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Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heeart Radio Podcast.

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Speaker 2: Okay, this week's adult education. I mean, tis the season.

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Speaker 2: We're in the holidays.

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Speaker 1: Oh, we are fully in the holiday. Here we go.

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Speaker 2: We got some debates, topical debates, which actually is funny

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Speaker 2: because of what leads into what kind of was happening.

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Speaker 2: Because I'm a room mom the first and only time.

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Speaker 2: You're a room mom, the first and only time I

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Speaker 2: will ever be a room mom.

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Speaker 1: I am so proud of you. I have declined room

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Speaker 1: on two years in a row.

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Speaker 2: Well, I've declined it kindergarten for second third. So this was,

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Speaker 2: you know, obviously, Julie's in fourth grade, and so she's like, Mom,

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Speaker 2: will you please be a room mom? And I was

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Speaker 2: just like, sure, I'll email and put my name in

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Speaker 2: the hat. And then when I got picked, I was like,

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Speaker 2: oh my goodness, Luckily there's two moms to the room

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Speaker 2: and bless my sweet room mom counterpart, yes, because she

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Speaker 2: I would be like totally failing. I'm about.

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Speaker 1: I'm about I'd give myself a D. Okay, but would

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Speaker 1: others give you a D? Because we're kind of hard

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Speaker 1: on ourselves.

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Speaker 2: I will say, though, I will say this I did

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Speaker 2: crush the elf ornament making in the classroom like I

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Speaker 2: was hot glue gun. Just I had those kids on

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Speaker 2: the line. I'm like glue like here, pampas and the things.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I had those. Even the teachers like, wow,

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Speaker 2: we finished earlier than any other groups. And I'm like

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Speaker 2: Papa with my little gun, well like hot glue gun

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Speaker 2: thing at school, which I should have taken home to

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Speaker 2: use for the gingerbread houses, but I didn't. So that

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Speaker 2: was so I did good there. I think it's the

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Speaker 2: what kills me is the group me. I cannot's death

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Speaker 2: by group me. So that's why, said I sago Michelle

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Speaker 2: as the room mom, I said, I can't do the

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Speaker 2: group me, I said, I went on, I downloaded it.

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Speaker 2: I did, and then when I saw like forty text,

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Speaker 2: I was like, I'm out, Like if it's not our

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Speaker 2: dear Amy chat no, I can't, or our other girls

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Speaker 2: chat like I can't, agreed, I can't.

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Speaker 1: You know what it takes one rogue mom to go?

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Speaker 1: Does anybody have a recipe for that homemade apple sauce?

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, no, Barbara, No, no one does, and

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Speaker 1: this is not the time or the place for that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: because then you get fifty more messages. Oh, try this one.

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Speaker 1: I found this one. I'm pinterest like, no, what do

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Speaker 1: we I need to like be able to scan get

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Speaker 1: to the point efficiency. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: So but this kind of leads into like my next thing,

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Speaker 2: So I to this heated article. So there we have

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Speaker 2: to decorate for the hallways right for their for their

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Speaker 2: Christmas season.

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Speaker 1: So and it was the day.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, yes, perfect, I'm there, So I say, of

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Speaker 2: course I will be there to help decorate on that Thursday.

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Speaker 2: Well it got changed and we're going to New York

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Speaker 2: for Alan's birthday.

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Speaker 1: So does he know about that? He does know? Okay, great, great, Okay.

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Speaker 2: So I'm like, hey, sorry, I can't make it Friday.

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Speaker 2: I'll be gone and there's a few other moms that

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Speaker 2: that can't make it. But they had asked if I

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Speaker 2: can find someone to fill in my spot, and I'm like, listen, like,

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Speaker 2: I don't even really.

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Speaker 1: One of them, or am I going to.

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Speaker 2: Ask Pam Be like, hey, Pam, can you fill in

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Speaker 2: for me? Like I don't, no one's I I chose

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Speaker 2: to be this. I'm not gonna then make somebody else

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Speaker 2: do that because I can't show up to decorate and

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Speaker 2: I was just like no, But what I can do

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Speaker 2: is I will have Jolie bring home the snowflakes, and

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Speaker 2: I will get some fishing wire and I will have

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Speaker 2: them pre so it's they're easy. Yeah, So that part

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Speaker 2: is already prepped and ready to go. So thank you.

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Speaker 1: Next, in our situation at school, we've never asked for

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Speaker 1: a fill in. They will just ask that you send

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Speaker 1: into core or whatever, and then the mom that's there

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Speaker 1: can kind of like cant.

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Speaker 2: And I get not putting it on everybody, but at

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Speaker 2: the same time, like I don't the day anybody else

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Speaker 2: in that class first and foremost yeah, but secondly, yeah,

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Speaker 2: they switched the date, and third of all, like I'm

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Speaker 2: not going to ask someone else, like it is, it's

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Speaker 2: not my jam. I don't love being there. I don't

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Speaker 2: like it, and I am in charge of like the

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Speaker 2: finance piece of it. Oh this is which by the way,

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Speaker 2: like you know, because not every parent has put it

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Speaker 2: so for the class party, She's like, how much is?

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Speaker 1: I was like, what, let me just buy it? Like

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, because it's I know we're

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Speaker 1: going through this because I'm cheer booster president. Why did

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Speaker 1: I do it to myself and make a difference and

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Speaker 1: score a fast pass into heaven is my only reasoning.

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Speaker 1: But it's so frustrating because I even said today, I

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Speaker 1: was like, I can buy one hundred dollars worth of

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Speaker 1: hot cocoa, or I could just give you guys one

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Speaker 1: hundred dollars towards the program, you know, like I'd rather

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Speaker 1: what's efficient here? What are we doing here? Yeah? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's a lot. And moms are very fully packed in

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Speaker 1: December as is.

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Speaker 2: Yes, And I will say what I do like about

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Speaker 2: it is that, you know, for her, I get to

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Speaker 2: be there for her Christmas party and no other like

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Speaker 2: parent besides a room, mom gets to be there. So

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Speaker 2: like that kind of stuff is fun. And I love

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Speaker 2: like she's so excited when it came to you know,

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Speaker 2: help with the ornaments and then you.

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Speaker 1: Know, her exclusive access. Yeah, like it's and it makes

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Speaker 1: her happy. So that's great.

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Speaker 2: But this mom basically in the article said she won't

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Speaker 2: be volunteering for her child's holiday school events, prompting a

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Speaker 2: heated debate which she talked about on Instagram. So she

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Speaker 2: was basically saying between the labor intensive donation drives the

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Speaker 2: parties requiring a bajillion different snacks and decorations, and the

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Speaker 2: festive field trips that need several chaperones. Conjuring up holiday

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Speaker 2: magic is exhausting work for everyone involved. In a video

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Speaker 2: that went viral, the creator known as hay Empowered Mama,

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Speaker 2: shared that she plans to decline every holiday request from

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Speaker 2: her child's school this year. No donations, no volunteering, no

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Speaker 2: party planning, no field trips. Her message was clear, she'd

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Speaker 2: rather she'd reached her limit and made a decision to

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Speaker 2: step back.

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Speaker 1: And this became a really heated topic because so what's tricky?

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Speaker 1: I hate to be the ic both sides. I felt

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Speaker 1: like I when I first read it was like yes

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Speaker 1: and amen, Like when you know your limit, you know

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Speaker 1: your limit, But then who does it fall on is

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Speaker 1: the tricky part. And the teachers already are so underpaid.

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Speaker 1: They are also typically have families of their own as well,

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Speaker 1: and even if they don't have children, they still have

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Speaker 1: family and friends to plug into, or they have to

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Speaker 1: do their own shopping, their own magic. And so I

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Speaker 1: kind of it's weird because I'm the boundary girl and

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Speaker 1: I'm saying a lot more knows this year than I

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Speaker 1: have in years past. But it's because then when I

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Speaker 1: say yes, it can mean something different. Well, basically the

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Speaker 1: comment to uh was one of the other people said

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Speaker 1: to this video. Don't worry.

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Speaker 2: Teachers like me are accustomed to picking up the slack

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Speaker 2: and working even more unpaid when we don't get enough

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Speaker 2: parental support because we don't want to let our kids

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Speaker 2: in our classroom down right, yeah, tricky and.

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Speaker 1: Listen, there's also years. I know, like I've had years

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Speaker 1: right after the baby, right like especially for you, you

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Speaker 1: had a baby in November. But I remember like not

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Speaker 1: picking to volunteer for the Christmas party. We have to

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Speaker 1: volunteer for one of our parties or two of our

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Speaker 1: parties each year, so I usually like Easter, nothing makes

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Speaker 1: me happier than a major made out of string cheese.

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Speaker 1: But I purposefully this year, knowing how much we had

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Speaker 1: with ballet and cheer and all of the things, and

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Speaker 1: how busy looking ahead at preston schedule, I did not

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Speaker 1: volunteer for Christmas this year, So like, does it have

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Speaker 1: to be a hard No? Is my question. I feel

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Speaker 1: like you could. I feel like if we were less

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Speaker 1: all or nothing, we could we would all feel better.

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Speaker 1: Like if you can do one thing. If everybody was

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Speaker 1: just doing one thing, well, then it doesn't feel like

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Speaker 1: it all falls on one person, even the teacher. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but I don't disagree with her hard nose either, because

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Speaker 1: I've had those Decembers where I'm like, actually, that's a

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Speaker 1: pass for me. Well, and it's the thing too, where

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Speaker 1: it's you know, we have to make sure because now

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Speaker 1: that the kids are getting older, they've got more teachers too,

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Speaker 1: so it's not just getting one. It's like, okay, so

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Speaker 1: Jolie's got four or five teachers, because I have to

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Speaker 1: count on her IEP teacher and speech teacher and then

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Speaker 1: you know romans. I want to make sure they're set.

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Speaker 1: And then they also have said things like that they're

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Speaker 1: having with their kids, so I'm like, okay, and there's that,

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Speaker 1: and then so it's just checking off, you know. And

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Speaker 1: obviously we want to be able to help and to

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Speaker 1: give and to give gifts, but we start to lose

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Speaker 1: the meaning of all of it too. We are fully

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Speaker 1: I so Love started ballet in September and they offered

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Speaker 1: her to be part. She's in a she's in between levels,

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Speaker 1: so she has like a younger kid level at night

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Speaker 1: and an older kid level during the day, and so

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Speaker 1: the studio owner said, would you like to be part

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Speaker 1: of the big sister program or Little sister program or

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Speaker 1: do you want to do both? And I said, well,

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Speaker 1: she's new to this environment, so it might be helpful

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Speaker 1: for her to tie into both tracks. So I said,

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Speaker 1: we will take an older sister and we'll take a

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Speaker 1: younger sister. We also have a cheer sister. Okay, so

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Speaker 1: we are fully sistering, and I gave her an actual,

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Speaker 1: real life bloodline sister as well. Right, okay, so we

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Speaker 1: get our ballet sister and friend. We have a ballet family.

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Speaker 1: We have five sisters in the PM program and two

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Speaker 1: sisters in the AM program. So now I have seven

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Speaker 1: sisters and the gift exchanges are coming, and the Christmas

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Speaker 1: parties are coming for ballet and cheer, and I am overwhelmed.

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Speaker 1: I'm also wondering how do families afford to do this,

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Speaker 1: because you know, there's not a price limit set, at

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Speaker 1: least for cheer. We do that pretty diligently, but like

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Speaker 1: for ballet, it's whatever we want to spend. Well, I

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Speaker 1: came in with a sweet little journal and some pens,

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Speaker 1: and the next thing I know, Loves on an episode

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Speaker 1: of Oprah, like you get a bin and you get

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Speaker 1: a bin and she's like she comes out with this

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Speaker 1: like laundry basket full of items, and she's like, can

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Speaker 1: you believe it? Magnolia spoiled. Man, I'm like, holy mackerel, Like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, it's just a really a lot of

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Speaker 1: layers on moms this time of year. Well, and I

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Speaker 1: think too, it's about again in the season like I

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Speaker 1: would have never been able to say yes to being

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Speaker 1: a room mom two years ago when Roman was a baby, right,

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Speaker 1: you know. And it's so it's finding when you can go, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to step up hard this year, you know,

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Speaker 1: because yeah, a because you know, my child wants me to.

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Speaker 1: But also like I can show up because I don't

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Speaker 1: even remember what I gave that year, you know, or

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Speaker 1: what I helped with that year, probably nothing, right, you.

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Speaker 2: Know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: Well, that's it, right, If we all were like recognizing

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Speaker 1: everyone's in different capacities and seasons and we all just

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Speaker 1: chipped in a little bit, then maybe like it wouldn't

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Speaker 1: all fall on one.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, But I mean there are things like we didn't

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Speaker 2: want the when we were doing the elf ornaments. It's

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Speaker 2: like even because if I was a parent being like, hey,

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Speaker 2: can you send in a picture, I'm like, God, I

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Speaker 2: gotta go to the store and like so print out

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Speaker 2: like Walgreens and print out a photo to fit this

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Speaker 2: elf ornament. Like I'm like, the moms aren't I was like, no,

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Speaker 2: I will go to the school and I will take

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Speaker 2: my camera and take a picture of all the kids

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Speaker 2: behind a whiteboard, you know that a girl, and then

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Speaker 2: I'll go to Walgreens and get it printed out. And

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Speaker 2: it means so much more as a mom to get

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Speaker 2: gifts like that when you didn't have to participate, which

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Speaker 2: I know sounds ugly, but it's like it's true. What

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Speaker 2: I mean, Like, when we've gotten these little sweet picture

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Speaker 2: ornaments home, I'm blown away because I didn't know it

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Speaker 2: was happening and it's so sweet. Yeah, so listen, do

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Speaker 2: what you need to do. But I think if it's yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's all different seasons, I don't I just think we

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Speaker 2: don't have to be such a harsh no. Yeah yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: you know, like I think it's a more admirable approach

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Speaker 2: to just say I'm at capacity and I'm sending in

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Speaker 2: a hundred bucks or anybodyizing that the teacher who it

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Speaker 2: falls on, of course, Yeah, yeah, that's hard. Man asks

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Speaker 2: his mother in law not to give his kids any

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Speaker 2: Christmas gifts after years of awful presence, and Mann requested

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Speaker 2: that his mother in law refrain from getting his kids

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Speaker 2: Christmas presents this year after years of awful presence and

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Speaker 2: now he's not sure he's in the wrong when she

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Speaker 2: loses it on him and his wife. The man said

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Speaker 2: that each year his mother in law asks for giftless

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Speaker 2: from the family and then ignores them. He said she

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Speaker 2: thinks she knows them best and can do better than

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Speaker 2: when they explicitly asked for. He said that two years ago,

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Speaker 2: his son couldn't wait to show his grandparents his new

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Speaker 2: favorite toy from Santa. However, his mother in law immediately

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Speaker 2: got jealous and started trying to distract him from it

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Speaker 2: with their own gifts. Throughout the day, he saw his

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Speaker 2: mother in law hiding her grandson's gift from Santa in

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Speaker 2: the house. Last year, he saw his son hiding his

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Speaker 2: new toys away before his grandmother got to their home.

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Speaker 2: When he asked his son why he was doing that,

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Speaker 2: his son replied that he didn't want his grandmother taking them.

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Speaker 2: When she finally gave him her gifts, the mother in

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Speaker 2: law began complaining that he wasn't excited enough. When they

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Speaker 2: went to their house for Thanksgiving this year, he and

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Speaker 2: his wife sat her parents down and explained their issue.

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Speaker 2: He said his mother in law lost it on us

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Speaker 2: and ranted that they were ruining her few Christmases left

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Speaker 2: with her grandbabies. She told them she wasn't sure they

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Speaker 2: were going to come to Christmas and proceeded to ignore

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Speaker 2: them for the rest of the night.

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Speaker 1: Wow, I mean, where do we even start to dissect

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Speaker 1: the situation. We've all been there. We've all been in

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Speaker 1: the really awkward place where the gift that was given

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Speaker 1: seems like an epic idea to the gift giver and

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Speaker 1: the recipient, usually our children, is going, yeah, but have

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Speaker 1: you seen this? You know so? And also you don't

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Speaker 1: want to Sometimes they're too young to even give them

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Speaker 1: like the law book, you know, like okaydoki, yeah, but

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Speaker 1: all I mean, what are we gonna do here? I

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Speaker 1: also have had to We've had to reroute a little

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Speaker 1: in our family system. My mother in law is so

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Speaker 1: good at picking out kids' gifts. She's incredible because she's

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Speaker 1: a kid herself, so she's really really good at that.

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Speaker 1: We also have so many items in our home that

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Speaker 1: we don't need more gifts, and I know that money

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Speaker 1: is not is easy to come by for them, and

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Speaker 1: I don't want her spending money on things that will

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Speaker 1: potentially not be super played with or asked on. So

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Speaker 1: I've started gifting her experiences with the kids and helping

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Speaker 1: her navigate, so like it's her gift to the kids

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Speaker 1: to give them like cheekwood or whatever when they're in town,

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Speaker 1: so they get the memories with her instead to alleviate

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Speaker 1: the financial stress and so that there's something that they

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Speaker 1: all have together, because really what they want is just

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Speaker 1: time with her. Anyways, we don't get to see them

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Speaker 1: very often. Yeah, so can I say something that is

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Speaker 1: probably I don't know, I guess maybe this is gonna

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Speaker 1: make me probably sound bad, but here I go and unafraid.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so you know, both parents, everybody is asking like, hey,

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Speaker 2: what do the kids want? And it's like, again that

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Speaker 2: same thing. It's like they want you, you know what

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Speaker 2: I mean, they would love your time. It's like, but

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Speaker 2: my thing with it is they're just gonna send an

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Speaker 2: Amazon thing, which then I will have to wrap. Oh

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Speaker 2: so that's what happened last year. And I basically said

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Speaker 2: in an a roundabout way, like don't worry about like

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Speaker 2: like do something when they're here, because there's so many

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Speaker 2: presents and they don't need they don't need the extra

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Speaker 2: and I also don't want the extra hassle of having

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Speaker 2: to wrap the presence. Of course you don't. That makes sense, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I don't think that sounds ugly. Also, why are they

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Speaker 2: not picking the gift wrapped option?

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Speaker 1: I don't know, it's a great idea. Maybe just screenshot

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Speaker 1: where they could click that box and then they can

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Speaker 1: write a sweet messago. Yeah, but yeah, it's a really difficult.

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Speaker 1: This situation, particularly though, feels a little narcissistic undertone to me,

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Speaker 1: like with the grandmother. Yeah, so I'm not sure you're

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Speaker 1: dealing with like the average grandparent here, but hiding someone's

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Speaker 1: toy to make your own agenda. And we are really

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Speaker 1: parenting ourselves in the generations before us, aren't we.

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Speaker 2: Yeah that's wild. Times that just seems like she just

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Speaker 2: wants it to be all about her, her yeah, and

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Speaker 2: her success. Yes, Yeah, there's a lot of things that

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Speaker 2: you can do, grandma, if this is you. If you

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Speaker 2: ever this lands in your earbuds, we'd love for you

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Speaker 2: to know that. I get you wanting to be excited

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Speaker 2: about your kids, your grandkids and this is but it's

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Speaker 2: also you have to remind you, like again like the

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Speaker 2: last few Christmases and it's not about you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. And also like kids are kids, and so they're

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Speaker 1: gonna like maybe love that toy a day from now

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Speaker 1: and never stop playing with it. So just sit tight

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Speaker 1: and wait for the picture to come, right, you know,

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Speaker 1: like lie to me. If I'm a grandparent, just lie

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Speaker 1: to me, send me a picture two days later of

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Speaker 1: them holding it. Can't little timmy can't stop playing with this,

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Speaker 1: and you can feel the success.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Like when it was Jace's birthday and he was

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Speaker 2: opening He's like, oh clothes, and I'm like, say thank

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Speaker 2: you right right right, I mean, because we're so appreciated.

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Speaker 2: So it's like then I take a photo with him

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Speaker 2: in his clothes and then playing with the toy, you know,

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Speaker 2: because I do want them to like we do appreciate,

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Speaker 2: of course, and I want him to also appreciate.

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Speaker 1: And listen, I would say this too as a grandparent.

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Speaker 1: I can't imagine how out of touch, I'll be with

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Speaker 1: That's why I had to like give kudos to my

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Speaker 1: mother in law because she actually does have a pulse

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Speaker 1: on what's interesting to them at the right ages. But

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Speaker 1: like I wouldn't know. I have a really hard time

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Speaker 1: buying gifts. I mean, I'm thankful for like your family

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Speaker 1: because they align so well age wise, and I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 1: we could easily buy something for Jase that is fun

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Speaker 1: for him, But thirty forty years from now, who knows.

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Speaker 1: I'm probably like, you love this playto and they're like

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Speaker 1: this is ancient. What are you doing?

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Speaker 2: I'm twelve, right, why do I want playdo?

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Speaker 1: So? Yeah, listen, Just we're all in it together, friends.

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Speaker 1: I think that is the biggest issue for Christmas. We

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Speaker 1: just have to remember everyone's doing their best. Everyone's a

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Speaker 1: little spent literally and figuratively, and we're all just doing

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Speaker 1: our very best, so to say, sweet guess is where

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Speaker 1: you can and alleviate some of the stress from other moms.

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Speaker 1: Do you remember when you.

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Speaker 2: Were a kid and you'd get like that really ugly

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Speaker 2: sweater from your grandparent and you had to be like,

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Speaker 2: I love it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what happened to that? What happened to that sweet

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Speaker 1: people pleasing. Did we just not pass that along in

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Speaker 1: this generation? I think they got a lot somewhere. I'm

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Speaker 1: going to start giving my kids a sign or a word. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I love it, I love it. Oh anyways, well tis

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Speaker 1: the season? Just a season for chaos and meeting with

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Speaker 1: your girlfriends on a couch to complain about it.

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Speaker 2: And go sign up for something at school to help

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Speaker 2: that teacher of yours the love of all you.

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Speaker 1: They can