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Speaker 1: Oh John, Oh Sam, I love you so much.

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Speaker 2: I love you almost as much as the great stories

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Speaker 2: that are about to come up.

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Speaker 3: And you know what I love equally as much is

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Speaker 3: the two minutes of spotsor is coming up, because they

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Speaker 3: support the show and make sure that we will have

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Speaker 3: our happily.

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Speaker 4: Ever, after my husband confessed his undying love for his

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Speaker 4: childhood sweetheart, now we're going to.

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Speaker 1: Meet, Yeah, as one does when that happens.

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Speaker 4: Sure, Basically this afternoon, my husband and I will be

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Speaker 4: going to a tea house with let's call her Susie.

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Speaker 4: One of my husbands used to be best friends and

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Speaker 4: unofficial high school sweetheart. The reason for them not being

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Speaker 4: best friends anymore is simply that they grew apart as

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Speaker 4: they went to college. No animosity whatsoever, and still a

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Speaker 4: lot of love and appreciation. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 4: from Throwaway five four one nine four nine nine. If

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Speaker 4: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

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Speaker 4: our slash Okay story time.

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Speaker 5: It's SuPAR.

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Speaker 4: She texted him Sunday night out of the blue and

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Speaker 4: said she'd like to finally be able to hang out

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Speaker 4: with us.

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Speaker 5: As we've said that we'll.

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Speaker 4: Get to know each other several times but never actually

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Speaker 4: went through with it.

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Speaker 5: But the date is on for today, and I'm fair.

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Speaker 4: We've torn about how I feel about this, But now

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Speaker 4: let me explain why I've come to you guys about this.

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Speaker 4: I was with my high school sweetheart for seven years,

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Speaker 4: seven pretty good years. We separated and shortly afterwards I

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Speaker 4: met my now husband and we immediately hit it off

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Speaker 4: and became an item. My husband, let's call him John.

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Speaker 4: He met Susie in middle school and immediately grew affectionate

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Speaker 4: of her. Going into high school, he absolutely fell for her.

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Speaker 4: He says that from the moment he woke up to

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Speaker 4: the moment he closed his eyes to sleep, she was

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Speaker 4: on his mind. He dreamed of her, dreamed of scenarios

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Speaker 4: where he was married with her, where she was pregnant

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Speaker 4: with his child, being intimate with her. He says that

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Speaker 4: he dreamed of being with her because she needed someone

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Speaker 4: to care for her, as she had trouble in school

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Speaker 4: and had a health issue that she needed help with.

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Speaker 4: He knew no guy would love and care for her

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Speaker 4: as much as he would, and to this day he

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Speaker 4: claims that to be true. She Susie is his age,

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Speaker 4: a very sweet, calm Christian girl, who didn't have many

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Speaker 4: friends growing up because she was always different and not

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Speaker 4: self obsessed like most teens. She was genuinely sweet, She

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Speaker 4: cared deeply for others, and he just saw her in

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Speaker 4: a light that no one could even touch. He says

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Speaker 4: that in his teens he was too aggressive and emotional,

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Speaker 4: and that's why he feels that she never accepted his

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Speaker 4: invitations for a relationship. My husband, although honestly a very

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Speaker 4: good looking guy, he does have a very strong character.

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Speaker 4: He is not tame or shy to say how he feels.

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Speaker 4: He feels that he is a very intelligent person that

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Speaker 4: makes bad decisions. He isn't a knucklehead or a wiener

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Speaker 4: by any means, but he is a sweetheart and very

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Speaker 4: emotional in caring of other people, extremely caring. He says

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Speaker 4: that he feels that she cared for him too because

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Speaker 4: they were such good friends, but she never accepted him

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Speaker 4: because of his very hormone induced aggressive attitude. And since

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Speaker 4: she's a sweet girl, she knew an attitude like this

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Speaker 4: would be trouble. She would ask him for help with

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Speaker 4: homework and he would do anything for her because she.

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Speaker 5: Was Susie, the girl that he knew.

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Speaker 4: He wanted to marry and grow old with, and he

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Speaker 4: would do anything for her, And honestly, I believe him.

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Speaker 4: I definitely believe that she is the person that he

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Speaker 4: says she is. I truly believe that she is a

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Speaker 4: rare gem with a heart of gold. I've seen the

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Speaker 4: girl in her profile through his Facebook, and she looks

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Speaker 4: like a girl with a good head on her shoulders

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Speaker 4: and a sweet, innocent, caring girl. Every thing he says,

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Speaker 4: I don't deny. But my issue is he's expressed to me,

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Speaker 4: in between conversations about alternate scenarios and how things would

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Speaker 4: have played out, that if she would tell him that

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Speaker 4: she had feelings for him and loved him, that would

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Speaker 4: change everything in his heart. She is the exception for

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Speaker 4: everything he still says. No one would have cared for her.

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Speaker 5: Like I would. She needs care. I would have had

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Speaker 5: a happy life with her.

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Speaker 4: Around November, he asked me to respond to one of

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Speaker 4: her text messages while he was playing Black Ops. I think,

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Speaker 4: and I responded and scrolled up. I know, terrible human being.

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Speaker 4: I read messages where he asked her why she never

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Speaker 4: went for him, complimented her and said said something like Susie,

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Speaker 4: you know I've always thought you were very pretty, and

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Speaker 4: she said something cute, something that I guess he found

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Speaker 4: endearing and simply responded with her.

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Speaker 5: Name and a sweet emoji.

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Speaker 4: That destroyed me because that told me more than I

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Speaker 4: wanted to know. I knew he felt for her, I

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Speaker 4: knew he always would, but to read it it spun

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Speaker 4: me around. So that weekend, driving back to our hometown,

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Speaker 4: I asked him very casually about her and exes and

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Speaker 4: stuff like that, and I remember vividly listening to the

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Speaker 4: soundtrack for the Last of Us, which just bummed me

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Speaker 4: out more.

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Speaker 5: He told me that he had been.

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Speaker 4: Dreaming about her and thinking about her, and he felt

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Speaker 4: those love feelings coming back. That's when he told me

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Speaker 4: that no one would love or care for her like him.

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Speaker 4: He also said that he would leave a relationship he

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Speaker 4: was in just to be with her. How do you

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Speaker 4: respond to that, op, he says, how do you compete

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Speaker 4: with that? He noticed It made me quiet for the

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Speaker 4: rest of the weekend, but I couldn't get that off

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Speaker 4: of my mind. He noticed and comforted me on Sunday

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Speaker 4: and said that he was happy with me and wouldn't

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Speaker 4: leave something that is already established.

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Speaker 5: So that's simply not what you said. That's quite the opposite.

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Speaker 1: Actually, I would never leave this.

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Speaker 2: I would never leave you and this situation we've already established.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because Susie doesn't want it.

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Speaker 5: Yes, exactly, as long.

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Speaker 1: As Susie doesn't want me, we're fine.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: So I didn't mention the messages. I never did, even

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Speaker 4: though I want to blurt it out when it comes up.

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Speaker 4: But it all cooled off a little, and that was left.

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Speaker 4: I left it at that too, because it makes me

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Speaker 4: literally sick to my stomach. But when I think about

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Speaker 4: stuff like that, it makes me sick, so I try

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Speaker 4: not to dwell on it for my own good and

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Speaker 4: also because I probably overexaggerate and it's all in my head.

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Speaker 4: Then he lets her know that we're moving back to

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Speaker 4: our hometown and she says that she wants to meet

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Speaker 4: me finally and that we should get together we come

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Speaker 4: back and in between all the moving and work and whatnot. Well,

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Speaker 4: we never actually did, but he texted her randomly last

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Speaker 4: week and she replied and they exchanged brief pleasantries. Sunday night, however,

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Speaker 4: she texts him and says that she wants to meet

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Speaker 4: me soon and sends him her work schedule and the

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Speaker 4: days that she has off. She asks when we can

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Speaker 4: get together. My husband very excitedly screenshots the text and

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Speaker 4: let me know that it's all up to me. So

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Speaker 4: I say, let's do it Tuesday after work. Tuesday comes,

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Speaker 4: he gets a haircut, hours, cleans the truck since we're

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Speaker 4: going to pick her up. She texts him around seven

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Speaker 4: and she can't make it because they extended her hours

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Speaker 4: at work, and he gets noticeably bummed out. But because

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Speaker 4: we were already counting on having dinner, I told him, Hey,

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Speaker 4: let's go out anyway. It's just you and me, so

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Speaker 4: we do. I jokingly tell him to cheer up and

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Speaker 4: that he'll have a date with her soon.

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Speaker 5: He says, he hopes.

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Speaker 4: So he keeps texting her, but they've kind of texted

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Speaker 4: for a while now, so no surprise.

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Speaker 5: But something in him changed. He just he.

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Speaker 4: Jokes around about her and him, And when I joke around,

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Speaker 4: I should say, you know in quotes, joke around about them.

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Speaker 4: To finally working out his responses worry me. I told

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Speaker 4: him Monday, imagine she told you that she has feelings

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Speaker 4: for you? He said, what would you do if she

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Speaker 4: told me that? Avoiding the question, and well, I didn't

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Speaker 4: have an answer.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's not about me, dude, it's about you.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Look, but when you know that the answer to these questions, ope,

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Speaker 2: you know that the answer to these questions is I'm

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Speaker 2: leaving you for Susie. Get out, get out of their relationship.

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Speaker 5: Absolutely.

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Speaker 2: I've had to literally say this to someone before. Really ugh,

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Speaker 2: but I've been I haven't been pretending. I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I was like, literally, it's probably won't make it in anyway,

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Speaker 2: so doesn't matter. I was like, literally, this person could

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Speaker 2: walk into my life and be like, let's get married,

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Speaker 2: and I would immediately say yes.

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Speaker 1: So I'm not in a.

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Speaker 2: Place where I can date yeah, because that's just not

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Speaker 2: how that works.

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Speaker 5: Get married to someone like no, no, no, no.

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Speaker 4: I told him, I know that if she told you

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Speaker 4: she loved you, that's it. It's case closed in your heart.

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Speaker 4: He didn't deny it. He just stayed quiet, and he

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Speaker 4: asked me what I would do. I just stayed quiet,

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Speaker 4: because what can I do?

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Speaker 5: Again?

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Speaker 4: When I express concern, he just says, I'm very dramatic

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Speaker 4: and I'm making things up. Yesterday, I asked him, what

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Speaker 4: if we can't have kids, should be adopted, and.

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Speaker 5: I crap you not?

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Speaker 4: He said, Well, then maybe Susie and me can have

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Speaker 4: a baby and you and your ex could have one

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Speaker 4: and laugh.

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Speaker 1: I would be so far out the door.

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Speaker 2: Yeah what these are not These are not thoughts that

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Speaker 2: you have when you're okay in your relationship.

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Speaker 4: No, no, like he's it's he's just straight up like

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Speaker 4: I would call this emotional cheating kind of or at

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Speaker 4: least on its way to that, just straight up like

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Speaker 4: in front of her and so unashamed.

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Speaker 2: Well, it's like you said, it's the exact thing of

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Speaker 2: like being like if a celebrity be like if Ryan,

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Speaker 2: if Ryan Gosling walked over said he loved me, I'd

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Speaker 2: leave you right now. Sure, and it's like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 2: Ryan Gosling said he loved you, But they just be like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: if Sarah.

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Speaker 1: From my high school walked in and said she loved

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Speaker 1: me right now, I'd leave you that.

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Speaker 2: It's like like, well, Sarah from high school lives ten

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Speaker 2: minutes away, Yeah, like you know her right what?

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Speaker 4: Because then the question is like, Okay, things didn't work

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Speaker 4: out in high school, but you like, if this is

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Speaker 4: still a feeling that you've had, how much time has

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Speaker 4: gone by where things still didn't work out, and like,

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Speaker 4: what have you been doing in that time?

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Speaker 5: Like, how were you pursuing her? Have you given it

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Speaker 5: another shot?

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Speaker 4: Because it sounds like it can't happen, he laughed, and

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Speaker 4: when he noticed I didn't, he said, I'm just kidding, Cupie, Yes,

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Speaker 4: we should adopt. I just looked down because I mean,

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Speaker 4: it's soul crushing, it's playing around.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, but I'm not an idiot.

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Speaker 4: This indirect joking about her and him that he's making

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Speaker 4: it's unliving me.

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Speaker 5: But I have to pretend that it's not.

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Speaker 1: No, you don't no.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the other problem is you don't need to

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Speaker 2: do that. You can be like, hey, this is one

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Speaker 2: of the most.

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Speaker 1: Wild things a partner has ever just said to me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, thinking that it's nothing unusual, right, what is going on?

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Speaker 5: I showed him a picture of a.

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Speaker 4: Girl on Instagram that he's always thought it's gorgeous and hot,

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Speaker 4: and he said, nah, you know I don't have a

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Speaker 4: spicy related feelings for other girls. And I said, well, John,

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Speaker 4: you've always liked her, so then who do you have

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Speaker 4: spicy related feelings for? You already know that response. The

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Speaker 4: whole night, I have trouble sleeping because this date feels

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Speaker 4: like I'm walking into my funeral. I wake up and

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Speaker 4: lo and behold. He lets me know that he didn't

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Speaker 4: sleep until two because he was texting.

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Speaker 5: Susie all night and they.

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Speaker 4: Were arguing about religion. He's an atheist and she's very

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Speaker 4: much not. He told me that she asked him if

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Speaker 4: they could talk about it over the phone, since it's

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Speaker 4: easier than through text. He tells her, no, I'm asleep

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Speaker 4: in bed next to him. He also lets me know

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Speaker 4: that she's told him that he's her best friend and

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Speaker 4: only friend all of this tonight, one day before we

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Speaker 4: all met up out of nowhere. She wants to see

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Speaker 4: him in me this week, desperately trying to find a

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Speaker 4: time to talk, then tells him that he's all she's got.

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Speaker 5: What it's over for me, I lost.

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Speaker 4: I'm here because when I separated from my ex boyfriend,

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Speaker 4: I lost all my friends.

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Speaker 5: I was left with not one of them.

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Speaker 4: They were all guys, and my ex boyfriend kept them

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Speaker 4: because I had been with my ex boyfriend all throughout

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Speaker 4: high school. I did have girlfriends, yes, but they all

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Speaker 4: went their separate ways after graduation, and the group that

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Speaker 4: was my ex boyfriend and the guys we stayed together

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Speaker 4: after the breakup. They texted me once in a while,

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Speaker 4: but to avoid problems with my ex boyfriend, they never

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Speaker 4: reached out to me to invite me or anything. Everybody

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Speaker 4: I trusted I lost at the drop of a hat.

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Speaker 4: I have just my parents, my pets, and my husband,

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Speaker 4: and I don't tell my relationship problems to my parents

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Speaker 4: because I just don't see that being a good idea.

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Speaker 4: I don't want them to hate him because he has

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Speaker 4: a side to all of this too, so I avoid

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Speaker 4: telling them issues with him unless he's in the room

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Speaker 4: to present his side. My parents are very reasonable and understandable,

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Speaker 4: so they call me out on my crap too, which

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Speaker 4: is why I trust their response. I know that I'll

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Speaker 4: get a direct one, not a biased one, so that

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Speaker 4: leaves me with nobody to vent to, and sometimes I

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Speaker 4: feel like screaming in fits of anger and crying because

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Speaker 4: I have no one to talk to. I know that

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Speaker 4: I need to make friends, but it hasn't been easy

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Speaker 4: with the moving and the new relationship and work. Plus

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Speaker 4: I'm not the most socially adaptable person. I have trouble

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Speaker 4: feeling comfortable around people. It takes me a while. I've

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Speaker 4: thought about this so much that I've thought that maybe

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Speaker 4: I should step aside and let them be. I'm being

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Speaker 4: dramatic because she hasn't professed her feelings for him, and

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Speaker 4: who knows, maybe she doesn't have them, but everything points

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Speaker 4: to this. All she has to do is talk to him,

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Speaker 4: and he's back in dummy mode over her. I can't

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Speaker 4: compete with the sweetest girl in the world, the damsel

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Speaker 4: in distress. If she's a good person, maybe he does

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Speaker 4: deserve her. Maybe they should be together, and I know

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Speaker 4: she is, but dang it, I love him. I worked

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Speaker 4: hard at our relationship. Nothing about it has been easy.

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Speaker 4: I put half as much effort. It's not fair. She

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Speaker 4: had her chance and she rejected it, and now she's

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Speaker 4: coming back into his life and all he needs is

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Speaker 4: even the slightest hint of interest in him, the slightest

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Speaker 4: and yeah, he'll physically be with me, but his heart

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Speaker 4: will forever be gone. But it's not fair. I put

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Speaker 4: in the effort. I reciprocated his feeling. I try to

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Speaker 4: be as loving and understanding and trusting as I could be.

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Speaker 5: I'm new to this. I'm just trying to be a

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Speaker 5: good wife.

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Speaker 4: I love my husband, but I can feel him slipping away,

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Speaker 4: and that leads me to my conclusion. If when I

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Speaker 4: go today to the date, I see her looking at

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Speaker 4: her him, and if I see what I'm afraid, I'll

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Speaker 4: see what do I do. I'm still wondering how I'm

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Speaker 4: gonna stomach it if the chemistry is there. Plus, my

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Speaker 4: husband isn't very good at hiding feelings. He's very outpouring.

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Speaker 4: I want him for me, because, dang it, that's why

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Speaker 4: I got married. But what's the point If his heart

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Speaker 4: dwells too much on her. I could never compare to

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Speaker 4: his idea of her. No girl could ever, And I'll

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Speaker 4: just be betraying myself if I keep him knowing where

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Speaker 4: his heart truly stands.

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Speaker 5: By the way, your heart could stand with us.

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Speaker 4: If you join us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, whate

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Speaker 4: of your favorite podcasts app is just search Okay story time,

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Speaker 4: We'll be there for you with full episodes and more

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Speaker 4: stories just like this one. Oh yeah, oh yeah, and

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Speaker 4: there is a little bit more to the story. But huh,

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Speaker 4: she knows what she needs to do.

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Speaker 2: I think one thing I like clearly, I've I've been

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Speaker 2: championing like don't be married to a man who's clearly

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Speaker 2: in love with someone else. But like, I don't know

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Speaker 2: if you've actually expressed any of these thoughts you've put

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Speaker 2: into your Reddit post to your your husband, which you

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Speaker 2: shouldn't have to do, and your husband shouldn't have to

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Speaker 2: be told that, you know, being saying I would leave anyone,

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Speaker 2: yeah for this woman except you, I guess, but anyone

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Speaker 2: else on the face of the earth.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And it's like, first you got to get this out

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Speaker 2: there in the open. You gotta say, hey, this is

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Speaker 2: how I'm feeling, this is what's going on. I feel

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Speaker 2: like you should already know this, but here it is. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and you know, if he can't change at all, it's

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Speaker 2: like there's nothing to do.

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Speaker 1: It's like, you're in love with this woman. You shouldn't

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Speaker 1: married me. I shouldn't married you.

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Speaker 5: Absolutely. It sucks that you love him.

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Speaker 4: Guess what, you can find someone else. You can find

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Speaker 4: another love, that's possible, So just walk away. It will

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Speaker 4: be much better for you in the long run because

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Speaker 4: he clearly doesn't love you as much as you love him.

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Speaker 5: So it sucks, but you got.

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Speaker 1: To swallow say conversation first.

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Speaker 2: Then if nothing is you know, if nothing happens at

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Speaker 2: that because you can't just I will never condone to

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Speaker 2: just leave a situation without actually putting your cards on

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Speaker 2: the table first. Yeah, that you always need to lay

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Speaker 2: it out there first and then out.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, do you think like a conversation could save it,

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Speaker 4: save the relationship or.

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Speaker 2: I just think it's impossible to say whether or not

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Speaker 2: a situation is insalvagable or needs to be like until

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Speaker 2: you're talking, Yeah, until you're talking about how you're feeling

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Speaker 2: about it with your actual partner.

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Speaker 1: I you know there's something to be done.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like.

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Speaker 1: They've or it's just talking about it.

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Speaker 2: It's even like just Catharsis of like, hey, this is

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Speaker 2: how I've been feeling and how I feel now, and

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Speaker 2: because of that, I'm done. Yeah, you know, at the

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Speaker 2: very least, like it just needs to be said.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but there is a little bit more into the story.

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Speaker 4: So after all this, I feel a little better. I'm

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Speaker 4: not even sure this will get responses. I kind of

365
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Speaker 4: doubt it because it's so dang long. But I don't

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Speaker 4: know what to do. I feel lost. I feel like

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Speaker 4: a do fist who's making a big deal out of nothing.

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Speaker 4: I feel defeated, but mostly betrayed because I've done so

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Speaker 4: much for him, and yet I have a feeling and

370
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Speaker 4: if I tell him that, he'll tell me that no

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Speaker 4: one has done as much as what she's done for

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Speaker 4: him in his heart. Thank you for reading, Strangers. I

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Speaker 4: just needed an ear and if you haven't any questions,

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Speaker 4: please let me know. I know a lot of important

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Speaker 4: details are absent. I just don't want to make it

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Speaker 4: longer than it is. Common Number one says, reading this

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00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:10,400
Speaker 4: post breaks my heart. You're so young, and to see

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Speaker 4: someone settle for another person that has told them that

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Speaker 4: they'd leave them in a heartbeat for some high school

380
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Speaker 4: crush is worrying. I personally couldn't be in a relationship

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Speaker 4: where I felt like a placeholder. Comma number two says.

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Speaker 5: You act like this is all normal. This isn't normal.

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Speaker 4: A husband telling his wife that another woman is and

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Speaker 4: always will be first in his heart. That is absolutely

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Speaker 4: soul crushing and terrible. If my husband did such a

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Speaker 4: thing to me, I would be heartbroken. And that's putting

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Speaker 4: it lightly, which obviously sounds like you are. I am

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Speaker 4: not a fan of ultimatums, but I think this calls

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Speaker 4: for one. He keeps putting this woman on a pedestal

390
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Speaker 4: and hurting you. He needs to cut contact with this woman.

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Speaker 4: He isn't friends with her, he's in.

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Speaker 5: Love with her.

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Speaker 4: That is disrespectful to you and unhealthy to say the least.

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Speaker 4: Do you really want to be in a marriage where

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Speaker 4: you are always wondering if he's thinking about her, wondering

396
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Speaker 4: if he is wishing he was with her instead of you,

397
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Speaker 4: Because that is a situation you are living in right now,

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Speaker 4: and that is if you do decide to ask him

399
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Speaker 4: to cut with her. I would sit him down and

400
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Speaker 4: ask him how he would feel if you told him

401
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Speaker 4: another man would always be the love of your life,

402
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,000
Speaker 4: that you would do anything for this other man, even

403
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:09,800
Speaker 4: drop any relationship.

404
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Speaker 1: You were in.

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Speaker 4: How would he feel if all you did was text

406
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:14,160
Speaker 4: all day, every day with this other man? And I

407
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:17,040
Speaker 4: would definitely come clean about the inappropriate flirty text that

408
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:19,680
Speaker 4: you saw. Not only has he put her on a pedestal,

409
00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,960
Speaker 4: but you have too. You think that she is perfect

410
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,480
Speaker 4: and sweet and nice, A nice, sweet woman would not

411
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:26,960
Speaker 4: allow another married man to text her the things that

412
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,400
Speaker 4: your husband has been texting her. My best friend is

413
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Speaker 4: a man, and he never talks to me like that.

414
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:34,520
Speaker 4: We are both only friends and respectful of each other's

415
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:38,440
Speaker 4: significant others. Someone responds, nice sweet women also don't text

416
00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:41,360
Speaker 4: other women's husbands until two am. I feel bad for Opie,

417
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:44,160
Speaker 4: but it's aggravating to see her being so passive about this.

418
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:46,840
Speaker 4: Someone else responds, I think it's mostly because she sees

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Speaker 4: her husband as a nice, sweet man close to perfection, but.

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Speaker 5: He is not.

421
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:52,800
Speaker 4: He's a child who can't forget about a crush, who

422
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,960
Speaker 4: thinks this is the destined woman of his life even

423
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Speaker 4: if she rejected him, and who puts his silly dream

424
00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:01,360
Speaker 4: above the woman that he vowed to love for life.

425
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,239
Speaker 4: Wake up, Opie, your husband is nothing close to what

426
00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:07,399
Speaker 4: you think he is. Another comment says, walk walk away.

427
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:08,280
Speaker 4: I'm serious.

428
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Speaker 5: I know it will be hard.

429
00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:11,400
Speaker 4: But he has flat out told you that he would

430
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Speaker 4: leave you for her and is in the process of

431
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:16,399
Speaker 4: reconnecting in an emotional way with her. I would bet

432
00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,680
Speaker 4: you're going to get a We should try a pall

433
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:21,880
Speaker 4: your open relationship, et cetera from him and possibly her,

434
00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:25,160
Speaker 4: even with her dedicated Christianity. I could see that happening.

435
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,200
Speaker 4: I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Twenty three,

436
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:28,399
Speaker 4: she's twenty three.

437
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:32,439
Speaker 2: Did we know that you've got so much more life

438
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:36,440
Speaker 2: ahead of you? My goodness, don't worry about it. Leave

439
00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:39,840
Speaker 2: this guy before we waste any more time with a

440
00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:42,160
Speaker 2: guess he wants Susie. Yes.

441
00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:45,040
Speaker 5: Another comment says, call off dinner.

442
00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:47,399
Speaker 4: Tell your husband that he can't seriously expect you to

443
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:49,480
Speaker 4: sit down and make nice with the woman that he's

444
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:52,119
Speaker 4: outright told you that he'd be prepared to leave you for,

445
00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:55,280
Speaker 4: and that you can't understand why he's willing to just

446
00:17:55,359 --> 00:17:57,800
Speaker 4: let this play out. If he values your marriage even

447
00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:00,240
Speaker 4: the slightest bit, ask him to cut off contact with

448
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,919
Speaker 4: Susie at least until this has been resolved, although frankly

449
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,080
Speaker 4: he should be prepared to make it permanent if he

450
00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:08,320
Speaker 4: can't keep the conversation from straying into what might have been,

451
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:10,200
Speaker 4: and come with you to counseling.

452
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:11,600
Speaker 5: If he insists on going.

453
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,919
Speaker 4: Alone, well then you've got some choices to make, but

454
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:17,320
Speaker 4: none of them need to involve martyring yourself, because you

455
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:20,359
Speaker 4: see no other alternative, and that is the end of

456
00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:23,720
Speaker 4: that story. Just yeah, let it happen. Let him go

457
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,240
Speaker 4: to Susie and if she rejects him again, good.

458
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:28,960
Speaker 1: Yeah. So if you're married and your partner is like.

459
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,600
Speaker 2: I'm so in love with this other person who's not you, Yeah,

460
00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:33,720
Speaker 2: probably leave you for them.

461
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:37,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's time to go.

462
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:40,360
Speaker 5: This is like not even a red flag.

463
00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:43,879
Speaker 4: This is like, this is like the sky has turned

464
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:47,159
Speaker 4: red from some sort of evil thing happening. It's the

465
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:50,840
Speaker 4: red sea, the red sea everything in your life. You've

466
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:53,879
Speaker 4: got red sunglasses on, not rose colored ones, They're just

467
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:54,720
Speaker 4: straight up red.

468
00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:57,359
Speaker 1: This story is being saying to you by the rapper

469
00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:57,960
Speaker 1: red Man.

470
00:18:58,200 --> 00:18:59,639
Speaker 5: That is the end of that story.

471
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:05,000
Speaker 2: My wife demands me to clean the house for hours.

472
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:07,640
Speaker 5: I'm sick of it. I'm sick and tired.

473
00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:10,320
Speaker 2: My wife was a stay at home mom for three

474
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:13,880
Speaker 2: years before our daughter started preschool regularly. Then she worked

475
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:16,199
Speaker 2: part time and went back to graduate school, both online

476
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,040
Speaker 2: from home. She worked as a part time teacher for

477
00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:20,600
Speaker 2: an online school, and her graduate school was online. She

478
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:22,680
Speaker 2: did that for two years and then looked for better

479
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:25,320
Speaker 2: work and has been working full time for about six months.

480
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,720
Speaker 1: Our daughter, who's now six, is in first grade.

481
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:30,120
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from user sick of cleaning

482
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:31,760
Speaker 2: up And if you want to submit your own stories,

483
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:35,000
Speaker 2: go to the r slash okay, storytime Subreddit. My wife has,

484
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:38,840
Speaker 2: in my opinion, ridiculous cleanliness standards for our house. She

485
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:41,560
Speaker 2: was very hard on herself when she was stay at

486
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,960
Speaker 2: home and made sure everything was spin span. Dinner was

487
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:48,040
Speaker 2: always something freshly cooked. She refused to use something like

488
00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:50,480
Speaker 2: a crop pot or easy meal. She refused to let

489
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:53,359
Speaker 2: me get made service, even when she was in graduate school,

490
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,840
Speaker 2: working and minding a toddler most of the day. Our

491
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:58,359
Speaker 2: daughter did do preschool from two to four, more and

492
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,119
Speaker 2: more time at preschool each year, but my wife still

493
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:03,520
Speaker 2: had her for some days or at least part of

494
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:03,840
Speaker 2: the day.

495
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:05,040
Speaker 1: She work her butt off.

496
00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:07,600
Speaker 2: Our house always looked amazing, like something out of a

497
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,600
Speaker 2: magazine when I could see she was overworked or still

498
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,639
Speaker 2: working on chores when I got home. I tried to

499
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:16,720
Speaker 2: talk to her about help or having more reasonable expectations,

500
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:17,720
Speaker 2: but she wouldn't hear.

501
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:19,320
Speaker 1: I did try to pitch in a bit.

502
00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:21,879
Speaker 2: But I just can't stand doing too many chores, especially

503
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:24,439
Speaker 2: if things are basically clean. I mean, I'll do dishes

504
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,840
Speaker 2: or I'll cook, but I can't be asked to dust

505
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,640
Speaker 2: the little borders at the bottom of the wall weekly.

506
00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:31,639
Speaker 1: Who does that? Is that really something?

507
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:34,400
Speaker 2: Everyone worries about I am a middle manager at an

508
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,919
Speaker 2: engineering company. Really decent money, not the greatest job in

509
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,320
Speaker 2: the world. I prefer to being an engineer, honestly, but

510
00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:43,040
Speaker 2: the management stress was definitely worth the pay bump. Since

511
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,879
Speaker 2: my daughter has been born. It lets me provide for

512
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,119
Speaker 2: my family. I would be fine with my wife working

513
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,320
Speaker 2: or staying home and never pressed her to do more.

514
00:20:49,359 --> 00:20:51,720
Speaker 2: She is very driven and hard on herself. I don't

515
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:54,320
Speaker 2: see why she needed to work and go to graduate school,

516
00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:56,520
Speaker 2: but she wanted an income that at least paid for

517
00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:59,520
Speaker 2: schooling since her program was expensive. That's basically all it

518
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:01,440
Speaker 2: paid for those two years. But that's fine. I would

519
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,800
Speaker 2: have gladly paid out of our fun money and scrimped

520
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,040
Speaker 2: for her. So the conflict here is now that my

521
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:08,800
Speaker 2: wife is working full time, she still wants to keep

522
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:10,920
Speaker 2: the house up to the same standard, but she wants

523
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:12,879
Speaker 2: to give me a laundry list of chores to do

524
00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:16,840
Speaker 2: basically every single day and all day Saturday. I don't

525
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:18,640
Speaker 2: mean she wants me to pitch in a little. When

526
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:21,359
Speaker 2: I asked her for a time estimate, she said maybe

527
00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:22,520
Speaker 2: twenty hours a week.

528
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:23,240
Speaker 1: I think this is.

529
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:26,159
Speaker 2: Ridiculous, Reddit seriously, and yeah, that's Oh, that is a

530
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:26,920
Speaker 2: little ridiculous.

531
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,200
Speaker 4: Twenty hours a week for cleaning when you have a

532
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:30,440
Speaker 4: kid in a full time job.

533
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,480
Speaker 5: I won't do that. I'm sorry. If I was a

534
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,320
Speaker 5: be I I'm not gonna do that.

535
00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:36,200
Speaker 1: I think the problem here is in our execution.

536
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:39,199
Speaker 2: Are we cleaning with like, you know, the like the

537
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:43,679
Speaker 2: microscopic lens that goes down to like the molecular level,

538
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:46,080
Speaker 2: and we're you know, because that's a little too much.

539
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:47,760
Speaker 2: If it's taking us twenty hours a week to clean,

540
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:48,480
Speaker 2: we're cleaning wrong.

541
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:49,560
Speaker 1: Yeah.

542
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:52,240
Speaker 2: I've suggested things like crop pop meal solutions, getting a

543
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,560
Speaker 2: maid service if we really need it, and maybe cutting

544
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,200
Speaker 2: back on vacuuming once weekly, or cutting out some non

545
00:21:57,280 --> 00:22:00,040
Speaker 2: essential chores except doing them maybe monthly or quarterly. I

546
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,560
Speaker 2: don't want to live in squalor. I pick up after myself.

547
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:04,960
Speaker 2: I can cook a meal, wash dishes, wipe down a counter.

548
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:07,520
Speaker 2: I understand dust and mildew shouldn't be in the house,

549
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:09,680
Speaker 2: and that the pink mold in the bathroom must be

550
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:11,960
Speaker 2: guarded against. I don't want to be a pig, but

551
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:14,679
Speaker 2: I feel my wife's standards are just too imposing. I

552
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,600
Speaker 2: will add this isn't about parenting. I'm very involved as

553
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:19,560
Speaker 2: a parent, and my wife would agree on that. While

554
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:22,040
Speaker 2: she was the primary caregiver because she could stay at home,

555
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:24,680
Speaker 2: I have always made sure my wife had kid free time,

556
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:27,000
Speaker 2: and Sunday is Daddy Day, where my daughter and I

557
00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:29,280
Speaker 2: always do something fun together in or out of the

558
00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:31,800
Speaker 2: house and give my wife the afternoon to herself if

559
00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:32,359
Speaker 2: she wants it.

560
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,719
Speaker 1: She sometimes wants to tag along, and that's fine too.

561
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:37,680
Speaker 2: The thing is, she's really mad about this because she's

562
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,920
Speaker 2: kept up these standards for so long on her own,

563
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:42,239
Speaker 2: and she feels like I'm not her partner. Do I

564
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:44,720
Speaker 2: just have to suck it up and lose the majority

565
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:46,760
Speaker 2: of my free time a week on chores or is

566
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,080
Speaker 2: there some better way to talk to her. I'll give

567
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:50,879
Speaker 2: in if I'm really in the wrong here, but I

568
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,040
Speaker 2: just feel there has to be some kind of compromise.

569
00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:55,320
Speaker 2: I'll say that my wife often uses her free time

570
00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:57,800
Speaker 2: to clean even if I insist otherwise. So like the

571
00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:00,960
Speaker 2: Sunday afternoons I insist she has free she doesn't join us.

572
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,480
Speaker 2: She will often clean more or do an errand I

573
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,560
Speaker 2: wish she would take some time for herself, but she

574
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:08,719
Speaker 2: just doesn't choose to very often there's an edit. Can

575
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:11,760
Speaker 2: people also share what they view as normal household cleaning?

576
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:13,720
Speaker 2: I want to make sure I'm not just being an

577
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:16,520
Speaker 2: ignorant slob. Okay, we've got the list now, so we're

578
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:20,119
Speaker 2: gonna get a peek into Let's see the cleaning. The

579
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:23,760
Speaker 2: daily cleaning list. Here's today's list, and the same every

580
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:26,040
Speaker 2: other Friday when I'm off. Keep in mind, this oft

581
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:28,640
Speaker 2: time is earned by working ten hour days every day

582
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,600
Speaker 2: of the nine days I do work each two weeks,

583
00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,679
Speaker 2: not like a bonus. I only worked thirty hours this week. Okay,

584
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:37,639
Speaker 2: here's the reasonable chores. Laundry for the whole household seems

585
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:39,840
Speaker 2: to be about six loads for the week, including towels,

586
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:41,960
Speaker 2: hand towels, sheets, blankets, blah blah blah, as well as

587
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:44,359
Speaker 2: all three of our clothes, and then a few dry

588
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,960
Speaker 2: clean in bag loads for her stuff. My dry clean

589
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,040
Speaker 2: stuff goes to an actual cleaner, as do some of hers.

590
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:51,920
Speaker 2: I'll prepare dinner for tonight. She left a specific recipe

591
00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:53,800
Speaker 2: which is like a two hour affair, which is a

592
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,600
Speaker 2: bit when I could have made something simpler, but I'm home,

593
00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:57,960
Speaker 2: so I get this to an extent.

594
00:23:58,160 --> 00:23:59,760
Speaker 1: The clean the kitchen by wiping down.

595
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:02,320
Speaker 2: Counters, cleaning the microwave soup did explode in it recently

596
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:05,800
Speaker 2: so it looks dirty, cleaning stove and burners, et cetera.

597
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:08,120
Speaker 2: There are other things on the kitchen list that seem

598
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:11,119
Speaker 2: less reasonable, Like she wants the oven cleaned every other

599
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:13,639
Speaker 2: week with baking soda and a scrub down. This seems

600
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,360
Speaker 2: like an annual thing to me, not like in every

601
00:24:15,359 --> 00:24:18,320
Speaker 2: other weeping and the whole refrigerator cleaned out and scrubbed

602
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:19,400
Speaker 2: every other week.

603
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:21,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, because I just I feel like if you're a

604
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,320
Speaker 4: stay at home parent and you don't have much else

605
00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:26,480
Speaker 4: to do besides like hang out with the kid, take

606
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:29,080
Speaker 4: care of the kid, and like, uh, do school work

607
00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:31,760
Speaker 4: and stuff, and if you don't have any hobbies, I'd

608
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:33,720
Speaker 4: probably be cleaning all the time too, if that was

609
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:35,680
Speaker 4: all I had to do and I didn't have any

610
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:38,280
Speaker 4: other interests or just things to spend.

611
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:41,040
Speaker 5: My money my time, clean, clean, clean, Yeah.

612
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:43,360
Speaker 4: I would totally do that. But guess what, that's not

613
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:44,679
Speaker 4: the most important thing to me.

614
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:46,360
Speaker 1: I got more stuff, man.

615
00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:50,720
Speaker 2: Even cleaning out the burner pans doesn't seem like something

616
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,480
Speaker 2: you do every other week to me, But whatever. Also,

617
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,879
Speaker 2: all the cupboards and cabinets, no bleach in the kitchen

618
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:58,000
Speaker 2: except for the floor, of course. Vacuum in the house.

619
00:24:58,040 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 2: This would be reasonable, except she just had me to

620
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:03,200
Speaker 2: do it. Changing the linens in the guest bedroom. Whatever

621
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:06,760
Speaker 2: seems weird but not time consuming. Things that seem less reasonable.

622
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:09,280
Speaker 2: Using the deep carpet clean machine. After vacuuming for the

623
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:11,560
Speaker 2: second or third time this week. I think she vacuumed

624
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:14,520
Speaker 2: ones too. Leather cleaning the leather couches in the sitting room.

625
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:17,800
Speaker 2: There are instructions that look horrifying for this. Bleach cleaning

626
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:20,440
Speaker 2: the floors, two bathrooms, one kitchen, two patio, back in

627
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:23,080
Speaker 2: front with the scrub brush. Dusting the whole house, including

628
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:26,000
Speaker 2: moving furniture and getting every base board. There's about a

629
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:29,199
Speaker 2: page worth of dusting instructions. And by the way, I

630
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:31,560
Speaker 2: have instructions for you for you to go listen to

631
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:35,159
Speaker 2: full episodes of stories just like this on Spotify, on

632
00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:38,720
Speaker 2: Apple podcasts, on iHeartRadio, wherever you listen to podcasts, just

633
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:41,480
Speaker 2: search Okay, storytime, and I think we have a fair

634
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:44,359
Speaker 2: chunk of story lift. We're only halfway through. Yeah, I'm

635
00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:46,640
Speaker 2: getting the sense that maybe the cleaning is a little extreme.

636
00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:48,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm feeling that way too.

637
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:50,960
Speaker 4: Maybe she's got some sort of control problem, Maybe she's

638
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:54,920
Speaker 4: got some sort of like health anxiety problem, something like that.

639
00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:55,600
Speaker 5: I don't know.

640
00:25:55,840 --> 00:26:00,680
Speaker 2: So I think this is a great situation for compromise. Right,

641
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,719
Speaker 2: we go to our wife and we say, hey, I

642
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:06,360
Speaker 2: have some thoughts. Yeah, and here's what I'm down to do.

643
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 2: Here's what I'll be doing. Right, I think you should

644
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:10,840
Speaker 2: get over the vacuum buddy. Vacuum all the time.

645
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:12,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's that's a good one.

646
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,280
Speaker 1: Vacuuming twice a week is not abnormal.

647
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,600
Speaker 2: Doing the deep cleaning carpet thing every two weeks, though,

648
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:20,160
Speaker 2: that is a little abnormal. Yeah, leather treating your couch

649
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,800
Speaker 2: is normal. Not every week, it's not, but you know,

650
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:26,160
Speaker 2: I don't know. Moving furniture to get dust also kind

651
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:29,160
Speaker 2: of normal. Having to dust the entirety of the house

652
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:29,920
Speaker 2: every week.

653
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:31,800
Speaker 1: Though not super normal. It's maybe like a once a

654
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:32,640
Speaker 1: month type deal.

655
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:35,680
Speaker 5: Having to clean out your your fridge and your in your.

656
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:36,840
Speaker 1: Cabinet twice a month.

657
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 2: Maybe, Well, no, that's what they're doing, oh oh oh,

658
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:42,040
Speaker 2: every two weeks. Weekly, every two weeks. They're scrubbing out

659
00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:43,520
Speaker 2: the whole fridge every two weeks.

660
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,240
Speaker 4: They're like it's gotta be some sort of like, oh,

661
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:49,360
Speaker 4: she's worried about being healthy, or when they have people over, she's.

662
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:51,560
Speaker 5: Worried about being judged for like not being clean.

663
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:53,600
Speaker 4: Because like a lot of these things, like I get it,

664
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,080
Speaker 4: they do build up, and so if you take care

665
00:26:56,119 --> 00:26:58,440
Speaker 4: of it, like you know, every now and then, then

666
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,119
Speaker 4: like you won't it won't be that bad once you

667
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:04,080
Speaker 4: just like leave it alone. But like what, ay is

668
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:06,399
Speaker 4: the time if it's not that big of a deal

669
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:09,639
Speaker 4: to like have it a tiny bit like messy or

670
00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:11,439
Speaker 4: have it build up a little bit, then like you

671
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:13,679
Speaker 4: can you can do deep wings a little bit, like

672
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:15,480
Speaker 4: once thing's build up and you'll be fine.

673
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:17,800
Speaker 2: Yeah. I thought I was gonna be I thought, OPI

674
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:19,520
Speaker 2: was gonna be so wrong in this, and they're totally

675
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:20,880
Speaker 2: like not in the wrong at all.

676
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,600
Speaker 5: Really, No, Yeah, we support you, Opie.

677
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:24,240
Speaker 1: Yeah.

678
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:26,720
Speaker 2: And then there are things I do without her asking,

679
00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:29,720
Speaker 2: Like a dishwasher was run last night, so I already

680
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:31,919
Speaker 2: put away dishes, took out the trash this morning. I

681
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:34,080
Speaker 2: cleaned up a few stray shoes on the floor. I

682
00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:35,920
Speaker 2: made the bed when she left for work. Of course,

683
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:37,560
Speaker 2: she's gonna be pissed if I don't get it all

684
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:40,280
Speaker 2: done because I was on Reddit, but I honestly feel overwhelmed.

685
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:41,960
Speaker 2: I plan to get at least the laundry, dinner, and

686
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:43,840
Speaker 2: kitchen done. And there's some comments. Let's see what they

687
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:46,040
Speaker 2: have to say for this poor soul. Comment one just

688
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,520
Speaker 2: a quick note to add to other advice here. Some

689
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:50,680
Speaker 2: of her chores are actually damaging, Like what you're doing

690
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:53,120
Speaker 2: to the carpet by over vacuuming will wear it down.

691
00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:55,960
Speaker 2: The leather cleaning will wear it faster. Scrubbing wood floors

692
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:58,360
Speaker 2: with a brush too often will damage the finish.

693
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:00,760
Speaker 1: This is a really good point and goes the bathrooms too.

694
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:02,440
Speaker 2: If you have grout, the more you clean, the more

695
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 2: you need to seal it to prevent penetration of water

696
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:07,320
Speaker 2: and other substances, which causes deep mold growth that isn't

697
00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:10,200
Speaker 2: always readily apparent. If you have granite or stone tile,

698
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:13,600
Speaker 2: that's the same advice. Sealans finishes in calking, and a

699
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 2: lot of natural surfaces and fibers, which are expensive to

700
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:19,439
Speaker 2: repair or replace, are incredibly vulnerable to overcleaning. A second

701
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:21,919
Speaker 2: comment says a couple of ideas. First, ask her to

702
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:24,960
Speaker 2: prioritize her list from what she considers the most important

703
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:26,560
Speaker 2: to least important. Then tell her you will do the

704
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:28,960
Speaker 2: top three or five things from the list to ask

705
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:31,600
Speaker 2: for a compromise on the frequency. Unless you have multiple

706
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:34,040
Speaker 2: pets or a confetti machine. There's really no need to

707
00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:36,320
Speaker 2: vacuum three times a week. If your daughter has severe

708
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:39,560
Speaker 2: allergies or something, maybe, but realistically most people just vacuum

709
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 2: once per week. Same thing with cleaning bathrooms. A deep

710
00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:45,080
Speaker 2: clean once on the weekends, and then have some disinfecting

711
00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:47,120
Speaker 2: wipes on the toilet tank for quick messes, you can

712
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:49,720
Speaker 2: just wipe up anytime they happen. I even do one

713
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:52,120
Speaker 2: bathroom on Saturday and then one bathroom on Wednesday, so

714
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:54,240
Speaker 2: I don't feel like I'm doing all the cleaning on

715
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 2: the weekends. Three Impress upon her your understanding that you

716
00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:58,920
Speaker 2: need to be an equal partner, but that doesn't mean

717
00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:01,240
Speaker 2: you both view cleaning in the same way. What might

718
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:04,360
Speaker 2: be her minimum cleanliness standards don't have to be yours,

719
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 2: and that you both need to meet somewhere in the

720
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:09,719
Speaker 2: middle and work towards that together. Four. Also let her

721
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:11,720
Speaker 2: know how important your free time is to you. Your

722
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:13,520
Speaker 2: daughter is not going to grow up in wish she

723
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:16,080
Speaker 2: had spent more time cleaning with you as the daughter

724
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 2: of a mother who was a bit ocd about cleaning. Uh,

725
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:20,560
Speaker 2: let me assure you that this is a fact she

726
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:22,800
Speaker 2: will have wished she spent more time one on one

727
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:24,520
Speaker 2: with both of you doing fun things.

728
00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 1: Maybe remind her of this. Keep the priorities straight.

729
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,640
Speaker 2: There will always be time for tidying up, but your

730
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:31,240
Speaker 2: daughter is going to grow up in the blink of

731
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 2: an eye and you don't get that time back.

732
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:33,840
Speaker 1: Good luck. Ope.

733
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:36,840
Speaker 2: Comment three, Oh, you guys definitely need a cleaning lady.

734
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:39,440
Speaker 2: I haven't cleaned a bathroom in two years. When I

735
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:42,160
Speaker 2: started looking for recommendations, I was surprised to find out

736
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:44,360
Speaker 2: pretty much all my friends who work had one. I

737
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:46,880
Speaker 2: always thought I was just a lazy slob. That's what

738
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 2: I would fight for if I were you. Then she

739
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:51,480
Speaker 2: gets the clean house she wants and you both get

740
00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:55,920
Speaker 2: free time. Additional questions from Ope serious question. Is it

741
00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:58,719
Speaker 2: fair for me op to have like five or ten

742
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:01,520
Speaker 2: hours a week to myself to do something I personally

743
00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 2: enjoy as a hobby as well? Or is that too

744
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:06,040
Speaker 2: much to expect as a husband and dad. It's usually

745
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 2: closer to five than ten, but sometimes on the weeks.

746
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:10,840
Speaker 2: I get Fridays off. I have had ten before. I

747
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:12,920
Speaker 2: understand if I don't get the time because it's the

748
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:15,200
Speaker 2: holidays or my daughter is sick. I'm not a stickler,

749
00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:17,000
Speaker 2: but I feel like some hobby time for me in

750
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:20,000
Speaker 2: the week is reasonable. And my wife doesn't really agree

751
00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:22,400
Speaker 2: with that because she doesn't take any for herself, though

752
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 2: I try to afford her the opportunity to do so.

753
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:27,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's totally unreasonable. You should not have any hobbies.

754
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:30,200
Speaker 2: I think your wife is confusing her own decisions to

755
00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:34,040
Speaker 2: spend her time doing what could be considered work. Yeah,

756
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 2: with this is what you should spend your time doing

757
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:40,160
Speaker 2: as well. Yeah, exactly, she's deciding to use her extra

758
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 2: time to do more cleaning.

759
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:44,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't have to. People are allowed to have hobbies.

760
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:49,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, parents, husbands, they guess what, spend time doing things

761
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 2: that aren't tours or work.

762
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:52,560
Speaker 5: Yes, please please.

763
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:55,200
Speaker 2: It sounds like your wife's hobby is cleaning and she's

764
00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:57,120
Speaker 2: trying to rope you into it. Put your foot down

765
00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 2: and don't let her walk all over you. This is

766
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:01,560
Speaker 2: her problem. If you have trouble getting in the time,

767
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:04,240
Speaker 2: why not have a father daughter hobby hour on Sunday,

768
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:06,240
Speaker 2: she can color and you can do your hobby thing

769
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:08,800
Speaker 2: and your wife can clean. Loll Opie says, I think

770
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:11,920
Speaker 2: my wife cannot relax and enjoy herself in something she

771
00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:15,120
Speaker 2: considers not productive if there's something productive to do. So

772
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:17,680
Speaker 2: my hobby time has been a bit of a point

773
00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:20,480
Speaker 2: of contention sometimes due to her seeing productive things that

774
00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:23,320
Speaker 2: could be done. But instead I want some free time

775
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:25,560
Speaker 2: on Sundays. I really like to do things with a

776
00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:28,000
Speaker 2: full focus on my daughter. I consider parenting a very

777
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:31,560
Speaker 2: important responsibility, so I wouldn't sacrifice that daddy daughter time

778
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 2: for hobby time, though sometimes my daughter and I will

779
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:35,120
Speaker 2: play games together.

780
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 1: Usually my daughter gets choices throughout the week.

781
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:40,560
Speaker 2: She also has a special sticker chart where she gets

782
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:43,120
Speaker 2: extra special trips or treats on Sundays if she's earned

783
00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:45,600
Speaker 2: them through good grades or good behavior, et cetera. Reply,

784
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:47,920
Speaker 2: if your daughter is six, why doesn't she have chores

785
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:50,040
Speaker 2: that she needs to do throughout the week and weekends?

786
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:53,000
Speaker 2: Little things, but chores. It might help loosen your wife up.

787
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:56,920
Speaker 2: What are you talking about conscripting the child into being

788
00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:59,719
Speaker 2: a chore Lackie is not going to ease anyone up.

789
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:01,920
Speaker 5: He's six. What she gonna do when she's six.

790
00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:04,160
Speaker 2: I mean six year olds can learn how, Like you

791
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:07,160
Speaker 2: should be teaching your kids how to clean.

792
00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:09,760
Speaker 4: Sure, but I think giving her chores is like, you know,

793
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:12,680
Speaker 4: she's a kid, yeah, like like maybe have her clean

794
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:16,240
Speaker 4: her own things, but like, you know, clean up after herself,

795
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:18,040
Speaker 4: clean up little things here and there. But I feel

796
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:21,520
Speaker 4: like chores are usually assigned when you like want something done.

797
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:23,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, but if you're gonna assign into a six year old,

798
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:24,320
Speaker 5: don't expect them.

799
00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:26,400
Speaker 2: Six year old chores needs to be like make a

800
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:30,040
Speaker 2: peanut butter and jelly and clean up, yeah, wow, we

801
00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:32,520
Speaker 2: did it. Put all your toys back in their little

802
00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:33,080
Speaker 2: toy box.

803
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:34,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, those are the six year old chores.

804
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:35,120
Speaker 5: Yeah.

805
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:37,160
Speaker 2: Some of the most fun I've have cleaning is with

806
00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:39,080
Speaker 2: my two year old. He loves to sweep and wash

807
00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:41,040
Speaker 2: windows and pick things up and help in any way

808
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:43,320
Speaker 2: he can't. He gets furious if you don't let him

809
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:45,360
Speaker 2: start the washer and dryer. He's very handy and he's

810
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:47,440
Speaker 2: only two. My six year old doesn't do many chores,

811
00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:49,080
Speaker 2: but he lives with his dad most of the time.

812
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:51,080
Speaker 2: But when he's with us, I can say he cleans up,

813
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:53,840
Speaker 2: and he will. I will say, hey, clean up this,

814
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:55,800
Speaker 2: and he will do. It's a huge stress relief knowing

815
00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:58,080
Speaker 2: there are more hands to help, meaning less for me

816
00:32:58,160 --> 00:32:58,360
Speaker 2: to do.

817
00:32:58,520 --> 00:32:59,880
Speaker 1: Might want to bring it up as an option.

818
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 2: Also, kids are brutal about what they think is clean

819
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:04,040
Speaker 2: or not clean, so they may be closer to your

820
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:06,160
Speaker 2: views on it. And your daughter might help your wife

821
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:08,400
Speaker 2: see that most people see it as clean even if

822
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:10,240
Speaker 2: she doesn't, and that it doesn't have to be pinterest

823
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:12,200
Speaker 2: ready at the drop of a hat, Opie says, our

824
00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:14,880
Speaker 2: daughter has chores like cleaning her room, picking up after herself,

825
00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:16,840
Speaker 2: and making her bed, but she's not allowed near the

826
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:19,120
Speaker 2: cleaning supplies as they're all a bit toxic for a

827
00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:19,760
Speaker 2: six year old.

828
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:21,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that is the end of that story.

829
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:23,600
Speaker 5: Wow, dude, get a maid, Yeah, end of the day.

830
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:26,280
Speaker 2: If you can afford a cleaning service, yeah, I would

831
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:28,200
Speaker 2: just do that, and that solves everyone's problems if.

832
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:31,600
Speaker 4: We've got these these standards, honestly, just do that. And

833
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:34,000
Speaker 4: if she wants an extra then she that's her hobby

834
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:34,640
Speaker 4: and she can do that.

835
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:35,000
Speaker 1: Yep.

836
00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:37,760
Speaker 3: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories.

837
00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:39,600
Speaker 3: But here's three minutes of bads from our sponsors.

838
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:44,239
Speaker 5: I refuse to have my brother's pregnant girlfriend in my

839
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:45,480
Speaker 5: wedding photos.

840
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 1: She's not family and neither is the child inside of it.

841
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:52,160
Speaker 5: I got married last weekend. I'm still so pissed off

842
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:54,600
Speaker 5: at what my brother did. He took all of the

843
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:57,680
Speaker 5: attention off me and my husband. Normally I don't feel

844
00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:00,200
Speaker 5: the need to be the center of attention, but this

845
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:02,720
Speaker 5: was my freaking wedding day. I feel like it's all

846
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:05,040
Speaker 5: anyone was talking about during the wedding, and now it's

847
00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:07,640
Speaker 5: like the main thing any of them even remember from

848
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 5: the entire thing. By the way, this comes from available

849
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:12,040
Speaker 5: T seventy five twenty eight and if you want to

850
00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:14,240
Speaker 5: smit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

851
00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:17,319
Speaker 5: story time subredd Eda. It was a destination wedding within

852
00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:19,799
Speaker 5: the US, so nothing crazy. We kept the guest list

853
00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:22,520
Speaker 5: to our families immediate and extended, as well as close

854
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:25,080
Speaker 5: as friends. My parents paid for our immediate family to

855
00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:27,799
Speaker 5: arrive about five days ahead of time, so it was

856
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:30,600
Speaker 5: my parents, my sister and I initially, and my brother

857
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:33,319
Speaker 5: arriving a few days later. We knew my brother was

858
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:35,480
Speaker 5: bringing a date, no big deal, he said he was

859
00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:38,040
Speaker 5: just bringing a girl from school. He didn't even call

860
00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:40,960
Speaker 5: her his girlfriend officially. My parents showed up at the

861
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:43,120
Speaker 5: airport to pick my brother up, and there he was

862
00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:47,320
Speaker 5: hand in hand with an obviously pregnant girl that none

863
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:50,880
Speaker 5: of us had ever met. My parents were obviously taken aback.

864
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:53,680
Speaker 5: My brother greeted them like everything was normal, according to

865
00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:55,719
Speaker 5: my mom, and my parents didn't really know what to

866
00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:59,479
Speaker 5: do or say. Then he just said surprise. My poor

867
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:02,600
Speaker 5: mom almost fainted and claims my dad yelled out, what

868
00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 5: the if have you done? He introduces us to this girl,

869
00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:09,239
Speaker 5: but doesn't clarify if she's his girlfriend, and doesn't give

870
00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:11,920
Speaker 5: us much info at all. Really, it was very weird.

871
00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:14,520
Speaker 5: It was obvious that she was uncomfortable. She said she

872
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:17,000
Speaker 5: wasn't feeling well and needed to go lie down after

873
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:19,040
Speaker 5: the flight, so at dinner it was just her family

874
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:21,560
Speaker 5: as she was resting. We were all awkwardly sitting around

875
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:24,439
Speaker 5: the table eating dinner, barely saying a word. My mom

876
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:28,399
Speaker 5: finally says, brother's name. Is that your baby? By then

877
00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:31,200
Speaker 5: we all assumed it was, but my mom needed confirmation.

878
00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:33,839
Speaker 5: The lack of any real explanation or details from him

879
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:37,480
Speaker 5: up until then was just odd. He admitted it's technically

880
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:40,719
Speaker 5: not his baby, but he's in love with her and

881
00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:43,400
Speaker 5: intends on being a father to the baby. Anyway, the

882
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:46,360
Speaker 5: actual father isn't involved and doesn't want to be, and

883
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:48,440
Speaker 5: if they get married then he can adopt the baby,

884
00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:51,000
Speaker 5: so he'll legally be the father. She's living with him,

885
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:52,880
Speaker 5: and none of us knew this either. He's been her

886
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:56,200
Speaker 5: main support person throughout the entire thing. She's twenty eight

887
00:35:56,239 --> 00:35:59,319
Speaker 5: weeks well twenty nine, since this was over a week ago.

888
00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:01,040
Speaker 5: I think with this, it was worse than what we

889
00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:03,319
Speaker 5: had all assumed. So in love with her that he's

890
00:36:03,360 --> 00:36:06,920
Speaker 5: going to take on the responsibility of her child and marrier,

891
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 5: yet we've never even heard of her. He said he

892
00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:11,960
Speaker 5: has mentioned her quite a few times. Well maybe he's

893
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:14,600
Speaker 5: mentioned her name and passing, not to me, maybe to

894
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:17,640
Speaker 5: my parents, but never said she was his girlfriend or pregnant.

895
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:21,800
Speaker 5: None of us understand he's twenty one, about to graduate college,

896
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:25,160
Speaker 5: planning to enter law school next and he's an attractive guy.

897
00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:28,839
Speaker 5: Why would he do this? My parents, especially my mom,

898
00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:31,400
Speaker 5: were stressing out about it all week and long throughout

899
00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:34,360
Speaker 5: my entire wedding weekend. It was like my wedding became

900
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:36,880
Speaker 5: an afterthought all my parents could talk about was how

901
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:39,359
Speaker 5: to make my brother change his mind about this girl. Then,

902
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:42,440
Speaker 5: when the wedding photographer was taking family pictures, he wanted

903
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:44,960
Speaker 5: her in them. That was really the breaking point for me.

904
00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:48,440
Speaker 5: She isn't family. None of us knew about the relationship,

905
00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:50,640
Speaker 5: and we met her two days prior. She shouldn't be

906
00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:53,319
Speaker 5: in our official family pictures from my wedding. It's like,

907
00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:55,239
Speaker 5: forget the bride and room. Look at the random a

908
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:57,800
Speaker 5: heavily pregnant woman hitching herself to my brother.

909
00:36:58,080 --> 00:36:58,160
Speaker 2: No.

910
00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:01,399
Speaker 5: I told him, no, oh, I refuse to let her

911
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:03,520
Speaker 5: be in the photos. My mom made me allow her

912
00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:05,799
Speaker 5: to be in one picture, but said we don't have

913
00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 5: to buy that one or put it on display anywhere.

914
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:11,839
Speaker 5: It just made my blood boil. Anyway, I don't think

915
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:13,960
Speaker 5: he should have brought her. There was no reason to

916
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:16,919
Speaker 5: bring her to my wedding, especially without warning. I mean,

917
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:18,919
Speaker 5: it's all my side of the family could talk about,

918
00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:21,359
Speaker 5: and he was reticent to even correct them about it

919
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:23,880
Speaker 5: not being his baby. He said, that's because it was

920
00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:26,680
Speaker 5: awkward for her to have to explain the full scenario

921
00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:29,400
Speaker 5: to everyone, so we just let people think what they wanted.

922
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:32,480
Speaker 5: Why didn't you explain it before you came to this wedding.

923
00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:34,319
Speaker 2: It was all just so that he could use the

924
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:37,799
Speaker 2: word reticent exactly within context.

925
00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:40,520
Speaker 5: Because he wouldn't at least say something. Everyone was gossiping

926
00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:43,839
Speaker 5: and wondering about it the whole time. I'm posting this

927
00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:46,600
Speaker 5: because I'm upset that several friends and even my own

928
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:49,040
Speaker 5: mom are telling me I'm just over reacting and I

929
00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:50,799
Speaker 5: just need to accept it. When I told the group

930
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:53,439
Speaker 5: of my coworkers about it after the fact they weren't

931
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:55,640
Speaker 5: at the wedding, they agreed with me and thought what

932
00:37:55,719 --> 00:37:59,880
Speaker 5: my brother did was absolutely insane and rude and consents

933
00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:02,880
Speaker 5: sop He is not the ale. And people are saying

934
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:05,920
Speaker 5: that the brother did that at Opie's wedding to divert

935
00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:09,960
Speaker 5: attention from or to him, and there are some comments

936
00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:12,879
Speaker 5: and an update. Had the brother introduced her at home,

937
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:15,440
Speaker 5: his parents might have completely lost their crap on him.

938
00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:17,760
Speaker 5: At Opie's wedding, he thought his parents would be focused

939
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:20,120
Speaker 5: on the wedding and their response would be muted. I

940
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:23,200
Speaker 5: would be pissed too. It probably wasn't about wanting attention

941
00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:25,719
Speaker 5: as much as it was about using your event. Your

942
00:38:25,719 --> 00:38:27,560
Speaker 5: parents couldn't make too much of a stink about a

943
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:30,640
Speaker 5: situation because that would ruin your wedding, and it also

944
00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:33,640
Speaker 5: enabled him to push for rapid acceptance, which is why

945
00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:36,680
Speaker 5: he wanted her in the pictures. From his perspective, he's

946
00:38:36,719 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 5: now passed the most awkward part of telling everyone and

947
00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:43,560
Speaker 5: getting her included, and nobody could argue too much because

948
00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:46,399
Speaker 5: it would have disrupted things for you, and another verson

949
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:48,879
Speaker 5: says not the ale weddings aren't a place to make

950
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:52,720
Speaker 5: announcements or give surprises unless it's the bride and groom

951
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:54,919
Speaker 5: doing the announcing. I agree with some of the other

952
00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:57,239
Speaker 5: commenters that think he was using your wedding as a

953
00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:59,320
Speaker 5: shield so that no one could really blow.

954
00:38:59,200 --> 00:38:59,520
Speaker 1: Up at him.

955
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:01,799
Speaker 5: I feel bad for the poor girl, though your brother

956
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:03,719
Speaker 5: was such a coward that he had to drag her

957
00:39:03,760 --> 00:39:06,400
Speaker 5: on a plane just to introduce her to his family.

958
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:09,760
Speaker 5: I imagine she felt the tension and won't entirely feel welcomed

959
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:11,840
Speaker 5: into the family now that you all know the baby

960
00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:14,840
Speaker 5: isn't your brother's. I don't think I would have attended

961
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:16,920
Speaker 5: your wedding if I was the pregnant girl, because no

962
00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:19,320
Speaker 5: one in your family even knew about her. Your wedding

963
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:21,600
Speaker 5: was not a good place for introductions or getting to

964
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:23,800
Speaker 5: know each other. Unless your bron never told the girl

965
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:25,680
Speaker 5: that none of you knew about her. I can't help

966
00:39:25,719 --> 00:39:27,840
Speaker 5: but feel there's more to this on your brother's behalf.

967
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:30,680
Speaker 5: I mean, who does that. I agree about the wedding photos,

968
00:39:30,719 --> 00:39:32,960
Speaker 5: but your mom was correct to have one photo with

969
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:35,320
Speaker 5: her in it in case she is a permanent family member.

970
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:38,760
Speaker 5: Don't let this overshadow your wedding day. Wedding days are important,

971
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:41,760
Speaker 5: but not near as important as the decades that follow.

972
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:45,799
Speaker 5: And oh pee response. I'm not looking for attention. I'm

973
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:47,879
Speaker 5: looking to vent and see if most people would feel

974
00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:50,080
Speaker 5: the same way if this happened to them. I'm frustrated

975
00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:52,120
Speaker 5: that several friends are telling me it's not a big deal,

976
00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:54,279
Speaker 5: as if they wouldn't be upset if this happened to them.

977
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:56,800
Speaker 5: It's not that I was mad about him bringing somebody

978
00:39:56,840 --> 00:39:59,439
Speaker 5: I've never met before. I didn't expect him to bring

979
00:39:59,520 --> 00:40:02,600
Speaker 5: up pregnant girlfriend and Nazi basically plans to become a

980
00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:04,840
Speaker 5: father and husband, and then ask for her to be

981
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:08,200
Speaker 5: included in the wedding photos even if she wasn't pregnant.

982
00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:10,319
Speaker 5: I think it'd be weird and rude to request for

983
00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 5: his girlfriend, who none of us knew, to be included.

984
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:15,120
Speaker 5: Just because I was fine with him bringing a date

985
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:17,239
Speaker 5: that we'd never met doesn't mean I was fine with

986
00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:19,560
Speaker 5: the rest of it. He could have told us ahead

987
00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:22,160
Speaker 5: of time at the very least hope, he says. I

988
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:25,080
Speaker 5: am concerned about him ruining his life. It's almost all

989
00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:27,359
Speaker 5: my parents could talk about all weekend. We all think

990
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:30,040
Speaker 5: he's insane and that this will be a gigantic mistake.

991
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:33,160
Speaker 5: In her defense, she seemed very uncomfortable the entire time,

992
00:40:33,239 --> 00:40:34,960
Speaker 5: and I don't think she wanted to be there. I

993
00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:37,720
Speaker 5: think my brother may have forced this on her as well.

994
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:39,520
Speaker 5: I don't think I would have been so upset about

995
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:41,720
Speaker 5: her presence if we had just known ahead of time.

996
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:43,680
Speaker 5: He had months to tell us what was going on.

997
00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:45,960
Speaker 5: There's no reason he had to spring it on us

998
00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:48,960
Speaker 5: and our entire family at our wedding. He's twenty one.

999
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:52,440
Speaker 5: This decision could affect the entire trajectory of his life.

1000
00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:55,040
Speaker 5: It's like he's cleaning up somebody else's mistake and he's

1001
00:40:55,080 --> 00:40:57,760
Speaker 5: going to suffer because of it. He's the youngest child.

1002
00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:00,480
Speaker 5: He definitely gets his way way more more than my

1003
00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:04,520
Speaker 5: sister and I ever could. Anything he does usually gets forgiven.

1004
00:41:04,719 --> 00:41:06,320
Speaker 5: This is a big thing to forgive, though. This is

1005
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:07,360
Speaker 5: a big one for the parents.

1006
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:09,280
Speaker 1: Was why you do a secret wedding? Folks?

1007
00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:11,680
Speaker 5: If he wasn't twenty one and still in college, I

1008
00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:14,760
Speaker 5: might feel differently regarding his decision. I wouldn't feel differently

1009
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:16,600
Speaker 5: about the way we found out, but I might be

1010
00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:19,839
Speaker 5: more supportive in general if circumstances were different. I don't

1011
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:22,000
Speaker 5: think he did it to be malicious. I don't think

1012
00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:23,719
Speaker 5: he thought about what he was doing to me. He

1013
00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:27,120
Speaker 5: also hasn't apologized, though. If after being told something you

1014
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:30,080
Speaker 5: did was rude and hurtful, at least own up to it. Yeah,

1015
00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:33,280
Speaker 5: he's basically a baby himself still and is not prepared

1016
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:35,680
Speaker 5: to be somebody's dad. He said they were friends for

1017
00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:39,000
Speaker 5: two years, but it didn't turn romantic until after she

1018
00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:42,560
Speaker 5: was pregnant. Yeah, it was still a beautiful ceremony, and

1019
00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:45,360
Speaker 5: everything else went exactly as I wanted. Somebody comments it

1020
00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:48,080
Speaker 5: must have been a prank to not have admitted that

1021
00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:51,000
Speaker 5: by now he'd truly have to hate me. That would

1022
00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:54,279
Speaker 5: almost be worse because it'd means he intentionally planned to

1023
00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:55,759
Speaker 5: do this to me. I'm at least giving him the

1024
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:58,279
Speaker 5: benefit of the doubt that he didn't fully realize what

1025
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:00,560
Speaker 5: this would do to me as the bride. Twenty one,

1026
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:03,360
Speaker 5: and he's had a string of girlfriends going back to

1027
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:06,840
Speaker 5: probably about fifth grade. He almost always has a girlfriend.

1028
00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:10,759
Speaker 5: The seriousness of some, slash most of these relationships is questionable,

1029
00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:12,840
Speaker 5: but that's to be expected for his age. If I

1030
00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:15,480
Speaker 5: were her, I would have absolutely refused to attend. My

1031
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:17,960
Speaker 5: parents pay for where he lives and for where his

1032
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:20,640
Speaker 5: girlfriend is now apparently living. Asked them if they were

1033
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:23,040
Speaker 5: going to stop paying, and they said, well, we can't

1034
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:25,920
Speaker 5: make them homeless. They also paid for a huge chunk

1035
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:28,680
Speaker 5: of his college tuition. They paid for a small fraction

1036
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:30,560
Speaker 5: of my tuition and told me if I wanted to

1037
00:42:30,560 --> 00:42:32,200
Speaker 5: move out of the dorms, I would have to pay

1038
00:42:32,239 --> 00:42:34,880
Speaker 5: for that myself. I did move into my apartment with

1039
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:37,600
Speaker 5: a boyfriend eventually, but my parents didn't help me out.

1040
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:41,000
Speaker 5: My mom criticized me for living with my boyfriend without

1041
00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:44,359
Speaker 5: being married and we couldn't even afford furniture. They say

1042
00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:46,880
Speaker 5: they were just in a better financial position by the

1043
00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:49,120
Speaker 5: time my brother went to college, and they admitted they

1044
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:51,640
Speaker 5: should have helped me more and just didn't realize. They

1045
00:42:51,719 --> 00:42:54,520
Speaker 5: learned from their mistakes and decided to do things differently

1046
00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:56,640
Speaker 5: once my brother went off to school. But they did

1047
00:42:56,680 --> 00:42:58,480
Speaker 5: pay a lot for my wedding. My husband and I

1048
00:42:58,560 --> 00:43:02,000
Speaker 5: also contributed to financially to the wedding. And responding to

1049
00:43:02,040 --> 00:43:04,560
Speaker 5: another comment, I didn't think I had any reason to

1050
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:07,000
Speaker 5: request to meet his date prior to the wedding. He

1051
00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:09,839
Speaker 5: literally said he was bringing a girl from school, Like

1052
00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:13,320
Speaker 5: that's a bridezilla requiring a visual inspection of all wedding

1053
00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:15,480
Speaker 5: guests prior to the big day. Plus, it wasn't a

1054
00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:18,719
Speaker 5: huge guest list. I wouldn't call it an intimate guest list,

1055
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:21,960
Speaker 5: but it was mostly my extended family and his extended family,

1056
00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:25,040
Speaker 5: and a small group of very close friends. So about

1057
00:43:25,040 --> 00:43:27,120
Speaker 5: half of the people there were my family, who were

1058
00:43:27,160 --> 00:43:30,279
Speaker 5: all very surprised and curious about what was going on

1059
00:43:30,360 --> 00:43:32,800
Speaker 5: with my brother. Some people even asked me at the reception,

1060
00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:34,919
Speaker 5: he asked us not to tell anyone the truth about

1061
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:37,000
Speaker 5: him not being the father. I respected that well. I

1062
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:39,840
Speaker 5: told my friends, but I didn't tell anyone in our family.

1063
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:43,480
Speaker 5: Even though I was annoyed, I still followed his wishes.

1064
00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:45,680
Speaker 5: He knows our parents well enough to know that's how

1065
00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 5: they react. That's probably a big reason he didn't tell

1066
00:43:48,239 --> 00:43:50,000
Speaker 5: them about all of this sooner. I don't know how

1067
00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:52,160
Speaker 5: aware she was of the fact none of us knew

1068
00:43:52,239 --> 00:43:54,959
Speaker 5: anything about her. I wasn't going to make her stay

1069
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:57,040
Speaker 5: back at the house. I'm not that rude, even if

1070
00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:58,880
Speaker 5: I was upset about it. I didn't even tell her

1071
00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:01,040
Speaker 5: directly that I didn't want her in the pictures, and

1072
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:03,080
Speaker 5: I wouldn't have said that to her face. She didn't

1073
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:05,280
Speaker 5: even seem like she wanted to be in the pictures.

1074
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:09,080
Speaker 5: She seemed very uncomfortable. She was twenty eight weeks pregnant

1075
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:12,000
Speaker 5: and very obviously so it wasn't a case of anyone

1076
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:12,719
Speaker 5: blurting it out.

1077
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:13,120
Speaker 2: Why.

1078
00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 5: I hope he didn't disinvite the girlfriend. I'm just not

1079
00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:17,560
Speaker 5: the type of person who would do that. I also

1080
00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:19,600
Speaker 5: didn't tell her directly that I didn't want her in

1081
00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:21,840
Speaker 5: the pictures. They don't want him to make this decision

1082
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:24,799
Speaker 5: and derail his whole life about her brother. If they

1083
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:27,400
Speaker 5: stop paying for where he and now she lives, it

1084
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:30,680
Speaker 5: would make things considerably more difficult for him, and maybe

1085
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:33,080
Speaker 5: he might wake up. As it is, he's already hitting

1086
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:35,319
Speaker 5: that he may delay law school because of this, he's

1087
00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:37,839
Speaker 5: graduating in a few months. He was planning to go

1088
00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:40,680
Speaker 5: to law school immediately following, but now he's hinting that

1089
00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:43,080
Speaker 5: hell delay that since he obviously will need to have

1090
00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:45,279
Speaker 5: a full time job to support a baby. Oh and

1091
00:44:45,360 --> 00:44:47,520
Speaker 5: she took a leave of absence from school due to

1092
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:50,080
Speaker 5: her pregnancy, so he'll need to support her while she

1093
00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:52,360
Speaker 5: goes back. He has an outright said he's going to

1094
00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:55,479
Speaker 5: delay his plans, but he's dropped several hints he can't

1095
00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:58,279
Speaker 5: even fully support himself now. My parents pay for much

1096
00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:00,400
Speaker 5: of his life, so if they continue to do that,

1097
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:02,879
Speaker 5: they'll be paying for this girl and her baby too.

1098
00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:05,759
Speaker 5: It's not fair to do that to our parents. The

1099
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:08,920
Speaker 5: thing is, it's almost all my mom could talk about

1100
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:11,680
Speaker 5: for this entire weekend. So now she's telling me to

1101
00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 5: just try and get olverrette. Not my brother's decision. She's

1102
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:16,400
Speaker 5: still in knots over that, but the way he announced it.

1103
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:18,279
Speaker 5: Part of the reason I'm so upset is that at

1104
00:45:18,360 --> 00:45:21,480
Speaker 5: every turn my mom was fretting and crying about it

1105
00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:24,480
Speaker 5: to somebody. There were eighty six guests. Both of my

1106
00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:27,120
Speaker 5: siblings were invited to bring guests. My sister brought her

1107
00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:29,160
Speaker 5: a girlfriend who we already knew would be coming. I

1108
00:45:29,160 --> 00:45:31,480
Speaker 5: only felt it fair to allow my brother to bring

1109
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:33,520
Speaker 5: a date if he wanted. He had a very casual

1110
00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:35,400
Speaker 5: girlfriend at the time I told him that, and they

1111
00:45:35,440 --> 00:45:38,439
Speaker 5: were no longer together by the time official invites went out.

1112
00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:40,840
Speaker 5: I wasn't going to take back the invite for a guest,

1113
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:43,080
Speaker 5: and I really wasn't bothered by the idea of him

1114
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:45,319
Speaker 5: bringing a random girl just for a good time. I

1115
00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:48,080
Speaker 5: didn't think i'd have to check first. Is she visibly pregnant?

1116
00:45:48,239 --> 00:45:50,520
Speaker 5: Are you planning on telling everybody or getting married and

1117
00:45:50,560 --> 00:45:53,120
Speaker 5: having a baby at my wedding. Actually, he does have

1118
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:55,200
Speaker 5: a relationship with all of us, but we don't all

1119
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:58,560
Speaker 5: live in such close proximity that we're physically seeing each

1120
00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:01,320
Speaker 5: other for Sunday dinner. I live about thirty five minutes

1121
00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:04,080
Speaker 5: away from my parents. My sister lives in another state.

1122
00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:06,759
Speaker 5: My brother attends college in another state. We have a

1123
00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:09,760
Speaker 5: family group chat, we video chat. We all have social

1124
00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:12,359
Speaker 5: media and follow each other there, but my brother has

1125
00:46:12,440 --> 00:46:14,600
Speaker 5: never been one to post a lot of personal things there.

1126
00:46:14,640 --> 00:46:16,759
Speaker 5: He didn't come home for Christmas this year, though, which

1127
00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:19,600
Speaker 5: was a hint. Even as adults, we've all come home

1128
00:46:19,640 --> 00:46:22,480
Speaker 5: for Christmas every year, slept in our parents' house on

1129
00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:25,120
Speaker 5: Christmas Eve, act like little kids again. We were all

1130
00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:27,479
Speaker 5: really bummed that he wasn't there. Of course, we talked

1131
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:29,600
Speaker 5: to him throughout Christmas and we all send him gifts.

1132
00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:32,560
Speaker 5: But now it makes a lot more sense. He was

1133
00:46:32,640 --> 00:46:36,480
Speaker 5: actually with her at her family for Christmas. Heck, Christmas

1134
00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:38,279
Speaker 5: would have been a better time to spring this on

1135
00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:40,879
Speaker 5: us than at my wedding. I saw him once back

1136
00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:42,880
Speaker 5: in the fall. He had come home for something. My

1137
00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:45,320
Speaker 5: mom was getting an award that's a pretty big deal

1138
00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:47,960
Speaker 5: in the industry, and he came home to surprise her

1139
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:49,920
Speaker 5: for that. But he never said a word about what

1140
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:53,399
Speaker 5: was going on. Seemed like everything was completely normal. He

1141
00:46:53,480 --> 00:46:56,319
Speaker 5: was just focusing on school and just same old, same old.

1142
00:46:56,480 --> 00:47:00,440
Speaker 5: She's the girlfriend, also twenty one and looks even younger.

1143
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:03,279
Speaker 5: Very pretty girl, also very vulnerable, looking to the point

1144
00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:05,600
Speaker 5: where I would never have been able to say anything

1145
00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:07,839
Speaker 5: rude to her face. I can see why he fell

1146
00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:10,319
Speaker 5: for it, hook line and sinker, But he's sinking with

1147
00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:13,120
Speaker 5: his heart and with what's between his legs and nothing

1148
00:47:13,239 --> 00:47:16,160
Speaker 5: in his actual head. Would it be totally inappropriate for

1149
00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:18,799
Speaker 5: me to give him a shirt that says in my

1150
00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:21,840
Speaker 5: white night era and there is an update four months later.

1151
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:22,719
Speaker 5: But what do you think?

1152
00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:25,480
Speaker 2: I think this is like it's it's starting to turn

1153
00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:27,760
Speaker 2: into a place that I'm like, what are we really?

1154
00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:28,839
Speaker 5: What are we mad about?

1155
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:29,160
Speaker 1: Are we?

1156
00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:32,240
Speaker 2: Are we denigrating our brother for being like I will

1157
00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:35,319
Speaker 2: take care of this fatherless child with my girlfriend that

1158
00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:38,360
Speaker 2: I love. It's I mean, I mean because it's not.

1159
00:47:38,880 --> 00:47:42,040
Speaker 5: It's I kind of understand where hope he's coming from.

1160
00:47:42,080 --> 00:47:45,279
Speaker 5: Because if I had a friend who was at you know,

1161
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:48,040
Speaker 5: that age, like very young, and said, oh, I just

1162
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:50,200
Speaker 5: found out this girl that I was like, I don't know,

1163
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:52,160
Speaker 5: maybe they were casually. We don't really know what the

1164
00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:55,200
Speaker 5: other relationship started. But she's pregnant. He starts falling in

1165
00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:56,960
Speaker 5: love with her, and he's like, yeah, I'm gonna I'm

1166
00:47:56,960 --> 00:47:58,359
Speaker 5: going to become a father. I'm going to take care

1167
00:47:58,400 --> 00:48:02,319
Speaker 5: of her child that's not mine. As that person's like

1168
00:48:02,440 --> 00:48:05,040
Speaker 5: close either family member or friend or something, it would

1169
00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:06,600
Speaker 5: be like, have we thought this through?

1170
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:08,240
Speaker 1: That is true?

1171
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:10,520
Speaker 5: Do you know what goes on with like children? Do

1172
00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:12,319
Speaker 5: you know how much you're gonna have to you know,

1173
00:48:12,440 --> 00:48:15,680
Speaker 5: pay how much time you're gonna have to put into that.

1174
00:48:15,719 --> 00:48:19,120
Speaker 2: Child, sure, but like this still feels like the root

1175
00:48:19,160 --> 00:48:21,399
Speaker 2: of it is. It's like, well, if I had a child,

1176
00:48:21,480 --> 00:48:22,600
Speaker 2: my parents wouldn't.

1177
00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:22,839
Speaker 1: Help me like that.

1178
00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:25,160
Speaker 5: It's also WHYOP needs to talk to her parents. I

1179
00:48:25,239 --> 00:48:27,960
Speaker 5: think I was riding high on wedding hormones and center

1180
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:30,719
Speaker 5: of the Universe vibes at the time, but I've slowly

1181
00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:33,000
Speaker 5: come down to earth in the many weeks since I've

1182
00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:35,359
Speaker 5: last posted. I let my worry about the gossip about

1183
00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:37,440
Speaker 5: my brother and his girlfriend get in the way of

1184
00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:40,160
Speaker 5: me enjoying my day, and there's no way to go

1185
00:48:40,280 --> 00:48:42,560
Speaker 5: back and change it. I also realized that I should

1186
00:48:42,560 --> 00:48:45,280
Speaker 5: have just agreed to do one photo with his girlfriend.

1187
00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:48,160
Speaker 5: Included one photo wouldn't have been important, and it didn't

1188
00:48:48,200 --> 00:48:51,279
Speaker 5: have to be considered the official photo of me and

1189
00:48:51,360 --> 00:48:53,319
Speaker 5: my family that I put in my wedding album or

1190
00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:55,759
Speaker 5: hung on the wall. Instead, I chose to be a

1191
00:48:55,760 --> 00:48:57,800
Speaker 5: witch to somebody I was meeting for the first time

1192
00:48:58,040 --> 00:49:01,160
Speaker 5: and who already felt very uncomfortable. For many weeks after

1193
00:49:01,239 --> 00:49:03,640
Speaker 5: my first post, I was sure I was not the

1194
00:49:03,719 --> 00:49:06,360
Speaker 5: a hole. My eye has deflated, and I've talked to

1195
00:49:06,480 --> 00:49:08,759
Speaker 5: my brother about it. We both came to the conclusion

1196
00:49:08,800 --> 00:49:11,000
Speaker 5: that in our family, we haven't really learned how to

1197
00:49:11,080 --> 00:49:14,439
Speaker 5: have difficult conversations about things that we knew might make

1198
00:49:14,520 --> 00:49:17,759
Speaker 5: somebody else uncomfortable. That's why I couldn't calmly voice my

1199
00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:20,320
Speaker 5: feelings to my brother on my wedding day and instead

1200
00:49:20,480 --> 00:49:23,600
Speaker 5: acted like a spoiled child. It's also why, instead of

1201
00:49:23,640 --> 00:49:26,400
Speaker 5: having normal conversations with our parents to let them know

1202
00:49:26,600 --> 00:49:29,319
Speaker 5: that he was dating somebody who was pregnant by somebody else,

1203
00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:31,440
Speaker 5: and that he was going to be raising this baby

1204
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:34,440
Speaker 5: as his own, he panicked and decided to just announce

1205
00:49:34,440 --> 00:49:36,879
Speaker 5: it without actually having to voice it to them at all,

1206
00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:38,799
Speaker 5: and my wedding just so happened to be the first

1207
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:41,120
Speaker 5: occasion he had to do so. I don't think he

1208
00:49:41,200 --> 00:49:43,680
Speaker 5: meant to her. Several people have asked me about an

1209
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:47,000
Speaker 5: update on my brother and his girlfriend. Well, she's his wife. Now,

1210
00:49:47,320 --> 00:49:50,360
Speaker 5: they got married, they're still together, living together. We've gotten

1211
00:49:50,360 --> 00:49:51,920
Speaker 5: to know her a little better, and she's not as

1212
00:49:51,920 --> 00:49:54,360
Speaker 5: bad as we all wanted to make her out to be.

1213
00:49:54,560 --> 00:49:56,240
Speaker 5: I'm sure she's not. I'm sure she's lovely.

1214
00:49:56,400 --> 00:49:57,879
Speaker 1: No, it's that's not the point again.

1215
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:01,399
Speaker 5: It's less about how lovely she is or how great

1216
00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:02,279
Speaker 5: the baby's gonna be.

1217
00:50:02,400 --> 00:50:05,360
Speaker 2: It's like he's a baby, right. If he doesn't have income,

1218
00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:06,960
Speaker 2: he can't raise a child.

1219
00:50:07,239 --> 00:50:09,760
Speaker 5: I think she genuinely loves my brother, and my brother

1220
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:12,239
Speaker 5: loves her. She just so happened to be pregnant when

1221
00:50:12,239 --> 00:50:14,800
Speaker 5: they met, and they both acknowledge it's a bit unusual.

1222
00:50:14,880 --> 00:50:17,320
Speaker 5: My brother is the type who brings all the stray

1223
00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:19,720
Speaker 5: animals home, so I think we all sort of worried

1224
00:50:19,719 --> 00:50:21,640
Speaker 5: that he just felt bad for her and wanted to

1225
00:50:21,640 --> 00:50:23,759
Speaker 5: help her and protect her. But I think it's more

1226
00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:26,360
Speaker 5: than that. I went to her baby shower. She seems

1227
00:50:26,360 --> 00:50:29,120
Speaker 5: perfectly normal and nice and really crazy about my brother.

1228
00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:31,640
Speaker 5: The baby was finally born at forty one weeks, and

1229
00:50:31,719 --> 00:50:33,680
Speaker 5: of course my brother was there. The baby is several

1230
00:50:33,719 --> 00:50:35,840
Speaker 5: weeks old now. Half the time I forget that the

1231
00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:39,040
Speaker 5: baby isn't actually my brother's baby and isn't actually related

1232
00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:41,440
Speaker 5: to us by blood. After my wedding, my parents started

1233
00:50:41,440 --> 00:50:44,440
Speaker 5: to get more concerned about the whole situation with my brother.

1234
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:47,319
Speaker 5: My mom became the most judgmental one. My brother talked

1235
00:50:47,360 --> 00:50:49,680
Speaker 5: to our dad and eventually got him to realize that

1236
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:51,719
Speaker 5: my brother is an adult and he's gonna do what

1237
00:50:51,760 --> 00:50:54,479
Speaker 5: he wants to do. Eventually, my dad was like, you're right,

1238
00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:57,680
Speaker 5: and I'd rather just support you here. My mom couldn't

1239
00:50:57,760 --> 00:51:00,640
Speaker 5: get on board. You wouldn't let herself even give his

1240
00:51:00,760 --> 00:51:04,000
Speaker 5: girlfriend now wife a chance. She's convinced herself that my

1241
00:51:04,040 --> 00:51:06,879
Speaker 5: brother was just being manipulated and taken advantage of by

1242
00:51:06,880 --> 00:51:09,840
Speaker 5: this evil woman. She told everyone that too. But I

1243
00:51:09,960 --> 00:51:11,719
Speaker 5: have to tell you that you can listen to full

1244
00:51:11,760 --> 00:51:14,800
Speaker 5: episodes of stories just like this. Just go to Spotify,

1245
00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:18,200
Speaker 5: Apple Podcast, or iHeartRadio and search up ok story time.

1246
00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:21,160
Speaker 5: So things were sort of tense because I felt somewhat

1247
00:51:21,160 --> 00:51:23,520
Speaker 5: in the middle at this point. But now my mom

1248
00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:25,800
Speaker 5: has been the only person to baby sits since the birth,

1249
00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:28,600
Speaker 5: which it's like she saw the baby and forgot about

1250
00:51:28,680 --> 00:51:32,080
Speaker 5: everything and she's all buddy buddy with his wife. Now, okay, okay,

1251
00:51:32,120 --> 00:51:35,040
Speaker 5: So before the baby was born, that's when the mom

1252
00:51:35,120 --> 00:51:38,040
Speaker 5: was like, nah, this evil woman took mindset away. And

1253
00:51:38,040 --> 00:51:39,279
Speaker 5: then she saw the baby and she was like.

1254
00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:44,759
Speaker 1: Oh, she says, O wed baby, new son, new son. Yay.

1255
00:51:44,920 --> 00:51:47,840
Speaker 5: I'm shocked that this woman has decided not to completely

1256
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:50,520
Speaker 5: cut my mom out of the baby's life altogether. But

1257
00:51:50,760 --> 00:51:53,520
Speaker 5: perhaps she's a bigger person than all of us, and

1258
00:51:53,600 --> 00:51:56,640
Speaker 5: Opie says, my brother has a big heart and can't

1259
00:51:56,680 --> 00:51:59,480
Speaker 5: resist helping someone who he determines is in need. We

1260
00:51:59,520 --> 00:52:01,960
Speaker 5: worried about whether he was genuinely with her because he

1261
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:03,520
Speaker 5: was in love with her, or if he was with

1262
00:52:03,560 --> 00:52:06,239
Speaker 5: her because he felt bad about her situation and had

1263
00:52:06,320 --> 00:52:08,480
Speaker 5: convinced himself he was in love with her. This is

1264
00:52:08,480 --> 00:52:11,680
Speaker 5: how we sort of looked at the situation previously, not currently,

1265
00:52:11,800 --> 00:52:14,320
Speaker 5: and I wasn't comparing her to an animal. But honestly,

1266
00:52:14,400 --> 00:52:16,640
Speaker 5: animals are better than humans anyway. I didn't have to

1267
00:52:16,680 --> 00:52:19,480
Speaker 5: come back here and admit to anything. Nobody is forcing

1268
00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:22,520
Speaker 5: me to admit it. I've received several messages asking me

1269
00:52:22,560 --> 00:52:25,400
Speaker 5: for an update and finally decided to post one, admitting

1270
00:52:25,440 --> 00:52:27,759
Speaker 5: the truth as I see it now. I'm not comparing

1271
00:52:27,800 --> 00:52:29,880
Speaker 5: her to a stray animal. I was only trying to

1272
00:52:29,920 --> 00:52:32,640
Speaker 5: explain that my brother likes to rescue things and the

1273
00:52:32,800 --> 00:52:35,520
Speaker 5: entire situation was just odd to all of us at

1274
00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:38,439
Speaker 5: the time. OPI was just using a little allegory. That's

1275
00:52:38,480 --> 00:52:42,640
Speaker 5: all just a literary term English major. Those are thoughts

1276
00:52:42,680 --> 00:52:46,000
Speaker 5: I previously had, and I admitted I was previously the

1277
00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:48,520
Speaker 5: a hole. I don't really remember what I responded to

1278
00:52:48,560 --> 00:52:51,799
Speaker 5: most people, and honestly haven't gotten back to reread it

1279
00:52:51,840 --> 00:52:54,839
Speaker 5: because it's a bit too embarrassing. Now Editor's note, that's

1280
00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:56,759
Speaker 5: what I'm here for. It wasn't the fact that she

1281
00:52:56,840 --> 00:52:59,320
Speaker 5: was pregnant. It was the fact that until the wedding,

1282
00:52:59,360 --> 00:53:02,239
Speaker 5: nobody in our face family even knew she existed, let

1283
00:53:02,239 --> 00:53:04,840
Speaker 5: alone matter he was also pregnant with somebody else's baby.

1284
00:53:04,920 --> 00:53:06,880
Speaker 5: But like I've said, I admitted I was the ale

1285
00:53:07,040 --> 00:53:09,040
Speaker 5: and that is the end of the story.

1286
00:53:09,239 --> 00:53:12,799
Speaker 2: Wowe, howie, it feels like op did a lot of

1287
00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:15,160
Speaker 2: inner you know work.

1288
00:53:15,680 --> 00:53:17,600
Speaker 5: It seems like her relationship with her brother is pretty

1289
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:18,239
Speaker 5: strong right now.

1290
00:53:18,400 --> 00:53:20,200
Speaker 2: I think that's really all you could do given the

1291
00:53:20,239 --> 00:53:23,040
Speaker 2: context that we had, because it's like, uh, all the

1292
00:53:23,080 --> 00:53:24,360
Speaker 2: events had already happened.

1293
00:53:24,440 --> 00:53:26,719
Speaker 1: Now all you can do is like process it and yeah,

1294
00:53:26,719 --> 00:53:28,359
Speaker 1: how do I feel her healthy? Way?

1295
00:53:28,640 --> 00:53:29,040
Speaker 5: Mm hmm.

1296
00:53:29,400 --> 00:53:29,640
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1297
00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:31,879
Speaker 5: I honestly didn't think you were really the a hole

1298
00:53:32,160 --> 00:53:35,319
Speaker 5: in that first bath, but as I mean, like you,

1299
00:53:35,400 --> 00:53:37,440
Speaker 5: it seems that you had a lot of anger and

1300
00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:40,560
Speaker 5: stuff that you didn't like about yourself, and so it's

1301
00:53:40,600 --> 00:53:41,880
Speaker 5: you know, good that you process that.

1302
00:53:43,080 --> 00:53:45,040
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We get back to the stories.

1303
00:53:45,040 --> 00:53:47,160
Speaker 3: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1304
00:53:47,680 --> 00:53:51,719
Speaker 2: My father's partner lied to my children. I forced her

1305
00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:52,319
Speaker 2: to take it.

1306
00:53:52,320 --> 00:53:54,759
Speaker 5: Back to you that you can't see that no, take

1307
00:53:54,840 --> 00:53:55,720
Speaker 5: SE's back seas.

1308
00:53:55,880 --> 00:53:58,399
Speaker 2: I'll preface this by saying I don't have the best

1309
00:53:58,400 --> 00:54:01,000
Speaker 2: relationship with my father and his partner.

1310
00:54:01,040 --> 00:54:03,480
Speaker 1: Blair is a big part of the reason why.

1311
00:54:03,640 --> 00:54:07,719
Speaker 2: While I don't hate her, she's extremely obnoxious and childish.

1312
00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:11,000
Speaker 2: She's also horrible with boundaries. It feels like anytime someone

1313
00:54:11,040 --> 00:54:14,120
Speaker 2: tells her no, she hears. Maybe She's been like this

1314
00:54:14,200 --> 00:54:16,240
Speaker 2: for as long as I've known her, but it's become

1315
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:18,360
Speaker 2: harder to deal with since I had children, so I

1316
00:54:18,440 --> 00:54:19,760
Speaker 2: try to keep some distance.

1317
00:54:19,960 --> 00:54:20,160
Speaker 1: Now.

1318
00:54:20,280 --> 00:54:24,080
Speaker 2: This comes from user no Orlando twenty five, and if

1319
00:54:24,120 --> 00:54:25,440
Speaker 2: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

1320
00:54:25,560 --> 00:54:28,719
Speaker 2: r slash Okay storytime suburn. Anyway, Blair and my father

1321
00:54:28,800 --> 00:54:31,880
Speaker 2: are planning on going to Orlando in July. About a

1322
00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:35,040
Speaker 2: month ago, she asked whether me, my husband, and our kids,

1323
00:54:35,120 --> 00:54:37,480
Speaker 2: seven male and three female, wanted to join them. I

1324
00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:40,120
Speaker 2: thanked her for inviting us, but said no, because we're

1325
00:54:40,160 --> 00:54:42,480
Speaker 2: planning on going next January and there's a pretty big

1326
00:54:42,560 --> 00:54:44,719
Speaker 2: chance I'll have to work in July also, and I

1327
00:54:44,760 --> 00:54:45,680
Speaker 2: didn't say.

1328
00:54:45,440 --> 00:54:46,040
Speaker 1: This to her.

1329
00:54:46,440 --> 00:54:49,120
Speaker 2: We've been to Orlando with her before, and my husband

1330
00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:52,240
Speaker 2: had stated he'd rather eat glass than do it again.

1331
00:54:52,360 --> 00:54:54,919
Speaker 2: A week later, Blair told me they were getting near

1332
00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:57,520
Speaker 2: tickets and asked me whether I was sure I wouldn't

1333
00:54:57,560 --> 00:54:59,719
Speaker 2: join them. I said I was. Days after that, my

1334
00:54:59,760 --> 00:55:02,400
Speaker 2: cit called me. Blair had told her I was thinking

1335
00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:05,520
Speaker 2: about going while inviting her and her boyfriend. I once

1336
00:55:05,600 --> 00:55:09,920
Speaker 2: again told Blair we wouldn't be going. Finally, Blair asked

1337
00:55:09,960 --> 00:55:12,520
Speaker 2: me if i'd be okay with her and my father

1338
00:55:12,680 --> 00:55:15,920
Speaker 2: taking my kids to Orlando. I said no, because we're

1339
00:55:15,960 --> 00:55:18,840
Speaker 2: not even in the same hemisphere as the United States,

1340
00:55:18,840 --> 00:55:21,080
Speaker 2: and I wouldn't let my young children travel to a

1341
00:55:21,080 --> 00:55:22,120
Speaker 2: different country.

1342
00:55:21,800 --> 00:55:23,400
Speaker 1: Without me or my husband.

1343
00:55:23,480 --> 00:55:25,640
Speaker 2: Last week, my sister baby sat my kids while my

1344
00:55:25,719 --> 00:55:28,160
Speaker 2: husband and I went out. While we were gone, Blair

1345
00:55:28,320 --> 00:55:30,800
Speaker 2: visited to drop off a gift she and my father

1346
00:55:30,920 --> 00:55:33,879
Speaker 2: had bought for my husband. She also took the opportunity

1347
00:55:33,960 --> 00:55:37,320
Speaker 2: to tell my children we were all going to Orlando

1348
00:55:37,480 --> 00:55:37,960
Speaker 2: in July.

1349
00:55:38,239 --> 00:55:40,680
Speaker 1: My daughter didn't care about it much at first.

1350
00:55:40,880 --> 00:55:43,600
Speaker 2: I don't think she really registered it, but my son

1351
00:55:43,719 --> 00:55:46,840
Speaker 2: got very excited right away. He kept talking about how

1352
00:55:46,920 --> 00:55:49,120
Speaker 2: much he wanted to go to Disney and asking about

1353
00:55:49,120 --> 00:55:51,799
Speaker 2: the trip, and after watching her big brother like that,

1354
00:55:51,960 --> 00:55:54,719
Speaker 2: my daughter jumped on the bandwagon with him. It was

1355
00:55:54,719 --> 00:55:58,040
Speaker 2: both heartbreaking and infuriating to watch them like that. I

1356
00:55:58,160 --> 00:56:01,600
Speaker 2: called Blair and said she had two options. Either she

1357
00:56:01,800 --> 00:56:05,000
Speaker 2: told my kids she'd lied and they weren't going to Orlando,

1358
00:56:05,200 --> 00:56:07,440
Speaker 2: or I did. I added that if she told them,

1359
00:56:07,560 --> 00:56:10,759
Speaker 2: she'd have the opportunity to apologize and explain herself, but

1360
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:12,920
Speaker 2: if I did, I would not be doing that for her.

1361
00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:14,920
Speaker 1: Blair chose to call my children herself.

1362
00:56:14,960 --> 00:56:17,040
Speaker 2: I kept the phone on speaker, thank God, to make

1363
00:56:17,080 --> 00:56:20,080
Speaker 2: sure she was apologizing, explaining everything, and making it clear

1364
00:56:20,239 --> 00:56:22,719
Speaker 2: we would not go to Orlando. In July, both of

1365
00:56:22,760 --> 00:56:26,360
Speaker 2: my children, especially my son, were upset, but my husband

1366
00:56:26,400 --> 00:56:28,360
Speaker 2: and I had a talk with them and managed to

1367
00:56:28,440 --> 00:56:31,000
Speaker 2: cheer them up. My father texted me yesterday. He said

1368
00:56:31,000 --> 00:56:33,279
Speaker 2: that he didn't appreciate the way I dealt with this.

1369
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:35,799
Speaker 2: Blair is still upset and thinks my kids are mad

1370
00:56:35,840 --> 00:56:40,000
Speaker 2: at her now. My father wants me to apologize to

1371
00:56:40,160 --> 00:56:42,920
Speaker 2: Blair or at least try to get my kids to

1372
00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:44,600
Speaker 2: forgive her, But I don't see why.

1373
00:56:44,640 --> 00:56:45,160
Speaker 1: I should.

1374
00:56:45,360 --> 00:56:47,920
Speaker 2: She was the one who lied to my children, and

1375
00:56:48,120 --> 00:56:51,200
Speaker 2: I'm not responsible for Blair's feelings. We're still on this

1376
00:56:51,280 --> 00:56:53,440
Speaker 2: back and forth and I can tell neither of us

1377
00:56:53,560 --> 00:56:55,120
Speaker 2: is particularly proud about this.

1378
00:56:55,280 --> 00:56:56,600
Speaker 1: Am I the a hole?

1379
00:56:56,800 --> 00:57:01,319
Speaker 5: No? No, no, no, your fall that hurt your kids? Like,

1380
00:57:01,440 --> 00:57:03,160
Speaker 5: it's not like you went to your kids and said

1381
00:57:03,160 --> 00:57:06,359
Speaker 5: be mad at Blair, right just she lied to them

1382
00:57:06,520 --> 00:57:08,520
Speaker 5: and then told them the truth and then they were

1383
00:57:08,640 --> 00:57:09,440
Speaker 5: rightfully mad.

1384
00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:09,839
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1385
00:57:09,960 --> 00:57:10,040
Speaker 2: Po.

1386
00:57:10,239 --> 00:57:12,239
Speaker 5: And also even if you went to your kids and

1387
00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:14,880
Speaker 5: were like, don't be mad at Blair, the kids are

1388
00:57:14,880 --> 00:57:16,480
Speaker 5: gonna be like, wow, you're right mom.

1389
00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:19,680
Speaker 2: Wow. I will do exactly as I am told because

1390
00:57:19,720 --> 00:57:21,760
Speaker 2: I am a kid, and that is what I do.

1391
00:57:21,960 --> 00:57:24,400
Speaker 5: There are things that like my family members did like

1392
00:57:24,840 --> 00:57:25,560
Speaker 5: years ago, and.

1393
00:57:25,480 --> 00:57:27,640
Speaker 2: I'm like, dude, like this is the kind of thing

1394
00:57:27,720 --> 00:57:29,520
Speaker 2: that And that's why I was so like, Blair needs

1395
00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:30,680
Speaker 2: to be the one to say this, because this is

1396
00:57:30,720 --> 00:57:32,680
Speaker 2: the kind of thing that people will hold grudges on for.

1397
00:57:32,680 --> 00:57:35,040
Speaker 5: Like whatever, They're gonna remember that and then you think, oh,

1398
00:57:35,080 --> 00:57:39,120
Speaker 5: they're just kids. No, I remember someone since Santa comment

1399
00:57:39,280 --> 00:57:41,800
Speaker 5: at Easter from when I was like nine years old.

1400
00:57:41,840 --> 00:57:42,600
Speaker 5: I will not forget that.

1401
00:57:42,840 --> 00:57:45,680
Speaker 2: Never forget that not the ahle Well, she did lie

1402
00:57:45,720 --> 00:57:48,560
Speaker 2: to your kids after repeatedly being told you were not

1403
00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:52,200
Speaker 2: going to go comment. I would seriously consider a no

1404
00:57:52,360 --> 00:57:56,040
Speaker 2: contact period until Blair learns that lying has consequences. Oh

1405
00:57:56,120 --> 00:57:59,760
Speaker 2: P replies, I've considered going low contact with Blair for

1406
00:57:59,760 --> 00:58:02,240
Speaker 2: a while, while not due to the lying. This was

1407
00:58:02,240 --> 00:58:04,320
Speaker 2: the first time she lied to my kids, but because

1408
00:58:04,320 --> 00:58:07,520
Speaker 2: dealing with her genuinely feels like dealing with a child.

1409
00:58:07,680 --> 00:58:10,760
Speaker 2: Comment not the a hole she is the living example of.

1410
00:58:11,120 --> 00:58:13,520
Speaker 2: I intentionally screwed up, and I'm upset and hurt because

1411
00:58:13,560 --> 00:58:15,439
Speaker 2: I don't want to take responsibility for my own action.

1412
00:58:15,520 --> 00:58:17,600
Speaker 2: I just want to blame everyone else, oh he responds.

1413
00:58:17,640 --> 00:58:20,120
Speaker 2: As much as I generally have no issue with my

1414
00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:23,160
Speaker 2: father's relationship with Blair, a big problem I do have

1415
00:58:23,480 --> 00:58:25,320
Speaker 2: with it is that I feel like I'm the only

1416
00:58:25,360 --> 00:58:27,920
Speaker 2: person who says no to her. Whenever my father does

1417
00:58:27,960 --> 00:58:31,600
Speaker 2: say no, which already doesn't happen, often she ignores him.

1418
00:58:31,640 --> 00:58:35,040
Speaker 2: She's used to doing what she wants without anyone stopping

1419
00:58:35,080 --> 00:58:36,200
Speaker 2: her most of that time.

1420
00:58:36,320 --> 00:58:38,720
Speaker 1: I don't care. It doesn't really affect me that much.

1421
00:58:38,760 --> 00:58:40,920
Speaker 2: I do not tolerate this when it comes to matters

1422
00:58:40,920 --> 00:58:43,720
Speaker 2: related to my children, and I've made that very clear

1423
00:58:43,720 --> 00:58:46,240
Speaker 2: in the past. I think that's why I didn't expect

1424
00:58:46,240 --> 00:58:48,440
Speaker 2: her to lie to them. And we have an update

1425
00:58:48,560 --> 00:58:50,840
Speaker 2: from eight days in the future. I want to start

1426
00:58:50,880 --> 00:58:53,160
Speaker 2: off by saying my kids are both doing well. My

1427
00:58:53,240 --> 00:58:56,040
Speaker 2: daughter's birthday is coming up, which she's very excited about.

1428
00:58:56,080 --> 00:58:58,040
Speaker 2: My son is also doing better, but he's still a

1429
00:58:58,080 --> 00:59:00,720
Speaker 2: little upset. A few days after my first post, I

1430
00:59:00,800 --> 00:59:03,120
Speaker 2: was tucking him in when he asked me why Blair

1431
00:59:03,160 --> 00:59:05,600
Speaker 2: had been mean to them. There was no way to

1432
00:59:05,640 --> 00:59:08,080
Speaker 2: answer that question that felt fair to my children. She

1433
00:59:08,200 --> 00:59:10,320
Speaker 2: lied to them because she wanted to. She did what

1434
00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:12,680
Speaker 2: she did to manipulate us. I don't know whether she

1435
00:59:12,840 --> 00:59:14,920
Speaker 2: expected me and my husband to put our careers in

1436
00:59:14,960 --> 00:59:18,120
Speaker 2: sanities on hold to join them in July, or just

1437
00:59:18,240 --> 00:59:21,720
Speaker 2: let her take our children to effing Florida without their parents.

1438
00:59:21,840 --> 00:59:24,480
Speaker 1: Either way, it's not happening. We weren't sure how to

1439
00:59:24,520 --> 00:59:25,000
Speaker 1: deal with this.

1440
00:59:25,160 --> 00:59:28,320
Speaker 2: Going low contact felt too much like a maybe, which

1441
00:59:28,360 --> 00:59:31,640
Speaker 2: I already know means yes in Blair, but cutting ties

1442
00:59:31,720 --> 00:59:34,120
Speaker 2: felt like too much. In the end, we decided on

1443
00:59:34,160 --> 00:59:36,920
Speaker 2: a time out period. She won't have any type of

1444
00:59:36,960 --> 00:59:40,880
Speaker 2: contact with the kids until the holidays. We'll extend that

1445
00:59:41,040 --> 00:59:44,600
Speaker 2: period if necessary. I told both her and my father

1446
00:59:44,680 --> 00:59:45,080
Speaker 2: about this.

1447
00:59:45,200 --> 00:59:45,880
Speaker 1: Over the weekend.

1448
00:59:46,040 --> 00:59:48,800
Speaker 2: She cried, and my father and I fought again. It

1449
00:59:48,920 --> 00:59:51,320
Speaker 2: wasn't really anything remarkable about what was said.

1450
00:59:51,320 --> 00:59:51,800
Speaker 1: At first.

1451
00:59:51,840 --> 00:59:53,680
Speaker 2: It just felt the same as other fights we've had

1452
00:59:53,720 --> 00:59:55,680
Speaker 2: in the past, so I didn't register much. But he

1453
00:59:55,760 --> 00:59:58,720
Speaker 2: then started comparing Blair to my children. One of the

1454
00:59:58,720 --> 01:00:01,080
Speaker 2: things he said was when kid are excited about something,

1455
01:00:01,120 --> 01:00:04,000
Speaker 2: it's fine, but when Blair is, you have to rain

1456
01:00:04,080 --> 01:00:06,120
Speaker 2: on it. I don't understand why he's saying this, though,

1457
01:00:06,160 --> 01:00:09,360
Speaker 2: because he's a weird who's raining on Blair's parade. Blair's

1458
01:00:09,400 --> 01:00:11,880
Speaker 2: just being like, ah, I'm mad.

1459
01:00:11,680 --> 01:00:14,160
Speaker 1: That people are upset that I tied to them.

1460
01:00:14,200 --> 01:00:16,960
Speaker 5: Well, I think that he is now kind of saying,

1461
01:00:17,160 --> 01:00:19,400
Speaker 5: you should have just gone to Disney. That's all Blair

1462
01:00:19,440 --> 01:00:21,360
Speaker 5: wanted to do. She just wanted to go to Disney.

1463
01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:23,920
Speaker 1: That's just crazy, which is still pretty crazy to be like,

1464
01:00:23,960 --> 01:00:25,520
Speaker 1: hope he can't afford that we think about it.

1465
01:00:25,560 --> 01:00:30,880
Speaker 2: You're hurting children. Oh my god, children ye for Disney.

1466
01:00:30,960 --> 01:00:33,919
Speaker 2: That comparison is what really pissed me off. I told

1467
01:00:34,000 --> 01:00:36,760
Speaker 2: him Blair is not a child. If he wants to

1468
01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:38,840
Speaker 2: treat her like one that's on them. But he can't

1469
01:00:38,840 --> 01:00:42,360
Speaker 2: expect me to parent a forty something year old woman

1470
01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:46,160
Speaker 2: can't understand the word no when it's said to her.

1471
01:00:46,320 --> 01:00:50,160
Speaker 5: So he married a younger woman somewhat. How old is he, Well,

1472
01:00:50,160 --> 01:00:52,520
Speaker 5: he's I mean, oh, he's got to at least be

1473
01:00:52,640 --> 01:00:53,640
Speaker 5: somewhere in the thirties.

1474
01:00:53,760 --> 01:00:56,520
Speaker 2: I did have another conversation with my father the next day,

1475
01:00:56,560 --> 01:00:58,880
Speaker 2: and it was more peaceful. He apologized for most of

1476
01:00:58,880 --> 01:01:00,560
Speaker 2: what he said, but a lot of if it sounded

1477
01:01:00,560 --> 01:01:01,360
Speaker 2: like damage control.

1478
01:01:01,360 --> 01:01:02,600
Speaker 1: I told him we needed some space.

1479
01:01:02,840 --> 01:01:05,600
Speaker 2: We're not cutting ties, but we'll probably have less contact

1480
01:01:05,600 --> 01:01:07,560
Speaker 2: for a while. And by the way, you never need

1481
01:01:07,600 --> 01:01:10,040
Speaker 2: to have less contact with us when you can listen

1482
01:01:10,440 --> 01:01:13,120
Speaker 2: to full episodes of stories just like this so true

1483
01:01:13,160 --> 01:01:18,280
Speaker 2: whenever you want on Spotify, on iHeartRadio, on Apple podcasts,

1484
01:01:18,360 --> 01:01:22,120
Speaker 2: wherever you listen to podcasts, just search, okay, storytime, search

1485
01:01:22,160 --> 01:01:22,520
Speaker 2: it up. Well.

1486
01:01:22,520 --> 01:01:24,800
Speaker 1: He needs internet connection in a device.

1487
01:01:24,520 --> 01:01:26,360
Speaker 5: And if you don't have that, go to a library.

1488
01:01:26,400 --> 01:01:29,680
Speaker 2: In retrospect, I think I wrote the original post because

1489
01:01:29,800 --> 01:01:32,320
Speaker 2: I couldn't understand where Blair was coming from.

1490
01:01:32,360 --> 01:01:34,040
Speaker 1: Now I realize I don't have to.

1491
01:01:34,200 --> 01:01:36,919
Speaker 2: I've been tolerating Blair's behavior for years, but I can't

1492
01:01:36,960 --> 01:01:39,040
Speaker 2: allow my kids to be affected by it again. I

1493
01:01:39,040 --> 01:01:42,000
Speaker 2: think I explained to my family mostly well in the

1494
01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:44,560
Speaker 2: comments last time, but feel free to ask me whatever

1495
01:01:44,600 --> 01:01:47,120
Speaker 2: you want to know. Thank you for your reassurance. And

1496
01:01:47,160 --> 01:01:50,120
Speaker 2: there's a top comment. Good job putting up boundaries and

1497
01:01:50,440 --> 01:01:53,760
Speaker 2: enforcing them, hope, he replies. Wouldn't be surprised if we

1498
01:01:53,880 --> 01:01:56,720
Speaker 2: ended up not seeing Blair until after our trip next year,

1499
01:01:56,800 --> 01:01:58,720
Speaker 2: and that is the end of that.

1500
01:02:00,320 --> 01:02:02,600
Speaker 5: I am. I'm hoping you won't see her. I'm wishing you.

1501
01:02:02,720 --> 01:02:03,600
Speaker 5: I'm wishing you that.

1502
01:02:03,880 --> 01:02:06,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, make good good juju. I hope that that you

1503
01:02:06,560 --> 01:02:08,560
Speaker 1: don't find that footage that stays lost.