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Speaker 1: I was unclam am I supposed to do this nude

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Speaker 1: or no, take your shirt off? Yeah, I'm good car. Hey, y'all,

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Speaker 1: don't go anywhere. We got a hot take edition of

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Speaker 1: Naked with Jamal Hill right after these messages. In the

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Speaker 1: world of vulnerable, considerable come and remote a vail from

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Speaker 1: entertainment elite. It's the difference between what it's real and

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Speaker 1: with the public seat. So here's your favorite celebrities behind

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Speaker 1: the scenes. It's refreshing up then the whole story specific

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Speaker 1: life all to rendevents to shape the person that you hear.

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Speaker 1: We gotta champion and carry champion. They did it. It's

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Speaker 1: the greatest in sports and entertainment connected with Hey, everybody,

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Speaker 1: welcome to a another special edition of Naked. And I'll

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Speaker 1: make it sound very special all the time. Right, But

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Speaker 1: I do want to thank you guys for hanging in

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Speaker 1: there and really giving me a great response to last

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Speaker 1: week's podcast with Busy Phillips. We had so much um

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Speaker 1: we had we had really good feedback, and even if

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Speaker 1: we had bad feedback, I love the feedback and and

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Speaker 1: I appreciate it that you allowed us to be naked

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Speaker 1: and have nuance because many people could have listened and

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Speaker 1: thought Carrie is anti white, she doesn't like white people,

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Speaker 1: which is ridiculous. Um, But you understood that there was

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Speaker 1: a sisterhood between Busy Phillips and I and and and

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Speaker 1: a true and a true love for her boldness and

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Speaker 1: her nakedness. Chase Louis, she went, I mean, she went

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Speaker 1: all the way there. You're talking about trauma, abortion, rape,

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Speaker 1: teenage pregnancy so much and I and I'm grateful that

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Speaker 1: she was able to do that with me, and she

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Speaker 1: trusted me with her story. So let me let me

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Speaker 1: focus on a key word that I just mentioned. The

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Speaker 1: key word is trauma. UM and sisterhood. Those two things

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Speaker 1: I think in this particular podcasts are relevant. My good friend,

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Speaker 1: if not one of my closest friends, Jamal Hill, joins

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Speaker 1: us this week. And if you think we was anti

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Speaker 1: white last week, you are get ready buckle up kidding.

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Speaker 1: But I want you and what has always been the biggest,

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Speaker 1: honestly the biggest rub for black people as we talk

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Speaker 1: about social justice is where is the humanity? Where do

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Speaker 1: you see us? How do you see us? And I

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Speaker 1: want you to picture a little girl reading a newspaper,

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Speaker 1: in particular the sports column while her mother is cleaning homes.

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about Jamal Hill. Her mother was a cleaning lady,

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Speaker 1: and Jamal says she fell in love with sports when

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Speaker 1: she would go to work with her mom and her

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Speaker 1: mother would read would be working, and Jamal would have

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Speaker 1: a newspaper, the newspaper who of Whomever's home her mother

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Speaker 1: was cleaning, and she just flipped the sports section and

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Speaker 1: start reading. There in lies are budding journalist named Jamal Hill.

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Speaker 1: That's where she really found her love of the game,

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Speaker 1: the love of writing about the game more specifically, and

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Speaker 1: then later on in life. Here she is, I believe

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Speaker 1: one of the most premier sports journalists we have UM

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Speaker 1: and she was given a column early on in her career.

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Speaker 1: And when you're given a column as a journalist, you

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Speaker 1: are forced to have an opinion. You are required to

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Speaker 1: have an opinion, and you've better be good at giving

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Speaker 1: your opinion. And she's been doing it for years. Unlike

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Speaker 1: any other one of the few that I consider really sharp,

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Speaker 1: whether you agree or disagree, her points are always well

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Speaker 1: argued and thought out. So with that being said, uh,

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Speaker 1: I know that she grew up dealing with so much

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Speaker 1: as we all do. UM In particular, you know the

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Speaker 1: latch key kid. We both have in common a lot

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Speaker 1: of things in the sense of our parents both worked.

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Speaker 1: We come from single parent homes. During the summer. There

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Speaker 1: was no real summer vacation. I wasn't packing up and

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Speaker 1: going on a trip. I was packing up my backpack

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Speaker 1: to sitting under my mother's desk because no one was

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Speaker 1: able to watch me. And she was watching me while

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Speaker 1: she was working, and she would have to hide me

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Speaker 1: and I'd be under her desk, or I'd be in

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Speaker 1: the backup, back office, backpack, back office. Be quiet, mind

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Speaker 1: your business, don't do nothing. Answer the phone. I'm going

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Speaker 1: to the bathroom. Literally, that was just what it was.

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Speaker 1: And I think if you're listening to this conversation this podcast,

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Speaker 1: I want you to see one little girl sitting at

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Speaker 1: a kitchen table reading a newspaper while her mother worked,

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Speaker 1: and another little girl hiding under her mother's desk while

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Speaker 1: her mother sold furniture. Uh. That is who we are

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Speaker 1: right now in this moment, two little girls. Is Keikian

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Speaker 1: having a conversation, and we're asking you to see the humanity.

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Speaker 1: I'm asking you she isn't. I'm asking you to see

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Speaker 1: the humanity in us, because this conversation is going to

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Speaker 1: take you a few different places. We're gonna talk about relationships, UM,

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Speaker 1: and how we deal with relationship his boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife,

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Speaker 1: you name it, interpersonal relationships, personal relationships, and if you

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Speaker 1: can see them through that lens, perhaps you'll understand us differently.

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Speaker 1: And if you can't see it through that lens and

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Speaker 1: you don't understand us, who cares kiss my ass? That's

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Speaker 1: a geminiamy kiss my ass. However, the first part, because

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Speaker 1: we're gonna break it up in parts for you, it's

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Speaker 1: about relationships. It's very funny. There's a lot of inside jokes.

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Speaker 1: Those of you who are listening, who have followed us

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Speaker 1: for years, you'll be right there. You'll get it. You'll laugh,

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Speaker 1: you'll think it's funny. I might be telling too much

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Speaker 1: of my business, but that's okay. And the second half,

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Speaker 1: quite frankly, UM, is about social justice, all the isms,

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Speaker 1: all the things that we talk about very freely and

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Speaker 1: very honestly, and we're being very clear about who we

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Speaker 1: are talking about. And if you thought last week was

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Speaker 1: super uncomfortable when we talked about why folks buckle up,

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Speaker 1: buggle up, buggle up, and we're not talking about all

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Speaker 1: white folks. So don't at me, even though I know

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Speaker 1: you will, But just try to enjoy us. Two girlfriends

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Speaker 1: catching up, sharing their life story, trying to heal from

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Speaker 1: all the trauma that we've dealt with growing up. And that,

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Speaker 1: in turn is how we've been able to see the

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Speaker 1: world our lens, what we look at, how we view things,

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Speaker 1: how we how we digest information has a lot to

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Speaker 1: do with how we grew up those two little girls

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Speaker 1: I'm telling you about. So I hope you enjoy it,

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Speaker 1: which I which I do believe you will. Um, sit back, relax,

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Speaker 1: keep key with us, grab some wine, or finish your workout,

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Speaker 1: or keep driving in traffic, whatever it is that you're doing,

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Speaker 1: and tell us what you think. My close friend Jamal

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Speaker 1: Hill is naked. How important is because I feel like,

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Speaker 1: as your friend and someone who's known you for a

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Speaker 1: long time, I feel like you you act as if

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Speaker 1: nothing bothers you. How true is that about you? Uh?

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Speaker 1: It's mostly true, but I think it depends on who

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Speaker 1: you are in my life. I mean it's so funny

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Speaker 1: because I just me and Ian just had this conversation

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Speaker 1: last night about how, um, you know, marriage makes you

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Speaker 1: very vulnerable in ways that are wildly uncomfortable for me. Uh,

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Speaker 1: and you fart in front of Do you fart in

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Speaker 1: front of him? Like? Is that what you mean? No?

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Speaker 1: But according to him, I do so in my sleep

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Speaker 1: quite repeatedly. And I was like, I've never had that

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Speaker 1: problem before. I feel like he's making this up. But

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Speaker 1: he says that I apparently am quite gassy at night.

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Speaker 1: That's crazy because I dated a guy most recently who

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Speaker 1: said he liked he He let me know before we

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Speaker 1: took an that he was about to fart in his sleep. See,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know how this happens. But he

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Speaker 1: claims that I change your diet. You need to change

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Speaker 1: your diet. Why you eat eating? That's what it is. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I know your diet, and I'm pretty sure it's more

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Speaker 1: than kale. No, I have been believing or not carry

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Speaker 1: I've been quite good recently. I did go through ten

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Speaker 1: straight days of eating probably the worst food okay, a

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Speaker 1: single day. Yeah, I've been good. I've been good. I've

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Speaker 1: been good, and what's recently for you? The last five days? Okay?

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Speaker 1: But I too eat relatively cleanly relatively during the week.

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Speaker 1: It's like and then on the weekends, I'm like, I

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Speaker 1: need I need a Pope chicken sandwich. So okay, black girl, Okay.

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Speaker 1: So being married, you've been married for a year and

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Speaker 1: some change, and it makes you vulnerable and went way

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Speaker 1: outside of the fact that your husband has to tell

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Speaker 1: you you sleep you far at night. And the way

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Speaker 1: it makes me vulnerable is because you know, I've never

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Speaker 1: had to I've never needed a person before ever. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, that's not what. No, I've never needed

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Speaker 1: something like my mom. I mean like needed somebody. Na,

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Speaker 1: I ain't never needed nobody. Okay, therapy one on one.

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Speaker 1: You are crazy? What my guys, everybody needs someone and

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Speaker 1: for you to be like outside of my mom, I mean,

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Speaker 1: I guess damn good. So you came out of the

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Speaker 1: out of your mother's vagina not needing anyone. No, I

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Speaker 1: mean the way my life is does that's so weird.

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Speaker 1: It makes me feel weird because like, I don't think

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Speaker 1: that's odd because need is a totally different thing. One

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Speaker 1: is one thing, need is another, all right, So I'm

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Speaker 1: making the distinction. Need. Need is a is a survival.

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Speaker 1: You need connection, you need intimate see, you need, you

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Speaker 1: need um relationships you need balance. You can't do all

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Speaker 1: of that yourself black woman, superwoman prior to be prior

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Speaker 1: to being married, so you just not here on your

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Speaker 1: own just figuring it all out and being perfectly No. No,

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Speaker 1: I need balance in my life, for sure. But that's

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Speaker 1: a relatively recent conclusion, honest, Like, this is not something

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Speaker 1: I've always thought. Uh. Yeah, I mean I I need

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Speaker 1: my friendships. I felt like we're very strong and healthy,

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Speaker 1: and you know, I need people like that in my life.

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Speaker 1: But I can't say that I've needed a lot of people, right,

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Speaker 1: So I'll just say that. I won't say nobody. I'll

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Speaker 1: say I have not needed a lot of people. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So I see your you've expanded the definition. I should

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Speaker 1: be very specific. I have never needed a man. Never

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Speaker 1: let me specific needed a man, needed one? No, I

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Speaker 1: ain't never needed one. How do you take care of

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Speaker 1: your needs prior to being married if you didn't need

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Speaker 1: a man? But see, that's not a need, that's a want.

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Speaker 1: So you gotta know the difference. Carry that's not the

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Speaker 1: same second you're telling me sex is a want not

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Speaker 1: a need. Yeah, I mean I may have wanted sex.

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Speaker 1: Did I need sex? No? I I disagree I believe

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Speaker 1: people need sex. By people, you mean you, who is

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Speaker 1: people carry It's like, I think that might be you. Okay,

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Speaker 1: And I look, I don't want people to get the

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Speaker 1: the to draw a false conclusion. I'm not saying I

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Speaker 1: didn't like sex, if not love it. I'm not saying that.

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Speaker 1: What I'm saying is like need to me is something

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Speaker 1: you can't live without. All right, So you could have

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Speaker 1: lived without sex prior to me getting married. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: mean I wouldn't have liked it. I'm not saying it

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Speaker 1: would have made me happy, but no, no, but you

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Speaker 1: could have lived without it because it wasn't a need.

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Speaker 1: It's what you're saying, because that's what you're saying. I

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Speaker 1: just want to make sure I'm being very clear. Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean I'm saying that it was it was a

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Speaker 1: it was a want. So I say all this to

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Speaker 1: say is that the thing about at least my marriage

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Speaker 1: is that it has made me vulnerable in ways that

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Speaker 1: are wildly uncomfortable to the way I am used to

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Speaker 1: living my life. And so my husband is the first

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Speaker 1: man I felt like I needed. And that is scary

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Speaker 1: and terrifying because we were just talking about it. Um,

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Speaker 1: this was. This was based on a conversation he had

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Speaker 1: with a friend who had whose wife was going through

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Speaker 1: some health challenges and he was just saying, like, Wow,

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Speaker 1: you know the thing about marriages, like you never know

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Speaker 1: what's around the corner, Like somebody could be sick, somebody

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Speaker 1: could something could happen, and it's kind of terrifying, but

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Speaker 1: it's also kind of exhilarating at the same time, because

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Speaker 1: you know you have somebody that has your back, you

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Speaker 1: know they're gonna be down and all this other stuff.

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Speaker 1: But at the same time, this person has become so

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Speaker 1: woven into who you are in your life that picturing

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Speaker 1: life without them be like, oh, ship, that is just

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Speaker 1: a lot to think about. So anyway, I just told him, um,

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Speaker 1: just last night that I just that that part was

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Speaker 1: hard for me to deal with in our relationship. Is

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Speaker 1: starting to feel like I needed him because that's not

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Speaker 1: you know, when you're a black woman out here used

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Speaker 1: to providing for yourself, doing for yourself, Like I mean,

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Speaker 1: I haven't had to ask anybody for ship for a

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Speaker 1: long time, right, So you asked him for because you

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Speaker 1: still don't necessarily to ask him for the material things. No,

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Speaker 1: do you ask him for No, I mean the things

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Speaker 1: that I didn't realize I needed, you know, the level

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Speaker 1: of emotional support and understanding, um, forgiveness, sometimes grace you're

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Speaker 1: never guessing. Yeah, I mean a plan. Sucker up, that's

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Speaker 1: what What do you mean? What do you mean? I'm

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Speaker 1: going when I when I get closer to the microphone,

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Speaker 1: that means I'm going deeper. And I need to understand.

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Speaker 1: What do you mean? I know how you do a

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Speaker 1: black guy. I know I've seen too many of your

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Speaker 1: interviews and listen to too many of them. Understand how

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Speaker 1: you operate. So you're trying to get me, Cary, I see.

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Speaker 1: I know it's called, you know, getting naked and all

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Speaker 1: that getting naked, but taking off the emotional clothes you

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Speaker 1: are a fool. No, But what what I say is

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Speaker 1: that there's a lot of emotional support that I needed

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Speaker 1: in ways I would not have guests. So that's why, Uh,

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Speaker 1: this is a new thing for me. This is interesting.

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Speaker 1: I love it. Are we getting naked enough? Yeah? Because

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Speaker 1: you know why it's still uncomfortable for you to even

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Speaker 1: talked about, because you know my way of background. I

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Speaker 1: feel like you like to suffer in silence and so

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Speaker 1: and for me, that means you don't really want to

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Speaker 1: share until it's all said and done. You're one of

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Speaker 1: my rare friends that is going through a crisis, and

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Speaker 1: then when it's over, you're like, so, just so you know,

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Speaker 1: I evaded the police and a twenty year jail sentence.

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Speaker 1: But that's what I was going through last week. I

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Speaker 1: will tell you I got hit by the car. After

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Speaker 1: I've like fully recovered, i'd be like, like, yes, I

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Speaker 1: thought I was going to Yeah, I thought I was

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Speaker 1: a paralyzed. In fact, I was. There was there was

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Speaker 1: some type there was mild paralyzation. I made up that word.

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Speaker 1: I'm not I'm back. Um, so that's interesting. Here's what

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Speaker 1: I think is interesting. What I've noticed as you've changed. Um,

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Speaker 1: and it's not even that you've changed. Do you remember

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Speaker 1: one time you and I had a conversation and this

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Speaker 1: is us talking about our emotional needs and being intimate.

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Speaker 1: I remember one time we had a friend and I

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Speaker 1: went to her house to have dinner, and I remember

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Speaker 1: telling you she worked with us at ESP and I

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Speaker 1: was like, she's act so different about her husband. She's

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Speaker 1: just so tough when he ain't around, and when he's there,

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Speaker 1: she's like whatever, you say, honey, of course, of course,

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Speaker 1: and you're like, well why not. Now? For me, that

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Speaker 1: was just that was interesting to see. I didn't understand it. Um.

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Speaker 1: I had been in a relationship since I was twelve,

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Speaker 1: and I didn't understand it. And the person accepted me

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Speaker 1: for all that I was, with all my my rudeness

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Speaker 1: and all my toughness. But there is a level of

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Speaker 1: respect that you need to give a man, especially a

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Speaker 1: black man, especially in front of your friends, in order

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Speaker 1: for him made in general, but I'm talking about black

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Speaker 1: men specifically, in order for him to feel valued and honored.

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Speaker 1: And I didn't know that until I was like today

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Speaker 1: years old or this month years old, you know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. And I was like, why she acting different?

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Speaker 1: And I would say that about my friend. I believe

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Speaker 1: not that you act different, but you give your made

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Speaker 1: a level of respect that I'm not familiar with. Seeing

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Speaker 1: between I'm like, so, I was like, that's interesting. No,

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Speaker 1: I digested. I don't receive it as oh, you simping,

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Speaker 1: or you're doing something that you know you shouldn't be doing.

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Speaker 1: You're doing, you're meeting him, You're you're being you're compromising,

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Speaker 1: and that's what any kind of relationship should involved as

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Speaker 1: you do with all of your friendships, by the way,

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Speaker 1: not you do that with all of your friendships, right. UM,

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Speaker 1: I don't think it doesn't feel like a compromise because

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Speaker 1: that implies that I'm giving something up. Um. I think

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Speaker 1: what is probably what you're saying is something you didn't

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Speaker 1: get a chance to see because when we met, I

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Speaker 1: was out here single and ready to mango. When you

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Speaker 1: met me, yes, I was a girl. That is shocking.

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Speaker 1: Oh were you dating? M I mean, if that's what

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Speaker 1: we want to call it, sure, that's what I was doing.

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Speaker 1: The point, it's just jokes people, the whole point I'm

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Speaker 1: trying not to give. I'm trying. I'm trying to be

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Speaker 1: able to come back to the house. I don't want

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Speaker 1: any get meda And let's hope he don't listen to this. Um. Yes,

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00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:14,560
Speaker 1: you you were dating, so you um. And I was

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Speaker 1: coming out of a relationship that I was in for

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Speaker 1: a long time. Um that ended in a dramatic fashion,

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Speaker 1: as they all kind of sometimes tend to do, And

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Speaker 1: so I was cleansing myself from that experience, and so

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Speaker 1: when you met me, I was transitioning kind of back

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Speaker 1: to my old ways. You will have the tables turned.

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Speaker 1: When you met me, I was in a relationship. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I and as you look away, I'm not looking away.

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Speaker 1: This is your story, this is your podcast that I'm

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Speaker 1: telling slowly but surely. Can't give it all out. And

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Speaker 1: and and then I we got out of a relationship,

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Speaker 1: and you got in a relationship, and I took over

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Speaker 1: your ways. Correct. I rubbed off on you. You rabbed

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Speaker 1: off on me. Yes, so um. So you never got

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Speaker 1: a chance to actually see me the relationship version of me.

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Speaker 1: And it's not that it's wildly different. It's just that

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Speaker 1: when I'm single and I'm having my fun, I'm living

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Speaker 1: it up because I never wanted to be this, the

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Speaker 1: type of person inside a relationship thinking about, oh what

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Speaker 1: if I had only all wonder what that's like. Well,

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Speaker 1: I never experienced that, Like, I never wanted to be

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Speaker 1: that person. So when I was single, I was single,

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Speaker 1: you know. And so you're right about that, You're absolutely

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Speaker 1: right about that. Kelly could speak to who you were

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Speaker 1: before I met you, and you were in a relationship

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Speaker 1: with Hawaii. So that was his name. Guys, we had

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00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,800
Speaker 1: we had state names for people, we had we wouldn't

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00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:56,680
Speaker 1: call anybody body in real name, just code names because

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00:19:56,720 --> 00:20:02,919
Speaker 1: it's code names, like is that white? Okay, So with

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00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:06,640
Speaker 1: that being said, you're correct, But there is this quality

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00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:08,639
Speaker 1: that where you just don't want none, you don't want

339
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:12,080
Speaker 1: to stress, you know what I'm saying. No, No, I

340
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,080
Speaker 1: mean I think I'd like to meet people where they

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00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:17,800
Speaker 1: are as opposed to me trying to change them or

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00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:21,680
Speaker 1: to make them into more being like me or being

343
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:25,280
Speaker 1: like whatever, because I think the uniqueness of the people

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Speaker 1: that I know and that I love and I care

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Speaker 1: about is who they are, so like, why would I

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00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,160
Speaker 1: try to change that? So if I'm meeting you where

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00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:36,040
Speaker 1: you are, then I'm assessing like, Okay, they need this

348
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,440
Speaker 1: from me or they need me to be this kind

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00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:42,120
Speaker 1: of friend to them because that amplifies who they are

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00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,720
Speaker 1: because I appreciate the beauty and that's not compromised to

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Speaker 1: you know, because I don't feel like I'm lessening myself.

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00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:50,719
Speaker 1: I'm not becoming a totally different person, Like they know

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Speaker 1: who I am and it's not I'm not any different

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00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,960
Speaker 1: around them and I am other people. Now. The only

355
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,080
Speaker 1: thing that may be different, depending on what kind of

356
00:20:59,119 --> 00:21:03,200
Speaker 1: relationship we have, is how often they choose to deal

357
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:06,080
Speaker 1: with you or whatnot. That might be that might be

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00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:09,800
Speaker 1: a little different, but no, I mean I like people

359
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:13,959
Speaker 1: being vibrant. I don't want to see I don't want

360
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,960
Speaker 1: to see people feeling like they have to be less there,

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Speaker 1: and especially Black women that I know, because we always

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00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:20,480
Speaker 1: get told that we have to be less there. So

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Speaker 1: and by the way, not enough. And for the record,

364
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,840
Speaker 1: you're not less than in front of your husband, you

365
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:30,320
Speaker 1: were like at party mode, you at ten, you exactly

366
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Speaker 1: where you be you're supposed to be by less, by less,

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Speaker 1: I mean, just aware, like and this is for any relationship,

368
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Speaker 1: Like if if if I get booed up again, you

369
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Speaker 1: can't come over and be like, remember at that time

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Speaker 1: when we went to Vegas in front of my in

371
00:21:45,119 --> 00:21:47,920
Speaker 1: front of my maid, I'd be like, no, I don't

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00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:51,080
Speaker 1: remember that. I don't remember that time. You do want

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Speaker 1: to be respectful though, Yeah, that's what it is. It's

374
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Speaker 1: the level. But that's why I was trying to say away,

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00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:59,320
Speaker 1: it's a level of respect that you show that people

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Speaker 1: who may not have seen you in a relationship before

377
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:03,760
Speaker 1: me be I'm familiar with, but you gotta be you

378
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:07,280
Speaker 1: gotta respect them. You have to give them their respect. Yeah,

379
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:09,639
Speaker 1: you know that better than I do. Yeah. I think

380
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:12,000
Speaker 1: it's mutual too, because it's not like when his friends

381
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,239
Speaker 1: come over they said around like mementum holes we met

382
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:17,320
Speaker 1: in Miami. Like no, that's not like that's not happening either.

383
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:21,600
Speaker 1: So yeah, I mean remember that time you try to

384
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:25,480
Speaker 1: hook me up with his friend. I don't know what

385
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:29,000
Speaker 1: you're talking about. Gary, I have no idea what you're

386
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:32,560
Speaker 1: talking about. That's that's what you did. Deal. I didn't

387
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:35,440
Speaker 1: try to do anything. There was tape. There was tape involved.

388
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:38,960
Speaker 1: You know what at this point I'm going to do

389
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:44,600
Speaker 1: because I don't. I know nothing. I am John Snow,

390
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:51,639
Speaker 1: I know nothing. Yeah, Jamal trifling, chill out here. I'm like,

391
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:56,080
Speaker 1: I'm not trifling, Jamal. Jamale usund happiness and she she

392
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:59,639
Speaker 1: put me in a corner with anybody, courage somebody in

393
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:07,000
Speaker 1: this conversation to jump off the cliff. Jamale put one there. Okay, family, No,

394
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,560
Speaker 1: but Jamal did lie about oh boy. Jamal was like, no,

395
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:13,239
Speaker 1: ain't cool. He got this going on. It's cool. I like,

396
00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:15,840
Speaker 1: I didn't, but that didn't mean jump off the cliff.

397
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:19,760
Speaker 1: Like I adn't tell you that that was you dog, you. You.

398
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:24,720
Speaker 1: I'm looking at you, you, looking at you all. You won't.

399
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:30,240
Speaker 1: I ain't taking the hill. No friends that had you

400
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 1: out here, they're living happy. They're living over in the hills,

401
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:35,960
Speaker 1: happy they have you out here in the streets. Man,

402
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:39,600
Speaker 1: the single streets is vicious. I mean, white, How do

403
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:42,679
Speaker 1: you think we're gonna entertain ourselves? Because I put my

404
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 1: jersey in the rafters, so all I can do is

405
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:49,879
Speaker 1: live vicariously through you. I'm like, go ahead, Grey, go ahead.

406
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:58,440
Speaker 1: You know. I feel like I'm not gonna share all

407
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,280
Speaker 1: of my stories, but I have some news. You do

408
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:11,080
Speaker 1: figure out a way to carefully protect identity, the identities,

409
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:15,760
Speaker 1: it's gonna be a book. It's like when you figure

410
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:19,400
Speaker 1: out that, then the people who your listeners are going

411
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:22,080
Speaker 1: to be in for a treat. And and and let's

412
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:24,920
Speaker 1: just be clear, it's not like I'm not here banging people.

413
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:28,479
Speaker 1: But I do have some really crazy stories of deity.

414
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:30,960
Speaker 1: Like I don't want I think I'm banging everybody, but

415
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:35,880
Speaker 1: we I digress. I want to talk about this. Let

416
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,720
Speaker 1: me know that even if you were Gary, my vagina,

417
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:42,000
Speaker 1: my vagina, you could do what you want with it,

418
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:44,359
Speaker 1: because but you remember that we went on a show

419
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,760
Speaker 1: before Jamal and I went on a show before and

420
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:49,800
Speaker 1: I was like, when you travel abroad, Carlos Watson asked this,

421
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:51,960
Speaker 1: if you travel abroad, how do you feel like you're received?

422
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:53,879
Speaker 1: I was like, I feel like, um the Queen of

423
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,600
Speaker 1: England and being sarcastic in the sense that the men

424
00:24:56,720 --> 00:25:02,200
Speaker 1: abroad really truly are very aggressive and complimentary and and

425
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:04,520
Speaker 1: and they think you're amazing. And you remember and you

426
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:12,879
Speaker 1: sent me and you sent me in our group tex Uh,

427
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,560
Speaker 1: I mean about me talking about how I said something

428
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:17,520
Speaker 1: about I have all kindboy friends when I travel abroad,

429
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 1: and you sent some really appropriate men. Do you remember

430
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:25,280
Speaker 1: that doesn't sound like just what it was. It was

431
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:28,080
Speaker 1: a group of black men looking with the attitude. You're like,

432
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:32,240
Speaker 1: because I knew what you said abroad that certain people

433
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:36,399
Speaker 1: would take this, uh and and try to figure out

434
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,720
Speaker 1: what you were really saying, you know, like a'll carry

435
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:44,359
Speaker 1: out here, Uh Datanie's white me? Girls? Yeah, they always

436
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:46,360
Speaker 1: want to do that to you. I don't understand why.

437
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,960
Speaker 1: It's actually as comments and you were like and and

438
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:51,480
Speaker 1: the women were like, ladies, get your passport these man

439
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:55,520
Speaker 1: because they were so rude. I was like, why y'all

440
00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:58,560
Speaker 1: always try to make it seem like carry out here

441
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:04,520
Speaker 1: living her monster's ball fans. But anyway, Yeah, if I

442
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:10,119
Speaker 1: was you alone, but I will tell you that I

443
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:12,320
Speaker 1: would be. I would. I would feel some type of

444
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:15,200
Speaker 1: way if I had to put Billy on my arm,

445
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:17,760
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? I would I would feel

446
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:21,560
Speaker 1: as radical as I am. Like, you know, I feel

447
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:23,760
Speaker 1: around maybe, but not even maybe that's a lie. I

448
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:30,720
Speaker 1: will feel round. I'm sorry, you're laughing too hard. Excuse you.

449
00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:35,280
Speaker 1: I'm walking around with a white guy. How dare you? However,

450
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:37,560
Speaker 1: I just feel like you've said this to me. You

451
00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:39,800
Speaker 1: don't think I would marry a white guy. Why is that?

452
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:44,040
Speaker 1: I said that because, um, you know, a lot of

453
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:47,919
Speaker 1: the candid conversations we've had. I imagine you're bringing some

454
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:51,240
Speaker 1: of them conversations home, and I'm like, it's only certain

455
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:54,399
Speaker 1: audiences that can hear those conversations, right or they have

456
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:57,679
Speaker 1: to be a certain type of thinker, a certain type

457
00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:00,800
Speaker 1: of person with a knowledge certain knowledge base to be

458
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:04,800
Speaker 1: able to accept that. And so because of that, that's

459
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:07,280
Speaker 1: why I said I I kind of could not see it,

460
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:11,679
Speaker 1: especially during the time where I know, um that in

461
00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:13,639
Speaker 1: this moment that we're in, in this world in this

462
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:16,199
Speaker 1: country is important to you, you know, to be in

463
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:18,680
Speaker 1: this fight. And so yeah, look, I'm not trying to

464
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:21,520
Speaker 1: say that there's a white man out there that couldn't

465
00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:23,400
Speaker 1: be in this fight with you. I mean, I'm sure

466
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:25,560
Speaker 1: that's possible, but I just think it's kind of hard

467
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:30,080
Speaker 1: to find unless he was adopted by black people from birth,

468
00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:32,120
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, unless he was an adopted

469
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:36,399
Speaker 1: from Because the conversation she's saying is that I dropped

470
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:38,719
Speaker 1: the in word. I always talk about beating somebody up.

471
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:41,160
Speaker 1: I'm ready to start the revolution. I want to televise

472
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,080
Speaker 1: that's what you're talking about. I'm out here. I'm out

473
00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:48,080
Speaker 1: here in these streets as well, and look, to be honest,

474
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:51,280
Speaker 1: you know, I think that part of it at least,

475
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:54,199
Speaker 1: and this is something that when I was dating that

476
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 1: I always thought about. Two. I don't want to have

477
00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:59,159
Speaker 1: to come home and have to explain. If I have

478
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:03,040
Speaker 1: to explain in my own house, then that to me

479
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:06,200
Speaker 1: is a level of exhaustion. I'm not trying to feel

480
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:09,040
Speaker 1: I already got to explain to the rest of the world.

481
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:11,800
Speaker 1: When you go to work, when you just out socialize

482
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 1: and you always have to explain to people. This is

483
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:16,120
Speaker 1: what that meant, meant if I got to come home

484
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:21,360
Speaker 1: and explain why the Derek Chauvin guilty verdict is significant significant,

485
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:24,440
Speaker 1: I'm not throwing that in my own house. Well don't

486
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:26,000
Speaker 1: you well, don't you guy. It's pretty basic, Like I

487
00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:27,720
Speaker 1: don't think any of us would get with somebody or

488
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:30,760
Speaker 1: marry someone that you'd have to explain that too, Like

489
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:34,480
Speaker 1: that's pretty basic. But explaination for me is we have

490
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:37,879
Speaker 1: the family picnic. He goes to get some potato salad

491
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:41,240
Speaker 1: and comes back and ask what are these? And it's hiplands,

492
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:43,760
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. That's explaining for me. You

493
00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, or you know, okay, that was

494
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:54,680
Speaker 1: not the scholarly that, but you are right, there are

495
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:59,120
Speaker 1: some cultural differences that happened, you know, be a potato salad,

496
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:02,120
Speaker 1: be a green being, Like you know what I'm saying.

497
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:05,280
Speaker 1: But that's honestly, at least you can expose that person

498
00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:10,080
Speaker 1: to those things, right, You can't change how they think. Really,

499
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:14,480
Speaker 1: It's like that's much harder what happens when in the past.

500
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:16,280
Speaker 1: I don't know if you ever have, and I don't

501
00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:17,600
Speaker 1: know if you even want to explain it. But what

502
00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 1: happens when you date a white guy in the past

503
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:22,920
Speaker 1: and he rubs your hair. Um that has actually never

504
00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:28,560
Speaker 1: happened to me, which one um having one rubbed my

505
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:36,440
Speaker 1: hair like I don't ever happened to me. Okay, Okay,

506
00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:39,160
Speaker 1: I digress because because I'm this this is why I

507
00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:42,440
Speaker 1: knew this would happened. But I wanted to talk about

508
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 1: black love with you, love in general black men, and

509
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 1: that's why we started off talking about you in your marriage.

510
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:50,680
Speaker 1: And it's been a beautiful thing to see, UM, and

511
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:52,959
Speaker 1: I love it. I love black love, I love the relationship.

512
00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:55,720
Speaker 1: I love to see the woman you are, UM, and

513
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 1: all sides of who we are as black woman because

514
00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:00,400
Speaker 1: for so for so long, people think we're so tough.

515
00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 1: And just like you said, you're like, I don't need

516
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:04,240
Speaker 1: a man to me. That's like the toughest lie we've

517
00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:06,880
Speaker 1: ever told ourselves. I do believe that's why we don't

518
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:08,760
Speaker 1: need a man to complete us or make us or

519
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:10,920
Speaker 1: be different. We don't need a partner to do any

520
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:13,800
Speaker 1: of those things, because that's where the contentness with self

521
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:16,920
Speaker 1: comes in. But we do need mates. I do believe

522
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:19,680
Speaker 1: God created mates for a reason, soul mates, helpmates, whatever

523
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:26,800
Speaker 1: you want to call them. How exhausting is it when

524
00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:30,400
Speaker 1: you're single? And while you may not think about it then,

525
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:35,360
Speaker 1: but when you were, was it exhausting? Um? I don't

526
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:38,240
Speaker 1: know if exhausting would be the right word for it,

527
00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:42,360
Speaker 1: because I was thinking about this one day when I

528
00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:46,120
Speaker 1: thought about the entire scope of my relationship history actually

529
00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:50,840
Speaker 1: spent the majority of it in relationships, and that that

530
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:54,320
Speaker 1: was actually a surprising revelation because it felt like I

531
00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 1: spent the majority of its single. But I was like, no,

532
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:59,160
Speaker 1: I actually spent it in a relationship. Now see what

533
00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:01,400
Speaker 1: I had to do it with. And this is where

534
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:05,560
Speaker 1: this conversation that we're having about need comes into play,

535
00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:09,520
Speaker 1: is that you know, I had a upbringing in which

536
00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 1: my mother had me at eighteen, so I got to

537
00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:15,000
Speaker 1: see her at points when she was single, and I

538
00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:18,440
Speaker 1: also got to see her in some very disastrous relationships.

539
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:22,800
Speaker 1: And I think because of the way she processed relationships

540
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:25,600
Speaker 1: and the things she told me that set me up

541
00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:30,080
Speaker 1: to how I began to process how I wanted my

542
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:34,200
Speaker 1: relationships to be. And my mother is somebody who never

543
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:38,720
Speaker 1: trusted men, and with good reason. She's the um, she's

544
00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:42,200
Speaker 1: a she's a rape survivor, Um, you know, she's been

545
00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:47,120
Speaker 1: victimized by multiple men, and so because of that, her

546
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:50,520
Speaker 1: entire dialogue with me when it came to me, it

547
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:54,680
Speaker 1: was don't trust them. And that was really the long

548
00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:56,520
Speaker 1: and short of it. A lot of conversations in between,

549
00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:58,960
Speaker 1: but that was the ultimate message. Even if you marry one,

550
00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:01,160
Speaker 1: don't trust them. And I'm like, well, what's the point

551
00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 1: of being married? Right? That kind of like if I

552
00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:06,120
Speaker 1: have to have my guard up literally all the time,

553
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:11,120
Speaker 1: that is the exhausting part. So once I became of

554
00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:14,000
Speaker 1: dating age and started to go through my own relationships,

555
00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:16,760
Speaker 1: I would only let men get so close. That's why

556
00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:19,640
Speaker 1: being single felt like a good default position for me,

557
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:22,120
Speaker 1: because even those that I was in a relationship with

558
00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:24,320
Speaker 1: sometimes long ones. I mean I was in a nine

559
00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:28,240
Speaker 1: year relationship and even that person was only able to

560
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:31,600
Speaker 1: get too close and we lived together. So this is

561
00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:37,040
Speaker 1: why I said that this, yeah, this relationship, this marriage

562
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:40,120
Speaker 1: that I'm in now is the first time I have

563
00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:45,720
Speaker 1: been completely vulnerable with another person. Wow. How scary is that?

564
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:50,920
Speaker 1: It's terrifying sometimes because um, and that's what I mean

565
00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:53,720
Speaker 1: about being you know sometimes how you're conditioned not to

566
00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:56,800
Speaker 1: need somebody. I mean, I know that I hear black

567
00:32:56,840 --> 00:32:58,400
Speaker 1: me and say that all the time about black women,

568
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 1: like y'all just don't think y'all need anybody. I think

569
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:03,160
Speaker 1: the way they want to be needed versus what we need,

570
00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:09,960
Speaker 1: that's where the what's the thin? Because I think, you know,

571
00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:12,840
Speaker 1: men have been taught that their love languages provision right,

572
00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:14,560
Speaker 1: and so as you know, there's a lot of black

573
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:18,160
Speaker 1: women out here with degrees, careers, jobs like we're out

574
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:20,560
Speaker 1: here providing for ourselves. We don't need you for that.

575
00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:23,600
Speaker 1: And I think because that's such a tangible and easy

576
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:27,360
Speaker 1: way for men to show their affection by buying you things,

577
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:29,840
Speaker 1: by providing that when we don't need that, they're kind

578
00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:31,479
Speaker 1: of like, well, I don't get what else, But they

579
00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:33,720
Speaker 1: don't understand that if you just give a black woman

580
00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:36,920
Speaker 1: a place to rest, and by rest I mean mentally rest,

581
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:42,160
Speaker 1: that is literally enough. Do we do? We do them?

582
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:46,080
Speaker 1: I had a conversation with with our mutual friend Charlemagne,

583
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:47,640
Speaker 1: and he was saying he got on the phone with

584
00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:49,520
Speaker 1: a bunch of his black men friends who were like,

585
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,280
Speaker 1: black women just be so hard on us, and the

586
00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 1: baby Mamma's just be so hard on us, and they're

587
00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:55,800
Speaker 1: always fussing and fighting with us. There is a true

588
00:33:57,240 --> 00:34:00,280
Speaker 1: disconnect between black men and black women in relationship ships,

589
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:04,040
Speaker 1: and it's sad. Here's and I want to know what

590
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:05,960
Speaker 1: you think about this, because I don't know if we

591
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,200
Speaker 1: give that to them. I think I do, but I

592
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:11,080
Speaker 1: think because we are so I'm referring to my own experience,

593
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:15,440
Speaker 1: because we we operated such a threshold and we moved

594
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:17,160
Speaker 1: so quickly, and we have so much going on, and

595
00:34:17,239 --> 00:34:19,279
Speaker 1: we can do make it seem like we can do

596
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:23,359
Speaker 1: it all, which we cannot. We require them to meet

597
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:27,239
Speaker 1: us somewhere right, and usually that forces them to meet

598
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:29,080
Speaker 1: us a little bit above right. Then what I guess

599
00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:30,959
Speaker 1: they want to give the effort that they want to give.

600
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:34,520
Speaker 1: That's how I see it. The effort isn't a lot.

601
00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 1: Sometimes they just don't want to do it. It feels

602
00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:39,319
Speaker 1: like a lot to them. So where is the disconnect

603
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:42,480
Speaker 1: between the two in your opinion, black men and black women. Well,

604
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:46,040
Speaker 1: we both have to be really self aware and really

605
00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:49,359
Speaker 1: cognizant of the different levels of trauma we're bringing into

606
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:51,960
Speaker 1: the relationship before we even know each other and meet

607
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,919
Speaker 1: each other. The trauma of not just where we come from,

608
00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:56,960
Speaker 1: how we were raised, but the trauma, just being black.

609
00:34:57,320 --> 00:34:59,840
Speaker 1: You know, these are two different experiences in this country,

610
00:34:59,840 --> 00:35:01,400
Speaker 1: be and a black woman being a black man. That

611
00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:04,640
Speaker 1: we're bringing that together and sometimes it's volatile, and I

612
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:07,719
Speaker 1: think I would agree with you, Like I, I I do

613
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:10,720
Speaker 1: think that there is a level on which black black

614
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:14,879
Speaker 1: women are very hard on black men, partly because our

615
00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:18,200
Speaker 1: expectation level is so high. You know, we want them

616
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:22,040
Speaker 1: to be their very best, and sometimes we feel like

617
00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:24,720
Speaker 1: the way to do that is just by staying on

618
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:27,960
Speaker 1: their ass. And sometimes they don't need that from us.

619
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:29,880
Speaker 1: They don't need us to reraise them, they don't need

620
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:33,640
Speaker 1: us to remother them, and we can give them that

621
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:37,640
Speaker 1: that energy because we're used to having that relationship with them.

622
00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:40,600
Speaker 1: So I mean, I would just say that I think

623
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:43,440
Speaker 1: the disconnect is that we don't know how to process

624
00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:46,600
Speaker 1: each other's needs very well. I was saying this today

625
00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:50,880
Speaker 1: on on Instagram. This Uh Steve Harvey. He has some

626
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:53,239
Speaker 1: comments about black men and black women or women and

627
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:55,960
Speaker 1: men and women being France period and it's it feels

628
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:57,640
Speaker 1: like it makes the rounds every six months. He said

629
00:35:57,680 --> 00:36:00,520
Speaker 1: this back in so this is not new it. I

630
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:05,000
Speaker 1: actually posted this comment on um another Instagram page, and

631
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:08,000
Speaker 1: I said, you know what, I don't think men understand

632
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:09,760
Speaker 1: that when they say that that they can't be friends

633
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:12,799
Speaker 1: with us, how hurtful that actually is. Because what you're

634
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:15,960
Speaker 1: telling me is that the only use I have to

635
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:18,480
Speaker 1: you is if I'm screwing you, are mothering you, like

636
00:36:18,560 --> 00:36:20,879
Speaker 1: there is nothing else. That that means that you can't

637
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:23,319
Speaker 1: see who I fully am as a person, that you

638
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:27,000
Speaker 1: can't relate to me because I can't provide some function

639
00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 1: for you. And I think men don't also understand that

640
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:33,080
Speaker 1: that's an insult to them. That's saying that you can't

641
00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:36,160
Speaker 1: think outside of what'sn't your pants, that's what it so

642
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:38,640
Speaker 1: you're seeing Steve Harvey said that. But is he saying

643
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:40,920
Speaker 1: you can't be friends with someone you're attracted to if

644
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,239
Speaker 1: you're a black man. No, he's just saying men and

645
00:36:43,239 --> 00:36:45,719
Speaker 1: women can't be friends period like because he feels like

646
00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:48,719
Speaker 1: the the attraction will ruin it, right that if if

647
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:53,160
Speaker 1: there is an attraction, though if there's no attraction. But

648
00:36:53,239 --> 00:36:55,920
Speaker 1: I think he's generally just saying that this is not

649
00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:58,560
Speaker 1: a good dynamic. Now I'm where I'm going with this

650
00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:01,040
Speaker 1: is this is that I think if black men and

651
00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:04,520
Speaker 1: black women were better friends if we were actually friends,

652
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:07,920
Speaker 1: this would help and how we relate and deal with

653
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:11,640
Speaker 1: each other, because I see Black men give their friends

654
00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:14,839
Speaker 1: a level of grace and understanding that they don't give us,

655
00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:18,960
Speaker 1: right and we we do the same thing. We give

656
00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:24,799
Speaker 1: That's not true. We give them so much. We give

657
00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:27,120
Speaker 1: them so much, We give them a lot of grace

658
00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:29,560
Speaker 1: that yeah, you can cheat on me all day. I'm

659
00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:31,600
Speaker 1: not referring to me, but we bring your back in

660
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:33,879
Speaker 1: the fold. You want to hold fight out list, not me,

661
00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:36,400
Speaker 1: but I know this story, Like we give them so

662
00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:39,400
Speaker 1: much grace, Like you mean support is the right word.

663
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:44,000
Speaker 1: We don't sometimes. I mean we generally because it's just

664
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:46,840
Speaker 1: in our nature to be caretakers, whether we want to

665
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:51,239
Speaker 1: be or not. But but we don't maybe provide the

666
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:55,120
Speaker 1: same level either of emotional investigation or emotional support to

667
00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:59,160
Speaker 1: our male you know, being our relationship partners, just our

668
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:02,200
Speaker 1: friends that we do to you know, the women that

669
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:04,360
Speaker 1: are in our lives. So my point is this is,

670
00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:09,480
Speaker 1: like I actually encourage friendships, friendships because I think that's

671
00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:12,760
Speaker 1: how we see the empathy and the understanding and each other,

672
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:15,040
Speaker 1: because it's not because then if you take the sex

673
00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:16,960
Speaker 1: pot are and it's not about who's sucking it who's not,

674
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:19,480
Speaker 1: and it's like I have to get to know you

675
00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:22,600
Speaker 1: on some level. But friendship requires vulnerability, which black men

676
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:24,279
Speaker 1: have a hard time giving and black women have a

677
00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:26,600
Speaker 1: hard time getting. So that is where the rub is.

678
00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:28,759
Speaker 1: It's easy for us to be vulnerable with our friends

679
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:30,600
Speaker 1: and even sometimes like I used to, well, you know,

680
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:32,319
Speaker 1: it took us use for us to be vulnerable. I

681
00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:34,080
Speaker 1: was being tough girl from with you, I'm going to

682
00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:36,400
Speaker 1: be your friend. So imagine me trying to be vulnerable

683
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:39,319
Speaker 1: with someone that I don't know in a friendship that

684
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:41,799
Speaker 1: I find attractive. I think that's difficult, and vice versa.

685
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:45,160
Speaker 1: And even when you're in a relationship, especially when you're

686
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:47,200
Speaker 1: in a relationship with a black man, it's really hard

687
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:50,240
Speaker 1: for them too. I had Anthony Hamilton's on the podcast.

688
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:52,840
Speaker 1: He goes, we just sometimes just want to cry, We

689
00:38:52,960 --> 00:38:55,160
Speaker 1: just want to well. I was like, we'll name me one,

690
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:57,839
Speaker 1: like find me one that just comes home and cries,

691
00:38:57,880 --> 00:39:00,040
Speaker 1: and was like today was a hard day. Yeah, And

692
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:02,000
Speaker 1: then we don't make it. And I was about to

693
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:05,120
Speaker 1: say and then when they do do that? Do we

694
00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:09,680
Speaker 1: do we run away from that emotional vulnerability and think,

695
00:39:09,719 --> 00:39:11,560
Speaker 1: oh boy, you're crying in my lap. I don't. I

696
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:12,880
Speaker 1: don't know, God, do I have to pay all the

697
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:15,239
Speaker 1: bills this week? Like I'm being silly? But you see

698
00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:18,200
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like something is removed from that. I

699
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:19,560
Speaker 1: was in a relationship for a very long time with

700
00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:22,280
Speaker 1: the man who was very vulnerable, and it came across

701
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:26,160
Speaker 1: very weak to me at times because I was still

702
00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:28,480
Speaker 1: too tough and I didn't understand that that would be

703
00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:32,239
Speaker 1: the key to a lasting or healthy relationship because I

704
00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:36,080
Speaker 1: never saw vulnerability growing up. You and I have discussed

705
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:39,200
Speaker 1: over and over our relationships with our parents and our

706
00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 1: mothers more specifically, and even our fathers for that matter.

707
00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:48,960
Speaker 1: Do you believe that outside of us being friends with

708
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:52,000
Speaker 1: black man first with no attraction involved, although although there

709
00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:55,840
Speaker 1: maybe some there, do you believe that we can just

710
00:39:55,960 --> 00:40:00,920
Speaker 1: jump to vulnerability culturally? I think it's very hard because

711
00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:05,640
Speaker 1: we have We've had to have this tough exterior just

712
00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:07,799
Speaker 1: because of the way the world is and the way

713
00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:11,760
Speaker 1: the world weaponizes our blackness against us. Uh. It doesn't

714
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:14,239
Speaker 1: allow us a lot of spaces to be vulnerable, which

715
00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:17,799
Speaker 1: is why my message to a lot of black men

716
00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:20,479
Speaker 1: is that the biggest thing you can do for black

717
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:22,640
Speaker 1: women is give us that space to be vulnerable, because

718
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:25,480
Speaker 1: I promise you. And what does that look like? Um?

719
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:28,520
Speaker 1: I think it. You know. The one thing that I

720
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:31,479
Speaker 1: can say about my own relationship, one of the things

721
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:33,920
Speaker 1: that I love is that, as you know, carry being

722
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:38,800
Speaker 1: an entrepreneur and you have to make seven thousand decisions

723
00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:42,480
Speaker 1: in a day, right, seven thousand decisions in a day.

724
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:45,000
Speaker 1: I don't want to feel that way in my relationship,

725
00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:48,040
Speaker 1: like I'm the one making all the decision and so

726
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:51,799
Speaker 1: it feels easy easy for me if I can just

727
00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:55,399
Speaker 1: breathe a little bit and frankly allow him to take

728
00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:58,480
Speaker 1: control on certain things, um or if not a lot

729
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:02,480
Speaker 1: of things, and know that everything is gonna be okay.

730
00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:05,880
Speaker 1: To know that I can relax around him, um and

731
00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:08,600
Speaker 1: not have to feel like this is another entity in

732
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:11,960
Speaker 1: my life I have to run. So that part to

733
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:14,440
Speaker 1: me is worth it in itself, and that part to

734
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:17,000
Speaker 1: you is being vulnerable then making all of this your making,

735
00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:19,759
Speaker 1: not just making all the decisions. Um. The other part

736
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:22,239
Speaker 1: two is like I'm a big you know, everybody knows

737
00:41:22,239 --> 00:41:25,480
Speaker 1: the whole love language thing, so mine is access service, right,

738
00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:29,799
Speaker 1: So I will get I mean, you know, I love

739
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:32,960
Speaker 1: every woman loves expensive gifts and that's great. But you

740
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:35,480
Speaker 1: know it would be great for me if you took

741
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:37,160
Speaker 1: my car in to get service, then I didn't have

742
00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 1: to do it right that that would be amazing, right, So,

743
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:44,160
Speaker 1: and it's just little things to know that I can

744
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:45,879
Speaker 1: relate to that more than ever. Now that I bought

745
00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:47,680
Speaker 1: a house, I'm like, can somebody's come here with a

746
00:41:47,719 --> 00:41:51,040
Speaker 1: fucking screwdriver? Put this put this chair up, and put

747
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:53,759
Speaker 1: this fucking this picture up. Goddamn it. I would love

748
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:55,279
Speaker 1: you if you could come up here, and I have

749
00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:59,120
Speaker 1: to pay you to put this guy damn picture up, right, child,

750
00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:00,840
Speaker 1: let me tell you, it's just been somebody to have

751
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:02,480
Speaker 1: something like they got our bear, because I could have

752
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,399
Speaker 1: never done going to take this trash out. I don't

753
00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:08,960
Speaker 1: feel like see but you know what that that in

754
00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:12,800
Speaker 1: the cell provides a mental piece or to just um

755
00:42:12,840 --> 00:42:18,200
Speaker 1: allow me to just be ridiculously emotional for no apparent reason,

756
00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:21,719
Speaker 1: you know, because I'm having either a tough day or

757
00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:24,680
Speaker 1: a tough week, and by emotional means what I got

758
00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:27,160
Speaker 1: an attitude, you shut down, you do all of the above.

759
00:42:28,239 --> 00:42:31,759
Speaker 1: Um or sometimes you just might need just like you know,

760
00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:34,239
Speaker 1: a good cry, you know, because you know I had

761
00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:36,759
Speaker 1: this Uh you know, I'm not a I'm not a

762
00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:39,279
Speaker 1: cry I was like, I was like, I've never I've

763
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:41,320
Speaker 1: never seen those salty things come out of your eyeballs

764
00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:43,960
Speaker 1: and tell me what happens. But honestly, in this, in

765
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:46,719
Speaker 1: our relationship, I have cried more in this relationship than

766
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:49,160
Speaker 1: I ever have in any relationship. Like it's not even close,

767
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:52,120
Speaker 1: Like it's not love it yeah, I mean, and not

768
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:56,000
Speaker 1: just because something sad is happening. Like I remember I

769
00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:58,400
Speaker 1: had a wouldn't call it a breakdown, but like I

770
00:42:58,480 --> 00:43:02,640
Speaker 1: just had a many many moments when um, I think

771
00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:06,840
Speaker 1: when we first got married, uh it was after the honeymoon,

772
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:08,520
Speaker 1: within the first few months, and I told him I

773
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:10,400
Speaker 1: was just like, oh, I just feel like I'm failing

774
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:13,440
Speaker 1: at this wife thing, like this is the lot. And

775
00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:15,680
Speaker 1: he just laughed. He was like, what are you talking about?

776
00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:19,719
Speaker 1: Because I have such a high you know, not just

777
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:22,640
Speaker 1: a high standard, but it's like I don't I don't

778
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:25,200
Speaker 1: fail at things. So it's like if I don't do

779
00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:28,399
Speaker 1: everything like what I considered to be just right, then

780
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:31,520
Speaker 1: that ship just sends me into you know, into where

781
00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:33,920
Speaker 1: as you said that I'm suffering in silence. I'll be like,

782
00:43:34,080 --> 00:43:37,000
Speaker 1: you know, sitting there like the whole world falling apart

783
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:40,080
Speaker 1: inside my mind, but I'm not expressing that necessarily. And

784
00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:41,960
Speaker 1: so when I finally told him that, and it was

785
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:44,760
Speaker 1: over something, you know, small, he was just like, you're amazing,

786
00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:46,799
Speaker 1: Like I don't know why you would ever think that.

787
00:43:47,280 --> 00:43:49,960
Speaker 1: Do you remember before you got married and you came

788
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:52,879
Speaker 1: to me, Oh, I know what you're about to say.

789
00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:55,600
Speaker 1: I know what you're about to say. You know what, Kry,

790
00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:57,960
Speaker 1: this is why I can't stand at you. But this,

791
00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:01,640
Speaker 1: but this goes back to you feeling like you don't

792
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:03,080
Speaker 1: want to fail and you want to get it right.

793
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:05,240
Speaker 1: And I loved your heart for this. It was so cute.

794
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:08,520
Speaker 1: By way of background, she's the big sister, she's the

795
00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:11,560
Speaker 1: emotional touchdown, She's the person you go to for advice.

796
00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:15,440
Speaker 1: And she came to me and was like, I just

797
00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:17,960
Speaker 1: don't know because I'm gonna have to tell all of

798
00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:24,480
Speaker 1: my secrets. And I was like, to who, Carrie, can

799
00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:28,760
Speaker 1: we just can we just talk about your advice? Go ahead,

800
00:44:29,560 --> 00:44:33,600
Speaker 1: wonderful advice you have given me over the years. Terrible advice,

801
00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:35,600
Speaker 1: but it actually wants up being a good advice at

802
00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:38,560
Speaker 1: the time, I'm like, this doesn't sound right at all,

803
00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:40,839
Speaker 1: But then later on I'm like, damn, she was right. Though.

804
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:44,160
Speaker 1: My dog felt like she had to write down every

805
00:44:44,160 --> 00:44:48,400
Speaker 1: past situation, from every past circumstance and lay it all

806
00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:50,000
Speaker 1: out before you walk down out. And I was like, well,

807
00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:53,160
Speaker 1: who told you that? You were like, because that's not

808
00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:57,640
Speaker 1: a good idea. But Carrie, they's supposed to be built

809
00:44:57,640 --> 00:45:04,640
Speaker 1: on the foundation of and you like bullshit starting from

810
00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:07,640
Speaker 1: the moment you guys say, I do, yeah, of course,

811
00:45:07,680 --> 00:45:11,840
Speaker 1: but it's before it's some shing that mo fols can't

812
00:45:11,840 --> 00:45:15,839
Speaker 1: handle because especially men, like it's some things they just

813
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:18,759
Speaker 1: don't need to know about your past. And the same

814
00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:20,520
Speaker 1: for me, I know, because I'm built like a man

815
00:45:20,640 --> 00:45:23,200
Speaker 1: that way. I don't need to know about Sheila Felicia

816
00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:25,439
Speaker 1: Angela Renee, you know what I mean. Or I don't

817
00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:29,319
Speaker 1: need to know about whatever happened whenever it happened, if

818
00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:32,200
Speaker 1: it doesn't currently affect me. I need to live in bliss,

819
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:36,680
Speaker 1: and then you need to live in ignorance? Is bliss?

820
00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:40,600
Speaker 1: Was I wrong? Though? Was I wrong? Um? So I

821
00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:43,680
Speaker 1: know you disagree, I know you disagree, this go ahead.

822
00:45:43,719 --> 00:45:47,319
Speaker 1: I would say this is that I think but I look,

823
00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:50,920
Speaker 1: I can't. It's funny because like I agree and disagree

824
00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:53,319
Speaker 1: with you at the same time, because I've certainly had

825
00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:57,320
Speaker 1: that situation before where um, you know, in a previous

826
00:45:57,320 --> 00:45:59,880
Speaker 1: relationship the truth was exposed afterwards, I was like, this

827
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:02,680
Speaker 1: didn't help nobody, Like it just it just really didn't.

828
00:46:02,719 --> 00:46:05,920
Speaker 1: I was like, this didn't really help nothing. Okay, because

829
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:08,239
Speaker 1: if you did not cheat on said spouse, or if

830
00:46:08,239 --> 00:46:13,640
Speaker 1: it doesn't affect them, if it doesn't affect the current situation, like,

831
00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 1: let's get let's get to the parameters and specifics. What's

832
00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:20,080
Speaker 1: the point. Why are you getting off your chest? Right?

833
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:25,520
Speaker 1: But the other part, though, I do see, um, having

834
00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:29,920
Speaker 1: experienced the upside of this, is that there is a

835
00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:34,560
Speaker 1: level of growth and closeness that does happen with the

836
00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:38,960
Speaker 1: right person. If you're you're right, does happen. It does

837
00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:42,320
Speaker 1: happen you. And by the I'm speaking about evolved people

838
00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:45,680
Speaker 1: like you. The person knows if they're making handle it.

839
00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:48,520
Speaker 1: The person knows if their make can evolve with the information.

840
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:50,480
Speaker 1: You know right away, if you say this it may

841
00:46:50,520 --> 00:46:53,680
Speaker 1: not help. Well yes and no, though what what what?

842
00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:57,520
Speaker 1: At least what I discovered was that um, you know,

843
00:46:57,680 --> 00:47:01,280
Speaker 1: even though you maybe pass certain relationships that you've had,

844
00:47:01,719 --> 00:47:05,600
Speaker 1: it still leaves a mark on you. And what I

845
00:47:05,640 --> 00:47:07,520
Speaker 1: saw myself doing and I never thought I was this

846
00:47:07,640 --> 00:47:13,320
Speaker 1: person is that previous relationship traumas I was definitely projecting

847
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:18,520
Speaker 1: onto my own one own relationship and which well, I mean,

848
00:47:18,680 --> 00:47:20,480
Speaker 1: I think that what you talked just talked about like

849
00:47:20,520 --> 00:47:23,120
Speaker 1: that whole the whole trust thing. It's like, I've been

850
00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 1: with a very insecure man before, and the lessons I

851
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:32,560
Speaker 1: learned from that were unhealthy ways to deal with somebody

852
00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:35,720
Speaker 1: who's insecure. Number One, you shouldn't be with somebody who's insecure.

853
00:47:35,760 --> 00:47:37,640
Speaker 1: And I know we all have a little bit of insecurity,

854
00:47:37,760 --> 00:47:40,520
Speaker 1: So I'm not talking about the normal amount of insecurity

855
00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:43,839
Speaker 1: we all have. I'm talking about a significant amount of

856
00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:48,799
Speaker 1: insecurity and dealing with that. Um, it really changed my

857
00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:51,760
Speaker 1: pattern in a relationship, and I didn't realize it until

858
00:47:52,520 --> 00:47:55,400
Speaker 1: you know, it kind of got exposed and so I

859
00:47:55,480 --> 00:47:57,400
Speaker 1: was just like, DAMG, I didn't even realize this had

860
00:47:57,440 --> 00:48:00,600
Speaker 1: become a habit. I was just you know, used to

861
00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:03,080
Speaker 1: not giving somebody the benefit of doubt, or used to

862
00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:05,200
Speaker 1: not trusting them, or used to not doing this. Because

863
00:48:05,480 --> 00:48:09,000
Speaker 1: this person taught me how to do that, and whether

864
00:48:09,040 --> 00:48:11,040
Speaker 1: we realize it or not. When we're in relationships, the

865
00:48:11,040 --> 00:48:12,880
Speaker 1: other person we're in there with is teaching us how

866
00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:14,760
Speaker 1: to do something, and that could be good or bad.

867
00:48:15,280 --> 00:48:17,200
Speaker 1: And I had picked up yeah, and I picked up

868
00:48:17,239 --> 00:48:20,560
Speaker 1: a lot of bad habits from them. And then I

869
00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:23,720
Speaker 1: had the opposite happened to me in another relationship where

870
00:48:24,440 --> 00:48:27,480
Speaker 1: that person was holding some major secrets for me, And

871
00:48:27,560 --> 00:48:30,399
Speaker 1: when I found out, it was just like, well, who

872
00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:33,160
Speaker 1: the fund have I been with? You know, it makes

873
00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:37,600
Speaker 1: you questions is you do know this person? It makes

874
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:40,800
Speaker 1: me question It made me question who they were. Totally

875
00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:44,080
Speaker 1: didn't make you question who you were? Have you ever

876
00:48:44,160 --> 00:48:47,840
Speaker 1: been Okay, I'm asking you questions. I know the answers to,

877
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:51,960
Speaker 1: but just bear with me. Here. Have you ever been

878
00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:55,640
Speaker 1: with someone and you found out everything you thought was

879
00:48:55,680 --> 00:48:59,000
Speaker 1: real was not? And then what does that say about you?

880
00:48:59,120 --> 00:49:02,000
Speaker 1: I don't care about them, What does that say about you? Well?

881
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:04,080
Speaker 1: That's what we deal with this women, right, because when

882
00:49:04,080 --> 00:49:09,120
Speaker 1: we make a relationship mistake, we immediately go and point

883
00:49:09,160 --> 00:49:11,399
Speaker 1: the finger at ourselves like how did you not know better?

884
00:49:11,480 --> 00:49:13,600
Speaker 1: Like why were you so stupid? Like I'm not even

885
00:49:13,600 --> 00:49:15,600
Speaker 1: saying how did I not know better. It's like, what

886
00:49:15,680 --> 00:49:19,359
Speaker 1: am I attracting? Why did I make that choice? I'm

887
00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:21,320
Speaker 1: not even looking at it like shame on you carry

888
00:49:21,480 --> 00:49:24,120
Speaker 1: I'm asking and I'm currently asking myself that because you know,

889
00:49:24,160 --> 00:49:26,400
Speaker 1: I've been on an office someone for a long time,

890
00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:29,120
Speaker 1: and I choose heartbreak because I want to change my

891
00:49:29,200 --> 00:49:33,239
Speaker 1: focus and I'm tired of dealing with that person in

892
00:49:33,440 --> 00:49:37,440
Speaker 1: that way. And so what is it about me that

893
00:49:37,520 --> 00:49:41,640
Speaker 1: says I choose that person? What is the insecurity that

894
00:49:41,719 --> 00:49:45,600
Speaker 1: keeps me there or kept me there? And more importantly,

895
00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:51,200
Speaker 1: why do I continue to find myself attracted to this cycle?

896
00:49:52,400 --> 00:49:55,040
Speaker 1: We I already know how it's going in Yeah, right,

897
00:49:55,040 --> 00:49:58,040
Speaker 1: you've seen the story before, seeing how the movie is. Um,

898
00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:00,839
Speaker 1: So the next statement I say, it's going to really

899
00:50:00,840 --> 00:50:05,799
Speaker 1: shock you. I'm a control freak. Carry let me hang up,

900
00:50:06,120 --> 00:50:12,160
Speaker 1: this is crazy. Let me yourself. Jamal is a control

901
00:50:12,200 --> 00:50:19,240
Speaker 1: freak freak, that's crazy. Wow, we're getting very emotionally naked.

902
00:50:19,320 --> 00:50:22,799
Speaker 1: Go ahead. I did not know about me, but I'm

903
00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:24,440
Speaker 1: not a control freak in the way I think that

904
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:27,799
Speaker 1: people kind of envisioned control freaks, Like, I'm not trying

905
00:50:27,840 --> 00:50:30,120
Speaker 1: to master every situation and I don't need to any center,

906
00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:33,400
Speaker 1: like not in that way. I'm a control freak with

907
00:50:33,560 --> 00:50:36,040
Speaker 1: the relationships and that I need to figure out a

908
00:50:36,040 --> 00:50:39,040
Speaker 1: way to control the outcome of what's happening. And what

909
00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:43,400
Speaker 1: I was doing is at least in my last my

910
00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:49,840
Speaker 1: last relationship, the final one I'll ever have. Um. I Uh.

911
00:50:50,160 --> 00:50:52,239
Speaker 1: I put myself in a position where I was the

912
00:50:52,280 --> 00:50:55,640
Speaker 1: authority in that relationship because it was a safe space

913
00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:57,920
Speaker 1: for me, because I felt like I could control that,

914
00:50:58,040 --> 00:51:01,240
Speaker 1: because I didn't want to be vulnerable. So I'm like, oh, okay,

915
00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:04,719
Speaker 1: so you know, I'll be the backbone of this relationship.

916
00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:06,839
Speaker 1: I'll be the breadwinner of this relationship because it gave

917
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:10,160
Speaker 1: me control. And I didn't realize that I was doing

918
00:51:10,200 --> 00:51:14,880
Speaker 1: that to protect myself. And so that's why, you know,

919
00:51:15,120 --> 00:51:16,799
Speaker 1: one of the many reasons that ship blew up in

920
00:51:16,840 --> 00:51:19,839
Speaker 1: my face, you know, because it was just like, Okay,

921
00:51:20,800 --> 00:51:23,520
Speaker 1: I needed to understand that I don't need to be

922
00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:27,640
Speaker 1: in control of the relationship. I'm doing some soul searching now.

923
00:51:27,719 --> 00:51:31,239
Speaker 1: That's very helpful for me in the sense that, yeah, uh,

924
00:51:31,360 --> 00:51:34,920
Speaker 1: I'm a control for it too, no surprise there, but um,

925
00:51:34,960 --> 00:51:36,360
Speaker 1: and probably in the ways in which you are not.

926
00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:41,200
Speaker 1: But I'm asking myself what is it that feels safe

927
00:51:41,520 --> 00:51:45,080
Speaker 1: and familiar, and is the safe and familiar what I need?

928
00:51:45,719 --> 00:51:49,319
Speaker 1: I've been so thank god. Um, I had some really

929
00:51:49,320 --> 00:51:51,759
Speaker 1: good friends who helped me jump off the cliff in

930
00:51:52,840 --> 00:51:55,680
Speaker 1: And why don't I just take that leap emotionally too

931
00:51:55,719 --> 00:51:59,200
Speaker 1: with relationships? If I did it professionally, why not emotionally?

932
00:51:59,480 --> 00:52:01,799
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? That ship is harder, though,

933
00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:06,160
Speaker 1: That ship is harder. Like that, I like walking away

934
00:52:06,160 --> 00:52:09,600
Speaker 1: from ESPN was easy in comparison to walking away from

935
00:52:09,640 --> 00:52:12,080
Speaker 1: the carry that I think I know in a relationship

936
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:16,120
Speaker 1: that it does. So to put you on the couch

937
00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:19,120
Speaker 1: on your own podcast, so please do Why do you

938
00:52:19,160 --> 00:52:27,360
Speaker 1: think you're struggling with um vulnerability in relationships? Um, I

939
00:52:27,480 --> 00:52:29,120
Speaker 1: just like everybody else, I don't want to be hurt,

940
00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:33,320
Speaker 1: so but I end up getting hurt anyway, so it

941
00:52:33,360 --> 00:52:37,200
Speaker 1: don't matter. So it's like the plan is not working.

942
00:52:37,360 --> 00:52:40,839
Speaker 1: The plan is not working, And I'm referring to and

943
00:52:40,880 --> 00:52:42,720
Speaker 1: then a lot of the things that we talked about

944
00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:46,480
Speaker 1: from my last relationship. I don't forgive myself. It's almost

945
00:52:46,520 --> 00:52:49,040
Speaker 1: like I'm giving myself an emotional punishment so that I

946
00:52:49,080 --> 00:52:51,680
Speaker 1: can really go through the hard part To say Okay,

947
00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:54,120
Speaker 1: I pushed through all the tough stuff. Now I deserve this,

948
00:52:54,320 --> 00:52:56,759
Speaker 1: Now deserve goodness, now deserve love, Now I deserve it

949
00:52:56,800 --> 00:52:58,560
Speaker 1: this way. I always tell you that I was like,

950
00:52:58,600 --> 00:53:00,759
Speaker 1: you are just terribly hard on yourself in a way,

951
00:53:00,800 --> 00:53:06,280
Speaker 1: too hard, too hard, undeserved. Um. With that being said,

952
00:53:06,360 --> 00:53:07,600
Speaker 1: I think that has a lot to do with how

953
00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:10,880
Speaker 1: we grew up in our trauma. But most recently, I

954
00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:13,400
Speaker 1: think that another reason why I want to join the

955
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:16,960
Speaker 1: show was because you know, we learn a lot from

956
00:53:16,960 --> 00:53:18,799
Speaker 1: our friends. Like our friends teach us a lot. You've

957
00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:22,239
Speaker 1: taught me a lot, and I think I'm never not

958
00:53:22,480 --> 00:53:25,520
Speaker 1: learning from what you do and what you and what

959
00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:31,719
Speaker 1: I think you shouldn't do say, and vice versa. Like

960
00:53:32,040 --> 00:53:34,320
Speaker 1: it works both things. It works. By the way, is

961
00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:35,920
Speaker 1: you like Carrie, you should have did that? Ship? I

962
00:53:36,040 --> 00:53:40,520
Speaker 1: gonna do that or Curry? Okay? Cool, I'm gonna from

963
00:53:40,520 --> 00:53:48,879
Speaker 1: some lessons, some hartial lessons, definitely. Okay, we gotta pay

964
00:53:48,880 --> 00:53:51,640
Speaker 1: some bills. I'm getting in Jamail's business when we come

965
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:55,040
Speaker 1: back more naked after the break. Every champion and carry

966
00:53:55,120 --> 00:53:57,760
Speaker 1: champion is to be a champion, a champion and carry

967
00:53:57,840 --> 00:54:01,000
Speaker 1: champion and carry CHAPPI Chappion and then carry Chappi, and

968
00:54:01,040 --> 00:54:08,320
Speaker 1: they carry Chappi and enter taming connect work. Every Chappion

969
00:54:08,400 --> 00:54:11,279
Speaker 1: they carry Chappion is to be champion. The champion. They

970
00:54:11,320 --> 00:54:15,320
Speaker 1: carry Chappion Chappi and they carry Chappi, and they carry

971
00:54:15,440 --> 00:54:20,080
Speaker 1: Chappi and the taming Canna work. Hey, everybody, welcome back

972
00:54:20,080 --> 00:54:23,160
Speaker 1: to Naked. We got more Jamal Hill here giving us

973
00:54:23,719 --> 00:54:25,520
Speaker 1: all of that truth serum that we got to be

974
00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:28,320
Speaker 1: ready for. I hope you've enjoyed that first half. The

975
00:54:28,480 --> 00:54:31,640
Speaker 1: second half, well, this is when we put on our

976
00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:38,040
Speaker 1: marching boots. Okay, you already. Let's go most recently, and

977
00:54:38,160 --> 00:54:42,040
Speaker 1: this is I'm taking our text to to two podcasts.

978
00:54:42,160 --> 00:54:45,560
Speaker 1: You and I disagreed with wording for Derek Scholan. You

979
00:54:45,640 --> 00:54:48,600
Speaker 1: called it accountability. I thought it was some form of justice.

980
00:54:49,440 --> 00:54:51,200
Speaker 1: I think that I talked about it in my last

981
00:54:51,280 --> 00:54:55,839
Speaker 1: podcast about Derek Salon and the sense that the reason

982
00:54:55,920 --> 00:54:58,279
Speaker 1: why it felt and maybe justice wasn't the right word

983
00:54:58,280 --> 00:55:01,719
Speaker 1: when you think about it, and and all of its

984
00:55:01,800 --> 00:55:04,480
Speaker 1: glory was but the reason why I felt relief was

985
00:55:04,560 --> 00:55:08,160
Speaker 1: because I was legitimately concerned about what we would do

986
00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:12,439
Speaker 1: as a people, the same way Regina King was like look,

987
00:55:13,640 --> 00:55:16,200
Speaker 1: it was a hall. Wasn't King, No, it was King

988
00:55:16,280 --> 00:55:19,680
Speaker 1: Regina King, because you know, remember that that text we

989
00:55:19,760 --> 00:55:21,719
Speaker 1: sent to each other. Okay, I'm sorry my back, No,

990
00:55:21,840 --> 00:55:28,120
Speaker 1: you said it right. So I honestly felt like if

991
00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:31,279
Speaker 1: if the officer was guilty, I was gonna be like

992
00:55:31,360 --> 00:55:35,000
Speaker 1: fun everybody or not guilty. Rather, yeah, not guilty. I

993
00:55:35,080 --> 00:55:38,040
Speaker 1: was gonna be like everybody, Like seriously, I was ready

994
00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:41,200
Speaker 1: to be like fuck you everybody, more specifically white people.

995
00:55:41,280 --> 00:55:43,560
Speaker 1: Forgive me, not in that way, but just all you

996
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:45,960
Speaker 1: racist people are about to get this business. And I

997
00:55:46,160 --> 00:55:50,400
Speaker 1: was concerned about what would happen to our country a

998
00:55:50,560 --> 00:55:53,880
Speaker 1: world for that matter, if there wasn't some form of

999
00:55:54,000 --> 00:56:01,360
Speaker 1: the word justice. And you said, it's not just its accountability.

1000
00:56:03,320 --> 00:56:07,080
Speaker 1: Explain so everything you felt, I felt the same thing?

1001
00:56:07,400 --> 00:56:10,719
Speaker 1: Is that? Um I think probably when you were having

1002
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:13,279
Speaker 1: conversations I imagined with a lot of your friends leading

1003
00:56:13,320 --> 00:56:15,880
Speaker 1: into the verdict, a lot of us expressed a lot

1004
00:56:15,960 --> 00:56:19,560
Speaker 1: of fear that even though we felt the evidence was

1005
00:56:19,760 --> 00:56:22,560
Speaker 1: pretty clear cut, there was still this fear that sat

1006
00:56:22,600 --> 00:56:26,520
Speaker 1: in the pit of our bellies that this system may

1007
00:56:26,640 --> 00:56:30,160
Speaker 1: let us down again again. And in a way, even

1008
00:56:30,200 --> 00:56:32,279
Speaker 1: though we've seen it, we saw what Rodney King. We've

1009
00:56:32,320 --> 00:56:34,760
Speaker 1: seen it with a number of other Brianna Taylor, number

1010
00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:40,000
Speaker 1: Trayvon Martin, We've seen it before, but this did feel different.

1011
00:56:40,160 --> 00:56:43,400
Speaker 1: And maybe it's just because of the conversations that happened

1012
00:56:43,440 --> 00:56:46,239
Speaker 1: as a result of what happened to George Floyd and

1013
00:56:46,400 --> 00:56:49,120
Speaker 1: the entire racial reckoning in this country. It felt like

1014
00:56:49,320 --> 00:56:52,600
Speaker 1: this was the one we all agreed on, for lack

1015
00:56:52,640 --> 00:56:54,320
Speaker 1: of a better way to put it, like this was

1016
00:56:54,480 --> 00:56:59,319
Speaker 1: some repugnant ship. But the reason why I didn't say

1017
00:56:59,360 --> 00:57:03,480
Speaker 1: it was just this is because justice is a system

1018
00:57:03,640 --> 00:57:07,640
Speaker 1: that does not treat black people the way the criminal

1019
00:57:07,760 --> 00:57:11,360
Speaker 1: justice and policing system in America treats us. That system

1020
00:57:11,480 --> 00:57:15,080
Speaker 1: is broken. American policing is completely broken, and I hope

1021
00:57:15,080 --> 00:57:19,240
Speaker 1: people understand that having an outcome like Derek Chauvin doesn't

1022
00:57:19,360 --> 00:57:21,920
Speaker 1: change the fact that the system is broken. It just

1023
00:57:22,080 --> 00:57:24,920
Speaker 1: means an outlier happened. And when you start to think

1024
00:57:24,960 --> 00:57:28,360
Speaker 1: about what it took to get this officer convicted, it's

1025
00:57:28,360 --> 00:57:33,000
Speaker 1: a lot. It took a video, it took fellow police

1026
00:57:33,080 --> 00:57:38,360
Speaker 1: officers not actually testifying for him, It took a summer

1027
00:57:38,560 --> 00:57:42,520
Speaker 1: of racial reckoning, It took a summer of division, It split,

1028
00:57:42,920 --> 00:57:46,520
Speaker 1: parents and families apart, Husbands and wives were divided. We

1029
00:57:46,640 --> 00:57:50,480
Speaker 1: had the entire nation, if not the world, paid attention.

1030
00:57:50,560 --> 00:57:53,560
Speaker 1: That's what it took. It took all of that for

1031
00:57:53,800 --> 00:57:58,400
Speaker 1: one verdict. That should have been obvious, right, I mean,

1032
00:57:58,440 --> 00:58:00,040
Speaker 1: I know that's part of our Duke process, So I

1033
00:58:00,120 --> 00:58:04,560
Speaker 1: get it. But that does that's not justice. That's a

1034
00:58:04,840 --> 00:58:09,080
Speaker 1: glitch in the matrix. Um. Justice is that there should

1035
00:58:09,080 --> 00:58:11,920
Speaker 1: be no George Floyd. Justice is that George Floyd should

1036
00:58:11,920 --> 00:58:16,560
Speaker 1: be here. Um. The accountability part is the part that

1037
00:58:17,560 --> 00:58:20,120
Speaker 1: makes sense of this, is that you murdered the human

1038
00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:24,840
Speaker 1: being in broad daylight on the street. Everybody saw it,

1039
00:58:25,360 --> 00:58:27,800
Speaker 1: and now you're going to jail. That's the consequence for

1040
00:58:27,880 --> 00:58:31,840
Speaker 1: your action. That's not justice. So and I guess because

1041
00:58:31,920 --> 00:58:34,120
Speaker 1: of the faultiness of the system and is yeah, I

1042
00:58:34,200 --> 00:58:37,880
Speaker 1: was gonna say, but the whole system. But the whole

1043
00:58:37,960 --> 00:58:40,960
Speaker 1: system is broken. We need a new quote unquote justice system.

1044
00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:43,400
Speaker 1: Maybe we need an entire new word for what we

1045
00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:45,880
Speaker 1: think law enforcement is or what justice is, because it

1046
00:58:45,920 --> 00:58:49,280
Speaker 1: doesn't look like what we know like, it looks nothing

1047
00:58:49,440 --> 00:58:52,720
Speaker 1: like what we should know. Rather well, and then look

1048
00:58:52,760 --> 00:58:54,880
Speaker 1: at what's happened since the verdict. I mean, there are

1049
00:58:54,960 --> 00:58:57,240
Speaker 1: so many cases right now of black people being killed

1050
00:58:57,240 --> 00:58:59,240
Speaker 1: by the police. It's like you can't even keep up.

1051
00:58:59,280 --> 00:59:01,720
Speaker 1: I mean, that was all is the case, but especially

1052
00:59:01,880 --> 00:59:05,640
Speaker 1: after we went from right from that to Mchea Bryant,

1053
00:59:05,840 --> 00:59:07,880
Speaker 1: right right from that, like we didn't even happen as

1054
00:59:09,400 --> 00:59:12,240
Speaker 1: it was was happening the I mean, we didn't even

1055
00:59:12,280 --> 00:59:14,720
Speaker 1: have a chance to even process that verdict. And then

1056
00:59:14,800 --> 00:59:17,680
Speaker 1: here we go again, and now it feels like we're

1057
00:59:17,720 --> 00:59:22,040
Speaker 1: back to square one. And so that's why it can't

1058
00:59:22,120 --> 00:59:26,240
Speaker 1: be justice can't come from a bad system. And um,

1059
00:59:27,560 --> 00:59:32,400
Speaker 1: I my fear, and I think it's probably historically pretty proven,

1060
00:59:32,440 --> 00:59:34,840
Speaker 1: and it's a layout of the future. We're not going

1061
00:59:34,880 --> 00:59:36,880
Speaker 1: to do the work to do what we gotta do.

1062
00:59:37,200 --> 00:59:39,880
Speaker 1: We're just not as a country, we're not ready to

1063
00:59:39,960 --> 00:59:42,680
Speaker 1: do that is that we're not ready to completely deconstruct

1064
00:59:42,760 --> 00:59:45,080
Speaker 1: how we think about policing. Like this reform ship is

1065
00:59:45,160 --> 00:59:47,080
Speaker 1: just a word, Like reform is not gonna cut it.

1066
00:59:47,200 --> 00:59:50,040
Speaker 1: You cannot reform what happened to George Floyd. You can't

1067
00:59:50,080 --> 00:59:52,919
Speaker 1: reform what's happening in North Carolina right now. You can't

1068
00:59:52,960 --> 00:59:56,240
Speaker 1: reform what's happening with Mchea Bryant. We've tried that, you know,

1069
00:59:56,360 --> 00:59:57,920
Speaker 1: the old added you keep doing what you're doing and

1070
00:59:58,120 --> 01:00:00,480
Speaker 1: keep getting what you're getting. Okay, they've done and put more.

1071
01:00:00,640 --> 01:00:03,520
Speaker 1: They put more officers in the street. They have more

1072
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:07,400
Speaker 1: black and brown officers. The system itself is rotten because

1073
01:00:07,480 --> 01:00:10,800
Speaker 1: it was created to oppress us. And as long as

1074
01:00:10,880 --> 01:00:12,960
Speaker 1: that is the goal of the system, or has been,

1075
01:00:13,360 --> 01:00:16,600
Speaker 1: the system is going to work as designed. Again, Derek

1076
01:00:16,640 --> 01:00:19,400
Speaker 1: Schauvin was the glitch in the matrix. He wasn't the

1077
01:00:19,440 --> 01:00:21,520
Speaker 1: way that ship works. And so when I heard so

1078
01:00:21,640 --> 01:00:24,040
Speaker 1: many people say, oh, this has proved the system works, No,

1079
01:00:24,240 --> 01:00:26,800
Speaker 1: it was proofd the system had a bad day, because

1080
01:00:26,880 --> 01:00:29,720
Speaker 1: that's not how the system actually works. How it works

1081
01:00:29,840 --> 01:00:33,400
Speaker 1: is Philando Castile how it works as Trayvon Martin. Derek

1082
01:00:33,480 --> 01:00:36,800
Speaker 1: Chauvin is not how it works. And so thinking of

1083
01:00:36,920 --> 01:00:39,120
Speaker 1: it from that standpoint, that's why I was like, Yeah,

1084
01:00:39,200 --> 01:00:41,280
Speaker 1: it's hard for me too. It's hard for me to

1085
01:00:41,360 --> 01:00:43,560
Speaker 1: be excited about some ship that should have happened anyway.

1086
01:00:44,440 --> 01:00:47,760
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. Did you feel relief? I

1087
01:00:47,880 --> 01:00:50,920
Speaker 1: felt relieved because just like you, I feared what with

1088
01:00:51,080 --> 01:00:54,480
Speaker 1: this collectively due to black people from a spirit standpoint,

1089
01:00:54,680 --> 01:00:58,040
Speaker 1: here's a crazy thing. As much as you know Black

1090
01:00:58,080 --> 01:01:03,520
Speaker 1: people we talk our ship. We you knowle we so fragile,

1091
01:01:04,160 --> 01:01:06,520
Speaker 1: But now I'm so damn fragile. And in the sense

1092
01:01:06,560 --> 01:01:09,920
Speaker 1: of you said spirit, that would break our spirit. If

1093
01:01:09,960 --> 01:01:12,439
Speaker 1: you're telling me nine minutes and twenty nine seconds can't

1094
01:01:12,480 --> 01:01:16,000
Speaker 1: get a conviction in any capacity. That would have broke

1095
01:01:16,040 --> 01:01:18,240
Speaker 1: our spirit. Not that we wouldn't have been resilient, but

1096
01:01:18,360 --> 01:01:21,440
Speaker 1: it would have broke our spirit. What people don't understand

1097
01:01:21,720 --> 01:01:26,040
Speaker 1: about our people. We are hopelessly in love with this country,

1098
01:01:26,480 --> 01:01:30,440
Speaker 1: hopelessly because we built this motherfucker for free. Were not

1099
01:01:30,560 --> 01:01:34,560
Speaker 1: only built it, our blood, our sweat, our entire DNA

1100
01:01:34,920 --> 01:01:37,840
Speaker 1: is baked into this country. But when you think about

1101
01:01:39,600 --> 01:01:43,160
Speaker 1: what unconditional love really means, Black people have shown this

1102
01:01:43,280 --> 01:01:49,200
Speaker 1: country unconditional love. Why not just because we built it.

1103
01:01:49,400 --> 01:01:53,560
Speaker 1: Because we actually are foolish enough to believe those words

1104
01:01:54,200 --> 01:01:56,280
Speaker 1: that are on the Statue of Liberty about bring me

1105
01:01:56,320 --> 01:01:58,560
Speaker 1: your tire, bring me your poor, bring me your hungry.

1106
01:01:59,040 --> 01:02:02,120
Speaker 1: We believe that ship, that ship of the Constitution. We

1107
01:02:02,240 --> 01:02:05,560
Speaker 1: actually believe it. But j y, what is it about us?

1108
01:02:05,640 --> 01:02:08,840
Speaker 1: I'm asking, genuinely from European what is it about our culture.

1109
01:02:08,920 --> 01:02:12,240
Speaker 1: What is it about our ancestors, descendants of slaves? Why

1110
01:02:12,320 --> 01:02:15,760
Speaker 1: do we feel like there is hope that there will

1111
01:02:15,920 --> 01:02:19,439
Speaker 1: be a better tomorrow, that we actually will one day

1112
01:02:19,720 --> 01:02:24,680
Speaker 1: see equality. We have to believe it because otherwise everything

1113
01:02:24,760 --> 01:02:28,479
Speaker 1: we've done for this country, everybody that was brutalized, every

1114
01:02:28,520 --> 01:02:31,880
Speaker 1: family that was broken up, every level of atrocity that

1115
01:02:32,000 --> 01:02:34,280
Speaker 1: happened to us in this country will have meant nothing.

1116
01:02:34,760 --> 01:02:37,120
Speaker 1: We have to believe there's something on the other side

1117
01:02:37,160 --> 01:02:39,960
Speaker 1: of this. It's what kept Harriet going. It's what kept

1118
01:02:40,040 --> 01:02:44,280
Speaker 1: the journey going. It's what kept Shirley Chisholm going, correct,

1119
01:02:44,360 --> 01:02:47,160
Speaker 1: Scott King, Fanny lew Hammer, is what kept them Hall going,

1120
01:02:47,480 --> 01:02:50,960
Speaker 1: Martin Luther King, Malcolm X. It's that idea is what

1121
01:02:51,120 --> 01:02:53,680
Speaker 1: kept them going. If there's nothing on the other side

1122
01:02:53,720 --> 01:02:55,280
Speaker 1: of it, then what the funk We've been doing for

1123
01:02:55,400 --> 01:02:59,040
Speaker 1: five years? But there isn't What if there is nothing,

1124
01:02:59,320 --> 01:03:04,160
Speaker 1: we can't or to think that way, because otherwise we

1125
01:03:04,320 --> 01:03:06,520
Speaker 1: will give up. And the one thing that is not

1126
01:03:06,680 --> 01:03:10,320
Speaker 1: coded in our DNA is giving up. Even though every

1127
01:03:10,480 --> 01:03:13,600
Speaker 1: possible road sign sometimes tells us to do this and

1128
01:03:13,720 --> 01:03:15,600
Speaker 1: sometimes tells us to throw up a middle finger to

1129
01:03:15,680 --> 01:03:18,760
Speaker 1: this country. We're the only ones interested and holding this

1130
01:03:18,920 --> 01:03:22,440
Speaker 1: fucking country accountable. We're the only one interested in seeing

1131
01:03:22,880 --> 01:03:25,720
Speaker 1: it live up to this whole idea of freedom and

1132
01:03:25,800 --> 01:03:29,360
Speaker 1: liberty and justice and equality for all. We are the ones.

1133
01:03:29,840 --> 01:03:33,880
Speaker 1: We're the real Americans, to be honest, us and the

1134
01:03:33,960 --> 01:03:37,560
Speaker 1: indigenous people in this country. It's us, all right, because

1135
01:03:37,600 --> 01:03:42,760
Speaker 1: we were the ones. I mean, because I know it's

1136
01:03:42,800 --> 01:03:44,760
Speaker 1: in our DNA. But as you say this, in my mind,

1137
01:03:44,800 --> 01:03:46,840
Speaker 1: I'm not like, fuck it, I mean, but I'm not.

1138
01:03:47,040 --> 01:03:49,080
Speaker 1: I want to say it. I want to say it,

1139
01:03:49,280 --> 01:03:51,040
Speaker 1: and I want to believe it, but I don't believe it.

1140
01:03:51,080 --> 01:03:55,960
Speaker 1: Because I do believe. I do believe that. I just

1141
01:03:56,080 --> 01:03:57,960
Speaker 1: have hope. I don't know what I believe, but I

1142
01:03:58,040 --> 01:04:01,439
Speaker 1: just have hope. And that's been who we have been

1143
01:04:02,680 --> 01:04:05,320
Speaker 1: before the beginning of time and who our ancestors are.

1144
01:04:05,480 --> 01:04:08,080
Speaker 1: I just feel as if before the beginning of time

1145
01:04:08,120 --> 01:04:10,200
Speaker 1: doesn't make any sense, but just who we are before

1146
01:04:10,240 --> 01:04:13,320
Speaker 1: we're even born. It's just in our DNA. But the

1147
01:04:13,440 --> 01:04:18,080
Speaker 1: reality is, if I'm honest with you, Nate, which which

1148
01:04:18,440 --> 01:04:23,440
Speaker 1: I'm sure you feel this, it is I'm tired. Like

1149
01:04:23,560 --> 01:04:26,520
Speaker 1: I'm tired. I have zero tolerance. Everyone's tired so what

1150
01:04:26,640 --> 01:04:29,160
Speaker 1: do you do when you're tired? You take breaks, finally

1151
01:04:29,200 --> 01:04:31,200
Speaker 1: take breaks, and we get back in it again. But

1152
01:04:31,400 --> 01:04:34,880
Speaker 1: when when Not that you know the answer to this,

1153
01:04:35,000 --> 01:04:37,840
Speaker 1: but when is their relief insite? When do we really

1154
01:04:37,960 --> 01:04:42,160
Speaker 1: start walking into a room and telling people, quite frankly,

1155
01:04:42,200 --> 01:04:44,280
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about corporate social justice. I

1156
01:04:44,320 --> 01:04:46,760
Speaker 1: don't want to. I don't want to make racism okay.

1157
01:04:47,480 --> 01:04:51,320
Speaker 1: I don't want to make white people feel okay about racism.

1158
01:04:51,360 --> 01:04:53,640
Speaker 1: I don't want to laugh at your ridiculous jokes. I

1159
01:04:53,680 --> 01:04:55,640
Speaker 1: don't think it's funny. I want to talk about it

1160
01:04:55,760 --> 01:04:59,160
Speaker 1: and be unapologetic about it. I feel like we are unapologetic,

1161
01:04:59,200 --> 01:05:02,720
Speaker 1: but we always know what with a consequence? Yeah, I mean,

1162
01:05:02,840 --> 01:05:06,880
Speaker 1: and I'll just say this. We see progress is slow

1163
01:05:07,040 --> 01:05:10,920
Speaker 1: and it's often painful. We are despite the fact that

1164
01:05:11,080 --> 01:05:13,560
Speaker 1: on a daily, if not hourly basis, we are often

1165
01:05:13,720 --> 01:05:17,320
Speaker 1: reminded of how far we have to go. But when

1166
01:05:17,400 --> 01:05:19,800
Speaker 1: we sit and think about it, we actually have come

1167
01:05:19,880 --> 01:05:22,000
Speaker 1: a long way. We'll tell me where where have we

1168
01:05:22,120 --> 01:05:25,080
Speaker 1: come from? Ship? Well? I mean, I know, I know,

1169
01:05:25,160 --> 01:05:26,800
Speaker 1: at least at the at the very least when not

1170
01:05:26,880 --> 01:05:31,480
Speaker 1: drinking out of separate water phones anymore so, that's helpful. Okay,

1171
01:05:32,320 --> 01:05:35,760
Speaker 1: so helpful. I would say, all right, thank you, thank

1172
01:05:35,840 --> 01:05:37,720
Speaker 1: you for that. And this is not the same. I'm

1173
01:05:37,720 --> 01:05:40,440
Speaker 1: still getting followed around at Gucci stores. I'm still getting

1174
01:05:40,440 --> 01:05:44,479
Speaker 1: followed around when I go expensive stores. But you can't

1175
01:05:44,520 --> 01:05:51,000
Speaker 1: cust them out now, right off right, you right, go ahead,

1176
01:05:51,800 --> 01:05:53,680
Speaker 1: because back in the day we could write because back

1177
01:05:53,680 --> 01:05:55,120
Speaker 1: in the day, we couldn't cust them out. First of all,

1178
01:05:55,120 --> 01:05:56,919
Speaker 1: back in the day, we couldn't be in the Gucci store.

1179
01:05:57,080 --> 01:05:59,520
Speaker 1: We can store. They didn't want to sit there. Okay,

1180
01:05:59,560 --> 01:06:01,840
Speaker 1: all right, go ahead, let me get my hat. Right.

1181
01:06:02,000 --> 01:06:05,360
Speaker 1: As I explained this, we couldn't be in the Gucci store,

1182
01:06:05,360 --> 01:06:08,000
Speaker 1: whether we have money or not. Right, So, there is

1183
01:06:08,680 --> 01:06:12,919
Speaker 1: freedoms that we have fought very hard for. Blairford died

1184
01:06:13,000 --> 01:06:16,680
Speaker 1: for that we have now that our ancestors could never

1185
01:06:16,840 --> 01:06:20,400
Speaker 1: have imagined, right that the Frederick Douglas could never have

1186
01:06:20,480 --> 01:06:23,120
Speaker 1: imagined there would be a Barack Obama. All right, they

1187
01:06:23,200 --> 01:06:25,640
Speaker 1: could never have happened, right, And you know why he

1188
01:06:25,840 --> 01:06:28,360
Speaker 1: and we had Tana Hassi on the show, and he

1189
01:06:28,480 --> 01:06:31,320
Speaker 1: said the reason why Barack Obama was president, our first

1190
01:06:31,360 --> 01:06:35,479
Speaker 1: black president, because he had an unbelievable hope in white people.

1191
01:06:35,560 --> 01:06:38,560
Speaker 1: He believed in good and he didn't think that there

1192
01:06:38,680 --> 01:06:43,160
Speaker 1: was a depravity in them. And that is why he

1193
01:06:43,400 --> 01:06:46,440
Speaker 1: was the first black president because he that DNA, that

1194
01:06:46,600 --> 01:06:48,720
Speaker 1: that hope in our DNA that you discusses what he

1195
01:06:48,840 --> 01:06:52,600
Speaker 1: had and he believed it and it was palpable. But

1196
01:06:52,760 --> 01:06:55,640
Speaker 1: you need that, you need we need a few of us,

1197
01:06:55,760 --> 01:06:59,040
Speaker 1: as hardened as we are and as much as we

1198
01:06:59,240 --> 01:07:03,320
Speaker 1: sometimes get, you know, our teeth kicked in by this country.

1199
01:07:04,120 --> 01:07:08,520
Speaker 1: You do need people who have that belief because otherwise,

1200
01:07:08,720 --> 01:07:11,520
Speaker 1: what are we doing if we don't. I mean everybody

1201
01:07:11,560 --> 01:07:14,440
Speaker 1: doesn't mean yeah, I mean Martin, Dr Martin Luther King Jr.

1202
01:07:14,480 --> 01:07:16,480
Speaker 1: Had that believe He believed we could be better, which

1203
01:07:16,520 --> 01:07:19,479
Speaker 1: is why but he started getting but he started getting

1204
01:07:19,560 --> 01:07:21,720
Speaker 1: radical quote unquote in their opinion. And that's why it

1205
01:07:21,840 --> 01:07:24,120
Speaker 1: was like, yo, we gotta take him out because he

1206
01:07:24,200 --> 01:07:26,160
Speaker 1: now here he knows. That's why they didn't want us

1207
01:07:26,200 --> 01:07:29,880
Speaker 1: to read. Okay, wait, see that the goal of this

1208
01:07:30,040 --> 01:07:32,360
Speaker 1: was not to make us angrier. I know, let me stop,

1209
01:07:32,800 --> 01:07:34,800
Speaker 1: let me talk. Okay, So here's my here's my I

1210
01:07:34,840 --> 01:07:36,360
Speaker 1: have two more things, and then I'm gonna let you

1211
01:07:36,480 --> 01:07:39,920
Speaker 1: go because I pushed past mm hmmm who you texting.

1212
01:07:40,760 --> 01:07:43,880
Speaker 1: I'm texting nobody. I was actually I was trying to

1213
01:07:43,960 --> 01:07:45,520
Speaker 1: find this great movie line that I was going to

1214
01:07:45,560 --> 01:07:47,400
Speaker 1: add to our conversation because I was like, Okay, give

1215
01:07:47,440 --> 01:07:49,480
Speaker 1: it to me. But I didn't find it yet. So

1216
01:07:49,920 --> 01:07:52,240
Speaker 1: it was something about unconditional love that I could have

1217
01:07:52,280 --> 01:07:54,800
Speaker 1: sworn was said in the movie Um the Mexican with

1218
01:07:54,880 --> 01:07:58,280
Speaker 1: Julia Roberts and Brad Pitt. Talk to me about it

1219
01:07:58,320 --> 01:08:00,680
Speaker 1: because we are here to live in our best I

1220
01:08:00,800 --> 01:08:03,680
Speaker 1: just I can't find a quote, but I'm sure because

1221
01:08:03,680 --> 01:08:06,600
Speaker 1: she asked him something about unconditional love, or he asked

1222
01:08:06,600 --> 01:08:08,600
Speaker 1: her and he was like, well, how do you know

1223
01:08:09,960 --> 01:08:11,320
Speaker 1: something like how do you know when you're out of

1224
01:08:11,400 --> 01:08:13,720
Speaker 1: unconditional love or whatever? And he was like, you don't.

1225
01:08:14,080 --> 01:08:17,800
Speaker 1: The answer is never. The answer is never when it comes,

1226
01:08:17,960 --> 01:08:19,960
Speaker 1: never out of unconditional love. So you're telling me we

1227
01:08:20,080 --> 01:08:26,720
Speaker 1: don't love this country in spite of what happened. This

1228
01:08:26,840 --> 01:08:29,480
Speaker 1: is what it was. It was my man James gandelfei

1229
01:08:29,560 --> 01:08:33,519
Speaker 1: ak um Tony soprano. He said, when two people love

1230
01:08:33,560 --> 01:08:35,439
Speaker 1: each other, really love each other, but they just can't

1231
01:08:35,439 --> 01:08:37,240
Speaker 1: get it together. When do you get to the point

1232
01:08:37,320 --> 01:08:44,600
Speaker 1: where enough is enough and Julia Roberts said never, and

1233
01:08:44,680 --> 01:08:46,760
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, that's something I had to think

1234
01:08:46,800 --> 01:08:49,880
Speaker 1: about it. But sometimes you do feel like enough is enough,

1235
01:08:50,120 --> 01:08:54,320
Speaker 1: but you always go back exactly so with us. That's

1236
01:08:54,360 --> 01:08:57,679
Speaker 1: why I said, it's it's it's it's not and something

1237
01:08:57,800 --> 01:08:59,479
Speaker 1: is not even the word for it. But when people

1238
01:08:59,600 --> 01:09:02,479
Speaker 1: question a patriotism of black people, I found that to

1239
01:09:02,520 --> 01:09:04,800
Speaker 1: be one of the most offensive things you could ever

1240
01:09:04,920 --> 01:09:07,040
Speaker 1: say to us, because I'm like, let me get this straight.

1241
01:09:07,360 --> 01:09:11,400
Speaker 1: Who else would at times where our own civil rights

1242
01:09:11,439 --> 01:09:15,439
Speaker 1: in this country we're not, We're a myth would still

1243
01:09:15,520 --> 01:09:18,599
Speaker 1: go out and fight for this country, still go out

1244
01:09:18,680 --> 01:09:22,000
Speaker 1: and compete for this country. We have laid it on

1245
01:09:22,160 --> 01:09:27,760
Speaker 1: the line with no promise of anything ever. That is

1246
01:09:28,040 --> 01:09:32,479
Speaker 1: real patriotism. Real patriotism is not storming the punkass capital.

1247
01:09:32,640 --> 01:09:35,720
Speaker 1: That's not patriotism, right because we can't wear because we

1248
01:09:35,760 --> 01:09:37,960
Speaker 1: don't want to wear a mask and we feel right

1249
01:09:37,960 --> 01:09:39,519
Speaker 1: because you don't want to marry a mask and my

1250
01:09:39,600 --> 01:09:42,760
Speaker 1: body my choice, like, sit the funk down, that's not patriotism, right.

1251
01:09:43,160 --> 01:09:48,600
Speaker 1: We know what patriotism is. And so that's why I

1252
01:09:48,760 --> 01:09:52,280
Speaker 1: know it feels sometimes like we're giving into an empty,

1253
01:09:52,600 --> 01:09:56,439
Speaker 1: bottomless well that is never gonna return it, and will

1254
01:09:56,479 --> 01:09:58,680
Speaker 1: it return it what we've given to it. Probably not.

1255
01:09:59,080 --> 01:10:02,160
Speaker 1: I don't think at this point it can, honestly. But

1256
01:10:03,240 --> 01:10:07,439
Speaker 1: the reason we keep trying is because we feel so

1257
01:10:07,760 --> 01:10:13,200
Speaker 1: invested in this country, because our spirit is in it.

1258
01:10:13,720 --> 01:10:16,200
Speaker 1: Our bodies are in it. And I don't mean physically

1259
01:10:16,560 --> 01:10:22,000
Speaker 1: bodies baked into the ground. Our essence is completely cooked

1260
01:10:22,120 --> 01:10:26,000
Speaker 1: in the DNA of America. That's a great visual, right

1261
01:10:26,240 --> 01:10:30,880
Speaker 1: because thinking about the fact that we get up, Dan

1262
01:10:31,000 --> 01:10:33,639
Speaker 1: and day out, go to the job, not us per se,

1263
01:10:34,120 --> 01:10:36,400
Speaker 1: but go to a job you can't stand because we

1264
01:10:36,479 --> 01:10:38,519
Speaker 1: told them to kiss our ass. Go to a job

1265
01:10:38,600 --> 01:10:42,200
Speaker 1: you can't stand. Um, work for people who don't like you,

1266
01:10:42,320 --> 01:10:44,000
Speaker 1: and you know they don't like you, but you have

1267
01:10:44,160 --> 01:10:48,200
Speaker 1: to tolerate them. Um be considered less than when you're

1268
01:10:48,240 --> 01:10:53,040
Speaker 1: better than in every aspect of the way. We, for

1269
01:10:53,200 --> 01:10:57,840
Speaker 1: whatever reasons, which you just so eloquently explained, have this

1270
01:10:58,120 --> 01:11:01,320
Speaker 1: unconditional love, and enough is never enough because we know

1271
01:11:04,280 --> 01:11:06,360
Speaker 1: that there is some reward and I don't know what

1272
01:11:06,479 --> 01:11:09,080
Speaker 1: the reward is though, Jay. That's what I'm struggling with

1273
01:11:09,240 --> 01:11:12,120
Speaker 1: right now, especially at this time. There is a reward,

1274
01:11:12,200 --> 01:11:20,840
Speaker 1: There is a um, there is joy. Where is it?

1275
01:11:21,360 --> 01:11:25,720
Speaker 1: We know it's there and we have joyful moments, but

1276
01:11:26,000 --> 01:11:29,360
Speaker 1: where is it. I take all this trauma, I take

1277
01:11:29,400 --> 01:11:31,240
Speaker 1: all this pain, I take all this hurt, and I've

1278
01:11:31,320 --> 01:11:33,040
Speaker 1: still pressed on and I still get up, and I

1279
01:11:33,120 --> 01:11:35,599
Speaker 1: still struggle, and I still fight, and I still I'm

1280
01:11:35,680 --> 01:11:39,639
Speaker 1: disrespected and underpaid and overworked. But we do it because

1281
01:11:39,880 --> 01:11:42,080
Speaker 1: not outside of the circumstances of just taking care of

1282
01:11:42,120 --> 01:11:45,439
Speaker 1: our family, the most basic ship. Where is the joy?

1283
01:11:47,360 --> 01:11:50,800
Speaker 1: I think the joy is knowing that despite all the

1284
01:11:51,240 --> 01:11:54,280
Speaker 1: difficult things, or the things that are in our lives

1285
01:11:54,360 --> 01:11:58,280
Speaker 1: that make our missions more difficult than they need to be. Um,

1286
01:11:59,000 --> 01:12:02,880
Speaker 1: the joy, I think is in when we get to

1287
01:12:02,960 --> 01:12:06,960
Speaker 1: those moments where we get to do something, create something

1288
01:12:07,640 --> 01:12:13,200
Speaker 1: that frankly our ancestors could have never imagined. The truth

1289
01:12:13,320 --> 01:12:16,600
Speaker 1: of it is that you know, every time that you

1290
01:12:16,720 --> 01:12:20,559
Speaker 1: grace a television screen, the fact that you have this podcast, um,

1291
01:12:20,680 --> 01:12:22,760
Speaker 1: the fact that you were excellent at ESPN for so

1292
01:12:22,880 --> 01:12:28,559
Speaker 1: many years. UM, you have to think about, say somebody

1293
01:12:28,960 --> 01:12:33,040
Speaker 1: you know, the generation before. It's like Robin Roberts and

1294
01:12:33,160 --> 01:12:35,960
Speaker 1: what it was like for her when she was at ESPN,

1295
01:12:36,520 --> 01:12:40,880
Speaker 1: much different world than when you were there. Yeah, yeah,

1296
01:12:41,040 --> 01:12:43,120
Speaker 1: I mean, that's no matter how and by the way,

1297
01:12:43,920 --> 01:12:47,160
Speaker 1: Robin Robin hurt is the first and that was joy

1298
01:12:47,200 --> 01:12:49,040
Speaker 1: in itself and no telling what she dealt with. They

1299
01:12:49,080 --> 01:12:50,599
Speaker 1: don't tell them what we dealt with. But you're right,

1300
01:12:50,800 --> 01:12:53,360
Speaker 1: there is some joy in that. There is joy in

1301
01:12:54,560 --> 01:12:56,519
Speaker 1: do you remember? And I have to add this, We

1302
01:12:56,640 --> 01:13:00,639
Speaker 1: got this message on social media once guy was watching

1303
01:13:00,760 --> 01:13:03,120
Speaker 1: Won't stick to Sports. He says, I'm watching it with

1304
01:13:03,200 --> 01:13:05,040
Speaker 1: my mom and she can't believe two black women on

1305
01:13:05,120 --> 01:13:07,680
Speaker 1: TV talking about white people this way. She's like, are

1306
01:13:07,720 --> 01:13:11,400
Speaker 1: they going to get in trouble? But that's joy. The

1307
01:13:11,479 --> 01:13:14,240
Speaker 1: joy is that on our TV show we literally drink

1308
01:13:14,320 --> 01:13:18,679
Speaker 1: out of mugs that said white tears on Like, that's

1309
01:13:19,040 --> 01:13:22,880
Speaker 1: that should give you joy, Carrie, I did shots of

1310
01:13:22,920 --> 01:13:27,519
Speaker 1: fittency on our show. All right, James, Jay's a real one.

1311
01:13:27,560 --> 01:13:29,439
Speaker 1: She just shot. I did shots to whin. She a

1312
01:13:29,520 --> 01:13:33,120
Speaker 1: real one. You were real about. I mean, I know

1313
01:13:33,240 --> 01:13:35,479
Speaker 1: when we're doing it, it's a labor a love and

1314
01:13:35,560 --> 01:13:38,559
Speaker 1: it seems like, oh my god, like what else could happen?

1315
01:13:38,640 --> 01:13:41,160
Speaker 1: What else could go wrong? But the fact is that

1316
01:13:41,360 --> 01:13:44,120
Speaker 1: we used to get on TV and frankly talk about

1317
01:13:44,120 --> 01:13:47,960
Speaker 1: white people so bad, so bad, it's just so bad,

1318
01:13:48,320 --> 01:13:52,200
Speaker 1: so so bad. But but and and and here's what

1319
01:13:52,360 --> 01:13:54,640
Speaker 1: the funny part is is that just say whatever the

1320
01:13:54,680 --> 01:13:56,800
Speaker 1: funk we wanted to. I mean, like, but it was

1321
01:13:57,120 --> 01:13:59,519
Speaker 1: but it was educated, and it was funny, and it

1322
01:13:59,680 --> 01:14:02,880
Speaker 1: was it was and it was thought. It was never

1323
01:14:03,000 --> 01:14:04,800
Speaker 1: without thought. And I do want to say this as

1324
01:14:04,840 --> 01:14:07,439
Speaker 1: we as we go in. I think we have lived

1325
01:14:07,439 --> 01:14:08,880
Speaker 1: in a world. We black people have lived in a

1326
01:14:08,920 --> 01:14:10,720
Speaker 1: world where we're so cautious about what we say and

1327
01:14:10,760 --> 01:14:12,200
Speaker 1: what we really feel, and we can only say it

1328
01:14:12,240 --> 01:14:15,280
Speaker 1: behind closed doors. I think we need to normalize talking

1329
01:14:15,479 --> 01:14:18,960
Speaker 1: about um inequality in a way that can be palpable

1330
01:14:19,120 --> 01:14:24,600
Speaker 1: and and digestible. The selective outrage that we hear is

1331
01:14:24,720 --> 01:14:28,320
Speaker 1: so disgusting. And I use the Jake Paul incident. You

1332
01:14:28,360 --> 01:14:32,920
Speaker 1: know how to go there. Our favorite our favorite friend,

1333
01:14:33,160 --> 01:14:35,880
Speaker 1: he's a superstar now in the sports world. But this

1334
01:14:36,240 --> 01:14:39,880
Speaker 1: this guy has committed so much disrespect. But it's completely

1335
01:14:40,080 --> 01:14:43,760
Speaker 1: overlooked that he's used the in word however many times,

1336
01:14:43,840 --> 01:14:46,760
Speaker 1: appropriated the culture. But yet and still we're wrong for

1337
01:14:46,800 --> 01:14:49,080
Speaker 1: asking him that question. These are the same people that

1338
01:14:49,160 --> 01:14:50,960
Speaker 1: are in your d m s who have no problem

1339
01:14:51,000 --> 01:14:53,640
Speaker 1: with Brianna Taylor being murdered inside of our home or

1340
01:14:54,080 --> 01:14:56,920
Speaker 1: Derek Shrvan sitting on someone's neck for nine minutes and

1341
01:14:57,000 --> 01:15:04,599
Speaker 1: twenty nine seconds. To me, what we do is still

1342
01:15:04,720 --> 01:15:08,360
Speaker 1: gracious and merciful, Like we don't do it with the

1343
01:15:08,479 --> 01:15:12,160
Speaker 1: intent to ask for revenge or demand something that we

1344
01:15:12,280 --> 01:15:15,640
Speaker 1: know we quite frankly won't get, like reparations. What we

1345
01:15:15,800 --> 01:15:19,880
Speaker 1: do is tell stories and we laugh so we don't cry.

1346
01:15:20,479 --> 01:15:24,479
Speaker 1: Because it's not one day, especially within these past three weeks,

1347
01:15:24,520 --> 01:15:26,240
Speaker 1: that I have not wanted to cry or not held

1348
01:15:26,240 --> 01:15:28,360
Speaker 1: back my tears over the state of a country that

1349
01:15:28,439 --> 01:15:31,120
Speaker 1: we live in that doesn't respect us. Is because we

1350
01:15:31,160 --> 01:15:33,280
Speaker 1: are a little darker than they are. Like, if you

1351
01:15:33,320 --> 01:15:35,840
Speaker 1: think about it, just that simply, it's just that simple.

1352
01:15:36,520 --> 01:15:38,360
Speaker 1: I got more sun than you, so I don't matter

1353
01:15:38,439 --> 01:15:41,519
Speaker 1: as much. I have more melon in than youth, so

1354
01:15:41,800 --> 01:15:45,000
Speaker 1: I don't get to vote. My opinion doesn't matter. I

1355
01:15:45,120 --> 01:15:47,760
Speaker 1: have a vagina, so I'm considered not as smart. This

1356
01:15:47,880 --> 01:15:52,760
Speaker 1: country is fucked. And if we don't stay being as

1357
01:15:52,840 --> 01:15:56,000
Speaker 1: loud and proud as we are and being unapologetic about

1358
01:15:56,000 --> 01:16:02,120
Speaker 1: what's wrong in a very I believe thoughtful funny, that's

1359
01:16:02,120 --> 01:16:12,439
Speaker 1: subjective way. Clearly, yeah, clearly, subjectively. I just believe there's

1360
01:16:12,439 --> 01:16:15,320
Speaker 1: so much nuance about who we are as a people,

1361
01:16:15,720 --> 01:16:17,439
Speaker 1: like we can clearly make these jokes and be like,

1362
01:16:17,479 --> 01:16:19,320
Speaker 1: I'm a data black man or I'm a data white man,

1363
01:16:19,520 --> 01:16:21,719
Speaker 1: and I can't. I look, I feel like I'm damned

1364
01:16:21,720 --> 01:16:23,720
Speaker 1: if I do, damn if I don't. Do you ever

1365
01:16:23,800 --> 01:16:27,360
Speaker 1: feel that way? Like we can? We could be a

1366
01:16:27,479 --> 01:16:29,400
Speaker 1: writer and be out here and I won't freedom for

1367
01:16:29,479 --> 01:16:32,240
Speaker 1: my people. But let me show up with a blond

1368
01:16:32,320 --> 01:16:34,600
Speaker 1: man with blue eyes at the family. We're gonna be

1369
01:16:34,640 --> 01:16:40,200
Speaker 1: a biscuit. What about all the work I done did

1370
01:16:40,560 --> 01:16:45,000
Speaker 1: here in the streets. None of that matters that. But

1371
01:16:45,120 --> 01:16:47,479
Speaker 1: yet and still you you tell me to find my joy,

1372
01:16:47,640 --> 01:16:50,160
Speaker 1: which I am having a hard time finding. Well, you

1373
01:16:50,280 --> 01:16:54,280
Speaker 1: just have to find it in little spaces. And I

1374
01:16:54,400 --> 01:16:57,800
Speaker 1: did say it was in big spaces. I just said

1375
01:16:57,920 --> 01:17:00,560
Speaker 1: that it is there, right, And so I learned to

1376
01:17:00,600 --> 01:17:02,800
Speaker 1: do that though, too, because sometimes when you think about

1377
01:17:02,880 --> 01:17:06,280
Speaker 1: the world and the totality of problems, especially in this country,

1378
01:17:06,800 --> 01:17:09,120
Speaker 1: it can get overwhelming and you can get you can

1379
01:17:09,160 --> 01:17:12,120
Speaker 1: go to ninety real fast just thinking about it, um

1380
01:17:12,280 --> 01:17:13,960
Speaker 1: as you. And there are many days when I think

1381
01:17:13,960 --> 01:17:15,680
Speaker 1: about it, just like you, dude, like, ain't this a bit?

1382
01:17:16,200 --> 01:17:18,120
Speaker 1: Like I'm mad as hell? It ain't even ten am,

1383
01:17:18,200 --> 01:17:20,960
Speaker 1: And I'm like, how am I this angry? So what

1384
01:17:21,200 --> 01:17:23,679
Speaker 1: I try to do is just take a step back

1385
01:17:24,760 --> 01:17:29,960
Speaker 1: and and not just log off, but just appreciate little successes,

1386
01:17:30,160 --> 01:17:33,000
Speaker 1: like you know what I mean. Just we're talking about

1387
01:17:33,000 --> 01:17:35,320
Speaker 1: our profession, and I was saying, like, there are black

1388
01:17:35,400 --> 01:17:38,280
Speaker 1: women in our business and black women at home who

1389
01:17:38,520 --> 01:17:41,120
Speaker 1: never imagined that two black women could have a show

1390
01:17:41,240 --> 01:17:42,960
Speaker 1: like the kind of show that we have on Vice,

1391
01:17:43,080 --> 01:17:45,439
Speaker 1: Like I never thought that was even possible. I get

1392
01:17:45,479 --> 01:17:48,559
Speaker 1: the same joy when I see Melica Andrews pup pop

1393
01:17:48,680 --> 01:17:50,479
Speaker 1: up on the screen and I'm just like, she out

1394
01:17:50,520 --> 01:17:54,360
Speaker 1: here doing her thing and thank you, and I'm just

1395
01:17:54,439 --> 01:17:57,400
Speaker 1: so proud, or even like brown girls dream that should

1396
01:17:57,439 --> 01:17:59,439
Speaker 1: give you the joy, It does give you the joy.

1397
01:17:59,760 --> 01:18:04,160
Speaker 1: You changing these young women's lives. They are forever different

1398
01:18:04,240 --> 01:18:06,960
Speaker 1: because they came in contact with you and what you've

1399
01:18:07,000 --> 01:18:12,800
Speaker 1: exposed them to. And right now, because these systems are

1400
01:18:12,920 --> 01:18:17,080
Speaker 1: just so loyal to white supremacy or I don't know

1401
01:18:17,120 --> 01:18:19,920
Speaker 1: if it's white supremacy is loyal to these systems, we

1402
01:18:20,160 --> 01:18:22,760
Speaker 1: have to be able to take the joy in the

1403
01:18:22,880 --> 01:18:27,840
Speaker 1: lineage making the lineage different. Right, It's like I'm just

1404
01:18:27,920 --> 01:18:29,800
Speaker 1: trying to make it different. You're trying to make it

1405
01:18:29,920 --> 01:18:33,120
Speaker 1: different that you're hoping that the next black woman that

1406
01:18:33,200 --> 01:18:35,479
Speaker 1: comes through ESPN didn't have to put up with the

1407
01:18:35,520 --> 01:18:38,640
Speaker 1: ship that you put up with because you already did it, right.

1408
01:18:39,360 --> 01:18:43,800
Speaker 1: So that's all I'm trying to do now, is that.

1409
01:18:44,040 --> 01:18:46,280
Speaker 1: Because if I try to think about, well I need

1410
01:18:46,360 --> 01:18:49,880
Speaker 1: to break down the American policing system, I ain't gonna

1411
01:18:49,880 --> 01:18:52,280
Speaker 1: never I'm gonna be crying myself to sleep every night,

1412
01:18:52,479 --> 01:18:55,120
Speaker 1: all right, But I can take joy and the fact

1413
01:18:55,240 --> 01:18:59,360
Speaker 1: that I can see young black journalists that I have

1414
01:18:59,520 --> 01:19:02,400
Speaker 1: known and they were in the early twenties and didn't

1415
01:19:02,400 --> 01:19:05,320
Speaker 1: no ship. Now they're like becoming stars and I could

1416
01:19:05,320 --> 01:19:09,439
Speaker 1: be like whole ship I can't imagine. And there's joy

1417
01:19:09,520 --> 01:19:22,800
Speaker 1: and the fact that you're rich. What I listen, man,

1418
01:19:22,880 --> 01:19:24,320
Speaker 1: you don't want to just bought a new house. I'm

1419
01:19:24,320 --> 01:19:27,080
Speaker 1: just saying, yeah, so, yeah, so did you. It's joy

1420
01:19:27,240 --> 01:19:31,040
Speaker 1: in the fact that you out here out here buying

1421
01:19:31,479 --> 01:19:37,960
Speaker 1: buying big items, all cash. There is joy in that,

1422
01:19:38,160 --> 01:19:40,960
Speaker 1: and you know what, um on some real ship. I

1423
01:19:41,080 --> 01:19:44,640
Speaker 1: take joy in that because this is a level I

1424
01:19:44,760 --> 01:19:47,280
Speaker 1: have a level of financial freedom nobody in my family

1425
01:19:47,360 --> 01:19:50,479
Speaker 1: has ever experienced. Talk about that. Let's talk about that joy.

1426
01:19:53,160 --> 01:19:55,519
Speaker 1: That sounds like joining me. Let's talk about that joy.

1427
01:19:56,200 --> 01:19:58,360
Speaker 1: Let's talk about you. You get a check in your

1428
01:19:58,400 --> 01:19:59,920
Speaker 1: mother ain't made that in a whole year ever in

1429
01:20:00,000 --> 01:20:03,320
Speaker 1: your life. The first job that I had out of college,

1430
01:20:03,360 --> 01:20:07,959
Speaker 1: my mother never made that much money. Joy. Ancestors rejoice,

1431
01:20:08,720 --> 01:20:11,679
Speaker 1: ancestors rejoice. That's you know. One of the biggest moments

1432
01:20:11,720 --> 01:20:13,800
Speaker 1: of my life is when I brought my mother bands

1433
01:20:13,840 --> 01:20:16,080
Speaker 1: and paid cash for That was the biggest joy in

1434
01:20:16,120 --> 01:20:20,000
Speaker 1: my life. You rob my drawing and pay cash for it.

1435
01:20:20,160 --> 01:20:22,439
Speaker 1: I bout my MoMA bands and pay cash for I

1436
01:20:22,520 --> 01:20:26,080
Speaker 1: paying cash for everything I got. I ain't got no debt.

1437
01:20:26,760 --> 01:20:30,760
Speaker 1: I buy. White people, I went too far, always went

1438
01:20:30,840 --> 01:20:35,519
Speaker 1: step over over, I went too far. Okay, there are

1439
01:20:35,560 --> 01:20:39,439
Speaker 1: white sweet like, here's the disclaimer. These white people think, yeah,

1440
01:20:39,720 --> 01:20:43,160
Speaker 1: right here, we love whites. Let's just be clear. My

1441
01:20:43,320 --> 01:20:46,560
Speaker 1: closest friends, you know, remember basically there was some of

1442
01:20:46,680 --> 01:20:50,120
Speaker 1: my closest friends. Well, I think what white people have

1443
01:20:50,240 --> 01:20:52,479
Speaker 1: to understand is that when we say white people were

1444
01:20:52,520 --> 01:20:55,479
Speaker 1: not always referred to people were referring to white people

1445
01:20:55,520 --> 01:20:58,880
Speaker 1: as a system. Yeah, like, not as individual people. But

1446
01:20:58,960 --> 01:21:01,600
Speaker 1: you have to clarify that because they think it's individual

1447
01:21:01,680 --> 01:21:04,360
Speaker 1: a system in which holds us back, that wants it's oppressed,

1448
01:21:04,400 --> 01:21:06,720
Speaker 1: that doesn't want us to win the same system, the

1449
01:21:06,840 --> 01:21:10,360
Speaker 1: system of whiteness and white supremacy. That's what we're Yeah,

1450
01:21:10,560 --> 01:21:12,560
Speaker 1: and you got it. But why do we have to

1451
01:21:12,640 --> 01:21:14,720
Speaker 1: explain it? It should be so obvious? Now, why do

1452
01:21:14,840 --> 01:21:16,400
Speaker 1: we have to explain it? I'm okay, no, no, no,

1453
01:21:16,520 --> 01:21:18,400
Speaker 1: Let me stay on our joy, about my mama bands,

1454
01:21:18,400 --> 01:21:20,519
Speaker 1: about a household cash. Let me stay on our joy.

1455
01:21:20,720 --> 01:21:22,400
Speaker 1: Let me stay on our joy. Let me stay on

1456
01:21:22,479 --> 01:21:24,920
Speaker 1: our joy. With that being said, I think I'm gonna

1457
01:21:25,040 --> 01:21:29,639
Speaker 1: name this podcast. Progress is painful but purposeful because everything

1458
01:21:29,680 --> 01:21:34,680
Speaker 1: we discussed is truely talk a girl, Because everything we

1459
01:21:34,760 --> 01:21:41,639
Speaker 1: discuss our relationships evolving, leaving heartbreak, our our family, you know, trauma,

1460
01:21:42,360 --> 01:21:44,320
Speaker 1: and then our joy and then what are we doing?

1461
01:21:44,439 --> 01:21:47,040
Speaker 1: Why are we here? What is our platform? For? Progress?

1462
01:21:47,160 --> 01:21:50,920
Speaker 1: Is painful, but it's purposeful. I appreciate you. Can I

1463
01:21:51,000 --> 01:21:54,120
Speaker 1: borrow a dollar? Um, can I borrow dollar from you?

1464
01:21:55,080 --> 01:21:57,360
Speaker 1: Because you out here buying and buying and doing and

1465
01:21:57,439 --> 01:21:59,920
Speaker 1: doing and buying and buying. Lately, I just want you

1466
01:22:00,080 --> 01:22:05,160
Speaker 1: to know that this is season around this around what

1467
01:22:05,680 --> 01:22:07,320
Speaker 1: we didn't get the water here in fixt shack. What

1468
01:22:10,120 --> 01:22:12,559
Speaker 1: you know, I'm just saying it might be a there

1469
01:22:12,640 --> 01:22:15,320
Speaker 1: might be a Jacuzy coming. That's all I'm oh. I'm

1470
01:22:15,400 --> 01:22:17,880
Speaker 1: on my way. I'm on my way. Okay. So here's

1471
01:22:18,880 --> 01:22:21,280
Speaker 1: here's my my last update. What are we working on?

1472
01:22:21,400 --> 01:22:23,919
Speaker 1: How is your network coming? Your podcast network with Spotify?

1473
01:22:24,040 --> 01:22:28,360
Speaker 1: Is that? Is that coming soon? What are we doing? Okay? Well,

1474
01:22:28,840 --> 01:22:30,680
Speaker 1: the only thing I will say is that I will

1475
01:22:30,720 --> 01:22:33,120
Speaker 1: tell people, yes, there is a network that is coming.

1476
01:22:33,680 --> 01:22:38,719
Speaker 1: It is UM for Black Women, UM by Black women, Okay,

1477
01:22:39,280 --> 01:22:42,400
Speaker 1: and so of course everybody else is welcome to the party.

1478
01:22:42,479 --> 01:22:48,000
Speaker 1: But the entire point of it is to explore content

1479
01:22:48,640 --> 01:22:54,800
Speaker 1: that UM, you know, really emphasizes our dimensions, are nuances,

1480
01:22:54,920 --> 01:22:58,639
Speaker 1: our stories, our joy, our pain, our trauma, like all

1481
01:22:58,720 --> 01:23:02,080
Speaker 1: of it, right, and so UM you know, we'll have

1482
01:23:02,280 --> 01:23:07,840
Speaker 1: a set of podcasts that with content that reflects who

1483
01:23:07,920 --> 01:23:11,360
Speaker 1: we are in our totality. So I'm really excited about it. UM.

1484
01:23:11,600 --> 01:23:14,479
Speaker 1: I have more to announce on that, hopefully soon. But

1485
01:23:15,560 --> 01:23:17,320
Speaker 1: the genesis of it, I can't wait till I join

1486
01:23:17,439 --> 01:23:19,559
Speaker 1: because what I'm gonna do is a podcast that's called

1487
01:23:19,640 --> 01:23:24,360
Speaker 1: either It's My Vagina or This is How I Love. Yes,

1488
01:23:24,479 --> 01:23:27,400
Speaker 1: I'm ready, it's it's gonna be either or it's gonna

1489
01:23:27,439 --> 01:23:30,000
Speaker 1: be It's my Vagina or this is How I Love

1490
01:23:30,080 --> 01:23:33,960
Speaker 1: and It's my Vagina will be past boyfriends. Um, those

1491
01:23:34,000 --> 01:23:38,680
Speaker 1: are two wildly different concepts. I am diverse, I have,

1492
01:23:39,720 --> 01:23:41,680
Speaker 1: I am never allowed me to evolve. Let me be

1493
01:23:41,800 --> 01:23:44,560
Speaker 1: the woman I am. I am. I'm here for it.

1494
01:23:44,960 --> 01:23:47,680
Speaker 1: And then you just entered into a content deal with

1495
01:23:48,560 --> 01:23:52,600
Speaker 1: our former boss, Skip Skipper, h John Skipper and and

1496
01:23:53,160 --> 01:23:55,320
Speaker 1: Dan Lebotard And what will that look like for you?

1497
01:23:56,000 --> 01:23:59,240
Speaker 1: So I am serving in an advisory capacity. There are

1498
01:23:59,320 --> 01:24:02,560
Speaker 1: some projects that we will be working on together and

1499
01:24:02,760 --> 01:24:05,439
Speaker 1: I'm excited. I mean, as you know from your personal

1500
01:24:05,760 --> 01:24:09,240
Speaker 1: um relationship with Skipper when we were all at ESPN,

1501
01:24:09,640 --> 01:24:12,320
Speaker 1: Skipper was a really big champion of diversity and a

1502
01:24:12,400 --> 01:24:16,320
Speaker 1: really big champion of black people and just in you know,

1503
01:24:16,479 --> 01:24:19,599
Speaker 1: just putting us in positions of success and so um,

1504
01:24:20,240 --> 01:24:23,960
Speaker 1: you know our our my relationship with Skipper, Um has

1505
01:24:24,280 --> 01:24:26,160
Speaker 1: It's been a long one now I think about it,

1506
01:24:26,880 --> 01:24:28,720
Speaker 1: and yeah, it got a little calm. You guys are

1507
01:24:29,120 --> 01:24:33,760
Speaker 1: you guys are forever connected we are forever connected. We

1508
01:24:33,840 --> 01:24:37,680
Speaker 1: never we never. I never lost respect for him when

1509
01:24:37,760 --> 01:24:42,720
Speaker 1: all Trump bullshit happened. Now he's because look, yeah we

1510
01:24:42,880 --> 01:24:45,160
Speaker 1: we didn't see eye to eye on everything. Yeah, I mean,

1511
01:24:46,040 --> 01:24:47,680
Speaker 1: but I never lost respect for him at all. That

1512
01:24:48,200 --> 01:24:52,640
Speaker 1: he's he's somebody. There are not many people in his

1513
01:24:52,760 --> 01:24:56,280
Speaker 1: position that you feel like are real folk, and he

1514
01:24:56,479 --> 01:25:01,200
Speaker 1: is a real person. Here's what's interesting. You're you've always

1515
01:25:01,240 --> 01:25:02,720
Speaker 1: been ahead of the curve and the things that you're

1516
01:25:02,760 --> 01:25:04,400
Speaker 1: doing now, you've always been ahead of the curve. And

1517
01:25:04,479 --> 01:25:08,000
Speaker 1: I and I say it like it's like, um, I'm

1518
01:25:08,040 --> 01:25:10,519
Speaker 1: talking about one of my units on my head, like you,

1519
01:25:12,280 --> 01:25:16,760
Speaker 1: it's cute today. You when you're the first, it comes

1520
01:25:16,840 --> 01:25:20,120
Speaker 1: with it comes with cuts, and it definitely comes with bruises.

1521
01:25:20,479 --> 01:25:23,520
Speaker 1: And for you to call the president a white supremacist

1522
01:25:24,400 --> 01:25:27,240
Speaker 1: was water was wet, and now everyone says it like

1523
01:25:27,360 --> 01:25:31,600
Speaker 1: it's no big deal. So when you're the first and

1524
01:25:31,760 --> 01:25:36,960
Speaker 1: you are a double minority, you have to deal with

1525
01:25:37,200 --> 01:25:39,760
Speaker 1: so much. But only you could have had dealt with that.

1526
01:25:40,240 --> 01:25:43,439
Speaker 1: Everybody wasn't cut for that, which goes back to you,

1527
01:25:44,320 --> 01:25:49,320
Speaker 1: I think, and your toughness and your and your ability

1528
01:25:49,360 --> 01:25:50,840
Speaker 1: to learn to be vulnerable because you didn't have to

1529
01:25:50,880 --> 01:25:53,840
Speaker 1: be that vulnerable. I remember I would call you crying

1530
01:25:53,840 --> 01:25:57,040
Speaker 1: and you'd be like, yeah, girl, I'll call you back, like, oh, okay,

1531
01:25:57,080 --> 01:26:01,519
Speaker 1: I guess we're not sad today. Let's let's drake yeahs like,

1532
01:26:01,640 --> 01:26:03,880
Speaker 1: but I'm so sad. They're so mean to you. You're like,

1533
01:26:04,720 --> 01:26:08,280
Speaker 1: that's cool, these people, it's gonna be yeah, that like that.

1534
01:26:08,479 --> 01:26:10,920
Speaker 1: That don't bother me. But it's no, it doesn't, Yeah

1535
01:26:10,960 --> 01:26:12,600
Speaker 1: it doesn't. You're good like that. All right, Well I

1536
01:26:12,640 --> 01:26:16,040
Speaker 1: don't you go all right? You just like these uh

1537
01:26:16,240 --> 01:26:18,000
Speaker 1: you know that I really have black people get off

1538
01:26:18,000 --> 01:26:20,560
Speaker 1: of things you're supposed to say, like I gotta go

1539
01:26:20,680 --> 01:26:24,160
Speaker 1: tick on my plant. Let be uh yeah, well listen

1540
01:26:24,240 --> 01:26:26,519
Speaker 1: to close this door right quick and let me close

1541
01:26:26,560 --> 01:26:29,000
Speaker 1: your door. I'll call you back. Or you know what,

1542
01:26:29,240 --> 01:26:31,360
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pray for you. And that's the prayer. And

1543
01:26:31,439 --> 01:26:34,920
Speaker 1: that means I'm a prayer to stop talking about your people.

1544
01:26:35,240 --> 01:26:39,920
Speaker 1: And that was the prayer. That was the prayer. Don't

1545
01:26:39,920 --> 01:26:42,240
Speaker 1: ask you that else, you got it? Um. I love you,

1546
01:26:42,680 --> 01:26:46,000
Speaker 1: I adore you, And think about the two ideas I

1547
01:26:46,040 --> 01:26:48,280
Speaker 1: pitched to you. Okay, because I can do another podcast

1548
01:26:48,360 --> 01:26:51,040
Speaker 1: called It's My vagina or how I love just uh,

1549
01:26:51,120 --> 01:26:54,639
Speaker 1: it sounds like the best seller. I'm sure everybody would

1550
01:26:54,680 --> 01:26:59,559
Speaker 1: love to know a vaage. I think so probably. All right,

1551
01:27:02,520 --> 01:27:06,519
Speaker 1: you guys, I listen, there are too many vagina jokes.

1552
01:27:06,880 --> 01:27:09,120
Speaker 1: There were entirely too many vagina jokes for me. I

1553
01:27:09,439 --> 01:27:12,680
Speaker 1: often that's my go to my vagina. I love it.

1554
01:27:12,720 --> 01:27:16,479
Speaker 1: I guess I don't know it's mine. Why not grappers

1555
01:27:16,520 --> 01:27:18,040
Speaker 1: talk about their penis all the time, how come I

1556
01:27:18,080 --> 01:27:21,400
Speaker 1: can't talk about my vagina. I do think that I

1557
01:27:21,520 --> 01:27:23,600
Speaker 1: am going to write a book about my life, and

1558
01:27:23,640 --> 01:27:28,599
Speaker 1: it's gonna it's going to be called bad Decisions, Great Stories,

1559
01:27:33,720 --> 01:27:37,920
Speaker 1: Bad decisions, Great stories that I'm laughing because yes, quite frankly,

1560
01:27:38,680 --> 01:27:43,280
Speaker 1: that would describe so many of my recent escapades. Get

1561
01:27:43,320 --> 01:27:46,439
Speaker 1: it Together, Carrie, UM. I hope you enjoyed this edition

1562
01:27:46,479 --> 01:27:50,560
Speaker 1: of the podcast. I think it's extremely important, and I

1563
01:27:50,640 --> 01:27:53,400
Speaker 1: mentioned this off top. I think it's extremely important that

1564
01:27:53,479 --> 01:27:58,479
Speaker 1: you understand the humanity in every single race. I believe

1565
01:27:58,560 --> 01:28:00,479
Speaker 1: the country is in the situation that in right now

1566
01:28:00,600 --> 01:28:03,240
Speaker 1: is because we don't see the humanness in others. We

1567
01:28:03,360 --> 01:28:06,679
Speaker 1: don't We don't look at someone and say, oh God,

1568
01:28:06,760 --> 01:28:08,920
Speaker 1: that's some pain, that they're dealing with that must hurt.

1569
01:28:10,040 --> 01:28:14,519
Speaker 1: Oftentimes we just judge them by what we think they are,

1570
01:28:14,680 --> 01:28:16,320
Speaker 1: how they dress, or how they look, or how they

1571
01:28:16,400 --> 01:28:18,880
Speaker 1: walk or how they talk. I remember watching a video,

1572
01:28:18,960 --> 01:28:22,360
Speaker 1: one of many videos, of a young black man with

1573
01:28:22,600 --> 01:28:25,840
Speaker 1: his kids and his wife, and they were at a

1574
01:28:26,600 --> 01:28:30,840
Speaker 1: mall in Virginia, I believe it was. I believe it

1575
01:28:30,920 --> 01:28:34,640
Speaker 1: was Virginia Beach, and the police officer just walked up

1576
01:28:34,640 --> 01:28:36,439
Speaker 1: to this young man and put him in handcuffs and

1577
01:28:36,479 --> 01:28:39,040
Speaker 1: took him away from his child, his two children, and

1578
01:28:39,160 --> 01:28:44,040
Speaker 1: his wife, and the wife had the wherewithal, although more

1579
01:28:44,080 --> 01:28:47,840
Speaker 1: than likely traumatized, to film all of it. And I

1580
01:28:47,960 --> 01:28:51,800
Speaker 1: remember hearing his voice and he was screaming and he

1581
01:28:51,960 --> 01:28:54,120
Speaker 1: was so angry. But I didn't hear screaming, and I

1582
01:28:54,160 --> 01:28:59,080
Speaker 1: didn't hear angry. I heard pain. I heard pain, I

1583
01:28:59,200 --> 01:29:02,439
Speaker 1: heard pane, And then I looked at the little kids

1584
01:29:02,479 --> 01:29:06,240
Speaker 1: and they were so sad, and the wife was so sad.

1585
01:29:06,360 --> 01:29:08,040
Speaker 1: But yet she still had to hold it together like

1586
01:29:08,120 --> 01:29:11,720
Speaker 1: we do as black women, and film at all. And

1587
01:29:11,800 --> 01:29:13,880
Speaker 1: while all this was happening, while she was calming her

1588
01:29:13,960 --> 01:29:16,240
Speaker 1: children down, and why she was trying to tell her

1589
01:29:16,360 --> 01:29:19,800
Speaker 1: husband just relax, please, don't don't do anything to get

1590
01:29:19,880 --> 01:29:23,800
Speaker 1: you murdered. She's holding a video camera, right, She's holding

1591
01:29:23,840 --> 01:29:28,439
Speaker 1: her phone taping all of this rather and then she's

1592
01:29:28,439 --> 01:29:31,599
Speaker 1: talking to the officer at the same time. Imagine all

1593
01:29:31,680 --> 01:29:35,040
Speaker 1: of those things happening, consoling your children, consoling your man,

1594
01:29:35,720 --> 01:29:38,000
Speaker 1: taking your phone, having to work with all the film

1595
01:29:38,040 --> 01:29:42,080
Speaker 1: at all, just in case, just in case he's murdered,

1596
01:29:42,520 --> 01:29:44,280
Speaker 1: and then at the same time talking to the officer

1597
01:29:44,360 --> 01:29:47,080
Speaker 1: and saying, what did he do? Please talk to us,

1598
01:29:47,280 --> 01:29:49,880
Speaker 1: please let him go, keeping her head and keeping calm.

1599
01:29:50,400 --> 01:29:56,080
Speaker 1: The level of trauma, I can't even understand it. And

1600
01:29:56,200 --> 01:29:59,679
Speaker 1: I bet there was no therapy after that, no therapy

1601
01:29:59,760 --> 01:30:03,640
Speaker 1: off at her thought, just go back home, have a

1602
01:30:03,680 --> 01:30:07,479
Speaker 1: glass of wine, and go back to work on Monday. Ship.

1603
01:30:07,680 --> 01:30:11,320
Speaker 1: That's hard. The reason why I wanted to give you

1604
01:30:11,400 --> 01:30:14,679
Speaker 1: the visual of this, this black woman with octopus arms,

1605
01:30:16,040 --> 01:30:18,720
Speaker 1: handling her kids, handling her husband who may or may

1606
01:30:18,760 --> 01:30:21,160
Speaker 1: not be shot by police, but definitely it's going out

1607
01:30:21,200 --> 01:30:24,760
Speaker 1: oft with cops who's having a melt down. Wow, she

1608
01:30:25,080 --> 01:30:28,599
Speaker 1: has the wherewithal to film it all, and then at

1609
01:30:28,640 --> 01:30:30,599
Speaker 1: the same time talks to the officer and asked calmly

1610
01:30:31,040 --> 01:30:33,680
Speaker 1: and a voice with respect and the respect she was

1611
01:30:33,720 --> 01:30:37,280
Speaker 1: not given. Why in the world did you just handcuff

1612
01:30:37,360 --> 01:30:39,040
Speaker 1: my husband while we were eating Chick fil a in

1613
01:30:39,080 --> 01:30:44,160
Speaker 1: the mall? And their response was quite simply, we're looking

1614
01:30:44,200 --> 01:30:49,519
Speaker 1: for a black man with dreadlocks? Are you fucking kidding me?

1615
01:30:50,439 --> 01:30:52,360
Speaker 1: So you can come up to me and disrupt my

1616
01:30:52,479 --> 01:30:57,040
Speaker 1: whole day, if not traumatize me and my children because

1617
01:30:57,080 --> 01:30:59,639
Speaker 1: you're looking for a black man with dreadlocks who's writing

1618
01:30:59,720 --> 01:31:04,040
Speaker 1: bad checks. I'm sorry, take a number. Look around you.

1619
01:31:04,960 --> 01:31:08,640
Speaker 1: There are a ton of black men with dreadlocks. I

1620
01:31:08,720 --> 01:31:11,599
Speaker 1: want to focus in on that mother, that black woman.

1621
01:31:13,640 --> 01:31:17,439
Speaker 1: Her tears didn't matter, her respect didn't matter, her using

1622
01:31:17,520 --> 01:31:21,479
Speaker 1: her calm voice didn't matter. None of those things mattered

1623
01:31:21,560 --> 01:31:25,360
Speaker 1: because they couldn't see the humanity in her, or her husband,

1624
01:31:25,960 --> 01:31:30,800
Speaker 1: or her little black babies. It is so important that

1625
01:31:31,000 --> 01:31:33,479
Speaker 1: we relate to people, no matter what race they are

1626
01:31:33,880 --> 01:31:36,040
Speaker 1: as if we want to be treated the same way.

1627
01:31:38,680 --> 01:31:41,640
Speaker 1: When you can't view me as someone who has a

1628
01:31:41,840 --> 01:31:45,280
Speaker 1: heart that beats, blood that flows, tears that come down

1629
01:31:45,360 --> 01:31:51,760
Speaker 1: my eyes, you don't understand what it means to traumatize

1630
01:31:51,840 --> 01:31:54,519
Speaker 1: me or my family to that level, and what happens

1631
01:31:54,560 --> 01:31:57,599
Speaker 1: for years and years to come. So when you wonder

1632
01:31:58,439 --> 01:32:01,960
Speaker 1: why two women like Jamal Hill myself have a show

1633
01:32:02,040 --> 01:32:04,240
Speaker 1: like won't stick to sports and go in and go in?

1634
01:32:04,760 --> 01:32:10,519
Speaker 1: Ship talk the way we talk, we're not talking about everybody,

1635
01:32:10,600 --> 01:32:12,559
Speaker 1: but we are telling you this is how life has

1636
01:32:12,600 --> 01:32:14,880
Speaker 1: treated us. This is how life has treated the people

1637
01:32:14,960 --> 01:32:17,560
Speaker 1: that we love, the people that look like us. And

1638
01:32:17,720 --> 01:32:20,280
Speaker 1: this is our view, this is our perspective, This is

1639
01:32:20,360 --> 01:32:26,080
Speaker 1: coming through our lens, our purview. You gotta understand it's

1640
01:32:26,160 --> 01:32:28,200
Speaker 1: not going to be the way you see it, whether

1641
01:32:28,200 --> 01:32:33,240
Speaker 1: you agree or disagree, it just won't be the humanity

1642
01:32:33,320 --> 01:32:38,160
Speaker 1: of it all. That's a nice word. It's a nice word.

1643
01:32:40,240 --> 01:32:45,719
Speaker 1: One day. My hope is that we all are truly

1644
01:32:45,800 --> 01:32:50,400
Speaker 1: creative equal, right. I don't see it, but I still hope.

1645
01:32:52,280 --> 01:32:54,600
Speaker 1: And I asked, Jamal, you heard me say, why do

1646
01:32:54,840 --> 01:32:58,720
Speaker 1: we still hope? Why do we still love? Why do

1647
01:32:58,840 --> 01:33:00,760
Speaker 1: we still care about a country that does not care

1648
01:33:00,760 --> 01:33:05,080
Speaker 1: about us? Why why are we fighting so hard for it?

1649
01:33:08,320 --> 01:33:11,639
Speaker 1: She answered it eloquently. I wouldn't win it. I heard

1650
01:33:11,680 --> 01:33:16,519
Speaker 1: that I wouldn't win it. But that's all we have

1651
01:33:16,680 --> 01:33:18,560
Speaker 1: to do. That's all we have left, that's all we

1652
01:33:18,680 --> 01:33:24,360
Speaker 1: can do. It's hope. I'm shaking my head. Yah, can't

1653
01:33:24,360 --> 01:33:29,559
Speaker 1: see me. I'm shaking my head. I don't know. I'm hopeful,

1654
01:33:30,680 --> 01:33:36,160
Speaker 1: depending on one day you catch me. I'm hopeful, I mean,

1655
01:33:36,160 --> 01:33:38,000
Speaker 1: because that's the only reason why I get up every day.

1656
01:33:38,080 --> 01:33:39,439
Speaker 1: That's the only reason why I do what I do.

1657
01:33:39,560 --> 01:33:41,640
Speaker 1: That's the only reason why I take to all of

1658
01:33:41,760 --> 01:33:45,599
Speaker 1: my platforms and talk that talk that y'all don't want

1659
01:33:45,600 --> 01:33:49,600
Speaker 1: to hear. Sometimes. That is truly the reason why I

1660
01:33:49,880 --> 01:33:52,200
Speaker 1: fight for my black man, and I fight for my

1661
01:33:52,280 --> 01:33:54,880
Speaker 1: black sister, and I fight for my black people because

1662
01:33:55,520 --> 01:33:59,439
Speaker 1: I have hope. Catch me on the wrong day. Though

1663
01:34:00,439 --> 01:34:04,400
Speaker 1: I got smoke. I just made that up. But that's

1664
01:34:04,560 --> 01:34:10,679
Speaker 1: a real, real story. I hoped you enjoyed this edition

1665
01:34:10,800 --> 01:34:13,719
Speaker 1: of Naked because one black girl sitting at the table

1666
01:34:14,080 --> 01:34:17,479
Speaker 1: reading a newspaper when she's eight years old. The other

1667
01:34:17,560 --> 01:34:21,280
Speaker 1: black girl sitting underneath the table, hiding and being quiet

1668
01:34:22,360 --> 01:34:28,080
Speaker 1: and making sure she don't piss her mommy off. But

1669
01:34:28,760 --> 01:34:31,120
Speaker 1: under those tables and at that table is where dreams

1670
01:34:31,120 --> 01:34:35,320
Speaker 1: were born, and today this is where the dreams are realized.

1671
01:34:36,360 --> 01:34:39,799
Speaker 1: Or just paying it back, making good on that promise

1672
01:34:39,920 --> 01:34:43,080
Speaker 1: right that all of us one day will be created equal,

1673
01:34:43,479 --> 01:34:47,280
Speaker 1: that hope that I just talked about. Go and do

1674
01:34:47,400 --> 01:34:51,000
Speaker 1: something good for somebody today. Give somebody a hug, somebody

1675
01:34:51,200 --> 01:34:56,760
Speaker 1: payer day coffee. Tell somebody they're smart, they're beautiful. You know.

1676
01:34:56,920 --> 01:34:59,439
Speaker 1: Hell cash apple black woman today. You know what I mean?

1677
01:35:00,000 --> 01:35:03,120
Speaker 1: This out on GP, just going on on Twitter, social media.

1678
01:35:03,360 --> 01:35:07,280
Speaker 1: Find somebody in cash apper. I'm at Carrie Champion. If

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01:35:07,280 --> 01:35:11,280
Speaker 1: you want to cash app me taking all moneys. Thank

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01:35:11,320 --> 01:35:13,639
Speaker 1: you for listening and talk to you all next week