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Speaker 1: This episode contains sensitive topics. Listener discretion is advice. What's up,

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Speaker 1: Professional Homegirls, It's your favorite professional homegirl here at Ebena,

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Speaker 1: and we are back with yet another inspiring conversation. Now

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Speaker 1: before again, let's do a little housekeeping. Okay, I'm introducing

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Speaker 1: a new series to the show that I'm super excited about. Now.

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Speaker 1: Y'all remember how much we loved our spooky series in October,

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Speaker 1: right right, Well, I thought it would be nice to

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Speaker 1: dedicate June to the men and have some men come

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Speaker 1: on the show and share their stories with us since

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Speaker 1: June is Men's Mental Health Awareness Month. So I can't

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Speaker 1: wait for you all to hear these stories, because baby,

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Speaker 1: the men are saying that they are professional homegirls. Okay. Oh,

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Speaker 1: and by the way, i dropped a new shirt on

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Speaker 1: this site and I'm so obsessed with it. It did

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Speaker 1: really well at the Black Effect Podcast Festival. And I'm

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Speaker 1: looking for a couple of professional homegirls to be a

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Speaker 1: part of this campaign that I'm working on. So if

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Speaker 1: you are the epitome of a professional homegirl, and like

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Speaker 1: I always say, they will never find another one, be better. Okay,

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Speaker 1: make sure to email me at Hello at thephgpodcast dot

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Speaker 1: com and don't forget to put in the subject line

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Speaker 1: pg campaign. Also, if you are looking to purchase your shirt,

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Speaker 1: the link would be in the show notes below. Okay, now,

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Speaker 1: In this week's episode, my guest texts on the journey

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Speaker 1: into her childhood, sharing the unimaginable contracting an STD from

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Speaker 1: her stepfather. As we journey through her past, she shed

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Speaker 1: lights on the intricate dynamics of her relationship with her

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Speaker 1: mother and how it shaped her perception of trust, especially

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Speaker 1: with black women. But the story doesn't end there. We

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Speaker 1: dive into the pivotal role of an organization that became

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Speaker 1: her beacon of hope, empowering her to seek justice years

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Speaker 1: later against her step father. Additionally, she reveals how her

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Speaker 1: daughter serve as a trigger for her igniting a new

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Speaker 1: found sense of resilience and determination. Join us as we

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Speaker 1: navigate this sensitive, yet vital conversation. My stepdad gave me

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Speaker 1: her bees starting now, So to my guests, thank you

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Speaker 1: so much for coming on the show. How you doing,

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Speaker 1: how you feeling?

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Speaker 2: Thanks for having me. I'm doing pretty well, a little nervous,

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Speaker 2: but I'm so happy to be here.

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Speaker 1: How you're nervous?

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Speaker 2: Girl? I'm just don't know. I'm just like really big

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Speaker 2: on perception. So you know it's a flaw.

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Speaker 1: Oh you live, you speaking your truth, so you don't

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Speaker 1: have nothing to worry about. Yeah, now, before it again,

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Speaker 1: I want to say happy birthday to you. I love birthdays, y'all.

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Speaker 1: Y'all know, so happy belated birthday.

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Speaker 2: Thank you so much. I was not expecting that. Thank you.

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Speaker 1: Not reflecting on your journey so far, what would you

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Speaker 1: say is the biggest lesson you learned about yourself and

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Speaker 1: life as you turn? You want to see your age? No, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm thirty eight, thirty eight, Come on, now, I've.

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Speaker 2: Learned that the hardest things that we can do is

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Speaker 2: go against what we think to be true.

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Speaker 1: And that was it right there, right, that was it?

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Speaker 2: Yeah. So I mean the more I talk about my story,

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Speaker 2: the more that'll show in like why I feel that

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Speaker 2: way turning thirty eight because I know this to me

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Speaker 2: was a transformative year thus far, and thirty seven was

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Speaker 2: my best year. So this year I'm like, I gotta

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Speaker 2: talk it somehow, which it's only up from here. So

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Speaker 2: I'm just really excited.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, listen, you know I cover a lot of traumatic stories. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 1: because a lot of us can relate to it. And

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Speaker 1: you know, I feel like I have covered every traumatic

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Speaker 1: story that you can think of, because for me and

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Speaker 1: my platform, it's important for people to see themselves and

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Speaker 1: you know, just in everyday life, because you be thinking

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Speaker 1: you're the only one that's going through something, where there's

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Speaker 1: somebody else that's going through the exact same thing. And

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Speaker 1: when I came across your story, I was just like wow,

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Speaker 1: Like I it's only a couple of stories that really

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Speaker 1: get to me, and this was one of them because

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Speaker 1: and we'll get into it when the time comes, but

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Speaker 1: I would just wow, just wow. So I'm so happy

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Speaker 1: that you I hear. I know your story is going

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Speaker 1: to be a blessing. I know a lot of people

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Speaker 1: are gonna feel even more stronger and we will be

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Speaker 1: able to see it through because of you. So thank

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Speaker 1: you for real for being a part of the show.

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Speaker 2: Oh you're making me blush.

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Speaker 1: Now has your stepfather always been in your life or

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Speaker 1: did he come to your life at the age of five?

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Speaker 2: He was with my mother starting at the age of two.

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Speaker 1: Oh, Okay, age of.

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Speaker 2: Five is whenever we all began to live under the

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Speaker 2: same roof.

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Speaker 1: Okay, where was your dad.

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Speaker 2: At I did not know. There really wasn't much of

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Speaker 2: a relationship that I can remember. He has been the

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Speaker 2: only father type figure that was present to the best

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Speaker 2: of my life.

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Speaker 1: And you still haven't gotten in contact with your father

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Speaker 1: as of yet. No, ma'am, or do you know who

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Speaker 1: he is?

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Speaker 2: I know this is crazy.

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Speaker 1: If you don't feel comfortable given too much, then you

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Speaker 1: don't have to. No.

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Speaker 2: Oh, it's it's completely okay. No.

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Speaker 1: Uh.

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Speaker 2: The only contact that I've had with my actual birth father,

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Speaker 2: I know his name because my my the brother under me,

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Speaker 2: is his junior. So okay, but I couldn't tell you

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Speaker 2: his last name, I mean, his birthday. I couldn't tell

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Speaker 2: you what he looked like. I physically have not come

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Speaker 2: face to face with this man. And you know, through

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Speaker 2: his own journey, you know, drug use and starting his

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Speaker 2: own life. You know, he made certain decisions and unfortunately,

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Speaker 2: you know it was me and my siblings.

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Speaker 1: Right. So do you remember anything about your childhood, like

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Speaker 1: any good before everything started? Uh?

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Speaker 2: Yes, I would say, like I've had periods of good

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Speaker 2: that occurred prior to the abuse, and for which is

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Speaker 2: kind of unfortunate, because I have memories of abuse before him.

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Speaker 1: Before your stepfather, yes, oh wow, yes, in your family.

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Speaker 2: No, I can remember my mother having me and my

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Speaker 2: siblings at the time, she just had me and my

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Speaker 2: two younger brothers and we all have the same father,

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Speaker 2: so she didn't really have sustainable housing. She was nineteen

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Speaker 2: when she had me. She dropped out of ninth grade.

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Speaker 2: Really wasn't, you know, the most intellectual, you know, based

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Speaker 2: on her schooling, and so I can just remember us

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Speaker 2: being over her friend's house with their kids, and that's

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Speaker 2: when abuse would occur, just leaving us. And you know,

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Speaker 2: I can't tell you what it was for I was

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Speaker 2: so young.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but I know.

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Speaker 2: Now as an adult it wasn't to get a job

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Speaker 2: to provide housing for us. So my happy moments in

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Speaker 2: childhood would be basically in Pittsburgh, it's called Jubilee Kitchen,

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Speaker 2: and that's where the homeless go to get food, and

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Speaker 2: the Salvation Army actually had living quarters where people can

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Speaker 2: come and stay, and I remember the building and everything,

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Speaker 2: and I could just remember walking from a Salvation Army

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Speaker 2: to Jubilee Kitchen and just the route, the environment, seeing

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Speaker 2: the people, the sounds, because we really didn't get to

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Speaker 2: go anywhere all right, so you outside engaging with people, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: seeing what is So those were my early introductions of

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Speaker 2: like public getting public like help in that aspect because

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Speaker 2: it's a different type of environment. It's not like going

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Speaker 2: to Denny's. So just that way.

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Speaker 1: Pause, you used to go to Denny's. No, it's funny

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Speaker 1: that you said that, because when I was a kid,

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Speaker 1: I used to love going to Denny's because Denny's has

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Speaker 1: the best cope founding drinks, like thet drinks were. I mean,

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Speaker 1: they still might have the ship not good for you,

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Speaker 1: but I'm talking about the founding dreams used to be

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Speaker 1: so crisp, to the point you you had to be like.

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Speaker 2: That's like real locked.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, that sound was like oh ship, diddies,

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Speaker 1: but yeah, go ahead.

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Speaker 2: So like the staff that worked out the Salvation Army,

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Speaker 2: they were very nice and polite. I have the very

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Speaker 2: few photos that I have as a child is one

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Speaker 2: where we were at the Salvation or me and I

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Speaker 2: was playing with my younger brother, well my youngest sibling.

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Speaker 1: All right, but yeah, so what is it's only three

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Speaker 1: of y'all? You and your two brothers.

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Speaker 2: No, me and my two brothers share father. And then

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Speaker 2: there's my youngest uh sibling, which.

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Speaker 1: Is your stepfather's son. Yes, that's right, because you're the

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Speaker 1: only girl I am, I get research on you. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that was right.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: Another reason why I think your story is so significant

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Speaker 1: and obviously unfortunately, is because the role that your mom

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Speaker 1: played in it. And I don't want to jump ahead

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Speaker 1: because we're gonna I have a whole section for her. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and respectfully, but do you think your mom was on drugs?

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Speaker 1: Or what's she on drugs?

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Speaker 2: And you know what, out of all my years of living,

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Speaker 2: I got asked that in my early thirties, somebody asked me, like,

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Speaker 2: so your stepdad was doing drugs? You don't think your

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Speaker 2: mom was right? And I couldn't give an answer because

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Speaker 2: if it's something I'm used to in the environment, I'm

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Speaker 2: not gonna to tell the difference of what's what because

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Speaker 2: I didn't know he was on drugs, because I don't

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Speaker 2: know what to look for like that, if there's erratic

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Speaker 2: behavior that's accustomed to, I can't decipher the difference between it.

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Speaker 2: So I wouldn't put it past her. No, absolutely not.

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Speaker 2: But I don't know.

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Speaker 1: So how did you first recognize that that that the

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Speaker 1: behavior your stepfather was abusive because you were so young.

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Speaker 1: So what made you feel like this is not right?

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Speaker 2: What in regards to which part? Because this is all

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Speaker 2: forms of abuse occurring, So I need you to be

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Speaker 2: a tabit more specific.

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about the sexual abuse, but he was physically

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Speaker 1: abusing you as well.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we grew up. Me and my siblings grew

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Speaker 2: up in it was ridiculous. My sexual abuse was I

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Speaker 2: wouldn't say the least of our worries, but we've all

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Speaker 2: dealt with some form of abuse under that house. I'm

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Speaker 2: just able to tell my portion of what happened.

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Speaker 1: Hmmm. I'm just curious. Have you and your siblings talked

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Speaker 1: about this? I know the young if i'm I'm assuming

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Speaker 1: the younger sibling, which is your stepfather's son.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: There's some friction between y'all.

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Speaker 2: There is now. So the way things work is, whenever

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Speaker 2: I decided I was going to go after him criminally,

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Speaker 2: when I found out I could.

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Speaker 1: First of all, let's.

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Speaker 2: Get that out there because I didn't know all these years.

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Speaker 1: But I'll be don't get to that part too, because

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna get here. I want to hear your thoughts

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Speaker 1: on some things. That's going on right now, but go ahead.

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Speaker 2: But I ended up having to tell each of my

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Speaker 2: siblings in different times, and each time it was it

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Speaker 2: was it was just different occasions. So my brother, he

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Speaker 2: had just getting out of prison and he was trying

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Speaker 2: to get the family back. His thing was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: let's get the family back together, and I'm like, that's

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Speaker 2: not going to work for me. And I had found

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Speaker 2: he was sending my mom photos of my daughter, my kids,

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Speaker 2: and I had to let him know because he didn't

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Speaker 2: know I was on the time because I knew it

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Speaker 2: was something heavy, and I was worried about their psyche,

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Speaker 2: and so I told him lost it.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 2: They all had their own individual responses. But what I

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Speaker 2: did gather from talking to each of them individually and

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Speaker 2: one on one, is that I was able to put

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Speaker 2: pieces in the gaps of their story. They weren't sure

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Speaker 2: why certain things were occurring in regards to how I

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Speaker 2: was being treated or the behaviors in the household. Because

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Speaker 2: to have a man and a woman fighting over the

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Speaker 2: sexual abuse he's doing to her daughter, that's not going

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Speaker 2: to be a pleasant experience. So she's not being she

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Speaker 2: wasn't being mindful, like, oh, the boys might hear us

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Speaker 2: or whatever it was, like, whatever she felt like talking about,

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Speaker 2: she was going to you know, it was gonna come

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Speaker 2: on right right. So, and then my other brother I

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Speaker 2: picked him up from prison and told him on a

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Speaker 2: ride back to Pittsburgh and then.

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Speaker 1: By us that ride geez okay.

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Speaker 2: And then my youngest sibling, I actually, you know, had

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Speaker 2: him come to my house and we sat in my

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Speaker 2: driveway and I told him what was going on in

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Speaker 2: and my position with his father. And you know, that

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Speaker 2: conversation was one I will always remember. But it's the

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Speaker 2: actions after that that really caused the estrangement between me

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Speaker 2: and him to this day.

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Speaker 1: And why would you always remember that one?

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Speaker 2: Because out of all of us, based on my abuse

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Speaker 2: and what occurred at twelve, you know, we'll talk about it.

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Speaker 2: I was more of a mother figure to him, yeah,

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Speaker 2: than his older sister at that point, because I was

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Speaker 2: able to see who our mother was and I knew

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Speaker 2: exactly who his father was.

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Speaker 1: It's like you was protecting him in a sense.

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Speaker 2: I was. I was, I thought I was at least,

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Speaker 2: but you know, people make their own decisions. Were you

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Speaker 2: the only one that was being sexually abuse by my

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Speaker 2: stepfather to my acknowledgment. Yes. However, in these conversations I

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Speaker 2: did learn that my brothers have experienced some form of

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Speaker 2: sexual trauma, whether it was a rape inside our house

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Speaker 2: with an unknown assailant, don't know who it was, or

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Speaker 2: if it was with one of the friends that would

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Speaker 2: come over and stay the night. So they have stories,

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Speaker 2: and I'm sure there's things I don't even know. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I don't put it past anything at this point. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Wow, you know that is heartbreaking because a lot of

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Speaker 1: a lot of the shit just be put up on kids.

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Speaker 1: And then that's why we got fucked up as individuals

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Speaker 1: because the ship that they didn't even ask for.

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Speaker 2: Nope, didn't even ask to be here, or the responsibility

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Speaker 2: and to be manipulated the way we were is children

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Speaker 2: until today. Honestly, it's scary.

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Speaker 1: It's really scary.

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Speaker 2: It's extremely scary.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Like even when you got your kids at school,

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Speaker 1: like kids would do a little things like yeah, right.

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Speaker 2: Early as pre k, my daughter comes back and she's,

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Speaker 2: you know, talking to me about things, and I'm familiar

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Speaker 2: with some of the little kids in the room and

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Speaker 2: their their backgrounds with their parents. So whenever she's coming

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Speaker 2: to me a little bit more mature information. I'm able

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Speaker 2: to pinpoint. Okay, I know exactly where this is coming from,

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Speaker 2: and we need to shut it down because she thinks

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Speaker 2: it's innocent. But it's just like it could be something

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Speaker 2: way worse.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, were there any warning signs or red flash that

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Speaker 1: you now recognize in hindsight that could have stopped the

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Speaker 1: abuse a little earlier? I mean, it's only so much

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Speaker 1: you could have done because you're a child, But just

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Speaker 1: for anybody else that's like, that's going to be listening

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Speaker 1: to this conversation, because I do feel like, like you said,

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Speaker 1: your daughter coming back as a pre k and she's

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Speaker 1: saying certain things, It's like where you get that from?

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Speaker 1: Like that's kind of like weird. Yeah, well, I would

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Speaker 1: say the signs looking back now would in my eyes

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Speaker 1: be considered like grooming, and the grooming I experienced it

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Speaker 1: kind of enmeshed with his role as my stepfather and

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Speaker 1: me as his only daughter. He used that as his

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Speaker 1: way to get closer to me, like he was his princess.

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Speaker 2: Basically, there's a photo that I use on my you

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Speaker 2: know when I tell my story, where you'll see me

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Speaker 2: I'm smiling right next and we're cheesing the in the

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Speaker 2: phoco booth, you know. And this is before it started

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Speaker 2: to happen, So the innocence of that relationship was tarnished

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Speaker 2: because again he used that as a way to get

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Speaker 2: close to me, being able to be in proximity touch wise,

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Speaker 2: he would reward me for things, give me gifts, and

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Speaker 2: it would be guys under you know, she's the only girl,

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Speaker 2: she's the you know, I don't. I don't want to

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Speaker 2: repeat my nickname, so never, but yeah, so it would

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Speaker 2: be used in that aspect and the touching would get

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Speaker 2: a little bit more tense. So that brings us to

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Speaker 2: like five years old whenever we are finally alone, because

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Speaker 2: prior to that, my stepfather I knew to be in

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Speaker 2: jail and I can only remember because my mom would

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Speaker 2: be at the payphone get these calls at specific times

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Speaker 2: in the day. So he didn't actually live with us.

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Speaker 2: And even when we moved into our own place, as

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Speaker 2: many may know, whenever you live in low income housing,

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Speaker 2: they don't expect the man to be present, so he

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Speaker 2: was cover technically supposed to be there, right, He was

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Speaker 2: able to hide under that as well. So when things

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Speaker 2: crossed the line where he you know, made his move

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Speaker 2: was when we finally got our own place to live,

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Speaker 2: and me and my two younger siblings were on a

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Speaker 2: queen size mattress, so we're, you know, spread out, we're young,

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Speaker 2: we're small, and my baby brother at the time was

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Speaker 2: in the bed with my mom and my stepfather had

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Speaker 2: come from where they were to this main area in

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Speaker 2: the living room, and I can remember the light coming on,

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Speaker 2: and I can remember the light coming off, and I

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Speaker 2: can hear his footsteps, but then they stop at me.

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Speaker 2: So he proceeds to reach under the cover into my clothing,

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Speaker 2: and that's where I started to see that this isn't

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Speaker 2: okay because I've never been touched like this by him,

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Speaker 2: and it's making me humfort especially by a man big hands,

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Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying. Five My daughter's about to

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Speaker 2: be five. I look at her every day and it's

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Speaker 2: like a trigger, big hands and starting to grab on

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Speaker 2: me to where I do defend myself. And he got

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Speaker 2: so startled by my position of like no, I don't

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Speaker 2: want that, that he scattered off, you know, to the room.

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Speaker 2: So I you know, at that time, you don't think

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Speaker 2: it's going to keep happening, right, But I knew from

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Speaker 2: that moment that he wasn't a safe person at all.

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Speaker 1: And I feel like some other tactics that he will

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Speaker 1: use was like when you he'll put you on punishment

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Speaker 1: a lot.

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Speaker 2: Oh that's later, that's after it's full blown sexual abuse,

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Speaker 2: and he's like getting creative with how to keep me

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Speaker 2: close in vicinity to him so he can get to

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Speaker 2: me because I did tell my mom.

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Speaker 1: Would you say your mom about it the first time?

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Speaker 2: I can't say it was the first time. And this

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Speaker 2: is how I want to point out how our brains

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Speaker 2: as childhood trauma survivors, how we can reimagine history and

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Speaker 2: detect people all my life that I can remember. I

355
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Speaker 2: swear to you, I thought I told my mom at

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Speaker 2: ten years old. It wasn't until she confessed, gave statement whatever,

357
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Speaker 2: later on into the investigation that I found out it

358
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Speaker 2: was five and I was crushed. I was crying to

359
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Speaker 2: learn that about myself, you know. So she knew on

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Speaker 2: set whether it was one time, two time, three times,

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Speaker 2: it went on for seven years.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know.

364
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Speaker 1: When I was listening to your story, I'm like, yo,

365
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Speaker 1: your mom was looking at you like you was the

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Speaker 1: other woman one hundred percent like and then as a child,

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Speaker 1: a kid at that sad.

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Speaker 2: It's so sad, And as a kid, I'm just like,

369
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Speaker 2: why is she? Why is she met at me? First

370
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Speaker 2: of all, like you're angry at me. I'm trying to exist,

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Speaker 2: And it's like I must have already had distrust within

372
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Speaker 2: me because if I'd already told you, nothing happened, because

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Speaker 2: I can remember him telling her what I want to do?

374
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Speaker 2: Was her what would I want to do with that

375
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Speaker 2: little girl? Like come on, like, what do you mean

376
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Speaker 2: I don't want her? Like that's nasty? Like how could

377
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Speaker 2: you look at me like that? And he did exactly

378
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Speaker 2: what he told me he was going to do when

379
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Speaker 2: I told him I was going to tell and it

380
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Speaker 2: worked out exactly how he told me it was going

381
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Speaker 2: to work out.

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Speaker 1: And did you believe him when he told you?

383
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Speaker 2: No? I thought my mom was going to be my mother.

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Speaker 1: This episode contains sensitive topics listener discretion as advice, what's

385
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Speaker 1: your mom's background? Do you know anything about what's going

386
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Speaker 1: what happened to her? Respectfully? But as a woman giving

387
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Speaker 1: birth to a child, like you're gonna protect your babies,

388
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Speaker 1: like it gotta come to a point where you're gonna

389
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Speaker 1: pick your children over everything. So for her to allow this,

390
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Speaker 1: and like you know, I was. I think you even

391
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:01,040
Speaker 1: said it in one of your and one of your

392
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Speaker 1: stories that you used to hear her and him arguing,

393
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Speaker 1: and you would hear her say why her, why not me?

394
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Speaker 1: So for her to even vocalize that lets me know,

395
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Speaker 1: like something must have really had, something fucked up, must

396
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Speaker 1: have really happened to her that broke her.

397
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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's generational for sure. Her her her story, her

398
00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:30,520
Speaker 2: abuse came from uncle and her mother's mother. So my

399
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:33,840
Speaker 2: grandmother's I don't really have a tie to like family,

400
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:39,119
Speaker 2: so I'm not good with the lineage talking. So her

401
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:47,760
Speaker 2: mother's her uncle abused her, and instead of them protecting her,

402
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:54,879
Speaker 2: they protected him. Because I talked to his daughter later on,

403
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Speaker 2: who let me know, like that's what he was doing,

404
00:23:57,080 --> 00:24:01,560
Speaker 2: that's what he did, Like he was perverse and he

405
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:05,199
Speaker 2: was protected by the family. And yeah, so you know

406
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:10,200
Speaker 2: what a such a stunted education. You know, her own

407
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:14,280
Speaker 2: trauma that she's dealing with, she had to survive however

408
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:16,760
Speaker 2: she needed to, which you know, I can relate to

409
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Speaker 2: a certain extent. But where we crossed the line and

410
00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:22,280
Speaker 2: where things get a little off for me is where

411
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Speaker 2: she have has children and doesn't mother them.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Oh man, this reminds me of two stories. I

413
00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:35,960
Speaker 1: did a story about this lady. Her and her mom

414
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Speaker 1: are sisters, so her mom's right, yeah, my guess. She

415
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:45,119
Speaker 1: took a deep brother and said that, so, my guess,

416
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Speaker 1: my guest grandfather is also her father. And she was

417
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Speaker 1: saying how the family pretty much was like protecting the

418
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Speaker 1: men because incense is like really common within their family.

419
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Speaker 1: And I was just like wow, like and then then

420
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Speaker 1: the second stories about when you said that your mom

421
00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:06,800
Speaker 1: like her the mental her girl kind of like got stunned.

422
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Speaker 1: I did it the season premiere, My father's mistress killed

423
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Speaker 1: my mother. And when this lady, my guess, when she

424
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:19,080
Speaker 1: was telling her story, you can hear like like she

425
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:22,439
Speaker 1: couldn't vocalize it, Like it's like she was like trying

426
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Speaker 1: to fight the words to come out and like for

427
00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:27,280
Speaker 1: some reason it just wouldn't come out, like and that

428
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:30,120
Speaker 1: was a very hard episode because when you can hear

429
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:39,400
Speaker 1: and physically see trauma, that's that's that's a lot it is. Yeah, yeah,

430
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:43,480
Speaker 1: so you yeah, it's it's a lot, man, it's a lot.

431
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Speaker 1: It's really heartbreaking because I mean, I'm pretty sure this

432
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Speaker 1: goes on in a lot of communities, but obviously it

433
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Speaker 1: hits different when it's somebody that looked.

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Speaker 2: Like you, absolutely, especially when you know the numbers of

435
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Speaker 2: what's not reported and talk about it viewed in society

436
00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:05,479
Speaker 2: like they no one really cares. And for her to

437
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:10,720
Speaker 2: be in the nineties, yeah, they're not. They're not checking

438
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:15,159
Speaker 2: for poor black girls getting raped and molested. They're not.

439
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:17,680
Speaker 2: And then and then let's take it back. Let's let's

440
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:22,200
Speaker 2: take accountability. They wasn't reporting it either, clearly, Yeah, they

441
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 2: weren't reporting it because they didn't want the man in

442
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:29,560
Speaker 2: their business based on you know, the relationships African Americans

443
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:33,120
Speaker 2: and police have, like that was dimmed from the beginning.

444
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:37,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, it's it's you know, don't get me started,

445
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:42,280
Speaker 1: because I'll be going because I get so emotional because

446
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:46,320
Speaker 1: like this ship is so deep. Like the way that

447
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:51,600
Speaker 1: they have came at black families, yes, and the way

448
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:53,919
Speaker 1: you can see how black families were affected by a

449
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:56,920
Speaker 1: lot of things that this society to have put on

450
00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,480
Speaker 1: us is it. It'll make you so angry read.

451
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 2: Very much, so very much, because again it's nothing we

452
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,840
Speaker 2: as people have asked or it's just like for whatever reason,

453
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:14,959
Speaker 2: because there's there's no reason that they do this stuff.

454
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:18,159
Speaker 2: So to know that there's already things in place to

455
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:22,400
Speaker 2: keep you in a certain place on a tote pole

456
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:25,760
Speaker 2: low and to try to fight in that just within

457
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:29,080
Speaker 2: your own community as well, it's just like the odds

458
00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:31,520
Speaker 2: are stacked against you. Oh yeah, the gold post is

459
00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:34,760
Speaker 2: gonna always keep moving, baby. That's why I said cheap.

460
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:37,480
Speaker 1: Okay.

461
00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:39,520
Speaker 2: Now.

462
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:41,399
Speaker 1: One of the things I love about your story is

463
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:43,719
Speaker 1: how you are very honest. And I don't think that

464
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:46,679
Speaker 1: a lot of people talk about this part because it

465
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:50,920
Speaker 1: is very confusing. But you mentioned that there were times

466
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:53,280
Speaker 1: when you felt confused because even though you did not

467
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:57,639
Speaker 1: want this, your body reacted, which is normal, and you

468
00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 1: had multiple orgasms. Why did you feel like that was

469
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:02,280
Speaker 1: necessary for you to share.

470
00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 2: That Because I dealt with the shame of it in

471
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:11,400
Speaker 2: me saying out loud and knowing I had a platform,

472
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 2: and definitely when I wasn't the only one. It just

473
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:20,240
Speaker 2: took me to take that lead because a lot of

474
00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:22,720
Speaker 2: things that I do discuss, like it's something that may

475
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:26,800
Speaker 2: I may have discussed in therapy, and I want to

476
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:29,000
Speaker 2: get it off of me and not in a sense

477
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:32,960
Speaker 2: of like trauma dumping but being like I just overcame this,

478
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:35,200
Speaker 2: How can I help the next person do the same

479
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:38,920
Speaker 2: without them having to get extensive therapy or maybe this

480
00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:43,160
Speaker 2: all unlock something within their healing. So yeah, Like, because

481
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 2: there's so much attached to your innocence and the experiences

482
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 2: that you get to have as a young lady, and

483
00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:58,160
Speaker 2: to be introduced to sex by a father figure, the

484
00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:02,400
Speaker 2: person you see every day, the father to your brother,

485
00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:08,840
Speaker 2: you know, and to have this man come in your

486
00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:14,200
Speaker 2: room and take advantage of that in a sense, and

487
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:17,600
Speaker 2: then to expose you to parts of your own self

488
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:22,120
Speaker 2: that you never even knew existed. It's very affusing, and

489
00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:27,800
Speaker 2: that follows you when it's not addressed because out of

490
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:34,000
Speaker 2: all my life, like, I've attached my sexual like experiences

491
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:37,400
Speaker 2: to that encounter because that's what I have that point

492
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:49,640
Speaker 2: of reference to. He yeah mm yeah, now where my

493
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:53,840
Speaker 2: first orgasm? Yes, But when it comes down to the

494
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:59,160
Speaker 2: actual experience, I was able to keep that for my

495
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 2: you know, later on life when I became a teenager

496
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:06,479
Speaker 2: on my board, I was able to experience that. But

497
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:10,080
Speaker 2: when it comes to law, and I learned that throughout

498
00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:15,360
Speaker 2: my process, penetration does not equate to rape. It's a

499
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:19,400
Speaker 2: form of rape. It's not the only definite what rape is, right,

500
00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:23,880
Speaker 2: so with what he had done to me, it was considered,

501
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:24,800
Speaker 2: well it is rape.

502
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:27,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it's definitely rape. Now, tell us about the

503
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:30,040
Speaker 1: day after your sixth grade promote graduation.

504
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:37,760
Speaker 2: So basically I was excited. You know, I'm twelve and

505
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 2: that's all. And this is crazy how I remember it

506
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:44,000
Speaker 2: because it's something is always attached to something that is

507
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:48,920
Speaker 2: very important to me. And for my sixth grade graduation,

508
00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:53,360
Speaker 2: like Fingerways was in. I got my finger Waves done.

509
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:56,680
Speaker 2: I did like I was like, oh, look at so

510
00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:02,840
Speaker 2: we didn't have to go to school. So because we graduated,

511
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:07,280
Speaker 2: we was done. Y'all done, y'all what y'all coming to

512
00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:10,720
Speaker 2: school for y'all mean? Okay, I'm going to kids school

513
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:15,280
Speaker 2: next year. So it was just a day, but I

514
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:17,920
Speaker 2: got to stay home because again I'm the oldest, so

515
00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 2: I'm there and my stepfather was there as well. And

516
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:27,640
Speaker 2: what happened was I get up and usual day for me,

517
00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:30,800
Speaker 2: you know, I go to the restroom and as I'm

518
00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:34,239
Speaker 2: trying to go to the bathroom, as soon as the

519
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:39,200
Speaker 2: p left my body, it immediately gave me the most

520
00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:43,600
Speaker 2: intense burning cessation obviously. Well, I can't say obviously that

521
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:45,560
Speaker 2: I had ever experienced.

522
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:46,800
Speaker 1: Right, because you never experienced it right.

523
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:50,440
Speaker 2: I've never had any issues. Now, I may have gotten

524
00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:54,280
Speaker 2: an accident where like I've hurt myself down there, but

525
00:31:54,600 --> 00:32:00,560
Speaker 2: it was definitely right. So it's just like it was

526
00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 2: just it's cruciating, so much so where I stopped pissing

527
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:08,200
Speaker 2: in my tracks. Okay, you know it's hard that first morning,

528
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 2: so it was hard to do, but I had to.

529
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:13,080
Speaker 2: But then I had to get it out. So I

530
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:17,960
Speaker 2: went through my our deal and I'm hysterical. I'm scared.

531
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:21,200
Speaker 2: I don't know what to do, and I'm crying out

532
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:25,600
Speaker 2: and my stepfather hears me, and I tell him what's

533
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:29,240
Speaker 2: going on, and he tells me get dressed. We're leaving,

534
00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:33,200
Speaker 2: and he takes me to the inner city hospital.

535
00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:35,280
Speaker 1: M and.

536
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:40,160
Speaker 2: I get there, they start to ask me questions. Mind you,

537
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:43,320
Speaker 2: I'm twelve, so it really just me blowing me when

538
00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 2: I hear back my own story to myself to be

539
00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:50,680
Speaker 2: like we're we're or we're people's minds. But I get

540
00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:55,560
Speaker 2: there and there's no adult with me. My stepfather takes

541
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:58,080
Speaker 2: me and leaves me, but he just dropped me off.

542
00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:02,400
Speaker 2: He he got me in there and he left. He

543
00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:05,280
Speaker 2: got about it there, so it was just me. It

544
00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:08,800
Speaker 2: was me with these nurses in the back, and I've

545
00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:12,240
Speaker 2: never had a gyn ofcologist exam, so I don't know

546
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:14,680
Speaker 2: what's going on. They're they're probing me down there. They're

547
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:20,080
Speaker 2: you know, a rake kid, you know, and they're asking

548
00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:23,000
Speaker 2: me so many questions like what's going on, like how

549
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:25,920
Speaker 2: did this happen to you? Like what's wrongs?

550
00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:28,120
Speaker 1: It different because the fact that it was doing all

551
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:30,120
Speaker 1: this and he had no parent with you, no grown person,

552
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 1: no nothing. You know, times were different back in the day.

553
00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:36,760
Speaker 2: They were like, take this girl to the back, so

554
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:40,360
Speaker 2: I guess it was the extent of my injury. So

555
00:33:40,480 --> 00:33:43,480
Speaker 2: where they be Everything was like this, this little girl

556
00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:46,040
Speaker 2: shouldn't even be having this type of issue down there

557
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:52,000
Speaker 2: because it was twelve. She's twelve with ulcers pulsating in

558
00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:55,200
Speaker 2: her vaginal area. This is unacceptable and we need to

559
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:57,920
Speaker 2: figure this out. Like it was bad. I had a

560
00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 2: flare up, my first flare up ever. So I can

561
00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:07,960
Speaker 2: hear my mom in the in the hallway screaming, and

562
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:14,880
Speaker 2: you know, these are white people. I'm trained, you know

563
00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:19,239
Speaker 2: what I mean to not trust them and it. You know,

564
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:22,080
Speaker 2: it took for them, you know, to keep talking to me,

565
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:25,239
Speaker 2: for me to tell them what was going on and

566
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:27,799
Speaker 2: that my stepfather had been, you know, was the person

567
00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:32,239
Speaker 2: who was touching me and appropriately, and then things are

568
00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:33,120
Speaker 2: just going from there.

569
00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:37,120
Speaker 1: Now, we don't have to talk about this if you're

570
00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:39,239
Speaker 1: not comfortable, But I feel like this part is very

571
00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:42,799
Speaker 1: important because you know, there's a lot of stigma when

572
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:47,520
Speaker 1: it comes to STVS. So you were diagnosed with herpes.

573
00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:51,640
Speaker 2: Yes, herpes simplex two. Yes, that's twelve.

574
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 1: That is fucking crazy. So look, so have you encountered

575
00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:01,840
Speaker 1: any like lasting effects or complications from having this, because

576
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:05,640
Speaker 1: I can only imagine how this, like it really fucks

577
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:09,680
Speaker 1: with you, not even in this situation, but just like overall,

578
00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:15,080
Speaker 1: like you trying to date or like just everyday life. Yeah,

579
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,560
Speaker 1: and then you got to explain that to people, and

580
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:20,960
Speaker 1: then you got to go into the backstory, like that's

581
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:23,560
Speaker 1: a lot for you very much.

582
00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:27,319
Speaker 2: So and again this happened at twelve, So I'm having

583
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:30,960
Speaker 2: gonna take these medications to the nurse because you you

584
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:33,839
Speaker 2: couldn't just bring medicine to school. So if I were

585
00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:35,719
Speaker 2: was having a flare up, I had to bring it

586
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:41,640
Speaker 2: zoveracs had to bring the cream to UH school. So yes,

587
00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:46,040
Speaker 2: law lasting effects. Of course, it affected my self esteem.

588
00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:48,239
Speaker 2: Anytime I had a flair, it was a reminder of

589
00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:50,600
Speaker 2: what happened to me and how it happened to me,

590
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:54,000
Speaker 2: and who it was by, and even also how they

591
00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:57,279
Speaker 2: got it because you know, with my mother, you know,

592
00:35:57,360 --> 00:36:00,200
Speaker 2: dealing with the news of everything, and she had her

593
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:03,160
Speaker 2: own breakdown and experience, so she she was never there

594
00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:06,920
Speaker 2: for me in this ordeal. It was more so about

595
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:10,040
Speaker 2: her what she lost, and she made it a point

596
00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:14,240
Speaker 2: to let me know that he had received the disease

597
00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:25,319
Speaker 2: from a prostitute. Right, so you want me to do what? Yeah?

598
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:28,640
Speaker 2: I mean, so did she has a telling people business.

599
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:32,000
Speaker 2: I would assume that she was okay with getting it

600
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:38,200
Speaker 2: at this point, you know, so yeah, trying for kids

601
00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:42,920
Speaker 2: and stuff, so yeah, but she that don't know the

602
00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:44,720
Speaker 2: story of her too, just had it was never happening

603
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:52,439
Speaker 2: but anyway delusional. So yeah, everlasting effects on me. Any

604
00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:57,520
Speaker 2: person that I was like sexual with, most likely relationship

605
00:36:57,880 --> 00:36:59,560
Speaker 2: if it was ever going to take it beyond a

606
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:02,400
Speaker 2: certain level. And I communicated it with my partners, so

607
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:07,520
Speaker 2: I made sure early on learning about my disease I was.

608
00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 2: I'm a big education so and knowledge yourself though. Absolutely,

609
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:18,000
Speaker 2: That's the only thing I had control over was to

610
00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:21,040
Speaker 2: learn about it. So with that, I was able to

611
00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:25,359
Speaker 2: gain understanding of what my body was dealing with on

612
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:28,160
Speaker 2: the knowledge aspect, as far as the emotional and the

613
00:37:28,239 --> 00:37:32,040
Speaker 2: traumatic aspect of things, That's something that I continuously would

614
00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:34,680
Speaker 2: deal with and till this day I deal with, like

615
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:38,239
Speaker 2: even though I've gotten it under control to where I

616
00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:42,240
Speaker 2: don't really have outbreaks, I know when my body's reacting

617
00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:47,239
Speaker 2: a certain way to stress, you know, and how my

618
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:50,319
Speaker 2: immune system acts sometimes it's just very disheartening. And even

619
00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:53,640
Speaker 2: having my children vaginal bursts, I've had four of them,

620
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:58,040
Speaker 2: and each time I put my children at risk of

621
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:02,319
Speaker 2: obtaining it, you know, through the vagil now, and that

622
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:04,239
Speaker 2: was just something that was a big fear for me

623
00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 2: being a mother, especially being a mother so young.

624
00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:12,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, Yo, God bless you man. I mean, we're gonna

625
00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:15,400
Speaker 1: stay in contact cause you you've been through a lot,

626
00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:18,960
Speaker 1: and I appreciate you just being honest and transparent because

627
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:22,879
Speaker 1: I can only imagine the things that you go through

628
00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:26,160
Speaker 1: that nobody knows about. So thank you so much for

629
00:38:26,239 --> 00:38:28,319
Speaker 1: sharing that, because I think that's important that you did,

630
00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:30,279
Speaker 1: because I feel like a lot of people when it

631
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:32,880
Speaker 1: comes to ScDs, have this stigma and when you tell people,

632
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:36,160
Speaker 1: they automatically assume that you a whole not even knowing that. Yo,

633
00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:38,120
Speaker 1: this was put on me. I didn't even know what

634
00:38:38,160 --> 00:38:40,239
Speaker 1: the hell this ship was, you know what I'm saying.

635
00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:42,839
Speaker 1: So I really appreciate you being honest about that.

636
00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:46,000
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, no problem. And like even when I am

637
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:52,680
Speaker 2: encountered with me being honest about it, I can't say,

638
00:38:52,719 --> 00:39:01,240
Speaker 2: no one's ever turned me down. But listen, listen, okay, uh.

639
00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:04,880
Speaker 1: That based off it, but that they ain't gonna stop nothing.

640
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:10,400
Speaker 2: Now. I don't want to fool you, don't. But I

641
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:14,759
Speaker 2: respect people's decisions either way. I don't take it personally, but.

642
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:16,240
Speaker 1: You give that choice.

643
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:20,400
Speaker 2: Absolutely. I would never want someone to experience what I experienced.

644
00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:23,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, So when the nurses became aware of what

645
00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:28,160
Speaker 1: happened next because your mom was present, not you rolling

646
00:39:28,239 --> 00:39:31,879
Speaker 1: your eyes because when did the place because did they

647
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:33,640
Speaker 1: ever get called to the hospital or.

648
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:37,759
Speaker 2: And this is why I roll my eyes. I roll

649
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:42,200
Speaker 2: my eyes because a lot of this information that I'm

650
00:39:42,239 --> 00:39:46,720
Speaker 2: able to repeat, I've experienced it. But then the gaps

651
00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:50,279
Speaker 2: in between, for me were filled in by my own mother,

652
00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:53,680
Speaker 2: and then to see the role that she played in

653
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:57,080
Speaker 2: all this, it really threw me by surprise. Now, mind you,

654
00:39:57,160 --> 00:40:00,400
Speaker 2: this is this is new. This is four years that

655
00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:03,080
Speaker 2: I've been going through this and delving it up and

656
00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:08,919
Speaker 2: really facing it. So, yes, police were involved. My mother

657
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:13,960
Speaker 2: spoke to two officers. I remember that I had to

658
00:40:13,960 --> 00:40:16,800
Speaker 2: go see a therapist. I remember meeting with her one time.

659
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:22,719
Speaker 2: And then also I had a case with CYF or CPS,

660
00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:25,839
Speaker 2: and I remember talking to the caseworker. I remember what

661
00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:31,560
Speaker 2: he looked like, what he his name, everything. So we

662
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:35,360
Speaker 2: went through the due process, you know, you would assume.

663
00:40:36,239 --> 00:40:41,360
Speaker 2: And that's why for so long, what I had nothing

664
00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:43,279
Speaker 2: to go off of in a sense of him still

665
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:46,200
Speaker 2: being around in the house and this dynamic that was

666
00:40:46,239 --> 00:40:52,000
Speaker 2: created between the both of them and following out. Yeah, so.

667
00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:56,840
Speaker 1: If they had the evidence you in the hospital, because

668
00:40:57,160 --> 00:40:59,880
Speaker 1: obviously they did a ray, kid and it's shown this

669
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:03,320
Speaker 1: something happened to you, why was nothing done?

670
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:09,520
Speaker 2: And that's where I kind of go blank, because that

671
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:13,560
Speaker 2: was the adult's responsibility at that point to take it

672
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:15,920
Speaker 2: and do what they needed to do. He you know,

673
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:22,200
Speaker 2: my mother, she should have prosecuted this to the furthest

674
00:41:22,239 --> 00:41:25,640
Speaker 2: extent of the law for whatever reason. And however this

675
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:28,480
Speaker 2: all occurred, I cannot tell you how I slipped through

676
00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:31,600
Speaker 2: the cracks. I cannot because it's little black and white,

677
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:36,200
Speaker 2: like the facts is there, right, And it would be

678
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:39,279
Speaker 2: some of those same facts that worked for me in

679
00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:41,759
Speaker 2: my case against him later on in life.

680
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:45,040
Speaker 1: So did you ever confront your mom about her reason

681
00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:49,040
Speaker 1: to prioritize your stuff father over you, Like, did y'all

682
00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:50,600
Speaker 1: ever have a conversation because I know it was a

683
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:54,040
Speaker 1: point of time when he moved out or he wasn't

684
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:58,200
Speaker 1: living with y'all, and she wanted to talk to you

685
00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:01,960
Speaker 1: about how you was feeling about him.

686
00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:06,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I couldn't really tell you how long it was.

687
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:14,319
Speaker 2: I I wanted to say, it wasn't that far a

688
00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:19,440
Speaker 2: time from whenever it came out to whenever this walk occurred.

689
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:23,320
Speaker 2: I ended up being at my grandmother, her mother's house

690
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:26,520
Speaker 2: for the summer, so I wasn't in the house. Supposedly

691
00:42:26,520 --> 00:42:29,560
Speaker 2: he wasn't in the house, and that was to be that.

692
00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:35,239
Speaker 2: So when I returned into the home, Yes, she wanted

693
00:42:35,239 --> 00:42:40,399
Speaker 2: to have a conversation with me. And that conversation because

694
00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:42,280
Speaker 2: we were walking somewhere. She took me on a walk

695
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:46,840
Speaker 2: with my younger with his son, and where we lived,

696
00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:50,800
Speaker 2: I kids walked all the time, so I knew everywhere

697
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:53,560
Speaker 2: from anywhere, so I knew where I was at. I

698
00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:58,040
Speaker 2: just didn't know where we were going. And during this walk,

699
00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:00,759
Speaker 2: she talks to me about my stepfather and how I

700
00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:05,960
Speaker 2: feel about him and about everything that happened, and you know,

701
00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:11,480
Speaker 2: she really hadn't talked to me about it before. A

702
00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:13,919
Speaker 2: lot of it was a lot of anger, a lot

703
00:43:13,960 --> 00:43:15,680
Speaker 2: of you know what I mean, Because once it occurred,

704
00:43:15,719 --> 00:43:18,040
Speaker 2: I got tooken out, I got put out the house,

705
00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:21,600
Speaker 2: you know, given to my friend, So me and my

706
00:43:21,680 --> 00:43:25,800
Speaker 2: mother didn't really get to talk. So having this conversation

707
00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:29,279
Speaker 2: with her, I can just remember like feeling like she

708
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:32,080
Speaker 2: was trying to listen to me, and and I just,

709
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:37,080
Speaker 2: you know, I felt comfortable talking to her. However, that

710
00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:41,680
Speaker 2: conversation just led to our destination, which ended up being

711
00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:44,480
Speaker 2: this apartment, the back of an apartment that I had

712
00:43:44,520 --> 00:43:48,640
Speaker 2: never been two. But she knocked on the door and

713
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:53,080
Speaker 2: it was my stepfather who answered. So she was, I guess,

714
00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:57,640
Speaker 2: prepping me or gaging my temperature before putting me in

715
00:43:57,719 --> 00:44:00,920
Speaker 2: this Uh. I guess set up. I don't know.

716
00:44:02,080 --> 00:44:06,040
Speaker 1: Wow, how did your relationship with your mom influence your

717
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:11,360
Speaker 1: abilities to trust other black women? I saw that and

718
00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:13,239
Speaker 1: I was like, I can't even be mad at you.

719
00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:19,360
Speaker 2: I would say, which I feel like, deep down it

720
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:21,040
Speaker 2: affected me in certain ways.

721
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:24,719
Speaker 1: Because do you even go on safe with black women?

722
00:44:28,440 --> 00:44:33,400
Speaker 2: You can be honest, Honestly, I don't think I ever

723
00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:37,919
Speaker 2: really asked myself to that question because I didn't really

724
00:44:37,960 --> 00:44:43,040
Speaker 2: feel safe with anybody, right, So it really wasn't like, oh,

725
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:45,120
Speaker 2: when I get around these group of women, I feel

726
00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:50,640
Speaker 2: a way. However, to be a little bit more, you know,

727
00:44:50,719 --> 00:44:53,920
Speaker 2: into the story, I had black you know, women around

728
00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:57,480
Speaker 2: me that I thought to be ideal mothers, and I

729
00:44:57,600 --> 00:44:59,800
Speaker 2: thought to be, you know, someone I would want to

730
00:44:59,840 --> 00:45:05,640
Speaker 2: be like hindsight, maybe not, but I would later find

731
00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:12,080
Speaker 2: out even they knew about it, m and so my

732
00:45:12,160 --> 00:45:16,680
Speaker 2: distrust for black women it was, it was it was

733
00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:20,680
Speaker 2: deep because I didn't have black aunts that were really around.

734
00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:23,960
Speaker 2: My mother kept us away from her family. She labored

735
00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:30,480
Speaker 2: herself the black sheep. So I have three aunts and

736
00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:32,680
Speaker 2: I don't and I don't really have that much of

737
00:45:32,719 --> 00:45:37,120
Speaker 2: a relationship with them, so she kept us really under

738
00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:40,600
Speaker 2: her thumb more so me because they didn't want me

739
00:45:40,719 --> 00:45:47,600
Speaker 2: to talk. So I think it would be recently whenever

740
00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:51,560
Speaker 2: I decided to join this book cohort, where I started

741
00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:55,080
Speaker 2: to address my feelings of black women that were unsettling

742
00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:58,640
Speaker 2: to me, and being a part of that experience helped

743
00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:02,319
Speaker 2: shape my idea of what black women are and even

744
00:46:02,320 --> 00:46:05,520
Speaker 2: where I grew up there really we lived in a

745
00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:12,239
Speaker 2: predominant white area and so our blackness was already looked

746
00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:17,239
Speaker 2: down upon. So my upbringing was very interesting. But I

747
00:46:17,320 --> 00:46:21,720
Speaker 2: always sought to sought my people because I just always

748
00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:24,520
Speaker 2: had this intriguing feeling to want to be close to

749
00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:27,480
Speaker 2: people who look like me, who spoke like me, and

750
00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:31,000
Speaker 2: who thought like me. So yeah, but it was just

751
00:46:31,480 --> 00:46:33,160
Speaker 2: this is a hard thing for me to explain. If

752
00:46:33,200 --> 00:46:36,680
Speaker 2: I were able to pinpoint like that, I would say.

753
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:40,200
Speaker 1: Yes, you have homegirls like are you close to any

754
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:44,200
Speaker 1: black women like friends?

755
00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:48,799
Speaker 2: I would say my idea, what friendship was coming up?

756
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:53,640
Speaker 2: I feel like any relationship that I've had could not

757
00:46:53,800 --> 00:46:57,600
Speaker 2: really flourish or be much of anything outside of what

758
00:46:58,080 --> 00:47:00,560
Speaker 2: I could allow it to be, as I could never

759
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:04,160
Speaker 2: show true authentic self based on a secret I was keeping.

760
00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:07,200
Speaker 2: So with that being so much part of my identity,

761
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:14,640
Speaker 2: my experience, it's really hard to connect. So people know

762
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:17,040
Speaker 2: a lot about me but not I mean I will

763
00:47:17,239 --> 00:47:19,120
Speaker 2: know a lot about other people, but they wouldn't know

764
00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:21,600
Speaker 2: a lot about me. So that for me created a

765
00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:24,600
Speaker 2: disconnect to where it's really hard for me to connect

766
00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:30,040
Speaker 2: with women. Relationship wise, with females, I don't have, like

767
00:47:31,560 --> 00:47:33,719
Speaker 2: I can't wrap my head around when people like be

768
00:47:33,760 --> 00:47:35,840
Speaker 2: on the phone day friends for hours and they're just

769
00:47:35,880 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 2: shooting the shit and they do this like every day. No,

770
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:40,719
Speaker 2: I don't have that. I don't know what that looks like.

771
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:46,200
Speaker 2: There's people I've kept, but it's in positions where it's

772
00:47:46,239 --> 00:47:51,239
Speaker 2: just like that's my little sister type deal. Or I mean,

773
00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:53,120
Speaker 2: oh I knew this friend from Sosa, but we really

774
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:55,719
Speaker 2: enclosed you. I mean, I might be the godmother to

775
00:47:55,840 --> 00:47:58,040
Speaker 2: our kid, I don't do nothing for the kid because

776
00:47:58,080 --> 00:48:01,200
Speaker 2: I don't have that relationship. And there's a disconnect for

777
00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:03,960
Speaker 2: me when it comes to these interpersonal relationships to where

778
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:08,480
Speaker 2: I fully cannot connect. I'm working on it.

779
00:48:09,960 --> 00:48:10,360
Speaker 1: Therapy.

780
00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:15,600
Speaker 2: I'm trying to work on yeah, everything in therapy and

781
00:48:15,640 --> 00:48:20,200
Speaker 2: even with my own living experiences, like trying to be vulnerable,

782
00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:24,520
Speaker 2: especially with everything coming out right, me being force coming

783
00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:27,799
Speaker 2: with information. It allowed me to connect with certain people,

784
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:31,359
Speaker 2: but also helped me disconnect from a lot of people

785
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:34,680
Speaker 2: because in me telling my truth, certain relationships with black

786
00:48:34,719 --> 00:48:40,799
Speaker 2: women were severed, especially a woman that I considered to

787
00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:42,680
Speaker 2: be a second mom to me when I found out

788
00:48:42,760 --> 00:48:45,920
Speaker 2: she knew. And that was because I came out and

789
00:48:45,960 --> 00:48:50,400
Speaker 2: told her, thinking I was giving this deep information and

790
00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:52,719
Speaker 2: for her to say, oh, yeah, you told you told

791
00:48:52,719 --> 00:48:55,000
Speaker 2: my daughter, like who was my best friend? And she

792
00:48:55,160 --> 00:48:55,480
Speaker 2: told me.

793
00:48:57,680 --> 00:48:59,320
Speaker 1: Did she say why she didn't do anything?

794
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:05,400
Speaker 2: Or like, oh, she never explained why she never did anything?

795
00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:07,040
Speaker 2: And then to me, it made me look at her

796
00:49:07,080 --> 00:49:11,920
Speaker 2: interactions with me from that day on to present because

797
00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:15,239
Speaker 2: now I'm looking at you funny because I'm thinking you're

798
00:49:15,239 --> 00:49:17,520
Speaker 2: treating me just like your other daughter. But I'm starting

799
00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:19,760
Speaker 2: to see that you were treating me like a charity case.

800
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:21,960
Speaker 2: And I feel like you was he he and ha

801
00:49:21,960 --> 00:49:24,680
Speaker 2: ha with your friends and your family about what you

802
00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:27,920
Speaker 2: did for me based on my living situation because it

803
00:49:27,960 --> 00:49:31,640
Speaker 2: was something to talk about it. So a lot of

804
00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:34,759
Speaker 2: things became out in the open in this, you know,

805
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:38,800
Speaker 2: in my scenario, and it blew me and my aunts

806
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:41,520
Speaker 2: didn't even know, like she kept it from you know

807
00:49:41,520 --> 00:49:44,200
Speaker 2: what I mean, no one knew. So we really were

808
00:49:44,239 --> 00:49:50,799
Speaker 2: on like this own like metaphysical like island to where right?

809
00:49:51,040 --> 00:49:54,000
Speaker 2: And then to say I told you that, well you

810
00:49:54,280 --> 00:49:56,839
Speaker 2: you heard that. My mother would say things like why

811
00:49:56,920 --> 00:50:01,360
Speaker 2: her not me? That same the woman that I considered

812
00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:05,919
Speaker 2: to be my mother, she used her own interaction where

813
00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:11,640
Speaker 2: she overheard her threatened my stepfather was calling the police

814
00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:18,040
Speaker 2: for what he did to me. It's like everybody knew

815
00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:21,399
Speaker 2: something was up and no one did anything. And then

816
00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:24,600
Speaker 2: also these same people allow me to live this life

817
00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:29,839
Speaker 2: in public because I don't remember telling because it's like

818
00:50:30,160 --> 00:50:32,480
Speaker 2: for a child, you say something you're supposed to get

819
00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:35,560
Speaker 2: a reaction, someone supposed to change. Nothing changed, and you

820
00:50:35,560 --> 00:50:38,879
Speaker 2: shut it off. You I didn't remember any of it.

821
00:50:39,560 --> 00:50:42,200
Speaker 2: And that's type of things that just blew me and

822
00:50:42,320 --> 00:50:44,759
Speaker 2: just made it more important for me to be able

823
00:50:44,760 --> 00:50:47,719
Speaker 2: to talk out about it, because it's one thing to

824
00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:51,440
Speaker 2: experience it and say something happened. It's another thing to

825
00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:54,080
Speaker 2: say something happen and then also hold those who felt

826
00:50:54,120 --> 00:50:56,279
Speaker 2: you accountable in that.

827
00:50:56,280 --> 00:50:57,160
Speaker 1: That's a fact.

828
00:50:57,480 --> 00:50:59,160
Speaker 2: No one gets a pass with me.

829
00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:01,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, you give it up.

830
00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:02,640
Speaker 2: I know.

831
00:51:03,960 --> 00:51:09,920
Speaker 1: I know you don't play no games like yeah, I

832
00:51:09,920 --> 00:51:13,400
Speaker 1: head is you don't like yeah, you know, I just

833
00:51:13,440 --> 00:51:16,759
Speaker 1: had a question that this pop up was was was

834
00:51:16,800 --> 00:51:18,680
Speaker 1: one of the reasons why you were a little nervous

835
00:51:18,719 --> 00:51:20,400
Speaker 1: to have the conversation with me was because I was

836
00:51:20,400 --> 00:51:21,000
Speaker 1: a black woman.

837
00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:27,440
Speaker 2: You're my first interview as a black woman with a

838
00:51:27,480 --> 00:51:32,600
Speaker 2: black woman. I've been reached out by white women and

839
00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:36,799
Speaker 2: you know they just love our pain child. No, but

840
00:51:37,040 --> 00:51:39,200
Speaker 2: please believe when I when I talk to him, I

841
00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:43,319
Speaker 2: let him know. We don't trust the white man. I mean,

842
00:51:43,360 --> 00:51:46,120
Speaker 2: I can only speak from my experience. Don't tact on

843
00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:48,840
Speaker 2: your your situation and what you got going on. We

844
00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:51,399
Speaker 2: are not the same. None of this is is going

845
00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:54,600
Speaker 2: to be able to be compared at all, Right, and

846
00:51:54,600 --> 00:51:57,239
Speaker 2: that makes that know, I make that very No, don't

847
00:51:57,280 --> 00:51:58,120
Speaker 2: attach yourself to this.

848
00:51:59,239 --> 00:52:01,399
Speaker 1: Well, I'm happy that was your first. Do you feel safe?

849
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:03,120
Speaker 1: You feel comfortable? I feel like you feel comfortable.

850
00:52:04,680 --> 00:52:08,560
Speaker 2: I'm good now it's just me talking any like at all,

851
00:52:08,640 --> 00:52:11,000
Speaker 2: even when I record, like I'm in front of the

852
00:52:11,040 --> 00:52:13,319
Speaker 2: camera and like all my out takes or just like

853
00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:20,640
Speaker 2: oh do it again, Yeah, yeah, I'm getting better. I

854
00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:23,960
Speaker 2: love how comfortable I'm feeling. So this is going and I.

855
00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:25,920
Speaker 1: Say happy birthday to you. Listen, I've been doing this

856
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:27,600
Speaker 1: for almost six years. I think you're the only person

857
00:52:27,600 --> 00:52:31,400
Speaker 1: I sung Happy Birthday too. You should feel.

858
00:52:32,719 --> 00:52:35,359
Speaker 2: I knew even if I was the eighth or tenth

859
00:52:35,440 --> 00:52:37,600
Speaker 2: or one hundred.

860
00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:52,960
Speaker 1: This episode contains sensitive topics. Listener, discretion is advice. Do

861
00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:58,239
Speaker 1: you think you would ever forgive your mom? And I

862
00:52:58,360 --> 00:52:59,480
Speaker 1: know no?

863
00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:08,759
Speaker 2: Oh period. And I always say this. I know the

864
00:53:09,640 --> 00:53:12,879
Speaker 2: you know the way people are raised and how they

865
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:15,480
Speaker 2: you know, love to live their life. Is you know,

866
00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:18,560
Speaker 2: forgiveness is for you, and you know when you forgive

867
00:53:18,600 --> 00:53:21,960
Speaker 2: someone for you, it's not for them. In my instance,

868
00:53:22,239 --> 00:53:24,839
Speaker 2: it is for me that I do not forgive her,

869
00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:31,440
Speaker 2: And for me, forgiveness doesn't doesn't attach negative feelings for me.

870
00:53:33,640 --> 00:53:38,240
Speaker 2: Me not forgiving her is her living in her own accountability,

871
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:41,319
Speaker 2: whether she wants to accept it or not. For me,

872
00:53:41,719 --> 00:53:47,120
Speaker 2: it exists. So it's yours you carry that. I don't

873
00:53:47,120 --> 00:53:50,239
Speaker 2: want you, at any point in time while you're still

874
00:53:50,280 --> 00:53:54,839
Speaker 2: here think that anything you ever did was okay. And

875
00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:57,759
Speaker 2: so she will never hear the words I forgive you

876
00:53:57,800 --> 00:53:59,000
Speaker 2: come up with my mouth. Absolutely not.

877
00:54:00,040 --> 00:54:03,319
Speaker 1: Well, I will say this to you because me and

878
00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:05,920
Speaker 1: my mom, And not sure this with my listeners, especially

879
00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:08,600
Speaker 1: when there are certain stories that resonates with me. But

880
00:54:08,719 --> 00:54:11,600
Speaker 1: like me and my mom did not have a relationship

881
00:54:11,600 --> 00:54:13,239
Speaker 1: with the person who I considered my mom was my

882
00:54:13,280 --> 00:54:16,719
Speaker 1: grandmother and she passed away, and you know, my mom

883
00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:19,920
Speaker 1: and her boyfriend used to be very abusive towards me,

884
00:54:20,800 --> 00:54:23,280
Speaker 1: and you know, it just got to a point where

885
00:54:23,600 --> 00:54:26,680
Speaker 1: once my grandmother passed away, I think a lot of

886
00:54:26,719 --> 00:54:29,200
Speaker 1: things just like just came back to me when I

887
00:54:29,280 --> 00:54:32,080
Speaker 1: was at this age because after so long, you so

888
00:54:32,280 --> 00:54:34,120
Speaker 1: used to showing face and you just, you know, per

889
00:54:34,360 --> 00:54:37,440
Speaker 1: make it surviving that you just forget a lot of

890
00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:41,239
Speaker 1: shit until something trigger you. And you know, just on

891
00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:44,239
Speaker 1: my journey with therapy and stuff, you know, I had

892
00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:46,160
Speaker 1: to I had to forgive for her, and I even

893
00:54:46,239 --> 00:54:48,680
Speaker 1: though my mom would never admit to what she's done

894
00:54:48,719 --> 00:54:51,000
Speaker 1: to me or what what she allowed happened to me,

895
00:54:51,640 --> 00:54:53,759
Speaker 1: I had to do it for myself because I had

896
00:54:53,960 --> 00:54:58,440
Speaker 1: so much anger because of that lady, like to the

897
00:54:58,480 --> 00:55:02,759
Speaker 1: point where I was in colleg and my life could

898
00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:06,279
Speaker 1: have went completely left because I blacked out and I

899
00:55:06,360 --> 00:55:10,080
Speaker 1: physically harm someone, and I knew it was because of her,

900
00:55:10,200 --> 00:55:12,720
Speaker 1: so you know, I just want you when you're ready.

901
00:55:12,760 --> 00:55:14,640
Speaker 1: I think that's something that you should you should consider

902
00:55:14,719 --> 00:55:17,520
Speaker 1: because you know, you should be able to have relationships

903
00:55:17,560 --> 00:55:20,120
Speaker 1: with people, especially women who look like you, and be

904
00:55:20,200 --> 00:55:22,799
Speaker 1: comfortable and feel safe because you deserve that. You know,

905
00:55:22,840 --> 00:55:26,120
Speaker 1: you went through hell as a child. In this adulthood.

906
00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:28,439
Speaker 1: Now that you have control, you deserve to be happy,

907
00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:30,560
Speaker 1: and you deserve to have fun, and you deserve to

908
00:55:30,640 --> 00:55:33,080
Speaker 1: have a community of people who want to be around

909
00:55:33,120 --> 00:55:34,160
Speaker 1: you and want to love on you.

910
00:55:35,880 --> 00:55:38,600
Speaker 2: Right, And then with that is being able to accept it.

911
00:55:38,920 --> 00:55:41,600
Speaker 1: And being able to accept the apology that you wouldn't

912
00:55:41,640 --> 00:55:44,200
Speaker 1: probably never ever ever get from her.

913
00:55:44,920 --> 00:55:45,760
Speaker 2: Yeah that's not coming.

914
00:55:46,040 --> 00:55:48,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, because I knowed that an apology.

915
00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:50,640
Speaker 2: Even if it did come, I wouldn't believe in it.

916
00:55:50,640 --> 00:55:54,760
Speaker 2: There's too much that hasn't occurred and has gone down,

917
00:55:55,360 --> 00:55:58,000
Speaker 2: mostly like oh, your life wasn't enough, I mean your childhood,

918
00:55:58,000 --> 00:56:01,080
Speaker 2: but like it's the things that happened once I started

919
00:56:01,120 --> 00:56:04,080
Speaker 2: to speak out that really blew me about who this

920
00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:08,080
Speaker 2: individual truly is and a monster, Like she's a monster,

921
00:56:08,200 --> 00:56:15,040
Speaker 2: and that's why it's scary. It is anything anything.

922
00:56:15,920 --> 00:56:18,440
Speaker 1: How do you think the abuse you endure may have

923
00:56:18,520 --> 00:56:22,880
Speaker 1: influenced your decisions and behaviors during your teenage years, including

924
00:56:22,920 --> 00:56:24,879
Speaker 1: the decision to become a teenage mother.

925
00:56:27,680 --> 00:56:28,160
Speaker 2: Who loo.

926
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:35,439
Speaker 1: Because I wasn't expecting that either, mm hmm.

927
00:56:36,320 --> 00:56:41,000
Speaker 2: So basically, I mean the tell tale is the lack

928
00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:48,160
Speaker 2: of love, the lack of acknowledgment, the lack of just love.

929
00:56:48,640 --> 00:56:56,799
Speaker 2: Y right, you get hungry and for me that void, right,

930
00:56:57,440 --> 00:56:59,480
Speaker 2: and you're trying to see what it feels like to

931
00:56:59,600 --> 00:57:04,799
Speaker 2: be love. And for me it turned into to me

932
00:57:05,000 --> 00:57:07,040
Speaker 2: like I was good in school, like I was doing

933
00:57:07,400 --> 00:57:10,520
Speaker 2: I was that, you know, I was the honorable pert,

934
00:57:10,600 --> 00:57:14,719
Speaker 2: you know child. But I got my taste of my

935
00:57:14,800 --> 00:57:18,800
Speaker 2: first love, you know, a boy that he was older,

936
00:57:18,920 --> 00:57:27,680
Speaker 2: so I thought he was mature, you know, hello. So

937
00:57:27,800 --> 00:57:29,360
Speaker 2: I mean I think it was that and then me

938
00:57:29,360 --> 00:57:32,240
Speaker 2: and him opening up and then me feeling seen by

939
00:57:32,280 --> 00:57:35,760
Speaker 2: someone for the first time because I let him know

940
00:57:36,040 --> 00:57:40,040
Speaker 2: about my abuse. I really wasn't a sexual teen. And

941
00:57:40,120 --> 00:57:43,360
Speaker 2: I know most people think that, oh, when you're sexually abused,

942
00:57:43,400 --> 00:57:46,920
Speaker 2: you're just going to be hyper sex sexual, and that

943
00:57:47,080 --> 00:57:50,280
Speaker 2: was not my case because with my disease, that made

944
00:57:50,320 --> 00:57:56,040
Speaker 2: me be very scared. So whenever I did come around

945
00:57:56,160 --> 00:57:58,680
Speaker 2: to wanting to have sex, I was in a relationship

946
00:57:58,720 --> 00:58:06,440
Speaker 2: for two years as a teenager. That's commitment, and yeah

947
00:58:06,560 --> 00:58:09,200
Speaker 2: he was. He was my first and my first love,

948
00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:12,880
Speaker 2: so I was able to have that moment as a teen,

949
00:58:13,080 --> 00:58:17,080
Speaker 2: but my behaviors I snuck out to see him couldn't

950
00:58:17,080 --> 00:58:19,760
Speaker 2: only keep me away from him, even when my stepfather

951
00:58:19,960 --> 00:58:24,200
Speaker 2: tried a time where he found out that he was

952
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:27,160
Speaker 2: three years older than me and I believe I was fourteen,

953
00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:30,680
Speaker 2: and he was like, no, he's seventeen, you're fourteen.

954
00:58:30,840 --> 00:58:32,480
Speaker 1: You guys like a fucking nerve.

955
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:36,400
Speaker 2: Because even he hit me up because we share a son.

956
00:58:36,680 --> 00:58:39,400
Speaker 2: He hit me up and was like, now that I now,

957
00:58:39,480 --> 00:58:42,240
Speaker 2: I see why he was acting the way he was acting,

958
00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:47,280
Speaker 2: because he was coming off as jealous, and which is scary,

959
00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:50,000
Speaker 2: is weird? It made me sick to my stomach. Even

960
00:58:50,040 --> 00:58:53,360
Speaker 2: though this is two years post ever being touched by him,

961
00:58:53,680 --> 00:58:57,800
Speaker 2: there was things that were occurring that were still inappropriate,

962
00:58:58,520 --> 00:59:02,160
Speaker 2: and that being one of them, to where he'd be

963
00:59:02,200 --> 00:59:04,200
Speaker 2: the last person I listened to. If you tell me

964
00:59:04,240 --> 00:59:06,480
Speaker 2: I can do something I want to do, Like, are

965
00:59:06,520 --> 00:59:07,280
Speaker 2: you serious.

966
00:59:06,960 --> 00:59:08,560
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna do it even harder.

967
00:59:09,880 --> 00:59:12,200
Speaker 2: Hello, I'm gonna jump out this window and I'm gonna

968
00:59:12,360 --> 00:59:14,160
Speaker 2: take you know what I mean. So I would sneak out.

969
00:59:14,280 --> 00:59:16,919
Speaker 2: I would jump out my front window or whatever, lock

970
00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:20,880
Speaker 2: my door. Again, we walked. He was in the same

971
00:59:20,920 --> 00:59:25,640
Speaker 2: city we met up, and I just did what I

972
00:59:25,680 --> 00:59:28,360
Speaker 2: could do. I can stay growing up. Like a lot

973
00:59:28,400 --> 00:59:30,800
Speaker 2: of people don't know this about me, because again, I

974
00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:35,520
Speaker 2: had to live a certain type of life. A certain

975
00:59:35,560 --> 00:59:40,240
Speaker 2: facaught yeah me so much so that I did not

976
00:59:40,280 --> 00:59:43,520
Speaker 2: take pictures in my teenage years, like I have zero.

977
00:59:43,800 --> 00:59:46,640
Speaker 2: I have very limited photos. I refuse to take photos

978
00:59:46,640 --> 00:59:48,960
Speaker 2: because I was so afraid that someone could see the

979
00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:51,000
Speaker 2: sadness that I was truly in.

980
00:59:52,080 --> 00:59:53,880
Speaker 1: I saw a picture of you. I don't know where

981
00:59:53,880 --> 00:59:55,560
Speaker 1: I saw it, but I'm like, I can tell you

982
00:59:55,560 --> 00:59:56,439
Speaker 1: what was sad as a kid.

983
00:59:57,920 --> 01:00:03,080
Speaker 2: M Yeah. Yeah, that's why I don't me personally now.

984
01:00:03,240 --> 01:00:07,800
Speaker 2: I don't like forcing moments in photography. I like to

985
01:00:07,840 --> 01:00:11,800
Speaker 2: capture the moments as they come. So that's how that

986
01:00:11,920 --> 01:00:15,960
Speaker 2: shaped my view on that. But so yeah, I ended

987
01:00:16,000 --> 01:00:18,840
Speaker 2: up getting pregnant at sixteen, and I lied to you know.

988
01:00:18,920 --> 01:00:23,360
Speaker 2: I lost my virginity at sixteen in April, and I

989
01:00:23,440 --> 01:00:27,480
Speaker 2: got pregnant in June, and it was lack of it

990
01:00:27,560 --> 01:00:30,440
Speaker 2: wasn't education because again I was getting the birth control.

991
01:00:30,480 --> 01:00:33,480
Speaker 2: My mother took me to get the birth control, so

992
01:00:33,520 --> 01:00:36,880
Speaker 2: she knew what's going with it. Now, the knowledge of

993
01:00:37,040 --> 01:00:39,520
Speaker 2: when and you know, missing it and not keeping track

994
01:00:39,560 --> 01:00:41,920
Speaker 2: of it, that's where I fell off. And that's how

995
01:00:41,920 --> 01:00:45,480
Speaker 2: I ended up pregnant with my oldest son. And you know,

996
01:00:46,480 --> 01:00:49,520
Speaker 2: I was the team pregnant team, you know, my neighborhood,

997
01:00:49,520 --> 01:00:52,320
Speaker 2: and that wasn't nothing to be funny around then. So

998
01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:56,440
Speaker 2: even then I looked down upon peers disappearing like it

999
01:00:56,880 --> 01:00:59,880
Speaker 2: was a whole other thing in its own And I

1000
01:01:00,200 --> 01:01:02,520
Speaker 2: was a varsity cheerleader, you know what I mean, So

1001
01:01:03,240 --> 01:01:06,400
Speaker 2: a lot of my credible you know, I took a

1002
01:01:06,400 --> 01:01:08,840
Speaker 2: couple of notches down for that, but I came back

1003
01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:13,560
Speaker 2: regained it. You know, I had remind you, got back

1004
01:01:13,600 --> 01:01:15,400
Speaker 2: on the squad, came up from a.

1005
01:01:15,720 --> 01:01:18,040
Speaker 1: Baby stopping nothing. Bitch. I'm still that bitch.

1006
01:01:18,080 --> 01:01:22,360
Speaker 2: Okay, still get the whole kid on my head? What's

1007
01:01:22,440 --> 01:01:27,680
Speaker 2: up right? Yeah? But even that I would, you know,

1008
01:01:27,720 --> 01:01:31,320
Speaker 2: I like telling that portion of my story too, because

1009
01:01:31,720 --> 01:01:33,600
Speaker 2: having a child does not mean your life is over,

1010
01:01:34,040 --> 01:01:37,480
Speaker 2: and it doesn't. I'm glad to be able to position

1011
01:01:37,520 --> 01:01:40,520
Speaker 2: to be like it's not then it's a little hard

1012
01:01:40,920 --> 01:01:41,760
Speaker 2: in the end of it.

1013
01:01:41,960 --> 01:01:45,760
Speaker 1: So right now, how did you Because you mentioned how

1014
01:01:45,760 --> 01:01:47,720
Speaker 1: your daughter she used to she's a she used to

1015
01:01:47,720 --> 01:01:50,000
Speaker 1: be a trigger for you. Why is that or why

1016
01:01:50,120 --> 01:01:50,560
Speaker 1: was that.

1017
01:01:52,120 --> 01:01:59,080
Speaker 2: Her existence was a trigger for me? She came twelve

1018
01:01:59,200 --> 01:02:02,880
Speaker 2: years after my son, so I wasn't I mean, I

1019
01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:06,760
Speaker 2: was no rest of having no more kids. So whenever

1020
01:02:06,800 --> 01:02:09,880
Speaker 2: I found myself, you know, in a relationship and thinking

1021
01:02:09,920 --> 01:02:14,320
Speaker 2: it was going to be you know, the one, okay,

1022
01:02:15,560 --> 01:02:19,880
Speaker 2: you know, you know, so being pregnant was one thing.

1023
01:02:20,040 --> 01:02:23,040
Speaker 2: Finding out I had a daughter is what really moved

1024
01:02:23,240 --> 01:02:29,600
Speaker 2: a lot of what I'm talking about today forward. It

1025
01:02:29,760 --> 01:02:33,200
Speaker 2: was acknowledging that one I was carrying my trauma around

1026
01:02:34,040 --> 01:02:40,360
Speaker 2: and she was feeling it, and I was afraid for her.

1027
01:02:41,560 --> 01:02:45,640
Speaker 2: I was afraid, and I couldn't really understand it because

1028
01:02:45,840 --> 01:02:48,240
Speaker 2: I was away from I moved out, I got my

1029
01:02:48,240 --> 01:02:50,760
Speaker 2: own family, I'm doing my own thing. I rarely talk

1030
01:02:50,880 --> 01:02:54,880
Speaker 2: to these people, but it was just it caused me

1031
01:02:55,000 --> 01:02:59,000
Speaker 2: to look in the mirror, and it caused me to reevaluate, well,

1032
01:02:59,040 --> 01:03:02,360
Speaker 2: who are you as a woman. And I know when

1033
01:03:02,400 --> 01:03:05,600
Speaker 2: my sons, it was like, whoever I'm with, if I

1034
01:03:05,640 --> 01:03:07,880
Speaker 2: ever looked at my children and they behave like them

1035
01:03:07,920 --> 01:03:10,240
Speaker 2: and I was embarrassed. I don't need to be with

1036
01:03:10,320 --> 01:03:16,040
Speaker 2: that person. Same go for me. If my daughter would

1037
01:03:16,040 --> 01:03:18,400
Speaker 2: have turned off the I was, would I be proud

1038
01:03:18,440 --> 01:03:21,840
Speaker 2: of her? And it was a note for me. And

1039
01:03:21,960 --> 01:03:24,480
Speaker 2: that's what prompted me to start really digging deep and

1040
01:03:24,520 --> 01:03:29,520
Speaker 2: trying to understand what was going on eternally with my

1041
01:03:29,640 --> 01:03:32,280
Speaker 2: inner self, because I knew it wasn't my head. It

1042
01:03:32,400 --> 01:03:35,400
Speaker 2: was so deep in my spirit that I knew it

1043
01:03:35,440 --> 01:03:38,960
Speaker 2: had to be my younger self honestly that was crying

1044
01:03:39,000 --> 01:03:42,480
Speaker 2: out to do something, and I did.

1045
01:03:43,520 --> 01:03:48,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, and talk about your relationship with Pittsburgh Action against

1046
01:03:48,240 --> 01:03:53,120
Speaker 1: Rape because very pivotal role in this.

1047
01:03:54,560 --> 01:03:59,080
Speaker 2: Absolutely, I was not aware because again, not accustomed to

1048
01:03:59,080 --> 01:04:02,320
Speaker 2: ask them for help, so I wouldn't have known where they.

1049
01:04:02,160 --> 01:04:04,400
Speaker 1: Were or No, you are a couple of asking for help.

1050
01:04:04,440 --> 01:04:07,280
Speaker 1: You're just not accustomed to people helping you. That's what

1051
01:04:07,320 --> 01:04:07,920
Speaker 1: that way you go.

1052
01:04:08,200 --> 01:04:14,840
Speaker 2: Yeah. So I had reached out to a Facebook group

1053
01:04:15,560 --> 01:04:17,920
Speaker 2: and it was a black woman's group.

1054
01:04:18,920 --> 01:04:22,480
Speaker 1: Brown Mama, Okay, listen, pull up when I come pull

1055
01:04:22,560 --> 01:04:24,360
Speaker 1: up on you, we're going now, Okay, when I'm in

1056
01:04:24,440 --> 01:04:27,480
Speaker 1: your city, We're gonna have some hood rap.

1057
01:04:27,920 --> 01:04:34,080
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm good for I could do something. So I

1058
01:04:34,160 --> 01:04:40,360
Speaker 2: got referred to par and I just reached out and

1059
01:04:40,400 --> 01:04:45,360
Speaker 2: I let it all out. Kaden was born already, mind you.

1060
01:04:45,360 --> 01:04:50,280
Speaker 2: My daughter was born in April our birthday Saturday actually,

1061
01:04:51,400 --> 01:04:58,080
Speaker 2: and he was born in seven months. So my baby

1062
01:04:58,280 --> 01:05:04,840
Speaker 2: was a micro PREMI so almost losing her scared me

1063
01:05:05,160 --> 01:05:09,480
Speaker 2: right into protective mode. Like I just started going full throttle.

1064
01:05:09,600 --> 01:05:13,240
Speaker 2: So I ended up confronting my mother and my stepfather

1065
01:05:14,200 --> 01:05:16,760
Speaker 2: after Kata was born. There was a lot of things

1066
01:05:16,760 --> 01:05:27,800
Speaker 2: that happened. There's videos on it, yeah, and so I

1067
01:05:27,920 --> 01:05:31,400
Speaker 2: just was I was just looking for help with therapy.

1068
01:05:32,280 --> 01:05:36,080
Speaker 2: I needed resources to help me uncover my childhood trauma.

1069
01:05:36,480 --> 01:05:38,480
Speaker 2: And once I reached out to them, I used their

1070
01:05:38,520 --> 01:05:41,560
Speaker 2: own online form like the chat. I didn't call anybody.

1071
01:05:41,600 --> 01:05:45,120
Speaker 2: It was twenty four to seven. But that's where I

1072
01:05:45,280 --> 01:05:52,400
Speaker 2: was absolutely amazingly informed that due to the age I

1073
01:05:52,520 --> 01:05:57,080
Speaker 2: was at the time of my abuse, I still had

1074
01:05:57,160 --> 01:06:00,520
Speaker 2: legal right to go after my stepfather for the sexual

1075
01:06:00,600 --> 01:06:05,320
Speaker 2: abuse he had did twenty plus years prior. So that's

1076
01:06:05,440 --> 01:06:08,160
Speaker 2: a pivotal point for me in my life because I

1077
01:06:08,240 --> 01:06:10,960
Speaker 2: was faced with the decision to take action or not?

1078
01:06:11,240 --> 01:06:14,200
Speaker 2: And I didn't freeze that time, you know, So.

1079
01:06:16,080 --> 01:06:18,280
Speaker 1: What are your thoughts about? What are your thoughts when

1080
01:06:18,320 --> 01:06:22,560
Speaker 1: people in these situations and people come out they press charges?

1081
01:06:23,560 --> 01:06:25,480
Speaker 1: Exactly you already laughing, you know, I'm going with this.

1082
01:06:25,960 --> 01:06:29,840
Speaker 1: And the abuse happened twenty years ago. How do you

1083
01:06:29,880 --> 01:06:32,400
Speaker 1: feel when people say, why are you just now saying something?

1084
01:06:32,480 --> 01:06:34,320
Speaker 1: Or why why is this happening now? Like why you

1085
01:06:34,320 --> 01:06:36,200
Speaker 1: didn't do this back in the day, Like how do

1086
01:06:36,280 --> 01:06:37,439
Speaker 1: you feel when people say that?

1087
01:06:38,880 --> 01:06:42,840
Speaker 2: I used to get offended. My stepfather said the same

1088
01:06:42,880 --> 01:06:46,040
Speaker 2: thing when the police came and started interrogating him about

1089
01:06:46,080 --> 01:06:49,640
Speaker 2: what he did. To me, it was why now? Why now?

1090
01:06:51,080 --> 01:06:58,120
Speaker 1: Or it wasn't I didn't do it never, she's lying, right,

1091
01:06:59,560 --> 01:07:01,400
Speaker 1: But I used to get offended by it because it

1092
01:07:01,520 --> 01:07:06,320
Speaker 1: was it felt so like insensitive to the person who actually.

1093
01:07:05,880 --> 01:07:11,920
Speaker 2: Experienced the abuse. And I think it also it diminishes

1094
01:07:12,480 --> 01:07:16,880
Speaker 2: the effects of the event on that person. And now

1095
01:07:17,000 --> 01:07:20,120
Speaker 2: what I say is, well, then why did they do it?

1096
01:07:22,280 --> 01:07:23,960
Speaker 2: If you got to ask me why it took me

1097
01:07:24,000 --> 01:07:25,760
Speaker 2: so long to say something, asks them why did they

1098
01:07:25,800 --> 01:07:26,840
Speaker 2: even do it? Right?

1099
01:07:27,720 --> 01:07:28,959
Speaker 1: Because we would have never been here.

1100
01:07:30,760 --> 01:07:35,160
Speaker 2: Ask the person that made it happen, don't ask me why.

1101
01:07:33,920 --> 01:07:39,680
Speaker 2: So putting it in a place where it's giving it

1102
01:07:39,800 --> 01:07:48,600
Speaker 2: back to the offender, they're the person responsible. Period. So

1103
01:07:48,760 --> 01:07:51,720
Speaker 2: when I hear that, it infuriates me and then also

1104
01:07:51,760 --> 01:07:54,640
Speaker 2: makes me look at people sideways because again you notice

1105
01:07:54,640 --> 01:07:59,920
Speaker 2: statistics and even those are under calculated. So to me,

1106
01:08:00,240 --> 01:08:02,240
Speaker 2: everyone looked like an op when I started hearing those

1107
01:08:02,240 --> 01:08:06,000
Speaker 2: types of questions like hold up, what what? What could

1108
01:08:06,200 --> 01:08:09,360
Speaker 2: be done? Who are you protecting? Because that's coming from

1109
01:08:09,480 --> 01:08:11,480
Speaker 2: an abuser enabler mindset?

1110
01:08:11,520 --> 01:08:15,400
Speaker 1: For me, that part so right, So that's all I

1111
01:08:15,400 --> 01:08:15,760
Speaker 1: look at it.

1112
01:08:16,760 --> 01:08:16,920
Speaker 2: Now.

1113
01:08:16,960 --> 01:08:19,640
Speaker 1: We're almost close, We almost finished. But I want to

1114
01:08:19,680 --> 01:08:21,800
Speaker 1: know what were some of the challenges that you went

1115
01:08:21,840 --> 01:08:27,520
Speaker 1: through when it comes to your father, your stepfather being incarcerated,

1116
01:08:29,360 --> 01:08:32,439
Speaker 1: because I know there was one situation where they couldn't

1117
01:08:32,479 --> 01:08:35,720
Speaker 1: find a lot of information because since it was it's

1118
01:08:35,760 --> 01:08:38,320
Speaker 1: been a certain time frame, a lot of the paperwork

1119
01:08:38,760 --> 01:08:40,879
Speaker 1: was digitized, and so that means some of your paperwork

1120
01:08:40,920 --> 01:08:41,360
Speaker 1: was missing.

1121
01:08:42,960 --> 01:08:47,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, so that is actually like, it's crazy how that

1122
01:08:47,520 --> 01:08:52,960
Speaker 2: even happened, because whenever mind you, my statement alone gave

1123
01:08:53,439 --> 01:08:58,840
Speaker 2: the Attorney General to say, go, I didn't all they

1124
01:08:58,840 --> 01:09:01,160
Speaker 2: have my word. First of all, and it was like

1125
01:09:01,240 --> 01:09:05,439
Speaker 2: getting like, let's start. So the detective had they were amazing,

1126
01:09:05,720 --> 01:09:08,360
Speaker 2: They're they're awesome. I will always love them.

1127
01:09:08,520 --> 01:09:12,280
Speaker 1: I'm happy you had a good success story with this,

1128
01:09:12,360 --> 01:09:18,920
Speaker 1: because you know sometimes stories like this, Yeah.

1129
01:09:17,640 --> 01:09:20,080
Speaker 2: I wouldn't never, but I came there with detailed, detailed detail.

1130
01:09:20,080 --> 01:09:23,920
Speaker 2: I came with so many things. So what happened was, again,

1131
01:09:24,000 --> 01:09:27,960
Speaker 2: like you said, the digit the digital transfer of medical records.

1132
01:09:28,520 --> 01:09:31,960
Speaker 2: My medical records were unable to be found. There was

1133
01:09:32,000 --> 01:09:35,760
Speaker 2: a sealed case on foul for my stepfather around the

1134
01:09:35,800 --> 01:09:39,080
Speaker 2: time of my abuse. That's what I was informed of

1135
01:09:39,160 --> 01:09:46,160
Speaker 2: by law enforcement. I steal that record. So somebody did

1136
01:09:46,200 --> 01:09:52,000
Speaker 2: something to get out of something. That's what that means.

1137
01:09:52,200 --> 01:09:57,080
Speaker 2: But go ahead, hello, And he looked like it.

1138
01:09:57,520 --> 01:10:01,240
Speaker 1: So basically why he thought that he could do what

1139
01:10:01,280 --> 01:10:03,120
Speaker 1: he what he felt like doing.

1140
01:10:04,520 --> 01:10:06,960
Speaker 2: Because he would get it. Mind you, he had his

1141
01:10:07,000 --> 01:10:10,840
Speaker 2: own history of trauma, sexual trauma. His mom was a monster,

1142
01:10:10,960 --> 01:10:15,200
Speaker 2: just like mine, so to know, the the drug use,

1143
01:10:15,479 --> 01:10:20,599
Speaker 2: the alcohol abuse, the burglaries, the crimes, endless crimes, especially

1144
01:10:20,600 --> 01:10:22,000
Speaker 2: after what he was doing to me, and when his

1145
01:10:22,080 --> 01:10:24,439
Speaker 2: mom died, it got worse, worse, worse worse. So he

1146
01:10:24,479 --> 01:10:27,600
Speaker 2: was getting in and out a little too fast.

1147
01:10:26,120 --> 01:10:30,040
Speaker 1: It wasn't his stepfather was sexual abusing him, right.

1148
01:10:31,120 --> 01:10:35,080
Speaker 2: Yes he was, and his mom would leave them home,

1149
01:10:35,200 --> 01:10:38,960
Speaker 2: all five of her kids home by theyself, while she

1150
01:10:39,000 --> 01:10:41,840
Speaker 2: went and lived her life with him, and then came

1151
01:10:41,880 --> 01:10:44,360
Speaker 2: back one day and was like they thought it was

1152
01:10:44,520 --> 01:10:46,200
Speaker 2: oh my god, it wasn't in her own fecal matter,

1153
01:10:46,240 --> 01:10:48,280
Speaker 2: but anyway, they thought she was coming back from Nome

1154
01:10:48,320 --> 01:10:51,800
Speaker 2: and she came back for a suitcase. So yeah, she wasn't.

1155
01:10:51,840 --> 01:10:53,000
Speaker 2: She wasn't. She wasn't shit.

1156
01:10:53,600 --> 01:10:57,200
Speaker 1: But Yo, this shit is so deep and so spiritual

1157
01:10:57,280 --> 01:10:59,960
Speaker 1: because that's why he felt so connected to your mother

1158
01:11:01,200 --> 01:11:01,640
Speaker 1: because of it.

1159
01:11:03,720 --> 01:11:06,960
Speaker 2: So dependent on each other too extremes. They fueled off

1160
01:11:07,040 --> 01:11:10,120
Speaker 2: each other, one needed the other and it's to because

1161
01:11:10,160 --> 01:11:13,280
Speaker 2: some diagonoze. But they're still together. So there's there's a

1162
01:11:13,400 --> 01:11:19,360
Speaker 2: there's something, there's something, But what was the question?

1163
01:11:19,840 --> 01:11:22,760
Speaker 1: So you were saying, your medical records got digits highs,

1164
01:11:23,479 --> 01:11:26,760
Speaker 1: but they ended up losing and he had his stuff.

1165
01:11:26,840 --> 01:11:31,280
Speaker 2: But the record with c y F had my name

1166
01:11:31,920 --> 01:11:35,360
Speaker 2: uh An I D and the time of the year

1167
01:11:35,600 --> 01:11:39,840
Speaker 2: that it happened, which validated what I was saying in

1168
01:11:39,840 --> 01:11:43,040
Speaker 2: a sense of there was something that occurred, and then

1169
01:11:43,160 --> 01:11:45,720
Speaker 2: had we had went to trial, I would have just

1170
01:11:45,760 --> 01:11:47,400
Speaker 2: used my medical records and we would have compared it

1171
01:11:47,439 --> 01:11:50,040
Speaker 2: to two and that would have been his nail on

1172
01:11:50,080 --> 01:11:53,720
Speaker 2: the coffin. If you know, he wanted to take it there,

1173
01:11:53,880 --> 01:11:55,080
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, But he didn't want to,

1174
01:11:56,000 --> 01:11:58,559
Speaker 2: you know, Let that be that.

1175
01:11:58,640 --> 01:12:00,120
Speaker 1: But so how many years I could get.

1176
01:12:01,640 --> 01:12:06,559
Speaker 2: He got five to seven, And but it's the when

1177
01:12:06,560 --> 01:12:12,280
Speaker 2: he gets out is extensive. He's on the highest alert

1178
01:12:12,479 --> 01:12:16,400
Speaker 2: of being a sexual predator that you can be. I

1179
01:12:16,400 --> 01:12:18,960
Speaker 2: think he has up to fifteen years of strict probation

1180
01:12:19,720 --> 01:12:23,559
Speaker 2: or parole where he's monitored, drugs, all that can't be used,

1181
01:12:23,560 --> 01:12:27,240
Speaker 2: no internet connection, can't live around kids. Like we made

1182
01:12:27,240 --> 01:12:29,760
Speaker 2: sure he was ironclead to his death if he makes

1183
01:12:29,800 --> 01:12:33,240
Speaker 2: it out. The thing about that five to seven is

1184
01:12:34,000 --> 01:12:39,360
Speaker 2: it was eighty percent mendatory. So around years last year

1185
01:12:39,360 --> 01:12:46,880
Speaker 2: he came up for parole, Yeah, probably Parole Board, and

1186
01:12:46,920 --> 01:12:52,160
Speaker 2: I spoke with them and they were they were jaw dropped.

1187
01:12:53,000 --> 01:12:55,960
Speaker 2: Jaw dropped to the point where that opportunity with the

1188
01:12:55,960 --> 01:13:00,160
Speaker 2: par board aligned me with a program with the inter

1189
01:13:00,560 --> 01:13:04,920
Speaker 2: Office of Victim Advocate, the Resiliency Program, and now I

1190
01:13:05,000 --> 01:13:08,760
Speaker 2: will be speaking as a public speaker with them, just

1191
01:13:08,800 --> 01:13:11,920
Speaker 2: based off my experience of telling the par board exactly

1192
01:13:11,920 --> 01:13:14,719
Speaker 2: what happened to me, to where they say, you wouldn't

1193
01:13:14,760 --> 01:13:17,280
Speaker 2: need to give us any more information unless you wanted to.

1194
01:13:17,920 --> 01:13:22,679
Speaker 2: And he's coming up again this year because they denied it.

1195
01:13:22,680 --> 01:13:27,400
Speaker 2: It was obviously it was like, yeah, no, you're but

1196
01:13:27,520 --> 01:13:31,640
Speaker 2: he's refusing to do the sexual uh like predator like

1197
01:13:32,280 --> 01:13:36,080
Speaker 2: education in prison, like he's not even he's still not

1198
01:13:36,080 --> 01:13:39,800
Speaker 2: taking accountability behind bars. So I think he's going to

1199
01:13:39,840 --> 01:13:46,160
Speaker 2: try to eat eat the full seven he's right, Yeah,

1200
01:13:46,160 --> 01:13:48,679
Speaker 2: he's in his fifties. I don't know.

1201
01:13:49,000 --> 01:13:50,840
Speaker 1: Do you feel safe there? But how are you feeling

1202
01:13:50,840 --> 01:13:51,479
Speaker 1: about all this?

1203
01:13:52,920 --> 01:13:55,360
Speaker 2: I live in the same place I lived whenever I

1204
01:13:55,439 --> 01:13:57,720
Speaker 2: put the charges on him. At the end of the day,

1205
01:13:58,080 --> 01:14:01,360
Speaker 2: I think, and this is why I I honestly feel

1206
01:14:01,360 --> 01:14:03,680
Speaker 2: strongly that my son, well my son has let me

1207
01:14:03,680 --> 01:14:07,599
Speaker 2: know like they've never been abused by my stepfather, thank God,

1208
01:14:07,600 --> 01:14:10,240
Speaker 2: because that's all I really had at that time was God.

1209
01:14:10,439 --> 01:14:16,360
Speaker 2: But I think, and this is my assumption, I feel

1210
01:14:16,360 --> 01:14:19,760
Speaker 2: like there's something in me that it gives off like

1211
01:14:20,200 --> 01:14:24,160
Speaker 2: fuck around to find out. So with that being said,

1212
01:14:24,800 --> 01:14:29,800
Speaker 2: I can create stipulations if he gets released, you know,

1213
01:14:29,840 --> 01:14:32,479
Speaker 2: well when he gets released to where he can't live

1214
01:14:32,479 --> 01:14:34,719
Speaker 2: a certain distance away from me and my children, because

1215
01:14:34,840 --> 01:14:38,680
Speaker 2: my children were my biggest concern because he can't talk

1216
01:14:38,720 --> 01:14:42,880
Speaker 2: to me ever again, he's not allowed, that's like per law.

1217
01:14:43,439 --> 01:14:46,600
Speaker 2: But my kids are a different story. And that's a

1218
01:14:46,680 --> 01:14:50,000
Speaker 2: line that my mother tends to not want to. Well

1219
01:14:50,040 --> 01:14:53,800
Speaker 2: she used to, I don't know about now she knew cross.

1220
01:14:54,120 --> 01:14:57,280
Speaker 2: So now I don't feel I'm good. I'm going anywhere

1221
01:14:57,320 --> 01:14:59,439
Speaker 2: I go. I go back to the city that I'm from,

1222
01:14:59,520 --> 01:15:01,040
Speaker 2: which is and minutes from where I live.

1223
01:15:01,360 --> 01:15:04,880
Speaker 1: Il you carry something with you, baby.

1224
01:15:05,240 --> 01:15:07,600
Speaker 2: Oh, I mean you know what I'm saying. You know

1225
01:15:07,600 --> 01:15:10,800
Speaker 2: what I mean, Like I keep it that, I keep

1226
01:15:10,840 --> 01:15:15,040
Speaker 2: it on me. But also I'm not they need to

1227
01:15:15,080 --> 01:15:19,080
Speaker 2: be afraid of me, right, I am afraid of them.

1228
01:15:19,160 --> 01:15:21,559
Speaker 2: I'm not no little girl. I don't got no secret.

1229
01:15:21,800 --> 01:15:25,479
Speaker 2: Whatever they had on meat is off of me, and

1230
01:15:25,520 --> 01:15:29,759
Speaker 2: it's theirs. Your shame comes in your walk, not mine.

1231
01:15:30,120 --> 01:15:34,640
Speaker 2: So yeah, I've cheered. I mean I've coached, cheered for

1232
01:15:34,920 --> 01:15:39,320
Speaker 2: my my neighborhood, like her, my teams. Like I'm active,

1233
01:15:39,840 --> 01:15:44,320
Speaker 2: So no, get out my way. That's really what it is.

1234
01:15:44,840 --> 01:15:46,960
Speaker 2: I mean if I found out you living around kids,

1235
01:15:46,960 --> 01:15:48,120
Speaker 2: I'm going to report it.

1236
01:15:48,720 --> 01:15:50,360
Speaker 1: Mm hm, as you should.

1237
01:15:51,520 --> 01:15:52,760
Speaker 2: This ain't over. I know.

1238
01:15:52,960 --> 01:15:57,480
Speaker 1: Listen, you're gonna be a nigga's worst nightmare of baby

1239
01:15:57,360 --> 01:16:00,720
Speaker 1: he listen, if you know what I know, he bel

1240
01:16:00,800 --> 01:16:03,439
Speaker 1: stay his ass in the house because what can you do?

1241
01:16:04,400 --> 01:16:11,040
Speaker 1: You can't do nothing, so you can't worry.

1242
01:16:11,120 --> 01:16:16,240
Speaker 2: Bone's got you know. So, I mean that was our

1243
01:16:16,280 --> 01:16:19,160
Speaker 2: hope with agreeing to the Plea deal is that he

1244
01:16:19,240 --> 01:16:22,599
Speaker 2: does fuck up. So he goes in there and he serves.

1245
01:16:22,600 --> 01:16:25,519
Speaker 2: I don't know how much he gotta serve if he rene.

1246
01:16:26,760 --> 01:16:29,240
Speaker 2: So that's our hope to get him in at the

1247
01:16:29,320 --> 01:16:29,719
Speaker 2: end game.

1248
01:16:30,160 --> 01:16:36,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, but changed, Yeah, yeah. And last not least, what

1249
01:16:36,439 --> 01:16:38,680
Speaker 1: is your advice to some of the listeners if their

1250
01:16:38,800 --> 01:16:41,680
Speaker 1: story is similar to yours? What would you tell them?

1251
01:16:41,800 --> 01:16:43,200
Speaker 1: What would you tell your younger self?

1252
01:16:46,160 --> 01:16:52,559
Speaker 2: Well, I would tell someone who can relate to anything

1253
01:16:52,600 --> 01:17:00,120
Speaker 2: that I've said today, you are the most importan or

1254
01:17:00,439 --> 01:17:01,719
Speaker 2: part of your story.

1255
01:17:02,680 --> 01:17:03,240
Speaker 1: That's a fact.

1256
01:17:03,240 --> 01:17:07,040
Speaker 2: And I say that because when we're in these type

1257
01:17:07,080 --> 01:17:10,360
Speaker 2: of situations and why it becomes what it is for

1258
01:17:10,520 --> 01:17:13,160
Speaker 2: us if we tell it for long, it's because the

1259
01:17:13,240 --> 01:17:18,280
Speaker 2: wrong people around us had their own motives above us,

1260
01:17:18,960 --> 01:17:22,439
Speaker 2: and that can make fe a little to not important

1261
01:17:22,439 --> 01:17:25,479
Speaker 2: at all, when all actuality, you are very important, so

1262
01:17:25,560 --> 01:17:28,160
Speaker 2: much important that they wanted you to be quiet, so

1263
01:17:28,280 --> 01:17:31,040
Speaker 2: much important that they were trying to put themselves from you.

1264
01:17:32,200 --> 01:17:36,360
Speaker 2: So understand your true power. And although this was not

1265
01:17:36,560 --> 01:17:42,799
Speaker 2: our mess, this was not our mess, it happened and

1266
01:17:42,880 --> 01:17:44,720
Speaker 2: to me, and I can always say that because I'm

1267
01:17:44,720 --> 01:17:49,600
Speaker 2: living it, is that the best part of it is

1268
01:17:49,640 --> 01:17:53,080
Speaker 2: the person that you begin to build, because I know

1269
01:17:53,160 --> 01:17:57,280
Speaker 2: for me, I would always hope someone would come, and

1270
01:17:57,560 --> 01:18:01,759
Speaker 2: today I am that for mysel and I'm that also

1271
01:18:02,000 --> 01:18:08,000
Speaker 2: for my children. So I became my own superhero. And

1272
01:18:08,040 --> 01:18:13,240
Speaker 2: I think everybody who experiences that type of loss can

1273
01:18:13,280 --> 01:18:16,400
Speaker 2: become that from themselves. And you really get to start

1274
01:18:16,400 --> 01:18:16,960
Speaker 2: from scratch.

1275
01:18:18,320 --> 01:18:20,960
Speaker 1: Nah, I like that, be your own superhero, baby, because

1276
01:18:20,960 --> 01:18:22,320
Speaker 1: ain't nobody gonna save you but you.

1277
01:18:24,040 --> 01:18:26,040
Speaker 2: And that's not a bad thing either. It's actually the

1278
01:18:26,080 --> 01:18:30,559
Speaker 2: most free It's so freeing because you can decide any

1279
01:18:30,560 --> 01:18:31,840
Speaker 2: point to put it down.

1280
01:18:32,600 --> 01:18:37,639
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a fact. Well, I appreciate you. I think

1281
01:18:37,720 --> 01:18:40,320
Speaker 1: this was an amazing conversation which I can see her

1282
01:18:40,360 --> 01:18:43,519
Speaker 1: face she is smiling with the pearly Whites baby.

1283
01:18:45,000 --> 01:18:46,040
Speaker 2: I'm happy.

1284
01:18:46,640 --> 01:18:49,439
Speaker 1: Yes, I am happy that we did this. It was

1285
01:18:49,439 --> 01:18:51,360
Speaker 1: so funny, y'all because I think something was going on

1286
01:18:51,520 --> 01:18:53,920
Speaker 1: my schedule and I really wanted her on the show.

1287
01:18:54,000 --> 01:18:55,800
Speaker 1: So I was just calling her and I was like, girl,

1288
01:18:55,840 --> 01:18:58,720
Speaker 1: you look crazy, and then she was like girl at work.

1289
01:18:58,760 --> 01:19:06,000
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, No, Roy, who is this number?

1290
01:19:06,200 --> 01:19:08,640
Speaker 1: I know my number like a bill collected us. I know.

1291
01:19:08,680 --> 01:19:10,479
Speaker 1: She was like, Yo, who the fuck is calling me?

1292
01:19:11,720 --> 01:19:14,000
Speaker 2: I don't know nobody from here right right?

1293
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Speaker 1: But no, seriously, thank you, thank you, thank you. I

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01:19:17,040 --> 01:19:18,800
Speaker 1: know I know I have this one saying that I

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01:19:18,800 --> 01:19:21,559
Speaker 1: always tell the professional homegirls is you know you have

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01:19:21,640 --> 01:19:23,880
Speaker 1: to share your storyline because you never know how it's

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01:19:23,920 --> 01:19:27,200
Speaker 1: going to be somebody else's lifeline. So thank you, thank you.

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01:19:27,280 --> 01:19:29,080
Speaker 1: Thank you for coming on the show and just being

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01:19:29,120 --> 01:19:31,759
Speaker 1: so honest and transparent. I really appreciate it.

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01:19:32,880 --> 01:19:36,479
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And again, thank you for having me and everyone watching.

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01:19:36,600 --> 01:19:41,240
Speaker 2: I really do hope I make your life better in

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Speaker 2: some way.

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01:19:42,120 --> 01:19:44,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, and to the listeners, if you have any questions

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01:19:44,800 --> 01:19:47,160
Speaker 1: coming so concerns or you want to say hey girl, hey,

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01:19:47,320 --> 01:19:49,240
Speaker 1: please make sure to email me at hello at the

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01:19:49,240 --> 01:19:56,800
Speaker 1: pshgpodcast dot com and until next time. Everyone Later, You're

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01:19:56,840 --> 01:20:09,920
Speaker 1: not gonna say bye by The Professional Homegirl Podcast is

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01:20:09,920 --> 01:20:13,080
Speaker 1: a production of the Black Effect podcast Network. For more

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01:20:13,120 --> 01:20:17,400
Speaker 1: podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or

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01:20:17,400 --> 01:20:19,760
Speaker 1: wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Don't forget to

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01:20:19,800 --> 01:20:22,760
Speaker 1: subscribe and rate the show, and you can connect with

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01:20:22,840 --> 01:20:25,480
Speaker 1: me on social media at the PHG podcast