1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:13,920 Speaker 1: Kay, Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a 2 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:18,799 Speaker 1: weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the 3 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:21,880 Speaker 1: small decisions we can make to become the best possible 4 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:26,480 Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr joy hard and Bradford, 5 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:31,920 Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or 6 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:35,400 Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website 7 00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:39,160 Speaker 1: at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While I hope 8 00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:43,040 Speaker 1: you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it 9 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:46,279 Speaker 1: is not meant to be a substitute for relationship with 10 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:57,279 Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much 11 00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:59,800 Speaker 1: for joining me for session to one of the Therapy 12 00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:02,960 Speaker 1: for Black Girls Podcast. We'll get into the episode right 13 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:16,040 Speaker 1: after a word from our sponsors. It's the moment we've 14 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:18,840 Speaker 1: all been waiting for the fifth and final season of 15 00:01:18,959 --> 00:01:22,280 Speaker 1: HBO's Insecure premiere this week, and of course we had 16 00:01:22,319 --> 00:01:25,120 Speaker 1: to talk about it. My friend and colleague, Dr Donna 17 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,920 Speaker 1: Orioo is back with us today to chat all about 18 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:30,280 Speaker 1: what we saw in the premiere and what we might 19 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:33,000 Speaker 1: expect for the rest of the season. In case you've 20 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:36,800 Speaker 1: missed her before on the podcast, Dr Orioo is an author, 21 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:41,240 Speaker 1: international speaker, and certified sex and relationship therapist in the Washington, 22 00:01:41,319 --> 00:01:43,880 Speaker 1: d C. Metro area. She's the owner of A Not 23 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:47,199 Speaker 1: Right and specializes in working with black women on issues 24 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:50,800 Speaker 1: related to colorism and texturism and its impact on mental 25 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:54,000 Speaker 1: and sexual health. She's also the author of Cocoa Butter 26 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:57,200 Speaker 1: and Hair Grease, a self love journey through hair and skin. 27 00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:00,840 Speaker 1: This episode does contain spoilers, so you haven't watched the 28 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:03,640 Speaker 1: most recent episode, you definitely want to save it for later. 29 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,400 Speaker 1: I know that y'all have lots of thoughts as well, 30 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:09,080 Speaker 1: so please share them with us on social media using 31 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:16,960 Speaker 1: the hashtag TVG in Session. Here's our conversation. Okay, so 32 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:19,600 Speaker 1: much to chat about. When we were texting right after 33 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:21,960 Speaker 1: the show went off, we both talked about feeling like 34 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:24,280 Speaker 1: we were very very deep in our fields and I 35 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:28,800 Speaker 1: wanted to spend some time checking in and like figuring out, like, Okay, 36 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:32,160 Speaker 1: what am I really feeling about? Right? And so I 37 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:34,240 Speaker 1: feel like a part of it for me was like 38 00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:36,679 Speaker 1: it felt like these old friends that I hadn't caught 39 00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:40,280 Speaker 1: up with in a long time. And I also recognize 40 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:45,360 Speaker 1: that we got like season four right as the pandemic started, 41 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,600 Speaker 1: after we were kind of all kind of home, and 42 00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:50,360 Speaker 1: so it felt like a reprieve. And so in some ways, 43 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,880 Speaker 1: I think I have started to associate you know, like 44 00:02:52,919 --> 00:02:55,200 Speaker 1: good feelings, right, like a little bit of a break 45 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,880 Speaker 1: from like all of the stress that is happening in 46 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:00,760 Speaker 1: other places in the world on Sunday evenings for a 47 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,440 Speaker 1: half hour with Issa and her friends. Yes, there's this 48 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:07,720 Speaker 1: excitement around it. I'm going to watch really good entertainment 49 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:12,960 Speaker 1: that is geared toward black folks by black folk. But 50 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:17,079 Speaker 1: there's also a sadness because it's the first episode of 51 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:22,160 Speaker 1: the last season, like beyond this season, we're not catching 52 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:25,040 Speaker 1: up with Issa and the entire cast anymore, not in 53 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:28,080 Speaker 1: the same way. So it's like, dang, this is the 54 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 1: beginning of the end. And the feelings that I was 55 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:35,400 Speaker 1: having about just being back in you know, this insecure 56 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:40,240 Speaker 1: space versus the feelings that they evoked with what was 57 00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:42,800 Speaker 1: going on in the episode, I was just like, Yo, 58 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:44,840 Speaker 1: this is just kind of rich. I'm like, you want 59 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:48,320 Speaker 1: to start off like this. I mean, the first episode 60 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:51,040 Speaker 1: definitely pulled you in, But I think they also got 61 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:54,800 Speaker 1: me when they like did the like season preview, right, 62 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:56,560 Speaker 1: so when we got a chance to see what might 63 00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:58,400 Speaker 1: be coming up. I really feel like that is what 64 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:00,600 Speaker 1: really like took me over the edge. You know, I've 65 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:04,920 Speaker 1: already been started my speculation, Like we got lots of theories, 66 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:10,200 Speaker 1: lots of theories about So we start the episode off 67 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:13,240 Speaker 1: and we see that they are heading to a ten 68 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:16,120 Speaker 1: year reunion from their graduation from Stanford. So I don't 69 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,440 Speaker 1: know that I knew that all of them, or at 70 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:24,200 Speaker 1: least Molly, Issa, Kelly Antiffany, had gone to Stanford. I 71 00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:27,680 Speaker 1: don't know how I missed that part of the story. 72 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:31,159 Speaker 1: Let me tell you about the zero paying attention. It 73 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:33,839 Speaker 1: feels like it's so much attention to clearly I missed 74 00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:37,000 Speaker 1: that glaring point and fun facts. So I saw that 75 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:40,839 Speaker 1: Easter shared online that like, Stanford typically has a no 76 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:44,920 Speaker 1: filming rule that they bended for Insecure, So shout out 77 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:48,080 Speaker 1: to Stanford for that. All right, right, right, they're trying 78 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,560 Speaker 1: to be put on the scene because none of them 79 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:53,520 Speaker 1: IVY leagues looked all that good after all that that's happened. 80 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:56,279 Speaker 1: But what was that last year? I mean was the 81 00:04:56,320 --> 00:05:00,400 Speaker 1: most recent mess of course. Yeah, So we see them 82 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:04,640 Speaker 1: at the reunion, and I thought it was interesting that 83 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:08,719 Speaker 1: we spend the majority of this episode with just them 84 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:11,680 Speaker 1: at Stanford before like we ever see Lawrence, right, And 85 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:13,640 Speaker 1: so of course that's what everybody's on their edge of 86 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:16,080 Speaker 1: their seat waiting like, oh my gosh, what's happening. But 87 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:20,160 Speaker 1: it actually felt very yes, it felt very fitting that 88 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:23,480 Speaker 1: we spent the majority of this episode really digging in 89 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:26,839 Speaker 1: with the friends, absolutely, because I feel like we get 90 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:29,479 Speaker 1: so caught up in even in our own world, right, 91 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:34,200 Speaker 1: this idea that romantic relationships take precedence over everything else, 92 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:38,479 Speaker 1: And then this episode it was like, nah, it does 93 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:43,279 Speaker 1: not take precedence over everything else. Their friendship is the point, 94 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:46,880 Speaker 1: So let's get back to the point. And sometimes I 95 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,120 Speaker 1: wish that people move back in that space. I mean 96 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:54,719 Speaker 1: relationship anarchy. You know, it's about all relationships having some 97 00:05:54,839 --> 00:05:57,840 Speaker 1: value that you pick it, you talk about what it is, 98 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:01,239 Speaker 1: what the parameters of that relationship are. And I felt 99 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:02,960 Speaker 1: like this was just like, to me, it was like 100 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:07,720 Speaker 1: like a baby nod to some level of relationship anarchy, 101 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,240 Speaker 1: because it was not about let's pick up and figure 102 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:13,040 Speaker 1: out what what Issa and Lawrence are gonna do. It's like, no, 103 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:17,680 Speaker 1: let's actually pick up with these friendships, seeing them individually 104 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:20,359 Speaker 1: and then seeing them come together. I feel like that 105 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:25,000 Speaker 1: sort of that convergence was also important. Yeah. So I 106 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,960 Speaker 1: think the timeline that they have set out is that 107 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,000 Speaker 1: it has been two months since we last saw the group, 108 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,360 Speaker 1: So two months have passed since Molly needs to have 109 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,839 Speaker 1: that last conversation where we saw them getting together for 110 00:06:33,839 --> 00:06:36,560 Speaker 1: dinner and talking about can't we talk? At least from 111 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:38,520 Speaker 1: what I was able to gather that they have still 112 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:41,400 Speaker 1: been talking, still trying to figure what their friendship looks 113 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:46,440 Speaker 1: like now. But stuff still feels very awkward. Oh yeah, beautifully. 114 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:49,280 Speaker 1: So yeah, and I'm happy with that. Say more about that. 115 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:51,960 Speaker 1: I think that everybody we're wanting to be okay so quick. 116 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:55,560 Speaker 1: I'm looking like y'all the head the falling out, of 117 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:59,520 Speaker 1: falling out. I mean, you called each other names. You 118 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,359 Speaker 1: don't say at all this stuff. And I feel like 119 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,159 Speaker 1: people don't really want to do repair work. And I 120 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,159 Speaker 1: get it. A lot of us haven't been taught that. 121 00:07:06,839 --> 00:07:10,040 Speaker 1: Like if my parents were wrong, if mama was wrong 122 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:12,920 Speaker 1: when we was growing up, it'd be like you hungry, right, 123 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:16,520 Speaker 1: that was the repair exactly. And so we don't. We 124 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:19,119 Speaker 1: don't talk about it, we don't give no energy to it. 125 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,880 Speaker 1: It's come eat and get over this thing. It's not 126 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:25,520 Speaker 1: even a big deal anymore, right, And a lot of 127 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:29,000 Speaker 1: us have been taught to repair relationships similarly, So we 128 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:31,200 Speaker 1: don't give it no real energy, we don't give it 129 00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:33,760 Speaker 1: no real time. We just want things to be better 130 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:36,600 Speaker 1: because we want them to be better. Right now, So 131 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:41,200 Speaker 1: that they were still in like this awkward space and 132 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:44,680 Speaker 1: feeling almost like insecure within the context of their own relationship, 133 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:47,720 Speaker 1: I was just like, yeah, I did that. And it's 134 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:51,080 Speaker 1: also telling that they both have a lot going on 135 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:54,160 Speaker 1: in their own individual lives. Right we see them talking 136 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:56,240 Speaker 1: about how Molly is still kind of reeling from the 137 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:58,920 Speaker 1: breakup with Andrew. I was very excited to hear her 138 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:01,280 Speaker 1: reference her therapist telling her to be more present, right, 139 00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:04,200 Speaker 1: So she clearly is still meeting with her therapists, which 140 00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:06,800 Speaker 1: is cool. And then you know, so of course they're 141 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:09,120 Speaker 1: trying to figure out whatever is happening with Lawrence, and 142 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:11,840 Speaker 1: so they are individually dealing with I think a lot. 143 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:14,920 Speaker 1: And then also their friendship is in a bit of 144 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:17,280 Speaker 1: a disarray, but it seems very clear that they're still 145 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:20,080 Speaker 1: very actively fighting to try to figure out like what 146 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,200 Speaker 1: this new stage of their friendship is gonna look like. 147 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,440 Speaker 1: Word like purposeful repair, And I think that's the part 148 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:27,560 Speaker 1: that I love that it's like, yes, we're going to 149 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:31,720 Speaker 1: do this work and not even like that. Molly was asking, like, yo, Kelly, 150 00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:35,319 Speaker 1: how long did it take y'all to repair your relationship? 151 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:38,120 Speaker 1: Because I feel like I'm hanging on I'm trying to 152 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:41,240 Speaker 1: and that she gave such an honest answer, like, yo, 153 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:43,480 Speaker 1: it took a while we were fake back before we 154 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:47,680 Speaker 1: were back back, right. It's just like if you don't 155 00:08:47,679 --> 00:08:50,760 Speaker 1: say so, what does the fake back look like? It 156 00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:52,760 Speaker 1: looks like laughing the jokes that are not funny, that 157 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:56,160 Speaker 1: they're not funny, Just trying to hang in there. Word 158 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:59,160 Speaker 1: it's trying to find something to talk about, but something 159 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:01,720 Speaker 1: that's not too deep to talk about because you don't 160 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:04,520 Speaker 1: want to say anything that feels controversial. It sort of 161 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:06,559 Speaker 1: feels like when you meet people for the first time 162 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:10,199 Speaker 1: and you want your best behavior. It feels like that, 163 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:13,199 Speaker 1: but with some knowledge of what your best behavior has 164 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:15,280 Speaker 1: to look like for the person that you're trying to 165 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:18,360 Speaker 1: prepair with. I think we saw throughout the episode them 166 00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:22,280 Speaker 1: making like bids toward one another around like Okay, I 167 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:23,960 Speaker 1: kind of want to be there, but I don't know 168 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,840 Speaker 1: what that looks like and if she opened to this, 169 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,480 Speaker 1: So I think we saw that throughout the episode. But 170 00:09:28,559 --> 00:09:30,280 Speaker 1: I love that they were checking in with each other. 171 00:09:30,679 --> 00:09:33,679 Speaker 1: It's like, Hey, um no, I'm gonna keep it low key, 172 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:36,440 Speaker 1: did you Lisa? Did you want to chill? Right? Can 173 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:39,360 Speaker 1: we chill with wine? Thank you for adding in the 174 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:43,319 Speaker 1: parameter like yes, I need drinkings? Well yeah, I thought 175 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:46,280 Speaker 1: that behavior from Molly to me seemed different than I 176 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:49,800 Speaker 1: think I've seen of her in past seasons, because in 177 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:52,679 Speaker 1: my mind, she had seen that like Lisa, maybe we're 178 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:55,280 Speaker 1: struggling during this panel which we're gonna get into, but 179 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,400 Speaker 1: that she picked up on like Okay, I probably need 180 00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,120 Speaker 1: to check in with my girl, like it feels like 181 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,920 Speaker 1: something's going on here. And so to me, when she 182 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,920 Speaker 1: was asking her like, Ohsa, do you want to kind 183 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:06,160 Speaker 1: of keep it low key and chill, it felt like 184 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,480 Speaker 1: she wanted to be there for her but didn't know 185 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:10,800 Speaker 1: even exactly what that might look like or what Easa 186 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:13,960 Speaker 1: needed in that moment. Yeah, And I like that she 187 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:17,200 Speaker 1: gave space for us to be able to say whether 188 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:21,120 Speaker 1: or not she wanted to recover with her and give 189 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:23,040 Speaker 1: a little term of how they were going to recover 190 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,880 Speaker 1: even that part where they're just walking used to start 191 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:29,360 Speaker 1: going off and she's like, did you eat it right? 192 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:34,040 Speaker 1: Just like if that ain't right, I'm angry exactly. You 193 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:36,240 Speaker 1: sounded kind of angry right now, Let's make sure we 194 00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:39,719 Speaker 1: make sure that you eat, Like, let's let's meet an 195 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:42,520 Speaker 1: immediate need. And I feel like that was her directly 196 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:46,240 Speaker 1: taking Kelly's advice, because that was the one thing Kelly said, 197 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:49,000 Speaker 1: like what is the need in the moment? And I 198 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,520 Speaker 1: felt like she was looking for what the need could 199 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,840 Speaker 1: be in the moment, but making no assumption about it, 200 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:57,880 Speaker 1: but instead asking. And I feel like that to me 201 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,520 Speaker 1: felt different than how the interactions had been in like 202 00:11:01,559 --> 00:11:04,840 Speaker 1: previous seasons. Mind you, I did not rewatch all the seasons. 203 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:07,760 Speaker 1: I didn't even rewatch last season in preparation for this 204 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:09,120 Speaker 1: because I was just like, you know what, I want 205 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:10,800 Speaker 1: to see what it feels like when it stands on 206 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:14,520 Speaker 1: its own with the knowledge being is there but it's hazy, 207 00:11:14,679 --> 00:11:17,320 Speaker 1: and I'm like, wow, I mean she like legit checking in, 208 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,840 Speaker 1: checking in like hey, I want to do this? Is 209 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:23,280 Speaker 1: this something that you want to do? And I was 210 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:28,400 Speaker 1: just like, okay, I feel your girl, I ask that question, right, 211 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:33,200 Speaker 1: I agree so getting back to the panel, so you know, 212 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:36,240 Speaker 1: of course they're there for their teen year like reunion, 213 00:11:36,559 --> 00:11:39,280 Speaker 1: but Issa has also been asked to speak on a 214 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:42,880 Speaker 1: panel about like entrepreneurship and distinguished alumni kind of thing. 215 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:46,320 Speaker 1: I found it interesting that it feels like some of 216 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:50,920 Speaker 1: the commentary that Issa offered, like around like her work life, 217 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:54,520 Speaker 1: felt very similar to Season one Issa when she was 218 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:57,120 Speaker 1: trying to like figure it out, what am I doing. 219 00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:59,400 Speaker 1: I kind of feel fulfilled in this, but I'm not 220 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:02,599 Speaker 1: really sure or and so I thought the panel was 221 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:06,440 Speaker 1: a very illuminating experience just around like how we don't 222 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:10,199 Speaker 1: always have to have the answers. I was thinking about time, 223 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:13,600 Speaker 1: like throughout watching this episode, this idea of time, the 224 00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:17,640 Speaker 1: concept of time and how it was spoken about, even 225 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:20,280 Speaker 1: at the end of the episode, like the rap Kelly 226 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,839 Speaker 1: asking that question at the end as give a Little 227 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:25,800 Speaker 1: by um Ego was playing, It was like, if you 228 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:28,560 Speaker 1: knew the end was coming, how would you spend your time? 229 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:31,600 Speaker 1: Like that question, And like when I get back into 230 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:34,360 Speaker 1: the panel, I'm just like the whole episode is saying 231 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:36,960 Speaker 1: code for right, like we're looking back, we're starting at 232 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:40,640 Speaker 1: where they started. They all started at Stanford together and 233 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:43,120 Speaker 1: trying to get an idea of where they are right now. 234 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:45,719 Speaker 1: And it was so fitting that you just said that 235 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:48,880 Speaker 1: it felt like first season EASTA because I'm just our 236 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:52,600 Speaker 1: time is a construct that we think of as linear, 237 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:55,000 Speaker 1: that's not. It folds in on itself so that it 238 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:57,480 Speaker 1: feels like season one EASTA to me makes sense because 239 00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:00,360 Speaker 1: she's had a completely new season of her life. So yeah, 240 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:03,360 Speaker 1: she still got some figuring out to do. Like what 241 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:05,520 Speaker 1: I was doing back then, I knew it wasn't me, 242 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:11,480 Speaker 1: and what I'm doing right now feels better. I feel 243 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:14,560 Speaker 1: more authentic, but I still can't say that I'm one 244 00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:17,080 Speaker 1: hundred percent sure. And I was just like, yo, thank 245 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:20,680 Speaker 1: you for the truth of that answer, especially that question 246 00:13:20,679 --> 00:13:24,840 Speaker 1: like at what point did you feel stability? Right? Like, 247 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:28,160 Speaker 1: when do you ever feel that? Honestly, I don't know, 248 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:30,680 Speaker 1: I don't know. I was just like, how would I 249 00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:34,400 Speaker 1: answer this question? And I'm just like, when you listen 250 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:37,840 Speaker 1: to everybody else's answer on the panel, the first person 251 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:40,440 Speaker 1: said when they got validation from somebody else because they 252 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:42,720 Speaker 1: gave them money. The second person said, when I got 253 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:46,840 Speaker 1: validation from other people because they asked me for advice. 254 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:49,240 Speaker 1: I'm looking like, look at both of them. The first 255 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:52,559 Speaker 1: two answers were external validation, that's how I know I'm 256 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:55,520 Speaker 1: on the right path type stuff. The third one was 257 00:13:55,559 --> 00:13:57,079 Speaker 1: just like I was able to quit that other job 258 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,840 Speaker 1: that I didn't really want and that felt like, Oh, 259 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,760 Speaker 1: that felt better. It felt like the move towards Yes, 260 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:05,439 Speaker 1: this is for me. This is how I know I'm stable. 261 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:09,200 Speaker 1: I'm stable because I don't have to give my time, 262 00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:12,480 Speaker 1: my energy, or give of myself in places that do 263 00:14:12,559 --> 00:14:15,440 Speaker 1: not feel good for me, and then used to bringing 264 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:19,480 Speaker 1: at home with her answer like I don't know. I 265 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,760 Speaker 1: don't feel it all the time, Like I could wake 266 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:24,240 Speaker 1: up tomorrow and feel like I wasted my time, and 267 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:28,320 Speaker 1: I feel like, yo, if that's not someone screaming at 268 00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:31,400 Speaker 1: all of us that we can pivot, that we can 269 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:37,040 Speaker 1: change our minds, I don't know what is absolutely yeah, 270 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,440 Speaker 1: And I also thought that it was an illustration of 271 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:42,000 Speaker 1: some of the conversations you see online, or like some 272 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,440 Speaker 1: of our behavior online, when we get into this tendency 273 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:47,480 Speaker 1: of trying to compare ourselves to like what other people 274 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:50,200 Speaker 1: are doing. Right, So this person has this great career, 275 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,600 Speaker 1: and this person has this great family and all of 276 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:55,800 Speaker 1: this stuff, but really, like everybody's story is their own, 277 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,040 Speaker 1: and so it doesn't make your story any less or 278 00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:01,040 Speaker 1: better because you're in a different place. It's just different. 279 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:03,200 Speaker 1: Her being on that panel, I thought was a real 280 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:06,200 Speaker 1: illustration of how sometimes we get caught up in thinking 281 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:10,240 Speaker 1: that I should look some way. When it looks whatever way, 282 00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:12,320 Speaker 1: it looks right, it just looks like what it is. 283 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:14,840 Speaker 1: It's just the reality of it. That's such an a 284 00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:21,680 Speaker 1: two yourself. Yes, yes, I texted you to that less nime, 285 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:27,040 Speaker 1: just like, Yo, this is reminding me is the Shout episode, 286 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:29,320 Speaker 1: So you know, I had to go look it up 287 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:31,560 Speaker 1: and go listen and everything, and I was just like, oh, 288 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:35,120 Speaker 1: like seriously, the way that all just came together in 289 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,600 Speaker 1: that space. There was like a touch of like nostalgia 290 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:42,960 Speaker 1: and whimsy and awkwardness to this episode that I was 291 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,440 Speaker 1: number one. I was really digging it and I was 292 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:47,880 Speaker 1: feeling that awkwardness. I was like, oh, gosh, they are 293 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:50,600 Speaker 1: not back, and you can tell that they are not back, 294 00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:54,880 Speaker 1: but they were getting into that space of nostalgia and 295 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:58,640 Speaker 1: just like trying to be present in the moment, but 296 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:02,200 Speaker 1: almost like they were trying to relive the past. And 297 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:04,520 Speaker 1: this is one of those moments where I'm just like, 298 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:07,320 Speaker 1: nostalgia is good to an extent, but let's shi could 299 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:11,120 Speaker 1: get you into trouble. Listen, and we saw that clearly here, right, 300 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:15,120 Speaker 1: so clear. But before we get to that, the other 301 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,520 Speaker 1: part that I thought was really cool because you know, 302 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:20,320 Speaker 1: we love when mirror bitch pops up, and so I 303 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:24,360 Speaker 1: thought that this mirror bitch segment was really cool because 304 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:28,040 Speaker 1: we see her talking to like college Issa, right, so 305 00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:31,240 Speaker 1: twenty one year or nineteen year old Issa, and like 306 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:33,720 Speaker 1: this check in with yourself. If you were able to 307 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,520 Speaker 1: go back and talk to like your college age self 308 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,440 Speaker 1: or nineteen year old self, what would you say and 309 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,840 Speaker 1: would she be proud of you? The part of that 310 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:44,560 Speaker 1: conversation that I really loved college stuff is like, yo, 311 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:47,560 Speaker 1: we got this practice with Molly, got this law firm, 312 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,320 Speaker 1: and it was like, come on now, we didn't really 313 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,880 Speaker 1: want that, right, And I was just like, if you 314 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:54,800 Speaker 1: don't go ahead and say it, you don't say it. 315 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:56,400 Speaker 1: This is why I thought that the whole thing was 316 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:59,600 Speaker 1: about time, because I'm just like, how many of us 317 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:03,600 Speaker 1: are still steady trying to live our fifteen year old dreams. 318 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:08,879 Speaker 1: You were a child when they impressed upon you the 319 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:11,960 Speaker 1: importance of picking what you're gonna be by the time 320 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,800 Speaker 1: you're born. Number one, they're already gendering you and telling 321 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:17,119 Speaker 1: you exactly what kind of partner you're gonna sleep with 322 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,280 Speaker 1: and make babies with. Oh, this is your little boyfriend, 323 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:22,159 Speaker 1: is your little girlfriyer. So we're already doing that. But 324 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:25,760 Speaker 1: then they also voicing these careers on you, like, oh, 325 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,920 Speaker 1: this one's gonna be a doctor. Oh, they're gonna be 326 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:30,200 Speaker 1: at I'm looking like I'm not Jerry, come on, dr 327 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:34,040 Speaker 1: Lawyer and Jena. So it's a constant thing. And just 328 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,960 Speaker 1: like how when you're young, you really do want to 329 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,639 Speaker 1: please your parents, that's your life, like how can I 330 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:42,040 Speaker 1: please them? But some of us forget to let go 331 00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:45,720 Speaker 1: of the dreams of our parents and get our own dreams. 332 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:48,399 Speaker 1: So I feel like just the fact that she was 333 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:51,200 Speaker 1: able to see that the thing that she was doing 334 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:54,440 Speaker 1: back then, trying to be a lawyer, didn't even fid 335 00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:58,480 Speaker 1: who she was or even who she is, and then 336 00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,639 Speaker 1: she was able to come to her own authentic self. No, 337 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:04,199 Speaker 1: I mean it matches with what she gave her that panel. 338 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:07,040 Speaker 1: She gave authenticity, like oh, I love my neighborhood. I'm 339 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:09,639 Speaker 1: passionate about that ain't. Nobody was clapping for that, But 340 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:11,320 Speaker 1: I'm looking like they don't need the clap for it, 341 00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:14,000 Speaker 1: because the reason that we do what we do is 342 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:17,800 Speaker 1: highly personal, and too many of us are looking for 343 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,800 Speaker 1: other people to validate our dreams in the first place. 344 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:22,840 Speaker 1: And the fact that she was able to say what 345 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:28,800 Speaker 1: she said and she was awkward, but I'm still digging 346 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:32,320 Speaker 1: how authentic she was and even just having the conversation 347 00:18:32,359 --> 00:18:34,879 Speaker 1: that she had. Yeah, you know the other funny thing 348 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,240 Speaker 1: I think about that panel, just noticing like what people 349 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:40,000 Speaker 1: were clapping for versus what they weren't. I think that 350 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:43,440 Speaker 1: is like also telling, right, like how people sometimes speak 351 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,560 Speaker 1: in sound bites and say the thing that will be 352 00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:48,959 Speaker 1: quotable or whatever, but it's not actually the real thing, right, 353 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:52,280 Speaker 1: Like in real life, I imagine that us comments like 354 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:54,359 Speaker 1: there would have been a line of people waiting to 355 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,960 Speaker 1: talk to her after this panel she touched on something 356 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,320 Speaker 1: that they could really identify, like the kids in the 357 00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:02,639 Speaker 1: audience who have no idea that you know, what they 358 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:04,959 Speaker 1: want to do, and like they're graduating next semester. So 359 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:08,120 Speaker 1: that's how I imagine that would have played in real life. Yeah, 360 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:10,920 Speaker 1: and I think that people like the narrative of oh, 361 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:13,640 Speaker 1: you're an entrepreneur and it was easy for you, which 362 00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:16,240 Speaker 1: means now I can do it. And I'm just like, look, 363 00:19:16,359 --> 00:19:20,080 Speaker 1: but it's not easy for everybody. It's not simple, and 364 00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:22,639 Speaker 1: you know someone's simple sound bite, it's not gonna be 365 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:25,480 Speaker 1: enough to sustain you when you're going through it and 366 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,040 Speaker 1: when you're trying to make the thing work, or when 367 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:30,159 Speaker 1: you grow the thing and realize that the stuff that 368 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,520 Speaker 1: you was doing when you started can't be the same 369 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:34,879 Speaker 1: stuff that you're doing now that you've been doing it 370 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:38,320 Speaker 1: for a while. It got me thinking about my own business. 371 00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:41,240 Speaker 1: I'm looking like my entrepreneurial journey look mad different like 372 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:44,520 Speaker 1: number one. I never intended. How about that lets started there? 373 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:48,480 Speaker 1: I never intended. I was just like, you know, God 374 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,760 Speaker 1: is the major bully right here, because I'm looking like 375 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,600 Speaker 1: somehow I went from working for somebody else, which I 376 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:55,600 Speaker 1: thought I was gonna be happy to do, to working 377 00:19:55,640 --> 00:20:00,159 Speaker 1: for myself, which granted, youse, Yes, it's been happier, but 378 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,240 Speaker 1: it's also been more work. It's been more tears, it's 379 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:06,800 Speaker 1: been more fighting, and I have had those moments where 380 00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:09,560 Speaker 1: I look like, just like what she said, I'm like, yo, 381 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:11,560 Speaker 1: I could wake up tomorrow morning, I felt like I've 382 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:15,200 Speaker 1: wasted my dad all time. Not but like sometimes I do. 383 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,240 Speaker 1: Even if you don't wake up and say I wasted 384 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:19,080 Speaker 1: my time, you can wake up and say I want 385 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,320 Speaker 1: to do something different, right, Because I think that's the 386 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:23,439 Speaker 1: other pieces that it doesn't have to be that it 387 00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:25,639 Speaker 1: was a waste of time. It just means that maybe 388 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,960 Speaker 1: now you want to do something else. It's about the adaptability. 389 00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:32,480 Speaker 1: The adaptability allows us to pivot, allows us to feel 390 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:35,760 Speaker 1: more free and not feel so constrained by the hands 391 00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:38,359 Speaker 1: of time. Because when we feel like we don't have 392 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,760 Speaker 1: no time left, we start taking all kinds of mess, 393 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:44,600 Speaker 1: acting out of desperation as opposed to like true intention 394 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:49,240 Speaker 1: and desire exactly. So then we start having those conversations 395 00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:52,000 Speaker 1: about shoulds, where we're supposed to be, what we should 396 00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:54,560 Speaker 1: be doing by this time. And I'm like, all of 397 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:58,560 Speaker 1: that is rooted and white supremacist ideals, especially once around 398 00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:02,399 Speaker 1: youth and how when you are young, you're worth something 399 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:04,639 Speaker 1: and you building your life. And this is why so 400 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:07,640 Speaker 1: many people have a fear of turning thirty. They feel 401 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,159 Speaker 1: like their lives are over because they don't know that 402 00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:13,320 Speaker 1: throughout your entire life. You can pivot if you want 403 00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:16,320 Speaker 1: to pivot when you seven to five. You can pivot 404 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,280 Speaker 1: if something no longer brings you joy, you can say 405 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,800 Speaker 1: that you're finished with it. You didn't quit, You're not 406 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:25,640 Speaker 1: a quitter. You are finished, and you get to pivot. 407 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:30,600 Speaker 1: And there's your benediction, ladies and gentlemen. More from my 408 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:43,119 Speaker 1: conversation with Dr Orio Oh after the break. So the 409 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:46,080 Speaker 1: other thing that we see kind of running as a 410 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:49,000 Speaker 1: theme at least throughout this episode. You know, we see 411 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,160 Speaker 1: at registration like they don't have a name to head 412 00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:54,000 Speaker 1: for Kelly, and then we realize that somehow they have 413 00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:57,560 Speaker 1: now categorized her as like deceased, and so there's this 414 00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:01,879 Speaker 1: whole in memorium thing. So it feels like Kelly is 415 00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:05,639 Speaker 1: exploring through this episode like what she has been to 416 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:09,520 Speaker 1: people and like her being the funny friend. You know 417 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,440 Speaker 1: that they reduced her dad. She always had a purse, 418 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:16,959 Speaker 1: she always had a good stinky league mm hmmm, And 419 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:22,280 Speaker 1: it was just like such random, like little factoids which 420 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:26,240 Speaker 1: to me spoke of they never really saw her. And 421 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:29,399 Speaker 1: what I loved about this was how Kelly stood in 422 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:32,240 Speaker 1: that like this is not okay. I'm like that she 423 00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:34,719 Speaker 1: was willing to make everybody uncomfortable in the Daggon car. 424 00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,520 Speaker 1: I was like, please do, please do, because they are 425 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:40,360 Speaker 1: so invested in you being the funny friend at times 426 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:43,159 Speaker 1: that I think they forget that she's got like legit 427 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:47,080 Speaker 1: feels about stuff. I'm like and yes, she's funny and 428 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:49,919 Speaker 1: in a lot of ways she can serve as a 429 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:54,720 Speaker 1: relief of the tension that can be happening between various characters. 430 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:56,959 Speaker 1: But I think that sometimes they forget to see her 431 00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:02,040 Speaker 1: as a whole person, and she demanded it in this episode. Agreed, Yeah, 432 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,080 Speaker 1: I mean there is more complexity to her than just 433 00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:08,560 Speaker 1: like being funny exactly, and how she was like when 434 00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:10,040 Speaker 1: they were getting back in the car, I would haunt 435 00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:13,920 Speaker 1: you in yes, I'm all of y'all, and I was 436 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:17,400 Speaker 1: just like, please, this is for me like a revelation 437 00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:19,920 Speaker 1: of how she was able to speak up and how 438 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:22,280 Speaker 1: her friends were actually able to hear her so they 439 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:25,280 Speaker 1: were able to actually give what they might write or 440 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,040 Speaker 1: what they might say when they were sitting at the restaurant. 441 00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:31,239 Speaker 1: I was just like, sometimes that's what we need to hear. 442 00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:33,399 Speaker 1: We need to hear that you actually know me, that 443 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:36,199 Speaker 1: you see me, that it's beyond I could do a 444 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,880 Speaker 1: thanky lead right or that this is who I am 445 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:41,600 Speaker 1: in your life. I'm more than just like my role 446 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,680 Speaker 1: in your life. I am who I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 447 00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:46,720 Speaker 1: I appreciated that. I hope we will get to see 448 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:50,800 Speaker 1: more of that throughout the season because I was just like, man, 449 00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:54,480 Speaker 1: if you don't bring it on home. So going back 450 00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:59,080 Speaker 1: to knowing when you have outgrown certain relationships, So we 451 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:03,800 Speaker 1: see thatsa Molly Kelly and this friend what's her name, Sharnie, 452 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:07,960 Speaker 1: let's go with it. I think I think her name's 453 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,840 Speaker 1: your name. They had some kind of like rap dance group, 454 00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:13,399 Speaker 1: I guess while they were in college. And so she 455 00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:16,840 Speaker 1: is there at three years something trap right traps up 456 00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:18,399 Speaker 1: that I don't remember what the name of it was, 457 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:22,200 Speaker 1: and so they reunite with her, and then she has 458 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:25,720 Speaker 1: this idea of going to Oakland to like some club 459 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:28,400 Speaker 1: they used to visit, and so they're in the car. 460 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,800 Speaker 1: This is when Kelly makes a comment about like, y'all 461 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:33,199 Speaker 1: only see me as the funny person. They stopped for 462 00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:38,359 Speaker 1: gas and then there is what appears to be liquor, yes, liquor, 463 00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:41,400 Speaker 1: not gas sorry, at a gas station, but she directed 464 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:45,080 Speaker 1: them like there's a liquor store right here, yes, yes, 465 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:48,520 Speaker 1: And then we find out that she has actually set 466 00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:52,159 Speaker 1: them up to be robbed by you know whoever this 467 00:24:52,240 --> 00:25:01,040 Speaker 1: person is that she's working with right who knows little guys, whomever, 468 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:04,320 Speaker 1: And so in that moment, I got really scary. It 469 00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:07,760 Speaker 1: felt to me like the episode last season when we 470 00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:09,840 Speaker 1: were feeling a little leary about the bus and like 471 00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:12,040 Speaker 1: the police officers outside the bus and oh my god, 472 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,560 Speaker 1: what's gonna happen? And I was like, oh my gosh, 473 00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:17,320 Speaker 1: are we gonna take a turn right here? Like what's happening? 474 00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:19,919 Speaker 1: But of course turned out to be like a setup, 475 00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:23,159 Speaker 1: and she just wanted to take Molly's cardier, watching like 476 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:26,080 Speaker 1: her shoes and their purchase and stuff. I just like 477 00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:30,240 Speaker 1: see nostalgia feels lovely. We want to go back into 478 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:32,960 Speaker 1: the past. Sometimes we want to re experience it. People 479 00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:34,399 Speaker 1: tell you all the time, Oh, if I could go 480 00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:35,920 Speaker 1: back to high school, I would do it all again. 481 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:38,840 Speaker 1: I'm looking like why, But I'm looking like nostalgia can 482 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:42,680 Speaker 1: be dangerous. I'm looking like saying, kofa is you look 483 00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:44,880 Speaker 1: back and you look with a critical eye. You are 484 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:49,040 Speaker 1: examining where you were versus where you are now lessons 485 00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:52,360 Speaker 1: learned that you can bring forward things that you've done 486 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:54,199 Speaker 1: well that you want to continue, things that you did 487 00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:55,800 Speaker 1: not do so well, that you want to make sure 488 00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,920 Speaker 1: that you change. It's with a critical eye that one 489 00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:03,760 Speaker 1: looks back in and kofa nostalgia will get you into 490 00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:10,960 Speaker 1: trouble and you have you robbed and robby And was 491 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:13,560 Speaker 1: it was it Kelly who said I never really liked her? 492 00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:16,800 Speaker 1: Wasn't it her who said that they didn't like her? 493 00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:19,960 Speaker 1: It was just like it was like, yeah, I always 494 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:24,080 Speaker 1: knew I hated that girl, just like only y'all remember 495 00:26:24,359 --> 00:26:27,080 Speaker 1: that y'all had a fallen out, you didn't keep in 496 00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:33,520 Speaker 1: touch with purpose, and then your nostalgia you get caught 497 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:35,960 Speaker 1: up and you want to be friends again and see 498 00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:37,920 Speaker 1: how someone has changed. I was like, see how they 499 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:41,040 Speaker 1: changed in public space, Not in your car, not on 500 00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:46,080 Speaker 1: the way somewhere. No, because you don't still know that person. 501 00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:48,760 Speaker 1: You don't know what they have done, you don't know 502 00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:51,000 Speaker 1: what they have become. And I feel like it is 503 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:54,639 Speaker 1: with nostalgia that most people get back with exes. You 504 00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:56,720 Speaker 1: get caught up in the good feelings of what it 505 00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:59,080 Speaker 1: was back then, especially if you're feeling a little down 506 00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:01,479 Speaker 1: on your life in the moment you want to go 507 00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:05,440 Speaker 1: relive your happy days, but don't forgot why you broke 508 00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:08,640 Speaker 1: up in the first place. And this is coming from 509 00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:13,080 Speaker 1: somebody that definitely married her X. How you're gonna come 510 00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:16,200 Speaker 1: in here with your celebration story and tell us don't 511 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:20,439 Speaker 1: do it because we did. I was in sant kofa 512 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:22,280 Speaker 1: not in the start, right, you did the work of 513 00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:25,119 Speaker 1: actually exploring, Okay, what happened, what have we learned, and 514 00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:27,679 Speaker 1: how might we move forward? Now? Yo, it was a 515 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:33,800 Speaker 1: good like two months of just exploring of radical levels 516 00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:36,879 Speaker 1: of ugly honesty where it's like, I don't know how 517 00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,120 Speaker 1: I feel about you, I don't know if I like you, 518 00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:41,480 Speaker 1: I don't know if I love you in this moment, 519 00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:45,600 Speaker 1: and constantly being able to say those things which can 520 00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:48,320 Speaker 1: hurt somebody's feelings, to be quite honest, because we all 521 00:27:48,359 --> 00:27:51,120 Speaker 1: want to feel like we two be's knees and somebody's 522 00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:54,240 Speaker 1: thirsting for us and all that. And when you're having 523 00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:57,560 Speaker 1: that radical level of honesty of like, well, what broke 524 00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:00,800 Speaker 1: us up in the first place, why we break up? 525 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,800 Speaker 1: What has changed in your life? What has changed in 526 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,720 Speaker 1: my life? Where is it that you're trying to go. 527 00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:09,520 Speaker 1: Is this something that you feel like you're also willing 528 00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:12,320 Speaker 1: to do? What are the boundaries? What are the parameters 529 00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:15,239 Speaker 1: of us being together? We don't ask those questions. We 530 00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:17,680 Speaker 1: live in nostalgia. We want to live in the good fields, 531 00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:22,320 Speaker 1: not the more difficult ones. Exactly when strife comes back 532 00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:25,159 Speaker 1: to visit, we fall back into old ways of dealing. 533 00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:28,200 Speaker 1: Then it's like, Yo, you ain't changed, you ain't growing. 534 00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:31,439 Speaker 1: I'm looking like, well, number one, change is constant. I 535 00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:35,320 Speaker 1: don't know anybody that hasn't changed. It's the one thing 536 00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:38,680 Speaker 1: that the life guarantees us changed. Now, you can repeat 537 00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:41,840 Speaker 1: patterns forever if you refuse to learn, because a lot 538 00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:44,360 Speaker 1: of us we know better, but we don't do better. 539 00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:47,920 Speaker 1: And I feel like nostalgia gets you out of that 540 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:51,080 Speaker 1: space of doing better. We just want to feel better. 541 00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:54,560 Speaker 1: And they wanted to feel so good with her that 542 00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:56,880 Speaker 1: they were in this that one position. Now, I'm not 543 00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:59,480 Speaker 1: saying that they have to take responsibility for that, because 544 00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:02,520 Speaker 1: that's out to be victim blaming. But I'm just like, 545 00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:05,800 Speaker 1: y'all didn't even really know her like that and didn't 546 00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:09,960 Speaker 1: like her according to them, Yeah, you're trying to pretend 547 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,480 Speaker 1: like it did again. Yeah, yeah, trying to recapture some 548 00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:14,800 Speaker 1: of that college thing, right, I definitely see it right 549 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:17,680 Speaker 1: when you get into your more adult life and people 550 00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:20,239 Speaker 1: have had kids and jobs, and you know, like the 551 00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:23,280 Speaker 1: idea of the freedom I think of your college experience 552 00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:26,840 Speaker 1: feels like something you want to revisit. But to your point, before, 553 00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:35,200 Speaker 1: we had real beings before deferred until after college. Ray, 554 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:37,520 Speaker 1: you don't know the pain of a student loan until 555 00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:42,480 Speaker 1: you're not a student. Indeed, indeed now. The thing though, 556 00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:46,320 Speaker 1: that I did think was important about this whole scene 557 00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:49,080 Speaker 1: is that it did feel like it gave Molly and 558 00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:53,840 Speaker 1: Issa this new shared experience to bond over. Initially, they 559 00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:56,040 Speaker 1: didn't know that this wasn't real, and so they have 560 00:29:56,240 --> 00:30:00,000 Speaker 1: this traumatic, shocking experience to now have a new store 561 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:03,040 Speaker 1: are you around? Right? Even though they're laughing later, it 562 00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:05,160 Speaker 1: is a new memory. I think that was able to 563 00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:08,920 Speaker 1: like push their relationship a little closer to one another. Yes, 564 00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:12,000 Speaker 1: And honestly, it's reminded me of like in couples work 565 00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,720 Speaker 1: or even in friendship work that I might do with therapy. 566 00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:18,440 Speaker 1: It's like, go do something new together, go have an 567 00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:23,160 Speaker 1: experience together. Like that helps to Number one have y'all 568 00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:26,200 Speaker 1: communicating in different ways. You get to see how you 569 00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:29,840 Speaker 1: feel about the other and yourself because when you're in 570 00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:32,280 Speaker 1: a new situation, your brain is on like hyper alert. 571 00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:34,320 Speaker 1: This is why people feel like they need a vacation 572 00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:37,320 Speaker 1: from their vacation. If you go somewhere new, your brain 573 00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:40,160 Speaker 1: is like, I don't know this place, and I don't 574 00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:44,200 Speaker 1: know these people's new sites. Knew all kinds of things exactly, 575 00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:48,240 Speaker 1: So everything is on like hyper focused, hyper awareness, just 576 00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:50,080 Speaker 1: you know, trying to keep you alive, because that's what 577 00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:52,520 Speaker 1: the body is made to do, so it's doing all 578 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:54,480 Speaker 1: of that. Even in that situation, you know, they're like 579 00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:56,880 Speaker 1: hyper aware life, how are we keep ourselves alive here? 580 00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:02,080 Speaker 1: And they're trying to sho shine. It's like, you will 581 00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:05,560 Speaker 1: get us killed out here, like just hand over the stuff, 582 00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:09,160 Speaker 1: and just how they were bonded in that moment. It 583 00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:11,880 Speaker 1: was just like, oh, snap, let's keep each other alive. 584 00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:16,360 Speaker 1: That translates to, oh, yeah, we love each other, we 585 00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:20,560 Speaker 1: care about each other. So like just having that new 586 00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:27,160 Speaker 1: shared experience post messiness was needed. I think that there's 587 00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:30,240 Speaker 1: a little you know, the nostalgia and wanting to harken 588 00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:33,280 Speaker 1: back to what was back then. And recapture that stuff. 589 00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:36,000 Speaker 1: That's one piece of it, but that other piece was 590 00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:39,240 Speaker 1: just being able to be like, oh, okay, we have 591 00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:43,520 Speaker 1: a new experience together, and I remember that I actually 592 00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:47,280 Speaker 1: do like you more from my conversation with Dr Orio. 593 00:31:47,360 --> 00:32:00,479 Speaker 1: Oh after the break. So then the reunion wraps up, 594 00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:04,080 Speaker 1: everybody is headed back home. We see Issa comes out 595 00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:06,360 Speaker 1: of the airport and who is there to pick her 596 00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:11,040 Speaker 1: up but Lawrence, So hello Lawrence. We had what maybe 597 00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:13,840 Speaker 1: seven or ten minutes left in the episode before we 598 00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:17,280 Speaker 1: ever even saw or heard anything about Lawrence, right because 599 00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:19,920 Speaker 1: when she got to the airport, we didn't see who 600 00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:21,800 Speaker 1: dropped her all. So at this point we didn't know 601 00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:24,040 Speaker 1: where Lawrence was in the picture. But we do see 602 00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:26,720 Speaker 1: that she gets out of the doors and she kisses him. 603 00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:28,920 Speaker 1: So my mind, that means, okay, we have at least 604 00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:32,280 Speaker 1: still been talking during these two months. Word. I was like, 605 00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:36,040 Speaker 1: it was a very perfunctory kiss. I mean, it wasn't 606 00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:37,760 Speaker 1: a kiss though. It wasn't like a hug that you 607 00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:39,440 Speaker 1: give to your home girl who like just picked you 608 00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:42,200 Speaker 1: up from the airport. I might kids, I might getting 609 00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:44,480 Speaker 1: kiss on the cheek the cheek, but it wasn't a 610 00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:46,520 Speaker 1: kiss on the cheek and with some lip action there 611 00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:51,240 Speaker 1: you know. Oh no, it was a real and it 612 00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:53,800 Speaker 1: definitely it definitely. It wasn't like a passion and like 613 00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:55,640 Speaker 1: oh I missed you so much, kids, but it was, 614 00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:59,240 Speaker 1: you know, a kiss on the lips. Yeah. But we 615 00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:02,360 Speaker 1: see them driving back I guess to her apartment and 616 00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:06,000 Speaker 1: there is an awkwardness there also, but again the man 617 00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:08,560 Speaker 1: had to talk about the moon, about the moon, and 618 00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:11,800 Speaker 1: so it's like, okay, what has happened here? Like the 619 00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:14,520 Speaker 1: kiss indicates that there is still some level of like 620 00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:19,040 Speaker 1: familiarity and like connection, but then the drive almost was 621 00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:22,320 Speaker 1: as if like it's somebody she hadn't seen in some time, 622 00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:25,120 Speaker 1: and so it left me kind of confused as to like, Okay, 623 00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:27,880 Speaker 1: what has actually happened in these past two months? I like, 624 00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:30,840 Speaker 1: not even just hasn't seen in some time, but like 625 00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:33,160 Speaker 1: they don't really mess with each other. That's what it 626 00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:37,840 Speaker 1: felt like. It felt as awkward as what was less effort, 627 00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:41,880 Speaker 1: yes than what was being put forth with Lisa and 628 00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:46,840 Speaker 1: Molly's relationship. I was just like, yo, this is hangful, comrade. Yeah, 629 00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:48,520 Speaker 1: and so it's like okay, I mean, I'm sure we'll 630 00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:52,400 Speaker 1: see later. But had y'all not been talking and she 631 00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:54,360 Speaker 1: just called you for a ride from the airport, Like 632 00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:58,960 Speaker 1: what actually happened here? I wondering if he even volunteered. Mmmm, 633 00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:03,400 Speaker 1: not see that very because it's got some different energy, yes, 634 00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:06,480 Speaker 1: and he's trying to like establish some sort of longevity, 635 00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:10,000 Speaker 1: like you want to eat, you want some time food? Right? 636 00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:16,120 Speaker 1: Yeah about that? Give me to the house immediately. Look, 637 00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:19,560 Speaker 1: I am closed to you. I want I don't want 638 00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:21,919 Speaker 1: to break bread with you. I'm not trying to. I'm 639 00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:23,960 Speaker 1: not trying to chill with you, but any longer than 640 00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:26,040 Speaker 1: I have to, because what I have to do, what 641 00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:27,800 Speaker 1: I have to say to you, it's gonna be difficult. 642 00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:30,000 Speaker 1: And we're not get no food, right because that would 643 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:34,719 Speaker 1: have just be labor at the point. Can you imagine? No, Um, 644 00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:36,239 Speaker 1: you want me to pack up this fool so that 645 00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:41,200 Speaker 1: you can leave now that I broke up. We do 646 00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:43,640 Speaker 1: finally get back to her apartment and he is going 647 00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:46,600 Speaker 1: to bring her bag up, and she says, I don't 648 00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:48,640 Speaker 1: think I can do this or something like that. So 649 00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:51,759 Speaker 1: it indicated that maybe they had been trying to like 650 00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:54,879 Speaker 1: keep up whatever was going, but now she has reconsidered 651 00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:57,839 Speaker 1: I'm guessing during her time away and really feels like, 652 00:34:58,239 --> 00:35:00,600 Speaker 1: you know, this isn't actually something I want to participate 653 00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:09,799 Speaker 1: in anymore, a k A pivot. She wanted to pivot. Yes, 654 00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:12,120 Speaker 1: I was just like, if you don't go ahead and pivot, 655 00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:15,359 Speaker 1: go ahead, because it was just like, yeah, number one, 656 00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:19,600 Speaker 1: that was a very awkward car ride. But her get 657 00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:21,480 Speaker 1: into that space of me and Neyble and be like, look, 658 00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:24,200 Speaker 1: we need to talk, Like number one, I appreciate it 659 00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:26,759 Speaker 1: on so many levels because a lot of people out 660 00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:30,000 Speaker 1: here be just ghost and people. That's all we do. 661 00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:31,480 Speaker 1: We don't want to talk to somebody in the more 662 00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:35,520 Speaker 1: we disappear off their lives. So despite the fact that 663 00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:40,279 Speaker 1: used to be mascary full of anxiety and sometimes does 664 00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:43,279 Speaker 1: not like to confront that stuff head on, she confronted 665 00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:45,600 Speaker 1: their head on, which for me felt a lot like 666 00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:48,640 Speaker 1: how she was on the panel confronting the thing and 667 00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:59,000 Speaker 1: speaking up, like when dudes said blocco the block, just like, 668 00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:02,160 Speaker 1: how are you on moderator? He ain't do no researcher act. 669 00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:05,840 Speaker 1: These people not right, but okay, okay, But it felt 670 00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:07,920 Speaker 1: like that where she was just like, look, I'm going 671 00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:10,280 Speaker 1: to correct and we need to set a new course. 672 00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:13,359 Speaker 1: And the course that we were going before no longer 673 00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:15,239 Speaker 1: works for me. I need to pivot. I need to 674 00:36:15,239 --> 00:36:18,240 Speaker 1: pivot away from this. I realized that this doesn't actually 675 00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:20,360 Speaker 1: help all serve me. It is not something that I 676 00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:23,359 Speaker 1: want for myself. I don't think that's gonna work, right. 677 00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:26,440 Speaker 1: I was just like, really appreciative. Now. The only thing 678 00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:28,560 Speaker 1: that I've changed the part she's like, I think I 679 00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:31,759 Speaker 1: would have been like, I don't want this. This is 680 00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:35,160 Speaker 1: not going to work. Short declarative sentences as opposed to 681 00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:39,279 Speaker 1: things that sound like you convinced me how it can work, 682 00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:42,640 Speaker 1: and I'll make it work. But to me, her language 683 00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:45,160 Speaker 1: fits better with their pattern, right, like this kind of 684 00:36:45,239 --> 00:36:47,920 Speaker 1: leaving the door open, and it was clearly just so 685 00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:52,840 Speaker 1: right we get that album like in the next two weeks, 686 00:36:52,880 --> 00:36:56,880 Speaker 1: isn't it November? Something that we are patiently awaiting. It 687 00:36:56,920 --> 00:36:59,680 Speaker 1: did feel like there was just so much sadness because 688 00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:04,440 Speaker 1: a breakup they had before was so painful, right on 689 00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:06,919 Speaker 1: both sides, I think. And so then we saw last 690 00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:10,120 Speaker 1: season that they had this great time hanging out together 691 00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:12,080 Speaker 1: and it felt like they could be moving in a 692 00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:14,680 Speaker 1: different direction. And then of course we find out that 693 00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:17,239 Speaker 1: Condola is pregnant and so it sounds like, or at 694 00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,160 Speaker 1: least what it alluded to, was that in this past 695 00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:21,160 Speaker 1: two months, maybe they had been trying to figure it out, 696 00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:25,200 Speaker 1: maybe trying to make something work, and she just realizes, 697 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:27,439 Speaker 1: you know what, this actually is not something I think 698 00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:30,560 Speaker 1: I'm gonna be able to do anymore right now. Yeah. 699 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:34,400 Speaker 1: I just like that she said it. Yeah, that's definitely 700 00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:37,680 Speaker 1: preferable to like just coasting through it, right and like 701 00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:41,640 Speaker 1: being silently miserable exactly. And I felt like that's what 702 00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:45,359 Speaker 1: she did season one, because which is how she ended 703 00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:49,239 Speaker 1: up cheating in the first place, right, exactly, all the 704 00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:52,919 Speaker 1: things that are left unsaid, that like when you're trying 705 00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:56,200 Speaker 1: to not have a fight with somebody else, you maintain 706 00:37:56,239 --> 00:37:58,839 Speaker 1: your silence but start a war within yourself. I just 707 00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:02,040 Speaker 1: love that she was able to say this is not 708 00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:03,760 Speaker 1: for me. And I feel like this is the pattern 709 00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:06,520 Speaker 1: that she's been picking up when she's being honest about 710 00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:08,240 Speaker 1: what she wants and what she needs from the people 711 00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:13,600 Speaker 1: around her and speaking more honestly about what does and 712 00:38:13,719 --> 00:38:17,040 Speaker 1: doesn't work for her, like within her relationship with Molly, 713 00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:19,440 Speaker 1: and I'm trying to now be good to each other, 714 00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:22,319 Speaker 1: as she told her mirrorself, and just being in that 715 00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:26,000 Speaker 1: space of being able to be like look, no, right, 716 00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:29,360 Speaker 1: and them little them little snaps, the little teasers. I 717 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:32,200 Speaker 1: was just like, listen, so let us now move into 718 00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:34,640 Speaker 1: the teasers that they shared again. I feel like this 719 00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:36,319 Speaker 1: is what really put me over the edge because I 720 00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:38,560 Speaker 1: felt like I was just overloaded at that point. So 721 00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:41,000 Speaker 1: we never actually see the baby, I don't think, right, 722 00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:43,719 Speaker 1: did they show any teasers of the baby? You know, 723 00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:46,200 Speaker 1: I don't not recall single baby. I don't think so. So, 724 00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:48,120 Speaker 1: you know, we don't see any teasers of the baby, 725 00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:50,680 Speaker 1: but we do see it appears like in some of 726 00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:53,839 Speaker 1: the future clips that Lawrence has moved away, because they 727 00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:56,279 Speaker 1: talk about like he's now back in town. So it 728 00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:58,719 Speaker 1: appears that at some point in the future of this 729 00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:01,680 Speaker 1: season there's gonna be a considering is the door officially 730 00:39:01,680 --> 00:39:04,080 Speaker 1: closed with Lawrence? Yeah, And it even seems like she's 731 00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:07,560 Speaker 1: going to be fighting herself about like did I make 732 00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:12,400 Speaker 1: the right choice right, which, given that you know, she 733 00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:16,640 Speaker 1: already said something to that effect in the panel like 734 00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:18,520 Speaker 1: I could wake up tomorrow for the ways of my time, 735 00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:22,680 Speaker 1: I was just like, yeah, who knows what decision to 736 00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:24,839 Speaker 1: come back over? Oh of course it will, of course 737 00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:29,760 Speaker 1: it will. What else did we see in those future clips? Molly, 738 00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:37,360 Speaker 1: of course has a new hair cut in the Yes. Yeah, 739 00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:44,080 Speaker 1: I'm like, yes, please give us unobscured face, We're ready. 740 00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:47,600 Speaker 1: Anything else. I feel like it was also fast to me, 741 00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:50,040 Speaker 1: or maybe it was because I was already and emotionally 742 00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:52,440 Speaker 1: right right, It felt hard to know what the pay 743 00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:55,239 Speaker 1: attention to you. So also at the end, not not 744 00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:57,960 Speaker 1: the future clips where we saw the episode ending or 745 00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:01,040 Speaker 1: before the quite the very ending, we talk Kelly talking 746 00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:04,439 Speaker 1: in her podcast asking this question like, if you knew 747 00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:06,759 Speaker 1: this was the end, how might you prepare? What might 748 00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:09,239 Speaker 1: you do differently? So I wonder if we will see 749 00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:12,799 Speaker 1: more clips from Kelly's podcast throughout the season, that would 750 00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:17,040 Speaker 1: be pretty cool. Yeah, sort of framing the conversation because 751 00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:21,160 Speaker 1: I was just like, hmmm, this question, very poignant question. 752 00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:25,360 Speaker 1: And and at the same time, I think it's because 753 00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:27,839 Speaker 1: we continually like to forget that at some point all 754 00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:31,719 Speaker 1: of us die. So it's not if you knew the 755 00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:34,239 Speaker 1: end was coming, you know that the end has come 756 00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:38,600 Speaker 1: right right, We don't know, but we do know that idiots. Yeah, 757 00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:40,600 Speaker 1: And I feel like that's part of the fallacy of 758 00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:43,480 Speaker 1: make a decision when you're fifteen about what you want 759 00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:45,759 Speaker 1: to do for the rest of your life and never 760 00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:49,040 Speaker 1: pivot and never think about anything else and never want 761 00:40:49,160 --> 00:40:53,200 Speaker 1: anything else. It's part of the lie because it's like, 762 00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:56,720 Speaker 1: let's rush and hurry up and be in the careers 763 00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:59,200 Speaker 1: that we want, doing the work that we want. You 764 00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:01,440 Speaker 1: know that our fifty year old selves before we have 765 00:41:01,520 --> 00:41:06,080 Speaker 1: the fullness of our brain once and never think about death. 766 00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:10,480 Speaker 1: Not really, Let's bully each other into living these lives 767 00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:13,560 Speaker 1: that feel beneath us because of the anxiety and fear 768 00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:17,719 Speaker 1: that we have, Like we're gonna hurry up and get 769 00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:20,800 Speaker 1: to all the stuff that means that we're real people 770 00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:23,919 Speaker 1: that were real grown so that then we can try 771 00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:27,439 Speaker 1: to slow down what feels like this march of death. 772 00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:30,920 Speaker 1: Like young folks don't die. I'm looking like all people 773 00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:33,520 Speaker 1: die at some point. When they die, we don't know. 774 00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:37,359 Speaker 1: And yet the question was if you knew the end 775 00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:39,840 Speaker 1: was like the end is coming. I'm like, if you 776 00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:42,560 Speaker 1: knew that you were going to that tomorrow, what might 777 00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:44,719 Speaker 1: you do? Right? That's a good question, Like if you 778 00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:47,280 Speaker 1: knew that you got one month left, what you're send 779 00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:49,560 Speaker 1: to do out here? How would you spend your time? 780 00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:52,320 Speaker 1: It also felt like commentary on just the show itself. 781 00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:55,520 Speaker 1: So I shared on social media, like when we knew 782 00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:57,680 Speaker 1: that this was going to be the final season and 783 00:41:57,719 --> 00:42:00,000 Speaker 1: the cast started sharing all the you know, pictures from 784 00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:03,520 Speaker 1: season one and whatever, that it felt very meaningful that 785 00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:06,719 Speaker 1: they were giving each other and us space to say 786 00:42:06,719 --> 00:42:10,799 Speaker 1: goodbye appropriately to the shows I appreciate, right, And so 787 00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:13,480 Speaker 1: I felt like her commentary on her podcast was also 788 00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:15,799 Speaker 1: an opportunity to kind of talk about the ending of 789 00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:18,719 Speaker 1: the show, right, So they are saying goodbye to us 790 00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:22,120 Speaker 1: and allowing us into this world and kind of playing that, 791 00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:24,320 Speaker 1: I think into the themes that we're probably going to 792 00:42:24,360 --> 00:42:28,120 Speaker 1: see this season as well, like song playing in the 793 00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:31,600 Speaker 1: background to give a little I hadn't heard that song 794 00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:34,680 Speaker 1: before but clearly, but I went to go look it 795 00:42:34,880 --> 00:42:37,600 Speaker 1: up and done downloaded, and then everything, I'm like, thank 796 00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:42,839 Speaker 1: you Insecure for providing, thank you for another gift you've 797 00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:46,520 Speaker 1: given us. Yes, And I'm just like the lyrics in 798 00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:50,480 Speaker 1: that thing just it's like, you know, like I gave 799 00:42:50,719 --> 00:42:54,280 Speaker 1: an offering. They talked about how they signed a deal 800 00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:57,600 Speaker 1: that they settled for because they were Insecure, and I 801 00:42:57,600 --> 00:43:01,040 Speaker 1: feel like when the song starts playing and her progunta us. 802 00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:05,919 Speaker 1: You know she's asking this question, but I'm thinking about 803 00:43:05,920 --> 00:43:09,439 Speaker 1: what happened right before she's asking this question. It's it's 804 00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:13,640 Speaker 1: Molly and Easa having this conversation about time and how 805 00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:16,480 Speaker 1: she felt like she didn't have a lot of time, 806 00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:19,560 Speaker 1: and that the person that she was back then like, yes, you, 807 00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:22,120 Speaker 1: he just knew he was going to be successful and 808 00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:24,359 Speaker 1: he was just going with the flow and he wasn't 809 00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:27,480 Speaker 1: pressed over nothing like this is what Issa admired and 810 00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:31,400 Speaker 1: Molly that Molly stopped beating, that she stopped having because 811 00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:34,560 Speaker 1: she started feeling pressed for time. So there she is. 812 00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:37,759 Speaker 1: She signed a deal of a bunch of stuff that 813 00:43:37,840 --> 00:43:40,959 Speaker 1: she didn't really want with people that she wasn't really 814 00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:44,440 Speaker 1: digging because she felt so insecure. And I'm just like, yo, 815 00:43:44,560 --> 00:43:49,720 Speaker 1: this song, you love it, So what are you going 816 00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:53,440 Speaker 1: to be keeping your eye open for this season? I 817 00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:56,000 Speaker 1: want to continue to see how time plays a wrong 818 00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:58,480 Speaker 1: because it's like, yes, we know the end is coming. 819 00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:01,880 Speaker 1: I mean we noticed the last season. I'm happy they 820 00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:06,520 Speaker 1: didn't like sprang it on us like five episodes and right, 821 00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:10,000 Speaker 1: so we know we knew in that fans, and I 822 00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:12,640 Speaker 1: feel like we already started to have like this place 823 00:44:12,719 --> 00:44:16,759 Speaker 1: two more and the episode itself gave us so if 824 00:44:16,840 --> 00:44:19,280 Speaker 1: Kelly was gone, we got a little bit of morning 825 00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:22,600 Speaker 1: space there as well of remembering all the things that 826 00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:25,200 Speaker 1: we like that she offered that she brings to the 827 00:44:25,239 --> 00:44:28,440 Speaker 1: show with her character. I'm wondering if we're going to 828 00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:31,360 Speaker 1: get more of that, that piece of feeling like we 829 00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:34,879 Speaker 1: are saying some more final goodbyes. So I'm looking out 830 00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:38,640 Speaker 1: for that for like how we say goodbye, and then 831 00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:40,600 Speaker 1: the therapist and me is also looking for how we 832 00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:45,399 Speaker 1: greet the ending of a show that we love. Definitely that, Yeah, 833 00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:48,600 Speaker 1: I think I'm really looking forward to seeing how the 834 00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:53,320 Speaker 1: sisterhood between the women becomes an even bigger conversation this season, 835 00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:56,279 Speaker 1: right because you know, it seems like Lawrence might be 836 00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:59,280 Speaker 1: moving away until that to me opens even more space 837 00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:03,239 Speaker 1: for the conversations and the relationships between them and really 838 00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:06,040 Speaker 1: looking at like the complexities that exist there and how 839 00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:09,920 Speaker 1: that makes them stronger I think collectively but also individually, 840 00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:13,279 Speaker 1: Like I really feel like Issa had the strength to 841 00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:16,200 Speaker 1: like go back and have that conversation with Laurence because 842 00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:18,560 Speaker 1: she felt stronger in the relationship with Molly just a 843 00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:20,440 Speaker 1: little bit, right, And so I feel like she was 844 00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:22,600 Speaker 1: able to I don't feel like you don't have nothing right. 845 00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:25,000 Speaker 1: She was able to borrow on some of that connection 846 00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:27,279 Speaker 1: to kind of say, you know what, this actually doesn't 847 00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:29,680 Speaker 1: feel good to me anymore. I want to do something different. 848 00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:31,840 Speaker 1: But that's what I'm really looking forward to is seeing 849 00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:33,960 Speaker 1: how that all plays out this season. So you will 850 00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:37,000 Speaker 1: hear me and Dr oriole oh much of this season. 851 00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:40,319 Speaker 1: I'm sharing our thoughts about what we see going on 852 00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:42,160 Speaker 1: in the episodes. So if there are things that you 853 00:45:42,200 --> 00:45:44,840 Speaker 1: want us to cover, you can always send those questions 854 00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:47,640 Speaker 1: to us at Therapy for Black Girls dot com sash mailbox. 855 00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:50,359 Speaker 1: Themes that you want us to explore more, you can 856 00:45:50,400 --> 00:45:53,480 Speaker 1: definitely share those with us there. I'm so excited that 857 00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:57,399 Speaker 1: we get to talk about the season two, so much fun. 858 00:45:57,480 --> 00:46:00,239 Speaker 1: We get to say goodbye in the best way possible. Yes, 859 00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:07,719 Speaker 1: because I need a therapist. Thank you. I'm so glad 860 00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:09,640 Speaker 1: Dr Orio Wall was able to join me again and 861 00:46:09,719 --> 00:46:12,239 Speaker 1: chat about the show. Be sure to visit the show 862 00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:15,080 Speaker 1: notes at Therapy for Black Girls dot com Slash Session 863 00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:17,840 Speaker 1: to thirty one to find out more about her work, 864 00:46:17,960 --> 00:46:20,600 Speaker 1: or to grab a copy of her workbook, Cocoa, Butter 865 00:46:20,680 --> 00:46:22,960 Speaker 1: and Hair grease and don't forget to text two of 866 00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:25,640 Speaker 1: your girls right now and tell them to check out 867 00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:28,600 Speaker 1: the episode. If you're looking for a therapist in your area, 868 00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:31,800 Speaker 1: be sure to check out our therapist directory at Therapy 869 00:46:31,840 --> 00:46:34,960 Speaker 1: for Black Girls dot com slash directory. And if you 870 00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:37,759 Speaker 1: want to continue digging into this topic or just be 871 00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:40,759 Speaker 1: in community with other sisters, come on over and join 872 00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:43,560 Speaker 1: us in the Sister Circle. It's our cozy corner of 873 00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:46,560 Speaker 1: the Internet designed just for black women. You can join 874 00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:50,040 Speaker 1: us at community dot Therapy for Black Girls dot com. 875 00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:52,319 Speaker 1: Thank you all so much for joining me again this week. 876 00:46:52,680 --> 00:46:55,200 Speaker 1: I look forward to continue in this conversation with you 877 00:46:55,239 --> 00:47:01,200 Speaker 1: all real soon. Take good care. Wending to bad foots 878 00:47:01,320 --> 00:47:02,240 Speaker 1: Wood