1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,880 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of five, 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:10,240 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hartunger. 3 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, a practicing physician and blogger. 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,800 Speaker 1: On the side, we are two working parents who love 5 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:19,320 Speaker 1: our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:34,040 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:37,120 Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode two hundred and eighty eight, 11 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:40,400 Speaker 1: airing in early February of twenty twenty three. Our topic 12 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:43,239 Speaker 1: is when things don't go as planned, because, as we 13 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:46,400 Speaker 1: all know, life does not always go as planned. And 14 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:49,199 Speaker 1: we say this as people who love to plan. However, 15 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,839 Speaker 1: I don't think there's nearly as much tension between those 16 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,280 Speaker 1: two concepts as it is often made out to be. 17 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:57,040 Speaker 1: That you know, we plan even though life doesn't go 18 00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:59,800 Speaker 1: as planned, and there's really still some upsides too planning 19 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,760 Speaker 1: when life doesn't go as planned, which we will talk about. 20 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:06,440 Speaker 1: But speaking of things not going as planned, Sarah recently 21 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:09,680 Speaker 1: recovered from a rather lovely illness, which, of course, illnesses 22 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:11,600 Speaker 1: are never really planned and they never really come at 23 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:16,120 Speaker 1: perfect moments. Right, How did you deal with that? Yeah, 24 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,679 Speaker 1: I like tested positive for everything. I mean it was 25 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:22,000 Speaker 1: more I wanted to see if I had flu because 26 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,440 Speaker 1: my daughter I thought had flu in her class had flu, 27 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:26,280 Speaker 1: and I was like, maybe I should do tama flu 28 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:28,640 Speaker 1: or just know if I have flu in case other 29 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 1: members of my family get sick, so that they could 30 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:33,319 Speaker 1: do tama flu. I went to Walgreens. I got a swab. 31 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,440 Speaker 1: It was very easy, and then they called it. They're like, 32 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:39,000 Speaker 1: you have flu A, you also have COVID, like, oh, 33 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:45,000 Speaker 1: flu na and then rona. Stay on NPR up first, 34 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,039 Speaker 1: which is like, as you know, or you may know, 35 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:49,520 Speaker 1: it's like the only news source that I watch or 36 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:52,880 Speaker 1: listen to. The like leading story was people are getting 37 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:55,600 Speaker 1: multiple viruses at once, and I was like, yes, I'm 38 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:58,320 Speaker 1: on the pulse of what is happening. I am cently, 39 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:03,600 Speaker 1: I am trendy, I've been trying exactly. That was definitely 40 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:06,080 Speaker 1: a reminder that life didn't go as planned. And you know, 41 00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:08,360 Speaker 1: this was like mid January. I was so excited, all 42 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 1: these goals, all these fresh dreams for the month. My 43 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:14,080 Speaker 1: best Ly Plans Academy was about to launch, and I 44 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,800 Speaker 1: was kind of like, oh my god, will I'd be 45 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:18,400 Speaker 1: too sick to run that after I've you know, worked 46 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:20,280 Speaker 1: so hard to put it together and have all these 47 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:24,240 Speaker 1: excited participants, and it ended up working out. It was 48 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:26,919 Speaker 1: a rough week. I'm not going to lie an about 49 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:30,440 Speaker 1: was also sick. Nobody else got COVID. She had flu, 50 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:32,880 Speaker 1: I think, and I'll never know, but her COVID was 51 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:34,560 Speaker 1: negative and she was quite sick, and her whole class 52 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:36,520 Speaker 1: had flu, so I think she had flu. But she 53 00:02:36,639 --> 00:02:39,160 Speaker 1: was able to stay home with me, and you know, 54 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:42,200 Speaker 1: she's now going to be eleven in April, so having 55 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:44,000 Speaker 1: a kid that big stay home with you is not 56 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:45,720 Speaker 1: the same as having like a four year old stay 57 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:47,320 Speaker 1: home with you. And she was just able to like 58 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:50,680 Speaker 1: read on the couch and hang out. And I was 59 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:52,800 Speaker 1: lucky enough to get sick over a three day weekend 60 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:56,960 Speaker 1: and then was able to convert my in person patients 61 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:59,640 Speaker 1: to telehealth and thankfully was well enough to do that 62 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,840 Speaker 1: tell health by the time my first patient day rolled around, 63 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:07,160 Speaker 1: so I didn't actually end up missing any work. I 64 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,160 Speaker 1: phoned in a very short best Laid Plans episode. I'll 65 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:12,400 Speaker 1: say if there was anything that got compromised, it was 66 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:14,799 Speaker 1: that it was a very rough day. I think it's 67 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:19,080 Speaker 1: a ten minute episode on being sick and best Laid Plans. 68 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:22,040 Speaker 1: Academy ended up going really well because I had done 69 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:24,600 Speaker 1: a lot of the preparation already in advance. They had 70 00:03:24,639 --> 00:03:27,480 Speaker 1: taken a lot of planning and putting materials together, so thankfully, 71 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,360 Speaker 1: I just needed to be well enough to give my 72 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:33,760 Speaker 1: presentation and I was. So that's kind of how it worked. 73 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:36,440 Speaker 1: And I'm really like, I need to knock on some 74 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:40,400 Speaker 1: hard surfaces or something. But nobody else got sick in 75 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:43,440 Speaker 1: the family, so it turned out to be somewhat of 76 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:46,280 Speaker 1: a best case scenario. But of course none of us 77 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,880 Speaker 1: ever planned to get sick. It's never fun and it 78 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:52,720 Speaker 1: always disrupts something. Yeah, and this is airing in February, 79 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:56,840 Speaker 1: which is of course illness central the whole winter months, fair, 80 00:03:56,880 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 1: I mean our northern hemisphere listeners. Obviously with g brillion, 81 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:02,440 Speaker 1: people will get this in a couple months in their winter, 82 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:08,080 Speaker 1: but the seasonal illness thing is just crazy. And you know, 83 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:12,120 Speaker 1: people who have not had young children don't really understand 84 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:16,760 Speaker 1: how frequently they can get sick. I was finding some 85 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:20,720 Speaker 1: links about this. The Chop Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. Their 86 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:24,960 Speaker 1: literature very cheerfully announces with like exclamation points that young 87 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:28,200 Speaker 1: children can get sick with respiratory or you know, gastro 88 00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:31,120 Speaker 1: intestinal viruses six to eight times a year, like you know, 89 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:34,160 Speaker 1: exclamation point, like you know, you may be surprised to 90 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,039 Speaker 1: find out that it was, like, well, this is nice 91 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:40,599 Speaker 1: little like literature they give out to parents, but it's true, 92 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:45,719 Speaker 1: and we often then need to deal with it as 93 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,960 Speaker 1: the parents of these kids. We can get sick ourselves, 94 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:51,480 Speaker 1: and you know, as a parent, you're sick caring for 95 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:55,240 Speaker 1: sick kids. It's all kinds of fun. Something that is 96 00:04:55,279 --> 00:04:59,080 Speaker 1: probably relevant for our listeners. There is pretty good evidence 97 00:04:59,279 --> 00:05:04,599 Speaker 1: that in mom dad families where both parents work, women 98 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:08,239 Speaker 1: are far more likely to be the ones missing work 99 00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:10,880 Speaker 1: in order to care for sick children. I was looking 100 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:14,040 Speaker 1: up some statistics on this for an article I was writing. 101 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:18,120 Speaker 1: There was a Kaiser Family Foundation survey from several years ago. 102 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 1: The good news is a plurality of families. You know, 103 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,760 Speaker 1: maybe it was like forty percent of working fathers in 104 00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:25,800 Speaker 1: like thirty five percent of working mother said it was 105 00:05:25,839 --> 00:05:29,560 Speaker 1: a shared responsibility in their family that caring for sick children. 106 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:33,159 Speaker 1: But if there was a situation where one parent was 107 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:36,400 Speaker 1: more likely to miss work to care for a sick 108 00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:40,360 Speaker 1: child than the proportion of women who said my partner 109 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:44,080 Speaker 1: does that was only three percent. The proportion of men 110 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:47,080 Speaker 1: who said my partner does that was thirty nine percent. 111 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:50,320 Speaker 1: So we're talking you a thirteen to one ratio in 112 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:53,840 Speaker 1: terms of you know, who winds up missing work for 113 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:57,000 Speaker 1: caring for sick kids. So, you know, not saying that's 114 00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:59,600 Speaker 1: right or wrong. People might have different things, you know. 115 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:03,080 Speaker 1: I'm sure some might be preferenced some as gendered assumption. 116 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:05,920 Speaker 1: It's all over the map. There can be multiple explanations 117 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:12,360 Speaker 1: for any given scenario. But the reality is that as 118 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:17,000 Speaker 1: a mother who has a career, often you do need 119 00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:19,640 Speaker 1: to think about how life will not go as planned. 120 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:22,760 Speaker 1: And even if you you know, even if your partner 121 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:25,520 Speaker 1: is staying home with your kids, even if you know 122 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:28,880 Speaker 1: you have I don't know, twenty four to seven nanny coverage, 123 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:30,919 Speaker 1: there's things that can still go wrong in life. So 124 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:34,160 Speaker 1: you want to always be thinking through this to decide 125 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:37,359 Speaker 1: how you can keep moving forward on your goals and 126 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:41,039 Speaker 1: make life feel livable. So We're going to go ahead 127 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:44,039 Speaker 1: and dive right into you know, how we should plan 128 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:48,200 Speaker 1: given that life doesn't go as planned. Which first, Sarah, 129 00:06:48,279 --> 00:06:51,720 Speaker 1: you're going to make an argument for we still plan, right, Yes, 130 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,880 Speaker 1: I definitely think we should still plan. I mean, just 131 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,800 Speaker 1: what you just said with children getting six to eight 132 00:06:56,839 --> 00:07:01,159 Speaker 1: illnesses a year, pretending that that doesn't have and not 133 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:03,920 Speaker 1: thinking through what is you know, what are the moving 134 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,800 Speaker 1: parts going to have to look like when it does, 135 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:09,720 Speaker 1: is like kind of booling yourself because we all know that, like, 136 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:12,320 Speaker 1: it's much much more likely that there's going to be 137 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:15,640 Speaker 1: multiple rounds of things like this than not. It's actually 138 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:20,080 Speaker 1: other than back in like immediately post pandemic day when 139 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:22,080 Speaker 1: everybody you know, but then other things could disrupt stuff. 140 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,560 Speaker 1: So I guess you know, obviously not a shock coming 141 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:26,880 Speaker 1: from someone who has a podcast called Best Laid Plans, 142 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:30,160 Speaker 1: but I think planning for things is really really important, 143 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:34,360 Speaker 1: particularly looking to see like what could go wrong and 144 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,400 Speaker 1: how could I deal with that? Looking a few weeks 145 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:39,440 Speaker 1: ahead into your calendar, into your husband partner's calendar, and 146 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:42,080 Speaker 1: like figuring out like if a kid is sick, if 147 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,000 Speaker 1: you lose childcare, what would happen. I'm not going to 148 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,400 Speaker 1: say that, like we have a detailed conversation every single 149 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:48,840 Speaker 1: week about like what if, what if, what if? But 150 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:52,000 Speaker 1: we definitely do take the time, especially at the start 151 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:55,080 Speaker 1: of each week to think about, like especially if there's 152 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:57,679 Speaker 1: any signs that a kid could be getting sick, exactly 153 00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:00,600 Speaker 1: who could miss which day, who's more flexible on which 154 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:05,000 Speaker 1: particular days. I would say I probably bear the brunt 155 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:07,400 Speaker 1: of a heavier load, but there are times when my 156 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:10,360 Speaker 1: husband's more flexible and he is able to you know, 157 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:13,560 Speaker 1: maybe start his case is late so that I could 158 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:15,480 Speaker 1: do a morning clinic and then we would swap and 159 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:19,240 Speaker 1: like really really thinking through those things in addition to 160 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:22,840 Speaker 1: thinking about things like you know, where would you go 161 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,720 Speaker 1: for care, Like do you have an urgent care close 162 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:28,600 Speaker 1: by that you've identified? Do you keep your medicines at home? 163 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:31,440 Speaker 1: And like stocked with kind of like the basics, maybe 164 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:33,480 Speaker 1: just even just children's IB your prof intel and all 165 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:37,320 Speaker 1: like whatever you tend to use. Like thinking about the 166 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:40,880 Speaker 1: different scenarios and having those conversations and thoughts before they 167 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,320 Speaker 1: are happening rather than when you're stressed in the moment 168 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:47,040 Speaker 1: is always beneficial. I've never regretted taking that time or 169 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:51,040 Speaker 1: having an extra bottle of producer in my cupboard. Yes, 170 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:53,880 Speaker 1: you're not going to regret having a infant tile and 171 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:57,800 Speaker 1: all in your house, So just go get some more 172 00:08:58,679 --> 00:09:00,760 Speaker 1: if it. You know, if there is as an infant 173 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:03,520 Speaker 1: person under six whatever in your house, you want to 174 00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:06,640 Speaker 1: have that around. But even just backing up from this, 175 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:10,199 Speaker 1: you know, I've seen sometimes people make the argument of like, well, 176 00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,600 Speaker 1: what is the point of planning given that life doesn't 177 00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:14,640 Speaker 1: go as planned? And I mean I think that is 178 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:19,160 Speaker 1: such a false choice. I mean, for starters, yes, life 179 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:21,160 Speaker 1: doesn't go as planned, but a lot of plans do 180 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:24,600 Speaker 1: in fact happen. And there's also certain things that are 181 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,520 Speaker 1: never going to happen if you don't plan. I mean, 182 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,320 Speaker 1: like if you wanted to go back to school and 183 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:31,800 Speaker 1: get a degree, like that does not just randomly sneak 184 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:33,800 Speaker 1: up on you, Like you know, it's not going to 185 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:36,360 Speaker 1: be like whoa next thing? I knew I had my master's. 186 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,600 Speaker 1: You know, who would have seen that coming? Like, you know, 187 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:41,520 Speaker 1: there are certain things that if you want to do, 188 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:45,600 Speaker 1: are going to require planning, even if life doesn't happen 189 00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:47,920 Speaker 1: as planned. I mean, maybe somebody will call you and say, 190 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:50,120 Speaker 1: like we're about to give you and your family and 191 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:53,440 Speaker 1: all expenses paid trip to New Zealand. Like we've arranged 192 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:55,840 Speaker 1: all the logistics, you know, and we called your boss 193 00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:58,480 Speaker 1: and got the days off, you know, but probably not, 194 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:03,240 Speaker 1: probably not. So things going to require planning. Most things 195 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:07,000 Speaker 1: in the next week can to a degree be anticipated, 196 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:10,760 Speaker 1: So we can always use the phrase plan tightly and 197 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:12,920 Speaker 1: then plan lightly, So you know, the next week or 198 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:16,400 Speaker 1: two can be fairly tightly scheduled, with some exceptions. We'll 199 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:19,000 Speaker 1: talk about this in a minute, but then further in 200 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:21,120 Speaker 1: the future, it can be thought of more as intentions 201 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:25,360 Speaker 1: rather than discrete plans. Sarah talked about asking about what 202 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:28,160 Speaker 1: could go wrong. Yeah, I mean you do this though 203 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:30,720 Speaker 1: you're when you look at your calendar, you you ask 204 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:34,040 Speaker 1: what could go wrong one hundred percent. I look for 205 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:38,000 Speaker 1: where people kids have overlapping activities and who has to 206 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:42,040 Speaker 1: drive basic things. I mean, even this week, I anticipated 207 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:44,200 Speaker 1: that we would not be finished recording in time for 208 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,600 Speaker 1: me to take Genevieve to her dentist appointment, and I 209 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:50,480 Speaker 1: arranged to meet our nanny there so that I wouldn't 210 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:53,000 Speaker 1: have to worry about a tight turnaround like things like 211 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:56,160 Speaker 1: that always and the closer I get to a given 212 00:10:56,559 --> 00:10:58,719 Speaker 1: you know, day than the more detail that I'm going 213 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:01,280 Speaker 1: to get with that kind of thing. But I never 214 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:05,400 Speaker 1: regret looking ahead. It's always better to have thought through 215 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:07,959 Speaker 1: a few extra things than to be surprised by something 216 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,840 Speaker 1: that really should not have been a surprise. Or like 217 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:13,560 Speaker 1: if you're you know, my car, there's a light that 218 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,880 Speaker 1: goes on when it needs maintenance, but there's also a 219 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,800 Speaker 1: light that goes on before it needs maintenance. That's like, 220 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,360 Speaker 1: your car is going to need maintenance. I love that light. 221 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,360 Speaker 1: I love that light that lay helps me plan. I 222 00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:24,960 Speaker 1: mean I could choose to ignore it and be like, 223 00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:27,200 Speaker 1: maybe it won't ever, you know, say I need it, 224 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,760 Speaker 1: but in reality it's always going to So this is 225 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:33,120 Speaker 1: my chance to go ahead and book my service appointment. Nice. 226 00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:36,360 Speaker 1: Nice planning ahead. Yeah, part of my Friday planning I 227 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,880 Speaker 1: looking forward to the next week or two and seeing 228 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:43,440 Speaker 1: what could go wrong and maybe scanning a little forward 229 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:45,680 Speaker 1: for that. I will caution people, you probably don't want 230 00:11:45,679 --> 00:11:50,280 Speaker 1: to be thinking too many, too detailed on logistics more 231 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,880 Speaker 1: than a couple of weeks ahead of time, just because 232 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,200 Speaker 1: so much is unknown. That's the tension between you know, 233 00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:58,600 Speaker 1: life doesn't go as planned, and I've talked on this 234 00:11:58,679 --> 00:12:01,640 Speaker 1: podcast before about the amount of effort I put into 235 00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:05,280 Speaker 1: thinking about a certain weekend in May and twenty twenty. 236 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:07,760 Speaker 1: You know, I was thinking about this in like late January, 237 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:10,480 Speaker 1: early February, before everything went down, and I was like, Oh, 238 00:12:10,559 --> 00:12:11,760 Speaker 1: that's going to be a really rough week when we've 239 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:13,160 Speaker 1: got all this stuff, like you know, we're gonna need 240 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:16,040 Speaker 1: multiple trade you know. And then, of course none of 241 00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:18,920 Speaker 1: the things I was worried about actually came to fruition 242 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:20,920 Speaker 1: in May of twenty twenty because they were all canceled 243 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,120 Speaker 1: right because of the pandemic. I mean, there are other 244 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:26,160 Speaker 1: things we had to worry about that weekend, but not that. 245 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:30,480 Speaker 1: So that doesn't mean that if you could see that 246 00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:33,160 Speaker 1: you're going to have to stay late at work next 247 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:36,920 Speaker 1: Thursday and that is when your partner has arranged to 248 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:40,600 Speaker 1: meet his old college buddy who's in town for the night, 249 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:42,280 Speaker 1: that you probably shouldn't think that through like how you 250 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,880 Speaker 1: two are going to solve that. That's something you should 251 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:47,840 Speaker 1: think about three months, four months from now. Maybe maybe 252 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:50,200 Speaker 1: a little less so for random one off things like that. 253 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:53,319 Speaker 1: But yeah, even I'm always thinking about what could go wrong, 254 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:55,680 Speaker 1: and maybe this like a pessimistic way to view through life. 255 00:12:55,679 --> 00:13:01,000 Speaker 1: But recently we hosted Alex's birthday party at this like 256 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:04,839 Speaker 1: climbing gem, and it's not easy to get a time 257 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,360 Speaker 1: for a birthday like they're you know, they do a 258 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:09,960 Speaker 1: lot of parties, and Friday and Saturday and Sundays book 259 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:11,240 Speaker 1: up very quickly. I mean, if you want to have 260 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,720 Speaker 1: a party on like Wednesday afternoon, fine, but you can't 261 00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:15,880 Speaker 1: do that with eight year olds. They have stuff going on. 262 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:20,400 Speaker 1: So I had booked a party for Saturday early evening 263 00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:22,559 Speaker 1: because I thought that'd be a good time. And then, 264 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:26,240 Speaker 1: of course the Eagles wind up in the playoffs, and 265 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:30,280 Speaker 1: I knew that there were four games that weekend. Three 266 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:34,160 Speaker 1: of the slots would have been fine. One of the 267 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:37,720 Speaker 1: slots would have like decimated the attendance at the party, 268 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:40,000 Speaker 1: right probably, I mean some people not you know, but 269 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:42,280 Speaker 1: even like my husband was not gonna be happening because 270 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:45,200 Speaker 1: he had bought tickets. But you buy tickets not knowing 271 00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:49,160 Speaker 1: when the game is going to be for the playoffs anyway, 272 00:13:49,679 --> 00:13:51,400 Speaker 1: So I was definitely thinking that through, like what are 273 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,440 Speaker 1: we going to do if it turns out that it 274 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:56,280 Speaker 1: is the time that he isn't It wound up not 275 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,720 Speaker 1: being it wound up being that his party was five 276 00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:00,440 Speaker 1: to seven pm and the Eagles game was at eight 277 00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:03,040 Speaker 1: fifteen pm that night, so it was all good. My 278 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:06,520 Speaker 1: husband and Sam left from the party like fifteen minutes 279 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,840 Speaker 1: early to get down to you know, the Eagle Stadium, 280 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:13,400 Speaker 1: and it worked. But you know, that is an advanced 281 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:16,160 Speaker 1: level thinking through based on the I see that one 282 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,360 Speaker 1: might not have crossed my radar because like, I don't 283 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,720 Speaker 1: follow pro football, So then I would have been really 284 00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:23,320 Speaker 1: sad and at my party with no guests. Yeah, no, 285 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,240 Speaker 1: I was. You were like, why don't it why I 286 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:29,200 Speaker 1: don't even understand why? Why is nobody here? Well, so 287 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:30,960 Speaker 1: I was like figuring this out. Like once I saw 288 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:32,520 Speaker 1: what the schedule is going to be like, but we 289 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:34,280 Speaker 1: didn't know when the teams weren't playing, I was like, okay, 290 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,400 Speaker 1: when are they going to decide it? I was like, 291 00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:38,040 Speaker 1: is it either going to be on the Tuesday or Monday? 292 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:39,440 Speaker 1: But it turned out to be the Monday when as 293 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:40,760 Speaker 1: soon as they were done with the other games, or 294 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:42,640 Speaker 1: even after one of the games were done, they declared 295 00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:44,720 Speaker 1: that the Eagles were going to be playing the Giants 296 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:47,280 Speaker 1: and at that time, and so then I was like, okay, 297 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,440 Speaker 1: now I can send out the email to everyone, you know, 298 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:52,240 Speaker 1: saying confirm if you're coming. Looks like we'll be done 299 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:54,560 Speaker 1: well before the Eagles are playing, you know whatever. So 300 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:58,560 Speaker 1: you know it's only a few people who not even 301 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:00,000 Speaker 1: the guests. Is like, people will be like, oh, well, 302 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,240 Speaker 1: my husband's going to the game, I'm switching who's picking 303 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,920 Speaker 1: up or whatever. But you know, wound up being fun. Anyway. 304 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:07,440 Speaker 1: On that note, let's take a quick ad break and 305 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,240 Speaker 1: then we would be back with more on things not 306 00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:24,480 Speaker 1: going as planned. Well, we are back talking about life 307 00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:28,720 Speaker 1: not going as planned, particularly thinking about this in winter 308 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:32,520 Speaker 1: with kids getting all sorts of seasonal illnesses six to 309 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:35,240 Speaker 1: eight a year. As we learned, however, that is not 310 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:37,680 Speaker 1: the only thing that can go wrong in life. You know. 311 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:40,360 Speaker 1: We can have professional sports games that people are going 312 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,200 Speaker 1: to watch to watch happening at the same time as 313 00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:44,840 Speaker 1: your kids' birthday party, or perhaps not as it turns out, 314 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,760 Speaker 1: but in general. So we've talked about two things. First, 315 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:50,520 Speaker 1: you still need to plan. Second, ask what couldn't go wrong? 316 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:55,080 Speaker 1: Three make backup plans. So I hadn't really thought of it. 317 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,360 Speaker 1: I guess we were just going to have fewer people 318 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:57,960 Speaker 1: at the party. I wasn't going to be able to 319 00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,960 Speaker 1: move it at that point because we had to book 320 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,400 Speaker 1: at like six weeks ahead of time forgetting the spot. 321 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,440 Speaker 1: But you know, in general, we think of this with 322 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,360 Speaker 1: some stuff already, like if you were planning on going 323 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,520 Speaker 1: to the beach with friends who are in town, and 324 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:11,000 Speaker 1: then you know, what are you going to do if 325 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:12,760 Speaker 1: it rains, Like a lot of people do at least 326 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,920 Speaker 1: somewhat think through that kind of thing, coming up with 327 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:19,080 Speaker 1: an option B, or like call schedule, sometimes you have 328 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:22,400 Speaker 1: somebody on backup call in case sometimes something happens to 329 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:25,680 Speaker 1: the initial person on call. Yeah, no, it's always good 330 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:30,080 Speaker 1: to think about what option B would be, not only 331 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:33,240 Speaker 1: just so things don't go terribly awry, but often if 332 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,720 Speaker 1: you come up with a really cool option B, then 333 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:42,320 Speaker 1: you're not even disappointed necessarily when option A doesn't happen. Right. Yes, 334 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,680 Speaker 1: although I'm thinking about twenty twenty and I'm like, there 335 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:48,080 Speaker 1: was like no option, there's no such I'm thinking about 336 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,640 Speaker 1: all those canceled trips. I mean, sometimes you can't, but 337 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:53,480 Speaker 1: most of the time you can, or I guess even 338 00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:57,560 Speaker 1: in those times, people did scrape together some decent like 339 00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:01,720 Speaker 1: family staycations or you know, zoom alternatives to in person 340 00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:04,040 Speaker 1: gatherings and stuff. So I guess people had to be 341 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,480 Speaker 1: creative and Option BE in those contacts may not have 342 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:10,960 Speaker 1: been quite as appealing as Option A, but better than nothing, 343 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,359 Speaker 1: I guess better than nothing. Again, I've started, you know, 344 00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,480 Speaker 1: some of my contracts. It's like if you you know, 345 00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:19,000 Speaker 1: if there's like flight cancelations, right, you know, you can 346 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,080 Speaker 1: in fact give it virtually, and sometimes that would be 347 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:24,600 Speaker 1: Option B. You know it would be a suitable Option BE, 348 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:26,320 Speaker 1: but sometimes you know it's not. You have to move 349 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:29,280 Speaker 1: the speech around if you're flight is canceled or something 350 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:33,480 Speaker 1: like that. But I was remember in October of twenty twenty, 351 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:35,879 Speaker 1: you know, we've figured out that probably trick or treating 352 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,159 Speaker 1: wasn't going to happen, even though now we know that 353 00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:41,480 Speaker 1: probably would have been fine, you know, just like you're outside. 354 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:43,760 Speaker 1: I mean, people didn't really know all this stuff the 355 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:47,280 Speaker 1: earlier in the in the pandemic, but we wound up 356 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:51,200 Speaker 1: going to so many, like other community events that were 357 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:55,439 Speaker 1: outdoors or that were socially distanced with throwing candy at 358 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,520 Speaker 1: the kids or whatever it was, or you go through 359 00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:01,159 Speaker 1: a parade in your car, through different things, and we 360 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,960 Speaker 1: went through so many of those that I'm not sure 361 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,160 Speaker 1: the kids even noticed that they didn't go trick or treating. 362 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:09,360 Speaker 1: Like the sheer volume of candy that had come up 363 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,320 Speaker 1: in our house and the number of occasions on which 364 00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:14,720 Speaker 1: they wore their costume was such that it was like 365 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:18,480 Speaker 1: a full Halloween schedule, and that was on purpose, Like 366 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,359 Speaker 1: that was the option B. I was like, you know, 367 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:21,760 Speaker 1: this so stinks that if we're not going to be 368 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,879 Speaker 1: able to do option A trick or treating, like, let's 369 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,720 Speaker 1: come up with everything else we could do. And it 370 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:31,320 Speaker 1: was actually, you know, pretty fun. So yeah, always be 371 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:36,040 Speaker 1: thinking of Option B. Leave open space in general. So 372 00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:40,280 Speaker 1: this is tranquility by two. Yeah. Yeah. Rule number five 373 00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:42,840 Speaker 1: is to create a backup slot. And I think of 374 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:44,920 Speaker 1: this as like a rain date. So if you get 375 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:48,439 Speaker 1: invited to, say a summer outdoor event, there's often a 376 00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:51,400 Speaker 1: rain date for it. And this is just an incredibly 377 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:55,719 Speaker 1: brilliant concept because the organizers are acknowledging that much can 378 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,760 Speaker 1: go predictably wrong outside I mean the rain date name, 379 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:02,240 Speaker 1: and yet there's no question of whether the event will 380 00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:04,200 Speaker 1: be rescheduled or for when it will be on the 381 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:07,560 Speaker 1: rain date, and so that vastly increases the chances of 382 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:11,439 Speaker 1: the original event happening, even if not at the original time, 383 00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:14,479 Speaker 1: And so in life we want to think of creating 384 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:18,240 Speaker 1: a lot more rain dates for things in general, and 385 00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:21,040 Speaker 1: sometimes it actually has been specifically a rain date for 386 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:23,880 Speaker 1: things I want to do. I remember a couple summers ago, 387 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,840 Speaker 1: I was trying to work in everyone's mommy days. You know, 388 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,640 Speaker 1: Sarah and I have both done this. They take each 389 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:31,560 Speaker 1: of your kids somewhere for a day for something fun 390 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:33,200 Speaker 1: that the kid wants to do. And one kid wanted 391 00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,119 Speaker 1: to go to an amusement park, which, of course, again 392 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,840 Speaker 1: many things that can go predictably wrong with attempting to 393 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:40,199 Speaker 1: get to an amusement park, And it turned out that 394 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:42,080 Speaker 1: the day that we planned to go there was like 395 00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:44,199 Speaker 1: a tornado warning for that area, so it was like 396 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:47,320 Speaker 1: not going to happen, even if like the safety issue, 397 00:19:47,359 --> 00:19:49,840 Speaker 1: and there would have been miserable with like pouring down 398 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:55,600 Speaker 1: rain and everything. So I had intentionally left a weekend 399 00:19:55,680 --> 00:20:00,200 Speaker 1: day pretty open, and I had asked ahead of time, like, Michael, well, 400 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:02,520 Speaker 1: don't you put anything either, like you're going to be 401 00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:04,160 Speaker 1: with the rest of the kids on that day. If 402 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,280 Speaker 1: this day gets taken away from us, during the week, 403 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:09,360 Speaker 1: and indeed it was with the tornado. So we went 404 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:12,040 Speaker 1: on I don't know if a Saturday or Sunday, but 405 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,320 Speaker 1: that had been set up as in fact a rain date, 406 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:15,639 Speaker 1: so we still got to do it. And it's the 407 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,679 Speaker 1: kind of thing like, you know, you can envision like 408 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,520 Speaker 1: lots of disappointment happening if we hadn't done that right, 409 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:21,720 Speaker 1: because we had said we were going to do this 410 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,520 Speaker 1: and there's a tornado, Like the kid be really really 411 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:26,639 Speaker 1: disappointed if they can't go, and then your schedule is 412 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,320 Speaker 1: blocked up for days and there's it's probably two with 413 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:32,480 Speaker 1: camps or whatever else. But we had both left this 414 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:37,040 Speaker 1: open in order to have it. Yeah, go, yeah, I 415 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:40,400 Speaker 1: just love the concept. I love your wording resilient schedule, 416 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:43,159 Speaker 1: like you are you should trademark that or something. I 417 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:46,080 Speaker 1: think I should trademark that. But okay, I had never 418 00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:47,959 Speaker 1: heard that phrase, and I think it's just a great 419 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:51,840 Speaker 1: descriptor because I think some people's impulses to create a 420 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,440 Speaker 1: very non you know, a resilience schedule that like every 421 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,840 Speaker 1: you know, it's packed into every moment, and sometimes I 422 00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:59,160 Speaker 1: myself been tempted to that, but I think I've gotten 423 00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:02,520 Speaker 1: better or the years to really leave some blank space. 424 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:05,320 Speaker 1: For example, you and I never record like two seconds 425 00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:07,520 Speaker 1: before you know our episodes are due. We always leave 426 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,760 Speaker 1: a little bit of leeway. In general, I feel like 427 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:13,760 Speaker 1: there are certain days of the week, like Friday afternoons 428 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:16,119 Speaker 1: and Thursdays where I try to just leave some like 429 00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:19,680 Speaker 1: blankness to just clean up messes that probably got started. 430 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,800 Speaker 1: Or like if I do have someone off somebody who 431 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:24,359 Speaker 1: wants to meet with me that I actually have some 432 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,199 Speaker 1: time available in the near future, I don't have to 433 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:28,160 Speaker 1: give them a date like you know, four weeks in advance, 434 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:31,360 Speaker 1: and then clinically. I've talked about this, but I figured 435 00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:34,959 Speaker 1: out that I need to just request random vacation days 436 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,880 Speaker 1: throughout the year, like in addition to like the days 437 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:40,280 Speaker 1: I know I want to be off sometimes to have 438 00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:42,560 Speaker 1: if there's like a long stretch and I haven't booked 439 00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:45,080 Speaker 1: anything in terms of paid time off days, I have 440 00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:47,880 Speaker 1: to actually reserve them. Because the thing is the way 441 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:50,680 Speaker 1: we schedule so far out with patients. If I don't 442 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:54,320 Speaker 1: have somewhere that's like open to move patients too, then 443 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,359 Speaker 1: if something did come up, it's like, oh well, sorry, Sarah, 444 00:21:57,359 --> 00:21:59,159 Speaker 1: I know that's four months in advance, but like, you know, 445 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:00,760 Speaker 1: if we move those patients, where were going to move them, 446 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:02,920 Speaker 1: because you're boked until eight months in advance. And it's like, 447 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,320 Speaker 1: oh my god. So I figured out that I just 448 00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:07,440 Speaker 1: have to like leave some of these random one offs 449 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:10,080 Speaker 1: and worst case scenario if I decide, oh, I don't 450 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:12,320 Speaker 1: actually need to use that day. I mean, first of all, 451 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:14,240 Speaker 1: I can usually always talk myself into using a day, 452 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:16,919 Speaker 1: but if I can't, then the nature of what I 453 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:18,840 Speaker 1: do is that usually there's many patients we could put 454 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:20,399 Speaker 1: in as like, hey, we have an opening, would you 455 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,200 Speaker 1: like to come sooner? And we could fill that day 456 00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:25,800 Speaker 1: without a problem. So definitely love the concept of a 457 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,400 Speaker 1: resilient schedule. And I think part of that is just 458 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,440 Speaker 1: don't pack it like sardines with one thing right next 459 00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:33,719 Speaker 1: to each other. Don't pack your zoom meetings, you know, 460 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:36,040 Speaker 1: eleven to twelve and twelve to one, Like it should 461 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:39,000 Speaker 1: be like eleven to eleven forty and twelve to twelve 462 00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:42,359 Speaker 1: twenty five or you know, whatever it is. Yeah, I 463 00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:45,160 Speaker 1: feel like this is when people get really into scheduling. 464 00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:47,600 Speaker 1: At the beginning. It's often with like young people, and 465 00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:49,720 Speaker 1: so there's some kids and you know, teens who start 466 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:52,480 Speaker 1: getting into scheduling right and then they create these every 467 00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:55,760 Speaker 1: five minute schedules for their evening or it's like no, no, 468 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,720 Speaker 1: life doesn't go like that. That's but you have to 469 00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:02,439 Speaker 1: discover that often on your but you allocate five minutes 470 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:04,320 Speaker 1: to X and then five minutes to why, you won't 471 00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:06,760 Speaker 1: stick with any of it. You won't remember it. But 472 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:10,000 Speaker 1: you know, sometimes people are still doing that as adults 473 00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:11,920 Speaker 1: of like thinking they will get through all these things. 474 00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:15,919 Speaker 1: But the more open space you have, the better you 475 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:19,359 Speaker 1: will be able to accommodate stuff that goes wrong. You know. 476 00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:22,760 Speaker 1: I attempt to leave Fridays more open because then if 477 00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:26,120 Speaker 1: something takes longer than expected, there's a place to put 478 00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:27,679 Speaker 1: the spill over. I can still get to it on 479 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:29,520 Speaker 1: Friday without having to bump it to the next week, 480 00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:32,520 Speaker 1: which will probably have crises of its own. You know, 481 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:36,119 Speaker 1: if an emergency happens and something gets bumped from earlier 482 00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:38,240 Speaker 1: in the week, it can go on Friday. Or if 483 00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:41,639 Speaker 1: something really cool comes up right like that I didn't 484 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,960 Speaker 1: know about at the beginning of the week and as 485 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:47,040 Speaker 1: some brand new opportunity, then I've got space on Friday 486 00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:51,040 Speaker 1: to schedule anything that needs to happen with that to 487 00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:54,119 Speaker 1: bring that to fruition. So definitely something I'm trying to do. 488 00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:57,240 Speaker 1: I know not everyone can do that. I'm well aware 489 00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:58,560 Speaker 1: of that. That's the first thing people say, well, I 490 00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:00,479 Speaker 1: can't leave all of Friday. I'm not saying you have to. 491 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:03,199 Speaker 1: I'm saying put some open space in your life. So 492 00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:06,879 Speaker 1: maybe it's you know, an open hour a day. Maybe 493 00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:11,000 Speaker 1: it is two afternoons a week are mostly open with 494 00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:13,200 Speaker 1: just a little bit here and there. But but whatever 495 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:14,879 Speaker 1: you can do to get in the habit of leaving 496 00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:18,680 Speaker 1: a little bit more open space. It sounds like, well, 497 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:21,159 Speaker 1: how could I am so busy? You'll be less busy 498 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:24,080 Speaker 1: if you do this, because then you won't keep bumping 499 00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:27,479 Speaker 1: stuff to the next week. And that's what makes us 500 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:29,520 Speaker 1: feel all tightly packed, is when we're still catching up 501 00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:31,679 Speaker 1: from the previous stuff as we're trying to deal with 502 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:34,200 Speaker 1: this stuff that's you know, immediately in front of us. 503 00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:37,240 Speaker 1: So I just realized it's like, it's like a time 504 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:39,840 Speaker 1: emergency fund. It is a time emergency fund. That's a 505 00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:42,800 Speaker 1: that's a good way to refer to it because and 506 00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:45,239 Speaker 1: in fact, in one of the people who was in 507 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:48,199 Speaker 1: the tranquility by Tuesday Project who learned the strategy of 508 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:51,760 Speaker 1: building a more open space. She says, I felt almost 509 00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:56,400 Speaker 1: too relaxed. Isn't that quite a line? But she said 510 00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:59,040 Speaker 1: she did everything she was supposed to do that week right, 511 00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:02,480 Speaker 1: Like everything got done. So clearly she had just been 512 00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:05,960 Speaker 1: living in this state of panic in her previous life 513 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:09,520 Speaker 1: without the space to put the spill over, and you 514 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:12,600 Speaker 1: know that creates its own problems. She had been living 515 00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,800 Speaker 1: the equivalent of paycheck to paycheck as far as time 516 00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:18,679 Speaker 1: was concerned. And having open space is like having that 517 00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:21,760 Speaker 1: emergency fund. So when your roof springs a leak, you 518 00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:23,879 Speaker 1: are not going into debt. You were just paying it, 519 00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:27,320 Speaker 1: Move it on with your life, love it. And then 520 00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:29,560 Speaker 1: finally I think we wanted to talk about the idea 521 00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:32,560 Speaker 1: that like sometimes we had to like shift our perspective 522 00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:35,120 Speaker 1: on plans changing. And this is partly for me because 523 00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,480 Speaker 1: I loved a plan and I don't like when plans change. 524 00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:40,040 Speaker 1: But sometimes I have to recognize, like what is an 525 00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:44,639 Speaker 1: actual emergency and what is more crafted or artificial. So 526 00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:49,040 Speaker 1: for example, moving a podcast recording or even gasp, releasing 527 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:52,800 Speaker 1: an episode one daily like not actually an emergency. Nobody's 528 00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:56,200 Speaker 1: bleeding like it's okay, or you know, moving a day 529 00:25:56,200 --> 00:26:00,399 Speaker 1: of patience to a different day, or like having to 530 00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:03,639 Speaker 1: not even go on that trip with my husband that 531 00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:05,280 Speaker 1: I was so looking forward to and then we both 532 00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:07,119 Speaker 1: got COVID and drove home and it like sucked. Like 533 00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:11,199 Speaker 1: as frustrating as those things are, like perspective, We're healthy, 534 00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:14,240 Speaker 1: we made it through. We can take more trips in 535 00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:17,720 Speaker 1: the future. That wasn't our last chance. And sometimes to 536 00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:20,280 Speaker 1: just you know, remember that things that seem very rigid 537 00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:22,879 Speaker 1: and very well, this is what I had planned, Like, 538 00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:25,880 Speaker 1: you know, the worst case scenario is not actually that bad. Obviously, 539 00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:27,760 Speaker 1: there are things in life where the worst case scenario, 540 00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:30,640 Speaker 1: you know, is that bad. Getting your kid a refill 541 00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:33,840 Speaker 1: of a medication that keeps them alive, for example, that's 542 00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:37,840 Speaker 1: like an actual emergency, but like moving your family trip not. 543 00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:43,359 Speaker 1: And then part of that is celebrate when things do 544 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:46,600 Speaker 1: go right. And sometimes we don't pause to acknowledge this 545 00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:50,640 Speaker 1: that like, oh that went well, things did go as planned. 546 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,919 Speaker 1: You know, I should note that, especially if we're prone 547 00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:56,720 Speaker 1: to think of, oh, you know, why even plan, Like 548 00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:59,119 Speaker 1: I can't stick with the plan, so why even bother me? 549 00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:01,480 Speaker 1: And there's many things that do go right. I mean, 550 00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:03,560 Speaker 1: you know, after a couple of years of you guys 551 00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:08,359 Speaker 1: having a COVID Christmas issues, Yeah, you had a great 552 00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:11,080 Speaker 1: trip and nobody was sick on that trip and nobody 553 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,959 Speaker 1: got hurt exactly so. And honestly, if I had had 554 00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,199 Speaker 1: to choose whether my July trip got messed up or 555 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:18,000 Speaker 1: that trip got messed up, I would have picked the 556 00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:20,480 Speaker 1: July trip getting messed up. So there you go. You 557 00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:22,600 Speaker 1: win some, you lose them, but you win some. You 558 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:25,040 Speaker 1: win some, you win some, and in fact sometimes we 559 00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:27,760 Speaker 1: win some when things like go. I mean, you're talking 560 00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:29,720 Speaker 1: about things don't go as planned. I mean that sounds like, 561 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:31,680 Speaker 1: you know, we've been mostly talking about it in a 562 00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:34,760 Speaker 1: kind of negative context of things coming up that are 563 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,320 Speaker 1: not planned, that are taking us away from what we 564 00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:40,080 Speaker 1: had hoped to do in a somewhat negative way. Although 565 00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:42,359 Speaker 1: I mentioned earlier it's sometimes a good opportunity would come 566 00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:44,000 Speaker 1: and you want to have space for that too. So 567 00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:47,080 Speaker 1: maybe have that mindset as well, that sometimes things go 568 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:52,080 Speaker 1: unexpectedly right, like you're not planning for them, like blind 569 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:56,440 Speaker 1: luck can happen. You know, we've been pondering that. This February, 570 00:27:56,480 --> 00:28:00,359 Speaker 1: I was mentioning this Sarah that on February fifteen of 571 00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:05,760 Speaker 1: two thousand and three, so exactly twenty years ago of 572 00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:09,720 Speaker 1: this month, I walked into a bar in New York 573 00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:13,000 Speaker 1: City that was my second bar of the night because 574 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,879 Speaker 1: I was young and did things like that then, you know, 575 00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:18,600 Speaker 1: and I was a friend was bored and texting base. 576 00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:20,480 Speaker 1: I was like, okay, fine, I'll leave this party I'm 577 00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:23,360 Speaker 1: at and go hang out with her, and then started 578 00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:26,119 Speaker 1: talking to a gentleman at the bar, and you know, 579 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:30,240 Speaker 1: here we are twenty years later, so with a lot 580 00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:32,280 Speaker 1: of kids, with a lot of kids. You know, it's 581 00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:33,680 Speaker 1: a good thing you didn't mention that at the bar. 582 00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:39,960 Speaker 1: I probably would have been fleeing out the door unexpected 583 00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:44,400 Speaker 1: working out. I worked out. Yeah, yeah, blind luck, you know, 584 00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:47,520 Speaker 1: blind luck that this podcast existed, ready to start a 585 00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:50,880 Speaker 1: podcast when I was writing about starting a podcast. So like, hey, 586 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,600 Speaker 1: you just never know. Here we are five and a 587 00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:56,320 Speaker 1: half years later, right, you know, So all these things 588 00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:58,200 Speaker 1: that wind up being a big part of our lives 589 00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:01,480 Speaker 1: that we don't necessarily see coming, So leave ourselves open 590 00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:04,800 Speaker 1: to opportunity as well when things don't go as planned. 591 00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:09,040 Speaker 1: So we're gonna do a real quick check in on 592 00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:12,000 Speaker 1: our goals and habits. We've been hearing from a lot 593 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:15,640 Speaker 1: of folks about our Goals episode. People who listen to 594 00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:18,080 Speaker 1: this podcast just love goals, you know, it's the we're 595 00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:20,880 Speaker 1: into that. I love it. I love that they love it. 596 00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:23,120 Speaker 1: And yes, I've gotten like comments from people I know 597 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:24,800 Speaker 1: in real life that listened to that episode, and I 598 00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:29,120 Speaker 1: was like, wow, awesome exactly. So we thought we'd do 599 00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:31,840 Speaker 1: like a rapid fire like update, like a very checking in. Okay, 600 00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:34,960 Speaker 1: so one month in, Sarah, what have you done? I 601 00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:38,920 Speaker 1: tracked time for two weeks. I have appreciated some art. 602 00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:40,680 Speaker 1: I went to a movie in the theaters. I saw 603 00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:43,040 Speaker 1: a man called Auto and I cried. I have been 604 00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:46,080 Speaker 1: listening to more music yesterday this like, oh, I don't 605 00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:47,160 Speaker 1: remember the name of the band, but it was like 606 00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:48,960 Speaker 1: this Welsh band and I'm like, who knew? I liked 607 00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:52,840 Speaker 1: Welsh Welsh music like it sounded like Irish dancing. It 608 00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:55,000 Speaker 1: was awesome. Anyway, I'll put in the show notes or something. 609 00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:57,360 Speaker 1: I have been watching more TV. You remember. That was 610 00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:58,920 Speaker 1: my goal, although it was mostly when I was sick, 611 00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:03,320 Speaker 1: but still are library routine is like on point, loving it, 612 00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:05,640 Speaker 1: and my house is not any more organized than it 613 00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:07,320 Speaker 1: was at the end of twenty twenty two. But I 614 00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,760 Speaker 1: have high hopes and I am not giving good. Well, 615 00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:13,280 Speaker 1: my house is slightly more organized, Like I'll go ahead 616 00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:15,280 Speaker 1: and you know, do my little like shout out for 617 00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:18,760 Speaker 1: myself here, because I have been assigning myself like one 618 00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:22,880 Speaker 1: small spot per weekend, which I think is a good pace. 619 00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:24,920 Speaker 1: Like you're not gonna you can tell your something like, well, 620 00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:26,720 Speaker 1: I'm gonna get through all the boxes this week You're not, 621 00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:28,640 Speaker 1: because like you still have everything else that you have 622 00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:31,200 Speaker 1: to do, you know, you grocery shopping or laundry, you know, 623 00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:33,120 Speaker 1: deal with the kids' activities and all that, and then 624 00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:35,960 Speaker 1: you want to relax. Like the amount of time you 625 00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:39,400 Speaker 1: have for discretionary projects on any given weekend is incredibly limited, 626 00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:42,040 Speaker 1: so you want to make sure that it is focused. 627 00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:44,560 Speaker 1: And so I said, Okay, I'm gonna do like these 628 00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:46,479 Speaker 1: four boxes in the living room this weekend, and then 629 00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:49,000 Speaker 1: I'm gonna do the boxes in the other corner the 630 00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:50,400 Speaker 1: next weekend, and then I'm gonna do this stuff in 631 00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:53,239 Speaker 1: the laundry room the next weekend. And each weekend I 632 00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:55,440 Speaker 1: have and I have gotten through that, and so now 633 00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:59,240 Speaker 1: we have far fewer boxes in the living room. It 634 00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:02,240 Speaker 1: is almost ready for the lamps, which we learned in 635 00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:06,320 Speaker 1: the previous episode. It needs we are getting stuff out 636 00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:08,880 Speaker 1: the door, so I'm hoping to, you know, assign myself 637 00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:10,920 Speaker 1: a few more spots over the next time. But a 638 00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:13,320 Speaker 1: goal was to get the boxes unpacked, and I would 639 00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:17,200 Speaker 1: say that there are significantly fewer boxes now than there 640 00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:21,440 Speaker 1: were when we recorded that episode. So yay strength training. 641 00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:23,800 Speaker 1: I am meeting with the trainer as discussed in the 642 00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:26,560 Speaker 1: previous episode, so yay on that. I am also reading 643 00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:30,200 Speaker 1: ten pages a day of my Jane Jane Austen. I'm 644 00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:32,960 Speaker 1: in her Juvenilia, although I'm finding out that some of 645 00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:35,400 Speaker 1: her half finished work has been put in the Juvenile 646 00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:38,080 Speaker 1: even though she might have written it later. So I've 647 00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:40,760 Speaker 1: still going to have to organize how I read the 648 00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:44,400 Speaker 1: stuff that is not in the sixth novel canon that 649 00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:47,080 Speaker 1: people know of. Stay tuned. I'm sure those of you 650 00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:51,720 Speaker 1: who are Jane Austin scholars were hanging on every We're 651 00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:54,560 Speaker 1: just waiting to hear how I would deal with that 652 00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:57,360 Speaker 1: issue on the reading, and maybe you have ideas and 653 00:31:57,400 --> 00:31:59,720 Speaker 1: so our Jane Austen scholars can write me about that. 654 00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:02,880 Speaker 1: I've been writing two lines a day and my sonne 655 00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:06,000 Speaker 1: every day completed. You know. We're recording this in sort 656 00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:08,600 Speaker 1: of late January. I've completed three, halfway through four. It 657 00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:11,200 Speaker 1: is very doable. I'm excited about it. I will have 658 00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:14,000 Speaker 1: written fifty two sonnets probably at the end of the 659 00:32:14,080 --> 00:32:18,440 Speaker 1: year singing. So I'm doing a little bit more of 660 00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:21,320 Speaker 1: vocal exercises, probably not as much as I thought I would. 661 00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:24,560 Speaker 1: But here's the funny part. So I'd talked about signing 662 00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:27,280 Speaker 1: up for voice lessons. I wound up signing my son 663 00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:31,320 Speaker 1: up for voice lessons. Somehow he wanted to do it. 664 00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:34,440 Speaker 1: I got my act to gather to get him signed up, 665 00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:37,959 Speaker 1: like inside a week with the particular teacher that his 666 00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,840 Speaker 1: high school choir director had recommended. We've got in touch 667 00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:43,920 Speaker 1: with her, got him on her schedule and all this stuff. 668 00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:46,120 Speaker 1: I've been talking about doing this for six years, have 669 00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:48,360 Speaker 1: not signed myself up. So maybe that's my sign. Maybe 670 00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:50,400 Speaker 1: I don't they've been not doing it, but I don't know. 671 00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:52,400 Speaker 1: My chamber choir is going to start singing and soon, 672 00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:57,200 Speaker 1: so I'm excited about that. And in terms of couple connection, 673 00:32:57,360 --> 00:33:00,240 Speaker 1: like having more time with my husband without care kids. 674 00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:02,520 Speaker 1: We are still eating lunch together many days that we 675 00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:05,320 Speaker 1: were both home at noon. We've started going to the 676 00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:08,360 Speaker 1: gym together some weekends. That's fun. You know, if we 677 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:10,120 Speaker 1: have a sitter, we might use that time to drive 678 00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:12,760 Speaker 1: there together and you work out and then drive home together. 679 00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:15,760 Speaker 1: We've had some date nights, although humorously we took Sam 680 00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:19,200 Speaker 1: along for one recently. It wasn't supposed to be. So 681 00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:21,640 Speaker 1: I had this idea as like a fun family adventure, 682 00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:24,840 Speaker 1: like I would take the kids who are open to 683 00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:29,120 Speaker 1: different foods out for Chinese food to celebrate the looterar 684 00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:30,640 Speaker 1: New Year. That seemed like, you know, kind of a 685 00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:33,800 Speaker 1: little adventure. Yeah. Yeah, And then the number of children 686 00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:37,680 Speaker 1: kind of dwindled who wanted to do it, and finally 687 00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:41,120 Speaker 1: it was just Sam, and so I was like, well, 688 00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:42,560 Speaker 1: you know, I guess my husban and I could just 689 00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:43,880 Speaker 1: go out, but since he wants to go, I guess 690 00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:45,800 Speaker 1: we'll take him. And so the three of us went 691 00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:47,880 Speaker 1: out to eat and we went to a Pan Asian 692 00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:51,080 Speaker 1: place and they actually got sushi, but oh well, I 693 00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:55,360 Speaker 1: got Sashwan chicken and Wanton soup, and I think it 694 00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:58,600 Speaker 1: was probably special for Sam. I mean, obviously kids his 695 00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:00,280 Speaker 1: age aren't going to like say that out loud, but 696 00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:03,240 Speaker 1: like that's super cool. Yeah, yeah, it was fine. It 697 00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:04,920 Speaker 1: means if we were going to take one child, he 698 00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:06,520 Speaker 1: was probably the right one to take for that because 699 00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:09,920 Speaker 1: he actually ate ate the sushi. But yes, that was 700 00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:12,600 Speaker 1: our event there. So there's a little quick update on 701 00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:17,200 Speaker 1: our goals. Hope everyone is sticking with theirs. So moving 702 00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:21,759 Speaker 1: to the question section. This is from a listener who 703 00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:24,080 Speaker 1: is listening to our Goals episode. Like I said, we 704 00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:26,319 Speaker 1: got a ton of mail about this one. Anyway. She 705 00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:31,640 Speaker 1: had a question about advice for transitions. She has toddlers, 706 00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:34,080 Speaker 1: so that term is always on top of our mind 707 00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:36,319 Speaker 1: because those of us who have toddlers, you know, you 708 00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:39,160 Speaker 1: can't just suddenly spring on people necessarily that they have 709 00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:40,839 Speaker 1: to get out the door right now, or start telling 710 00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:43,200 Speaker 1: them like okay, and a little bit after this song 711 00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:45,760 Speaker 1: is done, we are going to go put our shoes on. Anyway, 712 00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:48,560 Speaker 1: she says, I'd love to start fitting in little bits 713 00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:51,160 Speaker 1: of reading during downtimes in the day, in a few 714 00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:53,440 Speaker 1: minutes in the car as I'm early for pickup or something, 715 00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:56,040 Speaker 1: and also get into a reading habit at night. But 716 00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:59,080 Speaker 1: I find that when those few free minutes present themselves 717 00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:00,480 Speaker 1: right at the end of the day. I feel kind 718 00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:02,319 Speaker 1: of brain dead, and the idea of opening a book 719 00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:04,239 Speaker 1: or the kindle app and remembering what was going on 720 00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:06,120 Speaker 1: last time I read and reading just a few more 721 00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:11,960 Speaker 1: pages doesn't sound appealing, and I end up mindlessly scrolling instead. Admittedly, 722 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:14,200 Speaker 1: I've always been much better at a deep or focused 723 00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:16,359 Speaker 1: flow style of work, and I really crave that kind 724 00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:18,800 Speaker 1: of time to read again, but I recognize I'm not 725 00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:21,000 Speaker 1: in that season of life. I realized that I tend 726 00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:22,759 Speaker 1: to do the same thing after workouts in a little 727 00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:25,040 Speaker 1: before where I just kind of sit absent mindedly in 728 00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:27,360 Speaker 1: silence and end up adding ten minutes to whatever I 729 00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:30,200 Speaker 1: was doing. Should I just accept these wasted minutes as 730 00:35:30,239 --> 00:35:32,080 Speaker 1: part of the activity time or is there a way 731 00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:35,759 Speaker 1: to be more efficient in transitions? So, Sarah, you had 732 00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:39,160 Speaker 1: some thoughts about using these transition times for reading and 733 00:35:39,719 --> 00:35:42,520 Speaker 1: her you know, doing that. Yes, I was curious where 734 00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:44,239 Speaker 1: she came up with the idea of using them for 735 00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:49,080 Speaker 1: reading specifically, and whether it's because she really wants to 736 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:52,640 Speaker 1: read more or finds it enjoyable to read in small chunks, 737 00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:56,520 Speaker 1: or if she's trying to achieve some sort of moralistic 738 00:35:56,640 --> 00:35:59,719 Speaker 1: ideal or keep up with the number of books at 739 00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:03,719 Speaker 1: some instagrammer reads for or she's been saying a tranquility 740 00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:08,440 Speaker 1: by Tuesday rule number nine, effort full before effortless. Yes, yes, 741 00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:12,080 Speaker 1: and I mean I get that, But at the same time, 742 00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:15,000 Speaker 1: she's kind of describing the situation where she does not 743 00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:18,640 Speaker 1: enjoy reading in small chunks and she's like finding it 744 00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:21,719 Speaker 1: really hard to concentrate, and she's like not getting into it. 745 00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:24,560 Speaker 1: And I guess I'm just wondering if maybe, like maybe 746 00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:27,279 Speaker 1: she needs to read other times and then in the 747 00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:29,960 Speaker 1: small chunks of time there's something else she could be doing. Now, 748 00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:34,080 Speaker 1: I do understand when the default activity is scrolling. I 749 00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:37,080 Speaker 1: totally understand why that might make you feel icky and 750 00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:39,719 Speaker 1: not be what you want to be doing. But you know, 751 00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:42,319 Speaker 1: like maybe there's something else. Maybe it's like a short walk, 752 00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:44,839 Speaker 1: Maybe it's just closing your eyes and taking a micro nap. 753 00:36:45,239 --> 00:36:47,600 Speaker 1: Maybe it is sending a text to a friend, like 754 00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:50,759 Speaker 1: maybe there's something else that you would enjoy in those transitions, 755 00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,799 Speaker 1: rather than forcing yourself to do something just because you've 756 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:57,160 Speaker 1: heard that other people enjoy that. I mean, the other 757 00:36:57,200 --> 00:37:00,000 Speaker 1: thing is that I didn't really you know, mention this, 758 00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:03,279 Speaker 1: but like, are you choosing books that you actually like 759 00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:05,600 Speaker 1: or that you feel like you should be choosing, And 760 00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:07,960 Speaker 1: maybe there is some lighter fluffy or fod or that 761 00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:10,480 Speaker 1: you'd be more excited to pick up in these really 762 00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:13,399 Speaker 1: brief moments, Like maybe you have a memoir, celebrity memoir 763 00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:15,279 Speaker 1: and your kindle app that like is your go to 764 00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:17,920 Speaker 1: for these really tiny bits of time, and maybe that 765 00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:19,759 Speaker 1: would be more fun than kind of delving back into 766 00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:22,160 Speaker 1: a complicated novel. So I don't know, I guess I 767 00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:26,280 Speaker 1: would just question whether this goal is necessarily worth having, 768 00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:29,680 Speaker 1: or like, is it to like, what are you actually 769 00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:32,439 Speaker 1: trying to achieve here? Yeah, or maybe even read something 770 00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:34,799 Speaker 1: like essays or poems or whatever that's designed to be 771 00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:37,640 Speaker 1: read in very short periods of time. She was also asking, though, 772 00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:39,879 Speaker 1: of course that time before you go about that that 773 00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:42,920 Speaker 1: can be prime reading time. But if you're feeling really 774 00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:47,000 Speaker 1: brain dead at that point, I would suggest aiming down 775 00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:51,200 Speaker 1: in your genre of literature as well, and just if 776 00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:53,759 Speaker 1: you want to be reading, maybe this is not the 777 00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:58,480 Speaker 1: time for I don't know, late stage Virginia Wolf, like 778 00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:02,560 Speaker 1: just something else, and maybe if it's a little bit 779 00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:07,120 Speaker 1: lighter or easier, even magazines, because it's still reading, you know, 780 00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:11,000 Speaker 1: but it feels a little bit less like it's demanding necessarily, 781 00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:14,160 Speaker 1: and if you do want to read and want to 782 00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:16,399 Speaker 1: use those longer chunks of time as you're mentioning, which 783 00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:18,839 Speaker 1: usually before bed, it can be a longer chunk of time. 784 00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:21,080 Speaker 1: I would imagine that she's probably getting at least, you know, 785 00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:23,759 Speaker 1: twenty minutes, which I when you have young kids, twenty 786 00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:26,120 Speaker 1: minutes is a long chunk of time. Let's not talk 787 00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:28,959 Speaker 1: about like having three hours or something, because yes, you're right, 788 00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:32,239 Speaker 1: not really in this stage of life most likely, but 789 00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:34,279 Speaker 1: you could do that. But she had made a point 790 00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:36,640 Speaker 1: about transitions, which you know, I'm going to throw this 791 00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:38,840 Speaker 1: out to our listeners as well, because I think this 792 00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:44,440 Speaker 1: may be actually one of those personality framework things I 793 00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:47,279 Speaker 1: have discovered as I talk to people about how they 794 00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:52,480 Speaker 1: spend their time, that some people seem to I'm not 795 00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:55,719 Speaker 1: gonna say need, or they just sort of want or 796 00:38:55,920 --> 00:39:00,879 Speaker 1: feel it is harder to transition quickly from one thing 797 00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:03,800 Speaker 1: to another. And I know that many of the people 798 00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:07,640 Speaker 1: who were trying working from home for the first time 799 00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:10,480 Speaker 1: during the pandemic experience a lot of sort of tension 800 00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:13,200 Speaker 1: around that because it's like you're in your personal life 801 00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:15,680 Speaker 1: and the boom, you're in your work life and there's 802 00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:19,400 Speaker 1: no transition between the two, Whereas a commute, even if 803 00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:22,960 Speaker 1: people generally hate commuting, provides that transition and it gets 804 00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:25,799 Speaker 1: you in a different mental space. And so there are 805 00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:28,279 Speaker 1: ways around that. Like you can obviously create transitions. I 806 00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:30,279 Speaker 1: mean people would go, like walk around their block and 807 00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:32,440 Speaker 1: then come in and like you create a fake commute, 808 00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:34,000 Speaker 1: or like go run an errand at the end of 809 00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:35,799 Speaker 1: your work day, like you pick up milk and then 810 00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:38,000 Speaker 1: come back and like, oh, now I'm in a different space. 811 00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:40,560 Speaker 1: Or you know, even just listening to certain music or 812 00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:43,000 Speaker 1: like you know, when you write your intentions, that creates 813 00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,040 Speaker 1: a transition. Or you light a candle. I don't know, 814 00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:47,600 Speaker 1: a certain scented candle makes you think like now I 815 00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:49,759 Speaker 1: am in work mode or now I'm in home mode, 816 00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:53,000 Speaker 1: or whatever you can do to create a transition. But 817 00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:55,239 Speaker 1: I tend to think that there are some people who 818 00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:59,560 Speaker 1: move slower from one thing to the other. And if 819 00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:02,120 Speaker 1: you have no this about yourself, or you've noticed that 820 00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:06,160 Speaker 1: you are particularly quicker at transitions than maybe some other 821 00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:08,239 Speaker 1: people you know or other people in your family, I'd 822 00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:10,359 Speaker 1: love to hear about it. So write into us about 823 00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:13,360 Speaker 1: it and maybe we'll see, like what that demarcation is 824 00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:17,480 Speaker 1: in there. I've always moved pretty quickly from one thing 825 00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:20,600 Speaker 1: to another. I don't know if that's just having work 826 00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:23,120 Speaker 1: from home forever and having lots of kids and thus 827 00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:26,480 Speaker 1: needing to transition quickly. But I don't help you too, though, Sarah, Right, 828 00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:30,359 Speaker 1: you do transitions pretty fast. I do, and I have 829 00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:33,480 Speaker 1: very little patience for those who don't. So I probably 830 00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:35,279 Speaker 1: need to work on this and think about that a 831 00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:39,680 Speaker 1: little bit, because some of my children might enjoy longer transitions, 832 00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:43,080 Speaker 1: especially like in the morning or at bedtime or and 833 00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:46,120 Speaker 1: stuff like that. So that's Yeah, it's a really interesting one. 834 00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:49,040 Speaker 1: We could do a whole transitions episode. I think this 835 00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:52,640 Speaker 1: might have to happen. Yeah, well, sometimes at this stage 836 00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:55,799 Speaker 1: of life, you have to make quick transitions, I think 837 00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:58,120 Speaker 1: with young kids, And maybe that's one of the things 838 00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:02,000 Speaker 1: that makes people feel kind of agitated during the young 839 00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:04,560 Speaker 1: kids stage, as if they do need more transition time 840 00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:07,439 Speaker 1: and they're not getting it because of the circumstances of life. 841 00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:10,600 Speaker 1: So something to think about. We'll explore that more, all right, 842 00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:13,399 Speaker 1: Love of the week, Sarah, What do you have? So 843 00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:15,799 Speaker 1: I wrote a blog post like a month ago or 844 00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:20,640 Speaker 1: so asking for reader's suggestions for their favorite underwear because 845 00:41:21,120 --> 00:41:23,640 Speaker 1: we just did our upgrade episode last last week. But 846 00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:26,160 Speaker 1: or you know, I was I wanted to upgrade my underwear, 847 00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:29,120 Speaker 1: so I Boughtnory for a number of years and it's great, 848 00:41:29,160 --> 00:41:30,719 Speaker 1: but I just like wanted to see what else was 849 00:41:30,719 --> 00:41:33,200 Speaker 1: out there, and a lot of people suggested Lululemon, which 850 00:41:33,239 --> 00:41:36,319 Speaker 1: is not like I didn't think of them for that, 851 00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:38,840 Speaker 1: but I ordered a couple of their styles, both the 852 00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:41,840 Speaker 1: under Ease and in visiware, and I think they're great. 853 00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:46,720 Speaker 1: They're like very minimal in design, super comfortable, and yeah, 854 00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:50,239 Speaker 1: I like it underwear. Maybe I needed to go for that. 855 00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:54,400 Speaker 1: I've just been buying random packages on Amazon. So although 856 00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:56,799 Speaker 1: speaking of which I mean, this is the issue, I 857 00:41:56,800 --> 00:42:01,120 Speaker 1: gotta say Amazon Prime they have of I mean, I 858 00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:03,880 Speaker 1: know there's issues, but people have figured out. They have 859 00:42:03,920 --> 00:42:07,120 Speaker 1: figured out how to make life easier for busy families 860 00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:11,480 Speaker 1: with anything. I mean just the party favors for Alex's 861 00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:17,040 Speaker 1: party came seemingly instantly. The trainer I was working out with, 862 00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:19,040 Speaker 1: you know, we talked on a Thursday and he sent 863 00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:21,560 Speaker 1: me links of some things to buy and we met 864 00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:23,560 Speaker 1: for the first time on Monday, and they were all there, 865 00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:28,520 Speaker 1: like everything was there before our first session. It's just it, 866 00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:31,399 Speaker 1: you know, makes not having to go to the start 867 00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:34,320 Speaker 1: your mind. And they knew you wanted that before you ordered. 868 00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:37,239 Speaker 1: They may, well I don't. It's true, they could have. 869 00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:39,400 Speaker 1: I mean they heard me talking about it. I don't know. 870 00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:42,720 Speaker 1: I don't have the lexap or anything like that, but yeah, 871 00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:45,279 Speaker 1: who knows. But they figured it out. So I had 872 00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:47,280 Speaker 1: my equipment. It was all ready to go on Monday 873 00:42:47,280 --> 00:42:49,640 Speaker 1: when we had our session. And that is pretty pretty 874 00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:51,480 Speaker 1: darn fast because otherwise I would have had to go 875 00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:53,440 Speaker 1: to the store over the weekend or something and I 876 00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:56,640 Speaker 1: did not have to. All right, well, this has agreed. 877 00:42:56,800 --> 00:42:58,880 Speaker 1: They've gotten me out of a lot of parenting last 878 00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:04,520 Speaker 1: minute school issue. Yeah you poster board exactly. This has 879 00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:06,920 Speaker 1: been thinking of things not going as planned, like what 880 00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:09,040 Speaker 1: what do you mean? You have a science fair project too. 881 00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:13,400 Speaker 1: Sometimes things don't go as planned because other people don't plan. 882 00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:16,360 Speaker 1: Oh imagine that. We will be back next week with 883 00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:21,400 Speaker 1: more on making work and life fit together. Thanks for listening. 884 00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:24,719 Speaker 1: You can find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com 885 00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:28,440 Speaker 1: or at the Underscore shoe Box on Instagram, and you 886 00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:32,719 Speaker 1: can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This 887 00:43:32,760 --> 00:43:36,040 Speaker 1: has been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please join 888 00:43:36,120 --> 00:43:38,840 Speaker 1: us next time for more on making work and life 889 00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:39,640 Speaker 1: work together.