Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot m a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to j dot Ilga Podcast. It is our
Speaker 1: pleasure to be here. We are open hearted and open minded,
Speaker 1: and we are open spirited. Today we're we're gonna keep
Speaker 1: talking about what do you do when family goes left?
Speaker 1: I mean, look, you got these memories. You know, you've
Speaker 1: got these memories of of Christmas Is and holidays together.
Speaker 1: You know, so and so dancing cousins, such and such,
Speaker 1: I made the potato salad. You know, you got these
Speaker 1: memories of weddings, and you've got these all of these
Speaker 1: times when you were together. You know, at the family reunion,
Speaker 1: you swam all night because I'm so and so, let
Speaker 1: you do it. You know, you've got these these memories
Speaker 1: of you know, funerals and um graduations and all of
Speaker 1: this stuff because your family, you know, and you're around
Speaker 1: each other and have been around each other, not necessarily
Speaker 1: by choice, but this is these your people, you know,
Speaker 1: this is this is your kin. Now what happens? What
Speaker 1: do you do when those relationships go left? I know,
Speaker 1: for me, I've heard people say, well, that's your that's
Speaker 1: your family, that's your blood. You know, you gotta make up.
Speaker 1: You know the last episode you mentioned you were going
Speaker 1: through that personally anyway where yeah, where my kid told
Speaker 1: me he don't never want to see somebody again. Like
Speaker 1: I'm good. Not like it wasn't some grand declaration. It
Speaker 1: was maybe, but it was like, I'm good on them.
Speaker 1: If I don't see him ever again, I'm straight. Wow,
Speaker 1: that's enough for me. That's that's enough. That's did they hurt?
Speaker 1: You know? What is it? That's that energy? Mom? I
Speaker 1: don't like that. Okay, fine, fine, And a child's intuition, baby, baby,
Speaker 1: how well, what do you say? Because these events still happen,
Speaker 1: you know, graduations are coming up, you know, weddings occur
Speaker 1: in the family, funerals happen in the family. You know,
Speaker 1: But my kid is not working with you to to
Speaker 1: put it plain and simple, in my estimation, I think
Speaker 1: you have to just assess each of these events based
Speaker 1: on what it is you intend to get from them.
Speaker 1: It's like, are you going to these events just to
Speaker 1: play kate people or you feel like you just have
Speaker 1: to go, or are you trying to see certain other
Speaker 1: family members, Because maybe it's more about making sure you
Speaker 1: spend time with those family members outside of those events.
Speaker 1: So did you get that time with them? And you're
Speaker 1: not obligated to spend time with someone you don't want
Speaker 1: to spend time with, who's triggering, who makes you feel bad,
Speaker 1: just to get time with other family members. Or maybe
Speaker 1: you go early, or maybe you say I'm going, I'm
Speaker 1: only staying an hour, or whatever the case may be.
Speaker 1: That it can look a number of different ways. This
Speaker 1: is just my opinion. You it could look at a
Speaker 1: certain a lot of different ways. The idea is to
Speaker 1: center your knee. What are what are you trying to get? Who?
Speaker 1: What are what are the priorities in this moment? Because
Speaker 1: I don't want to spend time in an environment where
Speaker 1: I feel deeply uncomfortable or harmed, and I don't want
Speaker 1: my children to spend time in an environment where they
Speaker 1: feel deeply uncomfortable and harmed. And I won't subject myself
Speaker 1: to it now. Mind you and I talked about this
Speaker 1: in any other episode. This is an agent who I've
Speaker 1: even moved into. This is not an agent who existed.
Speaker 1: I want to say, even as short as five years ago,
Speaker 1: I may have said, oh I'm just gonna bite the bomy, Well,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna do it. I'm just gonna go come on, y'all,
Speaker 1: you know that kind of energy. But no, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't feel the need to do those things anymore
Speaker 1: because I feel like maintaining and nurturing relationships and family
Speaker 1: is something that should be on going. It's not about
Speaker 1: a wedding or a funeral or a family real Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1: We're talking about if that's the only time we're talking
Speaker 1: about someone who is sverly pathologically self righteous. This is
Speaker 1: what I was gonna ask you, Like, it's this person
Speaker 1: also giving off this energy to other family members and
Speaker 1: we're not talking about it because you know we do that,
Speaker 1: especially in black. Yes, yes, it's all the things. It's
Speaker 1: it's it's severely self righteous, you know, it's it's compounded
Speaker 1: by I was just say Christianity or a certain kind
Speaker 1: of church um living and mentality, and damn Like, I mean,
Speaker 1: we could just stay away and that's fine, but I
Speaker 1: know that at some point I have to step into
Speaker 1: that arena. And you know, the question is where where
Speaker 1: is he? And the me that I am I'll be
Speaker 1: like him, funk with you, you know, like just to
Speaker 1: put it. But but but it's got to be another way.
Speaker 1: Well I'm wondering if anybody ever had the conversation with
Speaker 1: that relative. Yeah, but that's what what she's saying, is
Speaker 1: that the real conversation. I mean, well, the conversation that
Speaker 1: that requires more and you're not obligated to have that,
Speaker 1: by the way, but the conversation that says, well, this
Speaker 1: is why people don't talk about you. This is the
Speaker 1: this is the issue. And it's not just my kid
Speaker 1: who fails this way. You have to be held accountable
Speaker 1: for your behavior if you want to participate in this family.
Speaker 1: But that also requires the rest of the family to
Speaker 1: have enough you knowness, to step up and say, hey,
Speaker 1: this is what we're gonna do, and and to gather
Speaker 1: the family for that is, especially when everybody has their
Speaker 1: own way of thinking of things and they might benefit
Speaker 1: from the quieting of that conversation and all of these
Speaker 1: different things that's I say, just sent to your own
Speaker 1: This is this is also somebody who I could I
Speaker 1: could literally paint pink and they would say, I'm yellow. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's it's the delusion is unbelievable. I ain't got it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean well, the answer is right, and I just
Speaker 1: remember the good times. I remember that there were some
Speaker 1: but at this stage in life, and it's just like, oh,
Speaker 1: what happened? And do you remember the good times because
Speaker 1: you were younger and you weren't able to make critical
Speaker 1: thought like you are now. Because I remember good times too,
Speaker 1: but I'm like, I was younger and I really didn't
Speaker 1: even recognize that and that and that now when I
Speaker 1: stepped back from but I'm like, oh, you was always
Speaker 1: a motherfucker. Come on with always m hmmm mm hmmm wow.
Speaker 1: Learning to to be honest about that, particularly when you're
Speaker 1: dealing with family, like you were always fucked up in
Speaker 1: some way, shape or form, or you always had an
Speaker 1: energy that you took me bowling, you took me to
Speaker 1: the movies, and I was I was in my joy like, yeah,
Speaker 1: because I'm a kid and I want to go somewhere
Speaker 1: and I want to do something. Yes, he was treating
Speaker 1: the ladies in the family, but seeing the way he
Speaker 1: was really talking to people, really really paying attention until
Speaker 1: I became one. Wow. But here's the thing. As a
Speaker 1: child and because people have a have kind of a
Speaker 1: way of not seeing you be anything other than whatever
Speaker 1: their core memory of you is. Then when you become
Speaker 1: an adult and you're able to hold adults in your
Speaker 1: family accountable. That can be, you know, very difficult because
Speaker 1: if you can get ostracized, you know, people can't scold
Speaker 1: you about it, or you was being disrespectful even though
Speaker 1: everybody involved you all see it. You know what are
Speaker 1: you saying nothing but it's me? But I'm I'm the
Speaker 1: issue because I said something about it, or whatever the case.
Speaker 1: Maybe you know, we'll be right back. What I hope
Speaker 1: for people's families is that these young people moving forward,
Speaker 1: that we get better at discussing what it's doing. They
Speaker 1: are better already, I really and I think we are
Speaker 1: getting better at that discussing. I mean, I'll put my
Speaker 1: own family out there and I'll say, like, during the
Speaker 1: beginning of the pandemic, when you know, it was all
Speaker 1: funny games. That first month or so, we're eating every day,
Speaker 1: I'm cooking all the time, We're playing games, we had,
Speaker 1: we had Glow in the Dark, karaoke. We was like
Speaker 1: we ain't got no way. And then about June it
Speaker 1: was like we ain't got no more forks left. And
Speaker 1: it's like, see that's what I'm talking about. See, you
Speaker 1: ain't never care about me at all. From the beginning
Speaker 1: where the four where the four I asked about a
Speaker 1: forky tomboy. I ain't never take you to the zook
Speaker 1: you talk about it. I ain't never. I ain't never
Speaker 1: cared nothing about Okay. And what I loved about that
Speaker 1: moment was that we would we we dug up some things,
Speaker 1: you know. And I think in my family, I've always
Speaker 1: had this feeling, Oh, I got a good relationship with
Speaker 1: my kids, you know. And but even and it helped
Speaker 1: me to understand even a situation where you have a
Speaker 1: good relationship, even when you've worked on some of your stuff,
Speaker 1: some of those ways that we subdue people's issues and
Speaker 1: their beliefs and how they feel and their humanity and
Speaker 1: their individuality, that these have become normalized, and that we
Speaker 1: do it even in families like ours, where I believe
Speaker 1: that we are all part of an evolved kind of
Speaker 1: state of being as it as it pertains to relationships, family, kids.
Speaker 1: The whole night, and honestly, that was an open eye
Speaker 1: opened it for me because it was like, Okay, Asia,
Speaker 1: yeah that's cute. You got a good relationship with your kids.
Speaker 1: But see this is that was the that was the
Speaker 1: one on one class you passed the one on one
Speaker 1: class boom and these are the grad classes. Baby, these
Speaker 1: are these are your this is your major. Let's get
Speaker 1: into it. Let's do these other things. Let's dig deep,
Speaker 1: Let's get into this resort. Let's talk to these kids,
Speaker 1: Let's do this. Let I wish that we could do
Speaker 1: this with our families, like uh, you know our biological
Speaker 1: families that just get together. And have we passed the
Speaker 1: opportunity is that? I mean, has that door closed? Though?
Speaker 1: It's my question, Like I don't think it has. I
Speaker 1: don't think it has. I think it has to be
Speaker 1: a choice. Like everybody get together like families. You know
Speaker 1: the essays that everybody writes for for the holiday. It's
Speaker 1: I admitted a holiday. It's called families. It's it's family
Speaker 1: is is what it is. And you know, at the
Speaker 1: in order to get a gift, you have to write
Speaker 1: a one page essay. And that's because you don't get
Speaker 1: something for nothing in this life period. So the essays
Speaker 1: are intended for people to reveal some things, but how
Speaker 1: they feel and how you know, what confuses them or
Speaker 1: makes them you know, scared or angry or whatever you
Speaker 1: know that is. And I had to just recently stop
Speaker 1: everybody from writing about gratitude. Like I feel like that's,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, okay, let's just assume that we're all grateful.
Speaker 1: Let's just assume it and and write about something that
Speaker 1: matters to you. Please, just just please, you know, like
Speaker 1: I'm trying to open doors. That's that you have to
Speaker 1: add that to the activities list of the reunions. I
Speaker 1: like the revision what you're doing, Jill, is you're realizing
Speaker 1: the activities list. I'm thinking, I'm like, maybe we need
Speaker 1: to because you do that in your home. But it's like,
Speaker 1: maybe we don't need a three legged race because you're
Speaker 1: an opportunity for people to the issue is that you see,
Speaker 1: you got to be ready. But see, yeah that's in theory,
Speaker 1: that's good, but you're gonna get a letter that because
Speaker 1: if I go pull out a letter and like and
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be funny, but you gotta be ready.
Speaker 1: And that's But the thing is too, I'm like, you
Speaker 1: gotta It's like Jill just her family, but then there's
Speaker 1: like a whole other branches, and you know, we've got
Speaker 1: family in different states and whatnot that think differently that
Speaker 1: I don't even know certain things about the family and
Speaker 1: stuff like that. So it's like, those are the people
Speaker 1: that we really need to be building with. My immediate
Speaker 1: family were straight, we think the same, we go, we're
Speaker 1: on the same thing now, shout shout out St. Louis
Speaker 1: and in New York we need to we we probably
Speaker 1: need to you know, connect a little bit more on
Speaker 1: those levels. Those family reunions really were something I can't front, like,
Speaker 1: just ben't able to. I loved it. I did just
Speaker 1: be to see cousins and aunties and listened to the
Speaker 1: jokes and and watch people people. You know, that was
Speaker 1: nice and we could go further with the aman. I
Speaker 1: never had a family reunion on either side of it
Speaker 1: was fun. We stayed in motels and then um we
Speaker 1: was never did a nice had so much chlorine in
Speaker 1: the water, we come out green. But what level was
Speaker 1: your reunion level? Because here's the thing, Asia, I am
Speaker 1: envious of people who have official reunions with like hundreds
Speaker 1: of people T shirts and locations and T shirts and
Speaker 1: stuff trying to do that. A lot of them to
Speaker 1: stay here at the house and whatnot. So would you
Speaker 1: would would you do? We did have the T shirts,
Speaker 1: We had him at the park, we had everybody with
Speaker 1: meet at the park. You know, people would drive in
Speaker 1: or fly in or whatever. We just had him at
Speaker 1: the park. We go pee in the woods. You know.
Speaker 1: It was really I mean we had gathering basic Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean we had we had gatherings. There were holidays
Speaker 1: and we used to do something. Um shout out to
Speaker 1: kids who grew up in the DC area who camped
Speaker 1: that lake and we used to always go down the
Speaker 1: lake Anna and we we can win camping. We did
Speaker 1: things as a family, you know, so we I have
Speaker 1: memories yeah, yeah, some of my extended family because even
Speaker 1: some of my mom's friends kids went on these trips too,
Speaker 1: and so these are some of my best friends to
Speaker 1: this day. And and then we stopped going and we
Speaker 1: started going to the outer Banks and we did We
Speaker 1: did that for many years. And so we've done a
Speaker 1: lot of things as a family and and and gathered
Speaker 1: together a lot, but we never had like a family reunion.
Speaker 1: I did have an uncle that eventually did some work.
Speaker 1: I'm just really thinking about that. I'm like, family, such
Speaker 1: a good opportunity to do productive type things. And even
Speaker 1: in a networking situation like do you I don't even
Speaker 1: know what most of my cousins do for a living,
Speaker 1: Like you know what I mean, Like we never get
Speaker 1: a chance to really like build on that. Yo, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna tell y'all not for not using. It's so unfortunate
Speaker 1: that these meetings a lot of times happened with deaths.
Speaker 1: And I remember um when my cousin's husband passed recently
Speaker 1: in the last few months and I went to St.
Speaker 1: Louis and I got to sit with some young cousins
Speaker 1: in your twenties and we were just talking. I was
Speaker 1: realizing that a lot of them are involved in like
Speaker 1: the stock game and the crypto and they were teaching
Speaker 1: me stuff. And I was like, look at my St.
Speaker 1: Louis cousins, like we need to build off, Like why
Speaker 1: don't we have a finance group where you guys can
Speaker 1: teach the older cousins about this kind of stuff. And
Speaker 1: it was like, well, we actually have a group, but
Speaker 1: it's all the young people. Hello, Like come on, y'all,
Speaker 1: but what happens when your family is raggedy with money?
Speaker 1: Everybody but every That's the thing though, y'all you think
Speaker 1: your whole family is, but there's there are some folks
Speaker 1: that's I was like, what they're doing St. Louis. Well, listen,
Speaker 1: let me tell you. I just had a conversation with
Speaker 1: a girlfriend today and she talked about the fact that,
Speaker 1: you know, we do have to have a little bit
Speaker 1: more investment groups and stuff like that. But I want
Speaker 1: to shout out my uncle Warren bless him, has been
Speaker 1: trying to get us to do that for over twenty
Speaker 1: years and we still haven't done it because I know,
Speaker 1: what about family members gonna listen to this and be like,
Speaker 1: uh huh, Uncle Warren. But you know, I think I
Speaker 1: think what you said is really key. The key thing
Speaker 1: is that when families are not doing productive things to
Speaker 1: connect and relate to one another at a deeper level.
Speaker 1: As a family, you're always going to have those things
Speaker 1: that nobody talks about, those things that people tuck. And
Speaker 1: the more that they tuck and tuck and tuck, it
Speaker 1: has it's it's gonna come out in a toxic way
Speaker 1: and eventually somebody in the family is gonna have a
Speaker 1: moment and they're gonna be singled out is the one
Speaker 1: who has the issue when the family itself has the
Speaker 1: issue and we all know it, you know, And so
Speaker 1: instead of continuing to pretend that that's the issue. And
Speaker 1: that's why I said some of it's a little far gone.
Speaker 1: It's like some stuff we may have to reserve for
Speaker 1: the next generation because the stress. Just acknowledging the acknowledgement
Speaker 1: of it is important. I went through a rabbit hole
Speaker 1: with my mother one day. We were just, you know,
Speaker 1: you servicely talk about family, and then I was like,
Speaker 1: but let's get under the service though, ma, Let's talk
Speaker 1: about how that person was raised and what their household
Speaker 1: really looked like, and where was there their their dad
Speaker 1: at this time and all this stuff. And I was like,
Speaker 1: when you really look, everything happened full reason. Everybody the
Speaker 1: way they are for a reason. That's all I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Maybe as a family we should just know. We said
Speaker 1: that the very least know the reasons. And I tell
Speaker 1: you what I think. And with my my grandmother was
Speaker 1: was a housekeeper for a Jewish family and they told
Speaker 1: her a lot about thread count. And I don't know
Speaker 1: if they necessarily meant to teach her, but she learned
Speaker 1: about the read count and queen and furniture and quality.
Speaker 1: What's quality furniture? Quality furnitures you can't feel the bones
Speaker 1: in it, that kind of thing. So my grandmother's daughters
Speaker 1: specifically like fine things. They're very much into like quality,
Speaker 1: fine things. Now where we lose, where we lose our
Speaker 1: way with me and then my mom and my aunts,
Speaker 1: is that it's it's so much of it. You know,
Speaker 1: at a certain point, you know you've shopped, you know,
Speaker 1: you filled your house with stuff. Now that's it, there's
Speaker 1: no more. You know, make sure you like the thing
Speaker 1: that you're getting, because that's it. You know, for a while,
Speaker 1: maybe in five years or so, you want to change
Speaker 1: the color, change the painter, because you know, because that's fun,
Speaker 1: and that's what you want to do. That's what's up.
Speaker 1: But at one point, at one point, I'll say, I
Speaker 1: got my mom's house. I come back. I said, hey,
Speaker 1: last time I was here, everything and was like yellow.
Speaker 1: Now it's now it's turquoise. No, no, it was always
Speaker 1: this way, it was always this sway. No, it wasn't. No,
Speaker 1: it wasn't. Her and her sister that got together and
Speaker 1: they would shopping and they had the best time ever.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you, guys, where is the other stuff? I
Speaker 1: go in the garage. It's more stuff. It's it's so
Speaker 1: much stuff. I don't even know where to begin, like friends,
Speaker 1: we have to have a garage sale or something. We
Speaker 1: got to sell this stuff on the on the intwb,
Speaker 1: we have to do something. But they have this thing
Speaker 1: where a quantity um. Although they love quality, they just
Speaker 1: want to quantity of things. And I'm doing the best
Speaker 1: that I don't want. I don't want to I don't
Speaker 1: want that that particular disease, and I don't want to
Speaker 1: pass that STA very well could. But I mean their
Speaker 1: mother was fresh smack into the depression, you know. So
Speaker 1: people that don't have mean a lot of our parents,
Speaker 1: a lot of our parents have a you know a
Speaker 1: lot of their value systems are based on the lack
Speaker 1: having not had something or not experienced something, and so
Speaker 1: things that they have kind of wrapped into these are
Speaker 1: my values are really just kind of trauma responses. But
Speaker 1: you know, I guess we all, to a degree, some
Speaker 1: of us have that where ways that we decided to
Speaker 1: live our lives are deeply idea defined by the ways
Speaker 1: that we've been trying to do something. I'm gonna, you know,
Speaker 1: be like, I'm not speaking to my mother and my
Speaker 1: aunt no more. You know, I'm not gonna stop speaking
Speaker 1: to them about that. I just have to put them
Speaker 1: on a budget. You know that that I'm comfortable with
Speaker 1: because I know it's it's basically thrown away money. They're
Speaker 1: not going to do anything. But you haven't to the trauma, Jill,
Speaker 1: when you just gotta give into the trauma because it
Speaker 1: ain't really given to you when you know it's no change,
Speaker 1: and that's it when they happen, didn't when they're n
Speaker 1: and they gave so much to me, and I did
Speaker 1: have the dream house I did. Oh let him have
Speaker 1: because somebody's gonna do that to us. Y'all realize, y'all
Speaker 1: realized somebody's gonna do that to us. At one point.
Speaker 1: They're gonna be like, just let her do like fresh flowers.
Speaker 1: Let and at a certain age you've earned it. So
Speaker 1: it's like, at a certain age, if I'm not hurting you,
Speaker 1: if I'm not traumatizing you, if I'm not being harmed,
Speaker 1: and she getting that ship on sale, let me let
Speaker 1: me have four tell us. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I want. It's not that's on a home goods fucking
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like that enjoy it's not
Speaker 1: the worst thing that chill, But I have to also
Speaker 1: have to be mindful because I can't wait till I
Speaker 1: get to play cater age, playcate me, play Kate Me. Now,
Speaker 1: I want my kids to have conversations behind my back
Speaker 1: about how they're gonna let me do some wilder ship
Speaker 1: and get away with it. Don't you know? Mom gotta
Speaker 1: have a vacation every year where we sending them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she does, and that's nice. Oh, now that's why give
Speaker 1: me a list six kids. Don't tell the twins that
Speaker 1: can't be combined. I mean, if everybody joins in the gather,
Speaker 1: she said, that's the normal. Yeah, by what you know,
Speaker 1: by August retirement, you know, we should start that now.
Speaker 1: We'll be back after the break. Yeah, I do think
Speaker 1: we went full Auntie, and we're not talking about how
Speaker 1: we talk, how we part ways with family. We didn't win.
Speaker 1: We go when we went a little bit further, but
Speaker 1: then we went off the edge. We did. Listen, we
Speaker 1: went off the edge. This is what we're gonna do.
Speaker 1: This is gonna happen most of the time. Sometimes we're
Speaker 1: gonna stick straight to the topic, but most times we're
Speaker 1: going to veer off the road a bit because yeah,
Speaker 1: this is what we do. And these these conversations. It
Speaker 1: may not be the whole thing. I like that y'all have.
Speaker 1: I didn't say I ain't saying the word. I just
Speaker 1: said that I earned things. Because it may not be
Speaker 1: the whole thing, but something that's going to spark, spark
Speaker 1: some thoughts in your mind and make you reconsider or
Speaker 1: consider or let's slide some ship that's happening in your life.
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I hope for that. I definitely
Speaker 1: hope the best for you. We all do. We want
Speaker 1: the best for you, for real, for real. I just
Speaker 1: wanted to acknowledge this this real quick because I think
Speaker 1: we're gonna get some comments now. I think we're gonna
Speaker 1: get some comments from people. Some people do have deeply
Speaker 1: toxic families, word that they need to for their own
Speaker 1: preservation separate themselves, and you know what I'm saying. So there,
Speaker 1: I want to acknowledge that because I feel like in
Speaker 1: our personal environments that we have learned to kind of
Speaker 1: manage our relationships, and we've talked about the kind of
Speaker 1: lighter side to it. I want to be really, really
Speaker 1: clear that there are some people who have to really
Speaker 1: make very strong and intentional boundaries with people who they
Speaker 1: are related to as some times with their own parents,
Speaker 1: siblings or children. That we've been blessed and I had
Speaker 1: those particular situations. But age is absolutely right. And I
Speaker 1: love when you bring it back, bring it back to
Speaker 1: the I love it when you bring it back to
Speaker 1: the bigger picture that some of you are having to
Speaker 1: walk away from family because they're unhealthy for you. This
Speaker 1: means that you may end up feeling a lot lonelier
Speaker 1: for a while. But I will always suggest to take
Speaker 1: some time, uh you're slow, molasses as time and create
Speaker 1: a family of your own. And I'm not saying make
Speaker 1: children or marry somebody. I'm just saying, part of our friendships, yeah,
Speaker 1: because you can pick those. You can pick those. You
Speaker 1: can't pick your friendships, but you ask molasses time because
Speaker 1: as um even those things, you know, friendships turn left,
Speaker 1: family relationships turn left. You have to be really careful.
Speaker 1: If you've been in a history of toxicity, you have
Speaker 1: to be careful. So be easy, be easy, but be
Speaker 1: definitive about walking away from what hurts you. What I'm saying,
Speaker 1: And maybe talk to your cousins too, because they probably
Speaker 1: got the same issues about fire you an alliance man
Speaker 1: did somebody write a song called Slowly Surely? Huh? Take it?
Speaker 1: Take it back to slowly surely if you want your song.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening to Jay dot Ilda podcast. Listen.
Speaker 1: We are always open to hearing how you did it,
Speaker 1: because you know, we might be flailing our arms in
Speaker 1: the dark. But if you got a piece of light
Speaker 1: to share about how you got through something, particularly how
Speaker 1: you let someone in your family or in your in
Speaker 1: your friendship circle, you let them go? Can you tell
Speaker 1: us how you did that? Appreciate y'all peace. How do
Speaker 1: you eat an elephant? One by? It? Time? Hey, listeners,
Speaker 1: It's Amber here, the producer of JD I L and
Speaker 1: this episode The Ladies continued the conversation of letting go
Speaker 1: complicated toxic relationships. It's a really layered topic and a
Speaker 1: heavy thing to move through. If you find yourself waiting
Speaker 1: through these waters, I want to recommend processing with a
Speaker 1: licensed therapist. There are sites like better Help and talk
Speaker 1: space where you can reach someone virtually to help give
Speaker 1: you the specific tools you need to heal and get
Speaker 1: a little more free. Hi, if you have comments on
Speaker 1: something we said in this episode called eight six six, Hey, Jill,
Speaker 1: if you want to add to this conversation. That's eight
Speaker 1: six six nine five four five five. Don't forget to
Speaker 1: tell us your name and the episode you're referring to.
Speaker 1: You might just hear your message on a future episode.
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to Jill Scott Presents Jay dot Ill.
Speaker 1: The podcast Jay dot Ill is a production of I
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