1 00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:07,360 Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot m a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:13,200 Speaker 1: Welcome back to j dot Ilga Podcast. It is our 3 00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:16,560 Speaker 1: pleasure to be here. We are open hearted and open minded, 4 00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:20,320 Speaker 1: and we are open spirited. Today we're we're gonna keep 5 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:24,760 Speaker 1: talking about what do you do when family goes left? 6 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:31,160 Speaker 1: I mean, look, you got these memories. You know, you've 7 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:36,120 Speaker 1: got these memories of of Christmas Is and holidays together. 8 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:39,960 Speaker 1: You know, so and so dancing cousins, such and such, 9 00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:42,840 Speaker 1: I made the potato salad. You know, you got these 10 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:45,959 Speaker 1: memories of weddings, and you've got these all of these 11 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:49,239 Speaker 1: times when you were together. You know, at the family reunion, 12 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:52,159 Speaker 1: you swam all night because I'm so and so, let 13 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:55,040 Speaker 1: you do it. You know, you've got these these memories 14 00:00:55,160 --> 00:01:00,240 Speaker 1: of you know, funerals and um graduations and all of 15 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:03,240 Speaker 1: this stuff because your family, you know, and you're around 16 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:06,640 Speaker 1: each other and have been around each other, not necessarily 17 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:09,440 Speaker 1: by choice, but this is these your people, you know, 18 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:15,360 Speaker 1: this is this is your kin. Now what happens? What 19 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:20,480 Speaker 1: do you do when those relationships go left? I know, 20 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:22,960 Speaker 1: for me, I've heard people say, well, that's your that's 21 00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:26,200 Speaker 1: your family, that's your blood. You know, you gotta make up. 22 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:32,560 Speaker 1: You know the last episode you mentioned you were going 23 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:39,080 Speaker 1: through that personally anyway where yeah, where my kid told 24 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:42,679 Speaker 1: me he don't never want to see somebody again. Like 25 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:46,440 Speaker 1: I'm good. Not like it wasn't some grand declaration. It 26 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:50,640 Speaker 1: was maybe, but it was like, I'm good on them. 27 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:54,440 Speaker 1: If I don't see him ever again, I'm straight. Wow, 28 00:01:55,840 --> 00:02:01,480 Speaker 1: that's enough for me. That's that's enough. That's did they hurt? 29 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:04,760 Speaker 1: You know? What is it? That's that energy? Mom? I 30 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:13,320 Speaker 1: don't like that. Okay, fine, fine, And a child's intuition, baby, baby, 31 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:16,880 Speaker 1: how well, what do you say? Because these events still happen, 32 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:20,720 Speaker 1: you know, graduations are coming up, you know, weddings occur 33 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:24,440 Speaker 1: in the family, funerals happen in the family. You know, 34 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:28,640 Speaker 1: But my kid is not working with you to to 35 00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:32,919 Speaker 1: put it plain and simple, in my estimation, I think 36 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:35,840 Speaker 1: you have to just assess each of these events based 37 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:40,040 Speaker 1: on what it is you intend to get from them. 38 00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:41,840 Speaker 1: It's like, are you going to these events just to 39 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:43,800 Speaker 1: play kate people or you feel like you just have 40 00:02:43,919 --> 00:02:46,160 Speaker 1: to go, or are you trying to see certain other 41 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:49,120 Speaker 1: family members, Because maybe it's more about making sure you 42 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:51,919 Speaker 1: spend time with those family members outside of those events. 43 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:55,000 Speaker 1: So did you get that time with them? And you're 44 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,720 Speaker 1: not obligated to spend time with someone you don't want 45 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:00,280 Speaker 1: to spend time with, who's triggering, who makes you feel bad, 46 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:03,639 Speaker 1: just to get time with other family members. Or maybe 47 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:06,040 Speaker 1: you go early, or maybe you say I'm going, I'm 48 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:08,919 Speaker 1: only staying an hour, or whatever the case may be. 49 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:11,160 Speaker 1: That it can look a number of different ways. This 50 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:13,640 Speaker 1: is just my opinion. You it could look at a 51 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:16,600 Speaker 1: certain a lot of different ways. The idea is to 52 00:03:16,639 --> 00:03:20,560 Speaker 1: center your knee. What are what are you trying to get? Who? 53 00:03:20,639 --> 00:03:23,520 Speaker 1: What are what are the priorities in this moment? Because 54 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:26,880 Speaker 1: I don't want to spend time in an environment where 55 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:30,720 Speaker 1: I feel deeply uncomfortable or harmed, and I don't want 56 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,880 Speaker 1: my children to spend time in an environment where they 57 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:36,000 Speaker 1: feel deeply uncomfortable and harmed. And I won't subject myself 58 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:38,000 Speaker 1: to it now. Mind you and I talked about this 59 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,600 Speaker 1: in any other episode. This is an agent who I've 60 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:43,800 Speaker 1: even moved into. This is not an agent who existed. 61 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:47,240 Speaker 1: I want to say, even as short as five years ago, 62 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:50,600 Speaker 1: I may have said, oh I'm just gonna bite the bomy, Well, 63 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:54,040 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna do it. I'm just gonna go come on, y'all, 64 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:57,080 Speaker 1: you know that kind of energy. But no, I don't. 65 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,040 Speaker 1: I don't feel the need to do those things anymore 66 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:03,000 Speaker 1: because I feel like maintaining and nurturing relationships and family 67 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:05,680 Speaker 1: is something that should be on going. It's not about 68 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:08,680 Speaker 1: a wedding or a funeral or a family real Thanksgiving. 69 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,760 Speaker 1: We're talking about if that's the only time we're talking 70 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 1: about someone who is sverly pathologically self righteous. This is 71 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:22,039 Speaker 1: what I was gonna ask you, Like, it's this person 72 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,120 Speaker 1: also giving off this energy to other family members and 73 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:25,560 Speaker 1: we're not talking about it because you know we do that, 74 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:31,200 Speaker 1: especially in black. Yes, yes, it's all the things. It's 75 00:04:31,279 --> 00:04:37,640 Speaker 1: it's it's severely self righteous, you know, it's it's compounded 76 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:43,000 Speaker 1: by I was just say Christianity or a certain kind 77 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:52,280 Speaker 1: of church um living and mentality, and damn Like, I mean, 78 00:04:52,279 --> 00:04:54,080 Speaker 1: we could just stay away and that's fine, but I 79 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:57,040 Speaker 1: know that at some point I have to step into 80 00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:01,799 Speaker 1: that arena. And you know, the question is where where 81 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:05,919 Speaker 1: is he? And the me that I am I'll be 82 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:08,840 Speaker 1: like him, funk with you, you know, like just to 83 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:12,000 Speaker 1: put it. But but but it's got to be another way. 84 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:14,760 Speaker 1: Well I'm wondering if anybody ever had the conversation with 85 00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:17,320 Speaker 1: that relative. Yeah, but that's what what she's saying, is 86 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:20,039 Speaker 1: that the real conversation. I mean, well, the conversation that 87 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:23,280 Speaker 1: that requires more and you're not obligated to have that, 88 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:26,880 Speaker 1: by the way, but the conversation that says, well, this 89 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,240 Speaker 1: is why people don't talk about you. This is the 90 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:31,880 Speaker 1: this is the issue. And it's not just my kid 91 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:34,680 Speaker 1: who fails this way. You have to be held accountable 92 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:38,239 Speaker 1: for your behavior if you want to participate in this family. 93 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,680 Speaker 1: But that also requires the rest of the family to 94 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:46,559 Speaker 1: have enough you knowness, to step up and say, hey, 95 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:49,000 Speaker 1: this is what we're gonna do, and and to gather 96 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:53,200 Speaker 1: the family for that is, especially when everybody has their 97 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:55,960 Speaker 1: own way of thinking of things and they might benefit 98 00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:59,039 Speaker 1: from the quieting of that conversation and all of these 99 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:01,240 Speaker 1: different things that's I say, just sent to your own 100 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,880 Speaker 1: This is this is also somebody who I could I 101 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:08,880 Speaker 1: could literally paint pink and they would say, I'm yellow. Yes, 102 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:15,440 Speaker 1: it's it's the delusion is unbelievable. I ain't got it. Yeah, 103 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:23,040 Speaker 1: I mean well, the answer is right, and I just 104 00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:26,039 Speaker 1: remember the good times. I remember that there were some 105 00:06:26,279 --> 00:06:30,440 Speaker 1: but at this stage in life, and it's just like, oh, 106 00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:33,000 Speaker 1: what happened? And do you remember the good times because 107 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,039 Speaker 1: you were younger and you weren't able to make critical 108 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:37,880 Speaker 1: thought like you are now. Because I remember good times too, 109 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,400 Speaker 1: but I'm like, I was younger and I really didn't 110 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 1: even recognize that and that and that now when I 111 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,840 Speaker 1: stepped back from but I'm like, oh, you was always 112 00:06:43,839 --> 00:06:50,799 Speaker 1: a motherfucker. Come on with always m hmmm mm hmmm wow. 113 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:56,280 Speaker 1: Learning to to be honest about that, particularly when you're 114 00:06:56,279 --> 00:07:01,040 Speaker 1: dealing with family, like you were always fucked up in 115 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:04,240 Speaker 1: some way, shape or form, or you always had an 116 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:07,719 Speaker 1: energy that you took me bowling, you took me to 117 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:10,040 Speaker 1: the movies, and I was I was in my joy like, yeah, 118 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:13,000 Speaker 1: because I'm a kid and I want to go somewhere 119 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:16,880 Speaker 1: and I want to do something. Yes, he was treating 120 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:18,480 Speaker 1: the ladies in the family, but seeing the way he 121 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:22,160 Speaker 1: was really talking to people, really really paying attention until 122 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:26,040 Speaker 1: I became one. Wow. But here's the thing. As a 123 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:29,160 Speaker 1: child and because people have a have kind of a 124 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:32,080 Speaker 1: way of not seeing you be anything other than whatever 125 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:35,160 Speaker 1: their core memory of you is. Then when you become 126 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,240 Speaker 1: an adult and you're able to hold adults in your 127 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 1: family accountable. That can be, you know, very difficult because 128 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:45,280 Speaker 1: if you can get ostracized, you know, people can't scold 129 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:48,560 Speaker 1: you about it, or you was being disrespectful even though 130 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:53,040 Speaker 1: everybody involved you all see it. You know what are 131 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,840 Speaker 1: you saying nothing but it's me? But I'm I'm the 132 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:58,960 Speaker 1: issue because I said something about it, or whatever the case. 133 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:17,400 Speaker 1: Maybe you know, we'll be right back. What I hope 134 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:23,160 Speaker 1: for people's families is that these young people moving forward, 135 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:28,080 Speaker 1: that we get better at discussing what it's doing. They 136 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:31,520 Speaker 1: are better already, I really and I think we are 137 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:34,560 Speaker 1: getting better at that discussing. I mean, I'll put my 138 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,600 Speaker 1: own family out there and I'll say, like, during the 139 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:39,839 Speaker 1: beginning of the pandemic, when you know, it was all 140 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:42,280 Speaker 1: funny games. That first month or so, we're eating every day, 141 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:44,920 Speaker 1: I'm cooking all the time, We're playing games, we had, 142 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:48,320 Speaker 1: we had Glow in the Dark, karaoke. We was like 143 00:08:48,360 --> 00:09:01,080 Speaker 1: we ain't got no way. And then about June it 144 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:04,520 Speaker 1: was like we ain't got no more forks left. And 145 00:09:04,559 --> 00:09:07,640 Speaker 1: it's like, see that's what I'm talking about. See, you 146 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:10,679 Speaker 1: ain't never care about me at all. From the beginning 147 00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:17,160 Speaker 1: where the four where the four I asked about a 148 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:21,679 Speaker 1: forky tomboy. I ain't never take you to the zook 149 00:09:22,679 --> 00:09:26,280 Speaker 1: you talk about it. I ain't never. I ain't never 150 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:32,040 Speaker 1: cared nothing about Okay. And what I loved about that 151 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:35,760 Speaker 1: moment was that we would we we dug up some things, 152 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:38,440 Speaker 1: you know. And I think in my family, I've always 153 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,400 Speaker 1: had this feeling, Oh, I got a good relationship with 154 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:46,920 Speaker 1: my kids, you know. And but even and it helped 155 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,520 Speaker 1: me to understand even a situation where you have a 156 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:52,319 Speaker 1: good relationship, even when you've worked on some of your stuff, 157 00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:58,079 Speaker 1: some of those ways that we subdue people's issues and 158 00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:01,920 Speaker 1: their beliefs and how they feel and their humanity and 159 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:06,240 Speaker 1: their individuality, that these have become normalized, and that we 160 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:09,040 Speaker 1: do it even in families like ours, where I believe 161 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:11,439 Speaker 1: that we are all part of an evolved kind of 162 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:15,360 Speaker 1: state of being as it as it pertains to relationships, family, kids. 163 00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:18,840 Speaker 1: The whole night, and honestly, that was an open eye 164 00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:21,720 Speaker 1: opened it for me because it was like, Okay, Asia, 165 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:24,240 Speaker 1: yeah that's cute. You got a good relationship with your kids. 166 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:25,920 Speaker 1: But see this is that was the that was the 167 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,840 Speaker 1: one on one class you passed the one on one 168 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:34,080 Speaker 1: class boom and these are the grad classes. Baby, these 169 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:36,800 Speaker 1: are these are your this is your major. Let's get 170 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:39,880 Speaker 1: into it. Let's do these other things. Let's dig deep, 171 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 1: Let's get into this resort. Let's talk to these kids, 172 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:46,280 Speaker 1: Let's do this. Let I wish that we could do 173 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:50,640 Speaker 1: this with our families, like uh, you know our biological 174 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:53,840 Speaker 1: families that just get together. And have we passed the 175 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,640 Speaker 1: opportunity is that? I mean, has that door closed? Though? 176 00:10:56,679 --> 00:11:00,600 Speaker 1: It's my question, Like I don't think it has. I 177 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:03,000 Speaker 1: don't think it has. I think it has to be 178 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:06,600 Speaker 1: a choice. Like everybody get together like families. You know 179 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:10,280 Speaker 1: the essays that everybody writes for for the holiday. It's 180 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:14,040 Speaker 1: I admitted a holiday. It's called families. It's it's family 181 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:17,959 Speaker 1: is is what it is. And you know, at the 182 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:20,560 Speaker 1: in order to get a gift, you have to write 183 00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:24,000 Speaker 1: a one page essay. And that's because you don't get 184 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:28,680 Speaker 1: something for nothing in this life period. So the essays 185 00:11:28,679 --> 00:11:32,640 Speaker 1: are intended for people to reveal some things, but how 186 00:11:32,679 --> 00:11:36,560 Speaker 1: they feel and how you know, what confuses them or 187 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:39,640 Speaker 1: makes them you know, scared or angry or whatever you 188 00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:43,800 Speaker 1: know that is. And I had to just recently stop 189 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:47,040 Speaker 1: everybody from writing about gratitude. Like I feel like that's, 190 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,480 Speaker 1: oh yeah, okay, let's just assume that we're all grateful. 191 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:53,440 Speaker 1: Let's just assume it and and write about something that 192 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:57,840 Speaker 1: matters to you. Please, just just please, you know, like 193 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,679 Speaker 1: I'm trying to open doors. That's that you have to 194 00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:03,720 Speaker 1: add that to the activities list of the reunions. I 195 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:06,400 Speaker 1: like the revision what you're doing, Jill, is you're realizing 196 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:09,480 Speaker 1: the activities list. I'm thinking, I'm like, maybe we need 197 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,600 Speaker 1: to because you do that in your home. But it's like, 198 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,800 Speaker 1: maybe we don't need a three legged race because you're 199 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:19,520 Speaker 1: an opportunity for people to the issue is that you see, 200 00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:22,480 Speaker 1: you got to be ready. But see, yeah that's in theory, 201 00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:24,400 Speaker 1: that's good, but you're gonna get a letter that because 202 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:26,440 Speaker 1: if I go pull out a letter and like and 203 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,320 Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be funny, but you gotta be ready. 204 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,160 Speaker 1: And that's But the thing is too, I'm like, you 205 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:34,079 Speaker 1: gotta It's like Jill just her family, but then there's 206 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,840 Speaker 1: like a whole other branches, and you know, we've got 207 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,840 Speaker 1: family in different states and whatnot that think differently that 208 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:42,080 Speaker 1: I don't even know certain things about the family and 209 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:43,760 Speaker 1: stuff like that. So it's like, those are the people 210 00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:45,679 Speaker 1: that we really need to be building with. My immediate 211 00:12:45,679 --> 00:12:47,440 Speaker 1: family were straight, we think the same, we go, we're 212 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:50,880 Speaker 1: on the same thing now, shout shout out St. Louis 213 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:52,920 Speaker 1: and in New York we need to we we probably 214 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:54,440 Speaker 1: need to you know, connect a little bit more on 215 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:59,480 Speaker 1: those levels. Those family reunions really were something I can't front, like, 216 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:02,480 Speaker 1: just ben't able to. I loved it. I did just 217 00:13:02,559 --> 00:13:06,360 Speaker 1: be to see cousins and aunties and listened to the 218 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:10,400 Speaker 1: jokes and and watch people people. You know, that was 219 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:14,080 Speaker 1: nice and we could go further with the aman. I 220 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:16,679 Speaker 1: never had a family reunion on either side of it 221 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:20,360 Speaker 1: was fun. We stayed in motels and then um we 222 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,880 Speaker 1: was never did a nice had so much chlorine in 223 00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:26,520 Speaker 1: the water, we come out green. But what level was 224 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:28,800 Speaker 1: your reunion level? Because here's the thing, Asia, I am 225 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:32,000 Speaker 1: envious of people who have official reunions with like hundreds 226 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:36,000 Speaker 1: of people T shirts and locations and T shirts and 227 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,840 Speaker 1: stuff trying to do that. A lot of them to 228 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:40,000 Speaker 1: stay here at the house and whatnot. So would you 229 00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:41,640 Speaker 1: would would you do? We did have the T shirts, 230 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:44,120 Speaker 1: We had him at the park, we had everybody with 231 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,719 Speaker 1: meet at the park. You know, people would drive in 232 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:48,840 Speaker 1: or fly in or whatever. We just had him at 233 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:52,240 Speaker 1: the park. We go pee in the woods. You know. 234 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:57,000 Speaker 1: It was really I mean we had gathering basic Yeah, 235 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,720 Speaker 1: I mean we had we had gatherings. There were holidays 236 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:02,520 Speaker 1: and we used to do something. Um shout out to 237 00:14:02,679 --> 00:14:05,320 Speaker 1: kids who grew up in the DC area who camped 238 00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:07,400 Speaker 1: that lake and we used to always go down the 239 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:11,600 Speaker 1: lake Anna and we we can win camping. We did 240 00:14:11,679 --> 00:14:14,120 Speaker 1: things as a family, you know, so we I have 241 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:18,640 Speaker 1: memories yeah, yeah, some of my extended family because even 242 00:14:18,679 --> 00:14:21,440 Speaker 1: some of my mom's friends kids went on these trips too, 243 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:24,640 Speaker 1: and so these are some of my best friends to 244 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:27,760 Speaker 1: this day. And and then we stopped going and we 245 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,160 Speaker 1: started going to the outer Banks and we did We 246 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,880 Speaker 1: did that for many years. And so we've done a 247 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:36,640 Speaker 1: lot of things as a family and and and gathered 248 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:40,280 Speaker 1: together a lot, but we never had like a family reunion. 249 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:42,600 Speaker 1: I did have an uncle that eventually did some work. 250 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:46,240 Speaker 1: I'm just really thinking about that. I'm like, family, such 251 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:49,200 Speaker 1: a good opportunity to do productive type things. And even 252 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:51,680 Speaker 1: in a networking situation like do you I don't even 253 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:53,560 Speaker 1: know what most of my cousins do for a living, 254 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:55,680 Speaker 1: Like you know what I mean, Like we never get 255 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,360 Speaker 1: a chance to really like build on that. Yo, I'm 256 00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:00,720 Speaker 1: gonna tell y'all not for not using. It's so unfortunate 257 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:03,200 Speaker 1: that these meetings a lot of times happened with deaths. 258 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:06,560 Speaker 1: And I remember um when my cousin's husband passed recently 259 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:08,520 Speaker 1: in the last few months and I went to St. 260 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:10,640 Speaker 1: Louis and I got to sit with some young cousins 261 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:13,160 Speaker 1: in your twenties and we were just talking. I was 262 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,680 Speaker 1: realizing that a lot of them are involved in like 263 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,920 Speaker 1: the stock game and the crypto and they were teaching 264 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:20,280 Speaker 1: me stuff. And I was like, look at my St. 265 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:24,280 Speaker 1: Louis cousins, like we need to build off, Like why 266 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:26,240 Speaker 1: don't we have a finance group where you guys can 267 00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:28,680 Speaker 1: teach the older cousins about this kind of stuff. And 268 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:30,080 Speaker 1: it was like, well, we actually have a group, but 269 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:37,440 Speaker 1: it's all the young people. Hello, Like come on, y'all, 270 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:39,680 Speaker 1: but what happens when your family is raggedy with money? 271 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,800 Speaker 1: Everybody but every That's the thing though, y'all you think 272 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:47,720 Speaker 1: your whole family is, but there's there are some folks 273 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:54,440 Speaker 1: that's I was like, what they're doing St. Louis. Well, listen, 274 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:55,840 Speaker 1: let me tell you. I just had a conversation with 275 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:58,320 Speaker 1: a girlfriend today and she talked about the fact that, 276 00:15:58,440 --> 00:15:59,960 Speaker 1: you know, we do have to have a little bit 277 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,280 Speaker 1: more investment groups and stuff like that. But I want 278 00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:05,000 Speaker 1: to shout out my uncle Warren bless him, has been 279 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:06,960 Speaker 1: trying to get us to do that for over twenty 280 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,600 Speaker 1: years and we still haven't done it because I know, 281 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:11,720 Speaker 1: what about family members gonna listen to this and be like, 282 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:18,600 Speaker 1: uh huh, Uncle Warren. But you know, I think I 283 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:21,880 Speaker 1: think what you said is really key. The key thing 284 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:25,560 Speaker 1: is that when families are not doing productive things to 285 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,600 Speaker 1: connect and relate to one another at a deeper level. 286 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,880 Speaker 1: As a family, you're always going to have those things 287 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:35,360 Speaker 1: that nobody talks about, those things that people tuck. And 288 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,280 Speaker 1: the more that they tuck and tuck and tuck, it 289 00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:39,720 Speaker 1: has it's it's gonna come out in a toxic way 290 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:43,800 Speaker 1: and eventually somebody in the family is gonna have a 291 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,400 Speaker 1: moment and they're gonna be singled out is the one 292 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,720 Speaker 1: who has the issue when the family itself has the 293 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:51,560 Speaker 1: issue and we all know it, you know, And so 294 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:54,840 Speaker 1: instead of continuing to pretend that that's the issue. And 295 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:56,760 Speaker 1: that's why I said some of it's a little far gone. 296 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:59,280 Speaker 1: It's like some stuff we may have to reserve for 297 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:03,920 Speaker 1: the next generation because the stress. Just acknowledging the acknowledgement 298 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:07,480 Speaker 1: of it is important. I went through a rabbit hole 299 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:08,840 Speaker 1: with my mother one day. We were just, you know, 300 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:10,679 Speaker 1: you servicely talk about family, and then I was like, 301 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:13,439 Speaker 1: but let's get under the service though, ma, Let's talk 302 00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,720 Speaker 1: about how that person was raised and what their household 303 00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:18,840 Speaker 1: really looked like, and where was there their their dad 304 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:20,320 Speaker 1: at this time and all this stuff. And I was like, 305 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:24,720 Speaker 1: when you really look, everything happened full reason. Everybody the 306 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:27,000 Speaker 1: way they are for a reason. That's all I'm saying. 307 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:28,960 Speaker 1: Maybe as a family we should just know. We said 308 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,520 Speaker 1: that the very least know the reasons. And I tell 309 00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:36,480 Speaker 1: you what I think. And with my my grandmother was 310 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:41,560 Speaker 1: was a housekeeper for a Jewish family and they told 311 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:46,600 Speaker 1: her a lot about thread count. And I don't know 312 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:50,160 Speaker 1: if they necessarily meant to teach her, but she learned 313 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:54,400 Speaker 1: about the read count and queen and furniture and quality. 314 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:58,320 Speaker 1: What's quality furniture? Quality furnitures you can't feel the bones 315 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:02,800 Speaker 1: in it, that kind of thing. So my grandmother's daughters 316 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:11,560 Speaker 1: specifically like fine things. They're very much into like quality, 317 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:16,639 Speaker 1: fine things. Now where we lose, where we lose our 318 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:19,399 Speaker 1: way with me and then my mom and my aunts, 319 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:24,479 Speaker 1: is that it's it's so much of it. You know, 320 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:28,040 Speaker 1: at a certain point, you know you've shopped, you know, 321 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:36,200 Speaker 1: you filled your house with stuff. Now that's it, there's 322 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:38,960 Speaker 1: no more. You know, make sure you like the thing 323 00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:44,080 Speaker 1: that you're getting, because that's it. You know, for a while, 324 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:47,280 Speaker 1: maybe in five years or so, you want to change 325 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,320 Speaker 1: the color, change the painter, because you know, because that's fun, 326 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:52,120 Speaker 1: and that's what you want to do. That's what's up. 327 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:55,439 Speaker 1: But at one point, at one point, I'll say, I 328 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:58,400 Speaker 1: got my mom's house. I come back. I said, hey, 329 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:00,960 Speaker 1: last time I was here, everything and was like yellow. 330 00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:04,119 Speaker 1: Now it's now it's turquoise. No, no, it was always 331 00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:07,240 Speaker 1: this way, it was always this sway. No, it wasn't. No, 332 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:10,879 Speaker 1: it wasn't. Her and her sister that got together and 333 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:13,120 Speaker 1: they would shopping and they had the best time ever. 334 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:17,480 Speaker 1: I'm like, you, guys, where is the other stuff? I 335 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:20,719 Speaker 1: go in the garage. It's more stuff. It's it's so 336 00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:23,879 Speaker 1: much stuff. I don't even know where to begin, like friends, 337 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:27,080 Speaker 1: we have to have a garage sale or something. We 338 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,600 Speaker 1: got to sell this stuff on the on the intwb, 339 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,600 Speaker 1: we have to do something. But they have this thing 340 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:39,600 Speaker 1: where a quantity um. Although they love quality, they just 341 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:43,440 Speaker 1: want to quantity of things. And I'm doing the best 342 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:45,440 Speaker 1: that I don't want. I don't want to I don't 343 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,520 Speaker 1: want that that particular disease, and I don't want to 344 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:52,920 Speaker 1: pass that STA very well could. But I mean their 345 00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:57,000 Speaker 1: mother was fresh smack into the depression, you know. So 346 00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:01,400 Speaker 1: people that don't have mean a lot of our parents, 347 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:03,959 Speaker 1: a lot of our parents have a you know a 348 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:06,280 Speaker 1: lot of their value systems are based on the lack 349 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:11,920 Speaker 1: having not had something or not experienced something, and so 350 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:14,720 Speaker 1: things that they have kind of wrapped into these are 351 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:18,280 Speaker 1: my values are really just kind of trauma responses. But 352 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:21,280 Speaker 1: you know, I guess we all, to a degree, some 353 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:24,840 Speaker 1: of us have that where ways that we decided to 354 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:31,440 Speaker 1: live our lives are deeply idea defined by the ways 355 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,600 Speaker 1: that we've been trying to do something. I'm gonna, you know, 356 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:35,359 Speaker 1: be like, I'm not speaking to my mother and my 357 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,280 Speaker 1: aunt no more. You know, I'm not gonna stop speaking 358 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:41,320 Speaker 1: to them about that. I just have to put them 359 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:45,080 Speaker 1: on a budget. You know that that I'm comfortable with 360 00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:48,520 Speaker 1: because I know it's it's basically thrown away money. They're 361 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:52,480 Speaker 1: not going to do anything. But you haven't to the trauma, Jill, 362 00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,480 Speaker 1: when you just gotta give into the trauma because it 363 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:59,520 Speaker 1: ain't really given to you when you know it's no change, 364 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:02,359 Speaker 1: and that's it when they happen, didn't when they're n 365 00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:10,440 Speaker 1: and they gave so much to me, and I did 366 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:17,080 Speaker 1: have the dream house I did. Oh let him have 367 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:23,000 Speaker 1: because somebody's gonna do that to us. Y'all realize, y'all 368 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,840 Speaker 1: realized somebody's gonna do that to us. At one point. 369 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:29,320 Speaker 1: They're gonna be like, just let her do like fresh flowers. 370 00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:33,359 Speaker 1: Let and at a certain age you've earned it. So 371 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:38,520 Speaker 1: it's like, at a certain age, if I'm not hurting you, 372 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:43,280 Speaker 1: if I'm not traumatizing you, if I'm not being harmed, 373 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:46,840 Speaker 1: and she getting that ship on sale, let me let 374 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:49,760 Speaker 1: me have four tell us. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. 375 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:53,680 Speaker 1: I want. It's not that's on a home goods fucking 376 00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:57,320 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like that enjoy it's not 377 00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:02,639 Speaker 1: the worst thing that chill, But I have to also 378 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,919 Speaker 1: have to be mindful because I can't wait till I 379 00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:12,160 Speaker 1: get to play cater age, playcate me, play Kate Me. Now, 380 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:15,240 Speaker 1: I want my kids to have conversations behind my back 381 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,280 Speaker 1: about how they're gonna let me do some wilder ship 382 00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:20,960 Speaker 1: and get away with it. Don't you know? Mom gotta 383 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:23,880 Speaker 1: have a vacation every year where we sending them. Yeah, 384 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:36,280 Speaker 1: she does, and that's nice. Oh, now that's why give 385 00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:44,200 Speaker 1: me a list six kids. Don't tell the twins that 386 00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:51,440 Speaker 1: can't be combined. I mean, if everybody joins in the gather, 387 00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:58,399 Speaker 1: she said, that's the normal. Yeah, by what you know, 388 00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:02,640 Speaker 1: by August retirement, you know, we should start that now. 389 00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:19,600 Speaker 1: We'll be back after the break. Yeah, I do think 390 00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:22,160 Speaker 1: we went full Auntie, and we're not talking about how 391 00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:26,520 Speaker 1: we talk, how we part ways with family. We didn't win. 392 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:28,960 Speaker 1: We go when we went a little bit further, but 393 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,560 Speaker 1: then we went off the edge. We did. Listen, we 394 00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:33,760 Speaker 1: went off the edge. This is what we're gonna do. 395 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,840 Speaker 1: This is gonna happen most of the time. Sometimes we're 396 00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:40,040 Speaker 1: gonna stick straight to the topic, but most times we're 397 00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:47,520 Speaker 1: going to veer off the road a bit because yeah, 398 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:52,000 Speaker 1: this is what we do. And these these conversations. It 399 00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:54,480 Speaker 1: may not be the whole thing. I like that y'all have. 400 00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:56,679 Speaker 1: I didn't say I ain't saying the word. I just 401 00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:58,919 Speaker 1: said that I earned things. Because it may not be 402 00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:04,240 Speaker 1: the whole thing, but something that's going to spark, spark 403 00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:06,840 Speaker 1: some thoughts in your mind and make you reconsider or 404 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:11,320 Speaker 1: consider or let's slide some ship that's happening in your life. 405 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:15,400 Speaker 1: I don't know, but I hope for that. I definitely 406 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:17,320 Speaker 1: hope the best for you. We all do. We want 407 00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:19,760 Speaker 1: the best for you, for real, for real. I just 408 00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:22,399 Speaker 1: wanted to acknowledge this this real quick because I think 409 00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:24,280 Speaker 1: we're gonna get some comments now. I think we're gonna 410 00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:28,280 Speaker 1: get some comments from people. Some people do have deeply 411 00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:33,119 Speaker 1: toxic families, word that they need to for their own 412 00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:40,520 Speaker 1: preservation separate themselves, and you know what I'm saying. So there, 413 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,199 Speaker 1: I want to acknowledge that because I feel like in 414 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:45,840 Speaker 1: our personal environments that we have learned to kind of 415 00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:47,920 Speaker 1: manage our relationships, and we've talked about the kind of 416 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,639 Speaker 1: lighter side to it. I want to be really, really 417 00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:54,159 Speaker 1: clear that there are some people who have to really 418 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:58,639 Speaker 1: make very strong and intentional boundaries with people who they 419 00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,760 Speaker 1: are related to as some times with their own parents, 420 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:08,840 Speaker 1: siblings or children. That we've been blessed and I had 421 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:13,320 Speaker 1: those particular situations. But age is absolutely right. And I 422 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:16,560 Speaker 1: love when you bring it back, bring it back to 423 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:18,919 Speaker 1: the I love it when you bring it back to 424 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:23,679 Speaker 1: the bigger picture that some of you are having to 425 00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:27,760 Speaker 1: walk away from family because they're unhealthy for you. This 426 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:32,119 Speaker 1: means that you may end up feeling a lot lonelier 427 00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:37,200 Speaker 1: for a while. But I will always suggest to take 428 00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:42,600 Speaker 1: some time, uh you're slow, molasses as time and create 429 00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:45,560 Speaker 1: a family of your own. And I'm not saying make 430 00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:50,760 Speaker 1: children or marry somebody. I'm just saying, part of our friendships, yeah, 431 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:54,560 Speaker 1: because you can pick those. You can pick those. You 432 00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:59,959 Speaker 1: can't pick your friendships, but you ask molasses time because 433 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:03,399 Speaker 1: as um even those things, you know, friendships turn left, 434 00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:07,280 Speaker 1: family relationships turn left. You have to be really careful. 435 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:11,679 Speaker 1: If you've been in a history of toxicity, you have 436 00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:16,600 Speaker 1: to be careful. So be easy, be easy, but be 437 00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:21,000 Speaker 1: definitive about walking away from what hurts you. What I'm saying, 438 00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:22,960 Speaker 1: And maybe talk to your cousins too, because they probably 439 00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:25,320 Speaker 1: got the same issues about fire you an alliance man 440 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:31,919 Speaker 1: did somebody write a song called Slowly Surely? Huh? Take it? 441 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:35,680 Speaker 1: Take it back to slowly surely if you want your song. 442 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:45,600 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening to Jay dot Ilda podcast. Listen. 443 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:49,600 Speaker 1: We are always open to hearing how you did it, 444 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:53,919 Speaker 1: because you know, we might be flailing our arms in 445 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:56,040 Speaker 1: the dark. But if you got a piece of light 446 00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:59,520 Speaker 1: to share about how you got through something, particularly how 447 00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:03,119 Speaker 1: you let someone in your family or in your in 448 00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,880 Speaker 1: your friendship circle, you let them go? Can you tell 449 00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:15,639 Speaker 1: us how you did that? Appreciate y'all peace. How do 450 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:23,080 Speaker 1: you eat an elephant? One by? It? Time? Hey, listeners, 451 00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:26,520 Speaker 1: It's Amber here, the producer of JD I L and 452 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:30,959 Speaker 1: this episode The Ladies continued the conversation of letting go 453 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:37,439 Speaker 1: complicated toxic relationships. It's a really layered topic and a 454 00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:40,919 Speaker 1: heavy thing to move through. If you find yourself waiting 455 00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:43,720 Speaker 1: through these waters, I want to recommend processing with a 456 00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:47,399 Speaker 1: licensed therapist. There are sites like better Help and talk 457 00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:50,520 Speaker 1: space where you can reach someone virtually to help give 458 00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:53,880 Speaker 1: you the specific tools you need to heal and get 459 00:27:53,920 --> 00:28:09,719 Speaker 1: a little more free. Hi, if you have comments on 460 00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:14,280 Speaker 1: something we said in this episode called eight six six, Hey, Jill, 461 00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:17,520 Speaker 1: if you want to add to this conversation. That's eight 462 00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:21,639 Speaker 1: six six nine five four five five. Don't forget to 463 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:24,359 Speaker 1: tell us your name and the episode you're referring to. 464 00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:27,960 Speaker 1: You might just hear your message on a future episode. 465 00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:32,400 Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to Jill Scott Presents Jay dot Ill. 466 00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:38,120 Speaker 1: The podcast Jay dot Ill is a production of I 467 00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:42,600 Speaker 1: heart Radio. For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit 468 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:46,880 Speaker 1: the i heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you 469 00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:48,480 Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows.