Speaker 1: Change is never comfortable.
Speaker 2: Deadass, However, the caveats you need to be uncomfortable to change.
Speaker 3: M hm hm hmmm, deadass. Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm
Speaker 3: Devoured and we're the Ellis's.
Speaker 4: You may know us from posting funny videos with our.
Speaker 2: Voice and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.
Speaker 4: Wait, I make you need therapy most days.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 3: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Speaker 1: Yes, sir, we are.
Speaker 4: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Speaker 4: li's most taboo topics.
Speaker 3: Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Speaker 4: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
Speaker 4: is a term that we say every day. So when
Speaker 4: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred
Speaker 4: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Speaker 4: We about to take philosof to our whole new level.
Speaker 3: Dead ass starts right now.
Speaker 2: Story time all right, story time, growth, mindset, discomfort with chains.
Speaker 4: I'm actually going to take y'all back to two thousand,
Speaker 4: twenty four years ago. I was a sixteen year old
Speaker 4: sophomore in high school and I was starring a basketball team,
Speaker 4: had good grades. I'm like yo, I'm going to go
Speaker 4: play college basketball and make my life whatever it is.
Speaker 4: But at the time, basketball was my way out. I
Speaker 4: didn't know anything else. I'm like, if I play sports
Speaker 4: well enough and I can get a scholarship, I can
Speaker 4: do basketball. I'm playing. In the game, kid goes for
Speaker 4: a layup. I blocked the ball. Boom, get the rebound,
Speaker 4: come back down, dunk it. I'm sixteen years old at
Speaker 4: the time, I'm only like five to nine, right. Football
Speaker 4: coach comes over to me after the game. He goes, hey,
Speaker 4: you ever thought about playing football? No, I'm five nine,
Speaker 4: one hundred and thirty two pounds.
Speaker 1: Like, I'm not.
Speaker 4: I'm not playing football. I'm not tackling nobody. This was
Speaker 4: coach Ish, who you know, you know Ish. He was
Speaker 4: just like, eight, bro, show me how many five nine
Speaker 4: guys are in the NBA right now.
Speaker 1: I was like, said exactly.
Speaker 4: He said, I couldn't nobody exactly. I said, but I
Speaker 4: can show you a ton of guys playing football. He said,
Speaker 4: I can guarantee you go to school for free music
Speaker 4: to my yeah, because at the time, I wasn't. I
Speaker 4: wasn't thinking pro athlete. I wasn't I was thinking change
Speaker 4: my circumstance. I don't want to be in Brooklyn. I
Speaker 4: want to go somewhere else. I want to get a
Speaker 4: higher education. I had a plan.
Speaker 1: So he was out. He you go to school for free.
Speaker 1: I said, cool.
Speaker 4: He says, you got to play football. He said, you
Speaker 4: play receiver. You'll go in between the numbers in the sidelines.
Speaker 4: That's all I need you for. I need you anywhere inside.
Speaker 4: You don't got to tackle nobody or lies. But in
Speaker 4: that moment, change started. And it was the most uncomfortable
Speaker 4: part of my life at fifteen, because now I had
Speaker 4: to go from being a finesse athlete who everybody knew
Speaker 4: for playing basketball to being a kid that nobody thought
Speaker 4: could play football, also being too small realistically to play football.
Speaker 4: And it took me about a whole year, my whole
Speaker 4: junior season. Even though I had some success, it was
Speaker 4: a struggle, like I didn't know much about the game
Speaker 4: and I didn't know much about developing as a football athlete,
Speaker 4: and it was hard. It was hard, But during that time,
Speaker 4: those challenges made me a better person all around, and
Speaker 4: I grew as a person because of the uncomfortable nature
Speaker 4: of trying to be a football player. And I became
Speaker 4: so good at learning how to be comfortable in that
Speaker 4: uncomfortable nature that it just followed me the rest of
Speaker 4: my life, and the rest was history. Ended up getting
Speaker 4: a football scholarship and going to the NFL. But if
Speaker 4: it wasn't for me being able to be uncomfortable during
Speaker 4: that change, never would happen, Never would have happened.
Speaker 3: All right, karaoke time, karaoke time.
Speaker 2: Yes, So today we're talking about change, things being uncomfortable
Speaker 2: and baby, when the times get rough and the going
Speaker 2: gets tough, who else do we lean on but the
Speaker 2: Lord fact. So that being said, this is the song
Speaker 2: you got for today? What a fellowship? Okay, a joy
Speaker 2: divine leaning on?
Speaker 1: Get do you get? Tell you to a Baptist.
Speaker 3: No, we're saying this very dryly.
Speaker 2: It was more like a what a fellowship? It was
Speaker 2: that joy divine leaning.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: My church was very we didn't clap or anything. I
Speaker 2: know things are different now, but when I was growing
Speaker 2: up in an Adventist church, everything.
Speaker 4: Was very Yes, oh that's why you was going so slow.
Speaker 1: Not in the Baptist church.
Speaker 2: Everything session what a blessed what a peace of mind?
Speaker 2: Leaning on the everlasting arms?
Speaker 4: Leaning y'all heard the double club that double clap off
Speaker 4: beat class, Safe.
Speaker 2: And secure from all alarms, y'all, leaning on the everlasting arm.
Speaker 1: Those those words mean a lot.
Speaker 4: Let's take they take a quick break, and then we'll
Speaker 4: come back and discuss why those words are so important.
Speaker 2: What have I to dread? What have I to fear?
Speaker 2: Leaning on the everlasting? Maybe it's a word. We'll be back,
Speaker 2: all right, So let's unpack the story time a little bit.
Speaker 2: The question that came to mind when you were talking
Speaker 2: about the story and talking about the discomfort you felt
Speaker 2: having to learn this new way of doing things. How
Speaker 2: different do you think your life would have been if
Speaker 2: you did not lean into that being a lesson so
Speaker 2: early on when you were younger, like you were able
Speaker 2: to see that, Wow, I made this change in a
Speaker 2: season of discomfort, and it gave me this product. So
Speaker 2: is that something that you just felt like you were
Speaker 2: going to continue to do moving forward because of that
Speaker 2: one situation or you just felt like it was always
Speaker 2: in you to want.
Speaker 3: To do that.
Speaker 4: No, that one situation showed me that in order to elevate,
Speaker 4: you have to be willing to deal with discomfort. For example,
Speaker 4: your star at a sport at fifteen. Everyone knows you
Speaker 4: for that sport. It's easy to say I'm going to
Speaker 4: stick with this because I'm good at this, But then
Speaker 4: you also have to realize that, well, I may be
Speaker 4: good at this, but do I have the natural gifts
Speaker 4: and talents?
Speaker 1: Even if I worked hard?
Speaker 4: And you can't be six ' eight, even if I
Speaker 4: worked hard, will this sport take me to a place
Speaker 4: where I see my life going? And sometimes leaning on
Speaker 4: the everlasting mom is also lever lasting arm is listening
Speaker 4: when God put someone in your life to send you
Speaker 4: a message to say, maybe you might want to try
Speaker 4: this way. First of all, you have to use discernment
Speaker 4: to say is this message coming from God? Or is
Speaker 4: this message from me just seeing something and wanting to
Speaker 4: do something.
Speaker 2: Different, trying to fit that square piece into the circle
Speaker 2: hole kind of thing.
Speaker 4: I honestly felt like God sent me that message because
Speaker 4: something about it just seems so right. And even though
Speaker 4: I knew I was going to be uncomfortable, it was
Speaker 4: like rock with it. And when I tell you I
Speaker 4: was uncomfortable. Okay, I had to go to my first
Speaker 4: football camp. I didn't bring the right clothes, I didn't
Speaker 4: like contact at the time. I had to hit dudes
Speaker 4: who are fifty pounds heavier than me. I had to
Speaker 4: get hit by dudes. I was around a group of people.
Speaker 4: Even in this time in school when you're popular, in
Speaker 4: this pockets of popularity, I was not popular amongst the
Speaker 4: football team. So here I am with a group of
Speaker 4: guys and maybe only one or two of them Stephen Bofo,
Speaker 4: who everybody knows now shout out to my boy Bofer
Speaker 4: from Coney Island. He lives in LA He works in
Speaker 4: the industry.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 4: He always embraced me. One of his friends, actually Cambridge
Speaker 4: always embraced me. So I had two people on a
Speaker 4: team of about forty people who embraced me. Everybody else
Speaker 4: was kind of like, ah, you're a basketball player, you
Speaker 4: can't do this. But I learned how to be uncomfortable
Speaker 4: but also respect the craft of what they're doing. And
Speaker 4: then once I was able to thrive in that field,
Speaker 4: a field that I didn't think I would be successful in,
Speaker 4: it showed me that I can do whatever I want
Speaker 4: as long as I submit myself to God, listen to
Speaker 4: what God is saying, continue to work, be respectful to
Speaker 4: whatever the changes that I'm doing, not being arrogant to
Speaker 4: think that, oh, since I was good at this, I'll
Speaker 4: then be good at that.
Speaker 1: It took me a whole year.
Speaker 3: Trust in the process.
Speaker 1: Trust in the process.
Speaker 4: It took me a whole year in high school to
Speaker 4: figure out the game of football order for me to
Speaker 4: be successful. When I figured it out, brough a bunch
Speaker 4: of broke a bunch of records, and became a full
Speaker 4: scholarship athlete and ultimately an all city or state player.
Speaker 4: But going through that taught me about change and told
Speaker 4: me that change was necessary in order to reach my goals.
Speaker 4: You have a plan, But I say this all the time.
Speaker 4: The funniest thing you can do in life is tell
Speaker 4: God where your plan is.
Speaker 3: I've seen that time and time again.
Speaker 4: My plan was never to play football. Ever, my brother
Speaker 4: played football his whole life.
Speaker 1: I watched him. It was like, this is dumb.
Speaker 2: I remember meeting you at the Tradeway Field School banquet
Speaker 2: and you told me that you were a football player,
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh, okay, I mean cool, if
Speaker 2: you're playing football, that's awesome. But what I thought, esthetically
Speaker 2: a football player looked like, you know, I'm looking at
Speaker 2: NFL players.
Speaker 3: I was just like, well, I guess I guess he'll
Speaker 3: grow into it.
Speaker 1: Huh right, No, seriously, sious, most people did?
Speaker 4: I mean when you met me, I was five ten,
Speaker 4: one hundred and forty six pounds.
Speaker 3: Were you one and forty?
Speaker 4: When I went to camp that year in August, I
Speaker 4: weighed I was trying to get to one fifty five.
Speaker 4: I weighed in at one eight. Oh my goodness, I
Speaker 4: was I was small and I was tiny.
Speaker 2: And when we started dating in college, there were all
Speaker 2: the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches late at night, making
Speaker 2: bacon eggs and pancakesakes every thirteenth floor. Estebrook hall me
Speaker 2: just saying, all right, you need to gain how much
Speaker 2: weight we're just gonna eat?
Speaker 3: And I gained the weight too. And then what talk
Speaker 3: about discomfort?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: It was comfortable for me the minute it left my lips.
Speaker 2: I'm like Deville was going to say that it was
Speaker 2: comfortable for him. I can think of one of my
Speaker 2: earlier seasons of discomfort, And I think it happens for
Speaker 2: us around kind of that teenage years or high school
Speaker 2: years rather, because that's when you kind of start to
Speaker 2: have an awareness of self. You're starting to not necessarily
Speaker 2: lean as much on your parents, but you're trying to
Speaker 2: figure out who you are. So my earliest season of
Speaker 2: discomfort was when I was graduating from Midwood High School.
Speaker 2: I was applying to colleges and my track at that
Speaker 2: point was going to be nursing and eventually pediatrics.
Speaker 3: I always wanted to be a.
Speaker 2: Pediatrician, but I think that was just the narrative that
Speaker 2: I was teaching myself. Having existing in the comfort of
Speaker 2: the space of medical professionals.
Speaker 3: That was the mindset that I had.
Speaker 4: The narrative I taught myself.
Speaker 2: Yes, the narrative I taught myself because I was existing
Speaker 2: within a world of medical professionals with my immediate family
Speaker 2: and surrounding family members, and everyone applauded and revered the
Speaker 2: idea of Kadeen.
Speaker 3: Becoming a pediatrician.
Speaker 2: And it made me think of this more recently because
Speaker 2: my mom was watching some old videos Florida at my
Speaker 2: grandma's house and I was giving an introduction of myself
Speaker 2: to the audience when I was on stage competing for
Speaker 2: the Miss New York Junior Team title, and I said
Speaker 2: that I aspire one day to be a pediatrician, and
Speaker 2: I was just like man. That was back when I
Speaker 2: was just I told myself that that's what I wanted
Speaker 2: to speak. It sounded good at the time, and it
Speaker 2: made sense, and every parent wants their kid to be
Speaker 2: a doctor, and I was just trying to walk in
Speaker 2: that purpose of what my family had for me. But
Speaker 2: the discomfort came in when time came to apply for
Speaker 2: colleges and I was applying to these pre med and
Speaker 2: nursing programs and just was not bought into the idea
Speaker 2: of it. And my comfort was insaying to myself, all right, well,
Speaker 2: I could just go across the street, because Midwoo High
Speaker 2: School is here, Brooklyn College is really across the street.
Speaker 2: I could just like stick around for a year and
Speaker 2: be in my comfort zone of being on Bedford Avenue
Speaker 2: and figuring things out for a year while I find
Speaker 2: a way within this discomfort to tell my family that
Speaker 2: I don't really want to be a pediatrician. I want
Speaker 2: to pursue communications. And if I did not stand in
Speaker 2: that at that age and say I have to let
Speaker 2: them know that this is not the route that I
Speaker 2: want for my life, who knows what more discomfort would
Speaker 2: have been on the other side of that had I
Speaker 2: not made the decision to say no, I'm going to
Speaker 2: take reins of my life, and just though it may
Speaker 2: cause them discomfort in this moment and me discomfort in
Speaker 2: the end, we're all going to be comfortable with Kadeen
Speaker 2: is living her dreams. So that was my earliest moment
Speaker 2: of that. But why do people shot away from change
Speaker 2: and discomfort? Because when I look at it, mediocrity dwells
Speaker 2: in comfort. Yes, you know, that's a space where you're okay,
Speaker 2: just being okay because you're accustomed to or you're used
Speaker 2: to it. And we see it with a lot of
Speaker 2: people in relationships. Oh, I've been with this person for
Speaker 2: X y Z amount of years, so it's comfortable here,
Speaker 2: even though I may not be happy, And you're willing
Speaker 2: to dwell within that mediocre situation and ultimately you are uncomfortable,
Speaker 2: but you're telling yourself that I'm comfortable because I'm used
Speaker 2: to it.
Speaker 3: I'm accustomed to this. Remember jobs everything.
Speaker 4: Remember in prototype, the one thing I should say to
Speaker 4: these kids all the time, comfort and complacency was the
Speaker 4: road most traveled to mediocrity. Think about it as a muscle.
Speaker 4: This is a scientific fact, ladies and gentlemen. In actual
Speaker 4: this is an actual scientific fact. If you want to
Speaker 4: see growth in any muscle, you know what you do
Speaker 4: with the muscle.
Speaker 3: Stretch it, push it, you.
Speaker 1: Make it well uncomfortable.
Speaker 4: Right, Growth in your muscles is uncomfortable, right, You have
Speaker 4: to break it down to this rarest form. You have
Speaker 4: to overwork it. You have to push it.
Speaker 3: You have to feed it.
Speaker 4: You have to feed you have to work it. There
Speaker 4: are things you have to do. You have to in
Speaker 4: order to see growth. Your life is no different. When
Speaker 4: you sit in comfort and you sit in complacency, you
Speaker 4: will be mediocre your mus and it's easy for you
Speaker 4: to It's easy to even find an analogy because you
Speaker 4: said it. Most of the time in life, we like
Speaker 4: condition our own minds with narratives that we hear from
Speaker 4: other people who are around us. So you was like, O, hey,
Speaker 4: everybody arouns me's doctor, medical profession. I'm telling myself that's
Speaker 4: what I want to do because that's what I see.
Speaker 4: So you spend your life telling yourself that, and it's
Speaker 4: comfortable because you've seen everybody do it.
Speaker 1: Here's another thing about comfort.
Speaker 4: It doesn't matter how much money you make in your
Speaker 4: comfort state, you will never be happy. I'll tell you
Speaker 4: right now. I never wanted to be a professional athlete.
Speaker 4: I wanted to be an entertainment I wanted to be
Speaker 4: a creator. I wanted to write, direct, produce, and act.
Speaker 4: I made it to the NFL. I was making a
Speaker 4: lot of money. I woke up every day like this,
Speaker 4: I practice. You've watched me going through it. And the
Speaker 4: reason why I say that is because when they say
Speaker 4: things like money don't find won't bring you happiness, that
Speaker 4: is a fact. I was making a lot of money
Speaker 4: doing what was comfortable because at that point I had
Speaker 4: just worked so hard at becoming a football player that
Speaker 4: being a football player was noisy.
Speaker 1: It was normal, what's the next step? NFL? I can
Speaker 1: do that.
Speaker 4: But then when it was time to leave and it
Speaker 4: was a choice to make, it was like, all right, now,
Speaker 4: not in college, no more, not in the NFL. There's
Speaker 4: no money coming in. I have to make an adjustment
Speaker 4: with my wife. And the adjustments didn't only come in occupation.
Speaker 4: It came in location. It also came in relationships because
Speaker 4: we went from being boyfriend and girlfriend to being fiances,
Speaker 4: and we were going to go from being fiance to
Speaker 4: being husband and wife. All of that change was happening
Speaker 4: at the exact same time you went from being a
Speaker 4: stay at home girlfriend to now having to get into
Speaker 4: the workforce. That was uncomfortable for you. So you and
Speaker 4: I both were going to the going through the most
Speaker 4: uncomfortable changes in our lives. At the same time, we
Speaker 4: leaned into each other. Yeah, we leaned into trusting God,
Speaker 4: trusting the process, and just believing that what you put
Speaker 4: out in the universe you will get back tenfold.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And that wasn't easy for us.
Speaker 2: I mean, we struggled through those changes because in that
Speaker 2: discomfort and in the change, there's also this feeling of bewilderment,
Speaker 2: right because you don't know what to expect, You don't
Speaker 2: know what's going to be different, you don't know how
Speaker 2: it's going to affect your life in the long run.
Speaker 2: And I feel like for us it happens every like,
Speaker 2: maybe like every five years or so. There's something that
Speaker 2: gets uncomfortable for either one of us or as the collective,
Speaker 2: and we just kind of know like, Okay, maybe something
Speaker 2: has seen its course, maybe it's time to pivot, maybe
Speaker 2: there's time to do something different. So I implore people
Speaker 2: to look at every aspect of their life and think
Speaker 2: about when something isn't working anymore, or you feel like
Speaker 2: you've given your all to a particular you know, relationship
Speaker 2: or situation, and then you feel like, damn in this season.
Speaker 2: I think this season's coming to an end. Sometimes you
Speaker 2: have to lean into that, you have to accept it,
Speaker 2: and you have to figure out how you're going to
Speaker 2: pivot and move. For me, I realize also a big
Speaker 2: catalyst for change or discomfort in my life are milestone birthdays.
Speaker 2: I don't know what it is about milestone birthdays, and
Speaker 2: it's almost like every five to ten year, those increments
Speaker 2: like the five and I can tell you what I
Speaker 2: think it is. I think for me, okay, yeah, for me,
Speaker 2: I know that it forces me to do a reflection
Speaker 2: on the previous years and how far I may have
Speaker 2: come in those five or ten years or the entire
Speaker 2: my entire life. So at forty, for example, feeling that
Speaker 2: discomfort all of my thirty ninth year because I felt like, man, okay,
Speaker 2: I'm about to be forty. Now, I feel like I
Speaker 2: have to really think about what the rest of my
Speaker 2: life is going to look like and how I'm going
Speaker 2: to map that out. What have I been doing in
Speaker 2: those past maybe four to five years that wasn't quite
Speaker 2: working or didn't bring me the results that I wanted.
Speaker 2: How can I now make adjustments in order to make
Speaker 2: my forties or to at least forty five better than
Speaker 2: from thirty five to forty. So that's the way I
Speaker 2: see it, and that's normally when I have a season
Speaker 2: of discomfort is for whatever reason around those mouths, I'm gonna.
Speaker 3: Tell you us go ahead and tell me.
Speaker 4: This is the reason why women are conditioned a lot
Speaker 4: like athletes. What do they tell athletes? Tim run it out,
Speaker 4: timing it out? As you get older, you won't be
Speaker 4: able to do this time round. As you get older,
Speaker 4: you won't be able to do that. And to be honest,
Speaker 4: they don't say that to men men who work in
Speaker 4: fields is enjoy the process, you know, saying you have time,
Speaker 4: get better, get better, you have time. But women, it's
Speaker 4: just like are you married by this time? Did you
Speaker 4: have kids by this time? And it's it's like, since
Speaker 4: we condition women from a young age that things have
Speaker 4: to happen because of the biological clock. I've noticed that
Speaker 4: women are really big on timetables. And there's a reason why.
Speaker 4: There's scientific facts that prove that women who are looking
Speaker 4: to have it's biology. Women who are looking to have
Speaker 4: families and do things have to get it done at
Speaker 4: a certain age in order to protect their health right.
Speaker 4: So part of the reason why you feel like that
Speaker 4: with milestone birthdays is because women are conditioned to always
Speaker 4: look at age, because athletes to the same way. They
Speaker 4: always tell you when you get to twenty five, now
Speaker 4: you old head. Athletes is an old head.
Speaker 3: That's the market for that field.
Speaker 1: When you get to thirty, you're ancient.
Speaker 4: Anything after thirty for most athletes is where you're downhill
Speaker 4: as far as your athletic performance is going to be.
Speaker 4: So you have to learn how to pivot to do
Speaker 4: things a little bit more less athletic. We see it
Speaker 4: with Tom Brady, We seen it with Lebron James and
Speaker 4: Steph Curry. Once they got past thirty. You've been in
Speaker 4: the league eight, nine, ten years, then it's like, well,
Speaker 4: what you're going to do now your athleticism is going
Speaker 4: even though Lebron's athleticism in the thirties was still at
Speaker 4: its peak.
Speaker 1: But I say all that to say this. You talked
Speaker 1: about pivoting.
Speaker 4: This is a little thing that I noticed about the
Speaker 4: world that I don't think a lot of people notice.
Speaker 4: You always have to be prepared to pivot because we
Speaker 4: live in a copycat society. If you find a way
Speaker 4: to make money or do something the world is watching,
Speaker 4: you're going to have hundreds of thousands of millionsic people
Speaker 4: then doing the same thing you do. So now there's
Speaker 4: less money to make. Now it's uncomfortable because I was
Speaker 4: doing this and now everyone's doing it. So you always
Speaker 4: have to be prepared to change and grow so that
Speaker 4: you can outlast the curve. That is the fact that
Speaker 4: you have to always outlast, and I've learned this in sports.
Speaker 4: I learned this in sports when I first got to
Speaker 4: HOSTRA we were one of the first This was two
Speaker 4: thousand and two. We were one of the first teams
Speaker 4: to run the four wide receiver set no huddle in college.
Speaker 4: Now every team runs it. Before that, teams are running
Speaker 4: the wishbone, the wing tea. Everybody was running a ball.
Speaker 4: Now they're passing. There's going to be an evolutionary change,
Speaker 4: and it's going to change again, but it's the same
Speaker 4: thing throughout life.
Speaker 1: Everyone's running to the medical profession.
Speaker 4: So if everybody's running that, there's less jobs because everyone's
Speaker 4: going there, there's a higher fight.
Speaker 1: Now they can pay people less money.
Speaker 4: It's like, thenk I did all of the stuff that
Speaker 4: my parents did, I'm not making anywhere there as money
Speaker 4: as they did. Same thing with real estate. When my
Speaker 4: parents got into real estate, you could buy a house
Speaker 4: for thirty forty thousand dollars back in the eighties, and
Speaker 4: so now it's like, oh, that generation made a ton
Speaker 4: of millionaires because they were able to do that. Now,
Speaker 4: if you're looking to buy a home, a two thousand
Speaker 4: square foot home in Canarsi, seven hundred thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: So it's like that.
Speaker 4: You can't stay the same and just listen to what
Speaker 4: you've been conditioned to by your parents to do what
Speaker 4: they did, because as the world changes, those things are
Speaker 4: not available anymore. You have to have a growth mindset
Speaker 4: if you want to continue to prosper and have upward mobility,
Speaker 4: because if you just do what everyone else do, then
Speaker 4: just be comfortable, you're going to be mediocre.
Speaker 1: And you know what, don't pay mediocrity, don't pay.
Speaker 2: It doesn't That was literally our mindset with our live shows. Yes,
Speaker 2: find different ways to you know, elevate the experience for y'all.
Speaker 2: So if you're at the live show this past, go round,
Speaker 2: Shout out to.
Speaker 1: Y'all, shout out to yeah time.
Speaker 2: Yes, all right, let's jump into some facts sin stats.
Speaker 2: Individuals who believe their talents can be developed through hard work,
Speaker 2: good strategies, and input from others have a growth mindset.
Speaker 2: So ask yourself do you have that? They tend to
Speaker 2: achieve more than those with a more fixed mindset, those
Speaker 2: who believe that their talents are innate gifts. Hard work
Speaker 2: beats talent when talent doesn't work hard.
Speaker 4: But you have to explain to people different between talents
Speaker 4: and gifts. Go ahead, tell the gifts are things that
Speaker 4: God has given you that can't be taken away.
Speaker 1: For example, you six ' eight right now.
Speaker 4: It don't matter how much stretching I do, I will
Speaker 4: never in my life be six eight.
Speaker 1: That's a gift. Right.
Speaker 4: Talent is a combination between a gift and a skill.
Speaker 4: For example, you six ' eight, but you can dribble
Speaker 4: with both hands, you can shoot. You've worked on your
Speaker 4: apploid metrics so you can jump high. That's a skill.
Speaker 4: You combine someone who's talented with a skill set, and
Speaker 4: now they've become gifted. There you go everyone is given
Speaker 4: a gift. God gives everyone a gift. It's your responsibility
Speaker 4: to find out what that gift is, nurture it, pair
Speaker 4: it with a skill, and then you know what you
Speaker 4: do with that gift. You share it with others.
Speaker 3: That is really good.
Speaker 1: That's how the coal to mine.
Speaker 2: You're a good people person, You're great with just people
Speaker 2: want to be around you. You have a great spirit,
Speaker 2: you have this vibrancy about it.
Speaker 3: And then you go.
Speaker 2: Ahead now and then you well I was speaking generally,
Speaker 2: but yes you do.
Speaker 1: Oh I thought you're talking about me.
Speaker 2: I was like, because you are actually an example of this.
Speaker 2: But you have something good to say. You speak life
Speaker 2: into people. So then we peer that now right with
Speaker 2: you then saying you know what, I went to school
Speaker 2: for communications. Now I can be a great motivational speaker
Speaker 2: or an oratory aratory just men toward people.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying on a voice addiction classes.
Speaker 3: That makes sense.
Speaker 2: Saring the gift, which is just your personality with the
Speaker 2: skill and then making it a little bit or making
Speaker 2: it something beneficial, or you become a niche market that
Speaker 2: people want to buy into.
Speaker 3: Right, So that's some good stuff.
Speaker 2: People with a growth mindset, they embrace challenges, they exercise less,
Speaker 2: or they experience less stress. Rather, people with growth mindsets
Speaker 2: approach challenges with enthusiasm and excitements. This allows them to
Speaker 2: transmute fear into motivation instead of letting fear manifest as stress.
Speaker 2: That's something I gotta work on personally because I know
Speaker 2: sometimes I'll be like, m this change is exciting the
Speaker 2: idea of it, but doing the work is like daunting.
Speaker 1: But fear is the ultimate motivation.
Speaker 4: Think about when I had to do the backflip and
Speaker 4: when you had to do the split right, you was
Speaker 4: afraid that something was going to and also embarrass yourself. Yes,
Speaker 4: for me, I was afraid I was gonna fall, bust
Speaker 4: my ship, and embarrass myself. But that fear motivated me
Speaker 4: to work on the skill set so that that doesn't happen.
Speaker 4: Rather than saying the fear is going to make me
Speaker 4: run away from it, It's like, hey, this can happen
Speaker 4: to it, right, I'm leaning into that. If I'm afraid
Speaker 4: of that, let me focus on training and ways. And
Speaker 4: this is one of the ways. Remember I said, what
Speaker 4: if I get out there and the floor slippery? What
Speaker 4: if I get down? I can't see. So since that
Speaker 4: was my fear, I went out here.
Speaker 3: Did it in any weather, when it was raining, when it.
Speaker 4: Was slippery on grass, when it was dry, when it
Speaker 4: was hot, when the sun was in the sky, in
Speaker 4: type spaces.
Speaker 1: So the fear motivated me. It was a challenge me.
Speaker 4: The fear motivated me to challenge myself to develop the
Speaker 4: skill set, so the skill set so that I don't
Speaker 4: have to worry about it when I actually have.
Speaker 1: To do it.
Speaker 2: Because life on life Murphy's law. Anything that can't go
Speaker 2: wrong with me wrong. So if you are prevered on
Speaker 2: any facet for anything, and again it was just repetition, repetition, assistency,
Speaker 2: hard work, you can be prepared for anything.
Speaker 4: And challenging yourself, finding the challenges in anything you do
Speaker 4: to challenge yourself to be greater. Like the backflip was
Speaker 4: just a precursor for me to develop that skill set
Speaker 4: to do it in front of a live audience. I
Speaker 4: wanted to be able to do it in front of
Speaker 4: a live audience so that if I ever have to
Speaker 4: perform anything physical in front of a studio, I know
Speaker 4: I've done this in front of a live audience. So
Speaker 4: there was always a plan for me. There was a
Speaker 4: plan to be able to do this in front of
Speaker 4: a live audience. So since I want to be an
Speaker 4: action an action actor who does his own stunts, I
Speaker 4: want to be able to say I can deliver this
Speaker 4: on time when thousands of people are watching.
Speaker 3: On on cue.
Speaker 2: I love that often learn new skills, So someone with
Speaker 2: a growth mindset often tries to learn new skills. When
Speaker 2: you see your weak spots as opportunities for learning, you're
Speaker 2: more able to seek out opportunities to foster that learning.
Speaker 2: Prime example, people with growth mindsets also are good at
Speaker 2: finding new opportunities even if your skills don't exactly line up.
Speaker 2: A growth mindset allows you to see what you can
Speaker 2: bring to the opportunity as well as what you can
Speaker 2: learn for it. So just putting your own little like
Speaker 2: raz as on it is always helpful. Having fostered resilience.
Speaker 2: So seeing failure as an opportunity to learn, and we
Speaker 2: talk so much it's an opportunity to learn and try again,
Speaker 2: and that's how we learn to be resilience.
Speaker 4: So first and foremost, there's no such thing as failure.
Speaker 4: The only failure that exists in life is when you quit.
Speaker 4: That's what I tell myself it again. There is no
Speaker 4: failures in life. The only failure happens is when you quit.
Speaker 4: Think about just think about science, right. You create a
Speaker 4: hypothesis right. Once you create a hypothesis, you then have
Speaker 4: to prove that your hypothesis is true. You prove your
Speaker 4: hypothesis is true by failing over and over and over
Speaker 4: and over again until you find out how to make
Speaker 4: it work. We've watched that in every aspect of life.
Speaker 4: That's the way things are done. Just failing is not
Speaker 4: a loss, it's a lesson because failure does not exist
Speaker 4: to me, I did that wrong? Why did I do
Speaker 4: it wrong? How can I correct it? To do it right?
Speaker 4: And an athlete help me develop that. You know when
Speaker 4: you miss a jump shot? You miss a jump shot.
Speaker 3: How do you correct?
Speaker 1: Was it too long? Was it too short? Right? Left?
Speaker 4: Catching a pass? Why did I catch it? When my
Speaker 4: fingers not close enough and my fingers not shown enough.
Speaker 4: Let me develop that. People have to start developing that
Speaker 4: mindset where failure does not exist because I'm not quitting.
Speaker 2: And that brings me to the next point that says,
Speaker 2: you have higher confidence people with growth mindset, But how
Speaker 2: do you develop that confidence. We've gotten that question before.
Speaker 2: I think someone even one of the live shows asked
Speaker 2: about like, how do you help with being confident in
Speaker 2: doing the things that you want to do well? You
Speaker 2: have to develop it somehow by being sure of yourself.
Speaker 2: And how are you sure of yourself by practicing from
Speaker 2: failure and repetition and working at it. So being able
Speaker 2: to approach challenges and learning opportunities with enthusiasm instead of
Speaker 2: pessimism keeps your self confidence intact. It actually makes you
Speaker 2: feel better about yourself when you know you have achieved
Speaker 2: something hard, Like everyone knows what that feels like. I
Speaker 2: hope when you really achieve something that you've been working at,
Speaker 2: you know absolutely there's a euphori in that, and then
Speaker 2: they are receptive to feedback. Good feedback is at the
Speaker 2: core of growth. So those who seek feedback from their mentors, collaborators, stakeholders,
Speaker 2: family friends, whoever has valued opinion.
Speaker 3: We're not talking about the comment section.
Speaker 2: We're not talking about people who've never tried to do
Speaker 2: the things that you're doing. People who actually know and
Speaker 2: can give you sound advice. You consider that, and you
Speaker 2: apply the feedback when necessary. You're able to then grow more.
Speaker 4: I think you made a valuable point there when you said,
Speaker 4: understanding who you're getting feedback from, that's the most important puge.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, Because if you don't trust
Speaker 4: the person you're getting feedback from, there's no reason to
Speaker 4: listen to them. You should only get feedback from people
Speaker 4: who you've built a relationship with. You value that they've
Speaker 4: already done what you're trying to do, or you've seen
Speaker 4: them have success in an arena that you're trying to
Speaker 4: have success in. There was something you said here about feedback.
Speaker 4: I've noticed this with people in general. It's easier to
Speaker 4: give constructive criticism to people who've been athletes or dancers
Speaker 4: or pageants, someone who's existed in a space of competitive
Speaker 4: nature through their early teenage to young adult years, because
Speaker 4: those are our years where we're are most impressionable, from
Speaker 4: like pre adolescents to your early early twenties. Say the
Speaker 4: onst a most insecure when you're your most insecure and
Speaker 4: you're most malleable and you found a way to let
Speaker 4: your ego go and to accept that someone else is
Speaker 4: looking to help you. This is why I believe in
Speaker 4: keeping our sons in sports or doing most playing in
Speaker 4: instruments because you have to learn to trust people. And
Speaker 4: I remember playing football and being an arrogant nineteen year
Speaker 4: old kid who just was just like I know I
Speaker 4: could do this because and the coach is telling me, like, no,
Speaker 4: you only went seven yards. I said, no, I got
Speaker 4: ten yards. Well, let's look at the videotape. Deval the
Speaker 4: eye in the sky, don't lie. And at nineteen years old,
Speaker 4: I saw my self believe. I believe that I was
Speaker 4: at ten yards. And when you watch yourself argue with
Speaker 4: someone that you went ten yards and then you watch
Speaker 4: yourself only go seven, it's like, coach, what'd you said
Speaker 4: I could do to help get to ten yards? Absolutely,
Speaker 4: and then you let that ego go and you start
Speaker 4: to watch yourself grow because you're listening to somebody.
Speaker 1: It's the most fulfilling thing in the world.
Speaker 2: It's actually something that we see now with our children,
Speaker 2: because even Jackson, like one of the questions here was
Speaker 2: how do we encourage our kids to orient more towards
Speaker 2: facing their challenges versus shying away from it. And Jackson,
Speaker 2: who dealt with a lot of performance anxiety with just
Speaker 2: even basketball because he was still new in learning in
Speaker 2: the game. He's come leaps and bounds in the past,
Speaker 2: well this first year to his second year, now his
Speaker 2: second year, going to his third year, because he is
Speaker 2: now getting comfortable with the things that he does not know. So,
Speaker 2: for example, when you had said to him recently, like,
Speaker 2: you know, where do you see areas of areas of
Speaker 2: improvement for me? And he has said mentioned something and
Speaker 2: you said, well when you go to practice that they
Speaker 2: tell koch Yo, I want to work on this because
Speaker 2: that's something that you're not as confident. So that's what
Speaker 2: we're trying to work on our boys early on in
Speaker 2: to just say, you know what, you're not going to
Speaker 2: be one hundred percent of everything all the time, but
Speaker 2: if you work towards it, you're going to be that
Speaker 2: much better as you progress.
Speaker 4: But it's also explaining to them that, like, for example,
Speaker 4: with Jackson, we talked about this with him last night.
Speaker 4: Literally he misses a shot, He misses one shot body
Speaker 4: language now and I'm just like, why do you do
Speaker 4: that when you miss a shot? I don't want to
Speaker 4: miss the problem with this generation is that they watch
Speaker 4: social media. You know what's on social media highlights everything
Speaker 4: they watch is the shot going in everything you watch,
Speaker 4: is Steph Curry or Kyrie Irvin is the shot going in?
Speaker 4: So you think that you have to make every shot.
Speaker 4: But look, let's look at the stats and the facts.
Speaker 4: Steph Curry is the greatest shooter of all time, and
Speaker 4: on average per season, he shoots anywhere between forty five
Speaker 4: and fifty percent from the field, which means Jackson, he
Speaker 4: misses more than he makes. Missus Jackson, I said, yeah,
Speaker 4: he misses more than he makes from three. He's known
Speaker 4: for the three ball. Right, he shoots at forty percent,
Speaker 4: which means he misses sixty percent of the time, Jackson,
Speaker 4: sixty percent of the time. I can show you a
Speaker 4: compilation of Steph Curry misses that will have you thinking,
Speaker 4: Steph Curry doesn't play well and he's just like I
Speaker 4: never thought about that. Stop looking at the highlights and
Speaker 4: thinking that that's reality that is affecting people's confidence, not
Speaker 4: only in sports, but in life. You're watching these couples,
Speaker 4: for example, you watch me and k we loving each other,
Speaker 4: We got matching clothes, we take nice pictures. That's less
Speaker 4: than one percent of what our actual life is. Less
Speaker 4: than one percent. I say it all the time. There's
Speaker 4: one four hundred and forty minutes in the day. If
Speaker 4: I post a video a day, it's only going to
Speaker 4: be one minute because reels have taken over. So you
Speaker 4: get one minute out of the fourteen hundred minutes. That's
Speaker 4: not my life. The other minutes that you don't get
Speaker 4: a chance to see is me working, me working so
Speaker 4: that you can see the backflip. Not that every time
Speaker 4: you see the backflip, I landed it, No, because I
Speaker 4: definitely bust my shit.
Speaker 1: Kay, definitely want to.
Speaker 2: Do the split, and I was like, I need a
Speaker 2: little icy hot, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: Don't look at highlights on social media and let that
Speaker 4: affect your confidence because you think like you got to
Speaker 4: be like that one hundred percent of the time. That
Speaker 4: will affect your confidence, and it will affect your growth
Speaker 4: mindset because now you're afraid to and I hate saying
Speaker 4: fail because fail it only happens when you quit.
Speaker 1: You're afraid to be, You're afraid to reach.
Speaker 4: A lesson, an obstacle, adversity, those things, you know, get
Speaker 4: people afraid right right right.
Speaker 2: So I hope this has helped people who I have
Speaker 2: a fixed mindset and kind of helped them leaning more
Speaker 2: into that growth mindset.
Speaker 3: I think we've touched on a lot of things that.
Speaker 2: Could be tips to help you kind of develop that
Speaker 2: growth mindset as well. And as we close out, as
Speaker 2: you're growing at a different pace from others around you,
Speaker 2: because I know sometimes we feel like we're just kind
Speaker 2: of in our own little space, growing and trying to
Speaker 2: figure out ways to always reinvent ourselves and do things differently.
Speaker 2: How do we move forward with grace for people who
Speaker 2: may not be And I'm saying you and I but
Speaker 2: just a general for your listeners. If you feel like, man,
Speaker 2: I'm trying to progress and I'm moving forward and I'm
Speaker 2: working at it, and I'm trying to get the people
Speaker 2: around me to rally around me or to rally around
Speaker 2: each other so we can all grow together. How do
Speaker 2: you feel or how do you give people grace that
Speaker 2: may not be on the same.
Speaker 4: Page, understanding that my page is not the only book
Speaker 4: that exists in the world, and if I want to
Speaker 4: change and continue to have a growth mindset, it also
Speaker 4: means sometimes that you have to leave people where they are.
Speaker 2: I was about to say, you know what I'm saying, like,
Speaker 2: sometimes they can't go where you're going.
Speaker 1: Right there.
Speaker 4: The feelings growth may come in a later time. That
Speaker 4: doesn't mean you're leaving them forever. It's just right now.
Speaker 4: I'm in a position where I think I need to
Speaker 4: go this way. You're rocking with me. You're not rocking
Speaker 4: with me. Cool, there's no love laws. Growth means I
Speaker 4: have to do what's in the best interests of myself,
Speaker 4: and so do you.
Speaker 1: So having empathy for people.
Speaker 4: Is understanding that your perspective on what they need to
Speaker 4: do with their life is only just your perspective. Let
Speaker 4: them have their conversation with God and the people in
Speaker 4: their circle and then figuring out on their own time.
Speaker 4: Because if you think about it, I came through it
Speaker 4: on my own time just because I realized it now,
Speaker 4: don't mean everybody else.
Speaker 1: I could be late to the party.
Speaker 4: There's people now who's probably where I was in this
Speaker 4: moment who I'm like, Oh, that's how Oh that's why
Speaker 4: we don't talk as much. You own something different, and
Speaker 4: now I finally caught up. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: Sometimes growth means you get left behind, not that you're
Speaker 4: always leaving someone.
Speaker 3: You don't see it.
Speaker 2: Everyone has a revelation at a different point, right but
Speaker 2: also too, you have to realize as you grow, as
Speaker 2: you elevate, everybody can go.
Speaker 3: With you all the time.
Speaker 2: And there's some people who may just get left behind
Speaker 2: because you know what, they're okay with a comfortable lifestyle.
Speaker 3: We know a lot of people who are just like
Speaker 3: I don't necessarily want more.
Speaker 2: I got my nine to five, my house, I got
Speaker 2: my kids, I got my wife, my husband, whatever, and
Speaker 2: they're comfortable being there. So we have to not judge
Speaker 2: people who are getting what they want out of their
Speaker 2: life and it may not align with what we want
Speaker 2: out of our life. It's not passing judgment, but just saying, hey,
Speaker 2: you cool. I'll meet you at a cross road at
Speaker 2: some point if we happen to intersect, and if we don't,
Speaker 2: it's all good.
Speaker 3: Don't love you any less.
Speaker 4: And we got to stop doing this. We got to
Speaker 4: step judging people who have grown and done other things.
Speaker 4: If you got left behind, if you got left behind
Speaker 4: because that person is onto something else or doing something else,
Speaker 4: learn to applaud them and say to yourself, whatever that
Speaker 4: person has gone through or seen to get them to
Speaker 4: that level, I just hope that God allows me to
Speaker 4: see that for myself.
Speaker 2: Or I hope that it's the feeling for them, though
Speaker 2: it may not be something that I necessarily aspire to,
Speaker 2: you know, so that you're not getting the comments like
Speaker 2: oh you big dog now, or the.
Speaker 4: Hollywood thing like you know, I feel you.
Speaker 3: That that those comments too are tired and washed.
Speaker 1: They are kind of shady. Yeah, I'm trying to be
Speaker 1: like you big player.
Speaker 2: You could have been if you worked hard at it
Speaker 2: or whatever it is that you wanted to work at.
Speaker 4: Or if they experienced the growth mindset. They still can't
Speaker 4: do it.
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
Speaker 4: Sometimes it's shady because those those words are rooted and
Speaker 4: you did something unsavory to get to where you you
Speaker 4: got to. You know, sometimes people don't realize that that's
Speaker 4: those were those things kind of imply yeah, you know,
Speaker 4: and it's simply hard work.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's hard work. It's all work from everybody, you know.
Speaker 2: So all right, y'all, let's take a quick break. Hopefully
Speaker 2: that was helpful to our listeners out there today. We're
Speaker 2: going to pay some bills and get back after these ads,
Speaker 2: so stick around. All right, now we're back. Let's jump
Speaker 2: into our listener letters today. All right, First and foremost,
Speaker 2: I just want to give you guys, your flowers for
Speaker 2: being the inspiration to so many, including my companion. I'm
Speaker 2: a comedian. I've been doing content for about three and
Speaker 2: a half years now. I've built my following to almost
Speaker 2: two million across three platforms, one point three million on Facebook,
Speaker 2: two seventy k on Instagram, and four fifty k on TikTok.
Speaker 2: That's awesome, right. I feel like it's been time for
Speaker 2: me to expand my talent and further expose myself to
Speaker 2: gain connections outside of my state and sort of at
Speaker 2: a standstill and don't know how to go about getting
Speaker 2: auditions and further exposing myself. Content creation is how I
Speaker 2: make money at the moment. Twenty twenty one was an
Speaker 2: amazing year financially, twenty twenty two I was demonetized and
Speaker 2: I had to drive uber and lift. This put a
Speaker 2: damper on my relationship. We have been on and off
Speaker 2: now for nine years. This year, I plan to ask
Speaker 2: her to marry me. I want the world for this
Speaker 2: woman and my family. I've put myself in that position
Speaker 2: to make it happen. I just don't know how to
Speaker 2: execute this next step with my career and making sure
Speaker 2: she's involved as well. My main goal is to get
Speaker 2: auditions and land a role. I have the following and engagement.
Speaker 2: I know this can be put to use, but I
Speaker 2: just need advice on how executing the next step will
Speaker 2: get to this blessing, auditions, etc. This is me asking
Speaker 2: for help me if needs help me. Thank you for
Speaker 2: being amazing and big inspirations to all of us couples
Speaker 2: out there and those preparing for love, God's gift to humanity.
Speaker 3: Thank you for that.
Speaker 4: That's what's saying so much.
Speaker 3: Thank you for that.
Speaker 4: This does sound very similar to what I went through
Speaker 4: as far as creating content in order to give myself
Speaker 4: opportunities for TV film. The truth of the matter is,
Speaker 4: even though I was creating content, I was still doing
Speaker 4: the work that an actor needs to do. I was
Speaker 4: still going on auditions. I did a lot of commercial work.
Speaker 4: I did off Broadway work. I did stage work. I
Speaker 4: went to Esper Studio and did a two year conservatory there.
Speaker 4: I did four years at Hofstra. I did speech communications,
Speaker 4: I did rhetoric studies.
Speaker 1: I did what else.
Speaker 4: I did voice and diction classes, performance. I took jobs
Speaker 4: because he talked about doing lyft and stuff. I took
Speaker 4: jobs at the substitute teachers that don't knock yourself, substitute
Speaker 4: teacher in studio. Analysts like I was willing to do
Speaker 4: anything in order to make money to provide on my family.
Speaker 1: I was a trainer for twelve years.
Speaker 4: I say all that to say this, being in the
Speaker 4: entertainment industry doesn't mean that you don't have to do
Speaker 4: the things outside of the entertainment industry to provide for
Speaker 4: your family.
Speaker 1: That's what I was willing to do.
Speaker 4: I was willing to I would have peeled oranges and
Speaker 4: sold them on the street if it mean I made
Speaker 4: a couple hundred dollars to pay for my kids' classes
Speaker 4: or my wife's whatever. And I think so often people
Speaker 4: believe that getting into acting needs you have to sacrifice
Speaker 4: everything and to just dive into acting and be a struggling,
Speaker 4: starving actor.
Speaker 1: You and I said, we never wanted to do that.
Speaker 4: I watched my wife go from being a stay at
Speaker 4: home wife to working in the mall, you know, for
Speaker 4: three years because we needed health insurance, you know. Then
Speaker 4: she started doing content creation and it was you know,
Speaker 4: it was good, it was lucrative. But we're still doing
Speaker 4: the work on the thespian side, and that's going to
Speaker 4: be my advice to you. My advice to you is,
Speaker 4: if you really want to get into being an actor,
Speaker 4: you can't shortcut your way by doing content creation. You
Speaker 4: still have to be a thestpian. You still have to
Speaker 4: go on auditions, you have to write your own projects.
Speaker 4: You still have to get in these rooms, meet with producers,
Speaker 4: and meet with casting directors in order to make sure
Speaker 4: that they know who you are. Just the following is
Speaker 4: not enough. The industry has shown putting an influencer in
Speaker 4: a movie is not going to make a movie hit
Speaker 4: because it's different when people get content for free and
Speaker 4: then they have to go pay to watch you create
Speaker 4: create content. You know, part of the reason why Kadeen
Speaker 4: and I did live shows was to not only showcase
Speaker 4: our other talents, but was to also see, like hm,
Speaker 4: how many of these people would.
Speaker 1: Support us if they had to pay to watch us.
Speaker 4: And that's how you get a gauge on whether you've
Speaker 4: developed a skill set enough to attract people's attention away
Speaker 4: from the cell phone. Because the cell phone was a shortcut.
Speaker 4: It's free content. Everybody watches it.
Speaker 1: It's free.
Speaker 4: So I would say, continue to build your resume, Continue
Speaker 4: to go on auditions, seek out an agent or a manager,
Speaker 4: but also do the work as a thespian. You know,
Speaker 4: that two year conservatory was a sacrifice. We had just
Speaker 4: had Jackson. I was still taking clients, Kadeen was still
Speaker 4: working at the time, and I had to go to
Speaker 4: the city three times a week for two years, like
Speaker 4: three times a week. I had to go there, had
Speaker 4: to do scene study with my partners. I had seen
Speaker 4: partners at the house, Kadeen walking in the freaking life room,
Speaker 4: and I got seen partners were going over studies and
Speaker 4: going to the city. Those are things people don't see.
Speaker 4: So it was never just I created something on Instagram
Speaker 4: and then ended up on Sisters and Zatima. That never happened.
Speaker 4: If you go back, I was on the Blacklist, I
Speaker 4: was on Blue Bloods. I was on Power Way before
Speaker 4: social media, which means I've been working at this TV
Speaker 4: thing for a.
Speaker 1: Couple of years time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I love that he kind of has like
Speaker 2: he has an idea of what he wants to do.
Speaker 2: He's been out with his woman for a while now,
Speaker 2: or yeah, his woman he says, okay, or her woman.
Speaker 3: Sorry didn't specify, But knowing that.
Speaker 2: You know having the support of a partner to do
Speaker 2: that with is also very amazing.
Speaker 3: So good luck to you.
Speaker 2: Yes, and onto our lastness and letter for.
Speaker 1: The day number two.
Speaker 4: As the coda comes in here and just flops on
Speaker 4: the floor because you know we work at home. What's up, buddy?
Speaker 1: You chilling?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: All right, go find your brothers, Go.
Speaker 1: Find her brothers. Go ahead, all right, be careful, hey,
Speaker 1: K and D.
Speaker 4: First and foremost, I would like to congratulate you guys
Speaker 4: in your success and beautiful family. I've been watch since
Speaker 4: way back, and I'm truly inspired by both of you
Speaker 4: and wish you nothing but the best of the best
Speaker 4: in your future endeavors. Thank you so much. My question
Speaker 4: for today is how do I stop myself from crying?
Speaker 4: My boyfriend twenty five and I twenty four have been
Speaker 4: together for almost two years now and have been living
Speaker 4: together for less than one year. We met online, met up,
Speaker 4: and then the rest was history. Through our relationship we
Speaker 4: have established and that communication that oh I know where
Speaker 4: she's going.
Speaker 1: That communication and comprehension is key.
Speaker 4: So whenever we have an issue, we do our best
Speaker 4: to communicate with each other and figure out how to
Speaker 4: move forward. I'm very big on not going to bed
Speaker 4: upset after each other with each other, and although following
Speaker 4: that is not as easy for him, he tries his
Speaker 4: best to keep that thing okay, keep that a thing.
Speaker 4: We normally are able to have a conversation about our
Speaker 4: problems without having high emotions effect affected. However, recently I
Speaker 4: can't stop myself from crying, Kadean when we do try
Speaker 4: to talk it out.
Speaker 1: This is what you're going to have to answer this question.
Speaker 4: He feels that I'm trying to manipulate and overthrow how
Speaker 4: he feels when this happens. But I really, in reality,
Speaker 4: I cried because I'm so mad at myself. Go ahead, baby,
Speaker 4: literally mean that I have disappointed the person I love.
Speaker 4: I try to bottle it up at times, and it
Speaker 4: just comes out.
Speaker 1: Baby.
Speaker 4: I know I feel recently that I just can't do
Speaker 4: anything right, and I hate disappointing the people I love.
Speaker 4: Go ahead, baby, answers, I wish any advice.
Speaker 3: I wish I had advice.
Speaker 2: I still be doing the same shit, and I sometimes
Speaker 2: at this point try to shy away from conversations because
Speaker 2: I know I feel exactly how you feel.
Speaker 3: It's like damn, like, how could.
Speaker 2: I have been so stupid to do this thing to
Speaker 2: disappoint the one person who's doing everything to make sure
Speaker 2: I have everything in life, and I can't help, but
Speaker 2: just want to. I don't want to say that I
Speaker 2: can't help, but at that point just want to just
Speaker 2: kick myself because I'm just like, how can I have
Speaker 2: disappointed this person? I really had to work on and
Speaker 2: I still continue to work on this, and it's really
Speaker 2: trying to make sure that I contain my emotions. Sometimes
Speaker 2: I have to gather myself before I then go to
Speaker 2: speak with Deval about something because I don't ever want
Speaker 2: it to feel like it's a manipulation tactic or that
Speaker 2: I'm crying for sympathy or emotions. And Devou has said
Speaker 2: to this point like he's like, I don't even care
Speaker 2: if you cry anymore because I'm so like over the
Speaker 2: crying thing that it doesn't.
Speaker 3: Move me either way.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And if I were trying to manipulate the situation
Speaker 2: with crying, then it would be easy for me to stop. Now.
Speaker 4: No, yeah, I don't. That's part of me saying I
Speaker 4: don't care anymore because I understand where you are, Like,
Speaker 4: canne go ahead and cry and let it out but let's.
Speaker 2: Talk about this, right, So sometimes I have to remove
Speaker 2: myself and devout some and DEVELOP was taking that at
Speaker 2: one point as me just trying to abandon or jump
Speaker 2: ship on the conversation, and I'm just like, I just
Speaker 2: need a minute or two to just get it out,
Speaker 2: because as much as I try to be the sagittarian
Speaker 2: thug that I think I am, I'm not, particularly when
Speaker 2: I know that this is somebody who I am married to,
Speaker 2: I'm committed to, he's committed to me, and he's doing
Speaker 2: all the things necessary and then some to make sure
Speaker 2: that I'm okay, when ultimately I want to make sure
Speaker 2: he's okay too. But the emotion of it all and
Speaker 2: the disappointment in myself takes over. So I would say
Speaker 2: to you, take some time sometimes when you're having these conversations.
Speaker 2: You know you don't want to go to bed upset,
Speaker 2: you know you want to have the conversation. Just say, babe,
Speaker 2: give me a second, go to the bathroom, let it out,
Speaker 2: do whatever it is you need to do, and then
Speaker 2: come back when you're gathered, so that way you can
Speaker 2: have a conversation with him. That's a sound mine eliminating
Speaker 2: some of the emotion from it, but you do also
Speaker 2: want it to be genuine because sometimes now when I
Speaker 2: don't cry or I sound like I'm being too rigid
Speaker 2: with my delivery, Deval feels like I don't care. So
Speaker 2: you're trying to have to find the line between showing
Speaker 2: empathy and care for your partner, but also making sure
Speaker 2: that your sound in what you're saying and you're in
Speaker 2: a space where you're not judged, you're not clouded by
Speaker 2: the emotion of it all. How does it feel being
Speaker 2: received on your end? Do you think that it's a
Speaker 2: manipulation or do you think.
Speaker 1: That it's No, I don't think.
Speaker 4: In the beginning, I was just like always going to
Speaker 4: cry because she knows once she starts crying, and once
Speaker 4: Kadeen starts crying for me, my world's done.
Speaker 1: I could be mad at something she starts crying.
Speaker 4: Used to be used to be the minute she started crying,
Speaker 4: I grab her and I'll just be like, come on,
Speaker 4: wee can't like no, whatever it is, will fix it,
Speaker 4: I'll fix it.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
Speaker 4: And then after a while I started to feel like
Speaker 4: I always do that, and I let her off the
Speaker 4: hook because now she's like, oh, Davalo said, he's fine.
Speaker 1: So I continue doing what I want.
Speaker 3: And you're not really fine.
Speaker 1: No, I'm not fine.
Speaker 4: What I've learned is, and what I've tried to tell
Speaker 4: Kadeen so many times is even if it's one hour
Speaker 4: every week, one hour every week, Kadeen will say, if
Speaker 4: I come to say, can we talk about some things
Speaker 4: I think need to be corrected, the first thing Kadean
Speaker 4: would say is that we always having a talk. Just
Speaker 4: think of the mathematics. One hour a week, there's twenty
Speaker 4: four hours in the day. There's seven days in a week,
Speaker 4: so that's about what one and one hundred and sixty
Speaker 4: one hundred and sixty eight hours in a week. If
Speaker 4: I want to talk about what we can change for
Speaker 4: one hour, that's less than one percent. But the first
Speaker 4: thing that you think of is I can't do anything.
Speaker 2: Right because it's logical standpoint, practical versus emotion.
Speaker 4: So for one hundred and sixty seven hours out of
Speaker 4: the week, I praise you how much I love you.
Speaker 4: The fact that I want to talk about it doesn't
Speaker 4: mean that none of that stuff is still true. Oh yes,
Speaker 4: it's just like, let's talk about it for hours.
Speaker 2: I'm out the window, and anything that's going right in
Speaker 2: that week is completely gone.
Speaker 4: But that also talks about what we talked about here,
Speaker 4: the change mindset. In order for you to have a
Speaker 4: change growth mindset, you have to be willing to take criticism,
Speaker 4: especially from the person you love the most, because you're
Speaker 4: supposed to do life together. You can't have a growth mindset.
Speaker 4: In the minute he or she wants to talk about
Speaker 4: something that's affecting them, you think everything you've done is wrong.
Speaker 4: That's a quit and failure mindset. True, so it means
Speaker 4: everything has to be perfect your way or it's not good.
Speaker 4: And the minute you can start to get to the
Speaker 4: point where you realize, okay, he wants to discuss something
Speaker 4: that's in this moment that's affecting him, that doesn't negate
Speaker 4: all of the other great moments we have, you'll be
Speaker 4: able to accept criticism. Because athletes go through that too.
Speaker 4: When you first get the college and they always correcting
Speaker 4: you right, you think I can do nothing right, but
Speaker 4: then you realize, dang, that coach at avoid me and
Speaker 4: told me good jobs so many other times. And human nature,
Speaker 4: when someone tell you good job, you kind of let
Speaker 4: all the thanks.
Speaker 1: Yeah, But then when.
Speaker 4: Someone tell you need to fix that the world comes
Speaker 4: crumbling down.
Speaker 3: It's true.
Speaker 2: Even think about, like, for example, the comments section, all
Speaker 2: these praises positivity, we love you, we love you, and
Speaker 2: then somebody makes one negative comment, whether it's a troll
Speaker 2: or not, and it's just like, damn you harp on
Speaker 2: that one negative thing, you know, So that's a good
Speaker 2: I think that's a good way of putting.
Speaker 3: It as well.
Speaker 1: Have a growth mindset.
Speaker 2: I have a growth mindset when it comes to the
Speaker 2: relationship as well. And it's just no baby, gifts and talents,
Speaker 2: put them together because I know what my gifts and
Speaker 2: talents are, darling, and that usually fixes things at the
Speaker 2: very end.
Speaker 1: Anyway, definitely leaning. I ain't gonna lie about it that.
Speaker 3: No, but we're not using that.
Speaker 4: Either, just to don't manipulate, don't in sense to just
Speaker 4: you know, get enjoyment and discussingcause after a while he
Speaker 4: gonna take the couchatcha.
Speaker 2: And still be mad, and still be mad, and then
Speaker 2: what because.
Speaker 1: Now you're talking but now nuts and so like I was.
Speaker 2: Saying, oh my god, that would drive me insane. I'm
Speaker 2: sleep I'm sleeping, all right. If you want to be
Speaker 2: featured as one of our listener letters. Email us at
Speaker 2: dead assadvice at gmail dot com.
Speaker 4: That's d E A D A S S A d
Speaker 4: V I C E at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3: All right, moment of truth time.
Speaker 2: We're talking growth mindset versus fixed mindset discomfort when it
Speaker 2: comes to change.
Speaker 3: What you got for them today, baby.
Speaker 4: Mine, mine is very very easy. Learn to be comfortable
Speaker 4: being uncomfortable. And once you can find comfort and uncomfortability,
Speaker 4: you'll always grow because you'll learn how to adapt and
Speaker 4: pivot and you'll never get stuck just being complacent.
Speaker 3: That's a good one.
Speaker 2: I think my moment of truth is uh, Mediocrity dwells
Speaker 2: in the arms of comfort. So if you aspire to
Speaker 2: do more, to be more, to have more, to be
Speaker 2: your best self, you have to get ready for change
Speaker 2: that comes with this comfort. And like this said Devao said,
Speaker 2: pushing past that there's always breakthrough on the other side.
Speaker 2: So Hire is waiting, y'all, Hire is waiting.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 2: Be sure if you have not yet to join us
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