Speaker 1: Oh, good morning, Good morning everyone. Well it's not really morning.
Speaker 1: Who knows when people are listening to this, but some
Speaker 1: of them are probably listening in the morning, So good
Speaker 1: morning to you guys, good afternoons to the people that
Speaker 1: listen in the afternoon. And if you're listening to a
Speaker 1: podcast at night, well then a good evening, Brandon. There
Speaker 1: has been a lot in the news and it's very upsetting.
Speaker 1: Chicari Richardson was tested for cannabis at the trials for
Speaker 1: the Olympics after she won or before she won, who knows,
Speaker 1: And now she is not going to perform her relay
Speaker 1: at the Olympics or compete in her relay at the Olympics.
Speaker 1: So this is another sports organization that is completely antiquated
Speaker 1: and not up to fucking speed and needs an update,
Speaker 1: along with the World Tennis Association whatever the Tennis Association
Speaker 1: is for Europe, European Tennis, all of it between Naomi Osaka,
Speaker 1: between this two different things but actually not. It's all
Speaker 1: about helping yourself cope with something. And this woman's mother died.
Speaker 1: Chicari Richardson's mother died, and she was using cannabis to
Speaker 1: help herself and ameliorate her pain and now is not
Speaker 1: going to be able to compete in the Tokyo Olympics
Speaker 1: because of that. So you can drink alcohol, but you
Speaker 1: can't smoke something that grows out of the ground from
Speaker 1: mother Earth because that is punishable by being eliminated from
Speaker 1: the Olympics. So sports needs a big update, a real update.
Speaker 1: And I don't know if anyone saw me on the
Speaker 1: shop on HBO, but I was around a bunch of
Speaker 1: sports figures for the first time in my life, and
Speaker 1: it was so that was Tom Brady was there and
Speaker 1: Draymond Green, who I've loved he and I, Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: my kind of guy. And now I feel like I
Speaker 1: do know a lot about sports, so I'm gonna start
Speaker 1: commenting on it because of that experience. I spent at
Speaker 1: least two hours with those guys, and I don't think
Speaker 1: there's anything I couldn't answer now about basketball, football. Majong
Speaker 1: Also Britney Spears. Britney Spears is father. It's still her
Speaker 1: conservator because a judge denied Britney spears request to not
Speaker 1: have her father be a conservator. So there's that. How
Speaker 1: do you feel about that, Brandon, Well, I think that
Speaker 1: that is laired. From my understanding, Laird Hamilton's Laird Hamilton's
Speaker 1: he's in control, he's in the new co conservator. The
Speaker 1: paperwork that was filed in November was to remove Jamie
Speaker 1: as her conservator. Jamie's her dad, right, and so it
Speaker 1: was that paperwork that was actually just recently ruled on.
Speaker 1: So her attorney has not yet filed to have the
Speaker 1: conservatorship completely dismantled, from my understanding, So a lot of this,
Speaker 1: like the paperwork gets filed and then it takes X
Speaker 1: amount of time for the judge to their approver deny it.
Speaker 1: So it was the last admission to have Jamie removed
Speaker 1: that was denied. So now they have to refile to
Speaker 1: take her out of the conservatorship like an appeal situation.
Speaker 1: From my understanding, Well, that's well, that's his judgment was
Speaker 1: that she's denied, so she has to appeal that denial.
Speaker 1: But that's not very hopeful. I mean, it's the same
Speaker 1: judge unless she goes to an above court, all right,
Speaker 1: maybe she'll go to a different circuit or whatever it is.
Speaker 1: I saw that she was also recently invited by Congress
Speaker 1: to give her testimonial and experience with the conservator program
Speaker 1: in California. Well that should be something, But doesn't her
Speaker 1: father have to fucking let her go to Washington, d C.
Speaker 1: To testify in front of Congress And is he going
Speaker 1: to allow that? Well, there apparently there are two different
Speaker 1: types of conservators over Brittany. There's the conservator over her
Speaker 1: person and a conservator over her state. Jamie, her father
Speaker 1: is apparently the conservator over her state, so all of
Speaker 1: her money matters go through him. Over her as a
Speaker 1: person is Jody Montgomery, who is an outside conservator who
Speaker 1: is supposed to be in place really as Brittain is advocate.
Speaker 1: So the fact that she said in her testimony that
Speaker 1: she can't get married or take out her I U D.
Speaker 1: Means there's either a disconnecting communication or people aren't being
Speaker 1: truthful with the type of control they have over her.
Speaker 1: There are a lot of aspects to this, so I
Speaker 1: think it's gonna be a few months before we see
Speaker 1: how her recent testimony plays out. Two pretty well. Three,
Speaker 1: Bill Cosby's out of jail. That's another disgusting development on
Speaker 1: a technicality. So while they don't dispute that he's guilty
Speaker 1: of what he did, because of a technicality, he was
Speaker 1: let out of jail. So that's the state of affairs
Speaker 1: in this country, you guys, Well not this country, because
Speaker 1: IOC is an international committee. But that's the state of
Speaker 1: the world right now. Well, and now this delta strain
Speaker 1: and the delta strain, But back to these three stories
Speaker 1: are all examples of white men making the rules and
Speaker 1: deciding what's best in the interest of women. What are
Speaker 1: we talking about today's sweetheart, What are we talking about today?
Speaker 1: Let me look, Well, this is an interesting story. I
Speaker 1: think we have two lipstick lesbians and they're trying to
Speaker 1: figure out who proposes to who is it who or whom?
Speaker 1: Who proposes to whom? And I don't I don't know
Speaker 1: in that situation. No, nor do I. I always wonder
Speaker 1: about that. I guess whoever is the dominant in the
Speaker 1: relationship or well, because they're sexually dominant and then there's
Speaker 1: emotionally dominant. Right yeah, Okay, what else are we talking about?
Speaker 1: We have a exmission that we get from a lot
Speaker 1: of people just feeling lost in life. We're gonna find you.
Speaker 1: We You're found. Consider forget hashtag problem solved, hashtag You're found,
Speaker 1: and tattoo removal. You don't have any tattoos right, not
Speaker 1: that I'm aware of, but I do have something sticking
Speaker 1: to my butt. I went out with Joe Koy the
Speaker 1: other night and we got we got very very silly
Speaker 1: and wasted, and he I came home and I had
Speaker 1: a big stick or stuck to my ass, And every
Speaker 1: time I go in the shower or a a little bit
Speaker 1: more comes off. But I don't know where it came from,
Speaker 1: who put it there, or how long it's gonna last apparent,
Speaker 1: or how long it's going to be there. So I
Speaker 1: may have a tattoo. Who knows. Joe Koy is my
Speaker 1: friend from Chelsea Lately. He used to be a comedian
Speaker 1: that was on the round table all the time for
Speaker 1: Chelsea Lately. And I called him and I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I want to go over to his
Speaker 1: house because I wanted to see. He's building his house
Speaker 1: and I'm building something. So I thought, oh, let me
Speaker 1: see what he's doing. And then I got there. While
Speaker 1: I was driving there, I asked him for the address.
Speaker 1: He said, please don't come, Please don't come. I don't
Speaker 1: want you to see my house like this, and I
Speaker 1: was like, shut up. I said, give me the address.
Speaker 1: So I got in the car and I started driving
Speaker 1: to his house and like, you know, ten twenty minutes in,
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is where am I going to the valley?
Speaker 1: And then I looked at the address and I was
Speaker 1: still seventeen minutes away, and I just couldn't do it.
Speaker 1: So I turned around and I texted him and I said,
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not coming. It's too far. And then
Speaker 1: he came over to me. Then we went to Katsuya
Speaker 1: and we had six grapefruit martinis together, so I mean,
Speaker 1: that was ridiculous. And then we went to harv Els
Speaker 1: where there was a jazz club. Well, there is a
Speaker 1: jazz club. It's called her Bells in Santa Monica. For
Speaker 1: anybody ever looking for a cool place to go, that's it.
Speaker 1: Then he got home and I was like, Joe, I
Speaker 1: don't have my purse. I left it at her Bells.
Speaker 1: So he goes, get out of the car, you are
Speaker 1: such a mess, and set me up to my room
Speaker 1: and did you retrieve your purse? No? I never turned out.
Speaker 1: I never even brought a purse out that night because
Speaker 1: I had forgotten to take a purse. So he went
Speaker 1: back to her Bells looking for my purse. I went
Speaker 1: inside was fast asleep while he was pounding on my
Speaker 1: door for about forty five minutes worried that I didn't
Speaker 1: have my purse. So this friendship is very uneven and
Speaker 1: I have to start being a little bit more reciprocal
Speaker 1: in my He is just too sweet and too nice
Speaker 1: and I am a cunt. Well, you can go look
Speaker 1: for his purse next time. Yeah, I'm sick. Uh. I
Speaker 1: am suffering from a neck injury, sweetheart, because I got yesterday.
Speaker 1: I went to that doctor girl, the girl Vanessa. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and she took my blood out and then spun it
Speaker 1: and then reinjected it all through my neck with syringes
Speaker 1: and this thing called a stamper. I was pretty numb.
Speaker 1: I did that to my face once. Yeah, it was
Speaker 1: pretty I think it's going to have some good results.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to see it. I know it's like
Speaker 1: a it's like having a next strength inner. Well, I
Speaker 1: can't tell that you had anything done, so yeah, I'm surprised.
Speaker 1: I'm not more bruised. I bruised very easily on the face,
Speaker 1: so it's very hard. Am No. I just take et
Speaker 1: cetera a lot. Speaking of which we're having all of
Speaker 1: your levels tested, So thank you. This is a reminder
Speaker 1: for everyone listening to also do your annual physical. Yes
Speaker 1: for a breast cancer Awareness month? Is a breastcancer awareness month?
Speaker 1: Is it? I don't think so. Let me look when
Speaker 1: breast cancer Awareness Month is so we're all in the know.
Speaker 1: It sounds like a February month to me. That's the
Speaker 1: month of my birth. Sholace a bet on it no
Speaker 1: breast cancer Awareness month. Don't you like when you google
Speaker 1: something and there's a very question that you ask has
Speaker 1: no answer. It's like, what the fund did I just google?
Speaker 1: I feel like every time I google something, I get
Speaker 1: less information. October Okay, I was surprising. I was wrong.
Speaker 1: It wasn't February. Okay, Well it's good to know. I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: Breast Cancer Awareness Month is probably a very important month
Speaker 1: to know about, so my apologies. Well we'll circle back
Speaker 1: on that, especially with my breasts and your mother. I know,
Speaker 1: yeah her too, God rest her soul. I would have
Speaker 1: loved to meet Rita. My mom was really sweet. She
Speaker 1: was so cute, so snuggly. All of your family is
Speaker 1: kind of like that, though snuggly. They're all very like
Speaker 1: endearing in their own ways they all have a personality,
Speaker 1: and with dear childhood, imagine that everyone was kind of
Speaker 1: forced to create a personality. I would think so. But
Speaker 1: I like when I meet people and their families and
Speaker 1: you find out, like all the little dynamics between siblings
Speaker 1: and moms and their daughters, because some moms are totally
Speaker 1: fucked up, right, you know, and they're weird around their
Speaker 1: daughters and like jealous or they want to like live
Speaker 1: vicariously through them. Jealous moms and daughters like that is
Speaker 1: so it's so fucked up to have to grow up that.
Speaker 1: But that's another example of you loving to see the
Speaker 1: interpersonal relationships and workings and dynamics. Because I remember when
Speaker 1: I had first started, you had said that you were
Speaker 1: going with a friend to meet their parents or say,
Speaker 1: at their family's house in Oakland, and I was very
Speaker 1: surprised by that, thinking, oh, she's going to hate that,
Speaker 1: but you came back and you loved it, like, oh no, no,
Speaker 1: It's so interesting to see like how these interactions go
Speaker 1: between you know, one of your friends and their families
Speaker 1: who you've never met, and you've done this now with
Speaker 1: some of your local girlfriends and their moms and now
Speaker 1: you're close to their moms. You did it when you're
Speaker 1: up in Canada, because I don't have one, so obviously
Speaker 1: I'm into moms and I have an aunt. It should
Speaker 1: be acting like my mother, but she can't because she's
Speaker 1: such a bit like whatever I am times a hundred
Speaker 1: is what my aunt is. And so she loves me,
Speaker 1: but she doesn't like me, your aunt Cabby. She she
Speaker 1: lives locally. She's an interesting personality. I wouldn't use the
Speaker 1: word bitch, well what would be the word she? If
Speaker 1: I say her solitude? If I text her and say
Speaker 1: are you home, she will lie because she does not
Speaker 1: want me to come over, and she'll say, no, I'm
Speaker 1: not I'm sleeping. And that's how I know she'll she's
Speaker 1: there and to go anyway. But like she doesn't want
Speaker 1: anything to do with me. She I like to spring
Speaker 1: my appearance by her, like I just like to show
Speaker 1: up unannounced, so she's forced to see that's what the
Speaker 1: move is. And yeah, and so she hated COVID because
Speaker 1: she didn't get to see all the grandkids in the
Speaker 1: regular cycle that she normally does. But she liked it
Speaker 1: because she doesn't want to be socializing anyway. And she
Speaker 1: wants an excuse to have to stay away from people.
Speaker 1: We both have a Gabby and I. We both have
Speaker 1: a love of crafting and of baking, and so that's
Speaker 1: a commonality that we have. So we'll text about that occasionally,
Speaker 1: like this two story Joanne's fabrics at the craft store
Speaker 1: if you weren't aware, just opened up and we did
Speaker 1: a text exchange about that for a couple of days,
Speaker 1: which was so nice. Yeah, she's into crafting. I mean
Speaker 1: I don't even yeah, I mean crafting. Actually, when I
Speaker 1: went to Thanksgiving this year, I think it was was
Speaker 1: a Thanksgiving when I went up to that rate cabin
Speaker 1: that that was a couple of years ago, you know,
Speaker 1: with Molly and the family, It wasn't a couple of
Speaker 1: years ago. Was with my sisters, just like on the
Speaker 1: lake that you had to come. You've had two bad
Speaker 1: Thanksgiving experiences, right. That's why I don't mingle with that
Speaker 1: family over the holidays, because they seemed to like do
Speaker 1: it one step under what I'm comfortable with. They want
Speaker 1: to do it like the Pilgrims, and they love camping
Speaker 1: like they love to camp. And I'm not going to
Speaker 1: pretend I want to camp or try to camp. I tried,
Speaker 1: it's not a good fit. We're not signing you up
Speaker 1: for so there's no reason to make anybody suffer with
Speaker 1: me or go camping with people and had them be
Speaker 1: exposed to my lack of camping ability. The last time
Speaker 1: we went up there, whatever holiday was my sisters and
Speaker 1: I went or Simone and Seneca and Jordan's and I
Speaker 1: went up and we stayed in that little that cement.
Speaker 1: I told you that it was like a little cell block.
Speaker 1: And so the first night I was like, Simone is like,
Speaker 1: do you think you're going to make it? And I
Speaker 1: was like, of course, I can sleep. And you were
Speaker 1: supposed to be there for four days. I think like
Speaker 1: we had packed you up, You're ready to go, and
Speaker 1: you were excited to go to I was excited. Yeah,
Speaker 1: when Brandon packs me up, especially when I bring the dogs,
Speaker 1: it's exciting because then I feel like I'm a parent.
Speaker 1: And you love. Something people may not know is you
Speaker 1: love to drive, like around town, you'd like to drive yourself,
Speaker 1: and you also like to drive on a road trip.
Speaker 1: Well that's new. I like to drive on road trips new.
Speaker 1: But when I went up to this this event, which
Speaker 1: I'm convinced. With Thanksgiving, my sister and I slept in
Speaker 1: the same bed, and that's also hard to do because
Speaker 1: she stores and she has sleeping issues. But now, I mean,
Speaker 1: I just have to hit her and she says and
Speaker 1: she stops, but you know, why do I want to
Speaker 1: even deal with that? So then the second night, I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't know if I can make it
Speaker 1: the second night. And then I was like, come on,
Speaker 1: you can't be like that, Like you've got to be
Speaker 1: able to sleep in this for two nights, you know.
Speaker 1: And then I made it the second night, but I
Speaker 1: woke up with like six of the morning packs of
Speaker 1: the car and was out like suddenly you're home. I'm like,
Speaker 1: what the funk are you doing here? This is not
Speaker 1: on the agenda. You're yeah, it was, but they knew.
Speaker 1: You know, what's great about family is that they know
Speaker 1: who you're dealing with, so you don't ever have to
Speaker 1: like pretend like, oh no, I'm I like it here.
Speaker 1: I like sleeping block, I love it. I can just
Speaker 1: be like, no, Gabby, it's terrible. I don't want to
Speaker 1: spend another night here. And they're all happy when I leave.
Speaker 1: Anybody probably I know that's kind of the expectation with
Speaker 1: my family as they they'll know because I'm so particular
Speaker 1: about basically everything, but for them as well, like I
Speaker 1: want everything to be set up a certain way for them,
Speaker 1: and like how I would conduct myself on their behalf,
Speaker 1: so that way, when I go to their homes, they're
Speaker 1: always on high alert, like what what is going to
Speaker 1: make him comfortable? What do we need to do? But
Speaker 1: I feel like that's a nice way to operate for people,
Speaker 1: Like I don't want it to be stressful, but they'll know.
Speaker 1: I'll go get a hotel if I'm not going to
Speaker 1: be comfortable there. I don't want to pretend right right, right,
Speaker 1: right right and be like, oh this is O. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm fine using a bathroom that doesn't have any toilet paper.
Speaker 1: That's something you do in your early twenties. That's like
Speaker 1: people a guy specifically where they go on these trips
Speaker 1: to Palm Springs and it's you know, a five or
Speaker 1: six bedroom house and they will have twenty fucking people
Speaker 1: staying there. Because the guys that go to Palm Springs,
Speaker 1: nothing is worse to me than Palm Springs, the desert,
Speaker 1: Like we need to get hotter than what it already
Speaker 1: is here. It's fucking hot already, and it's dry. I
Speaker 1: don't understand the appeal of going to don't sign me
Speaker 1: up for palm Springs and we're not going to sign
Speaker 1: you up for camping. Excuse me, I have to clear
Speaker 1: my throat because I've I've probably smoked too much pot recently.
Speaker 1: You smoked a joint on the way here, as a
Speaker 1: matter of fact, Well that's what I'm talking about. And
Speaker 1: you're wearing a cream jumpsuit and you asked all over yourself. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was a hot mess on the way in this morning. Actually.
Speaker 1: But it's so fun to be able to go to
Speaker 1: work together, sweetheart, because we have just one more activity
Speaker 1: that we did sometimes after we take this podcast, we
Speaker 1: go rollerblading. Our schedule, yes, has really fallen into place.
Speaker 1: So it's like we're a couple that works together, that's
Speaker 1: home together because you come in the mornings and then
Speaker 1: goes to work together. It's just like Dr Phil and
Speaker 1: his wife. So we've been doing the podcast and then
Speaker 1: going rollerblading, and we're trying to see how far we
Speaker 1: can go. We're so we're starting in Santa Monica. We
Speaker 1: want to get down to like Manhattan Beach, so we're
Speaker 1: pacing ourselves and then we will circle back and we'll
Speaker 1: go to Blue Plate Taco or Blue Plate Oysterette and
Speaker 1: have a little lunch and margarita, have a couple of margarita's.
Speaker 1: It's really the best way to work. I mean it's great.
Speaker 1: I love a juice boost, you know, like eleven thirty,
Speaker 1: just a margarita, just to like kick things up a
Speaker 1: little bit so that you have a little bit more
Speaker 1: interest in the next three hours. Well, and it also
Speaker 1: that is when your creative juices get flowing, once you
Speaker 1: get through your first margarita, because we've also been working,
Speaker 1: You've been working on your stand up notes. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: doing a lot of stand up dates, so you have
Speaker 1: to look for those. And that's when you really get going,
Speaker 1: is after that first margarita sets in, the second one
Speaker 1: has been delivered, and yeah, I like a to margarita lunch.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm into, especially when they can make them frozen,
Speaker 1: the skinny ones frozen. Oh my god. It reminds me
Speaker 1: of like one of those vacations where there's like just
Speaker 1: mango margarita is coming towards you on the beach. You know,
Speaker 1: like Bora bora where they hand you like a passion
Speaker 1: fruit margarita, frienzen margarita, who I love margarita's. People don't understand,
Speaker 1: like when I've gone skiing and we do lunch, that
Speaker 1: I always want a margarita. Don't you want something warm
Speaker 1: and coffee? People don't know what they're talking about. When
Speaker 1: it's hot out. Just because it's cold out doesn't means
Speaker 1: you need something hot to drink, Like people are still
Speaker 1: drinking are you? Are you three months old? I mean,
Speaker 1: come on, regulate your body temperature. Margaritas are refreshing because
Speaker 1: you're exerting energy when you're skiing, and so it's like
Speaker 1: you're thirsty. I will say, when we're skiing together, we'll
Speaker 1: get out, we'll stop for coffee or something after I
Speaker 1: don't know who you're talking. We'll stop and have a
Speaker 1: drink or get something, and then like we'll do lunch. Well,
Speaker 1: Sophia will get a hot chocolate and a cookie normally, yeah,
Speaker 1: but a coffee. No one's getting coffee. Well, we get
Speaker 1: something in the morning, and then for lunch, it'll be
Speaker 1: a long lunch and by that time someone will have
Speaker 1: already passed edibles. Out, So you really have to be
Speaker 1: on your game after lunch because you're a little runk
Speaker 1: and you're probably stoned. Well you know, yeah, you don't
Speaker 1: want to be drunk skiing first of all, that's irresponsible.
Speaker 1: You want to have a nice buzz. You want to
Speaker 1: have a buzz so that you're a little braver, not
Speaker 1: a little bit more reckless. That's when I feel like
Speaker 1: I can tackle me well, and I have. We've were
Speaker 1: ended each other in Central Park, not yet, but I
Speaker 1: think it's on the docket. It will happen at some point. God,
Speaker 1: that would be so no, No, that would be terrible.
Speaker 1: That would be a great twist and that would be
Speaker 1: a deal breaker and relations. That would be something Connie
Speaker 1: Britton could play on Bravo. Oh god, I saw Connie
Speaker 1: the other night. I had dinner with the Connie and
Speaker 1: a couple of other girlfriends. As the woman that that
Speaker 1: was duped by dear John. I was like, listen, are
Speaker 1: you over playing her? No, she's underplaying it. And it's fascinating,
Speaker 1: like there's just social incompetency or a regular incompetency technological well,
Speaker 1: I have tacked in loud a col incompetence. So that's
Speaker 1: what you try though, Well, I think that's part of it.
Speaker 1: So annoying. Technology is so annoying. The fact that I
Speaker 1: have five remotes in my bedroom is like so annoying.
Speaker 1: I want to shove all of them up your asp
Speaker 1: I know you do, and then they all control different things.
Speaker 1: We have the fireplace, her nightstand, lamps. We have three
Speaker 1: remotes for the TVs. Right now, I have to the
Speaker 1: remote for the lights is the lamps is over the
Speaker 1: top because I would like to keep going to turn
Speaker 1: it on when I'm reading. So that would be nice
Speaker 1: if you could rewire that, sweetheart, Well I just did that,
Speaker 1: so you don't have to get up out of bed
Speaker 1: to turn them both on or off. I spent a
Speaker 1: lot of time in bed, you guys readjusting to l
Speaker 1: A life has taken its toll. It's like she's a narcaptic.
Speaker 1: I know she will fall asleep. She fell asleep in
Speaker 1: her eyeshades at three pm this week. I went upstairs.
Speaker 1: I was literally calling to her as a sweetheart. Sweet
Speaker 1: her up the stairs and she was passed out, no movement. No,
Speaker 1: that was it because the TV didn't work. You don't
Speaker 1: smoke cigarettes, because if you did I sound like I
Speaker 1: do today there because I can't stop clearing my throat.
Speaker 1: I want to apologize to a list knows how annoying
Speaker 1: is that, so I won't smoke a joint again on
Speaker 1: the way to do a pie. Yes, I am okay,
Speaker 1: Well I may have forgotten it this morning, but you
Speaker 1: know check. Also, I am on tour. My tickets are
Speaker 1: officially on sale. We've added a couple of extra shows,
Speaker 1: and we are adding a Canadian date that I can't
Speaker 1: announce yet because we're gonna announce it July thirteen. So
Speaker 1: for my Canadian brothers and sisters who are reaching out
Speaker 1: to me just now that I'm headed there, it's just
Speaker 1: we're gonna be announcing dates as we go. But you
Speaker 1: can buy tickets a ticket Master for my shows. I'll
Speaker 1: be playing my next big show. I'm at the Santa
Speaker 1: Barbara Bowl August one, so you can come see me there.
Speaker 1: I'm warming up this new act, this new one hour
Speaker 1: stand up at a bunch of clubs. So there are
Speaker 1: still tickets at one of the clubs in Appleton, Wisconsin
Speaker 1: for the ten pm show, which is on September. So
Speaker 1: if you live in that area, there are about I
Speaker 1: don't know how many tickets there are left, but there
Speaker 1: are some. And then I have all the other cities
Speaker 1: that I have already released, and tickets are available, and
Speaker 1: I can't fucking wait. It's called vaccinated and a horny,
Speaker 1: So make sure that you bring your vaccinations and your
Speaker 1: horny nous and then keep them to yourself, please. And
Speaker 1: on that note, I am feeling so horny that we
Speaker 1: need to take a break so I can just climb.
Speaker 1: I can't even pretend that I would do something like
Speaker 1: that in a podcast studio. We're going to take a break.
Speaker 1: Should we take some calls? Okay? Our first submission comes
Speaker 1: from well, we don't know their name, but they're twenty
Speaker 1: four and they write, Dear Chelsea, I'm a twenty four
Speaker 1: year old music student at Juilliard. Should I keep hooking
Speaker 1: up with my friend who is in an open long
Speaker 1: distance relationship with a girl who is a sexual. There's
Speaker 1: a lot to unpack here. Okay, what do you think
Speaker 1: is he on the phone? No? This this was just
Speaker 1: a write and I imagine because it's nature. Read that again,
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I'm a twenty four year old music student
Speaker 1: at Juilliard. Should I keep hooking up with my friend
Speaker 1: who is in an open long distance relationship with a
Speaker 1: girl who is a sexual. I don't see why not.
Speaker 1: I mean, this seems like a home run opportunity unless
Speaker 1: you're getting emotionally involved. But other than that, yeah, go
Speaker 1: for it. Yeah, open relationship, that's the green. What pops
Speaker 1: up or pops down? Pops off? See what pops off?
Speaker 1: And thank you for writing in. We don't know your name,
Speaker 1: so we'll just call you Lucifer. I guess, so you
Speaker 1: have our seal of approval. Good luck on that. Let
Speaker 1: us know how it goes. That was mind blowing. I
Speaker 1: mean anything of a certain age, So like that age,
Speaker 1: I'm glad I'm not so drunk all the time. Well,
Speaker 1: can you imagine having to deal with everything that people
Speaker 1: that age are going through right now, like the political
Speaker 1: correctness of the genders and everything, Like we're all trying
Speaker 1: to keep up with it. But the younger generation gender fluid,
Speaker 1: a sexual, like, who the fun knows what's going on there?
Speaker 1: I don't know they know because it's that they live it.
Speaker 1: We're the ones that have to keep up because it's
Speaker 1: not like what we grew up with. So we're the
Speaker 1: ones who were like, I have to understand it. They
Speaker 1: understand it, so it's not you know, I think it's
Speaker 1: easier for them. You know, this is also probably much
Speaker 1: more of a norm now for people that age so
Speaker 1: twenty four, like being in an open relationship and the
Speaker 1: different types of sexualities. A sexual, I think that means
Speaker 1: that they're not sexually interested in anyone or anything. So
Speaker 1: I don't know even know why they're being a relationship
Speaker 1: with someone who's a sexual because it's like us, it's
Speaker 1: an emotional attachment. Yeah, well, but would you describe our
Speaker 1: relationship as a sexual, Well, not with how often I
Speaker 1: try and see you naked? Well, yeah, you do walk
Speaker 1: in on me and I get a lot, but that's
Speaker 1: just because I don't have a door to my bathroom.
Speaker 1: That's probably what I should be doing since I've been
Speaker 1: so bored. I should pick up one of those hobbies
Speaker 1: where I'm like, you know, I'm Pinterest making a little
Speaker 1: like furnitured boards of what I want my house to
Speaker 1: look like, something like that when you went up to
Speaker 1: Canada because you had quarantine for two weeks, and you
Speaker 1: asked if you should start online shopping, And I don't
Speaker 1: think i've ever I've ever been more worried about it.
Speaker 1: What am I gonna do for the quarantine? I mean,
Speaker 1: I'll read, but there's only so many hours a day
Speaker 1: you can read a book, you know. I can't read
Speaker 1: for eight hours. I was like, what should I do?
Speaker 1: Should I take up online shopping? Do you think I'd
Speaker 1: like that? That's gonna be a hard No, I know,
Speaker 1: but I don't want to get involved with anything like that.
Speaker 1: Lucky for me, you get through one page and forget
Speaker 1: what you were doing exactly. I would be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: what am I doing on this side again? Okay? So
Speaker 1: our next submission comes from Julian from the UK, and
Speaker 1: Julian writes, Dear Chelsea, I've always loved your honesty, integrity,
Speaker 1: and how genuine you are. My question, what would your
Speaker 1: advice be to anyone who's feeling lost in life or
Speaker 1: unsure about themselves and their direction? This seems to be
Speaker 1: a common theme. Everyone's going through it. So let's see
Speaker 1: what's going on, Julian, Julian, are you there? Hi? Yes?
Speaker 1: How are you? Oh? Hi? Julian, Hi, Julian, Hi, How
Speaker 1: are you guys? We're good? How are you doing? How's
Speaker 1: how's how's COVID doing over in London. Oh yeah, it's
Speaker 1: going really well. Yeah, it's it's okay. I think we're
Speaker 1: on our way out hopefully sur surviving for sure. Yeah,
Speaker 1: how about you guys. Yeah, well it's going well in
Speaker 1: l A right now. But you know, every time you
Speaker 1: think you're out of the woods, there seems to be
Speaker 1: another go round of it. So who who knows? Who knows?
Speaker 1: You're cute? Thank you? Likewise, thank you? Well, what's going on?
Speaker 1: What is going on? Lots of things? So um, I
Speaker 1: guess the basis of my question kind of stemmed from
Speaker 1: my personal experiences and circumstances over the last few years,
Speaker 1: which were kind of in relation to my career, relationships, friendships,
Speaker 1: mental health and so on. However, I guess on the
Speaker 1: flip side of that, I think there's a lot of
Speaker 1: people who are going through the same thing as me
Speaker 1: at the moment, So I thought it would be good
Speaker 1: to get your advice on on the situation and see
Speaker 1: if you could help me and so many other people
Speaker 1: to to kind of help get contract after such a
Speaker 1: difficult year and with everything that's been going on, Right, Brandon,
Speaker 1: would you like to take the lead on this, Well,
Speaker 1: I just wonder if there's a specific Like you listed
Speaker 1: off some categories in life, like is there a specific
Speaker 1: Is there a specific one that you feel like you're
Speaker 1: having the most trouble kind of confronting or getting like
Speaker 1: getting over that hurdle. Well, sadly, for me, it all
Speaker 1: happened at the same time. But if I was to
Speaker 1: pick one, I guess mental health is really important to me,
Speaker 1: and I know something I was struggled with for for
Speaker 1: a number of years. So in terms of feeling kind
Speaker 1: of lost and unsure, I guess I deal with depression.
Speaker 1: So for me, it's quite difficult when there are circumstances
Speaker 1: going on that you can't really control, you know, how
Speaker 1: do you kind of get through that? And what would
Speaker 1: your advice be to to kind of keep going and
Speaker 1: get yourself back to a good place. I mean, I
Speaker 1: would focus on what are the good things that are
Speaker 1: happening in your life, like what's going on with your job,
Speaker 1: your family? Do you have a boyfriend, girlfriend? Um, not pregnant, no,
Speaker 1: currently single. Happily, I'm quite blessed. I've got a great
Speaker 1: family and friends. But my circumstances previously, UM, I lost
Speaker 1: a lot of people quite close to me. And when
Speaker 1: I say lost, I mean they're still with us, just
Speaker 1: not with me thankfully. And my career, you know, I
Speaker 1: changed my job, I had to really change my whole life,
Speaker 1: and then COVID happens. So it's just kind of been
Speaker 1: one thing after another and you feel like you can't
Speaker 1: catch break. Well. I just think, first of all, it's
Speaker 1: not like you're loaning this. Obviously, half the world is
Speaker 1: feeling this way. More than half the world. More than
Speaker 1: half the world feels like they've lost something right this
Speaker 1: last year has it's like you're on a constant treasure
Speaker 1: hunt for like the next glimpse of happiness or the
Speaker 1: next positive thing to happen, because every time it seems
Speaker 1: like we're it's on the horizon, like Chelsea said, something happens.
Speaker 1: But I think that in those moments, it's really important
Speaker 1: to have something, a hobby and outlet that when you're
Speaker 1: down or depressed or in that sort of emotional state
Speaker 1: where it's kind of hard to dig yourself out, you
Speaker 1: have to have something that you can implement, And also
Speaker 1: you don't want to be a victim of your circumstances.
Speaker 1: Then you're like letting the world run you and you're
Speaker 1: not running anything, so like being even you like you
Speaker 1: know it's been so hard on you, of course, yeah,
Speaker 1: but like what are you gonna do with this opportunity now?
Speaker 1: You know, don't be a victim. We don't none of
Speaker 1: us want to be that, because that's just like graveling.
Speaker 1: You know, you have to go. God, Yeah, this was
Speaker 1: fucking tough. And if I survive this, I can survive
Speaker 1: so much more and kind of pick yourself up and
Speaker 1: start with all the good things you have going on
Speaker 1: in your life. Reminding yourself every morning when you get up,
Speaker 1: you know how lucky you are to be where you are,
Speaker 1: regardless of what happened in the past. What's happening right
Speaker 1: now is you having to be like in your life
Speaker 1: getting things kick started again, which is the way so
Speaker 1: many people feel. So you've got to get your juices flowing.
Speaker 1: And I think that Chelsea is obviously a big believer
Speaker 1: in meditation. And I try and do it consistently, and
Speaker 1: you know, I fail. I try, and I do it
Speaker 1: in the morning. Now. I used to do it midday
Speaker 1: and I got to meditate this morning actually, and I
Speaker 1: usually do it first thing when I get up, but
Speaker 1: lately my meditations have been so lame that I'm just like,
Speaker 1: but it really does set your day on a better path.
Speaker 1: So I kind of used it as a coping mechanism
Speaker 1: where if I was stressed, I would text her and say, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm taking tendons outside whatever as a coping mechanism for
Speaker 1: working for me, for associated with it, but trying to
Speaker 1: start your day off in the way that she mentioned,
Speaker 1: either kind of giving yourself the affirmations of the positive
Speaker 1: things or the little goals that you're going to have,
Speaker 1: Because when you feel those little successes, I think everything
Speaker 1: else feels a little less detrimental. Yeah, and every day
Speaker 1: should be like an adventure, you know, when you're getting
Speaker 1: up in the morning, it's not it's not like you
Speaker 1: have to write affirmations or yeah, you could write down
Speaker 1: in a thing like you know, three things you're grateful
Speaker 1: for that way you're getting out of bed with like
Speaker 1: some juices going, like some positive vibes. I think that
Speaker 1: everyone's problem is just to have more positive vibes, right,
Speaker 1: Like everyone can work harder to take the negative and
Speaker 1: turn it around and make it positive. Well, it's so
Speaker 1: much work to be negative all the time, you know,
Speaker 1: it'sou draining, I know, Julie. I will say the way
Speaker 1: that you kind of recounted the people not being in
Speaker 1: your life is a positive thing, Like you obviously have
Speaker 1: a positive disposition, like your recounting, Well, I haven't. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's the word I don't is And I like the
Speaker 1: way you used it. I was sexually attracted to just
Speaker 1: then we have that dynamic. So I think just implementing
Speaker 1: more of that that you you know, the people who
Speaker 1: were baggage and not contributing anything, they're no longer there,
Speaker 1: and you know, that's a positive thing. There's always a
Speaker 1: way to spin the circumstance in a positive direction. And
Speaker 1: the more you do that, it's going to feel like
Speaker 1: less work. Yeah, definitely, well said Brandon. Yeah, I would
Speaker 1: agree with that. You seem really cool, Like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: think you're gonna be just fine. Thank you. I hope.
Speaker 1: I wish I could prescribe medication overseas. I would prescribe
Speaker 1: you something fun, but I can. I only work here
Speaker 1: in the United States. I'm sure I can find something here. Okay, good? Yeah,
Speaker 1: do you smoke cod and do you drink? Like? Do
Speaker 1: you have fun? Well? That's good, I mean you have
Speaker 1: to at this point. But I know right like, this
Speaker 1: isn't the time to be sober or even experiment with
Speaker 1: sobriety exactly. No, I don't have time for that. So
Speaker 1: the first two weeks of the pandemic, like when we
Speaker 1: were quarantining for our first two weeks, which we thought
Speaker 1: would be our only two weeks, I treated it like
Speaker 1: it was spring break. Like I did mushrooms every day.
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, what drugs do I have today?
Speaker 1: She was like an amust child on rum spring up.
Speaker 1: I mean, she was like anything that she could get
Speaker 1: up to she was. She's like, I only have this
Speaker 1: two weeks. Yeah, nothing, I can't leave my house. It
Speaker 1: doesn't matter what happens. Like, I'm just gonna I had
Speaker 1: like a hundred milligram THHC capsules that I was taking.
Speaker 1: I tried those out. I was like, let's see what happens.
Speaker 1: And then when I realized it was going to go
Speaker 1: on for more than two weeks, I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: ship like and then zooms became, you know, the like
Speaker 1: the big thing. I was like, Oh, I'm gonna have
Speaker 1: to get my ship together. That was the word. I
Speaker 1: definitely killed off some brain cells during those two weeks.
Speaker 1: For sure, those two weeks were the best for both
Speaker 1: of us because no one knew how to work, and
Speaker 1: I was just dropping off egg mcmuffins McDonald's eg mcmuffins.
Speaker 1: He put in my freezer and freezer pack them for
Speaker 1: me because that's my favorite thing to have. I'm like,
Speaker 1: if the apocalypse is coming and everything shutting down, I
Speaker 1: need her to go out on a high note, literally
Speaker 1: high with McMuffin. Yeah. Anyway, stay away from egg mcmuffins because,
Speaker 1: as you'll know, I'm sure they cause damage and you
Speaker 1: don't need that in your life right now. No other
Speaker 1: unsolicited life advice. Take care of Julian. Thank you so much,
Speaker 1: guys appreciate it. He was one of my favorite callers.
Speaker 1: He was so likable. It's some of these people that
Speaker 1: are really likable that just needed to kind of recalibrate
Speaker 1: their thinking. Yeah. I think a lot of people also
Speaker 1: don't laugh a lot. I think that's a thing because, like,
Speaker 1: when I've gone through periods without laughing, I notice it.
Speaker 1: I'm like, why aren't I laughing? Like when I'm not
Speaker 1: making you know, I'm like being too serious or I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know whatever. People in their heads, taking things too seriously,
Speaker 1: taking things too serious, and nothing's that serious like my
Speaker 1: And this is actually a piece of advice that I
Speaker 1: gave you. Way to toot your own horn. Well, one
Speaker 1: of the first times I ever did it, I remember
Speaker 1: being so uncomfortable trying to like, you know, open up personally.
Speaker 1: And you were really upset about something. I can't remember
Speaker 1: what it was, and basically it probably was. And my
Speaker 1: aunt always would ask me, is it really worth being
Speaker 1: mad over? If I called her with an issue or
Speaker 1: if I was upset about something? And the answer is
Speaker 1: almost always know, like when you're really face to answer that.
Speaker 1: And so I did that to you one day. You
Speaker 1: were upset about something, but you have to put it
Speaker 1: in perspective is it really worth being mad over? And
Speaker 1: you totally changed your outlook like, actually, no it's not.
Speaker 1: So let's just like correct it and move on. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's so lame to be in a bad mood. Also,
Speaker 1: you know, it's like just so not hot. It doesn't
Speaker 1: do anything for anyone. Well, no, no, it doesn't. It's
Speaker 1: not like anyone get Yeah, well, let's see how this
Speaker 1: next color is. Her name is Lacy. She's from California.
Speaker 1: She is a child sleep therapist, or maybe she can
Speaker 1: help you. Spee hard and Adula. We need to put
Speaker 1: two birds with one stone. I can have a baby
Speaker 1: and sleep through the night. If you could sleep through
Speaker 1: having the baby. Oh well, I would rather sleep after
Speaker 1: the baby is born. I would rather sleep through that. Well,
Speaker 1: my bell will be taking over at that point, so
Speaker 1: will though I really be taking over at that point.
Speaker 1: She writes, Dear Chelsea, I would like your advice. My
Speaker 1: girlfriend and I plan to spend our future together and
Speaker 1: that means we would like to get married. However, with
Speaker 1: both of us being lesbians, feminine lesbians, we don't really
Speaker 1: know how to propose. I personally would like to be
Speaker 1: proposed to. However, she also wants to be proposed to.
Speaker 1: How would you suggest we go about this? Any ideas?
Speaker 1: This is a quick fix. She's on the phone. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's see what's going on. Hi, Lacy Chelsea. You're a
Speaker 1: feminine lesbian. I could see thank you? Yes, Okay. How
Speaker 1: long have you guys been together? We met seven months
Speaker 1: ago in the height of the pandemic. Well that was good.
Speaker 1: I'm glad you guys were being safe during the pandemic.
Speaker 1: Hooking up exactly. And how's it been going. I mean
Speaker 1: seven months, that's like, okay, so you know you both
Speaker 1: know and committed. Yes, yes, when you know, you know.
Speaker 1: But I mean to put it simple, we met at
Speaker 1: the beach in Santa Monica, and the rest is history.
Speaker 1: So there's a lot going on with the circumstances of
Speaker 1: your meeting being at a beach during the pandemic. But
Speaker 1: I'll support that's good. They were outside, that's safe. That's
Speaker 1: one thing. We need to take you to the beach
Speaker 1: to try and find you somebody. Yeah, six ft apart, Yeah,
Speaker 1: six ft apart. They were just, you know, finger blasting
Speaker 1: each other six ft apart exactly. Yeah, Chelsea. I think
Speaker 1: what you guys are like, you know, a modern couple.
Speaker 1: I think you should just if you want to be
Speaker 1: proposed to and she wants to be proposed to, I
Speaker 1: think you should have a conversation and say, listen, I'm
Speaker 1: going to propose to you, and I want you to
Speaker 1: propose to me, and let's plan on doing that together.
Speaker 1: I mean, because otherwise one person is going to do
Speaker 1: it and then the other person is going to be
Speaker 1: let down right well correct, But that's the conversation we've
Speaker 1: already had. Oh yeah it oh it is mean. Yes,
Speaker 1: So we need a good idea, Chelsea, like an idea
Speaker 1: for the double proposal. But are you going to be
Speaker 1: proposing at the same time or rule one of you
Speaker 1: propose at a certain time and the other person. See,
Speaker 1: that's what I would do. That's my question, you guys,
Speaker 1: that's a logistical that's a logistical question. And sweetheart knows that.
Speaker 1: Sweetheart it does not know anything about logistics. This is
Speaker 1: also that's your department. This is a calm and problem
Speaker 1: with gay couples. And this is something you can ask,
Speaker 1: like who pays for dinner when you're both men? Are
Speaker 1: both women? And the same thing for proposing? How do
Speaker 1: you know who proposes to one another? Sometimes there's a
Speaker 1: more dominant person in the relationship. Are you the more
Speaker 1: dominant one? Well, that is a good question. I think
Speaker 1: it's pretty equal. That's why I'm having a hard time
Speaker 1: with this. So what so what about you just going
Speaker 1: for it and proposing like on your own and then
Speaker 1: I could do that and then letting her just figure
Speaker 1: out her own thing. So I do it first? Yeah,
Speaker 1: like you want to do it? Like, yeah, that's kind
Speaker 1: of it's kind of hot to do it first anyway, right, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it could be except for the possible repercussions of that
Speaker 1: of the girlfriend being pissed. So what you don't understand
Speaker 1: Did you agree? Did you agree with you agree that
Speaker 1: you won't both wanted to be proposed to, but you
Speaker 1: didn't agree that it had to happen on this at
Speaker 1: the same time. Did they okay? Because I'm like, miracle ear,
Speaker 1: we should do an ad for miracle ear because I
Speaker 1: was like, did I fucking miss something? Oh yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I think you should. Then you should just go for it.
Speaker 1: Just proposed to her and do it and like be
Speaker 1: like I wanted to do it my way and I
Speaker 1: want you to do it your way, and that way
Speaker 1: it gives her the room to, you know, still do
Speaker 1: it right. It's exciting. Congratulations. I'm so happy that you've
Speaker 1: found somebody that you love this much like I would
Speaker 1: love to find somebody that I was that excited about.
Speaker 1: Maybe you will keep telling you to become a late
Speaker 1: in life lesbian. Everyone Everyone is becoming lesbians. Everyone something, Well, no,
Speaker 1: they are because they're sucking over men. They're like, oh
Speaker 1: this is you. Guys are so disappointing over and over
Speaker 1: and over again, that we're just gonna start going down
Speaker 1: on women. That's what a lot of women are doing.
Speaker 1: And I might you're right, who knows, you know what,
Speaker 1: I probably will end up being a lesbian Okay, I know.
Speaker 1: I just I'm like, I like men. I'm attracted to
Speaker 1: men in a big way. I'm losing my attraction to
Speaker 1: that slowly over time, but I keep thinking that there's
Speaker 1: gonna be some guy out there that I'm just going
Speaker 1: to be really into, possibly or up, and we'll take
Speaker 1: you to the beach and we'll find you your lesbian lover. Okay.
Speaker 1: My last piece of advice on this, maybe you set
Speaker 1: a time line or a time frame that you if
Speaker 1: you do it first, then she has, you know, three
Speaker 1: months to plan her thing and do it that way,
Speaker 1: so that way you don't feel like you both don't
Speaker 1: know when it's happening. Or maybe you set a certain
Speaker 1: amount of time that you both agree on of when
Speaker 1: the first person is allowed to or pull a fucking straw,
Speaker 1: so you know, like then it's fair who who gets
Speaker 1: to propose first. But I definitely think I definitely think
Speaker 1: you each setting up your own proposal so you can
Speaker 1: do it your way, based on what you know the
Speaker 1: other person would appreciate is going to be the best
Speaker 1: experience for you both. So you're saying, whoever does it first.
Speaker 1: I'm saying that there's I think she should just propose, like,
Speaker 1: just go for it and fucking do it already. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: be bold. I think that's my advice. Let us know
Speaker 1: how it turns out. Who who ends up proposing? Yeah, sweetheart, Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm going to talk to my sweetheart now because I'm
Speaker 1: you know, that was a confused We have to work
Speaker 1: in concert. Well, we have different perspectives on this because
Speaker 1: as a gay man, this is a struggle that we
Speaker 1: all face. Okay, you're never going to face that. You
Speaker 1: don't need to hear this part of the conversation. We're
Speaker 1: going to say goodbye, Lacey, thank you, have a great day.
Speaker 1: Bye bye, sweetheart. Stop exposing everybody to our dysfunctional sweetheart.
Speaker 1: I look like Nick Nalty. I think your face looks great,
Speaker 1: looks very You look very glowy today, do I? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Did you use that empathy product? Yeah? Yeah, I use
Speaker 1: that new hempathy product, and I was testing it out
Speaker 1: to see if I like it on so far, I do.
Speaker 1: I hope more people right in with cosmetic related questions
Speaker 1: because that's my favorite topic. I know you love to
Speaker 1: do you love to take care of your skin anything,
Speaker 1: facials and any sort of Yeah, a roma therapy or
Speaker 1: you into a roma therapy. No, not so much into that,
Speaker 1: but my candle therapy. Aroma therapy just like smells, but
Speaker 1: it always smells like ship. My favorite is when you
Speaker 1: think that I've had botox and I have it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: your forehead looks like you've had a lot of botox,
Speaker 1: and now, oh that's weird mobility. So you have a
Speaker 1: little bit one of those like what are those cavemen
Speaker 1: from the early times? What are they called? Chocolate? Chocolate chocolate? No,
Speaker 1: I'm not thinking of that, but yeah, pro magnum chromagnum. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you look a little bit chro magnum. Then with your
Speaker 1: it's where like it's a little cave man asked, It's
Speaker 1: like where there you were, it's very full right here
Speaker 1: in the brow. Yeah yeah. And then with your middle part,
Speaker 1: like you look like you could be, you know, half
Speaker 1: a palf man I'm missing, like you could you could
Speaker 1: have come from that line of you know, well we
Speaker 1: all did, so I imagine there's gonna be not very smooth,
Speaker 1: but well, but anyway, it's good to know that cave men,
Speaker 1: we're getting botox. Also, it started somewhere this would be
Speaker 1: a perfect time to insert our botox commercial. We're just
Speaker 1: dishing out this advice today and I feel like we're
Speaker 1: getting through them very quickly. I love our callers are
Speaker 1: so none of them are annoying, you know. I mean,
Speaker 1: obviously somebody will be, but that's everyone's so cool one
Speaker 1: for sure. Oh yeah, yeah, I know, for sure. I'm
Speaker 1: I'm waiting. Well. Our next mission was actually a voice
Speaker 1: memo submitted by Tina, and so if you would like
Speaker 1: to send a voicemamil, you can do that as well.
Speaker 1: You can send it to Dear Chelsea project at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com if you don't have the time to call
Speaker 1: in and send us a voice momo. I love a
Speaker 1: voice mamo. Let's listen to what she has to say.
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I need your advice and whether to remove
Speaker 1: my tattoos completely off my body since they suck, or
Speaker 1: repair the current ones to look cooler instead of the
Speaker 1: piece of ship I have. Yes, I shouldn't have done
Speaker 1: it to begin with, but the damage has been done
Speaker 1: and removing them is very painful, with numerous appointments and money.
Speaker 1: But I'll do it if you pay and film the
Speaker 1: horror promise. You're lesbian tattoo friend Tina. Why if I
Speaker 1: have to pay for her to get her tattoos removed
Speaker 1: and then film it repaired. I love that you gave
Speaker 1: me two options, removed or repaired. I personally just I'm
Speaker 1: not a fan of tattoos. No, I'm a Jew, so
Speaker 1: it's like, it's not that I follow anything else, like
Speaker 1: at anything about religion about my own other than trying
Speaker 1: to be a good person. You can't be buried in
Speaker 1: a Jewish cemetery if you have tattoos. I am not
Speaker 1: going to be wanting to be buried anyway. Sweet. Actually,
Speaker 1: that's that's conversation we need to have. Yeah, I want
Speaker 1: to be cremated, and you can just throw me in
Speaker 1: the garbage. I do not want to be cremated on
Speaker 1: the record. Do not cremate me. You mean for the record,
Speaker 1: for the record and on the record, Okay, do not
Speaker 1: under any circumstance. I want to be buried because I
Speaker 1: want to be brought back. I want there to be
Speaker 1: some DNA left. You're being ridiculous. I looked up being
Speaker 1: cry genically frozen. There's a company in Arizona. Okay. So
Speaker 1: how much does it cost? I don't know, but you
Speaker 1: have to have somebody handled the account. That's like forty
Speaker 1: years young. I think it's a hundred and fifty thousand.
Speaker 1: But there are two different options. You can just have
Speaker 1: your head crygenically frozen, in which case they would like
Speaker 1: implant your brain into another body and then come back.
Speaker 1: Possibly you come back a hundred years later. Yes, I
Speaker 1: don't know about that. That would be really scary. I
Speaker 1: got a tattoo while you were way and I posted
Speaker 1: about it while I was in my tattoo session, and
Speaker 1: you deemed me immediately about the tattoo. Were you disappointed
Speaker 1: that I had gotten a time? I just was surprised. Well,
Speaker 1: this is something else to know. More life advice is
Speaker 1: sometimes your body refuses the ink, which mine has done. Well,
Speaker 1: there you go, so it has now faded into Basically,
Speaker 1: maybe maybe I got had the ink disappear with my
Speaker 1: power of thought. You probably did out your tattoo. You
Speaker 1: wanted my body to let go of the ink, letting go,
Speaker 1: letting go. That's a book everyone should read. You've given
Speaker 1: it away to multiple people. Oh yeah, that's a great
Speaker 1: book by David Hawkins. I read it like three times
Speaker 1: when I was in Whistler. It's really good. So did
Speaker 1: we she on her own? I mean, what are you thinking? Uh, Tina, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not a decision for us to make. I'm not
Speaker 1: going to pay for your tattoo removal. I can't start
Speaker 1: paying for things when people ask and right in because
Speaker 1: then that's what the show would be and I'd have
Speaker 1: to do much more than a podcast to sustain it.
Speaker 1: But it's a decision you're going to need to make, Sister,
Speaker 1: on your own, without our help. You got yourself into
Speaker 1: this mess, Now touch yourself out of it. Goodbye, Tina. Okay,
Speaker 1: it sounds like it's time for a breaky breaky, breaky breaky.
Speaker 1: We'll be right back. Okay, Well, there was definitely abroad.
Speaker 1: It seems like we didn't do very much heavy lifting today, sweetheart.
Speaker 1: Let's be honest. No, but those will come. Do you
Speaker 1: think if you weren't a comedian that you would want
Speaker 1: to do something with counseling or like, no, if I
Speaker 1: weren't a comedian, what I would want to do is
Speaker 1: get paid to watch television and sit on my maybe psychology,
Speaker 1: I don't know, and it would have to involve travel
Speaker 1: and sociology. Maybe sociology, anthropology. It's never too late to
Speaker 1: become an anthropologist, Brendan, There's always an option. Would you
Speaker 1: ever go to college? Did you ever actually enroll if
Speaker 1: we were filming it for like, you know, a documentary
Speaker 1: series or something. Yeah, we've talked about toing that before.
Speaker 1: We just haven't gotten around to it. Because but I
Speaker 1: would Yeah, I'm interested in learning, and I'm also would
Speaker 1: be interested in getting swept up in the social aspects
Speaker 1: of college, just because I would just I would totally go, like,
Speaker 1: you know, join a sorority, become the president and tell
Speaker 1: all these girls like how to fucking you know, keep
Speaker 1: everyone in line and like be bosses. I would love
Speaker 1: So I would love to have that influence over a
Speaker 1: bunch of eighteen year old girls, Are you kidding me?
Speaker 1: Like they would be fucking cunts by the time I
Speaker 1: got done with them, they'd be ready to attack. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I could see myself doing that. I don't remember what
Speaker 1: happened with that. We were talking about it, but then
Speaker 1: we never really got into it, so we'll we'll revisit.
Speaker 1: Put that on your notes section. I will bring up
Speaker 1: I will, I will, I will thank you. Yeah, lightload today, lightlift,
Speaker 1: but we'll see what happens next week. Do you feel
Speaker 1: like that you have the qualifications to continue advising people
Speaker 1: at this level? I mean, I don't know that I'm qualified.
Speaker 1: I'm going to keep doing it right, and that's the
Speaker 1: important thing. I'm no quitter, right, and quitters never win.
Speaker 1: Good Night. If you want any assistance with your partner,
Speaker 1: your best friend, really, anything, you can write into Dear
Speaker 1: Chelsea Project at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea Project at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com.