1
00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:05,560
Speaker 1: Knowing this isn't good for me, but I don't want

2
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:07,280
Speaker 1: to be by myself or I don't want this to happen,

3
00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:08,760
Speaker 1: So I'm just going to stay here in this bad

4
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:12,200
Speaker 1: situation that doesn't necessarily make me happy, but I'm comfortable

5
00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:17,439
Speaker 1: that's codependency. I would stay in relationships that weren't good

6
00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:20,480
Speaker 1: for me, and I knew it my gut, my intuition

7
00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:21,799
Speaker 1: would tell me, and I would just stay in the

8
00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:24,960
Speaker 1: relationship for the sake of not being alone. I've learned

9
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:28,240
Speaker 1: that it's so healthy and so beautiful to just be

10
00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:39,480
Speaker 1: yourself and allow the other person to be themselves. Hello

11
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:42,880
Speaker 1: and happy Monday to all my lovely listeners. I hope

12
00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:45,320
Speaker 1: you all are having a wonderful day while you're listening

13
00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:48,880
Speaker 1: to Chicki's and Chill. Whether you're cooking, cleaning, or working out,

14
00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:51,800
Speaker 1: either way, I hope you're having a really great one.

15
00:00:52,159 --> 00:00:54,680
Speaker 1: Today's episode is going to be about something I struggled

16
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:57,240
Speaker 1: with for a long time, and I think it's something

17
00:00:57,280 --> 00:00:59,640
Speaker 1: a lot of you can probably relate to. I'm talking

18
00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:03,279
Speaker 1: about codependency. I'm going to open up about my experience

19
00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,679
Speaker 1: with it, how it changed my life, and how I

20
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,720
Speaker 1: managed to break free from it. This is Cheeky's in

21
00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:19,360
Speaker 1: chill all right, guys. So I want to start by

22
00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:21,760
Speaker 1: telling you, guys my story. I've been codependent most of

23
00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:24,840
Speaker 1: my life, not only in romantic relationships, but also with

24
00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:29,200
Speaker 1: my friends and even with my family. I don't know

25
00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:33,280
Speaker 1: where this codependency thing comes from. I want to say

26
00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:38,360
Speaker 1: it's also issues with abandonment. The crazy thing is, I

27
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:43,160
Speaker 1: had a pretty nice childhood up until like I was

28
00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:46,119
Speaker 1: eight years old, and that's when, you know, the whole

29
00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:49,480
Speaker 1: sexual abuse with my dad happened. But I don't know.

30
00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:52,800
Speaker 1: I've thought about this so much because my mom was

31
00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:56,120
Speaker 1: a very independent woman, so I can't say that I

32
00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:59,800
Speaker 1: got it from her. It could be from sexual abuse.

33
00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:03,120
Speaker 1: And when I went to there before that, they did

34
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:08,799
Speaker 1: say that my constipation issues comes from that, my abandonment

35
00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:12,480
Speaker 1: issues because I was always afraid of my mom leaving,

36
00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:16,079
Speaker 1: or because my dad left, you know what I mean,

37
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:18,560
Speaker 1: Like he left and he ran away for ten years

38
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:22,040
Speaker 1: after I opened up about the sexual abuse, Like he

39
00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:24,720
Speaker 1: was on the run for ten years, and then he finally,

40
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,839
Speaker 1: you know, showed up and he was caught and then

41
00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:30,000
Speaker 1: he went to jail. So I think it's just like

42
00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:34,040
Speaker 1: a series of things. But thank goodness, I've been able

43
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:38,360
Speaker 1: to like pinpoint it and pinpoint that codependency isn't good

44
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:42,440
Speaker 1: for so many reasons, and it really has affected my

45
00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:45,519
Speaker 1: life and it affected a lot of my romantic relationships,

46
00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:49,160
Speaker 1: a lot of my friendships. I was very territorial. I

47
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:52,520
Speaker 1: was very somewhat controlling. I think it was from the

48
00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:56,679
Speaker 1: fear of losing people and wanting so bad to help

49
00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:59,079
Speaker 1: them and for them to be their best selves or

50
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:00,760
Speaker 1: for them not to hurt them or do things that

51
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,919
Speaker 1: were going to affect them, that I would just hold

52
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,680
Speaker 1: on so tight and I would want to control the

53
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:08,280
Speaker 1: situation when in reality it's just not healthy, not for

54
00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:11,480
Speaker 1: you or for the other person. And I think I

55
00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:14,280
Speaker 1: did it with my mom. It was very territorial with

56
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:16,720
Speaker 1: my mom. You guys, I was just like, Okay, this

57
00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:20,360
Speaker 1: is my job. I am the second mother in the home.

58
00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:22,960
Speaker 1: You know. Even when new employees would come in, I

59
00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:25,520
Speaker 1: was kind of like, uh, hello, who is this? You know,

60
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:29,760
Speaker 1: it was just her and I for so long that

61
00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:31,520
Speaker 1: I just felt like I had to hold on tight.

62
00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:33,840
Speaker 1: I had to protect her, I had to protect our home.

63
00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:36,960
Speaker 1: My mom was married a few times. She had long

64
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:40,560
Speaker 1: term relationships like with Johnny and Jenica's dad. He was

65
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:44,640
Speaker 1: around and then he left, and I feel like maybe

66
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:48,080
Speaker 1: I wanted that father figure. So when they would come

67
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:49,760
Speaker 1: and then they would leave, or they would get divorced

68
00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:55,720
Speaker 1: or separated, it was just it would just cause like anxiety.

69
00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:57,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, wait, who else is going to leave?

70
00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,320
Speaker 1: And little did I know what was going to happen.

71
00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:03,560
Speaker 1: And I feel like I was like that most of

72
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:10,760
Speaker 1: my life, being afraid of being alone, of abandonment issues

73
00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:15,480
Speaker 1: until twenty twelve, the year my mom passed. And that

74
00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:17,839
Speaker 1: was like in like my late twenties, guys like where

75
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:20,960
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, that's the last lesson. I always

76
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:24,200
Speaker 1: say always, that's the last lesson that my mom taught

77
00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:28,279
Speaker 1: me was not to depend on anyone but myself. Obviously

78
00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:29,760
Speaker 1: she didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't

79
00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:31,440
Speaker 1: know what was going to happen. So when her and

80
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:34,960
Speaker 1: I had that issue two months before she passed that

81
00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:38,839
Speaker 1: October of twenty twelve, when we had that fallout, you know,

82
00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:43,080
Speaker 1: and she took my job and she asked me to

83
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,760
Speaker 1: move out. Well, actually no, that was in March of

84
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:48,240
Speaker 1: twenty twelve. Oh my god, that whole year Oh my goodness,

85
00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:51,120
Speaker 1: you guys, that's crazy. Okay. So it was March of

86
00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:53,440
Speaker 1: twenty twelve when she asked me, you know it's time

87
00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:55,599
Speaker 1: for you to move out. You gotta spread your wings,

88
00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:58,760
Speaker 1: you gotta fly. You can't work for me, you know,

89
00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:00,960
Speaker 1: you got to move out. And I even suggested let

90
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,240
Speaker 1: me pay rent, and she was like no, like you

91
00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:07,080
Speaker 1: need to be independent. You need to see what life

92
00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:10,600
Speaker 1: is really about. Like she's like, I've overprotected you and

93
00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:13,839
Speaker 1: I'm not allowing you to be your own woman. Of

94
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:16,320
Speaker 1: course I didn't understand it then, but I'm so grateful now.

95
00:05:16,839 --> 00:05:20,000
Speaker 1: So that was March. Then we worked on a relationship

96
00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:22,600
Speaker 1: with a daughter mother relationship because for so long we

97
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,400
Speaker 1: were like husband and wife and you know, we were

98
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:29,160
Speaker 1: business partners and it was just so much all in one.

99
00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,800
Speaker 1: So after March we were just like working on our

100
00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:34,440
Speaker 1: mother daughter relationship. It was really nice. We had really

101
00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:37,200
Speaker 1: nice months, and then in October was when that whole

102
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:39,680
Speaker 1: fall out happened. So I just feel like it was

103
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:42,200
Speaker 1: preparing me for what was coming in December when she passed.

104
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:45,120
Speaker 1: So anyways, I feel like that whole year was preparing me.

105
00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:48,800
Speaker 1: It was just preparation for my future self. It was

106
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:52,039
Speaker 1: very uncomfortable. I had to learn the hard way because

107
00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:55,120
Speaker 1: there were many times before that that my soul or

108
00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:58,440
Speaker 1: something would tell me you need to go find another job,

109
00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:00,800
Speaker 1: something outside of your mom. But I was just so

110
00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:03,320
Speaker 1: scared and I didn't want anyone else to come in

111
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:07,200
Speaker 1: and take my job. So that's codependency of like knowing

112
00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:09,120
Speaker 1: this isn't good for me, but I don't want to

113
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:10,720
Speaker 1: be by myself or I don't want this to happen

114
00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:12,360
Speaker 1: or that to happen, So I'm just going to stay

115
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:15,640
Speaker 1: here in this bad situation that doesn't necessarily make me happy,

116
00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:20,240
Speaker 1: but I'm comfortable. And that's what happened so much, and

117
00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:23,560
Speaker 1: it would come and go and the until finally the

118
00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:26,520
Speaker 1: universe God was like, boom, let me do this for

119
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:30,599
Speaker 1: you because you're not taking action. So then that's what happened,

120
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,640
Speaker 1: And of course I was sad, and of course it

121
00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:35,159
Speaker 1: was very very very hard. Thank goodness for therapy because

122
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:37,720
Speaker 1: it helped me through it. But it was like I

123
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:41,360
Speaker 1: went from my mom, like leaving my mom's house and

124
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:44,279
Speaker 1: not having so much responsibility with my siblings because that

125
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,480
Speaker 1: was another thing, like I was so attached to them,

126
00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:50,400
Speaker 1: like I was like addicted, you guys to feeling needed.

127
00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:53,520
Speaker 1: I needed to be needed. That was because I guess

128
00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,640
Speaker 1: I just didn't know what I wanted to do with

129
00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:59,840
Speaker 1: my life. Then my whole life was my mom, my siblings,

130
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:03,479
Speaker 1: and my mom's building, my mom's empire, and it was

131
00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:05,960
Speaker 1: just her her. I remember back then, I would think, like,

132
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,560
Speaker 1: I'm going to grow old with my mom. I'm never

133
00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:08,920
Speaker 1: going to leave her side. I'm going to work for

134
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:11,480
Speaker 1: her forever. I want to make her life easier. I

135
00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,840
Speaker 1: want to make her life better, not knowing that that's

136
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:18,480
Speaker 1: not healthy, Like I was suffocating her in a way

137
00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,480
Speaker 1: and not allowing her to be the mother she needed

138
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,800
Speaker 1: to be to the kids. And her home probably didn't

139
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,960
Speaker 1: feel like her home because I was again, like so

140
00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:28,440
Speaker 1: in on everything that I think she needed me to

141
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,840
Speaker 1: move out of the way so she could step in

142
00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:35,240
Speaker 1: and take charge of her own life. So it's just

143
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,560
Speaker 1: like so many different things, but it all comes down

144
00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:40,840
Speaker 1: to like codependency and me being so attached to my mom.

145
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:44,520
Speaker 1: So anyways, when all that happened and I moved out,

146
00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:47,520
Speaker 1: then I started being co dependent on my friends. So

147
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,960
Speaker 1: I went from one thing to another, and I had

148
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:54,320
Speaker 1: really good friends. Then I'm sure you guys remember them

149
00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:56,560
Speaker 1: if you guys watched shek's in Roxy and she is

150
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,800
Speaker 1: in control like the reality shows. Like you saw a

151
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:02,400
Speaker 1: lot of my very good friends back then, which were Diana,

152
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:07,240
Speaker 1: Ellen Jerald, Julie, Brianna. Brianna Juli are still in my

153
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,080
Speaker 1: life and Diana a little bit. We talked in Ellen

154
00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,000
Speaker 1: Jerald I don't talk too but anyways, those were like

155
00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:15,920
Speaker 1: my key friends and they really did help me through

156
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,240
Speaker 1: that tough time in my life. Guys like I. It

157
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:21,880
Speaker 1: was tough, but I became codependent on them, like I

158
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:24,280
Speaker 1: felt like I needed to have someone around at all times.

159
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:27,040
Speaker 1: Why it was just because I didn't know anything else,

160
00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:28,400
Speaker 1: Like if it wasn't one of the kids, it was

161
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,080
Speaker 1: my mom, I was doing something for someone else. Like

162
00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,600
Speaker 1: I was finally like, Okay, this is life and I'm

163
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,200
Speaker 1: gonna live it for myself, Like what am I going

164
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:38,440
Speaker 1: to do? And that's when I started realizing the importance

165
00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:42,840
Speaker 1: of education, of getting something for yourself, because that's something

166
00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:44,240
Speaker 1: you can put under your belt and no one can

167
00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:46,520
Speaker 1: ever take that away from you. And I didn't have

168
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:49,760
Speaker 1: that because I was so engrossed in my mom's life.

169
00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:53,480
Speaker 1: So there I am at freaking twenty six years old,

170
00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:56,160
Speaker 1: and I'm like, Okay, what am I gonna do. That's

171
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:58,680
Speaker 1: when I opened up my salon. I invested what I

172
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:02,160
Speaker 1: had gotten from the reality, and I opened up my

173
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:05,920
Speaker 1: salon and my friends were there. And I was depressed,

174
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,800
Speaker 1: especially in October when my mom and I weren't talking

175
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:11,920
Speaker 1: and I did. I had suicidal thoughts. And thank goodness

176
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:14,400
Speaker 1: for those friends. They would not leave me alone. They

177
00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,960
Speaker 1: knew we cannot leave her by herself because something's going

178
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:19,079
Speaker 1: to happen, so they would take turns you know what

179
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:23,199
Speaker 1: I mean, basically babysitting me those two months October November December.

180
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:26,520
Speaker 1: It was very, very tough. So I became very dependent

181
00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:31,559
Speaker 1: and codependent on them. And fast forwarding to like I

182
00:09:31,559 --> 00:09:34,800
Speaker 1: don't know what, twenty sixteen or something like those. That's

183
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:36,880
Speaker 1: why those friends were no longer in my life because

184
00:09:37,679 --> 00:09:42,640
Speaker 1: it was just too much attachment, unhealthy unhealthy attachment. Even

185
00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:45,040
Speaker 1: with my siblings. You guys, we were having like a

186
00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:47,720
Speaker 1: conversation the other day here and we were having a

187
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,360
Speaker 1: meeting at my house and we were talking about how

188
00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:53,680
Speaker 1: attached we were to a point where it was just

189
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:57,120
Speaker 1: too much. That's what we were taught now we're growing up. Now,

190
00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:59,679
Speaker 1: it's like we're kind of learning to separate ourselves in

191
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,120
Speaker 1: a health healthy way. We are learning to respect each

192
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:06,240
Speaker 1: other as individuals. And now as the older sister who

193
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:09,000
Speaker 1: used to be the mom, also very co dependent on

194
00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:13,120
Speaker 1: them and their approval and them being okay and them

195
00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:16,280
Speaker 1: needing me, all that stuff was so unhealthy that I

196
00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:19,520
Speaker 1: was also not allowing them to be who they need

197
00:10:19,559 --> 00:10:21,920
Speaker 1: to be, who they're meant to be. So we were

198
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,200
Speaker 1: talking about all that, and I'm just like, WHOA, Like

199
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:27,000
Speaker 1: it's been a lot, and it's all out of love,

200
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:29,040
Speaker 1: to be honest, Like, I've learned that I used to

201
00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:31,400
Speaker 1: hold on to people just out of love, not wanting

202
00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:41,160
Speaker 1: to lose them, but that's not necessarily healthy. I'm telling

203
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:44,600
Speaker 1: you all of this because it's something that's very real

204
00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:47,120
Speaker 1: and sometimes we don't even realize it when we're doing it.

205
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:50,360
Speaker 1: We don't realize it. And I've learned that it's so

206
00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:55,600
Speaker 1: healthy and so beautiful to just be yourself and allow

207
00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:59,360
Speaker 1: the other person to be themselves and respecting each other's

208
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:04,520
Speaker 1: space and respecting each other's decisions, and it's just it

209
00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:07,400
Speaker 1: brings so much peace, Like it's just so much better

210
00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:09,360
Speaker 1: and I see that in this relationship that I have

211
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:13,040
Speaker 1: now with Emilia, because I thrive on being me, on

212
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:16,440
Speaker 1: being my individual self, of course, growing and becoming a

213
00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:20,760
Speaker 1: better me for my relationship, but not wanting to be

214
00:11:21,679 --> 00:11:24,720
Speaker 1: everything the other person wants me to be for the

215
00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:26,720
Speaker 1: sake of the relationship, if that makes sense, because those

216
00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,880
Speaker 1: are mistakes I made in the past in my relationships.

217
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:32,720
Speaker 1: I would stay in relationships that weren't good for me,

218
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:36,000
Speaker 1: and I knew it my gut, my intuition would tell me,

219
00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:37,480
Speaker 1: and I would just stay in the relationship for the

220
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:41,240
Speaker 1: sake of not being alone, of settling to settle, of

221
00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:46,720
Speaker 1: wanting to maybe even break generational curses like saying okay.

222
00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:49,400
Speaker 1: I would see and I watched my mom go from

223
00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:51,760
Speaker 1: relationship to relationship that I was like, okay, I want

224
00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:57,120
Speaker 1: to be different. That I was staying in relationships that

225
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,920
Speaker 1: weren't healthy for me and for the other person, either

226
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:03,439
Speaker 1: wanting to have control, like I was in a relationship

227
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,560
Speaker 1: and I'm not going to say who that was more

228
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:09,480
Speaker 1: controlling over me, like wanted to know everything I was

229
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,480
Speaker 1: doing at all times. I even think that sometimes he

230
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,440
Speaker 1: would have people follow me or he had some type

231
00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:17,319
Speaker 1: of track around me. It was crazy, but I stayed

232
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,440
Speaker 1: in that relationship because I felt like he was a

233
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:24,000
Speaker 1: protector and a provider the way my mom was. So

234
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:26,160
Speaker 1: there was something I needed to learn and heal through

235
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:30,000
Speaker 1: that relationship because I learned, as much as I'm grateful

236
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:33,320
Speaker 1: with that person, that's not healthy for someone to control

237
00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,320
Speaker 1: you that much, where it's like, oh, you're showing way

238
00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:37,400
Speaker 1: too much cleavage, go change, And I would go change,

239
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,640
Speaker 1: and I'm like, okay, But I knew in my heart

240
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,680
Speaker 1: like this doesn't feel like I want to be myself.

241
00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:44,360
Speaker 1: I'm still young, I want to be sexy, Like what

242
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,600
Speaker 1: the heck, you're not even my husband, dude, and you're

243
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:49,720
Speaker 1: like trying to control my whole life like everything, every aspect,

244
00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:52,320
Speaker 1: my career, everything. But again, I stayed in that relationship

245
00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:55,640
Speaker 1: for the sake of not being alone and because I

246
00:12:55,679 --> 00:12:58,160
Speaker 1: did feel protected and he was a provider and he

247
00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:00,200
Speaker 1: reminded me a lot of my mom. To be honest,

248
00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:04,079
Speaker 1: I just wanted that familiar feeling that my mom would

249
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:08,400
Speaker 1: give me. And then I got into another relationship where

250
00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:09,880
Speaker 1: it was like I felt a little bit more free.

251
00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:11,840
Speaker 1: I wasn't as control, that could be myself. I could

252
00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:18,200
Speaker 1: wear whatever I wanted. But he was a very free spirit,

253
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:21,480
Speaker 1: which is great, but he was into things that I

254
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:24,719
Speaker 1: wasn't into. I'm not gonna say what, but read my

255
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:27,800
Speaker 1: book if you want to know the details, Unstoppable. But

256
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:30,400
Speaker 1: he was just into things that I wasn't into, and

257
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:32,240
Speaker 1: he would do a lot of things that would make

258
00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:34,760
Speaker 1: me feel uncomfortable. So I was in this relationship where

259
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,080
Speaker 1: I felt a little bit more free than my previous relationship.

260
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:39,280
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, cool, I could just be myself

261
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,560
Speaker 1: and we're silly and we're like homies or whatever. But

262
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:44,280
Speaker 1: when it came down to real shit, real life stuff,

263
00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:47,360
Speaker 1: I couldn't depend on him. There was no emotional stability,

264
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,600
Speaker 1: and I knew it from the very beginning. And I

265
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,840
Speaker 1: saw many red flags in both relationships, and I would

266
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:55,320
Speaker 1: just ignore them because I was codependent, because I wanted

267
00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:57,840
Speaker 1: someone there, because I didn't want to be alone, because

268
00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:02,760
Speaker 1: I just wanted to make it work, and because he

269
00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:05,000
Speaker 1: would get lost and I couldn't find him for freaking

270
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,559
Speaker 1: hours and then he would tell me I'm gonna go

271
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:08,360
Speaker 1: to sleep, and then I would find out on Snapchat

272
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:10,679
Speaker 1: that he was out partying. That it was just it

273
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,200
Speaker 1: really caused a lot of insecurities in me that I

274
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:18,160
Speaker 1: had never experienced before. But I stayed in both relationships

275
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:22,000
Speaker 1: for over four years. I stayed because again codependency, you guys.

276
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:25,800
Speaker 1: But I ignored those damn red flags and that feeling in

277
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:28,560
Speaker 1: my gut that said, this isn't right. But I would

278
00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:31,600
Speaker 1: make excuses. Well, I mean we have fun together. I

279
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:33,800
Speaker 1: mean we party and like he's a great dancer and

280
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,000
Speaker 1: all this stuff. Like I would make excuses, but it's

281
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:40,120
Speaker 1: like all the pons would outweigh the pros, you know

282
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:42,000
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like all of like, wait, I have

283
00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:46,400
Speaker 1: fun with this person, he's entertaining. But when it comes

284
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,920
Speaker 1: down to me just sitting down and realizing am I

285
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:52,240
Speaker 1: really happy? It was always like no, I am so sad.

286
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:55,120
Speaker 1: I have so much anxiety. I can't sleep at night.

287
00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:59,080
Speaker 1: It was just stuff that now I realize is just

288
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,640
Speaker 1: not good. So going back to when my mom passed,

289
00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:04,200
Speaker 1: because I was in twenty twelve, and these relationships happen

290
00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:07,880
Speaker 1: mainly after my mom passed, so I was still I

291
00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:11,840
Speaker 1: think that was the beginning that lesson my mom wanted

292
00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:13,960
Speaker 1: me to learn was don't depend on anyone, because when

293
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:17,280
Speaker 1: she pulled everything right under me, like all my work

294
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:20,600
Speaker 1: and my job and basically my identity. That was like

295
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,840
Speaker 1: the beginning of it. But I still hadn't learned my lesson.

296
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,600
Speaker 1: So I had to go through these relationships to really

297
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:31,080
Speaker 1: really realize that loving yourself and being happy and fulfilled

298
00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:35,680
Speaker 1: with being alone is the most important thing. Learning that

299
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:40,720
Speaker 1: you don't need anyone. You shouldn't need anyone. It's wanting

300
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,520
Speaker 1: to have these people in your life, wanting to have

301
00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:48,120
Speaker 1: healthy friendships, wanting to have a healthy relationship, like I've

302
00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:51,280
Speaker 1: told Emilio, like I love you, but I don't need you.

303
00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:54,160
Speaker 1: I want you. I choose to have you in my life,

304
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:57,160
Speaker 1: and I want to be healthy for you. Because I'm

305
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:59,280
Speaker 1: not saying that they were all bad my past relationships

306
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:02,480
Speaker 1: because of certain things that happen, it would bring out

307
00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:04,480
Speaker 1: the worst in me. Anyone that brings out the worst

308
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:08,480
Speaker 1: in you, that's a red flag. Bottom line. The person

309
00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:10,720
Speaker 1: that you are with your friends, your family should bring

310
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,480
Speaker 1: out the best in you, should really like make you

311
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:17,320
Speaker 1: want to just be better for yourself and for your relationship,

312
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:19,600
Speaker 1: whether it be a love relationship a business relationship like

313
00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:21,680
Speaker 1: it is, they're supposed to bring out the best in you.

314
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:25,960
Speaker 1: Now I know that, but again, I'm grateful for my past,

315
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:29,560
Speaker 1: and again, I wasn't perfect. I made mistakes. I maybe

316
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:32,600
Speaker 1: suffocated a shit out of my relationships, especially like my

317
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:35,280
Speaker 1: past relationship, because I just I wanted to hold on

318
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,080
Speaker 1: and I'm like, dude, can you just see me? Like

319
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:38,840
Speaker 1: I really love you, I really want to make this work,

320
00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:40,440
Speaker 1: like I'm good for you, Like I want you to

321
00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:43,840
Speaker 1: be the best version of yourself. But you can't force it.

322
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:47,960
Speaker 1: You cannot control the shit out of someone and make

323
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,920
Speaker 1: them change if they're not ready to change, Like that's

324
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,640
Speaker 1: something they have to learn. And that's what I was like, Okay,

325
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:54,360
Speaker 1: I just have to let this person go and let

326
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:56,160
Speaker 1: them be free and live their life the way they

327
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:58,600
Speaker 1: want to live, and they will find a partner that's

328
00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:00,720
Speaker 1: gonna be okay with that. And I have to be

329
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:03,480
Speaker 1: okay with not being the right fit for him or

330
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:06,359
Speaker 1: forcing my foot in a shoe that just doesn't fit,

331
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:10,560
Speaker 1: because when you do that, what happens. Blisters happen, you're uncomfortable,

332
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:13,800
Speaker 1: your feet hurt. Like I had to give myself visuals

333
00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:15,440
Speaker 1: like that in order to just get it through my

334
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,000
Speaker 1: head until I said, I have to let go. As

335
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:19,800
Speaker 1: much as I love this person, I have to let

336
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,439
Speaker 1: this person go because it's just not healthy for me.

337
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:26,080
Speaker 1: And that's when I think in twenty twenty, was it, Yeah,

338
00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:28,480
Speaker 1: where it clicked, you guys, where I was like, I

339
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:31,920
Speaker 1: need to be alone. And I'm not saying that after

340
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,360
Speaker 1: that separation, I didn't get myself in any sticky situation,

341
00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:36,879
Speaker 1: because I did, and then it blew up in my

342
00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:38,600
Speaker 1: face and I was like, what the heck just for

343
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:40,960
Speaker 1: not being alone, for not really giving yourself the time

344
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,600
Speaker 1: to heal. And I learned. I learned again the hard way.

345
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:45,360
Speaker 1: So now I'm like, I'm tired of learning the hard way.

346
00:17:45,359 --> 00:17:47,080
Speaker 1: I got to learn the right way. I got to

347
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:52,359
Speaker 1: just start like learning my lessons and being smart and

348
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:55,679
Speaker 1: listening to my intuition and not ignoring that because it

349
00:17:55,720 --> 00:18:00,439
Speaker 1: has caused me so many freaking problems, unnecessary problems to

350
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:05,439
Speaker 1: ignore and ignore for the sake of not hurting people's

351
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:09,520
Speaker 1: feelings of getting their approval. That's another thing that I

352
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,280
Speaker 1: did with my mom, was like I wanted her approval

353
00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:14,760
Speaker 1: so much that I just didn't realize that I wasn't

354
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:19,840
Speaker 1: really living my true self because I was always seeking

355
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:23,320
Speaker 1: someone's approval and people pleasing. That's something that i've dealt

356
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:33,040
Speaker 1: with my whole life. Now it just feels great to

357
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,640
Speaker 1: be in a healthy relationship for the first time in

358
00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:39,719
Speaker 1: my life where I really desire because I learned from

359
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:43,440
Speaker 1: my past relationship that I cannot control him. I don't

360
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,680
Speaker 1: want to control him. I want him to be himself.

361
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:47,800
Speaker 1: I want him to go out with his friends. He has,

362
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:49,960
Speaker 1: like I've told you guys before, he has beautiful friends,

363
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:54,000
Speaker 1: beautiful best friends, female friends. He's a photographer. He photographs

364
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:57,320
Speaker 1: beautiful women. And I'm just like, well, it is what

365
00:18:57,359 --> 00:19:00,840
Speaker 1: it is. I cannot control he's gonna do. And if

366
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,800
Speaker 1: he's gonna do something stupid, then I leave it in

367
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:06,080
Speaker 1: God's hands that he will show me if he's doing

368
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:09,240
Speaker 1: anything bad so that I can excuse myself from this situation,

369
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,360
Speaker 1: from this relationship. And I have faith in that. And

370
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,480
Speaker 1: now I'm like, I'm not gonna torment my mind trying

371
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:16,480
Speaker 1: to see what he's doing and where he's at. And again,

372
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:18,760
Speaker 1: he doesn't give me those issues though. If he's gonna

373
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,040
Speaker 1: be out late, hey I'm out. I'll be home at

374
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:22,720
Speaker 1: this time. Like I never have to worry about that.

375
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:25,480
Speaker 1: I can't reach him. He also does his part, so

376
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,439
Speaker 1: I just feel like it also depends on the person

377
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:30,240
Speaker 1: that you're going to be with. When I'm talking about

378
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:33,119
Speaker 1: like a relationship, like a significant other, they need to

379
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:34,840
Speaker 1: be on the same page. And you're gonna know that

380
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,479
Speaker 1: right away, Like honestly, you're gonna know, Okay, is this

381
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:40,520
Speaker 1: person taking me seriously? Is this person really like on

382
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:43,439
Speaker 1: the same page? Do we want the same things? Like

383
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,200
Speaker 1: they're gonna put in the same amount of effort as

384
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:49,040
Speaker 1: you are. And I think that that's where I'm at finally,

385
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:52,800
Speaker 1: And I still want to be myself and I still

386
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,440
Speaker 1: want to do the things that make me happy, and

387
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:58,080
Speaker 1: I want to just be in a relationship to have

388
00:19:58,119 --> 00:20:00,840
Speaker 1: a companion for life and to do things with and

389
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,719
Speaker 1: experience things and go on trips and stuff like that,

390
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:07,600
Speaker 1: not because I need it, because I don't want to

391
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:11,320
Speaker 1: be alone. Like it's so different. It's just something just changed.

392
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:13,600
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I am tired of learning the hard way.

393
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:17,399
Speaker 1: I want to learn from my mistakes. I want to change,

394
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:19,920
Speaker 1: I want to be better. I want to not make

395
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:22,240
Speaker 1: the same mistakes I made in my past, especially in

396
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:25,760
Speaker 1: my relationship and my romantic relationships, because I want it

397
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:27,800
Speaker 1: to work. So what do I have to do different?

398
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:29,919
Speaker 1: There has to be some type of change and change.

399
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:33,600
Speaker 1: I always say this you guys, is not comfortable. It's

400
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:37,399
Speaker 1: not always easy. It's actually very uncomfortable when you are

401
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:41,000
Speaker 1: making a life change. Pain is a past or promotion.

402
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,880
Speaker 1: I have said that before, Like when you're going through it,

403
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:46,879
Speaker 1: it's like, Okay, this pain is going to turn into growth,

404
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:49,800
Speaker 1: is going to turn into power. This pain is going

405
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:53,520
Speaker 1: to turn into strength. And that's what I've learned. And

406
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,760
Speaker 1: that's just with romantic relationships. Now, with like my friendships,

407
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,239
Speaker 1: that's another thing. I felt like in order to keep

408
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,480
Speaker 1: my friends around and I needed to like pay for

409
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,640
Speaker 1: their things, and I was always the one that would

410
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:05,040
Speaker 1: pick up the bill. And now I'm like, no, I

411
00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:06,960
Speaker 1: want to have healthy relationships. I want to have friends

412
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:08,640
Speaker 1: that even if I don't call them every single day,

413
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:10,679
Speaker 1: it's not like, well, why haven't you called me? And

414
00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:13,520
Speaker 1: you know I had those type of friendships before, and

415
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,600
Speaker 1: me too, I was like that too. I'm like, okay,

416
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:17,400
Speaker 1: why didn't you call me and you didn't think about

417
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:19,800
Speaker 1: me and you didn't invite me. That's so childish. Now

418
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,199
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, we're grown. If I don't talk to

419
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,359
Speaker 1: my best friend in days, it's not like the world

420
00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:26,720
Speaker 1: is going to like be over, it's going to like

421
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:30,600
Speaker 1: freaking end. It's hey, she's busy, I'm busy. We'll catch

422
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:34,240
Speaker 1: up and we'll have dinner, and most importantly, we'll split

423
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:36,119
Speaker 1: the bill, because that's how it should be. It should

424
00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:38,240
Speaker 1: be fair. Sometimes yeah, hey, I'll pick up the bill,

425
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,040
Speaker 1: or she'll pick up the bill and like or we

426
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:42,800
Speaker 1: go fifty to fifty. But it's just like that has

427
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:44,920
Speaker 1: changed as well, and I feel so much happier. I've

428
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:50,840
Speaker 1: learned to just really release even family members that are

429
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:53,600
Speaker 1: not good for me from my heart. And I'm not

430
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:57,160
Speaker 1: trying to seek anyone's approval and I'm not even trying

431
00:21:57,280 --> 00:22:00,520
Speaker 1: to have their negative opinions or what I should shouldn't

432
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,760
Speaker 1: be doing in my life. It's what I'm meant to do.

433
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:05,399
Speaker 1: And if you are not going to align with that

434
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:07,840
Speaker 1: and make me happy, and you're causing me more like

435
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:10,760
Speaker 1: stress by you know what I mean, And I am

436
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,960
Speaker 1: unapologetic about that for a long time. I'm like, no,

437
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:16,240
Speaker 1: I have to like stay close to my family and

438
00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 1: all that toxic loyalty that we've talked about in previous episodes,

439
00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:22,560
Speaker 1: and I'm so much happier. You guys just saying we

440
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:25,200
Speaker 1: got to live and let live and it's okay if

441
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:30,080
Speaker 1: people love you differently than you love And even with

442
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:31,920
Speaker 1: my siblings, I'm telling you, we were talking about it

443
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:33,439
Speaker 1: the other day and we were just like, you know what.

444
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,359
Speaker 1: As the eldest sister, I know that I put a

445
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:39,359
Speaker 1: lot of pressure on you guys, and I've been very like,

446
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:41,600
Speaker 1: we have to stay together, and yes, that's a promise

447
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:44,119
Speaker 1: I made to my mother. Yes we have to stay together.

448
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:46,080
Speaker 1: And if we have issues and we have disagreements or

449
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:52,640
Speaker 1: it's going to happen, because God, everyone has their opinions

450
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:56,399
Speaker 1: and everyone is like very strong willed. All of my

451
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:59,240
Speaker 1: siblings are. We all are. But I have to allow

452
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:02,200
Speaker 1: them to still process their feelings and not force anything.

453
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:05,439
Speaker 1: And I apologize to them and I'm like, Okay, I

454
00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:07,640
Speaker 1: don't want to be that type of sister. I want

455
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:10,800
Speaker 1: you guys to feel free to be yourselves, to be

456
00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:14,639
Speaker 1: your individual self and not feel like you have to

457
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:16,520
Speaker 1: hide anything from me because you're going to disappoint me.

458
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,800
Speaker 1: Because maybe I did put some pressure on them. It's

459
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:20,240
Speaker 1: kind of like a second mom to them. So now

460
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,080
Speaker 1: I'm like, I want to be the sister I want

461
00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:24,159
Speaker 1: you guys to come to me, and I want to

462
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:28,000
Speaker 1: be able to guide you and not feel like we're

463
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:30,880
Speaker 1: just freaking tied to the hip. And yeah, and we're

464
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,960
Speaker 1: all happier and it's better. So my point with this

465
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:37,879
Speaker 1: whole codependency episode, more than anything, is for you guys,

466
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:41,960
Speaker 1: to realize if perhaps some of the things I've mentioned

467
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:45,240
Speaker 1: you are doing or have done, or you recognize someone

468
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:49,119
Speaker 1: else's doing, because it's not healthy. I'm telling you long term,

469
00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:52,280
Speaker 1: it's just no matter what type of relationship it is,

470
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:54,159
Speaker 1: there's no way that it's going to work. It's just

471
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:58,680
Speaker 1: we're not meant as human beings to be that tied

472
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:03,560
Speaker 1: and intertwined. We are here to figure out who we are,

473
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:05,919
Speaker 1: what we're meant to be, who we're meant to be,

474
00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:09,760
Speaker 1: what we're meant to do, what we're meant to change.

475
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:13,840
Speaker 1: We are here to live our life, and every relationship

476
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:17,119
Speaker 1: should be a compliment to your life, not I need

477
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:20,000
Speaker 1: you in order to be who I am and to

478
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:23,720
Speaker 1: accomplish what I'm going to accomplish. And I'm not saying

479
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:29,159
Speaker 1: that I'm fixed forever, because there are times when i

480
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:33,919
Speaker 1: feel like I'm going into my toxic traits, especially in

481
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:37,920
Speaker 1: my relationship and since I recognize it now and I

482
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,720
Speaker 1: know the things I want to change and the things

483
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:43,680
Speaker 1: that I don't like about myself. Now it's like it's

484
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:48,560
Speaker 1: clear obviously through reading books, through my therapy, like it's

485
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:51,480
Speaker 1: helped me recognize it, and through my past mistakes where

486
00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, I don't want to do that again.

487
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:56,399
Speaker 1: What I do now is I'm like, you know what,

488
00:24:56,480 --> 00:25:00,119
Speaker 1: let me excuse myself from this argument, go think and

489
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:02,919
Speaker 1: come back and apologize. Now, I'm like, you know what,

490
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:04,920
Speaker 1: I don't like how I'm acting. I don't have peace

491
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:08,439
Speaker 1: with it because sometimes the ego will take over. You guys,

492
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:12,520
Speaker 1: that's just we all have it. We all have to

493
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:14,760
Speaker 1: work at it every single day to not let it

494
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:19,000
Speaker 1: take over. Because the ego is dark, you know what

495
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:21,159
Speaker 1: I mean, so that you have to really fill it

496
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:24,160
Speaker 1: with light every single day because if not, it will

497
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:29,080
Speaker 1: take over. So I now ask myself to just relax.

498
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:31,679
Speaker 1: I take a deep breath, and I'm like, okay, hold on,

499
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:34,800
Speaker 1: I don't like this. I recognize that this is a

500
00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:37,199
Speaker 1: negative trait that I don't like, and I don't like

501
00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:40,600
Speaker 1: how it makes me feel that. I'm like, okay, I'm

502
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:44,360
Speaker 1: going to humble myself and apologize if I have hurt

503
00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:47,920
Speaker 1: someone's feelings, if I have said something out of line.

504
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:51,359
Speaker 1: So it all depends what your negative trait is, but

505
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:54,679
Speaker 1: it's for sure super important to recognize them and know

506
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:58,920
Speaker 1: I want to change. I want to be different. And

507
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:03,399
Speaker 1: here goes a word again, be intentional in saying, Okay,

508
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,359
Speaker 1: every day, I'm gonna strive to be different. I'm going

509
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:08,200
Speaker 1: to strive to be better. I want to be better,

510
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:12,480
Speaker 1: you know. So it's in everyday thing, guys, And don't

511
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:15,480
Speaker 1: beat yourself up about it. If you are like going

512
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:20,760
Speaker 1: through the process of breaking chains and breaking past traumas

513
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:25,159
Speaker 1: or codependency or people pleasing like it's okay, It's gonna

514
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:27,760
Speaker 1: take time and it's gonna take a few mistakes in

515
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:30,480
Speaker 1: order for you to really like for it to click,

516
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:33,600
Speaker 1: and for you to say, hey, I'm gonna stop this

517
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:37,639
Speaker 1: because this is not making me happy or making anyone

518
00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:41,680
Speaker 1: around me happy. And I always say it, the only

519
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:44,640
Speaker 1: way that I can help you, guys, is by being

520
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:48,320
Speaker 1: honest and vulnerable and transparent. And this is what chegese

521
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:50,840
Speaker 1: and chill is all about. So even if somebody y'all

522
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:55,280
Speaker 1: thought I was perfect, uh uh, I have really done

523
00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:57,920
Speaker 1: the work, and I'm very proud of myself and every

524
00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:01,080
Speaker 1: day I'm like, I want to be better, I want

525
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:03,119
Speaker 1: to change for the better. I want to be the

526
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,480
Speaker 1: best version of myself. Like that's one of the things

527
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:08,080
Speaker 1: that I pray about and I meditate on every single day.

528
00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:10,640
Speaker 1: It's gonna be something that we're gonna work on every

529
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,080
Speaker 1: single day. The best advice I can give you, guys,

530
00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:14,560
Speaker 1: from the bottom of my heart. And I don't know

531
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:16,640
Speaker 1: why I felt it, but I felt like I needed

532
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:19,520
Speaker 1: to talk about this topic. I hope you all learned

533
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:21,560
Speaker 1: a lot from this episode and that some of the

534
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:24,920
Speaker 1: things I said resonate with you. And just a reminder,

535
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,080
Speaker 1: I'm not a doctor or a professional of any kind,

536
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:29,840
Speaker 1: you guys. This is just my story about codependency and

537
00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:32,160
Speaker 1: what it looks like in my life and how I've

538
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:34,480
Speaker 1: done the work to become a better and stronger version

539
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,280
Speaker 1: of myself. And before we go, I want to leave

540
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:39,879
Speaker 1: you all with some words to get through the week.

541
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 1: Today's motivational quote is vulnerability is terrifying. The courage it

542
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:53,000
Speaker 1: takes to reveal your heart is one of the most

543
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:58,080
Speaker 1: daunting and yet rewarding experiences in your life. It will

544
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:01,040
Speaker 1: set you free. I hope that you like that quote

545
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:03,359
Speaker 1: and it helps you throughout the week. And that's it you, guys,

546
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:06,520
Speaker 1: We've reached the end of today's episode. We'll be back

547
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 1: on Wednesday with an episode of Dear Cheeky's, so be

548
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:11,159
Speaker 1: sure to tune in to see if I answered your

549
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:14,480
Speaker 1: question this week. I love you, guys, and I appreciate

550
00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:16,200
Speaker 1: you each and every single one of you from the

551
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:24,240
Speaker 1: bottom of my heart. Do you need advice on love, relationships,

552
00:28:24,359 --> 00:28:27,600
Speaker 1: health emails? I'm so excited to share with you that

553
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:30,439
Speaker 1: my Cheeky's and Chill podcast will have an extra episode

554
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:34,080
Speaker 1: drop each week. I'll be answering all your questions.

555
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:39,640
Speaker 2: Just leave me a voice message person on Monday. All

556
00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:42,080
Speaker 2: you have to do is go to speak pipe dot com,

557
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 2: slash Cheeky's and Chill Podcast and record your questions.

558
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 1: I can't wait to hear from you. This is a

559
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 1: production of iHeartRadio and the Michaudura podcast Network. Follow us

560
00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:58,760
Speaker 1: on Instagram at Michael Dura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's

561
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:02,959
Speaker 1: That's c Chi to u s. For more podcasts from iHeart,

562
00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:06,720
Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen

563
00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:09,760
Speaker 1: to your favorite podcast and check us out on YouTube.

564
00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:12,160
Speaker 2: H