1 00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:05,640 Speaker 1: This is John. This is the mmmmm okay Storytime podcast hosts, 2 00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:09,840 Speaker 1: and we have some oh story is coming up for you. 3 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:12,160 Speaker 2: That's right. But before that, we have a little morsel 4 00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:14,160 Speaker 2: of a two minute at break from the sponsors keeping 5 00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:15,400 Speaker 2: the show delicious. 6 00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:20,079 Speaker 3: Hmmm, my husband demanded I get plastic surgery on my 7 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:21,040 Speaker 3: belly button. 8 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:22,320 Speaker 1: Continue. 9 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:25,400 Speaker 3: My husband has asked multiple times if I would be 10 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:27,880 Speaker 3: open to get plastic surgery to fix how my belly 11 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:32,680 Speaker 3: button looks after having three kids. Immediately he's the ale, yeah, immediately, 12 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:36,919 Speaker 3: you're great. By the way, this comes from Throwaway Holland 13 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,239 Speaker 3: on the r slash Okay Storytime sub bredd it. So 14 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,040 Speaker 3: I have always been in good shape and I'm happy 15 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,320 Speaker 3: with how I look now. I understand what he's saying, 16 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:46,760 Speaker 3: but that's just how my body is going to look 17 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:47,920 Speaker 3: now that I have had kids. 18 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:51,080 Speaker 1: Maybe from his perspective, he's like, I'm only asking you 19 00:00:51,159 --> 00:00:53,360 Speaker 1: to change your belly button. I'm not asking you to 20 00:00:53,479 --> 00:00:54,600 Speaker 1: change anything crazy. 21 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,440 Speaker 3: It's only go asking you to change your face. But 22 00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:58,760 Speaker 3: if you wanted to, I would be open today. 23 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:02,360 Speaker 1: I just can't stand your navel God and maybe other 24 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:04,200 Speaker 1: parts of you that I haven't told you. Well, we'll 25 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:04,840 Speaker 1: work up to those. 26 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, I work out, have a healthy body fat percentage, 27 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:10,319 Speaker 3: and no amount of diet or exercise is going to 28 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:13,360 Speaker 3: take away the fact that I've had three pregnancies. He 29 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 3: brought it up again with friends at dinner last night, 30 00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:21,120 Speaker 3: and I felt incredibly embarrassed. Oh my god, here in 31 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:24,800 Speaker 3: front of people in public talking about your body. 32 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:28,360 Speaker 1: Maybe they're all like plastic surgery adjacent friends. 33 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:31,640 Speaker 3: I respect people who get plastic surgery because it makes 34 00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:33,880 Speaker 3: them feel better, but this would be something I purely 35 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:36,000 Speaker 3: did for him, and honestly, I'm not even sure if 36 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:39,920 Speaker 3: it's possible. He's like, I'd like to invent a new surgery. 37 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:41,959 Speaker 1: I'm gonna make you the experiment. 38 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,959 Speaker 3: I'm not expecting miracle advice here, but I'd really appreciate 39 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,200 Speaker 3: the ideas on how I can put into words what 40 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:50,640 Speaker 3: I'm feeling. How can I explain what he's saying is 41 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:53,320 Speaker 3: so hurtful in simple language? What are some of the 42 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:55,520 Speaker 3: metaphors I could use with him so he understands what 43 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:57,640 Speaker 3: it would be like me saying, is it fair to 44 00:01:57,680 --> 00:01:59,800 Speaker 3: consider at least going to a plastic surgeon to find 45 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:02,880 Speaker 3: out more? Anyone had a similar type of conversation with 46 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:05,240 Speaker 3: their husband and there is an update before. But I 47 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:07,880 Speaker 3: think that if it is not something that you thought 48 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:11,320 Speaker 3: of yourself, and someone else is putting this in your mind, 49 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:12,640 Speaker 3: you shouldn't do it. 50 00:02:12,639 --> 00:02:15,160 Speaker 1: It's totally fair to if it's not coming from you, 51 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:17,640 Speaker 1: to be like, there's no necessity for me to do this. 52 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,639 Speaker 3: You weren't thinking about it at all. It would literally 53 00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:23,799 Speaker 3: just be to appease him. And in this case, he 54 00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:25,240 Speaker 3: has no right to ask that. 55 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:28,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, but clearly, I mean, man, it must just really bother. 56 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:31,480 Speaker 1: Can you imagine being that guy to where at the 57 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:33,960 Speaker 1: point where you're trying to like get your friends to 58 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,639 Speaker 1: take your side of being like, yeah, weird, messed up 59 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:37,720 Speaker 1: belly button. 60 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:40,239 Speaker 3: He's like, babe, babe, show him your belly button. 61 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:43,280 Speaker 1: Hey, flash him the messed up belly button that you got. Yeah. Yeah, 62 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:44,799 Speaker 1: don't get to agree with me. I don't want him 63 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,639 Speaker 1: to think I'm crazy, babe. 64 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:47,080 Speaker 2: Come on. 65 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:50,600 Speaker 3: And the friends are like, this is weird. Slyly Toad 66 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:53,280 Speaker 3: says this might be a full on Tommy Tuck situation. 67 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,600 Speaker 3: That's not a small surgery, Like does he think it's 68 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,040 Speaker 3: a quick fix like botox? 69 00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:57,520 Speaker 4: Yeah? 70 00:02:57,560 --> 00:02:58,520 Speaker 3: I don't know what he's thinking. 71 00:02:58,520 --> 00:02:59,919 Speaker 1: Man, Amanda had the right take. 72 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:03,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, because she was asking for some metaphors. Just tell 73 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:04,920 Speaker 3: him to get you know, his stuff fixed. 74 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:08,639 Speaker 1: Maybe you need a bigger willie, a bigger will. Where 75 00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:09,720 Speaker 1: there's a will, there's a way. 76 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:11,840 Speaker 3: But there is an update, so let's get into it. 77 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:15,440 Speaker 3: First off, I am overwhelmed by the amount of comments 78 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,119 Speaker 3: and feedback. Thank you so much for the community who, 79 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:22,480 Speaker 3: for the most part, took my concerns seriously and provided kind, thoughtful, 80 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:26,800 Speaker 3: helpful feedback. To provide an update, I confronted my husband 81 00:03:26,919 --> 00:03:29,560 Speaker 3: last night about his comments. He agreed that saying that 82 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:32,799 Speaker 3: in public was inappropriate, and he accepts they were far 83 00:03:32,919 --> 00:03:33,520 Speaker 3: out of line. 84 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:37,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, out of line is correct, that's wild. 85 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:39,760 Speaker 3: He admitted that he's struggling with his own self image 86 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,600 Speaker 3: and that's part of the problem. Well, like, that's a 87 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 3: separate issue that you should not be projecting. He also 88 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:48,440 Speaker 3: admitted that he's struggling with how my body has changed. Yeah, 89 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:51,280 Speaker 3: so you almost had something there, and then you went back. 90 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:55,320 Speaker 1: You fumbled the bag at the goal line. Dude, you 91 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:56,920 Speaker 1: were almost about to sound cute. 92 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,880 Speaker 3: Almost there. He basically wishes I still looked like I 93 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 3: in my twenties. So Opius thirty eight now it's been 94 00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:05,960 Speaker 3: eighteen years, it's not gonna look like a twenty year old, 95 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,360 Speaker 3: and is frustrated that I don't. You did not think 96 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:10,960 Speaker 3: that the belly was pregnancy related. He thought I had 97 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:14,160 Speaker 3: let myself go. This man needs to read If you 98 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:17,440 Speaker 3: are a you know, person who is not going through 99 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:20,640 Speaker 3: the pregnancy, you need to read up on everything that 100 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:22,920 Speaker 3: your partner is going to go through. You know, whoever's 101 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:24,839 Speaker 3: given the birth, you need to read up and what 102 00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:26,680 Speaker 3: it's gonna do their body, how it's gonna affect their 103 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:29,320 Speaker 3: mental health, all that jazz, so that you can properly 104 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:30,120 Speaker 3: be there for them. 105 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:31,840 Speaker 1: You don't want to be the guy who's like, I 106 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:35,480 Speaker 1: had no pregnancy affected your body like that. I thought 107 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:36,560 Speaker 1: you were just a slob. 108 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,839 Speaker 3: He said. He still loves me, but feels like his 109 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:42,920 Speaker 3: preferences haven't changed. My body has I cried a lot. 110 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:45,880 Speaker 3: This isn't the man I married. We've agreed to go 111 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:48,600 Speaker 3: to couples counseling. I feel pretty numb, to be honest, 112 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:52,040 Speaker 3: I never ever would have thought our marriage had major problems. 113 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:54,000 Speaker 3: I don't want to make this political, but I do 114 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:56,880 Speaker 3: think he's been sucked into a vortex of podcasts and 115 00:04:57,000 --> 00:05:00,280 Speaker 3: YouTubers who don't have a very positive perspective on women 116 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:02,800 Speaker 3: in general. Oh boy, I don't know if that's what political. 117 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:03,559 Speaker 3: It's just true. 118 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,839 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's like people call it political, but 119 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:09,040 Speaker 1: now it's more like the social politics. So three kids 120 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:11,279 Speaker 1: with this woman and you're gonna be like, honestly, babe, 121 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,640 Speaker 1: you're looking kind of gross and I'm a hot quality man. 122 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:15,080 Speaker 1: I think God deserve better than this. 123 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:19,440 Speaker 3: It's ridiculous, juice. Yeah, No, honestly, I think counseling makes sense. 124 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:22,800 Speaker 3: But divorce is maybe on the horizon in this situation. Yes, 125 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:25,760 Speaker 3: we'll be voting for opposite parties, and honestly, I think 126 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:27,800 Speaker 3: that does play a role. The word I'm looking for 127 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:30,560 Speaker 3: is resentful. It feels like he resents me sometimes. I 128 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:33,000 Speaker 3: still love my husband. I think he still loves me. 129 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,280 Speaker 3: Marriage is hard work. I still think my husband is 130 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:38,960 Speaker 3: in there somewhere. God knows I love him more every 131 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:41,960 Speaker 3: day we're together. Maybe he can get there too. I'm 132 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,599 Speaker 3: not gonna give up. Our kids deserve this. I want 133 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,599 Speaker 3: to fight because I think I'm worth it. I'm pretty 134 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:49,680 Speaker 3: hurt though. Thanks for the love and support. God bless 135 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:52,680 Speaker 3: and there are some relevant comments to end this story off. 136 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:54,880 Speaker 3: I mean, it seems like one, it's him, he just 137 00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:58,160 Speaker 3: has an awful personality. He's probably also listening to people, 138 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,280 Speaker 3: you know, talk online and on the news. 139 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,800 Speaker 1: She said, Oh, this is not the husband that I married. 140 00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:04,919 Speaker 1: It's not the man I knew. 141 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:07,000 Speaker 3: Well, I do think, I mean, like not to go 142 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,200 Speaker 3: into like too many specifics, but I do think that 143 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:13,080 Speaker 3: we are seeing a lot of content both on the 144 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:15,800 Speaker 3: news and on like YouTube and social media and stuff 145 00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:19,720 Speaker 3: where men are very comfortable speaking about women's bodies and 146 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:22,880 Speaker 3: being very like hyper critical and then not really having 147 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:25,720 Speaker 3: a lot of pushback against that. And so I feel 148 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:27,719 Speaker 3: like if she's saying that he's, you know, watching that 149 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,000 Speaker 3: kind of stuff, it makes sense. 150 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,440 Speaker 1: It feels too like he's like trying to preserve this 151 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,800 Speaker 1: like this youth that he had because now they're in 152 00:06:33,839 --> 00:06:36,520 Speaker 1: their late thirties and he's trying to be like, oh, 153 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:41,119 Speaker 1: but I'm gonna act like I'm twenty two, being like, uh. 154 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:43,160 Speaker 4: You're not hot enough for me, babe, You're not hot 155 00:06:43,279 --> 00:06:43,760 Speaker 4: enough anymore. 156 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:44,440 Speaker 3: I'm gonna leave. 157 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:46,360 Speaker 1: Well, I guess he didn't say he's gonna leave, but 158 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,240 Speaker 1: I mean, I guess that's what else are you gonna do? 159 00:06:48,279 --> 00:06:51,320 Speaker 1: That's the implication. Yeah, like you get hotter, you get 160 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:55,000 Speaker 1: hotter now, or I leave man, leave. 161 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,080 Speaker 3: Grow backwards, be twenty again. 162 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:59,640 Speaker 1: Come on, I thought I married Benjamina Button. 163 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,000 Speaker 3: I thought that you were gonna be ugly when you 164 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,279 Speaker 3: were a baby, and then you were gonna get hot. 165 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,640 Speaker 1: God a hot old lady. 166 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:10,440 Speaker 3: But there are some relevant comments. Wildlife policy chick says 167 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:13,440 Speaker 3: he brought this up in public in front of others. 168 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,280 Speaker 3: Oh my god, if it was me, there would be 169 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,360 Speaker 3: hell to pay for that. So since you kept telling 170 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:21,000 Speaker 3: him no, he decides to raise the stakes by humiliating 171 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,560 Speaker 3: you in front of friends. 172 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:27,880 Speaker 1: And you'd be humiliated if you didn't join us every 173 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:31,640 Speaker 1: weekday alive on YouTube at three pm Pacific Standard time 174 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:32,080 Speaker 1: and not. 175 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:35,880 Speaker 3: Kal Mar says, I'm so sorry. It's awful. I admire 176 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,160 Speaker 3: you for standing strong and feeling good about your body 177 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,680 Speaker 3: despite it all, as you should, no matter how it 178 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:44,040 Speaker 3: actually looked. But I suspect you anyway look great. Don't 179 00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:46,720 Speaker 3: let him and his red pill content break your spirit. 180 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,840 Speaker 3: I don't know what kind of hotties he thinks his 181 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,880 Speaker 3: middle aged but could get if he was single or divorced. 182 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:54,680 Speaker 3: But he is in for a rough awakening. Yeah, and 183 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:56,840 Speaker 3: he doesn't even have a good personality to make up 184 00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:58,400 Speaker 3: for his lack of looks. 185 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:02,280 Speaker 1: He is the personality of a wet towel, uninformed fifteen 186 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:02,720 Speaker 1: year old. 187 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,960 Speaker 3: Yes, my god, and for what the thing is, I 188 00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:08,400 Speaker 3: would get a nick so major about his character deficit 189 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:10,920 Speaker 3: and be so appalled about what all of this says 190 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,160 Speaker 3: about him. I doubt I would ever want to be 191 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,680 Speaker 3: intimate ever again. I truly think this would be it 192 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,920 Speaker 3: for me, and I'm not one to give up easy. 193 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,880 Speaker 3: You know the statistics about cancer and divorce rates. Men 194 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:24,240 Speaker 3: leave their sick wives six times more likely than the reverse. 195 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:26,080 Speaker 3: You think he would stick with you if your hair 196 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:28,680 Speaker 3: falls out in clumps and missecto me. He can't even 197 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:31,120 Speaker 3: handle a freaking belly button. And life is long and 198 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:35,160 Speaker 3: hard and aging and illness comes for us all a plan. Accordingly, 199 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,880 Speaker 3: he showed you who he is or who he became. 200 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:41,080 Speaker 3: It sucks all around. Counseling is a good idea last 201 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:43,200 Speaker 3: ditch effort, and even if it doesn't work, you will 202 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:44,640 Speaker 3: know that at least you gave it your all. I 203 00:08:44,679 --> 00:08:46,679 Speaker 3: wish you all the best, and that is the end. 204 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:50,200 Speaker 3: I think one. Counseling is always good because they have kids. 205 00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:52,680 Speaker 3: For the kids, yeah, you should always have counseling just 206 00:08:52,679 --> 00:08:54,560 Speaker 3: to be good co parents even if you divorce. 207 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:56,079 Speaker 1: The children are our future. 208 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 3: Divorce is a good idea because I think I agree 209 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:01,200 Speaker 3: with that commenter of like this is his reaction to 210 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:05,040 Speaker 3: her body changing now just after kids. I mean, thirty 211 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:08,120 Speaker 3: eight is not old. It's like, you know, you still 212 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:10,800 Speaker 3: look fairly young. How is that going to change as 213 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:12,480 Speaker 3: she gets older? Is he going to cheat on her? 214 00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:14,400 Speaker 3: You know? Is he gonna leave her later? 215 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:16,960 Speaker 1: I mean also, I mean, how good looking is this guy? 216 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:18,800 Speaker 1: Is he going to be like one of those like, 217 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,640 Speaker 1: you know, like Robert de Niro he's eighty six years 218 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:24,559 Speaker 1: old having kids, Like he's like, it's just what I do. 219 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:27,320 Speaker 1: I don't know, but I will say that last comment, 220 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:30,080 Speaker 1: really that did strike accord with me, because it's true. 221 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:33,480 Speaker 1: It's like if he's willing to sort of press the 222 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:36,240 Speaker 1: issue on this or it's like not even pressing the issue. 223 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:38,800 Speaker 1: But it's more of like if this is his perspective, yes, 224 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:42,040 Speaker 1: this age right, forty four, he totally could be the 225 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:45,280 Speaker 1: person who's like, you know, babe, I know you have cancer, 226 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:47,480 Speaker 1: but it's really hard for me to deal with it, 227 00:09:47,559 --> 00:09:50,000 Speaker 1: so I'm gonna leave. Yeah, and you don't want to 228 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:53,880 Speaker 1: be with somebody like that. My husband accused me of 229 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:57,880 Speaker 1: getting plastic surgery because I look better than him. He's 230 00:09:58,000 --> 00:09:59,640 Speaker 1: jealous of his own hot wife. 231 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:03,120 Speaker 3: I know you got plastic surgery on that belly button. 232 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:03,760 Speaker 3: I know. 233 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,640 Speaker 1: Show me that belly button before and after. I let 234 00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:09,680 Speaker 1: me take it, let me examine. Okay, this is a 235 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:12,040 Speaker 1: bit of an odd situation that has been brewing for 236 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:14,120 Speaker 1: about a month or so. My husband and I are 237 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:16,719 Speaker 1: the same age. I look young for my age. I'm 238 00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:20,120 Speaker 1: not bragging. I'm just aware of this, and I've had 239 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,200 Speaker 1: many people tell me this or assume I'm in my 240 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:23,000 Speaker 1: early twenties. 241 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:26,720 Speaker 3: I'm really hoping that I get my parents aging. Presumably 242 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:30,720 Speaker 3: I would, but I'm really hoping because they've aged freaking well. 243 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:32,720 Speaker 1: I've got some good aging jeans as well. And I 244 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:34,600 Speaker 1: hated it in high school because everyone said I looked 245 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:36,480 Speaker 1: like a little Yeah, everyone said I look like a baby, 246 00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:39,040 Speaker 1: little baby, and I did, but now I still kind 247 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:39,920 Speaker 1: of do up. 248 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:43,199 Speaker 3: Until I turned this age, everyone thought I was like twelve. 249 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:46,680 Speaker 1: It's nice, I mean, now it's nice. Yeah, Now I'll 250 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:49,800 Speaker 1: take it. My husband doesn't look old, but he does 251 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:51,880 Speaker 1: look his age and this is not a bad thing, 252 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:54,000 Speaker 1: and it all boils down to genetics, as my parents 253 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,400 Speaker 1: didn't start looking older or getting wrinkles until they were 254 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:58,600 Speaker 1: in their fifties, same with most of my family. 255 00:10:58,880 --> 00:10:59,200 Speaker 2: Damn. 256 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:03,200 Speaker 1: And by the way, this comes from a user thorau 257 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:09,119 Speaker 1: are a aging issues on the RK storytime subreddit. Recently, 258 00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:13,120 Speaker 1: he has become very passive aggressive due to this fact, 259 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:16,320 Speaker 1: the fact that I look good and he looks old. 260 00:11:16,679 --> 00:11:18,840 Speaker 1: He has even accused me of going behind his back 261 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:22,240 Speaker 1: to get surgery or treatments to look younger than him 262 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:25,520 Speaker 1: on purpose to make him look bad. We literally had 263 00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:28,880 Speaker 1: an argument that lasted over three days and ended with 264 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:32,560 Speaker 1: him not speaking to me for a full day because 265 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:35,760 Speaker 1: he had convinced himself that I was going behind his 266 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:40,800 Speaker 1: back to get filler slash botox, slash laser treatments. ETTC. 267 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:44,400 Speaker 1: I have never had any work done at all. I 268 00:11:44,559 --> 00:11:46,959 Speaker 1: just look like this and he does not like it. 269 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,840 Speaker 1: Jealous of your own hot wife was not on my 270 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:52,480 Speaker 1: bingo card today, Like yeah, it's. 271 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:53,800 Speaker 3: Like you should be like, oh my god, my wife 272 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:54,760 Speaker 3: is so freaking hot. 273 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,040 Speaker 1: You should be like, oh, you didn't have work done 274 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:00,800 Speaker 1: oh is hot? 275 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:03,640 Speaker 4: Oh look at my hot wife day? 276 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:05,840 Speaker 3: Where is that? Where is that energy? 277 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:09,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not there. He's just jelly. So yesterday his 278 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:13,079 Speaker 1: sister came over. She got married about two months ago ish, 279 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:15,920 Speaker 1: and came over to show us some of the wedding pictures. 280 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:18,440 Speaker 1: My husband and I were in some of these pictures, 281 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,400 Speaker 1: and as soon as he saw one with both of 282 00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:23,920 Speaker 1: us in it, he shut down, left the room and 283 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:26,680 Speaker 1: told his sister to get the f out of his house. 284 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:28,920 Speaker 1: I feel I don't know who I feel worse for, 285 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,920 Speaker 1: like the sister or the wife in this situation. She's 286 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:35,640 Speaker 1: swing wedding pictures to her family and then he's just like, leave, 287 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:39,200 Speaker 1: get out of my house. It was very odd. We're 288 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:41,280 Speaker 1: both a bit startled and tried to calm him down, 289 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:44,280 Speaker 1: but he just blew up even more and screamed in 290 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:47,640 Speaker 1: her face to get out, so she did. I got 291 00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:50,800 Speaker 1: angry and asked him what his problem is, and he 292 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:53,440 Speaker 1: went off on a whole rant about how it's not 293 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:56,320 Speaker 1: fair that I look half his age and that women 294 00:12:56,360 --> 00:13:00,000 Speaker 1: are supposed to age like milk. No idea what this means. 295 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,040 Speaker 1: I'll tell you what it means. It means that women 296 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:06,720 Speaker 1: are supposed to get all chunky and gross. That's so rude, 297 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:09,760 Speaker 1: like milk when you leave it out. That's not even true, 298 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:13,800 Speaker 1: while men are supposed to age like fine wine. Jennifer Lopez, anybody, 299 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:14,720 Speaker 1: I think. 300 00:13:14,559 --> 00:13:17,040 Speaker 3: This is okay, really quick, because there's more to the strain. 301 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,640 Speaker 3: I think this is just a perception. Men and women 302 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,760 Speaker 3: don't age. I mean, you know, unless you're different genetics 303 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:25,520 Speaker 3: and stuff. But like across the board, we don't age 304 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:29,960 Speaker 3: that much differently. There is just a higher standard for 305 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:33,880 Speaker 3: women to age, like to not age basically like men 306 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:34,559 Speaker 3: are allowed to look. 307 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:37,400 Speaker 1: Yes, actually it's super true. It's like men can like 308 00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:40,079 Speaker 1: get older and it's like, oh what the silver fox. 309 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:42,920 Speaker 3: And then and then we see women, you know who 310 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:45,040 Speaker 3: like a lot of people are very critical of women 311 00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:47,120 Speaker 3: who older, women who get like botox and stuff, and 312 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,280 Speaker 3: so they do look not necessarily like they don't always 313 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:53,160 Speaker 3: look super natural, and so there people are really critical 314 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,920 Speaker 3: of that, even though society has literally said you can't age. 315 00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:58,840 Speaker 1: It's a lose lose. It's a lose lose for older women, 316 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:03,480 Speaker 1: it really is. I told him this was a ridiculous 317 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:07,080 Speaker 1: way of thinking, since a lot of aging processes have 318 00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:10,080 Speaker 1: to do with genetics or lifestyle, so it doesn't even 319 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:13,680 Speaker 1: make sense to expect everyone of a specific gender to 320 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,320 Speaker 1: age the same way. Yeah, I'm feeling like this guy 321 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:17,959 Speaker 1: got red pilled, Yes. 322 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,800 Speaker 3: Except he got like opposite red pilled. So he was like, 323 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,440 Speaker 3: my wife is ugly, and this guy's like, my wife's 324 00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:23,880 Speaker 3: too hot. 325 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:28,960 Speaker 1: He watched a satirical video and took it like deeply, just. 326 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:30,520 Speaker 3: Right, my wife is too hot. 327 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:33,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, my wife's too hot. Help me. He kind of 328 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,600 Speaker 1: refused to listen to me at this point and has 329 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:38,440 Speaker 1: now become obsessed with looking into plastic surgery and face 330 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:42,280 Speaker 1: lips and keeps passively aggressively asking me how much mind 331 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:44,680 Speaker 1: cost and where I got mine? Leave him because this 332 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:48,000 Speaker 1: is wild behavior. He is being very cruel and keeps 333 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:49,840 Speaker 1: making all these little digs at me, and I don't 334 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:51,880 Speaker 1: like it. How do I get him to stop? And 335 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:55,400 Speaker 1: how do I calm down his fears regarding aging? Dear 336 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,960 Speaker 1: reply says this is very strange. First, a thirty two 337 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:02,280 Speaker 1: year old man does not even look old, and he 338 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,720 Speaker 1: is too young for a midlife crisis. Even if he 339 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,280 Speaker 1: had some reason to be dissatisfied with his appearance, his 340 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:11,800 Speaker 1: behavior is wild. There is something really wrong with him psychologically. 341 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:14,680 Speaker 1: I don't really have any useful advice. Perhaps you can 342 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:17,840 Speaker 1: seek therapy. That's therapy. Can we get a little fair 343 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:20,880 Speaker 1: up bit fair bit therapy? 344 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:22,360 Speaker 3: So I thought you got to do another one, but 345 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:22,880 Speaker 3: then you didn't. 346 00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:25,240 Speaker 1: I ruined the flow there, it's on me. I'll go 347 00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:26,800 Speaker 1: to therapy for that. To GUIDs you want how to 348 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,120 Speaker 1: deal with this. I fear that it will escalate. Keep 349 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:32,040 Speaker 1: an eye on him for any other signs of irrational behavior. 350 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:35,600 Speaker 1: Maybe he has a brain tumor or something. Good luck 351 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,880 Speaker 1: and you don't need any luck to join us every 352 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:42,200 Speaker 1: weekday at three pm on YouTube, we are live. Just 353 00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:45,640 Speaker 1: click tap that profile comment. Okay, and we have one 354 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:49,440 Speaker 1: more relevant comment here from cautious rub twenty five eighty 355 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:52,320 Speaker 1: three on behalf of all the citizens of the planet. 356 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:57,760 Speaker 1: Leave this dude. He is full on nuts and he 357 00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:01,040 Speaker 1: sounds like he's one offhanded comment from a stranger away 358 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:04,640 Speaker 1: from absolutely snapping and doing something crazy. Please leave. You 359 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:07,400 Speaker 1: deserve better. Op women are supposed to age like milk 360 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:08,880 Speaker 1: means that you and every other woman in the world 361 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:10,800 Speaker 1: are supposed to be aging uglier with time. Big red 362 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:12,680 Speaker 1: flag right there. What kind of media does he consume? 363 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,960 Speaker 1: Sounds like he's red pill adjacent. 364 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:15,800 Speaker 3: Sure does. 365 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, he's just one common away from like becoming the joker. 366 00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:23,040 Speaker 3: Societies is that women are supposed to age like milk, 367 00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:25,120 Speaker 3: but my wife is too hot. 368 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,760 Speaker 1: I can't remember the story from the movie. I just 369 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:30,960 Speaker 1: remember the one where he's like, my father, what admer? 370 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:34,040 Speaker 1: That was good, Yeah, but I can't say the rest 371 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:34,160 Speaker 1: of that. 372 00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:37,280 Speaker 3: Robert King says therapy for sure unless he got wild 373 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:42,640 Speaker 3: son or other damage. Otherwise it's something psychological, like people 374 00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:44,880 Speaker 3: with certain eating disorders who are tiny but think they 375 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,320 Speaker 3: are a fat when they aren't. 376 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:49,080 Speaker 1: Well, it's like a self image, and you know, all 377 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,920 Speaker 1: kinds of people they I think everyone suffers with self 378 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:53,360 Speaker 1: image at some point. 379 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:55,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just making sure that you're not putting it 380 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:58,640 Speaker 3: on other people. I mean, obviously sometimes you need outside help, 381 00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:01,080 Speaker 3: which is that's totally fine, but it's like not making 382 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,200 Speaker 3: other people feel bad. 383 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,200 Speaker 1: If anyone in the chat right now is considering therapy 384 00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:08,520 Speaker 1: for any reason, I highly suggest that you, yes, get 385 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:10,119 Speaker 1: it done if you can. I know, sometimes it's hard 386 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,560 Speaker 1: to get into it because it's like, you know, it's 387 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:15,879 Speaker 1: insurance and price and all that stuff, and it's it's rough, 388 00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:18,760 Speaker 1: but anything is better than nothing, for sure, agreed. 389 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:23,240 Speaker 3: My mom's new boyfriend lied about his age. He's twelve 390 00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:25,040 Speaker 3: years older than he said he was. 391 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:29,240 Speaker 1: That's pretty old. That is a whole child worth of age. 392 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:31,440 Speaker 1: That is a whole grown child. That is almost a teenager. 393 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:34,840 Speaker 3: So my twenty four female mom fifty four female is 394 00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:38,240 Speaker 3: currently dating a man, Max. They met at work at 395 00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:42,359 Speaker 3: their healthcare professionals. Max is very caring, sweet, generous, and 396 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:45,520 Speaker 3: a gentleman. He cooks, he gives her veggies from his garden. 397 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,880 Speaker 3: They laugh a lot. He's a gentle soul. By the way, 398 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:52,919 Speaker 3: this comes from Master Sweet fall on the r slash. Okay, 399 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:56,160 Speaker 3: story time separated it. So they're not a couple yet, 400 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,640 Speaker 3: but they spend a lot of time together. Things are 401 00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:01,520 Speaker 3: going well. My mom thinks it's going fast. But even 402 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:03,440 Speaker 3: if she told them she wanted to take her time, 403 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:08,040 Speaker 3: they're always together. She's not the best with communication. Max 404 00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:10,159 Speaker 3: asked my mother if she was the jealous type. She 405 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:14,199 Speaker 3: said she's absolutely not, which is true. He replied he was. 406 00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:18,199 Speaker 3: It hasn't been a huge problem so far, but my 407 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,479 Speaker 3: mom is still friends with my father since they had 408 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:23,160 Speaker 3: four children together and I've been together for twenty nine 409 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:26,520 Speaker 3: years before they were separated. It's purely platonic. But I'm 410 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:30,120 Speaker 3: scared Max doesn't see it that way. Maybe I'm overthinking. 411 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,440 Speaker 3: My mom is my best friend and I don't want 412 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:35,080 Speaker 3: her to get hurt. Aw, the real issue is we're 413 00:18:35,119 --> 00:18:37,960 Speaker 3: not sure about Max's age when they first started hanging 414 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,120 Speaker 3: out about two or three months ago. I'm really bad 415 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,960 Speaker 3: with time, so could be a little less or a 416 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,240 Speaker 3: little more. My mother asked him how old he was, 417 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:46,680 Speaker 3: and he had a cryptic answer. He said something about 418 00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:50,399 Speaker 3: getting retired at fifty five and that it's been three years. 419 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:53,360 Speaker 3: So Mom said, so you're fifty eight according to her. 420 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,880 Speaker 3: He said yes, we think he looks older, but assumed 421 00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:59,320 Speaker 3: he was saying the truth. A couple weeks ago, Max 422 00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:02,040 Speaker 3: went to mom's fae friends, Judith's job. She works in 423 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:04,639 Speaker 3: some sort of bank that is essentially the equivalent of 424 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:07,879 Speaker 3: credit unions in the US. Judith got really curious, and 425 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:10,880 Speaker 3: after Max left, she got his information in her work computer. 426 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,879 Speaker 3: In his folder, she saw, Max, what's freaking. 427 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:17,080 Speaker 1: Seventy the Big seven old? 428 00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:19,800 Speaker 3: Why would you? I mean, if they're already like vibin, 429 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:20,920 Speaker 3: why would you lie? 430 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,520 Speaker 1: I think the lie is more weird than being seventy. 431 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,920 Speaker 1: You can't help it if you like a seventy year old. 432 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:28,000 Speaker 3: That's not even a weird age gap at that age, 433 00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:30,240 Speaker 3: you know, like she's fifty eight being with a or 434 00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:32,080 Speaker 3: you know, fifty four or something being with a seventy 435 00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:33,200 Speaker 3: year old's not that weird. 436 00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:36,600 Speaker 1: Well, I guess it's more of like you know now, 437 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:38,800 Speaker 1: I mean, seventy is like right up on the line 438 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:42,359 Speaker 1: I think for most people have before you truly become like, oh, 439 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:44,960 Speaker 1: seventy five and seven, Like there's a big difference between 440 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:47,800 Speaker 1: like seventy five and fifty, like sixty right. 441 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,040 Speaker 3: Sure, just a weird thing for him to lie about. 442 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,080 Speaker 1: Super weird. No, it's well, I mean, I guess is 443 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:55,560 Speaker 1: understandable because he's like nervous, but like it's still wrong. 444 00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:58,000 Speaker 3: I just think it's weird because like it was already 445 00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,840 Speaker 3: going well. Yeah, like he was already been, you know, 446 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:01,560 Speaker 3: in the clear. 447 00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:03,680 Speaker 1: Then that makes more because he's like I do it's 448 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:06,080 Speaker 1: going well, I don't want to ruin it by being seventy. 449 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:09,200 Speaker 3: I can't help it. My mother didn't and still doesn't 450 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:11,639 Speaker 3: know what to do with that information. She can't just 451 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:14,360 Speaker 3: confront Max about it because Judith could lose her job 452 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:17,680 Speaker 3: if he knew she looked into personal information without authorization 453 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:20,399 Speaker 3: or a good reason. Also, yeah, wait, that is weird 454 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,040 Speaker 3: that she just like God. 455 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:25,800 Speaker 1: Is information completely risk your livelihood and employment just to like, 456 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,760 Speaker 1: I feel like this dude's older. 457 00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:31,400 Speaker 3: Oh slyly Tove says that's sixteen years. It's twelve years 458 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:33,520 Speaker 3: older than he said he was, which is what I 459 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:35,320 Speaker 3: meant because he said he was fifty. 460 00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:37,560 Speaker 1: Eight, and I gotta say that. One of the comments 461 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,320 Speaker 1: said that John's probably seventy. 462 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:42,560 Speaker 3: Max has two adult children that live about an hour away, 463 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,359 Speaker 3: but my mom hasn't met them yet, so she can't 464 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:48,600 Speaker 3: question them or bring the subject with them in a conversation. 465 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:50,960 Speaker 3: She also told me not to tell my siblings about 466 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:53,520 Speaker 3: the situation. We talked a lot about the issue. My 467 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,800 Speaker 3: mom doesn't mind dating older men, but when she was 468 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:58,400 Speaker 3: thinking about her future with him, she has doubts when 469 00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:01,080 Speaker 3: she'll be sixty four years old, be eighty instead of 470 00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:04,159 Speaker 3: sixty eight. It's not the same reality. My dad has 471 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:07,000 Speaker 3: a lot of health issues, and she's cared a lot 472 00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:09,360 Speaker 3: for him when they were together and is not sure 473 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:11,680 Speaker 3: she wants to do that again. How could you build 474 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:14,040 Speaker 3: something strong and sincere with someone that lied to you 475 00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:17,720 Speaker 3: about something as basic as his age from the very beginning. 476 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,600 Speaker 3: A couple of days ago, my mom was having a 477 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:22,080 Speaker 3: conversation with Max. She told him that if they wanted 478 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:25,280 Speaker 3: to build something strong, they had to be honest, and 479 00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:27,440 Speaker 3: that she had doubts about what he told her about 480 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:30,280 Speaker 3: his age. Not her exact words, but that's what it meant. 481 00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:33,320 Speaker 3: She reminded him what he told her he had retired 482 00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:36,760 Speaker 3: when he was fifty five. It's been three years. He 483 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:39,720 Speaker 3: looked either confused or nervous, and he said he told 484 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:41,960 Speaker 3: her he was in fact fifty eight when he retired, 485 00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,160 Speaker 3: and that he was sixty five, which is. 486 00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:44,760 Speaker 1: Still not true. 487 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:48,520 Speaker 3: He's like, oh, I'm sorry, you must have understood. I'm 488 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:50,600 Speaker 3: actually I'm sixty five, and she's like, nope, that we're 489 00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:51,400 Speaker 3: still not there yet. 490 00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:53,080 Speaker 1: We were not a little bit of a gap there. 491 00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:56,040 Speaker 3: The math ain't mavin. I know he started working again 492 00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:59,000 Speaker 3: because COVID hit our healthcare system really hard. So maybe 493 00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:01,359 Speaker 3: that's where the missing year in the occasion worm. I 494 00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:03,880 Speaker 3: don't know. My mom told me she could have misunderstood 495 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:06,199 Speaker 3: the first time, but she doesn't think she did. I 496 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:09,760 Speaker 3: don't know if Judith also misread his information in his folder, 497 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:13,000 Speaker 3: but I highly doubt that. Today, after eating at my 498 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,040 Speaker 3: mom's together, the three of us were in his car. 499 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:17,480 Speaker 3: They were driving me back at my place. She saw 500 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:19,600 Speaker 3: his work badge with his face and made a joke 501 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,840 Speaker 3: about how he looks like a cerealaler on the picture 502 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:24,720 Speaker 3: and that she wonders how he looks on his driver's license, 503 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:26,760 Speaker 3: kind of hinting that she wanted to see it. 504 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,840 Speaker 1: Interesting. Yeah, interesting segue. 505 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:31,040 Speaker 3: She's like, you look like a cereal miller. Let me 506 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:32,080 Speaker 3: see your driver's license. 507 00:22:32,359 --> 00:22:34,479 Speaker 1: I wonder if you look like it on there too. 508 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:37,520 Speaker 3: Not so subtle, mom. He just shrugged it off, laughed 509 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:39,760 Speaker 3: and changed the subject. She doesn't want to break his 510 00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:42,000 Speaker 3: trust and look for it in his wallet, even if 511 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,440 Speaker 3: he did break her trust by lying to her. She's 512 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:46,600 Speaker 3: just not that kind of person, and it's one of 513 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:47,600 Speaker 3: her many qualities. 514 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:48,600 Speaker 1: I'd like to have. 515 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:51,080 Speaker 3: That joke sounds mean, but it was actually very funny. 516 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:53,680 Speaker 3: Max has a great sense of humor and didn't think 517 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:54,160 Speaker 3: it was rude. 518 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:55,200 Speaker 4: The serial joke. 519 00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:58,879 Speaker 3: Yes, I'm hopeful because he told her a closer number 520 00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:02,359 Speaker 3: to the actual age she be, but he still lied again. 521 00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:06,040 Speaker 3: It sucks because, as I said, my mother struggles with communication. 522 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:10,879 Speaker 3: She's a people pleaser and hates confrontation, and having to 523 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,800 Speaker 3: keep digging for the truth makes it even harder. She's 524 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:18,240 Speaker 3: very trusting, but she's understandably having doubts. And I don't 525 00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:20,040 Speaker 3: know that. You guys can join us live every week 526 00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:23,320 Speaker 3: at three pm PSD just tap our profile. That's right, 527 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:26,000 Speaker 3: there is a little bit more to this story. But 528 00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:27,120 Speaker 3: what do you think we do? 529 00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:30,240 Speaker 1: I think this guy needs to be pressed and like, honestly, 530 00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:32,480 Speaker 1: I think I saw a comment on there earlier. It 531 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:35,679 Speaker 1: was talking about it could maybe be early like onset 532 00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:38,840 Speaker 1: Alzheimer's or something, which is like if you truly don't 533 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:41,119 Speaker 1: know your own age, that's and you can come from 534 00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:43,200 Speaker 1: that perspective instead of being like show me your driver's 535 00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:44,760 Speaker 1: like I want to know how old you are, it's like, hey, 536 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,400 Speaker 1: like I'm kind of concerned you might not know your 537 00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:50,320 Speaker 1: own age. Like that's maybe a warning sign, you know, O. 538 00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:52,280 Speaker 3: Would He's so funny if he was lying about and 539 00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:54,000 Speaker 3: you're like, I'm really concerned that you don't know how 540 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:54,720 Speaker 3: old you are and. 541 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,919 Speaker 1: He's like, just lye and that's what And then he 542 00:23:58,000 --> 00:23:59,920 Speaker 1: either commits to lying and now he has to pret 543 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:03,359 Speaker 1: he has Alzheimer's, which really hard to keep up, like, 544 00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:05,320 Speaker 1: or he just goes all right, yes, I'm seventy. 545 00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:08,680 Speaker 3: You got me, you and your meddling kid. 546 00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:11,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, he would be a Scooby Doo villain at that age, 547 00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:12,560 Speaker 1: like holds it all. 548 00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:15,399 Speaker 3: He's a little bit older. He's like, I'm eighty. Tony 549 00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:19,280 Speaker 3: Spiliaco says. The Census Bureau has an age search service. 550 00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:23,240 Speaker 3: Obie's mom's coworkers should be okay, okay, and it's pretty beaches. 551 00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,280 Speaker 3: I gotta say, though, man's looking good for his age. 552 00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:28,840 Speaker 3: If everyone's like, how old are you, dude. 553 00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:31,160 Speaker 1: They can't clock that he's seventy. He's got those good 554 00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:33,560 Speaker 1: genes literally literally. 555 00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:35,560 Speaker 3: But there's a little bit more to the story. Na's 556 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:38,880 Speaker 3: already met my grandmother, mom's mom, some of her friends, 557 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:41,239 Speaker 3: and all of her children were all grown up. My 558 00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:44,159 Speaker 3: brother is sixteen. As stated, I'm twenty four, and my 559 00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:46,600 Speaker 3: sisters are twenty eight and thirty, So it wouldn't be 560 00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:49,280 Speaker 3: too harsh if he entered our lives and left it 561 00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:52,359 Speaker 3: as is. But it's still a lot of commitment meeting 562 00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:55,359 Speaker 3: your special friend's family. I'm, however, not sure if it's 563 00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:57,400 Speaker 3: a big step for my mother. Since we're so involved 564 00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:59,920 Speaker 3: in her life, he kind of had to meet us 565 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,280 Speaker 3: if he wanted to spend time with her. We all 566 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,840 Speaker 3: like him, especially my brother and I because since we 567 00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:07,199 Speaker 3: live closer, him at my mother's and me at a 568 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:09,760 Speaker 3: five minute drive away, we have met him up more often. 569 00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:11,719 Speaker 3: My mom is a history of dating men that are 570 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:13,720 Speaker 3: not even half as great as her, that have a 571 00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:16,680 Speaker 3: lot of issues, and he's my favorite so far. He's 572 00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:19,159 Speaker 3: the most saying of them. So I guess you just 573 00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:22,320 Speaker 3: have to ask yourself, you know, can you push past this? 574 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,800 Speaker 1: I think if I can maybe try to play a 575 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,359 Speaker 1: little devil advocate and maybe frame this is a cute 576 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:29,760 Speaker 1: thing right in a cute way. 577 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:30,160 Speaker 3: Right. 578 00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:33,520 Speaker 1: It's like this older gentleman, he's seventy right, clearly is 579 00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:37,160 Speaker 1: very into Op's mom, like they're getting along. You bring 580 00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:39,160 Speaker 1: it up in like the Hey, I'm concerned that your 581 00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:42,359 Speaker 1: brain is misfiring. You know. 582 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:44,439 Speaker 3: I think she needs to confront him about this. 583 00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:46,400 Speaker 1: He needs to be pressed on it. But if from 584 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:48,280 Speaker 1: my perspective, I think it's really coming from a place 585 00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:50,000 Speaker 1: where he's like he just doesn't want to ruin it. 586 00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:53,520 Speaker 1: Maybe he has had relationships be ruined in the past 587 00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:56,560 Speaker 1: just because of how old he is, even though clearly 588 00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:59,040 Speaker 1: he's young enough in spirit to where people are like, 589 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:02,439 Speaker 1: is this guy's that's kind of ridiculous, Like and so 590 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,879 Speaker 1: you know, maybe it's coming from all love. He's like, 591 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:06,439 Speaker 1: I just care about you, and I just was so 592 00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:08,240 Speaker 1: scared you want to leave me because I'm seventy. 593 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:10,080 Speaker 3: I think she needs to confront him and say, hey, 594 00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:12,639 Speaker 3: I found some stuff that you're seventy and see what 595 00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:14,520 Speaker 3: he says, and if he still keeps up the lie, 596 00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:15,520 Speaker 3: then you know, then. 597 00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:17,600 Speaker 1: If he keeps lying, because it's also it is fair 598 00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:19,040 Speaker 1: to be like, I need to know how old you are, 599 00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:21,560 Speaker 1: because you get to a certain age, certain things begin 600 00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:23,200 Speaker 1: to happen. And it's like we were talking about earlier. 601 00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:25,560 Speaker 1: Time comes for everybody, time comes for us all. You know, 602 00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:28,040 Speaker 1: there's a big difference between like, yeah, twelve years is 603 00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:29,720 Speaker 1: a lot once you start to get up into those 604 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:33,640 Speaker 1: higher ages, Like big difference between seventy and eighty two, right, 605 00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:37,320 Speaker 1: Like big difference between sixty and seventy two, Like absolutely 606 00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:40,000 Speaker 1: big deals, big deals. Hey, it's Sam, We're gonna get 607 00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:40,720 Speaker 1: back to these stories. 608 00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:42,640 Speaker 4: But here's three of bits of bads from our sponsors 609 00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:43,520 Speaker 4: that keep the show alive. 610 00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,280 Speaker 2: My wife destroyed a sculpture I made. It's been a 611 00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:49,480 Speaker 2: year and I still resent her for it. 612 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:54,400 Speaker 4: I destroyed my mom's sculpture when I was a kid, 613 00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:58,639 Speaker 4: and she still resents But I can relate. 614 00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:01,919 Speaker 2: My wife and I have been married for three years 615 00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:05,040 Speaker 2: and we had our first baby last year. My wife 616 00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:08,960 Speaker 2: did go through a lot of hormonal episodes during postpartum, 617 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:12,520 Speaker 2: and she had a lot of mood swings. By the way, 618 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:16,520 Speaker 2: this comes from former Rose on the Best of Redditor subreddit. 619 00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:21,359 Speaker 2: So a couple months of postpartum, she broke my handsome 620 00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:25,520 Speaker 2: glass sculpture, which I had spent a couple of months 621 00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:29,800 Speaker 2: working on as a birthday gift for my sister. 622 00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,359 Speaker 4: Not the handsome gold handsome sculture. If it was ugly, 623 00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:33,880 Speaker 4: that's cool. 624 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:35,760 Speaker 2: You don't what I'm thinking of right now. The squid 625 00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:36,480 Speaker 2: word sculpture. 626 00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:39,600 Speaker 4: I was the handsome sid word. Yeah, he made a 627 00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:42,000 Speaker 4: handsome squid word sculpture, and she brought. 628 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:44,400 Speaker 2: This is what's going to be my mind. The whole time. 629 00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:48,200 Speaker 2: My wife called my name many times that she needed help. 630 00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:51,240 Speaker 2: But I was working on the engravings for the sculpture, 631 00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:55,240 Speaker 2: and I was really concentrated on it. I was going 632 00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:57,879 Speaker 2: to go to my wife in a just a few minutes, 633 00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:01,639 Speaker 2: but my wife got very frustrated and she just barged 634 00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:04,159 Speaker 2: it to my room and threw the sculpture on the 635 00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:07,879 Speaker 2: ground and broke it. I was shocked, and my wife 636 00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:11,320 Speaker 2: immediately apologized a lot, but I didn't want to stress 637 00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:12,919 Speaker 2: her out too much, so I told her it was 638 00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:15,560 Speaker 2: all right and that I should have responded when she 639 00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:18,000 Speaker 2: called my name. The next week, she went to the 640 00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:22,119 Speaker 2: doctor and my wife got prescribed meds for PPD. My 641 00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:26,000 Speaker 2: wife's smooth swing instantly shifted a lot after she started 642 00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:27,720 Speaker 2: taking those meds. 643 00:28:28,119 --> 00:28:28,560 Speaker 1: Wow. 644 00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:32,840 Speaker 2: My wife did apologize constantly and felt very guilty about 645 00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:36,240 Speaker 2: breaking the glass sculpture, and she cried a few times, 646 00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:38,440 Speaker 2: but I told her it was all right to let 647 00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:40,640 Speaker 2: it go. It's been a year now, and while we're 648 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:44,000 Speaker 2: still back to normal, I still hold a lot of resentment. 649 00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:45,680 Speaker 2: I feel like a part of my love for my 650 00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:48,920 Speaker 2: wife was gone when she broke the sculpture, and I 651 00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:52,800 Speaker 2: could not imagine anyone, let alone my wife, doing such 652 00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:55,560 Speaker 2: a terrible thing. Am I the a hole? 653 00:28:56,960 --> 00:29:00,680 Speaker 4: I'm curious if there's like a lot of visual just 654 00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:03,280 Speaker 4: upsetting this from the phase of her going through these 655 00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:06,160 Speaker 4: moodswings and being in this time of her life and 656 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:09,240 Speaker 4: it's just resentful over the period, or it's like this 657 00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:13,720 Speaker 4: specific case of the sculpture, he just can't like he 658 00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:14,560 Speaker 4: makes sculpture. 659 00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:17,160 Speaker 2: It sounds like he made sculptures for a life, for 660 00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:19,760 Speaker 2: like his life, right, or a hobby. 661 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,440 Speaker 4: Well it was for a family member. 662 00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:24,560 Speaker 2: Okay, so probably a hobby. He spent a lot of 663 00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:28,160 Speaker 2: time on it. Do you think the right response for 664 00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:30,080 Speaker 2: him to say it was all right? Whenever it wasn't. 665 00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:33,800 Speaker 4: I think in the moment, like she's freaking out, she's 666 00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:36,680 Speaker 4: super upset, breaks it and then starts freaking out about 667 00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:40,840 Speaker 4: like being sorry for breaking the sculpture. I think in 668 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:44,240 Speaker 4: that moment, maybe it's like best case scenario and not 669 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,760 Speaker 4: saying everyone could do this, but just like pause, be 670 00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:50,720 Speaker 4: like what's going on? Yeah, like what you need? Like 671 00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:53,480 Speaker 4: are you freaking out? So just to be like what's 672 00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:56,240 Speaker 4: going on, Like, let's let's just take a pause at 673 00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:58,920 Speaker 4: like if you're able to, yeah, like like of course 674 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,600 Speaker 4: your sculpture just got broken. So if you have an 675 00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:04,880 Speaker 4: emotional reaction, that makes sense. So I think in the 676 00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:06,840 Speaker 4: moment it was like it is what it is. You know, 677 00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:09,080 Speaker 4: we can't. It's kind of hard to control our big 678 00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:13,200 Speaker 4: reactions in the moment. But after the case, I think 679 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:17,320 Speaker 4: one hundred percent he needed to be able to communicate like, Hey, 680 00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:21,080 Speaker 4: I'm super upset about this. I feel really hurt that 681 00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:23,480 Speaker 4: my sculpture you just destroy it. 682 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:26,040 Speaker 2: So that's on him that he didn't bring it up. 683 00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:27,600 Speaker 4: So did he say he never brought it up. 684 00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:29,120 Speaker 2: He just said it was all right and he didn't 685 00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:31,160 Speaker 2: want to stress her out because she was going through 686 00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:33,560 Speaker 2: such a like emotional turmoil. 687 00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:36,080 Speaker 4: He said it was all right, and then he still 688 00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:41,800 Speaker 4: just never expressed Yeah, regardless, if someone is able to 689 00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:45,920 Speaker 4: handle like your upsetness and you bringing that to them, 690 00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:48,320 Speaker 4: if you hold it in, especially if it's your partner, 691 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:51,960 Speaker 4: it's gonna build resentment and then out and then later 692 00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:53,400 Speaker 4: on it's just gonna blow up. 693 00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:56,440 Speaker 2: Now we have some comments, commoner one talk it out now, 694 00:30:56,800 --> 00:31:00,520 Speaker 2: resentment rot's a relationship comment or two. To be honest, 695 00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:02,960 Speaker 2: I would hold a lot of resentment for a partner 696 00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:05,520 Speaker 2: who refused to help me when I needed help and 697 00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:09,120 Speaker 2: was par pod them with a newborn. I absolutely don't 698 00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:12,240 Speaker 2: condone breaking things, but I do know what rage is 699 00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:15,640 Speaker 2: part of depression, and that not help, not having enough 700 00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:20,120 Speaker 2: support definitely contributes to worsening PPD info. Was this the 701 00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:24,000 Speaker 2: only time she asks for multiple times for help? Common three? 702 00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:26,360 Speaker 2: Not the a hole for having her feelings, But I 703 00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:29,640 Speaker 2: feel like you and your wife have different perspective of 704 00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:32,840 Speaker 2: what actually happened. You see a crazy woman who smashed 705 00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:35,320 Speaker 2: her sculpture, and she saw a man who wouldn't answer 706 00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:38,320 Speaker 2: her cries for help, who would rather tend to a 707 00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:41,320 Speaker 2: piece of glass than his wife or baby. Go see 708 00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:45,440 Speaker 2: a therapist with your wife instead of Reddit update September 709 00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:46,320 Speaker 2: twenty seconds. 710 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:48,320 Speaker 4: I feel like that's the answer to all these stories. 711 00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:49,880 Speaker 4: Seek a therapist, not read it. 712 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:53,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, Red, it's like tier one of therapy, like to 713 00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:55,840 Speaker 2: get your head right, get you out of whatever mind 714 00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:59,480 Speaker 2: thing you have, and then tier two is a therapist. 715 00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:01,120 Speaker 4: You should see an actual theory. 716 00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:03,520 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, what are your thoughts on it? What 717 00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:06,280 Speaker 2: are my thoughts on it? Therapy? Dude? I mean they're 718 00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:08,520 Speaker 2: both in the wrong here. He's in the wrong for 719 00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:10,160 Speaker 2: holding this in for so long. She was in the 720 00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:14,120 Speaker 2: wrong for breaking things, and he's also in the wrong 721 00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:15,800 Speaker 2: for not like attending to her. It was just a 722 00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:20,200 Speaker 2: you know, mistakes happened. She's gotten over it, She's fixed 723 00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:23,160 Speaker 2: her side of it. He needs to now take ownership 724 00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:26,040 Speaker 2: and fix his side of it by confronting her and 725 00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:28,720 Speaker 2: figuring out how to deal with this situation. 726 00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:32,000 Speaker 4: I would just zoom out and see, like on both sides, 727 00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:34,240 Speaker 4: like he was involved with something, he was engaged with 728 00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:37,760 Speaker 4: something and wasn't paying attention. Whether that's right or wrong, 729 00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:40,600 Speaker 4: doesn't really matter. And then on his wife's side, she 730 00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:44,120 Speaker 4: was dealing with postpartum depression. She having crazy moon swings, 731 00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:47,160 Speaker 4: and it is like the thing happened, regardless of like 732 00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:49,719 Speaker 4: who's in the right or wrong, Like the thing happened, 733 00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:53,440 Speaker 4: and what needs to be addressed is like the repair. Yeah, exactly, 734 00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:56,960 Speaker 4: he's in the he's hurting over this. He can't forgive 735 00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,440 Speaker 4: his wife. It needs to be expressed, exactly. 736 00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:03,080 Speaker 2: I completely update. I read some of the comments and 737 00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:06,360 Speaker 2: got some good suggestions. I realized I had to be 738 00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:09,760 Speaker 2: honest and upfront with my wife. My wife and I 739 00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:12,680 Speaker 2: had a long talk where I finally told her about 740 00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:17,040 Speaker 2: everything I was bottling up over the past year. I 741 00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:20,240 Speaker 2: told my wife I don't blame her since she had PPD, 742 00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:23,920 Speaker 2: but it was just hard not to feel resentful. I 743 00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:26,920 Speaker 2: told her I understood why she was frustrated at the moment, 744 00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:30,360 Speaker 2: and that I should have immediately responded when she called me. 745 00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:33,920 Speaker 2: But I told her I would have preferred if she 746 00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:37,400 Speaker 2: shouted at me or even slap me or something, rather 747 00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:40,719 Speaker 2: than breaking that sculpture. Anything but the sculpshire. That was 748 00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:44,280 Speaker 2: just heartless and cruel. My wife seemed very remorseful and 749 00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:47,600 Speaker 2: apologized a lot and cried. She asked if there was 750 00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:50,880 Speaker 2: anything she could do to undo what she had done 751 00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,320 Speaker 2: the last year, and if there was any way I 752 00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:56,200 Speaker 2: could not have that resentment since it really hurt her 753 00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:59,440 Speaker 2: a lot. I thought about this for the past couple 754 00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:01,920 Speaker 2: of hours, and I realized that there was only one 755 00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:04,480 Speaker 2: way where I could completely let go of that resentment. 756 00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:07,320 Speaker 2: I told my wife I would be sewing a handmade 757 00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:11,040 Speaker 2: memory quilt for my sister's birthday next year. This would 758 00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:14,120 Speaker 2: take almost a year, and I told my wife. Once 759 00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:16,480 Speaker 2: I do finish and I give it to my sister 760 00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:19,880 Speaker 2: and give my sister the gift, that's when my resentment 761 00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:22,719 Speaker 2: would probably go away. Oh wow, so it's gonna take 762 00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:25,600 Speaker 2: another year. Oh my god, I have to do with 763 00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:29,600 Speaker 2: his wife him This sculpture was for his sister and 764 00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:32,560 Speaker 2: he wasn't able to give her something nice. 765 00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:34,520 Speaker 4: God now, so he's like, now, when I'm able to 766 00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:36,920 Speaker 4: give her something nice, then I'll forgive you. It seems 767 00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:38,680 Speaker 4: I don't know. In my head, it seems kind of 768 00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:39,920 Speaker 4: removed from the wife. 769 00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:43,719 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, here's here's what he said about it. My 770 00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:46,120 Speaker 2: wife seemed grateful and asked if she could help. I 771 00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:48,520 Speaker 2: told her not for this gift, but maybe in the future. 772 00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:51,840 Speaker 2: The truth is, I don't really feel super comfortable trusting 773 00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:54,760 Speaker 2: my wife with this, given how she destroyed my previous gift. 774 00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:59,080 Speaker 2: It's psychological and I'll most likely regain the trust once 775 00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:00,400 Speaker 2: I finished sewing quilt. 776 00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:02,360 Speaker 4: He's like, not my next handsome creation. 777 00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:05,239 Speaker 2: I haven't told my wife about the trust issue, as 778 00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:08,920 Speaker 2: I think it's just a me issue, not my wife's issue. 779 00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:11,960 Speaker 2: And then one last comment, OPI taking too much time 780 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:14,160 Speaker 2: away from his wife and child to make the gift. OPI, No, 781 00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:16,480 Speaker 2: it doesn't take much time. I only work on it 782 00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:19,640 Speaker 2: if I'm free. It's usually just only twenty to thirty minutes. 783 00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:22,440 Speaker 2: It never goes over an hour. And it isn't about 784 00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:25,160 Speaker 2: punishing my wife. I just want to reciprocate because over 785 00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:27,560 Speaker 2: the past couple of years, my sister has given me 786 00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:32,840 Speaker 2: really detailed, handcrafted gifts. I usually never do handcrafted gifts, 787 00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:35,200 Speaker 2: but it isn't right to just buy a gift off 788 00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:39,000 Speaker 2: Amazon for my sister's birthday after she spent months making 789 00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:43,040 Speaker 2: my gift. Comment or one OPI holds onto resentment for 790 00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:45,160 Speaker 2: a year and finally talks to his wife about it. 791 00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:48,800 Speaker 2: Now he's keeping the secret that he doesn't trust her either, 792 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:52,000 Speaker 2: always working on a year long quilt while his child 793 00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:54,759 Speaker 2: will be a toddler and his wife will still need help. 794 00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:58,359 Speaker 2: This can only end well, this is a cycle, dude, 795 00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:01,000 Speaker 2: This did not end at all, er standing, He's a 796 00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:05,000 Speaker 2: the resentment part of a year making over the quill. Sure, 797 00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:09,080 Speaker 2: but not trusting your wife after you know she needed 798 00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:12,320 Speaker 2: medical help. That's crazy, dude. That part's wild. 799 00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:15,520 Speaker 4: I feel like whether again, like whether it's right or wrong, 800 00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:18,240 Speaker 4: Like he just doesn't trust her, Like he's still holding 801 00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:20,680 Speaker 4: onto that, which I could I could understand having trust 802 00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:25,040 Speaker 4: issues with that, but I think again, it's it's gonna 803 00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:27,080 Speaker 4: be probably be the same thing. If you hold onto 804 00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:30,200 Speaker 4: the trust of your wife, which is essentially the foundation 805 00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:33,600 Speaker 4: of a relationship, there's gonna be even more issue yeah, 806 00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:35,759 Speaker 4: so I don't think the best course of action is 807 00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:39,480 Speaker 4: to continue holding things from your wife. But also I'm 808 00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:41,279 Speaker 4: happy that he finally told her and that she was 809 00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:44,759 Speaker 4: receptive after all this time, right, she could have been like, oh, 810 00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:47,120 Speaker 4: that was so long ago. I think how he's feeling 811 00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:47,839 Speaker 4: so good? 812 00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:51,160 Speaker 2: That is good? Yeah huh, but he I still see 813 00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:52,600 Speaker 2: a cycle when he needs to go to therapy and 814 00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:55,960 Speaker 2: break it. What do you think he's doing that cycle again, 815 00:36:56,360 --> 00:36:58,560 Speaker 2: of like holding holding things in, not letting it out, 816 00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:00,960 Speaker 2: keeping it balled up. I would be like, I don't 817 00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:03,400 Speaker 2: trust you. The reason you're not I don't want you 818 00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:05,239 Speaker 2: to help me is because I don't even trust you. 819 00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:06,880 Speaker 2: I think you should say that. 820 00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:09,960 Speaker 4: Sounds like a yeah, a conversation that needs to happen. 821 00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:11,919 Speaker 4: If you don't trust your partner, it kind of needs 822 00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:14,320 Speaker 4: to be expressed. And then at that point then you 823 00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:18,280 Speaker 4: could like build you could work together collaboratively to build 824 00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:21,640 Speaker 4: back trust exactly, but it needs to be like uncovered. First. 825 00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:22,719 Speaker 2: Hey, it's John here. 826 00:37:22,719 --> 00:37:24,200 Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories, but a quick 827 00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:25,359 Speaker 1: three minute ad break from our. 828 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:26,640 Speaker 2: Sponsors that keep the show going. 829 00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:30,480 Speaker 4: I refuse to have kids with my husband because he 830 00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:33,560 Speaker 4: went back on his ward. I thirty six female, IMM 831 00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:36,600 Speaker 4: a neurologist, and I absolutely love my patients and my job. 832 00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:39,160 Speaker 4: I believe there is no greater honor in life than 833 00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:41,920 Speaker 4: being able to help others. The road to my medical 834 00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:44,680 Speaker 4: degree was not easy, and it was paved with many rejections. 835 00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:47,880 Speaker 4: I was a troubled teen in high school and I 836 00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:50,840 Speaker 4: didn't get accepted into any colleges my senior year. I 837 00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:53,560 Speaker 4: had to work my way up, starting with remedial classes 838 00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:56,600 Speaker 4: at my local community college, starting from the bottom here 839 00:37:56,880 --> 00:37:59,520 Speaker 4: now we hear baby. When I finally got into medical 840 00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:03,359 Speaker 4: school twenty six, I was absolutely thrilled by the way 841 00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:07,759 Speaker 4: this comes from you dash obvious mistake dash seven eight 842 00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:11,160 Speaker 4: zero one on the our bore updates sub rereddit. So. 843 00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:13,560 Speaker 4: I met my husband thirty seven male in my third 844 00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:16,879 Speaker 4: year of medical school. Another doc there. We have been 845 00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:20,000 Speaker 4: married for four years now. My husband works in marketing. 846 00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:23,799 Speaker 4: I gain never mind, not a doctor, I thought she 847 00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:26,120 Speaker 4: met said she met him in med school. Yeah, so 848 00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:28,600 Speaker 4: my husband works in marketing and I make three times 849 00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:29,360 Speaker 4: his salary. 850 00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:31,959 Speaker 2: Oh go boss girl, let's go man. 851 00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:34,760 Speaker 4: From the beginning of our relationship, I was very upfront 852 00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:38,080 Speaker 4: that I was unsure about having biological children. My dream 853 00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:40,680 Speaker 4: was always to adopt from foster care, and my husband 854 00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:44,520 Speaker 4: seemingly understood this. However, after his friend had a baby 855 00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:46,880 Speaker 4: boy last year, he began to really press me on 856 00:38:46,960 --> 00:38:50,160 Speaker 4: having children. But it happens. So I was initially very 857 00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:52,720 Speaker 4: against this idea because I was just beginning my career 858 00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:55,879 Speaker 4: and doctor career as well, so I wanted to wait 859 00:38:55,880 --> 00:38:58,400 Speaker 4: a few a few more years before revisiting the topic 860 00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:00,839 Speaker 4: of children. Also, she was even sure if she wanted 861 00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:02,319 Speaker 4: to have biological children at all. 862 00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:03,920 Speaker 2: I just wanted to dog. That was his agreement. 863 00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:07,279 Speaker 4: Mm hm. So in August of last year, I found 864 00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:11,680 Speaker 4: out I was unexpectingly pregnant due to a breaking during set. 865 00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:16,080 Speaker 2: That's a wild thing to think, but it is us 866 00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:18,560 Speaker 2: that it was on him on his I. 867 00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:21,400 Speaker 4: Didn't think that ever happened. And then in an earlier story, 868 00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:25,680 Speaker 4: I heard of someone of a woman manipulating like to 869 00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:29,960 Speaker 4: get pregnant. Yeah. I was initially considering a surgery, but 870 00:39:30,040 --> 00:39:33,040 Speaker 4: after many heartfelt conversations with my husband, we decided to 871 00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:35,239 Speaker 4: keep the baby and he would quit his job and 872 00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:38,400 Speaker 4: stay home until our daughter was old enough to start preschool. 873 00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:40,680 Speaker 4: There were several factors that went into our decision to 874 00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:43,520 Speaker 4: have him stay home with our daughter. I make significantly 875 00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:46,840 Speaker 4: more money than him, boss woman, so financially it just 876 00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:49,080 Speaker 4: made more sense. I am in the first few years 877 00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:51,399 Speaker 4: of my career as an attending physician after four years 878 00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:53,960 Speaker 4: of med school on a four year residency. I'm just 879 00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:57,239 Speaker 4: starting to practice on my own, whereas my husband has 880 00:39:57,280 --> 00:39:59,680 Speaker 4: been in his career for fifteen years. So she's just 881 00:39:59,719 --> 00:40:00,920 Speaker 4: started her medical career. 882 00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:01,840 Speaker 2: Gotcha. 883 00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:04,560 Speaker 4: Yeah, I was very clear at absolutely zero desire to 884 00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:06,640 Speaker 4: stay at home and be a housewife. She kind of 885 00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:07,680 Speaker 4: didn't even want the child. 886 00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:08,440 Speaker 2: Yeah. 887 00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:11,520 Speaker 4: I respect stay at home mothers, but my work is 888 00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:14,239 Speaker 4: my life, and I would go crazy at home all day. 889 00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:17,359 Speaker 4: This just isn't a lifestyle I want whatsoever. Finally, I'm 890 00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:19,960 Speaker 4: not comfortable putting my child in daycare until she's old 891 00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:22,760 Speaker 4: enough to express herself verbally. As a victim of abuse 892 00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:24,640 Speaker 4: when I was young, I just do not trust people 893 00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:26,920 Speaker 4: enough to leave my daughter in the hands of strangers 894 00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:30,400 Speaker 4: when she was unable to report abute or neglect. I 895 00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:33,040 Speaker 4: think that's so fair. I would not personally, I would 896 00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:35,480 Speaker 4: not I by if I had the means when I 897 00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:37,920 Speaker 4: have a child, I would, by no means put them 898 00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:41,520 Speaker 4: in daycare. Yeah, personally. So. Our daughter is nine weeks 899 00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:43,640 Speaker 4: old today and I am preparing to return to my 900 00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:46,480 Speaker 4: practice in a few weeks. This weekend, I left my 901 00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:49,200 Speaker 4: husband alone with our daughter while I attended a medical 902 00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:52,239 Speaker 4: conference out of state. The conference was amazing, but when 903 00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:56,120 Speaker 4: I returned home, my husband began acting weird. Oh no, 904 00:40:57,000 --> 00:40:58,000 Speaker 4: what do you think is happening? 905 00:40:58,040 --> 00:40:59,799 Speaker 2: He doesn't like being a stay at home dad. You 906 00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:01,080 Speaker 2: think that's what it is? 907 00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:03,600 Speaker 4: Do you think he like about the whole meat raising 908 00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:04,359 Speaker 4: our child thing? 909 00:41:05,080 --> 00:41:06,080 Speaker 1: I've not about it? 910 00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:08,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, he like. I know, I don't know. I was 911 00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:09,480 Speaker 2: gonna have to change the time. 912 00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:12,319 Speaker 4: It was fun while it lasted, but that's on you now. 913 00:41:13,040 --> 00:41:15,239 Speaker 4: So today, when our daughter was napping, I pressed him 914 00:41:15,239 --> 00:41:17,440 Speaker 4: to tell me what was wrong. He absolutely broke down 915 00:41:17,480 --> 00:41:19,480 Speaker 4: and said he doesn't think he could do this. He 916 00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:23,920 Speaker 4: expressed how trapped alone and overwhelmed he felt all weekend. 917 00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:26,640 Speaker 4: He now wants me to extend my maternity leave and 918 00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:29,600 Speaker 4: is talking about trying to get his job back. So 919 00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:32,160 Speaker 4: this made me freak out, and I asked, well, what 920 00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:35,960 Speaker 4: will we do with our daughter now? He responded by 921 00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:40,399 Speaker 4: suggesting I leave my practice and work from home. I said, 922 00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:43,200 Speaker 4: absolutely not. And he suggested daycare two. 923 00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:44,080 Speaker 2: Things she's not about. 924 00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:47,080 Speaker 4: Yeah, so she already stated she didn't want to be 925 00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:50,919 Speaker 4: a statement home mom barely even wanted the child, and 926 00:41:51,280 --> 00:41:55,480 Speaker 4: didn't want to do daycare because of significant trauma as 927 00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:57,240 Speaker 4: a child herself. 928 00:41:57,320 --> 00:42:00,359 Speaker 2: Okay, here's his third option out of the same bad 929 00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:03,799 Speaker 2: she is okay with them going to daycare. Whenever she 930 00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:08,120 Speaker 2: can talk. I would be giving speech lessons asap, Like 931 00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:11,799 Speaker 2: we're gonna we're gonna just get out of talk immediately, mom. 932 00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:16,400 Speaker 2: Mom see the day like hours every day, Mom, But yeah, 933 00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:17,279 Speaker 2: that's what I'll be doing. 934 00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:20,360 Speaker 4: I feel like even that she's not gonna be comfortable. Yeah, 935 00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:22,680 Speaker 4: if she was herself. 936 00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:24,520 Speaker 2: Like, yeah, that's that's such so much. 937 00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:28,200 Speaker 4: Sense that she doesn't trust to have anyone handle her daughter. 938 00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:31,799 Speaker 4: I said, absolutely not, and he suggested daycare. At this point, 939 00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:35,160 Speaker 4: I just lost my crap and screamed. If I knew 940 00:42:35,239 --> 00:42:37,359 Speaker 4: you were gonna back out of your promise to take 941 00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:39,600 Speaker 4: care of our child, to take care of our daughter, 942 00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:42,719 Speaker 4: I would have never had your child. I knew. I 943 00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:46,160 Speaker 4: completely overreacted, and I would never trade our daughter for anything. 944 00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:48,319 Speaker 4: I love her so much, but I'm so upset with 945 00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:50,760 Speaker 4: my husband and I'm not sure how to move forward 946 00:42:50,880 --> 00:42:53,960 Speaker 4: at this point. We have an update three months later. 947 00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:54,680 Speaker 4: Should we go into it? 948 00:42:54,760 --> 00:42:55,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, let's go. 949 00:42:55,719 --> 00:42:58,200 Speaker 4: Okay, Oh my gosh, going trade into it. It's been 950 00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:00,279 Speaker 4: a few months since I made my original post. I'm 951 00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:02,440 Speaker 4: not sure how to link it check my profile. I 952 00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:05,040 Speaker 4: did not accept my post to get so much attention, 953 00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:08,520 Speaker 4: and I was frankly overwhelmed by it. Thousands of comments, 954 00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:11,759 Speaker 4: hundreds of dms. I even found my post screenshotted and 955 00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:14,520 Speaker 4: uploaded on Twitter. To everyone who sent me kind and 956 00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:16,759 Speaker 4: supportive dms, thank you very much. I appreciate it more 957 00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:19,400 Speaker 4: than you know. To those who sent me nasty dms 958 00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:21,560 Speaker 4: criticizing me as a mother, you are part of the 959 00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:24,560 Speaker 4: reason why forty percent of female doctors go part time 960 00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:28,400 Speaker 4: or leave medicine altogether within six years of completing the residencies. 961 00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:31,719 Speaker 4: Women can want a career and a family like men 962 00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:34,080 Speaker 4: have had for hundreds of years. This does not make 963 00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:36,600 Speaker 4: us evil monsters. To those who sent me dms seeking 964 00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:39,840 Speaker 4: medical advice, I'm not comfortable giving medical advice. Over read it, 965 00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:41,680 Speaker 4: and I sincerely hope that you can find the care 966 00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:42,080 Speaker 4: you need. 967 00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:43,360 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. 968 00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:45,640 Speaker 4: To those questioning why I was not on birth control. 969 00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:48,160 Speaker 4: I addressed this more in a separate comment, But hormonal 970 00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:51,320 Speaker 4: birth control does not work for every woman. Every board 971 00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:55,319 Speaker 4: certified obguin will testify to this. After trying my best 972 00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:57,840 Speaker 4: with every birth control under the sun for nearly ten years, 973 00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:00,440 Speaker 4: I decided to pull out. Would be enough? Was this 974 00:44:00,520 --> 00:44:04,400 Speaker 4: a stupid decision? Yes, but forty percent of doctors are overweight, 975 00:44:04,520 --> 00:44:07,279 Speaker 4: so we aren't always the best at taking care of 976 00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:09,480 Speaker 4: our own health. Regardless, I have no regrets. I love 977 00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:12,359 Speaker 4: my daughter and would not change a thing. Okay, now 978 00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:14,960 Speaker 4: for the actual update. A few days after I made 979 00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:17,399 Speaker 4: my original post, I realized how awful what I said 980 00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:19,520 Speaker 4: to my husband was. No matter how I've said, I was, 981 00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:21,400 Speaker 4: I never should have used our daughter as leverage and 982 00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:23,799 Speaker 4: an argument. Even if I had to quit my job 983 00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:25,960 Speaker 4: tomorrow and become a single mom, I would still do 984 00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:28,160 Speaker 4: it for her because I love her more than anything, 985 00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:30,479 Speaker 4: and I would choose her every time. I still feel 986 00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:32,720 Speaker 4: awful that I said this. It was truly a terrible 987 00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:33,359 Speaker 4: thing to say. 988 00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:35,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, that was pretty harsh. 989 00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:37,280 Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm glad she's owning up to it. But also 990 00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:40,239 Speaker 4: I always, for the most part, if it's not you know, 991 00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:43,960 Speaker 4: like straight out abuse. I have grace for people, yeah, 992 00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:47,000 Speaker 4: acting out and having a big reaction and saying things. 993 00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:49,640 Speaker 4: I think every single person has said something that they 994 00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:52,560 Speaker 4: don't mean in the moment. I'm glad she's owning up 995 00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:52,799 Speaker 4: to it. 996 00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:53,560 Speaker 2: Yeah. 997 00:44:53,680 --> 00:44:55,880 Speaker 4: So another thing I dropped the ball on was not 998 00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:58,800 Speaker 4: being more patient and accepting with my husband. For some context, 999 00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:00,960 Speaker 4: my mother came from out of to stay with us 1000 00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:03,759 Speaker 4: for the first eight weeks after I gave birth. My 1001 00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:07,120 Speaker 4: husband did contribute greatly. I'd honestly say they both did 1002 00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:08,880 Speaker 4: fifty percent of the work with the baby for the 1003 00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:11,440 Speaker 4: first week or so while I recovered. After that, we 1004 00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:13,319 Speaker 4: split the work between the three of us. So for 1005 00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:15,799 Speaker 4: him to go from two people supporting him to being 1006 00:45:15,840 --> 00:45:18,120 Speaker 4: on his own a huge for a whole weekend in 1007 00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:20,919 Speaker 4: a matter of about ten days was obviously a huge shock, 1008 00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:22,160 Speaker 4: and I should have realized this. 1009 00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:24,320 Speaker 2: That is a big change. 1010 00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:28,799 Speaker 4: Yeah, that's like significant amount of percentage more of work 1011 00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:30,160 Speaker 4: to put on one person. 1012 00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:33,319 Speaker 2: Having to do a whole podcast by yourself. Yeah, howays go? 1013 00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:36,560 Speaker 4: His complaints about feeling trapped, overwhelmed, and alone are the 1014 00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:39,520 Speaker 4: exact reasons why I have no desire to be a 1015 00:45:39,560 --> 00:45:42,160 Speaker 4: stay at home mom. Yes, we had a deal, but 1016 00:45:42,200 --> 00:45:44,560 Speaker 4: I should have given him space to express his concerns 1017 00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:47,840 Speaker 4: openly without me flipping my crap. I stayed at my 1018 00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:50,000 Speaker 4: sister's with our daughter for a few days after the 1019 00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:52,359 Speaker 4: fight to give my husband some space. He would come 1020 00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:54,440 Speaker 4: to visit her every day during this period, but we 1021 00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:56,960 Speaker 4: agreed not to talk yet. When I came home, I 1022 00:45:57,000 --> 00:46:01,040 Speaker 4: apologized him for mishandling the situation. What a mature Okay, 1023 00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:05,520 Speaker 4: I like empathizing. She's seeing his perspective and she's apologizing. Wow, 1024 00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:08,360 Speaker 4: we love a mature doctor. So to my surprise, he 1025 00:46:08,400 --> 00:46:12,920 Speaker 4: actually apologized too. Whoa, So what happens when a crazy 1026 00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:17,360 Speaker 4: reddit responsibility for your crap? What people respond to it? 1027 00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:21,560 Speaker 1: They're talking this through, they're communicating correctly. What was as if? 1028 00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:22,400 Speaker 4: We don't need Reddit? 1029 00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:24,400 Speaker 2: I don't even think we can just wrap it up here. 1030 00:46:24,440 --> 00:46:27,719 Speaker 4: Yeah, honestly. So, he told me that he never intended 1031 00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:29,719 Speaker 4: to back out of our agreement. He just became so 1032 00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:32,080 Speaker 4: overwhelmed that he was unsure he was capable of caring 1033 00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:34,840 Speaker 4: for our daughter properly. He apologized for giving up so 1034 00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:37,799 Speaker 4: fast and suggested that I w f H, which I 1035 00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:39,880 Speaker 4: don't know what that means. He told me that no 1036 00:46:39,920 --> 00:46:42,080 Speaker 4: matter what we decided to do, I should not leave 1037 00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:44,319 Speaker 4: my practice. At the end of his apologies, he said 1038 00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:46,399 Speaker 4: that he wanted to give being a stay at home 1039 00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:49,040 Speaker 4: dad another shot. Good, Okay, cool, because I guess he 1040 00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:50,479 Speaker 4: was just very overwhelmed in the moment. 1041 00:46:50,600 --> 00:46:50,799 Speaker 1: Yeah. 1042 00:46:50,880 --> 00:46:51,080 Speaker 2: Yeah. 1043 00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:53,360 Speaker 4: We then had a very long conversation about how we 1044 00:46:53,360 --> 00:46:55,440 Speaker 4: would handle things from there. He told me that caring 1045 00:46:55,440 --> 00:46:57,640 Speaker 4: for our daughter was not the overwhelming part. It was 1046 00:46:57,680 --> 00:46:59,680 Speaker 4: trying to keep up with the cooking and cleaning that 1047 00:46:59,719 --> 00:47:03,200 Speaker 4: was interesting. So we decided to hire a maid and 1048 00:47:03,200 --> 00:47:05,319 Speaker 4: buy one of those meal kit delivery services. 1049 00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:05,600 Speaker 2: Ok. 1050 00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:10,200 Speaker 4: Problem solved. Am okay, Wow, they're collaborating, they're working together. 1051 00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:10,880 Speaker 2: Nice. 1052 00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:13,319 Speaker 4: He joined one of those new parents support groups to 1053 00:47:13,360 --> 00:47:14,840 Speaker 4: help reduce his isolation. 1054 00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:17,520 Speaker 2: Nice. Okay, I love this. 1055 00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:20,240 Speaker 4: Three times a week, my sister in law has agreed 1056 00:47:20,280 --> 00:47:22,680 Speaker 4: to come over to babysit for a few hours so 1057 00:47:22,719 --> 00:47:24,839 Speaker 4: he can go to the gym or have some meat time. 1058 00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:25,359 Speaker 2: Nice. 1059 00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:27,840 Speaker 4: I also told him that at any point he feels 1060 00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:29,840 Speaker 4: like he can't be a stay at home dad anymore, 1061 00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:30,840 Speaker 4: to please tell me. 1062 00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:31,400 Speaker 2: Okay. 1063 00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:33,360 Speaker 4: I made it very clear that while I would be 1064 00:47:33,440 --> 00:47:36,560 Speaker 4: slightly disappointed, I would be much more disappointing knowing that 1065 00:47:36,640 --> 00:47:39,600 Speaker 4: he was burnt out and upset while caring for our daughter, 1066 00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:43,040 Speaker 4: which makes sense. Since then, we've also taken steps to 1067 00:47:43,080 --> 00:47:45,760 Speaker 4: strengthen our marriage, going on date nights once a week. 1068 00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:48,920 Speaker 4: I don't yet feel comfortable leaving our daughter with anyone 1069 00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:51,600 Speaker 4: besides families, so most of these date nights include long 1070 00:47:51,640 --> 00:47:54,600 Speaker 4: walks while pushing her in a stroller, on Netflix, and 1071 00:47:54,640 --> 00:47:56,840 Speaker 4: take out on the couch. But hey, it's working. 1072 00:47:57,080 --> 00:47:58,600 Speaker 2: Nice, it's not their dates. 1073 00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:03,319 Speaker 4: So addressing the whole poking holes in the thing, riley, Ah, 1074 00:48:06,840 --> 00:48:08,759 Speaker 4: I know, I do not think this happened, so I 1075 00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:10,800 Speaker 4: honestly did not even bother asked my husband this. I 1076 00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:13,440 Speaker 4: felt that an accusation of this magnitude would be detrimental 1077 00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:15,359 Speaker 4: to our marriage, especially when it was already in such 1078 00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:17,840 Speaker 4: a fragile state. My husband has agreed to get a 1079 00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:20,440 Speaker 4: SECT to me so we don't have any more happy accidents. 1080 00:48:20,520 --> 00:48:23,680 Speaker 4: Nice snip, snip. He is scheduled for that later this year, 1081 00:48:23,719 --> 00:48:27,439 Speaker 4: and we are obstaining from PIV until then. This whole 1082 00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:29,879 Speaker 4: situation has made me realize I needed to go back 1083 00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:30,520 Speaker 4: to therapy. 1084 00:48:30,760 --> 00:48:32,680 Speaker 1: Oh wow, nice, nice, amazing. 1085 00:48:32,719 --> 00:48:35,320 Speaker 4: I've been seeing my therapist for about six weeks now. 1086 00:48:35,600 --> 00:48:38,840 Speaker 4: My CSA hasn't impacted my life for about eight years 1087 00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:41,000 Speaker 4: prior to this, but having my daughter and dealing with 1088 00:48:41,040 --> 00:48:44,400 Speaker 4: postpartum anxiety has stirred up some really dark thoughts. I 1089 00:48:44,480 --> 00:48:47,239 Speaker 4: know that I'm being overprotective due to my trauma, and 1090 00:48:47,280 --> 00:48:48,840 Speaker 4: I want to work through this so that could be 1091 00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:50,520 Speaker 4: a good mother and a good partner. A lot of 1092 00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:52,239 Speaker 4: people told me to leave my husband, and I'm sure 1093 00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:54,080 Speaker 4: a lot of people reading this may think I'm making 1094 00:48:54,120 --> 00:48:56,600 Speaker 4: a mistake. I know I am not. My husband had 1095 00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:58,440 Speaker 4: a weak moment and broke down, but he does not 1096 00:48:58,480 --> 00:49:01,800 Speaker 4: have a pattern of being unreliable tones or unsupportive. He 1097 00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:04,240 Speaker 4: supported me through my final two years of med school, 1098 00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:06,600 Speaker 4: which is a lot nice. There's a lot to support 1099 00:49:06,600 --> 00:49:09,560 Speaker 4: someone through and throughout my residency as well. Please try 1100 00:49:09,600 --> 00:49:12,080 Speaker 4: to remember that my post highlighted the worst moment our relationship. 1101 00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:14,040 Speaker 4: It did not show the eight wonderful years we have 1102 00:49:14,160 --> 00:49:16,440 Speaker 4: had together. That is the end of the story. But 1103 00:49:16,600 --> 00:49:18,120 Speaker 4: I just want to say, shout out them. 1104 00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:18,960 Speaker 2: That's huge. 1105 00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:22,800 Speaker 4: They're doing everything right. She's trying to see his perspective, 1106 00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:26,719 Speaker 4: he's trying to see her perspective. They're having mature emotionally 1107 00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:31,799 Speaker 4: intimate conversations. They're seeing the nuance, they're coming up with 1108 00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:36,000 Speaker 4: solutions collaboratively. They're trying to help him out with the workload. 1109 00:49:36,080 --> 00:49:37,640 Speaker 2: The sister's coming in and helping out. 1110 00:49:37,719 --> 00:49:40,840 Speaker 4: Sisters coming out. He's in that pure group. Honestly, this 1111 00:49:40,960 --> 00:49:43,400 Speaker 4: is the number one success story I've seen on Reddit. 1112 00:49:43,440 --> 00:49:46,080 Speaker 2: Honestly, I think so same. Yeah, I don't think I've 1113 00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:48,600 Speaker 2: seen these steps that they've taken to make sure that 1114 00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:51,520 Speaker 2: their relationship stays together. I don't think I've seen it. 1115 00:49:51,760 --> 00:49:54,600 Speaker 2: And it does help that they have the resources money 1116 00:49:54,600 --> 00:49:55,560 Speaker 2: wise to do these things. 1117 00:49:56,239 --> 00:49:58,239 Speaker 4: Not anyone not even gonna get a maid or a 1118 00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:01,040 Speaker 4: meal kid. It's great that they have. 1119 00:50:01,200 --> 00:50:04,280 Speaker 2: That they're able to do that. Yes, let's just hope 1120 00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:07,480 Speaker 2: two years from now is three years from now, they're 1121 00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:10,080 Speaker 2: able to like still keep it up because being a 1122 00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:13,120 Speaker 2: stay home parent. Oh my gosh, you guys, I don't 1123 00:50:13,120 --> 00:50:15,480 Speaker 2: see how you guys do it. It's wild, that's wild 1124 00:50:15,520 --> 00:50:16,880 Speaker 2: a lot. My mom had to keep up with me 1125 00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:19,439 Speaker 2: and my brother growing up. I don't see your brother. 1126 00:50:19,800 --> 00:50:22,120 Speaker 2: He's like like eighteen months younger than me. 1127 00:50:22,280 --> 00:50:25,959 Speaker 4: Okay, so like very close knenedge, like two boys growing up. Yeah, 1128 00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:28,440 Speaker 4: my mom was to stay at home mom and raised 1129 00:50:28,440 --> 00:50:29,040 Speaker 4: me and my brother. 1130 00:50:29,320 --> 00:50:33,120 Speaker 2: Wow, how what's what's the difference between you guys two 1131 00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:36,240 Speaker 2: years younger, he's two years older. Okay, so yeah, yeah, 1132 00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:39,879 Speaker 2: let's saying oh wow, yeah, oh my gosh, it's a lot, 1133 00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:40,480 Speaker 2: it's a lot. 1134 00:50:40,719 --> 00:50:42,360 Speaker 4: Yeah. So shout out these people. 1135 00:50:42,719 --> 00:50:43,359 Speaker 2: Yeah. 1136 00:50:43,640 --> 00:50:43,879 Speaker 4: Story