Speaker 1: Your wild talk. Baby. This parenting ship is hard. I agree,
Speaker 1: but I also know that if anybody try to mess
Speaker 1: up my kids, it's a problem. It's a problems. Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm Cadine and we're the Ellises. You may know us
Speaker 1: from posting funny videos with our boys and reading each
Speaker 1: other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make
Speaker 1: you need derby most days. Wow. And one more important
Speaker 1: thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created this
Speaker 1: podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics,
Speaker 1: things most folks don't want to talk about through the
Speaker 1: lens of a millennium married couple. Dead as is the
Speaker 1: term that we say every day. So when we say
Speaker 1: dead asks, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth,
Speaker 1: and nothing but the truth. Were about to take Phillow
Speaker 1: Talk to a whole new level. Dead starts right now.
Speaker 1: This time, in particular, is a few years back. This
Speaker 1: is a few years back. Um. This is when we
Speaker 1: really started doing social media and I kind of stumbled
Speaker 1: on creating the videos of our family, especially with the kids.
Speaker 1: And it was around the time when Jackson started to
Speaker 1: lose his teeth, and I remember Jackson started losing his teeth.
Speaker 1: And then Cairo at the time was speaking his gibberish
Speaker 1: on social media, and I remember seeing comments from people, right,
Speaker 1: and the comments were, when are you gonna get that
Speaker 1: child's teeth fixed? And then Cairo was Cairo was um
Speaker 1: speaking English, He's not gonna speak properly. Yeah, he speaking,
Speaker 1: was speaking gibbering. He was speaking gibberish and baby talking.
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, he almost two years old. He should
Speaker 1: be speaking English by now. Y'all need to get that
Speaker 1: checked out. And I remember feeling like everybody is like
Speaker 1: a social media parent, you know what I'm saying, Like
Speaker 1: that everybody can diagnose your kids through a sixty second
Speaker 1: video because at this point the video was only sixty seconds,
Speaker 1: but everybody knew exactly what we need to do as parents, right.
Speaker 1: And at first I was like becoming very defensive because
Speaker 1: I was like, I gotta protect my kids because I
Speaker 1: don't want my kids to ever watch something and then say, dang,
Speaker 1: like something is wrong with me based on other people's comments,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. But then I saw to realize, like,
Speaker 1: you know, this is a glimpse into what the world
Speaker 1: is going to be like for my kids. So I
Speaker 1: have to teach my kids rather than coddle them and
Speaker 1: protect them. I have to teach my kids how to
Speaker 1: deal with people on the outside saying and believing things
Speaker 1: about them when they don't really know them. My good
Speaker 1: says the late Whitney Houston. You know, we're talking about kids.
Speaker 1: We're talking about raising them, relationships and all that good
Speaker 1: stuff co parenting. So I felt like it was appropriate
Speaker 1: because you know, it's all about the children. I believe
Speaker 1: the children are our future. Teach them well and then
Speaker 1: lead the way, show them all the beauty they possess inside. Somebody,
Speaker 1: did you just do to Come into America version? I
Speaker 1: might have literally give them a sense of pride to
Speaker 1: make it easier. I mean we should, That's what we're
Speaker 1: supposed to do as parents, right. First of all, you
Speaker 1: don't like doing karaoke, but whenever you do karaoke, you
Speaker 1: choose the singer with the greatest vocal for us, for
Speaker 1: whit Houston. She went to Whitney Houston. Then didn't even
Speaker 1: do the Whitney Houston version you did to come into America.
Speaker 1: Tried to do the way we use the version. You
Speaker 1: gotta make it funny at that point, because there's no
Speaker 1: way I can hold a note, not even if you
Speaker 1: put it in my hand. So, yeah, story time about
Speaker 1: Jackson and when you're gonna get this kid brasid. Somebody
Speaker 1: actually recently commented that, like I'm gonna say this again.
Speaker 1: I'm going to ask this one more time, bitch. We
Speaker 1: didn't ask you the first time, So are you asking
Speaker 1: me again when I'm gonna get my child's teeth face?
Speaker 1: First of all, mind your business. Second of all, if
Speaker 1: you are you an authodontist. Third of all, did you
Speaker 1: not know that there's a certain age that children are
Speaker 1: eligible to get braces? And he hasn't reached that port yet.
Speaker 1: Have you been in this X rays You haven't. So
Speaker 1: it's just like mind your business, gentleness, and maybe there's
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with his teeth, how about that? Like mind
Speaker 1: your business. Like I said in my sound bite, don't
Speaker 1: mess with my kids. That's the one thing that's just
Speaker 1: off limits as a parent for me. At least. You're
Speaker 1: talking about my husband, but don't talk about just don't
Speaker 1: know about any of these men. Let me with my areas,
Speaker 1: let me take let me take these off because I'll
Speaker 1: be ready to. We're gonna jump into the meat of
Speaker 1: the show. We have a special guest today who's going
Speaker 1: to talk to us about a couple of different things.
Speaker 1: We're gonna st Pearl's worthy hold on you and you
Speaker 1: kind of is that you want to jump into the meat.
Speaker 1: That's Paul's worthy. I can do that. I can't just
Speaker 1: jump into anybody meet not anybody. Are you jumping into
Speaker 1: my meat? I mean you next to me? So it's
Speaker 1: you get Technico down. So that a whole different show,
Speaker 1: different show, you know, I'm go ahead. That's how we became.
Speaker 1: That's how we became. That on the disclaimer for this episode,
Speaker 1: So our guest Todays were talking about a couple of
Speaker 1: different things. We're gonna be talking about co parenting U
Speaker 1: after a divorce, We're gonna talk about autism, We're gonna
Speaker 1: talk about all the things. Um with a really really
Speaker 1: funny mama. Alright, so joining us to have a fellow mom.
Speaker 1: Actually met this amazing woman at the Mom Friends. I
Speaker 1: want to say maybe like three years ago at this point,
Speaker 1: I don't know. After the pandemic, I'm like, the time
Speaker 1: is all jumbled for me, But that was probably one
Speaker 1: of the last times that I was able to get
Speaker 1: together with an amazing group of women who were also moms,
Speaker 1: Black moms that were there for support, for laughs, for cries.
Speaker 1: It was just a great, great time. Um. So she's
Speaker 1: a fellow boy mom as well, author, chef, and builder
Speaker 1: Katrice Pedro, also known as the Funny Mama on the Internet.
Speaker 1: And she's funny to tell y'all, Like literally every single
Speaker 1: video that she puts out. I promise you I can
Speaker 1: relate to um a true multitasking queen catrices. Transparency about
Speaker 1: her real life experiences comes through funny skits on TikTok uh,
Speaker 1: the d i y projects that she shares on YouTube,
Speaker 1: recipes on her cookbook All sorts of suat. You could
Speaker 1: probably tell us a little bit more about yourself better
Speaker 1: than I can. So I just want to introduce you
Speaker 1: guys to Kadris a k A the Funny Mama. Tell
Speaker 1: everybody a little bit more about yourself. Hi, how are
Speaker 1: you guys knowing? Good? Yep? I'm a mom of two boys,
Speaker 1: a teenager and a four year old soon to be
Speaker 1: five in two weeks. Um, both have attitude attitudes my blessing.
Speaker 1: Um yeah, I'm a chef. I actually dropped out of
Speaker 1: culinary school, and then five years later was asked to
Speaker 1: teach at the culinary school I dropped out of. And
Speaker 1: that was kind of my motivation of like, okay, you
Speaker 1: should write, if you should do a cookbook, you shouldn't,
Speaker 1: you know, So I kind of just started everything for me,
Speaker 1: just started hitting me. I've been a mom for fifteen
Speaker 1: years now, but I didn't really start diving into who
Speaker 1: I was until about four years ago. And my my followers,
Speaker 1: who I call my tribe, have just been following me
Speaker 1: on this journey of rediscovery and figuring out who I am.
Speaker 1: And you know, I'm working on right now, gentle parenting.
Speaker 1: That's been my biggest thing. So I'm just I share
Speaker 1: everything with with my um, with my tribe, and they've
Speaker 1: helped me out of postpartum depression. And you know, like
Speaker 1: I said, figuring out who I am, because everybody's still
Speaker 1: always growing and and and trying to discover themselves. And
Speaker 1: I'm just very lucky to have a wonderful community of
Speaker 1: mothers who encouraged me and help me and give me
Speaker 1: advice stuff, and I think I'm doing the same for them.
Speaker 1: That's what's well. I have a question because a large
Speaker 1: part of our audience is relationship based. So do you
Speaker 1: mind talking a little bit about your relationship or your
Speaker 1: relationships or lack there. Well, I just got divorced, well
Speaker 1: technically have been married twice. I got married when I
Speaker 1: was nineteen, Um, and it was because I got pregnant
Speaker 1: with my son and we both knew it just wasn't
Speaker 1: the right thing to do. You know, that ended pretty quickly.
Speaker 1: So I don't think either one of us really count
Speaker 1: that because we're kids. We can't even drink. Yeah, yeah
Speaker 1: you could drink. No. On our honeymoon, we were like
Speaker 1: trying to We went on a crew. We were trying
Speaker 1: to find like, you know, the right bartender that well
Speaker 1: let us. Yes, we're like, we're married. We just had
Speaker 1: a baby now and it was but now we were
Speaker 1: co parent wonderfully and we we have a great co
Speaker 1: parenting relationship. Um. So that's my older son, my oldest son,
Speaker 1: c J. And then I recently divorced. I was in
Speaker 1: a relationship for ten years and um, you know, sometimes
Speaker 1: you you have to choose yourself, you know, you as
Speaker 1: a mom, I feel like you we we put this
Speaker 1: pressure on ourselves to make sure that the kids are
Speaker 1: happy and you think that staying in the marriage is
Speaker 1: what makes makes that happen. Um, and you don't notice
Speaker 1: that they see all of these things. And as a
Speaker 1: mom of boys, especially for me, I felt like it
Speaker 1: was important for them to not only know how a
Speaker 1: woman is supposed to be treated, but how when a
Speaker 1: woman isn't treated the correct way, you can lose that woman.
Speaker 1: For me, I I chose myself a question after getting
Speaker 1: being married the first time, What made you say I
Speaker 1: want to get married again? Because most people who are
Speaker 1: married who say I'm getting a divorce say they'll never
Speaker 1: do it again, and they end up getting married again.
Speaker 1: What was your reason for getting married again? Well, I
Speaker 1: think the first time, like I said, the first time
Speaker 1: I got married, I just don't even consider it. I'm married,
Speaker 1: Like neither one of us do. We even when we
Speaker 1: talked about it, we like laugh about it. Kid. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was like, I mean, I had already had the baby,
Speaker 1: like CDJ had already been born. But I think we
Speaker 1: just felt kind of like, it's just it just happened
Speaker 1: so quick and we were really doing it so that
Speaker 1: it will be okay, Right, I'm having the baby will
Speaker 1: be okay. So when I got married this last There
Speaker 1: was a lot of factors on why I got married,
Speaker 1: none of which were for you know, the right reasons.
Speaker 1: But but one of the main reasons was because, um,
Speaker 1: I've I've my entire adult life have dealt with like, um,
Speaker 1: five broys and ovariances. So I've had to have four
Speaker 1: surgeries before, and um my doctor told me basically, you
Speaker 1: have two years to have another baby, and if you don't,
Speaker 1: it's very high risk, it's extremely dangerous, you know, stuff
Speaker 1: like that. So I went to my them boyfriend, we
Speaker 1: have been together for four years, and I basically was like, look,
Speaker 1: I want to have another kid. Let me know if
Speaker 1: marriage isn't what you see for us, because then you know,
Speaker 1: I got, I got my clock is ticking. And some
Speaker 1: people saw that as wrong, like they like I was
Speaker 1: putting pressure on for me. I felt like, I, I mean,
Speaker 1: I know that I want to have another kid. Marrying me, yes, Like, well,
Speaker 1: then I gotta go. And he did say something that
Speaker 1: that was true that that always sticks with me, said
Speaker 1: one of us is going to resent the other if
Speaker 1: we don't have a baby, you know, or or if
Speaker 1: we don't get married in your time frame us up,
Speaker 1: You're gonna be pissed at me. You're gonna hate me.
Speaker 1: And with him, he didn't want to have a baby
Speaker 1: right then. That wasn't what he wanted to do. And
Speaker 1: he didn't even want to get you know married for real.
Speaker 1: Um but he but he hadn't a proposal to me
Speaker 1: and we ended up getting you know married, sound familiar.
Speaker 1: We had. We did a whole episode about monogamy and
Speaker 1: I used the word pressure, and women came for me
Speaker 1: like one of those patrice you came from my husband.
Speaker 1: Of course, because the minute you say pressure, women get
Speaker 1: defensive because they feel like it's not pressure, it's me
Speaker 1: telling you what I want and what I need and
Speaker 1: make a decision. Yes, I feel like it's just like
Speaker 1: a man that could be transparent and say I don't
Speaker 1: want to have kids or I don't want to get married.
Speaker 1: That's fine. But I don't think it's wrong for me
Speaker 1: to say I do want to get married, I do
Speaker 1: want to have kids, and if that's not in your plan,
Speaker 1: that's fine, and let me go and go be with
Speaker 1: a person who does want to get I understand that.
Speaker 1: But here's my counter argument. If a man were to
Speaker 1: quote unquote pressure a woman to have kids, he would
Speaker 1: be considered wrong because there have been women who came
Speaker 1: for me who have been like, why you keep asking
Speaker 1: Codeine to have kids. That's her decision. You shouldn't be
Speaker 1: pressuring her to have kids. To me, it just seems
Speaker 1: a little hypocritical. If a man says what he wants
Speaker 1: is considered pressure, and that's not fair. But if a
Speaker 1: woman says what she wants, it's I'm just telling you
Speaker 1: what I need, and you have a right to say, yeah,
Speaker 1: your name. Well, I didn't think of another child was
Speaker 1: pressure per se, because I think it was a joint decision,
Speaker 1: and I think ultimately you were allowing me to say,
Speaker 1: it's my body, so I can do with it what
Speaker 1: I please. But as a married couple who plans for
Speaker 1: our life and plans for our future, it was worth
Speaker 1: the discussion. So you had to let me know how
Speaker 1: you felt about it, and then in turn me be like,
Speaker 1: all right, this is something I don't know he wants.
Speaker 1: Let's see if it's something I'm willing to do as well. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I'm not even talking about us thinking it was pressure.
Speaker 1: I'm talking about some people who are not in relationships,
Speaker 1: single people who wonder like, how how could I even
Speaker 1: be in a relationship if someone is going to quote
Speaker 1: unquote pressure me. Whereas when you think about it now,
Speaker 1: it isn't pressure. We both as individuals have the right
Speaker 1: to say what we want and what we need, right
Speaker 1: and we already like kind of laughed at Katris, We
Speaker 1: were laughing at single people having such opinions about married people.
Speaker 1: So what was it for you that kind of was
Speaker 1: a trigger when you heard that monogamy clip from to
Speaker 1: Valenti because you said you were one of those people
Speaker 1: that got on him. Well, because I feel like there's
Speaker 1: a difference between pressure and an ultimatum. I feel like
Speaker 1: if I'm saying, hey, I really want to have a baby,
Speaker 1: I only have two years to have a baby, just
Speaker 1: let me know where your mind is at. That is like,
Speaker 1: it is me applying pressure. But is it me being
Speaker 1: like if you if you don't choose to have a
Speaker 1: baby with me, that I'm out. Then there's a difference
Speaker 1: if I'm saying you have to or I'm gone, You're
Speaker 1: You're never gonna see me. That really wasn't me. It
Speaker 1: was really me saying where is your mind? That were
Speaker 1: We are adults and this is us talking about a future.
Speaker 1: We've been together for five years now, are we moving
Speaker 1: in the direction of getting married and having a baby?
Speaker 1: Because if not, I need to make a decision for
Speaker 1: myself and my future because is it wrong? Then would
Speaker 1: it be wrong for me to say, let me not
Speaker 1: say anything, none, let me just sit here and hope
Speaker 1: that's something? Absolutely not? The thing is I agree that
Speaker 1: you have the right to do that, but I do
Speaker 1: also agree that it's pressure and it is an ultimatum.
Speaker 1: But yeah, but what we have to stay up doing
Speaker 1: is demonizing people who are saying I need this for me.
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with it, you see that. The problem
Speaker 1: is is that people create a negative connotation and and
Speaker 1: me being one of those people, I was immature at
Speaker 1: that point in my life. I didn't understand why it
Speaker 1: had to be that way. Why does everything have to
Speaker 1: be on your terms and when you want it and
Speaker 1: when you need it? But when you think about it,
Speaker 1: you only get one life. If you don't vocalize what
Speaker 1: you want and what you need, you'll never get in
Speaker 1: a relationship what you want and what you need. And
Speaker 1: I think that's in part what you know, what we're
Speaker 1: trying to teach people, not even teach people to show
Speaker 1: people that if you're willing to be of service to
Speaker 1: your partner and your partner is willing to be of
Speaker 1: service to you, when they tell you what they want
Speaker 1: and when they need, you won't even take it as
Speaker 1: an ultimatum. It's just open forms of communication. Absolutely. But
Speaker 1: I also think at the same time, when somebody tells
Speaker 1: you what they want, listen to them because they need
Speaker 1: getting married. No, that's that's a great point, and it
Speaker 1: I can say, I can say a lot of things,
Speaker 1: but he was honest from the beginning. He really was
Speaker 1: not trying to have another baby. He really was not.
Speaker 1: He would say he wants, he knew he wanted to
Speaker 1: marry me, but he just wasn't ready at that time.
Speaker 1: That's for me, it was like I got I got
Speaker 1: things to do. You know how how much more of
Speaker 1: my life? Five We've been together five years, and for
Speaker 1: me it's like that's you know, that's a long as
Speaker 1: time proposed. Um, would you have moved out because you
Speaker 1: just had this timeline that you were working on, So
Speaker 1: would you have been like, damn, I you don't want
Speaker 1: to propose, or you don't want a baby now, so
Speaker 1: I don't have to just go do me. I mean
Speaker 1: that is what happened. At first. We broke up for
Speaker 1: months because he just he was like, I can't give
Speaker 1: you an answer, and I was like, that's fine. There's
Speaker 1: no love loss, there's no beef. I need to step
Speaker 1: back so I could figure out what you know it
Speaker 1: was right for me. Then we ended up getting back
Speaker 1: together and he proposed a couple of months later. See
Speaker 1: that that is the epitome of pressure in an ultimate
Speaker 1: at them. But but the thing is, it's not wrong.
Speaker 1: It's your life, like like this, this is what we
Speaker 1: have to do. Stop doing two people right. If someone
Speaker 1: says this is what I need and I want, right,
Speaker 1: everyone knows has a problem with that person saying that
Speaker 1: that's wrong. You can't be mad at Katrice for doing that,
Speaker 1: the same way I can't be mad at you for
Speaker 1: doing that to me. You see what I'm saying. The
Speaker 1: problem is that when you ask people to tell them
Speaker 1: to tell you the truth, and they tell you the truth,
Speaker 1: then you get mad at their truth. I think a
Speaker 1: lot of times to we get wrapped up in the
Speaker 1: word like pressure, ultimatum when we're not really even listening
Speaker 1: to like what it is that the person needs is
Speaker 1: just thinking that the negative connotation around the world like pressure, ultimatum,
Speaker 1: or you're allowing your spouse to do something like there's
Speaker 1: certain things that are trigger words. I think for people
Speaker 1: that sometimes makes it worse than what the actual ask is.
Speaker 1: You know. Yeah, and I think that the wrong person
Speaker 1: ends up being called selfish because is it's selfish to
Speaker 1: ask or what you want? Or is it is it
Speaker 1: selfish for you to do something to keep someone but
Speaker 1: you really didn't want to do it, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like you you don't want to lose the
Speaker 1: person to someone else, so you're like, well, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: marry them and keep them so I don't lose them.
Speaker 1: But this isn't really what I want to do, so
Speaker 1: I know I'm not gonna be all the way in.
Speaker 1: Then it's like, well then what's It's a very there's
Speaker 1: there's a very fine line on both ads all what
Speaker 1: is right to do because it's like, you want to
Speaker 1: speak up for yourself, you want two, you want to
Speaker 1: ask for what you want. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: I think my issue is when men say they were pressured,
Speaker 1: but it's like nobody had a gun to your head.
Speaker 1: You could have said no. So now you're going into
Speaker 1: something that you knew you really didn't want to go into.
Speaker 1: You're an adult just like I am, so maybe you
Speaker 1: shouldn't have gone gone into it. So I mean marriage there,
Speaker 1: I mean there's ton of books on marriage, but it
Speaker 1: doesn't mean anybody knows what they're talking about. It's so
Speaker 1: it's so difficult. It's very very hard. Yeah, you're bringing
Speaker 1: to different people who are raised by two different parents,
Speaker 1: you know, and trying to create this union that's going
Speaker 1: to last forever, and it's just it just sometimes doesn't
Speaker 1: work well. Can I say this all the time that
Speaker 1: everyone claims to be an expert on marriage and we're
Speaker 1: all just guessing, like we don't know what works, Like
Speaker 1: you're kind of just trying to figure it out. But
Speaker 1: the only way you can honestly find a way to
Speaker 1: exist in your marriage happily if both people are willing
Speaker 1: to say exactly what they want and what they need
Speaker 1: in real time, and if your spouse is willing to
Speaker 1: be of service to your wants and needs, that's the
Speaker 1: only way it's gonna work. And yeah, and there there's
Speaker 1: no one the way that's going to fit all marriages,
Speaker 1: Like it works for us, is not gonna work for
Speaker 1: probably of everybody else. So it's like, there's no reason
Speaker 1: to say follow this format because that shop ain't gonna
Speaker 1: work for everybody else. Need. Yeah, it's make your own
Speaker 1: rules and but make sure you keep the respect for
Speaker 1: one another and for sure for sure. So now you're
Speaker 1: fairly new to the co parenting journey. So this episode
Speaker 1: is going to touch on a couple of different things. Um,
Speaker 1: co parenting, what's that looking like for you when it
Speaker 1: comes to because you have two sons and you have
Speaker 1: two different age reads fifteen and almost five, right and alost. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so with the fifteen year old, Like I said, we
Speaker 1: were kids. So the first five years we hated each other,
Speaker 1: like we were like you were in my life. Why
Speaker 1: do we get there? That was so dumb. Now to
Speaker 1: say that I'm divorced and I'm twenty three at that point,
Speaker 1: you know, like this is so dumb. Whatever. We just
Speaker 1: it took us a while to get to the point
Speaker 1: where we um could really communicate, and then it just
Speaker 1: grew into a friendship where we realized we once you
Speaker 1: seriously put your child first, Like people say it all
Speaker 1: the time. They're like, I do this for my kid,
Speaker 1: I do this, and it's like, you can clearly see
Speaker 1: that you have not romantically cut yourself off from this person.
Speaker 1: It's not you did it for your doing it for
Speaker 1: the kids. You're doing it for yourself. And if you're
Speaker 1: doing it for the kids, you wouldn't be yelling in
Speaker 1: front of kids. You would And I mean I was
Speaker 1: guilty of that too, you know. Um. And we got
Speaker 1: to the point where we really did sit down and say, look,
Speaker 1: we are going to be in each other's lives for
Speaker 1: the rest of our lives. I don't I'm too fucking
Speaker 1: exhausted chasing up for this little boy to now have
Speaker 1: to beef with you until the end of days. I can't.
Speaker 1: And we just kind of really shifted our perspective and
Speaker 1: we removed that hate because it's like we we still
Speaker 1: created this child together, we still have to raise this child,
Speaker 1: and him being a healthy and non toxic man one
Speaker 1: day is going to be based off of what he
Speaker 1: sees from us. So I think once we were able
Speaker 1: to adjust our you know are ways of thinking, um
Speaker 1: and really become a team. Now, like I said, we
Speaker 1: we joke, laugh whatever, I can call him and be
Speaker 1: like guess what this mother. We're like laughing, cracking up, whatever,
Speaker 1: and it's great. Um now now my new Now we're
Speaker 1: still in those five years a little bit. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think for me, like I've been obviously, I want
Speaker 1: to get to that healthy co parenting um place. And
Speaker 1: I feel like we we will get there. Um, it's
Speaker 1: just you know, sometimes people aren't. Sometimes people that we're
Speaker 1: you're just not on the same page and it's just
Speaker 1: gonna take a little bit of work to get to
Speaker 1: the same page. I think we handled our separation and
Speaker 1: divorce differently. As soon as I filed for a separation
Speaker 1: almost two years ago, I went started there. I'm like, look,
Speaker 1: I need to heal myself. I need to work on
Speaker 1: myself because although there was I can't say that I wasn't.
Speaker 1: I was just this perfect wife that did everything right.
Speaker 1: And at this point, I'm like, your your thirty four
Speaker 1: who at that point of your thirty three and you
Speaker 1: have now been divorced twice, you need to do some
Speaker 1: soul searching and figure out what then is going on? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like what's going on? You know? And and I did?
Speaker 1: I spent ah. I have an amazing therapist and she
Speaker 1: she readed me for folks a couple of times, and
Speaker 1: then she also just let me know, like to be
Speaker 1: gentle with myself, you know, because a lot of it
Speaker 1: was me ignoring red flags and having this feeling of something.
Speaker 1: Something she told me that stuck with me was, how however,
Speaker 1: whatever you saw growing up, wheathers on TV or your
Speaker 1: parents or whatever, whatever you saw, is how you envision
Speaker 1: your life growing up. Even if you don't even even
Speaker 1: if you're not even um like actually looking for you're
Speaker 1: you're not thinking about it. It's in the back of
Speaker 1: your head. So if you see your parents arguing all
Speaker 1: the time growing up, then in your mind, a healthy
Speaker 1: relationship is someone who you're arguing with all the time.
Speaker 1: So I would always go for the quote unquote bad
Speaker 1: boy who I was arguing with all the time. And
Speaker 1: if I wasn't arguing with you, it seemed boring. There's
Speaker 1: something wrong and I didn't know why. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: he's every this guy is great, he treats you so good,
Speaker 1: but no, he's not for me. It's because my growing up,
Speaker 1: you know, I saw a lot of arguing, not just
Speaker 1: on TV stuff like that. So for me that I
Speaker 1: felt normal. That was love. That's what love meant to me.
Speaker 1: And so that was another reason why I end up
Speaker 1: getting a divorce, was because I didn't want my kids
Speaker 1: to think and arguing and fussing and all of this.
Speaker 1: Obviously it happened. You know you're gonna argue, but you
Speaker 1: arguing and fussing more than showing love front of your kids,
Speaker 1: is I don't want this should just be a cycle
Speaker 1: where my kids are now in relationships with someone who
Speaker 1: you know. So, um, okay, I think that I have
Speaker 1: gotten to the place where I most certainly feel like
Speaker 1: I am. I am not completely healed, but really good.
Speaker 1: Um you know, I'm dating someone and I'm happy. And
Speaker 1: I just think that I I focused on myself first
Speaker 1: and on healing myself instead of like ignoring it and
Speaker 1: just putting it to backburn, act like it didn't happen.
Speaker 1: So hopefully one day we'll get on the same page
Speaker 1: where we can co parent very well. I mean, for now,
Speaker 1: it's there's no bad blood or anything like that, but
Speaker 1: it's definitely bad like with c J Dad, where we
Speaker 1: could joke labe, not like that right now. Well it's
Speaker 1: it's funny though, because our first five years of marriage
Speaker 1: and I would say co parenting was terrible. It was.
Speaker 1: It was horrible. Were divorce within our marriag debut three times,
Speaker 1: unbeknownst to the general public, but it was. It was
Speaker 1: pretty bad. But what is it about that first five
Speaker 1: years of marriage? I think it's what Katric said and
Speaker 1: what you and I talk about all the time. She
Speaker 1: grew up in a household where marriage looked a certain way.
Speaker 1: I grew up in a household where marriage looked a
Speaker 1: certain way, and without actively thinking that, you're trying to
Speaker 1: play out what you've seen in your life. I was
Speaker 1: trying to play out what I saw, and she was
Speaker 1: trying to play out what she saw. And when we
Speaker 1: didn't meet, we just blamed each other and like everything
Speaker 1: is just your fault. There was no accountability. There were
Speaker 1: very little conversations had to about it because I always
Speaker 1: talk about too how I don't feel like I was
Speaker 1: ever really prepared to be a wife, Like what does
Speaker 1: that look like? You know? But then on the converse
Speaker 1: side of that, even if my mom or my aunt's
Speaker 1: or some elder in my family were to prepare me
Speaker 1: to be a wife, that would be them using whatever tainted,
Speaker 1: jaded experience that they have had as a wife then
Speaker 1: inflicting that on me and me thinking that was like
Speaker 1: to be all that ended all, instead of looking to
Speaker 1: my husband to see, Okay, what is it that was
Speaker 1: going to make it work for us? You know. So
Speaker 1: that's something that it's kind of hard. But there's I
Speaker 1: had a lot of couples talk about that five year
Speaker 1: period where it's a lot of transitioning. Some people are
Speaker 1: just moving in together, so it's like trying to figure
Speaker 1: out living with someone for the first time as well
Speaker 1: as being married. Sometimes it's financial issues that are stresser.
Speaker 1: It's I mean, we got married and had a baby
Speaker 1: that was a honeymoon baby, so there were a lot
Speaker 1: of changes that happened right away. Um, so that first
Speaker 1: five years is a little touch and go becau treat
Speaker 1: You said something that I want I want you to
Speaker 1: follow up on. Um. You said that part of the
Speaker 1: reason why you got divorced is because you didn't want
Speaker 1: your son to see how you were being treated. And
Speaker 1: I always feel like as a as a boy, as
Speaker 1: a boy dad, there's gonna be two relationships that they're
Speaker 1: going to take with them for the rest of their life.
Speaker 1: It's how I treat their mom and how their mom
Speaker 1: treats them. That's how they're going to treat the woman
Speaker 1: that they choose to marry the rest of their life. Right, So,
Speaker 1: can you talk a little bit about co parenting in
Speaker 1: that space where dad is not in the home and
Speaker 1: you have a boy, because I have a lot there's
Speaker 1: a lot of single moms who are in my d
Speaker 1: M saying, like this video that you posted, you know,
Speaker 1: helped me with my son. How do you find it
Speaker 1: is parenting as a single mom two boys? Well, I
Speaker 1: think that you're actually missing one other relationship that's important
Speaker 1: and that's the way that um, the mom treats the dad.
Speaker 1: Oh absolutely, yeah, yeah, Um so I think and I
Speaker 1: do want to circle back on that because I wish
Speaker 1: there's so many Like I said, I was not perfect.
Speaker 1: So even the way that I reacted to things, or
Speaker 1: the way that I behaved in certain or I would
Speaker 1: say the way that I reacted was was not necessarily. Um,
Speaker 1: the way that if I saw one of my sons
Speaker 1: they were dating someone as they acted that way, we're
Speaker 1: about to I'm gonna be like, regardless of what my
Speaker 1: kid did. Like, so it's like even just get just
Speaker 1: showing them the respect you need to have for a
Speaker 1: person um. But the reason why I said, the way
Speaker 1: the mom treats the dad too. Obviously, yes, the dad
Speaker 1: does need to treat the mom a certain way, and
Speaker 1: you need to to show that how important it is
Speaker 1: to to, you know, treat the mom the way she's
Speaker 1: supposed to be treated. But I think it's the other
Speaker 1: way too, especially when it comes to feelings. And that
Speaker 1: is something that I have learned through therapy and I
Speaker 1: have applied to my new relationship where I am encouraging
Speaker 1: him to tell me how he feels from the beginning,
Speaker 1: and I literally in the beginning he was acting like,
Speaker 1: you know, be so tough, you so cool, whatever, And
Speaker 1: I was like, look, if that's how you're about to be,
Speaker 1: that's fine, but it's not for me. Okay, I haven't
Speaker 1: been arounding block. I'm not about to do this again.
Speaker 1: So you we need a talk, need to be open.
Speaker 1: And because I'm encouraging him to tell me his feelings
Speaker 1: and you know whatever, it's it's opened up a whole
Speaker 1: another like part of a relationship that I didn't even
Speaker 1: know you could have with the man where you feel
Speaker 1: not only do I feel comfortable being vulnerable with you,
Speaker 1: but you feel comfortable being vulnerable with me and grow
Speaker 1: Like raising boys, I feel like it's this huge circle
Speaker 1: where you have a son and then you teach him
Speaker 1: he needs to be tough, you can't cry, you can't
Speaker 1: do this, blah blah blah. Then they get into a
Speaker 1: relationship with a girl who likes him so much because
Speaker 1: he seems macho and tough and he's gonna protect me
Speaker 1: or whatever. But then the end of divorce because he
Speaker 1: never told me how he felt, or he act like
Speaker 1: he didn't care, whatever, And it's like okay. But then
Speaker 1: y'all had a kid who you're now raising to be
Speaker 1: macho and and it's like a whole circle boy over
Speaker 1: and over. And it's that aspect of showing boys that
Speaker 1: it's okay to be vulnerable and and and show their feelings.
Speaker 1: And even with my oldest son, I was the mom
Speaker 1: when he was younger, like you can't cry. You're a boy,
Speaker 1: you can't do this, you can't do that, you know,
Speaker 1: And and I was hard on him. I'm hard on
Speaker 1: my nieces too, you know, like is it worth you crying?
Speaker 1: Is it? You know? Which is crazy because I'm a
Speaker 1: cry baby. But I think because I never wanted them
Speaker 1: to be a cry baby like me. I'm like, why
Speaker 1: are you crying? But I think now that my son
Speaker 1: is older and this happened too, I put him in
Speaker 1: therapy when we got divorced, too, and a lot of
Speaker 1: those things came out. We were able to talk to
Speaker 1: each other, and it was like, once I gave him
Speaker 1: permission to be vulnerable with me, now now he's telling
Speaker 1: me stuff that I don't think he would have ever
Speaker 1: told me before, and now it's changed our relationships. So
Speaker 1: while I think it is extremely important to demonstrate, you know,
Speaker 1: how how a mom should be treated, how how a
Speaker 1: husband should treat a wife, I also feel like it
Speaker 1: is equally important to not only show how a mom
Speaker 1: shooting or or a wife should encourage a husband to
Speaker 1: share his feelings, but a man being comfortable sharing his
Speaker 1: feelings too. We we were just talking about that without boys,
Speaker 1: because there's a balance, because I'm definitely that dad that's
Speaker 1: just like, yo, is that worth crying? Sucked the tears up?
Speaker 1: It's not, that's not necessary. But I'm also the dad
Speaker 1: they'd be like, Okay, you need to cry, Come cry
Speaker 1: with me, because I want my my boys to understand
Speaker 1: that you can only be vulnerable with people you trust.
Speaker 1: You know, you can't just go out there in the
Speaker 1: world and just be vulnerable with anybody. People gonna take
Speaker 1: advantage of you. So vulnerability is supposed to be a
Speaker 1: selective usage, you know, like, don't just go out there
Speaker 1: and meet any girl and just start opening your heart
Speaker 1: to any girl or any friend. You just open your
Speaker 1: heart to. Know. There's certain people you cry in front of,
Speaker 1: and then there's certain people that you just I'm a
Speaker 1: whole less ship in because I don't trust this motherfucker,
Speaker 1: and I think you know, it's it's important for young
Speaker 1: men and young women to know that it's okay to
Speaker 1: use discernment with who to be vulnerable with. Absolutely you
Speaker 1: mentioned um when you introduce yourself gentle parenting, what does
Speaker 1: that look like to you in your scope of parenting
Speaker 1: with boys? It looks it looks like a lot of wine.
Speaker 1: It looks like because this ship, Oh my god, you
Speaker 1: have me dying on the reel you did recently where
Speaker 1: it was the usher intro and it was like they
Speaker 1: called when the school calls you to tell you that
Speaker 1: virtual learning is back in and what's the beginning of
Speaker 1: that When he's just like stop playing how you know? No, No,
Speaker 1: you really know. It's just like light weight. I was like,
Speaker 1: you got something be kidding me because we thought we
Speaker 1: were smooth sailing. Now all of a sudden, back in
Speaker 1: the house, up again, Back in the house, locked up again.
Speaker 1: So I it's funny I might be that one mom.
Speaker 1: A's just like I kind of like my kids where
Speaker 1: I can see him because I tell my husband all
Speaker 1: the time, I said, the only time I feel like
Speaker 1: my I'm at ease is when I know that all
Speaker 1: of my manner in the house. That means my husband
Speaker 1: and my four boys. If one of them is out
Speaker 1: doing whatever it is, I feel like I'm in a
Speaker 1: constant state of worry. I need them where I can
Speaker 1: see them. Um, but I want to shift gears a
Speaker 1: little bit, Katris now and just talk a little bit
Speaker 1: more on the parenting side about advocating for your child.
Speaker 1: So I know that your youngest son, UM, who's almost fine.
Speaker 1: What's his name again? Ashton? Right? Ashton? So, Ashton was
Speaker 1: diagnosed with autism. Can you tell us a little bit
Speaker 1: about your journey with that um to diagnosis and where
Speaker 1: you are now. So actually got diagnosed with autism and
Speaker 1: two years ago when he was he was born five
Speaker 1: years ago. And when he was born, um, he's he's
Speaker 1: pretty you know, like typical baby did everything was met
Speaker 1: all of his mouth stones and everything. And and then
Speaker 1: at a certain point we started to realize that his um,
Speaker 1: he was like staying the same, like he wasn't growing.
Speaker 1: And here he was physically growing, but like mentally it
Speaker 1: wasn't like he was doing the things that most babies
Speaker 1: would do. UM. One of the things he started crawling
Speaker 1: with and with like one of his back legs and
Speaker 1: the other one he would kind of like drag his
Speaker 1: back leg. And at first we thought it was cute.
Speaker 1: We were like, oh, okay, yeah, like that's cute whatever. Um.
Speaker 1: And then he started you know how babies, you know
Speaker 1: how sometimes they'll get startled and they'll put their hands
Speaker 1: out like okay, that's a normal thing. But when they're
Speaker 1: a year old and they're still doing it, it's no
Speaker 1: longer so you know normal. UM. So so typical not normal.
Speaker 1: It's not a typical thing for a one year old
Speaker 1: to do. So. UM, by eighteen or by fifteen months,
Speaker 1: I think it was fifteen or sixteen months. UM, we
Speaker 1: took him to the doctor and we're like, you know,
Speaker 1: he's not saying anything. He doesn't really make eye contact
Speaker 1: with us, he doesn't really play with his brothers. I mean,
Speaker 1: and his brothers were ten years older than him, so
Speaker 1: we kind of were like, well, maybe it's just because
Speaker 1: they're not whatever. And so the doctor was like, m well,
Speaker 1: let's wait until eighteen months. We'll come back, we'll look
Speaker 1: at him and see and I'm like, okay, but a
Speaker 1: mom knows you have the feeling in your debt. Everybody
Speaker 1: else in my family was like, he's fine, and I
Speaker 1: just I knew something was off. Um, and I was
Speaker 1: crying and all this stuff, and they're like, you're doing
Speaker 1: the most. Everything is fine, and they're like, oh, June
Speaker 1: buzz from such start talking any started talking to he
Speaker 1: was sick, they started walking soil. He was seven, and
Speaker 1: you're like, okay, okay, that's good for them, but I
Speaker 1: know something you know, so um. Then finally he he
Speaker 1: wants to go see uh or he didn't even were
Speaker 1: supposed to see a developmental pediatrician, which is one of
Speaker 1: the hardest doctors to get into for a child because
Speaker 1: you literally are going to the doctors saying I think
Speaker 1: my child has some kind of developmental disability, and they're like, okay,
Speaker 1: well we can see you in a year for a diagnosis.
Speaker 1: And that's sometimes like while you're on like a waiting list,
Speaker 1: and you're like what the fuck. So before you even
Speaker 1: do that, to even get to actually seeing the doctor,
Speaker 1: you have to do this phone call that takes like
Speaker 1: thirty minutes, and they asked you like a hundred and
Speaker 1: something questions. It's like yes or no questions, as your
Speaker 1: child do this, there's a child do that, blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: So I'm sitting on the phone and I'm answering all
Speaker 1: these questions at this point asking is is two years old,
Speaker 1: and I'm I'm answering all these questions and he's at
Speaker 1: the end he's like all right, well he doesn't sound
Speaker 1: like he's about to speak to me, things like he's fine,
Speaker 1: we'll come back in six months to a year, oh
Speaker 1: my god. And I'm like that should just don't seem right,
Speaker 1: Like for you don't even see him, you don't need
Speaker 1: to see him. You're just just talking to me over
Speaker 1: the phone and asking me general ask questions and how
Speaker 1: are you supposed to know? You know, if you're not
Speaker 1: do stupid ship too where it's like if you give
Speaker 1: him a bottle will and a cheerio, will he put
Speaker 1: the cheerio inside of the bottle. I'm like, I mean, like,
Speaker 1: what the hell I want me? Like, what the fun
Speaker 1: is this? Why are you handing it to me? Like?
Speaker 1: You know? So it was like questions. A lot of
Speaker 1: them were throwing me off too. Later I found out
Speaker 1: that when you have one of those things, you should
Speaker 1: exaggerate your answers if you really feel it though your
Speaker 1: child is on the spectrum, because they just kind of
Speaker 1: like and that way you can go to see the
Speaker 1: doctor where you know. So then we went they went
Speaker 1: took him back to the pediatrician. I'm like, something is wrong,
Speaker 1: y'all going I need something. They put him in the
Speaker 1: infant and toler program. She just diagnosed him with um
Speaker 1: severe developmental delay, he said. She said it should be fine,
Speaker 1: he should catch up. And I said, okay, I want
Speaker 1: to get in with a pediatrician. You know, whatever pandemic happens.
Speaker 1: We're on the wait list for a year and a half.
Speaker 1: That was the time frame they had given us. With
Speaker 1: a year, I happened to call right maybe a month
Speaker 1: after the pandemic, or maybe two months after the pandemic started,
Speaker 1: and I just aslad, can't put me on the weight list.
Speaker 1: You know, we have an appointment for a year and
Speaker 1: a half from now, but can you put me on
Speaker 1: the wait list in case something happens? I kid you not.
Speaker 1: The very next day she called me and said we
Speaker 1: had a cancelation Friday, and I was like, I was
Speaker 1: like absolutely. Now. At this point Ashton, I had been
Speaker 1: home with Ashton for two months. I am the least
Speaker 1: patient person you whatever mean, but I'm also the most
Speaker 1: determined person. So the moment they told me that he
Speaker 1: had a developmental delay, I started doing all this research.
Speaker 1: I started doing all this work with him. I changed
Speaker 1: I found this this other mom that I had met
Speaker 1: started telling me she was changing up her kids diet
Speaker 1: and to read this book and read that, and so
Speaker 1: I started doing all this res put him on supplements.
Speaker 1: A lot of Ship was just me fucking guessing like, okay,
Speaker 1: well they said this is good for this. I'm not
Speaker 1: a fucking obviously, I'm not a doctor, but I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try this. I'm gonna try that because I
Speaker 1: can tell Ship was not okay with it like he
Speaker 1: was at this point, he's two and a half and
Speaker 1: he's not saying even mom or dad, you know, like
Speaker 1: he's not saying nothing like okay. So by the time
Speaker 1: he sees the developmental pediatrician, um, it was a two
Speaker 1: hours zoom call. And this guy is sitting there talking
Speaker 1: to him and he's going over all of his notes
Speaker 1: because he had been in the Infinite Tiller program for
Speaker 1: a year at that point. So when you're in the
Speaker 1: Infinite Holler program, they send a therapist to your house. Uh. However,
Speaker 1: many times a week the pediatrician recommends and they evaluate them,
Speaker 1: and they compiled this list or this this file on
Speaker 1: your child of all the of the things that you
Speaker 1: know that they've observed. So he keeps on asking me,
Speaker 1: is this the same kid from such a such date,
Speaker 1: Is this the same kid? Because at this point Ashton
Speaker 1: had made a lot of big changes. He wasn't saying
Speaker 1: word yet, but he could identify ship and just three
Speaker 1: months before the pandemic, he wasn't saying, you know, like
Speaker 1: different things. Um. But one of the reasons why he
Speaker 1: did end up diagnosing Ashton with autism was because and
Speaker 1: I actually it just happened this morning. I was actually
Speaker 1: just doing a video on it before we did this UM.
Speaker 1: One of the things he told me to do was
Speaker 1: to pretend that I was crying and turned my back
Speaker 1: to Ashton to see if Ashton even looked my way
Speaker 1: or anything. And so I pretended to cry and then
Speaker 1: he just was not, like he was like all right.
Speaker 1: So then I was like, well, let me let me
Speaker 1: turn it up. I'm not believable. I'm sobbing. I should
Speaker 1: have won award for this performant. I'm I and this
Speaker 1: man still like playing with his little toys like whatever.
Speaker 1: I'm like, what's the fun? Like he don't see me.
Speaker 1: I need you, I did you to you know, don't
Speaker 1: hold me? And he just nope them to know. So
Speaker 1: the doctor starts writing all this ship down after that
Speaker 1: one like writing off. So at the end one he
Speaker 1: diagnosed and he said, you know, one of the biggest
Speaker 1: UM signs that I saw with him, it was like
Speaker 1: a lack of empathy or you know, he just didn't
Speaker 1: have that. You know, even if if I seemed frustrated
Speaker 1: or flustered or anything, Ashton wouldn't even look my way.
Speaker 1: He was just in his own world. So That was
Speaker 1: two years ago, and probably every week after that for
Speaker 1: about a year and a half, I would randomly pretend
Speaker 1: I was crying to see if ash didn't even care.
Speaker 1: Maybe like maybe towards the end of that year and
Speaker 1: a half, maybe like two weeks into it, he started
Speaker 1: like looking but he would just start laughing, like he's
Speaker 1: just an asshole, Like I'm laughing me. So you may
Speaker 1: be autistic because every time I try to like to
Speaker 1: pay attention to me, I'll be like solid and crying
Speaker 1: and she'd be ignoring me, and I'll be like, yo,
Speaker 1: what did she just so I'd be going hard, you
Speaker 1: know what, saying I'm a thespian, I do this. I
Speaker 1: hear giggling in the bank and I turned around without
Speaker 1: you laughing. You're laughing at my pain. Now I know
Speaker 1: what it is. Now I know what it is. Does
Speaker 1: he started laughing, this is what it is? Yeah, So
Speaker 1: when he started laughing at I didn't care. I was like, okay, whatever,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna do. I was six months. I haven't
Speaker 1: done it in six months this morning. Now, Ashton's personality
Speaker 1: has really come out a lot. He has he has
Speaker 1: become this child that is very vocable, vocal about how
Speaker 1: he feels, and which is a great very bad attitude,
Speaker 1: very bad attitude, which is great for a child who
Speaker 1: was literally in his own world and did not care.
Speaker 1: You're like, I'll take it. We can work on that. Yes,
Speaker 1: So this morning he was at his dad yesterday, so
Speaker 1: when I picked him up last fight, he went to sleep.
Speaker 1: This morning, I'm like, you want to play? I walked
Speaker 1: into his room. He's playing with all his toys. Normally
Speaker 1: he wants to play. I was like, who you want
Speaker 1: to play? And he was like no. And when it
Speaker 1: closed the door, in my case, like this when the
Speaker 1: gentle parenting comes in, because the old Katrees would kick
Speaker 1: down the door and be like, who the fuck are you?
Speaker 1: You know what I was, Oh, I calmly opened up
Speaker 1: the door, and I sat in the corner. I said,
Speaker 1: I wonder what will happen if I pretend to cry?
Speaker 1: So I pulled out my phone and just turned it
Speaker 1: on record, and I pretended to cry, and I kind
Speaker 1: of looked over my shoulder at him, and he looked
Speaker 1: back at me. So I'm like, okay, he's looking back
Speaker 1: at me. And then he stood up and he's like, hey, mommy, Hey,
Speaker 1: mommy behind me. He's like, hey mommy, Hey mommy, And
Speaker 1: I'm still crying because I was so into the performance.
Speaker 1: Probably really know exactly. I was like in it. I
Speaker 1: was in it. And he was like my, hey mommy,
Speaker 1: Hey mommy. And then I said yes, asked me. He
Speaker 1: said why are you crying? Which I would never I mean,
Speaker 1: this man a year ago was not even saying even
Speaker 1: two words in the sense, but now, and he said
Speaker 1: why are you crying? And I said because you made
Speaker 1: me sad? And he said, okay, let's play. And I
Speaker 1: was like, not start, do not start, really start crying
Speaker 1: right now. So I was like okay, And I'm like
Speaker 1: so excited to play with him and do all this
Speaker 1: stuff because it was like, you know, it's it's little
Speaker 1: things that that when you go through this, when when
Speaker 1: you when you have a child whoo's autistic, there's so
Speaker 1: many feelings that you have of um, You're you're angry,
Speaker 1: You're you're jealous. You see other parents or you know,
Speaker 1: with with their kids and you know, just the simplest thing,
Speaker 1: um for for a parent with a child with autism
Speaker 1: is not simple. You can imagine. I can't imagine. It's
Speaker 1: a level of maybe like guilt or wondering did you
Speaker 1: do something, guilt something to prevent it? Exactly, I couldn't
Speaker 1: hold down prenatal vitamin So for the first like three
Speaker 1: months of his his diagnosis, I blame myself. He didn't
Speaker 1: get the vitamins he needed. He didn't you know, I
Speaker 1: didn't do I should have just pushed through, should have
Speaker 1: just kept on trying to take them. Um. And then
Speaker 1: you get the mama bear where it's like you go
Speaker 1: out and people are looking at you. Because there's a
Speaker 1: thing called stemming where every child with autism has a different,
Speaker 1: different little courts or whatever. Ashton's is. When he gets excited,
Speaker 1: he stems, but we like extend his hands out like
Speaker 1: he gets really excited or stamps on his timtotoes. And
Speaker 1: you you see other parents looking, or you see other kids,
Speaker 1: and I don't care how old you are, moving my baby,
Speaker 1: you know you're automatically like turn the around, right. I
Speaker 1: am grateful that I feel over this pandemic. I honestly
Speaker 1: feel like people have been more open about autism on
Speaker 1: social media because the looks that I would get before, um,
Speaker 1: the pandemic and the looks now even though Ashton obviously
Speaker 1: has has um. He has developed and like it's reaching
Speaker 1: more milstone, so he's not as you know, it's not
Speaker 1: as intense like it's seming and stuff. But it's different.
Speaker 1: It's almost like and I can look at other parents too,
Speaker 1: and I can look at a child that probably some
Speaker 1: other people wouldn't notice, but I can notice that your
Speaker 1: your kid must be on the spectrum. And you kind
Speaker 1: of look at the parents and it's a feeling of comfort,
Speaker 1: like and you kind of suit closer to them at
Speaker 1: the playground and it's like, oh, we can understand our
Speaker 1: kids can play together, you know. So I think it's
Speaker 1: it's such it's such an emotional thing. And the autism
Speaker 1: community is great, but even within that community, there's a
Speaker 1: there's a divide amongst some of the parents because there's
Speaker 1: some parents who are who believe certain things and this
Speaker 1: is how you should treat your child with autism, and
Speaker 1: there's some parents think otherwise. And you know, at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, nobody knows what the funk we're doing.
Speaker 1: We're just trying to make sure our children have the
Speaker 1: brightest future. But you have those people who are just
Speaker 1: so angry and they feel like they just got to
Speaker 1: tell you this. They tell you that I have people
Speaker 1: all the time because I share the things that I've
Speaker 1: done with Ashton so that you know that he has
Speaker 1: made all of these big strides and changes, and you know,
Speaker 1: and has grown so much. And I share it because
Speaker 1: I feel like it would be wrong of me not
Speaker 1: to share something that has changed our lives so drastically,
Speaker 1: to the point where in therapy they have now tested
Speaker 1: him out. He's completely caught up with you know, kids
Speaker 1: his his own age. So then our parents coming on
Speaker 1: my page saying like, well, not autism isn't something you
Speaker 1: can heal. Stop trying to make it seem like it's
Speaker 1: something that can just go away when I'm not. I'm
Speaker 1: just trying to get my baby the brightest future possible
Speaker 1: and trying to share that information, you know. Or there's
Speaker 1: there's people who have autism adults who come in and
Speaker 1: they say, we don't want anybody you're we don't want
Speaker 1: people to know when we have autism. We don't feel
Speaker 1: like we need to broadcast it. So your something probably
Speaker 1: wouldn't either. And that's the one hundred percent fine, you know,
Speaker 1: with how they want to handle it. And and my
Speaker 1: son is right now, I am his boy four years old,
Speaker 1: I am his boyfriend, and the way that I am
Speaker 1: raising him is to be proud of who he is.
Speaker 1: There is nothing wrong with it, and I feel like
Speaker 1: the only way. There's so many people who even growing
Speaker 1: who I grew up with, who even in elementary school,
Speaker 1: I remember they were the bad kid or they got trump.
Speaker 1: Now I'm thinking back on it, like they probably were
Speaker 1: just on the spectrum. Especially in the black community, everything
Speaker 1: is like completely ignored. He's just bad. You need to
Speaker 1: be his ass or you know, just being around or
Speaker 1: this and that, and it's like, no, you need to
Speaker 1: take a step back and and see you know, their
Speaker 1: signs and things. So it's not not to cut you off.
Speaker 1: But it's not just in the black community. Because I
Speaker 1: worked at Polly Prep and Brooklyn, which is a bunch
Speaker 1: of wealthy white families, and there was definitely some kids
Speaker 1: who are on the spectrum. Their way of covering it
Speaker 1: up is paying their kids way through life. So we
Speaker 1: we had kids who were on the spectrum who I'm
Speaker 1: I can't out him, but his dad used to put
Speaker 1: a library so that he can graduate from middle school
Speaker 1: to high school or you know, make sure make sure
Speaker 1: he gets his diploma. One time with the rest of
Speaker 1: his class, I'll put a football feeling like there's there's
Speaker 1: always donations, yes, but but what you do. I think
Speaker 1: it's so important because when you can add levity to
Speaker 1: something that's so serious, it humanizes the experience. And what
Speaker 1: you said to me, what resonated was the joy you
Speaker 1: felt when he said that simple world was like, Mommy,
Speaker 1: why are you crying? When people can see you have
Speaker 1: that joy as a parent, even even though it's a
Speaker 1: parent with a child that has autism, that joy is
Speaker 1: like we can all relate to that, you know, because
Speaker 1: we as parents, even even if your child doesn't have autism,
Speaker 1: sometimes your child does stuff that you just look at
Speaker 1: them and be like, why the funk would you do that?
Speaker 1: And other parents who have children with you can see
Speaker 1: that and they laugh because they're like, I was just
Speaker 1: there with my child. Allowing us to allowing us to
Speaker 1: allowing yourself to be his voice, allows us to see
Speaker 1: what it's like, and then you you won't have so
Speaker 1: many people staring and wondering what's happening if they already
Speaker 1: understood what's going on. Right. It also makes you better equipped,
Speaker 1: I think as a parent to know there's certain things
Speaker 1: to look for, so, like you said, as opposed to
Speaker 1: looking at the child and say, oh, he's just bad
Speaker 1: or you know, he needs his ass beat or put
Speaker 1: his ass in time out. Now we can actually properly,
Speaker 1: properly diagnose our children or see when they need help
Speaker 1: and then be that advocate. And for Ukuatrisa like that
Speaker 1: blew my mind when you told me that you had
Speaker 1: to wait a whole year for him to see someone.
Speaker 1: So much can happen or not happen with a child's
Speaker 1: developmental phases in a year that you feel like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna sit back here and just wait for
Speaker 1: a year before we figure things out. So, you know,
Speaker 1: I think it's great that you took it upon yourself
Speaker 1: to find ways to you know, trial and everythings to
Speaker 1: see what would work and what wouldn't you know and
Speaker 1: then sharing that. I think there's a wealth of knowledge
Speaker 1: just in that. And that's what I think I love
Speaker 1: about um your story. I love that about even just
Speaker 1: our podcast in this platform, because there's so many topics
Speaker 1: that we discuss on here that are always taboo or
Speaker 1: just not spoken about, particularly about the brown communities, and
Speaker 1: we have to get the information out there because there's
Speaker 1: so many resources in that, there's so much support in that,
Speaker 1: and things are not like it's all about healing the
Speaker 1: generations forward and not repeating that cycle of you know,
Speaker 1: oh he was bad and his his brother was bad
Speaker 1: and you like you said, Jim bugg and walked until
Speaker 1: he was six, Like you know, little things like that,
Speaker 1: UM diagnosing them earlier so the kids in the future
Speaker 1: have a little bit more hopes. Well, what what were
Speaker 1: a couple of the things that you've done, because you
Speaker 1: said that, you know people saying you can't heal autism
Speaker 1: and you're like, well, I'm not trying to heal it.
Speaker 1: What I get is that you're trying to be as
Speaker 1: of much support to your son as possible. What are
Speaker 1: some of the things you've done to help him be
Speaker 1: to be a support just from him? Well, when I
Speaker 1: started him on a series of vitamins and supplements that UM,
Speaker 1: I got well, I got his metal levels tested, which
Speaker 1: that was one of the things. The mom that I
Speaker 1: was saying earlier that I've met, her name is Tiffany.
Speaker 1: She was telling me that she got her son metals
Speaker 1: tested UM and toxic or toxins tested. It's like just
Speaker 1: like a hair test and like a saliva test, and
Speaker 1: you sent it into this lab and they'll come back
Speaker 1: and tell you like, yes, there's a high level in
Speaker 1: your child or whatever. And Ashton had a high level
Speaker 1: of mercury and the boominum in the system. Um, and
Speaker 1: what can happen? Again, I'm not a doctor. This is
Speaker 1: me telling you guys how I process the information. So
Speaker 1: a doctor might be listening and be like this bit
Speaker 1: is how I process the information. So everybody's body, um,
Speaker 1: you know, like your liver helps to get rid of
Speaker 1: metals and toxic it on your body. It flushes it out.
Speaker 1: That's like supportant to drink a lot of water and
Speaker 1: get all that stuff out. Some people's bodies do not
Speaker 1: have the proper ability to flesh out metals and toxic
Speaker 1: there's metals and toxics and everything we eat, everything we do,
Speaker 1: you know. So I'm not going to go into the
Speaker 1: reasons why you know, he might have medals and toxics
Speaker 1: in his system, um, because that's a huge thing. But
Speaker 1: I think for him, once I found that out, I
Speaker 1: started finding supplements and and um and vitamins that would
Speaker 1: not only help him with removing safely removing those toxic
Speaker 1: those medals and toxics, but also would help in areas
Speaker 1: that he was deficient and so for instance, asked used
Speaker 1: to grind his teeth all the time, like just we
Speaker 1: would just be sitting there, he'd be grinding feet and
Speaker 1: then the car it would noises drive me crazy, like
Speaker 1: here and somebody too. I would have to turn the
Speaker 1: music up so loud because it would make me want
Speaker 1: to cry because I would he wouldn't even listen to
Speaker 1: me when I'm like, please stop, plea stop. You know. So, UM,
Speaker 1: I found out this z inc if you give more
Speaker 1: link to a child, it can help with stuff like that.
Speaker 1: After a week, he stopped grinding his teeth. So there's
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff of doing like your own research
Speaker 1: and seeing different things that your child UM might be doing,
Speaker 1: UM and using finding supplements that you know I can help.
Speaker 1: I also changed his diet. All of these things that
Speaker 1: I did when I told the development of pediatrician when
Speaker 1: he saw Ashton for a follow up UM and told
Speaker 1: me I should write a book because he has never
Speaker 1: seen a child make so many huge strides. When I
Speaker 1: told him, I changed his diet and put him on supplements,
Speaker 1: he said, but that's not the reason why he's the
Speaker 1: way with he is. I know because I'm a doctor.
Speaker 1: And I said, well, I mean you asked me what
Speaker 1: I did. I'm telling you what I did. And he's
Speaker 1: like no, He's like, trust me, I'm a doctor. I
Speaker 1: know I've done research on this. I know that's not true.
Speaker 1: My mother's husband is a doctor as well. And so
Speaker 1: everything I give to Ashton, I asked him first, is
Speaker 1: this okay? And there's a very fine line because I
Speaker 1: also know he doesn't want to be like okay for
Speaker 1: something that is like you know, I probably shouldn't, but
Speaker 1: I'm asking him like, am I going to kill my
Speaker 1: child if I give my child? You know? Like that's
Speaker 1: basically that's that's the kind of understanding that we have.
Speaker 1: Just tell me if this is dangerous for him and
Speaker 1: if it's not okay um. And he told me no,
Speaker 1: those things are healthy. Um. So we changed his diet,
Speaker 1: which they all all the doctor said that does nothing
Speaker 1: for me. It helps Ashton when he has gluten, he's
Speaker 1: super super hyper. I can't get him to listen to
Speaker 1: me or listen to lessons if he's hyper. So it's
Speaker 1: not because I think it's crying his autism. It's because
Speaker 1: this man is like like a crackhead. How am I
Speaker 1: supposed to his babycas if he won't fit the fun down?
Speaker 1: So no, no bread for you. We're gonna cut it
Speaker 1: out for now. And then another thing that I did
Speaker 1: that I tell a lot of parents I would. I
Speaker 1: changed ashtons iet and did all of these things a
Speaker 1: year and some change before we saw any different um,
Speaker 1: before we saw any difference in him. I changed, I
Speaker 1: changed his all of these things. And there was a
Speaker 1: lot of me just cry ying, like am I just
Speaker 1: doing this for nothing? I would do exercise with him
Speaker 1: over the pandemic, and he wasn't even paying attention to me.
Speaker 1: I would be chasing him around with flash cards. This
Speaker 1: is a fish, f I am, this is a grilla,
Speaker 1: this is the color of green, this is the color purple.
Speaker 1: And it was like, this man is not even listening
Speaker 1: to ship I'm saying. The moment he started talking, it
Speaker 1: was like every single thing that I was chasing him
Speaker 1: around trying to get him to understand, he was saying
Speaker 1: all this stuff that I thought he was ignoring me.
Speaker 1: You know, for a year and a half, all of
Speaker 1: the things. But in that he also got my attitude
Speaker 1: and I came out to he got my attitude. He
Speaker 1: says like ship that I would say, like one of
Speaker 1: the things that I've really been trying to work. I
Speaker 1: didn't haven't said it in so long, but I used
Speaker 1: to say, I don't even care no more. And like
Speaker 1: during the pandemic, you know, like if I'm trying to
Speaker 1: get the boys to do something, the older boys, they
Speaker 1: weren't listening. I'd be like, I don't even care no more,
Speaker 1: and like walk away. Two months ago, I told Ashton
Speaker 1: to do something and he was like, I don't even
Speaker 1: care no more the way and I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: so you really they really you have up until five
Speaker 1: where their brains. This is for any child. Their brains
Speaker 1: are like sponges. They they're they're observed absorbing everything. After that,
Speaker 1: their brain starts to develop habits. So when I try
Speaker 1: to tell parents and the doctors and therapists, all of
Speaker 1: them will agree that early intervention is key. You can't
Speaker 1: you can't wait for you know, for a doctor to say,
Speaker 1: oh you have to wait a year and a half. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: then you gotta do what you gotta do. As a mom,
Speaker 1: you gotta go do research, you gotta try to figure out.
Speaker 1: You have to. There's so many moms on YouTube, there's
Speaker 1: so many moms on Instagram. And to what you said
Speaker 1: about you can't be vulnerable with people, and you know,
Speaker 1: there are certain things I do agree with that, but
Speaker 1: for me me being vulnerable with my kid and saying
Speaker 1: I think my kid might have all poom on my page,
Speaker 1: and me saying me me sharing myself having a very
Speaker 1: tough time with it, and which is completely not me.
Speaker 1: I'm a very pridaful person. Like I'm a cry baby,
Speaker 1: but only certain people gonna know that I'm a cry baby. Um,
Speaker 1: but I switched it. And because of that, it was
Speaker 1: people saying, we'll try this. I tried this with my son,
Speaker 1: or go here, you know they do this, or maybe
Speaker 1: buy this, or maybe do this. And because of all
Speaker 1: of these little nuggets I was getting from all of
Speaker 1: these different different moms, from me being vulnerable, I was
Speaker 1: able to give my son what I think is a
Speaker 1: new start, you know, compared to the doctor's once saying
Speaker 1: he's gonna live with you forever. You just need to
Speaker 1: keep your mind, you know, you know, you prepare yourself
Speaker 1: for that he's gonna live free with you forever, which
Speaker 1: in one sense you feel bad as a mom for
Speaker 1: many reasons. One is he not going to have his
Speaker 1: own life? Is he ever gonna go to promise? He
Speaker 1: ever gonna get married? And I'm gonna have grandchildren? And
Speaker 1: then you have like the selfish feeling of am I
Speaker 1: ever going to have time for myself again in my life?
Speaker 1: You know, like it's like it's like all of the
Speaker 1: thing um, and I just feel like and at least
Speaker 1: at least with that, well, I feel like a social
Speaker 1: media in general, if you're if people were more more
Speaker 1: vulnerable and open and honest about things, we wouldn't feel
Speaker 1: this pressure to be so fake on social media to
Speaker 1: keep up with everybody else, because then we would see
Speaker 1: that everybody is going through the same thing. Once I
Speaker 1: was open about Acton's autism, then all sudden, all these
Speaker 1: other people start reaching out to me. It does get
Speaker 1: very overwhelming, and and sometimes I can't keep up with
Speaker 1: it because there's so many messages from mom saying I
Speaker 1: saw this post and I knew something was wrong, and
Speaker 1: if you could just talk to me about it, because
Speaker 1: I have you known a lot wrong and and it's
Speaker 1: like it can be overwhelming because one it takes me
Speaker 1: back to that dark time that I know exactly how
Speaker 1: they feel like, and that I was crying every fucking day,
Speaker 1: drinking wine every two minutes, and I'm like, how can
Speaker 1: I help my baby? How I folk up? Um? But
Speaker 1: at the same time, if people were more open or
Speaker 1: honest about it and we we could share this stuff
Speaker 1: more openly, and we could all help each other, not
Speaker 1: only to help our children develop and be put in
Speaker 1: the best position possible for the future, but to be
Speaker 1: there for one another, because you can feel isolated and
Speaker 1: a loan. You know, when you have friends with children
Speaker 1: who are you know, um, typical children, and you have
Speaker 1: the and they don't understand what you're going through, So
Speaker 1: now you want people you could talk to. You know,
Speaker 1: the best thing for me is to have parents that
Speaker 1: now I can reach out to and be like, girl,
Speaker 1: he just did blah blah blah, and and they understand,
Speaker 1: you know, they understand what I'm going through. They're not
Speaker 1: looking at me like who the fuck he just did? What?
Speaker 1: You know? So I think that vulnerability. You know, I
Speaker 1: agree with you about being vulnerable because us being vulnerable
Speaker 1: and opening up about our relationship. We do get a
Speaker 1: lot of good feedback from people, but there are also
Speaker 1: people who attack you for your vulnerability, you know, and
Speaker 1: there's people who judge you for being vulnerable. And that's
Speaker 1: where I say you have to be selective about who
Speaker 1: you want to be vulnerable with because everyone is not
Speaker 1: going to be your advocate. Everyone is not going to
Speaker 1: root for you to be happy, in part because they're
Speaker 1: dealing with their own issues, so you can't. And what
Speaker 1: we've learned, and I've learned this from even from playing football,
Speaker 1: is not to take everyone's words for you as something
Speaker 1: is wrong with you. So a lot of time people
Speaker 1: just project their own issues on you. When they see
Speaker 1: an opening, they use that vulnerable woman to project whatever
Speaker 1: they're going on. So that's how we've able to get
Speaker 1: through allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and understanding that everyone
Speaker 1: is not going to understand. Like there's times an vulnerable
Speaker 1: about how I feel as a man and I get
Speaker 1: attacked by women. There's time she's vulnerable about being open
Speaker 1: as a woman she's attacked by men. There's there's times
Speaker 1: were vulnerable about being parents and being vulnerable about she
Speaker 1: was being vulnerable about postpartument, not feeling like she wanted
Speaker 1: to be a mom, and women tacked her saying, how
Speaker 1: dare you not want to be a mom? And It's like, hey, guys,
Speaker 1: I'm just telling you how I felt in the moment.
Speaker 1: I didn't say that was the be all at end though.
Speaker 1: It was just that moment. But there was one thing
Speaker 1: you also said when when I used to run Prototype,
Speaker 1: we used to get a lot of kids with developmental
Speaker 1: issues and behavioral issues, and their parents took them the doctors,
Speaker 1: and the first thing the doctor said was this kid
Speaker 1: needs at a roll or some sort of medication. And
Speaker 1: I used to tell the parents, I'm not a doctor
Speaker 1: like you, but I say, before you give that child
Speaker 1: medication in the morning, how about you just cut the
Speaker 1: sugar in the morning and put the child on a
Speaker 1: on a physical activity regiment before they go to school.
Speaker 1: I kid you not every child that we told that
Speaker 1: too did not have behavioral issues when they got to school.
Speaker 1: For after that felt about three months. It was like
Speaker 1: getting rid of the sugar, getting rid of the gluten.
Speaker 1: Now the child was able to focus, putting them in
Speaker 1: a physical activity out all that energy. And it didn't
Speaker 1: matter if it was a boy or a girl. Because
Speaker 1: we had moms to come with us with girls who
Speaker 1: ran track or was volleyball who was getting into trouble.
Speaker 1: Once they changed their diet and gave them more physical activity,
Speaker 1: all of these children responded to it. So what I've
Speaker 1: noticed is a trend of doctors trying to tell parents
Speaker 1: that medication is the key and pretty much telling a
Speaker 1: lot of black parents and brown parents that hey, your
Speaker 1: child is just gonna have a problem and there's nothing
Speaker 1: you can do about it. We received a lot of
Speaker 1: parents like that, So can you just talk a little
Speaker 1: bit about advocating for yourself and your child even though
Speaker 1: all the professionals are saying, hey, you stuck bro life,
Speaker 1: It's just there's well why I'm not against uh medication.
Speaker 1: I just I have a d D. I'm not against
Speaker 1: it either whole life. But I did not go and
Speaker 1: get medication for it. And so two years ago. Um
Speaker 1: and this is after me trying tons of like natural things.
Speaker 1: So and it's not even something that I have to
Speaker 1: take all the time. I think it's it's all in
Speaker 1: your mind that you know, um on on medication. However,
Speaker 1: I do want a hundred percent agree with you that
Speaker 1: doctors do just try to put medicine. It's like, here
Speaker 1: you go for her Ashton in his case when he
Speaker 1: got diagnosed that we had to go back in and
Speaker 1: see the pediatric and she literally handed me a brochure
Speaker 1: and basically was like wow. And I was I'm like,
Speaker 1: you have just rocked my entire My whole world has
Speaker 1: just been changed. He gave me this, this whole ass
Speaker 1: brochure like what it was old too. I was really like,
Speaker 1: are you kidding? Yes, it was like the oldest ass
Speaker 1: brochure and I'm sure they have bell bottoms on in
Speaker 1: the beginning of the front of the brochure. I was like,
Speaker 1: what the fuck? Um? But I think that I I've said,
Speaker 1: I've shared this before that that I went through the
Speaker 1: first less crying. I was just in full volunteers. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't cry in front of Ashton, but any moment I
Speaker 1: was by myself, I was crying. And then I realized,
Speaker 1: at some point at the end of the day, it
Speaker 1: is my job as his mom two make sure that
Speaker 1: he has the most successful future he could possibly have.
Speaker 1: There's no way for me to do that if I'm
Speaker 1: sitting here crying. So I would rather give my all
Speaker 1: and do every fucking thing I can to to ensure
Speaker 1: that he has for him and you know who he is.
Speaker 1: He has the most successful future. And I had to
Speaker 1: put on my big girl panties stop crying, and and
Speaker 1: that's what I did. I didn't listen to what the
Speaker 1: doctor said, because the doctors were telling me anything. But
Speaker 1: he's gonna live with you forever, you know. These are
Speaker 1: the special schools he can go to. These are so
Speaker 1: I didn't for UM sports. He started wrestling UM last summer.
Speaker 1: It could only work for the summer because then the
Speaker 1: pandemic started, you know, going crazy again. But he started
Speaker 1: last summer. We didn't put him in and UM in
Speaker 1: any like UH special wrestling, which was something that his
Speaker 1: father and I talked about, you know, whether or not
Speaker 1: we should put him in sports that you know, they
Speaker 1: have leagues for children with disabilities. And we made the
Speaker 1: decision that no, we didn't want to. And and that's
Speaker 1: a parents decision. So I would never judge a parent
Speaker 1: for doing that. But for us, he felt like we
Speaker 1: wanted him. We're not going to be there to hold
Speaker 1: his hand for the rest of his life, you know,
Speaker 1: for us, and so we we want him to be
Speaker 1: around other people. So that he understands and that they
Speaker 1: understand that people are different, you know, and people might
Speaker 1: treat you differently. It's okay. We're gonna be there to
Speaker 1: help you and make sure you're okay. But we you know.
Speaker 1: So his school, he does not go to a school
Speaker 1: for children with just this bil at least he goes
Speaker 1: to a regular preschool. Um. This is the same school
Speaker 1: that CJ went to. So they're they're like families. We
Speaker 1: love them, and they they were we They give him
Speaker 1: his premixed, his supplements and to his juice. They give
Speaker 1: it to him during lunchtime when he needs it and
Speaker 1: right before I pick him up, and you know, they
Speaker 1: keep me posted on things, and they pray over him
Speaker 1: and all. This is great. You know, they're they're amazing,
Speaker 1: and you know, I think it's I think it's it's
Speaker 1: all about not only advocating for your children to the
Speaker 1: doctors or just in general, but to your families too,
Speaker 1: because a lot of times they will and and they
Speaker 1: don't mean it on purpose, but a lot of things up.
Speaker 1: That's nothing wrong with that boy. He you know, like
Speaker 1: I said, June Bud started talking, that's sick, you know.
Speaker 1: But man, man, man was crawling until he was seventeen
Speaker 1: and then all things. So so I think it's a
Speaker 1: it's a thing, um standing ten toes down for your
Speaker 1: kids and saying this is this is my child, this
Speaker 1: is what I expect. I had to have a conversation
Speaker 1: with c J once he got diagnosed with my older
Speaker 1: son and say, you know, I know you're you're you're
Speaker 1: a teenager. Now you know like you need a last
Speaker 1: with me, But I gotta give a whole lot to
Speaker 1: your brother right now. I gotta, I really gotta clamp
Speaker 1: down on your brother. I'm gonna need your help. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna need you to try to understand that that I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to ignore you or I'm not so I
Speaker 1: try to do. That's a whole podcast on its own
Speaker 1: in our build and talk about you're having a child
Speaker 1: with a disability and the other children feeling else neglected.
Speaker 1: That's a huge that's a huge part. And the moment
Speaker 1: I get him down to bed at eight o'clock, I
Speaker 1: go in my room, I'm like that CJ knocking on
Speaker 1: the door, like, hey mom, what's I'm like, I don't
Speaker 1: have nothing left in me, you know, like I'm I'm
Speaker 1: dream I don't. And some days I have to say,
Speaker 1: I love you so much, and I'm so short about
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm in the past, you know, like
Speaker 1: or I'm a I'm a ship. So then it's just
Speaker 1: you know. But but with with him, with my it helps.
Speaker 1: It helps to be to keep your old if you
Speaker 1: have older kids or or younger kids, um to be
Speaker 1: open and honest with them too, because one when because
Speaker 1: Ashlea has another brother to Elijah, um and we when
Speaker 1: we when we go anywhere with Ashley, his two big
Speaker 1: brothers are like, don't funk with my little brother. I'll
Speaker 1: beat the ship at y'all. Like they're like bodyguard until
Speaker 1: we run around. I can't touch it to nobody or whatever.
Speaker 1: If anybody look at them side when they looking like
Speaker 1: it's a problem, it's something, you know. But at the
Speaker 1: same time, one time I took them to the playground
Speaker 1: and there was a little boy who you could tell
Speaker 1: was on the spectrum and he was older, he's like twelve,
Speaker 1: and he kept following my older boys in around. He
Speaker 1: wanted to play with me. He had no no kind
Speaker 1: of idea of like personal space or you know whatever.
Speaker 1: And they knew that I was worried. I was very
Speaker 1: concerned at first, but they was gonna be like, like,
Speaker 1: why are you But they didn't they leaven know he
Speaker 1: was getting all you could tell. I mean, the teaching empathy.
Speaker 1: Like was proud of them because they really were like
Speaker 1: he was following them. They might they were trying to
Speaker 1: go down. He was right up behind them, but you know,
Speaker 1: they were fine with it. And I think that that's
Speaker 1: why it's so important to be open about it and
Speaker 1: to teach your kids, because I'm telling kindness is is
Speaker 1: the most wonderful gift you can get. Saying anybody sorry,
Speaker 1: I was just saying, that's that's this. There were so
Speaker 1: many takeaways. I feel like in this episode we spoke
Speaker 1: about so many different things. I mean from co parenting
Speaker 1: to your divorce and then now um, dealing with children
Speaker 1: who have autists. I don't hate to say dealing. I
Speaker 1: want to say raising a child who has autists, because
Speaker 1: I think it's dealing with it. Um. And I feel
Speaker 1: like you should come back, like maybe next season and
Speaker 1: we can talk about something else. Progress. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: I think there's always progress of action. Yeah. Yeah. And
Speaker 1: I think any parent who is listening to this or
Speaker 1: if you're not a parent, and you know someone who
Speaker 1: has a child but may have autism or you know,
Speaker 1: developmentally delayed or something's going on. UM, it's always helpful
Speaker 1: to have resources like this girl. We could talk all
Speaker 1: day just because No, that's fine, that's fine. That's what
Speaker 1: we're supposed to do. We supposed about UM. So we're
Speaker 1: gonna let you go, But thank you so much for um,
Speaker 1: you know, joining us today. Tell everybody where they can
Speaker 1: find you, because there's a wealth of knowledge and funny moments.
Speaker 1: Y'all have to check out on funny Mama on Instagram, uh, Facebook, Facebook,
Speaker 1: and TikTok. It's the Funny Mama m O m m A.
Speaker 1: And then my website is the funny Mama dot com.
Speaker 1: And on their outline all of the different things I've
Speaker 1: done for action and all of the supplements and stuff
Speaker 1: like that. There sounds good. Well, if I'm ever in
Speaker 1: the d m V area, we'll get some wine together.
Speaker 1: We appreciate you so much. We appreciate you so much.
Speaker 1: Thank you for your your story, your gift of storytelling,
Speaker 1: and your vulnerability. Absolutely, we appreciate you. This love to
Speaker 1: the boys, no doubt. Sure, all right, We're gonna take
Speaker 1: a quick break and then we're going to move into
Speaker 1: listening letters after we get into some ads. Alright, so
Speaker 1: we're back. We just want to give you guys some
Speaker 1: stats about autism that um our producer with the mostest triple.
Speaker 1: In two thousand and twenty one, the CDC reported that
Speaker 1: approximately one and forty four children in the US is
Speaker 1: diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder that's a s D.
Speaker 1: According to two eighteen data, one in twenty seven boys
Speaker 1: identified with autism, one in one hundred and sixteen girls
Speaker 1: identified with autism, and boys are four times more likely
Speaker 1: to be diagnosed with autism than girls. That's interesting. I
Speaker 1: didn't know UM and the causes of autism. I've always
Speaker 1: wondered because you hear all these different you know, UM
Speaker 1: you know ideas about it is that from vaccines is
Speaker 1: a genetic um but research indicates that genetics are involved
Speaker 1: in the vast majority of cases. Children born with older
Speaker 1: parents are at higher risk of having autism. UM parents
Speaker 1: who have a child with a s D have two
Speaker 1: to eight percent chance of having a second child who's
Speaker 1: affective with it, and studies have also shown that among
Speaker 1: identical twins, if one twin is autism as sorry has autism,
Speaker 1: the other will be affected about thirty six percent at
Speaker 1: the time. That's pretty large. UM, and non identical twins,
Speaker 1: if one is has autism, then the other is affected
Speaker 1: about thirty one percent at the times. So it seems
Speaker 1: like very specific data that we have here. And over
Speaker 1: the last two decades, extensive research has also asked whether
Speaker 1: there's a link between childhood vaccinations and autism. UM. The
Speaker 1: results of this research are clear that vaccines don't cause autism. However,
Speaker 1: some people will contest that and say that the length
Speaker 1: of time between certain vaccines being given to children, they
Speaker 1: feel like there's been a change where they've seen changes
Speaker 1: in their children where they may want to think that's
Speaker 1: the reason why autism may result in their child. So
Speaker 1: just in data, do your research. Has always just wanted
Speaker 1: to throw it out there to y'all, but now you
Speaker 1: want to get into your favorite part of the show. Listen.
Speaker 1: We had a very long interview today, so we're only
Speaker 1: gonna do one listener letter. Alright, let's listening letter along too.
Speaker 1: I'll read it since you went off the stats. First off,
Speaker 1: I love you both and we love you too. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much. For the positive energy. I have never
Speaker 1: had anyone to look up to, and I've been following
Speaker 1: both your journeys and I inspired to even be a
Speaker 1: tenth of you. Guys, are you so sweet? Like you
Speaker 1: and you will be better than us If you aspire to,
Speaker 1: you will be I believe that and what you embody Okay,
Speaker 1: I need help, we all do UH. To give a backstory,
Speaker 1: I am twenty seven years old. I have been married
Speaker 1: for a year and my husband and I have been
Speaker 1: together for five years. I've always been the main breadwinner.
Speaker 1: I paid for my engagement, wing ring, wedding ring, and
Speaker 1: wedding out of my own pockets to take the stress
Speaker 1: away from my husband because he could not afford it.
Speaker 1: I am a makeup artist and I will finish UH
Speaker 1: a Esteticcian school in July. I aspired to be a
Speaker 1: celebrity m U a makeup artist and Estetician. Here is
Speaker 1: my problem. I feel like I have built resentment towards
Speaker 1: my husband because his work ethic isn't like mine. I
Speaker 1: feel as if he doesn't put forth the effort to
Speaker 1: do better and want better. My mindset is like the
Speaker 1: val I have to be the breadwinner, A lack a
Speaker 1: little backstory. My mom died when I was two. My
Speaker 1: father and I have no relationship, and my grandmother didn't
Speaker 1: teach me anything about how to be a young lady,
Speaker 1: let alone a wife. Interesting. He hates talking about anything
Speaker 1: difficult with finances. Or we live with my grandmother and
Speaker 1: sleep on the floor because I made sure our three
Speaker 1: kids and they have three kids had rooms of their own. Wow? Wow?
Speaker 1: How do I deal with this situation and not end
Speaker 1: up hating my husband? Also? Is there any advice you
Speaker 1: can give me to help get to my dreams. I
Speaker 1: work hard and constantly telling myself I will not be
Speaker 1: in the same place next year. I try to manifest
Speaker 1: my dreams and pray, but I am so lost. Please help, yo.
Speaker 1: We were just having this conversation the other day with
Speaker 1: the door. You're just having this conversation, all right, First
Speaker 1: and foremost when it comes to work ethics, right, you
Speaker 1: may have may have a mindset like developed. But one
Speaker 1: thing I had to learn being married is that everyone's
Speaker 1: process is not the same. Just because you do things
Speaker 1: one way don't mean that it's the right way. That's
Speaker 1: just your way. That don't mean it he his way
Speaker 1: is wrong. But you do have to hold him accountable
Speaker 1: for holding up his end of the bargain if you
Speaker 1: guys have had a conversation about where he is and
Speaker 1: it's supposed to be in his career for example. This
Speaker 1: may sound sexist, okay, but I don't give a fuck.
Speaker 1: If you ask a woman to marry you, it is
Speaker 1: my belief that is your responsibility to be able to
Speaker 1: take care of that woman, especially if you're gonna ask
Speaker 1: that woman to have children for you, because like we've
Speaker 1: learned over the past four births, anything can go wrong
Speaker 1: and there may be a point where your wife can
Speaker 1: or cannot work. And if you're asking this woman to
Speaker 1: marry you and then asking this woman to have children
Speaker 1: for you, it has to be your responsibility to be
Speaker 1: able to maintain the household finances if she cannot work.
Speaker 1: So that doesn't mean that I don't believe a woman
Speaker 1: can't be the breadwinner, because a woman can be the breadwinner.
Speaker 1: But I do think this is a man's responsibility to
Speaker 1: be able to take care of the finances in the home.
Speaker 1: Whatever your wife makes, even if she's a breadwinner, is
Speaker 1: extra her finance and go towards investments. You know, maybe
Speaker 1: they wouldn't have to live at your mom's house. If
Speaker 1: he was working and being able to take care of bills,
Speaker 1: and then you were still making more money, you can
Speaker 1: invest in other property, you can invest in other businesses,
Speaker 1: or even so even if you weren't working as much,
Speaker 1: you could be a stay at home dad but still
Speaker 1: be able to work enough to maintain the finances. Like
Speaker 1: because that's what we went through at one point in
Speaker 1: our career in our marriage. Early on when I first
Speaker 1: retired from the NFL, I wasn't working full tom. I
Speaker 1: was a partial stay at home dad with Jackson. Codeine
Speaker 1: was a makeup artist, going to work every day for hours.
Speaker 1: That's that's part of our journey. I had the health insurance,
Speaker 1: so I was like, I'm gonna hold it down while
Speaker 1: you were building your business, so at least at home
Speaker 1: doing nothing, you were sol caretaker of our child at
Speaker 1: the time. And I think there's maybe a level of
Speaker 1: complacency that her husband may have here too, because if
Speaker 1: you've always been the breadwinner, and you've always been you
Speaker 1: bought your own engagement when where it's like, what is
Speaker 1: that is it that he does he have to try for?
Speaker 1: What is he trying for? At this point? If she's
Speaker 1: done at all, you've been doing it all. So he
Speaker 1: just may also just be complacent with the fact that
Speaker 1: my wife is the breadwinner and we have the things
Speaker 1: that we need. All three children have our own, their
Speaker 1: own room, but they sleep on the floor. Sleep on
Speaker 1: the floor in your grandmother's place. I see this is
Speaker 1: my I couldn't live with myself if my wife was
Speaker 1: the bread winner and had to sleep on the floor.
Speaker 1: Like it's different if this was like a sacrificial period
Speaker 1: in your marriagery, Like you know what, Yeah, we're going
Speaker 1: to sleep on this floor for the next year because
Speaker 1: we are both gonna bust our asks to save money
Speaker 1: so that way we can find our own place or something. Um,
Speaker 1: But is there just like a level of comfort and
Speaker 1: complacency that he has sleeping on the floor in grandma's house.
Speaker 1: I don't have to be honest, I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: understand it. We we have we have another podcast coming
Speaker 1: up talking about family and adults. I just, for the
Speaker 1: life of me don't understand how if you if your
Speaker 1: sole purpose is too not so purpose, but if your
Speaker 1: husband part of that being a husband, even if you're
Speaker 1: stay at home dad has to be to take care
Speaker 1: of your family. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. Like
Speaker 1: it it has to be because I can see resentment
Speaker 1: buildings absolutely in the circumstance, especially since you're the go getter. UM.
Speaker 1: A piece of advice that I have for you as
Speaker 1: a makeup artist and esthetician, um, just be great at
Speaker 1: your craft. UM. I know, aspiring to be a celebrity
Speaker 1: makeup artist or celebrity this or that, UM seems like
Speaker 1: the best road sometimes. But just be great at what
Speaker 1: you are doing. Be great at your craft because sometimes
Speaker 1: your biggest clientele aren't the celebrity clients. Don't say you
Speaker 1: made a lot more money. They are hard working every
Speaker 1: day women, um, who are going to be brides, who
Speaker 1: are going to be moms, Like I made a ton
Speaker 1: of money in the wedding industry. Actually as a makeup artist.
Speaker 1: Sometimes that celebrity makeup artist's life is not the movie
Speaker 1: because sometimes you have people wanting jobs done for free
Speaker 1: or for exposure that don't pay the bills. Well, that's
Speaker 1: that's ultimately what happens. Once you become a celebrity makeup artist,
Speaker 1: then people try to up their rates so that the
Speaker 1: regular people have to pay more money for their time
Speaker 1: because their clients one of their clients is a celebrity.
Speaker 1: What I've learned, especially watching Codeine do this for years.
Speaker 1: I think you did it for almost almost almost a decade.
Speaker 1: Almost a decade, yeah different, almost a decade. Um. You
Speaker 1: had those clients that were, like you repeat clients. So
Speaker 1: when you when you got a client for an engagement shoot,
Speaker 1: you then got them for a boudoir shoot. You then
Speaker 1: got them for their maternity shoot, You then got them
Speaker 1: for their wedding. And these are people that anytime they
Speaker 1: had an event, they contacted you and then they gave
Speaker 1: their friends your information. So sometimes it's not about the celebrity.
Speaker 1: And I even learned this with my business. Remember I
Speaker 1: wanted when I started training, like I'm going to train
Speaker 1: NFL elite athletes don't pay this social media a Sometimes
Speaker 1: they don't. The client doesn't know tag the makeup artist
Speaker 1: at all. Does that tagging translate to money in the future.
Speaker 1: So that's something you want to think about. That's my
Speaker 1: business campaign, that's my business from the biggest clientele for
Speaker 1: you may just be your everyday woman, you know. Um,
Speaker 1: but yeah, sorry, back to the task at hand. But
Speaker 1: I'm no Now I was just saying that, um, I think.
Speaker 1: And then this is what we talked about with the Nora. Right,
Speaker 1: anytime you have a marriage, you're going into a contract negotiation, right,
Speaker 1: so you have to say what are your terms for
Speaker 1: the agreement? I have to say what are my terms
Speaker 1: for the agreement? And this is why I remember when
Speaker 1: I say all the time marriage is a business. It
Speaker 1: is a business. Right, you sign a contract, you get married,
Speaker 1: you share your taxes, you know, you divide up finances
Speaker 1: when you get married. You have to go into it
Speaker 1: knowing that I have to tell my spouse and this
Speaker 1: is something that we talked about with Katris. I have
Speaker 1: to tell my spouse what my wants and my knees
Speaker 1: are not only physically and mentally emotionally, but also financially.
Speaker 1: You know, where do we want to see ourselves in
Speaker 1: five years? And a lot of times these conversations aren't
Speaker 1: had between people. Then you get married, and through the
Speaker 1: marriage you start to realize that this person's financial acumen
Speaker 1: is not the same as mine. There wants and needs
Speaker 1: aren't the same amount and resentment bills because he may
Speaker 1: become placing. He may be a great guy who just
Speaker 1: feels like, well, my wife got it, So we're good.
Speaker 1: So we're good, and you may be like, no, I
Speaker 1: want more. And if that's not his mindset, this is
Speaker 1: something that you should have discussed and say, hey, we're
Speaker 1: at the top of the year. Usually Deval and I
Speaker 1: will sit, We'll have several different conversations at the top
Speaker 1: of the year. We will talk to ourselves, like self,
Speaker 1: what do I want for this new year, what is
Speaker 1: going to be my plan for the year, what's my
Speaker 1: next two year plan? With my five year plan? From
Speaker 1: this point on, we have a conversation as a couple.
Speaker 1: We then have business conversations with our manager individually and
Speaker 1: then a couple like there are different conversations that need
Speaker 1: to be had, So I feel like this maybe it's
Speaker 1: worth having a conversation with him and putting yourselves on
Speaker 1: some sort of timeline, goal oriented plan, especially if you're
Speaker 1: feeling like you're needing some help um and you don't
Speaker 1: want the resentment to build, you know. And also I
Speaker 1: think like she's unhappy. No, it doesn't seem like she's unappy,
Speaker 1: just needs help. And I feel like the world is changing.
Speaker 1: Like this idea that you have to exist in the
Speaker 1: space where the man is the breadwinner. It's not the
Speaker 1: reality anymore. There are some high earning women in the
Speaker 1: world who are going to earn more than their spouses
Speaker 1: regardless of what their spouses do. It's fine to say,
Speaker 1: you know what, we were married, we don't have traditional
Speaker 1: gender roles. She's the bread winner. Like, that's just there's
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with it. And and also as a man,
Speaker 1: you can still find pride and taking care of your
Speaker 1: family even if your wife makes mo money in you,
Speaker 1: I ain't a lot of you. Regardless of how much
Speaker 1: money k has signed the deal with own tomorrow and
Speaker 1: be making fifty million dollars a year, that would make
Speaker 1: it a breadwinner. I'm still gonna pay all the bills
Speaker 1: in the house. Like that's just, that's just the way
Speaker 1: our relationship works. And in Kal probably she just says
Speaker 1: all the time, when I started to make my millions,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna investing us things. I don't get no problem
Speaker 1: with that. Like I don't get no problem with that.
Speaker 1: You want me to dance for I got you, I
Speaker 1: got you. I love that. But I also say to
Speaker 1: whoever is better equipped in that moment to deal with
Speaker 1: whatever the task is hand, sometimes deal with it that's
Speaker 1: deal with it for you, right, all right, y'all, If
Speaker 1: you'd like to be featured as one of our listener letters,
Speaker 1: email us at dead as Advice at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: That's d E A D A S S A d
Speaker 1: V I c E. He's about to try to cut
Speaker 1: me on at gmail dot com. Moment of Truth time.
Speaker 1: We cover so much in this episode even know what
Speaker 1: truth is? Right now, let me think I got my
Speaker 1: moment of truth first. First, my moment of truth is
Speaker 1: for parenting, right, and because that's mainly what we were
Speaker 1: talking about, relationships and parenting. But Katrice pointed out something
Speaker 1: very important that I missed that I'm glad she pointed
Speaker 1: it out. When you have children, right, children's relationships with
Speaker 1: the rest of the world are going to be dependent
Speaker 1: on mom's relationship with dad, dad relationship with mom, and
Speaker 1: then their relationship with the child, or mom's relationship with
Speaker 1: mom and dad relationship with dad, and then their relationship
Speaker 1: with their parents. And that's important because now, as parents,
Speaker 1: you get to choose how you want your children to
Speaker 1: see you interact with your spouse every time you open
Speaker 1: your mouth in that house, so you have to be deliberate,
Speaker 1: you know, you and your your wife or you or
Speaker 1: your husband are going through something and your child is there.
Speaker 1: Let me be very deliberate about how I deal with
Speaker 1: this situation, because my child, my child's relationships in the future,
Speaker 1: not just romantic relationships, relationships with friends, relationships with business partners,
Speaker 1: are all going to be predicated and how they see
Speaker 1: us deal with each other. So my moment of truth
Speaker 1: is be very cognizant of what your children see in
Speaker 1: that house and make choices that not only best suit
Speaker 1: yourself but also suit your child. That's so very good,
Speaker 1: very very well said UM. I think my moment of
Speaker 1: truth is going to what Katrice said UM when she said,
Speaker 1: as a mom, I just had that gut feeling that
Speaker 1: I knew something was wrong. I feel like moms are
Speaker 1: gifted with this intuition that we just know that something
Speaker 1: may be wrong. And UM. I always encourage every mom
Speaker 1: or dad to go with that and not to take
Speaker 1: for granted that the family member is saying, oh, such
Speaker 1: and such was fine, or this person was fine, that
Speaker 1: person was fine, Oh the baby is just fine. You know.
Speaker 1: I think there's been too much of that happening, particularly
Speaker 1: in our community, where we just kind of brush things off,
Speaker 1: or just say somebody will outgrow it, and then when
Speaker 1: they don't and they're not necessarily as productive as a
Speaker 1: member of society as we want them to be, were
Speaker 1: then shunning them or we're making fun of them, or
Speaker 1: we're laughing at them. UM, as a put in, as
Speaker 1: opposed to trying to find out early like she said,
Speaker 1: that early intervention phase of finding out what exactly is
Speaker 1: going on, what makes my child take? Why isn't my
Speaker 1: child taking the way he or she should, and then
Speaker 1: being that advocate for them, speaking up for them, making
Speaker 1: sure that they have the resources they need. And let's
Speaker 1: face it, UM, a lot of black and brown kids
Speaker 1: don't necessarily have the resources readily available and handy to
Speaker 1: them that they need, in part because sometimes we don't
Speaker 1: do our due diligence and do our own research, but
Speaker 1: in part because they kind of give us these circles
Speaker 1: and these hoops that we have to jump through in
Speaker 1: order to advocate for our child properly. So I would
Speaker 1: encourage any parent, UM, if you see something with your
Speaker 1: child that you may feel like it's not necessarily the normal,
Speaker 1: don't always take the professional's word. As you know, as
Speaker 1: law and UM, sometimes you just have to do your
Speaker 1: own thing at home. And I think the benefit Katrice
Speaker 1: had was that during the pandemic she was really able to, like,
Speaker 1: hone in on Ashton, you know what we had this
Speaker 1: time at home, we're together, let me try everything. And
Speaker 1: imagine how she felt because I felt it just being
Speaker 1: a mom as well when she said he's talking now
Speaker 1: and everything, the flash cards, the fish, the blue, the purple,
Speaker 1: like he just it was just started coming out. So
Speaker 1: it wasn't in vain And I just got goose bumps
Speaker 1: in that moment for her because I just felt as
Speaker 1: a mom that sense of pride when you feel like wow,
Speaker 1: something was resonating this whole time and it was not
Speaker 1: in vain um and it was all for the betterment
Speaker 1: of the baby. So that's my MoMA is truth. That's
Speaker 1: a moment of truth. Thank you. I could tell you
Speaker 1: when your mama bear, I was meant to be. That's
Speaker 1: one thing I like. But we can coin that phrase
Speaker 1: on you as a mom, to be a mother. That's
Speaker 1: me in my happiest state as a mom and a wife. Anyhow,
Speaker 1: yess y'all all know where to find me, right Kadan
Speaker 1: i am on Instagram or on social media rather, and
Speaker 1: of course we're at dead as the Podcast and I
Speaker 1: am devout and if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be
Speaker 1: sure to rate, review and subscribe. Dead as dead Ass
Speaker 1: is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and
Speaker 1: is produced by the Norapinia and Triple Follow the podcast
Speaker 1: on social media at dead as the Podcasts and never
Speaker 1: miss a Thing