1
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:22,160
Speaker 1: Hello and welcome my favorite Murder the minisode we read

2
00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:23,000
Speaker 1: you our Stories.

3
00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:25,200
Speaker 2: This is a holiday episode. Do you want to hear

4
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:26,520
Speaker 2: your holiday emails?

5
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:26,680
Speaker 3: Go?

6
00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:28,280
Speaker 4: I want you to go first, Okay.

7
00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:31,120
Speaker 3: The subject line of this is Christmas card photos at

8
00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:34,800
Speaker 3: John List's house. Hi, Karen and Georgia. A longtime listener,

9
00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:37,680
Speaker 3: first time writer. I've been listening since i was sixteen.

10
00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:40,559
Speaker 3: And then it says scary in parentheses. I've got a

11
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,879
Speaker 3: hometown story for you that gives me chills. But my

12
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,480
Speaker 3: dad could not care less. My dad and his four

13
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,840
Speaker 3: brothers grew up in Morristown, New Jersey. In the early

14
00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:50,239
Speaker 3: nineteen seventies. They spent a lot of time visiting their

15
00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:53,800
Speaker 3: cousins in Westfield, who, it turns out, lived just three

16
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:57,600
Speaker 3: houses down from the List family. Their three oldest cousins

17
00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:00,440
Speaker 3: were the same ages as the List children and walked

18
00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:03,760
Speaker 3: to school with them. I've known about the Westfield connection

19
00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:06,080
Speaker 3: for a while and always brought it up as a

20
00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:09,480
Speaker 3: creepy little family fun fact. I've even said how much

21
00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:11,640
Speaker 3: I wish my great aunt and uncle were still alive

22
00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:12,960
Speaker 3: so I could pick their brains.

23
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:16,319
Speaker 2: They were there when it all happened, but it.

24
00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:18,479
Speaker 3: Wasn't until this past week while I was talking about

25
00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:21,399
Speaker 3: it again that my dad suddenly goes, oh, yeah, I

26
00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:23,760
Speaker 3: think we actually took a Christmas card photo in their

27
00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:27,760
Speaker 3: yard once, excuse me what. He then remembered that my

28
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:30,080
Speaker 3: grandma had taken their Christmas card photo in the front

29
00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:32,960
Speaker 3: yard of the List house right before the murders. There

30
00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:35,639
Speaker 3: was this big tree branch that curved low to the ground,

31
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:38,720
Speaker 3: and she had all five boys, ages eight to one,

32
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:39,440
Speaker 3: sit on it.

33
00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:42,240
Speaker 2: She just liked the tree. No one thought anything of it.

34
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:46,160
Speaker 3: Meanwhile, I'm spiraling and tearing through family photo albums trying

35
00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:49,000
Speaker 3: to find it, and my Dad's just like, huh, weird

36
00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:52,160
Speaker 3: and goes back to watching the Yankees game. And because

37
00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:55,840
Speaker 3: apparently my entire life is an MFM plot line, I

38
00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:59,400
Speaker 3: was also conceived via IVF and years later we found

39
00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:03,600
Speaker 3: out that Melanie Maguire, the suitcase murderer, was a nurse

40
00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:06,240
Speaker 3: at the fertility clinic. She was one of the people

41
00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:09,959
Speaker 3: monitoring my embryo's development. She was also allegedly in love

42
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,919
Speaker 3: with the doctor. My mom, upon hearing this, just shook

43
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,640
Speaker 3: her head and said he was handsome, but not murdering

44
00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:19,280
Speaker 3: your husband handsome. So yeah, I was literally watched over

45
00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:22,720
Speaker 3: by a murderer during my earliest stages of development. That's

46
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,400
Speaker 3: a little dramatic, watched over when you're an embryo and

47
00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:28,000
Speaker 3: somehow turned out kind of normal. I guess my love

48
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:31,160
Speaker 3: of true crime started at day zero. Thanks for letting

49
00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:35,000
Speaker 3: weirdos like me feel seen, heard, and only mildly cursed.

50
00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:37,399
Speaker 3: SSDGM Forever Shannon.

51
00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:38,160
Speaker 4: Wow.

52
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:41,880
Speaker 1: A couple of connections, at least two. Okay, my first

53
00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:47,200
Speaker 1: one's called Christmas Pinata of Terror. Hello MFM, beautiful ladies.

54
00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:49,720
Speaker 1: I am a pretty new listener, but just like anything

55
00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:52,560
Speaker 1: new that I enjoy, I am now obsessed. I even

56
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:55,240
Speaker 1: fall asleep listening sometimes. And let me tell you I've

57
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,920
Speaker 1: had some weird dreams. I thought i'd share just one

58
00:02:57,919 --> 00:03:00,240
Speaker 1: of my family stories that always gets talked about when

59
00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:02,840
Speaker 1: we reunite. Hope you enjoy as much as we do

60
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:08,200
Speaker 1: this horrid memory. The year is nineteen ninety three in Oceanside, California,

61
00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:11,480
Speaker 1: at Myabulita's house on Christmas Eve. We are a big

62
00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:15,320
Speaker 1: Mexican family. My Abuela had seven children and in total

63
00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:19,800
Speaker 1: nineteen grandchildren. Well, at this point there were only about

64
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,839
Speaker 1: eleven of us, most of us under the age of eight,

65
00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:22,720
Speaker 1: I was five.

66
00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:24,440
Speaker 2: Eleven kids under the age of eight.

67
00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:27,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's intense, that's too many, that's a grammar school basically.

68
00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:27,959
Speaker 4: Yeah.

69
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,799
Speaker 1: Like most Mexican families, we celebrate with a big party

70
00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:33,720
Speaker 1: on Christmas Eve that lasts all night, with lots of food, music,

71
00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:36,120
Speaker 1: and of course booze. Well, on this Christmas Eve, we

72
00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:39,160
Speaker 1: had a pinata to celebrate, but as it was winter

73
00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:42,080
Speaker 1: and reading outside, the adults decided to have the pinnata

74
00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:45,480
Speaker 1: in the garage. Like usual, every kid took turns trying

75
00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:47,680
Speaker 1: to break the pinata, and once they couldn't, the bigger

76
00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:50,080
Speaker 1: cousins took their turns. If you've ever been at the

77
00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:51,560
Speaker 1: moment when a pinata.

78
00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:52,880
Speaker 4: Breaks, all hell breaks loose.

79
00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:55,480
Speaker 1: We were all screaming with excitement and jumping to tried

80
00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:57,600
Speaker 1: and grab all the candy scattered on the floor.

81
00:03:58,120 --> 00:03:59,920
Speaker 4: Well, this very excited moment.

82
00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:02,800
Speaker 1: My uncle Danielle, who was the youngest of the seven

83
00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:06,480
Speaker 1: and twenty years old at this time and also quite intoxicated,

84
00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,920
Speaker 1: thought it would be hilarious idea to grab a random

85
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,840
Speaker 1: box of stuff on a shelf in my abuela's garage

86
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,240
Speaker 1: and toss it on top of all the children who

87
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:18,159
Speaker 1: are head down, scattered on the floor grabbing candy nails.

88
00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:19,440
Speaker 4: What he didn't know.

89
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:21,800
Speaker 1: At the time was that this particular box was filled

90
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,000
Speaker 1: with nails.

91
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:26,039
Speaker 2: I guessed it. Sorry, should I not do that?

92
00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:26,200
Speaker 3: No?

93
00:04:26,279 --> 00:04:30,719
Speaker 1: I like it. Okay, nails, screws, hammers, wrenches and heavy

94
00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:31,960
Speaker 1: duty locks.

95
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:33,880
Speaker 4: Oh shit, this is trash, uncle.

96
00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:36,960
Speaker 3: It's so much worse than nails. It's so much heavier

97
00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:38,600
Speaker 3: and more dangerous than nails.

98
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:41,120
Speaker 4: So it's so bad. It's so bad.

99
00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:42,600
Speaker 2: And drunk uncle, yes.

100
00:04:42,839 --> 00:04:43,520
Speaker 4: You can imagine.

101
00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:46,160
Speaker 1: Cheers of joys turned into cries and screamed from all

102
00:04:46,279 --> 00:04:49,159
Speaker 1: us kids. My cousin, who was four, was holding his

103
00:04:49,279 --> 00:04:53,000
Speaker 1: head crying because a giant lock had landed straight on it.

104
00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:55,919
Speaker 1: We all ran to our parents with our bruises, and

105
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,960
Speaker 1: my aunts and uncles were yelling at my drunk uncle,

106
00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:01,800
Speaker 1: who was confused and also feeling so terrible. Just like

107
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:04,800
Speaker 1: most Mexican family horrible moments, they get turned into the

108
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,839
Speaker 1: funniest moments to share now that we are all.

109
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:07,920
Speaker 4: In our thirties and forties.

110
00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,479
Speaker 1: Hope you laugh as much as I do every time

111
00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:14,320
Speaker 1: I remember my drunk uncle ruining Christmas. Remember to stay

112
00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,960
Speaker 1: sexy and don't throw a box of tools on children

113
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:20,880
Speaker 1: during a pinata your fan, Kayla.

114
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,720
Speaker 3: Kayla, it's almost like your uncle thought that in that

115
00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,800
Speaker 3: garage there were boxes of confetti or like boxes of

116
00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:27,559
Speaker 3: tutsi rolls.

117
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,520
Speaker 1: What could the like positive thing have been in a

118
00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:31,239
Speaker 1: fucking garage.

119
00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:33,920
Speaker 3: Nothing, It's just the idea of like it would be

120
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:37,200
Speaker 3: funny if his other twenty year old friends were doing it, Yeah,

121
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:39,680
Speaker 3: because then it's like a box of whatever, Right, But

122
00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,479
Speaker 3: a four year old that's like you hit me in

123
00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:43,880
Speaker 3: the head with a master lock, right.

124
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:48,600
Speaker 1: Like what was the best outcome he was expecting? Like pushpins?

125
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:51,240
Speaker 1: Even like what could have been okay.

126
00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:56,320
Speaker 3: In a garage setting, earplus earplugs would have been even then.

127
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:00,880
Speaker 3: This is an saying I'm not going to read you

128
00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:03,920
Speaker 3: the subject line. The good thing is that these are

129
00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:07,279
Speaker 3: holiday stories where it's like holidays are made for fuck

130
00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:11,600
Speaker 3: ups like that. It's the best. Here's another one. Hello there,

131
00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:14,239
Speaker 3: all you bright young things. Been listening to you, lovely

132
00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:17,040
Speaker 3: ladies since twenty eighteen. Love all you do for this

133
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:19,800
Speaker 3: community of adorable creeps, as well as the many other

134
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:22,400
Speaker 3: things you do for those in need. In parentheses, it

135
00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:25,479
Speaker 3: says I'm actually the Instagram commenter who told you the

136
00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:27,840
Speaker 3: story of my son and I when I was unhoused

137
00:06:27,839 --> 00:06:30,120
Speaker 3: and living in a truck remeunder that ooh yeah, yeah,

138
00:06:30,279 --> 00:06:32,960
Speaker 3: this is her. I'd love to share my shit adult

139
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:36,320
Speaker 3: story with you. As this revolves around a theater performance,

140
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:39,000
Speaker 3: let me set this scene for you. For several years

141
00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:42,159
Speaker 3: I headed up a field trip for homeschooled children. Yes,

142
00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:44,919
Speaker 3: I was trying to socialize them, but they mostly remained

143
00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:48,360
Speaker 3: stubbornly and gloriously weird. I finally handed the reins of

144
00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:51,080
Speaker 3: the group over to a more capable mom with seven kids,

145
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:54,480
Speaker 3: as I was woefully unqualified with only a homeschool starter

146
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:59,600
Speaker 3: pack of five children. Not a contest, Thankfully, today, after

147
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:02,640
Speaker 3: twenty one years of homeschooling, these days of tearing my

148
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,240
Speaker 3: hair out over fourth grade grammar lessons and begging my

149
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:07,360
Speaker 3: kids to put on pants are behind me now.

150
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:08,920
Speaker 2: Hope it was worth it.

151
00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:12,679
Speaker 3: One December, I was able to secure our group tickets

152
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,200
Speaker 3: to a local production of a Christmas Carol that was

153
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:19,160
Speaker 3: putting on a special matinee for elementary students. Happily, Dickens

154
00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:22,560
Speaker 3: was an acceptable topic even for my most conservative group members.

155
00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:25,760
Speaker 3: So off we went, congesting the city's traffic flow with

156
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:31,960
Speaker 3: dozens of eight passenger vans. It's really specific. We were

157
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,800
Speaker 3: all thoroughly enjoying the play. The actors were excellent, the

158
00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:38,280
Speaker 3: live orchestra playing in the pit were performing brilliantly. We

159
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:41,400
Speaker 3: arrived at one of the seminal moments in Ebenezer Scrooge's

160
00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:45,680
Speaker 3: moral arc, the graveyard scene. Scrooge encounters his own tombstone

161
00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,080
Speaker 3: under the bony finger of the ghost of Christmas Future,

162
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,880
Speaker 3: played by an actor dressed in a grim Reaper style

163
00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:54,000
Speaker 3: hood and cape. Just as Scrooge began to beg the

164
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:57,560
Speaker 3: Specter to tell him how to prevent such evil prognostications,

165
00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:01,840
Speaker 3: the Ghost of Christmas Future, hood shrouding their face, floated

166
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:05,280
Speaker 3: ominously towards the front of the stage and immediately went

167
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:08,800
Speaker 3: over the edge with the very loud what the fuck

168
00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:12,280
Speaker 3: in their headset mike. They crashed into the orchestra pit,

169
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,400
Speaker 3: where all manner of instruments clattered and banged.

170
00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:17,880
Speaker 2: Oh my god, fell into the pit.

171
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,680
Speaker 3: Oh my god, the specter had landed on the French

172
00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:23,160
Speaker 3: horn player. The house lights went up and the theater

173
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:25,840
Speaker 3: staff appeared on stage. They asked that all the students

174
00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:28,560
Speaker 3: remained quietly in their seats while they peered down at

175
00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,520
Speaker 3: the carnage and the orchestra pit, an ambulance was called

176
00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:34,200
Speaker 3: the Ghost of Christmas Future had a concussion and the

177
00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,480
Speaker 3: French horn player had cracked two ribs.

178
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,600
Speaker 4: Oh my god, I.

179
00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:41,800
Speaker 2: So it's so awful.

180
00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:42,080
Speaker 1: Yeah.

181
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:44,679
Speaker 3: Have you seen the video of Kelsey Grammar falling off

182
00:08:44,679 --> 00:08:47,080
Speaker 3: the stage? Yeah, he's like acting and then he just

183
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:50,880
Speaker 3: liked the one false move. It's so violent, But I

184
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,440
Speaker 3: doubt anything will ever be as horrifying to him as

185
00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:55,520
Speaker 3: looking up and seeing what appeared to be the grim

186
00:08:55,559 --> 00:08:58,920
Speaker 3: Reaper falling on him. To our kids credit, the theater

187
00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,320
Speaker 3: manager said we were the best behaved group of children

188
00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:04,720
Speaker 3: they'd ever had for many of them, though their silence

189
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,080
Speaker 3: might have been the shock and trauma of hearing the.

190
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:10,240
Speaker 2: F word for the first time. Fun in a house might.

191
00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:14,160
Speaker 1: Oh, like, yes, resigning, what the fuck? Is so much

192
00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:15,200
Speaker 1: better than just a fuck?

193
00:09:16,559 --> 00:09:18,840
Speaker 3: I think those kids learned far more than we intended

194
00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:21,800
Speaker 3: that day. Maybe there's no correlation, but I was deposed

195
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,920
Speaker 3: as group leaders soon after Stay Sexy and Don't Yell

196
00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:27,760
Speaker 3: WTF to an audience of three hundred homeschoolers.

197
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:31,160
Speaker 4: Betsy, that's good.

198
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:32,880
Speaker 1: So good, and like he had his mask on, so

199
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:34,680
Speaker 1: we like never got in trouble for it, probably like

200
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:35,880
Speaker 1: no one is ever gonna.

201
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:38,080
Speaker 2: Right he it's not really him, it's mononymous.

202
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:40,280
Speaker 3: Of course, death is gonna say fucking front of your

203
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:41,360
Speaker 3: kids for the first time.

204
00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:42,960
Speaker 4: He's falling off the fucking stage.

205
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:43,680
Speaker 2: He's Death.

206
00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:44,360
Speaker 3: Who's dying?

207
00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:46,040
Speaker 4: That's the scar the scary.

208
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:48,040
Speaker 3: One time I was an Oliver and the guy that

209
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:52,080
Speaker 3: played the artful Dodger had this big long coat on

210
00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,839
Speaker 3: and during his like song I can't remember what the

211
00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:57,880
Speaker 3: song was, he turned to like dramatically turned to the

212
00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:00,880
Speaker 3: rest of the you know, orphans or whatever, and he

213
00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:02,839
Speaker 3: had a bag of Eminem's in his pocket that just

214
00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:06,640
Speaker 3: sprayed in an arc across the stage, where I was like, oh,

215
00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:07,560
Speaker 3: this is bad.

216
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:08,320
Speaker 2: See watching it.

217
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:11,560
Speaker 1: If that came out of a pinata, not fucking hilarious,

218
00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:12,600
Speaker 1: that would have fixed Christmas.

219
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:14,640
Speaker 4: That's right, not out of.

220
00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:20,560
Speaker 1: Coat. Okay, this is a trash kids story. Hi ya, Earthlings,

221
00:10:20,679 --> 00:10:24,040
Speaker 1: trash Kids Unite. It's December nineteen ninety six and I

222
00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,000
Speaker 1: was a wee four year old trying to make my

223
00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:29,679
Speaker 1: way in the world. Preschool was wild and we were

224
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:32,760
Speaker 1: tasked with making a Christmas ornament for our parents, but

225
00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:35,880
Speaker 1: only one for the pair, But how will that work?

226
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,959
Speaker 1: I have newly divorced parents and I can't possibly choose

227
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:42,319
Speaker 1: between the two. My teacher understands my predicament and kindly

228
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:44,079
Speaker 1: lets me make two ornaments.

229
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:45,840
Speaker 4: Here comes the end.

230
00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:48,280
Speaker 1: Of the day and Tammy, the mother of all mothers,

231
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:52,440
Speaker 1: comes to pick up her daughter me and the teacher

232
00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:55,280
Speaker 1: pulls her aside. Miss Tracy says, Tammy, I'm so sorry

233
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,120
Speaker 1: to hear that you and Doug are getting a divorce.

234
00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:59,360
Speaker 1: We had no idea and he didn't say a thing

235
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:02,640
Speaker 1: during drop off this morning. Tammy is stunned and says,

236
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:04,240
Speaker 1: excuse me, and.

237
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:04,960
Speaker 4: Thought to herself.

238
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,280
Speaker 1: When I left the house this morning, everything was fine.

239
00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:09,240
Speaker 1: He gave me a kiss goodbye and told me he

240
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:09,720
Speaker 1: loved me.

241
00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:11,840
Speaker 4: Oh no, Miss Tracy.

242
00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,680
Speaker 1: Says, well, page let us know this morning that Doug

243
00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:16,000
Speaker 1: has packed up his stuff in boxes by the front

244
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:19,280
Speaker 1: door and things are not working out, so he's leaving tonight.

245
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,960
Speaker 1: She insisted that she make Christmas presents for both of you,

246
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:26,120
Speaker 1: since he will be alone for Christmas this year, and

247
00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:29,400
Speaker 1: then alarm bell started going off. My brilliant four year

248
00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:31,920
Speaker 1: old ass decided to make up an elaborate ruse and

249
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,360
Speaker 1: tell my teachers that my parents were getting a divorce,

250
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,600
Speaker 1: and my father has packed his bags to move in

251
00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:39,760
Speaker 1: with my grandparents for the sole reason of getting to

252
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:43,520
Speaker 1: all caps make two Christmas ornaments.

253
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:45,320
Speaker 4: She's brilliant.

254
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,120
Speaker 2: She's about quantity that's not falling.

255
00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,880
Speaker 1: I can only make one. How about I make up

256
00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:51,080
Speaker 1: an elaborate lie.

257
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,520
Speaker 3: How about I just pulled together whatever it will take

258
00:11:53,559 --> 00:11:55,240
Speaker 3: to get me a second ornament?

259
00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:58,160
Speaker 1: But like believable enough to an adult that it worked

260
00:11:58,360 --> 00:11:59,480
Speaker 1: and a four year old.

261
00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:02,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, having you those details of like his bags are packed.

262
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:05,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's pretty smart, Like, yeah, how did they know

263
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:05,559
Speaker 1: that was the thing?

264
00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:07,080
Speaker 4: Mych to Tammy's delight.

265
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,319
Speaker 1: Her husband was there when we got home and confirmed

266
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,960
Speaker 1: they are not getting a divorce. They've been married for

267
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,880
Speaker 1: thirty seven years and are my favorite people in the world,

268
00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:16,640
Speaker 1: I says DGM Page.

269
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:20,440
Speaker 3: I mean, epic, just an epic. It's kind of a

270
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,600
Speaker 3: good brag story about yourself. You're like, I was a

271
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,520
Speaker 3: pretty smart, precocious four year old.

272
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:26,520
Speaker 4: This is my trash kid story. I was a liar.

273
00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:29,120
Speaker 3: But imagine if that woman really was finding out that

274
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:30,480
Speaker 3: she was getting divorced.

275
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:30,720
Speaker 4: Through their hurt.

276
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:34,960
Speaker 2: Oh my god, like preschool teacher, what a way to go.

277
00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:37,560
Speaker 1: What are your terrible divorce stories? How'd you find out

278
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:38,440
Speaker 1: you were getting a divorce?

279
00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:40,880
Speaker 3: I did lie in college and told my math teacher

280
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,520
Speaker 3: that I had been skipping class because my parents were

281
00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:45,640
Speaker 3: getting a divorce. Wow, because I just wanted her to

282
00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:47,800
Speaker 3: leave me alone. But then as I walked away from

283
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,920
Speaker 3: that conversation, I was like, Oh that was that was

284
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:51,160
Speaker 3: a bad vibe to do.

285
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:52,200
Speaker 4: This feels bad.

286
00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:53,120
Speaker 2: It all felt so bad.

287
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:59,319
Speaker 3: Yeah, here's my last one. This subject line is childhood

288
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:02,080
Speaker 3: magic with a twist. Hi ladies, First off, thank you

289
00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:05,280
Speaker 3: for everything you do, especially for advocating mental health awareness

290
00:13:05,559 --> 00:13:08,560
Speaker 3: and for the life changing mantra fuck politeness. As a

291
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:11,320
Speaker 3: woman raised to keep things buttoned up and lady like,

292
00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:14,160
Speaker 3: this advice has been a game changer. It's helped me

293
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:16,800
Speaker 3: grow into a badass mom who teaches her daughter to

294
00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:20,240
Speaker 3: speak up, trust her gut, and take up space unapologetically.

295
00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:24,960
Speaker 3: Now onto my hometown ish holiday tail. I've been listening

296
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,320
Speaker 3: since the beginning, and it's never occurred to me that

297
00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:30,920
Speaker 3: this story might fall squarely into your weight what category?

298
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:32,760
Speaker 2: H did you know that was a category?

299
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:33,520
Speaker 4: But I love it?

300
00:13:33,679 --> 00:13:33,920
Speaker 2: Wait?

301
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:36,600
Speaker 3: What Back in the eighties, when I was five or six.

302
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:39,000
Speaker 3: Money was tight for our family, like it was for

303
00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:41,600
Speaker 3: a lot of people, but my parents always went all

304
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:44,200
Speaker 3: out to make the holidays feel magical. One of our

305
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:47,120
Speaker 3: most sacred traditions was piling into the family truck after

306
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:50,319
Speaker 3: dark to go get the Christmas tree. We'd bundle up,

307
00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:53,080
Speaker 3: drive deep into the woods, and be told very seriously

308
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:57,040
Speaker 3: to stay quiet. Then, without headlights, my parents would disappear

309
00:13:57,040 --> 00:14:00,440
Speaker 3: into the trees and return dragging the perfect pine.

310
00:14:00,559 --> 00:14:01,080
Speaker 4: Oh no.

311
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:04,559
Speaker 3: Flash forward to college. I'm swapping holiday memories with my roommate.

312
00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:08,120
Speaker 3: She's telling sweet stories about baking shortbread cookies with her mom,

313
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,199
Speaker 3: and I'm like, oh, well, we used to drive into

314
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,280
Speaker 3: the woods at night without lights and whisper while my

315
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:16,719
Speaker 3: parents cut down a tree. Her smile slowly morphed into confusion.

316
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,880
Speaker 3: That's when it hit me, Oh my god, we were

317
00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:23,720
Speaker 3: stealing Christmas trees, didn't I didn't get it.

318
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:26,720
Speaker 4: Until I read that lie, like no lights a Christmas tree?

319
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:27,520
Speaker 4: I don't know about that.

320
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:31,440
Speaker 3: She laughed so hard she cried, and I, mortified, immediately

321
00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:33,600
Speaker 3: called my parents. They didn't even try to deny it.

322
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,680
Speaker 3: In fact, they chuckled and said, well, yeah, but it

323
00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:39,440
Speaker 3: was all fine. They reassured me because years later my

324
00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:41,960
Speaker 3: dad worked weekends at a tree farm, so in their

325
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:45,840
Speaker 3: minds it was basically even I still laugh how sincerely

326
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:49,120
Speaker 3: naive I was. My parents are strong, resourceful people who

327
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:52,720
Speaker 3: would do anything to make sure that we had joyful memories,

328
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,880
Speaker 3: even if those memories came with a bit of a

329
00:14:54,920 --> 00:15:00,120
Speaker 3: misdemeanor SSDGM and don't get caught stealing spruces s and

330
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,520
Speaker 3: it says ps keeping my full name off this one

331
00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:05,560
Speaker 3: because who knows that the statute limitations covers holiday tree

332
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:06,720
Speaker 3: heights from the eighties.

333
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:09,680
Speaker 1: I wonder I'm wondering if it was like from the

334
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:12,200
Speaker 1: forest or from like a Christmas tree farm.

335
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:15,040
Speaker 3: Yet sounds to me like like once I read all

336
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:16,800
Speaker 3: the way through, I was like, I bet they pulled

337
00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:19,080
Speaker 3: up on like a little road next to the Christmas

338
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:21,400
Speaker 3: tree farm and then like cut through the fence totally,

339
00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:25,240
Speaker 3: because I think they do extend past. I mean, that's

340
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:27,120
Speaker 3: all the Christmas tree farms up were.

341
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:29,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, like if you worked there eventually, then there's a

342
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:33,720
Speaker 1: place to work, because yes, okay, yeah, all right, God

343
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:37,800
Speaker 1: do what you gotta do, right, okay, trash dad parent story,

344
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:41,000
Speaker 1: Hey Murder Mavens, you have been such a constant in

345
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,040
Speaker 1: my life since twenty sixteen, and I'm so thankful for

346
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:45,200
Speaker 1: the laughs and the reminders that I deserve to take

347
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:48,920
Speaker 1: up space in this increasingly wild world. An additional hello

348
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,920
Speaker 1: to Stephen, the crew, and the critters. If there are

349
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:54,560
Speaker 1: any young kids listening, might want to pause or skip

350
00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:57,960
Speaker 1: this one, Yes, but it's actually for a different reason.

351
00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:58,360
Speaker 4: It's funny.

352
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:01,440
Speaker 1: It's about Santa Claus. Everyone, so pause it if your kid.

353
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:04,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're going to talk about his specific route loves him.

354
00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:06,480
Speaker 1: Yeah. Something you have to know about my father in

355
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:08,560
Speaker 1: law is that he is very dyslexic, and at the

356
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,960
Speaker 1: time the story took place, was a bit of a

357
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:15,240
Speaker 1: mostly functional alcoholic. So it's Christmas, even the late nineties,

358
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:18,120
Speaker 1: and my mother in law has pristinely wrapped the family's

359
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,120
Speaker 1: gifts and then passed them along to my father in

360
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,880
Speaker 1: law to label and put under the tree. Shortly later,

361
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:26,320
Speaker 1: tasks completed, everyone headed to bed the next day on Christmas,

362
00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:29,600
Speaker 1: warning my spouse, then about seven or eight, was excitedly

363
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:32,360
Speaker 1: unwrapping gifts. They grabbed the next gift and my mother

364
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:36,440
Speaker 1: in law asked, who's that one? From my spouse satan

365
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:40,920
Speaker 1: mother in law what spouse showing mother in law the

366
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:44,960
Speaker 1: tag it says Satan. My mother in law then started

367
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:47,440
Speaker 1: looking at the tags on all of my spouse's gifts

368
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:51,600
Speaker 1: from Santa and sees that her dyslexic husband, several beers deep,

369
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:55,240
Speaker 1: had misspelled Santa on most of the gifts, making the

370
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,440
Speaker 1: devil seem like a very generous guy.

371
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,320
Speaker 2: That's how he gets you.

372
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:01,360
Speaker 1: That's right, And that, my friends, is how my spouse

373
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,520
Speaker 1: found out the truth about Santa. Oh so you like

374
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:09,600
Speaker 1: believe Santa didn't spell his name wrong, friends.

375
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:10,639
Speaker 2: That's right, he would know how to spell it.

376
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:13,440
Speaker 1: That's right, Stay sexy and spell check the gift tags.

377
00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:19,720
Speaker 1: Lara rhymes with Sarah. She her ugh my god, yeah, Satan.

378
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:23,400
Speaker 2: A drunk dad being like, here you go, Satan, have

379
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:24,399
Speaker 2: ben love Satan.

380
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:26,879
Speaker 1: We'll hope you guys are having a good holiday, and

381
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,920
Speaker 1: thank you for writing your stories and write them into

382
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:30,920
Speaker 1: my favorite murder at Gmail if you feel like it.

383
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,520
Speaker 3: And this year, why don't you do some stuff that

384
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,080
Speaker 3: will then enable you to write in next year?

385
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:37,159
Speaker 4: Yeah, what are you gonna do?

386
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,880
Speaker 3: Throw a box of nails at your nieces and nephews

387
00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:42,000
Speaker 3: while they're on the ground looking for candy.

388
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:44,600
Speaker 4: Let us know we want another story.

389
00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:47,800
Speaker 3: Please don't hurt anybody, but make something happen. Yeah, and

390
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:48,560
Speaker 3: stay sex.

391
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,479
Speaker 4: And don't get murdered. Goodbye, Elvis.

392
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:52,240
Speaker 1: Do you want a cookie?

393
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:01,880
Speaker 2: This has been an exactly right production.

394
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,639
Speaker 1: Our senior producer is Molly Smith and our associate producer

395
00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:05,480
Speaker 1: is Tessa Hughes.

396
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:07,520
Speaker 2: Our editor is Aristotle Ascevedo.

397
00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:09,719
Speaker 4: This episode was mixed by Leona Scuolacci.

398
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,680
Speaker 3: Email your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail dot com.

399
00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:14,879
Speaker 1: Follow the show on Instagram at my Favorite Murder.

400
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:16,200
Speaker 2: Listen to My Favorite Murder on.

401
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:20,240
Speaker 3: The iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

402
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,040
Speaker 1: Or watch us on YouTube. Search for My Favorite Murder

403
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:23,280
Speaker 1: and then like and subscribe.

404
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:24,320
Speaker 4: Hey, you buye