WEBVTT - Wanna Know How To Date? Ask A Man!

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<v Speaker 1>It's I Do Part two and it's your real life

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<v Speaker 1>normal single gal host Louise and today, sadly I am

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<v Speaker 1>holding down before it without my partner in crime, Thelma,

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<v Speaker 1>but I am joined once again and back by popular demand,

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<v Speaker 1>real life single stud JD. I am actually shocked that

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<v Speaker 1>he is still single and maybe I have a shot,

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<v Speaker 1>but in any event, he is here to answer all

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<v Speaker 1>of the many questions that came in from our listeners,

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<v Speaker 1>and I too, am on baited breath because I'd love

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<v Speaker 1>to hear from the mind of a guy like him. JD.

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome back, Thank you, thanks for having me back.

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<v Speaker 1>Of course, last time you were on the pod, people

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<v Speaker 1>loved hearing what you had to say. So this time

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<v Speaker 1>we're going to bring you the questions directly from our listeners.

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<v Speaker 2>You ready, yeah, looking forward to Okay.

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<v Speaker 1>So our first question comes from a girl named Ashley,

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<v Speaker 1>and she's asking what's something a woman might do on

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<v Speaker 1>a date that she thinks is charming but a guy

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<v Speaker 1>would find cringey.

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<v Speaker 2>That's good. One of them might be she might think

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<v Speaker 2>it's charming to just not eat anything or eat very lightly,

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<v Speaker 2>and I think that comes to mind. I've been on

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<v Speaker 2>dates where either the woman doesn't eat at all, or

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<v Speaker 2>she ate ahead of time, and I think it's kind

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<v Speaker 2>of fun to share the meal with somebody who actually so,

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<v Speaker 2>I think that seems charming, I would.

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<v Speaker 1>Say, But let me interrupt, because the flip side is

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<v Speaker 1>the girl who sits at the table and orders the

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<v Speaker 1>most expensive thing on the media.

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<v Speaker 2>That's true, I would think. I think it's just I

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<v Speaker 2>think if you get kind of the uh, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I am just gonna have a drink and aner solid yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm going to have the salad. It's like, there's

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<v Speaker 2>nothing wrong with that. I just don't think it's necessarily charming.

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<v Speaker 2>It's just I think it's fine to order, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>an app, but you know, an entree and a salad whatever.

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<v Speaker 2>I wouldn't. I wouldn't hold back having an entre because

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<v Speaker 2>you think it's gonna give a bad impression. I guess.

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<v Speaker 2>Is my main point. The guy should be grown up

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<v Speaker 2>enough if he asked you to dinner, he shouldn't be

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<v Speaker 2>upset that you ordered an entre. That's that would be strange.

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<v Speaker 2>So I do so don't. It's not cringey and it's

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<v Speaker 2>not charming to skip the entree. I would do. Just

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<v Speaker 2>you know, just enjoy it or do what you want.

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<v Speaker 1>And you know what, But what's interesting is and I've

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<v Speaker 1>kind of changed this, this has been a different for one.

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<v Speaker 1>One for me is a first date. For me, I

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<v Speaker 1>would rather just have a drink. I don't want to

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<v Speaker 1>be locked in to a two hour dinner, right because

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<v Speaker 1>we kind of know pretty quickly if this is going

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<v Speaker 1>to be explored on a second date. And so for me,

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<v Speaker 1>I would just like to do a quick drink and

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<v Speaker 1>then go from there. Now, if the drink is great

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<v Speaker 1>and I've had this happen where it hibots to a dinner,

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<v Speaker 1>then that's cool, but I would rather just kind of

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<v Speaker 1>limit it right out of the gate.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I love that idea and I've used that one myself.

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<v Speaker 2>Where you meet somebody at four, like at four or

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<v Speaker 2>five o'clock for a drink. You have a dinner reservation

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<v Speaker 2>in the bag, you've already got one locked in for seven,

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<v Speaker 2>either at the same restaurant or nearby, and if things

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<v Speaker 2>are going well, you just roll into the dinner, but

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<v Speaker 2>you're officially meeting for a drink for happy hour at five,

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<v Speaker 2>but you've got it if you've got that seven o'clock resie.

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<v Speaker 2>If you need it. I think as a guy, that's

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<v Speaker 2>a great strategy, and I think you know, for a woman,

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<v Speaker 2>it's the same thing. You haven't committed to dinner, but

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<v Speaker 2>you could say, hey, this, I'm really enjoying, I'm really

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<v Speaker 2>enjoying this. And sometimes the conversation will just keep on

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<v Speaker 2>going and you blow right through dinner without even thinking

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<v Speaker 2>about it. You just start oring food right at the

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<v Speaker 2>place you were just planning to have a drink, right,

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<v Speaker 2>So yeah, it's a lower commitment, less stress, and then

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<v Speaker 2>just let it organically either end or move into dinner, right,

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<v Speaker 2>but start with a drink. I love it. The dinner

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<v Speaker 2>can feel a little intimidating, like the eight o'clock dinner

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<v Speaker 2>reservation somewhere. Just meet for a drink at five and

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<v Speaker 2>or five thirty, and then let it roll into dinner

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<v Speaker 2>if it does, and if it doesn't.

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<v Speaker 1>It doesn't, you know. And there's also and we could

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<v Speaker 1>pop on so I know other listeners are calling in

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<v Speaker 1>with questions, but I just find you so interesting.

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<v Speaker 2>To talk to.

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<v Speaker 1>But there's also a school of thought, which is, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>you don't want a first date to go into like

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<v Speaker 1>this marathon for five hours where like all of a sudden,

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<v Speaker 1>it's like, you know, you've kind of gotten it all

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<v Speaker 1>out of the table and there's almost no reason to

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<v Speaker 1>go out again in a way, right, Like you want

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<v Speaker 1>to leave them wanting more. And I know everybody does

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<v Speaker 1>it differently, right, but I do think that sometimes it's

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<v Speaker 1>better just to kind of it's almost like the appetizer

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<v Speaker 1>and not the not the full entree.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I get I get I get that. Thinking a

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<v Speaker 2>little bit, I guess, I would say there are very

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<v Speaker 2>few people that you want to date for months or

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<v Speaker 2>years that you run out of You run out of

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<v Speaker 2>reasons to hang out after a couple hours. So I don't.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't. I'm not a big believer in the hold

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<v Speaker 2>back strategy. I think if you like somebody and it's

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<v Speaker 2>flowing and you like it, just let it roll. I don't.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know. I mean, again, this is a guy's perspective,

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<v Speaker 2>so I can't. Yeah, I can't give you. I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>a woman might have a brilliant strategy of holding back

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<v Speaker 2>some some different things to reveal on the second date,

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<v Speaker 2>and and and again, maybe that works, maybe it doesn't.

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<v Speaker 2>My perspective is if people are vibing and the conversation's flowing,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, let it roll and enjoy getting to know

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<v Speaker 2>each other, Like why not? But again, just a man's perspective.

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<v Speaker 2>If if a woman has a special way to hold

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<v Speaker 2>things nuggets back and reveal them over time, and she's

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<v Speaker 2>got that down, then more power. Like I can't take

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<v Speaker 2>away from that.

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<v Speaker 1>I think it's a combination. But we are here to

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<v Speaker 1>hear your perspective, right, because you are. What I appreciate

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<v Speaker 1>about you is you are super even super communicative, super transparent,

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<v Speaker 1>super mature, like you're you're healthy, right, and so you

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<v Speaker 1>are kind of a unicorn. So for us to sit

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<v Speaker 1>here and actually learn and listen, this is great tidbits

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<v Speaker 1>for us as we are navigating this this dating world.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and I think if a guy's interested in you,

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<v Speaker 2>the idea that he's going to be like, oh man,

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<v Speaker 2>I you know, the first day was so good, but

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<v Speaker 2>there was nothing new to talk about on the second day,

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<v Speaker 2>Like I just I think that I think that's very rare.

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<v Speaker 2>So I would say, I would say, you know, do

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<v Speaker 2>what's natural. You don't force yourself to hold back. I

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<v Speaker 2>would say, don't don't be like, oh, I was going

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<v Speaker 2>to tell this story. It seemed like the perfect time,

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<v Speaker 2>but I'm going to hold it back now I can

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<v Speaker 2>hold back like I just yeah, yeah, I would just

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<v Speaker 2>let it go natural, but just you know my two cents.

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<v Speaker 1>This is from a caller named Kim. When you are

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<v Speaker 1>divorced and dating again, can you date more than one

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<v Speaker 1>person at a time? How does that work? Do you

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<v Speaker 1>have to tell everyone? At what point do you tell everyone?

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I would love to hear I have my perspective,

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<v Speaker 1>but I would love to hear your perspective.

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<v Speaker 2>Sorry that the first part is just that you're single again.

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<v Speaker 1>So when you're divorced and dating again, right, and you're

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<v Speaker 1>and you're you're kind of out there.

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<v Speaker 2>Sharing that you're divorced. Is that the piece you're talking

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<v Speaker 2>about shuring.

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<v Speaker 1>That you're sharing that you're dating multiple times?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, yeah, I've I've had the one come up a

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<v Speaker 2>few times. I think it is. I don't think it

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<v Speaker 2>needs to come up in the first, you know, few dates,

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<v Speaker 2>or even necessarily in month one or two. I think

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<v Speaker 2>the times when it has typically come up in my

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<v Speaker 2>experience is kind of around month three.

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<v Speaker 1>And are you sleeping with that person?

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<v Speaker 2>So the sleeping thing, I h do.

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<v Speaker 1>You find that there's girl like for me? If I'm

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<v Speaker 1>going to sleep with somebody, they're only sleeping with me, right,

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<v Speaker 1>so there is a pretty clear conversation.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>But I also feel organically, when a relationship is moving authentically,

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<v Speaker 1>you don't even almost have to kind of have the

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<v Speaker 1>conversation because both people are all in on it. And

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<v Speaker 1>if you have to have a conversation and there's some

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<v Speaker 1>sort of a of a question or a gray area,

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<v Speaker 1>that's not good. But maybe there are guys out there,

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<v Speaker 1>or there are girls that are comfortable with people who

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<v Speaker 1>have multiple partners.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, this is one where I think often the woman

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<v Speaker 2>takes the lead on this one. But I would say

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<v Speaker 2>I've had I've had people I was dating bring it

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<v Speaker 2>up before we slept together, like, hey, just so you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm really only comfortable if we're at a monogamous thing

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<v Speaker 2>and they brought it up before. I've had other people

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<v Speaker 2>bring it up after we were sleeping together for a month,

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<v Speaker 2>let's say, and then they brought it up. So my view,

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<v Speaker 2>and I don't know if that's a well, my view

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<v Speaker 2>is my advice to the woman asking the question and

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<v Speaker 2>to women in general, is bring it up when it

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<v Speaker 2>makes when it feels right to you, If you want

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<v Speaker 2>to be in a monogamous relationship before and it needs

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<v Speaker 2>to be exclusive before you sleep with them, then you

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<v Speaker 2>should say that if you're if you're like, well, I

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<v Speaker 2>want to kind of see how things are going, what

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<v Speaker 2>our chemistry is. Like I'm not so worried about exclusivity

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<v Speaker 2>right out of the gate, But if I start getting emotional,

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<v Speaker 2>if I start we start getting more attached, and we

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<v Speaker 2>start building a deeper relationship, then I want to know

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<v Speaker 2>that you're not being as intimate with other people as

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<v Speaker 2>you are with me. And so it can happen at

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<v Speaker 2>different times for different people. So again, it should be

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<v Speaker 2>what feels right to you, I think, and bring it

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<v Speaker 2>up when it's right to you. And I think a

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<v Speaker 2>man can handle the conversation.

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<v Speaker 1>And I would assume, like right out of the gate,

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<v Speaker 1>if some girls sitting there saying, oh, and we're exclusive,

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<v Speaker 1>and you're going to be like running for the hills,

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<v Speaker 1>like that's like Glenn Close's fatal attraction right, Like that

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<v Speaker 1>is just way too much. I think. I guess for me,

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<v Speaker 1>you just kind of know when it's going in that direction.

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<v Speaker 1>It just kind of I don't know, feels yeah or again.

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<v Speaker 2>I agree, I don't think there's a formula. I think

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<v Speaker 2>it has to kind of you got to bring it

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<v Speaker 2>up when it feels like bring it up. But yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I would I would stay away from like the first month,

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<v Speaker 2>and then I would also stay away from the opposite

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<v Speaker 2>like you know, waiting six months or some other things.

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<v Speaker 2>But there's some time when it's going to feel like

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<v Speaker 2>you should talk about right.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, no, it's it's it's all super super interesting. I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>the mind of a man versus the mind of a woman.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like that whole book mant are from Mars and

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<v Speaker 1>man are from Venus. I mean they were kind of

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<v Speaker 1>onto something, right. It's like you say black, I say, right,

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<v Speaker 1>so this is good for us finding the gray.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. And a lot of times the guy is not

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<v Speaker 2>going to bring this up, and so the woman often

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<v Speaker 2>has to take the lead on this conversation. I hate,

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<v Speaker 2>I hate for the to get the easy way out

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<v Speaker 2>in this one, but I do think it's one where

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<v Speaker 2>a woman might have to lead that conversation.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, I was in a situation recently which I alluded

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<v Speaker 1>to on the previous one, where it was like he

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<v Speaker 1>was at Z and I was at C. And the

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<v Speaker 1>more I felt the pressure and the pushback. The more

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<v Speaker 1>I felt like the guy where I was like going

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<v Speaker 1>the other direction and I and I I just kind

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<v Speaker 1>of finally had to say, like this, this pace isn't

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<v Speaker 1>working for me, Like you're you're not reading the room

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<v Speaker 1>with me right now?

0:11:27.600 --> 0:11:29.640
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well yeah, people need to read the room. And

0:11:29.800 --> 0:11:32.200
<v Speaker 2>I also think, look, there's something fun about it being

0:11:32.360 --> 0:11:35.640
<v Speaker 2>a little bit light, and it was too heavy, wayful

0:11:35.800 --> 0:11:38.960
<v Speaker 2>and not heavy in pressure. We have our whole life

0:11:38.960 --> 0:11:42.000
<v Speaker 2>to have heavy relationships. And if you get in, you know,

0:11:42.080 --> 0:11:44.959
<v Speaker 2>you get past the first few months and then you're

0:11:45.040 --> 0:11:47.000
<v Speaker 2>dating a year or two, you can you get to

0:11:47.040 --> 0:11:48.960
<v Speaker 2>have your whole life to be in a serious relationship.

0:11:49.000 --> 0:11:51.440
<v Speaker 2>So let it be a little bit light and fun

0:11:51.480 --> 0:11:55.880
<v Speaker 2>in the beginning. And I mean, there's something nice about that.

0:11:55.960 --> 0:11:58.240
<v Speaker 2>It doesn't last very long. Try to enjoy it would

0:11:58.280 --> 0:12:00.640
<v Speaker 2>be my would be my advice, right, And that's on

0:12:00.679 --> 0:12:03.280
<v Speaker 2>both sides. The man that was really trying to like

0:12:03.520 --> 0:12:06.480
<v Speaker 2>come on heavy to you, why can't he be like

0:12:06.559 --> 0:12:09.480
<v Speaker 2>a little playful in light and enjoy the fact that

0:12:09.559 --> 0:12:11.720
<v Speaker 2>you don't know what's going to happen for a little while,

0:12:12.200 --> 0:12:15.520
<v Speaker 2>and enjoy that adventure and the mystery of it. It

0:12:15.600 --> 0:12:19.240
<v Speaker 2>is a rare, beautiful thing. Don't don't let it last

0:12:19.280 --> 0:12:22.000
<v Speaker 2>one day, like like, enjoy it for a little while.

0:12:22.280 --> 0:12:24.240
<v Speaker 1>It had been like a few months. But whatever, I'm

0:12:24.240 --> 0:12:24.679
<v Speaker 1>just saying it.

0:12:24.840 --> 0:12:26.280
<v Speaker 2>But my point is you got to read the room

0:12:26.360 --> 0:12:29.080
<v Speaker 2>and enjoy, enjoy the path that you're on.

0:12:29.400 --> 0:12:32.520
<v Speaker 1>It was too young of a relationship for it to

0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:45.720
<v Speaker 1>be that way, all right, Moving on, Yes, moving moving

0:12:45.720 --> 0:12:51.280
<v Speaker 1>on to Janet. Is it an automatic turn off when

0:12:51.320 --> 0:12:55.000
<v Speaker 1>you meet your girlfriend's friends and they already know everything

0:12:55.000 --> 0:12:56.319
<v Speaker 1>about you and your relationship?

0:12:56.679 --> 0:12:58.480
<v Speaker 2>Not at all? I mean, if you're somebody who is

0:12:58.520 --> 0:13:01.640
<v Speaker 2>a so first of all, the answer is no, it's

0:13:01.640 --> 0:13:03.280
<v Speaker 2>not a turn off. The fact that the woman you're

0:13:03.360 --> 0:13:06.360
<v Speaker 2>dating is interested enough to share things about you with

0:13:06.400 --> 0:13:09.199
<v Speaker 2>her friends is a compliment to you. And if you

0:13:09.240 --> 0:13:12.360
<v Speaker 2>don't like being complimented, then that's a whole different issue

0:13:12.360 --> 0:13:15.920
<v Speaker 2>as a man. But if you're somebody who is I

0:13:16.040 --> 0:13:17.720
<v Speaker 2>never want to have a girlfriend. I want to be

0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:22.200
<v Speaker 2>single my whole life, and you're a commitment fobe, then okay,

0:13:22.360 --> 0:13:25.640
<v Speaker 2>somebody talking about you might raise the hair on the

0:13:25.640 --> 0:13:28.839
<v Speaker 2>back of your neck because you are specifically not trying

0:13:28.840 --> 0:13:31.199
<v Speaker 2>to have a girlfriend and you're just trying to move

0:13:31.200 --> 0:13:34.080
<v Speaker 2>from person to person forever, for all time. But for

0:13:34.120 --> 0:13:36.079
<v Speaker 2>I would say for ninety nine percent of men who

0:13:36.120 --> 0:13:39.040
<v Speaker 2>I would say are normal and mature men. The fact

0:13:39.080 --> 0:13:42.000
<v Speaker 2>that the person you're interested in is sharing information about

0:13:42.040 --> 0:13:45.280
<v Speaker 2>you is a huge compliment to you. So just take

0:13:45.320 --> 0:13:47.240
<v Speaker 2>it as a compliment, mile and move on.

0:13:47.440 --> 0:13:48.520
<v Speaker 1>Why are you so healthy?

0:13:49.400 --> 0:13:51.920
<v Speaker 2>Lots of mistakes along the way and a few you know,

0:13:52.040 --> 0:13:56.000
<v Speaker 2>and some success more recently. But yeah, it took it

0:13:56.040 --> 0:13:58.640
<v Speaker 2>took a while for me to get there, so hard

0:13:58.679 --> 0:14:01.640
<v Speaker 2>earned wisdom, the school of hard knocks right.

0:14:01.720 --> 0:14:05.000
<v Speaker 1>My favorite line from last podcast is an ego you

0:14:05.920 --> 0:14:10.480
<v Speaker 1>learned quickly shore marriage and then you learned again in

0:14:10.559 --> 0:14:13.360
<v Speaker 1>a long marriage or something. I get it wrong quickly,

0:14:13.440 --> 0:14:19.200
<v Speaker 1>and yes it was like super genius. Okay, Sherry, what

0:14:19.360 --> 0:14:22.680
<v Speaker 1>is a date that just does not sound fun to

0:14:22.760 --> 0:14:25.160
<v Speaker 1>you but us girls really love?

0:14:26.040 --> 0:14:28.760
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Nothing, nothing comes to mind. I mentioned it last time.

0:14:30.280 --> 0:14:32.640
<v Speaker 2>I would say the biggest thing I would I would

0:14:32.720 --> 0:14:36.400
<v Speaker 2>not be interested is that that first that first date

0:14:36.480 --> 0:14:39.520
<v Speaker 2>that is a coffee or a lunch. That is a

0:14:40.360 --> 0:14:42.600
<v Speaker 2>turn off to me. If you're not meeting for drinks

0:14:42.640 --> 0:14:46.800
<v Speaker 2>or dinner, it feels like someone is so uninterested that

0:14:47.560 --> 0:14:49.640
<v Speaker 2>they're not even giving you the happy hour, dinner time,

0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:52.440
<v Speaker 2>so that that is the first date. That sounds worse

0:14:52.480 --> 0:14:55.240
<v Speaker 2>to me is something that's not at least at five

0:14:55.360 --> 0:14:57.000
<v Speaker 2>pm or later. That's just my view.

0:14:57.120 --> 0:14:59.400
<v Speaker 1>I'm I'm totally with you because where everybody's a little

0:14:59.600 --> 0:15:02.600
<v Speaker 1>everyone a little like looser and you know, liquid courage

0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:03.360
<v Speaker 1>or whatever.

0:15:03.480 --> 0:15:05.520
<v Speaker 2>Right, I think the second date is a perfect time

0:15:05.600 --> 0:15:07.840
<v Speaker 2>to go on the hike or the bike ride or

0:15:07.840 --> 0:15:11.080
<v Speaker 2>the whatever. But don't lead with that. It's a bad lead.

0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:13.800
<v Speaker 2>It makes it sound like you are you have other

0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:15.840
<v Speaker 2>plans that evening. It's just it's just not great.

0:15:16.520 --> 0:15:20.760
<v Speaker 1>What about like dancing or if you know, somebody wants

0:15:20.800 --> 0:15:23.200
<v Speaker 1>to go like bullying. I mean I wouldn't want to

0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:25.880
<v Speaker 1>go bowling or to a theme park, but what are

0:15:25.920 --> 0:15:27.360
<v Speaker 1>those any of those things interesting?

0:15:27.680 --> 0:15:29.680
<v Speaker 2>That's why Yeah, a theme park on a first date,

0:15:29.840 --> 0:15:33.280
<v Speaker 2>is it? I would say, is a no? No bowling.

0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:36.520
<v Speaker 2>I actually don't have a problem with you get to

0:15:36.600 --> 0:15:40.280
<v Speaker 2>kind of you know, you get to have your your

0:15:40.480 --> 0:15:42.280
<v Speaker 2>you know, your beer, your glass of wine, you get

0:15:42.280 --> 0:15:44.600
<v Speaker 2>to have a little activity, you get to chat and interact.

0:15:44.640 --> 0:15:46.320
<v Speaker 2>So I don't I don't have a problem with bowling

0:15:46.320 --> 0:15:51.120
<v Speaker 2>as a first date, but definitely the theme park it's

0:15:51.160 --> 0:15:53.280
<v Speaker 2>too I mean, it's too long, too big of a commitment,

0:15:53.720 --> 0:15:56.480
<v Speaker 2>and so I would I would save that for like

0:15:56.480 --> 0:15:59.720
<v Speaker 2>a third or fourth date, but those are the only

0:15:59.760 --> 0:16:02.560
<v Speaker 2>ones that really would really get.

0:16:02.640 --> 0:16:05.160
<v Speaker 1>And do you like? Okay, So supposing you're going out

0:16:05.160 --> 0:16:07.320
<v Speaker 1>on a first date, or let's call it maybe the

0:16:07.360 --> 0:16:09.440
<v Speaker 1>second date. So we've done the drink and you know,

0:16:09.480 --> 0:16:11.480
<v Speaker 1>we had fun and we're going to go. Do you

0:16:11.600 --> 0:16:14.920
<v Speaker 1>I know that you subscribe as chivalry like I do,

0:16:15.000 --> 0:16:18.360
<v Speaker 1>which is probably our age. Right. Are you the kind

0:16:18.360 --> 0:16:23.040
<v Speaker 1>of guy who plans the date or do you kind

0:16:23.040 --> 0:16:26.040
<v Speaker 1>of leave it up for random, Like we get lucky

0:16:26.040 --> 0:16:28.560
<v Speaker 1>and we roll into a restaurant and we're good. Like,

0:16:28.960 --> 0:16:31.160
<v Speaker 1>how do you do it when you're prepping for a date?

0:16:31.160 --> 0:16:32.040
<v Speaker 1>What's your playbook?

0:16:32.360 --> 0:16:35.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? I think this is a chance for you know,

0:16:35.160 --> 0:16:37.480
<v Speaker 2>a man, to be a man and to step up

0:16:37.560 --> 0:16:40.840
<v Speaker 2>and look plan the first couple of dates. The woman

0:16:40.840 --> 0:16:42.880
<v Speaker 2>can plan the third date or something, but it's your

0:16:43.000 --> 0:16:47.680
<v Speaker 2>chance to, you know, make her feel a little bit

0:16:47.720 --> 0:16:50.080
<v Speaker 2>special and taken care of, and your chance to show

0:16:50.080 --> 0:16:52.880
<v Speaker 2>that you can you can pull off one of the

0:16:52.880 --> 0:16:55.040
<v Speaker 2>easiest things in the world, which is finding a happy

0:16:55.080 --> 0:16:57.200
<v Speaker 2>hour dinner place Like that's not a This is not

0:16:57.280 --> 0:16:59.200
<v Speaker 2>a high bar. You can pull this off if you're

0:16:59.240 --> 0:17:02.720
<v Speaker 2>if you're a guy. And again, even if the woman

0:17:02.920 --> 0:17:06.600
<v Speaker 2>you think is more financially secure than your you are,

0:17:07.000 --> 0:17:09.760
<v Speaker 2>I still think in all circumstances, the first couple of

0:17:09.840 --> 0:17:11.000
<v Speaker 2>dates are on you the first.

0:17:10.760 --> 0:17:12.880
<v Speaker 1>Tap, and just do within your needs, right, and if

0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:15.320
<v Speaker 1>she's not okay with that, then you know you got

0:17:15.359 --> 0:17:16.560
<v Speaker 1>to kick her to the curb, right.

0:17:17.000 --> 0:17:18.920
<v Speaker 2>And if you want to look, if you're if you're, yeah,

0:17:18.960 --> 0:17:21.800
<v Speaker 2>if you go somewhere that's affordable for dinner or drinks,

0:17:21.800 --> 0:17:23.560
<v Speaker 2>that's great on the first date or the second date,

0:17:23.920 --> 0:17:25.320
<v Speaker 2>or if you take her for a drink on the

0:17:25.359 --> 0:17:27.040
<v Speaker 2>first date and then you make dinner the second date.

0:17:27.520 --> 0:17:29.480
<v Speaker 2>You can figure out away within your budget to be

0:17:29.640 --> 0:17:31.760
<v Speaker 2>the man who's leading the way the first couple of dates.

0:17:32.080 --> 0:17:35.040
<v Speaker 1>And it's pretty obvious if somebody's looking looking for a bank, right,

0:17:35.080 --> 0:17:36.640
<v Speaker 1>I mean it's right out of the gate. You pick

0:17:36.720 --> 0:17:38.160
<v Speaker 1>up all that exactly.

0:17:38.240 --> 0:17:43.320
<v Speaker 2>I yeah, just do you and take the lead on

0:17:43.359 --> 0:17:46.040
<v Speaker 2>the first couple of dates. That's any guy who can't

0:17:46.080 --> 0:17:47.720
<v Speaker 2>pull that off has I think you're right.

0:17:47.840 --> 0:17:50.120
<v Speaker 1>I think there's nothing more attractive than a trigger puller

0:17:50.400 --> 0:17:53.440
<v Speaker 1>personally and I think that you know, a person wants

0:17:53.480 --> 0:17:57.280
<v Speaker 1>to know that they can be taken care of, you know,

0:17:57.400 --> 0:17:58.760
<v Speaker 1>not in it, I mean just in a way of

0:17:58.840 --> 0:17:59.560
<v Speaker 1>like we're going to do this.

0:17:59.640 --> 0:17:59.920
<v Speaker 2>I got this.

0:18:00.160 --> 0:18:02.800
<v Speaker 1>Like I remember I was dating a guy and literally

0:18:02.800 --> 0:18:05.440
<v Speaker 1>he couldn't handle anything. Everything was like I had asked

0:18:05.520 --> 0:18:08.000
<v Speaker 1>him a question or about a flight or whatever. And

0:18:08.240 --> 0:18:11.440
<v Speaker 1>we were on a trip and I literally was having

0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:13.240
<v Speaker 1>my ex husband do something for me because I was

0:18:13.440 --> 0:18:14.639
<v Speaker 1>I was in Europe when I had to get some

0:18:14.680 --> 0:18:17.119
<v Speaker 1>accomplished and the guy goes, what are you doing? And

0:18:17.160 --> 0:18:19.000
<v Speaker 1>I was like, well, you can't get it done, like

0:18:20.119 --> 0:18:22.119
<v Speaker 1>I'm you know what I'm saying, And so it was

0:18:22.200 --> 0:18:24.239
<v Speaker 1>such a turn off to me. He felt like a

0:18:24.280 --> 0:18:24.880
<v Speaker 1>third kid.

0:18:25.080 --> 0:18:27.240
<v Speaker 2>It's a huge Yeah, it's a huge turnoff. And I

0:18:27.280 --> 0:18:30.080
<v Speaker 2>think for people that just can't handle planning a day,

0:18:30.160 --> 0:18:33.520
<v Speaker 2>like you said, the woman doesn't feel taken care of,

0:18:33.640 --> 0:18:39.000
<v Speaker 2>she doesn't get the energy that kind of energy the

0:18:39.040 --> 0:18:41.480
<v Speaker 2>man being in that role and the woman feeling taken

0:18:41.520 --> 0:18:46.399
<v Speaker 2>care of. That's that is part of the spark in

0:18:47.400 --> 0:18:51.119
<v Speaker 2>straight relationships. And if if if a guy starts acting

0:18:51.119 --> 0:18:54.520
<v Speaker 2>like a third kid, like you said, it's very unattractive.

0:18:55.600 --> 0:18:58.280
<v Speaker 2>This isn't this is a layup, like making a dinner reservation,

0:18:58.520 --> 0:19:01.520
<v Speaker 2>or this is we're figuring out a trail to go

0:19:01.600 --> 0:19:03.960
<v Speaker 2>hiking on. These are easy things and if a guy

0:19:04.000 --> 0:19:06.480
<v Speaker 2>can't pull it off, you have a right to, like

0:19:06.640 --> 0:19:08.639
<v Speaker 2>you have a right to be unattracted to that person.

0:19:08.760 --> 0:19:12.919
<v Speaker 2>Like you, there's no harm in saying, God, I just

0:19:12.920 --> 0:19:16.760
<v Speaker 2>didn't feel attracted for that. Well, yeah, it's it's on him, Like,

0:19:17.680 --> 0:19:21.000
<v Speaker 2>you shouldn't feel bad that you were like, oh, I

0:19:21.040 --> 0:19:23.760
<v Speaker 2>feel weird judging him as my third kid. You should

0:19:23.800 --> 0:19:26.640
<v Speaker 2>not feel bad. He's screwed up, So it's on him.

0:19:26.920 --> 0:19:28.720
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, no, no, for Yeah, I.

0:19:28.760 --> 0:19:30.560
<v Speaker 2>Mean there's no there's no two ways about it.

0:19:30.760 --> 0:19:32.760
<v Speaker 1>I mean, if I'm turning my ex husband to handle

0:19:32.760 --> 0:19:33.679
<v Speaker 1>something we know it was.

0:19:33.680 --> 0:19:35.800
<v Speaker 2>Pretty bad, then you know you screwed up.

0:19:35.960 --> 0:19:48.720
<v Speaker 1>Can you imagine? I was like, yeah, we got this right. Okay,

0:19:48.800 --> 0:19:51.560
<v Speaker 1>So moving on, And we touched on this before and

0:19:51.600 --> 0:19:54.440
<v Speaker 1>I actually really appreciated your answer, but somebody did call

0:19:54.480 --> 0:19:57.399
<v Speaker 1>in to ask this question. So I want to address Rhonda.

0:19:59.000 --> 0:20:02.760
<v Speaker 1>You know, kind of like this stigma of you know,

0:20:02.880 --> 0:20:06.520
<v Speaker 1>some women feel that when they've never been married or

0:20:06.560 --> 0:20:09.760
<v Speaker 1>never had kids, that that is going to be a

0:20:09.800 --> 0:20:15.560
<v Speaker 1>red flag to a potential guy that they're dating. You

0:20:16.080 --> 0:20:20.240
<v Speaker 1>didn't seem that didn't bother you, which I so appreciate it. Similarly,

0:20:20.240 --> 0:20:23.320
<v Speaker 1>when somebody was sober and you know, obviously you enjoy

0:20:23.320 --> 0:20:26.800
<v Speaker 1>a cocktail that didn't bother you either. So but some

0:20:26.960 --> 0:20:28.200
<v Speaker 1>women do feel that way.

0:20:29.680 --> 0:20:35.520
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I don't. I don't. Yeah, I've dated women that

0:20:35.960 --> 0:20:38.199
<v Speaker 2>don't have children. I've dated women that do, and I

0:20:38.280 --> 0:20:42.400
<v Speaker 2>don't think it's relevant to whether or not you connect

0:20:42.800 --> 0:20:45.520
<v Speaker 2>deeply with that person you enjoy their company. I don't

0:20:45.520 --> 0:20:48.919
<v Speaker 2>find it relevant. I think it's like number fifty on

0:20:48.960 --> 0:20:51.000
<v Speaker 2>the list, like you're not even it's not even top

0:20:51.000 --> 0:20:53.680
<v Speaker 2>one hundred. For me personally, I think there's so many

0:20:53.680 --> 0:20:57.359
<v Speaker 2>things about a person that are important. I just look,

0:20:57.640 --> 0:20:59.159
<v Speaker 2>it might be nice to have them in common if

0:20:59.200 --> 0:21:01.720
<v Speaker 2>you do have kids, or if you don't, it might

0:21:01.720 --> 0:21:04.480
<v Speaker 2>be nice to have that extra freedom to travel and

0:21:04.520 --> 0:21:07.359
<v Speaker 2>all that. But assuming you're in the same town and

0:21:07.440 --> 0:21:09.840
<v Speaker 2>you're not on other sides of the country, I would

0:21:09.840 --> 0:21:13.480
<v Speaker 2>say that the I would say to women, don't worry

0:21:13.480 --> 0:21:16.560
<v Speaker 2>about whether you have the same children and no children's

0:21:16.560 --> 0:21:19.760
<v Speaker 2>status as the person who's asking you out they're interested

0:21:19.800 --> 0:21:21.520
<v Speaker 2>in you. It's not a problem.

0:21:22.080 --> 0:21:24.640
<v Speaker 1>So one thing I'm super curious about, just to ask

0:21:24.680 --> 0:21:28.960
<v Speaker 1>a question, is, you know, I'd love to understand why

0:21:29.280 --> 0:21:31.960
<v Speaker 1>there's a lot of men who subscribe to that cliche

0:21:32.240 --> 0:21:34.200
<v Speaker 1>of like, you know, they're the wealthy, older guy and

0:21:34.240 --> 0:21:36.000
<v Speaker 1>they want the young piece of ass with like the

0:21:36.040 --> 0:21:38.520
<v Speaker 1>six pack, when they have virtually I don't think, anything

0:21:38.520 --> 0:21:40.240
<v Speaker 1>to talk about, but they look good on the arms,

0:21:40.280 --> 0:21:43.040
<v Speaker 1>so it's I guess it's some sort of i'm an agreement, right.

0:21:43.920 --> 0:21:47.080
<v Speaker 1>And then there's men like you or you know, other

0:21:47.119 --> 0:21:49.600
<v Speaker 1>men I know that they want to be involved with

0:21:49.640 --> 0:21:52.320
<v Speaker 1>somebody who has you know, shared life experience and there's

0:21:52.359 --> 0:21:56.000
<v Speaker 1>like that kind of like you know, synchronicity or that

0:21:56.080 --> 0:21:59.119
<v Speaker 1>you know, kind of connection point. But why do you

0:21:59.160 --> 0:22:02.840
<v Speaker 1>think some men want that? Like is it something to

0:22:02.840 --> 0:22:04.879
<v Speaker 1>do with how they feel about themselves on the inside.

0:22:06.600 --> 0:22:08.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean I've I've been wondering this because I've

0:22:08.960 --> 0:22:11.240
<v Speaker 2>seen some of my friends as they've gotten older that

0:22:11.320 --> 0:22:13.120
<v Speaker 2>women they did have gotten older, and then other friends

0:22:13.200 --> 0:22:16.399
<v Speaker 2>it's kind of stayed stayed young, and I and and

0:22:16.400 --> 0:22:21.960
<v Speaker 2>and what's interesting for me is I find it really

0:22:22.000 --> 0:22:23.960
<v Speaker 2>odd when you're looking for somebody that you connect with

0:22:24.640 --> 0:22:27.159
<v Speaker 2>that is somebody that you have those deep connections with

0:22:27.200 --> 0:22:29.520
<v Speaker 2>them that you really feel close to. That you think

0:22:29.560 --> 0:22:31.879
<v Speaker 2>somebody who's twenty twenty five years younger is going to

0:22:31.880 --> 0:22:36.000
<v Speaker 2>be your person. I think that's very strange. I again,

0:22:36.240 --> 0:22:38.800
<v Speaker 2>oftentimes I will tell you sometimes those are the people

0:22:38.800 --> 0:22:42.240
<v Speaker 2>I know who have, you know, the fancy car, and

0:22:42.280 --> 0:22:44.680
<v Speaker 2>they are worried about their car and their image, and

0:22:44.680 --> 0:22:47.720
<v Speaker 2>they're worried about their house, and so what they are

0:22:47.840 --> 0:22:51.000
<v Speaker 2>what they're saying is it's way more important to me

0:22:51.119 --> 0:22:52.160
<v Speaker 2>what people think of.

0:22:52.080 --> 0:22:55.320
<v Speaker 1>Me than how I feel.

0:22:55.680 --> 0:22:58.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Right, It's the most important thing is my image,

0:22:58.640 --> 0:23:02.960
<v Speaker 2>my brand, how people think of me and my depth

0:23:03.200 --> 0:23:06.240
<v Speaker 2>my depth of connection with somebody is secondary or tersery

0:23:06.280 --> 0:23:10.000
<v Speaker 2>to my image out in the world. And look, there

0:23:10.000 --> 0:23:11.480
<v Speaker 2>are people like that for sure.

0:23:11.800 --> 0:23:14.840
<v Speaker 1>Is it also potentially a situation where a man like

0:23:14.880 --> 0:23:17.080
<v Speaker 1>that who's used to being in charge and calling the

0:23:17.080 --> 0:23:19.639
<v Speaker 1>shots just doesn't want to be challenged and just figure

0:23:19.920 --> 0:23:21.800
<v Speaker 1>that they'll be happy to be at the party, Throw

0:23:21.840 --> 0:23:23.560
<v Speaker 1>them a designer back, take them to a couple of

0:23:23.640 --> 0:23:25.120
<v Speaker 1>nice restaurants and they'll look good.

0:23:25.160 --> 0:23:27.719
<v Speaker 2>And yeah, I mean that is the other part of it.

0:23:28.119 --> 0:23:29.879
<v Speaker 2>It's actually bring up early good element because I have

0:23:30.320 --> 0:23:34.040
<v Speaker 2>I have a few friends that are in this in that,

0:23:34.119 --> 0:23:39.639
<v Speaker 2>and they I would say they are Their personality is

0:23:39.680 --> 0:23:42.000
<v Speaker 2>not wanting to be challenged, not wanting to have that

0:23:42.560 --> 0:23:44.280
<v Speaker 2>back and forth. They kind of just want to call

0:23:44.320 --> 0:23:48.199
<v Speaker 2>all the shots. They really like just running the table,

0:23:48.800 --> 0:23:51.280
<v Speaker 2>making all the decisions, and they really don't want a

0:23:51.359 --> 0:23:53.719
<v Speaker 2>partner as much as someone who's going to go along

0:23:53.960 --> 0:23:56.760
<v Speaker 2>with their game plan. And look that that is some

0:23:56.840 --> 0:23:59.320
<v Speaker 2>people's deal and they like it, and there are people

0:23:59.359 --> 0:24:01.920
<v Speaker 2>that want to just go along with someone else's game plan.

0:24:01.960 --> 0:24:04.040
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to have to make decisions or have

0:24:04.160 --> 0:24:07.160
<v Speaker 2>to be have an equal seat at the table. I

0:24:07.240 --> 0:24:10.520
<v Speaker 2>that's just a that's a for me, that's a I

0:24:10.520 --> 0:24:13.280
<v Speaker 2>don't know. That seems like that's the That seems like

0:24:13.320 --> 0:24:15.600
<v Speaker 2>that's the ten percent, it's not the ninety percent. It

0:24:15.600 --> 0:24:17.639
<v Speaker 2>feels like it is out there. I'm not going to

0:24:17.640 --> 0:24:19.119
<v Speaker 2>say it's not out there, but I don't feel like

0:24:19.119 --> 0:24:21.520
<v Speaker 2>it's the norm. But it is a thing, and I'm

0:24:21.560 --> 0:24:22.359
<v Speaker 2>not going to say it's not.

0:24:22.880 --> 0:24:25.359
<v Speaker 1>Well, there's definitely an ass for every saddle, and so

0:24:25.760 --> 0:24:28.119
<v Speaker 1>one of the things I'm super curious about is so

0:24:28.320 --> 0:24:31.919
<v Speaker 1>I am you know, I am one who believes in

0:24:32.520 --> 0:24:35.080
<v Speaker 1>I mean, call it hokey, but I believe in the universe, right,

0:24:35.080 --> 0:24:39.639
<v Speaker 1>and I believe genuinely that people come into our paths

0:24:40.080 --> 0:24:42.760
<v Speaker 1>for a reason, right. I don't think it's random. It's

0:24:42.760 --> 0:24:45.520
<v Speaker 1>a lesson or a blessing. You might not know it

0:24:45.640 --> 0:24:47.840
<v Speaker 1>until you're looking in the rear view mirror, but I

0:24:47.880 --> 0:24:52.880
<v Speaker 1>do believe there is a reason. I wonder if men

0:24:53.800 --> 0:24:56.280
<v Speaker 1>subscribe to that or they just think it's some you know,

0:24:56.359 --> 0:24:59.639
<v Speaker 1>kind of fairy tale, you know, bullshit, Like what do

0:24:59.680 --> 0:25:01.240
<v Speaker 1>you feel about that kind of like.

0:25:01.840 --> 0:25:04.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I don't know if the universe is organizing itself

0:25:04.600 --> 0:25:07.600
<v Speaker 2>to deliver somebody in front of you at the perfect time.

0:25:08.280 --> 0:25:11.119
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if I believe in that theory, although

0:25:11.119 --> 0:25:15.600
<v Speaker 2>i'd like to. I think what I think is that

0:25:15.720 --> 0:25:18.520
<v Speaker 2>when you're ready, when you've like worked through a particular

0:25:18.640 --> 0:25:21.680
<v Speaker 2>lesson and you've gotten to a different type of maturity

0:25:22.240 --> 0:25:26.000
<v Speaker 2>different people, you start to connect with different people because

0:25:26.040 --> 0:25:28.679
<v Speaker 2>you're in a different place. And so I do believe

0:25:29.280 --> 0:25:34.320
<v Speaker 2>your character, your maturity, you processing lessons that you don't

0:25:34.320 --> 0:25:36.719
<v Speaker 2>want to learn anymore, Like you're like, God, I screwed

0:25:36.720 --> 0:25:39.399
<v Speaker 2>that up. I'm never doing that again. Once you've really

0:25:39.440 --> 0:25:43.680
<v Speaker 2>gotten over some bad behavior, you will be attracted and

0:25:43.800 --> 0:25:46.000
<v Speaker 2>other people will be attracting you. They're completely different. And

0:25:46.040 --> 0:25:49.360
<v Speaker 2>so when you're in those different stages, I mean the universe, Yeah,

0:25:49.359 --> 0:25:51.320
<v Speaker 2>it does put different people in front of you.

0:25:51.640 --> 0:25:54.520
<v Speaker 1>So that's nature versus nurture in a lot of ways.

0:25:54.920 --> 0:25:57.879
<v Speaker 2>Well, you connect, you're open to connecting with a different

0:25:57.920 --> 0:26:00.040
<v Speaker 2>type of person, and they're connecting with you differently. So

0:26:00.040 --> 0:26:03.719
<v Speaker 2>so when you change, everything that is in front of

0:26:03.720 --> 0:26:06.639
<v Speaker 2>you and all of your options changed because you changed.

0:26:06.640 --> 0:26:10.919
<v Speaker 2>And so lens, yeah, your lens changed, your perspective changes,

0:26:11.280 --> 0:26:14.560
<v Speaker 2>and everything that attracts to you and that you're attracted

0:26:14.640 --> 0:26:16.840
<v Speaker 2>to changes. So that is one hundred percent I believe

0:26:16.840 --> 0:26:17.000
<v Speaker 2>in that.

0:26:17.480 --> 0:26:19.720
<v Speaker 1>JD. I have to put a pin in this conversation

0:26:19.840 --> 0:26:22.880
<v Speaker 1>because there is so much here that I think we're

0:26:22.920 --> 0:26:26.480
<v Speaker 1>going to be lucky enough to parlay this into two episodes.

0:26:26.760 --> 0:26:30.080
<v Speaker 1>So I know our listeners are going to stay tuned

0:26:30.520 --> 0:26:38.280
<v Speaker 1>for Part two.