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Speaker 1: All right, break it down.

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Speaker 2: If you ever have feelings that you just falls home,

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Speaker 2: Amy and Cat got your come and locking m probably

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Speaker 2: ladies and polos, do you just follow on the spirit

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Speaker 2: where it's all us front over real stuff, tell the

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Speaker 2: chill stuff and the m but swaying. Sometimes the best

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Speaker 2: thing you can do it just stop you feel things.

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Speaker 2: This is feeling things with.

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Speaker 1: Amy and Cat Happy Tuesday, feeling things. I'm Amy and

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Speaker 1: I'm Cat, and I guess we should say how to YouTube. Hey,

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Speaker 1: hey YouTube, we are on YouTube now, so we feel

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Speaker 1: very exciting everybody.

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Speaker 3: Watching us on YouTube?

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Speaker 1: Hi Mom, Hi Dad, I.

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Speaker 3: Just drink He's actually probably not what she's hitting.

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Speaker 1: My parents have both past but I'm sure your parents

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Speaker 1: are watching.

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Speaker 3: I don't think my dad's ever been on youtub before.

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Speaker 1: Well, dang it, you need to get him an account

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Speaker 1: so that he can subscribe.

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Speaker 3: Okay, well this is.

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Speaker 4: The day to subscribe though, because today we are talking

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Speaker 4: about shame and guilt, Big day, big day feelings that

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Speaker 4: really need to be talked about together because we can

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Speaker 4: confuse them a lot.

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Speaker 1: I definitely do, and I think a lot of us

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Speaker 1: feel one or both things on a regular basis. But

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Speaker 1: before we get into guilt and shame. I want to

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Speaker 1: get to the feeling of the day. We didn't even

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Speaker 1: practice that. I think it's we're just finding our groove,

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Speaker 1: but our feeling of the day is embarrassed. And this

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Speaker 1: feeling came about because I was on the tortilla aisle.

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Speaker 1: Well I wasn't even getting tortillas. That just happened to

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Speaker 1: be on the aisle in which they sell tortillas at

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Speaker 1: the grocery store when suddenly I got this urge to pee.

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Speaker 1: And we've talked about our pelvic issues before, way back

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Speaker 1: in the day on the fifth Thing before we turn

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Speaker 1: into feeling. So if you're just tuning in, you're like, wait,

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Speaker 1: what happened to four things? If they mean around? Well,

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Speaker 1: Kat was my co host on the fifth Thing, and

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Speaker 1: she's a licensed therapist, and I knew I wanted to

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Speaker 1: pivot the podcast somehow, and we were having so much

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Speaker 1: fun together. So here we are with feeling things, and

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Speaker 1: we were talking about pelvic issues a lot on the

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Speaker 1: fifth Thing. I don't know if it's just an age

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Speaker 1: thing because I've never given birth. I knew that there

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Speaker 1: was bladder pelvic issues. If you've been pregnant and you've

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Speaker 1: given birth and then all of a sudden you just

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Speaker 1: start peeing. But I have not been pregnant and I

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Speaker 1: have not given birth, but yet I am still having

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Speaker 1: pelvic bladder issues.

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Speaker 4: And well, part of that is I'm no doctor, but

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Speaker 4: could be also because you hold.

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Speaker 3: Your pe yes for very long periods of time.

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Speaker 1: Working in radio, I have had to hold my pee

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Speaker 1: a lot, and then when I sprint to the bathroom.

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Speaker 1: I also because our work restrooms are public, I don't

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Speaker 1: sit on them and I don't have time to lay

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Speaker 1: out the line, so I squat, and they say squatting?

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Speaker 3: Is that?

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Speaker 1: So now I think I'm answering my own question as

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Speaker 1: to why I'm I'm at the grocery store and suddenly

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Speaker 1: I have this urge to pee, and I have no

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Speaker 1: choice but to either pee right there on the on

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Speaker 1: myself in the aisle, or I squat down and just

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Speaker 1: sit there, squatting, kind of holding it in until it passes.

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Speaker 1: So I'm down there, eye level with all the tortillas,

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Speaker 1: acting like I am sorting through the tortillas. I'm like, hmm, okay,

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Speaker 1: I don't want I don't want this kind oh like

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Speaker 1: I am acting because I'm like people are onto me

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Speaker 1: like they're like, either this girl has to pee or

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Speaker 1: she really is looking for a specific tortilla, and I

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Speaker 1: was hoping for the latter. I needed them to think

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Speaker 1: that I was on the hunt for the perfect tortilla.

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Speaker 3: Did you get tortillas?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 1: Eventually I just like I was like, Okay, I think

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Speaker 1: the sensation has passed, so I can and then go

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Speaker 1: stand up.

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Speaker 3: Of course not.

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Speaker 1: I waited till I got home because the sensation passed

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Speaker 1: and I just wanted to get the heck out of

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Speaker 1: there and get what I needed and then go. I

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Speaker 1: didn't even know where the restroom was in this grocery store. Like,

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Speaker 1: just the sensation passed, so I knew I was in

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Speaker 1: the clear. Luckily, it didn't come back until I got home.

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Speaker 1: Until I got home, and then I had to run

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Speaker 1: to the bathroom.

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Speaker 4: But this also, I don't know if you told the

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Speaker 4: story on the fifth thing or if you just told

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Speaker 4: it to me. But wasn't there a time you're in

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Speaker 4: an elevator and you just like squatted down and acted

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Speaker 4: like you were looking.

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Speaker 1: Yes in my bag Because the elevator started going up

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Speaker 1: and the peace started coming out, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, oh my gosh, my gosh, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: pee my pants. So I squat down in the in

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Speaker 1: the elevator. Other people were in there, and I'm like digging,

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Speaker 1: you know, but I'm doing the thing where I'm digging

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Speaker 1: my heel into my top, you know, just to create

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Speaker 1: like you're not coming out.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, a stopper.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I created a It works. So that's my tortilla

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Speaker 1: spots to And I was.

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Speaker 3: You were internally embarrassed because nobody could tell you were no. No.

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Speaker 1: But I really feel like sometimes if there's grocery store footage,

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Speaker 1: like video cameras where they're watching people on the aisles,

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Speaker 1: like when they were watching, they knew because they saw

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Speaker 1: me like and then squat and then and then as

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Speaker 1: people would come. Only when people would walk by, would

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Speaker 1: I really start inspecting the tortillas. But if like they passed,

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Speaker 1: it'd be like, okay.

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Speaker 4: Okay, we're going to get you into some pelvic floor

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Speaker 4: I know, just even get some like tips of some

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Speaker 4: exercises you can do on your.

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Speaker 1: Own, right, which we talked about my friend Tiffany. It's

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Speaker 1: literally what she does. She's a pelvic floor specialist. And

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Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever had a full appreciation for

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Speaker 1: God's work that she's doing because I think now I

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Speaker 1: need it. Yeah, okay, I need it in a big way.

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Speaker 1: So that is my embarrassing story. And that's why I'm

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Speaker 1: being embarrassed as this feeling of the day. And so

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Speaker 1: I don't I don't know what do we do with embarrassed,

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Speaker 1: Like how do we lean into it? Is there a gift?

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Speaker 3: Laughter? Thank you? We laughter there?

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Speaker 4: Embarrassment usually comes in from the shame category because when

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Speaker 4: we get embarrassed, it's like, oh my gosh, like we

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Speaker 4: have like these negative stories in our head. But through time,

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Speaker 4: I think we can look back on the stories that

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Speaker 4: were really embarrassing and now I can appreciate them and

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Speaker 4: laugh about them, and like.

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Speaker 1: We shouldn't feel shamed about that because everybody's peed their pants.

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Speaker 3: At some point in their life, right, which.

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Speaker 1: I didn't pe to clarify, but.

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Speaker 4: But I think there's like there's an internal dialogue. I'm

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Speaker 4: thinking of a story that happened last week that there's

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Speaker 4: this internal dialogue that automatically pops up that says, this

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Speaker 4: is embarrassing.

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Speaker 3: You're so you're what a loser? Or whatever your voice

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Speaker 3: says and.

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Speaker 4: Then I have to come back with another voice that's like,

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Speaker 4: actually nobody cares, so then that story just gets to

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Speaker 4: be funny. I was working out last week and the

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Speaker 4: class I think it was on Saturday, Yeah, Saturday. The

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Speaker 4: class was kind of.

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Speaker 3: Small, usually not very small. This girl walks in and

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Speaker 3: I'm like, oh my gosh, I know her.

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Speaker 4: And the last time I saw her, I was walking

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Speaker 4: in the Target parking lot and she called out. My

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Speaker 4: name was like Cat, So of course I was like,

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Speaker 4: she's gonna say hi to me. Well she doesn't, and

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Speaker 4: we were in different stations, so I was like, maybe

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Speaker 4: she doesn't want to like interrupt me or whatever. So

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Speaker 4: the whole class, I'm like, this is weird. She feels

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Speaker 4: like she's avoiding eye contact with me every time I tried.

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Speaker 4: You know when you're trying to get somebody's attention and

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Speaker 4: you keep looking at them thinking you guys are gonna

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Speaker 4: like and then you never do.

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Speaker 3: But then it feels like she kept like avoiding it.

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Speaker 1: So then you're like, what did I do to her?

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Speaker 4: Or yeah, or then I'm like what if it's not her.

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Speaker 4: She was wearing a hat, but this girl always wears

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Speaker 4: a hat, so then Finally we were switching stations and

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Speaker 4: she was putting her weight up and I needed that weight,

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Speaker 4: so I was like, this is my chance. So I

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Speaker 4: went up to her and I like walked right in

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Speaker 4: front of her, and I like, I think I put

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Speaker 4: my hand up like hey, and then she made a

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Speaker 4: face at me and she said something like how are

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Speaker 4: you today or something like this girl she didn't know

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Speaker 4: who I was at all, so I.

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Speaker 3: Just didn't want those things. So I was like, hey, oh,

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Speaker 3: I will take those weights, don't mind me, and she

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Speaker 3: was like how are you today? And I was like, oh, great, thanks,

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Speaker 3: I'll take those weights.

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Speaker 4: And then the rest of the class, I'm like, did

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Speaker 4: she think I was trying to say hi to her?

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Speaker 3: Did she think that or did she whatever? Was that awkward?

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Speaker 4: And then as we're lieving, I'm like, this girl's never

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Speaker 4: going to think of you again ever until she sees

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Speaker 4: me in class again. But it was embarrassing in the moment,

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Speaker 4: and I told myself a story of you should be ashamed,

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Speaker 4: and then.

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Speaker 1: I that you were trying to be nice to say

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Speaker 1: hi to someone that you thought they were and then

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Speaker 1: they weren't, Like it's not a big deal.

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Speaker 3: But that also we build it up.

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Speaker 4: Yes, and it comes from one of my Uh I

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Speaker 4: wouldn't say greatest fears, but most common fears, because this

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Speaker 4: wouldn't be the biggest deal in the world. It's people

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Speaker 4: not remembering who I am, so saying hi to somebody

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Speaker 4: and them being like do I know you?

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Speaker 3: Which I've done before.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, do you know that when you're meeting someone like

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Speaker 1: a way you are? How do I say? This's like

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Speaker 1: you're not meeting them. Let's say you've already met them,

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Speaker 1: but you don't know if you have, and there's confusion

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Speaker 1: you can say, and so saying oh, nice to meet you,

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Speaker 1: you say good to see you.

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Speaker 3: Maybe that's what that girl was saying to me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well that's just like like a tip for having

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Speaker 1: your back pocket of like, oh, I don't really know

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Speaker 1: how to handle this, and you'd be like, oh, good

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Speaker 1: to see you, and that way it covers all your

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Speaker 1: basis because then if you say, oh, nice to meet you,

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Speaker 1: then they're like we've met like three times, and then

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Speaker 1: you're like, oh, shoot, that's right. But if you say

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Speaker 1: good to see you, like you're still saying good to

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Speaker 1: see you. If you're not saying good to see you again,

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Speaker 1: you say just good to see you, yeah, because if

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Speaker 1: you say good to see you again and they're like,

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Speaker 1: we've never met, then it's like, oh.

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Speaker 4: So if anybody ever says good to see you to

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Speaker 4: you're a trick.

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Speaker 1: Speaking of embarrassing things, did you see that thing on

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Speaker 1: Instagram where rumor Willis was talking about bathing with her

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Speaker 1: older siblings, which I'm not embarrassed for her at all,

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Speaker 1: Like if that's what they're into or that's what they

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Speaker 1: do and their family are embarrassed, but I think I

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Speaker 1: I just was thinking how I would feel bathing with

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Speaker 1: my older siblings and I would feel embarrassed getting naked.

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Speaker 3: Then there'd be some shame coming up if you yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I just didn't know if you saw that, and it

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Speaker 3: just popped into my head of like, hmmm, is that weird? Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I'm let me see.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna pull up.

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Speaker 4: I don't want to say because I don't know the

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Speaker 4: circumstances of this just blanket statement. It does sound mm intercerning, interesting,

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Speaker 4: it's interesting, yes.

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Speaker 1: Okay, questions so okay, she said, Okay. It says rumor

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Speaker 1: Willis said she still takes bath with her adult sisters.

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Speaker 1: She said, that's just the kind of house I grew

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Speaker 1: up in. People may think that's crazy and weird, but

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Speaker 1: I don't.

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Speaker 4: But how old is she? They're adults, like thirty? Yeah,

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Speaker 4: how big is your bathtob hmm, good question. I imagine they

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Speaker 4: have have very wealthy parents. Maybe it's large. But also why,

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Speaker 4: yeah I could. Yeah, those are the questions.

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Speaker 1: Why is probably we need to know, a question, we

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Speaker 1: need to know.

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Speaker 3: I want more information.

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Speaker 4: But when I also was thinking about too, if you needed.

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Speaker 3: Your sister to bathe you, that's not weird.

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Speaker 1: No, No, like I bathed my parents when they were sick,

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Speaker 1: which felt weird. I I was talking about this with

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Speaker 1: my boyfriend the other day. Actually, how nobody should have

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Speaker 1: to like bathe their dads. Yeah, area, but I did,

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Speaker 1: and we got through it, you know. Yeah, but it's

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Speaker 1: not a high Yeah, but it's also not the lowest

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Speaker 1: of Low's. I mean forretty Low, it's pretty low. Even

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Speaker 1: for him, there was a lot if he had to

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Speaker 1: uh speaking of shame. Yeah, that was hard.

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Speaker 4: So that's not concerning. That's just one of those things

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Speaker 4: that's it's a tough or I know that. When I

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Speaker 4: was in high school, I broke my collarbone. My mom

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Speaker 4: had to.

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Speaker 3: Help me shower.

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Speaker 4: I had a lot of shame, and my mom was like, Catherine,

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Speaker 4: I birthed you, Like, yeah, I was. It's very different.

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Speaker 4: I'm like seventeen.

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Speaker 1: Would you think you could handle her bathing you?

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Speaker 3: Now?

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Speaker 1: I guess you're a husband.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, Patrick would probably be the one to do that. Honestly,

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Speaker 4: you're lucky you have. I think your boyfriend would bathe you.

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Speaker 1: Well, we're not there yet. I don't know. Maybe Okay,

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Speaker 1: I mean I guess he could.

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Speaker 4: But TVD Okay, Well who would you rather have bathe you?

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Speaker 3: Me or your sister?

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Speaker 1: Okay?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, if.

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Speaker 1: I had to pick. But then if my boyfriend I

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Speaker 1: get married, then I'll have that locked in. Although he

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Speaker 1: is way older than me, so let's be honest with

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Speaker 1: probably bathing him before he's bathing me. He's okay.

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Speaker 3: Years old.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry if he's listening right now, which is probably not.

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Speaker 3: But he's watching us on YouTube, that is right.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to make him subscribe. So he's I'm forty four,

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Speaker 1: So we're eight right now. Because of our window, we're

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Speaker 1: eight years apart, and then in a few months will

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Speaker 1: be like nine.

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Speaker 3: It's not that well, that's old.

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Speaker 1: He's fifty two, which I now have rumor Willis's age

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Speaker 1: since we were talking about she's thirty six years old.

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Speaker 1: Oh so they're they're they're adults. Well into there. But hey,

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Speaker 1: if anybody listening, if you bathe with your adult siblings,

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Speaker 1: we want to know, reach out to us, tell us

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Speaker 1: what that's about. Maybe we're maybe we're maybe we're missing out.

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Speaker 1: I'm excited to get into the gifts and impairments of

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Speaker 1: shame and guilt. But we mentioned earlier about mixing them up,

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Speaker 1: and that's something that I do often, and I wanted

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Speaker 1: to share something that my therapist once told me. She

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Speaker 1: said that shame is guilt's dramatic cousin that shows up

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Speaker 1: uninvited and makes everything personal.

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Speaker 3: I love that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, my therapist is good. I mean you're good too,

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Speaker 1: but thanks. But you couldn't be my therapist. But if

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Speaker 1: I could hire you, I would.

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Speaker 3: But is this a therapist that I know?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 3: Okay, I was gonna say, well, she's good anyway, so

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Speaker 3: I learned everything.

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Speaker 1: She's great, but this is a different one. I'm sure

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Speaker 1: that the other one would say this too, but I'll

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Speaker 1: say it again for those in the back, or if

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Speaker 1: you're listening on youtubelow volume. Shame is guilt's dramatic cousin

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Speaker 1: that shows up uninvited and makes everything personal, because shame

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Speaker 1: is where it gets real, real personal and beyond dramatic.

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Speaker 1: It takes the guilt nice level.

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Speaker 4: Well, so how I've always explained it, I'm gonna steal this,

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Speaker 4: So thank you is guilt says I did something bad,

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Speaker 4: where shame would say I am bad. And that's where

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Speaker 4: that like dramatic, like it makes it personal.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that too. I felt I think both

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Speaker 1: shame and guilt. On Friday, what happened. My son had

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Speaker 1: a track meet and I didn't I did not want

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Speaker 1: to go.

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Speaker 3: Track meets are tough. Sometime they're longer, yeah, and you.

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Speaker 1: They're real long. And it had been a long week,

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Speaker 1: and we switch on Fridays. So with our co parenting,

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Speaker 1: we go Friday to Friday, and it's like they leave

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Speaker 1: my house Friday morning for school and then Friday afternoon

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Speaker 1: they go home to his house or vice versa. So

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Speaker 1: got them off to school Friday, well, and then I'm

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Speaker 1: at work doing my thing. Then it was a long

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Speaker 1: day and it just was like I just really did

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Speaker 1: not want to go and he's racing for five minutes

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Speaker 1: because he does the mile and he is fast.

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Speaker 3: So he does the mile, does.

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Speaker 1: The mile in five minutes and stop thirty seconds or something.

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Speaker 3: Are you serious? Yeah? Does he win?

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Speaker 1: No? No, some kids run it in four minutes and

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Speaker 1: forty five seconds. Yes, and they are hauling like I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know how they're doing it. But

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Speaker 1: I knew that I would feel bad if I didn't go.

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Speaker 1: First of all, it was far away, and I knew

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Speaker 1: Ben was taking him it's fine, But I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: part of me is like I don't really have to go,

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Speaker 1: Like this is one of those things where I guess

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Speaker 1: I don't have to. But even having that thought made

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Speaker 1: me feel bad. So then I also was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: if I don't go, like I'm a bad mom, I'm

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Speaker 1: a terrible mom, Like I need to go. So ultimately

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Speaker 1: I decided I was going to feel best if I went.

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Speaker 1: But I had the thoughts. All the thoughts are like

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Speaker 1: guilt and shame because now I'm a bad mom.

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Speaker 4: Well, you you had the guilt that helped you actually

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Speaker 4: do what made you right.

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Speaker 1: It motivated me in the right direction, like I don't

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Speaker 1: want to feel guilty because I know that it will

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Speaker 1: mean a lot for him if Ben and I are

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Speaker 1: both there, and Ben and I can't always both be there,

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Speaker 1: especially when there's multiple track meets every in the week,

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Speaker 1: depending on a week night, if there's work stuff going on,

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Speaker 1: we'll tag team. And I know not every parent listening

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Speaker 1: can be at every kid's sporting event. Like I even

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Speaker 1: think of my boyfriend, like he's got three kids and

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Speaker 1: in his situation, and he's the only one available, and

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Speaker 1: it's hard to get to all their stuff. They have

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Speaker 1: some grandparents in town, so luckily you know they can

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Speaker 1: come in or other family friends, but a lot of

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Speaker 1: times they're writing with friends and he's not able to

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Speaker 1: be there. So I understand that for a lot of

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Speaker 1: parents it's like, oh, don't feel bad. Not everybody can

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Speaker 1: always be there.

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Speaker 3: But I did.

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Speaker 1: I felt bad. That got me to go, but then

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Speaker 1: I felt like if I didn't go, I was now

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Speaker 1: a bad person.

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Speaker 3: The punishment was exaggerated.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, where it was really like, oh, man, I probably,

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Speaker 4: if I think about it, that would have been the

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Speaker 4: right thing that would make me feel the best versus

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Speaker 4: this cancels out everything I've ever done for him In

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Speaker 4: my life right.

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Speaker 1: And then also I didn't want it to be about

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Speaker 1: me feeling better. I really wanted to be about just

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Speaker 1: showing up for him. Yeah, like that's what it should

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Speaker 1: bebout at the end of the day. And you know what,

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Speaker 1: he was so excited that I was there, and he

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Speaker 1: ended up running two events and he was like, are

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Speaker 1: you going to be able to stay for the next

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Speaker 1: And of course I did. But then it was like

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Speaker 1: two hours later, and then I was driving home and

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Speaker 1: then speaking of my boyfriend, and then his son had

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Speaker 1: a basketball game like thirty minutes away, so we went

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Speaker 1: to that.

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Speaker 3: What do you do for two hours in the middle

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Speaker 3: of the.

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Speaker 1: Well, I paced the parking lot a little bit, trying

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Speaker 1: to work on a video that I was doing for Instagram,

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Speaker 1: and but then my phone was going to die, so

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Speaker 1: then I had to go in my car and set

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Speaker 1: it down on the little charger thing because I don't

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Speaker 1: have the wire, so I couldn't work on it because

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Speaker 1: like in the console, so I'm getting a wire.

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Speaker 3: What is he doing?

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Speaker 1: Stevenson hanging out with his friends in the middle of

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Speaker 1: the track and then they set up they start setting

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Speaker 1: up the hurdles. So then I call my boyfriend, and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, is there like a sequence of events

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Speaker 1: because I don't understand the order of things, and because

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Speaker 1: he was an athlete, like it's a kathlete, which is

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Speaker 1: every track event. And he broke a record in high

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Speaker 1: school for hurdles. Actually he still holds the record. And

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Speaker 1: remember he's fifty two, so this is a long time.

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Speaker 1: Can he still hurdle that people have not broken his record?

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Speaker 1: He doesn't. I mean, I'm sure he could, but he

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Speaker 1: doesn't run much these days. It's just fun fact about

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Speaker 1: him is that he's got that record. So I'm like,

413
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Speaker 1: Uncle Rico. I'm like, show me what you got, uncle

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00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:16,679
Speaker 1: Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite. Actually, if he is not

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00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:19,280
Speaker 1: bringing a bell up, I've seen he's throwing the football

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00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:23,520
Speaker 1: and he's like still thinks he's this football star. No,

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Speaker 1: I have you ever seen it?

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Speaker 4: So my memory is not good, but I have seen it.

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Speaker 4: I've seen it like probably ten times.

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Speaker 1: Well, I'm just surprised you haven't heard the Uncle Rico reference.

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00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:36,200
Speaker 1: But that's totally fine if you haven't.

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Speaker 3: Don't feel shame.

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00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:39,040
Speaker 1: About that, because that helps me know. I probably need

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Speaker 1: to explain my references because I'm if my boyfriend was

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Speaker 1: Uncle Rico. What he would be doing if he were

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Speaker 1: that is like I would show up at his house

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Speaker 1: and he would have hurdles set up in his driveway

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Speaker 1: and he would be running them like that would be

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Speaker 1: Uncle Rico. So thankfully, heyday, we're not living in that heyday.

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Speaker 3: Although move forward.

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Speaker 1: If we do go to the high school he went to,

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00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,639
Speaker 1: which that's where his kids go. You can see the

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Speaker 1: record the wall, like plaid on the wall. Yeah, and

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00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:09,399
Speaker 1: people talk about it. I'm like, what's what's it?

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Speaker 3: Like?

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00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:14,000
Speaker 1: We actually ran into his track coach somewhere and they're like,

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Speaker 1: I think, I think we got a good possibility to

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Speaker 1: break your record this year. So like a good leg

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00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:20,199
Speaker 1: a student that might break it.

440
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,320
Speaker 3: Play did he run track in college? He did?

441
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:23,919
Speaker 1: Yeah, at Uva.

442
00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:26,840
Speaker 3: Oh wow, No Olympics.

443
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,560
Speaker 1: No Olympics. If you think about it, I good question.

444
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,600
Speaker 1: I haven't asked him that. I'll ask okay, okay, did

445
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:33,200
Speaker 1: you ever think.

446
00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:37,560
Speaker 3: About the Olympics? I have that record from high school.

447
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:38,879
Speaker 3: Not what that means.

448
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,440
Speaker 1: But so back to him being into Catholic. He knows

449
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:44,680
Speaker 1: all the events because he did all the events, and

450
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:46,600
Speaker 1: I wanted to know how long I might be waiting

451
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,480
Speaker 1: because I was like, is there a universal is this

452
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:52,080
Speaker 1: the order we go in? And he was like, well, typically,

453
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:53,840
Speaker 1: but I don't know about junior high, but for sure

454
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:56,600
Speaker 1: in high school and college. So anyway, two hours later

455
00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:59,760
Speaker 1: I was able to leave, but I'm so glad I went,

456
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,119
Speaker 1: and even was so excited, and for me it was

457
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:05,679
Speaker 1: the right thing to do for him, not for my

458
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:06,560
Speaker 1: guilt and shame.

459
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:10,840
Speaker 3: I guess, well, it's attached to what you think is

460
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:12,560
Speaker 3: what you know is going to make him happy too.

461
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:14,200
Speaker 4: It's okay, it's okay for it to be for both

462
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:17,040
Speaker 4: of you guys. Okay, that's not a bad motivator.

463
00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:20,000
Speaker 3: So you're getting Yeah, that goes to like the it's

464
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:24,120
Speaker 3: okay to have those like selfish selfish motivations sometimes where

465
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,199
Speaker 3: it's I know, being a good mom. Part of that

466
00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:29,720
Speaker 3: is bringing joy to my kids' lives and my kids

467
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:32,399
Speaker 3: knowing that their mom is supportive of them, so that's

468
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:33,800
Speaker 3: mutually beneficial.

469
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:37,400
Speaker 1: That's okay, thank you. Yeah, Okay, Well that's my little

470
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:40,560
Speaker 1: example because I just had that scenario on Friday. Okay,

471
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:44,760
Speaker 1: so well let's get into the to the meat of things. Yeah,

472
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,159
Speaker 1: so do you know that analogy?

473
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:48,560
Speaker 3: Can you explain it to me.

474
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:53,960
Speaker 1: So you have a plate, I'm thinking, then there's the bones,

475
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:56,640
Speaker 1: and then there's like the meat. Oh, I'm thinking of

476
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,480
Speaker 1: like a plate, and I think that's where that does

477
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:01,480
Speaker 1: come from, like the meat and potato. Like we just

478
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:05,120
Speaker 1: meet potato sides. Yeah, Like we started with the salad

479
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:07,520
Speaker 1: and then we just had like I just served up

480
00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:09,400
Speaker 1: a little side dish with that story, and then now

481
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:10,359
Speaker 1: you're gonna get to the meat.

482
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:11,480
Speaker 3: That's what I was thinking.

483
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:14,239
Speaker 1: Okay, you always thought that was about the bones. Well

484
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:16,240
Speaker 1: you start talking, I'm gonna look up where that comes from.

485
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:20,159
Speaker 1: Because we'll start start with shame. We'll start there and

486
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:21,959
Speaker 1: get into like the core need of that.

487
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:36,400
Speaker 3: Okay, so back to if you're new, a little refresher.

488
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:38,880
Speaker 4: We're going through all the eight core feelings and we're

489
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:41,440
Speaker 4: talking about the need attached to them.

490
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:48,280
Speaker 3: The impairment if you avoid the feeling. If anybody knew, why,

491
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:55,119
Speaker 3: why is that funny? Well, I don't know.

492
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:59,000
Speaker 1: It's just like maybe maybe they stumbled up us, like

493
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:00,440
Speaker 1: just this episode.

494
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:05,920
Speaker 3: YouTube, the next video that came up. Okay, they look fun.

495
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:08,200
Speaker 1: You're right, you're right, No, I know, or they're if

496
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:12,120
Speaker 1: they've downloaded because I guess if I'm starting a podcast. Okay, true,

497
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:13,920
Speaker 1: true confession.

498
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:14,680
Speaker 3: I like, we can't.

499
00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:21,200
Speaker 1: I've listened well to another third episode. Yeah, but if

500
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,399
Speaker 1: this was four Things, which this is the Feeling Things,

501
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:27,920
Speaker 1: is the rebranded version of that, this would be episode

502
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:32,359
Speaker 1: like six hundred and fifty three, not just the third.

503
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,680
Speaker 1: So you're right, But see, I feel like, do people

504
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:36,640
Speaker 1: go back to the beginning and start or did they

505
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:37,560
Speaker 1: just pick up wherever?

506
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:40,680
Speaker 4: I do not go back to the beginning of a podcast, Okay,

507
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:42,960
Speaker 4: unless I run out of episodes and then I'm like, oh,

508
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,359
Speaker 4: I want to listen to more, I'm.

509
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:45,800
Speaker 1: Gonna go back six hundred and fifty.

510
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:47,920
Speaker 4: If somebody was like, hey, I started listening to this

511
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:51,000
Speaker 4: new podcast, okay, and this is the episode and this

512
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:52,600
Speaker 4: is the next episode, okay, So if you.

513
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:56,880
Speaker 1: Are new, welcome, Hi. We are running through trying.

514
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:57,960
Speaker 3: To shame me. No.

515
00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:01,000
Speaker 1: No, I just thought it was funny of like, I know,

516
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:04,199
Speaker 1: we have our loyal, amazing listeners that have been with

517
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:06,000
Speaker 1: us a long time, and of course there's gonna be

518
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,200
Speaker 1: new ones finding us, and I want that. I guess.

519
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,440
Speaker 1: I just think it's funny. Sometimes we're like if you're

520
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:12,880
Speaker 1: brand new here, which I hope we need to act

521
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:15,320
Speaker 1: as if that's very normal. I'm sorry, idea else that I've.

522
00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:17,400
Speaker 3: Got one million new followers on YouTube.

523
00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:20,000
Speaker 1: Right, yeah, act as we must swear.

524
00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:21,120
Speaker 3: Start from the beginning.

525
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,480
Speaker 1: It's actually blowing up so much so that I think

526
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:26,000
Speaker 1: we probably should slow down.

527
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:30,000
Speaker 3: Oh you think, okay, yeah, it's lit a little.

528
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,400
Speaker 1: Were we watching someone on Instagram the other day where

529
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:35,159
Speaker 1: she was saying that, Okay, we have to sidebar that's

530
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:38,919
Speaker 1: for a second, because I feel like I don't know

531
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,000
Speaker 1: that I believe her. I just feel like sometimes people

532
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:43,880
Speaker 1: say things on Instagram and it's not real, and they're

533
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:46,760
Speaker 1: acting like this is their strategy and what they're doing.

534
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:49,280
Speaker 1: They're like things just blew up for me so fast,

535
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:50,399
Speaker 1: and I didn't know how to handle it, so I

536
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:52,840
Speaker 1: had to like regroup or things that I don't know.

537
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:56,000
Speaker 3: I believe. This is why I believe about that a video.

538
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:59,119
Speaker 4: So we we were watching a video that was giving

539
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:02,360
Speaker 4: a strategy for Instagram.

540
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:03,920
Speaker 3: She was talking about what she was doing.

541
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:07,119
Speaker 4: What I believe is true is that she blew up

542
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:09,679
Speaker 4: really fast and she was like overwhelmed. She's a normal

543
00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:12,080
Speaker 4: She's just a regular person with a regular job. She

544
00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:15,760
Speaker 4: wasn't an influencer. She posted a couple videos that just

545
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:20,919
Speaker 4: like she went from a what what a normal like

546
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:24,280
Speaker 4: a five hundred followers, a thousand followers to like thirty

547
00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:27,520
Speaker 4: thousand within like a month, I think, and then now

548
00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:31,560
Speaker 4: she's what had over half a million, yes, if not

549
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:34,880
Speaker 4: more so? I think she did blow up really fast

550
00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:36,080
Speaker 4: and didn't know how to handle it and didn't know

551
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:38,280
Speaker 4: how to keep up with the content that she felt

552
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:40,679
Speaker 4: pressured to make. What I don't believe is that she

553
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:44,680
Speaker 4: did what she said she was doing because it didn't work.

554
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:48,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you know how we didn't want to believe

555
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:50,960
Speaker 1: back in the back in the day that boy bands

556
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:53,040
Speaker 1: were curated and put together?

557
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:58,080
Speaker 3: Did you talk about what are you talking about?

558
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,120
Speaker 1: You know they were they were put together because they're

559
00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:06,280
Speaker 1: best friends. No, see, That's what I'm talking about. I

560
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:08,600
Speaker 1: just feel like sometimes I wonder if Instagram has these

561
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:11,159
Speaker 1: people and they're like, oh, this creator could be something

562
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:14,080
Speaker 1: like we're gonna blow them up and we're going to

563
00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:15,679
Speaker 1: make this a thing, and this is gonna be our

564
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:18,119
Speaker 1: local project, and we make it seem like she was

565
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:22,359
Speaker 1: this nothing that went to something and you know, just

566
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:26,160
Speaker 1: like we thought justin Timberlake and his boys just got

567
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:30,520
Speaker 1: together and formed a band, you know, and they were

568
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:34,680
Speaker 1: they were women did it all. There's a machine behind it, Yes,

569
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,119
Speaker 1: there's just that's just my theory. Would you want to

570
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:42,440
Speaker 1: be one of those people? I mean no, I don't

571
00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:44,679
Speaker 1: know that. I that that that's my lane. I mean,

572
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:47,800
Speaker 1: if they wanted to blow these up, but that that

573
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,320
Speaker 1: would be helpful. But I don't know what the expectations

574
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:54,920
Speaker 1: are with her of that. But her content is really good,

575
00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:57,399
Speaker 1: Like she's handled the blow up well, I'll just say

576
00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:00,760
Speaker 1: I think she's handled it well. But from what there

577
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:03,679
Speaker 1: is a narrative that it was like a lot and

578
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:08,200
Speaker 1: I'm just this overnight success when really there might be

579
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:11,199
Speaker 1: more to it. Now there are true like people that

580
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:13,159
Speaker 1: have had something for years and years and years and

581
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:18,399
Speaker 1: then they genuinely do organically blow up like that happens. Yeah,

582
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:20,440
Speaker 1: I just don't know that. That's the vibe I'm getting

583
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:23,399
Speaker 1: from that. And she was feeding us these hacks that

584
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:25,840
Speaker 1: I think are just a trick to get us to

585
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 1: do them. We got got because we tried and we

586
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:30,159
Speaker 1: it didn't work.

587
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:33,760
Speaker 4: Don't even close. Okay, do you think I'm rubbing off

588
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:35,840
Speaker 4: on you and you're becoming a little bit more skeptical.

589
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:39,919
Speaker 1: Maybe you are because there are so many people that

590
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,120
Speaker 1: I used to believe and fall for and love, and

591
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:47,080
Speaker 1: now I'm like, it's like a cat, I see things more,

592
00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:49,119
Speaker 1: and I'm like, see things more clearly. It's like I

593
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:52,720
Speaker 1: put my cat glasses on cat vision. I have now

594
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:58,520
Speaker 1: have yes therapy cat vision because you're skeptical of most everybody.

595
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:03,560
Speaker 3: Yes, And I learned earned that by liking people and

596
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:07,679
Speaker 3: then being like, wait a second, you tricked me. So

597
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:10,480
Speaker 3: you tricked me? Speaking of that, who's the guy that

598
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:13,800
Speaker 3: was behind and sync? You said his name? I watched

599
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:15,879
Speaker 3: that documentary? Did you watch it? Yeah? I forgot what

600
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:16,639
Speaker 3: it was called.

601
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:22,880
Speaker 1: Like lou Pearlman's a nasty estimate, he's a dirty dog.

602
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:31,040
Speaker 3: It's called like dirty pop or something. But oh yeah, okay, okay,

603
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:32,680
Speaker 3: or that dirty top two things.

604
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:35,720
Speaker 4: I didn't finish it because after I think what halfway

605
00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:37,160
Speaker 4: through it was a couple of episodes.

606
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:38,000
Speaker 3: I got the point.

607
00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:40,600
Speaker 4: But that was one of those things where it looks

608
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:42,480
Speaker 4: on the outside like they're having the time of their

609
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:44,760
Speaker 4: life and on the inside they're not. So maybe that

610
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 4: girl is not having the time of her life on

611
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:49,160
Speaker 4: the inside either. You know who looks like she has

612
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:52,400
Speaker 4: all this success, but she might be really struggling.

613
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:55,240
Speaker 1: The other part is and at night, Instagram's like locking

614
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:58,280
Speaker 1: her in her room, like film this content, or like

615
00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:00,840
Speaker 1: those dancers. You know there's answers that are in that

616
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:03,680
Speaker 1: cult and they look like they're having all fun dancing

617
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:08,000
Speaker 1: and then turns out who knows when the camera's not on.

618
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:11,480
Speaker 3: Who knows? That was another documentary that I watched, that

619
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:13,960
Speaker 3: whole thing. But what I was gonna say.

620
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 4: Is what I learned and I really took away from

621
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:19,600
Speaker 4: Dirty Pop was the blimps.

622
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:23,800
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, he was in like aviation and blimps

623
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:25,520
Speaker 1: before Where did all slimps go?

624
00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:28,280
Speaker 3: I don't know, when's the last time you saw blimp?

625
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:33,760
Speaker 1: I actually wrote it a blimp not too long ago. Actually, okay, well,

626
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 1: so good year blimp. I got to take the kids

627
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:36,920
Speaker 1: up in it for work.

628
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:40,560
Speaker 3: Well, they were saying that he like maybe crashed all

629
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:43,000
Speaker 3: his blimps like insurance or something.

630
00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:45,640
Speaker 1: I don't think I was in his blimp, but I

631
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:46,360
Speaker 1: was in a blimp.

632
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:52,160
Speaker 3: But blimps were like blimp blimp, it's such a weird word.

633
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:57,480
Speaker 4: They were everywhere and now they're nowhere. And also they

634
00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:01,320
Speaker 4: were like a big money. I mean the advertising dollars

635
00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:04,800
Speaker 4: for a blimp. That's where he made all his money.

636
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:06,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, if we could have got our hands on one

637
00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:08,600
Speaker 3: of those, put feeling things on it.

638
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:11,440
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, yeah, that'd be nice. People will be like,

639
00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:12,240
Speaker 1: what is that?

640
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:14,840
Speaker 4: It was just a weird The fact that those were

641
00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:18,000
Speaker 4: that the blimp was in the Insane documentary was interesting

642
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:19,360
Speaker 4: to me. But it made me think, I've never I

643
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:20,600
Speaker 4: haven't seen a blump in a long time.

644
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:23,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I got the I know the origin of

645
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:25,080
Speaker 1: get to the meat of it. Okay, we're about to

646
00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:26,600
Speaker 1: get to the meat, and it means to go to

647
00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:28,600
Speaker 1: the most important part of the problem, just as it

648
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:31,720
Speaker 1: means the most important part of the meal. The expression

649
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:34,520
Speaker 1: is rooted in the idea that the meat of a meal,

650
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:38,520
Speaker 1: like the main course, is the most substantial and important part.

651
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:41,600
Speaker 1: Although I feel like bathing with your adult siblings is

652
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:45,520
Speaker 1: pretty substantial, you know, so.

653
00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:47,440
Speaker 3: Is that the meat of our podcast definitely.

654
00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:51,160
Speaker 1: Not uh, while the potatoes or side dishes are less significant, No,

655
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:55,160
Speaker 1: Rember willis bathing with the adult siblings is definitely the potatoes.

656
00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:58,880
Speaker 1: And then like my track story side dish, you know,

657
00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:03,400
Speaker 1: tortilla squad that could be meat though, that's not meat,

658
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:09,480
Speaker 1: but that's a special sauce or it's a tortilla. It's

659
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:13,240
Speaker 1: the rap that holds it all together. So should we

660
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:16,080
Speaker 1: get to the meat shame? Also, the name of the

661
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:19,080
Speaker 1: documentary is Dirty Pop. The boy band scam.

662
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 3: Oh Backstreet Boys. That was in there too, right, yeah,

663
00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:23,720
Speaker 3: he was with all this.

664
00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:26,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, so shame.

665
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:28,160
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, So shame.

666
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:31,600
Speaker 4: Like I was saying, if you're new here, we're going

667
00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 4: to talk about the need behind every feeling the impairment.

668
00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:36,440
Speaker 4: If you don't feel it in the gift, if you

669
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:40,080
Speaker 4: do so, shame is a confusing one because a lot

670
00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:42,800
Speaker 4: of people will say, how can that ever be good?

671
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:46,480
Speaker 4: But there's two types of shame. There's toxic shame and

672
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:49,120
Speaker 4: there's a healthy version of shame. That's the way I

673
00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:51,560
Speaker 4: really view it. So the need around it is some

674
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,680
Speaker 4: kind of attunement, whether that's a tunement with other people

675
00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:57,680
Speaker 4: or tooment with self. And when I say that, do

676
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:01,960
Speaker 4: you know what a means? Sometimes I think we use.

677
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:06,840
Speaker 1: Being in touch with Yeah, yeah, dialed in, dialed in yeah, yes,

678
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:10,640
Speaker 1: Well I just phonetically like started to break it up

679
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:15,640
Speaker 1: and then go back into you know, what's the language Latin.

680
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 1: I broke it down route wise, and then I.

681
00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:19,680
Speaker 3: What's the Latin root of attunement?

682
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:27,000
Speaker 1: What I just didn't you take Latin? No? Oh no,

683
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:29,440
Speaker 1: if I convinced you in some way that I have.

684
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:31,680
Speaker 4: I think that people used to do that instead of

685
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:32,680
Speaker 4: taking like Spanish or.

686
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:35,440
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, no, people still take it. I think. Actually

687
00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:38,400
Speaker 1: one of my boyfriends then takes Latin. But I was

688
00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:45,120
Speaker 1: just picturing tune. Yeah, dialed in at tunament, put tune

689
00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 1: two together.

690
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:46,360
Speaker 3: Smart, okay.

691
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:50,280
Speaker 4: So, and then if we are not feeling, if we're

692
00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:52,760
Speaker 4: kind of trying to avoid the shame and not really

693
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:55,800
Speaker 4: sitting with it even though it's uncomfortable, what happens is

694
00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:59,920
Speaker 4: that ends up turning into like a toxic self attack.

695
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:03,920
Speaker 4: That's where that I Am bad comes in, where we

696
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:06,200
Speaker 4: start kind of tearing ourselves apart.

697
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:08,280
Speaker 3: That's toxic shame. Okay.

698
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:11,880
Speaker 4: That's the kind of shame that really isn't helpful. If

699
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:15,920
Speaker 4: we can sit with our shame and tolerate it, that's

700
00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:18,680
Speaker 4: where we get healthy shame, and that helps us know

701
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:23,120
Speaker 4: that we're limited and that we're human. So I'm not

702
00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:26,800
Speaker 4: going to say that shame is my favorite feeling to feel.

703
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,680
Speaker 4: Out of the ones that are uncomfortable, but it also

704
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:31,760
Speaker 4: is one of I mean, they're all necessary. It is

705
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:34,200
Speaker 4: one of the most helpful because it reminds us that

706
00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:37,320
Speaker 4: we're human, we're limited, and it reminds.

707
00:33:37,120 --> 00:33:38,080
Speaker 3: Us that we need people.

708
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:42,840
Speaker 4: So if I am not allowing myself to acknowledge that

709
00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:45,160
Speaker 4: I need people, there's going to be like a wall

710
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:48,600
Speaker 4: between me and you. Also, if I don't acknowledge that

711
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:52,000
Speaker 4: I'm needing people, I don't allow other people's gifts to shine.

712
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:57,160
Speaker 4: So even in this pairing, there's things that you do

713
00:33:57,240 --> 00:33:59,240
Speaker 4: better than I do, and there's things that I might

714
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:01,320
Speaker 4: do better than you, or there's things that I might

715
00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:03,120
Speaker 4: know more about, and there's things that you might know

716
00:34:03,160 --> 00:34:07,960
Speaker 4: more about. And by sitting in our shame, which says

717
00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:11,799
Speaker 4: I am limited, we allow each other's stuff to come

718
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:12,480
Speaker 4: up and shine.

719
00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:15,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that I'm looking at our feelings. Weel

720
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:29,960
Speaker 1: and the other words that are associated with shame, humility, insecure, week, exposed, embarrassment, disgraced, unworthy, disapproval, unlovable, unlovable.

721
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:30,399
Speaker 3: That hurts.

722
00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:33,280
Speaker 4: That's a lot of the go to the gifts of shame, Okay,

723
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:34,520
Speaker 4: and what's on.

724
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:42,320
Speaker 1: There the gifts of shame containment, humanity, humility, and respect.

725
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:47,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's respect. And also there is that story. I

726
00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:49,360
Speaker 4: don't know if we talked about on here or not

727
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:53,520
Speaker 4: about the mom. Shannon gave it to us, didn't you

728
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:56,720
Speaker 4: the mom that asked for the salt salts?

729
00:34:56,800 --> 00:35:01,120
Speaker 1: Oh? Yes, okay, So it was a neighbor that didn't

730
00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:04,080
Speaker 1: have as much. Picture two neighbors. I'm going to paraphrase

731
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:07,479
Speaker 1: the story. So there's two neighbors. One neighbor has more

732
00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:11,799
Speaker 1: than the other, and so the people with more. The

733
00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:14,720
Speaker 1: mom of that family went over and asked the people

734
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,920
Speaker 1: the neighbor that had less for salt, because salt is

735
00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:20,840
Speaker 1: something they had that was probably a resource they could spare.

736
00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:24,359
Speaker 1: And the kids of the house with more they were

737
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:27,400
Speaker 1: sort of like, why did you go ask them for salt?

738
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:30,520
Speaker 1: And the mom said, I know they may need to

739
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:33,719
Speaker 1: come to us for things, and I want them to

740
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:37,360
Speaker 1: feel comfortable doing so. So if there's this mutual respect

741
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:40,040
Speaker 1: of like I am going to come ask you for something,

742
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:43,040
Speaker 1: then you can feel safe coming to ask me for something. Yeah,

743
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:44,680
Speaker 1: it's like this reciprocity.

744
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:49,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel respected when people come and ask for

745
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:51,200
Speaker 4: some I mean I don't always have it right, but

746
00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:54,600
Speaker 4: when somebody comes to me and asks for something because

747
00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 4: of whatever reason.

748
00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:59,120
Speaker 3: There's respect there where they value you. That feels really good.

749
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:04,000
Speaker 4: We are not allowing ourselves to sit in that healthy shame,

750
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:06,399
Speaker 4: knowing that we're limited. We're never going to be able

751
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 4: to offer that to somebody, So I'm going to be

752
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:11,719
Speaker 4: on an island by myself. And I think a lot

753
00:36:11,719 --> 00:36:16,640
Speaker 4: of times the toxic shame happens for people when they

754
00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:22,840
Speaker 4: grow up in households where and this is not done

755
00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:25,479
Speaker 4: in a malicious way at all, but if we come

756
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:28,960
Speaker 4: from like an overprotective or overbearing household, or a household

757
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:32,760
Speaker 4: where things are done for you, things that you probably

758
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:35,640
Speaker 4: could do for yourself, eventually are learning to do. This

759
00:36:35,719 --> 00:36:37,720
Speaker 4: thing happens where then you are out on your own

760
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:40,359
Speaker 4: and you didn't learn how to do these things right,

761
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:44,200
Speaker 4: and then you also didn't learn how to ask, so

762
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 4: then you just feel this, well, I guess I'm dumb

763
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:49,920
Speaker 4: that I can't do this or think about like.

764
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:53,520
Speaker 3: I know this for me with.

765
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:56,440
Speaker 4: Finances, and I know you've talked about this, I've just

766
00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:59,440
Speaker 4: always said to myself, I'm never going to understand that.

767
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:02,359
Speaker 4: And when I get married, somebody's going to take care

768
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:03,920
Speaker 4: of that for me, or like my dad's going to

769
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:06,160
Speaker 4: explain it or something like that, I don't need to know.

770
00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:10,160
Speaker 4: And then when I was single, unmarried until I was

771
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:13,759
Speaker 4: thirty four, I avoided it because I didn't want to

772
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:16,680
Speaker 4: have to ask for help because I was like, well,

773
00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:18,120
Speaker 4: I should know this, and.

774
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:19,080
Speaker 1: So then you're embarrassed.

775
00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:21,200
Speaker 4: So that yeah, and so there's that like and I

776
00:37:21,200 --> 00:37:24,800
Speaker 4: remember meeting with a financial advisor for the first time

777
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:28,560
Speaker 4: and saying like, I feel so stupid that I don't

778
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:31,319
Speaker 4: know this, and he was like.

779
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:33,279
Speaker 3: You're not. How would you know this? And that's what

780
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:33,960
Speaker 3: we're here for.

781
00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:37,120
Speaker 4: And I'm going to take my knowledge and help you,

782
00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:41,560
Speaker 4: just like if I was coming to you with for therapy,

783
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:44,080
Speaker 4: you're going to be able to help me. I thought

784
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:46,640
Speaker 4: that was a nice way of putting that. I like that,

785
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:51,200
Speaker 4: but I'm not his therapist. Oh, mostly because I dated him.

786
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:55,719
Speaker 1: And then but also really, could you, like, could you

787
00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:58,799
Speaker 1: be the therapist? So you're finance now, no, like legally.

788
00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:00,640
Speaker 3: That it would be a mess. I'd be bad.

789
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, especially with the stock market. You'd be like, that's

790
00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:07,120
Speaker 4: my money that you're stressed out about losing.

791
00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:15,080
Speaker 1: So for years I carried shame towards my body when

792
00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:18,239
Speaker 1: I was trying to get pregnant. I'm trying to think

793
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:21,279
Speaker 1: of what year Ben and I actually started trying for

794
00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:25,520
Speaker 1: a baby, but it wasn't explainable. So we went to

795
00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:29,439
Speaker 1: fertility doctors and we tried to get answers. We did

796
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:34,920
Speaker 1: certain tests, and we didn't know. So I just would

797
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:36,680
Speaker 1: put that pressure on me, and I think Ben did

798
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:39,200
Speaker 1: the same, like, well, then it must be me, or

799
00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:41,680
Speaker 1: it could have just been that he was in the

800
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:44,920
Speaker 1: Air Force and he was deployed a lot, and you know,

801
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:47,359
Speaker 1: sometimes it takes a lot of tries, and maybe when

802
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:49,000
Speaker 1: I was ovulating he was gone. But I mean, we

803
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:51,600
Speaker 1: were trying to do all the things right on during

804
00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:53,200
Speaker 1: the sixty days he was home, because he would be

805
00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:56,640
Speaker 1: sixty days deployed, sixty days home. So those sixty days home,

806
00:38:56,840 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 1: what you have two chances of getting pregnant, and we

807
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:04,000
Speaker 1: weren't able to. So I just felt like my body

808
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:06,360
Speaker 1: was broken. And a lot of my friends around me

809
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:11,400
Speaker 1: were all getting pregnant. And my sister has four biological children,

810
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:16,839
Speaker 1: and so to me, being her sister, like, well, what's

811
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:20,400
Speaker 1: wrong with my body? My body's broken, my body is bad,

812
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:25,239
Speaker 1: what's wrong with me? When truth is we really didn't know,

813
00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:28,760
Speaker 1: and no, I wasn't broken, and we had a different

814
00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:32,239
Speaker 1: story for how we were going to become parents, which

815
00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:37,719
Speaker 1: eventually was adoption, and that is beautiful. I still do

816
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:40,839
Speaker 1: have certain thoughts sometimes, like I wonder if I could

817
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:43,960
Speaker 1: still ever get pregnant and have a baby, But then

818
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:45,719
Speaker 1: I guess if I did, then would we know, Like,

819
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:50,040
Speaker 1: oh so maybe maybe it wasn't me, like I would

820
00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:51,920
Speaker 1: have what I do. I want that maybe just for

821
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:55,040
Speaker 1: that validation of like, I'm not broken, because for so

822
00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:59,279
Speaker 1: long I of like growing up, like that's what I

823
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:01,239
Speaker 1: wanted to be was stay at home mom, Like I

824
00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:05,160
Speaker 1: just wanted to get pregnant and then stay home with

825
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:09,000
Speaker 1: my kids. And thankfully, like I have a whole career now,

826
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:12,319
Speaker 1: and because that's what happened for me, if you ended

827
00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:14,360
Speaker 1: up a stay at home mom, that's not what I'm saying,

828
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,720
Speaker 1: I probably shouldn't have to do that, well, I said, thankfully.

829
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:20,200
Speaker 1: I just I guess, thankfully I have a career and

830
00:40:20,239 --> 00:40:21,920
Speaker 1: I didn't have all my eggs in that basket, or

831
00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:25,520
Speaker 1: I'd still be sitting around waiting like what am I doing?

832
00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:28,200
Speaker 1: But I was able to have something that I could

833
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:31,360
Speaker 1: focus on, and then we were able to adopt. But

834
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:33,200
Speaker 1: I know that there's other people out there that might

835
00:40:33,239 --> 00:40:36,000
Speaker 1: be in a similar situation with fertility, And I just

836
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:39,320
Speaker 1: don't want you to be hating on your body, yeah,

837
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:41,440
Speaker 1: or hating yourself or feeling like you're broken.

838
00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:45,400
Speaker 4: And I think it's easier sometimes for us to jump

839
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:49,400
Speaker 4: into the shame bucket before we jump into the sad

840
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:55,080
Speaker 4: bucket or the fear bucket, or name any other emotion.

841
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:59,160
Speaker 4: Maybe that has to do with how we grew up

842
00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:03,160
Speaker 4: in the messages were given as humans are really just

843
00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:06,800
Speaker 4: as women, it's really easy to jump in there versus.

844
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:11,120
Speaker 3: I'm really sad this isn't going this way, or.

845
00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:12,879
Speaker 1: I'm glad you said that about the messaging because it's

846
00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:15,960
Speaker 1: like you feel like growing up like this is the

847
00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:18,400
Speaker 1: one thing you were designed to do and you're not

848
00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:19,920
Speaker 1: able to do it, and you're like.

849
00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:21,680
Speaker 3: Supposed to do it. You're the one that's supposed to

850
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:22,000
Speaker 3: do it.

851
00:41:22,120 --> 00:41:26,480
Speaker 1: Like if we were on some show, like I don't

852
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:30,480
Speaker 1: want it to be Handmaid's Tale, Like I don't want

853
00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:33,680
Speaker 1: it to be that, you know, yeah, but like I

854
00:41:33,719 --> 00:41:37,360
Speaker 1: would be not just okay, maybe it's not that, or

855
00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:39,680
Speaker 1: if it was way back, if we were getting weeded out.

856
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:40,640
Speaker 1: I'd be weeded out.

857
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:42,319
Speaker 3: Isn't that what they did in him? I didn't watch

858
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:43,160
Speaker 3: it because I couldn't deal.

859
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:45,040
Speaker 1: With it, Like I stopped watching it eventually. But I'm

860
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:47,200
Speaker 1: just like going way back in time. I mean, Handmaid's

861
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 1: Tale is really freaky to even think that, because that's

862
00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:52,239
Speaker 1: like now, and what if it looked like way back then?

863
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,080
Speaker 1: But I'm just saying, like, way, way, way way back,

864
00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:56,520
Speaker 1: Like I wouldn't have been a part of what was

865
00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:59,680
Speaker 1: desirable because I couldn't.

866
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:01,920
Speaker 3: But there's more to you than that.

867
00:42:02,239 --> 00:42:04,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, like, way way, way, way way back then, I

868
00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:07,759
Speaker 1: could have done a podcast, just kidding. There was no

869
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:09,960
Speaker 1: technology live. I could have been a town crier and

870
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:11,600
Speaker 1: I could have stood in the middle of the town

871
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:16,360
Speaker 1: square and then like you know, told jokes.

872
00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:20,000
Speaker 4: You could have been one of the Maybe that's the

873
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:22,799
Speaker 4: same thing. But when they would all come to the

874
00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:27,120
Speaker 4: thinking of in Roman times in the colisseum and they would.

875
00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:29,400
Speaker 1: Like to play yes, oh I could have been a fesbian.

876
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:30,960
Speaker 3: Oh you couldn't. I think only men could do that.

877
00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:35,600
Speaker 4: Actually, right, probably they even played the women characters, so okay,

878
00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:39,640
Speaker 4: well you would have changed the course, have been a

879
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:44,360
Speaker 4: I don't know, basket weaver. Yes, maybe I could have

880
00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:48,200
Speaker 4: helped to clothe the pregnant women, yeah, and brush their.

881
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:51,000
Speaker 3: Hair like.

882
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:56,240
Speaker 1: That made me think of that scene in Dirty Dancing.

883
00:42:56,239 --> 00:42:58,480
Speaker 1: My sister and I reenact that sometimes when she brushing

884
00:42:58,480 --> 00:43:00,719
Speaker 1: her hair and she was like, but she says, she's

885
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:06,320
Speaker 1: really pretty hair. Baby, you've never seen Dirty Dancing.

886
00:43:06,719 --> 00:43:09,880
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, you just assume I haven't seen the movie.

887
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:11,919
Speaker 3: Who's brushing whose hair?

888
00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:17,600
Speaker 1: The sister? Baby is her name, so character Francis is

889
00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:18,080
Speaker 1: her real name.

890
00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:23,279
Speaker 3: Francis in a corner comes from exactly that he just

891
00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:24,520
Speaker 3: called her baby.

892
00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:27,000
Speaker 1: Or she says something like want me to do your hair? Baby.

893
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:29,960
Speaker 1: I can't remember exactly because my brain just kind of

894
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:32,480
Speaker 1: popped to that scene. I don't know why. I tell you,

895
00:43:32,520 --> 00:43:34,399
Speaker 1: my brain goes places when we're talking and then it's

896
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:36,600
Speaker 1: like completely not related to what we're talking about, and

897
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:37,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, brain, stop it.

898
00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:38,080
Speaker 3: You're trying to.

899
00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:40,760
Speaker 1: Focus because I really want to focus on what we're saying.

900
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:42,680
Speaker 1: And then that's where I go. And then now I

901
00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:44,680
Speaker 1: talk about it and I'm taking everybody else's brain there,

902
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:46,400
Speaker 1: and it's like, yeah, but are derail.

903
00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:49,440
Speaker 3: That's also like the fun of having a conversation with you.

904
00:43:50,760 --> 00:43:53,280
Speaker 1: Is it fun though? Because I see videos on Instagram

905
00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:54,320
Speaker 1: of like, this is what it's like talking to my

906
00:43:54,360 --> 00:43:56,759
Speaker 1: ADHD friend and the people that are what do you

907
00:43:56,760 --> 00:44:01,359
Speaker 1: call it, like neurotypical? Yeah, God, they sit there looking

908
00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:02,480
Speaker 1: at their ADHD friend.

909
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:05,200
Speaker 4: Like, get to the point what is going on the

910
00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:07,560
Speaker 4: only time it's frustrating, and I say this is I

911
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:11,000
Speaker 4: do it too, is when you're trying to get something

912
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:14,279
Speaker 4: done or I frustrate myself. Otherwise it's like, oh, we

913
00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:17,360
Speaker 4: bring so much diversity into this conversation.

914
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:21,120
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, we're so diverse. Yeah, yeah, maybe I would

915
00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:25,600
Speaker 1: be able to tell jokes. Kermit the Frog didn't exist them,

916
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:27,040
Speaker 1: but I just had to kermit the frog joke that

917
00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:28,960
Speaker 1: popped into my head that it's kind of funny. You

918
00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:29,680
Speaker 1: want to know what it is?

919
00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:30,920
Speaker 3: Are you going to do it? It's voice?

920
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:44,239
Speaker 1: Krmit the Frog didn't exist them, but I just had

921
00:44:44,239 --> 00:44:46,040
Speaker 1: to kermit the frog joke that popped into my head

922
00:44:46,080 --> 00:44:47,520
Speaker 1: that it's kind of funny. You want to know what

923
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:48,560
Speaker 1: it is? Are you going to do it?

924
00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 3: It's voice?

925
00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:57,760
Speaker 1: Uh no, what did Kermit the Frog say at his puppet?

926
00:44:57,800 --> 00:44:59,560
Speaker 1: Because he's a puppet, so he has a puppeteer the

927
00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:01,840
Speaker 1: person at is puppeteer's funeral.

928
00:45:03,239 --> 00:45:06,040
Speaker 3: What did Kermit the Frogs say at his puppeteer's funeral?

929
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:14,360
Speaker 1: Not a word?

930
00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:18,480
Speaker 3: That's a joke and a riddle. Oh you know, it's

931
00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:21,800
Speaker 3: a diverse what Okay?

932
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:27,279
Speaker 4: Any other thoughts on shame, shame and guilt. We've within

933
00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:28,960
Speaker 4: each other, so we can still talk about shame as

934
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:29,400
Speaker 4: we move.

935
00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:31,600
Speaker 1: On to okay, we can move on to guilt.

936
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:32,160
Speaker 3: Okay.

937
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:38,840
Speaker 4: So guilt also very helpful. Guilt helps sustain in alignment

938
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:41,279
Speaker 4: with ourselves. We have to know what.

939
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:43,160
Speaker 1: Our alignment is. My word of the year.

940
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:46,280
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, so I've been feeling a lot of guilt

941
00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:46,840
Speaker 3: this year.

942
00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:50,880
Speaker 4: Maybe not because you're just so in alignment that the

943
00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:51,920
Speaker 4: guilt isn't coming up.

944
00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:54,840
Speaker 1: I'm feeling in alignment mostly unless my son has a

945
00:45:54,920 --> 00:45:55,200
Speaker 1: truck me.

946
00:45:57,040 --> 00:45:59,719
Speaker 4: That makes sense. So the need around guilt a lot

947
00:45:59,719 --> 00:46:01,600
Speaker 4: of time has to do with forgiveness. It could be

948
00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:04,600
Speaker 4: ourselves or forgiveness with somebody else or a group of

949
00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:08,120
Speaker 4: people or whatever. So when we're unaware of our guilt,

950
00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:10,400
Speaker 4: when we don't allow ourselves to actually acknowledge that we

951
00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:13,600
Speaker 4: feel guilty, that moves us into the toxic shame realm

952
00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:16,359
Speaker 4: as well. And that's where these are, which I guess

953
00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:17,600
Speaker 4: your therapist said, cousins.

954
00:46:18,040 --> 00:46:18,399
Speaker 3: They are.

955
00:46:18,800 --> 00:46:20,960
Speaker 4: They want to be best friends, but we need them

956
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:21,840
Speaker 4: to have like a little.

957
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:25,319
Speaker 3: Bit of separation. That's like our eyebrows sister, was it.

958
00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:27,080
Speaker 1: We want them to be the same, like so many

959
00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:29,200
Speaker 1: people are, like I want my eyebrows to be identical.

960
00:46:29,440 --> 00:46:33,440
Speaker 1: But brows are cousins, not sisters.

961
00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:36,439
Speaker 3: Brows are the same as guilt and shame, right, Okay,

962
00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:36,880
Speaker 3: So it's.

963
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:39,000
Speaker 1: Easier, especially mine, because I have to draw mine on

964
00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:43,920
Speaker 1: every day. Now. They were good, thank you, okay, thirty minutes.

965
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:47,480
Speaker 4: But we don't want ourselves to feel guilt. What we

966
00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:50,960
Speaker 4: will do a lot of times also is will deflect

967
00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:54,520
Speaker 4: or will get really defensive, and then what we don't

968
00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:56,240
Speaker 4: do is live in our values.

969
00:46:56,320 --> 00:46:59,000
Speaker 3: But then we'll excuse it and we'll blame a lot

970
00:46:59,040 --> 00:46:59,840
Speaker 3: of showing up in.

971
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:03,239
Speaker 4: As I'm describing this, I'm like, this is nobody that

972
00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:05,600
Speaker 4: would ever want to be hanging out with, but we

973
00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:06,960
Speaker 4: all are going to do it at times.

974
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:09,880
Speaker 3: So there's that we can take some of that shame

975
00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:12,760
Speaker 3: and pressure off of us. And then if you are.

976
00:47:13,280 --> 00:47:16,920
Speaker 4: Feeling your guilt, your guilt helps show you what's important

977
00:47:16,960 --> 00:47:19,239
Speaker 4: to you, what your values are, and it helps you

978
00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 4: maintain relationships too, with yourself and other people.

979
00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:26,399
Speaker 3: Guilt says, Hey, that wasn't really what you wanted to do.

980
00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:29,680
Speaker 4: Maybe you might want to go talk to them and

981
00:47:29,920 --> 00:47:33,080
Speaker 4: ask for forgiveness or ask what you could have done better,

982
00:47:33,120 --> 00:47:34,640
Speaker 4: And you can also do that for yourself.

983
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:35,680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

984
00:47:35,760 --> 00:47:36,560
Speaker 3: I like that gift.

985
00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:39,960
Speaker 1: That's why you were saying with the guilt about when

986
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:43,880
Speaker 1: another track meet, because I felt that that's great information

987
00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:45,960
Speaker 1: because now I get to show up how I want to.

988
00:47:46,640 --> 00:47:46,920
Speaker 3: Yeah.

989
00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:49,280
Speaker 4: If we don't yeah, if we don't ever feel guilt

990
00:47:49,320 --> 00:47:51,200
Speaker 4: is there because we're avoiding it and then we're living

991
00:47:51,239 --> 00:47:54,399
Speaker 4: in shame and also not being who you truly are

992
00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:56,440
Speaker 4: or we are.

993
00:47:57,320 --> 00:48:02,080
Speaker 1: So like psychopaths don't feel I would imagine not shame

994
00:48:02,160 --> 00:48:05,240
Speaker 1: or guilt. I would imagine sociopaths.

995
00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:07,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, both of them.

996
00:48:07,680 --> 00:48:10,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, it makes me think at the time that guy

997
00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:11,919
Speaker 1: said I was a sociopath.

998
00:48:12,880 --> 00:48:14,759
Speaker 3: See, but you're not. Wait what did you say when

999
00:48:14,760 --> 00:48:16,240
Speaker 3: you're like, I feel empathy?

1000
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:20,640
Speaker 1: You a little backstory. Here is somebody in our life,

1001
00:48:21,239 --> 00:48:23,319
Speaker 1: not in my life. He was in your life. Don't

1002
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:27,000
Speaker 1: get it twisted. He was somebody in our life said

1003
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:31,520
Speaker 1: I was a socio path ish or acting sociopathic or

1004
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:33,719
Speaker 1: something like that, And I had to google exactly what

1005
00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:36,600
Speaker 1: that meant because I didn't know the difference between the psychopath.

1006
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:39,400
Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay, and I want to lean in

1007
00:48:39,560 --> 00:48:42,480
Speaker 1: if I'm having that, I want to know so I

1008
00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:47,319
Speaker 1: can fix it. So I'm like, what is a sociopath?

1009
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:49,080
Speaker 1: And it said one of the things under there is

1010
00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:51,080
Speaker 1: they have no regard for the law. Oh, that's what

1011
00:48:51,160 --> 00:48:54,240
Speaker 1: it was, I said, And I said, I have regard

1012
00:48:54,320 --> 00:48:57,879
Speaker 1: for the law. I'm not I'm not a cencio that. Yeah,

1013
00:48:58,000 --> 00:49:01,439
Speaker 1: I've regard for them to follow rules and you're good

1014
00:49:01,560 --> 00:49:02,320
Speaker 1: person rules.

1015
00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:04,239
Speaker 3: But I what's.

1016
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:06,239
Speaker 4: Funny about that was that in a that was in

1017
00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:11,600
Speaker 4: an email, right, you would be the last person in

1018
00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:15,240
Speaker 4: my life that I would one of the last people

1019
00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:18,680
Speaker 4: that I would say has any qualities of that. So

1020
00:49:18,760 --> 00:49:20,759
Speaker 4: for somebody to call you that, I think that's when

1021
00:49:20,800 --> 00:49:21,640
Speaker 4: I lost it.

1022
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:24,120
Speaker 1: And I cried, oh, because I sent you the email

1023
00:49:24,120 --> 00:49:25,960
Speaker 1: and you like, I can't even read this. I'm crying.

1024
00:49:26,239 --> 00:49:28,759
Speaker 1: Shannon's typing me notes right now. But psychopaths, she said,

1025
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:30,880
Speaker 1: they see no shame or guilt even when the person's

1026
00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:33,000
Speaker 1: behavior was obviously hurtful.

1027
00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:33,839
Speaker 3: Which is that there.

1028
00:49:34,800 --> 00:49:37,239
Speaker 4: I wouldn't call this a superpower, but that's the why

1029
00:49:37,239 --> 00:49:38,960
Speaker 4: they're able to do what they do because they don't

1030
00:49:39,040 --> 00:49:42,719
Speaker 4: have those feelings, which it feels very foreign.

1031
00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:43,960
Speaker 1: To Right, So then are we supposed to have grace

1032
00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:45,439
Speaker 1: for that? In a whear?

1033
00:49:45,640 --> 00:49:47,600
Speaker 3: Okay, no, no, what do you mean by that?

1034
00:49:47,719 --> 00:49:52,080
Speaker 1: No? Well, I guess I feel bad that they can't feel.

1035
00:49:52,200 --> 00:49:54,000
Speaker 1: I know that's their responsibility, but what if, like they

1036
00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:58,040
Speaker 1: literally can't feel. Let's take out serial killers and stuff

1037
00:49:58,080 --> 00:50:00,440
Speaker 1: per murdered, like maybe they're never because there's any of

1038
00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:03,160
Speaker 1: sociopaths or psychopaths that haven't killed people.

1039
00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:07,239
Speaker 4: Somebody of like a narcissist who like might not have

1040
00:50:07,239 --> 00:50:08,360
Speaker 4: any empathy.

1041
00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:11,040
Speaker 1: Right, And I, when I really boil it down to

1042
00:50:11,120 --> 00:50:14,160
Speaker 1: the root of their problem, I do feel bad and

1043
00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:17,200
Speaker 1: I try to have some grace. But there's also boundaries.

1044
00:50:17,840 --> 00:50:19,719
Speaker 1: So can you have grace.

1045
00:50:19,520 --> 00:50:23,040
Speaker 3: And bound you have compassion without forgiveness.

1046
00:50:22,560 --> 00:50:24,080
Speaker 1: As you're freaking annoyed?

1047
00:50:24,680 --> 00:50:28,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, so compassion without forgiveness. Compassion allows me to understand, like,

1048
00:50:28,800 --> 00:50:32,040
Speaker 4: imagine somebody in your life who has really hurt you,

1049
00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:35,440
Speaker 4: but maybe somebody in their life really hurt them, Okay,

1050
00:50:35,719 --> 00:50:37,799
Speaker 4: a parent. This happens a lot with people who have

1051
00:50:38,120 --> 00:50:40,520
Speaker 4: parents that have caused them a lot of pain, whether

1052
00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:44,719
Speaker 4: it's abuse or neglect or something like that. We can

1053
00:50:44,800 --> 00:50:48,960
Speaker 4: have compassion and say, I get it, nobody taught you

1054
00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:52,239
Speaker 4: and you were doing the best you could, and I

1055
00:50:52,280 --> 00:50:55,360
Speaker 4: don't forgive you because it was not okay, and I

1056
00:50:55,400 --> 00:50:56,040
Speaker 4: deserve better.

1057
00:50:56,719 --> 00:50:59,480
Speaker 3: So compassion without forgiveness.

1058
00:51:00,120 --> 00:51:01,360
Speaker 1: But should we always forgive?

1059
00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:02,720
Speaker 5: Uh?

1060
00:51:02,920 --> 00:51:03,120
Speaker 1: Ish?

1061
00:51:03,239 --> 00:51:03,719
Speaker 3: Personally?

1062
00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:07,600
Speaker 4: I think no, Okay, but that's not I mean, it's

1063
00:51:07,719 --> 00:51:09,399
Speaker 4: up to you. You're allowed to well.

1064
00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:11,239
Speaker 1: I don't know, just going back to I mean just

1065
00:51:11,280 --> 00:51:16,240
Speaker 1: generally speaking, like, uh, maybe you don't have to forgive

1066
00:51:16,840 --> 00:51:20,040
Speaker 1: them religious stuff aside, So let's set that we're not.

1067
00:51:20,200 --> 00:51:21,919
Speaker 1: We don't need to go down that path. But even

1068
00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:25,040
Speaker 1: just the the saying that's pretty popular about that of

1069
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:29,000
Speaker 1: like like drinking poisons, Like drinking poison and expecting the

1070
00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:30,480
Speaker 1: other person to die.

1071
00:51:31,120 --> 00:51:35,640
Speaker 4: I think that can be reversed, and forgiving somebody can

1072
00:51:35,680 --> 00:51:37,839
Speaker 4: actually feel like we're being forced to forgive.

1073
00:51:37,880 --> 00:51:39,960
Speaker 3: Somebody can feel like drinking poison because a.

1074
00:51:39,960 --> 00:51:42,440
Speaker 4: Lot of times when we forgive people, it is forced

1075
00:51:42,480 --> 00:51:45,759
Speaker 4: forgiveness where it feels like it's the shame. It's like,

1076
00:51:45,960 --> 00:51:47,800
Speaker 4: it feels like I have to do this, I should

1077
00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:49,879
Speaker 4: do this. Everybody's telling me that I should do this,

1078
00:51:50,160 --> 00:51:55,000
Speaker 4: but it doesn't feel right. And I am imagine somebody

1079
00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:58,160
Speaker 4: who has abused you or hurt you or something like that.

1080
00:51:58,239 --> 00:52:04,239
Speaker 4: It's yeah, I can have compassion for humanity. Maybe not

1081
00:52:04,280 --> 00:52:07,440
Speaker 4: for that person, depending on the situation. I'm using a

1082
00:52:07,480 --> 00:52:11,319
Speaker 4: really extreme situation. I can have compassion for humanity and

1083
00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:14,960
Speaker 4: I can heal and move forward and not forgive this person.

1084
00:52:15,160 --> 00:52:21,240
Speaker 3: Okay, I think that is fairer and possible. But also if.

1085
00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:24,440
Speaker 4: You want to work towards forgiveness, there's no shame in

1086
00:52:24,480 --> 00:52:27,200
Speaker 4: that either. If that's something you want, I just like

1087
00:52:27,239 --> 00:52:28,920
Speaker 4: to send the message that you don't have to do

1088
00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:30,840
Speaker 4: that to heal, right.

1089
00:52:31,040 --> 00:52:35,600
Speaker 1: And forgiveness is a very very very personal journey and choice.

1090
00:52:36,160 --> 00:52:39,040
Speaker 4: So just giving options I think is helpful. You can,

1091
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:41,520
Speaker 4: you don't have to, You'll be okay if you don't.

1092
00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:48,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, depend on the situation, depending Okay, Okay, we are

1093
00:52:48,160 --> 00:52:50,520
Speaker 1: we're talking about guilt. We're talking about guilt.

1094
00:52:50,520 --> 00:52:51,239
Speaker 3: We're talking about guil.

1095
00:52:51,360 --> 00:52:53,239
Speaker 1: I think if we're talking about guilt, I have the

1096
00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:56,160
Speaker 1: same thing with guilt, though with my body and not

1097
00:52:56,160 --> 00:52:58,520
Speaker 1: being able to get pregnant. So the shame was just

1098
00:52:58,600 --> 00:53:01,000
Speaker 1: so we can keep practicing. The different between the shame

1099
00:53:01,200 --> 00:53:05,319
Speaker 1: was I am broken. The guilt was I can't give

1100
00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:12,440
Speaker 1: my husband or us a baby like his family name biologically,

1101
00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:15,520
Speaker 1: you know, like he really wanted a baby, as did I.

1102
00:53:15,840 --> 00:53:18,799
Speaker 1: But when I felt guilty that we weren't able to

1103
00:53:18,880 --> 00:53:19,160
Speaker 1: do that.

1104
00:53:19,480 --> 00:53:21,719
Speaker 3: But what I think this is where shame and guilt

1105
00:53:21,800 --> 00:53:25,239
Speaker 3: get confused in that space. What were you doing wrong

1106
00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:27,040
Speaker 3: that was living outside of your value system?

1107
00:53:28,320 --> 00:53:30,959
Speaker 1: Well, nothing outside of my value system, but I still

1108
00:53:30,960 --> 00:53:33,480
Speaker 1: felt guilt like if it was my fault, then I

1109
00:53:33,520 --> 00:53:36,440
Speaker 1: felt guilty. But we didn't know. But yeah, so I

1110
00:53:36,480 --> 00:53:38,160
Speaker 1: put it on myself that it was my.

1111
00:53:38,160 --> 00:53:41,840
Speaker 3: Fault, yeah, versus because I'm thinking about.

1112
00:53:41,640 --> 00:53:43,560
Speaker 1: It, because there are people that do have the fertility

1113
00:53:43,600 --> 00:53:46,200
Speaker 1: doctor say, actually it is your body, like some women

1114
00:53:46,239 --> 00:53:48,719
Speaker 1: are like it, but you're a philopium tubes or it's

1115
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:51,480
Speaker 1: your whatever, and then or the guy it's like, it's

1116
00:53:51,520 --> 00:53:56,400
Speaker 1: your sperm situation, you know, so somebody may have that situation.

1117
00:53:56,520 --> 00:53:58,880
Speaker 1: We were left in the unknown, so at times I

1118
00:53:58,880 --> 00:54:02,960
Speaker 1: felt that guilt of life been married me and now

1119
00:54:03,280 --> 00:54:05,640
Speaker 1: I if he had married somebody else, maybe he could

1120
00:54:05,640 --> 00:54:08,120
Speaker 1: have gotten the baby.

1121
00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:11,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, but you're creating a whole story, I know. Yeah,

1122
00:54:11,960 --> 00:54:16,479
Speaker 4: but don't we do that even Yeah, And also because

1123
00:54:16,520 --> 00:54:20,640
Speaker 4: I'm thinking about myself in this too. Patrick and I

1124
00:54:20,719 --> 00:54:23,000
Speaker 4: are trying to conceive and it's not been the easiest

1125
00:54:23,080 --> 00:54:26,040
Speaker 4: road and it is because of something with my body.

1126
00:54:26,280 --> 00:54:29,440
Speaker 4: But I didn't do anything to like, I didn't do anything.

1127
00:54:29,480 --> 00:54:33,120
Speaker 4: I just was born into this body and the world

1128
00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:36,680
Speaker 4: works in mysterious ways, and I have this thing. And

1129
00:54:36,760 --> 00:54:41,359
Speaker 4: I noticed myself apologizing to him. I'm saying, I'm really

1130
00:54:41,360 --> 00:54:43,440
Speaker 4: sorry because of the things that we've had to do,

1131
00:54:43,520 --> 00:54:48,800
Speaker 4: like it's not been as fun and like even silly

1132
00:54:48,840 --> 00:54:50,759
Speaker 4: things or I'm like he used to go test his

1133
00:54:50,880 --> 00:54:52,759
Speaker 4: firm and we were just like laughing about it, like

1134
00:54:52,760 --> 00:54:55,120
Speaker 4: I'm sorry you have to do that. That's really awkward, right,

1135
00:54:55,239 --> 00:54:57,520
Speaker 4: And I'm sorry that I have to pay for this

1136
00:54:57,600 --> 00:55:00,800
Speaker 4: doctor's appointment. And then I was like he was, it's okay.

1137
00:55:00,840 --> 00:55:02,400
Speaker 4: And then I had to have that moment of like,

1138
00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:04,479
Speaker 4: no offense, but why am.

1139
00:55:04,360 --> 00:55:07,440
Speaker 3: I apoliciazing to you? Because I didn't do anything.

1140
00:55:07,480 --> 00:55:10,720
Speaker 4: And that's where I can sit in the humility part,

1141
00:55:10,920 --> 00:55:14,040
Speaker 4: which it feels wrong to say shame but healthy shame.

1142
00:55:14,360 --> 00:55:16,279
Speaker 4: I can sit in the humility part that says like,

1143
00:55:16,640 --> 00:55:19,080
Speaker 4: I am very limited. There are things that are limited

1144
00:55:19,120 --> 00:55:22,520
Speaker 4: about me, and I need extra help, So I need

1145
00:55:22,560 --> 00:55:25,719
Speaker 4: extra doctor's appointments or I need like I made my

1146
00:55:25,760 --> 00:55:27,759
Speaker 4: mom come with me to a doctor's appointment the other

1147
00:55:27,840 --> 00:55:29,719
Speaker 4: day because I didn't want to go by myself, Like

1148
00:55:29,840 --> 00:55:33,560
Speaker 4: I need help. And that actually is in a weird way,

1149
00:55:33,600 --> 00:55:38,200
Speaker 4: bringing me closer together to people than pulling me farther apart.

1150
00:55:38,600 --> 00:55:41,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we want to be there for you. I

1151
00:55:41,680 --> 00:55:44,000
Speaker 1: know your mom wanted to be by your side no

1152
00:55:44,080 --> 00:55:46,040
Speaker 1: matter what, and Patrick wants to be there, and your friends,

1153
00:55:46,080 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 1: like we want to rally around or if you ever

1154
00:55:48,160 --> 00:55:50,719
Speaker 1: need to text me, invent to me about how this

1155
00:55:50,760 --> 00:55:53,360
Speaker 1: feels like a chore. Yeah, like I get that, Like

1156
00:55:53,440 --> 00:55:57,040
Speaker 1: it feels like, well, you're like the romantic part of it,

1157
00:55:58,239 --> 00:56:01,359
Speaker 1: you're taking away for your relationship. Yeah, it's like, hey,

1158
00:56:02,280 --> 00:56:03,000
Speaker 1: but I know a lot.

1159
00:56:02,960 --> 00:56:03,920
Speaker 3: Of people go through this.

1160
00:56:04,000 --> 00:56:05,719
Speaker 1: It's like, Okay, I just check the calendar or I

1161
00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:07,960
Speaker 1: just took this test and looks like we need to

1162
00:56:07,960 --> 00:56:11,720
Speaker 1: do it at two o two pm? Can you be here?

1163
00:56:12,080 --> 00:56:15,000
Speaker 1: And it feels very mechanical and then less like.

1164
00:56:16,760 --> 00:56:17,400
Speaker 3: Whoopsie.

1165
00:56:17,600 --> 00:56:21,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think that's also where I was saying earlier,

1166
00:56:21,440 --> 00:56:24,640
Speaker 4: maybe you were feeling sadness or fear, and that's where

1167
00:56:24,680 --> 00:56:25,239
Speaker 4: I had to.

1168
00:56:25,400 --> 00:56:28,360
Speaker 3: Be, like, I'm why am I apologizing to you? I

1169
00:56:28,400 --> 00:56:30,680
Speaker 3: actually don't feel guilt about this. I was.

1170
00:56:31,000 --> 00:56:32,680
Speaker 4: I think I've been living in a world that has

1171
00:56:33,080 --> 00:56:35,239
Speaker 4: set me up to think that I'm supposed to so

1172
00:56:35,280 --> 00:56:38,640
Speaker 4: I automatically went there. But really, I'm really sad that

1173
00:56:38,920 --> 00:56:41,440
Speaker 4: has to be this way, because you want to just

1174
00:56:41,440 --> 00:56:45,839
Speaker 4: be like, oh, whoopsie, you got present and I there's fear,

1175
00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:48,480
Speaker 4: like we have no idea what's going to happen, and

1176
00:56:48,520 --> 00:56:50,479
Speaker 4: with you, it sounds like there could have been fear.

1177
00:56:50,680 --> 00:56:51,719
Speaker 3: You didn't know what was going on.

1178
00:56:52,880 --> 00:56:55,440
Speaker 1: Oh so many unknowtes I mean, and it started to

1179
00:56:55,480 --> 00:57:01,680
Speaker 1: take a toll on our relationship. And then eventually we

1180
00:57:01,719 --> 00:57:03,560
Speaker 1: decided to go to the adoption route. But even with that,

1181
00:57:03,719 --> 00:57:07,319
Speaker 1: I was on board with that before Ben, and then

1182
00:57:07,360 --> 00:57:09,840
Speaker 1: he kind of had this aha moment where he's like, Yeah,

1183
00:57:10,200 --> 00:57:14,080
Speaker 1: this could be really beautiful and it's obviously what God

1184
00:57:14,120 --> 00:57:17,720
Speaker 1: had in store for us. So I see that now,

1185
00:57:18,120 --> 00:57:21,600
Speaker 1: like looking back, Yeah, when you're in it, it's really

1186
00:57:21,600 --> 00:57:23,520
Speaker 1: hard to see. But It's like we've talked before about

1187
00:57:23,560 --> 00:57:26,040
Speaker 1: the mosaic, like we can't see everything. We can't see

1188
00:57:26,040 --> 00:57:29,440
Speaker 1: the big picture. We're looking at the up close piece

1189
00:57:29,440 --> 00:57:32,920
Speaker 1: of the tile. And the more we get to step back,

1190
00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:35,960
Speaker 1: little by little, we get to see the beautiful piece

1191
00:57:35,960 --> 00:57:38,040
Speaker 1: of art, which is our lives.

1192
00:57:38,240 --> 00:57:40,560
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, and something to remember.

1193
00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:44,480
Speaker 4: And obviously I have to remind myself this too, is

1194
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:46,680
Speaker 4: just because you didn't get what you wanted doesn't mean

1195
00:57:47,040 --> 00:57:51,440
Speaker 4: you got nothing. And I think that is helpful in

1196
00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:54,000
Speaker 4: the moment, Like, in the moment, I'm not getting what

1197
00:57:54,080 --> 00:57:56,240
Speaker 4: I want, but it doesn't mean I have nothing.

1198
00:57:56,520 --> 00:57:58,600
Speaker 3: I have so there's so many other parts of my

1199
00:57:58,680 --> 00:58:04,520
Speaker 3: life I can lean into. And then also in retrospect,

1200
00:58:04,560 --> 00:58:06,160
Speaker 3: you can look as like, just because I didn't get

1201
00:58:06,280 --> 00:58:10,160
Speaker 3: what I originally wanted, doesn't mean I didn't get anything. Look,

1202
00:58:10,400 --> 00:58:12,200
Speaker 3: I do have this family, I do have kids, and

1203
00:58:12,240 --> 00:58:13,000
Speaker 3: I do have a career.

1204
00:58:14,720 --> 00:58:17,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to reach across the chair and hug you.

1205
00:58:17,560 --> 00:58:19,840
Speaker 4: Well, I noticed that I'm starting tearing up, and then

1206
00:58:19,920 --> 00:58:23,200
Speaker 4: you started tearing up, and I was like, oh, yeah.

1207
00:58:23,040 --> 00:58:26,960
Speaker 1: We're we can't move. We're on a set because we're

1208
00:58:27,000 --> 00:58:31,240
Speaker 1: on YouTube. Yeah, so don't move anything because we're on

1209
00:58:31,280 --> 00:58:33,560
Speaker 1: our set, but maybe we need to what do they

1210
00:58:33,600 --> 00:58:37,760
Speaker 1: call that in and you break the fourth wall?

1211
00:58:38,360 --> 00:58:39,400
Speaker 3: Which what does that really mean?

1212
00:58:39,600 --> 00:58:43,480
Speaker 1: Well, behind the scenes, like they would be we'd be

1213
00:58:43,560 --> 00:58:46,080
Speaker 1: breaking the fourth wall, like they get to see like

1214
00:58:46,160 --> 00:58:47,960
Speaker 1: some of the behind the scenes is not like the

1215
00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:51,920
Speaker 1: perfect like curated shot. Oh yeah, so maybe we're just like,

1216
00:58:53,040 --> 00:58:55,640
Speaker 1: screw this setup that we've done perfectly.

1217
00:58:55,720 --> 00:58:57,840
Speaker 3: Shannon would not like bring in the other camera that

1218
00:58:57,920 --> 00:58:58,840
Speaker 3: shows everything.

1219
00:58:59,320 --> 00:59:04,880
Speaker 1: I know, everything's like taped perfectly, so we know exactly okay. Yeah, which,

1220
00:59:04,920 --> 00:59:08,120
Speaker 1: speaking of Shannon, she says, breaking the fourth wall in film,

1221
00:59:08,160 --> 00:59:10,800
Speaker 1: theater or television means that a character acknowledges or directly

1222
00:59:10,800 --> 00:59:13,440
Speaker 1: addresses the audience, breaking the illusion that the audience is

1223
00:59:13,480 --> 00:59:16,320
Speaker 1: not present. Oh so that would be like that. Oh

1224
00:59:16,360 --> 00:59:19,479
Speaker 1: so that's like in the office when they look at

1225
00:59:19,760 --> 00:59:22,080
Speaker 1: the camera and start talking to the audience. So I

1226
00:59:22,080 --> 00:59:22,680
Speaker 1: had that wrong.

1227
00:59:22,720 --> 00:59:25,960
Speaker 3: We are breaking the fourth well, I guess when we're

1228
00:59:26,000 --> 00:59:29,120
Speaker 3: like hey, we're like hey, YouTube, that's breaking the fourth wall.

1229
00:59:29,320 --> 00:59:32,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, Or maybe it would be like if I look

1230
00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:35,640
Speaker 1: directly into the camera and I'm like cat just started crying,

1231
00:59:37,400 --> 00:59:40,160
Speaker 1: you like narrack what's happening, and you let them in

1232
00:59:40,400 --> 00:59:42,360
Speaker 1: because the people may not have picked up on that

1233
00:59:42,360 --> 00:59:44,160
Speaker 1: that you were emotional.

1234
00:59:44,240 --> 00:59:50,320
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, it's like she's usually laughing and perky.

1235
00:59:50,480 --> 00:59:56,520
Speaker 3: And then she just like fumbled over her words and yeah,

1236
00:59:56,760 --> 00:59:58,680
Speaker 3: cat like I zoomed into her eyeball.

1237
00:59:59,320 --> 01:00:02,800
Speaker 1: Well yeah, so yeah, we've got cryocat running the cameras

1238
01:00:02,840 --> 01:00:05,520
Speaker 1: and then Shannon's in here helping with us. Okay, so

1239
01:00:05,760 --> 01:00:08,440
Speaker 1: Shannon is sending examples a character looking directly into the

1240
01:00:08,480 --> 01:00:10,640
Speaker 1: camera and commenting on the plot. Oh, that would be

1241
01:00:10,680 --> 01:00:12,880
Speaker 1: like that, like you you could look into the camera

1242
01:00:12,920 --> 01:00:13,440
Speaker 1: and be like.

1243
01:00:13,520 --> 01:00:16,200
Speaker 3: And then she points out her fertility calendar.

1244
01:00:16,760 --> 01:00:21,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, or you could clarify to reiterate Amy is not

1245
01:00:21,520 --> 01:00:22,520
Speaker 1: a sociopath.

1246
01:00:22,960 --> 01:00:26,800
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, are you asking me to do that? Obviously,

1247
01:00:26,880 --> 01:00:29,240
Speaker 4: she's not a sociopath or a psychopath. I can say

1248
01:00:29,240 --> 01:00:32,040
Speaker 4: that with utmost certainty. And I don't know a lot

1249
01:00:32,080 --> 01:00:32,520
Speaker 4: of things.

1250
01:00:33,240 --> 01:00:37,120
Speaker 1: I do know that you're a licensed therapist.

1251
01:00:36,000 --> 01:00:37,960
Speaker 3: But okay, there are a lot of things I don't know.

1252
01:00:38,160 --> 01:00:39,320
Speaker 3: That's better.

1253
01:00:40,120 --> 01:00:42,880
Speaker 1: I do know that a character speaking directly to the

1254
01:00:42,920 --> 01:00:44,360
Speaker 1: audience is if they are part of the scene, and

1255
01:00:44,360 --> 01:00:47,600
Speaker 1: then a character acknowledging the audience's presence or the fact

1256
01:00:47,600 --> 01:00:49,720
Speaker 1: that they are watching a short movie. We've been doing that,

1257
01:00:49,840 --> 01:00:51,480
Speaker 1: like the yeah, we're like if you're new here.

1258
01:00:51,960 --> 01:00:59,280
Speaker 4: I was watching a reunion of a reality show and

1259
01:00:59,480 --> 01:01:03,160
Speaker 4: they said breaking the fourth wall. They were talking about

1260
01:01:03,200 --> 01:01:04,960
Speaker 4: how like the produce they were giving an info about,

1261
01:01:05,000 --> 01:01:06,520
Speaker 4: like the producers doing something.

1262
01:01:06,560 --> 01:01:08,520
Speaker 3: They're like not to break the fourth wall, but like

1263
01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:11,600
Speaker 3: so and so was filming and dea da da da

1264
01:01:11,680 --> 01:01:13,600
Speaker 3: da and like giving like behind the scenes.

1265
01:01:13,720 --> 01:01:15,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I feel like that falls under that.

1266
01:01:15,240 --> 01:01:17,120
Speaker 3: It's like it's not as curated. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I

1267
01:01:17,160 --> 01:01:17,600
Speaker 3: thought it was.

1268
01:01:17,800 --> 01:01:19,760
Speaker 1: Yes, bringing in like another camera that gives you a

1269
01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:21,360
Speaker 1: different angle of the whole thing. Like you're saying, like,

1270
01:01:21,400 --> 01:01:22,400
Speaker 1: if I were to be able to give you a

1271
01:01:22,480 --> 01:01:24,240
Speaker 1: hug right now, that wouldn't be on part of the

1272
01:01:24,240 --> 01:01:26,600
Speaker 1: show because you don't hear a hug. But I guess

1273
01:01:26,640 --> 01:01:29,920
Speaker 1: if they brought in a camera and saw me hugging you. Yeah,

1274
01:01:29,960 --> 01:01:43,960
Speaker 1: but right now I'm just gonna like pretend hug. I

1275
01:01:44,000 --> 01:01:47,040
Speaker 1: do have my dirty shirt metaphor, Oh yeah, I like that,

1276
01:01:47,080 --> 01:01:50,120
Speaker 1: so that we can we can close with the metaphor.

1277
01:01:50,120 --> 01:01:55,120
Speaker 1: It's called the dirty shirt. Imagine you're wearing a white

1278
01:01:55,120 --> 01:02:01,400
Speaker 1: shirt and you spill coffee on it. Guilt says Ugh,

1279
01:02:02,080 --> 01:02:06,000
Speaker 1: I spilled coffee on my shirt. That was clumsy. I

1280
01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:09,400
Speaker 1: should be more careful. Next time you see the mess,

1281
01:02:09,680 --> 01:02:12,120
Speaker 1: you feel bad and want to clean it up. It's

1282
01:02:12,160 --> 01:02:17,280
Speaker 1: about the action. Shame says, of course, I spilled coffee.

1283
01:02:17,560 --> 01:02:21,600
Speaker 1: I am such a mess. I ruin everything. And this

1284
01:02:21,840 --> 01:02:24,320
Speaker 1: is the cousin. That's why they're the dramatic cousin, because

1285
01:02:24,320 --> 01:02:26,600
Speaker 1: now it's not about just the shirt being dirty. You

1286
01:02:27,240 --> 01:02:29,680
Speaker 1: feel like the mess. It's no longer about the shirt.

1287
01:02:29,720 --> 01:02:30,920
Speaker 1: It's about your identity.

1288
01:02:31,080 --> 01:02:33,040
Speaker 3: Well, and there's also what do you do with that?

1289
01:02:33,720 --> 01:02:36,360
Speaker 4: So Gil's like, I should I'm gonna be more careful

1290
01:02:36,360 --> 01:02:38,040
Speaker 4: next time. I'm gonna take a shut out of there,

1291
01:02:38,040 --> 01:02:41,040
Speaker 4: because I sometimes that word can be frustrating.

1292
01:02:41,400 --> 01:02:43,680
Speaker 1: I also think before we move on to the shame

1293
01:02:43,720 --> 01:02:47,400
Speaker 1: part under Gil, I think we should also celebrate when

1294
01:02:47,400 --> 01:02:50,600
Speaker 1: we handle something like that. Well, I didn't spill coffee

1295
01:02:50,600 --> 01:02:53,680
Speaker 1: on my shirt yesterday, but I spilt an entire like

1296
01:02:53,720 --> 01:02:56,160
Speaker 1: I've got my macha here. You see, I'm breaking the

1297
01:02:56,160 --> 01:03:02,640
Speaker 1: fourth wall. This is my I snatch. Oh, that probably

1298
01:03:02,680 --> 01:03:05,960
Speaker 1: sounded so gross in the mic. I used to hate

1299
01:03:06,000 --> 01:03:08,400
Speaker 1: when my mom would swallow because hereditarily, I have a

1300
01:03:08,440 --> 01:03:10,000
Speaker 1: really loud swallow. It's not my fault.

1301
01:03:10,200 --> 01:03:12,360
Speaker 3: My mom's Okay, you blame a lot of stuff on

1302
01:03:12,360 --> 01:03:16,360
Speaker 3: your mom, this scam mean you said that she liked it.

1303
01:03:16,560 --> 01:03:19,840
Speaker 1: Yes, well, there's just a product of my environment and

1304
01:03:19,920 --> 01:03:23,439
Speaker 1: my t is kidding. But I have a really loud

1305
01:03:23,480 --> 01:03:28,360
Speaker 1: swallow And I just made a fresh macha yesterday and

1306
01:03:28,800 --> 01:03:32,640
Speaker 1: I was going up the stairs and I trip over

1307
01:03:32,680 --> 01:03:37,320
Speaker 1: the stairs and I spill the macha everywhere. And I

1308
01:03:37,360 --> 01:03:42,640
Speaker 1: think in unhealthier times, I would have probably lost it

1309
01:03:42,680 --> 01:03:45,280
Speaker 1: and then like h which I mean, who knows could

1310
01:03:45,280 --> 01:03:47,440
Speaker 1: be a toss up hormonally if I were to respond

1311
01:03:47,480 --> 01:03:50,000
Speaker 1: that way. But I was really really proud of myself.

1312
01:03:49,640 --> 01:03:52,400
Speaker 3: That I just was like silly me.

1313
01:03:53,360 --> 01:03:56,200
Speaker 1: I was like, gosh, now I'm gonna have to go

1314
01:03:56,280 --> 01:03:59,280
Speaker 1: make another one, and I sort of like skip to

1315
01:03:59,320 --> 01:04:01,760
Speaker 1: the kitchen, I got my cleaning things, I put on

1316
01:04:01,840 --> 01:04:05,680
Speaker 1: more haul water to make a fresh one, and I

1317
01:04:05,720 --> 01:04:07,640
Speaker 1: went and I cleaned it up. Yeah, and it was

1318
01:04:07,760 --> 01:04:13,280
Speaker 1: so much easier, Like the recovery time was so fast,

1319
01:04:13,960 --> 01:04:14,439
Speaker 1: and I.

1320
01:04:14,560 --> 01:04:17,000
Speaker 4: Just there would be no recovery if you it was shame,

1321
01:04:17,040 --> 01:04:19,000
Speaker 4: It would be like I don't even deserve macha.

1322
01:04:19,560 --> 01:04:23,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, Or I could have just been like, oh stupid,

1323
01:04:25,240 --> 01:04:28,320
Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't say we could it up, but

1324
01:04:28,440 --> 01:04:30,680
Speaker 1: you know, I could have lost it, which I think

1325
01:04:30,680 --> 01:04:32,200
Speaker 1: it's okay if you want to get like mad in

1326
01:04:32,200 --> 01:04:35,760
Speaker 1: a second. But something about that yesterday I just had

1327
01:04:35,840 --> 01:04:40,640
Speaker 1: this like, huh, great experience, and I want to acknowledge

1328
01:04:40,680 --> 01:04:43,760
Speaker 1: that I did celebrate it, because I think it's important

1329
01:04:44,600 --> 01:04:49,600
Speaker 1: that we celebrate those moments when we handle something in

1330
01:04:49,640 --> 01:04:51,680
Speaker 1: a way that's more breezy and it doesn't get us

1331
01:04:51,680 --> 01:04:55,640
Speaker 1: all riled up because then there's a snowball effect that happens,

1332
01:04:56,320 --> 01:04:58,200
Speaker 1: and then who knows the next thing that would have happened,

1333
01:04:58,240 --> 01:05:00,760
Speaker 1: because now my feathers are ruffled, and I'm just gonna

1334
01:05:00,800 --> 01:05:03,760
Speaker 1: keep being irritated. And you know, but it's like, Okay,

1335
01:05:03,800 --> 01:05:07,480
Speaker 1: I spell my machia, nobody will guess. I'me go have

1336
01:05:07,480 --> 01:05:08,360
Speaker 1: to make me another one.

1337
01:05:08,560 --> 01:05:08,960
Speaker 3: Dang it.

1338
01:05:09,080 --> 01:05:11,240
Speaker 1: Good thing I have more left. Yeah, I can make

1339
01:05:11,280 --> 01:05:13,920
Speaker 1: another one, because some people might spill their macha and

1340
01:05:13,960 --> 01:05:18,040
Speaker 1: not have any left to make. So celebrate those moments

1341
01:05:18,040 --> 01:05:20,320
Speaker 1: that you find yourself doing that, and then also have

1342
01:05:20,400 --> 01:05:21,680
Speaker 1: grace for the times where you're.

1343
01:05:21,560 --> 01:05:23,080
Speaker 3: Like, it takes a little longer.

1344
01:05:23,160 --> 01:05:24,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, it takes a little longer.

1345
01:05:24,120 --> 01:05:28,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, this happened today, so you're gonna be you might

1346
01:05:28,040 --> 01:05:31,800
Speaker 4: be shocked by this. But I've been making eggs, not

1347
01:05:31,800 --> 01:05:32,480
Speaker 4: for myself.

1348
01:05:32,680 --> 01:05:35,280
Speaker 1: Okay, you're cooking them without vomiting.

1349
01:05:34,960 --> 01:05:38,240
Speaker 4: Cooking them, yes, and I breaking the fourth fall for

1350
01:05:38,240 --> 01:05:41,440
Speaker 4: those that don't know this, I can't stand eggs, but

1351
01:05:41,840 --> 01:05:46,360
Speaker 4: I do like making breakfast for my husband. And I

1352
01:05:46,400 --> 01:05:48,960
Speaker 4: was like, okay, that'd be easy, and la la la la,

1353
01:05:49,440 --> 01:05:50,800
Speaker 4: and I do like to cook, even though I'm not

1354
01:05:50,840 --> 01:05:53,080
Speaker 4: the best cook. Well, I've never really made eggs before

1355
01:05:53,600 --> 01:05:55,520
Speaker 4: because well, I made them for an next boyfriend and.

1356
01:05:55,480 --> 01:05:57,560
Speaker 3: He always would be like, oh these are gross, these

1357
01:05:57,560 --> 01:06:00,400
Speaker 3: are too wet, or these are two. He was not nice.

1358
01:06:00,680 --> 01:06:02,440
Speaker 4: So I haven't made eggs in like eight years and

1359
01:06:02,440 --> 01:06:04,560
Speaker 4: that was the only time I'd ever made them.

1360
01:06:04,840 --> 01:06:06,560
Speaker 3: So I was like, Patri, I'm gonna make you eggs.

1361
01:06:07,840 --> 01:06:11,520
Speaker 4: And this we made an omelet I think yesterday, and

1362
01:06:11,640 --> 01:06:14,280
Speaker 4: he helped me. And then today I said, I'm gonna

1363
01:06:14,280 --> 01:06:17,040
Speaker 4: do about myself. You go get ready, I'm doing myself.

1364
01:06:17,040 --> 01:06:20,680
Speaker 4: I don't need your help. Well, eggs cook so fast,

1365
01:06:21,920 --> 01:06:24,240
Speaker 4: like I'm sure everybody's like, yeah, the.

1366
01:06:26,800 --> 01:06:29,920
Speaker 1: I thought I had like time, how much time?

1367
01:06:31,720 --> 01:06:32,800
Speaker 3: Okay, not like.

1368
01:06:33,400 --> 01:06:36,480
Speaker 4: Ten minutes, but I was like, okay, I have time, right,

1369
01:06:36,680 --> 01:06:38,840
Speaker 4: Like put the ingredients. I was making a fancy omelet

1370
01:06:39,000 --> 01:06:41,520
Speaker 4: onions had Pepper's, I'd spin a dread bacon, put all

1371
01:06:41,520 --> 01:06:42,640
Speaker 4: this stuff in cheese.

1372
01:06:42,840 --> 01:06:44,360
Speaker 3: I was like, oh no, I gotta get the cheese.

1373
01:06:44,400 --> 01:06:45,120
Speaker 3: And by the time I.

1374
01:06:45,080 --> 01:06:49,480
Speaker 4: Flipped over it was pretty burt Yeah, and Patrick d

1375
01:06:49,520 --> 01:06:52,440
Speaker 4: it anyway, But what I could have done has been like,

1376
01:06:52,600 --> 01:06:53,840
Speaker 4: I'm so stupid.

1377
01:06:53,960 --> 01:06:54,720
Speaker 3: I'm an idiot.

1378
01:06:55,040 --> 01:06:57,960
Speaker 4: You shouldn't love me, Like I probably wouldn't been that dramatic,

1379
01:06:58,000 --> 01:06:59,920
Speaker 4: but I could have had a version of God, I

1380
01:07:00,000 --> 01:07:03,400
Speaker 4: can even make eggs. I'm so dumb, Like why why

1381
01:07:03,440 --> 01:07:06,440
Speaker 4: am I even trying? Or that guy was right, I

1382
01:07:06,480 --> 01:07:07,280
Speaker 4: do suck at this?

1383
01:07:07,640 --> 01:07:09,000
Speaker 1: You mean your your ex boyfriend?

1384
01:07:09,120 --> 01:07:12,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, But instead I'm like Patrick, I think I need

1385
01:07:12,040 --> 01:07:12,959
Speaker 4: your help one more time.

1386
01:07:13,760 --> 01:07:17,600
Speaker 3: So that's where it's like shame, the toxic shame. Doesn't

1387
01:07:17,640 --> 01:07:18,360
Speaker 3: this is my eggs.

1388
01:07:18,520 --> 01:07:20,640
Speaker 1: But I do also have like a question for you,

1389
01:07:20,960 --> 01:07:24,920
Speaker 1: like I get Patrick's getting ready, right, So what about Google?

1390
01:07:26,040 --> 01:07:28,280
Speaker 1: If you okay, It's like I don't think I needed

1391
01:07:28,280 --> 01:07:31,960
Speaker 1: to google it, like Google, like how to make an omelet?

1392
01:07:32,480 --> 01:07:32,880
Speaker 3: Google?

1393
01:07:33,280 --> 01:07:34,560
Speaker 1: I just or do you have.

1394
01:07:34,920 --> 01:07:35,320
Speaker 3: I don't know.

1395
01:07:35,360 --> 01:07:38,080
Speaker 4: My first thought is I guess my first thought is like,

1396
01:07:38,280 --> 01:07:39,960
Speaker 4: I'm going to ask somebody else to help me before

1397
01:07:39,960 --> 01:07:42,240
Speaker 4: if he's available.

1398
01:07:41,920 --> 01:07:44,160
Speaker 1: Okay, welly no, but Hughes, you were like, I got this,

1399
01:07:44,240 --> 01:07:46,200
Speaker 1: go get ready, but.

1400
01:07:46,120 --> 01:07:48,840
Speaker 4: You if you couldn't, if you couldn't be there to

1401
01:07:48,880 --> 01:07:49,200
Speaker 4: help me, I.

1402
01:07:49,160 --> 01:07:52,840
Speaker 3: Would probably do obviously. Yeah, but because he is there.

1403
01:07:52,680 --> 01:07:54,120
Speaker 4: That I'm like, can you help me learn this a

1404
01:07:54,120 --> 01:07:56,320
Speaker 4: couple more times before I'm out on my own with

1405
01:07:56,360 --> 01:07:56,880
Speaker 4: the omelet?

1406
01:07:57,040 --> 01:07:59,400
Speaker 3: And he was like, yeah, of course.

1407
01:08:00,200 --> 01:08:02,400
Speaker 4: So where I can lead it to him his gift

1408
01:08:02,480 --> 01:08:05,960
Speaker 4: of egg making, I don't know. But that's the difference

1409
01:08:05,960 --> 01:08:10,360
Speaker 4: of where guilt can actually lead us somewhere toxic shame

1410
01:08:11,400 --> 01:08:13,840
Speaker 4: cuts us and I would never make him another omelet.

1411
01:08:14,720 --> 01:08:16,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're not going to give up.

1412
01:08:17,360 --> 01:08:19,040
Speaker 3: I'll update you guys.

1413
01:08:19,320 --> 01:08:22,719
Speaker 1: You're gonna be like online clean, that's gonna hear new hobby,

1414
01:08:24,520 --> 01:08:28,880
Speaker 1: that on something. Cat's gonna be like, come to my kitchen.

1415
01:08:29,000 --> 01:08:30,599
Speaker 1: You can make pottery. I'll do your nails, and I'll

1416
01:08:30,600 --> 01:08:31,240
Speaker 1: make you an omelet.

1417
01:08:32,720 --> 01:08:34,360
Speaker 4: The one thing I won't do is an over easy

1418
01:08:34,360 --> 01:08:36,519
Speaker 4: egg where they're like Gilley, oh I.

1419
01:08:36,479 --> 01:08:38,880
Speaker 1: Love a runny egg, you know. I wonder how many

1420
01:08:38,880 --> 01:08:42,240
Speaker 1: people have like an egg story, because I feel like eggs,

1421
01:08:43,479 --> 01:08:46,280
Speaker 1: they're such a staple in people's lives that I wonder

1422
01:08:46,479 --> 01:08:50,479
Speaker 1: if you just take that one thing like egg, and

1423
01:08:50,479 --> 01:08:52,880
Speaker 1: what's a story in your life that comes to mind?

1424
01:08:53,360 --> 01:08:57,120
Speaker 1: Like you have your boyfriend that was awful. He was

1425
01:08:57,200 --> 01:08:59,320
Speaker 1: awful by the way, he was terrible. Glad you're not

1426
01:08:59,360 --> 01:09:00,920
Speaker 1: with him. Awful off awful.

1427
01:09:01,320 --> 01:09:01,759
Speaker 3: Uh.

1428
01:09:02,439 --> 01:09:06,160
Speaker 1: I have my boyfriend from college that I'm pretty sure

1429
01:09:06,160 --> 01:09:07,960
Speaker 1: he broke up with me because of the time I

1430
01:09:08,200 --> 01:09:12,479
Speaker 1: threw a fit over Oh yeah, I wanted egg whites

1431
01:09:13,720 --> 01:09:16,519
Speaker 1: and he made me like that this was not me.

1432
01:09:16,920 --> 01:09:21,799
Speaker 1: It was my eating disorder. Yeah, and my eating disorder.

1433
01:09:22,560 --> 01:09:27,160
Speaker 1: We'll call her Bridget. Oh perfect, sounds like a good name.

1434
01:09:27,640 --> 01:09:35,320
Speaker 1: Bridget was a real b Bridget was high maintenance, and

1435
01:09:35,520 --> 01:09:41,160
Speaker 1: she wanted egg whites particular. And when Bridget got eggs

1436
01:09:41,160 --> 01:09:44,120
Speaker 1: scrambled with the yolk in it, what is she to

1437
01:09:44,200 --> 01:09:47,720
Speaker 1: do because the yolk has fat And now I'm like,

1438
01:09:47,800 --> 01:09:49,519
Speaker 1: give me the yolk, like I want the yolk, like

1439
01:09:49,560 --> 01:09:50,400
Speaker 1: I want all things.

1440
01:09:50,760 --> 01:09:55,400
Speaker 3: I just can't stop thinking about. Say, yok yok, yok yolk.

1441
01:09:56,240 --> 01:09:59,280
Speaker 1: But that that would be a story that comes to mind.

1442
01:09:59,280 --> 01:10:00,760
Speaker 1: From me, and then you you had your egg thing,

1443
01:10:00,760 --> 01:10:02,920
Speaker 1: and now you have the omelet thing. And I wonder if,

1444
01:10:02,960 --> 01:10:04,880
Speaker 1: like you just take that simple thing, if you're like,

1445
01:10:05,000 --> 01:10:08,800
Speaker 1: here's an egg, now, everybody, share your traumatic story.

1446
01:10:09,160 --> 01:10:11,640
Speaker 4: Start a group therapy exercise, and past the egg and

1447
01:10:11,680 --> 01:10:12,840
Speaker 4: tell us what it brings up for you.

1448
01:10:13,840 --> 01:10:19,639
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess you're holding the egg. And then now

1449
01:10:19,680 --> 01:10:22,840
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, I'm a woman, and I only I'm

1450
01:10:22,880 --> 01:10:26,240
Speaker 1: only born with a certain amount of eggs. Yeah, and

1451
01:10:26,240 --> 01:10:30,840
Speaker 1: then they slowly start dying off. I wonder, like, I

1452
01:10:31,160 --> 01:10:33,160
Speaker 1: speaking of that basketball game I went to with with

1453
01:10:33,200 --> 01:10:36,560
Speaker 1: my boyfriend after the track met on Friday, there was

1454
01:10:36,600 --> 01:10:38,040
Speaker 1: a still teeny tiny baby there.

1455
01:10:38,080 --> 01:10:38,960
Speaker 3: It was so cute.

1456
01:10:40,040 --> 01:10:42,800
Speaker 1: It was the most precious little baby. Like we were

1457
01:10:42,800 --> 01:10:44,360
Speaker 1: trying to figure out, how do you think that baby is.

1458
01:10:45,640 --> 01:10:48,000
Speaker 1: I don't know, she may be fresh out of the hospital.

1459
01:10:48,479 --> 01:10:50,240
Speaker 1: But I was impressed at the mom and the dad

1460
01:10:50,240 --> 01:10:53,439
Speaker 1: being there to support their other child. Meanwhile, I was thinking,

1461
01:10:53,479 --> 01:10:55,439
Speaker 1: I barely went to my son's track me and here

1462
01:10:55,479 --> 01:10:59,959
Speaker 1: they are with this new baby. And I was obsessed.

1463
01:11:00,320 --> 01:11:01,760
Speaker 1: And I looked at my boyfriend and I was like,

1464
01:11:02,000 --> 01:11:03,920
Speaker 1: does that make you want to have a baby? And

1465
01:11:03,960 --> 01:11:08,040
Speaker 1: he was like no, and I was like, yeah, me neither,

1466
01:11:09,360 --> 01:11:10,720
Speaker 1: But it really did. It made me want to have

1467
01:11:10,760 --> 01:11:13,200
Speaker 1: a baby. I mean not necessarily. I'm not saying with

1468
01:11:13,360 --> 01:11:16,640
Speaker 1: him or that I'm gonna, but I do wonder sometimes

1469
01:11:17,280 --> 01:11:19,360
Speaker 1: and then I quickly tell myself, you don't want a baby,

1470
01:11:19,400 --> 01:11:20,800
Speaker 1: like you don't want to change diapers. But that's a

1471
01:11:20,840 --> 01:11:23,679
Speaker 1: narrative I gave myself Whenever Ben and I were switching

1472
01:11:23,680 --> 01:11:26,920
Speaker 1: to adoption and then especially adopting older kids, we were like,

1473
01:11:27,000 --> 01:11:29,160
Speaker 1: we don't want to which we really felt called to

1474
01:11:29,200 --> 01:11:32,040
Speaker 1: do that, like we felt like this is something we

1475
01:11:32,080 --> 01:11:34,439
Speaker 1: want to do, and we would joke like, well, at

1476
01:11:34,479 --> 01:11:37,360
Speaker 1: least now we don't have to change diapers. Now we've

1477
01:11:37,360 --> 01:11:39,840
Speaker 1: had to deal with other things that might make me

1478
01:11:39,880 --> 01:11:45,800
Speaker 1: want to change the diapers. But you know, that's just

1479
01:11:45,800 --> 01:11:49,400
Speaker 1: something I wonder if I do to quickly make myself

1480
01:11:49,439 --> 01:11:51,280
Speaker 1: think I don't want to have a baby, like oh,

1481
01:11:51,360 --> 01:11:53,439
Speaker 1: you don't want to deal with all that newborn stuff

1482
01:11:53,479 --> 01:11:56,920
Speaker 1: and no sleep, And it helps, Yeah, it helps me

1483
01:11:56,960 --> 01:12:00,720
Speaker 1: not feel so I immediately did that little trick. I'm like, oh,

1484
01:12:00,800 --> 01:12:02,200
Speaker 1: baby's divers love.

1485
01:12:02,040 --> 01:12:08,760
Speaker 3: It, and like maybe you don't want to do that, and.

1486
01:12:06,720 --> 01:12:09,000
Speaker 1: And I want that cute, little tiny baby, like I

1487
01:12:09,040 --> 01:12:11,439
Speaker 1: do not know these people, and I wanted to be like,

1488
01:12:11,479 --> 01:12:14,840
Speaker 1: can I hold your baby? Which I would never say that,

1489
01:12:14,880 --> 01:12:18,320
Speaker 1: but I wanted to. It was so cute. I'm like,

1490
01:12:18,439 --> 01:12:24,320
Speaker 1: enter that baby into a concourver because it was so cute. Okay,

1491
01:12:24,960 --> 01:12:27,320
Speaker 1: all right. Oh, Shannon has a.

1492
01:12:27,280 --> 01:12:27,760
Speaker 3: Note for us.

1493
01:12:27,880 --> 01:12:30,799
Speaker 1: Cooking a basic omelet typically takes three to six minutes,

1494
01:12:30,840 --> 01:12:33,960
Speaker 1: depending on your stovetop and desired level of doneness. You

1495
01:12:33,960 --> 01:12:35,599
Speaker 1: should flip it after the first minute.

1496
01:12:35,880 --> 01:12:38,960
Speaker 3: Oh definitely didn't do that. I didn't.

1497
01:12:39,000 --> 01:12:41,760
Speaker 4: Okay, Well, now I know I'll up at you. I'll

1498
01:12:41,760 --> 01:12:42,960
Speaker 4: send you a picture of my omelet.

1499
01:12:43,160 --> 01:12:47,280
Speaker 1: All right, Well, we hope y'all are having happy day

1500
01:12:47,439 --> 01:12:50,120
Speaker 1: you need to have. We'll see you on Thursday for

1501
01:12:50,200 --> 01:12:53,479
Speaker 1: couch Talks. We love hearing from y'all. Email us, Hey

1502
01:12:53,479 --> 01:12:57,880
Speaker 1: there at couch Talks. Nope, Hey there at Feeling Things.

1503
01:12:59,040 --> 01:13:01,120
Speaker 1: It's hey there at Feeling Things podcast dot com.

1504
01:13:01,760 --> 01:13:04,160
Speaker 4: Also, I was gonna say for the people that we're

1505
01:13:04,200 --> 01:13:09,080
Speaker 4: getting emails about the newsletter, I will if you email us,

1506
01:13:09,080 --> 01:13:12,479
Speaker 4: I will sign you up for the newsletter. And we're

1507
01:13:12,520 --> 01:13:14,320
Speaker 4: working on the Facebook group so you can find the

1508
01:13:14,360 --> 01:13:15,080
Speaker 4: sign up there.

1509
01:13:15,400 --> 01:13:19,000
Speaker 1: Yes, and there's a link tree in our Instagram at

1510
01:13:19,040 --> 01:13:21,160
Speaker 1: Feeling Things podcast where you can also sign up for

1511
01:13:21,280 --> 01:13:24,320
Speaker 1: the newsletter. But I know not everybody has Instagram Instagram.

1512
01:13:24,920 --> 01:13:26,799
Speaker 1: But yeah, we're gonna be everywhere. We're on TikTok.

1513
01:13:29,520 --> 01:13:30,439
Speaker 3: What's that funny?

1514
01:13:32,280 --> 01:13:38,760
Speaker 1: I just felt. I just felt old, We're on the

1515
01:13:38,800 --> 01:13:44,080
Speaker 1: tiki tegie, We're everywhere, even access to TikTok. We're on

1516
01:13:44,120 --> 01:13:49,360
Speaker 1: the TikTok, were on the we're on the Facebook, and

1517
01:13:49,439 --> 01:13:54,360
Speaker 1: we're on the newsletter and we have it a phone

1518
01:13:54,439 --> 01:13:59,160
Speaker 1: number email. Oh yeah, what's our phone number, Shannon? Nobody

1519
01:13:59,240 --> 01:14:01,160
Speaker 1: was calling it, and I was the thing like, I

1520
01:14:01,280 --> 01:14:05,960
Speaker 1: was like, we want people to feel comfortable calling. People

1521
01:14:06,080 --> 01:14:09,640
Speaker 1: are so comfortable emailing. Well, wouldn't it be fun to

1522
01:14:09,640 --> 01:14:10,560
Speaker 1: play a voicemail?

1523
01:14:10,800 --> 01:14:13,519
Speaker 3: Yeah, it would. I guess we did get.

1524
01:14:13,479 --> 01:14:15,880
Speaker 1: Some and I wanted to play them back. But I also,

1525
01:14:16,200 --> 01:14:19,840
Speaker 1: we're going to advance to the live calls. We're gonna

1526
01:14:19,840 --> 01:14:20,599
Speaker 1: do the live calls.

1527
01:14:20,680 --> 01:14:22,559
Speaker 3: Well, if nobody's leaving a message, then.

1528
01:14:23,080 --> 01:14:25,080
Speaker 1: I think people are more inclined to call and leave

1529
01:14:25,120 --> 01:14:25,840
Speaker 1: a message.

1530
01:14:26,000 --> 01:14:29,720
Speaker 4: Well, I would feel the opposite, just growing up in

1531
01:14:29,800 --> 01:14:34,240
Speaker 4: my generation is that if I don't have.

1532
01:14:34,200 --> 01:14:36,240
Speaker 3: To make a phone call, I'm not making a phone call.

1533
01:14:36,400 --> 01:14:39,200
Speaker 4: Okay, true, So I think that's where how a lot

1534
01:14:39,240 --> 01:14:41,760
Speaker 4: of people operate, so we're not used to it, Like

1535
01:14:41,760 --> 01:14:42,320
Speaker 4: maybe are.

1536
01:14:42,320 --> 01:14:45,000
Speaker 1: Their voice on them to me? We could do a

1537
01:14:45,040 --> 01:14:47,360
Speaker 1: voice changer, Yeah, we could.

1538
01:14:47,479 --> 01:14:50,000
Speaker 3: That would be fun, I think, yeah, I think that

1539
01:14:50,320 --> 01:14:52,720
Speaker 3: for the couch talks questions if people who want to

1540
01:14:52,720 --> 01:14:54,040
Speaker 3: be anonymous are definitely not want.

1541
01:14:53,960 --> 01:14:56,400
Speaker 1: To and then in the subject line, should they put

1542
01:14:56,439 --> 01:15:00,400
Speaker 1: couch talks. Yeah, that's helpful, I think yeah. We'll se

1543
01:15:00,479 --> 01:15:02,519
Speaker 1: y'all on Thursday for couch talks. Let me see if

1544
01:15:02,520 --> 01:15:04,600
Speaker 1: we have any other order of business.

1545
01:15:04,200 --> 01:15:10,600
Speaker 5: Here in your fancy the iPad on the iPad, on

1546
01:15:10,640 --> 01:15:14,040
Speaker 5: the iPad, so YouTube, check newsletter, check Instagram, check email

1547
01:15:14,120 --> 01:15:15,719
Speaker 5: us check how that you need to have check.

1548
01:15:16,920 --> 01:15:19,080
Speaker 1: I'm at Radio Amy and you are at kat van

1549
01:15:19,120 --> 01:15:23,760
Speaker 1: Buren and we'll see you on Thursday. Bye bye,