Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine.
Speaker 2: How's my Orca? Chelsea?
Speaker 3: Sunny and beautiful? Everything's going very well in my Orca.
Speaker 2: Who did you have this past week?
Speaker 1: I have my sisters and I have about five girlfriends.
Speaker 2: Oh that's wonderful.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's really nice. We've been having a really nice
Speaker 3: time together. I've been training everyone physically training.
Speaker 1: Oh oh yeah.
Speaker 3: I'm the age of my group when Ange is not
Speaker 3: around and is my lunatic friend for Whistler who runs
Speaker 3: marathons in three and a half hours.
Speaker 4: Truly, the amount of like e bike hours that we
Speaker 4: logged when we were there, and I only did like
Speaker 4: half of them, and I still logged play.
Speaker 1: I know, I know.
Speaker 3: But you know what I love about it being in
Speaker 3: my Orca is my thighs are so firm. They are
Speaker 3: so firm from riding my fucking bike all day long
Speaker 3: and exercising and walking up and down to the lighthouse.
Speaker 3: My legs almost get thicker, and I love the density
Speaker 3: I don't want.
Speaker 1: It's like when I ski a.
Speaker 3: Lot, my thighs get bigger, you know, So I'm just
Speaker 3: trying to keep my thighs big all year round for skiing.
Speaker 2: You know what they say, thick thighs save lives.
Speaker 1: Oh is that right? Okay, well I'm saving I've left
Speaker 1: and right with my thick thighs.
Speaker 4: I have been working out with a trainer and like,
Speaker 4: all she has me to do is squats, and my
Speaker 4: ass is like round and fantastic.
Speaker 2: Now, oh it's so hard.
Speaker 1: It takes two weeks to get your ass lifted.
Speaker 3: If you want to do get your ass lifted, all
Speaker 3: you do is but exercises for two weeks and your
Speaker 3: ass lifts. I never had an asking my sisters don't
Speaker 3: have asses. I am the only one who's cultivated one
Speaker 3: because I realized you could make one out of nothing,
Speaker 3: out of out of a pancake.
Speaker 2: Chelsea, I have a little dipsy doodle, a dipsy doo.
Speaker 4: So this is somebody who wrote in after our Jane
Speaker 4: Fonda episode. We had that email from Jen who had
Speaker 4: been a sex worker and was having trouble dating. And
Speaker 4: this is from Jill, who was also a sex worker.
Speaker 4: She says to your Chelsea, I'm a former stripper who
Speaker 4: met my husband in the strip club twenty years ago,
Speaker 4: and yes we're still together. I know two other women
Speaker 4: who met their husband and strip clubs and are still
Speaker 4: together because their relationships morphed over time. They picked people
Speaker 4: who could quote see who they were. I don't think
Speaker 4: these men are all that rare, because I've been out
Speaker 4: as a stripper throughout my and have had relationships with
Speaker 4: men who respect me all my life, in work and
Speaker 4: in friendship.
Speaker 2: Was it easy meeting a partner.
Speaker 4: No, But if you carry yourself with confidence and self assuredness,
Speaker 4: people will see that you demand respect. If anyone says
Speaker 4: anything out of line, read them. We all develop that
Speaker 4: skill on the job. Finding a good partner, in general
Speaker 4: is difficult. What are the key characteristics you want to
Speaker 4: find in a partner? Put those first. Don't be ashamed
Speaker 4: of your past, wear it like a badge of honor.
Speaker 4: Good you are resilient and amazing and have done it
Speaker 4: and then started your own business. I went on to
Speaker 4: make documentaries, write plays, screenplays, win awards doing that, and
Speaker 4: then became a boxer twenty fifteen National Golden Gloves Champion.
Speaker 4: My husband accepts and loves all those versions of me.
Speaker 4: You can find that too.
Speaker 5: Love it side.
Speaker 3: What a positive, optimistic note, fantastic.
Speaker 1: We have such fucking great listeners. That's awesome, and.
Speaker 4: It's great because if someone out there has had this
Speaker 4: very specific experience. There's somebody else out there who knows
Speaker 4: exactly how they feel. But anyway, should we get to
Speaker 4: today's a guest.
Speaker 3: Our guest today is a hilarious comedian who who's on
Speaker 3: tour right now and her new special Big Guy, debut
Speaker 3: in the top ten of Netflix, now streaming on Netflix.
Speaker 1: Please welcome Rachel Feinstein.
Speaker 3: Rachel, how excited are we that we're going to get
Speaker 3: to tour together?
Speaker 1: I know, I'm so excited to be in Hawaii. We're
Speaker 1: going to Hawaii together in July. Right, we're going to July.
Speaker 1: We're going to Honolulu and Maui.
Speaker 6: I can't wait for some Hawaii whoring. I know it's
Speaker 6: going to be amazing.
Speaker 3: I love I love to get my groove on in
Speaker 3: Hawaii because it's filled with my type of men.
Speaker 1: What's that.
Speaker 3: Large samoan, large samoan looking men. That's my type, hefty samoan.
Speaker 1: I had no idea.
Speaker 3: I like elderly men and large samoan type builds. I
Speaker 3: like that build for a friend or for a lover.
Speaker 3: I like a corpulent figure, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like I like while you're worth it.
Speaker 3: Thank you First, I want to congratulate you on your
Speaker 3: new special A Big Guy, which was just recently premiered
Speaker 3: on Netflix where everybody can stream it. Congratulations, Are you
Speaker 3: happy with your special? Did you love it?
Speaker 6: It was hard to watch myself, but now the worst. Yeah,
Speaker 6: it's hard.
Speaker 1: When I was.
Speaker 6: Editing it, I was just like, shut up, what if
Speaker 6: I ever needed to say? I kept screaming at myself
Speaker 6: and calling myself a pig. And I screamed that so
Speaker 6: much that I asked one of the producers if I
Speaker 6: could call the special America's Favorite Pig, and they said no,
Speaker 6: But I still think it would be a fun, loving
Speaker 6: name for a show.
Speaker 3: It would America's Favorite Pig is great, and I think
Speaker 3: you could have called it that. But I thank you, Shelsea. Yeah,
Speaker 3: why would Why would anyone stop that?
Speaker 1: That's up to you.
Speaker 3: It's like saying, I want to name my book America's
Speaker 3: Favorite Pig. What is they going to say? Like, No,
Speaker 3: that's not going to be popular maybe, but go for it.
Speaker 1: I had to watch.
Speaker 3: I was listening to a set of mine the other
Speaker 3: night because I did a bunch of new stuff, and
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, can you guys give me you know,
Speaker 3: the recording of that, and I was listening to it
Speaker 3: to it for less than two minutes before I was like,
Speaker 3: who fucking cares what I said. I cannot listen to
Speaker 3: this bitch for one more second. I want to close
Speaker 3: myself like a box when I listen. I'm like, what
Speaker 3: if you ever needed to get out there? Especially when
Speaker 3: I really use the stage and just kind of like
Speaker 3: saunter around.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I do that all the time. I saunter. I
Speaker 1: think it's better to use the stage.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 3: Zach Alifanakis once said to me, you have to use
Speaker 3: the stage as a comedian. And before he said that,
Speaker 3: I didn't walk around on stage, and I was like,
Speaker 3: what does he mean by that? And then I started
Speaker 3: walking around on stage. I'm like, I think this is
Speaker 3: more dynamic than just standing there like yeah, I don't
Speaker 3: want to just stand somewhere like you are talking. You
Speaker 3: would normally be moving around.
Speaker 6: So these are profound, core self esteem issues that I
Speaker 6: have and nothing else.
Speaker 3: What other self esteem issues do you want to work on?
Speaker 3: Let's get to it because I can help. What kind
Speaker 3: of bathing suit equipment do you think you'll be bringing
Speaker 3: to Hawaii?
Speaker 1: Rachel? When you mentioned on Instagram that I should wear
Speaker 1: a thong. I was like, no one needs that. I
Speaker 1: don't think I look good in the thong.
Speaker 3: No one should be wearing a thong. First of all,
Speaker 3: thongs are so disgusting. I don't even want to wear
Speaker 3: them myself. I don't even want to wear them as
Speaker 3: underwear anymore. It's too many, it's too problematic. There are
Speaker 3: too many things, like I have to phase out into
Speaker 3: a full panty. The problem with a full panty, though,
Speaker 3: is that when you wear very tight jeans, it flattens
Speaker 3: my ass. And I don't have a bulbous ass, so
Speaker 3: I need all the lift I can get. When I
Speaker 3: wear a full panty, it does a mush you know, yes.
Speaker 1: Me too.
Speaker 6: There's a sadness to a full panty. It smushes me.
Speaker 6: But a thong, no one needs that. I'd send somebody
Speaker 6: into a low grade depression. There's a real supply and demand.
Speaker 6: Is shoe with my dumb ass and its long?
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's not really.
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't really think that I've ever seen
Speaker 3: a thong and thought that looks good.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's hypothetically good, yeah, but no, yeah, I need
Speaker 6: like unless I'm like Paris filtered like Triple Paris filtered nobody,
Speaker 6: no one needs that at all. But I'm excited for Hawaii,
Speaker 6: Like that's something I need right now. Like I've been well,
Speaker 6: you've been hustling. Yeah, yeah, I've been hurling my body
Speaker 6: to every dumb place on the road, and I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 6: I need to lay still on a beach right right.
Speaker 3: Well, I know that your Special debut in the top ten,
Speaker 3: so that's very exciting, which means people are loving it.
Speaker 6: That was cool, And your DMS this in the last year,
Speaker 6: You're sending me a couple of messages about some dumb video.
Speaker 6: I like made my day, And I can't explain to
Speaker 6: you how much because you know, I mean, I've been
Speaker 6: doing stand up for what feels like seventy years, so
Speaker 6: I really feel like I'm just in the winter of
Speaker 6: my life right now. So the fact that I'm like,
Speaker 6: oh my god, okay, people watch it, I was just
Speaker 6: like didn't want it to get buried. So it felt
Speaker 6: really cool that like people are actually watching it now,
Speaker 6: and I'm like, I just want to start writing Uber
Speaker 6: blacks at least, you know, that's kind of my goal
Speaker 6: with this.
Speaker 1: Like it's been I did everything the.
Speaker 6: Long way, Like, I've been a road woman for a
Speaker 6: lot of years, so like I need this.
Speaker 1: Did you sleep with a lot of comics on the road?
Speaker 6: Just so much head Chelsea, There wasn't a moment I
Speaker 6: wasn't on my so much dick sucking.
Speaker 7: I know.
Speaker 3: That's where dick sucking really comes into its own. It's
Speaker 3: on the road.
Speaker 6: My whole family too. Yeah, just generations of Feinstein's just
Speaker 6: it's just really getting passed around just so that I
Speaker 6: can get this out.
Speaker 1: Generations of dick sucking.
Speaker 6: Wow, that's amazing, A long line of godless horse. My
Speaker 6: grandmother said when I was a very small girl, I
Speaker 6: never met a dick that I wasn't fond of, not one,
Speaker 6: not one dick.
Speaker 1: No, I don't know.
Speaker 6: I didn't have I wasn't good at any aspect of
Speaker 6: the business. There's no business left and silly to even
Speaker 6: say that, but whatever it was, I wasn't good at it.
Speaker 1: I was just on the road forever.
Speaker 6: So like it feels, I'm just hoping this helps and
Speaker 6: it like can can move some tickets for me changed
Speaker 6: my life a little bit.
Speaker 1: Right absolutely. Let's how how long have you been doing
Speaker 1: stand up? Really? Like twenty four five? Twenty five years.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I moved to New York when I was like
Speaker 6: seventeen with this guy and his bands called Dick's sister.
Speaker 6: And then I Dick's sister dumped me, and I stayed
Speaker 6: in New York and he kind of like undumped me
Speaker 6: and redumped me a few times, like I wasn't really
Speaker 6: taking the dump, and I would try to kind of
Speaker 6: hang near his house in Staten Island where he lived
Speaker 6: with the rest of his band. And then I just
Speaker 6: stayed here and started doing open mics and stuff and
Speaker 6: getting fired from different jobs first, and I felt like
Speaker 6: at best I was gonna be like homelessh if I
Speaker 6: didn't do this, you know, like there wasn't I wish
Speaker 6: I could have been one of those people that was
Speaker 6: like about to be a doctor. But I made this
Speaker 6: like noble choice to leave it all for the arts.
Speaker 6: But this was it, Like I was failed wildly in school.
Speaker 3: So yeah, and your husband's a fireman, which you talk
Speaker 3: about in the special.
Speaker 1: So he's an American hero.
Speaker 5: He is.
Speaker 6: He's a technical hero, but he infuriates me like he's
Speaker 6: an emotional desert but a fun loving guy, a good
Speaker 6: hang for sure. Yeah, firemen are great like for you
Speaker 6: could say anything to them. That's that's what works. He's
Speaker 6: my husband's almost like an accidental feminist, Like he he doesn't.
Speaker 1: Care what I do.
Speaker 6: I could I could be out doing whatever with stand out,
Speaker 6: like I could spend the night at some comics house,
Speaker 6: get passed around. No, but just really like just some
Speaker 6: platonic guy that doesn't even see me as a woman.
Speaker 6: But Pete wouldn't question that. He's just kind of like
Speaker 6: you're on your own. But if I ever explained what
Speaker 6: a feminist was to him, he probably thinks they're like
Speaker 6: Nazis or something like they run a little dumb in
Speaker 6: that way. But strangely enough, it took a fireman because
Speaker 6: every other guy like they got a kick out of
Speaker 6: what I did for like you know, like a week,
Speaker 6: and then they were like forget this, like she's working
Speaker 6: on Christmas or and Pete is working on Christmas. So
Speaker 6: it's kind of like he gets the life. And they
Speaker 6: have their thing and in a weird way like firefighting,
Speaker 6: Like they have a kitchen table where they hang and
Speaker 6: when you walk in as a regular person, you can
Speaker 6: feel the chemicals in the room change and it feels like,
Speaker 6: you know, like at the cellar when a normal person
Speaker 6: we call them civilians, which is hilarious, but like when
Speaker 6: a normal person walks into the room, like you can
Speaker 6: feel that whole energy change in the room. Like ah,
Speaker 6: like somebody will a comic said this recently. They're like, oh,
Speaker 6: he brought his like civilian girlfriend and she had to
Speaker 6: sit at the table. But it's kind of similar, like
Speaker 6: and he has that weird world that we have, so
Speaker 6: there's not really any envy there. And comics and firemen
Speaker 6: like they don't want anything the other one has. So
Speaker 6: he's a pretty good hang with comics. He doesn't try
Speaker 6: to be funny, like he's a good laugher, you know,
Speaker 6: he doesn't step on anything they're trying to do, So
Speaker 6: it strangely like works.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what about your child? How long have you had
Speaker 1: your child?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 1: My god, where is she?
Speaker 6: She is four years old. I have a little kid,
Speaker 6: So you've had her for four years? Is that kind
Speaker 6: of for four years?
Speaker 1: That is cool?
Speaker 3: How how is motherhood going for you as a comedian,
Speaker 3: as a working woman, late night working woman, it's hard.
Speaker 6: I feel like I'm not pulling anything off completely, But
Speaker 6: I have a lot of female comic friends and I
Speaker 6: still relate to comedians more than like regular moms, you know.
Speaker 6: So like I'm on like a chat with Rosebud and
Speaker 6: Whitney and other other comic moms that kind of like
Speaker 6: help each other with weird tips on how to do it.
Speaker 1: Michelle Wolf has a kid.
Speaker 6: I was just talking with her at the Seller last night,
Speaker 6: so that helps me try to like figure it all out.
Speaker 1: I'm not in any way pulling it off.
Speaker 6: Like just before we got on this zoom, I bribed
Speaker 6: my daughter with like a series of things. There was
Speaker 6: just so that she wouldn't walk in this room, like
Speaker 6: there was a bribe, and then there's like a threat
Speaker 6: of a bribe.
Speaker 1: To being taken away.
Speaker 6: I'm like, I'll give you this, and if you walk
Speaker 6: in here, I'll take this away, which I call it thrive.
Speaker 6: So there's like a series of like hard negotiations that
Speaker 6: went on before I brought that random teenager in here
Speaker 6: to do the audio. So I'm not pulling anything off,
Speaker 6: but I feel like she kind of at this point
Speaker 6: she's not I'm not a scheduled person. She's grown up,
Speaker 6: half in a firehouse, like half on the road with me,
Speaker 6: so like she's kind of not she's not expecting that,
Speaker 6: like she knows.
Speaker 1: She looks at me like she can tell I'm not
Speaker 1: in charge of anything. Yeah, that's how I felt growing up.
Speaker 3: I knew my parents had no say Like I was like,
Speaker 3: this is you guys are not making decisions around here,
Speaker 3: Like I'll come in hot and take over.
Speaker 1: I think it's good to know.
Speaker 3: I mean because first of all, nothing bad comes from
Speaker 3: a girl, especially that grows up a little faster.
Speaker 1: I think that's always yields good results. Yeah, you know what,
Speaker 1: I agree with you. Yeah, shake it out.
Speaker 3: You shake out your naughtiness when you're younger, and then
Speaker 3: by the time you're like in your twenties.
Speaker 6: You're overall that well maybe thirty. I completely agree with
Speaker 6: you because I was a really bad kid. I did
Speaker 6: acid when I was like thirteen, like every week again,
Speaker 6: I had like an appointment to do acid with like
Speaker 6: six of my friends.
Speaker 1: And I mean we were just deep pigs.
Speaker 6: We would go up on like some sign in this
Speaker 6: neighborhood and just moon people in the area. We're like, oh,
Speaker 6: we're mooning now, Like we had our asses out all
Speaker 6: the time.
Speaker 1: We were always doing drugs.
Speaker 6: And then by the time I was like seventeen, and
Speaker 6: moved to New York with dumb Dick's sister. I was like, yeah,
Speaker 6: I'd done all the kind of ridiculousness I'd gotten out
Speaker 6: of my system, and I was able to like focus
Speaker 6: a little more on like stand up. I do think
Speaker 6: it's those kids that like really run a tight ship
Speaker 6: in high school then they start their real problematic horring
Speaker 6: later on or drug use or whatever.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree with that. Better to get the horror
Speaker 3: out soon, early, early, getting rid of the horror early
Speaker 3: so that you can really start to thrive in your
Speaker 3: twenties and thirties.
Speaker 1: For sure.
Speaker 6: Yes, I was definitely like a I was a problem.
Speaker 6: I know somebody that knows you. He said you were
Speaker 6: very cool. He grew up in Jersey near you. He
Speaker 6: said you were always cool and could kind of like
Speaker 6: hang from young, Like you seemed like a comic at
Speaker 6: the table very young. Were you like hanging with a
Speaker 6: group of guys or like what was your high school situation?
Speaker 1: Who knows?
Speaker 3: I mean, I in my mind, I was in high
Speaker 3: school when I was born, Like I was trapped in
Speaker 3: a baby's body and I felt like a woman the
Speaker 3: minute I was born, and all I wanted to do was.
Speaker 1: Woman, be a woman. I was like, when can I
Speaker 1: get be a woman?
Speaker 3: Like? That was my favorite line to say, Like soon
Speaker 3: I'll be a woman and you won't be able to
Speaker 3: tell me.
Speaker 1: What to do. I know what you mean, because, like
Speaker 1: I love.
Speaker 6: I used to love the show when I was a
Speaker 6: little kid called Moonlighting because I loved office tension. I
Speaker 6: was like, I want to grow up one day and
Speaker 6: have sexual tension in office. Those were my goals, if
Speaker 6: totally totally.
Speaker 1: First of all, working in an office.
Speaker 3: When you were watching Moonlighting, working in an office seemed sexy.
Speaker 3: You were like, Oh, that's that's sexy, like an office
Speaker 3: job with these skirts. I'll wear skirts and heels and
Speaker 3: then I'll fuck my colleague.
Speaker 1: Like it was so fun, right, so fun. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: played this game.
Speaker 6: I talked about it in like my first half hour
Speaker 6: many years ago. But I used to play this game
Speaker 6: with my Catholic friend. I wanted to be Catholic so bad.
Speaker 6: I just wanted one of those names that like oh
Speaker 6: rachel O, f Einstein or some shit.
Speaker 1: And we would play this.
Speaker 6: Game where she would throw me on the bed and
Speaker 6: we worked in office. Her name is Harry Company, she
Speaker 6: was the boss, and we would play this game in
Speaker 6: her dad's office, like he had no idea where were
Speaker 6: playing this weird horring game in his office. And she
Speaker 6: would go like, Chrissy, get me my brief that I'd
Speaker 6: be like, I'm doing the best I can, mister company.
Speaker 6: My kids just get confused. I think that was all
Speaker 6: for Moonlighting. It was very much like a porn Yeah.
Speaker 3: I know porn's were not dissimilar to those programs. I
Speaker 3: guess maybe because it was set in the same timeframe.
Speaker 3: But there is a lot of porn represented, like foreign
Speaker 3: like Vibes, and it shows like Moonlighting and what was
Speaker 3: that other h not Dallas and Santa Barbara and Barbara
Speaker 3: was awesome.
Speaker 1: That was a soap opera though. That was the day. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I once tried to call Kelly Capwell directly because I
Speaker 3: was so obsessed with Robin Wright that I looked up
Speaker 3: Kelly Capwell. I was so young, I didn't understand that
Speaker 3: was a character's name, and I looked her up in
Speaker 3: the phone book in Santa Barbara and called someone named
Speaker 3: Kelly Capwell.
Speaker 1: I was obsessed with that bitch.
Speaker 3: Gorgeous, the most beautiful family of all time.
Speaker 6: The actress's name is Marcy Walker. I was completely and
Speaker 6: utterly obsessed with her. I would just like hump a
Speaker 6: pillow and pretend it was cruise that like hot Latin cop. Also,
Speaker 6: they were sending so many weird messages with that show
Speaker 6: because something happened to her, like she was like assaulted
Speaker 6: or something, and then she was always on this bed
Speaker 6: getting extra attention from men at post assault, Like I.
Speaker 1: Didn't know what that was. She was like trying.
Speaker 3: She had like a concussion for like nine weeks or whatever,
Speaker 3: like ninety weeks soapapera the that time where you know
Speaker 3: you've been kidnapped three times in between that time. But
Speaker 3: she was like lying in bed every episode so she
Speaker 3: could go just basically to set her up for more
Speaker 3: sexual assaults. And we're tuning in like we can't wait
Speaker 3: to see it. We're like, when when's it gonna happen next?
Speaker 6: She was so sick, and she was always kind of
Speaker 6: dewey and hot and just everything. I wasn't just like
Speaker 6: blonde and fucking like straight silky blonde. I wanted to
Speaker 6: be her, And she was always laying on that bed
Speaker 6: and then this hot cop would just keep coming back
Speaker 6: and tending to her.
Speaker 1: I'm like this is the life I want. I'm ordering
Speaker 1: this life.
Speaker 6: I want to lay on some kind of bed and
Speaker 6: snack on it and just have somebody avenging something on
Speaker 6: my behalf and.
Speaker 1: Have your husband avenge of fire. Why can't he amage
Speaker 1: my husband?
Speaker 6: You don't want to go missing for weeks before he
Speaker 6: would look for me. It's like he's not jealous to
Speaker 6: like such a problematic point. I've tried to make him jealous,
Speaker 6: and he's like, yeah, he could give a shit, like
Speaker 6: it would be somebody could make a suit out of
Speaker 6: my skin and he wouldn't follow up. He's very anal
Speaker 6: neat about like how stuff Like I feel like if
Speaker 6: I was missing, he'd be emptying the dishwasher first, like
Speaker 6: he'd finished emptying the dishwasher.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: He CA's non plussed by everything. That's the word for it,
Speaker 3: nonplussed when you have no reaction, although it also says
Speaker 3: it's also the opposite of having no reaction. It's having
Speaker 3: no reaction and having the opposite of no reaction. I'm like,
Speaker 3: isn't that two different artists antonyms?
Speaker 1: What the fuck are you talking about?
Speaker 3: That's what I do though, in my spare time, I
Speaker 3: look words up in the dictionary to understand why I
Speaker 3: can't speak clearly or correctly.
Speaker 1: On that note, we're going to take a break and
Speaker 1: we'll be right back this week.
Speaker 2: We'd love to hear about your conundrums with parents.
Speaker 4: If there's something you're working through with a parent or
Speaker 4: need some help navigating a relationship issue, right into Dear
Speaker 4: Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3: And we're back with Rachel Feinstein, whose new special is
Speaker 3: called Big Guy, Big Guy. Ask my husband's nickname for you. Yeah,
Speaker 3: he calls you big guy. Your husband calls you big guy.
Speaker 1: He does. Would you consider yourself the man of the house?
Speaker 6: No, but I think he might. I mean, he just
Speaker 6: doesn't know how to compliment a woman. He's like just
Speaker 6: worthless romantically. He gave me, Chelsea, I'm not making this up,
Speaker 6: a fifty dollars Amazon gift card for my birth like
Speaker 6: fifty bucks. And you know, there was a moment where
Speaker 6: he was like seventy five and then he was.
Speaker 1: Like, nah, fifty not for her. Fifty feels right.
Speaker 3: My driver once told me it was her birthday. I said,
Speaker 3: what did you get Carolyn? He said, I'm just going
Speaker 3: to give her some cash chill. I was like, no, no, no,
Speaker 3: you're not, you fucking idiot. Yeah, his wife Cash, I
Speaker 3: was like, Billy, pull over, we need to talk.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're an idiot.
Speaker 6: Nothing makes me more delighted than when you trash men
Speaker 6: for their nonsense. It's like my specific brand of what
Speaker 6: delights me more than anything else.
Speaker 1: When you call men to.
Speaker 6: Task on their utter horseshit, it makes me so happy.
Speaker 6: Cash is somehow worse than Amazon gift card. It's worse.
Speaker 6: It's dumber.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like, do I work for you? Understand? Is
Speaker 1: that a tip? What is that?
Speaker 6: The thing is that he lives with men at a
Speaker 6: house for half his fucking life. Like he doesn't come
Speaker 6: back smarter from this house he lives at. It's so
Speaker 6: not hot. Men are so good at being not hot,
Speaker 6: you know what I mean. It's like, that's not hot.
Speaker 6: Do I need to explain to you that that's not hot?
Speaker 1: Okay? What do we have? What do we have in
Speaker 1: store for us? Catherine?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 2: So many things.
Speaker 7: Well.
Speaker 4: Our first email comes from Richie. Richie says, Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 4: I'm not sure whether or not I should be upset
Speaker 4: with my partner. We've been together for over three years
Speaker 4: and currently have a house together and two dogs. Our
Speaker 4: lives are very intertwined, and while I love him and.
Speaker 1: Care very why could you fucking live together? This is
Speaker 1: a weird thing to mention.
Speaker 4: You're right, clearly, we spent a lot of time together,
Speaker 4: but some things from our past have come up recently.
Speaker 4: While chatting with a mutual friend, I learned that in
Speaker 4: our first year of dating, he didn't take us very
Speaker 4: seriously and was constantly hitting on and flirting with other people.
Speaker 4: I would like to believe he isn't anymore, especially since
Speaker 4: he's been honest about how he was in the first
Speaker 4: year of dating. But since I'm just finding out about it,
Speaker 4: I'm feeling betrayed and honestly pissed. But we're a couple
Speaker 4: literally a couple of years removed from this. So do
Speaker 4: I have a right to be upset about it? Do
Speaker 4: I need to just move on and accept?
Speaker 1: I like this question. That is interesting. Question is interesting
Speaker 1: because that would piss me off.
Speaker 3: Retroactively finding out that something happened when miss me.
Speaker 1: That's just that's just the kind of recipe that would
Speaker 1: piss me.
Speaker 6: Also, I also feel like admitting to something and admitting
Speaker 6: to just a little bit of what you actually did.
Speaker 6: That is like one tried and true tactic of a
Speaker 6: lifelong liar, Like I've been wildly cheated on, just like
Speaker 6: an insane, unimaginable shit that I was like, wait a second,
Speaker 6: I would ask this question to her, is he jealous?
Speaker 6: Because I do feel like the most jealous guys are
Speaker 6: often cheating. And the guy that I remember, I've dated
Speaker 6: a guy that was always always in my internet history.
Speaker 6: Every time I would go away, he would accuse me
Speaker 6: of all manner of things, and you know, like as
Speaker 6: a comic on the road, I'm doing nothing but just
Speaker 6: laying still with throbbing loneliness after my shows, like I'm
Speaker 6: just laying in bed as alone as I've ever been
Speaker 6: in Des Moines. And he was inside of someone. Every
Speaker 6: time I was out of town, Like I got an
Speaker 6: email with the dates of the other other girl he
Speaker 6: was fucking. She's like I was with them from two
Speaker 6: twelve to two fourteen email. Yeah, yeah, And he was
Speaker 6: very jealous and whenever I would come home, he would
Speaker 6: accuse me of all kinds of insane things. I remember
Speaker 6: he used to chase me around the apartment with my laptop.
Speaker 6: I would try to pull it back from him. And
Speaker 6: he would make these wild like noises. He'd be like,
Speaker 6: how like these Howard d criest chill, But my lap's
Speaker 6: up in the freezer. For some reason, I was used
Speaker 6: to this too, Like I was like, Oh, he's probably
Speaker 6: gonna make a left here dad to the freezer.
Speaker 1: And he was always kind of jogging over there.
Speaker 6: I was like, I didn't suck a stick stick and
Speaker 6: that he was putting the laptop in the freezer, and
Speaker 6: you know, it was jis constant. He was always accusing
Speaker 6: me of some insanity and he was doing it. So
Speaker 6: my only I have no idea if this guy is
Speaker 6: still cheating or not, or what he's up to, but
Speaker 6: I do feel like it's one of the signs. Is
Speaker 6: he extremely jealous and suspicious of you? And if he isn't,
Speaker 6: I feel like there's less likely it's less likely that
Speaker 6: he's cheating.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what are they asking? Do they have a right
Speaker 1: to be mad?
Speaker 8: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I will, I do. I think you can kind of
Speaker 1: be mad.
Speaker 3: A year is a long time to be hitting on
Speaker 3: other people while you're like supposedly in a relationship, or
Speaker 3: maybe they weren't in a relationship.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: It sounds like they were I like the question. I
Speaker 2: don't really have a good answer.
Speaker 4: I feel like three months you got to like cut
Speaker 4: off the flirting with other people, like there's some there
Speaker 4: could be some overlap, but like a year was too long.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I think that's good advice. It doesn't sound idea.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so like be pissed, but maybe don't break up
Speaker 2: with them.
Speaker 1: Well, definitely don't. Don't not acknowledge it.
Speaker 3: You you can, you don't have to break up with him,
Speaker 3: but you have to make sure he knows that you
Speaker 3: know that and that that's not cool and you're upset.
Speaker 1: You have every right to be upset about that.
Speaker 2: Make him make it up to you. I think a
Speaker 2: couple of nice baths, a couple of nice dinners.
Speaker 1: A bath, that's not going to make anything up. I
Speaker 1: h yeah, yeah.
Speaker 6: A friend of mine is starting dating this guy that
Speaker 6: that draws her baths.
Speaker 3: Think you were going to say that drew her a bath,
Speaker 3: is what you were going to say. I was going
Speaker 3: to say, yeah, you should go for it, she drew
Speaker 3: her a bath.
Speaker 1: I think, go to college. I went to fucking Dick's sister.
Speaker 1: What do you want?
Speaker 6: I was going to say that, but a friend of
Speaker 6: mine was dating guy for many years. Then their courtship
Speaker 6: started by him drawing her bath, and I think that's disgusting.
Speaker 2: Started like they were friends and he drew her a bath.
Speaker 6: And then he started turning the baths water on like
Speaker 6: when they were Yeah, yeah, and I think this is
Speaker 6: so strange.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 6: She said that like a few months into their friendship
Speaker 6: he would just kind of like turn on a bath
Speaker 6: and be like, hey, and that was how we kind
Speaker 6: of like pulled her in fucked her.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's and then they would fuck in the bath.
Speaker 3: I think he is really like to have sex and
Speaker 3: baths or water.
Speaker 2: It's because it's.
Speaker 3: Confusing because you think the water will also serve as
Speaker 3: a lubricant and that's not.
Speaker 1: What works all. No, it's kind of frantic. It's like
Speaker 1: a lot of sexy situations. It's actually very it sounds
Speaker 1: like a very dry situation.
Speaker 6: Ironically, in a in a pool of water. Yeah, he
Speaker 6: would draw her a bath and then he.
Speaker 1: Would bathe her for months. Oh no, and that's unacceptable. No, No,
Speaker 1: it's not. Nobody's bathing me.
Speaker 2: Try me math, get the fuck out.
Speaker 7: Well.
Speaker 4: Our next collor is Ali and Alie says, Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 4: my husband and I moved away from home about four
Speaker 4: years ago. We recently had a baby and have decided
Speaker 4: to move closer to family and friends, as we both
Speaker 4: work remotely and could use some interaction with other people.
Speaker 4: We're about an hour's drive away from family. My husband's
Speaker 4: family obviously missed us, and his mom from time to
Speaker 4: time can be a bit much. However, my mom is
Speaker 4: next level. Prior to me being pregnant, we never really talked,
Speaker 4: as she was kind of a crappy parent. I'm having
Speaker 4: a ton of anxiety about being closer to her, and
Speaker 4: when we lift eleven and a half hours away, it's
Speaker 4: been easy to keep her at arm's length, but now
Speaker 4: she texts, calls, sends videos, etc. Multiple times a day.
Speaker 4: When I say it's too much, she doesn't listen and says, well,
Speaker 4: I'm the mom or grandma and I'll do whatever I want.
Speaker 4: Then she proceeds to act like a toddler or spread
Speaker 4: gossip through my family. She's the kind of person that
Speaker 4: works in customer service but yells at waiters every time
Speaker 4: we go out to eat. I'm wondering how to navigate
Speaker 4: this relationship without blowing up. So she can see her
Speaker 4: granddaughter every time I see her. After ten minutes, I'm
Speaker 4: going crazy. Help Allie.
Speaker 3: Oh sorry, Allie. That sounds like a fucking nightmare. Another
Speaker 3: reason to never get married. Yeah, that's not good.
Speaker 6: She sounds like a pretty I mean, she sounds like
Speaker 6: a pretty unbearable twat. But I think you're I don't know,
Speaker 6: trying to do the right thing by letting her have
Speaker 6: access to your child. But I feel like it's less
Speaker 6: as little as you can have to do with those plans,
Speaker 6: the better, Like do it like have her take care
Speaker 6: be with the kid the week you're going away, a
Speaker 6: week you're going you know, horring in Hawaii? Ever take
Speaker 6: care of the kid that weekend?
Speaker 1: Do you have any plans to whr in Hawaii coming up?
Speaker 5: Not as it right now?
Speaker 3: Okay, Well obviously that can change in a minute. Anything
Speaker 3: can change in an instant. So what has been You're like,
Speaker 3: when you've tried to put up like a boundary with
Speaker 3: her before, what has happened?
Speaker 8: He basically says no, or she ignores it and will
Speaker 8: text me like the next week and say so can
Speaker 8: I come this week? Like just ignores the whole thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I find that to be incredibly annoying. People who don't
Speaker 3: listen to you when you're setting up a boundary. So
Speaker 3: I think you have to have like a more formal
Speaker 3: conversation with her about it, just for your own sanity,
Speaker 3: like it, don't worry about how she's going to react
Speaker 3: to it, because people end up respecting boundaries in the
Speaker 3: long term, they just don't like them in the beginning,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. So it works, And so
Speaker 3: you're going to protect your like mental health and and
Speaker 3: the health of your family because you don't want to
Speaker 3: be fucking annoyed at her all the time. But you
Speaker 3: have to be firm because she's not used to have
Speaker 3: anyone telling her that there is a boundary.
Speaker 1: It's one hundred percent true.
Speaker 6: Also, I feel like the thing with people that don't
Speaker 6: respect boundaries is that when you draw them, it's this
Speaker 6: big lead up to saying something, and it's not that
Speaker 6: big of a deal at all, because first of all,
Speaker 6: they might not even listen to it, to which you
Speaker 6: have to double down on it. But that moment isn't
Speaker 6: that big because like they don't care, like they're used
Speaker 6: to bulldozing through those things. So the very least you
Speaker 6: can do, like this is the beginning of a longer
Speaker 6: stretch you have to go through with her. At the
Speaker 6: very least, just say something and be it clear. When
Speaker 6: you're that ludicrous, when you're acting that insanely, like this
Speaker 6: person has been told this many times before, you're not
Speaker 6: you know what I mean? This isn't like, so don't
Speaker 6: worry about that.
Speaker 1: Just say it.
Speaker 6: Yeah, just say it, say it quick, say it fast,
Speaker 6: and say it in as few words as possible. I
Speaker 6: feel like that's true for everything. I always over explain, apologize, defend.
Speaker 6: Somebody told me this recently, Like justify, apologize. There's like
Speaker 6: some acronym I'm forgetting, but defend. I think it's jade
Speaker 6: or something. And try not to do any of those things.
Speaker 6: And say it in as few words as possible in
Speaker 6: a text or talk to your friend. Before you talk
Speaker 6: to her, know exactly what you to say and nothing extra.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and hold your ground, you know what I mean, Like,
Speaker 3: don't say it and then get scared and run away,
Speaker 3: Like say it, hold your ground. Machine understands that you
Speaker 3: mean business like, maintain eye contact and be firm. You
Speaker 3: have every right to do that for yourself. It doesn't
Speaker 3: have to be like a big deal. Exactly what Rachel's saying,
Speaker 3: it's just like you standing up for yourself, You're gonna
Speaker 3: feel really good afterward and you might have to tell
Speaker 3: her again, but that's okay.
Speaker 1: Just practice advocating for yourself.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I really like that advice. I think to like
Speaker 8: just holding my ground. I like to eye contact too,
Speaker 8: and not just like.
Speaker 3: Or I get crazy eyes so they get really fucking
Speaker 3: scared and then they're like, all right, all right, all right,
Speaker 3: I won't.
Speaker 1: Fucking bother you.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I need a guy for a while that, Like,
Speaker 6: his mom was just upset about absolutely everything about me,
Speaker 6: and a lot of the things about me were just
Speaker 6: things that were never going to change, things that she
Speaker 6: thought I would find insulting, like that I'm not domestic
Speaker 6: or that I'm not clean. I'm like, tell me a
Speaker 6: better story, bitch, Like I'm I I've been a pig
Speaker 6: my whole life. Like, and she was like, you know,
Speaker 6: just kind of making these passive aggressive comments about what
Speaker 6: I didn't do around the house, and I'm like, that's
Speaker 6: not You could say a lot of things that will
Speaker 6: immediately hurt me, but I'm like, and I learned to
Speaker 6: just say to her very directly, oh I'm not going
Speaker 6: to do that. I'm never going to do that. She'd like,
Speaker 6: you know what you should do? You should, you know,
Speaker 6: start gardening. I'm like, oh, that's not going to happen.
Speaker 6: That's not going to occur. I would say it then,
Speaker 6: like the dumbest, simplest way possible. And I felt like
Speaker 6: she like she just kind of stopped after a while,
Speaker 6: like she would come over and clean so much, like
Speaker 6: in front of me to piss me off.
Speaker 1: But I was like, no, that's helpful.
Speaker 6: I had a friend over one since she was doing it,
Speaker 6: and he was like, if you want to get behind
Speaker 6: the couch.
Speaker 1: She was comic.
Speaker 6: He's like, if you want to get behind the couch,
Speaker 6: she just get that corner right there, like he was
Speaker 6: directing her.
Speaker 1: So I feel like I feel like with people like that, like.
Speaker 6: Yeah, as direct as you could ever be, and she
Speaker 6: wants what you have, like she wants access to that kid,
Speaker 6: you know what I'm saying. So, like, you're in control
Speaker 6: in this situation when we're more vulnerables, when we don't
Speaker 6: need something, you need very little except to be left alone.
Speaker 2: Is your partner somebody who can tolerate being around your.
Speaker 8: Mom for a short amount of times? Yes, but he
Speaker 8: is a lot more comfortable being direct with her. So
Speaker 8: maybe I just like kind of follow his lead because
Speaker 8: he does do that and it does work. She does
Speaker 8: listen to him.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, is this your mom or his mom?
Speaker 5: This is my mom?
Speaker 2: I go fucking tell her.
Speaker 1: To fucking back off.
Speaker 3: Then I was thinking this is his mom the whole time.
Speaker 3: I'm like, no, you tell your mother to fucking stop it.
Speaker 3: She doesn't get to overrule you. You're an adult woman
Speaker 3: now with your own kids.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, that's what I tried.
Speaker 8: I've recently tried being like I'm not asking, I'm telling,
Speaker 8: So I'm just gonna stick to that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you have to be very firm with your own mother.
Speaker 6: I didn't realize that either, that if it's until just now.
Speaker 6: I was laid to that party too, But yeah, if
Speaker 6: it's your own mom.
Speaker 8: Yeah, it flipped in the mother in law thing there, And.
Speaker 6: My mom is here right now, and she does a
Speaker 6: thing when I tell her something clearly, she gets wounded
Speaker 6: immediately and starts like weeping. So like I was like, hey,
Speaker 6: can you get something for my daughter's birthday party, like
Speaker 6: to fill these goodie bags? Because I was like, on
Speaker 6: these zooms yesterday and I was like, just get anything
Speaker 6: to put in a goodie bag. She came back with
Speaker 6: like sheets of like shit stickers, like poopsticker, and I
Speaker 6: was like, Mom, I can't put this in her like
Speaker 6: four year old goodie bagh's that's shit.
Speaker 1: She's like, well, I'm sorry, Rachel. I did the damn
Speaker 1: best I could.
Speaker 6: Like she starts weeping, and like five years ago, I
Speaker 6: would have felt like I had just assaulted my mother
Speaker 6: because she always weeps if you give her a note,
Speaker 6: you know. But now I'm just like, Mom, you can
Speaker 6: weep or not, but I can't like put shit stickers
Speaker 6: in here, like and I'm gonna get on this zoom now,
Speaker 6: can you get something else?
Speaker 5: You know?
Speaker 6: And I also realized, like she's always going to.
Speaker 2: Be weeping because that about me.
Speaker 1: It's about her alcoholic mother or something, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. Like I don't take it personally anymore.
Speaker 6: My mom always has like a sort of vaguely muttering
Speaker 6: to herself for weeping, and I just know that that's
Speaker 6: what she likes to do and she probably won't stop,
Speaker 6: but she's here, she's helping out.
Speaker 1: I'm not taking on her her day weeping.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's very good advice.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we have a better relationship now.
Speaker 8: I like the advice of not taking it myself, like
Speaker 8: not personal at all, just living not personal.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 6: My friend Jessica Curson really funny comics. She always says,
Speaker 6: like people are insane. They are walking around furious all day.
Speaker 6: It doesn't have.
Speaker 1: Anything to do with you.
Speaker 6: Usually, you know, like people are just not okay, they're
Speaker 6: not well. Yeah, so if you can imagine a little sticker,
Speaker 6: She always says that to me, just imagine a little
Speaker 6: sticker on this person's forehead that says sick. And that's
Speaker 6: always a helpful tool for me when I'm communicating to
Speaker 6: not personalize.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, all right, Ali, is that helpful?
Speaker 8: Yes, so helpful.
Speaker 5: I'm excited to share it at work.
Speaker 1: Okay, thank you, Sally, Okay, bye bye. I think it's
Speaker 1: funny that we both missed the main part of that.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I know.
Speaker 3: You should have seen me last week. I was like,
Speaker 3: I got the whole story backwards. I'm like, what, I'm
Speaker 3: listening and then I'm confused. I don't understand.
Speaker 2: Well.
Speaker 4: Our next caller is Ryan and he's calling in from Norway.
Speaker 4: He says, dear Chelsea, Hi, I'm Ryan. I'm originally from
Speaker 4: Vancouver Island and I've been living in Oslo, Norway for
Speaker 4: the past four years. I originally moved to Scandinavia for
Speaker 4: a wonderful Norwegian man. Although they're all introverts, they can
Speaker 4: be very intoxicating. However, our four year relationship ended last autumn.
Speaker 4: I've been on a beautiful journey of healing and self
Speaker 4: love lately and have been filling my own cup. But
Speaker 4: I'm unsure of how much i want to include my
Speaker 4: ex in my life. Any advice on how to navigate this?
Speaker 4: Cheers in a big hug from finally sunny Oslo.
Speaker 2: Ryan.
Speaker 3: Hi, Ryan, Hi, Ryan, Hello, Hi, I'm coming to Oslo.
Speaker 3: I'm coming to perform there. I think in the fall.
Speaker 5: No way, Oh my goodness.
Speaker 3: I was there last summer. I saw Springsteen in Oslo.
Speaker 3: It was so fun outside at that outdoor park.
Speaker 5: You and all my lesbian friends amazing.
Speaker 3: I know I was. I got confused with lesbian a lot. Actually,
Speaker 3: So what's the status of the relationship now?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 7: So the status is I mean, we're our lives are
Speaker 7: longer entangled at all. He's a truly incredible person and
Speaker 7: a really lovely guy. We broke up about just under
Speaker 7: eight months ago. We were friends for four years and
Speaker 7: then we dated for four years, and now I'm like, oh,
Speaker 7: could we could we be friends again?
Speaker 5: Is that realistic?
Speaker 1: Feel attracted to him?
Speaker 5: Like sexually?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Not right now? No?
Speaker 1: What do you mean right? Not right now? Like it
Speaker 1: can come back though, just after this autumn after I
Speaker 1: think no. I think so.
Speaker 7: We broke up because a couple of reasons, but the
Speaker 7: main reason was I wanted to explore something more open,
Speaker 7: and he, although it was very willing to have that discussion, didn't.
Speaker 5: And so when we did open our relationship, we brought.
Speaker 7: In a mutual friend, which then led to be demise
Speaker 7: of our of our relationship.
Speaker 3: That track what an unusual ending, I know, I mean, honestly,
Speaker 3: so sounds a little bit like you're still hung up
Speaker 3: on this guy.
Speaker 1: Are you.
Speaker 7: I wouldn't say I'm hung up on him anymore, honestly.
Speaker 7: The thing is, we have a lot of like in common,
Speaker 7: and so when I moved to Norway with my ex,
Speaker 7: I'm originally from British Columbia, Canada, and so when I
Speaker 7: moved here, like all of my network was through my ex.
Speaker 7: I don't think I'm hung up on him anymore, but
Speaker 7: I do think there may be place in my life
Speaker 7: for him. But I'm not sure how to even approach
Speaker 7: that topic.
Speaker 3: If you guys were friends for four years and you
Speaker 3: dated for four years, I think it's totally realistic that
Speaker 3: you could be friends again. It's hard to be friends
Speaker 3: with someone when you haven't been friends with them ever
Speaker 3: and you've only been romantic. But if you're friends, you
Speaker 3: can always go back to that. Yeah, people do it
Speaker 3: all the time, and I mean you have the perfect
Speaker 3: excuse or reason.
Speaker 1: It's not really an excuse, it's a reason.
Speaker 2: How would you approach that conversation with him to reconnect?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I would just say, like here, I you know,
Speaker 3: I'm here living in Norway, and like, you know, obviously
Speaker 3: this is how we're connected, and I'm here and it's
Speaker 3: been a long time.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I hope you're well.
Speaker 3: Send him a really thoughtful, nice email checking on him
Speaker 3: and you'd love to see him, But make it clear
Speaker 3: that you're coming from a friend's perspective, don't make it
Speaker 3: flirty or weird.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you could even say, like you could you refer to.
Speaker 6: Some earlier period of your life where I mean earlier time,
Speaker 6: when you guys used to be friends, something used to do.
Speaker 1: Then I miss when we were whenever.
Speaker 6: I know things didn't work out with but I enjoyed
Speaker 6: talking out out, which is so it makes it really
Speaker 6: clear that I think that is important.
Speaker 1: That's not making it clear, Rachel, because that's making it confusing.
Speaker 3: I think to say I really enjoyed hanging out with you.
Speaker 3: Oh you mean in addition to fucking you like the
Speaker 3: other things I liked?
Speaker 6: Oh, I know absolutely, I know you're right, You're absolutely right. No, yeah,
Speaker 6: you want to make it say when you weren't inside me.
Speaker 6: I guess it's what you should add in parentheses, when
Speaker 6: we weren't inside each other.
Speaker 3: I think, just don't tell him you like anything about him.
Speaker 3: Don't say that right now. Just reach out and send
Speaker 3: a really nice email checking in how he's doing.
Speaker 1: You love Norway, bring up things that.
Speaker 3: There's going to be a response to, right, like all
Speaker 3: the cool things about Norway that you've discovered or that
Speaker 3: you love, that you've rediscovered, or that remind.
Speaker 1: You of him, whatever, but in a non romantic attitude.
Speaker 7: Okay, yeah, and I think that that's probably the right way.
Speaker 7: So the last time I saw him. He mentioned that
Speaker 7: his father had health problems, and you know, I burst
Speaker 7: into chairs and I thought, this is someone I spent
Speaker 7: for Christmas is with.
Speaker 5: This is someone I really used to care about. And
Speaker 5: I asked like, oh, do you want to hug and
Speaker 5: said no. I thought, oh my god, you're right now.
Speaker 1: What he wanted to hug you before? Like was that?
Speaker 1: Was he never a hunting guy?
Speaker 6: He was?
Speaker 5: I mean, it's funny.
Speaker 7: Maybe I forced him to be like a physical person
Speaker 7: when we were together, because I'm quite well.
Speaker 6: I mean, that's probably a good sign that he in
Speaker 6: a way because the fact that he wasn't immediately like yes,
Speaker 6: like maybe when you do set those clear boundaries again,
Speaker 6: take none of my instructions.
Speaker 1: Now that I think about it a second second, that's awful.
Speaker 3: Don't take anything, Rachel says seriously, and I'm right behind her.
Speaker 1: So you've got Catherine left only at Chelsea's instructions.
Speaker 3: But I feel like this is an instruction only. I
Speaker 3: still think you're hung up on him. I don't know
Speaker 3: what it is, but you are giving off a vibe
Speaker 3: that you're into him and you want to get in
Speaker 3: and you're pretending that you want to be friends but
Speaker 3: you want to tell.
Speaker 1: You way it is.
Speaker 6: It's because why would there even be a t the
Speaker 6: fact that it's being discussed at all, Like, you wouldn't
Speaker 6: be thinking about it this much if you're talking thinking
Speaker 6: about talking to somebody again that you aren't attracted to
Speaker 6: anymore or have no lingering feelings for it.
Speaker 1: It would just be like you do or you don't.
Speaker 6: Like I feel like you wouldn't waste this precious time
Speaker 6: with my brilliant advice. Oh but I mean, like, I
Speaker 6: don't know, there's probably something there. Yeah, so maybe take
Speaker 6: a take a look at it.
Speaker 5: I think there is probably something there.
Speaker 7: I don't think I want to pursue anything like we had,
Speaker 7: like you know, we were living together for four years.
Speaker 7: I don't think I want to pursue that again. And
Speaker 7: I do want to pursue something more open with other people.
Speaker 7: And I've started recently dating again, which is felt interesting
Speaker 7: and nice. But I think I think, Chelsea, you might
Speaker 7: be right that there are some lingering feelings.
Speaker 1: You're the way you're.
Speaker 3: Talking about it, it's just like you're you're something you
Speaker 3: want unfinished or something's unfinished.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's too whimsical. It's too whimsical or something. Something's
Speaker 6: not tracking.
Speaker 1: Go get your tarot cards read. It's for a real answer.
Speaker 1: I like that.
Speaker 2: I like that answer for this.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you want the truth, go get your tarot
Speaker 3: cards read.
Speaker 2: And if he's not interested, I think you got to.
Speaker 4: You got to give him space, like yeah, months before
Speaker 4: you reach out again.
Speaker 5: And there's a lot of other beautiful Norwegians out there.
Speaker 1: So that's what I say. I bet so I start
Speaker 1: my day. That's my morning affirmation.
Speaker 6: You're very handsome, Ryan. I feel like you'll do well.
Speaker 6: I'm not worried about your numbers.
Speaker 5: That's very generous.
Speaker 4: Thank you all right, thank you so much, Ryan, Thanks Ryan,
Speaker 4: thank you three.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 3: Guy.
Speaker 1: He's like, I'm in Norway and never gets stark here.
Speaker 2: No, yeah, he said.
Speaker 4: He was like, this is the midnight sun now, so well,
Speaker 4: let's take a quick break and we'll be back with
Speaker 4: a quickie.
Speaker 2: To wrap up.
Speaker 1: Okay, and we're back.
Speaker 4: We are back now. This email is not very quick,
Speaker 4: but I think the answer will be quick.
Speaker 3: Let me try and stay focused, Rachel, You and I
Speaker 3: will be trying to focused if we both try to
Speaker 3: focus at the same time.
Speaker 1: Who knows what kind of focus.
Speaker 4: We can gather, Amanda says, Dear Chelsea, Chelsea, I adore you,
Speaker 4: and I hope my life looks like yours one day.
Speaker 4: My best friend of over twenty five years got married
Speaker 4: last November. I planned the bridle shower because she lost
Speaker 4: her mother the summer we were going into high school,
Speaker 4: so my mother and I spent over twenty five hundred
Speaker 4: dollars on the Bridle show. She then had a destination
Speaker 4: bachelorette at Walt Disney World, which ended up costing me
Speaker 4: another two grand, and not to mention, she convinced me
Speaker 4: to get an annual pass because she claimed we would
Speaker 4: go back together in the next year, which was an
Speaker 4: additional five hundred dollars. Her wedding was a destination wedding
Speaker 4: in Mexico, which cost me over four grand, and I
Speaker 4: photographed her wedding, which is about a five thousand dollars value.
Speaker 4: There was a lot of drama leading up to the
Speaker 4: wedding with price is right. There was a lot of
Speaker 4: drama leading up to the wedding with her and another
Speaker 4: bride'smaid being very selfish, and she proceeded to make my
Speaker 4: life a living hell for the rest of the year.
Speaker 2: I think this is the other bridesmaid. My best friend.
Speaker 4: The bride continued to ask me to be the bigger
Speaker 4: person through all of the events and bite my tongue
Speaker 4: and not say anything to her, and I did just that.
Speaker 4: The wedding, everything went off without a hitch. I was
Speaker 4: the maid of honor, so I hired someone to come
Speaker 4: with me and be able to shoot the wedding since
Speaker 4: I was in it. Fast forward to the last day
Speaker 4: of the four day weekend we spent in Mexico. I
Speaker 4: admittedly got a little too drunk, which is something that
Speaker 4: is very uncharacteristic of me, and I haven't been that
Speaker 4: drunk in like seven years, and I lost all my
Speaker 4: inhibitions and said things to that other bridesmaid and her
Speaker 4: husband basically made a fool of myself. I have since apologized,
Speaker 4: but me and my best friend have not spoken since
Speaker 4: the wedding. Now to my question, since I obviously have
Speaker 4: her wedding photos, I assume this is something she probably
Speaker 4: wants as it has all of her photos of her
Speaker 4: guests and her and her husband, and I don't want.
Speaker 2: To just give her these photos for free.
Speaker 4: My question to you is if I should send an
Speaker 4: email stating If she wants these photos, the dollar amount
Speaker 4: is xyz, and if she doesn't, I'm happy to delete them.
Speaker 4: I understand that money is not everything, but I'm a
Speaker 4: single woman running my own small business, and she has
Speaker 4: way more money than I do. And I've wasted over
Speaker 4: thirteen thousand dollars this last year on nothing. It was
Speaker 4: a waste of my time, a waste of my money.
Speaker 4: And I did all those things for her because I
Speaker 4: thought we were important to each other. Obviously, over the
Speaker 4: last few months I missed her occasionally, but not quite
Speaker 4: as much as I thought I would. So please let
Speaker 4: me know if you think it's worth it to ask
Speaker 4: her to pay for the photos, or if I should
Speaker 4: not contact her unless she contacts me about them.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for your time. I love you all.
Speaker 4: Keep doing the good work you do. Sincerely, Amanda, and
Speaker 4: no need to keep me anonymous. Let that bitch hear
Speaker 4: it a journey.
Speaker 1: Jesus, fuck dear. What do you think, Rachel?
Speaker 6: I think you should do a little less accounting, a
Speaker 6: little a little less tallying. Yeah yeah, I think if
Speaker 6: you give somebody something, you just give it to them.
Speaker 6: You're acting like an accountant. These are like the commission
Speaker 6: statements I get from my agency, like, you can't. You
Speaker 6: just got to give it to them, and you can't
Speaker 6: be like if I was this, if we were friends,
Speaker 6: then A, B and C. Personally, I think you might
Speaker 6: want to just give her her wedding photos and work
Speaker 6: on your business. That's kind of what I think.
Speaker 3: I agree, I agree, I understand you're if you can't
Speaker 3: find it in your heart or financially, like you can't
Speaker 3: not get paid for this, which you already agreed to
Speaker 3: do it without getting paid, so now you're adding a
Speaker 3: price for not talking to her.
Speaker 1: It's the same thing that rachels talking about.
Speaker 3: It's like tip for tap, like you should give them
Speaker 3: to her, and if if you don't feel comfortable you
Speaker 3: can't do that, then wait until she contacts you for
Speaker 3: them and then give them to her. But you shouldn't
Speaker 3: contact her and reach.
Speaker 1: Out to her at all.
Speaker 4: Class it's with a dropbox link with all her wedding
Speaker 4: photos like that I think is the only communication here.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I wouldn't really be in the business of charging.
Speaker 3: I mean, you got to walk out of this as
Speaker 3: a bigger if it really was only a mistake that
Speaker 3: you made and you were completely provoked. Then your behavior
Speaker 3: in this instant should be to show grace so that
Speaker 3: she can detect or you know, infer what really happened
Speaker 3: in the long run. You know, you're just like shutting
Speaker 3: the door on the friendship another way by saying, hey,
Speaker 3: you owe me money for this, so yeah, release the
Speaker 3: wedding count. This isn't the advice you wanted to hear,
Speaker 3: but skip it. And when you have lists that long
Speaker 3: of what people have done to wrong you, it's also
Speaker 3: time to like take a look at yourself. You can't
Speaker 3: just keep score all the time. It doesn't work that way.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 6: No, I mean this is the kind of stuff that
Speaker 6: I do believe. Although I love the chapter email where
Speaker 6: you kind of like, you know, drunkenly said some things.
Speaker 6: That was the most fun part for me personally. I
Speaker 6: like when she hits the fan in a fun, loving tale. Sure,
Speaker 6: but I think that that might be maybe connected to
Speaker 6: holding on to all of this like resentment, all this talent,
Speaker 6: Like you don't want to be that tightly wound that
Speaker 6: you're crunching numbers every time you're hanging out with the friends.
Speaker 1: No, you know, no, not at all. I would let
Speaker 1: it go.
Speaker 3: Let it go everyone, Let it go. Rachel Feinstein, what
Speaker 3: a dream, What a dream, jew you've been Thank you guys.
Speaker 3: It's been nice to spend time with you. I look
Speaker 3: forward to spending more time with you in Hawaii.
Speaker 1: I can't wait.
Speaker 3: And everyone else who's listening that we'll see in Hawaii.
Speaker 3: So I'll see you in your thong and you'll see
Speaker 3: me in your in your thong as well.
Speaker 1: Thank you guys so much. This was so fun. I
Speaker 1: had the best time. Bye, Rachel. Congrats.
Speaker 3: Okay, So upcoming shows that I have you guys, Auckland,
Speaker 3: New Zealand, Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Australia, Brisbane and Australia, Sydney, Australia.
Speaker 3: We've added second shows to places that have sold out
Speaker 3: the first and then I'm gonna be in Hawaii on Maui, Ka,
Speaker 3: Huluey and Honolulu. I will be there in July. Also
Speaker 3: in July, I'm coming to Niagara Falls on July twenty seventh.
Speaker 3: I'm coming to Hollywood, Florida for my only show in
Speaker 3: Florida on July twenty eighth. I'll be in Auburn, Washington
Speaker 3: on August first, and then Santa Rosa, California for my
Speaker 3: second show August second. August seventeenth is the Santa Barbara Bowl.
Speaker 3: You do not want to miss that. And then I
Speaker 3: will be all over Maine, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina.
Speaker 3: I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to Saint Louis and
Speaker 3: Kansas City, and then I will be in Las Vegas
Speaker 3: performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. My
Speaker 3: first three dates in Vegas are September first, Labor Day weekend,
Speaker 3: and then November tewond and November thirtieth. I'm coming to Brooklyn,
Speaker 3: New York, at the King's Theater on November eighth, and
Speaker 3: I have tickets on sale throughout the end of the
Speaker 3: year in December, so if you're in a city like
Speaker 3: Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha,
Speaker 3: check Chelsea handler dot com for tickets.
Speaker 2: Okay, if you'd like.
Speaker 4: Advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea
Speaker 4: podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to include
Speaker 4: your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by
Speaker 4: Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and be sure to
Speaker 4: check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com