WEBVTT - “I Was Groomed To Keep Secrets” (w/ Keyonna Monroe) 0:00:00.920 --> 0:00:04.640 Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. You are tuned into 0:00:04.680 --> 0:00:07.040 the Vitamin D with Dawn Day podcast and I am 0:00:07.080 --> 0:00:09.640 your host, Dawn Day, here to get you excited about 0:00:09.680 --> 0:00:11.640 your life so that you can live life on purpose 0:00:11.640 --> 0:00:13.680 and for a purpose. And this is your first time 0:00:13.760 --> 0:00:17.079 tuning in and welcome Vitamin D. It's upon off our name. 0:00:17.320 --> 0:00:19.280 My name is Dawn, and you get Vitamin D from 0:00:19.280 --> 0:00:21.440 the sun. So I'm here to shed light into your life. 0:00:21.640 --> 0:00:25.000 And I do this with inspirational insights and conversations with 0:00:25.040 --> 0:00:28.040 celebrities and everyday people like you and me, Because if 0:00:28.080 --> 0:00:30.000 you want to be better and you want to do better, 0:00:30.520 --> 0:00:32.760 then you're going to have to be able to see better. 0:00:33.159 --> 0:00:35.760 So join me on this journey of living our best 0:00:35.800 --> 0:00:39.680 lives and understanding and realizing how you are your greatest 0:00:39.760 --> 0:00:43.320 assad I want to encourage you to use your tools 0:00:43.479 --> 0:00:46.640 in your toolbox. What do you want mean by that? 0:00:47.280 --> 0:00:50.320 I think sometimes we have to uh use different things 0:00:50.360 --> 0:00:53.080 to help us on our way to ensure we get 0:00:53.120 --> 0:00:55.920 to an arrived word is that we need to arrive 0:00:55.960 --> 0:00:58.680 to and that we show up as our most authentic 0:00:58.760 --> 0:01:04.600 and truthful self. The other day, on my walking route, 0:01:04.720 --> 0:01:07.560 you know, I walk five miles. Each morning, an elderly 0:01:07.600 --> 0:01:11.440 woman comes up to me. She's asking for directions, UM 0:01:11.520 --> 0:01:14.800 for a Jewish grocery store. Now I know I've seen 0:01:14.840 --> 0:01:17.959 this grocery store because I passed by this neighborhood every morning. 0:01:18.000 --> 0:01:21.080 So she said, do you know if this grocery store 0:01:21.080 --> 0:01:24.040 called Glad somebody had pointed it down to me. I said, well, 0:01:24.120 --> 0:01:27.680 sure I do. Now I couldn't differentiate which way uh 0:01:28.160 --> 0:01:30.520 the grocery store was, but I said, let me put 0:01:30.560 --> 0:01:33.440 it in my map and we can get there. She says, oh, 0:01:33.520 --> 0:01:35.960 I don't have a phone map or anything like that. 0:01:36.280 --> 0:01:39.199 As to advance. I said, well, it's down this way. 0:01:39.600 --> 0:01:42.399 Let's walk together. So she said sure. She said, can 0:01:42.480 --> 0:01:44.840 you tell me what's your name? I said, dawn like 0:01:44.959 --> 0:01:47.760 the break of day, and she said she giggled. She said, 0:01:48.040 --> 0:01:50.080 how are you dawn like the break of day? My 0:01:50.160 --> 0:01:52.640 name's Florence, I told her. I said, it's such a 0:01:52.680 --> 0:01:55.640 pleasure to meet you. We began to walk and talk 0:01:55.680 --> 0:01:59.760 and just talk about gratitude. I'm talked about life, talked 0:01:59.760 --> 0:02:02.040 about how the pandemic has changed so much in our 0:02:02.040 --> 0:02:04.680 lives and how it's so important to live in the now, 0:02:05.680 --> 0:02:08.200 understanding the gift of the now and just to be 0:02:08.400 --> 0:02:12.160 present in the now. In the midst of the conversation, 0:02:12.600 --> 0:02:16.040 Florence looks at me and she says, Oh, my goodness, 0:02:16.040 --> 0:02:19.840 I want to apologize. I I just don't remember things 0:02:19.919 --> 0:02:23.280 like I used to. What's your name again? I said, 0:02:23.320 --> 0:02:26.360 Florence is quite all right, I said, my name is Dawn, 0:02:26.880 --> 0:02:29.280 like the break of day. I said, Florence, you know, 0:02:29.360 --> 0:02:31.800 sometimes we have to use different tools to help us remember. 0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:34.160 I said. One thing that I learned if you want 0:02:34.200 --> 0:02:36.760 to memorize someone's name is to say it three times. 0:02:37.160 --> 0:02:38.639 I said. A trick that I do is that I'll 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:41.720 compliment somebody, so I may say, hey, Florence, I love 0:02:41.760 --> 0:02:46.239 your shoes, Florence, I really love your hair. Florence, what 0:02:46.400 --> 0:02:49.360 time is it ensuring that I say your name three times? 0:02:49.440 --> 0:02:53.720 I will remember? She looked at me and she said, wow, 0:02:53.760 --> 0:02:56.000 that's really good. She said, well, thank you so much. 0:02:56.320 --> 0:02:59.760 I guess us all right, and I said absolutely. I said, 0:02:59.760 --> 0:03:02.840 it's so important that we have grace with ourselves, and 0:03:02.840 --> 0:03:05.720 it's we're not going to be great at everything, but 0:03:05.760 --> 0:03:07.520 if we use the tools that we got, we can 0:03:07.600 --> 0:03:12.040 surely get by. Right as we begin to further along walk, 0:03:12.440 --> 0:03:14.640 she began to tell me how great it was to 0:03:14.680 --> 0:03:19.200 have the conversation and Shoan behold. We began to approach 0:03:19.480 --> 0:03:23.799 Glot and she said, you know, thank you so much 0:03:23.800 --> 0:03:26.320 for this conversation. I'll hope you have a blessed and 0:03:26.360 --> 0:03:30.640 wonderful day. And she said, you know, I'm Florence like 0:03:30.720 --> 0:03:33.640 the flow, So I want to encourage you to go 0:03:33.760 --> 0:03:36.839 with the flow of life. Understand that it's a yes 0:03:36.920 --> 0:03:40.400 and process and it's not always a pivot. Go in 0:03:40.480 --> 0:03:44.160 your toolbox and use the tools that you need to 0:03:44.240 --> 0:03:47.560 get to where it is that you need to go. Remember, 0:03:49.240 --> 0:03:53.560 if you're gonna have grace, that includes space, get your 0:03:53.600 --> 0:04:01.960 Videamny right with me and get excited about your kyana. 0:04:02.040 --> 0:04:05.360 A Monroe is in here with me. I'm out of 0:04:05.360 --> 0:04:10.480 applause here in mine And we were like, don why 0:04:10.480 --> 0:04:13.120 are we doing a round of applause? Well, I got 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:15.400 somebody special in here where all of my guests are special, 0:04:15.440 --> 0:04:17.760 but this is so special because you know, I always 0:04:17.760 --> 0:04:23.160 talk about how vulnerability is everything, huh, and how vulnerability 0:04:23.240 --> 0:04:27.279 allows us the ability to connect, and often times I 0:04:27.320 --> 0:04:32.880 feel that we aren't necessarily vulnerable is because um, we're 0:04:32.880 --> 0:04:34.880 thinking about all the people and things that we're letting 0:04:34.880 --> 0:04:38.080 into our life an evasion of privacy. But I just 0:04:38.120 --> 0:04:40.280 want to serve as a reminder that vulnerability is all 0:04:40.320 --> 0:04:44.159 about letting yourself out so that you can be seen, 0:04:44.440 --> 0:04:47.279 so that you can be heard, and more importantly, so 0:04:47.320 --> 0:04:50.720 that you can connect. And we're gonna connect today. We 0:04:50.800 --> 0:04:53.360 got something serious to talk about, things that I'm going 0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:55.360 to be knowledgeable about what's going on, and I hope 0:04:55.360 --> 0:04:57.279 that it shed lights to you and I hope that 0:04:57.400 --> 0:05:01.040 um it inspires you to help someone else or perhaps 0:05:01.279 --> 0:05:03.719 to seek help if you need it, but more importantly, 0:05:03.760 --> 0:05:05.200 to know that it's just not you. What am I 0:05:05.200 --> 0:05:09.520 talking about. I'm talking about trafficking. UM, sex trafficking. Just 0:05:09.560 --> 0:05:12.320 did some quick research. I was looking on deliver fund 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:14.760 dot org and reports that there is an estimated between 0:05:15.279 --> 0:05:19.800 fifteen thousand to fifty thousand women and children who are 0:05:19.839 --> 0:05:25.760 forced into sexual slavery in the US every year. Catch that. Now, 0:05:25.920 --> 0:05:29.159 you also need to keep in mind that this is 0:05:29.200 --> 0:05:33.240 just an estimate. UM. As you can imagine, this is 0:05:33.279 --> 0:05:36.240 something that is difficult to research because we're still missing 0:05:36.279 --> 0:05:39.719 people right. Furthermore, how many people are coming forth with 0:05:39.760 --> 0:05:44.040 their story the total number of current sex trafficking victims 0:05:44.080 --> 0:05:47.640 in the US is estimated between one hundred to three 0:05:47.760 --> 0:05:52.120 hundred and twenty five thousand people. And so that leads 0:05:52.160 --> 0:05:54.400 me to a special guest. Like I said, I have 0:05:54.560 --> 0:05:59.039 Kiana in here with me. Hi, Kiana, thank you for 0:05:59.080 --> 0:06:01.680 coming in and welcome to the Vitamin D for podcast. 0:06:02.040 --> 0:06:04.880 Thank you for inviting me. I appreciate it. It's an 0:06:04.920 --> 0:06:08.120 honor to to be here and talk to you and 0:06:08.200 --> 0:06:11.120 to shed light on a topic that's very near and 0:06:11.200 --> 0:06:15.680 dear to my heart personally. Yes, I'm so grateful that 0:06:15.760 --> 0:06:18.719 you're here. And I want to make it clear now, 0:06:18.839 --> 0:06:20.920 if there's anything or anything you don't want to answer, 0:06:21.000 --> 0:06:22.359 just let me know because I don't know. But I 0:06:22.400 --> 0:06:25.000 don't want to preface anything. I want to come as 0:06:25.000 --> 0:06:28.480 a real person that's trying to understand and furthermore to 0:06:28.520 --> 0:06:32.400 get the message out. And yeah, that's sense. And I 0:06:32.440 --> 0:06:33.880 was just thinking, I was like, how did I come 0:06:33.880 --> 0:06:35.839 across I don't know if I've ran across your page 0:06:35.960 --> 0:06:40.720 on social media. I don't know what happened, but here 0:06:39.560 --> 0:06:43.160 an right here and now, said I am because the 0:06:43.200 --> 0:06:46.440 woman is talking about being involved in sex trafficking. I said, 0:06:47.880 --> 0:06:51.920 I've never heard anyone share a story like that, let 0:06:51.920 --> 0:06:56.400 alone have lived out the real experience. So I know 0:06:56.480 --> 0:07:00.400 I said some things, but can you normally you did? You? Did? 0:07:00.160 --> 0:07:05.000 You absolutely? My name is Kiana Monroe. I am a 0:07:05.080 --> 0:07:13.160 child trafficking survivor and I am currently working with young 0:07:13.200 --> 0:07:17.440 girls and women all over the world. And bringing awareness 0:07:17.520 --> 0:07:20.760 is not even I feel like there's there's no word awareness, 0:07:20.880 --> 0:07:26.320 but bringing an understanding of how things are happening, you know, 0:07:26.400 --> 0:07:30.160 in your neighborhoods, in plain sight, without even you know, 0:07:30.360 --> 0:07:32.720 most people acknowledging it. It's it's a day to day 0:07:33.160 --> 0:07:38.760 And I think that there's not enough safety for women, 0:07:38.800 --> 0:07:42.840 there's not enough safety for girls, and there's not enough support, 0:07:43.800 --> 0:07:47.520 um when it comes to believing women and girls when 0:07:47.560 --> 0:07:52.080 they are talking about things of that matter. So, for 0:07:52.160 --> 0:07:56.440 anyone that may not necessarily know what is sex trafficking, 0:07:57.240 --> 0:08:01.920 sex trafficking is when it's some one forces you without 0:08:02.080 --> 0:08:07.160 permission or manipulates you or threatens you, um, kidnapping as 0:08:07.200 --> 0:08:14.200 well to do labor sex labor for um for pay. 0:08:14.840 --> 0:08:19.120 And a lot of people think, you know, trafficking is 0:08:19.160 --> 0:08:21.600 just sex, but it's sometimes it's it's more than that. 0:08:21.600 --> 0:08:24.840 But we're staying with with that. And it happens all 0:08:24.880 --> 0:08:29.640 around the world, um, especially here in America. UM, it 0:08:29.680 --> 0:08:32.240 happens a lot in school districts, in the in the 0:08:32.320 --> 0:08:34.320 areas around schools. You get a lot of predators that 0:08:34.360 --> 0:08:36.480 kind of hang out in those areas and malls and 0:08:36.520 --> 0:08:38.800 so on and so forth. Um. A lot of times, 0:08:38.840 --> 0:08:41.880 believe it or not, it happens with people that most 0:08:41.880 --> 0:08:44.559 of these girls are close to. Sometimes it's even family, 0:08:44.800 --> 0:08:47.720 believe it or not, family family members or sex trafficking. Yeah, 0:08:47.760 --> 0:08:50.480 a lot of times family members, you know, will sell 0:08:50.520 --> 0:08:55.520 their children, you know, and traffic their children for money 0:08:55.720 --> 0:08:59.560 for paying off their debt. You know. Um, if there 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:02.120 if you have a parent that is on drugs and 0:09:02.160 --> 0:09:05.480 they have a daughter. Sometimes even boys get trafficked. Believe 0:09:05.480 --> 0:09:08.960 it or not. But what they do is that's how 0:09:09.000 --> 0:09:11.880 they'll you know, get their drugs. They'll sell their child. Well, 0:09:11.920 --> 0:09:16.480 what's the difference between sex trafficking and prostitution. It's really 0:09:16.520 --> 0:09:21.560 not a huge difference to to to be honest, um, 0:09:21.720 --> 0:09:26.320 especially for self versus utilizing someone else. Maybe here's the 0:09:26.400 --> 0:09:31.800 thing prostitution. Prostitution is probably most people think it's being 0:09:31.800 --> 0:09:34.160 out on a corner and you you have a pamp, 0:09:34.679 --> 0:09:40.120 you know, and you are willingly sometimes going out standing 0:09:40.200 --> 0:09:42.800 on that corner, doing it out of fear, sometimes out 0:09:42.840 --> 0:09:46.800 of force. But with trafficking, they're not always standing out 0:09:46.840 --> 0:09:50.880 on on on corners like that. Their transactions are made 0:09:51.320 --> 0:09:55.400 with whomever they're there. John Doe is or I like 0:09:55.520 --> 0:09:58.720 to call it the trauma or Lessia mayor Um. That's 0:09:58.760 --> 0:10:01.280 a name that I gave Um. A lot of people 0:10:01.280 --> 0:10:03.880 call him a Romeo right where they're a little bit younger. 0:10:04.400 --> 0:10:08.280 So here's here's the thing. For example, you may have 0:10:09.640 --> 0:10:12.880 let's just say a guy who's been their thirties, forties, fifties, 0:10:12.960 --> 0:10:16.440 however old, right, he's not going to walk into a 0:10:16.480 --> 0:10:19.840 school and talk to the girls. They will send a 0:10:20.000 --> 0:10:24.120 boy fourteen fifteen, sixteen years old. That's a room that 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:29.000 that that's me, that's right, and to go in there 0:10:29.440 --> 0:10:32.400 and flirt and lure some of the girls in. And 0:10:32.440 --> 0:10:35.400 the thing is, when you have so many girls with 0:10:35.520 --> 0:10:39.000 low self esteem, right, with thoughts of unworthiness, they don't 0:10:39.000 --> 0:10:41.520 know who they are. Um, They're trying to fit in 0:10:42.400 --> 0:10:46.679 and they're they're looking for validation outside of themselves, and 0:10:46.720 --> 0:10:51.079 they get caught in that. And I know, like I'm 0:10:51.080 --> 0:10:54.200 looking at your face and you're like, what what doing is? 0:10:54.760 --> 0:10:56.960 I've been mindful and working on listening, Like I have 0:10:57.000 --> 0:10:59.120 so many questions. I want to interject, but I'm making room. 0:10:59.200 --> 0:11:02.599 But I want to receive anything you're saying and preparing um, 0:11:02.640 --> 0:11:06.120 you know, just receiving it. And and no one, And 0:11:06.160 --> 0:11:07.719 I guess I was thinking. I was like, well here 0:11:07.720 --> 0:11:09.920 I am going no, no, no, No one looks and 0:11:09.920 --> 0:11:12.920 and and thinks about you know, a fifteen sixteen year 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:16.280 old on campus. You know, even if even if he's 0:11:16.280 --> 0:11:22.160 at a middle school, right, somebody's like, all that's right, 0:11:22.440 --> 0:11:27.760 or you'll look at a oh he's a you know, 0:11:27.840 --> 0:11:30.800 like little things like that, and people are like, you know, 0:11:30.840 --> 0:11:33.800 it's probably somebody's older cousin or older brother. They think 0:11:33.880 --> 0:11:38.560 nothing of it, absolutely nothing of it, with no questions 0:11:38.640 --> 0:11:41.040 or understand Like people are not paying attention. That's why 0:11:41.080 --> 0:11:42.960 I say it's hiding in plain sight. People are not 0:11:42.960 --> 0:11:46.200 paying attention to girls in their body language, who they're 0:11:46.240 --> 0:11:51.000 hanging out with, who, who their circle of friends are changing, behavior, 0:11:51.160 --> 0:11:55.240 changing in moods, change of you know, just their academics 0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:57.160 and how they're doing in school. So for then you 0:11:57.160 --> 0:12:01.400 have social media. Listen, you have social media. You have 0:12:01.640 --> 0:12:07.160 people who are pedophiles with these what do you with 0:12:07.280 --> 0:12:11.800 these handles that are of like cartoons or stolen identities. 0:12:11.880 --> 0:12:14.480 You get that type of stuff all the time. And 0:12:14.520 --> 0:12:17.800 it's to me, social media and the Internet is a 0:12:17.800 --> 0:12:22.840 pedophiles playground. Oh wow, Yeah, truly it is. It's not 0:12:23.679 --> 0:12:25.880 someone meet up and it's there. But okay, we're gonna 0:12:25.880 --> 0:12:29.079 we're gonna talk further into that. But let's talk about 0:12:29.320 --> 0:12:35.160 let's talk about you tell us who Kiana is. Um. 0:12:35.200 --> 0:12:37.120 I am an l A native. I know it's rare, 0:12:40.600 --> 0:12:44.480 right because you're all of us transplants infiltrated Yo City. 0:12:46.960 --> 0:12:48.679 So you grow U with l A. You're raised by 0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:50.760 your mom and your dad. Your mom, who would you 0:12:50.800 --> 0:12:56.319 raise a village? A village um south central l A? 0:12:56.760 --> 0:12:59.600 You know, to be exam from the hood, but I'll 0:12:59.600 --> 0:13:04.160 find try what I'm from the hood. You know what 0:13:04.240 --> 0:13:08.640 I'm saying. It was a change in your face. But 0:13:08.760 --> 0:13:10.599 I mean people were like, oh my gosh, she's so 0:13:10.840 --> 0:13:13.000 she went spon and she did this, But I'm still 0:13:13.040 --> 0:13:18.080 from that, right, you know, don't get delicted, um, But 0:13:18.240 --> 0:13:21.880 I was raised by my family, my mom, um and 0:13:21.960 --> 0:13:24.319 my dad. They were really young when they had me. 0:13:24.840 --> 0:13:29.760 So my mom was thirteen and my dad was seventeen. 0:13:30.960 --> 0:13:36.440 I know, babies having a baby, and so you know, 0:13:38.520 --> 0:13:40.760 you had I had uncles that were young and my 0:13:40.800 --> 0:13:43.080 aunts that were young, and it was a big family. 0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:45.160 So it was a bunch of cousins. And back then 0:13:45.240 --> 0:13:47.640 it was you know, you had your big mama's outside 0:13:47.840 --> 0:13:51.880 and um, everybody knew everybody on the blocks and things 0:13:51.920 --> 0:13:57.360 like that. So between that having young parents and then 0:13:57.600 --> 0:14:03.640 my neighborhood was like gang and drug infested. I tell people, 0:14:04.240 --> 0:14:05.920 when you think about where I grew up, think about 0:14:06.000 --> 0:14:08.960 boys in the hood, right, Yeah, because we we actually 0:14:09.040 --> 0:14:11.760 watched them film that we me and my cousins and 0:14:11.800 --> 0:14:14.160 some other kids in the neighborhood. We walked across the 0:14:14.200 --> 0:14:17.920 tracks and watched them, you know, do some of the filming. Um, 0:14:17.960 --> 0:14:21.680 when you think of Friday between Normandy and Western, Yeah, 0:14:21.680 --> 0:14:24.040 I grew up in between Normandy and Western on Vernon. 0:14:24.440 --> 0:14:28.240 You know what I'm saying. And so, um, I say, 0:14:28.360 --> 0:14:31.800 that's that's my l a. Those are those are my neighborhoods, 0:14:31.840 --> 0:14:35.200 Minister Society, those are my neighborhood. Yeah, I grew up 0:14:35.200 --> 0:14:39.840 in that MM hmm. So, uh, what was it like 0:14:40.000 --> 0:14:42.960 growing up? I mean, you got your family around, it 0:14:43.040 --> 0:14:44.840 was in the hood. What kind of breeding ground was 0:14:44.880 --> 0:14:48.960 this UM for you? You know what it was? It's 0:14:49.000 --> 0:14:51.240 really what the college. So you sound like you you know, 0:14:51.320 --> 0:14:56.560 you were in your studies, so you know what. I'm 0:14:56.600 --> 0:14:59.360 a nerd. I've always been a nerd. I'm definitely cut 0:14:59.400 --> 0:15:04.120 from a different cloth. Um. I was always a straight 0:15:04.160 --> 0:15:06.440 a student. But I think one of the statements that 0:15:06.480 --> 0:15:09.640 I made to a friend of mine is I think 0:15:09.680 --> 0:15:12.280 I was like hit right up right at the womb. 0:15:12.320 --> 0:15:14.920 There was an agenda for me right off the womb 0:15:15.400 --> 0:15:20.600 because my first UM sexual abuse experience was at six 0:15:20.680 --> 0:15:25.760 years old. At six so at the time, my dad, 0:15:25.800 --> 0:15:29.160 I think he was UM in the military and it 0:15:29.240 --> 0:15:33.560 was just my my mother and she left me UM 0:15:33.640 --> 0:15:38.120 with her boyfriend's brother too babysit and at that time 0:15:38.400 --> 0:15:40.800 he well who my mom was dating just so happened 0:15:40.800 --> 0:15:44.320 to be a drug dealer. UM. They went out and 0:15:44.840 --> 0:15:49.000 his brother. She left me with his brother. His brother 0:15:49.040 --> 0:15:52.200 and a girlfriend. They were at the house. So my 0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:56.120 mom and her boyfriend they left and I stayed, right 0:15:56.200 --> 0:15:59.360 I was about six years old, UM, and I stayed 0:15:59.360 --> 0:16:02.720 and I watched cartoons. I thought absolutely nothing of it, right, 0:16:02.800 --> 0:16:06.400 I thought I thought nothing of it. Um, you see 0:16:06.440 --> 0:16:09.000 drugs all the time. You see people slaying all the time. 0:16:09.080 --> 0:16:11.240 You see people, you know, past a bag of a 0:16:11.320 --> 0:16:15.800 dub when we talk about right, and then you know 0:16:15.880 --> 0:16:17.760 with with crack cocaine, you see him put the little 0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:20.040 lines on the table at six year saw this. Yeah, 0:16:20.040 --> 0:16:22.440 I've seen all of it. Right, So, like you're not 0:16:22.480 --> 0:16:24.240 even thinking about that. You just want to watch cartoons, 0:16:24.680 --> 0:16:26.600 you know, I mean you really like that's that that's 0:16:26.640 --> 0:16:30.120 not even that's just that's normal. I just wanna watch cartoons, right, 0:16:30.640 --> 0:16:34.880 And me being six years old, I didn't even think 0:16:34.880 --> 0:16:36.760 to myself, why am I being left with a stranger? 0:16:37.120 --> 0:16:39.000 I didn't think anything else. Was that a normal thing 0:16:39.040 --> 0:16:41.160 to just you know, your mom might drop you off 0:16:41.160 --> 0:16:44.760 load you watch the real quick baby baby sad, you know. 0:16:44.960 --> 0:16:49.320 So I didn't think anything of it. Um. The boyfriend, well, 0:16:49.400 --> 0:16:51.080 the the brother and his girlfriend they got into an 0:16:51.160 --> 0:16:54.120 argument whatever you can you hear them yelling in the background. 0:16:54.200 --> 0:16:59.520 She left, right, she left, and that's when he came 0:16:59.520 --> 0:17:04.919 into the living room and and raped me. Yeah, and 0:17:04.720 --> 0:17:09.080 and it was a very um, it was a very 0:17:09.119 --> 0:17:15.080 brutal experience for me. So again, you gotta tell me, 0:17:16.000 --> 0:17:18.360 like if I'm going too far, if I'm saying anything, 0:17:19.080 --> 0:17:20.920 and you may say hey no and something is a 0:17:21.040 --> 0:17:25.280 common sense, but just to understand, do you remember it, 0:17:25.480 --> 0:17:27.600 because you know some things people shut back, but you 0:17:27.640 --> 0:17:32.800 remember this day? Yeah? I remember, um now, as I 0:17:32.840 --> 0:17:35.800 got older. Once I got older and got into therapy, 0:17:36.080 --> 0:17:39.040 I was able to really go back as an adult, 0:17:39.080 --> 0:17:43.800 as a healed adult too, to process what was going 0:17:43.840 --> 0:17:46.840 on when it was going on. And at that time, 0:17:46.960 --> 0:17:49.600 I had, you know, my little Pocahona's braids, and it 0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:54.640 was a little girl. He took my braids out right. Um, 0:17:54.680 --> 0:17:57.679 I was duct taped, I was, I was tied. It was, 0:17:57.760 --> 0:18:00.920 it was. It was brutal. Um. I just think that 0:18:01.280 --> 0:18:05.000 taking my my pigtails out like my little braids, Um, 0:18:05.040 --> 0:18:07.960 in his mind was making me not look so much 0:18:08.280 --> 0:18:10.320 like a little girl. Of course he was drinking. You 0:18:10.320 --> 0:18:15.000 could smell alcohol, right, But yeah, it was bad. And 0:18:15.040 --> 0:18:19.359 my my fight was not a heavy fight. It was 0:18:19.400 --> 0:18:22.720 an uncomfortable fight. It was a scared fight, not knowing 0:18:22.760 --> 0:18:25.199 what I should be fighting about. And I knew I 0:18:25.240 --> 0:18:27.200 was being hurt and I was scared, and I knew, 0:18:27.320 --> 0:18:29.840 you know, being ducted. Something's not right. This is not 0:18:29.920 --> 0:18:32.520 I'm being about to get a spanking like I had 0:18:32.560 --> 0:18:39.359 no idea. So yeah, what happened after that? UM? I 0:18:39.840 --> 0:18:46.760 do remember maybe about halfway through I I blacked out, 0:18:46.800 --> 0:18:48.920 Like I think I passed out, because all I remember 0:18:49.160 --> 0:18:52.760 was my mom waking me up in the morning and 0:18:53.320 --> 0:19:02.120 um saying, come on, let's go home. I was every everything, 0:19:02.200 --> 0:19:05.280 So I don't know when she came in to see me, 0:19:05.440 --> 0:19:08.080 what she saw. I don't know any of that. I 0:19:08.119 --> 0:19:11.800 just went and I told I end up telling her 0:19:12.200 --> 0:19:14.480 when when we got hung, I was completely quiet. She 0:19:14.480 --> 0:19:18.840 thought something was wrong with me. And what did she say? Um, 0:19:19.640 --> 0:19:22.640 what did you say? Hey ma, what did you say? 0:19:22.960 --> 0:19:28.359 I said, Mommy, that man the his brother, Um, I 0:19:28.440 --> 0:19:31.320 forgot his his name, but I said, mommy, his brother 0:19:31.400 --> 0:19:35.040 put tape on my face and touched my private parts. 0:19:36.040 --> 0:19:39.600 And that's that's what I remember. And she said what 0:19:40.880 --> 0:19:43.479 And I said, he typed me and touched my private 0:19:43.520 --> 0:19:49.960 parts and she said no, and and she said, okay, 0:19:49.960 --> 0:19:53.360 go go go take a nap, Go take a nap. 0:19:54.680 --> 0:19:57.120 And she said, and don't tell anybody, don't tell anybody 0:19:57.160 --> 0:20:00.560 that She's like, let me let me, let me, let 0:20:00.600 --> 0:20:03.040 me talk to your grandmother and go take a nap, 0:20:04.160 --> 0:20:09.760 Go take a nap. Don't tell anybody. Your silence to 0:20:09.800 --> 0:20:17.119 when it happened, and then silenced again after that. So 0:20:17.160 --> 0:20:19.399 when I think of myself, right and I go back, 0:20:19.800 --> 0:20:23.120 I say, okay, my mother was thirteen, right, so at 0:20:23.160 --> 0:20:27.520 six years old, my mother is probably years old a 0:20:27.640 --> 0:20:31.119 twenty year old. What is a twenty year old thinking 0:20:32.119 --> 0:20:34.240 when her child tells her she's been raped? Now I 0:20:34.280 --> 0:20:37.119 have my son at twenty to me that you know 0:20:37.200 --> 0:20:41.040 that that's a death wish. But coming from a family 0:20:41.119 --> 0:20:46.080 of abuse, there's incests in my family. Oh how how 0:20:46.119 --> 0:20:50.280 much time do you have? Um? So? But the first 0:20:50.280 --> 0:20:54.120 time it was not was not family, but the next 0:20:54.119 --> 0:20:59.959 time it was, yeah, okay, So mama said, don't say anything. 0:21:00.200 --> 0:21:04.280 Let me go talk to your grandma. What goes on 0:21:04.480 --> 0:21:12.960 with little Kiota after this? Um man? Fear A lot 0:21:13.040 --> 0:21:15.680 of fear. I felt I got I was going to 0:21:15.760 --> 0:21:19.320 get in trouble. I felt like I did something. I 0:21:19.359 --> 0:21:23.440 felt like, um, I might get a spanking or I 0:21:23.520 --> 0:21:27.600 might be on punishment. Um And it was my mom 0:21:27.800 --> 0:21:33.119 and my mommy said, don't tell anybody, And so I 0:21:33.160 --> 0:21:37.239 didn't say anything to anybody else until my until my 0:21:37.280 --> 0:21:40.680 mother gave me permission, I wasn't going to say anything. 0:21:41.680 --> 0:21:44.679 And that's just that's it. So from me at the 0:21:44.680 --> 0:21:46.720 time that your mother said not to say anything from 0:21:46.720 --> 0:21:49.879 her boyfriend's brother, you said that there was incest in 0:21:49.920 --> 0:21:58.880 your family. When did the incests start? Nine? Yeah? Nine? Um, 0:21:58.960 --> 0:22:02.400 and those on my mother's side, and it was my 0:22:02.560 --> 0:22:07.919 my d O is my uncle Jose And yeah that 0:22:08.119 --> 0:22:14.560 happened for he was on you called about I don't know, okay, yeah, Um, 0:22:14.600 --> 0:22:16.639 it wouldn't be the first time. And my thing is, 0:22:16.680 --> 0:22:20.760 you know, you what what my what? My? You know? 0:22:20.840 --> 0:22:23.720 Keep covering you up. For um, I'm glad you said 0:22:23.720 --> 0:22:25.639 that because I feel like, would I cover you? People 0:22:25.640 --> 0:22:28.119 feel like they got to protect people, just like I 0:22:28.119 --> 0:22:31.399 wonder if it's sometimes like a shame no no, I 0:22:31.560 --> 0:22:35.000 I well for me, maybe they don't want them to 0:22:35.080 --> 0:22:40.159 be shamed. But um, it's my story to tell. And 0:22:40.160 --> 0:22:42.040 and my thing is if if you didn't want to 0:22:42.080 --> 0:22:44.440 be shamed, you shouldn't have done what you did. So 0:22:44.480 --> 0:22:47.399 it's something that because I have to carry that the 0:22:47.440 --> 0:22:49.679 rest of my life. I can't erase my memory. You 0:22:49.680 --> 0:22:52.240 don't get to erase yours. You don't get to forget 0:22:52.240 --> 0:22:54.560 yours because you know I've hushed and I don't want 0:22:54.560 --> 0:22:57.240 to call you out. I don't. I don't mind. Um, 0:22:57.240 --> 0:23:00.960 it is what it is. But three years of of that, 0:23:02.320 --> 0:23:06.240 you know, and it stopped because he went to prison. 0:23:06.520 --> 0:23:09.199 You know, he did his third strike. He was on drugs. 0:23:09.240 --> 0:23:12.000 He was he was the oldest. He was on drugs. 0:23:12.520 --> 0:23:17.000 Um very protected um by my grandmother, my aunt. You know, 0:23:17.240 --> 0:23:20.639 everyone had sympathy for him. Why are they leaving you 0:23:20.760 --> 0:23:23.800 around him? I'm sure this isn't the first time and 0:23:23.840 --> 0:23:26.000 pardoned me. As I say this, I'm not as an 0:23:26.000 --> 0:23:28.720 attack on your family. I'm just wondering if someone is 0:23:28.760 --> 0:23:31.600 thinking that such as a behavior as like this has happened, 0:23:33.240 --> 0:23:36.719 what would think, Well, where is kioa? When when when 0:23:37.040 --> 0:23:42.480 uncle or Tia Jose is you know like yeah, um, 0:23:42.640 --> 0:23:44.520 people were just doing getting by doing they gotta do. 0:23:44.680 --> 0:23:47.200 Everybody was doing what they wanted to do. Would happen 0:23:47.280 --> 0:23:51.200 usually very late, um at night in the evening and 0:23:51.400 --> 0:23:54.360 people were sleep, um, and he would just come into 0:23:54.359 --> 0:23:59.320 the come into the bedroom, you know, or you know, 0:23:59.400 --> 0:24:03.080 I'd have I'd sleep, want pull out couch or I'd 0:24:03.119 --> 0:24:06.879 fall asleep watching cartoons in one of the other rooms 0:24:06.960 --> 0:24:09.400 or in the den, and he would come in late 0:24:09.400 --> 0:24:13.879