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Speaker 1: Idiot coworker wants me to get the manager to punish me. Okay, sure,

2
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Speaker 1: but you're not gonna like what happens next.

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Speaker 2: I mean, this is like, why would op want to

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Speaker 2: be punished? Why would they ask for the punishment unless

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Speaker 2: they're into like BDSM or something. Punish me please, daddy.

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Speaker 1: Which but it's work related. But it's like, yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: you didn't meet your Q four quotas. Oh god, your

8
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Speaker 1: retention is down four percent month of a month. O.

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Speaker 1: My company takes safety very seriously, to the point where

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Speaker 1: we have safety briefings on the regular to keep us updated.

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Speaker 1: Yesterday we had a talk on compact or safety, which

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Speaker 1: is like giant machine to just.

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Speaker 2: Like compact stuff. Yeah, one of.

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Speaker 1: Our big rules is to never ever, under any circumstances,

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Speaker 1: climb into the compactor unless it's unhooked from power sources.

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Speaker 2: Oh dude, why would you ever climb into Why would you?

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Speaker 2: I feel like that's just just a recipe for disease.

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Speaker 2: That's that's like a final destination. Yeah, getting crushed by

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Speaker 2: a combattor sounds like I gotta be one of the

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Speaker 2: worst ways to go.

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Speaker 1: Because also you have like a few seconds where you

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Speaker 1: know what's happening instantly.

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Speaker 2: Sounds like common sense?

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Speaker 1: Right, yes, well, dear reader, as you're about to learn,

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Speaker 1: apparently common sense ain't that common.

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Speaker 2: It ain't that comment anymore, at least in the US.

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Speaker 2: Everyone out here being crazy.

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Speaker 1: After getting our briefing, we get our assignments and are

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Speaker 1: scent on our merry way. I go to my area,

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Speaker 1: clean it and pull the trash. As I'm walking to

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Speaker 1: the compactor, what I say, sticking out of it is

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Speaker 1: two browsered legs that must.

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Speaker 2: Be a human hopefully hopefully living, hopefully living after the

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Speaker 2: shock lasting in nanosecond war off, I started yelling, what

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Speaker 2: do you do when you idiot? Don't go crawling around

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Speaker 2: in there? I know I shouldn't have yelled, but I

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Speaker 2: was so mad. Dude, Well, I mean definitely yell get

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Speaker 2: the fuck out of there, man quickly.

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Speaker 1: How do you stop someone from like doing something so

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Speaker 1: dangerous like that? Like? What else do you do? Maybe

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Speaker 1: darty idiots like I don't know what, like you have

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Speaker 1: to yell at them, thanking get out. I'm about to

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Speaker 1: keep pack that booty. Well, mister fell out of it

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Speaker 1: and then starts.

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Speaker 2: Yelling at me. Now you go yelling at me, where's

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Speaker 2: your manager? Get mere run now, I'm really destroying my

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Speaker 2: being an eighty goddamn oh man.

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Speaker 1: Also, I don't know why we always go to the

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Speaker 1: Southern accents.

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Speaker 2: It's just so funny.

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Speaker 1: At this point, melicious compliance mode has been activated. I

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Speaker 1: put on my sweetest smile and say, of course, I'm

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Speaker 1: so sorry.

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Speaker 2: Let me get my manager here.

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Speaker 1: Mister idiot smirks and is like, girl, I call my

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Speaker 1: manager over it, and I ask her check it out. Meanwhile,

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Speaker 1: mister idiot is smiling like the cat who got the cream.

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Speaker 1: Maybe they are Southern.

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Speaker 2: Never heard that phrase? Yeah, it sounds like a Southern phrase.

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Speaker 2: Neither have I.

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Speaker 1: I'm fighting to keep from smiling because my manager, Miss Heroin,

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Speaker 1: as in the hero take safety as seriously as I do.

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Speaker 1: I've seen her reduce full men to tears over safety issues.

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Speaker 1: Miss Heroin shows up and mister idiot says, you should

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Speaker 1: treat your workers, not to yale yay. Miss Heroin turns

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Speaker 1: to me and says, and why well you yelling at him?

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Speaker 1: Because I call him climbing into the compactor and I

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Speaker 1: was scared he'd be done crushed up. Mister idiot goes

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Speaker 1: from looking like a contented cat to looking like a

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Speaker 1: scolded hutred dog.

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Speaker 2: You smelly.

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Speaker 1: After a sweet verbal thrashing, Miss Heroin calls mister idiot's manager.

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Speaker 1: Within thirty minutes, mister idiot was clearing out his desk,

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Speaker 1: still smelling of garbage.

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Speaker 2: Oh shit, so you got fired.

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Speaker 1: Gotross sometimes the real crushed in the compactor.

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Speaker 2: That's what I learned.

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Speaker 1: Has anyone There's gotta be someone that watches, that's worked

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Speaker 1: on the compactor, somebody, Yeah right, tell us your crazy

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Speaker 1: compactor story.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and please hopefully you haven't lost any limbs.

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Speaker 1: And no trousered legs hanging out at the bottom. Real quick, though,

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Speaker 1: do you think mister idiot was the whole? I mean,

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Speaker 1: mister idiot for sure is the a hole.

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Speaker 2: What I would love for like everyone to answer, is, like,

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Speaker 2: is opal actually is? It's actually because like, yes, that

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Speaker 2: guy wasn't supposed to be in there, and he was,

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Speaker 2: you know how that shit eating grin was kind of

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Speaker 2: like a dick. But ope, he basically took the actions

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Speaker 2: that got him fired. So does he does he deserve that?

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Speaker 2: Maybe he does. Yeah, that's a pretty hard hammer to drop.

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Speaker 1: So my girlfriend thinks I hooked up with an underaged housekeeper.

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Speaker 2: Okayop, this is okayop. I'm Samuel Donner and I'm John

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Speaker 2: Fry and we tell the funniest stories on the internet.

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Speaker 1: Sam, have you ever had a mishap where nothing actually

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Speaker 1: went wrong, but there might have been an interaction where

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Speaker 1: a girl, a girlfriend or lady friend might have perceived

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Speaker 1: that as a nefarious.

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Speaker 2: Maybe not nefarious, but my girlfriend always, uh, my girlfriend

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Speaker 2: gets mad at me a lot for thing dumb things

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Speaker 2: I say. I tend to be blunt in my conversations. Like,

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Speaker 2: for example, when I was in Hawaii, she was like

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Speaker 2: I was with like Christian and some of my other

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Speaker 2: friends and we were just like chilling, and like Arianna

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Speaker 2: called and she's like, how's Hawaii? And I'm like, my

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Speaker 2: girlfriend's not there. She wanted to go but she couldn't

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Speaker 2: make it. And I'm like, it's literally perfect. I can't

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Speaker 2: think of anything else that would make this trip better.

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Speaker 2: I loved it so much. And Christian elbows be and

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Speaker 2: he's like, bruh, you're talking to your girlfriend, I mean.

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Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh, I mean it, it would make

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Speaker 2: a better view were here. So I put my foot

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Speaker 2: in my mouth a lot. That one.

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Speaker 1: I would let you slide just because you're just like

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Speaker 1: embracing the moment, the loveliness around you, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: Like that one I've gotta give past, you know. Oh

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Speaker 1: my goodness. Well, today we have a situation where something

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Speaker 1: happens and the guy is in a not great situation

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Speaker 1: that is not actually his false and okay, let's interesting.

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Speaker 1: My girlfriend thinks I hooked up with an underaged housekeeper.

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Speaker 2: Oh god, not a good look at all. Yeah, not great.

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Speaker 1: So due to personal and travel reasons, me twenty six male,

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Speaker 1: and my girlfriend twenty four female, live in a military hotel.

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Speaker 1: We've stayed in many hotels over the span of five years,

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Speaker 1: but lived at this one for almost a full year now.

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Speaker 1: And at this one, a housekeeper knocks on our door.

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Speaker 1: They knock on every door to ask if we need service.

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Speaker 1: I don't feel harassed or bothered by them, so I

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Speaker 1: always let them inside, unless it's the weekend and I'm

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Speaker 1: sleeping in. My girlfriend usually declines if she answers the door,

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Speaker 1: which again I don't mind because I'll just ask next

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Speaker 1: time for towels, trash, etc. Now, recently, these past three months,

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Speaker 1: we have a new housekeeper. She's a high school female

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Speaker 1: around seventeen and is very kind and very funny. I

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Speaker 1: am in no way interested in her. She's a child,

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Speaker 1: she's the same age as my sister. I only speak

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Speaker 1: to her about the room, linen changed, cleaning times, etc.

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Speaker 1: All right, all professional, all professional. Over the last few weeks,

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Speaker 1: I've been chatting with the girl about games, TV shows,

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Speaker 1: small talk or whatever, just while she's cleaning, so it's

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Speaker 1: not awkward. I started to look forward to it since

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Speaker 1: we were both keeping up on Euphoria, a TV series,

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Speaker 1: and since my girlfriend doesn't watch it, that was nice

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Speaker 1: to get all hyped up with someone about it.

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Speaker 2: And also is a TV series about underage people. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: you hook you up and doing drugs. Irony has not

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Speaker 2: lost us.

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Speaker 1: I ran into our housekeeper coming out of the elevator

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Speaker 1: and into the lobby on Saturday, and she asked how

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Speaker 1: excited I was for the new episode. I lost my

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Speaker 1: entire train of thought and we just talked for about

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Speaker 1: five minutes about what we think is going to happen

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Speaker 1: and how I was so ready for the next episode.

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Speaker 1: I left after that and she wished me a good day,

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Speaker 1: and my girlfriend was standing by the main doors looking.

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Speaker 1: I thought she was mad I made her wait so long,

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Speaker 1: but she ended up saying things like replacing me already,

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Speaker 1: and oh no, why don't you hold the door open

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Speaker 1: for me. You'd probably do it for your new girlfriend.

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Speaker 2: Oh god.

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Speaker 1: I laughed and dismissed it, because the girl's a child.

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Speaker 1: She's seventeen, and I have no sexual or romantic interest

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Speaker 1: in her. Yeah, even if she was a minor. I'm

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Speaker 1: only interested in my girlfriend that way. This girl is

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Speaker 1: just someone who happens to share a common interest as

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Speaker 1: me that I see occasionally.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you can talk about TV shows like this. This

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Speaker 2: girlfriend should not be jealous. The next day, I wash

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Speaker 2: up around two for a date with my girlfriend. She's

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Speaker 2: out getting her nails done and I'm doing my thing,

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Speaker 2: fresh out of the shower, and I didn't hear, but

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Speaker 2: there was a knock since I was showering at that moment,

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Speaker 2: and our housekeeper must have come in just as I

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Speaker 2: was turning the shower off. She's holding a bunch of linen,

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Speaker 2: probably to change the sheets since she thinks that the

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Speaker 2: room is empty.

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Speaker 1: I walk out of the bathroom, she walks into the

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Speaker 1: main room, and we both immediately stop. She immediately apologizes

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Speaker 1: and leaves, but my girlfriend is coming into the room

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Speaker 1: and sees me with a towel around my waist. Oh no,

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Speaker 1: I know. The whole thing is a terrible series of

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Speaker 1: events to see ah, and my girlfriend is convinced something's

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Speaker 1: happening between us. I'm not mad about her lack of

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Speaker 1: trust when it seems that she has the clear evidence

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Speaker 1: that is, assuming I'm cheated based off what she saw.

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Speaker 1: I'm just upset that she thinks I would touch a kid.

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Speaker 1: This girl is seventeen, and I'm not into that. We

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Speaker 1: argued for hours, and I keep repeating this point as

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Speaker 1: my main argument. I would never cheat, and you know that.

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Speaker 1: But babe, this girl is seventeen. She's a kid. Do

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Speaker 1: you hear yourself? She kept repeating that the girl is

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Speaker 1: practically an adult. I felt so sick. She's the same

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Speaker 1: age as my younger sister, and I hope no one

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Speaker 1: says that about her when she's still in high school.

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Speaker 1: I asked my girlfriends for space, but she thinks this

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Speaker 1: further proves her theory of cheating.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, oh no, then my girl can't win. You

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Speaker 2: can't wait, can't win.

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Speaker 1: Then my girlfriend contacted the girl superior and the girls

200
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Speaker 1: shared the same story as me.

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Speaker 2: Is the girlfriend trying to get this housekeeper fired?

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Speaker 1: It seems so Oh no, I'm not sure what happened

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00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,320
Speaker 1: in that case, but I'm not sure how.

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Speaker 2: To proceed from here. Oh.

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Speaker 1: I know how this seems to my girlfriend, and I

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Speaker 1: can understand why she took it that way. But I

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Speaker 1: don't want to be with someone who can view me.

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Speaker 2: As a pedophile.

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Speaker 1: I don't care if the girl is seventeen or freshly

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Speaker 1: seventeen or whatever. I hate that my girlfriend thinks I

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Speaker 1: would ever do anything like that. And there is an update.

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Speaker 2: There's an update. I hope it gets resolved and it's

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Speaker 2: all peaceful and nice.

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Speaker 1: Yes, So me and my girlfriend talked things out and

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Speaker 1: brought it to an end. Housekeeper was present with a

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Speaker 1: supervisor three hours ago when we when we addressed the

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Speaker 1: whole situation. In the end, it was nothing more than

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Speaker 1: my girlfriend than my girlfriend projecting because she herself had

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Speaker 1: slept with the hotel groundsman and thought that she was

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Speaker 1: seeing a sign of unfaithfulness from me when it was

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Speaker 1: nothing of the sort.

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Speaker 2: Wait, what yep, Opie's girlfriend, she was.

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Speaker 1: The guilty one.

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Speaker 2: I'm moving on, Tellson.

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Speaker 1: Around two weeks once I sort the paperwork out with

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Speaker 1: my chief, and I know the situation is crappy, but

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Speaker 1: thank you to everyone who gave some good advice.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, got wrecked.

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Speaker 1: The one thing I will say is like, op, He's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: it's it's uh, you know, how how could you think

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Speaker 1: I could touch someone? Like those situations happened, so, like

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, like ya, I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I don't blame.

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Speaker 1: I know the girlfriend was projecting and everything, but like

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Speaker 1: you know, those those are our precarious situations.

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Speaker 2: But in the end of the day, the girlfriend cheated,

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Speaker 2: so she was Yeah, but damn that that whole situation sucks.

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Speaker 2: But you know it doesn't suck. Oh my goodness.

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Speaker 1: Subscribing to your friends, okop.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Subscribe on YouTube, follow us on TikTok and Spotify.

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Speaker 2: If you want to be a real one, support us

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Speaker 2: on Patreon.

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Speaker 1: Join the ranks of Mohammad, Amanda Wilcomes, Connor Van Buren,

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Speaker 1: does It, Wry Canterbury, Keegan Simmons, and Kathy Quigley, And

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Speaker 1: we'll sing you next time, baby, See your soon.