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Speaker 1: My roommate left out rotting food all summer, trying to

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Speaker 1: destroy his family heirloom or ruin his beautiful garden. Okayop,

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Speaker 1: this is okay, Op, I'm saying his honor, and we

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Speaker 1: tell the the reas on the internet. John, Yes, uh,

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Speaker 1: you got a green thumb up your bum.

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Speaker 2: Uh. I wish everything I touch kind of dies, to be.

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Speaker 1: Honest, don't touch me, man, I'll get those got those

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Speaker 1: grubby paws out of my filthy drought.

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Speaker 2: Trying to plant that scene.

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Speaker 1: The only John's plant that's right is in his lady.

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Speaker 1: Just get it, just get it, you pull us out.

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Speaker 2: So keeping a g rateed this morning, gentleman.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, not much of a not much of a noun.

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Speaker 2: To summarize.

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Speaker 1: Well, I got a story about someone who is anti planting.

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Speaker 2: Oh okay, we'll see.

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Speaker 1: Okay, my roommate left out rotting food all summer, trying

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Speaker 1: to destroy his family heirloom or ruin his beautiful garden.

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Speaker 2: Why not both.

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Speaker 1: Destroy all of his possessions, destroy himself and his self esteem.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, that's another thing we can take out.

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Speaker 1: In college, lease was up on our apartment I shared

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Speaker 1: with another student. I had a vacation the second week

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Speaker 1: before move out, and he was going on vacation and

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Speaker 1: moving out before I got back from vacation. A lot

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Speaker 1: of vacations is a lot of muications. Everyone's taking vacations,

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Speaker 1: no one's there. Goodness, So we have planned and agreed

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Speaker 1: to what each of us was responsible for cleaning before

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Speaker 1: I left on my vaca. Okay, vaka okay okay okay. However,

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Speaker 1: when I got home and he was already gone, I

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Speaker 1: saw he had used my dishes to cook and to eat.

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Speaker 2: Excuse me, but he did not even wash them.

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Speaker 1: He cleaned his part of the apartment and took his

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Speaker 1: own dishes, but he left my gross mess of rotting

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Speaker 1: food on my dishes, disgusting. No notes, no apology, no nothing,

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Speaker 1: just a little fu on his way out the door.

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Speaker 1: The incredible thing was he didn't even finish moving his

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Speaker 1: own stuff, but we had to be out before he

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Speaker 1: would return from his vacation. It was pretty incredible because

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Speaker 1: he left the two things most valuable to him. One

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Speaker 1: was an heirloom painting from his grandma, and the other

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Speaker 1: was a collection of herbs he'd been growing for years.

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Speaker 2: Herbs, herbs, herbs.

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Speaker 1: We'd talk in plaze four twenty herbs, or we talk

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Speaker 1: in Oregano Baby. Looking at all the containers that comprise

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Speaker 1: his garden, I realized I had a few choices. Here

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Speaker 1: are those choices, in order of least work to the

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Speaker 1: most work.

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Speaker 2: I feel like we need like a game show theme

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Speaker 2: song on the side on this season of I Am

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Speaker 2: a dick roommates?

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Speaker 1: What should I destroy of my roommate's possessions?

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Speaker 2: Hey? Kill them? It is Hey, I will murdery dollars,

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Speaker 2: all right.

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Speaker 1: Number one, Take them to the next door neighbor who

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Speaker 1: we were friends with, for that friend to keep for

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Speaker 1: a week, Make multiple trips down the hall, down the stairs,

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Speaker 1: past the parking area, past the next building, and then

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Speaker 1: toss them one by one in a commercial garbage bin.

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Speaker 1: Make a special moving trip or two just for those herbs,

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Speaker 1: to carefully transport them to my new place, and then

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Speaker 1: load them and care for them for another week until

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Speaker 1: he got back. I'm an asshole, so number three was

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Speaker 1: out of the question.

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Speaker 2: We're just we're just getting straight to the.

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Speaker 1: Point Number two with a lot more work over number one.

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Speaker 1: But this is petty revenge, so I'm gonna do number two.

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Speaker 1: When he returned and heard from mutual friends that I

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Speaker 1: dumped his prize garden. He apparently got quite upset.

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Speaker 2: Oopsie, oop oops did I do that?

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Speaker 1: I didn't give a flying frick. I wasn't afraid of

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Speaker 1: him to begin with, and I still had his grandma's painting,

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Speaker 1: so if he did anything, that painting is being burned

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Speaker 1: to the ground.

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Speaker 2: Or use it as a shield.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, if you want to hit me, you gotta get

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Speaker 1: your grandma. Anyways, he comes over and starts yelling at

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Speaker 1: me about how much his urb garden is where blah

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Speaker 1: blah blah. I said, that's his problem now.

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Speaker 3: Ooh, he should have cleaned up his shit. He should

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Speaker 3: have cleaned up my dishes after using them, and should

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Speaker 3: have not left food out in the summer when he

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Speaker 3: knew I wouldn't return for.

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Speaker 2: A few days.

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Speaker 1: He was a little embarrassed when our friends looked at him, like, bro,

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Speaker 1: what a dick move leaving your dishes out. You deserve

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Speaker 1: your whole herb garden being destroyed, your grandma's family heirloom

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Speaker 1: being mutilated.

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Speaker 2: Which is a bit extreme.

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Speaker 1: WI, Yeah, a little extreme. Anyway, It's still mad, but

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Speaker 1: more whining than yelling. I told him to wait a moment.

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Speaker 1: I went back to the room and brought out his

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Speaker 1: grandma's painting. Everyone knew about the painting. They were shocked

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Speaker 1: that one he pulled a dick move, and two left

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Speaker 1: his whole garden, and three left that painting giving him

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Speaker 1: the painting. I told him he's lucky. I say, the

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Speaker 1: painting and and the loss of her and the loss

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Speaker 1: of herbs was a good lesson for him. He was

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Speaker 1: ticked off again, triple loopsie. We went to the same

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Speaker 1: college in a small towns So although I never hung

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Speaker 1: out with him again, I heard about him from friends

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Speaker 1: every now and then for the next two years. I

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Speaker 1: heard every once in a while that he was still

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Speaker 1: pissed off because it cost him one hundreds of dollars

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Speaker 1: and many months to replace that garden.

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Speaker 2: Well, you know, I think his whole friend group was

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Speaker 2: a little extreme.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, rude.

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Speaker 1: I mean, like he was only there, Like he was

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Speaker 1: only gone a few more days.

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Speaker 2: What would what would you have done if you were

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Speaker 2: in that scenario. I would have moved the herbs, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: he could have. He could have at least like just

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Speaker 2: been like, hey, your stuff is here, and like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: what you want me to do with me? Yeah? Just

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Speaker 2: I would move the herbs. Yeah, it's not that big

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Speaker 2: of a yo.