1 00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:10,080 Speaker 1: Welcome to the ten Minute Storyteller. That's me Bill Simpson, 2 00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:15,040 Speaker 1: your host, narrator and author. We hear at the ten 3 00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:19,720 Speaker 1: minute Storyteller endeavor to entertain you with tall tales or 4 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:24,880 Speaker 1: rendered swiftly and with the utmost empathy. We pledge to 5 00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:29,520 Speaker 1: pack as much entertainment, emotion, and exploration into the human 6 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:35,640 Speaker 1: condition as ten minutes will permit. Mini novels on steroids. 7 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:45,600 Speaker 1: This week we meet Rex. Rex is a retired long 8 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:51,080 Speaker 1: haul trucker. He thinks America is in a death spiral 9 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:55,600 Speaker 1: and longs for the past, for those older, simpler days 10 00:00:55,600 --> 00:01:01,360 Speaker 1: when men were men and women women. Decides to go 11 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:06,479 Speaker 1: for a hike where he stumbles and is saved by 12 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:17,880 Speaker 1: the future. Oh those queer saviors, Olive and Dove. Rex 13 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:21,600 Speaker 1: is out in the garage cleaning his guns when the 14 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:25,600 Speaker 1: urge hits him to take a walk. No, not a walk, 15 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:29,800 Speaker 1: a hike. Yeah, a hike, a manly slog out in 16 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:33,319 Speaker 1: the woods, maybe up at the water gap. Sure, why not, 17 00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:37,319 Speaker 1: he'd hike the gap. He hadn't hiked the gap in years, 18 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:42,720 Speaker 1: not since Olive was a kid. He texts some buds 19 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:46,640 Speaker 1: to see if anyone's interested, but it being a Tuesday, 20 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:50,040 Speaker 1: most of the gangs at work or at the docks, 21 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 1: getting their colons or their prostates checked. Rex decides to 22 00:01:56,880 --> 00:02:02,320 Speaker 1: tackle the hike solo man against him Mountain. Rex is, 23 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:06,880 Speaker 1: after all, a man's man, a throwback, a man who 24 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:10,800 Speaker 1: can fix his own lawnmower, patch, his own roof, change 25 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:16,360 Speaker 1: his own oil indoor a headache without aspirin or ibuprofen. 26 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:21,960 Speaker 1: Rex is retired, has been for a few years now, 27 00:02:22,639 --> 00:02:27,160 Speaker 1: retired at forty eight. Twenty two years as a long 28 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:30,919 Speaker 1: haul trucker kicked the crap out of his kidneys and 29 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:36,040 Speaker 1: low back gave him migraines that felt like vesuvious exploding. 30 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:40,200 Speaker 1: Rex has plenty of dough in the bank, though some 31 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:45,960 Speaker 1: years back his father, a minor and enthusiastic supporter of 32 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:50,720 Speaker 1: Jim Beam, bought a winning lottery ticket worth almost three 33 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:56,160 Speaker 1: hundred grand. But just weeks after collecting this dough, the 34 00:02:56,280 --> 00:03:03,560 Speaker 1: old man succumbed to blacklong as Rex's mother and sister 35 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:09,440 Speaker 1: had already passed. Rex inherited the stash close to two 36 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:16,040 Speaker 1: hundred grand after taxes, legal fees, and other expenses. Plus 37 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:20,679 Speaker 1: Rex's wife, Bess, who sleeps in the guest room down 38 00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:24,239 Speaker 1: the hall, and communicates with her husband only under duress. 39 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:28,239 Speaker 1: Makes a very nice buck as an RN over at 40 00:03:28,639 --> 00:03:35,960 Speaker 1: Lehigh Valley Hospital in Stroudsburg. First thing Rex did after 41 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:41,320 Speaker 1: retiring was all ass down to Washington for Trump's January 42 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:45,960 Speaker 1: sixth rally to demand a recount of the votes. Rex 43 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:50,520 Speaker 1: believed one hundred percent that the demes and their hucksters 44 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:54,880 Speaker 1: had stolen the election. The country had gone to the 45 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:58,760 Speaker 1: dogs and of course the immigrants, and without a shadow 46 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,720 Speaker 1: of a doubt, Donald JA. Trump had been sent by 47 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:07,280 Speaker 1: God to clean up the mess. Now, Rex isn't a 48 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:12,640 Speaker 1: particularly religious fellow, but he does believe America was chosen 49 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:16,360 Speaker 1: by God as the home of the righteous white men 50 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:21,239 Speaker 1: who were meant to rule the world while leading good, clean, 51 00:04:21,839 --> 00:04:28,800 Speaker 1: respectable lives. All other races and genders, Rex believes need 52 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,560 Speaker 1: to take a back seat to the whites. To the 53 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:38,720 Speaker 1: white man, Whites are the chosen people, superior in every way, smarter, bolder, 54 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:42,600 Speaker 1: and have done far more to advance humankind than all 55 00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:49,120 Speaker 1: the other races combined. Additionally, Rex doesn't buy into the 56 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:54,960 Speaker 1: whole gender equality thing. Sure, okay, women have their place. 57 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:59,360 Speaker 1: Of course, they're good at nursing and teaching and taking 58 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:03,360 Speaker 1: care of the case at home, but the rest of it, Hell, 59 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:07,360 Speaker 1: stand by and stand back and let the white guys 60 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:11,320 Speaker 1: handle it. No, okay, it's not always a popular position. 61 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:15,560 Speaker 1: Rex knows that, but he also knows it's the right position. 62 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:22,719 Speaker 1: And finally, the whole gay, queer transgender thing, what a croc. 63 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:27,200 Speaker 1: Men are men and girls are girls? Jesus, what could 64 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:33,080 Speaker 1: be simpler God's way or the highway? Over beers at 65 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:38,120 Speaker 1: the bangor brewhub. Rex has more than once opined forty 66 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:41,640 Speaker 1: years hunting, forty years hunting, I ain't never seen a 67 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:45,240 Speaker 1: queer buck or a gay bear never. And as for 68 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:49,800 Speaker 1: turkey hens, not once, not one time, have I ever 69 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:53,800 Speaker 1: blinked my eyes and seen one turn into a gobbler. 70 00:05:55,040 --> 00:06:02,080 Speaker 1: Never now. Oddly, when drooling over poorn on his HP laptop, 71 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:08,239 Speaker 1: Rex sometimes feels a swell of excitement over a particularly 72 00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:16,760 Speaker 1: muscular mail body, especially colored male bodies endowed with outsized appendages. 73 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:21,640 Speaker 1: Of course, he quickly scrolls away. It doesn't for a 74 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:26,719 Speaker 1: nanosecond give in to that temptation. When the rally in 75 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:30,760 Speaker 1: Washington turned raucous and the defeated president called for a 76 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:35,440 Speaker 1: march on the Capitol, Rex caught a lucky break He 77 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:39,200 Speaker 1: was all gun ho to storm the Capitol, string up 78 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:42,400 Speaker 1: Pence and Pelosi, take back once and for all his 79 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:48,480 Speaker 1: beautiful country. When suddenly, passing by the National Children's Museum, 80 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:54,200 Speaker 1: his cell bone buzzed. It was Bess. Their daughter, Olive, 81 00:06:54,680 --> 00:07:01,320 Speaker 1: a frosh at East Stroudsburg University, had just confessed she 82 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:06,520 Speaker 1: was a lesbian and had been for years. Well, Rex, 83 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,840 Speaker 1: he was torn assault the Capitol and save the Union, 84 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,440 Speaker 1: or high tail it back to Banger and deal with 85 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:18,320 Speaker 1: this queer bolognay. Rex decided to head home, and a 86 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:21,680 Speaker 1: good thing too, as he had a pea shooter secreted 87 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:26,560 Speaker 1: away in his right combat boot. That weapon, in cahoots 88 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:31,480 Speaker 1: with Rex's infamous hair trigger temper, would surely have led 89 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:35,000 Speaker 1: to ten to twenty in the slammer for treason and 90 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:41,880 Speaker 1: maybe shooting a federal police officer. Well now it's some 91 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:46,600 Speaker 1: years later, but Rex still has the fire in his belly, 92 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:50,960 Speaker 1: still a trump Man, still wants to make America great again, 93 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:56,480 Speaker 1: still willing to do just about anything to assure Pennsylvania 94 00:07:56,800 --> 00:08:02,040 Speaker 1: goes for Trump. Sure after the big blowout with his daughter, 95 00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:06,520 Speaker 1: wants his pride and joy the apple of his eye. 96 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:10,400 Speaker 1: Olive moved out moved in with some babe with an 97 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:15,560 Speaker 1: apartment just off campus, and Rex has barely seen her since. 98 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:20,240 Speaker 1: There's a pain in Rex's head where his daughter used 99 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:25,160 Speaker 1: to reside. But he hunts and fishes and roams the country, 100 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:29,400 Speaker 1: attending rallies to suppress the ache. In the agony he 101 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:34,760 Speaker 1: assures himself, however, assures himself almost daily that he is 102 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:38,079 Speaker 1: in the right and she is in the wrong, nothing 103 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:42,120 Speaker 1: but another victim of the liberal bias destroying the country. 104 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:48,960 Speaker 1: Rex hates crossing the Delaware and entering the Marxist bastion 105 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:52,880 Speaker 1: of New Jersey, but today he makes an exception. He 106 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:57,000 Speaker 1: prefers the Jersey Hike to the Gap over the Pennsylvania Hike. 107 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,920 Speaker 1: To the top of the gap. He parks his pickup 108 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:04,640 Speaker 1: and sets off at a determined pace. Just about no 109 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,400 Speaker 1: other cars in the lot, so Rex figures to have 110 00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:10,880 Speaker 1: the trail pretty much all to himself. On a Tuesday afternoon, 111 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:17,160 Speaker 1: the terrain begins to rise almost immediately, pretty steep too. 112 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:21,920 Speaker 1: He follows the blue markers emblazoned on the trees every 113 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 1: fifty feet or so. The trail is littered with red 114 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:29,760 Speaker 1: and yellow autumn leaves. The trees are a blaze of 115 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:33,800 Speaker 1: color under a deep blue sky tempts in the low 116 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:40,679 Speaker 1: sixties perfect hiking weather. About halfway to the summit, Having 117 00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:45,000 Speaker 1: not seen a soul, Rex emerges from the trees onto 118 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:50,920 Speaker 1: a vast stone promontory overlooking the Delaware far below. He 119 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:55,120 Speaker 1: pauses to enjoy the visual feast and to calm his 120 00:09:55,400 --> 00:10:00,720 Speaker 1: rapid breathing and pounding heart. Not certain he has the 121 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:06,280 Speaker 1: endurance to reach the summit, he nevertheless carries on God. 122 00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:09,120 Speaker 1: He thinks, in the old days, I could sprint to 123 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:14,280 Speaker 1: the top of this damn mountain. I'm getting old. Fallen 124 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:19,400 Speaker 1: leaves scattered across the outcropping obscure the blue trail markers 125 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:23,720 Speaker 1: painted on the rock. Rex loses the trail. He grows 126 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:28,160 Speaker 1: a touch panicky as his lungs gasp and his heart roars. 127 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:33,120 Speaker 1: Sweat pours off his brow. He bends over, hands on knees, 128 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:38,000 Speaker 1: struggles to catch his breath. An animal suddenly rustles in 129 00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:42,040 Speaker 1: the underbrush, and Rex, startled, takes a quick step back 130 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,880 Speaker 1: off the trail and over the edge, asks over tea kettle. 131 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:50,120 Speaker 1: He comes to rest on a narrow ledge some ten 132 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:54,360 Speaker 1: or twelve feet below, landing on his back. The wind 133 00:10:54,559 --> 00:10:57,960 Speaker 1: whistles out of his lungs, but he takes a deep 134 00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:00,840 Speaker 1: breath and he thinks, I'm okay, I'm just shook up 135 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:04,440 Speaker 1: until he looks down at his ankle and sees the 136 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:11,000 Speaker 1: jagged bone sticking through the flesh. He screams, vomits, and 137 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:15,760 Speaker 1: soon thereafter goes into shock For an hour or more. 138 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:20,440 Speaker 1: He lies there, blood oozing, pain, searing, half out of 139 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:24,319 Speaker 1: his wits. When he can remember, he calls out for help, 140 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:31,120 Speaker 1: but his voice sounds barely above a whisper. Olive and Dove, 141 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:38,679 Speaker 1: seniors at East Stroudsburg University, studying to be teachers, purveyors 142 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:43,760 Speaker 1: of knowledge, krantz along the trail hand in hand, arms 143 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:49,280 Speaker 1: swinging gleeful voices, talking both at once about the gorgeous 144 00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:54,360 Speaker 1: sky and Kamilaw and their cute psychology teacher. And when 145 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:57,560 Speaker 1: the time comes, should they adopt or go with some 146 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:02,320 Speaker 1: form of IVF. They decide it would be very cool 147 00:12:02,559 --> 00:12:08,000 Speaker 1: to each carry a baby to term? Can you, asks Olive. 148 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:11,600 Speaker 1: I don't know, says Dove, who used to be don, 149 00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:15,920 Speaker 1: but it sure would be fun to try. Wait, says Olive, Wait, 150 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:19,319 Speaker 1: what was that? I think I heard someone someone calling? 151 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:24,040 Speaker 1: They stop, look over the edge and see Rex lying 152 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:28,560 Speaker 1: there between a rock and a hard place. Dad calls Olive. 153 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:34,360 Speaker 1: Wait what, asks Dove, that's your father. Olive nods. He 154 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:36,480 Speaker 1: used to bring me here hiking when I was a 155 00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:39,280 Speaker 1: kid and he was a father. Well, we need to 156 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:42,880 Speaker 1: get him out of there. Well, God no, declares Olive. 157 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:45,679 Speaker 1: It's best to leave him there, time for his kind 158 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:52,400 Speaker 1: to wither away Olive. Olive smiles. Okay, I guess you're right, Dove. 159 00:12:52,679 --> 00:13:01,319 Speaker 1: We best lend him a helping hand. Thanks for listening 160 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:07,080 Speaker 1: to this original audio presentation of Oh Those Queer Saviors 161 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:11,600 Speaker 1: Olive and Dove, narrated by the author. If you enjoy 162 00:13:11,679 --> 00:13:15,120 Speaker 1: today's story, please take a few seconds to rate, review, 163 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:20,560 Speaker 1: and subscribe to this podcast, and then go to Thomas 164 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:25,760 Speaker 1: William Simpson dot com for additional information about the author 165 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:31,160 Speaker 1: and to view his extensive canon. The Ten Minute Storyteller 166 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:36,079 Speaker 1: is produced by Andrew Plaglsi and Josh Colodny and as 167 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:42,120 Speaker 1: part of the Elvis Duran Podcast Network in partnership with Iheartproductions. 168 00:13:43,040 --> 00:14:03,360 Speaker 1: Until next time, this is Bill Simpson, your ten Minute Storyteller.