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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 2: And unwillingness to hear other perspectives and unwillingness to challenge

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Speaker 2: yourself and to grow. It's going to lead you to

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Speaker 2: a space where life is going to continue to move forward,

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Speaker 2: and you're going to be in the same place. You're

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Speaker 2: going to look up five years, ten years, and for

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Speaker 2: some people twenty thirty years, and you were doing the

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Speaker 2: exact same thing that you were doing thirty years ago,

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Speaker 2: while everyone else around you has made moves.

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Speaker 1: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

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Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 1: we released episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit cultivatinghurspace dot com to access our

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Speaker 1: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 3: women like you. We're your hosts doctor Dominique Bussard, a

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Speaker 3: college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 4: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker in a

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Speaker 4: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood. Please

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Speaker 4: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 4: fibroids to fake friends, and create a safe space where

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Speaker 4: black women can just be.

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Speaker 3: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here from the Cultivating her

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Speaker 3: Space podcast? Are you currently a resident of the state

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Speaker 3: of California and contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if oh,

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Speaker 3: please reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.

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Speaker 3: That's d R D O M I N I q

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Speaker 3: U E d R O U S S A r

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Speaker 3: D dot com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation.

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Speaker 3: I look forward to hearing from you. All right, lady,

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Speaker 3: our quote of the day comes from our very own

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Speaker 3: Terry Lomack. You are your most valuable assets. I'll say

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Speaker 3: that one more time for the folks in the back.

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Speaker 3: You are your most valuable assets.

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Speaker 2: All right, t that's your quote, So tell us, like,

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Speaker 2: what what? Why are we our most valuable assets?

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Speaker 4: Well, Dom, I'm going to try to be very quick

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Speaker 4: with this over this explanation of why this what this

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Speaker 4: quote means to me because my child might be in

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Speaker 4: the background make a noise, but I do want to say,

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Speaker 4: I would say, coming from someone me right, who has

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Speaker 4: struggled with low self esteem, depression, who's had a very

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Speaker 4: rough upbringing, and things of that nature, there were many

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Speaker 4: times in my life where I was looking for a

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Speaker 4: solution outside of myself. I was looking for happiness outside

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Speaker 4: of myself. I was looking for the answers outside of myself.

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Speaker 4: And from over the course of all these experiences I've had,

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Speaker 4: from therapy, to being in toxic relationships, to accomplishing goals

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Speaker 4: and all these things, I realized that, damn.

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Speaker 5: It's me. It's me.

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Speaker 4: Everything that I need is within me. And not saying

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Speaker 4: that in a cocky way, but I believe that we

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Speaker 4: all need to understand and know that we are our

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Speaker 4: most valuable asset. It's not that relationship, it's not the job,

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Speaker 4: it's not the title, it's not our children. It really

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Speaker 4: boils down to us. And I think that when we

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Speaker 4: spend time with ourselves intentional about that solitude, that's when

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Speaker 4: we get the answers that we're desiring. So everything we

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Speaker 4: need really is within and we're going to dive into

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Speaker 4: this in just a bit, but it's all an inside job.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 4: When we think about value, on what we're here to

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Speaker 4: do on this earth. Everything comes from within, but if

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Speaker 4: we don't hold space to have those revelations and epiphanies,

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Speaker 4: then it's going to be difficult to hear the answers.

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Speaker 4: What about you, don what do you? What does this

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Speaker 4: quote mean to you? Because you were like, oh, yeah, girl,

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Speaker 4: I agree with you.

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Speaker 2: You know, I agree so far with everything that you

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Speaker 2: said already, and also just thinking about how important it

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Speaker 2: is for us to like the ripple effects right of

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Speaker 2: us recognizing that we are.

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Speaker 3: Our most valuable asset.

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Speaker 2: That when we know and feel comfortable and confident in

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Speaker 2: being able to look within, then it makes everything.

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Speaker 5: That we do.

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Speaker 3: A lot smoother. Right, the good, the bad.

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Speaker 2: And everything in between will flow a lot smoother when

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Speaker 2: we are comfortable with being able to look within.

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Speaker 4: I love that and it was beautifully stated, Dom and Lady.

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Speaker 4: If you're new to the podcast, I just want to

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Speaker 4: share a quick disclaimer with you. Dom and I we

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Speaker 4: try not to come off as preachy, right me personally,

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Speaker 4: I know that Dom has her own purpose and the

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Speaker 4: reason that she does the work that she does and

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Speaker 4: why she's here on this earth. I would say for me,

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Speaker 4: one of my gifts I would say is teaching right.

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Speaker 4: And I've been told this over the years as I

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Speaker 4: have grace stages for keynotes and facilitated workshops and taught

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Speaker 4: hundreds of possibly thousands of people, everything from conference resolution

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Speaker 4: to podcasting. And I'm a firm believer of teaching people

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Speaker 4: how to think versus teaching them what to think. And

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Speaker 4: so in today's episode, we are going to share our

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Speaker 4: perspectives on what we believe you need to remember and

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Speaker 4: really what we need to remember right as we move

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Speaker 4: into this year and as we really manifest a successful year.

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Speaker 4: So again, this is not us saying, girl, you gotta

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Speaker 4: know this, but it's like, from our experience, this is

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Speaker 4: what we think we should all remember. And child, we're

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Speaker 4: gonna talk about everything from addiction to leaving F boys

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Speaker 4: or f girls or just f people in general. Okay,

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Speaker 4: and more so, make sure you stay tuned. So, dom,

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Speaker 4: let's just dive into number one right now, and this

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Speaker 4: is one that we have probably all heard before, but

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Speaker 4: we're just gonna dive in a little bit deeper on

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Speaker 4: our perspectives on this. And the first reminder is if

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Speaker 4: you fail to plan, plan to fail, child. Okay, Now

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna go ahead, girl, I'm gonna go ahead and

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Speaker 4: speak on this.

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Speaker 5: So now I'm gonna share my feedback after.

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Speaker 2: You know, I think when I think about this, I

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Speaker 2: can imagine that several of our listeners are probably having

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Speaker 2: a reaction to that one, right, like, ugh, I hate

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Speaker 2: that quote and why do people keep emphasizing that quote?

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Speaker 2: The reality is that why this one is so important.

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Speaker 3: Is you have to have a plan and hear me out.

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Speaker 2: Also recognizing that things will not always go according to

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Speaker 2: that plan, but we need some direction. So let's say

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Speaker 2: that one of my goals for this new year, or

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Speaker 2: maybe depending on when you're listening, this new season in life,

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Speaker 2: let's say that one of those goals is to say

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Speaker 2: no more often.

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Speaker 5: Right.

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Speaker 2: That sounds amazing. You know, I love setting some good boundaries.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 2: If you don't have a plan for how you're gonna

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Speaker 2: say no, what is that going to look like when

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Speaker 2: you actually are put in a situation where you have

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Speaker 2: to say no, or where you're thinking about saying no.

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Speaker 2: I would imagine that Let's say that a friend reaches

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Speaker 2: out and wants to make brunch plans, but you know

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Speaker 2: that you've had a pretty exhausting week and you don't

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Speaker 2: have the capacity or the energy or.

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Speaker 3: One of your goals. You remember, one of.

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Speaker 2: Your goals is to start saying no to things, but

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Speaker 2: you have not planned how that would actually play out.

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Speaker 2: So Homegirl reaches out and you're like, oh shit, I

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Speaker 2: mean I want to say no, but I don't know

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Speaker 2: how to say no. I feel guilty about saying no.

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Speaker 2: And you spend time ruminating on how to say no,

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Speaker 2: and then you end up going to brunch and while

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Speaker 2: you might have a good time later on, then you

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Speaker 2: come back and you're beating yourself up because you wanted

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Speaker 2: to say no. So you have to have a plan

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Speaker 2: otherwise things are not going to go well.

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Speaker 4: Hey hey lady, this conversation is just getting started. It's

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Speaker 4: gonna get so much better. But first, we have a

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Speaker 4: be sure to stay tuned and we'll hop right back

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Speaker 5: All right, let's hop back into the show.

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Speaker 3: What are your thoughts?

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Speaker 5: See?

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Speaker 4: Y'all have to excuse me because my child I thought

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Speaker 4: she was gonna be quiet, she'd make it a little noise.

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Speaker 4: But I will say I would agree with that wholeheartedly.

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Speaker 4: Don I think having a plan is so important. And

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Speaker 4: the thing is, a plan doesn't have to be this

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Speaker 4: daunting six page paper.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 4: Literally, it could be you just writing down. I love

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Speaker 4: to prep prepare, right, so it could literally be you

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Speaker 4: writing down. Okay, let me write down some tools on

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Speaker 4: how to say no, right, And then when someone asked

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Speaker 4: me something that I don't want to do. This is

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Speaker 4: what I'm going to say, just writing it down so

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Speaker 4: for me, I know, one of the examples that we've

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Speaker 4: talked about on the podcast was speaking up for myself

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Speaker 4: in general. That was something I've worked on for years.

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Speaker 4: And so what I tried to do was in the

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Speaker 4: nail shop when the nail tech is going in on

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Speaker 4: my finger and it's uncomfortable, instead of just taking it

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Speaker 4: and just you know, being quiet, speaking up in those instances, right,

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Speaker 4: So that was one example I would say. Also, Dom,

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Speaker 4: as you were talking, you were make me think of ideas,

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Speaker 4: so I wanted to I wanted to just walk through

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Speaker 4: an example with you. So, lady, just participate in this

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Speaker 4: little activity for us. If you're in a safe place,

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Speaker 4: try to close your eyes and just walk with me

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Speaker 4: through this example, and don feel fit to chime in

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Speaker 4: and let me know what you think too. So let's

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Speaker 4: say you get a new car, right, all your friends

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Speaker 4: are congratulating you. It's fire. You're like, this is my

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Speaker 4: dream car. I'm wanting this car forever. And Dom, I

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Speaker 4: know you were there recently. Girl and I have video

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Speaker 4: whip and is fly and so you post me the

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Speaker 4: car on social media. Right, your friends are liking your picture,

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Speaker 4: commenting all that good stuff. And one day you hop

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Speaker 4: in the whip right, and you're on your way to

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Speaker 4: visit a friend in a nearby city. Now, I'm from

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Speaker 4: the East, Kasha, I'm from Philly, so I'm gonna say

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Speaker 4: that I'm going to DC to go visit my homegirl,

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Speaker 4: cause I used to take this drive often going on

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Speaker 4: ninety five right to go to visit my friends. So

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Speaker 4: you get in the car. It's clean, it's smelling good. Right,

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Speaker 4: you turn on the radio and guess what your favorite

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Speaker 4: song is playing. You got your air freshener AC's on,

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Speaker 4: and you pull out your phone to put the address

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Speaker 4: in the GPS to your friend's house. But then you

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Speaker 4: have this idea and you're like, you know what, I'm

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Speaker 4: just gonna wing it. I'm just gonna figure it out

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Speaker 4: and just you know, enjoy the journey. While I'm on

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Speaker 4: my way down. I'm laughing at your facial expression because

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Speaker 4: you're like, girl, what, But look, here's the thing. Dom

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Speaker 4: you're driving, You're using up your gas, your oil is

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Speaker 4: getting old, the cars getting there, you're putting miles on

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Speaker 4: the car, and time is going by and now you

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Speaker 4: look up in days of past and you're no closer

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Speaker 4: to DC and your friend calls you and she's.

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Speaker 5: Like, girl, you still come to like, what are you

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Speaker 5: doing right?

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Speaker 2: So she trying to get day days days of pastor

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Speaker 2: really the DC days.

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Speaker 3: It don't take that, Okay, I'm like, what we doing?

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Speaker 4: So that's that's just a quick little analogy, right, But

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Speaker 4: if we think about that in real life. Down I

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Speaker 4: see so many people And this is no judgment or

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Speaker 4: shamed lady, but sometimes if something touches you in your spirit,

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Speaker 4: it might be it might be a gentle message. But

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Speaker 4: I see so many people DOM that have goals and

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Speaker 4: dreams right, and things that they want to accomplish, but

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Speaker 4: they're not serious, right. They're all over the place, which

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Speaker 4: I get, I've been there, but there is no plan

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Speaker 4: to get things organized right. You're not putting the right

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Speaker 4: address into the GPS to help you get closer to

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Speaker 4: the goal.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 4: You're listening to people who haven't achieved what you hope

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Speaker 4: to achieve and what are we doing right? And I

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Speaker 4: see that so often Dom. Do you ever see that?

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Speaker 4: And what are your thoughts on that particular scenario of

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Speaker 4: just like, oh, I'm just gonna wing it. Or you

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Speaker 4: hear people who are like, oh, I have this goal

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Speaker 4: and dream, but you've been working on it five years,

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Speaker 4: and it really doesn't take five years. It shouldn't take

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Speaker 4: you five years for you to apply to go to

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Speaker 4: school right, or to move to the new city.

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Speaker 2: Like, So when I hear that, what I hear is

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Speaker 2: that there are some mental psychological blocks that are preventing

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Speaker 2: you from getting there right. And so maybe the mental

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Speaker 2: psycho and the mental psychological block is also probably what

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Speaker 2: is keeping you from making the plan as well, right,

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Speaker 2: because we we all recognize that when it is something

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Speaker 2: that we are really wanting for ourselves, we make the plan.

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Speaker 2: We figure it out right, even if it's a loose plan,

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Speaker 2: we have some steps in place that we know we're

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Speaker 2: gonna take to get there. So even with it going

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Speaker 2: back to our analogy of driving from Philly to d C,

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Speaker 2: even if we decide, you know what, I've taken this

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Speaker 2: route before, I'm not gonna use GPS. You've taken the

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Speaker 2: route before, so you know, okay, I ninety five and

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Speaker 2: like what and what signs took what particular signs that

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Speaker 2: you might need to look for to know Okay, maybe

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Speaker 2: I need to get ready to switch highways or whatever

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Speaker 2: it is. There's indicators because you know, right, so it's

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Speaker 2: a loose plan, but it's still a plan. And because

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Speaker 2: you've taken that route before, you know what time to

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Speaker 2: expect to be there unless you get traffic right. And

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Speaker 2: so even a loose plan can get you to where

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Speaker 2: you're needing to be and allow you that space to

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Speaker 2: make adjustments as necessary. But if you have absolutely no plan,

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Speaker 2: then it's that's an opportunity. So I want us to

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Speaker 2: also think about, like, particularly as we're going through all

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Speaker 2: of these reminders today, that if we are from a

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Speaker 2: space of curiosity or space as or as an opportunity,

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Speaker 2: then there's less judgment and shame and negativity associated with it.

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Speaker 2: Right we recognize that we have a goal and we

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Speaker 2: don't have a plan to achieve that goal. That's an

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Speaker 2: opportunity for us to step back and reassess is this

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Speaker 2: a goal that I truly want?

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Speaker 3: Is this really.

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Speaker 2: Aligned with my purpose or my vision right now? Are

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Speaker 2: other things that are keeping me from making a plan

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Speaker 2: that our growth opportunities for me that I might need

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Speaker 2: to address.

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Speaker 4: I love love that domind I hope what I said

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Speaker 4: didn't come off harsh because it isn't meant to be judgmental,

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Speaker 4: but it's meant to be honest with ourselves.

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Speaker 5: Like that can feel hard, and it can feel hard.

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Speaker 4: Right, And at the same time, I do want to

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Speaker 4: say it's okay to take breaks. Right, just be aware

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Speaker 4: of what season you're in, so free all season. For myself,

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Speaker 4: I have a bunch of goals and dreams that I

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Speaker 4: want to focus on. There are plenty that I have

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Speaker 4: not achieved, but I know that this past few months

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Speaker 4: I've been in the season because we're recording this right

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Speaker 4: in preparation for the new year, and so I have

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Speaker 4: had what really I would say, September, October, November, I

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Speaker 4: would say those months of last year, I was chilling. Okay,

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Speaker 4: I was chilling real hard, Like I wasn't doing anything

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Speaker 4: because I work so hard, and it's important for me

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Speaker 4: to have a time to just sit back, reflect, introspect

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Speaker 4: and so just be aware of what season you're and

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Speaker 4: maybe you're like, you know, I do have this goal,

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Speaker 4: I'm going to think of a plan. I'm going to

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Speaker 4: create that, but I'm not in the season right now.

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Speaker 4: And the other thing I want to point out is that.

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Speaker 4: A lot of times I hear my students or folks

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Speaker 4: that I mentor say, well, I can't create a plan

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Speaker 4: because I don't know what I want. I don't know

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Speaker 4: where I want to go. That's cool, I get it.

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Speaker 4: If you don't know what you want, you at least

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Speaker 4: need to be very aware of what you don't want,

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Speaker 4: because that'll prevent you from going into spaces that you

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Speaker 4: may not want to go into, that will take you

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Speaker 4: farther away from the goal that you may not have

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Speaker 4: had a chance to uncovera just yet. So if you

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Speaker 4: don't know what you want, think about what you don't want,

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Speaker 4: all right, So let's jump on and down going to

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Speaker 4: pass it to you for the next one.

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Speaker 2: I think that the next one really kind of flows

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Speaker 2: into some of the things that might be blocking us

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Speaker 2: from planning and achieving our goals.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 2: So our next reminder is to be aware of what's

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Speaker 2: owning you, right and what's owning you could be your job,

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Speaker 2: your partner, your family, how your view, your perspective.

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Speaker 3: On life, drugs, alcohol, sex.

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Speaker 2: Gambling, or it could be a whole number of things.

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Speaker 2: But you have to go within to identify what is

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Speaker 2: that thing that's owning you. That's stopping you from being

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Speaker 2: your best self.

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Speaker 5: Dom you better preach, you better preach.

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Speaker 3: Now.

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Speaker 4: I'm with you, girl, I'm with you, I will say so.

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Speaker 4: I haven't talked about this a lot on the podcast,

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Speaker 4: but maybe in the future will dive into it deeper.

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Speaker 4: But addiction runs in my family, right, And when I

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Speaker 4: think about the things that I've had to check myself

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Speaker 4: on over the course of my journey, I've had to

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Speaker 4: check myself over the years when it comes to porn,

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Speaker 4: when it comes to sex, when it comes to weed,

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Speaker 4: when it comes to alcohol, being a workaholic. Right, these

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Speaker 4: are some of the things that I have felt at

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Speaker 4: some point in my journey were.

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Speaker 5: Legit owning me.

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Speaker 4: And in my opinion, it's not necessarily about what you do,

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Speaker 4: right of course, if you're not hurting anyone and it's

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Speaker 4: not illegal, it's not about what you do, it's about

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Speaker 4: how you do it right. So, in my opinion, out

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Speaker 4: of some people will have strong views on porn, I'm

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Speaker 4: okay with porn, right. And the thing about it is,

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Speaker 4: there was a time in my life when I would

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Speaker 4: say I had a porn addiction, like it was the

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Speaker 4: way that I was doing it so it was like,

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Speaker 4: I'm doing this to help me cope. I'm doing this

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Speaker 4: because it's enabling escapism, right, Like, I'm not trying to

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Speaker 4: address something else, so I'm just kind of going to

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Speaker 4: this thing or hmm, is it interrupting my ability to

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Speaker 4: do my work or to function properly and take care

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Speaker 4: of the things that need to take care of. Right, So,

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Speaker 4: I think it's really important for us to have conversations

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Speaker 4: with ourselves and look at ourselves and acknowledge like, well,

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Speaker 4: God damn, this is where I am today.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 4: It doesn't necessarily mean you're going to change it today.

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Speaker 4: I know we can be a tricky one too, right,

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Speaker 4: Like me and my friends have definitely talked about that

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Speaker 4: where it's like, oh, we you know it's from the earth,

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Speaker 4: it's a plant, but it's like, oh damn, it is it?

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Speaker 4: Am I low kid addicted to this? Like hmm, am

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Speaker 4: I fended for it when I don't smoke or if

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Speaker 4: I don't pop up. It's not like it just lady Again,

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Speaker 4: it's not judgment, it's being aware of it because at

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Speaker 4: the end of the day, if we're not honest with

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Speaker 4: ourselves and God damn, who can we be honest with right,

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Speaker 4: So just knowing within yourself there are some things that

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Speaker 4: I still feel low key owning me, and I'm working

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Speaker 4: through it.

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Speaker 5: I don't have a solution today.

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Speaker 4: But I'm like, okay, bo, I see you, I see

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Speaker 4: how you're navigating in this space. I'm aware of it, right,

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Speaker 4: which is the first step. So that's my perspective on that.

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Speaker 2: You know, as I was listening to you, I was

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Speaker 2: thinking about, Yeah, there are a lot of things that

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Speaker 2: might be owning us, but also being mindful of what

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Speaker 2: we're defining as owning us, because I think there are

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Speaker 2: a lot of things that are easy to identify. And

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Speaker 2: you name some of those things that are easy for

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Speaker 2: us identify, right, Horn sex We right, those things are

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Speaker 2: easy for us identified because those are things that society

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Speaker 2: tells us can be bad for us in in too

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Speaker 2: much of a quantity.

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Speaker 3: Right, So it's easy for us to say.

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Speaker 2: When we're doing our internal work to recognize, oh wait,

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Speaker 2: hold on, this might be part of an issue, right

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Speaker 2: that I'm having.

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Speaker 3: The deeper work what can be harder.

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Speaker 2: Work, because I also don't want to minimize the work

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Speaker 2: that comes with certain addictions, the ones that might be

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Speaker 2: harder for us. To recognize are that outdated perspective?

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Speaker 5: Right?

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Speaker 2: So, see, you've talked about growing up in the church, right,

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Speaker 2: I was raised Catholic. I love my Catholic family, but

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Speaker 2: the church can be one of the harshest critics. That

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Speaker 2: then leads folks to having.

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Speaker 3: Judgments on themselves about behaviors that are normal. Right.

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Speaker 2: And so I think about how strict religious or conservative

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Speaker 2: religious perspective, strict or conservative political perspective, or even on

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Speaker 2: the opposite end, right, trying to be super progressive overly

417
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Speaker 2: liberal may be owning us in a way that's keeping

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Speaker 2: us from really aligning with ourselves and pursuing the things

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Speaker 2: that would really bring us happiness, because we're placing judgment

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Speaker 2: on ourselves, right, And so that judgment that we're placing

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Speaker 2: on ourselves is that's what's owning us. And sometimes that's

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Speaker 2: harder to recognize and harder to and harder to let

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Speaker 2: go of because of what it would mean if we

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Speaker 2: let that go.

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Speaker 4: Ooh, that part right there, what would it mean if

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Speaker 4: we let it go. I'm so glad you said that,

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Speaker 4: Dom and you are preaching, and what it makes me

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Speaker 4: think about before we move on to the next one, Lady,

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Speaker 4: I just want to say I think it's important to

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Speaker 4: also audit your belief systems, like audit what you believe.

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Speaker 4: I like to ask myself sometimes in those moments of

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Speaker 4: you know, introspection, what do I believe and why do

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Speaker 4: I believe this?

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Speaker 2: Do?

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Speaker 4: I remember when I was in you know, being raised

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Speaker 4: in church, there was a period of time I remember.

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Speaker 4: I think it was around when I was a teenager,

438
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:44,199
Speaker 4: maybe sixteen through eighteen, at some point in that phase,

439
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:48,440
Speaker 4: and I remember having this this epiphany and I was like, wait,

440
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:51,679
Speaker 4: I'm just going to church because they told me to go, Like,

441
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:53,800
Speaker 4: I'm just going because this is what my family told

442
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:54,119
Speaker 4: me to do.

443
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,399
Speaker 5: I just believe this because they told me to believe it.

444
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:59,640
Speaker 4: But then at that age, I dove into my own

445
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:01,919
Speaker 4: relation and ship with God, and I began to go

446
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:03,879
Speaker 4: to church on my own because it was something that

447
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 4: I felt connected to. And it was a powerful shift

448
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:08,479
Speaker 4: for me because I wasn't just doing it because I

449
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:10,119
Speaker 4: was told to do it. I was doing it because

450
00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:12,680
Speaker 4: that's what I was That's what I believed, and that's

451
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,160
Speaker 4: what was important to me. And I found my own

452
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:18,760
Speaker 4: relationship there and it's evolved over time, but I think

453
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:21,440
Speaker 4: it's important to do that personal audit. So yes, nom,

454
00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 4: I love I love the points you made around that.

455
00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:37,240
Speaker 2: Well, let's move on to our third reminder, wool child, Yes, okay,

456
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:39,159
Speaker 2: I know lots of black.

457
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:44,520
Speaker 5: Women who can relate to this. Okay, should I just

458
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:45,000
Speaker 5: go ahead?

459
00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:47,560
Speaker 3: Just yeah, let's do it girl.

460
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:50,160
Speaker 5: Okay, lady, yet sit down for this one. Okay, here

461
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,120
Speaker 5: we go. Number three is.

462
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:56,679
Speaker 4: Choose your life partner wisely and know that it's okay

463
00:25:56,720 --> 00:26:00,439
Speaker 4: to change your mind. Okay, Okay, let's just put it

464
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:04,480
Speaker 4: out there. Your intimate relationships, possibly with an ass right,

465
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:07,000
Speaker 4: depending on how you move and out here, no judgment, girl.

466
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:11,399
Speaker 4: Your intimate relationships or your inter relationship is one of

467
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:17,600
Speaker 4: the most important career decisions or dream decisions you'll ever make, Okay,

468
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:21,840
Speaker 4: And what I mean by this is you want to

469
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:24,680
Speaker 4: make sure that you're with a supportive partner. You want

470
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:28,439
Speaker 4: to make sure you're with someone who is going to

471
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:32,520
Speaker 4: ride for you and support you and not be a hater,

472
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:35,920
Speaker 4: not be jealous, right, not be controlling. I think about

473
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 4: past relationships that I was in, and I was with

474
00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:41,159
Speaker 4: a partner who was jealous of me, but who was

475
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:43,600
Speaker 4: also very controlling. So I think about what we do

476
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:47,359
Speaker 4: today right, dom our work right. Our podcast gives us

477
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,720
Speaker 4: the ability to travel. We went to La last year

478
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:52,600
Speaker 4: and had such a ball. We went to La Lady,

479
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:55,439
Speaker 4: we did a photo shoot and like upgraded our whole brands,

480
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:58,800
Speaker 4: and I remember being there with our photographer Tony, with

481
00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:03,320
Speaker 4: our makeup artist than Don Yelle, and our stylist Germany,

482
00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:05,600
Speaker 4: and we were with our team. And I think about man,

483
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:08,480
Speaker 4: if I was in a relationship that I was in

484
00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:11,760
Speaker 4: years and years ago, a very toxic relationship with a

485
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:15,480
Speaker 4: controlling partner, he would have been so jealous about me

486
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:18,040
Speaker 4: having a male photographer, Like it would have been this

487
00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:18,720
Speaker 4: whole thing.

488
00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:19,960
Speaker 5: He would have been so.

489
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:24,560
Speaker 4: Judgmental and would have been so discouraging with the fact

490
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 4: that we've interviewed mails on here, Like he was just

491
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:28,560
Speaker 4: that type of person, like, oh my gosh, you're interviewing

492
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:31,080
Speaker 4: a porn star and it's a male on your podcast,

493
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:32,159
Speaker 4: Like I don't want you to do that, And then

494
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:33,480
Speaker 4: it would have been this whole thing I would have

495
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:36,879
Speaker 4: had to deal with at home energetically if I was

496
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:39,120
Speaker 4: with that person. So I think about ways in which

497
00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:43,000
Speaker 4: our partners can really hold us back, right, It's like,

498
00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:45,560
Speaker 4: how you're gonna how you wanna grow and elevate and

499
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:49,479
Speaker 4: go higher if you have this dead weight around your

500
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 4: ankles just pulling you down right?

501
00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:56,920
Speaker 2: Oh yes, yes, So I when I think about that,

502
00:27:57,160 --> 00:28:01,320
Speaker 2: like I think about how one like you said, it's

503
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:05,880
Speaker 2: important to have that supportive partner, So that person who

504
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:10,040
Speaker 2: is and who's going to support you in a way

505
00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:16,359
Speaker 2: that helps you grow, right, and hear me out, So

506
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:19,679
Speaker 2: we don't want a yes person. We don't want so

507
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:23,200
Speaker 2: support is not that person who says yes to everything

508
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:23,840
Speaker 2: that you're doing.

509
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:25,320
Speaker 3: That's not support because.

510
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:27,840
Speaker 2: Sometimes sometimes we be going down the wrong path and

511
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:30,080
Speaker 2: we need somebody to reel us back in give it

512
00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 2: brings us back to reality and be like, Sis, this

513
00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:37,760
Speaker 2: is not that, ain't it that? Ain't it that? Ain't it?

514
00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:43,120
Speaker 2: Remember your remember your vision that you shared, Remember your

515
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:46,040
Speaker 2: brand that you're trying to create. What you're trying to

516
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:50,560
Speaker 2: do over here is not in alignment with that and

517
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 2: doing it in a loving way, right, or saying hey,

518
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 2: I know that you're trying to get this business off

519
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:03,760
Speaker 2: the ground, So what do you need from me in

520
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:06,640
Speaker 2: that regard? Does that mean that maybe I start cooking

521
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:10,280
Speaker 2: dinner because you're working, you're over here grinding on getting

522
00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:14,760
Speaker 2: this business off the ground. Does that mean that maybe

523
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:17,080
Speaker 2: I pick up the kids from school? Like, what is

524
00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:20,800
Speaker 2: it that I can do to help you achieve this

525
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:22,720
Speaker 2: goal that means so much to you? Right?

526
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:25,280
Speaker 3: That's the supportive partner.

527
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:30,640
Speaker 2: Also recognizing though that sometimes as we're choosing a partner,

528
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:42,720
Speaker 2: that as we both are growing and evolving, sometimes that

529
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:48,680
Speaker 2: growth takes us in different directions. And that does not

530
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:53,080
Speaker 2: mean that there is something wrong with either of us.

531
00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:58,440
Speaker 2: That does not mean that that person is toxic, because

532
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:01,560
Speaker 2: I know that we've gotten into as a society in general,

533
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:05,040
Speaker 2: have gotten into a space of when the relationship doesn't

534
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:09,640
Speaker 2: work out, Oh that person was toxic. Not everybody is toxic,

535
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:11,680
Speaker 2: and sometimes things.

536
00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:15,960
Speaker 3: Just didn't work out. But also giving us the like this.

537
00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:20,440
Speaker 2: Is a reminder of sometimes that relationship does not work

538
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:25,720
Speaker 2: out and it is okay to walk away from that,

539
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:29,640
Speaker 2: Like this might have been the person that you said

540
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:34,760
Speaker 2: I am spending the rest of my life with. And

541
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:38,960
Speaker 2: ten years have gone by, so you've gotten pasted. What

542
00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:41,040
Speaker 2: people talk about that seven year itch.

543
00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:44,040
Speaker 3: Right, ten years have.

544
00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 2: Gone by and you all have grown in opposite directions.

545
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:50,880
Speaker 2: You've done the work to try and come back to

546
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:55,600
Speaker 2: one another and it's not happening. It is okay for

547
00:30:55,760 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 2: that to be the case. It is okay for you

548
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:01,400
Speaker 2: to change your mind.

549
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:04,320
Speaker 4: And don might just want to emphasize it is so

550
00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:06,440
Speaker 4: important for us to remember that, because I know that

551
00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:09,880
Speaker 4: that can sometimes be a manipulation tactic. I remember having

552
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:10,920
Speaker 4: someone tell me that and.

553
00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:12,160
Speaker 5: I was like, fuck, am I wrong?

554
00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:14,400
Speaker 4: Because I did say I love you, I did say

555
00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:16,440
Speaker 4: I wanted to be with you, And now they're like, well,

556
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:17,920
Speaker 4: you told me this, and I was like, well, damn,

557
00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 4: I guess I got to commit to that for life.

558
00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 5: No, you don't do because.

559
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:22,920
Speaker 4: If it no longer serves you, if it's no longer

560
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:27,240
Speaker 4: making you feel, you know, full and joyful, if you know,

561
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:29,560
Speaker 4: if it's no longer a good fit, it's okay. So

562
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:31,280
Speaker 4: I just wanted to emphasize that a couple of things

563
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:32,240
Speaker 4: you made me think about too.

564
00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:32,480
Speaker 2: Dom.

565
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:35,320
Speaker 4: The other thing that I wanted to point out is

566
00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 4: that with all that said, right, everything that we share,

567
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 4: it's okay to have fun and explore new experiences sexually.

568
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:43,600
Speaker 4: I am of the belief at this age and stage

569
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:45,320
Speaker 4: in my life which I love their body count.

570
00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:47,160
Speaker 5: That used to be a thing when I.

571
00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:49,280
Speaker 4: Was younger, like what's your body count? Like, oh my gosh,

572
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:51,600
Speaker 4: you want to keep it at this number? Girl, you

573
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:53,720
Speaker 4: better go live and have those experiences, because let me

574
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:57,320
Speaker 4: tell you something, eighty five year old let me yeah,

575
00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:59,800
Speaker 4: eighty five year old Terry, I'm not going to have

576
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:03,280
Speaker 4: no regrets. I'm gonna look back and be like, yes, bitch,

577
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:06,440
Speaker 4: you did everything sexually you wanted to do. You did

578
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:08,520
Speaker 4: all the exploration, like, you did all the stuff that

579
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:09,800
Speaker 4: you wanted to do. I don't want to have any

580
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:12,560
Speaker 4: regrets in any arena of life. And so, lady, you

581
00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:14,400
Speaker 4: better live your best life. Of course, be safe and

582
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:17,440
Speaker 4: responsible and all that good stuff, but like, go have fun.

583
00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:20,120
Speaker 4: The other is when you're presented with an opportunity to

584
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:23,960
Speaker 4: seriously commit to someone long term, listen to your gut.

585
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:26,440
Speaker 5: Black women.

586
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:31,400
Speaker 4: We have Oh really, I believe everyone has intuition. I

587
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:33,880
Speaker 4: do believe that a woman's intuition. I think there's something

588
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:35,560
Speaker 4: special about our intuition as women.

589
00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 5: And don't ignore that.

590
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:40,360
Speaker 4: Don't ignore your gut because there I swear every time

591
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 4: that I was in a situation where I was like

592
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:48,080
Speaker 4: hmm it that hmm ended up trying to save me

593
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:50,520
Speaker 4: from some shit that I ended up having to live through,

594
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:52,480
Speaker 4: but I learned from it, right, So don't ignore the

595
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:55,280
Speaker 4: red flags because in the future those red flags will

596
00:32:55,320 --> 00:33:00,480
Speaker 4: turn into child They'll turn into some shit that you're like, Damn,

597
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 4: I should have listened. Okay, So sometimes we got to

598
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:05,480
Speaker 4: let go of toxic Bay, all right, And that's that's

599
00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:07,520
Speaker 4: all I wanted to share on that topic.

600
00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:14,280
Speaker 2: And so a lady, if you are listening, then you

601
00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:17,560
Speaker 2: know that one of the things that we have been

602
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:21,719
Speaker 2: doing in our episodes where it's Terry and I and

603
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:27,600
Speaker 2: we don't have a special guest, we invite you to.

604
00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:28,840
Speaker 3: Join in on this conversation.

605
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:35,040
Speaker 2: So whether that is via Instagram or leaving us a

606
00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 2: five star review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get

607
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:44,680
Speaker 2: your podcasts. So today, what we want to do as

608
00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:47,680
Speaker 2: you are listening to this episode, we want you to

609
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:51,560
Speaker 2: listen all the way through to make sure that you

610
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:56,400
Speaker 2: catch all of the reminders, and then you will look

611
00:33:56,440 --> 00:34:00,640
Speaker 2: for the orange square on Instagram and you let us

612
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:04,320
Speaker 2: know what is your reminder for this year?

613
00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:07,240
Speaker 3: What are you needing.

614
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:13,080
Speaker 2: To refresh yourself on so that this year continues to

615
00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:16,719
Speaker 2: be that season of you.

616
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:21,040
Speaker 4: Yes, I love it, So, lady, really think about what

617
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:22,920
Speaker 4: are the things after you listen to the whole episode,

618
00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:24,319
Speaker 4: what are the things that you want to share with

619
00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:26,680
Speaker 4: other women? Because if you go to the Orange Square,

620
00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:29,759
Speaker 4: literally just go to our Instagram at Herspace podcast, go

621
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:32,279
Speaker 4: to the Orange Square and just share it there. It's

622
00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:34,279
Speaker 4: important because you're going to share that with other women

623
00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:35,799
Speaker 4: that are going to be tuning in and they'll be

624
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 4: looking for your feedback as well. And in case you're

625
00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:40,760
Speaker 4: new here, lady, there's something I want you to consider

626
00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:42,239
Speaker 4: as you listen to the rest of the tips here.

627
00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:47,319
Speaker 4: This is a black woman owned, black woman founded podcast. Okay,

628
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:48,319
Speaker 4: so we own this shit.

629
00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:49,359
Speaker 5: We did this for us.

630
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:52,480
Speaker 4: Okay, you are listening to two black women that love

631
00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:55,439
Speaker 4: us for real. We want everybody black to win. And

632
00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:57,800
Speaker 4: for those that are listening that may not identify as black,

633
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:00,439
Speaker 4: we still love you and we appreciate you being here.

634
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:03,160
Speaker 4: But this is a special place that we created to

635
00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 4: uplift black women because of the things that we experience

636
00:35:05,719 --> 00:35:08,200
Speaker 4: in life. Right And so I'm over here rep in Philly,

637
00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:10,600
Speaker 4: San Diego because I was born in Philly, raised in

638
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:11,200
Speaker 4: San Diego.

639
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:14,640
Speaker 5: Dom's repping the five oh four Yay.

640
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:18,640
Speaker 3: New Orleans until I die there you.

641
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:21,799
Speaker 4: Go, you already know and we have several degrees and

642
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:25,160
Speaker 4: accomplishments between us, right, more than fifty years of life

643
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:27,359
Speaker 4: experience between us, and so be out here. So take

644
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:30,120
Speaker 4: some notes, think of your own perspective, shared it on

645
00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:33,279
Speaker 4: our Instagram at her space podcast, and don't leave us

646
00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:35,440
Speaker 4: hanging lady. And if you're that person, it's like but Terry,

647
00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:38,000
Speaker 4: I only listen to podcasts. I don't be following them

648
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:40,800
Speaker 4: on social media. I don't leave reviews. Do it's a

649
00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:43,560
Speaker 4: solid Okay. If you get anything from this episode and

650
00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:46,040
Speaker 4: it makes you think, if it touches you, go leave

651
00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:48,080
Speaker 4: a five star review and connect with us on Instagram

652
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:51,239
Speaker 4: because we love to connect with you. So now we're

653
00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:54,560
Speaker 4: going to jump on into number Are we on number four?

654
00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:58,560
Speaker 3: Don Yes we are, Yes, Okay, we're.

655
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:00,520
Speaker 4: On number four. Let's get into it down.

656
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:07,120
Speaker 2: A closed mind is the beginning of a stagnant life.

657
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:11,040
Speaker 2: I feel like that should be one of our mantras,

658
00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:15,280
Speaker 2: like our closing mantras. And I'm gonna say that again

659
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:17,160
Speaker 2: one more time for the people in the back so

660
00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:22,239
Speaker 2: that you hear this. A closed mind is the beginning

661
00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:28,760
Speaker 2: of a stagnant life. So real talk, don't be that person, Okay,

662
00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:33,160
Speaker 2: y'all know who I'm talking about. That person who says,

663
00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:39,360
Speaker 2: oh I know already, or I mean, look, that's just

664
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:44,799
Speaker 2: the way I am. It's just what it is. Don't

665
00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:50,880
Speaker 2: be that person. A person with a closed mind is

666
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:55,160
Speaker 2: a person who is not open to growth, who is

667
00:36:55,400 --> 00:37:01,960
Speaker 2: not willing to change. My compassion itself. I know how

668
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:04,360
Speaker 2: I came across. I might have come across just now

669
00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:06,520
Speaker 2: like a little like girl, get it together.

670
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:09,560
Speaker 3: And I say that.

671
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:15,439
Speaker 2: With compassion, recognizing that sometimes there are factors in our

672
00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:20,800
Speaker 2: lives that have caused us to develop a closed mind.

673
00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:24,560
Speaker 2: We might be doing it for what we believe is

674
00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:30,960
Speaker 2: our protection. If that is your situation, lady, I highly

675
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:35,560
Speaker 2: encourage you to get support, so whether that is talking

676
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:39,080
Speaker 2: to a therapist or tapping into other forms of your

677
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:44,239
Speaker 2: support system, recognizing that a closed mind, and like an

678
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:51,520
Speaker 2: unwillingness to hear other perspectives and unwillingness to challenge yourself

679
00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:54,680
Speaker 2: and to grow, is going to lead you to a

680
00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:58,720
Speaker 2: space where life is going to continue to move forward

681
00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:02,239
Speaker 2: and you're going to be in the same place. You're

682
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:05,839
Speaker 2: gonna look up five years, ten years, and for some

683
00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:10,160
Speaker 2: people twenty thirty years and you were doing the exact

684
00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:12,880
Speaker 2: same thing that you were.

685
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 3: Doing thirty years ago.

686
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:20,600
Speaker 2: Wow, everyone else around you has made moves.

687
00:38:22,239 --> 00:38:23,720
Speaker 3: It could be hard.

688
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:26,879
Speaker 4: I was gonna say that was beautifully stated. Down I'm sorry,

689
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:28,840
Speaker 4: that was so beautiful. I just want to add my

690
00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:31,200
Speaker 4: two cents. And lady, I just want to give you

691
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:33,759
Speaker 4: an example of like why it's so detrimental when it

692
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:36,120
Speaker 4: comes to having that perspective. So, and don let me

693
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:38,520
Speaker 4: know if you've ever heard anyone like this. So let's say,

694
00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:41,799
Speaker 4: for instance, I'm teaching so I have a podcasting course, right,

695
00:38:41,800 --> 00:38:43,520
Speaker 4: I'm teaching you how to start a podcast, and I'm

696
00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:46,160
Speaker 4: going over strategies and stuff like that, and so I'm

697
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:47,600
Speaker 4: sharing stuff with you, and you're like, oh, yeah, I

698
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:49,960
Speaker 4: already know how to do that. When you say that,

699
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:52,120
Speaker 4: when you when you think that you already know, then

700
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:56,319
Speaker 4: it literally closes you. It closes the opportunity to learn

701
00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:58,239
Speaker 4: something new that could actually help you, right, because we

702
00:38:58,239 --> 00:39:01,359
Speaker 4: don't know everything. So that you and you're like, oh shit,

703
00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:03,680
Speaker 4: that's me. I'll be doing that. Listen to what Dom said.

704
00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:05,880
Speaker 4: You may need to get some support because if you

705
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:11,040
Speaker 4: already know what's there to teach you, right, So that's

706
00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:13,480
Speaker 4: one thing to think about and then the other perspective

707
00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:16,160
Speaker 4: of like, oh, that's just the way that I am. Again,

708
00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:18,000
Speaker 4: I try not to be a judgmental person, but that

709
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:20,319
Speaker 4: is just so detrimental to our growth because if you

710
00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:22,080
Speaker 4: just sit back and you say, oh, that's just the

711
00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:26,000
Speaker 4: way that I am, then there's likely no growth that's

712
00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:28,520
Speaker 4: going to come from that. And I honestly have experienced

713
00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:30,719
Speaker 4: this within myself. I just thought about the fact that

714
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:33,120
Speaker 4: I have some trauma. I've mentioned this before and we

715
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:34,880
Speaker 4: can dive into this deeper in another episode, but I

716
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:37,759
Speaker 4: have some trauma around math because of the way that

717
00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:39,640
Speaker 4: math was taught to me and what I experienced at

718
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:42,719
Speaker 4: that kitchen table when I was younger around math. And

719
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:45,160
Speaker 4: so I am right now at this point in life

720
00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:47,799
Speaker 4: where that is the way that I am, and I'm

721
00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:49,960
Speaker 4: okay with that because I do have a calculator that

722
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:52,680
Speaker 4: I can refer to, like I have some trauma around

723
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:54,799
Speaker 4: doing those time stables, and so I'm not the best

724
00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:57,680
Speaker 4: at math, but I've understood that is where I am,

725
00:39:57,680 --> 00:39:59,319
Speaker 4: and that is where I choose to be. So if

726
00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:01,680
Speaker 4: I am, you know, hoping, and I have a goal

727
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:04,400
Speaker 4: to be a math wizard, then I'm going to have

728
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:06,680
Speaker 4: to address that trauma and if I want to move.

729
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:06,960
Speaker 5: Forward with that.

730
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:09,560
Speaker 4: But some of us are okay with things stagnant in

731
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:12,240
Speaker 4: certain areas, but just know that we are the driver

732
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:15,680
Speaker 4: of this shit, right, So we have to own that.

733
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:20,000
Speaker 2: I appreciate that clarification, right, that there is a difference

734
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:26,000
Speaker 2: between choosing to be stagnant and the things about ourselves

735
00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:27,880
Speaker 2: that we are accepting.

736
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:28,520
Speaker 3: Right.

737
00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:34,560
Speaker 2: So, like another example, I say this all the time,

738
00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:36,440
Speaker 2: Like I'll say, like, if there's something that I'm not

739
00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:39,359
Speaker 2: necessarily good at, I will say, oh, such and such

740
00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:42,520
Speaker 2: is not my ministry. So y'all have heard me say,

741
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:45,280
Speaker 2: and Terry, you and I both sharing this, you already

742
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:48,560
Speaker 2: know where I'm going. Dancing is not my ministry, right,

743
00:40:49,840 --> 00:40:54,600
Speaker 2: Like I recognize that I am. I am not out

744
00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:59,879
Speaker 2: here doing Beyonce Mega Stallion with Mees and Janet Jackson choreograph.

745
00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:04,080
Speaker 3: Moves that ain't my life, right, I accept that.

746
00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:10,040
Speaker 2: And the difference between the stagnant that's just the way

747
00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:13,040
Speaker 2: that I am and it's a piece of myself that

748
00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:16,360
Speaker 2: I've accepted, is that that I don't allow it to

749
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 2: completely stop me from dancing. Now, there will be moments

750
00:41:22,239 --> 00:41:25,520
Speaker 2: where I'm like, Nope, this ain't for me. That that

751
00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:31,200
Speaker 2: ain't for me, right, And there will be lots of

752
00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:33,480
Speaker 2: other moments where I'm like, but I'm gonna get out

753
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:35,160
Speaker 2: here and I'm gonna do a little two step, or

754
00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:37,080
Speaker 2: I'm gonna sit right here in my chair and I'm

755
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:39,920
Speaker 2: gonna move my shoulders and you're gonna think that I

756
00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:44,680
Speaker 2: got it right. I'm using that a level of discernment

757
00:41:45,560 --> 00:41:49,239
Speaker 2: to determine where will I fit in, where will I

758
00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:58,480
Speaker 2: allow myself to expand within that boundary of I am

759
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:00,320
Speaker 2: dancing just ain't my minute street.

760
00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:03,480
Speaker 4: I'm glad you pointed that out, do I do think

761
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:06,600
Speaker 4: the big distinction here with this conversation is if there

762
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:09,040
Speaker 4: is a goal that you're hoping to achieve and these

763
00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:10,880
Speaker 4: are the perspectives that you have, then that's when it

764
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:11,960
Speaker 4: becomes problematically.

765
00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:14,440
Speaker 5: Like I know, for me, I have a goal.

766
00:42:14,239 --> 00:42:18,839
Speaker 4: And dream and I will achieve this to be financially independent, right,

767
00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:22,000
Speaker 4: Like there's a level of wealth because of there's a

768
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:24,520
Speaker 4: whole why behind it. But that is what I will achieve,

769
00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:27,200
Speaker 4: and I have a plan in place to get there.

770
00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:30,319
Speaker 4: The plan continues to change, but I Am not ever

771
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:33,239
Speaker 4: going to just let these perspectives like, oh, I haven't

772
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:35,759
Speaker 4: achieved it. So this is where I am like, being

773
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:38,360
Speaker 4: stagnant in that particular area is not an option for me,

774
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:40,680
Speaker 4: So give rich and die try. And it is basically

775
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:42,399
Speaker 4: the mantra, Okay, that's what we're doing.

776
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:47,120
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, And I think that that takes us into

777
00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:56,400
Speaker 2: our fifth reminder that happiness is an inside job, so.

778
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:00,399
Speaker 3: Reminding us that.

779
00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:04,200
Speaker 2: Again, all of these reminders that we are giving you

780
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:07,800
Speaker 2: are about the work that you were doing within. And

781
00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:10,920
Speaker 2: oftentimes as we start a new year or start a

782
00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:15,920
Speaker 2: new season, we hear people talking about happiness, right, and

783
00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:21,040
Speaker 2: the importance of being happy, but no one actually has

784
00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:26,799
Speaker 2: a concrete definition of what happiness looks like. What we

785
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:31,480
Speaker 2: know for sure, though, is that happiness comes from within.

786
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:38,600
Speaker 2: Happiness is about the things that you are contributing to you.

787
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 2: So for black women, happiness looks like self care. And

788
00:43:47,719 --> 00:43:51,439
Speaker 2: we can have multiple episodes on what self care looks like, right,

789
00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:54,480
Speaker 2: and we have talked about the levels of self care

790
00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:58,760
Speaker 2: and all of that, but it also looks like taking

791
00:43:58,880 --> 00:43:59,960
Speaker 2: off that cape.

792
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:01,160
Speaker 3: We are not.

793
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:06,720
Speaker 2: Superhuman, despite what we or society tries to make us believe.

794
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:08,000
Speaker 3: Right.

795
00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:15,080
Speaker 2: Also figuring out that happiness also is about self love

796
00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:20,160
Speaker 2: and being in love with yourself because those are two

797
00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:24,480
Speaker 2: different things. Those look different, right, y'all know, I could

798
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:27,680
Speaker 2: go on and on multiple episodes about each three of

799
00:44:27,680 --> 00:44:29,319
Speaker 2: these things, but Tea, I'm gonna turn it over to you.

800
00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:32,640
Speaker 4: Honestly, Domd I'm looking at I'm like, I think you

801
00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:34,320
Speaker 4: really hit the nail on the head with this. I

802
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:36,200
Speaker 4: think it's just a reminder. And I would say, now,

803
00:44:36,239 --> 00:44:37,680
Speaker 4: it's like a you know, I've been a mom for

804
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:41,080
Speaker 4: almost two years now, I would say mothers especially like,

805
00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:45,160
Speaker 4: it's really important to take that time for yourself. So

806
00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:48,440
Speaker 4: I am very adamant about putting on my mask first

807
00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:51,400
Speaker 4: so that I can be the best person for myself,

808
00:44:51,719 --> 00:44:55,239
Speaker 4: the best wife, the best mother. So I do believe that,

809
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:57,240
Speaker 4: you know, a lot of us have seen other black

810
00:44:57,239 --> 00:45:00,239
Speaker 4: women growing up do everything for everybody else and then

811
00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:03,960
Speaker 4: give themselves little sip of whatever's left in their cup.

812
00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:06,759
Speaker 4: I drink from my cup first. Make sure I'm good,

813
00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:09,440
Speaker 4: because I see how my life and my family and

814
00:45:09,480 --> 00:45:12,600
Speaker 4: my household runs when I'm good, and when I'm good shit,

815
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:16,160
Speaker 4: everything else is good shit. So make sure we good first, ladies. Okay,

816
00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:21,400
Speaker 4: that takes us on to number six. Number six is

817
00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:25,000
Speaker 4: poof this is a this is the one right here,

818
00:45:25,040 --> 00:45:28,319
Speaker 4: this is one another one, okay. Number six is you

819
00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:31,760
Speaker 4: may not get closure from the other person, and that's okay.

820
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:35,719
Speaker 4: You can be your own conduit for closure. And I

821
00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:39,279
Speaker 4: want to read this quote real quick, don from Nedjetwop.

822
00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:43,800
Speaker 4: So the quote says, remember this, endings don't require drama

823
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:47,840
Speaker 4: or toxic behaviors. You can end something because it's not

824
00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:51,439
Speaker 4: what you want, it doesn't fit where you're going, you're

825
00:45:51,520 --> 00:45:55,000
Speaker 4: tired of trying to make it work, your needs have changed,

826
00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:58,279
Speaker 4: or you can no longer accept what is happening. You

827
00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:01,000
Speaker 4: don't have to wait for a major fence to let

828
00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:05,560
Speaker 4: things go. It's okay to bow out gracefully. Sometimes peace

829
00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:09,160
Speaker 4: is more important than giving someone a piece of your mind.

830
00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:12,960
Speaker 4: And let me just say, dom, I used to be

831
00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:15,040
Speaker 4: that person when I was younger. I'm an evolved woman,

832
00:46:15,080 --> 00:46:17,120
Speaker 4: but I used to be this person where I would

833
00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:19,520
Speaker 4: feel like a relationship wasn't for me, but I would

834
00:46:19,600 --> 00:46:21,480
Speaker 4: wait for something so I literally just stay in it,

835
00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:23,799
Speaker 4: even though I've checked out mentally, I'd stay in it, like,

836
00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:25,839
Speaker 4: all right, what kind of story can I come up

837
00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:29,920
Speaker 4: with to make it worthy enough for me to end it?

838
00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:32,319
Speaker 4: So that the other person understands we don't need that shit.

839
00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:34,800
Speaker 4: We don't even need to do that. Another thing, Lady,

840
00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:39,120
Speaker 4: I have been in situations I'm gonna I've talked about

841
00:46:39,120 --> 00:46:41,120
Speaker 4: it on the podcast, but with my mother in particular,

842
00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:44,680
Speaker 4: where I have not gotten the closure that I felt

843
00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:46,920
Speaker 4: as though I was deserving of and that I needed.

844
00:46:46,960 --> 00:46:51,680
Speaker 4: So guess what I did my own closure. I didn't

845
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:54,320
Speaker 4: get the apology that I needed, even though I would

846
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:56,799
Speaker 4: love that, I didn't get that. So guess what I

847
00:46:56,800 --> 00:47:00,239
Speaker 4: had to do my own work internally and with myself

848
00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:02,680
Speaker 4: by myself to give me the closure. I didn't need

849
00:47:02,719 --> 00:47:05,400
Speaker 4: to have that conversation. I didn't get a chance to

850
00:47:05,400 --> 00:47:07,200
Speaker 4: have the conversation that I wanted to have, So I

851
00:47:07,239 --> 00:47:09,520
Speaker 4: did it on my own. It was great, right, It

852
00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:12,560
Speaker 4: sufficed for me. So just a reminder, Lady, very important.

853
00:47:12,560 --> 00:47:14,240
Speaker 4: Don What do you have to share about this topic

854
00:47:14,280 --> 00:47:15,000
Speaker 4: of closure.

855
00:47:16,239 --> 00:47:19,600
Speaker 2: Well, you know, I wholeheartedly agree that we don't have

856
00:47:19,719 --> 00:47:22,680
Speaker 2: to have the other person to get the closure that

857
00:47:22,719 --> 00:47:26,040
Speaker 2: we need, right because the thing that I think about

858
00:47:26,160 --> 00:47:29,400
Speaker 2: is that there are moments when we make those attempts

859
00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:32,880
Speaker 2: to get closure and that other person still does not

860
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:37,359
Speaker 2: provide us with the thing that we identified that we needed. So,

861
00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:41,719
Speaker 2: let's say, because I think about like my younger self, right,

862
00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:47,560
Speaker 2: like I think about in my twenties, and particularly like

863
00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:51,839
Speaker 2: moments in college where I felt like if the relationship

864
00:47:51,960 --> 00:47:56,240
Speaker 2: was ending and it was because the other person did

865
00:47:56,360 --> 00:48:00,239
Speaker 2: something that I felt was like against me, right, or

866
00:48:00,239 --> 00:48:05,320
Speaker 2: something that I didn't want. I thought that I needed

867
00:48:05,360 --> 00:48:07,480
Speaker 2: for the closure to happen, like we needed to have

868
00:48:07,520 --> 00:48:12,440
Speaker 2: this conversation, and essentially the conversation looked like me telling

869
00:48:12,440 --> 00:48:16,200
Speaker 2: you about yourself, like me reading you for filed and

870
00:48:16,239 --> 00:48:20,040
Speaker 2: then I'm out right like I got the last word.

871
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:23,720
Speaker 2: I read you for filth. Now I temporarily in this moment,

872
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:29,600
Speaker 2: feel good about myself because I feel vindicated because you

873
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:34,840
Speaker 2: wronged me according to my perception, right like you wronged me.

874
00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:38,480
Speaker 2: So then I go and read you for philth. Make

875
00:48:38,560 --> 00:48:42,040
Speaker 2: you feel small, and now I can walk away. Right,

876
00:48:44,239 --> 00:48:50,480
Speaker 2: my evolved self says that that's not closure, right, that

877
00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:56,600
Speaker 2: I might still walk away from that and not really

878
00:48:56,719 --> 00:49:01,720
Speaker 2: feel like there was an end to necessarily an ending

879
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:06,680
Speaker 2: to the relationship, right, Or I might have walked into

880
00:49:06,719 --> 00:49:10,400
Speaker 2: the situation and been looking for an apology because I

881
00:49:10,440 --> 00:49:16,080
Speaker 2: felt wrong and I bring that to the person and

882
00:49:16,120 --> 00:49:18,360
Speaker 2: even if I maybe I read them for filth, maybe

883
00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:23,399
Speaker 2: I didn't, but I did indicate that I wanted I expected.

884
00:49:24,040 --> 00:49:27,799
Speaker 2: Let me be clear, I expected an apology and that

885
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:29,640
Speaker 2: was how I was going to get closure.

886
00:49:31,719 --> 00:49:33,080
Speaker 3: But they didn't feel like they did.

887
00:49:32,960 --> 00:49:38,359
Speaker 2: Anything wrong, they didn't feel like there was a need

888
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:45,200
Speaker 2: to have a conversation, and so I still walk away

889
00:49:45,560 --> 00:49:49,959
Speaker 2: with out the closure that I needed or that I expected.

890
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:53,239
Speaker 3: Right, And so what I.

891
00:49:53,200 --> 00:49:57,360
Speaker 2: Usually encourage folks to do is if you are wanting

892
00:49:57,400 --> 00:50:02,120
Speaker 2: to come to an end or have that closure around

893
00:50:02,480 --> 00:50:07,440
Speaker 2: a relationship or a situation, that's the work you do

894
00:50:07,480 --> 00:50:12,040
Speaker 2: with Then maybe it's writing a letter to that person

895
00:50:12,080 --> 00:50:17,480
Speaker 2: that you never sent. Maybe it's doing a video recording

896
00:50:17,520 --> 00:50:19,959
Speaker 2: where you say all the things that you want to say,

897
00:50:21,640 --> 00:50:24,560
Speaker 2: so you get it out and then you hit delete.

898
00:50:26,120 --> 00:50:28,960
Speaker 2: Don't save it because you don't need to keep revisiting it,

899
00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:32,560
Speaker 2: because that's preventing the growth if you keep coming back

900
00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:38,759
Speaker 2: to it. Say it and delete it. And so it's

901
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:42,080
Speaker 2: about figuring out identifying, like what's the thing that you

902
00:50:42,239 --> 00:50:46,560
Speaker 2: need to feel safe and comfortable.

903
00:50:46,760 --> 00:50:47,400
Speaker 3: To move on?

904
00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:51,400
Speaker 5: Yes, yes, yes to all that.

905
00:50:51,440 --> 00:50:53,680
Speaker 4: And I will say I am a sucker for closure,

906
00:50:53,920 --> 00:50:56,480
Speaker 4: Like in my mind when I think about closure, I'm like, Okay,

907
00:50:56,560 --> 00:50:58,960
Speaker 4: we sit down, we have a mature conversation, and like

908
00:50:59,239 --> 00:51:03,239
Speaker 4: they apologize, guys, they take responsibility, and then we're good that.

909
00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:05,480
Speaker 4: It usually don't happen that way. I mean, sometimes you

910
00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:06,920
Speaker 4: get it, but sometimes you don't. But I love that

911
00:51:06,920 --> 00:51:09,759
Speaker 4: you share those tips, Dome. Three of my favorites for

912
00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:12,480
Speaker 4: closure are the empty chair activity, right, The empty chair

913
00:51:12,520 --> 00:51:14,759
Speaker 4: activity where you have the empty chair there, lady, and

914
00:51:14,800 --> 00:51:16,319
Speaker 4: you say all you pretend that the person that you

915
00:51:16,320 --> 00:51:17,879
Speaker 4: want to talk to is there, and you say all

916
00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:20,560
Speaker 4: the things. It can be very emotional. You might have

917
00:51:20,640 --> 00:51:22,960
Speaker 4: some tears to get your tissues ready. The other is

918
00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:26,040
Speaker 4: writing an F you letter. And I don't usually send

919
00:51:26,040 --> 00:51:28,360
Speaker 4: the few letter, but I write a nice F you

920
00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:31,000
Speaker 4: letter to get all that shit, all the energy outside

921
00:51:31,080 --> 00:51:34,000
Speaker 4: of myself. And then I like to do clearing activities

922
00:51:34,040 --> 00:51:36,080
Speaker 4: to just get my you know, get my mental together.

923
00:51:36,200 --> 00:51:39,239
Speaker 4: So love that you pointed that out down the number seven, lady,

924
00:51:39,239 --> 00:51:41,400
Speaker 4: we're gonna before we get to number seven.

925
00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:44,239
Speaker 2: I want to clarify for folks what those clearing activities

926
00:51:44,239 --> 00:51:47,279
Speaker 2: are because I know there would be some questions. Right, So,

927
00:51:47,480 --> 00:51:50,360
Speaker 2: I don't know about for ut but for me, the

928
00:51:50,920 --> 00:51:58,640
Speaker 2: clearing activity involves scrubbing my social media queen of any

929
00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:04,080
Speaker 2: any image of so's if it's a romantic relationship, right yep,

930
00:52:04,800 --> 00:52:07,719
Speaker 2: or even if it's a friendship, it might mean scrubbing

931
00:52:07,719 --> 00:52:10,759
Speaker 2: my social media clean of all imagery.

932
00:52:11,080 --> 00:52:14,520
Speaker 3: Right. It would mean.

933
00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:19,759
Speaker 2: Going through my house and taking all of the things

934
00:52:19,840 --> 00:52:23,799
Speaker 2: that remind me of that person or maybe that that

935
00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:28,360
Speaker 2: person gave me. So there may be things that you

936
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:30,480
Speaker 2: have any the things that remind you of that person

937
00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:37,279
Speaker 2: that there's an emotional attachment to, and you get rid

938
00:52:37,320 --> 00:52:40,879
Speaker 2: of those things. Right, So maybe in your closing, your

939
00:52:40,960 --> 00:52:45,240
Speaker 2: clearing ceremony, it's you gather up all of those things,

940
00:52:46,320 --> 00:52:51,680
Speaker 2: you say a prayer over it, and you throw it away.

941
00:52:52,160 --> 00:52:55,560
Speaker 2: Right now, we don't have to be all Angela Bascat

942
00:52:55,600 --> 00:52:58,000
Speaker 2: and waiting to exhale and set the stuff on fire.

943
00:52:59,120 --> 00:53:04,239
Speaker 2: But that was her badass way of having a clearing ceremony,

944
00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:07,400
Speaker 2: like get all this shit out my house and burn it.

945
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:12,200
Speaker 2: But identifying what are the things, like taking those things

946
00:53:12,239 --> 00:53:18,319
Speaker 2: that are physical reminders and getting rid of them so

947
00:53:18,360 --> 00:53:22,080
Speaker 2: that you are clearing out the physical space, which will

948
00:53:22,320 --> 00:53:26,240
Speaker 2: eventually clear out your mental and psychological space.

949
00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:31,240
Speaker 4: I'm glad that you wanted to dive into the clearing

950
00:53:31,280 --> 00:53:34,160
Speaker 4: down because those are some beautiful, beautiful tips there. And

951
00:53:34,200 --> 00:53:38,240
Speaker 4: I'm laughing because when you said, I was literally typing

952
00:53:38,320 --> 00:53:41,520
Speaker 4: burn it as you were talking about Angela Bassett, because

953
00:53:41,560 --> 00:53:44,239
Speaker 4: I do sometimes at my clearing activities.

954
00:53:44,280 --> 00:53:44,840
Speaker 5: It does.

955
00:53:45,719 --> 00:53:48,720
Speaker 4: It does include like burning my few letters, like burning

956
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:50,319
Speaker 4: the letter so I don't go back and try to

957
00:53:50,360 --> 00:53:53,200
Speaker 4: revisit and keep reading it because it brings up those emotions.

958
00:53:53,200 --> 00:53:56,880
Speaker 4: Again for me, it includes meditating with intention on whatever

959
00:53:56,920 --> 00:54:00,280
Speaker 4: my intention might be. And then also some cord cuttingly

960
00:54:00,320 --> 00:54:04,319
Speaker 4: cutting the chord between myself and the other person and

961
00:54:04,520 --> 00:54:08,040
Speaker 4: either you know, visualizing the chord burning or just like

962
00:54:08,080 --> 00:54:10,120
Speaker 4: giving the cord up to the universe and being like, okay,

963
00:54:10,280 --> 00:54:11,680
Speaker 4: I'm gonna just put it up there, and if it's

964
00:54:11,760 --> 00:54:14,800
Speaker 4: meant to be a connection that we revisit in the future, okay.

965
00:54:14,840 --> 00:54:17,080
Speaker 4: If not, that's cool too. So those are just some

966
00:54:17,120 --> 00:54:20,399
Speaker 4: of the steps that I use for clearing. So shall

967
00:54:20,440 --> 00:54:22,560
Speaker 4: we dive into number seven. I'm excited about number seven.

968
00:54:22,680 --> 00:54:24,960
Speaker 3: To do it, let's do it.

969
00:54:24,960 --> 00:54:26,840
Speaker 4: And number seven, okay, let's just get let's get it

970
00:54:26,840 --> 00:54:30,440
Speaker 4: to number seven is this is an ancient proverb? Is

971
00:54:30,440 --> 00:54:34,839
Speaker 4: what I heard Okay. So number seven is you were

972
00:54:34,960 --> 00:54:39,080
Speaker 4: bad bitch and you got this shit. Okay, you a

973
00:54:39,120 --> 00:54:41,040
Speaker 4: bad bitch and you got this shit. And I know

974
00:54:41,080 --> 00:54:42,879
Speaker 4: it might sound funny, you might be like girl by,

975
00:54:43,120 --> 00:54:46,719
Speaker 4: but listen, this is actually something that I've viewed, Like

976
00:54:46,760 --> 00:54:48,880
Speaker 4: I used this year as one of my personal mantras

977
00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:50,799
Speaker 4: because this is this is kind of how I speak

978
00:54:50,800 --> 00:54:51,280
Speaker 4: to myself.

979
00:54:51,320 --> 00:54:52,000
Speaker 5: I go from like.

980
00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:55,240
Speaker 4: Boo and bitch, like that's what I that's my internal dialogue.

981
00:54:55,320 --> 00:54:57,920
Speaker 4: But it's not like a nasty bitch. It's just like bitch,

982
00:54:57,960 --> 00:54:59,640
Speaker 4: what you're doing, like what we're doing. You know, it's

983
00:54:59,719 --> 00:55:01,200
Speaker 4: a I'm been dear me, you know how we do.

984
00:55:01,520 --> 00:55:04,600
Speaker 4: So anyway, I want to say, for this particular tip

985
00:55:04,680 --> 00:55:08,040
Speaker 4: or reminder that you are worthy and I truly believe

986
00:55:08,120 --> 00:55:11,560
Speaker 4: that your dreams exist because they're possible, you know, like

987
00:55:11,640 --> 00:55:14,560
Speaker 4: I really believe. There's a quote and you have to

988
00:55:14,560 --> 00:55:16,719
Speaker 4: google the quote to get the author's name because I

989
00:55:16,719 --> 00:55:17,879
Speaker 4: always butcher their name.

990
00:55:17,920 --> 00:55:19,680
Speaker 5: But the quote is the creator.

991
00:55:19,320 --> 00:55:22,279
Speaker 4: Did not give you a longing to do that which

992
00:55:22,320 --> 00:55:24,320
Speaker 4: you have no ability to do. So if the dream

993
00:55:24,400 --> 00:55:27,799
Speaker 4: is there, it's possible that you can achieve it, Like

994
00:55:27,840 --> 00:55:29,799
Speaker 4: it's not just there to be cute. It's not just

995
00:55:29,840 --> 00:55:32,040
Speaker 4: there to be there, like, you can actually achieve this.

996
00:55:32,560 --> 00:55:36,680
Speaker 4: And so this year I was working on a project

997
00:55:36,880 --> 00:55:39,479
Speaker 4: that was very technical for me, and usually I'm really

998
00:55:39,480 --> 00:55:42,279
Speaker 4: good with technical things, but this project was very difficult.

999
00:55:42,719 --> 00:55:45,000
Speaker 4: I was in a space where I was being challenged.

1000
00:55:45,040 --> 00:55:48,200
Speaker 4: I was struggling, and my internal dialogue was like, butch,

1001
00:55:48,239 --> 00:55:50,480
Speaker 4: I don't know, we can do this, and so I said, oh, QUOTEA.

1002
00:55:50,880 --> 00:55:54,120
Speaker 4: So this was the mantra. And every morning, almost every morning,

1003
00:55:54,160 --> 00:55:55,600
Speaker 4: I would I would say to myself and I would

1004
00:55:55,640 --> 00:55:57,320
Speaker 4: kind of do it like Asa Ray on our show.

1005
00:55:57,680 --> 00:56:00,440
Speaker 4: You know, she'd goes and that's exactly what I wouldn't

1006
00:56:00,440 --> 00:56:02,759
Speaker 4: do it right, I wouldn't do it in the mirror,

1007
00:56:02,840 --> 00:56:04,520
Speaker 4: but I'll be like you a bad bitch and you

1008
00:56:04,640 --> 00:56:06,640
Speaker 4: got this ship you and I would just kind of

1009
00:56:06,640 --> 00:56:08,719
Speaker 4: say it to myself. I'm like yas you are. And

1010
00:56:08,760 --> 00:56:11,759
Speaker 4: it made me feel good. So whatever whatever makes you

1011
00:56:11,800 --> 00:56:13,759
Speaker 4: feel good, go lean into it. What do you think

1012
00:56:13,760 --> 00:56:15,280
Speaker 4: about this reminder dom.

1013
00:56:16,520 --> 00:56:20,439
Speaker 2: The East Array from like the Insecure scenes like that?

1014
00:56:20,520 --> 00:56:24,959
Speaker 2: It was immediately it comes to mind for me, is yes,

1015
00:56:25,239 --> 00:56:28,200
Speaker 2: those positive affirmations and mantras that you have to say

1016
00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:30,520
Speaker 2: to yourself, and like I think about like for like

1017
00:56:30,600 --> 00:56:34,640
Speaker 2: for me personally, like I will like stand in the

1018
00:56:34,640 --> 00:56:38,120
Speaker 2: mirror and have those conversations and sometimes I do my

1019
00:56:38,280 --> 00:56:42,080
Speaker 2: own personal dancing in the mirror. And because this is

1020
00:56:42,120 --> 00:56:44,080
Speaker 2: this is advancing, that's not for public consumption.

1021
00:56:45,560 --> 00:56:47,759
Speaker 5: You be freestyling, su doan, you be freestyling?

1022
00:56:48,760 --> 00:56:52,680
Speaker 2: Listen, I'm not a freestyle for you. That what I'll

1023
00:56:52,719 --> 00:56:56,000
Speaker 2: be in there having my own praise moments of like

1024
00:56:56,560 --> 00:57:01,040
Speaker 2: you got this, like you a baddie, like whatever it

1025
00:57:01,160 --> 00:57:03,759
Speaker 2: is that I need to say, or maybe it's some

1026
00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:07,799
Speaker 2: music that I'm playing to like hype myself up so

1027
00:57:07,840 --> 00:57:13,360
Speaker 2: that like I am reminding myself that I am worthy,

1028
00:57:14,080 --> 00:57:18,040
Speaker 2: I am enough, I am a bad bitch, I am

1029
00:57:18,160 --> 00:57:21,080
Speaker 2: the prize, I got this shit. And as you can

1030
00:57:21,120 --> 00:57:24,360
Speaker 2: see how easily I'm rattling those off because those are

1031
00:57:24,440 --> 00:57:29,120
Speaker 2: ones that I am constantly saying to myself. I encourage

1032
00:57:29,120 --> 00:57:32,760
Speaker 2: in my private practice. I encourage the clients that I

1033
00:57:32,760 --> 00:57:38,400
Speaker 2: work with to have positive affirmations, right like that, having

1034
00:57:38,480 --> 00:57:41,520
Speaker 2: those things that you can easily go to to build

1035
00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:46,480
Speaker 2: up your own personal reserve of like.

1036
00:57:47,960 --> 00:57:52,320
Speaker 3: Positive energy and self esteem, like that is so.

1037
00:57:52,360 --> 00:57:56,280
Speaker 2: Important because the world is constantly trying to tear us

1038
00:57:56,320 --> 00:58:01,520
Speaker 2: down and when we are working on achieving certain goals.

1039
00:58:01,520 --> 00:58:06,240
Speaker 2: So as we're reflecting on this overall conversation that as

1040
00:58:06,280 --> 00:58:09,880
Speaker 2: we are working to achieve certain goals, sometimes there are

1041
00:58:09,920 --> 00:58:16,160
Speaker 2: things that will come in that will serve as a barrier. Potentially, right,

1042
00:58:16,880 --> 00:58:20,320
Speaker 2: we'll serve as a roadblock or a stumbling block. And

1043
00:58:21,520 --> 00:58:25,320
Speaker 2: this reminder, like all seven of our minders, are important,

1044
00:58:25,680 --> 00:58:28,400
Speaker 2: but I think that this last one, like the one

1045
00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:32,800
Speaker 2: about hyping this one of hyping yourself up, is the

1046
00:58:32,800 --> 00:58:36,880
Speaker 2: one that is that constant daily reminder that we need

1047
00:58:37,480 --> 00:58:39,680
Speaker 2: that we got.

1048
00:58:39,480 --> 00:58:43,480
Speaker 4: This amen to everything you said. And I know, I

1049
00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:46,080
Speaker 4: know that somebody's listening and they try and be deep

1050
00:58:46,160 --> 00:58:48,160
Speaker 4: with this. So I just wanted to find a little

1051
00:58:48,200 --> 00:58:51,400
Speaker 4: bit bad bitch because I know there are different definitions

1052
00:58:51,440 --> 00:58:53,640
Speaker 4: for this. I know for me personally, it means being full,

1053
00:58:53,960 --> 00:58:57,520
Speaker 4: being resilient, committing to my values, and loving myself. So

1054
00:58:57,560 --> 00:59:00,280
Speaker 4: it's not like the Instagram bad bitch type of by

1055
00:59:00,360 --> 00:59:01,920
Speaker 4: that you get. There's nothing wrong with looking good on

1056
00:59:01,960 --> 00:59:03,680
Speaker 4: the outside, and I like to look good and feel

1057
00:59:03,760 --> 00:59:06,240
Speaker 4: sexy and all that good stuff because that is important

1058
00:59:06,240 --> 00:59:08,919
Speaker 4: to me. But for me, it's more of an internal thing.

1059
00:59:09,160 --> 00:59:13,200
Speaker 4: It's how I'm functioning internally right how my mindset is

1060
00:59:13,560 --> 00:59:17,240
Speaker 4: my character, integrity, being good to other people, being kind,

1061
00:59:17,280 --> 00:59:18,840
Speaker 4: all that good stuff. So I just want to clarify

1062
00:59:18,840 --> 00:59:20,800
Speaker 4: I so ID know somebody was like, ohd that what

1063
00:59:20,920 --> 00:59:24,480
Speaker 4: you mean by that average? So I think that concludes

1064
00:59:24,520 --> 00:59:26,320
Speaker 4: all our tips, Dome. Should we do a quick recap

1065
00:59:26,360 --> 00:59:30,720
Speaker 4: and then we'll share our final reminder about our Instagram post?

1066
00:59:31,680 --> 00:59:31,919
Speaker 5: Yes?

1067
00:59:32,040 --> 00:59:36,919
Speaker 2: Yes, so all right, let's go through our reminders that

1068
00:59:36,960 --> 00:59:41,200
Speaker 2: we need to remember if we want to have a

1069
00:59:41,200 --> 00:59:47,240
Speaker 2: successful year. Reminder Number one, if you fail to plan,

1070
00:59:48,240 --> 00:59:54,480
Speaker 2: then you plan to fail. Number two, be aware of

1071
00:59:54,520 --> 01:00:01,280
Speaker 2: what's owning you. Number three. Choose your life partner wisely

1072
01:00:01,920 --> 01:00:05,040
Speaker 2: and know that it's okay to change your mind.

1073
01:00:06,400 --> 01:00:07,040
Speaker 3: Number four.

1074
01:00:08,080 --> 01:00:13,439
Speaker 2: A closed mind is the beginning of a stagnant life.

1075
01:00:13,760 --> 01:00:18,080
Speaker 2: Number five, happiness is an inside job.

1076
01:00:20,240 --> 01:00:22,600
Speaker 3: Number six you.

1077
01:00:22,520 --> 01:00:26,760
Speaker 2: May not get closure from the other person, and that's okay.

1078
01:00:26,880 --> 01:00:30,240
Speaker 2: You can be your own conduit for closure.

1079
01:00:31,920 --> 01:00:33,720
Speaker 3: And magic. Number seven.

1080
01:00:34,960 --> 01:00:42,760
Speaker 2: You a bad bitch, all.

1081
01:00:39,480 --> 01:00:41,320
Speaker 4: Right, ladies, So make sure you head on over to

1082
01:00:41,360 --> 01:00:44,400
Speaker 4: our Instagram at Herspace podcast and just scroll down our

1083
01:00:44,440 --> 01:00:48,120
Speaker 4: feed and look for the orange square. On the orange square,

1084
01:00:48,160 --> 01:00:49,600
Speaker 4: what we want you to do, no matter when you

1085
01:00:49,600 --> 01:00:51,120
Speaker 4: listen to this episode. So if you got to scroll

1086
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Speaker 4: back a little bit, that's cool too. At Herspace Podcasts

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01:00:53,760 --> 01:00:56,720
Speaker 4: on Instagram, go ahead and drop a reminder that you

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01:00:56,800 --> 01:00:59,000
Speaker 4: are telling yourself or something that you're telling your friends.

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01:00:59,000 --> 01:01:01,040
Speaker 4: Tell us what y'all talking about the group chat. Let

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01:01:01,120 --> 01:01:03,439
Speaker 4: us know what reminders you are leaning into this year,

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01:01:03,480 --> 01:01:06,440
Speaker 4: so that we can come together as a community and

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01:01:06,480 --> 01:01:08,880
Speaker 4: we can all be encouraged by all of the wisdom

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01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:11,600
Speaker 4: on that post. We appreciate you for listening.

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01:01:11,680 --> 01:01:13,640
Speaker 5: We love you. We appreciate you so much. Make sure

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01:01:13,640 --> 01:01:15,240
Speaker 5: you leave us a five star review.

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01:01:15,200 --> 01:01:18,560
Speaker 4: And we're now going to record our after show where

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01:01:18,560 --> 01:01:20,600
Speaker 4: we kind of talk about the episode and give you

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01:01:20,600 --> 01:01:22,440
Speaker 4: a little behind the scenes scoop of what's going on

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01:01:22,480 --> 01:01:25,439
Speaker 4: in our lives. So make sure you visit herspacepodcast dot

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01:01:25,440 --> 01:01:28,200
Speaker 4: com click on the Patreon tab and you can watch

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01:01:28,280 --> 01:01:31,240
Speaker 4: us and listen to us for the after show. See

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01:01:31,240 --> 01:01:32,680
Speaker 4: you next week.

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Speaker 1: Hey lady, it's Terry here from the Cultivating her Space podcast.

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01:01:37,360 --> 01:01:40,160
Speaker 1: I'm hosting a free podcasting masterclass where I'm going to

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01:01:40,200 --> 01:01:43,800
Speaker 1: teach you how to create your impactful podcast and how

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01:01:43,800 --> 01:01:46,880
Speaker 1: you can generate multiple streams of income. You can visit

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01:01:47,000 --> 01:01:50,800
Speaker 1: podcast with Terry dot com to register for free. I

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01:01:50,840 --> 01:01:51,680
Speaker 1: hope to see you there.

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Speaker 3: You thanks for joining us today. Please note that our

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Speaker 3: show may contain conversations about health, help, advice, self empowerment,

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01:02:03,760 --> 01:02:06,960
Speaker 3: and mental health, but is by no means meant to

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01:02:06,960 --> 01:02:10,960
Speaker 3: be a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a

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01:02:11,000 --> 01:02:14,840
Speaker 3: trained mental health provider. If you are someone you know

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01:02:15,400 --> 01:02:18,320
Speaker 3: is in need of mental health care, please visit a

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01:02:18,440 --> 01:02:23,840
Speaker 3: Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your

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01:02:23,840 --> 01:02:24,800
Speaker 3: insurance provider.

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01:02:25,160 --> 01:02:26,840
Speaker 4: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

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Speaker 4: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and

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01:02:30,840 --> 01:02:35,760
Speaker 4: Twitter at Herspace podcast, or check on our website at

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Speaker 4: herspace podcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat

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Speaker 4: after me. I attract abundance and prosperity with ease