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Speaker 1: The only thing America loves more than the coming of

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Speaker 1: age story is watching that same person fall from grace.

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Speaker 1: Dead ass. That's sad, and that's the exact reason why

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Speaker 1: I don't necessarily care for no Fame ship. Hey, I'm

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Speaker 1: Cadine and we're the Ellises. You may know us from

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Speaker 1: posting funny videos with our boys and reading each other

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Speaker 1: publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you

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Speaker 1: need therapy most days. Wow. And one more important thing

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Speaker 1: to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We created

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Speaker 1: this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most

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Speaker 1: taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about

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Speaker 1: through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

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Speaker 1: is the term that we say every day. So when

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Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth,

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Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about

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Speaker 1: to take Philows off to a whole new level. Dead

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Speaker 1: As starts right now. Two six. This goes back to

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Speaker 1: when I first made it to the NFL, and this

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Speaker 1: is when you start feeling yourself. You know what I'm saying. Um,

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Speaker 1: I was a free agent trial. I went through a lot.

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Speaker 1: Everybody knows the story to make to the NFL. But

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Speaker 1: I finally made it, and for years of being the

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Speaker 1: underdog and being counted out um not having any scholarship offers,

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Speaker 1: having to walk on, I felt like I was this ship,

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Speaker 1: like you couldn't tell me anything. At the time, I

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Speaker 1: was five ten hundred and sixty five pounds. I went

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Speaker 1: to a small school. I'm from Brooklyn. No real football

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Speaker 1: players come from Brooklyn. It's not a football state. I

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Speaker 1: felt like I made it, like I was the one

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Speaker 1: percent of people who didn't make it. I was the

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Speaker 1: one percent, and I felt like I was on top

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Speaker 1: of the world. I felt like I had figured out

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Speaker 1: life and going through that whole process in the NFL.

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Speaker 1: I got humbled when I got there and realized that

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Speaker 1: even though I was the one percent of the people

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Speaker 1: in my community who made it, when I got to

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Speaker 1: the NFL, I was just another person, you know. And

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Speaker 1: it taught me a valuable lesson that no matter how

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Speaker 1: good you may think you are or how much praise

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Speaker 1: you get from those around you, your world doesn't exist

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Speaker 1: in that vacuum. Once you step out of that world,

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Speaker 1: you get hit with a mack truck, and that mack

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Speaker 1: truck is the rest of the world, and they will

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Speaker 1: humble you very quick, very quickly, because there's chances are

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Speaker 1: there's probably somebody else with a similar story, right forget

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Speaker 1: somebody else, there's somebody else's with so many other people

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Speaker 1: have similar stories to mind, and it humbled me. I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm still proud of my accomplishment, but it definitely humbled me.

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Speaker 1: And let me know of that. You ain't that special, bro,

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Speaker 1: You still got a lot of work to do this

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Speaker 1: to stay where you are. Li la la la, wait

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Speaker 1: till I get my money right. Oh, I had a

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Speaker 1: dream I could about my way to heaven. When I woke,

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Speaker 1: I spent that on a necklace. I told God, I'll

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Speaker 1: be back in the second. Man, it's so hard not

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Speaker 1: to act regularly. To whom much is given, much is tested.

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Speaker 1: I'm see. I'm glad we ended all to who much

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Speaker 1: is given, much is tested, because that's gonna take me

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Speaker 1: back to story time. Also take me back to something

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Speaker 1: that happened earlier in the year. Well, I want to

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Speaker 1: hear about that. But let's take a quick break and

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Speaker 1: we're gonna get back into the meat of the show.

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Speaker 1: Let's just let's just first go back to the initial

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Speaker 1: sound bite. Right, the only thing Americans love more than

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Speaker 1: the coming of age story is watching someone fall from grace. Right.

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Speaker 1: Proof of that when you ever heard of rubber necking.

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Speaker 1: Rubber Necking is when you're on the highway and there's

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Speaker 1: an accident on the opposite side and you have traffic

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Speaker 1: on your side because people can't help but watch the wreckage. Right,

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Speaker 1: Americans love to watch wreckage. So they love to build

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Speaker 1: people up and make them this hero. But more than that,

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Speaker 1: they love to watch people fall. It's like it's like

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Speaker 1: for them, it's something enjoyable. Look at all of the

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Speaker 1: heartache that person is going through. They think they're so perfect,

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Speaker 1: their life is so perfect. But watch right, it's it's

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Speaker 1: it's part of um, part of a projection. Because I

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Speaker 1: say this all the time. The world's wealth is controlled

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Speaker 1: by one percent of the population. So most people in

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Speaker 1: the world, especially in America, which is a capitalist country,

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Speaker 1: are not happy with their place in life because financially

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Speaker 1: they can't provide the life they want to have. So

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Speaker 1: watching other people struggle is a form of entertainment autely

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Speaker 1: a lot of people, And if you understand socio economics,

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Speaker 1: you can understand why people are in that place in

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Speaker 1: their life. But um, as a celebrity, quote unquote, if

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Speaker 1: you're considered a celebrity, it's important for you to understand

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Speaker 1: this aspect. Right. When you're celebrated, you're celebrated because you

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Speaker 1: do something exceptionally right, and with that you are rewarded financially. Right,

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Speaker 1: you're exceptionally doing this job. Whether it's CEO of a company,

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Speaker 1: or athlete or an entertainer or a politician, you're celebrated.

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Speaker 1: You're a celebrity. You're celebrated for doing something exceptional. With

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Speaker 1: that comes partnerships where you get to make money. But

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Speaker 1: with that money comes brands, and you have a responsibility

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Speaker 1: to those brands who pay you, or the people who

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Speaker 1: pay you, to keep a certain level of integrity or

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Speaker 1: a certain image, certain image cohesive, cohesive with their brand. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and a lot of people need to understand that when

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Speaker 1: you're celebrated for being exceptional, you're required to be exceptional

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Speaker 1: in all aspects of life. And I think that's where

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Speaker 1: people start to struggle, Especially in today's age. I see

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Speaker 1: a lot more celebrities saying, well, I'm human. You know,

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Speaker 1: I'm only human. I'm only human, which I understand, or

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Speaker 1: they say I'm not here to be your child's role model.

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Speaker 1: You know, you need to be the parent, and you

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Speaker 1: need to be the one that's filtering with your children. See,

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Speaker 1: because I am just entertaining right, which which is fair,

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Speaker 1: but it's not always true. Right. For example, if you

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Speaker 1: want to be celebrated for being exceptional, you have a

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Speaker 1: responsibility to be exceptional in the eyes of those people

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Speaker 1: who pay to watch you be exceptional, even when you

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Speaker 1: don't want to be exceptional. So that means moving in

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Speaker 1: an exceptional manner. If you mess up, you will get

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Speaker 1: exceptional criticism. You know, the same way you're praised for

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Speaker 1: being exceptional. When you mess up, they are going to

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Speaker 1: tear your ass down exceptionally. And if you are smart

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Speaker 1: enough to recognize that, you learn to move with integrity,

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Speaker 1: right because as integrity allows you to live your truth,

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Speaker 1: not for a brand, not for people, or not for praise,

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Speaker 1: but you live for what's important to you. This way,

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Speaker 1: you don't have to constantly put on a performance. Right

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Speaker 1: and at that point, whatever is naturally supposed to align

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Speaker 1: with you and your brand or your personality or your

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Speaker 1: persona is naturally going to take take place. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: that's and I think that's where when people ask all

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Speaker 1: the time, like you know, with the public eye on

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Speaker 1: and stuff, how hard is it to keep integrity? It

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Speaker 1: is difficult to keep integrity. I want I want people

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Speaker 1: to think about this. Right, Imagine you come from and

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Speaker 1: I don't want to use entertainment or athletics. I'm going

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Speaker 1: to use something completely different that people can relate to,

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Speaker 1: but you can look at it through the lens of

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Speaker 1: a professional athlete and entertainer. Imagine that you're the first

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Speaker 1: in your family to graduate and go to college and

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Speaker 1: you work in tech. Right, you graduate with honors, and

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Speaker 1: you automatically get a job at one of these startup

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Speaker 1: companies making a quarter million in dollars, more than your

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Speaker 1: money is your your family has ever seen before. Right, Um,

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Speaker 1: you're a black person. You're celebrated by the black community

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Speaker 1: as being a glass ceiling breaker. Right. You're one of

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Speaker 1: the first in your areas in tech to get this

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Speaker 1: position right out of college. So now you're not only

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Speaker 1: making a lot of money, you're also being celebrated for it.

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Speaker 1: There's a lot of pressure that comes with that, right,

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Speaker 1: but also there's a lot of behaviors that since you

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Speaker 1: grew up um in an environment where it wasn't supported

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Speaker 1: by the life you're living in now. When you get

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Speaker 1: to that new life, a lot of people don't necessarily

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Speaker 1: know how to maneuver right. And the reason why I

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Speaker 1: was choosing this lane because the minute you say entertainment

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Speaker 1: or athletics, people automatically assume the words from athletes or entertainers.

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Speaker 1: But this often happens with people who work in finance,

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Speaker 1: or work in tech, or work in any industry where

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Speaker 1: they make a lot of money at a young age.

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Speaker 1: It's difficult to keep your integrity when you have a

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Speaker 1: responsibility to provide for a lot of people who don't

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Speaker 1: have those opportunities as you. And since it's difficult to

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Speaker 1: live in that to existent and provide for people, when

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Speaker 1: people start to throw money your way, you're willing to

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Speaker 1: do whatever you can to get it. You see what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. And the reason why I say I use

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Speaker 1: that example and not entertainment because people often say Hollywood

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Speaker 1: is the devil, you know what I'm saying, or people

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Speaker 1: have to sell a soul to make in thee going

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Speaker 1: to say is it because entertainers and athletes have an

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Speaker 1: aspirational lifestyle that some people wish they could have, or

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Speaker 1: is it just the admiration that they have for these individuals.

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Speaker 1: What I think it is is that in our community,

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Speaker 1: especially um the black community, we look up to athletes

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Speaker 1: and entertainers because those are the ones we see make it.

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Speaker 1: They're the flashy ones. Mind you, most of the millionaires

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Speaker 1: in our community do not work in athletics or entertainment,

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Speaker 1: and that's that's fly right under the radar because they're

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Speaker 1: driving there. You talk about it. There are tons of

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Speaker 1: black millionaires work in the tech space, who work in

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Speaker 1: real estate, who work in construction, who build a great

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Speaker 1: life for themselves, but they're not celebrated because you're not flashy.

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Speaker 1: So when it comes to entertainers and athletes, we look

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Speaker 1: at them as the pinnacle of people who made it

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Speaker 1: out and they made it out quickly. So when you're

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Speaker 1: twenty two and you've made a million dollars because you

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Speaker 1: did a song, or you're on YouTube, or you've been

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Speaker 1: drafted and whatever sport you play, people aspire to get

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Speaker 1: that level of gratification. There's also too Yeah they think

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Speaker 1: it's instant, but I mean, think about the athlete who's

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Speaker 1: drafted chances are you hear the story about the kid

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Speaker 1: that was drafted in the first round been playing football

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Speaker 1: since he was two, and there is a road to

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Speaker 1: getting to that, So it didn't necessarily happen overnight. Like

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Speaker 1: you said, that person who was a celebrity, they are

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Speaker 1: deemed to be exceptional in whatever it is that they do.

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Speaker 1: So sometimes I can't understand the mindset where people want

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Speaker 1: to bash or look down on, or praise the fall

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Speaker 1: of some from that status because is it maybe a

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Speaker 1: bit of jealousy wrapped in there or envy, or is

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Speaker 1: it just like ha, you know, you can't necessarily always

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Speaker 1: be at the top, because that's not life. People aren't

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Speaker 1: always at the top. Well, it comes back to things

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Speaker 1: not being fair. Right, when the world's wealth is controlled

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Speaker 1: by one percent of the population, it's not fair. There

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Speaker 1: are people who don't get access to have that live

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Speaker 1: that aspirational lifestyle, even if they do things the right way,

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Speaker 1: because the system is created for only a small amount

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Speaker 1: of people to make money. Right, So when you lived

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Speaker 1: your life and you're working so hard and it seems

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Speaker 1: like you can't break through, you start to have resentment

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Speaker 1: towards everybody, and then you you struggling in life. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: you know, you don't want a constant reminder that you're struggling.

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Speaker 1: So when you watch someone that you you see that

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Speaker 1: you admire, or go through a struggle, you relate to that.

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Speaker 1: You know, now you're struggling, that I can relate to

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Speaker 1: that struggle because I struggle every day. So a lot

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Speaker 1: of times people think always, hey, sometimes it's not hate.

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Speaker 1: You know, you can't relate to people that don't have

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Speaker 1: the same lifestyle as you. So when you're watching someone

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Speaker 1: go through a struggle that you admire, it's easier for

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Speaker 1: you to say, man, I'm not the only one going

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Speaker 1: through something. They're going through it too. But when it

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Speaker 1: comes to integrity, imagine you, for example, I been struggling

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Speaker 1: your whole life, and now you have an opportunity to

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Speaker 1: create financial freedom for yourself and those around you. And

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Speaker 1: it's like, all I gotta do is that. Okay, you

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Speaker 1: know I've I've been doing all the right things for

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Speaker 1: this long and nothing's been happening for me. But now

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Speaker 1: you just want me to do that and you'll give

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Speaker 1: me X amount of dollars. Hell, yeah, I'm doing that

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Speaker 1: because and that's and that's how people That's how people

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Speaker 1: find themselves when they get to any level. And that's

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Speaker 1: why I'm not going to just make it Hollywood and athletics.

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Speaker 1: Even in corporate culture. You hear so many people in

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Speaker 1: corporate culture talk about how cutthroat and evil it is

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Speaker 1: at that level, because in order to ascend, typically you

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Speaker 1: have to step on someone else, or you have to

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Speaker 1: do something wait for somebody to get leave their position,

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Speaker 1: whether they're fired or you know, or you have to

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Speaker 1: do something outside of your integrity in order to get there.

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Speaker 1: Like you hear you say the time, well, who did

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Speaker 1: they sleep with tickets? And it has nothing to do

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Speaker 1: with Hollywood or athletics. It's just trying to ascend in life.

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Speaker 1: What kills me is the fact that people want to

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Speaker 1: throw the Illuminati all over us, like, oh, it can't

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Speaker 1: possibly be that these people have just worked and worked. Yes, folks,

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Speaker 1: we've had some people say the devot I have not

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Speaker 1: become members of the Illuminati. People there my tax bracket

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Speaker 1: don't say Illuminati status yet based off of who is

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Speaker 1: making Illuminati style money. But y'all can't just be okay

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Speaker 1: with the fact that two people have just been working

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Speaker 1: as kids in Brooklyn struggling and working hard over the

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Speaker 1: past twenty years to build out a life that we

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Speaker 1: had got to be a shortcut because somebody sold. They

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Speaker 1: sold to somebody devil. Do you want to imagine spending

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Speaker 1: your whole life working hard, going to school, only getting

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Speaker 1: bills doing something they're not working out, and then you

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Speaker 1: see two people who you grew up with actually make it.

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Speaker 1: Some people in their mind said, it's not possible that

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Speaker 1: they that they made it when I'm selling the soul

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Speaker 1: because I think everything and and sometimes it doesn't happen

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Speaker 1: for everybody, Like, we know a lot of people who

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Speaker 1: work their tail off, doing everything the right way, and

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. I felt like that when I

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Speaker 1: was in Yeah that way. I I've worked my ass off,

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Speaker 1: Cadine has worked her ass off, And I do watch

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Speaker 1: other people get praise for doing things, not even at

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Speaker 1: a standard that I've done, and they get praised by

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Speaker 1: by other people or different media outlets, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: wait a minute, how did this person get praised for

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Speaker 1: that when I've been doing this for four years at

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Speaker 1: an elite level and no one says anything. At times,

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Speaker 1: it does become difficult for you to realize that that

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Speaker 1: is not your moment. What I don't do is I

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Speaker 1: never downplay someone else's moment because if that's their moment,

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Speaker 1: but it's it's not that easy for some people, you know.

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Speaker 1: It's just it's just not And I have so many

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Speaker 1: other sspects of my life that I'm at peace with

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Speaker 1: that I'm not solely, you know, defined by my career.

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Speaker 1: And a lot of times people struggle in life because

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Speaker 1: their career defines them. Right, my career doesn't define me.

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Speaker 1: If if I don't act tomorrow, I'm still gonna make

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Speaker 1: money in all my other business projects. I'm still going

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Speaker 1: to be a dad, I'm still going to be a husband,

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Speaker 1: I'm still gonna be a friend, a brother. So there's

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Speaker 1: so many different aspects of devout that I can lean

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Speaker 1: on that I don't feel the need to downplay or

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Speaker 1: which down downfall on someone else who is in the

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Speaker 1: position and I want to be in. But for a

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Speaker 1: lot of people, they don't have those other aspects. They

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Speaker 1: don't have a village to rally behind, so their integrity

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Speaker 1: is often compromised because they want that one thing that

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Speaker 1: they think defines them. If me being a CEO of

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Speaker 1: this company and being the first Black CEO defines me.

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Speaker 1: I'm willing to do anything to get there. If if

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Speaker 1: I want to be the first actor in this movie

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Speaker 1: to do this, I'm gonna do anything. If I want

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Speaker 1: to be a first round pick, I'm gonna do anything.

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Speaker 1: It's in every even at the freaking post office. We

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Speaker 1: I we have friends that work in the post office,

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Speaker 1: and they'd be like, Yo, these people in here were

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Speaker 1: willing to do anything to be just a manager at

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Speaker 1: the post office. It's like, it's the post office. You're

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Speaker 1: ready to try to get somebody fired. Where is your

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Speaker 1: integrity to be the manager at the post office? So

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Speaker 1: I think integrity doesn't only come with being a celebrity.

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Speaker 1: I think integrity comes with you understanding your place in

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Speaker 1: the world, being dissatisfied with your place in the world,

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Speaker 1: and willing to step on other people to get higher.

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Speaker 1: And I think that's where people lose their integrity. If

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Speaker 1: you understand where you're on the world, and you find

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Speaker 1: peace in different aspects of your life other than just

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Speaker 1: your career, it's easy to keep your integrity because you're

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Speaker 1: living for more reasons than just to paycheck. That was

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Speaker 1: a whole word in it. It was a word doo

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Speaker 1: doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo

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Speaker 1: doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. Do

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Speaker 1: you better started it started? Hey? Hey, hey, So it's

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Speaker 1: a fact to consider, y'all. You figure fame or integrity?

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Speaker 1: Which one is more important? Like I said, integrity all

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Speaker 1: the way, I, for one, can totally disappear into my

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Speaker 1: own corner. Devout tells me now that I am an

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Speaker 1: introvert in hermit crab. It feels like COVID did it

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Speaker 1: to me because prior to this I was social butterfly

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Speaker 1: as well, and now I'm not as not as a

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Speaker 1: social as I thought I was before. I guess, but hey, um,

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Speaker 1: so which is more important to you? Money or happiness?

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Speaker 1: Which is of more value? Success or failure which is

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Speaker 1: more destructive? If you look at others for fulfillment, you

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Speaker 1: will never truly be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money,

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Speaker 1: you'll never be happy with yourself. Be content with what

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Speaker 1: you have, rejoiced in the way things are you when

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Speaker 1: you realize that there's nothing lacking, the whole world belongs

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Speaker 1: to you and that's by loud to I have to

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Speaker 1: agree with him because when I was in the NFL,

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Speaker 1: I made a lot of money and I wasn't happy.

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Speaker 1: I was waiting from my family you and not struggling

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Speaker 1: a lot um. Once I lost the money and we

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Speaker 1: moved back to Brooklyn and we started building, I started

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Speaker 1: to find happiness in creating a life from my family.

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Speaker 1: You really found happiness. And that because I beg to

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Speaker 1: different babies. Listen, started from scratch, was difficult. We can

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Speaker 1: we can differ. I'm not going to try to change

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Speaker 1: your mind. If that's the way you felt, that's the

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Speaker 1: way you felt. But I will say this. I was

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Speaker 1: two years old and the league minimum at the time

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Speaker 1: was two dollars. Different points in life, then, okay, I'm

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Speaker 1: talking about that. But I made that money. My player

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Speaker 1: performance bonus the following February was seventy dollars. A kid

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Speaker 1: from Brooklyn who's never really worked consistently because I was

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Speaker 1: going to school, I was I was on scholarship. I

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Speaker 1: never had money. Now had six figures in the bank account,

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Speaker 1: and I was dealing with UH withdrawals from pain meds.

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Speaker 1: I was dealing with anxiety, anxiety because I was waiting

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Speaker 1: from my family, I missed my girl, a friend. Um.

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Speaker 1: You would think that the money would have cured all

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Speaker 1: of those other things, but it didn't. You know, Like,

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Speaker 1: not being in a sense of peace and not knowing

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Speaker 1: who I was or not understanding why I wasn't happy

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Speaker 1: and fulfilled made me anxious. And there was no amount

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Speaker 1: of money that could could solve that. I didn't buy clothes.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't able to. It wasn't like retail therapy help me.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't buy my way into happiness. Well, I guess

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Speaker 1: why I said. Didn't necessarily agree with this statement, per se.

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Speaker 1: It says be content with what you have, rejoiced in

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Speaker 1: the way things are. Sometimes people are not happy with

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Speaker 1: the way they are in that moment, and they're not

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Speaker 1: going to be content with the way things are because

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Speaker 1: they want better for themselves. So it's like, how do

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Speaker 1: you then decide how I'm going to maneuver and make

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Speaker 1: the best out of the situation to get the things

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Speaker 1: that I want. So this, this is how I navigate

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Speaker 1: that being content in the way things are doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: that you have to be content that those things will

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Speaker 1: never change in the future. You still have to work

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Speaker 1: towards what you want. But being content in the moment

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Speaker 1: that you have health, you have clarity, and you have

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Speaker 1: opportunity to get the things you want allows you to

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Speaker 1: be content in the moment. Right you know, I want

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Speaker 1: to be the biggest movie star on the planet. I'm

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Speaker 1: not that right now. But does that mean that since

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Speaker 1: I'm not that right now, I can't be content with

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Speaker 1: where my life is right now. No, I can be

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Speaker 1: content with all that I have and still work my

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Speaker 1: ass off to be that as as hard as I can.

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Speaker 1: And and I found that when I wasn't on anybody's

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Speaker 1: TV screen, when I was behind O Mari Hart with

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Speaker 1: being his stunt double, and no one ever saw in

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Speaker 1: my face before social media started to pop, Right when

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Speaker 1: I was working as a gym as a trainer, training

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Speaker 1: some people's kids who didn't want to be trained, you know,

387
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Speaker 1: whose parents wanted it more than them. I found contentment

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Speaker 1: in the fact that I was able to provide a

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Speaker 1: lifestyle for my wife and my son at the time,

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Speaker 1: and they could. You guys, could do the things you

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Speaker 1: wanted to do and be at peace. I found in

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Speaker 1: that while knowing I'm still building for what I really

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Speaker 1: want to be for myself and the value. You are

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Speaker 1: a good egg. Okay, you're a very good egg. And

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Speaker 1: I mean, I couldn't think of another word in the moment,

396
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:13,480
Speaker 1: but it's just what I'm What I'm trying to get

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Speaker 1: at is that hearing this from you completely makes sense

398
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Speaker 1: because that is in line with your personality, your drive,

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Speaker 1: your ambition, your work ethic. But there's some people, even

400
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:24,920
Speaker 1: some of the listener letters that we write in, and

401
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,760
Speaker 1: people will say, like, I just am in a rut

402
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:31,080
Speaker 1: in life, like how can I get myself out of this?

403
00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:33,960
Speaker 1: I'm not happy with where I am in my life.

404
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,040
Speaker 1: I'm not happy with what I've achieved. I feel like

405
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:38,399
Speaker 1: I'm in this rat race. I can just see how

406
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:40,399
Speaker 1: it's easy for people to be in that rut, and

407
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:42,520
Speaker 1: it'd be hard to say, you know what, I just

408
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:45,720
Speaker 1: don't even know how to begin to be content with

409
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Speaker 1: where I am, you know, and that's a difficult place

410
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:50,840
Speaker 1: to be in. I just want to acknowledge and love

411
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:52,600
Speaker 1: on those people because I know that I've been there

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00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,200
Speaker 1: where it seems like you have everything to sustain you.

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00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,840
Speaker 1: And yes, you have health and strength and support and

414
00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:00,879
Speaker 1: love and you know, but you're still just find that purpose.

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00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:04,080
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe the purpose is not something that people are

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00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:06,480
Speaker 1: in line with finding in that moment. But you you say,

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00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:08,040
Speaker 1: I'm a good egg. But a lot of times, how

418
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:09,960
Speaker 1: many times if you had to talk me off the edge?

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00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,240
Speaker 1: Think think about how many times where I've been downstairs

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Speaker 1: in the gym just working my ass off, and then

421
00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:17,680
Speaker 1: I sit down and I'm stopping, and you just like,

422
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:19,200
Speaker 1: what's the matter. Why are you looking about to cry?

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00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:21,199
Speaker 1: And I'll just be like, yo, I want to do

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Speaker 1: these things and no one is allowing me to do

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00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,119
Speaker 1: these things. I want to create, I want to do this,

426
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:28,880
Speaker 1: and you'd be like devout. Think about where you were

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00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:32,000
Speaker 1: five years ago and how much you've done in that time.

428
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:37,439
Speaker 1: You know, Also, having integrity and learning to be content

429
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:40,440
Speaker 1: with where you are doesn't mean that that always comes

430
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:43,480
Speaker 1: from within. Sometimes you need people around you to remind

431
00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:48,959
Speaker 1: you to you know, stop stop looking yes, stop like

432
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:52,359
Speaker 1: when you're in this moment, one of the biggest things

433
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:56,480
Speaker 1: that can deter you from from being content is always

434
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:59,400
Speaker 1: looking ahead right and saying well, I want to be there,

435
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:02,200
Speaker 1: Because you're looking at where you are and you're comparing

436
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:05,360
Speaker 1: where you are to where you want to be, as

437
00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:08,239
Speaker 1: opposed to looking behind sometimes and saying look where I was,

438
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:12,760
Speaker 1: look where I was, look where I am, and look

439
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:14,920
Speaker 1: where I want to be. I'm happy with how far

440
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,760
Speaker 1: I've come in that amount of time. I'm also happy

441
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,919
Speaker 1: with what I have. If you're always looking ahead. You

442
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,879
Speaker 1: pointed it out to me in the NFL. I was

443
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:28,639
Speaker 1: not happy one day in the NFL because I was

444
00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:31,119
Speaker 1: always looking at what I wanted to do, and I

445
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:34,679
Speaker 1: took it for granted, and the opportunity was short lived

446
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:38,159
Speaker 1: because I wasn't smart enough to be content in the moment.

447
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:41,360
Speaker 1: I didn't appreciate the moment, so the moment was fleeting.

448
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,280
Speaker 1: I wasn't as successful as I could have been in

449
00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:46,800
Speaker 1: the NFL because I was always thinking about the next thing.

450
00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:48,919
Speaker 1: You still have to appreciate the moment, right, you have

451
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,720
Speaker 1: to honor the gift. The gift in the moment is

452
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:54,440
Speaker 1: the NFL. So rather than saying, I want in the NFL,

453
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:55,960
Speaker 1: but I want to be a starter, I want to

454
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,080
Speaker 1: be a startup. I want to be a Hall of Fame,

455
00:23:57,119 --> 00:23:59,040
Speaker 1: I want to win a Super Bowl. Doing all of

456
00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:01,000
Speaker 1: those things and not being able to do that in

457
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:04,199
Speaker 1: that moment made me upset, and all I did was

458
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:06,400
Speaker 1: complain and bitch and moan and got my ass cut.

459
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,000
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying. And now I have no

460
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:13,600
Speaker 1: opportunity to ever be those things. But in the moment,

461
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,840
Speaker 1: I had an opportunity, and I was not where I

462
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:18,960
Speaker 1: wanted to be, but I had an opportunity. If people

463
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:20,760
Speaker 1: start to realize that every day you wake up, you

464
00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:22,960
Speaker 1: have an opportunity to be where you want to be,

465
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:25,840
Speaker 1: that's where you can find contentment. That's where you can

466
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:29,560
Speaker 1: find a content Because I know, me coming from where

467
00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:31,840
Speaker 1: I've come from, I tend to sometimes see the glass

468
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:34,440
Speaker 1: I have have empty, where my husband here always sees it

469
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:37,280
Speaker 1: half full, and you know, it's hard to sometimes wrap

470
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:38,640
Speaker 1: your mind around it when you have you're in those

471
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,480
Speaker 1: moments of you feel like what's hopelessness um and how

472
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:47,439
Speaker 1: you're able to maneuver opportunities and remaneuver your life in

473
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:49,520
Speaker 1: that moment to then make it to the next level

474
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:52,240
Speaker 1: of whatever it is you're trying to attain. So I

475
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:54,679
Speaker 1: figured that was an interesting look on it, because not

476
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:56,960
Speaker 1: everyone can probably feel like that. You know, it's it's

477
00:24:57,000 --> 00:25:02,640
Speaker 1: it's difficult, and integrity is a hard thing to maintain

478
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:07,560
Speaker 1: in a world that's based on capital, right because It's

479
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:10,600
Speaker 1: like you hear all these sayings it's a dog eat dog,

480
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:12,879
Speaker 1: you know, It's like, okay, so what does what does

481
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,879
Speaker 1: that mean? Like I'm only going to be successful if

482
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 1: I'm a dog and I eat another dog, which there's

483
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:22,359
Speaker 1: no integrity and a dog eating another dog, right, But

484
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 1: we often celebrate people who get success by any means. Right,

485
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:31,520
Speaker 1: So then it's like, well, doesn't integrity really matter? Doesn't matter,

486
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,160
Speaker 1: especially when it's the fame if that's what you're shooting

487
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:37,000
Speaker 1: to achieve, and that what does integrity look like for

488
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,520
Speaker 1: some people? Because what maybe a form of integrity to

489
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:41,919
Speaker 1: you may not need a form of integrity to me.

490
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,520
Speaker 1: And then I think that boils down to just morals.

491
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:46,880
Speaker 1: And you know what, you're okay with doing things you're

492
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 1: willing to sacrifice or not in order to make it

493
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:52,920
Speaker 1: to that next level of whatever you know, your career

494
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:55,680
Speaker 1: field maybe, or whatever your aspiration is. So that's something

495
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:57,840
Speaker 1: to also keep in mind too. It's like your level

496
00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:00,680
Speaker 1: of integrity and what you might can ssider to be

497
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:03,440
Speaker 1: um that is not necessarily the same for the next

498
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:07,200
Speaker 1: person I want to did you read this second part,

499
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:09,680
Speaker 1: which one becoming a celebrity? Yes, we read that real quick.

500
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:13,439
Speaker 1: Becoming a celebrity alters the person's being in the world.

501
00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:19,040
Speaker 1: Once fame hits, with its growing sense of isolation, mistrust,

502
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:23,160
Speaker 1: and lack of personal privacy, the person develops a kind

503
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:27,200
Speaker 1: of character splitting between the celebrity self and the authentic

504
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:32,440
Speaker 1: self as a survival technique in the hyperkinetics and heat

505
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:36,520
Speaker 1: the atmosphere associated with celebrity life. I agree with that

506
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:42,800
Speaker 1: once you become a celebrity, people expect you to behave

507
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 1: in the manner and which made you a celebrity, even

508
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:50,720
Speaker 1: if that that manner is a character. Yes, absolutely so,

509
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:55,639
Speaker 1: because I expect er Erkele to fall down and like,

510
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:57,800
Speaker 1: did I do that? Like when I see him Julia

511
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:01,159
Speaker 1: White today, like he's a to me and and a

512
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:03,280
Speaker 1: lot of times people get to a point where they're like,

513
00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:07,679
Speaker 1: I'm tired of performing, right, But even even just the

514
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:11,400
Speaker 1: character that he plays. When you're a celebrity, people expect

515
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,160
Speaker 1: you to act like a celebrity, And when you don't

516
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:17,120
Speaker 1: act like a celebrity, people say things like, oh, you're

517
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:20,800
Speaker 1: just a regular person. Are we all just regularly? What

518
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:22,760
Speaker 1: exactly does act like a celebrity look like? I guess

519
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,600
Speaker 1: they want you to say the you know, the PC things,

520
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:29,840
Speaker 1: and you know, always be on and just you know,

521
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:33,439
Speaker 1: willing to take pictures with whoever you encounter, sinne autographs

522
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:35,920
Speaker 1: and if you have a day where you're just being

523
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:40,280
Speaker 1: quote unquote human, you may potentially be scrutinized for that. Well,

524
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:43,240
Speaker 1: here's another thing. Everybody's idea of what a celebrity supposed

525
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 1: to act is different. So how do you how are

526
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:50,560
Speaker 1: you always going to fall into everybody's perfect idea of

527
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 1: how it's celebrity supposed You can't? Says, you try to

528
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:57,800
Speaker 1: be at random times. It's impossible, and that's how people

529
00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:00,240
Speaker 1: lose themselves because like, if this person WANs me to

530
00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:01,600
Speaker 1: be this way, let may be that, and that person

531
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:03,760
Speaker 1: wants me to be a celebrity this way, and and

532
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:06,359
Speaker 1: and after a while, and this is where integrity comes in.

533
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:10,280
Speaker 1: If you don't feel comfortable in living in your true

534
00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:13,720
Speaker 1: self and you're constantly performing for everyone else, at some

535
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:16,880
Speaker 1: point you're gonna fall just like this, says. Studies show

536
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:19,840
Speaker 1: that the pressure of celebrity can lead to self destructive

537
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:23,880
Speaker 1: patterns like substance abuse to help mitigate the stress. How

538
00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:26,280
Speaker 1: many actors or performers do we know have taken their

539
00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:28,320
Speaker 1: own lives because it was just too much to handle

540
00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:32,359
Speaker 1: whatever they were dealing with. It becomes a lot in

541
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:35,040
Speaker 1: the fear of someone taking my idea. I'm going to

542
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:39,400
Speaker 1: still tell this story. I was watching everything that happened

543
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:43,480
Speaker 1: in the media over the last couple of months between entertainers,

544
00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:49,480
Speaker 1: whether it was an actor, a singer, athlete. I've noticed

545
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:55,840
Speaker 1: that once celebrities start to move in a manner that

546
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:59,520
Speaker 1: is more advantageous for them and their mental health, everyone

547
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:04,040
Speaker 1: else STI there crazy, M right. What you mean you

548
00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:05,560
Speaker 1: don't want to do interviews no more? I just I

549
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:08,160
Speaker 1: don't want to do an interview today. Something's wrong. He's

550
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:11,720
Speaker 1: isolating himself. He's crazy. What you mean you don't want

551
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:13,520
Speaker 1: to play no more? He retiring. He's at the peak

552
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:16,000
Speaker 1: of his game. Why is he retiring? He must be crazy,

553
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:17,880
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. Wait? Wait, wait, when he

554
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:20,520
Speaker 1: went and did something that no one else thinks he

555
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 1: should do. Other people can do it, but not him. Oh,

556
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 1: he's crazy. It's like the minute you become a celebrity,

557
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:31,520
Speaker 1: they expect you to behave in a way that the

558
00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:36,120
Speaker 1: minute you start to focus on what's right for you,

559
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 1: you've now lost everybody. And that's the part of celebrity

560
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:43,120
Speaker 1: that I don't think people who are not celebrities understand.

561
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:46,560
Speaker 1: They just know how to cancel people. Yes, for example,

562
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:52,200
Speaker 1: I told you about the conversation I had with the

563
00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:55,880
Speaker 1: dude on Instagram. My hair is thinning. It's been thinking

564
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:59,000
Speaker 1: for years. Right, doesn't make no difference to me. It's

565
00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:01,320
Speaker 1: just standing here. It happen when you get older. Right.

566
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:05,400
Speaker 1: So dude says to me, Yo, the hair is thinning.

567
00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:07,960
Speaker 1: You need to let that go on my page? Right.

568
00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:10,480
Speaker 1: So I sent him a message back and I said,

569
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:13,440
Speaker 1: you know, it's funny that you think because you're here

570
00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:16,280
Speaker 1: right now, he's full full head of hair waves. Because

571
00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:19,760
Speaker 1: you're here is better than mines. You should you have

572
00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:22,400
Speaker 1: the right to tell me I should let my hair go. Right.

573
00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:25,520
Speaker 1: My house is better than yours. Should I tell you

574
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 1: to let that go? My car is better than yours?

575
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:30,840
Speaker 1: Should I tell you to let that go? My life

576
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:33,600
Speaker 1: is better than yours? Should I tell you to let

577
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:36,080
Speaker 1: that go? And he said, he said, you know, I

578
00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:40,360
Speaker 1: never thought about it that way. And I said, now,

579
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:44,040
Speaker 1: just imagine you made that comment. But look at all

580
00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:46,560
Speaker 1: the people who made comments around your comments. Those are

581
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 1: hundreds and thousands of people who since you pointed out

582
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:53,240
Speaker 1: something about me, I felt it was okay to now

583
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:55,560
Speaker 1: attack that part of my life. But if I were

584
00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:58,640
Speaker 1: to say something to you in the same manner, how

585
00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:00,360
Speaker 1: would it make you feel? And he was like, yeo,

586
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:02,640
Speaker 1: I never thought about it that way. And and and

587
00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 1: we had this conversation, you know, we had this conversation

588
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:09,360
Speaker 1: on DM and I said to him, you know, I

589
00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:11,920
Speaker 1: don't care about my hair thinning. I make jokes about

590
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:13,840
Speaker 1: it myself. My kids make jokes about it, like like

591
00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:16,280
Speaker 1: that's part of life, right. But what if you run

592
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:20,880
Speaker 1: across the celebrity who's having a bad day, who's mom

593
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,480
Speaker 1: just found out something bad, and they're just in the

594
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:26,360
Speaker 1: like the like even even me, What if I found

595
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:28,680
Speaker 1: out something terrible that happened in my life, and if

596
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:30,959
Speaker 1: you make that same comment and in that moment I

597
00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:35,960
Speaker 1: respond emotionally that person face to face. No, they definitely

598
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:37,680
Speaker 1: wouldn't say that face to face, because no one ever

599
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:40,200
Speaker 1: says that things to me face to face that they

600
00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:42,760
Speaker 1: say in the comments. Which I also understand that you

601
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:47,600
Speaker 1: have keyboard warriors, right, but being a celebrity often often

602
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:50,600
Speaker 1: people feel like you're supposed to have integrity, But they

603
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:53,240
Speaker 1: don't realize that those around you don't have integrity with

604
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:56,760
Speaker 1: dealing with you. So why am I the only one

605
00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:59,320
Speaker 1: that's supposed to have integrity? And I don't think people

606
00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 1: who are not celebrit understand that what that can take,

607
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:05,240
Speaker 1: like the mental toll it takes, you know, because we

608
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:08,360
Speaker 1: have friends who play in the NBA and they are very,

609
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:11,600
Speaker 1: very popular, Like you know, even the NBA has their

610
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:15,440
Speaker 1: realm of top five players. But the friends that we have,

611
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:20,400
Speaker 1: our World Champions, defensive Player of the Year's Finals envy,

612
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:22,680
Speaker 1: like we have friends who are at that level. And

613
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:24,560
Speaker 1: the stuff that people say to their family in the

614
00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:29,000
Speaker 1: stands and say to them and and calling them outside

615
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:31,400
Speaker 1: their name, calling their wife outside their name, making funt

616
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:33,920
Speaker 1: of their kids. Right, No one ever says where is

617
00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:38,080
Speaker 1: your integrity as a fan? Right? Where is your integrity

618
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:41,520
Speaker 1: as a consumer of content? But when it comes to

619
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:44,920
Speaker 1: the celebrity is where is your integritiescut? You see what

620
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 1: I'm saying. And I think people need to understand there's

621
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:50,480
Speaker 1: a lot of pressures that come with the celebrity. So

622
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,600
Speaker 1: if you're a celebrity and people constantly bashing you, constantly

623
00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:57,080
Speaker 1: bashing your family, saying all this other stuff. Then they

624
00:32:57,120 --> 00:32:59,320
Speaker 1: have an opportunity to do something for them and their family,

625
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:01,880
Speaker 1: and you want them to have integrity and protect you

626
00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:04,480
Speaker 1: as the community. It's like, wait a minute, why would

627
00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:07,240
Speaker 1: I do something to protect the same community that bashes

628
00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:11,240
Speaker 1: me and my family constantly. So yeah, I might take

629
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:14,400
Speaker 1: this bag, And I'm not validating people for doing stuff

630
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:16,920
Speaker 1: without integrity. But what I'm saying is is there are

631
00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:22,120
Speaker 1: certain people in the world who don't care about the community,

632
00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:25,800
Speaker 1: who don't care about what you feel or say about them.

633
00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:28,880
Speaker 1: They're only going to focus on their family. And imagine

634
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:32,280
Speaker 1: being from a low income community and you're the only

635
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:34,960
Speaker 1: source of light to help your community. If that bag comes,

636
00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:36,920
Speaker 1: those people don't care about your ideas of what they

637
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:39,520
Speaker 1: should do to keep their integrity. They're gonna get the

638
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:42,280
Speaker 1: bag to help feed their family. Because as fast as

639
00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 1: you raise that celebrity up, you will tear them down

640
00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:46,880
Speaker 1: just as fast as the heartbeat. And they can't always

641
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:49,120
Speaker 1: be focused on what you think when they're trying to

642
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:51,640
Speaker 1: protect their family or feed their family, So that comes

643
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:54,200
Speaker 1: first and foremost. I have not not a doubt in

644
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:56,880
Speaker 1: my mind that as your as your start continues to rise,

645
00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:59,240
Speaker 1: that if somebody came out there face sideways about me

646
00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:01,320
Speaker 1: or the kids, it's money and you were caught in

647
00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:04,960
Speaker 1: a moment. It's gonna be a moment. I'm gonna say this.

648
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:10,360
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say this wholeheartedly. Wholeheartedly. There's a reason why

649
00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:15,760
Speaker 1: we have multiple streams of income outside of social media

650
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:19,840
Speaker 1: and Hollywood, because I'm never going to make a decision

651
00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:24,600
Speaker 1: about my family based on me needing to make money

652
00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:27,200
Speaker 1: from something. I learned that when the NFL, right the

653
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:29,200
Speaker 1: minute they decided that I wasn't going to be in

654
00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:31,399
Speaker 1: the NFL no more, all my revenue streams were cut.

655
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:34,399
Speaker 1: So I had to dance to kind of make sure

656
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 1: that I can make money. The reason why I have

657
00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:38,479
Speaker 1: my own revenue streams doing a bunch of other things

658
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:43,799
Speaker 1: because if someone ever disrespects my family, I don't want

659
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:45,840
Speaker 1: to have to worry about my brand in that moment.

660
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:49,959
Speaker 1: I don't because my brand is not gonna save Because

661
00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:52,359
Speaker 1: we'll be talking about integrity. Your brand is not gonna

662
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:53,920
Speaker 1: save you when you walk in those doors and your

663
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:55,719
Speaker 1: kids and your wife gotta look at you like, bro,

664
00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:58,120
Speaker 1: you let that happen. You know what I'm saying, It's

665
00:34:58,160 --> 00:35:01,359
Speaker 1: the same way with me. Picking are roles because I've

666
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:03,480
Speaker 1: got offered roles to do different things, and I'm just like,

667
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:06,000
Speaker 1: because of what matters to me, which is my kids

668
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:08,600
Speaker 1: and my family, I can't do that role. I can't

669
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:14,400
Speaker 1: play the drug dealing gun toten womanizing black guy on

670
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:19,520
Speaker 1: TV no more because my family will look at my daddy.

671
00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:21,520
Speaker 1: You've gotten passed the point in your life where you

672
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:24,120
Speaker 1: have to accept that. There was a point where I

673
00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:28,000
Speaker 1: had to accept that. But because of what integrity means

674
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:31,040
Speaker 1: to me, which is my family first. Now I can

675
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:34,040
Speaker 1: make decisions because of my revenue streams to say, you

676
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:36,239
Speaker 1: know what, I'll pass on that, Well, you'll never work

677
00:35:36,239 --> 00:35:39,480
Speaker 1: here again. All right? Then, well I won't, but I

678
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:42,160
Speaker 1: can go home and my wife can be like, I

679
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:44,799
Speaker 1: love you, and chances are after that I love you,

680
00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:50,480
Speaker 1: something else will rolling is don't even worry about those

681
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:52,880
Speaker 1: because the ones that's not meant for you won't be

682
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:55,319
Speaker 1: for you, but the ones that are absolutely still going

683
00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:59,600
Speaker 1: to be there, absolutely All right. I guess we can

684
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:01,480
Speaker 1: move into some listener letters now. They just had a

685
00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:03,840
Speaker 1: couple of things for anybody who's looking to get into

686
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:06,719
Speaker 1: fame or to be famous. Some tips for managing fame

687
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:10,520
Speaker 1: really quickly. Um, you cannot meet everyone's unrealistic expectations, So

688
00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:13,480
Speaker 1: just don't try. Take the opinions of others about you

689
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:16,680
Speaker 1: lightly and don't take it personally. Remember one of the

690
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:20,000
Speaker 1: four agreements have how they feel about you has nothing

691
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:23,120
Speaker 1: to do with you. UM, stay grounded and down to

692
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:26,919
Speaker 1: earth as much as possible, and if needed, get help. UM.

693
00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:28,919
Speaker 1: This this one is says, stay grounded and down to earth.

694
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:31,279
Speaker 1: The success is not a reason to feel superior to

695
00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:34,399
Speaker 1: other people. Games can often confuse people and make them

696
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:36,160
Speaker 1: think that they are one of a kind and everyone

697
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:39,279
Speaker 1: else is inferior. Do not fall for this track. It

698
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:42,720
Speaker 1: will It will cloud your thinking and perception of true

699
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:47,799
Speaker 1: self love. I can lose you opportunities just as fast too, absolutely,

700
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:49,920
Speaker 1: But I can speak to this as an athlete. I've

701
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:53,239
Speaker 1: seen so many athletes who felt why just look over

702
00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:57,160
Speaker 1: at you? Just look mad, pretty, just don't know? And

703
00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:58,920
Speaker 1: I was if we was outside of how I let you.

704
00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:03,000
Speaker 1: But all right, Mama, still get it when when you

705
00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:06,680
Speaker 1: got it, Oh, you definitely got it. When athletes get

706
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:10,319
Speaker 1: to the pinnacle, right, whether it's high school and you're

707
00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:14,080
Speaker 1: an All American, and they lose that right, So now

708
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:17,040
Speaker 1: you go to college and things kind of fizzle out.

709
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:20,080
Speaker 1: I've watched a lot of athletes lose themselves because they

710
00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:24,000
Speaker 1: thought what they did made them superior to other people.

711
00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:26,239
Speaker 1: But now you no longer have that. So if you know,

712
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:30,319
Speaker 1: because this this, every job is fleeting, you're only going

713
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:32,400
Speaker 1: to be an athlete for so long, you know what

714
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:34,360
Speaker 1: I'm saying. You're only going to be the best actor

715
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:36,479
Speaker 1: for so long. You're always going to be the best

716
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:38,440
Speaker 1: singer for some You're only going to be the CEO

717
00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 1: for so long before someone comes along because everyone dies

718
00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:45,800
Speaker 1: and they're always looking for the next best thing for

719
00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:49,480
Speaker 1: the cheaper, younger talent. Absolutely, So, if you take your

720
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:54,400
Speaker 1: occupation as your reason why you're better than other people,

721
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:57,680
Speaker 1: when that fleets and goes away, what do you have

722
00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:02,239
Speaker 1: to stand on as a person in individual that right

723
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:04,879
Speaker 1: there is the most important one staying grounded and down

724
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:09,200
Speaker 1: to earth. Because I've seen athletes and entertainers at every level,

725
00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:11,920
Speaker 1: whether it was the NFL guy who was retired, the

726
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:14,719
Speaker 1: college guy who didn't make it to the NFL, or

727
00:38:14,719 --> 00:38:17,880
Speaker 1: the high school guy who never played in college, you

728
00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:19,840
Speaker 1: you thought you were better than everybody because of that,

729
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:22,520
Speaker 1: And when you no longer had that it was going.

730
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:26,480
Speaker 1: I watched it firsthand, and those people often end up realizing,

731
00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:30,200
Speaker 1: like day, my my occupation can't define me. And the

732
00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:32,520
Speaker 1: same thing happens to actors. You were a child actor

733
00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:35,080
Speaker 1: and you were on the hit show, and now no

734
00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:37,880
Speaker 1: one knows you anymore. You know, you were the singer

735
00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:39,640
Speaker 1: that was on the Disney Channel who was supposed to

736
00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:43,000
Speaker 1: be the next Britney Spears, and you turned sixteen and

737
00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:45,840
Speaker 1: no one thinks you're cute anymore, and now you're not singing.

738
00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:51,600
Speaker 1: And what happens, you know, it happens at every single level,

739
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:55,000
Speaker 1: every single month, every single level, y'all. All right, let's

740
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:57,600
Speaker 1: take a quick break and we'll move into listening letters

741
00:38:57,640 --> 00:39:09,520
Speaker 1: after we get into some ads, So stick around. All right,

742
00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:11,480
Speaker 1: now we're back favorite part of the show. We get

743
00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:15,680
Speaker 1: to hear from y'all. Let's see who got integrity in

744
00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:18,319
Speaker 1: these listening street signed let me see what y'all've been

745
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:21,280
Speaker 1: up to. Who've been out here throwing ass around and whatnot?

746
00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:26,759
Speaker 1: All right, Hija Valkadeen, please keep me anonymous. I as

747
00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:32,240
Speaker 1: long as you don't say no names, no phase, no caise,

748
00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:34,520
Speaker 1: I love you both and calling you guys my cousins

749
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:37,520
Speaker 1: all the time. What's up? Cause the podcast is amazing

750
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:40,439
Speaker 1: and I'm also as a team of stand Okay show

751
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:43,560
Speaker 1: coming soon. So here's my dilemma. Me and my man

752
00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:45,400
Speaker 1: have been together for over a year and a half.

753
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:47,840
Speaker 1: He has a few women that he considers best friends.

754
00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:50,680
Speaker 1: I met one of them and she was cool. There's

755
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:53,520
Speaker 1: this other one that I just don't understand. Child is

756
00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:57,040
Speaker 1: always one. Uh. She seems to be doing some over

757
00:39:57,080 --> 00:39:59,799
Speaker 1: the top stuff, calling, super late, texting early in the

758
00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:03,440
Speaker 1: more running. The most recent and annoying example, me and

759
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:06,160
Speaker 1: him went out to dinner for my birthday and would

760
00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:08,440
Speaker 1: y'all believe she called in the middle of our dinner

761
00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:12,359
Speaker 1: asking if she I think, asking if she would need

762
00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:15,560
Speaker 1: pliers for whatever she was trying to fix. I'm sure

763
00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:17,560
Speaker 1: she knew that it was my birthday because he was

764
00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:20,600
Speaker 1: telling just about everybody the week of all of his

765
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:23,880
Speaker 1: friends are before we got together. And I'm not an

766
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:28,279
Speaker 1: ultimatum user. However, I want to know if they've ever

767
00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:31,280
Speaker 1: had sex or had I'm sorry, if you've ever had sex,

768
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:33,680
Speaker 1: and what the deal is, because at this point is

769
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:37,560
Speaker 1: getting annoying, like she's wanting, like she's waiting in the

770
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:40,120
Speaker 1: wings for him or something. Should I be concerned with

771
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:42,560
Speaker 1: asking about this or should I brush it off? Signed

772
00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:45,799
Speaker 1: over it? So she doesn't know if they've had sex. Ah,

773
00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:49,200
Speaker 1: So have we asked? Have you asked? Girl? Because I

774
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:51,879
Speaker 1: want to know where the answer is. Do you think

775
00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:53,680
Speaker 1: that will be a determining factor as to why she

776
00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:56,839
Speaker 1: feels she can do this or not? I don't know,

777
00:40:57,239 --> 00:40:59,600
Speaker 1: to be honest, I just I just think that there's

778
00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:02,120
Speaker 1: a certain boundaries whether you have sex or not. Your

779
00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:05,640
Speaker 1: homeboys out to dinner with his wife, well his wife

780
00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:08,520
Speaker 1: or girlfriend? His girlfriend is well, yeah, they've been together

781
00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:11,200
Speaker 1: for over a year and a half ago. Yeah, so okay,

782
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:13,239
Speaker 1: so here's nothing. I mean. The consolation to me is

783
00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:16,800
Speaker 1: that she to an extent that the Frankie feels comfortable

784
00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:19,319
Speaker 1: to call and he feels comfortable answering in front of her,

785
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:21,240
Speaker 1: because I feel like if there was something to hide,

786
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:23,520
Speaker 1: and there's a chance that that would not be occurring,

787
00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:26,120
Speaker 1: maybe this female friend does not know how to have

788
00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:28,120
Speaker 1: boundaries now that her friend, who she's been a friend

789
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:30,600
Speaker 1: with for years now has a steady girlfriend of a

790
00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:31,719
Speaker 1: year and a half. A year and a half is

791
00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:35,960
Speaker 1: still new. So unless your boyfriend sets forth the boundary like, hey,

792
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:38,239
Speaker 1: you know, you can't just be interjecting, or if he

793
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:40,000
Speaker 1: just not answered the phone, he has to also have

794
00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:42,279
Speaker 1: the wherewithal to know you're calling me in the mid

795
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:45,040
Speaker 1: middle of my girl's birthday dinner. That call is gonna

796
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:47,000
Speaker 1: have to wait. There you go. You don't gotta answer it,

797
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:48,920
Speaker 1: You're gonna answer it. So they may both be a

798
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:50,880
Speaker 1: little bit at full here too, well, I mean not

799
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:53,319
Speaker 1: a little bit. Like this also goes to when a

800
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:55,920
Speaker 1: woman does something and as a man involved, it seemed

801
00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:58,279
Speaker 1: like they always go to blame the woman. Right, you

802
00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:00,200
Speaker 1: just made a good point. He didn't have to answer

803
00:42:00,239 --> 00:42:03,520
Speaker 1: the phone, right, so you you could blame her for calling,

804
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:05,200
Speaker 1: But you could also say to him like, dude, it's

805
00:42:05,239 --> 00:42:08,080
Speaker 1: my birthday dinner, why are you even answering the like

806
00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:10,040
Speaker 1: you know who it is? Because we all have these

807
00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:13,520
Speaker 1: names that pop up on our phone click or text message.

808
00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 1: I can't answer, but a right, they like, he has

809
00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:20,759
Speaker 1: to create boundaries. But what you also said is true.

810
00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:23,720
Speaker 1: A year and a half is not that long, and

811
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:27,160
Speaker 1: if they've been friends for years, he's probably had relationships

812
00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:30,479
Speaker 1: that came and went, and it's like this is gonna

813
00:42:30,480 --> 00:42:33,480
Speaker 1: be my friend regardless. Until he sets the boundary, He's

814
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:35,520
Speaker 1: always going to be my friend. And that's just the

815
00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:38,560
Speaker 1: way it exactly. And if she can't respect that, if

816
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:40,879
Speaker 1: he were to put his foot down, then she might

817
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:43,919
Speaker 1: be lightning in away. Exist you never now, Anna, because

818
00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:46,000
Speaker 1: I was thinking completely different until you said that. But

819
00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:49,280
Speaker 1: that's true. Until he puts the foot down and creates

820
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:53,080
Speaker 1: the boundary, what what is she supposed to do? They've

821
00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:59,080
Speaker 1: been existing this way for years, so it's up to him. Definitely,

822
00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 1: I think you need to have conversation with him. Sex

823
00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:05,240
Speaker 1: or not. That really is not, um necessarily the reason.

824
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:08,560
Speaker 1: Um It's just about because even if they didn't have sex,

825
00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:10,600
Speaker 1: she can't just be calling in the middle of your

826
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:12,680
Speaker 1: dinner and he answering the phone. Like, that's just not

827
00:43:13,160 --> 00:43:15,880
Speaker 1: absolutely And I mean, like perfect example, you said you

828
00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:18,600
Speaker 1: as a team of stand Crystal and I are close friends.

829
00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:21,880
Speaker 1: Crystal will not call. We had to meet, We had

830
00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:25,600
Speaker 1: to argument. Kay was upset at her last week because

831
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:28,759
Speaker 1: she alarm went off in her other house. It was

832
00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:32,680
Speaker 1: two in the morning and she lives by herself, and

833
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:35,640
Speaker 1: k was like, why didn't you call us? And she

834
00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:37,080
Speaker 1: was just like, well, I know you guys to sleep

835
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:39,239
Speaker 1: and it's inappropriate. And we were just like, yo, like

836
00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:42,560
Speaker 1: you're by yourself, Like that's an emergency, that's that's a

837
00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:44,640
Speaker 1: circumstance where if you can talk in the morning, if

838
00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:45,960
Speaker 1: you didn't call him or I one of us. But

839
00:43:46,080 --> 00:43:49,640
Speaker 1: he answered. But she has the respect to say, I'm

840
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:52,160
Speaker 1: not going to call at two in the morning because

841
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:55,000
Speaker 1: you're married. You know. It's like she said, a boundary.

842
00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:58,160
Speaker 1: I've said a boundary. But also as a wife or

843
00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:01,799
Speaker 1: a girlfriend, it's also like, hey, you know, you know

844
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:04,080
Speaker 1: when things are appropriate and when they're not appropriate. There

845
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:06,239
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be a rule set or a time set,

846
00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:09,080
Speaker 1: you know, use discretion. If she would have called me

847
00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:10,680
Speaker 1: at two in the morning for supplies in the house,

848
00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:14,960
Speaker 1: Becaude probably been like, yo, what are you fixing that

849
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:17,959
Speaker 1: two in the morning, Like you have applies to your hand? Awesome, Okay,

850
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:21,080
Speaker 1: now go to the nearest outlet and stick it right

851
00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:32,000
Speaker 1: into the socket. Hello, hello, Okay, there we go down ship.

852
00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:35,840
Speaker 1: Only only a woman would have go that far. I

853
00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:39,200
Speaker 1: wouldn't even think about killing nobody. Watch somebody got to

854
00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:45,040
Speaker 1: die with y'all all the times back to integrity question

855
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:49,200
Speaker 1: of it to um but you know, just to close

856
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:52,600
Speaker 1: out that question, your boyfriend got to set boundaries and

857
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:55,839
Speaker 1: let people know it's on him totally. I'm thirty years

858
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:57,480
Speaker 1: old and I've been in a relationship with my thirty

859
00:44:57,520 --> 00:44:59,799
Speaker 1: one year old boyfriend for four years. I will be

860
00:44:59,840 --> 00:45:01,839
Speaker 1: a tending grad school in the fall out of state,

861
00:45:01,880 --> 00:45:04,520
Speaker 1: and have been making plans with my boyfriend to prepare

862
00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:07,480
Speaker 1: for long distance for the past year. I've made it

863
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:09,800
Speaker 1: clear to him that I'm looking to get engaged before

864
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:13,640
Speaker 1: grad school or separate given long distance, the stress of

865
00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:17,759
Speaker 1: grad school and me being of childbearing age is is

866
00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:20,920
Speaker 1: enough to bear without having a commitment. He recently has

867
00:45:20,960 --> 00:45:23,719
Speaker 1: shared with me that he began having feelings of being

868
00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:26,600
Speaker 1: unsure of how we would work for a long term marriage,

869
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:28,840
Speaker 1: and that he also feels unsure that he will be

870
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:32,480
Speaker 1: able to live up to the compromises. The compromises required.

871
00:45:32,880 --> 00:45:35,799
Speaker 1: I feel completely blindsided, giving he's taken so long to

872
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:39,120
Speaker 1: tell me this and has had me look at rings

873
00:45:39,160 --> 00:45:41,799
Speaker 1: and go through pre marital counseling with him last year.

874
00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:44,080
Speaker 1: As I searched forward or that's why you go through

875
00:45:44,080 --> 00:45:45,640
Speaker 1: counseling to figure out this what you want to do?

876
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:47,880
Speaker 1: As I search for answers. He feels the pressure to

877
00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:50,600
Speaker 1: answer my questions without having the space and time to

878
00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:53,520
Speaker 1: think so that he can move forward with being more

879
00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:57,240
Speaker 1: intentional towards committing to marriage. I'm growing impatient and jaded

880
00:45:57,320 --> 00:46:00,480
Speaker 1: because of the time I've spent I've put in only

881
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:03,560
Speaker 1: to be surprised by this. Are his feelings about marriage

882
00:46:03,600 --> 00:46:07,279
Speaker 1: at this point? Unreasonable? Is this cold feet or something more?

883
00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:10,040
Speaker 1: Although I love him, I don't know what to do anymore.

884
00:46:10,600 --> 00:46:16,040
Speaker 1: Jaddn't bitter? Yeah, okay? How do you tell people how

885
00:46:16,120 --> 00:46:18,600
Speaker 1: you feel and they tell you how they feel and

886
00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:21,440
Speaker 1: you get mad because they don't say what you want

887
00:46:21,719 --> 00:46:25,960
Speaker 1: to say exactly? Counseling the purpose of Yeah, that's usually

888
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:28,560
Speaker 1: why people recommend premarital counseling. Like you and I had

889
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:32,240
Speaker 1: the opportunity to do it beforehand, and then stuff got

890
00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:34,360
Speaker 1: crazy and busy and my uncle ended up marrying us,

891
00:46:34,400 --> 00:46:35,839
Speaker 1: and we were like, maybe we should find somebody who

892
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:39,200
Speaker 1: wasn't related to me to do it. So that's the

893
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:41,239
Speaker 1: purpose of talking these things out ahead of time, to

894
00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:43,440
Speaker 1: decipher if it's really what you want to do or not.

895
00:46:43,880 --> 00:46:46,279
Speaker 1: I would applaud him in the circumstance for just saying

896
00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:48,520
Speaker 1: maybe I'm not sure if I'm willing to compromise on

897
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:51,920
Speaker 1: certain things rather than marry you under the false guys

898
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:54,280
Speaker 1: of I'm going to give you everything you want and need,

899
00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:56,719
Speaker 1: and that he don't and then you're mad, and then

900
00:46:56,760 --> 00:46:59,919
Speaker 1: you even more jaded and bitter. So see, I think

901
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:04,040
Speaker 1: she wanted him to say something else, and when he didn't,

902
00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:07,360
Speaker 1: she waited, hoping she could change his mind. Mind. He

903
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:09,919
Speaker 1: just told you how he felt, and now the ball

904
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:12,880
Speaker 1: is in your court to say, you know what, I

905
00:47:12,960 --> 00:47:15,960
Speaker 1: understand how you feel based on what you said, but

906
00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:18,200
Speaker 1: I'm looking for something immediately, so I'm going to have

907
00:47:18,239 --> 00:47:20,560
Speaker 1: to move on. I don't think that that's an ultimatum.

908
00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:22,799
Speaker 1: I think that you being delttle bit about what you

909
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:24,640
Speaker 1: need and what you want out of life and not

910
00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:27,759
Speaker 1: being willing to wait, that's not an ultimatum. That's you

911
00:47:27,920 --> 00:47:31,800
Speaker 1: making a choice. Uh. And I think that he told you.

912
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:33,520
Speaker 1: You know, when when someone shows you who they are,

913
00:47:33,560 --> 00:47:36,080
Speaker 1: it tells you what they want. Believe them the first time,

914
00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:38,600
Speaker 1: don't waste time trying to change their mind, and then

915
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:41,480
Speaker 1: when they don't, be jaded and bitter because you couldn't

916
00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:44,799
Speaker 1: change their mind. That's you. That's you problem. Like that's

917
00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:46,799
Speaker 1: that's a lot of a lot of times. I think

918
00:47:46,840 --> 00:47:49,799
Speaker 1: what happens people ask for the truth about things they

919
00:47:49,800 --> 00:47:51,840
Speaker 1: asked to hear. How people feel. Think of when you

920
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:55,120
Speaker 1: did that Madame Noir episode while back, and it's supposed

921
00:47:55,120 --> 00:47:57,120
Speaker 1: to be wasn't I think like a man? Or Yeah,

922
00:47:57,120 --> 00:48:01,920
Speaker 1: it was asked ask black man. And when a lot

923
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:03,440
Speaker 1: of the men on there were saying the things that

924
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:07,640
Speaker 1: women didn't want to hear, but we're their truth, got upset.

925
00:48:08,080 --> 00:48:10,719
Speaker 1: You've got people kind of throwing tomatoes. And then you'd

926
00:48:10,719 --> 00:48:12,799
Speaker 1: have the one or two guys who were singing the

927
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:16,640
Speaker 1: sweet songs and the whispering the sweet promises and saying

928
00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:20,400
Speaker 1: the right words. That was just like a glazed over vague,

929
00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:23,840
Speaker 1: you know, opinion of what a man should be. And

930
00:48:23,880 --> 00:48:26,399
Speaker 1: women were like, yeah, we want him. But he was saying,

931
00:48:27,880 --> 00:48:29,640
Speaker 1: then that's and that's the truth. Like you, you know,

932
00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:32,200
Speaker 1: you can't ask somebody what they want and not be

933
00:48:32,239 --> 00:48:35,040
Speaker 1: ready to receive their truth. You know. But but here's

934
00:48:35,040 --> 00:48:39,640
Speaker 1: another truth though, Um, the biological clock is real. Right.

935
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:43,200
Speaker 1: I'll give you an example. We had Jackson, we had Kyro,

936
00:48:43,280 --> 00:48:46,000
Speaker 1: we had cass Codine, had great pregnancies, we had the

937
00:48:46,040 --> 00:48:48,920
Speaker 1: code and she had an amazing pregnancy. At the end

938
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:53,479
Speaker 1: of the pregnancy, she suffered from postpartum preclampson, which could

939
00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:58,200
Speaker 1: have taken her life. That comes with age. And now

940
00:48:58,200 --> 00:49:00,640
Speaker 1: it's to a point where it's like, if Candeine and

941
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:03,439
Speaker 1: I wanted to have another baby, which we don't, if

942
00:49:03,480 --> 00:49:07,240
Speaker 1: we wanted to, that option has been kind of limited

943
00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:10,319
Speaker 1: because of her health issues that come with age. And

944
00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:13,880
Speaker 1: I think that a lot more men need to realize, like, hey,

945
00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:16,040
Speaker 1: we can take our time because we don't have to

946
00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:19,000
Speaker 1: carry children. A lot more women are being deliberate about

947
00:49:19,040 --> 00:49:20,960
Speaker 1: what they want and need out of life, because once

948
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:25,359
Speaker 1: you get to that, you know, thirty, mid thirties, now

949
00:49:25,400 --> 00:49:27,440
Speaker 1: you have to start thinking about your health and safety

950
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:29,600
Speaker 1: if you want to be a mom, and that's a

951
00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:33,279
Speaker 1: real thing. So it's not an ultimatum. It's not you

952
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:36,239
Speaker 1: being unreasonable, it's not you putting pressure, it's me you

953
00:49:36,360 --> 00:49:40,120
Speaker 1: being honest. But with you being honest, you have to

954
00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:42,200
Speaker 1: be willing to accept that that man may say, well,

955
00:49:42,239 --> 00:49:45,560
Speaker 1: I'm not ready right now. And if he's not ready

956
00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:47,719
Speaker 1: right now, then you have to make the decision to

957
00:49:47,800 --> 00:49:50,319
Speaker 1: move in a different direction, which means you may be

958
00:49:50,360 --> 00:49:52,359
Speaker 1: in love with this man, and you may jump out

959
00:49:52,400 --> 00:49:54,480
Speaker 1: of the frying pan into the fire, and you may

960
00:49:54,520 --> 00:49:56,640
Speaker 1: be looking for something else that you may not find

961
00:49:56,640 --> 00:49:59,120
Speaker 1: in any other man. And you may find yourself by

962
00:49:59,120 --> 00:50:04,040
Speaker 1: yourself because you left someone who you were in love with,

963
00:50:04,080 --> 00:50:06,359
Speaker 1: who may not been ready in that moment, but might

964
00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:09,399
Speaker 1: be ready now. So well maybe it might be ready

965
00:50:09,440 --> 00:50:12,080
Speaker 1: later on. So I get it tough place to be in,

966
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:14,520
Speaker 1: but I get it's great that y'all are at least

967
00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:18,479
Speaker 1: exploring this by having the conversations and by speaking about

968
00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:21,480
Speaker 1: it and seeking the counseling, because that's actually being proactive,

969
00:50:21,520 --> 00:50:24,719
Speaker 1: absolutely not reactive. Absolutely. All right, y'all keep writing in

970
00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:27,440
Speaker 1: because we'd love to hear more from you guys. Um

971
00:50:27,560 --> 00:50:31,000
Speaker 1: listener letters should go through email. Don't d m U

972
00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:33,319
Speaker 1: s because we're not gonna see it, um dead. Ask

973
00:50:33,360 --> 00:50:36,120
Speaker 1: advice at gmail dot com. That's right, there's d E

974
00:50:36,200 --> 00:50:38,200
Speaker 1: A D A S S A d V I C

975
00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:41,680
Speaker 1: E at gmail dot com. All right, Momenta, True time,

976
00:50:41,719 --> 00:50:45,760
Speaker 1: we're talking about integrity across the board, public scrutiny, praise

977
00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:48,080
Speaker 1: all those good things. When it comes to integrity. My

978
00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:50,960
Speaker 1: thing is pretty simple. Can you sleep at night when

979
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:53,640
Speaker 1: you do whatever it is that you do, whether it's

980
00:50:53,760 --> 00:50:56,279
Speaker 1: to get that next gig or that next role or

981
00:50:56,320 --> 00:50:59,279
Speaker 1: that promotion or whatever it may be. Um the way

982
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:01,200
Speaker 1: you handle into actions with people on a day to

983
00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:03,719
Speaker 1: day basis, whether you're famous or not. The way you

984
00:51:03,760 --> 00:51:06,960
Speaker 1: carry yourself is that something that you can do and

985
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:11,040
Speaker 1: then at the end of the night sleep peacefully. That's

986
00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:12,719
Speaker 1: usually how I look at it, because if it's something

987
00:51:12,719 --> 00:51:14,359
Speaker 1: that's gonna keep me up and it's gonna be like, damn,

988
00:51:14,400 --> 00:51:16,600
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have. I wish I didn't, you know, I

989
00:51:16,600 --> 00:51:18,680
Speaker 1: should have could have? What is then that? For me?

990
00:51:19,360 --> 00:51:23,320
Speaker 1: It's never any progress there. I'm always gonna say I

991
00:51:23,320 --> 00:51:25,320
Speaker 1: should be able to sleep at night and sleep peacefully

992
00:51:25,360 --> 00:51:27,080
Speaker 1: and be happy with the decisions that I've made in

993
00:51:27,080 --> 00:51:29,440
Speaker 1: the way I've treated people. I agree with that. And

994
00:51:29,600 --> 00:51:33,040
Speaker 1: I'll also add this, like integrity also depends on what

995
00:51:33,120 --> 00:51:37,120
Speaker 1: you value in life. If you value family, your integrity

996
00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:38,640
Speaker 1: is going to be rooted in what is in the

997
00:51:38,680 --> 00:51:41,919
Speaker 1: best interests of your family first, right. If you don't

998
00:51:41,920 --> 00:51:45,000
Speaker 1: have a family and you value community, your integrity is

999
00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:48,320
Speaker 1: going to be uh dependent upon what's in the best

1000
00:51:48,360 --> 00:51:53,520
Speaker 1: interests of the community. If you value career and fame,

1001
00:51:54,120 --> 00:51:57,439
Speaker 1: your integrity is going to be dependent upon what you

1002
00:51:57,520 --> 00:51:59,560
Speaker 1: think is going to get you the greatest amount of

1003
00:51:59,600 --> 00:52:04,440
Speaker 1: fame and finances. So integrity really depends on what the

1004
00:52:04,520 --> 00:52:07,279
Speaker 1: person values. You can't put your value on someone else

1005
00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:11,160
Speaker 1: and say they have no integrity because of what they did. Also,

1006
00:52:11,600 --> 00:52:15,360
Speaker 1: integrity goes both ways. I am tired of watching people

1007
00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:18,440
Speaker 1: talk about celebrities saying they have no integrity when these

1008
00:52:18,440 --> 00:52:21,080
Speaker 1: people who are not celebrities walk around having no integrity

1009
00:52:21,120 --> 00:52:23,839
Speaker 1: at all on a daily basis. Okay, so you don't

1010
00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:28,279
Speaker 1: have to be a celebrity to have integrity, right, you

1011
00:52:28,360 --> 00:52:31,759
Speaker 1: can be a person that works are on the five is.

1012
00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:36,040
Speaker 1: For example, I've been watching a lot of people talk

1013
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:38,920
Speaker 1: about I don't even want to bring the situation up,

1014
00:52:39,560 --> 00:52:42,279
Speaker 1: but what they should what one what a celebrity should

1015
00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:46,000
Speaker 1: have done. But you cheat on your wife every day.

1016
00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:49,080
Speaker 1: So you're telling me what this person should do to

1017
00:52:49,120 --> 00:52:52,319
Speaker 1: have a better to be have more integrity, But you

1018
00:52:52,360 --> 00:52:56,480
Speaker 1: don't live integrity in your own personal life. Right, you

1019
00:52:56,600 --> 00:52:59,560
Speaker 1: stepped on your boss to get that promotion, but you

1020
00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:02,319
Speaker 1: think that celebrity should have integrity. You see what I'm saying,

1021
00:53:03,719 --> 00:53:07,400
Speaker 1: Get judgment and the whole point. The whole point is

1022
00:53:08,200 --> 00:53:11,200
Speaker 1: You do not have to be a celebrity to live

1023
00:53:11,280 --> 00:53:14,839
Speaker 1: with integrity. We all, as human beings, should learn to

1024
00:53:14,920 --> 00:53:18,440
Speaker 1: live with integrity every single day. And that integrity is

1025
00:53:18,480 --> 00:53:20,920
Speaker 1: going to be depending upon what you value. Don't let

1026
00:53:20,920 --> 00:53:23,640
Speaker 1: anyone else tell you what's supposed to value more. Because

1027
00:53:23,680 --> 00:53:26,600
Speaker 1: if it's your family, put that first and foremost. If

1028
00:53:26,640 --> 00:53:30,080
Speaker 1: it's your community, put that first and foremost. If it's

1029
00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:33,200
Speaker 1: if it's you, your career, put that first and foremost.

1030
00:53:33,280 --> 00:53:35,480
Speaker 1: Because you're the only person has to answer to you.

1031
00:53:35,960 --> 00:53:38,319
Speaker 1: And as fast as you become a celebrity, you'll fall

1032
00:53:38,360 --> 00:53:40,799
Speaker 1: even faster. So if you continue to put other people

1033
00:53:40,840 --> 00:53:44,560
Speaker 1: in the forefront, you get disappointed very quickly. All right, now,

1034
00:53:45,280 --> 00:53:47,839
Speaker 1: it was a word a word. Be sure to find

1035
00:53:47,880 --> 00:53:50,479
Speaker 1: us on social media if you have not already. Dead

1036
00:53:50,520 --> 00:53:53,759
Speaker 1: asked the podcast. Thank you for following and engaging on

1037
00:53:53,800 --> 00:53:55,960
Speaker 1: that page. We'd love to see it and you can

1038
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:57,960
Speaker 1: find me at Cadine I Am and I Am devoted

1039
00:53:57,960 --> 00:54:01,120
Speaker 1: and if you're listening or Apple Podcasts, be short, rate, review,

1040
00:54:01,440 --> 00:54:08,200
Speaker 1: and subscribe. Dead Ass is a production of I Heart

1041
00:54:08,280 --> 00:54:12,040
Speaker 1: Media podcast Network and is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple

1042
00:54:12,360 --> 00:54:14,840
Speaker 1: Follow the podcast on social media at dead as the

1043
00:54:14,920 --> 00:54:16,440
Speaker 1: podcasts and never miss a thing