WEBVTT - Sacred Rage feat. Devi Brown

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<v Speaker 1>Happy Birthday, to yeah, by birthday to yeah, happy Birthday,

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<v Speaker 1>to come back, thank you.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh your heart. Hi, welcome back to good Mom's Bad Choices.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm Erica and I'm Mila. Happy Wednesday, Happy Wednesday. Welcome

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<v Speaker 2>back to make your own magic October.

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<v Speaker 3>October is my favorite month. And guess what, you guys,

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<v Speaker 3>it's my birthday.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a very special day. It's my wife's birthday.

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<v Speaker 4>I'm twenty seven, she's twenty seven. Wow, I don't know.

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<v Speaker 4>I feel like twenty seven was a good year for me.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 4>Wait, oh yeah, it was the year I gave birth.

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<v Speaker 3>It's a very transitional year, and I feel like I'm

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<v Speaker 3>in a transitional year in my life.

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<v Speaker 4>So we're going back to the twenty seventh. Okay, Well,

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<v Speaker 4>I'm with it. If you google me, you'll find out

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<v Speaker 4>ho old I am. But don't do that shit.

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<v Speaker 2>If you're twice seven, I'm twenty six, I'm with it.

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<v Speaker 4>That's true exactly.

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<v Speaker 2>How I feel? How do you feel today?

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<v Speaker 4>Like I said, I feel like I'm in a transitional year.

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<v Speaker 4>I feel good.

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<v Speaker 3>I feel good. I feel like this year has been

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<v Speaker 3>very challenging for me. I've had a lot of deep

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<v Speaker 3>shadow work I've been going through and working through, and

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<v Speaker 3>things I thought that I had already dealt with have resurfaced,

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<v Speaker 3>and so I'm kind of in the midst of journeying

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<v Speaker 3>through that path, but excited to do excited to do

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<v Speaker 3>the work, and like, honestly, I'm even more grateful too

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<v Speaker 3>because part of the work is with my dad, and

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<v Speaker 3>my dad is really on board with participating in that

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<v Speaker 3>part of the work that I need to do with him.

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<v Speaker 4>So actually next week, me and him.

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<v Speaker 3>Have a solo trip planned for the weekend, and I'm

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<v Speaker 3>fucking nervous as hell. I'm trying not to have expectations,

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<v Speaker 3>which is really hard, which is the whole thing I'm

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<v Speaker 3>trying to undo with men. But I am open, I'm open,

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<v Speaker 3>I'm happy, and I'm grateful to be alive and have

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<v Speaker 3>been doing this thing here for five and a half years.

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<v Speaker 5>The whole thirties, the whole oh my god, has been

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<v Speaker 5>all of my thirties, because I just told her to

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<v Speaker 5>one whole day, the whole twenties, fuck my whole twenty

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<v Speaker 5>five four and a half's yeah, yeah, you know, I'm

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<v Speaker 5>excited for you, and I think sometimes as we're like

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<v Speaker 5>going into new ages and new stages of our lives. Like,

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<v Speaker 5>for instance, when we were like going into your thirties,

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<v Speaker 5>people tell you all the time, my.

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<v Speaker 2>Thirties are gonna be different. It's gonna be so different,

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<v Speaker 2>like just like what my their heads so crazy, But

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<v Speaker 2>you don't really fully understand or grasp that until you

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<v Speaker 2>do it. So I think after you go through those

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<v Speaker 2>very pivotal moments when you are going through something that's transitional,

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<v Speaker 2>like you are right now, that like it brings a

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<v Speaker 2>little bit more ease because you're like, oh, I've done

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<v Speaker 2>some I've done some transitional shit before, and at the

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<v Speaker 2>other side there's this grand thing. But you know, when

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<v Speaker 2>you get to that part when you're like something's not

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<v Speaker 2>right here and I have to do some work, it

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<v Speaker 2>can be difficult. So I'm proud of you, and I'm

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<v Speaker 2>excited for this year and these changes and that you're

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<v Speaker 2>embracing them. And I'm excited for your journey with your

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<v Speaker 2>with your dad and your trip. I think a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of people don't get the opportunity to identify when they're

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<v Speaker 2>having like having parts of their lives that they're stuck in,

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<v Speaker 2>and then even go even deeper to be like, well,

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<v Speaker 2>this is related to this person, and this person is

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<v Speaker 2>still here, so let's deal with it. And I realized,

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<v Speaker 2>like I was just thinking this yesterday. I'm like, this

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<v Speaker 2>crazy thought came and I'm like, am I close to

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<v Speaker 2>my parents? Or am I just? Are they my parents?

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<v Speaker 2>And so there's an assumption of closeness, you know, like

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<v Speaker 2>when you grow up in the household with someone or not,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, you're like, so you see them every day,

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<v Speaker 2>so it feels close. But as we become an adults

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<v Speaker 2>and we go off into the world and then we

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<v Speaker 2>go you know, the whole thing is like you have kids,

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<v Speaker 2>you make your own family, get married, and then you're like,

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<v Speaker 2>but like, did I talk to these people on a

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<v Speaker 2>day to day basis like I do my homegirls or

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<v Speaker 2>my friends. And it kind of scared me, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>because it's like all these none of the none of

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<v Speaker 2>us are going to be here permanently, and so what

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<v Speaker 2>does that look like if you know, like this this

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<v Speaker 2>idea that there's closeness, but then the reality that maybe

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<v Speaker 2>it doesn't exist like we think it is, and you

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<v Speaker 2>know how abrupt the ending of that can be if

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<v Speaker 2>you're not really working on the relationships actively. So like

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<v Speaker 2>I'm excited to see, you know how that plays out

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<v Speaker 2>for you, and like, thank your feedback.

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<v Speaker 3>I feel very fortunate that I have a parent that

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<v Speaker 3>wants to do that, because I know that it's there's

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<v Speaker 3>there's a difference between having a parent that's alive that

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<v Speaker 3>you want to work through some shit with and they

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<v Speaker 3>can't even they won't they're not getting to participate or

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<v Speaker 3>they won't even acknowledge anything, versus a parent that is like,

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<v Speaker 3>what do you need? How can I how can I

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<v Speaker 3>help this, how can I help serve view in this way?

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<v Speaker 3>Or how can I help heal this this thing, this

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<v Speaker 3>damage that I've done.

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<v Speaker 2>It also makes me wonder for me, for me as

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<v Speaker 2>a mom and as a parent, and I think about

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<v Speaker 2>how I am with my parents right now, and I'm like,

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<v Speaker 2>what the fuck? Like if if Luna grows up and

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<v Speaker 2>is thirty five and I'm like speaking to her once

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<v Speaker 2>a week, I'll be like, what the fuck? You know

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<v Speaker 2>what I mean? And like how sad that can be

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<v Speaker 2>for a parent. You know, I think parents are probably

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<v Speaker 2>more aware of it because they're the parent, whereas we're

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<v Speaker 2>like at the peak of our lives, just like I

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<v Speaker 2>gotta work and I got to figure it out where

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<v Speaker 2>parents are like probably realizing that not that it's coming

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<v Speaker 2>to an end, but you are getting older, so the

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<v Speaker 2>mortality of that is more present, and so it's like,

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<v Speaker 2>you know it probably you know, just like parents feel

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<v Speaker 2>sadness and your kid goes off to college or gets married,

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<v Speaker 2>there's this level of losing them or losing that relationship,

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<v Speaker 2>and I don't know, it's kind of it scares me

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<v Speaker 2>a little bit, you know. So it is exciting that

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<v Speaker 2>your dad's willing to do that, and it makes me wonder,

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<v Speaker 2>like do I need to reminds me of durand asking

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<v Speaker 2>us this question that we intentionally swept over when he

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<v Speaker 2>was like, would you be friends with your parents if

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<v Speaker 2>they weren't your parents? And I was like, ooh, dog,

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<v Speaker 2>relax with these questions. But you know, it's like yes

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<v Speaker 2>to your parents, but is there a level of friendship

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<v Speaker 2>that you have there and are you working to maintain

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<v Speaker 2>that or you know, even discover if it doesn't exist.

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<v Speaker 2>So I think that's I think your dad's cool, and

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<v Speaker 2>I think he's cool like for being open to doing

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<v Speaker 2>it and he's aware of like what, you know, the

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<v Speaker 2>relationship you guys have had. So I think that's like

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<v Speaker 2>super super inspiring.

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<v Speaker 4>That is a deep question.

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<v Speaker 3>I want if you're listening, ask yourself that question, because

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<v Speaker 3>I'm sitting here thinking, like, I know, yes I would.

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<v Speaker 4>I would be.

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<v Speaker 3>Friends with my parents now right if you asked me

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<v Speaker 3>like five years ago, I don't.

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<v Speaker 4>I don't think so, I don't know. Definitely, I don't know. Sorry, mom.

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<v Speaker 2>But the other questions we don't generally ask ourselves. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>it's nice to It's nice when people pose those questions

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<v Speaker 2>so you can have the opportunity to reflect on it,

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<v Speaker 2>because a lot of people will just bypass those things

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<v Speaker 2>and then you'll you have regret. You'll have regret, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>and it's like we might as well deal with the

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<v Speaker 2>things that come up in real time so that you're

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<v Speaker 2>not dealing with it when it's too late.

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<v Speaker 4>True.

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<v Speaker 3>Thanks, Well, we have another parent here in the building.

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<v Speaker 3>We have one of my dear friends and someone that

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<v Speaker 3>I just admire so much. She is a master wellness educator.

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<v Speaker 3>She's also the host of Deeply Well podcast. She's a

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<v Speaker 3>mama to a cutie pilot boy. Debbie Brown. Welcome back

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<v Speaker 3>to the show.

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<v Speaker 4>Thank you. I'm so happy to be here with people.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm so happy to have you.

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<v Speaker 4>Would you be friends with your parents?

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<v Speaker 6>M Yes, And you know, I was really relating first

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<v Speaker 6>of all, that was beautiful, that whole exchange around, because

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<v Speaker 6>my God, is that complex, I think, I you know, yeah,

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<v Speaker 6>I think at the place that I am at now

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<v Speaker 6>at this age with my mom and Jess, especially seeing

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<v Speaker 6>her be such a phenomenal grandmother to my son, like absolutely,

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<v Speaker 6>she's a really amazing friend.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I mean, it's I feel like it's a journey.

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<v Speaker 4>I think.

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<v Speaker 3>I think for women too, with a relationship with the

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<v Speaker 3>mom is always a little bit complicated. It's a little murky,

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<v Speaker 3>and obviously there's so many layers of that, I think

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<v Speaker 3>because of the time in which our parents grew up

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<v Speaker 3>in the pressure to be perfect wives or perfect mothers,

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<v Speaker 3>or and not having the tools also to to self

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<v Speaker 3>regulate and really know how to.

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<v Speaker 4>Support their child.

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<v Speaker 3>Because I think a lot of times too, society paints

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<v Speaker 3>this version of motherhood as like you give birth to

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<v Speaker 3>your mini me and it's not that like, and then

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<v Speaker 3>you're disappointed kind of w or you're frustrated, like why

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<v Speaker 3>are you acting this way? This is not this is

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<v Speaker 3>not what I would do, or this is not how

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<v Speaker 3>I would behave, and so then there's that resistance, at

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<v Speaker 3>least for me with my mother, Like we are very

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<v Speaker 3>different people, similar in ways, but different people, and I

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<v Speaker 3>always felt like there was this like miscommunication of like

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<v Speaker 3>this is who I am and I'm not going to

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<v Speaker 3>be that, and it became like this tug of war,

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<v Speaker 3>and I feel like over the last few years like

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<v Speaker 3>there's kind of honestly, I think it's good moms.

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<v Speaker 4>Really that really helped.

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<v Speaker 3>Heal our relationship because I had to stand ten toes

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<v Speaker 3>down in what I was doing and because I loved it.

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<v Speaker 3>I love it so much and I'm so passionate about it,

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<v Speaker 3>and she didn't understand it, and it caused a lot

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<v Speaker 3>of turmoil at first in our relationship. And then I said, no,

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<v Speaker 3>this is what I'm doing. And then obviously now she's

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<v Speaker 3>seen the growth and you know, the journey, and there's

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<v Speaker 3>like a level of like I think she respects me

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<v Speaker 3>as an adult. Finally, I mean, I'll always be her baby,

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<v Speaker 3>but that has also I think softened her to who

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<v Speaker 3>I who I was as a younger child and really

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<v Speaker 3>understanding like the rebellion that I was going through in

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<v Speaker 3>ways of like this is how I want to dress.

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<v Speaker 3>This is how I am, Like, I'm not weird about

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<v Speaker 3>nakedness just because you are, even though like my mom's

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<v Speaker 3>but as naked in my house every single day.

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<v Speaker 4>That's just that's why I would always be so confused, like, Mom,

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<v Speaker 4>you're like the most naked person I know, why are

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<v Speaker 4>you acting? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 3>She would be just butt naked all over the place like.

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<v Speaker 2>Erica and I would be sometimes I would be uncomfortable.

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<v Speaker 4>I'd be like, Mom, can you just like put some

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<v Speaker 4>underwear on? Like god damn. She was like wow, shit,

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<v Speaker 4>Like wow, I can see where I was birthed. The portal.

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<v Speaker 2>The portal is shining cause.

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<v Speaker 3>But I think that there's a level of understanding and

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<v Speaker 3>softness that has I've seen her adopt in the way

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<v Speaker 3>she communicates with me, like I've seen I don't even

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<v Speaker 3>know if it was intentional, but I so probably something

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<v Speaker 3>I need to acknowledge and tell her because even more recently,

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<v Speaker 3>I've the way she talks to me.

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<v Speaker 4>On the phone, like, Hi, honey, how are you? Like

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<v Speaker 4>She's very like, hey, how you doing?

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<v Speaker 3>Because ITAs before I always felt like, oh god, I'm

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<v Speaker 3>in trouble, Like what did I not do?

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<v Speaker 4>What?

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<v Speaker 2>You know?

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<v Speaker 3>So, yeah, there's there's definitely been a growth there. So

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<v Speaker 3>now I definitely would be friends with my mom.

0:11:33.400 --> 0:11:36.040
<v Speaker 2>It's so interesting, Like I'm hearing you talk, I'm just

0:11:36.080 --> 0:11:39.640
<v Speaker 2>like thinking about us as a unit, and I'm just thinking, like,

0:11:40.760 --> 0:11:42.440
<v Speaker 2>you know, our parents did come from a different time

0:11:42.600 --> 0:11:47.640
<v Speaker 2>and they were experiencing different shit, and like we not

0:11:47.720 --> 0:11:51.839
<v Speaker 2>surpassing our parents, but spiritually and emotionally absolutely, And I

0:11:51.880 --> 0:11:53.360
<v Speaker 2>don't know, like I actually want to know like what

0:11:53.520 --> 0:11:56.400
<v Speaker 2>your background is, and you're like how your spiritual upbringing was,

0:11:56.440 --> 0:11:59.360
<v Speaker 2>But in my household were there really wasn't a lot,

0:11:59.400 --> 0:12:02.199
<v Speaker 2>you know, like was like we weren't very religious. In fact,

0:12:02.240 --> 0:12:04.840
<v Speaker 2>like my dad told me, like Jesus was just like

0:12:04.880 --> 0:12:06.840
<v Speaker 2>some white man that all the white people told us

0:12:06.880 --> 0:12:08.680
<v Speaker 2>to believe in and then everyone believed them, and like

0:12:09.240 --> 0:12:12.240
<v Speaker 2>how people are dumb basically, and like so I wasn't

0:12:12.280 --> 0:12:15.640
<v Speaker 2>forced into any religion, but I've always been like attracted

0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:19.880
<v Speaker 2>to like spirituality and the mystics. But I realize that

0:12:19.920 --> 0:12:23.280
<v Speaker 2>there's this like emotional intelligence that we kind of have

0:12:23.559 --> 0:12:25.360
<v Speaker 2>kind of been birth into. And I'm sure it's partially

0:12:25.400 --> 0:12:27.480
<v Speaker 2>the Internet, and I'm thinking it's partially just like the

0:12:27.520 --> 0:12:30.320
<v Speaker 2>way the world is going that it requires us to

0:12:30.360 --> 0:12:32.520
<v Speaker 2>be a little bit more tuned. And I think that

0:12:33.000 --> 0:12:37.120
<v Speaker 2>this generation right here has been given this like extreme

0:12:37.240 --> 0:12:43.080
<v Speaker 2>blessing responsibility to heal the generations before us. And I

0:12:43.120 --> 0:12:45.120
<v Speaker 2>see it, like I feel it, and I see it

0:12:45.120 --> 0:12:46.960
<v Speaker 2>in my kid, and I see it when I see

0:12:47.000 --> 0:12:49.120
<v Speaker 2>my look at my mom and you know, I've seen

0:12:49.160 --> 0:12:52.160
<v Speaker 2>her grow in ways and same like shift to what

0:12:52.200 --> 0:12:54.439
<v Speaker 2>I'm doing and be like okay, like okay, I get

0:12:54.480 --> 0:12:56.640
<v Speaker 2>it now, but like it's always been a lot of

0:12:56.679 --> 0:12:58.760
<v Speaker 2>this and I'm a lot of person, so I get it,

0:12:59.600 --> 0:13:02.080
<v Speaker 2>and I'm very rebellious and I'm very ten tones down

0:13:02.080 --> 0:13:04.120
<v Speaker 2>and who I am. But even to the like even

0:13:04.160 --> 0:13:05.440
<v Speaker 2>though I was talking to my dad and he was like,

0:13:05.480 --> 0:13:07.240
<v Speaker 2>but you know, back in the day, like my parents

0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:09.360
<v Speaker 2>really didn't tell us we love them. And I asked

0:13:09.400 --> 0:13:11.240
<v Speaker 2>them about that because their parents didn't tell them they

0:13:11.240 --> 0:13:14.840
<v Speaker 2>love them, and there was this like disconnect of emotional

0:13:15.679 --> 0:13:19.280
<v Speaker 2>like emotional vulnerability. And I mean, I think as brown

0:13:19.320 --> 0:13:21.360
<v Speaker 2>and black people too, when you have a lot of

0:13:21.360 --> 0:13:24.160
<v Speaker 2>shit to worry about, like survival, there's not a lot

0:13:24.160 --> 0:13:26.400
<v Speaker 2>of time for like the woo woo shit, and so

0:13:26.480 --> 0:13:28.600
<v Speaker 2>it's like get the work done, work hard, do this

0:13:28.720 --> 0:13:30.839
<v Speaker 2>don't fuck around. So I think when they see us

0:13:30.880 --> 0:13:34.679
<v Speaker 2>and we're like naked, I'm doing this, they're like wait.

0:13:34.440 --> 0:13:34.960
<v Speaker 4>Like they don't.

0:13:35.000 --> 0:13:39.400
<v Speaker 2>There's a level of misunderstanding. But I think it's also shifting,

0:13:40.200 --> 0:13:43.720
<v Speaker 2>shifting generations of like trauma for us, you know, and like,

0:13:43.760 --> 0:13:48.160
<v Speaker 2>I think it's a it's an interesting thing to watch

0:13:48.280 --> 0:13:51.440
<v Speaker 2>us being ourselves and then watching our parents kind of

0:13:51.480 --> 0:13:53.240
<v Speaker 2>like us be the parent and them kind of come

0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:56.560
<v Speaker 2>out of the the you know, like out of their

0:13:58.120 --> 0:14:01.120
<v Speaker 2>just like that very stubborn place where they were. And like,

0:14:01.280 --> 0:14:03.520
<v Speaker 2>I was just thinking about all the tools that we utilize,

0:14:03.559 --> 0:14:05.800
<v Speaker 2>like the tarot cards and the readings, because I know

0:14:06.000 --> 0:14:08.760
<v Speaker 2>I've been to your reader through Erica and I had

0:14:08.800 --> 0:14:12.920
<v Speaker 2>like a I had a uh what did I have?

0:14:15.040 --> 0:14:17.959
<v Speaker 2>I had a family constellation done, and even for me,

0:14:18.000 --> 0:14:20.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, this is crazy, weird, this is so weird,

0:14:20.760 --> 0:14:22.480
<v Speaker 2>but I'm still open to it. And I'm like then

0:14:22.520 --> 0:14:25.280
<v Speaker 2>I have like an hour into it, I'm fucking bawling, crying,

0:14:25.400 --> 0:14:27.800
<v Speaker 2>standing on pieces of paper. But I mean, I just

0:14:27.840 --> 0:14:29.720
<v Speaker 2>imagine for like our parents, these are things that they

0:14:29.720 --> 0:14:31.520
<v Speaker 2>would never be open to, and they'd also be like

0:14:31.520 --> 0:14:33.240
<v Speaker 2>what the fuck you know what I mean? But us

0:14:33.280 --> 0:14:37.440
<v Speaker 2>being open to certain like levels of spiritual medicine has

0:14:37.640 --> 0:14:40.320
<v Speaker 2>really like it's going it's going to change the paradigm

0:14:40.360 --> 0:14:43.120
<v Speaker 2>for our kids and just being open to that type

0:14:43.120 --> 0:14:45.440
<v Speaker 2>of stuff. And I'm just like wondering what was the

0:14:45.480 --> 0:14:48.320
<v Speaker 2>background growing up with your mom and your family and

0:14:48.400 --> 0:14:50.600
<v Speaker 2>like did they did she encourage it or was it

0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:52.160
<v Speaker 2>like forbidden or what did that look like?

0:14:53.240 --> 0:14:55.520
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, well, first, I would love to speak to everything

0:14:55.560 --> 0:14:58.000
<v Speaker 6>that you just said, because I mean it was just

0:14:58.040 --> 0:15:02.480
<v Speaker 6>so beautifully unpacked and just so deeply true and some

0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:05.000
<v Speaker 6>of what you're saying. It's interesting because I think back,

0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:08.680
<v Speaker 6>you know, when you come into enlightenment, especially if you

0:15:08.800 --> 0:15:13.080
<v Speaker 6>are a breaker of generational trauma in your family line,

0:15:13.160 --> 0:15:16.120
<v Speaker 6>or especially if you are an awaken or away shower,

0:15:16.480 --> 0:15:19.960
<v Speaker 6>which so many of us are in this generation, I

0:15:19.960 --> 0:15:22.960
<v Speaker 6>think you go through stages with how you relate to

0:15:23.040 --> 0:15:25.360
<v Speaker 6>your family system. And of course this is dependent on

0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:28.520
<v Speaker 6>our individual experiences, and some people have a lot of

0:15:29.440 --> 0:15:32.920
<v Speaker 6>truly unforgivable, big t trauma that happens with their families,

0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:37.720
<v Speaker 6>so I'm not quite speaking to that, but you go

0:15:37.760 --> 0:15:40.320
<v Speaker 6>through this phase where you know, it's like at first

0:15:40.640 --> 0:15:42.960
<v Speaker 6>you're just high on your own shit, because you just

0:15:43.000 --> 0:15:45.640
<v Speaker 6>think you're so great because you're figuring stuff out and

0:15:45.680 --> 0:15:48.760
<v Speaker 6>you're breaking these curses and you're doing things differently, and

0:15:48.800 --> 0:15:52.040
<v Speaker 6>you're having these awarenesses. And then there's a lot of

0:15:52.080 --> 0:15:55.160
<v Speaker 6>anger that happens towards your family of origin, and sometimes

0:15:55.160 --> 0:15:56.920
<v Speaker 6>a lot of shaming of them, and a lot of

0:15:56.960 --> 0:16:01.680
<v Speaker 6>a deep desire to disassociate and disconnect. And then hopefully

0:16:01.760 --> 0:16:03.720
<v Speaker 6>the farther we get on our journey and the more

0:16:03.760 --> 0:16:07.360
<v Speaker 6>we soften, there comes a lot of humility. Like in

0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:09.880
<v Speaker 6>the last few years, I've come into an immense amount

0:16:09.920 --> 0:16:13.440
<v Speaker 6>of humility, and the way that I was walking around

0:16:13.520 --> 0:16:16.880
<v Speaker 6>with my awakening and kind of allowing it to make

0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:22.520
<v Speaker 6>me feel sometimes better then or above. You know, I'm oh,

0:16:22.560 --> 0:16:24.160
<v Speaker 6>I'm so and I know, and I see how the

0:16:24.160 --> 0:16:27.120
<v Speaker 6>world works, and I understand because to the point of

0:16:27.160 --> 0:16:30.960
<v Speaker 6>what you said, yeah, none of this existed for them.

0:16:31.600 --> 0:16:34.120
<v Speaker 6>You know. It's like we're only a handful of decades

0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:37.160
<v Speaker 6>removed of women having the right to have bank accounts,

0:16:37.560 --> 0:16:40.560
<v Speaker 6>of women having universally around the country, like the right

0:16:40.600 --> 0:16:44.480
<v Speaker 6>to work without permission. And I think something I also

0:16:44.600 --> 0:16:47.160
<v Speaker 6>have really been fascinated by that I'm studying is like

0:16:49.120 --> 0:16:53.200
<v Speaker 6>I love to study generations, like dating back a hundred years,

0:16:53.240 --> 0:16:57.120
<v Speaker 6>like what were people going through in whatever times it was,

0:16:57.320 --> 0:16:59.760
<v Speaker 6>And I think we are always at the mercy no

0:16:59.760 --> 0:17:03.760
<v Speaker 6>matter or how pure your heart is, no matter how

0:17:03.800 --> 0:17:06.320
<v Speaker 6>good your intention, we are always at the mercy of

0:17:06.359 --> 0:17:11.000
<v Speaker 6>the collective consciousness of the time, which means billions of people.

0:17:11.320 --> 0:17:16.000
<v Speaker 6>You know, like it influences everything. But I think, you know,

0:17:21.359 --> 0:17:24.560
<v Speaker 6>as we kind of process our stuff, and for those

0:17:24.600 --> 0:17:27.679
<v Speaker 6>that are looking to reconnect with their families, you know,

0:17:27.720 --> 0:17:29.760
<v Speaker 6>I think the thing that we hear a lot is like,

0:17:29.960 --> 0:17:34.400
<v Speaker 6>you know, they didn't get that either, And have compassion, yes,

0:17:34.640 --> 0:17:37.480
<v Speaker 6>and have a deep gratitude that you were born in

0:17:37.520 --> 0:17:40.000
<v Speaker 6>a time that you could connect to this work with

0:17:40.040 --> 0:17:42.520
<v Speaker 6>so much ease. Granted, no matter what, doing the work

0:17:42.600 --> 0:17:44.800
<v Speaker 6>is hard, but the fact that you can open up

0:17:44.840 --> 0:17:50.320
<v Speaker 6>Instagram and read an infographic that explained something that took

0:17:50.920 --> 0:17:54.600
<v Speaker 6>somebody maybe ten years of therapy to understand. And not

0:17:54.680 --> 0:17:57.160
<v Speaker 6>only are you understanding it, we're blessed with the fact

0:17:57.200 --> 0:18:00.760
<v Speaker 6>that the collective now is having new language, is understanding

0:18:00.800 --> 0:18:04.480
<v Speaker 6>these things. You can slide into conversations like this in

0:18:04.520 --> 0:18:07.480
<v Speaker 6>a way you never could, you know. So as much

0:18:07.480 --> 0:18:11.000
<v Speaker 6>as we feel really proud of the work that we're doing,

0:18:11.040 --> 0:18:15.520
<v Speaker 6>and we should. There also has to be humility with it,

0:18:15.560 --> 0:18:18.439
<v Speaker 6>because it's not that we're better than the generations that

0:18:18.480 --> 0:18:21.040
<v Speaker 6>came before us. We just have a completely different set

0:18:21.040 --> 0:18:25.439
<v Speaker 6>of circumstances and opportunity and space to do this work.

0:18:27.240 --> 0:18:29.560
<v Speaker 3>I'm thinking about the collect like you're talking about the collective,

0:18:29.600 --> 0:18:32.320
<v Speaker 3>and I'm thinking about in this time. Yes, there is

0:18:32.359 --> 0:18:35.600
<v Speaker 3>the luxury, right that we have these things at our fingertips.

0:18:35.600 --> 0:18:38.159
<v Speaker 3>I have whatuld you call it an infographic that you

0:18:38.200 --> 0:18:41.680
<v Speaker 3>can break down something super quickly that maybe someone took

0:18:41.680 --> 0:18:44.199
<v Speaker 3>ten years to figure out. There's also kind of like

0:18:44.200 --> 0:18:45.760
<v Speaker 3>a privilege in that as well, that, right, I can

0:18:45.840 --> 0:18:48.200
<v Speaker 3>just kind of like, Okay, got it, So why next?

0:18:48.359 --> 0:18:50.360
<v Speaker 4>Oh that was cute? Oh took you ten years? Cool?

0:18:52.320 --> 0:18:55.240
<v Speaker 3>Like how do you view that? Like is that is it?

0:18:55.280 --> 0:18:58.760
<v Speaker 3>Is it dangerous? Or is it helpful? Like?

0:18:59.440 --> 0:19:03.720
<v Speaker 4>Where do what? How would you describe the collective right now?

0:19:03.840 --> 0:19:06.679
<v Speaker 6>I think everything is always both, you know, Like I

0:19:06.720 --> 0:19:09.720
<v Speaker 6>think in every field that we're in and every paradigm

0:19:10.040 --> 0:19:14.480
<v Speaker 6>that shifts, like you always have awful, mediocre, good, excellent,

0:19:15.000 --> 0:19:16.800
<v Speaker 6>you know, And I think that's the same thing for

0:19:16.920 --> 0:19:20.119
<v Speaker 6>this time and in some ways It is dangerous because

0:19:20.119 --> 0:19:22.320
<v Speaker 6>a lot of people who don't do the work are

0:19:22.359 --> 0:19:27.800
<v Speaker 6>getting equipped with language they don't apply or understand, and

0:19:27.880 --> 0:19:31.359
<v Speaker 6>a lot of people are just memorizing books and memorizing

0:19:31.440 --> 0:19:36.119
<v Speaker 6>terms and regurgitating. But to actually change oneself, it's a

0:19:36.200 --> 0:19:37.280
<v Speaker 6>slow process.

0:19:37.400 --> 0:19:38.280
<v Speaker 4>It takes years.

0:19:38.359 --> 0:19:41.639
<v Speaker 6>It's not a weekend of vision boarding that can motivate you,

0:19:42.200 --> 0:19:47.280
<v Speaker 6>but that deeper inspiration that actually allows you to embody

0:19:47.359 --> 0:19:50.159
<v Speaker 6>new ways of being and change your life. It's a

0:19:50.359 --> 0:19:55.120
<v Speaker 6>very slow, beautiful unfolding, and it requires a lot of patience,

0:19:55.160 --> 0:19:58.879
<v Speaker 6>and it requires a lot of revisiting. You know, something

0:19:58.880 --> 0:20:00.960
<v Speaker 6>you said earlier. It's like I thought, I healed this,

0:20:01.520 --> 0:20:04.679
<v Speaker 6>and you did. You healed what you had access to

0:20:04.960 --> 0:20:08.560
<v Speaker 6>at the time. And because of that work, now there's

0:20:08.600 --> 0:20:11.399
<v Speaker 6>a little more. Now there's an opportunity to see it

0:20:11.400 --> 0:20:14.760
<v Speaker 6>from a different lens, to apply that same healing to

0:20:14.960 --> 0:20:17.760
<v Speaker 6>other areas of your life, you know. And so I

0:20:17.760 --> 0:20:20.080
<v Speaker 6>think that's and maybe this isn't the perfect word for this,

0:20:20.200 --> 0:20:22.159
<v Speaker 6>but it's the one that keeps coming through. It's like,

0:20:22.840 --> 0:20:27.080
<v Speaker 6>be in humility with your process. That is what will

0:20:27.640 --> 0:20:31.720
<v Speaker 6>really guide you and push you forward for the rest

0:20:31.720 --> 0:20:34.600
<v Speaker 6>of your life. Allow yourself to be in dignity with

0:20:34.640 --> 0:20:39.320
<v Speaker 6>your process, be an integrity with your process. It's not

0:20:39.400 --> 0:20:41.919
<v Speaker 6>about who's more healed and how much we know than

0:20:41.960 --> 0:20:45.199
<v Speaker 6>the other person, or how many wh I did ayahuasca

0:20:45.359 --> 0:20:47.520
<v Speaker 6>this many times, so that means this I.

0:20:47.400 --> 0:20:48.400
<v Speaker 2>Did da da da da dada.

0:20:48.440 --> 0:20:51.760
<v Speaker 6>It's like cool, cool, cool, And we all have our

0:20:51.880 --> 0:20:55.080
<v Speaker 6>stuff from this lifetime and all the others. You know,

0:20:55.160 --> 0:20:58.920
<v Speaker 6>It's like it's not a race to enlightenment or consciousness.

0:21:00.119 --> 0:21:03.399
<v Speaker 6>And I think very often people, especially once they get

0:21:03.480 --> 0:21:07.040
<v Speaker 6>connected to certain language, it's just so easy to get

0:21:07.119 --> 0:21:09.919
<v Speaker 6>high on your own supply. It is so easy to

0:21:09.960 --> 0:21:13.520
<v Speaker 6>be feeling yourself and holding yourself as above. And you know,

0:21:13.800 --> 0:21:16.120
<v Speaker 6>I'm always of the belief no matter where i am

0:21:16.480 --> 0:21:21.040
<v Speaker 6>in my wisdom and my knowledge and my process above

0:21:21.160 --> 0:21:26.080
<v Speaker 6>nor beneath anyone ever, I'm just dancing with my unique

0:21:26.160 --> 0:21:30.640
<v Speaker 6>karma and my unique spiritual curriculum. And actually, to answer

0:21:30.720 --> 0:21:33.800
<v Speaker 6>your question that you had to start, I didn't come

0:21:33.800 --> 0:21:36.600
<v Speaker 6>from a spiritual home. I think my mom was having

0:21:36.720 --> 0:21:41.639
<v Speaker 6>her own reckoning with God, and so God was not

0:21:41.800 --> 0:21:45.400
<v Speaker 6>at all present in my house. But I always longed

0:21:45.440 --> 0:21:48.280
<v Speaker 6>for God, Like I remember being a child and being

0:21:48.400 --> 0:21:52.639
<v Speaker 6>fascinated by church and being very fascinated by Christ, but

0:21:52.720 --> 0:21:57.600
<v Speaker 6>it kind of was very adjacent to my experience. I'm

0:21:57.640 --> 0:21:59.600
<v Speaker 6>an only child raised by a single parent, and I

0:21:59.640 --> 0:22:03.440
<v Speaker 6>was alive kid, so it's like all of those layers

0:22:03.560 --> 0:22:08.880
<v Speaker 6>kind of experience. In childhood, I was always curious about God.

0:22:08.920 --> 0:22:12.360
<v Speaker 6>I always felt God, but I didn't have any systems

0:22:12.400 --> 0:22:14.840
<v Speaker 6>or language around it or anyone to talk to about it.

0:22:14.960 --> 0:22:20.240
<v Speaker 6>So my dance with the divine has always been about

0:22:20.280 --> 0:22:24.040
<v Speaker 6>me seeking it out and then applying and growing in

0:22:24.040 --> 0:22:26.720
<v Speaker 6>that kind of as my own personal relationship.

0:22:27.760 --> 0:22:31.160
<v Speaker 4>At what point did you begin to seek it out?

0:22:31.440 --> 0:22:33.359
<v Speaker 4>Was it during that time or was.

0:22:33.359 --> 0:22:34.199
<v Speaker 6>It very young?

0:22:34.600 --> 0:22:34.919
<v Speaker 4>Yeah?

0:22:35.000 --> 0:22:37.879
<v Speaker 6>I think I came into an awareness that I was

0:22:37.920 --> 0:22:42.240
<v Speaker 6>a very highly intuitive child really young, and I think

0:22:42.600 --> 0:22:45.720
<v Speaker 6>that was noticed by adults around me and also probably

0:22:47.119 --> 0:22:51.040
<v Speaker 6>really disliked. You know. I was always very, very very

0:22:51.080 --> 0:22:55.119
<v Speaker 6>aware of patterns of decisions and choices adults were making.

0:22:55.160 --> 0:22:58.760
<v Speaker 6>I was always kind of observing and evaluating. My mom

0:22:58.840 --> 0:23:01.080
<v Speaker 6>used to call me like, you're you were a deep feeler,

0:23:01.600 --> 0:23:05.520
<v Speaker 6>you know, and I'm like to say it, I'm like

0:23:05.600 --> 0:23:06.760
<v Speaker 6>to say it lightly.

0:23:06.920 --> 0:23:07.800
<v Speaker 4>There's a lot.

0:23:07.640 --> 0:23:11.679
<v Speaker 6>Going on in this thing, But yeah, I think I

0:23:11.760 --> 0:23:15.000
<v Speaker 6>was always intuitive, So I was connected to the mystery

0:23:15.480 --> 0:23:20.199
<v Speaker 6>of being here on earth and like to kind of

0:23:20.200 --> 0:23:25.400
<v Speaker 6>those unseen energetics and forces that you feel. And then

0:23:25.400 --> 0:23:28.199
<v Speaker 6>I just kind of I've always been since I was

0:23:28.200 --> 0:23:30.680
<v Speaker 6>a kid. This this sounds like kind of ridiculous, Like

0:23:30.720 --> 0:23:33.800
<v Speaker 6>I wasn't Doogie Houser or anything, but like I was

0:23:33.880 --> 0:23:37.720
<v Speaker 6>always like I read it like a ninth grade level,

0:23:37.920 --> 0:23:41.160
<v Speaker 6>like like I think in first grade or second grade

0:23:41.240 --> 0:23:44.680
<v Speaker 6>or something like I had, like I know, I had

0:23:44.720 --> 0:23:50.359
<v Speaker 6>like a terrible at math and science, but always really

0:23:50.400 --> 0:23:55.560
<v Speaker 6>connected to like language and reading and history and fascinated

0:23:55.560 --> 0:23:59.119
<v Speaker 6>by it forever. And so I would just kind of

0:23:59.160 --> 0:24:01.320
<v Speaker 6>start there was no internet back in my day, but

0:24:01.400 --> 0:24:03.560
<v Speaker 6>I would just kind of leaf through books. And I

0:24:03.600 --> 0:24:06.280
<v Speaker 6>think growing up in LA and I had a very

0:24:06.400 --> 0:24:09.879
<v Speaker 6>contrasting way that I grew up, Like I experienced like

0:24:10.040 --> 0:24:15.679
<v Speaker 6>a lot of extremes in lifestyles and in cultures. I

0:24:15.720 --> 0:24:18.399
<v Speaker 6>think I feel really grateful to have been born in

0:24:18.520 --> 0:24:21.240
<v Speaker 6>la and raised in the way that I was, because

0:24:21.520 --> 0:24:23.840
<v Speaker 6>it allowed me to see the way that other people

0:24:23.840 --> 0:24:27.720
<v Speaker 6>were connecting to God so much, other cultures, other backgrounds

0:24:27.720 --> 0:24:32.360
<v Speaker 6>of their households. It's like, you know, there were meditation studios,

0:24:32.400 --> 0:24:34.040
<v Speaker 6>you know, if like you went to Santa Monica. There

0:24:34.040 --> 0:24:36.600
<v Speaker 6>were yoga studios, there were so there were things that

0:24:36.640 --> 0:24:39.280
<v Speaker 6>were always like seating my consciousness of like I don't

0:24:39.320 --> 0:24:41.240
<v Speaker 6>quite know what that is, but damn I feel a

0:24:41.320 --> 0:24:44.280
<v Speaker 6>pull to it. At some point I'll investigate, you know,

0:24:44.359 --> 0:24:46.600
<v Speaker 6>and then it all started making sense.

0:24:47.320 --> 0:24:48.879
<v Speaker 4>You kind of just started to pull the things.

0:24:49.800 --> 0:24:52.240
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, because like do you I mean, I don't know

0:24:52.280 --> 0:24:55.040
<v Speaker 3>if you identify as a Christian or a Catholic or

0:24:55.400 --> 0:24:58.840
<v Speaker 3>you just kind of identify as what spiritualists just someone.

0:24:58.600 --> 0:25:03.960
<v Speaker 6>Who I respect so much about religion. I'm very drawn,

0:25:04.240 --> 0:25:08.040
<v Speaker 6>especially to like Catholicism. I believe that Christ is the

0:25:08.080 --> 0:25:12.720
<v Speaker 6>most masterful teacher that has walked to the planet. But

0:25:12.960 --> 0:25:15.119
<v Speaker 6>in no way would I say that I kind of

0:25:15.160 --> 0:25:18.760
<v Speaker 6>adhere to any dogma or any like particular belief Like

0:25:18.840 --> 0:25:22.760
<v Speaker 6>I believe in my relationship with the divine. I believe

0:25:22.760 --> 0:25:26.159
<v Speaker 6>in goodness, I believe in integrity. I believe in trying

0:25:26.240 --> 0:25:29.960
<v Speaker 6>to make doing what's right because it's right, and making

0:25:29.960 --> 0:25:33.439
<v Speaker 6>aligned choices. But I wouldn't say that I believe in

0:25:33.520 --> 0:25:36.719
<v Speaker 6>like that any one system of worship is better than

0:25:36.760 --> 0:25:39.320
<v Speaker 6>any other. It's how do you know God? And are

0:25:39.359 --> 0:25:43.440
<v Speaker 6>you sure that you're aligned with God or you aligned

0:25:43.440 --> 0:25:45.840
<v Speaker 6>with the middle man connecting you to God. I think

0:25:45.880 --> 0:25:47.760
<v Speaker 6>that's something really important to look at.

0:25:49.280 --> 0:25:51.760
<v Speaker 3>The middle man, meaning like the one who's delivering the

0:25:51.800 --> 0:25:53.760
<v Speaker 3>message or yeah, because you.

0:25:53.760 --> 0:25:55.800
<v Speaker 6>Know, it's like we hear, we hear so many stories.

0:25:55.840 --> 0:25:58.960
<v Speaker 6>You have your you know, you have your just mind

0:25:59.040 --> 0:26:02.399
<v Speaker 6>blowing prophet, like one that I respect so deeply is

0:26:02.680 --> 0:26:05.560
<v Speaker 6>TD Jakes, you know, his daughter Sarah Jakes, Like you

0:26:05.680 --> 0:26:13.600
<v Speaker 6>have really anointed beautiful, powerful conduits of the divine, vessels

0:26:13.640 --> 0:26:15.639
<v Speaker 6>of the divine. And then you also hear all the

0:26:15.680 --> 0:26:19.280
<v Speaker 6>stories about you know, the cults and the predators in churches,

0:26:19.359 --> 0:26:22.480
<v Speaker 6>and you know, again, it's like everything, whether we're talking

0:26:22.520 --> 0:26:25.120
<v Speaker 6>about wellness, whether we're talking about religion, whether we're talking

0:26:25.119 --> 0:26:30.240
<v Speaker 6>about the medical industry or the you know, I don't know,

0:26:30.280 --> 0:26:35.520
<v Speaker 6>the motor industry. I don't know. There's always a spectrum

0:26:35.680 --> 0:26:40.400
<v Speaker 6>of the way that you experience it. There is terrible, mediocre, good, excellent.

0:26:40.600 --> 0:26:44.000
<v Speaker 6>So it's always like evaluating like is this the best,

0:26:44.119 --> 0:26:46.760
<v Speaker 6>is this the most connected? Is this the most aligned?

0:26:47.400 --> 0:26:50.520
<v Speaker 6>And like yeah, just really being present with yourself and

0:26:50.560 --> 0:26:55.480
<v Speaker 6>holding whatever systems you put yourself in to a higher ideal.

0:26:57.520 --> 0:27:00.320
<v Speaker 3>I think about like gurus, right, because people like you

0:27:00.320 --> 0:27:04.120
<v Speaker 3>know they some people live and die by their their

0:27:04.160 --> 0:27:08.800
<v Speaker 3>guru or their Did you ever in your journey, and

0:27:08.840 --> 0:27:13.960
<v Speaker 3>obviously it's continuous, do you have did you have any

0:27:13.960 --> 0:27:17.720
<v Speaker 3>moments in which, like you felt like maybe you were

0:27:17.720 --> 0:27:20.080
<v Speaker 3>adhering to that middleman and that you had to kind

0:27:20.080 --> 0:27:23.280
<v Speaker 3>of like break free and have sovereignty over like what

0:27:23.320 --> 0:27:25.240
<v Speaker 3>your belief systems are, and if and if so, like

0:27:25.280 --> 0:27:25.719
<v Speaker 3>what was that?

0:27:25.840 --> 0:27:26.560
<v Speaker 4>What was that moment?

0:27:26.720 --> 0:27:31.399
<v Speaker 6>Like a what an important question I would for my

0:27:31.640 --> 0:27:34.120
<v Speaker 6>personal journey? I would say no. And I think that's

0:27:34.200 --> 0:27:36.840
<v Speaker 6>because you know, the nature of being an only child,

0:27:37.000 --> 0:27:40.639
<v Speaker 6>especially with a single parent, an ealatrike kid, you're hyper independent.

0:27:41.040 --> 0:27:43.600
<v Speaker 6>So I've been hyper independent my whole life. Like one

0:27:43.600 --> 0:27:45.679
<v Speaker 6>of the things that always comes up in my astrology

0:27:45.760 --> 0:27:48.399
<v Speaker 6>chart is like you will never be able to get

0:27:48.520 --> 0:27:51.719
<v Speaker 6>DEBI to do anything that she doesn't want to do,

0:27:52.119 --> 0:27:55.360
<v Speaker 6>like my body just won't move. And I've always been

0:27:55.400 --> 0:27:58.720
<v Speaker 6>like that since a child, So like for me, it's

0:27:58.760 --> 0:28:01.359
<v Speaker 6>I think it's also been like I've never had any

0:28:01.480 --> 0:28:04.040
<v Speaker 6>true mentors at any point in my life. It was

0:28:04.080 --> 0:28:07.520
<v Speaker 6>always about, Okay, I need to figure this out. And

0:28:07.560 --> 0:28:12.640
<v Speaker 6>so because of that, I developed. I think a lot

0:28:12.640 --> 0:28:16.520
<v Speaker 6>of self trust really young, even if I was you know,

0:28:16.720 --> 0:28:20.320
<v Speaker 6>I'm deeply flawed, and I one million percent have not

0:28:20.359 --> 0:28:23.240
<v Speaker 6>always and still do not make the best choices all

0:28:23.280 --> 0:28:28.680
<v Speaker 6>the time. But I've always known that, like I'm sovereign

0:28:28.840 --> 0:28:31.280
<v Speaker 6>and I'm my own being and I'm taking myself where

0:28:31.320 --> 0:28:31.880
<v Speaker 6>I need to go.

0:28:34.680 --> 0:28:37.560
<v Speaker 2>Is that something you saw your mom like exemplify and

0:28:37.600 --> 0:28:39.560
<v Speaker 2>so you adopted that or is this something that's like

0:28:39.600 --> 0:28:42.120
<v Speaker 2>in you're solely in your DNA.

0:28:42.240 --> 0:28:44.440
<v Speaker 6>I think definitely a little of both. You know. I

0:28:44.480 --> 0:28:48.600
<v Speaker 6>think my mom is an incredibly strong woman and an

0:28:48.680 --> 0:28:55.520
<v Speaker 6>incredibly creative woman, and I've always seen her be resilient

0:28:55.640 --> 0:28:59.680
<v Speaker 6>beyond belief. So there's definitely, you know, this kind of

0:28:59.760 --> 0:29:04.200
<v Speaker 6>life tolerance to endure, this ability to push through that

0:29:04.280 --> 0:29:07.440
<v Speaker 6>I absolutely got from her. And I think part of

0:29:07.480 --> 0:29:11.320
<v Speaker 6>my unique destiny is that I've always meant to be

0:29:12.400 --> 0:29:14.720
<v Speaker 6>I've always do that even make sense, I've always been

0:29:14.800 --> 0:29:19.040
<v Speaker 6>meant to be a little bit of an outlier, a

0:29:19.040 --> 0:29:22.280
<v Speaker 6>little bit of an observer of things that are going on. Again,

0:29:22.400 --> 0:29:25.200
<v Speaker 6>not above nor beneath, but just I've never been an

0:29:25.760 --> 0:29:28.800
<v Speaker 6>organizational person. I'm not a big groups person. I can

0:29:28.840 --> 0:29:32.200
<v Speaker 6>have fun in groups. I'm a super extrovert, which sometimes

0:29:32.200 --> 0:29:37.160
<v Speaker 6>people are surprised to know. But yeah, I've always just

0:29:37.280 --> 0:29:42.600
<v Speaker 6>felt really good about doing my own thing and trusting

0:29:42.640 --> 0:29:45.560
<v Speaker 6>that whatever I feel called to do, I can do it.

0:29:45.320 --> 0:29:48.480
<v Speaker 2>Has that been challenging for you, like a growing in

0:29:48.520 --> 0:29:51.960
<v Speaker 2>your spirituality and in this space, but then like dating

0:29:52.120 --> 0:29:58.840
<v Speaker 2>and like like intimidating for men, or like it's been

0:29:58.880 --> 0:30:01.520
<v Speaker 2>you know, or because you are kind of an outlier,

0:30:01.600 --> 0:30:03.880
<v Speaker 2>Like once you do find someone that you like click with,

0:30:04.440 --> 0:30:06.320
<v Speaker 2>do you feel like you get like much closer to

0:30:06.360 --> 0:30:09.240
<v Speaker 2>them much quicker? Like and how have you protected yourself

0:30:09.240 --> 0:30:12.360
<v Speaker 2>in that way? You know, because you are an EmPATH

0:30:12.480 --> 0:30:17.800
<v Speaker 2>and like you know, notoriously women are weaknesses those men

0:30:18.480 --> 0:30:20.000
<v Speaker 2>and then become in a lot of different forms. And

0:30:20.000 --> 0:30:21.800
<v Speaker 2>we've talked about this a lot this month about just

0:30:21.880 --> 0:30:24.640
<v Speaker 2>like when you're in a special when I think we

0:30:24.680 --> 0:30:27.320
<v Speaker 2>all have our own you know, life's purpose and like

0:30:28.360 --> 0:30:31.800
<v Speaker 2>you know, leading in ways and changing shifting, shifting things

0:30:31.800 --> 0:30:34.400
<v Speaker 2>in ways. But a lot of times we've there are

0:30:34.960 --> 0:30:38.479
<v Speaker 2>there will be tests. You know, you'll be tested in

0:30:38.600 --> 0:30:40.800
<v Speaker 2>order to like take on these roles and lead people,

0:30:40.840 --> 0:30:44.120
<v Speaker 2>and like how have you dealt with those challenges in dating.

0:30:47.560 --> 0:30:52.480
<v Speaker 4>Well, are you still still processing?

0:30:53.080 --> 0:30:56.600
<v Speaker 6>You know, I'll say, in no way am I an

0:30:56.640 --> 0:30:59.880
<v Speaker 6>expert in love. Love is still something that I am

0:31:00.120 --> 0:31:04.440
<v Speaker 6>really actively learning about in so many ways. I got

0:31:04.800 --> 0:31:07.120
<v Speaker 6>I was married for almost a decade and I got

0:31:07.160 --> 0:31:10.040
<v Speaker 6>divorced I think maybe three years ago now three and

0:31:10.040 --> 0:31:15.240
<v Speaker 6>a half years. And in the last three years, which

0:31:15.320 --> 0:31:18.000
<v Speaker 6>I took like the first year was in the pandemic

0:31:18.560 --> 0:31:21.040
<v Speaker 6>and I was like, I'm not dating these men that

0:31:21.080 --> 0:31:23.400
<v Speaker 6>are feeling emotions for the first time. I Am not

0:31:23.440 --> 0:31:25.880
<v Speaker 6>about to take this on and clean this up. I

0:31:25.880 --> 0:31:28.240
<v Speaker 6>will focus on my child, I will focus on myself.

0:31:29.280 --> 0:31:31.280
<v Speaker 6>But then kind of as I you know, pop out

0:31:31.320 --> 0:31:33.800
<v Speaker 6>and emerge to date or you know, connect with people.

0:31:34.600 --> 0:31:36.920
<v Speaker 6>Right now, I'm just in a place of curiosity with it,

0:31:37.160 --> 0:31:40.160
<v Speaker 6>you know, like I'm someone that is not looking to

0:31:40.160 --> 0:31:43.240
<v Speaker 6>be married. And something I had to really kind of

0:31:43.240 --> 0:31:45.680
<v Speaker 6>look back and remember is that since childhood, I never

0:31:45.720 --> 0:31:49.920
<v Speaker 6>actually wanted to get married. But I do believe in

0:31:50.080 --> 0:31:53.959
<v Speaker 6>committed partnership, and I do believe in, you know, having

0:31:56.520 --> 0:32:01.120
<v Speaker 6>I believe in the beauty of long term companionship. But

0:32:01.200 --> 0:32:04.960
<v Speaker 6>I'm just exploring. I'm being curious and I'm trying to

0:32:05.000 --> 0:32:08.360
<v Speaker 6>do it all from the lens of being a sovereign

0:32:08.400 --> 0:32:12.040
<v Speaker 6>woman and also a woman that understands that people can't

0:32:12.240 --> 0:32:14.960
<v Speaker 6>don't know how and won't show up perfectly, and so

0:32:15.000 --> 0:32:17.920
<v Speaker 6>how can I relate to that? And how how can

0:32:18.000 --> 0:32:22.600
<v Speaker 6>I keep the observation on me and my needs and

0:32:22.640 --> 0:32:27.040
<v Speaker 6>what I'm choosing and not be so much projected on

0:32:27.080 --> 0:32:28.240
<v Speaker 6>another person's behavior.

0:32:29.120 --> 0:32:30.840
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, yeah, I was gonna say.

0:32:30.880 --> 0:32:35.360
<v Speaker 3>I mean, because you've done a lot of work and

0:32:35.480 --> 0:32:39.800
<v Speaker 3>you are highly intuitive, I would say, And I feel

0:32:39.800 --> 0:32:41.520
<v Speaker 3>this way as well too. I mean, I'm still on

0:32:41.560 --> 0:32:43.960
<v Speaker 3>my journey too, and my intuition is when it comes

0:32:44.000 --> 0:32:48.239
<v Speaker 3>to love, my intuition is fucked up okay, period, Like

0:32:48.720 --> 0:32:51.760
<v Speaker 3>it's usually on spot on and then at some point

0:32:52.120 --> 0:32:57.040
<v Speaker 3>I either sex confuses me or well, that's why I'm

0:32:57.080 --> 0:32:59.960
<v Speaker 3>really going deeper with this relationship with my father, because

0:33:00.480 --> 0:33:03.520
<v Speaker 3>there's there's a confusion that that's happening there for me,

0:33:03.680 --> 0:33:06.400
<v Speaker 3>that's unresolved, that gets really messy and cloudy for me

0:33:06.480 --> 0:33:09.160
<v Speaker 3>when as it pertains to like masculine energy.

0:33:11.200 --> 0:33:14.240
<v Speaker 6>God, I mean, just to sit there for a second,

0:33:14.280 --> 0:33:18.160
<v Speaker 6>that is so real for all of us in such

0:33:18.160 --> 0:33:22.240
<v Speaker 6>a multitude of ways, Like even things that we say

0:33:22.720 --> 0:33:25.400
<v Speaker 6>as like a joke, like one of my homies and

0:33:25.440 --> 0:33:27.840
<v Speaker 6>I we always say, like Dolores Tucker was right this

0:33:27.960 --> 0:33:28.560
<v Speaker 6>whole time.

0:33:28.680 --> 0:33:30.080
<v Speaker 4>Who the fuck is Dolores Tucker?

0:33:30.240 --> 0:33:33.160
<v Speaker 6>Do you remember, like when when rap was really taking

0:33:33.200 --> 0:33:35.960
<v Speaker 6>over in nw A, she was, I believe a congresswoman

0:33:36.040 --> 0:33:38.640
<v Speaker 6>or an assembly woman and she was trying to get

0:33:38.720 --> 0:33:43.600
<v Speaker 6>censorship and banning on the music. But the misogyny always

0:33:43.640 --> 0:33:47.320
<v Speaker 6>has the best beats, Like she was like fire, you know,

0:33:47.520 --> 0:33:50.600
<v Speaker 6>so everybody was fighting against it. But let's really think

0:33:50.640 --> 0:33:55.480
<v Speaker 6>about the effects of growing up as young women and

0:33:55.560 --> 0:33:58.040
<v Speaker 6>hearing some of the music that we heard, and that

0:33:58.200 --> 0:34:02.960
<v Speaker 6>shaping our understanding of sex, shaping especially if as many

0:34:03.000 --> 0:34:06.320
<v Speaker 6>many people, it's very rare experience to come from a

0:34:06.360 --> 0:34:09.759
<v Speaker 6>fully quote unquote healthy home. You know, we're picking up

0:34:09.880 --> 0:34:13.840
<v Speaker 6>ways of being from everything around us. So it's like

0:34:15.200 --> 0:34:18.879
<v Speaker 6>it's plowing through the individual curriculum you have with your

0:34:18.880 --> 0:34:22.200
<v Speaker 6>father and what you both decided you'd work through together

0:34:22.280 --> 0:34:27.080
<v Speaker 6>this lifetime and every man we dated up until this

0:34:27.200 --> 0:34:30.759
<v Speaker 6>point of our lives and everything that influenced us, the shows,

0:34:31.400 --> 0:34:34.440
<v Speaker 6>the you know, the music, the conversations that were happening

0:34:34.480 --> 0:34:37.759
<v Speaker 6>around us, Like we absorbed all of it and took

0:34:37.800 --> 0:34:40.799
<v Speaker 6>it on as collective, the collective, and we took it

0:34:40.800 --> 0:34:44.239
<v Speaker 6>on as belief about ourself, about our worth. And so

0:34:44.320 --> 0:34:46.160
<v Speaker 6>it's like we and that's why we have to take

0:34:46.239 --> 0:34:49.239
<v Speaker 6>shame out of everything and the way that we work

0:34:49.280 --> 0:34:51.920
<v Speaker 6>with things that we have to bring gentleness for ourselves

0:34:51.960 --> 0:34:55.359
<v Speaker 6>and acceptance because there's so much that we didn't even

0:34:55.400 --> 0:34:58.680
<v Speaker 6>give consent for that shaped our reality. You know, it's

0:34:58.680 --> 0:35:03.440
<v Speaker 6>like this very slow, so slow on learning and dismantling

0:35:03.480 --> 0:35:06.279
<v Speaker 6>and then like pulling in our own truth that we

0:35:06.400 --> 0:35:06.759
<v Speaker 6>come to.

0:35:10.440 --> 0:35:12.960
<v Speaker 3>Before we started recording, you touched on a term that

0:35:13.000 --> 0:35:16.480
<v Speaker 3>I've heard before, but I don't. I'd like to hear

0:35:16.520 --> 0:35:20.240
<v Speaker 3>what your definition of it is, and it's sacred rage.

0:35:20.880 --> 0:35:25.319
<v Speaker 3>Because rage is something that I have been battling with

0:35:25.600 --> 0:35:29.640
<v Speaker 3>for the last i'd say six months, and there's been

0:35:29.680 --> 0:35:32.480
<v Speaker 3>parts of my rage that have come up where I'm like, WHOA,

0:35:33.080 --> 0:35:35.080
<v Speaker 3>I didn't know I could like get that mad, or

0:35:35.080 --> 0:35:37.120
<v Speaker 3>I didn't know I could get this angry, or I

0:35:37.120 --> 0:35:39.560
<v Speaker 3>could feel like, I don't know if this is sacred,

0:35:39.719 --> 0:35:43.319
<v Speaker 3>this might just be toxic rage, or I literally like

0:35:43.360 --> 0:35:46.640
<v Speaker 3>I don't really give a fuck about how it affects

0:35:46.680 --> 0:35:50.520
<v Speaker 3>anyone else. I'm upset and everyone is going to feel

0:35:50.520 --> 0:35:53.600
<v Speaker 3>this rage like that's and like overtaking me and not

0:35:53.840 --> 0:35:56.799
<v Speaker 3>like I think because I've tried to bottle it up

0:35:57.480 --> 0:36:01.480
<v Speaker 3>so much, Yeah, and not speak it, thinking like Okay,

0:36:02.239 --> 0:36:04.400
<v Speaker 3>I'm dripping, I'm gonna let it go, and it's like

0:36:04.520 --> 0:36:06.480
<v Speaker 3>that you did not let it go, and now it's

0:36:06.640 --> 0:36:10.880
<v Speaker 3>just you know, so I'm just curious, like what is

0:36:10.920 --> 0:36:14.440
<v Speaker 3>your what is sacred rage? Can you explain that to Tess? God?

0:36:14.600 --> 0:36:17.640
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, Oh, I mean, just how many of us relate

0:36:17.680 --> 0:36:20.520
<v Speaker 6>to what you're saying? You know, it's like and again

0:36:20.560 --> 0:36:23.640
<v Speaker 6>it's like part of those containers that were forced into

0:36:24.000 --> 0:36:27.360
<v Speaker 6>as women especially you know in this country, wherever you're from,

0:36:27.840 --> 0:36:32.799
<v Speaker 6>of the way you're meant to respond to pain, the

0:36:32.840 --> 0:36:35.320
<v Speaker 6>way that you're meant to you know that you should

0:36:35.360 --> 0:36:40.400
<v Speaker 6>be responding to things that hurt. Sacred rage in the

0:36:40.440 --> 0:36:44.560
<v Speaker 6>way that I experience it, it's a little bit more intentional

0:36:44.760 --> 0:36:47.520
<v Speaker 6>than just rage, like what I was hearing in some

0:36:47.600 --> 0:36:49.360
<v Speaker 6>of what you described of like, you know, it's like

0:36:49.760 --> 0:36:52.239
<v Speaker 6>and I don't care what happens. And that's when we

0:36:52.280 --> 0:36:54.319
<v Speaker 6>get to the point that's a little bit outside of

0:36:54.360 --> 0:36:57.480
<v Speaker 6>and above that it's no longer sacred. Yeah, No, longer sacred,

0:36:57.560 --> 0:36:59.759
<v Speaker 6>no longer safe, and so we have to kind of

0:37:00.239 --> 0:37:03.319
<v Speaker 6>that calm and hopefully come to a place of neutrality

0:37:03.320 --> 0:37:06.600
<v Speaker 6>to work with it. But sacred rage is when you

0:37:06.640 --> 0:37:09.360
<v Speaker 6>come into a space of saying that, like you deserve

0:37:09.480 --> 0:37:12.800
<v Speaker 6>to be pissed, Like you have a right to be pissed,

0:37:12.880 --> 0:37:16.400
<v Speaker 6>You have a right to feel your feelings. How often

0:37:16.400 --> 0:37:19.920
<v Speaker 6>do we get pushed into these roles of something is

0:37:20.000 --> 0:37:21.600
<v Speaker 6>done to you and then you also have to find

0:37:21.600 --> 0:37:25.880
<v Speaker 6>the solution for it, a you have an experience with someone,

0:37:25.880 --> 0:37:29.880
<v Speaker 6>and then you're also in charge bringing everyone into peace.

0:37:30.920 --> 0:37:33.879
<v Speaker 6>You know, it's like, yes, like so many of us,

0:37:33.880 --> 0:37:38.960
<v Speaker 6>we are taught to bypass, instantaneously take ownership of and

0:37:39.080 --> 0:37:42.520
<v Speaker 6>then be the parent of the situation, whatever that situation is.

0:37:42.640 --> 0:37:45.680
<v Speaker 6>And you know a lot of that definitely starts in childhood,

0:37:46.080 --> 0:37:49.720
<v Speaker 6>having suppressed emotions, you know, not being able to feel,

0:37:49.760 --> 0:37:52.680
<v Speaker 6>not being able to have what as a child your

0:37:52.680 --> 0:37:55.160
<v Speaker 6>body is designed to do, which is have a tantrum.

0:37:55.440 --> 0:37:57.800
<v Speaker 6>You know, It's like as soon as even parents try.

0:37:57.640 --> 0:38:00.520
<v Speaker 4>To cut off the flo of a.

0:38:00.480 --> 0:38:03.840
<v Speaker 6>Tantrum if it's not hurting anyone, you're teaching your child

0:38:03.840 --> 0:38:06.880
<v Speaker 6>to suppress, and then they're building a muscle memory for that,

0:38:07.040 --> 0:38:10.919
<v Speaker 6>and we don't see how much it affects us going

0:38:10.960 --> 0:38:15.560
<v Speaker 6>into adulthood. But when you just kind of metabolize the

0:38:15.640 --> 0:38:18.799
<v Speaker 6>process of suppression. You may have been doing it because

0:38:18.800 --> 0:38:21.880
<v Speaker 6>you didn't get your binkie, but then your body learns it,

0:38:21.960 --> 0:38:24.279
<v Speaker 6>and so now you do it every time you get hurt.

0:38:24.360 --> 0:38:27.000
<v Speaker 6>Now you do it when you may be violated and

0:38:27.040 --> 0:38:31.160
<v Speaker 6>not know why, you just naturally quiet and suppress yourself.

0:38:31.840 --> 0:38:34.200
<v Speaker 6>But it's that kind of muscle memory in our emotional

0:38:34.239 --> 0:38:38.040
<v Speaker 6>world that we learn really really young. And I think

0:38:38.080 --> 0:38:41.080
<v Speaker 6>as parents, that's why it's so important to cultivate as

0:38:41.200 --> 0:38:44.920
<v Speaker 6>best we can a lot of tools and a lot

0:38:44.960 --> 0:38:50.040
<v Speaker 6>of patience, because we're only now beginning to understand the

0:38:50.120 --> 0:38:54.280
<v Speaker 6>effect that us just wanting our kids to be quiet

0:38:54.440 --> 0:38:58.480
<v Speaker 6>actually has on them. And it's like, isn't necessary And

0:38:58.480 --> 0:38:59.759
<v Speaker 6>now I forgot your original question.

0:38:59.760 --> 0:39:00.640
<v Speaker 4>Oh okay.

0:39:01.480 --> 0:39:05.839
<v Speaker 6>So the way that I look at sacred rage is like, sometimes,

0:39:06.000 --> 0:39:08.279
<v Speaker 6>especially in the last couple of years, when I was

0:39:08.440 --> 0:39:14.920
<v Speaker 6>really really moving through so much of my personal work,

0:39:15.040 --> 0:39:19.799
<v Speaker 6>like just deeply moving through my deepest wounds, it was

0:39:21.080 --> 0:39:25.000
<v Speaker 6>setting a calendar alert to cry and setting a calendar

0:39:25.000 --> 0:39:26.920
<v Speaker 6>alert to be pissed. And I'd be like, all right,

0:39:28.120 --> 0:39:31.000
<v Speaker 6>can't get this out of me just yet. Okay, gotta okay,

0:39:31.080 --> 0:39:33.120
<v Speaker 6>gotta do this with my kid, doing this for work.

0:39:33.880 --> 0:39:36.080
<v Speaker 6>In two weeks, I'm gonna break a bunch of shit,

0:39:36.800 --> 0:39:39.880
<v Speaker 6>you know, like I'm gonna break some shit in two weeks.

0:39:41.120 --> 0:39:45.040
<v Speaker 6>And then honoring that and letting myself you know, I

0:39:45.040 --> 0:39:48.200
<v Speaker 6>think it can be really divine when you create a

0:39:48.239 --> 0:39:52.040
<v Speaker 6>container where you can bring forward your pain and your

0:39:52.080 --> 0:39:55.640
<v Speaker 6>anger when it's not triggered, because then you're able to

0:39:55.760 --> 0:39:58.360
<v Speaker 6>be with it in a different way. You're able to

0:39:58.440 --> 0:40:00.600
<v Speaker 6>be with it in a way that feel a lot

0:40:00.640 --> 0:40:04.239
<v Speaker 6>more empowered and not reactive. And it's like, okay, what

0:40:04.480 --> 0:40:07.600
<v Speaker 6>really hurts, Well, I know this happened to me and

0:40:07.640 --> 0:40:12.480
<v Speaker 6>that has fed everything else. So let me sit with that.

0:40:12.719 --> 0:40:16.720
<v Speaker 6>And then when you feel rage, come up being pissed, screaming,

0:40:17.440 --> 0:40:21.239
<v Speaker 6>scream into pillows, make yourself cringe. You know, it's like,

0:40:21.360 --> 0:40:26.280
<v Speaker 6>don't be above the mess of the process. Throw things

0:40:26.320 --> 0:40:28.200
<v Speaker 6>as long as you're not going to harm another person

0:40:28.280 --> 0:40:31.400
<v Speaker 6>or yourself. Go to you know, they have ragery some

0:40:31.520 --> 0:40:34.600
<v Speaker 6>places now, Like you know, get a hammer and break

0:40:34.680 --> 0:40:38.320
<v Speaker 6>some stuff, rip some stuff apart, you know, beat some stuff,

0:40:38.560 --> 0:40:43.080
<v Speaker 6>not a person, not yourself, you know, but as soon

0:40:43.120 --> 0:40:46.239
<v Speaker 6>as you give yourself license to do that. Sometimes all

0:40:46.280 --> 0:40:48.840
<v Speaker 6>our body ever wanted to do was to feel it

0:40:49.239 --> 0:40:53.040
<v Speaker 6>in the first place. So we can actually heal certain

0:40:53.080 --> 0:40:55.439
<v Speaker 6>things that we didn't think we could with a lot

0:40:55.480 --> 0:40:58.600
<v Speaker 6>more ease than we ever imagined, as long as we

0:40:58.800 --> 0:41:02.640
<v Speaker 6>just commit to let ourselves go there, and especially letting

0:41:02.640 --> 0:41:05.879
<v Speaker 6>ourselves go there when we haven't been triggered into it

0:41:05.920 --> 0:41:09.319
<v Speaker 6>by yet another thing that we're upset about. So, you know,

0:41:09.400 --> 0:41:11.200
<v Speaker 6>when you get to a certain place where it feels

0:41:11.239 --> 0:41:16.120
<v Speaker 6>safe to do this with your journal, write down what

0:41:16.280 --> 0:41:19.080
<v Speaker 6>is your core curriculum, What are the patterns at play

0:41:19.120 --> 0:41:21.799
<v Speaker 6>that you have been dealing with with different people and

0:41:21.880 --> 0:41:25.839
<v Speaker 6>at different times, over and over and over again. You know,

0:41:25.920 --> 0:41:28.640
<v Speaker 6>what was the original wound for that? And then sit

0:41:28.680 --> 0:41:31.439
<v Speaker 6>with it and look at it and take the year

0:41:31.560 --> 0:41:34.080
<v Speaker 6>to process it. You know, it's not something you have

0:41:34.160 --> 0:41:39.000
<v Speaker 6>to fix your anger by this weekend. Take a year,

0:41:39.200 --> 0:41:41.759
<v Speaker 6>take four seasons. You know, how are you going to

0:41:41.800 --> 0:41:44.440
<v Speaker 6>relate to this anger as you get to go deeper,

0:41:44.480 --> 0:41:47.080
<v Speaker 6>after you've already healed a layer of it, make time

0:41:47.120 --> 0:41:50.600
<v Speaker 6>to cry, you know, like it's released. There is nothing

0:41:50.680 --> 0:41:55.040
<v Speaker 6>weak about it. Our bodies long to release stored energy.

0:41:55.719 --> 0:42:00.000
<v Speaker 6>You can't do both. You can't try to intellectualize the world,

0:42:00.080 --> 0:42:03.080
<v Speaker 6>work and read the books and just build knowledge and

0:42:03.120 --> 0:42:05.000
<v Speaker 6>say yep, and that happened to me, and now I

0:42:05.040 --> 0:42:07.040
<v Speaker 6>know where that is. You have to bring it into

0:42:07.080 --> 0:42:09.759
<v Speaker 6>a somatic element. You have to bring it into your

0:42:09.800 --> 0:42:12.120
<v Speaker 6>body and release it from your body. They have to

0:42:12.239 --> 0:42:16.719
<v Speaker 6>happen together for lasting change to occur in yourself and

0:42:16.760 --> 0:42:17.319
<v Speaker 6>in your life.

0:42:18.239 --> 0:42:22.640
<v Speaker 2>That somatic healing is real as fun. People bypass that

0:42:22.760 --> 0:42:25.640
<v Speaker 2>and like think like they can intellectualize stuff. I like

0:42:25.680 --> 0:42:27.680
<v Speaker 2>what you said so much about I noticed that with

0:42:27.680 --> 0:42:30.960
<v Speaker 2>my kid. It's like we train kids to be quiet

0:42:31.040 --> 0:42:33.160
<v Speaker 2>and not take up space and not embarrassed as in public,

0:42:33.200 --> 0:42:35.520
<v Speaker 2>but it's like we're domesticating them in a way that

0:42:35.760 --> 0:42:40.839
<v Speaker 2>does make like calcify their emotions. And it brought it

0:42:40.880 --> 0:42:43.120
<v Speaker 2>made me come into adulthood where I was just like

0:42:43.160 --> 0:42:46.480
<v Speaker 2>non reactive, Like I could literally feel myself making myself

0:42:46.520 --> 0:42:49.880
<v Speaker 2>go numb because I felt feelings that were overwhelming. I

0:42:49.920 --> 0:42:51.359
<v Speaker 2>didn't want to feel it. And that's a lot of

0:42:51.400 --> 0:42:53.880
<v Speaker 2>like my adulthood. I started to feel like I fucking

0:42:53.920 --> 0:42:56.239
<v Speaker 2>hate feeling and I started to be like why do

0:42:56.320 --> 0:42:58.960
<v Speaker 2>I hate feeling so much? And what happens is like

0:42:59.000 --> 0:43:02.399
<v Speaker 2>when you suppress that, when you've suppressed the rage, which

0:43:02.440 --> 0:43:04.799
<v Speaker 2>is healthy, because let's be honest, there are things that

0:43:04.880 --> 0:43:07.520
<v Speaker 2>come up, you know, as women, as you know, like

0:43:07.560 --> 0:43:11.920
<v Speaker 2>in this fucked up world that will should make you enraged.

0:43:12.000 --> 0:43:15.040
<v Speaker 2>And if you continue to like just downplay that and

0:43:15.080 --> 0:43:17.120
<v Speaker 2>downplay that, you will feel nothing. You'll be numb and

0:43:17.160 --> 0:43:19.600
<v Speaker 2>you won't be human. Humans are supposed to feel. And

0:43:19.640 --> 0:43:22.760
<v Speaker 2>I've also realized recently it's just like when you suppress

0:43:23.280 --> 0:43:26.600
<v Speaker 2>the rage, you suppress the sadness, you have no choice

0:43:26.640 --> 0:43:29.600
<v Speaker 2>but to also suppress the joy when you start to

0:43:29.960 --> 0:43:34.279
<v Speaker 2>overly regulate your feelings. Your body is trained to not

0:43:34.600 --> 0:43:37.440
<v Speaker 2>overly feel. And I was literally telling myself this, like

0:43:37.480 --> 0:43:39.640
<v Speaker 2>I'm not about to like cry like that not that

0:43:39.760 --> 0:43:42.560
<v Speaker 2>stops it. Like there are feelings that I just actively

0:43:42.760 --> 0:43:44.520
<v Speaker 2>was just pushing down because I didn't want to. I

0:43:44.560 --> 0:43:46.560
<v Speaker 2>don't want anyone else to see me feel and I

0:43:46.560 --> 0:43:49.120
<v Speaker 2>didn't want to feel it because it felt triggering because

0:43:49.160 --> 0:43:51.920
<v Speaker 2>I'm only reacting when someone and something's you know, making

0:43:51.920 --> 0:43:53.960
<v Speaker 2>me react. But then when there was times where I'm

0:43:53.960 --> 0:43:57.560
<v Speaker 2>feeling immense joy and happiness and safety. I felt like

0:43:57.600 --> 0:44:00.040
<v Speaker 2>I could not express it and I could not I

0:44:00.120 --> 0:44:03.000
<v Speaker 2>could not embody it because and I didn't know why.

0:44:03.080 --> 0:44:06.359
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I actually really am happy, but I'm just

0:44:06.400 --> 0:44:09.120
<v Speaker 2>like I felt like I was doing too much because

0:44:09.160 --> 0:44:12.200
<v Speaker 2>I've already felt I've already trained myself so much and

0:44:12.320 --> 0:44:15.319
<v Speaker 2>doing too much emotionally, Like you know, when you're a kid,

0:44:15.520 --> 0:44:18.120
<v Speaker 2>like you're you're schripping, You're not starving, you're you know,

0:44:18.239 --> 0:44:20.839
<v Speaker 2>like save those sears for something that really makes you cry,

0:44:21.360 --> 0:44:24.320
<v Speaker 2>and so you start to like you stopped to you stop,

0:44:24.440 --> 0:44:29.200
<v Speaker 2>you start stopping, this makes sense, You stop embodying any

0:44:29.320 --> 0:44:32.080
<v Speaker 2>extreme feeling, and then you're in your and you can't

0:44:32.160 --> 0:44:36.040
<v Speaker 2>really you can't. You can't choose. You can't choose what

0:44:36.520 --> 0:44:39.160
<v Speaker 2>which feelings that you're numbing out because you've kind of

0:44:39.520 --> 0:44:42.760
<v Speaker 2>just numbed out everything there is your your your nervous

0:44:42.800 --> 0:44:46.919
<v Speaker 2>system cannot regulate which emotions are which it just knows

0:44:46.920 --> 0:44:49.000
<v Speaker 2>that actually, at a certain point, you shut the fuck down,

0:44:49.200 --> 0:44:51.560
<v Speaker 2>you freeze, and that's it. And so it's taken me

0:44:51.600 --> 0:44:54.840
<v Speaker 2>a lot to kind of undo that and really realize

0:44:54.920 --> 0:44:58.640
<v Speaker 2>like it requires the voice to speak every like I'm

0:44:58.680 --> 0:45:01.040
<v Speaker 2>pissed off. It required even, it requires that even to

0:45:01.040 --> 0:45:04.040
<v Speaker 2>feel compassion for other people, because by doing that, you're

0:45:04.080 --> 0:45:07.000
<v Speaker 2>not being compassionate with yourself, You're not being soft with yourself,

0:45:07.040 --> 0:45:10.320
<v Speaker 2>and so it becomes hard to care about anybody else's feelings.

0:45:10.640 --> 0:45:12.600
<v Speaker 2>And so when I'm hearing you talk about the compassion

0:45:12.719 --> 0:45:15.799
<v Speaker 2>and like just being self aware, it's so true that

0:45:16.120 --> 0:45:19.440
<v Speaker 2>I keep saying this, like I'm the compassion first has

0:45:19.480 --> 0:45:21.439
<v Speaker 2>to begin with you, or she won't even be able

0:45:21.440 --> 0:45:23.600
<v Speaker 2>to identify when you're not being compassionate to somebody else

0:45:23.640 --> 0:45:26.120
<v Speaker 2>because you're fucking numb. And I've done it, you know,

0:45:26.280 --> 0:45:29.319
<v Speaker 2>like a lot. And it's and I'm happy you said.

0:45:29.320 --> 0:45:31.600
<v Speaker 2>The childhood thing is because when you grow up in

0:45:31.640 --> 0:45:34.200
<v Speaker 2>those you know, most of us have because most parents

0:45:34.239 --> 0:45:36.920
<v Speaker 2>are taught to keep your kids in line, that you

0:45:37.000 --> 0:45:41.680
<v Speaker 2>don't really have the tools in adulthood to to feel

0:45:41.840 --> 0:45:44.960
<v Speaker 2>or to speak, or to rage or to like have

0:45:45.080 --> 0:45:47.799
<v Speaker 2>extreme joy. And he almost feels guilty, you know, like

0:45:47.840 --> 0:45:49.920
<v Speaker 2>this this feels too good to be true or too safe,

0:45:50.200 --> 0:45:53.800
<v Speaker 2>and it's difficult, you know, and I think more people

0:45:54.000 --> 0:45:55.799
<v Speaker 2>have to hear that. It's like you really you have

0:45:55.880 --> 0:45:59.040
<v Speaker 2>to move that energy in your body like you have to,

0:45:59.360 --> 0:46:02.640
<v Speaker 2>you know, and like that's even sexually, it's even physical pleasure.

0:46:03.000 --> 0:46:07.600
<v Speaker 6>Yes, you know, that was just so powerfully said, so

0:46:07.600 --> 0:46:12.880
<v Speaker 6>so powerfully said. And like the piece about numbness, I

0:46:12.920 --> 0:46:17.279
<v Speaker 6>think so many women confuse being numb with being the

0:46:17.280 --> 0:46:21.280
<v Speaker 6>bigger person, being numb with being stoic.

0:46:21.880 --> 0:46:22.080
<v Speaker 4>You know.

0:46:22.160 --> 0:46:25.320
<v Speaker 6>It's like we can be like, oh, I'm above that,

0:46:26.400 --> 0:46:27.279
<v Speaker 6>you're strong.

0:46:27.080 --> 0:46:30.400
<v Speaker 2>Or like there's this toxic positivity syndrome where it's like

0:46:30.600 --> 0:46:32.160
<v Speaker 2>I'm not going to feed into that, like I'm just

0:46:32.160 --> 0:46:34.040
<v Speaker 2>so positive. It's like no, but you're not positive. You're

0:46:34.080 --> 0:46:36.799
<v Speaker 2>just not feeling shit. You're just numb the fuck out.

0:46:37.120 --> 0:46:37.319
<v Speaker 6>You know.

0:46:37.360 --> 0:46:39.359
<v Speaker 2>You're like I'm happy, I'm good, everything's good. No, I'm fine,

0:46:39.440 --> 0:46:39.799
<v Speaker 2>I'm fine.

0:46:39.880 --> 0:46:40.239
<v Speaker 4>I'm sure.

0:46:40.280 --> 0:46:41.440
<v Speaker 2>No, I'm sure, I'm fine.

0:46:41.600 --> 0:46:41.799
<v Speaker 6>You know.

0:46:41.880 --> 0:46:43.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, as women, we do that a lot, a

0:46:43.520 --> 0:46:45.640
<v Speaker 2>lot is put on our plate. But it's like, when

0:46:45.640 --> 0:46:48.160
<v Speaker 2>you're not fine, you have to say you're not fine

0:46:48.239 --> 0:46:50.160
<v Speaker 2>or else you'll start to believe that you're fine and

0:46:50.160 --> 0:46:52.319
<v Speaker 2>then you won't even know when you're not. And I've

0:46:52.360 --> 0:46:54.680
<v Speaker 2>done that, I've just been dead and like I'm fine,

0:46:54.800 --> 0:46:56.400
<v Speaker 2>Like no, bitch, you're not. But you don't even you

0:46:56.440 --> 0:46:58.959
<v Speaker 2>can't even recognize that you're not fine because you can't

0:46:59.000 --> 0:47:01.600
<v Speaker 2>feel shit, you know, because you're so used to saying

0:47:01.600 --> 0:47:04.400
<v Speaker 2>everything's the fuck okay, And so someone disrespecting you or

0:47:04.440 --> 0:47:08.600
<v Speaker 2>someone hurting you literally feels like nothing because you've strained

0:47:08.600 --> 0:47:11.480
<v Speaker 2>yourself to not feel shit to protect and a lot

0:47:11.480 --> 0:47:13.799
<v Speaker 2>of times it's a defense mechanism. But we have to

0:47:13.960 --> 0:47:17.520
<v Speaker 2>find our place ourselves in safe places to disarm ourselves

0:47:17.560 --> 0:47:20.520
<v Speaker 2>and regulate our nervous systems so that we're not we're

0:47:20.560 --> 0:47:24.440
<v Speaker 2>not like react, we're not at like acting from a

0:47:24.480 --> 0:47:30.920
<v Speaker 2>place of nothingness. You know. It's crazy, yeah, God, And.

0:47:31.320 --> 0:47:34.960
<v Speaker 6>We have to do doing the work of the sacred rage.

0:47:35.000 --> 0:47:38.040
<v Speaker 6>Doing the work of feeling makes space for the joy too,

0:47:38.520 --> 0:47:42.959
<v Speaker 6>because life is one hundred percent always going to be

0:47:43.280 --> 0:47:47.400
<v Speaker 6>teetering between grief and joy one hundred percent of the time.

0:47:47.760 --> 0:47:49.920
<v Speaker 6>You don't do all this work and then arrive at

0:47:49.920 --> 0:47:54.319
<v Speaker 6>your perfect life. Life changes, life transforms. But we're never

0:47:54.520 --> 0:47:58.080
<v Speaker 6>gonna not be disappointed by something. We're never gonna not

0:47:58.200 --> 0:48:00.560
<v Speaker 6>be kind of poked and prodded or some out you know,

0:48:00.800 --> 0:48:03.960
<v Speaker 6>potentially injured by things that happen in the world, even

0:48:04.000 --> 0:48:07.440
<v Speaker 6>if it's just observationally. So it's like making peace with

0:48:07.520 --> 0:48:12.799
<v Speaker 6>the fact that, yes, this world is imperfect, but I'm

0:48:12.840 --> 0:48:16.160
<v Speaker 6>gonna let myself feel joy when it's present instead of

0:48:16.200 --> 0:48:18.799
<v Speaker 6>being scared of it. I'm gonna build my tolerance to

0:48:18.880 --> 0:48:21.040
<v Speaker 6>it instead of being scared. They're like, no, no, no,

0:48:21.040 --> 0:48:22.840
<v Speaker 6>I don't want to let myself get happy or excited

0:48:22.880 --> 0:48:25.439
<v Speaker 6>because then it's gonna go wrong or the other shoe

0:48:25.480 --> 0:48:28.360
<v Speaker 6>is gonna drop. Right, yeesh, it is gonna go wrong.

0:48:28.520 --> 0:48:30.640
<v Speaker 6>Let's be real, like, yes it is.

0:48:30.520 --> 0:48:32.960
<v Speaker 2>But anticipating that you're not gonna.

0:48:32.680 --> 0:48:37.200
<v Speaker 6>Feel the joy while it's there because be sure you're

0:48:37.239 --> 0:48:41.080
<v Speaker 6>gonna feel pain again, So feel the joy too, because

0:48:41.120 --> 0:48:44.719
<v Speaker 6>that's what allows our life to be quote unquote balanced.

0:48:44.719 --> 0:48:48.520
<v Speaker 6>That's where the harmony comes from. Don't don't commit to

0:48:48.640 --> 0:48:52.960
<v Speaker 6>living in one extreme and not gift yourself the opportunity

0:48:53.000 --> 0:48:55.040
<v Speaker 6>to feel the other moved through your body.

0:48:56.160 --> 0:49:00.919
<v Speaker 2>Honestly that that's It's some powerful shit. And I'm sad

0:49:00.920 --> 0:49:03.759
<v Speaker 2>it's taking me thirty five years to fucking realize, Like, bitch,

0:49:03.800 --> 0:49:05.160
<v Speaker 2>you can't numb yourself out.

0:49:06.320 --> 0:49:08.760
<v Speaker 6>But I'm just saying thirty five years is nothing.

0:49:08.840 --> 0:49:09.040
<v Speaker 1>I know.

0:49:09.320 --> 0:49:11.080
<v Speaker 2>I've been telling myself that lately. I'm like, sometimes I

0:49:11.120 --> 0:49:12.719
<v Speaker 2>fuck up that I'm like, you know, I haven't looked

0:49:12.719 --> 0:49:15.040
<v Speaker 2>back at this shit fifty years at fifty and be like, bitch,

0:49:15.120 --> 0:49:16.200
<v Speaker 2>you were twelve.

0:49:16.560 --> 0:49:20.520
<v Speaker 6>Every ancestor went to their grave without these awarenesses or

0:49:20.560 --> 0:49:21.200
<v Speaker 6>the opportunity.

0:49:21.280 --> 0:49:21.520
<v Speaker 3>Wow.

0:49:21.680 --> 0:49:24.279
<v Speaker 2>So how or like we're just in time, like even

0:49:24.320 --> 0:49:25.680
<v Speaker 2>more in time than we'd ever think of.

0:49:25.880 --> 0:49:29.600
<v Speaker 3>And I'm thinking about sacred rage and how we actually

0:49:29.640 --> 0:49:29.960
<v Speaker 3>do this.

0:49:30.360 --> 0:49:31.600
<v Speaker 2>It retreats, you.

0:49:31.560 --> 0:49:33.799
<v Speaker 3>Know, like I didn't have a term for it, but

0:49:34.000 --> 0:49:37.080
<v Speaker 3>we have a practice that we do with our group

0:49:37.160 --> 0:49:42.839
<v Speaker 3>where we act like they actively women need permission to

0:49:42.920 --> 0:49:45.600
<v Speaker 3>do it, Like I actually have to show them that

0:49:45.680 --> 0:49:47.880
<v Speaker 3>it's okay for you to scream, like you can scream

0:49:48.040 --> 0:49:51.640
<v Speaker 3>no otherwise. Yeah, And it's so crazy the things that

0:49:51.719 --> 0:49:53.560
<v Speaker 3>come up. And then at the end of it, all

0:49:53.640 --> 0:49:56.040
<v Speaker 3>the space in your body that you have because you

0:49:56.120 --> 0:49:59.719
<v Speaker 3>haven't given yourself this space And it's so crazy. Randomly,

0:50:00.080 --> 0:50:02.040
<v Speaker 3>a random moment I had the other night, I was

0:50:02.040 --> 0:50:08.719
<v Speaker 3>masturbating and and I had this like release and it

0:50:08.800 --> 0:50:13.440
<v Speaker 3>was like this I could feel energy passing through my

0:50:13.520 --> 0:50:17.000
<v Speaker 3>body and my at the my fingertips were numb, and

0:50:17.040 --> 0:50:19.239
<v Speaker 3>my feet and I just I had to do this

0:50:19.760 --> 0:50:22.360
<v Speaker 3>for like five minutes. I've never had anything like happen

0:50:22.440 --> 0:50:24.920
<v Speaker 3>like that. And I use masturbation as ritual too, like

0:50:24.960 --> 0:50:29.000
<v Speaker 3>I use it for manifesting, I use it for pissed off,

0:50:29.160 --> 0:50:31.880
<v Speaker 3>balance control, I use it whenever, morny, whatever, all the

0:50:31.920 --> 0:50:35.360
<v Speaker 3>different things. But this one in particular, the reason I

0:50:35.440 --> 0:50:37.239
<v Speaker 3>was using it was because I was on edge and

0:50:37.280 --> 0:50:39.400
<v Speaker 3>I was like, I have got to get out of

0:50:39.440 --> 0:50:41.719
<v Speaker 3>my body and out of my head, into my actually,

0:50:41.760 --> 0:50:43.040
<v Speaker 3>I have to get into my body and out of

0:50:43.040 --> 0:50:45.960
<v Speaker 3>my head. And when I did, I had this like

0:50:46.320 --> 0:50:50.520
<v Speaker 3>it was I felt like literal energy coming out, and

0:50:50.560 --> 0:50:53.200
<v Speaker 3>it was like I needed to like shake it, shake it,

0:50:53.239 --> 0:50:53.640
<v Speaker 3>shake it.

0:50:53.719 --> 0:50:55.560
<v Speaker 4>It was something I never experienced before.

0:50:56.120 --> 0:50:58.360
<v Speaker 3>And when I was when it was finally out of me,

0:50:59.400 --> 0:51:02.560
<v Speaker 3>it was like, oh something left me. Yeah, something, I

0:51:02.640 --> 0:51:04.640
<v Speaker 3>made space for something, and.

0:51:04.680 --> 0:51:09.400
<v Speaker 6>Oh my okay. First of all epic. Secondly, like that's

0:51:09.440 --> 0:51:14.200
<v Speaker 6>the part that I hope everyone takes away. The work

0:51:14.480 --> 0:51:18.560
<v Speaker 6>is not as arduous and as grueling and as hard

0:51:18.719 --> 0:51:21.480
<v Speaker 6>as we think it is when we're avoiding it, because

0:51:21.480 --> 0:51:25.560
<v Speaker 6>sometimes it really is as simple as let yourself feel

0:51:25.560 --> 0:51:26.440
<v Speaker 6>all of it. Once.

0:51:26.840 --> 0:51:27.399
<v Speaker 4>It's great.

0:51:27.560 --> 0:51:31.400
<v Speaker 6>Once it might only take an hour and then it's gone.

0:51:31.520 --> 0:51:34.760
<v Speaker 6>And a lot of the times it's gone for good,

0:51:35.000 --> 0:51:37.960
<v Speaker 6>like it clicks out, and then if you do revisit

0:51:38.120 --> 0:51:41.440
<v Speaker 6>whatever it is, you can revisit it in a neutrality.

0:51:41.560 --> 0:51:44.600
<v Speaker 6>When you're in neutrality, it lets you be curious. When

0:51:44.600 --> 0:51:48.600
<v Speaker 6>you're curious, you create new patterns within yourself that lead

0:51:48.680 --> 0:51:53.040
<v Speaker 6>to lasting change.

0:51:51.400 --> 0:51:53.640
<v Speaker 2>You know. And I really I'm happy that you said that,

0:51:53.760 --> 0:51:56.440
<v Speaker 2>Like I realize we've spent a lot of time together,

0:51:56.680 --> 0:52:00.440
<v Speaker 2>and we have. We've spent all of our thirties together,

0:52:00.960 --> 0:52:03.279
<v Speaker 2>and I'm not saying that I'm twenty seven. All of

0:52:03.320 --> 0:52:10.160
<v Speaker 2>our twenties together and deeply, deeply intertwined, deeply aligned, deeply

0:52:10.360 --> 0:52:13.000
<v Speaker 2>as mirrors to each other. And I've really seen and

0:52:13.080 --> 0:52:16.040
<v Speaker 2>more than that, felt a lot of the changes and

0:52:16.080 --> 0:52:18.400
<v Speaker 2>shifts that you've made, especially this year, and we have

0:52:18.560 --> 0:52:21.040
<v Speaker 2>both for each other, witnessed a lot of transformations and

0:52:21.080 --> 0:52:24.120
<v Speaker 2>a lot of evolutions, and we've really assisted in that,

0:52:24.160 --> 0:52:27.600
<v Speaker 2>even if we haven't realized it, the evolving of like

0:52:27.640 --> 0:52:29.760
<v Speaker 2>the women that we are today. And I just today

0:52:29.840 --> 0:52:31.880
<v Speaker 2>is your birthday, and I just want to remind you

0:52:31.960 --> 0:52:34.760
<v Speaker 2>of like the woman that you've become in the last

0:52:34.920 --> 0:52:38.000
<v Speaker 2>you know, six years, five years that I've witnessed you

0:52:38.040 --> 0:52:41.080
<v Speaker 2>grow into and like watch you embrace these ebbs and

0:52:41.160 --> 0:52:44.319
<v Speaker 2>flows and even when shit has been difficult, and you know,

0:52:44.560 --> 0:52:47.840
<v Speaker 2>I've seen the grace that you've you know, you've given

0:52:47.840 --> 0:52:50.880
<v Speaker 2>others in yourself, and just the to bear witness to

0:52:51.880 --> 0:52:57.120
<v Speaker 2>the blossoming and the cocoon and the uncocooning of the

0:52:57.160 --> 0:52:59.880
<v Speaker 2>woman that you are has been really, really, really beautiful.

0:53:00.080 --> 0:53:02.080
<v Speaker 2>And I'm proud of you. And I know this has

0:53:02.120 --> 0:53:03.920
<v Speaker 2>been a tough year for you, and I know it's

0:53:03.960 --> 0:53:06.520
<v Speaker 2>been an extremely successful year for you too, And I

0:53:06.560 --> 0:53:09.440
<v Speaker 2>know it's been a lot of ups and downs, and

0:53:09.560 --> 0:53:12.800
<v Speaker 2>I think that's difficult as women. We're experiencing really grand

0:53:12.880 --> 0:53:17.480
<v Speaker 2>things alongside things that are like disheartening and sad, and

0:53:17.520 --> 0:53:20.640
<v Speaker 2>I know it's a weird place to be sometimes. But

0:53:21.760 --> 0:53:24.920
<v Speaker 2>it is your birthday, so I got you a little surprise,

0:53:25.120 --> 0:53:26.600
<v Speaker 2>and I just want to tell you that I love

0:53:26.600 --> 0:53:28.560
<v Speaker 2>you so much. I love you too, and I'm very

0:53:28.600 --> 0:53:31.200
<v Speaker 2>proud of you and the woman that you've become and

0:53:31.239 --> 0:53:34.440
<v Speaker 2>that I've gotten to witness and you witnessing yourself do

0:53:34.560 --> 0:53:38.000
<v Speaker 2>the work and just being self aware and saying, you

0:53:38.000 --> 0:53:39.600
<v Speaker 2>know what, I'm going to let this go and I'm

0:53:39.640 --> 0:53:40.920
<v Speaker 2>going to pick this up and I'm going to do

0:53:40.960 --> 0:53:43.839
<v Speaker 2>this work and just you know, allowing yourself to do

0:53:43.880 --> 0:53:46.080
<v Speaker 2>that has been very beautiful. So you just wait here.

0:53:46.080 --> 0:53:47.200
<v Speaker 2>I'll be right back. Thank you.

0:53:49.320 --> 0:53:53.040
<v Speaker 4>Happy birthday. I love you, thank you, thank you.

0:53:53.920 --> 0:53:55.640
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, you've had such an amazing year.

0:53:55.760 --> 0:54:00.279
<v Speaker 7>Wow birthday too you.

0:54:01.560 --> 0:54:04.560
<v Speaker 2>Happy birthday to you.

0:54:05.680 --> 0:54:12.399
<v Speaker 3>Happy birthday, dear Erica Dee, birthday.

0:54:11.880 --> 0:54:18.960
<v Speaker 7>To hm hmmm that was the white version, but happy

0:54:19.320 --> 0:54:29.719
<v Speaker 7>birthday to yeah, h birthday to yeah, Happy birthday, thank you.

0:54:33.480 --> 0:54:44.319
<v Speaker 4>Mm hmmm, A love I love you, thank you.

0:54:44.640 --> 0:54:48.560
<v Speaker 2>I wonder what the like the ritualistic candle means no one?

0:54:48.760 --> 0:54:50.880
<v Speaker 2>I wonder, like, why do we blow out candles on

0:54:50.960 --> 0:54:51.319
<v Speaker 2>the cake?

0:54:52.520 --> 0:54:55.080
<v Speaker 6>I know it's interesting because actually in ritual they say,

0:54:55.360 --> 0:54:58.640
<v Speaker 6>you know, not to ever put out fire with your breath.

0:54:58.719 --> 0:55:00.719
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, they say that like put it with your Yeah.

0:55:00.880 --> 0:55:02.200
<v Speaker 4>Wow, fucked up?

0:55:03.400 --> 0:55:05.439
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god. I wonder.

0:55:05.600 --> 0:55:08.439
<v Speaker 6>I wonder if you know what I I just found

0:55:08.480 --> 0:55:13.000
<v Speaker 6>out recently from one of my my amazing teachers in

0:55:13.200 --> 0:55:17.160
<v Speaker 6>Vedic philosophy and astrology. He was sharing that there are

0:55:17.280 --> 0:55:22.160
<v Speaker 6>Vedic mantras that you use before prayer that are specifically

0:55:22.440 --> 0:55:25.680
<v Speaker 6>prayers about how you're gonna get it wrong. So it's

0:55:25.719 --> 0:55:27.960
<v Speaker 6>like if I mispronounce any words. If I do any

0:55:28.040 --> 0:55:31.600
<v Speaker 6>part of this ritual incorrectly, please forgive me in advance

0:55:31.760 --> 0:55:35.200
<v Speaker 6>and take my intention so that it's done correctly, and

0:55:35.280 --> 0:55:36.720
<v Speaker 6>so like, Yeah, so are you fine?

0:55:36.760 --> 0:55:42.480
<v Speaker 4>Okay? Cool, commented with all all the best intentions. So

0:55:42.560 --> 0:55:43.800
<v Speaker 4>thank you, You're welcome.

0:55:43.840 --> 0:55:45.799
<v Speaker 2>I love. I'm very happy to spend this birthday with

0:55:45.880 --> 0:55:47.399
<v Speaker 2>you for another year.

0:55:47.640 --> 0:55:51.040
<v Speaker 4>Thank you, Debbie. Do you have an affirmation for us? Maybe?

0:55:51.120 --> 0:55:51.400
<v Speaker 4>Or for me?

0:55:51.840 --> 0:55:52.080
<v Speaker 2>Yes?

0:55:53.040 --> 0:55:54.480
<v Speaker 4>For me, have a birthday affirmation.

0:55:55.440 --> 0:55:58.160
<v Speaker 6>I'm really excited to share this affirmation with you because

0:55:58.200 --> 0:56:02.960
<v Speaker 6>it has created miraculous energy in my life. It's like

0:56:03.280 --> 0:56:07.839
<v Speaker 6>shifted so much. And I say it especially anytime I'm

0:56:07.880 --> 0:56:10.600
<v Speaker 6>in a crowded space or I need help or really

0:56:10.600 --> 0:56:15.000
<v Speaker 6>to start my day. But I created this affirmation a

0:56:15.000 --> 0:56:21.160
<v Speaker 6>couple of years ago, and it is I accept no

0:56:21.840 --> 0:56:29.560
<v Speaker 6>start over. I attract experience and receive the highest version

0:56:30.000 --> 0:56:32.080
<v Speaker 6>of every being whom I encounter.

0:56:33.560 --> 0:56:40.000
<v Speaker 3>I attract experience and receive the highest version of every

0:56:40.160 --> 0:56:41.880
<v Speaker 3>being encounter.

0:56:42.640 --> 0:56:46.160
<v Speaker 6>Yeah. The way that that's worked in my life is,

0:56:46.600 --> 0:56:49.640
<v Speaker 6>you know, when you do the work right. We still

0:56:49.680 --> 0:56:51.600
<v Speaker 6>live in a world of everyone else who may not

0:56:51.719 --> 0:56:55.759
<v Speaker 6>have or people at different places in their process and

0:56:56.520 --> 0:56:59.680
<v Speaker 6>I found that one that affirmation extends a lot of

0:56:59.719 --> 0:57:02.920
<v Speaker 6>great from my heart outwardly for people in their process,

0:57:04.000 --> 0:57:08.800
<v Speaker 6>but it also has miraculously kind of transform my experiences

0:57:08.840 --> 0:57:11.440
<v Speaker 6>that I don't know who the person may be to

0:57:11.480 --> 0:57:14.479
<v Speaker 6>anybody else or who they are the rest of their day,

0:57:14.920 --> 0:57:18.440
<v Speaker 6>but when they're in front of me, I'm always experiencing

0:57:18.600 --> 0:57:21.840
<v Speaker 6>the best of who that person can be. And I've

0:57:21.920 --> 0:57:24.720
<v Speaker 6>used that at airports, like literally where there's two hundred

0:57:24.720 --> 0:57:26.680
<v Speaker 6>people stranded standing outside and I'm.

0:57:26.520 --> 0:57:29.040
<v Speaker 3>Like, man, curse everyone else out.

0:57:29.160 --> 0:57:30.920
<v Speaker 4>Or when she got to you, she was kind.

0:57:31.000 --> 0:57:33.200
<v Speaker 6>Literally like, you know what, come on, I'm gonna take

0:57:33.200 --> 0:57:36.120
<v Speaker 6>you the secret way lest go. So like I started

0:57:36.160 --> 0:57:39.160
<v Speaker 6>having all those kind of experiences. So it's worked beautifully

0:57:39.200 --> 0:57:43.360
<v Speaker 6>in my life. I think it helps us really open

0:57:43.400 --> 0:57:46.840
<v Speaker 6>our hearts to the belief that there can be good

0:57:46.840 --> 0:57:49.360
<v Speaker 6>outcomes even in the most stressful environments.

0:57:49.960 --> 0:57:52.240
<v Speaker 2>I commend that because as you know, as we do

0:57:52.280 --> 0:57:55.360
<v Speaker 2>the work, and it becomes much more challenging to experience

0:57:55.440 --> 0:57:59.920
<v Speaker 2>people who who haven't or are not aware or you know,

0:58:00.240 --> 0:58:02.360
<v Speaker 2>it's just it becomes more challenging, and then you're like,

0:58:02.400 --> 0:58:04.200
<v Speaker 2>what the fuck God, And then you can go into

0:58:04.240 --> 0:58:06.200
<v Speaker 2>that realm where you're like, I'm above all the shit,

0:58:06.440 --> 0:58:09.720
<v Speaker 2>including all you know, it's easy to go into ego

0:58:09.760 --> 0:58:13.120
<v Speaker 2>when you experience people, yes, to separate yourself, but the

0:58:13.120 --> 0:58:15.320
<v Speaker 2>truth is we're all human, and we're all like mirrors

0:58:15.400 --> 0:58:17.560
<v Speaker 2>to each other, and we're all different versions of ourselves

0:58:17.600 --> 0:58:19.840
<v Speaker 2>at different times, and like it gives you, you know,

0:58:20.080 --> 0:58:23.360
<v Speaker 2>they have compassion for people who are just like ignorant

0:58:23.400 --> 0:58:26.040
<v Speaker 2>and they're bliss and their ignorance, and you know, sometimes

0:58:26.120 --> 0:58:29.720
<v Speaker 2>that's for the safety of everyone, but also just preparing

0:58:29.720 --> 0:58:33.200
<v Speaker 2>yourself to know and give compassion for experiencing people who

0:58:33.240 --> 0:58:35.000
<v Speaker 2>are not the same place that you are, and then

0:58:35.320 --> 0:58:39.320
<v Speaker 2>feeling okay with having that discriminative awareness to allow those

0:58:39.360 --> 0:58:42.360
<v Speaker 2>people to flow out and know that that's energy that

0:58:42.400 --> 0:58:44.919
<v Speaker 2>you cannot hold on to and that you cannot keep,

0:58:44.960 --> 0:58:47.240
<v Speaker 2>and that your purpose is so much bigger in this

0:58:47.360 --> 0:58:49.920
<v Speaker 2>life or your purpose is this, and that purpose and

0:58:49.960 --> 0:58:51.880
<v Speaker 2>that lesson is that and in order for you to

0:58:51.920 --> 0:58:54.800
<v Speaker 2>fulfill your purpose, you have to release those people. And

0:58:54.920 --> 0:58:57.240
<v Speaker 2>not in a negative where I'm higher or better than

0:58:57.280 --> 0:58:58.840
<v Speaker 2>you weigh, but just for me to do what I

0:58:58.880 --> 0:59:01.400
<v Speaker 2>need to do, I got to exit left hell.

0:59:01.480 --> 0:59:05.480
<v Speaker 3>Yes, well, before we get out of here because they

0:59:05.480 --> 0:59:11.000
<v Speaker 3>gotta go. You pulled the nine swords, So I don't

0:59:11.040 --> 0:59:12.960
<v Speaker 3>do you do you want to speak to this how

0:59:12.960 --> 0:59:15.120
<v Speaker 3>this translates to you?

0:59:15.360 --> 0:59:17.920
<v Speaker 4>Or I can? I can just read it? Okay?

0:59:17.960 --> 0:59:20.520
<v Speaker 6>All right, Well let's not I don't. I don't know

0:59:20.520 --> 0:59:22.480
<v Speaker 6>if this was a card for me personally or if

0:59:22.520 --> 0:59:25.560
<v Speaker 6>it's for the collective. Okay, could so either I don't

0:59:25.560 --> 0:59:27.560
<v Speaker 6>know whether I'll accept and receive this or not.

0:59:28.320 --> 0:59:30.480
<v Speaker 4>You don't have to, okay.

0:59:30.560 --> 0:59:37.160
<v Speaker 3>So reversed inner turmoil, deep seated fears, secrets, releasing worry.

0:59:38.640 --> 0:59:40.960
<v Speaker 3>So the Nine of Swords reverse shows that you are

0:59:41.000 --> 0:59:44.360
<v Speaker 3>experiencing deep inner turmoil as a result of your mindset.

0:59:44.640 --> 0:59:47.080
<v Speaker 3>Your negative thoughts are taking you in a downward spiral

0:59:47.120 --> 0:59:50.440
<v Speaker 3>of despair and anxiety that contradicts reality. You are making

0:59:50.480 --> 0:59:53.240
<v Speaker 3>things feel much worse than they really are. You may

0:59:53.280 --> 0:59:55.320
<v Speaker 3>try to keep your worries private and personal to you,

0:59:55.640 --> 0:59:57.560
<v Speaker 3>but if you are struggling to keep your head above water,

0:59:57.640 --> 0:59:59.760
<v Speaker 3>it may now be time to confide in others and

0:59:59.800 --> 1:00:02.520
<v Speaker 3>see their help and support. Others will offer you a

1:00:02.560 --> 1:00:05.080
<v Speaker 3>new perspective or even just a place to vent that

1:00:05.160 --> 1:00:08.000
<v Speaker 3>will ease some of the stress and tension. The reverse

1:00:08.080 --> 1:00:09.720
<v Speaker 3>nine of Swords can also point out that you are

1:00:09.760 --> 1:00:13.040
<v Speaker 3>incredibly hard on yourself, putting yourself down, or engaging in

1:00:13.080 --> 1:00:16.080
<v Speaker 3>negative self talk. So when the Nine of Swords reversed

1:00:16.080 --> 1:00:18.680
<v Speaker 3>appears in a reading, ask yourself, why are you so

1:00:18.760 --> 1:00:21.280
<v Speaker 3>hard on yourself? How are you putting yourself down? And

1:00:21.320 --> 1:00:23.920
<v Speaker 3>what is the source of your depression? What can you

1:00:23.920 --> 1:00:27.080
<v Speaker 3>do to make yourself feel better? On a more positive note,

1:00:27.280 --> 1:00:29.560
<v Speaker 3>the Nine of Swords reverse can show that you have

1:00:29.640 --> 1:00:32.000
<v Speaker 3>already worked through this period of worry and depression and

1:00:32.040 --> 1:00:34.560
<v Speaker 3>are making a recovery. You may have come to a

1:00:34.560 --> 1:00:36.560
<v Speaker 3>realization that things are not as bad as you made

1:00:36.560 --> 1:00:38.760
<v Speaker 3>them out to be, and you are beginning to relax

1:00:38.840 --> 1:00:42.680
<v Speaker 3>and calm yourself about what was once a terrifying situation.

1:00:45.320 --> 1:00:48.840
<v Speaker 6>That doesn't feel resonant for me, I think if I

1:00:48.880 --> 1:00:51.760
<v Speaker 6>think of turmoil. Something I shared with you before we

1:00:51.840 --> 1:00:55.200
<v Speaker 6>walked in here is my travel schedule for work is nuts.

1:00:55.280 --> 1:00:57.560
<v Speaker 6>And so definitely today I was in a lot of

1:00:57.600 --> 1:00:59.560
<v Speaker 6>stress of like, wow, you're going to be gone most

1:00:59.560 --> 1:01:02.920
<v Speaker 6>of Novema, okay, and then how do we do this?

1:01:03.000 --> 1:01:06.600
<v Speaker 6>And just kind of thinking about the process of being

1:01:06.640 --> 1:01:10.760
<v Speaker 6>a mom and doing that much. But yeah, I feel

1:01:10.840 --> 1:01:14.240
<v Speaker 6>really in my life and in my process, I feel

1:01:14.360 --> 1:01:21.000
<v Speaker 6>clearer than I've ever felt, and I feel more an

1:01:21.040 --> 1:01:25.000
<v Speaker 6>acceptance of in grace with and in flow with my

1:01:25.080 --> 1:01:27.840
<v Speaker 6>life than I think i've ever been beautiful.

1:01:28.360 --> 1:01:30.000
<v Speaker 3>Well, maybe this card if it's not for you, but

1:01:30.080 --> 1:01:32.280
<v Speaker 3>maybe if maybe it could be about my travel is

1:01:32.320 --> 1:01:34.480
<v Speaker 3>that it's not going to be as bad as Yeah,

1:01:35.360 --> 1:01:36.240
<v Speaker 3>it's gonna be good.

1:01:36.280 --> 1:01:37.240
<v Speaker 4>It's going to be easeful.

1:01:37.680 --> 1:01:39.840
<v Speaker 3>Baby boy is going to be taken care of just fine,

1:01:40.120 --> 1:01:43.040
<v Speaker 3>and you're going to go through have amazing encounters with

1:01:43.160 --> 1:01:46.080
<v Speaker 3>people and experiences in your travels that are going to

1:01:46.120 --> 1:01:48.680
<v Speaker 3>be really necessary to keep you in flow of what

1:01:48.720 --> 1:01:52.200
<v Speaker 3>you're doing. Always, So thank you well, Debbie, it's always

1:01:52.200 --> 1:01:54.840
<v Speaker 3>wonderful to have you on. If you guys haven't listened

1:01:54.880 --> 1:01:57.000
<v Speaker 3>to Debbie's episode, we have an episode we did I

1:01:57.000 --> 1:01:58.040
<v Speaker 3>think like almost.

1:01:57.680 --> 1:02:00.000
<v Speaker 4>Two years ago. It was called Healing Your Inner.

1:02:00.440 --> 1:02:02.120
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, we have one almost years ago with Debbie and

1:02:02.160 --> 1:02:06.280
<v Speaker 2>then we're on her show last week. Yes, go check

1:02:06.360 --> 1:02:11.000
<v Speaker 2>us out over there. Debbie's always dropping the spiritual gems.

1:02:11.120 --> 1:02:13.400
<v Speaker 2>I love you. I'm always grateful to see you and

1:02:13.960 --> 1:02:16.120
<v Speaker 2>get to converse, so I appreciate you very much.

1:02:16.360 --> 1:02:17.680
<v Speaker 4>So where can our people find you.

1:02:18.000 --> 1:02:20.360
<v Speaker 6>Thank you both so much. It is always like just

1:02:20.400 --> 1:02:23.240
<v Speaker 6>such a privilege and truly such a joy to be

1:02:23.320 --> 1:02:26.680
<v Speaker 6>in community with both of you, and just like be

1:02:26.760 --> 1:02:30.920
<v Speaker 6>in this flow of our unique journey as women and

1:02:31.440 --> 1:02:34.560
<v Speaker 6>as enlightened beings and as moms. You know, just like

1:02:34.960 --> 1:02:38.560
<v Speaker 6>everything we spoke to on the show today was just

1:02:38.640 --> 1:02:42.400
<v Speaker 6>so deep, and it's just I'm so glad we dove into,

1:02:42.480 --> 1:02:44.760
<v Speaker 6>like all the nuance of what it is to do

1:02:44.840 --> 1:02:47.000
<v Speaker 6>the work and where you find the pains and how

1:02:47.040 --> 1:02:52.000
<v Speaker 6>you let it go. Everyone can, I always say, just

1:02:52.000 --> 1:02:54.200
<v Speaker 6>connect with me on Instagram and click the link in bio.

1:02:54.360 --> 1:02:57.680
<v Speaker 6>It'll link you to my website. I'm the voice of

1:02:57.760 --> 1:03:00.560
<v Speaker 6>daily meditation on the choper apps. You can meditate with

1:03:00.640 --> 1:03:04.800
<v Speaker 6>me three sixty five days a year. I have a

1:03:04.840 --> 1:03:08.520
<v Speaker 6>few hundred meditations I've done on there, and my podcast

1:03:08.600 --> 1:03:12.080
<v Speaker 6>is called Deeply Well. It's all about conversations in higher

1:03:12.120 --> 1:03:16.240
<v Speaker 6>consciousness and self care. And I have a book, Crystal Bliss.

1:03:16.280 --> 1:03:18.480
<v Speaker 6>I have a couple announcements coming in the coming weeks.

1:03:18.480 --> 1:03:22.240
<v Speaker 6>But yeah, at Debbie Brown on my ig and click

1:03:22.240 --> 1:03:23.040
<v Speaker 6>the link in the bio.

1:03:23.560 --> 1:03:27.040
<v Speaker 3>Make sure you check out Debbie, And if you haven't already,

1:03:27.080 --> 1:03:30.240
<v Speaker 3>please rate and review us on Apple Podcasts.

1:03:30.440 --> 1:03:33.000
<v Speaker 4>Subscribe to our YouTube channel. If you're watching right now,

1:03:33.120 --> 1:03:38.960
<v Speaker 4>just click that subscribe button and Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween,

1:03:39.120 --> 1:03:40.080
<v Speaker 4>be safe.

1:03:39.800 --> 1:03:43.240
<v Speaker 3>Put up your ancestor altars and send us your costumes.

1:03:43.440 --> 1:03:46.000
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, we love costumes through the Halloween Queens.

1:03:46.560 --> 1:04:05.960
<v Speaker 4>Bye bye.

1:04:06.440 --> 1:04:11.400
<v Speaker 2>Like this is gonnay Ellen j Solo baa record the

1:04:11.640 --> 1:04:21.760
<v Speaker 2>Las Lashm