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Speaker 1: Happy Birthday, to yeah, by birthday to yeah, happy Birthday,

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Speaker 1: to come back, thank you.

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Speaker 2: Oh your heart. Hi, welcome back to good Mom's Bad Choices.

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Speaker 2: I'm Erica and I'm Mila. Happy Wednesday, Happy Wednesday. Welcome

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Speaker 2: back to make your own magic October.

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Speaker 3: October is my favorite month. And guess what, you guys,

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Speaker 3: it's my birthday.

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Speaker 2: It's a very special day. It's my wife's birthday.

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Speaker 4: I'm twenty seven, she's twenty seven. Wow, I don't know.

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Speaker 4: I feel like twenty seven was a good year for me.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 4: Wait, oh yeah, it was the year I gave birth.

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Speaker 3: It's a very transitional year, and I feel like I'm

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Speaker 3: in a transitional year in my life.

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Speaker 4: So we're going back to the twenty seventh. Okay, Well,

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Speaker 4: I'm with it. If you google me, you'll find out

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Speaker 4: ho old I am. But don't do that shit.

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Speaker 2: If you're twice seven, I'm twenty six, I'm with it.

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Speaker 4: That's true exactly.

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Speaker 2: How I feel? How do you feel today?

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Speaker 4: Like I said, I feel like I'm in a transitional year.

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Speaker 4: I feel good.

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Speaker 3: I feel good. I feel like this year has been

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Speaker 3: very challenging for me. I've had a lot of deep

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Speaker 3: shadow work I've been going through and working through, and

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Speaker 3: things I thought that I had already dealt with have resurfaced,

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Speaker 3: and so I'm kind of in the midst of journeying

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Speaker 3: through that path, but excited to do excited to do

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Speaker 3: the work, and like, honestly, I'm even more grateful too

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Speaker 3: because part of the work is with my dad, and

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Speaker 3: my dad is really on board with participating in that

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Speaker 3: part of the work that I need to do with him.

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Speaker 4: So actually next week, me and him.

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Speaker 3: Have a solo trip planned for the weekend, and I'm

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Speaker 3: fucking nervous as hell. I'm trying not to have expectations,

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Speaker 3: which is really hard, which is the whole thing I'm

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Speaker 3: trying to undo with men. But I am open, I'm open,

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Speaker 3: I'm happy, and I'm grateful to be alive and have

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Speaker 3: been doing this thing here for five and a half years.

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Speaker 5: The whole thirties, the whole oh my god, has been

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Speaker 5: all of my thirties, because I just told her to

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Speaker 5: one whole day, the whole twenties, fuck my whole twenty

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Speaker 5: five four and a half's yeah, yeah, you know, I'm

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Speaker 5: excited for you, and I think sometimes as we're like

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Speaker 5: going into new ages and new stages of our lives. Like,

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Speaker 5: for instance, when we were like going into your thirties,

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Speaker 5: people tell you all the time, my.

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Speaker 2: Thirties are gonna be different. It's gonna be so different,

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Speaker 2: like just like what my their heads so crazy, But

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Speaker 2: you don't really fully understand or grasp that until you

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Speaker 2: do it. So I think after you go through those

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Speaker 2: very pivotal moments when you are going through something that's transitional,

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Speaker 2: like you are right now, that like it brings a

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Speaker 2: little bit more ease because you're like, oh, I've done

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Speaker 2: some I've done some transitional shit before, and at the

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Speaker 2: other side there's this grand thing. But you know, when

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Speaker 2: you get to that part when you're like something's not

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Speaker 2: right here and I have to do some work, it

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Speaker 2: can be difficult. So I'm proud of you, and I'm

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Speaker 2: excited for this year and these changes and that you're

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Speaker 2: embracing them. And I'm excited for your journey with your

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Speaker 2: with your dad and your trip. I think a lot

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Speaker 2: of people don't get the opportunity to identify when they're

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Speaker 2: having like having parts of their lives that they're stuck in,

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Speaker 2: and then even go even deeper to be like, well,

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Speaker 2: this is related to this person, and this person is

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Speaker 2: still here, so let's deal with it. And I realized,

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Speaker 2: like I was just thinking this yesterday. I'm like, this

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Speaker 2: crazy thought came and I'm like, am I close to

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Speaker 2: my parents? Or am I just? Are they my parents?

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Speaker 2: And so there's an assumption of closeness, you know, like

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Speaker 2: when you grow up in the household with someone or not,

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Speaker 2: you know, you're like, so you see them every day,

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Speaker 2: so it feels close. But as we become an adults

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Speaker 2: and we go off into the world and then we

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Speaker 2: go you know, the whole thing is like you have kids,

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Speaker 2: you make your own family, get married, and then you're like,

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Speaker 2: but like, did I talk to these people on a

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Speaker 2: day to day basis like I do my homegirls or

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Speaker 2: my friends. And it kind of scared me, you know,

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Speaker 2: because it's like all these none of the none of

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Speaker 2: us are going to be here permanently, and so what

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Speaker 2: does that look like if you know, like this this

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Speaker 2: idea that there's closeness, but then the reality that maybe

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Speaker 2: it doesn't exist like we think it is, and you

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Speaker 2: know how abrupt the ending of that can be if

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Speaker 2: you're not really working on the relationships actively. So like

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Speaker 2: I'm excited to see, you know how that plays out

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Speaker 2: for you, and like, thank your feedback.

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Speaker 3: I feel very fortunate that I have a parent that

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Speaker 3: wants to do that, because I know that it's there's

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Speaker 3: there's a difference between having a parent that's alive that

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Speaker 3: you want to work through some shit with and they

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Speaker 3: can't even they won't they're not getting to participate or

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Speaker 3: they won't even acknowledge anything, versus a parent that is like,

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Speaker 3: what do you need? How can I how can I

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Speaker 3: help this, how can I help serve view in this way?

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Speaker 3: Or how can I help heal this this thing, this

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Speaker 3: damage that I've done.

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Speaker 2: It also makes me wonder for me, for me as

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Speaker 2: a mom and as a parent, and I think about

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Speaker 2: how I am with my parents right now, and I'm like,

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Speaker 2: what the fuck? Like if if Luna grows up and

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Speaker 2: is thirty five and I'm like speaking to her once

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Speaker 2: a week, I'll be like, what the fuck? You know

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Speaker 2: what I mean? And like how sad that can be

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Speaker 2: for a parent. You know, I think parents are probably

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Speaker 2: more aware of it because they're the parent, whereas we're

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Speaker 2: like at the peak of our lives, just like I

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Speaker 2: gotta work and I got to figure it out where

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Speaker 2: parents are like probably realizing that not that it's coming

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Speaker 2: to an end, but you are getting older, so the

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Speaker 2: mortality of that is more present, and so it's like,

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Speaker 2: you know it probably you know, just like parents feel

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Speaker 2: sadness and your kid goes off to college or gets married,

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Speaker 2: there's this level of losing them or losing that relationship,

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Speaker 2: and I don't know, it's kind of it scares me

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Speaker 2: a little bit, you know. So it is exciting that

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Speaker 2: your dad's willing to do that, and it makes me wonder,

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Speaker 2: like do I need to reminds me of durand asking

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Speaker 2: us this question that we intentionally swept over when he

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Speaker 2: was like, would you be friends with your parents if

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Speaker 2: they weren't your parents? And I was like, ooh, dog,

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Speaker 2: relax with these questions. But you know, it's like yes

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Speaker 2: to your parents, but is there a level of friendship

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Speaker 2: that you have there and are you working to maintain

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Speaker 2: that or you know, even discover if it doesn't exist.

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Speaker 2: So I think that's I think your dad's cool, and

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Speaker 2: I think he's cool like for being open to doing

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Speaker 2: it and he's aware of like what, you know, the

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Speaker 2: relationship you guys have had. So I think that's like

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Speaker 2: super super inspiring.

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Speaker 4: That is a deep question.

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Speaker 3: I want if you're listening, ask yourself that question, because

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Speaker 3: I'm sitting here thinking, like, I know, yes I would.

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Speaker 4: I would be.

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Speaker 3: Friends with my parents now right if you asked me

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Speaker 3: like five years ago, I don't.

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Speaker 4: I don't think so, I don't know. Definitely, I don't know. Sorry, mom.

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Speaker 2: But the other questions we don't generally ask ourselves. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's nice to It's nice when people pose those questions

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Speaker 2: so you can have the opportunity to reflect on it,

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Speaker 2: because a lot of people will just bypass those things

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Speaker 2: and then you'll you have regret. You'll have regret, you know,

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Speaker 2: and it's like we might as well deal with the

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Speaker 2: things that come up in real time so that you're

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Speaker 2: not dealing with it when it's too late.

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Speaker 4: True.

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Speaker 3: Thanks, Well, we have another parent here in the building.

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Speaker 3: We have one of my dear friends and someone that

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Speaker 3: I just admire so much. She is a master wellness educator.

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Speaker 3: She's also the host of Deeply Well podcast. She's a

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Speaker 3: mama to a cutie pilot boy. Debbie Brown. Welcome back

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Speaker 3: to the show.

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Speaker 4: Thank you. I'm so happy to be here with people.

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Speaker 3: I'm so happy to have you.

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Speaker 4: Would you be friends with your parents?

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Speaker 6: M Yes, And you know, I was really relating first

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Speaker 6: of all, that was beautiful, that whole exchange around, because

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Speaker 6: my God, is that complex, I think, I you know, yeah,

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Speaker 6: I think at the place that I am at now

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Speaker 6: at this age with my mom and Jess, especially seeing

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Speaker 6: her be such a phenomenal grandmother to my son, like absolutely,

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Speaker 6: she's a really amazing friend.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, it's I feel like it's a journey.

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Speaker 4: I think.

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Speaker 3: I think for women too, with a relationship with the

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Speaker 3: mom is always a little bit complicated. It's a little murky,

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Speaker 3: and obviously there's so many layers of that, I think

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Speaker 3: because of the time in which our parents grew up

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Speaker 3: in the pressure to be perfect wives or perfect mothers,

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Speaker 3: or and not having the tools also to to self

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Speaker 3: regulate and really know how to.

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Speaker 4: Support their child.

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Speaker 3: Because I think a lot of times too, society paints

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Speaker 3: this version of motherhood as like you give birth to

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Speaker 3: your mini me and it's not that like, and then

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Speaker 3: you're disappointed kind of w or you're frustrated, like why

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Speaker 3: are you acting this way? This is not this is

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Speaker 3: not what I would do, or this is not how

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Speaker 3: I would behave, and so then there's that resistance, at

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Speaker 3: least for me with my mother, Like we are very

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Speaker 3: different people, similar in ways, but different people, and I

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Speaker 3: always felt like there was this like miscommunication of like

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Speaker 3: this is who I am and I'm not going to

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Speaker 3: be that, and it became like this tug of war,

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Speaker 3: and I feel like over the last few years like

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Speaker 3: there's kind of honestly, I think it's good moms.

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Speaker 4: Really that really helped.

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Speaker 3: Heal our relationship because I had to stand ten toes

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Speaker 3: down in what I was doing and because I loved it.

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Speaker 3: I love it so much and I'm so passionate about it,

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Speaker 3: and she didn't understand it, and it caused a lot

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Speaker 3: of turmoil at first in our relationship. And then I said, no,

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Speaker 3: this is what I'm doing. And then obviously now she's

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Speaker 3: seen the growth and you know, the journey, and there's

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Speaker 3: like a level of like I think she respects me

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Speaker 3: as an adult. Finally, I mean, I'll always be her baby,

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Speaker 3: but that has also I think softened her to who

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Speaker 3: I who I was as a younger child and really

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Speaker 3: understanding like the rebellion that I was going through in

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Speaker 3: ways of like this is how I want to dress.

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Speaker 3: This is how I am, Like, I'm not weird about

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Speaker 3: nakedness just because you are, even though like my mom's

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Speaker 3: but as naked in my house every single day.

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Speaker 4: That's just that's why I would always be so confused, like, Mom,

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Speaker 4: you're like the most naked person I know, why are

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Speaker 4: you acting? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: She would be just butt naked all over the place like.

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Speaker 2: Erica and I would be sometimes I would be uncomfortable.

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Speaker 4: I'd be like, Mom, can you just like put some

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Speaker 4: underwear on? Like god damn. She was like wow, shit,

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Speaker 4: Like wow, I can see where I was birthed. The portal.

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Speaker 2: The portal is shining cause.

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Speaker 3: But I think that there's a level of understanding and

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Speaker 3: softness that has I've seen her adopt in the way

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Speaker 3: she communicates with me, like I've seen I don't even

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Speaker 3: know if it was intentional, but I so probably something

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Speaker 3: I need to acknowledge and tell her because even more recently,

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Speaker 3: I've the way she talks to me.

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Speaker 4: On the phone, like, Hi, honey, how are you? Like

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Speaker 4: She's very like, hey, how you doing?

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Speaker 3: Because ITAs before I always felt like, oh god, I'm

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Speaker 3: in trouble, Like what did I not do?

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Speaker 4: What?

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Speaker 2: You know?

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Speaker 3: So, yeah, there's there's definitely been a growth there. So

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Speaker 3: now I definitely would be friends with my mom.

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Speaker 2: It's so interesting, Like I'm hearing you talk, I'm just

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Speaker 2: like thinking about us as a unit, and I'm just thinking, like,

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Speaker 2: you know, our parents did come from a different time

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Speaker 2: and they were experiencing different shit, and like we not

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Speaker 2: surpassing our parents, but spiritually and emotionally absolutely, And I

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Speaker 2: don't know, like I actually want to know like what

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Speaker 2: your background is, and you're like how your spiritual upbringing was,

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Speaker 2: But in my household were there really wasn't a lot,

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Speaker 2: you know, like was like we weren't very religious. In fact,

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Speaker 2: like my dad told me, like Jesus was just like

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Speaker 2: some white man that all the white people told us

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Speaker 2: to believe in and then everyone believed them, and like

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Speaker 2: how people are dumb basically, and like so I wasn't

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Speaker 2: forced into any religion, but I've always been like attracted

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Speaker 2: to like spirituality and the mystics. But I realize that

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Speaker 2: there's this like emotional intelligence that we kind of have

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Speaker 2: kind of been birth into. And I'm sure it's partially

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Speaker 2: the Internet, and I'm thinking it's partially just like the

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Speaker 2: way the world is going that it requires us to

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Speaker 2: be a little bit more tuned. And I think that

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Speaker 2: this generation right here has been given this like extreme

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Speaker 2: blessing responsibility to heal the generations before us. And I

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Speaker 2: see it, like I feel it, and I see it

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Speaker 2: in my kid, and I see it when I see

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Speaker 2: my look at my mom and you know, I've seen

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Speaker 2: her grow in ways and same like shift to what

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Speaker 2: I'm doing and be like okay, like okay, I get

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Speaker 2: it now, but like it's always been a lot of

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Speaker 2: this and I'm a lot of person, so I get it,

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Speaker 2: and I'm very rebellious and I'm very ten tones down

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Speaker 2: and who I am. But even to the like even

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Speaker 2: though I was talking to my dad and he was like,

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Speaker 2: but you know, back in the day, like my parents

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Speaker 2: really didn't tell us we love them. And I asked

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Speaker 2: them about that because their parents didn't tell them they

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Speaker 2: love them, and there was this like disconnect of emotional

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Speaker 2: like emotional vulnerability. And I mean, I think as brown

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Speaker 2: and black people too, when you have a lot of

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Speaker 2: shit to worry about, like survival, there's not a lot

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Speaker 2: of time for like the woo woo shit, and so

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Speaker 2: it's like get the work done, work hard, do this

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Speaker 2: don't fuck around. So I think when they see us

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Speaker 2: and we're like naked, I'm doing this, they're like wait.

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Speaker 4: Like they don't.

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Speaker 2: There's a level of misunderstanding. But I think it's also shifting,

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Speaker 2: shifting generations of like trauma for us, you know, and like,

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Speaker 2: I think it's a it's an interesting thing to watch

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Speaker 2: us being ourselves and then watching our parents kind of

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Speaker 2: like us be the parent and them kind of come

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Speaker 2: out of the the you know, like out of their

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Speaker 2: just like that very stubborn place where they were. And like,

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Speaker 2: I was just thinking about all the tools that we utilize,

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Speaker 2: like the tarot cards and the readings, because I know

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Speaker 2: I've been to your reader through Erica and I had

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Speaker 2: like a I had a uh what did I have?

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Speaker 2: I had a family constellation done, and even for me,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, this is crazy, weird, this is so weird,

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Speaker 2: but I'm still open to it. And I'm like then

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Speaker 2: I have like an hour into it, I'm fucking bawling, crying,

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Speaker 2: standing on pieces of paper. But I mean, I just

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Speaker 2: imagine for like our parents, these are things that they

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Speaker 2: would never be open to, and they'd also be like

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Speaker 2: what the fuck you know what I mean? But us

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Speaker 2: being open to certain like levels of spiritual medicine has

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Speaker 2: really like it's going it's going to change the paradigm

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Speaker 2: for our kids and just being open to that type

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Speaker 2: of stuff. And I'm just like wondering what was the

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Speaker 2: background growing up with your mom and your family and

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Speaker 2: like did they did she encourage it or was it

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Speaker 2: like forbidden or what did that look like?

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Speaker 6: Yeah, well, first, I would love to speak to everything

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Speaker 6: that you just said, because I mean it was just

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Speaker 6: so beautifully unpacked and just so deeply true and some

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Speaker 6: of what you're saying. It's interesting because I think back,

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Speaker 6: you know, when you come into enlightenment, especially if you

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Speaker 6: are a breaker of generational trauma in your family line,

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Speaker 6: or especially if you are an awaken or away shower,

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Speaker 6: which so many of us are in this generation, I

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Speaker 6: think you go through stages with how you relate to

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Speaker 6: your family system. And of course this is dependent on

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Speaker 6: our individual experiences, and some people have a lot of

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Speaker 6: truly unforgivable, big t trauma that happens with their families,

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Speaker 6: so I'm not quite speaking to that, but you go

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Speaker 6: through this phase where you know, it's like at first

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Speaker 6: you're just high on your own shit, because you just

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Speaker 6: think you're so great because you're figuring stuff out and

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Speaker 6: you're breaking these curses and you're doing things differently, and

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Speaker 6: you're having these awarenesses. And then there's a lot of

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Speaker 6: anger that happens towards your family of origin, and sometimes

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Speaker 6: a lot of shaming of them, and a lot of

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Speaker 6: a deep desire to disassociate and disconnect. And then hopefully

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Speaker 6: the farther we get on our journey and the more

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Speaker 6: we soften, there comes a lot of humility. Like in

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Speaker 6: the last few years, I've come into an immense amount

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Speaker 6: of humility, and the way that I was walking around

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Speaker 6: with my awakening and kind of allowing it to make

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Speaker 6: me feel sometimes better then or above. You know, I'm oh,

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Speaker 6: I'm so and I know, and I see how the

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Speaker 6: world works, and I understand because to the point of

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Speaker 6: what you said, yeah, none of this existed for them.

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Speaker 6: You know. It's like we're only a handful of decades

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Speaker 6: removed of women having the right to have bank accounts,

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Speaker 6: of women having universally around the country, like the right

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Speaker 6: to work without permission. And I think something I also

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Speaker 6: have really been fascinated by that I'm studying is like

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Speaker 6: I love to study generations, like dating back a hundred years,

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Speaker 6: like what were people going through in whatever times it was,

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Speaker 6: And I think we are always at the mercy no

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Speaker 6: matter or how pure your heart is, no matter how

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Speaker 6: good your intention, we are always at the mercy of

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Speaker 6: the collective consciousness of the time, which means billions of people.

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Speaker 6: You know, like it influences everything. But I think, you know,

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Speaker 6: as we kind of process our stuff, and for those

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Speaker 6: that are looking to reconnect with their families, you know,

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Speaker 6: I think the thing that we hear a lot is like,

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Speaker 6: you know, they didn't get that either, And have compassion, yes,

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Speaker 6: and have a deep gratitude that you were born in

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Speaker 6: a time that you could connect to this work with

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Speaker 6: so much ease. Granted, no matter what, doing the work

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Speaker 6: is hard, but the fact that you can open up

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Speaker 6: Instagram and read an infographic that explained something that took

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Speaker 6: somebody maybe ten years of therapy to understand. And not

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Speaker 6: only are you understanding it, we're blessed with the fact

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Speaker 6: that the collective now is having new language, is understanding

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Speaker 6: these things. You can slide into conversations like this in

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Speaker 6: a way you never could, you know. So as much

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Speaker 6: as we feel really proud of the work that we're doing,

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Speaker 6: and we should. There also has to be humility with it,

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Speaker 6: because it's not that we're better than the generations that

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Speaker 6: came before us. We just have a completely different set

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Speaker 6: of circumstances and opportunity and space to do this work.

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Speaker 3: I'm thinking about the collect like you're talking about the collective,

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Speaker 3: and I'm thinking about in this time. Yes, there is

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Speaker 3: the luxury, right that we have these things at our fingertips.

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Speaker 3: I have whatuld you call it an infographic that you

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Speaker 3: can break down something super quickly that maybe someone took

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Speaker 3: ten years to figure out. There's also kind of like

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Speaker 3: a privilege in that as well, that, right, I can

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Speaker 3: just kind of like, Okay, got it, So why next?

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Speaker 4: Oh that was cute? Oh took you ten years? Cool?

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Speaker 3: Like how do you view that? Like is that is it?

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Speaker 3: Is it dangerous? Or is it helpful? Like?

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Speaker 4: Where do what? How would you describe the collective right now?

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Speaker 6: I think everything is always both, you know, Like I

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Speaker 6: think in every field that we're in and every paradigm

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Speaker 6: that shifts, like you always have awful, mediocre, good, excellent,

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Speaker 6: you know, And I think that's the same thing for

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Speaker 6: this time and in some ways It is dangerous because

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Speaker 6: a lot of people who don't do the work are

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Speaker 6: getting equipped with language they don't apply or understand, and

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Speaker 6: a lot of people are just memorizing books and memorizing

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Speaker 6: terms and regurgitating. But to actually change oneself, it's a

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Speaker 6: slow process.

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Speaker 4: It takes years.

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Speaker 6: It's not a weekend of vision boarding that can motivate you,

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Speaker 6: but that deeper inspiration that actually allows you to embody

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Speaker 6: new ways of being and change your life. It's a

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Speaker 6: very slow, beautiful unfolding, and it requires a lot of patience,

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Speaker 6: and it requires a lot of revisiting. You know, something

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Speaker 6: you said earlier. It's like I thought, I healed this,

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Speaker 6: and you did. You healed what you had access to

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Speaker 6: at the time. And because of that work, now there's

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Speaker 6: a little more. Now there's an opportunity to see it

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Speaker 6: from a different lens, to apply that same healing to

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Speaker 6: other areas of your life, you know. And so I

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Speaker 6: think that's and maybe this isn't the perfect word for this,

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Speaker 6: but it's the one that keeps coming through. It's like,

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Speaker 6: be in humility with your process. That is what will

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Speaker 6: really guide you and push you forward for the rest

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Speaker 6: of your life. Allow yourself to be in dignity with

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Speaker 6: your process, be an integrity with your process. It's not

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Speaker 6: about who's more healed and how much we know than

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Speaker 6: the other person, or how many wh I did ayahuasca

402
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Speaker 6: this many times, so that means this I.

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Speaker 2: Did da da da da dada.

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Speaker 6: It's like cool, cool, cool, And we all have our

405
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Speaker 6: stuff from this lifetime and all the others. You know,

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Speaker 6: It's like it's not a race to enlightenment or consciousness.

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Speaker 6: And I think very often people, especially once they get

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Speaker 6: connected to certain language, it's just so easy to get

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Speaker 6: high on your own supply. It is so easy to

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Speaker 6: be feeling yourself and holding yourself as above. And you know,

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Speaker 6: I'm always of the belief no matter where i am

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Speaker 6: in my wisdom and my knowledge and my process above

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Speaker 6: nor beneath anyone ever, I'm just dancing with my unique

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Speaker 6: karma and my unique spiritual curriculum. And actually, to answer

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Speaker 6: your question that you had to start, I didn't come

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Speaker 6: from a spiritual home. I think my mom was having

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Speaker 6: her own reckoning with God, and so God was not

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Speaker 6: at all present in my house. But I always longed

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Speaker 6: for God, Like I remember being a child and being

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Speaker 6: fascinated by church and being very fascinated by Christ, but

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Speaker 6: it kind of was very adjacent to my experience. I'm

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Speaker 6: an only child raised by a single parent, and I

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Speaker 6: was alive kid, so it's like all of those layers

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Speaker 6: kind of experience. In childhood, I was always curious about God.

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Speaker 6: I always felt God, but I didn't have any systems

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Speaker 6: or language around it or anyone to talk to about it.

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Speaker 6: So my dance with the divine has always been about

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Speaker 6: me seeking it out and then applying and growing in

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Speaker 6: that kind of as my own personal relationship.

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Speaker 4: At what point did you begin to seek it out?

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Speaker 4: Was it during that time or was.

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Speaker 6: It very young?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

434
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,879
Speaker 6: I think I came into an awareness that I was

435
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:42,240
Speaker 6: a very highly intuitive child really young, and I think

436
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,720
Speaker 6: that was noticed by adults around me and also probably

437
00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:51,040
Speaker 6: really disliked. You know. I was always very, very very

438
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:55,119
Speaker 6: aware of patterns of decisions and choices adults were making.

439
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:58,760
Speaker 6: I was always kind of observing and evaluating. My mom

440
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:01,080
Speaker 6: used to call me like, you're you were a deep feeler,

441
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:05,520
Speaker 6: you know, and I'm like to say it, I'm like

442
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:06,760
Speaker 6: to say it lightly.

443
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:07,800
Speaker 4: There's a lot.

444
00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:11,679
Speaker 6: Going on in this thing, But yeah, I think I

445
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:15,000
Speaker 6: was always intuitive, So I was connected to the mystery

446
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:20,199
Speaker 6: of being here on earth and like to kind of

447
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:25,400
Speaker 6: those unseen energetics and forces that you feel. And then

448
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:28,199
Speaker 6: I just kind of I've always been since I was

449
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:30,680
Speaker 6: a kid. This this sounds like kind of ridiculous, Like

450
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:33,800
Speaker 6: I wasn't Doogie Houser or anything, but like I was

451
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:37,720
Speaker 6: always like I read it like a ninth grade level,

452
00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:41,160
Speaker 6: like like I think in first grade or second grade

453
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:44,680
Speaker 6: or something like I had, like I know, I had

454
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:50,359
Speaker 6: like a terrible at math and science, but always really

455
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:55,560
Speaker 6: connected to like language and reading and history and fascinated

456
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:59,119
Speaker 6: by it forever. And so I would just kind of

457
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:01,320
Speaker 6: start there was no internet back in my day, but

458
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,560
Speaker 6: I would just kind of leaf through books. And I

459
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:06,280
Speaker 6: think growing up in LA and I had a very

460
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,879
Speaker 6: contrasting way that I grew up, Like I experienced like

461
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:15,679
Speaker 6: a lot of extremes in lifestyles and in cultures. I

462
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:18,399
Speaker 6: think I feel really grateful to have been born in

463
00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:21,240
Speaker 6: la and raised in the way that I was, because

464
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:23,840
Speaker 6: it allowed me to see the way that other people

465
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:27,720
Speaker 6: were connecting to God so much, other cultures, other backgrounds

466
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:32,360
Speaker 6: of their households. It's like, you know, there were meditation studios,

467
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:34,040
Speaker 6: you know, if like you went to Santa Monica. There

468
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:36,600
Speaker 6: were yoga studios, there were so there were things that

469
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 6: were always like seating my consciousness of like I don't

470
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:41,240
Speaker 6: quite know what that is, but damn I feel a

471
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:44,280
Speaker 6: pull to it. At some point I'll investigate, you know,

472
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:46,600
Speaker 6: and then it all started making sense.

473
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:48,879
Speaker 4: You kind of just started to pull the things.

474
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:52,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, because like do you I mean, I don't know

475
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:55,040
Speaker 3: if you identify as a Christian or a Catholic or

476
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:58,840
Speaker 3: you just kind of identify as what spiritualists just someone.

477
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:03,960
Speaker 6: Who I respect so much about religion. I'm very drawn,

478
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:08,040
Speaker 6: especially to like Catholicism. I believe that Christ is the

479
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:12,720
Speaker 6: most masterful teacher that has walked to the planet. But

480
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:15,119
Speaker 6: in no way would I say that I kind of

481
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:18,760
Speaker 6: adhere to any dogma or any like particular belief Like

482
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:22,760
Speaker 6: I believe in my relationship with the divine. I believe

483
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:26,159
Speaker 6: in goodness, I believe in integrity. I believe in trying

484
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 6: to make doing what's right because it's right, and making

485
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:33,439
Speaker 6: aligned choices. But I wouldn't say that I believe in

486
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:36,719
Speaker 6: like that any one system of worship is better than

487
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,320
Speaker 6: any other. It's how do you know God? And are

488
00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:43,440
Speaker 6: you sure that you're aligned with God or you aligned

489
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:45,840
Speaker 6: with the middle man connecting you to God. I think

490
00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:47,760
Speaker 6: that's something really important to look at.

491
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:51,760
Speaker 3: The middle man, meaning like the one who's delivering the

492
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:53,760
Speaker 3: message or yeah, because you.

493
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,800
Speaker 6: Know, it's like we hear, we hear so many stories.

494
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 6: You have your you know, you have your just mind

495
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:02,399
Speaker 6: blowing prophet, like one that I respect so deeply is

496
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:05,560
Speaker 6: TD Jakes, you know, his daughter Sarah Jakes, Like you

497
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:13,600
Speaker 6: have really anointed beautiful, powerful conduits of the divine, vessels

498
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:15,639
Speaker 6: of the divine. And then you also hear all the

499
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:19,280
Speaker 6: stories about you know, the cults and the predators in churches,

500
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:22,480
Speaker 6: and you know, again, it's like everything, whether we're talking

501
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:25,120
Speaker 6: about wellness, whether we're talking about religion, whether we're talking

502
00:26:25,119 --> 00:26:30,240
Speaker 6: about the medical industry or the you know, I don't know,

503
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:35,520
Speaker 6: the motor industry. I don't know. There's always a spectrum

504
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:40,400
Speaker 6: of the way that you experience it. There is terrible, mediocre, good, excellent.

505
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:44,000
Speaker 6: So it's always like evaluating like is this the best,

506
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:46,760
Speaker 6: is this the most connected? Is this the most aligned?

507
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,520
Speaker 6: And like yeah, just really being present with yourself and

508
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:55,480
Speaker 6: holding whatever systems you put yourself in to a higher ideal.

509
00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:00,320
Speaker 3: I think about like gurus, right, because people like you

510
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:04,120
Speaker 3: know they some people live and die by their their

511
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:08,800
Speaker 3: guru or their Did you ever in your journey, and

512
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 3: obviously it's continuous, do you have did you have any

513
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:17,720
Speaker 3: moments in which, like you felt like maybe you were

514
00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:20,080
Speaker 3: adhering to that middleman and that you had to kind

515
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:23,280
Speaker 3: of like break free and have sovereignty over like what

516
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 3: your belief systems are, and if and if so, like

517
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:25,719
Speaker 3: what was that?

518
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 4: What was that moment?

519
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:31,399
Speaker 6: Like a what an important question I would for my

520
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:34,120
Speaker 6: personal journey? I would say no. And I think that's

521
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:36,840
Speaker 6: because you know, the nature of being an only child,

522
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:40,639
Speaker 6: especially with a single parent, an ealatrike kid, you're hyper independent.

523
00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:43,600
Speaker 6: So I've been hyper independent my whole life. Like one

524
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:45,679
Speaker 6: of the things that always comes up in my astrology

525
00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:48,399
Speaker 6: chart is like you will never be able to get

526
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:51,719
Speaker 6: DEBI to do anything that she doesn't want to do,

527
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:55,360
Speaker 6: like my body just won't move. And I've always been

528
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:58,720
Speaker 6: like that since a child, So like for me, it's

529
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,359
Speaker 6: I think it's also been like I've never had any

530
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:04,040
Speaker 6: true mentors at any point in my life. It was

531
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:07,520
Speaker 6: always about, Okay, I need to figure this out. And

532
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:12,640
Speaker 6: so because of that, I developed. I think a lot

533
00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 6: of self trust really young, even if I was you know,

534
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:20,320
Speaker 6: I'm deeply flawed, and I one million percent have not

535
00:28:20,359 --> 00:28:23,240
Speaker 6: always and still do not make the best choices all

536
00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:28,680
Speaker 6: the time. But I've always known that, like I'm sovereign

537
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:31,280
Speaker 6: and I'm my own being and I'm taking myself where

538
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:31,880
Speaker 6: I need to go.

539
00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 2: Is that something you saw your mom like exemplify and

540
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:39,560
Speaker 2: so you adopted that or is this something that's like

541
00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:42,120
Speaker 2: in you're solely in your DNA.

542
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 6: I think definitely a little of both. You know. I

543
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:48,600
Speaker 6: think my mom is an incredibly strong woman and an

544
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 6: incredibly creative woman, and I've always seen her be resilient

545
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:59,680
Speaker 6: beyond belief. So there's definitely, you know, this kind of

546
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:04,200
Speaker 6: life tolerance to endure, this ability to push through that

547
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:07,440
Speaker 6: I absolutely got from her. And I think part of

548
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:11,320
Speaker 6: my unique destiny is that I've always meant to be

549
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:14,720
Speaker 6: I've always do that even make sense, I've always been

550
00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 6: meant to be a little bit of an outlier, a

551
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:22,280
Speaker 6: little bit of an observer of things that are going on. Again,

552
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:25,200
Speaker 6: not above nor beneath, but just I've never been an

553
00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:28,800
Speaker 6: organizational person. I'm not a big groups person. I can

554
00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:32,200
Speaker 6: have fun in groups. I'm a super extrovert, which sometimes

555
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:37,160
Speaker 6: people are surprised to know. But yeah, I've always just

556
00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:42,600
Speaker 6: felt really good about doing my own thing and trusting

557
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:45,560
Speaker 6: that whatever I feel called to do, I can do it.

558
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:48,480
Speaker 2: Has that been challenging for you, like a growing in

559
00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:51,960
Speaker 2: your spirituality and in this space, but then like dating

560
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:58,840
Speaker 2: and like like intimidating for men, or like it's been

561
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:01,520
Speaker 2: you know, or because you are kind of an outlier,

562
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:03,880
Speaker 2: Like once you do find someone that you like click with,

563
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:06,320
Speaker 2: do you feel like you get like much closer to

564
00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:09,240
Speaker 2: them much quicker? Like and how have you protected yourself

565
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:12,360
Speaker 2: in that way? You know, because you are an EmPATH

566
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:17,800
Speaker 2: and like you know, notoriously women are weaknesses those men

567
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,000
Speaker 2: and then become in a lot of different forms. And

568
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:21,800
Speaker 2: we've talked about this a lot this month about just

569
00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 2: like when you're in a special when I think we

570
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 2: all have our own you know, life's purpose and like

571
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:31,800
Speaker 2: you know, leading in ways and changing shifting, shifting things

572
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:34,400
Speaker 2: in ways. But a lot of times we've there are

573
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:38,479
Speaker 2: there will be tests. You know, you'll be tested in

574
00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 2: order to like take on these roles and lead people,

575
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:44,120
Speaker 2: and like how have you dealt with those challenges in dating.

576
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:52,480
Speaker 4: Well, are you still still processing?

577
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:56,600
Speaker 6: You know, I'll say, in no way am I an

578
00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,880
Speaker 6: expert in love. Love is still something that I am

579
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:04,440
Speaker 6: really actively learning about in so many ways. I got

580
00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:07,120
Speaker 6: I was married for almost a decade and I got

581
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:10,040
Speaker 6: divorced I think maybe three years ago now three and

582
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:15,240
Speaker 6: a half years. And in the last three years, which

583
00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:18,000
Speaker 6: I took like the first year was in the pandemic

584
00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:21,040
Speaker 6: and I was like, I'm not dating these men that

585
00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 6: are feeling emotions for the first time. I Am not

586
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:25,880
Speaker 6: about to take this on and clean this up. I

587
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:28,240
Speaker 6: will focus on my child, I will focus on myself.

588
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:31,280
Speaker 6: But then kind of as I you know, pop out

589
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:33,800
Speaker 6: and emerge to date or you know, connect with people.

590
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:36,920
Speaker 6: Right now, I'm just in a place of curiosity with it,

591
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:40,160
Speaker 6: you know, like I'm someone that is not looking to

592
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:43,240
Speaker 6: be married. And something I had to really kind of

593
00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:45,680
Speaker 6: look back and remember is that since childhood, I never

594
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:49,920
Speaker 6: actually wanted to get married. But I do believe in

595
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:53,959
Speaker 6: committed partnership, and I do believe in, you know, having

596
00:31:56,520 --> 00:32:01,120
Speaker 6: I believe in the beauty of long term companionship. But

597
00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:04,960
Speaker 6: I'm just exploring. I'm being curious and I'm trying to

598
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:08,360
Speaker 6: do it all from the lens of being a sovereign

599
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:12,040
Speaker 6: woman and also a woman that understands that people can't

600
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:14,960
Speaker 6: don't know how and won't show up perfectly, and so

601
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:17,920
Speaker 6: how can I relate to that? And how how can

602
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:22,600
Speaker 6: I keep the observation on me and my needs and

603
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:27,040
Speaker 6: what I'm choosing and not be so much projected on

604
00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:28,240
Speaker 6: another person's behavior.

605
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:30,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I was gonna say.

606
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:35,360
Speaker 3: I mean, because you've done a lot of work and

607
00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:39,800
Speaker 3: you are highly intuitive, I would say, And I feel

608
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:41,520
Speaker 3: this way as well too. I mean, I'm still on

609
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:43,960
Speaker 3: my journey too, and my intuition is when it comes

610
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:48,239
Speaker 3: to love, my intuition is fucked up okay, period, Like

611
00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:51,760
Speaker 3: it's usually on spot on and then at some point

612
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:57,040
Speaker 3: I either sex confuses me or well, that's why I'm

613
00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:59,960
Speaker 3: really going deeper with this relationship with my father, because

614
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:03,520
Speaker 3: there's there's a confusion that that's happening there for me,

615
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:06,400
Speaker 3: that's unresolved, that gets really messy and cloudy for me

616
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,160
Speaker 3: when as it pertains to like masculine energy.

617
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:14,240
Speaker 6: God, I mean, just to sit there for a second,

618
00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:18,160
Speaker 6: that is so real for all of us in such

619
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:22,240
Speaker 6: a multitude of ways, Like even things that we say

620
00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:25,400
Speaker 6: as like a joke, like one of my homies and

621
00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 6: I we always say, like Dolores Tucker was right this

622
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:28,560
Speaker 6: whole time.

623
00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:30,080
Speaker 4: Who the fuck is Dolores Tucker?

624
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:33,160
Speaker 6: Do you remember, like when when rap was really taking

625
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:35,960
Speaker 6: over in nw A, she was, I believe a congresswoman

626
00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:38,640
Speaker 6: or an assembly woman and she was trying to get

627
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:43,600
Speaker 6: censorship and banning on the music. But the misogyny always

628
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:47,320
Speaker 6: has the best beats, Like she was like fire, you know,

629
00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:50,600
Speaker 6: so everybody was fighting against it. But let's really think

630
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:55,480
Speaker 6: about the effects of growing up as young women and

631
00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:58,040
Speaker 6: hearing some of the music that we heard, and that

632
00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:02,960
Speaker 6: shaping our understanding of sex, shaping especially if as many

633
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:06,320
Speaker 6: many people, it's very rare experience to come from a

634
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:09,759
Speaker 6: fully quote unquote healthy home. You know, we're picking up

635
00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:13,840
Speaker 6: ways of being from everything around us. So it's like

636
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:18,879
Speaker 6: it's plowing through the individual curriculum you have with your

637
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:22,200
Speaker 6: father and what you both decided you'd work through together

638
00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 6: this lifetime and every man we dated up until this

639
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:30,759
Speaker 6: point of our lives and everything that influenced us, the shows,

640
00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 6: the you know, the music, the conversations that were happening

641
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:37,759
Speaker 6: around us, Like we absorbed all of it and took

642
00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:40,799
Speaker 6: it on as collective, the collective, and we took it

643
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:44,239
Speaker 6: on as belief about ourself, about our worth. And so

644
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:46,160
Speaker 6: it's like we and that's why we have to take

645
00:34:46,239 --> 00:34:49,239
Speaker 6: shame out of everything and the way that we work

646
00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:51,920
Speaker 6: with things that we have to bring gentleness for ourselves

647
00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:55,359
Speaker 6: and acceptance because there's so much that we didn't even

648
00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:58,680
Speaker 6: give consent for that shaped our reality. You know, it's

649
00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:03,440
Speaker 6: like this very slow, so slow on learning and dismantling

650
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:06,279
Speaker 6: and then like pulling in our own truth that we

651
00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:06,759
Speaker 6: come to.

652
00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:12,960
Speaker 3: Before we started recording, you touched on a term that

653
00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:16,480
Speaker 3: I've heard before, but I don't. I'd like to hear

654
00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:20,240
Speaker 3: what your definition of it is, and it's sacred rage.

655
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:25,319
Speaker 3: Because rage is something that I have been battling with

656
00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:29,640
Speaker 3: for the last i'd say six months, and there's been

657
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:32,480
Speaker 3: parts of my rage that have come up where I'm like, WHOA,

658
00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:35,080
Speaker 3: I didn't know I could like get that mad, or

659
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:37,120
Speaker 3: I didn't know I could get this angry, or I

660
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:39,560
Speaker 3: could feel like, I don't know if this is sacred,

661
00:35:39,719 --> 00:35:43,319
Speaker 3: this might just be toxic rage, or I literally like

662
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:46,640
Speaker 3: I don't really give a fuck about how it affects

663
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:50,520
Speaker 3: anyone else. I'm upset and everyone is going to feel

664
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:53,600
Speaker 3: this rage like that's and like overtaking me and not

665
00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:56,799
Speaker 3: like I think because I've tried to bottle it up

666
00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:01,480
Speaker 3: so much, Yeah, and not speak it, thinking like Okay,

667
00:36:02,239 --> 00:36:04,400
Speaker 3: I'm dripping, I'm gonna let it go, and it's like

668
00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:06,480
Speaker 3: that you did not let it go, and now it's

669
00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:10,880
Speaker 3: just you know, so I'm just curious, like what is

670
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:14,440
Speaker 3: your what is sacred rage? Can you explain that to Tess? God?

671
00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:17,640
Speaker 6: Yeah, Oh, I mean, just how many of us relate

672
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:20,520
Speaker 6: to what you're saying? You know, it's like and again

673
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:23,640
Speaker 6: it's like part of those containers that were forced into

674
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:27,360
Speaker 6: as women especially you know in this country, wherever you're from,

675
00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:32,799
Speaker 6: of the way you're meant to respond to pain, the

676
00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:35,320
Speaker 6: way that you're meant to you know that you should

677
00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:40,400
Speaker 6: be responding to things that hurt. Sacred rage in the

678
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:44,560
Speaker 6: way that I experience it, it's a little bit more intentional

679
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,520
Speaker 6: than just rage, like what I was hearing in some

680
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:49,360
Speaker 6: of what you described of like, you know, it's like

681
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:52,239
Speaker 6: and I don't care what happens. And that's when we

682
00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:54,319
Speaker 6: get to the point that's a little bit outside of

683
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:57,480
Speaker 6: and above that it's no longer sacred. Yeah, No, longer sacred,

684
00:36:57,560 --> 00:36:59,759
Speaker 6: no longer safe, and so we have to kind of

685
00:37:00,239 --> 00:37:03,319
Speaker 6: that calm and hopefully come to a place of neutrality

686
00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:06,600
Speaker 6: to work with it. But sacred rage is when you

687
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:09,360
Speaker 6: come into a space of saying that, like you deserve

688
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:12,800
Speaker 6: to be pissed, Like you have a right to be pissed,

689
00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:16,400
Speaker 6: You have a right to feel your feelings. How often

690
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:19,920
Speaker 6: do we get pushed into these roles of something is

691
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:21,600
Speaker 6: done to you and then you also have to find

692
00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:25,880
Speaker 6: the solution for it, a you have an experience with someone,

693
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:29,880
Speaker 6: and then you're also in charge bringing everyone into peace.

694
00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:33,879
Speaker 6: You know, it's like, yes, like so many of us,

695
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:38,960
Speaker 6: we are taught to bypass, instantaneously take ownership of and

696
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:42,520
Speaker 6: then be the parent of the situation, whatever that situation is.

697
00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:45,680
Speaker 6: And you know a lot of that definitely starts in childhood,

698
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:49,720
Speaker 6: having suppressed emotions, you know, not being able to feel,

699
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:52,680
Speaker 6: not being able to have what as a child your

700
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:55,160
Speaker 6: body is designed to do, which is have a tantrum.

701
00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:57,800
Speaker 6: You know, It's like as soon as even parents try.

702
00:37:57,640 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 4: To cut off the flo of a.

703
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:03,840
Speaker 6: Tantrum if it's not hurting anyone, you're teaching your child

704
00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:06,880
Speaker 6: to suppress, and then they're building a muscle memory for that,

705
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:10,919
Speaker 6: and we don't see how much it affects us going

706
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:15,560
Speaker 6: into adulthood. But when you just kind of metabolize the

707
00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:18,799
Speaker 6: process of suppression. You may have been doing it because

708
00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:21,880
Speaker 6: you didn't get your binkie, but then your body learns it,

709
00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:24,279
Speaker 6: and so now you do it every time you get hurt.

710
00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:27,000
Speaker 6: Now you do it when you may be violated and

711
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:31,160
Speaker 6: not know why, you just naturally quiet and suppress yourself.

712
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:34,200
Speaker 6: But it's that kind of muscle memory in our emotional

713
00:38:34,239 --> 00:38:38,040
Speaker 6: world that we learn really really young. And I think

714
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:41,080
Speaker 6: as parents, that's why it's so important to cultivate as

715
00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:44,920
Speaker 6: best we can a lot of tools and a lot

716
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:50,040
Speaker 6: of patience, because we're only now beginning to understand the

717
00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:54,280
Speaker 6: effect that us just wanting our kids to be quiet

718
00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:58,480
Speaker 6: actually has on them. And it's like, isn't necessary And

719
00:38:58,480 --> 00:38:59,759
Speaker 6: now I forgot your original question.

720
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:00,640
Speaker 4: Oh okay.

721
00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:05,839
Speaker 6: So the way that I look at sacred rage is like, sometimes,

722
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:08,279
Speaker 6: especially in the last couple of years, when I was

723
00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:14,920
Speaker 6: really really moving through so much of my personal work,

724
00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:19,799
Speaker 6: like just deeply moving through my deepest wounds, it was

725
00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:25,000
Speaker 6: setting a calendar alert to cry and setting a calendar

726
00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:26,920
Speaker 6: alert to be pissed. And I'd be like, all right,

727
00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:31,000
Speaker 6: can't get this out of me just yet. Okay, gotta okay,

728
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:33,120
Speaker 6: gotta do this with my kid, doing this for work.

729
00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:36,080
Speaker 6: In two weeks, I'm gonna break a bunch of shit,

730
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:39,880
Speaker 6: you know, like I'm gonna break some shit in two weeks.

731
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:45,040
Speaker 6: And then honoring that and letting myself you know, I

732
00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:48,200
Speaker 6: think it can be really divine when you create a

733
00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:52,040
Speaker 6: container where you can bring forward your pain and your

734
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:55,640
Speaker 6: anger when it's not triggered, because then you're able to

735
00:39:55,760 --> 00:39:58,360
Speaker 6: be with it in a different way. You're able to

736
00:39:58,440 --> 00:40:00,600
Speaker 6: be with it in a way that feel a lot

737
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:04,239
Speaker 6: more empowered and not reactive. And it's like, okay, what

738
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:07,600
Speaker 6: really hurts, Well, I know this happened to me and

739
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:12,480
Speaker 6: that has fed everything else. So let me sit with that.

740
00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:16,720
Speaker 6: And then when you feel rage, come up being pissed, screaming,

741
00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:21,239
Speaker 6: scream into pillows, make yourself cringe. You know, it's like,

742
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:26,280
Speaker 6: don't be above the mess of the process. Throw things

743
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:28,200
Speaker 6: as long as you're not going to harm another person

744
00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:31,400
Speaker 6: or yourself. Go to you know, they have ragery some

745
00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:34,600
Speaker 6: places now, Like you know, get a hammer and break

746
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:38,320
Speaker 6: some stuff, rip some stuff apart, you know, beat some stuff,

747
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:43,080
Speaker 6: not a person, not yourself, you know, but as soon

748
00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:46,239
Speaker 6: as you give yourself license to do that. Sometimes all

749
00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:48,840
Speaker 6: our body ever wanted to do was to feel it

750
00:40:49,239 --> 00:40:53,040
Speaker 6: in the first place. So we can actually heal certain

751
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:55,439
Speaker 6: things that we didn't think we could with a lot

752
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 6: more ease than we ever imagined, as long as we

753
00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:02,640
Speaker 6: just commit to let ourselves go there, and especially letting

754
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:05,879
Speaker 6: ourselves go there when we haven't been triggered into it

755
00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:09,319
Speaker 6: by yet another thing that we're upset about. So, you know,

756
00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:11,200
Speaker 6: when you get to a certain place where it feels

757
00:41:11,239 --> 00:41:16,120
Speaker 6: safe to do this with your journal, write down what

758
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 6: is your core curriculum, What are the patterns at play

759
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:21,799
Speaker 6: that you have been dealing with with different people and

760
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:25,839
Speaker 6: at different times, over and over and over again. You know,

761
00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:28,640
Speaker 6: what was the original wound for that? And then sit

762
00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:31,439
Speaker 6: with it and look at it and take the year

763
00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:34,080
Speaker 6: to process it. You know, it's not something you have

764
00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:39,000
Speaker 6: to fix your anger by this weekend. Take a year,

765
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:41,759
Speaker 6: take four seasons. You know, how are you going to

766
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:44,440
Speaker 6: relate to this anger as you get to go deeper,

767
00:41:44,480 --> 00:41:47,080
Speaker 6: after you've already healed a layer of it, make time

768
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:50,600
Speaker 6: to cry, you know, like it's released. There is nothing

769
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:55,040
Speaker 6: weak about it. Our bodies long to release stored energy.

770
00:41:55,719 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 6: You can't do both. You can't try to intellectualize the world,

771
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:03,080
Speaker 6: work and read the books and just build knowledge and

772
00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:05,000
Speaker 6: say yep, and that happened to me, and now I

773
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:07,040
Speaker 6: know where that is. You have to bring it into

774
00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:09,759
Speaker 6: a somatic element. You have to bring it into your

775
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:12,120
Speaker 6: body and release it from your body. They have to

776
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:16,719
Speaker 6: happen together for lasting change to occur in yourself and

777
00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:17,319
Speaker 6: in your life.

778
00:42:18,239 --> 00:42:22,640
Speaker 2: That somatic healing is real as fun. People bypass that

779
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:25,640
Speaker 2: and like think like they can intellectualize stuff. I like

780
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:27,680
Speaker 2: what you said so much about I noticed that with

781
00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:30,960
Speaker 2: my kid. It's like we train kids to be quiet

782
00:42:31,040 --> 00:42:33,160
Speaker 2: and not take up space and not embarrassed as in public,

783
00:42:33,200 --> 00:42:35,520
Speaker 2: but it's like we're domesticating them in a way that

784
00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:40,839
Speaker 2: does make like calcify their emotions. And it brought it

785
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:43,120
Speaker 2: made me come into adulthood where I was just like

786
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:46,480
Speaker 2: non reactive, Like I could literally feel myself making myself

787
00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:49,880
Speaker 2: go numb because I felt feelings that were overwhelming. I

788
00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:51,359
Speaker 2: didn't want to feel it. And that's a lot of

789
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:53,880
Speaker 2: like my adulthood. I started to feel like I fucking

790
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:56,239
Speaker 2: hate feeling and I started to be like why do

791
00:42:56,320 --> 00:42:58,960
Speaker 2: I hate feeling so much? And what happens is like

792
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:02,399
Speaker 2: when you suppress that, when you've suppressed the rage, which

793
00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:04,799
Speaker 2: is healthy, because let's be honest, there are things that

794
00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:07,520
Speaker 2: come up, you know, as women, as you know, like

795
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:11,920
Speaker 2: in this fucked up world that will should make you enraged.

796
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:15,040
Speaker 2: And if you continue to like just downplay that and

797
00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:17,120
Speaker 2: downplay that, you will feel nothing. You'll be numb and

798
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:19,600
Speaker 2: you won't be human. Humans are supposed to feel. And

799
00:43:19,640 --> 00:43:22,760
Speaker 2: I've also realized recently it's just like when you suppress

800
00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:26,600
Speaker 2: the rage, you suppress the sadness, you have no choice

801
00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:29,600
Speaker 2: but to also suppress the joy when you start to

802
00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:34,279
Speaker 2: overly regulate your feelings. Your body is trained to not

803
00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:37,440
Speaker 2: overly feel. And I was literally telling myself this, like

804
00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:39,640
Speaker 2: I'm not about to like cry like that not that

805
00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:42,560
Speaker 2: stops it. Like there are feelings that I just actively

806
00:43:42,760 --> 00:43:44,520
Speaker 2: was just pushing down because I didn't want to. I

807
00:43:44,560 --> 00:43:46,560
Speaker 2: don't want anyone else to see me feel and I

808
00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:49,120
Speaker 2: didn't want to feel it because it felt triggering because

809
00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:51,920
Speaker 2: I'm only reacting when someone and something's you know, making

810
00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:53,960
Speaker 2: me react. But then when there was times where I'm

811
00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:57,560
Speaker 2: feeling immense joy and happiness and safety. I felt like

812
00:43:57,600 --> 00:44:00,040
Speaker 2: I could not express it and I could not I

813
00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:03,000
Speaker 2: could not embody it because and I didn't know why.

814
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:06,359
Speaker 2: I'm like, I actually really am happy, but I'm just

815
00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:09,120
Speaker 2: like I felt like I was doing too much because

816
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:12,200
Speaker 2: I've already felt I've already trained myself so much and

817
00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:15,319
Speaker 2: doing too much emotionally, Like you know, when you're a kid,

818
00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:18,120
Speaker 2: like you're you're schripping, You're not starving, you're you know,

819
00:44:18,239 --> 00:44:20,839
Speaker 2: like save those sears for something that really makes you cry,

820
00:44:21,360 --> 00:44:24,320
Speaker 2: and so you start to like you stopped to you stop,

821
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:29,200
Speaker 2: you start stopping, this makes sense, You stop embodying any

822
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:32,080
Speaker 2: extreme feeling, and then you're in your and you can't

823
00:44:32,160 --> 00:44:36,040
Speaker 2: really you can't. You can't choose. You can't choose what

824
00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 2: which feelings that you're numbing out because you've kind of

825
00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:42,760
Speaker 2: just numbed out everything there is your your your nervous

826
00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:46,919
Speaker 2: system cannot regulate which emotions are which it just knows

827
00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:49,000
Speaker 2: that actually, at a certain point, you shut the fuck down,

828
00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:51,560
Speaker 2: you freeze, and that's it. And so it's taken me

829
00:44:51,600 --> 00:44:54,840
Speaker 2: a lot to kind of undo that and really realize

830
00:44:54,920 --> 00:44:58,640
Speaker 2: like it requires the voice to speak every like I'm

831
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:01,040
Speaker 2: pissed off. It required even, it requires that even to

832
00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:04,040
Speaker 2: feel compassion for other people, because by doing that, you're

833
00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:07,000
Speaker 2: not being compassionate with yourself, You're not being soft with yourself,

834
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:10,320
Speaker 2: and so it becomes hard to care about anybody else's feelings.

835
00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:12,600
Speaker 2: And so when I'm hearing you talk about the compassion

836
00:45:12,719 --> 00:45:15,799
Speaker 2: and like just being self aware, it's so true that

837
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:19,440
Speaker 2: I keep saying this, like I'm the compassion first has

838
00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:21,439
Speaker 2: to begin with you, or she won't even be able

839
00:45:21,440 --> 00:45:23,600
Speaker 2: to identify when you're not being compassionate to somebody else

840
00:45:23,640 --> 00:45:26,120
Speaker 2: because you're fucking numb. And I've done it, you know,

841
00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:29,319
Speaker 2: like a lot. And it's and I'm happy you said.

842
00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:31,600
Speaker 2: The childhood thing is because when you grow up in

843
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:34,200
Speaker 2: those you know, most of us have because most parents

844
00:45:34,239 --> 00:45:36,920
Speaker 2: are taught to keep your kids in line, that you

845
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:41,680
Speaker 2: don't really have the tools in adulthood to to feel

846
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:44,960
Speaker 2: or to speak, or to rage or to like have

847
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:47,799
Speaker 2: extreme joy. And he almost feels guilty, you know, like

848
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:49,920
Speaker 2: this this feels too good to be true or too safe,

849
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:53,800
Speaker 2: and it's difficult, you know, and I think more people

850
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:55,799
Speaker 2: have to hear that. It's like you really you have

851
00:45:55,880 --> 00:45:59,040
Speaker 2: to move that energy in your body like you have to,

852
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:02,640
Speaker 2: you know, and like that's even sexually, it's even physical pleasure.

853
00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:07,600
Speaker 6: Yes, you know, that was just so powerfully said, so

854
00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:12,880
Speaker 6: so powerfully said. And like the piece about numbness, I

855
00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:17,279
Speaker 6: think so many women confuse being numb with being the

856
00:46:17,280 --> 00:46:21,280
Speaker 6: bigger person, being numb with being stoic.

857
00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:22,080
Speaker 4: You know.

858
00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:25,320
Speaker 6: It's like we can be like, oh, I'm above that,

859
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:27,279
Speaker 6: you're strong.

860
00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:30,400
Speaker 2: Or like there's this toxic positivity syndrome where it's like

861
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:32,160
Speaker 2: I'm not going to feed into that, like I'm just

862
00:46:32,160 --> 00:46:34,040
Speaker 2: so positive. It's like no, but you're not positive. You're

863
00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:36,799
Speaker 2: just not feeling shit. You're just numb the fuck out.

864
00:46:37,120 --> 00:46:37,319
Speaker 6: You know.

865
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:39,359
Speaker 2: You're like I'm happy, I'm good, everything's good. No, I'm fine,

866
00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:39,799
Speaker 2: I'm fine.

867
00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:40,239
Speaker 4: I'm sure.

868
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:41,440
Speaker 2: No, I'm sure, I'm fine.

869
00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:41,799
Speaker 6: You know.

870
00:46:41,880 --> 00:46:43,520
Speaker 2: I'm like, as women, we do that a lot, a

871
00:46:43,520 --> 00:46:45,640
Speaker 2: lot is put on our plate. But it's like, when

872
00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:48,160
Speaker 2: you're not fine, you have to say you're not fine

873
00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:50,160
Speaker 2: or else you'll start to believe that you're fine and

874
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:52,319
Speaker 2: then you won't even know when you're not. And I've

875
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:54,680
Speaker 2: done that, I've just been dead and like I'm fine,

876
00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:56,400
Speaker 2: Like no, bitch, you're not. But you don't even you

877
00:46:56,440 --> 00:46:58,959
Speaker 2: can't even recognize that you're not fine because you can't

878
00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:01,600
Speaker 2: feel shit, you know, because you're so used to saying

879
00:47:01,600 --> 00:47:04,400
Speaker 2: everything's the fuck okay, And so someone disrespecting you or

880
00:47:04,440 --> 00:47:08,600
Speaker 2: someone hurting you literally feels like nothing because you've strained

881
00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:11,480
Speaker 2: yourself to not feel shit to protect and a lot

882
00:47:11,480 --> 00:47:13,799
Speaker 2: of times it's a defense mechanism. But we have to

883
00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:17,520
Speaker 2: find our place ourselves in safe places to disarm ourselves

884
00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:20,520
Speaker 2: and regulate our nervous systems so that we're not we're

885
00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:24,440
Speaker 2: not like react, we're not at like acting from a

886
00:47:24,480 --> 00:47:30,920
Speaker 2: place of nothingness. You know. It's crazy, yeah, God, And.

887
00:47:31,320 --> 00:47:34,960
Speaker 6: We have to do doing the work of the sacred rage.

888
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:38,040
Speaker 6: Doing the work of feeling makes space for the joy too,

889
00:47:38,520 --> 00:47:42,959
Speaker 6: because life is one hundred percent always going to be

890
00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:47,400
Speaker 6: teetering between grief and joy one hundred percent of the time.

891
00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:49,920
Speaker 6: You don't do all this work and then arrive at

892
00:47:49,920 --> 00:47:54,319
Speaker 6: your perfect life. Life changes, life transforms. But we're never

893
00:47:54,520 --> 00:47:58,080
Speaker 6: gonna not be disappointed by something. We're never gonna not

894
00:47:58,200 --> 00:48:00,560
Speaker 6: be kind of poked and prodded or some out you know,

895
00:48:00,800 --> 00:48:03,960
Speaker 6: potentially injured by things that happen in the world, even

896
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:07,440
Speaker 6: if it's just observationally. So it's like making peace with

897
00:48:07,520 --> 00:48:12,799
Speaker 6: the fact that, yes, this world is imperfect, but I'm

898
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:16,160
Speaker 6: gonna let myself feel joy when it's present instead of

899
00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:18,799
Speaker 6: being scared of it. I'm gonna build my tolerance to

900
00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:21,040
Speaker 6: it instead of being scared. They're like, no, no, no,

901
00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:22,840
Speaker 6: I don't want to let myself get happy or excited

902
00:48:22,880 --> 00:48:25,439
Speaker 6: because then it's gonna go wrong or the other shoe

903
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:28,360
Speaker 6: is gonna drop. Right, yeesh, it is gonna go wrong.

904
00:48:28,520 --> 00:48:30,640
Speaker 6: Let's be real, like, yes it is.

905
00:48:30,520 --> 00:48:32,960
Speaker 2: But anticipating that you're not gonna.

906
00:48:32,680 --> 00:48:37,200
Speaker 6: Feel the joy while it's there because be sure you're

907
00:48:37,239 --> 00:48:41,080
Speaker 6: gonna feel pain again, So feel the joy too, because

908
00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:44,719
Speaker 6: that's what allows our life to be quote unquote balanced.

909
00:48:44,719 --> 00:48:48,520
Speaker 6: That's where the harmony comes from. Don't don't commit to

910
00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:52,960
Speaker 6: living in one extreme and not gift yourself the opportunity

911
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:55,040
Speaker 6: to feel the other moved through your body.

912
00:48:56,160 --> 00:49:00,919
Speaker 2: Honestly that that's It's some powerful shit. And I'm sad

913
00:49:00,920 --> 00:49:03,759
Speaker 2: it's taking me thirty five years to fucking realize, Like, bitch,

914
00:49:03,800 --> 00:49:05,160
Speaker 2: you can't numb yourself out.

915
00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:08,760
Speaker 6: But I'm just saying thirty five years is nothing.

916
00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:09,040
Speaker 1: I know.

917
00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:11,080
Speaker 2: I've been telling myself that lately. I'm like, sometimes I

918
00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:12,719
Speaker 2: fuck up that I'm like, you know, I haven't looked

919
00:49:12,719 --> 00:49:15,040
Speaker 2: back at this shit fifty years at fifty and be like, bitch,

920
00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:16,200
Speaker 2: you were twelve.

921
00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:20,520
Speaker 6: Every ancestor went to their grave without these awarenesses or

922
00:49:20,560 --> 00:49:21,200
Speaker 6: the opportunity.

923
00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:21,520
Speaker 3: Wow.

924
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:24,279
Speaker 2: So how or like we're just in time, like even

925
00:49:24,320 --> 00:49:25,680
Speaker 2: more in time than we'd ever think of.

926
00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:29,600
Speaker 3: And I'm thinking about sacred rage and how we actually

927
00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:29,960
Speaker 3: do this.

928
00:49:30,360 --> 00:49:31,600
Speaker 2: It retreats, you.

929
00:49:31,560 --> 00:49:33,799
Speaker 3: Know, like I didn't have a term for it, but

930
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:37,080
Speaker 3: we have a practice that we do with our group

931
00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:42,839
Speaker 3: where we act like they actively women need permission to

932
00:49:42,920 --> 00:49:45,600
Speaker 3: do it, Like I actually have to show them that

933
00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:47,880
Speaker 3: it's okay for you to scream, like you can scream

934
00:49:48,040 --> 00:49:51,640
Speaker 3: no otherwise. Yeah, And it's so crazy the things that

935
00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:53,560
Speaker 3: come up. And then at the end of it, all

936
00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:56,040
Speaker 3: the space in your body that you have because you

937
00:49:56,120 --> 00:49:59,719
Speaker 3: haven't given yourself this space And it's so crazy. Randomly,

938
00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:02,040
Speaker 3: a random moment I had the other night, I was

939
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:08,719
Speaker 3: masturbating and and I had this like release and it

940
00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:13,440
Speaker 3: was like this I could feel energy passing through my

941
00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:17,000
Speaker 3: body and my at the my fingertips were numb, and

942
00:50:17,040 --> 00:50:19,239
Speaker 3: my feet and I just I had to do this

943
00:50:19,760 --> 00:50:22,360
Speaker 3: for like five minutes. I've never had anything like happen

944
00:50:22,440 --> 00:50:24,920
Speaker 3: like that. And I use masturbation as ritual too, like

945
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:29,000
Speaker 3: I use it for manifesting, I use it for pissed off,

946
00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:31,880
Speaker 3: balance control, I use it whenever, morny, whatever, all the

947
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:35,360
Speaker 3: different things. But this one in particular, the reason I

948
00:50:35,440 --> 00:50:37,239
Speaker 3: was using it was because I was on edge and

949
00:50:37,280 --> 00:50:39,400
Speaker 3: I was like, I have got to get out of

950
00:50:39,440 --> 00:50:41,719
Speaker 3: my body and out of my head, into my actually,

951
00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:43,040
Speaker 3: I have to get into my body and out of

952
00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:45,960
Speaker 3: my head. And when I did, I had this like

953
00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:50,520
Speaker 3: it was I felt like literal energy coming out, and

954
00:50:50,560 --> 00:50:53,200
Speaker 3: it was like I needed to like shake it, shake it,

955
00:50:53,239 --> 00:50:53,640
Speaker 3: shake it.

956
00:50:53,719 --> 00:50:55,560
Speaker 4: It was something I never experienced before.

957
00:50:56,120 --> 00:50:58,360
Speaker 3: And when I was when it was finally out of me,

958
00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:02,560
Speaker 3: it was like, oh something left me. Yeah, something, I

959
00:51:02,640 --> 00:51:04,640
Speaker 3: made space for something, and.

960
00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:09,400
Speaker 6: Oh my okay. First of all epic. Secondly, like that's

961
00:51:09,440 --> 00:51:14,200
Speaker 6: the part that I hope everyone takes away. The work

962
00:51:14,480 --> 00:51:18,560
Speaker 6: is not as arduous and as grueling and as hard

963
00:51:18,719 --> 00:51:21,480
Speaker 6: as we think it is when we're avoiding it, because

964
00:51:21,480 --> 00:51:25,560
Speaker 6: sometimes it really is as simple as let yourself feel

965
00:51:25,560 --> 00:51:26,440
Speaker 6: all of it. Once.

966
00:51:26,840 --> 00:51:27,399
Speaker 4: It's great.

967
00:51:27,560 --> 00:51:31,400
Speaker 6: Once it might only take an hour and then it's gone.

968
00:51:31,520 --> 00:51:34,760
Speaker 6: And a lot of the times it's gone for good,

969
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:37,960
Speaker 6: like it clicks out, and then if you do revisit

970
00:51:38,120 --> 00:51:41,440
Speaker 6: whatever it is, you can revisit it in a neutrality.

971
00:51:41,560 --> 00:51:44,600
Speaker 6: When you're in neutrality, it lets you be curious. When

972
00:51:44,600 --> 00:51:48,600
Speaker 6: you're curious, you create new patterns within yourself that lead

973
00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:53,040
Speaker 6: to lasting change.

974
00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:53,640
Speaker 2: You know. And I really I'm happy that you said that,

975
00:51:53,760 --> 00:51:56,440
Speaker 2: Like I realize we've spent a lot of time together,

976
00:51:56,680 --> 00:52:00,440
Speaker 2: and we have. We've spent all of our thirties together,

977
00:52:00,960 --> 00:52:03,279
Speaker 2: and I'm not saying that I'm twenty seven. All of

978
00:52:03,320 --> 00:52:10,160
Speaker 2: our twenties together and deeply, deeply intertwined, deeply aligned, deeply

979
00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:13,000
Speaker 2: as mirrors to each other. And I've really seen and

980
00:52:13,080 --> 00:52:16,040
Speaker 2: more than that, felt a lot of the changes and

981
00:52:16,080 --> 00:52:18,400
Speaker 2: shifts that you've made, especially this year, and we have

982
00:52:18,560 --> 00:52:21,040
Speaker 2: both for each other, witnessed a lot of transformations and

983
00:52:21,080 --> 00:52:24,120
Speaker 2: a lot of evolutions, and we've really assisted in that,

984
00:52:24,160 --> 00:52:27,600
Speaker 2: even if we haven't realized it, the evolving of like

985
00:52:27,640 --> 00:52:29,760
Speaker 2: the women that we are today. And I just today

986
00:52:29,840 --> 00:52:31,880
Speaker 2: is your birthday, and I just want to remind you

987
00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:34,760
Speaker 2: of like the woman that you've become in the last

988
00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:38,000
Speaker 2: you know, six years, five years that I've witnessed you

989
00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:41,080
Speaker 2: grow into and like watch you embrace these ebbs and

990
00:52:41,160 --> 00:52:44,319
Speaker 2: flows and even when shit has been difficult, and you know,

991
00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:47,840
Speaker 2: I've seen the grace that you've you know, you've given

992
00:52:47,840 --> 00:52:50,880
Speaker 2: others in yourself, and just the to bear witness to

993
00:52:51,880 --> 00:52:57,120
Speaker 2: the blossoming and the cocoon and the uncocooning of the

994
00:52:57,160 --> 00:52:59,880
Speaker 2: woman that you are has been really, really, really beautiful.

995
00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:02,080
Speaker 2: And I'm proud of you. And I know this has

996
00:53:02,120 --> 00:53:03,920
Speaker 2: been a tough year for you, and I know it's

997
00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:06,520
Speaker 2: been an extremely successful year for you too, And I

998
00:53:06,560 --> 00:53:09,440
Speaker 2: know it's been a lot of ups and downs, and

999
00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:12,800
Speaker 2: I think that's difficult as women. We're experiencing really grand

1000
00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:17,480
Speaker 2: things alongside things that are like disheartening and sad, and

1001
00:53:17,520 --> 00:53:20,640
Speaker 2: I know it's a weird place to be sometimes. But

1002
00:53:21,760 --> 00:53:24,920
Speaker 2: it is your birthday, so I got you a little surprise,

1003
00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:26,600
Speaker 2: and I just want to tell you that I love

1004
00:53:26,600 --> 00:53:28,560
Speaker 2: you so much. I love you too, and I'm very

1005
00:53:28,600 --> 00:53:31,200
Speaker 2: proud of you and the woman that you've become and

1006
00:53:31,239 --> 00:53:34,440
Speaker 2: that I've gotten to witness and you witnessing yourself do

1007
00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:38,000
Speaker 2: the work and just being self aware and saying, you

1008
00:53:38,000 --> 00:53:39,600
Speaker 2: know what, I'm going to let this go and I'm

1009
00:53:39,640 --> 00:53:40,920
Speaker 2: going to pick this up and I'm going to do

1010
00:53:40,960 --> 00:53:43,839
Speaker 2: this work and just you know, allowing yourself to do

1011
00:53:43,880 --> 00:53:46,080
Speaker 2: that has been very beautiful. So you just wait here.

1012
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:47,200
Speaker 2: I'll be right back. Thank you.

1013
00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:53,040
Speaker 4: Happy birthday. I love you, thank you, thank you.

1014
00:53:53,920 --> 00:53:55,640
Speaker 6: Yeah, you've had such an amazing year.

1015
00:53:55,760 --> 00:54:00,279
Speaker 7: Wow birthday too you.

1016
00:54:01,560 --> 00:54:04,560
Speaker 2: Happy birthday to you.

1017
00:54:05,680 --> 00:54:12,399
Speaker 3: Happy birthday, dear Erica Dee, birthday.

1018
00:54:11,880 --> 00:54:18,960
Speaker 7: To hm hmmm that was the white version, but happy

1019
00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:29,719
Speaker 7: birthday to yeah, h birthday to yeah, Happy birthday, thank you.

1020
00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:44,319
Speaker 4: Mm hmmm, A love I love you, thank you.

1021
00:54:44,640 --> 00:54:48,560
Speaker 2: I wonder what the like the ritualistic candle means no one?

1022
00:54:48,760 --> 00:54:50,880
Speaker 2: I wonder, like, why do we blow out candles on

1023
00:54:50,960 --> 00:54:51,319
Speaker 2: the cake?

1024
00:54:52,520 --> 00:54:55,080
Speaker 6: I know it's interesting because actually in ritual they say,

1025
00:54:55,360 --> 00:54:58,640
Speaker 6: you know, not to ever put out fire with your breath.

1026
00:54:58,719 --> 00:55:00,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, they say that like put it with your Yeah.

1027
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:02,200
Speaker 4: Wow, fucked up?

1028
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:05,439
Speaker 2: Oh my god. I wonder.

1029
00:55:05,600 --> 00:55:08,439
Speaker 6: I wonder if you know what I I just found

1030
00:55:08,480 --> 00:55:13,000
Speaker 6: out recently from one of my my amazing teachers in

1031
00:55:13,200 --> 00:55:17,160
Speaker 6: Vedic philosophy and astrology. He was sharing that there are

1032
00:55:17,280 --> 00:55:22,160
Speaker 6: Vedic mantras that you use before prayer that are specifically

1033
00:55:22,440 --> 00:55:25,680
Speaker 6: prayers about how you're gonna get it wrong. So it's

1034
00:55:25,719 --> 00:55:27,960
Speaker 6: like if I mispronounce any words. If I do any

1035
00:55:28,040 --> 00:55:31,600
Speaker 6: part of this ritual incorrectly, please forgive me in advance

1036
00:55:31,760 --> 00:55:35,200
Speaker 6: and take my intention so that it's done correctly, and

1037
00:55:35,280 --> 00:55:36,720
Speaker 6: so like, Yeah, so are you fine?

1038
00:55:36,760 --> 00:55:42,480
Speaker 4: Okay? Cool, commented with all all the best intentions. So

1039
00:55:42,560 --> 00:55:43,800
Speaker 4: thank you, You're welcome.

1040
00:55:43,840 --> 00:55:45,799
Speaker 2: I love. I'm very happy to spend this birthday with

1041
00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:47,399
Speaker 2: you for another year.

1042
00:55:47,640 --> 00:55:51,040
Speaker 4: Thank you, Debbie. Do you have an affirmation for us? Maybe?

1043
00:55:51,120 --> 00:55:51,400
Speaker 4: Or for me?

1044
00:55:51,840 --> 00:55:52,080
Speaker 2: Yes?

1045
00:55:53,040 --> 00:55:54,480
Speaker 4: For me, have a birthday affirmation.

1046
00:55:55,440 --> 00:55:58,160
Speaker 6: I'm really excited to share this affirmation with you because

1047
00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:02,960
Speaker 6: it has created miraculous energy in my life. It's like

1048
00:56:03,280 --> 00:56:07,839
Speaker 6: shifted so much. And I say it especially anytime I'm

1049
00:56:07,880 --> 00:56:10,600
Speaker 6: in a crowded space or I need help or really

1050
00:56:10,600 --> 00:56:15,000
Speaker 6: to start my day. But I created this affirmation a

1051
00:56:15,000 --> 00:56:21,160
Speaker 6: couple of years ago, and it is I accept no

1052
00:56:21,840 --> 00:56:29,560
Speaker 6: start over. I attract experience and receive the highest version

1053
00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:32,080
Speaker 6: of every being whom I encounter.

1054
00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:40,000
Speaker 3: I attract experience and receive the highest version of every

1055
00:56:40,160 --> 00:56:41,880
Speaker 3: being encounter.

1056
00:56:42,640 --> 00:56:46,160
Speaker 6: Yeah. The way that that's worked in my life is,

1057
00:56:46,600 --> 00:56:49,640
Speaker 6: you know, when you do the work right. We still

1058
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:51,600
Speaker 6: live in a world of everyone else who may not

1059
00:56:51,719 --> 00:56:55,759
Speaker 6: have or people at different places in their process and

1060
00:56:56,520 --> 00:56:59,680
Speaker 6: I found that one that affirmation extends a lot of

1061
00:56:59,719 --> 00:57:02,920
Speaker 6: great from my heart outwardly for people in their process,

1062
00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:08,800
Speaker 6: but it also has miraculously kind of transform my experiences

1063
00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:11,440
Speaker 6: that I don't know who the person may be to

1064
00:57:11,480 --> 00:57:14,479
Speaker 6: anybody else or who they are the rest of their day,

1065
00:57:14,920 --> 00:57:18,440
Speaker 6: but when they're in front of me, I'm always experiencing

1066
00:57:18,600 --> 00:57:21,840
Speaker 6: the best of who that person can be. And I've

1067
00:57:21,920 --> 00:57:24,720
Speaker 6: used that at airports, like literally where there's two hundred

1068
00:57:24,720 --> 00:57:26,680
Speaker 6: people stranded standing outside and I'm.

1069
00:57:26,520 --> 00:57:29,040
Speaker 3: Like, man, curse everyone else out.

1070
00:57:29,160 --> 00:57:30,920
Speaker 4: Or when she got to you, she was kind.

1071
00:57:31,000 --> 00:57:33,200
Speaker 6: Literally like, you know what, come on, I'm gonna take

1072
00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:36,120
Speaker 6: you the secret way lest go. So like I started

1073
00:57:36,160 --> 00:57:39,160
Speaker 6: having all those kind of experiences. So it's worked beautifully

1074
00:57:39,200 --> 00:57:43,360
Speaker 6: in my life. I think it helps us really open

1075
00:57:43,400 --> 00:57:46,840
Speaker 6: our hearts to the belief that there can be good

1076
00:57:46,840 --> 00:57:49,360
Speaker 6: outcomes even in the most stressful environments.

1077
00:57:49,960 --> 00:57:52,240
Speaker 2: I commend that because as you know, as we do

1078
00:57:52,280 --> 00:57:55,360
Speaker 2: the work, and it becomes much more challenging to experience

1079
00:57:55,440 --> 00:57:59,920
Speaker 2: people who who haven't or are not aware or you know,

1080
00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:02,360
Speaker 2: it's just it becomes more challenging, and then you're like,

1081
00:58:02,400 --> 00:58:04,200
Speaker 2: what the fuck God, And then you can go into

1082
00:58:04,240 --> 00:58:06,200
Speaker 2: that realm where you're like, I'm above all the shit,

1083
00:58:06,440 --> 00:58:09,720
Speaker 2: including all you know, it's easy to go into ego

1084
00:58:09,760 --> 00:58:13,120
Speaker 2: when you experience people, yes, to separate yourself, but the

1085
00:58:13,120 --> 00:58:15,320
Speaker 2: truth is we're all human, and we're all like mirrors

1086
00:58:15,400 --> 00:58:17,560
Speaker 2: to each other, and we're all different versions of ourselves

1087
00:58:17,600 --> 00:58:19,840
Speaker 2: at different times, and like it gives you, you know,

1088
00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:23,360
Speaker 2: they have compassion for people who are just like ignorant

1089
00:58:23,400 --> 00:58:26,040
Speaker 2: and they're bliss and their ignorance, and you know, sometimes

1090
00:58:26,120 --> 00:58:29,720
Speaker 2: that's for the safety of everyone, but also just preparing

1091
00:58:29,720 --> 00:58:33,200
Speaker 2: yourself to know and give compassion for experiencing people who

1092
00:58:33,240 --> 00:58:35,000
Speaker 2: are not the same place that you are, and then

1093
00:58:35,320 --> 00:58:39,320
Speaker 2: feeling okay with having that discriminative awareness to allow those

1094
00:58:39,360 --> 00:58:42,360
Speaker 2: people to flow out and know that that's energy that

1095
00:58:42,400 --> 00:58:44,919
Speaker 2: you cannot hold on to and that you cannot keep,

1096
00:58:44,960 --> 00:58:47,240
Speaker 2: and that your purpose is so much bigger in this

1097
00:58:47,360 --> 00:58:49,920
Speaker 2: life or your purpose is this, and that purpose and

1098
00:58:49,960 --> 00:58:51,880
Speaker 2: that lesson is that and in order for you to

1099
00:58:51,920 --> 00:58:54,800
Speaker 2: fulfill your purpose, you have to release those people. And

1100
00:58:54,920 --> 00:58:57,240
Speaker 2: not in a negative where I'm higher or better than

1101
00:58:57,280 --> 00:58:58,840
Speaker 2: you weigh, but just for me to do what I

1102
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:01,400
Speaker 2: need to do, I got to exit left hell.

1103
00:59:01,480 --> 00:59:05,480
Speaker 3: Yes, well, before we get out of here because they

1104
00:59:05,480 --> 00:59:11,000
Speaker 3: gotta go. You pulled the nine swords, So I don't

1105
00:59:11,040 --> 00:59:12,960
Speaker 3: do you do you want to speak to this how

1106
00:59:12,960 --> 00:59:15,120
Speaker 3: this translates to you?

1107
00:59:15,360 --> 00:59:17,920
Speaker 4: Or I can? I can just read it? Okay?

1108
00:59:17,960 --> 00:59:20,520
Speaker 6: All right, Well let's not I don't. I don't know

1109
00:59:20,520 --> 00:59:22,480
Speaker 6: if this was a card for me personally or if

1110
00:59:22,520 --> 00:59:25,560
Speaker 6: it's for the collective. Okay, could so either I don't

1111
00:59:25,560 --> 00:59:27,560
Speaker 6: know whether I'll accept and receive this or not.

1112
00:59:28,320 --> 00:59:30,480
Speaker 4: You don't have to, okay.

1113
00:59:30,560 --> 00:59:37,160
Speaker 3: So reversed inner turmoil, deep seated fears, secrets, releasing worry.

1114
00:59:38,640 --> 00:59:40,960
Speaker 3: So the Nine of Swords reverse shows that you are

1115
00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:44,360
Speaker 3: experiencing deep inner turmoil as a result of your mindset.

1116
00:59:44,640 --> 00:59:47,080
Speaker 3: Your negative thoughts are taking you in a downward spiral

1117
00:59:47,120 --> 00:59:50,440
Speaker 3: of despair and anxiety that contradicts reality. You are making

1118
00:59:50,480 --> 00:59:53,240
Speaker 3: things feel much worse than they really are. You may

1119
00:59:53,280 --> 00:59:55,320
Speaker 3: try to keep your worries private and personal to you,

1120
00:59:55,640 --> 00:59:57,560
Speaker 3: but if you are struggling to keep your head above water,

1121
00:59:57,640 --> 00:59:59,760
Speaker 3: it may now be time to confide in others and

1122
00:59:59,800 --> 01:00:02,520
Speaker 3: see their help and support. Others will offer you a

1123
01:00:02,560 --> 01:00:05,080
Speaker 3: new perspective or even just a place to vent that

1124
01:00:05,160 --> 01:00:08,000
Speaker 3: will ease some of the stress and tension. The reverse

1125
01:00:08,080 --> 01:00:09,720
Speaker 3: nine of Swords can also point out that you are

1126
01:00:09,760 --> 01:00:13,040
Speaker 3: incredibly hard on yourself, putting yourself down, or engaging in

1127
01:00:13,080 --> 01:00:16,080
Speaker 3: negative self talk. So when the Nine of Swords reversed

1128
01:00:16,080 --> 01:00:18,680
Speaker 3: appears in a reading, ask yourself, why are you so

1129
01:00:18,760 --> 01:00:21,280
Speaker 3: hard on yourself? How are you putting yourself down? And

1130
01:00:21,320 --> 01:00:23,920
Speaker 3: what is the source of your depression? What can you

1131
01:00:23,920 --> 01:00:27,080
Speaker 3: do to make yourself feel better? On a more positive note,

1132
01:00:27,280 --> 01:00:29,560
Speaker 3: the Nine of Swords reverse can show that you have

1133
01:00:29,640 --> 01:00:32,000
Speaker 3: already worked through this period of worry and depression and

1134
01:00:32,040 --> 01:00:34,560
Speaker 3: are making a recovery. You may have come to a

1135
01:00:34,560 --> 01:00:36,560
Speaker 3: realization that things are not as bad as you made

1136
01:00:36,560 --> 01:00:38,760
Speaker 3: them out to be, and you are beginning to relax

1137
01:00:38,840 --> 01:00:42,680
Speaker 3: and calm yourself about what was once a terrifying situation.

1138
01:00:45,320 --> 01:00:48,840
Speaker 6: That doesn't feel resonant for me, I think if I

1139
01:00:48,880 --> 01:00:51,760
Speaker 6: think of turmoil. Something I shared with you before we

1140
01:00:51,840 --> 01:00:55,200
Speaker 6: walked in here is my travel schedule for work is nuts.

1141
01:00:55,280 --> 01:00:57,560
Speaker 6: And so definitely today I was in a lot of

1142
01:00:57,600 --> 01:00:59,560
Speaker 6: stress of like, wow, you're going to be gone most

1143
01:00:59,560 --> 01:01:02,920
Speaker 6: of Novema, okay, and then how do we do this?

1144
01:01:03,000 --> 01:01:06,600
Speaker 6: And just kind of thinking about the process of being

1145
01:01:06,640 --> 01:01:10,760
Speaker 6: a mom and doing that much. But yeah, I feel

1146
01:01:10,840 --> 01:01:14,240
Speaker 6: really in my life and in my process, I feel

1147
01:01:14,360 --> 01:01:21,000
Speaker 6: clearer than I've ever felt, and I feel more an

1148
01:01:21,040 --> 01:01:25,000
Speaker 6: acceptance of in grace with and in flow with my

1149
01:01:25,080 --> 01:01:27,840
Speaker 6: life than I think i've ever been beautiful.

1150
01:01:28,360 --> 01:01:30,000
Speaker 3: Well, maybe this card if it's not for you, but

1151
01:01:30,080 --> 01:01:32,280
Speaker 3: maybe if maybe it could be about my travel is

1152
01:01:32,320 --> 01:01:34,480
Speaker 3: that it's not going to be as bad as Yeah,

1153
01:01:35,360 --> 01:01:36,240
Speaker 3: it's gonna be good.

1154
01:01:36,280 --> 01:01:37,240
Speaker 4: It's going to be easeful.

1155
01:01:37,680 --> 01:01:39,840
Speaker 3: Baby boy is going to be taken care of just fine,

1156
01:01:40,120 --> 01:01:43,040
Speaker 3: and you're going to go through have amazing encounters with

1157
01:01:43,160 --> 01:01:46,080
Speaker 3: people and experiences in your travels that are going to

1158
01:01:46,120 --> 01:01:48,680
Speaker 3: be really necessary to keep you in flow of what

1159
01:01:48,720 --> 01:01:52,200
Speaker 3: you're doing. Always, So thank you well, Debbie, it's always

1160
01:01:52,200 --> 01:01:54,840
Speaker 3: wonderful to have you on. If you guys haven't listened

1161
01:01:54,880 --> 01:01:57,000
Speaker 3: to Debbie's episode, we have an episode we did I

1162
01:01:57,000 --> 01:01:58,040
Speaker 3: think like almost.

1163
01:01:57,680 --> 01:02:00,000
Speaker 4: Two years ago. It was called Healing Your Inner.

1164
01:02:00,440 --> 01:02:02,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, we have one almost years ago with Debbie and

1165
01:02:02,160 --> 01:02:06,280
Speaker 2: then we're on her show last week. Yes, go check

1166
01:02:06,360 --> 01:02:11,000
Speaker 2: us out over there. Debbie's always dropping the spiritual gems.

1167
01:02:11,120 --> 01:02:13,400
Speaker 2: I love you. I'm always grateful to see you and

1168
01:02:13,960 --> 01:02:16,120
Speaker 2: get to converse, so I appreciate you very much.

1169
01:02:16,360 --> 01:02:17,680
Speaker 4: So where can our people find you.

1170
01:02:18,000 --> 01:02:20,360
Speaker 6: Thank you both so much. It is always like just

1171
01:02:20,400 --> 01:02:23,240
Speaker 6: such a privilege and truly such a joy to be

1172
01:02:23,320 --> 01:02:26,680
Speaker 6: in community with both of you, and just like be

1173
01:02:26,760 --> 01:02:30,920
Speaker 6: in this flow of our unique journey as women and

1174
01:02:31,440 --> 01:02:34,560
Speaker 6: as enlightened beings and as moms. You know, just like

1175
01:02:34,960 --> 01:02:38,560
Speaker 6: everything we spoke to on the show today was just

1176
01:02:38,640 --> 01:02:42,400
Speaker 6: so deep, and it's just I'm so glad we dove into,

1177
01:02:42,480 --> 01:02:44,760
Speaker 6: like all the nuance of what it is to do

1178
01:02:44,840 --> 01:02:47,000
Speaker 6: the work and where you find the pains and how

1179
01:02:47,040 --> 01:02:52,000
Speaker 6: you let it go. Everyone can, I always say, just

1180
01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:54,200
Speaker 6: connect with me on Instagram and click the link in bio.

1181
01:02:54,360 --> 01:02:57,680
Speaker 6: It'll link you to my website. I'm the voice of

1182
01:02:57,760 --> 01:03:00,560
Speaker 6: daily meditation on the choper apps. You can meditate with

1183
01:03:00,640 --> 01:03:04,800
Speaker 6: me three sixty five days a year. I have a

1184
01:03:04,840 --> 01:03:08,520
Speaker 6: few hundred meditations I've done on there, and my podcast

1185
01:03:08,600 --> 01:03:12,080
Speaker 6: is called Deeply Well. It's all about conversations in higher

1186
01:03:12,120 --> 01:03:16,240
Speaker 6: consciousness and self care. And I have a book, Crystal Bliss.

1187
01:03:16,280 --> 01:03:18,480
Speaker 6: I have a couple announcements coming in the coming weeks.

1188
01:03:18,480 --> 01:03:22,240
Speaker 6: But yeah, at Debbie Brown on my ig and click

1189
01:03:22,240 --> 01:03:23,040
Speaker 6: the link in the bio.

1190
01:03:23,560 --> 01:03:27,040
Speaker 3: Make sure you check out Debbie, And if you haven't already,

1191
01:03:27,080 --> 01:03:30,240
Speaker 3: please rate and review us on Apple Podcasts.

1192
01:03:30,440 --> 01:03:33,000
Speaker 4: Subscribe to our YouTube channel. If you're watching right now,

1193
01:03:33,120 --> 01:03:38,960
Speaker 4: just click that subscribe button and Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween,

1194
01:03:39,120 --> 01:03:40,080
Speaker 4: be safe.

1195
01:03:39,800 --> 01:03:43,240
Speaker 3: Put up your ancestor altars and send us your costumes.

1196
01:03:43,440 --> 01:03:46,000
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we love costumes through the Halloween Queens.

1197
01:03:46,560 --> 01:04:05,960
Speaker 4: Bye bye.

1198
01:04:06,440 --> 01:04:11,400
Speaker 2: Like this is gonnay Ellen j Solo baa record the

1199
01:04:11,640 --> 01:04:21,760
Speaker 2: Las Lashm