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Speaker 1: Double the baby good breast, Alma baby.

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Speaker 2: Tripple ed gooding with God for the girl.

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Speaker 1: And I just wanted to know, why are you able

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Speaker 1: to go ahead and work.

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Speaker 3: For our same work and you like this? He can't

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Speaker 3: take care of you like this? Now you're lost, lost san.

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Speaker 4: Naqita, Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.

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Speaker 5: I'm Aircraft and I'm Mela and we are in New York.

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Speaker 5: So excited we come back again. Our last our last

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Speaker 5: time were me and Jamila in New York. We did

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Speaker 5: an episode with Wheezy from Horrible Decisions and fast forward

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Speaker 5: to a year a year later, now we're doing it

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Speaker 5: again and New York has been cool. This weekend has

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Speaker 5: been a lot of drinking for me. This is the

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Speaker 5: first time I've been to New York. I'm like just

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Speaker 5: a chill not working in years, so like, I don't

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Speaker 5: not act, you're acting cry, but somehow I'm not hungover

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Speaker 5: me and really went to I don't know what we

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Speaker 5: did last night for no reason.

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Speaker 6: When we went to like a shady liquor store after hours,

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Speaker 6: I got like a bottle of the trail and from

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Speaker 6: a small window it's very shady.

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Speaker 2: Yeah it was.

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Speaker 4: I don't even know what we're doing there.

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Speaker 5: But anyway, I'm here. We're here, and we have a

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Speaker 5: special guest. We have Alex. I don't know what do

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Speaker 5: we go?

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Speaker 7: There's Alex Undune, alex Undun, Alexandra, Alex just not Lex

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Speaker 7: or LEXI. Yeah, because it comes from people on the

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Speaker 7: internet that have never met me. I know for a fact,

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Speaker 7: I've never introduced myself to anybody as Lex ever, so

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Speaker 7: I'm already like, I don't know you.

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Speaker 4: They're like, oh, you're trying, You're trying to like you know,

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Speaker 4: that's right.

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Speaker 5: But I've been following Alex for a while on Instagram.

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Speaker 4: I don't know how I found you. Just your beautiful face.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, that's about sounds out right. I was like, who's

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Speaker 8: this beautiful human ticket?

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Speaker 4: And then I realized that, you know, you were a parent.

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Speaker 5: I think I don't even know if I started following

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Speaker 5: before I was even a parent, who knows. But then

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Speaker 5: I realized you were a parent, and you know, you're

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Speaker 5: on a single parent journey just like.

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Speaker 4: Me and Jamila. And I was like, oh my god,

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Speaker 4: it'd be so cool if she came on.

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Speaker 6: So thank you, yeah, my pleasure, absolutely, thank you for

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Speaker 6: traveling come on like hours.

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Speaker 5: I was like, damn, that's kind of farll because when

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Speaker 5: I hit when I when we hit you up, I

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Speaker 5: originally thought you were out here.

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Speaker 4: So I was like, oh, it's all good, but you

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Speaker 4: know you're here.

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Speaker 8: You made it.

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Speaker 2: I appreciate it.

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Speaker 7: I love it, and I mean you guys being moms.

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Speaker 7: I didn't want to pass on this either, because these

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Speaker 7: are the these are the people that need to be

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Speaker 7: leading these kinds of conversations. So many other people like

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Speaker 7: to talk about motherhood and they they don't have any

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Speaker 7: experience to contribute to the pot. So I'm glad that

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Speaker 7: we're having this conversation.

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Speaker 4: So how old is your daughter? My daughter is eight?

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Speaker 2: She's eight?

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Speaker 4: Oh my god, Scorpio baby.

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Speaker 8: Oh yeah, wait, what's your sign?

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Speaker 7: I'm picies, but she's a Scorpio November seventeenth.

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Speaker 8: Oh, she's Scorpio spicy.

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Speaker 4: I'm October twenty fifth.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, October Scorpios are dangerous, are we?

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Speaker 8: I thought they're a milder. I thought you're a mild Oh.

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Speaker 5: I think it's also like I'm raised by Libra like

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Speaker 5: all those things taking and also you're really int astrology.

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Speaker 7: The moon's signed exact time you were kind of sort of.

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Speaker 7: I don't think it's going to dictate my day, depending

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Speaker 7: on how the clouds are aligned with some of the

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Speaker 7: trends some of the Yeah, some of the traits, the

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Speaker 7: character traits I think are really helpful if you use

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Speaker 7: them in terms of compatibility. That compatibility doesn't mean that

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Speaker 7: we're sink to be in a relationship. Co workers can

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Speaker 7: be compatible, but I do think that there's some truth there.

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Speaker 6: Well, we're all compatible because we're all time answers and scorpio.

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Speaker 6: So yeah, this is a flowing situation here.

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Speaker 7: Sure.

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Speaker 4: So sometimes we play this game with guests.

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Speaker 5: It's called trigger okay, and it's like it's just an

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Speaker 5: easy like icebreaker so that we can get to know

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Speaker 5: you quickly. Our guests can get to know who you

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Speaker 5: are quickly. I mean obviously they won't know everything is

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Speaker 5: they're just basically the game is we say a word, and.

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Speaker 4: You say the first thing that comes to mind.

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Speaker 5: Okay, okay, okay, So this is a trigger.

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Speaker 4: I need to put it like that, like.

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Speaker 7: Show the clips.

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Speaker 9: Definitely do Alex Undunn version get ready, I think so.

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Speaker 9: Date of birth February nineteenth.

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Speaker 6: Favorite color blue, Harlem, New York, Aladdin Ooh, what's miss

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Speaker 6: Naomi Campbell? She's flawless, croissant versus bagels, bagels, boxers.

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Speaker 8: Or briefs both? Sexuality, fluid trump?

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Speaker 2: Is that a word?

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Speaker 8: Pretty much? What it describes him? It is? I love

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Speaker 8: her money?

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Speaker 4: Can I love my money?

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Speaker 8: I love the shade room, Listen the tea Beyonce or Solange?

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Speaker 4: Solange?

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Speaker 6: Why would you whisper? Does anyone's gonna have?

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Speaker 7: I feel like I'm letting people down, Like there's the like,

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Speaker 7: oh my god.

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Speaker 4: Like what know?

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Speaker 7: How could you? So?

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Speaker 4: They're both good as a woman.

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Speaker 6: Identity Ah, sorry, so much comes to mind.

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Speaker 7: I can't limit it to one word. Identity.

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Speaker 4: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 7: Mother mother, ring comes to mind when I hear the

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Speaker 7: word mother father, hmm.

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Speaker 6: Essential, the Kardashians, next, Vagina love it birth hard family.

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Speaker 4: Uh vital?

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Speaker 8: Fuck boy? No?

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Speaker 6: Too many Instagram models.

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Speaker 7: You know there's room for everybody, but there's a lot

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Speaker 7: of people sucking up the money right now.

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Speaker 4: La narcissists.

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Speaker 8: Oh okay, do you know that's where we're from?

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Speaker 4: Top model, subjective.

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Speaker 8: Gucci?

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Speaker 7: Are we still supporting them? Woycotting that?

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Speaker 8: I think it were?

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Speaker 9: They're still crossed up okay, okay, childhood MM traumatizing pregnancy, traumatizing.

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Speaker 8: Body dysmorphia.

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Speaker 7: Uh. For the longest, I didn't think that that was

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Speaker 7: the title to describe me. But it might be MM.

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Speaker 7: Self care um daily touching my mic Just as I'm

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Speaker 7: scared of triggers, I'm genifying them.

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Speaker 8: Women love them, man, I love him too. Plastic surgery.

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Speaker 4: For it.

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Speaker 8: They're stressing me out. Walking by politics MM.

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Speaker 7: I used to not before it, but it's a privilege

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Speaker 7: to not be for it.

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Speaker 8: Sucks. Wish I had more of it. Celibacy MM not

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Speaker 8: for everyone. Single mom.

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Speaker 4: It's a journey.

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Speaker 7: Michael Jackson. Ooh, I'm still on the fence. I haven't

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Speaker 7: seen the documentary yet.

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Speaker 8: Oh, that's the documentary.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, self harm relatable Unfortunately, therapy.

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Speaker 7: I'm in therapy. It's so good. I'm a huge advocate

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Speaker 7: of therapy.

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Speaker 10: Oprah Mama text or call text, passion, dying insecurity, growing,

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Speaker 10: true love, rare, fantasy.

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Speaker 7: Mis misconstrued for reality, idle time, pet peeve MM, people

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Speaker 7: that fiend familiarity and caught me lex. Biggest regret not

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Speaker 7: going to college, not finishing college.

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Speaker 8: Favorite porn category? Do I have a favorite? I just

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Speaker 8: did that in there, that was even written down.

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Speaker 9: You know.

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Speaker 7: Interestingly enough, I found myself watching guy on guy porn

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Speaker 7: because the girl on girl porn I feel like was

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Speaker 7: made for men. So any real lesbian or byperson watching

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Speaker 7: it can't relate because it's so I mean, obviously it's porn,

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Speaker 7: it's all performative, but I watch it.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, that's not what we do.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, I'm not a lesbian port watch. I do like watching. Yeah,

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Speaker 8: it's not really popular. When you tell people.

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Speaker 6: They can't really, I'm happy you confess because last time.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, I've never mind. I don't think we can watch

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Speaker 7: porn together. Yeah, whose isn't gonna work out?

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Speaker 8: I don't know.

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Speaker 4: I've watched. I've watched like a guy not it can't Nope,

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Speaker 4: not into it.

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Speaker 6: No, I don't really know what my obsession is with

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Speaker 6: it either. It's not my only category, but it's it's

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Speaker 6: like it's a go to for you maybe yeah, along

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Speaker 6: with some other weird shits.

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Speaker 8: So I probably needed, probably need to dissect that.

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Speaker 7: I think if equal parts like fascination and curiosity and.

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Speaker 6: Then like aggressive, yeah they are, I mean they're men.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I would assume. I'm just gonna check this because

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Speaker 4: I'm getting sure, Okay, make sure everything.

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Speaker 8: Wait, what was your childhood trigger? What did you say?

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Speaker 7: Probably did traumatizing?

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Speaker 6: Traumatizing because your childhood was traumatizing, because childhood could be

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Speaker 6: traumatizing period.

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Speaker 7: Like No, I had a good childhood overall, but I

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Speaker 7: just had so many feelings I didn't know what to

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Speaker 7: do with. I didn't know how to cope. I didn't

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Speaker 7: know how to express what I was feeling. So I

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Speaker 7: think that a lot of my experiences were harder than

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Speaker 7: they had to be because I didn't have the support

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Speaker 7: because nobody knew that I needed it. I was so

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Speaker 7: good at covering my tracks and smiling through everything.

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Speaker 4: Were you Are you an only child?

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Speaker 7: No, I'm the middle of three all girls, though.

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Speaker 4: I'll cross do we say that middle child?

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Speaker 7: I'm just I know they say something about that middle child.

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Speaker 5: I was always so you said you were good at

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Speaker 5: covering and acting.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 7: My mom found out half the stuff that went on

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Speaker 7: with me when she joined Instagram as of late, because

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Speaker 7: I'm more expressive as a writer than I am when

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Speaker 7: I speak, or just I don't know, with family members

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Speaker 7: and people I care about, there's a lot that I

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Speaker 7: don't share, so when she got on Instagram and read

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Speaker 7: my captions and really saw how transparent and vulnerable I was,

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Speaker 7: she was like, wow, also, ouch.

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Speaker 4: I didn't you know? I didn't know, right.

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Speaker 5: I mean, as a parent, you probably feel like a like,

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Speaker 5: what could I have done?

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Speaker 4: Right?

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Speaker 8: Right? Right?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 4: And so where did you grow up?

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Speaker 7: I grew up in Germany?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, Germany.

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Speaker 7: Dad was army, so it was a military brat. And

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Speaker 7: then my mom is German, so born and raised over there.

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Speaker 8: So your dad met your mom while he's like out there.

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Speaker 7: And he was stationed out there. She was working for

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Speaker 7: the German military at the time. They met at some

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Speaker 7: nightclub off base, and there is this history and.

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Speaker 8: They're still married now.

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Speaker 4: Beautiful. So what you're German and black? Okay?

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Speaker 6: Cool?

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Speaker 4: Beautiful?

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Speaker 8: Oh, don't have another friend in Germany? I mean, I mean.

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Speaker 4: You speak German?

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Speaker 7: I do?

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Speaker 8: Did you as speak German?

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Speaker 7: Too?

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Speaker 5: No?

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Speaker 7: He can say, like, the German word for beer is

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Speaker 7: the same as it is in English and be a

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Speaker 7: bit you just spell it differently. So he can do

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Speaker 7: like a few words like that that don't require much.

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Speaker 6: Effort, that sound like lett right there, that doesn't even

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Speaker 6: sound like beer. Okay, I want to when I get

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Speaker 6: to Germany. You said your daughters eight. Yes, So because

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Speaker 6: you feel like you didn't talk a lot growing up,

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Speaker 6: or there was feelings that you couldn't process. How has

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Speaker 6: that affected like how you're mothering her, so that like

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Speaker 6: your transparency seeps into that.

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Speaker 7: I am really mindful. I am very observant because in

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Speaker 7: some way sh she doesn't express either, and I feel

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Speaker 7: like she's.

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Speaker 4: A lot like me.

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Speaker 7: And then I also don't wanna We have the tendency

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Speaker 7: to think that our kids need what we needed, and

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Speaker 7: that's not always the case. So right, so that's just

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Speaker 7: something that I try to watch out for. But I

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Speaker 7: noticed when she's discontent, and I try to give her

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Speaker 7: a few minutes to herself so that she can process

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Speaker 7: her own feelings.

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Speaker 4: And then I knock on the.

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Speaker 7: Door and I say, okay, you know, we we have

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Speaker 7: to have this conversation right now, cause I just I

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Speaker 7: don't wanted to go and addressed because I know what

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Speaker 7: happened to me when my feelings went unaddressed.

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Speaker 8: You know how old were you when you hatter?

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Speaker 4: I was nineteen. Oh you pretty good?

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Speaker 8: Were you and the guy in a relationship? How's your

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Speaker 8: relationship now? How's co parenting.

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Speaker 7: We were both fresh out of high school. Well, we

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Speaker 7: had been out of high school for a year, and

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Speaker 7: he was set to go to the military, and when

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Speaker 7: he was off in basic training, that's when I found

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Speaker 7: out that I was pregnant. So I had to call

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Speaker 7: him and told him via phone. It was a very

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Speaker 7: short relationship. My heart wasn't in it. I didn't know

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Speaker 7: what love was. I had nothing to compare it to.

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Speaker 7: I knew it wasn't this fairy tale feeling that you

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Speaker 7: know would overcome you, and that it was something you

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Speaker 7: had to work for. So I thought that with her dad, Okay,

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Speaker 7: well maybe we just have to work at it. But

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Speaker 7: what I know now is is that you should feel something,

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Speaker 7: you know, even if it was just like a little spark.

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Speaker 7: You know, you might have to work to keep that spark,

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Speaker 7: but you should feel something. There was there.

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Speaker 4: It was in the beginning.

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Speaker 7: There wasn't high schools are no, not even And unfortunately

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Speaker 7: her dad, he was really infatuated with me in the beginning.

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Speaker 7: But what that meant for me was that I never

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Speaker 7: had an opportunity to catch up. You know, because while

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Speaker 7: I'm still trying to figure out if I like you were,

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Speaker 7: how invested.

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Speaker 2: I am.

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Speaker 7: You know, he was in love and I just I

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Speaker 7: was never able to catch up to that.

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Speaker 4: So does he have other kids now or no, he's married.

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Speaker 7: We have a court order in place though we handled

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Speaker 7: it that way, and she sees him a few times

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Speaker 7: a year. Does he live close not at all? Military family. Yeah,

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Speaker 7: so he's in Texas.

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Speaker 4: Okay, how is that?

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Speaker 2: Like?

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Speaker 6: So he's remarried and you had to send her with him,

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Speaker 6: like a few times a year.

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Speaker 8: Have you met that wife? Yeah?

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Speaker 7: That was It's so crazy because I never saw my

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Speaker 7: life going this way by no means do. I don't

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Speaker 7: think anybody what you think is gonna happen and then

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Speaker 7: what actually happens. Not that I regret my daughter at all,

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Speaker 7: but I didn't think that I would come into motherhood

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Speaker 7: this way.

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Speaker 8: She was.

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Speaker 7: Lily's stepmom and her dad were both stationed together and

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Speaker 7: got married while they were away. So I had to

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Speaker 7: be the one to tell Lily, Hey, not only is

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Speaker 7: daddy dating some money daddy, he has a wife. So

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Speaker 7: that was kind of like I didn't like being put

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Speaker 7: in that position. Well why didn't he tell her that

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Speaker 7: right that far? So that's where I feel like I

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Speaker 7: slipped up. I'm like, oh man, that was your responsibility,

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Speaker 7: and I really did a lot of labor there for you,

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Speaker 7: So I let him know. Now, I'm like, listen, whatever

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Speaker 7: babies you guys might pop out, don't look to me.

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Speaker 7: You know, that's the conversation that you got to have

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Speaker 7: with her. If she has a sibling on the way,

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Speaker 7: I can't do your dirty work right.

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Speaker 8: But you guys are cool through the wife and you

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Speaker 8: and we're civil.

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Speaker 4: We're civil.

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Speaker 5: I just can't imagine, like, because I'm a single parent,

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Speaker 5: you know her father, I don't know who is you

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Speaker 5: would date, but like the he lives and he lives

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Speaker 5: in my estate, so I can imagine like if you're

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Speaker 5: the father of your child is somewhere else, your daughter

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Speaker 5: doesn't see him all the time, is married out to

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Speaker 5: a woman that you don't really know, and then sending

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Speaker 5: them away every summer when you you know the routine,

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Speaker 5: you know her routine, you know what she needs, you

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Speaker 5: know what she eats, you know what she you know,

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Speaker 5: and like there's been all this space and time between

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Speaker 5: their relationship and I don't know, like how often they

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Speaker 5: talk whatever, and then sending your kid over there.

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Speaker 4: I mean, actually, my mom, I know felt like that

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Speaker 4: a lot in the summertimes.

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Speaker 5: I would get sent to Texas to go spend time

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Speaker 5: with my family there, and I could like she would

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Speaker 5: feel like, but yeah, like coming on, are you okay?

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Speaker 4: You're eating? Did you eat three meals?

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Speaker 6: Like?

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Speaker 5: Especially, I don't know, like she's eight now, so but

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Speaker 5: when she's younger, even younger, like does he know how

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Speaker 5: to take.

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Speaker 8: Care of her? Is he going to bathe her? Like?

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Speaker 4: All those things.

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Speaker 7: It's pretty anxiety inducing to think about because this summer

350
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Speaker 7: is actually the first time that we've worked our way

351
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Speaker 7: up to overnight visits. All the court stuff has been

352
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:41,960
Speaker 7: a recent transaction, so before then it was just you know, visits,

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Speaker 7: but I was still always there or if he did

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Speaker 7: take her during the day, I knew that she was

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Speaker 7: coming back.

356
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Speaker 4: Oh it wasn't like you were just right?

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Speaker 8: Is that because that was his request or you didn't

358
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Speaker 8: want her to spend the night?

359
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Speaker 7: Well, it just it didn't It didn't work out. You know,

360
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Speaker 7: to you have to be very present to co parent.

361
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Speaker 7: And I just want to say, but I know me,

362
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Speaker 7: am I bashing anybody? But I can't fill in the

363
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:09,840
Speaker 7: gaps and add events that just haven't transpired. You know

364
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Speaker 7: it requires effort on both parts, and that was part

365
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Speaker 7: of the reason that I chose to go to court,

366
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Speaker 7: because I feel like, while it is absolutely essential, you

367
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,280
Speaker 7: know the importance of having a male figure in a

368
00:18:22,359 --> 00:18:26,520
Speaker 7: child's life and a female figure is detrimental. I'm not

369
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Speaker 7: gonna let that be the reason I allow you to

370
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,920
Speaker 7: come in and out at your leisure. We're gonna put

371
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:36,359
Speaker 7: some routine and schedule behind this, or you're not gonna

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Speaker 7: see her at all, because I'll be damned if I

373
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Speaker 7: have a daughter that has daddy issues, because you're this

374
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:45,800
Speaker 7: is a revolving door situation. And so that's when we

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Speaker 7: went to court, and that was also it's a hard

376
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Speaker 7: thing being in a courtroom in front of a judge,

377
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Speaker 7: even though you know you haven't done anything wrong, and

378
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:58,800
Speaker 7: you're going advocating for your child because your entire family

379
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:01,440
Speaker 7: is a stack of paper right now and somebody's making

380
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:04,040
Speaker 7: a decision and they don't even know you and him

381
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:06,240
Speaker 7: being a military member at the end of the day,

382
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:09,000
Speaker 7: we live in America, that looks very patriotic and wholesome

383
00:19:09,359 --> 00:19:13,399
Speaker 7: on paper stacked up against the model. So for that reason,

384
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Speaker 7: I waited seven years before I took him to court

385
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:18,840
Speaker 7: because I wanted the judge to see, Hey, listen, he

386
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:21,760
Speaker 7: hasn't been gone because of the military. It's not a

387
00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:24,720
Speaker 7: deployment that's been keeping him away. I have been pulling

388
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Speaker 7: double duty for seven years. And mind you, I know

389
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Speaker 7: how the military works. I grew up in the military.

390
00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:33,560
Speaker 7: You get leave, they make you take leave at a

391
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:37,920
Speaker 7: certain point. You can't just rack up your days to infinity.

392
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,360
Speaker 7: And so that's why we went to court, and that's

393
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Speaker 7: why I said that we were only civil because it's

394
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Speaker 7: just I can't be friends with somebody that's not putting

395
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,800
Speaker 7: forth the same effort that I am. I'm gonna respect

396
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,560
Speaker 7: you because you're still her father, but we are not friends.

397
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:55,080
Speaker 5: Well, because she's the most important thing in your life, right,

398
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,720
Speaker 5: And when you have when you share that with someone

399
00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:00,200
Speaker 5: else and they don't and you don't feel like they

400
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:01,720
Speaker 5: they're putting forth the effort.

401
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,920
Speaker 4: That you were, right, you can't help but feel a little.

402
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:04,440
Speaker 7: Right.

403
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,760
Speaker 6: I mean, in general, list I wouldn't have a I

404
00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:08,960
Speaker 6: wouldn't even be fr have a homegirl that I thought

405
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,000
Speaker 6: was like a half assed mom, right, I wouldn't be

406
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:11,520
Speaker 6: friends with.

407
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:12,320
Speaker 8: The guy that I was like.

408
00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:13,879
Speaker 6: So where how often do you see, I'll ask a

409
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:15,520
Speaker 6: guy if you have kids where I could live?

410
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:16,760
Speaker 8: How often you see that? Guy?

411
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,399
Speaker 6: If it's the answers that I up to power, in

412
00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:20,639
Speaker 6: my opinion, I'm not gonna like you like that like

413
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:21,880
Speaker 6: name if I ever.

414
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,040
Speaker 7: I mean, obviously, before I had a kid, I was

415
00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:27,240
Speaker 7: very selfish, and I knew right away I didn't wanna

416
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:29,840
Speaker 7: talk to anybody with kids. I wanna be number one.

417
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,560
Speaker 7: I'm not interested in seeing that drop down wallet of

418
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,520
Speaker 7: and this is little Timmy when easy and I was like, no,

419
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:37,200
Speaker 7: if you have a kid, I I don't want any

420
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,480
Speaker 7: parts of you. But obviously, now that I'm a mother,

421
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,560
Speaker 7: I've changed, I've grown up, I've evolved. I would definitely

422
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:44,439
Speaker 7: entertain the idea of somebody with the kid, but my

423
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:46,879
Speaker 7: first line of questions are gonna be just like you are, So,

424
00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:48,640
Speaker 7: do you have kids? How often do you see them?

425
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:50,000
Speaker 4: Where are they? What's their favorite color?

426
00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:51,200
Speaker 7: Well, what's your teacher's name?

427
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:51,439
Speaker 6: You know?

428
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Speaker 8: Right?

429
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,879
Speaker 7: The oh, day to day parent. No, it's not a

430
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:58,760
Speaker 7: weekend parent, right. No. So, but Lily's eight, she's old

431
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,760
Speaker 7: enough to speak up. She has an iPad so that

432
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:05,040
Speaker 7: I can FaceTime her, and she's always available and accessible.

433
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:08,320
Speaker 7: To me, so I know that if anything were to happen,

434
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:10,320
Speaker 7: my baby could reach me right, you know. And he's

435
00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:11,920
Speaker 7: he he may not be the best dad in the world,

436
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:12,960
Speaker 7: but he's he's not a criminal.

437
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:13,199
Speaker 2: You know.

438
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:17,320
Speaker 4: I think that he would ever harm her. How is

439
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:21,320
Speaker 4: it raising you know, a daughter or just a child?

440
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,159
Speaker 5: Like, I know you don't live here anymore, but in

441
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,760
Speaker 5: New York City, because like when I got pregnant, I

442
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:27,679
Speaker 5: actually was living in New York and.

443
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Speaker 8: Well, I left, I gotta go.

444
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,480
Speaker 5: I found out I was pregnant, and then I was like,

445
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:37,000
Speaker 5: her father lived in LA and my family lives in LA.

446
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:38,600
Speaker 5: I was like, there's no reason for me to be here,

447
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:40,520
Speaker 5: even though I wanted to stay so bad, I knew

448
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:42,959
Speaker 5: that I needed that support. And I also couldn't imagine

449
00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:45,480
Speaker 5: raising a child here, even if maybe he was here.

450
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:47,920
Speaker 4: It's just like living in New York is. I love

451
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:48,320
Speaker 4: New York.

452
00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:50,200
Speaker 5: It's one of my favorite cities in the whole world.

453
00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:52,920
Speaker 5: And I I'm I want to actually move back here

454
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:56,840
Speaker 5: at some point, but raising a child here. I like,

455
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,080
Speaker 5: yesterday on the train, I saw the lad lady with

456
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:01,760
Speaker 5: a sh baby st or a newborn, and then she

457
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:03,800
Speaker 5: had like a like a four year old and then

458
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:04,400
Speaker 5: she had enough.

459
00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:07,280
Speaker 8: I was like, how, I said, somebody with a dog?

460
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:09,880
Speaker 5: I was like, I told I was, like, you are

461
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:12,399
Speaker 5: the ship because I don't even know how he got down.

462
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,000
Speaker 7: Imagine that in winter though, and.

463
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:18,840
Speaker 6: Like like when it's August or even like because you're

464
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:21,280
Speaker 6: a model to like trying to get to castings and like,

465
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:22,720
Speaker 6: did you bring her with you?

466
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:23,240
Speaker 2: I do?

467
00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:26,159
Speaker 5: And like yeah, how like because I mean I auditioned.

468
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:27,960
Speaker 5: I'm an after too, and I auditioned. I've had to

469
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:31,280
Speaker 5: bring iris sometimes and ask strangers like, hey, can you

470
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:33,159
Speaker 5: just sit here for five minutes with her?

471
00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:35,760
Speaker 4: She's fine, just you know, like and that's kind of

472
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:37,399
Speaker 4: scary too, like, oh my god, I'm leaving her with

473
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:40,600
Speaker 4: this stranger. I think they're cool, right, they're cool. Right,

474
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:45,120
Speaker 4: there's cameras, Like what is that? What was that? Like?

475
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:49,520
Speaker 7: Like fortunate enough that by the time I first brought

476
00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:53,960
Speaker 7: my daughter to New York, she was maybe six five

477
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,680
Speaker 7: or six, so she was she was able to watch

478
00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:00,399
Speaker 7: keep up with me. She got with the program. I

479
00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:02,400
Speaker 7: always bring her scooter up when I have her with

480
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:04,440
Speaker 7: me so that she can keep up with mine, because

481
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:08,160
Speaker 7: like two of my steps are ten of hers. But yeah,

482
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,520
Speaker 7: I would take her to castings with me, and she

483
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:12,320
Speaker 7: knew the deal. I would always bring like a Rubik's

484
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:14,720
Speaker 7: cube or something to entertain her mind, Bring a few books,

485
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:16,800
Speaker 7: a few snacks. All right, Mommy's gonna be in and

486
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:19,879
Speaker 7: out in five minutes. Another time I had her with

487
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:21,960
Speaker 7: me over the summer and I had booked a job

488
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:24,480
Speaker 7: for Jordan's and I was like, okay, well I got

489
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:28,280
Speaker 7: my kid with me and they were so awesome. They

490
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:30,320
Speaker 7: were like, all right, bet well, let's fly you both

491
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:30,639
Speaker 7: out then.

492
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:32,040
Speaker 4: So she was with me in Chicago.

493
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:35,920
Speaker 7: They had somebody in house that was able to watch

494
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:37,879
Speaker 7: her and you know, take her on a tour around

495
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:40,880
Speaker 7: the city while my mom was working brand. Every job

496
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:44,879
Speaker 7: doesn't do that, Yeah, but it was really cool to

497
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,320
Speaker 7: have that experience and be able to have her close by.

498
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:48,960
Speaker 7: And I was like, Oh, this is this is what

499
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:49,640
Speaker 7: it feels like to be.

500
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:53,000
Speaker 4: To working mom. So how did you get into modeling?

501
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:58,560
Speaker 7: I was asked if I could model for a lady

502
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:00,879
Speaker 7: in Germany. I was working retail the time, and she

503
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:04,880
Speaker 7: was designing these kind of vesty things and she gave

504
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:06,479
Speaker 7: me fifty bucks. She was like, it's not much, this

505
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:08,119
Speaker 7: is all I have and she gave me fifty bucks

506
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:10,919
Speaker 7: and that kind of planted the seed. And then I

507
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:13,360
Speaker 7: went to model Mayhem, which is like, I don't recommend

508
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,280
Speaker 7: that any but that was how I started, you know,

509
00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,439
Speaker 7: And from there it was just that ripple effect. One

510
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:22,000
Speaker 7: photographer sees your work, he wants to work with you

511
00:24:22,119 --> 00:24:24,200
Speaker 7: as soon as you guys do that. Shoot, all his

512
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:28,080
Speaker 7: photographer buddies are like, whoa new face, and it just

513
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:29,119
Speaker 7: kind of spreads like that.

514
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:31,840
Speaker 4: And did you start modeling before after you had her?

515
00:24:32,119 --> 00:24:34,800
Speaker 7: I started before and then I had her, and then

516
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:37,840
Speaker 7: I it took a took a I went to the

517
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:38,320
Speaker 7: back burner.

518
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:38,600
Speaker 8: Yeah.

519
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:40,680
Speaker 7: Yeah, and then I got more serious about it after

520
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 7: I had her, because I was like, Okay, there's gonna

521
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:44,840
Speaker 7: be a really sure window here where I can make

522
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:47,720
Speaker 7: this work or where I missed the opportunity altogether.

523
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:49,119
Speaker 4: Would you say it's your passion?

524
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:54,320
Speaker 7: Expressing myself is my passion and that comes in many forms.

525
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,880
Speaker 7: Right now that happens to be modeling in a lot

526
00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:01,480
Speaker 7: of ways. It's also writing, it's also painting. I need

527
00:25:01,520 --> 00:25:05,760
Speaker 7: to be able to express. Modeling allows me to do that.

528
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:09,400
Speaker 4: Sorry, I got distracted.

529
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:12,840
Speaker 5: So we're in a uh, guys, we're like in a

530
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 5: wee work right now and there's a lot of half

531
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:17,800
Speaker 5: there's a lot of people walking around and stuff things happening.

532
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:23,720
Speaker 5: What was I gonna ask you, uh, what.

533
00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:24,200
Speaker 4: Is your daughter?

534
00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:24,399
Speaker 7: Like?

535
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:25,639
Speaker 4: How did your daughter be modeling?

536
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,119
Speaker 5: Like you know, our kids wanna be just like like

537
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,920
Speaker 5: their moms and stuff that, like is she interested in modeling?

538
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:34,080
Speaker 4: And like how also because like so.

539
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:39,400
Speaker 5: For me like modeling, I'm wondering, Like I know, there's

540
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:42,040
Speaker 5: a lot of things that go into it. Obviously, you

541
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:43,600
Speaker 5: have to take care of your body. Then there's people

542
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:47,119
Speaker 5: that have like you know, body dysmorphia or body or

543
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:49,840
Speaker 5: eating disorders, and like being around that whole environment. And

544
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:53,200
Speaker 5: also your daughter looking looking to that, does she feel

545
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:55,280
Speaker 5: like she wants to be a model or.

546
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:55,680
Speaker 8: Do you do?

547
00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 4: You have to have conversations with.

548
00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 5: Her about you know, bodies and that you have yours

549
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:04,119
Speaker 5: and that's your body and like you know, I just

550
00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:07,400
Speaker 5: I'm just curious how that works as a model.

551
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:11,880
Speaker 7: I am very open with my daughter because I don't

552
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 7: want her to have the insecurities that I had. We

553
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:19,000
Speaker 7: are only given one body, so I try not to

554
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:22,240
Speaker 7: comment on her traits or her growing body so much

555
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:24,879
Speaker 7: because hey, if I bring awareness to it. Now she

556
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:27,000
Speaker 7: has that awareness brought to it, and I don't want

557
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,919
Speaker 7: her forming opinions about a body that ultimately she's not

558
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:31,800
Speaker 7: gonna be able to change. You know, she has to

559
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:36,240
Speaker 7: learn to love it. That being said, I'm also really

560
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 7: mindful about when I'm looking in the mirror or when

561
00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:40,879
Speaker 7: I'm stepping on the scale, because I'm just I'm in

562
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:44,400
Speaker 7: a very numbers based line of work. But an eight

563
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:47,040
Speaker 7: year old can't compute that. So she might see mommy

564
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:50,400
Speaker 7: stepping on the scale and go oh, you know, and then.

565
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,480
Speaker 8: We value our beauty right right, our bodies.

566
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:58,680
Speaker 7: She actually does not have a passion to model. I've

567
00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:01,600
Speaker 7: asked her about it. I think that she would be great,

568
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:05,600
Speaker 7: as most parents do. But she sat me down. She said, mom, look,

569
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:09,400
Speaker 7: this is your passion. I love animals. Okay, I want

570
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:12,960
Speaker 7: to work with animals. That's also And I was like, okay,

571
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:15,000
Speaker 7: you know, how do you force your At this point,

572
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:18,560
Speaker 7: I'm literally forcing her if I after that still try

573
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:22,360
Speaker 7: to make her do something. But yeah, it's very important

574
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:24,240
Speaker 7: to me that she sees me naked, that she sees

575
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:28,280
Speaker 7: me just being very accepting, because you know, I'm raising

576
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,440
Speaker 7: a young girl in a world that is very critical

577
00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:34,640
Speaker 7: about everything that makes her a woman.

578
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,120
Speaker 4: Or you know, how do you deal with that too?

579
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:40,399
Speaker 5: And in modeling and like all of that, like the

580
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:43,160
Speaker 5: judgment and especially.

581
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:44,720
Speaker 4: If you I don't know what kind of insecurities you

582
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:47,159
Speaker 4: had growing up? Were they? Were they about your body

583
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:47,800
Speaker 4: or was it.

584
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,639
Speaker 7: Just absolutely And it's crazy because obviously I'm in a

585
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:54,040
Speaker 7: very like superficial kind of line of work. It's it's

586
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:56,080
Speaker 7: totally based on looks. I mean, you have to have

587
00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:57,640
Speaker 7: a you have to be easy to work with and

588
00:27:57,680 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 7: you know all that stuff. But it's very much a

589
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:04,160
Speaker 7: looksed thing. And so sometimes I get into my head.

590
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,320
Speaker 7: I'll look in the mirror and I know my angles.

591
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:08,120
Speaker 7: It's my job to know my angle is my good side,

592
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:10,959
Speaker 7: my bad side, how to work the space. And I

593
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:13,520
Speaker 7: can overthink to the point that I look in a

594
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:16,200
Speaker 7: mirror and I say to myself, Hey, do I really

595
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:18,639
Speaker 7: look this thin? Am I just so good at what

596
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:20,800
Speaker 7: I do? Now that I know what angles to turn to?

597
00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:22,760
Speaker 4: Am I thinner? Am I not?

598
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:26,440
Speaker 7: And I can easily go down a rabbit hole obsessing

599
00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:30,280
Speaker 7: over things like that. But I have a counselor now

600
00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:32,040
Speaker 7: that I talk to, and a therapist, and he tells me.

601
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:33,960
Speaker 7: He's like, listen, don't get on the scale, Like you know,

602
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:36,119
Speaker 7: I have a feeling at this point. You know what

603
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:39,680
Speaker 7: you're doing, and you're experienced enough, and you know, we

604
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:41,600
Speaker 7: try to get to that next step for so long,

605
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:44,000
Speaker 7: whether it's in modeling or whatever, our career is that

606
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:47,000
Speaker 7: we don't realize that we're in survival mode. And so

607
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:50,320
Speaker 7: sometimes I have to consciously get myself out of that

608
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:54,120
Speaker 7: and tell myself, hey, listen, that way of thinking, you're

609
00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 7: good now, like you already made it. It's okay to

610
00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 7: relax a little bit, not fall off. But I don't

611
00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:02,840
Speaker 7: have to stress and obsess the same way that I

612
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:03,360
Speaker 7: used to.

613
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:06,040
Speaker 4: So you used to be very conscious of your way.

614
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:09,080
Speaker 7: Yeah, cause I mean I'm almost six feet tall. I

615
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:12,120
Speaker 7: was always tall. I had to grow into everything my ears.

616
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:15,400
Speaker 7: My feet were the first thing that grew and I

617
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:19,520
Speaker 7: was so lanky. I would always hover because I didn't

618
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:22,640
Speaker 7: feel comfortable with my height. And the thing now is

619
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,200
Speaker 7: I go to a chiropractor like three times a week

620
00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:27,640
Speaker 7: because when you're a tall girl and you always hunch well,

621
00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:30,520
Speaker 7: by the time you get into your late twenties early thirties,

622
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:33,400
Speaker 7: it takes a toll on your spine. So now I'm

623
00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:36,920
Speaker 7: physically undoing all those years of you know, not being

624
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:40,720
Speaker 7: comfortable with my height or the things that you mentioned too.

625
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:45,080
Speaker 5: I'm a through following you and watching your transparency. You've

626
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:48,880
Speaker 5: mentioned that you used to cut, be a cutter, and

627
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:52,400
Speaker 5: is that what started that? And how old were you?

628
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:54,520
Speaker 5: And like, how do you talk to your daughter about that?

629
00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:55,880
Speaker 5: Does she know about that?

630
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:56,120
Speaker 8: Yeah?

631
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:59,160
Speaker 7: Yeah, cause she she sees my scars and she asks.

632
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:04,240
Speaker 7: I started cutting when I was in middle school. And

633
00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:09,000
Speaker 7: the event that triggered it was so it was so silly.

634
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 7: You know, my younger sister had a boyfriend. Her and

635
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:14,880
Speaker 7: I both did. We were dating these two basketball players

636
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:17,240
Speaker 7: and they were best friends, and then they were dating sisters,

637
00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:20,520
Speaker 7: so we thought we were cool. And my younger sister

638
00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:24,160
Speaker 7: had her first kiss with this guy before I did.

639
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:27,840
Speaker 7: And I was mortified because I put such an expectation

640
00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:30,040
Speaker 7: and weight on my shoulders that I'm the older sister.

641
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:32,800
Speaker 4: I'm supposed to show where the ropes. Oh, I'm humiliated.

642
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:34,440
Speaker 4: My little sister beat me to it.

643
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:37,320
Speaker 7: I wasn't resentful towards my sister or anything, but it

644
00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:41,120
Speaker 7: was just this pressure that I put on myself and

645
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:43,040
Speaker 7: I didn't know what to do with those emotions, and

646
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 7: so I would always cut, never with the intention of

647
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:48,840
Speaker 7: killing myself, but it was a form of punishment.

648
00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:51,440
Speaker 4: How did the cutting like, how did how did that?

649
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 5: Like you thought, like what was the moment where you

650
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 5: were like, I'm going to pick this up and this

651
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:57,480
Speaker 5: is gonna be my tool?

652
00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 4: Like did you see it somewhere else or not?

653
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:00,640
Speaker 8: Even?

654
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:02,640
Speaker 7: Like I remember, I used to write like really dark,

655
00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:09,280
Speaker 7: sad and terrible poetry, like I threw the diary away,

656
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:11,840
Speaker 7: but one line was I write and read for the.

657
00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:13,520
Speaker 4: Blood I shed.

658
00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 7: That was really just dark and miserable. You know, my

659
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:22,200
Speaker 7: eyes were filled with tears, and I don't know, honest

660
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 7: to God, why I thought that that was going to

661
00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:28,120
Speaker 7: be a solution, because it's not. I mean, it's all

662
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:31,200
Speaker 7: of it is a misguided attempt at regulating your emotions.

663
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:34,800
Speaker 7: And I started drinking at an early age too, like

664
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:37,800
Speaker 7: I was drinking at thirteen, because it was an escape.

665
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 7: You know, you didn't feel anything when you drink. All

666
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 7: the feelings come back afterwards, but for that moment, you're

667
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:45,600
Speaker 7: able to escape.

668
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:47,880
Speaker 4: And I think that that's always what I was looking for,

669
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:49,040
Speaker 4: is an escape.

670
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:53,320
Speaker 5: And so did your mom ever or your dad ever

671
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:55,080
Speaker 5: became aware of your cutting.

672
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 7: And not until my senior year of high school. I

673
00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:02,479
Speaker 7: never cut in a place that was an exposed area

674
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 7: because I did contrary to what a lot of people say,

675
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:06,080
Speaker 7: I didn't do it for attention.

676
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:08,720
Speaker 4: I didn't want anybody to know. And nobody knew.

677
00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:11,240
Speaker 7: You know, I was I was prom queen, I was

678
00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:14,160
Speaker 7: the captain of my track team. I had all a's.

679
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:18,680
Speaker 7: My teachers loved me. So I also felt guilty that

680
00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:21,280
Speaker 7: I was doing this behind closed doors because I had

681
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:24,680
Speaker 7: so much to be grateful for. Why couldn't I be happy?

682
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:30,920
Speaker 7: And senior year, I started drinking. I was in my room.

683
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:34,000
Speaker 7: I was having a pity party. I was going through that.

684
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:36,120
Speaker 7: Uh I call it like the guilt loop from hell.

685
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:39,400
Speaker 7: And I said, I just you know, I deserve to die.

686
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:41,720
Speaker 7: I just started repeating that over and over in my head.

687
00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:44,400
Speaker 7: And it was definitely the alcohol at that point, because

688
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:50,400
Speaker 7: I had never suicide. Being suicidal and self mutilation are

689
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:53,080
Speaker 7: two different things. They overlap, but there's still two different things.

690
00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:56,440
Speaker 7: But the combination of the alcohol and the emotions and

691
00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:58,960
Speaker 7: everything that I was going through, I took a knife

692
00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:01,640
Speaker 7: from my parents' cabin draw and I just started cutting

693
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:04,920
Speaker 7: on my arm and my parents heard me sobbing, and

694
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:08,560
Speaker 7: they broke into my room, the bathroom wherever I was.

695
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:11,840
Speaker 7: And as a parent now I can only imagine how

696
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:18,000
Speaker 7: their hard had to just drop m And that was

697
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:21,640
Speaker 7: when I first got introduced to therapy. So that was

698
00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 7: why I stayed in Germany after I graduated high school

699
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:27,520
Speaker 7: and then met Lily's dad cause I was originally set

700
00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:31,280
Speaker 7: to go to University of North Texas MM. So that's

701
00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:34,040
Speaker 7: my one regret, you know, I I never finished school.

702
00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:38,480
Speaker 4: I always started a little bit, but had a huge

703
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:41,440
Speaker 4: fork in the road. So then what was your journey

704
00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:44,440
Speaker 4: away from that? Like it was therapy? Really? What what

705
00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:45,000
Speaker 4: did it?

706
00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:46,720
Speaker 5: Or was it your was it your daughter? Like what

707
00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:49,480
Speaker 5: did do you ever feel have those thoughts of going back?

708
00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:51,880
Speaker 5: Cause I mean, I I don't have I I I've

709
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:54,320
Speaker 5: never self harm. I don't know what the process is

710
00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:56,600
Speaker 5: of that, and like how you move how you moved

711
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:58,520
Speaker 5: through it to navigate through it or is it something

712
00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:01,120
Speaker 5: you always constantly have to check kind of like you

713
00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:03,680
Speaker 5: know someone who might have who has an eating disorder, right,

714
00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:06,320
Speaker 5: it's kind of something you live with forever and in

715
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:09,200
Speaker 5: ways you have to unlearn and really check yourself. So

716
00:34:09,239 --> 00:34:11,359
Speaker 5: I don't know if that's the same with self harm.

717
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:13,960
Speaker 5: Do you or do you switch self harms? You know,

718
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:15,520
Speaker 5: it's kind of like when you like a drug addict,

719
00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 5: they stopped doing that drug and then it starts with

720
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:20,960
Speaker 5: cigarettes instead, like you switch addictions or.

721
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:24,680
Speaker 7: I think over the over a period of time, I didn't.

722
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:28,200
Speaker 7: I wasn't treating the source. I was just finding other

723
00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 7: coping mechanisms that still weren't healthy. You know, maybe I

724
00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:34,640
Speaker 7: wasn't cutting now, but I was hitting the bottle too much,

725
00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:37,640
Speaker 7: or I was partying too much, still trying to numb

726
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:41,680
Speaker 7: myself to whatever degree. That first introduction to counseling, it

727
00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:45,640
Speaker 7: didn't work. A I didn't have the language still to

728
00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:51,640
Speaker 7: express what I was feeling, and I wasn't comfortable opening

729
00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:54,920
Speaker 7: up to this strange man. I didn't feel like he

730
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:58,160
Speaker 7: knew me or he could relate to me. So for

731
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:01,719
Speaker 7: that year I really went to put my parents at

732
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:04,240
Speaker 7: ease because I knew that they needed that. I knew

733
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:07,480
Speaker 7: that after what they just saw, if they send that

734
00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:11,600
Speaker 7: baby off to school in Texas, because mind you, I'm

735
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:13,879
Speaker 7: in Germany, so I'm going to a college. I haven't

736
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:16,080
Speaker 7: even had a chance to tour the campus and do

737
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:18,480
Speaker 7: all that cool stuff that kids get to do here

738
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:21,440
Speaker 7: in the States when you know, you're just everything stateside.

739
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:25,279
Speaker 7: So I knew the thought of sending me now terrified them,

740
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:28,000
Speaker 7: and I was like, let me go to counseling. So

741
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:30,200
Speaker 7: I wasn't really invested in it. I was going through

742
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:32,640
Speaker 7: the motions. I was doing it for the wrong reasons,

743
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:35,200
Speaker 7: and I didn't have the language to really talk about

744
00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:38,600
Speaker 7: what I was feeling. Not until I revisited counseling as

745
00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:41,440
Speaker 7: an adult, which has been like in the past two years,

746
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:45,560
Speaker 7: was I able to actually see the benefit. Lily was

747
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:50,640
Speaker 7: the actual catalyst that triggered that change, because I could

748
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:54,120
Speaker 7: not be a mom that was still harming myself in

749
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:57,520
Speaker 7: that way. So when I became pregnant with her, I

750
00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:59,799
Speaker 7: stopped cutting. So I haven't cut for eight years now.

751
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:01,360
Speaker 4: It's been beautiful.

752
00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:03,799
Speaker 5: How kids do that, you know, like because they really

753
00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:05,719
Speaker 5: hold the mirror and that's like, suddenly you have all

754
00:36:05,719 --> 00:36:08,359
Speaker 5: this responsibility and you're like, I don't want to pass

755
00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:08,880
Speaker 5: this on to you.

756
00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:11,200
Speaker 4: What can I do? I need to help myself.

757
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:13,720
Speaker 7: But in the same the same, in the same breath,

758
00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:16,439
Speaker 7: something that I have to hold myself accountable to is great.

759
00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:19,920
Speaker 7: Lily might be the person that triggered that change, but

760
00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:22,040
Speaker 7: that's too big of a responsibility to put on my

761
00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:24,719
Speaker 7: daughter's shoulders. So I need to make sure that I'm

762
00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:28,279
Speaker 7: continuing on this path of betterment for myself as well,

763
00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:31,200
Speaker 7: because that's just that's too much responsibility to put on

764
00:36:31,239 --> 00:36:31,840
Speaker 7: a child. You know.

765
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:35,640
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's so interesting to hear you talk about. Like, like,

766
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:39,600
Speaker 6: if I think about like my teenage years, like junior high,

767
00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:42,240
Speaker 6: high school, I also a lot of really weird, dark.

768
00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:48,480
Speaker 7: Right, very dired.

769
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:50,720
Speaker 4: I looked in some journals and I had some pictures

770
00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:51,040
Speaker 4: I drove.

771
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,799
Speaker 6: I was like, what I know, I know, and I

772
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:56,160
Speaker 6: was just you talking about it is like taking me

773
00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:58,080
Speaker 6: back to those times in my life, and I'm like,

774
00:36:58,120 --> 00:37:01,120
Speaker 6: you know, it's I'm happy that here having this conversation

775
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:05,680
Speaker 6: because now with that reference, we can someone we can

776
00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:09,640
Speaker 6: better address our daughters in those ages. Because I think

777
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:13,000
Speaker 6: it's true. I think, like those preteen teenagers, there's all

778
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:15,960
Speaker 6: this weird and hormonal shit happening. There's all these feelings

779
00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:18,840
Speaker 6: that you're feeling without the tools.

780
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:19,720
Speaker 8: To express theirself.

781
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:21,839
Speaker 6: So I guess that's the expression, like those really dark,

782
00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:26,440
Speaker 6: bad poetry journals, right, But also like I had like

783
00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:28,640
Speaker 6: a cutting phase when I was in like junior high.

784
00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:30,759
Speaker 8: And I think it's because like I was at a

785
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:31,920
Speaker 8: like small private school.

786
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:34,120
Speaker 6: We all read this book the bitches were cutting and drinking,

787
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:34,799
Speaker 6: so we're like.

788
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:38,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I I, uh so, do you think it

789
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:40,960
Speaker 4: was more for attention or I.

790
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:41,840
Speaker 8: Don't think it was an attention.

791
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 6: But it dawned on me recently that because I asked

792
00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:47,400
Speaker 6: myself why was I doing that? Because my mom, like

793
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:48,880
Speaker 6: I have a scar tube was on the side. My

794
00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:51,640
Speaker 6: mom noticed that she said something to me like in

795
00:37:51,719 --> 00:37:55,880
Speaker 6: that time, and I remember harming myself and feeling like

796
00:37:55,960 --> 00:38:00,399
Speaker 6: some sort of release, like I had control over this pain.

797
00:38:00,719 --> 00:38:02,719
Speaker 6: If I could control it, then maybe like what I

798
00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:04,959
Speaker 6: was feeling inside, it didn't hurt as much.

799
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:08,640
Speaker 8: And it dawned on me like that because that was

800
00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:11,359
Speaker 8: so long ago. But I really and I also drank

801
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:13,560
Speaker 8: really early. I just thought I was wild. I'm wild now.

802
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 8: I just thought I was wild then.

803
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:17,840
Speaker 6: But I didn't ever associate it with a numbing of anything,

804
00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:20,560
Speaker 6: because again, you look back at your childhood, like I

805
00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:23,480
Speaker 6: had preparents, I had a house, I had food like wood, bitch,

806
00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:27,759
Speaker 6: would you trip it? You know, but I realized I was, like,

807
00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:30,879
Speaker 6: when I think of harming myself and that how that

808
00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:33,799
Speaker 6: brought some kind of satisfaction or some weird kind of

809
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:37,720
Speaker 6: like I don't know, Like I think about how it

810
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:40,640
Speaker 6: has it transferred to other ways, and I think about

811
00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:43,719
Speaker 6: like my patterns, like how my parents have been sexually

812
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:48,520
Speaker 6: in interacting with men and like having just like annecessary sex,

813
00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:52,759
Speaker 6: and how that has had almost was my graduation to

814
00:38:52,960 --> 00:38:56,120
Speaker 6: self inflicted pain, like I have control over this pain,

815
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:59,719
Speaker 6: even though I didn't, I never associated it until recently.

816
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:02,520
Speaker 4: That's what we're talking about, how self harm can be.

817
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:03,880
Speaker 4: You can self harm and.

818
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:09,239
Speaker 7: Oh my goodness, yeah, self sabotage is has been a

819
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:13,319
Speaker 7: very recurring theme in my life, whether it was through

820
00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:16,080
Speaker 7: the drinking or through physically harming, or through the sex.

821
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:19,640
Speaker 7: And again very recently I realized, you know that a

822
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:21,440
Speaker 7: lot of people talk about like, you know, healing our

823
00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:24,839
Speaker 7: inner child, and I think that that's a reason a

824
00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:27,800
Speaker 7: lot of my relationships failed. A I was introduced to

825
00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:31,360
Speaker 7: sex too early. I was having sex for the wrong reasons,

826
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:35,160
Speaker 7: and so my mind, my way of thinking was Okay,

827
00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:37,200
Speaker 7: well if I give you me like this is like

828
00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:41,439
Speaker 7: the I'm giving you me right in return, I need

829
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:44,200
Speaker 7: you to like nurture me and make me like feel

830
00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:48,160
Speaker 7: safe and protected me. But no, it was a sexual

831
00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:51,120
Speaker 7: transaction or especially now you're talking friends with benefits, there

832
00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:52,960
Speaker 7: might not even be a title on there. It's like,

833
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:56,719
Speaker 7: oh no, they might be right and so not that

834
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:59,120
Speaker 7: everybody doesn't want to be you know, feel cared for

835
00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:02,560
Speaker 7: and and taken care of. But for me, it came

836
00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:05,840
Speaker 7: from this deeper place. I was actually looking for looking

837
00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:09,439
Speaker 7: to them to heal my inner child. It was transactional way,

838
00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:11,480
Speaker 7: but I was never getting what I wanted out of

839
00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:11,759
Speaker 7: the deal.

840
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:13,719
Speaker 4: So then I felt short and regretful.

841
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:15,920
Speaker 7: Right, why I do that? I can't take back what

842
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:19,520
Speaker 7: I gave you, and here I am feeling shorted, and

843
00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:23,440
Speaker 7: it just it transpired in a very ugly way. Like

844
00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:28,560
Speaker 7: my relationship suffered, and my I don't know, my sexual

845
00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:33,920
Speaker 7: experiences also suffered a lot because of that stuff.

846
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:36,960
Speaker 6: That stuff that like it's not until now, like in

847
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:39,520
Speaker 6: your thirties or once you become a parent, that you're

848
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:41,719
Speaker 6: able to like maybe identify it well.

849
00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:43,600
Speaker 5: Because when you think of self harm, you think of

850
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:47,640
Speaker 5: like some literalistical right something you can see. You don't

851
00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:50,839
Speaker 5: think about like other ways that you self harm through

852
00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:55,160
Speaker 5: your diet, through sex, through your relationships.

853
00:40:54,440 --> 00:40:58,160
Speaker 8: Relationship, through patterns, through you know, drugs.

854
00:40:58,360 --> 00:40:59,759
Speaker 4: And I really did not.

855
00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:04,360
Speaker 5: Think about self harm in a sexual way until we

856
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:05,680
Speaker 5: have that conversation.

857
00:41:05,239 --> 00:41:07,320
Speaker 8: The other day. But it's also talking about.

858
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:10,879
Speaker 5: Our sexual trauma, and I was like, damn, I've been

859
00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:13,879
Speaker 5: a self harmer in that way for it, probably since

860
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:17,719
Speaker 5: the beginning of sex for me, you know, because of

861
00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:21,800
Speaker 5: the reasons why well started having sex and the attention

862
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:24,920
Speaker 5: that I wanted, and it wasn't it was purely it

863
00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:28,120
Speaker 5: was never We had a guest on and she was

864
00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:31,600
Speaker 5: talking about how like we were put on this earth

865
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:36,520
Speaker 5: as man and woman to pro create. Literally, sex is

866
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:39,719
Speaker 5: purely at the root of it is just for procreation

867
00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:43,879
Speaker 5: if you think about everything else is just fun. And

868
00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:45,600
Speaker 5: when she said it to me that way, I was like,

869
00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:48,440
Speaker 5: it's so true. And we share our body. I mean

870
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:50,080
Speaker 5: not that like every person I have sex with is

871
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:53,280
Speaker 5: gonna be my baby dead, but like we share ourselves

872
00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:56,960
Speaker 5: so freely with people and exchange so much energy like

873
00:41:57,000 --> 00:42:01,800
Speaker 5: it's nothing, and then wonder why we're left feeling like

874
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:04,480
Speaker 5: depleted and we share yourself with something like that when

875
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:08,080
Speaker 5: it's really like the most like sacred act you can

876
00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:11,200
Speaker 5: share with someone really truly and like I'm definitely been

877
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:13,480
Speaker 5: an advocate of like you know, do what you free,

878
00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:19,640
Speaker 5: ut why you do that, and I still feel that way.

879
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:22,640
Speaker 5: But check in with yourself, right, truly check in with yourself,

880
00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:25,400
Speaker 5: because nine times out of ten, you're not feeling so great.

881
00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:27,359
Speaker 5: You're not feeling so great about all the things you're

882
00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:29,800
Speaker 5: doing and the people you're sharing yourself with, You're feeling depleted.

883
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:30,839
Speaker 8: It's just sad.

884
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:35,880
Speaker 6: It's taken fifteen years because been fucking about fifteens.

885
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:39,120
Speaker 7: But you know, at least we're finding out now. They

886
00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:41,480
Speaker 7: have taken fifteen years, but it could like some people

887
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:44,000
Speaker 7: are still figuring this out and they might be a

888
00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:47,640
Speaker 7: little bit older. So I'm definitely grateful to have come

889
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:50,799
Speaker 7: to this point now, this point of awareness or like

890
00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:54,920
Speaker 7: I guess, awakening. You know, everybody's empowered by different things,

891
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:58,120
Speaker 7: especially as women, and so for that reason, I don't know,

892
00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 7: part of me also wanted to be one of the guys.

893
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:01,879
Speaker 7: You know. I wanted to be able to have sex

894
00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:06,440
Speaker 7: as freely and as as often with no strings attached,

895
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:09,480
Speaker 7: just to say that I could, or because to part

896
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:12,520
Speaker 7: of me was jealous that they could just do it

897
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:13,880
Speaker 7: and be okay.

898
00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:18,359
Speaker 8: I kind of gets I'm really thinking about how.

899
00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:20,760
Speaker 7: To check in. Like you said, when I was honest

900
00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:24,360
Speaker 7: with myself, I was like, I it takes me so

901
00:43:24,520 --> 00:43:27,480
Speaker 7: long to really build a connection with somebody, Like pictures

902
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:29,160
Speaker 7: don't do anything for me. You know, I go to

903
00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:31,200
Speaker 7: cast things and I'm in rooms with the most beautiful

904
00:43:31,239 --> 00:43:32,799
Speaker 7: people in the world, so there has to be a

905
00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:36,319
Speaker 7: connection outside of that. So casual sex really doesn't do

906
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:39,719
Speaker 7: anything for me. And I felt bad about that for

907
00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:43,520
Speaker 7: so long because you know, we're so progressive and I

908
00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:46,120
Speaker 7: and that might be an archaic way of thinking, oh, well,

909
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:49,399
Speaker 7: women can have casual sex too, and yeah they can,

910
00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:52,359
Speaker 7: but if I'm being really honest, it's not for me.

911
00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:56,800
Speaker 7: I don't feel good afterwards, and it's the energy exchange.

912
00:43:57,680 --> 00:44:04,440
Speaker 6: I guess it's interesting because like discussing sex and sexuality,

913
00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:07,160
Speaker 6: which brings us to our topic, we want to talk

914
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:12,000
Speaker 6: about it really because I've had similar feelings like want

915
00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:13,920
Speaker 6: to be free and empowered and doing this and this

916
00:44:13,960 --> 00:44:18,040
Speaker 6: doesn't define me. But like you said, leaving something feeling

917
00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:21,359
Speaker 6: depleted or feeling having certain feelings, it's I wonder how

918
00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:25,680
Speaker 6: much that affects how we feel about ourselves because sexuality

919
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:28,200
Speaker 6: is separate from having sex.

920
00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:30,319
Speaker 8: You know, I feel very comfortable with my skin up.

921
00:44:30,320 --> 00:44:32,640
Speaker 6: I can take this stress off and work around rework

922
00:44:32,960 --> 00:44:36,240
Speaker 6: with my panties, I'd be really happy. I'm just grabbing

923
00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:39,640
Speaker 6: some coffee, guys, and it's got to look at these

924
00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:44,319
Speaker 6: things to relax. And it's not about attention for me.

925
00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:47,160
Speaker 6: It's just about how I feel comfortable. Like if someone

926
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:49,360
Speaker 6: is going to photograph me, I feel more comfortable.

927
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:50,759
Speaker 4: If I was naked, Okay, it would be.

928
00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:54,200
Speaker 6: It's easier for me to feel like, feel prettier naked

929
00:44:54,239 --> 00:44:55,840
Speaker 6: than like if you're going to take a picture of

930
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:58,360
Speaker 6: my face. I don't know why, it's just how. But

931
00:44:58,520 --> 00:45:00,839
Speaker 6: I'm wondering because I think that for so long I'm

932
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:02,680
Speaker 6: comfortable in my skin that I thought I'm supposed to

933
00:45:02,680 --> 00:45:05,239
Speaker 6: be comfortable and having casual sex too, you.

934
00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:05,799
Speaker 4: Know what I mean.

935
00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:07,880
Speaker 8: And there's so many there's so many limits.

936
00:45:07,960 --> 00:45:10,080
Speaker 4: No one goes with the other, right, you know what

937
00:45:10,120 --> 00:45:10,359
Speaker 4: I mean?

938
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:12,640
Speaker 6: Like, I am progressive and I do believe in free

939
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:15,040
Speaker 6: love and dad, so I have to you know, I

940
00:45:15,080 --> 00:45:17,720
Speaker 6: have to have casual sex, right, like fuck, It's fine,

941
00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:22,279
Speaker 6: but it's interesting how like our sexuality is so defined by.

942
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:24,480
Speaker 8: Like our sexual encounters and how much sex we have,

943
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:25,960
Speaker 8: and in fact they're not.

944
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:29,040
Speaker 6: Really related at all, but it's so tainted that they're

945
00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:35,080
Speaker 6: so intertwined. But as a mom, because we all are,

946
00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:39,320
Speaker 6: there is limb boundaries on how we're supposed to be

947
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:41,759
Speaker 6: now because your mother is like on our sexuality and

948
00:45:41,760 --> 00:45:44,920
Speaker 6: how we're supposed to portray publicly how sexual we are,

949
00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:46,120
Speaker 6: like how sexy we.

950
00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:50,920
Speaker 5: Are or how sexualized we are, you know, like you said,

951
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:52,680
Speaker 5: like when we were talking about what we should talk

952
00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:55,120
Speaker 5: about today, you mentioned that, you know, people are totally

953
00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:57,680
Speaker 5: fine with you posing nude when you're modeling and it's

954
00:45:57,719 --> 00:46:00,520
Speaker 5: beautiful and whatever fantasy they build in their mind of

955
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:01,920
Speaker 5: who you are. But if you take a picture of

956
00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:04,680
Speaker 5: naked with your daughter, then it's problematic for people how

957
00:46:04,760 --> 00:46:08,560
Speaker 5: they feel uncomfortable, right, Like, why do you think that is?

958
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:13,879
Speaker 7: I think that I think two things one. So now

959
00:46:13,920 --> 00:46:16,000
Speaker 7: we get married for different reasons. Then we got married

960
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:17,879
Speaker 7: back in the day. Back in the day, women had

961
00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:19,919
Speaker 7: to get married because you didn't have any rights without

962
00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:22,200
Speaker 7: a husband. You couldn't own property, et cetera, et cetera,

963
00:46:22,840 --> 00:46:26,520
Speaker 7: so you had to get married and a lot of

964
00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:30,279
Speaker 7: times the bashing comes from other women because of the

965
00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:33,280
Speaker 7: same archaic way of thinking. That woman that was free

966
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:36,399
Speaker 7: and giving away the milk without making the man buy

967
00:46:36,440 --> 00:46:38,680
Speaker 7: the cow. Well, now you're dipping into our pot. If

968
00:46:38,719 --> 00:46:41,080
Speaker 7: this woman is out here doing this and being so free,

969
00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:44,000
Speaker 7: then we're not gonna be able to get married off.

970
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:46,960
Speaker 7: And I think that's why. I mean, it's obviously it's subconscious,

971
00:46:46,960 --> 00:46:49,040
Speaker 7: but you know, you look at how that has unfolded

972
00:46:49,080 --> 00:46:52,840
Speaker 7: to today and why sometimes these women are bashing other women.

973
00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:55,040
Speaker 7: It's because of this really just like archaic way of

974
00:46:55,080 --> 00:46:58,279
Speaker 7: thinking of if you're that way, you're gonna take our

975
00:46:58,360 --> 00:47:00,360
Speaker 7: men and they're not gonna want us anymore.

976
00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:02,040
Speaker 8: Damn. I even thought about that.

977
00:47:02,120 --> 00:47:05,880
Speaker 7: And then the other one. I was at this screening

978
00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:09,399
Speaker 7: recently from a friend of mine. His name is Joe

979
00:47:09,480 --> 00:47:13,640
Speaker 7: Lumberjack as his instagram My bad Joe Lumberjack. But I

980
00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 7: went to a screening and we were talking about similar

981
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:21,480
Speaker 7: subject matters and taboo topics, and it came up and

982
00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:23,760
Speaker 7: I loved how it was phrased, and it's so true,

983
00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:25,840
Speaker 7: and I think that might even be the reason that

984
00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:27,920
Speaker 7: I don't like the porn when it's like two women

985
00:47:28,480 --> 00:47:31,200
Speaker 7: is because a lot of times when you see sex

986
00:47:31,239 --> 00:47:33,520
Speaker 7: scenes with women, the woman isn't.

987
00:47:33,320 --> 00:47:35,239
Speaker 8: The subject, she's the object.

988
00:47:35,719 --> 00:47:37,080
Speaker 4: The man is the subject.

989
00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:39,600
Speaker 7: The man is the one that's controlling the narrative and

990
00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:44,520
Speaker 7: getting what he wants. So moving forward to my modeling photos,

991
00:47:44,680 --> 00:47:48,080
Speaker 7: if I am posing, well I'm the object again and

992
00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:51,560
Speaker 7: you like it because my sexuality is fitting into your fantasy.

993
00:47:52,040 --> 00:47:54,880
Speaker 7: When I own my sexuality now and take ownership of

994
00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:58,319
Speaker 7: ownership of that and make myself the subject, well you

995
00:47:58,360 --> 00:48:00,120
Speaker 7: can't objectify me in the same way.

996
00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:00,399
Speaker 8: Now.

997
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:04,239
Speaker 7: I'm not arching my back, so my nudity isn't performative,

998
00:48:04,280 --> 00:48:06,520
Speaker 7: which means you don't want to see it. I had

999
00:48:06,560 --> 00:48:09,360
Speaker 7: people even tell me that it was a form of

1000
00:48:09,480 --> 00:48:14,000
Speaker 7: child abuse to be naked in front of my daughter, right,

1001
00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:18,000
Speaker 7: and unfortunately it was other women that were having these

1002
00:48:18,719 --> 00:48:23,160
Speaker 7: sharing these comments with me. And you know, so many

1003
00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:27,000
Speaker 7: times we get mad at somebody because they're doing or

1004
00:48:27,040 --> 00:48:29,160
Speaker 7: living a way that we can't or that we feel

1005
00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:34,640
Speaker 7: like we can't. And I'm never going to stifle myself

1006
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:37,680
Speaker 7: or make myself smaller in any kind of way to

1007
00:48:37,760 --> 00:48:38,720
Speaker 7: make somebody.

1008
00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:39,280
Speaker 4: Else more comfortable.

1009
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:42,080
Speaker 7: Because I did that for so long. I made myself

1010
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:44,319
Speaker 7: the butt of the jokes because I knew I was

1011
00:48:44,320 --> 00:48:47,400
Speaker 7: so intimidating or I had resting bitch face, and I

1012
00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:51,239
Speaker 7: just I really wanted to be likable, and so the

1013
00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:53,200
Speaker 7: way to do that was to make other people laugh.

1014
00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:55,359
Speaker 7: So I would start to joke on myself and kind

1015
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:57,320
Speaker 7: of put myself down, which was all cool and dandy

1016
00:48:57,640 --> 00:49:01,040
Speaker 7: until I started to believe my own words. So I

1017
00:49:01,080 --> 00:49:02,000
Speaker 7: can't do that anymore.

1018
00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:03,040
Speaker 4: I can't.

1019
00:49:03,400 --> 00:49:07,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, So when you when people do come at you,

1020
00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:10,040
Speaker 5: and what do you what do you do?

1021
00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:11,759
Speaker 4: Do you take the time to educate them? Like what

1022
00:49:11,760 --> 00:49:14,160
Speaker 4: do you even do with that situation? Because there's not

1023
00:49:15,239 --> 00:49:19,040
Speaker 4: their keyboard? Gangsters I like to call that, right, Like

1024
00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:19,560
Speaker 4: how do you?

1025
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:23,040
Speaker 5: And like how do you deal with that? Like do

1026
00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:26,200
Speaker 5: you just ignore it? Don't let it affect your day,

1027
00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:27,080
Speaker 5: keep it moving.

1028
00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:30,319
Speaker 7: I'm human, so I can sit here and act like, oh,

1029
00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:34,720
Speaker 7: words don't sting. They do, Especially when somebody says something

1030
00:49:34,800 --> 00:49:37,840
Speaker 7: that might touch on a personal trigger for you anyway,

1031
00:49:38,320 --> 00:49:41,200
Speaker 7: then it just it gets amplified. So a lot of

1032
00:49:41,200 --> 00:49:43,800
Speaker 7: times I'll take into consideration who is coming from. Sometimes

1033
00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:46,719
Speaker 7: it's like a stupid little bot account or somebody with

1034
00:49:46,760 --> 00:49:49,719
Speaker 7: no photo that's following I don't know those kinds of people.

1035
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:51,960
Speaker 7: I'm not gonna give the time of day. Sometimes it's

1036
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:55,480
Speaker 7: people that are asking sincere questions. One person said, well,

1037
00:49:55,840 --> 00:49:57,680
Speaker 7: I get you wanting to be nicked for your daughter

1038
00:49:57,719 --> 00:50:00,279
Speaker 7: and all that, but then just go and be that.

1039
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:02,440
Speaker 7: I have an issue with you though putting it on

1040
00:50:02,480 --> 00:50:05,000
Speaker 7: the internet. And my response to that was, you know,

1041
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:08,080
Speaker 7: these other people and adults on the internet, those are

1042
00:50:08,200 --> 00:50:10,799
Speaker 7: the minds that I'm trying to change, you know. So, yeah,

1043
00:50:10,960 --> 00:50:14,120
Speaker 7: I'm directly teaching my daughter something, but I would also

1044
00:50:14,280 --> 00:50:18,240
Speaker 7: like to introduce a new perspective to Yeah, you adults

1045
00:50:18,239 --> 00:50:22,000
Speaker 7: scrolling on my profile looking at me, because nudity does

1046
00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:23,920
Speaker 7: not have to be a bad thing. I grew up

1047
00:50:23,960 --> 00:50:26,239
Speaker 7: in Germany. Our newspaper, our beauty of the week was

1048
00:50:26,280 --> 00:50:29,560
Speaker 7: a butt naked woman, full frontal, full bush, So I

1049
00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:32,000
Speaker 7: was exposed to body hair at a very natural age.

1050
00:50:32,719 --> 00:50:35,120
Speaker 7: Kids are topless girls and boys. You know why, because

1051
00:50:35,160 --> 00:50:37,480
Speaker 7: they don't have boobs. Their bodies are the same way.

1052
00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:39,319
Speaker 5: That's what I was gonna ask you, how do you

1053
00:50:39,400 --> 00:50:43,800
Speaker 5: feel about like nudity with children on like on the

1054
00:50:43,680 --> 00:50:46,239
Speaker 5: on the on Instagram, Because it's been like it's conflicted

1055
00:50:46,280 --> 00:50:46,680
Speaker 5: like I've been.

1056
00:50:46,719 --> 00:50:49,000
Speaker 4: I know, like people have messaged people.

1057
00:50:48,840 --> 00:50:50,719
Speaker 5: Message me like, oh my god, you posted it like

1058
00:50:50,840 --> 00:50:52,200
Speaker 5: a video of Irin topless.

1059
00:50:52,239 --> 00:50:54,240
Speaker 8: I'm like, what is there now?

1060
00:50:54,880 --> 00:50:55,120
Speaker 2: People?

1061
00:50:57,960 --> 00:51:00,360
Speaker 5: And like or like you're like, it's not it's not

1062
00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:03,480
Speaker 5: that it's not me, but it's like other other people.

1063
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:04,880
Speaker 8: But you're messaging me.

1064
00:51:05,080 --> 00:51:07,080
Speaker 5: So I think that's like, well, why they messaged me

1065
00:51:07,120 --> 00:51:09,239
Speaker 5: because they felt uncomfortable and they wanted me to think

1066
00:51:09,239 --> 00:51:09,759
Speaker 5: about it.

1067
00:51:09,920 --> 00:51:13,680
Speaker 6: Well, I always encourage people, why is this making you uncomfortable?

1068
00:51:14,719 --> 00:51:18,239
Speaker 6: And also, we can't live our lives in fear of predators.

1069
00:51:18,360 --> 00:51:21,160
Speaker 6: I mean shit, they're everywhere there at the fucking family cookout.

1070
00:51:21,360 --> 00:51:24,000
Speaker 6: Let's be real, like, when shit happens, it's ninety nine

1071
00:51:24,040 --> 00:51:25,560
Speaker 6: point nine times people that.

1072
00:51:25,920 --> 00:51:28,320
Speaker 8: It's not a stranger, it's not somebody hiding in the bushes.

1073
00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:30,279
Speaker 6: The pedophiles come in all farms and they don't wear

1074
00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:32,200
Speaker 6: a sign, you know, So, like, am I going to

1075
00:51:32,239 --> 00:51:33,560
Speaker 6: live my entire life because I was?

1076
00:51:33,640 --> 00:51:36,040
Speaker 8: You know, there was a I was a breastfed for

1077
00:51:36,080 --> 00:51:39,080
Speaker 8: a long time and you know it doesn't it didn't

1078
00:51:39,120 --> 00:51:39,440
Speaker 8: bother me.

1079
00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:42,920
Speaker 6: I'm breastfeed at a restaurant and my daughter was turned too.

1080
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:45,040
Speaker 6: She can pull my Patidia out wherever, and I'm like,

1081
00:51:45,080 --> 00:51:47,080
Speaker 6: she's gonna eat and I'm not putting a blanket over

1082
00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:49,759
Speaker 6: her face, you know. And you know, I had, you know,

1083
00:51:49,880 --> 00:51:51,800
Speaker 6: friends say stuff like the waiters looking at you, and

1084
00:51:51,800 --> 00:51:54,399
Speaker 6: I'm like, fuck the waiter. You know, I don't give

1085
00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:59,239
Speaker 6: a fuck, you know. But it's interesting that I don't know.

1086
00:51:59,320 --> 00:52:02,120
Speaker 6: On the internet it is. It is a strange place

1087
00:52:02,200 --> 00:52:04,680
Speaker 6: for the kids because there are weirdos and people. Even

1088
00:52:04,719 --> 00:52:07,279
Speaker 6: the other day, Luna was looking at YouTube but I

1089
00:52:07,280 --> 00:52:10,640
Speaker 6: gotta cut that shit out, and there was like there

1090
00:52:10,719 --> 00:52:13,080
Speaker 6: was a she was looking at something like kids. It

1091
00:52:13,200 --> 00:52:15,640
Speaker 6: was like bedtime routines, and there's like kids. It was

1092
00:52:15,640 --> 00:52:17,560
Speaker 6: like a girl and she's like hugging Teddy Beir, hgging

1093
00:52:17,800 --> 00:52:19,840
Speaker 6: in the laying down. There's like just weird clips of

1094
00:52:19,920 --> 00:52:20,719
Speaker 6: kids going a bit.

1095
00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:22,960
Speaker 7: It's like it's weird mashups and there.

1096
00:52:23,080 --> 00:52:25,560
Speaker 8: Yeah, And I didn't get it. And then I looked at.

1097
00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:27,920
Speaker 6: The views and they're so high and I was just like,

1098
00:52:28,360 --> 00:52:30,439
Speaker 6: I don't know what made this pop into my mind,

1099
00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:32,560
Speaker 6: because obviously I'm not a pedophile, but I'm like I

1100
00:52:32,600 --> 00:52:34,200
Speaker 6: could just see that someone could.

1101
00:52:33,960 --> 00:52:36,879
Speaker 4: Like watching kids getting tucked in, yeah, like that being

1102
00:52:36,920 --> 00:52:37,319
Speaker 4: their thing.

1103
00:52:37,520 --> 00:52:38,759
Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, and.

1104
00:52:38,719 --> 00:52:41,040
Speaker 6: Even there's like some bathtub stuff on there, and for me,

1105
00:52:41,200 --> 00:52:42,919
Speaker 6: like it went there because now that my kid's getting

1106
00:52:42,920 --> 00:52:43,359
Speaker 6: older and.

1107
00:52:43,280 --> 00:52:45,200
Speaker 8: That, I mean, you have to you have to be aware,

1108
00:52:45,400 --> 00:52:47,600
Speaker 8: but it's just like what to what extent?

1109
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:48,520
Speaker 2: You know what I mean.

1110
00:52:49,000 --> 00:52:52,200
Speaker 6: I've had people my daughter was like like fully clothed

1111
00:52:52,280 --> 00:52:55,160
Speaker 6: on a stripper powl because my friend had one at

1112
00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:56,920
Speaker 6: her house and I thought it was hilarious and I

1113
00:52:57,000 --> 00:52:59,760
Speaker 6: put it on Instagram and I got so many text messages.

1114
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:01,239
Speaker 8: I'm like, calm the fuck down.

1115
00:53:01,480 --> 00:53:03,840
Speaker 6: There's a pull up the playground, first of all, and

1116
00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:06,600
Speaker 6: she doesn't associate a pole with like being I'm not

1117
00:53:06,640 --> 00:53:09,239
Speaker 6: putting fucking pennies in her diaper, right, And my dad

1118
00:53:09,239 --> 00:53:10,919
Speaker 6: told me one time I was dancing and his friend

1119
00:53:10,960 --> 00:53:13,799
Speaker 6: kept putting pennies in my typeher and look, I'm not

1120
00:53:13,840 --> 00:53:17,160
Speaker 6: a stripper. And then there's Cindy Lou from down the

1121
00:53:17,160 --> 00:53:19,640
Speaker 6: street whose dad was a minister and you know, was

1122
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:21,840
Speaker 6: tight locked and now she's a stripper.

1123
00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:23,920
Speaker 8: So as as a child, I don't.

1124
00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:26,600
Speaker 6: Think we have They're not aware of shit like that

1125
00:53:26,680 --> 00:53:29,719
Speaker 6: until adults make them aware. So I'm very conscious of that,

1126
00:53:29,760 --> 00:53:32,640
Speaker 6: Like my child has no scope of that, and I

1127
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:35,600
Speaker 6: don't want to put that on our social bullshit, you know,

1128
00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:36,320
Speaker 6: on our kids.

1129
00:53:36,320 --> 00:53:38,319
Speaker 8: So I don't I don't believe in that. Obviously I'm

1130
00:53:38,320 --> 00:53:41,239
Speaker 8: not gonna let her be butt naked on Instagram.

1131
00:53:41,280 --> 00:53:45,359
Speaker 5: But you know, do you think what if your daughter

1132
00:53:45,400 --> 00:53:49,560
Speaker 5: wanted to pose naked on Instagram at like I don't know,

1133
00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:52,520
Speaker 5: eighteen eighteen or younger even I.

1134
00:53:52,440 --> 00:53:54,439
Speaker 4: Mean modeling, even if she did want to be a model.

1135
00:53:54,480 --> 00:53:55,960
Speaker 4: I mean mom was like fifteen.

1136
00:53:55,760 --> 00:53:57,799
Speaker 5: Years old these days, I know, we didn't like full

1137
00:53:57,880 --> 00:53:59,799
Speaker 5: grown like campaigns like even now.

1138
00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:01,000
Speaker 4: I don't know. I don't know.

1139
00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:05,799
Speaker 5: Maybe for that, like young girls posing nude for like

1140
00:54:06,160 --> 00:54:08,400
Speaker 5: high fashion campaigns.

1141
00:54:07,840 --> 00:54:11,120
Speaker 7: I is that a thing. I didn't start modeling modeling

1142
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:13,680
Speaker 7: until after I was already eighteen, so I can't even

1143
00:54:13,719 --> 00:54:14,440
Speaker 7: speak on I.

1144
00:54:16,400 --> 00:54:17,040
Speaker 4: Would hope.

1145
00:54:17,080 --> 00:54:22,080
Speaker 7: So they can probably get away with doing stuff that

1146
00:54:22,360 --> 00:54:26,160
Speaker 7: reads sexual and is implied or maybe if they have

1147
00:54:26,280 --> 00:54:28,800
Speaker 7: the consent of the parent, if they're like sixteen seventeen,

1148
00:54:28,840 --> 00:54:30,000
Speaker 7: I don't know how that goes.

1149
00:54:31,520 --> 00:54:34,640
Speaker 6: Didn't the underage child post for Playboy in France? That

1150
00:54:34,719 --> 00:54:36,480
Speaker 6: was a big thing when he died, he have it

1151
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:37,880
Speaker 6: was like someone known Tom.

1152
00:54:38,120 --> 00:54:41,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know, but with your if your daughter

1153
00:54:41,080 --> 00:54:42,799
Speaker 5: wanted to do that because you were open about it,

1154
00:54:42,960 --> 00:54:44,680
Speaker 5: walk into it, how would you feel about that?

1155
00:54:45,760 --> 00:54:48,280
Speaker 7: I would ask her why, because I think the intention

1156
00:54:48,560 --> 00:54:52,440
Speaker 7: behind it really matters. Like, for one, something can be

1157
00:54:52,480 --> 00:54:54,840
Speaker 7: perceived as sexual, whether that was my intention or not,

1158
00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:57,000
Speaker 7: right Like I can just post a selfie and somebody's

1159
00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:58,600
Speaker 7: and be like, oh, you're so sexy, and then I

1160
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:01,120
Speaker 7: could be button neck and some like oh you're so sexy.

1161
00:55:01,560 --> 00:55:07,759
Speaker 7: So just because she's naked doesn't necessarily mean that it's sexual.

1162
00:55:07,960 --> 00:55:10,319
Speaker 7: So I would ask her, Okay, what's the concept, what

1163
00:55:10,440 --> 00:55:13,120
Speaker 7: is it for? Why are you doing it? Do I

1164
00:55:13,200 --> 00:55:16,000
Speaker 7: want her spread ego on the internet at any point

1165
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:18,959
Speaker 7: in her life? No, I always want it to be

1166
00:55:19,120 --> 00:55:22,920
Speaker 7: like tasteful and I don't know have a reason behind it.

1167
00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:26,160
Speaker 7: I hope that our relationship is open and fluid enough

1168
00:55:26,200 --> 00:55:28,920
Speaker 7: that if that ever comes up, we're able to have a.

1169
00:55:28,840 --> 00:55:30,520
Speaker 4: Full blown conversation about.

1170
00:55:30,239 --> 00:55:31,719
Speaker 7: It, right cause kind of like what you were saying,

1171
00:55:31,719 --> 00:55:33,520
Speaker 7: you know, Okay, they put pennies in my diaper, I'm

1172
00:55:33,520 --> 00:55:36,280
Speaker 7: not a stripper. Like talking to my daughter about suicide

1173
00:55:36,360 --> 00:55:38,600
Speaker 7: mental health isn't gonna make her suicidal. Talking to my

1174
00:55:38,680 --> 00:55:42,160
Speaker 7: daughter about nudity isn't gonna make her jump on a

1175
00:55:42,200 --> 00:55:46,880
Speaker 7: pole naked. You know. Not having those conversations, however, might

1176
00:55:47,040 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 7: open up the door to a.

1177
00:55:48,040 --> 00:55:49,880
Speaker 4: Lot of that dark stuff that we were trying to avoid.

1178
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:53,759
Speaker 6: Right, I have another question I I don't know, like,

1179
00:55:53,760 --> 00:55:55,000
Speaker 6: what's your sexual preference?

1180
00:55:55,239 --> 00:55:56,600
Speaker 4: I'm by, okay, do.

1181
00:55:56,600 --> 00:55:57,960
Speaker 8: You discuss that with your daughter?

1182
00:55:58,239 --> 00:55:58,439
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1183
00:55:58,520 --> 00:56:02,239
Speaker 7: She would okay. So we went to our first Pride

1184
00:56:02,239 --> 00:56:04,839
Speaker 7: in Atlanta and it was really cool. She was super young. Yeah,

1185
00:56:04,920 --> 00:56:07,440
Speaker 7: so she doesn't really remember that one too much. And

1186
00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:10,799
Speaker 7: then we went to New York Pride and somehow we

1187
00:56:10,880 --> 00:56:13,240
Speaker 7: ended up in the parade. It was totally by accident,

1188
00:56:13,480 --> 00:56:15,480
Speaker 7: and we were walking behind one of the floaties and

1189
00:56:15,480 --> 00:56:17,400
Speaker 7: they were giving us stuff to hand out to the audience.

1190
00:56:17,400 --> 00:56:18,880
Speaker 7: And I was like, how cool she can be, like

1191
00:56:19,000 --> 00:56:20,440
Speaker 7: really interactive. You know.

1192
00:56:20,520 --> 00:56:22,600
Speaker 8: It's it's sunglasses, it's like little.

1193
00:56:22,440 --> 00:56:25,160
Speaker 7: Beaded necklaces that have you know, the rainbow Pride stuff

1194
00:56:25,160 --> 00:56:27,520
Speaker 7: on there, and she's throwing stuff out. And then I

1195
00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:30,000
Speaker 7: realized we were behind the safe sex floating So my

1196
00:56:30,040 --> 00:56:34,040
Speaker 7: baby was throwing out condoms as open and progressive as

1197
00:56:34,080 --> 00:56:35,719
Speaker 7: I am. I was like, oh, hold on, safe sex

1198
00:56:35,800 --> 00:56:38,640
Speaker 7: is great, but love mama, throw those she knows. She

1199
00:56:38,719 --> 00:56:41,600
Speaker 7: knows that the rainbow flag is the gay flag. She

1200
00:56:41,680 --> 00:56:45,840
Speaker 7: knows that Mommy's buy. Her only question to me was, okay, well, mom,

1201
00:56:45,920 --> 00:56:48,160
Speaker 7: can I ask you something? Why didn't you marry daddy?

1202
00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:50,080
Speaker 7: And then I had to let her know that, hey,

1203
00:56:50,160 --> 00:56:52,719
Speaker 7: we love you very much, but we don't love each other.

1204
00:56:52,880 --> 00:56:54,200
Speaker 7: But but we love you, you know.

1205
00:56:54,480 --> 00:56:56,600
Speaker 5: And but she knows you're okay. So when you say

1206
00:56:56,600 --> 00:56:58,680
Speaker 5: she knows Mommy's bye, does she know what that means?

1207
00:56:58,880 --> 00:57:00,680
Speaker 4: You know, like you and like.

1208
00:57:00,640 --> 00:57:02,560
Speaker 8: With the woman romantic.

1209
00:57:02,760 --> 00:57:06,840
Speaker 7: So I'm very mindful about who I bring around my

1210
00:57:06,920 --> 00:57:10,680
Speaker 7: daughter and in what capacity. So any of the girlfriends

1211
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:13,560
Speaker 7: that she met, we never carried ourselves in a manner

1212
00:57:13,600 --> 00:57:16,640
Speaker 7: that let her know anything other than that's Mommy's friend.

1213
00:57:17,040 --> 00:57:19,720
Speaker 7: Not because I was hiding my sexuality, but because I

1214
00:57:19,960 --> 00:57:22,640
Speaker 7: before I introduce you as a partner to my daughter,

1215
00:57:22,920 --> 00:57:24,959
Speaker 7: I need to know that this is something a little

1216
00:57:25,000 --> 00:57:29,480
Speaker 7: bit more stable. And then my relationships kind of And

1217
00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:31,720
Speaker 7: this is when I stopped dating, because I realized that

1218
00:57:31,800 --> 00:57:34,040
Speaker 7: if all my relationships are capping at a year a

1219
00:57:34,080 --> 00:57:36,880
Speaker 7: year and a half, I'm the common denominator. I got

1220
00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:39,520
Speaker 7: some stuff that I got to work out, so and

1221
00:57:39,600 --> 00:57:41,600
Speaker 7: I think that too, is kind of like when relationships

1222
00:57:41,600 --> 00:57:43,160
Speaker 7: start to get serious, like when you get to that

1223
00:57:43,280 --> 00:57:47,320
Speaker 7: year Marcus, oh, are we or aren't we or whatever,

1224
00:57:47,400 --> 00:57:53,040
Speaker 7: And that's when mine always fizzled out. My ex happened

1225
00:57:53,080 --> 00:57:54,480
Speaker 7: to be a man. He was the first man I

1226
00:57:54,560 --> 00:57:58,480
Speaker 7: dated in five years, and we got to a year

1227
00:57:58,520 --> 00:58:01,800
Speaker 7: and a half ish, and I took that step and

1228
00:58:01,840 --> 00:58:04,400
Speaker 7: I introduced her to him, and then it ended up

1229
00:58:04,400 --> 00:58:06,840
Speaker 7: biting me in the butt. And so I'm trying not

1230
00:58:06,880 --> 00:58:09,520
Speaker 7: to lead with fear now because like, oh dang, the

1231
00:58:09,520 --> 00:58:11,400
Speaker 7: first time I did introduce her and it didn't work

1232
00:58:11,400 --> 00:58:15,640
Speaker 7: out so well, but kids are so strong and resilient,

1233
00:58:15,720 --> 00:58:16,800
Speaker 7: and she took it better than I.

1234
00:58:16,840 --> 00:58:16,920
Speaker 6: Do.

1235
00:58:16,960 --> 00:58:19,240
Speaker 7: You know what she said to me? She said, Mom,

1236
00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:22,360
Speaker 7: I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sorry your relationship didn't work.

1237
00:58:22,240 --> 00:58:24,880
Speaker 8: Out so deep for any year.

1238
00:58:25,120 --> 00:58:28,160
Speaker 7: Yeah. So she understands that love is love, that two

1239
00:58:28,160 --> 00:58:30,160
Speaker 7: women can love each other, that two men can love

1240
00:58:30,200 --> 00:58:33,400
Speaker 7: each other, that one day mommy might love a woman.

1241
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:36,000
Speaker 7: And she just as long as I answered her question

1242
00:58:36,080 --> 00:58:38,720
Speaker 7: on why hurt me and her dad weren't together, that

1243
00:58:38,800 --> 00:58:39,959
Speaker 7: was really all she cared about.

1244
00:58:40,280 --> 00:58:41,160
Speaker 4: Do you want more kids?

1245
00:58:43,080 --> 00:58:45,520
Speaker 7: Before I had her, I said, I was gonna have

1246
00:58:45,560 --> 00:58:47,600
Speaker 7: four boys and I was gonna be a super mom

1247
00:58:47,720 --> 00:58:53,440
Speaker 7: and all this other bullshit, and now having a daughter,

1248
00:58:53,480 --> 00:58:55,480
Speaker 7: I'm like, Oh, God really knows what he's doing, cause

1249
00:58:55,520 --> 00:58:57,200
Speaker 7: I have no idea what I would have done with

1250
00:58:57,200 --> 00:58:58,960
Speaker 7: the boy.

1251
00:58:58,000 --> 00:59:00,680
Speaker 4: I don't know what I would.

1252
00:59:00,280 --> 00:59:04,440
Speaker 7: Have taught him. I don't. I just I'm glad I

1253
00:59:04,440 --> 00:59:07,640
Speaker 7: had a daughter. That being said, having her so young

1254
00:59:08,200 --> 00:59:12,240
Speaker 7: really through a monkey wrench in my timeline. I have

1255
00:59:12,320 --> 00:59:15,520
Speaker 7: siblings that are four years older and thirteen months younger,

1256
00:59:15,760 --> 00:59:18,160
Speaker 7: and we're really close knit. I have seen at work

1257
00:59:18,160 --> 00:59:21,640
Speaker 7: where people have those big gaps between their kids, and

1258
00:59:21,720 --> 00:59:24,680
Speaker 7: it still is a great dynamic. But I do worry

1259
00:59:24,800 --> 00:59:27,919
Speaker 7: how that would change the sibling dynamic because she's eight now.

1260
00:59:29,120 --> 00:59:30,920
Speaker 7: I would have to pop out a baby within the

1261
00:59:30,960 --> 00:59:34,200
Speaker 7: next two years. And I very.

1262
00:59:34,040 --> 00:59:38,360
Speaker 4: Happy with how my stomach looks. Maybe not right.

1263
00:59:39,600 --> 00:59:42,040
Speaker 7: I mean, if I'm with a woman she has the

1264
00:59:42,080 --> 00:59:44,320
Speaker 7: same ovaries I do, she can carry the baby, then

1265
00:59:44,360 --> 00:59:45,600
Speaker 7: we can open up that conversation.

1266
00:59:45,640 --> 00:59:48,520
Speaker 8: Right, But as long as you're doing the carrying.

1267
00:59:48,520 --> 00:59:51,120
Speaker 7: Yeah, I don't know. I'm totally cool with like adopting

1268
00:59:51,200 --> 00:59:53,360
Speaker 7: and being a foster mom, and there's so many ways

1269
00:59:53,400 --> 00:59:57,280
Speaker 7: to parents, so I'm blessed if I don't, and if

1270
00:59:57,320 --> 00:59:58,880
Speaker 7: I do, then God blessed me more.

1271
00:59:58,960 --> 01:00:04,520
Speaker 4: It could go either way. That's cool. Do you have

1272
01:00:04,560 --> 01:00:10,160
Speaker 4: any other questions talk about me?

1273
01:00:10,480 --> 01:00:14,440
Speaker 6: No, not necessarily other than the I think really covered

1274
01:00:14,440 --> 01:00:17,120
Speaker 6: the sexuality, and I think it's it's a given that

1275
01:00:17,160 --> 01:00:20,040
Speaker 6: we're living a patriarchy, and so there's a lot of

1276
01:00:20,760 --> 01:00:22,320
Speaker 6: double standards.

1277
01:00:21,880 --> 01:00:25,200
Speaker 7: Right, like virgin testing that's strictly done on girls, but

1278
01:00:25,640 --> 01:00:26,720
Speaker 7: virgin testing, I went to.

1279
01:00:26,720 --> 01:00:31,200
Speaker 5: School with a girl testing Like you go to doctors

1280
01:00:31,280 --> 01:00:33,040
Speaker 5: or you go to hospitals and the thing you still.

1281
01:00:33,680 --> 01:00:36,720
Speaker 7: Mother can make you do that you can break your

1282
01:00:36,720 --> 01:00:39,160
Speaker 7: home and falling off. Yeah, so that doesn't mean that

1283
01:00:39,200 --> 01:00:40,320
Speaker 7: you're not a virgin.

1284
01:00:40,400 --> 01:00:41,360
Speaker 8: Doctor still doing that?

1285
01:00:42,160 --> 01:00:44,680
Speaker 7: Maybe maybe I don't know, but this was I know,

1286
01:00:45,480 --> 01:00:47,760
Speaker 7: we'll see my ten year reunion is coming up. But still,

1287
01:00:47,800 --> 01:00:49,800
Speaker 7: there was a girl that was sneaking out at the

1288
01:00:49,800 --> 01:00:52,200
Speaker 7: time and her parents found out and they thought that

1289
01:00:52,240 --> 01:00:54,280
Speaker 7: she was maybe sleeping around, and they took her to

1290
01:00:54,280 --> 01:00:56,400
Speaker 7: the doctors and they made her get a virgin test,

1291
01:00:56,440 --> 01:00:58,919
Speaker 7: which is like, I am, I feel like that would

1292
01:00:58,960 --> 01:01:01,760
Speaker 7: be really traumatizing because he the daughter was a virgin,

1293
01:01:01,840 --> 01:01:04,200
Speaker 7: so she hadn't been speaking out she hadn't whatever, and

1294
01:01:04,240 --> 01:01:06,920
Speaker 7: now you're making your child. I hate going to get

1295
01:01:06,920 --> 01:01:08,360
Speaker 7: a pet, but I have to get it done. I

1296
01:01:08,360 --> 01:01:13,040
Speaker 7: can't imagine that right. But it's not done on boys.

1297
01:01:13,280 --> 01:01:15,760
Speaker 7: You're not worried about virgin testing for your son.

1298
01:01:16,040 --> 01:01:19,880
Speaker 8: There's no way to test. People still do it.

1299
01:01:20,000 --> 01:01:22,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, women bear the bear all of the blame we bear.

1300
01:01:23,040 --> 01:01:25,080
Speaker 5: We have to bear the children, we have to take

1301
01:01:25,120 --> 01:01:27,000
Speaker 5: the birth control, we have to do, go through all

1302
01:01:27,040 --> 01:01:30,360
Speaker 5: the means of like with our body, like.

1303
01:01:30,440 --> 01:01:34,760
Speaker 7: We have to be a pure, sanctified unicorn. But we

1304
01:01:35,240 --> 01:01:37,320
Speaker 7: drop it like it is hot and work and busted.

1305
01:01:37,480 --> 01:01:39,240
Speaker 7: But how are we supposed to learn these tricks? We're

1306
01:01:39,280 --> 01:01:41,720
Speaker 7: so pure and holy and can't.

1307
01:01:42,240 --> 01:01:46,400
Speaker 6: I'm so sickod ship, I can't.

1308
01:01:46,400 --> 01:01:48,160
Speaker 8: I can't even I don't even know how to navigate it.

1309
01:01:48,960 --> 01:01:52,439
Speaker 6: Seriously, it's just so such a double standard, and it's

1310
01:01:52,440 --> 01:01:57,440
Speaker 6: so hard to be like a multifaceted woman. They were

1311
01:01:57,440 --> 01:02:00,280
Speaker 6: giving all the travel they were giving beyonce child when

1312
01:02:00,320 --> 01:02:02,959
Speaker 6: she became a mother was being sexual. It's like, fuck

1313
01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:05,160
Speaker 6: if Beyonce and Kim K can't get away with it,

1314
01:02:05,680 --> 01:02:08,000
Speaker 6: we put all my sexuality behind.

1315
01:02:07,640 --> 01:02:10,400
Speaker 7: Me nowhere, And I'm so tired of people acting like

1316
01:02:10,480 --> 01:02:14,040
Speaker 7: the vagina is gonna stretch out, like get loose. Half

1317
01:02:14,080 --> 01:02:16,320
Speaker 7: of the guys that say that stuff don't have the

1318
01:02:16,320 --> 01:02:18,400
Speaker 7: physical capacity that stretch.

1319
01:02:18,120 --> 01:02:18,800
Speaker 4: A woman out.

1320
01:02:19,200 --> 01:02:22,840
Speaker 7: A b The vagina is like a muscle, right, So

1321
01:02:22,880 --> 01:02:25,360
Speaker 7: it's not this thing that gets looser and looser, like

1322
01:02:25,600 --> 01:02:26,720
Speaker 7: it's more like a scrunchy.

1323
01:02:26,760 --> 01:02:26,960
Speaker 8: You know.

1324
01:02:27,040 --> 01:02:29,920
Speaker 7: It can stretch and then it contracts again, you know.

1325
01:02:30,200 --> 01:02:33,880
Speaker 6: So it's just the way to fuck with us, and

1326
01:02:33,920 --> 01:02:36,000
Speaker 6: that way to be like, she's a whore, that's the

1327
01:02:36,000 --> 01:02:39,120
Speaker 6: whole thing, Like she's that's the biggest guy thing in

1328
01:02:39,240 --> 01:02:39,720
Speaker 6: sul A guy.

1329
01:02:39,720 --> 01:02:42,560
Speaker 8: I can throw it. She's a lucy whore.

1330
01:02:43,080 --> 01:02:44,840
Speaker 4: I heard she's sad with four people and not even

1331
01:02:44,880 --> 01:02:45,560
Speaker 4: guys women too.

1332
01:02:45,960 --> 01:02:47,600
Speaker 8: Yeah, and that and that's fucked up too. We use

1333
01:02:47,600 --> 01:02:48,400
Speaker 8: it against each other.

1334
01:02:48,480 --> 01:02:51,720
Speaker 5: It was always sexual. The way we demean women is

1335
01:02:51,800 --> 01:02:53,240
Speaker 5: always based in sects.

1336
01:02:53,280 --> 01:02:54,680
Speaker 7: Do you watch Chess Cards either?

1337
01:02:54,960 --> 01:02:56,040
Speaker 4: I haven't watched the season.

1338
01:02:56,280 --> 01:02:58,439
Speaker 7: I haven't watched it in a while either. I ever

1339
01:02:58,560 --> 01:03:01,400
Speaker 7: since that I know Ken's but before that I was

1340
01:03:01,440 --> 01:03:05,760
Speaker 7: watching it religiously so amazing. There was one episode and

1341
01:03:05,840 --> 01:03:09,400
Speaker 7: Kevin Spacey says everything is about sexcept for sex. Sex

1342
01:03:09,480 --> 01:03:10,640
Speaker 7: is about power and I was.

1343
01:03:10,600 --> 01:03:16,800
Speaker 4: Like, ooh, there's some truth there. Unfortunately, that's true.

1344
01:03:17,040 --> 01:03:17,600
Speaker 5: That's true.

1345
01:03:18,680 --> 01:03:20,520
Speaker 4: Did you have any more questions? I don't think so.

1346
01:03:23,800 --> 01:03:26,560
Speaker 7: Thank you so much for coming, thank you for having me.

1347
01:03:26,640 --> 01:03:30,720
Speaker 6: Absolutely, I appreciate that conversation. So many things in my

1348
01:03:30,760 --> 01:03:33,240
Speaker 6: mind now enlightened moments.

1349
01:03:33,800 --> 01:03:38,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, and thank you for coming down here and hanging out.

1350
01:03:38,680 --> 01:03:40,200
Speaker 4: And I'm so happy I got to meet you in

1351
01:03:40,280 --> 01:03:43,880
Speaker 4: personal likewise community, you know, to talk.

1352
01:03:43,680 --> 01:03:46,560
Speaker 5: And communicate and see like you know, you actually hear

1353
01:03:46,600 --> 01:03:49,720
Speaker 5: people speak and you're like, oh wow, not like you

1354
01:03:49,800 --> 01:03:52,080
Speaker 5: just never know. You just never know when you're meeting someone,

1355
01:03:52,200 --> 01:03:54,400
Speaker 5: like how your energy is going to connect. And that's

1356
01:03:54,400 --> 01:03:58,120
Speaker 5: why I love podcasting, because it gives you the opportunity

1357
01:03:58,160 --> 01:04:00,120
Speaker 5: to just connect with people that you might never have

1358
01:04:00,280 --> 01:04:01,880
Speaker 5: connected with and you can't. I could have just I

1359
01:04:01,880 --> 01:04:04,480
Speaker 5: could have just been kept scrolling on the Instagram, on

1360
01:04:04,520 --> 01:04:06,920
Speaker 5: your Instagram, like, I wonder what she's like.

1361
01:04:07,440 --> 01:04:09,480
Speaker 7: If you can be anybody on social media but face

1362
01:04:09,520 --> 01:04:11,920
Speaker 7: to face, if you're a really good actor, great, But

1363
01:04:12,160 --> 01:04:13,640
Speaker 7: it's harder to fake the energy.

1364
01:04:14,120 --> 01:04:16,160
Speaker 8: It's almost a possible that energy.

1365
01:04:16,280 --> 01:04:17,800
Speaker 4: Absolutely, and I'm an energy person.

1366
01:04:18,320 --> 01:04:21,280
Speaker 8: Oh yeah, that's true. This is our water science.

1367
01:04:21,040 --> 01:04:22,480
Speaker 7: Being we've been getting into your scorpio.

1368
01:04:22,480 --> 01:04:25,720
Speaker 8: On your cancel, we'll be reading.

1369
01:04:26,440 --> 01:04:31,360
Speaker 6: Let's just go for a swim only only one person episode,

1370
01:04:33,040 --> 01:04:33,920
Speaker 6: one person at a time.

1371
01:04:34,080 --> 01:04:36,880
Speaker 4: Oh my god. All right, you guys. Well, I'll keep

1372
01:04:36,880 --> 01:04:38,360
Speaker 4: timele listeners where they can find you.

1373
01:04:39,680 --> 01:04:44,320
Speaker 7: W dow dot alexandun dot com, Instagram, also Alexandune dot com.

1374
01:04:44,360 --> 01:04:46,320
Speaker 7: And if you guys are in Atlanta, I'm hosting my

1375
01:04:46,440 --> 01:04:49,800
Speaker 7: very first workshop, Build your Brand Beginner's Guide to Modeling

1376
01:04:50,160 --> 01:04:52,280
Speaker 7: to check out. I have a lot to teach you guys.

1377
01:04:52,520 --> 01:04:52,880
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1378
01:04:53,160 --> 01:04:56,960
Speaker 7: August seventeen. Oh, I'm really excited to go back to Atlanta.

1379
01:04:57,000 --> 01:04:59,320
Speaker 7: Lanta is a great to live there. No, but I

1380
01:04:59,360 --> 01:05:00,840
Speaker 7: just have friends there. I have family there.

1381
01:05:01,680 --> 01:05:01,840
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1382
01:05:03,160 --> 01:05:04,520
Speaker 4: Congratulations, Thank you.

1383
01:05:05,000 --> 01:05:07,600
Speaker 5: And you can find us at Good Mom's Underscore, Bad

1384
01:05:07,680 --> 01:05:13,560
Speaker 5: Choices or on the interweb www dot Goodmoms, bad Choices

1385
01:05:14,120 --> 01:05:17,000
Speaker 5: dot com. Subscribe to our newsletter by our.

1386
01:05:17,000 --> 01:05:21,600
Speaker 8: Merch follow us, love us, subscribe.

1387
01:05:21,200 --> 01:05:24,080
Speaker 4: Write a review. If you have some time, go in

1388
01:05:24,160 --> 01:05:24,840
Speaker 4: and hit that review.

1389
01:05:24,880 --> 01:05:27,040
Speaker 8: But you have time, it takes three minutes.

1390
01:05:27,120 --> 01:05:27,280
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1391
01:05:27,320 --> 01:05:28,200
Speaker 4: If you've been listening and.

1392
01:05:28,240 --> 01:05:31,240
Speaker 5: You have left, review us a favor of a little review,

1393
01:05:31,280 --> 01:05:32,439
Speaker 5: give us a five star rating.

1394
01:05:32,520 --> 01:05:36,480
Speaker 4: Beach and have a wonderful week.

1395
01:05:36,520 --> 01:05:55,040
Speaker 2: You guys know the thrill it. Man, I'll stand you India.

1396
01:05:55,520 --> 01:06:05,080
Speaker 2: That's no train, No, that's lo