Speaker 1: Wine Down with Janna Kramer and I Heart Radio Plae.
Speaker 1: We got some harmonies on that one. This is going
Speaker 1: to be a really fun one. I'm excited because there's
Speaker 1: gonna be some really juicy stories we're going to tell
Speaker 1: in this show. So I've got one of my dearest
Speaker 1: besties here, Julie Solomon. Give it up for Julie, and
Speaker 1: then of course, um, Jen and Michael Hello, and just
Speaker 1: one little Jenna takes it for granted. Jen, take you
Speaker 1: guys for granted at all? At all? Apause, I'm sorry
Speaker 1: because you guys are just yeah, you're the rags, and
Speaker 1: Julie is like, she's my guest, you know, our guest,
Speaker 1: and you're the guest of honor. So, um, do you
Speaker 1: want to because I feel like we walked into like
Speaker 1: something and you wanted to share it on air. I
Speaker 1: have no idea what you want to share, but do
Speaker 1: you want to talk about it? Yeah? Right now, right now?
Speaker 1: I mean what I said to you, as I said,
Speaker 1: are you sure you want to share it on air? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I'm you know, because it has to do with divorce,
Speaker 1: it does. It has to do with divorce. I had
Speaker 1: my last mediation appoint appointment. I guess you'd call it
Speaker 1: with him or with him and the mediator. You didn't
Speaker 1: go through a lawyer. You you guys wanted to sit
Speaker 1: down media use the mediator, which I think was a
Speaker 1: great experience. Why why that versus lawyer lawyer? Because the
Speaker 1: clause didn't come out. It's all about communicating and having
Speaker 1: somebody there to mediate. You know, it will have lawyers
Speaker 1: if that happens to Michael, I don't want to talk
Speaker 1: to you once again, my pessimistic wife. Prepare for the worst.
Speaker 1: It listened mediation the way every you know, when it
Speaker 1: was mediation day the night before, I'd be like, oh god,
Speaker 1: I have to go in there. And you know, if
Speaker 1: you don't want to look back to the mediator, right,
Speaker 1: you kind of want to be No, No, It's okay,
Speaker 1: you could have the lake house, right, It's like here
Speaker 1: you go. What else can I give you? Anyways, So
Speaker 1: we are wrapping it up and we're actually signing the deals.
Speaker 1: I'm calling them deals, So like, this is what you get,
Speaker 1: this is what you get, This is all the time
Speaker 1: I get with Rocco. These are the days. Got a
Speaker 1: six year old boy named Rocco too. So, and what
Speaker 1: did you do for holidays. Sorry, we switch. Easter is
Speaker 1: very important to him and his family, so you know
Speaker 1: that's something that he gets. Um, I always get Halloween. Um,
Speaker 1: that's written in and every other holiday just give you
Speaker 1: got it. And then we switch back and forth for
Speaker 1: you know, the holidays, Christmas and every other year. Or
Speaker 1: We've been really flexible with each other when it comes
Speaker 1: to holidays anyways. You know, if he really wants them
Speaker 1: for Thanksgiving because his family has something going on, I'm
Speaker 1: okay with that. You know, we we communicate really well
Speaker 1: when it comes to Rocko and then we have no
Speaker 1: communication other than that, which is ven. That's good. So
Speaker 1: we're wrapping up and he says, oh, I have one
Speaker 1: more thing that I would like to put into the paperwork.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, is the mediation one session? About five
Speaker 1: and then you have like a financial mediation to like,
Speaker 1: that's all part of it, that's all part of it.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, what is he? What's he? What's he
Speaker 1: going to ask for? Everything has been done, like the
Speaker 1: house has done, like everything go. So I would like
Speaker 1: to put it in the paperwork that she has to
Speaker 1: switch her name back. What I want her? I want
Speaker 1: my name back? Oh, so you have to go back
Speaker 1: to your maiden name, right, But you can't do that.
Speaker 1: So I started laughing because it just made me. I
Speaker 1: was like, well that's interesting. I was like, am I
Speaker 1: this is real? I'm not dreaming right, This isn't like
Speaker 1: it's interesting. What was his intention of? Well, he doesn't
Speaker 1: think I deserved the last name, you know, like the
Speaker 1: whatever perks he thinks might come along with it. I'm
Speaker 1: not sure you can't claim to be me right. But
Speaker 1: the thing is is I number one, have a son
Speaker 1: with the last name, and I would like to keep
Speaker 1: the last name because it makes things more cohesive and
Speaker 1: it's easier when it comes to school or travel or
Speaker 1: medical whatever. I agree with that. Can you then say, well,
Speaker 1: let can we change Rocco's last name? Yes, that's what
Speaker 1: I would say. I said that, and I also said
Speaker 1: I have established a career over the last eighteen years
Speaker 1: under this name, and for me to go back to
Speaker 1: my baby there are you know, it's just not the easy.
Speaker 1: It's such a pain to change your name too. Even
Speaker 1: if you want to change it on your words, you're
Speaker 1: gonna have to sit in your door. Can you imagine? Also,
Speaker 1: my license as a psychologist I'm under you know that
Speaker 1: last name. There's so many levels of you know that
Speaker 1: I would have to change so much it would take
Speaker 1: what did he say when you said the Rocco thing
Speaker 1: changing nothing less? He didn't even acknowledge that. Well, I
Speaker 1: would push for that if anything. Well, then he said,
Speaker 1: she said, well, you have no control over the mediator
Speaker 1: said that, yeah, if somebody changes their name or not.
Speaker 1: And he said, well what if I sue her drop
Speaker 1: the last name? And she said, I have no idea.
Speaker 1: I've been working in family court for twenty five years
Speaker 1: as an attorney. I've never had this question. Wow, but
Speaker 1: what what would be the grounds of suing? I don't know.
Speaker 1: He doesn't own the last name, right, he can't everybody. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but they're not legally mary It anymore. Her name is
Speaker 1: legally but they're not legally married. That has nothing to
Speaker 1: do with her now, because the name is not attached
Speaker 1: to the merrit you have. But that doesn't make sense
Speaker 1: to me. So I'm doing Devil's advocates all this. So
Speaker 1: it doesn't make sense that it's two separate things. Like
Speaker 1: when you go to a marriage, you have a license
Speaker 1: and paperwork for that. When you go to change your name,
Speaker 1: whether you ever become married to someone or not. Like
Speaker 1: if I wanted to go and change my name to
Speaker 1: something tomorrow, I would have to go and file certain
Speaker 1: paperwork and get a certain license for that name. Those
Speaker 1: are two completely separate things. Just because they happen to
Speaker 1: have the same last name because they were married, has
Speaker 1: no contingency on But shouldn't it though, No, Why I
Speaker 1: don't think so, because it's there's no there's no ownership,
Speaker 1: there's no intellectual guy. I'm just asking questions. We just
Speaker 1: think about, think about. Think about the couples that the
Speaker 1: female doesn't change her name like that, that doesn't mean
Speaker 1: they're not married because you don't change. My last name
Speaker 1: is Solomon legally, legally you didn't change it to Check. No,
Speaker 1: because you never change never. Never. It's such a pain.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to do it. Now when I have
Speaker 1: a email that is check and when I go to
Speaker 1: any kind of preschool related things with Camden, I just
Speaker 1: say my name is Julie Check but legally on my
Speaker 1: driver's license it is Solomon. But what about like her,
Speaker 1: you know, in her defense, and she's like when we
Speaker 1: go to the hospital and stuff, when they show that
Speaker 1: thing well you're not. Your last name is not Check.
Speaker 1: So are you really the parent? Yeah, that's never been
Speaker 1: a problem. Like when I go to the airport, it
Speaker 1: says Julie Solomon and then he's Camden Checked and and
Speaker 1: you you do you don't mind being a different last
Speaker 1: name than your son. I've been married before Jonathan, and
Speaker 1: it was such a pain to go through that process.
Speaker 1: Like I feel your pain with that, to go through
Speaker 1: the process of changing a name. I just said, like, legally,
Speaker 1: I'll never do that again. And now I've established you know,
Speaker 1: I have a business just everything that you I say
Speaker 1: when you establish yourself with a certain name. But um, yeah,
Speaker 1: I just I don't see there's no money, like there's
Speaker 1: no intellectual property or any kind of it's that tra monetary. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't understand what his other than just kind of
Speaker 1: like sounding spiteful. I don't really understand his point. I mean,
Speaker 1: I will say, I mean that's hard. But because so
Speaker 1: my mom, you know, she's you know, she's always been
Speaker 1: Cramer and she was married to my father for twenty years,
Speaker 1: but she's also been But I'm like, Mom, why didn't
Speaker 1: you ever go back to Kaufman. She's like, because Kramer
Speaker 1: is who is my name? It's the last name. You
Speaker 1: guys are Kramers. And I'm like, yeah, but you're so.
Speaker 1: I never I didn't understand why she didn't go back
Speaker 1: to her maiden name, because I would run back to
Speaker 1: my maiden name. Not like no offense, but like they
Speaker 1: can't pronounce your last name. So that's why I use Kramer.
Speaker 1: Why my name too, no one can say or pronounced check. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's I mean, so annoying. And then also with his cousin,
Speaker 1: like c A U S S as in Sam I N.
Speaker 1: And we check into this place this last weekend, is
Speaker 1: it coffin, I'm like, this is what your last name?
Speaker 1: Ever for the rest of the weekend, I was, hey,
Speaker 1: Mr Kramer, but I mean because legally, yes, I am cousin.
Speaker 1: And again I would want and if we here's the pessimist,
Speaker 1: if we were to get divorced, you know I would
Speaker 1: then maybe that's Julie to change it to Cramer. There's
Speaker 1: a lot of traditional elements that go with Julie. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but she traditionally the child the name of the father. Traditionally,
Speaker 1: traditionally the wife takes the name. Is traditional in this
Speaker 1: day exactly like when my mom divorced my dad, she
Speaker 1: kept Solomon until she got remarried. The reason why she
Speaker 1: didn't go back to her maiden name when she was like,
Speaker 1: I've been a Solomon since I was nineteen years old.
Speaker 1: I have two kids that are like and so by
Speaker 1: me consciously making this decision to not do that before
Speaker 1: I had a child, I was able to kind of
Speaker 1: keep it that way. If I would have had a
Speaker 1: child with a married name, I would I would keep
Speaker 1: the married name. I would want to keep them keep it.
Speaker 1: I'm never changing my name again. So if he if
Speaker 1: he sues you, you say, bring it on and bringing
Speaker 1: up the gradually laugh at him like what is like
Speaker 1: what the legal name? Okay, yeah, so what if he
Speaker 1: remarried and your future husband it was really important to
Speaker 1: him that you took his name, would that be something
Speaker 1: you'd even consider? It would be a long conversation. I'm
Speaker 1: really not in the headspace to change my name. Ever,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be able to for career reasons. Well, for
Speaker 1: career reasons, you can like so like, I'm always going
Speaker 1: to be Kramer, I'll never be Janna casson career, Like,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to change it. To Cosson girl, and
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, girl, I will always be
Speaker 1: you know, Crammer girl, like Jane Kramer is my like,
Speaker 1: so you can always go by. But legally you could
Speaker 1: change your name back, but you can still go by
Speaker 1: That's true. I guess I could. So that's still your work.
Speaker 1: That's name. That's the painful part. That's so much easier
Speaker 1: like everything, Yeah, like bank account, but it's really I
Speaker 1: mean it's yes and no, I mean the only thing
Speaker 1: that I'm costing, I mean yes legally and then for
Speaker 1: flights and stuff like that, and yes, that was it's
Speaker 1: always a change pain to change it. But again, you know,
Speaker 1: I still go by Kramer for so many things that
Speaker 1: I'm known as Kramer. And that's the only thing that
Speaker 1: really bothers you is when you get called Mr Kramer. Yeah,
Speaker 1: which was early in our relationship. And now I'm more
Speaker 1: you know, a lot more stable in my own world
Speaker 1: that and comfortable that I'm like, all right, whatever, just
Speaker 1: embrace it like I'm Mr Kramer. But I mean, but honestly,
Speaker 1: that was important to me when Jane and I first
Speaker 1: got together and we got married, was like I understood
Speaker 1: that the whole stage name aspect, But for me, it
Speaker 1: was important debate not changing because I had gone through
Speaker 1: the name change again with your husband, which we'll get
Speaker 1: too later, so oh my god, oh yes, we'll get
Speaker 1: there later. But I mean, I get I had to change.
Speaker 1: It's like and that was when we were only married
Speaker 1: for like a week, but I mean it's still It's
Speaker 1: such an annoying process to have to change your name,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, God, like to do that again. It's
Speaker 1: do you know, do I want to go through that
Speaker 1: hass again, because you're right, even just with the freaking
Speaker 1: changing airline number. Yes, I've thought about if my husband's
Speaker 1: last name was easy to stay and spell, like maybe
Speaker 1: one of these days, Yeah, then I would like go
Speaker 1: through the process if it mattered to him and matter
Speaker 1: to my son. But he doesn't care. They don't care.
Speaker 1: But you cared. Yeah, I cared, And that was just
Speaker 1: something for me. I was like, you can be Jane
Speaker 1: Kramer on stage all you want, but legally, I would
Speaker 1: love for paper for us, for us and our children
Speaker 1: to have the same last name. That was very important
Speaker 1: for me. Did you ever consider becoming Michael Kramer? I asked,
Speaker 1: I asked, Donna did that with her with her husband,
Speaker 1: and I said, now there you go, good for him
Speaker 1: and whatever. Hale um. Well, but again, like why is
Speaker 1: that though? I mean, I understand your grandpa carrying on
Speaker 1: his lineage. Yeah, And that's the thing. I was the
Speaker 1: only cost in mail for so long, grant I had
Speaker 1: my little brother. But it's up to my brother and
Speaker 1: I to keep the costs in name alive. But who
Speaker 1: really cares? It's just a name. Well, now you can
Speaker 1: change it. You'll have it now with your son, right,
Speaker 1: But again, it's just a name. Why does it really matter?
Speaker 1: Because for a lot especially as super traditional, but that's
Speaker 1: like your legacy, like for a lot of for a
Speaker 1: lot of old traditional people, that's like your legacy, your name.
Speaker 1: That the name means a lot to a lot of people.
Speaker 1: But why why do we put so much value on
Speaker 1: a last name? Because it's when you think about a
Speaker 1: last name, you think about it. I'm not saying, I'm
Speaker 1: just you have thoughts of maybe that family, have thoughts
Speaker 1: of those people, like oh, when you think of Creamer,
Speaker 1: you think of these attributes or these I don't, but
Speaker 1: I mean not really like the Kaufman Craamer, Like both
Speaker 1: sides of my family whether it's Rinaldi, Like, I don't
Speaker 1: think there Rinaldi's You know, my aunt siusan uncle were
Speaker 1: any less a part of my family because they have
Speaker 1: a different last name. I'm not saying that. I'm not
Speaker 1: saying that at all. It's just for some people, very
Speaker 1: traditional thinking is that there's something to a name, and
Speaker 1: they take a lot of pride in that. Well, I'm
Speaker 1: just curious how it's gonna change here, Yeah, in my situation,
Speaker 1: because she's like, can you bring it back to my situation? No, no, No,
Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying. What I'm saying is I understand
Speaker 1: the traditional because that's really what it's coming down to
Speaker 1: right here, because it's an ethnic family, right, layers and
Speaker 1: layers and layers of tradition when it comes to names,
Speaker 1: everything is about the name. And I get that. But
Speaker 1: because society is changing so much, and I understand your
Speaker 1: grandpa Cosson, I understand that, but I also why change
Speaker 1: your name, Janna? Because he made me I really truly
Speaker 1: didn't want to yeah for courthouse and said sign this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I I truly because I'm like, in this generation,
Speaker 1: who cares if I'm a Cramer Cosson check this that whatever,
Speaker 1: Like why can't I just be Janna? Like what, why
Speaker 1: does it really truly matter in this day and age. Again,
Speaker 1: I'm not shame people that change their name, just that
Speaker 1: disclaimer disclaimer, but again I do I do understand generationally,
Speaker 1: but now that things are changing, I'm curious to see
Speaker 1: if that's going to change to her. People don't change
Speaker 1: their last name. Yeah, I see more and more people
Speaker 1: not doing it in our generation than the generations before.
Speaker 1: But having said that, I did debate his sister because
Speaker 1: his sister is talking about not taking her maybe soon
Speaker 1: to be husband's last name, and I was like, for me,
Speaker 1: I do want the same last name as my child,
Speaker 1: So I would have encouraged her to be a Cramer
Speaker 1: or whatever. But again, I'd like it to be my
Speaker 1: last name. And as far as everyone knows at school,
Speaker 1: I have the same last name as my child, right,
Speaker 1: but the doctors and the health insurance companies and the
Speaker 1: airlines know that. I would be interested to see if
Speaker 1: if there is a situation where like maybe in your
Speaker 1: situation and you really wanted Rocco to take your last name,
Speaker 1: Like where if in the judicial system, if judges are
Speaker 1: just very traditional to and like, no, that's just not happened.
Speaker 1: That's not what we do. But with the change of times,
Speaker 1: maybe there is a judge that you can make a
Speaker 1: point for your child to have take the mother's maiden name,
Speaker 1: which would be really weird. Why because it hasn't been done.
Speaker 1: That's the only reason it hasn't been done. Okay, maybe
Speaker 1: have not been done, but I'm not I'm just saying
Speaker 1: it feels weird because it hasn't been done yet I'm
Speaker 1: sure it will. So I'm a total chicken when it
Speaker 1: comes to being home alone, which is why I'm so
Speaker 1: happy that I finally sponsored up with a d T.
Speaker 1: But what I love and why I feel safe in
Speaker 1: my house now is because I have a d T.
Speaker 1: So a t T can design and install a smart
Speaker 1: home just for you. It's back by seven protection. And
Speaker 1: for me that's huge because when my husband's gone and
Speaker 1: I'm home alone, it's just me and my little girl,
Speaker 1: and I want to make sure that we are safe
Speaker 1: and obviously soon to be another boy or as soon
Speaker 1: to be a boy on the way, so I just
Speaker 1: want to make sure that our house is protected, we
Speaker 1: are protected, and that I can sleep for the night
Speaker 1: and knowing everything is good and even when I'm not home,
Speaker 1: so if I forget to close the garage door or
Speaker 1: if I forget to lock the doors, things like that,
Speaker 1: or the thermostat. Those are also things that you can
Speaker 1: set up customization wise with a d T, which is fantastic.
Speaker 1: So a d T will set up your home with
Speaker 1: multiple smart home devices again, which is so so so great.
Speaker 1: So visit a DT dot com slash smart to learn
Speaker 1: more about how a d T can design and install
Speaker 1: a secure smart home just for you feel safe, just
Speaker 1: like I do. Well, you know what, I'm really excited
Speaker 1: because we have Samantha Harrison Studio. Hello. Hello, Hello, this
Speaker 1: is the most fun room ever. That's why it took
Speaker 1: me to write a freaking book to come on. And
Speaker 1: I was it was so funny because you instagram me
Speaker 1: said you're excited to meet me, and sometimes I don't
Speaker 1: know if it's someone else to know you have the
Speaker 1: check mark. But then I wrote you back and I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm so excited to meet you too, but no,
Speaker 1: I'm very genuinely like I I've loved you forever. I
Speaker 1: think you're an incredible host. What you do is fantastic.
Speaker 1: You're beautiful. You're so sweet and I'm just I was
Speaker 1: pumped to have you in studio. Well, I'm excited to
Speaker 1: be here. Congratulations on your second baby. So gorgeous. I mean, seriously,
Speaker 1: like the most beautiful pregnant girl. Never I hate her
Speaker 1: just a little bit. No, guys, tell me a little
Speaker 1: bit more. Um, Okay, I want to get to your book,
Speaker 1: but I also I want to talk about Can we
Speaker 1: talk about cancer? We can talk about Yes, that's that
Speaker 1: was the impetus for the book. So yes, how did
Speaker 1: you find out? So I was about to turn forty,
Speaker 1: more fit and healthier than I ever had been at
Speaker 1: the time, or so I thought. And I thought, you know,
Speaker 1: when you turn forty supposed to get a jump on
Speaker 1: that mammogram things. So let's, you know, set it up.
Speaker 1: They're staying thirty five now though, right, you know there
Speaker 1: everything changes because really it comes down sadly to your
Speaker 1: insurance and and there might be recommendations out there, but
Speaker 1: it comes down to your doctor and your insurance. So
Speaker 1: that's a topic for another day. But in my mind,
Speaker 1: it was forty set the baseline. I'm healthy. Let's get
Speaker 1: it while I'm healthy, right, And this is how many
Speaker 1: years ago. This was and a half years ago, forty
Speaker 1: later this year, and I'm very happy for every new
Speaker 1: year that I get to churn um and you know,
Speaker 1: and I set the baseline because my grandmother was a
Speaker 1: thirty year survivor post menopausal breast cancer, which has no
Speaker 1: connection to mine. My dad died of colin cancer at
Speaker 1: fifty um, and so cancer had been in my family.
Speaker 1: And I thought, I've got three and a six year
Speaker 1: old at home. Hey, let's let's do this. Had a
Speaker 1: clear mammogram. It's exactly what I thought it would be clear.
Speaker 1: Eleven days later, while I was changing after a workout class,
Speaker 1: I found a lump on the interior of my right
Speaker 1: breast And how did you or just kind of like
Speaker 1: one of those because I don't ever feel my boy,
Speaker 1: you don't don't either, all right, this is my if
Speaker 1: you take every now and then, yeah, Michael, really, Michael,
Speaker 1: sometimes it's about the men in your life. I can
Speaker 1: take that a lot of pressure on you and feeling
Speaker 1: them right now. Actually, okay, well look I think I think,
Speaker 1: you know, breastfeeding really helped me become comfortable with touching
Speaker 1: my bro and um, not just in the intimacy of
Speaker 1: my relationship. But you know, really, when you guys take
Speaker 1: off your bra after a long day, you aren't like
Speaker 1: a circle to the right circle to love. Move these
Speaker 1: things around like now I just get into bed and
Speaker 1: pass out. I mean, all right, well if you don't,
Speaker 1: my public service announcement is get in touch with your girls.
Speaker 1: Don't be afraid to fondle, feel touch. You need to
Speaker 1: know your body, not just your breast, but every part
Speaker 1: of it better than anyone else. And you can't rely
Speaker 1: on doctors to know your body because guess what, they
Speaker 1: see a lot of patients. So but okay, so anyways,
Speaker 1: you were taking your sports bra off. You found a
Speaker 1: lump in your right your right breas. Yeah. You know,
Speaker 1: I've been so compressed with the compression of a sports
Speaker 1: bra that I was like, oh, let's move these around.
Speaker 1: What the wait a second, what is that? Well, that's weird.
Speaker 1: That has not been there before. You just had a
Speaker 1: clear eleven days prior, had a clear mammogram. So you know,
Speaker 1: I figured, you know what, I'm going to be vigilant.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna call my O be with ju I n
Speaker 1: she you know, she's been touching my boobs since I
Speaker 1: was in my early twenties. Let's let's get her on this.
Speaker 1: She felt around and quick clinical exam said, honey, I'm
Speaker 1: not worried about it. She's really always been a non alarmist.
Speaker 1: She delivered both my kids, and I trusted my O. B. G.
Speaker 1: Y and more than any other doctor that I've ever had,
Speaker 1: because I don't want to go there. It's not I mean,
Speaker 1: well I know. So I left her soon after that
Speaker 1: um and she sent me on my way. And then
Speaker 1: a month later, that same lump was there, and I thought,
Speaker 1: you know, I better get a second opinion, so I
Speaker 1: went to this is my mistake. I went to see
Speaker 1: my intern is now you you need to go to
Speaker 1: the doctor. In turnus are kind of they're more there.
Speaker 1: No no, no no. An internet is your general practitioner, right,
Speaker 1: your your main your main doc when you have a cold,
Speaker 1: when you need to go for your annual well check up.
Speaker 1: So I went to see him and he did the
Speaker 1: same thing, quick, feel around, looks good if your word,
Speaker 1: will keep an eye on it, sent me on my way,
Speaker 1: and four months later and it was four months later
Speaker 1: only on top of it, well, you know it's creal
Speaker 1: when you get especially as a as a Mom, you're
Speaker 1: juggling so much, and so for me, the reason I
Speaker 1: jumped from two months to four months before I finally
Speaker 1: went to see a surgical oncologist was because it was
Speaker 1: the holidays and it was birth, youngest, third birth that like,
Speaker 1: it was just so much was going on. You forget
Speaker 1: you put yourself at the lowest end of the totem
Speaker 1: pole and our health. If we're not taking care of
Speaker 1: our own health, we're not going to be around to
Speaker 1: take care of those we are meant to take care of.
Speaker 1: So self care, which is a really big part of
Speaker 1: my book, Your Healthiest Healthy, And I know we're going
Speaker 1: to talk about the book in a little bit, but
Speaker 1: self care is so essential and I think that sometimes
Speaker 1: we feel as women guilty to care for ourselves. Um,
Speaker 1: but I so you went. So I went to see
Speaker 1: a surgical oncologist. I saw um, both her and one
Speaker 1: of her partners. I had to ultrasounds, a needle biopsy
Speaker 1: than a subsequent m r I. And the crazy thing
Speaker 1: was that nothing detected cants? What what? And that is
Speaker 1: a story that I keep hearing as I tell mine,
Speaker 1: more and more women say that happened to me too.
Speaker 1: So then how did you find well, thankfully, because of
Speaker 1: the needle biopsy, it came back. She walked in the
Speaker 1: room and said, okay, have the results of the new
Speaker 1: needle biopsy. The pathology said good news and bad news.
Speaker 1: The good news is it's not cancer, but it was.
Speaker 1: The bad news is I don't know what it is,
Speaker 1: so you know what, it's a collection of irregular cells.
Speaker 1: Let's just take it out. So I had a lumpecto
Speaker 1: me and and this is where you really do want
Speaker 1: to go to a doctor m who you feel is
Speaker 1: a really really good in their field and someone who's
Speaker 1: done this time and time and time again. And she
Speaker 1: looks at breast every day. She knows what she's looking for.
Speaker 1: And when she was in there for the surgery, she
Speaker 1: ended up taking out which she at the time thought
Speaker 1: looked like a little bit of extra healthy tissue, but
Speaker 1: she just wanted to sample it. So not only do
Speaker 1: we find that I had ductal car sonoma in sight too,
Speaker 1: which is me breast cancer that is contained within the
Speaker 1: milk duct and thankfully not smart enough to get out
Speaker 1: of it. So it had been that, and only that
Speaker 1: that would have been end a story done. No worries
Speaker 1: like had a lumpectomy, go on about my life. But
Speaker 1: that little tissue sample she took was invasive, which went
Speaker 1: to got smart. It got out of the doctor pat's
Speaker 1: read and they said, oh, we caught it so early,
Speaker 1: had a double mess. Back to me, actually had gone
Speaker 1: to a lymph node. So all of a sudden, my
Speaker 1: stage one early caught it when stage two. So the
Speaker 1: bottom line here is you have to be an advocate
Speaker 1: for your own health. You have to take care of yourself.
Speaker 1: Well that's so hard though when you have three doctors
Speaker 1: essentially been like, no, nothing's wrong, You're fine. Just a lump,
Speaker 1: just a lump, right. Well, and again, thankfully the surgical
Speaker 1: on collegist, who is the specialist in the field at
Speaker 1: least listen to her own gut as a specialist, and
Speaker 1: she says, she saved you. I saved my life by
Speaker 1: getting to her, and she saved my life by going
Speaker 1: in and sampling something that she thought wasn't necessarily dangerous. UM.
Speaker 1: And then I waited, you know, do I want another
Speaker 1: lumpectomy with radiation for six weeks or do I want
Speaker 1: to have a double single or double mess decktomy? And
Speaker 1: it is such a personal decision. Um, anyone out there
Speaker 1: who's living with a new, you know, new diagnosis of
Speaker 1: breast cancer, you really have to learn all you can,
Speaker 1: weigh all of your options and figure out what is
Speaker 1: best for you and for me. I don't want to
Speaker 1: be looking over my shoulder every day, so I wanted
Speaker 1: a double mess deck to me my breast. Thank goodness,
Speaker 1: we're able to take me through my twenties with enjoyment,
Speaker 1: feed my kids and give them the nutrition through breastfeeding
Speaker 1: that they needed. And they did the job they did
Speaker 1: and I needed to do. And um, did you end
Speaker 1: up getting? And I had reconstruction? Reconstruction? Did um? And
Speaker 1: you know they're pros and cons about that as well,
Speaker 1: but um, you know everything looks great and clothes, so
Speaker 1: there you go. Is that something else did you I'm
Speaker 1: not going to make it any time soon, No, but
Speaker 1: it was something where I mean, hopefully your husband made
Speaker 1: you feel beautiful? Yes, yes, and you know, and that
Speaker 1: was even something that was you know, challenging, and I
Speaker 1: actually I go into it in the book about the
Speaker 1: intimacy and how a surgery like that changes you and
Speaker 1: and as a woman, I had to come to terms
Speaker 1: with my breast or not my womanhood, did you start
Speaker 1: to feel like you weren't a woman. It affected my
Speaker 1: psyche with my sexuality for a while, and my husband
Speaker 1: probably didn't start fondling them again for a good year,
Speaker 1: mostly because he was worried he was going to hurt me.
Speaker 1: I mean it was I was blooded and bandage and
Speaker 1: bruised for a very long time, and I had the
Speaker 1: mistake to me with the first stage of reconstruction, and
Speaker 1: then three months later I had the second stage of
Speaker 1: reconstruction where they take out the sizers and then they
Speaker 1: put in the permanent implants, which meant I was, you know, bedridden,
Speaker 1: um for three weeks without getting both surgeries, without being
Speaker 1: able to get out except for to use the restroom
Speaker 1: and um, you know, and then for six weeks each
Speaker 1: surgery you had to really take it easy and not
Speaker 1: lift your arms up above your head or anything. So,
Speaker 1: you know, it took a lot of time, and he
Speaker 1: was so incredibly caring and everything you would hope a
Speaker 1: partner would be throughout the process. But it definitely messes
Speaker 1: with your your psyche regarding your sexuality and and I'm
Speaker 1: grateful for um that you know what we honestly we found.
Speaker 1: We found ways to be physical that were new, and
Speaker 1: in some ways it was sort of a gift because
Speaker 1: you have to explore things that maybe you didn't realize.
Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, let's explore lots of things that we
Speaker 1: can explore. It worked out, I guess. Uh so it was.
Speaker 1: It was definitely an eye opener um for sure. Wow.
Speaker 1: And so that's what encouraged you to write your book.
Speaker 1: Not the sexuality is not healthy? So you know, here
Speaker 1: I was, I thought it was so healthy, and I
Speaker 1: was blindsided by a breast cancer diagnosis. And uh, you know,
Speaker 1: even though I was blindsided, the diagnosis didn't devour me. Instead,
Speaker 1: it really ignited in me. This this compelled me to
Speaker 1: want to become the healthiest version of myself. And then
Speaker 1: once I started to gather the information, it was so
Speaker 1: eye opening. And then I want to be able to
Speaker 1: share it with others because your Healthiest Healthy is really
Speaker 1: the guide that I wish someone so much had given
Speaker 1: me when I had been diagnosed, or ideally before I've
Speaker 1: been diagnosed, because maybe I wouldn't have been diagnosed. So
Speaker 1: what's the what's the what's the key points and of
Speaker 1: your Healthiest Healthy for your book? So first, all changes
Speaker 1: in small steps, because it can be very overwhelming to
Speaker 1: make any changes in your daily life, whether it's with
Speaker 1: your diet or with your your friendships. Because there this
Speaker 1: is about very much of getting the toxins out of
Speaker 1: your life. And it's not just food, it's it's correct right.
Speaker 1: So it's it's um it's eight chapters, and it's eight
Speaker 1: easy ways to take control help prevent and fight cancer
Speaker 1: and of a longer, cleaner, happier life. And the steps
Speaker 1: that you make to ideally prevent cancer are the same
Speaker 1: changes in your life that also help to mitigate your
Speaker 1: your chances of heart disease and type to diabetes and
Speaker 1: obesity that leads to so many other autoimmune disorders. So
Speaker 1: what I found when I leaned into my journals and
Speaker 1: background was that researching and speaking to experts and reading
Speaker 1: everything I could get my hands on, it became so
Speaker 1: clear to me that it's what you put in on
Speaker 1: and around your body and around meaning not just the
Speaker 1: cleaning products, but the people. So this so the book
Speaker 1: is really that guide taking you through you know, how
Speaker 1: should we eat, How how do we should we approach exercise?
Speaker 1: How do we get the toxins out of our beauty? Bag.
Speaker 1: I mean, we're all, you know, lovely ladies here who
Speaker 1: slap it on every day with the makeup and the
Speaker 1: eyes and the thing. Right, Um, so how do we
Speaker 1: get the top at least minimize the amount of toxins
Speaker 1: that are in our lives? Um? My kids are you know?
Speaker 1: They still crawl around on the frigum Like you're a
Speaker 1: live and you don't need to be crawling on the floor.
Speaker 1: She's still crawling on the floor. So I want my
Speaker 1: floors to be clean with things that aren't going to
Speaker 1: endanger her or my you know, or my other daughter
Speaker 1: who's crazy. She's been more off boncing off the walls,
Speaker 1: so I guess I have to clean the walls to.
Speaker 1: How do you feel about dryer sheets? Uh, don't use
Speaker 1: them like like I used to. Those are one of
Speaker 1: those are one of the I know, and I do.
Speaker 1: I do miss three of them. So there are there
Speaker 1: are the good things. There are alternatives I know I
Speaker 1: did like there there are parts. There are things in
Speaker 1: my old life that I sometimes when I think, I
Speaker 1: haven't thought about dryer sheets in a while, but I
Speaker 1: do miss that fresh out of the dryer smell. I
Speaker 1: guess what gives it that smell fragrance, and what's in fragrance, Well,
Speaker 1: guess what. They don't have to tell us because it's protected.
Speaker 1: So all of the toxins that are going in to
Speaker 1: make that lovely smell, they don't have to The people
Speaker 1: manufacturers don't have to reveal that even if they put
Speaker 1: the ingredients list on fragrance like cologne, perfume, essential oils
Speaker 1: are a much safer way to go for your body.
Speaker 1: But isn't it isn't like this isn't something always is
Speaker 1: going to cause this always, and we can all throw
Speaker 1: up our hands and go, you know what, someone's gonna
Speaker 1: get me. And that's in that's the way that you
Speaker 1: choose to take control of your life. That's okay. I
Speaker 1: want to give people an opportunity to understand. Once you
Speaker 1: to understand what is out there, and it is eye
Speaker 1: opening and sometimes it's a little scary, because obviously that's
Speaker 1: the reason they say ignorance is bliss. But at least
Speaker 1: once you know, then you can say, okay, I can
Speaker 1: deal with parting with red meat, or I can make
Speaker 1: sure to minimize it and choose grass fed instead. Um
Speaker 1: I can their makeup. I have not still not found
Speaker 1: a great waterproof makeup that is toxin free. So I
Speaker 1: still use the drug store brands that I love, but
Speaker 1: I know that the rest of my entire makeup routine
Speaker 1: is clean. So so you find that balance and what
Speaker 1: works for you. But if you don't have the knowledge,
Speaker 1: then you can't make those changes. Doesn't that stress you
Speaker 1: out more? Though? Like I start to think about it,
Speaker 1: and like, I feel like we're talking about sexually, Julie.
Speaker 1: Remember our girlfriend we were talking about deodorant and I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't want to wear like I like
Speaker 1: secret because I saw a lot and then I stink
Speaker 1: and they're like, well get they like call me up.
Speaker 1: I'm like, but then that smell, then you stink. How
Speaker 1: do you feel about what was going to be? I
Speaker 1: use a La Vanilla now, which is a clean one
Speaker 1: because my whole thing is like okay, but what's more
Speaker 1: annoying breast cancer are stinking rights? Then needs say like everything.
Speaker 1: People are like, oh, everything causes like this or that
Speaker 1: or whatever, and it's like then it's like you're more
Speaker 1: stressful to try to cut everything out. To me, I
Speaker 1: feel like I feel like change comes from action, not thought.
Speaker 1: So even if we're thinking, okay, well, everything can cause cancer. Okay,
Speaker 1: so what am I going to do about that? Am
Speaker 1: I just going to be like, okay, well, I'm just
Speaker 1: not gonna do anything and cancer them come get me?
Speaker 1: Or am I going to take action to with as
Speaker 1: much as I can without overwhelming with myself, without overstressing myself,
Speaker 1: without putting myself in this glass castle where no one
Speaker 1: can touch me like there. I think there has to
Speaker 1: be a healthy balance and moderation of like what can
Speaker 1: I do? That's simple, just a little pivots, little especially
Speaker 1: something you're putting on your body, because it goes right
Speaker 1: right there, right and and that's actually with your healthiest healthy.
Speaker 1: That was one of the first things that I changed
Speaker 1: was my deodoran because um, I use one called Crystal Essence.
Speaker 1: There's also one called stink Stop. Um there, here's the deal.
Speaker 1: Your body. Your body needs to sweat. And I am
Speaker 1: a so I am a and I stink. Well, you
Speaker 1: don't have to stink, but you do. You do have
Speaker 1: to sweat because guess what your body needs you to
Speaker 1: sweat and by clogging up your like and I hate sweating,
Speaker 1: and I am like literally turning on it's like turning
Speaker 1: the thing like I will like, I will vomit like,
Speaker 1: so you don't just smell but do. But here here's why,
Speaker 1: because I think about it. If you're I mean, you
Speaker 1: don't really just isolate right now, the idea of deodorant.
Speaker 1: When you're stopping the sweating, you're hanging on to all
Speaker 1: the toxins that are in your body. Your body is
Speaker 1: not able to let it out. So why does it
Speaker 1: cause breast cancer? Well, it may or may not. That
Speaker 1: the various studies negated, other studies supported it could be,
Speaker 1: though not necessarily, that the chemical the aluminium which is
Speaker 1: what people which is what stops the sweat, and people
Speaker 1: for a long time thought, well it's the aluminum that
Speaker 1: is keeping people from sweating, and then and then that's
Speaker 1: what's getting into the ducks and causing the breast cancer.
Speaker 1: There there hasn't been proof about that. Actually I talked
Speaker 1: about in the book that that's what it is. But
Speaker 1: what I'm also starting to understand is it could be
Speaker 1: that it's stopping your body from sweating, which is a lot,
Speaker 1: you know, disallowing the the toxins from exiting your your
Speaker 1: body as I need something else that you know, that's it.
Speaker 1: First all, it's a really easy swap. You won't smell,
Speaker 1: you will sweat, um, but the other things even in
Speaker 1: your bag, and just apply it like I apply the
Speaker 1: videodorant that I use twice a day. Right, perfect, It's
Speaker 1: easy and I think it's vanilla. It's not not promoted
Speaker 1: by them or but they have you know, it's It's
Speaker 1: just clean and easy and well here's an easy one
Speaker 1: for you to make a switch. Totally easy. Um, since
Speaker 1: we're talking about breat we might as well talk about
Speaker 1: vaginas you happy about. This is good topics, alright. Um,
Speaker 1: so tampons, tampons add your your lady bits. The skin
Speaker 1: there is so thin that it's incredibly permeable. So if
Speaker 1: what you're putting in and you know near and up
Speaker 1: it are have toxins in them. We talked about low
Speaker 1: Lola on the show. Do you love the product? And
Speaker 1: I mean the tons of Rayal is a great brand
Speaker 1: natural care? Uh you? Seventh Generation even makes basically want
Speaker 1: to look for pure cotton, organic cotton and um and
Speaker 1: something I actually discovered two and this is better for
Speaker 1: the people who have already had kids. But the menstrual cups,
Speaker 1: I can't do that. I can't either that's what I thought,
Speaker 1: part time best friend, I'm afraid it's so. It's a
Speaker 1: silicone medical grade silicone cup um that you kind of
Speaker 1: bend and fold so it's small enough to kind of
Speaker 1: get all up in there um and then it collects
Speaker 1: your mensies. It's kind of discussing and I look like
Speaker 1: a Jackson poll spotter painting when I took it out
Speaker 1: the first time. Difference between I mean, like a pad.
Speaker 1: If someone wears a padre can't like it's not absorbed
Speaker 1: as well as the cup. Let's neat about the cup?
Speaker 1: Is that? And again I only use it when I'm
Speaker 1: going to be around the house or at night when
Speaker 1: there's going to be heavily heavy flow. And you're like,
Speaker 1: oh great, you know, no matter what I add for
Speaker 1: pads or whatever, I want to sleep in a tampon.
Speaker 1: That's not good. So it's it's helpful for just excess
Speaker 1: flow um. But also it's nice because it costs nothing
Speaker 1: off do you buy it, there's no upkeep sides, wash
Speaker 1: and reuse. Make sure you wash it really well and
Speaker 1: really hot water so be preferable, so be non toxic.
Speaker 1: Just all right, I got real, you know, we got
Speaker 1: really personal we don't really deep into like the part
Speaker 1: of your health. It's part of our bodies. I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's true. And then for eating organic too, I mean,
Speaker 1: I know I try to have organic stuff in the house,
Speaker 1: but I've also been told that some organic stuff is
Speaker 1: bad too for kids. Well, if you're talking about a
Speaker 1: packaged good that says or annic, now you you have
Speaker 1: to read the label. And I break down in the
Speaker 1: book all about how to read a label and what's important,
Speaker 1: because I think a lot of people look at an
Speaker 1: ingredients label for food and they look at the calories
Speaker 1: and the fat, maybe the sodium, the doctor said, they
Speaker 1: go to watch that, um, but there's so much more
Speaker 1: to understand, Like and I'm sure you know a lot
Speaker 1: of people in this room know this, but maybe some
Speaker 1: some people don't that you know, the ingredients when they're listed,
Speaker 1: are listed from the most used ingredient to the least
Speaker 1: maybe in trace amounts. Right, So sugar is something that
Speaker 1: you really want to weed out of your diet as
Speaker 1: much as possible, But the manufacturers are very tricky, so
Speaker 1: they'll use four or five different things that are sugar, meltodextrin,
Speaker 1: su c rows cane, syrup, regular sugar UM. And when
Speaker 1: people are only looking for the word sugar, sugar might
Speaker 1: be the seventeen thing on the list, but the other
Speaker 1: types of sugars will be the third, and then the seventh,
Speaker 1: and then the and so you you have to be
Speaker 1: a little bit more aware. You can be more aware
Speaker 1: once you have the knowledge. But the question about organics,
Speaker 1: where it's really important is with your produce. So when
Speaker 1: you're buying fruits and vegetables um, And obviously some people say, well,
Speaker 1: but the organic fruit vegetables are just so darn expensive.
Speaker 1: There's a great list of its cancer UM. But but
Speaker 1: there's a website called Environmental Working Group. Do you guys
Speaker 1: know about the site. It's a great site. It's e
Speaker 1: w G dot org. I have no affiliation with them
Speaker 1: other than they are like my go to when I
Speaker 1: want to find out about chemicals that are in different
Speaker 1: beauty products or cleaning products. But also they put out
Speaker 1: a list every year of the most heavily um pesticide
Speaker 1: used vegetables and fruits. And they call one list the
Speaker 1: dirty dozen and the other the clean fifteen. And so
Speaker 1: basically they have a list all the way from number
Speaker 1: one to maybe a hundred, but the bottom fifteen are
Speaker 1: the cleanest. So if you shop with that list and say, okay,
Speaker 1: the dirty doesn't apples, strawberries, grapes, the list goes on, okay,
Speaker 1: those are the things then you want to spend your
Speaker 1: money on for organic, and then go, okay, but you
Speaker 1: know what, the avocados and the asparagus, I can get that,
Speaker 1: but tomatoes, make sure I get them organic. So you
Speaker 1: have that knowledge of which ones need to be. So
Speaker 1: same with your pasta sauces and your ketchups. For your kids,
Speaker 1: I mean they catch up on everything and meat, mostly
Speaker 1: organic everything. I always do meet organic, I D and
Speaker 1: ten percent. And you know, thankfully for those who live
Speaker 1: in cities with a Costco or even a Target, both
Speaker 1: of those bigger Walmart are starting to carry more and
Speaker 1: more organic goods. So I have a smoothie every morning,
Speaker 1: and so does my husband, and actually know the kids
Speaker 1: are more. It's really exciting. But we buy these humongous
Speaker 1: bags of frozen organic strawberries and blueberries and whatever else,
Speaker 1: and we use them every day and it's fantastic, and
Speaker 1: so that's a much better price than it used to be.
Speaker 1: So where can our listeners find your book, Your Healthiest Healthy.
Speaker 1: They can order it starting now on Amazon, Barnes and
Speaker 1: Noble and really anywhere that books are sold. Amazing. So man,
Speaker 1: the Harris Your Healthiest Healthy. Um, I'm We're so glad
Speaker 1: that you are a cancer free and you're living your
Speaker 1: healthiest healthy. Thank you so much for coming in. Thank you. Know,
Speaker 1: we talked about about communicating through Instagram, and I'm just
Speaker 1: starting to use Instagram more and more and I put
Speaker 1: a lot of tips also on my site on my Instagram.
Speaker 1: What's your Instagram handle at? Samantha Harris is TV TV. Okay, awesome.
Speaker 1: I couldn't get the ray itself. She's she's so sweet,
Speaker 1: She's so vibrant and so full of life, which I
Speaker 1: absolutely love. But that's so scary to hear that she
Speaker 1: went that many times and still that's terrifying to like,
Speaker 1: how do you trust doctors? Like nothing against some, but
Speaker 1: it's like when you take your kids to the doctor.
Speaker 1: Now it's like, okay, you trust your doctor, Yeah, trust
Speaker 1: your gut. You have to trust your gut, yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean absolutely, But I mean even like when I went
Speaker 1: in this is not even close to the same example,
Speaker 1: but what when I went in from my hernia check.
Speaker 1: I went in and saw just the regular um it
Speaker 1: was like the nurse practitioner and she's like, oh, no,
Speaker 1: it's nothing, it's just the pressure from whatever. And then
Speaker 1: I go to the next doctors like, oh, that's a
Speaker 1: hernia and I'm like, well, why why where's the like
Speaker 1: why is not the same? Why didn't she say that?
Speaker 1: Because if not, I wouldn't have known and then had
Speaker 1: someone else But you knew something was off, Like you
Speaker 1: knew it, and you're a guy, like right, but I
Speaker 1: could have But anyone could just listen to someone else
Speaker 1: and be like, oh the doctor said, you know, I mean,
Speaker 1: they don't go again, because that's why most people because
Speaker 1: if you go again, then you're the crazy person for
Speaker 1: thinking that something's like your hyper hydra, you're a hYP
Speaker 1: you're paranoid. Yeah, the doctor said, nothing's wrong with you
Speaker 1: don't have a you don't have herney, you don't have
Speaker 1: a lump like you know, Like again, my girlfriend Rachel,
Speaker 1: she found a lump and she's the doctor said nothing
Speaker 1: but that it was just a what's that called a
Speaker 1: a lymph node? But again, like who knows? Do you
Speaker 1: trust that one or do you go again and ask again,
Speaker 1: I think there's something, especially when it comes to like
Speaker 1: lumps on you and stuff like that, I feel like
Speaker 1: the standards should just be you get at least two opinions.
Speaker 1: Even if you go to a doctor you trust, it's like,
Speaker 1: let me just go check with somebody else that don't
Speaker 1: even know. When you get good news, you're like, oh
Speaker 1: you yeah, I just write it off. I had a
Speaker 1: lump under, like in my armpit that I kept feeling
Speaker 1: for a couple of weeks, and I was just like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's weird, and I mentioned and I didn't think anything
Speaker 1: of it, and then I mentioned it to someone and
Speaker 1: they were like, oh my god, you have to go
Speaker 1: to the doctor. Immediately. I was like what, Oh my god.
Speaker 1: So I went and they were like, oh, it's nothing,
Speaker 1: you know, don't worry about it. You're you probably have
Speaker 1: something clogged. And it didn't go away. It didn't go away,
Speaker 1: and I was just like, I have to go back.
Speaker 1: And I went back and I ended up being nothing,
Speaker 1: but it could have been. It could have been something
Speaker 1: really serious. That's just so scary. It's like, yeah, how
Speaker 1: do you how do you trust the doctors? Okay, one
Speaker 1: of the things that my husband I love right now
Speaker 1: is beach Body on Demand. It's fantastic because we both
Speaker 1: get to get the greatest workouts. My husband does the
Speaker 1: P nine d X and then I love the Brazil
Speaker 1: Butt Lift, and you can do Payo hip Hop Abs,
Speaker 1: three week yoga retreat. There's so many things. So whatever
Speaker 1: you're looking for, whether it's from hip hop to yoga
Speaker 1: to Penn and X, you can basically pick out whatever
Speaker 1: workout exercise regiment that you want that works for you.
Speaker 1: So I think that is amazing. So the trainer that
Speaker 1: I know Mike uses law is Shanti. So what's great
Speaker 1: about beach Body on Demand two is it doesn't require
Speaker 1: any extra equipment and it's only twenty five minutes a day.
Speaker 1: So when you say you don't have time, I know
Speaker 1: you got twenty five minutes. My listeners can try beach
Speaker 1: Body on Demand right now, absolutely free. So what are
Speaker 1: you waiting for? Just join over one million people currently
Speaker 1: on beach Body on Demand right now. My listeners can
Speaker 1: get a special free trial membership when you text Jana
Speaker 1: to thirty thirty thirty, you will get full access to
Speaker 1: this entire platform for free. All the workouts, nutrition information
Speaker 1: and support totally free again just text jannat Okay, So
Speaker 1: we have kJ del Antonia on the phone. Hello, Hello, hey,
Speaker 1: how are you? You're in studio with a bunch of people.
Speaker 1: But um we got Gen producer Gen here and then
Speaker 1: my husband Michael. Hi, everybody, how are you? I'm great?
Speaker 1: Thank you? Um you? So you wrote a book called
Speaker 1: How to Be a Happier Parent? Yes, hadn't your mother
Speaker 1: of four? I am the mother of four? Were you?
Speaker 1: Just like, I'm so unhappy? So I just need to
Speaker 1: do something to make me like change your process? Well,
Speaker 1: I was at the time I tried to write this
Speaker 1: the parenting columns for the New York Times. So I
Speaker 1: was interviewing, I was editing, I was reporting on all
Speaker 1: things around family, UM and as well I was living
Speaker 1: at you know, I had the four young kids who
Speaker 1: had a full time job, so did my partner. And
Speaker 1: what we were experiencing, which was that we spent more
Speaker 1: time running around on behalf of our family than we
Speaker 1: did sort of treasuring them and having fun, you know,
Speaker 1: if enjoying it was also what I was seeing and
Speaker 1: what I was hearing from the people that I was editing,
Speaker 1: UM and interviewing, just what everybody was really struggling with
Speaker 1: sort of um, you know, under joy and overwhelmed. Well,
Speaker 1: I feel like it's hard to because I know I
Speaker 1: I talked to you know, my girlfriends. You know there
Speaker 1: it's like this kid has cheer camp, this kid has
Speaker 1: soccer this, and it's like you guys are almost like passing.
Speaker 1: So it's like, how, well, how do you be happier
Speaker 1: when you when you need to do the functions that
Speaker 1: you want to do for your kids. But yet it's
Speaker 1: I don't know, like where's what's what's the line for that? Well,
Speaker 1: I think we get really caught up in this idea
Speaker 1: that we need to do all the things. Well we
Speaker 1: do though, don't we Because I'm like we I want
Speaker 1: like I want Jolie to go to soccer and something.
Speaker 1: I want her to do ballet. I want, you know,
Speaker 1: the baby boy coming up to be able to do
Speaker 1: his you know, whether he plays hockey or golf or whatever.
Speaker 1: So it's like it's not like because what we just
Speaker 1: don't put them in activities, no activities at all? You know,
Speaker 1: there there is a balance and one of the things
Speaker 1: that's happening right now. If you look like if if
Speaker 1: you have a daughter and dance that you're looking at
Speaker 1: it and going dade I have for doing dance. I
Speaker 1: don't remember being it being like this overwhelming. I don't
Speaker 1: remember there being so much of it. And objectively, you're
Speaker 1: absolutely right. Activities and sports have really gamed up. Um
Speaker 1: things are they are more overwhelming than they used to be.
Speaker 1: The expectations are higher, the opportunities are are greater, and
Speaker 1: so it's easy to get caught up and feeling like
Speaker 1: that's the way that it has to be. Um, there's
Speaker 1: also just sort of more out there. So, you know,
Speaker 1: we want our kids to do it right because it's
Speaker 1: not super fun and I want to take cartooning class
Speaker 1: and dance lessons from play hockey and and do all
Speaker 1: the things. But the reality is that our kids, as
Speaker 1: well as we need some space to sort of grow
Speaker 1: and um think and be on our own and sort
Speaker 1: of have some downtime, and we we often really kind
Speaker 1: of fill that up in the name of all the
Speaker 1: fun things. So, kJ do you believe in limiting your
Speaker 1: children to an extent where maybe they don't allow them
Speaker 1: to do every single activity where maybe one year they
Speaker 1: have to supplement one that they want to do and
Speaker 1: give up another for a year to test it out.
Speaker 1: Is that something that you're kind of you know, suggesting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my kids kind of get a little self limited because
Speaker 1: there are four of them, um, and there's you know,
Speaker 1: there's only two of us. There's only so much that
Speaker 1: that they can do. And we really um as they
Speaker 1: get older, especially, we talked to them about it. If
Speaker 1: my kid comes home and says, you know, I really
Speaker 1: I want to play baseball and do soccer at this spring,
Speaker 1: I will say yeah. And you also, you know, like
Speaker 1: to have a day of a week when you can
Speaker 1: have a friend over after school or you can go
Speaker 1: to that trend. If you do both of those things,
Speaker 1: you're gonna lose time. Um. And we try to balance
Speaker 1: I mean do I do? I say no, absolutely, but
Speaker 1: I also try to work with them to strike a
Speaker 1: good balance. So do you think just time management then
Speaker 1: is one of the biggest things to be a happier
Speaker 1: parents parents? Yeah, and and time management, but also being
Speaker 1: aware that you don't need to manage all the time.
Speaker 1: Let's leave some of it empty. But I just I
Speaker 1: wanted to talking about being a happier parent. I woke
Speaker 1: up about eight times last night because my six year
Speaker 1: old sleeps in bed with me, and he was like
Speaker 1: suffocating me. He was a hundred degrees. It was like
Speaker 1: I was so high, and would you like him sleeping
Speaker 1: in bed? Well, to me, I feel like, again I'm
Speaker 1: not shaming like co sleeping, but that's something Michael and
Speaker 1: I could never do. Okay, so it does not work
Speaker 1: for us. After last night, I almost went and slept
Speaker 1: in his bed, and I was like, I have to do.
Speaker 1: Something has to change. What is your best advice to
Speaker 1: parents who co slept and now it's time, it's time
Speaker 1: to move them into their own room. Well, that is
Speaker 1: definitely going to be a gradual process, right, and maybe
Speaker 1: because he's probably so attached now to you and that
Speaker 1: you know that situation, Yeah, maybe you're right, but going
Speaker 1: to sleep in his you know, maybe you start the
Speaker 1: night off in his bead, m yourself out gradually. Maybe
Speaker 1: you've got you know, you're like, tonight it's gonna be
Speaker 1: your trial run. You're gonna get in the bed for
Speaker 1: half an hour and it's going you, um, you know,
Speaker 1: I think you're gonna have to maybe or with him
Speaker 1: and talk to him about what you're doing so that
Speaker 1: you know he's well excited. It's really that he doesn't
Speaker 1: feel like it's a law, you know, it's it's like
Speaker 1: a good thing for you both has to be more
Speaker 1: of an adventure. Yeah. Yeah, And and here I mean sleep.
Speaker 1: It's hugely important. You're probably not either of you getting
Speaker 1: your best sleep. And oh wait, I have another great
Speaker 1: idea for you. Um, get one of those slow up mattresses.
Speaker 1: This is just totally practical, like the inflatable twin side
Speaker 1: had one that actually like it had had at this
Speaker 1: and then it sunk down in the middle and then
Speaker 1: if we called it, we called it the nest, and
Speaker 1: we kept it under our bed and whenever a child
Speaker 1: needed to come in in the middle of the night,
Speaker 1: they could crawl into the nest. Oh, that's really always there.
Speaker 1: It was always out. I mean this is usually we
Speaker 1: still get it out when so you know, if you
Speaker 1: eat it, but then they're not in the bed with us, which,
Speaker 1: like you said, it's hot, and they kick and one
Speaker 1: of them's let sleeping with a windmill. So um yeah,
Speaker 1: but they're there and they know they're welcome. Right. That's
Speaker 1: a great Thank you so much. That's great advice. kJ.
Speaker 1: Going back to time management real quick. When you have,
Speaker 1: especially a family of four children and you and your husband.
Speaker 1: Do you guys feel obligated to be at every event
Speaker 1: for your kids or is that something where you know
Speaker 1: to kind of keep y'all's relationship healthy, where hey, mom
Speaker 1: and dad aren't going to be there for this thing
Speaker 1: because we're gonna have some time for ourselves. Is that
Speaker 1: something you consider. We can't be at everything because there's
Speaker 1: four of them and only two of us. But they're
Speaker 1: kind of aware of that, and they're aware that some
Speaker 1: of the time, you know, we're not going to be
Speaker 1: the one to drive them. They're going to have to
Speaker 1: get a card fall, they're going to have to get
Speaker 1: a different vide. It's just the way that it's going
Speaker 1: to work for sure. Now going on a more personal
Speaker 1: love for Jenna and I, what we're gonna we're we're
Speaker 1: about to deal with, you know, we have our two
Speaker 1: and a half year old and we have a son
Speaker 1: on the way who's doing the end in November. What
Speaker 1: kind of tips or or advice do you have for
Speaker 1: us for really, you know, welcoming helping our daughter welcome
Speaker 1: the new baby into the house, into her world that
Speaker 1: she's only known with just her mom and dad. Um. Well,
Speaker 1: the biggest tip is to let it be okay that
Speaker 1: she's not drilled. Um, doesn't have to be thrilled. This
Speaker 1: is you know, this is gonna happen. It's going to
Speaker 1: be a change. Sometimes she can be excited and delighted,
Speaker 1: and sometimes she can say, uh, you know, I don't
Speaker 1: want this. I don't want another baby. I hate that baby.
Speaker 1: That's baby ruins everything. UM, and I and that's okay.
Speaker 1: Like the fact that you are okay with her feeling
Speaker 1: that way, UM, it's gonna make it easier for her.
Speaker 1: She can have those feelings than they can pass, and
Speaker 1: then she can feel loving towards the baby again and
Speaker 1: it'll all be good. Why do you think siblings should fight?
Speaker 1: I saw that in your thing where he said it's
Speaker 1: it's actually a good day. It's more that I think
Speaker 1: that they will and um, and that it's good. But
Speaker 1: it's good to say, Um, I mean I I don't
Speaker 1: I don't like my memories of fighting with my brother.
Speaker 1: I don't know how that served us a good purpose
Speaker 1: because I look at my my cousin's relationship and even yeah,
Speaker 1: they maybe like fought a little bit, but they like
Speaker 1: they have a great relationship, not saying my relationship my brother.
Speaker 1: My brother and I have a great relationship now, but
Speaker 1: as a kid, like, I mean, he was so mean
Speaker 1: to me, so I'm like, I'm like, I don't and
Speaker 1: then on top of that, like what my parents had
Speaker 1: to deal with because of us fighting. Well, I don't
Speaker 1: think it's a joint, that is for sure. It's more
Speaker 1: that if your kids are are doing this and experiencing it,
Speaker 1: to be aware that they are, but they're getting something
Speaker 1: out of it. So you know, you're sort of learning
Speaker 1: that not every relationship is going to be great since
Speaker 1: they're stoffling, but um, you can and one of the
Speaker 1: things that I think you learned sort of that you
Speaker 1: can fight and then you can be okay afterwards that
Speaker 1: you know, it's a good lesson. kJ. Where can our
Speaker 1: listeners find you? kJ Della tonio dot com. The book
Speaker 1: gets how to Be a Happier Karen and you could
Speaker 1: pretty much buy that anywhere. Amazing. Well, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for coming on. We really appreciate it. Thanks, thank you. Okay,
Speaker 1: So I got turned onto sugar bear hair from my
Speaker 1: girlfriend Sarah, who's been on the podcast. She loves sugar
Speaker 1: bear hair because not only is it just incredibly good
Speaker 1: for you to take. Your hair looks awesome. And I
Speaker 1: remember I always ask her, I said, does it really work?
Speaker 1: And she says, yes, it works so amazing. Well, I'm
Speaker 1: telling you my hair has never looked better. So each
Speaker 1: little gummy is as much vitamin A as four cups
Speaker 1: of broccoli, as much vitamin C as one cup of cranberries,
Speaker 1: and as much vitamin B twelve as four organic eggs.
Speaker 1: The nuts and sugar Bear hair fans also found their
Speaker 1: nails and skin quality improve over time, So I love that.
Speaker 1: Go to sugar Bear Hair dot com slash Janna for
Speaker 1: beautiful hair and healthier you. That's sugar Bear Hair dot
Speaker 1: com slash Janna, sugar Bear Hair dot com slash Janna.
Speaker 1: Um a story. I need this story. So we kind
Speaker 1: of touched on a little bit. Um for those of
Speaker 1: you listening, I got like ten more minutes. I'm out
Speaker 1: of here. I've heard this story. But where are you
Speaker 1: going to work? Oh god, I'm still doing that. So Julie,
Speaker 1: let me just catch Easton and Mark and Jenna. Michael
Speaker 1: obviously knows a story. Her her husband is my ex husband. Yes,
Speaker 1: so wait a second, So I I was married to
Speaker 1: her husband. Check. Yes, this story so and this is
Speaker 1: his beautiful wife. Hello. And she's also my best friend
Speaker 1: and we have like family parties and get togethers, and
Speaker 1: you know, my our closest friends here in Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: That's incredible, incredible. I mean we're their son. Camden is
Speaker 1: Jolie's best friend Tendon. They go to the same school.
Speaker 1: They're technically siblings because that's the only way that Jolie
Speaker 1: was able to get into the school. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: that's so funny. Talk about name changes, right, um, but no,
Speaker 1: So I met Julie. Well, I knew of Julie because
Speaker 1: she stalked me on I did stock. I mean, who
Speaker 1: people always stalk ex girlfriends. It's just gonna happen. I
Speaker 1: meant girlfriends, I mean or girlfriends, but also girlfriends. Is
Speaker 1: there another layer to this story? I've stopped like all
Speaker 1: my boyfriends X's girlfriends or whatever. It's just it's just
Speaker 1: what you do, you know. I feel like it's just
Speaker 1: the rite of passage for a girl to be able
Speaker 1: to stalk, you know, the other people and be like
Speaker 1: but then you're like, oh, they're prettier whatever. But anyways,
Speaker 1: so I knew that Jonathan had moved on and that
Speaker 1: he was dating this girl named Julie. But this is
Speaker 1: a this is an interesting story. I was dating someone
Speaker 1: in the country world. I'm not going to say his name.
Speaker 1: We'll just call him um cowboy and old old Yeller,
Speaker 1: so a compliment. I'm living in East Nashville, and at midnight,
Speaker 1: Jonathan and Julie show up at my house in East Nashville, which,
Speaker 1: mind you, is like not like the safest place. It's
Speaker 1: kind of like it's safe, but it's like also kind
Speaker 1: of sketchy to East Nashville. So they show up at
Speaker 1: my house and Old Yeller comes up and he's like,
Speaker 1: your ex husband's at the door. And I'm like it
Speaker 1: sounds like a country western and I was like what
Speaker 1: I look at the time, Like it's midnight. You want
Speaker 1: to talk to you? And I was like tell him
Speaker 1: to leave, Like this is midnight. So Julie and Jonathan
Speaker 1: show up at my house, would you like to Yeah,
Speaker 1: well it was it was late, so I will say
Speaker 1: that I don't think we really paid attention to the time.
Speaker 1: I don't think it was midnight, but it was. It
Speaker 1: was like but um, I think we just like we
Speaker 1: didn't know that he was going to be there obviously. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it wasn't supposed to be this like dramatic, crazy thing.
Speaker 1: I think that I had written an email to Jonathan,
Speaker 1: so here's my thing with ex boyfriends x whatever. I
Speaker 1: wrote an email saying something had happened to someone in
Speaker 1: his life, and I expressed my dearest sympathy because I
Speaker 1: don't like negative energy out there. How John and I
Speaker 1: ended wasn't good. We're obviously amazing. Now he's you know,
Speaker 1: he's incredible. He's for you know, as an act and coach.
Speaker 1: We we were on sides together. He's part of the family. Basically,
Speaker 1: we do dinners, like we said, but um, at the time,
Speaker 1: we didn't have a good like ending, and I just
Speaker 1: don't like that energy out there. So I had emailed
Speaker 1: and being like, hey, I heard something happen and I'm
Speaker 1: really sorry. I hope you're well. So that was just
Speaker 1: my nice Oliver. Yeah, and I think he is trying
Speaker 1: to retrieve that all the branch. But the energy with
Speaker 1: the person that get us at the door, Yeller like
Speaker 1: pulled a gun on them. Yeah, it was it kind
Speaker 1: of the dynamic got shifted pretty quickly and dramatically because
Speaker 1: we I mean it was not our intention to be
Speaker 1: there in a negative light or to be there in
Speaker 1: a hostile light at all, but we were met with
Speaker 1: this really intense energy. I mean yeah again, but it's
Speaker 1: like it's midnight. Who shows up that late? So it
Speaker 1: was like when Jonathan was like, hey, I want to
Speaker 1: go over here, and yeah, I think yeah, I think
Speaker 1: it was both of ours like but we Yeah, it
Speaker 1: wasn't like a drunken thing that we meant to co late.
Speaker 1: It was later than we probably should have. I think
Speaker 1: that we didn't realize how late it was. We weren't
Speaker 1: paying attention to that. So yeah, so old Yeller like
Speaker 1: pulls a gun. They had a hard time understanding. He's like,
Speaker 1: what do you say? It's like property, and it was
Speaker 1: like what he said was if we don't get off
Speaker 1: this property. Yeah. I could understand what he was saying
Speaker 1: because I grew up into to See and so my
Speaker 1: family there, you know, I have a have a family
Speaker 1: that that are, you know, very rural and you know,
Speaker 1: speak with that southern draw And so he was talking
Speaker 1: and Jonathan I could just start to see like his
Speaker 1: brow furrow and he was just kind of like I
Speaker 1: could tell he was I was like, he has no
Speaker 1: idea what he's saying. And so then John goes, what
Speaker 1: did you just say? I was like, he said that
Speaker 1: if we don't leave right now, we're going to have
Speaker 1: a problem. So we did. We ended up leaving, and
Speaker 1: then I don't even remember so leaving, and then we
Speaker 1: met again at the j DeMarcus from Rascale Flats does
Speaker 1: this wine, um charity from Make a Wish, Make a Wish,
Speaker 1: and she was there we officially met. She was very
Speaker 1: sweet um and I just she was she was really
Speaker 1: really nice. And then it wasn't until I did Dancing
Speaker 1: with the Stars two years ago when um, and that's
Speaker 1: when Jonathan had reached out and was just like, you know,
Speaker 1: if you need anything, you know, Julie, and I said,
Speaker 1: I kind of, you know, I could really use the help,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know how long we're going to
Speaker 1: be or for Dancing with the Stars. Do you guys
Speaker 1: have like a crib or a pack and play? I
Speaker 1: could borrow because Jolie was only six months and Julie
Speaker 1: was so sweet. I mean she was just like, yeah,
Speaker 1: this is Camden's old crib, here's this, here's that, and
Speaker 1: she just became a best friend two years later, now
Speaker 1: we're like busties. It's it's just it's it's worked out
Speaker 1: like so beautifully. But I always loved telling the story
Speaker 1: of people because I mean, I was only married to
Speaker 1: Jonathan for like a week, so it wasn't for for us.
Speaker 1: Anyone who's going to be friends with like a new
Speaker 1: spouse or a new girlfriend and boyfriend, like everyone automatically
Speaker 1: thinks that that should be weird because you should just
Speaker 1: automatically hate each other. But the way that I look
Speaker 1: at it, I have like that has nothing to do
Speaker 1: with me. I didn't even know Jonathan existed or Janet
Speaker 1: existed like I have. I'm not part of that relationship
Speaker 1: that was a decade ago, and I know me and
Speaker 1: Mike are so glad that they didn't work out because
Speaker 1: now we have, you know, we have amazing, beautiful children
Speaker 1: that we all equally love and supporting. Um. I think
Speaker 1: it all just kind of works and it's funny. We
Speaker 1: were actually last night with m jan and I have
Speaker 1: a mutual friend named Sarah Boyd. Sarah Boyd's best friend
Speaker 1: is Cat Sadler from E News. Sarah Boyd's husband is
Speaker 1: also Cat Sadler's ex husband Kyle Boyd. And so Sarah
Speaker 1: and Kat are really really close, and so we were
Speaker 1: talking to Sarah, how you know we have kind of
Speaker 1: that that similar connection that Sarah and Cat are are
Speaker 1: really close, and Jane and I are really close. And
Speaker 1: so I think that it's just a matter of really,
Speaker 1: you know, being an adult and realizing the awkwardness is
Speaker 1: out now. Like I feel like two years ago, when
Speaker 1: you know, my mom came for dancing, she's like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is weird. I'm like, if it's not weird like
Speaker 1: now we're yeah, yeah, if it's weird for other people,
Speaker 1: then that's their own. It would be weird if if
Speaker 1: the timelines cross each other, right, you know, I mean,
Speaker 1: then I can understand where there's trust issues or it's
Speaker 1: the reason why I left John. I can understand. But
Speaker 1: like Julie said, she didn't even I mean, y years
Speaker 1: had gone by, so many years you guys married, what
Speaker 1: five years? We've been married for five years? Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: and you don't even you don't even like you were withdrawn.
Speaker 1: Like that's just so like I remember being a kid
Speaker 1: and watching that thing you do in loving that movie,
Speaker 1: and now you know that's John. I'm like I knew
Speaker 1: you when I was like ten, I knew you. Like
Speaker 1: you don't see us together, you know what I mean? Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: not at all. It's Julian John, It's me and he's amazing.
Speaker 1: I wish he was here so sweet. Yeah, but can
Speaker 1: we can you please talk tell us about what you
Speaker 1: do because you have really taken the influencing market and
Speaker 1: just blown it up. Um. Yeah, So my background is
Speaker 1: in PR. I worked um in New York and Nashville. Um,
Speaker 1: you have an influencer podcast. I do have the influencer
Speaker 1: podcast now. UM worked in PR and then kind of
Speaker 1: trance you know, evolved as this influencer space has evolved,
Speaker 1: and as marketing digital marketing specifically as evolved. So I
Speaker 1: started the Influence for podcast about two years ago, and
Speaker 1: you know, we have listeners in over a hundred and
Speaker 1: sixty five countries. It's been downloaded millions of times. It's
Speaker 1: just really took off when that influencer space took off.
Speaker 1: We really UM with that podcast. It's it's more of
Speaker 1: a tactical education based podcast. We really teach bloggers or
Speaker 1: influencers are aspiring bloggers and influencers how they can uplevel
Speaker 1: their online influencer Right now, you have a webinar I do.
Speaker 1: So I have a new program coming out called the
Speaker 1: Influencer Academy. We're gonna have some free videos and webinars
Speaker 1: with that. So anyone who's interested in either starting an
Speaker 1: online influence or wanting to grow that, they can go
Speaker 1: to the Influencer Academy dot org and get that information.
Speaker 1: What is the best thing like that you've like, well,
Speaker 1: what's the best advice that you can tell someone like
Speaker 1: if you're wanting to start. I mean I would say
Speaker 1: I think a lot of times, especially in the influencer space,
Speaker 1: and you know, we'll just use Instagram as an example
Speaker 1: that people just think that it's it's something that just
Speaker 1: kind of happens to people, right like, um, they become
Speaker 1: instantly insto famous because they you know, they're neked and
Speaker 1: a photo or they go on The Bachelor, or you know,
Speaker 1: they're sitting front row at fashion they're doing hashtag ads
Speaker 1: and now they're doing hashtag ads and you know, yes,
Speaker 1: do those things happen, sure, But that is like a
Speaker 1: point five percent out of the entire influencer. I mean
Speaker 1: there's there's like eight billion people in the world. Three
Speaker 1: million of them or bloggers and influencers, so you know,
Speaker 1: not three million people have gone on The Bachelor and
Speaker 1: not three million people sit front row at Fashion Week.
Speaker 1: So I think that it's really about thinking of it
Speaker 1: and seeing it as a business and also realizing that
Speaker 1: a business does not happen overnight. It takes time, It
Speaker 1: takes strategy, it takes coaching, it takes mentoring, it takes
Speaker 1: really wanting to do it and having like that resilience
Speaker 1: and that endurance to want to to grow anything, whether
Speaker 1: you want to be a doctor or an influencer, like
Speaker 1: you're you're going to have to do the work. So
Speaker 1: I think that's the biggest misconception that a lot of
Speaker 1: people get. They see, you know, a lot that that
Speaker 1: word influencer has a lot of negative connotation to it
Speaker 1: because they're like, Oh, these girls just woke up like
Speaker 1: that and they're putting hashtag ad on a post and
Speaker 1: making all of this money. And they're like, yeah, but
Speaker 1: that is how they grow their business. But there's a
Speaker 1: lot that happens behind the scenes that you're not seeing.
Speaker 1: So it's kind of like someone who goes to a
Speaker 1: Broadway play and they're like, oh, I could do this
Speaker 1: because I've seen a couple of them. It's like, no,
Speaker 1: I mean there's a lot that happens behind the scenes
Speaker 1: to actually make the show go on and say your
Speaker 1: handle again. It's at Jewels j U L S. Solomon
Speaker 1: s O L O M O N and to get
Speaker 1: the webinar the Influencer Academy dot org. Thanks for being here, Jewels,
Speaker 1: thanks for having mark. Do you have an email for us?
Speaker 1: I do. It's from she just called herself. See I
Speaker 1: was twenty, she says, by the way, in response to
Speaker 1: last week's episode, I was twenty three when I lost
Speaker 1: my virginity, not because I didn't want to lose it
Speaker 1: before then, I didn't care. I'm twenty eight now my
Speaker 1: number is three. No regrets. This leads me to my question.
Speaker 1: I don't really date, not that I wouldn't. I just
Speaker 1: haven't found the one. But I want kids so bad
Speaker 1: since I can remember, I've wanted them. But it's twenty five.
Speaker 1: I really started thinking about doing artificial insemination at thirty.
Speaker 1: Is that too young? And from a guy's perspective, would
Speaker 1: that freak you out of a future girlfriend? Did this?
Speaker 1: By the way, I'm not cutting off all men. I
Speaker 1: just know they're not showing up and I want babies.
Speaker 1: Well are you showing up because you said that you're
Speaker 1: not dating. Well, he is not going to knock on
Speaker 1: the door while you're sitting on the couch on the
Speaker 1: perfect man's not gonna, you know, down from the sky.
Speaker 1: I mean, this day and age is really hard to find.
Speaker 1: I mean, well, there's social media. There's a lot to
Speaker 1: unpack here in this email. There is, and listen, motherhood
Speaker 1: is not easy, and if you're going to do it
Speaker 1: on your own, having hats off to you, like if
Speaker 1: you want to go all in. I have one of
Speaker 1: my son's friends, his mother. This is you know, the
Speaker 1: road she took and I respect her for it, but
Speaker 1: it is exhausting to not have any help. And I
Speaker 1: see it in her face every single day. I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm sure I can't even imagine single moms. And you
Speaker 1: know what I can't. I can't imagine that. Having said that,
Speaker 1: I had made a pack to myself. If I was
Speaker 1: thirty five and did not have a uh what's that?
Speaker 1: What's that word? Perspective? Prospect? I was If I was
Speaker 1: thirty five and did not have a prospect, I would
Speaker 1: have done a donor right. So what my advice to
Speaker 1: see would be like, wait, put your really, truly, truly
Speaker 1: put yourself out there, and then what's going on though,
Speaker 1: because I feel like there's just deeper stuff here, but
Speaker 1: I don't. But I disagree that this external validation of
Speaker 1: needing to feel loved. So it's like, I'm just going
Speaker 1: to go have a kid because I disagree with you
Speaker 1: because when I was thirty, I was like, I want
Speaker 1: and that's you know, when I said my fault was
Speaker 1: I moved too fast in my relationship with Mike because
Speaker 1: I wanted a kid. I wanted to have a baby.
Speaker 1: I want and it wasn't because I needed to feel
Speaker 1: love or this or my Yes, I've gotten my purpose
Speaker 1: from being a mother and from those things. At the
Speaker 1: same time, I just want to be a mom because
Speaker 1: that is what I feel like my true passion in
Speaker 1: life is supposed to be. And I get that, but
Speaker 1: rushing it at twenty five, you haven't even she isn't
Speaker 1: she now? Yeah, I say, freeze your eggs, give it
Speaker 1: fun and and and put yourself out there. Go date people.
Speaker 1: You're the whole thing. She was like, you know, I
Speaker 1: just don't want to date because I haven't found the
Speaker 1: one where you're not going to find the one unless
Speaker 1: she had made some people make it your job. That's
Speaker 1: what my sister did. Mark perspective, like if if she
Speaker 1: had a kid. I feel like in this day and
Speaker 1: age though too, if you're thirty and a lot of
Speaker 1: people have kids, well look at a single mom. As
Speaker 1: a single mom, you're going to take certain guys out
Speaker 1: of the pool just because certain guys aren't going to
Speaker 1: be interested in that. But I don't think it makes
Speaker 1: any difference if you're a single mom from a previous
Speaker 1: relationship or because of artificial inssemination. I don't think it
Speaker 1: makes much difference to the guy. Yeah, I agree, so huge.
Speaker 1: Thank you to a t T. Visit at dot com
Speaker 1: slash smart to learn more about how a T T
Speaker 1: can design install a secure smart home just for you.
Speaker 1: That bit Fun used promo code Janna to get ten
Speaker 1: dollars off your first box that's over two for only thirty.
Speaker 1: Go to fab fit fun dot com and use my
Speaker 1: code Janna to get ten dollars off your first fat
Speaker 1: fit fum box beach Body on Demand. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much all of my listeners. You will get a full
Speaker 1: access to this entire platform for free, all the workouts
Speaker 1: and nutrition information and support. Just text Janna to thirty
Speaker 1: and thanks to sugar Bear Hair for making my hair amazing.
Speaker 1: Go to sugar bear hair dot com slash Janna for
Speaker 1: beautiful hair and healthy are you that's sugar bear hair
Speaker 1: dot com slash Janna, sugar bear hair dot com slash
Speaker 1: Janna Well show, thanks, good luck on that. I support you,
Speaker 1: these little naysayers over here, you know, I support her
Speaker 1: her decision and wanting to explore her option. But date
Speaker 1: freeze your eggs, go out and date all right? Well,
Speaker 1: I love you guys. I'm excited to wind down next week.
Speaker 1: Can't wait. By