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Speaker 1: Hey, guys, I'm Kaylie Shure and this is too much

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Speaker 1: to say A questions it out you. Okay, yet another

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Speaker 1: episode where I don't deliver the episode I've been promising

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Speaker 1: me for two weeks, but by this point, you guys

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Speaker 1: now know that it's because I'm releasing my song Amy.

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Speaker 1: It's produced by Butch freaking Walker my I mean, idle hero.

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to like not sound like such a grammer,

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Speaker 1: but I am. I mean, he's in my top three

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Speaker 1: favorite artists of all time and got to produce it

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Speaker 1: with him. We had to push the earlease date and

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Speaker 1: it's just been it's been chaotic. You know. I actually

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Speaker 1: wrote the song less than a month ago, which is

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Speaker 1: already crazy enough to begin with, but it's moved very fast.

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Speaker 1: I'm really excited. It comes out this Friday and it's

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Speaker 1: gonna be amazing. Thank you guys for being patient with

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Speaker 1: me on that episode that kind of tack the song.

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Speaker 1: So I decided to do this week's episode on an

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Speaker 1: idea I kind of had for a while and something

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Speaker 1: I think about very often. But I always knew I

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Speaker 1: was going to do a podcast episode on this, and

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Speaker 1: then I, um uh, then I drunk text in my

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Speaker 1: ex and I know I have a boyfriend. I have

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Speaker 1: a boyfriend. He was there. This is kind of complicated.

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Speaker 1: This is where it gets a little weird, okay, because

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Speaker 1: we were having a conversation about what makes someone an X,

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Speaker 1: what defines that because I was saying a story like

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Speaker 1: just some some random thing and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: and you know my ex did this. And he was like,

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Speaker 1: would he call you his ex girlfriend? And I was like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. And we like kind of have this

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Speaker 1: back and forth joke about that all the time. But

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Speaker 1: he was like, I wonder what they'd say. And I

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Speaker 1: was like, I wonder what they'd say, and he was like,

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Speaker 1: you could You could text him. It's like I could

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Speaker 1: totally text them. So that's what my boyfriend and I

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Speaker 1: did the week of our um anniversary, and um, yeah,

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Speaker 1: the results were what I expected them to be. But

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Speaker 1: it honestly was kind of validating because I think that

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Speaker 1: that's what sucks about having a really long thing with

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Speaker 1: somebody where you're on and off for you have really

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Speaker 1: serious feelings for them, but if you can't call them

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Speaker 1: an XT, you sound kind of crazy, like being like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: this guy I was talking to like now I'm like

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Speaker 1: crying all the time and I don't want to go

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Speaker 1: out because like we just ended it. People are like, okay,

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Speaker 1: because it just sounds like really really small, really immature,

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Speaker 1: and like why are you freaking out over a guy

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Speaker 1: that you just like we're talking to. But when you

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Speaker 1: really think about it, all that that situation is is

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Speaker 1: missing is a conversation. Breaking up with somebody that you

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Speaker 1: didn't date still looks exactly the same as a breakup

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Speaker 1: minus that one thing that would have happened at the beginning.

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Speaker 1: So you know, you spend the long period of time

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Speaker 1: with them, there's a lot of energy involved in trying

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Speaker 1: to make it work, and then there's a lot of

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Speaker 1: energy involved in getting over it. Your heart breaks either way.

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Speaker 1: Your heart doesn't care if there was a label on it.

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Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? It actually kind of makes it

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Speaker 1: worse sometimes, and they still behaved like they were someone

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Speaker 1: you were dating, So it's confusing and it can really

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Speaker 1: kind of like I don't want to use this term loosely,

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Speaker 1: but it kind of like gaslights you, Like, no human

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Speaker 1: is gaslighting you in this situation, at least I hope not,

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Speaker 1: But like the concept itself kind of gaslights you where

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Speaker 1: you're like, oh my god, did we ever actually date?

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Speaker 1: Am I actually being totally crazy for feeling all these

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Speaker 1: feelings because now this person isn't in my life anymore.

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Speaker 1: But again, the only thing that that takes a breakup

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Speaker 1: from someone you weren't dating and a breakup from someone

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Speaker 1: you were dating to a different level is the conversation

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Speaker 1: and and just saying out loud and honestly. My roommate

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Speaker 1: Emma and I were talking last week about you labels

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Speaker 1: and stuff like that, and she was like, oh my,

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Speaker 1: oh my god. I just realized that me and my

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Speaker 1: boyfriend have never had like the talk. And I was like,

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Speaker 1: have you guys been together for almost a year yet

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Speaker 1: She's like, yeah, I've never asked him like if I

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Speaker 1: was his girlfriend. We just kind of started just doing it,

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Speaker 1: and it was I was laughing so hard, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, I fucking dare you to text him and

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Speaker 1: be like, hey, so like, we've never really talked about it,

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Speaker 1: and I just like, I really like you, and I

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Speaker 1: feel like we're kind of like having fun, like what

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Speaker 1: are we like? It's it's hilarious. So they didn't even

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Speaker 1: get to the point where they had that conversation and

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Speaker 1: sometimes guys like don't think about it as hard as

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Speaker 1: we do. And I know a lot of friends of

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Speaker 1: mine who talked to a guy and had that what

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Speaker 1: are we talking? They're like, oh, you're you're my girlfriend?

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Speaker 1: I thought you knew that. They just think you you

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Speaker 1: would assume. But then at the same time, I hope

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Speaker 1: that didn't get really loud. Um, but I'm very passionate

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Speaker 1: about this. At the same time, if you call them

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Speaker 1: your ex and they weren't like, they go crazy and

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Speaker 1: are liked, And I like think that some really shitty

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Speaker 1: guys use that as a way to nullify your emotions.

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Speaker 1: So if you are acting a little bit quote unquote crazy,

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Speaker 1: which I hate that like using that word in this context,

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Speaker 1: but it just means you had emotions. But if you're

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Speaker 1: quote unquote acting crazy after the breakup, they can be like,

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Speaker 1: we didn't even do it, and they're not wrong. But

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Speaker 1: some of these breakups quote unquote whatever. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: The reason that I count these two guys that I

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Speaker 1: texted as my ex is is several just different reasons.

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Speaker 1: But I think the biggest part is that I actually

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Speaker 1: have broken up with them, like we've had legitimate conversations

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Speaker 1: where we've been like, this isn't working, we can't do

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Speaker 1: this anymore. Um, you know, he's like I want to

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Speaker 1: be with you, but I'm just really not in that place,

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Speaker 1: and I, you know whatever, legitimate, legitimate breaking up conversation.

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Speaker 1: So it's like okay, and it's still hurt like a breakup.

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Speaker 1: Like okay. So I'm gonna tell you two different stories.

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Speaker 1: These were the great fun Boys of twenty nineteen. One

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Speaker 1: was the l A funck Boy and the other one

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Speaker 1: was the Nashville fun Boy. And then one time there

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Speaker 1: was this terrible crossover episode where they were both in

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Speaker 1: l A at the same time and they were both

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Speaker 1: texting me at the same time, and it felt like

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Speaker 1: that so sweet life of Hannah Montana, except it was like,

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Speaker 1: that's so fun boy of them. It's stupid. Anyways, So

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Speaker 1: Nashville started summer and ended winter with plenty, plenty plenty

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Speaker 1: of you know offs in between. I mean there was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, months that we wouldn't talk because we'd be fighting,

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Speaker 1: and I it was just exhausting. And there was really

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Speaker 1: only one part that we were like together and spending

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Speaker 1: a lot of time together, and you know, he's staying

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Speaker 1: over and we're doing like you know, going to breakfast

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Speaker 1: and stuff like. There was only a pretty brief period

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Speaker 1: of that because I was on the road when this happened. Um,

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Speaker 1: but like I cut it off, and then that time

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Speaker 1: he cut it off. But it was like like I

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Speaker 1: ghosted in the first time, but then this time, you

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Speaker 1: know that the one there's just this conversation. He called

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Speaker 1: me as on the road and he was like hey,

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Speaker 1: and it took like, you know, an hour to like

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Speaker 1: come to this conclusion and you know, call it off.

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Speaker 1: And so I was like, did we just break up?

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Speaker 1: And it was so weird, um, but it was it

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Speaker 1: was such a breakup conversation. I mean again, all that

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Speaker 1: was missing was a little label that you stick on something.

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Speaker 1: So there's no denying that we broke up. It lasted

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Speaker 1: for almost two years, a year and a half, right,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm bad at math to It was

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Speaker 1: a long time. And he would tell me things like, uh,

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Speaker 1: you're the only person who like understands me, and I

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Speaker 1: miss you and I just feel bad that I did that.

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Speaker 1: But he do it through a phone and it would

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Speaker 1: so rarely be in person. But then when we were

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Speaker 1: talking like he'd kissed me in coffee shops. And I'm

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Speaker 1: not a big p d A person, so to me

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Speaker 1: that said a lot, and I think to him it

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Speaker 1: did not mean the same thing. So that's just different

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Speaker 1: different languages. I think the biggest red flag and and

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Speaker 1: moment that I knew that we were not dating was

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Speaker 1: he really didn't want it to be public. And I

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Speaker 1: understand wanting to be like tactful about it because we're

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Speaker 1: both in the same industry, we had a bunch of

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Speaker 1: mutual friends. It's kind of, you know, just trying to

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Speaker 1: be careful. But at a certain point I was like,

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Speaker 1: you're not trying to be careful. You don't want people

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Speaker 1: to know that you're talking to me, and that's weird

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Speaker 1: and it makes you feel like kind of embarrassed. You're like,

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Speaker 1: are you embarrassed with me? Because that's very embarrassing, And

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Speaker 1: now I'm embarrassed with myself also. And when he was off,

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Speaker 1: he was not talking to me or he was like

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Speaker 1: ignoring me and just you know whatever, very clearly being

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Speaker 1: a fun boy. But when he was on he would

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Speaker 1: just say like the nicest things and like just be

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Speaker 1: going on and on about it. The songs he'd written

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Speaker 1: about me were so like, very intense. Um so, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I took it to heart, you know. And then it's

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Speaker 1: just so, this is how the conversation went with him.

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Speaker 1: When I asked him if I was his ex girlfriend, okay,

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Speaker 1: I said, okay, okay. I've also left out the part

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Speaker 1: to them that this was a drunken game me and

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Speaker 1: my boyfriend were playing because it just didn't feel like

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Speaker 1: it needed to go there. Um So I said, okay,

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Speaker 1: so drunk conversation with my friends. Okay, argument, am I

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Speaker 1: your ex girlfriend? And he goes, I don't think, so

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Speaker 1: is this like a card game or just to talk? Maybe?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Deaf had those feelings, but weren't like

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Speaker 1: around each other as much as we talked. Hope that helps.

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Speaker 1: And then Sam's like, Kaylee, that's unclear and I was like, okay, fine,

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Speaker 1: and then I said X yes or no and he

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Speaker 1: said no but like a little bit, which is just

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Speaker 1: completely just such a great example of the communication style

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Speaker 1: and the signals in this situation ship a of the

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Speaker 1: word situation ship. So the other one was in l

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Speaker 1: A and that was summer through winter, and a lot

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Speaker 1: of that time was you know, on and off as well,

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Speaker 1: Like and also it was like when I go out

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Speaker 1: to l A, we talked and I hang out and

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Speaker 1: gonna go back to Nashville, like eventually would kind of

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Speaker 1: end up not you know, talking, but there are periods

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Speaker 1: where we talk on the phone for like two hours

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Speaker 1: every night and like be constantly texting and like really

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Speaker 1: in know about each other's lives, an emotional state and whatnot.

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Speaker 1: One time he got a little drunk and he told

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Speaker 1: me he loved me. That was hilarious. Tried to play

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Speaker 1: it off like he was kidding. Definitely don't think he was.

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Speaker 1: Um so so that made me think that we were,

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Speaker 1: you know, kind of maybe maybe dating. And also another

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Speaker 1: thing that I'd like to point out was like even

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Speaker 1: though I thought like maybe we were dating, like I

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Speaker 1: wasn't being delusional and meaning like, oh my god, I'm

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Speaker 1: dating this guy, but it felt like it felt like it.

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Speaker 1: And there were points with him too that I was

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Speaker 1: like talking to other guys too because he was so

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Speaker 1: far away and like we never had the conversation. But

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Speaker 1: I wasn't treating this like I was in a relationship.

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Speaker 1: I just want to clear that up. But anyways, so

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Speaker 1: he got drunk and said I loved you. He told

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Speaker 1: me that he told his mom about me, so I

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Speaker 1: was like, okay, I would, oh it takes a lot

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Speaker 1: for me, but tell my mom about someone. And we

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Speaker 1: actually like ended up having a breakup conversation where he

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Speaker 1: was like, I really have feelings for you, but he

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Speaker 1: was like I can't love someone when I don't love myself,

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Speaker 1: and I was like I was pretty fair and definitely

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Speaker 1: was not wrong. Um, so this is how that conversation

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Speaker 1: went down with him. I literally said pretty much the

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Speaker 1: exact same thing. So, okay, so drunk conversation with my friends,

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Speaker 1: a k argument, argue my X, and then I said,

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Speaker 1: does it and is there a distinction between X and

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Speaker 1: ex boyfriend? And he goes, great question. Honestly I never

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Speaker 1: knew the real difference and what it takes to become

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Speaker 1: an actual X. And Sam was like that's not clear.

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Speaker 1: And so again I was like, okay, so are you

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Speaker 1: my X and he said I guess so kind of

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Speaker 1: sort of do you consider me an X? And I

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Speaker 1: was like, well, I wrote a song about it called

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Speaker 1: l a X, so yeah, and he goes a great song.

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Speaker 1: By the way, I mean, yeah, we dated without the

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Speaker 1: title I guess, and I was like, I love winning.

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Speaker 1: And the biggest takeaway I had from those two conversations

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Speaker 1: was how quickly they fucking texted me back like that,

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Speaker 1: like within seconds. And I'm like, I remember when I

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Speaker 1: used to sit around and wait for like four days

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Speaker 1: for a text like a response, and then as soon

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Speaker 1: as you have a boyfriend, they're like Like I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to punch a hole in a wall like

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Speaker 1: and and I had also told myself like, you know, oh,

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Speaker 1: you know, maybe they're just like bad at times. Thing

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Speaker 1: like they don't have their phones and lengal. No, they

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Speaker 1: had their phones, they super had their phones, and they

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Speaker 1: just didn't want to text me back. And it was

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Speaker 1: that simple. Um. Also, my favorite prie about this is

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Speaker 1: like within the next two days, both of them randomly

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Speaker 1: found a reason to text me. And I was like,

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Speaker 1: I have a boyfriend. This was a joke with me

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Speaker 1: and my boyfriend. And I didn't say that. I just like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I was like, uh, oh cool, and I

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Speaker 1: left it. I'm not about to be like I am

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Speaker 1: a boyfriend, so you can't next me and tell me

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Speaker 1: you're excited to hear my song, because like it was

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Speaker 1: innocuous enough. So my point with that isn't so much

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Speaker 1: that they were like, I'm still into Kaylee. They were like,

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Speaker 1: texted me back really fast and texted me first. And

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Speaker 1: I there were times that I would have killed I

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Speaker 1: don't know what I would have killed. I hate that term.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't kill anything. I'm a vegetarian. Okay. There are

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Speaker 1: times that I would have done many things that would

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Speaker 1: humiliate me, and I actually did um to get a

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Speaker 1: text first or to get a text back, and so

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Speaker 1: now it's just so easy. Clearly I have feelings about this.

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Speaker 1: I'm curious as to y'all stories about breaking up with

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Speaker 1: someone you never dated. It's very real. It's very weird,

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Speaker 1: and I wouldn't wish it on anybody, because again, when

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Speaker 1: I was going through this, I had some very real

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Speaker 1: feelings for these two different guys at different points in time,

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Speaker 1: and when I was really sad about it being over,

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Speaker 1: I was like, I feel insane. And also the Nashville

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Speaker 1: fun Boy I wrote so many songs about that, like

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Speaker 1: so many, and he told me when Open Book came out,

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Speaker 1: he was like, I was just kind of pissed because, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, there weren't any songs about me on there,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, what the fuck? They both clearly

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Speaker 1: have some egos and I've used to definitely have a type. UM,

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Speaker 1: very happy with where I'm at right now. But it's

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Speaker 1: so funny because when I, you know, started planning this podcast,

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Speaker 1: I was super single. I was a total ship show.

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Speaker 1: I was you know, I was in the middle of

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Speaker 1: all this. I mean literally, I stopped talking to the

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Speaker 1: l A funck Boy, um like mid January of last year,

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Speaker 1: and I stopped talking to the Nashville fun Boy the

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Speaker 1: day I met Sam, So I remember so distinctly, like

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Speaker 1: I had stopped responding to him and stopped trying. And

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Speaker 1: so then he texted me like five times in a row,

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Speaker 1: which he would have never done, but it's because I

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Speaker 1: ghost to him. And I was at a bar with Sam,

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Speaker 1: like we don't even hang out like three days, and

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Speaker 1: I looked at my phone and I just flipped it

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Speaker 1: over and I just didn't respond. And then I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, I really like this guy. So these

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Speaker 1: are like pretty pretty recent. So when I was planning

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Speaker 1: this podcast, that's where my brain was at. And um,

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Speaker 1: I thought that this podcast was going to be a

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Speaker 1: lot more of me talking about being a ship's show.

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Speaker 1: So it is definitely a little bit interesting to be

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Speaker 1: talking so candidly and so publicly about my exes or

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Speaker 1: whatever the funk you want to call them when I

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Speaker 1: have a boyfriend. So I want you guys to just

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Speaker 1: kind of know that, um, there's a there's a clear

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Speaker 1: understanding within my relationship about it, about how this relates

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Speaker 1: to my job, about how I'm going to write about it,

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Speaker 1: and it's it's really amazing to be able to communicate

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Speaker 1: so clearly because x is are sensitive topics and I

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Speaker 1: am still singing songs about mine. Um. I also think

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Speaker 1: that when it comes to certain songs, a little bit

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Speaker 1: of distance between the situation and yourself can really help

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Speaker 1: give you some clarity on it. And I definitely don't

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Speaker 1: feel that inspired to write about my exes, but sometimes,

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Speaker 1: like in therapy, I'll have a epiphany and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, that's why that happened, and I'm not

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Speaker 1: angry about it anymore, so I can write a way

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Speaker 1: more clear headed song. And I know that this is

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Speaker 1: hard to believe, but my song Aimy I had had

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Speaker 1: that idea back in the summers lash fall of like

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Speaker 1: when it was happening when she had just done that

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Speaker 1: to me, and I never wrote it. I I kind

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Speaker 1: of didn't want it. I wanted to pretend that it

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Speaker 1: hadn't happened. So I ended up finishing the idea like

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Speaker 1: less than a month ago. And I know that that

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Speaker 1: sounds weird because it's like, oh my god, why do

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Speaker 1: you still care two and a half years later, But

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Speaker 1: it's because I finally felt like I could write about

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Speaker 1: it and just tell the story and not write a

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Speaker 1: song that's just like Amy, you're a fucking bitch, you know,

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Speaker 1: because that's that doesn't help anybody. And it's really candid

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Speaker 1: and it's really weird. But you know, I've heard from

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Speaker 1: a lot of people who've been in a similar situation.

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Speaker 1: It really hurts. There's not a whole lot of songs

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Speaker 1: out there about it. So that's what music is supposed

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Speaker 1: to do, is let you know you're not alone and

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Speaker 1: you're crazy bullshit drama and this just so happened to

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Speaker 1: be my friend sleeping with my ex. Anyways, I hope

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Speaker 1: you enjoyed my song that comes out about my friends

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Speaker 1: sleeping with my It's called Amy. It's out this Friday.

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Speaker 1: It's produced by Butch Walker. I'm gonna go a lot

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Speaker 1: more in depth on it next week on the podcast,

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Speaker 1: which I promise i'll actually do this time. You guys

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Speaker 1: are amazing. Thank you so much for listening and just

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Speaker 1: giving me a place to to do this. I'm very

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Speaker 1: very thankful, and I'm feeling extra thankful today. So I

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Speaker 1: love you, guys. My name is Kaylie Short and this

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Speaker 1: is too much to say asking questions now turn it

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Speaker 1: out to you