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Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional Professional. Hey,

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Speaker 1: Professional home Girls and it's your girl eban a from

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Speaker 1: the PhD podcast. The only place where you would hear

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Speaker 1: interviews from women anoviously on stories that were enlightened and

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Speaker 1: expand on taboo topics. Now, if you hear someone that

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Speaker 1: sounds familiar, mind abits to pays you child. If you

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Speaker 1: like the PhD podcast, please rate, review and subscribe on

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Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts. Please find star reviews only hold me down,

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Speaker 1: don't hold me up. You can connect with me on

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Speaker 1: Instagram at the Professional home Girl, at the PSC podcast

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Speaker 1: and last not least at and a Beauty. If you're

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Speaker 1: all caught up with episodes, listen to bonus episodes by

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Speaker 1: supporting the PSC podcast Patreon account. To support, please visit

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Speaker 1: www dot patreon dot com. Forward slash the PSD podcast. Now.

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Speaker 1: Please keep in mind that all of my guests aren't honest.

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Speaker 1: So let's begin this week's episode. So to my guests,

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Speaker 1: how are you feeling? I feel well? Thank you? Oh

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Speaker 1: my good well. I want to say thank you so

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Speaker 1: much for being a part of the PSC podcast. Um,

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Speaker 1: your son speaks very highly of you and he wrecked Mandy.

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Speaker 1: You as a guest for the show, and plus a

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Speaker 1: lot of my listeners have been wanting to hear some

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Speaker 1: game from a fly woman like this. So so thank you,

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Speaker 1: thank you for having me. Thank you. So how has

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Speaker 1: your quarantine been going? I love it. I'm enjoying my space.

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Speaker 1: I work from home, so I'm able to do everything

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Speaker 1: um and I feel like I'm working a little bit

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Speaker 1: harder because you work a little bit more when you're

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Speaker 1: working in your own space, you know the comfort level.

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Speaker 1: I don't have anyone bothering me coming to my office.

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Speaker 1: So I'm really enjoying quarantine. I'm finding out some more

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Speaker 1: things about me around point, because I was gonna ask you, say,

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Speaker 1: is there anything you learned about yourself during the quarantine

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Speaker 1: that you didn't realize? I maybe forgotten my spiritual side.

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Speaker 1: Every Tuesday and Thursday, my sister is a minister that

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Speaker 1: lives in Pennsylvania, and every Tuesday and Thursday we have

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Speaker 1: our prayer line and it has been very enlightening. Is

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Speaker 1: making me be pick up my Bible more than I've

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Speaker 1: ever picked it up in my life, and so my

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Speaker 1: spiritual side is becoming you know, I'm very happy about that. Yeah, good, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't a lot of things about myself to a

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Speaker 1: lot of things. I was just like, I need to

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Speaker 1: work on. Yeah, that that's definitely self awareness. Self awareness.

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Speaker 1: So that's a good thing. Unfortunately. So before we go

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Speaker 1: into your story, because I know it's going to inspire

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Speaker 1: my listeners, I do want to touch on the killings

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Speaker 1: of black men and women. So how has it been

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Speaker 1: as a black woman raising young boys and two men? Well,

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Speaker 1: that's that's a a sore subject for me because I

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Speaker 1: do have four sons, um and I have three adult

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Speaker 1: sons in a seventeen year old, so they're in different

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Speaker 1: phases of their life. And one my oldest son, is

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Speaker 1: a police officer. So with the fact that I have

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Speaker 1: a police officer, I also have black son, younger black

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Speaker 1: son that I'm still raising to be a man. And

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Speaker 1: I have two men. Uh, I worry every day. You know,

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Speaker 1: I'm an over I'm an over mom. You know you're

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Speaker 1: here to talk about the helicopter mom. I still text

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Speaker 1: them when they're out. Um, when they travel, they have

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Speaker 1: to let me know when they're landing, when when they're

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Speaker 1: coming back, where they're staying. Um, but cops, it's real

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Speaker 1: out here and with my son being a police officer.

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Speaker 1: He's even talked to them differently about what they should

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Speaker 1: do when they're in a car, how to address a

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Speaker 1: police officer, and some of the things that have happened.

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Speaker 1: Why from his perspective, those things have gone arrived. So

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Speaker 1: you know, it is his perspective as a cop, not

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Speaker 1: always and we don't always agree. We don't always agree.

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Speaker 1: But my son is a younger cop to he's only

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Speaker 1: been on the force for about a year, so he's um.

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Speaker 1: He wants to be the good cop. He really wants

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Speaker 1: to be the good cop. And I have friends that

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Speaker 1: are police officers and I've even had conversations with them

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Speaker 1: and gotten mentors for him because I worry about him

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Speaker 1: not getting jaded and becoming that cop did you see

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Speaker 1: on TV? Because like when the young man was killed

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Speaker 1: in Minnesota, one of the cops had just been on

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Speaker 1: the force for less to and I believe two years,

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Speaker 1: and he didn't know that he could actually speak up

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Speaker 1: and tell a fellow officer, dude, that's not right. So

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Speaker 1: I don't want my son, you know, to be become

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Speaker 1: that hot. So, yeah, what about your daughters. Do you

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Speaker 1: have any fears raising now? Yes, because the same level

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Speaker 1: of fears that you have to have for a son.

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Speaker 1: You have to have the old girl because even with women,

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Speaker 1: you know, they may think that they can take them

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Speaker 1: and not maybe beat them, but sexually motherst them or

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Speaker 1: you know, hurt them in some type of way. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, I talked to my daughter is the same way.

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Speaker 1: You know. I have a fifteen year old and a

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Speaker 1: four year old, and my twenty four year old. She

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Speaker 1: wants to go on to law enforce, you know, so

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Speaker 1: our conversations are like, are you sure, is that really

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Speaker 1: what you want to do? You know. So it's it's

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Speaker 1: hard raising black children in the stay and age. It

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Speaker 1: truly it is as to have kids like it's a

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Speaker 1: blessing and a curse. It's a blessing and a curse

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Speaker 1: because you want the best for your children and you

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Speaker 1: hope that things. You know, I have good kids, but

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Speaker 1: they could have easily gone the other way. They could

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Speaker 1: have very easily. I raised them at a single family home.

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Speaker 1: You know, they have a great relationship with their father,

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Speaker 1: but their father wasn't in the home with us, so

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Speaker 1: they could have very easily gone the other way. You know.

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Speaker 1: We just we pray for the best we pray for

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Speaker 1: the best. I'm just curious, do you think a child

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Speaker 1: needs both parents in the house. I say a child

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Speaker 1: needs to have it. If it's not the parents, that

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Speaker 1: the child needs to have people that surround them with

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Speaker 1: love and actually full direction. Because if you if you

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Speaker 1: know from my own situation, I did, like I said,

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Speaker 1: my ex husband and I we split up when my

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Speaker 1: daughter was three months old. So my son's actually are

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Speaker 1: more of a father's figure to her because they actually,

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Speaker 1: you know, she was the baby and she's the only

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Speaker 1: girl at the time before I adopted you children, So

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Speaker 1: the boys are more of a father figure. And she

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Speaker 1: has a great relationship with her father, don't get me wrong,

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Speaker 1: but those boys became more of a role model for her.

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Speaker 1: So I say that, Yes, I think children your goal

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Speaker 1: when you get married is to be there to raise

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Speaker 1: your children together. But it doesn't always work that way.

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Speaker 1: So if you have somebody else in that space, you

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Speaker 1: just have to know that they have to ride for

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Speaker 1: your kids, and ride for your kids hard. Don't ever

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Speaker 1: put anybody in your space that's not gonna, you know,

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Speaker 1: be that person for your kids. So for me, I

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Speaker 1: didn't feel confident like that, so I stayed by myself.

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Speaker 1: You know, Um, why didn't teach your daughters about self love?

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Speaker 1: That it starts with you first, because you can't love

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Speaker 1: somebody else and try to give them anything that you

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Speaker 1: don't give to yourself first. You gotta start with yourself first.

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Speaker 1: You gotta come to a situation as a complete person,

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Speaker 1: not that fifty fifty. I believe everybody has to be

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Speaker 1: a hundred hundred because if you go to a situation

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Speaker 1: and you're only fifty percent looking for somebody else to

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Speaker 1: fill in that other fifty, it's never So how are

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Speaker 1: you as a child? Um? As a child, I say,

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Speaker 1: I would say as a child, I was. I was

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Speaker 1: a good child. I was a believer. I was one

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Speaker 1: of those people that, um, if my mother said sit

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Speaker 1: there and don't you move, I sat there. But I

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Speaker 1: also grew up in the era of child's being seen

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Speaker 1: and not heard, you know. And then also for the

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Speaker 1: fact that I was raised at a very religious home.

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Speaker 1: So we went to church seven you know, Sundays, we

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Speaker 1: could go to church from Sunday school to the evening.

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Speaker 1: You know, we the pastor came to our house for jenners,

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Speaker 1: and you know, so I was I was a good kid.

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Speaker 1: I didn't cause friction too much. I think I was

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Speaker 1: a kid too. I was a nerd. I can't say

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Speaker 1: that I was a nerd. I was was. He was obedient.

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Speaker 1: I was very obedient, and I was very naive about things. Um,

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Speaker 1: I was the youngest in my situation. I was the youngest.

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Speaker 1: So as a result, my older siblings were really getting

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Speaker 1: ready to lead from home, and I just did what

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Speaker 1: I was told. You know, I didn't question. Doesn't bother

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Speaker 1: you that you was naive? No, no, you know it

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Speaker 1: used to because I used to think, like I'll give

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Speaker 1: you a give you a little story. I was not

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Speaker 1: a kids that was allowed to go to party. And

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Speaker 1: you know, during the Fourth of July and my hometown,

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Speaker 1: I was raised in a small town. You we would

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Speaker 1: have like on the fourth of July three on three

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Speaker 1: tournaments and people would be in town when I wasn't

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Speaker 1: the kid that was allowed to go to that. So

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Speaker 1: if I was able to go where I begged and pleaded.

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Speaker 1: My younger cousin, who was five years younger than me,

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Speaker 1: had to go with me. Oh yeah, everywhere, everywhere, everywhere.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, and I was a kid. If

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Speaker 1: I if I chance I was allowed to go somewhere

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Speaker 1: in me and my cousin we talked about this two

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Speaker 1: years ago. I said he would be sitting there at

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Speaker 1: the table plane with his matchable cars, just sitting there like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to be here, and I would get

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Speaker 1: in the door. I had to dance and have my

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Speaker 1: fun before everybody got there. And by the time they

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Speaker 1: got there, I had to be ready to go because

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Speaker 1: by loving the plot had to be home. So for

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Speaker 1: where the party is, I'm gonna dance to the last minute,

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Speaker 1: and we're gonna run home because I'm not gonna be

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Speaker 1: late because I'm just made want to go again. That's

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Speaker 1: why she might just say, yeah, you can go again.

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Speaker 1: So you know I was I wasn't obeding a child.

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Speaker 1: So do you think you had a childhood grown up?

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I had a great childhood. I had a

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Speaker 1: great childhood, great childhood because I was a child. You know,

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Speaker 1: I didn't have to try to be grown. I just

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Speaker 1: had to be a child. You know, there were expectations

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Speaker 1: that I had to get a job, I had to

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Speaker 1: do this, I had. I just had to be a child.

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Speaker 1: And my mother believed that, you know, children be children,

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Speaker 1: you know, there was a level of she went out

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Speaker 1: to work and I had to come home and cook

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Speaker 1: or anything. There was none of that. There was none

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Speaker 1: of that. Well, like you, UM, I didn't have a

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Speaker 1: good relation ship with my mom and my dad wasn't

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Speaker 1: president in my life. So in what ways do you

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Speaker 1: think that affected you? Well, first of all, I think

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Speaker 1: maybe let's rephrase that I have a good relationship with

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Speaker 1: my mom. I just had a different relationship with my mother. UM.

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Speaker 1: And I'll say say it like this. Going into my story,

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Speaker 1: I was adopted and I was adopted by my grandmother.

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Speaker 1: I was adopted when I was a baby. My mother,

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Speaker 1: my birth mother, had me when she was eighteen years old,

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Speaker 1: and at the time, from what I was told, she

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Speaker 1: was not going to keep me. So I stayed at

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Speaker 1: the hospital for a couple of days. When she decided

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Speaker 1: that she was going to keep me, they go get

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Speaker 1: me from the hospital. She comes home with her mother,

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Speaker 1: her stepfather, my grandfather, UM, and the rest of her

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Speaker 1: sibling with me. My mother was eighteen and decided that

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Speaker 1: she didn't want to live in Johnstown, Pennsylvania, which is

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Speaker 1: a very small town outside of Pittsburgh. She wanted to

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Speaker 1: move here, so I wonder why she moved to New York.

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Speaker 1: But our family go to where family is, so we

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Speaker 1: have family here. That makes sense. Yeah, that's the way

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Speaker 1: our family is. If you're going to move somewhere, you

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Speaker 1: tend to go where family so you have support. So

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Speaker 1: she moved here with our uncle and his family. So

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Speaker 1: I stayed. And for what my birth mother tells me

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Speaker 1: is that she made every attempt for me to come

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Speaker 1: with her. She was planning to leave with me coming

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Speaker 1: here to Chicago with her baby. When she got ready

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Speaker 1: to go, her mother and her you know stepfather said

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Speaker 1: you can miss a meal, but that baby can't miss

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Speaker 1: a meal, So that the baby is gonna stay here

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Speaker 1: and then you'll decide when you get yourself together, you

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Speaker 1: come back and get her. So that was what I

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Speaker 1: was told. The plan was, did bother you? So she

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Speaker 1: decided to give you what she was thinking, give me

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Speaker 1: a for adoption. Um no, you know, I guess that's

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Speaker 1: the thing about it is is that some people might say,

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Speaker 1: like you just said, when you know you didn't have

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Speaker 1: a good relationship with your mom, and that's not the

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Speaker 1: way it was, because in our family, that's what you do.

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Speaker 1: You know, you you you work with the situation of

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Speaker 1: helping a family member. That's the way we did things.

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Speaker 1: So I didn't know that until later. And later when

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Speaker 1: she and I talked about it, she was like, at eighteen,

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Speaker 1: I was just confused. I didn't know what I was

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Speaker 1: going to do. But when I came got ready to

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Speaker 1: go to Chicago, of course, then they convinced me, didn't

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Speaker 1: we be better for you to stay? And I thought

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Speaker 1: it would be better for you to stay. So, long

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Speaker 1: story short, my mother comes here and she lives here,

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Speaker 1: and I'm in Johnstown and I'm being raised by my grandmother.

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Speaker 1: But my grandmother has never been my grandmother. She's been

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Speaker 1: my mother, right, That's how my grandmother was. She's my mother.

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Speaker 1: But I it wasn't like she sheltered me to say, well,

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm just your mother. She told me my

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Speaker 1: mother lived in Chicago. So as a little girl, I

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Speaker 1: I don't know where I got this from, but I thought, okay,

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Speaker 1: I have two moms. My mom that I lived with

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Speaker 1: in Chicago and my mother in Chicago would come every

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Speaker 1: summer to see me. So for me, it was a

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Speaker 1: big thing. It was so exciting because my mother in Chicago.

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Speaker 1: He was really excited oh, my god. My mother, my

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Speaker 1: mother in Chicago was a you know, she was like

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Speaker 1: coming from the city. We lived in a small town,

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Speaker 1: and my mother is beautiful. My mother comes with a

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Speaker 1: lot of flair. You know. She was that person. So

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Speaker 1: every time she came to town, it was so very

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Speaker 1: exciting to me. My mother is coming to town. My

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Speaker 1: mother is coming to town. So we always had a relationship.

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Speaker 1: And I'll say that, um, maybe when my when my

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Speaker 1: dad passed away. He passed away when I was fifteen,

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Speaker 1: and at Chad sung at me all types of wrong information.

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Speaker 1: What did he say, Well, no, he's talking to I say,

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Speaker 1: my dad, now my birthday. My dad said, my first father.

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Speaker 1: I don't know my birth father. I don't know my

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Speaker 1: birth father. And my understanding is that my birth father

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Speaker 1: died when I was two years He told me that, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't know my birth father, but my dad. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so my dad, which was what my grandfather, but that

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Speaker 1: was my that's the only father. And I'll tell you

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Speaker 1: a lot of the ways that I am about men,

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Speaker 1: it's because of my dad. My dad was a great

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Speaker 1: man in my eyesight. My my dad was a phenomenal

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Speaker 1: person in my eyesight. To the fact that when he died,

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Speaker 1: I found out my dad was functioning alcoholic and I

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Speaker 1: never even knew it. I never even knew it. My

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Speaker 1: dad worked through family, citing around, just talking and talking.

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Speaker 1: And my sister who is five years apart from me,

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Speaker 1: and I remember, I'm adopted by my grandmother. So when

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Speaker 1: I say my sisters, everybody else will say, those are

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Speaker 1: really your honest, but they're my sisters. Those are the

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Speaker 1: sisters I grew up with. You know, we we carry

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Speaker 1: the same last name. Those are my sisters. So my sister,

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Speaker 1: who I'm five years apart, the one that's a minister. Now,

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Speaker 1: she made a comment about daddy's drinking. I'm sad daddy's drinking.

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Speaker 1: I mean I knew he drank a little bit. And

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Speaker 1: she was like, oh my god, you just need to stop.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, what are you talking about? And she's like,

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Speaker 1: you know, daddy was an alcoholic. And literally that broke

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Speaker 1: my heart. I cried like a baby, and everybody at

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Speaker 1: that moment said, see, this is it. This is the thing.

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Speaker 1: You don't you don't you just don't take you don't

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Speaker 1: pay attention to anything. When my dad would come here

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Speaker 1: from work and he would go downstairs and eat dinner.

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Speaker 1: As a kid, I always wonder why he had a

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Speaker 1: hard time getting back up the step where he would

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Speaker 1: sit on the back porch and drink and get drunk

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Speaker 1: and then could barely make it up a step. But

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Speaker 1: when you're were, you're exposed to a lot of things

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Speaker 1: growing up, because maybe that's why you didn't really recognize. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so it's like, I was you not used to see

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Speaker 1: somebody drinking, wasn't. I wasn't. I wasn't exposed because, like

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Speaker 1: I said, you know, on Sundays, my father went to

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Speaker 1: to church. We all went to church. My dad was

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Speaker 1: a deacon. My my dad was the crossing guard for

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Speaker 1: the buses. I mean, so no, I wasn't. So it's

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Speaker 1: a kid I want sheltered from a lot of things

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Speaker 1: that I just didn't know. And when I found out later,

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Speaker 1: it was like, oh, wow, you know that's really goodn't happening?

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Speaker 1: So you know, I like to comment you man about

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Speaker 1: you had a different relationship with your mom because I

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Speaker 1: think one thing that I had to accept is, you know,

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Speaker 1: my parents were done before they were my parents. So

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Speaker 1: when your son was telling me the story, I was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I can understand why you do have a

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Speaker 1: relationship with your mom now because she was eighteen. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: she was eighteen. And and I will just say that

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Speaker 1: you know me and my mom because I lived here

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Speaker 1: in Chicago. My mom is here. I moved here permanently

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Speaker 1: when I was twenty two years old, after I got

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Speaker 1: out of fashion food and my goal was to go

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Speaker 1: to New York because I have a fashion degree. I

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00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:35,080
Speaker 1: was going to go there, you know, to pursue you

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Speaker 1: know what. Okay, so that was my Sunday. So what

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Speaker 1: happened was that my sister said to me, one of

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Speaker 1: my older sisters, she said, why would you go to

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Speaker 1: New York. Why won't you go to Chicago where your

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Speaker 1: mother is. You'll have support there. M m. And it

335
00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:00,000
Speaker 1: never done to me that I would come to Chicago,

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00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:03,639
Speaker 1: but because I didn't have anyone in New York, it

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00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:06,440
Speaker 1: made more sense. Okay, well I'm gonna go to Chicago.

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Speaker 1: So what did I do. I have a fashion degree.

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00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:12,520
Speaker 1: I applied to be every model, you know when they

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00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:14,879
Speaker 1: used to do the run Rods and I used to

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00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:19,600
Speaker 1: I got up. I got, you know, the opportunity to

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Speaker 1: come here and possibly do that what I did, And

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Speaker 1: I say, you back in the day. I mean she

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Speaker 1: flying now, but back in the day, I was like,

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Speaker 1: what a fly girl. Thank you, but you know that

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00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:35,560
Speaker 1: didn't work out. But but seriously, moving here, um, me

347
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:40,479
Speaker 1: and my mom we started cultivating our relationship and so

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Speaker 1: at that time that's why I said we have a

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Speaker 1: different relationship because I think when I got here, she

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Speaker 1: felt like, Okay, she's finally here. She kind of wanted

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Speaker 1: to re raise me. But I was grown. I was grown,

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Speaker 1: So you know, she and I would have difficult times

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Speaker 1: at times about different things that she would want to

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00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:06,520
Speaker 1: tell me how I should do things. But I'm funny

355
00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:09,800
Speaker 1: too now, like if there ain't uch, you know, there's

356
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:12,760
Speaker 1: only so much you could tell me because I am grown.

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Speaker 1: And do you regret that? Though? What's that? Because like,

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Speaker 1: for instance, so I never met my father, right, and

359
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:25,040
Speaker 1: long story short, his girlfriend found me on Facebook asked me, oh,

360
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:26,920
Speaker 1: is your mom named so and so so and so. So.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, who was this? Because I was like you,

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Speaker 1: I didn't know I had a father. I can't miss

363
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Speaker 1: something I never had. So we end up talking and

364
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:37,159
Speaker 1: then he started trying to tell me what to do this,

365
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,760
Speaker 1: and then and I'm like, how can you somebow to

366
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Speaker 1: do anything. But we never had a relationship. But then

367
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:46,399
Speaker 1: I started thinking, I'm like, you know, my um, I

368
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:48,560
Speaker 1: said this to my listeners. My father is a functional

369
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Speaker 1: drug addict. So I was telling myself like, and I'm

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Speaker 1: his only child, So I was like, maybe I shouldn't

371
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Speaker 1: like keep reminding him that he wasn't there right. Well,

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Speaker 1: you know, and I think with me and my mother,

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Speaker 1: who did have to get to that point? Because I'll

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00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:07,840
Speaker 1: give you a prime example. Me and my mother were

375
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Speaker 1: raised in the same town, Johnstown, Pennsylvania. If she was

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00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:15,360
Speaker 1: sitting here now and I start to tell you stories

377
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:19,160
Speaker 1: about Johnstown, her stories about Johnson are gonna be told,

378
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:24,080
Speaker 1: and that drives me crazy. Yeah. She made a comment

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Speaker 1: to me one time, um that I was saying one

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00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:31,159
Speaker 1: of our aunts and Johns Town. I said, you know

381
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Speaker 1: how much I loved her, and I was just going

382
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,840
Speaker 1: on and on, and she said, well, she should be

383
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Speaker 1: nice to you, because that bitch treated me terrible. And

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, but that happened going back,

385
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,119
Speaker 1: That actually happened when I was sixteen and I was

386
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Speaker 1: here to visit her. So when I went back home

387
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 1: this same aunt, of course, now I got some some

388
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:02,359
Speaker 1: ways of feeling about because my mother has told me

389
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:05,800
Speaker 1: you treated her bad as a teenager. But then you know,

390
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,880
Speaker 1: later in life, I had to kind of start coming

391
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:12,919
Speaker 1: to the realization that her story of how she was

392
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:16,119
Speaker 1: raised in my story of the way that I was

393
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:20,199
Speaker 1: raised two different stories. You can be in the same

394
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:24,840
Speaker 1: family and not have the same perspective about back. I'm

395
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:28,159
Speaker 1: going through that with my suppisters now because things happened

396
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:30,399
Speaker 1: to me that I know my suppisters right there and

397
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:33,760
Speaker 1: they saw it, and they were not they it never happened,

398
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:37,919
Speaker 1: and it used to drive me crazy. That's just perspective,

399
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:41,840
Speaker 1: because everybody's not gonna see things the way you see it.

400
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:46,359
Speaker 1: Your feelings are your feelings, and you might take something

401
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:49,720
Speaker 1: in a different way than they're gonna take away. And

402
00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:51,879
Speaker 1: that's where I had to get to the point of

403
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:55,840
Speaker 1: my life where I was like, Okay, she and I

404
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:59,439
Speaker 1: we're going to agree the discreet. So I know that

405
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:01,919
Speaker 1: your mom um was having a relationship with her father

406
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:05,040
Speaker 1: and he was married to someone else, How did that

407
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:13,879
Speaker 1: make you feel? Well? Later in life, I thought about

408
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:16,280
Speaker 1: this several times, and I'll say this, later in life,

409
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:20,800
Speaker 1: it made me feel like older men can really manipulate

410
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:25,919
Speaker 1: a young woman. Well, he would have had to have

411
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:30,120
Speaker 1: been she would have been seventeen, and my mother did

412
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:34,040
Speaker 1: clean wool for his wife. This is the story. I'm

413
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:36,760
Speaker 1: told that she did cleaning for his wife and they

414
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:39,760
Speaker 1: started a relationship. So he would have had to been

415
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:44,240
Speaker 1: welcome to his forties, and she was a seventeen year

416
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:48,600
Speaker 1: old girl, you know, so he took advantage of her.

417
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:51,560
Speaker 1: That's the way I said it. And even I said

418
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 1: that to my mother when we discussed this, because you know,

419
00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:56,919
Speaker 1: I didn't know who this man was. She said, no,

420
00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:00,439
Speaker 1: he didn't take advantage of her. That she and he

421
00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:04,439
Speaker 1: they loved each other. But that's still again from a

422
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:08,120
Speaker 1: young girl's mind with the older man. That's the way

423
00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:10,080
Speaker 1: I took it. But so it never gave you know,

424
00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:13,000
Speaker 1: I didn't judge her or anything like that because I

425
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:14,720
Speaker 1: look that it is. He was an older man and

426
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,160
Speaker 1: she was a younger woman. But in her mind when

427
00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:22,440
Speaker 1: you talk to her about it, she feels like, yeah,

428
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:24,880
Speaker 1: I think she would. I don't think she would change

429
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:27,439
Speaker 1: that because she had no reason not to tell me

430
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:30,400
Speaker 1: the truth about it, you know, because I even gave

431
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:33,280
Speaker 1: her the opportunity to say, could could he eraped you

432
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:36,359
Speaker 1: or you know, because I'm thinking you're in this situation

433
00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:41,359
Speaker 1: blah blah blah, there you go. But she said no,

434
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:44,360
Speaker 1: She's like, no, he loved me. And and her story

435
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:47,679
Speaker 1: is when he died that he was actually coming to

436
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:51,400
Speaker 1: Chicago that he wanted to be, you know, with her.

437
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:55,439
Speaker 1: But you know, it is what it is. One thing

438
00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:57,480
Speaker 1: your son told me about because like I'm really big

439
00:25:57,480 --> 00:26:00,359
Speaker 1: on like breaking generational curses, and he was telling me

440
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:03,160
Speaker 1: how like the same thing that happened to you happened

441
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:07,399
Speaker 1: to your mom when her mom like five generations like

442
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:10,639
Speaker 1: that's and we he and I were talking about this.

443
00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:14,480
Speaker 1: My mother was raised by her grandmother until she was

444
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:18,520
Speaker 1: eight years old. Her mother was married, got divorced, and

445
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:22,280
Speaker 1: they lived in Mississippi, And so she left her in

446
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:25,879
Speaker 1: Mississippi with her grandmother, Mark Fanny, who I thought was

447
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:29,560
Speaker 1: just my grandmother, but she was my great grandmother. Um.

448
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:33,960
Speaker 1: She kept her until her mother got on her feet

449
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,960
Speaker 1: in Pennsylvania, and then she got her back when she

450
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:41,359
Speaker 1: got with my grandfather, her husband, UM, and she got

451
00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:44,119
Speaker 1: her at eight years old and she was then raised

452
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:47,480
Speaker 1: from eight years old until eighteen for ten years in Johnstown.

453
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:51,199
Speaker 1: Was that really a generational curse. Yeah, it's a generational

454
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:55,000
Speaker 1: curse for the fact of you. Well, and I've only

455
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,359
Speaker 1: even said it's a curse. Let me just not because

456
00:26:57,359 --> 00:27:01,360
Speaker 1: I don't like generational curse if it's not something not positive.

457
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:06,280
Speaker 1: So for me, I like how you put positive aspects

458
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:08,879
Speaker 1: on things. I say you didn't have a good relationship, Like, no,

459
00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:11,840
Speaker 1: I had a different relation because me and my mom

460
00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:15,040
Speaker 1: are great now. You know, my mom lived with me

461
00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 1: for ten years until you know she now lives in

462
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:21,960
Speaker 1: an assistant living. You will really have center now because

463
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:26,679
Speaker 1: of her health. But um after you know, I'm not

464
00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:29,119
Speaker 1: a person that likes to hold onto a lot of things.

465
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:32,240
Speaker 1: I will tell you this. I'm a grudge holder, but

466
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:34,159
Speaker 1: I don't like to hold on to things. You know

467
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:36,840
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And I'm not gonna again it's I'm

468
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:39,480
Speaker 1: not gonna, but I'm not gonna hold onto it. And

469
00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:42,360
Speaker 1: what is me? Every time I see you, that's that's

470
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:45,159
Speaker 1: what I'm gonna. That's not me. That's not me. I

471
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:47,760
Speaker 1: feel like the energy you give out is the energy

472
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,879
Speaker 1: you get back. So that's not that's not me. But

473
00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:59,359
Speaker 1: so generational curses in our family. If and this you

474
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,840
Speaker 1: just take you can't care of the kids, you take

475
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:05,880
Speaker 1: care of the kids. So my mother was raised by

476
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:10,040
Speaker 1: her grandmother. I was adopted and raised by my grandmother.

477
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:14,280
Speaker 1: I was telling older siblings. I had an older city

478
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:18,240
Speaker 1: that was given to another aunt because at the time

479
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 1: my mother, my grandmother couldn't take care of her her daughter.

480
00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:25,960
Speaker 1: She gave you know, so in our family that's what

481
00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:30,560
Speaker 1: we do. So leading up to me, I have two

482
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:34,040
Speaker 1: younger children and those are two younger children that are

483
00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 1: are my niece's children. And I've adopted in my pathem

484
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,720
Speaker 1: since they were ten months and eighteen months and their

485
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:45,080
Speaker 1: fifteen and seventeen. Now, what made you want to adopt kids?

486
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 1: I did not. I was helping the family. But when

487
00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:51,080
Speaker 1: you help the family, do you think it's a name

488
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:59,280
Speaker 1: of him? Yes? Yes, And I'll say my niece um

489
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:01,440
Speaker 1: whose children and I have at the time that I

490
00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:04,680
Speaker 1: got them. My other sister, who's five years a part

491
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:09,640
Speaker 1: of me, had her son and she only has one child,

492
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,600
Speaker 1: and pretty much you know, her son was grown at

493
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:15,920
Speaker 1: that time. We laugh about that this here she is

494
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:19,840
Speaker 1: with this baby. Well, I'm still raising kids. So when

495
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:22,960
Speaker 1: she called me, it was like, how about you take

496
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:27,280
Speaker 1: Messiah until Danielle gets out of rehab. And that was

497
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:29,960
Speaker 1: the way we had it set up that, you know,

498
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:32,040
Speaker 1: we were going to help her till she got out

499
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 1: of rehab, did her thing, blah blah blah. That went

500
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:42,080
Speaker 1: from me being all saying, well, you know, she has

501
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:45,840
Speaker 1: another baby, and this baby is going into the system

502
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:50,560
Speaker 1: and at this point we are going to um terminate

503
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:54,440
Speaker 1: her parental right, so you know it's like your hand

504
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:58,240
Speaker 1: was time hand, well, and so this is what what

505
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:02,880
Speaker 1: how it went m the the baby was in foster

506
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:08,640
Speaker 1: care and they wanted to adopt her, and I have

507
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:12,880
Speaker 1: a child, and I said, well, wait a minute, what

508
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:14,560
Speaker 1: do you mean they want to adopt her? Do they

509
00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:17,160
Speaker 1: want to adopt both of both of these children or

510
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:21,600
Speaker 1: do they just want her? And I got back they

511
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:25,560
Speaker 1: just want to adopt her mm hmm, And I was

512
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:28,880
Speaker 1: like no. A lot of kids, a lot of siblings

513
00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:31,160
Speaker 1: go through that. Yeah, And that was my whole thing.

514
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:35,000
Speaker 1: I was like no. And they asked me, you know,

515
00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:37,440
Speaker 1: do you want to put him in foster care? Are

516
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:40,240
Speaker 1: you say you don't? I'm like no, I why would

517
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:43,920
Speaker 1: I have one child and then another child is to

518
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:47,640
Speaker 1: be adopted out. I'm not going to do that. So

519
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:51,640
Speaker 1: I said, well I want the baby M. And so

520
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:56,520
Speaker 1: that's how I winded up with both of them and

521
00:30:56,720 --> 00:31:00,240
Speaker 1: eventually going ahead and adopt them. No, I was for

522
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:04,240
Speaker 1: four kids by myself, you know. And at the time

523
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:07,560
Speaker 1: when I made that decision, I called your father, Like

524
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:09,840
Speaker 1: I said, me and their father, my kids father have

525
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:13,200
Speaker 1: a very good relationship. Excuse me. And I called him

526
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:15,400
Speaker 1: and I said, Okay, this is when I'm planning on doing.

527
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:18,200
Speaker 1: And I need to know that you're okay with this

528
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:21,760
Speaker 1: because you know, these will be my children. So also,

529
00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 1: these are your children. We need to make sure that

530
00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:27,720
Speaker 1: we're going on this, you know, because they're going to

531
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:29,640
Speaker 1: be raised in the house and they're gonna know you

532
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:34,800
Speaker 1: as their father when you come to see your kids. Yeah. Yeah,

533
00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 1: because at the time that I adopted them, Um, my

534
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:43,800
Speaker 1: daughter was ten ten she was ten because her her

535
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:47,160
Speaker 1: and my and her and the baby, my fifteen year

536
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:51,320
Speaker 1: old there exactly ten years apart. She turned fifteen and

537
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 1: more gonna be this year. M. So thank God for you. Well,

538
00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 1: I always say I'm getting my I got my wings. Okay,

539
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:04,800
Speaker 1: I got I got my ways. Um, didn't bother you

540
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:10,600
Speaker 1: that you never met your father? No, your biological my

541
00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:13,560
Speaker 1: body to her father. No, it never you know. And

542
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:15,760
Speaker 1: it's funny. A friend of mine, I have a friend

543
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 1: here and she's very into you know, ancestor dot com.

544
00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:22,320
Speaker 1: She's gone to Ireland and met all these distant cousins

545
00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:25,360
Speaker 1: and that the other. So she said to me, you know,

546
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:29,080
Speaker 1: I will help you. I think you want to find

547
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:31,360
Speaker 1: out who your relatives are. Oh, you don't know if

548
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:34,000
Speaker 1: you have siblings. Well I found out he doesn't have any.

549
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:37,400
Speaker 1: He didn't have any other children and his wife because

550
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:40,280
Speaker 1: I knew his wife as a kid and they didn't

551
00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:43,920
Speaker 1: have anything and they didn't have any children. But I

552
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,680
Speaker 1: told her, why would I want to do that? Why

553
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 1: would I want to open the door that I don't

554
00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:54,160
Speaker 1: know what's gonna come through it. I don't even make it.

555
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:57,840
Speaker 1: Probably tell you about Similary were slaves, right right. I

556
00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:01,160
Speaker 1: don't need to open the doors to no more trauma.

557
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:04,040
Speaker 1: I don't believe that. I don't believe the opening up

558
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:06,800
Speaker 1: my house to let drama come in my house. That's

559
00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:09,280
Speaker 1: not This is my safe pavement. And I feel like

560
00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:12,880
Speaker 1: when you allow people, when you're go looking for something,

561
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:17,000
Speaker 1: you'll find it. You'll find it and not always just

562
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:21,560
Speaker 1: going to be good. So I heard that, me go

563
00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:26,640
Speaker 1: and look over something, though, you'll find it exactly what

564
00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 1: you're looking for. And then some absolutely, you know that's

565
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:34,480
Speaker 1: a fact. No one thing that your son told me.

566
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:37,760
Speaker 1: And I did an episode with a colorism expert. So

567
00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:39,200
Speaker 1: when he told me this, I'm like, this is so

568
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:40,680
Speaker 1: true because she said that a lot of times within

569
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:43,719
Speaker 1: our own community, sometimes within our families, this plays are

570
00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:48,520
Speaker 1: really you are already smiling. God. Sometimes I'm like, man,

571
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:52,040
Speaker 1: I just stopped telling little stuff. Yea, you mustn't been

572
00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:53,840
Speaker 1: telling him stuff. He was like, yo, and make sure

573
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:57,280
Speaker 1: you put this. It was. It's funny. We were just

574
00:33:57,480 --> 00:34:03,840
Speaker 1: talking about and very light my not everybody in my

575
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:07,640
Speaker 1: family is like I was gonna ask about the siblingers

576
00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:09,560
Speaker 1: me and I know we were talking about what okay,

577
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:15,279
Speaker 1: colorism with the households. Households. I mean, I will tell

578
00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:18,719
Speaker 1: you that me and my sister, because my mom has

579
00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:25,160
Speaker 1: a daughter, my biological mom my sister, we are very close. Um.

580
00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:27,520
Speaker 1: But I have a very good girlfriend, and I'll give

581
00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:30,000
Speaker 1: you the example by the reason why I'm putting like this,

582
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:34,600
Speaker 1: I have a very good girlfriend that she's very light skinned.

583
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:40,360
Speaker 1: We have been in situations where my sister, and I

584
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:46,080
Speaker 1: will tell people we're sisters and people won't believe us,

585
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:54,360
Speaker 1: and no, think, darn, yeah, she's she's maybe a little darker,

586
00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:59,080
Speaker 1: and people won't believe that we're sisters, and I'll go, yeah,

587
00:35:00,719 --> 00:35:04,839
Speaker 1: she had the same mother, but yeah, And I think

588
00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:07,759
Speaker 1: at one point me and her kind of had problems

589
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:11,200
Speaker 1: because I think that really bothered her that people would

590
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:15,400
Speaker 1: point out she's so much lighter than you are. Wise,

591
00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:17,759
Speaker 1: you know, I really hate that they do that to it,

592
00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:21,160
Speaker 1: you know, And I'm gonna tell you something like I

593
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:24,799
Speaker 1: was explaining that could be reversed because my younger two

594
00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:29,600
Speaker 1: children are very dark now and we're all right, because

595
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:33,080
Speaker 1: I had an instance one Messiah was a baby. I

596
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:37,560
Speaker 1: told him to the school and I'm standing outside waiting

597
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:41,839
Speaker 1: after school, and the aid kept saying, who's your son?

598
00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:45,359
Speaker 1: Who is your son? And I said, that's my son

599
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:52,000
Speaker 1: right there. I would never guess what he didn't cars out,

600
00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:59,080
Speaker 1: just because the things that sounds hacky, like what are

601
00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:03,279
Speaker 1: you talking about? But older people tend to do that

602
00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:06,840
Speaker 1: a lot. You know. We've had instance where you know,

603
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:10,799
Speaker 1: even my kids, my kids, people are saying, oh, they

604
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:14,600
Speaker 1: talk like or they talk a certain way when they

605
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:18,560
Speaker 1: were younger, and that always that's gonna irritate me. Or

606
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:21,640
Speaker 1: when I tell people have an NBA, you have an NBA, Am,

607
00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:25,560
Speaker 1: I'm not supposed to have an NBA supposed to be right. Yeah,

608
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:28,680
Speaker 1: we do it too much in our families. And I

609
00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:31,960
Speaker 1: will say, you know, me and my sister struggle with

610
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:35,200
Speaker 1: that at poor while, and it finally got to the

611
00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:39,320
Speaker 1: point of my girl, well, we know we siblings, and

612
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:41,719
Speaker 1: somebody else wo believes that's why we got word that.

613
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:43,759
Speaker 1: So it wasn't advice you would give to listeners out

614
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:48,600
Speaker 1: there that's struggling with their siblings. First of all, it's

615
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:53,120
Speaker 1: important that you validate your relationship with each other and

616
00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:56,800
Speaker 1: don't let the outside tell you what your relationship should be.

617
00:36:57,160 --> 00:36:59,600
Speaker 1: If we stop looking for everybody else to give us

618
00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:02,239
Speaker 1: to sell love, or you gotta be like skin and

619
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 1: this to be that you gotta be. Now, you know

620
00:37:06,239 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 1: you're dark, you're you're natural, you're this. Stop the bandwagons.

621
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:14,760
Speaker 1: If we could stop the bandwagons and we get comfortable

622
00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:17,680
Speaker 1: on our own skin, it wouldn't matter. I hate when

623
00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:19,319
Speaker 1: they have a dark skinned girl and I'm like all

624
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:23,240
Speaker 1: dark skinned girls not natural. The stereotypes and we allow

625
00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:28,120
Speaker 1: those stereos. But we do because we go outside. We

626
00:37:28,239 --> 00:37:30,960
Speaker 1: look at what is the artist saying, you know, what

627
00:37:31,239 --> 00:37:33,880
Speaker 1: is the next big artist looking like? So that we

628
00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:37,120
Speaker 1: can validate who we are in ourselves. And that's only

629
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:40,719
Speaker 1: from us not understanding our own culture, not not that

630
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:43,319
Speaker 1: self love. Just as you just said about self love,

631
00:37:43,719 --> 00:37:45,880
Speaker 1: if you don't start with yourself and making sure that

632
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:49,480
Speaker 1: you're one hundred within yourself, you always want to let

633
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:51,320
Speaker 1: them lose the world tell you what you should and

634
00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:55,560
Speaker 1: shouldn't be. That's the reason why body, you know, deforming

635
00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:59,000
Speaker 1: your body, pumping this up, pumping that up. You gotta

636
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:04,239
Speaker 1: like the skin that you in. You know, you're right. Um,

637
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:07,960
Speaker 1: So how did having your your dad and your biological

638
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:10,920
Speaker 1: father affect your life or affect your relationship with men?

639
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:18,960
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Well, my biological father, I could say it

640
00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:22,680
Speaker 1: has no relationship in reference to a man because he's

641
00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:26,360
Speaker 1: not a factor for me. Um, the father that I

642
00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:30,040
Speaker 1: was born with, I mean that I lived with my dad.

643
00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:34,759
Speaker 1: As I said, I think I I had such an

644
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:37,719
Speaker 1: idea of what a great man was to take care

645
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:40,279
Speaker 1: of a family. You know, my dad was a type

646
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:42,719
Speaker 1: of person. He worked in the steel mill and he

647
00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:45,719
Speaker 1: came home and gave his check to my mother, and

648
00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:51,319
Speaker 1: my mother took so as a result, that the right

649
00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:54,839
Speaker 1: you know, and it wasn't about taking the man's money

650
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:56,840
Speaker 1: and not doing the right thing. You took care of

651
00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:59,880
Speaker 1: your home, You fed your family. You know, I didn't

652
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:03,520
Speaker 1: we up knowing what anything being turned off was. You know,

653
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:07,120
Speaker 1: we never had the lights being turned off or or

654
00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:11,200
Speaker 1: no water. We've never had anything like that. Food always

655
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:13,800
Speaker 1: in the house. So those were the things that for

656
00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:17,640
Speaker 1: me were important, you know, to make sure that you

657
00:39:17,719 --> 00:39:20,239
Speaker 1: had that type of man, that you had that type

658
00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:24,680
Speaker 1: of man in your life. So now, right now, I

659
00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:31,560
Speaker 1: will say that um having certain relationships with people as

660
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:36,400
Speaker 1: I was going into relationships were difficult because I did

661
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:40,520
Speaker 1: look for certain men to be certain ways, and when

662
00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:43,080
Speaker 1: the man didn't step up and was that type of

663
00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:47,240
Speaker 1: the way in my life, then it was no longer

664
00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:52,520
Speaker 1: a person I was interested in if you weren't a

665
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:56,520
Speaker 1: good provider, because that's what I grew up with. I

666
00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:58,920
Speaker 1: grew up with a good provider. Can we look at

667
00:39:58,960 --> 00:40:01,920
Speaker 1: me crazy? I'm used to people. I'm used to being

668
00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:05,040
Speaker 1: in a relationship with men provided because I'm used to

669
00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:08,239
Speaker 1: seeing men that I grew up with provide there's and

670
00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:10,920
Speaker 1: you know, I'm gonna tell you something, there's nothing wrong

671
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:13,440
Speaker 1: with that. The only thing that I would say to

672
00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:17,280
Speaker 1: that is that if you don't keep yourself in a circle,

673
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:19,880
Speaker 1: or you don't find a man that does that for you,

674
00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:23,080
Speaker 1: and not even for let me RePhase and not for

675
00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:27,440
Speaker 1: you for y'all, because that didnt wants to do it,

676
00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:31,480
Speaker 1: that wants to do it. Because for me, when I

677
00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:37,200
Speaker 1: didn't find somebody like that that, I was no longer interested. Okay,

678
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:40,600
Speaker 1: I could do this by myself. I really I was

679
00:40:40,719 --> 00:40:43,720
Speaker 1: prone in my mind of I could do things by myself.

680
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:45,960
Speaker 1: I don't need anybody else to be broken with me.

681
00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:50,360
Speaker 1: I didn't need that, you know. So a lot of

682
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:53,720
Speaker 1: times that kind of also pushed me away from people,

683
00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:57,880
Speaker 1: so I don't date much. I did date at times,

684
00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:03,000
Speaker 1: but I don't date just for fun, you know. So

685
00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:06,479
Speaker 1: it was like, Okay, yeah, y'all, I'm y'all not ready

686
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:08,399
Speaker 1: for me. So I'm not ready for God. So don't

687
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:10,239
Speaker 1: be trying to hit me up asking me about you

688
00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:15,719
Speaker 1: love me up. I'm too old for y'all listeners. But

689
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:21,960
Speaker 1: I'm just like, you're surprised with these, So what did

690
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:27,040
Speaker 1: you learn? About yourself while being married? Um, did you

691
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:31,080
Speaker 1: like being married? I did not marry my husband. I

692
00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:34,680
Speaker 1: married my best friend and we should have always remained

693
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:38,360
Speaker 1: best friends. My children have a phenomenal father. He just

694
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:42,719
Speaker 1: wasn't my husband. And how long for you to realize that?

695
00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:49,600
Speaker 1: I knew it early off in the game. I knew

696
00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:51,720
Speaker 1: it early off in the game. But the thing about

697
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:54,279
Speaker 1: it is is that you know, that's so deep. I

698
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:57,239
Speaker 1: had already had a child with him, and so it

699
00:41:57,440 --> 00:42:00,800
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, in my mind, if we we built

700
00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:06,480
Speaker 1: this family, we're gonna be good. So after baby one, okay,

701
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:10,680
Speaker 1: we were still growing. After baby too, we're trying to

702
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:17,120
Speaker 1: get there. At the baby three, nothing's changing. My baby four,

703
00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:22,360
Speaker 1: we were really done. And the sad part about that

704
00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:26,040
Speaker 1: was is that again I think I did the best

705
00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:28,680
Speaker 1: job of giving them the right father. I just didn't

706
00:42:28,719 --> 00:42:31,920
Speaker 1: do the right job and finding my husband. That's why

707
00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:35,279
Speaker 1: today we can be friends. We laughed, we joke, we're good.

708
00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:41,319
Speaker 1: But um, in reference to relationship wise, he has even

709
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:44,200
Speaker 1: when he got ready to get remarried, you know, after

710
00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:46,360
Speaker 1: everything was overset and done, and he called me and

711
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:48,800
Speaker 1: he said, you know that he was gonna get married.

712
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:53,759
Speaker 1: Did bother him. No, it didn't bother me. But this

713
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:57,520
Speaker 1: is what I told him, If you're going to marry

714
00:42:57,600 --> 00:43:00,080
Speaker 1: this person, then you need to make sure that this

715
00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:02,720
Speaker 1: is the person that you're going to be with, because

716
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:07,440
Speaker 1: somebody has to show our children a successful relationship. And

717
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:10,480
Speaker 1: I knew it wasn't gonna be me. Why I knew

718
00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:13,120
Speaker 1: it wasn't gonna be me because I wore the badge

719
00:43:13,160 --> 00:43:17,040
Speaker 1: of this. Unfortunately, I was a single mother with four kids,

720
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:22,040
Speaker 1: three sons and one daughter. So coming in the gate

721
00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:24,719
Speaker 1: if you met me, people would say, boy, you say

722
00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:27,520
Speaker 1: that a lot. These are my four kids with my

723
00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:31,080
Speaker 1: ex husband. Because I never wanted anybody to label me.

724
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:34,279
Speaker 1: Then oh my god, she got all these kids. I

725
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:38,560
Speaker 1: was married when I had my children. I was gonna

726
00:43:38,640 --> 00:43:41,719
Speaker 1: raise my children. So again I was that helicopter mother.

727
00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:45,719
Speaker 1: My kids had to excel in everything. Sometimes I know

728
00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:48,920
Speaker 1: I got on their nerves, like, okay, you know, y'all

729
00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:51,080
Speaker 1: can't embarrass me. Y'all got to do this, y'all got

730
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:55,239
Speaker 1: to do that. So I made sure I raised them right,

731
00:43:55,560 --> 00:43:57,800
Speaker 1: and it I did put me on the back burger.

732
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:01,000
Speaker 1: I just want to ask you that, yeah, yeah, and

733
00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:04,120
Speaker 1: I think you know again, I have to remember the

734
00:44:04,160 --> 00:44:06,759
Speaker 1: words to come out your mouth at certain points in

735
00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:09,360
Speaker 1: your life. They have come back to bite me because

736
00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:12,439
Speaker 1: I was like, I know, I'm just gonna raise my kids.

737
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:14,000
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do a great job. I'm gonna be a

738
00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:16,800
Speaker 1: good mom. And I think I was that I stopped

739
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:19,799
Speaker 1: living for me. I enjoy it, and don't get me wrong,

740
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:23,520
Speaker 1: I have friends and things like that, but the relationship wise,

741
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:26,360
Speaker 1: and I would have friends that would tell me that,

742
00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:29,600
Speaker 1: you know, even their friends like your kids gonna grow

743
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:32,680
Speaker 1: up and go right one day. You know that I'm

744
00:44:32,719 --> 00:44:36,000
Speaker 1: a friend to this day. Here I had that conversation

745
00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:38,920
Speaker 1: and he was like, you act like you can't do

746
00:44:39,040 --> 00:44:42,160
Speaker 1: anything if it's not abustles to those kids. You else.

747
00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:45,840
Speaker 1: But I do now Now Now I'm good. Now I

748
00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:47,799
Speaker 1: want to live my life. And it's been that way

749
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:50,760
Speaker 1: for a couple of years. But then this whole dating

750
00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:54,200
Speaker 1: thing is told totally different. Now. They should have told

751
00:44:54,200 --> 00:44:56,720
Speaker 1: me that the stating thing was gonna be totally different.

752
00:44:58,480 --> 00:45:01,640
Speaker 1: Oh you know this s white the less likely, right, Yeah,

753
00:45:02,840 --> 00:45:08,280
Speaker 1: I just want what is it Bomble? Oh yeah, Bob

754
00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:11,440
Speaker 1: is cute. Yeah, but every white man in the city. Now,

755
00:45:11,719 --> 00:45:13,279
Speaker 1: so the people to call me, I adin't really see

756
00:45:13,320 --> 00:45:16,239
Speaker 1: the black man at this city. Yeah, I would. I

757
00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:19,959
Speaker 1: would date anybody to like you. Yeah, like I would

758
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:24,120
Speaker 1: date anybody that likes me. Any too many black men

759
00:45:24,239 --> 00:45:28,120
Speaker 1: or girl, ain't too many good black men like the

760
00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:30,960
Speaker 1: right one girl. At one point in my life, I

761
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:36,439
Speaker 1: was all black people being I started, yeah, I don't

762
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:40,840
Speaker 1: want I didn't know that. Yeah. I was like, no

763
00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:44,520
Speaker 1: that's okay, no, no, no, so yeah, but you're know,

764
00:45:44,719 --> 00:45:47,279
Speaker 1: now I'm ready to live my life because I think

765
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:50,600
Speaker 1: that you're still young. Yeah, yeah, I know. Then you

766
00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:54,279
Speaker 1: look good. You Now that's Corona coming down. I know, right,

767
00:45:54,840 --> 00:45:59,080
Speaker 1: this is all different. I know. Yeah, I had to

768
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:01,319
Speaker 1: come out here because um, and you're pretty much everything

769
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:03,520
Speaker 1: is still kind of like shut down, and I'm like,

770
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:06,040
Speaker 1: I have to be around my people, like I'm crazy.

771
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:10,920
Speaker 1: Do you think there's a formula to like longevity and relationships.

772
00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:17,040
Speaker 1: I don't know. I would like to say yes this

773
00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:19,720
Speaker 1: before that. I would like to say honesty and trust

774
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:23,279
Speaker 1: and you know, all of those things, but it's just

775
00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:27,280
Speaker 1: so hard. They're so hard. I think just even having

776
00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:31,520
Speaker 1: relationships with your children, relationships with your friends, I think

777
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:35,960
Speaker 1: everything comes. There's a lot to it. So really when

778
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:39,040
Speaker 1: you get to a point of a relationship with relationship

779
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:43,759
Speaker 1: absolutely you know, because so right now I will tell

780
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:47,160
Speaker 1: you I'm probably having the best relationship with myself. Um,

781
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:50,640
Speaker 1: but having a relationship with the man, I really don't know.

782
00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:52,839
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm still trying to figure that out.

783
00:46:53,200 --> 00:46:58,200
Speaker 1: Not nobody right now. Mm hmm, No, not right now.

784
00:46:58,480 --> 00:47:01,680
Speaker 1: I have a friend, I have friend ends, but nobody

785
00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:03,640
Speaker 1: that I would be like, oh, yeah, I'm dating him. Not.

786
00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:07,839
Speaker 1: Is there anything you would have done definitely differently within

787
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:12,160
Speaker 1: your marriage, Probably not get married at the time that

788
00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:17,560
Speaker 1: I did. I got married because being obedient, we got married.

789
00:47:20,880 --> 00:47:28,319
Speaker 1: How it was like twenty five. Wow, five twenty five?

790
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:33,680
Speaker 1: Are you was really young? Would you get married again? Well,

791
00:47:33,760 --> 00:47:35,759
Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying. You gotta be careful of the

792
00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:38,040
Speaker 1: words to come out your mouth, because I said when

793
00:47:38,120 --> 00:47:41,120
Speaker 1: I divorced, I wasn't gonna get married. I was just gonna,

794
00:47:41,239 --> 00:47:44,000
Speaker 1: you know, be a man, raised my kids, and I

795
00:47:44,120 --> 00:47:46,719
Speaker 1: think I might have blocked a lot of blessings that

796
00:47:46,840 --> 00:47:49,279
Speaker 1: might have come my way. So yeah, I would get

797
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:52,520
Speaker 1: married again. You know. I wish I wouldn't have waited

798
00:47:52,600 --> 00:47:57,360
Speaker 1: so long because I have friends that have relationships in

799
00:47:57,480 --> 00:48:00,960
Speaker 1: the twenties years. You know, have a friend that's been

800
00:48:01,160 --> 00:48:04,359
Speaker 1: married for thirty years. You know, she got married much younger,

801
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:07,480
Speaker 1: but she she's had a relationship for thirty years, and

802
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:10,840
Speaker 1: that it has just been like, wow, you know, I

803
00:48:10,960 --> 00:48:13,920
Speaker 1: can't even get with somebody for thirty days, you know,

804
00:48:14,760 --> 00:48:17,400
Speaker 1: So you know, I mean, I think that's that's the thing.

805
00:48:17,560 --> 00:48:21,600
Speaker 1: I really though it could still happen, But I really

806
00:48:21,680 --> 00:48:24,880
Speaker 1: wish I probably didn't put myself in a position to say, like,

807
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:27,680
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not gonna get married. Got to be

808
00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:30,680
Speaker 1: careful the words who come out your mouth. You have

809
00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:33,560
Speaker 1: to be careful for those words. Wasn't advice you would

810
00:48:33,600 --> 00:48:40,160
Speaker 1: give young women on dating. The first thing I would

811
00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:44,920
Speaker 1: tell young women dating is be true to yourself. Be

812
00:48:45,120 --> 00:48:48,920
Speaker 1: true to yourself. Do not do not date someone for

813
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:55,000
Speaker 1: a thing. Do not think someone that you know for

814
00:48:55,120 --> 00:49:00,719
Speaker 1: a status. Do not think someone because you know this

815
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:03,800
Speaker 1: is what everybody else is doing. Be true to yourself,

816
00:49:04,640 --> 00:49:07,680
Speaker 1: date that you know. In date someone, and I actually

817
00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:10,320
Speaker 1: look for someone that's going to be the best for you,

818
00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:12,880
Speaker 1: not what the world tells you is going to be

819
00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:17,000
Speaker 1: the best for you. You know, you have to be

820
00:49:17,160 --> 00:49:20,480
Speaker 1: true to yourself. You know, I think we put our

821
00:49:20,560 --> 00:49:25,120
Speaker 1: expectations out here and we look at what the social

822
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:28,640
Speaker 1: media tells you who you should be with, what you

823
00:49:28,719 --> 00:49:33,799
Speaker 1: should be doing, And that's not real. That's not real. Yeah,

824
00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:36,160
Speaker 1: social media has definitely messed up a lot of things

825
00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:39,399
Speaker 1: for people because people have that destination happiness. Oh yeah,

826
00:49:39,719 --> 00:49:42,200
Speaker 1: I think that's what's wrong with Corona. That's why you're

827
00:49:42,200 --> 00:49:45,480
Speaker 1: seeing so many couples break up. Now, You're you're seeing

828
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:49,120
Speaker 1: people that actually realize, I don't even like this person.

829
00:49:49,200 --> 00:49:51,160
Speaker 1: Why am I in the house with this person? When

830
00:49:51,160 --> 00:49:53,600
Speaker 1: you gotta be with yourself or you gotta be with

831
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:58,600
Speaker 1: somebody for three to five months continuously. But I like

832
00:49:58,760 --> 00:50:03,000
Speaker 1: that person. But I think people are seeing like, why

833
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:06,359
Speaker 1: the hell with this person? It's nice when we could

834
00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:08,000
Speaker 1: be on the brand and we could be out here

835
00:50:08,080 --> 00:50:10,840
Speaker 1: with all our friends on you know, at the parties

836
00:50:10,960 --> 00:50:12,520
Speaker 1: and this, that and the other, but when we got

837
00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:14,319
Speaker 1: to sit in the house, so we gotta sit down

838
00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:19,360
Speaker 1: to cook a meal and actually talk to somebody like

839
00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:23,000
Speaker 1: why did I marry? So I think that's what you're

840
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:25,560
Speaker 1: seeing right now. I think that the covers are being

841
00:50:26,520 --> 00:50:30,279
Speaker 1: pulled back, that people are really saying I don't like them,

842
00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:34,880
Speaker 1: you know, you're hearing couples that are splitting up, and

843
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:37,920
Speaker 1: you're saying, why, well, why they splitting up because they

844
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:40,560
Speaker 1: really realize I don't like this person. I like when

845
00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:42,880
Speaker 1: they're on the road. I like when you know they

846
00:50:42,960 --> 00:50:44,320
Speaker 1: don't have to be and they don't even have to

847
00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:47,440
Speaker 1: be famous. They could just be. You know, Joe and

848
00:50:47,640 --> 00:50:51,040
Speaker 1: Joe Miller from down the street, him and Sarah realized

849
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:53,160
Speaker 1: they just really don't like each other, and I don't

850
00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:56,360
Speaker 1: want to be in this house with this person. You know,

851
00:50:56,800 --> 00:50:59,080
Speaker 1: be true to yourself. Yeah. I always saw myself that

852
00:50:59,160 --> 00:51:01,480
Speaker 1: the person I'm with have to like them as a person,

853
00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:04,440
Speaker 1: like I have to have fun and crack jokes and stuff,

854
00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:07,360
Speaker 1: because I was going crazy. Yeah yeah, because if you

855
00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:10,440
Speaker 1: don't like them as a person, how do you want

856
00:51:10,480 --> 00:51:13,600
Speaker 1: to be with someone for years and say this is

857
00:51:13,719 --> 00:51:16,320
Speaker 1: my mate. I know this person got my bad and

858
00:51:16,480 --> 00:51:20,319
Speaker 1: you have to really sit back and say like them.

859
00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:22,600
Speaker 1: And I also want a man to like me for me.

860
00:51:23,400 --> 00:51:25,960
Speaker 1: I think that when people meet you where they see

861
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:27,640
Speaker 1: you and they see you all glanced up and stuff,

862
00:51:27,680 --> 00:51:30,120
Speaker 1: they expect you to be like that twenty four seven

863
00:51:30,160 --> 00:51:32,880
Speaker 1: and I don't look like this. Seven About it is

864
00:51:33,120 --> 00:51:36,440
Speaker 1: that I told, you know, even tell my children, you're

865
00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:39,360
Speaker 1: gonna you're you're going to meet the representative. When you

866
00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:43,480
Speaker 1: meet somebody that's the representative, that's not the person, you

867
00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:47,680
Speaker 1: gotta give it at least three to six months to

868
00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:50,400
Speaker 1: really for that person to come out. Now, if that

869
00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:52,640
Speaker 1: person is real, you're gonna get it in two months,

870
00:51:53,520 --> 00:51:57,040
Speaker 1: because they're gonna tell you if you're doing something they

871
00:51:57,120 --> 00:52:00,479
Speaker 1: don't like, they're gonna eventually stop smiling as saying okay,

872
00:52:00,520 --> 00:52:02,640
Speaker 1: you know, but I don't like to do that again.

873
00:52:04,480 --> 00:52:06,759
Speaker 1: So what is some advice you would give a young

874
00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:10,359
Speaker 1: women in regards to understanding themselves and challenges that come

875
00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:15,840
Speaker 1: with life. Challenge yourself all the time. Any time I

876
00:52:16,080 --> 00:52:18,520
Speaker 1: saw you challenge And the thing about it is is

877
00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:22,440
Speaker 1: that I would say, especially young black women, we gotta

878
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:27,000
Speaker 1: try everything. We gotta try everything. I'm saying we like,

879
00:52:27,080 --> 00:52:30,440
Speaker 1: I'm still young, but I'm saying but no, no, I'm saying,

880
00:52:30,520 --> 00:52:34,719
Speaker 1: like your ladies saying, your twenties and thirties, this is

881
00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:38,160
Speaker 1: the time to try everything, no matter what it is.

882
00:52:38,560 --> 00:52:41,319
Speaker 1: If you know, if you you want to get out

883
00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:46,800
Speaker 1: and try a different career, take online classes, try everything,

884
00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:49,919
Speaker 1: because at the end of the day, that's what makes

885
00:52:49,960 --> 00:52:53,080
Speaker 1: the difference. You get. Like you said, you have an

886
00:52:53,239 --> 00:52:57,480
Speaker 1: NBA today, that might be the thing that's working for you.

887
00:52:58,320 --> 00:52:59,920
Speaker 1: Next week, you might decide you going to be a

888
00:53:00,040 --> 00:53:04,920
Speaker 1: firefighter and somebody else said, well what it she has

889
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:08,479
Speaker 1: an NBA. But you might have gotten the NBA because

890
00:53:08,520 --> 00:53:12,200
Speaker 1: somebody else told you that's what you should do. May

891
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:16,680
Speaker 1: not have been your dream, but you know you might

892
00:53:16,719 --> 00:53:20,680
Speaker 1: be that person in the family. Hence my son. He's

893
00:53:20,719 --> 00:53:23,920
Speaker 1: the first person in our family to have a graduate degree.

894
00:53:24,320 --> 00:53:26,680
Speaker 1: And I know a lot of the reason why he

895
00:53:26,880 --> 00:53:31,680
Speaker 1: has a graduate degree is because for me, once he

896
00:53:31,880 --> 00:53:33,719
Speaker 1: talked about it, I was like, come on, do it,

897
00:53:34,760 --> 00:53:37,200
Speaker 1: don't don't you know, just do it now. He might

898
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:39,279
Speaker 1: have like, I don't don't know if I really want

899
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:42,640
Speaker 1: to do that, but I know for him it was

900
00:53:42,760 --> 00:53:47,120
Speaker 1: important that he could say, you know, my family, I

901
00:53:47,280 --> 00:53:50,920
Speaker 1: got it. So I mean, I just say, try everything,

902
00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:56,239
Speaker 1: try everything, don't don't don't stop, try everything. What's an

903
00:53:56,239 --> 00:53:57,759
Speaker 1: advice you would have gave you a thirty three year

904
00:53:57,760 --> 00:54:01,359
Speaker 1: old self. I'm thirty three, so my thirty three year

905
00:54:01,400 --> 00:54:03,440
Speaker 1: old self let me see my thirty three year old

906
00:54:03,480 --> 00:54:06,440
Speaker 1: solf and I'm gonna tell you I had a persona

907
00:54:06,440 --> 00:54:10,040
Speaker 1: of the way that I did things, and you know,

908
00:54:10,120 --> 00:54:14,759
Speaker 1: the way you just love my thirty three year old self.

909
00:54:15,040 --> 00:54:19,759
Speaker 1: I would have probably because let me see, thirty three,

910
00:54:19,960 --> 00:54:24,000
Speaker 1: I had had my last child. Yeah, four years I have.

911
00:54:24,120 --> 00:54:27,319
Speaker 1: They're all two years apart. So I had them, they're

912
00:54:27,320 --> 00:54:31,080
Speaker 1: all two years apart. This year there'll be what thirty,

913
00:54:32,880 --> 00:54:37,719
Speaker 1: thirty one, nine, yea, yeah, but they're all three years ago.

914
00:54:37,719 --> 00:54:41,000
Speaker 1: They're all two years apart. I probably would have at

915
00:54:41,080 --> 00:54:45,600
Speaker 1: thirty three start living for me. I would have stopped

916
00:54:45,640 --> 00:54:49,600
Speaker 1: focusing so much on them and started living for me.

917
00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:56,719
Speaker 1: I you know, my oldest son is thirty one, thank you. UM.

918
00:54:57,680 --> 00:55:00,279
Speaker 1: I stopped going to school when I was pregnant with him,

919
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:05,960
Speaker 1: and I hadn't gone back then. When I got my

920
00:55:06,080 --> 00:55:11,399
Speaker 1: baby was ten, my goal was I'm gonna start school back,

921
00:55:11,680 --> 00:55:13,960
Speaker 1: and I got two more children. Do you think you

922
00:55:14,040 --> 00:55:19,040
Speaker 1: needed that push? I think I need I still need

923
00:55:19,120 --> 00:55:23,400
Speaker 1: the push, but now my push is different for me.

924
00:55:24,280 --> 00:55:27,719
Speaker 1: I don't think. I think I I focused so much

925
00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:31,640
Speaker 1: on being a parent that I really lost desterret in

926
00:55:31,680 --> 00:55:34,879
Speaker 1: the mix of all this. You know, I stopped going

927
00:55:34,920 --> 00:55:38,200
Speaker 1: to college, I stopped doing but you know, I don't

928
00:55:38,280 --> 00:55:42,879
Speaker 1: have that regret now. No, then I didn't have the red,

929
00:55:42,960 --> 00:55:45,960
Speaker 1: but I do have a regret now because I wish

930
00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:49,719
Speaker 1: I would have not stopped. I wish I would have

931
00:55:50,320 --> 00:55:52,800
Speaker 1: also said, you know what, I'm going to go to

932
00:55:52,920 --> 00:55:57,880
Speaker 1: school with them. Yeah, although I have a baby, because

933
00:55:57,920 --> 00:56:02,080
Speaker 1: I had a baby, think it was sable At the time,

934
00:56:02,160 --> 00:56:04,719
Speaker 1: I didn't. I thought it was just so hard, you know.

935
00:56:05,040 --> 00:56:10,160
Speaker 1: And then for me, unfortunately I had young children, you know,

936
00:56:10,560 --> 00:56:14,800
Speaker 1: and stair steps, so every time one stopped doing something,

937
00:56:15,680 --> 00:56:18,040
Speaker 1: the next one was still you know, still doing it.

938
00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:20,040
Speaker 1: You know, I get one out of diapers, I still

939
00:56:20,080 --> 00:56:21,840
Speaker 1: got one of two in diapers, or you know what

940
00:56:21,920 --> 00:56:25,640
Speaker 1: I'm saying. So I wish I would have fought for myself,

941
00:56:25,719 --> 00:56:28,600
Speaker 1: to push more for me, you know, I think I

942
00:56:28,680 --> 00:56:32,000
Speaker 1: think that's what I would have done. Do you wish

943
00:56:32,040 --> 00:56:33,279
Speaker 1: that you would have a wait to have kids a

944
00:56:33,320 --> 00:56:38,480
Speaker 1: little bit later? Yes? Yeah, yeah, I wish I would

945
00:56:38,520 --> 00:56:42,520
Speaker 1: have been more secure, more secure in my life as

946
00:56:42,640 --> 00:56:49,200
Speaker 1: far as you know, my job, my stability. But you know,

947
00:56:49,480 --> 00:56:51,800
Speaker 1: I grew up with my kids in a lot of ways,

948
00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:54,200
Speaker 1: you know. But I do wish I wish I would

949
00:56:54,239 --> 00:56:56,640
Speaker 1: have waited, you know. And then, like I said, I

950
00:56:56,800 --> 00:56:59,759
Speaker 1: had kids, so many. You know, at the time, I

951
00:57:00,040 --> 00:57:03,640
Speaker 1: had so many children. I had four children, you know,

952
00:57:04,680 --> 00:57:08,400
Speaker 1: in my thirties. You know, so you're saying my thirty

953
00:57:08,480 --> 00:57:12,919
Speaker 1: three year old self, Yeah, it would have definitely been wait,

954
00:57:13,239 --> 00:57:20,919
Speaker 1: wait to have kids like late thirties. I think that's

955
00:57:21,040 --> 00:57:23,200
Speaker 1: I think that's a good thing. And I think the

956
00:57:23,360 --> 00:57:28,160
Speaker 1: thing about it is you want to have enough time

957
00:57:28,280 --> 00:57:31,160
Speaker 1: to still you. You got to enjoy your life before

958
00:57:31,240 --> 00:57:34,640
Speaker 1: you started trying to incorporate something else into your life.

959
00:57:35,440 --> 00:57:39,720
Speaker 1: You know, traveling those now now that's the one thing

960
00:57:39,840 --> 00:57:43,720
Speaker 1: that I do see, Um, young people travel so much now.

961
00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:49,080
Speaker 1: I've never started being able to travel to do things

962
00:57:49,560 --> 00:57:54,120
Speaker 1: until I actually, what's later in life, when I've heard

963
00:57:54,280 --> 00:57:57,800
Speaker 1: fifty is when I actually decided that, you know what,

964
00:57:58,360 --> 00:58:02,640
Speaker 1: now it's important for me, m you know, now it's

965
00:58:02,720 --> 00:58:06,120
Speaker 1: important for me to have that part of my life.

966
00:58:06,200 --> 00:58:11,000
Speaker 1: So yes, wait, kissing you have the opportunity to have it.

967
00:58:12,640 --> 00:58:15,800
Speaker 1: I do wish I would have weight so I have

968
00:58:15,920 --> 00:58:19,480
Speaker 1: like a growing male listenership. So what's an advice you

969
00:58:19,520 --> 00:58:21,640
Speaker 1: would give to the men out there? I don't only

970
00:58:21,680 --> 00:58:24,040
Speaker 1: say another word, but I respect what you want to say.

971
00:58:24,080 --> 00:58:28,480
Speaker 1: The word. Yeah, you could have said it if you

972
00:58:28,600 --> 00:58:41,920
Speaker 1: want it. Um, I'm gonna say I think right now,

973
00:58:42,120 --> 00:58:44,800
Speaker 1: everybody keeps talking about where is our next leader is

974
00:58:44,840 --> 00:58:49,360
Speaker 1: going to come from? And I think our young men

975
00:58:50,160 --> 00:58:54,920
Speaker 1: have to start educating themselves more about politics and be

976
00:58:55,080 --> 00:58:57,400
Speaker 1: the change that you want to see. And I don't

977
00:58:57,440 --> 00:58:59,720
Speaker 1: want to be cliche about that, but I want to

978
00:58:59,760 --> 00:59:02,760
Speaker 1: be serious about that. If you're tired of the white

979
00:59:02,800 --> 00:59:05,880
Speaker 1: cops pulling you over, then you be a good black cop.

980
00:59:06,320 --> 00:59:08,280
Speaker 1: If you're tired to go on the court and the

981
00:59:08,360 --> 00:59:12,120
Speaker 1: white judge is telling you, you know what is going

982
00:59:12,160 --> 00:59:14,360
Speaker 1: to happen in your life, then you go to law

983
00:59:14,440 --> 00:59:17,720
Speaker 1: school and you become a judge. You know. I think

984
00:59:17,880 --> 00:59:23,360
Speaker 1: that's the biggest thing. Everybody can't be a rapper. Everybody

985
00:59:23,480 --> 00:59:26,680
Speaker 1: can be a basketball player, everybody can be a baseball player.

986
00:59:26,960 --> 00:59:31,680
Speaker 1: Everybody can't play tennis. But if you put something in

987
00:59:31,760 --> 00:59:34,240
Speaker 1: your mind, that's something that nobody can take from you.

988
00:59:35,400 --> 00:59:42,120
Speaker 1: So education and generational wealth, that's that's what's important. If

989
00:59:42,200 --> 00:59:44,360
Speaker 1: you don't I'm not saying that everybody is set out

990
00:59:44,440 --> 00:59:47,120
Speaker 1: to go to college to be that, then you become

991
00:59:47,160 --> 00:59:51,800
Speaker 1: a contractor, you become a builder because you have a

992
00:59:51,920 --> 00:59:53,920
Speaker 1: lot of you have a lot of white man I'm

993
00:59:53,960 --> 00:59:56,400
Speaker 1: in real estate. You have a lot of white men,

994
00:59:56,880 --> 01:00:05,160
Speaker 1: what high school performers, their own construction come and then

995
01:00:05,480 --> 01:00:09,800
Speaker 1: they'll get someone to front their possible But see, we

996
01:00:09,880 --> 01:00:13,720
Speaker 1: don't know how to work the same effort. Because if

997
01:00:13,880 --> 01:00:16,560
Speaker 1: I say, then I'm gonna get someone to work to

998
01:00:16,800 --> 01:00:19,760
Speaker 1: front you a company, but then I'm gonna then you're

999
01:00:19,800 --> 01:00:22,640
Speaker 1: gonna take the money and you're gonna show vote. You're

1000
01:00:22,640 --> 01:00:24,920
Speaker 1: gonna go buy this bigger car. You're gonna do this,

1001
01:00:25,040 --> 01:00:27,440
Speaker 1: You're gonna do that, whereas all they're gonna do is

1002
01:00:27,520 --> 01:00:31,760
Speaker 1: stash their money and move their money around. Stop trying

1003
01:00:31,800 --> 01:00:35,959
Speaker 1: to put everything that you have to be flashed. That's

1004
01:00:36,080 --> 01:00:40,040
Speaker 1: that's my that's my thing that I just figure out

1005
01:00:40,080 --> 01:00:44,000
Speaker 1: ways to build your community. And I'm not saying because

1006
01:00:44,320 --> 01:00:46,720
Speaker 1: you see where I live. I don't live in the city,

1007
01:00:47,600 --> 01:00:50,320
Speaker 1: but you're a nice house, y'all. I don't thank you,

1008
01:00:51,080 --> 01:00:56,160
Speaker 1: but you know little in the backyard. Um. But no,

1009
01:00:56,360 --> 01:00:59,600
Speaker 1: I think generational wealth. I think that's and I say

1010
01:00:59,640 --> 01:01:03,480
Speaker 1: that for or males and females figure out how to

1011
01:01:03,640 --> 01:01:07,160
Speaker 1: start putting money into your own family, because if you

1012
01:01:07,320 --> 01:01:12,240
Speaker 1: start building upon your family, you help your community and

1013
01:01:12,360 --> 01:01:17,400
Speaker 1: you help your community. Real estate you know, financial exact.

1014
01:01:17,520 --> 01:01:20,560
Speaker 1: There's so many different realms of figuring out how to

1015
01:01:20,680 --> 01:01:25,600
Speaker 1: make a change and truly learn right. You know, that's

1016
01:01:25,760 --> 01:01:28,440
Speaker 1: that would be the most important thing to me, you know,

1017
01:01:29,040 --> 01:01:33,080
Speaker 1: seeing young people, please figure it out. You want to change,

1018
01:01:33,320 --> 01:01:36,880
Speaker 1: be to change. Do you feel like as you got older,

1019
01:01:36,920 --> 01:01:38,840
Speaker 1: do you feel like Tom is going like this for you?

1020
01:01:39,440 --> 01:01:40,760
Speaker 1: And the only reason why I asked because I was

1021
01:01:40,800 --> 01:01:43,240
Speaker 1: having this conversation with my one of my best friend's

1022
01:01:43,320 --> 01:01:47,240
Speaker 1: mom and we've been best friends since we were seventeen eighteen,

1023
01:01:47,680 --> 01:01:50,320
Speaker 1: and I remember like seeing her mom in certain ways

1024
01:01:50,320 --> 01:01:52,280
Speaker 1: of seeing her now I just like, wow, like I

1025
01:01:52,320 --> 01:01:55,040
Speaker 1: feel like Tom, has this went by so fast? Well,

1026
01:01:55,080 --> 01:01:57,560
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you, once you get to a certain point,

1027
01:01:57,720 --> 01:02:00,040
Speaker 1: like you said, your thirties, okay, your thirties, man, you

1028
01:02:00,080 --> 01:02:01,880
Speaker 1: think you could do everything. I got time. I don't know,

1029
01:02:02,000 --> 01:02:05,520
Speaker 1: I don't care, I don't be tired. You know, you

1030
01:02:05,640 --> 01:02:08,320
Speaker 1: get to your forties and you start thinking about things differently.

1031
01:02:08,760 --> 01:02:11,520
Speaker 1: And I'm in my fifties, and I will tell you,

1032
01:02:11,720 --> 01:02:14,720
Speaker 1: I do feel like time is going by, but I

1033
01:02:14,800 --> 01:02:18,280
Speaker 1: think it's a good thing. Right now now, I feel

1034
01:02:18,360 --> 01:02:21,600
Speaker 1: so good, I feel so secured. There's things that I

1035
01:02:21,680 --> 01:02:24,280
Speaker 1: still want to do, but I don't have that. Like,

1036
01:02:24,920 --> 01:02:30,280
Speaker 1: what was me feeling anxious in my younger years because

1037
01:02:30,280 --> 01:02:32,360
Speaker 1: I always felt like I was anxious. I gotta do this,

1038
01:02:32,720 --> 01:02:34,360
Speaker 1: I gotta make sure I'm there. I gotta make sure

1039
01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:38,040
Speaker 1: I'm there like that sometimes because you're trying to do everything,

1040
01:02:38,640 --> 01:02:42,240
Speaker 1: and you should because you're in the age. But when

1041
01:02:42,320 --> 01:02:44,880
Speaker 1: you get to a certain point in life, and now

1042
01:02:45,200 --> 01:02:46,920
Speaker 1: you know, I used to hear older people say you

1043
01:02:47,000 --> 01:02:49,760
Speaker 1: get to that sweet spot. I'm getting to my sweet

1044
01:02:49,800 --> 01:02:53,000
Speaker 1: spot in my life that I'm I'm good, you know.

1045
01:02:53,280 --> 01:02:55,160
Speaker 1: So I just want to find me a man. But

1046
01:02:58,600 --> 01:03:00,400
Speaker 1: but put it out the manifest the type of that

1047
01:03:00,520 --> 01:03:03,520
Speaker 1: you're looking for. Okay, I'm gonna need him gonna be

1048
01:03:03,720 --> 01:03:08,400
Speaker 1: so sufficient. Yes, I'm gonna need him to want to travel.

1049
01:03:09,080 --> 01:03:11,880
Speaker 1: And I'm on his kids to be grown too. Yeah,

1050
01:03:11,960 --> 01:03:17,280
Speaker 1: we don't need we don't want no issues. We don't

1051
01:03:17,280 --> 01:03:19,920
Speaker 1: want no issues. And you want him to be spiritually

1052
01:03:20,160 --> 01:03:23,520
Speaker 1: spiritually and you want you know, people say kill me like,

1053
01:03:23,640 --> 01:03:26,280
Speaker 1: oh you know church. No, I'm not not about that.

1054
01:03:26,920 --> 01:03:29,800
Speaker 1: I need you to know your spiritual knowledge. I'm gonna

1055
01:03:29,840 --> 01:03:32,800
Speaker 1: need you to know your spiritual self. I'm gonna need

1056
01:03:32,840 --> 01:03:36,200
Speaker 1: you to understand that you don't. You could pick up

1057
01:03:36,240 --> 01:03:38,400
Speaker 1: the book and get your word to say where I

1058
01:03:38,440 --> 01:03:40,840
Speaker 1: could get that. You know, you're gonna have to have

1059
01:03:41,000 --> 01:03:44,040
Speaker 1: some values and goals and like you gotta have a dollar.

1060
01:03:44,360 --> 01:03:47,160
Speaker 1: There you go, there you got. So you ain't got

1061
01:03:47,200 --> 01:03:48,920
Speaker 1: all of the above. When I reach out to me

1062
01:03:50,680 --> 01:03:53,560
Speaker 1: because we need to find mom. Man, it's gonna take

1063
01:03:53,600 --> 01:03:56,200
Speaker 1: care of her coming to the younger babies. Come on,

1064
01:03:56,360 --> 01:03:59,120
Speaker 1: let's go. Um, last, not least, you pretty much touched

1065
01:03:59,120 --> 01:04:04,240
Speaker 1: on this already. But do you have any regrets? No regrets,

1066
01:04:05,160 --> 01:04:09,080
Speaker 1: no regrets outside of I wish I would not would

1067
01:04:09,120 --> 01:04:11,240
Speaker 1: have put it out there that I wouldn't get married.

1068
01:04:11,960 --> 01:04:14,400
Speaker 1: You know, so next time I come up, you're gonna

1069
01:04:14,400 --> 01:04:17,920
Speaker 1: be engaged. Okay, okay, so early in life. Um, but

1070
01:04:18,120 --> 01:04:20,880
Speaker 1: you know what, I looked at it as my life.

1071
01:04:21,280 --> 01:04:24,240
Speaker 1: You know, they say the song goes when I looked

1072
01:04:24,280 --> 01:04:27,080
Speaker 1: back over my life, I have a testimony, But I

1073
01:04:27,160 --> 01:04:30,360
Speaker 1: think I do. You know, I love my life. I

1074
01:04:30,520 --> 01:04:33,720
Speaker 1: love my you know what I've created for myself. And

1075
01:04:34,000 --> 01:04:36,560
Speaker 1: every day I know it gets better, you know. So

1076
01:04:36,720 --> 01:04:39,360
Speaker 1: I know I'm still a work in progress, and every

1077
01:04:39,440 --> 01:04:41,720
Speaker 1: day and you know, I'm searching for a different goal

1078
01:04:41,880 --> 01:04:44,320
Speaker 1: and you know what, let's conquer that. Let's do that.

1079
01:04:44,800 --> 01:04:47,080
Speaker 1: So I have not regrets, just some things I wish

1080
01:04:47,120 --> 01:04:49,800
Speaker 1: I would have done a little bit different, but no regrets.

1081
01:04:51,120 --> 01:04:55,120
Speaker 1: Well I feel inspired. I like talking to older women

1082
01:04:55,120 --> 01:04:56,920
Speaker 1: because I always feel like I see myself and now

1083
01:04:57,560 --> 01:05:00,520
Speaker 1: and then sense. So I appreciate it. You were touched

1084
01:05:00,560 --> 01:05:04,080
Speaker 1: on everything. I miss anything I don't know, I hope,

1085
01:05:04,160 --> 01:05:06,920
Speaker 1: so you know what, I didn't know what all you

1086
01:05:07,000 --> 01:05:09,880
Speaker 1: would want to know about me? Definitely anything that I

1087
01:05:09,880 --> 01:05:15,240
Speaker 1: should have known about you. No, no, I don't think

1088
01:05:15,320 --> 01:05:19,439
Speaker 1: I'm that unique. I think more. But no, I'm gonna

1089
01:05:19,520 --> 01:05:22,000
Speaker 1: say this, and I would say this to your listeners.

1090
01:05:23,680 --> 01:05:28,640
Speaker 1: Figure out how you can help yourself help another person.

1091
01:05:30,600 --> 01:05:33,040
Speaker 1: I think if we go back to the core values

1092
01:05:33,360 --> 01:05:38,040
Speaker 1: of helping ourselves figure out how to help another person,

1093
01:05:38,680 --> 01:05:41,080
Speaker 1: some of the things that we see within our own

1094
01:05:41,240 --> 01:05:48,080
Speaker 1: community would be wiped away. You know, there there's where

1095
01:05:48,160 --> 01:05:52,760
Speaker 1: are our big mamas? You know, as you're saying, you

1096
01:05:52,840 --> 01:05:55,480
Speaker 1: know you like talking to older people. I have a

1097
01:05:55,640 --> 01:05:59,800
Speaker 1: friend who's in her seventies, and there was times when

1098
01:06:00,160 --> 01:06:02,520
Speaker 1: when you know, I was going along. Now she's only

1099
01:06:03,000 --> 01:06:07,240
Speaker 1: I think she's probably twenty seven years older. Than me.

1100
01:06:08,120 --> 01:06:11,840
Speaker 1: But she and I can have conversations along the way,

1101
01:06:12,520 --> 01:06:15,400
Speaker 1: and so now when I asked her or call her

1102
01:06:15,440 --> 01:06:19,200
Speaker 1: about something, she can really give me some information from

1103
01:06:19,560 --> 01:06:23,880
Speaker 1: self knowledge. I think that's what a lot of you need,

1104
01:06:24,040 --> 01:06:27,320
Speaker 1: a mentor of life. You know, everybody looks for a

1105
01:06:27,400 --> 01:06:29,880
Speaker 1: mentor and everything else. You need to have some people

1106
01:06:29,960 --> 01:06:32,680
Speaker 1: that you can go to that can say, girl, I've

1107
01:06:32,680 --> 01:06:35,040
Speaker 1: been there, done there, done that, got the T shirt.

1108
01:06:35,880 --> 01:06:39,560
Speaker 1: You know, you don't have to marry, you don't have

1109
01:06:39,680 --> 01:06:41,280
Speaker 1: to recreate the will. Let me tell you what this

1110
01:06:41,360 --> 01:06:45,040
Speaker 1: will looks like. I think that's what everybody should do.

1111
01:06:45,240 --> 01:06:47,920
Speaker 1: Find somebody in the world that you can say, you

1112
01:06:48,000 --> 01:06:50,200
Speaker 1: know what they've been through some things. But then we

1113
01:06:50,320 --> 01:06:54,520
Speaker 1: as older people also have to talk to you in

1114
01:06:54,640 --> 01:06:57,120
Speaker 1: a matter of not I told you to do this.

1115
01:06:57,640 --> 01:07:00,600
Speaker 1: We need to talk to you, Hey, I been there.

1116
01:07:01,560 --> 01:07:03,720
Speaker 1: And then I can't want to be in the same

1117
01:07:03,840 --> 01:07:07,560
Speaker 1: space that you're in at my age group. I can't

1118
01:07:07,560 --> 01:07:10,520
Speaker 1: be in the bar with you trying to be in

1119
01:07:10,600 --> 01:07:13,560
Speaker 1: my age to tell you what you shouldn't do. Everybody

1120
01:07:13,640 --> 01:07:16,840
Speaker 1: got to know their place. Everybody got to know their place,

1121
01:07:17,120 --> 01:07:20,080
Speaker 1: and so we all have things that we need to

1122
01:07:20,280 --> 01:07:25,000
Speaker 1: do in our own category because I can't want to

1123
01:07:25,080 --> 01:07:27,680
Speaker 1: run with you when you run with me. But I'm

1124
01:07:27,680 --> 01:07:32,720
Speaker 1: gonna tell you what you should do. I agree, Day'll

1125
01:07:32,800 --> 01:07:35,920
Speaker 1: have it like for a mentor, I agree. I have

1126
01:07:35,960 --> 01:07:39,360
Speaker 1: a couple of Yeah. My therapist, she's an older black woman,

1127
01:07:39,440 --> 01:07:41,960
Speaker 1: that's my girl, like, yeah, I can keep with her

1128
01:07:42,000 --> 01:07:45,320
Speaker 1: a lot. And I have like my best friends, moms

1129
01:07:45,360 --> 01:07:48,320
Speaker 1: and stuff. And then also very spiritual song that's how

1130
01:07:48,400 --> 01:07:51,200
Speaker 1: to God in my grandma A lots of yea, yeah,

1131
01:07:51,960 --> 01:07:53,800
Speaker 1: I mean. And the thing about it is, like you say,

1132
01:07:53,920 --> 01:07:57,320
Speaker 1: talking to God, you gotta be open to receive. That's

1133
01:07:57,360 --> 01:08:00,440
Speaker 1: true because we you know what. It always kills me

1134
01:08:00,600 --> 01:08:02,880
Speaker 1: when I hear people say I prayed about it. I

1135
01:08:02,960 --> 01:08:05,640
Speaker 1: prayed about it, and then you guys talking about the

1136
01:08:05,720 --> 01:08:07,840
Speaker 1: same thing. But how are you? How are you gonna

1137
01:08:07,840 --> 01:08:10,120
Speaker 1: do that? Because God will say, if you don't give

1138
01:08:10,200 --> 01:08:14,080
Speaker 1: me something, give it to me, don't go on. The

1139
01:08:14,200 --> 01:08:19,160
Speaker 1: same cannot be cannot be together because once you say

1140
01:08:19,240 --> 01:08:21,840
Speaker 1: you've given it to him, then you have to give

1141
01:08:21,960 --> 01:08:25,240
Speaker 1: him time to talk to you. But if you say

1142
01:08:25,280 --> 01:08:27,680
Speaker 1: I've given it to him, and then every time you

1143
01:08:27,760 --> 01:08:30,479
Speaker 1: know I see you, you're telling me the same story. Well, girl,

1144
01:08:30,479 --> 01:08:32,120
Speaker 1: if are you giving it to me. Now you gave

1145
01:08:32,160 --> 01:08:37,720
Speaker 1: it to God. Yeah, that's a fact, because you know

1146
01:08:37,920 --> 01:08:41,000
Speaker 1: we we we repeat the same cycle. Oh you know

1147
01:08:41,439 --> 01:08:45,599
Speaker 1: sometimes it's just like you, you're patient, but you can't

1148
01:08:45,800 --> 01:08:49,960
Speaker 1: and you can't. You know, it's the little scenarios, say

1149
01:08:50,080 --> 01:08:53,400
Speaker 1: Rome wasn't built in a day. You can't, you can't

1150
01:08:53,479 --> 01:08:56,600
Speaker 1: take it to Okay, well I prayed about this and

1151
01:08:56,720 --> 01:08:58,800
Speaker 1: I know God gonna work yourself. But then when I

1152
01:08:58,920 --> 01:09:01,000
Speaker 1: call you on the hay girl, how you doing girl?

1153
01:09:01,200 --> 01:09:03,880
Speaker 1: You know I'm just the way you got Damn. It's

1154
01:09:04,000 --> 01:09:08,280
Speaker 1: like me, my now, I only do that with my goals.

1155
01:09:09,360 --> 01:09:13,480
Speaker 1: Well you also kind of but but you can remind

1156
01:09:13,560 --> 01:09:16,439
Speaker 1: yourself of your goals. But if you're worried about your goals,

1157
01:09:17,760 --> 01:09:21,040
Speaker 1: you know, every day you should have a goal. Every day.

1158
01:09:21,080 --> 01:09:23,040
Speaker 1: You should have a goal to change and do something

1159
01:09:23,080 --> 01:09:26,040
Speaker 1: a little different. But you can't worry about it. You

1160
01:09:26,160 --> 01:09:28,920
Speaker 1: may you may have a goal to you know, there's

1161
01:09:28,960 --> 01:09:30,880
Speaker 1: a house down the street that you want to buy,

1162
01:09:31,600 --> 01:09:33,880
Speaker 1: and Okay, I'm gonna put a contract in on that house.

1163
01:09:33,960 --> 01:09:36,560
Speaker 1: And on on Thursday, I'm gonna go down there and

1164
01:09:36,600 --> 01:09:39,479
Speaker 1: put that contract on the house. So Wednesday you come

1165
01:09:39,520 --> 01:09:41,960
Speaker 1: by that house and you see a soul sign on it.

1166
01:09:43,320 --> 01:09:45,920
Speaker 1: Damn I missed that opportunity. But that just means that

1167
01:09:46,000 --> 01:09:48,360
Speaker 1: opportunity wasn't for you. That mean that he's just let

1168
01:09:48,560 --> 01:09:52,440
Speaker 1: you know it's something bigger and better. Every missed opportunity

1169
01:09:53,120 --> 01:09:56,400
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that it was that was the opportunity for you.

1170
01:09:57,320 --> 01:09:59,960
Speaker 1: You just have to look at the bigger picture of it, like, okay,

1171
01:10:00,000 --> 01:10:02,640
Speaker 1: about that one wasn't for me, So that means, you know,

1172
01:10:03,080 --> 01:10:06,240
Speaker 1: let me keep looking because maybe the job's not gonna

1173
01:10:06,280 --> 01:10:07,640
Speaker 1: be here. They're getting ready to tell me to go

1174
01:10:07,840 --> 01:10:11,760
Speaker 1: someplace else. And if I locked myself down, then I'm

1175
01:10:11,840 --> 01:10:15,160
Speaker 1: stuck or I'm gonna messed up my credit or you

1176
01:10:15,240 --> 01:10:17,679
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. So you gotta look at things

1177
01:10:17,880 --> 01:10:22,200
Speaker 1: as a positive spin always like there's got to be

1178
01:10:22,280 --> 01:10:24,080
Speaker 1: a different plan in it. It's just got to be

1179
01:10:24,160 --> 01:10:27,760
Speaker 1: a different plan in it. But I enjoyed this conversation.

1180
01:10:27,840 --> 01:10:30,000
Speaker 1: I like to talk to you all day. So if

1181
01:10:30,000 --> 01:10:33,320
Speaker 1: you have any questions, comment, self concerns, men, have you

1182
01:10:33,439 --> 01:10:38,960
Speaker 1: returned me requirements, please email me at hello at the

1183
01:10:39,000 --> 01:10:43,360
Speaker 1: PhD podcast dot com And until next time, Later