Speaker 1: Hell I Suck At Dating with Deben Radio podcast. Hello everyone,
Speaker 1: welcome to a new episode of Help I Suck At Dating.
Speaker 1: My name is Jared Haben. I'm in studio with Easton
Speaker 1: Tory Dean. I think currently just parked uh the van,
Speaker 1: so he's right outside the building. He's crushing his way
Speaker 1: towards the studio as we speak. We asked you last
Speaker 1: week to send us emails, d m s and ask
Speaker 1: us questions on Instagram. We did not have a chance
Speaker 1: to get to it, but we are answering them today.
Speaker 1: Like I said, Dean will be here shortly, and we
Speaker 1: also have a very special guest in studio sitting right
Speaker 1: next to me. You know her from season twenty three
Speaker 1: of The Bachelor with Colton Underwood. It is Tracy sheep Off. Yeah,
Speaker 1: right of applause, everybody, I said to your last name,
Speaker 1: correct right chop off? Okay, great, how you doing, Tracy?
Speaker 1: Welcome to Help I Suck At Dating? Yeah, thanks for
Speaker 1: having me. I'm excited. I can't wait to talk about
Speaker 1: some dating. I know we're Do you know a thing
Speaker 1: or two about dating? Well, you did on reality TV,
Speaker 1: so you definitely are. I don't know if you want
Speaker 1: to call that dating. But sure, well I guess right
Speaker 1: if Dean and I did it and I'm married and
Speaker 1: he's in a relationship and we both still suck at dating,
Speaker 1: so maybe something's wrong with that. Um So how are you?
Speaker 1: What's what's new house things with you since being off
Speaker 1: the Bachelor? Um, it's good. You know, just kind of
Speaker 1: went back to my my life doing styling. And you're
Speaker 1: out here in l A right now. Right, I've been
Speaker 1: out here for a little over four years, so just
Speaker 1: celebrity styling, working in the industry, and this is your
Speaker 1: busy time of year, right is the busiest time of year.
Speaker 1: It's awards season. So I kind of been working every
Speaker 1: single day since what feels like the beginning of time? Yeah,
Speaker 1: since at least the beginning, But you've been working seven
Speaker 1: days a week, so that does feel like the beginning
Speaker 1: of time. Um. So what got you into fashion? Um? Honestly,
Speaker 1: as far back as I can remember, my grandmother on
Speaker 1: my mom's side, she was this amazing designer and seamstress,
Speaker 1: and I just kind of had a knock for it
Speaker 1: that I loved. I went to college for design and
Speaker 1: got into corporate fashion right afterwards in New York, city
Speaker 1: for close to a decade and then decided I wanted
Speaker 1: to get into styling and moved out here for a chain.
Speaker 1: So now that you're a stylist, do you judge everybody
Speaker 1: on their wardrobe? Like? Are you judging me from what
Speaker 1: I'm wearing right now? I think I actually just brought
Speaker 1: brand new Nike sneakers that I actually meant to compliment
Speaker 1: you on it. Was it a compliment? Or do I
Speaker 1: look like really white right now from wearing these things? Yeah? Great?
Speaker 1: It was honestly just searching for a bunch of Nikes
Speaker 1: for a client yesterday. So I was looking at so
Speaker 1: many sneakers yesterday. Do you think they go well with
Speaker 1: the jeans I'm wearing. I'm wearing blue jeans. I do. Actually,
Speaker 1: I think I think you look real put together. I'm
Speaker 1: stepping up my game. Speaking of put together, we have
Speaker 1: another beautiful guest that just joined us in studio on
Speaker 1: two crutches. It is Dean, Uncle, Ladies and John. I've
Speaker 1: interjected real quick, Tacy, I know and value your opinion
Speaker 1: on all things fashion, but something about air Force ones
Speaker 1: and a pair of jeans, I just don't really approve
Speaker 1: of it. What would I wear them with them with
Speaker 1: I think that they're just too big and bulky. In
Speaker 1: my personal they're strapped up though. This one is I'm
Speaker 1: I'm like a lowkey, I'm like a minimalist guy, so
Speaker 1: I think like bands, that's why you only wear sandals
Speaker 1: and sandals And obviously don't take my fashion advance because
Speaker 1: look what I wear on I mean, he's wearing sandals
Speaker 1: right now, Purple shorts, a black teeth. Look how many
Speaker 1: pockets I have in these shorts. That's a lot of
Speaker 1: popular place on these things. I don't know. I've never
Speaker 1: been a fan of the air Force one, so that's
Speaker 1: just my personal taste. How do we feel about pockets
Speaker 1: on the side of shorts like Dean's wearing right now,
Speaker 1: Let's just be clear, They're not on the side of shot.
Speaker 1: They're kind of like they're on the front. It's like
Speaker 1: a like the front side their cargo shorts. Yeah, cargoes
Speaker 1: are having a moment, right, Yeah they are. They're coming back.
Speaker 1: They are. Neither of you are wrong. See, I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm always five years behind the new fashion trends
Speaker 1: because in my head, I'm like, oh, cargo shorts, that's
Speaker 1: what I wore on seventeen. I don't wear those anymore,
Speaker 1: but now they're making a comeback. You say are making
Speaker 1: a comeback. They're making a comeback. And just to be clearly,
Speaker 1: there are no normal cargo shorts. These are some nice
Speaker 1: pastel purplet your egg color with velcrow pockets. I got
Speaker 1: a zipper pocket on my right quad over here, things,
Speaker 1: so many different things for someone that needs help carrying
Speaker 1: things because I'm unable to. These cargo shorts are lifesavers.
Speaker 1: Fashion well, Tracy, tell me, seeing how you are a
Speaker 1: stylist and this is a dating podcast, what do you
Speaker 1: think is a good outfit for first date? Okay, so
Speaker 1: this is tricky. I think let's do women first and
Speaker 1: then Okay, so there's no right answer to this because
Speaker 1: my personal opinion, you should always wear exactly what feels
Speaker 1: like you do, not dress for what you think that
Speaker 1: the person is going to want to see. My personal
Speaker 1: go to is a pair of leather pants and usually
Speaker 1: like a white tea like what I'm wearing, or white
Speaker 1: tank to it. And honestly, usually guys always make a
Speaker 1: comment about the leather pants, but not a comment Jared,
Speaker 1: what would the comment be? They would look very nice?
Speaker 1: They usually touched them and they're like, are these I'm
Speaker 1: sorry they touched them the first date? Is it real
Speaker 1: or foe? Oh good, that's good. I have a fail
Speaker 1: other pants, I'll say it. Yeah. How do you feel
Speaker 1: about a guy touching your pants on the first date?
Speaker 1: It depends on it. If I like that. How far
Speaker 1: into the date they do they usually touch them? Mm hmm,
Speaker 1: first like quarter of the date, first quarters going well,
Speaker 1: if you got a leather pant touch in the first
Speaker 1: quarter of the date, that's going that's a good that's
Speaker 1: the second date of material, right. See what I did
Speaker 1: on first dates. I would never s first. I would
Speaker 1: wait until they touched me. They liked me, how I
Speaker 1: knew that if like they were if like the day
Speaker 1: was going well and they were talking to me and
Speaker 1: there was a moment of laughter and they reached out
Speaker 1: their hand and like tap my arm or something, I
Speaker 1: was like yeah, And then it's kind of cowardly though,
Speaker 1: you know, like what out like in middle school when
Speaker 1: when the guys are standing on one side and the
Speaker 1: girls are stand on the other side, and everyone's waiting
Speaker 1: for the other person to make the first move. Granted,
Speaker 1: I had to say I was on what I didn't
Speaker 1: know it was a date, but it was like a
Speaker 1: work dinner and the guy came over in sort of
Speaker 1: massaging my neck on the way to the bathroom, and
Speaker 1: that was unwarranted. So you should maybe sometimes wait until
Speaker 1: someone touches exactly, because the line between uh being having
Speaker 1: swag and being creepy is pretty gray for a guy,
Speaker 1: I think, did you really just say swag? Is that again?
Speaker 1: My five years behind that term? You are so lucky
Speaker 1: you're married because you don't have to date anyone any
Speaker 1: What would you say not swag? What would you say?
Speaker 1: Enlighten me? What do you guys say? Tracy? Are you
Speaker 1: you could be honest? You have to take a side
Speaker 1: right now. Yeah, I'm not going to say, haven't just
Speaker 1: remember who was on time? I haven't. I've definitely thrown
Speaker 1: out the word swag before, but it's not like a
Speaker 1: word I normally go okay, okay, it's like a special
Speaker 1: special time. So when you see a guy, for example, Dean, right,
Speaker 1: Dean walks around with a presence, he's good looking, he's charming.
Speaker 1: What would you describe Dean as not he has swag? Well,
Speaker 1: first and foremost, there are no words that can describe
Speaker 1: what I have here indescribable. No word reaches the level
Speaker 1: of what can be possibly describe. Just I just think
Speaker 1: has a thirty year old man. We should maybe drop
Speaker 1: the words swag thread one by the way, thank you
Speaker 1: very much. Wait, I'm confused right now, so you wouldn't.
Speaker 1: I'm truly confused. We don't describe, we don't use swag anymore.
Speaker 1: That's the thing of a relic of the past. I
Speaker 1: think it's been out for a while. Man, it's a
Speaker 1: very small window where it was like acceptable to say,
Speaker 1: and you were probably twenty two and drinking four local
Speaker 1: in college. Can I say one thing that makes me
Speaker 1: this conversation makes me so happy about and you're gonna
Speaker 1: laugh so hard. But in the original Superman, Clark Kent
Speaker 1: says swell and Lois Lane makes fun of him for
Speaker 1: it because she's like swell. A lot of people don't
Speaker 1: use that word anymore. So I feel like Clark Kent,
Speaker 1: thank you, guys. I appreciate it, even though I still
Speaker 1: don't understand swag is I feel like a very common
Speaker 1: term anyway? Moving on, what about a good first day
Speaker 1: outfit for a man? Tracy Ones flip flops obviously purple
Speaker 1: cargo shots and a black tea leather pants. Again little
Speaker 1: this on the first day, there's no question, and the
Speaker 1: girl would love it. Like a good black jean, like
Speaker 1: a nice bitted black jean, and maybe like a black shirt,
Speaker 1: white shirt, something that's kind of simple in a cool
Speaker 1: pair of cool pair of shoes. Yeah, there's no reason
Speaker 1: to like bust out of blazer, I throw out St.
Speaker 1: Laurent shoes. But that seems rude and unnecessary to tell
Speaker 1: everyone that they need to do that. It seems expensive.
Speaker 1: So have you Have you ever been on a date
Speaker 1: with someone that wasn't up to code in terms of
Speaker 1: style and then you're kind of like turned, like put
Speaker 1: off by it a little bit? Yeah? Yeah, are you like,
Speaker 1: are you like hyper aware of it because of your career?
Speaker 1: I am, and more so I was saying this shared earlier, like,
Speaker 1: you know, I have this idea in my head that
Speaker 1: the person that I want to be with has a
Speaker 1: slight interest in fashion, because that's a huge part of
Speaker 1: my life and it's something that I found over dating
Speaker 1: over the years. I can connect with guys on if
Speaker 1: they like fashion and I like how they dress, and
Speaker 1: that's an easier that's one more like thing I don't
Speaker 1: have to overcome with them. But at the same time,
Speaker 1: I mean, it's not that big of a deal, but
Speaker 1: I'm definitely not going to date someone who looks like
Speaker 1: they rolled out of like a dumpster. Can you give
Speaker 1: us your worst experience with like a first date or something?
Speaker 1: Was a guy that just wore something atrocious And granted,
Speaker 1: I'm sure regardless of who it is that he goes
Speaker 1: on a date with, like, if you're wearing something atrocious,
Speaker 1: whether you're a stylist or whatever else you could be,
Speaker 1: it's like, what are you doing? Aunt? I actually can't
Speaker 1: recall anyone I've got on a dately that was dressed atrociously,
Speaker 1: at least not that I can remember, right right, right, Well,
Speaker 1: that's probably a good thing, I think for guys. Uh
Speaker 1: and Dean is an example of this. Oh here we go. Nope,
Speaker 1: I thought of it. I thought of it. Sorry, I
Speaker 1: would have lost it if I had no, no, no no,
Speaker 1: no thought. Um okay, I was living back in New
Speaker 1: York City. I met this guy. He's also very tall,
Speaker 1: mind you, like probably close to seven ft tall and
Speaker 1: seven he was really probably like six seven, like a
Speaker 1: Knicks player, probably said no. He had just graduated from
Speaker 1: Harvard Business School. He started a men's fashion business randomly,
Speaker 1: and I showed up on the first date we had
Speaker 1: met watching one of the playoffs. It was a basketball game,
Speaker 1: I can't remember. And um, show up to the first
Speaker 1: day at his apartment and he is wearing American flag
Speaker 1: printed shorts that looked like a bathing suit. And I
Speaker 1: didn't know what to do, and I didn't know how
Speaker 1: to get out of there as fast as humanly possible,
Speaker 1: and where were you New York City? And like what
Speaker 1: was the like the situation. I went to his apartment
Speaker 1: to meet him, which also seemed kind of rude to
Speaker 1: me because I think that the guy should come to
Speaker 1: you on the first date, meet somewhere in the middle
Speaker 1: of me. Yes, of course in New York, like you
Speaker 1: should meet, especially on the first date. Never go to
Speaker 1: the guy's apartment. Yeah, that's probably. I mean, I've definitely
Speaker 1: made a few bad judgment calls in my time. That
Speaker 1: was definitely, well, we're glad you're here. Everybody listening, don't
Speaker 1: go to the guy's apartment first, dake. Um. Yeah, he
Speaker 1: like opened the door and he was literally wearing a
Speaker 1: man American flag shorts, and I was like, was he
Speaker 1: wearing a shirt? You think so you don't remember them?
Speaker 1: It was the honest, It sounds like he's straight off
Speaker 1: of like like vin your Vines commercial, Like, yeah, you
Speaker 1: know that Northeastern? Um? Yes, was he rang with cause shoes?
Speaker 1: And he tried to make me help him move his
Speaker 1: rug in his apartment because he had just my god,
Speaker 1: sounds like a kid. Did you get a second date
Speaker 1: the end of the day? Deserve one? Definitely didn't deserve one.
Speaker 1: This sounds like something Dean would do. Like I can
Speaker 1: imagine Klein coming over for the first day and be like, Hey,
Speaker 1: what's going on? Do you mind just helping me move
Speaker 1: my couch really quickly? I'll be honest, it doesn't sound
Speaker 1: like something that's beneath me. I probably have done something
Speaker 1: like that in the past, but again, women would love
Speaker 1: it to be like I would love nothing more than
Speaker 1: to help Dean move his couch right now. No. Um so, Tracy,
Speaker 1: obviously you were on season twenty three of The Bachelor.
Speaker 1: What made you want to go on The Bachelor in
Speaker 1: the first place? Um, I had never watched the show before.
Speaker 1: To be perfectly honest, did a friends on you up. No,
Speaker 1: I signed myself up. I was sitting at home one day.
Speaker 1: I think it was just like doing answering emails and
Speaker 1: started getting into a rabbit hole of reality television. UM
Speaker 1: castingans on websites randomly and saw The Bachelor and I
Speaker 1: at that point, I guess i'd been single for like,
Speaker 1: I how oldly when you went on thirty one? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think that's right. Thirty three now, um three? Yeah,
Speaker 1: you don't look at day over twenty six. I appreciate that,
Speaker 1: thank you. Um yeah, So I don't know. I saw
Speaker 1: The Bachelor pop up and one of my best friends
Speaker 1: always watched and I would have refused to watch with her,
Speaker 1: and I think a text him was like should I
Speaker 1: sign up for this? And she was like, go for it.
Speaker 1: I was like, alright, why not? Couldn't hurt. Honestly, every
Speaker 1: other day that was going on was failing. Yeah, what's
Speaker 1: the worse thing that could happen? You get on the show,
Speaker 1: and literally and you got on the show, So like
Speaker 1: the whole press of it went really fast. I forgot
Speaker 1: that I had even sent anything in and then I
Speaker 1: was on like a photo shoot. One day I got
Speaker 1: a phone call from casting and I honestly, like I
Speaker 1: had no idea what they were even talking about. Completely forgot.
Speaker 1: How long in between was it from you signing up
Speaker 1: to you getting the phone call? I think I signed
Speaker 1: up in January, maybe like late January. I got a
Speaker 1: call in more Okay, so not too long a couple
Speaker 1: of months. Are you watching this current season in The Bachelor?
Speaker 1: I am do you have any like weird PTSD watching?
Speaker 1: Because this is your first season watching after you were
Speaker 1: on it, right, um, I would say there's a bunch
Speaker 1: of different things in general to give me PTSD from
Speaker 1: just like working in this also anytime my mom is
Speaker 1: set that also does watching it. I'm like, god, like,
Speaker 1: how did I not see through that? I could have
Speaker 1: done that totally different? I noticed myself because I've been
Speaker 1: watching this season as well, and I'm like super critical
Speaker 1: of the women's fashion choices sometimes, and I can only
Speaker 1: imagine what someone like you must be going through too,
Speaker 1: because I'm like, why are you wearing that? Like that
Speaker 1: looks awful and it doesn't make any sense to me,
Speaker 1: and it's just like I don't I don't understand. It
Speaker 1: was like a big thing going on the show. I
Speaker 1: packed a lot of stuff like way too much stuff.
Speaker 1: How many bags did you bring? Um? I think I
Speaker 1: had like three, but one suitcase was totally shoes. I
Speaker 1: brought forty pairs of shoes and that was like a
Speaker 1: tiny amount prepared collection, prepared for what like three dates
Speaker 1: group dates. It's more than a lot of people. Uh yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean yes. I look at the clothes and I'm like,
Speaker 1: but it's more expected. That's true. I guess. I guess
Speaker 1: I just have a thing when people overdo it, and
Speaker 1: I think this season they're overdoing it a lot with
Speaker 1: their fashion choices. Yeah, Telestine, who is this person and
Speaker 1: what are they wearing? No, I'll say there was one
Speaker 1: specific dress at the group date last night that I
Speaker 1: was like, why is she wearing? Which you're talking? Please?
Speaker 1: Get no, I can't please, you have to please? Was
Speaker 1: it very sequence or at the group date Hannah Anne
Speaker 1: was wearing a very interesting time? You remember seeing Hannah
Speaker 1: and at the group date last night it was a top.
Speaker 1: Tory just informed us it was a top. Apparently I
Speaker 1: didn't see the bottom half. I just saw the top
Speaker 1: and she looked great. She always looks good. But she
Speaker 1: was wearing this dress, this top. I apologize, and I
Speaker 1: was like, what are you wearing? What are you talking about?
Speaker 1: What's this? What's the sequence that you're talking about? Because
Speaker 1: maybe I saw that really yette sequence. Do you know
Speaker 1: what a patte is? It's like a large sement. It
Speaker 1: was like I wish there was a camera on Dean
Speaker 1: in Mine's face when she said, pyette, are you gonna
Speaker 1: like on the floor? Very confused. My experience was funny
Speaker 1: because I packed a little and I was wearing the
Speaker 1: same thing over and over again, so it was like
Speaker 1: every time some I was like, wasn't Dean wearing that
Speaker 1: shirt last week? I was like, yeah, I didn't Dean
Speaker 1: wear that suit the last dresser. Yeah, I mean, isn't
Speaker 1: that like the last season of the Bachelorette where all
Speaker 1: the guys were like sharing, I wish you guys think
Speaker 1: I have bad fashion? Now? You should have seen me
Speaker 1: on the show and prior to the show. On the show,
Speaker 1: I wore a bright orange T shirt from express Men
Speaker 1: with I'm pretty sure like gray shorts. It was just
Speaker 1: not a good combo and the record, I don't think
Speaker 1: you have bad style now, thank you? Just making fun
Speaker 1: of my air forces the first time I'm trying something new,
Speaker 1: they look you can't even support me there. Clear, this
Speaker 1: is the first time you're wearing it. I'm keeping very clear,
Speaker 1: very very expensive. I just personally don't like air Force ones.
Speaker 1: They're big and bulky, and I'm a guy that likes
Speaker 1: short shorts and flip flop. Yeah, you show off the thighs.
Speaker 1: So it's not that I think you have bad style,
Speaker 1: it's just not something that I personally would wear. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's fair. I don't know. My heart's broken a little
Speaker 1: bit right now. Um. I love a Vans and I
Speaker 1: love an air Force. Thank you, Tracy. I appreciate it.
Speaker 1: So Tracy, you left the show single. Unfortunately, so begs
Speaker 1: the question, because we are on a dating podcast, do
Speaker 1: you still suck at dating? Or are you potentially talking
Speaker 1: to someone right now? I am potentially potentially talking to
Speaker 1: someone right Okay, that's very exciting news. Is it a
Speaker 1: potential boyfriend? Is it a boyfriend? Are The ironic part
Speaker 1: is he already was a boyfriend? My first boyfriend ever,
Speaker 1: first boyfriend ever? How old are seventeen? How long did
Speaker 1: you AZ date? A little under a year? It was
Speaker 1: year older and I went to college. Is that why
Speaker 1: it ended? Essentially? I mean the issues of like you're
Speaker 1: a freshman in college doing stuff, and he was a
Speaker 1: senior in high school like party and also and it
Speaker 1: just wasn't ye guys were young. How does this rekindling happen?
Speaker 1: So we've always been friends, and he lives in Boston,
Speaker 1: great city, where my sister also lives, and I was
Speaker 1: there in October visiting her, and the three of us
Speaker 1: went out to dinner one night and drinks and I
Speaker 1: don't know something. And him and I see each other
Speaker 1: anytime we're in the same city, but it's never like
Speaker 1: anything friends and I don't know something, just like sparked differently,
Speaker 1: I guess was the best way it was. The tequila
Speaker 1: must have been tequila. Definitely could have been tequila. And
Speaker 1: the fact that we were playing. We're at an arcade
Speaker 1: bar doing that basketball game and I was definitely winning.
Speaker 1: So he saw that and he was like, still got it.
Speaker 1: She still got that jump shot. Well, if there's one
Speaker 1: thing about reigniting a high school romance, it always helps
Speaker 1: when they live in a different city across the country. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so what's up with that? Are you going to do
Speaker 1: anything about have this terrible knack for getting into long
Speaker 1: distance relationship? You know, it's funny that we've had people
Speaker 1: on before where they're like every relationship it seems like
Speaker 1: it's always long distance. I just feel like sometimes people
Speaker 1: just I don't know, like you have the bug. I guess,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I say every time, I'm not going
Speaker 1: to do it again, and it just keeps happening. I
Speaker 1: don't know, but of course it happen again, and um,
Speaker 1: how long is this long distance relationship? Kind of talking October?
Speaker 1: Since October? Okay? Funny? Sorry, though, November rolls around. And
Speaker 1: was going to a Leonard Skinner concert in Florida with
Speaker 1: my sister and one of my college friends, and it
Speaker 1: was over Thanksgiving and this guy is a big fan,
Speaker 1: and I was like jokingly texting and was like, are
Speaker 1: you sure you don't want to come down to Florida
Speaker 1: and go to this concert? Within an hour, he walked
Speaker 1: a flight and came for all the things, and so
Speaker 1: all right, like this is like happening. So then went
Speaker 1: and saw him over Christmas as well at his parents house.
Speaker 1: And then he's coming out here for like a week
Speaker 1: in February. That's very exciting. I'm going there in March.
Speaker 1: And then he's coming to a wedding with me in April.
Speaker 1: That you guys have plans to like continue to see
Speaker 1: each other. I think that's kind of the only way
Speaker 1: that you can do it. You're gonna attempt a long
Speaker 1: distance like you have to try to like plan things
Speaker 1: out if you actually see it going everywhere. Yeah, I agree,
Speaker 1: you can't just yeah, I'll see you when I see you,
Speaker 1: I guess, and like nothing to look forward to otherwise.
Speaker 1: Are you pretty firmly rooted in Los Angeles so you
Speaker 1: would be willing to consider going to Boston? I mean,
Speaker 1: Boston is not my ideal city. It's to live in
Speaker 1: pretty bad city too. But I'm from New York and
Speaker 1: I love New York and I'd be happy to move
Speaker 1: back to New York. Right. Well, you got to keep
Speaker 1: us posted on what's going on with that. We're invested
Speaker 1: in this relationship now too, So you're gonna have to
Speaker 1: come back in April when he gets here. Maybe he
Speaker 1: could come in studio that'd be great, But that would
Speaker 1: be great. We're a little bit of an introvert. I
Speaker 1: don't know if you would like we love introverts, Tracy.
Speaker 1: Do you want to help us answer some listener emails
Speaker 1: for the listeners out there who all emailed us at
Speaker 1: I suck a dating at I heeart media dot com
Speaker 1: and d M does and asked the questions, asked us
Speaker 1: questions on Instagram, Lots of questions to get through, lots
Speaker 1: of anonymous emails, which we always love because those are
Speaker 1: the juiciest. Those are all coming up after this break.
Speaker 1: They are incredibly juicy and you're not gonna want to
Speaker 1: miss it. All right, and we are back, and as promised,
Speaker 1: we have the juiciest emails and questions sent in from
Speaker 1: you guys, our listeners. Uh, we either got emails that
Speaker 1: I suk at dating at iHeart media dot com or
Speaker 1: Jared's so lovingly asked the question on the Instagram page.
Speaker 1: I gotta be honest, I feel like I'm killing that
Speaker 1: Instagram page right now. Do you like the post I
Speaker 1: had yesterday? We ride together? We dad, it was a
Speaker 1: good every time. I I meant to say, I wanted
Speaker 1: to say yeah, sorry, I was trying to get your attention,
Speaker 1: but we just fist pumped. Two is really awkward, guys.
Speaker 1: I wish you were here to see that. Um. I
Speaker 1: was gonna write, we ride together, we crunched together. That's
Speaker 1: pretty good, and I wrote it and I forgot until
Speaker 1: like an hour later. I was like, I love how
Speaker 1: every time the podcast or the instagram gets brought up
Speaker 1: you always take it just a couple of minutes, just
Speaker 1: the two your own horn and be like it's going
Speaker 1: really well. Well, you know, it's funny. Last week we
Speaker 1: asked more people to follow us. We gained like three
Speaker 1: hundred followers, nice, just from last week. If you want
Speaker 1: to follow us, follow us, maybe that's another three right there. Again,
Speaker 1: it's at help I suck at dating. You can find
Speaker 1: us on Instagram again. Once again, I'm posting many pictures
Speaker 1: of Dean's face, so you're not gonna want to miss
Speaker 1: any one of them. Jared, since you asked the question
Speaker 1: on Instagram, let's uh, let's ask Tracy some questions from
Speaker 1: that instagram. Uh, some of the good ones that you
Speaker 1: got there, and then we can all kind of gang
Speaker 1: bang it and get these. That's an interesting way to
Speaker 1: describe it. Yeah, let's ask let's answer some questions from Okay. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so the first question it says, can you do a
Speaker 1: dating challenge and set someone up and make them go
Speaker 1: on a date. I'd like to see that and analyze
Speaker 1: what you think they did right and wrong. Do you
Speaker 1: think on the podcast that's a smart idea of Tracy
Speaker 1: to have a public day and then we publicly criticize
Speaker 1: it afterwards. We kinda does that on her podcast. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's true down to day. If you haven't listen to
Speaker 1: I know, well, I guess, I guess it's kind of
Speaker 1: like Bachelor. It's like the podcast version of The Bachelors.
Speaker 1: It was a great question for Tracy, given the fact
Speaker 1: that she is a sort of doing this currently. This
Speaker 1: uh follow over Instagram page says should you reach out
Speaker 1: to an X and have a conversation to get closure
Speaker 1: or just move on? It sounds like maybe this is
Speaker 1: an X that there's still a little hung up on
Speaker 1: and obviously been Dayton High School and there now were
Speaker 1: you kindling with? But what do you think about that?
Speaker 1: I feel like I've been in this situation with a
Speaker 1: couple of different xes. I think you kind of unless
Speaker 1: you're freaking out, I think you just let it lie
Speaker 1: for a while and then maybe down the road some
Speaker 1: closure will come from it. I definitely had some closure
Speaker 1: with some x is years years later. But well, let
Speaker 1: me ask you, did the closure come from actually interacting
Speaker 1: with the X years later or was the closure a
Speaker 1: product of the time that went by. Oh you did okay,
Speaker 1: fair enough? I like it. And then I was like,
Speaker 1: I never need to see this person again. All right,
Speaker 1: that's fair. I mean that's great closure. Was it great closure?
Speaker 1: I guess that's the question. I couldn't have cared last
Speaker 1: and he literally told me he was in love with me,
Speaker 1: and I was like, by see you letter and he
Speaker 1: got what needed. I will say closure is a very
Speaker 1: very real thing, and I think sometimes it's hard to
Speaker 1: move on to the next relationship without receiving closure from
Speaker 1: your previously sationship. It's definitely afflicted me before where I
Speaker 1: thought that I was ready to move on, I moved
Speaker 1: on to another relationship and I hadn't fully closed door
Speaker 1: on the last one, and it would just like mess
Speaker 1: with my head for the entire duration of that relationship. Well,
Speaker 1: how can you without giving two specifics away, like how
Speaker 1: did that happen? How did you not get closure from
Speaker 1: the last relationship. I thought that by entering into a
Speaker 1: new relationship it would, uh, I guess, protect me and
Speaker 1: help me move forward, But in reality what it did
Speaker 1: was just kind of like lead to more anxiety when
Speaker 1: I was uh, you know, I was still thinking about
Speaker 1: the last relationship, and so once that relationship was over,
Speaker 1: I was able to get the closure um with with
Speaker 1: the other relationship, and it was a very real thing.
Speaker 1: Once the closure was there, I was like fully put
Speaker 1: in the past to be able to move on from there. Well,
Speaker 1: how did you get closure just through like talking and
Speaker 1: figuring that stuff out? I guess with the person. Yeah,
Speaker 1: with the person. Just as as this person was saying,
Speaker 1: she said she should she get a closure from an X,
Speaker 1: And in my personal opinion, absolutely closure if you can
Speaker 1: get it, and if it's like if it's a healthy closure,
Speaker 1: not like where you're going and like clinging on and
Speaker 1: seeing if something's going to happen and like maybe sleeping
Speaker 1: with them. A lot of times I feel like when
Speaker 1: you meet up with an X and you try to
Speaker 1: get closure, it leads to that situation because you're so
Speaker 1: comfortable with that person. There's obviously still feelings there because
Speaker 1: you spent so much intimate moments with this person. Uh
Speaker 1: So it is a fine line that you have to
Speaker 1: be careful with. I think closure is a good thing.
Speaker 1: I'm an advocate for it. Sometimes I truly believe the
Speaker 1: only closure you can get is by time passing by
Speaker 1: or by banging it out. Sometimes you will not gain
Speaker 1: closure that way. Sometimes you just gotta bang it out
Speaker 1: of your system. Door closed onto the next boom, see
Speaker 1: you later. Yeah, I'm sure that means the door is
Speaker 1: closed for her too. Anyways. Uh, yeah, that's a tough one.
Speaker 1: Here's another question for both of you, guys. What is
Speaker 1: your most embarrassing dating story, past or present? Embarrassing dating story.
Speaker 1: I don't know if this is embarrassing or not, but
Speaker 1: when I first turned twenty one, I got really drunk,
Speaker 1: and uh, we were having a house party at the
Speaker 1: place I was living, and I was upstairs and I
Speaker 1: was flirting with this girl all the entire night, but
Speaker 1: I had to go throw up. So I went into
Speaker 1: the bathroom to throw up. And it was one of
Speaker 1: my first times really being drunk. So I was just
Speaker 1: not in a place where I wanted anybody to see me.
Speaker 1: And she was knocking on the door, which was very
Speaker 1: sweet to make sure I'm okay, but it was one
Speaker 1: of those things where you just don't want to see
Speaker 1: the other person. Please go away, And so then I
Speaker 1: cleaned myself up I immediately go into my room to
Speaker 1: go to bed while they're all downstairs still hanging out,
Speaker 1: because I wanted to go to bed. And then she
Speaker 1: came into my room and came into my bed and
Speaker 1: just cuddled with me, which was very sweet, but also like,
Speaker 1: even though I brushed my teeth, you still have that
Speaker 1: taste in your mouth and you just feel gross. And
Speaker 1: I could tell that she did not care, but it
Speaker 1: was like that awkwardness where it was just like, I
Speaker 1: I'm I'm I'm so gross right now. Please just never
Speaker 1: touched me and so it was like never spoken upon
Speaker 1: it again, and I never like went on date with
Speaker 1: this girl. It's pretty embarrassing. It's not the WORSTND like
Speaker 1: you need some closure, Yeah, twelve years later, I need
Speaker 1: closure on that one. Tracy, Do you have any embarrassing stories.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think of what one of the worst
Speaker 1: ones are. There's got to be some bad ones worse
Speaker 1: than American flag shorts. Um, why are you thinking I
Speaker 1: have one more? Yeah? Well, okay, yeah, you don't want
Speaker 1: to monopolize the conversation, dude, Yeah I do. Anyway, mine's
Speaker 1: very similar to years Actually, it was a second date
Speaker 1: with this girl that I was really, really this is
Speaker 1: years ago, really really in this girl. She was like beautiful,
Speaker 1: super into sports, and we went on our first date.
Speaker 1: It went really well, and funny enough, this is like
Speaker 1: this is years this is like four years ago. And
Speaker 1: she on our first day, she was like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: was actually cast for the Bachelor, but I decided not
Speaker 1: to do it for whatever reason. And I was like, wow,
Speaker 1: that's so cool. That's like a TV show I've seen
Speaker 1: on the TV before. And then on our second day,
Speaker 1: we went to her apartment and just like we chilled
Speaker 1: out and watched movies and stuff, and you ordered Chinese
Speaker 1: food and I love Chinese food, and I was like
Speaker 1: just shoveling this Chinese food into my mouth, like little
Speaker 1: pounds and pounds of orange chicken and fried rice and
Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff. And same thing that happened
Speaker 1: in Jared is. I think something had gotten me sick somehow,
Speaker 1: like maybe it's undercooked chicken. But the whole night I
Speaker 1: was puking in her in her bathroom. And it was
Speaker 1: a second day, and I don't think I was expected
Speaker 1: to stay over at her apartment, but physically was unable
Speaker 1: to leave because I was puking so much, and she
Speaker 1: was like in and out of the bathroom, like rubbing
Speaker 1: my back, puking, and I was like, this is the
Speaker 1: worst second day in my entire life. That's pretty bad.
Speaker 1: What did you think I did? And you might actually
Speaker 1: even appreciate this one kind of involves an RV my family.
Speaker 1: I was at Bungalow one day. This is a couple
Speaker 1: of years ago, so don't tell me he brought he
Speaker 1: brought you back to his r V. This is like
Speaker 1: to a day and a half type of thing. Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: hit it off with this guy, totally normal, really really nice,
Speaker 1: and I wasn't intending on drinking because I had driven
Speaker 1: over there. Ended up drinking and I was like, shoot,
Speaker 1: I can't drive back now and I needed my car
Speaker 1: the next day. So he's like, well, my r V
Speaker 1: that I just bought and he also owned a house
Speaker 1: in the hill is okay, I bought this for fun whatever. Um,
Speaker 1: it's parked across the street from Bungalow. Why don't you
Speaker 1: just come hang out, sober up a little bit, and
Speaker 1: then you drive home. We both ended up falling asleep.
Speaker 1: Nothing happened happened in the rye fall asleep and he
Speaker 1: had asked me on a date that week go on
Speaker 1: the state and he picks me up in a normal car.
Speaker 1: We have in a normal car. I was curious. We
Speaker 1: went to like one of the well like old fashioned
Speaker 1: Mexican restaurants in less Hollywood. But immediately on the date
Speaker 1: he starts basically like insulting my job, asking if I
Speaker 1: make any money, talking about from it's this. It was
Speaker 1: like one after the other, but again my really good judgment.
Speaker 1: I still proceeded to agree to go watch a movie
Speaker 1: with him, like this is going really bad, but let's
Speaker 1: continue on. It was absolutely terrible. I was so uncomfortable
Speaker 1: the entire day. At least in the movie it's two
Speaker 1: hours of silence. So I was back at his apartment
Speaker 1: house four things, but it was torrential down poor outside
Speaker 1: on the way back, and we get back to his
Speaker 1: house and he had locked himself out. So this guy
Speaker 1: sounds like a cat between this guy and the American
Speaker 1: short guy back balcony and like a torrential downpour to
Speaker 1: get himself to break into his own house. Are sure
Speaker 1: this is his house? That's the question, rud No, nobody
Speaker 1: he was there. He bought the RV for fun. He
Speaker 1: owns a house in the hill. I parked my van
Speaker 1: outside of my friend's house. Sometimes I'll have to sneak
Speaker 1: in every once in a while. He was totally nuts.
Speaker 1: Basically told me how a couple of his friends live
Speaker 1: in the basement and he gives them a curfew mm hmm,
Speaker 1: and I ended up passing out there, did not sleep
Speaker 1: for them, like into the bed. But then the next
Speaker 1: morning and I woke up and he went to go
Speaker 1: shower and came back in naked, and I was like,
Speaker 1: this isn't happening. Tried to actually force the Are you
Speaker 1: kidding me? Yeah? Yeah. I was like, because now you're
Speaker 1: wouldn't even force it. Yeah. Well, first wouldn't stop talking
Speaker 1: about like the size of him, Oh my gosh. And
Speaker 1: then was like, just like here it is. I don't
Speaker 1: think you guys realize how much just like literally happens
Speaker 1: to girls. They're like, hold on, let's just do it.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, no, you're discussing. Get off. What's good
Speaker 1: for you to put your foot down? Yeah? Grow me
Speaker 1: home in the RV because he gets service. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: this guy definitely owned a house in the hills. He's
Speaker 1: got no service. He owns r V and he to
Speaker 1: break into his own house, to which he has a curfew.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go ahead and say Tracy wins this competition
Speaker 1: of worst day stories. Yeah. Also, the biggest thing I
Speaker 1: took away from that, if you are at bungalow and
Speaker 1: drinking and a guy asked you to go back to
Speaker 1: his RV, you say no. Let's stop being discriminatory against
Speaker 1: people that have recreational vehicles, not discriminator towards that. But
Speaker 1: just if you if he asked you to go over
Speaker 1: his apartment for a first day or the RV, don't
Speaker 1: do it. Yeah, you just say no and you meet
Speaker 1: up at a public location at a later time and date.
Speaker 1: Here's another question from the Instagram pages. How do all
Speaker 1: of you handle compromise in your relationship? I think that
Speaker 1: this is good for long distance and obviously Ashley and
Speaker 1: Jared because you guys have been married are married, yes,
Speaker 1: So how do you handle compromise? Um? I think it
Speaker 1: all comes down to, once again, uh, sacrifice, realizing that
Speaker 1: some of the things that you want to do in
Speaker 1: the moment you just can't do because you're not It's
Speaker 1: no longer just about you, It's about you and your partner.
Speaker 1: So I think that's the biggest thing, is just remembering that, uh,
Speaker 1: to try not to be selfish and try to have
Speaker 1: that balance of doing things that you want to do
Speaker 1: with also doing things that she wants to do. And
Speaker 1: I think, actually and I do a pretty good job
Speaker 1: about that. What about you and Kalen, because it's different
Speaker 1: because you guys are still, you know, seven months in
Speaker 1: but still relatively fresh into the relationship. How do you
Speaker 1: guys handle compromise? Just to be clear, we've been dating
Speaker 1: longer than you been married, but you've been dating obviously, Yeah,
Speaker 1: but we didn't longer. Yeah. I just wanted to put
Speaker 1: that statistic out there. There was a good way of
Speaker 1: phrasing it that I would really fit your narrative. Um,
Speaker 1: how do we handle compromise in our relationship? I don't
Speaker 1: really think that we have to compromise on much, to
Speaker 1: be honest, It's uh, it sounds like Klin gives in
Speaker 1: a lot. No, it's not like we have to compromise. Actually,
Speaker 1: it's not even hurt giving in a lot. It's like
Speaker 1: if I'm like, hey, I want to do this, She's like,
Speaker 1: all right, cool, go do that, or I'll come with you.
Speaker 1: Or if she wants to do something, I'd be like,
Speaker 1: all right, tight, go do that. So next question, how
Speaker 1: do you know when a guy likes you? And what
Speaker 1: is the best way to flirt? Tracy is really don't
Speaker 1: like to answer this. I know. I guess we could
Speaker 1: say how do you know when a girl likes you? Too?
Speaker 1: But Tracy go first, how do you know when a
Speaker 1: guy likes you? And how do you flirt? What's your move?
Speaker 1: You gotta move or like opening line like this is
Speaker 1: weirdcuse I'm looking at you right now. But I make
Speaker 1: really strong eye contact with people. And I actually just
Speaker 1: had this issue the other day when I was like
Speaker 1: unsuck because I could tell a guy was trying to
Speaker 1: flirt with me, and I was trying so hard not
Speaker 1: to make eye contact because I didn't want to give
Speaker 1: them the wrong impression. Um yeah, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: kind of touchy. And see the first day, you wait
Speaker 1: until the girl touches you, and you do like the
Speaker 1: leg thing where you kind of intertwine the legs if
Speaker 1: you're like sitting out a bond. Intertwined legs are just
Speaker 1: like they touch get back your back at his Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I got that that's a good move. I'm just saying
Speaker 1: if everyone had that mentality of I'm gonna wait for
Speaker 1: them to make the first move, no thing would ever happen.
Speaker 1: No one would ever make the first Well two things.
Speaker 1: I think it is different for guys and girls in
Speaker 1: terms of like first touch because very much like the
Speaker 1: bumble app uh, you know, the girl is supposed to
Speaker 1: be the one that reaches out. I do feel like
Speaker 1: on the first day a girl should be the one
Speaker 1: who shows physical attraction first, because guys, I feel like,
Speaker 1: are just really bad at reading situations. Um. And again,
Speaker 1: for me, I think it was more of okay, now
Speaker 1: now now I know she's interested. Weird, but anyway, so
Speaker 1: tracy flirting, eye contact contact and so how do you
Speaker 1: know what a guy likes you? If he's staring at you,
Speaker 1: I feel like you just like, no, I don't have
Speaker 1: in that. It's a hard thing to conceptualize because it's
Speaker 1: like it's just a feeling. Sometimes we're talking like how
Speaker 1: do we know that they like you, like right there
Speaker 1: on the spot, or just like like you're a bar
Speaker 1: you're talking to a guy and you're like, I think
Speaker 1: he likes me, but I'm not sure. In my opinion,
Speaker 1: what this person is talking about is like, let's say
Speaker 1: she's in college or something like that, and there's a
Speaker 1: guy in class that she has like a friendship with,
Speaker 1: but she's not sure if he likes her likes her,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And so it's like, how
Speaker 1: do you bridge the gap between liking someone and then
Speaker 1: seeing if they actually have a crush on you, Like,
Speaker 1: what are the signs to indicate that he actually likes
Speaker 1: you more than just like a classmate or something. I personally,
Speaker 1: I think that a guy reaches out to you when
Speaker 1: I want to talk to you. And I've had this
Speaker 1: conversation my sister and my friends a million times to
Speaker 1: always come to the same conclusion. If someone wants to
Speaker 1: see you and wants to talk to you, they will.
Speaker 1: If they don't want to, then you're not a priority
Speaker 1: and you kind of just have to you know, when
Speaker 1: someone's flirt with you. I will say, sometimes it's hard
Speaker 1: to make someone a priority when you're unsure of how
Speaker 1: they feel about you. You're like, I'm going to carve
Speaker 1: away all this time for this person, but in reality,
Speaker 1: like they might not even like me like that, So
Speaker 1: it's kind of awkward and uncomfortable because of it. I
Speaker 1: always just my method of flirting is I always just
Speaker 1: sit them down and I tell them my story about
Speaker 1: me backpacking through Europe. That's your that's your opening lots
Speaker 1: every time you, guys, ever seen that Friends episode? Okay,
Speaker 1: never mind, We're gonna answer one more question here and
Speaker 1: then move on. Uh the final one we have for you, guys,
Speaker 1: and thank you for submitting these, by the way, these
Speaker 1: are great questions. We have a whole list of them,
Speaker 1: and we can't get through all of them, but hopefully
Speaker 1: we can continue to kind of ship away at them
Speaker 1: over time. Uh. Is it okay to have doubts in
Speaker 1: a relationship or does that mean it's just not meant
Speaker 1: to be? And I think that we all kind of
Speaker 1: suffer from this where especially like in Los Angeles, when
Speaker 1: you can date a lot of different people, um, you
Speaker 1: kind of have like the doubts creep in and you're like, Okay, well,
Speaker 1: if I'm doubting this or if this is going poorly,
Speaker 1: then maybe this is my person. And I know how
Speaker 1: Jared feels about this, because you do have pretty strong
Speaker 1: feelings about this. But Tracy, what do you think about
Speaker 1: if doubts creep in early on in a relationship. I
Speaker 1: don't necessarily think that that's an issue. And I also
Speaker 1: feel like the older you get, you start having certain
Speaker 1: doubts about things because you've experienced so much with other
Speaker 1: people that you start wondering, oh, is this going to
Speaker 1: be the same issue that I had with someone else?
Speaker 1: But I don't know. I feel like you just kind
Speaker 1: of have to work past it, and I'll let your
Speaker 1: doubts mess up what you actually feel for someone, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1: I feel like if somebody says I've never had a
Speaker 1: doubt in my relationship with this person, I don't believe you, right,
Speaker 1: I don't. You're always going to have doubts. That's just
Speaker 1: the human condition to always second guess things and wonder
Speaker 1: what if. And that's why for me, relationships are a choice.
Speaker 1: You choose to put that person first every day, And
Speaker 1: for me, I find that far more romantic than any
Speaker 1: type of predestined soulmate conversation because I like the idea
Speaker 1: that in a relationship, you're choosing one another. It's not
Speaker 1: out of your control. I want you because I'm choosing
Speaker 1: to be with you. I do find that more powerful.
Speaker 1: I do think there's an issue, And I've been inflicted
Speaker 1: by this in the past two where we're kind of
Speaker 1: conditioned as kids to understand like that true love happens
Speaker 1: and once once it happens, there's never a care in
Speaker 1: the world after that, and just like smooth sailing with
Speaker 1: you and your partner for the rest of life and
Speaker 1: never questioning anything. But that's just not really how things
Speaker 1: work out. And uh, I think that we when we
Speaker 1: at least I was brought up to believe that, and
Speaker 1: through what like television and Disney movies and all that
Speaker 1: kind of stuff, and then and then sure, well and
Speaker 1: then so you you get out in the real world
Speaker 1: and you start dating someone, you start having these doubts
Speaker 1: and you're like, well, maybe this isn't the person that's
Speaker 1: supposed to be with me for the rest of the life.
Speaker 1: And that goes against what you're learned or what you're
Speaker 1: taught when you're being you know, bred and brought up
Speaker 1: and all that kind of stuff. And so I think
Speaker 1: that's kind of where that issue stems from. And I
Speaker 1: agree with Jared. I think that, uh, everyone's gonna have
Speaker 1: doubt in any type of relationship. And I think the
Speaker 1: point is just to kind of make the choice for
Speaker 1: that to be with that other person every day, of course,
Speaker 1: and it gets you know, there's a point in every relationship,
Speaker 1: right where are you, uh think about does the good
Speaker 1: outweigh the bad? And that's when you did herman, whether
Speaker 1: you need to move on from you know, the relationship
Speaker 1: or continue dating this person. But the idea that if
Speaker 1: there are doubts that creep in and that should be
Speaker 1: the reason the relationship ends is something that I just
Speaker 1: firmly don't believe in. And I think I've learned from
Speaker 1: my experiences because I think all of us can probably
Speaker 1: say we've we've loved someone that we're not with right now,
Speaker 1: and that's okay to say I did love someone before
Speaker 1: and we're not together because it wasn't you know, we're
Speaker 1: just not meant to be in a relationship. That doesn't
Speaker 1: mean just because I doubts about them, that it was
Speaker 1: a bad relationship. Yeah, that's very fair. Anyways, Um, thank
Speaker 1: you guys for some many questions. If you want to
Speaker 1: follow us on Instagram, Jared would be very very happy
Speaker 1: about it. Help underscore I underscore suck Underscore at Underscore Dating.
Speaker 1: To be fair, Dean is the one that created the Instagram,
Speaker 1: So the genesis of all of it. I'm just carrying
Speaker 1: the torch. Follow us help I sucre dating on Instagram.
Speaker 1: We will ask these questions more often, and again, we
Speaker 1: weren't able to get through all the questions today, but
Speaker 1: we will continue to chip away at them. Coming up next,
Speaker 1: we have some emails. Yeah, we have a couple of emails.
Speaker 1: I'm coming up, Max. We've got some listener emails from
Speaker 1: you guys that you sent to I Sucker Dating at
Speaker 1: iHeart media dot com. We're gonna answer one or two
Speaker 1: of those, and those are the juicy ones that I
Speaker 1: was referring to earlier. So stick around, you're not gonna
Speaker 1: want to miss it, and we'll dive right into them. Hey,
Speaker 1: welcome back to help I Suck a Dating. Dean myself Tracy,
Speaker 1: and we're about to answer our favorite part of the podcast.
Speaker 1: We're answering, Yeah, that didn't make any sense. You want
Speaker 1: to start that sentence over. Let's try that again. We
Speaker 1: are upon our favorite part of the podcast, which is
Speaker 1: suck Army emails. Sucks sucks. I'm really glad that's taken
Speaker 1: on a life. I can't tell you how proud I
Speaker 1: am of that the first one that we're going to
Speaker 1: read is of course from our favorite email or they
Speaker 1: email in every single time. Email A lot, they're great,
Speaker 1: uh from anonymous. Also a lot of help they needed
Speaker 1: for dating. Yeah, I don't blame them, which is why
Speaker 1: they're anonymous. Also says next to anonymous in parentheses, thirty
Speaker 1: four years old. Just for context. So I met this
Speaker 1: guy to friends gathering. We hit it off and talked
Speaker 1: throughout the night. There were moments where he wanted to
Speaker 1: kiss me, but I said no so that he wouldn't
Speaker 1: think I was easy. I now regret not kissing him,
Speaker 1: But anyway, at the end of the night, he didn't
Speaker 1: ask for my number, and then that was that. A
Speaker 1: few days later I looked for him on Facebook and
Speaker 1: sent him a message. I said I had a great
Speaker 1: time that night and thought we should hang out again.
Speaker 1: He replied with the same. Since then, we have been
Speaker 1: talking through messenger, but I have yet to hang out
Speaker 1: with him. I recently asked him to hang out, but
Speaker 1: he said he had to go to work early in
Speaker 1: the next day. We talked on the phone a few
Speaker 1: days ago and stayed up till five in the morning,
Speaker 1: and after we hung up, he texted me and said
Speaker 1: that was an f and great talk. Interesting way to
Speaker 1: put that. I know if a guy is truly interested,
Speaker 1: he will make it happen. He make it happened to
Speaker 1: go out. But what I don't get is why he
Speaker 1: continues to reach out if he seems we are never
Speaker 1: going to hang out. Help. I've actually wanted to hear
Speaker 1: you guys say this first, because honestly, I think myself
Speaker 1: and a lot of other girls have been in this
Speaker 1: situation and I would love to know a guy's perspective
Speaker 1: on this. I think that it's funny because I'm gonna
Speaker 1: answer this question. When I answered, I think of Nick
Speaker 1: more than anything, because he always answers the question too.
Speaker 1: I just think that the guy is bored and he
Speaker 1: likes having something to talk to, and then when it
Speaker 1: really comes down to it, he's like, well, I guess
Speaker 1: we really don't have to hang out because he's getting
Speaker 1: what he needs from me, which is just like a conversation,
Speaker 1: which is a time filler. That's my take on it. Yes,
Speaker 1: I agree, the guys are weird. Guys are all talking
Speaker 1: and then when it comes up to meeting up, we
Speaker 1: just never do. I don't know why why do we
Speaker 1: do that? And I'm not trying to generalize guys is
Speaker 1: this because I'm sure females do it as well, But
Speaker 1: in my experience and people that I've talked to, I
Speaker 1: feel like it's a vast majority of men who are
Speaker 1: the ones who continued talk through tech message the messenger
Speaker 1: and then just refused to hang out in person, especially
Speaker 1: after this for the talking of five in the morning,
Speaker 1: and then he after he hangs up, texts her and
Speaker 1: says that was a great talk. Why would he not
Speaker 1: want to do that in person? I think you just
Speaker 1: not want to pay for a date. No, I think
Speaker 1: it's inscured. Now. I think guys are wildly insecure. I think, uh,
Speaker 1: maybe this is the case. Is for me personally, I'm
Speaker 1: like twenty times funnier over text because I can kind
Speaker 1: of like sit back and reflect on it and come
Speaker 1: back with something witty or sarcastic or something like that.
Speaker 1: In person, I'm still obviously really wouldy and sarcastic, but
Speaker 1: just to a lesser degree. And so this guy might
Speaker 1: be the same way. I guess he had a conversation
Speaker 1: with her up until five am, but maybe he's like
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm going to be able to live
Speaker 1: up to my texting personality on like a face to
Speaker 1: face date or even the phone called date. And he's,
Speaker 1: like you said, kind of insecure and uncertain about that.
Speaker 1: Maybe if I were anonymous in this situation, UM, I
Speaker 1: would just take the initiative and kind of continue to
Speaker 1: chip away. And obviously the more you talk to him,
Speaker 1: the more comfortable he'll get with you. And I don't know,
Speaker 1: just but also make sure that he's putting a priority
Speaker 1: on seeing you as well. Well, let's be real, though,
Speaker 1: time are you going to give this guy for a second.
Speaker 1: If she likes the guy, there's nothing wrong with her,
Speaker 1: like like continuing to try to hang out with him. Sure,
Speaker 1: But if she asked two or three more times and
Speaker 1: he continues to say no, I don't think it's the
Speaker 1: biggest issue in the world. If she really maybe, well,
Speaker 1: we don't know how much he values your time. I'm
Speaker 1: assuming a lot. I'm assuming a lot as well. I
Speaker 1: just personally think that I've been in the situation before.
Speaker 1: I have been dating Cayle obviously for a long time,
Speaker 1: but before before that, I would like, you know, be
Speaker 1: interested in someone right said and talk to them for
Speaker 1: however long and try to hang out with them. A
Speaker 1: couple of times. It didn't work out for whatever reason.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna just like eventually you'll stop trying, obviously,
Speaker 1: but like one try it really isn't cutting it. Oh,
Speaker 1: I agree, you should try again, and then maybe again,
Speaker 1: and then maybe again. I would say, at most once
Speaker 1: you hit your sixth try many kind of be like, okay,
Speaker 1: even let re stretching and I fe let's be in
Speaker 1: the middle at four and a half. At four and
Speaker 1: a half tries, that's not the middle. I'm no mathematician, Yes,
Speaker 1: and that's half of six is four and a half.
Speaker 1: The middle of three and six is four and a half. Now, well,
Speaker 1: we're at one right now. No, no no, no, three. I
Speaker 1: said six, and you said whatever you said no, no, no,
Speaker 1: we're between one and six right now. Half of that
Speaker 1: would be seven. Okay, fine, I agree six is a
Speaker 1: little much, But that's my opinion on it is. It's
Speaker 1: not there's no shame in continuing to ask this guy
Speaker 1: to hang out. Maybe like in an unfortunate scenario, he's
Speaker 1: talking to someone else that's going a little bit faster,
Speaker 1: and by interjecting herself she can kind of like put
Speaker 1: herself back in the race a little bit. I don't
Speaker 1: know how much she likes this guy. Maybe she's in
Speaker 1: love with him, maybe she just is like concerned about, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, seeing if she can get him to like her.
Speaker 1: I don't know exactly, but I just don't think that
Speaker 1: there's any shame and continue to try. That's my take.
Speaker 1: You made a really good point. Actually, I think everyone
Speaker 1: always forgets when you're just dating in general, like dating
Speaker 1: a bunch of people or a couple of people. You
Speaker 1: forget that someone might be dating someone else at the
Speaker 1: same time as you be going way better and and
Speaker 1: they kind of just like either fall off the face
Speaker 1: of the earth or give you a little brush off
Speaker 1: that it's not working. You don't know why, and it's
Speaker 1: literally because they're seeing someone. Yeah, that's a great question.
Speaker 1: It sounds like this guy might be dating someone else
Speaker 1: because even when they first met, they said that there
Speaker 1: was a great talk and they had great moments and
Speaker 1: they wanted to kiss, but they didn't and he didn't
Speaker 1: ask for her numbers. So that sounds like someone who's
Speaker 1: dating someone and then just met someone he had a
Speaker 1: connection with but realized I can't I can't act on this.
Speaker 1: I need to just go in my separate way. And
Speaker 1: then she's the one who reached out to him and
Speaker 1: they had a great talk, but he still hasn't wanted
Speaker 1: to hang out. That does sound like he could be
Speaker 1: dating someone fishy, And that's kind of the weird limbo
Speaker 1: face two where he probably doesn't feel like he's ghosting
Speaker 1: because he's not really like I don't know he technically
Speaker 1: he's not ghosting you, but technically he is, and technically
Speaker 1: he's not cheating, so he feels fine with it. A
Speaker 1: technicalities usually never a good dating sucks anyways. On the
Speaker 1: next email from Steph, she says, I have a friend.
Speaker 1: He's my oldest and best friend of twenty two years.
Speaker 1: We have spent a lot of time together over the
Speaker 1: past six months. Now I'm beginning to see him as
Speaker 1: more than a friend. He hugs me and holds me,
Speaker 1: probably a little bit longer than he should. He even
Speaker 1: hugged me and kissed me on the neck. I'm sorry
Speaker 1: on the cheek difference, but do I do? How do
Speaker 1: you cross the friendship line? Also, if he actually liked me,
Speaker 1: would he have wouldn't he have said something already? Probably
Speaker 1: guys don't. Guys don't vocalize their feelings. We're not vulnerable enough,
Speaker 1: especially if you're friends friends with someone. It's just good
Speaker 1: the way it is, and then he'll show signs that
Speaker 1: he likes you. Until you're the one who actually says something.
Speaker 1: It's not saying it's right, I'm saying it's the way
Speaker 1: life goes. This is what Stephan needs to do. She
Speaker 1: needs to take him to an arcade, play the basketball game,
Speaker 1: kick his ass, and it's going to all work out
Speaker 1: in the end. I agree. Yeah, I mean, you don't
Speaker 1: want to mess up a friendship, of course, but to me,
Speaker 1: that personally sounds like he wants it to be a
Speaker 1: little bit more or he's starting to grow different feelings
Speaker 1: than maybe they used to have, which that changes over time,
Speaker 1: and obviously if you really liked someone at one point
Speaker 1: and it wasn't the right timing, things change. Ye. Let
Speaker 1: me just say he's not just like, he's just not
Speaker 1: gonna excessively hug and kiss on the cheek his his friend.
Speaker 1: Do you feel like if they're that good of friends,
Speaker 1: she should be able to talk to him about it. Also,
Speaker 1: I think what they need to do is go to dinner,
Speaker 1: get a little liquored up, because when you get a
Speaker 1: little drunk, you get a little bit more confident in
Speaker 1: the things you're saying. And honestly, just let it all
Speaker 1: pour out. If you like him, say something. And if
Speaker 1: he's you know, a couple of drinks deep, I don't
Speaker 1: think he will have any issue reciprocating. So and if
Speaker 1: he owns an RV, that's a bonus. Is it a
Speaker 1: bonus now or because I thought before it was a
Speaker 1: detriment Now I was just trying to help you out.
Speaker 1: I was just trying to be nice to you, Dean, Okay,
Speaker 1: So there it is. That's what that's our advice is
Speaker 1: go to dinner, get drunk, and just community over communicate.
Speaker 1: Communication is key, Jared, there's one question here for you
Speaker 1: from Anne. She says even married couples needs to date.
Speaker 1: You can be married and suck at dating. I've been
Speaker 1: married for twelve years, and the key to a successful
Speaker 1: marriage is a date night once a week. Jar, have
Speaker 1: you started to feel a difference at all being married?
Speaker 1: What do you and actually do to keep the romances
Speaker 1: and sexy time alive? Um? I think it's it's funny
Speaker 1: because you forget that you have to put effort in.
Speaker 1: Especially with Ashley and myself, we spend literally almost every
Speaker 1: minute of every day together because we live together, we
Speaker 1: kind of work together in a lot of different areas,
Speaker 1: we travel together, we're best friends and also married, so
Speaker 1: we just we spend a lot of time together. And
Speaker 1: so I think you start to subconsciously lose that, uh,
Speaker 1: that that lust and that that I want to actually
Speaker 1: go on dates and and put effort into the relationship,
Speaker 1: because it's just you kind of get lazy. So I agree,
Speaker 1: I think, uh, you know, one thing to remember is
Speaker 1: to always put effort in and to always remind yourself
Speaker 1: that things will not happen unless you make them happen.
Speaker 1: And that includes alone time. That includes keeping the relationship
Speaker 1: young and fresh by going on dates, going out, going
Speaker 1: to arcades, going to dinner, going to see movies, things
Speaker 1: of that nature. And so I think Ashley and I
Speaker 1: tried to do that. I think we fail on a
Speaker 1: lot of different areas. I don't think we um put
Speaker 1: as much effort into keeping the relationship um fresh fresh.
Speaker 1: I don't want to make it sound bad, but we
Speaker 1: just stay at home a lot and cook and hang
Speaker 1: out and that's great, but we don't. We don't really
Speaker 1: do a lot of different activities unless it's work. So
Speaker 1: I think it's something that we could both work on.
Speaker 1: Specifically me, I think I think I could do a
Speaker 1: lot better job, even stupid like bring flowers home, bringing
Speaker 1: her chocolates, or uh, cooking her dinner instead of us,
Speaker 1: you know, being like, well what are we gonna have tonight?
Speaker 1: Like her coming home and having me prepared dinner, things
Speaker 1: like that. So that's things that I could seriously work on.
Speaker 1: And I'm sure a lot of people can look at
Speaker 1: themselves and realize they need to work on it too.
Speaker 1: There you go, that's a good answer, I think. Uh,
Speaker 1: that's kind of one of my fereers with uh relationships
Speaker 1: as well as because I'm a sucker for novelty. I
Speaker 1: kind of need like my serotone and fire and at
Speaker 1: all times. And so obviously the longer in a relationship,
Speaker 1: like the more dull it becomes, with the more I
Speaker 1: would say, like the are predictable becomes of course. Uh.
Speaker 1: And so that's kind of like one of my doubts
Speaker 1: to tie back into that question that we had from
Speaker 1: earlier ish, not with my current relationship specifically, but just
Speaker 1: with relationships in general is eventually like that novelty even
Speaker 1: outside of the relationship could wear off on certain things.
Speaker 1: That's a fear, But I agree with what you're saying,
Speaker 1: like keep doing things that are like kind of throwing
Speaker 1: curveballs to your partner. Well, one of my buddies has
Speaker 1: been married for quite some time. He once said, I've
Speaker 1: said this on the podcast before, but he was talking
Speaker 1: about how in the first year of the relationship, of course,
Speaker 1: it's that lustful, fresh phase where you guys could be
Speaker 1: doing laundry together and it's so much fun because you're
Speaker 1: just together. And then usually a year a little bit
Speaker 1: over in the relationship, things start happening, kind of bad
Speaker 1: things that you have to overcome together as a couple.
Speaker 1: And if you're able to overcome those obstacles and get
Speaker 1: past the other side of that, UM, that's when the
Speaker 1: real relationship begins. And so I try to always remind
Speaker 1: myself of that. UM not to say Ashley and I
Speaker 1: have that we I it's the best relationship I've ever
Speaker 1: been in. UM. But I think too. Dean's point for you,
Speaker 1: if you do get that point with Kalin where it
Speaker 1: does feel stagnant, just remind yourself that one you have
Speaker 1: to put It's gonna happen with everybody, Like, no matter
Speaker 1: what relationship you're in, it's gonna get stagnant at some point.
Speaker 1: It's just the way it happens. And so to constantly
Speaker 1: remind yourself throughout that time that you have to keep
Speaker 1: working and keep putting effort into the relationship in order
Speaker 1: to keep it fresh, um, is very important. And then
Speaker 1: hopefully you know because relationship and love changes. And I
Speaker 1: don't necessarily think that's a bad thing because while the
Speaker 1: relationship might get more stagnant, if you stay with one
Speaker 1: person for an extended period of time, ah, the love
Speaker 1: will change and you'll also become more dependent on the person,
Speaker 1: which I kind of like. There you go. Well, great answer, Jared,
Speaker 1: You're so insightful. You were not paying attention at all.
Speaker 1: You were not paying attention at all. That will do
Speaker 1: it for this week's episode of Help I Suck at Dating, Chasey.
Speaker 1: Before we sign off, any parting words, no beautiful time. Um,
Speaker 1: we loved having you on. This is the first time
Speaker 1: you were on the podcast. Yes, it's my first time,
Speaker 1: and honestly, I love talking about dating. I've been doing
Speaker 1: it a long time, and it's really interesting to hear
Speaker 1: emails perspective on it. Yeah, yeah, especially Yeah, it's more
Speaker 1: like two idiots perspective on it. Anyways, thank you for
Speaker 1: listening to this week's episode of Help I Suck At Dating.
Speaker 1: Big thank you to Tracy shop Off and you could
Speaker 1: follow her on Instagram. Tracy shop Off, I just followed you.
Speaker 1: She's a great follow She's an incredible stylist to a
Speaker 1: style talent like Elizabeth Banks, Constance woo in Octavia Spencer
Speaker 1: for various red carpet events. Anyways, big thank you to
Speaker 1: our listeners of course for emailing us at I suckon
Speaker 1: Dating at iHeartMedia dot com. Big thank you to all
Speaker 1: of our Instagram followers as well for submitting those questions.
Speaker 1: We will continue. Like I said to chip Away, feel
Speaker 1: free to continue to email us I Suck a Dating
Speaker 1: at iHeart media dot com. Big thank you again. Be
Speaker 1: sure to tune in next week, where maybe we will
Speaker 1: suck just a little bit less. Follow Help I Suck
Speaker 1: At Dating with Dean ang Alert on I Heart Radio
Speaker 1: or subscribe wherever you listen to podcast as who you