Speaker 1: Gotta take it to academia. Hell yeah, which I definitely
Speaker 1: feel like this is what this qualifies as academia and
Speaker 1: our cookies. Uh, what's fascinating white chocolate academian? That all right?
Speaker 1: All right, that'll be the last time we did we
Speaker 1: accept on this shows quality racist money. I can't tell
Speaker 1: me bing bang nut nut There it is, there, it is.
Speaker 1: Welcome to you, gotta let me get through it. Good,
Speaker 1: you're going crazy. Welcome to another brand new episode of
Speaker 1: My Mama Told Me, the podcast where we dive deep,
Speaker 1: deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories and we
Speaker 1: work to prove that the Nike Corporation is, in fact,
Speaker 1: an offshoot of the Newport Corporation, developed to take all
Speaker 1: of black people's money. Look at the symbols. They just
Speaker 1: flipped it upside down. People. I am David Bording, whoa,
Speaker 1: I'm Lengthy Kerman, and I'm shocked. I'm shocked at what
Speaker 1: the web you're spending right now. Let's try to web.
Speaker 1: Try to web terrifying a web if it's real? Well, web,
Speaker 1: all right, I get what you're trying to say. I
Speaker 1: don't think you're nailing that part of it. But the
Speaker 1: thing you said before, that's that feels like something I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Flip it upside down, flip it upside down, and so
Speaker 1: and so. To be clear, what you're also suggesting is
Speaker 1: that they they invented Newports. They were like, this is
Speaker 1: this is a business. We we know we're gonna kill
Speaker 1: these motherfuckers with this shit. We have great ads. And
Speaker 1: they were like, that's not a fucking enough Too many
Speaker 1: of them are surviving. Flip that check upside down. We
Speaker 1: got a new idea athletic ones on board as well.
Speaker 1: Fuck because you remember the Newport ads always doing very
Speaker 1: athletic things. That's true. Yeah. It was like a cigarette
Speaker 1: that you could, like you could play football with. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you could cave a man's chest in and then have
Speaker 1: a nice cigarette. Yeah. Yeah. It was always for like
Speaker 1: the black on the go, a strong cigarette. Oh fuck man,
Speaker 1: And I'm goddamn I got a warm Uncle's too, Like
Speaker 1: you have grown too far. I mean, I'm surprised they
Speaker 1: might strike me down from talking about this on the podcast.
Speaker 1: Get that big well. I pray to God our our
Speaker 1: guests today has has some kind of information that can
Speaker 1: comfort us inside of this. I don't know that anybody
Speaker 1: could but if anybody could, it's him. He's so fucking funny,
Speaker 1: one of my favorite guests that we've ever had the
Speaker 1: pleasure of talking to. Truly hilarious. You know him from
Speaker 1: as a writer and actor, comedian extraordinaire, but more specifically
Speaker 1: you know than on March third season two of Grand Crew,
Speaker 1: a show he stars in, and it's phenomenal in he's
Speaker 1: so funny. Give it up for our guests, mister Carl Tarts.
Speaker 1: My god, my guys, I do have a little bit
Speaker 1: that can ease you. Cigarettes. Here we go. So one
Speaker 1: time I was there, there are two you know, they
Speaker 1: make two ads. There is a Newport ad in white
Speaker 1: magazines and Newport ad in black magazine. Right, here's the
Speaker 1: crazy part. The people are doing the exact same pose.
Speaker 1: So they didn't even I've seen this. It was like
Speaker 1: in a Jet magazine a couple on the beach walking
Speaker 1: down and they're like, you're not doing that with a cigarette. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And then you see in like in like Cosmo, it's
Speaker 1: the same exact pose walking on the beach and the
Speaker 1: white ladies like it's so they're trying to kill white
Speaker 1: people too. That's that's diabolical. So it's less it's less
Speaker 1: of an intentional well a singular attack, and more like
Speaker 1: a separate mall santas. Yeah. Yeah, here's my question, who said?
Speaker 1: Who set the template? Though? Brother? Are they telling the
Speaker 1: white couple that you didn't the brother had his arms
Speaker 1: like this? Or are they telling the black couple that
Speaker 1: the white lady had a net cock? This exactly as
Speaker 1: I'm looking back. Keep keep an arm cook. Fuck, this
Speaker 1: is heavy, this is this is heavy shit. No, I'm
Speaker 1: not playing around because it's like I mean, I would
Speaker 1: go so far as to say, you never had like
Speaker 1: on a hot day in Newport, fresh out of the freezer.
Speaker 1: It's like a sponge streak. I don't. I've never smoked
Speaker 1: a cigarette in my life, and certainly I wasn't freezing them.
Speaker 1: They don't freeze you, ned. I didn't even know that
Speaker 1: was an option. My grandmother smoked pall mall reds for
Speaker 1: fifty years before a throat uh exploded with cancer and
Speaker 1: uh and never once was she like, baby, put one
Speaker 1: of them, put one of them packs in the in
Speaker 1: the freezer. Well they weren't mental. It doesn't cool him
Speaker 1: down like that. They did my my uh, my auntie
Speaker 1: and my Grandma smoked cane, cooked kane, cool filter King,
Speaker 1: and they would put him in the fridge to keep
Speaker 1: them friend because they were buying by the by the
Speaker 1: case or the car. Because they were buying such such
Speaker 1: grand loads of King Kools and door Ols too. They
Speaker 1: were smoked door around. That's a smooth finish. We can't
Speaker 1: talk cigarettes all day. Although Bory I think would make
Speaker 1: this a cigarette podcast. No, I'm just saying I've been
Speaker 1: I've tasted the delights. You tasted all of all the ships.
Speaker 1: If it's a menthal, I've had a fresh out freeze. Wow. Well,
Speaker 1: we can't make this a a cigarette podcast because Carl
Speaker 1: you came to us with the conspiracy theory that that.
Speaker 1: When I read it, I was like, I, what the
Speaker 1: fuck is this what? I've never heard of this before
Speaker 1: in my life. I was furious. I slammed my hand
Speaker 1: on the desk and I said, this man doesn't respect us.
Speaker 1: If this is the kind of foolery that he's bringing
Speaker 1: to our community, he doesn't even think this is a
Speaker 1: real podcast. And then Olivia was like, hey man, calm down,
Speaker 1: here's what he's talking about, and it it. My mind
Speaker 1: was blown. You said my mama told me turtles are racist. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just felt right, I don't know are racist. Now
Speaker 1: I've seen a video of a man with a shoe
Speaker 1: on and on the side of his shoe. Remember it's
Speaker 1: important is wearing this is that? This is what kind
Speaker 1: of is the is the what is that called the
Speaker 1: hypothesis or like this is the the study the case study?
Speaker 1: This is Yeah, I forgot what. Remember we used to
Speaker 1: have to do uh science projects in elementary school and
Speaker 1: we would get like the folding board. Yeah, you're talking
Speaker 1: to you're talking to like a it's time volcano man.
Speaker 1: So I was I went to a lot of different schools.
Speaker 1: You could just do the volcano again. I used to
Speaker 1: go all out for them ships. Me and my dad
Speaker 1: made pickles one year and like did the science of
Speaker 1: pickles and ship operative word being dad, I was in
Speaker 1: the house. I was the kid that that would ask
Speaker 1: his mom the night before his dude men, like, can
Speaker 1: we go to the Dallas get a posted board? Well,
Speaker 1: and and I'm to the hard part of volcanoes. Here's
Speaker 1: the thing. You could go to TJ Max and get
Speaker 1: a volcano. They had him in the toy section because
Speaker 1: remember TJ Max had terrible toys. Yeah, it was all scientific.
Speaker 1: You could always there was always a volcano on this
Speaker 1: right now, Any TJ Max you go to, there's that's
Speaker 1: that's corporate. That's a corporate. That's a corporate. Man date
Speaker 1: their toys feel like the Island of Misfit Toys was like, hey, chill, yeah,
Speaker 1: we're misfits not not whatever that they got. They got
Speaker 1: flash cards in like some biscotti. That's the toy. It's
Speaker 1: real bad. It's just those sticky hands. Let you throw
Speaker 1: against the wall and they fall down. Uh. So, the
Speaker 1: guy's wearing the shoe. On the side of the shoe,
Speaker 1: he's got white tape on the side of his brown
Speaker 1: like dress shoe. That's right, it's got white tape with
Speaker 1: the white tape. The turtle walks up to the shoe,
Speaker 1: does not have a reaction to it at all. He
Speaker 1: rips off the white tape and there's black tape under
Speaker 1: the white tape, and the turtle starts to ram the shoe.
Speaker 1: Is this a white man? This is a white I
Speaker 1: don't know who the guy was. He just saw his
Speaker 1: legs a white man. The turtle just starts to ram
Speaker 1: the shoe when he sees the black tape. Then he
Speaker 1: takes off the white the black tape and it's just
Speaker 1: the brown shoe, and the turtle continues to ram the shoe.
Speaker 1: I've never seen a turtle behave this way. That's that's
Speaker 1: what blew my mind when when I watched it, because
Speaker 1: like I was like, oh, the turtle probably just like
Speaker 1: nipped at it a little bit and then walks away.
Speaker 1: This turtle is losing its fucking mind. It like truly,
Speaker 1: it looks like it's in in like fucking Friday night
Speaker 1: lights and a mean dad is gonna beat it if
Speaker 1: it doesn't run through that wall type shit, Like it's
Speaker 1: going crazy on this goddamn shoe. Yeah, I was trying
Speaker 1: to hit this slid. The turtle is definitely trying to
Speaker 1: hit the slib. It makes me feel like this it's
Speaker 1: because I don't want to put this on. When I
Speaker 1: watched the video, it makes me feel it makes put
Speaker 1: all on turtles. Is that what you're It makes me
Speaker 1: feel like this is this happened to this one turtle
Speaker 1: Like he ross whatever and that I don't think. I
Speaker 1: think he's hit with the ferocity That makes me feel
Speaker 1: like there was a specificity to him. And so if
Speaker 1: I'm hearing you correctly. This isn't so much not all
Speaker 1: turtles as it is like his rage feels especially rage
Speaker 1: full compared to every other turtle. I want to start
Speaker 1: by saying all turtles matter. I was about to say
Speaker 1: boys shooting him bail over that turtle supremacy, internal life
Speaker 1: turtle supremacy. But yeah, I think it was just this
Speaker 1: turtle had been trained. I don't because I love turtles, man.
Speaker 1: I just I communed with the turtle in the sea
Speaker 1: in Hawaii not three months ago. Yeah, and he almost
Speaker 1: drowned you, didn't he It was one of them trying
Speaker 1: to drown you. It was one of the most incredible
Speaker 1: experiences in my life. You know who the turtle didn't
Speaker 1: like the white lady who asked if I was wearing
Speaker 1: a cool running shirt here? Like yeah, okay, But here's
Speaker 1: what I'll say is everybody likes a rich white man
Speaker 1: when you're in the owner's box, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like you were sitting in the fucking box with the
Speaker 1: turtle you're Hawaiian beaches. Yeah, this motherfucker's probably coolest shit.
Speaker 1: Now take him to like a fucking alley in Chicago
Speaker 1: and see how he behaves. Why would be in the
Speaker 1: alley in Chicago. I don't know, But that's that's his
Speaker 1: real that's what's in his heart. That's man. Listen. I
Speaker 1: think he saw a like minded individual. I've always I've
Speaker 1: always told the kinship with Turtles. I've been like, oh,
Speaker 1: you guys just cruise around all day, no job, just floating. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I get it, Yeah, I get it. Like I don't
Speaker 1: want to. It hurts. I mean I do think I
Speaker 1: look at culturally, do I think Turtles have been black? No,
Speaker 1: the teenage mutant Ninja Turtles decidedly not black. Not with
Speaker 1: those Italian names. No, and not with the Cowabunga dudes. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there a lot of Cowabunga dudes. And they only ate pizza.
Speaker 1: It was you know, black families love pizza. But we
Speaker 1: got we had other stuff going on. Yeah, we never
Speaker 1: had like shrimp alfredo. Yeah, the black people's Italian dishes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: mostly shrimps. But we can all make it. Raise your
Speaker 1: hand if you can't make shrimp alfredo. Come home from work, girl,
Speaker 1: that made your dinner Valentine's Day. Ain't no alfredo sauce
Speaker 1: in the store, No, no, no, you put it, you
Speaker 1: put a steak with it. It's all the same color.
Speaker 1: Oh come on, man, Yeah, you're you're getting Voca sauce
Speaker 1: if you wait until Valentine's Day. Got to stock up
Speaker 1: on your alfredo before February twelfth. You're trying to find
Speaker 1: a tickle me Elmo in nineteen ninety eight. You better
Speaker 1: cut it out, all right. So Carl, you watch this video.
Speaker 1: You see this turtle attack this man's uh shoe? You
Speaker 1: are you immediately like racism. We gotta shut down all
Speaker 1: turtles who did it? Was any Was that it for you?
Speaker 1: Or did more? Push you over the edge? More push
Speaker 1: me over the edge, Because then I started seeing facts
Speaker 1: about turtles that lived for two hundred years. So, y'all
Speaker 1: sauce slavery and you didn't do anything. You just went
Speaker 1: back into your shell and let it happen. Wait, you're
Speaker 1: blaming turtles for letting slavery happen. Listen, all I'm saying
Speaker 1: is where I'm from, we got a lot of water
Speaker 1: the Gulf coast in Mississippi. We got a lot of
Speaker 1: water down there Louisiana the swamps to buy us everything.
Speaker 1: And it's a lot of turtles around. They had a
Speaker 1: chance they had it, they could have risen up. Damn,
Speaker 1: you could have come out the fucking swamps and like
Speaker 1: been another angle of attack civil rights. Have you seen
Speaker 1: a turtle stand up for anything? No? Yeah, And that's
Speaker 1: the problem because neutray is siding with the oppressive. You have.
Speaker 1: You are taking a very hard stand pro you're not
Speaker 1: even considering the possibility that these motherfuckers are are on
Speaker 1: the bad side. They could have rammed a lot of
Speaker 1: slave masters ankle. Yeah. See, I don't think girls making
Speaker 1: solid points and you keep being like, yeah, stood up
Speaker 1: for racism during slavery. It wasn't just turtles. Where were
Speaker 1: the horses at We're gonna start with the turtles, the
Speaker 1: ones we saw the leader road mass around in the field.
Speaker 1: You think he was walking. He was on a bitch
Speaker 1: ass horse. If we had a problem with an animal,
Speaker 1: I just don't think a turtle is where we need
Speaker 1: to stay. I think where where I where? I hear you, Yes,
Speaker 1: there were animals that were much more directly complicit. Beat pigs.
Speaker 1: Watch the whole ship, and they as smart as we are.
Speaker 1: But listen that first of all, that's not that's what
Speaker 1: they say. Look up, here's the other thing. Here's the
Speaker 1: other thing I'll say to you is, yes, some of
Speaker 1: these other animals could have done something, but not all
Speaker 1: of them were nearly as free as turtles were. Horses
Speaker 1: were are slaves of their own form, Pigs are slaves.
Speaker 1: Turtles are loose. They could have done something, and they're
Speaker 1: as smart as we are. If you read this, I
Speaker 1: don't think but you made one up, I'm gonna make
Speaker 1: one gonna the motherfuckers didn't make get out, Shut up.
Speaker 1: They're not that damn smart. Ain't that smart? Nothing that
Speaker 1: tastes that good as smart? Now, No, I think that
Speaker 1: there's a lot of Instagram bitches that would taste delicious,
Speaker 1: and they're very smarty. That's there. I can't argue with
Speaker 1: YEA points a point I don't, so you're saying that, Carl.
Speaker 1: Either way, they saw something. They've survived all this time.
Speaker 1: Their racism almost has to be cooked into the foundation
Speaker 1: of what they are, Yea, and within straws that they
Speaker 1: knows it's Norton coke. They are good dancers. Here's the thing,
Speaker 1: because they're also are you any is anyone on this
Speaker 1: panel afraid of a turtle? Uh? I wouldn't want a
Speaker 1: whole one. I remember one time a turtle got into
Speaker 1: your mo into my auntie's yard, and our neighbor, his
Speaker 1: name is Red. He he took the turtle like we
Speaker 1: walked it back down to the creek, and he like
Speaker 1: like held it the whole time and like turned it
Speaker 1: over and like chased it's it's like wrinkled. I guess
Speaker 1: he could tell how old it was from something like that.
Speaker 1: I don't know. And then he like tossed it. But
Speaker 1: I'll never forget this. This was like summer of ninety six,
Speaker 1: and like I remember watching I remember like, yeah, some
Speaker 1: ninety six watching part ridings every day, and Red walked
Speaker 1: his turtle down to to like the creek and threw
Speaker 1: it back in the water. And I was just like, man,
Speaker 1: it's a nasty animal. I don't like reptiles. Though, I
Speaker 1: thought something crazy was about to happen. But you just
Speaker 1: watched him throat and you're like, yeah, I was really
Speaker 1: on the entered my seat like and then and then
Speaker 1: the turtle eight part of red Finger. Yeah, but truly
Speaker 1: nothing happened. Na, nothing happened. You're just like that motherfucking
Speaker 1: nasty Yeah. I think he just went through the ditch
Speaker 1: and I don't know that I'm afraid of like the
Speaker 1: average turtle, but us I don't know if you've seen
Speaker 1: videos of like what snapping turtles can do. Them motherfuckers
Speaker 1: are terrifying. Yeah. They and they the quickness at which
Speaker 1: they're able to like break a fucking femur just in
Speaker 1: one bite. Yeah, I'm real scared of it. Snapping turtles
Speaker 1: weren't the ones watching slavery, though, I think snapping turtles
Speaker 1: might be the black ones. I think I snapping Turla video,
Speaker 1: look at him, I'll snapping Turler. Oh man, I haven't
Speaker 1: seen that video, but boy do I want that drop now.
Speaker 1: I'd love a snapping turlock. Wow, that's so funny. Listen, man,
Speaker 1: I mean I know that you did research and we
Speaker 1: want to hear it. I'm just not here for I
Speaker 1: like turtles. Yeah, what do you like about him? Like
Speaker 1: some animals? Okay, this is just man. I'm gonna tell
Speaker 1: you the truth. I've been to the aquarium. What's that
Speaker 1: aquarium in Kentucky across the river from Cincinnati, the big
Speaker 1: one I was in that I was I was doing
Speaker 1: go bananas. I was in that aquarium pretty high man,
Speaker 1: And just like you know, sometimes you look at an
Speaker 1: animal and you're like, I get what you're doing, and
Speaker 1: he's like, I get you're doing. That's how I felt.
Speaker 1: That's how I felt with sea turtles. You felt a
Speaker 1: bond with the sea turtles and no other I don't
Speaker 1: feel that way about horses. I don't. I don't even
Speaker 1: like animals, to be completely honest, Like, fine, that that's
Speaker 1: interesting to me that you say you don't really like animals, like,
Speaker 1: because that's what I was about to say. What I said,
Speaker 1: I'm I get canceled. I'm not a big animal guy,
Speaker 1: but you hear the people get so mad. I don't
Speaker 1: give a shit. Yeah, if I'm gonna pick an animal
Speaker 1: to like, it ain't gonna be a damn turtle or
Speaker 1: any type of reptile. That's what I turtle. You don't
Speaker 1: even hang out. We don't even we see each other
Speaker 1: once every six six years. You know what I'm saying. Well,
Speaker 1: that's why what I was gonna say is I actually
Speaker 1: think what you're who you're defending might have had the
Speaker 1: real chance for the argument you're making about not having
Speaker 1: seen anything. Sea turtles are legit under the water all
Speaker 1: the time. They're just I'm talking about I'm talking about
Speaker 1: tortoises and terrapins you're talking about, Yeah, I'm talking about
Speaker 1: the motherfuckers that are like hanging out on land watching
Speaker 1: teenage mu shit happened? Yeah, those motherfuckers are are the
Speaker 1: complicit ones. So I'll let you have your sea turtles.
Speaker 1: Not my sea turtles are for the world. But there
Speaker 1: even these land turtles. What a stop sleeping. I'm just saying,
Speaker 1: here you go. I tried to give you. I tried
Speaker 1: to give you the white legs, and now you're like,
Speaker 1: but but I also want to try a little slow.
Speaker 1: They're little in slow man, all right, that's I feel
Speaker 1: like they put turtles at the front line based off
Speaker 1: the research Carl's already presenting to us. That's not research.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just I like the way to
Speaker 1: man talk. I studied this at the University of Kentucky.
Speaker 1: All Right, we're gonna take a break. We'll be back
Speaker 1: with more Carl Tard and more. My mama told me
Speaker 1: a little good, little good, and you sing good and
Speaker 1: make love good. Oh wow, why that lady? Why is
Speaker 1: that lady? That's that's you? Said James Brown, Right, James,
Speaker 1: he did the man was the man with something else.
Speaker 1: We're still we're still talking about the possibility that that
Speaker 1: turtles are racist. H Carl seems very much on the
Speaker 1: pro and David is denying it with all of his heart.
Speaker 1: He not He's rejecting every single uh moment of what
Speaker 1: Carl's presenting to us. And so maybe the best way
Speaker 1: for us to potentially resolve this is to get into
Speaker 1: some research. Let's let's unpack some research together. To the
Speaker 1: point that you were making about that one video, I
Speaker 1: actually Carl came across a number of videos of that
Speaker 1: exact same tortoise attacking other black shoes on him, completely
Speaker 1: different days and time, the same white, same one. I
Speaker 1: will admit it's the same one. But but they so
Speaker 1: much so that this they even at one point set
Speaker 1: up a shoe maze of all white shoes. They create
Speaker 1: this elaborate maze for the turtle to walk itself through.
Speaker 1: It never attacks anything. And then at the end of
Speaker 1: that they put one black shoe right at the end
Speaker 1: of it, and it like ran and beat the fuck
Speaker 1: out of that shoe. That is hilarious. It just curb
Speaker 1: stopped a fucking shoe at the end of amaze. So
Speaker 1: it might just be this one like this this one turtle,
Speaker 1: let's see. You know, I've never once said that all
Speaker 1: white people are racist, but these turtles that saw these things,
Speaker 1: they didn't do anything. If you are neutral, you are
Speaker 1: siding with the oppressive turtle. Wait so wait, I have
Speaker 1: so many questions. Where is this one turtle? Is this
Speaker 1: a Florida turtle? It's some dude's turtle who like is
Speaker 1: a TikTok man And so it's a little weird, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. It's one of those things where
Speaker 1: it's like, where do do does anybody on TikTok live?
Speaker 1: They don't. They don't really this, yeah exactly. It's like,
Speaker 1: oh they're they're in Florida, they're like living with three
Speaker 1: teenagers and a suburb of California. Are turtles smart enough
Speaker 1: to betrayed? Uh? I don't know of any like well
Speaker 1: trained turtles. I think. I think people keep turtles as
Speaker 1: pets because they can't do much. So it's like, what
Speaker 1: do you You're not you don't know what, you don't
Speaker 1: know what you're doing, but you can't go nowhere. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you don't need And that's my thing. I don't think
Speaker 1: can any reptile be trained, like, I don't think you
Speaker 1: can't reptile be loved. No, I don't see people who
Speaker 1: people who have snakes. And if you if you're listening
Speaker 1: to this and you got a snake, be prepared to
Speaker 1: be offended. But trigger warning. Keep it internal though, I
Speaker 1: don't need to hear about it. Yeah, talk with your
Speaker 1: mother about it. Say that, dude just dis me my
Speaker 1: and I am mad about it, but I don't need
Speaker 1: to hear about it. I just I don't understand people
Speaker 1: who like to have reptiles as pets. Don't keep going.
Speaker 1: I'll say this, I actually think I think I'd love
Speaker 1: a turtle as a pet. Because it's because you're a
Speaker 1: super villain. Yeah, I'm not a good guy, but you
Speaker 1: want to be. You are, Like, you're the craziest guy
Speaker 1: I know, because you're like I think your core is bad,
Speaker 1: but everything surrounding is good. So you had to, like
Speaker 1: you had to adapt to the good despite your core
Speaker 1: wanting to be bad. And then that bad core that's
Speaker 1: what wants to up tile. No, I'm ready to light
Speaker 1: a match at any point, man. It's just truly, that's
Speaker 1: where I'm at at all times. So you're probably right
Speaker 1: about that. But I yeah, turtle seems nice. Say just
Speaker 1: you know, you feed them lettuce and you'd be like, hey,
Speaker 1: what you're doing? And then he don't care. He doesn't
Speaker 1: give a shit. He don't give a fuck. That's nice. See,
Speaker 1: And I'm a good person, And I think it's a
Speaker 1: spawn of the devil, all right. I definitely think, I
Speaker 1: definitely think snakes or spawns of the devil, because what
Speaker 1: are you? What are you protecting? I think snakes are
Speaker 1: a weirder choice for sure, Like it's that's as a pet.
Speaker 1: That's fucking because that's dangerous in a way that like
Speaker 1: even the nice ones ain't that you can you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like you can't guarantee what is a
Speaker 1: nice snake? I don't trust any anytime somebody's walking down
Speaker 1: the street with like a python around the neck, I'm
Speaker 1: crossing the street. You won't even walk back. That's the
Speaker 1: thing I've only ever seen in the South. Never seen
Speaker 1: that in the North. Just like a dude wearing a
Speaker 1: snake like a bracelet. New York City, big dog down there,
Speaker 1: santi Alli. You go down go downtown. If you're trying
Speaker 1: to get some discount clothes, go down there and You'll
Speaker 1: see guys walking around with snakes running next and round
Speaker 1: their wrists like white can't. I can't stand them. It's
Speaker 1: it's just like, you know what you're doing. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like, you know what you're doing, you
Speaker 1: expect that I'm gonna be as excited about it as
Speaker 1: you are. Get that ship out of my fucking face. Man,
Speaker 1: don't even come near me, and no, I don't want
Speaker 1: to hold it. You. Ones that make me your most
Speaker 1: murderous are the ones that that no, you're fine, No
Speaker 1: you're you get it out, man. Just just I'm just
Speaker 1: saying because they got a snake, and then they're looking
Speaker 1: at you like you're some kind of a bitch because
Speaker 1: you're with your girl, and it's like, bro, I'm not
Speaker 1: like a bitch because I don't want to hold your snake.
Speaker 1: It's not a weird fucking guy. Like anyway, I'm sorry
Speaker 1: that happened to you, man. And I will say that
Speaker 1: the ones that make me the most nervous of the
Speaker 1: dudes who start taking it off before you've even had
Speaker 1: a conversation where they're like they're already ready to hand
Speaker 1: it to you, is that's when I'm like bro, I
Speaker 1: get that you're comfortable, but let me like hold my
Speaker 1: hand out like a puppy or some shit and let
Speaker 1: the snake identify me. I don't know what it fucking
Speaker 1: needs to get him by the owner of this tortoise,
Speaker 1: who who has come out and sort of at one
Speaker 1: point made jokes about the turtle being racist, but then
Speaker 1: walked it back I think when the Internet believed him.
Speaker 1: But the owner explained that he believes the tortoise is
Speaker 1: doing this because black shoes look to the tortoise like
Speaker 1: other tortoises, and apparently male tortoises or tortoises in general,
Speaker 1: tend to be extremely territorial with each other and thus
Speaker 1: violent when they come across each other in more public spaces.
Speaker 1: Can't see I guess, not enough to distinguish a leather
Speaker 1: shoe and another animal. Yeah, but I I would argue
Speaker 1: that don't. This is the least believable part of the
Speaker 1: thing that I've come across, where like, at least for me,
Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, man, I I don't know about this whole.
Speaker 1: Just because he has a tortoise doesn't mean he's like
Speaker 1: a tortoise scientist. Like, I don't who the fuck is
Speaker 1: this guy? I don't believe where's his research? Yeah, he's
Speaker 1: not like a learned tortoise. Man, you're a dude with
Speaker 1: a turtle. Put it. Put him in the ring with
Speaker 1: another tortoise. I want to see. Yeah, don't tell him,
Speaker 1: don't keep using the shoes. Oh man, they all there
Speaker 1: was a lot of tortoises at the store. I wish
Speaker 1: I could, like, I wish, I uh. I tried to
Speaker 1: get another tortoise, but they was all a lot of
Speaker 1: tortoises at the store, so all I had was the
Speaker 1: there for us one. All right, right now, you know
Speaker 1: what you're doing. You keep putting black shoes in the
Speaker 1: ring because if we see it around another tortoise and
Speaker 1: it's chill, oh oh oh, this is the whole ship
Speaker 1: falls apart. I don't think that. Yeah, I think that.
Speaker 1: I think this is a one off. I think this
Speaker 1: is a weird guy with a color blind turtle that
Speaker 1: gets confused. He's capitalisizing off of it. But I don't,
Speaker 1: I don't, I don't, I don't I I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't think that this is Like here's the last thing
Speaker 1: I'll say, and I hear you, but here's the last
Speaker 1: thing I'll say is, I've never seen a single video
Speaker 1: in the history of my time on this planet of
Speaker 1: a tortoise behaving that way with another tortoise. I've seen
Speaker 1: a lot of videos of tortoises in the same little cage.
Speaker 1: Never once has any one of them been headbutting the
Speaker 1: other tortoise aggressively. Come on, okay, but how many times
Speaker 1: have you ever seen another video of a tortoise doing
Speaker 1: anything to anything black besides this one in the shoes? Well,
Speaker 1: I don't see enough black people. Yea, wait a minute, No,
Speaker 1: wait a minute, got a big as simple, Wait a minute,
Speaker 1: this is a wall, and now you're not gonna get
Speaker 1: points to work. Goddamn minute, ding ding ding. I'm with
Speaker 1: DJ d Red, take those points back. What I'm saying
Speaker 1: is is I don't see enough black people around tortoises
Speaker 1: to be able to pull from from what you're describing,
Speaker 1: not what I'm describing. Yeah, well, you're imagining a world
Speaker 1: where black people were constantly hanging out with turtles and
Speaker 1: I don't see it. I'm saying I've I've never seen
Speaker 1: any other video to provide this and evidence besides this one,
Speaker 1: even with Carl and Red that turtle didn't bite red, right,
Speaker 1: it just like that's why we called them red. As
Speaker 1: a Native American, I should have seen that. Yeah, I didn't.
Speaker 1: I didn't stand too close to the damn thing. Also,
Speaker 1: I want to say, I do see a lot of
Speaker 1: tortoises wearing Luca Donte's jerseys and none of them. And
Speaker 1: then he just keeps saying he plays cleaner bassmen, he
Speaker 1: plays the right way. Tortoise hit fifty thousand on mc
Speaker 1: McClung's dunk contest. Man, we don't. I don't want to
Speaker 1: talk about that. I want to talk about Reading about
Speaker 1: all of this did remind me of some of the
Speaker 1: things that I know to be true about segregation in
Speaker 1: the animal community. There is there are versions of real
Speaker 1: segregation that happens. For examples, when baby chicks are born,
Speaker 1: they often will separate themselves from brown and yellow. Like
Speaker 1: I've seen literal video of it from my former agent,
Speaker 1: who like used to have a farm and shit, and
Speaker 1: it's literally they come out the fucking edge and then
Speaker 1: they go like brown over here and yellow over there,
Speaker 1: and then they just like kind of do chick shit separately.
Speaker 1: Your agent was like, see, length, this is why separation
Speaker 1: is not as bad as it's in the it's in
Speaker 1: the animal kingdom. You understand the tape for barbershops. Six,
Speaker 1: let just send the tape then. Sure. It was like
Speaker 1: I can, I can finally live out my truth. You're
Speaker 1: a brown chick. It it did make me go well,
Speaker 1: and in considering Carl's suggestion about these racist turtles, it
Speaker 1: did at least introduce supremise that animal racism, or at
Speaker 1: the very least separation can exist, which might lead to racism.
Speaker 1: If one of those yellow chicks, god forbid, were to
Speaker 1: force its way into that brown circle, they might have
Speaker 1: to beat his ass or vice versus. Do you think
Speaker 1: there was ever a yellow chick that like assimilated, Like, nah,
Speaker 1: he's just with us now he gets faces, I hope.
Speaker 1: So I was thinking we grew up with it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I always out there's just one yellow chicken there, like
Speaker 1: that white kappa. You know what I mean, sim he's
Speaker 1: real hard, Shimmy's like a motherfucker guy. Ended up coming
Speaker 1: across an article on a website called Backyard Chickens dot com.
Speaker 1: This is your this is your research. Come on, bro,
Speaker 1: I would argue, this is harder than what they do.
Speaker 1: It as someone who's found himself off in our backyard
Speaker 1: chickenheads dot com. If similar, they're not, they're not. And
Speaker 1: and believe me, I was familiar and it did auto
Speaker 1: Phil and I had to delete head tind to get
Speaker 1: heads out the way because we were focused on chickens,
Speaker 1: not today. Satan is what I yelled out. But I
Speaker 1: found an article from somebody who has this exact problem
Speaker 1: with their chicks or actually chickens, and went and they
Speaker 1: basically said, just wondering if my birds are strange or
Speaker 1: if I can fix this. I have six silkies, three
Speaker 1: black hens, two black roosters, and one white rooster. The
Speaker 1: five black birds totally ostracize the white guy, and the
Speaker 1: black ruse pick on him and chase him. He is
Speaker 1: very shy, timid guy and tries very hard to be invisible.
Speaker 1: My plan is to find a home from one of
Speaker 1: the black ruse and possibly form okay, all right, go ahead, whoa, whoa, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're sounds like one of them is not assimilating. That's
Speaker 1: what I thought, too, because you can totally relate it
Speaker 1: to him. He's like he's just a good guy and
Speaker 1: they just don't know him. He gets real fucking actually
Speaker 1: with that black room, even though they're fine. The five
Speaker 1: black ones are chilling, having a good time together from
Speaker 1: what I can understand, And here comes this white cornball.
Speaker 1: Because he listens to John Mayor, he can sustay in
Speaker 1: the house. No, it was a why it was a
Speaker 1: wild choice, especially because he goes on to say and
Speaker 1: possibly a new home for the white one. But I
Speaker 1: had an idea, and I'm wondering if it might work.
Speaker 1: The black rue I'm keeping his head honcho, and since
Speaker 1: this white guy is so submissive, I was hoping it
Speaker 1: would be possible to keep him too. I don't want
Speaker 1: him to be alone though, So I was wondering if
Speaker 1: I adopted a couple of white hens, would they hang
Speaker 1: out with him or would the dominant black route take
Speaker 1: them too. I'm also getting two Rhode Island Reds in
Speaker 1: a few weeks. My neighbor is growing them up for me.
Speaker 1: With chicks, any advice is appreciated. Here's my advice, go
Speaker 1: and get a girlfriend, because this is the sane. Go
Speaker 1: ahead the backyard chickenheads dot com because you're spending too
Speaker 1: much time on just regular backyard chickens. What is this gaming?
Speaker 1: You just let those chickens kill each other, let them,
Speaker 1: let them peck each other alive. What is this your business,
Speaker 1: an idiot, And that's chickens. But I mean to go
Speaker 1: back to the foundation of this whole argument. Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1: I still stand with I don't believe the turtles are racist.
Speaker 1: I think this one guy figured it out how to
Speaker 1: like get some money off of his turtle. I think
Speaker 1: turtles are too dark to be racist. Turtles as why
Speaker 1: would they look at white people? And the turtles are
Speaker 1: dark outside this Cubans can be dark as hell too,
Speaker 1: and the motherfucker's turn on us immediately. That's different podcasts,
Speaker 1: that's whole different. Yeah, they don't. They don't like us
Speaker 1: for a second. My experiences told me I'm not black. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I hear you. Turtles are dark as hell. They're They're
Speaker 1: one of the darker animals than the animal kingdom. I
Speaker 1: it's it's hard to know why why turtles are behaving
Speaker 1: this way, sir, or at least I don't think turtles
Speaker 1: would be. I think there's one and there's a rogue everything,
Speaker 1: you know. I mean, you can find one rogue any
Speaker 1: any any group anything. It's not hard to find one
Speaker 1: rogue I think this is just one crazy turtle. I
Speaker 1: don't think we can. I don't think we can besmirche
Speaker 1: the good name of Turtles, teenage mutant Ninja Turtles didn't
Speaker 1: have any black friends. No, we didn't have any friends friends.
Speaker 1: April Neil was a dear, but they were trying to fuck.
Speaker 1: She was trader leave willing to fuck Raphael for a minute.
Speaker 1: There was like a weird like tension between them. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying they didn't have a lot of friends. They
Speaker 1: didn't have Casey Jones. Yeah, and he was cool as hell. Yeah,
Speaker 1: belly out that was he masked, the number one cool
Speaker 1: thing about Yeah. He was so confident. Guy didn't care
Speaker 1: what anybody understands. So confident. I like Casey Jones. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm googling. They didn't have any black friends. What about
Speaker 1: well Bebop and rock study. I believe if if we're
Speaker 1: a reference in the old cartoon, those started off as
Speaker 1: as one was black and one was white. And they
Speaker 1: weren't friends though, and they were their enemies. They were
Speaker 1: in fact their greatest enemies. But they never said they
Speaker 1: didn't have any like Hamsye black. I think they're right right, Oh,
Speaker 1: they had the ninja rat. Oh, don't buy a white man, right,
Speaker 1: a white man calling it a ninja rat go, ninja go,
Speaker 1: ninja go. Ye oh oh yeah, sound like nigga nigga
Speaker 1: rat to me, somebody needs to call Van that nigga
Speaker 1: nigga rat. Get Umar on the phone and let's rats.
Speaker 1: Let's let's drop this on that suspicious. You don't find
Speaker 1: that suspicious. You don't find that suspicious. I've never That's
Speaker 1: another man who's confidence I admire because his willingness to
Speaker 1: repeat a thing over and over again directly in camera
Speaker 1: the way he said it moments ago. I don't have it.
Speaker 1: I could never in my life be that guy. It's
Speaker 1: one of the best reasons to listen to him. Good luck. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, when he's gonna nail something, he's like, hey, y'all,
Speaker 1: didn't hear me, Oh you didn't know I was with
Speaker 1: the ninjas. Here's the last little piece of research I'll
Speaker 1: present to y'all. The One of the things that I
Speaker 1: also came across is that a number of people talked
Speaker 1: about the racist history in the naming of certain animals.
Speaker 1: That a number of animals we don't realize our racist
Speaker 1: lee named are in fact racistly names. For example, uh,
Speaker 1: the the Scots oriole, which is some bird indigenous to Yeah,
Speaker 1: indigenous to California, I guess was named after a person
Speaker 1: named Windfield Scott, a US military commander who led the
Speaker 1: Trail of Tears, which killed four thousand Cherokees and displaced
Speaker 1: more than a hundred thousand people. And then he got
Speaker 1: why they name the bird after and then they were like,
Speaker 1: because that fucking bird's cool, and we fuck with you.
Speaker 1: You know, I know what you're saying, But I thought
Speaker 1: you were gonna be like like the coon pigeon, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know that. Well, what would it surprise you
Speaker 1: if I told you that there's in fact a jiggaboo dragonfly. No,
Speaker 1: I'm joking there is. Wouldn't that be cool? Someone get
Speaker 1: this jiggaboo await from me? Wouldn't that be cool if
Speaker 1: there was a jiggaboo dragonfly? And I was right this
Speaker 1: whole time about the porch monkey, No, it's because it
Speaker 1: comes from Latin porches. Yeah, no, there, Uh, there's something
Speaker 1: called the gypsy moth. In fact, that just another example.
Speaker 1: In fact, they've now come across eighty different species that
Speaker 1: they are attempting to call out and now rename as
Speaker 1: a result of like the deep racist entomology happening with
Speaker 1: the the their naming animals. Eighty eighty. God, that that's
Speaker 1: they've crossed so far? How many a black? The snapping
Speaker 1: turtle snapping turler because because somebody said, somebody's gonna make
Speaker 1: it fun of people, snapping turler went up to the
Speaker 1: shoes and women look at the weak ass shoes, and
Speaker 1: another snapping turtle was like, give them, yeah, I I
Speaker 1: eighty different species. They don't specify. H I didn't. I
Speaker 1: didn't get a full list of the popes. I'll say this,
Speaker 1: it got. It has to be so bad that there
Speaker 1: is now entire, an entire organization or a part of
Speaker 1: an organization dedicated to result in this problem. The Moology
Speaker 1: Society of America. That's somebody's job every day. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: then they have a campaign called the Better Common Names Project,
Speaker 1: where that it is dedicated to identifying racist names and
Speaker 1: finding more reasonable alternatives for these animals. Yeah. So they
Speaker 1: some of these are saying there there's some niggas in there,
Speaker 1: like they just have sure. Yeah, sure, because you don't
Speaker 1: pay a person's whole salary over that. You know what
Speaker 1: I mean, like, yeah, something bad happened, Olivia. Is there?
Speaker 1: Any way, by next week we can get that list.
Speaker 1: We should just do a mini episode where we read
Speaker 1: the entire list of racist animal names. Ye, that's one.
Speaker 1: We we take turns and we get the guests who
Speaker 1: who the fuck has the most race or what race
Speaker 1: is associated with these racist names. But for today's I
Speaker 1: feel like I feel vindicated. I feel like I started
Speaker 1: out saying I didn't think turtles were racist. I think
Speaker 1: we came along and we discovered that turtles aren't racist. Carl,
Speaker 1: do do you feel like that's correct? Do you feel
Speaker 1: like that's what you felt after this? Yeah? You know what?
Speaker 1: I feel like this might be one example is I
Speaker 1: didn't know that all the videos of these were the
Speaker 1: same turtle. So I feel like this one turtle may
Speaker 1: just be like you know, Diamond and Silk, and was like,
Speaker 1: this is my turtle? Yeah, who are my turtles? Are
Speaker 1: my turtles? So I'll outside with a boy just because
Speaker 1: I don't I don't want to be the guy because
Speaker 1: you know, you call all turtles racist, then no turtles
Speaker 1: can be racist. So yeah we can. We can definitely
Speaker 1: individualize just so we can keep the power in the word,
Speaker 1: because it's real unrelated. I will say that my favorite
Speaker 1: part of the Diamond and Silk moment that happened a
Speaker 1: few weeks ago, I'll be gentle with my words on
Speaker 1: this is that Trump went to the funeral, was number
Speaker 1: one furious that it was a black funeral and therefore
Speaker 1: took as many hours as it did. But then but
Speaker 1: then moreover went up and said he didn't even know silk.
Speaker 1: He said, I've never met the silk before in my life.
Speaker 1: Diamond's the one I liked. I like Diamond and she's
Speaker 1: dead now, but still I don't know this bitch. And
Speaker 1: then the funeral so long because I had that man
Speaker 1: like marching with a pillow in the beginning, singing that's home.
Speaker 1: Truly one of the funniest funerals that's ever occurred in
Speaker 1: the history of man. And we couldn't even like laugh
Speaker 1: at it because the violence that could incur from from
Speaker 1: people reacting just wasn't worth it. But my goddess, that
Speaker 1: funny that he just was furious. It is great funny.
Speaker 1: He's us. He's a funny guy. He's just that was
Speaker 1: never up for debate, that was never know and I'm
Speaker 1: sick of. There was a moment where people were trying
Speaker 1: to pretend like it's not even funny, and it's like, no,
Speaker 1: you're come on, y'all, come on, you can't be in
Speaker 1: comedy and say that guy's not funny. Like he's like,
Speaker 1: they're definitely work on what people being like. I just
Speaker 1: don't like how people are calling him funny because that
Speaker 1: humanizes him in a way and it doesn't. I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: the man is objectively funny. Yeah, he's the funniest since
Speaker 1: when the steamer have anything to do with morality? Yeah,
Speaker 1: people are usually the funniest. Hey. Yeah, It's it's not
Speaker 1: that I aligned with anything he's saying, and it's certainly
Speaker 1: not me being like I think we should keep more
Speaker 1: of him. But boy, oh boy, this is just us
Speaker 1: watching a set. He is killing m Yeah. If you
Speaker 1: weren't murdering, if you weren't from America, you would be like,
Speaker 1: that guy's hilarious. That's crazy. If you were just in
Speaker 1: Turkey watching, you'd be like this dude, can't miss Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're like, I can't wait till we get comedy here.
Speaker 1: That's fun people's wife. I can't wait till we get
Speaker 1: comedy here. We don't have comedy in Turkey. Soon first
Speaker 1: democracy that comedy, Carl Uh, could you tell the people
Speaker 1: where they can find you on what cool shit you
Speaker 1: have going on? Oh? Man, I am on Instagram at dammit,
Speaker 1: Carl d A M M I T C A R
Speaker 1: l Uh just Instagram and uh check out Grand Crew
Speaker 1: on Friday nights to day thirty pm starting March third
Speaker 1: on the National Broadcasting Company. Are you watching on Peacock
Speaker 1: the next day? Oh yea yeah, those are good the Yeah,
Speaker 1: we'll go watch Grand Crew watch it, watch the first
Speaker 1: season and then go watch March third and follow Carl
Speaker 1: uh and and Borie. You want to tell them where
Speaker 1: they can find you? Oh uh? Cool? That joke City
Speaker 1: seven on Instagram. I have all my dates there. You
Speaker 1: can't start watching April thirdam in a cartoon called Royal
Speaker 1: Crackers on Adult Swim and then HBO Max the next day.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, and then you know, eat some eat some
Speaker 1: turtle stew, eat some turtle stew, falk about these animals. Yeah,
Speaker 1: all right, that that got mean at the end. At me,
Speaker 1: my god, don't leave your dog around David. Uh, but
Speaker 1: you can follow me at Lengthston Kerman on all platforms.
Speaker 1: I think I'm the only person still doing Twitter out there,
Speaker 1: but yeah, come come see what poison I'm dropping off
Speaker 1: on that side. And UH, as always you can. You
Speaker 1: can send us your conspiracy theories, you can send us
Speaker 1: your drops. You can tell to UH David exactly what
Speaker 1: you think of him and his regards about the animals
Speaker 1: at my Mama pod at gmail dot com. We would
Speaker 1: love to hear from you. Follow the YouTube, and I
Speaker 1: think that's it. Follow the YouTube and buy bitch my
Speaker 1: crop chips in your quala bars? Are racistsstly money turkey stuff?
Speaker 1: I can't tell me