WEBVTT - Getting You and Kelly Bensimon to Another 'I Do' 0:00:16.440 --> 0:00:18.640 Welcome back to I Do Part two, the podcast that's 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:21.280 all about finding love again and where some of your 0:00:21.280 --> 0:00:24.280 hosts Amy here along with TJ and Janna, And this 0:00:24.320 --> 0:00:26.640 is part two of our conversation with Kelly ben Simone 0:00:26.640 --> 0:00:29.720 from the Real Housewives of New York and Ultimate Girls Trip. 0:00:30.120 --> 0:00:32.120 Do you think girls should go out to meet guys 0:00:32.120 --> 0:00:33.960 in groups like the Ultimate Girls Trip? 0:00:35.159 --> 0:00:36.800 You know when that Ultimate Girls Trip, They're always like, 0:00:36.880 --> 0:00:38.920 introduce me, to introduce me, introduce me. So I'm constantly 0:00:38.960 --> 0:00:40.760 introducing them to everybody, and then they don't like the 0:00:40.800 --> 0:00:42.920 guys and I'm just like, I didn't say, like you 0:00:42.960 --> 0:00:46.120 asked me to introduce you. I'm like, Hi, this is 0:00:46.159 --> 0:00:48.440 the way, mister Rinda. 0:00:48.280 --> 0:00:51.040 Right, Like TJ, would you rather meet someone in a group. 0:00:51.040 --> 0:00:53.479 I mean, obviously you're in a lovely relationship, but with 0:00:53.600 --> 0:00:54.880 you were single, would you want to meet in a 0:00:54.880 --> 0:00:57.320 group or in a one on one setday? 0:00:57.360 --> 0:01:01.000 No, I'm always been it's more one on one orthetic. Yeah, like, 0:01:01.080 --> 0:01:03.760 just meet people. I don't like being set up. I 0:01:03.800 --> 0:01:05.920 don't like, well, she'll be there and we'll go with 0:01:05.959 --> 0:01:06.360 our group. 0:01:06.640 --> 0:01:06.800 No. 0:01:07.000 --> 0:01:09.279 Just in day to day life, you just meet people 0:01:09.319 --> 0:01:11.720 and it's sot to hear about dating apps, and I 0:01:11.760 --> 0:01:14.080 hear that now, and that just blows my mind to 0:01:14.080 --> 0:01:17.160 where they're I couldn't imagine doing that. I'm from I'm 0:01:17.200 --> 0:01:19.280 forty seven now, so I grew up in an era 0:01:19.360 --> 0:01:22.280 where that wasn't necessarily the case, the dating online. But 0:01:22.319 --> 0:01:25.040 I just I guess you hear me talking about it. 0:01:25.080 --> 0:01:27.440 A prenup is not romantic to me or you hear 0:01:27.840 --> 0:01:30.600 I just just old fashioned in that way. So I 0:01:30.680 --> 0:01:34.760 just organically think, why can't people just meet people? We 0:01:34.840 --> 0:01:36.959 see people all the time, but we don't give people 0:01:37.280 --> 0:01:39.280 that we see on the train or at a restaurant 0:01:39.360 --> 0:01:41.520 or down we're looking at our phone when the level 0:01:41.520 --> 0:01:43.560 of your life might be at the end of the ball, right, 0:01:43.600 --> 0:01:46.400 you don't even look down there. That is my mindset 0:01:46.440 --> 0:01:46.640 on it. 0:01:46.760 --> 0:01:49.400 Yeah, one Rya is so superficial too. I mean there's 0:01:49.600 --> 0:01:52.680 so many beautiful people, especially on those apps, and Rya 0:01:52.760 --> 0:01:55.520 specifically where it's just supermodel after supermodel and there and 0:01:55.520 --> 0:01:57.880 the ones in Portugal or Istanbul or like. 0:01:59.040 --> 0:02:02.120 I was saying everything, I don't even take photos like that. 0:02:02.160 --> 0:02:04.840 These guys are like so they're like doing backflips off 0:02:04.880 --> 0:02:07.800 of like mountains and like these exotic places I'm like, 0:02:07.800 --> 0:02:09.160 what is happening here? Yeah? 0:02:09.200 --> 0:02:11.280 It just looks really pretty, and I feel like that's 0:02:11.320 --> 0:02:13.480 where it's like, oh they can get somebody better with 0:02:13.480 --> 0:02:15.160 a swipe of a finger, right. 0:02:15.240 --> 0:02:19.280 Wow, You're always being compared to someone's adventure or their 0:02:19.320 --> 0:02:22.600 photoshop this or that. That's crazy. How much more difficult 0:02:22.760 --> 0:02:25.359 is it to date in your I mean you've been 0:02:25.400 --> 0:02:27.320 single for a long time. Have you found it to 0:02:27.360 --> 0:02:29.480 be more difficult the older you get? 0:02:29.560 --> 0:02:29.680 What? 0:02:29.880 --> 0:02:33.040 Like, do you feel like what you have to choose 0:02:33.080 --> 0:02:36.480 from gets as a smaller pool? What's that been like? 0:02:37.639 --> 0:02:41.640 So you know, I feel like, you know, I've been single. 0:02:41.680 --> 0:02:44.000 I mean I've been single for a while since I 0:02:44.040 --> 0:02:45.800 got divorced in two thousand and seven, So I've been 0:02:46.240 --> 0:02:49.080 single since like two thousand and six. And you know, 0:02:49.280 --> 0:02:51.120 I think that there was you know, I met a 0:02:51.200 --> 0:02:53.680 lot of different people, but it was like, really more 0:02:53.720 --> 0:02:57.360 about my mindset and that's another kind of advice. So 0:02:57.440 --> 0:02:59.840 we talked about bandwidth, but also like the mindset, so 0:03:00.360 --> 0:03:04.240 you know, kind of really being open to dating. I 0:03:04.360 --> 0:03:09.720 was so worried about my children, about raising them from Rockford, Illinois, 0:03:09.760 --> 0:03:11.760 like I'm living in New York City, like with all 0:03:11.800 --> 0:03:14.440 these like you know things, and I'm just like, how 0:03:14.480 --> 0:03:17.240 am I going to raise my kids? And with a 0:03:17.240 --> 0:03:20.120 suburban mindset in an urban environment, that was like what 0:03:20.280 --> 0:03:23.400 I was constantly thinking about. I wasn't thinking about like, hey, 0:03:24.280 --> 0:03:27.359 that guy's hot, you know. And then I went on 0:03:27.560 --> 0:03:30.120 housewives and housewives really even though I was on the 0:03:30.120 --> 0:03:32.520 cover Playboy and I had all these you know, beautiful 0:03:32.520 --> 0:03:37.160 accolades and everything was really exciting. You know, fighting with 0:03:37.480 --> 0:03:40.720 a woman on a television show really made a lot 0:03:40.760 --> 0:03:43.640 of guys being like what's the tea here? Like what 0:03:43.840 --> 0:03:45.680 is going on? I'm like, by the way, I get 0:03:45.720 --> 0:03:48.400 paid a lot of money to argue with females and 0:03:48.600 --> 0:03:51.520 like that's not my thing, but you know a lot 0:03:51.520 --> 0:03:53.800 of guys are kind of like what is going on here? Like, 0:03:54.400 --> 0:03:57.320 you know, why would someone want to marry someone who's 0:03:57.440 --> 0:03:59.640 known for arguing with women? Do you know what I mean? 0:03:59.680 --> 0:04:04.520 Like, wow, chances in the day about that? 0:04:05.000 --> 0:04:07.200 No, because it was just I mean, it was such 0:04:07.240 --> 0:04:10.040 a huge opportunity. I mean, I wrote, you know, I 0:04:10.240 --> 0:04:12.600 wrote two books before, three books before that, and then 0:04:12.680 --> 0:04:15.760 four books after two novels, Like a lot of different 0:04:15.800 --> 0:04:18.680 opportunities that came my way that would never. I Mean, 0:04:18.920 --> 0:04:21.160 one of the reasons that I'm so successful in real 0:04:21.279 --> 0:04:23.760 estate is because I know so many people, and when 0:04:23.760 --> 0:04:25.920 people see things I'm doing, they're like, oh, that's good 0:04:25.960 --> 0:04:28.600 because it's her. So, I mean, it's been such an 0:04:28.600 --> 0:04:32.600 amazing opportunity, but it was very, very difficult for me personally. 0:04:33.160 --> 0:04:35.920 Kelly, we just watched back the Scary Island episode today 0:04:35.960 --> 0:04:39.360 actually before, just to be reacquainted with that. 0:04:40.560 --> 0:04:42.440 Have you watched it? Rewatched it? 0:04:42.520 --> 0:04:45.320 Like, do you look back and think I shouldn't have 0:04:45.360 --> 0:04:47.159 done this, I shouldn't have said this, or you do 0:04:47.200 --> 0:04:50.240 you own and and stay true to everything that we 0:04:50.279 --> 0:04:51.760 saw on that episode. 0:04:51.839 --> 0:04:54.800 So I before I was on Housewives, I had this 0:04:54.880 --> 0:04:59.080 amazing acting coach name is Anthony Abson, and he said 0:04:59.080 --> 0:05:00.880 to me, he's like, if you're to go on this show, 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:06.320 He's like, you need to be one hundred percent authentic 0:05:06.680 --> 0:05:08.640 because if you're going to go on the show, you 0:05:08.680 --> 0:05:11.719 can't be something else because later on in life, whatever's 0:05:11.760 --> 0:05:14.760 going to happen, You're going to have to acknowledge all 0:05:14.760 --> 0:05:19.039 these things. And so I was literally one hundred percent 0:05:19.040 --> 0:05:22.039 authentic and I'm I'm dealing with it would be like 0:05:22.080 --> 0:05:24.560 being in a scene with someone where you're like, you're 0:05:24.600 --> 0:05:26.760 true and the other person is like looking away or 0:05:26.800 --> 0:05:29.159 like waiting for their moment for them to like have 0:05:29.279 --> 0:05:32.160 so their kind of narrative play out. And so I 0:05:32.200 --> 0:05:34.840 was like, wait, I'm sorry, what's happening right now? Which 0:05:34.880 --> 0:05:36.760 scene are we in? Because I missed that. I thought 0:05:36.800 --> 0:05:41.440 we were talking about X or whatever. And so, you know, 0:05:42.240 --> 0:05:44.720 a lot of you know, not a lot one woman 0:05:44.839 --> 0:05:47.400 just in particular, she was just like, I will do 0:05:47.440 --> 0:05:48.800 this and this is how I'm going to do it, 0:05:48.839 --> 0:05:51.279 and whatever is in my way, I am going to 0:05:51.360 --> 0:05:54.000 get rid of it. And I just happened to be 0:05:54.520 --> 0:05:56.520 that person you were in the way. Yeah, I was 0:05:56.560 --> 0:05:59.040 in the way. But what was the good news too? 0:05:59.080 --> 0:06:00.159 Is that I was in the way, But you know 0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:05.320 it also made me, you know, very successful, So you know, 0:06:05.360 --> 0:06:09.240 it's bittersweet, but I mean, I'm proud of like who 0:06:09.279 --> 0:06:12.280 I am. And you know, I don't like it when 0:06:12.279 --> 0:06:14.880 people say like I was edited poorly, because don't go 0:06:14.920 --> 0:06:17.040 on reality TV if you're going to talk about being edited. 0:06:17.240 --> 0:06:19.279 Do you know what I mean? This isn't like ABC, 0:06:19.560 --> 0:06:23.799 This isn't you know, a podcast. This is a television 0:06:23.839 --> 0:06:25.760 show that you know needs to fit a certain amount 0:06:25.760 --> 0:06:29.560 of time, and it's seven storylines, one big storyline. You know, 0:06:29.600 --> 0:06:31.719 it has there's things that has to have to happen. 0:06:31.920 --> 0:06:33.760 Would you go back on if they asked you to come? 0:06:33.880 --> 0:06:35.640 Well, I did The Ultimate Girls trub I just finished. 0:06:36.080 --> 0:06:38.440 But the New York Ones, I know they're going to 0:06:38.480 --> 0:06:39.719 reboot my characters. 0:06:39.760 --> 0:06:41.920 Well. See I know Jenna really well from j Crew 0:06:42.040 --> 0:06:44.680 and Uba and I know each other really well. I 0:06:44.680 --> 0:06:47.720 don't know the other ladies, but I just, I mean 0:06:47.760 --> 0:06:51.400 I think that yeah, I definitely. I mean, of course, 0:06:51.560 --> 0:06:53.240 like I was one million dollars listening. I had so 0:06:53.320 --> 0:06:56.120 much fun. Like I love reality TV because I'm just myself, 0:06:56.200 --> 0:06:59.680 Like I don't I'm not unapologetically myself, and I think 0:06:59.720 --> 0:07:02.960 that it's like sometimes endearing and sometimes. 0:07:03.080 --> 0:07:05.719 Amy's like laughing, She's like, oh my god, No, I 0:07:05.760 --> 0:07:07.680 love it though. I mean, I think no matter what, 0:07:07.839 --> 0:07:09.960 we and we meet a lot of people who we 0:07:10.040 --> 0:07:13.240 all think we have a certain idea of whether they're 0:07:13.280 --> 0:07:15.440 actors or reality TV shows, and when you actually get 0:07:15.440 --> 0:07:18.080 to meet them, you know right away when someone is 0:07:18.120 --> 0:07:21.040 exactly who they are. They're not putting on airs, they're 0:07:21.040 --> 0:07:24.840 not performing, and you are that you are authentic, you 0:07:24.960 --> 0:07:27.880 are unapologetically you, which I and I think a lot 0:07:27.880 --> 0:07:30.720 of people are always appreciative of because you what you 0:07:30.760 --> 0:07:33.040 see is what you get, yah, and that to me 0:07:33.280 --> 0:07:36.640 is mostly all you can ask for in a relationship. Right. 0:07:36.680 --> 0:07:40.000 Everything else is it's just it's false and it's impossible 0:07:40.000 --> 0:07:40.600 to navigate. 0:07:41.040 --> 0:07:41.400 Yeah. 0:07:41.520 --> 0:07:43.080 No, I was just gonna say it's hard because I 0:07:43.120 --> 0:07:45.920 don't I don't religiously watch the Housewives shows. I just 0:07:46.000 --> 0:07:48.440 kind of, you know, follow certain people on Instagram, which 0:07:48.480 --> 0:07:51.280 is you know how Bethany slash Brittany or whatever. How 0:07:51.840 --> 0:07:55.200 When I look at but it's like, so I only 0:07:55.240 --> 0:07:57.760 know because like to me, I'm like, oh, she's authentically her, 0:07:57.920 --> 0:08:00.640 you know. And so I'm like, is that like? I guess, 0:08:00.920 --> 0:08:02.640 you know, because then I look at you, I'm like, 0:08:02.640 --> 0:08:04.720 you're beautiful, You're authentically you. So I'm like to me, 0:08:04.760 --> 0:08:06.800 I'm like, oh, I think you guys would be best friends, 0:08:06.840 --> 0:08:09.600 you know, because like two authentic, beautiful women. But I 0:08:09.600 --> 0:08:10.160 guess you know. 0:08:10.960 --> 0:08:14.800 But different people have like different pathways to success, right 0:08:15.080 --> 0:08:18.720 Mine is to celebrate people and hers is to tear 0:08:18.760 --> 0:08:22.080 them down. So it's just just different. It's not good 0:08:22.200 --> 0:08:23.880 or bad, it's just totally different. 0:08:24.000 --> 0:08:26.000 Is there no chance here? Are you open to you 0:08:26.080 --> 0:08:27.920 all having a I don't know, you all could do 0:08:28.000 --> 0:08:30.440 a reunion show with just YouTube going together and people 0:08:30.440 --> 0:08:33.079 would go crazy about it. Are you open to because 0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:35.720 you all have made such an imprint on pop culture 0:08:35.720 --> 0:08:37.520 in a lot of ways, and certainly with the franchise, 0:08:38.040 --> 0:08:39.960 But to see two people who are beloved and have 0:08:40.000 --> 0:08:43.080 such great fan bases, it would be great to see 0:08:43.120 --> 0:08:43.400 you all. 0:08:43.480 --> 0:08:44.560 I mean I have to get paid a lot of 0:08:44.559 --> 0:08:48.960 money for that. Sorry, So I fight, Yeah, I fight 0:08:49.040 --> 0:08:52.880 for a price. Yeah, I mean I would be I. 0:08:52.920 --> 0:08:54.560 You know, it's funny because she asked me to be 0:08:54.600 --> 0:08:57.480 on her on her podcast last year before Bravo con 0:08:57.520 --> 0:08:59.920 and then this was this was right way a franch 0:09:00.240 --> 0:09:04.160 Yeah it is, But it was right when she was 0:09:04.200 --> 0:09:07.360 having issues with you know, Screen Actors Guild and kind 0:09:07.360 --> 0:09:11.120 of putting ingratiating herself into an environment which actually really 0:09:11.240 --> 0:09:16.400 was bad for everybody in television. And I just was 0:09:16.559 --> 0:09:17.760 very not interested. 0:09:17.800 --> 0:09:18.800 I just was not into it. 0:09:19.120 --> 0:09:22.000 I just wasn't interested in like engaging when she was 0:09:22.040 --> 0:09:25.440 doing something that was hurting our how we make money. 0:09:26.000 --> 0:09:28.120 So that was like a big no no for me. 0:09:28.200 --> 0:09:29.560 So I told her that we could do it like 0:09:29.600 --> 0:09:33.120 maybe sometime like twenty twenty eight or something, twenty twenty eight. 0:09:33.240 --> 0:09:36.000 So you're saying there's a chance, you know, I just. 0:09:36.040 --> 0:09:37.040 Saw window open. 0:09:37.160 --> 0:09:37.600 Thank you. 0:09:37.679 --> 0:09:38.600 Yeah, you know, I. 0:09:38.520 --> 0:09:40.840 Have to say as well, Look, I am a I 0:09:40.920 --> 0:09:43.360 don't watch the didn't watch the franchise, but I am 0:09:43.400 --> 0:09:45.920 a Bethany frank The only time I've been around Bethany Frankly, 0:09:46.000 --> 0:09:48.040 she was wonderful to me and I spent time with 0:09:48.080 --> 0:09:50.319 her and grilled her and asked her all kinds of 0:09:50.400 --> 0:09:52.120 questions because I needed help at the time with something 0:09:52.160 --> 0:09:54.040 that Robot and I were going through. So she's been 0:09:54.160 --> 0:09:56.000 so I want to say that as well. We're not 0:09:56.040 --> 0:10:00.120 here Bey, but she was wonderful to do me and 0:10:00.160 --> 0:10:03.080 my daughter at a concert. So I just wanted to 0:10:03.080 --> 0:10:05.160 make sure it didn't feel like we were all just here. 0:10:05.280 --> 0:10:07.240 We're just going to show on Bethany again. No, no, no, 0:10:07.559 --> 0:10:07.959 and no. 0:10:08.000 --> 0:10:09.720 And that's why I said too. I was like, there's 0:10:09.760 --> 0:10:12.800 you know, different strokes for different folks, and you know, 0:10:13.440 --> 0:10:16.400 had there been like you know, something, we'd been on 0:10:16.480 --> 0:10:18.400 air and then afterwards she would have been like, oh 0:10:18.400 --> 0:10:20.839 my god, that was so fun and we could have had, 0:10:20.840 --> 0:10:23.600 but there was no She was just like, you are 0:10:23.880 --> 0:10:27.560 bad and I am good, and that's just and you 0:10:27.559 --> 0:10:31.800 know what when and listen, you know, for me, it's 0:10:31.800 --> 0:10:33.800 like it's not like a trigger, but it's just you know, 0:10:34.160 --> 0:10:36.480 again we talked, we're talking. This whole thing is about, like, 0:10:36.640 --> 0:10:41.520 you know, second chapters, and second chapters means for me 0:10:42.000 --> 0:10:44.400 that my children come along. And I'm sure you know 0:10:44.440 --> 0:10:47.240 a lot of women that are in this new chapter 0:10:47.320 --> 0:10:49.200 in their life are going to have at least one 0:10:49.280 --> 0:10:52.559 child with them. And you know, when you are impeded 0:10:52.600 --> 0:10:55.800 the ability for a mother to make money for her child, 0:10:56.200 --> 0:11:00.520 that is an absolute line in the sand for me. 0:11:01.040 --> 0:11:04.280 So that's all I'm saying. We like that to me. 0:11:05.240 --> 0:11:07.800 You're here now, that's like, here's my penry here. 0:11:07.559 --> 0:11:09.959 And what is like, what is the the ultimate dating 0:11:10.080 --> 0:11:13.400 red flags for you? And what you would help mentor 0:11:13.559 --> 0:11:15.720 our listeners? 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:19.400 I guess you know, just talking badly about your ex. 0:11:19.640 --> 0:11:21.720 I mean even though the thing there's things about my 0:11:22.120 --> 0:11:24.440 you know, ex fiance that I didn't like. I'm saying 0:11:24.960 --> 0:11:28.320 he wasn't my lobster Like that doesn't mean I hate him. 0:11:28.640 --> 0:11:30.200 I just was like, this is not something that we 0:11:30.200 --> 0:11:34.559 should be doing and we're learning from that experience. So 0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:38.440 like we thank him for helping me talk to other 0:11:38.520 --> 0:11:42.080 people about you know, possibilities for you know, women and 0:11:42.160 --> 0:11:45.120 men alike in the future. But for Red Flag, for me, 0:11:45.120 --> 0:11:48.240 it's just like just not being like good to your. 0:11:48.040 --> 0:11:50.920 Ex, Like that's an actual I remember talking to one 0:11:50.920 --> 0:11:53.160 of my girlfriends I dated someone post divorce, and I'm like, 0:11:53.200 --> 0:11:55.680 he keeps calling his wife crazy and I'm like and 0:11:55.720 --> 0:11:57.640 I'm like, that is bothering me because I'm like, I'm 0:11:57.640 --> 0:11:59.880 also an ex wife and i know that, right, But 0:12:00.280 --> 0:12:02.559 also what also made her crazy too? You know, I'm like, yes, 0:12:02.600 --> 0:12:05.160 she can be crazy, but there's there's other sides to 0:12:05.240 --> 0:12:07.520 that story as well, Like he also probably played into 0:12:07.559 --> 0:12:10.720 that too. Like ever, each side has a part in 0:12:10.920 --> 0:12:11.440 that play. 0:12:11.840 --> 0:12:13.640 You know, it can all make sense until you become 0:12:13.679 --> 0:12:14.560 the ex wife, right. 0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:20.880 Right, Wait a minute, she was crazy very differently now. 0:12:22.160 --> 0:12:25.040 But I'm always like when someone says something, I'm always like, oh, 0:12:25.120 --> 0:12:27.480 you know, maybe, well, you know, maybe you didn't like that, 0:12:27.600 --> 0:12:29.679 but maybe you could just text her and just be like, hey, 0:12:29.679 --> 0:12:31.520 I don't really like that, but you know, see you 0:12:31.559 --> 0:12:34.120 on Thursday. Maybe, Just like I was always like trying 0:12:34.160 --> 0:12:36.960 to like help you know, I'm always like trying to 0:12:36.960 --> 0:12:39.840 help them, like because listen, my ex husband's French and older, 0:12:40.200 --> 0:12:43.120 Like no one is dealing with more of a like 0:12:44.080 --> 0:12:48.240 a personality. It's like, kik, what do you doing why? 0:12:48.520 --> 0:12:53.520 I'm like, okay, okay, form, do not call me a 0:12:53.520 --> 0:12:56.480 pet name. Okay, Like let's like line in the sand here, 0:12:56.760 --> 0:12:59.080 like just be you know, just to try to try 0:12:59.080 --> 0:13:02.080 to like soften the bl sometimes too, because you know, 0:13:02.320 --> 0:13:05.240 we're you know, we're with kids and we want them 0:13:05.280 --> 0:13:08.560 to be you know, feel good about their parents, whether 0:13:08.559 --> 0:13:11.360 they're friendly or not. You know, like that's super important too, 0:13:11.400 --> 0:13:14.280 Like we're responsible for our kids. We're responsible for how 0:13:14.320 --> 0:13:18.199 they are going to be seeing relationships. And so that's 0:13:18.240 --> 0:13:19.040 the other thing too. 0:13:19.840 --> 0:13:22.040 What are you looking for? I know you're out there, 0:13:22.120 --> 0:13:25.280 you've said that. What are the qualities that are you 0:13:25.480 --> 0:13:28.560 have to have these things for me to actually want 0:13:28.600 --> 0:13:30.000 to spend the rest of my life with you? And 0:13:30.080 --> 0:13:31.840 are you looking for that life partner? 0:13:32.240 --> 0:13:34.640 Oh my god, yes, of course I'm looking for that. 0:13:34.679 --> 0:13:37.920 I mean I have a twin brother, Like I love 0:13:38.120 --> 0:13:42.320 being around men, and my twin brother was just like 0:13:42.360 --> 0:13:46.760 he's such a great father and human and like I'm 0:13:46.800 --> 0:13:48.680 just like and I had such a great dad. I 0:13:48.720 --> 0:13:51.040 had such a great dad, and so I'm just looking 0:13:51.040 --> 0:13:52.960 for like those I mean I know that, like I 0:13:52.960 --> 0:13:55.079 set the bar really high because they were so awesome, 0:13:55.120 --> 0:13:57.840 But I'm just looking for that kind of like partner 0:13:57.920 --> 0:14:00.600 in crime, like to do everything together like good, bad 0:14:00.640 --> 0:14:02.960 and ugly, like days are going to be shitty, but 0:14:03.080 --> 0:14:05.960 like like you guys, like you guys are literally i 0:14:06.000 --> 0:14:07.480 mean just like the cutest, Like. 0:14:07.679 --> 0:14:12.320 There's like hearts here, everyone's going to hate. 0:14:13.280 --> 0:14:14.720 That's very sweet cartoon hearts. 0:14:14.800 --> 0:14:18.319 Like I know, like, Okay, you guys are very unique 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:21.160 and special and like I'm so excited for you. But 0:14:21.760 --> 0:14:23.320 you know, for me, I just want to be around 0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:27.480 someone that's just just genuinely cares about my well being 0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:31.000 and not like how I can help them. 0:14:31.040 --> 0:14:34.040 Well, you're going to be giving advice to obviously our 0:14:34.040 --> 0:14:36.240 listeners to help find love. Is there any advice that 0:14:36.280 --> 0:14:38.960 you want in the dating world that you that you're 0:14:39.000 --> 0:14:39.520 looking like. 0:14:39.480 --> 0:14:42.280 What am I doing wrong? Like I've been single for 0:14:42.320 --> 0:14:44.920 such a long time, Like what am I doing wrong? 0:14:45.040 --> 0:14:47.720 Like am I what am I doing? 0:14:47.760 --> 0:14:49.440 One that's so funny? Isn't that a woman thing? 0:14:49.520 --> 0:14:51.040 I just want to say, like that like hurts my 0:14:51.080 --> 0:14:53.120 heart hearing because I always was like, is it's me, 0:14:53.280 --> 0:14:55.400 it's something I'm doing wrong. I'm like, I hate and 0:14:56.000 --> 0:14:58.000 it makes me sad that that's where women go because 0:14:58.000 --> 0:15:00.440 it's like, there's nothing that you are doing wrong. Nothing. 0:15:00.520 --> 0:15:02.800 I mean, you might be picking certain men, but there's 0:15:03.720 --> 0:15:06.280 there might be a reason because you've got something unhealed, 0:15:06.320 --> 0:15:08.600 or you have to work through something personally, but it's 0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:11.440 you're beautiful, you're showing up and it's just not the 0:15:11.480 --> 0:15:12.680 right person to meet you there. 0:15:13.080 --> 0:15:15.600 I don't know, as complimentary as you were too, Robok 0:15:15.640 --> 0:15:17.680 and I here and how sweet and how wonderful that 0:15:17.760 --> 0:15:20.800 things are great and it is amazing. We went through 0:15:20.840 --> 0:15:24.320 hell to get here, and that's unfortunately too often people 0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:26.480 don't want to go through the hell, don't think they 0:15:26.880 --> 0:15:29.720 should have to go through the hell to get that 0:15:29.840 --> 0:15:32.160 last thing. So sometimes after two or three months, when 0:15:32.200 --> 0:15:35.200 they see that warning sign, they say, I'm gonna stick 0:15:35.200 --> 0:15:36.720 with this because I don't want to start over. I 0:15:36.760 --> 0:15:39.600 don't want to. But it was this is four divorces 0:15:39.640 --> 0:15:42.920 down here, this is lost careers, public shame. All this 0:15:43.080 --> 0:15:46.120 hell had to happen for us to be smiling the 0:15:46.160 --> 0:15:49.280 way we're smiling now, but we are, and I am 0:15:49.320 --> 0:15:51.720 grateful for what we did have to go through. Not 0:15:51.760 --> 0:15:54.360 at the time, but damn, I'm sitting here with you 0:15:54.360 --> 0:15:56.480 two in this studio with the love of my life. 0:15:56.560 --> 0:16:00.680 My kids are great, families, are all together, happy and 0:16:00.800 --> 0:16:05.640 healthy for the first time in my adult life. And yes, 0:16:06.040 --> 0:16:07.680 helpful required. 0:16:07.320 --> 0:16:10.200 Yeah, I mean, I hope is an important part of 0:16:10.240 --> 0:16:12.800 it when you're going through the divorce or the struggle 0:16:12.800 --> 0:16:16.320 of trying to find someone, knowing that there is the potential, right, 0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:18.920 That's what we all are wanting to know and believe, 0:16:18.920 --> 0:16:20.720 and I'm hoping we can provide some of that, but 0:16:20.760 --> 0:16:24.160 it doesn't always come easily. And I think something I've learned. 0:16:24.200 --> 0:16:27.680 I'm curious what you think about this, Kelly, And I've 0:16:27.680 --> 0:16:31.280 said this before. The big distinction with TJ and me 0:16:31.480 --> 0:16:36.160 is our friendship. There is just this unbelievable friendship and respect, 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:39.320 mutual respect, and I think it's everything built from there. 0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:43.400 Have you thought about looking for that friend first that 0:16:43.440 --> 0:16:46.040 could develop into something passionate later. 0:16:47.120 --> 0:16:50.760 That I love that. I think that what happens to 0:16:50.880 --> 0:16:54.400 me is that guys see me and they're just like you. 0:16:54.800 --> 0:16:58.040 Mine like I'm just gonna I'm just their Jane and 0:16:58.040 --> 0:17:00.480 they're just gonna pull my hair oft into the sunset 0:17:00.600 --> 0:17:04.159 like that's just like okay, they're like that's mine. And yeah, 0:17:04.240 --> 0:17:07.000 every single man has been like that's your mind, and 0:17:07.040 --> 0:17:12.080 I'm going, you're a possession, yes, And I just don't 0:17:12.119 --> 0:17:12.640 want that. 0:17:12.640 --> 0:17:13.360 That's not respect. 0:17:13.480 --> 0:17:15.680 I don't want that, and I you know, I think 0:17:15.680 --> 0:17:17.320 and then another thing too, people are you know a 0:17:17.359 --> 0:17:19.959 lot of men are like, well, you're educated, so you're intimidating. 0:17:20.000 --> 0:17:24.280 It's like why, and well. 0:17:24.240 --> 0:17:28.399 So they're intimidating, they're educated, they're they're doing all these things, 0:17:28.440 --> 0:17:31.240 Like why am I intimidating? You know, It's like I'm 0:17:31.240 --> 0:17:35.280 not doing anything that should be like like I call 0:17:35.359 --> 0:17:37.720 a value add like I want to be around people 0:17:37.760 --> 0:17:39.600 that make you better. I don't want to be around 0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:42.760 people that are like, oh, you know, you're not good 0:17:42.880 --> 0:17:45.239 enough or you know, I don't want to do that. 0:17:45.280 --> 0:17:48.160 Well, if a man's intimidated by your education or your success, 0:17:48.280 --> 0:17:50.360 then that means he's got insecurity issues and you don't 0:17:50.359 --> 0:17:52.399 want to deal with that. So he's eliminated now at 0:17:52.400 --> 0:17:54.280 this point, right, I mean, I feel like that's actually 0:17:54.320 --> 0:17:57.960 a good way to filter some of the guys you 0:17:58.040 --> 0:18:01.359 might meet, because if that's even an issu you, then it's. 0:18:01.240 --> 0:18:03.919 A non starter, right, I will say that too, like 0:18:03.960 --> 0:18:07.199 for what's wrong with you? For me, it's always been 0:18:07.200 --> 0:18:08.840 the timing. Like if I would have met my husband 0:18:10.800 --> 0:18:14.280 a few even just five years ago, I'm there was 0:18:14.280 --> 0:18:16.160 so much stuff I personally had to work on myself. 0:18:16.200 --> 0:18:18.919 I would have ruined that relationship in a heartbeat, like 0:18:19.000 --> 0:18:21.879 with all of my unhealed traumas and pasts and stuff, 0:18:21.920 --> 0:18:24.439 I would have one thousand percent ruined it. So I 0:18:24.480 --> 0:18:28.119 had to meet him later at forty to appreciate, to 0:18:28.160 --> 0:18:29.920 know that I actually do deserve this love. I don't 0:18:29.920 --> 0:18:32.120 need something toxic. I don't have to walk this walk. 0:18:32.200 --> 0:18:34.240 So like I think too, I don't know if there's 0:18:34.320 --> 0:18:37.840 anything that you can do in the meantime to whatever 0:18:37.880 --> 0:18:40.240 pieces that you feel that you want to work on. 0:18:40.520 --> 0:18:42.520