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Speaker 1: Hey, John, you're under arrest.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, don't do it. I'm an og Okay start

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Speaker 2: time podcast hosts. I don't care.

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Speaker 3: I'm making sure that you stay here for the next

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Speaker 3: two minutes.

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Speaker 2: All right, I'll be detained for the two more minutes

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Speaker 2: before we get into this episode.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we got some ads coming up, so stick around.

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Speaker 1: Stick around.

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Speaker 4: My husband neglects our daughters to hang out with his nephews.

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Speaker 3: Maybe his nephews are cooler boys.

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Speaker 2: Boy time, boy time, poy time. Hi.

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Speaker 4: Hi, I had an issue yesterday with my husband, which

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Speaker 4: I'm conflicted about regarding whether I was in the wrong.

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Speaker 4: My husband and I have two daughters, six and eight.

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Speaker 4: My sister in law and her family live a couple

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Speaker 4: of blocks away from us, and they have two boys,

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Speaker 4: both nine years old. Her husband is in the army,

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Speaker 4: so he's away from home a lot. By the way,

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Speaker 4: this comes from user reasonable Vast twenty five seventy six,

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Speaker 4: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 4: to the r slash Okay Storytime subburn it.

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Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, I'm Keon. We're here to give

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Speaker 2: you a good advice. Goof him, But we don't have

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Speaker 2: all the answers. We just know what we would do,

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Speaker 2: so just tell us what you would.

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Speaker 3: Do well, not been well, blanc in the comments.

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Speaker 2: When he's a way.

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Speaker 4: The boys come to our house often. They are great boys,

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Speaker 4: respectful and energetic. When they're here, my husband takes them

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Speaker 4: to the park to play soccer. They always say they

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Speaker 4: have a great time, and my sister in law also

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Speaker 4: thanks us for it. When they're not around, my husband

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Speaker 4: takes our daughters to the park too. I often join

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Speaker 4: them and they also look forward to it. However, when

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Speaker 4: my husband takes the boys along, even though we encourage

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Speaker 4: our girls to go along, they tell me they do

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Speaker 4: not enjoy it.

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Speaker 2: Basically, the boys get super.

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Speaker 4: Competitive and it's not fun the way it is when

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Speaker 4: it's just them with my husband. I take them along

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Speaker 4: by myself, but apparently it is not as much fun.

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Speaker 4: My husband can also only do some days of the

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Speaker 4: week and when their father is away, the boys come

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Speaker 4: on those days. Yesterday I asked my husband to talk

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Speaker 4: to his sister and set some kind of limit to

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Speaker 4: those days because our daughters like going to the park

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Speaker 4: with him for soccer and it's not the same with

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Speaker 4: me or when they go with him and the boys.

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Speaker 2: He looks taken.

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Speaker 4: Aback and said that they're good kids. Their dad is

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Speaker 4: away for long stretches, and they seem to have fun there.

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Speaker 4: I said, I never said they were not good kids,

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Speaker 4: just that our daughters felt like they.

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Speaker 2: Were missing out. He said, he'll encourage them more to

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Speaker 2: come with them, and he'll make sure things don't get

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Speaker 2: too competitive.

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Speaker 3: That's not the issue, though. They just want to do

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Speaker 3: stuff with their dad.

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Speaker 2: I think that is the issue. I think. I think

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Speaker 2: you bring the girls and you say, go kick.

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Speaker 3: Those kick them, give them a good kick.

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Speaker 2: But like in the soccer it's sock away.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, kick them in the sheep, kick.

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Speaker 2: The soccer ball.

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Speaker 3: He needs to understand that they probably just want to

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Speaker 3: do stuff like with him that they like, not necessarily

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Speaker 3: cater to what the nephews like, which is what he seems.

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Speaker 2: Do they want to go to the park and play soccer.

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Speaker 4: They just don't want to play with the nephews because

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Speaker 4: then the nephews gets you competitive.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe maybe he sits them out. They do shifts.

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Speaker 3: He goes, okay, boys, it's the showers.

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Speaker 2: Girls.

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Speaker 4: Let's go all right, boys, you run ten laps around

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Speaker 4: the field.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, up, it's a warm up.

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Speaker 3: Maybe we do that. We go, boys run around the field,

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Speaker 3: girls come in, play a little soccer. Girls run around

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Speaker 3: the field, boys come in. Like maybe we switch off.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, bring bring another ball?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, maybe even like a variety of les soccer ball,

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Speaker 4: tennis ball, volleyball, whiffleball, baseball, pickleball, pickleball, pickle it's a

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Speaker 4: shuttle cock. I said, We've gone through that before, and

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Speaker 4: it is just not fun for them. He said, telling

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Speaker 4: his nephews this would be cruel and made it sound

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Speaker 4: like I was an a.

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Speaker 2: Hole for suggesting it. So I wanted to ask, am

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Speaker 2: I the a hole?

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Speaker 3: But I think there's gotta be an easy solution to this.

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Speaker 2: There just must be have their dad retire from the military. Yeah, easy, easy, pleasy.

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Speaker 3: I mean, have the little boys joined the military as

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Speaker 3: the ball catchers.

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Speaker 2: I don't think anyone's really an a.

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Speaker 4: Hole here because he's like, well, they need their my

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Speaker 4: nephews and they need like a their dad has gone

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Speaker 4: all the time. Yeah, Like, so maybe you maybe just yes,

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Speaker 4: what's off your daughters, and then Opee can take the nephews.

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Speaker 3: And then and then we switch and then Opee takes daughters,

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Speaker 3: Dad takes girls.

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Speaker 2: I think thing though. Competition is good.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but if they're being rough.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. If they're being rough they're just competitive.

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Speaker 3: They might be being rough, work.

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Speaker 2: Hard, playard, you know what I'm seeing.

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Speaker 3: I don't know. I think the girl strong, it's not

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Speaker 3: about strength.

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Speaker 2: We've got some comments. Comment one. There has to be

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Speaker 2: a happy medium to be found.

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Speaker 4: Can you play with the boys at the park some

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Speaker 4: days while your husband spends more time with the girls.

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Speaker 4: Can your husband plan other activities that aren't soccer for

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Speaker 4: everyone to do together.

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Speaker 2: I agree he needs to.

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Speaker 4: Prioritize the girls, but don't think any group has to

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Speaker 4: suffer to do so. Opie says, I'll try suggesting this,

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Speaker 4: Thank you. I've tried with the girls, but they're not

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Speaker 4: nearly as enthusiastic about it with me than with their dad.

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Speaker 4: He makes it a lot more fun for them. The

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Speaker 4: boys might be easier to keep happy.

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Speaker 2: Lol. Yes, just give them rocks.

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Speaker 3: Well, the thing is that I think what you do

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Speaker 3: is you have take them to the parks when it's

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Speaker 3: his time with each group, and then you do another

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Speaker 3: activity with them then, and then everything's chill and you

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Speaker 3: find your own activity that they like to do with you.

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Speaker 2: You say, boys, we're going to the park. We're gonna

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Speaker 2: find as many worms as possible.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, search for worms or roly police.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we're bug folk.

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Speaker 3: Mm.

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Speaker 2: Info.

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Speaker 4: Do you and sister in law take your daughters to

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Speaker 4: do fun activities like mini spa days or take them

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Speaker 4: out for ice cream?

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Speaker 2: If not, then it might be something to consider. I

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Speaker 2: get it your.

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Speaker 4: Daughter's misspending time with their dad when their cousins come over.

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Speaker 4: But how often can the boys say that about their dad.

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Speaker 2: They need some male influence, and it appears their uncle

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Speaker 2: is all they have. I'll say no ales here op.

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Speaker 4: He says, yes, I do take them out, not really

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Speaker 4: with my sister in law, I guess, but we all

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Speaker 4: do go out to eat together sometimes.

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Speaker 2: Coming through, he says, no, the a hole.

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Speaker 4: But I understand why your husband feels bad about telling

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Speaker 4: his nephews he won't spend as much time with him.

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Speaker 4: I'm very close with mine and it would break my

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Speaker 4: heart to disappoint them. I think the solution might be

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Speaker 4: in finding another activity to do with all the kids.

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Speaker 2: Let's say the boys are there twice a week.

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Speaker 4: Maybe they go play soccer once and the other day

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Speaker 4: they do an activity that the girls and boys enjoy,

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Speaker 4: or a day he goes with the boys and the

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Speaker 4: next one you do something with the boys and he

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Speaker 4: goes with the girls. Unless you're not close with them

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Speaker 4: or don't really have a bond, Splitting up the time

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Speaker 4: between both parents so you both spend time with your

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Speaker 4: nephews and your daughters might be a good solution, Ope says.

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Speaker 4: Someone else suggested the same, and I liked that approach. I,

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Speaker 4: along with my sister in law together maybe could do

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Speaker 4: these park sessions with the boys on days my husband

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Speaker 4: is busy, so that the girls get their one on

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Speaker 4: one soccer time with their dad. Comment four, question what

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Speaker 4: does the split in time look like and how much

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Speaker 4: quality and separate time does your husband get with the

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Speaker 4: boys versus his quality and separate time with his daughters.

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Speaker 4: Let's say your husband takes the daughters two days a week,

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Speaker 4: and then he takes the nephews two days a week,

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Speaker 4: and then he has the nephews and the daughters two

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Speaker 4: days a week and the last day all of you.

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Speaker 4: In a case like this, it would feel like the

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Speaker 4: nephews are prioritized more if they do take over playtime

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Speaker 4: with your husband when the daughters are there. It's not

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Speaker 4: clear how skewed the dynamic is, and there's an edit

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Speaker 4: to add. Would it help if you watched from Afar

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Speaker 4: to see the dynamics firsthand, to understand how your husband

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Speaker 4: is when it's just him and the four kids. What

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Speaker 4: exactly does competitive mean and does it change how your

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Speaker 4: husband interacts with the kids. Ohp, he replies, So Tuesdays,

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Speaker 4: Sundays and sometimes Fridays are when he takes them for soccer.

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Speaker 4: And I'm reading the comments and some seem to suggest

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Speaker 4: I'm jealous.

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Speaker 2: It's not that.

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Speaker 4: It's just I've seen how much my daughters look forward

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Speaker 4: to those days when the boys don't come around when

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Speaker 4: their father's here. They get all dressed in their kit

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Speaker 4: and come back super happy. When their father's away. The

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Speaker 4: boys come on these days, sometimes not Tuesdays, and the

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Speaker 4: girls used to accompany them all, but they've just complained

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Speaker 4: now it's not fun for them and only really look

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Speaker 4: forward when it's just their dad and them.

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Speaker 2: I've seen them all play.

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Speaker 4: When he's playing with our daughters, their play is unstructured

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Speaker 4: and just them are running around with the boys. I've

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Speaker 4: seen him try to keep it like that, but it

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Speaker 4: just becomes a bit competitive, and my daughters start doing

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Speaker 4: their own thing midway.

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Speaker 2: Through Come at five, not the ale.

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Speaker 4: If it's so bad that even his daughters see it,

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Speaker 4: then he is seriously neglecting his kids. He either needs

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Speaker 4: to find something different that all the kids will enjoy together,

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Speaker 4: or discipline the boys for being too competitive and make

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Speaker 4: sure his own children feel involved.

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Speaker 3: I don't think it's neglecting. Yeah, I think when you

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Speaker 3: have okay, having taken care of like you know, I've

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Speaker 3: taken care of four kids at a time, and I've

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Speaker 3: taken care of like it's always like three boys, one

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Speaker 3: girl split what these this family I used to babysit

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Speaker 3: for And a lot of times the boys would want

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Speaker 3: to do like we have like nerve fights in the

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Speaker 3: basement and or like run around, play tag or whatever.

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Speaker 3: And the older girl she didn't necessarily want to do

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Speaker 3: that all, and so I would do I would, you know,

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Speaker 3: I'm I'm sorry. I would do that with a younger

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Speaker 3: boy and then maybe I'd set them up with something

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Speaker 3: and then I'd go hang out with her. I don't

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Speaker 3: think necessarily the answer is like tell the boys to

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Speaker 3: unless they're rough housing and being like too rough. I

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Speaker 3: don't think that, Like, the answer doesn't has to be

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Speaker 3: stop being competitive, like stop doing that. I think it

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Speaker 3: could just be like, let's have girl time, daddy daughter time,

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Speaker 3: daddy nephew time, Mommy daughter time, mommy nephew time. You know,

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Speaker 3: I don't think it's neglect. I think it's just figuring

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Speaker 3: out how to babysit for kids who have different interests

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Speaker 3: at the same time.

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Speaker 2: I would just take a tricky take them to the aquarium.

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Speaker 4: I'm guessing there's an element of favoritism in here too,

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Speaker 4: in that he was probably hoping for a son to

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Speaker 4: do all the sporty things with and ended up with

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Speaker 4: two girls, which is ridiculous because my daughters have way

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Speaker 4: more in common with their dad than a son.

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Speaker 2: Would.

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Speaker 3: I want to say that that sounds inaccurate to what

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Speaker 3: we're reading.

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Speaker 2: Your ridiculous commenters.

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Speaker 3: I will say I'll call it out if I see

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Speaker 3: it in a story, but that it doesn't feel like

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Speaker 3: what's happening here, especially because we know that he likes

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Speaker 3: taking his daughters to the park. Yeah, we know that

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Speaker 3: that's like a the established thing. He likes playing soccer,

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Speaker 3: kicking the ball with them. It's just right now when

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Speaker 3: he takes them all. They don't like to join in

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Speaker 3: because the boys get too competitive.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, I don't know. My daughters do like sporty thing.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, they really look forward to going to the park

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Speaker 4: with him when it's just them, and I really have

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Speaker 4: tried to do the same things he does with them

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Speaker 4: at the park, but I honestly don't know where I'm

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Speaker 4: going wrong.

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Speaker 3: Well, maybe go with them next time, you know, you

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Speaker 3: learn from the best.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, get it right from the horses.

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Speaker 4: And my husband also put up a basketball hoop in

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Speaker 4: our backyard and the girls are really into shooting hoops

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Speaker 4: with them too, And they haven't told him about their

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Speaker 4: issue with.

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Speaker 2: Playing with the boys directly.

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Speaker 4: My oldest just said she doesn't want to, and my

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Speaker 4: husband just kind of said that's okay.

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Speaker 2: But when he and the.

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Speaker 4: Boys had left, I asked her and her sister and

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Speaker 4: they said they don't like playing with the boys. They

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Speaker 4: steal the ball and play too fast, et cetera. I

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Speaker 4: would probably just take the nephews. I'd be like, hey,

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Speaker 4: you know, your cousins are six, right, so when you

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Speaker 4: like beat them in soccer, you're not.

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Speaker 2: Really doing anything. Instead of trying to make it like

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Speaker 2: a thing where you win. Let's just make it a

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Speaker 2: thing where we all have fun. Yeah, and then slow

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Speaker 2: it down a little bit.

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Speaker 3: And then you can even like again, like you can

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Speaker 3: have the time where you say, hey, like when we're

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Speaker 3: playing with the girls, these are the rules. We're gonna

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Speaker 3: be a little bit chiller, and then we'll do a

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Speaker 3: little game. We'll switch off. We'll do a little game

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Speaker 3: with just the you know, people want to be competitive,

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Speaker 3: and then we'll do a little like chiller game. You

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Speaker 3: can you can have both.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you won't be competitive. Then you'll go up against me.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, like you could literally just challenge them and then

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Speaker 3: or your husband could challenge them and then go back

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Speaker 3: and then say, okay, you guys go play for a bit,

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Speaker 3: like we'll find sticks, I don't know, and then and

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Speaker 3: then we'll I'll play with the girls.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I think there's an easy solutionaire.

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Speaker 4: Another commenter says, not to jump to conclusions whatsoever, but

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Speaker 4: is there any chance your husband potentially wanted sons instead

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Speaker 4: of daughters?

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Speaker 2: Wow, look at you jumping immediately.

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Speaker 3: Because people didn't read the story. Like he clearly likes

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Speaker 3: playing or you know, doing sporty activities with his daughters,

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Speaker 3: and so do the daughters.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I think these people are being a little bit assumptive

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Speaker 3: to think like, oh, the girls don't want to play sports.

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Speaker 2: It's not the case. Nonetheless, not the a hole.

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Speaker 4: He needs to lock in and spend some undivided time

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Speaker 4: with his daughters, Opie says, all we cared about when

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Speaker 4: we were having them was that they be healthy.

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Speaker 2: My husband loves my daughters and dotes on them.

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Speaker 4: I know I made the post and maybe didn't provide

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Speaker 4: enough background, but both my daughters are daddy's girls, and honestly,

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Speaker 4: it's part of the reason I felt the need to

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Speaker 4: ask him, because they're not getting the time with him

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Speaker 4: that I know they enjoy.

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Speaker 2: And there is an update.

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Speaker 3: Wow, those commenters did not read the story.

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Speaker 4: They just wanted him to be the bad guy. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: and it's like it don't really makes anywhere.

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Speaker 2: Here is the bad guy.

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Speaker 3: Oh, he's literally spending time with his nephews whose father

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Speaker 3: is currently in the military on leave or not on leave,

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Speaker 3: but currently yeah, you know, in the military. What's the

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Speaker 3: word I want to say, on call duty, deployed, on duty,

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Speaker 3: active active military member. So I think to say, like, oh,

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Speaker 3: he's a bad person for wanting to spend time with

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Speaker 3: nephews who don't have a father right now or around

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Speaker 3: them at least. Pretty pretty narrow minded, and it's clear

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Speaker 3: that he loves his daughters and wants to play. They

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Speaker 3: just need to find an activity that works.

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Speaker 2: Update.

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Speaker 4: Since today was a holiday, he was going to let

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Speaker 4: his sister know that he'd be taking the kids to

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Speaker 4: the park earlier today, so the boys should come earlier.

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Speaker 4: I asked my older daughter separately whether she wanted to go,

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Speaker 4: and she said no, even though she had been hyped

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Speaker 4: for it in the morning. I told my husband this

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Speaker 4: while she was cuddling with him. He asked her why

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Speaker 4: she didn't want to come, but she was avoiding giving

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Speaker 4: a reason. Eventually, my husband asked if it was because

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Speaker 4: she didn't like playing soccer anymore.

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Speaker 2: She said no, she did. Then he brought up whether

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Speaker 2: it was because of the cousins, and she's shyly admitted

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Speaker 2: that yes, but didn't give the details that she'd given

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Speaker 2: me about the competitive nature and everything. My husband hadn't texted.

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Speaker 4: His sister yet, so he told the girls the boys

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Speaker 4: can't join right now, and if they still wanted to

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Speaker 4: go to the park, we could all go. Both My

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Speaker 4: daughters suddenly really wanted to go and went to get dressed.

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Speaker 3: I think you just create a schedule, yeah, and you go, okay, girl,

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Speaker 3: we're gonna have an hour and then boys are going

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Speaker 3: to come in an hour, and there we go. Because

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Speaker 3: you already he already said like, oh well, let's do

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Speaker 3: it earlier, so clearly you know he's got he's got

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Speaker 3: that time.

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Speaker 4: I think you should change the activity to some form

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Speaker 4: of jousting, like if you had them ride on like

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Speaker 4: my brain is seeing like pigs.

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Speaker 2: Put the children on some like large.

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Speaker 3: Pigs, minecraft style carrot carrots.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and then just sort of joust with like a

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Speaker 4: phone like some yeah, some kind of like foam or

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Speaker 4: plastic object.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Or have the girls roll the boys around, yeah,

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Speaker 2: because I know the boys would love that and the

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Speaker 2: girls would love that. Put the boys in a big

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Speaker 2: hamster ball and have the girls kick.

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Speaker 3: It around, because I think they have a reasonable you know,

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Speaker 3: gripe these girls because I remember being three four years

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Speaker 3: younger than a lot of the boys I was playing

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Speaker 3: with because my brother was four years older, and you know,

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Speaker 3: you wanted, you want to keep up with them, but

365
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Speaker 3: like you're much younger, so you can't necessarily because I

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Speaker 3: think the split is like six and nine or whatever,

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Speaker 3: like the boys are nine ish boys are nine and

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Speaker 3: the girls are six six six seven seven.

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Speaker 4: Well, we're at the park now and the girls are

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Speaker 4: having fun with him. I think he's going to take

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Speaker 4: the boys later in the evening. I'm not sure, but

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Speaker 4: my daughter telling him seems to have made more of

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Speaker 4: an impact than me saying it did.

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Speaker 2: Update two.

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Speaker 4: Heck, yeah, look at that update to A few people

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Speaker 4: have asked me if we've made any progress. So last Tuesday,

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Speaker 4: after we'd gone to the park in the afternoon with

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Speaker 4: the girls because of the holiday, he'd planned on taking

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Speaker 4: the boys separately. I told him he'd be too tired,

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Speaker 4: but then he couldn't because he was beat. So he

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Speaker 4: told his sister something had come up. His Fridays are

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Speaker 4: a hit or miss on when he gets back. It

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Speaker 4: kind of depends. He usually knows beforehand, though, so my

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Speaker 4: oldest daughter had asked him about his Friday plan on

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Speaker 4: Thursday night. He had said he'd be back early and

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Speaker 4: they'd be good to go to the park. He then

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Speaker 4: talked to her about whether it would be a good

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Speaker 4: idea to have her cousins come too, saying it would

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Speaker 4: be fun like they all used to have, and the

390
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Speaker 4: girl said okay. When they came back back, my husband

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Speaker 4: thought he'd done a good job moderating things, and the

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Speaker 4: girls also said it had been okay. They weren't as

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Speaker 4: enthusiastic as they are when they come with him alone.

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Speaker 4: So over the weekend I just asked my oldest if

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Speaker 4: their playtime at the park had gone better because Daddy

396
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,000
Speaker 4: had been trying to make it fun for everyone. She

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Speaker 4: said it was, but that he isn't as into the

398
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Speaker 4: game with them as he is otherwise. Basically, the gist

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Speaker 4: of what I was getting was that he takes more

400
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Speaker 4: of a referee role and it's just different from what

401
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,760
Speaker 4: they're used to. I've gone along when it's just us,

402
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Speaker 4: so I kind of understand what she's talking about. It's

403
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Speaker 4: supposed to be them playing soccer with him, but it's

404
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,920
Speaker 4: not really. It's very unstructured and they'll start playing whatever

405
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:38,520
Speaker 4: the girls feel like midway through.

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Speaker 2: It's just more spontaneous. I guess I had planned on

407
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Speaker 2: bringing it up with him on Sunday before they all

408
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,640
Speaker 2: left for the park. My daughter seemed shy about saying

409
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:49,320
Speaker 2: all this, so I thought I would, but she actually

410
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:50,960
Speaker 2: brought this up with him herself.

411
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Speaker 4: Oh on Saturday night, when we were watching TV, she

412
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Speaker 4: asked him if we couldn't invite the cousins tomorrow. My

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00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,360
Speaker 4: husband said okay, but asked her why she didn't want

414
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:02,640
Speaker 4: the cousins there. He later told me he was just

415
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:05,800
Speaker 4: concerned about this issue she had with them and wanted

416
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:08,520
Speaker 4: to know it wasn't anything serious. She just said they

417
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,760
Speaker 4: don't have as much fun, so he dropped it at that.

418
00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:14,679
Speaker 4: I'd had this idea from a few comments on my

419
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:17,280
Speaker 4: original post, so I told him I'll tell his sister

420
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Speaker 4: to still send the boys earlier and I'll go with them.

421
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,720
Speaker 4: He agreed, So I took them out earlier and tried

422
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,880
Speaker 4: to keep up with him, but I thought it went well.

423
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,200
Speaker 4: I took them for ice cream after too. The boys

424
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,520
Speaker 4: got a good outing and my sister in law got

425
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:30,480
Speaker 4: some rest as well.

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Speaker 3: Remember, ma'am, I think this all is all, This is

427
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:34,400
Speaker 3: all looking good.

428
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Speaker 2: It's not enough jousting for me.

429
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:40,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, could be more jousting, that's my critique. But

430
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:43,600
Speaker 3: in terms of you know what you can do without

431
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Speaker 3: a joust, it seems better than it was before.

432
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Speaker 2: And what can I say I'm a joust kind of guy.

433
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Speaker 3: And that's not a crime. Nora is wanting to have

434
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Speaker 3: daddy daughter time.

435
00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:54,359
Speaker 4: It's not a crime to have daddy daught a time

436
00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:57,000
Speaker 4: unless you make them joust all the time.

437
00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:58,359
Speaker 3: Nah.

438
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:01,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I forgot about that nurse jousted in

439
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:01,800
Speaker 2: the slime.

440
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:03,560
Speaker 3: I think you guys are doing all right.

441
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Speaker 2: You did good, You did good, You did good.

442
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Speaker 4: I would have I would have I would have had

443
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:12,680
Speaker 4: the boys find more roarcs, find more rocks.

444
00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:15,119
Speaker 2: Hey, boys, go find me the best rock in the park.

445
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:16,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that could be fun.

446
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,400
Speaker 2: That will preoccupy them for a long time.

447
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,120
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yesterday we were going to do the same thing,

448
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:22,560
Speaker 4: but my sister in law told us.

449
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,639
Speaker 2: The boys said, they'll just wait for when my husband

450
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:25,000
Speaker 2: is free.

451
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:31,280
Speaker 4: No. Oh, I think it needs to be like, Okay,

452
00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:33,760
Speaker 4: you don't need to keep up with them doing soccer.

453
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:37,920
Speaker 4: Like I'm saying, get them defined the coolest rock in

454
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:38,440
Speaker 4: the park.

455
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:41,720
Speaker 3: I think you just need to focus on you. Like clearly,

456
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,399
Speaker 3: every time we try to do soccer with them doesn't

457
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:47,919
Speaker 3: doesn't work out. So let's just do different activity with

458
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,960
Speaker 3: the boys and the girls. You can be you can

459
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,800
Speaker 3: be different activity. Mom, and dad can be soccer at

460
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:53,960
Speaker 3: that's right, let's try that.

461
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,439
Speaker 4: She asked him when he'd be free and whether his

462
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:59,040
Speaker 4: free days had changed. He said there had just been

463
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:00,040
Speaker 4: some changes.

464
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:00,440
Speaker 2: To his schedule.

465
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,720
Speaker 4: I was of the opinion he should tell her honestly

466
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,760
Speaker 4: what the issue was. But he seems to think making

467
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,200
Speaker 4: our daughters the focus of the conversation will be wrong.

468
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:10,120
Speaker 2: I disagree, but she is his sister. So he went

469
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,959
Speaker 2: yesterday with the girls by himself. They've been super happy,

470
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,119
Speaker 2: but he said he'll come up with something for the

471
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,840
Speaker 2: boys too. It's a bit disappointing because I thought the

472
00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:20,720
Speaker 2: solution I had tried went well, but apparently not. So

473
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:22,840
Speaker 2: it's still a work in progress. And that is the

474
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:25,840
Speaker 2: end of that story. There you go. I will champion,

475
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:27,800
Speaker 2: I will champion the joust.

476
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:30,080
Speaker 3: I think I think you start like if you do

477
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:35,040
Speaker 3: kind of an Reren Fair like type of announcer thing

478
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:41,920
Speaker 3: where you're like, now we have our contestants. On this side,

479
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:47,080
Speaker 3: we have child's name of sir child's a child, and

480
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:50,120
Speaker 3: on this side we have others a child, good daughter,

481
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,919
Speaker 3: so daughta so daughter and sir child ah, and they

482
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,000
Speaker 3: are going to fight too.

483
00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,280
Speaker 4: On a living and They're gonna fight until of them

484
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:03,440
Speaker 4: goes eh.

485
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,600
Speaker 2: And I'm trying to turn all of the children in

486
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:08,080
Speaker 2: your family into warriors.

487
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:10,560
Speaker 3: I think it could work, Okay, I genuinely think that

488
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,800
Speaker 3: would be fun. I think that if you make the

489
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:16,359
Speaker 3: kind of referee I think I think we could find

490
00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:17,200
Speaker 3: a middle ground here.

491
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:21,000
Speaker 2: Once you instill the warrior's spirit within the children, they

492
00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:24,159
Speaker 2: won't mind that it's too competitive. They will yearn for

493
00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:27,600
Speaker 2: more competitive. Yeah, that is the end of that story. Sure,

494
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:30,240
Speaker 2: and you know what that means. That means we've got

495
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:33,840
Speaker 2: another one come in right up.

496
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:36,640
Speaker 3: I stop being a maid for my in laws, and

497
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:38,920
Speaker 3: now they're all furious. Well, if I'm going to be

498
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:41,520
Speaker 3: your maid, you better pay me. I am twenty five

499
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:44,000
Speaker 3: female and my husband is twenty seven male. We have

500
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:47,800
Speaker 3: one child, one male. Looking for advice, please, I'm going

501
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:51,479
Speaker 3: to ignore any mentions of divorce or why did you

502
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:55,080
Speaker 3: marry into this family. I'm open to compromising. I was

503
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,879
Speaker 3: just wondering where and how much to compromise and what

504
00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:01,760
Speaker 3: takes priority fought. An outside side perspective could help. By

505
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,439
Speaker 3: the way, this comes from Important Turn Up thirty twelve.

506
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:05,879
Speaker 3: And if you want to spend your own stories go

507
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,720
Speaker 3: to the r slash Okay, storytime separate and we're here to.

508
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:09,920
Speaker 2: Give good advice goofley, But.

509
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:11,800
Speaker 3: We don't have all the answers. We only know what

510
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:13,879
Speaker 3: we'd do, So let us know what you would do

511
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:18,480
Speaker 3: in the comments and op Since long backstory, sorry about that.

512
00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:21,360
Speaker 3: We had an arranged marriage in early twenty twenty three

513
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:24,440
Speaker 3: welcomed our little bundle of doy in late twenty twenty four.

514
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:26,720
Speaker 3: I want to say that I'm very happy with my

515
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,960
Speaker 3: husband and I'm thankful for him every day. But like

516
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:34,080
Speaker 3: every marriage, there are some issues for starters. I've grown

517
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:36,560
Speaker 3: up in the UK and my family was very relaxed,

518
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:39,680
Speaker 3: modern and outgoing, and we all share the responsibilities of

519
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:42,720
Speaker 3: the household, male or female. My husband, on the other end,

520
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,880
Speaker 3: grew up abroad in a very Indian cultured household where

521
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:47,879
Speaker 3: women stay at home and do all the housework and

522
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:50,199
Speaker 3: child mining men work out of the home and do

523
00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:51,119
Speaker 3: nothing in the house.

524
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:53,520
Speaker 1: He doesn't know how to do his laundry.

525
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:56,920
Speaker 3: I yeah, I mean unless he learned on his own.

526
00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:58,440
Speaker 3: I doubt he does.

527
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:00,879
Speaker 4: He's just a big baby man who needs to be

528
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:04,639
Speaker 4: taken care of some sort of mother figure.

529
00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:07,120
Speaker 3: When I married my husband, I moved abroad to live

530
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,960
Speaker 3: with him. My family was very well off, upper middle

531
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:13,640
Speaker 3: class okay, brag. We travel often and we're very used

532
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:16,080
Speaker 3: to luxuries. My in laws, on the other hand, although

533
00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:18,679
Speaker 3: not quite struggling, are not quite as well off and

534
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:20,879
Speaker 3: do tend to be frugal in a lot of things.

535
00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:26,439
Speaker 3: Purely if for academic reasons. I'm interested in why, like,

536
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:30,760
Speaker 3: what the reasons were for your arrangements if this, because

537
00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:33,720
Speaker 3: like typically in a lot of arranged marriages, it's like

538
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:37,680
Speaker 3: to have financial you know, better financials and stuff.

539
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:39,520
Speaker 2: I think they're both probably just super hot.

540
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:42,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, and the families like, well, these people are

541
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:44,920
Speaker 3: really hot. It would be a crime not to put

542
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:47,600
Speaker 3: them together. I don't even care that you have less money.

543
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:48,119
Speaker 2: You're hot.

544
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,840
Speaker 3: You're hot, That's all that matters. I did know all

545
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:53,160
Speaker 3: of this before I got married, but I didn't realize

546
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,639
Speaker 3: how hard it would be to adjust. We live with

547
00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:57,760
Speaker 3: my in law's mother in law, father in law, sister

548
00:22:57,760 --> 00:22:59,919
Speaker 3: in law, brother in law, nephews, three male, five men

549
00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:03,520
Speaker 3: in a three bedroom, three bathroom house. We're able to

550
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:06,840
Speaker 3: afford this since it's three families sharing the rent. Now

551
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:10,119
Speaker 3: Here are the issues I'd figured it'd be easier to

552
00:23:10,119 --> 00:23:13,119
Speaker 3: make a list. We are practicing Muslims, so US women

553
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,280
Speaker 3: have to be fully covered at home since brother in

554
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:18,840
Speaker 3: law is not mecham a male who is permanently forbidden

555
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:22,640
Speaker 3: to marry someone due to close blood, breastfeeding or marriage

556
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:27,240
Speaker 3: ties breastfeeding. Oh okay, okay, okay, So it's basically saying

557
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:31,040
Speaker 3: the women have to be so. Usually when you are

558
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:34,760
Speaker 3: like you're job hijabbi or like your you know you

559
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:39,000
Speaker 3: have head coverings. You can't be seen by anyone not

560
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:42,200
Speaker 3: in the family or that you're not married to. If

561
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:46,520
Speaker 3: they're male, and because brother in law is not there's

562
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:50,680
Speaker 3: no connection with marriage ties to them, I guess they

563
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:52,879
Speaker 3: can't be seen by them. We technically don't have to

564
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:54,680
Speaker 3: cover up fully in front of father in law, but

565
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:57,199
Speaker 3: I do so anyways, since it's how I was brought up.

566
00:23:57,240 --> 00:23:59,480
Speaker 3: But I want to be able to dress comfortably at home,

567
00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:03,240
Speaker 3: to wear cute short dresses and short sleeves with no scarf,

568
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,760
Speaker 3: especially because it tends to get very hot where we

569
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:08,119
Speaker 3: now live. As I said before, my in laws are

570
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:10,960
Speaker 3: a typical Indian family. As the daughter in law, I'm

571
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:14,240
Speaker 3: expected to take over basically all the household chores. And

572
00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:17,560
Speaker 3: cooking whilst also doing the childcare. I try to ask

573
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 3: mother in law to watch my son so I can clean,

574
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:24,840
Speaker 3: but she outright refuses because she doesn't want to see.

575
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:29,520
Speaker 3: That's also confusing because if you have that cultural background

576
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,840
Speaker 3: of the women in the house do all of the

577
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:36,720
Speaker 3: work or the housework, it's weird that she doesn't want

578
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:37,320
Speaker 3: to help out.

579
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:39,960
Speaker 1: It's hard to play the game for so long.

580
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess, so she's like, I've done it, it's

581
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:42,760
Speaker 3: her turn now.

582
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 1: And I guess she only had boys. Perhaps.

583
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:47,639
Speaker 3: If my husband helps me with cleaning, he is told

584
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:49,680
Speaker 3: off by mother in law because he, as a man,

585
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,080
Speaker 3: shouldn't be doing any of that stuff, even though he

586
00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 3: wants to help me and is very open to helping,

587
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:57,560
Speaker 3: even cooking, so it all falls on my shoulders. Sister

588
00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:00,719
Speaker 3: in law unfortunately, is not cooperative with me at all.

589
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:03,560
Speaker 3: She barely helps out, stays locked up in her room

590
00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:05,640
Speaker 3: all day and night, and only comes out to eat.

591
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,479
Speaker 3: She doesn't even clean up after herself. Brother in law

592
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:10,760
Speaker 3: is also have a very similar mindset to his wife,

593
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:13,280
Speaker 3: so he doesn't stop her or make her help out,

594
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:16,119
Speaker 3: so she's basically another burden for me to clean up

595
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 3: after and her sons who free rom around the house

596
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:21,520
Speaker 3: doing whatever they want, constantly fight with my son.

597
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 2: Your son is a one year old baby? Yeah, why

598
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:26,760
Speaker 2: are they? How is that possible.

599
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,560
Speaker 3: Constantly you're one year old?

600
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:32,360
Speaker 4: We're if we're doing these like strict traditional roles, how

601
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:34,560
Speaker 4: come sister in law just gets to be a slob

602
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:36,400
Speaker 4: and not pick up after herself, and.

603
00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:38,119
Speaker 3: You're picking up for mother in law as well. It

604
00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:40,200
Speaker 3: seems like both mother in law and sister in law

605
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,480
Speaker 3: are not contributing to the house honestly.

606
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:44,800
Speaker 4: Like and if I was like your husband, it's like,

607
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:48,880
Speaker 4: I think it's it's fair to normalize breaking away from tradition.

608
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:50,720
Speaker 4: If the tradition is like you need to be a

609
00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:53,480
Speaker 4: helpless little baby who can't take care of himself and

610
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:56,240
Speaker 4: you need to have somebody else take care of everything

611
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,119
Speaker 4: for you. I like, no, I would like to be

612
00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:00,320
Speaker 4: able to, I don't know, clean up my own house

613
00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:02,720
Speaker 4: if I want, cook my own meals, if I want,

614
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:03,320
Speaker 4: I think.

615
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:06,800
Speaker 3: Break away from tradition. When he actively doesn't want to

616
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:09,960
Speaker 3: do that, you know, like he's against it, his wife

617
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:12,760
Speaker 3: is against it. So at that point, I think the answer,

618
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:15,080
Speaker 3: which I don't know if you can do or want

619
00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:16,879
Speaker 3: to do. But I think the only answer is to

620
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:20,520
Speaker 3: move out because clearly the situation here is not going

621
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:21,240
Speaker 3: to change.

622
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:25,440
Speaker 4: There's children fighting, your infance one, your own baby.

623
00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:29,320
Speaker 3: How they're fighting this baby? You look too stupid and

624
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:32,120
Speaker 3: the baby's like, You're like, oh, you can't even talk dumb.

625
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:35,320
Speaker 4: Maybe it's like a boss baby situation where no one's looking.

626
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:37,760
Speaker 4: It's just like the baby knows kung fu, and.

627
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:40,680
Speaker 3: The baby's like, they'll never believe you. The stocks will

628
00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,679
Speaker 3: rise and I've already put a lot of money in them,

629
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:45,400
Speaker 3: and you guys are gonna be poor, and.

630
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:47,040
Speaker 2: Like this baby shucks.

631
00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:50,160
Speaker 3: Everyone's like, why are you Why are you attacking a baby?

632
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:52,560
Speaker 3: It's a baby, and they're like, I know what you are,

633
00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:57,560
Speaker 3: and baby's just like now, respect for parents is very

634
00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:00,240
Speaker 3: important to my husband. My mother in law is a

635
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:02,600
Speaker 3: lot of health issues despite being in her fifties. So

636
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:05,280
Speaker 3: now my husband believes it is my duty as his

637
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:08,480
Speaker 3: wife and my responsibility as the daughter in law to

638
00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:10,400
Speaker 3: make sure her mother in law barely has to work,

639
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,680
Speaker 3: which means doing all of the cooking and cleaning while

640
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:15,439
Speaker 3: watching her son, who's very rowdy and is like a

641
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:19,879
Speaker 3: little tornado, leaving a mess wherever he goes. Obviously I'm drowning.

642
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:22,840
Speaker 3: I was brought up on the opposite where household chores

643
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:25,840
Speaker 3: are the responsibility of everyone who lives there, and everyone

644
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:29,840
Speaker 3: shares the duties. I am very impressed, but also kind

645
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:35,000
Speaker 3: of like baffled at how you are have even managed

646
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:40,959
Speaker 3: this far grapple with that massive amount of like cultural.

647
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:42,960
Speaker 2: Change, because he's got skills.

648
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, like that is if I went from how I

649
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 3: live and how I was raised to being expected to

650
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:50,240
Speaker 3: clean everything?

651
00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:52,040
Speaker 2: What do you mean is what you already do here?

652
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 3: That's true, that's true. Now people have me, I get

653
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:57,840
Speaker 3: a lot of help. It's true, I get a lot

654
00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:00,560
Speaker 3: of health. That would be a really difficult shit. I

655
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:02,760
Speaker 3: want to move out, but we can't afford it. According

656
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:05,240
Speaker 3: to my husband. I think we can afford it because

657
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:08,200
Speaker 3: we have savings around twenty thousand pounds and rent is

658
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:10,159
Speaker 3: quite cheap where we live now, and willing to be

659
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:13,000
Speaker 3: frugal and buy only necessities. But I feel like I

660
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:16,360
Speaker 3: need my own space now. It's been two years since

661
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:19,040
Speaker 3: we got married, and I'm tired. I haven't even been

662
00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:21,240
Speaker 3: with my in laws the whole two years since we

663
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:23,400
Speaker 3: moved to live near my parents for the latter part

664
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 3: of my pregnancy and for a few months after I

665
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:28,040
Speaker 3: gave birth. Then came back to my in laws when

666
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,520
Speaker 3: our son was old enough to travel comfortably, and coming

667
00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:32,840
Speaker 3: back was even harder for me. Living in the UK

668
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,320
Speaker 3: for those months drain quite a bit of our savings

669
00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:38,440
Speaker 3: since everything is so expensive there, but we're managing. I

670
00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:41,360
Speaker 3: do struggle with being frugal since I'm used to luxuries,

671
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:45,080
Speaker 3: but I'm not overly luxurious. I'm like snacks, chocolates and

672
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:47,480
Speaker 3: eating out once a week or once every other week.

673
00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:50,200
Speaker 3: But even for these little things, I get some pushback

674
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:52,960
Speaker 3: from my husband for adding to his expenses, although he

675
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 3: always caves and buys me what I ask for. Cooking

676
00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:59,240
Speaker 3: for my in laws is a literal nightmare. Obviously, everyone

677
00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:01,360
Speaker 3: has their own tape, but it's to the point where

678
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:05,560
Speaker 3: they criticize every little thing that's not to their taste.

679
00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:07,760
Speaker 2: Just the nightmare. I imagine.

680
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 4: It's just like they take a bite, they spit it

681
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,040
Speaker 4: at you, they take the plate, they throw it on

682
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:17,200
Speaker 4: the ground, and they just start going, ah.

683
00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 3: They're behaving like the one year old baby. Like they're

684
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:20,680
Speaker 3: all behaving like the one year old baby, and the

685
00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:23,000
Speaker 3: one year old baby is like drinking tea with it

686
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:27,080
Speaker 3: like a pinky's freaking animals.

687
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:29,720
Speaker 2: Yes, they doesn't even then it still has to be

688
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:30,280
Speaker 2: a nightmare.

689
00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:32,720
Speaker 4: So instead, like the baby, the baby is drinking tea,

690
00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 4: but then it speaks in a language that is like

691
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:38,000
Speaker 4: lost to time, and like just like feels this Hebrew,

692
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:39,040
Speaker 4: it just feels bad.

693
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:42,400
Speaker 3: Too spicy for one person is not spicy enough for another.

694
00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:45,040
Speaker 3: Too much salt for one person is not enough for another.

695
00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:48,200
Speaker 3: The list goes on and on. So cooking is exhausting.

696
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:51,840
Speaker 1: How how do we get down to the logistics of that?

697
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:53,680
Speaker 1: With cooking? Do you do you know how much salt

698
00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 1: you put into any dish you have?

699
00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:55,400
Speaker 3: Yeah?

700
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 2: A pin none?

701
00:29:56,600 --> 00:30:02,720
Speaker 3: Okay, that's not true, no salt whatsoever. Sorry about the

702
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:04,520
Speaker 3: one time, the first time I've ever made out of

703
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:06,959
Speaker 3: go b I under salted it, which is an easy

704
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 3: fix because you have to put a lot of salt

705
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:13,720
Speaker 3: into curries.

706
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:16,520
Speaker 2: She uses not enough salt. Okay, so we kind of

707
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:18,000
Speaker 2: understand what this is.

708
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:22,640
Speaker 4: Sad puppy dog face, Well, come on, put them up,

709
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:24,160
Speaker 4: stand up, come on, it's fine.

710
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:26,320
Speaker 2: What do you put salt on? What do you put

711
00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:26,800
Speaker 2: salt on?

712
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:29,120
Speaker 3: What does that mean? I put salt on everything.

713
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 4: You put salt in your I put salt in my

714
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:33,000
Speaker 4: Watermelon put salt in your water.

715
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:34,880
Speaker 3: It's for my sodium intake.

716
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 2: Actually that is That's what Kevin James did.

717
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 3: Is he live still? Yeah? So cooking is exhausting, especially

718
00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:44,640
Speaker 3: when I don't even like their cuisine, so I can't

719
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:45,520
Speaker 3: enjoy what they eat.

720
00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:48,040
Speaker 2: You don't like Indian food, that's a tough one.

721
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:50,040
Speaker 3: That's a red flag. I'm gonna be honest.

722
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 1: Angie didn't like Indian food for a little bit, but

723
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:54,840
Speaker 1: I turned her over, and it's going to be a

724
00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:57,600
Speaker 1: hard relationship if she didn't like Indian food.

725
00:30:57,680 --> 00:30:59,560
Speaker 3: Is my favorite cuisine?

726
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:02,640
Speaker 2: Right, No, I'm just kidded. That's my favorite.

727
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:05,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I have to put its top three.

728
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:05,960
Speaker 3: It's top.

729
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:09,040
Speaker 1: You can't. Mexican Food's number one will always be number.

730
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:10,640
Speaker 2: One, y food Mexican.

731
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:13,640
Speaker 3: I do love Mexican food, but there is so little

732
00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:15,480
Speaker 3: of it that I can eat beans.

733
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:17,400
Speaker 1: You could eat all day refined beans.

734
00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:20,760
Speaker 2: Now, they have to be honest American food.

735
00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:26,880
Speaker 3: I like somewhat British foods. Who said, I'm sorry, I'm

736
00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:30,440
Speaker 3: sorry she's British, sure, yeah originally, but like who's out

737
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:34,719
Speaker 3: here saying, oh, yes, I like my British foods, well

738
00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:36,760
Speaker 3: known to be the worst cuisine.

739
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:39,400
Speaker 2: Oh lord, oh it's all Indian.

740
00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:45,560
Speaker 1: Fight your beans on toast? I will say that was

741
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:48,520
Speaker 1: I will say I. I think the only reason she

742
00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:50,520
Speaker 1: likes British food more than any food because she's had

743
00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:52,200
Speaker 1: to be the one to cook the Indian food and

744
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 1: no one has taught her.

745
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,080
Speaker 3: Hey, this is maybe, well.

746
00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:56,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think so.

747
00:31:56,680 --> 00:31:58,400
Speaker 2: I'm sure. Do you love me?

748
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:02,280
Speaker 4: Eight hundred pounds of Jackson got a cycle back and

749
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:03,680
Speaker 4: I eat three.

750
00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:07,760
Speaker 2: Raw pigs house. I just unhinge my jaw like a snake.

751
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 2: Are you to go British? British accent? So I have

752
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 2: to call us all big fat, stupid American?

753
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:15,160
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah you.

754
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:17,400
Speaker 2: Paul Blart?

755
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:22,240
Speaker 3: No, No, nously hate British food exactly?

756
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:23,480
Speaker 1: Are you Paul Bunyan?

757
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:26,239
Speaker 2: Paul Blartian? Anyways, let's get to it.

758
00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:30,720
Speaker 3: A nice mild flavor with some spices, but not drowning

759
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:30,959
Speaker 3: in it.

760
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:35,680
Speaker 2: I'm imagining. No, she's Indian, She's not Indian.

761
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:36,880
Speaker 1: Her her partner's Indian.

762
00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:37,920
Speaker 3: Yes, they're both Indians.

763
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:38,720
Speaker 1: They're both Indian.

764
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:40,280
Speaker 2: Yes, how did this happen?

765
00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:45,400
Speaker 3: Colin colinization My in laws on the other hand, want

766
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 3: cooking with so many spices that it's all you can taste.

767
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:51,440
Speaker 3: You want it, You're supposed to taste the spices. People. Sorry,

768
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:53,280
Speaker 3: we got, we got. We just have different we just

769
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:56,120
Speaker 3: have different stuff. Honeybe says I beg your finest part

770
00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:59,040
Speaker 3: in Sofia. There's nothing wrong with British cuisine. I think

771
00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:02,560
Speaker 3: like the entire your world, including most to press people

772
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:04,000
Speaker 3: would disagree.

773
00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:06,160
Speaker 2: Here's what I'll say.

774
00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:09,280
Speaker 3: I'll give you your desserts are great, top notch.

775
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:11,960
Speaker 4: Regardless of any cuisine you're talking about. It comes down

776
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:12,720
Speaker 4: to the.

777
00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:13,840
Speaker 2: Cook that's true.

778
00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:16,280
Speaker 3: Also, I will say, when I was in London, you

779
00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:19,560
Speaker 3: guys had excellent cuisine because it's like a big melting

780
00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:20,040
Speaker 3: pot there.

781
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 1: So honey Bee's gonna come after you.

782
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:22,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know, I'm sorry.

783
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:26,920
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, j Eliot, move on. I can't now because

784
00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:27,680
Speaker 2: you're telling me to.

785
00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:30,160
Speaker 3: I'll stop here for now, but I'm sure I could

786
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 3: go on. I'm sorry, Jenny Elliott, Oh peace, I just

787
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:37,080
Speaker 3: stop now. As much as my husband and I get

788
00:33:37,120 --> 00:33:39,520
Speaker 3: along and love each other, we also clash a lot.

789
00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:41,720
Speaker 3: And I'm starting to wonder how long I can hold

790
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 3: out for before I break.

791
00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:43,960
Speaker 1: Oh no.

792
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:47,600
Speaker 3: I know this post probably sounds so bad to whoever's reading,

793
00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:50,240
Speaker 3: so I just add that, like every marriage, yes there

794
00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:53,520
Speaker 3: are complaints, but there are also lots of positives. Here

795
00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:57,280
Speaker 3: are my favorite ones. Yay. My husband picks flowers for

796
00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:59,160
Speaker 3: me around once a month, and I try it and

797
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:02,720
Speaker 3: preserve it, and it makes me so happy that he

798
00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:04,600
Speaker 3: thinks of me when he's out and about. I've got

799
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:06,800
Speaker 3: such a big stash. I've started wondering if I should

800
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:09,279
Speaker 3: throw some away, but I can't bring myself to He

801
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:11,560
Speaker 3: knows how to cook. I'd argue that he's a better

802
00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:13,759
Speaker 3: chef than me, and would often cook for me during

803
00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:17,160
Speaker 3: my pregnancy and post birth. He is an amazing dad,

804
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:20,520
Speaker 3: playing with our son when he can, taking care of

805
00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:23,880
Speaker 3: him and me. He's very involved, completely the opposite of

806
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:27,000
Speaker 3: his own father, Exactly what I've always wanted in a husband.

807
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:29,279
Speaker 3: He's never shouted or raised his hand at me in

808
00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:31,279
Speaker 3: the two years we've been married. Even though he has

809
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:33,399
Speaker 3: a temper and I know it. When he's upset, he'll

810
00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:35,960
Speaker 3: stay quiet, moll thing's over, then come talk to me.

811
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:38,719
Speaker 3: When he's calmed down. He sits me down, explains why

812
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:40,560
Speaker 3: he was upset, and tells me what I can do

813
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:42,440
Speaker 3: to help him. I, on the other end, am the

814
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 3: complete opposites. I'm a horrible communicator and shut down when

815
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 3: I'm upset, which is maybe why none of these issues

816
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:52,239
Speaker 3: have been raised before. Maybe the issue is that you

817
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:55,600
Speaker 3: haven't been able to tell him I really don't like

818
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:57,920
Speaker 3: this situation that we're in, and I don't know if

819
00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:00,839
Speaker 3: I can continue living like this. Yeah, he does his

820
00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:03,440
Speaker 3: best to make me smile and laugh, even if I'm

821
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:07,120
Speaker 3: not receptive to it. No matter how hard his day was,

822
00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:09,840
Speaker 3: he'll come home and put on a smile for me.

823
00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:11,000
Speaker 1: He's a good boy.

824
00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:14,400
Speaker 2: It's a good little boy. He's a good little smiley boy.

825
00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:17,120
Speaker 3: Usually I'm touching out and tired by the time he

826
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:19,239
Speaker 3: comes back, but he doesn't let that bother him and

827
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:21,719
Speaker 3: still tries to be the best person for me. This

828
00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:24,520
Speaker 3: man is the best dress style I've ever seen. Will

829
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:27,280
Speaker 3: often match our accessories or clothing in one way or another.

830
00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:29,400
Speaker 3: In matching his watch and cuff links to one of

831
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:32,160
Speaker 3: the colors of my jewelry, me is styling his clothes

832
00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:33,440
Speaker 3: so they match something on mine.

833
00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:34,759
Speaker 1: I do that.

834
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:36,960
Speaker 2: That's a cuty, little patutty thing to do. Hey, did

835
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:38,960
Speaker 2: you know that you should change your last name to

836
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:40,840
Speaker 2: Petuti because you're cutie.

837
00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:44,320
Speaker 3: It's so much fun and it makes me feel so loved.

838
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:46,600
Speaker 3: So yeah, I really want to try to find a

839
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:48,560
Speaker 3: way to make us both happy. I don't want to

840
00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:51,160
Speaker 3: shut down and I get over stimulated. I want to

841
00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:52,920
Speaker 3: be able to stop what I'm doing in the kitchen

842
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:54,960
Speaker 3: to give him a hug and kiss when he comes home,

843
00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:57,200
Speaker 3: instead of having to wait till we're in our room.

844
00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:59,440
Speaker 3: I want to decorate my house with all the flowers

845
00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:02,200
Speaker 3: he's given me. Please advise me as much as you can,

846
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:04,560
Speaker 3: and if you can, please be gentle. My mind's a

847
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:06,880
Speaker 3: bit fragile and emotional. But do you have any advice.

848
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:08,160
Speaker 2: HET's John, your og host.

849
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:08,319
Speaker 3: Here.

850
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:09,680
Speaker 4: We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's a

851
00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:11,719
Speaker 4: quick three minute break of ASM more sponsors.

852
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:15,759
Speaker 1: Yes, so I know we pay so many taxes around

853
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:18,439
Speaker 1: the world. There has to be a program. One set

854
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:23,600
Speaker 1: of parents can just disappear because they're so annoying. Because

855
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:25,759
Speaker 1: everyone has those in laws, they're like, oh my in.

856
00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:27,240
Speaker 3: Law, Oh my in laws.

857
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:28,640
Speaker 1: There's got to be a program.

858
00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:30,920
Speaker 3: They get kidnapping program.

859
00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:34,040
Speaker 1: Well, I mean kidnapping. Sure, we can program people.

860
00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:36,040
Speaker 2: Maybe just make them take naps.

861
00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:39,279
Speaker 4: I think, get that whatever the trip, whatever the thing

862
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:40,960
Speaker 4: in the Turkey is that makes people sleepy. What is

863
00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:44,840
Speaker 4: that trip to Fane get yeah, just load him up,

864
00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:46,839
Speaker 4: load him up with the trip to tang.

865
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:50,080
Speaker 3: I think what the solution here is, which might not

866
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:52,600
Speaker 3: work depending on how your husband receives us. I think

867
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 3: that you have to be brave and go to your

868
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:57,440
Speaker 3: husband and say this is how I'm feeling. I do

869
00:36:57,520 --> 00:36:59,399
Speaker 3: not think that we can live in this house with

870
00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:02,719
Speaker 3: so many people while I'm trying to raise my son

871
00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:06,440
Speaker 3: or our son together, and then say, hey, let's sit

872
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:08,279
Speaker 3: down and look at the budget, see what we need

873
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:11,240
Speaker 3: to do. Maybe we get a small apartment. It seems

874
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:14,600
Speaker 3: like you're pretty used to luxuries, so maybe wanted a

875
00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:16,480
Speaker 3: bigger place when you were in London. I know it's

876
00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:18,479
Speaker 3: still expensive or like when you were in the UK.

877
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:21,920
Speaker 3: But maybe we, you know, find a place in a

878
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:26,240
Speaker 3: cheaper area that's smaller, just so we can save money.

879
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:29,120
Speaker 3: Maybe we talk to your parents if they're pretty well off,

880
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:31,920
Speaker 3: and ask them just for a loan. And then we

881
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:34,080
Speaker 3: just look at the budget and we say, okay, what

882
00:37:34,239 --> 00:37:37,560
Speaker 3: do we need to do to afford this? Because we

883
00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:38,920
Speaker 3: cannot keep living like this.

884
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:40,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, no unsustainable.

885
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:44,880
Speaker 4: Lie to your parents and say, hey, we want to

886
00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:46,719
Speaker 4: get our own house so that we can like be

887
00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:50,879
Speaker 4: the strictest, most conservative version of ourselves that.

888
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:51,960
Speaker 2: We possibly could be.

889
00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:54,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't want my husband to even lift a

890
00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:58,719
Speaker 4: single finger. And you know what, I whatever you have

891
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 4: to say to get the money, because if you're on

892
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:03,280
Speaker 4: with them, they won't support you. They won't They'll be like, oh, so,

893
00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:05,120
Speaker 4: so you want to get your own house so that.

894
00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:10,520
Speaker 2: My son can clean up? Yeah, just lie, lie to them. Yeah,

895
00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:13,320
Speaker 2: I'll say it. I'll say it. I'll say it again, live.

896
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:17,319
Speaker 3: And I item honestly, no one else matters except for

897
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:18,359
Speaker 3: you and your husband and.

898
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:21,080
Speaker 4: Your kid and that kid who knows who's starting fights

899
00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:25,480
Speaker 4: starting fights, except and your boss baby who wears a

900
00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:26,080
Speaker 4: suit all the.

901
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:27,480
Speaker 2: Time frame it.

902
00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:28,880
Speaker 4: You're like, we got to get our kid out of

903
00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:30,880
Speaker 4: here because he's just he's causing trouble.

904
00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:33,600
Speaker 3: I also love, just like the boss baby lord that

905
00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:36,520
Speaker 3: this baby is always wearing a suit. Do they change

906
00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:39,040
Speaker 3: this baby's diaper or is he always wearing.

907
00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:40,000
Speaker 2: A suit that's his skin?

908
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:42,200
Speaker 3: There is an update. It's been a few days since

909
00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:44,719
Speaker 3: I posted, and thought i'd give a quick update, since

910
00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:47,359
Speaker 3: I wanted to ask for more advice before I got

911
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:49,400
Speaker 3: into it. I wanted to thank the comments that opened

912
00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:51,560
Speaker 3: my eyes and made me realize that not only do

913
00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:54,160
Speaker 3: I have an in laws problem, I also have a

914
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:56,759
Speaker 3: husband problem. I didn't want to say it because you

915
00:38:56,840 --> 00:38:57,480
Speaker 3: said I'm.

916
00:38:57,360 --> 00:39:01,360
Speaker 4: Not divorcing him, but yeah, like you have a husband

917
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:04,400
Speaker 4: is a problem when he's around your in laws.

918
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:08,279
Speaker 3: Which solution. I was so desperate to have at least

919
00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:11,359
Speaker 3: one person on my side. I overlooked his faults and

920
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:14,720
Speaker 3: his part in the problem and made excuse after excuse

921
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:16,839
Speaker 3: for him. I want to say, I still love him

922
00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:18,920
Speaker 3: a lot. Oh, and I'm going to do my best

923
00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:21,960
Speaker 3: to make this marriage work, but I'm done sacrificing everything

924
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:24,720
Speaker 3: to make it happen. Whoa big departure from the beginning

925
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:26,279
Speaker 3: of the story where she said, don't tell me to

926
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:28,719
Speaker 3: divorce him, because that's not happening. I didn't even put that.

927
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:30,719
Speaker 3: I didn't even put that on the table because I

928
00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:32,640
Speaker 3: was like, oh, I can't give that advice because she's

929
00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:33,319
Speaker 3: not going to take it.

930
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:36,120
Speaker 1: I think she may have read some comments that all.

931
00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:38,399
Speaker 3: Said divorce and she went, well, I guess I can't

932
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:39,600
Speaker 3: ignore this guys.

933
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:41,160
Speaker 2: That's why I told you not to tell me that.

934
00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:43,520
Speaker 2: I'm so.

935
00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:45,680
Speaker 3: First of all, my husband and I had a brief talk.

936
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:47,840
Speaker 3: We've been having a busy few days, so the in

937
00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:50,319
Speaker 3: depth talk will have to wait. Long story short. I

938
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:52,960
Speaker 3: told them the following I'm exhausted. I feel like a

939
00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:55,640
Speaker 3: live in maid, and I hate it. We've talked before,

940
00:39:55,680 --> 00:39:57,960
Speaker 3: and I've always told him how i'd want us both

941
00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:00,200
Speaker 3: to do the housework when we're home, since we both

942
00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:02,239
Speaker 3: live in it, it shouldn't be solely on me in

943
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:04,879
Speaker 3: a managed child minding and house work twenty four seven

944
00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:07,799
Speaker 3: while he works and then comes home and relaxes. I

945
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:10,560
Speaker 3: reminded him of this. I asked about moving out, and

946
00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:13,280
Speaker 3: he said, this is a big no. On a financial scale,

947
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:14,440
Speaker 3: that just can't be possible.

948
00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:16,920
Speaker 2: I just don't do something wrong with your finance.

949
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,520
Speaker 3: If you can't move I do that, yeah, and I

950
00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:22,239
Speaker 3: need to change it. If you can't move out to

951
00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:26,359
Speaker 3: a small apartment, then yeah, there's something going wrong with

952
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:27,040
Speaker 3: your finances.

953
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:28,960
Speaker 2: I think he probably just doesn't want to live in

954
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:29,800
Speaker 2: not a house.

955
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:32,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think so. He gave a few reasons, but

956
00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:34,759
Speaker 3: to be honest, I didn't really understand his side so

957
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:37,080
Speaker 3: I won't mention it here, but I accepted to not

958
00:40:37,239 --> 00:40:40,000
Speaker 3: move out right now. No, I said, I'm not catering

959
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:42,560
Speaker 3: to his family's every wom and cooking and cleaning twenty

960
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:44,920
Speaker 3: four seven. He didn't look happy about this part, but

961
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:47,920
Speaker 3: he did not argue either. Like I said, short chat,

962
00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:50,560
Speaker 3: five to ten minutes in total, but I got some

963
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:53,680
Speaker 3: of my points across. Although I've started leaning back from everything,

964
00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:56,960
Speaker 3: I've found myself feeling really irritable and burnt out. I

965
00:40:57,000 --> 00:40:58,680
Speaker 3: asked my husband to give me a break for an

966
00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:01,000
Speaker 3: hour or two so I can wind down, but it

967
00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:04,080
Speaker 3: hasn't happened yet. It's been about three days since I

968
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:06,799
Speaker 3: stopped being the maid, and safe to say, everyone else

969
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:09,360
Speaker 3: is feeling the toll. The house is a mess, the

970
00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:12,880
Speaker 3: kitchen is a mess. We're eating leftovers and hastily cooked meals.

971
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:15,319
Speaker 3: Mother in law stepped up, but frankly, her cooking is

972
00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:16,799
Speaker 3: disgusting and I hate it.

973
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:20,759
Speaker 2: I'm sure it's not yeah, you've already said, spite like

974
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:21,640
Speaker 2: the good food.

975
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:25,200
Speaker 3: I've started only cleaning up after mine and my husband's messes,

976
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:28,120
Speaker 3: though he picks up after himself maybe thirty percent of

977
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:30,520
Speaker 3: the time. I'll work on getting that percentage up. I

978
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:34,400
Speaker 3: didn't cook for two days. Today we ate some soggy

979
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:37,040
Speaker 3: kitcheny made by my mother in law with a heavily

980
00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:40,800
Speaker 3: overspiced meat chili. Then today I decided to make chicken

981
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:43,640
Speaker 3: broccoli alfredo, our recipe had been wanting to make for

982
00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:46,160
Speaker 3: a while, but I knew my in laws would probably hate,

983
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:48,000
Speaker 3: so I didn't. I decided to cook at night when

984
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:50,439
Speaker 3: everyone was asleep, and then reheat for lunch. This way,

985
00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:52,600
Speaker 3: no one could come in to give their oh so

986
00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:56,239
Speaker 3: valuable input. So about the issues I mentioned in my

987
00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:59,600
Speaker 3: last post, I realized that some of them aren't really issues,

988
00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:02,359
Speaker 3: but with everything piling up, it became bigger than it

989
00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:05,480
Speaker 3: needed to be. For example, having to dress modestly and

990
00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:08,000
Speaker 3: not being able to dress up. These two aren't opposites

991
00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:10,879
Speaker 3: and can be done together. I was just so burnt out.

992
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:13,839
Speaker 3: I hated everything, and this became an issue for me too.

993
00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:16,319
Speaker 3: I need to remind myself to keep me as a

994
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:19,520
Speaker 3: priority to do self care and dress up cute but

995
00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:23,200
Speaker 3: modest household chores, cooking and cleaning. Like I said, I've

996
00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:25,719
Speaker 3: taken a step back and plan to continue to do so.

997
00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:29,360
Speaker 3: I'm cleaning up after only myself, our kid, and sometimes

998
00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:32,799
Speaker 3: my husband moving out. According to my husband, this is

999
00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:35,799
Speaker 3: not an option right now. What I don't believe him.

1000
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:37,080
Speaker 3: I just don't believe it.

1001
00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:39,120
Speaker 2: It has more to do with, I'm sure family than

1002
00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:40,040
Speaker 2: it does the finances.

1003
00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:43,200
Speaker 3: If you guys have twenty thousand pounds saved up, you

1004
00:42:43,239 --> 00:42:45,200
Speaker 3: can absolutely get a small apartment.

1005
00:42:45,320 --> 00:42:47,200
Speaker 4: They are depending on when this post is made. They

1006
00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:49,560
Speaker 4: are also in an affordability crisis right now.

1007
00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:52,240
Speaker 2: It where in England, but they're in India.

1008
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:55,120
Speaker 3: I thought no, So she's from the UK and they

1009
00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:57,520
Speaker 3: originally when they were living in the UK, they used

1010
00:42:57,520 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 3: a lot of their money, but she moved.

1011
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:02,120
Speaker 2: Oh, I thought it was the other way. I thought

1012
00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:03,560
Speaker 2: they knew Okay.

1013
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:05,839
Speaker 3: So she's originally from Okay and to be with his

1014
00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:06,600
Speaker 3: family in India.

1015
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:07,160
Speaker 2: Oh okay.

1016
00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:09,839
Speaker 3: I'm fine with this as long as serious changes are

1017
00:43:09,840 --> 00:43:12,279
Speaker 3: made in the house. From now on, it's every man

1018
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:14,919
Speaker 3: for themselves. I can have my own space while living

1019
00:43:14,960 --> 00:43:18,120
Speaker 3: and shared accommodations. Cooking for so many different people, I'm

1020
00:43:18,120 --> 00:43:21,640
Speaker 3: going to prioritize cooking food I like and things my

1021
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:24,920
Speaker 3: husband likes. Since our tastes do overlap a bit. I'm

1022
00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:27,320
Speaker 3: gonna make a lot of different dishes from different cuisines.

1023
00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:27,799
Speaker 3: I think you.

1024
00:43:27,719 --> 00:43:30,080
Speaker 4: Should just focus on cooking this stuff you're good at

1025
00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:30,800
Speaker 4: cooking at.

1026
00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:31,879
Speaker 3: I think that's what she's saying.

1027
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:32,200
Speaker 2: I don't know.

1028
00:43:32,239 --> 00:43:33,880
Speaker 4: It sounds like you're like, I'm just gonna make a

1029
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:36,080
Speaker 4: bunch of different make the stuff you're good at.

1030
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:37,239
Speaker 2: I don't know.

1031
00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:39,560
Speaker 3: I think she just wants to do that. Yeah, okay,

1032
00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:41,799
Speaker 3: I'm not going to care about other people's opinions and

1033
00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:44,640
Speaker 3: focus on experimenting more. Okay, so mab Yeah, that's maybe

1034
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:45,959
Speaker 3: she just wants to try some new stuff.

1035
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:49,280
Speaker 2: Damn it, I don't think this stop good at. Why

1036
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:51,960
Speaker 2: because you're gonna make it for a whole house of people.

1037
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:53,560
Speaker 3: She's not making it for a whole house.

1038
00:43:53,719 --> 00:43:54,640
Speaker 2: She's just good stuff.

1039
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:56,839
Speaker 3: I kind of disagree because I think this whole thing

1040
00:43:56,880 --> 00:44:00,280
Speaker 3: has been I don't want to cater to the whole house.

1041
00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:02,560
Speaker 3: I want to do things that I enjoy doing.

1042
00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:04,279
Speaker 4: But she just say she's gonna be cooking for so

1043
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 4: many people, and that's why she's cooking the stuff that

1044
00:44:06,239 --> 00:44:07,800
Speaker 4: she's because she's like, I don't care anymore. I just

1045
00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:09,560
Speaker 4: want to cook stuff that me and my husband like it.

1046
00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:11,040
Speaker 4: If anyone else doesn't like it, I don't care.

1047
00:44:11,239 --> 00:44:13,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, she doesn't want to cook for them, she says.

1048
00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 3: She's basically saying they can cook for themselves. Now I'm

1049
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:16,560
Speaker 3: not doing it.

1050
00:44:16,640 --> 00:44:16,839
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1051
00:44:16,840 --> 00:44:18,600
Speaker 4: I don't think you should just be unilaterally made to

1052
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:20,319
Speaker 4: cook for the entire house all the time. I think

1053
00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:22,960
Speaker 4: that when you do, if you do, I think it

1054
00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:25,040
Speaker 4: makes sense to have some kind of rotation of who's

1055
00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:25,920
Speaker 4: cooking for everybody.

1056
00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:27,560
Speaker 2: That's yeah.

1057
00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:29,880
Speaker 3: I personally think you cook for yourself, and if you

1058
00:44:29,920 --> 00:44:32,560
Speaker 3: find enjoyment in cooking, then yeah, experiment. Do stuff that

1059
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:32,959
Speaker 3: you enjoy.

1060
00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:35,759
Speaker 2: If you're cooking for a group, you don't experiment. But

1061
00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:38,080
Speaker 2: if you're cooking for yourself, sure experiment.

1062
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:38,399
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1063
00:44:38,480 --> 00:44:40,200
Speaker 2: I thought you were saying you were going to experiment

1064
00:44:40,239 --> 00:44:41,080
Speaker 2: for cooking for the group.

1065
00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:42,720
Speaker 3: I don't think she wants some cook for the group anymore.

1066
00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:44,759
Speaker 3: They can all screw themselves while they cook what they

1067
00:44:44,840 --> 00:44:45,239
Speaker 3: want to eat.

1068
00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:48,279
Speaker 2: This is not sustainable vibe though. No, that's why you

1069
00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:50,120
Speaker 2: need an unsustainable vibe.

1070
00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:52,640
Speaker 3: You need to move out. I don't care what your

1071
00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:55,480
Speaker 3: husband says. You can figure out a way to move out.

1072
00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:57,560
Speaker 3: People have done it before. I know it's not gonna

1073
00:44:57,600 --> 00:44:59,960
Speaker 3: be easy, but I hope I can make these changes stick.

1074
00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:01,960
Speaker 3: I have no plans on reverting to the way things

1075
00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:05,880
Speaker 3: were before, now that I've been reminded of my self worth. Anyways,

1076
00:45:05,920 --> 00:45:08,840
Speaker 3: onto the main reason I came back here so soon.

1077
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:11,920
Speaker 3: Like I mentioned in my last post, I'm socially awkward introvert,

1078
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:15,200
Speaker 3: so I struggle with putting my thoughts and emotions into words.

1079
00:45:15,280 --> 00:45:17,080
Speaker 3: My husband and I are going to have a more

1080
00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:19,560
Speaker 3: in depth talk once things settle down. I wanted to

1081
00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:21,560
Speaker 3: ask for advice about what to say and how to

1082
00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:24,160
Speaker 3: say it. I know he'll probably try to argue that

1083
00:45:24,239 --> 00:45:26,319
Speaker 3: we need to look after his parents. I'm sure I'll

1084
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:30,000
Speaker 3: say stuff like it's sophish to only cook for ourselves. Sorry,

1085
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:35,160
Speaker 3: it's selfish to only cook for ourselves. Ourselves are cooking

1086
00:45:35,239 --> 00:45:38,120
Speaker 3: when when I have ourselves cook, I think ope is cooking.

1087
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:41,480
Speaker 2: It's the money situation. What's the rent situation? What's that?

1088
00:45:41,719 --> 00:45:44,359
Speaker 4: Because honestly, if you're being put up somewhere and you're

1089
00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:45,480
Speaker 4: not having to pay any money, I.

1090
00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:47,720
Speaker 2: Would agree with that. I would agree if.

1091
00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:50,040
Speaker 4: You're, if you're, if you're, if your penance of not

1092
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:52,440
Speaker 4: having to pay money to live there is that you

1093
00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:53,000
Speaker 4: got to cook.

1094
00:45:53,200 --> 00:45:55,919
Speaker 2: I don't I think that they're I don't agree.

1095
00:45:56,160 --> 00:45:58,719
Speaker 3: I think that it's been all put on OPE, and

1096
00:45:58,760 --> 00:45:59,680
Speaker 3: I think that's too much.

1097
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:02,480
Speaker 2: I think that I think OP is caring.

1098
00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:07,280
Speaker 3: For a baby, caring for an entire household, apparently to fight. Yeah,

1099
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:08,000
Speaker 3: I don't know.

1100
00:46:08,040 --> 00:46:10,719
Speaker 2: Apparently that baby likes to really knuckle up.

1101
00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:12,959
Speaker 3: So I think they need to move out. I'm gonna

1102
00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:15,040
Speaker 3: stand my ground and not back down or give in,

1103
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:17,840
Speaker 3: but I know it's also not reasonable to insist everything

1104
00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:19,319
Speaker 3: has to be done my way for the get go.

1105
00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:22,080
Speaker 3: Some compromises will have to be made. If you guys

1106
00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:24,640
Speaker 3: can help me one more time, I would really appreciate it.

1107
00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:27,680
Speaker 3: He as harsh, straightforward or brutally honest that you need

1108
00:46:27,719 --> 00:46:29,520
Speaker 3: to be. It's gonna be an uphill battle, I know.

1109
00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:31,720
Speaker 3: But if I can get my husband on my side,

1110
00:46:31,760 --> 00:46:33,760
Speaker 3: then we can do it. I just have to play

1111
00:46:33,760 --> 00:46:36,239
Speaker 3: my cards right, and if he refuses, well that means

1112
00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:39,120
Speaker 3: some drastic measures. And there is a final update.

1113
00:46:39,239 --> 00:46:40,319
Speaker 1: He is John oji host.

1114
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:41,879
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to the stories, but a quick

1115
00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:43,440
Speaker 2: free minute break of ads from our sponsors.

1116
00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:46,680
Speaker 3: But I think you sit down with him again and

1117
00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:49,160
Speaker 3: say point out to me why we can't move out,

1118
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:51,120
Speaker 3: because you keep saying, oh, yeah, we can't move out.

1119
00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:54,400
Speaker 3: We can do it, point out, show me our finances,

1120
00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:58,520
Speaker 3: and then and maybe bring to him some apartments some

1121
00:46:58,719 --> 00:47:01,960
Speaker 3: other places that you could rent and say, hey, this

1122
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:04,719
Speaker 3: costs this much, we have this amount that could be work. What.

1123
00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:06,959
Speaker 4: I feel like he's gonna say what you say, point

1124
00:47:06,960 --> 00:47:09,120
Speaker 4: out why we can't move out, and he'll go because

1125
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:09,800
Speaker 4: I say.

1126
00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:12,760
Speaker 3: So, And then at that point then we consider divorce.

1127
00:47:12,880 --> 00:47:14,680
Speaker 1: But it's so hard to divorce in India.

1128
00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:17,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, then you're gonna live with your one year old alone.

1129
00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:20,480
Speaker 3: It doesn't seem like she's necessarily like that's gonna be

1130
00:47:20,480 --> 00:47:22,120
Speaker 3: a problem. She didn't mention, well.

1131
00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:24,040
Speaker 1: That's good because our famil's in the UK though.

1132
00:47:24,239 --> 00:47:24,600
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1133
00:47:24,719 --> 00:47:26,839
Speaker 3: I mean she has an entire family that she could

1134
00:47:26,880 --> 00:47:30,479
Speaker 3: move back to and would probably fund her flight back. Okay,

1135
00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:31,400
Speaker 3: so they're pretty wealthy.

1136
00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:32,480
Speaker 2: No, so I don't.

1137
00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:34,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, it seems like they're more modern as well. So

1138
00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:37,480
Speaker 3: I feel like, Ope, if if she said I can't

1139
00:47:37,520 --> 00:47:40,359
Speaker 3: stand this marriage, I need a flight back, I think

1140
00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:41,160
Speaker 3: they would support her.

1141
00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:43,400
Speaker 4: Your energy would be better spent in trying to fix

1142
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:44,799
Speaker 4: the dynamics.

1143
00:47:44,239 --> 00:47:45,640
Speaker 2: Between you and your in laws.

1144
00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:48,160
Speaker 4: And I think because the fox glove says, I understand

1145
00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:49,640
Speaker 4: the culture, but I don't understand why her mother in

1146
00:47:49,719 --> 00:47:51,439
Speaker 4: law is so adamant demanding when it comes to cooking

1147
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:53,240
Speaker 4: and cleaning if her husband.

1148
00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:54,719
Speaker 2: Is also doing it, Like, what is wrong with that?

1149
00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:55,880
Speaker 2: Someone please enlighten me.

1150
00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:58,960
Speaker 4: I do think that there is because there's some disconnect

1151
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:00,359
Speaker 4: there with the other, with the sister in law, because

1152
00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:02,359
Speaker 4: the sister in law doesn't do any of that. Yeah,

1153
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:06,880
Speaker 4: So it's like there's some kind of imbalance in expectations,

1154
00:48:07,239 --> 00:48:10,640
Speaker 4: and I think that your husband needs to spend energy

1155
00:48:10,719 --> 00:48:12,880
Speaker 4: if he's adamant that. It's like, we cannot move out

1156
00:48:12,960 --> 00:48:16,439
Speaker 4: right now. Whether it's because it's the family or because

1157
00:48:16,480 --> 00:48:19,720
Speaker 4: it's the money or both, then it's like, all right, first,

1158
00:48:20,080 --> 00:48:22,600
Speaker 4: let's figure out exactly what our timeline is for moving

1159
00:48:22,600 --> 00:48:24,520
Speaker 4: out if we can't move out right now, And in

1160
00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 4: the meantime, let's figure out exactly how we're all going

1161
00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:29,799
Speaker 4: to get along, because it does really feel like you've

1162
00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:31,200
Speaker 4: kind of already set.

1163
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:34,640
Speaker 2: Your mind on not getting along, which is unsustainable.

1164
00:48:34,719 --> 00:48:37,839
Speaker 4: And even if it's not fair, sometimes all you can

1165
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:40,879
Speaker 4: do is try to make make things better.

1166
00:48:41,040 --> 00:48:43,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, but your husband needs to be on that same page.

1167
00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:45,960
Speaker 3: Durad says, I'm betting the family can't afford for Op

1168
00:48:46,080 --> 00:48:47,000
Speaker 3: and her husband to move out.

1169
00:48:47,239 --> 00:48:51,160
Speaker 2: Probably has there been have we talked about what they're.

1170
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:54,360
Speaker 3: Paying, Not exactly what they're paying, but it was said, yeah,

1171
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:57,120
Speaker 3: it was said that everyone is able to afford this

1172
00:48:57,160 --> 00:49:00,799
Speaker 3: house because there's three families paying. Okay, Yes, so they

1173
00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:01,360
Speaker 3: are paying.

1174
00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:03,440
Speaker 2: Okay, So that's so okay.

1175
00:49:03,480 --> 00:49:05,680
Speaker 4: Then my earlier point about the cooking for no rent,

1176
00:49:06,040 --> 00:49:09,160
Speaker 4: if there's no rent, then yeah, okay, cooking for no rent.

1177
00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:12,560
Speaker 4: I take that all day. But if that's not the case, again,

1178
00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:13,759
Speaker 4: we just need to figure.

1179
00:49:13,440 --> 00:49:15,040
Speaker 1: Out cooking and cleaning up.

1180
00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:18,120
Speaker 2: We need to figure out it's unbalanced. We need to

1181
00:49:18,160 --> 00:49:18,960
Speaker 2: find the balance.

1182
00:49:19,080 --> 00:49:20,480
Speaker 3: You hear your husband and a sign, and if he's

1183
00:49:20,480 --> 00:49:22,880
Speaker 3: not willing to be undersigned, then I don't see how

1184
00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:24,920
Speaker 3: the marriage can progress in a fair way. But there

1185
00:49:24,920 --> 00:49:28,280
Speaker 3: is an update. Hi everyone, It's been almost a month

1186
00:49:28,360 --> 00:49:31,200
Speaker 3: since I first posted. Oh no, three weeks since my

1187
00:49:31,239 --> 00:49:34,439
Speaker 3: first update. To cut to the chase, it's gone great.

1188
00:49:34,719 --> 00:49:39,360
Speaker 3: Oh I majorly stepped back from all the housework duties

1189
00:49:39,400 --> 00:49:41,560
Speaker 3: and only really clean up if someone else is watching

1190
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:44,320
Speaker 3: her child. I can see the messes getting on everyone's nerves,

1191
00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:46,279
Speaker 3: but no one has said anything to me yet, though

1192
00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:48,840
Speaker 3: I can see their annoyed looks well, minus one or

1193
00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:51,240
Speaker 3: two times when mother in law commented on how messy

1194
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:54,000
Speaker 3: the kitchen is and how many dishes there are, and

1195
00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:56,399
Speaker 3: I replied, why don't you watch the child and I'll

1196
00:49:56,440 --> 00:49:58,760
Speaker 3: clean up. Both times she took him for a few minutes,

1197
00:49:58,840 --> 00:50:01,160
Speaker 3: then brought them back to me, and I stopped cleaning

1198
00:50:01,200 --> 00:50:03,720
Speaker 3: the second she was back. I think that's great. Yes,

1199
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:06,719
Speaker 3: I think that's great because you're not being like ah,

1200
00:50:06,760 --> 00:50:12,480
Speaker 3: you are simply setting like consequences. It's not, you know,

1201
00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:16,080
Speaker 3: it's meant to be like rude or anything. It's just saying,

1202
00:50:16,239 --> 00:50:18,719
Speaker 3: if you watch the baby, i'll clean. If you don't

1203
00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:20,200
Speaker 3: watch the baby, I stop cleaning.

1204
00:50:20,280 --> 00:50:22,400
Speaker 2: You're Pavlov dogging her right now.

1205
00:50:22,960 --> 00:50:25,760
Speaker 3: She learned pretty quickly, and although some common stuff continued.

1206
00:50:25,840 --> 00:50:28,920
Speaker 3: They're generally not aimed at me, so I ignore them.

1207
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:31,080
Speaker 3: That's not to say I'm not doing anything at all.

1208
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:34,080
Speaker 3: I do an overall house reset every night before bed,

1209
00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:37,200
Speaker 3: mainly for my own sanity because seeing the mess drives

1210
00:50:37,200 --> 00:50:39,520
Speaker 3: me up the wall. But I keep them on their toes,

1211
00:50:39,680 --> 00:50:41,759
Speaker 3: doing only as much as I have the energy to,

1212
00:50:42,080 --> 00:50:45,080
Speaker 3: and not pushing myself to clean everything. So sometimes I'll

1213
00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:48,080
Speaker 3: only wash half the dishes. Other times I won't mop

1214
00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:50,319
Speaker 3: the floor, or I'll leave the stove till it gets

1215
00:50:50,360 --> 00:50:52,640
Speaker 3: really dirty. But there is a little bit left to

1216
00:50:52,719 --> 00:50:54,319
Speaker 3: this story. Any final fun.

1217
00:50:54,440 --> 00:50:57,160
Speaker 2: This was beautiful boundaries.

1218
00:50:58,480 --> 00:51:02,000
Speaker 3: I think use of or you know, setting up boundaries

1219
00:51:02,040 --> 00:51:02,480
Speaker 3: low key.

1220
00:51:03,400 --> 00:51:06,400
Speaker 1: I hate we had to kind of do the pavlog

1221
00:51:06,520 --> 00:51:09,719
Speaker 1: dog thing instead of actually communicate. Because even if you

1222
00:51:09,760 --> 00:51:11,279
Speaker 1: did communicate, ope, I don't, I don't.

1223
00:51:11,320 --> 00:51:12,200
Speaker 3: Actually it's a stick.

1224
00:51:12,520 --> 00:51:14,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think she would reject it.

1225
00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:17,280
Speaker 3: I still think that you should be aiming towards moving.

1226
00:51:17,040 --> 00:51:20,400
Speaker 4: Out, though instead of respecting your authority, she'd be rejecting

1227
00:51:20,440 --> 00:51:21,080
Speaker 4: your authority.

1228
00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:23,400
Speaker 3: I think that you got you have found a good

1229
00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:26,960
Speaker 3: you know, compromise right now, but I think that the

1230
00:51:27,080 --> 00:51:29,680
Speaker 3: end goal should be moving out. As for cooking, I've

1231
00:51:29,719 --> 00:51:32,520
Speaker 3: taken some time to make mini desserts and try out

1232
00:51:32,600 --> 00:51:35,600
Speaker 3: fancy mocktails and mohedos on days I don't cook, and

1233
00:51:35,719 --> 00:51:37,480
Speaker 3: on the days I do cook, I make something I

1234
00:51:37,520 --> 00:51:41,080
Speaker 3: want to, usually English style boiled. No complaints there either,

1235
00:51:41,280 --> 00:51:43,480
Speaker 3: and mother in law has taken over the role. It's

1236
00:51:43,480 --> 00:51:46,000
Speaker 3: not a perfect solution, and everything is still a mess.

1237
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:48,840
Speaker 3: While everyone adjusts to the retirement of their living maide.

1238
00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:51,439
Speaker 3: But I'm sure we'll settle into a routine soon enough.

1239
00:51:51,520 --> 00:51:54,120
Speaker 3: I've made my stance clear to everyone. If they want

1240
00:51:54,160 --> 00:51:56,400
Speaker 3: me to cook her clean, someone else has to be

1241
00:51:56,520 --> 00:52:01,080
Speaker 3: responsible for babysitting. Otherwise, my child is my and I'm

1242
00:52:01,120 --> 00:52:03,080
Speaker 3: busy with him. Just wanted to post on a air

1243
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:05,759
Speaker 3: in case anyone wanted to know, and because I've been

1244
00:52:05,800 --> 00:52:08,520
Speaker 3: thinking about updating for a while, if anyone has any

1245
00:52:08,560 --> 00:52:11,400
Speaker 3: advice whether about how to keep myself as a priority

1246
00:52:11,440 --> 00:52:14,680
Speaker 3: and maintain or better the current situation, I'm all years

1247
00:52:14,960 --> 00:52:17,319
Speaker 3: and if anyone has any recipes they'd like to share

1248
00:52:17,360 --> 00:52:20,640
Speaker 3: with me, meals, dessert, strengths, snacks, it'd be very much

1249
00:52:20,640 --> 00:52:23,320
Speaker 3: appreciated because I'm quickly running out of ideas.

1250
00:52:23,760 --> 00:52:25,440
Speaker 1: Thank you, buttered chicken.

1251
00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:27,000
Speaker 2: That's great, I think, butter.

1252
00:52:27,239 --> 00:52:29,920
Speaker 3: I think op getting to experiment in cooking brings a

1253
00:52:29,920 --> 00:52:31,799
Speaker 3: lot of the fun back into it rather than it

1254
00:52:31,920 --> 00:52:33,760
Speaker 3: just being a chore, which I think is great.

1255
00:52:33,840 --> 00:52:36,800
Speaker 1: Dude, when I get a one year old, I cannot

1256
00:52:36,880 --> 00:52:38,600
Speaker 1: wait to teach them how to cook with me.

1257
00:52:39,040 --> 00:52:39,960
Speaker 3: I'm gonna be yeah.

1258
00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:43,040
Speaker 2: Once they once I picked up from the one year

1259
00:52:43,040 --> 00:52:43,920
Speaker 2: old store.

1260
00:52:44,160 --> 00:52:47,200
Speaker 3: Once they are the hold things. They're they're going straight

1261
00:52:47,239 --> 00:52:47,600
Speaker 3: to work.

1262
00:52:47,719 --> 00:52:47,959
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1263
00:52:48,200 --> 00:52:51,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like in the minds. I saw this video

1264
00:52:51,440 --> 00:52:54,640
Speaker 1: of a little dude. He was like one and like

1265
00:52:54,719 --> 00:52:57,719
Speaker 1: cutting stuff up, and then you know he's getting his

1266
00:52:57,719 --> 00:52:58,359
Speaker 1: motor skills down.

1267
00:52:58,440 --> 00:52:59,680
Speaker 3: Probably was two.

1268
00:53:00,160 --> 00:53:02,719
Speaker 1: Year later when he turned to he was able to

1269
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:05,520
Speaker 1: chop it up. Yeah, that's they start him early.

1270
00:53:05,760 --> 00:53:06,040
Speaker 2: Dude.

1271
00:53:06,040 --> 00:53:10,440
Speaker 1: My kid's gonna be playing basketball like before he's sitting up.

1272
00:53:10,560 --> 00:53:11,240
Speaker 3: That's impressive.

1273
00:53:11,280 --> 00:53:11,480
Speaker 4: Man.

1274
00:53:11,920 --> 00:53:15,279
Speaker 2: My kid's gonna be tending the live stock. What is that?

1275
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:16,880
Speaker 4: What is that thing where the babies are in it

1276
00:53:16,920 --> 00:53:19,160
Speaker 4: and they just kind of like hover and they like can.

1277
00:53:19,080 --> 00:53:20,799
Speaker 3: Walk a little bouncing baby thing.

1278
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:24,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, little yeah, the walkie roller.

1279
00:53:24,640 --> 00:53:26,720
Speaker 1: That's how I worked on my basketball skills.

1280
00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:27,239
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1281
00:53:27,480 --> 00:53:27,600
Speaker 4: Was.

1282
00:53:27,640 --> 00:53:30,400
Speaker 1: We had to catch goats to worm them, and so

1283
00:53:30,480 --> 00:53:32,120
Speaker 1: what I had to do was in my field, I

1284
00:53:32,160 --> 00:53:33,279
Speaker 1: had to like kind of.

1285
00:53:33,320 --> 00:53:35,000
Speaker 2: Oh, you were doing the Caruso shuffle.

1286
00:53:35,120 --> 00:53:37,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like trying to get them and then

1287
00:53:37,040 --> 00:53:38,640
Speaker 1: I'd find him and then I'd dive and grab their

1288
00:53:38,719 --> 00:53:40,239
Speaker 1: leg and then we'd worm them.

1289
00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:42,960
Speaker 4: It's kind of you to injure Lebron James's ankle, like

1290
00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:44,160
Speaker 4: that one guy everyone hates.

1291
00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:45,080
Speaker 2: I can't remember his name.

1292
00:53:45,239 --> 00:53:46,080
Speaker 1: There's a few of them.

1293
00:53:46,200 --> 00:53:48,080
Speaker 3: This is back on the food topic.

1294
00:53:48,160 --> 00:53:49,000
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, what you got?

1295
00:53:49,160 --> 00:53:52,319
Speaker 3: This isn't UK specific, so I won't I won't throw

1296
00:53:52,360 --> 00:53:54,080
Speaker 3: any of our Brits under the bus.

1297
00:53:54,560 --> 00:53:56,920
Speaker 2: But I was red buses and I was in Europe.

1298
00:53:57,040 --> 00:53:59,480
Speaker 3: I feel like this is just kind of about spice

1299
00:53:59,560 --> 00:54:02,920
Speaker 3: levels Europe and we went. I was in Spain, and

1300
00:54:02,960 --> 00:54:06,840
Speaker 3: I feel like I expected Spain to have spicy foods.

1301
00:54:07,200 --> 00:54:10,200
Speaker 3: And I remember every time I ordered food that specific

1302
00:54:10,239 --> 00:54:13,920
Speaker 3: would say like hot, spicy, like three peppers. I would

1303
00:54:14,080 --> 00:54:17,680
Speaker 3: eat it and I was like, this has no spice

1304
00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:19,960
Speaker 3: it was. It wasn't spicy at all.

1305
00:54:20,120 --> 00:54:24,160
Speaker 4: The Spaniards, yeah, and the Cubans are not really they

1306
00:54:24,160 --> 00:54:27,480
Speaker 4: are not known for the actual spice levels of the food.

1307
00:54:27,760 --> 00:54:30,920
Speaker 4: I don't know about Portuguese, no, but I do know

1308
00:54:31,600 --> 00:54:33,000
Speaker 4: spicy in Latin.

1309
00:54:32,680 --> 00:54:34,919
Speaker 2: America that is known for the spicy Yeah.

1310
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:38,920
Speaker 3: Latin America, I didn't have. I didn't have any spicy

1311
00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:41,560
Speaker 3: food other than like the Indian food that I had.

1312
00:54:41,600 --> 00:54:43,839
Speaker 3: While I was traveling in Europe, I didn't have any

1313
00:54:43,840 --> 00:54:46,120
Speaker 3: spicy food even when it said it was spicy.

1314
00:54:46,480 --> 00:54:48,600
Speaker 2: Give us, let's give them a little spicy ending.

1315
00:54:48,840 --> 00:54:50,680
Speaker 3: If you love us, make sure to subscribe.

1316
00:54:51,239 --> 00:54:52,359
Speaker 1: What spicier.

1317
00:54:52,640 --> 00:54:58,160
Speaker 3: If you love us, make sure to subscribe. We love you.

1318
00:54:59,680 --> 00:55:01,000
Speaker 2: See and whoever

1319
00:55:02,680 --> 00:55:03,520
Speaker 3: Hot Ah