Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, you're on the move. I am
Speaker 1: almost on my way to New Zealand.
Speaker 2: Oh how exciting.
Speaker 1: I mean my last week. I have my friends here.
Speaker 3: It's my friend's birthday week, so there's a lot of
Speaker 3: men and women.
Speaker 2: At my house.
Speaker 3: They're all out right now, so I can record my
Speaker 3: podcast because I'm the only one who's remaining professional while
Speaker 3: I'm on vacation.
Speaker 4: Have you reconnected with any old flames from MAJORCA from
Speaker 4: before or anything.
Speaker 3: That I have, Catherine, you know that I have. I'm
Speaker 3: not here spinning my wheels on a bicycle all the time, Okay,
Speaker 3: I'm getting a lot of activity, just spending something else. Yes, yes,
Speaker 3: I'm very busy, Chelsea.
Speaker 4: Paula wrote in, and I think this is something really
Speaker 4: good to share because we talk a lot about like
Speaker 4: go get some therapy, but not everybody can afford that therapy.
Speaker 3: But Paula says, and support groups are typically free, right,
Speaker 3: exactly exactly.
Speaker 4: If you can't afford something, a lot of times there's
Speaker 4: free group therapy, support groups, all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 4: So take a look at what exists in your area.
Speaker 4: Paula says, I run a therapy center and I have
Speaker 4: to tell you I have plout what you're doing and
Speaker 4: think you would both make fabulous therapists. That's very sweet.
Speaker 4: I'm an avid listener. I heard one of your callers
Speaker 4: share that they would like to go to therapy but
Speaker 4: can't afford it, and I'm reaching out to let you
Speaker 4: know there are options for low income individuals to access
Speaker 4: quality therapy. If any of your callers are from California
Speaker 4: specifically and need mental health assistance, please let them know
Speaker 4: about Pelican Cove Counseling Center, where a nonprofit and offer
Speaker 4: a sliding scale fee structure to ensure all have access
Speaker 4: to quality, long term therapy. You can just direct them
Speaker 4: to our website and hit the contact link at the
Speaker 4: top navigation bar. A therapist will reach out in twenty
Speaker 4: four hours Pelicancove dot org. And I think that's amazing.
Speaker 4: There are resources like that in every single state, so like,
Speaker 4: really this stuff is a Google away.
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you for that writing that in.
Speaker 4: Yeah, thank you, Paula. And people reach out to Pelican Cove.
Speaker 4: A lot of places have sliding scale and that sort
Speaker 4: of thing.
Speaker 1: If lighting scales where it's at for payments and for grades.
Speaker 3: I appreciated slighting scales when I was growing up exactly.
Speaker 1: It's like I really got a seventy.
Speaker 3: But because everybody else is, I'm an idiot too, I
Speaker 3: got an idea.
Speaker 1: I'm like, thank you, love it, Chelsea.
Speaker 4: We have some very special guests today, maybe even more
Speaker 4: special than our normal guests.
Speaker 1: Okay, these are my nieces.
Speaker 3: I have three nieces, and two of my nieces are
Speaker 3: represented in today's episode.
Speaker 1: Jordan Ray and Charlie Day. How cute is that?
Speaker 3: And they're both very good at giving advice Catherine in
Speaker 3: their own peer groups and within our family. So I
Speaker 3: thought there would be a great addition to the podcast
Speaker 3: because they're both very smart. Charlie's in college, Jordan's just graduate,
Speaker 3: well not just graduated from college, but she's a college
Speaker 3: graduate making her way in the world today as a
Speaker 3: working woe man, and which Charlie will be soon following suit.
Speaker 5: So Hi girls, Hi, Hello, how are you?
Speaker 1: Thanks for coming on the podcast together. How cute a
Speaker 1: is this?
Speaker 6: I love it me too, I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 3: Okay, Charlie, I know you're a year ended at Emory
Speaker 3: University and Jordan just started a new job a few
Speaker 3: months ago. So these girls are very busy, and one
Speaker 3: of them is living in Sinn currently on the east coast. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and then start yeah, and it's also called a river.
Speaker 3: She's living with her she has a living lover.
Speaker 2: What's the river?
Speaker 1: Oh, the Jordan river.
Speaker 3: Sorry, I was gonna say it's also the name of
Speaker 3: a river, but it came out wrong. I'm so busy
Speaker 3: about putting my verbs announce in opposite directions in Spanish
Speaker 3: every morning that now I'm.
Speaker 1: Doing it in English. I'm like, wait, what river Jordan?
Speaker 3: No, Jordan lives with her boyfriend on the east coast
Speaker 3: and she just started a cool job. So I want
Speaker 3: to hear about how your this past year went for
Speaker 3: both of you. Jordan, you tell us how your new
Speaker 3: job is going, how your new city is going.
Speaker 5: Yeah. So it's funny because right around this time last year,
Speaker 5: I actually quit my last job, like I think it
Speaker 5: was like on my birthday last year. So that was
Speaker 5: really fun.
Speaker 1: And what kind of job was that? Tell everybody what
Speaker 1: you did there?
Speaker 5: It was a content creating kind of job, but it
Speaker 5: was in the techy kind of well being space. It
Speaker 5: was just very corporate and it just wasn't fun like
Speaker 5: it was supposed to be. Purposeful, but then you get
Speaker 5: so jaded in those kinds of environments. It just was
Speaker 5: not fun anymore. So I kind of decided, like, I
Speaker 5: want to change career paths. I want to move to
Speaker 5: a new city. I want to try out somewhere other
Speaker 5: than New Jersey because we've all been in New Jersey
Speaker 5: for so long. I just wanted to try a different state.
Speaker 5: And so we moved and I am now a company.
Speaker 5: It's a production company that's social impact driven and mission driven,
Speaker 5: and so it feels a lot more purposeful than before.
Speaker 5: And I'm getting into I don't know if I'm stepping
Speaker 5: on your toes content of being in the entertainment space
Speaker 5: trying not to, but.
Speaker 7: Yeah, that's what I'm doing.
Speaker 3: She got a job working with Shelley to Gilsky Pandemic
Speaker 3: of Love, as everyone knows on this podcast, among many
Speaker 3: other things, copious amounts of things. Shelley is she's a
Speaker 3: busy lady. So she and Samoe and my sister are
Speaker 3: very close. And she met Jordan and so she yeah,
Speaker 3: she helped Jordan get a job in her company.
Speaker 1: So that's awesome. And Charlie tell us about.
Speaker 3: Your freshman year in college, because the pictures were they
Speaker 3: looked like you were having a great time.
Speaker 6: That's absolutely correct, Listen, I was looking forward to college,
Speaker 6: but I didn't even know what was one step away.
Speaker 6: It was great.
Speaker 3: You didn't know how exciting this experience was gonna be, right, No, I.
Speaker 6: Mean so many different areas of my life have been
Speaker 6: improved after moving away from suburban New Jersey.
Speaker 8: Who could have known?
Speaker 1: And you like actually going to school, right, yeah?
Speaker 6: I mean I'm a bit of a nerd and I
Speaker 6: actually really enjoy school. But I mean there are so
Speaker 6: many great parts of freshman year outside of school.
Speaker 3: How would you balance your work life, Charlie in school
Speaker 3: this year with your party life? What would you say
Speaker 3: the appropriate college balance has been that you found?
Speaker 6: Well, Chelsea, I'm I've been towing the line more and
Speaker 6: more and I'm waiting for things to blow up and
Speaker 6: they haven't yet. So I'm just kind of upping the anti.
Speaker 3: Blow up in a good way or blow up in
Speaker 3: a and like deleterious manner, Which which kind of blow
Speaker 3: up are you looking for?
Speaker 6: As the year progressed, party levels went up more, I
Speaker 6: upped the anti and things haven't exactly crashed and burned yet,
Speaker 6: So I'm just kind of waiting for that point.
Speaker 3: Okay, right, so you're just going to enjoy the ride
Speaker 3: until you have to tone it down a notch. I
Speaker 3: understand what you're saying. I think, yes exactly, Jordan. Was
Speaker 3: that your experience your first year in college as well?
Speaker 5: No, I was super lame in college and you didn't
Speaker 5: go out very much. I also am a nerd and I.
Speaker 7: Just was like super obsessed with getting good grades.
Speaker 5: And also I did not go to like a good
Speaker 5: school for partying, but I figured it out over time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you figured out how to get your party on.
Speaker 5: You mean, oh yeah, it's mostly involved alcohol and just
Speaker 5: not worrying too much.
Speaker 3: Yes, we're a very pro cannabis family. I don't know
Speaker 3: if anyone's picked up on that vibe yet. Now, girls,
Speaker 3: I know that you recently went on a trip the
Speaker 3: three girls, so you know, everyone has knows. I have
Speaker 3: two sisters and I have three nieces, so it's perfect.
Speaker 3: So we have three three and three, and then our
Speaker 3: closest cousins are also three girls, so it's perfect because
Speaker 3: we just like to multiply females in groups of three.
Speaker 3: I know you recently went on a cousin's trip with
Speaker 3: Seneca the three of you, Can you tell me about
Speaker 3: that and what kind of cousin bonding you guys got
Speaker 3: up to.
Speaker 6: We all live in different areas of the country. I'm
Speaker 6: in the South, Jordan's always moving around, Sennny's in San
Speaker 6: Francisco or wherever. So we always need to squeeze in
Speaker 6: as much bonding as possible and in a short amount
Speaker 6: of time. And if you think it can't be done,
Speaker 6: we always prove you wrong. Every time we ate, we laughed,
Speaker 6: we drank other things.
Speaker 4: It was beautiful, other things like your aunt Chelsea would
Speaker 4: encourage you to do.
Speaker 3: By the way, girls, I sent you all boxes of
Speaker 3: clothes close I'm moving into my new house.
Speaker 1: I edited my closet.
Speaker 3: I sent you all boxes of clothes, and at the
Speaker 3: very last minute, Mollie came over and put a vibrator
Speaker 3: in each one of your packages. So just so you know,
Speaker 3: that is not from me, that's from Mollie trying to
Speaker 3: be funny.
Speaker 6: That's actually would be the third vibrator that you have
Speaker 6: sent me, so I expect the first.
Speaker 3: Okay, well, I'm glad that we cleared that up. Now
Speaker 3: back to your cousinly vacation. I wanted you to talk
Speaker 3: a little bit about your dynamic between the three of
Speaker 3: you and how or if you think it mimiced the
Speaker 3: other three women in our families dynamic at all.
Speaker 5: Oh interesting, I don't really think about it that way.
Speaker 5: I mean, Chelsea, you're like such a standout, Like I
Speaker 5: don't think we really fully have a Chelsea in our generation.
Speaker 5: But I'd say Charlie is the closest because she just
Speaker 5: literally cracks me up. Twenty four to seven. She woke
Speaker 5: up one day and she goes, oh my God, like
Speaker 5: I had a great night of sleep, and then I
Speaker 5: woke up this morning in said of her and I
Speaker 5: were like a parfit all layered together, and who just
Speaker 5: comes up with it? She just cracks me up constantly.
Speaker 5: So maybe that's my only comparison to you is Charles.
Speaker 3: Charlie does have some really good, really good singers. She
Speaker 3: comes out with some stuff that you're like, are you
Speaker 3: a poet? Or are you on something? But it always
Speaker 3: makes sense once you start to think about it.
Speaker 6: Well, over the years, the three girls, we would always
Speaker 6: try and see which sister we were, and it has
Speaker 6: definitely changed over the years, But there's always a gap.
Speaker 6: You're right, Jordan, it doesn't really fit. We've added some
Speaker 6: new things to the parfait, if you will.
Speaker 3: And then when we double, when we mix in our cousins,
Speaker 3: it's even better because they have young kids and they
Speaker 3: have babies, so then we can keep it youthful like
Speaker 3: this past year and Martha's Vineyard. I know you weren't there, Charlie,
Speaker 3: but we were, and we really enjoyed having.
Speaker 1: A younger dynamic there.
Speaker 3: And we actually that's when we started to threaten members
Speaker 3: of the family about doing that non anonymous three p.
Speaker 3: Sixty where we review each family member's performance and then
Speaker 3: make cuts based on that.
Speaker 7: Have you made the cuts?
Speaker 1: Yes, well I've made them into you know.
Speaker 3: I mean, I know what the cuts are, and everyone
Speaker 3: knows what my cuts are, so I don't even need
Speaker 3: to say it out loud.
Speaker 2: It seems like there's some people not invited to Myerica
Speaker 2: this year.
Speaker 1: But there's also so many other people to consider.
Speaker 3: We have so many cousins and everybody, I mean, and
Speaker 3: the girls and the kids all have are taking lovers.
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, you.
Speaker 1: Know, I mean, there's just so many people in the
Speaker 1: mix to consider.
Speaker 2: You're out here multiplying.
Speaker 5: Maybe we need a new draft.
Speaker 1: I think so. I think I think that's what we need.
Speaker 3: We could hold some auditions, well yeah, I mean, or
Speaker 3: we test them out on a vacation and see what
Speaker 3: kind of grade they get. You know, like Molly's obviously
Speaker 3: an A plus, carries another A plus. Both of their
Speaker 3: babies are A pluses as far as I'm concerned, And
Speaker 3: I don't say that very often, but you know what
Speaker 3: I'm talking about. Do you guys think it's an advantage
Speaker 3: that you come from such a big family? Do you
Speaker 3: feel like you come from a big family?
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, Oh yeah. I mean it's fun because I
Speaker 5: think like one of the things that I learned from
Speaker 5: this family is just leaning into chaos because there is
Speaker 5: no way of getting around it. And I think it's
Speaker 5: so easy to panic and be like, oh fuck, like
Speaker 5: everybody's a mess, and yeah, like they are a mess,
Speaker 5: but you just kind of go with it and you're like,
Speaker 5: appreciate everybody for the mess that they are.
Speaker 7: Instead of time.
Speaker 1: Nice.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a nice outlook to have. It's took me
Speaker 3: a long time to figure that out. I'd be like,
Speaker 3: why are you so fucking annoying, and then I have
Speaker 3: to realize, oh, they're just annoying. Go in the other direction.
Speaker 9: You know.
Speaker 3: Sometimes it's hard to get away from people though in
Speaker 3: our house, especially when there's so many of them.
Speaker 5: And especially when we're bunking up to the degree that
Speaker 5: we do.
Speaker 3: We do bunk up a lot because there's we have
Speaker 3: so many people that we have to get places that,
Speaker 3: you know, like half of us are sleeping in bunk beds.
Speaker 3: Obviously not us, mostly the boys, but sometimes it happens. Charlie,
Speaker 3: what about you? Do you feel like you come from
Speaker 3: a big family.
Speaker 7: I do.
Speaker 6: But the thing that kind of has resonated with me
Speaker 6: is the fection in our family, because I don't really
Speaker 6: I haven't really seen that in other people's family dynamics
Speaker 6: or my dad's branch of the family. Everybody's just super
Speaker 6: warm and loving and literally just touching each other struggling
Speaker 6: on the couch.
Speaker 3: Some would say it's slightly inappropriate, and I will take
Speaker 3: the responsibility for the inappropriateness. Jordan hasn't really been one
Speaker 3: of my victims because she because she rebuffed my advances
Speaker 3: from an early time, she had set a boundary.
Speaker 5: Oh see, that's my no No square.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I was like, oh, and then I looked
Speaker 3: for another no No square, and then I found Charlie
Speaker 3: and Seneca and they loved my advances and they welcome them,
Speaker 3: and so I'm still doing it, you know. But yeah,
Speaker 3: there is a lot of affection going on. That's nice.
Speaker 3: That's nice.
Speaker 1: I mean, how could you argue with affection? Any family
Speaker 1: that's not.
Speaker 3: Affection is where the problems are. So we're problem we
Speaker 3: have problems, but nobody has any secrets.
Speaker 4: Yeah, how do you guys work out issues that come
Speaker 4: up in the family or when somebody is being annoying?
Speaker 4: Do you hash it out? How does that work from
Speaker 4: the next generation's perspective.
Speaker 3: Well, Seneca usually, who's not here to speak for herself,
Speaker 3: usually yells at everyone. So in that way, she's very
Speaker 3: much like me and her spot in the generation. She
Speaker 3: has no tolerance for the boys in our family, so
Speaker 3: she's like, shut that fuck up.
Speaker 6: Everything's out on the table, everything's up for grabs. Nobody's
Speaker 6: hiding anything, and if you're doing something that's weird, you're
Speaker 6: gonna get called out, and you deserve to be called out.
Speaker 6: I made Jordan and I two very strong, independent women
Speaker 6: and we call people out and we're okay with criticism.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. That's great. I love that too.
Speaker 3: And on that note, we're going to take a break
Speaker 3: and we're going to be right back with my two
Speaker 3: nieces on Dear Chelsea.
Speaker 4: This week, we're looking for questions about dating, whether you're single,
Speaker 4: just starting to see someone, or out there on the apps.
Speaker 4: Right in with your questions to Dear Chelsea podcast at
Speaker 4: gmail dot.
Speaker 3: Com, and we're back with Jordan and Charlie. Okay, my
Speaker 3: nieces are here today.
Speaker 1: So this is so cute. I love it.
Speaker 2: Hit it all right.
Speaker 4: Well, our first question comes from cc CC says Dear Chelsea.
Speaker 4: I'm a twenty three year old student. My current boyfriend
Speaker 4: and I met in an art class about four months ago.
Speaker 4: We've been dating for three months. At the beginning of
Speaker 4: our relationship, I told him I'm a person that's really
Speaker 4: afraid of commitment and that we need to take it
Speaker 4: slow because of that. Since then, we've met each other's
Speaker 4: families a few times, gotten each other really personal gifts,
Speaker 4: and just recently came back from a five day trip
Speaker 4: to Colorado with him and his family. So as you
Speaker 4: can see, the taking it slow quickly got out of hand.
Speaker 4: As much as I like him, I've always been used
Speaker 4: to being very independent, self sufficient and alone, and lately
Speaker 4: I've been extremely focused on my career and my life,
Speaker 4: and I haven't really given too much thought or worry
Speaker 4: to my relationship since in my head, I was still
Speaker 4: taking it slow. However, a couple of days after coming
Speaker 4: back from Colorado, my boyfriend texted me that he's in
Speaker 4: love with me. Yes, he texted you, he texted me.
Speaker 2: She says.
Speaker 4: This is also the time to point out that he's
Speaker 4: three years younger than me, so he's twenty. I told
Speaker 4: him this was a conversation to be had in person,
Speaker 4: not over tich someone else, but that I was not
Speaker 4: on the same page as him. I'm writing to you
Speaker 4: because I officially do not know what to do. How
Speaker 4: do I go about this? Should I still be with him?
Speaker 4: Or is this a big enough issue to break up?
Speaker 4: I don't want to lead him on by telling him
Speaker 4: I might or might not fall in love with him
Speaker 4: later down the line, but I do like being with him.
Speaker 4: I just feel too young still, and saying I love
Speaker 4: you to someone is just something I don't see myself
Speaker 4: doing for a long time.
Speaker 1: Cci, Okay, who wants to go first?
Speaker 6: I have some comments I think with the whole commitment issue.
Speaker 6: This is something I've been thinking about myself recently, just
Speaker 6: the idea of commitment, because I was in a pretty
Speaker 6: long relationship before college and now I'm on the other
Speaker 6: end of the spectrum. But you can't really force yourself
Speaker 6: into wanting commitment. If it's not there, it's not going
Speaker 6: to be there, and that's not something that can artificially
Speaker 6: come about. So I think you might owe it to
Speaker 6: yourself and to your little lover to kind of establish
Speaker 6: a boundary and maybe distance yourself.
Speaker 3: Establish a boundary, and then distance yourself from a boundary
Speaker 3: back away.
Speaker 5: Jordan, I actually went through something very similar when I
Speaker 5: first started dating my partner. It was a long time ago,
Speaker 5: and he asked me if if I wanted to be
Speaker 5: a his girlfriend, and I had said no originally because
Speaker 5: I just wasn't ready, like.
Speaker 7: It seemed too serious. For whatever reason.
Speaker 5: Certain labels or certain words I feel like trigger us
Speaker 5: and it tells you a little bit something about yourself
Speaker 5: that you should probably dig into. But then he was
Speaker 5: like okay, and then he kind of bounced, and I
Speaker 5: was like, whoa wha, whoa. Wait a minute, Like I
Speaker 5: thought we could sort of do this half half in,
Speaker 5: half out thing, and then I realized I missed him,
Speaker 5: and I was like, wait, wait, let's pick this back
Speaker 5: up and just move a little slower. And So I
Speaker 5: feel like, if you step away and you don't miss
Speaker 5: that person, or you're just not really interested in reconnecting,
Speaker 5: that's a big sign that you shouldn't be moving in
Speaker 5: that direction or spending any more time. But I also
Speaker 5: feel like when we say we have commitment issues, it's
Speaker 5: something like you need to challenge or dig into a
Speaker 5: little bit more. Because for me, it was something of
Speaker 5: like I just wanted to be this strong person and
Speaker 5: I didn't ever want to be vulnerable. But if you
Speaker 5: ever want to have a relationship that matters and that
Speaker 5: you actually care about, you have to do that. So
Speaker 5: I don't know, I would look at both sides of it.
Speaker 5: It's like, if it's not this person, it's not this person.
Speaker 5: But if it's a commitment issue and you want to
Speaker 5: figure that out, I would figure that out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's very sagacious because you know, it's
Speaker 3: it is two things she's.
Speaker 1: Talking about a little bit.
Speaker 3: But also with with you know, when someone says that
Speaker 3: I love you and you don't feel that way, I
Speaker 3: really believe it is the person, the recipient's responsibility to
Speaker 3: make it very clear that those feelings are not being reciprocated,
Speaker 3: so that that person can have some truth on their side.
Speaker 3: They just said something that's very vulnerable, and even though
Speaker 3: you are not matching it, it's nice to be like,
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, I don't feel that way yet, or I
Speaker 3: don't feel that way now, or however you can say
Speaker 3: it to kind of, but be honest about it, you know,
Speaker 3: and also be honest about the fact that if they're
Speaker 3: in love with you and you don't feel that way,
Speaker 3: it probably means that you're not in love with them.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Usually if people are in love, they're feeling it, not.
Speaker 7: One being like you back.
Speaker 1: And the other person's look, I'm closer. No, it's not
Speaker 1: like that, I know.
Speaker 3: And also to anyone listening, when someone says I love
Speaker 3: you and it makes you have a reaction like that's
Speaker 3: not a good thing, that's not good. That's not because
Speaker 3: you're too young or you're a commitment foe. That just
Speaker 3: means that person is not your person or one of
Speaker 3: your people. If you think you're too young at twenty three, right, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: you are too young to be like in love or
Speaker 3: expectations of being love. But if this is a like
Speaker 3: a recurring theme in your life, or it becomes one
Speaker 3: where you're like, I just don't want a relationship, I
Speaker 3: don't want a relationship, then yes, it probably is a
Speaker 3: commitment issue.
Speaker 1: I've definitely been there myself as well.
Speaker 3: But I think being honest with the other person, you know,
Speaker 3: is also really the most important thing.
Speaker 1: It's just everyone has so nobody gets confused, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean.
Speaker 3: And if you really don't think you're going down that road,
Speaker 3: be honest about that too, and like or not be honest,
Speaker 3: but you know, separate yourself from that person so that
Speaker 3: you can give them a chance to find someone who
Speaker 3: also does feel the same way. So yeah, yeah, especially
Speaker 3: if you if you don't care, you know, Okay, So good.
Speaker 1: Luck with that. What's her name Charlotte cec Cca, Charlotte, Charlotte.
Speaker 1: She's a sophomore. She's her name is Charlotte.
Speaker 2: It's probably short for Carlett. Let's be honest.
Speaker 4: Well, Sophie is our first caller today, and she's calling
Speaker 4: from Canada. She says, Dear Chelsea, my name is Sophie,
Speaker 4: and Anna.
Speaker 1: Is a trigger for me, A happy trigger, now still
Speaker 1: a trigger.
Speaker 4: Recently, I've been struggling with the idea of leaving home
Speaker 4: and going to university. I got into McGill, a university
Speaker 4: in Montreal, which is a couple hours from where I
Speaker 4: live right now, so I will have to move out
Speaker 4: in the fall. McGill is my dream university, although I
Speaker 4: don't feel excited or any of the feelings you're supposed
Speaker 4: to feel when you get into your dream university, because
Speaker 4: I know this means it's the end of the part
Speaker 4: of my life that's familiar and the beginning of a
Speaker 4: new one that's so unknown. Although I do know moving
Speaker 4: away is the best thing for me, it makes me
Speaker 4: really sad to think that once I move out, it's
Speaker 4: going to be the end, not to be dramatic of
Speaker 4: basically my childhood. I'm so grateful that I'm able to
Speaker 4: go to such a nice university and be supported by
Speaker 4: my family, but I'm really dreading this new part of
Speaker 4: my life. I'm wondering how Jordan Charlie dealt with these
Speaker 4: kinds of changes in their lives, and if they have
Speaker 4: any advice kind regards Sophie.
Speaker 1: Hi, Sophie, Hi, so Hi.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, how cute are you too? Look at
Speaker 3: Charlie and Sophie are side by side. They look like
Speaker 3: they could be sitting in the same room on the zoom. Well,
Speaker 3: you came to the right place since we have some
Speaker 3: college students and college graduates here.
Speaker 1: Okay, girls, go ahead. Jordan, why don't you go first?
Speaker 5: Well, I was going to say, I actually think Charlie
Speaker 5: should take this one first because she did this more
Speaker 5: recently than I did.
Speaker 7: So no, I'm happy to.
Speaker 6: It's really scary, kind of it seems like a very
Speaker 6: official end to your childhood in a way, and it's
Speaker 6: kind of scary to separate yourself from your parents. I
Speaker 6: don't know if that's something that you're feeling, but.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I know it is.
Speaker 6: You don't have to feel guilty about growing up and
Speaker 6: starting your life. That's not something that you have to
Speaker 6: feel guilty about. And it's really difficult to kind of
Speaker 6: separate the excitement of doing that from the guilt of
Speaker 6: spending less time with your family or in your hometown.
Speaker 6: I think when you actually get to college, you'll see
Speaker 6: that there's this whole world out there waiting for you,
Speaker 6: and there's so much newness. And I'm telling you, when
Speaker 6: you go home, this was something I was afraid of.
Speaker 6: I was afraid that I would go home and things
Speaker 6: would feel kind of different, the dynamics or just the
Speaker 6: feeling of my house even.
Speaker 8: And it's not.
Speaker 6: I assure you you'll come home and things just kind
Speaker 6: of rev back up and almost resume where they were.
Speaker 6: But it's definitely a scary time.
Speaker 10: Yeah, And I think it's just scary for me to
Speaker 10: think that, like, once I do move out, I can
Speaker 10: move back home, but it's not the same, it's not
Speaker 10: like the same dynamic, I feel like.
Speaker 8: I think that's what also freaks me out.
Speaker 3: But like the end of an era, it is the
Speaker 3: end of the era, but it's also like a rite
Speaker 3: of passage, like you're moving into something and everyone's a
Speaker 3: little bit scared to go to college. There's also a
Speaker 3: huge beginning happening, and it's really not the end. It's
Speaker 3: the end of your childhood. It is, but you're always
Speaker 3: going to come home and you have so much to
Speaker 3: be excited about. What better time is there in life
Speaker 3: than to be a freshman in college.
Speaker 8: That's true.
Speaker 1: Did you have a hard time Jordan leaving?
Speaker 5: No, I didn't. I felt very ready when I went.
Speaker 5: But also, you know, over time, you start to miss
Speaker 5: the people that you grew up with, and it makes
Speaker 5: total sense, And I think it sounds like you have
Speaker 5: a great family, which is a total blessing.
Speaker 7: Because not everybody has that.
Speaker 5: So it's nice that you have something that you don't
Speaker 5: want to leave and something that you can come back to.
Speaker 5: But I think one of the cool things about coming
Speaker 5: back from college for the first time is figuring out
Speaker 5: those new dynamics. It's not all bad. You still get
Speaker 5: to be your parents' baby. They still they actually like
Speaker 5: babying you when you come back, believe it or not.
Speaker 5: And also you get to figure out like how to
Speaker 5: sort of be an adult with them without really having
Speaker 5: the responsibilities of being an adult.
Speaker 7: Yet.
Speaker 5: It's a really cool in between stage where you get
Speaker 5: to figure out how to be friends with your parents
Speaker 5: and you see parts of your parents that you didn't
Speaker 5: see before. It's like unlocking also those relationships in a
Speaker 5: different way. So I get the fear, I get the anxiety.
Speaker 5: It's totally normal. I would try making a mental switch
Speaker 5: in your head to excitement from that because there is
Speaker 5: a lot to be excited about and when you come
Speaker 5: home you just see just like absorb it, sit in
Speaker 5: it and be happy to be there and see kind
Speaker 5: of where it takes you.
Speaker 7: But yeah, you have a lot to look forward to it.
Speaker 10: Yeah, that's the thing because I'm a really, like I
Speaker 10: think I'm a slow to warm up person.
Speaker 8: Like right now, I know, I'm really nervous.
Speaker 10: About it, but i know once I'm there, I'll warm
Speaker 10: up to it and I'll enjoy it.
Speaker 8: It's like the in between stage.
Speaker 3: But I think Jorady brought up a great point for
Speaker 3: something that you can do. Whether it's like an exercise
Speaker 3: of you writing it down all the time, but like,
Speaker 3: think about how lucky you are to have grown up
Speaker 3: in a home that you really are like sad to leave.
Speaker 3: You're grateful for your parents, You're grateful for your bedroom,
Speaker 3: You're grateful for your house, You're grateful for all of
Speaker 3: your neighbors and all of the things that come with it.
Speaker 3: Just keep a journal of that, or write down a
Speaker 3: gratitude list, because that's going to help you move into
Speaker 3: the next phase of your life with a little bit
Speaker 3: more grace and a little less fear and it's okay
Speaker 3: to be scared. It's exciting. That means you care, you
Speaker 3: know what I mean. Being scared of something means you're
Speaker 3: nervous and that you care, and that's okay too.
Speaker 8: Yeah, that's totally true.
Speaker 1: Do you have any friends that from high school that
Speaker 1: are going to your college?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 10: Actually pretty much everyone I know is going to make Yelle.
Speaker 10: But I do have my best friend who's going to
Speaker 10: be and it's like pretty much across the country, So
Speaker 10: I'm really gonna miss her.
Speaker 8: That's really gonna suck.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I.
Speaker 8: Didn't like you that I have so many friends going.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker 3: So yeah, make sure you just like set up a
Speaker 3: nice like set time that you're gonna like see if
Speaker 3: people you know throughout the year, whether it's once a
Speaker 3: week or twice a week. Get a high school group
Speaker 3: together and be like, I want to make sure we
Speaker 3: stay you know, close while we're in college, and like
Speaker 3: get something going like a support group for like being you.
Speaker 1: Know, new freshman or whatever you want to do or
Speaker 1: call it.
Speaker 6: Yeah, one thing that I did with my best friend
Speaker 6: she went to college up north and I'm down south.
Speaker 6: Every Monday, we would send five pictures from our week
Speaker 6: as a little dump to kind of fill each other in. Yeah,
Speaker 6: and it was a lot of fun because I would
Speaker 6: take pictures throughout the week thinking like, oh, I'm gonna
Speaker 6: send this to my friends, She's gonna think this is
Speaker 6: so funny. Yeah, and we could keep each other up
Speaker 6: to date and it was a ton of fun.
Speaker 8: Yeah, it's a really great idea.
Speaker 3: Now you just have to find a social media platform
Speaker 3: where you can do that.
Speaker 4: On a couple little tricks too, to bring with you.
Speaker 4: First of all, like when you go if you're in
Speaker 4: a situation where you don't know anybody, like none of
Speaker 4: your friends are in that mixer or whatever, just know
Speaker 4: like everybody else there has no friends there either, So like,
Speaker 4: don't be afraid to go up to people and be like, Hi,
Speaker 4: I'm so and so and like what's your name, and
Speaker 4: you know, because they might be feeling really out of
Speaker 4: place or nervous as well.
Speaker 3: Well, that is a good point because everyone's in the
Speaker 3: same boat as you. It's not like you're going off
Speaker 3: to war alone. And well that's not a good example
Speaker 3: either because people are going together to example, but you know,
Speaker 3: at least you're in the same boat with everyone, Like
Speaker 3: everyone is new, so it's a perfect opportunity.
Speaker 5: Especially that first semester. It's the best time to make friends.
Speaker 5: Oh you can make friends over nothing. You can like,
Speaker 5: you know, have a lecture hall together and sit next
Speaker 5: to each other once and now.
Speaker 1: You yeah okay.
Speaker 4: And the other thing I would say is say yes
Speaker 4: to everything that sounds fun. So if someone invites you
Speaker 4: or there's something you see that's like an event, you
Speaker 4: can go to say yes to absolutely everything for the
Speaker 4: first like six months, just so you can like be
Speaker 4: out there meeting people because you're not going to meet
Speaker 4: people sitting in your dorm room.
Speaker 8: Yeah, okay, thank you guys so much.
Speaker 3: Oh good, I feel like they gave me some really
Speaker 3: great advice today. Yeah, change that frame of mind around.
Speaker 3: I'm excited for you. You get excited for you too, good luck. Well,
Speaker 3: thank you Okay, bye, Sophie.
Speaker 4: Bye bye. What a total cutie.
Speaker 1: Oh I know.
Speaker 3: I just love the idea of wanting to stay home
Speaker 3: after or like really missing like I could not fucking
Speaker 3: meet when I was like nine or ten, I was
Speaker 3: like looking in the like want ads to see how
Speaker 3: old you?
Speaker 6: Like?
Speaker 3: I was like, are there apartments that I could possibly afford, like,
Speaker 3: do you know in Australia?
Speaker 1: How do I get the fuck out of here?
Speaker 4: Well, our next question comes from G and this is
Speaker 4: a write in, so she's not joining us today. G says,
Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea. A few years ago, I lost all of
Speaker 4: my friends because I chose to stop being friends with
Speaker 4: the toxic one. Unfortunately, she was very manipulative and influenced
Speaker 4: the entire group to stop hanging out with me. Despite
Speaker 4: the fallout being just between us two, I recently got engaged,
Speaker 4: and as excited as I am, I'm also dreading the
Speaker 4: wedding planning because of my new lack of friends. I
Speaker 4: won't have the excitement of having a typical bridal party
Speaker 4: or bachelorette getaway, nor do I expect to ever be
Speaker 4: part of one. Don't get me wrong, I have a
Speaker 4: few friends, but they're all spread out across the country
Speaker 4: and I don't think it would be feasible for any
Speaker 4: of us to happen. My question is how can I
Speaker 4: make this process an exciting one despite the lack of support?
Speaker 4: How do I get over being so sad and lonely
Speaker 4: in the social aspect of my life? Best?
Speaker 1: G Oh, that sounds like a bummer.
Speaker 3: No, No, well, it just sounds like you're going to
Speaker 3: have to make a new group of friends, and it's
Speaker 3: going to take an from where you live. Like I've
Speaker 3: heard of these things happening with adult women before. It's
Speaker 3: so embarrassing, but it's happened to me, and I'm sure
Speaker 3: I've done it to plenty of people.
Speaker 1: So yeah, you just have to make a new set
Speaker 1: of friends.
Speaker 3: And it does suck, but it is a time to
Speaker 3: be like celebratory in your life, right, girls. I mean,
Speaker 3: you're getting married, You've got a great husband, and it's unfortunate,
Speaker 3: but at least you don't have that toxicity in your life.
Speaker 3: It's sad that it's at the expense of like all
Speaker 3: the other friendships. But I would just focus on, you know,
Speaker 3: be open minded about who else you're going to hang
Speaker 3: out with, and and and it will take time to
Speaker 3: make a new circle of friends, and I would try.
Speaker 3: I would encourage you to do something for your wedding.
Speaker 3: As much as I fucking hate bachelorette parties, I would
Speaker 3: encourage you to celebrate yourself if that's what you want
Speaker 3: to do with your friends across the country and those
Speaker 3: who can come could come, and if they can't, they can't.
Speaker 3: And yeah, I don't assume things can't happen just because
Speaker 3: you say they can't.
Speaker 7: Agreed, I totally agree.
Speaker 5: Don't assume that they won't want to come or that
Speaker 5: they can't make it. Always the least you can do
Speaker 5: is ask, And honestly, I mean, I don't know if
Speaker 5: you still want to be friends with any of those girls,
Speaker 5: but these kind of events are a great way to
Speaker 5: reconnect with people that you haven't talked to in a while.
Speaker 5: If they're toxic, leave them behind. But if there was
Speaker 5: one or two of them that you were really close with,
Speaker 5: this might be your opportunity to reconnect with them and
Speaker 5: kind of sidestep that toxic person. I'd also say avoid
Speaker 5: feeling like you getting married has to be this perfect
Speaker 5: momentous thing where all of these people come together in
Speaker 5: the most perfect way. Like we get so pressured into
Speaker 5: feeling like it has to be your fairy tale moment
Speaker 5: and everything has to align perfectly. That's never going to
Speaker 5: happen no matter what. So lean into it just being
Speaker 5: a happy day for you, whatever that means, and focus
Speaker 5: on the people that are there for you. Because even
Speaker 5: if it's not female friends. There are going to be
Speaker 5: people that are going to show up for you that day,
Speaker 5: and I'm sure you'll be surprised by the fact that
Speaker 5: you don't miss them.
Speaker 1: Yeah that is really good advice.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's great advice.
Speaker 1: Charlie. What do you think.
Speaker 6: Well, I'd like to applaud you for, you know, distancing
Speaker 6: yourself from somebody who wasn't good for you. A lot
Speaker 6: of people, myself included, struggle with kind of setting those
Speaker 6: boundaries and taking themselves out of situations that aren't good
Speaker 6: for them, and I don't know, separating yourself from people
Speaker 6: who aren't lifting you up. So first of all, I'd
Speaker 6: like to say, good job knowing yourself and getting out
Speaker 6: of that situation.
Speaker 8: And second, this.
Speaker 6: Whole friend group, it's not an end all, be all.
Speaker 6: There's so many other people out there who want to
Speaker 6: make friends and people who will actually be good and
Speaker 6: kind to you and who have things in common with you.
Speaker 6: So I say, and not just for the purpose of
Speaker 6: bridesmaids or wedding preparations, that you should put yourself out
Speaker 6: there depending on where you live, go outside, go to
Speaker 6: a park, go to some sort of event. People always
Speaker 6: want to make friends that's I mean, of course, something
Speaker 6: big in college, which is what we were just talking about,
Speaker 6: but it doesn't really change. People want to make friends.
Speaker 6: So yeah, I think it's time to shift that mindset.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I make friends all the time. Every week I make friends.
Speaker 3: And it's not because I'm a celebrity. I talk to
Speaker 3: people Rando's all the time and I make friends. So
Speaker 3: it's just about your attitude. Sometimes I don't want to
Speaker 3: make friends and I make friends. You know that can
Speaker 3: be very tricky.
Speaker 1: Girls.
Speaker 3: Before we go to the next color, I had your
Speaker 3: mother's on the podcast. Did you hear about this trun? Okay,
Speaker 3: what did you hear?
Speaker 6: I heard that it was a catastrophe.
Speaker 1: Well, oh, now, Simone was fine as a normal.
Speaker 3: And then there was Shashana, who is Charlie's mother, who
Speaker 3: was walking around with her laptop throughout the entire house
Speaker 3: throughout the episode with callers on going I.
Speaker 1: Can't get a signal.
Speaker 3: I can't get a signal, so we're all getting motion
Speaker 3: sickness while watching her try to get a fucking Wi
Speaker 3: Fi signal in her own house, I'm like, have you
Speaker 3: never you've never checked your WiFi before?
Speaker 1: Are you on WiFi? She's like, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't know.
Speaker 3: I'm like, you, you've never done a zoom and she's like, no,
Speaker 3: not usually. I'm like, oh my god, Shashana, I am
Speaker 3: gonna throw up. And then Simone came down to California
Speaker 3: and she goes A couple days later, she goes, uh,
Speaker 3: we're not doing that again.
Speaker 1: And I go what?
Speaker 3: And she goes to the podcast, I'm not doing that again,
Speaker 3: not with Shashawana and not alone. I go, we can
Speaker 3: do it without Shauna and she goes, I don't want
Speaker 3: anything to do with it anymore.
Speaker 1: Oh man.
Speaker 3: Then yesterday I was talking to Shawna and she goes,
Speaker 3: oh my god, I'm so sorry about the other day.
Speaker 1: I don't know what happened. I go, what, I know
Speaker 1: what happened.
Speaker 3: Every time I've spoken to you on the phone, there's
Speaker 3: been an issue since I moved to California.
Speaker 1: I'm forty nine years old.
Speaker 3: I've been here for thirty years, and I've never had
Speaker 3: a conversation with you that didn't somehow drop the call
Speaker 3: or there was fuzz or you know, there was like
Speaker 3: a loud beeping sound and she's like, I'm really sorry.
Speaker 3: She's like, please don't air that. I'm like, well, I
Speaker 3: think we're going to because Simon moves.
Speaker 4: Don't worry. Tell her we're going to clean it up.
Speaker 4: We'll cut out all the like funky bits and it'll sound.
Speaker 1: She goes, and then she said this doozy.
Speaker 3: She said, oh, And I felt so bad because that
Speaker 3: one caller I was giving advice to I didn't even
Speaker 3: hear the questions. So I was just She's like, I
Speaker 3: was just shooting fish into a barrel. That's what she
Speaker 3: said to me, shooting fish into a barrel. I'm like,
Speaker 3: you're playing with people's lives.
Speaker 6: Meanwhile, I'm in the same house, on the same computer.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, I can't wait to tell her that it was
Speaker 3: fine with you. She's unreal. She's unreal. There's like a
Speaker 3: loud sire and sometimes I'm like, what is that sound.
Speaker 3: She's like, I don't hear it. I'm like, you don't
Speaker 3: hear that loud sign in the phone.
Speaker 4: We sent her into the basement to get closer to
Speaker 4: the Wi Fi, and then she was like sitting on
Speaker 4: the stick.
Speaker 8: Oh my god, oh my god.
Speaker 5: If okay, so you asked before, if there's a Chelsea
Speaker 5: of our generation, I think that Shoshana is the Seymour
Speaker 5: of your general.
Speaker 3: Shanna is the Chelsea. I'm like, what, we don't have
Speaker 3: anything in common. Shawna wouldn't like to be called Seymour.
Speaker 3: That's our father, their grandfather, and no one wants to
Speaker 3: be compared to him because he was up to some sneaky.
Speaker 7: Actually, no, that was sneaky.
Speaker 3: That was the problem. It wasn't sneaky at all. If
Speaker 3: he had been sneakier, it might have been more dignified.
Speaker 3: But he didn't sneak anything.
Speaker 5: He had some really, and again, we don't sneak everything
Speaker 5: down on the table, whether you like it or not.
Speaker 4: But I will say you also did compare her to
Speaker 4: Seymour on I know, but.
Speaker 1: She doesn't like it, so I don't say it to her.
Speaker 1: But yes, believe me, I see the similarity.
Speaker 6: My dad he puts it, well, he thinks that she
Speaker 6: is like the ultimate mix of Rita and Seymour.
Speaker 1: How so, because she's.
Speaker 6: Very warm and she also really likes to bargain.
Speaker 3: Yeah, right, so that's Seymour. And then warm is my mother?
Speaker 3: My mother was very warm. Yeah, she is very warm. Okay, well,
Speaker 3: we we'll figure that.
Speaker 1: Problem out as we see it.
Speaker 3: We'll just have to keep dealing with it until we
Speaker 3: come to an actual prognosis.
Speaker 5: And then follow that up with an intervention.
Speaker 1: Diagnosis. We need a diagnosis, a prognosis, and an.
Speaker 8: Intervention and a prescription.
Speaker 1: Okay, we'll take a break and we'll be right back
Speaker 1: with my nieces and we're back.
Speaker 4: Okay, Okay, So Evelyn's are she her? Evelyn says, dear Chelsea.
Speaker 4: My name's Evelyn, and I'm a trans woman on the
Speaker 4: cusp of Millennial and gen Z. I've been doing intense
Speaker 4: therapy for the last two years or so since realizing
Speaker 4: I was trans, and have been making major progress in
Speaker 4: healing religious and family traumas. On one hand, I'm so
Speaker 4: proud of myself for the incredible progress they've made. But
Speaker 4: on the other, I'm incredibly nihilistic about the future, the world,
Speaker 4: and my place in it, knowing that nihilism runs rampant
Speaker 4: in gen Z. How do you fight this? Anytime I
Speaker 4: try to get involved in fighting for LGBTQIA plus rights,
Speaker 4: women's rights, gun control, are really any social justice, I
Speaker 4: get burnt out so quickly. I want to feel positive
Speaker 4: when looking to the future, and I want to be
Speaker 4: that person who's on the front lines of the good fight,
Speaker 4: but I just can't seem to do it. How can
Speaker 4: I take the good vibes and self love I'm developing
Speaker 4: through therapy and apply it to the future. Love this podcast.
Speaker 4: Thanks for all the wonderful advice over the years.
Speaker 2: Avelyn, Hi, Evelyn.
Speaker 5: Hi.
Speaker 1: Hello, that's Jordan and that's Charlie.
Speaker 5: Hi.
Speaker 9: Nice to meet you.
Speaker 1: Okay, so well, let's talk about what you're ingesting.
Speaker 9: What are you ingesting A lot of social media doom
Speaker 9: scrolling and ticked talk and X and all that stuff.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I had your problem for a long time,
Speaker 3: and I just I'm not uninformed, but I'm less. I
Speaker 3: check in with the news in a written form, and
Speaker 3: I don't pay attention to that. I hardly go on
Speaker 3: Instagram anymore. I hardly ever go on TikTok. I honestly,
Speaker 3: it eats at your brain, and it eats at your
Speaker 3: self esteem.
Speaker 1: It has such a corrosive effect.
Speaker 3: I mean, I can tell if I look at social media,
Speaker 3: if for three or five minutes, I get something bothers
Speaker 3: me about it, something brings me down about it. You know,
Speaker 3: whether you're comparing yourself to someone you think is a
Speaker 3: better life or you're looking at someone that you can't
Speaker 3: stand and say, you know what I mean, or you're
Speaker 3: hearing all this loud noise. You have to minimize your
Speaker 3: access to social media. And one of the things that
Speaker 3: I'm so impressed and proud of with all of my
Speaker 3: nieces and many of my nephews too, is they're not
Speaker 3: consumed with social media at all, are you guys? Not really,
Speaker 3: they don't care and they're happy arth you know what
Speaker 3: I mean. It is a definite component of being happy
Speaker 3: and unhappy, you know, social media is a component in that.
Speaker 1: So you really have to limit your time.
Speaker 3: That's the very first thing you could do that will
Speaker 3: definitely have a positive impact, right girls, for sure?
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 5: I think one thing that I do is I have
Speaker 5: this function on my phone where if I double tap
Speaker 5: the back of my phone, it goes from color to
Speaker 5: black and white. Whenever I go onto social media, I
Speaker 5: switch it to black and white, and I'm not as
Speaker 5: tempted to keep scrolling as long. So that's something that
Speaker 5: really helps me. But then you can switch it back
Speaker 5: to color when you're like looking at a photo somebody
Speaker 5: sent you or whatever. But I would say, what you're
Speaker 5: going through is completely relatable, like so many people are agent.
Speaker 5: I'm also in between gen Z and millennials. I'm kind
Speaker 5: of neither. I'm sort of in this in between space,
Speaker 5: and there is a lot of eco anxiety. There's a
Speaker 5: lot of just fear for the future and whether or
Speaker 5: not we're going to have any rights. And so I
Speaker 5: would say though all the media you're consuming is meant
Speaker 5: to make you feel that way. It's meant to make
Speaker 5: you feel hopeless. It's meant to make you feel like
Speaker 5: you don't have any power. And so when you do anything,
Speaker 5: it could be supporting a content creator that you think
Speaker 5: deserves support. It could be donating five dollars to the ACLU.
Speaker 5: It could be you know, volunteering for one hour of
Speaker 5: the week. Whatever little thing you can do, it's better
Speaker 5: than nothing, right, And I think when we do those
Speaker 5: little things, it gives you that spark of hope back.
Speaker 5: And it doesn't have to be doing something major or
Speaker 5: like fixing the world. All we all have to do
Speaker 5: is do one thing. If we all did one thing,
Speaker 5: we could move everything way further. But if we all
Speaker 5: sit in this space of like, oh God, like I
Speaker 5: don't know what to do, I'm just going to give
Speaker 5: up and not do anything.
Speaker 7: Then nothing gets accomplished.
Speaker 5: And so I think a lot of people our age
Speaker 5: are falling into that where they're like, if I can't
Speaker 5: change everything now, that's the point. But then we stop
Speaker 5: progress all together, and we have to think twenty years
Speaker 5: from now, we stop now, like it's coming to a
Speaker 5: complete hall and then nothing's happening.
Speaker 7: So we just have to take those little steps every day.
Speaker 5: So if you can do one small thing every day
Speaker 5: that makes you feel like, Okay, I contributed, that's all
Speaker 5: I had to do, don't feel like it has to
Speaker 5: be some massive thing.
Speaker 1: I love that. That's great advice. Do you love that, Evelyn?
Speaker 9: I love it.
Speaker 5: Yes.
Speaker 9: Where where would you start? Do you have any recommendations
Speaker 9: for like how to consume the news and make sure
Speaker 9: you're still informed without getting it all from like social
Speaker 9: media or like bias sources.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean I think that's a constant issue for
Speaker 5: a lot of people.
Speaker 7: I think you have to watch I.
Speaker 5: Think you have to look at anything that's in the
Speaker 5: middle of the road, and you have to look at fact.
Speaker 5: You can't just look at a headline and assume that
Speaker 5: it's true. You have to actually dig in sure.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And it's like reading it on social media. The
Speaker 3: news is not how you should be consuming your news.
Speaker 3: You should find an app, whether it's like like I
Speaker 3: listen to the Daily from the New York Times every morning.
Speaker 3: You find whether you like the Huffington Post, whether you
Speaker 3: like the Daily News, whether you like Ben Shapiro, whatever
Speaker 3: you're into. Obviously you're not into Ben Shapiro, but whatever
Speaker 3: you're into, just find, just get a little like the Skim.
Speaker 3: You know, the Skim has a great little roundup, or
Speaker 3: the week that political magazine has like a roundup of everything.
Speaker 1: Find those things that are going.
Speaker 3: To get delivered to your email that keep you off
Speaker 3: of social media, so that's not one more thing you're
Speaker 3: looking at on social media. And set that timer, you know,
Speaker 3: that Instagram timer or that says you've been on your
Speaker 3: phone for an hour today or forty minutes or whatever
Speaker 3: it is. Just take those little steps in conjunction with
Speaker 3: the steps you're going to take to make the world
Speaker 3: a better place. And so you already have like a
Speaker 3: fifty things to do so far, and Charlie hasn't even
Speaker 3: spoken yet.
Speaker 1: So Charlie, what do you wanted to do?
Speaker 6: Yeah? I mean that funk. I think everybody knows everybody
Speaker 6: in our generation is familiar with that kind of funk
Speaker 6: that you get into.
Speaker 8: But don't let that win.
Speaker 6: Don't let that funk win. Everybody wants.
Speaker 1: Everybody wants women to give up.
Speaker 6: You know, yes, the system wants that funk to win,
Speaker 6: wants women to give up, wants you to just kind
Speaker 6: of not do anything. And number one, doing stuff feels great.
Speaker 6: It's just doing one thing can lift you out of
Speaker 6: that funk. And if you keep doing that instead of pattern,
Speaker 6: you feel good about yourself. You feel like you're looking
Speaker 6: at the world and maybe there are problems, but you're
Speaker 6: actively making a contribution to change that and that's really great.
Speaker 8: And also it.
Speaker 6: Comes with so many other benefits. The people you meet
Speaker 6: when you're I don't know, at a protest or you're
Speaker 6: at a rally or working on a campaign.
Speaker 7: I've made some friends years.
Speaker 6: Ago that I still talk to today through that kind
Speaker 6: of activism, and it's great to kind of be able
Speaker 6: to find community that way. You can talk with people
Speaker 6: about feeling in a slump and get lifted up. But
Speaker 6: just don't let it win, is my advice, because then
Speaker 6: you're letting everybody who has ever wanted you to shut
Speaker 6: up or disagree with you. You're letting them win and
Speaker 6: that shouldn't happen.
Speaker 4: Love that, maybe once a month or once every couple months,
Speaker 4: volunteer somewhere where you can like see the tangible results
Speaker 4: of what you're doing. So maybe that's like helping out
Speaker 4: with folks who are learning English as a second language,
Speaker 4: or like at a homeless shelter or something like that
Speaker 4: where you really see the direct results of.
Speaker 2: The time that you're spending.
Speaker 4: Just to sort of like mix that in to because
Speaker 4: it can feel a little bit like you're shouting into
Speaker 4: the void when you're just like sending out texts or
Speaker 4: you know, canvassing or whatever else. So that might be
Speaker 4: helpful just nourishing to your soul.
Speaker 7: Gotcha.
Speaker 9: Yeah, there's a lot of I'm in Utah, so there's
Speaker 9: a lot of lgbtqya plus like charities and like homes
Speaker 9: for kids and stuff. So I have been looking into
Speaker 9: volunteering at some of those places.
Speaker 4: Amazing.
Speaker 3: That kind of stuff makes you just happy, you know,
Speaker 3: when you do that stuff, it feels like you're because
Speaker 3: it's so purposeful, especially when you can have interaction one
Speaker 3: on one with other people. All you have to do,
Speaker 3: all you have to do is give one kid, you
Speaker 3: know what I mean, give one kid your love and
Speaker 3: your praise and make them believe in themselves. And like
Speaker 3: then you're gonna be off to the races. You're gonna
Speaker 3: feel so good about having that kind of impact.
Speaker 9: Yeah, I'm excited about it.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, get going, Evelyn. Do everything we said.
Speaker 9: Okay, everything, Yes, awesome, thank you, bye bye.
Speaker 1: Okay, we'll take a break and we'll be right back.
Speaker 4: So our last question comes from Angela. She says, my
Speaker 4: roommate is the effing worst. Dear Chelsea, I really need
Speaker 4: your help since I have a situation with my roommate
Speaker 4: and I'm not as confrontational as you are goals. A
Speaker 4: couple of years ago, I was really struggling to find
Speaker 4: a roommate since I was unable to pay for the
Speaker 4: entire apartment by myself at the time. I asked my
Speaker 4: landlord if he knew anyone, and he suggested his granddaughter
Speaker 4: since she was looking for apartments at the time. Too.
Speaker 4: Turns out, she is the worst. She does not clean
Speaker 4: up after herself. She does not broom or vacuum or
Speaker 4: mop or even take out the trash.
Speaker 1: Room is broom of broom.
Speaker 4: The most she will do is take out the trash
Speaker 4: in one of the bathrooms, but leave the trash right
Speaker 4: by the trash can, which I then take to the dumpster.
Speaker 4: Her sisters sleep over and are extremely loud in the
Speaker 4: middle of the night. She also hides the dog in
Speaker 4: her room and ignores that I have called her out
Speaker 4: on it. When I clean the apartment, it takes up
Speaker 4: most of my weekend, since I feel like I have
Speaker 4: to clean for two It has gotten so frustrating that
Speaker 4: I do not have the energy to clean, because what's
Speaker 4: the point She's going to mess it up in a
Speaker 4: few days. I send her text to help clean, and
Speaker 4: she either ignores it or washes her own dishes for
Speaker 4: a few days, and then it's back to how it's
Speaker 4: always been. Here is the real issue. Of course, I've
Speaker 4: thought about moving out, but my landlord is the nicest
Speaker 4: old man and charges me almost nothing thing because of
Speaker 4: how long I've loved in the apartment. Rent is not
Speaker 4: cheap in LA and so I'm stuck here until I
Speaker 4: come buy a house later on. Also, I've come to
Speaker 4: realize that I don't think she's even paying rent because
Speaker 4: her grandpa now has her pay it directly to him,
Speaker 4: quote unquote, I do not want to embarrass him with this,
Speaker 4: with the fact that his granddaughter is a slob. Please
Speaker 4: help me in solving this issue. How do I ask
Speaker 4: her to move out? Angela?
Speaker 2: One of you has a bad roommate passed m M.
Speaker 7: That would be me.
Speaker 1: What was your roommate's situation? I don't remember.
Speaker 5: Wait, Charles, did you too?
Speaker 6: She wasn't the greatest, but not at this degree.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: This is tough because it's like, so it's the landlord's granddaughter.
Speaker 5: Yeah hmmm, I mean that cheap rent. It's worth it
Speaker 5: if you can stick.
Speaker 3: It out, But not if that girl's paying her father
Speaker 3: grandfather directly.
Speaker 1: That sounds fishy.
Speaker 3: I don't like that set up. That sounds like what's
Speaker 3: going on there? The no grandfather is going to take
Speaker 3: money from their granddaughter.
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, right right, it's she's getting a freebee and
Speaker 4: then she's slapping on top of it.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 5: I wonder if you could like find another roommate that's
Speaker 5: like willing to pay more and be like, hey, so
Speaker 5: win win for you. But I don't know, I don't
Speaker 5: really know what you do in that situation because there's
Speaker 5: like a nepotism situation going on.
Speaker 3: I know, and it's like the only way to do
Speaker 3: it is actually to talk to the grandfather, because you're
Speaker 3: not going to be able to reason with a girl
Speaker 3: who's like doing cleaning like that.
Speaker 6: I mean, that could go one of two ways. Either
Speaker 6: they're going to be the grandpa is not going to
Speaker 6: be receptive to that, or which I think is more likely,
Speaker 6: he's going to say, yeah, I totally agree, my granddaughter's
Speaker 6: a mess and I should probably talk to her and
Speaker 6: tell her to get her shit together.
Speaker 3: Yeah he could do that too, and he or he
Speaker 3: could be like, totally go, I totally understand. That's why
Speaker 3: I would talk to him first, Like, I listen, this
Speaker 3: isn't working out. She's really messy and we just don't
Speaker 3: have the same living styles and she has people over
Speaker 3: all the time.
Speaker 1: I'm not getting sleep. I really like to get a
Speaker 1: new roommate, Like.
Speaker 3: I would do that, but I'm like, I'm just thinking
Speaker 3: about how that looks going behind her back if the
Speaker 3: grandfather goes it's all a little bit. I mean, the
Speaker 3: best thing to do would say, tell her directly and
Speaker 3: when she doesn't change her behavior to tell her grandfather
Speaker 3: that you've already spoken to her about it, because if
Speaker 3: you go to him first, he's going to say, did
Speaker 3: you talk to her about it?
Speaker 6: Yeah, well it seems like she has talked to her
Speaker 6: about it, So I think we are at the step
Speaker 6: of going.
Speaker 3: To Charlie's like full, she's ready, she's ready to a victor.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know. And I think also one thing
Speaker 5: that always helps, because you get so frustrated in these situations,
Speaker 5: and I've had bad roommates before, that you become so
Speaker 5: like just angry all the time that you're angry at
Speaker 5: the smallest things. Actually write down the things that are
Speaker 5: annoying you about it so that you can take it
Speaker 5: to the landlord and be like, hey, these are the things,
Speaker 5: these are the things I don't care about, but these
Speaker 5: are the things that I can't live with. And so
Speaker 5: that's always helpful because I get so like pissed off
Speaker 5: that I like am not even coherent.
Speaker 7: So I would try that.
Speaker 5: But yeah, if you've already talked to her, it's time
Speaker 5: to talk to the landlord. And it doesn't have to
Speaker 5: be super confrontational, like if he's a sweet old man,
Speaker 5: you can just be.
Speaker 7: Like, hey, blah blah blah, and probably.
Speaker 5: If he is a sweet old man, be compassionate about.
Speaker 7: It, hopefully.
Speaker 4: And it kind of I kind of get the vibe
Speaker 4: that maybe she can afford the entire apartment by herself now,
Speaker 4: so like maybe that's the move, is just to be like,
Speaker 4: if you.
Speaker 3: Can't afford the apartment by yourself, definitely that is your move.
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that makes it even simpler because you just
Speaker 3: say I'm ready to live alone.
Speaker 1: I've been saving up for this, and I'm ready. This
Speaker 1: is it.
Speaker 3: And since your granddaughter's not paying you rent any right,
Speaker 3: shouldn't make a difference.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.
Speaker 4: We had so we have this friend who lived in
Speaker 4: this group of like five guys in a house, and
Speaker 4: you know how during the pandemic, like rent was sort
Speaker 4: of for a little while, and you know, there was
Speaker 4: a point where they wanted to all have a conversation
Speaker 4: with the landlord to like figure out how much they
Speaker 4: owed and rent. And so all five of them were
Speaker 4: on the call, but only one guy was on the
Speaker 4: lease and they'd all lived there for years. And as
Speaker 4: they like started to figure out like how much they
Speaker 4: owed the guy, they realized that the guy who was
Speaker 4: on the lease had been charging them all splitting the
Speaker 4: rent between the other guys, So that guy wasn't paying
Speaker 4: rent at all for like five years.
Speaker 7: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: So I love what you said about like just find
Speaker 2: somebody who'll pay more.
Speaker 3: I know, Like, first of all, how do people react
Speaker 3: with when they find that out?
Speaker 1: Like what is your defense? You haven't been paying rent?
Speaker 1: You know you're not paying rent? What is your possible
Speaker 1: defense when you get caught?
Speaker 4: And the thing is like they all worked together and
Speaker 4: they were friends, they were it all blew up and
Speaker 4: all totally blow up. That guy like moved back to
Speaker 4: the Midwest or whatever, but.
Speaker 5: They're probably like you owe me like ten grands.
Speaker 4: Exactly, Like oh, a lot of things have started to
Speaker 4: make sense, like why he's like, you know, a part
Speaker 4: time bar back and like can afford to live in
Speaker 4: La So you know.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, I think ask her to move out.
Speaker 4: And if you can't do that, like find somebody else
Speaker 4: it's willing to pay a little bit more.
Speaker 3: Okay, Well that's the pro that problem has been solved.
Speaker 3: You girls were very impressive today. I knew you would be,
Speaker 3: so I'm not surprised.
Speaker 5: Thank you for having us Charlie.
Speaker 3: How would you rate your experience giving advice on the
Speaker 3: podcast for the first time on a scale of one
Speaker 3: to ten.
Speaker 6: I'll say nine, because who knows. I mean, I'll need
Speaker 6: some room for improvement. I don't want to limit myself.
Speaker 3: Jordan, Jordan, how would you rate your own performance on
Speaker 3: a scale of one to ten?
Speaker 7: I don't know.
Speaker 3: An eighth Okay, I think you guys both deserve an eye.
Speaker 6: But well that I would like to say for the record,
Speaker 6: I was rating my experience, not my own performance.
Speaker 7: I'm not like an asshole.
Speaker 5: That was my experience.
Speaker 4: Oh my god.
Speaker 3: Well this was really fun and we're gonna have to
Speaker 3: do it again because people are probably going to love
Speaker 3: listening to these two. Thank you girls, have a great
Speaker 3: rest of your day and I'll see you soon, you
Speaker 3: very soon.
Speaker 1: I love you. Okay. So upcoming shows that I have
Speaker 1: you guys.
Speaker 3: Auckland, New Zealand, Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Australia, Brisbane and Australia, Sydney, Australia.
Speaker 3: We've added second shows to places that have sold out
Speaker 3: the first and then I'm gonna be in Hawaii on Maui,
Speaker 3: Kahulue and Honolulu I will be there in July. Also
Speaker 3: in July, I'm coming to Niagara Falls on July twenty seventh.
Speaker 3: I'm coming to Hollywood, Florida for my only show in
Speaker 3: Florida on July twenty eighth. I'll be in Auburn, Washington
Speaker 3: on August first, and then Santa Rosa, California for my
Speaker 3: second show August second. August seventeenth is the Santa Barbara Bowl.
Speaker 1: You do not want to miss that.
Speaker 3: And then I will be all over Maine, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston,
Speaker 3: South Carolina. I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to Saint
Speaker 3: Louis and Kansas City, and then I will be in
Speaker 3: Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel.
Speaker 3: My first three dates in Vegas are September first, Labor
Speaker 3: Day weekend, and then November two and November thirtieth. I'm
Speaker 3: coming to Brooklyn, New York, at the Kings Theater on
Speaker 3: November eighth, and I have tickets on sale throughout the
Speaker 3: end of the year in December, so if you're in
Speaker 3: a city like Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego or
Speaker 3: New Orleans or Omaha, check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
Speaker 4: Okay, if you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an
Speaker 4: email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and
Speaker 4: be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is
Speaker 4: edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law
Speaker 4: and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler
Speaker 4: dot com