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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff

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Speaker 1: I never told you production if I hurt radio, and

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Speaker 1: welcome to another edition of Happy Hour.

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Speaker 2: As always, if you choose to drink or whatever you're

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Speaker 2: choosing to do, do so responsibly. Are you doing things responsibly?

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Speaker 3: Samantha, I am so.

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Speaker 4: This is not a sponsor, but I'm drinking something that

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Speaker 4: you hate, Okay, I know what it is, yeah, which

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Speaker 4: is a doctor Pepper, but it's combined with cream soda

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Speaker 4: because I don't care, like I don't have like a

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Speaker 4: deep hatred of it, but it's not my favorite drink.

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Speaker 3: But they have a new all these new versions.

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Speaker 4: And this one is doctor pepper and cuem soda together

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Speaker 4: and I'm like that actually sounds like that one fit

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Speaker 4: really love it.

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Speaker 5: I'm glad.

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Speaker 3: For you, Thank you. What about you?

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Speaker 5: I'm drinking a rose. It's hot today.

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Speaker 2: It's weather whiplash where we are.

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Speaker 4: This is the epitome of Atlanta, of Georgia in the south.

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Speaker 4: How we get freezing, freezing cold and then immediately about

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Speaker 4: three days later, maybe even not like seventy degree.

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Speaker 2: Weather, Yes, And it's incredibly frustrating because it'll be really

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Speaker 2: cool in the morning. Sometimes and you're like bundled up

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Speaker 2: and then it's eighty degrees in the afternoon.

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Speaker 4: It's frustrating.

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Speaker 5: This is when my mom gave me Okay from the

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Speaker 5: Hills of Northern Georgia.

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Speaker 4: Georgia, Okay, I like it.

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Speaker 5: Mm hm.

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Speaker 2: So today, speaking of not a sponsor, we're talking about

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Speaker 2: next Door.

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Speaker 3: Ohoy so much so.

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Speaker 2: Recently Samantha hosted a lovely lunar New Year party. I

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Speaker 2: kind of get together and I brought up that I

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Speaker 2: noticed some things on next Door, and it sparked a

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Speaker 2: whole conversation that I'll get into in a second. I

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Speaker 2: do want to say we want to do an episode

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Speaker 2: on Nextdoor.

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Speaker 5: We meant to.

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Speaker 2: Do it when we were doing all of our tech

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Speaker 2: episodes at the beginning of the year.

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Speaker 5: I think last year, maybe it was the year before,

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Speaker 5: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: It was the beginning of one of those years, but

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Speaker 2: we didn't get around to it because there's a whole

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Speaker 2: history of racism with it.

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Speaker 5: There's a lot to.

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Speaker 2: Talk about with Nextdoor, right and I've seen it play

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Speaker 2: out of the banning of people and the moderating.

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Speaker 5: It's a whole mess we're speaking of.

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Speaker 2: We're also not talking about the politics today, because I've

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Speaker 2: also seen that and I mentioned it briefly in your

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Speaker 2: Happy Hour, your recent happy hour.

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Speaker 4: I mean again, I'm a moderator somehow, which I don't

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Speaker 4: want to be, and I'm getting I've gotten some things,

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Speaker 4: including I think just to put out there, people put

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Speaker 4: like don't stop at these places, and people reported it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, they report. People are ready to report everything, yes,

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Speaker 2: But what I wanted to talk about today is specifically

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Speaker 2: something I've noticed that's new, which is very blatant harassment

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Speaker 2: of women. Yes on next door, so it's I don't

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Speaker 2: go on there very often. I usually go on there

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Speaker 2: when I'm trying to figure out why there's another marching

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Speaker 2: band in the neighborhood.

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Speaker 5: I can't understand.

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Speaker 2: Something like an event or something right. But recently I've

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Speaker 2: gone on and I've seen several posts about women being

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Speaker 2: her ass. The first one was really funny and I

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Speaker 2: actually took a screenshot and I should send it to you, Samantha.

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Speaker 2: But it was an older woman and she said, I

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Speaker 2: don't understand what this website is for. I thought it

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Speaker 2: was for neighborhood things, but instead I'm just getting hit on.

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Speaker 2: I'm seventy years old. Y'all ain't got nothing for me.

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Speaker 3: Mama still got it. She should be proud.

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Speaker 2: I love how she was so much like you could feel.

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Speaker 2: I mean really, so yes, I loved it, and I

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Speaker 2: thought it was really funny. And I was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I didn't really think about that. I didn't know that

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Speaker 2: was a thing. And then it absolutely shouldn't be. Then

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Speaker 2: I saw another post where a woman was like, don't

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Speaker 2: ever put your phone number out here, because now I'm

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Speaker 2: getting harrassed all the time by all these men who

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Speaker 2: got my phone on next door my phone number and

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Speaker 2: are just sending me these horrific images or what have you.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 2: And then I so I was like, oh really, And

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Speaker 2: then I saw another one and it was a woman

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Speaker 2: who basically was like, I don't why is this a thing?

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Speaker 2: I don't understand. This is not why I'm here for.

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Speaker 2: What I'm here for, I'm getting all of these dms

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Speaker 2: and I'm getting her ass all this stuff and the

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Speaker 2: comment Samantha, all these men came out of the woodwork

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Speaker 2: and they said things were I'm not surprised to anyone,

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Speaker 2: no surprise to anyone, but kind of like really, but

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Speaker 2: it was you can't take a compliment come on, this

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Speaker 2: is a nice thing. Shouldn't You shouldn't have your profile

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Speaker 2: picture up if you don't want to get this kind

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Speaker 2: of attention, and just kind of very angry. What's wrong

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Speaker 2: with you? We're just trying to find someone to be

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Speaker 2: with and you you're shutting us down like.

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Speaker 5: All these men.

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Speaker 2: And then a couple of women would pop up and

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Speaker 2: be like, basically, just ignore them. But it was a mess,

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Speaker 2: and it was a real tapestry of I can't tell.

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Speaker 2: I'm assuming you really believe these things, and you felt

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Speaker 2: so strongly about it you had to comment on this

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Speaker 2: post and essentially tell this woman she should not complain

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Speaker 2: and be very happy about this harassment she's receiving and

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Speaker 2: or it's not even harassment.

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Speaker 5: It was a long.

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Speaker 2: Comment thread. I will say from the profile pictures of

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Speaker 2: the men, they were mostly older men, which is a problem.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And then one moment was like this makes me

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Speaker 2: really uncomfortable because I know you all are in my neighborhood.

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Speaker 4: Yes, oh collapse, well done, well done, well done. That

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Speaker 4: should be the comment. If I've been into you and

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Speaker 4: you are this person, understand I think of you now

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Speaker 4: as a pervert with no idea of consent anything, decency right. Also,

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Speaker 4: this is called next door to ask about do you

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Speaker 4: know a good plumber right? Or do you know why

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Speaker 4: the water is out right exactly?

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Speaker 5: Have you seen this dog? Those kinds of things. So

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Speaker 5: it was just something I had I didn't really know.

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Speaker 2: Like I said, I wasn't surprised, but I was kind

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Speaker 2: of surprised because it's next door. But then when I

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Speaker 2: was at your get together, Samantha, I was talking to

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Speaker 2: me with one of your friends, Dominique, and she showed

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Speaker 2: me the same thing happened on her next door and

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Speaker 2: it was just scrolling, scrolling scrolling of basically men yelling

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Speaker 2: at this woman for being like, hey, this is not

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Speaker 2: what this site is for.

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Speaker 5: Please leave me alone. I will go to a dating

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Speaker 5: site if I want this it.

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Speaker 4: Well, and that one too, there was women coming at

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Speaker 4: her too because he was a young woman. And apparently

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Speaker 4: the profile picture I think at one point had her

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Speaker 4: in a bathing suit and that was apparently enough of

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Speaker 4: a invite for everyone to d M And I feel

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Speaker 4: like this is a weird, Like even in our own

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Speaker 4: group of people that I see as close friends and

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Speaker 4: group people, people were kind of justified. Well, you know,

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Speaker 4: she should have kind of known better, but she still

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Speaker 4: didn't deserve that type of conversation, which I was so

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Speaker 4: caught up in, like trying to make sure everybody was comfortable,

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Speaker 4: and then like I think I had a one side,

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Speaker 4: like one conversation with just a friend of mine, and

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Speaker 4: I was hearing these comments, but like also I think

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Speaker 4: I did. It was like wait what, and they're like, no, no,

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Speaker 4: she still didn't deserve it would be like the aftermath.

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Speaker 4: But even in our group of I think I was

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Speaker 4: the oldest in the group, So we're all millennials and

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Speaker 4: a few not really agenziers, but you know, young millennials

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Speaker 4: will say that that's like and we are all very

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Speaker 4: leftist individuals. We are all pretty like minded, I would say,

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Speaker 4: like even like the conversation turned into like how everything's

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Speaker 4: going to help and what we needed to do to

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Speaker 4: help this conversation, but like the fact that there was

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Speaker 4: enough like still a few of them, but I mean, yeah,

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Speaker 4: but no, like was really.

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Speaker 3: Kind of.

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Speaker 4: Shocking and it shouldn't have been because that there's an

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Speaker 4: and I say this for myself as well, there's a

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Speaker 4: small part of us that still cannot let go of

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Speaker 4: the modesty idea and like, like again, how the Bible

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Speaker 4: has put on us, how Christianity has put on women.

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Speaker 4: If you look like this, you are a sinner for

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Speaker 4: making men lust? Like that is that conversation, and it's

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Speaker 4: that that right There's like I have a feeling she

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Speaker 4: probably just linked it to because I know a lot

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Speaker 4: of them, like do you want to do this through Google?

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Speaker 4: Do you want to do this through Facebook or whatever?

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Speaker 3: And whatever?

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Speaker 4: She felt cute in her bathing suit, Yeah, awesome, and

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Speaker 4: she thought it was a cute picture. Okay, And yet

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Speaker 4: that was while you did this to yourself?

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Speaker 5: Right?

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Speaker 3: What point?

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Speaker 4: I mean, I'm thoroughly confused as to like who came

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Speaker 4: on to? Next door was like, this is it. I'm

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Speaker 4: gonna find somebody. This is my this is my dating time,

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Speaker 4: and next door whom I can't tell anything about, whether

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Speaker 4: they're married, whether or not they're not married, whether they

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Speaker 4: actually live here or they don't, or if they are

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Speaker 4: a robot or ai.

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Speaker 3: I'm ahead on.

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Speaker 5: Them, right and then yell at them if they get

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Speaker 5: mad and don't like it.

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Speaker 4: And then say are you are you too good for me?

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Speaker 3: Yes?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, because obviously I didn't have to get onto a side.

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Speaker 4: That's for a neighborhood watch program essentially to a get

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Speaker 4: a match. I'm not that lonely dude.

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Speaker 2: I remember the one the woman who is kind of like,

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Speaker 2: don't give out your phone number? She said, uh, essentially

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Speaker 2: like she she was asking for something very basic like yeah,

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Speaker 2: where can I go to get a storage box? And

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Speaker 2: then like all of these things the DM she gets are, Hey,

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Speaker 2: you live near me, We should meet up, we could

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Speaker 2: hang out, right, Like that makes me so that why

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Speaker 2: would I trust like anything anyone says on their They.

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Speaker 4: On the others tar like, I can't. I want to

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Speaker 4: know the age range of this of these men who

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Speaker 4: are hitting because I next door is people who've just

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Speaker 4: moved into neighborhoods trying to find jobs and find connections

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Speaker 4: or trying to figure out their neighborhood or older people

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Speaker 4: like that's that's their social media. So I'm trying to

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Speaker 4: figure out the range of people. And next Door We've

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Speaker 4: talked about this previously, has a huge, huge conversation in

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Speaker 4: the idea, like very very racist comments in they're about

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Speaker 4: you know, this neighborhood used to be this, but this

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Speaker 4: family moved in. Type of real negativity. So again with that,

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Speaker 4: like who are these people.

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Speaker 5: I don't know?

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Speaker 4: And the.

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Speaker 2: Thing is all of our online discourse has unfortunately been

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Speaker 2: tainted by this. But I'm still kind of struggling with

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Speaker 2: the idea of this is Oh her profile picture, she

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Speaker 2: looks pretty, let me let me hit on her, like

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Speaker 2: in every space, like every space.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't think it's even being a struggle is horrifying,

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Speaker 4: Like in the story, like what the hell are you doing?

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Speaker 3: Bro?

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Speaker 4: Like, there are free sites you can get onto that

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Speaker 4: are explicitly asking for you to DM them, and you

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Speaker 4: still probably won't get rejected. Just you know, you're definitely

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Speaker 4: gonna get rejected here, but you're probably you know, you

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Speaker 4: have better chances, right, And like I think, And I

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Speaker 4: had added to that story that I had seen some things,

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Speaker 4: but the ones that I have seen are women coming

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Speaker 4: about like, hey, this dude sent this to me, and

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Speaker 4: then other women be like, oh my god, I got

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Speaker 4: the exact same message from that person and they all

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Speaker 4: like calling out this one dude. So that was really

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Speaker 4: funny to me.

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Speaker 2: I saw that too. I saw somebody made a spreadsheet.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if it got taken down or not,

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Speaker 2: but I was like, whoa.

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Speaker 4: Oh, I was a mod writer rat wouldn't and be like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: let's actually I'll pin this. Let's pin this just in

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Speaker 4: case no other women know at the very beginning, just

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Speaker 4: ignore this, block him, block him immediately.

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Speaker 2: It's I mean, I don't know if it's gone up

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Speaker 2: a lot recently or I've just somehow noticed it a

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Speaker 2: lot recently, but I have seen multiple instances of this,

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Speaker 2: and it's the amount of comments under them.

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Speaker 5: It's insane.

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Speaker 2: And you know, this is we see this in the

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Speaker 2: real world, right Like I recently was outside and a

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Speaker 2: guy kind of he stood in front of me and

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Speaker 2: was like, don't get mad, but you have a nice

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Speaker 2: smile and you should smile. And I was like, wow,

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Speaker 2: you're already yelling at me.

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Speaker 5: Okay. He's like, it's not a weird thing. I just

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Speaker 5: wanted you to know. Okay.

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Speaker 3: You know, I feel like there's so many things where.

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Speaker 4: And maybe maybe maybe I'm not a dude whatever whatnot.

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Speaker 4: When I compliment people, and I genuinely compliment and I

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Speaker 4: have they smile and say thank you and move on,

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Speaker 4: there's a difference for just being you have a nice smile,

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Speaker 4: move on, instead of being you have a nice smile.

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Speaker 4: You need to smile more. That's a different take, bro,

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Speaker 4: that's a different and it's condescending. Like both of those

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Speaker 4: things are the fact. And like, just I have been

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Speaker 4: complimented by men. If you just walk away and don't

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Speaker 4: sit there the whole time and doing it, they're fine.

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Speaker 4: You don't expect anything from it, it's fine. If you're

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Speaker 4: getting giving a compliment expecting something, that's when there's a problem.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think that's the biggest point.

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Speaker 4: Like I think this whole like made up narrative, like

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Speaker 4: I'm just afraid to talk to women. I'm just afraid

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Speaker 4: to be giving them any compliments. I'm like, yeah, are

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Speaker 4: you doing it lingering and hoping to get something and

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Speaker 4: as a reciprocation, Like, that's a problem. That's when you

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Speaker 4: should not be doing it. Right?

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Speaker 5: Are you making them feel unsafe?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 5: Are your compliments actually like really not appropriate?

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Speaker 3: So many things?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And then that's what I feel that I'm seeing

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Speaker 2: unfold in these nextdoor comments is it's.

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Speaker 5: It's like the men, angry men not to men.

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Speaker 2: Oh God, angry men are coming together and they're saying

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Speaker 2: these things that we've heard is kind of very basic.

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Speaker 5: Oh, you can't handle you can't take a compliment. I

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Speaker 5: think I was.

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Speaker 2: I was a little surprised at how many people were like,

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Speaker 2: you don't know how hard it is out there for

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Speaker 2: us to find someone like, oh.

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Speaker 3: Well with these tactics. No, yeah, we do. We know

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Speaker 3: you're doing this to yourself.

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Speaker 5: I could tell you.

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Speaker 4: You are telling you this, and the way you're handling

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Speaker 4: it is the example.

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Speaker 5: Right right exactly.

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Speaker 2: I mean there's a much larger conversation that we kind

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Speaker 2: of touched on when Joey came on and talked about

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Speaker 2: modern dating and we talked about it in our update

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Speaker 2: on online dating about how our like, our system is

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Speaker 2: just not really helping anybody because it's sort of men

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Speaker 2: are getting mad and women are getting like, I don't

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Speaker 2: want to hang out with you if you're so mad,

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Speaker 2: and it's just like getting worse and worse.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so that divide is getting worse. Yeah, the expectations

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Speaker 4: are getting worse. Maybe, I mean, maybe it is the

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Speaker 4: breakdown of the beginning of in cell community, and I

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Speaker 4: think we're using that term too quickly and too lightly,

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Speaker 4: and it has now become a normalized word, which is

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Speaker 4: really not good. As well as the fact that the

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Speaker 4: whole like pick up culture really messed up. What has

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Speaker 4: happened and it's become normalized once again.

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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, I mean we talked about that in the

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Speaker 2: Manisphere episode too, and it's now it's spread to next Door.

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Speaker 2: I'm sure it was already there. I just hadn't seen

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Speaker 2: so many instances of it.

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Speaker 3: No, that's so quickly grown.

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Speaker 4: I think I'm with you, like I haven't really like

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Speaker 4: the fact that when you mentioned it and then Dominate

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Speaker 4: jumped down and then I jumped on, was like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: we've all seen this and we're all in very different neighborhoods.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, very different. Yeah, like we're in different counties.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not good. We'll have to do a whole

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Speaker 2: episode on it. But I would love if listeners if

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Speaker 2: he wrote in if you've seen this grow on, if

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Speaker 2: you're on next Door or you know, anywhere, just let

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Speaker 2: us know if you've seen an uptick in these types

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Speaker 2: of things. You can email us at Hello at Stuffwenever

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Speaker 2: told You dot com. You can find us at Luce

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Speaker 2: Sky at mom Stuff podcast, or on Instagram and TikTok

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Speaker 2: stuff I've Never told you. We're also on YouTube. We

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Speaker 2: have a tea public store, and we have a book.

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Speaker 2: You can find wherever you get your books. Thanks It's

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Speaker 2: always to a super producer, caute your executive brows and

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Speaker 2: Chipper Joey.

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Speaker 3: Thank you and thanks to you for listening.

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Speaker 2: Steffan Never Told You is prodecttion of iHeart Radio. For

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Speaker 2: more podcasts on my heart Radio, you can check out

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