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Speaker 1: Hey there, everybody, and welcome to I Do Part two,

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Speaker 1: the podcast if you got love right the first time around,

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Speaker 1: this is not the podcast for you. I am one

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Speaker 1: of your hosts, TJ. Holmes, alongside my dear lovely Amy Robach.

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Speaker 1: And this will be the last time you hear my

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Speaker 1: voice in this podcast because I'm sitting here with.

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Speaker 2: Two very excuse me, one, two, three, four, five very

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Speaker 2: strong willed women. So signing off TJ.

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Speaker 3: Holmes. Oh that's so funny.

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Speaker 4: Yes, No, we have our favorite people, Yes, our I

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Speaker 4: Do Part two family right now. So we have Kelly, Jen,

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Speaker 4: Susan and Kathy and y'all. We're all here together in

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Speaker 4: Los Angeles and it's like a reunion here. We're having

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Speaker 4: a blast, but we have some very deep questions. Are

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Speaker 4: you guys in a mood or in a.

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Speaker 5: Yeah to get deep with the deeper the battle, ya,

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Speaker 5: Can you set the scene for everybody now, you all,

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Speaker 5: we are sitting in a small hotel room in Brentwood, California.

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Speaker 2: We are sitting around.

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Speaker 1: There is an empty vodka Red Bull that Kathy's no drinking.

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Speaker 1: That was a mimosa or in Susan's head.

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Speaker 2: Exactly.

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Speaker 6: Amy Robo sitting on t J Holmes lap, big, big,

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Speaker 6: huge engagement ringggy so gorgeous.

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Speaker 3: It is yellow yellow sapphire. I mean, can I just.

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Speaker 2: Say it's you? I have a sapphire ring on that

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Speaker 2: is chips. Let me just say, but I.

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Speaker 7: Don't feel bad gorgeous, I said, party, it's mimosa yellow.

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Speaker 3: All right. So look, we have actually talked about this

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Speaker 3: a lot.

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Speaker 4: We were best friends for years and years and years

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Speaker 4: before anything became romantic. Should you value being best friends

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Speaker 4: or should you value chemistry in a relationship?

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Speaker 2: Well, it's best friends.

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Speaker 8: Susan and I are about to get in.

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Speaker 2: You're like, that's what I think. You're both really important.

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Speaker 2: I think you can.

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Speaker 8: I think you don't have to be best friends first,

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Speaker 8: but I think it's great if you are. And I

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Speaker 8: think if you can develop into best friends, even better.

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Speaker 2: But I think chemistry, chemistry can make chemistry. You cannot

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Speaker 2: deny it.

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Speaker 9: I mean, I think when you're younger, it's really important

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Speaker 9: to be best friends because you're going to be cultivating

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Speaker 9: this life. But like, I'm fifty seven years old. I

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Speaker 9: want chemistry. I want fire, I want passion, I want fun.

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Speaker 2: I use me, excuse me. Yeah, I'm just saying, I'm

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Speaker 2: just giving you don't.

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Speaker 6: I will tell you, guys, I did not have chemistry

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Speaker 6: with my husband at all. There was no passion for me.

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Speaker 6: I think for him there was. I'm just being honest.

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Speaker 6: Like we're married now twenty six years. He was so

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Speaker 6: persistent and I you know.

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Speaker 3: I always said, like, the only thing I care about,

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Speaker 3: I don't care.

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Speaker 6: I don't give it. She doesn't have to be gorgeous,

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Speaker 6: he doesn't have to be rich, she doesn't have to

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Speaker 6: be I just want him tall because I always feel

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Speaker 6: like a big girl.

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Speaker 8: I'm sorry, wait a minute, give up money and passion

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Speaker 8: for height.

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Speaker 3: Well I did.

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Speaker 5: If you well, if you think that, I'm sorry, I'm

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Speaker 5: going to tell you, I'm going to tell you.

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Speaker 6: So so right, So what I actually I actually didn't

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Speaker 6: care about hype.

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Speaker 3: My husband is five six. I did well. I thought

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Speaker 3: I wanted tall too.

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Speaker 6: But I'm saying I was from the first second I

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Speaker 6: saw him, I was like, not so much.

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Speaker 3: And we became best friends and and I mean he

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Speaker 3: didn't feel like I did.

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Speaker 8: I used.

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Speaker 6: I said to him once, there's just no spark here.

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Speaker 6: There's just nothing. No, I wasn't married because I think

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Speaker 6: he grew I mean, I honestly, I loved him so

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Speaker 6: much and at one point he was like, I can't

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Speaker 6: do this anymore, and I'm like, whoa wait a second,

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Speaker 6: I love you.

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Speaker 3: Where are you going?

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Speaker 7: So sweet?

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Speaker 3: Necessarily princes he does, but it's not I just love him.

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Speaker 6: I just respected my love. I mean we're on our

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Speaker 6: part too as well. We were separated for like a

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Speaker 6: year and a half. But yeah, I just it didn't

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Speaker 6: start for me with chemistry.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but is it necessary to chemistry friendship?

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: She's wrapped around.

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Speaker 6: You know what.

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Speaker 4: I think we didn't recognize it or acknowledge it because

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Speaker 4: we were not in a position to even consider the

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Speaker 4: other as a romantic partner. But there was always a spark,

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Speaker 4: and I will say there were always rumors that something

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Speaker 4: was going on the us when they were like absolutely not,

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Speaker 4: we're just friends. I will say he was the person

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Speaker 4: wherever like groups would gather a journalist, I would seek

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Speaker 4: him out and we'd see each other across the room

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Speaker 4: and would where are you? And we would always end

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Speaker 4: up together hanging out, laughing, having a blast.

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Speaker 8: So for me, when you ask if if there's chemistry,

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Speaker 8: I met my husband when I was eighteen years old,

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Speaker 8: my now deceased husband and I looked across the room.

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Speaker 8: We locked eyes, and I looked at my sweet mate

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Speaker 8: standing next to me and I said, you see that

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Speaker 8: guy over there.

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Speaker 2: She said yeah.

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Speaker 8: I said, I'm going to marry him, and I did

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Speaker 8: eighteen months later. There was just we locked eyes and

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Speaker 8: I just felt it. I know that sounds crazy, but

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Speaker 8: we were married almost forty six years.

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Speaker 2: There was just something about it.

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Speaker 8: But we weren't best friends, and I'll be honest, we

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Speaker 8: were never best friends.

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Speaker 6: Oh wow, would you tell your kids that it was

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Speaker 6: so important in the chemistry now that you've lived and learned,

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Speaker 6: would you say you have to have it off the.

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Speaker 2: Bat for me my kids.

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Speaker 8: So, my son got divorced after a three year marriage

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Speaker 8: and now he's married to the woman of his dreams,

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Speaker 8: and I think when he met her, the chemistry is immediate.

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Speaker 8: My daughter, when she met her husband, she was like,

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Speaker 8: I'm not interested in all in this guy, and by

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Speaker 8: the end of the afternoon they were locked in.

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Speaker 2: So I don't know. I think for everyone it's different.

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Speaker 8: I think ideally I would love to have my best

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Speaker 8: friend have it grow from best friend to I think

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Speaker 8: that would be my dream. But at this point, I'll

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Speaker 8: take a guy who's above ground, just about ground.

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Speaker 2: That's the baseline.

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Speaker 9: So I, you know, my only husband. I was very

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Speaker 9: young when I met him. I was nineteen, and it

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Speaker 9: was like he was like a Neanderthal. He like pulled

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Speaker 9: me by my hair and he was like, she's going

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Speaker 9: to be mine. And I happened to look like his

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Speaker 9: second wife. So we had that in comments. But he

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Speaker 9: was very much like that. It was kind of like

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Speaker 9: the persistent I mean, you know, I mean, did I

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Speaker 9: ever think I would marry like a shorter, curly haired

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Speaker 9: frenchman like I'm from Rockford, Illinois.

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Speaker 2: Like no, I was thinking athlete.

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Speaker 9: I was thinking like, you know some maybe one from

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Speaker 9: treat Trick something like that.

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Speaker 2: You know, it goes kind of by.

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Speaker 3: The drummer Robin Xander, Hello, I'm Lexander.

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Speaker 2: Bunny, Carlos, you know any of those guys. So there's

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Speaker 2: a laundry list.

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Speaker 9: But yeah, I was not thinking that like a French

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Speaker 9: guy that was with curly hair, who was like literally

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Speaker 9: like you mine.

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Speaker 3: Now, I was like that French.

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Speaker 8: For me.

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Speaker 10: Now it's different than I don't care if a man

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Speaker 10: is overweight or not tall enough. I do prefer tall man.

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Speaker 10: But it's different now because I'm not looking to build

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Speaker 10: a family. I'm not looking for my first house in

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Speaker 10: the white picket fence. I'm looking for my friend, the

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Speaker 10: guy that I'm going to get old with. And that

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Speaker 10: still makes me laugh. Yeah, and sex is.

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Speaker 8: Important, okay, But Susan, if there's I'm going to take issue.

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Speaker 2: I think at our ready we're going to take issue. There.

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Speaker 8: Wait, Susan, No matter what, you still have to build

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Speaker 8: a life for the guy, you know.

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Speaker 2: And so whether it's long distance, I.

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Speaker 8: Got sorry, I got thirty years left in name, I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 8: I just think it's I think that we overplace sometimes

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Speaker 8: the idea that you know, our children are both of

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Speaker 8: our children are grown and they're gone and they have

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Speaker 8: their own families. But still, when you're looking for that partner,

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Speaker 8: you want someone where you have the same values, where yes,

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Speaker 8: you want to that's the.

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Speaker 6: Not even I don't know about the same exact values.

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Speaker 6: But I really like my husband. I forget about the

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Speaker 6: fact that I love him like I really like him.

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Speaker 4: I think you just nailed it for me like that

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Speaker 4: has been like like and respect for two things that

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Speaker 4: I wasn't really considering when I was younger, and I

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Speaker 4: realized that is what ended.

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Speaker 3: Up biting me in the ass, because if.

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Speaker 4: You don't like the person you're with, and if you

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Speaker 4: don't respect how they operate in the world, you are

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Speaker 4: doomed and you can try whatever and it doesn't work.

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Speaker 4: And so this has been amazing to actually have a

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Speaker 4: friend who you like, who you respect, and obviously have

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Speaker 4: a spark.

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Speaker 3: Yes, but the purpose.

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Speaker 9: I feel like you said about liking respect, and I

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Speaker 9: think what happens with a lot of people in relationships

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Speaker 9: is they have these expectations of what this person could

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Speaker 9: be is going to be just.

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Speaker 3: You can make them become.

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Speaker 9: I know they can be this. I know they're going

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Speaker 9: to be like that. I'm not who people think I am.

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Speaker 9: I am exactly who I am. I don't make any

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Speaker 9: I'm not gonna sit here and apologize for who I

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Speaker 9: am or what I do, or how I make money

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Speaker 9: or the businesses that I do, or how I raise

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Speaker 9: my kids. Like I've done the best that I can.

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Speaker 9: This is who I am. So you cannot change me.

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Speaker 9: You can embrace me, you can move me in a

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Speaker 9: direction that can help me, but you can't.

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Speaker 2: We just talked about show me who you are. Don't

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Speaker 2: tell me who you are.

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Speaker 8: You will show me who you are by our interactions.

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Speaker 8: You can tell me you're a man of integrity, you're

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Speaker 8: a you're a great parent, You're this, You're that. I'm

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Speaker 8: going to watch You're going to show me who you are,

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Speaker 8: and that's how I'm going.

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Speaker 2: To judge you.

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Speaker 10: So hearing all of us, what are the hopes for us?

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Speaker 3: Wait, you guys, can I just say something?

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Speaker 6: I just thought that was so interesting what you guys

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Speaker 6: just said, because my part one, because we did separate

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Speaker 6: for a year and a half and ended up getting

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Speaker 6: back together, but I think during part one I wanted

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Speaker 6: him to change and I wanted him so. My husband

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Speaker 6: is an introvert. It's kind of cerebral. And we would

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Speaker 6: go out with other couples and I would and I

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Speaker 6: just wouldn't. He just wouldn't engage, and it would make

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Speaker 6: me furious. And now after all of these years, I

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Speaker 6: couldn't give twos.

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Speaker 3: It just gives me more room to talk like that's

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Speaker 3: how you shine. Or even if he doesn't, even if

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Speaker 3: he doesn't like, I just don't care. I like him

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Speaker 3: so much, you know.

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Speaker 9: So the interesting thing is that like For me, the

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Speaker 9: role is reversed because I'm I am just like watching.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I have a twin brother. I was raised

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Speaker 2: with a male all my life, so I understand how how.

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Speaker 9: They move, they walk, they talk, everything, and I embrace

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Speaker 9: all of that, so I don't have this like.

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Speaker 2: What's the guy going to do?

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Speaker 9: How is he going to react? Because I have a

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Speaker 9: twin brother. Yeah, I have the opposite problem. Guys are

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Speaker 9: always like, well are you like this?

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Speaker 2: So you're going to be like that?

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Speaker 9: And I'm the one that they're putting all the expectations on.

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Speaker 9: I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like all I want to

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Speaker 9: do is just be in a healthy, happy, loving environment

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Speaker 9: where I can shine and do well, that's all.

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Speaker 7: You know.

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Speaker 2: Where are you? Where are you in your dating because

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Speaker 2: the last time we talked to you someone, there was

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Speaker 2: something going on. I don't want to there was. Is

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Speaker 2: that something still going on? It is?

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Speaker 4: Look at it in the same city as you.

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Speaker 2: He's like, yeah, guy, all right, he's the guy. Guy Okay, is.

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Speaker 9: So great and he has his own life, beautiful kids,

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Speaker 9: great ex wife. Like everyone, he's in a little a

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Speaker 9: little bit, a bit further away.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, A couple of states. But he's not that far.

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Speaker 2: It's like a couple of hours away. And you know,

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Speaker 2: we see each other a lot, and he's a really.

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Speaker 9: He's very protective of me without being to push me.

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Speaker 9: Like he's not like Kelly, be better, He's just like,

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Speaker 9: how are you? You're great today? Everything's going to be

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Speaker 9: great for you?

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Speaker 3: Like I've never had that. I've had like part two

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Speaker 3: baby that comes with part two.

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Speaker 2: I just realized one here who does not have a

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Speaker 2: part too?

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Speaker 7: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: What do you mean?

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Speaker 2: I said?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 4: Do you think that that a relationship and even a

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Speaker 4: marriage can survive if you just love each other enough?

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Speaker 4: Does it need more than love? Because people, that's always

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Speaker 4: a big question, is just loving someone enough? Do you

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Speaker 4: answer the tough times?

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Speaker 8: You answered it? You need respect. I think that you

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Speaker 8: have to respect. The person has to have integrity. Love

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Speaker 8: is not enough.

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Speaker 3: It love goes away.

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Speaker 4: It's a feeling that can come and go. And if

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Speaker 4: you don't I don't think if you don't have the

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Speaker 4: foundation of like and respect.

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Speaker 3: You stop looking at me. Why why is there a

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Speaker 3: look going on between the two of you?

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Speaker 9: So Amy, So I I was honest and I have

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Speaker 9: never been in love before.

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Speaker 2: Again I had.

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Speaker 9: I've loved people, but I've never been in love. I've

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Speaker 9: never been like, oh my god, like I'm actually like

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Speaker 9: in love with someone.

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Speaker 2: Well, how do you know that? And what is the measure?

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Speaker 2: Is it different for I don't know.

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Speaker 9: What the actual what it is. I don't know what

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Speaker 9: the box is to check off. It's just like, Okay,

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Speaker 9: now you're in love. Like I don't know what button

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Speaker 9: to push. I don't know what that is. I just

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Speaker 9: know the feeling of like how I can care for someone,

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Speaker 9: nurture them, you know, be there for them.

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Speaker 2: But I'm I don't.

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Speaker 9: I've never had that feeling that is like I that

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Speaker 9: person gives me butterfly or.

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Speaker 3: Probably every time.

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Speaker 10: But I've questioned that myself.

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Speaker 3: Have I really ever?

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Speaker 2: I'm a nurturing person.

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Speaker 9: I'm a very I'm so much I'm Kelly, but I'm

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Speaker 9: a very nurturing person. So I think people misconstrue my

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Speaker 9: nurturing for love. But it's not like I may be

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Speaker 9: loving towards you, but I'm not in love with you.

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Speaker 6: I tell my daughter all the time, and I'm sure

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Speaker 6: you guys know. People say this like the Spark, except

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Speaker 6: for Amy and TJ. The spark fades, right, and I

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Speaker 6: always say you gotta also use your head, and I

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Speaker 6: maybe yeah, but also maybe kel like you're not calling

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Speaker 6: it in love, but I'm sure you've had that feeling

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Speaker 6: or your heart races. You can't be waiting for them

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Speaker 6: to call or you're together, and no.

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Speaker 3: Not really.

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Speaker 2: So I've never heard for I was like, they're great,

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Speaker 2: They're so nice.

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Speaker 9: But I've also you know, I've been doing so many

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Speaker 9: jobs and providing for so long. But I feel like,

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Speaker 9: in some ways, I'm like that businessman that's like, all

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Speaker 9: of a sudden, he's like made the money and has

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Speaker 9: all I know.

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Speaker 2: He's like, Okay, now I want my life.

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Speaker 9: Like I've like, I've just been working like an animal

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Speaker 9: for so long, so I've never been in the time.

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Speaker 2: I've never like looked reflected back.

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Speaker 9: And been like that person gave me those feelings because

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Speaker 9: I wasn't even available for them.

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Speaker 2: I was totally emotionally under It's.

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Speaker 4: So interesting you say that because I would say, until now, yes,

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Speaker 4: I have been married to my job. My job and

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Speaker 4: my career was my passion, and so it allowed me

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Speaker 4: to be in relationships and stay in them because my

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Speaker 4: passions and my love was being met at work.

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Speaker 3: Is that if that makes any sense.

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Speaker 4: And this is the first time I feel like a teenager,

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Speaker 4: and it's like, this is what people have felt like,

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Speaker 4: Oh my god, when it happened, you recognize that it's

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Speaker 4: never happened before. And so that has been an interesting

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Speaker 4: experience for me, just to go through emotions that sometimes

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Speaker 4: I think a lot of people luckily have in their

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Speaker 4: teens or their early twenties.

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Speaker 3: Now I know this is all new.

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Speaker 6: Remember my daughter saying to me she would meet someone

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Speaker 6: and just she would go, Mom, I met my husband tonight. Now,

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Speaker 6: for some of us, obviously that worked out for Rachel

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Speaker 6: in that case, you've met about seventeen husbands.

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Speaker 2: But let me just say I have said, yeah, I'm

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Speaker 2: also now I may only single one here, the only

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Speaker 2: widow here.

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Speaker 8: And I will say that the biggest lesson I have learned,

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Speaker 8: and I'm admitting this right here publicly, I tried to

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Speaker 8: change my husband.

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Speaker 2: My husband was also an introvert.

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Speaker 8: He was also very subrebral, and I want it because

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Speaker 8: I have never met a stranger.

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Speaker 2: It was hard when we would go to comsole parties.

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Speaker 2: I had to carry all the load.

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Speaker 8: But now if he were back now I realized what

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Speaker 8: a gift it was.

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Speaker 2: What a gift it was.

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Speaker 10: So even said to me recently that that's something that

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Speaker 10: you would change if you find love.

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Speaker 2: And that's exactly so I have learned.

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Speaker 8: I learned it the hardest way possible, that if I

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Speaker 8: get my second chance at love, that's.

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Speaker 2: Going to get such improved me the best When when when? When?

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Speaker 8: So you know, you learn things, and you learn it

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Speaker 8: by divorce, you learn it by any kind of loss.

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Speaker 8: When they say every relationship you learn a lesson, you.

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Speaker 10: Do sometimes some people don't learn though.

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Speaker 2: I keep repeating the same things.

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Speaker 10: I mean, I fall fast and hard and it's fun

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Speaker 10: and it's exciting, and six to nine months later you

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Speaker 10: start looking at the real picture.

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Speaker 6: Going I do. But you, guys, even if this is

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Speaker 6: not you're not in a relationship right now, like it's

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Speaker 6: still your part two. Like I don't feel like you

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Speaker 6: had a part one. Like you're living your part two,

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Speaker 6: whether or not you.

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Speaker 3: Are in love. Look at the experience, however, you both

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Speaker 3: like me, I.

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Speaker 6: Feel like you got to reinvent yourself at an age

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Speaker 6: in your life, like not a lot of people do.

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Speaker 3: And you're hosting these podcasts and you're.

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Speaker 2: Still and grateful for that, truly grateful for that. Yeah.

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Speaker 9: Also too, to your point, like and when you're like

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Speaker 9: when you are a single mother and you're providing, it's

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Speaker 9: like you're not in your feelings. Even though I was

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Speaker 9: on Housewives and everyone was asking about talking to me

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Speaker 9: about their feelings, I'm like, what are you talking about?

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Speaker 3: I know.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm sorry, I have time.

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Speaker 3: For feelings, like you're feelings.

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Speaker 2: You're feelings. Oh, I have a hope. I'm like, you're speaking.

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Speaker 2: I have a carpool in ten minutes, I know. I

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Speaker 2: was like, I'm gonna miss the basketball. Yeah, like what

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Speaker 2: you're talking about?

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Speaker 3: I want to ask you all because we're gonna wrap

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Speaker 3: this up.

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Speaker 4: But I think this is something that a lot of

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00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,280
Speaker 4: people try to decide the level of importance. How important

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Speaker 4: is chemistry in the bedroom? How important is that in

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Speaker 4: a relationship?

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Speaker 10: So important sometimes and people at our age can't perform,

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Speaker 10: So you find the other way. No, trust me, some

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Speaker 10: men and you find other ways as long as they're

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Speaker 10: open to what.

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Speaker 2: Is so hang with that.

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Speaker 3: It is twoenty twenty five.

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Speaker 2: Kathy, Yeah, Kathy, there's other ways.

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Speaker 8: Say something, Kathy, I don't mean something here's what I

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Speaker 8: have to say. Sex is important at any age. But

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Speaker 8: here's what I'm saying. Somebody can be great in bed,

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Speaker 8: fabolus in bed. I've suck with great guys in bed.

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Speaker 8: Am I with them? No, that to me is not

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Speaker 8: the be all and end all, the respect, the kindness,

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Speaker 8: a good person that is going to far out live.

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Speaker 3: Do you hear her questions? My question was how important

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Speaker 3: is chemistry?

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Speaker 6: And I also think it's how important it used to be.

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Speaker 6: I'm not as sexual as I used to be. I'm

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Speaker 6: really not.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I'm yeah, but I don't. It's not as important.

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Speaker 3: I mean back in the day it was.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, And I hope for all of you that you

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Speaker 6: you look at me like I'm crazy.

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Speaker 3: I know the same. I know, I just I don't

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Speaker 3: have the same It's very important to me. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 3: very important. It's very important. I mean it was, it was.

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Speaker 8: But here's the thing is. Now, here's the thing, guys,

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Speaker 8: here's the thing. We're all group of women here and

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Speaker 8: one fabulous man. It acause your relationship is not sex dependent.

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Speaker 8: I think that's the important fact here that if you

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Speaker 8: and your husband have a great relationship, it doesn't matter

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00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:06,880
Speaker 8: for you and your husband. That's not the most driving

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00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:10,600
Speaker 8: force in your relationship, where some other people sex. If

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Speaker 8: you're not having great sex, you're out. I think it's

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Speaker 8: it depends on the relations and I used we.

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Speaker 6: Still enjoy it, but it's not like we're not depending

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Speaker 6: it's not keeping.

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Speaker 8: You're not depending on it for the success of your relationship.

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Speaker 3: Hey, it is always fun. We need to do this

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Speaker 3: more often. Catch off with.

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Speaker 4: All of you wonderful ladies, and we're excited to have

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Speaker 4: some fun at jingle Ball to do what we're about

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00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:36,399
Speaker 4: to go do. So, by the way, everyone who's listening,

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Speaker 4: if you need some advice on when it comes to

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Speaker 4: your chapter two you're Part two, you can.

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Speaker 3: Call us or email us.

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Speaker 4: All the info is in the show notes, so follow

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Speaker 4: us on socials and make sure to rate and review

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Speaker 4: the podcast. I Do Part two an iHeartRadio podcast where

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Speaker 4: falling in love is the main objective.

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Speaker 7: The three