Speaker 1: First of all, how are you.
Speaker 2: I'm good, it's good to see you.
Speaker 1: You too, So you're a dating coach in addition to
Speaker 1: a matchmaker, and what happens is a lot of I've
Speaker 1: spoken to a few of you, and the dating advice
Speaker 1: is excellent. Like I've actually even spoken to my therapist
Speaker 1: about some of the dating advice. And you know, for
Speaker 1: my therapists to like what other people say that aren't
Speaker 1: therapist is not that common. You know, often they'll be like,
Speaker 1: be careful who you're listening to, but they really she
Speaker 1: really does like agree with a lot, Like she agrees
Speaker 1: with the whole catastrophizing on both sides. That men are
Speaker 1: doing it too, And something we talked about today, people
Speaker 1: want to get into a relationship really quickly, like once
Speaker 1: they start to feel the anxiety and the fear of
Speaker 1: the unknown. So you're dating and you're having fun, you
Speaker 1: don't really like anyone, which is often easier than liking
Speaker 1: someone because once you start to like someone, but you're
Speaker 1: not fully safe, you're not fully committed. You're in the
Speaker 1: weird area. You don't know if you're dating other people,
Speaker 1: you don't know what's going on. You're in this no
Speaker 1: man's land. I feel like that's when people get a
Speaker 1: little shaky and rocky and can make mistakes, myself included.
Speaker 1: And she says people rush to get into the relationship
Speaker 1: so they can feel safe, versus actually slowing it down
Speaker 1: and seeing how someone conducts themselves, meaning it could be textually,
Speaker 1: it could be sexually, it could be with their kids,
Speaker 1: with their schedule, Like it makes sense, like you lead
Speaker 1: with the emotion. It's kind of to you what you've
Speaker 1: said before about compatibility. You leave with the we leave
Speaker 1: with the emotions. We're so excited. We can't believe we
Speaker 1: found this. We can't believe we like this person. We
Speaker 1: can't believe we're connecting like this, and like you just
Speaker 1: want to be like we are so into each other
Speaker 1: that we know that, and you want to like take
Speaker 1: care of all the other stuff later. But she's saying
Speaker 1: in life that like people have to figure out how
Speaker 1: the other person, like watch and see and see how
Speaker 1: someone is in the wild, like who they actually.
Speaker 2: Are, right, And I completely agree.
Speaker 3: I think that everyone is in a hurry once you
Speaker 3: decide that you do want to meet your person to
Speaker 3: be a wee And there is something to be said
Speaker 3: about realizing, oh, I was packed and selected. But like
Speaker 3: we've talked about before, you have to be your own
Speaker 3: agent and advocacy. If you're realizing, no, I'm doing the pecking,
Speaker 3: it's not just because I was chosen. And then when
Speaker 3: you do meet someone that you feel like it's mutual,
Speaker 3: then it's more about Okay, slow down, enjoy through the season.
Speaker 3: It's like there is no rush it. It's like the
Speaker 3: song you can't hurry love. It's it's you have to
Speaker 3: be content and confident with yourself and have in your
Speaker 3: own relationship with yourself that you know you're worth, you
Speaker 3: know what you bring to the table, and you don't
Speaker 3: have to get all the answers right away. It's like
Speaker 3: people want to go in and start drilling and interrogating,
Speaker 3: but you're not gonna have all the answers. Like you said,
Speaker 3: it has to be in the wild to make sure
Speaker 3: that like it's day to day, it's you're not going
Speaker 3: to know the answer.
Speaker 2: And I think what your therapist is saying is like
Speaker 2: spot on.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you just said something about being chosen. Now
Speaker 1: this is interesting, So say, girl, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: make a blanket statement. I am going to make a
Speaker 1: blanket statement. It may not be true, but I'm going
Speaker 1: to attempt to make a blanket statement to say, in
Speaker 1: my opinion, based on society and in relationships, girls tend
Speaker 1: to be more insecure than men. From what I've seen.
Speaker 1: It's not across the board. I disagree. Okay, it's a myth.
Speaker 1: It's what people think.
Speaker 3: Okay, great, we think that we're more insecure and emotional,
Speaker 3: but it's an equal opportunity okay for everyone.
Speaker 2: That's amazing.
Speaker 1: So if we let's slow that down on all women
Speaker 1: that are listening, just like an expert is saying, and
Speaker 1: my therapist said today that men are equally as insecure
Speaker 1: as we are because we are in our heads. But
Speaker 1: it's like the way that like women in society cry
Speaker 1: more in a more forthright manner than men.
Speaker 2: They're crying inside.
Speaker 1: They may be insecure, and that's why they're banging other
Speaker 1: girls or growing out or doing shots. Like we think
Speaker 1: that means they're so secure and we're just so that's
Speaker 1: I think we all just have to like receive that
Speaker 1: we as insecure.
Speaker 2: Yes, it is.
Speaker 3: Insecure about if we like them, about their body naked,
Speaker 3: about all up, breathing.
Speaker 2: There's just a sasagure do they measure up? Are they
Speaker 2: good enough? How are we feeling?
Speaker 1: We don't think that. We don't none of us think that.
Speaker 1: So that's why that really has to be absorbed.
Speaker 3: That's why it's really important to know that they are
Speaker 3: their own stuff that they're unpappying and dealing with, and
Speaker 3: their own wounds, their own triggers from the past that
Speaker 3: they're making sure is this person going to make me
Speaker 3: feel like a hero not a zero? And things that
Speaker 3: happen to them that traumatize them.
Speaker 1: That is like if we just hang up now, like
Speaker 1: that's the best thing ever. The like they are all right,
Speaker 1: So they're as insecure as we are, but we are insecure.
Speaker 2: Everybody is, I guess.
Speaker 1: So they chose me is an interesting thing because we
Speaker 1: in our minds will try to market who we're dating
Speaker 1: to somebody else. Oh, he's so nice to his parents,
Speaker 1: he's successful, he's Catholic, he's Jewish, he's rich, he's smart,
Speaker 1: he's got the perfect kids, or whatever, we perfect job,
Speaker 1: and you're right, we get chosen and we we sort
Speaker 1: of feel not worthy, and so we just feel that
Speaker 1: if somebody that is in this great package wants us
Speaker 1: we're looking at the package, but not as how we
Speaker 1: align how we operate, because the new car smell is
Speaker 1: going to go away. And then if we're not compatible
Speaker 1: on our vacations, on our parenting, on our religion. Like
Speaker 1: so that is a big thing that they chose me.
Speaker 3: Thing. The other thing is that it could be that
Speaker 3: it's whatever else wants for you, but now what you
Speaker 3: want for you, or it's the dream of the hope,
Speaker 3: what you hoped this person is. And so sometimes we
Speaker 3: write our own stories. It's almost like sometimes we're comunitative
Speaker 3: to ourselves, right or you're negative talking and nothing happen,
Speaker 3: but you catastropize in your mind you're making up stories.
Speaker 2: But it could also work again.
Speaker 3: See like hope, it's a powerful emotion when you want
Speaker 3: to accomplish something like I hope to get my master's,
Speaker 3: I hope to run the marathon.
Speaker 2: But when you are putting a man.
Speaker 3: On a pedestal and fantasize that you're hoping that he's
Speaker 3: going to be this person he's not and then lying
Speaker 3: to yourself about reality, that's an unhealthy relationship dynamic. So
Speaker 3: the biggest thing is it has to be rooted in reality.
Speaker 3: I always say, be rooted in reality, don't be in
Speaker 3: fantasyland about this man that's coming into your world and
Speaker 3: all the things that he's going to rescue you.
Speaker 2: I truly believe.
Speaker 3: You have to love yourself first and have a good
Speaker 3: relationship with yourself. That way, you feel more confident in
Speaker 3: the relationship with someone else. And if they don't see
Speaker 3: you're worth than it's his loss that he didn't is
Speaker 3: with you. But I think a lot of people fantasize
Speaker 3: what they want, and then because everything's so good in
Speaker 3: the beginning, they just.
Speaker 2: Start sweeping all the issues under the robin.
Speaker 3: Stuff being like utter an interval writing a relationship, and
Speaker 3: everyone already met him and he's already in my life,
Speaker 3: so then your fe time goes on right.
Speaker 1: And I think that you know how when you you
Speaker 1: have like ant in your back and it goes away
Speaker 1: after massage and then it comes back on the same spot.
Speaker 1: I feel like we get excited and we quickly to
Speaker 1: see our own patterns and triggers and habits from previous
Speaker 1: you know, like like scar tissue, And for me it means, okay,
Speaker 1: this is a gift, this is an opportunity for me
Speaker 1: to talk to my therapist about like the same issues
Speaker 1: because I'm coming in. This is a car that's coming in.
Speaker 1: I described myself to somebody as a rescue dog compared
Speaker 1: to a breeder dog. I am like, this person doesn't
Speaker 1: have to deal with that. But I'm just trying to
Speaker 1: explain it's good for someone for you to look at
Speaker 1: someone in the wild and see what they're coming in
Speaker 1: with and then vice versa. Because I was like, I
Speaker 1: I've been to it's like a dog who's been to
Speaker 1: multiple shelters and who's been abused. Like that's how I'm
Speaker 1: coming in. So I'm coming in different than someone was
Speaker 1: like from one home, parents married fifty years, Like it's
Speaker 1: going to be different.
Speaker 2: But it's all how you present yourself.
Speaker 3: Because I want to be careful that people like viewing
Speaker 3: or listening to this don't think that they should just
Speaker 3: be on a date like I'm because I feel like
Speaker 3: everyone's perfections and blemishes make them like beautiful. So it's
Speaker 3: not about being perfect, Like you don't have to come
Speaker 3: from you know, perfect family and everything.
Speaker 2: That myth is totally shattered. But make sure you're.
Speaker 3: Leading your securities not just dumping noway not in the
Speaker 3: beginning but but if once you're in something.
Speaker 2: When you're sharing, yes, yeah, you share if you're if
Speaker 2: you have well, no you could have.
Speaker 1: I described myself as a squirrel because I'm like, am
Speaker 1: a therapist. I thought that was a stute today because
Speaker 1: she knows me, and I mean, like, you're gonna be
Speaker 1: dating me and you're gonna think like, I'm so sweet
Speaker 1: and cute because I'm gonna come over and like eat
Speaker 1: out of your hand, and then all of a sudden
Speaker 1: the next day, I could run up the tree and
Speaker 1: you're gonna be like, wait, why, So I have to
Speaker 1: inform why, because otherwise someone's gonna just.
Speaker 2: Know it's so good.
Speaker 3: It's also good to put in context though, because to
Speaker 3: share that you're emotionally available and sound.
Speaker 2: But everyone has wounds and everyone.
Speaker 3: Has a past, but it's how you deal with it
Speaker 3: and the coping skills with that. And I do think
Speaker 3: exploring your own wounds and triggers is good and also
Speaker 3: learning the person you're dating's triggers, whoever your partner is,
Speaker 3: because then you're more sensitive to it and not stepping
Speaker 3: on it. Because I truly believe in a relationship it's
Speaker 3: all about understanding everyone's wants and needs and then not
Speaker 3: poking at them and making fun of them, Like if
Speaker 3: you're sharing something important, it's how are you honored?
Speaker 2: Supported? Feeling heard and understood.
Speaker 1: Yes, what I'm saying about what I'm saying, you can
Speaker 1: make the other person feel like I like you, I'm here,
Speaker 1: I'm present, letting you know that if you see something,
Speaker 1: it's like walking into a house, like this is the
Speaker 1: house I'm showing you. It's got a great view, it's
Speaker 1: got this, but just letting you know this bathtub.
Speaker 2: Needs a little work one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: One of the things I've been thinking about is the
Speaker 1: way that things land. I think that and again, I
Speaker 1: don't know how men do it, because I'm not a man.
Speaker 1: But there's a fine line between being confident and vulnerable
Speaker 1: and needy. Meaning this has happened to me several times,
Speaker 1: and I this is something I've always been able to land,
Speaker 1: Meaning if something doesn't make me feel good, but it
Speaker 1: might be a style, it might be the way the
Speaker 1: other person's on the phone or text or in person
Speaker 1: or whatever. I'm capable of being vulnerable and explaining that
Speaker 1: something is making me feel insecure while letting the other
Speaker 1: person know that even though I like them, I would
Speaker 1: be willing to walk if I can't. I if this
Speaker 1: is an if this is a need in my life,
Speaker 1: does that make any sense? Like if someone's going to
Speaker 1: make me feel unsafe, I could be in love with them,
Speaker 1: but I'll walk.
Speaker 3: It's so good that you're able to not only identify
Speaker 3: it but also express it. Like that's advanced. That's amazing
Speaker 3: that you can do that. Not everyone has to do that,
Speaker 3: So why I think everyone's explore what they truly or
Speaker 3: need and how they can work on themselves before entering
Speaker 3: your relationship. Then in a relationship, being able to articulate
Speaker 3: that and that could be a bonding experience.
Speaker 1: Let's say there's a girl and the guy always booty calls,
Speaker 1: but maybe he really likes her. Let's say the guy's
Speaker 1: disorganized and never picks a restaurant but like, and he
Speaker 1: calls her last minute, but they're having a great time
Speaker 1: when they're present, but like, she feels like she doesn't
Speaker 1: have the rope or something, you know, Like this happens
Speaker 1: a lot of college girls. Young girl, Yeah, but she's
Speaker 1: trying to get the ball back. My thing is I
Speaker 1: think girls get either like drunk and needy and it
Speaker 1: turns guys off, or they'll play games which could turn
Speaker 1: a guy off, or like just shut down. There's a
Speaker 1: way to do all of the same things at the
Speaker 1: same time. There's a way to be needy and secure
Speaker 1: and like, I need this thing, And as much as
Speaker 1: I think you're amazing, if I don't like, if I
Speaker 1: don't get this thing, I won't be able to participate
Speaker 1: in this absolutely.
Speaker 3: And I also think we all have to remember no
Speaker 3: one is a mind reader, and no one.
Speaker 2: Comes with owner manual.
Speaker 3: So you in your head might have this whole conversation
Speaker 3: and be punitive to yourself or the person you're dating,
Speaker 3: and then be like, that's it.
Speaker 2: I'm kicking off my eyelands.
Speaker 3: He you know, well, wait a minute, you just need
Speaker 3: this whole fight with yourself. He doesn't even know. You
Speaker 3: haven't even express nicated what you need, and now it's
Speaker 3: in the doghouse, and now you're gonna give him attitude
Speaker 3: and you're gonna blow the whole thing up bus being like, Okay,
Speaker 3: every time I'm with him, it's amazing. It's just the
Speaker 3: in between is the lulls, and that's what this breaks
Speaker 3: me out. Makes the feeling secure, so then the next
Speaker 3: time you're together, you build on the strength of the
Speaker 3: connection in person and be like, Hey, just so you know,
Speaker 3: I need a little bit organication. I just feel like
Speaker 3: I'm being you know, second fiddle or whatever it is.
Speaker 2: It's expressing. You have to land.
Speaker 1: It's not easy to land, right, it's not easy to land.
Speaker 1: Even the sentence you just said. It has to be Also,
Speaker 1: you got to be able to like you can you
Speaker 1: can't be bluffing, but you also can't be bluffing.
Speaker 2: You can't bluff, but you also have to.
Speaker 3: You could say it in a warm way like again,
Speaker 3: don't say it where you're punishing someone and they're already
Speaker 3: in trouble.
Speaker 2: And they think you're or Dexactly. It's playful.
Speaker 3: It's all in how you present something, and you have
Speaker 3: to be in a good place in space to say
Speaker 3: it as well. But it's all in the presentation.
Speaker 1: Right. If you're drunk because you're feeling needy, you're gonna
Speaker 1: be a disaster and then go deeper in the hole.
Speaker 3: And then yeah, it feels like you have to Like
Speaker 3: I believe it has been like a love forward connection
Speaker 3: like don't at the end of the day, there's love
Speaker 3: based reactions and fear based lead with love. I know
Speaker 3: it sounds hokey, but you want someone's going to be
Speaker 3: looking at you being like is this person just an
Speaker 3: angry person?
Speaker 2: Or are they you know is it? Are they communicating?
Speaker 3: And good communication skills like when you're telling someone your
Speaker 3: truths and about your anything that's happened to you, that
Speaker 3: could be like a build like a bonding connection, like hey,
Speaker 3: I need this from you, but I like you, but
Speaker 3: just I'm just communicating. They might be like, wow, never,
Speaker 3: no one's ever done that before because people don't learn
Speaker 3: how the communication skills, like in college.
Speaker 2: High school, you don't learn these skills.
Speaker 3: Unfortunately, you have to listen to your podcast to learn
Speaker 3: how to communicate with somebody else.
Speaker 1: I also think wants and needs is a great thing
Speaker 1: in life. So then you can like give someone the
Speaker 1: menu because you can't pick every battle and you can't
Speaker 1: want everything. You can't want the apartment with the good view,
Speaker 1: with the big bath, with the fireplace at school. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like what do you want? Like, there are things
Speaker 1: that I want, but there are things that are like
Speaker 1: full on. And another thing that I think is interesting
Speaker 1: is asking a person like what their thing is I
Speaker 1: did this with an X of mine. I remember like
Speaker 1: me saying I need to feel safe. Some other people
Speaker 1: need a lot of sex, need a lot of like affirmation,
Speaker 1: need a lot of need to be left alone. Whatever
Speaker 1: the thing is like.
Speaker 3: And it's such a fun thing to even talk about
Speaker 3: before you get serious, because they might be more honest
Speaker 3: when they don't feel as vulnerable that there's something to lose.
Speaker 3: Like it's just a fun comment. You could make it
Speaker 3: a fun What is your conversation?
Speaker 2: What is yours?
Speaker 1: Mine? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Mine is safe. Oh, one hundred percent safe. I'm very
Speaker 3: much into like feeling safe. What's your big thing though,
Speaker 3: that's your biggest thing too, I would say a safe
Speaker 3: I mean I always call my husband P and P
Speaker 3: provide a protector. I'm like, I like someone that cares
Speaker 3: about that. I feel like is in my corner. Like
Speaker 3: I love that my husband shows up like he never
Speaker 3: played one game with me, and he's just like my rock,
Speaker 3: Like I know I could always count on him and
Speaker 3: to me, some independable and that is uh not a player.
Speaker 3: That's like no drama with him and he's just like
Speaker 3: straight up like my guy.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, I want to talk about the silent contract. Basically,
Speaker 1: I think that in catastrophizing, in being in our own
Speaker 1: heads that I only know, women have these things in
Speaker 1: their minds that they think that the other person is
Speaker 1: supposed to be doing and the other person didn't sign
Speaker 1: this is a silent contract. They didn't sign this contract.
Speaker 1: Like you could say, oh, well, I stayed over his
Speaker 1: house and we slept together, but he should have made
Speaker 1: me breakfast like he did. He didn't, he didn't know
Speaker 1: he signed that contract, or he didn't call me for
Speaker 1: four hours, or he didn't we didn't make plans with
Speaker 1: me by the next tuesday. Like I think that we
Speaker 1: really do make arbitrary things up and you have girls
Speaker 1: validating you because that's what all the girls do, and
Speaker 1: it can be a risky place because these things don't
Speaker 1: have to all have the same meaning to everyone. Like
Speaker 1: someone could not call you for two days and really
Speaker 1: like you. Maybe they're insecure, maybe they're gonna call you
Speaker 1: the next week like we can't. Maybe they're somebody died,
Speaker 1: like we don't know, and we have these things in
Speaker 1: our minds where we think they signed this contract with
Speaker 1: all these terms, and if they break one of the terms,
Speaker 1: then we're out.
Speaker 2: Nothing is more frustrating to me than women.
Speaker 3: They're well intended giving other women advice, but it's the
Speaker 3: wrong advice and you feel love and support by your
Speaker 3: girlfriends or we're lucky as women to have that.
Speaker 2: Men don't have that out as much as women do.
Speaker 3: It's dangerous, and then it is so dangerous because they're
Speaker 3: gonna get tasturbized. They're gonna make something out of nothing,
Speaker 3: and now you're the manufacturing business of drama, and then
Speaker 3: you're gonna self sabotage your relationship.
Speaker 2: So the best thing to do is to remember the
Speaker 2: silent contract that they didn't sign and make sure that
Speaker 2: it's root.
Speaker 3: In reality and not start on you know, like again
Speaker 3: you're like being flappable and believing everything the last Jordan said,
Speaker 3: And I think there's pressure from other women.
Speaker 2: Like did you put them out on that? Did you
Speaker 2: do that? And it's like, no, that's not the right approach.
Speaker 3: And I always feel like the less you tell other
Speaker 3: girlfriends about a relationship at the beginning, the better, so
Speaker 3: you don't feel like you're on a peach edition. Everyone's
Speaker 3: judging and if they don't call, then you feel bad
Speaker 3: about yourself.
Speaker 2: Or if something's not right, so.
Speaker 1: You made a big deal out of it and then
Speaker 1: ease leave it. You're alone at the Christmas party.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then it's just you feel worse about yourself.
Speaker 3: Like I think just to say, of course you want
Speaker 3: some of that outlet to share things with, but as
Speaker 3: long as in return, maybe you say to your friend,
Speaker 3: I won't want to tell you to tell me what
Speaker 3: to do. I just want you to listen, like I
Speaker 3: think it's just or make sure that you can listen,
Speaker 3: but not take their advice because they might.
Speaker 2: Love you, but there could be ill motives with girlfriends.
Speaker 3: They give me jealous They can be a different pasi
Speaker 3: and have being dated for decades and are giving you
Speaker 3: the wrong advice.
Speaker 2: And then it is extremely dangerous. And again nobody's a
Speaker 2: mind reader.
Speaker 3: This other person doesn't even know what they did wrong
Speaker 3: because you didn't share that after sex, I like, you know,
Speaker 3: to be called that day or the next day, or
Speaker 3: there's so much miscommunication. It's it's same with like you
Speaker 3: go on date with the guy, and then the women's
Speaker 3: expecting the guy to reach out, but the guys like
Speaker 3: I just orchestrate this amazing date. I think it's great
Speaker 3: when a girl sends a text thing like thank you
Speaker 3: something that night like thank you so much, a wonderful night.
Speaker 3: It's such a breath of fresh air to a man.
Speaker 3: But then the next day it's the guys turn to
Speaker 3: then ask somebody out. I feel like you have to
Speaker 3: do something where you're good communicators, not just playing games
Speaker 3: right from the jump start.
Speaker 1: Also, I think to hear someone when they tell you something,
Speaker 1: like if someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Speaker 1: If someone says I'm in board meetings all day or
Speaker 1: I'm at the office and I don't look up and
Speaker 1: they're not calling you, they've told you that about them.
Speaker 1: You know that you're a dog, they're a cat. Like
Speaker 1: you don't need them to be a dog. That's where
Speaker 1: the hope like comes in.
Speaker 3: Where you're you're trying to be in fancy land and
Speaker 3: making you you're trying to construct the perfect person for you,
Speaker 3: but you have to accept them for.
Speaker 2: Like focus on the positives, all the things they do right.
Speaker 3: And then like you said, like someone's working in the
Speaker 3: markets open, they're not going to be on their phone
Speaker 3: because there may be not the type of career where
Speaker 3: they're able to text in real time. And and by
Speaker 3: the way, men notoriously don't like to do that. That's
Speaker 3: not their strong suit. They're better in person than text
Speaker 3: and emails. So if you're looking for someone to be
Speaker 3: as amazing as a text as your best friend, you're
Speaker 3: gonna be sorely disappointed.
Speaker 1: And also it becomes a turnoff. You know, it can
Speaker 1: be too much where you're doing it as like a
Speaker 1: habit because it's just the person you're texting back and forth.
Speaker 1: It's like junk food. You're not really getting satisfied. You know,
Speaker 1: there's no quality in it that I feel like. The
Speaker 1: biggest thing you could do is get out of your.
Speaker 3: Head stayed rooted in reality and literally the contract with
Speaker 3: yourself is so important to monitor yourself anytime you want
Speaker 3: to start having a scenario in your mind and making
Speaker 3: up stories and scenarios that didn't happen to realize, Okay,
Speaker 3: let's unpack it.
Speaker 2: Why do I feel this way?
Speaker 3: Maybe it's hitting a trigger or wounds that you haven't discovered,
Speaker 3: and like Buffany, you're so good to be able to
Speaker 3: articulate it, but maybe someone wasn't even understood that. So
Speaker 3: when they feel that way, and they should silence your
Speaker 3: life and be like, okay, what Why am I feeling this?
Speaker 2: What?
Speaker 3: What is this guy doing that's making me feel this way?
Speaker 3: Is it I was abandoned when I was younger?
Speaker 2: What is it?
Speaker 3: Did my exploit friends treating me like this way that's
Speaker 3: made me feel this way and realize that this new
Speaker 3: person is not in your past. So if you're casting
Speaker 3: this negative energy on you're a new person, that's not
Speaker 3: fair because that's not that person.
Speaker 1: I think that it's a basic thing in life that
Speaker 1: we don't do, is if you're into someone, how about
Speaker 1: accepting them for who they are, like if they have
Speaker 1: intention to modify and always be a better person for themselves.
Speaker 1: Like I've had many people come on my podcast that
Speaker 1: are very successful in business and they're very successful in
Speaker 1: relationship Proteking twenty five, thirty forty, you know, relationships, thirty
Speaker 1: year relationships, and a resounding thing was like they don't
Speaker 1: fix the other person, they fix themselves. So it's like
Speaker 1: if you meet someone and you really have great chemistry,
Speaker 1: it's working out, Like they're not going to be a
Speaker 1: perfect robot. They like accept it because you want to
Speaker 1: be accepted pretty much for who you are to be, Like,
Speaker 1: this is kind of what this thing is I'm working
Speaker 1: on myself and I'm doing my own therapy, but like
Speaker 1: this is kind of what I'm advertising.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I also.
Speaker 3: Think it's I mean, I've been married together for eighteen years,
Speaker 3: but I think it's beautiful when you grow together because
Speaker 3: I'm not the same person I was eighteen years ago,
Speaker 3: but it's fun to evolve and grow together as well.
Speaker 3: So you have to realize that you're not going to
Speaker 3: be the same person in five or ten years, and
Speaker 3: to put that kind of pressure on what you think
Speaker 3: life is going to be like isn't fair either. And
Speaker 3: so I think the biggest thing is, to your point,
Speaker 3: like accepting who they are, not trying to change everything,
Speaker 3: but changing more and working on yourself. And I think
Speaker 3: if you both are working on yourselves and showing each
Speaker 3: other love, that's the magic happens because you have something
Speaker 3: that's super special, and a dime a dozen is just
Speaker 3: pretty or just smart. But if you have everything together
Speaker 3: where you're a unit and you're working on things together
Speaker 3: as well, once you get to that stage, that's like,
Speaker 3: that's goals. That's a beautiful couplehood.