1 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:13,240 Speaker 1: First of all, how are you. 2 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:15,120 Speaker 2: I'm good, it's good to see you. 3 00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:17,880 Speaker 1: You too, So you're a dating coach in addition to 4 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:20,880 Speaker 1: a matchmaker, and what happens is a lot of I've 5 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:24,200 Speaker 1: spoken to a few of you, and the dating advice 6 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:26,439 Speaker 1: is excellent. Like I've actually even spoken to my therapist 7 00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:29,680 Speaker 1: about some of the dating advice. And you know, for 8 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:32,280 Speaker 1: my therapists to like what other people say that aren't 9 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:34,879 Speaker 1: therapist is not that common. You know, often they'll be like, 10 00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:36,600 Speaker 1: be careful who you're listening to, but they really she 11 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:39,480 Speaker 1: really does like agree with a lot, Like she agrees 12 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:43,240 Speaker 1: with the whole catastrophizing on both sides. That men are 13 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:48,520 Speaker 1: doing it too, And something we talked about today, people 14 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:51,880 Speaker 1: want to get into a relationship really quickly, like once 15 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:54,200 Speaker 1: they start to feel the anxiety and the fear of 16 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:56,600 Speaker 1: the unknown. So you're dating and you're having fun, you 17 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:58,920 Speaker 1: don't really like anyone, which is often easier than liking 18 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:02,320 Speaker 1: someone because once you start to like someone, but you're 19 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:04,520 Speaker 1: not fully safe, you're not fully committed. You're in the 20 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:06,479 Speaker 1: weird area. You don't know if you're dating other people, 21 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:08,360 Speaker 1: you don't know what's going on. You're in this no 22 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:11,679 Speaker 1: man's land. I feel like that's when people get a 23 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:16,480 Speaker 1: little shaky and rocky and can make mistakes, myself included. 24 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:22,039 Speaker 1: And she says people rush to get into the relationship 25 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:27,600 Speaker 1: so they can feel safe, versus actually slowing it down 26 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:32,640 Speaker 1: and seeing how someone conducts themselves, meaning it could be textually, 27 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:35,639 Speaker 1: it could be sexually, it could be with their kids, 28 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:39,240 Speaker 1: with their schedule, Like it makes sense, like you lead 29 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:40,800 Speaker 1: with the emotion. It's kind of to you what you've 30 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,160 Speaker 1: said before about compatibility. You leave with the we leave 31 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:45,080 Speaker 1: with the emotions. We're so excited. We can't believe we 32 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:46,640 Speaker 1: found this. We can't believe we like this person. We 33 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,640 Speaker 1: can't believe we're connecting like this, and like you just 34 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:51,400 Speaker 1: want to be like we are so into each other 35 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:53,560 Speaker 1: that we know that, and you want to like take 36 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:56,520 Speaker 1: care of all the other stuff later. But she's saying 37 00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:58,680 Speaker 1: in life that like people have to figure out how 38 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:01,320 Speaker 1: the other person, like watch and see and see how 39 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:04,440 Speaker 1: someone is in the wild, like who they actually. 40 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:06,480 Speaker 2: Are, right, And I completely agree. 41 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,440 Speaker 3: I think that everyone is in a hurry once you 42 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:10,600 Speaker 3: decide that you do want to meet your person to 43 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:13,640 Speaker 3: be a wee And there is something to be said 44 00:02:13,639 --> 00:02:16,680 Speaker 3: about realizing, oh, I was packed and selected. But like 45 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,360 Speaker 3: we've talked about before, you have to be your own 46 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:22,400 Speaker 3: agent and advocacy. If you're realizing, no, I'm doing the pecking, 47 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:25,560 Speaker 3: it's not just because I was chosen. And then when 48 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:27,800 Speaker 3: you do meet someone that you feel like it's mutual, 49 00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:32,000 Speaker 3: then it's more about Okay, slow down, enjoy through the season. 50 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:34,280 Speaker 3: It's like there is no rush it. It's like the 51 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:37,040 Speaker 3: song you can't hurry love. It's it's you have to 52 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:40,160 Speaker 3: be content and confident with yourself and have in your 53 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,760 Speaker 3: own relationship with yourself that you know you're worth, you 54 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:46,040 Speaker 3: know what you bring to the table, and you don't 55 00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,120 Speaker 3: have to get all the answers right away. It's like 56 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:51,359 Speaker 3: people want to go in and start drilling and interrogating, 57 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:53,360 Speaker 3: but you're not gonna have all the answers. Like you said, 58 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,959 Speaker 3: it has to be in the wild to make sure 59 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,560 Speaker 3: that like it's day to day, it's you're not going 60 00:02:57,639 --> 00:02:58,440 Speaker 3: to know the answer. 61 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:01,560 Speaker 2: And I think what your therapist is saying is like 62 00:03:01,919 --> 00:03:02,359 Speaker 2: spot on. 63 00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:05,720 Speaker 1: Okay, so you just said something about being chosen. Now 64 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:07,840 Speaker 1: this is interesting, So say, girl, I'm not going to 65 00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:09,400 Speaker 1: make a blanket statement. I am going to make a 66 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:10,920 Speaker 1: blanket statement. It may not be true, but I'm going 67 00:03:10,919 --> 00:03:12,520 Speaker 1: to attempt to make a blanket statement to say, in 68 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:16,520 Speaker 1: my opinion, based on society and in relationships, girls tend 69 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:18,720 Speaker 1: to be more insecure than men. From what I've seen. 70 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:22,600 Speaker 1: It's not across the board. I disagree. Okay, it's a myth. 71 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:23,720 Speaker 1: It's what people think. 72 00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:27,320 Speaker 3: Okay, great, we think that we're more insecure and emotional, 73 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:30,560 Speaker 3: but it's an equal opportunity okay for everyone. 74 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:31,360 Speaker 2: That's amazing. 75 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:33,720 Speaker 1: So if we let's slow that down on all women 76 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:36,920 Speaker 1: that are listening, just like an expert is saying, and 77 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:41,120 Speaker 1: my therapist said today that men are equally as insecure 78 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:43,480 Speaker 1: as we are because we are in our heads. But 79 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:45,920 Speaker 1: it's like the way that like women in society cry 80 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,520 Speaker 1: more in a more forthright manner than men. 81 00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:49,640 Speaker 2: They're crying inside. 82 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:51,960 Speaker 1: They may be insecure, and that's why they're banging other 83 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:55,240 Speaker 1: girls or growing out or doing shots. Like we think 84 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:57,839 Speaker 1: that means they're so secure and we're just so that's 85 00:03:57,840 --> 00:03:59,720 Speaker 1: I think we all just have to like receive that 86 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:00,920 Speaker 1: we as insecure. 87 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,080 Speaker 2: Yes, it is. 88 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:06,000 Speaker 3: Insecure about if we like them, about their body naked, 89 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:07,400 Speaker 3: about all up, breathing. 90 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,080 Speaker 2: There's just a sasagure do they measure up? Are they 91 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:11,920 Speaker 2: good enough? How are we feeling? 92 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,760 Speaker 1: We don't think that. We don't none of us think that. 93 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,680 Speaker 1: So that's why that really has to be absorbed. 94 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:19,919 Speaker 3: That's why it's really important to know that they are 95 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:23,080 Speaker 3: their own stuff that they're unpappying and dealing with, and 96 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:26,000 Speaker 3: their own wounds, their own triggers from the past that 97 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:28,479 Speaker 3: they're making sure is this person going to make me 98 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:31,200 Speaker 3: feel like a hero not a zero? And things that 99 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:33,039 Speaker 3: happen to them that traumatize them. 100 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:35,560 Speaker 1: That is like if we just hang up now, like 101 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,680 Speaker 1: that's the best thing ever. The like they are all right, 102 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:42,400 Speaker 1: So they're as insecure as we are, but we are insecure. 103 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:43,320 Speaker 2: Everybody is, I guess. 104 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:46,719 Speaker 1: So they chose me is an interesting thing because we 105 00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:49,799 Speaker 1: in our minds will try to market who we're dating 106 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:52,640 Speaker 1: to somebody else. Oh, he's so nice to his parents, 107 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:57,320 Speaker 1: he's successful, he's Catholic, he's Jewish, he's rich, he's smart, 108 00:04:57,440 --> 00:05:00,760 Speaker 1: he's got the perfect kids, or whatever, we perfect job, 109 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:03,960 Speaker 1: and you're right, we get chosen and we we sort 110 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:06,120 Speaker 1: of feel not worthy, and so we just feel that 111 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:09,880 Speaker 1: if somebody that is in this great package wants us 112 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 1: we're looking at the package, but not as how we 113 00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:16,640 Speaker 1: align how we operate, because the new car smell is 114 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:18,960 Speaker 1: going to go away. And then if we're not compatible 115 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:22,040 Speaker 1: on our vacations, on our parenting, on our religion. Like 116 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,760 Speaker 1: so that is a big thing that they chose me. 117 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:27,480 Speaker 3: Thing. The other thing is that it could be that 118 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,880 Speaker 3: it's whatever else wants for you, but now what you 119 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,320 Speaker 3: want for you, or it's the dream of the hope, 120 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:36,080 Speaker 3: what you hoped this person is. And so sometimes we 121 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:40,040 Speaker 3: write our own stories. It's almost like sometimes we're comunitative 122 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:43,600 Speaker 3: to ourselves, right or you're negative talking and nothing happen, 123 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:46,200 Speaker 3: but you catastropize in your mind you're making up stories. 124 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:47,440 Speaker 2: But it could also work again. 125 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:51,120 Speaker 3: See like hope, it's a powerful emotion when you want 126 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:53,839 Speaker 3: to accomplish something like I hope to get my master's, 127 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:55,719 Speaker 3: I hope to run the marathon. 128 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:58,240 Speaker 2: But when you are putting a man. 129 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:01,120 Speaker 3: On a pedestal and fantasize that you're hoping that he's 130 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:04,200 Speaker 3: going to be this person he's not and then lying 131 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:09,680 Speaker 3: to yourself about reality, that's an unhealthy relationship dynamic. So 132 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:12,360 Speaker 3: the biggest thing is it has to be rooted in reality. 133 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:15,440 Speaker 3: I always say, be rooted in reality, don't be in 134 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:18,400 Speaker 3: fantasyland about this man that's coming into your world and 135 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:20,680 Speaker 3: all the things that he's going to rescue you. 136 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:21,960 Speaker 2: I truly believe. 137 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:24,760 Speaker 3: You have to love yourself first and have a good 138 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:28,200 Speaker 3: relationship with yourself. That way, you feel more confident in 139 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:30,599 Speaker 3: the relationship with someone else. And if they don't see 140 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:32,919 Speaker 3: you're worth than it's his loss that he didn't is 141 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,520 Speaker 3: with you. But I think a lot of people fantasize 142 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:38,200 Speaker 3: what they want, and then because everything's so good in 143 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:38,919 Speaker 3: the beginning, they just. 144 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:42,080 Speaker 2: Start sweeping all the issues under the robin. 145 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:44,360 Speaker 3: Stuff being like utter an interval writing a relationship, and 146 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,400 Speaker 3: everyone already met him and he's already in my life, 147 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:48,680 Speaker 3: so then your fe time goes on right. 148 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:51,359 Speaker 1: And I think that you know how when you you 149 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,160 Speaker 1: have like ant in your back and it goes away 150 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:55,520 Speaker 1: after massage and then it comes back on the same spot. 151 00:06:56,080 --> 00:07:00,320 Speaker 1: I feel like we get excited and we quickly to 152 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:03,880 Speaker 1: see our own patterns and triggers and habits from previous 153 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:08,679 Speaker 1: you know, like like scar tissue, And for me it means, okay, 154 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:10,600 Speaker 1: this is a gift, this is an opportunity for me 155 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:13,320 Speaker 1: to talk to my therapist about like the same issues 156 00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:17,080 Speaker 1: because I'm coming in. This is a car that's coming in. 157 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:20,080 Speaker 1: I described myself to somebody as a rescue dog compared 158 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:23,559 Speaker 1: to a breeder dog. I am like, this person doesn't 159 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,800 Speaker 1: have to deal with that. But I'm just trying to 160 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,000 Speaker 1: explain it's good for someone for you to look at 161 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:29,560 Speaker 1: someone in the wild and see what they're coming in 162 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:33,520 Speaker 1: with and then vice versa. Because I was like, I 163 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,040 Speaker 1: I've been to it's like a dog who's been to 164 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,960 Speaker 1: multiple shelters and who's been abused. Like that's how I'm 165 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,920 Speaker 1: coming in. So I'm coming in different than someone was 166 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:42,480 Speaker 1: like from one home, parents married fifty years, Like it's 167 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:43,400 Speaker 1: going to be different. 168 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,440 Speaker 2: But it's all how you present yourself. 169 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:48,280 Speaker 3: Because I want to be careful that people like viewing 170 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 3: or listening to this don't think that they should just 171 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:53,720 Speaker 3: be on a date like I'm because I feel like 172 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:57,560 Speaker 3: everyone's perfections and blemishes make them like beautiful. So it's 173 00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:59,720 Speaker 3: not about being perfect, Like you don't have to come 174 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:02,080 Speaker 3: from you know, perfect family and everything. 175 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:04,760 Speaker 2: That myth is totally shattered. But make sure you're. 176 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:09,040 Speaker 3: Leading your securities not just dumping noway not in the 177 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:12,320 Speaker 3: beginning but but if once you're in something. 178 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:15,880 Speaker 2: When you're sharing, yes, yeah, you share if you're if 179 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:17,400 Speaker 2: you have well, no you could have. 180 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,600 Speaker 1: I described myself as a squirrel because I'm like, am 181 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,760 Speaker 1: a therapist. I thought that was a stute today because 182 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,440 Speaker 1: she knows me, and I mean, like, you're gonna be 183 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:28,520 Speaker 1: dating me and you're gonna think like, I'm so sweet 184 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:30,440 Speaker 1: and cute because I'm gonna come over and like eat 185 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:31,760 Speaker 1: out of your hand, and then all of a sudden 186 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:33,240 Speaker 1: the next day, I could run up the tree and 187 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:35,120 Speaker 1: you're gonna be like, wait, why, So I have to 188 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:37,160 Speaker 1: inform why, because otherwise someone's gonna just. 189 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:38,040 Speaker 2: Know it's so good. 190 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:41,200 Speaker 3: It's also good to put in context though, because to 191 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:44,600 Speaker 3: share that you're emotionally available and sound. 192 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:46,920 Speaker 2: But everyone has wounds and everyone. 193 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:49,080 Speaker 3: Has a past, but it's how you deal with it 194 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:52,040 Speaker 3: and the coping skills with that. And I do think 195 00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:56,440 Speaker 3: exploring your own wounds and triggers is good and also 196 00:08:56,520 --> 00:09:00,160 Speaker 3: learning the person you're dating's triggers, whoever your partner is, 197 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:02,880 Speaker 3: because then you're more sensitive to it and not stepping 198 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,400 Speaker 3: on it. Because I truly believe in a relationship it's 199 00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:09,120 Speaker 3: all about understanding everyone's wants and needs and then not 200 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:11,800 Speaker 3: poking at them and making fun of them, Like if 201 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:14,559 Speaker 3: you're sharing something important, it's how are you honored? 202 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:17,400 Speaker 2: Supported? Feeling heard and understood. 203 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:21,120 Speaker 1: Yes, what I'm saying about what I'm saying, you can 204 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:24,440 Speaker 1: make the other person feel like I like you, I'm here, 205 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:27,520 Speaker 1: I'm present, letting you know that if you see something, 206 00:09:27,559 --> 00:09:29,640 Speaker 1: it's like walking into a house, like this is the 207 00:09:29,679 --> 00:09:31,920 Speaker 1: house I'm showing you. It's got a great view, it's 208 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:34,240 Speaker 1: got this, but just letting you know this bathtub. 209 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:35,680 Speaker 2: Needs a little work one hundred percent. 210 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:49,600 Speaker 1: One of the things I've been thinking about is the 211 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:52,680 Speaker 1: way that things land. I think that and again, I 212 00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:54,320 Speaker 1: don't know how men do it, because I'm not a man. 213 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:59,959 Speaker 1: But there's a fine line between being confident and vulnerable 214 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:03,320 Speaker 1: and needy. Meaning this has happened to me several times, 215 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,720 Speaker 1: and I this is something I've always been able to land, 216 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:08,920 Speaker 1: Meaning if something doesn't make me feel good, but it 217 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,440 Speaker 1: might be a style, it might be the way the 218 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:13,200 Speaker 1: other person's on the phone or text or in person 219 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:18,840 Speaker 1: or whatever. I'm capable of being vulnerable and explaining that 220 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:22,160 Speaker 1: something is making me feel insecure while letting the other 221 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:25,520 Speaker 1: person know that even though I like them, I would 222 00:10:25,559 --> 00:10:28,320 Speaker 1: be willing to walk if I can't. I if this 223 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:31,320 Speaker 1: is an if this is a need in my life, 224 00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:32,959 Speaker 1: does that make any sense? Like if someone's going to 225 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,280 Speaker 1: make me feel unsafe, I could be in love with them, 226 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:35,880 Speaker 1: but I'll walk. 227 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:39,199 Speaker 3: It's so good that you're able to not only identify 228 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:42,920 Speaker 3: it but also express it. Like that's advanced. That's amazing 229 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,680 Speaker 3: that you can do that. Not everyone has to do that, 230 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:48,199 Speaker 3: So why I think everyone's explore what they truly or 231 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,800 Speaker 3: need and how they can work on themselves before entering 232 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,840 Speaker 3: your relationship. Then in a relationship, being able to articulate 233 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:57,640 Speaker 3: that and that could be a bonding experience. 234 00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,880 Speaker 1: Let's say there's a girl and the guy always booty calls, 235 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,679 Speaker 1: but maybe he really likes her. Let's say the guy's 236 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:05,160 Speaker 1: disorganized and never picks a restaurant but like, and he 237 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:07,120 Speaker 1: calls her last minute, but they're having a great time 238 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:09,280 Speaker 1: when they're present, but like, she feels like she doesn't 239 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:11,439 Speaker 1: have the rope or something, you know, Like this happens 240 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:13,880 Speaker 1: a lot of college girls. Young girl, Yeah, but she's 241 00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:15,760 Speaker 1: trying to get the ball back. My thing is I 242 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:18,000 Speaker 1: think girls get either like drunk and needy and it 243 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:22,520 Speaker 1: turns guys off, or they'll play games which could turn 244 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:25,240 Speaker 1: a guy off, or like just shut down. There's a 245 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:26,959 Speaker 1: way to do all of the same things at the 246 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:29,760 Speaker 1: same time. There's a way to be needy and secure 247 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:34,360 Speaker 1: and like, I need this thing, And as much as 248 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 1: I think you're amazing, if I don't like, if I 249 00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:39,000 Speaker 1: don't get this thing, I won't be able to participate 250 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,200 Speaker 1: in this absolutely. 251 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,679 Speaker 3: And I also think we all have to remember no 252 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,679 Speaker 3: one is a mind reader, and no one. 253 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:45,680 Speaker 2: Comes with owner manual. 254 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,679 Speaker 3: So you in your head might have this whole conversation 255 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:51,880 Speaker 3: and be punitive to yourself or the person you're dating, 256 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:53,080 Speaker 3: and then be like, that's it. 257 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:54,400 Speaker 2: I'm kicking off my eyelands. 258 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:57,160 Speaker 3: He you know, well, wait a minute, you just need 259 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,400 Speaker 3: this whole fight with yourself. He doesn't even know. You 260 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:02,800 Speaker 3: haven't even express nicated what you need, and now it's 261 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,600 Speaker 3: in the doghouse, and now you're gonna give him attitude 262 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:07,240 Speaker 3: and you're gonna blow the whole thing up bus being like, Okay, 263 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:09,760 Speaker 3: every time I'm with him, it's amazing. It's just the 264 00:12:10,679 --> 00:12:12,839 Speaker 3: in between is the lulls, and that's what this breaks 265 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:14,440 Speaker 3: me out. Makes the feeling secure, so then the next 266 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:17,440 Speaker 3: time you're together, you build on the strength of the 267 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:19,840 Speaker 3: connection in person and be like, Hey, just so you know, 268 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,480 Speaker 3: I need a little bit organication. I just feel like 269 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,880 Speaker 3: I'm being you know, second fiddle or whatever it is. 270 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:27,240 Speaker 2: It's expressing. You have to land. 271 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:31,200 Speaker 1: It's not easy to land, right, it's not easy to land. 272 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:34,560 Speaker 1: Even the sentence you just said. It has to be Also, 273 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,920 Speaker 1: you got to be able to like you can you 274 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:40,400 Speaker 1: can't be bluffing, but you also can't be bluffing. 275 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:42,280 Speaker 2: You can't bluff, but you also have to. 276 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:44,120 Speaker 3: You could say it in a warm way like again, 277 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:46,840 Speaker 3: don't say it where you're punishing someone and they're already 278 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:47,720 Speaker 3: in trouble. 279 00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:51,200 Speaker 2: And they think you're or Dexactly. It's playful. 280 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,520 Speaker 3: It's all in how you present something, and you have 281 00:12:53,559 --> 00:12:55,960 Speaker 3: to be in a good place in space to say 282 00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:58,160 Speaker 3: it as well. But it's all in the presentation. 283 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:02,360 Speaker 1: Right. If you're drunk because you're feeling needy, you're gonna 284 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,080 Speaker 1: be a disaster and then go deeper in the hole. 285 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:06,840 Speaker 3: And then yeah, it feels like you have to Like 286 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:10,199 Speaker 3: I believe it has been like a love forward connection 287 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:12,480 Speaker 3: like don't at the end of the day, there's love 288 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:15,720 Speaker 3: based reactions and fear based lead with love. I know 289 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,440 Speaker 3: it sounds hokey, but you want someone's going to be 290 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:20,719 Speaker 3: looking at you being like is this person just an 291 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:21,920 Speaker 3: angry person? 292 00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:24,760 Speaker 2: Or are they you know is it? Are they communicating? 293 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:27,520 Speaker 3: And good communication skills like when you're telling someone your 294 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:30,600 Speaker 3: truths and about your anything that's happened to you, that 295 00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:33,320 Speaker 3: could be like a build like a bonding connection, like hey, 296 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:36,319 Speaker 3: I need this from you, but I like you, but 297 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:38,560 Speaker 3: just I'm just communicating. They might be like, wow, never, 298 00:13:38,679 --> 00:13:41,080 Speaker 3: no one's ever done that before because people don't learn 299 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:44,120 Speaker 3: how the communication skills, like in college. 300 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:45,800 Speaker 2: High school, you don't learn these skills. 301 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:47,920 Speaker 3: Unfortunately, you have to listen to your podcast to learn 302 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,480 Speaker 3: how to communicate with somebody else. 303 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,280 Speaker 1: I also think wants and needs is a great thing 304 00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,280 Speaker 1: in life. So then you can like give someone the 305 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:56,160 Speaker 1: menu because you can't pick every battle and you can't 306 00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:58,320 Speaker 1: want everything. You can't want the apartment with the good view, 307 00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:01,959 Speaker 1: with the big bath, with the fireplace at school. Yeah, 308 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,160 Speaker 1: it's like what do you want? Like, there are things 309 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:06,040 Speaker 1: that I want, but there are things that are like 310 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:09,400 Speaker 1: full on. And another thing that I think is interesting 311 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:12,040 Speaker 1: is asking a person like what their thing is I 312 00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:14,640 Speaker 1: did this with an X of mine. I remember like 313 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:18,720 Speaker 1: me saying I need to feel safe. Some other people 314 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:23,000 Speaker 1: need a lot of sex, need a lot of like affirmation, 315 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,200 Speaker 1: need a lot of need to be left alone. Whatever 316 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:25,800 Speaker 1: the thing is like. 317 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,480 Speaker 3: And it's such a fun thing to even talk about 318 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,680 Speaker 3: before you get serious, because they might be more honest 319 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:33,760 Speaker 3: when they don't feel as vulnerable that there's something to lose. 320 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:35,400 Speaker 3: Like it's just a fun comment. You could make it 321 00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:36,840 Speaker 3: a fun What is your conversation? 322 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:38,000 Speaker 2: What is yours? 323 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:38,480 Speaker 1: Mine? Yeah? 324 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:42,320 Speaker 3: Mine is safe. Oh, one hundred percent safe. I'm very 325 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:45,440 Speaker 3: much into like feeling safe. What's your big thing though, 326 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,800 Speaker 3: that's your biggest thing too, I would say a safe 327 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,120 Speaker 3: I mean I always call my husband P and P 328 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:54,000 Speaker 3: provide a protector. I'm like, I like someone that cares 329 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:57,160 Speaker 3: about that. I feel like is in my corner. Like 330 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,680 Speaker 3: I love that my husband shows up like he never 331 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:04,440 Speaker 3: played one game with me, and he's just like my rock, 332 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,120 Speaker 3: Like I know I could always count on him and 333 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:11,160 Speaker 3: to me, some independable and that is uh not a player. 334 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,160 Speaker 3: That's like no drama with him and he's just like 335 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:14,840 Speaker 3: straight up like my guy. 336 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:31,320 Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, I want to talk about the silent contract. Basically, 337 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:37,120 Speaker 1: I think that in catastrophizing, in being in our own 338 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:41,920 Speaker 1: heads that I only know, women have these things in 339 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,000 Speaker 1: their minds that they think that the other person is 340 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,480 Speaker 1: supposed to be doing and the other person didn't sign 341 00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:50,200 Speaker 1: this is a silent contract. They didn't sign this contract. 342 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:54,000 Speaker 1: Like you could say, oh, well, I stayed over his 343 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:57,240 Speaker 1: house and we slept together, but he should have made 344 00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:58,800 Speaker 1: me breakfast like he did. He didn't, he didn't know 345 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:01,160 Speaker 1: he signed that contract, or he didn't call me for 346 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,240 Speaker 1: four hours, or he didn't we didn't make plans with 347 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:05,160 Speaker 1: me by the next tuesday. Like I think that we 348 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:08,200 Speaker 1: really do make arbitrary things up and you have girls 349 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,360 Speaker 1: validating you because that's what all the girls do, and 350 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:15,400 Speaker 1: it can be a risky place because these things don't 351 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,240 Speaker 1: have to all have the same meaning to everyone. Like 352 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:21,480 Speaker 1: someone could not call you for two days and really 353 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:24,040 Speaker 1: like you. Maybe they're insecure, maybe they're gonna call you 354 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:27,160 Speaker 1: the next week like we can't. Maybe they're somebody died, 355 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,040 Speaker 1: like we don't know, and we have these things in 356 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,000 Speaker 1: our minds where we think they signed this contract with 357 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,560 Speaker 1: all these terms, and if they break one of the terms, 358 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:34,800 Speaker 1: then we're out. 359 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:38,080 Speaker 2: Nothing is more frustrating to me than women. 360 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:41,240 Speaker 3: They're well intended giving other women advice, but it's the 361 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:45,520 Speaker 3: wrong advice and you feel love and support by your 362 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,640 Speaker 3: girlfriends or we're lucky as women to have that. 363 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:50,240 Speaker 2: Men don't have that out as much as women do. 364 00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:54,920 Speaker 3: It's dangerous, and then it is so dangerous because they're 365 00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:58,560 Speaker 3: gonna get tasturbized. They're gonna make something out of nothing, 366 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:02,480 Speaker 3: and now you're the manufacturing business of drama, and then 367 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:05,240 Speaker 3: you're gonna self sabotage your relationship. 368 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,720 Speaker 2: So the best thing to do is to remember the 369 00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:12,720 Speaker 2: silent contract that they didn't sign and make sure that 370 00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:13,320 Speaker 2: it's root. 371 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:17,920 Speaker 3: In reality and not start on you know, like again 372 00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:22,080 Speaker 3: you're like being flappable and believing everything the last Jordan said, 373 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:24,159 Speaker 3: And I think there's pressure from other women. 374 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:25,200 Speaker 2: Like did you put them out on that? Did you 375 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,680 Speaker 2: do that? And it's like, no, that's not the right approach. 376 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:29,840 Speaker 3: And I always feel like the less you tell other 377 00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:32,960 Speaker 3: girlfriends about a relationship at the beginning, the better, so 378 00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:35,320 Speaker 3: you don't feel like you're on a peach edition. Everyone's 379 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,840 Speaker 3: judging and if they don't call, then you feel bad 380 00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:38,479 Speaker 3: about yourself. 381 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:40,199 Speaker 2: Or if something's not right, so. 382 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:41,760 Speaker 1: You made a big deal out of it and then 383 00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:43,680 Speaker 1: ease leave it. You're alone at the Christmas party. 384 00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:46,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, and then it's just you feel worse about yourself. 385 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:49,280 Speaker 3: Like I think just to say, of course you want 386 00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:51,240 Speaker 3: some of that outlet to share things with, but as 387 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,160 Speaker 3: long as in return, maybe you say to your friend, 388 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:54,880 Speaker 3: I won't want to tell you to tell me what 389 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,280 Speaker 3: to do. I just want you to listen, like I 390 00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:00,000 Speaker 3: think it's just or make sure that you can listen, 391 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:03,200 Speaker 3: but not take their advice because they might. 392 00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:06,080 Speaker 2: Love you, but there could be ill motives with girlfriends. 393 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,360 Speaker 3: They give me jealous They can be a different pasi 394 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,240 Speaker 3: and have being dated for decades and are giving you 395 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:11,000 Speaker 3: the wrong advice. 396 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:14,280 Speaker 2: And then it is extremely dangerous. And again nobody's a 397 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:14,840 Speaker 2: mind reader. 398 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:17,080 Speaker 3: This other person doesn't even know what they did wrong 399 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:21,000 Speaker 3: because you didn't share that after sex, I like, you know, 400 00:18:21,119 --> 00:18:23,280 Speaker 3: to be called that day or the next day, or 401 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:27,080 Speaker 3: there's so much miscommunication. It's it's same with like you 402 00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,879 Speaker 3: go on date with the guy, and then the women's 403 00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:32,960 Speaker 3: expecting the guy to reach out, but the guys like 404 00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:36,840 Speaker 3: I just orchestrate this amazing date. I think it's great 405 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:39,720 Speaker 3: when a girl sends a text thing like thank you 406 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:42,080 Speaker 3: something that night like thank you so much, a wonderful night. 407 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,879 Speaker 3: It's such a breath of fresh air to a man. 408 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:46,919 Speaker 3: But then the next day it's the guys turn to 409 00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:49,080 Speaker 3: then ask somebody out. I feel like you have to 410 00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:51,959 Speaker 3: do something where you're good communicators, not just playing games 411 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:53,399 Speaker 3: right from the jump start. 412 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,879 Speaker 1: Also, I think to hear someone when they tell you something, 413 00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:58,680 Speaker 1: like if someone shows you who they are, believe them. 414 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:03,320 Speaker 1: If someone says I'm in board meetings all day or 415 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,639 Speaker 1: I'm at the office and I don't look up and 416 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:09,360 Speaker 1: they're not calling you, they've told you that about them. 417 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,320 Speaker 1: You know that you're a dog, they're a cat. Like 418 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,960 Speaker 1: you don't need them to be a dog. That's where 419 00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:15,439 Speaker 1: the hope like comes in. 420 00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:17,679 Speaker 3: Where you're you're trying to be in fancy land and 421 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:20,840 Speaker 3: making you you're trying to construct the perfect person for you, 422 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,480 Speaker 3: but you have to accept them for. 423 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:25,120 Speaker 2: Like focus on the positives, all the things they do right. 424 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,800 Speaker 3: And then like you said, like someone's working in the 425 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,359 Speaker 3: markets open, they're not going to be on their phone 426 00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:32,000 Speaker 3: because there may be not the type of career where 427 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,800 Speaker 3: they're able to text in real time. And and by 428 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,480 Speaker 3: the way, men notoriously don't like to do that. That's 429 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,119 Speaker 3: not their strong suit. They're better in person than text 430 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:42,320 Speaker 3: and emails. So if you're looking for someone to be 431 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:44,720 Speaker 3: as amazing as a text as your best friend, you're 432 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:46,080 Speaker 3: gonna be sorely disappointed. 433 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,560 Speaker 1: And also it becomes a turnoff. You know, it can 434 00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,159 Speaker 1: be too much where you're doing it as like a 435 00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:53,800 Speaker 1: habit because it's just the person you're texting back and forth. 436 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:56,159 Speaker 1: It's like junk food. You're not really getting satisfied. You know, 437 00:19:56,359 --> 00:19:58,520 Speaker 1: there's no quality in it that I feel like. The 438 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:00,560 Speaker 1: biggest thing you could do is get out of your. 439 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:05,240 Speaker 3: Head stayed rooted in reality and literally the contract with 440 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:08,240 Speaker 3: yourself is so important to monitor yourself anytime you want 441 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:11,160 Speaker 3: to start having a scenario in your mind and making 442 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,800 Speaker 3: up stories and scenarios that didn't happen to realize, Okay, 443 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:14,719 Speaker 3: let's unpack it. 444 00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:16,359 Speaker 2: Why do I feel this way? 445 00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:19,800 Speaker 3: Maybe it's hitting a trigger or wounds that you haven't discovered, 446 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,159 Speaker 3: and like Buffany, you're so good to be able to 447 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:25,000 Speaker 3: articulate it, but maybe someone wasn't even understood that. So 448 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,560 Speaker 3: when they feel that way, and they should silence your 449 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,760 Speaker 3: life and be like, okay, what Why am I feeling this? 450 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:30,160 Speaker 2: What? 451 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:32,360 Speaker 3: What is this guy doing that's making me feel this way? 452 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,520 Speaker 3: Is it I was abandoned when I was younger? 453 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:35,359 Speaker 2: What is it? 454 00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,840 Speaker 3: Did my exploit friends treating me like this way that's 455 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:39,719 Speaker 3: made me feel this way and realize that this new 456 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:42,720 Speaker 3: person is not in your past. So if you're casting 457 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,879 Speaker 3: this negative energy on you're a new person, that's not 458 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,439 Speaker 3: fair because that's not that person. 459 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,040 Speaker 1: I think that it's a basic thing in life that 460 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:54,320 Speaker 1: we don't do, is if you're into someone, how about 461 00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:57,119 Speaker 1: accepting them for who they are, like if they have 462 00:20:57,200 --> 00:21:01,320 Speaker 1: intention to modify and always be a better person for themselves. 463 00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:04,560 Speaker 1: Like I've had many people come on my podcast that 464 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:07,359 Speaker 1: are very successful in business and they're very successful in 465 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:10,440 Speaker 1: relationship Proteking twenty five, thirty forty, you know, relationships, thirty 466 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:14,080 Speaker 1: year relationships, and a resounding thing was like they don't 467 00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:16,280 Speaker 1: fix the other person, they fix themselves. So it's like 468 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,960 Speaker 1: if you meet someone and you really have great chemistry, 469 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:21,840 Speaker 1: it's working out, Like they're not going to be a 470 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:25,560 Speaker 1: perfect robot. They like accept it because you want to 471 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,800 Speaker 1: be accepted pretty much for who you are to be, Like, 472 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:29,960 Speaker 1: this is kind of what this thing is I'm working 473 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,760 Speaker 1: on myself and I'm doing my own therapy, but like 474 00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:34,200 Speaker 1: this is kind of what I'm advertising. 475 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:35,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, I also. 476 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,760 Speaker 3: Think it's I mean, I've been married together for eighteen years, 477 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:42,359 Speaker 3: but I think it's beautiful when you grow together because 478 00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:44,840 Speaker 3: I'm not the same person I was eighteen years ago, 479 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:48,479 Speaker 3: but it's fun to evolve and grow together as well. 480 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:50,480 Speaker 3: So you have to realize that you're not going to 481 00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:52,919 Speaker 3: be the same person in five or ten years, and 482 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,520 Speaker 3: to put that kind of pressure on what you think 483 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,199 Speaker 3: life is going to be like isn't fair either. And 484 00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,560 Speaker 3: so I think the biggest thing is, to your point, 485 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,919 Speaker 3: like accepting who they are, not trying to change everything, 486 00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:07,000 Speaker 3: but changing more and working on yourself. And I think 487 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,159 Speaker 3: if you both are working on yourselves and showing each 488 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:12,440 Speaker 3: other love, that's the magic happens because you have something 489 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,520 Speaker 3: that's super special, and a dime a dozen is just 490 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:18,159 Speaker 3: pretty or just smart. But if you have everything together 491 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:20,879 Speaker 3: where you're a unit and you're working on things together 492 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:22,960 Speaker 3: as well, once you get to that stage, that's like, 493 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,280 Speaker 3: that's goals. That's a beautiful couplehood.