Speaker 1: Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife.
Speaker 1: She cooked, she cleaned, cared for her children and the
Speaker 1: man of the house, and of course.
Speaker 2: She didn't talk back.
Speaker 1: She was both obedient and soft by nature.
Speaker 3: She was a good woman who always made good choices.
Speaker 1: That shit, we're Good Mom's Bad Choices.
Speaker 4: Two single mom who said, but the patriarchy shared all
Speaker 4: their bad choices.
Speaker 1: And found out they were so bad.
Speaker 4: After all, we're expert over chairs and your new vestie.
Speaker 1: Sit back and do the ride. I can do a
Speaker 1: pad on.
Speaker 5: I could do all on my.
Speaker 6: Powers.
Speaker 4: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and
Speaker 4: I'm Nayla.
Speaker 1: And we're in the Jungle house. This is the Good
Speaker 1: Mom's Jungle Edition.
Speaker 4: It's been a long time since we did a Good
Speaker 4: Mom's Jungle audition. It's been a long time since we
Speaker 4: did our own production.
Speaker 1: And let me tell you it took about one hour.
Speaker 1: And if you saw what was happening to hold these
Speaker 1: cameras at akaur iPhones and another random camera, you would
Speaker 1: think we would would know, we would be better.
Speaker 4: We think, we think we'd have better equipment right now,
Speaker 4: but so have one sorchy box night stand a lamp
Speaker 4: and to ring lights we borrowed.
Speaker 1: But you know what, this is a first in regards
Speaker 1: to recording during a retreat.
Speaker 4: This is and during I don't think we've ever recorded
Speaker 4: at Sonora.
Speaker 1: No, we haven't.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so all the girls are maybe sleeping or about
Speaker 4: to gather to the yoga Shella.
Speaker 7: For am yoga that we probably won't make because we're
Speaker 7: here with you.
Speaker 1: It's stay two of our second retreat of our trip,
Speaker 1: our twenty second trip, our twenty second retreat overall. Yeah,
Speaker 1: how are you feeling about that?
Speaker 7: Twenty two is my luking number?
Speaker 1: It is, yes, Oh yeah, I feel good.
Speaker 4: I feel like I'm in the jungle. I'm happy to
Speaker 4: be here. I feel moisturized and sun kissed.
Speaker 1: So my mom's here.
Speaker 4: It's the first, so I feel good. And the Mammy
Speaker 4: and May retreat was really good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we just finished our first mommy and Me retreat
Speaker 1: out here, and we took over this whole property. There
Speaker 1: were fourteen little kids running around and like before the
Speaker 1: retreat started, Mela and I were like, we're so busy
Speaker 1: planning it that I don't think we like really recognize
Speaker 1: just all the different types of energies age ranges, parenting
Speaker 1: styles and potential safety hazards.
Speaker 4: And chaos that was gonna ensue. At first, I was like,
Speaker 4: what the fuck have we done?
Speaker 7: But everything was I it's a, it's a. It was beautiful.
Speaker 7: I think it.
Speaker 4: I feel like the Mommy and Me retreat inevitably there's
Speaker 4: always a lesson in everything, and obviously we learned stuff
Speaker 4: and like it was really putting me into like not childhood,
Speaker 4: like childhood healing, but it really like was a mirror
Speaker 4: like I just when it got started, I was like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 4: children are completely unregulated emotionally and other like they don't
Speaker 4: give a fuck what's going on, so that's not challenging.
Speaker 4: But I guess like the adult retreats were like constantly
Speaker 4: asking women to take off their masks and take off
Speaker 4: their armor, and.
Speaker 7: Kids, we don't have to ask them at all.
Speaker 4: They're going to come in blazing, full guns out like
Speaker 4: this is me bitches, And they did and it was
Speaker 4: it was beautiful. But then I had like, you know,
Speaker 4: I'm thinking about having another baby, and I was like, do.
Speaker 7: I want to have multiple children?
Speaker 1: Because fourteen of these motherfuckers right now is a lot.
Speaker 1: I don't want fourteen. You're not having fourteen.
Speaker 4: Kids, I know, but I was like, do I have
Speaker 4: the skill set for one more? And that was like
Speaker 4: kind of scary midway through the treats, like I don't know,
Speaker 4: But after I feel good.
Speaker 1: I feel like it was a good Yeah, we had
Speaker 1: some really, I just feel like it was like the
Speaker 1: best intro to this type of retreat that we could
Speaker 1: have had. Like I'm so thankful to God and the
Speaker 1: universe for always like giving us exactly what we need
Speaker 1: in every chapter of our journey, because it could have
Speaker 1: been a lot of like Type A, high strung and
Speaker 1: say moms, but it wasn't. It was a bunch of
Speaker 1: Type bees, pretty chill, mostly Type E, a little mix
Speaker 1: of Type A because you know, you need those two
Speaker 1: moms that came and it was really beautiful, and our
Speaker 1: daughters finally got to have homemies on retreat and they
Speaker 1: like finally got to have like their own little girl tribe.
Speaker 1: So that was really cool for me to see our
Speaker 1: girls like thrive in the space and just also see
Speaker 1: that the little girls be so independent because we're on
Speaker 1: this property alone. They literally just like took over. It
Speaker 1: was like their own little village, their own city, and
Speaker 1: so like they're running around at night without their parents.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like back in the day when and
Speaker 1: maybe within a small town and your parents would like
Speaker 1: from the neighborhood, neighborhood, right, Like that's what it was.
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of kids these days don't
Speaker 1: really get the luxury of that, especially if you live
Speaker 1: in the city, especially if you have type A moms.
Speaker 7: Especially it was the United States.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just like there's a lot of fear and I
Speaker 1: just I'm just so happy that those kids got that.
Speaker 1: I'm so happy and proud of the moms for allowing
Speaker 1: their children to do that. And I'm just I'm happy
Speaker 1: for our girls. I'm happy for arian Luna that they
Speaker 1: that they got that experience and that they've been wanting
Speaker 1: that shit, and I'm just happy. I'm proud of us
Speaker 1: for making that happen for them.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I'm just proud of the moms for agreeing
Speaker 4: to bring their kids internationally on a plane, a shuttle,
Speaker 4: you know, and like just do something different. And I
Speaker 4: know for a lot of moms, some moms came with
Speaker 4: multiple children.
Speaker 1: It's a lot.
Speaker 4: It's lots of travel with small children, and it's definitely
Speaker 4: a lot to travel with small children to a small
Speaker 4: town with some bitches you don't know. So I thought
Speaker 4: that was brave and I'm looking you know, I'm looking
Speaker 4: forward to doing that again and also seeing the little
Speaker 4: girls like become empowered. And we were really I don't
Speaker 4: know if we did too much of this, but like
Speaker 4: giving them a voice, giving them an opinion, because a
Speaker 4: lot of times they don't have that privilege of doing
Speaker 4: that wherever they come from, because we're always like sit down,
Speaker 4: shut up, you know, like there's so many things to
Speaker 4: go on. So seeing them feel like that a voice
Speaker 4: and seeing moms apologize to children and like just kind
Speaker 4: of like empower them to have independence. I think that's
Speaker 4: important and we forget that, especially as little girls. There's
Speaker 4: so much fear around everything. Don't jump off of that,
Speaker 4: don't hurt yourself. And I was just telling some of
Speaker 4: the moms like be careful, saying be careful all the time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think women say be careful to little well,
Speaker 1: women and men say be careful to little girls specifically
Speaker 1: so much, and then that carries on into adulthood in
Speaker 1: so many detrimental ways.
Speaker 4: It's just an internal fear that is unnecessary to trust
Speaker 4: yourself I feel like when you have kids, it's important
Speaker 4: to instill just the awareness of like, is this safe
Speaker 4: for myself? Let me try it out. Like I think women, naturally,
Speaker 4: little girls have the innate ability to uh risk what
Speaker 4: is it called risk factor, like to weigh the risks.
Speaker 4: Weigh the risks, because that's what we do in general.
Speaker 1: But like.
Speaker 4: When you're constantly telling someone to be careful, be careful,
Speaker 4: be careful, but then it kind of sills a fear
Speaker 4: about everything. You know, everything's scary, and like everything is
Speaker 4: not scary, and at some point they have to leave
Speaker 4: the house and do their own thing, and they have
Speaker 4: to be able to have the skill set and the
Speaker 4: confidence to weigh if this is riskier, don't even get
Speaker 4: the fuck up out of here, which is really basic intuition.
Speaker 4: So if you keep instilling like too much fear, it
Speaker 4: kind of like removes the natural intuition that we have.
Speaker 1: I feel like overrides that.
Speaker 4: And I it's interesting that I did a mommy me
Speaker 4: a retreat with my daughter and then a week later
Speaker 4: my mom comes, So I'm like there's a lot of
Speaker 4: mommy and me energy here.
Speaker 7: Like, God, if you can't give me a sign, just
Speaker 7: let me know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, if I can give you any advice, as
Speaker 1: someone who already did a retreat with their mother last year,
Speaker 1: you can actually actually this retreat, you did this your mom. Yeah, wow,
Speaker 1: it's crazy.
Speaker 7: It give me some nice please.
Speaker 1: It is just allowing her to be a girl and
Speaker 1: allowing her to show up with the wounds that you
Speaker 1: already know and that you've already heard her express and
Speaker 1: because and obviously a gentle correction, because you're the leader,
Speaker 1: but like, I think it's important for us to not
Speaker 1: insert our previously our previous understandings of our mother or
Speaker 1: maybe the wounds that we have with our mother, and
Speaker 1: because I think sometimes it'll shut them down. And the
Speaker 1: whole point is to give them grace and allow them
Speaker 1: to kind of be sovereign women here and obviously like
Speaker 1: you're here also to maybe do some work with her
Speaker 1: as well. And I think your mom is in a
Speaker 1: place where she's ready to receive from you, or she's
Speaker 1: been ready to she's already been receiving from you, but
Speaker 1: just allowing her to like express in ways that maybe
Speaker 1: already heard her and you just like don't want to
Speaker 1: hear it, but just let her know.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm realizing I have it, I'm like, okay, you're
Speaker 4: my mom, but also your PC a bit. And I
Speaker 4: think it's also we have a lot of girl women
Speaker 4: I kind of feel like in the same boat.
Speaker 1: Ish, So I think that's going to be interesting.
Speaker 4: I think there's a lot of healing that's going to
Speaker 4: happen in this group and a lot of messages and
Speaker 4: lessons they have for each other. So I'm looking forward
Speaker 4: to seeing that and also just seeing my mom get
Speaker 4: initiated into the Good Vibe Spiritual Sorority. And I think
Speaker 4: I know honestly that it is going to be healing
Speaker 4: for our relationship and healing for the little girl and
Speaker 4: me to be able to I guess mother her in
Speaker 4: ways and just to see her as like a girl
Speaker 4: and not just my mom.
Speaker 7: So yeah, I'm looking forward to that.
Speaker 4: It's interesting because you know, we're witchy women, so everything
Speaker 4: means something, which honestly, every time I come and retreat
Speaker 4: it reinforces it at times one hundredfold. So at this
Speaker 4: point we're like twenty two million fold into and nothing
Speaker 4: is just for no reason. But on the way here
Speaker 4: to Costa Rica, we had four forty seven hundred bags
Speaker 4: per the usual and we need more. And I was
Speaker 4: early to the airport and I you know, if you go,
Speaker 4: if you know lax, you can hit that TJ Max
Speaker 4: or Marshalls Ross sequence before you go into the airport.
Speaker 4: And I was like, let me go pick up an
Speaker 4: extra suitcase because we're probably going to be overweight and
Speaker 4: have to pay. And we had like a little bit
Speaker 4: of time, and my mom had taken me to the airport,
Speaker 4: which my mom never takes me to the airport. It's
Speaker 4: usually Orlando or Uber. Anyway, she was available because of
Speaker 4: the summertime. And I ran into Marshalls and I had
Speaker 4: put on my jackets. I was about to go into
Speaker 4: the airport, and I'd also smoked to blunt face because
Speaker 4: I was going to the airport and it was hot.
Speaker 4: And I went and Marshalls, I went and.
Speaker 1: Got it back. I got in line. I got in line.
Speaker 4: It was fucking long. I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 4: this long ass line. And while I was in line,
Speaker 4: I was like, I feel lightheaded. And I went to
Speaker 4: text my mom, like I feel lightheaded, so maybe send
Speaker 4: Luna in to take my spot in line. And I
Speaker 4: started typing it and then I erace it, so I
Speaker 4: was almost at the top and then I like, just
Speaker 4: let her know your feel light headed. So I let
Speaker 4: her know. I was like squatting down in line. I
Speaker 4: was like drinking water. I took out to the refrigerator
Speaker 4: in line, and I got to the cashier and I
Speaker 4: was like, yeah, it's hot in here. I'm feeling light headed,
Speaker 4: and he moved like a little fan in front of me,
Speaker 4: and bitch, that was the last thing I remember. I
Speaker 4: was literally woke up on the floor. My mom poured
Speaker 4: water on my face and there's like three cashiers around me.
Speaker 4: I fainted and I was like, I gotta go to
Speaker 4: the airport.
Speaker 1: I can't faint right now.
Speaker 7: And I asked my mom like did I pass out?
Speaker 7: She's like, looks fucking so scared.
Speaker 4: Like I look up, Bluna's looking at me, and I'm like,
Speaker 4: oh my god, I just fucking fainted.
Speaker 1: In the marshalls.
Speaker 4: They're putting alcohol pats underneath my nose to waken me up,
Speaker 4: and I'm like trying to get the money out my
Speaker 4: first to pay.
Speaker 1: It's like.
Speaker 4: And they're like, do you want me to call it ambulance?
Speaker 4: And I'm like I have to catch a flight now,
Speaker 4: and my mom is scared shitless. So I get in
Speaker 4: the car and text Airica're like, it just fainted.
Speaker 1: I'm like, what, I fainted in martials? It was kind
Speaker 1: of scary. I was scary. I was scared for you.
Speaker 4: And you know, some people fainting you don't remember. But
Speaker 4: I remember going somewhere very comfortable. I was so comfortable,
Speaker 4: like I was taking a nap. But I kept hearing
Speaker 4: my mom's voice to call my named Jamilla, Jamila, Jamilla, Jamilla.
Speaker 4: And at some point I told myself that sure, Mom,
Speaker 4: that's your name.
Speaker 1: Answer.
Speaker 4: And finally I was like huh and then I like
Speaker 4: came back. But I haven't passed out. I mean, I
Speaker 4: think I've fainted since I was like inhaling helium balloons
Speaker 4: when I was eight.
Speaker 7: No helium, bitch, nas, I never did you never did.
Speaker 1: NOA was in high school.
Speaker 7: No, I didn't compete.
Speaker 1: I did computer cleaner. Wow, great source.
Speaker 4: That was an eighth grade. It's a dark time anyway,
Speaker 4: when she, my mom caught me, like literally, she must
Speaker 4: have came in marshals as I was collapsing to the ground,
Speaker 4: like She's like, you would have hit the fuck out
Speaker 4: of the floor.
Speaker 1: I didn't catch you.
Speaker 4: And she's like, hell, do you like that since you
Speaker 4: were a baby, And I was like, right, I was
Speaker 4: just like I was a little bit scattered, but I
Speaker 4: mean I was fine. I was just a combination of heat, hunger,
Speaker 4: and highness. But I also feel like it was like
Speaker 4: a sign into what's happening.
Speaker 1: Yeah, a I was.
Speaker 4: I was overwhelmed and I was stressed, and I sometimes
Speaker 4: do too much and without even acknowledging my own my
Speaker 4: own things, and so I'm like, Okay, this is a sign, like, bitch,
Speaker 4: you can keep going if you want to, but you
Speaker 4: might fucking faint in marshals and be like, your mom's
Speaker 4: gonna be there to catch you.
Speaker 1: And I think she was really happy to be there
Speaker 1: to catch me.
Speaker 4: And I think if it maybe wasn't my mom's voice,
Speaker 4: like has she not been in there to call my name,
Speaker 4: I don't know how long I would have been gone,
Speaker 4: because I was comfortable, real comfy, And so it was
Speaker 4: just an interesting series of events as I walked into
Speaker 4: the portal of Puerto into the sacred space of retreating
Speaker 4: in the sequence of mommy and me and now she's
Speaker 4: here for the first time, and you know, like I've
Speaker 4: just been sitting and observing what that means, you know,
Speaker 4: for us to care for each other again, even though
Speaker 4: I'm like hyper independent in ways and like I was
Speaker 4: taken care of myself for a very long time. So
Speaker 4: and then I also see Luna being super hyper independent
Speaker 4: in ways. So I don't know, It's been an interesting
Speaker 4: series of events and I'm looking forward to seeing how
Speaker 4: this weekend folds. And also like, bitch, I need to
Speaker 4: take care of myself and I need to sell the
Speaker 4: fuck down, and if I'm feeling stressed or overwhelmed, you know,
Speaker 4: like that's okay.
Speaker 7: And also didn't ask for help.
Speaker 1: That was a big thing.
Speaker 4: He was like, I almost did not text this woman,
Speaker 4: and I would have been spirled out in Marshalls for
Speaker 4: thirty minutes, so she would have been in the car
Speaker 4: like with the washing ambulance pull up, not knowing it's
Speaker 4: free literally and then be like let me go on there.
Speaker 4: So all that to say, ask for help and check
Speaker 4: in with yourself, and if you're not feeling well, tell someone,
Speaker 4: because you could feign in Marshals too.
Speaker 8: They're gonna saint anywhere at least sure around home goods,
Speaker 8: home goods and furniture artists and pastas moms, plenty of
Speaker 8: moms in line that artist in pasta tomato sauce, the
Speaker 8: most random marshals.
Speaker 1: If you don't, you don't get a sponsorship.
Speaker 4: After this pasta sauce and pasta suitcases so much, I
Speaker 4: told them not to call the ambulance. I said, I'm fine,
Speaker 4: I'm good. I was like, I was like, no, I was.
Speaker 4: I wasn't even embarrassed. I was just like, that's crazy.
Speaker 1: I know. You got to the airport and I was like,
Speaker 1: are you okay, I'm fine? Your mom is worried, and
Speaker 1: You're like, I'm like, your mom, I'm just saw you
Speaker 1: pass out. She's going to be.
Speaker 7: She like wouldn't leave the air Force.
Speaker 1: She's going to be.
Speaker 4: Because she like parked in front of the air like
Speaker 4: in the place you're not supposed to leave her car
Speaker 4: and just walked.
Speaker 7: I saw her coming.
Speaker 1: I saw her coming like ten times.
Speaker 7: I was probably.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean yeah.
Speaker 4: And then you know, I talked to Sylvia and you know.
Speaker 1: She is our friend and then astrologer here in Costa.
Speaker 4: Rica or would she mentor one of the first witches
Speaker 4: we met of Costa Rica who aids us in a
Speaker 4: lot of the work we do personally and aids us
Speaker 4: you know, she's a practitioner and our retreat. But I
Speaker 4: was talking to her about it, because again, nothing everything
Speaker 4: means something. So if I pass out in Marsha's, I
Speaker 4: can tell Sylvia and she's like, oh, you know, I know,
Speaker 4: it's probably that's how you wanted to leave. Your body
Speaker 4: is like your body needed to leave. And I was like, oh, ship,
Speaker 4: she might have didn't need to check out for a minute,
Speaker 4: she said, but you're doing too much.
Speaker 1: I'm taking a nap.
Speaker 4: So it was interesting. How have you about the mommy
Speaker 4: and me? And this week?
Speaker 1: And I feel like retrograde is fucking the nuts? Is
Speaker 1: it over? It's finally over? And it really was spicy
Speaker 1: and just kind of like really rattled things inside of me,
Speaker 1: but not like things back home and then also things here.
Speaker 1: I think the mommy and me. I think every retreat
Speaker 1: is an initiation, especially like the firsts. And that's what
Speaker 1: I've noticed with every retreat, like with Bali, for me,
Speaker 1: with Jamaica, with Mexico Mexico, like each one like gives
Speaker 1: me something pretty like straightforward that I can't ignore and
Speaker 1: I probably should know that by now. So this one
Speaker 1: going in I was like, it's gonna just be a
Speaker 1: walk in the park. You know. Obviously I knew it
Speaker 1: was gonna be challenging, but like I wasn't prepared for
Speaker 1: what might come up for me as a mom and yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: And that's what I mean, like for me as a
Speaker 1: woman in the women's circles that we have when we start,
Speaker 1: when we would create something and then we like watch
Speaker 1: it blossom like these retreats. Definitely, we always tell the
Speaker 1: woman when they come, like, didn't you're on retreat, but
Speaker 1: so are we And I fucking mean that shit, that
Speaker 1: shit is real. And so the momy and me retreat
Speaker 1: definitely like exposed some things that I think I've been
Speaker 1: avoiding in a motherhood and that I'm I'm happy that
Speaker 1: they were exposed because now I know that, Okay, I
Speaker 1: have to deal with these things or there will be
Speaker 1: like reverberations later that I probably will have less control over.
Speaker 1: So that was really great for me. But I am
Speaker 1: glad that retrograde is the fuck over, because.
Speaker 7: A bitch.
Speaker 1: Was feeling a bit.
Speaker 4: A bit there's a lot of feelings feeling, you know.
Speaker 4: I realized, like I started my period the first day
Speaker 4: of the Mommy and Me Retreat a podcast we have.
Speaker 4: I started my period, everybody, guess what, And now you're
Speaker 4: starting yours the first day or week of this retreat
Speaker 4: or whatever. And yeah, we're not exempt now from the lessons.
Speaker 4: In fact that god, it's like you want to get
Speaker 4: them first.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Actually, and you know, and that's why I'm glad,
Speaker 1: Like we've always led here in this space as not
Speaker 1: being experts of motherhood. Obviously we have done our due
Speaker 1: diligence in our various expertises at this point, but that
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that I'm exempt from learning and being exposed
Speaker 1: to the messages and the lessons. And so I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm happy that this we did this retreat because
Speaker 1: I think it was really important for ire and I
Speaker 1: and we get back home, I'm excited to to take
Speaker 1: on a new journey with her and and yeah, so
Speaker 1: I mean I'm excited for another vomby and the retreat
Speaker 1: and in one year because I need to recover from
Speaker 1: this one. And overall, the Costa Rica is just a human.
Speaker 1: It's a filter. It's a filtering fucking system literally filters
Speaker 1: things out, not just of like my my energy field,
Speaker 1: it also filters things out of my literally physically things
Speaker 1: out of my body. I'm pretty sure, ninety nine percent sure,
Speaker 1: you guys, that I passed a parasite after I.
Speaker 7: Listening to make sure you call on the tea in
Speaker 7: my podcast, I.
Speaker 1: Drank this tea. Erasta gave me a recipe and the moment,
Speaker 1: the moment I drank that tea, y'all, I went to
Speaker 1: number two and a parasite came out of my fucking body.
Speaker 1: I swear to God, I lived in the toilet. I
Speaker 1: told you me like I said, bitch, no.
Speaker 4: She didn't look at she knocked on my door at
Speaker 4: seven am.
Speaker 1: I immediately felt better because I felt like all swollen
Speaker 1: and shit. So I just love that I can come
Speaker 1: here and I can just tap into like being well
Speaker 1: and like re center myself and reregulate my nervous system,
Speaker 1: and that I have people around me here too that
Speaker 1: like hold space for me, and and yeah, so it's
Speaker 1: overall been good.
Speaker 7: It was, you know.
Speaker 4: It's just it gets quiet enough and still enough for
Speaker 4: you to examine your shit, and that's something we don't
Speaker 4: always get the privilege of doing in the States. So
Speaker 4: so that yeah, like sometimes it feels overwhelming if there's
Speaker 4: things that you haven't looked at because a bitch like me,
Speaker 4: I'm real good at my peripherals. You know, those those
Speaker 4: glasses the horses be wearing like this so they can't
Speaker 4: see from the side.
Speaker 1: That's me.
Speaker 4: So I'm always grateful for Mama Jungle for checking a
Speaker 4: bitch and saying, hey, bitch over here. And I think
Speaker 4: if motherhood, when you miss something, it just feels so
Speaker 4: bet wrenching, or it feels like you can't ever get
Speaker 4: that time back, or you're like, what if I don't
Speaker 4: If I don't fix this, then it's it could be
Speaker 4: detrimental and it's not, you know, but it feels that way,
Speaker 4: and it feels it felt really nice to gather amongst
Speaker 4: women that you can be honest with about your shortcomings,
Speaker 4: your guilt, your shame, and your sadness. And I appreciate that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I appreciate this work that we get to do
Speaker 1: and that we actually sit with mothers and that we
Speaker 1: sit with women, and that we actually are in the field.
Speaker 1: And that's why when I hear like rhetoric online and
Speaker 1: like women that come from others that don't have any children, Sarah,
Speaker 1: that have never sat in circles with mothers that have
Speaker 1: never sat in circles with women that have literally never birthed,
Speaker 1: never had anything come out of their body besides a
Speaker 1: piece of shit or parasite.
Speaker 7: Or a baby like a watermelon.
Speaker 1: You know, Like, I just feel like, I just feel
Speaker 1: like now, I feel like I know that I'm really
Speaker 1: in the work with real people, and that is why
Speaker 1: I have so much compassion and understanding of what it
Speaker 1: actually takes to be a good one and what it
Speaker 1: actually requires of us. And that is a grace, and
Speaker 1: that is forgiveness of our bad choices, and that is
Speaker 1: being able to sit in community with other women also
Speaker 1: trying to do their best. And I realized that shame
Speaker 1: is literally like the stealer of all joy, the stealer
Speaker 1: of progress, the stealer of connection, the stealer of community,
Speaker 1: the steeler of lessons, lessons of pleasure, of all of it.
Speaker 7: It's life of life.
Speaker 1: And so like, it literally does nothing for us to
Speaker 1: shame women. It does nothing for us to shame mothers.
Speaker 1: It does nothing for us to shame each other. And
Speaker 1: I'm just grateful that I actually do this work and
Speaker 1: that I get to be part of someone's story to
Speaker 1: bettering themselves and they get to be part of mine
Speaker 1: as well, like I'm not in here. Like I said,
Speaker 1: I'm not in here just as like a leader, I'm
Speaker 1: in here also receiving.
Speaker 7: And so it's no hierarchy. The good vibratory yeah, and.
Speaker 1: So it just feels really good and affirming, especially after
Speaker 1: coming off of like a month of just a lot
Speaker 1: of negativity. And I'm just really grateful that we have
Speaker 1: had a community that's been super supportive. And you know what,
Speaker 1: I actually embrace some of the negativity because sometimes I
Speaker 1: need to be bitch slapped and remember like, oh yeah, wait,
Speaker 1: hold on what I do this shit. I actually do
Speaker 1: this shit. I actually live this shit, So shut the
Speaker 1: fuck up when you're talking about me or my child.
Speaker 1: And you know, people can rage bait all they want,
Speaker 1: they can placate to men, and a certain type of
Speaker 1: like that red pill type of nigga or bitch, and
Speaker 1: that's the type of karmic like legacy that you're putting
Speaker 1: into you and your family and the child that you'll
Speaker 1: eventually birth.
Speaker 4: And I feel bad for you because you don't even
Speaker 4: recognize how what poison that is. You know what poison is,
Speaker 4: and it's like it's like the ultimate sin, you know
Speaker 4: what I mean, Like you're planting seeds, Like we all
Speaker 4: have purpose here on earth. We're all seeds and some
Speaker 4: capacity like spirit puts us here with bities to either
Speaker 4: shift things in a positive way or do absolutely fucking
Speaker 4: nothing at all, or spread seeds of cancer. And when
Speaker 4: you do that for the likes, or for the attention,
Speaker 4: or for the fucking shock factor, like you're doing nothing
Speaker 4: for the equilibrium of the world.
Speaker 1: You're just sitting on a couch talking and doing absolutely
Speaker 1: no for the women.
Speaker 4: But we all are witnessing a extremely fragile time in history,
Speaker 4: especially for women, like especially in America, there is like
Speaker 4: a regiment like the government is coming for our rights,
Speaker 4: like they are trying to put us back in the kitchen, bitch,
Speaker 4: and like to not contribute to our betterment and our
Speaker 4: empower our empowerment, especially.
Speaker 1: Under the guise of trying to commit trying.
Speaker 4: But it's not and it's clear and I don't know
Speaker 4: what fucking bullshit your community speaks to you or your friends.
Speaker 4: Fuck community, like your specific close circle may not have
Speaker 4: any is telling you that you're even pretending to believe
Speaker 4: the bullshit. That's another thing we're seeing a lot this
Speaker 4: internet shit is bringing.
Speaker 7: I don't want to.
Speaker 4: Call it spiritual psychosis. It's like social media psychosis. We
Speaker 4: talk about spiritual psychosis and spiritually no, it's social media psychosis.
Speaker 4: Like I didn't want to really speak on this because
Speaker 4: I don't really give a fuck. But like the doctor
Speaker 4: Chyanne Bryant's and the doctor Sarah Fontonots, you're not a doctor,
Speaker 4: like quite literally, you're not a doctor, and you've done
Speaker 4: I mean, I can't really speak on China. I don't
Speaker 4: know her fucking clients or what coaching she's doing.
Speaker 1: But like.
Speaker 4: When you're not helping and you're hurting it under the
Speaker 4: guise of social media or just for ego, like you
Speaker 4: are spreading poison unnecessarily in a time that it is,
Speaker 4: people are frat people really need love in community. We're
Speaker 4: seeing people be separated from me from the truth just
Speaker 4: by isolating themselves and not having real friends and not
Speaker 4: having real love, Like you cannot heal without love. So
Speaker 4: like coming at people and degrading people and talking down
Speaker 4: to women, like it is just not the time for that.
Speaker 4: Like we are portals and this is the same shit
Speaker 4: with Kevin Samuels, Like there's an awakening that's happening with
Speaker 4: women and with the womb.
Speaker 1: We're reconnecting to it.
Speaker 4: And when you subscribe to shame and hate and conflict,
Speaker 4: it just it really goes against the grain.
Speaker 7: It goes against the.
Speaker 4: Bigger picture of what is supposed to be happening right now,
Speaker 4: and it's detrimental. So using your voice as a weapon
Speaker 4: and not as an aid is a cardinal sin.
Speaker 1: And you know what, your comment section will tell you
Speaker 1: the kind of work you're doing up in there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: your comment section will tell you actually who you're speaking to, Like,
Speaker 1: are you actually speaking to women? Who is actually generally
Speaker 1: in your comment.
Speaker 4: Section, it's men who have no other touch point to
Speaker 4: have conversation or any association with women whatsoever. Arguing, rage, baiting,
Speaker 4: talking shit is literally your only touch point that you
Speaker 4: may even zero point five percent maybe have an opportunity
Speaker 4: to interact with the opposite sex or women you would
Speaker 4: never ever have the time of day of ever seeing
Speaker 4: you or hearing you, So, you know, ladies and gentlemen,
Speaker 4: because I'm a victim of this, I'd be responding to niggas,
Speaker 4: But then I'm like, these fucking losers would never be
Speaker 4: able to.
Speaker 7: Talk to me in a fucking crowded room.
Speaker 4: It's just like, imagine that the comment section is not
Speaker 4: the vip it's general admission. In fact, it's the line
Speaker 4: outside the club. And these niggas can't even get in.
Speaker 4: In the words of Chris Brown, how are you going
Speaker 4: to talk shit from outside the club? And the bitches
Speaker 4: who do get in talking shit are bitches that came
Speaker 4: in with a niggas because they bought a bottle and they're.
Speaker 7: Hoping to get home with them tonight on the tour bus.
Speaker 4: When you be forgotten, when you fix your mom to
Speaker 4: respond to these niggas that are coming from women, remember
Speaker 4: that these niggas could not even get next to you,
Speaker 4: and they definitely couldn't get past the red rope spiritually.
Speaker 4: So don't even give it time like you would walk
Speaker 4: past them in any other given scenario, and don't give
Speaker 4: them the pleasure of interacting with them, because the truth
Speaker 4: is you're speaking English and they're speaking fucking bullshit.
Speaker 1: You don't speak the same language.
Speaker 4: And that's why I just had to realize, like arguing
Speaker 4: with dumb people makes you a dumb person, and I
Speaker 4: but a lot of people are and it's kind of scary,
Speaker 4: but there's a lot of smart people too, And I
Speaker 4: think we have to remember that what we see on
Speaker 4: the internet is a tool to harvest our energy, our anger,
Speaker 4: our sadness, because that's what I really see imus be
Speaker 4: getting sad. Like there can't be as many dumb men.
Speaker 4: I believe there's many dumb women. That's really the sad one,
Speaker 4: Like women talking shit about women like bitch and only
Speaker 4: like they're only aspiration being to be married. And it's
Speaker 4: really interesting too, like these last two retreats, last retreat,
Speaker 4: there is ten moms. You no, there's twelve moms. Two
Speaker 4: of them are married this retreat. One married me. And
Speaker 4: I'm like, women are not fucking with these niggas anymore.
Speaker 7: And it's not.
Speaker 4: Because women discover feminism yesterday. It's because women are not
Speaker 4: are up to here and men are not catching up.
Speaker 4: It's simple, and if you were a man of any
Speaker 4: basic substance or basic common sense, you recognize it too.
Speaker 4: And you don't even have to like, look at the statistics,
Speaker 4: look at look at the violence against women. Who are
Speaker 4: who's the culprit? It's men, sexual violence, physical violence, like
Speaker 4: just not equal pay. It's men that have created these
Speaker 4: systems and are hurting from them but also inflicting pain
Speaker 4: on women and it's just and.
Speaker 1: Then it's women upholding them, yes, and then it's women
Speaker 1: upholding these systems, and it's just really unfortunate. So again,
Speaker 1: these spaces are really like an energetic physical mental reset
Speaker 1: for me and affirming the work that we do and
Speaker 1: why it's important and why these other women, like I said,
Speaker 1: like the karmic like the karmic foundation that they create
Speaker 1: when they speak out of their mouth these words before
Speaker 1: even having a child. I just pray, I pray that
Speaker 1: you don't have to endure the things in which you
Speaker 1: are speaking against. However, I would not be surprised. I
Speaker 1: would not be surprised if I look up in five
Speaker 1: years and suddenly that bitches content and I say bitch
Speaker 1: because I call everyone a bitch number one.
Speaker 7: Because it's a term of endearment.
Speaker 1: To change, you know what, I mean, It may it.
Speaker 7: May may not. And you know what, she make a
Speaker 7: radio silent and you know what.
Speaker 1: And I'll still give you grace because that's what I do,
Speaker 1: because that's the type of woman I am. Because I
Speaker 1: understand that you do not know what you do not
Speaker 1: know until you know.
Speaker 4: It ain't no fake honorary degree going to give you.
Speaker 4: I don't firsthand motherhood expect me tell you herbal life.
Speaker 4: This has no maternal instinct fucking training. I don't think
Speaker 4: you could sell four hundred bottles of fucking erbal life, bitch,
Speaker 4: four hundred bottles of erber life, and that does not
Speaker 4: qualify you at all to talk shit about motherhood if
Speaker 4: you have not experienced it, Nor does it make you
Speaker 4: a doctor in any form of fashion. It makes you
Speaker 4: a pyramid scheme ponzu bitch like Mary Kay or I'm
Speaker 4: even going to disrespect the Mary Kay people. Just you
Speaker 4: know what kind of bitch I'm talking about. Anyway, I
Speaker 4: bought this Russian cream all the way from the States,
Speaker 4: even though they do have black woods out here, black woods, blackwoods.
Speaker 4: I like a black wood and a black woman. I
Speaker 4: like a black wood. I miss a black wood. I
Speaker 4: miss my blackwood because you your black Oh oh, the
Speaker 4: actual black wood black would.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I don't have any black woods. I don't
Speaker 1: have any black woods as of now. I'm black woodless.
Speaker 7: That's the only thing about coming.
Speaker 4: I mean, I guess, I guess in any relationship, in
Speaker 4: any marriage, you got to miss your partner.
Speaker 7: But I'm detoxing from.
Speaker 1: Dick for a week, for thirty thirty.
Speaker 4: Days, which, yeah, I guess that's fine, that it's been
Speaker 4: kind of sad.
Speaker 7: And then it's every year we do this. We share
Speaker 7: a room with our kids for thirty days.
Speaker 4: We've see pussies, we've seen women for thirty days straight.
Speaker 4: And then I'm like, I feel like a j feigning
Speaker 4: for some day.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't feel that way this time.
Speaker 7: Give it five days, don't feel this way this time.
Speaker 1: I need to detox from penis and.
Speaker 6: Love, and then I detalk from peniss and love and
Speaker 6: just all the things I'm I'm in a place where
Speaker 6: I feel like I really just need to pour completely
Speaker 6: into myself.
Speaker 1: And I'm sad a little bit.
Speaker 7: So you're sad about pouring into yourself or you're not
Speaker 7: about that.
Speaker 1: I'm sad about my breakup and you're gonna talk about
Speaker 1: your crash out? Is that my bad choice of the week?
Speaker 7: Okay, I forgot we had segments. We're in a jungle.
Speaker 4: Bad choice of the week Mine was I didn't eat
Speaker 4: and I got high and hot and I passed out
Speaker 4: Marshalls with towers. Mine is that I'm gonna like the backline. Okay,
Speaker 4: I think I needed to hit that. That's let's bless
Speaker 4: the backword. This is a jungle backwood blessing of the backwoods,
Speaker 4: so that Erica has a smooth transition into detoxing from
Speaker 4: love and Dick and then there's no crash outs in
Speaker 4: the future. That she has ease and mindful and awareness
Speaker 4: that she feels steadfastly without anger and minding her own
Speaker 4: business because that's the only way to do it when
Speaker 4: we mind our own business and think about ourselves.
Speaker 9: Am I's shay, I think that I in relish.
Speaker 1: Okay. My bachress of the week less, just get straight
Speaker 1: to it. Bad mom, not a bad mom, but a
Speaker 1: bad mom so good.
Speaker 7: I'm living.
Speaker 1: The badcheress of the week is that I went on
Speaker 1: social media and I crashed out on my ex and
Speaker 1: I commented on some of his posts and then I
Speaker 1: reshared them in my story so that people could see
Speaker 1: my comments on the post. And at first I checked
Speaker 1: out with my tribe to act to see if I
Speaker 1: was tripping. It was confirmed that I was not tripping.
Speaker 1: Then I said I need to say something. Fuck this ship.
Speaker 1: Everyone said say it, except Ela, which is shocking, right, No,
Speaker 1: it's not. Mela has grown a lot. I think in
Speaker 1: the past she would have told me to go for it.
Speaker 7: I don't think so. I don't see me.
Speaker 4: I don't see clear ending. I don't see anything positive
Speaker 4: coming from this.
Speaker 1: See, God knows that she would have No.
Speaker 7: God said, listen to your friend.
Speaker 1: God said, Mila, you know you would have done this.
Speaker 1: She saw the glass break. We're talking about this ship.
Speaker 7: What does that mean?
Speaker 1: Like? And in the moment it felt really good. Sh
Speaker 1: I think it felt really good because even on a scorpiod,
Speaker 1: I'm not very petty.
Speaker 4: Like.
Speaker 1: I don't know why I didn't get the petty Jene,
Speaker 1: But what you think I'm petty.
Speaker 4: I've never seen a publicly petty like that, but I
Speaker 4: think that I wouldn't.
Speaker 1: I figured women.
Speaker 7: Could be petty.
Speaker 1: I just thought I'm not really that petty.
Speaker 7: I guess.
Speaker 10: Yeah.
Speaker 4: When I think, I guess when I think of petty,
Speaker 4: I think of like prevengeing people's cars, and like you know,
Speaker 4: doing like really like calculated things to harm or hurt somebody.
Speaker 7: I hope at this big age, we're not a cheating
Speaker 7: anybody's petty.
Speaker 1: I think of like, yeah, revenge and calculated. Okay, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm not really I don't really do the calculation. Okay,
Speaker 1: this time I felt like, you know what, it's time
Speaker 1: for me to be petty. Petty Erica is coming through
Speaker 1: And it felt really good in the moment, but then
Speaker 1: afterwards I had petty regrets.
Speaker 7: Like pretty privilege, petty privilege, petty privilege.
Speaker 1: So yeah, so then I told her no, and all
Speaker 1: of our petty friends told her yes, and I was like,
Speaker 1: why are you listening to them?
Speaker 7: And then guess what.
Speaker 4: I was here when it went out, and I was like,
Speaker 4: I told you this wasn't going to do anything to
Speaker 4: make anything better.
Speaker 7: And then she was told to apologize.
Speaker 1: Then she said no, well I apologized. I apologize to
Speaker 1: him directly. I apologized to whoever else needed to get
Speaker 1: an apology who wanted one, and that was that. And
Speaker 1: then you know, he wanted me to take the apology
Speaker 1: a step further, and at first I agreed, and then
Speaker 1: I said no. And you know, it has it has spawned.
Speaker 1: It took me in a series of events that actually
Speaker 1: ended up causing me more pain. So I hate that
Speaker 1: for myself and causing him more pain, and I hate
Speaker 1: that for us because we actually did have a really
Speaker 1: beautiful bond, and I felt like, unfortunately this particular action
Speaker 1: added fuel to a fire that was already kind of
Speaker 1: fanning out and that I had started already kind of
Speaker 1: to heal from. You know, I went to Mexico. I
Speaker 1: took a trip. I got out of here because I
Speaker 1: was like, I need to just like switch up my energy.
Speaker 1: I had a beautiful experience out there, and then I
Speaker 1: kind of like backstep to like five steps with that,
Speaker 1: with that interaction, and so you know, I regret it,
Speaker 1: and I'm sorry about I'm sorry for that, and I'm
Speaker 1: disappointed at myself. Truly, I am disappointed in myself. Break
Speaker 1: camps are not pretty and they're not perfect. And just
Speaker 1: because you're mature doesn't mean you're gonna always do mature things.
Speaker 1: You know, Like sometimes we that a nerd child comes
Speaker 1: out and we're like fuck it.
Speaker 4: So I think, yeah, even if you're a healer and
Speaker 4: you do retreats, like sometimes you could be toxico, you know,
Speaker 4: that's just life, and it's the animal. Shout out to
Speaker 4: Kenya a Progressive Love Academy. Sometimes you got to let
Speaker 4: the animal come out its cage and rage and it's
Speaker 4: not your higher self, but it's important to let it
Speaker 4: come out because you know what, you've realized, what you
Speaker 4: noticed in this relationship. I think too, there's a part
Speaker 4: of you that you've caged, and the animal can be
Speaker 4: this rageful, angry, violent, the animal, you know, bad thing,
Speaker 4: but it also could be like just it's also like
Speaker 4: a metaphor for when you deny yourself parts of yourself.
Speaker 4: At some point, that part of you is going to
Speaker 4: come out. You cannot deny your whole entity. It as women,
Speaker 4: we have lots of pieces the passion and truly what
Speaker 4: that was was the passion that had transmuted into something dark,
Speaker 4: but you want it, you were needing to release it,
Speaker 4: and unfortunately it came out that way because I think
Speaker 4: you've been pretty fucking wu saw bitch for the last
Speaker 4: two years and it's not sustainable. You know, like at
Speaker 4: some point we all have a limit, whatever that is,
Speaker 4: whatever that looks like for you. And so it's okay,
Speaker 4: like you're not a bad person because you crash out,
Speaker 4: but just crash.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is kind of you, you know, one
Speaker 1: crash out every decade. Hey, I know. I just feel
Speaker 1: like if there was someone who deserved the crash out.
Speaker 1: It probably was like other lovers that I've had, you know,
Speaker 1: and I feel like I have I have suppressed my
Speaker 1: pettiness in ways, and that's why I think almost it's
Speaker 1: important to like have a healthy relationship with your pettiness,
Speaker 1: or else pet pettiness like I have, like having a
Speaker 1: like being in relation with your pettiness, or maybe we
Speaker 1: can reframe it as just like sacred rage and like
Speaker 1: releasing it and not because if you don't, then you
Speaker 1: might release it on the wrong person, you know, And like, granted,
Speaker 1: I'm human, granted, like there's still parts of me that
Speaker 1: feels like he deserved it. And but probably maybe out
Speaker 1: on the internet.
Speaker 4: You don't always have to be the bigger person, I know.
Speaker 4: I just we're not Michelle. You know, I love Michelle,
Speaker 4: but she's come to a different place.
Speaker 1: She's older than that. I don't feel like I'm always
Speaker 1: the bigger person. I don't, but we're not always going
Speaker 1: to be. Yeah, And I guess it's just still raw.
Speaker 1: It's still it's still like it's still like on the
Speaker 1: surface and.
Speaker 4: It's okay. Your feelings are hurt. Feelings are hurt. Your
Speaker 4: feelings are hurt, and that's Okay, you're more.
Speaker 1: And I guess I guess it's because like I left
Speaker 1: him that I feel like I'm supposed to partnticipate in
Speaker 1: the break up a certain way. And I told Neila
Speaker 1: the other day, I was like, I feel like I
Speaker 1: feel like I have like this like thing inside me
Speaker 1: that's always trying to see both sides of the situation.
Speaker 1: And I'm always trying to like rationalize my feelings and
Speaker 1: see where the other person's coming from, and then I
Speaker 1: kind of betray my own feelings. And this is why
Speaker 1: like something like this happened, because I'm always trying to
Speaker 1: give someone else the benefit of the doubt, or not
Speaker 1: the benefit of the doubt, but just grace. And I
Speaker 1: know I'm not perfect in it. And I know that
Speaker 1: he might even listen to this episode and he might
Speaker 1: be angry whatever. But I know that I'm not perfect.
Speaker 1: I know that I should to work on. I know
Speaker 1: this relationship exposed a lot of those things to me
Speaker 1: because I find me this safe in a lot of ways,
Speaker 1: and I saw how like I behaved even with it
Speaker 1: in safety, you know. And I also saw how I
Speaker 1: behave when I betra trade myself and the things that
Speaker 1: I know I require and thought that I could just
Speaker 1: wait and wait and wait and wait, and I just
Speaker 1: I just I guess I just feel again like we
Speaker 1: were talking about badly women feeling bad all the time.
Speaker 4: I heard you say that a lot, I feel bad.
Speaker 4: I feel bad, and then like stop saying And I
Speaker 4: know that.
Speaker 1: I know that we as women are constantly like feeling
Speaker 1: bad and feeling like we need to like shrink our
Speaker 1: feelings or our needs. And it's something I have to
Speaker 1: work on. I have to work on because I feel
Speaker 1: like I've been addicted to this idea of wanting love
Speaker 1: and wanting partnership and and at this point, like I
Speaker 1: have this, I have had this feeling and probably just
Speaker 1: because I'm just fresh off a breakup that I don't know,
Speaker 1: like I don't know if like marriage is marriage or
Speaker 1: like forever union it's for me. I don't know if
Speaker 1: I have the capacity to really love someone in an
Speaker 1: unconditional way long term. I don't know if I have
Speaker 1: the wherewithal to move through life with someone and grow
Speaker 1: with them in ways where I feel like unhappy for
Speaker 1: extended periods of time. And so I'm just like, does
Speaker 1: that unqualify me as a wife because I mean, we've
Speaker 1: done it.
Speaker 7: You've done it here, you're still here. This doesn't always.
Speaker 1: Feel but it's different because we are able to take
Speaker 1: a lot of space if we need that. We don't
Speaker 1: live in the same.
Speaker 4: High school but not I mean, we are allowed to
Speaker 4: take space, but we're not. We're I mean we do
Speaker 4: live in the same hole because we would maybe kill each.
Speaker 1: Other in the same bed and yeah, the same space.
Speaker 1: Like there's like I feel like a special gene people
Speaker 1: have that I lack. I don't think that's not but like, like,
Speaker 1: and I'm just thinking about, like my early on instinct
Speaker 1: around marriage, my early on instinct around partnership has always been,
Speaker 1: I don't want to be married. My early instinct was
Speaker 1: I want to have multiple lovers. I love love and
Speaker 1: I love being in love, but like I don't I've
Speaker 1: never met someone that has been able to activate all
Speaker 1: my chakras at once. And like I think about your
Speaker 1: you know, with with Kenya and like our episode with
Speaker 1: her around like finding different lovers that because it's it's
Speaker 1: impossible to find someone that can activate you know me mentally,
Speaker 1: you know, stimulate you sexually, stimulate your creativity, stimulate safe,
Speaker 1: all these different things, and I don't know. It sounds pessimistic,
Speaker 1: but I just don't know, like that's my calling in
Speaker 1: this life. It's not like I'm not going to experience love.
Speaker 1: But I don't know. Maybe I'm just in the midst
Speaker 1: of a breakup and feeling this way, but I just
Speaker 1: don't know if like I'm built for that shit. I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm built for other shit. And love just
Speaker 1: continuously breaks my heart, and in this capacity, like I
Speaker 1: kind of like broke my own heart because I was
Speaker 1: with someone that was actually a really good person and
Speaker 1: did nothing to me. And I've never been in the
Speaker 1: relationship like that. I've never been in a relationship. IM
Speaker 1: always baking up with niggas who are like cheat on
Speaker 1: me severely, And I want to say, this person do
Speaker 1: anything to me in the regards of like it was different,
Speaker 1: you know, And I don't know, can I hit that? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not talking the blood. I'm not.
Speaker 7: I'm trying to get like to get it off.
Speaker 4: I feel like guilt feels the patriarchy. I feel like
Speaker 4: guilt feels the patriarchy are tippy toeing around its sounding
Speaker 4: diplomatic and the little like being delicate about men's feelings
Speaker 4: and ego, and I think that has genuinely fueled the patriarchy.
Speaker 1: And I was pretty fucking straightforward a lot, but then
Speaker 1: I just hoped betraying my feeling around what I knew
Speaker 1: that I wanted. But here's the things that I wasn't
Speaker 1: nice about what I wanted at times.
Speaker 4: And one of the things in the Progression Love Academy
Speaker 4: and one of the things in life that I've learned
Speaker 4: is like, no one's doing anything to you. We choose
Speaker 4: to take things personally. And sometimes people are trying to
Speaker 4: do things to you, yes, but it's up to you
Speaker 4: whether or not you let to penetrate. And the truth is,
Speaker 4: even when people are doing things directly to you, it's
Speaker 4: because of something they have with themselves. And I think
Speaker 4: it's important for you to understand and women to understand
Speaker 4: just because a man is not targeting you and punching
Speaker 4: in the face or calling you a bitch or whatever, like,
Speaker 4: some things.
Speaker 7: Are just not compative.
Speaker 4: Sometimes your needs are just not meant and that person
Speaker 4: can't meet you there because that's not who that person is.
Speaker 4: And it's not someone doing something to you, rather it's
Speaker 4: you doing something to yourself.
Speaker 1: And I think that's why I was mad. That's why
Speaker 1: I'm mad at myself because I knew that early on
Speaker 1: enough that I could have left earlier and we both
Speaker 1: could have preserved the integrity of our bond. And because
Speaker 1: like I do love him and I do like him,
Speaker 1: you know, like and maybe at some point in the
Speaker 1: future that can be something, or maybe it won't. But
Speaker 1: like I think it's just I'm mad at myself a
Speaker 1: for stepping out of my character and going and going
Speaker 1: ape shit publicly, even if it was for twenty five
Speaker 1: minutes that the post was up. And I guess I'm
Speaker 1: in a season of truly like I want to honor
Speaker 1: my intuition completely, like the first time, not the second time,
Speaker 1: not renegotiating what my higher self told me, not putting
Speaker 1: off what my higher self told me, Like no, no, no.
Speaker 11: I'm gonna make I'm gonna hold myself to that promise.
Speaker 11: But like it might maybe like in a year, it'll
Speaker 11: like it'll just take a year for that promise to materialize.
Speaker 11: It's like, no, the moment that I feel something that
Speaker 11: is not in alignment with who I know myself to be,
Speaker 11: because truly, like I know that my body tells me
Speaker 11: first in every aspect of my life, whether that's what
Speaker 11: I'm eating, what I'm ingesting, who I'm putting in my body,
Speaker 11: how I'm feeling, and like, like, I had so many beautiful,
Speaker 11: beautiful moments with this person, life changing moments that like
Speaker 11: I'll never forget, but there are also moments that I
Speaker 11: knew was.
Speaker 1: Like this, this doesn't feel all the way right, and
Speaker 1: I think perhaps like he felt that too, and.
Speaker 10: Maybe you can't admit that right now, or maybe you can,
Speaker 10: But I just I'm mad at myself because like I
Speaker 10: think both of us are good people.
Speaker 7: It's okay, you're a good person. This does not change that.
Speaker 1: But I felt like a really bad person. And I
Speaker 1: said early on into this relationship, I.
Speaker 7: Even read back and read in my journal that.
Speaker 5: I hope I don't fuck this up because he's a
Speaker 5: good person. And it's more so like I hope I
Speaker 5: don't fuck myself up because I'm also a good person.
Speaker 5: I hope I can listen to myself. And it's like,
Speaker 5: even after all the work.
Speaker 1: I've done, like this love shit for me is hard,
Speaker 1: and I'm tired. I'm tired. I don't want to like
Speaker 1: meet anyone else. I don't want to reduce myself. I
Speaker 1: just want to I have a lot of lovers.
Speaker 7: I just want to give it a little bit a
Speaker 7: couple of facts.
Speaker 1: I just want to be a home for life.
Speaker 12: And and I when I say how, I just mean
Speaker 12: like a woman that is just free, free, And that
Speaker 12: doesn't mean to just frsee my body, because I can't
Speaker 12: even do that at this point in my journey.
Speaker 1: But like I just I'm just fucking tired, man. And
Speaker 1: I think I'm also like grieving the fact that I
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm gonna like have any more kids.
Speaker 1: And I know that like whatever's for me.
Speaker 7: I know people are like, but I.
Speaker 1: Was four years good God, But like I gain and
Speaker 1: knowing what's in my body, what my intuition is telling you.
Speaker 1: I've always been on the fence about it and just
Speaker 1: really feels like Erica, especially with this mommy and me retreat.
Speaker 1: This is this is this? This treat this relationship like
Speaker 1: this is it meaning my relationship with my daughter. Treat
Speaker 1: this relationship like this is your last fucking opportunity and
Speaker 1: chance to really pour in and give everything you can here,
Speaker 1: you know, and which is beautiful and I love so anyway,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm I am really grateful to be here with
Speaker 1: a lot of other women because I'm not alone in
Speaker 1: this feeling. I know I'm not. But this has been hard.
Speaker 1: It's been hard, and hm hmm. Life be lifing and
Speaker 1: life keeps going and there's always more and I know that.
Speaker 1: And you know, it's so easy for me to offer
Speaker 1: people advice and guidance, but sometimes it's just so hard
Speaker 1: for me to follow my own and I know that's human,
Speaker 1: but bitch, I'm ready to follow my own advice. I
Speaker 1: am ready to listen completely to myself and say no
Speaker 1: to like even good men that come to me that
Speaker 1: just aren't right, you know, Like I'm ready to I
Speaker 1: can do this. Then I can do anything. I have
Speaker 1: like said goodbye to so many different men that a
Speaker 1: maybe we're good or bad. And I've experienced a lot
Speaker 1: of pain, even with my child father, and like it's
Speaker 1: I'm just and a lot of the things is because
Speaker 1: I've betrayed myself and I'm not doing that shit no more.
Speaker 1: I'm not hurting anybody else in the process because I'm
Speaker 1: not listening to myself. And yeah, I'm done crying on
Speaker 1: this episode as well.
Speaker 4: Okay, I mean life you know, one thing's been consistent
Speaker 4: through the eight and a half years of this podcast.
Speaker 4: The journey is going to journey and it gets hard
Speaker 4: so that you can crack open and that you could
Speaker 4: see things and it's not linear, you know, like even.
Speaker 7: You're saying, like this is it, you know, giving all
Speaker 7: you've got?
Speaker 4: Like generally that's our hope, right in parent had that
Speaker 4: were always giving it all we got, And I mean
Speaker 4: generally it's just not always true. It's like it's a journey.
Speaker 4: Sometimes you don't have a whole lot to give. That's
Speaker 4: the truth, and that's okay. And you know, it's so
Speaker 4: interesting that you're expressing that because like in the beginning
Speaker 4: of this retreat, I was like I've been feeling guilty,
Speaker 4: like maybe I haven't given enough, Like maybe I'm not
Speaker 4: as like good of a mom as I thought, or
Speaker 4: like do I really need to be having another kid?
Speaker 4: Like is like am I even good at the one
Speaker 4: that I have right now? You know, we've talked pretty
Speaker 4: honestly about the amount of time and energy and obsession
Speaker 4: and delusion that good moms and you know, our businesses
Speaker 4: have required and how passionately we you know, pursued that
Speaker 4: and how it's inevitably impacted the time and energy that
Speaker 4: we've given our children. And I think times I look
Speaker 4: back and like that we can never get back, and
Speaker 4: that really like just scares the shit out of me.
Speaker 4: And I'm just like, you know, the responsibility of growing
Speaker 4: a human and looking back and saying, like, you know,
Speaker 4: two years flew by, and maybe the things I did
Speaker 4: or did.
Speaker 1: Not do, like how is that going to affect them
Speaker 1: long term?
Speaker 4: And if you've done everything in your power, And it's
Speaker 4: just like even when you plan motherhood, I plan that
Speaker 4: Luna would know how to read when she was too
Speaker 4: and know two languages and never eat meat and always
Speaker 4: were eat organic, and like I had all these big
Speaker 4: plans that I just haven't gone just that way because
Speaker 4: that's just it hasn't gone that way. Not that it's
Speaker 4: not possible because moms do it all the time, or
Speaker 4: it's not sustainable, but like, just like I think sometimes
Speaker 4: what I've realized is like accepting you're doing the best
Speaker 4: that you can with what you got at the time
Speaker 4: you have. We can always reevaluate and readjust and like
Speaker 4: giving yourself grace, Like giving yourself grace. You know, we're
Speaker 4: all rediscovering the need to mother ourselves, pick ourselves up
Speaker 4: like babies, hold us, like say it's okay, Like no
Speaker 4: matter how your child acts, you're going to embrace them.
Speaker 4: And I think sometimes even in adulthood, subconsciously we're acting
Speaker 4: out because we're waiting for someone to tell us it's
Speaker 4: okay that you've acted out, you know, And that's ourselves,
Speaker 4: you know, ultimately, Like you spoke about this addiction to
Speaker 4: love or relationships, like there's a void that you're like
Speaker 4: because you have so much love, you have so many friends,
Speaker 4: you have like a.
Speaker 7: Rich life. I know that because I'm right next to it.
Speaker 7: I see it.
Speaker 1: I've just I'm thinking, I've always been addicted to boys.
Speaker 1: I've always had a boy addiction all the time, like
Speaker 1: since I was young, and like I've learned to find
Speaker 1: empowerment in it and I've learned to like I've learned
Speaker 1: to guide it more and I've learned too. But maybe
Speaker 1: it's it's not just boys. It's where it is. It's love.
Speaker 1: It's like the security of knowing that I have someone
Speaker 1: that I even if I can't rely on him, holy,
Speaker 1: I can like rely on him a little bit because
Speaker 1: that's what my Dad gave me, give me a little bit.
Speaker 1: It was enough that it made me feel like I
Speaker 1: had something, you know, And.
Speaker 4: Well, it's also probably the other parts that weren't of
Speaker 4: the parts he didn't give you. You still as girls
Speaker 4: we want that you got a little bit. But the
Speaker 4: truth of the matter is at your core even now,
Speaker 4: you wanted the whole thing, because women want the whole thing.
Speaker 4: Even as girls, we want the whole thing. I see
Speaker 4: it in the gand mommy, Marri Tree. We all want
Speaker 4: the love and attention. And now you're still you're still
Speaker 4: seeking that from one hundred and ten person.
Speaker 1: You have to believe you can have the whole thing.
Speaker 1: You have to believe that you can. And I think generally,
Speaker 1: like we've also been fed this thing consistently too, that
Speaker 1: you're not going to find the whole thing. You're not
Speaker 1: going to find the whole thing, so you might as
Speaker 1: well settle you're not going to find the whole thing.
Speaker 1: Even people in happy relationships say that, And because generally
Speaker 1: there is like truth to it in some capacity, you know, like.
Speaker 4: You can find the whole thing, Like okay, you can
Speaker 4: find the whole thing. You literally can find the whole thing.
Speaker 4: Will you find a perfect person there you think that
Speaker 4: everyone finds the whole thing?
Speaker 1: Is like, do you think every person in this lifetime's
Speaker 1: purpose is to find the whole thing? So could it
Speaker 1: possibly be that I am not meant to find the
Speaker 1: whole thing in this lifetime?
Speaker 4: It could be, but it's not up to you to
Speaker 4: say it's not. It's not up to you to claim
Speaker 4: and pro and proclaim, like.
Speaker 1: What if your spirit kind of knows it?
Speaker 4: Generally, every time you try to like negotiate those things
Speaker 4: out because it sounds nice and that's what people say,
Speaker 4: and it makes you feel more comfortable, like you then
Speaker 4: continuously get disappointed because you kind of know, like that's
Speaker 4: not the deal this.
Speaker 1: Time proclaiming that I think there's it could be two.
Speaker 7: There's two things.
Speaker 4: Maybe you do feel that way, but we also know
Speaker 4: that how we feel changes, what we experience changes, where
Speaker 4: we're at changes. I think it's more important, and this
Speaker 4: is just like an all around the thing. It's more
Speaker 4: important right now and this time, especially right now, that
Speaker 4: we begin to reframe the things that we proclaim. Even intuitively,
Speaker 4: I'm pretty sure the government's evil and we're all gonna
Speaker 4: implode because everybody there's a lot of shit that's going back.
Speaker 7: But what I choose to believe is that this is.
Speaker 4: A moment in time that is going to crash and
Speaker 4: brown and crack open something very beautiful, something very loving,
Speaker 4: or people or the humanity. Humanity restores itself and it's
Speaker 4: kind to one another and loving. I even before Orlando,
Speaker 4: like you know, I wasn't pressed. I don't even like
Speaker 4: I said, I wanted to get married, but like it's not,
Speaker 4: it's just I think it's rather.
Speaker 7: Just understanding that we don't know what's next.
Speaker 4: We don't know, we don't know, but I'd like to
Speaker 4: believe in the best possible, best case scenario. I've been
Speaker 4: gone for a month. I could think of Orlando, are
Speaker 4: we doing this?
Speaker 7: Isn't that? But I just can't a. He hasn't shown
Speaker 7: me that.
Speaker 4: But just in general, you may or may not find lovers,
Speaker 4: a love, the one, a marriage.
Speaker 7: More babies. But the truth is shit, we don't know
Speaker 7: where I'm at.
Speaker 1: I'd never thought I'd be the only bitch at the retreat.
Speaker 7: Mary.
Speaker 4: I'm still practicing saying Mary. It sounds sometimes I'm like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 4: that's me. I'm the wife. Because it's not something I
Speaker 4: truly believe, and I still is taking me time to
Speaker 4: believe it in my body. But I just say to say,
Speaker 4: first of all, not finding one lever for the rest
Speaker 4: of is not bad. You have a lot of love,
Speaker 4: That's what I'm telling you, like romance, if you wanted
Speaker 4: to attract and manifest help like you can. You can
Speaker 4: satisfy different parts of you're with different people, And that's
Speaker 4: okay too when there's love and there's communic communication and maturity.
Speaker 4: But it's truly like, just be careful what you say,
Speaker 4: because anything is possible.
Speaker 1: I haven't said that a lot publicly because I feel
Speaker 1: shame around the feeling of it.
Speaker 7: Why But that's like, why do you feel shame about that?
Speaker 1: Because I feel like I feel like I'm supposed to
Speaker 1: feel I'm supposed to have this like bright side right side.
Speaker 1: I'm supposed to have this like optimistic perspective around life.
Speaker 7: Having is not a prize.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's a prize, but I'm saying that, like,
Speaker 1: it's this optimistic perspective that all women want to hold
Speaker 1: on to, that like in this lifetime they're going to
Speaker 1: find the one. And if you don't and if you
Speaker 1: don't agree with that then somehow like you're calling in
Speaker 1: some sort of negativity around love, and for me, it's
Speaker 1: like I'm still battling with like what it means, but
Speaker 1: like it's kind of always been there for me, and
Speaker 1: it could be a wound, for sure, I'm sure that
Speaker 1: it's definitely there's wound there. But then there's also this
Speaker 1: feeling of like that idea has also imprisoned me in
Speaker 1: ways and like made me feel constricted and made me
Speaker 1: like and perhaps not perhaps the men I choose also
Speaker 1: have done that, But I guess maybe I'm coming to
Speaker 1: terms with this idea that that can be a positive
Speaker 1: thing and that I maybe have yes, always kind of
Speaker 1: felt it and it was and yes, it was affirmed
Speaker 1: as well by Sylvia shout out to Sylvia years ago,
Speaker 1: and that has kind of been the theme for me
Speaker 1: and and my distraction. I think it's I think it's
Speaker 1: been a distraction for me. So anyway, I'm open to
Speaker 1: whatever God wants for me. I'm open to whatever the
Speaker 1: universe wants for me and spirit wants for me. I'm
Speaker 1: just I think I'm also just really deeply examining my
Speaker 1: natural instincts about myself and like not trying to negotiate them,
Speaker 1: Like I said, not trying to like, but.
Speaker 7: You want love, you love love.
Speaker 1: I do. It's not that I'm saying I want. I'm
Speaker 1: not a woman that will experience love or deep love
Speaker 1: or like long term relationships. I'm just gonna I did
Speaker 1: say I was gonna be homeing. But but and even
Speaker 1: in that space, like so I can't help but be
Speaker 1: a lover. I can't help but want to pour into someone.
Speaker 1: I can't help but want to nurture. I can't help
Speaker 1: but want to receive love. And I feel exactly and
Speaker 1: and want and want like you know, offerings delivered to
Speaker 1: my altar and then delivering my overflow to my lover,
Speaker 1: like there's very well inherently always I will always exist
Speaker 1: within me and I'll always give that. I just moreso think,
Speaker 1: I mean, like with one.
Speaker 4: Person morning that morning, maybe what it looked like mourning,
Speaker 4: mourning this this this patriarchal programming, the idea of how
Speaker 4: it's supposed to show up. Yes, we need to realized,
Speaker 4: like removing the shackles of the illustration, like like throw
Speaker 4: away the whole paper. It's blank. Everything is blank. Everything
Speaker 4: that we know was made up and created by someone
Speaker 4: the rules, what's bad, what's good, what's publicly acceptable?
Speaker 1: You know what I mean.
Speaker 4: It's all created by man, and we're all much greater
Speaker 4: than that, Like we're having a human experience, but like
Speaker 4: what you subscribe to is your own and you are
Speaker 4: only in prison to your own ideas. Literally wing with
Speaker 4: the children, I realize, like they don't give a fuck,
Speaker 4: and it's because they're literally just going by their own
Speaker 4: human design, which we're all supposed to do, but we
Speaker 4: socialize out of that.
Speaker 1: That is like, that's one of the biggest takeaways I
Speaker 1: think I got from this retreat.
Speaker 4: The politically correctness is.
Speaker 1: Just how That's what I'm saying, Like trusting your first feeling,
Speaker 1: trusting your first thoughts, saying it, that is it. That
Speaker 1: is it?
Speaker 4: This is lovingly but saying and not just saying it,
Speaker 4: taking action on whatever you said, and not letting it fester,
Speaker 4: because then you tell the universe that everybody else's feelings
Speaker 4: are more important than your own, and then you don't
Speaker 4: know your own feelings because you've ignored them for so long.
Speaker 4: Well and not even more important, well, yes, more important,
Speaker 4: but thankstart question whether they're valid or they're important, Like
Speaker 4: if they're valid if that they're real and if they're
Speaker 4: truth and if they're like they're actually the truth or
Speaker 4: can there be two truths?
Speaker 1: Why the fuck did God make me a scorpio in October?
Speaker 1: I feel like the libra in me is it's fucking
Speaker 1: with my libra.
Speaker 4: I mean, you know, and then you just like you
Speaker 4: have to do I have to be so fucking diplomatic
Speaker 4: and aware.
Speaker 1: I'm like you, if you give me the problem, baby.
Speaker 7: I'm gonna go back and forth with you. I'm gonna
Speaker 7: find the pros and the cons.
Speaker 4: A hunt forever infinity it is, and I'm and raised
Speaker 4: by a libra. You have to learn how to conquer it.
Speaker 4: I feel like this is the part. This is the
Speaker 4: thing about our humanness is that you have to learn
Speaker 4: to accept parts of you.
Speaker 7: And that goes to say, like you know, it's like
Speaker 7: it just going against yourself is fucking dumb.
Speaker 1: Is that physically that the approbation.
Speaker 4: That's affirmation, Going against yourself is fucking dumb? And then
Speaker 4: in fine print turney physically, emotionally, spiritual, Yeah, pussly and pussly.
Speaker 4: I know it's physically, but it's pussily encompasses all of
Speaker 4: those because It's like your intuitiveness going against yourself is
Speaker 4: fucking done.
Speaker 7: Dumb.
Speaker 4: It's dumb, and honestly, it creates poison in your body
Speaker 4: that can, if it's faster too long, creates physical ailments.
Speaker 4: And we already know everything else is already out to
Speaker 4: get us, you know, in the worldly realm. So water
Speaker 4: yourself spiritually, and by water yourself, I mean, do what
Speaker 4: the fuck you need to do for you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we don't have our Tarot cards. Get Yeah, maybe
Speaker 1: i'll show everybody my boobs. Okay, it's Tarot time.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, I'm excited for the share of time. Tarot
Speaker 4: time in the jungle.
Speaker 1: Hmmm. And it's almost breakfast at the retreat. The girls
Speaker 1: just did yoga. Yeah, they'll be done informant, they'll be.
Speaker 2: Joining us up here shortly. Taro, What message, not quite?
Speaker 2: What message do you have for me and the collective?
Speaker 2: What is it that I need to hear in this moment?
Speaker 2: What is it that we need to hear as women
Speaker 2: in this moment that are going through transitions through change,
Speaker 2: for trusting their inner guidance, trusting their voice, trusting their bodies.
Speaker 1: What is it that we need to hear?
Speaker 4: Okay, well, oh, well, this one's one facing me. There's two,
Speaker 4: there's one underneath it. Okay, huh, Temperance and the King
Speaker 4: of Pentacles.
Speaker 1: This is gonna be good.
Speaker 7: How are you? You're gonna get you my computer?
Speaker 1: Do you know what? You can say? What the fuck
Speaker 1: you want about Taro? Shout out to mahogany Taro. We
Speaker 1: love you. But honestly, y'all can say.
Speaker 4: We have like a ninety nine out of a like
Speaker 4: it always hits and you would think we would plan
Speaker 4: plan this ship.
Speaker 1: You know, we don't plan this ship.
Speaker 7: Don't we barely plan anything.
Speaker 4: I can't even believe. I mean, the fact that we've
Speaker 4: come this far is good, godsend, like.
Speaker 1: That's spirit. Like, you can say what you want about Taro.
Speaker 1: But these these cards have guided me in ways and
Speaker 1: affirmed me in ways that are so specific.
Speaker 7: It was Temperance on top of that one, right, that are.
Speaker 1: So specific, that are so acute, that are so like
Speaker 1: not what I want to fucking hear sometimes, But I
Speaker 1: have really really helped and guided me. Have I listened
Speaker 1: all the time now, but either even still here we go.
Speaker 4: Temperance. Temperance is the card for beginning, bringing balance, patience,
Speaker 4: and moderation into your life. You're being invited to stabilize
Speaker 4: your energy and to allow the life force to flow
Speaker 4: through you without force or resistance. It's time to recover
Speaker 4: your flow and get back to your life. Get back,
Speaker 4: get your life back in order and balance. This card
Speaker 4: calls on you to remain calm even when life feels
Speaker 4: stressful or frantic. Maintain an even temperament, and manage your emotions.
Speaker 4: You have learned to keep composed and stressful situations little
Speaker 4: things don't get to you thanks to your seemingly abundant
Speaker 4: source of patience for your respect for balance and tranquility
Speaker 4: is what will help you achieve and experience fulfillment in
Speaker 4: your life. Temperance asks you to take the middle path
Speaker 4: and accommodate all perspectives. Now is not the time to
Speaker 4: be highly opinionated or controversial. Be the peacemaker and take
Speaker 4: a balance and moderate approach having avoid social media yeah
Speaker 4: maybe not, maybe we've listened to me.
Speaker 1: Not exposed.
Speaker 4: Don't avoiding avoiding any extremes, ye, don't crash out. Basically
Speaker 4: include others and bring together diverse groups of people to
Speaker 4: create harmony and cooperation thereat. By working together, you will
Speaker 4: collectively leverage the right mix of talent, experiences, abilities, and skills.
Speaker 4: Thank you, there's alchemy with Temperess. This tarot is about blending, mixing,
Speaker 4: and combining diverse elements in a way that creates something
Speaker 4: new and even more valuable that its separate part. Blending
Speaker 4: can take on many forms h than it's separate elements,
Speaker 4: in a way that creates something Oh wait, sorry, this
Speaker 4: tarot card is about blending, mixing, and combining diverse elements
Speaker 4: in a way that creates something new and even more
Speaker 4: valuable than its separate parts. Blending can take on many forms,
Speaker 4: for example, a blended family and artists who blends different
Speaker 4: materials or techniques, and a bartender who makes this new
Speaker 4: and exciting cocktails, or a chef who combines different cuisine
Speaker 4: and cooking styles. And then we had the King of Pentacles,
Speaker 4: which we know is that money, honey.
Speaker 1: And when I do, I will become rich the.
Speaker 7: King of Pentacles.
Speaker 4: I mean honestly, I honestly think going with yourself create like.
Speaker 7: Is what makes you rich.
Speaker 1: Everything you want then can flow to you, the king.
Speaker 1: There's no blocks.
Speaker 4: You're doing what you're supposed to do, which is whatever
Speaker 4: you want. This King is a faithful provider. He uses
Speaker 4: his ambition and confidence to create wealth for himself and
Speaker 4: others in I Can't read and others, and generates his
Speaker 4: self worth from what he has accumulated and can share
Speaker 4: with others. He is also a fatherly figure who provides
Speaker 4: others with advice, guidance, and wisdom, especially in financial work
Speaker 4: related matters. When the King of Pentacles appears in tarro reading,
Speaker 4: you're a confident and successful at attracting and managing wealth.
Speaker 4: Not only do you identify opportunities for growth and success,
Speaker 4: but you also draw upon your self discipline and control
Speaker 4: to manage your wealth and investor wisely for the long term.
Speaker 4: It indicates that you can translate your vision into something tangible, practical,
Speaker 4: and often very lucrative. You are the ultimate business owner.
Speaker 4: You do not merely come up with ideas and help
Speaker 4: for the best. You work hard to map out your
Speaker 4: plan of attack, gather your resources, and manifest your goals,
Speaker 4: often with tremendous success. You are like King Midas. Everything
Speaker 4: you touch turns to gold, and that's the thing you've
Speaker 4: nursed that like, look all the things we have nursed.
Speaker 4: We're sitting in our manifestation we are at our twenty
Speaker 4: six twenty second retreat. We are with our children. We
Speaker 4: have ideas and then we do them, which my mother
Speaker 4: is here. We are literally changing.
Speaker 1: You're healing your lineage.
Speaker 7: We're in real time and or really.
Speaker 1: Look at I'm looking at my little my daughter and
Speaker 1: Costa Rica in a mumu be dazzling my iPhone case
Speaker 1: in Costa Rica happily rested and moisturized.
Speaker 4: I mean, honestly, well, the women are completing yoga class
Speaker 4: behind me in the jungle, in this beautiful property that
Speaker 4: is ours for the next six days.
Speaker 1: We're black, We're free, and we're fine. We're fine as hell,
Speaker 1: and we have powers everything we can and we have
Speaker 1: and we have we have accountability too, and we have love,
Speaker 1: and we have our voices. We have each other. And
Speaker 1: I'm grateful, and I'm going to thank you for seeing
Speaker 1: me through this chapter and thank you for being there
Speaker 1: for me and being my friend. And I appreciate your
Speaker 1: wisdom and listening.
Speaker 7: And then I only have to take advice from me.
Speaker 1: True, it's not true. I feel like you like, think
Speaker 1: of instrument.
Speaker 7: I'm like, look somebody else telling it.
Speaker 1: It can't be for me. No, that's not true. I
Speaker 1: listened to your advice. I just think that I think
Speaker 1: that it's like you, like you always say when a
Speaker 1: woman is in love, it's hard for them to hear,
Speaker 1: you know. And I think that's just people in general,
Speaker 1: women in general, And like I think because also there's
Speaker 1: something our spirit intuitively knows that we need to like
Speaker 1: go through in whatever situation that maybe that other person
Speaker 1: isn't aligned with. However, they have a better they have
Speaker 1: a zoomed out view of it. So it's like two
Speaker 1: truths battling each other. He always has to go through it,
Speaker 1: you know. And so these cards are very timely. And
Speaker 1: then there's one on the floor. Should we read that.
Speaker 4: One King is Swords. I have it right here, darling.
Speaker 4: The King is Swords is a symbol of intellectual power
Speaker 4: and authority, and has the courage and intellect to achieve
Speaker 4: all that he desires. When this card and a tarot reading,
Speaker 4: you are in your power, ruling from a place of
Speaker 4: authority and respect. You stand firm in your truth and
Speaker 4: express yourself with deep conviction. As a result, others pay
Speaker 4: attention to which you have to say. The King of
Speaker 4: Swords indicates that you have a clarity of mind and
Speaker 4: can perceive the truth. So it is up to you
Speaker 4: to take the lead with providing an objective point of
Speaker 4: view and making decision based on impartial judgment. You are
Speaker 4: a well positioned You're well positioned to judge your situation
Speaker 4: appropriately and identify any limiting behaviors getting in the way.
Speaker 4: You're also masterful at keeping your emotions in check while
Speaker 4: you while you draw upon your intellectual power and mental
Speaker 4: clarity to ascertain the truth. You cut straight to the
Speaker 4: point and get to the heart of the matter of
Speaker 4: maximum efficiency and impact. While you may worry that you
Speaker 4: are not being particularly caring or sympathetic with others, this
Speaker 4: detachment is that you need most right now, Oh.
Speaker 1: My god, not being nice, feeling not being nice, but
Speaker 1: not feeling bad.
Speaker 4: The King of Stars encourages you to use your logic
Speaker 4: and intellect to navigate the path ahead. You will need
Speaker 4: to make firm and well researched decisions and stay fair
Speaker 4: in your dealings with others. You need to be able
Speaker 4: to take any situation, look at it with total impartiality,
Speaker 4: and then come to balance an insightful decision.
Speaker 1: Got it? Thanks?
Speaker 3: Yeah, cards have spoken, My dear, I'm grateful I'm grateful
Speaker 3: for you. I'm grateful for this every time we do this,
Speaker 3: and like I can't believe we've done this, and also
Speaker 3: we're doing it and it's not I know, we're in it,
Speaker 3: so we forget, but like it's a big deal and
Speaker 3: we're doing big things, and like our kids get to
Speaker 3: see us do it, even if they don't always act
Speaker 3: like they care, they care. They're listening, they're watching, they're
Speaker 3: manifesting with us, and we're doing a good job.
Speaker 4: And I'm proud of you and deserve love. You have love,
Speaker 4: you are love, you are supported. You know, We've built
Speaker 4: a lot of things, but most importantly is our friendship.
Speaker 4: And without our friendship, all of this would not be possible.
Speaker 4: And I'm grateful for this, this covenant and this relationship.
Speaker 4: And it's not always easy, you know, it's been a lot.
Speaker 4: It's been a hard three years and I think that's
Speaker 4: just it's the journey.
Speaker 7: You know, we're coming to it. We're coming up on
Speaker 7: nine years of this world.
Speaker 4: We're coming up on nine years of this but like,
Speaker 4: look look what we've built, bitch, I don't know, Look.
Speaker 7: What we've built.
Speaker 4: And twenty two times, I'm really proud of us, and
Speaker 4: I couldn't. We could not have done this with anyone
Speaker 4: else except each other, like we were supposed to be
Speaker 4: here like and that's the biggest thing. Even in my relationship,
Speaker 4: even when I'm going through things, one of the biggest
Speaker 4: things is like spirit didn't bring me this far just
Speaker 4: to get this far, our intuition has built all the ships,
Speaker 4: like Kim, Sorry.
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe it is true. Though once it's up, it stuck,
Speaker 1: like Cardi B said my wordsmith.
Speaker 4: To Kim Kardashian party, and I hope so, I hope
Speaker 4: I was good at it.
Speaker 7: But yeah, this is special.
Speaker 4: This is special work, and I know there's there's been
Speaker 4: a lot of heart in it. And I'm grateful and
Speaker 4: are magical woman together apart individually, in anything that we
Speaker 4: do in this outside of this, like everything we touch
Speaker 4: is magic because that's just our power. We don't have
Speaker 4: to worry about that. And there's something safe in knowing that.
Speaker 4: And remember that time at Joshua Tree where I cried
Speaker 4: because no one was coming and saved me.
Speaker 7: No one still is coming to save me.
Speaker 4: And and we've saved ourselves though, just by creating a
Speaker 4: space that we could do this, just by creating a
Speaker 4: space where.
Speaker 1: We could be honest.
Speaker 4: And even if it's weird and a lot of people
Speaker 4: are listening, it's doing something like the audio, the truth matters,
Speaker 4: and the truth is not always perfect or pretty. And
Speaker 4: I respect you for being fearless in this journey with me,
Speaker 4: because it wouldn't have been it wouldn't have worked without
Speaker 4: the honesty. So like being honest with yourself and me
Speaker 4: being honest with myself, and like saying the thing even
Speaker 4: with each other, like even in relationships, like that's a
Speaker 4: threat and it's hard, but like it's necessary, and like
Speaker 4: I matter, You matter, Like our feelings matter, even if
Speaker 4: they don't make sense to anybody else, and to each
Speaker 4: other even you know, it's like trust trust that, like
Speaker 4: it's gotten us far. And that's the one lesson I
Speaker 4: can say I could take from this, is like the
Speaker 4: shit life really is magical. We literally can save ourselves.
Speaker 4: We can and design it however we want, and like
Speaker 4: that looks you know, whatever we want can happen.
Speaker 1: So just remember that, Like I am proud of myself.
Speaker 1: I might not be perfect in my exit, but I'm
Speaker 1: proud of myself and I'm proud of my ability to
Speaker 1: acknowledge my wrongdoings and adjust and fix and maybe not
Speaker 1: on everyone's timeline, but I'm aware.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and sometimes we're too aware. It's fucking annoying. I
Speaker 4: wish I could be a dumb, petty bitch. Yeah, annoying yourself.
Speaker 1: When I crashed out, I was like, Oh, this is
Speaker 1: what this feels like. People do this a lot, like weekly,
Speaker 1: like daily, monthly. What does that feel like in their body?
Speaker 1: Because for me it felt like invigorating. I was like,
Speaker 1: it's a bump.
Speaker 7: Shut up, this Patty is the new cocaine.
Speaker 1: Whoa, this could be okay? And I crashed around the
Speaker 1: worst ever where it's Amy Scorpio. Oh my god, the patty.
Speaker 1: Calm down. It's hard.
Speaker 7: I saw it happen in real time.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god. I felt like I
Speaker 1: was like and I was. I saw.
Speaker 4: I was like, okay, okay, I'm gonna go to this
Speaker 4: draw now I'm gonna walk away.
Speaker 1: He just shook me in the bed. She literally shook
Speaker 1: like this slap.
Speaker 7: I felt good.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. I was like, I needed to
Speaker 1: do that.
Speaker 7: It wasn't like, it wasn't violent.
Speaker 1: Told him it wasn't violent.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, the fucking drama. Oh my god, bitch,
Speaker 4: I'm barely shook you. It was very gentle. You can't
Speaker 4: hand You couldn't handle much. You have hard like you
Speaker 4: have hard hands.
Speaker 7: I hurt you.
Speaker 1: I mean you just like you have aggressive hands. Like
Speaker 1: when you waxed me that one I'll never forget. I
Speaker 1: was like it was eight years eight years ago. You
Speaker 1: even bruised your friend Shawnie's back with your hands. Those
Speaker 1: hands are aggressive.
Speaker 4: You weren't even there. Yeah, it's getting gossip for I
Speaker 4: get eleven year old when you climbed up on me
Speaker 4: and Coachella that one time.
Speaker 7: We were in a fight.
Speaker 1: Oh, speaking of which, congratulations we're going to Coachella next year.
Speaker 1: If you understanding good terms, you gotta keep watching, because
Speaker 1: if you haven't tuned in, I want to encourage you
Speaker 1: right now to go back and listen to our epic
Speaker 1: Momchella episodes. They're epic, and there's one coming up in
Speaker 1: about eight months.
Speaker 7: Okay, it's gonna be fast. It's gonna be here tomorrow.
Speaker 1: So and I think I need it. I need a
Speaker 1: mom Cella episode. I need to do Molly and alcohol.
Speaker 4: Should just say when we take an ecstasy and mushrooms
Speaker 4: at one time.
Speaker 1: Maybe we needed to read you know what, I would
Speaker 1: like to read that, but.
Speaker 4: That sounds crazy with golf carts involved and a driver
Speaker 4: like a caddie. Yeah okay, yeah maybe then because that
Speaker 4: would be we need caretaking. We need we need caretakers.
Speaker 4: We do need caretakers. That's what rich people have to do, right,
Speaker 4: I mean that's the staff of.
Speaker 1: One of my investments. When I really hit it.
Speaker 7: When you go rock star mode.
Speaker 4: But if she will to light candles in my house
Speaker 4: at night, upon bring me any food, any juice, the
Speaker 4: come down like massage, steam rooms, Yeah, and caretakers.
Speaker 7: What do you need?
Speaker 1: Like not just like assistance, I mean like caretaker. I
Speaker 1: don't want you to interfere much like to stand from
Speaker 1: afar like thirty feet away. Maybe I don't want to
Speaker 1: see you, but like anytime to be like if you
Speaker 1: see about to pass out, you come in and you
Speaker 1: Is that the entourage? Is that?
Speaker 4: What was the White Rappers and ge is like basically
Speaker 4: caretaking because they'd be fucking honey, then you gotta go.
Speaker 1: We do definitely. I think they're waiting for us, whereas
Speaker 1: everybody I think you're still on Yoka okay.
Speaker 4: Anyway, uh, being aware, intuitive woman that listens to herself,
Speaker 4: it's powerful. Doing it together is really really powerful, supercharged, supercharged.
Speaker 7: It's not always easy, but it's powerful. And that's it.
Speaker 1: That's all I got, Felks, that's it. I'm excited to
Speaker 1: supercharge my powers within women here. If you want to
Speaker 1: supercharge your powers, make sure you check out the Goodbye Retreat,
Speaker 1: follow the retreat, join the newsletter so you know when
Speaker 1: our twenty twenty seven retreats are dropping.
Speaker 7: And if you.
Speaker 1: Loved this episode, please give us a little heart. I
Speaker 1: cried you please you could do is fucking subscribe.
Speaker 7: Basically, we do this for free.
Speaker 1: We have a huge word in the middle of a
Speaker 1: retree right now and this is literally free all and
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Speaker 1: good shit. And so if you want to just you know,
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Speaker 1: So go to go to patreon dot com slash Good Moms,
Speaker 1: Bad Choices. Ten dollars a month. You get all of
Speaker 1: our episodes early. You get access to our discord community,
Speaker 1: which really means you get to be in deep conversation
Speaker 1: with us all the time in real time with our community.
Speaker 4: I know, last night I was talking to someone and
Speaker 4: she was like, I was, you know, talking about at dinner.
Speaker 4: She's like, you don't understand, Like I've never seen women
Speaker 4: be so free and honest. No, she's like just about everything,
Speaker 4: and it's it's medicine. And she was like, and listen
Speaker 4: to you when I run in my ears, and I'm like,
Speaker 4: she's damn, I'm whispering in your ear in the morning.
Speaker 1: She said the same thing, but she also said specifically
Speaker 1: about such sex. Oh yeah, And I thought how powerful
Speaker 1: that that is that we that we get to do that.
Speaker 1: And I thought about even how probably more honest I
Speaker 1: could be, and just like, wow, this is If this
Speaker 1: is powerful, then I have more there? Should I? Just
Speaker 1: I even still in this they still repress and obviously
Speaker 1: even as a Scorpio, and I like, I feel safe
Speaker 1: keeping certain things to myself, but I just want to
Speaker 1: push myself in this next chapter to just be even
Speaker 1: more honest with you guys and and with myself, because
Speaker 1: I don't take the space for granted. I know that
Speaker 1: this space is medicine, and when I'm away from it
Speaker 1: too long. Even though we've been avoiding this episode, all
Speaker 1: month for whatever reason, Like I'm I'm so happy that
Speaker 1: we're here having it and I get to do this
Speaker 1: and hold myself accountable and hopefully hold the people listening
Speaker 1: accountable to to try to do the same. Anyway. We
Speaker 1: love you, We love you, love you, love you, love you,
Speaker 1: and we'll see you next nice