1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,880
Speaker 1: We got listening letters, y'all, love it, love it love

2
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:06,520
Speaker 1: you know, every season we have to dedicate just one

3
00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:09,360
Speaker 1: episode to getting all of me always baby.

4
00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:12,680
Speaker 2: So this is that for us today. Excited to just

5
00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:14,480
Speaker 2: dive in? Should we just start right now? Babe?

6
00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:14,960
Speaker 3: Which you think?

7
00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:19,720
Speaker 4: Well, we can start by saying dead ass? D We'll stop.

8
00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:23,040
Speaker 3: Oh that was a sound bite. Whoops, I just got

9
00:00:23,079 --> 00:00:25,680
Speaker 3: so excited I forgot about the sound bite. Do you

10
00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:26,480
Speaker 3: want to rewind that.

11
00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:30,840
Speaker 4: Dead ass? Y'all?

12
00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:36,680
Speaker 3: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm and we're the Ellis's.

13
00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:39,840
Speaker 4: You may know us from posting funny videos with our.

14
00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:44,640
Speaker 3: Boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,

15
00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:46,800
Speaker 3: I make you need therapy most days.

16
00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:47,760
Speaker 4: Wow.

17
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,520
Speaker 3: Oh and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

18
00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:51,080
Speaker 4: Yes, sir, we are.

19
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:54,440
Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

20
00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,320
Speaker 1: Li's most taboo topics.

21
00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,800
Speaker 3: Things most folks don't want to talk about.

22
00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:00,400
Speaker 4: The lens of a millennial Marria couple.

23
00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:02,640
Speaker 1: Dead ass is a term that we say every day.

24
00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:05,920
Speaker 1: So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts

25
00:01:06,319 --> 00:01:09,440
Speaker 1: one hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but

26
00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:09,920
Speaker 1: the truth.

27
00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:13,000
Speaker 4: Were about to take philos off to our whole new level.

28
00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:16,840
Speaker 3: Dead ass starts right now.

29
00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:21,360
Speaker 1: It's yeah, we can dive right in now if you

30
00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:23,280
Speaker 1: want to stay on script, because typically I'm the one

31
00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:23,880
Speaker 1: that's off script.

32
00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:25,800
Speaker 4: But you gotta and wheel me back in.

33
00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:28,360
Speaker 1: But I'm a real you back so I knows she

34
00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:30,920
Speaker 1: get She's so excited she wanted to ask questions.

35
00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:33,280
Speaker 4: No introduction, y'all. Ain't hear the theme song and nothing?

36
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:34,880
Speaker 2: No, I don't think do we don't really do a

37
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,360
Speaker 2: theme song, or we don't do storytime and all that journey.

38
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,360
Speaker 4: Not storytime, But they typically hear the sound bite then

39
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:40,000
Speaker 4: the theme song.

40
00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:42,480
Speaker 3: Oh for the show? You mean you forgot all about Yeah?

41
00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:45,840
Speaker 3: I forgot all about this. Man, I can't contain myself.

42
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:47,880
Speaker 4: Season thirteen ship, you know?

43
00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:49,840
Speaker 3: All right? Let me give it the program focus conte

44
00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:54,680
Speaker 3: even focus, Okay, all right. Number one. I'm currently going

45
00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:57,200
Speaker 3: through a miscarriage and my body has not been taking

46
00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:59,880
Speaker 3: care of fit on its own. I am so sorry.

47
00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:02,880
Speaker 3: Hear that. Been there. I understand how you feel.

48
00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:05,600
Speaker 2: The other night, I was having cramps, so I asked

49
00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:07,520
Speaker 2: my husband to cook dinner because I felt like I

50
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:11,360
Speaker 2: couldn't move. He did, but with an attitude, or what

51
00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:13,560
Speaker 2: appeared to be an attitude to me because he was

52
00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:17,079
Speaker 2: quiet and not attempting to converse with me. He's been

53
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:20,880
Speaker 2: asking me to get earthquake insurance on our home for

54
00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:23,480
Speaker 2: the past three weeks, which I haven't gotten around to.

55
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:29,280
Speaker 2: This miscarriage has been going on for three weeks. Oh goodness, hospital, Yeah,

56
00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:31,600
Speaker 2: at this point, that's three weeks.

57
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:32,440
Speaker 3: Is a long time baby.

58
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,920
Speaker 2: In the midst of eating dinner, quietly, he says, we

59
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:38,840
Speaker 2: still don't have earthquake insurance. I stayed quiet because I

60
00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:40,680
Speaker 2: was annoyed that he brought it up, knowing that I

61
00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:43,240
Speaker 2: was in pain at the moment. He also wanted to

62
00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:45,880
Speaker 2: deep clean the house all week, which again neither of

63
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:49,919
Speaker 2: us got around to. After the earthquake insurance comment, he says,

64
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,960
Speaker 2: when are we gonna clean? I then said I'm in

65
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:55,600
Speaker 2: pain right now and cannot physically move. He goes to

66
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:58,280
Speaker 2: our bedroom and lays down in bed. It gets closer

67
00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:00,600
Speaker 2: to the kids' bedtime, and I felt the urge to

68
00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:03,160
Speaker 2: use the restroom on the toilet. I started bleeding a lot,

69
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:06,520
Speaker 2: and I asked my toddler to get his dad. He

70
00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:09,880
Speaker 2: doesn't come after what felt like ten minutes, but maybe

71
00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:12,560
Speaker 2: it was five, so I get up still bleeding, and

72
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:14,239
Speaker 2: see him laughing at videos on ig.

73
00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:15,520
Speaker 3: I got pissed.

74
00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:19,040
Speaker 2: I said, do I need to put the kids to bed,

75
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,560
Speaker 2: hoping that he would offer to put them to bed,

76
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,480
Speaker 2: but instead he then says, yeah, go ahead.

77
00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:24,880
Speaker 3: Then I see red.

78
00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:27,480
Speaker 2: I don't remember the sequence of events, I said, but

79
00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:29,920
Speaker 2: I remember saying, you're really not going to help me

80
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,720
Speaker 2: right now. You're being an asshole. You lack we know

81
00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:34,840
Speaker 2: about the asshole when it's a trigger word over here, y'all.

82
00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:38,280
Speaker 2: You lack empathy. You're the worst partner. He said, go

83
00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:41,920
Speaker 2: find someone else then, which got me even more pissed.

84
00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:45,080
Speaker 2: I said other things I don't remember. I even said,

85
00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:47,320
Speaker 2: you want me to clean? Okay, sure, let's get all

86
00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:50,680
Speaker 2: this blow off the fucking floor, man, I went in.

87
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,680
Speaker 2: I'm missing a ton of other comments, but that's the

88
00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:55,280
Speaker 2: general gist of how the argument went.

89
00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:56,240
Speaker 3: I was heated.

90
00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:58,360
Speaker 2: I ended up putting the kids down to bed, all

91
00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:01,440
Speaker 2: three by myself that and went to the bed pissed.

92
00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:04,120
Speaker 2: Neither of us talked to each other the next day.

93
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:07,080
Speaker 2: He asked if I'm going to apologize. I apologized for

94
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:10,040
Speaker 2: being emotional, but he says, I need to apologize for

95
00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:13,000
Speaker 2: only thinking about my emotions and not his. He said

96
00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:14,960
Speaker 2: that he felt like he was taking care of everything

97
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:16,920
Speaker 2: in the house and the kids for the past month

98
00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:19,839
Speaker 2: and he needed a break. We squashed it, But my

99
00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:23,479
Speaker 2: question is how do you navigate emotions when both emotions

100
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:27,120
Speaker 2: are high. He didn't take the miscarriage news too lightly,

101
00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:31,040
Speaker 2: but also tends to hide his emotions. He spoke briefly

102
00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:34,840
Speaker 2: about it and how it fucked him up. But I'm

103
00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:37,760
Speaker 2: going through both the physical and the mental part of it.

104
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,120
Speaker 2: Is it my responsibility to stop and think about what

105
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:43,719
Speaker 2: he's going through? Mid cramps and bleeding. Likely if I

106
00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:46,320
Speaker 2: hadn't told him off, he would have helped me and

107
00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,680
Speaker 2: checked on me. But I feel like I needed him

108
00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:52,080
Speaker 2: in that moment. How do I prioritize feelings in situations

109
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:52,320
Speaker 2: like this?

110
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:52,880
Speaker 3: Side note?

111
00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,800
Speaker 2: The doctor prescribed me medication to clear everything out, which

112
00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:57,840
Speaker 2: I'll be taking this weekend, so I'm taking care of

113
00:04:57,920 --> 00:04:59,800
Speaker 2: my health. But I really was hoping my body would

114
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:04,080
Speaker 2: clear out on its own. Yeah. Thanks again for all

115
00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:07,000
Speaker 2: you do. I'm still sending friends your podcast because I

116
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,840
Speaker 2: do think you're helping so many people out there by

117
00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:11,559
Speaker 2: sharing your experiences. Thank you so much for that sis.

118
00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:15,000
Speaker 2: First off, I am so sorry to hear about the miscarriage.

119
00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:20,760
Speaker 2: Every baby, every miscarriage is it affects people, regardless if

120
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:24,760
Speaker 2: you have children already or not. Every pregnancy, every child

121
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:27,640
Speaker 2: is a blessing. So I understand the hurt and having

122
00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:30,520
Speaker 2: to juggle the physical and mental in that space.

123
00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:31,599
Speaker 3: But it's funny.

124
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:35,320
Speaker 2: As I'm reading this, I was wondering if that was

125
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:37,440
Speaker 2: his way of dealing with the hurt that he might

126
00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:40,799
Speaker 2: have been feeling while she was going through the miscarriage.

127
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,160
Speaker 2: Maybe not dealing with it, avoiding it by talking about

128
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:46,000
Speaker 2: the earthquake, insurance and decleaning the house was his way

129
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:48,120
Speaker 2: of avoiding the hurt that he might have been feeling.

130
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:50,080
Speaker 4: The first thing I do that.

131
00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:53,039
Speaker 1: The first thing I felt was they probably haven't even

132
00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:56,080
Speaker 1: discussed the loss. They just tried to keep moving forward,

133
00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:58,560
Speaker 1: and in them both trying to just keep moving forward,

134
00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:01,719
Speaker 1: neither one of them to the other one into account. Yeah,

135
00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:06,400
Speaker 1: how much pain and hurt, both emotionally and physically. Yeah,

136
00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,520
Speaker 1: they were both going through. And I think ultimately that's

137
00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:10,799
Speaker 1: the bigger thing here. I think everything else that happened

138
00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:12,640
Speaker 1: was a byproduct of that.

139
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:13,960
Speaker 3: That particularly, they would.

140
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,840
Speaker 1: Have spoke and talked about how they felt with the miscarriage,

141
00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:18,400
Speaker 1: I would even have gotten to.

142
00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:21,760
Speaker 2: That point, yeah, because I remember when we had our

143
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:25,440
Speaker 2: miscarriage back in California. You actually weren't even physically there

144
00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:28,120
Speaker 2: when it was all happening. You had to leave to film,

145
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:31,719
Speaker 2: and I know how much it hurt you well a

146
00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:34,200
Speaker 2: not being able to be there for me physically in

147
00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:37,400
Speaker 2: that moment because you had to work, but also to

148
00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:39,880
Speaker 2: empathizing with the fact that I did have the other

149
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:44,240
Speaker 2: three children at home, and after facetiming you and you

150
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:46,719
Speaker 2: can see which was pretty much like the massacre in

151
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:48,960
Speaker 2: the bathroom that took place, and then knowing that like

152
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:51,599
Speaker 2: the kids were knocking on the door right outside of it,

153
00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:54,279
Speaker 2: and I being emotional in that moment and in pain,

154
00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:57,160
Speaker 2: then just had to kind of pick up the pieces

155
00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:00,960
Speaker 2: and present to be mother's his mom is good, everything

156
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:04,200
Speaker 2: is like normal, you know, and continue on with my day.

157
00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:06,760
Speaker 1: I just I just want to point out that in

158
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,360
Speaker 1: that moment when you describe having to pick up the

159
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:12,480
Speaker 1: pieces and continue on, that's something men have to do

160
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:15,400
Speaker 1: all the time, and I think that people don't realize

161
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,760
Speaker 1: that since we do it all the time, sometimes it

162
00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:20,880
Speaker 1: eats it us and we often don't get And then

163
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,840
Speaker 1: when I say we, I'm not talking about every man,

164
00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:24,840
Speaker 1: because every man doesn't have the capability to do that.

165
00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:27,640
Speaker 1: But I'm talking about a man who is there for

166
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,680
Speaker 1: their family. Even when you had your miscarriage, I remember

167
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:33,560
Speaker 1: there being months when people knew that you were no

168
00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,760
Speaker 1: longer pregnant. No one asked me how I felt about

169
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:38,520
Speaker 1: losing a child. There was a housecadeen Everyone rushed to you,

170
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,880
Speaker 1: and I was left to just trying to figure it

171
00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:43,920
Speaker 1: out on my own. And that's not excusing his behavior

172
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:44,360
Speaker 1: when you're.

173
00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:46,240
Speaker 2: Siking it out together, you and I, but just you

174
00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:48,720
Speaker 2: mean like the general public of like family and friends

175
00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:49,480
Speaker 2: who knew type of thing.

176
00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:50,320
Speaker 4: Yeah? No, Yeah.

177
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:54,320
Speaker 1: What I'm saying is is in situations like these, oftentimes

178
00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:58,320
Speaker 1: everyone runs to the woman's game. When a woman is pregnant, it's,

179
00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:00,520
Speaker 1: oh my god, make sure she's good. When a woman

180
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:03,000
Speaker 1: has a baby, they don't realize. And the other day

181
00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:05,480
Speaker 1: at the live show, when we asked her, you know,

182
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:08,640
Speaker 1: how are you guys doing with sleep deprivation, she said,

183
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:10,640
Speaker 1: he's tired too, because he gets up with me.

184
00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:13,960
Speaker 4: But I remember going through that, no one ever saying.

185
00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:16,200
Speaker 1: To me, hey, Diva, do you need a rest because

186
00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:18,560
Speaker 1: when you woke up, I woke up and I would help,

187
00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:20,640
Speaker 1: but it was always Kadeen gets rest, a vou do this?

188
00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:24,760
Speaker 1: And it's like, how often do men get to say,

189
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,360
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm a little bit tired or I'm

190
00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:28,560
Speaker 1: a little bit emotional And when we don't get that,

191
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:29,440
Speaker 1: sometimes we break.

192
00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:31,080
Speaker 4: And it seems like he was having a break.

193
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:32,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, he probably was.

194
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:34,479
Speaker 4: Dealing with that, and he was using.

195
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,720
Speaker 1: The earth break insurance and cleaning as a way to

196
00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:40,840
Speaker 1: get attention to talk about something, and he wasn't getting

197
00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,720
Speaker 1: the response he expected, which was immature, Like you can't

198
00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:46,200
Speaker 1: just use that, just open up and say it. But

199
00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:48,440
Speaker 1: I think they both were being immature and the fact

200
00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:51,080
Speaker 1: that neither one of them were considering the other party.

201
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,040
Speaker 1: And as a man, I will say this when it

202
00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:56,720
Speaker 1: comes to things like miscarriages and pregnancies, I always say

203
00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:58,480
Speaker 1: and this just works for me. I'm not saying every

204
00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:01,280
Speaker 1: man has to be that, but I say I will

205
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:03,760
Speaker 1: take that on the chin because I physically don't have

206
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:06,120
Speaker 1: to go through that, right I don't. I don't have

207
00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:07,960
Speaker 1: to physically go through that. So when it comes time

208
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:11,200
Speaker 1: to say who should we check on first, it should

209
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:13,600
Speaker 1: be your woman, right, like they're the one who physically

210
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:16,200
Speaker 1: have to walk around and deal with all the repercussions, so.

211
00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:19,480
Speaker 2: Right, but also too like men in that situation too

212
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:22,440
Speaker 2: shouldn't be disregarded either, especially when us as women are

213
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:25,360
Speaker 2: always craving and asking for men to communicate and tell

214
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,440
Speaker 2: us how you feel and all that we can't then

215
00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:29,920
Speaker 2: shame you for the way you may be reacting because

216
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:33,000
Speaker 2: your emotions are also on a high. So typically when

217
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:36,920
Speaker 2: emotions are high, that what happens or lash out, and

218
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,480
Speaker 2: it was probably a compilation of things that was happening

219
00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:42,160
Speaker 2: over the course of those three weeks. You know, there's

220
00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:43,960
Speaker 2: the joy of finding out about the baby, that's an

221
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,360
Speaker 2: ultimate high, and then there's the lull of like, Okay,

222
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:49,120
Speaker 2: this doesn't seem like a normal pregnancy, and it's like, okay,

223
00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:51,120
Speaker 2: how do I now deflect or just try not to

224
00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:53,800
Speaker 2: deal with this in the moment, because he might have

225
00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:55,720
Speaker 2: been thinking, you know what, I'm going to talk about

226
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,720
Speaker 2: everything else because I don't want her to.

227
00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:00,719
Speaker 3: Have to, you know, deal with Yeah, the emotion too.

228
00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:02,480
Speaker 2: Maybe if I just deflect from it and act like

229
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:05,480
Speaker 2: it's not happening, then you know, things will be okay.

230
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,400
Speaker 2: So yeah, when the emotions are high deval and I

231
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:10,360
Speaker 2: usually try to kind of we do a good job.

232
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,640
Speaker 2: I think in general, when emotions are high. Because that

233
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:16,920
Speaker 2: was her overarching question, one person is usually the one

234
00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:19,839
Speaker 2: to be like, listen, yeah, let's let's bring it back.

235
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,240
Speaker 4: Let's bring it back. Let's let's bring it back.

236
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:24,760
Speaker 2: Let's bring it And it starts with the tone, you know,

237
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:26,800
Speaker 2: because I know sometimes you tell me I get a

238
00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:30,040
Speaker 2: little you know, elevated in my tone or the way

239
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:32,400
Speaker 2: I speak is more forceful, and it may not even

240
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:33,600
Speaker 2: be one purpose.

241
00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:36,160
Speaker 1: Can I ask a question too, as as a woman,

242
00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,439
Speaker 1: because if I have an attitude?

243
00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:40,480
Speaker 4: For example, she said.

244
00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:44,079
Speaker 1: He got quiet, so he had an attitude. She didn't

245
00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,560
Speaker 1: like the fact that he had an attitude. Right, I

246
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:48,720
Speaker 1: want to just put this out there. Understand the fact

247
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:50,680
Speaker 1: that when we get tired sometimes, yes, we may have

248
00:10:50,679 --> 00:10:54,559
Speaker 1: an attitude. And y'all can recognize when we have an attitude. Right,

249
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:56,640
Speaker 1: you always say I can recognize we have an attitude. Yes,

250
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,280
Speaker 1: I asked, how come when we try to point out

251
00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,640
Speaker 1: to y'all that y'all have an attitude, the response is,

252
00:11:01,679 --> 00:11:04,079
Speaker 1: I don't have an attitude, So it's like you think

253
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,360
Speaker 1: you're the only one that can tell when I have

254
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:05,880
Speaker 1: an attitude.

255
00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:07,640
Speaker 4: I can tell when you have an attitude, right.

256
00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:09,720
Speaker 1: And then the response after that is sometimes you know

257
00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:12,160
Speaker 1: you're having your period and like I'm going through something,

258
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,959
Speaker 1: deviout and it's like, okay, so you're allowed to be emotional,

259
00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:18,000
Speaker 1: give me an attitude, and I'm supposed to deal with it,

260
00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:19,959
Speaker 1: a lot of times for men, it's like when is

261
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,439
Speaker 1: it my moment? Because y'all get at least four or

262
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:24,319
Speaker 1: five days a month where you get to say whatever

263
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:26,400
Speaker 1: you want to say to us, do whatever you want

264
00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:28,000
Speaker 1: to do to us, and we have to accept it

265
00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:29,280
Speaker 1: because you're going through something.

266
00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:30,920
Speaker 4: When is it our return?

267
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,320
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't think there's an excuse.

268
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:35,320
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't try to rely on my ministry

269
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:38,200
Speaker 2: cycle as like a green light to disrespect to you.

270
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:39,360
Speaker 3: I don't think that that's fair.

271
00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:42,559
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about you in particular, you're saying in general.

272
00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:44,600
Speaker 1: When you think about some of these arguments, like even

273
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,240
Speaker 1: when she said, you know I'm going through something, I

274
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,720
Speaker 1: might have said some things, but I'm emotional, it's almost

275
00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:52,319
Speaker 1: as if I was emotional in a moment, it's okay because.

276
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:52,640
Speaker 4: I'm a woman.

277
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,840
Speaker 3: No, I think it will acknowledge at what.

278
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:57,160
Speaker 1: Point does a man have that because she said he

279
00:11:57,200 --> 00:12:00,280
Speaker 1: didn't speak to me and said he was disrespectful, right,

280
00:12:00,559 --> 00:12:02,360
Speaker 1: so maybe he's going through something emotional.

281
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,040
Speaker 4: Right when do we get the grace?

282
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,560
Speaker 3: I hear you that you require you, right, No, I

283
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:06,920
Speaker 3: hear you.

284
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,920
Speaker 2: I think that this is something that we've learned over

285
00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:11,079
Speaker 2: the years because I was never always like that. You

286
00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:13,040
Speaker 2: would tell me I have an attitude, and I'm thinking

287
00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:15,840
Speaker 2: I'm doing a good job of containing my attitude and

288
00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:17,920
Speaker 2: trying to say, you know what, I know that, like,

289
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,520
Speaker 2: you're not the kind of man that I could talk

290
00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:21,600
Speaker 2: to any kind of way, because that will be quick

291
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:22,840
Speaker 2: to be like, who the fuck are you talking to?

292
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,839
Speaker 4: And you the same way. You know, I'm not going

293
00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:26,319
Speaker 4: to take that.

294
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:27,319
Speaker 3: He's not going to take that.

295
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:29,920
Speaker 2: And I wasn't like that always, but I've become that

296
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,439
Speaker 2: person now too, like you're not going to talk me

297
00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:33,320
Speaker 2: to talk to me any kind of way either. So

298
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:37,800
Speaker 2: I think knowing that at the root of whatever disagreement

299
00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:40,319
Speaker 2: is there still has to be a mutual respect. Yes,

300
00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:42,920
Speaker 2: that's really how we lead when it comes to those

301
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:46,920
Speaker 2: high emotion situations. We're not in this moment going to

302
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:50,440
Speaker 2: be disrespectful. We're going to literally try to like, if

303
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:52,520
Speaker 2: you genuinely want to know what's wrong with your partner,

304
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,160
Speaker 2: maybe lead was a little bit more love and say babe,

305
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,240
Speaker 2: I understand. So, for example, with her, when she realized

306
00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:00,480
Speaker 2: he got quiet, like, Babe, you know this is really

307
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,000
Speaker 2: physically difficult on me right now. I know this may

308
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,880
Speaker 2: be emotionally difficult for you. And if you're really I

309
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:07,880
Speaker 2: don't know if you got quiet when I asked about dinner,

310
00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:10,440
Speaker 2: how about we just not do dinner. You don't cook,

311
00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:13,640
Speaker 2: let's order out. Let's do something that will take a

312
00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,280
Speaker 2: little bit off of your plate in my plate too,

313
00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:17,760
Speaker 2: so we can both be there for each other.

314
00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:18,320
Speaker 3: In this moment.

315
00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:19,920
Speaker 2: I feel you know what I'm saying, Like that might

316
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:21,760
Speaker 2: have been a way to pivot in that situation, to

317
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:25,120
Speaker 2: ask to avoid the escalation of emotion.

318
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:29,040
Speaker 1: My ultimate point is as humans, we can never use

319
00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:32,120
Speaker 1: our emotions as a reason to disrespect somebody, especially if

320
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:35,040
Speaker 1: somebody we love. And a lot of times when we

321
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:38,600
Speaker 1: hear these things, it's like, as a man, you're supposed

322
00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:41,480
Speaker 1: to understand that she's a woman and she's emotional, or

323
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:44,160
Speaker 1: she's going through something physically with her body, which allows

324
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:46,559
Speaker 1: her to be emotional, which allows her to disrespect.

325
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:49,520
Speaker 4: That's not acceptable, you know what I'm saying. And I

326
00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:49,960
Speaker 4: think we.

327
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:53,240
Speaker 1: All as people have to realize that because even if

328
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:56,280
Speaker 1: you're emotional as a man because you lost a child, right,

329
00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:59,360
Speaker 1: that doesn't give you the right to be emotionally abusive

330
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:00,520
Speaker 1: to your wife, right.

331
00:14:00,679 --> 00:14:01,360
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying.

332
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:03,600
Speaker 1: And I think as people we all have to realize

333
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,360
Speaker 1: we're all going to constantly go through stuff, right, Asking

334
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:10,640
Speaker 1: your partner to always subdue their feelings or their thoughts

335
00:14:10,679 --> 00:14:12,600
Speaker 1: when being disrespected is unfair.

336
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,440
Speaker 4: There should never be a point in any.

337
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:18,079
Speaker 1: Relationship where you should be okay disrespecting your partner. I

338
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:20,360
Speaker 1: don't care what you're going through, and that's from both sides.

339
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,200
Speaker 1: And that's my point is that we have to get

340
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:24,160
Speaker 1: past that because if we don't get past it, we're

341
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:24,880
Speaker 1: going to always end.

342
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,040
Speaker 4: Up in this site there's no resolve.

343
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:30,120
Speaker 2: Is exhausting, you know, yeah, it really is exhausting. So

344
00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:32,080
Speaker 2: I hope you guys have found a way. I'm happy

345
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,400
Speaker 2: that you were able to get to the doctor for

346
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:36,520
Speaker 2: medication all that. That will definitely help, because I also

347
00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:39,240
Speaker 2: know what it feels like when your emotions your hormones

348
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:42,800
Speaker 2: spike because you're like pregnant, and it's like overdriving your body,

349
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,680
Speaker 2: and then it's a crash because you're not. Like it's

350
00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:49,160
Speaker 2: literally a big emotional and hormonal issue when you go

351
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,320
Speaker 2: from being pregnant so drastically to not being pregnant drastically.

352
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:54,640
Speaker 2: So all the best to you and your family. I

353
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:57,360
Speaker 2: hope that you and your husband can find better ways

354
00:14:57,400 --> 00:15:00,120
Speaker 2: to respectfully communicate how you feel and what you need,

355
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:03,640
Speaker 2: especially in moments of crisis like this. Oh so that

356
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:07,040
Speaker 2: was a pretty loaded, heavy listening letter, So let's take

357
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,920
Speaker 2: a quick break and we're going to get into more

358
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,560
Speaker 2: listening letters after we pay some bills, so stick around.

359
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:16,080
Speaker 4: So we're back.

360
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:18,960
Speaker 1: Number two, my favorite number in the world because I'm

361
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:19,800
Speaker 1: born April second.

362
00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:21,240
Speaker 4: Dear de Valan Kadeen.

363
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,160
Speaker 1: I love the show and the level headed insight you

364
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,600
Speaker 1: both bring to everything that could should and would your

365
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:26,720
Speaker 1: inspiring marriage.

366
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,960
Speaker 4: Thanks for being inspiration. We appreciate you.

367
00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:32,040
Speaker 1: My husband and I have been married for seven wonderful

368
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:33,720
Speaker 1: years and have two beautiful kids.

369
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:38,120
Speaker 4: Congrats. I was blessed to be SAHM for years.

370
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:39,120
Speaker 3: Stay at home mom.

371
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:42,560
Speaker 1: Oh, stay at home mom for years. Hey, that's good.

372
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:44,560
Speaker 1: You pick that up quick man. You like these young

373
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:47,200
Speaker 1: kids with these acronyms.

374
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,160
Speaker 2: Being a mom too, I'm like, I'm familiar with it

375
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,400
Speaker 2: and seeing like mom pages and.

376
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:52,680
Speaker 1: Stuff that I follow. Yeah cool, I had no I'm

377
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:55,120
Speaker 1: like an says, I'm like what s and M, what

378
00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:59,320
Speaker 1: is happening here? I was blessed to be at SAHM

379
00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:02,760
Speaker 1: for years to the provision of my husband. But the

380
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:06,640
Speaker 1: older the kids get, the fatter the account needs to be,

381
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:09,080
Speaker 1: and I want to contribute to their futures in our

382
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:11,480
Speaker 1: current lives. Not to mention, mama got a taste of

383
00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:14,560
Speaker 1: a steady check for the seasonal for the seasonal timeframe,

384
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:17,160
Speaker 1: and I'm ready to be on someone's payroll again. I

385
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,800
Speaker 1: brought up the idea to my husband of working overnight

386
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,760
Speaker 1: because growing up, my siblings and I were latch key kids,

387
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,120
Speaker 1: and like Deval, I know it's important for me to

388
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,440
Speaker 1: at least have one parent to be home to receive

389
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:30,840
Speaker 1: the children. Plus there are only eight and five since

390
00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:35,360
Speaker 1: we live. Since we live a literal thousand miles from

391
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,840
Speaker 1: our respective families, oh wow, we have no extra help

392
00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:40,400
Speaker 1: or family childcare and it doesn't help. But every time

393
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,880
Speaker 1: I consider finding a sitter I run up on an

394
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,160
Speaker 1: article about someone harming a child, so I debt it,

395
00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:48,360
Speaker 1: and I debt it all then and there. I'm also

396
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,880
Speaker 1: overcoming anxiety, little by little. That's a lot, but I

397
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:53,800
Speaker 1: get it. Being away from all your family thousand miles

398
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:55,720
Speaker 1: will give you anxiety with two kids, yes, the fact

399
00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:58,280
Speaker 1: needless to say, I'm writing because my husband shot that

400
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,120
Speaker 1: idea of overnight work down because he wants me home

401
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,880
Speaker 1: and safe at night and is not budging on his

402
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:05,200
Speaker 1: displeasure and disapproval.

403
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:07,720
Speaker 4: He would much rather me work a day job.

404
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:10,520
Speaker 1: I'm a dental assistant by trade, but I haven't done

405
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:12,920
Speaker 1: it for years, nor do I want to do that again,

406
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,160
Speaker 1: going back to a nine to five with me paying

407
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,960
Speaker 1: a sitter and after school program and giving us, namely me,

408
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:21,040
Speaker 1: very little daytime with them. How can I get him

409
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:24,000
Speaker 1: to see the better points on what I view as

410
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:28,040
Speaker 1: the most financially beneficial work solution without causing tension between us.

411
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:30,360
Speaker 1: I appreciate any input and blessings.

412
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:30,360
Speaker 4: To you all.

413
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,560
Speaker 3: Why overnight work though? She said overnight work and she

414
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:35,280
Speaker 3: wanted to be home with the kids, got you?

415
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,120
Speaker 2: But then where's she going to be when? I mean,

416
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:38,919
Speaker 2: I can just think of you working overnight on me

417
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:39,760
Speaker 2: working overnight in that.

418
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:42,439
Speaker 1: Empty bed, Like once again, her focus is on her

419
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:46,880
Speaker 1: kids and her husband, and we always say this children first.

420
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:49,679
Speaker 1: So you're trying to curate your whole entire life around

421
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:52,479
Speaker 1: your kids for the kids, and not including yourself or

422
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:55,720
Speaker 1: your husband, because working overnight is a challenge and I

423
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,760
Speaker 1: would not want my wife working overnight neither. Now I'm

424
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:01,240
Speaker 1: not saying that you have to listen to what your

425
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:03,680
Speaker 1: husband's saying, but she also pointed out, how can I

426
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:05,280
Speaker 1: get him to realize the better points?

427
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:06,040
Speaker 4: Miss?

428
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,000
Speaker 1: How come you not realizing the better points of you

429
00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:10,480
Speaker 1: not working at night? Why are you ignoring those better

430
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:13,399
Speaker 1: points and only want him to consider your perspective?

431
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:14,960
Speaker 2: I think because she said she got a dose of

432
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,239
Speaker 2: what it's like to have a paycheck again. Yeah, and

433
00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:20,680
Speaker 2: I hear from stay at home moms and having been

434
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:24,840
Speaker 2: one for a while too, how guess fulfilling that is

435
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:26,960
Speaker 2: in that moment, but also to your feeling like it's

436
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,640
Speaker 2: a detriment to yourself. You know, you want to be

437
00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:32,720
Speaker 2: acclimated in a world where you can have adult conversation

438
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,560
Speaker 2: and you can have your own paycheck, and you know,

439
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:38,240
Speaker 2: so some things also too, or seasonal, Like we've said before,

440
00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:40,639
Speaker 2: like maybe the season is for you to be to

441
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:42,480
Speaker 2: stay at home mom now because you don't have the

442
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:46,000
Speaker 2: extra assistance from friends and family because you're so far

443
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,639
Speaker 2: away from them. And your husband may also too, Like

444
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:51,280
Speaker 2: sometimes you have to understand that whether it's the husband

445
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,080
Speaker 2: or the wife, or the wife and the wife or

446
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:57,880
Speaker 2: husband husband, however your makeup is one person typically knows

447
00:18:57,920 --> 00:18:59,760
Speaker 2: who if that's your person, knows what you can and

448
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:02,399
Speaker 2: can't deal with. There's been ideas that I've come to

449
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:05,240
Speaker 2: Deval with and vice versa that I'd say, you know, Babe,

450
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:06,840
Speaker 2: I think I want to do this, and Deva would

451
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:10,119
Speaker 2: be like, hey, do you really think that that's something.

452
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:11,719
Speaker 3: You want to do? Like where did you come up

453
00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:11,959
Speaker 3: with this?

454
00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:14,200
Speaker 2: And I'm like, damn, I didn't really think that out

455
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:16,200
Speaker 2: and think about all of the pros and the cons, right,

456
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,720
Speaker 2: But you're just so excited in that moment about what's happening,

457
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,520
Speaker 2: and you're just like I want to do this, like Babe,

458
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:23,080
Speaker 2: let's make it happen, and you don't really think through

459
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:26,320
Speaker 2: the pros and cons of that particular move and what

460
00:19:26,359 --> 00:19:28,879
Speaker 2: it would mean for you and your relationship and your

461
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,720
Speaker 2: children and your family and your health. Like working overnight,

462
00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:35,920
Speaker 2: think about you want to be present for your kids

463
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:36,480
Speaker 2: during the day.

464
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:38,479
Speaker 1: That just means you'll probably get up with them for school,

465
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,240
Speaker 1: you know, get some stuff done during the day or

466
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,280
Speaker 1: taken well, maybe taking that. But then you want to

467
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:45,880
Speaker 1: be there from when they get ready for school. I'm

468
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,040
Speaker 1: gonna get back from school. So now you're there when

469
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:49,440
Speaker 1: they get back from school and you want to spend

470
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,280
Speaker 1: time with them, but now you got to go to work.

471
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:53,800
Speaker 1: How long you think you can finish that rat race

472
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:56,760
Speaker 1: of being up all day before you lose your mind?

473
00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:58,719
Speaker 3: Like right, and you have in facted in your husband

474
00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:00,760
Speaker 3: and time with him, So you.

475
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:01,840
Speaker 4: Just want your husband.

476
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:03,720
Speaker 1: Y're going to be like two ships passing in the night.

477
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,720
Speaker 1: He's working in a day, you working at night, you

478
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,000
Speaker 1: dealing with the kids during the day. You're going to

479
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,000
Speaker 1: be exhausted. When are y'all going to have time to

480
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:14,080
Speaker 1: work on each other? Because this relationship is what created

481
00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:16,760
Speaker 1: this lifestyle anyway, So if you don't continue to forster

482
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,080
Speaker 1: and build this relationship, everything can fall apart.

483
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:22,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, seven wonderful years, two beautiful kids. It's like, yeah,

484
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:24,600
Speaker 2: do you really like throw this wrench into the plan? To,

485
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:28,560
Speaker 2: you know, it is the positive going to be worth

486
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:30,840
Speaker 2: the potential negative.

487
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,919
Speaker 1: I will say this, though, you don't have to just

488
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,280
Speaker 1: go back to work to get a steady paycheck.

489
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:38,280
Speaker 4: There's so many different.

490
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:42,520
Speaker 1: Ways that you can earn money nowadays, especially consistent paychecks.

491
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:45,800
Speaker 3: You know, ever since unless you just want to get out,

492
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:46,840
Speaker 3: what do you think.

493
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:50,560
Speaker 1: Ever since the pandemic, we've learned that you don't have

494
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:53,679
Speaker 1: to go into the office. There's so many jobs creative

495
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,440
Speaker 1: for people to live at home. My input would be,

496
00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:58,520
Speaker 1: how about you try to do something during the day

497
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:02,399
Speaker 1: while you're at home so that it makes some extra money,

498
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:06,080
Speaker 1: so that you can still be a present parent, a

499
00:21:06,119 --> 00:21:09,159
Speaker 1: present wife, but make your own money. Cay and I

500
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,800
Speaker 1: curated our life that way. Neither one of us wanted

501
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:13,600
Speaker 1: to always be away from the kids or be away

502
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,600
Speaker 1: from each other, so we found other ways to earn

503
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,280
Speaker 1: income without being a detriment to our family. And I

504
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:19,760
Speaker 1: think that's the biggest thing. And I don't think it

505
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,800
Speaker 1: only falls on her. I think it can fall on

506
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:22,360
Speaker 1: both of them.

507
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:26,200
Speaker 2: You know, well, I'm wondering too, what's the bigger desire?

508
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,800
Speaker 2: Is the bigger desire to have the paycheck or to

509
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:31,200
Speaker 2: be out of the house because she's just being a

510
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:32,879
Speaker 2: stay at home mom if she's home all day and

511
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:35,440
Speaker 2: that's like her kind of quote unquote work quarters.

512
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:36,400
Speaker 3: Is it that she.

513
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:39,200
Speaker 2: Wants to be out, change of scene or reconverse with adults,

514
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,840
Speaker 2: like be somewhere other than home, or is it that

515
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:44,159
Speaker 2: you just like to have extra cash, because in that instance,

516
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,359
Speaker 2: what you said, babe would make sense. Try to figure

517
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:48,080
Speaker 2: out something that you could do at your leisure at

518
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:50,439
Speaker 2: home that can still give you the opportunity to be

519
00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:52,960
Speaker 2: with the children, be with hubby, be at their disposal

520
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,159
Speaker 2: as they need. It won't exhaust you. Or is it

521
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:58,120
Speaker 2: that you're just craving interaction outside of your home from just.

522
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:01,680
Speaker 1: That's that's a valid point because based on what she says,

523
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:05,840
Speaker 1: her options can change, because if she wants a change environment,

524
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:07,240
Speaker 1: then she will want to work at home.

525
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:08,400
Speaker 4: So that' see what you're saying.

526
00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:11,840
Speaker 1: She has to really dissect and figure out what exactly

527
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,560
Speaker 1: she's looking for so that she can kind of gain

528
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:16,880
Speaker 1: access to that. And here's the biggest thing, man, y'all

529
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:20,359
Speaker 1: have your whole lives to figure this out, Like, sit

530
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:23,960
Speaker 1: down collectively as a family, you and him and say, Babe,

531
00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:26,680
Speaker 1: this is what I need, this is what you need,

532
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,120
Speaker 1: this is what the kids need. How can we find

533
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:32,280
Speaker 1: a way so that everybody gets what they need? Like, ultimately,

534
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:34,720
Speaker 1: that's the plan, right, The plan is not to be

535
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,000
Speaker 1: stuck doing something for your life that you don't want

536
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:37,960
Speaker 1: to do so, And.

537
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:39,520
Speaker 2: The plan is not for one to be at home

538
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:42,679
Speaker 2: suffering while the other is out, you know, thriving. Deval

539
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:44,760
Speaker 2: and I have taken it back sometimes to just good

540
00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:46,720
Speaker 2: old fashioned pen and paper.

541
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:49,200
Speaker 4: Pros and cons and.

542
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:51,120
Speaker 2: Writing them down so you can actually see it, discuss

543
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:53,320
Speaker 2: it and see what makes the best sense, so that

544
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:56,760
Speaker 2: no one feels like they're sacrificing too much, you know,

545
00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:00,320
Speaker 2: or giving too much, or one's benefiting more than the other,

546
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:03,600
Speaker 2: you know, in the circumstance like this.

547
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:04,720
Speaker 4: No, I agree.

548
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,640
Speaker 1: I think they if they sat down and write down

549
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:09,800
Speaker 1: the pros and cons, like we just said. You know,

550
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,199
Speaker 1: she says she would work overnight. These are the pros,

551
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:15,000
Speaker 1: here's the cons. Okay, if you work during the day,

552
00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:18,080
Speaker 1: here's the pros, here's the cons. But I also don't

553
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:21,320
Speaker 1: think it's on her to figure it out by herself,

554
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:24,399
Speaker 1: like the two of them can collectively, you know, you

555
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:27,480
Speaker 1: can't just shut down somebody's idea. You know, if it

556
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:30,360
Speaker 1: were you, I would say, Okay, I wouldn't want that,

557
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:31,960
Speaker 1: but here's some options.

558
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:32,479
Speaker 3: Right, And that's what you've done.

559
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:34,520
Speaker 2: When I've come to you with like opportunities and things,

560
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:36,720
Speaker 2: sometimes you'd be like, hey, like, let's really think about it.

561
00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:39,840
Speaker 2: You might be just in a hamster wheel of like, yeah, okay,

562
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:41,719
Speaker 2: we're making the money, but then we're spending it on childcare.

563
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:42,840
Speaker 3: So does it really make sense?

564
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,399
Speaker 2: You know. It's those things that come into account, you

565
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:47,840
Speaker 2: know for that. So good luck to theology figure things out.

566
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,919
Speaker 2: And again we're always going to preach communicate, keep the

567
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:55,560
Speaker 2: lines of communication open. Facts all right. Number three, heyja Valenkadeen.

568
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:57,760
Speaker 2: I'll keep it short and simple. I've been listening to

569
00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:00,399
Speaker 2: the podcast from the start and have have been following

570
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:03,680
Speaker 2: you guys since Cairo was born. I like to I

571
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:05,920
Speaker 2: like to feel special, hoping that I'm one of the

572
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:06,960
Speaker 2: rare types of fans.

573
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:07,880
Speaker 3: I'm Mongolian.

574
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:11,280
Speaker 2: I lived in Taiwan for twelve years, basically all my

575
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:14,760
Speaker 2: adult life. I moved to Sydney six months ago. Okay,

576
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,679
Speaker 2: pimping all over the world, I love it. Adjusting to

577
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,399
Speaker 2: a new place is hard, especially this week, I was

578
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:23,240
Speaker 2: having such a tough time because I felt like Australia

579
00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:26,720
Speaker 2: kept testing me. Anyways, I just listened to the episode

580
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:29,240
Speaker 2: The Practice Kid and it made me laugh so much

581
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:32,040
Speaker 2: and just brought some positivity and good energy to my week.

582
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:33,880
Speaker 2: And I just wanted to thank you for the great

583
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:36,040
Speaker 2: family that you are. There are so many times I

584
00:24:36,119 --> 00:24:38,360
Speaker 2: wish I had you guys as a friend to go

585
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:41,399
Speaker 2: through life with. You have us as a friend at

586
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:46,639
Speaker 2: least podcast, but I take the best I could. Your

587
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:49,360
Speaker 2: book also helped me get a good perspective into relationships,

588
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 2: and listening to your stories makes me introspect and think

589
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:55,879
Speaker 2: a lot about the things that really helped me go

590
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:59,080
Speaker 2: through life. Hope your tour expands to Australia soon.

591
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:01,720
Speaker 3: Oh that was us I appreciation paragraph.

592
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:02,040
Speaker 4: That's what.

593
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:04,800
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for that. We appreciate the love.

594
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,800
Speaker 2: This is awesome. Mongolian lived in Taiwan, Sydney.

595
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:08,160
Speaker 4: Well.

596
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:09,560
Speaker 2: I hope that things start to look up for you

597
00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:11,280
Speaker 2: in Australia if that's where you really want to be.

598
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,520
Speaker 2: I can't wait to make it to Australia one day. Yeah,

599
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:15,520
Speaker 2: I can't wait to get to that side of the

600
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:16,240
Speaker 2: wall the world.

601
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:17,240
Speaker 3: But thank you.

602
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:20,399
Speaker 2: No, we really feel like the podcast gives us an

603
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:23,520
Speaker 2: opportunity to talk to y'all like you are our friends,

604
00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:26,479
Speaker 2: and to listen to letter episodes or just having them

605
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,879
Speaker 2: at the end of every episode is a way that

606
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:30,639
Speaker 2: we feel even more connected to you all and the

607
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:32,600
Speaker 2: things you have going on in your life. And again,

608
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:34,280
Speaker 2: you know, Deval and I, we're just here to give

609
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:37,159
Speaker 2: our two cents. You know, we give our advice and

610
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:39,639
Speaker 2: take it or leave it. But we're just happy that

611
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,119
Speaker 2: you guys are continuing to write in and love on us,

612
00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:42,960
Speaker 2: So thank you for that.

613
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:49,840
Speaker 4: We appreciate you. Mama number four, greetings Ellis. I am

614
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:53,359
Speaker 4: Ayana Dyson. When she gave her home.

615
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:56,080
Speaker 1: Names, she wants to tell us, I am Mayana Dyson.

616
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:58,399
Speaker 1: Recently attended your DC show with my wife, Oh Dou.

617
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:00,320
Speaker 1: I didn't get a chance to ask a quest, but

618
00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:02,679
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask, how do you navigate intimacy with

619
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:04,160
Speaker 1: having a parent living with you?

620
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:06,080
Speaker 4: About three months ago, my.

621
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:09,119
Speaker 1: Mother temporarily moved in, temporarily moved in with myself and

622
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,159
Speaker 1: my wife, and I feel like her presence is a

623
00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:12,720
Speaker 1: disruption to our intimate time.

624
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:13,400
Speaker 3: I understand.

625
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:16,080
Speaker 1: I have the mindset like hey, she grown and in

626
00:26:16,119 --> 00:26:18,359
Speaker 1: our house. I do not care whether she may or

627
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:20,960
Speaker 1: may not hear. However, my wife is feeling more uncomfortable

628
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,679
Speaker 1: about it. How do y'all navigate that since you have

629
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:26,840
Speaker 1: experience with a living parent in law? Also, I love

630
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,040
Speaker 1: how you all give advice when all types of relationships

631
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,760
Speaker 1: in DC. When the young man inquired about himself and

632
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:34,080
Speaker 1: his boyfriend, so many on these members began to speak

633
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:36,520
Speaker 1: extremely disrespectful and homophobic slurs at him.

634
00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:37,760
Speaker 4: I don't know that was.

635
00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:42,439
Speaker 1: Sorry, and additionally making derogatory comments about same sex couples.

636
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:44,840
Speaker 1: I know there was an announcement about it being a

637
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:48,760
Speaker 1: non judgmental space when the interational couple, when the interracial

638
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:51,040
Speaker 1: couple was on stage during dead A's court. However, I

639
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:54,240
Speaker 1: would kindly suggest a further comment and announcement in regard

640
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:58,040
Speaker 1: to all couples being welcomed. That way people will know

641
00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:00,960
Speaker 1: y'all are welcoming and that we all have a space,

642
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:03,560
Speaker 1: a plus safe space as dead as listeners, fans and

643
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:04,360
Speaker 1: family members.

644
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:05,679
Speaker 3: That is so true.

645
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:09,000
Speaker 2: Absolutely, I'm sorry that happened in DC, those murmurs and stuff.

646
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:10,639
Speaker 2: Of course we couldn't hear them from the stage, but

647
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:14,720
Speaker 2: so that we're clear, okay that as Podcasts is a place,

648
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 2: a place that is inclusive of all types of people. Yes,

649
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:21,640
Speaker 2: all kinds of people, all kinds of relationships, all kinds

650
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:23,840
Speaker 2: of love. If we're going to continue to spread love

651
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 2: and it's love against the world and love within our

652
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:30,159
Speaker 2: world as Dead Ass Podcasts, Yes, everyone, and I repeat,

653
00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:32,040
Speaker 2: everyone has a place here with us.

654
00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:32,639
Speaker 4: Absolutely.

655
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:34,400
Speaker 3: Now to your.

656
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:40,520
Speaker 2: Question, sis, so we know all about that, thankfully within

657
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:45,439
Speaker 2: our space here in our home. There's a good amount

658
00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:50,400
Speaker 2: of space between Develo in our bedroom and my parents.

659
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:53,720
Speaker 4: But but it wasn't in La. It was a problem.

660
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:56,600
Speaker 3: And it was a problem because you.

661
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:59,480
Speaker 4: Didn't want the cheeks She didn't want to hear the cheeks.

662
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:03,119
Speaker 5: Go on slapping for me, Like at some points I

663
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:06,040
Speaker 5: was like, devow, you like, either you gotta hold it

664
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:08,920
Speaker 5: or I gotta hold it because I know that mom

665
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:10,080
Speaker 5: is right down the hallway.

666
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:11,040
Speaker 4: I wanted to hear that.

667
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:12,640
Speaker 3: Though I know it's the best part.

668
00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:15,359
Speaker 2: You know, it's like the slapping, it's the mixing of

669
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:18,160
Speaker 2: the mac and cheese, Like y'all know what I'm talking about.

670
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:23,760
Speaker 1: The noise is the sound and then when you're being quiet.

671
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:27,000
Speaker 2: Exactly like answering the questions and the probes. So I

672
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,280
Speaker 2: will say that I can relate in that. Even just

673
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:32,159
Speaker 2: more recently, Deval and I have spoken about what you

674
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 2: know twenty twenty four and on is going to look

675
00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:37,480
Speaker 2: like for us, because although we do have our moments

676
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,800
Speaker 2: where we can you know, everyone goes to their rooms,

677
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:42,440
Speaker 2: sometimes I want to drop it and get it on

678
00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 2: in the family room, like when everybody goes to bed

679
00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:47,560
Speaker 2: at night, or sometimes I just want a random spot

680
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:51,160
Speaker 2: where it's spontaneous and there's always being on the lookout

681
00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:53,560
Speaker 2: for a potential.

682
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:55,560
Speaker 3: Parent walking out or a child walking out.

683
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:59,400
Speaker 2: And then I know, you having my mom and dad

684
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:00,920
Speaker 2: in the house, do you feel like it's different for

685
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:02,840
Speaker 2: you because it's your in laws and I'm their daughter.

686
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:05,880
Speaker 4: I don't care. Listen, listen, listen. I'm not gonna lie

687
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:06,200
Speaker 4: to y'all.

688
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 1: Right, I be the one be wanting to have sex

689
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 1: in the family room, and every time I try to

690
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 1: do it, divide, let's go back, and this shit is

691
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:12,560
Speaker 1: fucking annoying.

692
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:13,360
Speaker 3: It is.

693
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:17,080
Speaker 1: So here's the issue, right, you have to realize that

694
00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:20,760
Speaker 1: there are sacrifices that come with everything. I want my

695
00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:23,160
Speaker 1: mother in law and my father in law to be

696
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:25,240
Speaker 1: here because they help me out tremendously.

697
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:26,680
Speaker 4: I want them here.

698
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 1: So if that means that I got to just take

699
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:31,160
Speaker 1: my ass to the room sometime to get nasty and

700
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:34,440
Speaker 1: have sex, I'm just gonna do that. Like there's sacrifices

701
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:36,760
Speaker 1: that come with every single thing.

702
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:38,720
Speaker 4: And I know my wife.

703
00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:40,560
Speaker 1: Doesn't feel comfortable because she doesn't want her father to

704
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 1: come upstairs accidentally.

705
00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:42,760
Speaker 3: And you know, my father is.

706
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:44,120
Speaker 4: All the walks like a ninja.

707
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 2: Everybody knows that my dad not only is he quiet

708
00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:50,479
Speaker 2: in a few words, he floats.

709
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:51,720
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, through the house.

710
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:52,479
Speaker 4: Yes.

711
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:55,160
Speaker 3: And you won't hear him and see him until he's

712
00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:56,000
Speaker 3: on your neck.

713
00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:56,400
Speaker 4: Yes.

714
00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:57,840
Speaker 3: So just imagine like.

715
00:29:57,840 --> 00:29:59,520
Speaker 2: Me thinking like I don't want to think about my

716
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:02,480
Speaker 2: father if I'm in the family room trying trying to.

717
00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:05,520
Speaker 4: Get the cheek on your neck while you giveing neck.

718
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:10,240
Speaker 3: Baby, travesty, travesty.

719
00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:12,200
Speaker 1: But the reason how I want to be honest with

720
00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:14,200
Speaker 1: them about that is because I don't want them to

721
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:15,920
Speaker 1: think that everything is always pitcher perfect.

722
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:18,440
Speaker 3: Still, it's that for us to figure that you're.

723
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:19,280
Speaker 4: Still trying to figure that out.

724
00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 1: It's like, damn, like I really want to do it

725
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:23,479
Speaker 1: right here, but it's like I can't because you know,

726
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:25,760
Speaker 1: in all honestly, you don't want your parents to catch

727
00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:29,400
Speaker 1: you in a compromising position. But I just make the sacrifice, like,

728
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:32,120
Speaker 1: you know what, let me walk these thirty paces in the.

729
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:34,440
Speaker 2: Back, right, and it's like you don't almost have to,

730
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:36,040
Speaker 2: like all damn, let's just go to the bedroom now,

731
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:38,800
Speaker 2: because then then then there becomes a monotony around it, right,

732
00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:39,920
Speaker 2: And I was just like I don't want to just

733
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:41,480
Speaker 2: walk back to the bedroom and get in the bed

734
00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:43,400
Speaker 2: and have sex either, Like that's boring.

735
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:44,120
Speaker 3: Nobody wants to do that.

736
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:46,040
Speaker 2: Ship Like sometimes I want to randomly do it like

737
00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:48,520
Speaker 2: by the fireplace or some shit. And you know what

738
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:51,240
Speaker 2: I'm saying, like that definitely impedes the progress.

739
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:52,560
Speaker 1: But what you can do is like what we do

740
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:57,800
Speaker 1: five times when mom ay there, Yeah, and that's when

741
00:30:57,800 --> 00:30:58,760
Speaker 1: you do all the.

742
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 3: Things they out of town for a couple days.

743
00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:03,120
Speaker 1: We know, like we and this is what one thing

744
00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 1: me and Kay gonna do if we know the kids

745
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:07,400
Speaker 1: gonna be going for a couple of days, or the

746
00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:09,440
Speaker 1: parents gonna be gone, or we're gonna be out of

747
00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:11,640
Speaker 1: time when no one's around, we going hand for those

748
00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:14,160
Speaker 1: couple of days because we know when we get back home.

749
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:15,880
Speaker 1: We got to have the quiet sex. We make jokes

750
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:19,280
Speaker 1: about qui sex all the time. But the funny is,

751
00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:20,840
Speaker 1: I know you don't like having quia sex, but you

752
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:23,160
Speaker 1: don't want to get caught. So when they gone, that's

753
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:25,960
Speaker 1: when it's like, y'all dress up time?

754
00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:27,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, movie time?

755
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:28,960
Speaker 2: Like where would I want to wear around the house?

756
00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:31,480
Speaker 2: You know, I remember when your dad was visiting for

757
00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:32,760
Speaker 2: like three weeks. One time you were like, damn, you

758
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 2: ain't wearing no shorts and ship around the house like

759
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 2: where my shorts at? And I'm like, bro, it's not you.

760
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:37,760
Speaker 2: It's the fact that your father be here and he

761
00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:39,480
Speaker 2: stays up late and he watches movies in the theater.

762
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:41,240
Speaker 2: We never know when he's coming for a snack. Like

763
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:43,680
Speaker 2: there's just too many components, you know what I'm saying.

764
00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 4: My father don't float. My father gonna snack. So it's

765
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:48,400
Speaker 4: gonna be two in the morning and we're gonna be sit.

766
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:49,720
Speaker 3: We pop a scoop a load.

767
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:51,920
Speaker 4: Why what are you doing up, bro?

768
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:54,120
Speaker 3: And make a sandwich? Broke you got any more than

769
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:54,600
Speaker 3: roast beef?

770
00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:57,360
Speaker 4: You want a sandwich?

771
00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:02,000
Speaker 1: Make me want to That's my father's favorite line.

772
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:04,720
Speaker 2: So yeah, good luck on that girl and I don't

773
00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:07,200
Speaker 2: know it's it's also your spouse's mom in the house,

774
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:09,160
Speaker 2: so she's probably no, you're I mean, well.

775
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,520
Speaker 3: It's her mom, so it's your in it's her in law,

776
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:12,160
Speaker 3: you know what I mean.

777
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:14,080
Speaker 2: It's like she don't want to get caught in no

778
00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:15,640
Speaker 2: compromise oppositions.

779
00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:18,800
Speaker 3: I get it, But hey, mommy home a couple.

780
00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:20,360
Speaker 1: Of days once in a while, send her to your

781
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 1: brothers and eat on a vacation.

782
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:24,560
Speaker 2: It's like, you know, you know, Mom, you know we're

783
00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:26,120
Speaker 2: going to send you out for like a little dinner

784
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:28,440
Speaker 2: by yourself, little spa day, you know what I'm saying,

785
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:30,440
Speaker 2: and then you find ways to work around it.

786
00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:32,040
Speaker 3: Hopefully it's just temporary for y'all.

787
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:34,840
Speaker 2: All Right, we're gonna take one more quick break and

788
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:37,680
Speaker 2: we're gonna move into the rest of our listener letters

789
00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:39,719
Speaker 2: for this episode, so stick around.

790
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 3: We will be right back.

791
00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:53,760
Speaker 2: All right, Hey, Team Ellis, let me just say that

792
00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:56,680
Speaker 2: I am a longtime listener, first time writer. I love

793
00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:58,800
Speaker 2: your family. Thank you so much, and thanks for writing

794
00:32:58,800 --> 00:32:59,440
Speaker 2: in for the first time.

795
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:01,400
Speaker 3: Hopefully will be the last. Let's see what we can

796
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:02,000
Speaker 3: help you with here.

797
00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:04,440
Speaker 2: To start, my husband and I have been together over

798
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:06,920
Speaker 2: a decade and married almost eight years. We have three

799
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:10,040
Speaker 2: beautiful children. From the wedding day, our sex life has

800
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:14,680
Speaker 2: been so mediocre yikes. I've felt bamboozled since that day.

801
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:16,680
Speaker 2: And no, we did not wait to have sex and

802
00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 2: full transparency. We met in church and both volunteered in

803
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:23,400
Speaker 2: various ministries. We slept together about four times on and off,

804
00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:26,800
Speaker 2: on and off over the three years we dated before marriage.

805
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:28,760
Speaker 2: It was decent for the most part, but I was

806
00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:31,680
Speaker 2: also married before him, and that husband would.

807
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:36,600
Speaker 3: Turn me every way but loose. He just had community

808
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:37,920
Speaker 3: d damn.

809
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:42,240
Speaker 2: With my current husband, we probably sleep together once every

810
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:46,920
Speaker 2: six months, and it's once every six month, and it

811
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:50,240
Speaker 2: is terrible. I initiate every time, and it's frustrating too

812
00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 2: because he only believes in two positions, me on top

813
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:58,680
Speaker 2: and missionary. He won't do oral giving or receiving.

814
00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:01,600
Speaker 4: He must maybe a very spiritual and he just thinks.

815
00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:05,640
Speaker 2: It and he won't try sex therapy my husband. I

816
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:07,880
Speaker 2: love my husband with my entire heart, but I'm becoming

817
00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:12,160
Speaker 2: resentful for being unsatisfied. I'll never cheat, but I'm scared

818
00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:14,520
Speaker 2: that if the opportunity presents itself, that i won't be

819
00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:18,759
Speaker 2: strong enough to withstand temptation because of how our sex

820
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:23,120
Speaker 2: life lacks. I love giving and receiving oral It's been

821
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:25,759
Speaker 2: so long since I felt satisfied in bed, and he

822
00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:28,960
Speaker 2: feels like I'm not satisfied, satisfied because I desire something

823
00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:33,320
Speaker 2: he won't do. Yeah, yeah, I remember being told growing

824
00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:35,319
Speaker 2: up that you won't what you won't do for your

825
00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:39,560
Speaker 2: man another woman will, Well, why don't men believe in

826
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 2: that as well?

827
00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:42,879
Speaker 3: My husband? My husband knows that.

828
00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:45,480
Speaker 2: I won't cheat, which is why he doesn't feel the

829
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:48,560
Speaker 2: need to compromise. I don't know how much longer I

830
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:53,680
Speaker 2: can go pregaming with my rose help. Oh that is unfortunate.

831
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:55,080
Speaker 2: I cannot relate.

832
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:57,600
Speaker 1: I'm going to give for the same advice women be

833
00:34:57,640 --> 00:35:00,520
Speaker 1: given men. You have to learn to control your urges.

834
00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:03,600
Speaker 1: Young lady, you got married. Don't that sound like some bullshit?

835
00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:06,800
Speaker 3: The other way around?

836
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:11,360
Speaker 2: As a woman, I will be honest and say, yeah, yes, bullshit.

837
00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:12,880
Speaker 3: Bro, Yeah, that's crazy.

838
00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:16,359
Speaker 1: You ask somebody to be your one and only and

839
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:18,719
Speaker 1: you just have hard lines on what you're not going

840
00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:20,840
Speaker 1: to do, then that shouldn't be your person.

841
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:22,680
Speaker 4: That should be And.

842
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:24,200
Speaker 3: I'm wondering what is issue?

843
00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:24,359
Speaker 2: Is?

844
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:26,080
Speaker 3: Is it that he's not that into her.

845
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:29,000
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, is it that he's like

846
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:32,520
Speaker 2: they got married under the pretenses of what. Okay, they

847
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:34,799
Speaker 2: love each other, they're good people, yes, but sex is

848
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:36,600
Speaker 2: a huge component in any marriage.

849
00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:39,320
Speaker 1: But we also can't we can't we can't escape the

850
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:41,600
Speaker 1: fact that they both grew up in the ministry, right, Okay,

851
00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:44,240
Speaker 1: And we've heard before, remember we did Kep on stage

852
00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:49,120
Speaker 1: and Melissa's podcasts that in the church and certain churches

853
00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:52,000
Speaker 1: it's so frowned upon and shame that people don't experience

854
00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:53,919
Speaker 1: sex or understand how to experience sex.

855
00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:54,520
Speaker 3: That's possible.

856
00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:56,920
Speaker 1: She also said that they had sex four times on

857
00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:59,560
Speaker 1: and off in three years, right, which means they haven't

858
00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:00,080
Speaker 1: like he.

859
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:01,520
Speaker 4: Creased sex since getting married.

860
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:04,880
Speaker 1: True, they just haven't partaken and he's continuing the same

861
00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:07,920
Speaker 1: thing that it was when they were dating. She probably

862
00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:10,080
Speaker 1: just assumed that once they got married he was going

863
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:13,000
Speaker 1: to open up m hm, and he hasn't. And he's

864
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 1: created hardline saying I'm not doing this for whatever his

865
00:36:16,239 --> 00:36:16,920
Speaker 1: reasons may be.

866
00:36:17,239 --> 00:36:20,319
Speaker 4: What's to be honest, those are his reasons. But you

867
00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:22,399
Speaker 4: can't deprive the one person that.

868
00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:24,719
Speaker 1: You ask to be your wife. I just think that

869
00:36:24,719 --> 00:36:28,160
Speaker 1: that's unfair. That's your wife, bro, you asked her to

870
00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:28,600
Speaker 1: marry you.

871
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:29,080
Speaker 3: Mm hm.

872
00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:32,480
Speaker 1: So when asking her to marry you, you have a

873
00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:37,200
Speaker 1: responsibility as a husband to be what that woman requires,

874
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:40,319
Speaker 1: especially sexually, because you're asking her not to share any

875
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:43,600
Speaker 1: of those sexual exploits with anybody else. I don't care

876
00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:46,080
Speaker 1: if it's a man or a woman. That's fucking selfish.

877
00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:47,000
Speaker 4: Yeah it is.

878
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:48,680
Speaker 3: That's super selfish.

879
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:50,919
Speaker 2: And I'm actually happy that it's the other way around

880
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:53,399
Speaker 2: because it gives women now a perspective to say shit

881
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:54,719
Speaker 2: like this is the other way around.

882
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:57,040
Speaker 4: Sometimes no, it's the other way around a lot of times.

883
00:36:57,280 --> 00:36:59,680
Speaker 1: You should see some of my dms from women who's

884
00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:03,040
Speaker 1: just like what about women who have high sex drives?

885
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:05,880
Speaker 1: Like what are we supposed to do where my husband

886
00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 1: either won't help me get to my point after he

887
00:37:08,239 --> 00:37:11,000
Speaker 1: climbaxes or whatever. And I will say to them too, like, yo,

888
00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:16,160
Speaker 1: that's just not fair that that is just not fair. Now,

889
00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:18,719
Speaker 1: this is the God's down, the truth. It may be

890
00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:24,760
Speaker 1: too much information, but Kadeen and I have sex a lot.

891
00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:27,560
Speaker 1: My main responsibility is to make sure that Kadeen has

892
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:30,400
Speaker 1: an orgasm because I know I'm gonna orgasm like it

893
00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:34,040
Speaker 1: ends once I orgasm. There may be times where I'm

894
00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:36,759
Speaker 1: just like, she's just like I'm not coming yet, and

895
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:38,399
Speaker 1: I when she.

896
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:40,200
Speaker 4: Said, baby, can you still take care of me? I'm

897
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:41,239
Speaker 4: gonna take care of for us?

898
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:44,040
Speaker 1: Like you know what it is if I know that

899
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:45,960
Speaker 1: you didn't reach there yet and I reached there yet,

900
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:47,279
Speaker 1: and I'm like, come in, let me just you know

901
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:50,000
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, you have a responsibility as a partner.

902
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:51,400
Speaker 1: I don't care if it's a man or a woman.

903
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:54,279
Speaker 1: Bro Like, you have a responsibility. You can't just let

904
00:37:54,360 --> 00:37:56,839
Speaker 1: your partner walk around feeling like they not cared for

905
00:37:57,360 --> 00:37:58,200
Speaker 1: while saying.

906
00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:00,440
Speaker 2: To them you only gotta be with me, and her

907
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:03,160
Speaker 2: saying that she feels like he knows that she won't cheat,

908
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:04,799
Speaker 2: and that science it feels like he doesn't have to

909
00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:08,000
Speaker 2: compromise selfish. That's super selfish. And then also to the

910
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:10,719
Speaker 2: argument can be made, this is her second marriage. So

911
00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:12,959
Speaker 2: that's why people say should you wait till marriage because

912
00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:13,960
Speaker 2: you don't know what else.

913
00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:14,359
Speaker 3: Is out there?

914
00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:18,160
Speaker 2: Either way, I mean, I don't think that's necessarily even

915
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:20,600
Speaker 2: a valid argument. I'm just putting it out there because

916
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:22,879
Speaker 2: it's like, you know, knowing people who are like very

917
00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:25,239
Speaker 2: heavy in church and they have certain like lines that

918
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:27,080
Speaker 2: they're not going to cross before marriage.

919
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:28,680
Speaker 3: The fact that she has been.

920
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:32,520
Speaker 1: Maybe if we had a listener letter where a couple

921
00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:35,840
Speaker 1: waited and she said she wasn't fast satisfied after waiting.

922
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:36,919
Speaker 4: What do I do now?

923
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:39,960
Speaker 1: Just waiting doesn't mean that you're always going to be

924
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:42,680
Speaker 1: satisfied with what you receive your marriage is very true.

925
00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:45,359
Speaker 1: Said that they waited until marriage, they didn't have sex,

926
00:38:45,360 --> 00:38:48,040
Speaker 1: and when they started to have sex, she was just like,

927
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:51,000
Speaker 1: I don't know what sex is, but whatever I'm getting.

928
00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:51,239
Speaker 3: Is not it.

929
00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:52,399
Speaker 4: It's not it.

930
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:52,840
Speaker 3: It's not it.

931
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:54,799
Speaker 1: And she was like, am I wrong for And to

932
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:56,920
Speaker 1: be honest, it doesn't matter if you wait or if

933
00:38:56,960 --> 00:39:01,480
Speaker 1: you don't. Some people just aren't compatible sexually. And sex

934
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:02,839
Speaker 1: is a huge That is true.

935
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:06,720
Speaker 2: I know, I know somebody who you know, was attracted

936
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:11,200
Speaker 2: to this person, liked the person, person's a good person.

937
00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:11,640
Speaker 3: All that good stuff.

938
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:14,680
Speaker 2: Everything was lining up, but off the bat, the sex

939
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:16,400
Speaker 2: just was not. And she said, I don't know if

940
00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:18,200
Speaker 2: it's that we just don't have the right rhythm. I

941
00:39:18,239 --> 00:39:20,280
Speaker 2: don't know if it's that we're still learning each other.

942
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:22,160
Speaker 3: Like what it is.

943
00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:25,120
Speaker 2: But she just felt like, for whatever reason, we just

944
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:26,560
Speaker 2: weren't compatible sexually.

945
00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:33,680
Speaker 1: For me, personally, sex is way more than just a

946
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:36,560
Speaker 1: visionary act where you see someone you like or a

947
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:38,400
Speaker 1: physical act where they do something I like it.

948
00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:40,439
Speaker 4: We both like, there's so much more that goes into

949
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:41,040
Speaker 4: having sex.

950
00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:43,520
Speaker 1: Yes, and when two people aren't tied together in a

951
00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:46,919
Speaker 1: way where it's explosive for both, it doesn't matter what

952
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:48,480
Speaker 1: you do, how often you do it.

953
00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:51,600
Speaker 4: Sometimes it's just not good. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, Like,

954
00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:53,440
Speaker 4: sometimes it's just not good sex.

955
00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:57,200
Speaker 2: That is true, Like I I something might be missing, right,

956
00:39:57,480 --> 00:39:59,040
Speaker 2: there might be a missing puzzle piece there.

957
00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:02,319
Speaker 1: And to be be honest, that part should not be

958
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:05,719
Speaker 1: secondary because when that resentment grows, whether it's a man

959
00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:08,040
Speaker 1: or a woman, if the one thing you have that

960
00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:10,719
Speaker 1: you won't breaking your vows is to cheat, how could

961
00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:12,520
Speaker 1: you ask someone to spend the rest of their life

962
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:15,080
Speaker 1: not being satisfied doing the one thing that you don't

963
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:16,640
Speaker 1: want me to do with nobody else.

964
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:18,280
Speaker 3: That's super selfish and considerate.

965
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:20,720
Speaker 2: And they've been together almost a decade, married eight years,

966
00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:24,680
Speaker 2: three children, Like WHOA, it's a long time to be unhappy.

967
00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:28,680
Speaker 4: It's a long time. That's a long time, like I girl.

968
00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:34,320
Speaker 1: To me, personally, I'm not big on divorces, but I

969
00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:37,320
Speaker 1: do believe that you have a right and a responsibility

970
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:38,960
Speaker 1: to say, hey, this is not working for me.

971
00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:41,799
Speaker 4: Can we find a way? And if that person is

972
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:42,879
Speaker 4: just no, it's my.

973
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:46,279
Speaker 1: Way of the eye worn, hard nose don't work in relationships.

974
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:48,160
Speaker 2: I feel like this is something that can be super

975
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:50,640
Speaker 2: easily corrected. And then you know what, if they have

976
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:53,359
Speaker 2: the conversation, he might say, you know what, I've had

977
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 2: these obstacles because I've dealt with this in the past,

978
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:58,720
Speaker 2: and this is the reason why. Maybe it requires therapy,

979
00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:00,839
Speaker 2: maybe it requires him talking about she said.

980
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:03,080
Speaker 3: If there's a reason why she said it, she.

981
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:05,480
Speaker 1: Said, I asked him to try sex therapy and he won't.

982
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:07,720
Speaker 1: To me, this is a person who is not willing

983
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:08,960
Speaker 1: to be in a relationship.

984
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:09,360
Speaker 3: Right.

985
00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:11,920
Speaker 1: If you're not willing to listen to anything she's offering,

986
00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:13,839
Speaker 1: you're not willing to go to a third party, you're

987
00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:14,760
Speaker 1: not willing to try anything.

988
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:15,760
Speaker 4: Why be in a relationship?

989
00:41:15,840 --> 00:41:19,239
Speaker 1: Right? Relationships are all about giving to business, never going

990
00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:20,280
Speaker 1: to be just your way.

991
00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:22,480
Speaker 2: And for those to say that sex is not everything,

992
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:24,880
Speaker 2: it's a lot. It has a lot to do with it.

993
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:26,320
Speaker 3: Yes, it really does.

994
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:27,799
Speaker 2: Like, don't let nobody lie to you and say, oh,

995
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:29,759
Speaker 2: it's not just about sex. No, sex is huge, a

996
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:30,920
Speaker 2: huge component.

997
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:33,040
Speaker 4: In marriage yourselves. If y'all want to say what.

998
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:36,480
Speaker 2: It is women, women, I'll tell y'all whatever the dynamic is,

999
00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:37,040
Speaker 2: it's huge.

1000
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:38,319
Speaker 4: This is what I always say.

1001
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:40,600
Speaker 1: If sex should never be that much of a priority,

1002
00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:42,440
Speaker 1: why is it a priority if they want to have

1003
00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:43,359
Speaker 1: sex with someone else?

1004
00:41:43,719 --> 00:41:44,880
Speaker 3: That's the biggest question.

1005
00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:47,000
Speaker 4: How much of a priority sex is?

1006
00:41:47,560 --> 00:41:49,919
Speaker 1: It matters to you so much that you don't want

1007
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:52,360
Speaker 1: your partner to be with someone else, You have to

1008
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:54,920
Speaker 1: take that into consideration when it's time to have sex,

1009
00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:56,880
Speaker 1: and not only when you want to have sex.

1010
00:41:57,560 --> 00:42:00,200
Speaker 4: You can't tell somebody sex is so important that you

1011
00:42:00,239 --> 00:42:00,960
Speaker 4: only could be with me.

1012
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:02,560
Speaker 1: But then when they say, well, I'm ready to have sex, Well,

1013
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:04,280
Speaker 1: why sex got to be so important all the time?

1014
00:42:04,560 --> 00:42:05,640
Speaker 4: That makes no sense.

1015
00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:07,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, that put a lot of things in perspective when

1016
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:09,920
Speaker 2: we were having a lot of our issues that we

1017
00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:12,359
Speaker 2: were navigating early on in our marriage. So good luck

1018
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:14,000
Speaker 2: to you, says, I hope that you'll find a way

1019
00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:16,200
Speaker 2: to get through to him.

1020
00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:18,279
Speaker 3: Can I also say this, Yeah, go for it.

1021
00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:21,520
Speaker 1: You can find resolutions because Kadeen and I had so

1022
00:42:21,600 --> 00:42:24,560
Speaker 1: many conversations about sex and sex was such a hot

1023
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:26,640
Speaker 1: button topic for us since we met at eighteen and

1024
00:42:26,719 --> 00:42:29,320
Speaker 1: went through things being the way they were in our twenties.

1025
00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:32,480
Speaker 1: But we came to I don't even want to say

1026
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:34,520
Speaker 1: a resolution. We came to.

1027
00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:38,000
Speaker 4: A place that fits both of our needs.

1028
00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:41,719
Speaker 1: Like, we came to a point I can honestly say,

1029
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:45,520
Speaker 1: I don't walk around feeling like I'm taking for granted anymore.

1030
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:46,960
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. I don't walk.

1031
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:49,400
Speaker 1: Around feeling like, oh, she only wants me to do

1032
00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:51,880
Speaker 1: things on her terms. It took a lot of talking,

1033
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:54,399
Speaker 1: and I think that's what people need to hear. We

1034
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:57,440
Speaker 1: were together twenty something years, and when for fifteen of

1035
00:42:57,480 --> 00:42:59,680
Speaker 1: those twenty something years we were trying to figure it out.

1036
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:01,440
Speaker 1: So when people here, we've been doing this for a

1037
00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:03,120
Speaker 1: year and a half and it's not changing, that's not

1038
00:43:03,160 --> 00:43:06,680
Speaker 1: a long time. Because now we're forty and we still

1039
00:43:06,719 --> 00:43:09,680
Speaker 1: have another what forty years to experience the.

1040
00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:12,239
Speaker 4: Type of bliss we want in our press life. You're

1041
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:13,919
Speaker 4: sixty years You know what I'm saying. If it's still

1042
00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:15,880
Speaker 4: working when I'm on honey, baby, better watch out.

1043
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:16,440
Speaker 3: Now, baby.

1044
00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:18,239
Speaker 2: But you know what at the root of it was

1045
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:20,480
Speaker 2: and why I think we've overcome so many of those

1046
00:43:20,520 --> 00:43:23,840
Speaker 2: sex issues and obstacles, is that for me at least,

1047
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:28,680
Speaker 2: it finally hit me that I'm just like my husband

1048
00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:31,640
Speaker 2: does everything for me in his life and in this

1049
00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:33,160
Speaker 2: life that we've created, that.

1050
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:35,360
Speaker 3: He deserves.

1051
00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:41,719
Speaker 2: Everything sexually, emotionally, he deserves everything. So for me to

1052
00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:46,760
Speaker 2: make you happy that it's like I want. It became

1053
00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:50,440
Speaker 2: my want and not a responsibility, because responsibily almost makes it.

1054
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:52,359
Speaker 4: Right.

1055
00:43:52,719 --> 00:43:54,440
Speaker 2: And for me it was just like, I just have

1056
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:58,040
Speaker 2: this burning desire to reciprocate that and make him happy.

1057
00:43:58,080 --> 00:43:59,719
Speaker 2: I want to see you smile. I want to make

1058
00:43:59,719 --> 00:44:01,279
Speaker 2: sure that you feel good. I want you to be

1059
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:03,520
Speaker 2: skipping around here. I don't want you to have to

1060
00:44:03,560 --> 00:44:05,520
Speaker 2: deal with the fact that you haven't had sex the

1061
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:07,480
Speaker 2: way you want to have sex in two, three, four

1062
00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:09,680
Speaker 2: or five days or whatever it is, and then that

1063
00:44:09,719 --> 00:44:10,520
Speaker 2: way you're heavy.

1064
00:44:10,560 --> 00:44:11,160
Speaker 3: I don't want that.

1065
00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:15,440
Speaker 2: You've alleviated so much stress off of my life that

1066
00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:17,960
Speaker 2: I need to see my man happy, and if it

1067
00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:19,520
Speaker 2: means he's going to have sex, and.

1068
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:21,160
Speaker 3: I throw it in the circle however he needs it.

1069
00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:21,839
Speaker 3: I'm gonna do it.

1070
00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:25,040
Speaker 1: I'm glad you brought that up, because that's a different

1071
00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:29,879
Speaker 1: take on why you've changed. It's like you change because

1072
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:31,440
Speaker 1: you feel like I deserve it, but also it was

1073
00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:34,400
Speaker 1: your want to want to change, right because I always

1074
00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:36,359
Speaker 1: felt like I do the things I do for you

1075
00:44:36,400 --> 00:44:39,000
Speaker 1: because I want to see you happy. When you have

1076
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:41,919
Speaker 1: two people who wake up yearning to want to see

1077
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:44,120
Speaker 1: their partner happy, that's how you get to this place,

1078
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:47,480
Speaker 1: because then you're no longer saying I'm doing this sexual

1079
00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:49,080
Speaker 1: act for for them.

1080
00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:50,560
Speaker 4: No, I'm doing this sexual.

1081
00:44:50,239 --> 00:44:52,920
Speaker 1: Act because it brings me treasure to see you know

1082
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:55,360
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. That's when you find that groove.

1083
00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:58,000
Speaker 3: That's the takeaway, you know what I'm saying. That's the takeaway.

1084
00:44:58,120 --> 00:44:58,920
Speaker 3: That's the takeaway.

1085
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:02,480
Speaker 2: So he needs to out make sure that he's aware

1086
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:04,680
Speaker 2: that you're not happy, and he needs to find the

1087
00:45:04,719 --> 00:45:06,400
Speaker 2: desire to make you happy.

1088
00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:10,160
Speaker 1: Question, how could you feel comfortable in a marriage knowing

1089
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:14,239
Speaker 1: that you don't desire to make your partner feel happy? Like,

1090
00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:17,840
Speaker 1: think about that, Like I'm in this marriage saying, hey, harding,

1091
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:19,440
Speaker 1: and I don't you know what I'm saying, it's a

1092
00:45:19,520 --> 00:45:19,800
Speaker 1: hard no.

1093
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:22,080
Speaker 4: But whatever you need or desire. I'm not. It's a

1094
00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:22,480
Speaker 4: hard no.

1095
00:45:23,080 --> 00:45:24,560
Speaker 1: The fact that and you don't. I don't care, I

1096
00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:26,920
Speaker 1: don't care how you feel. That has to make you.

1097
00:45:26,880 --> 00:45:28,880
Speaker 4: Feel like, damn, am I really in this rage for

1098
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:30,600
Speaker 4: the right reason? You know?

1099
00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:32,200
Speaker 3: And like it makes your spouse feel like, damn, am

1100
00:45:32,239 --> 00:45:35,680
Speaker 3: I not worth the you know whatever it is? The effort,

1101
00:45:35,719 --> 00:45:39,960
Speaker 3: the effort. Yeah, and that's only something that's making you.

1102
00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:43,320
Speaker 4: That won't make you feel uncomfortable, you know what I'm saying.

1103
00:45:43,520 --> 00:45:46,839
Speaker 1: Like, there's certain things that's just like my partner wants

1104
00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:48,720
Speaker 1: me to let let her punch your in the ribs

1105
00:45:48,719 --> 00:45:49,479
Speaker 1: when I'm having sex.

1106
00:45:49,800 --> 00:45:51,840
Speaker 4: That don't I don't feel good to me, you know

1107
00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:54,000
Speaker 4: what I'm saying. There's there's also limitation.

1108
00:45:54,360 --> 00:45:55,680
Speaker 1: You can't just be like, you know, I want to

1109
00:45:55,680 --> 00:45:57,759
Speaker 1: have a wild orgy with forty women. If you love me,

1110
00:45:58,080 --> 00:45:59,279
Speaker 1: you would do it with me, Like, you know what

1111
00:45:59,320 --> 00:45:59,680
Speaker 1: I'm saying.

1112
00:45:59,719 --> 00:46:00,800
Speaker 3: That's not get ahead of ourselves.

1113
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:03,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, I'm talking about two people being there for

1114
00:46:03,480 --> 00:46:07,040
Speaker 1: each other. That's not a detriment or not abusive, Yes,

1115
00:46:07,200 --> 00:46:10,160
Speaker 1: definitely not abusive. Yes, all right, let's get to our

1116
00:46:10,239 --> 00:46:13,680
Speaker 1: last listener letter. Yay, I just want to take the

1117
00:46:13,719 --> 00:46:15,319
Speaker 1: time to thank you both. My husband and I have

1118
00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:17,319
Speaker 1: read your book and truly enjoy it and it has

1119
00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:18,200
Speaker 1: helped so much.

1120
00:46:18,520 --> 00:46:20,239
Speaker 4: Thank you so much. We appreciate you.

1121
00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:23,440
Speaker 1: My husband is currently incarcerated in Missouri and has been

1122
00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:26,760
Speaker 1: since he was sixteen years old. Due to a law changing,

1123
00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:29,080
Speaker 1: he's eligible to see the board this year, and we

1124
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:31,839
Speaker 1: really wanted to communicate better and better understand each other

1125
00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:34,520
Speaker 1: since he will and God's will be coming home soon.

1126
00:46:34,880 --> 00:46:37,240
Speaker 1: Your book has inspired him so much he has passed

1127
00:46:37,239 --> 00:46:39,600
Speaker 1: it around to other couples in the prison to read

1128
00:46:39,640 --> 00:46:40,160
Speaker 1: with their wives.

1129
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:40,680
Speaker 4: That's what say.

1130
00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:41,399
Speaker 2: That is so deep.

1131
00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:44,160
Speaker 1: I just want you to know how much you have

1132
00:46:44,239 --> 00:46:46,840
Speaker 1: helped us. We are both only thirty and have so

1133
00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:47,640
Speaker 1: much to learn.

1134
00:46:47,680 --> 00:46:48,040
Speaker 4: Thank you.

1135
00:46:48,160 --> 00:46:51,480
Speaker 1: Dang that made me feel so good is my husband

1136
00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:53,960
Speaker 1: loves to watch The Vale on TV. It makes him

1137
00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:56,160
Speaker 1: know that he is a real person. Remember we were

1138
00:46:56,200 --> 00:46:59,319
Speaker 1: learned before that we have a big prison population who

1139
00:46:59,320 --> 00:47:02,520
Speaker 1: watches System and they love Zach. Because Zach was dealing

1140
00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:04,880
Speaker 1: with recidivism and I was able to turn his life around.

1141
00:47:04,880 --> 00:47:08,120
Speaker 2: I think I might've even meeting Oh my god, you've

1142
00:47:08,160 --> 00:47:09,680
Speaker 2: met a young man who might have said that he

1143
00:47:09,719 --> 00:47:11,040
Speaker 2: was incarcerated that you got.

1144
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:13,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's when we met a young lady whose husband

1145
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:16,000
Speaker 1: was incarcerated in front of the King's Plaza. Yeah, she

1146
00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:19,000
Speaker 1: was like, my husband watches Sisters because they love to

1147
00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:21,719
Speaker 1: watch Zach's story because he's winning after being down.

1148
00:47:21,920 --> 00:47:23,520
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yes, yes, that's what's up.

1149
00:47:23,560 --> 00:47:23,759
Speaker 5: Man.

1150
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:26,440
Speaker 2: Wow, I'm happy to hear that the book has been

1151
00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:27,720
Speaker 2: such a tremendous.

1152
00:47:27,239 --> 00:47:28,360
Speaker 3: Help to so many people.

1153
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:32,160
Speaker 2: And if it's helping, you know, men and women who

1154
00:47:32,239 --> 00:47:34,760
Speaker 2: are incarcerated who are looking to turn their lives around

1155
00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:36,560
Speaker 2: and get out and you know, be the best versions

1156
00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:38,920
Speaker 2: of themselves for themselves and also for their partner.

1157
00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:42,160
Speaker 3: Like I love, I love to hear.

1158
00:47:42,080 --> 00:47:44,080
Speaker 4: That, and that just made me smile.

1159
00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:46,520
Speaker 2: So yeah, you say, and you put so what I

1160
00:47:46,560 --> 00:47:50,239
Speaker 2: admired about you, Babies, that you put so much though

1161
00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:54,240
Speaker 2: you've never been incarcerated, You've put so much thoughts into

1162
00:47:54,800 --> 00:47:57,560
Speaker 2: who Zach is as a character. You know that it

1163
00:47:57,640 --> 00:48:00,440
Speaker 2: has become so relatable for so many people. You know,

1164
00:48:00,719 --> 00:48:02,560
Speaker 2: like shout out to you and Tyler of him giving

1165
00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:05,600
Speaker 2: you the latitude to be able to create absolutely this

1166
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:08,879
Speaker 2: character and really like dive into it. Like you've talked

1167
00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:12,319
Speaker 2: about recidivism a lot. You've looked into it, You've researched it. Like,

1168
00:48:12,680 --> 00:48:14,399
Speaker 2: I want you guys to know that Deval hasn't taken

1169
00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:17,680
Speaker 2: this role lightly either, because you know, it is a

1170
00:48:17,719 --> 00:48:20,000
Speaker 2: representation of what some people are dealing with.

1171
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:22,479
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know a lot of a lot of black

1172
00:48:22,480 --> 00:48:24,319
Speaker 4: men in this country. Yea, with recidivism.

1173
00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:24,600
Speaker 2: Yea.

1174
00:48:24,680 --> 00:48:27,640
Speaker 1: We don't talk about it, but incarceration in America is

1175
00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:31,200
Speaker 1: the highest amongst the world, and black men are incarcerated

1176
00:48:31,239 --> 00:48:34,319
Speaker 1: and an alarming rates seven times higher than their white counterparts.

1177
00:48:34,960 --> 00:48:36,960
Speaker 1: So it's important for us to share these stories but

1178
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:39,160
Speaker 1: also show the redemption of these stories and show that

1179
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:41,200
Speaker 1: these you know, these young men going through these are

1180
00:48:41,239 --> 00:48:43,520
Speaker 1: not perfect, but they do have traumas they're dealing with

1181
00:48:43,600 --> 00:48:45,359
Speaker 1: and while trying to deal with they have to deal

1182
00:48:45,400 --> 00:48:47,880
Speaker 1: with the real world. So for me, that's what Zach is,

1183
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:51,480
Speaker 1: That's who Zach is, you know, so great. Appreciate y'all, man.

1184
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:52,799
Speaker 3: That's a great note to end on.

1185
00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:53,759
Speaker 4: That's a good note to end on.

1186
00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:56,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, I appreciate you'all, mister and missus Green. I hope

1187
00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:58,560
Speaker 1: y'all are listening. Man, We love and appreciate you'all words,

1188
00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:01,440
Speaker 1: and we're gonna keep grinding Manna, keep doing what we're doing, keep.

1189
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:02,040
Speaker 4: Making y'all proud.

1190
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:05,759
Speaker 2: Absolutely all right, y'all, I hope that after listening to

1191
00:49:05,800 --> 00:49:08,960
Speaker 2: this episode, if you were thinking about writing into listener letters,

1192
00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:11,719
Speaker 2: that this has encouraged you again. A safe space for

1193
00:49:11,840 --> 00:49:15,000
Speaker 2: everyone who listens. We have love for all of you.

1194
00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:17,040
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter what you look like, who you with.

1195
00:49:17,480 --> 00:49:19,279
Speaker 2: You know the deval getting to gon rock with y'all.

1196
00:49:19,320 --> 00:49:21,200
Speaker 2: So please, if you want to be featured as one

1197
00:49:21,239 --> 00:49:23,839
Speaker 2: of our listener letters, be sure to email us at

1198
00:49:23,840 --> 00:49:26,000
Speaker 2: Deadass Advice at gmail dot com.

1199
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:27,960
Speaker 1: That's D E A D A S S A D

1200
00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:30,600
Speaker 1: V I C E at gmail dot com.

1201
00:49:30,640 --> 00:49:33,760
Speaker 3: All right, Moment of Truth time. It's our listening letter episodes.

1202
00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:35,480
Speaker 2: One of our most favorite every season. Yes, what you

1203
00:49:35,520 --> 00:49:37,240
Speaker 2: got to say to the people baby, very simple.

1204
00:49:37,320 --> 00:49:40,200
Speaker 1: Most problems can be solved with the conversation as long

1205
00:49:40,239 --> 00:49:42,680
Speaker 1: as both people are coming to the conversation with the

1206
00:49:42,680 --> 00:49:46,839
Speaker 1: willingness to understand and not just respond or judge.

1207
00:49:48,120 --> 00:49:49,960
Speaker 2: All right, and my moment of truth is I think

1208
00:49:50,080 --> 00:49:54,080
Speaker 2: the same every listener letter every season. You guys take

1209
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:56,880
Speaker 2: the time to write in, to give us your notes

1210
00:49:56,920 --> 00:50:00,239
Speaker 2: and ask the questions, and to also give us our flower.

1211
00:50:00,840 --> 00:50:03,160
Speaker 2: So I like to take this opportunity every season to

1212
00:50:03,200 --> 00:50:05,719
Speaker 2: give you all your flowers and to thank you for

1213
00:50:05,800 --> 00:50:08,719
Speaker 2: your continued love and your continued support, and your continued

1214
00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:11,239
Speaker 2: listens and you're continued sharing to people who you think

1215
00:50:11,280 --> 00:50:14,840
Speaker 2: may benefit from our podcast or just from our life,

1216
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:18,400
Speaker 2: our vlogs, our Patreon episodes. We really genuinely love and

1217
00:50:18,400 --> 00:50:22,000
Speaker 2: appreciate each and every one of you, and dead Ass Podcast,

1218
00:50:22,080 --> 00:50:24,840
Speaker 2: whether it's a live show, whether it's the podcast recorded audio,

1219
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:27,080
Speaker 2: is always going to be a safe space for all

1220
00:50:27,120 --> 00:50:29,120
Speaker 2: of our listeners and all of our supporters because we

1221
00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:31,360
Speaker 2: all family baby at this point, and I hope you

1222
00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:34,000
Speaker 2: know that we love you so much. All right, y'all,

1223
00:50:34,040 --> 00:50:36,560
Speaker 2: and be sure too find us on Patreon if you

1224
00:50:36,600 --> 00:50:38,440
Speaker 2: had not yet, shout out to all of our Patreon

1225
00:50:38,480 --> 00:50:39,359
Speaker 2: gang who were in their.

1226
00:50:39,320 --> 00:50:42,160
Speaker 3: Yellows this tour. Yeah, I loved to see.

1227
00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:44,080
Speaker 2: That was a great way to identify you all and

1228
00:50:44,120 --> 00:50:46,320
Speaker 2: to give you a little extra loving. You can find

1229
00:50:46,400 --> 00:50:49,480
Speaker 2: exclusive dead Ass Podcast video content there as well as

1230
00:50:49,640 --> 00:50:52,960
Speaker 2: exclusive Ellis family content, and then you can find us

1231
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:55,040
Speaker 2: on social media of course, dead Ass the Podcast.

1232
00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:56,800
Speaker 3: I'm Kadeen, I am.

1233
00:50:56,800 --> 00:50:59,239
Speaker 1: And I am devout and if you're listening on Apple podcasts.

1234
00:50:59,239 --> 00:51:02,400
Speaker 1: Be sure to rate, review, subscribe, and pick up your

1235
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:05,200
Speaker 1: copy of We Over Me, The counterintuitive approach to getting

1236
00:51:05,239 --> 00:51:07,520
Speaker 1: everything you want out of your relationship. It is a

1237
00:51:07,560 --> 00:51:15,040
Speaker 1: New York Times bestseller. It is our over a year anniversary.

1238
00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:13,920
Speaker 4: We Love Y'all.

1239
00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:15,960
Speaker 3: Dead Ass.

1240
00:51:17,320 --> 00:51:21,600
Speaker 1: Got dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network

1241
00:51:21,640 --> 00:51:24,840
Speaker 1: and its produced by Donor, Opinia and Triple Follow the

1242
00:51:24,840 --> 00:51:27,680
Speaker 1: podcast on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and

1243
00:51:27,760 --> 00:51:28,680
Speaker 1: Never miss a Thing