WEBVTT - How Zarna Got Her Groove Back 

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<v Speaker 1>There's a reason there's no one like me on earth

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<v Speaker 1>that does my kind of comedy. What it takes to

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<v Speaker 1>live that whole life and then to find the humor

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<v Speaker 1>out of it, and then to build something with it.

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<v Speaker 1>You building a comedy business to a stage where the

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<v Speaker 1>world even has any awareness that you exist is a

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<v Speaker 1>whole process that you have to learn how to create.

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<v Speaker 1>That is one of the bigger regrets of my life.

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<v Speaker 1>My only consolation is this that had I started sooner,

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<v Speaker 1>I would have been a voice like every other voice,

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<v Speaker 1>complaining about the same things, because I wouldn't have had

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<v Speaker 1>the perspective that I have today.

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<v Speaker 2>I can't believe I got to talk to today's guest.

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<v Speaker 2>To be honest, I don't think I've been this nervous

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<v Speaker 2>to interview a guest since Stacy Abrams, and that was

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<v Speaker 2>a couple of years ago, and I'll never forget leading

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<v Speaker 2>up to that interview, I had stress nightmares. But with Zarna,

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<v Speaker 2>this has been completely different. So Zarna has written this

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<v Speaker 2>incredible memoir and I'm not even gonna lie. I was

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<v Speaker 2>more of a fan of Zarna after I read this

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<v Speaker 2>memoir than I was before. I loved her comedy. I

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<v Speaker 2>think her comedy is very particular. It is smart, it

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<v Speaker 2>is witty, it's of course hilarious. As a mom myself,

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<v Speaker 2>I really appreciate a woman who is building a career

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<v Speaker 2>based on making fun of her kids, and I just

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<v Speaker 2>feel like that's my love language and the fact that

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<v Speaker 2>she's monetized it like that is the dream. But getting

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<v Speaker 2>to know her personal story, I mean, when you set

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<v Speaker 2>across from someone and you know their entire life story

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<v Speaker 2>because they have poured it out onto the page and

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<v Speaker 2>you get to see them and they're speaking to you

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<v Speaker 2>when so much was up against them from the moment

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<v Speaker 2>they were born. It is such a unique privilege, an

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<v Speaker 2>opportunity like Zarna exists the way that she exists, and

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<v Speaker 2>she put herself on this global stage in her forties, y'all,

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<v Speaker 2>her mid forties. Now she's in her fifth decade of life,

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<v Speaker 2>and her curve is soaring. She's developing a sitcom with

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<v Speaker 2>Mindy Kaling Kevin Hart. Like you know you're a big

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<v Speaker 2>deal when you got Mindy Kayling and Kevin Hart on

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<v Speaker 2>speed Dial. Okay, she has her own Amazon Prime special,

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<v Speaker 2>One in a Billion. She's got another one coming on

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<v Speaker 2>on Hulu. Zarnagarg Is that girl. All right, I embarrassed

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<v Speaker 2>the hell out of myself on the internet. After I

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<v Speaker 2>finished her memoir, I was listening to it, laughing my

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<v Speaker 2>ass off. When I was doing the dishes. My husband

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<v Speaker 2>would be like, what are you doing over there? What

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<v Speaker 2>are you listening to? And I'm like, I can't stop.

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't want to stop to explain to him what

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<v Speaker 2>I was listening to because it was that good and

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<v Speaker 2>I was so in the story with Zarna. So her

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<v Speaker 2>memoir tells her life story from growing up the daughter,

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<v Speaker 2>the oopsie, the oopsie daughter in her blended family in

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<v Speaker 2>Mumbai in India. She really was left to her own devices,

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<v Speaker 2>but in the meantime she flourished, like she turned into

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<v Speaker 2>the most extraordinary, resilient intelligence and hilarious, warm hearted, good

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<v Speaker 2>hearted human being. And you'll hear about her journey to America,

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<v Speaker 2>what brought her here, and how she's built her family here.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just gonna stop talking now so you can listen

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<v Speaker 2>to Zarna and I and I just hope that you

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<v Speaker 2>check out her memoir. I hope that it touches you

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<v Speaker 2>the way that it touched me, and that you honestly

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<v Speaker 2>leave this conversation feeling inspired ba fam the way that

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<v Speaker 2>I was to not let age or life circumstance or

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<v Speaker 2>any vision of well I should have done this by now,

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<v Speaker 2>So it's too late for me. Throw that out the

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<v Speaker 2>damn window. Because Zarna gives each of us permission to

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<v Speaker 2>put ourselves out there and try something new, fail fast,

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<v Speaker 2>try hard, keep going, embrace the failure because one day

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<v Speaker 2>you will fly. And it's all down to Zarna and

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<v Speaker 2>the insight, the wisdom, the passion, the levity, the heart.

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<v Speaker 2>She brings to this conversation, to this book, to her work.

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<v Speaker 2>Enjoying my interview with Zarnagard, how do you feel New

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<v Speaker 2>York Times bestseller?

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<v Speaker 1>You know, I have a real resistance to calling myself

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<v Speaker 1>a writer or an author. I just am not able

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<v Speaker 1>to do it.

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<v Speaker 2>I heard.

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<v Speaker 1>I feel good that somebody's enjoying the book.

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<v Speaker 2>So what do you consider? I guess labels don't matter, but.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know. In my head, I'm running a tech company.

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<v Speaker 1>In my head, I'm a software engineer.

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<v Speaker 2>You've talked about that. I mean that was like the

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<v Speaker 2>resistance your whole life. As we talk about your family

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<v Speaker 2>chastising you, calling you like, oh, who do you think

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<v Speaker 2>you are? An American woman and being even like hearing

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<v Speaker 2>from your English teacher that you were a great writer

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<v Speaker 2>and almost being ashamed of that.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, oh frightened. It was beyond shape. I was like,

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<v Speaker 1>if my parents find out, I'm gonna be in so

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<v Speaker 1>much trouble.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you know I went to Burns and Noble and

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<v Speaker 2>got this today.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>I listened to the audiobook because I knew it was

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<v Speaker 2>gonna be good. I listened to the whole thing. And

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<v Speaker 2>that is how I caught myself crying in the day

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<v Speaker 2>care parking lot when I mean, I couldn't have like

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<v Speaker 2>planned it more perfectly or imperfectly. Is that I literally

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<v Speaker 2>was listening to the final chapter where you're thanking your

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<v Speaker 2>brother and the loop is being the circle is being completed.

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<v Speaker 2>You're bringing us back to that like sibling connection, and

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<v Speaker 2>I am just ugly crying, Oh.

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<v Speaker 1>My god, thank you. And that's the kind of comic

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<v Speaker 1>I am.

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<v Speaker 2>It's so but it's so it hurts so good. It's

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<v Speaker 2>the pay. It's like why you want. I mean, I girl,

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<v Speaker 2>you're a writer. I don't care what you say. That's

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<v Speaker 2>why I read books. I mean, that's why I love

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<v Speaker 2>stories so much. And I'm just so grateful, and I

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<v Speaker 2>was like, oh, I'll get a couple of copies. I'll

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<v Speaker 2>give it to a friend. But I don't think so,

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<v Speaker 2>because the book has pictures, the actual physical book. So

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<v Speaker 2>now I have this is like, you need the audio book,

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<v Speaker 2>you need the physical book. You need them both because

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<v Speaker 2>they each have a little something different.

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<v Speaker 1>We did. We tried to create two different and unique experiences,

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<v Speaker 1>so the book had photos all along and just trying

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<v Speaker 1>to give god text to the story. Actually it wasn't

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<v Speaker 1>about like, look at me, I'm famous, because I don't

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<v Speaker 1>even think I'm famous. But I felt like if I'm

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<v Speaker 1>telling the story and if I have some sort of

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<v Speaker 1>photo to give context to it, it would be more

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<v Speaker 1>fun for the for the reader. But then when we

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<v Speaker 1>did the audio, I realized that the book people got

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<v Speaker 1>something that the audio people won't. So we decided to

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<v Speaker 1>do the family essays and that extra because it didn't

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<v Speaker 1>feel right and I want it. I wanted each person

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<v Speaker 1>to have their full experience of the Zara story.

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<v Speaker 2>I did. I enjoyed. I had to wait for the

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<v Speaker 2>family essays. It's a bit of a letdown. No offense

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<v Speaker 2>to your beautiful husband, your son, Fridge. I just wanted

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<v Speaker 2>to sit in my zarna love and so I did

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<v Speaker 2>eventually get to them. I thought it was wonderful. So

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<v Speaker 2>there's no getting around it. You are brilliant in your

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<v Speaker 2>First of all, you are law school educated. You're educated

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<v Speaker 2>out the wazoo, because of course you are an immigrant,

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<v Speaker 2>Like that's just coming.

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<v Speaker 1>That's what you know. You don't know anything else. So

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<v Speaker 1>you're like, go to school.

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<v Speaker 2>You've been raised, you know, an entrepreneurial family and used

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<v Speaker 2>to read what was at the Indian Times, the.

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<v Speaker 1>Times of India, the Times of India. I still do

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<v Speaker 1>every single But how old were.

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<v Speaker 2>You when you started? You were like five or something.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I feel like the moment I opened

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<v Speaker 1>my eyes, I started reading books and newspaper. I'm much

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<v Speaker 1>more a current events girl. I'm not as much a

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<v Speaker 1>literature girl. Like I haven't read every great literary class.

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<v Speaker 1>I've read many of them, but that's not my obsession.

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<v Speaker 1>My obsession is more every day of what's happening in

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<v Speaker 1>the world. Who said, what, where's the war happening? Why

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<v Speaker 1>is it happening? That type of stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like your feet are so grounded in reality and

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<v Speaker 2>have been from such a young age. And I think,

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, I just I wish, I honestly like as

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<v Speaker 2>much as I am happy to know you now, I've

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<v Speaker 2>never wanted to meet a five year old kid more

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<v Speaker 2>than like five year old Zarni and I actually have

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<v Speaker 2>a five year old. And I think part of the

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<v Speaker 2>reason why I was so emotionally just impacted by your

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<v Speaker 2>work is because I am in so many ways like

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<v Speaker 2>living a similar I mean, that's obviously so different in

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of ways, but raising young kids, but I

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<v Speaker 2>completely I resonate with, like the financial challenges of raising children,

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm not even trying to put my kids in

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<v Speaker 2>private school.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't do it a forty k year spoiler alert for

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<v Speaker 1>those who want to read the book. That whole chapter

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<v Speaker 1>I wrote for my fellow Tristate area moms because shed

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<v Speaker 1>moms to know the truth of what I went through,

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<v Speaker 1>what I felt, and how you actually didn't. I didn't

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<v Speaker 1>need to put myself through any of them. I just

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<v Speaker 1>did it to myself, yeah, you know, and I really

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<v Speaker 1>wrote it because that is something I deal with every day.

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<v Speaker 1>Every day. I have a mom talk to me about

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<v Speaker 1>how she's dying under the burden of this price tag,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's insane and every day I'm trying to help

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<v Speaker 1>somebody like navigate what's the better option around wherever she lives.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, listen, like you said, four, I know, since so

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<v Speaker 2>you put your kids through this, you know, private school

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<v Speaker 2>on the Upper East Side? Was it in Manhattan? You

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<v Speaker 2>have three children? But not all three of them went?

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<v Speaker 2>It was your first two, right?

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<v Speaker 1>All three?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, all three went?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay? And I have to take all three out.

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<v Speaker 2>Damn it. And and I I love the scrappiness of

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<v Speaker 2>that story of you getting your kids into the New

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<v Speaker 2>York public school system because I know how challenging it is.

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<v Speaker 2>And I too was so confused because I'm from Georgia,

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<v Speaker 2>which which is similar to I mean, it's like every

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<v Speaker 2>other state, like where do you live? This is your school? Congratulations,

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<v Speaker 2>not New York, not in New York. And so once

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<v Speaker 2>you're in that system, how like how toxic it is

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<v Speaker 2>and how they just they know they have you by

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<v Speaker 2>the you know what's and that like mister potato head,

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<v Speaker 2>which is what you've you know, for legal reasons, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>sure call the what the director of admissions or whatever

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<v Speaker 2>thinks he's the king of everything of this this private school.

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<v Speaker 2>But forty k a year for kindergarten. I know it's

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<v Speaker 2>like double.

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<v Speaker 1>That now seventy yeah, Jesus, so I pay.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't even want to think. But daycare, you have

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<v Speaker 2>to understand. So did you ever pay for your kids.

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<v Speaker 1>Daycare were little? So that's too expensive, that's true. But

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<v Speaker 1>at least there's no other alternative to daycare. There's just

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<v Speaker 1>not there's no place to put a six month old

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<v Speaker 1>or ten month old. And I get it, and there

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<v Speaker 1>actually I know what they're doing, like there's a human

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<v Speaker 1>being taking care of two, three, four five babies at

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<v Speaker 1>a time. The private school thing, I just don't get,

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<v Speaker 1>Like algebra has not changed in one hundred years. Why

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<v Speaker 1>it has become so prohibitive. It's become a status symbol.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like buying a Gucci bag, Dacre. I've paid two

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<v Speaker 1>and it's very, very very expensive for sure, and luckily

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<v Speaker 1>it's a limited time and then you transition to school

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<v Speaker 1>and then that's where it needs to be. You don't

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<v Speaker 1>write that kind of check for anything else. You do

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<v Speaker 1>it for your kids.

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<v Speaker 2>You can't fathom you breaking out into the comedy scene.

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<v Speaker 2>You were forty something, forty forty four, forty four and

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<v Speaker 2>you doing it not just I mean, I know you

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<v Speaker 2>started a little bit before the pandemic, and then your

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<v Speaker 2>husband lost his job, and then it became less about

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<v Speaker 2>you exploring this new path and being like, oh, I

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<v Speaker 2>now I'm going to save the family with this career.

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<v Speaker 2>You felt called to do it, but the level of

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<v Speaker 2>courage to break out and try something different at that

0:11:03.000 --> 0:11:05.720
<v Speaker 2>stage in life when you talk about feeling as if

0:11:05.800 --> 0:11:07.240
<v Speaker 2>you were a stay at home mom for all those

0:11:07.320 --> 0:11:10.120
<v Speaker 2>year sixteen something years that you talk about, feeling like

0:11:10.160 --> 0:11:12.000
<v Speaker 2>the rest of the world had moved on, and how

0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:15.040
<v Speaker 2>you were kind of left behind, I mean, it resonated

0:11:15.160 --> 0:11:17.720
<v Speaker 2>so much. Do you still look back at those years

0:11:17.800 --> 0:11:19.560
<v Speaker 2>when you were a stay at home mom with all

0:11:19.640 --> 0:11:23.000
<v Speaker 2>this talent and all this untapped intelligence in your mind?

0:11:23.080 --> 0:11:25.960
<v Speaker 2>You look back and wonder what if I had started sooner?

0:11:26.280 --> 0:11:27.920
<v Speaker 2>Or are you all peace.

0:11:27.880 --> 0:11:30.960
<v Speaker 1>All the time? I have so many regrets, even though

0:11:31.000 --> 0:11:33.560
<v Speaker 1>you shouldn't have regrets and you shouldn't look back. And

0:11:33.640 --> 0:11:35.840
<v Speaker 1>everybody says that, and I say it to other people.

0:11:36.280 --> 0:11:39.480
<v Speaker 1>No one wins against age, so it's like a thing.

0:11:39.760 --> 0:11:42.680
<v Speaker 1>My only consolation is that I really wouldn't have the

0:11:42.760 --> 0:11:45.240
<v Speaker 1>stories that I have today. There's a reason there's no

0:11:45.320 --> 0:11:48.240
<v Speaker 1>one like me on earth that does my kind of comedy.

0:11:48.360 --> 0:11:51.440
<v Speaker 1>It's not just here, it's no one in India, there's

0:11:51.440 --> 0:11:54.640
<v Speaker 1>no one in all of Asia. Because what it takes

0:11:54.760 --> 0:11:57.920
<v Speaker 1>to live that whole life and then to find the

0:11:58.000 --> 0:12:00.960
<v Speaker 1>humor out of it and then to build something with it,

0:12:01.000 --> 0:12:05.120
<v Speaker 1>those are all individual, huge, humongous steps that you have

0:12:05.200 --> 0:12:08.440
<v Speaker 1>to take. If building a comedy business to a stage

0:12:08.480 --> 0:12:11.559
<v Speaker 1>where the world even has any awareness that you exist

0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:14.440
<v Speaker 1>is a whole process that you have to learn how

0:12:14.480 --> 0:12:17.800
<v Speaker 1>to create. So I have a lot of regrets, but

0:12:17.880 --> 0:12:20.800
<v Speaker 1>I really do work on not dwelling on them. It's

0:12:20.800 --> 0:12:22.920
<v Speaker 1>a constant battle though. That is one of the bigger

0:12:22.960 --> 0:12:25.400
<v Speaker 1>regrets of my life. My only consolation is this that

0:12:25.559 --> 0:12:28.040
<v Speaker 1>had I started sooner, I would have been a voice

0:12:28.120 --> 0:12:31.480
<v Speaker 1>like every other voice, complaining about the same things, because

0:12:31.520 --> 0:12:34.120
<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't have had the perspective that I have today

0:12:34.240 --> 0:12:37.040
<v Speaker 1>as the mother of these grown kids, having gone through

0:12:37.080 --> 0:12:39.800
<v Speaker 1>this whole cycle, and that that was the gift that

0:12:39.880 --> 0:12:43.440
<v Speaker 1>Destiny decided to give me, and I have to accept

0:12:43.480 --> 0:12:46.480
<v Speaker 1>it in grace and not be a brat about it.

0:12:46.559 --> 0:12:48.760
<v Speaker 2>Okay, ba fam, I don't want to, but we got

0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:50.280
<v Speaker 2>to take a break. We got to pay some bills.

0:12:50.400 --> 0:12:52.960
<v Speaker 2>Zarna would not be happy with me if she knew

0:12:53.160 --> 0:12:55.319
<v Speaker 2>that I wasn't going to monetize this episode, because she

0:12:55.440 --> 0:12:57.920
<v Speaker 2>is all about that money. Honey. I'll be right back

0:12:57.960 --> 0:13:00.920
<v Speaker 2>with more of my chat with the ZARNI you're making

0:13:00.960 --> 0:13:03.960
<v Speaker 2>me like want to own my momminess. I struggle with

0:13:04.000 --> 0:13:07.160
<v Speaker 2>this a little bit, so I and also so many

0:13:07.160 --> 0:13:09.600
<v Speaker 2>things I want to say, But I want to first

0:13:09.600 --> 0:13:10.839
<v Speaker 2>of all, I want to let you know that from

0:13:10.880 --> 0:13:13.880
<v Speaker 2>the other side, looking at your journey, I'm like, maybe

0:13:13.880 --> 0:13:15.520
<v Speaker 2>that's the way to do it. I should have married

0:13:15.520 --> 0:13:18.120
<v Speaker 2>a rich wall streeter. I should have like had the

0:13:18.200 --> 0:13:20.559
<v Speaker 2>kids and been the stay at home mom because I'm

0:13:20.600 --> 0:13:22.600
<v Speaker 2>a dummy. I feel like a dummy. I'm like trying

0:13:22.600 --> 0:13:25.160
<v Speaker 2>to do it all at the same times. Arna, I

0:13:25.200 --> 0:13:25.720
<v Speaker 2>am God.

0:13:25.920 --> 0:13:27.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, let's get into it.

0:13:28.360 --> 0:13:30.560
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, my husband's texted me, now what time?

0:13:30.600 --> 0:13:33.240
<v Speaker 2>I don't listen. My husband literally just texted me, what

0:13:33.320 --> 0:13:35.040
<v Speaker 2>time are you gonna pick the kids up? Don't know,

0:13:35.120 --> 0:13:37.920
<v Speaker 2>don't care. I'm talking to Arna. I don't know. But

0:13:38.040 --> 0:13:41.480
<v Speaker 2>it's so hard, it's so bad, and I don't have

0:13:41.520 --> 0:13:43.600
<v Speaker 2>a village. My mommy doesn't live here, you know.

0:13:44.040 --> 0:13:47.040
<v Speaker 1>Thank God, I have one village who came up with that.

0:13:47.200 --> 0:13:49.920
<v Speaker 1>I was always looking, I was where is the village?

0:13:50.600 --> 0:13:54.280
<v Speaker 2>Well, everywhere but America. That's like you know, you've you've

0:13:54.280 --> 0:13:56.320
<v Speaker 2>talked about wanting to have I listened to your Your

0:13:56.360 --> 0:13:59.160
<v Speaker 2>Family podcast, which is so cute. What a great memory

0:13:59.200 --> 0:14:02.160
<v Speaker 2>for your kids. Eventually, one day they'll probably well hopefully.

0:14:01.720 --> 0:14:04.000
<v Speaker 1>They not don't get canceled out of the job market, but.

0:14:04.040 --> 0:14:09.240
<v Speaker 2>Okay, well they'll probably be business entrepreneurs anymore. Uh. But

0:14:09.480 --> 0:14:13.760
<v Speaker 2>like you talk about wanting to wage war on American motherhood, Yeah,

0:14:13.840 --> 0:14:15.680
<v Speaker 2>can we wage that work? Do you need recruits?

0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:19.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? I mean, don't you think it's it's insane that

0:14:19.120 --> 0:14:24.040
<v Speaker 1>this way to fulfill all the obligations to everybody's satisfaction.

0:14:24.600 --> 0:14:28.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm constantly even today letting some teachers down in my kids'

0:14:28.800 --> 0:14:31.040
<v Speaker 1>school because I didn't show up for this that or

0:14:31.040 --> 0:14:34.160
<v Speaker 1>the other thing, or you know, forgetting something work wise

0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:36.840
<v Speaker 1>because something at my kids school took over and like

0:14:36.880 --> 0:14:39.640
<v Speaker 1>completely consume me. There's no way. And I have so

0:14:39.760 --> 0:14:42.440
<v Speaker 1>much empathy for where you are, Mandy. I've been there,

0:14:42.480 --> 0:14:45.200
<v Speaker 1>and it's it just feels like it's it's going to

0:14:45.320 --> 0:14:47.960
<v Speaker 1>drown you. It feels like it's gonna drown you. And

0:14:48.040 --> 0:14:51.320
<v Speaker 1>the one big gift of my career right now that

0:14:51.400 --> 0:14:54.360
<v Speaker 1>has been unexpected because I didn't see it until somebody

0:14:54.360 --> 0:14:56.680
<v Speaker 1>mentioned it to me, is that a lot of young

0:14:56.760 --> 0:15:00.000
<v Speaker 1>moms like yourself with young kids are actually taking up

0:15:00.320 --> 0:15:02.400
<v Speaker 1>and saying, you know what, maybe we should take a

0:15:02.440 --> 0:15:05.720
<v Speaker 1>break or go slow these years because I can come

0:15:05.760 --> 0:15:08.600
<v Speaker 1>back and have a real career. And this is something

0:15:08.720 --> 0:15:12.560
<v Speaker 1>they are learning from me that it is possible. It's

0:15:12.600 --> 0:15:15.360
<v Speaker 1>not easy. Nothing in life is easy, but it is

0:15:15.480 --> 0:15:17.720
<v Speaker 1>possible to be that mom when you need to be

0:15:17.800 --> 0:15:20.080
<v Speaker 1>that mom if you can afford to be that mom,

0:15:20.280 --> 0:15:22.360
<v Speaker 1>or whatever version of it you can afford to be.

0:15:22.760 --> 0:15:25.400
<v Speaker 1>And then say that once these kids are out of

0:15:25.560 --> 0:15:30.160
<v Speaker 1>this certain stage, I'm gonna go all in because it's very,

0:15:30.280 --> 0:15:32.440
<v Speaker 1>very hard. But it's a hard thing. It was very

0:15:32.480 --> 0:15:35.560
<v Speaker 1>hard for me, it still is. I travel. The only

0:15:35.600 --> 0:15:37.680
<v Speaker 1>way to make a living really as a comic is

0:15:37.720 --> 0:15:39.960
<v Speaker 1>to be on the road. So it's a concept. I

0:15:40.000 --> 0:15:43.680
<v Speaker 1>still have a thirteen year old son at home, which everywhere,

0:15:43.800 --> 0:15:46.080
<v Speaker 1>no matter what time zone I'm in, I'm like, did

0:15:46.080 --> 0:15:48.560
<v Speaker 1>you eat? Did you feel this paper? Your teacher when

0:15:48.600 --> 0:15:50.560
<v Speaker 1>they called they don't know where I am I'll get

0:15:50.560 --> 0:15:52.960
<v Speaker 1>a call at two am in Hawaii because I'm there

0:15:53.000 --> 0:15:55.920
<v Speaker 1>for a work I'm not there to hang out, and

0:15:56.040 --> 0:15:57.880
<v Speaker 1>my phone will ring. And you know when your kids

0:15:57.960 --> 0:15:59.680
<v Speaker 1>school calls, you just jump up.

0:16:00.120 --> 0:16:03.200
<v Speaker 2>Yes, it's stressful, and you don't know what time it is.

0:16:03.240 --> 0:16:05.160
<v Speaker 2>You're trying to think backwards, like wait, is this is

0:16:05.200 --> 0:16:06.160
<v Speaker 2>he in school? Is this thing?

0:16:06.640 --> 0:16:09.600
<v Speaker 1>Like immediately i'mause, okay, okay, are you okay? Did everything

0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:13.360
<v Speaker 1>you know? And it's like that's all our lives. So

0:16:13.440 --> 0:16:16.400
<v Speaker 1>you the thing you have to do is give yourself grace.

0:16:16.440 --> 0:16:19.480
<v Speaker 1>And also, no one else will if you don't give

0:16:19.520 --> 0:16:22.560
<v Speaker 1>yourself grace and take care of yourself. However that self

0:16:22.560 --> 0:16:25.840
<v Speaker 1>care is no one will do it for you. No

0:16:25.880 --> 0:16:27.840
<v Speaker 1>one in this country is going to ask the mother,

0:16:28.000 --> 0:16:31.160
<v Speaker 1>what do you need? That is gone. Even the politicians say,

0:16:31.160 --> 0:16:33.800
<v Speaker 1>oh lie, you know that, Oh we're gonna do this

0:16:33.840 --> 0:16:35.240
<v Speaker 1>for the moms. They're doing nothing.

0:16:35.680 --> 0:16:37.000
<v Speaker 2>You and I are in the same page when I

0:16:37.040 --> 0:16:38.720
<v Speaker 2>heard you say, no one gets a shot moms, No

0:16:38.720 --> 0:16:40.800
<v Speaker 2>one gets a shop moms or kids in this country,

0:16:41.080 --> 0:16:41.880
<v Speaker 2>like full stop.

0:16:43.040 --> 0:16:45.880
<v Speaker 1>Unfortunately women neither. So it's like a triple web.

0:16:47.720 --> 0:16:50.480
<v Speaker 2>And you're and you know, you're like it's the biggest

0:16:50.640 --> 0:16:53.000
<v Speaker 2>let down. But it's also there's this part in the book.

0:16:53.040 --> 0:16:54.920
<v Speaker 2>You have all these great quotes. I love that you

0:16:55.000 --> 0:16:57.640
<v Speaker 2>quote yourself too. You're like, yes, this is my wisdom.

0:16:57.720 --> 0:17:01.000
<v Speaker 2>It's pain. You say, pain is my destiny and my

0:17:01.080 --> 0:17:04.440
<v Speaker 2>company and my affinity. Embracing pain and not wasting time

0:17:04.520 --> 0:17:07.240
<v Speaker 2>wondering why me will put you on the fast track

0:17:07.560 --> 0:17:11.560
<v Speaker 2>to success. And I think, as a mom, I've stopped

0:17:11.960 --> 0:17:16.040
<v Speaker 2>expecting anyone else to make it easier, and.

0:17:16.480 --> 0:17:18.280
<v Speaker 1>You may as well, because it's not going to happen.

0:17:18.480 --> 0:17:20.280
<v Speaker 1>In my experience, it's not going to happen.

0:17:20.920 --> 0:17:23.520
<v Speaker 2>Now, Well, talk to me about you're raising your kids

0:17:23.560 --> 0:17:27.400
<v Speaker 2>on the Upper East Side of Manhattan and you are

0:17:27.440 --> 0:17:29.480
<v Speaker 2>putting them in these fancy schools and all of that.

0:17:29.600 --> 0:17:31.440
<v Speaker 2>How did you connect with the other moms? Like were

0:17:31.520 --> 0:17:33.800
<v Speaker 2>there other moms like you so.

0:17:34.040 --> 0:17:36.879
<v Speaker 1>In the fancy, expensive schools. I knew I was a

0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:39.800
<v Speaker 1>misfit on day one, Like I just knew that this,

0:17:40.040 --> 0:17:43.480
<v Speaker 1>Like I really thought, Oh, for my kid's future, this

0:17:43.600 --> 0:17:45.359
<v Speaker 1>is what I have to do. I don't relate to

0:17:45.400 --> 0:17:49.120
<v Speaker 1>any of these people, but this is where good education is.

0:17:50.160 --> 0:17:52.800
<v Speaker 1>So we're going to do this. And as time wre on,

0:17:53.560 --> 0:17:56.560
<v Speaker 1>what I learned is that what they consider education and

0:17:56.600 --> 0:17:59.760
<v Speaker 1>what I consider education but just two different things. To me,

0:17:59.840 --> 0:18:03.360
<v Speaker 1>that felt like a country club and everything was the

0:18:03.400 --> 0:18:06.600
<v Speaker 1>axis was revolving around, like we need to have these

0:18:06.640 --> 0:18:10.159
<v Speaker 1>many days off, extra days off because we need to

0:18:10.160 --> 0:18:13.159
<v Speaker 1>be able to travel to all these exotic locations, Like

0:18:13.200 --> 0:18:15.520
<v Speaker 1>that would never factor in the life that I live.

0:18:15.840 --> 0:18:18.520
<v Speaker 1>The life that I live, I work every single day,

0:18:18.560 --> 0:18:22.840
<v Speaker 1>even now every holiday, every every day I'm working. It

0:18:22.880 --> 0:18:25.160
<v Speaker 1>never occurs to me that I should take extra time

0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:27.320
<v Speaker 1>off to fly to the other side of earth. Like

0:18:27.320 --> 0:18:29.520
<v Speaker 1>if I really really want to take a vacation, I

0:18:29.600 --> 0:18:32.320
<v Speaker 1>fly to Florida three hours. Like my math is already

0:18:32.359 --> 0:18:34.800
<v Speaker 1>doing all the calculation and how much time this is

0:18:34.800 --> 0:18:39.160
<v Speaker 1>gonna take. So what I learned very early is that

0:18:39.400 --> 0:18:43.520
<v Speaker 1>this type of schooling is not only not giving the

0:18:43.640 --> 0:18:47.680
<v Speaker 1>education that I value, which is very basic, hardcore math,

0:18:47.800 --> 0:18:51.320
<v Speaker 1>science reading, Like I don't need the fluff. I don't

0:18:51.359 --> 0:18:54.800
<v Speaker 1>want the class in Japanese that two kids are gonna

0:18:54.840 --> 0:18:57.320
<v Speaker 1>take and the school is very proud to offer. I

0:18:57.400 --> 0:19:00.800
<v Speaker 1>just want you to teach my kids the basics. And

0:19:01.520 --> 0:19:04.800
<v Speaker 1>so what I found is that they don't actually care

0:19:04.840 --> 0:19:07.600
<v Speaker 1>about the basics. They spend a lot of money on

0:19:07.640 --> 0:19:11.160
<v Speaker 1>all these exotic things and additions that I don't care about.

0:19:11.440 --> 0:19:14.320
<v Speaker 1>And mostly I felt like the one thing that made

0:19:14.359 --> 0:19:17.520
<v Speaker 1>New York New York I was losing in private school,

0:19:18.040 --> 0:19:22.000
<v Speaker 1>I was losing the entire grittiness of it. The whole

0:19:22.040 --> 0:19:25.600
<v Speaker 1>school is constantly working to remove every weed off the

0:19:25.720 --> 0:19:28.959
<v Speaker 1>road for the kids, and to me, the education is

0:19:29.040 --> 0:19:32.679
<v Speaker 1>in the weeds. The education is in the everyday, daily

0:19:32.680 --> 0:19:36.120
<v Speaker 1>frustrations of how do you do thick For example, the

0:19:36.359 --> 0:19:39.359
<v Speaker 1>experience that you just shared right now, where you don't

0:19:39.400 --> 0:19:41.360
<v Speaker 1>have a village, you're running to your mother in law

0:19:41.400 --> 0:19:44.320
<v Speaker 1>dropping a kid. Then the school is closed. As painful

0:19:44.359 --> 0:19:46.400
<v Speaker 1>as it is in the moment, and I know it's

0:19:46.480 --> 0:19:49.680
<v Speaker 1>very painful, I've lived it. Believe me, when you come

0:19:49.720 --> 0:19:52.240
<v Speaker 1>out from the other side of it, having lived through

0:19:52.280 --> 0:19:54.800
<v Speaker 1>this is going to make you a better not only

0:19:54.840 --> 0:19:57.520
<v Speaker 1>a better human being, because who cares about that, it's

0:19:57.560 --> 0:20:00.000
<v Speaker 1>going to make you a better business person.

0:20:00.080 --> 0:20:02.040
<v Speaker 2>Going to say, we'll make me some money. By the way,

0:20:02.200 --> 0:20:03.160
<v Speaker 2>I were green for you.

0:20:03.359 --> 0:20:06.240
<v Speaker 1>I love it. I was like, I've been so admiring im.

0:20:06.760 --> 0:20:07.480
<v Speaker 1>She looks good.

0:20:07.840 --> 0:20:11.000
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, for you, I will put on a lip.

0:20:11.119 --> 0:20:12.640
<v Speaker 1>I feel so honored.

0:20:12.480 --> 0:20:14.439
<v Speaker 2>I've already been to Barnes and Noble. This morning, I

0:20:14.440 --> 0:20:16.360
<v Speaker 2>put on a red lip. I was like skipping through

0:20:16.400 --> 0:20:17.800
<v Speaker 2>lambs buying.

0:20:17.640 --> 0:20:20.159
<v Speaker 1>The book at Barnes and Noble. I was so frustrated

0:20:20.200 --> 0:20:22.879
<v Speaker 1>because the week we hit the New York Times Bestseller list,

0:20:23.040 --> 0:20:25.240
<v Speaker 1>they put all the other books out on the best

0:20:25.240 --> 0:20:26.600
<v Speaker 1>seller table and not ours.

0:20:27.000 --> 0:20:29.199
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to make you upset because I fixed it,

0:20:29.760 --> 0:20:32.639
<v Speaker 2>But do you know where I found your book? I

0:20:32.680 --> 0:20:34.640
<v Speaker 2>looked at all you know, they had that big display,

0:20:35.000 --> 0:20:37.360
<v Speaker 2>and I live in a really diverse area. I'm like, oh,

0:20:37.440 --> 0:20:40.280
<v Speaker 2>you know, I expect to see a diverse selection, and

0:20:40.320 --> 0:20:42.399
<v Speaker 2>they have one. But I wasn't seeing your book anywhere.

0:20:42.400 --> 0:20:43.680
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I can't be missing this. This is a

0:20:43.840 --> 0:20:46.320
<v Speaker 2>This cover is extraordinary. And the kind woman at the

0:20:46.359 --> 0:20:48.880
<v Speaker 2>front desk, she was or at the cashier, she was like, oh, yeah,

0:20:48.880 --> 0:20:51.000
<v Speaker 2>it's back. There's like a pillar in the humor section.

0:20:51.280 --> 0:20:54.040
<v Speaker 2>While the humor section is like the skinniest column on

0:20:54.119 --> 0:20:56.960
<v Speaker 2>the back of a thing, it wasn't facing out. I

0:20:57.000 --> 0:20:58.960
<v Speaker 2>was like, this is a New York Times bestseller. So

0:20:59.040 --> 0:21:00.640
<v Speaker 2>I took the copies that were there and I move

0:21:00.680 --> 0:21:02.160
<v Speaker 2>them to the new and Noteworthy table.

0:21:02.240 --> 0:21:07.720
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, you're so sweet. But this is this

0:21:07.800 --> 0:21:10.320
<v Speaker 1>is a thing. The system is not designed to help us.

0:21:10.600 --> 0:21:13.080
<v Speaker 1>And I hit the metric just like every other book,

0:21:13.320 --> 0:21:15.399
<v Speaker 1>because in the past they would be like, well, you know,

0:21:15.440 --> 0:21:18.399
<v Speaker 1>no one's buying it, but we're out selling almost every book.

0:21:18.440 --> 0:21:20.520
<v Speaker 1>Like if you look on Amazon, it's a best seller.

0:21:20.560 --> 0:21:23.679
<v Speaker 1>Now three four weeks later, we're hitting every metric. But

0:21:23.880 --> 0:21:26.080
<v Speaker 1>the system is not designed to help us. Like they

0:21:26.119 --> 0:21:29.640
<v Speaker 1>get a list from their you know, superiors or whoever,

0:21:30.160 --> 0:21:32.800
<v Speaker 1>and the list is usually names that they recognize. They

0:21:32.840 --> 0:21:35.280
<v Speaker 1>don't recognize the names Arena, so they're like, oh, just

0:21:35.280 --> 0:21:37.800
<v Speaker 1>stick her in the back somewhere. And this is something

0:21:37.840 --> 0:21:40.040
<v Speaker 1>also I deal with all the time, and I just

0:21:40.119 --> 0:21:42.399
<v Speaker 1>choose to see the humor in it because there is

0:21:42.440 --> 0:21:45.040
<v Speaker 1>no point yelling and screaming about all this. There's just

0:21:45.080 --> 0:21:48.239
<v Speaker 1>no point. It's not going to resolve the issue. I

0:21:48.400 --> 0:21:51.280
<v Speaker 1>choose to come with love, even though it does infuriate me.

0:21:52.040 --> 0:21:54.600
<v Speaker 1>It does infuriate me that like, why aren't you just

0:21:54.640 --> 0:21:57.639
<v Speaker 1>giving me equal treatment? I'm not asking for anything better.

0:21:57.920 --> 0:22:01.679
<v Speaker 2>But let's cover. Yeah, how do you how do you

0:22:01.720 --> 0:22:04.399
<v Speaker 2>make a cover like that? Did I just have someone

0:22:04.440 --> 0:22:05.520
<v Speaker 2>in a green hoodie?

0:22:05.760 --> 0:22:08.840
<v Speaker 1>I was a big guy and a cat stainted green,

0:22:09.080 --> 0:22:11.760
<v Speaker 1>and he had to like lift me so we could

0:22:11.760 --> 0:22:15.879
<v Speaker 1>get I was so scary. I was, guy's gonna break

0:22:15.920 --> 0:22:19.320
<v Speaker 1>his back? What are we doing? And the photographer was like,

0:22:19.480 --> 0:22:21.280
<v Speaker 1>just we're gonna get it. We're gonna get it. And

0:22:21.320 --> 0:22:23.760
<v Speaker 1>then I had to like kick my leg up in

0:22:23.800 --> 0:22:25.800
<v Speaker 1>the air. And I don't do this stuff, you know.

0:22:25.840 --> 0:22:28.080
<v Speaker 1>I just stand like a goofball and smile with my

0:22:28.160 --> 0:22:31.640
<v Speaker 1>mouth open, my teeth showing. So I I but he

0:22:31.760 --> 0:22:35.240
<v Speaker 1>was the photographer whose vision it was. C. J. Burton,

0:22:35.359 --> 0:22:38.040
<v Speaker 1>this digital photographer in la is such a nice guy.

0:22:38.240 --> 0:22:41.359
<v Speaker 1>He was like, you, I was very intent on having

0:22:41.359 --> 0:22:44.000
<v Speaker 1>a fun cover. What I didn't want is like, you know,

0:22:44.040 --> 0:22:47.080
<v Speaker 1>a lot of biographies and memoirs will have the close

0:22:47.160 --> 0:22:50.680
<v Speaker 1>up of the author's face and it's very deep in thought,

0:22:50.720 --> 0:22:54.200
<v Speaker 1>black and white. It's like, look at me, I'm so serious,

0:22:54.240 --> 0:22:56.119
<v Speaker 1>and I wanted to have fun with it. I was like,

0:22:56.280 --> 0:22:58.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm not so serious. If you meet me in real life,

0:22:58.640 --> 0:23:01.679
<v Speaker 1>I will make a joke about anything. So he came up.

0:23:01.720 --> 0:23:03.800
<v Speaker 1>We came up with a few concepts, but this one

0:23:03.840 --> 0:23:06.640
<v Speaker 1>was what felt like the most ambitious version. But when

0:23:06.680 --> 0:23:08.480
<v Speaker 1>I saw the guy who had to lift me. Is

0:23:08.480 --> 0:23:11.280
<v Speaker 1>a big guy, and he was poor guy. His whole forearm,

0:23:11.320 --> 0:23:15.000
<v Speaker 1>everything was painted guilty and the poor guy was stuck

0:23:15.080 --> 0:23:16.800
<v Speaker 1>the whole day in not being able to use his

0:23:16.960 --> 0:23:18.879
<v Speaker 1>arms because they didn't want to mess up the painting.

0:23:19.880 --> 0:23:23.080
<v Speaker 1>Oh okay, so I've had so much empathy. I was like,

0:23:23.160 --> 0:23:25.320
<v Speaker 1>oh my god, I'm so sorry. He's like, no, no,

0:23:25.359 --> 0:23:28.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm done. I haven't had water since exam.

0:23:29.680 --> 0:23:33.040
<v Speaker 2>We got to hold up the national treasure that is arnegarg.

0:23:33.440 --> 0:23:35.960
<v Speaker 2>I bet he was stoked. Plus you're so petite.

0:23:36.480 --> 0:23:38.679
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, I am not so purtite. It was

0:23:38.840 --> 0:23:41.640
<v Speaker 1>not easy. I'm really heavy and I felt it that day.

0:23:41.640 --> 0:23:43.679
<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh my god, I was just of

0:23:43.840 --> 0:23:46.080
<v Speaker 1>all the times I wish I had lost weight, today

0:23:46.200 --> 0:23:48.520
<v Speaker 1>is the most important day, man.

0:23:49.800 --> 0:23:51.600
<v Speaker 2>So you know a mutual friend of ours is for

0:23:51.640 --> 0:23:52.639
<v Speaker 2>a news to Robbie.

0:23:53.000 --> 0:23:54.920
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, I love her, so.

0:23:54.880 --> 0:23:56.560
<v Speaker 2>I've you know, we're in the same kind of like

0:23:56.720 --> 0:24:01.679
<v Speaker 2>financial podcasting space and yeah, yeah, so she's wonderful. She

0:24:01.720 --> 0:24:04.640
<v Speaker 2>hosted an event for you in Jersey. Was it during

0:24:04.640 --> 0:24:06.840
<v Speaker 2>your book launch? And I was listening to your interview

0:24:06.840 --> 0:24:08.639
<v Speaker 2>with her and I was like, come on, zarn, I

0:24:08.680 --> 0:24:11.399
<v Speaker 2>don't tell me that you don't love your body. I'm like,

0:24:11.480 --> 0:24:13.520
<v Speaker 2>that's the that's what I thought was supposed to happen

0:24:13.560 --> 0:24:16.000
<v Speaker 2>when you're in your like forties, fifties, sixties, like you

0:24:16.119 --> 0:24:16.800
<v Speaker 2>just love it.

0:24:17.000 --> 0:24:20.199
<v Speaker 1>No, because the reality of being overweight hits you, hits you.

0:24:20.280 --> 0:24:22.639
<v Speaker 1>It's not the vanity. Honestly, it's not the vanity. I

0:24:22.640 --> 0:24:24.640
<v Speaker 1>don't really care. I'm not out there looking for a guy.

0:24:25.840 --> 0:24:30.200
<v Speaker 1>It's not that. It's the real statistics of what being

0:24:30.200 --> 0:24:33.679
<v Speaker 1>overweight means in terms of health, you know, and you

0:24:33.720 --> 0:24:35.560
<v Speaker 1>want to live like now, I want to live to

0:24:35.560 --> 0:24:36.960
<v Speaker 1>torture my daughter in law.

0:24:38.160 --> 0:24:41.600
<v Speaker 2>Right, and they don't get they don't get married so young. No, No,

0:24:42.000 --> 0:24:43.320
<v Speaker 2>she got to live really long.

0:24:43.240 --> 0:24:45.639
<v Speaker 1>You got it. Yeah, So it's that. But you know,

0:24:45.760 --> 0:24:48.639
<v Speaker 1>ever since I've found how to dress for my work,

0:24:48.840 --> 0:24:51.600
<v Speaker 1>I feel like I'm more at peace. For a long time,

0:24:51.720 --> 0:24:53.960
<v Speaker 1>I was just not at peace with my body. I

0:24:54.000 --> 0:24:56.400
<v Speaker 1>don't get into that with the book, but because it's

0:24:56.440 --> 0:24:59.120
<v Speaker 1>not really part of the story in that way. But

0:24:59.280 --> 0:25:02.760
<v Speaker 1>to be on and to be making jokes for as

0:25:02.800 --> 0:25:05.320
<v Speaker 1>long as I do hour hour and a half straight

0:25:05.560 --> 0:25:08.480
<v Speaker 1>in front of huge audiences. I just did five thousand

0:25:08.560 --> 0:25:11.439
<v Speaker 1>people recently in Vegas, to be able to do that.

0:25:11.520 --> 0:25:15.240
<v Speaker 1>You're very comfortable in your skin and in your body

0:25:15.320 --> 0:25:17.359
<v Speaker 1>and in how the world is looking at you. And

0:25:17.480 --> 0:25:20.440
<v Speaker 1>until I learned to dress for myself and figure out

0:25:20.480 --> 0:25:24.240
<v Speaker 1>an outfit uniform that works for me, I just wasn't there.

0:25:24.400 --> 0:25:27.000
<v Speaker 1>It was very hard for me to make my peace

0:25:27.119 --> 0:25:29.240
<v Speaker 1>with Oh my god, people are gonna see me. They'll

0:25:29.240 --> 0:25:31.600
<v Speaker 1>take photographs from this side and this side, and like,

0:25:31.640 --> 0:25:33.480
<v Speaker 1>what am I going to look like? I figured out

0:25:33.480 --> 0:25:37.560
<v Speaker 1>an outfit that felt simple but representative of me, and

0:25:37.640 --> 0:25:40.160
<v Speaker 1>now I don't really care take a photo from any anger.

0:25:40.240 --> 0:25:42.359
<v Speaker 1>I don't care because I feel like I'm covered and

0:25:42.400 --> 0:25:46.760
<v Speaker 1>I look decent and elegant, and I'm good with that.

0:25:47.080 --> 0:25:49.280
<v Speaker 2>You were trying to find your look, and I did

0:25:49.320 --> 0:25:51.879
<v Speaker 2>think that that was highly relevant, just for anyone who's

0:25:51.880 --> 0:25:53.840
<v Speaker 2>not even about being on a stage, but just like

0:25:54.359 --> 0:25:57.760
<v Speaker 2>going through life and maybe your body is, you know,

0:25:58.160 --> 0:26:00.159
<v Speaker 2>not the body that it was twenty years ago, pre

0:26:00.280 --> 0:26:02.800
<v Speaker 2>kids or whatever, and just I thought it was a

0:26:02.840 --> 0:26:05.240
<v Speaker 2>great testament to the power of making clothes for the

0:26:05.240 --> 0:26:07.720
<v Speaker 2>body you have now, and like getting a look that

0:26:07.760 --> 0:26:10.720
<v Speaker 2>makes you feel comfortable and a thousand percent there is

0:26:10.760 --> 0:26:14.040
<v Speaker 2>something that happens when you're wearing something that just makes

0:26:14.080 --> 0:26:17.520
<v Speaker 2>you feel good. Yeah, that gives you the confidence to

0:26:17.560 --> 0:26:18.640
<v Speaker 2>do a scary thing.

0:26:19.119 --> 0:26:21.639
<v Speaker 1>One hundred and ten percent. And I'm telling you that

0:26:21.920 --> 0:26:25.840
<v Speaker 1>I appreciate that I had the good sense to stick

0:26:25.880 --> 0:26:29.520
<v Speaker 1>with it because people in India, especially fashionable people, make

0:26:29.560 --> 0:26:32.240
<v Speaker 1>fun of me all the time. Even right now. They think, Oh,

0:26:32.320 --> 0:26:35.000
<v Speaker 1>you wear the same thing in four different colors. What

0:26:35.160 --> 0:26:38.520
<v Speaker 1>is that belt? Because the belt is not an Indian thing.

0:26:39.200 --> 0:26:41.960
<v Speaker 1>We in Indian clothes usually are not belted the way

0:26:42.000 --> 0:26:45.240
<v Speaker 1>I built them. Here, I added that, and I get

0:26:45.280 --> 0:26:47.199
<v Speaker 1>my tailor to make the belt for me. It was

0:26:47.240 --> 0:26:49.560
<v Speaker 1>a process to learn how to do it, and you know,

0:26:50.320 --> 0:26:53.040
<v Speaker 1>but I wanted it because I felt like in America

0:26:53.560 --> 0:26:55.800
<v Speaker 1>it needed to look a certain way. Whatever it is.

0:26:55.840 --> 0:26:58.680
<v Speaker 1>It was my decision and my process. But people make

0:26:58.720 --> 0:27:01.760
<v Speaker 1>fun of me constantly. They are fashion blogs that feel

0:27:01.800 --> 0:27:04.200
<v Speaker 1>free to pick on me, and you know, it's like, oh,

0:27:04.240 --> 0:27:07.840
<v Speaker 1>here comes the American Indian because they think that I've

0:27:07.880 --> 0:27:10.639
<v Speaker 1>created this crazy outfit. But I don't care because I

0:27:10.720 --> 0:27:13.320
<v Speaker 1>feel good in it and I feel like my audience

0:27:13.359 --> 0:27:16.680
<v Speaker 1>sees me for what I'm trying to show them that

0:27:17.119 --> 0:27:19.959
<v Speaker 1>I am Indian, that I am a certain type of

0:27:20.600 --> 0:27:23.640
<v Speaker 1>you know, person, I believe in dressing modestly. I don't

0:27:23.640 --> 0:27:25.959
<v Speaker 1>need to show any more than you can see. So

0:27:26.440 --> 0:27:29.159
<v Speaker 1>it was a process, and really I started doing it

0:27:29.200 --> 0:27:32.800
<v Speaker 1>more and more because it affects the business. It's again

0:27:32.920 --> 0:27:35.920
<v Speaker 1>not a vanity thing. The better you look, the more

0:27:35.920 --> 0:27:39.920
<v Speaker 1>confident you are, the more confident you feel, the more

0:27:39.960 --> 0:27:44.280
<v Speaker 1>money you will make. It translates into real dollars and cents.

0:27:45.200 --> 0:27:48.600
<v Speaker 1>And that's actually pretty undeniable at this point because there's

0:27:48.720 --> 0:27:53.080
<v Speaker 1>even data out there to support it. But I never

0:27:53.280 --> 0:27:57.000
<v Speaker 1>till forty four, never wore a lick of makeup. Never.

0:27:57.320 --> 0:27:59.200
<v Speaker 1>I used to go to weddings with like a little

0:27:59.240 --> 0:28:01.440
<v Speaker 1>touch of vasiline on my lips. That's it. I can

0:28:01.440 --> 0:28:03.359
<v Speaker 1>show you wedding photos Bathleene.

0:28:03.640 --> 0:28:05.399
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well you can't have ashy lips at least you

0:28:05.400 --> 0:28:05.760
<v Speaker 2>put that on.

0:28:05.800 --> 0:28:09.720
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, it's that simple. Because as a consumer of

0:28:09.960 --> 0:28:12.639
<v Speaker 1>pop culture, I used to always think, how crazy is

0:28:12.680 --> 0:28:16.879
<v Speaker 1>this woman? Or why is this man getting another like whatever, liposuction?

0:28:17.040 --> 0:28:19.720
<v Speaker 1>What why would you do that? I would never And

0:28:19.760 --> 0:28:22.080
<v Speaker 1>now I know why they're doing it. They're doing it

0:28:22.119 --> 0:28:23.160
<v Speaker 1>for their business.

0:28:23.840 --> 0:28:26.199
<v Speaker 2>Well can we talk about business? Because you are a

0:28:26.240 --> 0:28:29.520
<v Speaker 2>business guru like I don't almost. I'm a little afraid

0:28:29.600 --> 0:28:31.960
<v Speaker 2>that a bunch of people are going to try to have,

0:28:32.040 --> 0:28:34.680
<v Speaker 2>like you know, these creative careers in their mid forty

0:28:34.760 --> 0:28:37.920
<v Speaker 2>late forties, inspired by your story, if they don't understand

0:28:37.920 --> 0:28:41.320
<v Speaker 2>that you didn't just try it out like you went

0:28:41.840 --> 0:28:45.280
<v Speaker 2>full tilt, like I am going to be the Zuckerberger

0:28:45.280 --> 0:28:48.640
<v Speaker 2>of comedians, I'm going to be the Serena Williams of comedy.

0:28:48.680 --> 0:28:51.640
<v Speaker 2>And really think of it from a business standpoint, and

0:28:51.920 --> 0:28:55.840
<v Speaker 2>you made some choices. You chose to keep your comedy clean,

0:28:55.960 --> 0:28:58.240
<v Speaker 2>which I'm not sure that just means no curse.

0:28:58.040 --> 0:28:59.600
<v Speaker 1>Words basically pretty much.

0:28:59.720 --> 0:29:01.120
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I heard a joke

0:29:01.160 --> 0:29:03.400
<v Speaker 2>where you called your your mother in law the sea word.

0:29:03.800 --> 0:29:06.840
<v Speaker 1>So there's a few handful of jokes where I have

0:29:07.000 --> 0:29:09.200
<v Speaker 1>cursed words that I use in the clubs all the

0:29:09.280 --> 0:29:13.760
<v Speaker 1>time and depending on the book. But I have replacements

0:29:13.800 --> 0:29:16.080
<v Speaker 1>for all those words for my corporate shows. So I

0:29:16.240 --> 0:29:19.240
<v Speaker 1>do shows that have the same jokes but with the replacement,

0:29:19.400 --> 0:29:22.720
<v Speaker 1>which is also as funny because the money is in

0:29:22.800 --> 0:29:25.240
<v Speaker 1>clean comedy. If you see all the big comics and

0:29:25.240 --> 0:29:28.800
<v Speaker 1>how they translate to bigger, big gigs, it's all clean

0:29:28.840 --> 0:29:32.120
<v Speaker 1>comedy unless you're that niche comic one in a billion

0:29:32.160 --> 0:29:35.880
<v Speaker 1>who becomes known for their dirty humor. And I wouldn't

0:29:35.880 --> 0:29:38.600
<v Speaker 1>even know what to say, honestly, Like I'm not sex

0:29:38.600 --> 0:29:40.560
<v Speaker 1>stuff like that, Like I have nothing to say in

0:29:40.560 --> 0:29:41.960
<v Speaker 1>that space. What you mean?

0:29:43.400 --> 0:29:45.920
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I know what jokes were you were, you

0:29:45.960 --> 0:29:49.440
<v Speaker 2>were Dragon shell Ub around, you know, making out in

0:29:49.480 --> 0:29:52.120
<v Speaker 2>the in the cab when you first met him. If

0:29:52.160 --> 0:29:54.480
<v Speaker 2>you guys, I don't want to. I can talk about

0:29:54.520 --> 0:29:56.600
<v Speaker 2>everything I want to keep about, you know, the fun

0:29:56.680 --> 0:29:59.200
<v Speaker 2>money stuff, but the story of you and Shellubs like

0:29:59.360 --> 0:30:03.440
<v Speaker 2>courtship and oh I loved it so much. It was

0:30:03.480 --> 0:30:05.760
<v Speaker 2>so cute. I can see how y'all fell in love

0:30:05.800 --> 0:30:10.959
<v Speaker 2>through letters. You're both so funny and both so steeped

0:30:11.000 --> 0:30:13.080
<v Speaker 2>in reality that you're like calling each other out on

0:30:13.160 --> 0:30:16.960
<v Speaker 2>you know, your bs and ah, what a sweet. Well. Actually,

0:30:17.160 --> 0:30:18.840
<v Speaker 2>I am going to give shell up some shine because

0:30:18.880 --> 0:30:21.360
<v Speaker 2>there's this part in the book, multiple parts where just

0:30:21.600 --> 0:30:23.880
<v Speaker 2>it's like that Grinch, the moment in the Grinch, you know,

0:30:23.920 --> 0:30:26.640
<v Speaker 2>the Grinch, the green guy, and his heart just grows

0:30:26.760 --> 0:30:30.040
<v Speaker 2>take a yeah, and then his heart just grows like

0:30:30.080 --> 0:30:32.400
<v Speaker 2>three times bigger. And there's moments in your book that

0:30:32.480 --> 0:30:34.160
<v Speaker 2>do that for me, and one of them is your

0:30:34.240 --> 0:30:38.520
<v Speaker 2>beautiful husband of twenty five years. Yeah, when y'all are

0:30:38.560 --> 0:30:40.520
<v Speaker 2>at a dinner with like some of his hoity toity

0:30:41.040 --> 0:30:43.160
<v Speaker 2>Wall Street friends and their wives, and at this point,

0:30:43.200 --> 0:30:45.480
<v Speaker 2>you are determined to figure out what this stage of

0:30:45.480 --> 0:30:47.400
<v Speaker 2>your life's going to be. At your you're feeling like

0:30:47.440 --> 0:30:49.880
<v Speaker 2>something is missing, so you're trying to start all these businesses,

0:30:50.000 --> 0:30:53.680
<v Speaker 2>like a toothbrush business, a chill a vegan chili business,

0:30:53.760 --> 0:30:56.360
<v Speaker 2>all these things, and they're kind of like they're kind

0:30:56.360 --> 0:30:59.080
<v Speaker 2>of ribbing you about it in a way that's not

0:30:59.160 --> 0:31:01.680
<v Speaker 2>so kind, and your husban and like, don't worry. They're

0:31:01.720 --> 0:31:04.040
<v Speaker 2>just afraid that when you actually find your thing, you're

0:31:04.080 --> 0:31:07.240
<v Speaker 2>going to become unstoppable. And he just says it so

0:31:07.400 --> 0:31:09.520
<v Speaker 2>nonchalantly and just continues eating his dinner.

0:31:09.920 --> 0:31:11.560
<v Speaker 1>That's his special talent.

0:31:13.120 --> 0:31:19.360
<v Speaker 2>Sweet, so romantic forget roses, like defend my greatness in

0:31:19.400 --> 0:31:21.760
<v Speaker 2>front of all your friends and also make them feel

0:31:21.960 --> 0:31:22.640
<v Speaker 2>in the process.

0:31:22.720 --> 0:31:27.040
<v Speaker 1>For me, it's true, he is particularly adept at that

0:31:27.200 --> 0:31:30.840
<v Speaker 1>type of dialogue. And that's in real life who he is.

0:31:31.080 --> 0:31:35.120
<v Speaker 1>He's not one to make grand statements. He barely speaks.

0:31:35.160 --> 0:31:37.480
<v Speaker 1>I mean, if he says five words in a day

0:31:37.520 --> 0:31:41.040
<v Speaker 1>that's a lot. So he just engages when he feels

0:31:41.040 --> 0:31:43.800
<v Speaker 1>like he absolutely must, and otherwise he's kind of like

0:31:44.080 --> 0:31:46.440
<v Speaker 1>he's a little flighty in his everyday life. A lot

0:31:46.480 --> 0:31:48.560
<v Speaker 1>of people would be like, he just saw right through me.

0:31:48.640 --> 0:31:50.920
<v Speaker 1>I saw him on the street. He didn't say hello.

0:31:51.280 --> 0:31:54.840
<v Speaker 1>But it's not him being disrespectful. He really lives in

0:31:54.880 --> 0:31:57.880
<v Speaker 1>his own world of numbers and like he's thinking about

0:31:57.880 --> 0:31:59.960
<v Speaker 1>what trade he made and what he wants to make

0:32:00.240 --> 0:32:03.040
<v Speaker 1>and how is that math gonna work out? And like

0:32:03.120 --> 0:32:05.920
<v Speaker 1>he's like a happy, flighty math guy.

0:32:06.960 --> 0:32:09.520
<v Speaker 2>Intellect cerebral, Yeah, yeah, I mean I.

0:32:09.440 --> 0:32:11.479
<v Speaker 1>Don't even I find it hard to call him an

0:32:11.480 --> 0:32:18.440
<v Speaker 1>intellect because he's not that smart. He does ridiculously stupid

0:32:18.440 --> 0:32:23.280
<v Speaker 1>things everything. I remember when I was newly married to him,

0:32:23.320 --> 0:32:25.400
<v Speaker 1>I was like, how are these people paying you? You

0:32:25.440 --> 0:32:26.880
<v Speaker 1>can't figure anything out?

0:32:29.000 --> 0:32:31.680
<v Speaker 2>Well, there's number smart, I guess.

0:32:31.760 --> 0:32:34.760
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, No, he is. He's like, but he doesn't wear

0:32:34.800 --> 0:32:37.800
<v Speaker 1>his intellect. You know. Some successful people like to talk

0:32:37.880 --> 0:32:42.800
<v Speaker 1>like their fonts of wisdom, Like they will release tweets

0:32:42.840 --> 0:32:46.560
<v Speaker 1>like like God has spoken. There will be LinkedIn articles

0:32:46.600 --> 0:32:48.880
<v Speaker 1>from them, like you know, the state of the affair

0:32:49.200 --> 0:32:52.160
<v Speaker 1>that is not my husband at all, never was even

0:32:52.200 --> 0:32:54.920
<v Speaker 1>in his most successful he was like, can I just

0:32:54.960 --> 0:32:57.880
<v Speaker 1>go to bed? Please don't invite me, Please, God, don't

0:32:57.880 --> 0:32:59.880
<v Speaker 1>invite me to all these events, Like I don't want

0:32:59.880 --> 0:33:01.600
<v Speaker 1>to be there. I want to be home. I want

0:33:01.600 --> 0:33:03.760
<v Speaker 1>to be like taking a nap. So he was always

0:33:03.800 --> 0:33:07.480
<v Speaker 1>that simple guy, and he still is, like he barely communicates,

0:33:07.520 --> 0:33:12.200
<v Speaker 1>and when he's he's definitely him. And I have a

0:33:12.280 --> 0:33:17.200
<v Speaker 1>friendship that is above everything else. So if he finds

0:33:17.280 --> 0:33:19.720
<v Speaker 1>that people are making fun of me, which happens all

0:33:19.760 --> 0:33:22.280
<v Speaker 1>the time, I mean it happens even now. But back

0:33:22.360 --> 0:33:27.800
<v Speaker 1>during the transition phase before I found comedy, it was peak.

0:33:28.200 --> 0:33:32.520
<v Speaker 1>I mean I was ripe for jokes for everybody because

0:33:32.560 --> 0:33:35.800
<v Speaker 1>I also, in defense of all of them, I didn't

0:33:35.840 --> 0:33:39.200
<v Speaker 1>just start businesses. I started businesses.

0:33:39.360 --> 0:33:40.200
<v Speaker 2>I don't do anything.

0:33:40.440 --> 0:33:43.960
<v Speaker 1>Here's my website, here's my card, here's you know, my

0:33:44.320 --> 0:33:47.000
<v Speaker 1>entire vision. I didn't just start a business. I saw

0:33:47.040 --> 0:33:51.240
<v Speaker 1>a billion dollar vision instantly. In every failed business, you know,

0:33:51.400 --> 0:33:53.840
<v Speaker 1>some people would be like work in silence. No, No,

0:33:53.920 --> 0:33:57.560
<v Speaker 1>that was not me. So people had a lot to

0:33:57.600 --> 0:33:59.680
<v Speaker 1>pick on. I gave them a lot to pick on.

0:34:00.840 --> 0:34:03.840
<v Speaker 1>So my husband, when he would step in, would be

0:34:04.000 --> 0:34:07.480
<v Speaker 1>like you know, they're just all nervous because none of

0:34:07.520 --> 0:34:08.760
<v Speaker 1>them are even trying anything.

0:34:09.320 --> 0:34:10.799
<v Speaker 2>M hmm. They don't know what to do with you.

0:34:11.000 --> 0:34:13.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, they don't know, and they didn't come from the

0:34:14.000 --> 0:34:17.360
<v Speaker 1>world where all you did. I didn't think of myself

0:34:17.400 --> 0:34:21.480
<v Speaker 1>as somebody whose life's goal was to support her husband.

0:34:21.520 --> 0:34:24.560
<v Speaker 1>It was a part of my job as a wife,

0:34:24.600 --> 0:34:26.960
<v Speaker 1>a mother, and a homemaker, but I didn't see it

0:34:27.000 --> 0:34:29.520
<v Speaker 1>as the be all and end all of my identity.

0:34:29.960 --> 0:34:32.160
<v Speaker 1>Like I never was that woman who wanted to go

0:34:32.280 --> 0:34:34.560
<v Speaker 1>places and be like I am missus so and so,

0:34:34.920 --> 0:34:37.319
<v Speaker 1>no matter who the husband was, no matter if he

0:34:37.360 --> 0:34:40.560
<v Speaker 1>was a billionaire or whatever. Like I was always inside

0:34:40.640 --> 0:34:43.640
<v Speaker 1>my body fighting for my own like what is my

0:34:43.960 --> 0:34:47.120
<v Speaker 1>journey in this life? Like? What is my thing? And

0:34:47.160 --> 0:34:48.239
<v Speaker 1>how am I gonna find it?

0:34:49.280 --> 0:34:51.440
<v Speaker 2>I mean, can we just go back in time a

0:34:51.440 --> 0:34:54.040
<v Speaker 2>little bit, because as you're talking about that sort of

0:34:54.080 --> 0:34:57.040
<v Speaker 2>not seeing yourself as fulfilling the life goal for your

0:34:57.080 --> 0:34:59.400
<v Speaker 2>husband and finding your own purpose, I mean that was

0:34:59.480 --> 0:35:02.040
<v Speaker 2>so innate in you from a young age. I mean

0:35:02.200 --> 0:35:05.200
<v Speaker 2>you were a teenager when your husband you write about

0:35:05.200 --> 0:35:08.080
<v Speaker 2>this in the book, not your husband, sorry, your your father.

0:35:08.400 --> 0:35:10.800
<v Speaker 2>After your mother passed away, was pretty much ready to

0:35:10.840 --> 0:35:13.040
<v Speaker 2>throw you away and say I'm going to marry you off.

0:35:13.080 --> 0:35:15.880
<v Speaker 2>You're a teenager. You're thirteen fourteen, yeah at this age,

0:35:16.239 --> 0:35:22.279
<v Speaker 2>which is not uncommon right in India even today, And you,

0:35:22.520 --> 0:35:26.200
<v Speaker 2>as a teenager, said I would rather live on the streets,

0:35:26.400 --> 0:35:30.320
<v Speaker 2>bouncing from home to home, friends homes, friends of friends' homes,

0:35:30.360 --> 0:35:33.719
<v Speaker 2>and to sign up for security, to sign up for

0:35:34.800 --> 0:35:38.200
<v Speaker 2>this arranged marriage. And I mean, oh, I just as

0:35:38.200 --> 0:35:40.360
<v Speaker 2>a mom, I'm just like protect the babies. And you

0:35:40.400 --> 0:35:42.680
<v Speaker 2>were just a baby. But you did that. That's so

0:35:43.400 --> 0:35:45.319
<v Speaker 2>I don't know what to even say about that, just.

0:35:45.280 --> 0:35:47.960
<v Speaker 1>To be completely fair and honest, like I didn't know

0:35:48.080 --> 0:35:50.080
<v Speaker 1>I was signing up for that. I did when you

0:35:50.080 --> 0:35:53.000
<v Speaker 1>were a teenager, and you were like, are defying your parents?

0:35:53.000 --> 0:35:54.560
<v Speaker 1>And you're like, all right, if you don't want me

0:35:54.600 --> 0:35:57.120
<v Speaker 1>to live your live with my friends. In your innocence,

0:35:57.120 --> 0:36:00.960
<v Speaker 1>you really believe that's an option, you know what I mean? Like,

0:36:01.160 --> 0:36:04.200
<v Speaker 1>because you've done sleepovers that went for a weekend and

0:36:04.239 --> 0:36:08.160
<v Speaker 1>no one sent you home, So you've traveled. Maybe I

0:36:08.239 --> 0:36:10.719
<v Speaker 1>at that point had traveled with my friend's families to

0:36:10.920 --> 0:36:14.640
<v Speaker 1>like nearby vacation spots. I was like, yeah, well, you

0:36:14.680 --> 0:36:17.919
<v Speaker 1>know what, you don't want me here? So nice, they

0:36:17.920 --> 0:36:19.840
<v Speaker 1>feed me, they let me do all these things you

0:36:19.840 --> 0:36:22.000
<v Speaker 1>don't let me do, Like I'll just go there. When

0:36:22.160 --> 0:36:25.040
<v Speaker 1>I walked out of my house, I really didn't think

0:36:25.120 --> 0:36:28.399
<v Speaker 1>it would become what it became. And I really thought

0:36:28.440 --> 0:36:31.560
<v Speaker 1>that my dad was consumed by grief and that in

0:36:31.600 --> 0:36:33.640
<v Speaker 1>a matter of a day or two or three he

0:36:33.719 --> 0:36:36.160
<v Speaker 1>will come around and then we will find a new

0:36:36.719 --> 0:36:39.880
<v Speaker 1>happy medium. He was not playing, and I learned that

0:36:40.000 --> 0:36:43.920
<v Speaker 1>the hard way that and that is true of many, many, many,

0:36:43.960 --> 0:36:47.239
<v Speaker 1>many men of color. I think they like stake their

0:36:47.280 --> 0:36:51.440
<v Speaker 1>pride and dignity on everything, especially back home, and and

0:36:51.640 --> 0:36:54.800
<v Speaker 1>my dad was not having it. And also like women

0:36:54.960 --> 0:36:58.520
<v Speaker 1>were throwing themselves on him, left, right and center. So

0:36:58.640 --> 0:37:02.400
<v Speaker 1>he had so much tempt. I know that now in hindsight,

0:37:03.080 --> 0:37:06.440
<v Speaker 1>Like he had young women, like women twenty years younger

0:37:06.480 --> 0:37:10.680
<v Speaker 1>than him, being like, do you need anything? Do you

0:37:10.760 --> 0:37:12.200
<v Speaker 1>need it? It was a lot of like.

0:37:12.600 --> 0:37:14.560
<v Speaker 2>What can we do to help you with the Indian

0:37:14.640 --> 0:37:16.520
<v Speaker 2>version of making a cast role and bringing it.

0:37:16.400 --> 0:37:22.160
<v Speaker 1>Over, making samosas, making you know, like it was wild.

0:37:22.320 --> 0:37:25.120
<v Speaker 1>And that's another thing that I've learned, you know, because

0:37:25.160 --> 0:37:28.160
<v Speaker 1>I saw it firsthand in my life. That men will

0:37:28.160 --> 0:37:31.520
<v Speaker 1>go on. I've seen it enough to know that their

0:37:31.560 --> 0:37:33.680
<v Speaker 1>lives will go on. It's the women. I read a

0:37:33.680 --> 0:37:36.480
<v Speaker 1>statistic somewhere a long time ago, and I don't even

0:37:36.520 --> 0:37:38.680
<v Speaker 1>know where I read it because and if I'm wrong,

0:37:38.880 --> 0:37:41.719
<v Speaker 1>somebody can feel free to correct me. But I read

0:37:41.719 --> 0:37:44.480
<v Speaker 1>a statistic somewhere that said that the face of poverty

0:37:44.520 --> 0:37:51.520
<v Speaker 1>in America is motherhood. That women who are single moms,

0:37:51.600 --> 0:37:56.200
<v Speaker 1>who are moms in general, become a much more prone

0:37:56.280 --> 0:37:59.640
<v Speaker 1>to living in poverty than any other demographic. That's the

0:37:59.680 --> 0:38:02.919
<v Speaker 1>step statistic that scared me. That is another reason why

0:38:02.920 --> 0:38:06.200
<v Speaker 1>I was like, I've got to figure something out, something anything.

0:38:06.360 --> 0:38:09.560
<v Speaker 1>I was like, I will become the world's best dental hygienis.

0:38:09.600 --> 0:38:12.399
<v Speaker 1>If somebody good gives me a job, I will take

0:38:12.480 --> 0:38:14.759
<v Speaker 1>such good care of them if they can like give

0:38:14.840 --> 0:38:19.279
<v Speaker 1>me some financial security. This was during the days when

0:38:19.320 --> 0:38:22.520
<v Speaker 1>nothing entrepreneurial was working. I was like, what else can

0:38:22.560 --> 0:38:25.359
<v Speaker 1>I do? Like, can I become a receptionist somewhere where

0:38:25.360 --> 0:38:28.560
<v Speaker 1>they will like pay me and you know all these things.

0:38:28.600 --> 0:38:32.239
<v Speaker 1>So but knowing that that the outcome for women and

0:38:32.480 --> 0:38:35.400
<v Speaker 1>I have three kids, like you know, they're gonna need stuff.

0:38:35.600 --> 0:38:38.799
<v Speaker 1>My daughter's graduate in college. She still needs stuff. It

0:38:38.840 --> 0:38:40.319
<v Speaker 1>doesn't end, you know.

0:38:40.560 --> 0:38:44.120
<v Speaker 2>And also in New York, the money will dry up.

0:38:44.400 --> 0:38:47.520
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god. When my husband lost his job, he

0:38:47.600 --> 0:38:51.400
<v Speaker 1>had been a cio for ten years, we had savings.

0:38:51.719 --> 0:38:53.719
<v Speaker 1>People will ask me, did you not have savings. We

0:38:53.800 --> 0:38:58.600
<v Speaker 1>had savings. We thought we were set, and it went

0:38:59.120 --> 0:39:03.640
<v Speaker 1>like a day. It felt like with the decision, it

0:39:03.640 --> 0:39:06.680
<v Speaker 1>felt like we found out on Monday that he doesn't

0:39:06.680 --> 0:39:09.000
<v Speaker 1>have a job, and two Mondays from then it was

0:39:09.040 --> 0:39:11.880
<v Speaker 1>all gone. It felt like that, like my god, we

0:39:11.920 --> 0:39:14.239
<v Speaker 1>had it. Oh my god. And then when things are

0:39:14.280 --> 0:39:16.560
<v Speaker 1>not gonna work, nothing works, Like we couldn't sell the

0:39:16.560 --> 0:39:19.600
<v Speaker 1>apartment because the market crashed. Every turn that we tried

0:39:19.640 --> 0:39:24.120
<v Speaker 1>to consider was like, this can't work. That can't work,

0:39:24.160 --> 0:39:26.719
<v Speaker 1>that can't work, this won't work. So you really have

0:39:26.840 --> 0:39:29.319
<v Speaker 1>to prepare. That's another reason why I work as much

0:39:29.320 --> 0:39:31.279
<v Speaker 1>as I do now. I feel like I have to

0:39:31.320 --> 0:39:33.520
<v Speaker 1>catch up for all the years that I couldn't do

0:39:33.640 --> 0:39:37.120
<v Speaker 1>the things that I didn't work for whatever reason. And

0:39:37.360 --> 0:39:40.319
<v Speaker 1>I don't have time to waste, you know. And I

0:39:40.360 --> 0:39:44.279
<v Speaker 1>advise a lot of women on thinking big. Once you're

0:39:44.320 --> 0:39:48.040
<v Speaker 1>playing the game, you got to think big because women

0:39:48.280 --> 0:39:51.239
<v Speaker 1>are trained to think savings. We think, oh, if I

0:39:51.280 --> 0:39:54.319
<v Speaker 1>save money, you know, if I don't spend it. I

0:39:54.360 --> 0:39:56.799
<v Speaker 1>don't think there's any glory in saving. You cannot save

0:39:56.840 --> 0:39:59.400
<v Speaker 1>yourself out of financial mess.

0:39:59.440 --> 0:40:02.200
<v Speaker 2>You have to think, yes, Sarna, you have to. You're

0:40:02.200 --> 0:40:05.879
<v Speaker 2>a medical financial genius. What are you talking about? Yes?

0:40:05.960 --> 0:40:08.960
<v Speaker 1>Continue, At least I'm closer to math than I was

0:40:09.000 --> 0:40:09.520
<v Speaker 1>as a writer.

0:40:10.160 --> 0:40:12.479
<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry, drop the gem. People need to hear the gem.

0:40:12.719 --> 0:40:16.520
<v Speaker 1>Tell them. Tell us then what I'm saying. We are told, oh,

0:40:16.640 --> 0:40:19.160
<v Speaker 1>don't buy the coffee, don't get the manicure, Like that

0:40:19.320 --> 0:40:21.080
<v Speaker 1>is not going to save you in the end. If

0:40:21.120 --> 0:40:24.120
<v Speaker 1>you never buy the coffee and you never have the manicure,

0:40:24.160 --> 0:40:27.120
<v Speaker 1>you're not going to be financially secure. It's it's nonsense.

0:40:27.239 --> 0:40:29.160
<v Speaker 1>And some guy came up with it just because he's

0:40:29.200 --> 0:40:32.040
<v Speaker 1>irritated that women are trying to be happy. You know.

0:40:33.000 --> 0:40:35.520
<v Speaker 1>But if you think big from you, that's how you're

0:40:35.560 --> 0:40:37.680
<v Speaker 1>going to build equity in a business. That's how you're

0:40:37.719 --> 0:40:41.759
<v Speaker 1>going to make enough money that will be like a sizable,

0:40:41.800 --> 0:40:44.920
<v Speaker 1>a meaningful amount that you can actually invest and build

0:40:44.960 --> 0:40:47.640
<v Speaker 1>other things for yourself and for your family, even for

0:40:47.719 --> 0:40:49.879
<v Speaker 1>my own kids, like my own daughter I teach her

0:40:49.880 --> 0:40:52.400
<v Speaker 1>every day I go. You have to like, live the

0:40:52.440 --> 0:40:54.799
<v Speaker 1>life you want. Live the life you want to do

0:40:54.880 --> 0:40:58.440
<v Speaker 1>that yoga class every few days. Do the yoga class,

0:40:58.440 --> 0:41:00.279
<v Speaker 1>but figure out how you're going to earn them money.

0:41:00.880 --> 0:41:05.320
<v Speaker 1>Contracting yourself and trying to live within this tiny bubble

0:41:05.400 --> 0:41:07.560
<v Speaker 1>that you think is all you can earn is not

0:41:07.680 --> 0:41:11.319
<v Speaker 1>the answer to your growth. Not for me anyway. I'm

0:41:11.360 --> 0:41:13.600
<v Speaker 1>all about I spend a lot of money now, I

0:41:13.600 --> 0:41:15.960
<v Speaker 1>spend a crazy amount of money, but it's all investment.

0:41:16.040 --> 0:41:19.680
<v Speaker 1>To me, it's all investment because I buy back time.

0:41:19.920 --> 0:41:22.239
<v Speaker 1>For example, I don't drive. I haven't driven a car

0:41:22.320 --> 0:41:25.000
<v Speaker 1>in years because I sit in the back seat of

0:41:25.000 --> 0:41:27.759
<v Speaker 1>a taxi or an uber and I work throughout. I

0:41:27.800 --> 0:41:31.120
<v Speaker 1>don't waste a minute. You will never see me wasting

0:41:31.160 --> 0:41:33.400
<v Speaker 1>time in the back seat of any car because to me,

0:41:33.520 --> 0:41:37.440
<v Speaker 1>that's my office. It's like a mobile office. I like

0:41:37.520 --> 0:41:39.680
<v Speaker 1>to say work, don't work from home, work from uber

0:41:40.400 --> 0:41:42.880
<v Speaker 1>because I go places I would not you know, I

0:41:42.960 --> 0:41:45.719
<v Speaker 1>go places, I meet people. I'm constantly on the road.

0:41:46.200 --> 0:41:48.560
<v Speaker 1>You know, if you're in or around the New York area,

0:41:48.640 --> 0:41:51.880
<v Speaker 1>there's so many interesting people to meet on the daily.

0:41:52.320 --> 0:41:55.239
<v Speaker 1>Don't restrict yourself to the geography of where you are,

0:41:55.360 --> 0:41:58.560
<v Speaker 1>because the whole point of living in this neighborhood is

0:41:58.600 --> 0:42:01.880
<v Speaker 1>in this area as you meet everybody who's here to

0:42:01.920 --> 0:42:03.560
<v Speaker 1>do all the things that they're here to do. This

0:42:03.680 --> 0:42:07.200
<v Speaker 1>is the world capital of ambition, you know.

0:42:07.840 --> 0:42:09.520
<v Speaker 2>You know, I think that's been the hardest thing for me,

0:42:09.560 --> 0:42:12.160
<v Speaker 2>if I'm really honest, is when my husband grew up

0:42:12.160 --> 0:42:14.880
<v Speaker 2>in the city of New York. I'm from the suburbs.

0:42:14.920 --> 0:42:16.720
<v Speaker 2>I came here for the city life. I'm a writer.

0:42:17.239 --> 0:42:19.640
<v Speaker 2>I don't have anything. I was trained as a journalist,

0:42:19.840 --> 0:42:21.759
<v Speaker 2>like writing is what I do. And when we move

0:42:21.800 --> 0:42:24.239
<v Speaker 2>to the suburbs because you really wanted to. This was

0:42:24.280 --> 0:42:26.839
<v Speaker 2>twenty eighteen. We had our kids, and now I own

0:42:26.920 --> 0:42:29.920
<v Speaker 2>my own business. I'm like entrepreneur and I'm mom, and

0:42:29.960 --> 0:42:31.680
<v Speaker 2>I don't get to go to the city unless I

0:42:31.760 --> 0:42:34.120
<v Speaker 2>make something happen. So I've been trying to just like

0:42:34.239 --> 0:42:36.799
<v Speaker 2>make plans. I just relate to you so much the

0:42:36.840 --> 0:42:39.759
<v Speaker 2>way that you shamelessly, maybe even you have a little shame,

0:42:39.800 --> 0:42:43.399
<v Speaker 2>but you do it anyway. Pursue opportunities and networking. There's

0:42:43.400 --> 0:42:45.239
<v Speaker 2>a story you tell in the book about and I

0:42:45.520 --> 0:42:47.520
<v Speaker 2>also do career coachings on and You're gonna love this. Like,

0:42:47.719 --> 0:42:49.560
<v Speaker 2>I really don't think I'm a career coach. I'm like,

0:42:49.800 --> 0:42:51.839
<v Speaker 2>I'm like a get out there and talk to people coach,

0:42:52.000 --> 0:42:56.440
<v Speaker 2>because too many people, especially women, are too afraid to

0:42:56.640 --> 0:42:59.640
<v Speaker 2>actually get out and physically put themselves in a room

0:43:00.080 --> 0:43:03.000
<v Speaker 2>where they could potentially have something happen. You know, meet

0:43:03.040 --> 0:43:06.600
<v Speaker 2>someone hears something in passing, and you tell the story

0:43:06.640 --> 0:43:09.200
<v Speaker 2>of where did you go to this Beverly Hills like

0:43:09.360 --> 0:43:13.400
<v Speaker 2>networking event for diversity in Hollywood? Yeah, and you straight

0:43:13.480 --> 0:43:16.719
<v Speaker 2>up stock this dude, what was he just happened? You

0:43:16.880 --> 0:43:18.560
<v Speaker 2>just had emailed and you did the thing that I

0:43:18.600 --> 0:43:21.040
<v Speaker 2>always talk about, which is look up the list of attendees,

0:43:21.120 --> 0:43:24.440
<v Speaker 2>yes and email them before you go. And you did

0:43:24.480 --> 0:43:26.440
<v Speaker 2>the thing that everyone that I work with a lot

0:43:26.440 --> 0:43:28.040
<v Speaker 2>of them are afraid of, which is, well, what if

0:43:28.080 --> 0:43:31.560
<v Speaker 2>they think it's awkward or too pushy and like, well,

0:43:33.120 --> 0:43:34.440
<v Speaker 2>and they won't.

0:43:34.280 --> 0:43:37.480
<v Speaker 1>Respond do it? Everybody's an adult, right, Yeah? But I

0:43:37.560 --> 0:43:39.399
<v Speaker 1>just want to tell you I have been in your

0:43:39.440 --> 0:43:41.719
<v Speaker 1>shoes of not being able to go anywhere for a

0:43:41.760 --> 0:43:45.520
<v Speaker 1>long time, and now, thankfully in the digital space, there

0:43:45.560 --> 0:43:48.279
<v Speaker 1>are a lot of options. Like, for example, I'll give

0:43:48.280 --> 0:43:51.040
<v Speaker 1>you an example of how it worked out, and I

0:43:51.640 --> 0:43:54.840
<v Speaker 1>really took a shot in the dark. The CEO of Heartbeat,

0:43:55.080 --> 0:43:59.000
<v Speaker 1>Kevin Hart's company, which at the time I was so

0:43:59.120 --> 0:44:01.919
<v Speaker 1>new as a comic, barely doing open Minds, but he

0:44:02.080 --> 0:44:05.160
<v Speaker 1>was in a LinkedIn chat. I was just reading articles

0:44:05.160 --> 0:44:07.920
<v Speaker 1>about the comedy business blah blah. And because I was

0:44:07.960 --> 0:44:11.040
<v Speaker 1>reading about things in that space, LinkedIn feed was like

0:44:11.120 --> 0:44:15.480
<v Speaker 1>sending me all these articles about comedy business, comedy and entertainment,

0:44:15.520 --> 0:44:18.400
<v Speaker 1>comedy blah blah whatever, right, And one of the things

0:44:18.520 --> 0:44:21.280
<v Speaker 1>was like, Oh, the CEO of Heartbeat is like having

0:44:21.320 --> 0:44:24.600
<v Speaker 1>on some sort of LinkedIn zoom or something like he

0:44:24.760 --> 0:44:26.799
<v Speaker 1>was going to talk about the business of comedy and

0:44:26.840 --> 0:44:29.680
<v Speaker 1>you could attend for free just watch what he was saying.

0:44:29.800 --> 0:44:33.040
<v Speaker 1>And I remember thinking, oh, I should watch what are

0:44:33.040 --> 0:44:36.360
<v Speaker 1>they talking about? But then in the LinkedIn in the

0:44:36.440 --> 0:44:39.680
<v Speaker 1>zoom chat, there was an option to drop a question.

0:44:40.480 --> 0:44:42.680
<v Speaker 1>So I dropped a question and I saw that his

0:44:42.800 --> 0:44:46.120
<v Speaker 1>team was engaging with it, and I literally took that

0:44:46.200 --> 0:44:49.200
<v Speaker 1>and I ran with it. I kept dropping questions. I

0:44:49.280 --> 0:44:52.000
<v Speaker 1>kept dropping questions because I was like, Oh, somebody is

0:44:52.040 --> 0:44:55.319
<v Speaker 1>on the other side actually reading these, and I was like,

0:44:55.360 --> 0:44:57.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm a mom, I'm a there's there's no one else

0:44:57.320 --> 0:44:59.360
<v Speaker 1>like me. I just kept it, kept at it, and

0:44:59.400 --> 0:45:01.560
<v Speaker 1>then literally within a week I had a phone call

0:45:01.600 --> 0:45:01.960
<v Speaker 1>with him.

0:45:02.400 --> 0:45:04.080
<v Speaker 2>Is that how you got on the show?

0:45:04.520 --> 0:45:08.319
<v Speaker 1>No? No, he had nothing to do so the week.

0:45:08.440 --> 0:45:12.840
<v Speaker 1>Kevan's business is so big that the comedy is one side,

0:45:13.120 --> 0:45:15.839
<v Speaker 1>the movie and TV is one side. It's like all

0:45:15.880 --> 0:45:18.200
<v Speaker 1>different things. I thought that that's how I got it. Actually,

0:45:18.280 --> 0:45:21.080
<v Speaker 1>the people who were casting the show found me performing

0:45:21.120 --> 0:45:23.520
<v Speaker 1>in the subway and noticed me from a distance and

0:45:23.600 --> 0:45:25.520
<v Speaker 1>took my name down. Didn't say anything to me in

0:45:25.520 --> 0:45:27.800
<v Speaker 1>real life because I think they didn't want to engage

0:45:27.840 --> 0:45:29.439
<v Speaker 1>with me and be like, just in case she doesn't

0:45:29.480 --> 0:45:31.799
<v Speaker 1>get picked. But that's how they found me, and I

0:45:31.880 --> 0:45:36.560
<v Speaker 1>know that now. But besides, I didn't even know this

0:45:36.640 --> 0:45:39.000
<v Speaker 1>competition existed, so I didn't know what to even ask

0:45:39.080 --> 0:45:41.600
<v Speaker 1>for when I was connecting with the CEO. But at

0:45:41.640 --> 0:45:44.120
<v Speaker 1>the time, I remember getting a fifteen minute zoom with

0:45:44.160 --> 0:45:47.960
<v Speaker 1>him because I kept dming his team digitally and saying, hey,

0:45:47.960 --> 0:45:49.719
<v Speaker 1>I would love to talk to him. You know, there's

0:45:49.760 --> 0:45:52.399
<v Speaker 1>no one else. I thought I was throwing anything, and

0:45:52.520 --> 0:45:54.560
<v Speaker 1>they're like, all right, all right, all right, we'll see

0:45:54.560 --> 0:45:56.080
<v Speaker 1>what we can do. And I got a few minutes

0:45:56.160 --> 0:45:58.719
<v Speaker 1>zoom with him, and I remember saying to him, I

0:45:58.760 --> 0:46:01.680
<v Speaker 1>don't know what to even look At the time, I

0:46:01.760 --> 0:46:04.760
<v Speaker 1>was like doing literally like had just one step above

0:46:04.800 --> 0:46:07.319
<v Speaker 1>open mics. And all he said to me was he said, look,

0:46:07.360 --> 0:46:09.680
<v Speaker 1>I can't tell you what your journey needs to be

0:46:09.680 --> 0:46:11.640
<v Speaker 1>because I have no idea what you want to do

0:46:11.719 --> 0:46:14.160
<v Speaker 1>and what you can do. But the world needs more

0:46:14.239 --> 0:46:16.640
<v Speaker 1>voices like yours. So all I can tell you is

0:46:16.680 --> 0:46:18.839
<v Speaker 1>that you have to keep fighting until you figure out

0:46:18.880 --> 0:46:22.959
<v Speaker 1>your door. And even with that one statement from him

0:46:23.040 --> 0:46:26.120
<v Speaker 1>gave me so much encouragement, and knowing that I could

0:46:26.160 --> 0:46:28.840
<v Speaker 1>be face to face with somebody like him through a

0:46:28.920 --> 0:46:32.120
<v Speaker 1>LinkedIn platform, which is nothing like you know, we all

0:46:32.160 --> 0:46:36.040
<v Speaker 1>scroll and waste time on social media constantly. Now I'm

0:46:36.120 --> 0:46:39.200
<v Speaker 1>much more tooorical about it. I take shots all the time.

0:46:39.480 --> 0:46:43.440
<v Speaker 1>Most don't workout. Most famous people or powerful people are

0:46:43.480 --> 0:46:45.879
<v Speaker 1>not going to respond, and that's okay. I don't take

0:46:45.880 --> 0:46:49.000
<v Speaker 1>it personally. And that's another thing women have to learn.

0:46:49.280 --> 0:46:51.440
<v Speaker 1>They'll be like, oh, I did this, and then no

0:46:51.480 --> 0:46:53.279
<v Speaker 1>one wrote back to me and they all hate me,

0:46:53.320 --> 0:46:55.880
<v Speaker 1>and like, you got to stop saying all that. Everybody's

0:46:55.920 --> 0:46:59.520
<v Speaker 1>got their own going on. And that's okay, fail fast.

0:46:59.520 --> 0:47:01.719
<v Speaker 2>It's one of the things that you talk about and

0:47:01.760 --> 0:47:04.160
<v Speaker 2>I love about you and what I try to also emulate,

0:47:04.160 --> 0:47:06.239
<v Speaker 2>even though it's a bit harder to do at least

0:47:06.280 --> 0:47:09.040
<v Speaker 2>where I'm at right now, is like getting like failing

0:47:09.080 --> 0:47:11.319
<v Speaker 2>so quickly that you don't even like dwell on it.

0:47:11.680 --> 0:47:14.120
<v Speaker 2>You're just you're already on to the next attempt, you

0:47:14.200 --> 0:47:16.600
<v Speaker 2>know what I mean, like the next email, the next guest,

0:47:16.680 --> 0:47:19.640
<v Speaker 2>I mean booking this, you know, booking guests on this podcast.

0:47:19.640 --> 0:47:21.319
<v Speaker 2>I've been doing it for years and years, and still

0:47:21.360 --> 0:47:23.480
<v Speaker 2>I'm just like, sometimes I feel like I need to

0:47:23.680 --> 0:47:26.080
<v Speaker 2>low key stock to get although I didn't have to

0:47:26.080 --> 0:47:28.839
<v Speaker 2>low key stock you. I just had to find your

0:47:28.840 --> 0:47:32.400
<v Speaker 2>book publisher, Thank the Lord, and that it can be.

0:47:32.480 --> 0:47:35.080
<v Speaker 2>It can feel as It's just funny because you know,

0:47:35.200 --> 0:47:37.239
<v Speaker 2>American women, we have this perception, I think on the

0:47:37.239 --> 0:47:39.360
<v Speaker 2>outside world that we're go getters and we're loud, and

0:47:39.360 --> 0:47:41.799
<v Speaker 2>we burn our bras and we just like get what

0:47:41.840 --> 0:47:44.160
<v Speaker 2>we want all the time. But there are a lot

0:47:44.200 --> 0:47:47.879
<v Speaker 2>of us who have this like internalized patriarchy and misogyny

0:47:48.000 --> 0:47:52.120
<v Speaker 2>and the self doubt that stops us from using our voice.

0:47:52.160 --> 0:47:54.359
<v Speaker 2>And maybe we're in that LinkedIn chat or zoom chat,

0:47:54.360 --> 0:47:57.040
<v Speaker 2>but we're not actually saying anything or thinking we have

0:47:57.120 --> 0:47:58.160
<v Speaker 2>something worth asking.

0:47:58.800 --> 0:48:02.600
<v Speaker 1>Yep, that can hold us back. That's all valid self doubt, right,

0:48:02.600 --> 0:48:05.960
<v Speaker 1>we all have it, but you have to push through it.

0:48:06.120 --> 0:48:08.200
<v Speaker 1>And the thing that I learned is that even like

0:48:08.440 --> 0:48:12.120
<v Speaker 1>very fancy looking successful people, like people who look like

0:48:12.120 --> 0:48:14.600
<v Speaker 1>they have it all figured out, they all have self doubt.

0:48:14.719 --> 0:48:16.600
<v Speaker 1>I know that now because I hang out in green

0:48:16.640 --> 0:48:19.520
<v Speaker 1>rooms with them sometimes, and they all have to push

0:48:19.560 --> 0:48:23.000
<v Speaker 1>through it. Like you know, I've beat myself up for years.

0:48:23.280 --> 0:48:27.120
<v Speaker 1>For years I've said to myself, woe is me? I'm short,

0:48:27.440 --> 0:48:30.800
<v Speaker 1>I like eating carbs. You know, all these other people

0:48:30.920 --> 0:48:34.360
<v Speaker 1>are tall and thin naturally, and they naturally like eating

0:48:34.400 --> 0:48:38.080
<v Speaker 1>whatever the protein mumbo jumbo is. And I have now

0:48:38.160 --> 0:48:42.000
<v Speaker 1>hung out with movie stars who like literally are struggling.

0:48:42.440 --> 0:48:45.279
<v Speaker 1>They're clenching their teeth. You look at them and you're like,

0:48:45.400 --> 0:48:48.840
<v Speaker 1>you're struggling with this, really, like you want that piece

0:48:48.880 --> 0:48:51.759
<v Speaker 1>of pizza and you're resisting it. Because I thought I

0:48:51.880 --> 0:48:54.640
<v Speaker 1>was the only one. I was like everybody else just

0:48:54.719 --> 0:48:58.879
<v Speaker 1>naturally wants the Greek yogurt. It's me and it's not

0:48:59.000 --> 0:49:02.279
<v Speaker 1>like everybody's or their own struggle, Like I've hung out

0:49:02.320 --> 0:49:05.359
<v Speaker 1>with movie stars where they're like, I haven't eaten a

0:49:05.400 --> 0:49:08.840
<v Speaker 1>carb in twenty years, for real, because I just can't.

0:49:08.880 --> 0:49:10.960
<v Speaker 1>If I eat one, I'm gonna want the whole thing

0:49:11.000 --> 0:49:14.480
<v Speaker 1>all over again. And you learn that everybody is struggling

0:49:14.640 --> 0:49:17.560
<v Speaker 1>their own struggles. It's real, and that helps you not

0:49:17.719 --> 0:49:22.200
<v Speaker 1>take everything so seriously, you know, and so personally you

0:49:22.320 --> 0:49:24.200
<v Speaker 1>take a shot and if it doesn't work out, you

0:49:24.280 --> 0:49:27.040
<v Speaker 1>move on, you know, maybe discipline yourself like I there

0:49:27.160 --> 0:49:29.759
<v Speaker 1>was a period of time where I used to be like,

0:49:29.840 --> 0:49:32.239
<v Speaker 1>for forty five minutes of the day, I'm going to

0:49:32.320 --> 0:49:35.879
<v Speaker 1>reach out to people somehow, whether it will be INSTEADM

0:49:36.120 --> 0:49:39.920
<v Speaker 1>or LinkedIn. I'm gonna read other people's things and actively

0:49:40.000 --> 0:49:43.680
<v Speaker 1>engage in their world because like a lot of people

0:49:43.719 --> 0:49:46.480
<v Speaker 1>on social media will have their accounts, they will have

0:49:46.520 --> 0:49:49.400
<v Speaker 1>their tweets in their posts, but they wait for people

0:49:49.400 --> 0:49:51.600
<v Speaker 1>to come to them. But the way to actually build

0:49:51.719 --> 0:49:54.719
<v Speaker 1>is to go out there and engage in other people's

0:49:55.280 --> 0:49:57.399
<v Speaker 1>like in your case, I'll give you an example. I'm

0:49:57.400 --> 0:50:02.040
<v Speaker 1>doing so many podcasts, but you posting install stories about

0:50:02.120 --> 0:50:04.880
<v Speaker 1>what you liked in my world, you know, you are

0:50:04.920 --> 0:50:08.920
<v Speaker 1>showing me that you're actually doing your homework, You're finding

0:50:08.960 --> 0:50:11.960
<v Speaker 1>things relevant that I work so hard to build for

0:50:12.080 --> 0:50:16.439
<v Speaker 1>readers that that puts you on the fast track to like, yes,

0:50:16.560 --> 0:50:18.799
<v Speaker 1>I want to talk to this lady. I want to

0:50:18.840 --> 0:50:21.879
<v Speaker 1>do our podcast immediately. You know what I mean. But

0:50:22.200 --> 0:50:24.520
<v Speaker 1>we all have to do some version of that in

0:50:24.560 --> 0:50:27.160
<v Speaker 1>our life. Is deliver value to other people so that

0:50:27.200 --> 0:50:30.759
<v Speaker 1>they are inspired to engage with us, that they feel like, yes,

0:50:31.040 --> 0:50:33.480
<v Speaker 1>this is a person who's done a little bit of homework,

0:50:33.800 --> 0:50:36.439
<v Speaker 1>cares to know about me, and how can I help them?

0:50:36.520 --> 0:50:38.640
<v Speaker 1>And then we build this cycle of help.

0:50:39.440 --> 0:50:41.399
<v Speaker 2>Well, you also told me crying on the internet would

0:50:41.400 --> 0:50:43.520
<v Speaker 2>go viral, but it didn't. So I just wonder when

0:50:43.560 --> 0:50:43.920
<v Speaker 2>you got to.

0:50:43.960 --> 0:50:48.960
<v Speaker 1>Keep doing it, do more. I'm there are unlimited tears

0:50:49.040 --> 0:50:49.359
<v Speaker 1>in there.

0:50:51.280 --> 0:50:53.520
<v Speaker 2>Not every book is like yours. Can I just say

0:50:53.680 --> 0:50:55.440
<v Speaker 2>for my audience, you may not think, I mean, I'm

0:50:55.480 --> 0:50:58.120
<v Speaker 2>an African American woman, what are our stories have in common?

0:50:58.160 --> 0:51:00.880
<v Speaker 2>But there was an anecdote in your book where for

0:51:00.960 --> 0:51:05.040
<v Speaker 2>your wedding you were almost tricked into getting your whole

0:51:05.040 --> 0:51:08.080
<v Speaker 2>body bleached and like being slathered in some kind of

0:51:08.160 --> 0:51:11.480
<v Speaker 2>chemical cream. Oh, and also in that anecdote you're trying

0:51:11.480 --> 0:51:13.719
<v Speaker 2>to figure out why am I not leaving? Why am

0:51:13.760 --> 0:51:14.719
<v Speaker 2>I enduring this?

0:51:15.239 --> 0:51:15.839
<v Speaker 1>Because it was.

0:51:15.800 --> 0:51:18.640
<v Speaker 2>Hours, right hours? And I just wanted you to know

0:51:18.640 --> 0:51:22.280
<v Speaker 2>how seen I felt. Because black women in America we straight,

0:51:22.320 --> 0:51:25.680
<v Speaker 2>we get we're grown up, often getting the chemical relaxers

0:51:25.719 --> 0:51:29.239
<v Speaker 2>on our head, and I, as a kid, I would

0:51:29.280 --> 0:51:32.839
<v Speaker 2>be burned alive like and I would be bloody and

0:51:32.960 --> 0:51:35.600
<v Speaker 2>have my hair stuck to my scalp afterward, and it

0:51:35.640 --> 0:51:38.000
<v Speaker 2>went on until my twenties, and you just you just

0:51:38.080 --> 0:51:40.400
<v Speaker 2>go through it and you're like, is this normal to

0:51:40.520 --> 0:51:43.279
<v Speaker 2>be in so so much pain and bleeding? And like

0:51:43.360 --> 0:51:46.759
<v Speaker 2>it must be because they're charging me for it. And

0:51:46.840 --> 0:51:49.080
<v Speaker 2>I just I felt really seen by that, and I

0:51:49.120 --> 0:51:53.040
<v Speaker 2>can there is something psychologically that happens when people are

0:51:53.400 --> 0:51:56.400
<v Speaker 2>inflicting pain on you for like a beauty standard that

0:51:56.600 --> 0:51:57.800
<v Speaker 2>just we just freeze.

0:51:58.400 --> 0:52:01.839
<v Speaker 1>We all did it. We still it's crazy. Oh my god.

0:52:01.880 --> 0:52:04.840
<v Speaker 1>When I was reliving that moment and writing that chapter,

0:52:05.680 --> 0:52:08.120
<v Speaker 1>I was like, did it not occur to me that

0:52:08.160 --> 0:52:11.680
<v Speaker 1>I could just be like stop this, I'm out? But

0:52:11.840 --> 0:52:14.320
<v Speaker 1>instead I was like, yeah, bleach every corner.

0:52:16.440 --> 0:52:18.400
<v Speaker 2>I don't know about that, but that was I was like,

0:52:18.640 --> 0:52:20.279
<v Speaker 2>even on my own scalps, I don't know how you

0:52:20.880 --> 0:52:23.319
<v Speaker 2>endure that, Sara, and I want to be respectful of

0:52:23.320 --> 0:52:26.759
<v Speaker 2>your time. I know you're so busy. Thank you a

0:52:26.840 --> 0:52:30.239
<v Speaker 2>million times over for saying yes and for letting me.

0:52:30.520 --> 0:52:32.120
<v Speaker 2>It's really rare. I don't take it for granted that

0:52:32.160 --> 0:52:33.480
<v Speaker 2>I get to look someone in the eyes and say,

0:52:33.520 --> 0:52:36.719
<v Speaker 2>your work really impacted me, and I'll carry it with me.

0:52:36.920 --> 0:52:40.160
<v Speaker 2>And as someone who doesn't like fully yet call themselves

0:52:40.200 --> 0:52:43.160
<v Speaker 2>an author, you wrote every word of this book, and

0:52:43.440 --> 0:52:46.080
<v Speaker 2>I myself, I am writing my own book right now.

0:52:46.120 --> 0:52:47.440
<v Speaker 2>I just submitted the manuscript.

0:52:47.520 --> 0:52:50.160
<v Speaker 1>Thank you. Yeah, that's a big journey. That is such

0:52:50.200 --> 0:52:50.919
<v Speaker 1>a hard job.

0:52:51.800 --> 0:52:55.399
<v Speaker 2>People kept telling me to get a ghost writer, and

0:52:55.600 --> 0:52:57.920
<v Speaker 2>I you tried, right, Yeah.

0:52:57.600 --> 0:53:00.759
<v Speaker 1>It was so bad. I mean I wasn't able to

0:53:00.760 --> 0:53:03.319
<v Speaker 1>do it. Maybe somebody else can show a better way.

0:53:03.320 --> 0:53:04.040
<v Speaker 1>But it didn't work.

0:53:04.719 --> 0:53:06.759
<v Speaker 2>It was just it became for me. I thought I

0:53:06.800 --> 0:53:09.319
<v Speaker 2>was going to write a personal finance career book. It

0:53:09.360 --> 0:53:13.360
<v Speaker 2>became stories, it became personal and I'm like, there's just

0:53:13.440 --> 0:53:14.799
<v Speaker 2>no way that's what I want.

0:53:14.880 --> 0:53:17.040
<v Speaker 1>I want to read that book, Like, I don't want

0:53:17.080 --> 0:53:20.680
<v Speaker 1>somebody's ghost written version. I want your words. And you know,

0:53:20.760 --> 0:53:23.480
<v Speaker 1>like now I know how you speak, I know who

0:53:23.520 --> 0:53:25.920
<v Speaker 1>your Cadence. I know how your mind is working. I

0:53:26.520 --> 0:53:28.880
<v Speaker 1>want more of this, So I hope that you just

0:53:29.000 --> 0:53:32.560
<v Speaker 1>write the story like I wrote my book, as if

0:53:32.600 --> 0:53:35.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm talking to a friend, and hope that it's being

0:53:35.200 --> 0:53:38.440
<v Speaker 1>received that way, because I don't think anybody needs like

0:53:38.520 --> 0:53:41.520
<v Speaker 1>a book from me that sounds like some deep thinking

0:53:41.520 --> 0:53:44.560
<v Speaker 1>philosopher wrote it, and it wouldn't be right. You know,

0:53:44.600 --> 0:53:47.719
<v Speaker 1>I'm a TikToker, So I think I really applaud you

0:53:47.760 --> 0:53:50.240
<v Speaker 1>that you've submitted a manuscript that's so hard.

0:53:50.920 --> 0:53:55.320
<v Speaker 2>Two years, baby, much work and pages and page and

0:53:55.560 --> 0:53:56.640
<v Speaker 2>and oh my god.

0:53:56.680 --> 0:53:58.480
<v Speaker 1>When you think you're done, you're never done.

0:53:58.800 --> 0:54:00.400
<v Speaker 2>Oh I know I'm not done either.

0:54:00.520 --> 0:54:03.720
<v Speaker 1>Round of cedits and another polish and another Oh my god.

0:54:04.200 --> 0:54:06.799
<v Speaker 1>So congrats to you, and really congrats to you for

0:54:06.960 --> 0:54:09.239
<v Speaker 1>using the time that you have at home where you're

0:54:09.239 --> 0:54:12.040
<v Speaker 1>restricted by so many things because you have little kids.

0:54:12.360 --> 0:54:14.840
<v Speaker 1>You're an example of how to make the best of

0:54:14.920 --> 0:54:18.000
<v Speaker 1>what you have and to put yourself in a position

0:54:18.160 --> 0:54:21.040
<v Speaker 1>that once the kids get out, you can really take

0:54:21.080 --> 0:54:24.600
<v Speaker 1>off from that landing point. It's just great. I love it.

0:54:25.160 --> 0:54:28.120
<v Speaker 2>Thank you so much for that encouragement, not that I

0:54:28.120 --> 0:54:29.719
<v Speaker 2>mean I feel like you've given us so much. You

0:54:29.719 --> 0:54:32.680
<v Speaker 2>don't owe me anything, but everything is in the book

0:54:32.719 --> 0:54:35.040
<v Speaker 2>and I just yeah, I just appreciate all that you

0:54:35.080 --> 0:54:38.640
<v Speaker 2>stand for. Everybody, please go buy a copy of Zarna's

0:54:38.680 --> 0:54:41.160
<v Speaker 2>incredible book. You got to get the audible because there's

0:54:41.200 --> 0:54:44.200
<v Speaker 2>bonus essays. Your daughter's essay. Oh damn, we didn't even

0:54:44.239 --> 0:54:49.120
<v Speaker 2>get into your kids. They're incredible. They're incredible. And check

0:54:49.120 --> 0:54:53.719
<v Speaker 2>out your podcast, Zarnagarg's Family Podcast. Yeah, I love it.

0:54:53.719 --> 0:54:56.400
<v Speaker 2>It's very you know, a unique name. You really like,

0:54:56.440 --> 0:54:57.600
<v Speaker 2>went outside the box with that.

0:54:57.760 --> 0:54:59.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we're really deep thinking involved.

0:55:00.080 --> 0:55:03.759
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but I hope this won't be our last chat.

0:55:03.800 --> 0:55:05.400
<v Speaker 2>I hope that we'll get to chat again soon, so

0:55:05.440 --> 0:55:08.000
<v Speaker 2>I won't try to get everything in there. Bazarrena guard

0:55:08.200 --> 0:55:11.239
<v Speaker 2>appreciate you. You embody, brown ambition, and we're just so

0:55:11.320 --> 0:55:12.239
<v Speaker 2>proud to have you here.

0:55:12.960 --> 0:55:15.520
<v Speaker 1>Thank you so much for having me. I'm so honored.

0:55:15.600 --> 0:55:18.560
<v Speaker 1>I love being on this podcast. I wish every listener

0:55:18.600 --> 0:55:21.759
<v Speaker 1>and viewer of yours great success. And for those who

0:55:21.800 --> 0:55:24.759
<v Speaker 1>are feeling stuck, I hope they feel unstuck when they

0:55:24.760 --> 0:55:27.640
<v Speaker 1>read IF and when they read my book. A big

0:55:27.719 --> 0:55:30.040
<v Speaker 1>reason I decided to write the book when I did

0:55:30.160 --> 0:55:33.360
<v Speaker 1>prioritize it over everything else is precisely for that reason.

0:55:33.400 --> 0:55:35.640
<v Speaker 1>So I get asked all the time, what can I do?

0:55:35.719 --> 0:55:38.399
<v Speaker 1>I feel so stuck, and I try to give them

0:55:38.400 --> 0:55:42.600
<v Speaker 1>the most honest, authentic solutions that I used in my

0:55:42.640 --> 0:55:44.799
<v Speaker 1>own life, and I really hope that one of them

0:55:44.840 --> 0:55:47.680
<v Speaker 1>works for them and helps them get unstuck. But thank

0:55:47.719 --> 0:55:50.719
<v Speaker 1>you for having me. You're so wonderful and I have

0:55:50.760 --> 0:55:53.680
<v Speaker 1>so much love for everybody in this universe. Thank you.

0:55:53.880 --> 0:55:55.440
<v Speaker 2>And I'll leave you, guys with one of my favorite

0:55:55.480 --> 0:55:58.080
<v Speaker 2>quotes from your book. Okay, well two of them, but

0:55:58.160 --> 0:55:59.799
<v Speaker 2>this one in particular is if you want to be

0:55:59.800 --> 0:56:02.759
<v Speaker 2>an entrepreneurs, start saying to yourself, I'm going to do

0:56:02.840 --> 0:56:05.680
<v Speaker 2>this no matter what every day. I Am going to

0:56:05.719 --> 0:56:07.839
<v Speaker 2>do this no matter what every day. Because there are

0:56:07.840 --> 0:56:10.200
<v Speaker 2>so many challenges, we've got to keep that mantra going.

0:56:11.040 --> 0:56:13.960
<v Speaker 2>Thank you, thank you all right, b I fam Until

0:56:14.000 --> 0:56:17.680
<v Speaker 2>next time, Bye bye