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Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Chelsea Handler. Welcome to Life Will Be the

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Speaker 1: Death of Me, a production of I Heart Radio. Welcome

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Speaker 1: back in Studio, Chelsea. Oh well, thank you, Brandon, thank

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Speaker 1: you for having me back in studio. You're very welcome.

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Speaker 1: It's just nice when I get to see you, because

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Speaker 1: if you're out on tour so much. I like the

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Speaker 1: story schedule. It's great. Like I did St. Louis on Friday,

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Speaker 1: which was so much fun, and then Saturday was Minneapolis

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Speaker 1: two nights a week. Like on the weekends, I could

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Speaker 1: get down with this kind of schedule. You're really into

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Speaker 1: the Midwest towns, lad I do, because they're so grateful.

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Speaker 1: They keep thanking you for coming. They just say thank

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Speaker 1: you so much for coming that you even did, like

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Speaker 1: you went through the art, you did some touristy stuff

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Speaker 1: while I was humid, though I had to come back

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Speaker 1: from that walk and change land wear. You can only

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Speaker 1: be outside. You got thirty minutes St. Louis, and I

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Speaker 1: know because that's where I'm from. It was, Oh that's right, Brandon.

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Speaker 1: You know what. I never even put two and two together.

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Speaker 1: That's how self absorbed I am. I forgot that you're

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Speaker 1: from St. Louis. I always think of you as a

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Speaker 1: North Dakodin self. Dad doesn't really matter. That's it called

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Speaker 1: a double whoopsie doodle. What does matter is this episode

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Speaker 1: with Natasha Leone. Yes, I was very excited, very sad

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Speaker 1: that I didn't get to go, but excited to hear it. Well.

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Speaker 1: Natasha and I did two shows in New York on

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Speaker 1: the same night, so enjoy. We'll be back after the break.

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Speaker 1: Before I get started and bring out my friend. This

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Speaker 1: is um a pretty serious chapter. It's called Marijuana keeps

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Speaker 1: families together. Some people are not built for drugs and alcohol.

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Speaker 1: I believe that I am. I believe that I am

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Speaker 1: built for the apocalypse. I reconnected with marijuana in my

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Speaker 1: late thirties. As I previously shared, I'm open to most

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Speaker 1: drugs as long as they don't leave you with a

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Speaker 1: hole in your arm or staring through a keyhole of

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Speaker 1: an apartment door looking out for drunes. At this stage

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Speaker 1: of my life, I find it prudent to avoid apartments altogether.

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Speaker 1: I love pot. When I first discovered it in high school,

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Speaker 1: or pretended I did because it made me look I

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Speaker 1: thought it made me look cool. But after a few

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Speaker 1: years of recreational abuse, it just ended up leaving me

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Speaker 1: paranoid and self conscious, and in one instance, getting up

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Speaker 1: to leave the theater when a movie ended, only to

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Speaker 1: realize I was on an airplane. Then one year, my

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Speaker 1: family and I were on our annual Christmas ski trip

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Speaker 1: to Whistler, Canada, and our chef made and that's relatable, right,

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Speaker 1: Our chef made us special adult cookies. Every night. My

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Speaker 1: brothers and sisters would line up in the kitchen on

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Speaker 1: our way to dinner, and I would doll out at

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Speaker 1: half a cookie to each of them, And if any

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Speaker 1: of my nieces and nephew stole any without me seeing,

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Speaker 1: it was none of my business. Our family thrived that year.

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Speaker 1: Our family doesn't really fight because we're all so exhausted

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Speaker 1: from our childhoods, but it definitely marked the new beginning

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Speaker 1: of a new era for the Handler family. The legalization

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Speaker 1: of marijuana and caliph orna raised standards at dispensaries. The

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Speaker 1: educative component that was lacking for so many years was

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Speaker 1: now available on all store bought weed. The labeling of strains,

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Speaker 1: along with the labying of th HC versus CBD ratios,

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Speaker 1: was all right there in black and white. With the

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Speaker 1: advent of a medicinal grade controlled micro dosing. There aren't

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Speaker 1: a lot of people I wouldn't recommend cannabis too. I've

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Speaker 1: turned straight arrow people into people I can actually spend

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Speaker 1: time with. I've gotten friends who have never done any drugs,

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Speaker 1: friends who have had terrible experiences with edibles, my Mormon

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Speaker 1: sister who's here tonight, People's parents, people's parents, Muslims, and

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Speaker 1: one nun to imbibe about the people I've introduced to

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Speaker 1: marijuana are now frequent users. I take a lot of

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Speaker 1: pride in that. I take a lot of pride in

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Speaker 1: being an enabler or a charm. I'd like to coin

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Speaker 1: a pharmacological intuitive, one who instinctually knows the exact to

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Speaker 1: write dosage for each consumer. After Trump was elected, I

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Speaker 1: came the closest I'd ever been too depressed. My anger

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Speaker 1: rose to the surface rather than simmering just beneath it.

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Speaker 1: I had something identifiable to be angry about, so instead

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Speaker 1: of masking it, I treated it. That's when the news

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Speaker 1: started to get fun. Kelly Anne Conway Stone is a

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Speaker 1: good time. It's right up there with Eddie Murphy, raw

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Speaker 1: Sam for Sarah's Suckaby Sanders. One day, Sarah Suckaby Sanders

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Speaker 1: came out for her breastpriefing with emerald green eyes shadow

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Speaker 1: shrouding one eye and zero eyeshadow on the other eye.

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Speaker 1: I was like, this is a whole new world. I'd

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Speaker 1: find myself laughing when Chris Matthews would interrupt his guests

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Speaker 1: while spitting all over them, and I started to see

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Speaker 1: the news for what it really was, a twenty four

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Speaker 1: hours spin cycle filled with conjecture and speculation about whatever

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Speaker 1: idiotic or racist comment Trump had tweeted that day. I

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Speaker 1: realized that I had allowed this administration to rob me

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Speaker 1: of one year of my life, and I wasn't going

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Speaker 1: to give them another. I needed a channel change. The

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Speaker 1: thing that non cannabis users failed to recognize is the

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Speaker 1: way cannabis bends your frame of mind. It allows access

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Speaker 1: to a recess part of your brain that I particularly

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Speaker 1: was deeply uh needing to engage. How to be less reactive,

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Speaker 1: how to stand down the edges. Those were things I

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Speaker 1: had been working on with my psychiatrist Dan. As a result,

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Speaker 1: things became slightly more poetic less final end of an empire.

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Speaker 1: My sleep got better, my moods got better, even my

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Speaker 1: dreams got better. I stopped watching the news on a loop,

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Speaker 1: and I even started waking up laughing some mornings pot

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Speaker 1: politics and Dan summed up tooth I was in eighteen

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Speaker 1: for me, the year I had to fall apart in

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Speaker 1: order to come back together. I was sitting in Dan's

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Speaker 1: office one Monday morning telling him how passionate I have

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Speaker 1: become about this new marijuana renaissance. My opinions have always

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Speaker 1: felt fully formed, I told Dan with Pott, it feels

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Speaker 1: like they are finally like unfurling. Every canvas is blank.

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Speaker 1: Everyone is so much less annoying, and everything is a

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Speaker 1: little more tolerable when I'm a little bit stoned, and

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Speaker 1: I said, I also don't feel compelled to talk as much,

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Speaker 1: and with my voice. That's a fucking bonus. In what

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Speaker 1: way is everyone's so annoying? It was always funny to

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Speaker 1: hear Dan repeat phrases I used, or use the word

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Speaker 1: annoying in a sentence. Annoying seemed like a word that

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Speaker 1: expires after adolescence, like conceded. I'd like that I was

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Speaker 1: finally rubbing off on Dan the thing I'm realizing Dan,

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Speaker 1: I told him, leaning on one elbum but missing the

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Speaker 1: arm of the chair and falling into my own lap.

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Speaker 1: Is that I'm the one that's annoying. I'm just now

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Speaker 1: finding out that this whole time, I've been the annoying one.

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Speaker 1: Dan stared straight at me, and it was hard to

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Speaker 1: discern his take on my new hobby. I went on,

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Speaker 1: I used to think that something was wrong with every

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Speaker 1: person in this world, and now I know I'm the

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Speaker 1: one with the problem. Everyone seems so much more interesting.

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Speaker 1: I explained to him. I don't think you should judge

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Speaker 1: yourself so harshly, Dan said. This is a phrase Dan

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Speaker 1: repeated to me frequently, and one I've never quite gotten

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Speaker 1: on board with. I do, I told him, I feel

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Speaker 1: like that's what's been missing this whole time, circling around

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Speaker 1: other people and in order to avoid myself, I deserve

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Speaker 1: to be on the receiving end of my own judgment.

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Speaker 1: It's my come uppance. And it's like this little porthole

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Speaker 1: into a whole new world has opened up. When I'm stoned,

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Speaker 1: I can find joy and shaving my legs. This was

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Speaker 1: what I realized. I was stoned. I had popped a

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Speaker 1: chocolate covered Kiva blueberry on my way out the door

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Speaker 1: that morning. I don't usually take them in the morning,

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Speaker 1: but I had therapy and thought, fuck it. That's my

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Speaker 1: favorite thing about edibles. Forgetting you've taken any and then

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Speaker 1: you feel this little psychological twinkle and suddenly things get

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Speaker 1: just a wee bit more dynamic. We'd lit up my

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Speaker 1: curiosity and things I hadn't been interested in for years.

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Speaker 1: That's what I was missing, getting lost in life a

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Speaker 1: little bit more. Dan told me that if I could

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Speaker 1: access that state of mind when I was high, it

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Speaker 1: was already part of my psyche, which meant that I

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Speaker 1: could access it without anything at all or through meditation.

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Speaker 1: I'm not there yet, I told him, I'm gonna stick

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Speaker 1: with the weed right now. I'd been trying to for

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Speaker 1: months to meditate, and it was going nowhere fast. I

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Speaker 1: could only do forced meditation when I was with Dan.

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Speaker 1: He made me short recordings and meditations and long recordings

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Speaker 1: and meditations, and I tried to do it for a

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Speaker 1: few days at home, and then I'd forget, or I'd

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Speaker 1: remember and then forget. Not only is it easier for

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Speaker 1: me to be around other people, I told him, it's

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Speaker 1: definitely easier for people to be around me. I'm able

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Speaker 1: to have conversations with people. I never had the patience

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Speaker 1: to listen to before. I'm so much less judge. Everything

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Speaker 1: becomes a little bit softer, a little bit less apocalyptic.

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Speaker 1: No black and white, more middle, more pleasant. Well that's great,

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Speaker 1: he said, I don't have a problem with you taking edibles.

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Speaker 1: And I said, the other good news is it's cutting

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Speaker 1: my drinking in half. This was a sentence I thought

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Speaker 1: would never come out of my mouth. So I want

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Speaker 1: to be very very clear this. I have no intention

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Speaker 1: now or in any future of giving up alcohol. Thank

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Speaker 1: you for your support. Okay, this is not a book

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Speaker 1: where I get sober at the end. However, cutting my

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Speaker 1: drinking in a half was an unexpected perk, and that

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Speaker 1: is when I started to get serious about cannabis. I've

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Speaker 1: been approached by various weed companies to start my own

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Speaker 1: line of cannabis products, but I didn't want to jump

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Speaker 1: on the bandwagon until I had done due diligence and

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Speaker 1: fully investigated what was available on the market. This meant

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Speaker 1: that it had became my job to know everything about

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Speaker 1: every available oil, weed, candy, bath, salt, herb, and food

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Speaker 1: item that contained cannabis. I was sitting around my house

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Speaker 1: in Los Angeles one weekend with my brother's Glen and

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Speaker 1: my sister Shawna, who are in the audience tonight doling

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Speaker 1: out the new edibles that I wanted them to try. Chelsea,

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Speaker 1: Glenn asked me, dripping in sarcasm, would you consider yourself

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Speaker 1: a medical practitioner. No, I think of myself as more

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Speaker 1: of a pharmacological intuitive, I said, testing out the term

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Speaker 1: in everyday usage. I have a history of helping people, Glenn,

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Speaker 1: yourself included, So why don't you shut the funk up

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Speaker 1: and take this edible? Glenn and I both suffer from

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Speaker 1: psoriasis on our skin, but only one of us had

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Speaker 1: clear skin until I shared with Glenn the prescription that

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Speaker 1: had knocked it out of my system to ducksy cycling

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Speaker 1: twice a day, ten days, never on an empty stomach.

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Speaker 1: I gave the very same prescription to my hairstylist when

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Speaker 1: she had a terrible bout of acne, twice a day,

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Speaker 1: ten days, never on an empty stomach. Glenn no longer

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Speaker 1: has ariasis, and my hair stylist no longer has acne.

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Speaker 1: And there are several African villagers who now have the

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Speaker 1: cure to malaria. My sister Simona is required to give

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Speaker 1: formal presentations at work, which makes her nervous. Her anxiety

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Speaker 1: causes dry mouth, so I gave her a bottle of propanalol,

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Speaker 1: which is a beta blocker that cuts off the signal

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Speaker 1: from your neurotransmitters that tells your brain it's anxious. Thank

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Speaker 1: god we have a doctor in the family. Simone set

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Speaker 1: after a second promotion. My area of expertise isn't only

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Speaker 1: limited to cannabis and pharmaceuticals. I have had a hundred

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Speaker 1: percent success rate helping many women friends who prior to

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Speaker 1: my intervention hadn't gone number two in years become regular.

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Speaker 1: Women in particular struggle with regularity, so it is important

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Speaker 1: to have bowel movement advocates out there. There are over

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Speaker 1: the counter calcium magnesium pills called mag O seven from

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Speaker 1: Aerobic Life, and if you start with four each night,

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Speaker 1: typically by day three, you will start to have regular

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Speaker 1: bowel movements. They do not pay me. This is a

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Speaker 1: public service announcement. At that point, once you start going regularly,

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Speaker 1: I usually advise patients to reduce their intake to three

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Speaker 1: pills in order to avoid morning diarrhea, breast inflammation before

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Speaker 1: your period. Rose hips once a day for a month.

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Speaker 1: My cousin Molly told me that one hangovers to etcetern

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Speaker 1: and the headache will be gone in less than ten minutes.

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Speaker 1: Caffeine is the antidote to headaches caused by alcohol, and

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Speaker 1: Excedrin contains caffeine. I would like them to pay me

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Speaker 1: to promote them, because that's something I would do. If

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Speaker 1: you've been drinking milk thistle helps if you take it

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Speaker 1: before you go to bed, but it's hard to remember

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Speaker 1: to take something when your ship face. All in all,

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Speaker 1: my point is I've had an incredible track record with

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Speaker 1: curing people, and the only mistakes I make are usually

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Speaker 1: with myself, Like the time I swallowed a yeast infection

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Speaker 1: pill that was supposed to be administered vaginally after speaking

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Speaker 1: with my doctor on the phone. I waited expectantly in

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Speaker 1: the forty eight hours that followed for a loaf of

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Speaker 1: bread to pop out of my mouth. I know if

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Speaker 1: people have the personality for zan X or if they

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Speaker 1: will do better on a lighter sleeping pill like Sonata

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Speaker 1: generic brand is a leplan. I also know that zan

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Speaker 1: X isn't a sleeping pill, but that's what I used

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Speaker 1: it for. Adderall is good for some people, but too

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Speaker 1: much for certain personality types. High energy people like me

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Speaker 1: do not need adderall, no matter how tired you are,

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Speaker 1: unless you want to wake up in the middle of

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Speaker 1: the night cracking your fucking goals. But if you do

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Speaker 1: like adderall, what's even better is Provigil or new Vigil.

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Speaker 1: That's what people in the government, in the military use

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Speaker 1: when they travel through different time zones. Provigil is the

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Speaker 1: best thing I've ever taken for jet lag or if

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Speaker 1: I really need to focus on something. But again, if

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Speaker 1: you have a knuckle cracking problem, which everyone in my

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Speaker 1: family has, just start with a half. There's nothing I

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Speaker 1: love more than hopping on an international flight, popping a

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Speaker 1: Xanex and sleeping for twelve hours straight. But I've become

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Speaker 1: so disgusted with the pharmaceutical industry in this country that

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Speaker 1: I have redirected that passion and dedication into the healthier

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Speaker 1: alternative cannabis. Chelsea Glenn said, putting his fork down. You

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Speaker 1: should be a late stage companion. That's something you could

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Speaker 1: do your fun, something activity based, so you can, you know,

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Speaker 1: be moving somewhere by the mountains or a pool. Older

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Speaker 1: men seem to be drawn to you. You'd get hired

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Speaker 1: all the time. Who's in the late stage? I asked him,

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Speaker 1: me or the companion. The companion, shann Has said, always

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Speaker 1: the companion. You have a lot in common with older people.

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Speaker 1: He's got a good idea. Then my brother said, this

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Speaker 1: can be the perfect foil for your identity crisis, Chelsea.

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Speaker 1: Since you can no longer date older guys, this is

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Speaker 1: the way you can still hang out with them all

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Speaker 1: the time. The reason I can't date older guys is

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Speaker 1: because now they're too fucking old and forty four. So

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Speaker 1: I got to lower the margin and get in my

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Speaker 1: own age group, which is tough. Glenn wiped his mouth

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Speaker 1: and took a sip of Mike's Hard Lemonade, which he

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Speaker 1: had brought to my house. Glenn and I are a

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Speaker 1: lot of like we find something we like and then

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Speaker 1: we abuse it for two months, and then we're onto

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Speaker 1: the next thing. Glenn was having a Mike's Hard Lemonade renaissance,

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Speaker 1: and although I was repulsed, I understood it, Chelsea. Glenn said,

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Speaker 1: and you're in your professional opinion. What procedure do you

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Speaker 1: think Donald Trump is getting to make his face look

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Speaker 1: like it does? What do you mean, I asked, I

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Speaker 1: don't think he's actually getting work done to look that bad.

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Speaker 1: I mean, what he should be doing is resurfacing the

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Speaker 1: texture of his skin, at the very least, getting the

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Speaker 1: fat sucked out from underneath his eyes, and maybe light

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Speaker 1: bo But he obviously can't even see clearly. If he

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Speaker 1: thinks that's what he's presenting, is even presentable. I mean,

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Speaker 1: obviously we're not going to get through to this guy.

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Speaker 1: His asses the size of my dog Berts, So I

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Speaker 1: think that should be on the first thing on his

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Speaker 1: to do list. You don't think he's doing stuff to

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Speaker 1: his mouth, Glenn asked, He was being serious, so I

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Speaker 1: looked up. Yeah, Like, what is there some sort of

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Speaker 1: surgical procedure or face treatment that makes your mouth look

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Speaker 1: more like an anis? I had to think about that

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Speaker 1: when my brother asked me that question. I don't know

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Speaker 1: anything about a procedure to make your mouth smaller or

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Speaker 1: face treatment that makes your mouth look more like an

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Speaker 1: anis or anus. Like, I'm not sure what the vernacular

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Speaker 1: is here. He may think it looks good, Chelsea, Glenn

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Speaker 1: reminded me, it's as if his mouth keeps getting tighter

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Speaker 1: and tighter and smaller and smaller. I liked the idea

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Speaker 1: of Donald Trump sewing his mouth closed, one surgical procedure

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Speaker 1: at a time. This country has had a rough year,

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Speaker 1: Glenn's side. Men have had a rough year, Shauna said,

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Speaker 1: and you fucking deserve it. It sounds like I said,

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Speaker 1: you only have yourselves to blame. It's a wrap on

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Speaker 1: old white men. Well, not all old white men, just

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Speaker 1: a bunch of them, Yeah, Shauna said, walking back to

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Speaker 1: the table with a frozen ham in her hands. She

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Speaker 1: wanted to know if I was saving the ham for

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Speaker 1: a special occasion. Occasion she was definitely stoned if she

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Speaker 1: wanted to cook a ham. So I redirected my attention

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Speaker 1: back to the only male in the room. Let me

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Speaker 1: tell you a little story about men, Glenn. Okay, every

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Speaker 1: week I go to the nail salon where I get

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Speaker 1: a massage on my forearms after my manicure, and that

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Speaker 1: is the closest I have ever in my life come

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Speaker 1: to understand what it feels like to get a hand shop.

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Speaker 1: I want a climax in that salon. I want to

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Speaker 1: let loose and just let them rubby and just let

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Speaker 1: it rip. I want that, but I don't do it

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Speaker 1: because I'm not a fucking pig. That's the difference between

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Speaker 1: men and women. We are more prone to controlling ourselves. Yes,

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Speaker 1: Glenna Green, most women are, but I would place you

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Speaker 1: in the category of people who have trouble controlling themselves.

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Speaker 1: It's a very good thing you weren't born with male

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Speaker 1: genitaliat I can guarantee that if I were, you would

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Speaker 1: still never find me jerking off into a fucking plant.

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Speaker 1: Who did that? He asked, I don't know. One of

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Speaker 1: these guys, Louis c. K or Harvey Weinstein, one of

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Speaker 1: them jerked off into a plant. I mean, seriously, when

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Speaker 1: does it come to that. I'm stone high, drunken stone,

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Speaker 1: Shanna said, with a frozen ham tucked into her armpit.

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Speaker 1: You're not drunk, I reassured her, and guided her upstairs

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Speaker 1: to my bathroom. I placed the frozen ham on the

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Speaker 1: floor of the infrared sonora and told Sean it would

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Speaker 1: be ready first thing in the morning. Is that thing

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Speaker 1: even on? She asked, yes, I told her, as I

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Speaker 1: guided her to my bed. How do you feel, I said,

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Speaker 1: as we climbed into bed, super warm and fuzzy, she

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Speaker 1: told me. I got out my medical journal journal and

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Speaker 1: I made a note of her condition. Are you hungry?

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Speaker 1: I asked her. I had been working tirelessly on isolating

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Speaker 1: the right strain of marijuana that doesn't give you the

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Speaker 1: munch sheets. I'm not hungry, she said. The ham just

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Speaker 1: reminded me of something Mom would have made us a Christmas.

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Speaker 1: I said, Oh, do you feel sad? I took out

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Speaker 1: my medical notebook again. No, just warm and fuzzy. We

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Speaker 1: lay in my bed, holding hands, looking out of the backyard,

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Speaker 1: lit by the lanterns hanging into my trees. I felt

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Speaker 1: grateful in that moment that I was lying next to

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Speaker 1: my sister, and for all the gifts that life had

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Speaker 1: given me, and for all the girls life had given me.

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Speaker 1: I just want everything to go on forever, I told Shannah,

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Speaker 1: and then I stuck my finger in her butt. When

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Speaker 1: are we gonna be too old to act like this?

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Speaker 1: She asked me, giggling. Will never be too old to

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Speaker 1: act like this? I told her. Then she yawned and said,

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Speaker 1: just because I get colon X doesn't mean you can

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Speaker 1: treat me like ship. And then she rolled over and

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Speaker 1: fell asleep. Thank you. M hm. Okay, we're gonna take

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Speaker 1: a quick break and we'll be right back. MH. I'm

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Speaker 1: very grateful to my friend. That's who I've known for

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Speaker 1: many years, and she's always been somebody that I've watched

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Speaker 1: because you could watch her for hours. And she just

363
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Speaker 1: had a very very successful run with her new show,

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Speaker 1: Russian Dal, which I know everybody knows about. So please

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Speaker 1: welcome Natasha Leone. I'm in business business attire. Thank you

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Speaker 1: for dressing so professionally. You know. The tables have tuned, Chelsea,

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Speaker 1: and so this is gonna be my big Larry King

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Speaker 1: come out party, is how I see it. And I

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Speaker 1: want to watch you individually peel each one of these oranges,

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Speaker 1: and we're gonna be here for seven hours. The book

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Speaker 1: is great. I've read the book. Thank you for reading

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Speaker 1: the book, and I've come prepared. I'm gonna put these

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Speaker 1: on even though I'm actually nearsighted, but I'm looking forward

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Speaker 1: to becoming far sighted because then you can do this move,

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Speaker 1: which I think always makes people seem smart and old,

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Speaker 1: and then they can kind of do this. But I

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Speaker 1: just want to remind you I can see perfectly at

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Speaker 1: this distance. It's up there. I would need it for

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00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:03,399
Speaker 1: So I've prepared some flash cards and I've told you

380
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:05,600
Speaker 1: about the Rotunda, which is a game we're gonna be

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Speaker 1: playing later. Okay, so Chelsea, I'm saying it right. Yeah, No,

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Speaker 1: it's it's Tracy. It's oh, it's what's tracy but spelled

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00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:20,879
Speaker 1: with a Yes. That's interesting. Why an apostrophe at the end. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm not surprised because I've heard a lot about your childhood.

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Speaker 1: This is it's a it's hard having a childhood, isn't it.

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Speaker 1: It's hard. It's hard. It's hard at spending your adulthood

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Speaker 1: getting over your childhood for sure. Now this is my

388
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:38,240
Speaker 1: sort of big beef with therapy. This is not on

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Speaker 1: the flash cards. Um, but I'm like, Jesus, what do

390
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,719
Speaker 1: you want for me? Like my entire life is going

391
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:52,720
Speaker 1: to be unpacking this fucking yeah ten year event? What

392
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:57,520
Speaker 1: a bummer? Why is this my problem? I didn't do it? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? I know what I mean.

394
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Speaker 1: Are talking about the ten years being your childhood? Oh

395
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 1: so well you had a short childhood. Yeah, so it's

396
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:10,440
Speaker 1: even easier to get over I guess. I guess like that. Yeah,

397
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:13,520
Speaker 1: by eleven, you know what I mean? The workforce and

398
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:18,800
Speaker 1: Fax machines, that's where they have you know, Fax machines

399
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:23,000
Speaker 1: and up very quick where you were on TV and stuff, yes,

400
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:27,800
Speaker 1: but also running an office and office supply chain store,

401
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:31,000
Speaker 1: which I it's you know, more common. People talk about, oh,

402
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,199
Speaker 1: you're a child acting. Nobody talks about my time at

403
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:38,080
Speaker 1: Staples as a kid. Yeah. No, I didn't know about Staples,

404
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,840
Speaker 1: thank you. It's not as glamorous, but it was important

405
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:43,040
Speaker 1: to me and that's where I first fell in love

406
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:48,600
Speaker 1: with paper clips. I'm gonna remove this one in honor. Okay,

407
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:53,800
Speaker 1: let me have a separate h Now, do you really

408
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 1: have two hundred and fifty grands set aside for a funeral?

409
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:02,359
Speaker 1: And that's big money. I set two hundred and fifty

410
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Speaker 1: thousand dollars aside for my funeral a long time ago,

411
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Speaker 1: just because I wanted to have a great funeral and

412
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Speaker 1: I wanted to make sure it was done well, and

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Speaker 1: I wanted it to be a celebration. And I took

414
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Speaker 1: it seriously because so many people don't think about that,

415
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:17,719
Speaker 1: and I thought if I could, if I died tragically,

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00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:20,520
Speaker 1: which is a possibility, I want to be prepared and

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00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:23,000
Speaker 1: I don't want to stress out my family, and I want,

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Speaker 1: you know, I want to invite all the people that

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Speaker 1: loved me and all the people who didn't. I want

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Speaker 1: everyone to go to this party. I want little people.

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Speaker 1: I want mushrooms. I want little people on mushrooms. I

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00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:36,760
Speaker 1: just want a big blowout. But now that I've become

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00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:40,000
Speaker 1: a little bit more awakened or I don't know that

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00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 1: word sounds still, I have a trouble without word a

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00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:44,520
Speaker 1: little bit. Even though that's kind of how I feel.

426
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:46,960
Speaker 1: I feel like that money should probably go to the

427
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:51,840
Speaker 1: Double A CP or something instead of having another blowout party.

428
00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:56,080
Speaker 1: Just a thought or both, is that they have my

429
00:25:56,160 --> 00:26:00,560
Speaker 1: party at the Double A C P tie. I'm allowing

430
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:06,679
Speaker 1: and uh, you know you opposed to dwelling some of

431
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:10,280
Speaker 1: that cash my way? Maybe a joint funeral. We could

432
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,320
Speaker 1: have a joint funeral. That would be fun. I mean

433
00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:15,719
Speaker 1: we'd have Yeah, I don't see why that okay, now,

434
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:18,320
Speaker 1: so how does that work? We have to coordinate our deaths,

435
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:22,040
Speaker 1: That's what I'm thinking now, or with a kind gesture

436
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:28,320
Speaker 1: therapeutically speaking, the empathetic gesture. Whoever dies first, the other

437
00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:32,920
Speaker 1: person waits and holds the funeral however long. Yeah, you know,

438
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:37,840
Speaker 1: fifteen years or one minutes right right? That seems fair. Yeah, okay,

439
00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:40,360
Speaker 1: ideas ideas you know who else did? If I die?

440
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,560
Speaker 1: First you plan my funeral? And then do you get

441
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:45,040
Speaker 1: where's the money with your money? So what's the most

442
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:47,000
Speaker 1: important here is the money? And I think we shouldn't

443
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,440
Speaker 1: lose sight of that. You know who else did that?

444
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:53,440
Speaker 1: The late great Nora Ephron did she Uh well, I

445
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:55,200
Speaker 1: don't know how much she spent, how much money she

446
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:57,640
Speaker 1: put aside, but she had a file going her whole

447
00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:00,680
Speaker 1: life and it was like, it's got a great name.

448
00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:08,000
Speaker 1: It's sort of like the Final something Yeah, final movie finale.

449
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:12,520
Speaker 1: It was pretty better than that, right, the last movie,

450
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:15,199
Speaker 1: which is actually maybe a Dennis Happer sort of a

451
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:18,879
Speaker 1: terry Southern movie, but we won't get into that. Well,

452
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:22,800
Speaker 1: this we've covered. It's a series of additional funeral questions.

453
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:27,080
Speaker 1: DJ's destination funerals and so on. Do you have a

454
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 1: DJ you'd like to use at your wedding? I mean funeral?

455
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:34,080
Speaker 1: I actually am planning a wedding funeral, so it's not

456
00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:38,239
Speaker 1: even uh, you know, a Freudian slips. So that's when

457
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:41,760
Speaker 1: I'm getting married, is uh on my deathbed. It's going

458
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:47,760
Speaker 1: to be very romantic and there will be a DJ. Yes, um,

459
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:51,199
Speaker 1: it's important to know. Is there anyone you know besides

460
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:55,400
Speaker 1: Donald Trump who I don't care to insult clearly that

461
00:27:55,480 --> 00:28:00,639
Speaker 1: you don't want a funeral your funeral? Yes, Like, if

462
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:02,879
Speaker 1: you would like to name names of some other people

463
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:06,960
Speaker 1: that are on your list, but you don't have to,

464
00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:10,720
Speaker 1: and I won't murder them, is I would not? I'm not.

465
00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:14,840
Speaker 1: I'm not actually like a soprano. I just talk tough,

466
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:18,520
Speaker 1: and it's an important distinction. But if there's anybody that

467
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:21,280
Speaker 1: you don't want your funeral, you know what I'm saying.

468
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:23,639
Speaker 1: You just let me know and I'll make sure then

469
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:28,199
Speaker 1: that it's your funeral. Okay, are aren't you pissed that

470
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:32,679
Speaker 1: you weren't on the Sopranos. I'm at all times pissed

471
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:35,720
Speaker 1: that I'm like, where's my mafia picture? Because I'm so

472
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:39,200
Speaker 1: so ready. I don't know. I don't hate anybody that much.

473
00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:40,880
Speaker 1: I don't care about hating people as much as I

474
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:43,560
Speaker 1: used to. So it's a I'm trying out a new

475
00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:47,280
Speaker 1: philosophy where even if someone doesn't like me, I like them. Yeah,

476
00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 1: And that's a that's a fun game to play, that

477
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 1: is truly enlightened. It's like, oh, that's truly. Yeah. Yeah,

478
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:55,240
Speaker 1: I'm trying it out and I like it. Do you

479
00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:58,120
Speaker 1: think you're gonna die young? Sort of left field? Hut,

480
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:07,640
Speaker 1: it's just slipping it in. It's just the tip. We're okay,

481
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:11,680
Speaker 1: you can't get pregnant from just the tip. We all

482
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:17,080
Speaker 1: know that. Tell your kids. That's right, Yeah, that's correct, everybody.

483
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 1: Do you think so? No, you don't know you can

484
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:23,560
Speaker 1: get pregnant from the tip? Yeah, well you really. You

485
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:25,760
Speaker 1: were pregnant at sixteen. I was pregnant a couple of

486
00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:29,360
Speaker 1: times at sixteen, Yeah, more than once, more than once. Yeah,

487
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:32,400
Speaker 1: same guy, different Yeah. I had a black boyfriend in

488
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:35,160
Speaker 1: high school. His name was ty Sewan. He's actually my

489
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:39,280
Speaker 1: new documentary that's coming out about white privilege, um my

490
00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:43,680
Speaker 1: own specifically. And I always thought, like I always thought

491
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:46,479
Speaker 1: white privilege meant, you know, you were from like a family,

492
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:48,360
Speaker 1: like you had trust funds, and you were from the

493
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:51,800
Speaker 1: Rockefeller family and you went to Harvard like I identified

494
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:55,200
Speaker 1: white privilege like that. And it wasn't until after the

495
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:59,080
Speaker 1: election that I really just started to think about my

496
00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:01,000
Speaker 1: own privilege in a way that I hadn't noted, like,

497
00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:04,640
Speaker 1: hadn't understood before. And I was embarrassed because of all

498
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:07,080
Speaker 1: the success I've had and how easily it came to me. Yeah,

499
00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:09,080
Speaker 1: I worked hard, and we all worked hard, but it

500
00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:11,640
Speaker 1: was I got rewarded for a lot of bad behavior,

501
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:13,440
Speaker 1: and that wouldn't have happened to somebody who didn't look

502
00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:21,400
Speaker 1: like me. So so I went and revisited Tayshawn for

503
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:25,040
Speaker 1: this documentary because we got arrested three or times while

504
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:28,600
Speaker 1: we were together. For what. I didn't get arrested. He

505
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:31,680
Speaker 1: got arrested for a dime bag of pot he got.

506
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:34,600
Speaker 1: Every time he got caught. I was not every time

507
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:36,760
Speaker 1: who knows how many other times, but three times I

508
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:39,040
Speaker 1: was with him. Each time the police officer said, okay,

509
00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:41,120
Speaker 1: miss you get out of this neighborhood and go home,

510
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:44,320
Speaker 1: and and then he was arrested. So he had a

511
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:47,680
Speaker 1: full scholarship to u n l V University to play basketball,

512
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:50,560
Speaker 1: and he was not able to go because of those

513
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:54,040
Speaker 1: three infractions, which were stupid, but I mean, a white

514
00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:55,960
Speaker 1: person gets away with that. I got away with it,

515
00:30:56,360 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 1: and it then spent fourteen years incarcerated, and his whole

516
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:03,680
Speaker 1: life was ruined. And so I saw him in the documentary.

517
00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:06,120
Speaker 1: I really like re visit his family and get his

518
00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:08,560
Speaker 1: story and hear about it, because I just walked out

519
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:10,080
Speaker 1: of his world and was like, Okay, I'm done with

520
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:11,880
Speaker 1: this phase in my life. I'm done. I'm done with

521
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:13,800
Speaker 1: my black face. I'm gonna go back to my family,

522
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:17,520
Speaker 1: you know. And I just left and I could. And

523
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:20,760
Speaker 1: I never thought about that until the election. I didn't

524
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:22,760
Speaker 1: think about a lot of things until the election. You know.

525
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 1: I thought, oh, we elected Barack Obama, Great racism is over.

526
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:30,200
Speaker 1: And I thought we were gonna let Hillary Clinton. And

527
00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:32,720
Speaker 1: I thought, great feminism is That's a fight we don't

528
00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:36,040
Speaker 1: have to do much of anymore. So when those two

529
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:41,640
Speaker 1: things backfired, I woke up and I started to look

530
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:44,320
Speaker 1: around and all asked the questions. And it was embarrassed

531
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:45,720
Speaker 1: that it took me this long to get here. But

532
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:48,640
Speaker 1: I'm happy to be late to the party than to

533
00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:56,480
Speaker 1: never show up at all. And and I think that

534
00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:58,560
Speaker 1: we all have to wake up. The world's only getting

535
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:00,960
Speaker 1: browner and gayer, so you better fucking hop on board

536
00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:15,560
Speaker 1: before you missed the bus. Indeed, mm hmm, yeah, I

537
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:17,720
Speaker 1: think about that. I think about a lot, you know,

538
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 1: especially because um the prison show. I'm on. Uh, I'm

539
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:30,920
Speaker 1: not making it about me. But you know it's early

540
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:34,200
Speaker 1: on I think I would really identify. I was like,

541
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:35,800
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I know how to be on this show

542
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:40,080
Speaker 1: because I've like spent time and various holding cells and

543
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:41,800
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like you know, I mean,

544
00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:44,080
Speaker 1: did you got to rest a lot in your real life?

545
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:49,160
Speaker 1: You know, more than once, less than the more times,

546
00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:56,400
Speaker 1: the ten less less um? Yeah, expunged um. So uh

547
00:32:56,760 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 1: that cut to the end of the story. Uh without details.

548
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:04,360
Speaker 1: You know, I too spend a great deal of time,

549
00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:07,240
Speaker 1: you know, thinking. You know, it's it's like you know,

550
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:09,480
Speaker 1: people say, and we went on this documentary, went to

551
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:11,080
Speaker 1: the South and you know all the places where you

552
00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:14,520
Speaker 1: find races and um and which are everywhere in every city,

553
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:16,400
Speaker 1: and you know, it ended up being in my own backyard.

554
00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:18,400
Speaker 1: L A is the most segregated city in the world.

555
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:20,880
Speaker 1: I live in bel Air. Like, who am I? What

556
00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:22,880
Speaker 1: am I thinking that I'm diverse? I live in the

557
00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:25,400
Speaker 1: whitest place in the country. I mean, I don't know

558
00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:28,080
Speaker 1: if there's a whiter place, maybe Winter parlto something very

559
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:31,800
Speaker 1: Jewish what bell Air? Oh well, I'm not hanging out

560
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 1: with the Jews. But yeah, it's very Jewish and very white.

561
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:37,440
Speaker 1: But you know, you don't look around, you don't think

562
00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 1: about that. When I was doing this documentary and people

563
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:41,600
Speaker 1: were asking me about that, I was like, oh, yeah,

564
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:44,280
Speaker 1: I went to Santa Monica from New Jersey where I

565
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:46,560
Speaker 1: had one black kid in my school, and then I

566
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:49,720
Speaker 1: moved to Santa Monica and then Brentwood, and then I

567
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:53,280
Speaker 1: moved to bell Air. So you know, you think you

568
00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:56,960
Speaker 1: know what privileges, or you know what you're who you're

569
00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:59,840
Speaker 1: surrounding yourself with, or I'm not guilty of that. I

570
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:02,560
Speaker 1: not guilty of that. We're all a little bit guilty

571
00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:05,320
Speaker 1: of not being better allies and advocates to people of color.

572
00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:07,280
Speaker 1: We're all a little bit we can all do better.

573
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:11,000
Speaker 1: And so that's a big you know, that's a good

574
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:13,640
Speaker 1: thing to know when you're moving forward in something in

575
00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:16,759
Speaker 1: your life and my work especially, that needs to be

576
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:20,960
Speaker 1: you know, front and center because I'm there because I've

577
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 1: been spoiled and I realized, well, yeah, you know, uh

578
00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 1: strong a great Chelsea Strong agree, um, but but genuinely

579
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:36,680
Speaker 1: and and uh yeah, I hate it all. I hate um.

580
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:40,480
Speaker 1: I hate tokenism. I hate the more subtle forms of

581
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:44,800
Speaker 1: white supremacy that we see. I hate seeing it in

582
00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:49,600
Speaker 1: movies I I fucking hated that's a well done. Okay,

583
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:51,640
Speaker 1: well this sounds like a good time to take a break.

584
00:34:55,080 --> 00:35:00,360
Speaker 1: What is the most interesting place that you have traveled to? Africa?

585
00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:03,840
Speaker 1: I mean, Africa really feels like you're on another planet.

586
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:08,960
Speaker 1: You get there and you're like, holy shit. Iceland too,

587
00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:12,160
Speaker 1: I've been, Yeah, is what? Well? It feels very much

588
00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:15,040
Speaker 1: like another planet in a very Spaceland feels more like

589
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:19,720
Speaker 1: Game of Thrones. They have shark on the menu and whale.

590
00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:23,680
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't think so, buddy. Yeah, yeah, food

591
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:26,600
Speaker 1: is bad in Iceland. Where in Africa? Have you been?

592
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:29,759
Speaker 1: Been on Safari? Like three times? And I've been um

593
00:35:30,520 --> 00:35:36,759
Speaker 1: to Botswana, South Africa, I think both times. Yeah, I

594
00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:38,640
Speaker 1: went back to South Africa and then the last time.

595
00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:40,279
Speaker 1: I think that was one of those trips where you

596
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:43,319
Speaker 1: just can't you can't believe what you're looking at. You're

597
00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:45,840
Speaker 1: just like, oh my god, and you just go on.

598
00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:48,280
Speaker 1: I mean, you could watch a lion for ten hours straight.

599
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:50,360
Speaker 1: I'm not I love my dogs, but I'm not like

600
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:52,520
Speaker 1: this animal activist, you know what I mean? Like, I

601
00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:54,480
Speaker 1: don't I'm not gonna hurt an animal, but like I'm

602
00:35:54,480 --> 00:35:56,680
Speaker 1: not going nuts about it. Would you define yourself as

603
00:35:56,680 --> 00:36:06,600
Speaker 1: a hunter? J k um So, I just got back.

604
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:13,360
Speaker 1: I was in Nigeria, I was in Ghana. Fucking great. Really,

605
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:17,000
Speaker 1: how was Ghana? What what went down there? So it's

606
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:23,239
Speaker 1: so first of all, aesthetically speaking, Uh, the filmmaker's eye,

607
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:26,600
Speaker 1: which is what I have, ladies and gentlemen. Uh, It's

608
00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:31,279
Speaker 1: is so fucking good looking because it's just like sort

609
00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:34,960
Speaker 1: of it's very like sixties sort of low buildings. It

610
00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:38,640
Speaker 1: almost has a kind of a Cuba vibe. It's very

611
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:43,680
Speaker 1: very gorgeous. It's like a European city. Uh. And we

612
00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:47,520
Speaker 1: went to the quam A Museum, which is so good looking.

613
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:53,880
Speaker 1: Uh and uh then in across we went to the

614
00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:58,160
Speaker 1: slave castles. And this is a very very heavy journey

615
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:04,800
Speaker 1: to go down. Um and I really understand in ways

616
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:09,400
Speaker 1: you're talking about, you know, the weight of the world

617
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:12,120
Speaker 1: that we're actually living in. You know, they have this

618
00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:16,040
Speaker 1: museum there and you kind of see all these all

619
00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:19,719
Speaker 1: the heavyweights to there. It's Marcus Garvey and uh, you know,

620
00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:23,200
Speaker 1: Malcolm X and Martin Luther King and and you see

621
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:26,879
Speaker 1: the way in which America, the world at large, time

622
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:31,080
Speaker 1: and time again just fucking shut it down and Uh,

623
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:37,200
Speaker 1: it's harrowing. And to understand that, you know, it's almost

624
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:40,400
Speaker 1: uh feels like there's the idea of the ongoing crime

625
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:44,520
Speaker 1: that is our current prison system. UM is is very

626
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:47,400
Speaker 1: tough to take. Who did you take that trip with? Um?

627
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:51,000
Speaker 1: I went with Uzoa Duba from Oranges and New Black

628
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:55,239
Speaker 1: and UM, I know you were with Laura prepon last

629
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:57,440
Speaker 1: night and then you said Taylor last week, I've been

630
00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:01,960
Speaker 1: having a renaissance Oranges the New Yeah, and uh as

631
00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 1: if I constantly. But it's less of renaissance, it's more

632
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:07,120
Speaker 1: of in existence. Let's say, Uh, you're also on the

633
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:12,000
Speaker 1: show and um and so we went and you know,

634
00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:15,120
Speaker 1: and Usos Nigerian, so we went a Legos. So it's great.

635
00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:18,320
Speaker 1: There's so much great art happening. There's a thriving filmmaking

636
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:21,760
Speaker 1: scene out there. And we also did some Global Citizens

637
00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:25,320
Speaker 1: stuff that she's involved in. And um, but yeah, like

638
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:28,720
Speaker 1: but this Ghana and the slave castles and and coming

639
00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:32,480
Speaker 1: back to UH America, landing at JFK and going like,

640
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:36,080
Speaker 1: you know, getting your this sort of Hamilton's bills out

641
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:37,840
Speaker 1: of the fucking a t M machine, You're like, what

642
00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:43,880
Speaker 1: is this fucking scumbag? Um it's very uh, you know,

643
00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:48,719
Speaker 1: crystallizing and also just gorgeous, but then also like, oh,

644
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:50,719
Speaker 1: that's right. That's why they called it the Ivory Coast

645
00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:53,760
Speaker 1: of the Gold Coast. It's it's very it's a heavy,

646
00:38:54,239 --> 00:39:03,080
Speaker 1: it's an important sounds like it. Yeah, yeah, I mean,

647
00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:05,479
Speaker 1: I think when you are open up to all these things,

648
00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:07,759
Speaker 1: you know, and part of like the last couple of years,

649
00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:10,160
Speaker 1: for me, it's like once you're awake to everything that's

650
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:12,280
Speaker 1: going on around you, first of all, it's an opportunity

651
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:14,000
Speaker 1: to be more grounded and to be more still and

652
00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:16,560
Speaker 1: to actually pay attention instead of filling up. For me,

653
00:39:16,719 --> 00:39:18,960
Speaker 1: my issue is filling everything up with noise. You know,

654
00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:21,560
Speaker 1: if anything is too serious, I'll make the joke. If

655
00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:24,879
Speaker 1: somebody stops talking, I'll start, you know. And that kind

656
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:28,480
Speaker 1: of cycle, and that perpetual motion, which is kinetic motion,

657
00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:31,439
Speaker 1: which really never allows you to look around. There's too many,

658
00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:35,080
Speaker 1: you know, there's too many important trips and and moments

659
00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:37,000
Speaker 1: like that that you have to really not only just

660
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:39,000
Speaker 1: be there for and be aware of in the moment,

661
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:41,719
Speaker 1: but after the fact to reflect upon what you've learned

662
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:43,600
Speaker 1: and to see what you can do as a human

663
00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:46,520
Speaker 1: being to make a contribution that's going to be valuable.

664
00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:50,240
Speaker 1: So I am all for taking those trips multiple times,

665
00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:52,320
Speaker 1: you know well. And I love that early in the

666
00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:54,960
Speaker 1: book you reference one of my favorite books of all time,

667
00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:58,000
Speaker 1: the only book I walked into the Russian Dale Writer's

668
00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:02,120
Speaker 1: Room with, which is Victor Frankel A Man's Search for Meaning. Um,

669
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:07,080
Speaker 1: but I mean, what a great what a great book,

670
00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:10,560
Speaker 1: and what a great sice material for writing comedy. There

671
00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:12,839
Speaker 1: was there was There was a line in the book

672
00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:15,600
Speaker 1: that I referenced in my book and in Victor Frankel's

673
00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:17,440
Speaker 1: book called demand Search for Meeting that when I read it,

674
00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:19,919
Speaker 1: it made me like look up at the sky and think,

675
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:22,359
Speaker 1: WHOA what the funk am I doing with my life?

676
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:25,759
Speaker 1: And it was stop asking what you expect out of

677
00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:28,560
Speaker 1: life and start asking what life expects out of you.

678
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:34,160
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, I had to read that

679
00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:36,880
Speaker 1: to think it, you know, I was like, how lost

680
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:39,120
Speaker 1: am I if I've never even thought about what anyone's

681
00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:41,440
Speaker 1: expecting out of me? I was thinking about what I'm

682
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:44,320
Speaker 1: going to get, you know, like take take, which I

683
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:47,800
Speaker 1: think is fair and normal and kind of like happens

684
00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:49,800
Speaker 1: for each of us in its right time, right like

685
00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:52,760
Speaker 1: the truth is is you know, there's even an underlying

686
00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:56,200
Speaker 1: sort of lucky stroke to having the opportunity to kind

687
00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:59,200
Speaker 1: of investigate itself. You know, I think that that's privileged

688
00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:01,840
Speaker 1: a psychio tes for years. But you know, when it

689
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:05,520
Speaker 1: is um a hand to mouth in mouth existence, I

690
00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:07,800
Speaker 1: think it's harder to really take this time. But you know,

691
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:11,399
Speaker 1: but but if for Victor Frankelfort, for context, of course,

692
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:14,799
Speaker 1: he's a I think an Alshwitz survivor to the Holocaust,

693
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:18,879
Speaker 1: and uh, he then sort of got out of there

694
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:22,560
Speaker 1: alive and started had to rethink his life in terms

695
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:26,439
Speaker 1: of what how do I sort of string a life

696
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:30,040
Speaker 1: back together after what I just saw and want human

697
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:31,800
Speaker 1: beings are capable of? And he came up with a

698
00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:35,520
Speaker 1: system called logo therapy that was this idea of trying

699
00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:38,040
Speaker 1: to sort of you know, that man is doomed to

700
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:43,640
Speaker 1: a sort of existential morass of endless horror internally unless

701
00:41:43,719 --> 00:41:47,200
Speaker 1: they can kind of pinpoint this thing, um, which is

702
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:51,120
Speaker 1: great and important. Now you cent your dogs, um Bert

703
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:58,560
Speaker 1: and Bernice, Um oh my two big fat fox. Yeah,

704
00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:00,600
Speaker 1: I have a dog now that it's so fat it's

705
00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:02,600
Speaker 1: like if you could turn him chewy into a dog

706
00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:04,960
Speaker 1: that's what I would have turned him into. They so

707
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:07,960
Speaker 1: his body has all these different pockets of meat, Like

708
00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:10,040
Speaker 1: just when you think there's no more fat left, there's

709
00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:12,600
Speaker 1: something under his thigh, you know. And he's one of

710
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:14,120
Speaker 1: those dogs. I had to shave when I got him

711
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:15,560
Speaker 1: because I had to see what I was dealing with.

712
00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:18,080
Speaker 1: I was like, let's get down to business with this body.

713
00:42:18,239 --> 00:42:21,200
Speaker 1: And I was very excited about what I found. Yeah,

714
00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:24,239
Speaker 1: that's what I felt when I met divine. Um, you

715
00:42:24,360 --> 00:42:26,680
Speaker 1: know what I'm talking about. Yeah, I do. I don't

716
00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:29,320
Speaker 1: have a child, but I imagine that if I didn't,

717
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:32,760
Speaker 1: there was a nanny. Uh, I would I would resent

718
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:36,960
Speaker 1: the nanny and I would say, I'm your mother. I

719
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:41,360
Speaker 1: I want you to because I think it's very important

720
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:44,680
Speaker 1: for women, all women. Now that women are thinking about

721
00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:48,600
Speaker 1: having children instead of just having them, that's good. It's

722
00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:51,680
Speaker 1: good to say to people about why you don't want

723
00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:53,440
Speaker 1: to have because I'll tell you why. I'll tell you.

724
00:42:53,640 --> 00:42:57,920
Speaker 1: I'll give you a whole list. Yeah no, I me.

725
00:42:58,480 --> 00:43:02,400
Speaker 1: I actually think that children should be the great anomaly.

726
00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:05,759
Speaker 1: It should be this kind of like shocking round, like,

727
00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:10,160
Speaker 1: holy fuck, did you hear that Ben had a kid?

728
00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:15,640
Speaker 1: What the fuck this guy. Oh my god, yes, with

729
00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:19,239
Speaker 1: the Ben and Tina they made up good for them.

730
00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:23,000
Speaker 1: What a bunch of freaks like they, I mean, they

731
00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:25,680
Speaker 1: really must want to do this thing instead. I think

732
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:30,480
Speaker 1: we have this bizarre epidemic happening where uh everybody's like

733
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:35,280
Speaker 1: hell bent on Oh congratulations, you know you're over twenty five?

734
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:39,440
Speaker 1: Where's uh so, where's this partner? Oh good, you found

735
00:43:39,520 --> 00:43:42,480
Speaker 1: this partner. Now when's the marriage? Oh good? Now you

736
00:43:42,560 --> 00:43:45,520
Speaker 1: got to where's the baby? It's like what when? And

737
00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:47,920
Speaker 1: then you see the statistics, It's like where's the divorce?

738
00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:50,600
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? And where's the children that

739
00:43:50,719 --> 00:43:54,560
Speaker 1: are like, you know, out there being like can somebody

740
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:58,719
Speaker 1: look out for me? Because I'm a fucking person and

741
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:02,520
Speaker 1: you have all the sort of unqualified I I just

742
00:44:02,719 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 1: think for the sake of the children, and nobody loves

743
00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:08,960
Speaker 1: children more th sake of the children, don't have them,

744
00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:12,480
Speaker 1: is what you're saying. I you know, I think that

745
00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:15,719
Speaker 1: some people should totally Like I have some friends and

746
00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:18,600
Speaker 1: I'm like, holy shit, your fucking destiny was to be

747
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:22,920
Speaker 1: a mother. You should clearly be procreating, do you know

748
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:25,760
Speaker 1: what I mean? Like it was so much a fabric

749
00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:29,600
Speaker 1: of their lifeblood, and then I see, you know, sometimes

750
00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:32,000
Speaker 1: other people who are just sort of like lost or

751
00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:35,080
Speaker 1: more relevant to the moment that we're in, which is

752
00:44:35,640 --> 00:44:39,399
Speaker 1: this nightmare of kind of uh you know, um men

753
00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:43,960
Speaker 1: dictating when or when not women should be allowed to

754
00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:48,000
Speaker 1: have their own sort of personal freedoms and existence in

755
00:44:48,080 --> 00:44:52,960
Speaker 1: this life, so that I find wildly problematic. Of course,

756
00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:57,160
Speaker 1: um you know, I think it should be a very

757
00:44:57,320 --> 00:45:01,080
Speaker 1: a choice with great intent and a series of like

758
00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:04,000
Speaker 1: accidents in an effort to be like maybe we should

759
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:06,560
Speaker 1: break up or have a kid. Like I think that

760
00:45:06,719 --> 00:45:10,480
Speaker 1: that's fucking weird, and I think, uh, people do that

761
00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:13,600
Speaker 1: all the time, or people get pregnant. Like my girlfriend

762
00:45:13,719 --> 00:45:15,800
Speaker 1: was like, oh, she was forty, and she's like, I'm pregnant.

763
00:45:15,800 --> 00:45:17,439
Speaker 1: I guess I have to have it now. And I'm

764
00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:20,080
Speaker 1: like why and she's like, because I'm forty. How can

765
00:45:20,120 --> 00:45:22,279
Speaker 1: I get an abortion at forty? I'm like, it's better

766
00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:24,680
Speaker 1: than being a bad parent, So you forget one. What

767
00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:26,560
Speaker 1: do you mean, like, if you don't want the baby,

768
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:29,400
Speaker 1: don't have a baby. If you don't want desperately to

769
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:31,440
Speaker 1: have a baby. I mean that's a thing. It's like

770
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:34,520
Speaker 1: I want them to have kids when they really fucking

771
00:45:34,600 --> 00:45:36,680
Speaker 1: want it, but like it's a big It's not a

772
00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:38,759
Speaker 1: pair of shoes, you know what I'm saying. It's not

773
00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:41,600
Speaker 1: like change my mind and I can't walk in them.

774
00:45:41,760 --> 00:45:45,120
Speaker 1: It's like, the funk are you doing? And Delia, I

775
00:45:45,160 --> 00:45:46,759
Speaker 1: remember one centime I was like, yeah, you know, I

776
00:45:46,840 --> 00:45:49,480
Speaker 1: got this boyfriend, I'm on the show and no no,

777
00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:51,000
Speaker 1: and I think I want to start a production coming.

778
00:45:51,040 --> 00:45:52,319
Speaker 1: I want to be a director. I think I'm gonna

779
00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:55,000
Speaker 1: like write stuff and and I was like, but fuck, Delia,

780
00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:56,840
Speaker 1: do you think I should like make embryos or what

781
00:45:56,920 --> 00:45:59,279
Speaker 1: should I do? Because like I got to figure that out,

782
00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:01,680
Speaker 1: and she was like whoa, you know, she was like,

783
00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:06,320
Speaker 1: not everybody has to do everything. You know, um that

784
00:46:06,440 --> 00:46:09,680
Speaker 1: there's this kind of hang up around for women that

785
00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:13,359
Speaker 1: there's almost like this additional burden of okay, I've got

786
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:16,759
Speaker 1: x y Z kind of dream and also I'm gonna

787
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:19,759
Speaker 1: take on this other full time job, which is to

788
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:22,279
Speaker 1: do this thing. And just the idea of like I

789
00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:24,840
Speaker 1: don't know, maybe someday I will sort of decide to

790
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:27,480
Speaker 1: have a kid in some variation adoptic. I don't know

791
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:30,239
Speaker 1: what the future holds, but this idea that it was

792
00:46:30,360 --> 00:46:35,080
Speaker 1: this burden on my thirties of decision that had to

793
00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:37,480
Speaker 1: be made. When meantime, you know, I had a boyfriend

794
00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:40,400
Speaker 1: in his forties who was not stressing about it at all.

795
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:44,720
Speaker 1: Felt like a very unfair albatross to be carrying around.

796
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:46,960
Speaker 1: So I think in general, I just sort of let

797
00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:49,160
Speaker 1: go of it and sort of felt like, this is

798
00:46:49,239 --> 00:46:51,080
Speaker 1: something that will sort of be a mora, will be

799
00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:53,759
Speaker 1: revealed and it can kind of you know, let that

800
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:58,520
Speaker 1: child find me, good luck find me. You can adopt

801
00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:01,759
Speaker 1: kids in different countries now saying there's a lot you

802
00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:03,640
Speaker 1: can be involved, like I like to do that. It's

803
00:47:03,640 --> 00:47:05,719
Speaker 1: better that I'm not present with the kid. It's better

804
00:47:05,760 --> 00:47:08,120
Speaker 1: that I'm just paying for things. You know, I know

805
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:11,400
Speaker 1: what my strengths and weaknesses are. But you feel concretely

806
00:47:11,560 --> 00:47:14,759
Speaker 1: like you like, no babies for this baby. No, No,

807
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:17,000
Speaker 1: I don't want I'm not interested in that at all.

808
00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:19,239
Speaker 1: It's never been interest to me. I come from a

809
00:47:19,280 --> 00:47:21,239
Speaker 1: big family, and I thought I was gonna have one kid.

810
00:47:21,239 --> 00:47:23,920
Speaker 1: I'd want six, just like I grew up with. And

811
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:26,759
Speaker 1: um no, I just know it's not a good use

812
00:47:26,800 --> 00:47:30,640
Speaker 1: of my time. I'm better better without that. I have

813
00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:32,400
Speaker 1: come to grips with the fact that it's okay to

814
00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:34,479
Speaker 1: say I want to be in a relationship like that's

815
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:37,600
Speaker 1: my mature, that's my thing. Like, oh, I worked so

816
00:47:37,800 --> 00:47:40,920
Speaker 1: hard for so long trying to be so independent and

817
00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:43,120
Speaker 1: so fierce and so tough. And I didn't know that

818
00:47:43,239 --> 00:47:46,560
Speaker 1: that was a direct had a direct correlation to my childhood,

819
00:47:46,600 --> 00:47:48,040
Speaker 1: to the fact that my brother died when I was

820
00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:49,719
Speaker 1: nine years old and looked me in the eye and said,

821
00:47:49,719 --> 00:47:52,200
Speaker 1: I'll be back, don't worry, I'll never leave you with

822
00:47:52,280 --> 00:47:57,520
Speaker 1: these people, and and died. So my feeling about relying

823
00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:00,640
Speaker 1: on another person from a very young age, I didn't

824
00:48:00,800 --> 00:48:03,279
Speaker 1: give it enough credit because I was nine. I didn't

825
00:48:03,360 --> 00:48:08,160
Speaker 1: know anything. It may seem obvious discussing it or looking

826
00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:10,440
Speaker 1: at someone else's story and going, obviously, that's why she's

827
00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:12,879
Speaker 1: pooked up, But it's when you're in it, you don't

828
00:48:12,960 --> 00:48:15,759
Speaker 1: know it. And I let it rip in a way

829
00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:18,040
Speaker 1: that I had never been able to do in my

830
00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:20,400
Speaker 1: entire life. I was never able to tell somebody that

831
00:48:20,480 --> 00:48:22,560
Speaker 1: I was in pain. I couldn't be in pain because

832
00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:25,360
Speaker 1: I was too strong to be in pain. And for

833
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:27,400
Speaker 1: someone like me, you know, when you get you know,

834
00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:29,880
Speaker 1: you don't think you have a right to complain. You

835
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:33,120
Speaker 1: have access to anything you need. You're successful. I have

836
00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:35,640
Speaker 1: a TV show in my name, I have books in

837
00:48:35,719 --> 00:48:37,440
Speaker 1: my name. I didn't think I had a right to

838
00:48:37,520 --> 00:48:39,560
Speaker 1: be in pain, and I didn't think I had a

839
00:48:39,640 --> 00:48:44,040
Speaker 1: right to complain. And what I learned by going and

840
00:48:44,280 --> 00:48:46,960
Speaker 1: and stopping my work and doing everything I can to

841
00:48:47,040 --> 00:48:49,800
Speaker 1: get myself into a healthy place that you are of

842
00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:53,399
Speaker 1: no use to anyone until you're fucking healthy. And that's

843
00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:56,640
Speaker 1: when you're like, oh, oh, I can be a good

844
00:48:56,880 --> 00:49:00,440
Speaker 1: friend now, I can look out for empathy. Now, I

845
00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:03,240
Speaker 1: can get my ship together now, and all the patterns

846
00:49:03,280 --> 00:49:06,520
Speaker 1: of behavior that are from that period and time period

847
00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:09,680
Speaker 1: of time in your life, you know, the scorching earth.

848
00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:12,200
Speaker 1: If somebody pisces me off, I'm like, they're out, They're out.

849
00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:15,960
Speaker 1: Like I had this pattern of ruining friendships or ending

850
00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:19,320
Speaker 1: friendships on a dime. And when I told Dan about that,

851
00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:22,000
Speaker 1: I said, you know, I don't know why I do this.

852
00:49:22,080 --> 00:49:24,440
Speaker 1: I can't forgive anybody. And he said, because this is

853
00:49:24,480 --> 00:49:26,799
Speaker 1: your blueprint of how a relationship ends. Your brother told

854
00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:29,200
Speaker 1: you he was coming back, and he left, So he

855
00:49:29,360 --> 00:49:31,640
Speaker 1: was alive one day and he was gone tomorrow. That's

856
00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:36,000
Speaker 1: what you think, that's how you think relationships end. And

857
00:49:36,200 --> 00:49:39,239
Speaker 1: I was like, holy sh it, that is what I'm doing.

858
00:49:39,719 --> 00:49:42,280
Speaker 1: That is what I'm doing. I'm just that's my blueprint.

859
00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:44,680
Speaker 1: That's how I think. So Dan was able to show

860
00:49:44,760 --> 00:49:48,279
Speaker 1: me a blueprint, like about patients, about going into an

861
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:52,880
Speaker 1: airport and paying for things in a normal way, not

862
00:49:53,120 --> 00:49:56,240
Speaker 1: shoplifting and giving them the money under the table or whatever,

863
00:49:57,160 --> 00:50:00,200
Speaker 1: about making eye contact with every stranger that talk to

864
00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:02,440
Speaker 1: me or you know that I see, and not rushing

865
00:50:02,520 --> 00:50:05,400
Speaker 1: through life and and not taking a shortcut through your

866
00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:07,920
Speaker 1: grief because the only way through it is sucking through it,

867
00:50:08,520 --> 00:50:11,279
Speaker 1: and there's no hop scotching around it and there's no

868
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:13,680
Speaker 1: way to get around it. So for me, it was

869
00:50:13,800 --> 00:50:17,200
Speaker 1: so so strengthening to have a man sit across from

870
00:50:17,239 --> 00:50:19,800
Speaker 1: me that I could cry in front of a and

871
00:50:20,120 --> 00:50:21,759
Speaker 1: you know, and then I got really good at crying.

872
00:50:21,800 --> 00:50:23,520
Speaker 1: I was like, I was just crying all the time,

873
00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:25,600
Speaker 1: and I was writing this book, and I was in

874
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:29,799
Speaker 1: airports crying just in public, and people would come over

875
00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:31,520
Speaker 1: and be like, are you okay. I'm like my brother

876
00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:36,480
Speaker 1: and I'm writing a book. Fuck, leave me alone. Yes,

877
00:50:36,600 --> 00:50:39,720
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be okay. And because tharcist that came along

878
00:50:39,920 --> 00:50:43,720
Speaker 1: with it was just I had to share it because

879
00:50:43,880 --> 00:50:46,239
Speaker 1: I'm a different person and I feel and I was

880
00:50:46,440 --> 00:50:49,320
Speaker 1: my friends like, this is like an apology tour. I'm like, no, no,

881
00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:52,960
Speaker 1: but I feel like, you know, so vibrant in a

882
00:50:53,040 --> 00:50:55,360
Speaker 1: way that I had it for so long and taking

883
00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:58,520
Speaker 1: that a talk about an albatross around your neck, taking

884
00:50:58,680 --> 00:51:01,799
Speaker 1: something that you've had, didn't injury for that they've had

885
00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:05,000
Speaker 1: for so long, and being able to release it and

886
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:07,520
Speaker 1: not be mad at my brother for dying. He goes,

887
00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:10,840
Speaker 1: You're mad. You're you were rejected because you felt rejected,

888
00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:13,320
Speaker 1: And I said, yeah, but he died. It wasn't an accident,

889
00:51:13,400 --> 00:51:14,839
Speaker 1: he goes, But not to your nine year old brain.

890
00:51:14,880 --> 00:51:18,399
Speaker 1: You're nine year old brain interprets that as somebody being

891
00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:21,240
Speaker 1: bored with you, or leaving you, or choosing another family

892
00:51:21,280 --> 00:51:23,799
Speaker 1: because they have a sister, a little sister that's cuter

893
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:26,000
Speaker 1: or more fun to be around. So it was a

894
00:51:26,080 --> 00:51:29,480
Speaker 1: big lesson and it was a big um. You know.

895
00:51:29,680 --> 00:51:31,560
Speaker 1: It was a big moment for me to write. Since

896
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:35,480
Speaker 1: I've made a career of oversharing so many things, I thought,

897
00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:39,880
Speaker 1: why not over share something positive and good? So uh

898
00:51:41,560 --> 00:51:45,600
Speaker 1: to circle back, so the baby component of it. At

899
00:51:45,640 --> 00:51:47,279
Speaker 1: the end of it, I was like, because everything comes

900
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:49,440
Speaker 1: back to my brother Chet, you know, in therapy, whenever

901
00:51:49,520 --> 00:51:51,880
Speaker 1: we talk, I'd be like, like, this guy's shoes, I

902
00:51:51,920 --> 00:51:54,799
Speaker 1: can't date him the fucking shoes to And I said

903
00:51:54,840 --> 00:51:56,880
Speaker 1: about the baby. I go, am, I is this all?

904
00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:58,560
Speaker 1: What about the baby thing? And he's like, no, I

905
00:51:58,719 --> 00:52:03,560
Speaker 1: genuinely think you don't like children. So so once I

906
00:52:03,640 --> 00:52:05,560
Speaker 1: got his step of approval, I was like, all right,

907
00:52:05,560 --> 00:52:07,920
Speaker 1: I'm on my way out. That seemed like such a

908
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:11,120
Speaker 1: relief to get. Like if I have to get pregnant

909
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:15,320
Speaker 1: now too, I'm gonna be so bummed and pregnant. We

910
00:52:15,440 --> 00:52:17,160
Speaker 1: have to wrap up, but I'm gonna read a little thing.

911
00:52:17,600 --> 00:52:20,520
Speaker 1: These bracelets they're selling out front or I decide bracelets

912
00:52:20,560 --> 00:52:22,880
Speaker 1: and they sell T shirts too, because there's something I

913
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:27,000
Speaker 1: want to read from the book, uh that this organization

914
00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:30,960
Speaker 1: one of these. A guy that read this book wrote

915
00:52:31,000 --> 00:52:33,920
Speaker 1: me and and said that this meant a lot to

916
00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:36,160
Speaker 1: him because he had somebody in his family that died,

917
00:52:36,680 --> 00:52:39,560
Speaker 1: And so we made these T shirts and his honor

918
00:52:40,640 --> 00:52:42,759
Speaker 1: and and all the proceeds go to l g B

919
00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:45,120
Speaker 1: t q I A and all the proceeds from the bracelets.

920
00:52:45,800 --> 00:52:48,520
Speaker 1: But I'm gonna get up to read this. Sorry if

921
00:52:48,520 --> 00:52:58,400
Speaker 1: I have camel toe. I didn't know then that my

922
00:52:58,480 --> 00:53:01,239
Speaker 1: brother's death was defining me. I didn't know that I

923
00:53:01,320 --> 00:53:04,040
Speaker 1: had the ability to say no to being defined by death.

924
00:53:04,719 --> 00:53:06,640
Speaker 1: Now I was with a person Dan, who could help

925
00:53:06,680 --> 00:53:09,560
Speaker 1: me process what happened and turn the parts of me

926
00:53:09,640 --> 00:53:11,759
Speaker 1: that acted like a nine year old into a self

927
00:53:11,840 --> 00:53:15,440
Speaker 1: actualized adult who had come to a better understanding of

928
00:53:15,520 --> 00:53:17,520
Speaker 1: what it means to dig deep and admit that you

929
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:21,160
Speaker 1: are in pain, thereby beginning the process of relinquishing that pain.

930
00:53:21,920 --> 00:53:24,080
Speaker 1: I was in a place where my brother dying no

931
00:53:24,239 --> 00:53:27,200
Speaker 1: longer had to define my existence. It is part of

932
00:53:27,239 --> 00:53:30,160
Speaker 1: who I am, perhaps the biggest part, and it may

933
00:53:30,239 --> 00:53:32,520
Speaker 1: have helped steer me in a certain direction, but it

934
00:53:32,719 --> 00:53:36,720
Speaker 1: is not all of me. I defined me. No event

935
00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:40,600
Speaker 1: or person does this. I define me. I decide who

936
00:53:40,680 --> 00:53:43,440
Speaker 1: I am, and I decide how I'm going to behave,

937
00:53:43,760 --> 00:53:46,920
Speaker 1: and I choose to do better, to look more carefully,

938
00:53:47,320 --> 00:53:50,920
Speaker 1: to trudge deeper, to think about other people's pasts, and

939
00:53:51,080 --> 00:53:54,480
Speaker 1: not judge someone for doing or handling something differently than

940
00:53:54,560 --> 00:53:58,880
Speaker 1: I would. To understand my limitations and my shortcomings. That

941
00:53:59,120 --> 00:54:02,120
Speaker 1: is my growth. I decide to be better. We all

942
00:54:02,200 --> 00:54:05,160
Speaker 1: can be better. Thank you guys, Thank you New York

943
00:54:05,200 --> 00:54:07,760
Speaker 1: City for coming out, and thank you to Natasha Leon

944
00:54:09,120 --> 00:54:16,000
Speaker 1: for your very professional Did you enjoy that episode, Brandon,

945
00:54:16,600 --> 00:54:18,320
Speaker 1: You're not gonna like all the complience, but I like that.

946
00:54:18,400 --> 00:54:21,680
Speaker 1: The tour has been a mix of like social issues

947
00:54:21,800 --> 00:54:25,480
Speaker 1: and comedy. Yeah, and while listeners are listening, I mean,

948
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:28,440
Speaker 1: you know, we're trying to have as little repetition as possible,

949
00:54:28,520 --> 00:54:30,640
Speaker 1: which is hard because we're covering the same topics, but

950
00:54:30,760 --> 00:54:32,959
Speaker 1: we're managing to do it. So thank you for bearing

951
00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:34,680
Speaker 1: with us on that front. If you hear like a

952
00:54:34,760 --> 00:54:38,200
Speaker 1: theme or topic more than once, you know, stuck on it.

953
00:54:39,040 --> 00:54:41,399
Speaker 1: Speaking of social issues, there are a couple of things

954
00:54:41,480 --> 00:54:42,840
Speaker 1: that you might want people to check in on, like

955
00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:45,160
Speaker 1: you're countable. Yeah. Oh, by the way, I have Accountable page,

956
00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:47,680
Speaker 1: which kind of puts up articles of things that are

957
00:54:47,719 --> 00:54:51,400
Speaker 1: happening and ways to kind of help or get involved

958
00:54:51,520 --> 00:54:55,240
Speaker 1: with causes that you care about. Um, and I've joined

959
00:54:55,360 --> 00:54:58,160
Speaker 1: I'm still partners with Emily's List, so I if you

960
00:54:58,200 --> 00:55:00,239
Speaker 1: follow me on Twitter, if you're looking for candid, it's

961
00:55:00,640 --> 00:55:03,480
Speaker 1: always promoting Emily's list. You should follow Emily's list too,

962
00:55:03,520 --> 00:55:07,719
Speaker 1: because they always are looking for progressive women to run

963
00:55:08,040 --> 00:55:11,560
Speaker 1: all across the country and they keep you a prize

964
00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:13,720
Speaker 1: of all the exciting women that come into the field

965
00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:16,120
Speaker 1: and people who run for the very first time. You

966
00:55:16,200 --> 00:55:19,040
Speaker 1: know to two people have rand before anyway, So Emily's

967
00:55:19,040 --> 00:55:21,719
Speaker 1: list is good. I have accountable page and and I'm

968
00:55:21,760 --> 00:55:24,800
Speaker 1: coming to Nashville, New Orleans, New Nashville Friday night and

969
00:55:24,880 --> 00:55:28,280
Speaker 1: New Orleans Saturday night and you can get your tickets

970
00:55:28,320 --> 00:55:29,920
Speaker 1: at live nation dot com. And then I'm coming to

971
00:55:29,960 --> 00:55:33,240
Speaker 1: Australian in October and New Zealand. I'm coming to Auckland,

972
00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:37,520
Speaker 1: New Zealand October nine, and I will be adding more dates.

973
00:55:37,640 --> 00:55:39,920
Speaker 1: Canadian dates are coming. I just I'm trying to get

974
00:55:39,920 --> 00:55:43,680
Speaker 1: my schedule. And uh yeah, thank you guys for listening.

975
00:55:44,120 --> 00:55:48,759
Speaker 1: And Brandon, thank you for being so um o god.

976
00:55:48,840 --> 00:55:52,719
Speaker 1: What is the word? Okay? Thank you. Tune in next

977
00:55:52,760 --> 00:55:54,640
Speaker 1: week when we find out the word to describe Brandon

978
00:55:55,520 --> 00:55:57,000
Speaker 1: life will be the Death of Me. As a production

979
00:55:57,040 --> 00:55:59,600
Speaker 1: of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from I heart Radio,

980
00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:02,800
Speaker 1: visit the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you

981
00:56:02,880 --> 00:56:04,080
Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows.