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Speaker 1: Boundaries are not about what other people do. They are

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Speaker 1: about the actions that you are willing and capable of

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Speaker 1: taking to keep yourself safe and healthy.

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Speaker 2: Hey, Hurdlers, Emily Abodi.

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Speaker 3: Here, you are listening to episode two hundred and forty

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Speaker 3: nine of Hurdle, a wellness focused podcast. Reconnect with everyone

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Speaker 3: from your favorite athletes to top experts and industry CEOs

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Speaker 3: about their highest highs, toughest moments, and everything in between.

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Speaker 3: We all go through hurdles in life, and my goal

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Speaker 3: through these discussions is to empower you to better navigate

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Speaker 3: yours and move with intention so that you can stride

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Speaker 3: towards your own big potential and of course, have some

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Speaker 3: fun along the way. For today's episode, I am excited

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Speaker 3: to bring you my conversation with Melissa Urban.

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Speaker 2: She's the CEO of Whole thirty as well.

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Speaker 3: As a New York Times best selling author, and as

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Speaker 3: we kick things off today chatting about the quote unquote

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Speaker 3: boundary lady these days. That's because her most recent book

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Speaker 3: is called The Book of Boundaries, Set the Limits that

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Speaker 3: Will Set You Free, and in today's episode, we chat

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Speaker 3: all about how she became the official authority on boundaries

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Speaker 3: she has at this point taught millions of people how

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Speaker 3: to establish healthy habits and successfully navigate pushback and peer pressure,

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Speaker 3: something that she really knows firsthand about. After spending most

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Speaker 3: of her twenties as an addict and turning her life.

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Speaker 2: Around at twenty six.

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Speaker 3: It was then that, with the help of her personal

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Speaker 3: trainer at the time, she went on a thirty day diet,

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Speaker 3: which later inspired the start of Whole thirty. In today's episode,

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Speaker 3: me Lissa talks to us all about what the Whole

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Speaker 3: thirty is and what Whole thirty isn't, who the program

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Speaker 3: may serve best, plus how the trauma she experienced growing

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Speaker 3: up has informed the way that she navigates her day

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Speaker 3: to day, fueling her desire to show up for her

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Speaker 3: community and focus on helping others sustain their health in

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Speaker 3: the long term. I do want to make sure that

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Speaker 3: I point out that in this conversation we do talk

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Speaker 3: about some sensitive topics, including sexual assault and drug addictions.

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Speaker 3: So if you or someone you know are struggling, know

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Speaker 3: that you're not alone. I'm going to put some helpful

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Speaker 3: resources in the show notes. Make sure you are following

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Speaker 3: along with Hurdle over on Socialists at Hurdle Podcast. I

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Speaker 3: am over at Emily a body and a little bit

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Speaker 3: of housekeeping here. I would absolutely love it. I say

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Speaker 3: this all the time, but now this is your golden

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Speaker 3: opportunity because I'm prepping a specific listener questions episode.

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Speaker 2: Please ask me a question. Let me help you.

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Speaker 3: No topic is off limits, and asking it is super simple.

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Speaker 2: Just click on over to the show notes.

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Speaker 3: There there is a link that says leave me a

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Speaker 3: voice message. If for some reason you have problems with it,

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Speaker 3: don't worry, just record a voice note and email it

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Speaker 3: to us over at Hello at hurdle dot us to

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Speaker 3: be featured in the upcoming episode. And with that, let's

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Speaker 3: get to it. Let's get to hurdling.

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Speaker 2: Today.

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Speaker 3: I am amped to be sitting down with Melissa Urban.

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Speaker 3: She is the co founder and CEO of Whole thirty.

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Speaker 3: She's also a New York Times bestselling author, podcast host.

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Speaker 1: How you doing, Melissa, Hi, I'm really good. It's so

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Speaker 1: good to be here with you. Thanks for having me.

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Speaker 2: Thank you for making this time.

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Speaker 3: You are a busy woman, and a busy woman that

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Speaker 3: also knows a thing or two about boundaries, which is

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Speaker 3: where I want to start us off, because I remember

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Speaker 3: when I saw that you were releasing a book you

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Speaker 3: did the end of last year October twenty twenty two,

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Speaker 3: The Book of Boundaries, Set the Limits that will set

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Speaker 3: you Free. How did you, Melissa Urban, become the authority

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Speaker 3: on boundaries?

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Speaker 1: Well, I won't say the authority, but I am known

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Speaker 1: to many spouses on Instagram as that boundary lady, right,

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Speaker 1: So people would you know, be talking about their boundaries

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Speaker 1: with the Whole thirty program. That was really where I

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Speaker 1: got started. I co founded the Whole thirty in two

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Speaker 1: thousand and nine, so I've been helping people change their health,

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Speaker 1: habits and relationship with food through the program for fourteen

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Speaker 1: years now. And you know, Whole thirty is an elimination program,

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Speaker 1: so for thirty days, you say no to a lot

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Speaker 1: of foods in the name of this self experiment. And

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Speaker 1: I quickly figured out that people struggled to say no,

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Speaker 1: especially in the face of peer pressure and especially in

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Speaker 1: social situations. So they started asking me how do I

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Speaker 1: say no to the breakroom donuts and moms lasagna and

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Speaker 1: the pizza at the birthday party? And once they figured

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Speaker 1: out I was really good at helping them say no

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Speaker 1: to that, they started asking me about their pushy mother

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Speaker 1: in law and their gossiping coworker and the nosy neighbor.

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Speaker 1: So very it, very organically kind of morphed into other

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Speaker 1: boundary conversations, and all of it really came to a

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Speaker 1: head in twenty twenty in the middle of the pandemic,

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Speaker 1: when work and home and school and kids in housework

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Speaker 1: and relationships all blended together and we realized that we

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Speaker 1: had no boundaries, and especially women, especially moms, were just drowning.

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Speaker 1: And that was really where the inspiration for the book

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Speaker 1: kind of hit me was October twenty twenty.

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Speaker 3: October twenty twenty, but not your first book, actually nowhere

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Speaker 3: near it. When you got into writing along with co

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Speaker 3: founding Whole thirty, was this something that you saw as

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Speaker 3: a part of your path moving forward.

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Speaker 1: I never wanted to own my own business. I never

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Speaker 1: set out with the intention of like running my own business.

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Speaker 1: I began blogging in the early two thousands when I

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Speaker 1: found CrossFit, and you know, was on the message boards

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Speaker 1: and I had a little blog spot, and I had

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Speaker 1: some good followers. And I always liked writing, and I

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Speaker 1: always was good at writing. That was kind of my

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Speaker 1: creative outlet and my mental health outlet, and so writing

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Speaker 1: and then discovering kind of the Whole thirty as a

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Speaker 1: you know, little self experiment in two thousand and nine,

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Speaker 1: morphed into writing more blog posts, creating more resources for

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Speaker 1: the program, establishing the framework for the program and the

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Speaker 1: philosophy and researching, and you know, then kind of the

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Speaker 1: first book came in twenty twelve, and I think this.

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Speaker 1: I think I've written seven whole thirty books now, and

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Speaker 1: the Boundaries was my first not whole thirty book.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, so definitely a different adventure there, it was.

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Speaker 1: It's interesting writing the Book of Boundaries was very similar

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Speaker 1: to writing the book Food Freedom Forever, which is kind

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Speaker 1: of the what comes after the Whole thirty, in that

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Speaker 1: as I was writing, I was really forced to examine

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Speaker 1: my own philosophy on this concept. You know, Food Freedom

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Speaker 1: Forever I created. Boundaries was certainly not a new concept,

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Speaker 1: but I was thinking about it in a way that

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Speaker 1: had been different from any other book or you know,

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Speaker 1: article I had read in the past. And so as

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Speaker 1: I'm writing, I'm almost stressed testing my own ideas around it.

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Speaker 1: You know, does this work? What are people going to

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Speaker 1: be confused about? What's the pushback I'm going to get?

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Speaker 1: How would I address it. So they were similar in

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Speaker 1: a way, but it was a little scary to step

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Speaker 1: out of Whole thirty comfort zone into a brand new area.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: And when you work on Whole thirty related books, who

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Speaker 3: are you working with on these like nutritionists? What other

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Speaker 3: experts are you collaborating with to make sure that you're

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Speaker 3: servicing your clientele in the safest way possible.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So I do all the writing for the books, but

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Speaker 1: we have a huge team of registered dietitians, medical doctors,

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Speaker 1: mental health care practitioners, psychiatrists, psychologists, naturopaths, functional medicine practitioners,

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Speaker 1: researchers that I've been tapping into since the very first

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Speaker 1: book to advise and guide and you know, create a

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Speaker 1: new body of research according to the latest scientific evidence,

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Speaker 1: and help us distill it in the framework of Whole thirty.

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Speaker 1: So I have a lot of people who are actually

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Speaker 1: experts in their field that I rely on, and then

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Speaker 1: I take that and translate it into the book that

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Speaker 1: is accessible and easy to read for most people, and

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Speaker 1: kind of translate it into the framework of the program. So, yes,

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Speaker 1: we do have, you know, a large body of folks

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Speaker 1: that we work with. But I've always done all the writing.

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Speaker 2: All the writing. That's so great.

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Speaker 3: We have so many awesome experts installar people in your corner.

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Speaker 3: I know that, if we're going to wind it back

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Speaker 3: a little bit, you didn't always feel like you had

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Speaker 3: a wide net of people to rely on. So talk

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Speaker 3: to me a little bit about your upbringing and what

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Speaker 3: your support network looked like or didn't look like from

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Speaker 3: an early age.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it really it kind of varied. I

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Speaker 1: feel like I went through this like really sharp kind

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Speaker 1: of record scratch, you know, right turn when I was

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Speaker 1: about sixteen. But I grew up as part of a

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Speaker 1: large Catholic Portuguese family. We always had aunts or uncles

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Speaker 1: and cousins hanging around. There were thirty people, you know,

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Speaker 1: for every holiday. I always had aunts or older cousins

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Speaker 1: picking me up and taking me to McDonald's, are taking

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Speaker 1: me to a movie. It really was sort of a

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Speaker 1: I was raised by the village of my family, and

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Speaker 1: I felt like I had a lot of support and

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Speaker 1: you know, from my parents. My mom stayed home with

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Speaker 1: us while my dad worked, and my younger sister. But

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Speaker 1: then at sixteen, I had an incident of sexual abuse

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Speaker 1: by someone who was in my family, someone I was

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Speaker 1: really close to, and I didn't know how to handle it.

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Speaker 1: When I finally told my family a year later, they

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Speaker 1: didn't know how to handle it. And that was the

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Speaker 1: point where I felt like I lost all of my

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Speaker 1: support system. I felt really abandoned. I was really confused.

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Speaker 1: I was so young, and that led me, you know,

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Speaker 1: to this journey of trying to escape from that trauma

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Speaker 1: and the uncomfortable feelings and the you know everything I

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Speaker 1: didn't know how to process, and that led me to drugs,

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Speaker 1: and I spent the next five years addicted to drugs,

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Speaker 1: also with you know, no support system, really hiding my

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Speaker 1: behavior and existing in isolation for as long as I could.

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Speaker 1: So I've had a kind of a ABC after school

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Speaker 1: special I think story when it comes to my life.

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Speaker 1: But you know, I entered into recovery. It was twenty

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Speaker 1: three years ago now, and you know, from there I

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Speaker 1: found health and fitness and wellness, and that really led

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Speaker 1: me to sort of the second half of my life.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, it's been rocky.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you for sharing that.

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Speaker 3: I can't even imagine what that roller coaster must have

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Speaker 3: felt like for you. You mentioned finding ultimately health and wellness

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Speaker 3: and fitness and so many good for you habits, But

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Speaker 3: in terms of the trauma that you would experience, what

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Speaker 3: would you say really helped you navigate that when you

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Speaker 3: finally got to a place where you knew what you

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Speaker 3: needed to deal with it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean therapy. I happened to be matched with

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Speaker 1: a therapist in rehab. He was just the one randomly

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Speaker 1: assigned to me, and I could not have found a

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Speaker 1: better therapist for what I needed. He was so direct,

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Speaker 1: he had so many really unique perspectives, and he was

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Speaker 1: not afraid to call me on my bullshit. Can we

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Speaker 1: say bullshit? I assume that we can. And so all

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Speaker 1: of the tactics that I had used in the past

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Speaker 1: to sort of manipulate and keep people at a distance

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Speaker 1: and try to get them to like not look at

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Speaker 1: me and you know, not pay attention, none of that

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Speaker 1: worked with him. So really, spending time in therapy unpacking

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Speaker 1: my trauma, kind of learning to maybe forgive myself and

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Speaker 1: view the situation from adult Melissa perspective rather than the

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Speaker 1: sixteen year old perspective I had been stuck in for

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Speaker 1: so long was super helpful. But then I combined that

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Speaker 1: with I started going to the gym, I made a

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Speaker 1: group of like minded friends. I started setting boundaries around

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Speaker 1: my recovery, which was brand new. You know, all of

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Speaker 1: these things kind of worked synergistically to help me feel

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Speaker 1: like I was a healthy person with healthy happy instead

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Speaker 1: of someone who, like four weeks ago, was snorting heroin.

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Speaker 3: You know, yeah, yeah, and I'd love to talk about

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Speaker 3: I started setting boundaries around my recovery because whether it

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Speaker 3: is overcoming this situation when it comes to substance abuse

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Speaker 3: or so many other areas. Of course, your expertise here

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Speaker 3: lends to the importance of setting boundaries so that you

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Speaker 3: can get to where you want to be, which can

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Speaker 3: be very challenging.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I consider boundaries like the supportive hammock for all

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Speaker 1: of your health and wellness habits. I won't say foundation

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Speaker 1: because the best boundaries are flexible, but if you want

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Speaker 1: to start a new habit, or maintain a habit, or

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Speaker 1: start practicing self care, all of those require that you

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Speaker 1: have a solid set of boundaries to protect your time,

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Speaker 1: your energy, your space. When I went into rehab the

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Speaker 1: first time, I had a year in recovery and then

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Speaker 1: I relapsed, and it felt like it came out of

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Speaker 1: nowhere and in looking back. Of course, it did not

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Speaker 1: come out of nowhere. I had not changed anything about

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Speaker 1: my life except to say I'm going to try not

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Speaker 1: to use. And the second time I entered into rehab,

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Speaker 1: I realized that I had to change a lot about

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Speaker 1: my life if I was going to actually maintain my recovery.

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Speaker 1: And one of the things that happened in a complete

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Speaker 1: kind of random situation, as I found myself at a

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Speaker 1: party I didn't belong at, with people I didn't know,

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Speaker 1: with a friend who didn't know I had relapsed, and

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Speaker 1: I felt so unsafe and so afraid for my recovery

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Speaker 1: and my life that an honest to God boundary tumbled

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Speaker 1: out of my mouth. I said to him, this is

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Speaker 1: not good for me. I can't be here. I need

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Speaker 1: to leave. And I thought that he was going to

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Speaker 1: make fun of me. I thought that he would like

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Speaker 1: abandon me. And he was a really good friend, and

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Speaker 1: he was like okay, asked me a couple questions, and

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Speaker 1: we left. And that was the moment where I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I need to start telling people how I feel and

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Speaker 1: what I need, and I need to start advocating for

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Speaker 1: myself and if they can't keep me safe, I need

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Speaker 1: to figure out what I can do to keep myself safe.

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Speaker 1: That changed everything for me.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and that level of personal accountability right, because I

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Speaker 3: think a lot of people may get to a place

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Speaker 3: where they're ready to do what you did. They're ready

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Speaker 3: to say, hey, I don't think that this is serving me.

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Speaker 3: I need to leave X situation. But then what you said,

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Speaker 3: I thought that he was going to make fun of me.

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Speaker 3: What do you say to the person that's navigating that

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Speaker 3: kind of dichotomy on their journey to trying to emphasize

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Speaker 3: their boundaries.

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Speaker 1: I think in that moment, if he had pushed back

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Speaker 1: or made fun of me or minimized, I don't know

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Speaker 1: if I would have had the strength or the tenacity

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Speaker 1: to say, Okay, then I'm going to get myself home.

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Speaker 1: I'd like to think I would now that I have

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Speaker 1: more experience, and now that I'm helping people set and

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Speaker 1: hold boundaries, I want them to be prepared that that

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Speaker 1: kind of pushback or response is a possibility. Most of

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Speaker 1: the time, when we try to set a boundary, we

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Speaker 1: do so out of a desire to improve the relationship.

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Speaker 1: And the other person loves us and they want us

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Speaker 1: to be healthy, and they probably just didn't know that

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Speaker 1: we had a need, and once we express it clearly,

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Speaker 1: they're happy to meet us in it. My friend was

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Speaker 1: more than happy to go Oh my god, I had

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Speaker 1: no idea. You didn't feel good, Let's go home. But

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Speaker 1: there is always the possibility for pushback. And what I

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Speaker 1: want people to remember is that your boundary does not

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Speaker 1: depend on anybody else's reaction or response. You do not

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Speaker 1: need to have anyone agree with or understand your boundary

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Speaker 1: in order to enact it, because boundaries are not about

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Speaker 1: what other people do. They are about the actions that

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Speaker 1: you are willing and capable of taking to keep yourself

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Speaker 1: safe and healthy. And I think once people make that

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Speaker 1: shift in their head, oh I don't need them to

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Speaker 1: hold my boundary, I can hold it myself. That brings

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Speaker 1: a real sense of empowerment and a sense of comfort

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Speaker 1: such that if they do push back, I still know

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Speaker 1: what my backup plan is to get myself out of

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Speaker 1: this dangerous situation.

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Speaker 2: Definite la.

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Speaker 3: And if you don't mind sharing, what other boundaries did

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Speaker 3: you enact after your second trip to rehab that really

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Speaker 3: helped you move forward into this new chapter of your life?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 1: I start it was like a boundary room spring, you know,

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Speaker 1: where like the Amish kids go off and kind of

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Speaker 1: like live their life for a year before they finally commit.

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Speaker 1: I started setting boundaries anywhere and everywhere. I told all

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Speaker 1: of my friends, you cannot use in front of me,

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Speaker 1: you can't ever offer me anything, you can't bring drugs

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Speaker 1: into my house. If you do, we can't be friends.

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Speaker 1: And there were some people who were not able to

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Speaker 1: respect that, and I literally cut the relationship off. People

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Speaker 1: at work would say, you know, oh, do you want

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Speaker 1: to go out. We're you know, celebrating the big win

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Speaker 1: after work, and I'd say, yes, I don't drink, but

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Speaker 1: I'm happy to come out with you, and like, I

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Speaker 1: definitely want to celebrate. I'll have glass of water. It'll

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Speaker 1: be really fun. So I was super clear upfront that

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Speaker 1: I was not open to invitations to alcohol, but I

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Speaker 1: still went and had a really good time. I set

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Speaker 1: boundaries with myself, like if I had an early gym

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Speaker 1: session scheduled for the next day, I would make sure

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Speaker 1: that I was home and in bed by nine pm.

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Speaker 1: I got rid of clothes that reminded me of using.

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Speaker 1: I got rid of music that reminded me of using.

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Speaker 1: So I set boundaries anywhere and everywhere I could to

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Speaker 1: create as much of a buffer as I could between

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Speaker 1: my temptation to use, which was still there and the

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Speaker 1: actual action that I know was going to set me

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Speaker 1: back and cost me my recovery. And all of those

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Speaker 1: boundaries were incredibly protective and they felt so damn.

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Speaker 2: Good that sentiment.

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Speaker 3: I got rid of clothes that made me think of using,

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Speaker 3: and other you know things within the home that reminded

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Speaker 3: you of that time.

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Speaker 2: That's really powerful.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yes, my Cypress Hill T shirt gone, my red

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Speaker 1: baseball hat with the pot leaf gone. I was like,

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Speaker 1: why am I still Why do I still have this around?

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Speaker 1: This is not who I am anymore. I had this

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Speaker 1: mantra that I was a healthy person with healthy habits,

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Speaker 1: and I was looking for evidence every single moment of

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Speaker 1: the day to prove that I was a healthy person

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Speaker 1: with healthy habits. So I would see this hat with

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Speaker 1: the pot leaf and I'd be like, that's not I'm

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Speaker 1: not going to wear that. That does not vibe with

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Speaker 1: like my current energy. The playlists, you know, I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: suffer through a Portois Head song if it made me

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Speaker 1: feel icky in my stomach. I just stopped listening.

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Speaker 2: To it.

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Speaker 1: I changed my friends, I moved apartments, I got a

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Speaker 1: new job. Like I really did not only add things

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Speaker 1: to my life, but subtracted things, using boundaries as a

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Speaker 1: way to just carve out this new space for myself.

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Speaker 3: Aside from that therapist, who else was helping you on

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Speaker 3: your journey to implementing this more boundary filled positive life.

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Speaker 2: You know?

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Speaker 1: I made a group of girlfriends at the gym. I

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Speaker 1: started going to the gym every morning at five am.

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Speaker 1: I had never gone to the gym before in my life,

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Speaker 1: but that's what a healthy person would do. And I

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Speaker 1: met a group of girls there who ran, and I'd

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Speaker 1: never run in my life, but I started running with them.

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Speaker 1: And they didn't know drug addict Melissa. This was a

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Speaker 1: new city, a new gym, a new group of friends.

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Speaker 1: They only knew I was like Melissa who showed up

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Speaker 1: at the gym five mornings a week and wanted to

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Speaker 1: start running. And they helped me to see myself through

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Speaker 1: their eyes, which was so incredibly important. And eventually I

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Speaker 1: did tell them that I was in recovery and not

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Speaker 1: that long out, and of course they were incredibly supportive.

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Speaker 1: But that group of girlfriends were really, really helpful for me.

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Speaker 1: My writing was also really helpful. This was around the

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Speaker 1: time that I started writing my blog, and you know,

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Speaker 1: while I wasn't talking about my recovery yet, I had

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Speaker 1: not ever talked about it publicly. Just sharing some of

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Speaker 1: my feelings and some of my workout challenges and how

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00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:23,399
Speaker 1: I was feeling about running, and some of my adventures

384
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Speaker 1: I found really cathartic as well. So those were two,

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Speaker 1: I think kind of groups of things that were helpful.

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Speaker 2: We are the people that we surround ourselves with.

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Speaker 3: It's interesting to me that line that you said, that's

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Speaker 3: what a healthy person would do.

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Speaker 2: How often are we inundated with that? Right?

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Speaker 3: This concept of well, that person is living a life

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Speaker 3: that looks great, so that's what I should be doing.

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Speaker 3: Or this person looks like they really have it all together,

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Speaker 3: and I see that they do hit classes twice a week,

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Speaker 3: so I should start doing hit classes twice a week.

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Speaker 3: When you started running regularly with this group of women,

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Speaker 3: I'm curious, did you like it?

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Speaker 2: I I did?

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Speaker 1: I did. You can't pay me to run by the

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Speaker 1: way right now, Like I would not run to the

400
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Speaker 1: end of the block unless like someone was chasing me.

401
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Speaker 1: But at the time I did, and it was because

402
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:12,240
Speaker 1: I didn't know anything else. I had never weightlifted, I

403
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:15,639
Speaker 1: never played sports, and our runs, you know, I was

404
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,840
Speaker 1: running a ten minute my old talk in the whole

405
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Speaker 1: time with this group of women, So it was really

406
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Speaker 1: really fun. Eventually, within just a matter of two years,

407
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:26,240
Speaker 1: my body told me it did not like running, and

408
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Speaker 1: so I found something else to do and still stayed

409
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Speaker 1: in touch with these women. But you know what I

410
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:34,439
Speaker 1: chose to do at the time was really it served me,

411
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:36,919
Speaker 1: and I think it was less about the activity and

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Speaker 1: more about that I was committing to doing something on

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Speaker 1: a regular basis with a group of people that made

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Speaker 1: me feel really good about myself, and I kept showing

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Speaker 1: up for myself.

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Speaker 3: When did you first publicly acknowledge your recovery journey.

417
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Speaker 1: I had been doing Whole thirty workshops for about a

418
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Speaker 1: year and a half. It was like twenty ten, and

419
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,720
Speaker 1: we had been traveling from CrossFit gym to CrossFit gym

420
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Speaker 1: talking about the Whole Thirty's. It's kind of where the

421
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:02,879
Speaker 1: Whole thirty grew and started to take off and spread.

422
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:05,919
Speaker 1: I was very involved with CrossFit, and after the end

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Speaker 1: of one of my workshops, someone came up to me,

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Speaker 1: and they said, I'm going to ask you a question

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Speaker 1: you don't have to answer, are you an AA?

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Speaker 2: And I was like what?

427
00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:18,160
Speaker 1: And she said, there's language that you use when you

428
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Speaker 1: talk about the Whole thirty, when you talk about your

429
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:24,800
Speaker 1: own experience, That is recovery language. And I was like,

430
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Speaker 1: oh shit. I didn't even realize it. And AA and

431
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,320
Speaker 1: NA were not a big part of my recovery, but

432
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Speaker 1: I had been to plenty of meetings and of course

433
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:34,480
Speaker 1: had absorbed the things that worked really well for me.

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Speaker 1: That was the point where I decided I probably wanted

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00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:42,040
Speaker 1: to start talking about my recovery publicly. That and the

436
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:43,800
Speaker 1: fact that I was talking about the Whole thirty with

437
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:47,280
Speaker 1: people talking about the idea that food is so deeply

438
00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:50,040
Speaker 1: emotional and we can get stuck in this spiral of

439
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:52,840
Speaker 1: craving and over consumption and the guilt and the shame

440
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:56,119
Speaker 1: and the isolation that brings, which brings us more stress

441
00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:58,199
Speaker 1: and more over consumption. And people would look at me,

442
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:02,439
Speaker 1: a thin body, he'd fit woman, and say, what the

443
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:05,439
Speaker 1: hell do you know about craving and over consumption and

444
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:09,119
Speaker 1: guilt and shame? And I just really wanted to say,

445
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:11,600
Speaker 1: because drugs and food are not that different when it

446
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:14,960
Speaker 1: comes to that cycle. And so I finally did. I

447
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,280
Speaker 1: wrote one blog post and I just said, this is

448
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:21,399
Speaker 1: my story, this is my backstory. I was terrified, and

449
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,720
Speaker 1: of course the response was nothing but supportive and positive

450
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:25,400
Speaker 1: and encouraging.

451
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:30,600
Speaker 3: So did you set any boundaries when you shared your story?

452
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:33,960
Speaker 1: I did in that I only shared the things I

453
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,440
Speaker 1: chose to share, and I would only answer the questions

454
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:38,520
Speaker 1: that I chose to answer. So there were some things

455
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:40,919
Speaker 1: that felt too intimate for me to share. I was

456
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,400
Speaker 1: not yet talking about my trauma at that time at all.

457
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,439
Speaker 1: So I did, and I told myself that if the

458
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:49,560
Speaker 1: comments were not positive or were hurting my mental health,

459
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:51,520
Speaker 1: I would literally turn that off and would not look

460
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:54,280
Speaker 1: at them anymore. Like that was it, And I of

461
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:58,359
Speaker 1: course was pleasantly surprised by how again supportive everybody was.

462
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:02,960
Speaker 1: But it was important for me to really own my story.

463
00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:04,679
Speaker 1: And even if people had said to me, wow, this

464
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:07,560
Speaker 1: makes me trust you less or this makes me really,

465
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,720
Speaker 1: you know, question your credibility, I needed to stand in

466
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:13,720
Speaker 1: that and say, okay, like I know who I am,

467
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:16,119
Speaker 1: I know what I bring to the table. I am

468
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:20,639
Speaker 1: embracing all parts of myself, including the you know, teenager

469
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,760
Speaker 1: and young adults who was a drug addict, like she's me,

470
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:25,679
Speaker 1: and it was really important that.

471
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 2: I do that.

472
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:28,719
Speaker 3: You know, something else that you said really resonated with

473
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,280
Speaker 3: me when you were talking about individuals who you were

474
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:34,880
Speaker 3: speaking with. We're wondering, who is this small, thin, fit

475
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,760
Speaker 3: woman to talk to us about struggling with food? What

476
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,359
Speaker 3: does this woman know about struggle? And then not knowing

477
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:43,040
Speaker 3: at that time that you had a background with substance

478
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,920
Speaker 3: abuse and of course that trauma history. But there are

479
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:49,960
Speaker 3: so many individuals, and I want to say specifically women

480
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 3: although obviously this doesn't discriminate based on gender, that truly

481
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:57,239
Speaker 3: do struggle with so many deep rooted issues, as you know,

482
00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,639
Speaker 3: when it comes to food, and they are made to

483
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:02,919
Speaker 3: feel like they are not allowed to have issues because

484
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:06,119
Speaker 3: of their size and stature. What do you say to

485
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:09,880
Speaker 3: those individuals, because I know that you are hearing from

486
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:10,479
Speaker 3: them often.

487
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:14,119
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is a really complex and nuanced topic and

488
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:17,959
Speaker 1: I'm still learning more about my privilege in this space.

489
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:22,199
Speaker 1: But there is an enormous amount of privilege associated with

490
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:28,200
Speaker 1: being thin bodied in today's society, the societally accepted standard

491
00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:32,119
Speaker 1: for what is pretty, but also what we have conflated

492
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:35,919
Speaker 1: with healthy. So though I was a drug addict and

493
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:40,400
Speaker 1: I did have this these issues even as an addict,

494
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:43,480
Speaker 1: and even in my recovery, I still wasn't faced with

495
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:48,320
Speaker 1: the same kind of marginalization that people living in larger

496
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,560
Speaker 1: bodies work. I was all I mean, even in I

497
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:53,320
Speaker 1: remember getting out of rehab and people are like, why

498
00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:55,200
Speaker 1: you look so thin? You look so good, and I'm

499
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:58,479
Speaker 1: like cool, I just quit Heroin, Like come on, So

500
00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:01,720
Speaker 1: you know, I I'm always careful when I talk about

501
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:04,919
Speaker 1: this sense of shared experience that I do know what

502
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,280
Speaker 1: it's like to feel out of control, to feel guilt,

503
00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 1: to feel shame, to kind of use the thing that

504
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:13,640
Speaker 1: you hate yourself for the most to self soothe from

505
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:16,240
Speaker 1: that stress and guilt and shame. But I don't know

506
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:22,720
Speaker 1: the societal marginalization and discrimination that comes along with like

507
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:27,119
Speaker 1: physical signs of that struggle. And so there's a delineation

508
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:29,920
Speaker 1: there that I'm always really careful to make for.

509
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:33,640
Speaker 3: The individuals that come to you, maybe without this similar

510
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:38,040
Speaker 3: path of different traumatic experiences or substance abuse in their history.

511
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:41,040
Speaker 3: What do you say to those that may be in

512
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:44,680
Speaker 3: smaller bodies that still feel as though they are struggling

513
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 3: with their relationship with food.

514
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:49,199
Speaker 1: Oh, I mean, I think struggles with the relationship with

515
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:54,159
Speaker 1: food are relatively universal, totally even across genders. But I

516
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 1: do think that it is more heavily felt by women,

517
00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:02,199
Speaker 1: for whom the patriarchy and stereotypically rigid gender roles and

518
00:26:02,359 --> 00:26:06,399
Speaker 1: diet culture and religious influences and trauma and the media

519
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:11,119
Speaker 1: and advertising have just weighed so heavily on us to

520
00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:16,040
Speaker 1: be smaller, to be compliant, to be you know, small.

521
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:19,640
Speaker 1: I think that is the kind of intersection of Whole

522
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 1: thirty and Boundaries, is that Whole thirty really tries to

523
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,840
Speaker 1: provide a different avenue that is not weight loss for

524
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,480
Speaker 1: people who want to improve their relationship with food and

525
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:33,560
Speaker 1: discover the foods that work for them. And much like

526
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:36,919
Speaker 1: my work with Boundaries, we are unlearning and railing against

527
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:40,480
Speaker 1: this idea that in order to be good and loved

528
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:44,919
Speaker 1: and liked we need to be small and compliant. So

529
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:46,440
Speaker 1: there's a lot of overlap there.

530
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:51,000
Speaker 3: Before you co founded Whole thirty, what were you doing

531
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:51,480
Speaker 3: for work?

532
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:56,000
Speaker 1: I worked in insurance. I started Freshutter Rehab as an

533
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,080
Speaker 1: administrative assistant and worked my way up to managing a

534
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:03,080
Speaker 1: group of business analysts and operations analysts in three different offices.

535
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:05,680
Speaker 1: So I had a team of about twenty mostly young women,

536
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:08,240
Speaker 1: reporting to me, and I was there for ten years,

537
00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:10,560
Speaker 1: and I loved it. I loved that work. I loved

538
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,000
Speaker 1: that job. I went back to school and earned my

539
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,560
Speaker 1: business degree while I worked at that job. They had

540
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:18,640
Speaker 1: tuition reimbursement, so I was able to finally graduate from college.

541
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:22,080
Speaker 1: But then, you know, towards about two thousand and six

542
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 1: or so, I started my CrossFit blog and I started

543
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,880
Speaker 1: writing about diet and nutrition and training, and started doing

544
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,400
Speaker 1: more work with CrossFit and opened a small CrossFit gym,

545
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:33,920
Speaker 1: and you know, then in two thousand and nine, kind

546
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:35,919
Speaker 1: of the whole thirty self experiment came about, and I

547
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:38,880
Speaker 1: started writing about that, and I realized I was doing

548
00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:41,119
Speaker 1: both of these things kind of poorly at this point,

549
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:42,840
Speaker 1: and I would either have to like take the leap

550
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:44,359
Speaker 1: and see if I could make whole thirty work, but

551
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:46,640
Speaker 1: that meant quitting the best paying job I'd ever had,

552
00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:49,359
Speaker 1: or I was just going to continue to do this

553
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:51,919
Speaker 1: job that wasn't filling me up as much as this

554
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,320
Speaker 1: other work for the kind of safety of it, And

555
00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:57,120
Speaker 1: then whole thirty would kind of flounder, so I took

556
00:27:57,160 --> 00:27:57,440
Speaker 1: the leap.

557
00:27:57,680 --> 00:28:00,720
Speaker 3: What I'm hearing you say through talking about your previous

558
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,960
Speaker 3: job experience is that you found a lot of motivation

559
00:28:04,119 --> 00:28:06,720
Speaker 3: after you got out of rehab.

560
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:07,119
Speaker 2: The second time.

561
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:10,200
Speaker 3: To be able to head up a team of twenty

562
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:14,560
Speaker 3: is super impressive, and then to be doing that while

563
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:18,320
Speaker 3: also pursuing your other interests really shows a lot of

564
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:19,400
Speaker 3: tenacity on your part.

565
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:24,200
Speaker 1: I was always incredibly motivated. I was always just thrilled

566
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:27,440
Speaker 1: by the idea of hard work. All of that made

567
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:30,200
Speaker 1: me a very good drug addict. When I tried drugs,

568
00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:34,080
Speaker 1: I dove in so hard and so deep and so fast.

569
00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:36,000
Speaker 1: I did not have a drug of choice. I loved

570
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:38,160
Speaker 1: them all. So all of the things that made me

571
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:40,520
Speaker 1: a really good addict also make me very good at

572
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:43,800
Speaker 1: other practices. I'm just kind of able to steer that

573
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 1: energy into other areas. And I really liked feeling successful.

574
00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:53,120
Speaker 1: I really liked working hard and doing a good job

575
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 1: and learning. And you know, again, as someone who had

576
00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 1: to quiet this voice in her head that I was

577
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:02,080
Speaker 1: just this worthless drug addict, you know, piece of crap.

578
00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:04,880
Speaker 1: It was nice to get promotions, it was nice to

579
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:07,520
Speaker 1: graduate from college. It fed me. It all fed me,

580
00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:09,080
Speaker 1: and it all felt really exciting.

581
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:11,440
Speaker 3: Which is no wonder why when you got to this

582
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:14,360
Speaker 3: crossroads realizing that you were doing two things not to

583
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:17,080
Speaker 3: the best of your potential, that you had no option

584
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 3: but to pick one and run with it.

585
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:23,880
Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean, I really again had no desire to

586
00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:26,240
Speaker 1: own my own business, and if I knew how hard

587
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:27,600
Speaker 1: it was going to be, I don't know if I

588
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:29,560
Speaker 1: would have done it. And honestly, I had no idea

589
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:32,600
Speaker 1: what I was doing for many years. But I loved

590
00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:35,240
Speaker 1: whole thirty I loved the impact that it was having.

591
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:38,880
Speaker 1: I felt like I could talk about it endlessly, and

592
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:41,719
Speaker 1: when people would send me their success stories, like really

593
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:44,480
Speaker 1: life changing stories, I was like, man, this feels good.

594
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:48,480
Speaker 1: So it felt easy to make that leap and then like, okay,

595
00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:50,400
Speaker 1: well we'll figure out the business stuff. But I did

596
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:53,240
Speaker 1: go back to school and I got a business degree

597
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:56,040
Speaker 1: while I worked in insurance my earlier degree, like I

598
00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:58,600
Speaker 1: was a pre med major my first time around through

599
00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 1: college before I had to drop out and my insurance

600
00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:04,120
Speaker 1: company would only pay for a business degree because that

601
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:05,680
Speaker 1: was related to the industry I was in, and I

602
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:07,920
Speaker 1: was like, whatever, I just want to graduate and then

603
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:10,400
Speaker 1: my business degree served me really well building the brand.

604
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:12,720
Speaker 3: Talk to me a little bit about what it was

605
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:15,160
Speaker 3: like for you to know that you wanted to build

606
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:18,880
Speaker 3: this company and pursue your passions with whole thirty following

607
00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:22,920
Speaker 3: that excitement, but not really knowing the first thing about

608
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 3: going about that or how to do so.

609
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 1: I mean again, I didn't know what I didn't know,

610
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:31,479
Speaker 1: and that made me blissfully happy and excited. Right. I

611
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:33,160
Speaker 1: had note people talk about like, oh, what was your

612
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 1: strategy for growing? And I laughed because I'm like, Oh,

613
00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:37,080
Speaker 1: it's so cute that you think I had a strategy.

614
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:40,760
Speaker 1: All I cared about was helping people do the whole

615
00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:44,000
Speaker 1: thirty and that was and honestly still is my north star.

616
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:46,200
Speaker 1: I am not a profit driven CEO. I'm not a

617
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:49,240
Speaker 1: growth driven CEO. All I care about is impact and

618
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:50,920
Speaker 1: all I wanted to do was help people do the

619
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:54,000
Speaker 1: whole thirty. And so every single thing I did was

620
00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:57,840
Speaker 1: so community focused. It was it was connecting, it was listening.

621
00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:01,520
Speaker 1: I gave everything away for free for such a long time.

622
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:04,600
Speaker 1: You know, it was two years before we started charging

623
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:08,239
Speaker 1: thirty bucks for a nutrition seminar or a you know,

624
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:12,000
Speaker 1: downloadable like ebook, but all of that time was just

625
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:15,960
Speaker 1: spent listening, looking for pain points, creating resources to help

626
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:19,760
Speaker 1: solve those pain points, refining the messaging, refining the support,

627
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:22,680
Speaker 1: adding to the free stuff in resources that we offered,

628
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:26,280
Speaker 1: and that was, it turns out, a really great strategy

629
00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:29,480
Speaker 1: to grow business. I didn't know that, but I knew

630
00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:31,880
Speaker 1: that I was helping a lot of people find success

631
00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 1: with the program and that was actually changing their lives.

632
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:37,840
Speaker 2: Why was that important to you?

633
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:43,160
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess everyone wants to make a difference.

634
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:45,400
Speaker 1: I'm not one of those people who think about, like, oh,

635
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:47,640
Speaker 1: what's the legacy I'm going to leave behind? Like now,

636
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:52,200
Speaker 1: I don't really think about that. But I noticed the

637
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 1: incredible transformation that the Whole thirty had on me. It

638
00:31:57,240 --> 00:32:02,400
Speaker 1: identified kind of holes in my relationship with food that

639
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:05,360
Speaker 1: I had never seen before and allowed me to create

640
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:11,640
Speaker 1: other healthier coping mechanisms for discomfort, anxiety, boredom, you know,

641
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:14,160
Speaker 1: when I needed to show my self love. It really

642
00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:17,880
Speaker 1: radically transformed my relationship with food, my relationship with my body.

643
00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:19,600
Speaker 1: I felt like the Whole thirty was the first time

644
00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 1: I was able to get off the scale and out

645
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:24,480
Speaker 1: of the mirror. And because it was so impactful for me,

646
00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:27,360
Speaker 1: like I wouldn't shut up about it. I wanted to

647
00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 1: tell everyone about it because I felt like it had

648
00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:32,480
Speaker 1: such potential. And when I ran the first little group

649
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:34,479
Speaker 1: of one hundred people through the program in July two

650
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:37,320
Speaker 1: thousand and nine on my little blog and they started

651
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:42,680
Speaker 1: coming back with remarkably similar, equally stunning stories, I was like, Wow,

652
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:45,000
Speaker 1: I think we're onto something here. This is like a thing.

653
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:49,840
Speaker 1: So you know, as long as I I think, as

654
00:32:49,880 --> 00:32:52,400
Speaker 1: long as I was connected to the community and hearing

655
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:56,560
Speaker 1: those stories and seeing the difference that the blog post

656
00:32:56,720 --> 00:33:00,440
Speaker 1: I wrote made in someone's life, I was really happy

657
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:01,920
Speaker 1: with that. And I was like, well, we'll figure out

658
00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:04,640
Speaker 1: the money thing, you know, on the way, And we'd.

659
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:12,560
Speaker 3: Taking a break from today's episode to give some love

660
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:17,320
Speaker 3: to my sponsors. First up, my friends at Open. For

661
00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 3: those of you that may not follow along with me

662
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Speaker 3: on Instagram, then you may not know just how obsessed

663
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Speaker 3: I am with Open as a part of my morning routine.

664
00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:28,000
Speaker 2: Open is a mindfulness studio.

665
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Speaker 3: It's a space to become alive through breathwork, meditation, movement,

666
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Speaker 3: and sound. The Open method is rooted in the science

667
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Speaker 3: of transforming the brain and training the body for longevity

668
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669
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Speaker 3: what they set out to do to make the benefit

671
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Speaker 3: of the present moment accessible to all. I start every

672
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:57,160
Speaker 3: morning with my Open app. I do a three to

673
00:33:57,280 --> 00:34:00,440
Speaker 3: five minute breathwork routine and it helps me just come

674
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:04,720
Speaker 3: back into my body and prepare myself emotionally and mentally

675
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,280
Speaker 3: to take on whatever the day is going to throw

676
00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:11,719
Speaker 3: my way. Of course, the app offers so much more

677
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Speaker 3: than just breathwork. They've got meditation and movement classes as well,

678
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Speaker 3: and you can practice with your friends when they do

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Speaker 3: live classes that enable you to also chat live with

680
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Speaker 3: your instructor. Truly love this platform and has transformed the

681
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Speaker 3: way I think about mindfulness and I know that you

682
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Speaker 3: are going to love it.

683
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 2: To practice on the.

684
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:38,040
Speaker 3: Open App or in person at the LA Studio, We're

685
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Speaker 3: both head on over to with Open dot Com slash

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Speaker 3: hurdle to get thirty days free today again, experience Open

687
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Speaker 3: dot Com slash Hurdle. Also got to give some love

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690
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Speaker 3: sitting here with my bottle right in front of me,

691
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Speaker 3: all about the morning routine I talk to you about

692
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Speaker 3: open being a part of it.

693
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Speaker 2: AG one from Athletic Greens is as well, and.

694
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695
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696
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698
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699
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Speaker 3: best of my body. Not to mention, it also packs

700
00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:33,960
Speaker 3: the equivalent of twelve servings of.

701
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:36,000
Speaker 2: Fruits and vegetables.

702
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:39,120
Speaker 3: This stuff is my go to, and I know that

703
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Speaker 3: if you're not on the train yet, you won't regret it.

704
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Speaker 3: Head on over to athleticgreens dot com slash hurdle to

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706
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707
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Speaker 3: Athleticgreens dot com slash hurdle to get a bunch of

708
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709
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:10,200
Speaker 3: So you get to a point where you finally start

710
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:13,799
Speaker 3: charging something like thirty books Shore Nutrition seminar, and I

711
00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:16,839
Speaker 3: mean I will like cut to the endgame here. I mean,

712
00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:18,719
Speaker 3: now Whole thirty, I feel like it has everything right.

713
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:20,759
Speaker 3: There are products that are certified Whle thirty. You do

714
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:21,479
Speaker 3: so much more.

715
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:25,200
Speaker 2: So what happened from let's say, like point B to

716
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:25,719
Speaker 2: point Z.

717
00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:28,280
Speaker 1: I know, I mean people are like, wow, it seems

718
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:30,000
Speaker 1: like Whole thirty came out of nowhere, and I'm like, yes,

719
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:33,000
Speaker 1: a fourteen year overnight success, right. You know, there's a

720
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:35,239
Speaker 1: lot of time and energy put into that. But we

721
00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:38,279
Speaker 1: started doing workshops. The workshops led to me thinking I

722
00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:41,439
Speaker 1: wanted to write my first book, got the first publishing deal.

723
00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:44,160
Speaker 1: The first book came out. Our community was rather large

724
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 1: and really super engaged in Whole thirty. The book at

725
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:48,840
Speaker 1: the New York Times list that got us some national media.

726
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:52,120
Speaker 1: We started working with brands who made products that were

727
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:55,320
Speaker 1: Whole thirty compatible because I didn't want to make food,

728
00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:57,839
Speaker 1: but these brands were making awesome food that my whole

729
00:36:57,840 --> 00:36:59,360
Speaker 1: thirty years could eat, and I was like, wow, what

730
00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:02,040
Speaker 1: a great like win win for everybody if I connect

731
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:04,440
Speaker 1: the community to these brands. So we started licensing the

732
00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:07,759
Speaker 1: logo to brands like Epic and Sea Snacks, and now

733
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:09,960
Speaker 1: we have one hundred and forty Whole thirty approved partners

734
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,960
Speaker 1: and Whole thirty Salid Bowl in Chipotle, and you know,

735
00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:15,920
Speaker 1: so that really grew. I continued to write more books.

736
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:20,360
Speaker 1: We you know, created our Whole thirty Certified coaching program

737
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:23,200
Speaker 1: in twenty seventeen, and that went on strong for a

738
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:25,600
Speaker 1: solid couple of years where people were able to get

739
00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:28,040
Speaker 1: one on one coaching from you know, people who were

740
00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:30,839
Speaker 1: certified through the program. We launched a Salid dressing line

741
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:34,120
Speaker 1: a couple of years ago, so it's definitely continued to grow.

742
00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:37,320
Speaker 1: But through it all, all I am ever really doing

743
00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:39,239
Speaker 1: is looking at the community and saying, how can I

744
00:37:39,239 --> 00:37:42,080
Speaker 1: help you be more successful? Every offshoot of that, like

745
00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:44,160
Speaker 1: that's the litmus test for every single thing we do

746
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:46,240
Speaker 1: at Whole thirty is is this going to help someone

747
00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:48,520
Speaker 1: be more successful with their program.

748
00:37:48,719 --> 00:37:51,239
Speaker 3: I'll be honest, I've never tried Whole thirty, and I'm

749
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:54,480
Speaker 3: curious to get your perspective on this because the reason

750
00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:57,840
Speaker 3: that I haven't personally tried Whole thirty is as someone

751
00:37:57,920 --> 00:38:01,839
Speaker 3: with a history of weight loss, I definitely struggle with

752
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:06,120
Speaker 3: the idea of completely restricting things from my diet.

753
00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:08,320
Speaker 2: When you hear that, what do you say?

754
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:10,560
Speaker 1: I say that that you should listen to that, and

755
00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:12,960
Speaker 1: the whole thirty might not be right for you. The

756
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:15,640
Speaker 1: Whole thirty is not designed for anyone with a history

757
00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:18,560
Speaker 1: of disordered eating or disordered eating patterns. This is not

758
00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:20,839
Speaker 1: the program for that. There are other programs and other

759
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:23,239
Speaker 1: philosophies that are so great for that community.

760
00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:24,279
Speaker 2: This is not that.

761
00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:29,160
Speaker 1: And also, any restriction can lead you down a path

762
00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:32,920
Speaker 1: to disordered thinking around food. We are all swimming in

763
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:36,560
Speaker 1: diet culture. And if you find that on your Whole thirty,

764
00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:38,160
Speaker 1: you think to yourself, Okay, I'm not eating you know,

765
00:38:38,239 --> 00:38:40,720
Speaker 1: this is a self experiment. It's not about weight loss.

766
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:43,239
Speaker 1: I'm going to eliminate things for thirty days, then add

767
00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:45,239
Speaker 1: them back in and compare my experience. But if in

768
00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 1: that elimination you find yourself saying, well, I'm giving up

769
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:50,520
Speaker 1: you know, all grains. Maybe I should give up fruit

770
00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:52,080
Speaker 1: too because fruit has a lot of sugar. Or I'm

771
00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:54,440
Speaker 1: giving up you know, these foods, but maybe I should

772
00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:57,839
Speaker 1: also restrict my portions or restrict my meal timing. That's

773
00:38:57,880 --> 00:39:01,240
Speaker 1: a red flag and that's a you know, a prime

774
00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:03,799
Speaker 1: sign to say this program is leading you down a

775
00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:05,399
Speaker 1: path that is not healthy for you, and I would

776
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:07,480
Speaker 1: highly recommend you'd, like take a time out, go talk

777
00:39:07,520 --> 00:39:10,279
Speaker 1: to a counselor or therapist, or a support group, or

778
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:12,800
Speaker 1: you know, find another protocol that works for you. The

779
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:15,640
Speaker 1: Whole thirty works incredibly well for millions of people, but

780
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:18,319
Speaker 1: it is not for everyone. There is no one size

781
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:21,120
Speaker 1: fits all. And if you're worried about the idea of

782
00:39:21,200 --> 00:39:24,439
Speaker 1: restriction leading you to an unhealthy brain space, I would

783
00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:27,680
Speaker 1: highly recommend looking at a program that does not involve restriction.

784
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:31,200
Speaker 3: Right And at the same token, also like speaking one

785
00:39:31,239 --> 00:39:33,960
Speaker 3: on one with a registered dietitian, right, Yeah, And I

786
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:36,920
Speaker 3: know that we haven't completely homed in on exactly what

787
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:39,520
Speaker 3: whole thirty is just yet, you know, thirty five minutes in,

788
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:41,320
Speaker 3: but I want to make sure that we give that

789
00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:44,760
Speaker 3: some air as well. So whole thirty means no dairy,

790
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:49,000
Speaker 3: no grains, no added sugar, no alcohol, no legomes, am

791
00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:49,760
Speaker 3: I missing anything?

792
00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:53,160
Speaker 1: So those are the food groups that we eliminate. But

793
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:56,080
Speaker 1: to take one little step backwards, Whole thirty is based

794
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:59,440
Speaker 1: on the framework of an elimination diet. Elimination diets have

795
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:01,960
Speaker 1: been around since in nineteen twenties. They are still considered

796
00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:04,200
Speaker 1: by many medical doctors to be the gold standard for

797
00:40:04,239 --> 00:40:07,200
Speaker 1: identifying food sensitivities, even with all of the lab testing

798
00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:11,640
Speaker 1: we have, which requires time and money and privilege. Even

799
00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:14,480
Speaker 1: with all of that lab testing, an elimination diet where

800
00:40:14,480 --> 00:40:17,000
Speaker 1: you leave something out for thirty days, add it back

801
00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:21,320
Speaker 1: in and compare your experience, is still such an accessible

802
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:26,040
Speaker 1: and relatively short period of time to learn about the

803
00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:28,280
Speaker 1: foods that work best for you. So that's the framework

804
00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 1: of the program. When you get into the things that

805
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:33,680
Speaker 1: we are eliminating for thirty days, it is based on

806
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 1: the idea that these foods are commonly problematic two varying

807
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:40,520
Speaker 1: degrees across a broad range of people. We don't eliminate

808
00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:43,120
Speaker 1: foods because they're bad. We don't think you should never

809
00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:45,600
Speaker 1: eat these foods. Again, what we're saying is the clinical

810
00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:48,839
Speaker 1: research and our experience have shown that these foods can

811
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:51,719
Speaker 1: be problematic. So let's do an experiment where you pull

812
00:40:51,760 --> 00:40:54,680
Speaker 1: them out for thirty days, like one hundred percent. Though

813
00:40:54,719 --> 00:40:57,279
Speaker 1: you got to do elimination diets really by the book,

814
00:40:57,280 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 1: it's not like you can pull them out for a

815
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:01,640
Speaker 1: couple of days and then kind of a day off.

816
00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:04,360
Speaker 1: That's not how elimination programs work. And then at the

817
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:06,600
Speaker 1: end of those thirty days, we have a reintroduction schedule

818
00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:08,879
Speaker 1: where you're bringing those foods back one at a time,

819
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:12,960
Speaker 1: very carefully and systematically, like a scientific experiment, and comparing

820
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:16,759
Speaker 1: your experience. So that's the body of the program. If

821
00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:20,279
Speaker 1: people don't understand that it's an elimination diet, they might

822
00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:22,840
Speaker 1: just hear, well, you give up alcohol, you give up sugar,

823
00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:24,640
Speaker 1: you give up grains, and they might think it's some

824
00:41:24,719 --> 00:41:26,719
Speaker 1: kind of like boot camp or a hazing or some

825
00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:28,799
Speaker 1: kind of nutrition challenge, and that's not at all the

826
00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:31,560
Speaker 1: case with whole thirty. So I always like to start

827
00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:33,960
Speaker 1: with sort of the basic foundation. All right, all right,

828
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:35,200
Speaker 1: the very basic foundation.

829
00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:38,200
Speaker 3: So, but that's super helpful, right because then through the

830
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:43,480
Speaker 3: reintroduction phase, you have an opportunity to compare your experiences exactly.

831
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:46,560
Speaker 1: So if you take dairy out and you just happen

832
00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:49,200
Speaker 1: to notice on week two that you're breathing better, you

833
00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:51,920
Speaker 1: haven't had an asthma attack, your skin is clearer, your

834
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:55,480
Speaker 1: seasonal allergies are better, and then you reintroduce dairy and

835
00:41:55,560 --> 00:41:59,719
Speaker 1: those symptoms come back. That gives you valuable information about

836
00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:03,080
Speaker 1: the way dairy works in your system. We are still

837
00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:06,279
Speaker 1: not saying, oh, you shouldn't eat dairy. Then, what we

838
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:09,359
Speaker 1: are saying is, now you understand the way this food

839
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:11,920
Speaker 1: affects you, and you can make your own conscient just

840
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:15,200
Speaker 1: deliberate decisions about when and how often and in what

841
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 1: format you include these foods into your diet. Because sometimes

842
00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:22,640
Speaker 1: they're just delicious, or they're culturally significant, or they're family significant,

843
00:42:23,160 --> 00:42:25,200
Speaker 1: and you want to keep eating them. But at least

844
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:29,280
Speaker 1: now you'll be able to eat them understanding the effects

845
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:32,160
Speaker 1: that they have on your body, and ideally be able

846
00:42:32,160 --> 00:42:36,839
Speaker 1: to mitigate those effects with the frequency or the quantity

847
00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:38,840
Speaker 1: in which you're eating them, if you choose.

848
00:42:39,719 --> 00:42:44,080
Speaker 3: Is there a specific food or category that you learned

849
00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:47,240
Speaker 3: for yourself really wasn't serving you when doing Whole thirty

850
00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:49,440
Speaker 3: and you still are mindful of that today.

851
00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:51,879
Speaker 1: So dairy was the big one. I used to eat

852
00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:55,800
Speaker 1: so much low fat yogurt, low fat cottage cheese, tons

853
00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:58,040
Speaker 1: of string cheeses, like, all of these kind of higher

854
00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:01,960
Speaker 1: protein foods that dairy based, And it wasn't until I

855
00:43:02,040 --> 00:43:05,880
Speaker 1: gave them up and realized that having diarrhea like every

856
00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:09,640
Speaker 1: day was probably not normal, Like I was pooping so

857
00:43:09,719 --> 00:43:11,279
Speaker 1: much every day and was like, well, that's just how

858
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:13,360
Speaker 1: my body works. And then I gave them up and

859
00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:15,520
Speaker 1: was like oh, and then I reintroduced them and it

860
00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:17,319
Speaker 1: was like an alien in my belly and I'm like, eh,

861
00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:22,080
Speaker 1: but that was fourteen years ago. Now I've improved my

862
00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:24,400
Speaker 1: gut health and I've been kind of eating this like

863
00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:27,239
Speaker 1: food freedom Whole thirty style plan for fourteen years. And

864
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:30,080
Speaker 1: now I can definitely eat some cottage cheese, no big deal.

865
00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:31,960
Speaker 1: I can definitely enjoy cheese, no big deal. I can

866
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:33,840
Speaker 1: have like the occasional ice cream, no big deal. I

867
00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:36,920
Speaker 1: don't notice those same consequences, but I don't miss it

868
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 1: a ton, so I don't bring it back a ton.

869
00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:43,280
Speaker 3: Right, right, So definitely education that has stuck with.

870
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:45,960
Speaker 2: You and enables you to learn your body better.

871
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:49,080
Speaker 3: I think that that is something that's so interesting with

872
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:52,960
Speaker 3: just us as humans, right, is that we get to

873
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:57,560
Speaker 3: a point, especially as we age, where we almost surrender

874
00:43:57,800 --> 00:44:01,480
Speaker 3: and think that we have to with certain aches or

875
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:03,080
Speaker 3: pains because that's just.

876
00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:05,400
Speaker 2: How it is now, and it doesn't have to be

877
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:05,879
Speaker 2: like that.

878
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:08,200
Speaker 3: You don't have to have a constant headache, you don't

879
00:44:08,239 --> 00:44:11,200
Speaker 3: have to continuously wonder if going to the bathroom four

880
00:44:11,239 --> 00:44:13,719
Speaker 3: times a day is normal, Like it's not normal to

881
00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:15,640
Speaker 3: be regularly in chronic pain.

882
00:44:16,160 --> 00:44:19,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, And you know, food, of course, is not going

883
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:23,520
Speaker 1: to like magically fix everybody's symptoms or health condition, but

884
00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:26,839
Speaker 1: it can have a powerful impact and in ways that

885
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:30,719
Speaker 1: people may not associate with what they're eating. So if

886
00:44:30,760 --> 00:44:32,880
Speaker 1: you are a smoker, if you smoke cigarettes and you

887
00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:34,920
Speaker 1: have this chronic cough, and I said to you, hey,

888
00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:37,640
Speaker 1: your cigarettes are probably making your cough worse, you'd be like, yeah, fine,

889
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:40,720
Speaker 1: I get it. But when my mom had this chronic

890
00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:43,560
Speaker 1: shoulder tendinitis that was so bad she could not lift

891
00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:45,880
Speaker 1: my child or like even put her own shirt on

892
00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:48,279
Speaker 1: over her head. And I said to her, boy, I

893
00:44:48,320 --> 00:44:50,279
Speaker 1: wonder if some of the stuff in your diet is

894
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:52,319
Speaker 1: impacting your tendinites, Like I wonder if maybe you have

895
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:56,200
Speaker 1: a gluten sensitivity. She could not put together the idea

896
00:44:56,200 --> 00:45:00,040
Speaker 1: that eating bread might make her shoulder hurt worse. So

897
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:02,560
Speaker 1: it can have a powerful impact in ways that we

898
00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:05,640
Speaker 1: may not associate. Some of these foods have been marketed

899
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:08,600
Speaker 1: blanket marketed to all of us as universally healthy, and

900
00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:11,120
Speaker 1: we know there is no universally good or bad food.

901
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:14,000
Speaker 1: So doing a self experiment like this can give you

902
00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:17,800
Speaker 1: valuable information about what works well in your unique context

903
00:45:18,239 --> 00:45:20,800
Speaker 1: in a way that a scientific study or a headline

904
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:21,439
Speaker 1: never could.

905
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:26,040
Speaker 3: We mentioned a slew of books you've authored, obviously being

906
00:45:26,040 --> 00:45:30,000
Speaker 3: the co founder and CEO of Whole thirty, such a massive, massive,

907
00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:34,359
Speaker 3: massive company. Also, you just mentioned your child. How has

908
00:45:34,400 --> 00:45:39,360
Speaker 3: it been for you driving this company forward while also

909
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:42,280
Speaker 3: having and managing your personal life.

910
00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:48,000
Speaker 1: My son is now ten. I remember having him and thinking, well,

911
00:45:48,040 --> 00:45:50,280
Speaker 1: I will I'll just write blog posts while he naps.

912
00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:51,960
Speaker 1: And I just want to smack myself for all the

913
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:54,120
Speaker 1: things I said about having a kid before I had

914
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:55,880
Speaker 1: a kid. I was the best parent before I had

915
00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:59,600
Speaker 1: a kid. You know, there have definitely been challenges. But

916
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:02,280
Speaker 1: this is the point again where I'm like reminding people

917
00:46:02,320 --> 00:46:04,600
Speaker 1: of all the privilege that I have, because I'm not

918
00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:05,880
Speaker 1: one of those people who are going to show up

919
00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:07,239
Speaker 1: and say, like, well, we all have the same twenty

920
00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:09,200
Speaker 1: four hours in a day and we all just have

921
00:46:09,280 --> 00:46:11,440
Speaker 1: to like make it work. Because no, I have a

922
00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:14,480
Speaker 1: full time nanny and a halftime child because he said

923
00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:16,400
Speaker 1: his dads every other week. I have a job that

924
00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:19,359
Speaker 1: lets me show up whenever I want, and my gym

925
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:22,200
Speaker 1: membership is a business expense, like I don't. I have

926
00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:24,080
Speaker 1: a lot of privilege in this area, and it's made

927
00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:27,560
Speaker 1: it a lot easier to run the business and you know,

928
00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:30,960
Speaker 1: raise my kidd. Oh. But yeah, there were challenges. I

929
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:33,360
Speaker 1: had to figure out how to set boundaries, mostly with

930
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:36,520
Speaker 1: myself around my work time and what I said yes

931
00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:38,200
Speaker 1: to and how much I would take on to make

932
00:46:38,239 --> 00:46:41,319
Speaker 1: sure I had enough time to nights and weekends like

933
00:46:41,440 --> 00:46:43,400
Speaker 1: not work and spend that time with my kid. And

934
00:46:43,440 --> 00:46:46,160
Speaker 1: there's you know, it's always changing because as your kid

935
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:48,520
Speaker 1: changes and grows and your business changes and grows, you

936
00:46:48,520 --> 00:46:50,600
Speaker 1: have to flex. But I think I found a pretty

937
00:46:50,600 --> 00:46:51,080
Speaker 1: good balance.

938
00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:51,319
Speaker 2: Now.

939
00:46:51,960 --> 00:46:54,839
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know it's interesting, right because you can try

940
00:46:54,840 --> 00:46:57,400
Speaker 3: to set those boundaries as I have. When it comes to,

941
00:46:57,560 --> 00:47:00,360
Speaker 3: for instance, editing the show on the weekends, I always

942
00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:02,320
Speaker 3: tell myself I'm not going to edit on the weekends.

943
00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:06,080
Speaker 3: But then you let that boundary fall by the wayside,

944
00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:08,279
Speaker 3: and you realize, like, oh, was it really that bad

945
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:10,000
Speaker 3: that I had to edit the show on the weekend,

946
00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:12,520
Speaker 3: knowing that I didn't want to do it.

947
00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:14,680
Speaker 2: Can you give us an example of a.

948
00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:17,600
Speaker 3: Boundary that you may have flexed on at one point

949
00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:21,600
Speaker 3: but finally became able to concrete for yourself.

950
00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:24,480
Speaker 1: Yes, it was no phone in the morning. I have

951
00:47:24,560 --> 00:47:27,160
Speaker 1: a boundary now that I don't look at my phone.

952
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:28,680
Speaker 1: I don't look at sluck, I don't look at email,

953
00:47:28,719 --> 00:47:30,920
Speaker 1: I don't look at social before my morning routine is done.

954
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:33,000
Speaker 1: Sometimes my morning routine is like a half hour. I

955
00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:35,200
Speaker 1: wake up, I go for a little walk with dog,

956
00:47:35,239 --> 00:47:37,040
Speaker 1: I feed my kid breakfast, I get them off to school.

957
00:47:37,040 --> 00:47:39,359
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's like ninety minutes. This morning, I woke up,

958
00:47:39,560 --> 00:47:41,400
Speaker 1: I took myself to the gym for a full hour.

959
00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:44,960
Speaker 1: I like ransom errands, but my workday does not start,

960
00:47:45,040 --> 00:47:48,680
Speaker 1: and it was it's so hard to maintain that boundary.

961
00:47:48,719 --> 00:47:51,480
Speaker 1: But what would happen is, you know, I'd wake up,

962
00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:53,120
Speaker 1: I'd roll over. I look at my phone in the

963
00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:55,200
Speaker 1: morning out of habit, and I would think to myself,

964
00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:57,759
Speaker 1: who's gonna know, right, nobody's gonna like jump out of

965
00:47:57,760 --> 00:47:59,359
Speaker 1: the closet and slap the phone out of my hand.

966
00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:02,000
Speaker 1: What harm is going to cause? But when I started

967
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:05,720
Speaker 1: thinking about the impact to future Melissa that this small

968
00:48:05,760 --> 00:48:07,799
Speaker 1: little action had, I would wake up. I'd roll over,

969
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:09,919
Speaker 1: i'd look at my phone. Chances are I would either

970
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:12,080
Speaker 1: get sucked into something and end up scrolling longer than

971
00:48:12,080 --> 00:48:14,160
Speaker 1: I wanted to, which eats into my morning routine time.

972
00:48:14,280 --> 00:48:16,640
Speaker 1: Or I would see an email that was a fire

973
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:20,080
Speaker 1: or a tweet that outraged me, or somebody's terrible comment

974
00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:21,440
Speaker 1: that I would feel like I had to reply to,

975
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:23,640
Speaker 1: and that would set the tone for the rest of

976
00:48:23,680 --> 00:48:26,840
Speaker 1: my day. I would feel reactive instead of proactive. My

977
00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 1: mood would tank. Maybe I would get so distracted that

978
00:48:29,120 --> 00:48:31,200
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have enough time for my workout, which really

979
00:48:31,239 --> 00:48:34,360
Speaker 1: hurts my mental health. The consequences of this small action

980
00:48:34,480 --> 00:48:37,320
Speaker 1: to future Melissa are actually pretty significant, and once I

981
00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:40,440
Speaker 1: started framing it like that, it became easier to pick

982
00:48:40,440 --> 00:48:41,719
Speaker 1: my phone up and go, no, I'm not going to

983
00:48:41,760 --> 00:48:43,879
Speaker 1: do that to her, right, And then an hour later

984
00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:46,000
Speaker 1: future me would be like, sweet, high five, thank you

985
00:48:46,040 --> 00:48:47,279
Speaker 1: so much for taking care of me here.

986
00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:52,200
Speaker 3: The consequences of this small action can be detrimental to

987
00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:55,400
Speaker 3: your future self. That's really powerful and a really great

988
00:48:55,440 --> 00:48:58,759
Speaker 3: way to frame it, right, because we think, oh, it's

989
00:48:58,760 --> 00:49:00,600
Speaker 3: not that big, not that big of a deal, like

990
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:01,920
Speaker 3: I'm not going to do it, and then you do it.

991
00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:03,560
Speaker 3: And you're like, but was it a big deal?

992
00:49:03,600 --> 00:49:04,319
Speaker 1: And it can be.

993
00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:07,360
Speaker 3: You mentioned, have your energy for the entire day is

994
00:49:07,400 --> 00:49:08,720
Speaker 3: a big deal.

995
00:49:09,200 --> 00:49:11,040
Speaker 1: Yes it is. It's a really big deal. I mean

996
00:49:11,080 --> 00:49:13,120
Speaker 1: it affects how I show up at work, It affects

997
00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:14,759
Speaker 1: how I show up with my kid later on, it

998
00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:18,600
Speaker 1: affects myself talk, right you yeahsh Melissa, You're so stupid,

999
00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:20,560
Speaker 1: Like just get off of Instagram. Why are you so

1000
00:49:20,760 --> 00:49:22,560
Speaker 1: on Instagram all the time? And you didn't even work

1001
00:49:22,600 --> 00:49:24,840
Speaker 1: out today and that's going to make you probably sleep

1002
00:49:24,880 --> 00:49:26,040
Speaker 1: like crap. And then what if you have a bad

1003
00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:28,520
Speaker 1: day tomorrow, like the you know, the negative self talk

1004
00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:33,319
Speaker 1: really starts turning. It can create this swirling tornado. All

1005
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:35,799
Speaker 1: that stems from like the butterfly flapping its wings when

1006
00:49:35,800 --> 00:49:36,800
Speaker 1: I pick up my phone.

1007
00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:39,120
Speaker 2: Totally the butterfly flapping its wings.

1008
00:49:39,200 --> 00:49:41,480
Speaker 3: It is really beautiful to hear you talk about this

1009
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:45,080
Speaker 3: because it really just is an example of how upholding

1010
00:49:45,120 --> 00:49:49,400
Speaker 3: boundaries for yourself is truly you giving a gift to yourself,

1011
00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:52,080
Speaker 3: and that gift keeps on giving not only to you,

1012
00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:54,760
Speaker 3: the person that's executing on these boundaries, but then also

1013
00:49:55,040 --> 00:49:56,759
Speaker 3: to the people that you care about, whether it be

1014
00:49:57,040 --> 00:49:59,759
Speaker 3: co workers, employees, friends, family, so on.

1015
00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:03,799
Speaker 1: Yes, boundaries are a gift. They are a gift to

1016
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:07,680
Speaker 1: all of your relationships. When I take responsibility for my

1017
00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:12,120
Speaker 1: own feelings and needs and I communicate those clearly, I

1018
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:16,040
Speaker 1: am creating a sense of trust and safety in our relationship.

1019
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:18,520
Speaker 1: You know that when I say something, I mean it,

1020
00:50:18,680 --> 00:50:20,400
Speaker 1: and if I can't do it, I will say no,

1021
00:50:20,680 --> 00:50:23,239
Speaker 1: and I'm not going to show up resentfully or begrudgingly

1022
00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:27,360
Speaker 1: or anxiously or be mad about it later on. This

1023
00:50:27,520 --> 00:50:30,719
Speaker 1: is especially important with kids. Boundaries create such a sense

1024
00:50:30,760 --> 00:50:32,920
Speaker 1: of safety with kids. And we've had boundaries with my

1025
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:36,600
Speaker 1: son since he was so early, and now he feels

1026
00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 1: comfortable setting and holding boundaries with us, which is such

1027
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:42,560
Speaker 1: a healthy dynamic I think for a relationship. And when

1028
00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:45,400
Speaker 1: you set a boundary with yourself, it goes beyond just

1029
00:50:45,480 --> 00:50:49,040
Speaker 1: I'm protecting future meat from the consequences. It is I

1030
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:53,960
Speaker 1: am worthy of having this need and meeting this need myself.

1031
00:50:54,560 --> 00:50:54,759
Speaker 2: Right.

1032
00:50:54,920 --> 00:50:57,200
Speaker 1: I know that when I say to myself, I don't

1033
00:50:57,239 --> 00:50:58,880
Speaker 1: want to pick up my phone in the morning because

1034
00:50:58,920 --> 00:51:01,400
Speaker 1: it does not serve my highest good, and then I

1035
00:51:01,440 --> 00:51:03,200
Speaker 1: put the phone down or I choose not to look

1036
00:51:03,239 --> 00:51:05,960
Speaker 1: at it, there's this feeling of yes, I had a need,

1037
00:51:06,040 --> 00:51:08,239
Speaker 1: I identified it, I'm worthy of meeting this need and I

1038
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:10,680
Speaker 1: was capable of doing it all by myself. And that

1039
00:51:10,800 --> 00:51:14,200
Speaker 1: feels good, and that really spills over into every area

1040
00:51:14,239 --> 00:51:14,920
Speaker 1: of your life.

1041
00:51:15,480 --> 00:51:17,280
Speaker 2: What are you working on right now? Melissa?

1042
00:51:17,520 --> 00:51:21,600
Speaker 3: And I asked that in like a what's one area

1043
00:51:21,680 --> 00:51:25,440
Speaker 3: of your life that you personally are struggling in or

1044
00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:29,040
Speaker 3: trying to work on? Because someone listening to this right

1045
00:51:29,080 --> 00:51:32,400
Speaker 3: now might feel a little bit frustrated, thinking, Wow, this

1046
00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:36,240
Speaker 3: woman's got her boundaries on lock. He has this company.

1047
00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:39,319
Speaker 3: A cute little ten year old kiddo, like, what are

1048
00:51:39,360 --> 00:51:40,680
Speaker 3: you working on? Let's get real.

1049
00:51:41,160 --> 00:51:44,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I'm in still in therapy. I will

1050
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:47,240
Speaker 1: never stop talking about therapy. And I got back into therapy,

1051
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:49,040
Speaker 1: you know, I take breaks from it to let myself

1052
00:51:49,120 --> 00:51:51,640
Speaker 1: kind of like take the skills that I've learned in

1053
00:51:51,680 --> 00:51:53,319
Speaker 1: therapy on the road. But I got back in a

1054
00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:55,080
Speaker 1: few weeks ago because I felt like there's still some

1055
00:51:55,200 --> 00:51:58,160
Speaker 1: work to unpack around my trauma and some of my relationships,

1056
00:51:58,160 --> 00:52:00,840
Speaker 1: and I'm doing a lot of repairing right now. So

1057
00:52:00,840 --> 00:52:04,360
Speaker 1: I'm kind of like talking to younger Melissa and healing

1058
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:08,080
Speaker 1: some of those relationships, which is good. I always struggle

1059
00:52:08,120 --> 00:52:10,239
Speaker 1: with my mental health in the winter, and I feel

1060
00:52:10,280 --> 00:52:13,360
Speaker 1: like we're finally coming out of the winter now, but

1061
00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:16,560
Speaker 1: there's a little bit of like repair that I need

1062
00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:20,080
Speaker 1: to do with relationships where I withdraw quite a bit

1063
00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:22,799
Speaker 1: in winter from friends and family and connections. So now

1064
00:52:22,800 --> 00:52:25,719
Speaker 1: I'm really you know, even with my husband, like we're

1065
00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:27,640
Speaker 1: trying to go out more and have more date nights

1066
00:52:27,680 --> 00:52:30,120
Speaker 1: and do more fun things. So you know, I'm working

1067
00:52:30,160 --> 00:52:34,120
Speaker 1: on that. The things with Whole thirty are fantastic in

1068
00:52:34,200 --> 00:52:36,960
Speaker 1: terms of the impact, but there's always, you know, it's

1069
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:39,920
Speaker 1: a business, there's like always stuff that's going sideways, so

1070
00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:43,160
Speaker 1: you're always kind of like trying to figure that out

1071
00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:44,919
Speaker 1: on the fly. I am working on the next Whole

1072
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:47,680
Speaker 1: thirty book right now, so being on deadline again is

1073
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:50,520
Speaker 1: so stressful. And I have bad dreams about book deadlines

1074
00:52:50,560 --> 00:52:53,919
Speaker 1: every time I write one, so that's happening. But yeah,

1075
00:52:53,960 --> 00:52:57,040
Speaker 1: and I'm I'm working on some of my physical fitness again.

1076
00:52:57,080 --> 00:52:59,719
Speaker 1: I've battled a respiratory infection for like six weeks over

1077
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:01,720
Speaker 1: the way winter that left me feeling like I couldn't

1078
00:53:01,719 --> 00:53:04,120
Speaker 1: even walk up a flight of stairs. So I'm just

1079
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:06,360
Speaker 1: you know, getting back into the gym and rebuilding that

1080
00:53:06,520 --> 00:53:09,840
Speaker 1: like kind of slowly and being super graceful with myself. Yeah,

1081
00:53:09,880 --> 00:53:11,400
Speaker 1: thank you for that vulnerability.

1082
00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:15,360
Speaker 3: And I think also when it comes to your note

1083
00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:18,240
Speaker 3: about the going in and out of therapy, that's something

1084
00:53:18,239 --> 00:53:20,319
Speaker 3: that we don't talk about a lot, that that is

1085
00:53:20,360 --> 00:53:24,160
Speaker 3: actually like a pretty regular and super normal practice that

1086
00:53:24,200 --> 00:53:26,360
Speaker 3: we should be okay with. People say, well, I was

1087
00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:28,799
Speaker 3: in therapy and now I'm taking a break, Like, yes,

1088
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:31,360
Speaker 3: take a break. Do what you need to do for

1089
00:53:31,480 --> 00:53:33,799
Speaker 3: you to take care of your mental health. And when

1090
00:53:33,840 --> 00:53:36,439
Speaker 3: you get back to a sticking point where you say

1091
00:53:36,480 --> 00:53:37,480
Speaker 3: to yourself.

1092
00:53:37,320 --> 00:53:39,840
Speaker 1: You know what, something's not feeling right, then it's okay

1093
00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:43,440
Speaker 1: to go back. I think that's such a smart idea. Honestly,

1094
00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:47,080
Speaker 1: we can't. I can't work on myself twenty four seven

1095
00:53:47,120 --> 00:53:50,880
Speaker 1: three sixty five. It is exam like I need breaks

1096
00:53:50,920 --> 00:53:52,840
Speaker 1: from like thinking about my feelings and talking about my

1097
00:53:52,880 --> 00:53:54,960
Speaker 1: feelings and doing the work. Like I can't do that

1098
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:56,560
Speaker 1: all the time. I just want to like sometimes live

1099
00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:59,200
Speaker 1: my life and enjoy it. And also if I'm always

1100
00:53:59,239 --> 00:54:02,200
Speaker 1: in therapy, I never have the opportunity when my husband

1101
00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:03,680
Speaker 1: and I get into a conflict and I want to

1102
00:54:03,719 --> 00:54:06,040
Speaker 1: revert back to like my old behaviors, to go, Okay, wait,

1103
00:54:06,400 --> 00:54:08,560
Speaker 1: why am I feeling triggered? What skills have I learned?

1104
00:54:08,560 --> 00:54:10,480
Speaker 1: And how can I approach this differently? I want that

1105
00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:13,600
Speaker 1: opportunity to like test drive my skills. So my therapist

1106
00:54:13,640 --> 00:54:15,359
Speaker 1: and I have an understanding where I'll say, like, hey,

1107
00:54:15,400 --> 00:54:17,120
Speaker 1: I feel really good about this, think I'm going.

1108
00:54:17,080 --> 00:54:17,680
Speaker 2: To take a break.

1109
00:54:17,719 --> 00:54:19,640
Speaker 1: I will reach back out to you in a couple months,

1110
00:54:20,040 --> 00:54:21,680
Speaker 1: and I'll make sure that like it's not you know,

1111
00:54:21,760 --> 00:54:23,560
Speaker 1: I try to reach back out before there's some kind

1112
00:54:23,600 --> 00:54:26,400
Speaker 1: of emergency and she's like cool with that.

1113
00:54:27,160 --> 00:54:29,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think that also, you said, like I'm

1114
00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:30,960
Speaker 3: gonna let her know I'm going to take a break

1115
00:54:30,960 --> 00:54:33,600
Speaker 3: for a few months. Oftentimes, I've certainly had friends who

1116
00:54:33,640 --> 00:54:35,680
Speaker 3: have been like, oh, I feel so bad telling my

1117
00:54:35,719 --> 00:54:37,640
Speaker 3: therapists that I need to take a break, like this

1118
00:54:37,760 --> 00:54:40,480
Speaker 3: is a working relationship. Like if you have to take

1119
00:54:40,520 --> 00:54:42,760
Speaker 3: a break, like you get to say.

1120
00:54:42,560 --> 00:54:45,200
Speaker 1: That, yeah, I think that you should. I mean, especially

1121
00:54:45,280 --> 00:54:47,480
Speaker 1: if the idea of therapy is stressing you out more

1122
00:54:47,520 --> 00:54:49,759
Speaker 1: than it's relieving stress. We enter seasons in our life

1123
00:54:49,800 --> 00:54:51,880
Speaker 1: where we don't have the time, we might not have

1124
00:54:51,920 --> 00:54:54,759
Speaker 1: the financial resources, we might not have the energetic capacity

1125
00:54:54,800 --> 00:54:56,920
Speaker 1: to like unpack and start going through all that stuff

1126
00:54:56,920 --> 00:54:59,520
Speaker 1: in therapy. So yeah, so you don't have to worry

1127
00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:01,440
Speaker 1: about hurting your therapist feelings. If they're not the right

1128
00:55:01,440 --> 00:55:03,480
Speaker 1: therapist for you, you should tell them if you want

1129
00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:06,880
Speaker 1: to take a break, you should tell them. Yes, yes, yes, clearly.

1130
00:55:07,560 --> 00:55:09,920
Speaker 3: You were saying and I would totally co sign on

1131
00:55:09,960 --> 00:55:12,839
Speaker 3: this that for many myself included, those winter months can

1132
00:55:12,880 --> 00:55:15,000
Speaker 3: certainly be challenging. So I'm grateful that you and I

1133
00:55:15,040 --> 00:55:17,239
Speaker 3: are getting to do this at the very beginning of

1134
00:55:17,239 --> 00:55:19,440
Speaker 3: spring here where we might be a little bit better

1135
00:55:19,880 --> 00:55:25,120
Speaker 3: of a mental space. What else right now excites you, Melissa,

1136
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:28,520
Speaker 3: That's a really good question. I mean, work always excites me.

1137
00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:31,880
Speaker 3: I'm always excited about the possibility of new people discovering

1138
00:55:31,920 --> 00:55:35,880
Speaker 3: whole thirty That is really exciting. However, I feel like

1139
00:55:35,920 --> 00:55:38,839
Speaker 3: over the last year or two, I've come out of

1140
00:55:38,880 --> 00:55:41,759
Speaker 3: a mental health kind of fog or slump. My depression

1141
00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:43,520
Speaker 3: was really bad for a couple of years, to the

1142
00:55:43,560 --> 00:55:47,200
Speaker 3: point where I tried ketamine therapy, which was helpful. But

1143
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:50,560
Speaker 3: I feel like that, Yeah, that's like a whole nother conversation.

1144
00:55:50,800 --> 00:55:53,400
Speaker 3: It's very interesting to do Ketymine therapy as someone who

1145
00:55:53,520 --> 00:55:54,440
Speaker 3: used to be a drug addict.

1146
00:55:54,480 --> 00:55:56,680
Speaker 1: That was like, definitely, but it was very helpful. I

1147
00:55:56,680 --> 00:55:59,279
Speaker 1: found that it definitely pulled me out of my the

1148
00:55:59,320 --> 00:56:01,600
Speaker 1: worst of my life lumps. But I feel like over

1149
00:56:01,600 --> 00:56:04,040
Speaker 1: the last six months or so, I've really resurfaced and

1150
00:56:04,040 --> 00:56:07,480
Speaker 1: I'm starting to see more of the like open, wanting

1151
00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:10,120
Speaker 1: to be connected, wanting to be outgoing me than I

1152
00:56:10,120 --> 00:56:13,600
Speaker 1: have seen since the pandemic began. So I think what

1153
00:56:13,640 --> 00:56:16,279
Speaker 1: I'm excited about is like tapping into that energy. Right

1154
00:56:16,320 --> 00:56:18,919
Speaker 1: I'm seeing like light parting through the clouds, and I'm like, cool,

1155
00:56:18,960 --> 00:56:20,960
Speaker 1: let's take advantage of this. Do you want to meet

1156
00:56:21,000 --> 00:56:23,600
Speaker 1: for coffee? Can we do an outdoor yoga session? Can

1157
00:56:23,640 --> 00:56:25,520
Speaker 1: I take the dog for another walk? Like just that

1158
00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:29,040
Speaker 1: idea of feeling like I want to be more connected

1159
00:56:29,120 --> 00:56:31,160
Speaker 1: right now and then acting on that to be more

1160
00:56:31,200 --> 00:56:33,720
Speaker 1: connected to friends and family is I think.

1161
00:56:33,600 --> 00:56:35,960
Speaker 3: Really exciting for me, you know, as someone else who

1162
00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:39,560
Speaker 3: has certainly navigated my own situation with suppression, I think

1163
00:56:39,640 --> 00:56:42,960
Speaker 3: that that analogy is really powerful. And also this concept

1164
00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:45,560
Speaker 3: of like utilizing your potential when you truly feel like

1165
00:56:45,600 --> 00:56:48,719
Speaker 3: it is within you and not judging that one day

1166
00:56:48,800 --> 00:56:51,640
Speaker 3: you may feel like you have a greater bandwidth than another.

1167
00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:55,520
Speaker 3: I know that it's super easy to feel frustrated and

1168
00:56:55,719 --> 00:56:58,880
Speaker 3: angry and so many things on those low days, but

1169
00:56:59,040 --> 00:57:02,040
Speaker 3: really just making advantage and having grace with yourself to

1170
00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:03,919
Speaker 3: do the best you can with what you have, it's

1171
00:57:03,960 --> 00:57:06,040
Speaker 3: just such a beautiful and empowering message.

1172
00:57:06,280 --> 00:57:08,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've definitely learned to that for myself, and I've

1173
00:57:08,800 --> 00:57:10,360
Speaker 1: also learned to do that with the people that are

1174
00:57:10,400 --> 00:57:12,040
Speaker 1: close to me. So it's not unusual now for me

1175
00:57:12,080 --> 00:57:15,360
Speaker 1: to say to my husband, I love you, everything is great.

1176
00:57:15,480 --> 00:57:17,560
Speaker 1: I am having like a really rough mental health day,

1177
00:57:17,600 --> 00:57:20,640
Speaker 1: so if I'm I'm feeling disconnected, it's just that. Or

1178
00:57:20,680 --> 00:57:22,480
Speaker 1: I'll say to him, I would love to sit on

1179
00:57:22,480 --> 00:57:24,720
Speaker 1: the couch with you and like watch something together, but

1180
00:57:24,800 --> 00:57:27,000
Speaker 1: I'm really struggling to be connected right now, so like

1181
00:57:27,280 --> 00:57:29,800
Speaker 1: if we could just be alone together, that would be great.

1182
00:57:29,840 --> 00:57:32,160
Speaker 1: And he's, you know, really good about responding, and I

1183
00:57:32,160 --> 00:57:34,360
Speaker 1: feel like that allows me to give myself that grace,

1184
00:57:34,400 --> 00:57:37,440
Speaker 1: so I'm not worrying about what he's thinking or if

1185
00:57:37,440 --> 00:57:39,439
Speaker 1: I'm not showing up for him the right way. Yeah,

1186
00:57:39,480 --> 00:57:40,960
Speaker 1: it's been a work in process.

1187
00:57:40,560 --> 00:57:44,800
Speaker 3: Though, that communication though, is what's up?

1188
00:57:45,280 --> 00:57:47,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, we don't mess around in this house.

1189
00:57:47,160 --> 00:57:50,760
Speaker 2: We really don't. I love it. I love it. Okay.

1190
00:57:50,760 --> 00:57:52,800
Speaker 3: So as we start to wind down here, Melissa, I

1191
00:57:52,920 --> 00:57:55,520
Speaker 3: want to know right now, someone goes to your Instagram page,

1192
00:57:55,720 --> 00:58:00,400
Speaker 3: they like from their first scroll, they see a co founder,

1193
00:58:00,440 --> 00:58:04,520
Speaker 3: a CEO, someone with something over three hundred thousand followers.

1194
00:58:04,720 --> 00:58:07,080
Speaker 3: But when you look in the mirror, what is it

1195
00:58:07,120 --> 00:58:08,760
Speaker 3: that you see looking back at you?

1196
00:58:09,400 --> 00:58:11,919
Speaker 1: Okay, first thing I see is like, I'm thirty two.

1197
00:58:12,040 --> 00:58:14,240
Speaker 1: I am just thirty two inside my head, and the

1198
00:58:14,320 --> 00:58:17,120
Speaker 1: idea that like I am definitely going through menopause right now,

1199
00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:19,800
Speaker 1: or at least premenopause. Maybe we don't know, we never know,

1200
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:22,360
Speaker 1: but maybe that's what's happening. And I just bought my

1201
00:58:22,400 --> 00:58:25,320
Speaker 1: first pair of reading glasses. So like, officially, I would

1202
00:58:25,320 --> 00:58:28,000
Speaker 1: say I'm like an older person, but in my head,

1203
00:58:28,040 --> 00:58:32,680
Speaker 1: I'm still thirty two. I see someone who is relentlessly

1204
00:58:32,720 --> 00:58:36,120
Speaker 1: committed to showing up as me all the time. That

1205
00:58:36,280 --> 00:58:39,080
Speaker 1: is something that I decided many years ago when I

1206
00:58:39,120 --> 00:58:41,560
Speaker 1: started to have more of a public presence and I

1207
00:58:41,640 --> 00:58:44,560
Speaker 1: realized that other people's compliments could really fill me up,

1208
00:58:44,560 --> 00:58:46,960
Speaker 1: but other people's criticisms could really tear me down. I

1209
00:58:47,000 --> 00:58:49,960
Speaker 1: decided the only thing I really can't mess up is

1210
00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:53,160
Speaker 1: showing up as me. And I have this big platform,

1211
00:58:53,360 --> 00:58:55,000
Speaker 1: and I think one of the best things about it

1212
00:58:55,040 --> 00:58:56,400
Speaker 1: is that I get to use it to talk about

1213
00:58:56,400 --> 00:58:58,280
Speaker 1: my values and the things that are meaningful to me

1214
00:58:58,320 --> 00:59:00,840
Speaker 1: and important to my community. So I don't away from that.

1215
00:59:01,240 --> 00:59:02,920
Speaker 1: When I look at it, I see me if you

1216
00:59:02,960 --> 00:59:04,880
Speaker 1: met me in person, I'm not any different than the

1217
00:59:04,880 --> 00:59:07,040
Speaker 1: way that I show up online. And people tell me

1218
00:59:07,120 --> 00:59:08,880
Speaker 1: that all the time, and I consider it. I think

1219
00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:13,120
Speaker 1: one of the best compliments. Why is that because it

1220
00:59:13,240 --> 00:59:17,320
Speaker 1: means that I'm doing a very good job honoring me.

1221
00:59:17,800 --> 00:59:20,360
Speaker 1: It means that I'm no longer trying to image craft

1222
00:59:20,400 --> 00:59:23,040
Speaker 1: to get other people's approval. I'm no longer hiding pieces

1223
00:59:23,080 --> 00:59:27,200
Speaker 1: of myself that feel shameful or less than or imperfect.

1224
00:59:27,280 --> 00:59:31,640
Speaker 1: It means that you know, no matter where I'm showing up,

1225
00:59:31,720 --> 00:59:34,080
Speaker 1: you are actually meeting like me where I am in

1226
00:59:34,120 --> 00:59:36,240
Speaker 1: that moment. That feels really good. Takes a lot of

1227
00:59:36,280 --> 00:59:36,880
Speaker 1: pressure off.

1228
00:59:37,520 --> 00:59:39,040
Speaker 2: It does take a lot of the pressure off.

1229
00:59:39,040 --> 00:59:42,120
Speaker 3: It's an exercise I do often in some of the

1230
00:59:42,160 --> 00:59:45,520
Speaker 3: workshops that I run, prompting if you were to walk

1231
00:59:45,560 --> 00:59:47,800
Speaker 3: into a room and you only had fifteen minutes with

1232
00:59:47,880 --> 00:59:50,000
Speaker 3: a group of new people, and then you walk out

1233
00:59:50,040 --> 00:59:53,480
Speaker 3: of the room, what would their impression be of you?

1234
00:59:53,640 --> 00:59:55,800
Speaker 2: And is it who you want to be? Is it

1235
00:59:55,840 --> 00:59:58,240
Speaker 2: who you think that you are? Right?

1236
00:59:58,320 --> 01:00:01,920
Speaker 3: And that can be really challenged, right because oftentimes, especially

1237
01:00:01,960 --> 01:00:05,160
Speaker 3: with new situations, we will walk in with a guard up,

1238
01:00:05,200 --> 01:00:08,200
Speaker 3: and the question is why why is your guard up?

1239
01:00:08,640 --> 01:00:12,080
Speaker 1: I think again, as women, we so want to be liked,

1240
01:00:12,400 --> 01:00:14,680
Speaker 1: and we are so conditioned that we have to show

1241
01:00:14,760 --> 01:00:16,640
Speaker 1: up in a certain way to be liked. But like,

1242
01:00:16,680 --> 01:00:20,720
Speaker 1: if you had asked me that question fifteen years ago,

1243
01:00:20,800 --> 01:00:22,200
Speaker 1: I would have said, oh, I would want them to

1244
01:00:22,200 --> 01:00:25,160
Speaker 1: go walk away saying she's so smart, she's so well spoken,

1245
01:00:25,880 --> 01:00:27,960
Speaker 1: she's so pulled together. And if you ask me now,

1246
01:00:28,240 --> 01:00:30,200
Speaker 1: I would want them to say as I walked away,

1247
01:00:30,200 --> 01:00:33,080
Speaker 1: like wow, she's a really good listener. Oh she like

1248
01:00:33,440 --> 01:00:35,479
Speaker 1: I really liked her energy. Like That's what I would

1249
01:00:35,480 --> 01:00:37,840
Speaker 1: want them to say. So you know, I'll probably have

1250
01:00:37,880 --> 01:00:40,320
Speaker 1: a different answer ten years from now, but I definitely

1251
01:00:40,320 --> 01:00:44,840
Speaker 1: think I am showing up with boundaries, but not guarded. Right.

1252
01:00:45,040 --> 01:00:48,000
Speaker 1: We don't have walls, we have fences. My fences are solid,

1253
01:00:48,360 --> 01:00:50,040
Speaker 1: but I am showing up like what do they call it?

1254
01:00:50,120 --> 01:00:51,400
Speaker 1: Kind of strong spine, open heart.

1255
01:00:52,080 --> 01:00:54,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that. I love that you fence.

1256
01:00:54,240 --> 01:00:56,520
Speaker 3: You're like Wilson looking over the fence, trying to help

1257
01:00:56,560 --> 01:00:58,280
Speaker 3: everybody else with all of their boundaries.

1258
01:00:58,400 --> 01:01:00,840
Speaker 2: What's the boundary that you're working on right now.

1259
01:01:00,680 --> 01:01:04,760
Speaker 1: Melissa, Oh, it's really with work. I mean I'm struggling

1260
01:01:04,800 --> 01:01:06,600
Speaker 1: a bit more with work right now because I'm on

1261
01:01:06,680 --> 01:01:08,760
Speaker 1: book deadline, which means I have to say no to

1262
01:01:08,840 --> 01:01:11,480
Speaker 1: a lot more things like podcasts like this. But then

1263
01:01:11,520 --> 01:01:13,680
Speaker 1: I get an invitation like this and I'm like really

1264
01:01:13,720 --> 01:01:17,160
Speaker 1: excited about and I'm like, Okay, I'll say yes to this,

1265
01:01:17,200 --> 01:01:18,520
Speaker 1: And I know it's going to mean that I might

1266
01:01:18,560 --> 01:01:20,320
Speaker 1: have to like go in a little bit early one

1267
01:01:20,400 --> 01:01:22,400
Speaker 1: day or stay a little bit late. So there's always

1268
01:01:22,400 --> 01:01:25,439
Speaker 1: that tension between you know, wanting to say yes because

1269
01:01:25,440 --> 01:01:27,320
Speaker 1: it's either a good opportunity or it's going to be fun,

1270
01:01:27,400 --> 01:01:30,320
Speaker 1: and saying no to protect my capacity and my work time.

1271
01:01:30,760 --> 01:01:33,120
Speaker 1: That's always a struggle, but it's an especially struggle when

1272
01:01:33,120 --> 01:01:34,080
Speaker 1: I'm on a deadline.

1273
01:01:34,480 --> 01:01:36,720
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, that's totally understandable.

1274
01:01:37,040 --> 01:01:39,600
Speaker 3: Well, I'm so truly happy that we were able to

1275
01:01:39,600 --> 01:01:42,680
Speaker 3: make this happen. I have been wanting to have you

1276
01:01:42,720 --> 01:01:45,080
Speaker 3: on the show for what feels like forever now. So

1277
01:01:45,240 --> 01:01:47,920
Speaker 3: truly when I say your time means the world to me,

1278
01:01:48,040 --> 01:01:50,920
Speaker 3: it really does. How we wind down here on hurdle

1279
01:01:51,000 --> 01:01:53,680
Speaker 3: right now, I'm going to ask you, looking back at

1280
01:01:53,680 --> 01:01:58,360
Speaker 3: that hurdle moment of you going back into rehabs, struggling

1281
01:01:58,720 --> 01:02:02,400
Speaker 3: with your try and past substance addiction, you have an

1282
01:02:02,440 --> 01:02:05,280
Speaker 3: opportunity to offer yourself a piece of advice.

1283
01:02:05,680 --> 01:02:09,880
Speaker 2: Knowing what you know, now, what do you tell yourself?

1284
01:02:10,280 --> 01:02:12,800
Speaker 1: Sixteen year old Melissa would not have listened, but imagining

1285
01:02:12,840 --> 01:02:15,480
Speaker 1: that she did, I would say, trust yourself. You have

1286
01:02:15,600 --> 01:02:18,560
Speaker 1: received nothing but messages your whole life that you can't

1287
01:02:18,600 --> 01:02:21,840
Speaker 1: trust yourself. You've received those messages from every outside influence.

1288
01:02:22,080 --> 01:02:24,600
Speaker 1: Always listen to yourself, Always put your own needs and

1289
01:02:24,640 --> 01:02:28,080
Speaker 1: feelings first. Always trust your gut like you are trustworthy.

1290
01:02:28,160 --> 01:02:29,280
Speaker 1: That's the message I would send.

1291
01:02:29,920 --> 01:02:32,360
Speaker 3: I love it, Melissa Urvin again, so happy that we

1292
01:02:32,400 --> 01:02:34,800
Speaker 3: were able to do this. If they don't follow you

1293
01:02:35,160 --> 01:02:36,880
Speaker 3: just yet, how do the hurdlers keep up with you?

1294
01:02:36,920 --> 01:02:39,360
Speaker 2: How do they follow along with you? Give us the details?

1295
01:02:39,480 --> 01:02:42,920
Speaker 1: Yes, I am at Melissa, you on Instagram. My website

1296
01:02:42,960 --> 01:02:46,880
Speaker 1: is Melissaye dot com. I'm on TikTok Melissa underscore you.

1297
01:02:47,400 --> 01:02:49,080
Speaker 1: Those are all the great places to find me.

1298
01:02:49,680 --> 01:02:50,120
Speaker 2: Amazing.

1299
01:02:50,240 --> 01:02:53,440
Speaker 3: I'm over at Hurdle Podcast and at Emily Abodi another

1300
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Speaker 3: hurdle conquered.

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Speaker 2: Catch you guys, next time

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Speaker 1: To