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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 2: I want you to know that whatever is that you

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Speaker 2: just got done yes with, you are still loved, You

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Speaker 2: are still valuable, You are still worthy. Because you are

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Speaker 2: there is nothing that you could do in this world

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Speaker 2: that would remove your work or your value from you.

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Speaker 2: It's who you are. You were born with this value

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Speaker 2: and no one can take it away, not even you.

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Speaker 1: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

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Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit cultivatinghurspace dot com to access our

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Speaker 1: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 3: women like you.

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Speaker 2: We're your hosts.

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Speaker 3: Doctor Dominique Broussard, a college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 4: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 4: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 4: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 4: fibroids to fake friends, and create a safe space where

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Speaker 4: black women can just be.

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Speaker 3: Hey, Lady's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her Space podcast.

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Speaker 3: Are you currently a resident of the state of California

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Speaker 3: in contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so, please

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Speaker 3: reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brussard dot com.

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Speaker 3: That's Dr Domi ni Que b r ou Ssard dot

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Speaker 3: com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I look

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Speaker 3: forward to hearing from.

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Speaker 4: You, lady. Today. We're diving into a story of resilience, courage,

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Speaker 4: and transformation, all while focusing on a topic that disproportionately

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Speaker 4: impacts Black women compared to women of other races and ethnicities.

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Speaker 4: Our guest, Bianca Ordnias, is not just a mother and advocate.

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Speaker 4: She's a survivor living with HIV. She's not only overcoming

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Speaker 4: that challenges, but also thriving and working tirelessly to break

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Speaker 4: the stigma surrounding is often isolating and misunderstood diagnosis. Bianca,

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Speaker 4: Welcome to Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 2: Hi Terry, Hi doctor don Thank you so much for

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Speaker 2: having me. It's hones free and honor to be here.

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Speaker 4: We're so excited to have you, Bianca. Thank you.

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Speaker 3: Yes, we are definitely looking forward to this very important conversation.

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Speaker 3: And as we get ready to dive in, we are

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Speaker 3: I'm going to share the quote of the day, and Bianca,

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Speaker 3: this quote will sound familiar to you because these are

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Speaker 3: your words. Oh my, the pain of healing today is

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Speaker 3: worth the peace and freedom you'll feel tomorrow. And I'm

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Speaker 3: gonna say that again, Yes you did, and I will

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Speaker 3: say it again one more time for the people in

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Speaker 3: the back so that they can really sit with those

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Speaker 3: powerful words. The pain of healing today is worth the

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Speaker 3: peace and freedom you'll feel tomorrow. Now, Bianca, before we

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Speaker 3: dive into your story, when you hear the quote of

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Speaker 3: the day, your words reflected back to you and you

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Speaker 3: think about your experience, your story, your journey, what comes

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Speaker 3: up for you.

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Speaker 2: Honestly, I feel like I'm getting so emotional just thinking

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Speaker 2: about it, because sometimes when you're in when you're in it,

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Speaker 2: it's really hard to sit back and look at it

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Speaker 2: from like an outside perspective. No matter how mindful I

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Speaker 2: want to be or try to be, sometimes it takes

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Speaker 2: hearing it from someone else repeating those words back to

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Speaker 2: me as if they were the first thing that I've

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Speaker 2: ever heard them from me to really understand the impact,

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Speaker 2: because for me, I just feel like I'm doing what

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Speaker 2: I should be doing. I don't feel like I'm doing

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Speaker 2: anything grand or spectacular. I just feel like I'm doing

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Speaker 2: what I ought to be. And so I will say

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Speaker 2: that the journey is something that I've learned is that

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Speaker 2: if we're looking for a destination, then are we should

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Speaker 2: probably reconsider what we're doing and why we're on this journey,

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Speaker 2: because healing is forever. It is as long as we

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Speaker 2: are alive, and of course we get better things, we

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Speaker 2: integrate pain better, and we integrate experiences better so that

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Speaker 2: we're no longer rhythms to them, but we can kind

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Speaker 2: of use them as catalysts and things that empower us.

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Speaker 2: But the journey will continue. So if we ever think that, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I already healed from that, I mean, maybe we did,

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Speaker 2: and goord to God for that. But the healing journey

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Speaker 2: never really ends, and it's wise to look at ourselves

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Speaker 2: in a way that we are never ending work, because

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Speaker 2: I mean, that's kind of the purpose of life, I think,

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Speaker 2: to continue on this beautiful journey and ugly journey and

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Speaker 2: raw and all the things in between.

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Speaker 4: So it's a beautiful answer to Beianka. Thank you, and

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Speaker 4: we have a bunch of questions for you, but you

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Speaker 4: know from our intro and the episode title, our listeners

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Speaker 4: know what we're discussing today, right, But we want to

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Speaker 4: briefly touch on your origin story and who you are

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Speaker 4: before your HIV diagnosis, right, so maybe your upbringing or

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Speaker 4: any pivotal moments that happened that made you the woman

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Speaker 4: you are today.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, it's so funny though. I actually just posted the

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Speaker 2: YouTube video today talking about the first part of my testimony,

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Speaker 2: and this is something that I kind of was scared

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Speaker 2: to talk about. I don't know why, but I'm really

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Speaker 2: glad that you're asking this so before HIV. So I

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Speaker 2: think that it's a beautiful thing that you're asking because

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Speaker 2: a lot of people think, and you can tell by

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Speaker 2: the comments we read the comments. A lot of people

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Speaker 2: think that it's as simple as well, she's an adult,

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Speaker 2: she opened her legs to the wrong person. This is

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Speaker 2: what happens when you act a certain kind of way.

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Speaker 2: And while I don't disagree with that, I mean that

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Speaker 2: part of that is true. There is so much history

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Speaker 2: behind me and why I myself and why a person

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Speaker 2: makes a decision that they make, especially when it's not

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Speaker 2: the best decision for themselves. So I come from a

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Speaker 2: long history of sexual assault, childhood sexual assaults. In particular,

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Speaker 2: I am a survivor of childhood incests. And this is

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Speaker 2: something that happened in my family to all the women

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Speaker 2: in my generation, the generation before mine, and even to

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Speaker 2: my grandmother. I can't speak for her and for them,

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Speaker 2: but I do know that this is not something that's

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Speaker 2: new in my family, and what we did was kind

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Speaker 2: of just like sweep it under the rug. We don't

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Speaker 2: talk about it. What happens in the family stays within

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Speaker 2: the family. And something else that I grew up believing

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Speaker 2: is that therapy was not for us, that this is

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Speaker 2: not something that we did. If we went to therapy,

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Speaker 2: then we had issues and we're not like other people

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Speaker 2: that have issues, right, And this I think this is

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Speaker 2: kind of what I feel was probably the most pivotal

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Speaker 2: or the most important part of me becoming a person

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Speaker 2: who was self destructive and self hating and just made

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Speaker 2: really bad decisions was the fact that I held everything

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Speaker 2: in so it wasn't necessarily all the bad things that

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Speaker 2: happened to me because I did. My childhood was extremely traumatizing,

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Speaker 2: and that has its place in my story. But I

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Speaker 2: think it's the fact that I tried to hold it

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Speaker 2: all together and put a smile on my face like

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Speaker 2: nothing was wrong, and that I had to be strong.

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Speaker 2: I was. I'm the first of four siblings, so I

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Speaker 2: had to be strong for my siblings. My mom was

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Speaker 2: a single mom very early on. She had me at nineteen,

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Speaker 2: and so I felt like I just had to hold

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Speaker 2: a lot of weight for other people. When I was

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Speaker 2: supposed to just be a child, and I was supposed

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Speaker 2: to be protected, and I was supposed to be loved

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Speaker 2: and accepted and listened to. None of these things were

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Speaker 2: realities I experienced, and so I made myself believe that

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Speaker 2: these things were okay. And I think that due to that.

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Speaker 2: You know, we are in a place in science now

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Speaker 2: that we know that the body stores trauma. So even

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Speaker 2: if we don't talk about it, even if we don't

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Speaker 2: think about it or we are smiling and we feel

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Speaker 2: like everything's okay, eventually, at some point down the line,

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Speaker 2: all the things that we're storing is going to kind

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Speaker 2: of manifest in an outward expression and it's going to

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Speaker 2: take us by surprise, because's going to take the people

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Speaker 2: that we love by surprise, like who is this person?

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Speaker 2: And that is kind of what happened to me. My

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Speaker 2: childhood was very tumultuous, so with my teenagers, just a

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Speaker 2: lot of abuse and different types of substance abuse, a

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Speaker 2: lot of like kills and things that I was just

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Speaker 2: trying to numb all the pain. And I didn't realize

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Speaker 2: that that's what I was trying to do. I did

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Speaker 2: know that I needed help, and I asked for help

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Speaker 2: and I wasn't able to receive that from my you know,

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Speaker 2: my family, my parents, And something beautiful happened during this

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Speaker 2: entire time, and then I came to Jesus, you know,

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Speaker 2: I had an encounter with God. And even then, even

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Speaker 2: at that point, I didn't realize the work that needed

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Speaker 2: to be done because I thought that, okay, well I'm

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Speaker 2: a Christian now, you know, Jesus like cleanse my sins,

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Speaker 2: I am good. And I didn't realize that that's, you know, honey,

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Speaker 2: like I had to do work. And and still to

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Speaker 2: this day, it's like, you know, bringing all of my everything,

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Speaker 2: all of my baggage across every single day I just

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Speaker 2: thought it wasn't want and then deal until until it

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Speaker 2: started it started coming up again. And that's that was

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Speaker 2: kind that's that's kind of been the journey. Like it's

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Speaker 2: good for a little bit and then boom, something happens

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Speaker 2: and I'm triggered or or something and and then I'm

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Speaker 2: not good.

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Speaker 4: Hey lady, it's r here, Dom and I want to

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Speaker 4: take a moment to thank you for choosing to listen

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Speaker 4: to our podcast. We love you for real, and we

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Speaker 4: want to give you a chance to learn more about

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Speaker 4: what's important to us. So tell us what you think

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Speaker 4: about this.

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Speaker 3: Imagine a world where you have a chance to get

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Speaker 3: featured on the Cultivating her Space podcast and share your business,

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Speaker 3: brand or perspective with millions around the globe. Imagine joining

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Speaker 3: our monthly virtual video check ins where you can connect

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Speaker 3: with like minded black women like you and share your

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Speaker 3: ideas and episode suggestions with Terry and I. Now, I

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Speaker 3: want you to imagine a world where you're in the

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Speaker 3: exclusive Cultivating her Space sanctuary Slack channel, and throughout your

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Speaker 3: day and week, you are conversing with us about what's

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Speaker 3: happening in your life and sharing funny gifts and or

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Speaker 3: personal wins.

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Speaker 2: How does that sound.

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Speaker 4: Hopefully this is up your alley, lady, because we are

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Speaker 4: taking things to the next level of this year, and

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Speaker 4: we're doubling down on investing in our community. That means you.

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Speaker 4: We want to meet you, connect with you, and create

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Speaker 4: communities of genuine women who love on black women and

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Speaker 4: push our culture and movement forward. We launched this podcast

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Speaker 4: in twenty nineteen, and to date we have not missed

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Speaker 4: a week. We've been great stewards of our platform, all

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Speaker 4: while working full time and navigating our own ups and downs.

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Speaker 4: We release fresh new content every single Friday like clockwork,

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Speaker 4: and we have hundreds of valuable episodes and workshops that

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Speaker 4: can really help you up level your life. So if

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Speaker 4: you love our mission or you've gotten value from us,

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Speaker 4: this community effort forward. Visit Herspace podcast dot com and

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Speaker 4: and you can click that link that says Patreon. All right, lady,

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Speaker 4: we'll hop right back into the conversation.

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Speaker 3: Bianca, thank you so much for sharing all of that

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Speaker 3: and pointing out like there were multiple things that you

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Speaker 3: pointed out that I was like, Okay, wait, yes, yes,

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Speaker 3: step let's quote that, like, let's note that the trauma

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Speaker 3: trauma is stored in the body and that you can't

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Speaker 3: heal it if you if you don't see it, all right,

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Speaker 3: if you're not aware of it, you can't heal it.

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Speaker 3: And going to God one time and saying a few

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Speaker 3: prayers is not going to all of a sudden.

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Speaker 2: Fix it, right right.

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Speaker 3: That the healing process takes a lot of work, right, So,

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Speaker 3: and so I appreciate you sharing all of that, and

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Speaker 3: you know, I want to also acknowledge that you said

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Speaker 3: that you've experienced a lot of trauma growing up. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: you experienced a lot of things that no one should

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Speaker 3: ever have to experience. And one of those things that

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Speaker 3: you experienced was contracting HIV.

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Speaker 2: Yes, can you tell.

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Speaker 3: Us walk us through what it was like to receive

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Speaker 3: that diagnosis because I know we're taught. Okay, you like,

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Speaker 3: go and get tested and if you have multiple partners

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Speaker 3: get tested on a regular basis.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And.

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Speaker 3: I know that many people they go and they get

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Speaker 3: tested and there's a level of anxiety that comes up

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Speaker 3: as they are awaiting those results. Right, Can you walk

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Speaker 3: us through what that experience was like for you?

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Speaker 2: Absolutely? So. I think that part of the stigma and

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Speaker 2: the fear of the anxiety kind it is we we

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Speaker 2: like a narrative where we are kind of victims to

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Speaker 2: circumstances instead of a narrative where we're accountable for our circumstances.

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Speaker 2: And so oftentimes a lot of us do things that

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Speaker 2: maybe we're not proud of, what we know that we

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Speaker 2: shouldn't do, or things happen and it's much easier to

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Speaker 2: kind of blame an outside kind of force them to

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Speaker 2: just really look within and be like, Okay, why did

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Speaker 2: I do this? Like check in with yourself and check

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Speaker 2: in and be like, well, Okay, this wasn't the best

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Speaker 2: decision that I've made. Let's talk about this, let's journal

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Speaker 2: about this, Let's do some self reflection to see why

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Speaker 2: this happened. Because it's not about being perfect, but it's

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Speaker 2: about trying to make the best decisions. As many times

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Speaker 2: as we possibly can, and that will give us a

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Speaker 2: life that we are in love with and proud of

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Speaker 2: and feel quite fulfilled in because we are acting in

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Speaker 2: alignment with who we believe we are at our core.

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Speaker 2: And I think that that's something that's so important, because

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Speaker 2: you cannot act any differently than who you believe you are.

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Speaker 2: I believe like I was unlovable. I believed like I

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Speaker 2: was unworthy of love and protection and safety and healthy love,

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Speaker 2: and so that is how I behaved. I behaved according

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Speaker 2: to a person who was unworthy of these things. It

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Speaker 2: was kind of like like a confirmation bias. But I

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Speaker 2: knew that I was living a lifestyle that was risky.

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Speaker 2: I was also part of that journey was that I

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Speaker 2: was sex trafficked. And so even though I left the

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Speaker 2: situation that I was in, I left the pimp, I

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Speaker 2: still remained in that lifestyle because it was alluring and

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Speaker 2: I felt like I was too far gone, and it

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Speaker 2: just seemed like the safest thing for me to do

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Speaker 2: to protect the It was better for me to believe

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Speaker 2: that this is what I was capable of, for the

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Speaker 2: only thing that I was worthy of, instead of reflecting

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Speaker 2: and seeing that I was worthy of so much more

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Speaker 2: because and then I would be I would have to

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Speaker 2: hold myself accountable to the decisions that I made. And

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Speaker 2: so I actually got tested the day before that I

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Speaker 2: met the person that infected me with HIV. So while

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Speaker 2: I was always pretty nervous, I would say it was

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Speaker 2: not something that I was I wasn't negligent when it

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Speaker 2: came to getting tested, and I worked with other like

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Speaker 2: HIV AIDS organizations in the past, actually, so it wasn't

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Speaker 2: anything that I was too afraid of, not really, not

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Speaker 2: one hundred percent, never afraid enough to not get tested.

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Speaker 2: So I got tested the day before I met the

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Speaker 2: night that infected me with HIV, and I in between

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Speaker 2: the three months from March eleventh, the day that I

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Speaker 2: got tested to I don't know that was city. I

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Speaker 2: mean that I was five, I can't okay. From March eleventh,

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Speaker 2: that day that I got tested, to June twenty eighth,

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Speaker 2: the day that I got diagnosed, however long it was

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Speaker 2: in between, I was experiencing a lot of scary symptoms

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Speaker 2: and a lot of crazy things, a lot of things

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Speaker 2: that I was not used to. I was experiencing it

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Speaker 2: in my body, and so the acute stay symptom of

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Speaker 2: HIV is very aggressive. Everyone is different, but if you

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Speaker 2: experienced in early stage symptoms, then it typically is very aggressive.

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Speaker 2: It feels like you like symptoms for about three and

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Speaker 2: a half weeks, sometimes a little bit longer, symtims a

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Speaker 2: little bit less, and you're just completely out of like

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Speaker 2: there's no ConTroll in your body, no amount of adult

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Speaker 2: talent out there who nothing is gonna make you feel better.

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Speaker 2: And I went to the doctor three times in between

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Speaker 2: that time, and I never got tested for HIV. They

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Speaker 2: tested me like I got tested pregnancy tested five times,

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Speaker 2: and I was telling them, I'm like, I'm not pregnant,

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Speaker 2: Like I know that I'm not pregnant. They tested me

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Speaker 2: for everything under the sun, strep, through everything, and they're like,

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Speaker 2: we can't there's nothing for us to tell you, Like,

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Speaker 2: you haven't tested positive for anything bacterial, so you're just

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Speaker 2: gonna have to wait this out. And so June comes along,

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Speaker 2: and I'm in a relationship with the person who infected

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Speaker 2: me at this point, and I know that my body's

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Speaker 2: not well. I know that I don't feel well, and

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Speaker 2: especially like my reproductive area is not feeling well. She's

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Speaker 2: talking to me and she's not happy, and I say, well,

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Speaker 2: let me just go to the clinic and get tested.

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Speaker 2: I've been monogamous this entire time, but I didn't have insurance,

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Speaker 2: and I already went to the hospital three times in

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Speaker 2: March or early April, during the time of my huge

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Speaker 2: station for myself. I was like, you know what, we're

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Speaker 2: not gonna We're just gonna go to the clinic. It's

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Speaker 2: free and maybe they'll give me some answers. And when

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Speaker 2: you go to get tested, and in the clinic in particular,

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Speaker 2: you do your rapid HIV exam. Once you get your results,

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Speaker 2: you're free to go, and then that's it. If you

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Speaker 2: get a call, you get a call and you come

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Speaker 2: back and that's it. But I've never I was waiting

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Speaker 2: to go. I was just waiting for them to be like, okay,

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Speaker 2: number once to three, four five, you can go ahead

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Speaker 2: and go. We need to contact We will call you.

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Speaker 2: And for the first time ever, obviously in my entire life,

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Speaker 2: they called my number and they escorted me to the

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Speaker 2: back room, and that's when they sat me down and

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Speaker 2: told me that I was HIV positive. As far as

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Speaker 2: how I felt, it's hard to say, because I had

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Speaker 2: already begun the journey of healing and just trying to

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Speaker 2: rewrite my story. So I think that everything happened right

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Speaker 2: on time, because had I been had it been like

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Speaker 2: six months earlier or even three months earlier, I would

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Speaker 2: have been a completely different person. And I don't think

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Speaker 2: that I would have responded as I guess well as

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Speaker 2: I did to it. I definitely broke down, I definitely

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Speaker 2: went to the cycle of grief and all these other things.

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Speaker 2: But a part of me was actually a little relieved

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Speaker 2: that there was finally some answer to why I was

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Speaker 2: so sick, because I honestly thought that I was going

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Speaker 2: to be, you know, giving prognosis of like how long

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Speaker 2: I had left to live. That's how sick I was.

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Speaker 2: And so I was just very thankful that I'm like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: well this makes sense now, like there's there's a reasoning

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Speaker 2: to why I was so ill.

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Speaker 4: So yeah, again, Beyonca, thank you so much for sharing.

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Speaker 4: It's just so I just think it's a topic that

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Speaker 4: it's very taboo, right, we don't have people just aren't

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00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:37,359
Speaker 4: as comfortable sharing these stories. And so as you're sharing,

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Speaker 4: I'm thinking about situations in my life where I've had

365
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Speaker 4: friends reach out and you know, despair because of it,

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Speaker 4: you know, STI result or something like that. And so

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Speaker 4: I'm wondering if you can just provide maybe words of

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Speaker 4: wisdom or words of comfort for someone who might be

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Speaker 4: listening to this episode right now and maybe they just

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Speaker 4: got a positive result and they don't have anyone that

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Speaker 4: they can talk to, Like I feel like you're words

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Speaker 4: and something that you could share could be really hopeful

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Speaker 4: for that person that doesn't have anywhere to go, but

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Speaker 4: they're coping and sitting with this, this diagnosis by themselves.

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Speaker 4: Do you have anything that you would offer to that

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Speaker 4: person considering where you are in your journey today.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely. Before I answer that, I just realized that you

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Speaker 2: beautiful ladies are in like a landscape. Should I switch

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Speaker 2: my camera?

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Speaker 4: Like whatever is most comfortable for you? I sometimes, oh, yes,

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Speaker 4: well let's the landscape.

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Speaker 2: Okay, that's perfect.

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Speaker 4: Yes, there we go.

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Speaker 2: Okay, anyway, I'm sorry. Okay, So you just got diagnosed

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Speaker 2: with HIV or another incurable sud. You just got anything somebody,

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Speaker 2: even though some of these are durable. I want you

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Speaker 2: to know that whatever it is that you just got

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Speaker 2: diagnosed with, you are still loved, You are still valuable,

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Speaker 2: You are still worthy because you are. There is nothing

390
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Speaker 2: that you could do in this world that would remove

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Speaker 2: your worth or your value from you. It's who you are.

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Speaker 2: You were born with this value and no one can

393
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Speaker 2: take it away, not even you. And so with keeping

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00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:20,280
Speaker 2: that in mind, as you embark on this new journey,

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Speaker 2: I would say, really sit in with yourself and see

396
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:33,320
Speaker 2: how do you feel about yourself? How do you relate

397
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Speaker 2: to others in your world, in your environment, in your society,

398
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:43,280
Speaker 2: because the way that you view yourself will determine how

399
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:47,679
Speaker 2: you present yourself to others. And this life really is

400
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:51,719
Speaker 2: about others. It's not just about ourselves. It's about how

401
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:54,800
Speaker 2: we relate to others. It's about relationships. The first question,

402
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:56,320
Speaker 2: one of the first questions that I asked after I

403
00:24:56,359 --> 00:24:59,240
Speaker 2: got diagnoses, was like, okay, so can I have kids

404
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 2: like my It would be intimate again. That was the

405
00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:04,639
Speaker 2: first thing that was on my mind. Of course, after

406
00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:07,040
Speaker 2: them telling me that I wasn't going to die like

407
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:10,399
Speaker 2: that was the next thing on my mind. And so

408
00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:14,560
Speaker 2: it's not easy. You're never going to be the same

409
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:16,760
Speaker 2: person that you were before this. You're not going to

410
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:20,480
Speaker 2: be the same. So once you kind of accept that,

411
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Speaker 2: there's going to be a before HIV and then after HIV,

412
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Speaker 2: then you'll be able to really reflect on your life

413
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:31,280
Speaker 2: and reflect on your decisions and see how you can

414
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:36,360
Speaker 2: just become such a greater person because of this instead

415
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Speaker 2: of letting this kind of really bring you down. Because

416
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 2: the crazy thing about fear is that fear and shame

417
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:47,119
Speaker 2: and anger they're kind of all like closely related, like

418
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:51,640
Speaker 2: cousins or something like that. And so the greater your fear,

419
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:53,960
Speaker 2: the greater your shame, and typically the great of the shame,

420
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:57,720
Speaker 2: the greater the anger and their resentment. And everyone has

421
00:25:57,720 --> 00:25:59,320
Speaker 2: their own journey. You do not have to end up

422
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:02,560
Speaker 2: on a podcast me. You could just live your life.

423
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:05,000
Speaker 2: No one has to know, like the world doesn't have

424
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:08,840
Speaker 2: to know, but you can feel comfortable and still so

425
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:13,000
Speaker 2: proud of who you are even with a diagnosis like

426
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:17,720
Speaker 2: HIV or anything similar. So you got this. God loves you.

427
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Speaker 3: Yes, thank you for Thank you for sharing that. And

428
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Speaker 3: so you know, one of the things that you mentioned

429
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:30,160
Speaker 3: is that like, yeah, people can choose to not share it, right,

430
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:35,560
Speaker 3: like not to keep it to themselves and the people

431
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:40,120
Speaker 3: that they are intimate with, right. But Michael, what inspired

432
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Speaker 3: you to share your story publicly?

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Speaker 2: I think that I think that a part of that

434
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:50,080
Speaker 2: is everything that I went through growing up, like as

435
00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:53,600
Speaker 2: a child, having to keep everything in. I think that

436
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,879
Speaker 2: there's just this this thing about me that I can't

437
00:26:57,040 --> 00:27:01,919
Speaker 2: explain that just now refuses to keep sye about anything really,

438
00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:06,479
Speaker 2: And that's just a theory, I'm not sure, but a

439
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:10,600
Speaker 2: more I guess a more pressing reason was that when

440
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:14,119
Speaker 2: the person that affected me with HIV ended up getting sick,

441
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:17,960
Speaker 2: this person was a public figure so and had a

442
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:23,000
Speaker 2: huge following, like cults following, and some of my friends.

443
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:25,040
Speaker 2: I didn't follow this person anymore. I wanted to move on,

444
00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:28,359
Speaker 2: just you know, not really get involved at all. But

445
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:31,760
Speaker 2: I still still cared about this person very much. Once

446
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:34,080
Speaker 2: I left the relationship, there was still he still didn't

447
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:36,360
Speaker 2: go to the doctor, still didn't want to get on medication,

448
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:38,920
Speaker 2: still didn't even want to talk about HIV. Never said

449
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:41,439
Speaker 2: the word like, never said those letters, always called it

450
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:44,720
Speaker 2: negative energy. So when he ended up getting sick, there

451
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:49,679
Speaker 2: were comments people in like burner accounts saying that the

452
00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:52,919
Speaker 2: sympathy and the empathy was misplaced, that this person was

453
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:57,240
Speaker 2: intentionally infecting women with HIV, And in my mind that

454
00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:00,119
Speaker 2: still I was a little bit in denial. It was

455
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 2: a very it was a really narcissistic, manipulative relationship. So

456
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:06,959
Speaker 2: there were still a lot of things that I was

457
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:10,480
Speaker 2: processing even after leaving the relationship, and one of them

458
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:15,840
Speaker 2: was that I still wasn't completely convinced that he intentionally

459
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 2: infected me. I thought that this was just something that

460
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:21,880
Speaker 2: happened and that needed to happen to me because it happened,

461
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:26,080
Speaker 2: and I let it go. I didn't accuse him of anything.

462
00:28:26,119 --> 00:28:30,159
Speaker 2: I just wanted him to get help. And I didn't

463
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:32,440
Speaker 2: want to believe that it was intentional, because that would

464
00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:36,480
Speaker 2: mean that the entire relationship was not real, like never

465
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:41,760
Speaker 2: loved me, never cared about me. And when I found

466
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:45,640
Speaker 2: those comments and they were planting, like dozens of comments

467
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:50,160
Speaker 2: of people again of Burner accounts, accusing him of infecting

468
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:54,440
Speaker 2: them of HIV, I felt like, I felt like if

469
00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:56,400
Speaker 2: anyone was ever going to say anything, it was going

470
00:28:56,480 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 2: to be me. And so I wanted to meet these people.

471
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:03,680
Speaker 2: I wanted to meet the other his other day survivors,

472
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:08,120
Speaker 2: other women, what have you. And so I reached out

473
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:10,280
Speaker 2: to a mutual friend that we had that was also

474
00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:13,760
Speaker 2: in the same kind of niche that he was in

475
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:17,520
Speaker 2: and I explained to him my story and he said, well,

476
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 2: I'm going to help you. He had a huge platform.

477
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:22,480
Speaker 2: Then he's like, you're going to come on my life

478
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:24,480
Speaker 2: and we're going to talk about this. And through that

479
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 2: live I came in contact with five other women. And

480
00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:32,160
Speaker 2: that's that's the reason why.

481
00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:38,880
Speaker 4: It's so mind boggling, Bianca, that someone would intentionally do that, right,

482
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:40,200
Speaker 4: Like just I was taking a look at some of

483
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:42,680
Speaker 4: your videos on YouTube, and it just makes you think

484
00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:46,560
Speaker 4: about the space that that person was in to do

485
00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:49,520
Speaker 4: that to other people. And so the one question I

486
00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:51,720
Speaker 4: want to ask you about is I know that I

487
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:54,200
Speaker 4: believe you shared a video where you talked about the

488
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:56,200
Speaker 4: fact that you shared your status with the guy, and

489
00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:58,000
Speaker 4: I think he may have blogged you or ghosted you

490
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:00,880
Speaker 4: or something like that. But then to your current life,

491
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:03,920
Speaker 4: you're married, having me married with a baby. So I

492
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:06,960
Speaker 4: want to just talk about how did you share it

493
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:09,760
Speaker 4: with your partners and what tips and tools can you

494
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:12,040
Speaker 4: give folks that are listening if they want to disclose

495
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:12,880
Speaker 4: this to their partner.

496
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:16,360
Speaker 2: Absolutely well, so first and foremost, just like doctor Don

497
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:20,760
Speaker 2: was saying, like, disclosure is a personal choice, and what

498
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:23,760
Speaker 2: I mean by that is that not everyone has to know.

499
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:27,120
Speaker 2: Not even like this might be a little controversial, but like,

500
00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 2: if you are a person that dates, I don't know

501
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:31,160
Speaker 2: how to date. It was never something that I was

502
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:34,640
Speaker 2: good at. That wasn't my thing. But if you are

503
00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:37,600
Speaker 2: a person that knows how to date and date like

504
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:40,160
Speaker 2: in a healthy manner, like go on a first date

505
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:42,080
Speaker 2: in a second day, things like that, I want to

506
00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:43,920
Speaker 2: even tell someone on the first date and if I

507
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:48,800
Speaker 2: didn't feel comfortable because unless again here being intimate, we're

508
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:51,600
Speaker 2: talking about a non intimate type of setting. You do

509
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 2: not have to tell everyone that you meet the first

510
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:55,920
Speaker 2: time that you're sitting in front of them. You do

511
00:30:56,000 --> 00:31:00,560
Speaker 2: not know what kind of mental space they're in, and honestly,

512
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:03,400
Speaker 2: you don't owe it to them. At the end of

513
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:06,920
Speaker 2: the day, when you're getting to know someone, you share.

514
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:09,240
Speaker 2: You don't want to overshare. This is not like a

515
00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:12,920
Speaker 2: oversharing is that a good thing? And so when you

516
00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:16,880
Speaker 2: share yourself with the person is because this person has

517
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:19,760
Speaker 2: showed you that they can hold space for you, and

518
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:22,960
Speaker 2: you should not share. The one thing that I will

519
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,600
Speaker 2: say about disclosure is that you should not share in

520
00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 2: the hopes that a person accepts you. When you're sharing

521
00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:32,000
Speaker 2: your status and you're disposed in your status. You're disposing

522
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,880
Speaker 2: it because you want them to know befool you, not

523
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:37,920
Speaker 2: because you want them to accept you. No one has

524
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:40,720
Speaker 2: to accept you. You can very well share your status

525
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:43,280
Speaker 2: like I did and get blocked and get ghosted and

526
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:46,840
Speaker 2: reject it, and they are completely entitled to do that.

527
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:50,320
Speaker 2: Is it like a crappy feeling, Yes, because there are

528
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,920
Speaker 2: better ways of going about it. Yes, But the truth

529
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:56,240
Speaker 2: of the matter is is that you can't really you

530
00:31:56,320 --> 00:32:01,520
Speaker 2: can't force anyone to commend you for being honest. I mean,

531
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:05,920
Speaker 2: it would be nice in an ideal world, but the

532
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:08,960
Speaker 2: truth is is that there's still a great stigma surrounding that.

533
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:12,840
Speaker 2: So you are in your disclosure, and in the way

534
00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:17,400
Speaker 2: that you disclose, you are effectively helping end the stigma

535
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:20,440
Speaker 2: because you are so sure of who you are and

536
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:23,520
Speaker 2: you are not ashamed of who you are, and that

537
00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:26,960
Speaker 2: is the beauty. In disclosing, You are sharing a part

538
00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:30,600
Speaker 2: of yourself and whoever gets to know that part of

539
00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:34,160
Speaker 2: yourself should consider themselves extremely lucky to get to know

540
00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 2: you at that level, because that is something that is

541
00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:40,320
Speaker 2: very close to your heart and very intimate. So that's

542
00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:43,760
Speaker 2: what I would say about disclosure, except yourself first, before

543
00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:47,160
Speaker 2: you expect someone else to accept you, Because even if

544
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:49,239
Speaker 2: the world rejects you, you still know that you are

545
00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:50,920
Speaker 2: loved because you love yourself.

546
00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:58,520
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for that response. I appreciate, like

547
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:03,400
Speaker 3: the acknowledgement one of the emotional safety that is required

548
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:09,120
Speaker 3: in disclosing, whether it's your HIV status or anything that

549
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:13,640
Speaker 3: is deeply important to you, the level of emotional safety

550
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:18,240
Speaker 3: that's needed in a relationship, and that's not there on

551
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 3: the first date, Like that, that's.

552
00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:22,120
Speaker 2: Just not there.

553
00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:27,760
Speaker 3: We're being honest, that's not But also recognizing that once

554
00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:32,520
Speaker 3: you do decide that either one you feel the emotional

555
00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:35,680
Speaker 3: safety and you want to share, or two that you

556
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:44,160
Speaker 3: are ready to be sexually intimate with someone. For you,

557
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:49,680
Speaker 3: what are some tips in terms of starting that conversation?

558
00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:59,920
Speaker 2: Well, for me, anytime that I've ever started that car

559
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:04,520
Speaker 2: with someone that I am romantically interested in, I've always

560
00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:08,680
Speaker 2: started it very afraid and not afraid for my safety

561
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:12,359
Speaker 2: and not afraid for not afraid from my personhood. But

562
00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:16,360
Speaker 2: the fact that I'm being vulnerable vulnerability is super scary.

563
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:20,640
Speaker 2: Whoeversus vulnerability is like not scary, Probably hasn't spent too

564
00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:23,000
Speaker 2: much time in the arena, like doctor Brine Brown says,

565
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:26,320
Speaker 2: because it is scary. It doesn't even it is scary.

566
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:29,880
Speaker 2: So I did it afraid, and I did it because

567
00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:32,759
Speaker 2: I felt that it was way more important for me

568
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:36,320
Speaker 2: to share something that is could be a deal breaker

569
00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:40,960
Speaker 2: to someone in the beginning than not share and then

570
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:44,799
Speaker 2: them finding out and hating me in the process. So

571
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:47,440
Speaker 2: I do it out of respect for myself, because of

572
00:34:47,520 --> 00:34:50,080
Speaker 2: who I am and the integrity that I hold myself to,

573
00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:55,440
Speaker 2: and also because I mean, I just don't think that

574
00:34:55,640 --> 00:35:00,359
Speaker 2: it would ever be wise to start a relationship with

575
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:03,040
Speaker 2: such a lie, because it'll just you'll just have to

576
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:07,480
Speaker 2: continue lying. But anyway, any tips, there's none. You just

577
00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:09,719
Speaker 2: got to go for it. You got to go for it,

578
00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:14,680
Speaker 2: and just know that whatever happens, you will be Okay.

579
00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:18,319
Speaker 2: The worst that can happen is no, but you will

580
00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:20,799
Speaker 2: still be here. You will still be who you are.

581
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:24,600
Speaker 2: You'll still be that girl, that guy thriving loved. Your

582
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:26,920
Speaker 2: family or your support system is still going to have

583
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:29,879
Speaker 2: your back, and that's it. You're going to continue going

584
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:31,919
Speaker 2: I mean dating, as hurt as it is. I mean,

585
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:34,279
Speaker 2: I feel like for me, HIV made it a little

586
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:39,160
Speaker 2: bit easier because it very it cut down the waste

587
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:42,160
Speaker 2: of time. You know, the guy that I told you that,

588
00:35:42,239 --> 00:35:44,160
Speaker 2: he blocked me right away and I was like, oh, well,

589
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:47,360
Speaker 2: I was very devastated. My ego was hurt, my ego

590
00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:50,000
Speaker 2: was not having a hey. But then I said back

591
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:52,440
Speaker 2: and I was just like, wow, all the time that

592
00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:55,960
Speaker 2: I've wasted. I mean I've wasted probably collectively years in

593
00:35:56,760 --> 00:36:03,839
Speaker 2: relationship situationships, you know, in message that I didn't have

594
00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:06,799
Speaker 2: no business being. And when it came to this, I mean,

595
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:11,680
Speaker 2: I'm yeah, like, I've been in my relationship five years,

596
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:15,040
Speaker 2: we're happily married, have a child, and so the longest

597
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:16,759
Speaker 2: relationship I've ever been in my entire life. If you

598
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:20,800
Speaker 2: look at that and so and the healthiest hope is there, Guys,

599
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:26,520
Speaker 2: I think that, Yeah, it's really all about what you

600
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:28,120
Speaker 2: feel like you deserve.

601
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:31,960
Speaker 4: That is so beautiful. Thank you so much, Bianca, and

602
00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:35,040
Speaker 4: I didn't know you were going to come preaching on

603
00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:37,880
Speaker 4: a Monday. You turn through all these gems, but I

604
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:40,240
Speaker 4: wanted to ask you, can you talk to us about

605
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:45,320
Speaker 4: the significance of being undetectable and the misconceptions about HIV

606
00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:49,839
Speaker 4: and AIDS because of two different diagnosis correct.

607
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:58,040
Speaker 2: Okay, sir okay. So being undetectable okay. Undetectable basically means

608
00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:02,440
Speaker 2: that you're thevirus that is that's found in the blood

609
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:07,240
Speaker 2: is suppressed. There is very little amounts of virus found

610
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:10,200
Speaker 2: in the blood and once there is less depending on

611
00:37:10,239 --> 00:37:13,600
Speaker 2: the exams that we take, sometimes it's less than twenty copies,

612
00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:16,799
Speaker 2: sometimes it's less than ten copies. But it basically means

613
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:20,000
Speaker 2: that it cannot be quantified in an exam. So the

614
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,600
Speaker 2: virus is still there, but it can't be quantified, So

615
00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:25,799
Speaker 2: your viral load is undetectable. When you have a detectable

616
00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:28,520
Speaker 2: viral load, that means that you know there's still a

617
00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:30,560
Speaker 2: significant amount of virus in the blood and that you

618
00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:34,279
Speaker 2: still can pass it to other people. And not only that,

619
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:37,760
Speaker 2: but your immune system is still not fully in the clear.

620
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:40,920
Speaker 2: So when it comes to being undetectable, I think that

621
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:44,120
Speaker 2: the first thing that we need to realize or talk

622
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:47,279
Speaker 2: about is that the person, the person who's hoasting this

623
00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:51,480
Speaker 2: HIV in their body, they are safe, they are healthy.

624
00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:54,960
Speaker 2: One of the greatest I would say that accomplishments, but

625
00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:57,000
Speaker 2: one of the things that I was most excited for

626
00:37:57,239 --> 00:38:00,359
Speaker 2: was to reach that undetectable status because I I wanted

627
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:03,719
Speaker 2: to celebrate, like my immune system being back on track

628
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:07,480
Speaker 2: and just being completely healthy and ready to fight whatever

629
00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:10,839
Speaker 2: virus or whatever back to here may come its way.

630
00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:15,080
Speaker 2: So that's Number one, I'm healthy and I'm going to

631
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:18,279
Speaker 2: remain healthy so long as I take my medication as prescribed.

632
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:20,840
Speaker 2: Number two, it means that the people around me and

633
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:22,880
Speaker 2: the people that I'm like, the person that I'm intimate

634
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:28,040
Speaker 2: with is also safe. So there is virtually no risk

635
00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:31,680
Speaker 2: of him acquiring the virus. I say virtually, that's what

636
00:38:31,719 --> 00:38:35,279
Speaker 2: they say. Anything could happen, but there has been zero,

637
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:39,279
Speaker 2: zero transmissions from a person who is undetectable to a

638
00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:44,520
Speaker 2: person who is HIV negative. And so now when it

639
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:49,279
Speaker 2: comes to the difference between HIV and AIDS, this is

640
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:53,000
Speaker 2: something that I actually just kind of grasp myself not

641
00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:58,440
Speaker 2: too long ago, is that AIDS and undetectable they are

642
00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:01,960
Speaker 2: part of the same spects, just different ends of the spectrum.

643
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:04,560
Speaker 2: So AIDS is not a different type of virus. In

644
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:08,320
Speaker 2: order to acquire AIDS, you need to have HIV. And

645
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:11,520
Speaker 2: what AID means is that your immune system is not

646
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:14,719
Speaker 2: doing well. You have less than two hundred copies of

647
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:17,960
Speaker 2: CD four cells, and you're basically at risk for acquiring

648
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:20,719
Speaker 2: any kind of virus, any kind of bacteria, and your

649
00:39:20,719 --> 00:39:23,120
Speaker 2: body will not be able to fight it. Even the

650
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:25,799
Speaker 2: smallest hold, your body won't be able to fight it.

651
00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 2: The opposite end of the spectrum is being undetectable, so

652
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:34,120
Speaker 2: it's still in the HIV spectrum, and having AIDS is not.

653
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:39,040
Speaker 2: It just means more virus, that's really all. It means

654
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 2: more uncontrolled virus, and you're just basically at risk and

655
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:46,719
Speaker 2: putting other people at risk if you're having sex or

656
00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:51,680
Speaker 2: doing drugs or getting facials. Apparently you know it's just

657
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:55,280
Speaker 2: you run the risk of infecting other people, but also

658
00:39:55,320 --> 00:40:00,760
Speaker 2: mainly you run the risk of eventually allowing the virus

659
00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:04,520
Speaker 2: to become fatal in your body. So it's not like

660
00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:06,560
Speaker 2: dirty or anything. Because I know that there's like this

661
00:40:06,719 --> 00:40:13,960
Speaker 2: like grossness surrounding AIDS, and that's kind of the stigma

662
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:16,120
Speaker 2: that was really strong in the eighties, and I think

663
00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:19,080
Speaker 2: it was just because people were really afraid and so

664
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:21,680
Speaker 2: definitely be afraid of AIDS, but also be afraid of

665
00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:26,000
Speaker 2: any type of HIV. If it's not undetectable, you do

666
00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:28,799
Speaker 2: not have to have AIDS in order to be extremely

667
00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:33,799
Speaker 2: contagious to other people. Anything that's undetectable should be I

668
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:36,840
Speaker 2: would say, and try to be rectified so that the

669
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:38,360
Speaker 2: virus is completely suppressed.

670
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:44,800
Speaker 3: Thank you for clarifying that. And so we have a

671
00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:47,960
Speaker 3: couple of other clarifying questions as well, right, because there's

672
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:50,560
Speaker 3: a lot of terms that people use, and so we

673
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:53,200
Speaker 3: want to make sure that people are understanding. Right. So,

674
00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:58,120
Speaker 3: you know, you said that HIV is a spectrum from

675
00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:05,600
Speaker 3: being dorm to being undetectable to AIDS. Now, there's also

676
00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:10,480
Speaker 3: the word dormant that people use, and then you said suppression,

677
00:41:10,920 --> 00:41:13,799
Speaker 3: and so what does it mean for HIV to be

678
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:16,720
Speaker 3: dormant and what does suppression mean? And where do those

679
00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:18,759
Speaker 3: fall on the spectrum?

680
00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:22,560
Speaker 2: Right, So this is great because a lot of people,

681
00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:24,640
Speaker 2: I mean, I didn't know this until I started, you know,

682
00:41:24,719 --> 00:41:26,800
Speaker 2: talking about it, but a lot of people do say dormant.

683
00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:30,440
Speaker 2: And there is a very difference between dormant and suppression

684
00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:33,360
Speaker 2: because dormant just basically means that it's asleep and it

685
00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:36,480
Speaker 2: can wake up at any moment. So when HIV is

686
00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:39,640
Speaker 2: considered dormant, it just basically means that it's after the

687
00:41:39,719 --> 00:41:43,360
Speaker 2: acute stage. So anything after the acute stage here you

688
00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:47,799
Speaker 2: become sort of asymptomatic. So my body was never one

689
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:50,920
Speaker 2: hundred percent itself, but it was like ninety five percent itself,

690
00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:53,279
Speaker 2: and so it gets to the point that you can

691
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:57,440
Speaker 2: kind of ignore the little things that kind of feel off,

692
00:41:58,080 --> 00:42:00,680
Speaker 2: and you know, like the way law, you can kind

693
00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:03,319
Speaker 2: of ignore it because it's not as extreme anymore, and

694
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:05,400
Speaker 2: like the muscle aggs, you can kind of ignore it

695
00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:07,440
Speaker 2: because it's not as intense as it was. And for

696
00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:12,680
Speaker 2: other people, they really are truly asymptomatic until they get AIDS,

697
00:42:12,719 --> 00:42:15,080
Speaker 2: because once you get AIDS, it's kind of like you're

698
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:17,000
Speaker 2: not at the point of no return because there are

699
00:42:17,080 --> 00:42:21,160
Speaker 2: many people that have been diagnosed with HIV once they

700
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:25,920
Speaker 2: had AIDS and now they're undetectable. So it's not always

701
00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:28,399
Speaker 2: a death sentence once you get AIDS, and in fact

702
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:31,840
Speaker 2: it doesn't have to be. But yeah, so basically HIV

703
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:36,960
Speaker 2: is dormant after you're acute stage until you get AIDS,

704
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:39,759
Speaker 2: and that's when the symptoms start up again because it's

705
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:42,839
Speaker 2: just getting very, very sick. That is completely different than

706
00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:47,040
Speaker 2: being undetectable. When you're undetectable, there is no chance, no

707
00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:50,200
Speaker 2: shadow of a doubt of you being completely healthy and

708
00:42:50,239 --> 00:42:53,799
Speaker 2: completely not a risk to your community and to your

709
00:42:53,840 --> 00:42:56,920
Speaker 2: loved ones. There is nothing that will make the virus

710
00:42:56,960 --> 00:42:58,919
Speaker 2: say like one day, like, oh well, one day, I'm

711
00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:03,480
Speaker 2: just not gonna I'm not going to listen to this medication. Now,

712
00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:07,400
Speaker 2: with that being said, the virus is extremely extremely intelligent.

713
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:10,160
Speaker 2: So if the person has HIV, you have to take

714
00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:13,480
Speaker 2: your medication as prescribed because if you stop taking the medication,

715
00:43:14,640 --> 00:43:18,600
Speaker 2: you can become immune or like resistant to the medication

716
00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:21,239
Speaker 2: that you're on, and that's just not good. It's just

717
00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:24,160
Speaker 2: not good. You know. Just stick to the medication that

718
00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:26,319
Speaker 2: you have and do what you need to do. But

719
00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:29,520
Speaker 2: that is the main difference between undetectable and dormant. It's

720
00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:31,719
Speaker 2: just the fact that they're completely different. They're not the

721
00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:35,920
Speaker 2: same thing at all. And detectable means that you are untransmittable.

722
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:42,319
Speaker 2: You equals you, A detectable equals untransmittable, dormant it means yeah,

723
00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:43,319
Speaker 2: not a good thing.

724
00:43:47,239 --> 00:43:50,360
Speaker 3: Okay, Yes, one more follow up go or clarifying question.

725
00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:58,000
Speaker 3: So can someone have AIDS and then it goes back

726
00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:01,520
Speaker 3: to HIV yes, or is it?

727
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:04,000
Speaker 2: Once you have a's you have a's.

728
00:44:03,719 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 3: And that's it.

729
00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:07,920
Speaker 2: No, No, the medication of today is so advanced and

730
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:11,640
Speaker 2: so strong that a person that has AIDS can go

731
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:16,480
Speaker 2: back to HIV and can even be undetectable. So the

732
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:19,239
Speaker 2: thing is you want to make sure that. That's why

733
00:44:19,239 --> 00:44:21,480
Speaker 2: it's so important to get tested, because it's not just

734
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:26,080
Speaker 2: about the AIDS, because age will attack different parts of

735
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:30,759
Speaker 2: your body and there are different infections that can brain infections,

736
00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:33,920
Speaker 2: liver infections, things like that. So even if a person,

737
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:37,240
Speaker 2: let's say, goes back to HIV and even to undetectable status,

738
00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:41,120
Speaker 2: there can be long lasting effects of having AIDS for

739
00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:44,640
Speaker 2: an x amount of time. So the quicker a person

740
00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:46,920
Speaker 2: finds out their status, the better and they can get

741
00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:48,600
Speaker 2: on the regimen that works for them and they can

742
00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:52,880
Speaker 2: become healthy, you know, within the amount of time that's necessary.

743
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:55,040
Speaker 2: But to answer your question, a person with age can

744
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:59,319
Speaker 2: definitely go back to HIV and even undetenchable status, but

745
00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:01,359
Speaker 2: sometimes it's too late and a lot of times they

746
00:45:01,400 --> 00:45:02,040
Speaker 2: will be fatal.

747
00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:04,520
Speaker 4: Again, thank you so much, Fianka. This is just so

748
00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:08,200
Speaker 4: informative and so one of the things you mentioned earlier.

749
00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:11,399
Speaker 4: You talked about you getting your diagnosis, but then also

750
00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:14,359
Speaker 4: being interested in having children, and so we know that

751
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:16,799
Speaker 4: your husband and you have a beautiful daughter jujus. So

752
00:45:16,840 --> 00:45:20,320
Speaker 4: can you tell us what was it like being pregnant

753
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:22,720
Speaker 4: with HIV and then also your breastfeeding journey?

754
00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:28,600
Speaker 2: Oh look, okay, Sueryl. I did a lot of research

755
00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:33,600
Speaker 2: before I decided to get pregnant, and this was also

756
00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:36,240
Speaker 2: during the pandemic. I mean I got pregnant in twenty twenty.

757
00:45:36,640 --> 00:45:40,120
Speaker 2: In twenty twenty, so that was just really scary. I

758
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:44,120
Speaker 2: mean a side of getting pregnant and have being HIV positive.

759
00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:47,000
Speaker 2: I was actually pretty scared of COVID and being HIV

760
00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:49,840
Speaker 2: positive because I didn't know what that would mean for me,

761
00:45:49,920 --> 00:45:51,920
Speaker 2: Like what would happen about were to get COVID and

762
00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:55,520
Speaker 2: me being HIV positive there I was. That's something that

763
00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:59,400
Speaker 2: I was actually quite afraid of more than anything else.

764
00:46:00,080 --> 00:46:04,719
Speaker 2: That What was it like? I think that it wasn't

765
00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:10,799
Speaker 2: It wasn't too different. It got very interesting when I

766
00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:13,759
Speaker 2: actually went into labor. The doctors have told me in

767
00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:17,160
Speaker 2: the beginning that they didn't suggest I breastfeed, and I said, okay, well,

768
00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:18,600
Speaker 2: if you don't suggest it, then I'm not going to

769
00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:23,200
Speaker 2: do it. As time came closer to me giving birth.

770
00:46:23,640 --> 00:46:26,640
Speaker 2: I started doing more research, and I realized that mothers

771
00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:30,640
Speaker 2: that are undetestable do not give their children HIV. In fact,

772
00:46:30,719 --> 00:46:34,760
Speaker 2: in many places, in other places of the world, the

773
00:46:34,800 --> 00:46:37,960
Speaker 2: breast milk is much healthier than what they have to

774
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:41,279
Speaker 2: offer in the hospitals. So what mothers that are HIV

775
00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:44,680
Speaker 2: positive and that are undetectable are actually recommended and suggusted

776
00:46:45,160 --> 00:46:48,200
Speaker 2: to breastfeed. And so, you know, given that that's not

777
00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:50,680
Speaker 2: the case here in the United States, they just didn't

778
00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:55,040
Speaker 2: want to take that risk. And so when I went

779
00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:58,960
Speaker 2: to you know, I was in the labor department and

780
00:46:59,800 --> 00:47:01,439
Speaker 2: the babe it was about to come out, and was like, okay,

781
00:47:01,520 --> 00:47:04,759
Speaker 2: so I'm thinking a breastfeed, and they were basically like, no,

782
00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:07,960
Speaker 2: you're not. And I'm like, I am, I am. What

783
00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:11,120
Speaker 2: do you mean? But we suggested that you didn't. I'm like, yes,

784
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:13,520
Speaker 2: that was a suggestion, but I'm going to tell I'm

785
00:47:13,560 --> 00:47:16,359
Speaker 2: telling you that I am. And they said that they

786
00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 2: were going to call the cops on me and call

787
00:47:18,239 --> 00:47:21,200
Speaker 2: job Protective Services if I decided to do that. And

788
00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:24,279
Speaker 2: at that moment, I realized that I was completely unprepared

789
00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:27,080
Speaker 2: for this, for this battle, because although I was at

790
00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:31,279
Speaker 2: a hospital. I wasn't with specialists that specialized in HIV.

791
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:35,520
Speaker 2: They just were labor and delivery doctors. They knew what

792
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:37,839
Speaker 2: they were doing as far as like pushing the like

793
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:39,959
Speaker 2: having the baby come out, and doing what they needed

794
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:43,400
Speaker 2: to do. But when it came to specializing in a

795
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:47,480
Speaker 2: field that is still very stigmatized even amongst doctors and nurses,

796
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:50,360
Speaker 2: I did realize that I needed an advocate and I

797
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:53,279
Speaker 2: needed someone to have my back, and I didn't have

798
00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:56,640
Speaker 2: anyone there, and I felt like I did my daughter

799
00:47:56,760 --> 00:48:00,960
Speaker 2: her career disservice that day. And I mean there was

800
00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:02,520
Speaker 2: a point in time that I can't even talk about

801
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:05,960
Speaker 2: it without crime because I just felt I felt like

802
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:07,799
Speaker 2: my arms were tied, like my hands were tied, and

803
00:48:07,800 --> 00:48:10,560
Speaker 2: there was something that I could do about it. And

804
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:14,520
Speaker 2: so my experience was good until until the day that

805
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:18,120
Speaker 2: I had to give birth. I would say, and never again.

806
00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:21,799
Speaker 2: We do want to expand our family, and we do

807
00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:25,200
Speaker 2: want to have more children, and I do have advocates

808
00:48:25,200 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 2: a nice corner, and I'm going to do things one

809
00:48:27,239 --> 00:48:30,480
Speaker 2: hundred percent differently now, and it's going to be you know,

810
00:48:30,680 --> 00:48:32,960
Speaker 2: the will of God, and it's going to be incrembled.

811
00:48:32,480 --> 00:48:37,440
Speaker 4: So amen, it sure will be, and we're believing that

812
00:48:37,480 --> 00:48:39,680
Speaker 4: for you, Beyonca, and thank you again for sharing such

813
00:48:39,719 --> 00:48:43,320
Speaker 4: intimate details of your journey. I know this has been

814
00:48:43,840 --> 00:48:48,279
Speaker 4: a very informative conversation, and because of the heaviness of

815
00:48:48,320 --> 00:48:50,920
Speaker 4: the topic, we wanted to move our very fun segment

816
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:53,720
Speaker 4: toward the end of the conversation so we can close

817
00:48:53,719 --> 00:48:56,840
Speaker 4: out on a very high note after diving into so much,

818
00:48:57,080 --> 00:49:00,000
Speaker 4: so much content. You're so yeah, I could give it

819
00:49:00,160 --> 00:49:05,480
Speaker 4: to get ready, so Bianca, because we recognize, appreciate, and

820
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:08,759
Speaker 4: celebrate the multifaceted woman, and we believe that it's okay

821
00:49:08,760 --> 00:49:12,560
Speaker 4: to be bougie, classy and ratchet. Okay, you can still

822
00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:17,400
Speaker 4: be elegant and dance to strip club music, right, so Yaka.

823
00:49:17,480 --> 00:49:20,880
Speaker 4: We want to invite you to the oh you blatchet segment?

824
00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:22,520
Speaker 4: Do you take on the challenge?

825
00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:29,000
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I'm nervous. Okay, Okay, yes, ma'am, Yes.

826
00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:32,600
Speaker 4: Okay, she ready, she ready, okay, so Bianca. Now that

827
00:49:32,600 --> 00:49:34,320
Speaker 4: you've agreed, we're going to tell you what to expect.

828
00:49:34,560 --> 00:49:36,799
Speaker 4: So we're going to ask you three questions. We're going

829
00:49:36,880 --> 00:49:40,800
Speaker 4: to share three sentence completions, and then we'll be choosing

830
00:49:40,840 --> 00:49:43,480
Speaker 4: a photo out of these three photos that we have

831
00:49:44,160 --> 00:49:46,200
Speaker 4: that we found of you on social media, and we

832
00:49:46,239 --> 00:49:49,160
Speaker 4: want you to provide some context about the photo that

833
00:49:49,200 --> 00:49:52,040
Speaker 4: we would not know just by looking at it. All Right,

834
00:49:52,840 --> 00:49:55,319
Speaker 4: so much fun. Yeah, we're going to ease into this.

835
00:49:55,360 --> 00:49:57,400
Speaker 4: We'll make it easy to start with. So the first

836
00:49:57,520 --> 00:50:01,520
Speaker 4: question for you is what's the best of wisdom or

837
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:03,320
Speaker 4: advice you've ever received.

838
00:50:03,840 --> 00:50:06,759
Speaker 2: I would say, I don't know why this is the

839
00:50:06,760 --> 00:50:08,080
Speaker 2: first thing that came up. I don't know if this

840
00:50:08,160 --> 00:50:09,800
Speaker 2: is the I don't know this is gonna me I

841
00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:11,560
Speaker 2: came up. So I'm going to share it with you guys.

842
00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:14,839
Speaker 2: It was my mentor in college that was in Model

843
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:18,080
Speaker 2: United Nations, who is basically like a different type of

844
00:50:18,120 --> 00:50:21,799
Speaker 2: debate team, and I was he saw going down a

845
00:50:21,880 --> 00:50:24,880
Speaker 2: very slippery slope at that time, and he said the answer,

846
00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:28,719
Speaker 2: there are three things that can happen to you in

847
00:50:28,760 --> 00:50:31,120
Speaker 2: this life. The first thing is that you know you

848
00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:34,840
Speaker 2: you change the direction that you're going, and you know

849
00:50:35,719 --> 00:50:39,239
Speaker 2: you better yourself and you do what you need to

850
00:50:39,280 --> 00:50:41,200
Speaker 2: do to to become the woman that I know that

851
00:50:41,239 --> 00:50:43,759
Speaker 2: you can become. The second thing that can happen is

852
00:50:43,800 --> 00:50:45,960
Speaker 2: that you continue going down the wrong path and that

853
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:48,680
Speaker 2: you get in trouble for you know, you end up

854
00:50:48,719 --> 00:50:50,920
Speaker 2: in person, you end up with H and D, or

855
00:50:50,960 --> 00:50:53,279
Speaker 2: you end up dead, but something ends up happening. This

856
00:50:53,440 --> 00:50:55,279
Speaker 2: third thing that can happen, and this is the worst

857
00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:58,040
Speaker 2: thing that can happen, is that nothing happens. You continue

858
00:50:58,080 --> 00:51:01,520
Speaker 2: living your life of everything is okay or that you

859
00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:05,200
Speaker 2: are or that what you're doing is okay, and nothing

860
00:51:05,280 --> 00:51:07,040
Speaker 2: ends up happening. And the reason that this is the

861
00:51:07,080 --> 00:51:09,399
Speaker 2: worst thing that's happening is because you will never really

862
00:51:09,440 --> 00:51:12,120
Speaker 2: be fulfilled and you'll never really reach your fullest potential

863
00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:17,320
Speaker 2: because you are kind of the world society, your community

864
00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:20,040
Speaker 2: is kind of letting you go off scotch free, and

865
00:51:20,239 --> 00:51:23,400
Speaker 2: that's not it's just not going to interact well with

866
00:51:23,440 --> 00:51:27,440
Speaker 2: who you really are. And all the all of the

867
00:51:27,480 --> 00:51:29,480
Speaker 2: things were true. All of the things are true. And

868
00:51:30,280 --> 00:51:33,240
Speaker 2: the worst one, honestly, was during the time that nothing

869
00:51:33,239 --> 00:51:36,160
Speaker 2: bad was happening to me because I felt so unfulfilled,

870
00:51:36,200 --> 00:51:39,960
Speaker 2: I felt so depressed. I felt like I didn't have

871
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:42,240
Speaker 2: a purpose in this life. And that's why I kept

872
00:51:42,280 --> 00:51:46,400
Speaker 2: on kind of filling the void with just meaningless things

873
00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:49,520
Speaker 2: because I needed to feel something. And the one thing

874
00:51:49,560 --> 00:51:52,400
Speaker 2: that we're all looking for really is accountability to ourselves.

875
00:51:52,600 --> 00:51:54,880
Speaker 2: We want That's why when people do bad things, like

876
00:51:55,040 --> 00:51:57,839
Speaker 2: like criminal things, a lot of people that get into

877
00:51:58,040 --> 00:52:01,239
Speaker 2: afterwards is that they're so relieved what they're caught, which

878
00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:03,120
Speaker 2: is the strangest thing to me. And I think it's

879
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:05,520
Speaker 2: because everyone, at the end of the day do want

880
00:52:05,560 --> 00:52:10,280
Speaker 2: to be held accountable so that maybe they will change.

881
00:52:10,760 --> 00:52:12,719
Speaker 2: And I don't know why. I just feel like I

882
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:15,160
Speaker 2: have so much hope for the betterment of all of us,

883
00:52:15,239 --> 00:52:17,719
Speaker 2: that we all are capable of really becoming the best

884
00:52:17,800 --> 00:52:21,160
Speaker 2: version of ourselves. And no matter how long that takes,

885
00:52:21,239 --> 00:52:25,160
Speaker 2: I do believe in that whole you know.

886
00:52:25,640 --> 00:52:28,800
Speaker 3: Okay, so that was great, that was fantastic, that was beautiful.

887
00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:32,440
Speaker 3: And so this next question, it makes this next question

888
00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:36,839
Speaker 3: feel like what how did we get from that to this?

889
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:43,160
Speaker 3: I mean, but it displays the how blatched we really

890
00:52:43,239 --> 00:52:44,120
Speaker 3: are in life.

891
00:52:44,280 --> 00:52:45,360
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, ma'am.

892
00:52:45,960 --> 00:52:51,239
Speaker 3: So my next question for you.

893
00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:58,520
Speaker 2: Work or two steps? Oh no, I let's say, Oh girls,

894
00:52:58,960 --> 00:53:01,680
Speaker 2: So I'm I'm at the shirt poke. I met him

895
00:53:01,719 --> 00:53:03,160
Speaker 2: at the shirt Poke, so it was gonna have to

896
00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:06,160
Speaker 2: be It's work for me, you know, even though even

897
00:53:06,200 --> 00:53:09,759
Speaker 2: though you know your go is like safe and but

898
00:53:10,080 --> 00:53:11,799
Speaker 2: like I just feel like I might just have to

899
00:53:11,800 --> 00:53:15,359
Speaker 2: be like, oh, like like pulding it in. But but yeah,

900
00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:16,840
Speaker 2: you know, yeah.

901
00:53:19,719 --> 00:53:24,719
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, get that's working. Okay, So next question, it's

902
00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:26,920
Speaker 4: what's the sexiest item you own?

903
00:53:28,080 --> 00:53:33,759
Speaker 2: Hmmm, oh I don't know. Oh my gosh, Okay, hold on,

904
00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:36,040
Speaker 2: hold on. I really have to think about this, I

905
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:42,040
Speaker 2: will say honestly, I'm okay, like, okay, so between us ladies, right,

906
00:53:42,600 --> 00:53:46,839
Speaker 2: I'm not sure. I think I wanted to be more

907
00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:50,319
Speaker 2: fun about this. But a part of me is like

908
00:53:51,120 --> 00:53:55,040
Speaker 2: trying to figure out what sexy means to me, because

909
00:53:55,080 --> 00:53:57,040
Speaker 2: I know what sexy means to my manner, what he

910
00:53:57,160 --> 00:54:01,120
Speaker 2: thinks I look sexy in, and it's a different thing

911
00:54:01,160 --> 00:54:03,759
Speaker 2: what I would envision for myself. I don't know. I

912
00:54:03,760 --> 00:54:05,759
Speaker 2: don't know what it is. I still haven't felt like

913
00:54:06,200 --> 00:54:09,080
Speaker 2: that is sexy. Sometimes that's feel sexy and like some

914
00:54:09,239 --> 00:54:11,920
Speaker 2: sweatpants and like you know, like a white feater. I

915
00:54:11,960 --> 00:54:15,640
Speaker 2: don't know. Like, once I figured it out, I will

916
00:54:15,719 --> 00:54:23,719
Speaker 2: let you know, because I want to know. I think, honestly, okay, fine,

917
00:54:23,719 --> 00:54:26,400
Speaker 2: and okay, it might be a little shallow, just a

918
00:54:26,400 --> 00:54:28,560
Speaker 2: little shallow, I mean, not too shallow. I don't know

919
00:54:28,560 --> 00:54:31,080
Speaker 2: why I'm saying. I'm a little secure. I'm a little

920
00:54:31,080 --> 00:54:35,879
Speaker 2: insecure about about when I have like beautiful things. And again,

921
00:54:36,160 --> 00:54:40,719
Speaker 2: we're healing, we're here in the journey. I think the

922
00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:43,640
Speaker 2: sexualest thing that I own would have to be like

923
00:54:43,800 --> 00:54:47,480
Speaker 2: my diamonds. So like I love to like at the

924
00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:51,839
Speaker 2: diamond ring that I have. But and then also they

925
00:54:51,960 --> 00:54:58,960
Speaker 2: have spoiled like you know, you know, and so sometimes

926
00:54:58,960 --> 00:55:01,239
Speaker 2: when I would see that real and I'm just like,

927
00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:03,880
Speaker 2: oh wow, like I don't need too much, Like I

928
00:55:03,920 --> 00:55:07,520
Speaker 2: don't need too much. I think that's I think that's

929
00:55:07,520 --> 00:55:11,840
Speaker 2: actually what makes me feel quite sexy.

930
00:55:12,560 --> 00:55:16,480
Speaker 3: They have my diamonds on Yes, they say that diamonds

931
00:55:16,480 --> 00:55:17,640
Speaker 3: are girls best friends.

932
00:55:17,680 --> 00:55:25,080
Speaker 2: Sola mean, you know, come on, I think so. I

933
00:55:25,120 --> 00:55:26,440
Speaker 2: think so, I think that's what it is.

934
00:55:27,239 --> 00:55:32,440
Speaker 3: Okay, Okay, well now we have our sentence completion, so

935
00:55:32,600 --> 00:55:37,720
Speaker 3: our first sentences. One question or topic I wish people

936
00:55:37,880 --> 00:55:40,359
Speaker 3: asked me about more often is.

937
00:55:41,719 --> 00:55:45,880
Speaker 2: Ooh, journaling, journaling in the book that I'm reading, I

938
00:55:45,920 --> 00:55:48,200
Speaker 2: love to journal, like I'll just show you guys, because

939
00:55:48,239 --> 00:55:51,680
Speaker 2: it's like I have a lot of like hobbies and

940
00:55:51,719 --> 00:55:54,399
Speaker 2: collections and stuff like that. But one of the things

941
00:55:54,400 --> 00:55:56,080
Speaker 2: that I do enjoy to do is like I like

942
00:55:56,120 --> 00:56:00,319
Speaker 2: to journal, and I do have plenty, Like I have

943
00:56:00,480 --> 00:56:04,200
Speaker 2: several journals, and that's something that I just really like

944
00:56:04,280 --> 00:56:06,560
Speaker 2: to do. And I also like to read. I like

945
00:56:06,600 --> 00:56:09,120
Speaker 2: to read a lot of like self development and self

946
00:56:09,160 --> 00:56:11,160
Speaker 2: actualization book and I also like to read a lot

947
00:56:11,160 --> 00:56:15,160
Speaker 2: of life romance and like fiction books. I just like

948
00:56:15,239 --> 00:56:17,200
Speaker 2: to I like to read and like to journal. I

949
00:56:17,239 --> 00:56:18,719
Speaker 2: wish people would ask you more about that.

950
00:56:19,960 --> 00:56:23,160
Speaker 4: Well, that's so funny, Bianca, because our next sentence completion

951
00:56:23,520 --> 00:56:26,239
Speaker 4: is the book. It's a two It's a two part

952
00:56:26,239 --> 00:56:28,080
Speaker 4: of okay, so work with me on this one. The

953
00:56:28,120 --> 00:56:31,759
Speaker 4: book I'm reading is a blank, and what I would

954
00:56:31,760 --> 00:56:34,960
Speaker 4: share with your audience about journaling is a blink. So

955
00:56:35,080 --> 00:56:36,560
Speaker 4: just fill in the blink for those two.

956
00:56:37,400 --> 00:56:40,120
Speaker 2: Okay. So I actually just started this book and I

957
00:56:40,200 --> 00:56:42,960
Speaker 2: sound sounds at the hospital. Well okay, it was like

958
00:56:43,080 --> 00:56:44,719
Speaker 2: had like a library section to like to take a

959
00:56:44,719 --> 00:56:46,920
Speaker 2: book while you wait, and I'm like, okay, sure, but

960
00:56:47,080 --> 00:56:50,520
Speaker 2: this is on I think this is okay, so from

961
00:56:50,520 --> 00:56:52,800
Speaker 2: the present for Barack Obama, so that this was terrific

962
00:56:52,840 --> 00:56:55,360
Speaker 2: and it's one of the politic price. So it's called

963
00:56:55,400 --> 00:56:58,800
Speaker 2: the underground railroads and ipically don't want to read books

964
00:56:58,800 --> 00:57:02,799
Speaker 2: that it's like that are like this. But so far,

965
00:57:03,280 --> 00:57:09,319
Speaker 2: like NPR says, an American Masterpiece, it is actually incredible

966
00:57:09,400 --> 00:57:14,720
Speaker 2: so far, and it hasn't like romanticized it. It hasn't

967
00:57:14,719 --> 00:57:16,080
Speaker 2: made it like I don't know, because I feel like

968
00:57:16,120 --> 00:57:18,800
Speaker 2: I've read a few books about standing ground railroad that

969
00:57:18,880 --> 00:57:21,760
Speaker 2: just makes it seem like, I don't know, it makes

970
00:57:21,760 --> 00:57:24,200
Speaker 2: me feel weird, like not in a good way. And

971
00:57:24,320 --> 00:57:27,440
Speaker 2: this is just like the humanity of it, the wrawness

972
00:57:27,480 --> 00:57:33,040
Speaker 2: of it, the thoughts that a person would have that

973
00:57:33,560 --> 00:57:36,720
Speaker 2: like goes outside of just being a slave, like the

974
00:57:36,760 --> 00:57:39,640
Speaker 2: real thoughts, they're real, and I mean even though it

975
00:57:39,720 --> 00:57:41,320
Speaker 2: is fiction and so it's hard to say it's real

976
00:57:41,440 --> 00:57:43,640
Speaker 2: or not. But no matter what you're going through in life,

977
00:57:43,640 --> 00:57:45,280
Speaker 2: I feel like there's still a part of you that

978
00:57:45,880 --> 00:57:51,760
Speaker 2: dares to have hope or dream or whatever. And so anyway,

979
00:57:51,880 --> 00:57:54,520
Speaker 2: I'm only in like page twenty five, but so far,

980
00:57:55,320 --> 00:57:58,400
Speaker 2: so good. And the thing that I wish people to

981
00:57:58,440 --> 00:58:00,720
Speaker 2: me about durnally is that it doesn't have to be perfect.

982
00:58:01,160 --> 00:58:02,640
Speaker 2: That's when I need to tell myself it doesn't have

983
00:58:02,680 --> 00:58:05,760
Speaker 2: to be perfect. It can be messy. Our brains are

984
00:58:05,800 --> 00:58:08,160
Speaker 2: typically very messy. I know that sometimes we see a

985
00:58:08,160 --> 00:58:11,560
Speaker 2: lot of like beautiful journals with stickers and highlighteries and

986
00:58:11,840 --> 00:58:15,480
Speaker 2: washy tapes, and is it functional? Is it working for you?

987
00:58:15,520 --> 00:58:18,200
Speaker 2: Don't worry so much about the beauty and focus more

988
00:58:18,200 --> 00:58:20,960
Speaker 2: on the functionality, because the purpose of a journal is

989
00:58:21,000 --> 00:58:23,160
Speaker 2: to get the things out of our messy heads and

990
00:58:23,200 --> 00:58:25,680
Speaker 2: bring it onto paper so that we don't have to

991
00:58:25,720 --> 00:58:29,400
Speaker 2: like have anxiety over it anymore. And so I would

992
00:58:29,440 --> 00:58:32,720
Speaker 2: just say to another thing to start, to start, and

993
00:58:32,760 --> 00:58:36,560
Speaker 2: whatever happens happens to start, and that's it.

994
00:58:37,440 --> 00:58:41,960
Speaker 4: That's perfect the journaling. My handwriting looks like trash in

995
00:58:42,040 --> 00:58:43,800
Speaker 4: my journal, but it doesn't. It's supposed to do so.

996
00:58:44,120 --> 00:58:44,520
Speaker 2: Period.

997
00:58:45,480 --> 00:58:51,200
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, period yeah. Okay, so our final sentence completion.

998
00:58:52,960 --> 00:58:58,000
Speaker 3: What I love most about myself is I think it.

999
00:58:57,960 --> 00:59:05,760
Speaker 2: Would be my ability to have empathy for others. Sometimes

1000
00:59:05,760 --> 00:59:07,920
Speaker 2: sometimes it's for people that know me well and that

1001
00:59:08,080 --> 00:59:10,479
Speaker 2: you know me for a very long time. I think

1002
00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:16,800
Speaker 2: people might be exterior that doesn't really reflect that, And honestly,

1003
00:59:17,240 --> 00:59:21,880
Speaker 2: it's because I feel like I'm protecting myself. Sometimes I

1004
00:59:21,920 --> 00:59:24,520
Speaker 2: have high expectations for other people, and I can like

1005
00:59:25,560 --> 00:59:30,200
Speaker 2: be very vocal about that, and I think that it's

1006
00:59:30,280 --> 00:59:34,360
Speaker 2: just because I see what they're capable of. But then

1007
00:59:34,400 --> 00:59:37,760
Speaker 2: at the same time, I empathize with any situation, in

1008
00:59:37,800 --> 00:59:41,040
Speaker 2: every situation. And it's not to say that I accept

1009
00:59:41,080 --> 00:59:43,160
Speaker 2: things or I'm going I do acceptings, but it's not

1010
00:59:43,240 --> 00:59:46,040
Speaker 2: to say that I allow things, but it's to say

1011
00:59:46,040 --> 00:59:57,800
Speaker 2: that I understand that people just sometimes the stories that

1012
00:59:57,840 --> 01:00:04,680
Speaker 2: we tell ourselves we so h overbearing and so debilitating.

1013
01:00:05,960 --> 01:00:11,480
Speaker 2: And I guess I think that's what I like most

1014
01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:13,800
Speaker 2: about myself. I wish that sometimes I sended that more

1015
01:00:13,800 --> 01:00:15,880
Speaker 2: to myself the same way that I send to others.

1016
01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:19,280
Speaker 2: But I guess that's what I like about myself. I'm

1017
01:00:19,320 --> 01:00:21,720
Speaker 2: not sure we're still figuring that out, but my ability

1018
01:00:21,720 --> 01:00:22,720
Speaker 2: to love people.

1019
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:26,240
Speaker 4: The beautiful yes, and the ability to love people, the

1020
01:00:26,280 --> 01:00:30,280
Speaker 4: ability to be empathetic to others. And Pianka, you're you're

1021
01:00:30,320 --> 01:00:32,520
Speaker 4: making an amazing impact in the world. We're gonna we're

1022
01:00:32,520 --> 01:00:34,040
Speaker 4: gonna close out in just a minute. We gotta look

1023
01:00:34,040 --> 01:00:36,160
Speaker 4: at these pictures. But I just wanted, we just wanted

1024
01:00:36,200 --> 01:00:39,160
Speaker 4: to let you know we appreciate you. And so we

1025
01:00:39,200 --> 01:00:41,600
Speaker 4: have these three photos pulled up and what we're going

1026
01:00:41,680 --> 01:00:43,560
Speaker 4: to have you do is choose the number out of

1027
01:00:43,600 --> 01:00:46,640
Speaker 4: one in three and then we'll show you that photo.

1028
01:00:46,720 --> 01:00:48,360
Speaker 4: And what we want you to do is first describe

1029
01:00:48,360 --> 01:00:50,600
Speaker 4: the photo for those that are only listening to the audio,

1030
01:00:51,040 --> 01:00:52,840
Speaker 4: and then tell us something about the photo that we

1031
01:00:52,880 --> 01:00:55,200
Speaker 4: would not know just by looking at it. So what

1032
01:00:55,400 --> 01:00:59,600
Speaker 4: is your number? I do it. You're gonna, You're gonna,

1033
01:01:00,040 --> 01:01:02,080
Speaker 4: You're gonna love this picture, I think too. Okay, here

1034
01:01:02,080 --> 01:01:04,760
Speaker 4: we go, and.

1035
01:01:04,800 --> 01:01:14,640
Speaker 2: I'm nervous, my honey bunny, so hmmm, oh, this was

1036
01:01:14,720 --> 01:01:23,520
Speaker 2: actually this was the first event that we went together

1037
01:01:24,080 --> 01:01:28,360
Speaker 2: after I stopped drinking. And I was a little nervous

1038
01:01:28,400 --> 01:01:32,360
Speaker 2: because I've never been able to really say no to people.

1039
01:01:32,960 --> 01:01:36,280
Speaker 2: That's something I'm like, I'm a recovering people pleaser, and

1040
01:01:36,360 --> 01:01:40,720
Speaker 2: so I was so nervous. But it was incredible. I

1041
01:01:40,720 --> 01:01:43,919
Speaker 2: had the best time. He had a great time. And

1042
01:01:44,360 --> 01:01:46,960
Speaker 2: something that I always got really scared of is that

1043
01:01:47,000 --> 01:01:50,280
Speaker 2: when I make face life changes, like not smoking weed anymore,

1044
01:01:50,440 --> 01:01:54,080
Speaker 2: not drinking even to like not firsting that I at

1045
01:01:54,080 --> 01:01:55,800
Speaker 2: first I would get scared. I was like, what if,

1046
01:01:55,920 --> 01:01:59,080
Speaker 2: like Joel stops loving me because like he loved me,

1047
01:01:59,200 --> 01:02:01,400
Speaker 2: or he began loving me when I did all these things,

1048
01:02:01,520 --> 01:02:04,720
Speaker 2: So what if, like me, changing will have him not

1049
01:02:04,800 --> 01:02:08,720
Speaker 2: love me anymore? And I really surprises me because honestly,

1050
01:02:08,800 --> 01:02:12,479
Speaker 2: like he just I'm still with so much loved and yeah,

1051
01:02:12,520 --> 01:02:14,439
Speaker 2: so he had his nice little drink in his hand

1052
01:02:14,520 --> 01:02:18,000
Speaker 2: and I was just there in man, happiness can be

1053
01:02:18,160 --> 01:02:20,480
Speaker 2: sober back and been happy.

1054
01:02:20,680 --> 01:02:25,160
Speaker 4: Honestly, you go ahead, girl, Mommy and mommy and mom

1055
01:02:25,200 --> 01:02:28,840
Speaker 4: mayn okay yo ma I that that's right. That's such

1056
01:02:28,840 --> 01:02:31,160
Speaker 4: a beautiful picture. I'm glad you chose that one. And

1057
01:02:31,240 --> 01:02:34,360
Speaker 4: thank you for the background, the story behind the behind

1058
01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:38,520
Speaker 4: the photo. Bianca, this has been such an incredible conversation.

1059
01:02:38,640 --> 01:02:41,240
Speaker 4: We just want to thank you so much for your time,

1060
01:02:41,440 --> 01:02:45,560
Speaker 4: your energy, your wisdom. I mean, I really do believe

1061
01:02:45,560 --> 01:02:47,280
Speaker 4: that this is going to help so many people that

1062
01:02:47,360 --> 01:02:50,200
Speaker 4: are that are dealing with this right now, but also

1063
01:02:50,320 --> 01:02:52,360
Speaker 4: may have loved ones that are also coping with this.

1064
01:02:52,800 --> 01:02:55,080
Speaker 4: And it's such an intimate conversation that you you can't

1065
01:02:55,080 --> 01:02:57,360
Speaker 4: just go to anyone that's you know, share this information with.

1066
01:02:57,440 --> 01:03:00,200
Speaker 4: So we appreciate you creating this safe space to be

1067
01:03:00,200 --> 01:03:03,800
Speaker 4: able to add this dialogue and thank you. So let

1068
01:03:03,880 --> 01:03:06,040
Speaker 4: our listeners know I fiancle, where can they find you,

1069
01:03:06,080 --> 01:03:08,120
Speaker 4: how can they support you? Are there any next steps

1070
01:03:08,400 --> 01:03:10,440
Speaker 4: that you would like for them to take to support

1071
01:03:10,440 --> 01:03:11,160
Speaker 4: you and your work?

1072
01:03:12,080 --> 01:03:14,680
Speaker 2: Absolutely? But before I share that, I want to like,

1073
01:03:15,360 --> 01:03:18,320
Speaker 2: just share something else if you don't mind. When it

1074
01:03:18,400 --> 01:03:22,280
Speaker 2: comes to dating, right, and for a person that's HIV positive,

1075
01:03:22,360 --> 01:03:24,360
Speaker 2: especially when they're trying to date, can hear me well,

1076
01:03:26,320 --> 01:03:29,200
Speaker 2: especially when you're trying to date. I never went and

1077
01:03:29,240 --> 01:03:32,160
Speaker 2: looked for someone that was HIV positive. I just I

1078
01:03:32,240 --> 01:03:34,800
Speaker 2: never did apps and sites. I like to meet people

1079
01:03:34,880 --> 01:03:37,960
Speaker 2: in person. That's just my vibe. But when it came

1080
01:03:38,040 --> 01:03:42,080
Speaker 2: to finding someone, I decided that I wasn't going to settle.

1081
01:03:43,200 --> 01:03:48,280
Speaker 2: And I hope and pray that even if you're HIV positive,

1082
01:03:48,440 --> 01:03:53,320
Speaker 2: male or female, you do not settle. I never ever

1083
01:03:53,560 --> 01:03:55,640
Speaker 2: was like, oh, well, first of all, you know, I

1084
01:03:55,960 --> 01:03:58,840
Speaker 2: think that you know, my man is truly handsome, and

1085
01:03:58,920 --> 01:04:02,280
Speaker 2: so I was kind of always like yeah, I was

1086
01:04:02,320 --> 01:04:04,680
Speaker 2: like a sucker for that. But I decided that I

1087
01:04:04,680 --> 01:04:06,680
Speaker 2: wasn't going to settle. So if a person wasn't treating

1088
01:04:06,680 --> 01:04:09,000
Speaker 2: me good, if Joel decided that he wasn't going to

1089
01:04:09,040 --> 01:04:10,520
Speaker 2: be treating me good, I wasn't gonna bep with that.

1090
01:04:10,800 --> 01:04:13,280
Speaker 2: And the door was right there, and that was always

1091
01:04:13,280 --> 01:04:15,200
Speaker 2: something that people was very much aware of, even from

1092
01:04:15,240 --> 01:04:18,520
Speaker 2: the very beginning. And so I think that it's so

1093
01:04:18,600 --> 01:04:21,400
Speaker 2: important for people to know their work even as they're

1094
01:04:21,440 --> 01:04:23,120
Speaker 2: going out to date because I get a lot of

1095
01:04:23,200 --> 01:04:26,040
Speaker 2: DMS and I have to really like bite my tongue.

1096
01:04:26,240 --> 01:04:27,880
Speaker 2: This is something that people have to come to a

1097
01:04:27,880 --> 01:04:30,240
Speaker 2: conclusion that they have to come to them on their own.

1098
01:04:30,600 --> 01:04:33,640
Speaker 2: But I see a lot of people constantly settling for crumbs.

1099
01:04:33,680 --> 01:04:35,600
Speaker 2: They're like, oh, well, this is the only thing that

1100
01:04:35,680 --> 01:04:37,240
Speaker 2: I can get, So I'm going to deal with it,

1101
01:04:37,320 --> 01:04:39,560
Speaker 2: even if they like treat me bad or lie to

1102
01:04:39,640 --> 01:04:41,520
Speaker 2: me or cheat on me or whatever. It's like, why

1103
01:04:42,000 --> 01:04:43,880
Speaker 2: why do you feel like this is the Why do

1104
01:04:43,880 --> 01:04:46,720
Speaker 2: you feel like this is the only thing that you deserve? Like, like,

1105
01:04:47,000 --> 01:04:49,520
Speaker 2: that's probably what got you in this position to begin with.

1106
01:04:49,560 --> 01:04:54,000
Speaker 2: So let's start making better decisions, different decisions. And honestly,

1107
01:04:54,080 --> 01:04:56,440
Speaker 2: I would much rather be alone than to be with

1108
01:04:56,480 --> 01:04:59,120
Speaker 2: someone that doesn't appreciate me. I would be I'd rather

1109
01:04:59,160 --> 01:05:00,440
Speaker 2: be alone for the rest of my life life and

1110
01:05:00,520 --> 01:05:03,120
Speaker 2: have HIV and whatever than to be with someone that

1111
01:05:03,200 --> 01:05:06,440
Speaker 2: doesn't appreciate me, doesn't honor me, doesn't respect me. And

1112
01:05:06,520 --> 01:05:09,600
Speaker 2: so we always remember that like man or woman, you're

1113
01:05:09,600 --> 01:05:11,800
Speaker 2: always surprised. I don't believe that like a woman surprized

1114
01:05:11,800 --> 01:05:13,520
Speaker 2: and the man's person. I think that everyone has their

1115
01:05:13,520 --> 01:05:15,560
Speaker 2: own thing to that they bring to the table, and

1116
01:05:15,800 --> 01:05:19,040
Speaker 2: both male or female can be taken advantage of. They

1117
01:05:19,080 --> 01:05:22,760
Speaker 2: can be manipulated, they can be taken for granted. So

1118
01:05:23,600 --> 01:05:25,840
Speaker 2: that doesn't help anyone, It doesn't. It doesn't help anyone

1119
01:05:25,960 --> 01:05:29,960
Speaker 2: in any relationships. And so you know you are always

1120
01:05:29,960 --> 01:05:32,520
Speaker 2: going to be the prized. Don't let anyone ever deceive

1121
01:05:32,560 --> 01:05:35,440
Speaker 2: you and convince you otherwise, like, do not settle, doesn't

1122
01:05:35,440 --> 01:05:38,320
Speaker 2: matter what you've got going on, Do not settle. That's

1123
01:05:38,520 --> 01:05:40,560
Speaker 2: the last thing I wanted to say. But where to

1124
01:05:40,600 --> 01:05:41,720
Speaker 2: find me? Sure?

1125
01:05:42,200 --> 01:05:43,040
Speaker 1: All of my all of.

1126
01:05:42,960 --> 01:05:46,120
Speaker 2: My socials are the same B I, A, N C

1127
01:05:46,280 --> 01:05:50,560
Speaker 2: A period, My last thing O R D O N

1128
01:05:50,760 --> 01:05:57,000
Speaker 2: E Z underscore so Bianca period or don as underscore.

1129
01:05:57,040 --> 01:05:58,560
Speaker 2: My last thing is our donius though, so you said

1130
01:05:58,560 --> 01:06:02,080
Speaker 2: that correctly, But you know, unfortunately you cannot put the

1131
01:06:02,200 --> 01:06:07,040
Speaker 2: accent in like user names, so I can say my

1132
01:06:07,120 --> 01:06:09,400
Speaker 2: actual But thank you so much for that. I really look.

1133
01:06:10,960 --> 01:06:12,360
Speaker 4: I looked at your interview. I was like, how does

1134
01:06:12,400 --> 01:06:20,360
Speaker 4: she pronounce her name, So I was, you know.

1135
01:06:17,800 --> 01:06:22,320
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you. But yeah, my TikTok YouTube, Instagram,

1136
01:06:22,680 --> 01:06:26,880
Speaker 2: they're all the same handle at Beyonca Period or jonus

1137
01:06:26,920 --> 01:06:29,919
Speaker 2: Underscore and they all have like I feel like they're

1138
01:06:30,360 --> 01:06:34,600
Speaker 2: they're similar but different. So depending on what you're looking for,

1139
01:06:34,760 --> 01:06:39,840
Speaker 2: you'll you'll get different things on every on every social

1140
01:06:39,880 --> 01:06:43,080
Speaker 2: media platform.

1141
01:06:43,360 --> 01:06:46,640
Speaker 3: Well, thank you so much, Bianca. We it is our

1142
01:06:46,720 --> 01:06:51,440
Speaker 3: honor to to have you share your story on cultivating

1143
01:06:51,480 --> 01:06:51,960
Speaker 3: her Space.

1144
01:06:52,840 --> 01:06:55,560
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Thank you so much, Harry. I

1145
01:06:55,680 --> 01:06:58,800
Speaker 2: really I'm so thankful, Like this was I felt like

1146
01:06:58,800 --> 01:06:59,920
Speaker 2: I was talking to my girls.

1147
01:07:00,160 --> 01:07:00,760
Speaker 4: This is beautiful.

1148
01:07:00,800 --> 01:07:02,040
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me.

1149
01:07:02,200 --> 01:07:08,160
Speaker 3: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show

1150
01:07:08,200 --> 01:07:14,120
Speaker 3: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and

1151
01:07:14,240 --> 01:07:17,360
Speaker 3: mental health, but is by no means meant to be

1152
01:07:17,400 --> 01:07:21,680
Speaker 3: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained

1153
01:07:21,720 --> 01:07:25,800
Speaker 3: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is

1154
01:07:25,800 --> 01:07:29,120
Speaker 3: in need of mental health care, please visit a Therapy

1155
01:07:29,160 --> 01:07:35,120
Speaker 3: for Black Girls directory Psychology today, or contact your insurance provider.

1156
01:07:35,480 --> 01:07:37,120
Speaker 4: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

1157
01:07:37,120 --> 01:07:40,840
Speaker 4: the conversation going, visit our website at Herspace Podcast dot

1158
01:07:40,840 --> 01:07:43,400
Speaker 4: com and be sure to click the Patreon link to

1159
01:07:43,400 --> 01:07:47,120
Speaker 4: get access to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after

1160
01:07:47,200 --> 01:07:51,240
Speaker 4: show and before we meet again, repeat after me. My

1161
01:07:51,520 --> 01:07:55,200
Speaker 4: energy is a gift. I choose to share it wisely

1162
01:07:55,640 --> 01:07:58,000
Speaker 4: and leave a positive imprint on the world