WEBVTT - "I Don't Need a Therapist" with Elliot Connie 0:00:06.920 --> 0:00:08.959 Talk or talk talk. 0:00:09.240 --> 0:00:15.880 We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion to talks. 0:00:17.200 --> 0:00:19.000 What's up, y'all? Thank you for tending them for a 0:00:19.040 --> 0:00:20.360 new episode and we talked back. 0:00:20.440 --> 0:00:23.120 The show dedicated to you, Dreamers and Chases the Coach 0:00:23.239 --> 0:00:25.720 a j Holiday two point oh. 0:00:25.840 --> 0:00:27.040 If you're nasty, what's up? 0:00:27.280 --> 0:00:29.600 I'm feeling like you say, like niggas and bitches when 0:00:29.600 --> 0:00:32.520 your perod on and then when you off, when you're 0:00:32.520 --> 0:00:34.840 ovulating this Dreamers. 0:00:34.360 --> 0:00:37.560 And Chasers, who the hell starts to show up talking 0:00:37.560 --> 0:00:38.839 about my period? 0:00:39.000 --> 0:00:39.080 Me? 0:00:41.520 --> 0:00:42.280 You're wicked? 0:00:42.960 --> 0:00:45.680 Absolutely not. It just depends on how crunk I'm feeling. 0:00:45.680 --> 0:00:48.239 And shit, if I'm feeling like a real nigga, I 0:00:48.320 --> 0:00:51.560 might say to you niggas and these home. If I'm 0:00:51.600 --> 0:00:59.600 feeling a MANIFESTI not a manifesty manifesting. It's Dreamers and 0:00:59.720 --> 0:01:04.840 Chase you manifested today. I'm manifested today, bitch, I'm sprinkling. 0:01:04.840 --> 0:01:06.959 Well, what about the weekend? What'd you do over the weekend? 0:01:07.080 --> 0:01:09.600 You can't hold on? You can't see this bust down metal. 0:01:10.080 --> 0:01:17.160 You're straight her, y'all. 0:01:17.240 --> 0:01:21.000 I've never worn a bust down middle Park went straight 0:01:21.040 --> 0:01:22.280 hair and it looks good. 0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:26.640 I like it. It's a it's a look, it's a look. 0:01:28.240 --> 0:01:28.800 It's giving. 0:01:29.880 --> 0:01:33.760 I went to my best friends Priscilla. Okay, Priscilla is 0:01:33.760 --> 0:01:37.280 a hairstylist. She works on film The Motherfuckers is on 0:01:37.400 --> 0:01:41.200 Striker right now along with the writers though, but she 0:01:41.360 --> 0:01:44.000 turned forty this past week girl, so we had a 0:01:44.080 --> 0:01:46.399 nice little celebration and she was so beautiful. 0:01:47.240 --> 0:01:47.520 Bitch. 0:01:48.480 --> 0:01:51.000 Yeah, she had a wardrobe changes and all types of 0:01:51.040 --> 0:01:54.120 shit going on. 0:01:55.560 --> 0:01:56.640 We had a good time. 0:01:57.560 --> 0:01:59.880 I ruined my weekend, though, so we hung out all 0:02:00.040 --> 0:02:03.520 Saturday and then I don't know what possessed We went 0:02:03.560 --> 0:02:06.560 to breakfast at Barney's, me and my other friend, and 0:02:06.640 --> 0:02:09.280 then I went home and took an edible off her 0:02:09.320 --> 0:02:13.119 kitchen counter, and that shit put me down from. 0:02:12.960 --> 0:02:14.320 Six to fucking six. 0:02:14.560 --> 0:02:17.919 You was in the bed just yes, like. 0:02:19.639 --> 0:02:22.919 Coulding move Now. I can't say that. I don't want 0:02:22.919 --> 0:02:23.519 to do it again. 0:02:25.400 --> 0:02:27.960 I just can't have shit to do because that was 0:02:28.000 --> 0:02:32.320 a nice little comatose damn feeling what I did all weekend. 0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:33.000 I'm giving the fuck. 0:02:33.120 --> 0:02:36.080 I ain't just another iron do shit weekend. I'm like 0:02:36.240 --> 0:02:39.040 not drinking and I'm not smoking right now, and I'm 0:02:39.080 --> 0:02:42.200 not having sex and I'm just not so I've been 0:02:42.240 --> 0:02:48.160 in the house like not nothing, not nothing, reading and 0:02:48.320 --> 0:02:52.840 going to bed at nine thirty. So that's been my weekend. 0:02:52.919 --> 0:02:56.160 I don't have nothing and working out. I've been working out, 0:02:56.200 --> 0:02:59.480 Like last week, I cycled forty miles. 0:03:00.360 --> 0:03:03.520 Nice, that's the most I ever did any Nice. You 0:03:03.560 --> 0:03:06.440 gotta bicycle? Why you don't ride your bike any. 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:08.760 Because the weather is just so weird, Like one minute 0:03:08.760 --> 0:03:10.239 it's hot, the next minute is raining. 0:03:11.000 --> 0:03:13.800 I don't know, pack some water, bit I was packed 0:03:13.840 --> 0:03:14.959 some water and get outside. 0:03:15.120 --> 0:03:17.280 But that's all. That's all good. It sounds like you're 0:03:17.600 --> 0:03:21.320 doing some detoxing. Yeah, unintentional detoxing. 0:03:21.680 --> 0:03:25.160 So yeah, it wasn't intentional. It's just happening this way. Well, 0:03:25.200 --> 0:03:27.440 I did remove the penis from my life on purpose. 0:03:28.360 --> 0:03:30.280 I don't want no male right now. 0:03:31.440 --> 0:03:36.480 Gorilla Glow was on Angie Martinez Show, and she was saying, like, 0:03:36.600 --> 0:03:43.360 right before Gorilla Glow, Glorrella. 0:03:45.000 --> 0:03:45.640 Girl, I don't know what. 0:03:45.680 --> 0:03:58.680 I'm sure you name Corolla, Gorilla Glue, look look no, 0:03:58.760 --> 0:04:02.320 but Glorella said, right, but for her little fuck. 0:04:02.160 --> 0:04:04.400 Nigga free song came out of her and her homegirl 0:04:04.440 --> 0:04:06.120 like me like a pack like man, we ain't fucking 0:04:06.120 --> 0:04:10.960 with nobody for six for sixty days. And she said, 0:04:11.400 --> 0:04:14.480 like meditating and fasting and all types of ship. 0:04:15.120 --> 0:04:15.960 And then look at. 0:04:17.720 --> 0:04:20.760 Wallet right where you get these fun boys out your life? 0:04:21.120 --> 0:04:21.280 Man? 0:04:21.320 --> 0:04:23.760 Because men definitely, I guess they feel the same way 0:04:23.760 --> 0:04:26.680 about women. Could be a distraction, a bad relationship. 0:04:26.839 --> 0:04:30.159 I'm just gonna stay away everybody from everybody intol. Drake 0:04:30.200 --> 0:04:36.279 get here next month. So there's sad. You heard your 0:04:36.320 --> 0:04:37.080 hair set it up? 0:04:37.560 --> 0:04:40.080 Huh you already set it up? 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:44.599 Yeah, I set that up. That's emotion. That's emotion. 0:04:44.800 --> 0:04:51.760 Maybe I watch I would come to your fucking house. 0:04:51.800 --> 0:04:53.880 You got a Drake name in a jar somewhere, and that. 0:04:56.240 --> 0:04:58.359 Is that something to do? Is that something I can do? 0:04:58.680 --> 0:04:59.360 I will put it in. 0:05:00.800 --> 0:05:02.760 Drake gonna come to Charlae? Like why do I keep 0:05:02.760 --> 0:05:04.800 thinking about this person named Tamala? 0:05:05.240 --> 0:05:10.360 Like what is happening? I just gotta find her. He 0:05:10.400 --> 0:05:11.440 ain't gonna know why. 0:05:11.680 --> 0:05:15.080 Drake gonna beat hit his Instagram story, Tamala, Tamala, are 0:05:15.120 --> 0:05:15.960 you if you're out there? 0:05:16.279 --> 0:05:16.599 Hear me? 0:05:16.760 --> 0:05:20.640 I'm here, baby, I got this meanwhile me while I 0:05:20.640 --> 0:05:22.600 got his name in a jar with a chicken head 0:05:22.680 --> 0:05:27.000 or some shit we's stirring that ship up, y'all. 0:05:27.000 --> 0:05:27.520 That's jokes. 0:05:27.520 --> 0:05:29.760 I would never do anything like that because I don't 0:05:29.800 --> 0:05:34.160 know how to because I don't know if I knew 0:05:34.160 --> 0:05:34.640 how to get. 0:05:34.600 --> 0:05:39.080 Attention as everything. Yeah, I just intention as everything manifesting. 0:05:38.520 --> 0:05:43.920 With my thoughts, not no chicken head. Let's get into 0:05:43.960 --> 0:05:45.080 stupid internet news. 0:05:47.279 --> 0:05:48.400 What we got going on? 0:05:48.640 --> 0:05:49.000 Child? 0:05:49.360 --> 0:05:54.599 Oh, Bob Barker died from the Price Is Right. That's 0:05:54.640 --> 0:05:57.320 like a piece of my childhood dying. When my grandma 0:05:57.400 --> 0:06:00.559 used to babysit me. We watched Price Is Right, Young 0:06:00.600 --> 0:06:05.560 and the Restless, General Hospital, Days of our. 0:06:05.400 --> 0:06:11.080 Lives and all mash. 0:06:11.320 --> 0:06:13.200 That's not like my un birthday girl in the back 0:06:13.240 --> 0:06:15.480 of the restaurant. We got a soul for restaurant here 0:06:15.480 --> 0:06:17.880 in Charleston, that's all. She used to watch that same 0:06:17.920 --> 0:06:21.400 little liner. What happened to the daytime shows? 0:06:21.520 --> 0:06:24.160 They still come on? Do they? 0:06:24.200 --> 0:06:24.800 Yeah? 0:06:25.000 --> 0:06:28.080 You just out living? That's what grandma. 0:06:28.200 --> 0:06:31.120 What's the last time you've seen a daytime show? And 0:06:31.160 --> 0:06:32.400 who are the characters now? 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:36.040 Victor Newman is still getting it? What? 0:06:36.200 --> 0:06:37.080 I don't believe. 0:06:39.680 --> 0:06:42.280 Young and Restless they need to. 0:06:42.200 --> 0:06:47.719 Call that old and rest Y're old and rested because y'all. 0:06:48.640 --> 0:06:50.320 Y'all should have rested by this point. 0:06:51.760 --> 0:06:53.160 I had to look that up and see if it's 0:06:53.160 --> 0:06:54.279 actually God. 0:06:54.320 --> 0:06:56.000 I don't believe they still come on. 0:06:57.480 --> 0:06:59.679 Who's watching that? Like, how do they have the rating? 0:06:59.760 --> 0:07:03.560 There's still people like getting older and watching that ship? 0:07:04.720 --> 0:07:09.120 I don't watch, right, Pat Man, I always wanted to 0:07:09.160 --> 0:07:12.120 go on prices right, he too, like I in my mind, 0:07:12.160 --> 0:07:13.920 I know how to play all the fucking games and 0:07:14.040 --> 0:07:17.120 Ilko Blinko, Yeah, I. 0:07:17.080 --> 0:07:19.440 Love playing always be fucking up. 0:07:19.480 --> 0:07:23.280 Yeah, and don't it's concerned, like you can't guess they'd 0:07:23.280 --> 0:07:26.680 be like, how much is this fucking vacuum cleaner? Is 0:07:26.720 --> 0:07:30.760 it more than eighty dollars or less than eighty dollars? 0:07:31.000 --> 0:07:34.480 And this this vacuum cleaner got Bluetooth screened on it. 0:07:34.480 --> 0:07:37.200 It kid, it got hos, it got all kinds of shit. 0:07:37.360 --> 0:07:38.680 It's more than eighty dollars. 0:07:38.760 --> 0:07:41.400 Clearly, why are you to my least stand? I used 0:07:41.400 --> 0:07:44.520 to be so mad at them people, even as a 0:07:44.520 --> 0:07:46.840 little kid. And Plinko I used to love that game too. 0:07:47.680 --> 0:07:50.160 But rest of pizza Bot Barker, he was ninety nine 0:07:50.200 --> 0:07:53.680 years old. He had a long, good life, So that's 0:07:53.720 --> 0:08:00.120 a blessing. He stayed right up onder a dollar all 0:08:00.880 --> 0:08:02.760 he used to say, come on down. Now he went 0:08:02.840 --> 0:08:03.280 on up. 0:08:03.440 --> 0:08:04.960 In the name of Jesus, say man. 0:08:05.040 --> 0:08:09.120 All right, So speaking of bar BARKI, y'all listen, let's 0:08:09.120 --> 0:08:11.920 go ahead throw this in there. Michael Jackson's birthday was 0:08:11.960 --> 0:08:12.600 on Tuesday. 0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:18.000 Happy birthday to the greatest ever do in life. There'll 0:08:18.040 --> 0:08:20.520 never be another artist in our lifetime that comes to 0:08:20.600 --> 0:08:23.840 close close to the celebrity he had. That man could, 0:08:24.200 --> 0:08:28.640 that man could stand on stage silent, not open his mouth, 0:08:28.640 --> 0:08:31.120 and not do one dance, not kick his foot one time, 0:08:31.560 --> 0:08:33.640 and the whole all them white girls and people be 0:08:33.720 --> 0:08:35.920 screaming past fainting. 0:08:37.240 --> 0:08:39.680 It's his energy, man, his energy was too much for this, 0:08:39.840 --> 0:08:42.240 for this real. And Michael said, Man, I'm getting the 0:08:42.240 --> 0:08:42.959 fun up out of here. 0:08:43.320 --> 0:08:45.320 I think he meant to harn it. I don't think 0:08:45.360 --> 0:08:46.200 he meant to go though. 0:08:47.880 --> 0:08:49.920 Mmm. Some said he not dead. I don't know. There's 0:08:49.920 --> 0:09:02.360 a lot of mm hmm. All right, p Michael, all right. 0:09:02.440 --> 0:09:06.559 So a Canadian KFC marketing campaign is receiving backlash of 0:09:06.640 --> 0:09:09.800 social media after many users find the imaging to be 0:09:10.600 --> 0:09:12.160 culturally insensitive. 0:09:12.360 --> 0:09:14.920 Okay, so images from the campaign are starting to go 0:09:15.120 --> 0:09:20.760 viral after they were posted to x Twitter by x F. 0:09:21.120 --> 0:09:23.760 Well you know Twitter is now x so it's posted 0:09:23.840 --> 0:09:27.959 to X by KFC Canadians director of marketing. Once the 0:09:28.000 --> 0:09:31.640 images began to receive criticism for their lack of diversity, 0:09:31.679 --> 0:09:34.280 the director of marketing apologized and shared a sixty second 0:09:34.280 --> 0:09:39.959 commercial that says it's more representative representative of Canada's diversity 0:09:40.400 --> 0:09:41.640 and their creativity. 0:09:42.000 --> 0:09:44.440 So it's just some black people eating chicken, and shit. 0:09:46.160 --> 0:09:47.480 Love chicken. I love chicken. 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:49.679 If I was in that commercial, I would look just 0:09:49.800 --> 0:09:52.720 the same way eating that chicken. What's the problem. 0:09:54.040 --> 0:09:55.640 Okay, I don't like chicken. 0:09:55.679 --> 0:09:58.120 You know, I don't eat chicken, and I don't remember 0:09:58.200 --> 0:10:00.640 KFC tasting good for many years. To fo, I stop 0:10:00.679 --> 0:10:04.040 eating chicken? Is that really the healthiest thing for niggas 0:10:04.080 --> 0:10:06.800 to be eating? Absolutely not. Stop marketing that shit to 0:10:06.800 --> 0:10:09.320 our people any topic, which is okay. 0:10:09.400 --> 0:10:12.480 But I love chicken. The KFC and Jamaica is so bombed. 0:10:12.520 --> 0:10:15.240 Every time I go to CA Jamaica, I'm gonna have 0:10:15.360 --> 0:10:17.120 that KFC and get them little wings. 0:10:17.400 --> 0:10:18.080 I have wings. 0:10:18.320 --> 0:10:21.280 Yesterday I happen to enjoy fried chicken, and if I 0:10:21.400 --> 0:10:23.280 was in a campaign for chicken. That's how I would 0:10:23.320 --> 0:10:25.920 eat the motherfucking chicken. You know what, It just it 0:10:26.040 --> 0:10:29.840 pisses me off. Like the June Teeth celebration and they 0:10:29.920 --> 0:10:34.040 had like chicken and strawberry soda and strawberry cake and 0:10:34.160 --> 0:10:37.679 watermelon and all these things and people were mad about it. 0:10:37.760 --> 0:10:40.680 Black people are like, oh, this is this culturally insensitive. 0:10:40.800 --> 0:10:41.920 It's what we enjoy. 0:10:42.559 --> 0:10:45.040 Now. We ain't gonna have no watermelon and fried chicken 0:10:45.120 --> 0:10:47.600 for June Teeth because y'all mad what y'all want to eat? 0:10:48.440 --> 0:10:49.960 What y'all want to eat for jew companies? 0:10:50.080 --> 0:10:52.120 Like what more do you want from Ray? 0:10:53.679 --> 0:10:56.600 People just be mad about finding anything to be mad about. Meanwhile, 0:10:56.640 --> 0:10:58.480 student Loan is still crazy. That's what we need to 0:10:58.520 --> 0:11:00.200 be talking about, not no fucking. 0:11:02.600 --> 0:11:03.080 Campaign. 0:11:04.240 --> 0:11:06.880 And I didn't do my full due diligence with this story, right, 0:11:06.960 --> 0:11:09.160 So is it white people that were feeling some type 0:11:09.160 --> 0:11:10.440 of way because it's black people. 0:11:10.200 --> 0:11:10.920 In the utensils? 0:11:11.160 --> 0:11:14.280 No, because if you look at the full sixty second video, 0:11:14.559 --> 0:11:17.439 it's all kinds of racist in the video, right, But 0:11:17.760 --> 0:11:21.240 just in those billboards, there's black people and their reflection 0:11:21.520 --> 0:11:26.520 in the silverware, and they look to be like munching 0:11:26.559 --> 0:11:30.280 on some chicken and having enjoying it. And it's and 0:11:30.360 --> 0:11:32.679 I guess it's black people that are upset about it. 0:11:33.960 --> 0:11:35.679 But judges, I just feel like y'all need to find 0:11:35.720 --> 0:11:36.800 something else to be mad about. 0:11:37.320 --> 0:11:39.719 Yeah, I don't lend my energies no bullshit. Nowadays, we 0:11:39.760 --> 0:11:41.920 got bigger friends to fry. We got way biggert shit 0:11:41.960 --> 0:11:44.719 to worry about. Y'all see COVID coming back down the pipeline? Right, 0:11:45.040 --> 0:11:45.880 is your house in order? 0:11:45.880 --> 0:11:48.280 All right? We got Are you prepared chicken to fry? 0:11:48.360 --> 0:11:49.160 No pun intended? 0:11:49.400 --> 0:11:51.839 Are you gonna be duped this go around? Are we 0:11:51.920 --> 0:11:55.440 gonna stand together? And I'll be complicit with the government. 0:11:55.800 --> 0:11:56.480 I know one thing. 0:11:56.640 --> 0:12:00.280 I'm about to get my only fans backdrop all thegether 0:12:00.400 --> 0:12:02.280 for when it happens, because I'm not gonna miss that 0:12:02.400 --> 0:12:03.040 money this time. 0:12:03.120 --> 0:12:05.360 I promise you that I'm gonna be on there like NPC. 0:12:05.960 --> 0:12:09.079 Oh yeah, grace, yes, yes, good, yes, yes, yes, thank you, 0:12:10.000 --> 0:12:11.920 thank you, thank you, yes, yes. 0:12:12.200 --> 0:12:20.280 Thank you. No speaking of her, he's so good. I sorry. 0:12:21.320 --> 0:12:24.400 Brown skin, how she get herself light skin on? Their? 0:12:24.920 --> 0:12:25.679 What kind of filter? 0:12:26.160 --> 0:12:27.840 Staying with everybody else? Light skin? 0:12:28.200 --> 0:12:30.920 Put the heavy makeup on top of the filters, on 0:12:31.040 --> 0:12:33.120 top of it. She's a pretty girl. 0:12:33.400 --> 0:12:36.280 She's pretty brown. That's crazy. 0:12:36.320 --> 0:12:37.040 Maybe it's a lighting. 0:12:37.360 --> 0:12:39.199 It could be right now. 0:12:40.920 --> 0:12:43.520 Yeah, that's because like the light is coming through my window. 0:12:43.920 --> 0:12:46.160 So I really have to dark it, black it out 0:12:46.200 --> 0:12:48.800 in here for it not to look like this. But yeah, 0:12:48.880 --> 0:12:50.880 so maybe maybe she has a lot of lighting in 0:12:51.000 --> 0:12:51.680 her apartment. 0:12:51.960 --> 0:12:53.839 Bitch. I don't just look light skin, I look like 0:12:54.600 --> 0:12:56.920 this is my whole soul. You've see in right now? 0:12:57.440 --> 0:12:57.600 Oh? 0:12:57.679 --> 0:12:57.920 Really? 0:12:58.040 --> 0:13:00.920 Is that what it is? Is it is no light 0:13:01.200 --> 0:13:02.040 shining in on you? 0:13:03.520 --> 0:13:04.720 No, it's my soul. 0:13:04.960 --> 0:13:07.760 Okay, Well, y'all, AJ soul showed up to work today. 0:13:13.559 --> 0:13:19.000 Thank you, So y'all we had Thank you, stupid. We 0:13:19.320 --> 0:13:24.240 have Elliott Connie on today and he's definitely going to 0:13:24.280 --> 0:13:27.839 give us a mini therapy session and possibly you two, 0:13:28.320 --> 0:13:28.880 so tune in. 0:13:29.240 --> 0:13:30.960 We'll be right back with him in just a second. 0:13:35.080 --> 0:13:36.720 Yeah, all right, y'all listen. 0:13:36.920 --> 0:13:40.199 So today's guest. You know, it's pretty fitting for we 0:13:41.040 --> 0:13:45.760 talk back. He has lectured all throughout the US and internationally. 0:13:45.880 --> 0:13:52.560 He's a psycho therapist who specializes in solution focused brief therapy. 0:13:52.679 --> 0:13:55.559 He's the founder of Solution focused universe and maintains a 0:13:55.640 --> 0:13:56.440 private practice. 0:13:56.840 --> 0:13:59.880 He's written and published four books. Okay, he's a big deal. 0:14:00.160 --> 0:14:02.839 Also feature in a breakfast club recently, and he's a 0:14:02.880 --> 0:14:04.400 fellow podcaster. Y'all. 0:14:04.520 --> 0:14:10.800 Welcome mister Elliott Connie. So we talk back and yeah, hey, 0:14:10.880 --> 0:14:11.640 thank you for coming. 0:14:11.760 --> 0:14:15.480 Free therapy. Yeah, how you doing, man? 0:14:16.240 --> 0:14:18.000 I'm doing great. I don't love the word free, but 0:14:18.040 --> 0:14:18.640 I'm doing great. 0:14:21.120 --> 0:14:22.400 If it's free, it's for me. 0:14:24.000 --> 0:14:26.200 Just happy to be here. I'll do whatever y'all want. 0:14:26.760 --> 0:14:28.720 Ooh, go threaten me with a good time. 0:14:28.800 --> 0:14:33.120 Okay, best hour of your life coming right. 0:14:33.120 --> 0:14:37.440 Up, y'all, So listen. 0:14:37.680 --> 0:14:43.880 I think that uh, millennials are probably the first generation 0:14:44.000 --> 0:14:48.680 of people who try and tie their adulthood back to childhood. 0:14:49.160 --> 0:14:49.320 Right. 0:14:49.720 --> 0:14:51.960 So I wanted to talk with Elliott a little bit today, 0:14:52.080 --> 0:14:54.680 you know, about what he does as a psychotherapist. 0:14:54.760 --> 0:14:56.800 What exactly is psychotherapy? 0:14:57.280 --> 0:14:59.160 And I want to talk about childhood because I'm going 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:06.040 through it right now, okay, with family, absolutely. 0:15:05.040 --> 0:15:07.240 I'm going through it with these niggas. So we're going 0:15:07.280 --> 0:15:09.360 to talk about family. Then we go to talk about these. 0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:13.240 What do you want to start? Ask me anything you want? 0:15:13.520 --> 0:15:14.600 What is psychotherapy? 0:15:15.160 --> 0:15:19.720 Psychotherapy? Is just it's counseling, right. Psychotherapy is addressing your 0:15:19.800 --> 0:15:24.440 mental health concerns or issues through counseling. Even better, stated, 0:15:24.880 --> 0:15:26.560 the way I would like to think about it is 0:15:26.600 --> 0:15:29.400 psychotherapy is healing. It's about healing. 0:15:30.120 --> 0:15:33.800 So the type of therapy that you offer this solution 0:15:34.040 --> 0:15:37.960 focused brief therapy, Right, what's the difference between. 0:15:39.120 --> 0:15:41.840 That and cognitive behavioral therapy? 0:15:42.360 --> 0:15:45.040 And then what's the difference between those two and just 0:15:45.320 --> 0:15:49.200 counseling or a life coach basically right? 0:15:49.480 --> 0:15:53.160 So, well, a life coach is not usually a licensed professional. Right, 0:15:53.760 --> 0:15:56.840 Between solution focused brief therapy and someone doing cognit behavioral 0:15:56.920 --> 0:16:00.280 therapies are usually in my position, that's a life since 0:16:00.320 --> 0:16:04.560 professional life coach wouldn't be. The difference between solution focused 0:16:04.560 --> 0:16:08.680 brief therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy, however, is like night 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:11.560 and day, like the way that I do there, Well, 0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:14.000 let me go all the way back. I had a really, 0:16:14.080 --> 0:16:18.880 really difficult childhood. My father was super abusive. I grew 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:24.480 up anxious, depressed, suicidal, no confidence, all of it. And 0:16:25.760 --> 0:16:29.560 by the time I got into college and was kind 0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:32.320 of growing, maturing and doing my own work to heal, 0:16:33.080 --> 0:16:35.200 I decided I want to become a psychotherapist to help 0:16:35.240 --> 0:16:38.360 people that were struggling. And I went to graduate school 0:16:39.880 --> 0:16:42.360 and I had a school that was teaching me about 0:16:42.400 --> 0:16:45.240 cognitive behavioral therapy. At the time, it was one of 0:16:45.280 --> 0:16:48.560 the most popular ways to do therapy, and I just 0:16:48.640 --> 0:16:51.360 thought it would have made me miserable to do that. 0:16:52.240 --> 0:16:54.480 It would have made me miserable as a human being. 0:16:54.600 --> 0:16:56.640 But to do cognitive behavioral therapy, I have to talk 0:16:56.680 --> 0:16:59.840 to you about what's wrong with you to help fix it. 0:17:00.640 --> 0:17:02.360 But I didn't want to talk to anybody about what's 0:17:02.400 --> 0:17:06.119 wrong with me, not in that way. I wanted to 0:17:06.160 --> 0:17:12.080 talk to people about hopes and dreams, warmth, love, care, proper, true, 0:17:12.240 --> 0:17:17.359 genuine healing, and right when I decided to quit graduate school, 0:17:17.440 --> 0:17:19.800 I learned about this thing called solution focused brief therapy, 0:17:19.960 --> 0:17:23.560 which is about all of those things. It's it's accomplishing 0:17:23.720 --> 0:17:26.080 healing through a focus on what's right with you versus 0:17:26.160 --> 0:17:28.960 what's wrong with you. And for me, as someone with 0:17:29.080 --> 0:17:31.800 a super trauma background, I was like this, I want 0:17:32.359 --> 0:17:32.840 I want this. 0:17:33.280 --> 0:17:34.360 Do you feel you about to cry? 0:17:34.480 --> 0:17:37.400 Tamn? Hold on No. I was listening because I'm thinking 0:17:37.440 --> 0:17:40.600 about the therapist I had. I mean it's a bitch. 0:17:40.680 --> 0:17:42.440 Had me like, all right, I want you to write 0:17:42.440 --> 0:17:46.359 a letter to your parents and your childhood. And it happened. 0:17:46.359 --> 0:17:48.520 And then I wrote this letter and I was She's like, okay, 0:17:48.600 --> 0:17:50.359 let's read the letter out loud, and I was like, 0:17:52.160 --> 0:17:54.159 crying hard, it's not and she was. 0:17:54.240 --> 0:17:55.600 Like, okay, that's her time. 0:17:55.680 --> 0:17:57.840 I'll see you next time. It's like, girl, you had 0:17:57.880 --> 0:18:00.879 me unpack all this shit for nothing, did nothing with it. 0:18:01.000 --> 0:18:01.360 We read. 0:18:01.480 --> 0:18:04.560 I read my letter out loud, and then I was 0:18:04.600 --> 0:18:06.439 supposed to do an event that night and I had 0:18:06.480 --> 0:18:09.280 to cancel because I had pulled all this shit out 0:18:09.320 --> 0:18:10.920 of me and said it on the on the couch 0:18:11.040 --> 0:18:12.680 with me and then just left it there. 0:18:12.760 --> 0:18:14.480 It pissed me off so bad. I was like, I 0:18:14.520 --> 0:18:16.160 can't believe I paid this bitch. 0:18:18.200 --> 0:18:19.320 And leave it on my couch. 0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:22.280 She said about, well, that's our time. No the fuck 0:18:22.320 --> 0:18:22.920 it ain't bitch. 0:18:23.160 --> 0:18:24.160 You better right. 0:18:27.480 --> 0:18:32.200 To me like that. People we have this weird thought 0:18:32.320 --> 0:18:35.200 that like I should be able to ask you anything 0:18:35.920 --> 0:18:37.320 and you should be able to talk about it. So 0:18:37.480 --> 0:18:40.000 therapy is about making you and that ain't true. There's 0:18:40.000 --> 0:18:42.200 a lot of shit I don't want to relive and 0:18:43.000 --> 0:18:45.120 haven't healed from it. It just means I don't want 0:18:45.119 --> 0:18:49.080 to relive that shit. And therapy shouldn't be about tell 0:18:49.119 --> 0:18:52.440 me about your deepest, darkest wounds. Therapy should be about 0:18:52.520 --> 0:18:57.119 tell me about your greatness and life that leans so 0:18:57.400 --> 0:19:01.560 far into you, a greatness that your difficulties become part 0:19:01.640 --> 0:19:05.840 of your greatness story. That to me got me super 0:19:05.920 --> 0:19:08.600 hype about mental health like that. That for me, that 0:19:08.720 --> 0:19:11.600 became my drug. I was all in right, like right 0:19:11.640 --> 0:19:12.560 then and there. I was all in. 0:19:13.160 --> 0:19:15.359 That sound good. That sounds way better than the shit 0:19:15.440 --> 0:19:16.800 I was doing, way better. 0:19:17.480 --> 0:19:18.920 That's why I do what I do. That's why I 0:19:19.000 --> 0:19:21.160 write my books. That's why I travel the world. That's 0:19:21.160 --> 0:19:22.760 why I go in to breakfast club, That's why I 0:19:22.800 --> 0:19:23.480 do all these things. 0:19:23.680 --> 0:19:24.480 Yeah, I was watching it. 0:19:24.600 --> 0:19:26.800 I watched that interview before and you said something on 0:19:26.920 --> 0:19:29.840 there and I was like, Yo, you said, you're when 0:19:29.880 --> 0:19:33.080 your pain is your purpose, fact right, and it doesn't 0:19:33.160 --> 0:19:33.920 hurt you anymore. 0:19:35.200 --> 0:19:38.280 I felt that that's true. So when you say come 0:19:38.320 --> 0:19:41.000 to a purpose, it cannot cause you injury. 0:19:41.200 --> 0:19:43.440 I feel like us doing this podcast right, and we 0:19:43.600 --> 0:19:46.240 lay a lot of our personal lives and business out, 0:19:46.480 --> 0:19:49.680 so do a lot of other shows. Right, this has 0:19:49.760 --> 0:19:53.160 now and become our purpose because I feel like I'm 0:19:53.160 --> 0:19:55.280 one of those people who really don't need therapy. I 0:19:55.359 --> 0:19:57.240 can talk to anybody about my shit and I'm gonna 0:19:57.240 --> 0:19:59.800 tell you everything, right, no problem. 0:20:00.280 --> 0:20:02.480 I could tell anybody a stranger on the street. I 0:20:02.600 --> 0:20:06.399 just need to be able to vocalize what it is that. 0:20:06.440 --> 0:20:09.000 I'm going through and I might have to say it 0:20:09.080 --> 0:20:12.399 ten times until I actually get the healing and I'm 0:20:12.480 --> 0:20:14.560 over it. And just because I'm still talking about it right, 0:20:14.960 --> 0:20:16.440 doesn't mean I'm not healed from it. 0:20:17.160 --> 0:20:17.440 Correct. 0:20:17.680 --> 0:20:20.479 See, I'm different. I can talk about it till I'm 0:20:20.480 --> 0:20:21.080 blue in the face. 0:20:21.160 --> 0:20:23.840 But if I don't have any tools to correct anything, 0:20:24.280 --> 0:20:27.000 it doesn't change anything for me, you know, Like I 0:20:27.040 --> 0:20:29.520 can express like what I'm going through with a friend 0:20:29.600 --> 0:20:31.960 and this friend and that friend and still feel it 0:20:32.080 --> 0:20:33.880 when I hang up with everybody else if I don't 0:20:33.920 --> 0:20:37.399 have any direction on how to fix whatever it is. 0:20:38.200 --> 0:20:41.280 But that's why I know when your purpose is so important, right, Like, 0:20:41.560 --> 0:20:44.160 when you know your purpose, you can endure any hardship. 0:20:44.840 --> 0:20:47.560 One of my personal heroes as an example, one of 0:20:47.640 --> 0:20:49.840 my personal heroes, and I'm a reader. I don't know 0:20:49.840 --> 0:20:54.919 if you guys are like, oh, we're super readers. Reading 0:20:55.080 --> 0:20:58.880 the book Long Walk to Freedom by Nelson Mandela changed 0:20:58.920 --> 0:21:03.000 my life. And the reason changed my life is I 0:21:03.119 --> 0:21:04.960 read it at a time where I was like searching 0:21:05.000 --> 0:21:07.200 for what I'm going to do with my life. And 0:21:07.480 --> 0:21:11.920 Mandela endured more hardship than maybe anyone I know of 0:21:13.520 --> 0:21:17.240 and accomplish more triumph through that hardship. And the entire 0:21:17.400 --> 0:21:22.040 reason was because he knew his purpose the whole time. Yes, 0:21:22.840 --> 0:21:25.639 so I think what happens is too often we focus 0:21:25.720 --> 0:21:29.880 on the hardship. But Medeeba had a way, Medeeba being 0:21:29.960 --> 0:21:34.680 his chief name, he had a way of understanding, like, 0:21:34.760 --> 0:21:36.760 you can throw me in any prison cell you want. 0:21:37.760 --> 0:21:40.520 My job is to endure this so that I can 0:21:40.600 --> 0:21:45.040 set my people free. Yes, well, so when I recognize, 0:21:45.320 --> 0:21:48.840 like my father was not a very kind man to me, 0:21:49.920 --> 0:21:54.399 and he would punish harshly, beat me harshly, call me 0:21:54.480 --> 0:21:56.440 horrible names, which by the way, had way more of 0:21:56.480 --> 0:22:00.880 a negative impact than the beatings did. But what if 0:22:01.000 --> 0:22:03.240 my job is to now go talk to black people 0:22:03.240 --> 0:22:05.760 about mental health. Now, all of a sudden, I'm like 0:22:05.920 --> 0:22:09.040 proud of what I endured because now I carry this 0:22:09.200 --> 0:22:12.119 message that I can go to the breakfast club and 0:22:12.400 --> 0:22:14.840 talk about how important this is. I can write the 0:22:14.880 --> 0:22:17.560 books I write. I can travel to South Africa and 0:22:17.640 --> 0:22:22.880 talk to people like mental health is important and here's why. 0:22:23.640 --> 0:22:25.920 If I had a normal, traditional childhood, I wouldn't be 0:22:25.920 --> 0:22:28.879 able to carry this message right. Well, once you realize 0:22:28.960 --> 0:22:31.480 that it doesn't cause you pain anymore, like I'm proud 0:22:31.520 --> 0:22:31.639 of it. 0:22:31.800 --> 0:22:35.000 Actually, were you able to repair the relationship with your father? 0:22:37.160 --> 0:22:40.320 That's a tricky question. I'll say yes and no. The 0:22:40.400 --> 0:22:42.760 reason I'll say I was the yes part is I 0:22:42.920 --> 0:22:46.000 was able to tell him When I was nineteen years old, 0:22:46.160 --> 0:22:48.200 I was on the brink of like suicide and I 0:22:48.280 --> 0:22:50.159 was like, look, bro, I'm about to check out of here. 0:22:51.040 --> 0:22:53.520 And I realized I got to live a life where 0:22:53.600 --> 0:22:57.280 no one is yelling at me, hitting me, calling me names, 0:22:57.320 --> 0:22:59.600 and cursing at me. I was like, bro, I can 0:22:59.680 --> 0:23:02.880 handle anything not on this list. These are the four 0:23:03.000 --> 0:23:06.000 things I can't tolerate, but I'll deal with anything else. 0:23:06.560 --> 0:23:08.480 And my father said fuck you and he hung up 0:23:08.520 --> 0:23:11.200 the phone on me. And I haven't talked to him since. 0:23:12.040 --> 0:23:14.800 So have we been able to repair the relationship? In 0:23:14.880 --> 0:23:18.399 my opinion, yes, because I currently have a healthy relationship 0:23:18.720 --> 0:23:22.760 with an unhealthy person, because he has not been able 0:23:23.440 --> 0:23:26.280 to contact me in twenty years. I was nineteen when 0:23:26.320 --> 0:23:28.280 I said that. I'm forty six now, so twenty five 0:23:28.359 --> 0:23:31.680 years or over twenty five years. But he has not 0:23:31.840 --> 0:23:36.720 been able to resolve that. And I'm okay with that, 0:23:37.040 --> 0:23:40.800 right because most people, if your son said like I 0:23:40.840 --> 0:23:43.560 won't talk to you until you climb the Empire State Building, 0:23:43.680 --> 0:23:46.040 like being away from your child would be so difficult, 0:23:46.040 --> 0:23:47.359 You're going to figure out a way to climb the 0:23:47.440 --> 0:23:50.160 Empire State Building. My father, to this day, he can't 0:23:50.200 --> 0:23:52.879 follow those four rules. So I don't know what to 0:23:52.920 --> 0:23:55.600 do about that. I know I'm healed, and I know 0:23:55.760 --> 0:23:58.239 my dynamic with my father and my memory of who 0:23:58.320 --> 0:24:01.719 he was is healthy because I'm no longer being yelled at, 0:24:01.840 --> 0:24:03.760 hit cursed at, or called names. 0:24:04.320 --> 0:24:06.399 And I think that's the experience for a lot of 0:24:07.320 --> 0:24:07.920 black kids. 0:24:08.119 --> 0:24:10.360 Even right now, I see people cussing their kids out 0:24:10.840 --> 0:24:13.840 in public, and I feel like you've lost control as 0:24:13.920 --> 0:24:16.119 a parent if you have to dish that type of 0:24:16.160 --> 0:24:19.920 anger towards a little person who has half the life 0:24:20.000 --> 0:24:23.520 experiences of an adult. But kids get put on this 0:24:23.720 --> 0:24:26.800 pedestal and they're supposed to. You got to say things 0:24:26.840 --> 0:24:29.199 a million times. The kids they don't remember or they 0:24:29.240 --> 0:24:31.320 don't give a fuck, so you have to just you 0:24:31.440 --> 0:24:32.800 have to have a lot of patience. And I think, 0:24:32.880 --> 0:24:35.840 do you have kids, Elliott, I have a daughter, so 0:24:35.920 --> 0:24:36.440 you have a daughter. 0:24:36.520 --> 0:24:37.520 So Tam and I don't have kids. 0:24:37.560 --> 0:24:40.480 And I think if you live long enough without kids, 0:24:40.720 --> 0:24:44.120 like you, can you see different things, Like you see 0:24:44.280 --> 0:24:47.200 that kids are the blessing, right, So why would you 0:24:47.280 --> 0:24:49.520 disrespect something that I feel like chose you to come 0:24:49.600 --> 0:24:53.119 here and you just the portal by which the child 0:24:53.280 --> 0:24:56.040 or the spirit chose to get to this realm. 0:24:56.440 --> 0:24:58.719 But you owe it to it to take care of them. 0:24:59.000 --> 0:25:02.320 Oftentimes, even with your father, that's probably how his father 0:25:02.400 --> 0:25:02.920 treated him. 0:25:03.080 --> 0:25:05.159 That's probably how he was parented. You know. 0:25:05.560 --> 0:25:09.120 Yes, that's well our lack of parenting, so you thought 0:25:09.160 --> 0:25:11.960 that's how parenting was supposed to be, right, Yeah, Like. 0:25:12.080 --> 0:25:14.480 My father and I often don't share this story because 0:25:14.480 --> 0:25:16.040 I feel like it's his part of the story to tell. 0:25:16.400 --> 0:25:18.760 But there is something that happened in my father's past 0:25:19.080 --> 0:25:22.960 that created a trauma. And I forgive him, like I 0:25:23.160 --> 0:25:27.160 genuinely forgive him. I still don't want to be yelled at, cursed, 0:25:27.200 --> 0:25:31.160 a hit, or call names, but I legitimately forgive him. 0:25:31.200 --> 0:25:34.119 And if he called me right now and said, man, 0:25:34.200 --> 0:25:37.120 can we talk, I'll be hell, yeah, we can talk. 0:25:38.280 --> 0:25:41.119 I don't have any negative feelings, resentment, angered, none of that. 0:25:41.680 --> 0:25:43.920 But I think what you said is one hundredercent true. 0:25:44.000 --> 0:25:45.840 Like we hold kids to this standard that they're not 0:25:45.960 --> 0:25:46.760 ready to live up to. 0:25:46.840 --> 0:25:49.240 Yet, and that adults don't love it, Like adults just 0:25:49.320 --> 0:25:52.520 get to say, I'm grown, but you're doing this childishit. 0:25:52.600 --> 0:25:55.960 You really need your ass whoop, not the kid. I'd 0:25:56.040 --> 0:25:58.400 rather beat adults, like adults need to ask with way 0:25:58.480 --> 0:25:59.080 more than kids. 0:25:59.520 --> 0:26:01.480 I think that true. And how can we beat down 0:26:01.560 --> 0:26:05.960 some kid? And like the number one contributor to good 0:26:06.000 --> 0:26:09.359 decision making is self esteem. So if I tell if 0:26:09.359 --> 0:26:12.800 I'm beating down some kid verbally and physically, and then 0:26:12.840 --> 0:26:15.280 they're thirteen years old, freshman in high school and someone 0:26:15.320 --> 0:26:17.400 comes up to them and says like, hey, let's skip school, 0:26:17.520 --> 0:26:19.959 use drugs, go drinking, how are they supposed to make 0:26:20.040 --> 0:26:22.960 that decision right if we are not instilled in them 0:26:24.280 --> 0:26:28.680 good positive self esteem. And thinking about women, like how 0:26:28.720 --> 0:26:32.600 am I expecting a young woman to hold a male 0:26:32.760 --> 0:26:36.640 suitor accountable to how they're going to treat them if 0:26:36.720 --> 0:26:39.359 they haven't been taught they are a queen, like, you 0:26:39.560 --> 0:26:42.960 need to hold yourself to this standard, so only allow 0:26:43.119 --> 0:26:46.080 kings in your life. Right, we can't do that if 0:26:46.119 --> 0:26:49.680 we're talking down to them while they're youthful, Like, it's insane. 0:26:50.240 --> 0:26:50.440 Yeah. 0:26:50.480 --> 0:26:52.560 I feel like in the black community, we focus more 0:26:52.680 --> 0:26:57.120 on teaching little girls how to be well however they're 0:26:57.119 --> 0:26:59.000 supposed to be. Don't be fast, don't do this, don't 0:26:59.040 --> 0:27:02.160 do that, But we don't teach the boys that girl. 0:27:02.800 --> 0:27:05.920 Little girls are special. You're not supposed to run through them. 0:27:06.960 --> 0:27:08.440 You're supposed to handle them with care. 0:27:09.520 --> 0:27:11.000 I think that's true. I think we have to treat 0:27:11.080 --> 0:27:12.480 we have to teach both. I think we have to 0:27:12.560 --> 0:27:16.720 teach young men the value of themselves and young women 0:27:17.400 --> 0:27:19.080 young girls. And I think we have to teach young 0:27:19.119 --> 0:27:22.600 girls the value of themselves and young men. Like I'm 0:27:22.720 --> 0:27:25.399 now I will watch I mean, I can't help it. 0:27:25.440 --> 0:27:27.560 I'm a psychotherapist, and I will watch it on TV, 0:27:28.320 --> 0:27:31.480 I'll watch it on social media, and I'm like, how 0:27:31.560 --> 0:27:35.320 are you letting your partner say this shit to you? 0:27:35.960 --> 0:27:36.080 Right? 0:27:36.760 --> 0:27:43.280 You need to leave this person immediately like red flags everywhere, 0:27:43.520 --> 0:27:47.280 like you need to go today. And part of it 0:27:47.320 --> 0:27:49.520 is because we haven't. We haven't taught them like you 0:27:49.640 --> 0:27:54.280 should hold people accountable in your life so they'll treat 0:27:54.320 --> 0:27:55.960 you a certain way, and if they can't love up 0:27:56.000 --> 0:27:56.920 that standard, they gotta go. 0:27:57.440 --> 0:27:59.440 But it's not also in just what we tell our kids, 0:27:59.480 --> 0:28:01.280 because we can there and tell our kids like you 0:28:01.440 --> 0:28:03.520 need to have a man treat you nice and be 0:28:03.680 --> 0:28:05.399 kind to you, and then you get in a car 0:28:05.480 --> 0:28:08.200 with her and then you play my booty Whole Brown 0:28:08.320 --> 0:28:10.560 and all this music, Like you're playing this music around 0:28:10.600 --> 0:28:12.800 your child, but you're telling them one thing and then 0:28:12.880 --> 0:28:14.040 showing them something different. 0:28:14.240 --> 0:28:16.159 Are you with a man who doesn't treat me right? 0:28:16.280 --> 0:28:16.359 Right? 0:28:16.440 --> 0:28:17.920 So you have to a child right? 0:28:18.000 --> 0:28:19.639 You have to also walk it. 0:28:20.640 --> 0:28:22.320 But that's what I mean, that's the standard. That's the 0:28:22.359 --> 0:28:25.920 absolute standard. If I if I were in a relationship 0:28:25.960 --> 0:28:27.560 with either of the two of you and we had 0:28:27.600 --> 0:28:30.359 a daughter, I would I would tell my daughter you 0:28:30.480 --> 0:28:33.239 are a queen. I would tell my daughter you are 0:28:33.320 --> 0:28:35.880 deserving of being treated well. And my daughter would watch 0:28:35.960 --> 0:28:40.640 me open doors. My daughter would watch me serving you breakfast. 0:28:40.680 --> 0:28:43.600 My daughter would watch me carrying my load. My daughter 0:28:43.600 --> 0:28:46.520 would watch me treating you well, because then what happens 0:28:47.000 --> 0:28:49.720 is when some boy asks her on a date and 0:28:50.080 --> 0:28:52.240 doesn't open the door for her or whatever, not that 0:28:52.360 --> 0:28:54.280 that has to be the thing, but like, whatever it is, 0:28:54.640 --> 0:28:56.640 she's gonna be like, why are you I watched my 0:28:56.840 --> 0:29:00.440 dad do that to my mom, and my dad instilled 0:29:00.480 --> 0:29:02.560 in me that I deserve that. So the fact that 0:29:02.760 --> 0:29:04.760 I heard you call me a bitch to your friends, 0:29:04.880 --> 0:29:07.040 or I saw that text message where you said you 0:29:07.120 --> 0:29:10.240 wanted to run through me, I saw you not open 0:29:10.360 --> 0:29:12.760 the door for me, you made me pay for dinner 0:29:12.840 --> 0:29:14.680 last night, Like I'm just not gonna tolerate it. Like 0:29:16.080 --> 0:29:17.640 instilled in me that I deserve more than that. 0:29:17.800 --> 0:29:19.720 Absolutely, I would just stand at a door. I will 0:29:19.760 --> 0:29:21.680 stand at a car door if I'm on a date 0:29:21.680 --> 0:29:23.239 and a guy just goes and gets in his car, 0:29:23.280 --> 0:29:25.280 I'll just stand there at the door, like, what's happening here? 0:29:25.600 --> 0:29:27.640 I got to teach people, Yeah, I'm sorry, what is 0:29:27.720 --> 0:29:29.640 happening here? How am I going to get in. 0:29:32.760 --> 0:29:33.600 Absolutely correct? 0:29:34.720 --> 0:29:36.800 Would you ever have you ever told like a couple 0:29:36.880 --> 0:29:39.480 in therapy, like y'all just need to call this quiz. 0:29:39.840 --> 0:29:42.280 Y'all need to stop leave each other. Fuck alone, ma'am, 0:29:43.080 --> 0:29:43.960 leave right now? 0:29:45.040 --> 0:29:48.800 No, I have not ever, because my job is to 0:29:50.840 --> 0:29:52.200 if they want to be together, my job is to 0:29:52.200 --> 0:29:54.880 help them do that in a healthy way. So rather 0:29:55.040 --> 0:29:57.640 than say like, leave right now, I would say things 0:29:57.720 --> 0:29:59.240 like what kind of relationship do you want to be in? 0:30:00.000 --> 0:30:02.000 And then how do you conduct yourself in a way 0:30:02.040 --> 0:30:04.920 that causes him to rise to that occasion and vice versa. 0:30:06.480 --> 0:30:11.720 So, okay, I saw that Gunplay pulled a gun on 0:30:11.840 --> 0:30:14.640 his baby mama while she was holding the baby. What 0:30:14.720 --> 0:30:15.560 would you tell them? 0:30:16.480 --> 0:30:19.360 You wouldn't tell how to leave if they came to 0:30:19.520 --> 0:30:23.160 couple's therapy. That's different than if she came to therapy. Okay, 0:30:23.400 --> 0:30:25.360 if she came to therapy, I would say, yeah, like 0:30:26.240 --> 0:30:29.160 you've got to go, like this is an unsafe environment. 0:30:29.800 --> 0:30:31.920 And it makes me think of that old Maya Angelou 0:30:32.000 --> 0:30:33.920 quote when somebody tells you who they are, believe them 0:30:33.920 --> 0:30:36.160 the first time? I mean times. Does somebody have to 0:30:36.200 --> 0:30:38.880 pull a gun on you before you recognize this is 0:30:38.960 --> 0:30:40.360 not healthy and or safe? 0:30:41.040 --> 0:30:42.720 You bought a pull of gun first of all. 0:30:42.760 --> 0:30:45.120 If somebody tell me their name is Gunplay, I'm probably 0:30:45.200 --> 0:30:48.920 gonna be kind of weary of getting played with by 0:30:48.920 --> 0:30:49.320 a gun. 0:30:50.880 --> 0:30:54.440 Just me, just me, you know, I mean that's for me, 0:30:56.440 --> 0:30:58.880 the crazy pop culture we live in. Like you you 0:30:59.080 --> 0:31:01.960 never know, you know, you never know what people gonna 0:31:01.960 --> 0:31:05.080 call themsel But but my point would be, and I 0:31:05.200 --> 0:31:10.440 also think healing is accomplishable, and you can be called 0:31:10.520 --> 0:31:13.560 gun play and you can make mistakes, but some of 0:31:13.640 --> 0:31:16.080 these things are really super concerning. I saw that story 0:31:16.160 --> 0:31:16.800 this morning. 0:31:16.640 --> 0:31:19.360 Actually, and I was like, so if they came to 0:31:19.480 --> 0:31:21.920 you as a couple, you wouldn't just be like, girl, 0:31:21.960 --> 0:31:24.160 you need to leave to hint in front of me. 0:31:25.440 --> 0:31:28.640 If you need some help, baby, I take you out 0:31:28.760 --> 0:31:36.240 here right after this ship who if they ship behind 0:31:36.280 --> 0:31:40.240 that man back, Like we go to the restaurant. 0:31:40.280 --> 0:31:42.440 Baby, I'm gonna pull the car around back and you 0:31:42.560 --> 0:31:44.320 just hop in and I'm gonna take you somewhere safe. 0:31:45.120 --> 0:31:45.440 I know it. 0:31:45.560 --> 0:31:46.360 Man, I know a guy. 0:31:50.960 --> 0:31:52.520 If they come to me and they're like, hey, we 0:31:52.600 --> 0:31:54.360 want to have a healthy relationship to my job to 0:31:54.360 --> 0:31:56.360 help them accomplish it. And if they decide on their 0:31:56.400 --> 0:31:59.400 own that it's not accomplishable, then that's a different story. 0:32:00.160 --> 0:32:00.320 Yeah. 0:32:00.360 --> 0:32:04.400 I told that story just recently, Like the last couple's 0:32:04.480 --> 0:32:07.600 therapy session that I went to with my ex and 0:32:07.640 --> 0:32:10.280 my last relationship. That's I came to that conclusion, like, 0:32:10.400 --> 0:32:13.040 I can't do this anymore. Nobody had to tell me 0:32:13.960 --> 0:32:17.040 me just talking about this relationship. It takes approximately four 0:32:17.080 --> 0:32:20.719 and a half hours to tell you four years of bullshit, right. 0:32:21.680 --> 0:32:23.840 I came to that conclusion on my own. Just haven't 0:32:23.880 --> 0:32:25.960 talked through it that one last time. I'm like, I'm 0:32:26.000 --> 0:32:27.840 not doing this no more. Just me saying this shit 0:32:27.840 --> 0:32:28.280 out my mouth. 0:32:28.320 --> 0:32:30.960 I feel stupid. I feel stupid for all this shit 0:32:31.000 --> 0:32:31.920 I've endured. 0:32:32.240 --> 0:32:32.640 And we have. 0:32:32.960 --> 0:32:36.160 We have lots of friends throughout I have friends throughout 0:32:36.200 --> 0:32:39.400 my life and they will call me, hey, man, do 0:32:39.480 --> 0:32:41.040 you think what do you think about relation? I'm man, 0:32:41.120 --> 0:32:43.480 this is not healthy. This is not good. I have 0:32:43.920 --> 0:32:46.640 and now like doing the work that I do and 0:32:46.760 --> 0:32:49.400 working on a TV project and all these things. Like 0:32:49.440 --> 0:32:51.120 I hang out with a lot of celebrities and they 0:32:51.120 --> 0:32:53.600 will call me and I'll be like, no, you are 0:32:53.680 --> 0:32:55.880 not in a healthy relationship. But you know what they do. 0:32:56.000 --> 0:32:58.520 They call me a week later, still in the relationship 0:32:58.600 --> 0:33:01.320 with the same person. Woman, man or female, doesn't matter. 0:33:01.840 --> 0:33:04.640 Keep your dumb bench shit to yourself until you're ready 0:33:04.680 --> 0:33:06.800 to go but ada. 0:33:06.640 --> 0:33:08.600 What a therapist is for to help you, because I 0:33:08.640 --> 0:33:09.600 don't feel like it's. 0:33:09.440 --> 0:33:12.719 Free at this point. He giving him free free therapy 0:33:12.800 --> 0:33:14.880 on the phone, calling randomly, But. 0:33:15.640 --> 0:33:18.680 I'm trying to be their friend, but people don't. Therapy 0:33:18.880 --> 0:33:22.880 is not about advice, it's about healing and you, I 0:33:22.960 --> 0:33:24.440 can tell you right now, like you are in an 0:33:24.560 --> 0:33:27.960 unhealthy relationship, you need to kick the woman or the 0:33:28.040 --> 0:33:30.360 man out of your life. But they're not gonna listen 0:33:30.360 --> 0:33:32.200 to me, just like they wouldn't listen anybody else, therapists 0:33:32.280 --> 0:33:34.880 or not. If they came into my office and we 0:33:35.000 --> 0:33:37.240 did the healing work, then they get to heal, and 0:33:37.400 --> 0:33:42.080 healed people make really really good decisions and people that 0:33:42.200 --> 0:33:43.480 are still wounded don't. 0:33:44.920 --> 0:33:46.480 All right, So let me tell you that that had 0:33:46.480 --> 0:33:48.960 of core, because let me tell you one of my triggers. 0:33:49.800 --> 0:33:52.600 I hate when a motherfucker tell me they're gonna do 0:33:52.720 --> 0:33:56.440 something and then don't do it and don't also communicate 0:33:56.960 --> 0:33:59.640 why they aren't doing it or why it's not getting done. 0:34:00.080 --> 0:34:02.920 That shit will get you xd out real fast with me, 0:34:03.400 --> 0:34:05.440 because I just feel like I have a lot. I've 0:34:05.480 --> 0:34:08.279 been let down by men in my life so much 0:34:08.840 --> 0:34:10.560 that even the smallest infraction. 0:34:11.120 --> 0:34:12.440 It just I snap. 0:34:12.719 --> 0:34:15.239 I instantly snap on a nigga real quick, like, what 0:34:15.400 --> 0:34:16.960 the fuck you mean? You ain't gonna be here at 0:34:17.000 --> 0:34:17.759 eight thirty. 0:34:17.840 --> 0:34:23.520 You know? So how can I not be so triggered 0:34:23.600 --> 0:34:27.719 by people being unaccountable in that way? 0:34:33.960 --> 0:34:37.600 They're not being unaccountable? Like, first of all, you have 0:34:37.760 --> 0:34:41.479 to heal from the wounds of men letting you down. Okay, 0:34:41.480 --> 0:34:42.719 that's the first thing I would say. 0:34:42.760 --> 0:34:43.719 How do you do that? Though? 0:34:43.920 --> 0:34:46.560 That's the thing because they probably go back to Daddy's. Yeah, 0:34:46.640 --> 0:34:47.239 it goes down. 0:34:47.719 --> 0:34:49.360 It goes all the way back to my father. I 0:34:49.400 --> 0:34:49.880 will say that. 0:34:50.680 --> 0:34:52.719 But that's how you do it? Is you like number 0:34:52.800 --> 0:34:57.800 one forgiveness, forgive your father. You have to forget. Like, 0:34:58.200 --> 0:35:01.200 let me tell you the story. So my father was 0:35:01.320 --> 0:35:05.319 a complete I mean, he just wasn't great. And I'll 0:35:05.360 --> 0:35:08.279 get like he tried, but it just wasn't in him. 0:35:09.080 --> 0:35:14.279 He was really aggressive, abusive, mean, nasty, humiliating, embarrassing, all 0:35:14.360 --> 0:35:17.200 those things. And then one day I came home from 0:35:17.239 --> 0:35:22.000 school college, I meant, but I came home to my 0:35:22.120 --> 0:35:25.120 mother's house and for whatever reason, man, this day my 0:35:25.200 --> 0:35:27.040 mother said, I need to tell you something about your father. 0:35:27.040 --> 0:35:29.520 It ain't come easy for you to hear. And she 0:35:29.800 --> 0:35:32.719 told me something that happened in his life when he 0:35:32.840 --> 0:35:34.920 was eighteen years old, and all of a sudden I 0:35:35.000 --> 0:35:38.640 had forgiveness for him because I could give him grace. 0:35:39.480 --> 0:35:46.480 And you have to remember something. We come from a 0:35:46.640 --> 0:35:53.640 legacy of slavery in this country, and I think we 0:35:53.760 --> 0:36:00.279 don't often think about the legacy that is slavery. And 0:36:00.440 --> 0:36:03.279 like you weren't allowed to like sit and talk like 0:36:03.560 --> 0:36:07.560 my mother, she needed me to learn how to shut 0:36:07.640 --> 0:36:11.560 my mouth because as a black man, the police officers 0:36:11.600 --> 0:36:14.040 are gonna pull me over, and if I talk back, 0:36:14.160 --> 0:36:18.759 my life is in dangers. So it's not like so 0:36:19.560 --> 0:36:21.160 have a white friend. Let me tell you this is 0:36:21.239 --> 0:36:24.160 funny as shit have a white friend. And one day 0:36:24.200 --> 0:36:26.360 in high school, he had just gotten his driver's license. 0:36:26.400 --> 0:36:29.520 We're zooming around. He got pulled over. Police pull him 0:36:29.560 --> 0:36:33.600 over outside of Boston, Massachusetts, a place called Franklin. Police 0:36:33.640 --> 0:36:36.399 pull him over, hand him a ticket that he thought 0:36:36.520 --> 0:36:40.960 was unfair and unjust. This white dude got the ticket, 0:36:41.520 --> 0:36:45.360 cussed at the police officer, tore the ticket, threw it 0:36:45.440 --> 0:36:48.279 out the window, and took off driving. Do you know 0:36:48.320 --> 0:36:52.080 what that police officer did? That police officer drove pulled 0:36:52.160 --> 0:36:56.520 us back over and rode him another ticket and then 0:36:56.560 --> 0:37:00.960 an additional ticket for vandalism. Watching that, and I was like, 0:37:01.160 --> 0:37:03.520 if I had done that, they would have been filling 0:37:03.600 --> 0:37:07.799 me up with so many bullet holes as I drove away. Right, 0:37:07.960 --> 0:37:11.640 my mother had to raise her child with panic and 0:37:11.960 --> 0:37:16.279 fear and anxiety, but my white friend's parents didn't have 0:37:16.400 --> 0:37:20.680 to do that. So you got to understand your father 0:37:20.960 --> 0:37:25.279 was parenting in an environment that wasn't really built for him. 0:37:25.320 --> 0:37:29.360 It's not a just environment. Now that doesn't excuse his 0:37:29.560 --> 0:37:32.960 poor treatment, but we have to give them grace because 0:37:33.000 --> 0:37:38.160 they weren't parenting from an equal footing that other cultures, races, ethnicities, 0:37:38.440 --> 0:37:43.080 nationalities got to parent from. So then when somebody calls you, 0:37:43.239 --> 0:37:44.560 like if somebody asks you on a date, they said 0:37:44.560 --> 0:37:45.920 it's gonna be there at eight and they show up 0:37:45.920 --> 0:37:48.600 at eight forty two, you can be like, you know what, 0:37:48.840 --> 0:37:53.120 this is normal life. This is just normal. This is 0:37:53.200 --> 0:37:54.160 just normal life. 0:37:54.280 --> 0:37:57.640 And because I forgive my thought know the wire, Hey, God, 0:37:57.760 --> 0:37:59.319 that's how I feel every time. 0:38:01.600 --> 0:38:03.600 I don't be like that because I feel like there's 0:38:03.600 --> 0:38:05.560 gonna come in time, I'm gonna be late. But it's 0:38:05.560 --> 0:38:06.759 ain't it. We don't want him to wait. 0:38:07.160 --> 0:38:08.399 It's okay to be late. 0:38:08.520 --> 0:38:08.799 I don't. 0:38:08.840 --> 0:38:11.040 I'm not mad about being late. I'm mad about the 0:38:11.160 --> 0:38:15.120 lack of communication before being late. That's what kisses me off. 0:38:15.280 --> 0:38:18.360 Like if you saw it was near eight o'clock and 0:38:18.440 --> 0:38:21.160 you knew you were supposed to be here at eight o'clock. 0:38:20.920 --> 0:38:22.839 Nothing said to get your little Twitter fingers to text 0:38:22.880 --> 0:38:25.000 in and say, hey, I'm late. I'm running late. 0:38:25.760 --> 0:38:28.280 But you know, of course, like I'm gonna be honest 0:38:28.320 --> 0:38:32.960 with you, I wouldn't call you either, Damn Elliott, I 0:38:33.080 --> 0:38:34.680 know I wouldn't call you either. And would you like 0:38:34.760 --> 0:38:35.239 to know why? 0:38:35.560 --> 0:38:35.719 Why? 0:38:37.520 --> 0:38:41.279 Now? I met aj at another event, But Tam, I 0:38:41.320 --> 0:38:43.600 think this is the first time you and I talked you. 0:38:43.880 --> 0:38:47.239 Tam was there though she was there. We were in 0:38:47.320 --> 0:38:51.080 eighty five, Yeah, we didn't talk. Tam was definitely there though. 0:38:51.400 --> 0:38:55.880 Yeah. Yeah, So Tam, listen, I've now been on this 0:38:56.160 --> 0:38:58.319 recording with you for like thirty minutes, and you are 0:38:58.480 --> 0:38:59.720 scary as fun. 0:39:02.560 --> 0:39:03.839 I would think I'm the scary one. 0:39:04.040 --> 0:39:08.080 I'm scary, not in a bad way. I don't think 0:39:08.120 --> 0:39:09.880 you're mean at all. But let me tell you what 0:39:10.040 --> 0:39:13.759 every man would fear. You're a beautiful woman. I got 0:39:13.800 --> 0:39:15.560 a crush on you. I've been wanting to ask you 0:39:15.680 --> 0:39:17.080 on a date for however long. And I ask you 0:39:17.160 --> 0:39:18.920 on a date, you say yes, and I'm now on 0:39:19.000 --> 0:39:20.440 my way to your house to pick you up. I 0:39:20.560 --> 0:39:22.800 told you i'll be there at seven point thirty. It 0:39:22.960 --> 0:39:25.800 is seven forty two, and I've been listening to you 0:39:25.960 --> 0:39:29.399 on the We Talk Back podcast. Tell me all kinds 0:39:29.400 --> 0:39:32.719 of shit. I'm afraid if I call you and let 0:39:32.800 --> 0:39:34.799 you know I'm gonna be late, you're gonna cuss me out. 0:39:35.680 --> 0:39:37.680 So the easiest thing I can do is if I 0:39:37.840 --> 0:39:43.120 show up, I can apologize and you're less likely to 0:39:43.360 --> 0:39:45.920 yell at me, and you're less likely to cancel the date. 0:39:45.960 --> 0:39:47.680 Because what I'm afraid of if I call you tell 0:39:47.680 --> 0:39:49.800 you I'm running late, you're gonna cuss me out and 0:39:49.920 --> 0:39:52.120 be like, I ain't going no more, mother, and now 0:39:52.280 --> 0:39:54.480 the date is over. So I'd rather just show up 0:39:54.800 --> 0:39:57.680 so that the date can continue. That's why it ain't 0:39:57.719 --> 0:39:59.880 nothing to do with accountability. It's because you're s. 0:40:00.760 --> 0:40:03.680 That's childish though, right, that's some ship from childhood. Like 0:40:03.719 --> 0:40:05.040 you go ahead and do it and just to sap 0:40:05.080 --> 0:40:08.600 your punishment at the end of the evening, but why 0:40:08.719 --> 0:40:09.440 not hit me up? 0:40:09.480 --> 0:40:11.440 We are adults, Yeah, because it's just the opposite. 0:40:11.520 --> 0:40:13.839 I would appreciate more that you're telling me you're going 0:40:13.920 --> 0:40:16.000 to be late versus me just sitting here waiting on 0:40:16.080 --> 0:40:17.759 someone who I haven't heard from. 0:40:19.320 --> 0:40:21.879 I think that that's a true and that's a good point, 0:40:22.280 --> 0:40:24.440 but I wouldn't go into that dynamic assuming that. 0:40:26.000 --> 0:40:28.920 Kay, well, I just I give these niggas a little longer. 0:40:28.680 --> 0:40:32.719 Leash these niggas, is exactly my point. 0:40:35.840 --> 0:40:40.880 We're smelling different though, and spell with a ki niggas. 0:40:42.000 --> 0:40:45.200 That's a little different. Respectful. 0:40:46.080 --> 0:40:49.680 I'm saying, like, Tam, if you were where do you live, Tam. 0:40:50.120 --> 0:40:52.400 Charlotte, North Carolina, Charlotte. 0:40:52.000 --> 0:40:54.520 North Carolina, Right, Tam, I can tell you right now. 0:40:55.320 --> 0:40:57.680 If I called you and I'm in LA right now. 0:40:57.960 --> 0:40:59.359 If I called you in LA and I was like, Tam, 0:40:59.360 --> 0:41:00.880 you want to hang out, you were like, sure, I'll 0:41:00.920 --> 0:41:03.359 hang out. I don't have no damn clue what time 0:41:03.400 --> 0:41:06.960 I'm gonna get to your house because the LA traffic 0:41:07.239 --> 0:41:13.040 is absolutely crazy. And I'm a busy businessman, like I 0:41:13.239 --> 0:41:17.640 run a multi seven figure business. I've got all kinds 0:41:17.640 --> 0:41:20.160 of things I'm accountable to. There are times I'm on 0:41:20.280 --> 0:41:22.799 my way to pick up my friend Tom. I told 0:41:22.840 --> 0:41:24.719 her'd be there at seven thirty. I look at the clock. 0:41:24.760 --> 0:41:27.279 It is seven forty three, and Ways told me I'm 0:41:27.320 --> 0:41:29.960 seven minutes away. But I'm on the phone with my 0:41:30.160 --> 0:41:34.600 business partner, or on the phone with Charliegne telling me 0:41:34.719 --> 0:41:38.040 that we're gonna do that. Like, there's so many things 0:41:38.120 --> 0:41:40.840 going on, and you've got to have grace, and it 0:41:41.040 --> 0:41:43.719 starts with your father, so then you can gift it 0:41:43.800 --> 0:41:45.279 to other people in your life. 0:41:46.040 --> 0:41:51.759 Okay, I'm gonna try it, Elliot, I'm gonna try it. 0:41:52.400 --> 0:41:55.960 I'm gonna try it, but okay, I'm gonna just leave 0:41:55.960 --> 0:41:56.879 it at that. I'm gonna try. 0:41:57.080 --> 0:41:59.040 That is a big trigger for me that I need 0:41:59.120 --> 0:42:01.120 to work on because I will so bark down an 0:42:01.400 --> 0:42:06.640 nick because because he's not because like because he's late. 0:42:07.640 --> 0:42:13.279 You know, have you ever met any any person in 0:42:13.400 --> 0:42:16.640 your life that enjoyed being barked down? 0:42:16.760 --> 0:42:19.360 They neck because I'd be barking. Do you like it? 0:42:20.680 --> 0:42:22.439 I'm going I don't. 0:42:22.480 --> 0:42:25.879 I don't like it, so I wouldn't like it either, 0:42:25.880 --> 0:42:29.040 which is exactly why I'm afraid to call you and say, hey, 0:42:29.200 --> 0:42:31.759 I'm running late for these reasons. Because y'all don't want 0:42:31.760 --> 0:42:34.400 to here's what happens. Here's what happens. Y'a don't want 0:42:34.400 --> 0:42:36.640 to admit it. But here's exactly what happens. If I 0:42:36.800 --> 0:42:40.040 call you and I say, and here's the fear. This 0:42:40.120 --> 0:42:42.520 is what goes on in the male suitor's mind. If 0:42:42.600 --> 0:42:45.720 I call you and I say, I'm running late because 0:42:45.719 --> 0:42:48.200 I got a call from one of my employees and 0:42:48.280 --> 0:42:50.520 it slowed me up while I was getting dressed. The 0:42:50.640 --> 0:42:52.600 fear is you gonna be like, so they more important 0:42:52.640 --> 0:42:54.799 than me. I thought I knew your business was gonna 0:42:54.800 --> 0:42:56.799 get in the way. If you're too busy, then let 0:42:56.880 --> 0:43:00.160 me know. Like that's the fear, right, That's that's that's 0:43:00.160 --> 0:43:03.160 the fear. I've had friends say that to me. I've 0:43:03.200 --> 0:43:05.880 had friends call me and then I call them back 0:43:05.920 --> 0:43:08.000 and I'm like, look, I just got off of stage. Sorry, 0:43:08.239 --> 0:43:10.160 Oh so so we ain't even boys like we used 0:43:10.200 --> 0:43:13.160 to because you're now busy and successful. Want them to 0:43:13.239 --> 0:43:15.880 do with that, but you're now assessing things to me, 0:43:16.440 --> 0:43:18.839 And that's the fear. I'm gonna call Tam and tell 0:43:18.880 --> 0:43:21.239 her I'm running late because this other thing gotten away. 0:43:21.600 --> 0:43:23.600 Oh I already thought you were busy. So is this 0:43:23.680 --> 0:43:25.640 gonna be like if we keep on dating, I'm gonna 0:43:25.640 --> 0:43:27.480 take a back seat to your business all the time. 0:43:27.560 --> 0:43:29.440 I'm gonna take a flight. I'm going through that. 0:43:30.200 --> 0:43:33.839 That's what happened. That's what happened. And I would rather 0:43:34.000 --> 0:43:37.120 just show up with a with a flower and a 0:43:37.239 --> 0:43:39.759 box of chocolates, say tam, I'm so sorry I was late, 0:43:40.239 --> 0:43:41.920 and then hopefully you ain't gonna. 0:43:41.800 --> 0:43:44.640 Bark down my problem having these niggas just showing out 0:43:44.680 --> 0:43:48.040 with Dick and do rags then, or don't. 0:43:47.880 --> 0:43:50.160 Show up at all, don't show up and call you 0:43:50.239 --> 0:43:54.640 the next day like she nigga got up like that. 0:43:54.840 --> 0:43:57.640 But that's the thing. If they don't show up at all, 0:43:57.840 --> 0:44:00.960 and if all they got, look it, if the only 0:44:01.160 --> 0:44:02.480 thing a man has. 0:44:02.400 --> 0:44:04.399 For you, I'm talking of them bitches, I ain't talking 0:44:04.400 --> 0:44:05.160 about the people. 0:44:09.360 --> 0:44:11.719 Bring to you. Is that that's not That's not the 0:44:11.800 --> 0:44:12.440 right relationship. 0:44:12.640 --> 0:44:18.440 Dick do ragging A pull up bar lady, reevaluate why 0:44:18.600 --> 0:44:19.279 you funk with him? 0:44:20.080 --> 0:44:20.360 Got it? 0:44:20.440 --> 0:44:20.720 Daddy? 0:44:20.800 --> 0:44:21.160 Did you have? 0:44:23.960 --> 0:44:26.480 My daddy had the holes, but he definitely took it home. 0:44:26.640 --> 0:44:28.799 Like you're gonna at least pay the bills and ship 0:44:28.920 --> 0:44:30.839 like that it was a cheater. 0:44:31.760 --> 0:44:34.960 Well, you just something I'm gonna work on. So should 0:44:35.000 --> 0:44:37.840 I like count or something to like not get angry? 0:44:38.000 --> 0:44:40.200 Like what's a what's a good one to like not 0:44:40.480 --> 0:44:42.760 get angry in that moment, in that moment where. 0:44:42.560 --> 0:44:50.440 I'm two things, actually three things, tam you ready? Yes? 0:44:51.440 --> 0:44:55.399 The first thing is forgive your father and every other 0:44:55.600 --> 0:45:00.360 man that has created this wound. That's thing number one. Okay, 0:45:01.520 --> 0:45:04.480 Thing number two, I want you to tell the person 0:45:04.560 --> 0:45:07.600 that has just asked you on a date if you 0:45:07.719 --> 0:45:12.920 are late, let me know, or I will cuss your 0:45:13.000 --> 0:45:18.239 ass out, like why I let me know? Or I 0:45:18.320 --> 0:45:22.200 will rip you a new one. And thing number three, 0:45:22.840 --> 0:45:26.279 when and if they do, let you know, recognize they've 0:45:26.400 --> 0:45:30.000 done what I've asked them to do. So thus I 0:45:30.200 --> 0:45:31.400 have to control myself. 0:45:31.560 --> 0:45:33.000 Okay, that's fair. 0:45:33.880 --> 0:45:36.399 I'm gonna try that three step. 0:45:38.040 --> 0:45:38.320 Okay. 0:45:38.920 --> 0:45:40.719 So I want to go back to childhood trauma because 0:45:40.719 --> 0:45:42.960 I think I got mommy issues, right, I know, I 0:45:43.040 --> 0:45:44.320 definitely I don't think I have. 0:45:45.520 --> 0:45:47.760 You know, the parent, the absent parent. 0:45:47.640 --> 0:45:51.160 Usually is always like the celebrity. Right when they come around, 0:45:51.560 --> 0:45:55.920 it's like, oh, daddy. But constant usually is a black mom, right, 0:45:56.640 --> 0:45:59.239 She's probably yelling at your ass, cussing your ass. She's 0:45:59.280 --> 0:46:03.640 frustrated because she got to work all the time and provide, 0:46:03.800 --> 0:46:06.719 and Daddy get to do whatever he want to do 0:46:06.800 --> 0:46:07.879 wherever the fuck he's at. 0:46:08.360 --> 0:46:08.520 Right. 0:46:08.600 --> 0:46:13.399 So, now I've been back here in Charleston. I left 0:46:13.440 --> 0:46:15.880 a relationship and came home. It's how I ended up 0:46:15.920 --> 0:46:18.399 back here. And I think I ended up back here 0:46:18.600 --> 0:46:22.000 to try and heal some childhood. 0:46:21.520 --> 0:46:23.160 Wounds, wounds a little bit. 0:46:23.760 --> 0:46:27.160 Maybe I definitely have a problem with people speaking to 0:46:27.239 --> 0:46:29.440 me nice. I do not like anybody talking at me, 0:46:30.040 --> 0:46:31.680 cussing that type of shit. 0:46:31.719 --> 0:46:34.080 And that's the household I was raising, you know what 0:46:34.120 --> 0:46:34.560 I'm saying. 0:46:34.640 --> 0:46:36.839 So I think I have like my mom, she rather 0:46:37.000 --> 0:46:38.719 not talk to you if she can't talk to you 0:46:38.840 --> 0:46:43.120 how she wants to, So we can't sit down and 0:46:43.239 --> 0:46:50.400 have an amicable conversation without you getting that mad. And 0:46:50.520 --> 0:46:52.879 I find that in myself too when I start talking 0:46:52.880 --> 0:46:55.400 to people, when I get shited like over here, I 0:46:55.560 --> 0:46:58.040 can't control it, you see what I'm saying, So I'd 0:46:58.120 --> 0:47:00.680 rather not talk to you, don't, fucking bitch. 0:47:01.040 --> 0:47:05.400 It's really how I feel like, what can I do right? 0:47:05.440 --> 0:47:08.080 Because well, I have had I've actually decided. I think 0:47:08.160 --> 0:47:12.200 the first step to change is deciding right. So I've 0:47:12.320 --> 0:47:17.080 decided that I'm no longer arguing arguing with anybody else 0:47:17.160 --> 0:47:19.759 in life. The last argument I had was with Tam, 0:47:20.280 --> 0:47:22.200 and then I had one with my mom, and I 0:47:22.360 --> 0:47:26.920 have now decided that I'm not arguing arguing with anybody 0:47:26.960 --> 0:47:29.960 else in life. I promise, I swear to God, Okay, 0:47:30.040 --> 0:47:34.680 I'm not How do I how do I actually follow 0:47:34.760 --> 0:47:35.239 through on that? 0:47:35.920 --> 0:47:36.080 Right? 0:47:36.480 --> 0:47:38.880 Because Tam and I have a thing which she doesn't 0:47:38.960 --> 0:47:40.600 like hanging up. But if I feel like I'm about 0:47:40.640 --> 0:47:43.160 to get crazy, I need to go away, and maybe 0:47:43.200 --> 0:47:45.040 I don't even have the words to tell you, hey, 0:47:45.080 --> 0:47:47.960 I need to hang up right, or if I just 0:47:48.120 --> 0:47:50.919 leave because in my last relationship, I'll leave. I don't 0:47:51.000 --> 0:47:54.200 like confrontation in that way because I feel like we 0:47:54.239 --> 0:47:56.719 should have enough love and respect for each other fair 0:47:56.840 --> 0:47:59.320 not to even get there. But some people like we 0:47:59.400 --> 0:48:02.640 talk about that sixth love language out here, which is toxicity. 0:48:03.400 --> 0:48:05.839 So a lot of people actually need that to feel 0:48:05.960 --> 0:48:08.040 loved because of how they were raised. If they were 0:48:08.120 --> 0:48:11.160 raised by an angry black bitch who cussed and yelled 0:48:11.160 --> 0:48:14.080 at them when I'm just being Ah, I'm around here 0:48:14.160 --> 0:48:16.960 sprinkling fairy dust, you know what I'm saying. And you 0:48:17.120 --> 0:48:19.799 can't receive that type of love because you've never seen 0:48:19.840 --> 0:48:22.439 it before. You only feel loved when I'm mad. 0:48:22.960 --> 0:48:25.759 All right, Elliott, before you answered, did you think you 0:48:25.840 --> 0:48:28.160 were coming on here to give therapy or just talk 0:48:28.200 --> 0:48:28.840 about therapy? 0:48:28.920 --> 0:48:30.480 Because I know, like that's both. 0:48:31.719 --> 0:48:32.839 I don't give a fuck both. 0:48:32.920 --> 0:48:35.280 I'm telling people what the fuck I'm going through mentally 0:48:35.440 --> 0:48:37.760 right and I'm asking for help. 0:48:40.800 --> 0:48:41.160 Please. 0:48:43.880 --> 0:48:45.839 You know, I'm happy to talk about all of it, man, 0:48:46.280 --> 0:48:48.320 because I think some of your listeners gonna be struggling 0:48:48.360 --> 0:48:49.160 with the same things. 0:48:50.360 --> 0:48:54.200 So yeah, because our mothers are gods essentially, Like when 0:48:54.239 --> 0:48:56.279 you look at it, like your mom is your God. 0:48:56.760 --> 0:48:58.600 So you don't ever want to be at odds with God, 0:48:59.160 --> 0:49:01.960 you know what I'm saying. But it's tough dealing with 0:49:02.120 --> 0:49:03.600 black women sometimes. 0:49:04.600 --> 0:49:09.719 Well okay, so I think you're trying to do something 0:49:09.760 --> 0:49:16.000 that is unrealistic when not arguing yes, because here's here's 0:49:16.000 --> 0:49:19.600 what's gonna happen. Here's gonna happen. Aj You're gonna because 0:49:19.640 --> 0:49:23.080 you're a strong minded woman. You're gonna make this commit 0:49:23.160 --> 0:49:26.920 to yourself, like I'm no longer gonna argue, and you're 0:49:26.960 --> 0:49:30.959 gonna bottle up these emotions for a really long time, 0:49:31.760 --> 0:49:35.600 and then you're gonna explode on someone close to you. 0:49:36.000 --> 0:49:38.440 That's already happened though, you see what I'm saying, So 0:49:38.640 --> 0:49:41.440 going giving a lot of grace, letting people slide. 0:49:41.800 --> 0:49:43.279 And I don't feel like that shitting. I'm over. And 0:49:43.280 --> 0:49:45.040 then I also don't feel like arguing anymore. 0:49:45.680 --> 0:49:47.160 So here, let me tell you what to do. 0:49:47.520 --> 0:49:47.880 Mm hm. 0:49:51.120 --> 0:49:52.839 First, I want to talk to you about forgiveness because 0:49:52.840 --> 0:49:55.440 I would say the same thing to you about your 0:49:55.520 --> 0:49:58.880 mom that I said to Tam about her day. You 0:49:59.040 --> 0:50:01.960 gotta find a way to give your mom because she 0:50:02.120 --> 0:50:03.880 was doing the best that she can. And let me 0:50:03.960 --> 0:50:06.719 tell you, people think forgiveness is like what you were saying. 0:50:06.719 --> 0:50:08.640 I got to move back to South Carolina and figure 0:50:08.640 --> 0:50:10.600 out how to do this with my mom. I forgive 0:50:10.680 --> 0:50:12.600 my father, even though the last word he said to 0:50:12.680 --> 0:50:15.719 me was fuck you. Like I don't need to move 0:50:15.760 --> 0:50:17.520 My father lives in San Diego. Now, I don't need 0:50:17.560 --> 0:50:18.320 to go to San Diego. 0:50:18.440 --> 0:50:18.480 No. 0:50:18.520 --> 0:50:20.200 I didn't move here for that purpose. 0:50:20.360 --> 0:50:23.719 But while here now I realized that may have been 0:50:23.760 --> 0:50:24.920 the reason I ended up back. 0:50:24.960 --> 0:50:25.799 Here's what I'm saying. 0:50:26.000 --> 0:50:28.759 Let me tell you how to forgive. Can you tell 0:50:28.920 --> 0:50:32.800 me three things you love about yourself? I mean, like 0:50:33.560 --> 0:50:35.520 deeply love about aj. 0:50:36.760 --> 0:50:43.080 I am funny, okay, I am. I'm a good time 0:50:43.360 --> 0:50:43.840 I believe. 0:50:44.000 --> 0:50:48.040 Am I not nice tits? Oh he wasn't as sorry. 0:50:48.360 --> 0:50:52.200 I'm smart okay, I can cook really well. 0:50:54.120 --> 0:50:55.719 When I think of I'm just thinking about the things 0:50:55.760 --> 0:50:57.400 that make me happy outside of family. 0:50:57.960 --> 0:51:02.279 Can you tell me now, you are obviously a very 0:51:02.360 --> 0:51:04.560 successful thing. You wouldn't have a podcast like this if 0:51:04.600 --> 0:51:08.719 you weren't. What is something you've achieved and or accomplished 0:51:08.719 --> 0:51:12.720 that you are just really proud of and mean something 0:51:12.760 --> 0:51:12.960 to you? 0:51:13.360 --> 0:51:13.480 Right? 0:51:13.520 --> 0:51:15.520 What we're doing right now, like we were just on 0:51:15.600 --> 0:51:17.719 a breakfast club. I just asked Ham early. I'm just like, 0:51:17.800 --> 0:51:19.640 you know, we're gonna go to homecoming. They gonna act 0:51:19.680 --> 0:51:22.000 like we regular, Like y'all niggas ain't been on the 0:51:22.000 --> 0:51:22.640 breakfast club. 0:51:22.680 --> 0:51:26.480 We ain't regular, you know, you know? 0:51:26.640 --> 0:51:30.120 So yes, I'm proud of what we're accomplishing with this podcast, 0:51:30.200 --> 0:51:32.279 even though some people may you know, be out here 0:51:32.320 --> 0:51:34.520 trying to dumb it down. But it's a lot of work. 0:51:34.560 --> 0:51:36.520 It's a lot of hard work, and we're actually doing 0:51:36.600 --> 0:51:38.879 it and we've been dedicated to it. And I'm gonna 0:51:38.880 --> 0:51:41.000 tell you I got a problem. I got commitment issues. 0:51:41.160 --> 0:51:44.080 I also have a problem with executing. Right, So, having 0:51:44.160 --> 0:51:46.840 had done this thing this long and sticking with it 0:51:47.120 --> 0:51:50.239 no matter what's going on, that's a huge accomplishment for me. 0:51:50.680 --> 0:51:55.640 And I can't say that no one, no one close 0:51:55.680 --> 0:51:58.200 to me, like family wise, has congratulated me on it. 0:51:58.840 --> 0:52:02.360 Okay, aj, I could almost get emotional now, like listening 0:52:02.360 --> 0:52:07.040 to you talk about it, like that's crazy. The way 0:52:07.160 --> 0:52:10.120 you forgive is I want you to find a way 0:52:10.360 --> 0:52:13.839 to be grateful for your mother for all of those 0:52:14.000 --> 0:52:19.560 wonderful things you just described about yourself. That's how you forgive. 0:52:20.440 --> 0:52:24.359 I can do that, and that I'll arguable because then 0:52:24.400 --> 0:52:27.680 you end up being like, gratefulness is one of the 0:52:27.719 --> 0:52:30.960 most amazing things in the world because once you place 0:52:31.560 --> 0:52:34.640 and gratitude, it leaks out everywhere and then you don't 0:52:34.719 --> 0:52:36.880 argue with people. Let me tell you why you argue, 0:52:37.120 --> 0:52:40.239 not you, AJ, but like human beings. Right. So, and 0:52:40.280 --> 0:52:42.360 I'm gonna put it in the dating context, right, So, 0:52:42.840 --> 0:52:46.759 Let's say, AJ, you meet someone and you are really 0:52:46.840 --> 0:52:49.960 into this person, you're really dating this person. In the 0:52:50.040 --> 0:52:53.000 beginning of the relationship, all you see is goodness about them, 0:52:53.880 --> 0:52:55.800 and then after a while they just turn into like 0:52:55.840 --> 0:52:57.719 that nigga that won't put the toilet c down. And 0:52:57.840 --> 0:53:04.040 you know, but when you attitude of gratefulness, they never 0:53:04.280 --> 0:53:07.840 stop shining. And the reason you argue with someone is 0:53:07.920 --> 0:53:10.760 you are talking to someone and you were in that moment, 0:53:11.719 --> 0:53:16.160 You're no longer seeing the shine on them. And gratefulness 0:53:16.400 --> 0:53:20.040 is such a powerful weapon to our healing because all 0:53:20.120 --> 0:53:23.000 you start seeing is shining. And I'm at a place 0:53:23.120 --> 0:53:26.279 right now like I'm grateful for all of it. My 0:53:26.520 --> 0:53:30.640 mother is the most amazing human being I've ever known, 0:53:31.280 --> 0:53:33.000 and my father beat the shit out of me, but 0:53:33.080 --> 0:53:36.920 I'm so grateful for every thing that has ever happened 0:53:36.960 --> 0:53:39.680 to me because it brought me to this moment right now. 0:53:40.360 --> 0:53:42.560 If I could redo my childhood, I would pick my 0:53:42.680 --> 0:53:45.879 exact same father and my exact same mother because I'm 0:53:45.920 --> 0:53:49.439 so grateful to every lesson I learned because it put 0:53:49.480 --> 0:53:52.920 me on this path. And AJ, you are doing things 0:53:54.760 --> 0:53:58.000 that no one gets to do, Like people can't just 0:53:58.080 --> 0:54:02.759 go to the breakfast club, just have a black effect podcast. 0:54:03.400 --> 0:54:08.040 People can't just break family patterns and wounds. You're doing 0:54:08.360 --> 0:54:10.880 all of that, and you have to be grateful for 0:54:11.239 --> 0:54:14.160 every single thing that contributed to it, not just the 0:54:14.239 --> 0:54:14.959 positive ones. 0:54:15.320 --> 0:54:17.520 Right, And so I am grateful, right, But when you're 0:54:17.560 --> 0:54:22.000 dealing with I'm grateful and I have a tremendous amount 0:54:22.080 --> 0:54:25.359 of self awareness. Right, But then I am and I'm 0:54:25.400 --> 0:54:28.759 in a family where not everybody does, and you feel 0:54:28.800 --> 0:54:33.240 like you can't just discard your family, so I take refue. 0:54:33.560 --> 0:54:35.120 I mean you can, and you feel like you can, 0:54:35.280 --> 0:54:37.280 is what I said, right, So I do take refuge 0:54:37.440 --> 0:54:39.799 and making sure I surround myself with people who are 0:54:39.840 --> 0:54:42.279 a little bit more like minded, which is also like 0:54:42.360 --> 0:54:45.200 a problem for people who are actually related to me. 0:54:45.680 --> 0:54:48.719 They don't like that term, but that's how If people 0:54:48.840 --> 0:54:51.360 don't get you, it's gonna always be turmoil. 0:54:51.880 --> 0:54:54.120 So whoever it may be, you have to surround yourself 0:54:54.120 --> 0:54:55.920 with people who get you. 0:54:57.120 --> 0:54:59.560 Right, So there's no issues, And I'm not saying it's 0:54:59.600 --> 0:55:02.040 never gonna to be a problem, but it's minimal and 0:55:02.120 --> 0:55:04.480 y'all able to get through it, see the bigger picture 0:55:04.760 --> 0:55:06.319 and move on, right. 0:55:06.480 --> 0:55:09.279 So we're dealing with seventy year old people. It's a 0:55:09.320 --> 0:55:10.080 little bit different. 0:55:10.719 --> 0:55:13.879 No, I think that's true. But number one hundredson agree 0:55:13.920 --> 0:55:15.440 with you. You got to spend time around people that 0:55:16.520 --> 0:55:22.600 resonate with you. Number two you can just use I 0:55:22.719 --> 0:55:23.760 told my niece recently. 0:55:23.960 --> 0:55:25.480 Yes, it don't matter who it is. 0:55:25.680 --> 0:55:28.040 If this person is not making you happy, they're not 0:55:28.080 --> 0:55:30.680 a ray of sunshine when they come around, you don't 0:55:30.760 --> 0:55:31.600 have to deal with them. 0:55:31.800 --> 0:55:33.360 That's even your mom anybody. 0:55:33.480 --> 0:55:37.080 That's true. If you do not trigger healthiness in me, 0:55:37.760 --> 0:55:40.919 I don't want to engage with you. And the third 0:55:41.000 --> 0:55:47.160 thing I would say, your mother, How do I say 0:55:47.200 --> 0:55:49.880 this the next time your mother is yelling at you 0:55:50.160 --> 0:55:53.239 and not being nice or whatever she might do. I 0:55:53.360 --> 0:55:56.760 want you to find the thing even in that moment, 0:55:56.920 --> 0:55:59.320 that you would be grateful for, Like, I'm so glad 0:55:59.320 --> 0:56:01.360 I had a mom that showed me this is not 0:56:01.480 --> 0:56:02.959 how I want to live the rest of my life. 0:56:04.400 --> 0:56:07.520 That's so hard because in that moment you're like, I'm 0:56:07.600 --> 0:56:09.719 so grateful that she gonna get the fuck out of 0:56:09.760 --> 0:56:10.120 my face. 0:56:10.200 --> 0:56:12.799 And just the same you know, like it's so hard 0:56:12.880 --> 0:56:14.280 to do those things in the moment. 0:56:14.440 --> 0:56:16.759 Good, that's true. I think that's true, but that's how 0:56:16.840 --> 0:56:20.280 you know. Like the thing I'm most I've written books, 0:56:21.080 --> 0:56:25.720 I've had, made millions of dollars, like I've done crazy things. 0:56:26.760 --> 0:56:30.160 I am most proud of the fact that I've never 0:56:30.280 --> 0:56:34.359 put my hands on a woman ever. And that might 0:56:34.440 --> 0:56:38.400 sound stupid, but I'm most proud of that because I 0:56:38.520 --> 0:56:42.440 lived in a home where I saw domestic violence. And 0:56:42.520 --> 0:56:44.440 I remember in the seventh grade, I went to an 0:56:44.480 --> 0:56:46.440 assembly y'all remember when they used to like bring all 0:56:46.600 --> 0:56:50.719 everybody out of tam And that particular lecture was about 0:56:50.800 --> 0:56:54.040 domestic violence. And the lecturer that day said, if you 0:56:54.160 --> 0:56:57.040 live in a home and there's domestic violence, you're fifty 0:56:57.120 --> 0:57:00.000 two times more likely to be the perpetrator of domestic violence. 0:57:00.040 --> 0:57:02.640 I'll never forget here. And I remember sitting in my 0:57:02.719 --> 0:57:06.040 seat almost crying, like, man, I'm fucked. I'm fifty two 0:57:06.160 --> 0:57:08.480 times more likely to be a perpetrator of domestic violence. 0:57:08.680 --> 0:57:10.719 Now here, I am a forty six. I have never 0:57:11.120 --> 0:57:13.759 put my hands on a woman in anger ever. 0:57:14.080 --> 0:57:17.560 But have you ever wanted to slap a bitch like girl? 0:57:17.600 --> 0:57:18.680 If you don't get or. 0:57:18.880 --> 0:57:21.360 I God, I'm gonna knock across the county. 0:57:24.720 --> 0:57:26.040 So you ain't never shuck a bitch. 0:57:28.640 --> 0:57:34.360 No, that is, I've never done it, never done it. 0:57:34.760 --> 0:57:36.840 And where did I learn that? I learned that from 0:57:36.920 --> 0:57:39.280 watching my father and realizing I don't want to be 0:57:39.440 --> 0:57:42.560 like that. Yeah, and I'm grateful for that lesson, as 0:57:42.720 --> 0:57:46.800 ridiculous as that sounds, and mastering your own perception is 0:57:46.880 --> 0:57:49.960 having the ability to, in real time say, I'm so 0:57:50.160 --> 0:57:52.360 grateful my mother taught me how horrible it is to 0:57:52.440 --> 0:57:54.440 yell at people. That's why I don't want to yell 0:57:54.520 --> 0:57:56.160 at Tam, That's why I don't want to yell at 0:57:56.200 --> 0:57:57.880 my close friends. That's why I don't want to you 0:57:57.960 --> 0:58:00.360 know what I mean, Aja, Like I don't. I learned 0:58:00.440 --> 0:58:03.600 how hurtful yelling is because my mother taught me. She 0:58:03.760 --> 0:58:05.680 could have taught me in a healthier way, but this 0:58:05.840 --> 0:58:08.080 is the way I learned it. I'm so grateful. I 0:58:08.160 --> 0:58:09.840 am not going to perpetrate this any further. 0:58:10.960 --> 0:58:13.840 That's still not my normal like go to setting though. 0:58:14.040 --> 0:58:17.040 It's like things that get me there, right, and it 0:58:17.360 --> 0:58:19.800 comes with the lack of the lack of respect you 0:58:19.880 --> 0:58:22.840 start having for somebody, Right, That's that's really where yelling 0:58:22.960 --> 0:58:25.960 and arguing and stuff things happen. And then you so 0:58:26.080 --> 0:58:27.760 you have to find a way I guess to get 0:58:27.840 --> 0:58:31.360 back the respect because I don't want to essentially disrespect 0:58:31.440 --> 0:58:32.200 somebody I love. 0:58:32.480 --> 0:58:34.240 I don't, no, but you have. 0:58:34.400 --> 0:58:36.080 You have to find a way to limit that person's 0:58:36.120 --> 0:58:40.320 access to you, Like if I'm continuing to disrespect you, 0:58:41.160 --> 0:58:45.320 Like if I come to your house and you tell 0:58:45.440 --> 0:58:47.320 me to take my shoes off at the front door, 0:58:48.920 --> 0:58:50.720 and every single time I come to your house, I'm like, man, 0:58:50.760 --> 0:58:51.640 fuck that, I'm gonna walk in here? 0:58:51.680 --> 0:58:54.120 How I want to tuck your couch? Fuck your couch. 0:58:56.480 --> 0:59:00.600 Eventually you should stop inviting me to your house, right, Yeah, 0:59:00.760 --> 0:59:03.440 So I think you have to think about if it's 0:59:03.480 --> 0:59:06.840 not my normal go to it's a process of me 0:59:06.920 --> 0:59:09.600 losing respect for a person, why are you allowing people 0:59:09.640 --> 0:59:11.680 that you've lost respect for to have access to you? 0:59:12.640 --> 0:59:15.120 Sometimes obligation, you know what I'm saying. 0:59:15.160 --> 0:59:18.760 And then also, I guess understandomes you also have to 0:59:19.120 --> 0:59:22.880 maybe see other people's perspective and how they perceive it, right, 0:59:22.920 --> 0:59:25.520 And now again that comes with respecting that person enough 0:59:25.560 --> 0:59:28.680 to see that they may have perceived a situation totally 0:59:28.760 --> 0:59:30.400 different from how you perceived it. 0:59:31.200 --> 0:59:34.800 Correct. Yeah, but I'm also not talking about access in 0:59:34.880 --> 0:59:38.640 terms of proximal Like the event I met you at, 0:59:38.680 --> 0:59:40.440 there was a ton of people there. Let's say I 0:59:40.520 --> 0:59:43.040 had to be for with one of them. I can 0:59:43.160 --> 0:59:45.360 show up at the event and not give that person 0:59:45.480 --> 0:59:48.400 access to my heart, to my mind. I can just 0:59:48.480 --> 0:59:51.040 be around them, But you don't have access to the 0:59:51.120 --> 0:59:54.600 things that are important. You don't have access to my spirit, right. 0:59:56.000 --> 0:59:58.200 Right. Yeah, I gotta work on it. 1:00:00.320 --> 1:00:02.720 I gotta work on it. All that stuff stem from childhood. 1:00:02.720 --> 1:00:06.120 I think we are all like younger than our parents, 1:00:06.800 --> 1:00:09.240 but we're so much older and energy. 1:00:09.840 --> 1:00:12.000 You know what I'm saying. I feel like I'm a 1:00:12.080 --> 1:00:14.560 couple thousand years old. Like I know I'm older than 1:00:14.640 --> 1:00:15.200 my parents. 1:00:16.640 --> 1:00:17.600 I know my parents. 1:00:17.680 --> 1:00:21.880 Anybody put it like that, Yeah, I've never heard, but 1:00:21.960 --> 1:00:25.000 I feel like we all deal with it. Nobody gets 1:00:25.040 --> 1:00:28.320 through life without trauma, scars and wounds. The trick is, 1:00:28.440 --> 1:00:30.920 don't live your life from the perspective of your trauma, 1:00:30.960 --> 1:00:32.840 scars and wounds. Mmmm. 1:00:35.320 --> 1:00:37.720 I just see me now, Like when I'm going on 1:00:37.800 --> 1:00:39.959 another date or something and they're late and i haven't 1:00:40.000 --> 1:00:41.320 heard from them, and I'm just sitting there. 1:00:41.640 --> 1:00:43.920 I'm just gonna be sitting there, like I forgive you, daddy. 1:00:44.000 --> 1:00:44.880 I forgive you, daddy. 1:00:46.200 --> 1:00:48.560 Shut up. I'm so sick of you. 1:00:50.760 --> 1:00:52.600 That's how I'm gonna handle it. So I don't go on. 1:00:52.720 --> 1:00:54.919 And depending on who that man is, you probably gonna 1:00:54.960 --> 1:00:58.560 have a lot of grace for him. Very clear. You 1:00:58.760 --> 1:01:00.520 treating the ones that could be treat like that. 1:01:03.480 --> 1:01:07.160 Across the board. If you're gonna be late. That's one 1:01:07.200 --> 1:01:07.880 of my triggers. 1:01:08.840 --> 1:01:12.919 Yeah, yeah, just it's not just. It's not just late. 1:01:13.040 --> 1:01:15.440 It's like saying you're gonna do something and then not 1:01:15.600 --> 1:01:17.720 doing it and then not speaking it. 1:01:18.720 --> 1:01:21.400 Tell them that and it's and by the way, tam, 1:01:21.520 --> 1:01:24.120 it is okay to have triggers like that is what 1:01:24.280 --> 1:01:27.560 we all have them, like we all we all have. 1:01:27.800 --> 1:01:29.640 One of my triggers is if you get mad at me, 1:01:30.680 --> 1:01:32.440 don't call me the next day me like, hey man, 1:01:32.480 --> 1:01:35.240 what you doing, because my I have to resolve the 1:01:35.320 --> 1:01:38.280 thing that we argued about the last time we talked. 1:01:38.320 --> 1:01:40.720 And the reason that I have that is my father 1:01:40.920 --> 1:01:42.760 used to beat this shit out of me all night 1:01:43.160 --> 1:01:44.800 and then I'd wake up in the morning. He'd be like, 1:01:45.400 --> 1:01:46.960 what do you want on your French toe, son? And 1:01:47.000 --> 1:01:52.720 I'd be like, what, No, we have to resolution to 1:01:52.800 --> 1:01:54.760 what happened last night. That is a trigger for mine, 1:01:54.800 --> 1:01:58.120 and I'm okay with that trigger. So it's perfectly reasonable 1:01:58.160 --> 1:02:01.920 to tell somebody that you were wanting date. I'm someone 1:02:02.040 --> 1:02:04.400 you need to follow through with the ship you say, 1:02:05.120 --> 1:02:07.760 or I may cuss you up. You need to tell 1:02:07.840 --> 1:02:11.000 him that, and that's okay. That doesn't make you unhealed. 1:02:11.240 --> 1:02:13.240 That doesn't mean it's something wrong with you. It just 1:02:13.320 --> 1:02:16.560 means you're honoring your past experiences and we all have them. 1:02:17.680 --> 1:02:19.440 Okay, And that won't scare a nigga off. 1:02:20.680 --> 1:02:24.200 It'll stare the wrong nigga off, right exactly, We. 1:02:24.320 --> 1:02:27.000 Will say the right one will say thank you for 1:02:27.120 --> 1:02:29.560 telling me. I'm gonna do every I have such a 1:02:29.760 --> 1:02:32.800 desire to be with you. I will work really hard 1:02:32.880 --> 1:02:34.520 to make sure I don't trigger you in that way. 1:02:36.800 --> 1:02:39.280 Yeah, because that's like beating up a kid for not 1:02:39.400 --> 1:02:41.000 cleaning their room, but you never showed him how to 1:02:41.040 --> 1:02:43.360 clean their room, so like you beating him up for 1:02:43.720 --> 1:02:46.200 doing some shit he didn't know that would But I mean, 1:02:46.280 --> 1:02:48.400 it's it's common courtesy as far as I'm concerned. 1:02:48.440 --> 1:02:50.000 If you're gonna be late, hit me up. 1:02:50.960 --> 1:02:52.720 But what if I can't what if I can't. What 1:02:52.800 --> 1:02:56.200 if I'm so busy on ways dealing with LA traffic 1:02:56.800 --> 1:02:59.320 that I was nervous to call you. 1:02:59.800 --> 1:03:08.800 And in jail, some bad batter happened, right who died? 1:03:11.800 --> 1:03:13.960 But look, I don't want to It goes back to 1:03:14.000 --> 1:03:15.800 what I said earlier, Tam, I don't want to call you, 1:03:15.960 --> 1:03:18.840 and you answered the phone like I don't want. 1:03:18.680 --> 1:03:20.520 To call you and do that you come elieve with 1:03:20.640 --> 1:03:22.000 the bullshit what happened. 1:03:22.720 --> 1:03:27.600 I don't want to call you that. I don't want 1:03:27.600 --> 1:03:29.360 to call you that. But the right person will hear 1:03:29.440 --> 1:03:32.360 you say that and will honor all of your requests 1:03:32.360 --> 1:03:35.520 and wishes. And we all have them. Just because you 1:03:35.560 --> 1:03:37.120 have a trigger doesn't mean it's something wrong you need 1:03:37.160 --> 1:03:39.000 to fix. It just means that's part of who you are, 1:03:39.080 --> 1:03:41.240 it's part of your story, that's part of your journey. 1:03:42.560 --> 1:03:45.160 That's interesting because I always thought like triggers were ship 1:03:45.280 --> 1:03:46.520 we had to change. 1:03:46.720 --> 1:03:49.480 Like, no, we all have them. There is no way 1:03:49.560 --> 1:03:53.120 to de triggerify your life. There's just no way to 1:03:53.240 --> 1:03:55.360 do that. We all have them, so we all have 1:03:55.480 --> 1:03:57.160 to live by them, we all have to own them. 1:03:57.200 --> 1:03:59.880 We all have to recognize like this is who I am. 1:04:00.120 --> 1:04:00.520 Mm hmm. 1:04:02.400 --> 1:04:05.880 One of my times control tam, You and I probably 1:04:05.880 --> 1:04:08.760 could never date because I'm super spontaneous and I run 1:04:08.840 --> 1:04:12.640 late all the time. My one of my triggers is 1:04:12.680 --> 1:04:15.400 being controlled. I do not like. It makes me feel claustrophobic, 1:04:15.520 --> 1:04:18.600 makes me feel me because of the childhood I had. 1:04:18.920 --> 1:04:20.320 And I don't have to fix that. I just have 1:04:20.400 --> 1:04:22.320 to make sure I find people that don't control me. 1:04:22.680 --> 1:04:25.080 So you feel like telling somebody if you're going to 1:04:25.120 --> 1:04:26.440 be late is being controlled? 1:04:27.600 --> 1:04:28.680 Yes? I do for sure. 1:04:29.560 --> 1:04:31.280 Damn I do too. 1:04:31.440 --> 1:04:31.600 Man. 1:04:31.720 --> 1:04:33.240 I feel like if I got to keep checking in 1:04:33.360 --> 1:04:35.200 with you, I feel some type of way like. 1:04:35.360 --> 1:04:36.160 You're telling me what. 1:04:38.080 --> 1:04:40.400 It's telling you what to do by not being late. 1:04:41.720 --> 1:04:43.800 So are you? So let me ask you this. 1:04:43.960 --> 1:04:47.280 If you have appointments with your clients, do you are 1:04:47.320 --> 1:04:48.959 you accountable to them about time? 1:04:50.440 --> 1:04:54.160 I'm I'm late for everything. I was late to this. 1:04:54.480 --> 1:05:02.200 I'm I'm late to everything, and it's not my fault. 1:05:02.200 --> 1:05:04.240 I was sitting here, man, I'm sitting at my dead 1:05:04.480 --> 1:05:06.800 at this little table, working, and I was like, man, 1:05:06.880 --> 1:05:08.600 let me go ahead and jump on a few minutes early. 1:05:08.680 --> 1:05:11.800 And I jumped on and and Chrome made me update 1:05:11.840 --> 1:05:17.520 and I was like that's just me, right, that shit happens. 1:05:18.160 --> 1:05:20.920 Shit happens, that's just my personality. 1:05:21.640 --> 1:05:24.920 Yeah, yeah, I would be there trying to choke slam 1:05:31.240 --> 1:05:32.080 come a little closer. 1:05:36.720 --> 1:05:38.560 But that's like, you have to know who you are 1:05:38.600 --> 1:05:41.400 and being in a relationship with people who can extentum 1:05:41.600 --> 1:05:44.840 and love you, including your flow. It's not gonna work 1:05:44.920 --> 1:05:46.640 if every time you called a dude to come over, 1:05:46.760 --> 1:05:48.160 you end up wanting to hit him in the head with. 1:05:48.160 --> 1:05:53.320 A baseball, Right, they used to like that club very quick. 1:05:58.120 --> 1:06:01.160 It ain't gonna work if that's the dynamics. 1:06:01.480 --> 1:06:03.080 The love that. 1:06:03.760 --> 1:06:05.480 I had a guy telling me to text me the 1:06:05.600 --> 1:06:08.720 other day, like, and I'm misconscrewing what he's saying. 1:06:08.560 --> 1:06:11.560 Via text message, because first of all, it's text. 1:06:11.400 --> 1:06:13.080 So you leave it till you read it to interpret 1:06:13.120 --> 1:06:14.880 what the fuck it is you're actually trying to say. 1:06:15.520 --> 1:06:17.000 So he was like, you know, you got to cuss 1:06:17.160 --> 1:06:20.600 me out sometimes, like you got it put. I'm like, no, 1:06:21.240 --> 1:06:22.200 that's not what I want to do. 1:06:22.360 --> 1:06:25.000 That's what his mom too, That's what I'm saying, Like 1:06:25.240 --> 1:06:27.120 he wants somebody to check him, but why are you 1:06:27.240 --> 1:06:28.840 doing things that I got to check you about? 1:06:29.640 --> 1:06:31.600 I would have a different question. My question for me 1:06:31.680 --> 1:06:33.760 would be why are you in a relationships with someone 1:06:33.800 --> 1:06:35.560 who can't accept the kind of love that you give? 1:06:37.120 --> 1:06:39.960 And I'll give you an example. Clinically, I was doing 1:06:40.600 --> 1:06:43.000 Sometimes couples come to therapy with things that are just 1:06:43.120 --> 1:06:45.840 kind of off the wall, and I was doing therapy 1:06:45.920 --> 1:06:50.040 with this couple and she was like, I'm so mad 1:06:50.120 --> 1:06:53.720 at him because he won't hit me. And this was 1:06:53.920 --> 1:06:56.959 like the nicest dude you ever met in your life. 1:06:57.960 --> 1:07:00.440 And it turns out that her father was a abusive, 1:07:00.800 --> 1:07:04.000 her boyfriends have all been abusive, and her first husband 1:07:04.120 --> 1:07:06.560 was abusive. So now she's in a relationship with this 1:07:06.680 --> 1:07:10.760 guy who just oozes niceness and kindness, and she's like, 1:07:11.000 --> 1:07:13.560 I can't make him mad enough to hit me, which 1:07:13.640 --> 1:07:16.720 makes me think he doesn't care about me. You have 1:07:16.880 --> 1:07:19.680 to heal from that stuff. So if some guy AJ 1:07:19.920 --> 1:07:22.320 is telling you I need you to cuss me out sometimes, 1:07:22.680 --> 1:07:24.680 and you are overtly saying but I'm trying not to 1:07:24.760 --> 1:07:27.840 be an arguer, he is now disqualified for being your 1:07:27.920 --> 1:07:28.520 life partner. 1:07:28.800 --> 1:07:30.720 Oh, I already know you know what I'm saying. I 1:07:30.720 --> 1:07:31.120 already know. 1:07:31.240 --> 1:07:33.200 I actually had to go back to the messages because 1:07:33.200 --> 1:07:35.440 it started with him saying I want you to be 1:07:35.560 --> 1:07:36.320 crazy about me. 1:07:37.040 --> 1:07:40.120 And I said why, that's exactly my part. 1:07:41.400 --> 1:07:43.360 And I said why he was like, if you fuck 1:07:43.440 --> 1:07:44.800 with me, I need you to know. I need to 1:07:44.840 --> 1:07:45.800 know you don't play about me. 1:07:45.880 --> 1:07:48.280 I said, I shouldn't be put in a position to 1:07:48.400 --> 1:07:51.160 display how much I don't play about you. Like what, 1:07:51.600 --> 1:07:54.000 you know what, I'm always giving therapy to niggas, first 1:07:54.040 --> 1:07:56.640 of all, and even when I leave them, it's therapy 1:07:56.720 --> 1:07:57.000 for them. 1:07:57.320 --> 1:07:58.960 I gonna try to be bad next time. 1:07:59.160 --> 1:08:03.600 I know a girl who uh she had her child's 1:08:03.600 --> 1:08:07.320 father was physically abusive, and she posted pictures on social. 1:08:07.120 --> 1:08:08.680 Media and how he beat her and it was really 1:08:08.760 --> 1:08:11.400 sad to see. And she left and moved to another town. 1:08:11.520 --> 1:08:13.640 And then she was with another guy and she's posting 1:08:13.680 --> 1:08:16.280 pictures of how he beat her too, And then she 1:08:16.360 --> 1:08:17.200 went with another guy. 1:08:17.240 --> 1:08:20.240 And then I started to think, like, is there something 1:08:21.000 --> 1:08:22.040 in her about her? 1:08:22.400 --> 1:08:26.400 That is for sure? You know, for sure? As people, 1:08:27.360 --> 1:08:31.080 we choose what is comfortable, not what is healthy. That's 1:08:31.160 --> 1:08:34.520 just what we do as people. We do what's comfortable, 1:08:34.600 --> 1:08:38.280 not what is healthy. So if I'm used to an angry, 1:08:38.680 --> 1:08:43.479 abusive dynamic, then I choose what is comfortable, not what 1:08:43.720 --> 1:08:44.120 is healthy? 1:08:45.040 --> 1:08:45.439 Mmmm? 1:08:45.800 --> 1:08:47.840 So okay, I have one more question. This is about 1:08:47.880 --> 1:08:49.280 to get deep in my shit on my cray. 1:08:50.280 --> 1:08:50.640 There we go. 1:08:51.360 --> 1:08:56.920 So I keep entertaining people who are unavailable in some way, 1:08:57.520 --> 1:08:59.680 like they're all the way in la or are they 1:09:00.200 --> 1:09:03.160 I ain't really interested in the in ces right now, 1:09:03.560 --> 1:09:08.760 or just just newly divorced, or you know, not ready 1:09:08.800 --> 1:09:10.840 to get into anything. And these are the people I 1:09:11.000 --> 1:09:13.720 keep entertaining, And I keep asking myself why am I 1:09:13.880 --> 1:09:17.559 only entertaining people that are unavailable in some way? 1:09:17.720 --> 1:09:19.599 Does that mean I'm unavailable in some way too? 1:09:21.760 --> 1:09:25.280 My first, my first I'll answer that in a second, 1:09:25.280 --> 1:09:27.880 But I have two qualifying questions. First, my first question 1:09:29.040 --> 1:09:30.560 is why do you think you do that? 1:09:31.560 --> 1:09:32.720 I don't know, I don't know. 1:09:33.080 --> 1:09:35.080 I'll look up and I'd be like, shit, I'm doing it, 1:09:35.160 --> 1:09:38.519 And fuck again. You know I'm entertaining to someone who 1:09:38.640 --> 1:09:39.920 isn't available. 1:09:39.520 --> 1:09:41.800 In the way. Why am I entertaining a guy who's 1:09:41.800 --> 1:09:44.519 all the way in fucking London? 1:09:45.520 --> 1:09:48.920 Can I tell you the therapy I gave her? She 1:09:49.200 --> 1:09:50.360 likes unattainability. 1:09:50.760 --> 1:09:54.080 She likes that she likes men who are unattainable, and 1:09:54.160 --> 1:09:55.960 the available guy is not appealing. 1:09:57.400 --> 1:10:04.880 Well, that brings my second question. Do you yourself have 1:10:05.680 --> 1:10:08.280 unconscious commitment issues? Oh? 1:10:08.360 --> 1:10:11.760 I definitely a conscious I definitely have commitment. I'm gonna commit. 1:10:11.800 --> 1:10:12.839 I have fear of commitment. 1:10:12.960 --> 1:10:15.559 I don't know what it sparks from, but I definitely 1:10:15.640 --> 1:10:17.439 have fear. I always feel like I'm gonna choose the 1:10:17.479 --> 1:10:19.920 wrong person and I'm gonna look up and I've been 1:10:20.000 --> 1:10:22.559 with someone I've given invested all this time into someone 1:10:22.640 --> 1:10:27.639 who wasn't right or that's my biggest fear, like I'm 1:10:27.640 --> 1:10:28.360 gonna choose wrong. 1:10:29.080 --> 1:10:32.320 But that's the answer, because you protect yourself from choosing 1:10:32.400 --> 1:10:34.040 wrong by choosing people you can't have. 1:10:35.320 --> 1:10:37.200 MM, So how do I fix that? 1:10:38.880 --> 1:10:40.000 How old are you ask you that? 1:10:41.400 --> 1:10:43.280 No? No, you can't. 1:10:43.360 --> 1:10:47.320 Oh the fucking enough, grow your ass up tomorrow. 1:10:47.560 --> 1:10:49.840 I'm late thirty somewhere in there. 1:10:50.600 --> 1:10:53.120 All right, what's the longest relationship you've ever had? 1:10:54.160 --> 1:10:57.400 So, I've had Like, so I was with I don't 1:10:57.439 --> 1:10:59.400 know if this counts. I was with one guy from 1:10:59.520 --> 1:11:02.719 sixty to twenty six, and then I was with another 1:11:02.840 --> 1:11:08.720 guy from twenty nine to thirty three. Thirty. Yeah, so 1:11:08.880 --> 1:11:12.439 then after that I've been single, completely single ever since. 1:11:13.360 --> 1:11:14.080 No, dates at all. 1:11:14.080 --> 1:11:18.000 Oh no, I done had situationshifts, sneaky legs, things like that, 1:11:18.200 --> 1:11:22.000 but not anything. I haven't posted anybody on my social 1:11:22.040 --> 1:11:22.679 media system. 1:11:22.800 --> 1:11:23.640 Let's just say that. 1:11:24.000 --> 1:11:30.880 God, okay, I would say, you have to risk choosing 1:11:30.960 --> 1:11:33.280 the wrong one to choose the right one, and you 1:11:33.360 --> 1:11:35.640 have to trust yourself when I realize it's the wrong one, 1:11:35.640 --> 1:11:36.640 I'll be able to get out of it. 1:11:38.840 --> 1:11:40.600 But that's the thing, all right, and right, let me 1:11:40.640 --> 1:11:43.080 tell you my fear. So when I lock in with 1:11:43.200 --> 1:11:45.760 someone like that, I lock in for dear life. I 1:11:45.800 --> 1:11:47.600 don't want to let go. I stick it out for 1:11:47.720 --> 1:11:50.600 all the bullshit, all the red flags. I'll be just 1:11:50.680 --> 1:11:54.040 locked in so hard, and I don't know how to 1:11:54.400 --> 1:11:56.160 I don't know how to let go when I go there. 1:11:57.040 --> 1:11:58.720 So that's why it fears me to go there. 1:11:59.400 --> 1:12:03.320 I think we should change that that dynamic, so you'll know, 1:12:03.920 --> 1:12:06.959 if I choose a guy and I notice red flags, 1:12:07.640 --> 1:12:10.479 I'm gonna learn how to let go so I can 1:12:10.680 --> 1:12:13.720 choose the next guy, you know what I mean. 1:12:13.920 --> 1:12:16.240 Like, that's where I'm at. I think so Tammy thinks 1:12:16.240 --> 1:12:18.519 I'm a she thinks I'm much well. 1:12:18.439 --> 1:12:22.960 I call myself a I call her a serial monogamous, okay, 1:12:23.040 --> 1:12:26.400 because I well, and it's traditional trinogamy. I mean it's 1:12:26.479 --> 1:12:30.200 it's modern day monogamy where you fuck with one person 1:12:30.200 --> 1:12:33.720 at a time, right, because I don't have the emotional 1:12:33.920 --> 1:12:36.280 energy like to give to multiple people. Right, So if 1:12:36.320 --> 1:12:38.639 I if I connect with somebody, I try to see 1:12:38.680 --> 1:12:41.720 what's up. What I'm learning now is that I don't 1:12:41.800 --> 1:12:44.600 have a whole year for anybody else anymore. Right, So 1:12:44.720 --> 1:12:47.439 the last situationship I was in lasted maybe about a 1:12:47.560 --> 1:12:50.200 year and like thirteen months or something like that. So 1:12:50.360 --> 1:12:54.479 like now this situation or whatever, if and it's cool, 1:12:54.600 --> 1:12:56.320 if it's not looking right, I know I need to 1:12:56.400 --> 1:12:59.519 get out earlier, right because I, like Tam just said, like, 1:12:59.600 --> 1:13:02.920 you'll stay in relationships longer the shit been expired and 1:13:03.040 --> 1:13:05.040 you just sticking it out. But you don't have to 1:13:05.160 --> 1:13:08.679 constantly compromise with people, you don't, you know what I'm saying. 1:13:09.040 --> 1:13:12.000 Station your ship then with it, y'all need to part ways. 1:13:12.120 --> 1:13:15.599 But you get comfortable and familiar and you just start 1:13:15.640 --> 1:13:17.479 hanging out. So now I guess my thing is just 1:13:17.560 --> 1:13:19.080 getting a funk out earlier. 1:13:19.120 --> 1:13:21.640 I'm ana lock in. I like new relationships. 1:13:21.680 --> 1:13:23.920 I like first dates I like all that shit, and 1:13:24.000 --> 1:13:25.280 then I'm a lock in and I'm gonna get the 1:13:25.280 --> 1:13:25.760 fuck out, and. 1:13:25.800 --> 1:13:28.920 Now locking with nobody, I'll be like, who is this O? 1:13:29.160 --> 1:13:38.360 Hey, I'm sorry you saying your number yet you ain't 1:13:38.400 --> 1:13:39.679 maybe that far in my life. 1:13:43.760 --> 1:13:47.160 And I'm knowing who's next up on the agenda? Okay, I. 1:13:51.280 --> 1:13:55.559 Knowing thegenda is probably the greatest thing I've ever. 1:13:55.439 --> 1:13:58.840 Heard in my whole I be knowing, like, shit, what's up? 1:14:03.840 --> 1:14:07.480 Just trust your intuition and take action on your intuition, 1:14:10.200 --> 1:14:13.519 cause you know, like y'all know, like this person isn't 1:14:13.560 --> 1:14:17.639 for me, but I'm bored or I like one aspect 1:14:17.680 --> 1:14:19.960 of that, but you know they're not. They're not good 1:14:20.000 --> 1:14:23.640 for you. You should go, you should go. I went 1:14:23.680 --> 1:14:26.799 to college with a guy who became a police detective, 1:14:27.680 --> 1:14:29.679 and one day I was like, Bro, what's the coolest 1:14:29.720 --> 1:14:32.479 thing you've learned you've been a police detective? And he said, 1:14:32.520 --> 1:14:35.760 I think women truly have an intuition that men don't have. 1:14:36.240 --> 1:14:39.240 And I was like, what makes you say that? He said, 1:14:39.280 --> 1:14:41.960 every time I go to a crime scene where a 1:14:42.080 --> 1:14:46.280 woman was murdered by their ex, they've always called someone 1:14:46.479 --> 1:14:49.880 to say if something happens to me. Tonight. I was 1:14:49.960 --> 1:14:52.679 with so and so and he was like, why would 1:14:52.680 --> 1:14:54.960 they go to somebody's house where they felt like they 1:14:55.000 --> 1:14:57.200 had to let their friends know where they were? And 1:14:57.320 --> 1:15:01.880 it's because we don't listen to our tuition. And when 1:15:02.000 --> 1:15:04.960 y'all first are on a date and you realize this 1:15:05.080 --> 1:15:07.200 ain't somebody I want to be dating for long term, 1:15:07.640 --> 1:15:10.800 don't go on another date, just move the fuck on, 1:15:11.160 --> 1:15:14.080 Just go on to the next dynamic and. 1:15:14.240 --> 1:15:18.519 I'd be like six flags, red flags, Like six flags, bitch, 1:15:18.640 --> 1:15:18.920 let's go. 1:15:23.160 --> 1:15:29.519 No, you need to fall up and love. Love is 1:15:29.640 --> 1:15:33.200 the greatest, most powerful and amazing force on this planet. 1:15:33.520 --> 1:15:36.920 It is worth all the risks, fears and anxieties. You 1:15:37.120 --> 1:15:39.720 just have to learn how to find the person to 1:15:39.920 --> 1:15:42.760 go all in on and stop going all in on 1:15:42.840 --> 1:15:44.639 these wrong people, like they're just wrong. 1:15:44.880 --> 1:15:47.720 I just won't go all in on nobody now. I'm 1:15:47.800 --> 1:15:50.280 afraid I don't want to end up. 1:15:50.360 --> 1:15:53.559 I always have this fear that Ashley AJ is going 1:15:53.680 --> 1:15:56.360 to be on an episode of First forty eight saying yeah. 1:15:56.400 --> 1:15:59.200 I remember being on on there with her and Elliott 1:15:59.640 --> 1:16:02.040 and she was saying that she was gonna killing nigga. 1:16:02.320 --> 1:16:05.400 If you play with her, and I just don't that 1:16:05.560 --> 1:16:06.280 between me and you. 1:16:06.560 --> 1:16:08.840 I ain't getting caught. I told y'all, I got that 1:16:09.439 --> 1:16:12.559 that M for h money, murder for hyo. Okay, I'm 1:16:12.600 --> 1:16:13.360 not getting caught. 1:16:15.560 --> 1:16:17.599 That's the only difference is I'm not getting caught. 1:16:18.240 --> 1:16:21.479 Why you manifested getting caught, Nigga, Like we're not getting caught. 1:16:22.760 --> 1:16:24.360 Go back to like, I'm not like you. I'm not 1:16:24.400 --> 1:16:31.000 gonna kill nobody. Can we start there? Good? Look, life, 1:16:32.000 --> 1:16:34.720 like you're young enough. Both of y'all are young enough. 1:16:36.880 --> 1:16:38.519 And I can tell you this with a one hundred 1:16:38.520 --> 1:16:42.839 percent certainty from my clinical practice. I've talked to sixty 1:16:43.160 --> 1:16:50.920 seventy eighty year old Being alone is the worst experience ever. 1:16:51.560 --> 1:16:54.320 Life is meant to be lived. 1:16:54.280 --> 1:16:56.640 In love double occupancy. 1:16:57.320 --> 1:17:03.639 Yeah, so right now, you're young, you're vibrant. You don't 1:17:03.640 --> 1:17:05.800 want to turn seventy one and realize like, oh shit, 1:17:05.840 --> 1:17:07.160 I'm by myself in here. 1:17:07.520 --> 1:17:09.200 But you also don't want to turn seventy one and 1:17:09.280 --> 1:17:12.160 be with the wrong person all that time, because then. 1:17:12.120 --> 1:17:16.400 Listen to me telling you how to find the healthy relationship. 1:17:17.520 --> 1:17:19.439 Because I agree, you don't want to be seventy one 1:17:19.520 --> 1:17:23.400 with the wrong person. But people have come to therapy, 1:17:24.200 --> 1:17:26.800 and I'm telling you the regret they have is not 1:17:28.479 --> 1:17:31.040 not choosing a life partner. And they went at it 1:17:31.120 --> 1:17:33.280 alone and before you know it. 1:17:33.880 --> 1:17:35.960 Fuck seventy one. I don't want to be forty one 1:17:36.040 --> 1:17:38.479 in this bitch by myself. I be acting like I'm okay, 1:17:38.600 --> 1:17:40.799 But when I'm in here, eat my dinner at my little. 1:17:40.600 --> 1:17:43.960 Tree table, watch your sisters, cary myself, I be feeling it. 1:17:45.880 --> 1:17:50.240 Yeah, Like I want you guys to understand that love 1:17:50.360 --> 1:17:52.880 is worth the risk. Love is the greatest thing in 1:17:53.000 --> 1:17:56.479 the world. Life is meant to be lived with love. 1:17:57.360 --> 1:18:00.880 So take that chance and know if I go on 1:18:00.960 --> 1:18:03.559 a date with a person and I don't like this person, 1:18:03.720 --> 1:18:06.880 I don't ever have to see this motherfucker again ever. 1:18:07.640 --> 1:18:10.519 And I can keep going until I meet that person 1:18:11.000 --> 1:18:16.160 where I'm like, damn, like this is it? Like I 1:18:16.280 --> 1:18:20.800 didn't know that I could feel this way about someone 1:18:20.880 --> 1:18:24.160 who is healthy and makes me feel good and lifts 1:18:24.240 --> 1:18:28.760 me up. Find that you deserve it, y'all. Y'all deserve it. 1:18:29.360 --> 1:18:31.280 Do you think we could be too picky? Is there 1:18:31.479 --> 1:18:32.080 such thing as that? 1:18:32.160 --> 1:18:34.120 It's like, girl, you're not gonna find anyone because your 1:18:34.240 --> 1:18:36.800 requirements are not achievable. 1:18:37.240 --> 1:18:38.040 Is that possible. 1:18:38.720 --> 1:18:41.200 I suppose it's possible, but it's much less likely than 1:18:41.240 --> 1:18:44.519 the opposite. I would rather you be too picky than 1:18:44.560 --> 1:18:48.840 too loose. It's okay to have standards, In fact, it's necessary. 1:18:49.080 --> 1:18:51.800 If someone is not gonna be turned on to the 1:18:51.840 --> 1:18:55.200 stuff you're turned on to, then move on and go 1:18:55.600 --> 1:18:59.320 find a healthy relationship and never ever forget life is 1:18:59.479 --> 1:19:05.760 meant to be lived in companionship. Way to say this, but. 1:19:12.280 --> 1:19:15.320 Yeah, we went on way too long. But listen, Elliott. 1:19:15.360 --> 1:19:19.559 We have a segment in our show it's dumb Bitch stories, right, 1:19:20.640 --> 1:19:24.040 and then the equivalent to that is simp series. So 1:19:24.120 --> 1:19:26.679 we like to hear stories from men and women about 1:19:26.720 --> 1:19:29.479 the time that they got played in a relationship. Doesn't 1:19:29.479 --> 1:19:31.920 make you a simp for real, right, just somebody took 1:19:31.920 --> 1:19:34.679 advantage of a good guy. And we don't want any 1:19:35.000 --> 1:19:38.000 goddamn high school stories. Okay, we want some adult shit 1:19:38.600 --> 1:19:44.000 that altered some shit in you. So you did the psychotherapist, like, 1:19:44.439 --> 1:19:46.000 made you move a little bit different? 1:19:46.200 --> 1:19:48.040 Why are you thinking about that? Are you married now? 1:19:48.080 --> 1:19:49.360 Are you in a relationship now? 1:19:50.000 --> 1:19:51.599 I'm in a relationship now? Yeah? 1:19:51.680 --> 1:19:52.160 Oh shit? 1:19:52.439 --> 1:19:59.280 Okay, okay, I'm thinking, I know, thank you. 1:19:59.520 --> 1:20:01.760 How long you How long you been in your current relationship? 1:20:02.560 --> 1:20:03.240 A long time? 1:20:03.600 --> 1:20:05.160 Oh okay, so I got it. 1:20:05.240 --> 1:20:06.720 You say you don't any high school stories, but I 1:20:06.760 --> 1:20:10.639 gotta go back to high school. That's that's how long 1:20:10.680 --> 1:20:12.599 I've been not single. I gotta go back to high school. 1:20:12.680 --> 1:20:14.280 Oh okay, God damn okay. 1:20:14.400 --> 1:20:18.040 Tell when I was in high school and this this 1:20:18.120 --> 1:20:20.720 shit fucked me up bad, like it messages me to 1:20:20.800 --> 1:20:24.599 this day. When I was in high school, I had 1:20:24.680 --> 1:20:28.600 a crush on this girl named Sarah. Sarah was like 1:20:28.720 --> 1:20:31.880 the hot girl on the soccer team, like and when 1:20:31.920 --> 1:20:35.000 you're a guy like you, you just have no thoughts 1:20:35.040 --> 1:20:37.719 that Sarah's gonna ever like you. So I didn't tell nobody. 1:20:38.320 --> 1:20:40.360 And one day I came to school and my boys 1:20:40.439 --> 1:20:42.280 ran up to me, was like, hey, man, Sarah likes you. 1:20:43.080 --> 1:20:47.200 So I was like, dope, Sarah. I asked Sarah to 1:20:47.280 --> 1:20:49.960 go out. Sarah became my girlfriend for like two weeks, 1:20:50.560 --> 1:20:52.919 and then we just randomly broke up. I didn't understand 1:20:53.000 --> 1:20:58.320 why whatever. About six months later, I find out that 1:20:58.520 --> 1:21:01.759 one of the guys in my crew slipt with Sarah 1:21:03.640 --> 1:21:06.280 and another dude in my crew knew about it, and 1:21:06.479 --> 1:21:11.280 nobody told me. So to this day, I have trust 1:21:11.360 --> 1:21:16.680 issues with people telling me because actually the thing that 1:21:16.760 --> 1:21:18.640 hurt me so much wasn't so much her sleeping with 1:21:18.800 --> 1:21:23.800 whatever it was. My boy knew it did not, so 1:21:24.240 --> 1:21:27.160 I feel like she played me. I see on Facebook 1:21:27.240 --> 1:21:30.840 still and I ain't gonna lie. Like y'all know, Envy 1:21:31.080 --> 1:21:34.320 is probably the pettiest motherfucker I ever lived on Earth, Right, 1:21:35.920 --> 1:21:37.560 I have to admit I got a little bit of 1:21:38.080 --> 1:21:40.760 that pettiness to me because I'd be on Facebook seeing 1:21:40.800 --> 1:21:42.559 her fucked up life and I'd be. 1:21:42.640 --> 1:21:47.320 Like, excellent, excellent, Sarah, she smashed a holdie like that 1:21:47.479 --> 1:21:48.759 ray J when they called out. 1:21:48.680 --> 1:21:54.800 That girl, I could not be like, yes, I feel 1:21:54.840 --> 1:21:56.840 like that at all. But if I'm being very honest, 1:21:57.240 --> 1:21:59.400 I see her Facebook posts and I'd be like, that's 1:21:59.439 --> 1:22:04.760 what you mean. But that was probably the most like 1:22:05.080 --> 1:22:07.880 shook that I that I ever was, and it did 1:22:07.960 --> 1:22:11.200 impact how I how I treat my because now, and 1:22:11.320 --> 1:22:14.599 I know it's because of that, my super duper close friends, 1:22:14.680 --> 1:22:17.680 like I value them so much and I only have 1:22:17.760 --> 1:22:20.160 a few of them, but my super duper close friends. 1:22:21.280 --> 1:22:23.400 That was when I learned like not everybody who's your 1:22:23.479 --> 1:22:26.120 friend is your is your friend, not everybody who's in 1:22:26.240 --> 1:22:27.519 your corners in your corner. 1:22:28.000 --> 1:22:29.880 Oh, I agree. I just learned that lesson too. 1:22:31.120 --> 1:22:34.120 I still learn it, like, you know, becoming successful. And 1:22:34.240 --> 1:22:36.439 I mean I'm obviously I'm not the most successful person 1:22:36.439 --> 1:22:38.280 in the world, but I'm more successful anybody else. I know, 1:22:38.960 --> 1:22:41.160 anybody else I went to high school as grow up with. 1:22:43.080 --> 1:22:45.880 They'd be acting weird when you get successful. 1:22:45.360 --> 1:22:48.280 And it don't be you changing as everybody else. 1:22:48.920 --> 1:22:51.040 Yeah, And I see people like I can see y'all 1:22:51.160 --> 1:22:54.160 not clapping like I hear the ship y'all saying. It 1:22:54.400 --> 1:22:56.960 always trips me out to when people they talk about 1:22:57.000 --> 1:22:58.760 my social media, but I don't ever see them liking 1:22:58.880 --> 1:23:01.840 or sharing nothing, like so you watch everything I'll post, 1:23:01.920 --> 1:23:03.920 but I don't see you watching the share and nothing. 1:23:04.360 --> 1:23:06.200 I find that all weird. But I got some people 1:23:06.280 --> 1:23:09.320 that are like super duper down and that experience is 1:23:09.320 --> 1:23:13.240 where I learned you got to keep your circle super tight. 1:23:13.520 --> 1:23:13.680 Yeah. 1:23:13.760 --> 1:23:16.200 Yeah, Like my Facebook, I got like four thousand people 1:23:16.360 --> 1:23:19.479 on my Facebook that are people that I actually know. Like, 1:23:19.880 --> 1:23:22.479 I leave my Facebook for people that I actually know 1:23:22.680 --> 1:23:25.560 that I grew up with. I've encountered you in some 1:23:26.200 --> 1:23:29.040 former fashion and when we posted that we were doing 1:23:29.120 --> 1:23:34.200 Breakfast Club, I got twenty likes, thirty likes. It's like, damn, 1:23:34.479 --> 1:23:36.200 you went to school with me, our whole life and 1:23:36.280 --> 1:23:38.840 you only thirty people felt the need to love this shit. 1:23:39.000 --> 1:23:39.559 That's wow. 1:23:40.640 --> 1:23:40.840 Wow. 1:23:42.400 --> 1:23:45.720 I've been doing stand up with Tiffany Hattters recently. I've 1:23:45.720 --> 1:23:49.040 been on the Breakfast Club. I'm about to announce, you know, 1:23:49.160 --> 1:23:54.080 the partnership with The Black Effect. And I had another book. 1:23:54.120 --> 1:23:55.800 You said I had four books. My fifth book came 1:23:55.840 --> 1:24:00.000 out a little while ago, Like there's all these things 1:24:00.280 --> 1:24:03.680 and I'm like, so me writing a book. I just 1:24:03.720 --> 1:24:06.120 got one hundred, like five thousand of y'all like y'all 1:24:06.160 --> 1:24:09.920 my homies, and y'all ain't ain't clapping and celebrating. And 1:24:10.000 --> 1:24:15.040 the answer is no, because your light, your light triggers 1:24:15.200 --> 1:24:18.280 the insecurity in them, so they don't support you. And 1:24:18.400 --> 1:24:21.000 I always hate when people say, and people say this 1:24:21.080 --> 1:24:23.200 to me all the time, like stay humble, Like no, 1:24:23.280 --> 1:24:24.160 you don't want me to stay home. 1:24:24.360 --> 1:24:25.559 That was actually on my shit. 1:24:25.920 --> 1:24:29.440 That was that I wanted to talk about humble versus narcissist. 1:24:30.320 --> 1:24:35.000 Well, I think, well, narcissism versus humility is humility and 1:24:35.080 --> 1:24:38.200 narcissism aren't super duper linked. But most of the time 1:24:38.240 --> 1:24:40.760 when people tell you to stay humble, what they're really 1:24:40.840 --> 1:24:44.080 saying is you shining is making me uncomfortable. So stop 1:24:44.160 --> 1:24:47.200 making me uncomfortable. And if me shining makes you uncomfortable, 1:24:47.240 --> 1:24:49.479 you wasn't my homie anyway, you wouldn't you wasn't my 1:24:49.600 --> 1:24:53.160 bro anyway, you weren't down with me anyway. But that's 1:24:53.240 --> 1:24:55.280 really what happens is people treat it like that. So 1:24:55.800 --> 1:24:58.280 y'all keep shining and keep winning and keep growing and 1:24:58.400 --> 1:25:01.120 keep glowing. And if people don't like it, that's just 1:25:01.200 --> 1:25:03.120 for them. That's part of the consequences of success. 1:25:04.120 --> 1:25:04.360 Yeah. 1:25:04.479 --> 1:25:07.439 Man, I really don't be concerned about the public. My 1:25:07.600 --> 1:25:08.519 thing is my family. 1:25:08.720 --> 1:25:10.479 The people who are closest to me. Those are the 1:25:10.479 --> 1:25:12.120 people I want to clap for me. I really don't 1:25:12.160 --> 1:25:15.200 care if people outside of them my family. 1:25:15.479 --> 1:25:18.560 I've got family members struggling right now. I signed a 1:25:18.640 --> 1:25:22.960 TV deal and it is it is reorganized some of 1:25:23.040 --> 1:25:26.599 my family dynamics because they're just not like. People get 1:25:26.720 --> 1:25:29.240 used to who you were and they have a hard 1:25:29.320 --> 1:25:33.320 time with you becoming who you are exactly. I'm just 1:25:33.439 --> 1:25:33.960 not here from it. 1:25:33.960 --> 1:25:37.120 But actually you've probably been this person your whole life, right, 1:25:37.439 --> 1:25:39.840 So your whole life you're I'm just not realizing people 1:25:39.880 --> 1:25:41.599 have been trying to dem my shit, my whole life. 1:25:41.960 --> 1:25:44.200 But the whole time I knew exactly who I was, 1:25:44.360 --> 1:25:46.960 you just didn't, right, So you went out your way 1:25:47.520 --> 1:25:49.200 to try to make me feel like I'm not who 1:25:49.240 --> 1:25:49.960 the fuck I am? 1:25:50.800 --> 1:25:55.160 Okay, Elliott, tell everybody where they can find you, where 1:25:55.160 --> 1:25:58.599 they could get some of your services if possible, your books, 1:25:58.920 --> 1:25:59.519 shout out. 1:25:59.439 --> 1:26:01.920 Everything, love it, love it. Okay. You can find me 1:26:02.000 --> 1:26:06.960 on social media at Elliott Speaks. That's with two l's 1:26:07.000 --> 1:26:11.960 and two t's, Elliot Speaks, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter threads. That's 1:26:11.960 --> 1:26:15.240 where you can find me my YouTube channel. Just search 1:26:15.320 --> 1:26:17.840 my name Elliott Connie and you'll see my YouTube channel. 1:26:18.520 --> 1:26:20.639 Elliott Connie is not a super common name, so it's 1:26:20.640 --> 1:26:23.120 easy to find again to l's two teas, and then 1:26:23.200 --> 1:26:25.519 you can also find whatever you need to about my 1:26:25.640 --> 1:26:28.200 services and my books and who I am at my website, 1:26:28.240 --> 1:26:29.639 which is Elliott Connie dot com. 1:26:30.520 --> 1:26:34.240 Hey, I had one more question, Elliott before we go 1:26:34.840 --> 1:26:38.240 fire away. In those two weeks did you fuck Sarah. 1:26:39.680 --> 1:26:39.840 Or no? 1:26:40.320 --> 1:26:41.240 Did you get the pussy? 1:26:42.479 --> 1:26:42.519 What? 1:26:42.680 --> 1:26:45.760 Two weeks you said your dated Sarah for two weeks? 1:26:45.840 --> 1:26:46.400 Did you get the. 1:26:46.400 --> 1:26:51.160 Pussy at your homeboy? Just smash your girl? I want 1:26:51.200 --> 1:26:52.680 to know, like, did you get the fuck too? 1:26:52.920 --> 1:26:55.240 Out of all things, that could have been your final question, 1:26:55.800 --> 1:26:56.760 and you want to know if he. 1:26:56.800 --> 1:26:57.600 Fucks Sarah or not? 1:26:59.520 --> 1:27:04.400 Man, he actually he stole two girls from me, one 1:27:04.479 --> 1:27:08.559 name Sarah, one name Shannon. He told both of them Elliot, 1:27:08.640 --> 1:27:11.200 don't really like you, Ellie, don't really with you like that? 1:27:11.240 --> 1:27:12.519 And a hater. 1:27:13.880 --> 1:27:15.439 I didn't either of them. 1:27:16.640 --> 1:27:18.479 Damn, damn. 1:27:18.640 --> 1:27:21.760 Yeah, when when you ask these questions like when you 1:27:21.800 --> 1:27:29.280 can play these are triggering. Elliott the same snatched two girls. 1:27:31.720 --> 1:27:34.679 It was terrible. He got them both. I didn't. I didn't. 1:27:35.439 --> 1:27:37.360 I didn't get down without one of them. 1:27:37.920 --> 1:27:38.240 Damn. 1:27:38.720 --> 1:27:39.600 I just needed to know. 1:27:43.320 --> 1:27:45.360 When I was in high school, a J. I appreciate 1:27:45.439 --> 1:27:46.719 that I'm packing. 1:27:46.840 --> 1:27:47.840 Don't unpack, Elliot. 1:27:47.960 --> 1:27:51.400 Ship Like all right, y'all if you enjoyed this episode. 1:27:55.120 --> 1:27:57.839 Myself forties, you make me feel like ship. 1:27:57.800 --> 1:28:02.519 Now AJ doing to you what my therapists had done 1:28:02.560 --> 1:28:03.200 to me that day. 1:28:04.000 --> 1:28:05.640 I just got to tell you we shouldn't do that 1:28:05.760 --> 1:28:08.280 to people over here. 1:28:09.720 --> 1:28:12.160 Well, the solution would be to hit her raggedy ass 1:28:12.240 --> 1:28:14.439 up on Facebook now and see if you can smash 1:28:14.520 --> 1:28:16.240 her and not talk to her no more. 1:28:16.960 --> 1:28:19.439 That's the solution. Brief therapy. 1:28:19.840 --> 1:28:21.360 Oh my goodness, don't listen. 1:28:22.600 --> 1:28:23.040 I'm rich. 1:28:23.200 --> 1:28:27.120 I don't have to. Okay, come on your ship. Okay. 1:28:29.120 --> 1:28:33.280 Meanwhile, my screen case is fucked up and I need 1:28:33.400 --> 1:28:35.000 another one, but I'm gonna hold on. 1:28:35.080 --> 1:28:36.280 To it as long as I can. 1:28:38.520 --> 1:28:38.720 Elli. 1:28:38.800 --> 1:28:41.160 Yeah, we had so much fun. Thank you for joining us. 1:28:41.200 --> 1:28:43.840 Thank you for that free therapy session. I'm really gonna 1:28:43.880 --> 1:28:45.680 reach out to you for some more because I feel like. 1:28:46.000 --> 1:28:47.479 I got some more ship to unpack. 1:28:48.040 --> 1:28:50.160 If that's okay, give her my phone. 1:28:51.160 --> 1:28:51.479 Got it? 1:28:51.640 --> 1:28:54.599 Definitely all right, y'all listen. 1:28:55.160 --> 1:28:58.320 If you enjoyed this episode, y'all, tune in every Thursday 1:28:58.520 --> 1:29:00.880 on your iHeartRadio Apple beever the fuck you get your 1:29:00.960 --> 1:29:01.720 podcasts at. 1:29:02.080 --> 1:29:04.960 This is your co host aj Holiday two point zero. 1:29:05.080 --> 1:29:07.840 If you won't follow me on instagrams, y'all, we got 1:29:07.960 --> 1:29:11.440 we talkback eant dot com. Hit us up for some merchandise. 1:29:11.800 --> 1:29:13.880 We got a few other things coming up as well. 1:29:14.040 --> 1:29:15.040 What you got Tam. 1:29:15.080 --> 1:29:18.000 Y'all's official Tambama on Instagram. Y'all please follow me now. 1:29:18.120 --> 1:29:22.559 Y'all remember to speak now and never hold your peace. Deuces. 1:29:23.240 --> 1:29:23.559 Bye,