WEBVTT - En Español 0:00:00.560 --> 0:00:04.279 Hey, hey, hey, hey, get us. Latino USA is celebrating 0:00:04.480 --> 0:00:08.200 thirty years today, ain't that Akos, and we would love 0:00:08.440 --> 0:00:10.960 to hear from you. Dear listener, Do you want to 0:00:11.000 --> 0:00:14.640 share with us exactly what Latino USA has meant to you? 0:00:14.680 --> 0:00:17.240 Do you have a birthday wish for us? Leave us 0:00:17.239 --> 0:00:21.239 a voicemail at six four six five seven to one 0:00:21.360 --> 0:00:25.760 one two two four. That's six four six five seven 0:00:25.800 --> 0:00:28.680 to one one two two four, and we might feature 0:00:28.720 --> 0:00:32.920 your message in an upcoming show grass Yas. This is 0:00:33.000 --> 0:00:37.080 Latino USA, the radio journal of News and Kurture's Latino USA. 0:00:37.240 --> 0:00:39.000 Let us Latino USA. 0:00:39.240 --> 0:00:40.360 I'm Maria Inojosa. 0:00:40.720 --> 0:00:44.040 We bring you stories that are underreported but that mattered 0:00:44.080 --> 0:00:46.199 to you, overlooked by the rest of the media, and 0:00:46.240 --> 0:00:48.400 while the country is struggling to deal with these, we 0:00:48.479 --> 0:00:51.479 listen to the stories of black and Latinos. Studios United 0:00:51.600 --> 0:00:56.400 Latino Front, a cultural renaissance organizing at the forefront of 0:00:56.480 --> 0:00:59.000 the movement. I'm Maria Inojosa. 0:00:59.280 --> 0:01:11.720 Nose Bayan, Tony Kids, Kando is thus in For the 0:01:11.800 --> 0:01:14.559 past year, my dad has been asking me for one 0:01:14.600 --> 0:01:17.680 thing and one thing, only to take him back to 0:01:17.760 --> 0:01:21.000 his native Peru. The last time he was there. It 0:01:21.080 --> 0:01:22.880 was fifteen years ago. 0:01:23.319 --> 0:01:25.440 I Piscalco. 0:01:29.720 --> 0:01:33.319 My dad's memory is increasingly fragile, but there are memories, 0:01:33.560 --> 0:01:36.320 especially of his motherland, that he holds on too tight. 0:01:37.319 --> 0:01:39.360 He tells me he can't wait to go to the beach, 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:42.760 that he wants to eat fried fish and picarones, a 0:01:42.800 --> 0:01:47.039 classic Peruvian dessert that looked like doughnuts but taste even better. 0:01:47.720 --> 0:01:50.520 The fact that we can communicate this way in Spanish, 0:01:50.880 --> 0:01:54.880 my dad's native language is really special. But it wasn't 0:01:54.920 --> 0:01:55.640 always this way. 0:02:00.240 --> 0:02:04.279 From Fudro media and PRX, It's Latino Usa. I'm marien 0:02:04.480 --> 0:02:09.680 Rosa today in Espanol. A story about language and memory. 0:02:20.919 --> 0:02:25.040 Like many people growing up second generation in the United States, 0:02:25.480 --> 0:02:30.920 Anita Flores wasn't raised speaking her father's first language, Spanish. 0:02:31.639 --> 0:02:36.080 She felt connected to her Peruvian heritage through food, through 0:02:36.160 --> 0:02:40.280 inca gola, of course, and by visiting her grandparents in Miami. 0:02:42.240 --> 0:02:46.200 When she actually had to speak Spanish to her paternal family, 0:02:46.760 --> 0:02:50.120 she struggled to get her words out. But as Anita 0:02:50.160 --> 0:02:54.280 grew older, she realized language does more than communicate ideas. 0:02:54.680 --> 0:02:59.600 It helps you narrow long physical distances, strengthened ties, and 0:02:59.639 --> 0:03:10.240 prisons memories. Here's Anita with her story. 0:03:10.800 --> 0:03:14.720 So this story takes place over three trips to Lima 0:03:14.760 --> 0:03:18.560 over the course of fifteen years. Let's start from the 0:03:18.560 --> 0:03:20.560 beginning in two thousand and seven. 0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:28.080 He's from the contents andraises Yamusita. 0:03:27.320 --> 0:03:31.359 And Via the last time my dad visited his home country. 0:03:31.520 --> 0:03:34.040 I was there too. It was our first trip to 0:03:34.080 --> 0:03:38.600 Lima together. We're in Barranco, a historic and bohemian district 0:03:38.600 --> 0:03:41.840 of Lima, on a narrow street lined with apartments and 0:03:41.960 --> 0:03:50.920 a few single family Housessinashina. This is his first time 0:03:50.960 --> 0:03:54.520 back since emigrating to the US over thirty years before. 0:03:55.200 --> 0:03:58.120 I'm nineteen years old, about the same age my dad 0:03:58.280 --> 0:04:01.360 was when he left Peru. He's showing me the home 0:04:01.440 --> 0:04:04.520 he grew up in. It's quiet here, other than the 0:04:04.600 --> 0:04:05.960 rooster on someone's roof. 0:04:06.720 --> 0:04:07.200 The summer. 0:04:07.240 --> 0:04:09.600 Before this trip, I had taken a film class in 0:04:09.680 --> 0:04:13.680 college that involved us making short films. So now it's 0:04:13.720 --> 0:04:28.120 my mission to find art everywhere with my camcorder. It's 0:04:28.160 --> 0:04:31.799 a cloudy winter day in Lima, mid fifties and humid. 0:04:32.480 --> 0:04:35.200 He is showing me the beach, part of the large 0:04:35.240 --> 0:04:38.680 and deep Pacific Ocean he grew up going to I 0:04:38.720 --> 0:04:41.720 don't have siblings. I'm a child of divorce, and the 0:04:41.760 --> 0:04:44.320 only family I have left on my father's side in 0:04:44.360 --> 0:04:53.120 the United States is my father. After walking for a bit, 0:04:53.360 --> 0:04:56.920 we grab a taxi. Soon after we hoppen, my dad 0:04:56.960 --> 0:04:58.279 begins to chat with the driver. 0:05:00.800 --> 0:05:04.280 Oh. 0:05:04.520 --> 0:05:07.000 He tells him that he hasn't been to Lima in 0:05:07.040 --> 0:05:11.159 more than three decades. He left in nineteen eighty one 0:05:11.320 --> 0:05:15.280 at twenty years old. I can't imagine starting a new 0:05:15.320 --> 0:05:22.479 life in a new country so young. My dad is 0:05:22.600 --> 0:05:25.920 five to six, just a bit taller than me. He 0:05:26.040 --> 0:05:30.880 has brown skin like Mayabuelo, with big, expressive eyes like Maabuela. 0:05:32.080 --> 0:05:35.040 Like George Costanza, He's stacky with the remains of what 0:05:35.200 --> 0:05:39.479 was once an incredible head of hair. Unlike Costanza, he 0:05:39.600 --> 0:05:43.000 is kind, open to having a conversation with anyone, and 0:05:43.120 --> 0:05:48.640 extremely huggable. My dad, who is fifty three on this trip, 0:05:48.920 --> 0:05:52.440 is my idol. He is the reason I love to 0:05:52.520 --> 0:05:55.760 travel and try new food. He's the reason I drink 0:05:55.800 --> 0:05:58.320 eight glasses of water a day and like to meet 0:05:58.360 --> 0:06:01.680 new people. In two thousand and seven, I'm in a 0:06:01.760 --> 0:06:04.480 country I've never been to, and I'm not a fluent 0:06:04.480 --> 0:06:06.719 Spanish speaker. I'm freaked out. 0:06:10.360 --> 0:06:12.480 What is this music? You like it? 0:06:13.839 --> 0:06:14.039 Yes? 0:06:15.520 --> 0:06:18.760 Is it wrong that I'm watching TV and English in Peru? 0:06:23.839 --> 0:06:25.640 My mom thought it would be better for me to 0:06:25.680 --> 0:06:29.479 learn Spanish after I learned English. She's a Jewish woman 0:06:29.520 --> 0:06:33.200 of Russian and Lithuanian descent who became fluent in Spanish 0:06:33.240 --> 0:06:37.039 after studying in Madrid for a year. In retrospect, she 0:06:37.160 --> 0:06:40.480 realizes I should have learned both languages at once. For 0:06:40.640 --> 0:06:43.000 my dad, he kind of just went along with it. 0:06:43.600 --> 0:06:46.160 My parents got divorced when I was twelve, and I 0:06:46.200 --> 0:06:48.880 primarily lived with my mom in Connecticut until moving to 0:06:48.920 --> 0:06:52.320 Brooklyn for college. My best friends of the time were 0:06:52.320 --> 0:06:55.480 not Spanish speakers. Really, the only time I was speaking 0:06:55.560 --> 0:06:59.680 Spanish was with my dad. I would get so frustrated 0:06:59.720 --> 0:07:02.880 and barrassed when I'd mess up that we'd often end 0:07:02.960 --> 0:07:06.200 up just speaking in English. I wonder all the time 0:07:06.279 --> 0:07:08.320 how different my life would be if I had learned 0:07:08.360 --> 0:07:23.080 Spanish as a kid, if I was fluent. Now you 0:07:23.200 --> 0:07:28.400 act different on camera. I act different behind the camera. 0:07:28.920 --> 0:07:37.560 I use it as a shield to separate me from everyone. 0:07:39.840 --> 0:07:43.600 That nervous laughter it comes out whenever anyone addresses me 0:07:43.760 --> 0:07:47.520 behind the camera. I'm at my uncle Chita's restaurant. It's 0:07:47.560 --> 0:07:50.920 mostly tables outside in the backyard, not a huge place, 0:07:50.960 --> 0:07:53.760 which gives it a homie feel. Wa Cheetah is sitting 0:07:53.800 --> 0:07:56.840 with Dad and I'm holding her chubby white cat meat cheek. 0:07:57.840 --> 0:08:00.840 He distracts me from my deep anxiety about how fast 0:08:00.920 --> 0:08:04.760 my thespeaks. Everything out of her mouth sounds like one long, 0:08:04.920 --> 0:08:17.600 sing songy word that I can't understand. Butcha notices me filming. 0:08:18.720 --> 0:08:20.640 My shame about the fact that I'm not a fluent 0:08:20.680 --> 0:08:24.320 Spanish speaker keeps me quiet, which is sad because I'm 0:08:24.320 --> 0:08:28.160 an extrovert. Through and through, I meet my cousins Catherine 0:08:28.160 --> 0:08:31.240 and Fiorilla at my aunt ple Chita's restaurant. They're only 0:08:31.280 --> 0:08:34.120 a few years older than me. Their heart shaped faces 0:08:34.120 --> 0:08:37.160 and jet black hair remind me of my dad. Catherine 0:08:37.280 --> 0:08:39.880 is tall and thin, at least that's how I see 0:08:39.880 --> 0:08:43.560 her compared to me. She wears dark denimed jeans that 0:08:43.720 --> 0:08:46.760 actually fit. Suddenly, I'm thinking about the fact that my 0:08:46.880 --> 0:08:49.680 pants are baggy and that I look frumpy. Do I 0:08:49.679 --> 0:08:54.040 look frumpy? They ask me many questions, but I am frozen. 0:08:54.679 --> 0:08:58.640 I answer Sie and no to questions that require more 0:08:58.679 --> 0:09:02.000 than a one word answer. Catherine is inquisitive, and I 0:09:02.000 --> 0:09:05.520 feel like I'm giving her nothing back. My dad tells 0:09:05.559 --> 0:09:08.199 me the only way to learn is to make mistakes, 0:09:08.360 --> 0:09:11.240 but I can't handle the idea of my family hearing 0:09:11.240 --> 0:09:13.880 me struggle in a language I should be fluent in. 0:09:14.960 --> 0:09:18.480 I should be fluent. I've been hearing this for as 0:09:18.559 --> 0:09:23.040 long as I can remember, from elderly Latina ladies asking 0:09:23.080 --> 0:09:27.520 me for directions to my eleventh grade Spanish teacher, mister Collins, 0:09:27.640 --> 0:09:30.600 who would tell my dad at parent teacher conferences, you 0:09:30.679 --> 0:09:37.760 speak Spanish, Anita should be better in class. After our trip, 0:09:37.920 --> 0:09:41.760 my dad exchanged email and contact information with Catherine, Fiorell 0:09:41.800 --> 0:09:44.680 La Pocha, and the rest of the family. I leave 0:09:44.720 --> 0:09:47.560 with memories, but not much more Spanish than what I 0:09:47.600 --> 0:09:52.840 went in with. Catherine emailed me. I never responded. I 0:09:53.000 --> 0:09:56.520 just let everyone go. It made it that much easier 0:09:56.559 --> 0:09:59.640 to think to myself, I don't speak Spanish, so what's 0:09:59.679 --> 0:10:03.680 the point. A year later, in two thousand and eight, 0:10:04.000 --> 0:10:06.880 I moved to New York for college. I focused on 0:10:06.920 --> 0:10:09.959 building a career for myself in the film and television world. 0:10:11.160 --> 0:10:14.640 My trips home became less and less frequent. Life went on. 0:10:15.679 --> 0:10:18.640 In twenty thirteen, I'm paying rent for my Brooklyn apartment 0:10:18.679 --> 0:10:22.880 by working hard as a production assistant. One chilly November day, 0:10:23.120 --> 0:10:25.520 I'm putting a call sheet together for an upcoming shoot, 0:10:26.240 --> 0:10:29.960 and then I get a phone call that changes everything. 0:10:33.480 --> 0:10:36.960 My dad in Connecticut needed life saving surgery to replace 0:10:37.000 --> 0:10:40.120 a leaky heart valve. He then had to stay in 0:10:40.160 --> 0:10:43.840 a rehab facility and ended up getting really depressed, his 0:10:43.920 --> 0:10:47.800 memory weakened. He started forgetting to take his antidepressants and 0:10:47.840 --> 0:10:51.480 heart medication. He was showering less. He forget to pay 0:10:51.480 --> 0:10:55.800 his bills. Some years earlier, Mayabuelo had been diagnosed with 0:10:55.840 --> 0:11:00.280 Alzheimer's and my grandmother with dementia. What's the day diference 0:11:00.320 --> 0:11:03.720 between these two, I'm honestly not one hundred percent sure 0:11:04.360 --> 0:11:10.160 does it matter? I see them as equally agonizing. Alzheimer's 0:11:10.240 --> 0:11:13.520 is often hereditary. Was it coming now for my father? 0:11:15.200 --> 0:11:17.760 One day in twenty sixteen, I was on the phone 0:11:17.800 --> 0:11:20.040 with my dad. I brought up the fact that he 0:11:20.080 --> 0:11:22.840 had mentioned wanting to return to Lima with me. He 0:11:22.920 --> 0:11:25.840 had no idea what I was talking about. I got 0:11:25.840 --> 0:11:29.280 off the phone and cried because I knew something was wrong. 0:11:34.080 --> 0:11:37.120 The year later, I was standing waiting for my Greyhound 0:11:37.120 --> 0:11:40.600 bus back to New York when my dad's doctor called 0:11:40.679 --> 0:11:45.800 me to break the noose. At age sixty four, my 0:11:45.920 --> 0:11:52.120 dad was officially diagnosed with dementia. Soon after, I moved 0:11:52.160 --> 0:11:55.640 my dad into an assisted living facility in Connecticut. The 0:11:55.760 --> 0:12:02.000 road ahead was frightening. More than one hundred miles away 0:12:02.040 --> 0:12:06.400 in Brooklyn, I became a long distance caregiver. This means 0:12:06.400 --> 0:12:08.640 that though I'm not living with my dad providing his 0:12:08.760 --> 0:12:11.600 day to day care, I'm his health and financial power 0:12:11.600 --> 0:12:15.520 of attorney. I manage his money, make his doctor's appointments, 0:12:15.800 --> 0:12:19.360 plan for emergencies, hire other caregivers to take him to 0:12:19.360 --> 0:12:24.120 those appointments, pay his bills. The list goes on and on. 0:12:30.840 --> 0:12:34.599 In twenty eighteen, just one year after his diagnosis, my 0:12:34.720 --> 0:12:37.240 dad can't remember what he had for dinner the previous day. 0:12:37.920 --> 0:12:40.880 And anything he can't remember sends me into a spiral. 0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:44.559 I can't let him see me cry. So on one visit, 0:12:44.640 --> 0:12:47.319 I go into the hallway of his assisted living facility 0:12:47.400 --> 0:12:50.120 and I called John, my husband, who back then was 0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:53.320 my boyfriend. I tell him I feel like my dad 0:12:53.400 --> 0:12:57.120 is slipping away. I've become a video and podcast producer. 0:12:57.640 --> 0:13:01.560 So John suggests I ask my dad questions preserve his memories. 0:13:02.440 --> 0:13:04.920 I wipe away my tears, go back to my dad 0:13:05.200 --> 0:13:09.120 and ask if I can interview him. He immediately says, yes, 0:13:10.400 --> 0:13:14.800 do you remember when you were in Lima for an earthquake? 0:13:15.559 --> 0:13:19.400 I remember, I think was Maysay first. It was may 0:13:19.440 --> 0:13:20.840 Say first, nineteen seventy. 0:13:21.240 --> 0:13:24.199 Over the next few months, I start recording videos with him, 0:13:24.280 --> 0:13:28.440 asking all sorts of questions. Have you ever met any 0:13:28.480 --> 0:13:29.200 famous people? 0:13:30.320 --> 0:13:32.360 Yes, so Jesse Jackson one time. 0:13:32.440 --> 0:13:38.400 That's right, I say, Jesse Jackson, Hello, Hello, de Paddigar. 0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:43.600 I wonder if I'll have kids, and at this rate, 0:13:43.760 --> 0:13:46.400 will my dad still be around if this day comes? 0:13:47.400 --> 0:13:50.520 What if these videos are all I have to show them? 0:13:50.880 --> 0:13:53.520 I start really getting into it. So does my dad. 0:13:54.120 --> 0:13:57.360 I remember how funny he is. You're a big farmer, 0:13:57.480 --> 0:14:02.960 so am I? Yeah, yeah, loud loud farts. 0:14:04.080 --> 0:14:07.479 I think that that's that's kind of the fun My mother. 0:14:07.679 --> 0:14:11.000 She could be in the in the kitchen, in the bathroom, 0:14:11.280 --> 0:14:16.720 but far away and you can't hear, and she said, 0:14:17.400 --> 0:14:21.080 excuse me, gussies. 0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:26.920 I struggle, but I start asking questions in Spanish the 0:14:26.960 --> 0:14:30.160 best I can. His eyes light up. 0:14:34.560 --> 0:14:44.800 Uh aura est is me h going mm hmm, don't 0:14:45.520 --> 0:14:50.240 where don't they your practica espanol? 0:14:50.400 --> 0:14:51.440 Okay? 0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:55.240 I know that the earliest memories are often the ones 0:14:55.280 --> 0:14:58.360 dementia patients hold on to the longest. And now I 0:14:58.440 --> 0:15:02.440 wonder what big things held get first? Good he forget English? 0:15:02.760 --> 0:15:05.239 What if Spanish is the only way we can communicate? 0:15:05.280 --> 0:15:09.280 Someday I want to speak Spanish. I want to stay 0:15:09.280 --> 0:15:10.440 connected with my dad. 0:15:11.960 --> 0:15:20.680 To dyna una vida mui and in my opinion, guando 0:15:20.840 --> 0:15:34.960 erra mujjoven dynae muchos. 0:15:30.080 --> 0:15:32.520 Mixing up my verb tenses. I asked my dad to 0:15:32.600 --> 0:15:35.280 tell me about the many jobs he had when he 0:15:35.400 --> 0:15:36.080 was young. 0:15:38.800 --> 0:15:39.480 In Uayor. 0:15:40.320 --> 0:15:42.760 My dad tells me about the radio show he hosted 0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:45.760 from New York in nineteen ninety two, local news and 0:15:45.880 --> 0:15:50.440 music from Peru. He would play musika Cyoya, Peruvian waltz, 0:15:50.920 --> 0:15:55.360 gondor basa. He even breaks out his radio. 0:15:55.120 --> 0:16:12.640 Voice stay floris in staas Informacionario America. 0:16:13.320 --> 0:16:16.160 Maybe it was always in the stars that I too 0:16:16.440 --> 0:16:23.880 would one day work in audio Peru. 0:16:26.280 --> 0:16:31.240 The Tora familia mitiao. 0:16:31.720 --> 0:16:35.720 See he has many memories of his family in Peru, 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:39.960 cousin Boa, his neighbors, and other people he knew that 0:16:40.080 --> 0:16:43.120 have since passed away. It's hard for me to wrap 0:16:43.120 --> 0:16:45.160 my brain around the fact that he can't remember what 0:16:45.240 --> 0:16:48.040 he had for breakfast, but he remembers the address of 0:16:48.080 --> 0:16:51.400 the home he grew up in. Being a long distance 0:16:51.440 --> 0:16:54.920 caretaker comes with a certain amount of guilt. I feel 0:16:54.920 --> 0:16:57.280 bad when I'm not there, which is most of the time. 0:16:57.960 --> 0:17:00.320 And I also constantly think about the fact fact that 0:17:00.360 --> 0:17:03.520 once he's gone, there will be no one left that 0:17:03.560 --> 0:17:06.200 would connect me to my dad in the United States. 0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:10.040 I have this entire family in Lima that I haven't 0:17:10.040 --> 0:17:13.520 attempted to contact in over a decade. I'm losing my 0:17:13.600 --> 0:17:16.240 dad slowly, but I don't have to lose my family. 0:17:23.119 --> 0:17:26.840 Coming up on Latino, USA, Anita decides to reconnect with 0:17:26.920 --> 0:17:29.880 her family and with the language that holds the key 0:17:30.240 --> 0:17:33.280 to her father's baby memory. Stay with us. 0:17:33.920 --> 0:17:58.679 Yes, I'm so happy that you are celebrating your thirty years. 0:17:59.040 --> 0:18:01.320 I just wanted to thank you so much from the 0:18:01.359 --> 0:18:04.720 bottom of my quote, Dawn. The stories have touched me 0:18:05.040 --> 0:18:07.720 and many of us and are henter Familia. It's just 0:18:07.760 --> 0:18:13.520 really inquiring the fact that Natia constantly pushing forward stories 0:18:13.560 --> 0:18:17.119 that many of us can relate to, especially people of color, 0:18:17.160 --> 0:18:19.960 and career stories that for me in particular, being a 0:18:19.960 --> 0:18:24.400 member of both communities is very meaningful. So with that said, 0:18:24.640 --> 0:18:29.760 I want to say salud ahead to thirty more years 0:18:30.000 --> 0:18:31.200 and many more to come. 0:18:38.840 --> 0:18:42.199 Hey, we're back, and before the break, we heard the 0:18:42.240 --> 0:18:45.639 story of Anita Flores and her journey to reconnect with 0:18:45.720 --> 0:18:50.840 her father's native language Spanish. Here's Anita with the rest 0:18:50.920 --> 0:18:51.560 of the story. 0:18:56.440 --> 0:18:58.679 I want to get back in touch with my dad's family. 0:18:59.040 --> 0:19:03.280 But how I look through my dad's papers. He's the 0:19:03.359 --> 0:19:06.440 kind of person that writes important information on a receipt 0:19:06.840 --> 0:19:11.439 the back of an envelope napkins. Miraculously, I find a 0:19:11.480 --> 0:19:14.760 list of emails in a journal buried underneath a pile 0:19:14.800 --> 0:19:18.880 of old newspapers on his tiny kitchen table. I try 0:19:18.960 --> 0:19:24.760 every email address, and everyone bounces back except for one, Catherine's. 0:19:25.520 --> 0:19:28.560 She was my inquisitive cousin who asked me many questions 0:19:28.560 --> 0:19:31.600 when we met, the one who emailed me right after 0:19:31.640 --> 0:19:34.800 my first visit to Peru, and to whom I never replied. 0:19:35.440 --> 0:19:36.520 I decide to write. 0:19:36.280 --> 0:19:40.760 Her my cousin, Catherine wrote back to me less than 0:19:40.760 --> 0:19:49.840 twenty minutes later, after having not spoken for eleven years. 0:19:48.600 --> 0:19:51.720 I'm working with audio now, so instead of filming everything 0:19:51.960 --> 0:19:53.960 as I did in the first trip to Lima, I 0:19:54.080 --> 0:19:57.679 now keep sort of an audio diary, and these voice 0:19:57.720 --> 0:20:00.879 notes are my records of that first attempt to reconnect 0:20:00.880 --> 0:20:04.680 with my family in Peru, solo without my father's help. 0:20:05.800 --> 0:20:09.040 Catherine writes to me with so much love, the way 0:20:09.040 --> 0:20:12.840 you talk to well family. She gives me a full 0:20:12.880 --> 0:20:16.480 breakdown of all our relatives. The first and last time 0:20:16.480 --> 0:20:19.920 I saw Catherine, she was in her early twenties. Now 0:20:19.960 --> 0:20:22.399 twelve years later, she sends me an update on her 0:20:22.440 --> 0:20:23.280 four year old son. 0:20:23.800 --> 0:20:26.479 Quenta memas tea. 0:20:29.720 --> 0:20:33.680 That's funny, Catherine asks me if I've gotten married yet. 0:20:34.560 --> 0:20:38.280 The conversation turns serious soon though. I tell her about 0:20:38.280 --> 0:20:40.840 my dad's diagnosis and how I'm taking care of him. 0:20:41.040 --> 0:20:47.159 Get amost visitor la familia in Peru. Pero aora is dificile, 0:20:48.560 --> 0:20:59.880 lociento parami alciencia, estes annos pasados, estava avert aver gonzadomanol, 0:21:00.560 --> 0:21:03.240 And just like that, more than a decade of silence 0:21:03.400 --> 0:21:05.880 is over. We write to each other a bit more, 0:21:06.119 --> 0:21:08.400 and then emails turn into WhatsApp messages. 0:21:10.080 --> 0:21:10.520 Oh la. 0:21:16.640 --> 0:21:18.560 Demandovelis. 0:21:20.880 --> 0:21:24.479 Catherine sends me updates on her life. She lovingly coaches 0:21:24.520 --> 0:21:33.760 little Thago, my nephew, to send me kisses. We start 0:21:33.840 --> 0:21:37.400 speaking on the phone, and then it hits me, I've 0:21:37.440 --> 0:21:40.399 been missing out on this family, this love because I 0:21:40.600 --> 0:21:44.320 was self conscious about my Spanish the last time I 0:21:44.359 --> 0:21:47.280 went to Lima. My dad planned the trip, but that's 0:21:47.359 --> 0:21:50.240 no longer an option. I need to create my own 0:21:50.359 --> 0:21:53.280 bonds with my family in Peru, and I won't be 0:21:53.359 --> 0:21:55.680 able to do that while I'm caregiving for my father. 0:21:57.480 --> 0:21:59.920 I make the difficult decision to go back to Lima, 0:22:01.119 --> 0:22:08.359 this time without Poppy. Cousin Katherine offered to let me 0:22:08.440 --> 0:22:12.360 stay with her. It's January twenty nineteen when I get 0:22:12.359 --> 0:22:15.560 to Catherine's salmon colored three floor house she shares with 0:22:15.640 --> 0:22:19.119 her sister Fiorilla. I meet my nephew Thiago. He's a 0:22:19.160 --> 0:22:20.200 little shy at first. 0:22:21.359 --> 0:22:21.719 Oda. 0:22:28.280 --> 0:22:33.359 Yes, I also meet my four year old niece, Makareena. 0:22:33.880 --> 0:22:41.680 She's my cousin Fiorilla's daughters. Hey, she has a laugh 0:22:42.040 --> 0:22:45.119 that makes my heart melt. We're playing with her tiny 0:22:45.160 --> 0:22:49.000 new kitten Bandido Tom, named after Tom of the infamous 0:22:49.080 --> 0:22:52.960 Tom and Jerry. At first, it's scary here without my dad, 0:22:53.640 --> 0:22:57.040 but then it's not scary, it's it's wonderful. I have 0:22:57.160 --> 0:22:59.760 a headache every day because I've never spoken this much 0:23:00.320 --> 0:23:04.480 for this long, but my family sees me. There's no 0:23:04.600 --> 0:23:08.080 camcorder this time. I'm using an iPhone now to record 0:23:08.160 --> 0:23:11.320 moments with my family, but I'm not hiding. I have 0:23:11.480 --> 0:23:16.760 no choice but to speak. I capture as much audio 0:23:16.840 --> 0:23:19.080 and video as I can to share with my dad. 0:23:19.119 --> 0:23:21.840 When I'm back, I have every member of the family 0:23:22.000 --> 0:23:22.920 send their love to him. 0:23:25.480 --> 0:23:27.080 I'll lamassos. 0:23:36.640 --> 0:23:38.520 When I get back to the US, I rush to 0:23:38.640 --> 0:23:41.520 visit my dad in the assisted living facility in Connecticut. 0:23:42.400 --> 0:23:45.560 I have so much to share with him. What did 0:23:45.640 --> 0:23:49.280 you think of all those videos I showed you, Well, 0:23:49.359 --> 0:23:50.560 they are very emotional. 0:23:51.320 --> 0:23:56.600 Here to see my families, my friends so many years, and. 0:23:59.200 --> 0:24:02.359 I hope I can't go there to Pru soon we 0:24:02.480 --> 0:24:06.320 can go together to crew can see them. 0:24:10.440 --> 0:24:13.760 Seeing the faces of his cousins and nephews expressing their 0:24:13.840 --> 0:24:17.240 love for him, it ignites something in my dad. He 0:24:17.359 --> 0:24:23.880 starts calling Potra, Jesus and Catherine every week. How would 0:24:23.880 --> 0:24:27.800 you feel if we switched you to You know, I 0:24:27.880 --> 0:24:30.520 can get you a calling card, but it's much less 0:24:30.680 --> 0:24:35.320 expensive than long distance. Do you know what a calling 0:24:35.440 --> 0:24:35.920 card is? 0:24:37.280 --> 0:24:37.480 Yeah? 0:24:37.600 --> 0:24:38.440 A calling card? 0:24:38.520 --> 0:24:41.119 Well in pendo. 0:24:42.720 --> 0:24:47.320 Card see Bubby see As soon as it's twenty twenty 0:24:47.359 --> 0:24:51.320 two and my dad's phone bill has skyrocketed, he forgets 0:24:51.359 --> 0:24:54.760 that he's making call Salema multiple times a week. One 0:24:54.840 --> 0:24:58.080 month his bill is six hundred dollars. I get rid 0:24:58.119 --> 0:25:00.399 of his long distance and switch him to calling cards. 0:25:01.160 --> 0:25:04.719 He's also started having balance issues, falling out of chairs, 0:25:04.880 --> 0:25:07.320 out of his bed. We've gone to the er a 0:25:07.400 --> 0:25:10.200 few times now. He has a bed guard and a 0:25:10.320 --> 0:25:12.680 chair with arms that he can't fall out of even 0:25:12.720 --> 0:25:17.280 if he dozes off. My Boppy's dementia progression is like 0:25:17.320 --> 0:25:20.920 a rubber band. The timeline stretches out, but at any 0:25:21.000 --> 0:25:24.560 moment it can snap back and things can change fast. 0:25:25.560 --> 0:25:28.320 He needs to be prompted to shower, get dressed, eat 0:25:28.600 --> 0:25:31.640 and take his meds. But he still has his memories 0:25:31.720 --> 0:25:35.439 of Peru. And one thing has become very clear as 0:25:35.520 --> 0:25:38.960 he now asks me the same question over and over, 0:25:39.840 --> 0:25:46.359 when can we go to Lima? It would take me 0:25:46.640 --> 0:25:50.159 a full year to fulfill my dad's biggest wish, a 0:25:50.280 --> 0:25:54.760 medication schedule, a plan with his memory care doctor meal, 0:25:54.880 --> 0:25:59.240 prep a wheelchair for the airport constant supervision. But it's happening. 0:26:00.000 --> 0:26:02.800 Fifteen years after our first trip together to Lima and 0:26:03.000 --> 0:26:06.400 four years after my first visit without my dad, We're 0:26:06.480 --> 0:26:11.359 all going back, my husband included. My dad is. 0:26:11.440 --> 0:26:28.040 Elatedita Comota to Yo Pappy heat Tamata to John Tembo records, 0:26:28.320 --> 0:26:39.440 Totius is tamutus. He is don continent, say this, and 0:26:40.880 --> 0:26:43.840 he's been calling family in Lima multiple times a week 0:26:44.000 --> 0:26:45.120 to remind them we're coming. 0:26:45.720 --> 0:26:48.119 He loves to call me right after and be like, 0:26:48.240 --> 0:26:51.840 they're so excited we're coming. His energy is very kid. 0:26:51.880 --> 0:26:54.320 On Christmas Eve, Hi. 0:26:54.320 --> 0:26:59.960 Anita's me Dad, I as you know, I have my suitcase. 0:27:00.720 --> 0:27:04.359 I'm very excited at all the trip because Chelse's like 0:27:04.840 --> 0:27:05.520 a week away. 0:27:05.640 --> 0:27:09.720 Now, there's no time like the present, Especially with a 0:27:09.800 --> 0:27:12.720 disease like dementia. It's not going to be easy, but 0:27:12.840 --> 0:27:17.400 it's happening this time. I'm more confident speaking Spanish. I've 0:27:17.440 --> 0:27:20.960 been taking online lessons, so is my husband. This is 0:27:21.040 --> 0:27:23.959 not scientific, but I feel in my heart that speaking 0:27:24.000 --> 0:27:27.600 to my dad in Spanish is soothing, It's familiar to him. 0:27:29.280 --> 0:27:30.560 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0:27:35.119 --> 0:27:38.160 It's late March twenty twenty three and we're packing Dad 0:27:38.320 --> 0:27:40.119 and heading to the airport tomorrow. 0:27:40.680 --> 0:27:41.720 What do you think is true? 0:27:44.720 --> 0:27:47.640 Hmm. 0:27:48.760 --> 0:27:51.120 Dad is acting like he's getting ready for a first date. 0:27:51.480 --> 0:27:54.200 He's nervous. Should I bring dress shoes? He asks me. 0:27:55.040 --> 0:27:57.600 I'm nervous too. I feel like we're all at the 0:27:57.640 --> 0:28:00.719 top of a roller coaster, just waiting for the plunge, 0:28:00.840 --> 0:28:09.879 see especially La. And we decide it's too hot for 0:28:09.960 --> 0:28:16.480 dress shoes and Lima's eighty five degree weather. As we 0:28:16.600 --> 0:28:19.760 bring my dad's luggage downstairs about to head to the airport, 0:28:20.280 --> 0:28:24.000 residents at the assisted living facility excitedly wish my dad well. 0:28:24.520 --> 0:28:26.880 He gives a security guard a handshake and a hug. 0:28:27.280 --> 0:28:29.960 They know exactly where he's going because he's been telling 0:28:30.040 --> 0:28:31.480