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Speaker 3: I'm Maria Inojosa.
Speaker 1: We bring you stories that are underreported but that mattered
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Speaker 4: Nose Bayan, Tony Kids, Kando is thus in For the
Speaker 4: past year, my dad has been asking me for one
Speaker 4: thing and one thing, only to take him back to
Speaker 4: his native Peru. The last time he was there. It
Speaker 4: was fifteen years ago.
Speaker 5: I Piscalco.
Speaker 4: My dad's memory is increasingly fragile, but there are memories,
Speaker 4: especially of his motherland, that he holds on too tight.
Speaker 4: He tells me he can't wait to go to the beach,
Speaker 4: that he wants to eat fried fish and picarones, a
Speaker 4: classic Peruvian dessert that looked like doughnuts but taste even better.
Speaker 4: The fact that we can communicate this way in Spanish,
Speaker 4: my dad's native language is really special. But it wasn't
Speaker 4: always this way.
Speaker 1: From Fudro media and PRX, It's Latino Usa. I'm marien
Speaker 1: Rosa today in Espanol. A story about language and memory.
Speaker 1: Like many people growing up second generation in the United States,
Speaker 1: Anita Flores wasn't raised speaking her father's first language, Spanish.
Speaker 1: She felt connected to her Peruvian heritage through food, through
Speaker 1: inca gola, of course, and by visiting her grandparents in Miami.
Speaker 1: When she actually had to speak Spanish to her paternal family,
Speaker 1: she struggled to get her words out. But as Anita
Speaker 1: grew older, she realized language does more than communicate ideas.
Speaker 1: It helps you narrow long physical distances, strengthened ties, and
Speaker 1: prisons memories. Here's Anita with her story.
Speaker 4: So this story takes place over three trips to Lima
Speaker 4: over the course of fifteen years. Let's start from the
Speaker 4: beginning in two thousand and seven.
Speaker 6: He's from the contents andraises Yamusita.
Speaker 4: And Via the last time my dad visited his home country.
Speaker 4: I was there too. It was our first trip to
Speaker 4: Lima together. We're in Barranco, a historic and bohemian district
Speaker 4: of Lima, on a narrow street lined with apartments and
Speaker 4: a few single family Housessinashina. This is his first time
Speaker 4: back since emigrating to the US over thirty years before.
Speaker 4: I'm nineteen years old, about the same age my dad
Speaker 4: was when he left Peru. He's showing me the home
Speaker 4: he grew up in. It's quiet here, other than the
Speaker 4: rooster on someone's roof.
Speaker 7: The summer.
Speaker 4: Before this trip, I had taken a film class in
Speaker 4: college that involved us making short films. So now it's
Speaker 4: my mission to find art everywhere with my camcorder. It's
Speaker 4: a cloudy winter day in Lima, mid fifties and humid.
Speaker 4: He is showing me the beach, part of the large
Speaker 4: and deep Pacific Ocean he grew up going to I
Speaker 4: don't have siblings. I'm a child of divorce, and the
Speaker 4: only family I have left on my father's side in
Speaker 4: the United States is my father. After walking for a bit,
Speaker 4: we grab a taxi. Soon after we hoppen, my dad
Speaker 4: begins to chat with the driver.
Speaker 5: Oh.
Speaker 4: He tells him that he hasn't been to Lima in
Speaker 4: more than three decades. He left in nineteen eighty one
Speaker 4: at twenty years old. I can't imagine starting a new
Speaker 4: life in a new country so young. My dad is
Speaker 4: five to six, just a bit taller than me. He
Speaker 4: has brown skin like Mayabuelo, with big, expressive eyes like Maabuela.
Speaker 4: Like George Costanza, He's stacky with the remains of what
Speaker 4: was once an incredible head of hair. Unlike Costanza, he
Speaker 4: is kind, open to having a conversation with anyone, and
Speaker 4: extremely huggable. My dad, who is fifty three on this trip,
Speaker 4: is my idol. He is the reason I love to
Speaker 4: travel and try new food. He's the reason I drink
Speaker 4: eight glasses of water a day and like to meet
Speaker 4: new people. In two thousand and seven, I'm in a
Speaker 4: country I've never been to, and I'm not a fluent
Speaker 4: Spanish speaker. I'm freaked out.
Speaker 5: What is this music? You like it?
Speaker 8: Yes?
Speaker 9: Is it wrong that I'm watching TV and English in Peru?
Speaker 4: My mom thought it would be better for me to
Speaker 4: learn Spanish after I learned English. She's a Jewish woman
Speaker 4: of Russian and Lithuanian descent who became fluent in Spanish
Speaker 4: after studying in Madrid for a year. In retrospect, she
Speaker 4: realizes I should have learned both languages at once. For
Speaker 4: my dad, he kind of just went along with it.
Speaker 4: My parents got divorced when I was twelve, and I
Speaker 4: primarily lived with my mom in Connecticut until moving to
Speaker 4: Brooklyn for college. My best friends of the time were
Speaker 4: not Spanish speakers. Really, the only time I was speaking
Speaker 4: Spanish was with my dad. I would get so frustrated
Speaker 4: and barrassed when I'd mess up that we'd often end
Speaker 4: up just speaking in English. I wonder all the time
Speaker 4: how different my life would be if I had learned
Speaker 4: Spanish as a kid, if I was fluent. Now you
Speaker 4: act different on camera. I act different behind the camera.
Speaker 4: I use it as a shield to separate me from everyone.
Speaker 4: That nervous laughter it comes out whenever anyone addresses me
Speaker 4: behind the camera. I'm at my uncle Chita's restaurant. It's
Speaker 4: mostly tables outside in the backyard, not a huge place,
Speaker 4: which gives it a homie feel. Wa Cheetah is sitting
Speaker 4: with Dad and I'm holding her chubby white cat meat cheek.
Speaker 4: He distracts me from my deep anxiety about how fast
Speaker 4: my thespeaks. Everything out of her mouth sounds like one long,
Speaker 4: sing songy word that I can't understand. Butcha notices me filming.
Speaker 4: My shame about the fact that I'm not a fluent
Speaker 4: Spanish speaker keeps me quiet, which is sad because I'm
Speaker 4: an extrovert. Through and through, I meet my cousins Catherine
Speaker 4: and Fiorilla at my aunt ple Chita's restaurant. They're only
Speaker 4: a few years older than me. Their heart shaped faces
Speaker 4: and jet black hair remind me of my dad. Catherine
Speaker 4: is tall and thin, at least that's how I see
Speaker 4: her compared to me. She wears dark denimed jeans that
Speaker 4: actually fit. Suddenly, I'm thinking about the fact that my
Speaker 4: pants are baggy and that I look frumpy. Do I
Speaker 4: look frumpy? They ask me many questions, but I am frozen.
Speaker 4: I answer Sie and no to questions that require more
Speaker 4: than a one word answer. Catherine is inquisitive, and I
Speaker 4: feel like I'm giving her nothing back. My dad tells
Speaker 4: me the only way to learn is to make mistakes,
Speaker 4: but I can't handle the idea of my family hearing
Speaker 4: me struggle in a language I should be fluent in.
Speaker 4: I should be fluent. I've been hearing this for as
Speaker 4: long as I can remember, from elderly Latina ladies asking
Speaker 4: me for directions to my eleventh grade Spanish teacher, mister Collins,
Speaker 4: who would tell my dad at parent teacher conferences, you
Speaker 4: speak Spanish, Anita should be better in class. After our trip,
Speaker 4: my dad exchanged email and contact information with Catherine, Fiorell
Speaker 4: La Pocha, and the rest of the family. I leave
Speaker 4: with memories, but not much more Spanish than what I
Speaker 4: went in with. Catherine emailed me. I never responded. I
Speaker 4: just let everyone go. It made it that much easier
Speaker 4: to think to myself, I don't speak Spanish, so what's
Speaker 4: the point. A year later, in two thousand and eight,
Speaker 4: I moved to New York for college. I focused on
Speaker 4: building a career for myself in the film and television world.
Speaker 4: My trips home became less and less frequent. Life went on.
Speaker 4: In twenty thirteen, I'm paying rent for my Brooklyn apartment
Speaker 4: by working hard as a production assistant. One chilly November day,
Speaker 4: I'm putting a call sheet together for an upcoming shoot,
Speaker 4: and then I get a phone call that changes everything.
Speaker 4: My dad in Connecticut needed life saving surgery to replace
Speaker 4: a leaky heart valve. He then had to stay in
Speaker 4: a rehab facility and ended up getting really depressed, his
Speaker 4: memory weakened. He started forgetting to take his antidepressants and
Speaker 4: heart medication. He was showering less. He forget to pay
Speaker 4: his bills. Some years earlier, Mayabuelo had been diagnosed with
Speaker 4: Alzheimer's and my grandmother with dementia. What's the day diference
Speaker 4: between these two, I'm honestly not one hundred percent sure
Speaker 4: does it matter? I see them as equally agonizing. Alzheimer's
Speaker 4: is often hereditary. Was it coming now for my father?
Speaker 4: One day in twenty sixteen, I was on the phone
Speaker 4: with my dad. I brought up the fact that he
Speaker 4: had mentioned wanting to return to Lima with me. He
Speaker 4: had no idea what I was talking about. I got
Speaker 4: off the phone and cried because I knew something was wrong.
Speaker 4: The year later, I was standing waiting for my Greyhound
Speaker 4: bus back to New York when my dad's doctor called
Speaker 4: me to break the noose. At age sixty four, my
Speaker 4: dad was officially diagnosed with dementia. Soon after, I moved
Speaker 4: my dad into an assisted living facility in Connecticut. The
Speaker 4: road ahead was frightening. More than one hundred miles away
Speaker 4: in Brooklyn, I became a long distance caregiver. This means
Speaker 4: that though I'm not living with my dad providing his
Speaker 4: day to day care, I'm his health and financial power
Speaker 4: of attorney. I manage his money, make his doctor's appointments,
Speaker 4: plan for emergencies, hire other caregivers to take him to
Speaker 4: those appointments, pay his bills. The list goes on and on.
Speaker 4: In twenty eighteen, just one year after his diagnosis, my
Speaker 4: dad can't remember what he had for dinner the previous day.
Speaker 4: And anything he can't remember sends me into a spiral.
Speaker 4: I can't let him see me cry. So on one visit,
Speaker 4: I go into the hallway of his assisted living facility
Speaker 4: and I called John, my husband, who back then was
Speaker 4: my boyfriend. I tell him I feel like my dad
Speaker 4: is slipping away. I've become a video and podcast producer.
Speaker 4: So John suggests I ask my dad questions preserve his memories.
Speaker 4: I wipe away my tears, go back to my dad
Speaker 4: and ask if I can interview him. He immediately says, yes,
Speaker 4: do you remember when you were in Lima for an earthquake?
Speaker 5: I remember, I think was Maysay first. It was may
Speaker 5: Say first, nineteen seventy.
Speaker 4: Over the next few months, I start recording videos with him,
Speaker 4: asking all sorts of questions. Have you ever met any
Speaker 4: famous people?
Speaker 5: Yes, so Jesse Jackson one time.
Speaker 10: That's right, I say, Jesse Jackson, Hello, Hello, de Paddigar.
Speaker 4: I wonder if I'll have kids, and at this rate,
Speaker 4: will my dad still be around if this day comes?
Speaker 4: What if these videos are all I have to show them?
Speaker 4: I start really getting into it. So does my dad.
Speaker 4: I remember how funny he is. You're a big farmer,
Speaker 4: so am I? Yeah, yeah, loud loud farts.
Speaker 5: I think that that's that's kind of the fun My mother.
Speaker 11: She could be in the in the kitchen, in the bathroom,
Speaker 11: but far away and you can't hear, and she said,
Speaker 11: excuse me, gussies.
Speaker 4: I struggle, but I start asking questions in Spanish the
Speaker 4: best I can. His eyes light up.
Speaker 9: Uh aura est is me h going mm hmm, don't
Speaker 9: where don't they your practica espanol?
Speaker 5: Okay?
Speaker 4: I know that the earliest memories are often the ones
Speaker 4: dementia patients hold on to the longest. And now I
Speaker 4: wonder what big things held get first? Good he forget English?
Speaker 4: What if Spanish is the only way we can communicate?
Speaker 4: Someday I want to speak Spanish. I want to stay
Speaker 4: connected with my dad.
Speaker 9: To dyna una vida mui and in my opinion, guando
Speaker 9: erra mujjoven dynae muchos.
Speaker 4: Mixing up my verb tenses. I asked my dad to
Speaker 4: tell me about the many jobs he had when he
Speaker 4: was young.
Speaker 10: In Uayor.
Speaker 4: My dad tells me about the radio show he hosted
Speaker 4: from New York in nineteen ninety two, local news and
Speaker 4: music from Peru. He would play musika Cyoya, Peruvian waltz,
Speaker 4: gondor basa. He even breaks out his radio.
Speaker 12: Voice stay floris in staas Informacionario America.
Speaker 4: Maybe it was always in the stars that I too
Speaker 4: would one day work in audio Peru.
Speaker 6: The Tora familia mitiao.
Speaker 4: See he has many memories of his family in Peru,
Speaker 4: cousin Boa, his neighbors, and other people he knew that
Speaker 4: have since passed away. It's hard for me to wrap
Speaker 4: my brain around the fact that he can't remember what
Speaker 4: he had for breakfast, but he remembers the address of
Speaker 4: the home he grew up in. Being a long distance
Speaker 4: caretaker comes with a certain amount of guilt. I feel
Speaker 4: bad when I'm not there, which is most of the time.
Speaker 4: And I also constantly think about the fact fact that
Speaker 4: once he's gone, there will be no one left that
Speaker 4: would connect me to my dad in the United States.
Speaker 4: I have this entire family in Lima that I haven't
Speaker 4: attempted to contact in over a decade. I'm losing my
Speaker 4: dad slowly, but I don't have to lose my family.
Speaker 1: Coming up on Latino, USA, Anita decides to reconnect with
Speaker 1: her family and with the language that holds the key
Speaker 1: to her father's baby memory. Stay with us.
Speaker 13: Yes, I'm so happy that you are celebrating your thirty years.
Speaker 13: I just wanted to thank you so much from the
Speaker 13: bottom of my quote, Dawn. The stories have touched me
Speaker 13: and many of us and are henter Familia. It's just
Speaker 13: really inquiring the fact that Natia constantly pushing forward stories
Speaker 13: that many of us can relate to, especially people of color,
Speaker 13: and career stories that for me in particular, being a
Speaker 13: member of both communities is very meaningful. So with that said,
Speaker 13: I want to say salud ahead to thirty more years
Speaker 13: and many more to come.
Speaker 1: Hey, we're back, and before the break, we heard the
Speaker 1: story of Anita Flores and her journey to reconnect with
Speaker 1: her father's native language Spanish. Here's Anita with the rest
Speaker 1: of the story.
Speaker 4: I want to get back in touch with my dad's family.
Speaker 4: But how I look through my dad's papers. He's the
Speaker 4: kind of person that writes important information on a receipt
Speaker 4: the back of an envelope napkins. Miraculously, I find a
Speaker 4: list of emails in a journal buried underneath a pile
Speaker 4: of old newspapers on his tiny kitchen table. I try
Speaker 4: every email address, and everyone bounces back except for one, Catherine's.
Speaker 4: She was my inquisitive cousin who asked me many questions
Speaker 4: when we met, the one who emailed me right after
Speaker 4: my first visit to Peru, and to whom I never replied.
Speaker 4: I decide to write.
Speaker 9: Her my cousin, Catherine wrote back to me less than
Speaker 9: twenty minutes later, after having not spoken for eleven years.
Speaker 4: I'm working with audio now, so instead of filming everything
Speaker 4: as I did in the first trip to Lima, I
Speaker 4: now keep sort of an audio diary, and these voice
Speaker 4: notes are my records of that first attempt to reconnect
Speaker 4: with my family in Peru, solo without my father's help.
Speaker 4: Catherine writes to me with so much love, the way
Speaker 4: you talk to well family. She gives me a full
Speaker 4: breakdown of all our relatives. The first and last time
Speaker 4: I saw Catherine, she was in her early twenties. Now
Speaker 4: twelve years later, she sends me an update on her
Speaker 4: four year old son.
Speaker 9: Quenta memas tea.
Speaker 4: That's funny, Catherine asks me if I've gotten married yet.
Speaker 4: The conversation turns serious soon though. I tell her about
Speaker 4: my dad's diagnosis and how I'm taking care of him.
Speaker 4: Get amost visitor la familia in Peru. Pero aora is dificile,
Speaker 4: lociento parami alciencia, estes annos pasados, estava avert aver gonzadomanol,
Speaker 4: And just like that, more than a decade of silence
Speaker 4: is over. We write to each other a bit more,
Speaker 4: and then emails turn into WhatsApp messages.
Speaker 2: Oh la.
Speaker 5: Demandovelis.
Speaker 4: Catherine sends me updates on her life. She lovingly coaches
Speaker 4: little Thago, my nephew, to send me kisses. We start
Speaker 4: speaking on the phone, and then it hits me, I've
Speaker 4: been missing out on this family, this love because I
Speaker 4: was self conscious about my Spanish the last time I
Speaker 4: went to Lima. My dad planned the trip, but that's
Speaker 4: no longer an option. I need to create my own
Speaker 4: bonds with my family in Peru, and I won't be
Speaker 4: able to do that while I'm caregiving for my father.
Speaker 4: I make the difficult decision to go back to Lima,
Speaker 4: this time without Poppy. Cousin Katherine offered to let me
Speaker 4: stay with her. It's January twenty nineteen when I get
Speaker 4: to Catherine's salmon colored three floor house she shares with
Speaker 4: her sister Fiorilla. I meet my nephew Thiago. He's a
Speaker 4: little shy at first.
Speaker 3: Oda.
Speaker 4: Yes, I also meet my four year old niece, Makareena.
Speaker 4: She's my cousin Fiorilla's daughters. Hey, she has a laugh
Speaker 4: that makes my heart melt. We're playing with her tiny
Speaker 4: new kitten Bandido Tom, named after Tom of the infamous
Speaker 4: Tom and Jerry. At first, it's scary here without my dad,
Speaker 4: but then it's not scary, it's it's wonderful. I have
Speaker 4: a headache every day because I've never spoken this much
Speaker 4: for this long, but my family sees me. There's no
Speaker 4: camcorder this time. I'm using an iPhone now to record
Speaker 4: moments with my family, but I'm not hiding. I have
Speaker 4: no choice but to speak. I capture as much audio
Speaker 4: and video as I can to share with my dad.
Speaker 4: When I'm back, I have every member of the family
Speaker 4: send their love to him.
Speaker 1: I'll lamassos.
Speaker 4: When I get back to the US, I rush to
Speaker 4: visit my dad in the assisted living facility in Connecticut.
Speaker 4: I have so much to share with him. What did
Speaker 4: you think of all those videos I showed you, Well,
Speaker 4: they are very emotional.
Speaker 5: Here to see my families, my friends so many years, and.
Speaker 12: I hope I can't go there to Pru soon we
Speaker 12: can go together to crew can see them.
Speaker 4: Seeing the faces of his cousins and nephews expressing their
Speaker 4: love for him, it ignites something in my dad. He
Speaker 4: starts calling Potra, Jesus and Catherine every week. How would
Speaker 4: you feel if we switched you to You know, I
Speaker 4: can get you a calling card, but it's much less
Speaker 4: expensive than long distance. Do you know what a calling
Speaker 4: card is?
Speaker 13: Yeah?
Speaker 11: A calling card?
Speaker 7: Well in pendo.
Speaker 4: Card see Bubby see As soon as it's twenty twenty
Speaker 4: two and my dad's phone bill has skyrocketed, he forgets
Speaker 4: that he's making call Salema multiple times a week. One
Speaker 4: month his bill is six hundred dollars. I get rid
Speaker 4: of his long distance and switch him to calling cards.
Speaker 4: He's also started having balance issues, falling out of chairs,
Speaker 4: out of his bed. We've gone to the er a
Speaker 4: few times now. He has a bed guard and a
Speaker 4: chair with arms that he can't fall out of even
Speaker 4: if he dozes off. My Boppy's dementia progression is like
Speaker 4: a rubber band. The timeline stretches out, but at any
Speaker 4: moment it can snap back and things can change fast.
Speaker 4: He needs to be prompted to shower, get dressed, eat
Speaker 4: and take his meds. But he still has his memories
Speaker 4: of Peru. And one thing has become very clear as
Speaker 4: he now asks me the same question over and over,
Speaker 4: when can we go to Lima? It would take me
Speaker 4: a full year to fulfill my dad's biggest wish, a
Speaker 4: medication schedule, a plan with his memory care doctor meal,
Speaker 4: prep a wheelchair for the airport constant supervision. But it's happening.
Speaker 4: Fifteen years after our first trip together to Lima and
Speaker 4: four years after my first visit without my dad, We're
Speaker 4: all going back, my husband included. My dad is.
Speaker 2: Elatedita Comota to Yo Pappy heat Tamata to John Tembo records,
Speaker 2: Totius is tamutus. He is don continent, say this, and
Speaker 2: he's been calling family in Lima multiple times a week
Speaker 2: to remind them we're coming.
Speaker 4: He loves to call me right after and be like,
Speaker 4: they're so excited we're coming. His energy is very kid.
Speaker 4: On Christmas Eve, Hi.
Speaker 7: Anita's me Dad, I as you know, I have my suitcase.
Speaker 7: I'm very excited at all the trip because Chelse's like
Speaker 7: a week away.
Speaker 4: Now, there's no time like the present, Especially with a
Speaker 4: disease like dementia. It's not going to be easy, but
Speaker 4: it's happening this time. I'm more confident speaking Spanish. I've
Speaker 4: been taking online lessons, so is my husband. This is
Speaker 4: not scientific, but I feel in my heart that speaking
Speaker 4: to my dad in Spanish is soothing, It's familiar to him.
Speaker 11: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: It's late March twenty twenty three and we're packing Dad
Speaker 4: and heading to the airport tomorrow.
Speaker 5: What do you think is true?
Speaker 3: Hmm.
Speaker 4: Dad is acting like he's getting ready for a first date.
Speaker 4: He's nervous. Should I bring dress shoes? He asks me.
Speaker 4: I'm nervous too. I feel like we're all at the
Speaker 4: top of a roller coaster, just waiting for the plunge,
Speaker 4: see especially La. And we decide it's too hot for
Speaker 4: dress shoes and Lima's eighty five degree weather. As we
Speaker 4: bring my dad's luggage downstairs about to head to the airport,
Speaker 4: residents at the assisted living facility excitedly wish my dad well.
Speaker 4: He gives a security guard a handshake and a hug.
Speaker 4: They know exactly where he's going because he's been telling
Speaker 4: them four months.
Speaker 3: Outa esperando.
Speaker 4: We're at the airport in Connecticut, two hours to go
Speaker 4: before we can board our flight to Lima, so I
Speaker 4: whip out my H one N recorder to kill some.
Speaker 3: Time to bien emosino, but see and also and feelful.
Speaker 4: Dad and I are both very in our heads right now.
Speaker 4: He wonders what this reunion will be like. I worry
Speaker 4: that I'll resort back to my nineteen year old self
Speaker 4: and just let my dad and husband talk the whole
Speaker 4: time while I obsess over if I'm being a good caregiver.
Speaker 4: None of us sleep on the plane. My dad doesn't
Speaker 4: watch TV or listen to music. He asks me multiple
Speaker 4: times to show him the little map on the screen
Speaker 4: that tracks how close we are to our destination.
Speaker 5: Jo Hip just okay, yama alima, that's.
Speaker 7: Lima.
Speaker 4: It seems like something has clicked for my dad. He's
Speaker 4: pockative and relieved after plenty of anxious pacing at the airport.
Speaker 4: We're here. It's us into right into It's midnight. As
Speaker 4: we leave the airport, I see a man holding a
Speaker 4: sign that has my name on it, which makes me
Speaker 4: feel like a celebrity. Cousin Catherine has arranged a driver
Speaker 4: to pick us up and bring us to her house.
Speaker 4: We pass a woman holding a large Peruvian flag as
Speaker 4: she greets a loved one. I know it's not for us,
Speaker 4: but it feels like it is. I Catherine opens the
Speaker 4: door and immediately gives my dad the biggest hug It's
Speaker 4: a lovely feeling to return to this house and have
Speaker 4: it feel familiar. The next morning, I wake up sweating
Speaker 4: birds like these will be my alarm clock every day
Speaker 4: at six thirty am for the rest of the trip.
Speaker 4: A climate pattern called El Nino has made early autumn
Speaker 4: and Lima unseasonably hot. I soon come to learn that
Speaker 4: the sun will be our enemy from ten thirty am
Speaker 4: until four pm every day. AC units aren't really a
Speaker 4: thing in Peru's homes, but Catherine has every fan running.
Speaker 13: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Before we move to the airbnb we rented for our
Speaker 4: eleven days stay, my prima treats us to a big
Speaker 4: homemade breakfast. Her sons, my nephews, Joaquin and Thiago, are
Speaker 4: at school now, so it's just the four of us,
Speaker 4: which puts me at ease, myself feeling more relaxed speaking
Speaker 4: Spanish in a smaller group. She makes us fresh juice
Speaker 4: with mango and maraguya cote.
Speaker 5: Wow.
Speaker 4: Catherine fixes my dad a Peruvian tamal sandwich, something he
Speaker 4: hasn't had in twenty years. So I can only understand
Speaker 4: half of what my cousin is saying. Being here together
Speaker 4: feels really natural. I take the words I understand and
Speaker 4: piece them together like a puzzle. Ayer Jannio estamos in Fermo,
Speaker 4: Inmo and fermos iyaorabien esta in Fermot.
Speaker 3: We know almost dying.
Speaker 10: No, I feel fine, but I'm extoco communic comericyvez. Look
Speaker 10: at Melia, John and a Medicinas.
Speaker 4: I knew this trip wouldn't be easy. We did our
Speaker 4: best to prepare, but you can't prepare for the exact
Speaker 4: moment everyone gets stomach sick, or how awful I'd feel
Speaker 4: from just five minutes in this insane heat, or the
Speaker 4: moment Dad wanders out of our airbnb on his own.
Speaker 4: That's happened twice now, John, that's sick, some kind of
Speaker 4: stomach bug, or maybe drink some tapwater. And so I
Speaker 4: was on domestic duty, laundry and also making sure my
Speaker 4: dad was fed and had his pills. And let's say,
Speaker 4: at the core of my exhaustion, it's just the constant
Speaker 4: reminder that he is in decline. You know, he only
Speaker 4: really has the energy, or at least yesterday, only had
Speaker 4: the energy to sit. It's like he's not there. I
Speaker 4: just didn't I didn't expect it to be hard in
Speaker 4: the way that it is. Oh and I guess it
Speaker 4: doesn't help that I'm sick right now. My heart hurts
Speaker 4: from watching my dad seemingly disappear into his illness. This
Speaker 4: extreme al Nino heat makes it hard to plan outings
Speaker 4: to the beach. During the day, when my dad is
Speaker 4: at his highest energy is also when it's too hot
Speaker 4: to go, So we head over at sunset.
Speaker 7: See.
Speaker 4: Dad's not as talkative as I assumed he'd be, but
Speaker 4: I figure once he gets a whiff of that ocean breeze,
Speaker 4: he'll be transported back to his child.
Speaker 14: Gay Guy era sup the Lape.
Speaker 7: See.
Speaker 4: In the past, Dad talked about going to the beach
Speaker 4: with Butcha and Jesus when they were kids. He's told
Speaker 4: me repeatedly that he dreams about this beach. But now
Speaker 4: he's still and quiet. It's happening the thing where he's
Speaker 4: just staring. I feel like I'm sitting next to a
Speaker 4: duplicate of my dad, except this dad seems empty.
Speaker 5: I am enough.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's not reacted the way I expected, which is okay.
Speaker 3: Just feel bad. I don't know it makes him sad
Speaker 3: or something.
Speaker 4: It feels like my dad needs some kind of key
Speaker 4: to unlock a memory. I thought the beach would be
Speaker 4: the key to everything. But maybe the key doesn't work
Speaker 4: because the memories aren't there anymore. He's looking for the past,
Speaker 4: and I'm looking for words to communicate. We're both searching
Speaker 4: for something. We're about to do a big sit down
Speaker 4: dinner with every family member that I've met, and I
Speaker 4: am extremely nervous. I'm starting to look for words and
Speaker 4: Spanish in my head now, like I can collect them
Speaker 4: and save them for later.
Speaker 9: Please pray for me, especially Almente AQI reque this, I say,
Speaker 9: oh Ano, pero commos secocnfrijes anti putros picarones.
Speaker 4: This feels nice. I'm just having a conversation with my family.
Speaker 4: I couldn't have imagined this when I first came to
Speaker 4: Peru at nineteen.
Speaker 9: In Sespon, I've gathered the courage to sit at the
Speaker 9: kids table with my niece and nephews. I'm conducting important
Speaker 9: research here, finding out how they think my Spanish.
Speaker 4: Is yes, yes, yes, they yes no. Fiago gives me
Speaker 4: a ten where they're lying to me. I also asked
Speaker 4: my cousin Fiorrella, what she thinks of my Spanish and
Speaker 4: how it's changed from the first time we met fifteen
Speaker 4: years ago.
Speaker 7: And this is the.
Speaker 5: Amil comus is all along.
Speaker 9: Boya practica andes todavida pero pam Yes. Most important is
Speaker 9: sing la confidantes important.
Speaker 4: Learning Spanish has shown me a love from a kind
Speaker 4: of family I've never experienced before, the kind that eats
Speaker 4: huge meals together, that talks about food while we're eating,
Speaker 4: that sends WhatsApp messages of cats, felice vines, memes and
Speaker 4: voice messages. And though my Spanish isn't perfect, it's good
Speaker 4: enough that I can connect with my family. I can
Speaker 4: speak to my dad in his mother's tongue, the language
Speaker 4: he learned first and maybe forgets last. We're heading to
Speaker 4: lunch at my Dia Jesus's house. The door is open
Speaker 4: for us. When we get to her place, Dad lights
Speaker 4: up in a way I haven't seen in a very
Speaker 4: long time. He's smiling, laughing, talkative. They act like siblings.
Speaker 4: His susa is making a joke. Daniel, do you recognize me?
Speaker 4: Being able to joke about my dad's memory breaks at
Speaker 4: tension and makes me feel less alone as a caregiver,
Speaker 4: which is nice for every time Boppy gets quiet and
Speaker 4: disappears into his dementia. There are also the energetic, happy
Speaker 4: moments when he's still my dad, like when we're on
Speaker 4: our way to eat anticucos and picaresco with the family
Speaker 4: after spending the day with everyone at Pocha's house. There's
Speaker 4: nine of us making our way down the steps past
Speaker 4: al Pente de losuspiros. As the two of us are
Speaker 4: walking together behind our big family group. I ask him
Speaker 4: what this trip has meant to him?
Speaker 6: Who significant muccu or emoes demsel borbera pasalo borberto paso
Speaker 6: to muco recordos spero tratun no bevid precincti, Jose palo
Speaker 6: pfio bevitd precincti.
Speaker 4: I'm realizing that perhaps family is what brings my dad
Speaker 4: to life now. They are the key to everything. And
Speaker 4: though I wonder all the time how different things could
Speaker 4: have been if I had tried to stay connected fifteen
Speaker 4: years ago, none of that matters. My dad tells me
Speaker 4: that he wants to live in the present now and
Speaker 4: that's all we have. It's our final day and lim
Speaker 4: our flight isn't until that night, so we have a
Speaker 4: big lunch with my cousin's nieces and nephews when we
Speaker 4: say goodbye to Catherine, I am crying. My dad brings
Speaker 4: me in for a hug and tells me it's okay.
Speaker 4: He feels like my dad. Though I'm taking care of
Speaker 4: him now, he's still my father. It's sad to miss family,
Speaker 4: but it's really nice to have a family to miss.
Speaker 4: I still struggled with my Spanish, and though it isn't perfect,
Speaker 4: I didn't hide behind my dad this time. The memories
Speaker 4: I have of Lima fifteen years ago are moments of
Speaker 4: anxiety and regret Beneson. Memories of my aunt's telling stories
Speaker 4: about my dad, memories of flying paper planes with my nephews,
Speaker 4: memories of countless meals together. I take comfort in the
Speaker 4: fact that no matter what happens, my dad is a
Speaker 4: part of me. As long as I keep in touch
Speaker 4: with my family and speak my father's tongue, I'll always
Speaker 4: be connected to him. I've got a long way to go, Beroes.
Speaker 4: I just had to look up if I use that
Speaker 4: verb correctly, which I did. See progress.
Speaker 1: This episode was produced by Anita Flores and Julia Rocha,
Speaker 1: who was edited by Andreanroes Crusado and mixed by Julia Crusoe.
Speaker 1: The Latino USA team includes Marta Martinez, Mike Sergeant, Daisy Contreras,
Speaker 1: Victoria Estra, Patrisa Subanan, and Elizabeth Lento Torres. Our editorial
Speaker 1: directory is Fernanda Santos. Our director of Engineering is Stephanie Lebau.
Speaker 1: Our associate engineers are Gabriel Lebiez and JJ Carubin. Our
Speaker 1: marketing manager is Luis Luna. Our theme music was composed
Speaker 1: by Sanger Rubinos, I'm your host and executive producer Marie
Speaker 1: Na Posta. Join us again on our next episode. In
Speaker 1: the meantime, look for us on social media and acquordad
Speaker 1: not Yes Chao.
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Speaker 4: Okay, I'm gonna worry about being locked in later and
Speaker 4: just finish this.
Speaker 5: All right.
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 4: I feel like I am. I don't know if I
Speaker 4: closed it wrong, but I feel like I'm London. Are
Speaker 4: you kidding me? Oh good? I'm glad we're recording all
Speaker 4: of this too,