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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to stuff.

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Speaker 1: When never told your production of iHeart Radio. And hopefully

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Speaker 1: as this comes out it is are publishing schedule can

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Speaker 1: be a bit of a mystery. Things can change very quickly,

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Speaker 1: but I believe this is coming out in the New Year,

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Speaker 1: in which case, Happy New Year, Happy New Year. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and I want to bring back this classic one. It's

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Speaker 1: it's semi recent. I think we did this at the

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Speaker 1: end of but it was about the pressure women in

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Speaker 1: particular feel around New Year's um around like having a

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Speaker 1: good time and making resolutions and kissing and that kind

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Speaker 1: of stuff. And as we've probably maybe talked about, I

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Speaker 1: recently watched all of Samantha gave me a list of

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Speaker 1: her like holiday go to movies, uh, and I watched

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Speaker 1: them all in one weekend. And I called it in

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Speaker 1: the universe because Hugh Grant was in a lot of Yes,

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Speaker 1: I know that I did not notice until like way later.

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Speaker 1: How I collected my movies and a chunk of them

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Speaker 1: have Hugh Grant. And I'm not a huge h Grand fan.

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Speaker 1: I'm not. I think he's a papa's ass, but he

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Speaker 1: just kind of a character and he happens to be

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Speaker 1: in that movie, and like, damn it, no, it was

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Speaker 1: just funny. I think the universe is very clever, so

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Speaker 1: I'm happy about it. Very clever, but I feel no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: but it was funny because I think at least one

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Speaker 1: of them, at least one of them for sure, but

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Speaker 1: I think two of them had a New Year's which

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Speaker 1: we have talked about at this point if you've listened sequentially,

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Speaker 1: but Joe's Diary that is more of a New Year's

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Speaker 1: movie to me, right, and I think what I think

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Speaker 1: the holiday is a new year. It has a New

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Speaker 1: Year's kind of yeah. Okay, well it's funny because we're

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Speaker 1: doing these out of orders, so we haven't actually had

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Speaker 1: this conversation, but if you're listening to it, then we

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Speaker 1: we have to you already, um podcasting. But it just

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Speaker 1: got me thinking about this again and kind of how

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Speaker 1: to me strange that feels with that like we've got

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Speaker 1: to kiss at midnight or whatever it is. Uh So

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Speaker 1: I look forward to having that conversation. I look forward

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Speaker 1: to you listeners having heard it already or going back

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Speaker 1: to listen to it. But also, yes, again, happy New Year's.

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Speaker 1: We hope it was great and please enjoy this classic episode. Hey,

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Speaker 1: this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to stuff I

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Speaker 1: never told you production of I Heart Radio. So Samantha

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Speaker 1: and I we've been pretty up front with our feelings

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Speaker 1: about New Year's as we approached the edge and the

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Speaker 1: beginning of We are not its biggest fans of the

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Speaker 1: party aspect of it. I guess all of the trappings

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Speaker 1: of New Year's um and we have a tradition, a

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Speaker 1: recent tradition of wearing onesies and contacting each other. I

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Speaker 1: wear the Spider Man one. Oh that's right. When we

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Speaker 1: are you did you did by that Spider Man one?

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Speaker 1: I forgot about it, that's right, I did? You did?

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Speaker 1: And like skyped or FaceTime and uh yeah we did? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: And I got mac and cheese over to me two

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Speaker 1: different times that night. Yes, And then we got it

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Speaker 1: the next day, didn't we Yeah? I had three orders

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Speaker 1: of mac and cheese. I was proud of you. That's

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Speaker 1: I mean. It was one of my best New Year's

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Speaker 1: Eve I've never ever had. And that's the truth. It

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Speaker 1: was a good one. I think it was a good

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Speaker 1: one too. And I definitely just stayed at home. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's been my latest tradition in the last two years

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Speaker 1: is just to sit at home plus three years maybe, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think for me as well. And I do want

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Speaker 1: to say I've had good New Year's ease um, and

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Speaker 1: I've had good New Year's days um, and I've I've

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Speaker 1: done like the huge party thing and had a good time.

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Speaker 1: But I feel like it's very very hit and miss

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Speaker 1: for me here miss um and just it became I

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Speaker 1: wasn't having enough hits and I was having a lot

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Speaker 1: of mrs right, yeah, And I think part of that

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Speaker 1: for me being cheap, it's like a I don't want

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Speaker 1: to drive because if I drink right, we're all I

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Speaker 1: don't want to endanger anyone. As well as the fact

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Speaker 1: that yes, police are out on the you know streams

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Speaker 1: ready to go on New Year's and then be the

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Speaker 1: fees to get uber or left too. I can't, like,

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Speaker 1: I just I definitely couldn't. So I was like, I'll

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Speaker 1: just stay home. Yeah, so that's been my thing, but yeah,

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Speaker 1: the next day has been delightful several times now cut

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Speaker 1: A few friends of mine will get together and go

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Speaker 1: to a restaurant to get the black peas collars and

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Speaker 1: for sure, yeah, yeah, that's I always make sure to

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Speaker 1: have that. I've had many a fun waffle house next day.

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Speaker 1: Well for some of us it wasn't so fun, but

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Speaker 1: I had a good time. Yeah. Um, I think yeah,

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Speaker 1: the last few years, especially in the last four years,

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Speaker 1: the party our our crew because we're getting older, our crew,

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Speaker 1: my crew, I guess we're getting older, and a lot

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Speaker 1: of people have families now and all that, so it's

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Speaker 1: just gotta like a little less and less. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: and so in this many we want to talk about

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Speaker 1: the pressures of New Years, particularly for women. But it

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Speaker 1: was funny how many articles I found about people who

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Speaker 1: really don't like New Years saying, like, you know, that

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Speaker 1: doesn't start until midnight, like you've got to really face yourself.

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Speaker 1: And then it's so expensive, like I mean, there's like

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Speaker 1: a coverage charge to get in, and it's crowded, and

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Speaker 1: then you get to pay for the drinks, and then

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Speaker 1: the food is not very good and you're just not

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Speaker 1: gonna feel very well the next day. And it's like

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Speaker 1: kind of all about drinking and if you don't want

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Speaker 1: to drink, and there's solved that, and then you're putting

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Speaker 1: all this pressure on your stuff with this resolution right,

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Speaker 1: this is gonna be my year or whatever. As if

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Speaker 1: the last year was useless. It kind of was so well,

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Speaker 1: I mean in this particular case, right, but to be fair,

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Speaker 1: last year, we thought that year was going to be useless. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and so we were really excited about this year. It

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Speaker 1: is kind of like this year has taught me that no,

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Speaker 1: it's okay, it may be worse. Yeah. Yeah. Well and

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Speaker 1: it was the New decade too, so we were all like,

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Speaker 1: not only is it a new year, it's a new decade,

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Speaker 1: it's a new beginning. And then they're like, where's sweatpants?

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Speaker 1: And stay inside? Right, Okay, I work from home, never

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Speaker 1: leave again. So I think a lot of people are

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Speaker 1: going to be celebrating New Year's are away. I mean

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Speaker 1: I don't know about the onesie aspect of it, but

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Speaker 1: still missing out. It was, I mean it was pretty nice.

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Speaker 1: And that video is still up on my Instagram and

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Speaker 1: it's like a minute long and very embarrassing, so if

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Speaker 1: you want to find that, it's up there. Um. So

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Speaker 1: when it comes to pressures of this holiday, I do

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Speaker 1: like there is a pressure to go out, um and

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Speaker 1: to dress up and and something glterally and sparkly have

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Speaker 1: a hell of a party, Like this is the party

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Speaker 1: to say goodbye to this whole year, not everything that

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Speaker 1: happened and in that year, good or bad. And those

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Speaker 1: are just high expectations, and I feel you're setting yourself

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Speaker 1: up for a letdown inevitably. Yeah, I definitely would agree

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Speaker 1: with that. There's so many things that you're supposed to

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Speaker 1: be doing, and it's such a couple of year, like

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Speaker 1: like a couple of year, a couple of time of

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Speaker 1: year where if you're not with someone, it's very obvious,

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Speaker 1: overtly obvious. Yeah, And and so that's one of the things,

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Speaker 1: is the kiss, Like there's this pressure to kiss at midnight,

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Speaker 1: and you know, you start getting to count down and

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Speaker 1: your you're surreptitiously looking around for people to see, Like

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Speaker 1: as a single lady anyway, I'm like, well, who do

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Speaker 1: do I want to kiss? Anybody? Like? Why am I

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Speaker 1: just gonna stand there awkwardly? How weird is this going

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Speaker 1: to be? If I don't find someone? In general, like

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Speaker 1: this hasn't been a huge problem for me, but one

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Speaker 1: year I was at UM a friend of ours, a

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Speaker 1: friend and co worker, Matt Frederick, who was like the

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Speaker 1: sweetest person on the planet, he was having a huge

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Speaker 1: New Year's party, and it was like I was running

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Speaker 1: out kissing books or something because I made it out

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Speaker 1: with this guy and he was like, oh wow, that

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Speaker 1: was so good. And then this other guy was there

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Speaker 1: and he was like, oh, I need a kiss too,

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Speaker 1: And then it became like this talk of the party

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Speaker 1: of like how I kissed every guy and I was

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Speaker 1: like what interesting? Yes, yes, um. And then one time

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Speaker 1: I made out with one of my lady friends, like

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Speaker 1: I don't know, made out, We kissed, um, and a

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Speaker 1: bunch of dudes yelled at me basically for depriving them

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Speaker 1: of a kiss kissing partner. And I was like, I

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Speaker 1: don't know you and I don't owe you anything, and um,

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Speaker 1: why is this a thing at all? Okay, I don't

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Speaker 1: you have the weirdest experiences to me because that has

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Speaker 1: never been a thing for me. I've never been told

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Speaker 1: I owed them a kiss. And maybe I just have

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Speaker 1: that bitch face that we've talked about before where I'm like, no,

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Speaker 1: why are you trying to talk to me? Are you

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Speaker 1: trying to touch me? What is wrong with you? To

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Speaker 1: be fair, though, oftentimes with the parties that I go

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Speaker 1: to again are very coupling parties, so I am the

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Speaker 1: one single person outside that, so there's rarely the opportunity.

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Speaker 1: I don't I don't remember going out out, so I

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Speaker 1: remember last year you into a party or the twenty

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Speaker 1: Roaring Twenties party, which I didn't know what the theme.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't figure out why the theme was that, Like

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Speaker 1: I'm like, roaring, why are you wearing uh jazz stuff?

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Speaker 1: I don't understand. I was like, oh, the twenties, I

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Speaker 1: get it, Like it took me a long time to

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Speaker 1: figure that out. Um, but yeah, I definitely never been

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Speaker 1: around that typically. Like I said, I'm with friends, so

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Speaker 1: we all hug each other and maybe giving each other

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Speaker 1: each other kisses on the cheek, which now thinking on

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Speaker 1: it with COVID nineteen sounds awful and disgusting, and why

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Speaker 1: I know it does. But yeah, my sister also made

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Speaker 1: it very clear to me that it was a couple

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Speaker 1: of traditions, because I've said this before. All of my

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Speaker 1: siblings started bringing uh like partners or people home at

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Speaker 1: the age of fourteen fifteen, Like it was weird to

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Speaker 1: me and I never did that. I recently then met

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Speaker 1: the first partner this year, like my parents I've never

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Speaker 1: brought anyone home before this year, and I'm forty all um,

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Speaker 1: But like my sister would have her boyfriends and if

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Speaker 1: any of the couples were there, and she would tell

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Speaker 1: everyone to go into a specific corner of the house.

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Speaker 1: It was very specific and then loudly count down. And

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Speaker 1: it was typically me because I was the one watching

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Speaker 1: the TV and it was single, so I could sit

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Speaker 1: there and count down for them so they can all

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Speaker 1: in their special spot. She was very bossy make a

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Speaker 1: get of a kiss for the for the New Year's

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Speaker 1: and I was like, what is happening? But I remember

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Speaker 1: this distinctly because she made sure that it happened every

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Speaker 1: year and that she was fifteen sixteen when I when

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Speaker 1: I moved in, so it was like, that's how that

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Speaker 1: went down. So that's what I remember of that. Of course,

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Speaker 1: I also remember watching Dick Clark and the ball drop

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Speaker 1: I did one year ago for the peach drop, and

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Speaker 1: I was so miserable I vowed never to do it again.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, I mean it gets cold and crowded and

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Speaker 1: that's it, and you don't see but this tiny little

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Speaker 1: piece that barely drops. You don't even know what happened.

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Speaker 1: You're like, what's it? Yeah, and you're stuck in the

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Speaker 1: you know. So apparently this whole kissing at midnight being

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Speaker 1: on New Years came from well, didn't come from, but

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Speaker 1: it was popularized to buy When Harry met Sally, which

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Speaker 1: I watched for the first time last night, by the way,

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Speaker 1: and yes, that does happen. Um, so that came out

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Speaker 1: or The Godfather Part two, which I haven't seen, so

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Speaker 1: I can't verify that. Yeah, that's when the Fredo kiss.

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Speaker 1: Oh well, I don't know what that means, but I

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Speaker 1: know fred it was like useless, right, you broke my heart?

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Speaker 1: Right O. That's that line. That's the phrato kiss. I think,

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Speaker 1: I think if I'm correct, because like they do a countdown. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I've heard it's a miserable one, like the Harry and

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Speaker 1: Sally one is like, yeah, it's sad, okay, yeah yeah.

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Speaker 1: Well so you've got two different versions of it there.

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Speaker 1: The first recorded instance in the US goes back to you.

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Speaker 1: A New York Times article from eighteen sixty three quote,

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Speaker 1: New Year's Eve is a great time among the Germans,

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Speaker 1: who assembol around the domestic fireside in their public halls,

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Speaker 1: their clubhouses, their theaters, their concert houses, and their beer nerves,

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Speaker 1: beer nerves or minor beer sellers to pass the waning

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Speaker 1: hours of the Old Year with music, song, the drama,

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Speaker 1: and the forest good cheer and merriment. As the cock

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Speaker 1: staring out the hour of midnight, all this festivity pauses

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Speaker 1: for a moment to listen, and as the last joke

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Speaker 1: dies into silence, all big and little, old and young,

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Speaker 1: male and female, pushing to each other's arms and hearty

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Speaker 1: kisses go around like rolls of labial musketry with the

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Speaker 1: exclamation prost new yard, Hail the New Year. Gentlemen and

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Speaker 1: ladies in the bloom of youth heartily approved this custom,

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Speaker 1: and their venerable predecessors likewise seemed to reliship if t're

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Speaker 1: only for the sake of old lang sign So uh,

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Speaker 1: I don't know. It sounds like maybe people just wanted

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Speaker 1: to kiss and it became a thing. I've certainly. We

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Speaker 1: did an episode on New Year's traditions on Saber, and

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Speaker 1: there are a lot of like things like that, but

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Speaker 1: most of them are alcohol based and sharing drinks with people.

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure. Also, I want to put in here

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Speaker 1: it's a real downer, but rates of sexual assault in

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Speaker 1: general are higher that night in the US. That makes yeah,

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Speaker 1: And I will say another part to our tradition, which

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Speaker 1: I wish would go away, and I know people have

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Speaker 1: been trying to revamp it, and I do love that,

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Speaker 1: do you do you? But the resolutions for sure, because

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Speaker 1: typically it comes with the connotations of weight loss, I mean,

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Speaker 1: which is completely tied into the single lady thing because

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Speaker 1: we know our only value is to attract men very heteronormative,

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Speaker 1: aren't we um And we can only do that by

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Speaker 1: being really and really beautiful whatever that seems. And I

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Speaker 1: think it's really interesting because right now there's a big

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Speaker 1: conversation about fat phobia and the responsibility of a fat

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Speaker 1: celebrity or those who identify being fat, because the Lizzo

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Speaker 1: had this whole thing, and it's interesting to see what's

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Speaker 1: happening in that conversation. But yeah, it definitely comes with

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Speaker 1: the season two because you're seeing family. I'm freaking out

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Speaker 1: because I've definitely gained weight, uh since seeing my family,

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Speaker 1: So I don't love going to see my family because

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Speaker 1: my brothers are going to make a comment Garnt, even

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Speaker 1: though they're twice my size, they're still gonna make comment,

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Speaker 1: and it makes me nervous and anxious. But that's part

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Speaker 1: of this whole holiday thing that's just awful because you

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Speaker 1: you know, relished or maybe you've been a little bit

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Speaker 1: gluttonous whatever, because it is the holiday season and now

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Speaker 1: you feel guilt Thanks New Years. Um, and then to

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Speaker 1: find a partner. Thing, Like I said, my family is

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Speaker 1: the epitome of you are not of worth unless you

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Speaker 1: have a partner. Again, one holiday tradition, I used to

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Speaker 1: have What's going Home and having my mother cry about

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Speaker 1: how she was gonna how I was going to be

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Speaker 1: alone and die alone. So that was always a fun

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Speaker 1: part of my Christmas traditions. Um. And you know what,

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Speaker 1: because I was so caught up in that, I aim

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Speaker 1: a little superstitious. I definitely believe in like power of

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Speaker 1: things and you know, karma and stuff. But there's a

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Speaker 1: tradition that if you aware pink underwear that you'll find love.

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Speaker 1: And so one time I did that, I don't feel

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Speaker 1: like it worked. Was this a while ago. We're supposed

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Speaker 1: to wear it on New Year's So there's sus colors

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Speaker 1: that you're supposed to wear to bring money, to bring luck,

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Speaker 1: and pink underwear, I think it was one of those

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Speaker 1: things that I don't own that I was like when

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Speaker 1: and made it to a special trip to Target. Gotta

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Speaker 1: find that partner this year. Yeah. Yeah, And we've talked

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Speaker 1: before about that whole which it's gonna be interesting. And

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Speaker 1: since we've been in pandemic, we've been inside and people

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Speaker 1: are talking about like I've lost the whole year of

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Speaker 1: my dating life essentially. But there is that big push

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Speaker 1: on dating apps a new year, where everybody's like joining

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Speaker 1: and trying to find someone. So there's that the yeah,

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Speaker 1: um and yeah, this whole resolution thing. There's so many

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Speaker 1: pressures that specific are specific to women, like be more organized,

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Speaker 1: to take kids to X y Z things, make memories,

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Speaker 1: make healthier foods, have it all. Um. And that's not

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Speaker 1: to say that men don't have those kinds of resolutions, um,

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Speaker 1: and that they're inherently bad or unhealthy, but the pressure

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Speaker 1: to make them is more traditionally on women, I think,

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Speaker 1: and we know women often face higher expectations on they

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Speaker 1: put them on themselves, other people put them on them

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Speaker 1: and there's more burnout because of that, especially coming out

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Speaker 1: of the holidays. Social media can exacerbate all of this.

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Speaker 1: We know that for sure, Um, it's a lot of pressure,

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Speaker 1: and likely women in particularly Winnific color, we're already doing

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Speaker 1: more than white people than men. So the pressure to

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Speaker 1: do more is just like I feel like you're kind

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Speaker 1: of dismissing what intentionally or not, what you've already been doing, right,

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Speaker 1: and then you're adding more and it's it's just too much.

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Speaker 1: It's too much. It's a whole doesn't like self esteem

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Speaker 1: thing and sent the mentality to it that it doesn't

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Speaker 1: hit traditional mill that a normative ideas anyway. So it's

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Speaker 1: kind of like I'm going to read more, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: do this more, you know, thinking that you have to

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Speaker 1: be better somehow, and if you're better somehow, other people

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Speaker 1: will notice and therefore it makes you better exactly. Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And I've if it just feelers so much tied up

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Speaker 1: into that of like I'm not good enough. There's nothing

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Speaker 1: wrong with having goals. Goals are great, but I think

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Speaker 1: a lot of people approach it from this mentality of

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Speaker 1: I'm not enough for whatever reason. Um, and I've I've

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Speaker 1: made the b more social resolution a k A. Meet someone,

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Speaker 1: I've done I've done the things. I've made the weight

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Speaker 1: loss one multiple times I've done more be more fun, which,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, that that you're um being more productive.

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Speaker 1: And then sometimes I make I may resolutions like the

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Speaker 1: year I made the b more social, I also made

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Speaker 1: a resolution that was rest more. So I'm just I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to get better at that part of it. We

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Speaker 1: do have advice, UM, and one of the pieces of

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Speaker 1: advice we found a lot was try and separate what

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Speaker 1: you actually want from what you expect. UM. Gabriel Odingen. Odingen,

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Speaker 1: the author of Rethinking Positive Thinking, advises that w O

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Speaker 1: O P whoop, wish outcome obstacles, plan for setting reasonable

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Speaker 1: expectations for New Year's um for resolution as well. UM.

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Speaker 1: And my therapist, I think I've said it before on

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Speaker 1: the show, is actually recommending people don't set resolutions in

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Speaker 1: or that they're kind to yourself where they're taking to

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Speaker 1: account all these stressors and things like don't don't put

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Speaker 1: something on yourself and there's so much, so much already

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Speaker 1: going on, uh, and recognizing what you've accomplished. I think

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Speaker 1: there's so many things like doing having a marker and

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Speaker 1: having a boundaries. Those are okay, like having a start marker,

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Speaker 1: like this is the timeframe I want to do this,

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Speaker 1: that's okay. But when you start like beating yourself up

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Speaker 1: about it, which happens too often, that's that's the problem.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, um, And I was reading as part of

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Speaker 1: this research. I found a bunch of people's resolutions they

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Speaker 1: were making, like right, hit, Oh we didn't know it

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Speaker 1: was coming. It's like a weird time capsule. It's like,

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Speaker 1: oh jeez. I still think about the fact at the

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Speaker 1: beginning of this year we were planning to go to Portugal.

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Speaker 1: I think, I, yeah, we're going to go to Portugal.

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Speaker 1: I would not have seen Star Wars a hundred more

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Speaker 1: times since then, like it's wild. We even had huge

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Speaker 1: plans from a huge but bigger plans for my birthday

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Speaker 1: and I got watched away, literally literally watched away. Thank

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Speaker 1: you Hurricane Sally. Um And yeah, I know it's kind

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Speaker 1: of tiresome phrase to hear. But of course this year

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Speaker 1: is going to be different. Um, no big parties. I'm

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Speaker 1: doing my traditional meal, as we said, I'm having some champagne,

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Speaker 1: probably watching Star Wars and oh yeah, I will be

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Speaker 1: using I'll be wearing my onesie. I mean, at this point,

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Speaker 1: my giant comfy comforter so I don't think I've made

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Speaker 1: this announcement except on Twitter. My partner for part of

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Speaker 1: my Christmas present, gave me this giant one size and

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Speaker 1: I'm putting air quotes on. It fits all comfy hoodie

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Speaker 1: so it's literally a portable comforter um and I love it.

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Speaker 1: And I look like a giant tip person and I

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Speaker 1: love it. Like literally, I made a joke about the

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Speaker 1: fact that if I just crouched down, it's just become

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Speaker 1: a big gray ball encompasses me so like depth, like

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Speaker 1: like it just completely and I love it. So that

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Speaker 1: might be my onesie for the year. I'll just put

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Speaker 1: Google guys are like a headband on that. That's like

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Speaker 1: um like that like yeah, but that's gonna be my

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Speaker 1: New Year's because yeah, this girl's gonna be staying in

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Speaker 1: I say, game night, maybe with a few friends and

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Speaker 1: just texting everybody a gift us is happy New Year's.

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Speaker 1: That will be my I like it. Get that gift

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Speaker 1: ready to go. Yeah, I'm good, I've got it perfect. Well, listeners,

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Speaker 1: you would not love to know what you're doing for

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Speaker 1: New Year's Um any pressures you felt. If you have

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Speaker 1: a onesie, you can email us our emails Stuff Da

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Speaker 1: mom Stuff at ihart mea dot com. You can also

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Speaker 1: find us on Instagram and Stuff I've Never Told You

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00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:42,479
Speaker 1: or on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks as always

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Speaker 1: to our super producer Andrew Howard. Thanks and thanks to

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Speaker 1: you for listening Stuff I've Never Told You The detection

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Speaker 1: of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from I Heard Radio,

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Speaker 1: you can visit the I Heart Radio app Apple podcast

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Speaker 1: wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Ye