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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Dakota and this is Angie, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 2: from the sponsors to keep the show alive.

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Speaker 1: My mother in law ruined our vacation and blames me

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Speaker 1: for it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you should have thought about that before you plan

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Speaker 2: a vacation with your mother in law.

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Speaker 1: Well that's extreme, Dakota.

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Speaker 2: Well, it's actually Vacate the Vacation Week on Okay Storytime Podcast.

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Speaker 2: So we're unpacking the chaotic, petty, and absolutely unforgettable world

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Speaker 2: of vacation's gone wrong, where the real baggage isn't in

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Speaker 2: your suitcase, it's the people around you.

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Speaker 1: If you're New Year and looking for the story. My

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Speaker 1: husband is currently on vacation with his mistress and I'm

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Speaker 1: confronting them. Just click the link in the show notes

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Speaker 1: a description or search Vacate the Vacation Week on the

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime Podcast wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes

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Speaker 1: drop all weeks starting July first, and trust us, you'll

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Speaker 1: be booking your solo trips by Friday. Let's dive into

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Speaker 1: this one. A little backstory my twenty nine female partner

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Speaker 1: twenty five Mail have been in therapy for the last

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Speaker 1: year deal with a lot of stuff, including his bad

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Speaker 1: relationship with my mother in law. He cut contact about

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Speaker 1: five years ago and that lasted for three issh years.

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Speaker 1: She then moved eight hours away and they reconnected. He

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Speaker 1: and I have been together for a little more than

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Speaker 1: a year and a half and have been living together

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Speaker 1: for a year. Six months ago, I met my mother

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Speaker 1: in law for the first time at her father's funeral

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Speaker 1: Well Wow, and during the stay, she invited me, partner

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Speaker 1: and sister in law's partner on a three week vacation

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Speaker 1: to the US to visit relatives where Danish and comes

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Speaker 1: directly from ruemar one E. And if you want to

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Speaker 1: spend your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

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Speaker 1: storytime severed it. I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm Danish, and

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Speaker 1: we're here to give good advice. Goofy and danishly. So

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Speaker 1: if you want to give good advice danishly put it

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Speaker 1: in the comments in Danish and Opie says sister in

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Speaker 1: law's partner couldn't join us because of his studies. So

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Speaker 1: to the story about my vacation in Heck. It started

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Speaker 1: a week before we left when mother in law announced

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Speaker 1: that she would stay with us until we flew to Chicago.

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Speaker 1: She lands in Denmark Friday and we leave for Chicago Monday.

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Speaker 1: This was very unexpected as we have no guest bedroom,

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Speaker 1: but we made it work. We then left for Chicago,

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Speaker 1: and a lot of airport trouble happened along the way.

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Speaker 2: No, no in Chicago.

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Speaker 1: No, well, actually, I guess maybe in Denmark.

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Speaker 2: In anywhere. No.

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Speaker 1: But we made it to Chicago and picked up the

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Speaker 1: rental car to drive to the middle of nowhere in Michigan.

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Speaker 3: Oh no, they went to Kalamazoo long place.

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Speaker 2: Kalamazoo can't hurt you because it's not real.

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Speaker 1: We arrived at the relative's house and immediately we realized

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Speaker 1: that she is a complete control freak, as in, we

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Speaker 1: are not allowed to make coffee or do our own

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Speaker 1: laundry while there because she doesn't trust us with the machines.

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Speaker 1: You're going to break them. Mother in law starts scolding

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Speaker 1: my partner like a child every time he has his

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Speaker 1: own opinion about anything that doesn't fit with the relative.

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Speaker 1: We brush it off as stress from being there, since

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Speaker 1: we are stressed too. I would never agree to go

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Speaker 1: on a three week trip in another country that I

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Speaker 1: just can't really escape from in an easy way with

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Speaker 1: someone that I didn't have contact with for three years.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it's a bold move going on a

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Speaker 2: three week vacation with the woman you are in therapy

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Speaker 2: for crazy.

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Speaker 1: After a few days, we leave for the family's summer

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Speaker 1: cabin by Lake Michigan. Then it became very clear that

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Speaker 1: mother in law intended for this to be the perfect vacation,

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Speaker 1: which barrently means that she had already formed ideas in

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Speaker 1: her head about how we should think, behave, and react

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Speaker 1: to everything, and every time anything deviated from this, she

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Speaker 1: would make sour remarks, roll her eyes, or just be

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Speaker 1: all out miserable.

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Speaker 2: God man, it sounds so hard for her. Good thing Again,

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Speaker 2: her state of being doesn't infect me.

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Speaker 1: At one point, we're out sight seeing and when we're

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Speaker 1: driving to get lunch, I got carsick. It was really hot,

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Speaker 1: and mother in law drives like she's got a wish

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Speaker 1: to not drive anymore.

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Speaker 2: She's an adrenaline junkie.

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Speaker 1: And because we have an hour drive the other way,

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Speaker 1: I decided to skip food so I don't get worse.

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Speaker 1: This results in eye rolls from mother in law. The

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Speaker 1: day after, we're talking about what to do that day,

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Speaker 1: and she remarks that I should probably stay home because

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Speaker 1: of the car sickness, and promptly leaves the room before

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Speaker 1: I get a chance to answer. This was the only

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Speaker 1: time I got sick, and we had been there for

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Speaker 1: a week and a half at that point, driving every day.

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Speaker 1: After thirty minutes, she returns to our room and throws

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Speaker 1: the car keys at our bed and just leaves. Oh, no,

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Speaker 1: you can drive where if you want.

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Speaker 2: This is the perfect situation now.

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Speaker 1: She then tells sister in law that if she wants something,

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Speaker 1: she can tell me and partner. We're very confused and

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Speaker 1: tired of her behavior at this point, so my or

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Speaker 1: confronts her about it. She gets extremely defensive and completely

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Speaker 1: rewrites what just happened, tells them that it was all

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Speaker 1: just compassion, and then starts crying. Well, that was certainly

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Speaker 1: a play by mother in law.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I would hope at this point you've got

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Speaker 2: the you need the playbook, yeah, because she just handed

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Speaker 2: you the golden egg on a platter. She said, here's

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Speaker 2: the keys, you go do with the style. Great, we'll

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Speaker 2: do whatever we want.

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Speaker 1: We don't have to stay with her. We're adults.

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Speaker 2: We're gonna spend a day apart from you.

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Speaker 1: If anything, you could rent a car.

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Speaker 2: We were just confused with your messaging of giving us

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Speaker 2: the keys. This is what you say to her later

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Speaker 2: when she's all upset that you were gone all day.

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Speaker 2: Go When you gave us your keys and said go

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Speaker 2: get whatever you want or need, we left.

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Speaker 4: Sorry.

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Speaker 1: The next day she tells sister in law that she

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Speaker 1: is ruining mother in law's vacation and that sister in

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Speaker 1: law should have just stayed home all because she wanted

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Speaker 1: to stay in the cottage and sketch. At this point,

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Speaker 1: we're all miserable. As a bonus, mother in law is

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Speaker 1: also a complete nightmare to every waiter at every restaurant

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Speaker 1: we went to. Every time we say something about our behavior,

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Speaker 1: we get called childish and she starts crying.

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Speaker 3: Wait wait, she goes, you're childish, and then reverse cart

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna start crying.

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Speaker 1: On the drive back to our relative's house, mother in

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Speaker 1: law wants to change the direction we are taking and

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Speaker 1: wants us to figure it out. She's like, I want

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Speaker 1: to do something new.

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Speaker 2: I want you to go Southeast.

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Speaker 1: I have the only phone with service at this point,

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Speaker 1: and it's being used as the GPS, So I snap

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Speaker 1: at her and tell her that I don't want to

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Speaker 1: deal with her indecisiveness. She then scolds me like a child.

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Speaker 1: We arrive and go straight to bed.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I would just say, uh, I assume she's in

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Speaker 2: the back seat. Yeah you go. Oh sorry, passengers the navigator, Actually.

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Speaker 3: You know what you should do.

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Speaker 4: Dang.

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Speaker 3: You should have to got her like a little steering

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Speaker 3: wheel here, mom, Yeah, just have that.

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Speaker 2: It's a silly baby. Mom, it's a silly baby.

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Speaker 5: Mom.

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Speaker 2: Silly baby throws a tantrum. You just wait.

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Speaker 1: We are done being treated like this, and there are

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Speaker 1: still seven days left of the vacation, so we decide

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Speaker 1: that it is time to have a tough conversation with

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Speaker 1: mother in law about her behavior. How do how do

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Speaker 1: we think this will go?

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Speaker 2: You might as well just talk to a brick wall.

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Speaker 1: Why do we think this is going to work at all?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? The solution here is ignored. Is uh, you got

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Speaker 2: to have like the deflector that the Wonder Woman deflectors

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Speaker 2: on your wrists. You just go ping ping, ping, ping, pinging.

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Speaker 1: She does not want to talk. We then tell her

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Speaker 1: that we are leaving if she doesn't talk to us,

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Speaker 1: and she accuses us of extortion. That's not what that is.

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Speaker 1: It is on an emotional level. She's not wrong, Oh

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Speaker 1: they are extorting her, but we're done with her behavior,

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Speaker 1: and she calls us childish, ungrateful, and entitled. She agrees

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Speaker 1: to have the conversation, but does not want to hear

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Speaker 1: anything we have to say and doesn't think she has

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Speaker 1: done anything wrong. At this point, it's very clear that

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Speaker 1: she blames me for everything, is furious and wants to leave.

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Speaker 1: Sister in law is distraught because she doesn't want my

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Speaker 1: partner to cut contact with my mother in law again.

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Speaker 1: I talk everybody down and suggest the partner and I

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Speaker 1: stay on the condition that everyone uses the time to

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Speaker 1: actually talk about all of their issues. Sister in law

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Speaker 1: and partner agree, mother in law does not, and then

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Speaker 1: we go We go home.

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Speaker 2: Now she's like, why do I have to talk about

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Speaker 2: issues that don't exist. I'm not I am a flawless diamond.

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Speaker 1: I don't do anything wrong. Ever, she screams at us

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Speaker 1: and calls me hysterical. We talk a bit with sister

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Speaker 1: in law and decide that partner and I will leave.

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Speaker 1: Mother in law then storms in and demands that I

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Speaker 1: leave the room, and I do.

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Speaker 2: I later, dude, honestly, I'd be like, do you want

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Speaker 2: to try that again?

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Speaker 1: Please?

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Speaker 2: You want to try again? You can get, you can

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Speaker 2: get what you want. Do you want to try again?

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Speaker 1: Just as nicely. Five minutes later, my partner comes out

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Speaker 1: to me in the yard and tells me that mother

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Speaker 1: in law just told them that she has a terminal

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Speaker 1: ill but that she didn't want us to know until now.

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Speaker 1: Apparently we are furious. She has been twisting the truth

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Speaker 1: to match her own version of reality the whole trip,

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Speaker 1: and now this we're done. No, it is now too

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Speaker 1: late to leave, so we go to sleep. The next morning,

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Speaker 1: we pack up and leave before anyone gets up.

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Speaker 2: I love how she had that loaded up, where it's

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Speaker 2: like I have I'll always have my trump chopod. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: terminal illnesses.

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Speaker 1: It's super not effected.

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Speaker 2: She goes, wait, what what do you mean? What do

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Speaker 2: you mean what? You don't care? And I seemed to

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Speaker 2: have clearly used this as a form of leverage.

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Speaker 1: What day we did wake sister in law and say

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Speaker 1: goodbye to her. We then headed for Chicago, and booked

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Speaker 1: hotel for the rest of our stay. We proceeded to

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Speaker 1: have the best day of our entire trip. Yeah, you're

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Speaker 1: in Chicago. It's pretty freaking sick there.

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Speaker 3: They're heading back to Chicago, and now.

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Speaker 1: Here we are two hours before we have to meet

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Speaker 1: mother in law and sister in law at the airport

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Speaker 1: to fly home. Oh and at some point after we left,

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Speaker 1: mother in law blocked me on face book. Oh no,

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Speaker 1: what a sname?

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Speaker 2: What are we gonna do about this? Generations will talk

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Speaker 2: about what you had to do to overcome such a tragedy.

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Speaker 1: Update, But before we get into it, any final thoughts

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Speaker 1: about this? This this creting.

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Speaker 2: Yes, you're treating My final thought. She'll got no illness.

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Speaker 1: I don't believe her.

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Speaker 3: No illness, got mental illness.

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Speaker 2: She's got illness.

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Speaker 1: You got no problem.

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Speaker 2: She got millness, mother in law illness millness.

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Speaker 1: Yes, that's what she's got. And she should stop because

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Speaker 1: she's going a little crazy and I don't like her,

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Speaker 1: and you guys should keep being no contact again, very easy. Update.

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Speaker 1: Partner is no contact yay, and it has been since

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Speaker 1: the trip. He's trying to find out if this is

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Speaker 1: permanent or if low contact could work. I what do

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Speaker 1: you want to bet that in five years time they're

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Speaker 1: gonna forget about this instance and he's gonna be like, well,

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Speaker 1: maybe you could give her another shot, and then they're

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Speaker 1: gonna do the same thing.

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Speaker 2: I mean, you know, maybe people can change, but it

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Speaker 2: doesn't sound like she's gonna be doing any of that.

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Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. I will let that be his decision, but

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Speaker 1: have made my stance very clear, and he fully supports

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Speaker 1: me not having anything to do with her. Mother in

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Speaker 1: law did something weird at baggage claim She very conveniently

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Speaker 1: found partner's suitcase while I was away looking for said suitcase.

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Speaker 1: But nothing else happened and we arrived home safely. Sister

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Speaker 1: in law tells us that mother in law is constantly

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Speaker 1: ranting about us and the trip. No surprise there.

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Speaker 2: Dang stop the presses. Broken record is broken.

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Speaker 1: The woman is a pro at holding grudges. She is

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Speaker 1: still extremely angry about her and father in law's divorce

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Speaker 1: seventeen years ago.

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Speaker 2: He's in the ground. Well it is way know that

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Speaker 2: was your dad.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it is pretty easy to be angry at someone

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Speaker 1: when you've had probably no other relationships since then. Sister

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Speaker 1: in law is working on setting boundaries, but it doesn't

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Speaker 1: sound like it's going very well any final.

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Speaker 2: Font Ye, it's rare to find someone who is both

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Speaker 2: a brick wall and a wrecking ball.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and she's both.

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Speaker 2: She is she's a brick wall that breaks down every

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Speaker 2: boundary that is ever set in front.

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Speaker 1: Of her, unstoppable force and an immovable object.

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Speaker 2: And the same time she's a blueprint of Wow, how

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Speaker 2: did that sad, lonely person end up completely alone and sad?

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Speaker 2: There's the blueprint right there be her me.

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Speaker 1: After talking to father in law about the trip, we

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Speaker 1: find out that this is not the first time she

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Speaker 1: has used a terminal illness scared to get her away,

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Speaker 1: so she's just full lot.

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Speaker 2: She's like, no, they cured it.

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Speaker 1: Actually, thankfully it didn't work then, and it most certainly

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Speaker 1: isn't working now. Yesterday we were told by sister in

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Speaker 1: law that mother in law doesn't have terminal illness anymore.

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Speaker 2: Congratulations. That must have been so scary for you.

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Speaker 1: This must come as a complete shock to everyone who

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Speaker 1: read the first post. If the lie continues, as she claims,

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Speaker 1: it was something else now.

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Speaker 2: It was just my seliac act. Then up.

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Speaker 1: Oops. Sometimes I get that way. I get a little

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Speaker 1: gassy and then I think, oh, terminal illness, It's.

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Speaker 3: The end of the world.

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Speaker 2: And no, it was in terminal. I was just eating gluten.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what, but Sadly's sister in law still

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Speaker 1: believes the lie. She reached out to partner during the

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Speaker 1: holidays with the text that said, my door is open

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Speaker 1: if you want to talk. Thankfully, he does not want

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Speaker 1: to talk, and certainly not after confirmation that the vacation

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Speaker 1: illness was indeed a lie. I know this update isn't

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Speaker 1: nearly as juicy as the original story, but I wanted

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Speaker 1: you guys to know that you were right. I could

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Speaker 1: really use some advice on how I should approach the

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Speaker 1: situation if partner decides to go low contact at some point. Specifically,

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Speaker 1: I had to handle being no contact with mother in law.

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Speaker 1: When your partner is low contact, he is not naive

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Speaker 1: to her behavior. But I can completely understand that cutting

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Speaker 1: your mom out of your life is a really tough

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Speaker 1: decision to make. And that's the end of that story.

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Speaker 1: It's a tough decision, but it is a decision that

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Speaker 1: he should make for his own sanity.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it seems like that's what would inevitably be for

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Speaker 2: the best. And that's the end of this story. Let's

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Speaker 2: head to the next one. My fiance wants to dance

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Speaker 2: to a song at our wedding dedicated to her late fiance.

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Speaker 6: It's because he can't make it or you're already there.

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Speaker 2: So before we met my fiance, Kayla was engaged to

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Speaker 2: a man she had dated for three years who passed

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Speaker 2: away in a traffic accident. I had never dated a

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00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,360
Speaker 2: woman who had that kind of loss before, so I've

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00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:44,120
Speaker 2: been learning as I go, but I've tried to respect

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Speaker 2: that he will always be a part of her story,

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Speaker 2: and I accepted her relationship with her late fiance's parents

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Speaker 2: with open arms. Oh oh, close those arms. By the way,

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Speaker 2: this comes from user Anxious Journalist too. If you want

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Speaker 2: to submit your own stories, go to the Arse Showcase story.

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Speaker 2: I'm Subreddit, I'm Dakota, I'm Riley hen Ui. I he

313
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Speaker 2: didn't give good advice, goofly, But we don't have all

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Speaker 2: the answers. We only know what we know. So let

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Speaker 2: us know what you know in the comments.

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Speaker 6: Okay, especially if you have experienced loss, we want to

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Speaker 6: hear it.

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Speaker 2: And Op says they stayed very close and by the

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Speaker 2: time we started dating, they were basically like a second

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Speaker 2: set of parents to her. Kayla's real parents and her

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00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:27,720
Speaker 2: late fiance's parents are all amazing people, so I consider

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Speaker 2: myself pretty lucky to have two sets of great in laws.

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Speaker 2: Our wedding is coming up in May, and Kyla told

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Speaker 2: me that after her father daughter dance, she would like

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Speaker 2: to have a second dance with her late fiance's father

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Speaker 2: to the song Vanilla Twilight. She asked me if I

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Speaker 2: was comfortable with that, and I didn't want to be

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Speaker 2: that guy and say no, so I said yes, but you.

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Speaker 6: Wanted to say no.

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Speaker 2: So now all of this is your fault. But really

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Speaker 2: it makes me uncomfortable that she would be dancing to

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Speaker 2: a love song dedicated to another man at our wedding.

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Speaker 2: I'm happy to make space in our lives for his memory.

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Speaker 2: A photo of him is on our mantle at home.

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Speaker 2: We make it a point to commemorate his birthday on

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Speaker 2: the anniversary of his passing, and I feel like I

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00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:13,760
Speaker 2: am understanding and supportive when she has bad days. I

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00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:16,120
Speaker 2: am one hundred percent fine with having his parents at

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Speaker 2: the wedding, because, like I said, we're all a family.

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Speaker 2: But I also feel like our wedding is one day

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Speaker 2: that it's all about our relationship. Might being an a

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Speaker 2: hole if I ask her to reconsider this dance. What

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00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:33,680
Speaker 2: are the best compromises here? Ooh we have an update?

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Speaker 6: How old is everyone?

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Speaker 2: I'm thirty?

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Speaker 6: Thank you, I'm twenty eight.

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Speaker 2: I was gonna say, you're not twenty eight. We don't

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Speaker 2: have ages? Oh at all?

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Speaker 6: Dude, we need those. That is some comic.

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Speaker 2: What is the most important?

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Speaker 5: Eight?

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Speaker 7: Like? Why?

353
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Speaker 4: Why?

354
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:49,480
Speaker 2: Is contextually the age is so important?

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Speaker 6: If this guy right now that's talking is like early twenties,

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Speaker 6: it makes sense that it's kind of a hard thing

357
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:58,520
Speaker 6: to come about and be like, oh I can't help

358
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Speaker 6: my wife dedicate self to another man. Then we get married.

359
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:07,040
Speaker 6: What if he's in his thirties? Still hard emotions. But

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00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,919
Speaker 6: you have experienced more life than others.

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Speaker 2: Everyone's a little a little out of out of whack here.

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Speaker 2: I agree, everyone's a little like it's just a little crazy.

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Speaker 6: Maybe not the brine.

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00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:20,479
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a little crazy.

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Speaker 6: I think.

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Speaker 3: So.

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Speaker 2: I think having something there to like, whether it's like

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00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:27,640
Speaker 2: an empty chair, you know, that's a that's a good

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Speaker 2: one people do for like relatives and stuff or you know,

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00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:34,119
Speaker 2: but Uh, it's like to have a whole song and

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Speaker 2: like a dance. I don't know if they're gonna dance,

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00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:38,000
Speaker 2: but just like to commemorate a song is like just

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00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:42,200
Speaker 2: a weird moment because it's like, well, you can't he's

374
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:44,800
Speaker 2: gone and this is your wet You're not your wedding

375
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:48,040
Speaker 2: to your next partner. Two months ago, I married the

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Speaker 2: love of my life. I was thinking about this thread

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00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:52,640
Speaker 2: the other day, how it went and where my head

378
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:54,320
Speaker 2: was at when I made it, and I thought you

379
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:58,359
Speaker 2: guys might like an update a little anti climactically. The

380
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Speaker 2: thing I was dressing about was a bit of a miscommunication,

381
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Speaker 2: which probably happens a lot here. Kayla wanted to dance

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Speaker 2: with her late fiance's father at our wedding. Luke and

383
00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:12,800
Speaker 2: Vanilla Twilight was an example of a song along the

384
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Speaker 2: lines of what she wanted, not the set in stone

385
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,720
Speaker 2: top choice like I had thought. I and a lot

386
00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:21,720
Speaker 2: of commenters in the original thread spend a lot of

387
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:24,480
Speaker 2: time over analyzing the lyrics to that song, looking for

388
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,000
Speaker 2: hidden meaning in every word. While it turns out she

389
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:30,200
Speaker 2: hadn't put much more thought into the suggestion. Then this

390
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:34,520
Speaker 2: is the kind of like sad song that I would like, Oh, yeah,

391
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:35,919
Speaker 2: that is.

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Speaker 6: Overthinking I was.

393
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Speaker 2: I was thinking she wanted to dance with you to

394
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Speaker 2: this song. That's why. That was also why I was like,

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Speaker 2: I don't know, that's just a weird I can't do

396
00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:50,879
Speaker 2: a dance with you to commemorate your passed away ex fiance. Like,

397
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,200
Speaker 2: in my head, that's like a you're pretending I'm him.

398
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Speaker 6: I thought it was like a father daughter type of

399
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Speaker 6: dance thing.

400
00:18:57,359 --> 00:19:00,159
Speaker 2: Hey, it is, it is in my head, I was.

401
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,639
Speaker 2: I was analyzing it as like she once, I was like,

402
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:06,880
Speaker 2: we're in a yeah, we're in an interesting situation here.

403
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,960
Speaker 2: We got together that night and she had made several

404
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:13,480
Speaker 2: playlists of possible first dance songs for us, songs for

405
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,719
Speaker 2: when she walks down the aisle, music to play at

406
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:18,640
Speaker 2: the reception, and song choices for her dance with Luke's father.

407
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,040
Speaker 2: We spent hours listening to them all and talking about

408
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:25,280
Speaker 2: the wedding. We even made a tournament style bracket for

409
00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:28,760
Speaker 2: our first dance song in her journal and put songs

410
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:32,240
Speaker 2: head to head against each other until the victor emerged,

411
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,359
Speaker 2: and in the end, we talked about the wedding and

412
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:39,159
Speaker 2: our relationship Luke in their relationship and grief, what it

413
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,320
Speaker 2: was like when she lost him, and what it was

414
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,600
Speaker 2: like for me when I lost my mom at a

415
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,320
Speaker 2: young age, what a family is, and all the things

416
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:49,280
Speaker 2: were hopeful for for the future. We stayed up until

417
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:51,679
Speaker 2: three in the morning, just talking and planning and laughing

418
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,479
Speaker 2: and crying a little, and I'm so glad for it,

419
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:58,520
Speaker 2: after getting bombarded by dozens of different opinions from dozens

420
00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:01,679
Speaker 2: of different people. Earlier that day, I had been worried

421
00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:03,560
Speaker 2: that I was going to have a conflict with my

422
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:07,399
Speaker 2: fiance shortly before our wedding, but there was no conflict,

423
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:11,480
Speaker 2: just a pure memory. After that night, I started putting

424
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,719
Speaker 2: in more effort to be involved with the wedding planning

425
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:16,760
Speaker 2: process and to actually ask for the things I wanted,

426
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:21,240
Speaker 2: which Kayla actually really appreciated. We also took a long

427
00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:24,240
Speaker 2: weekend a couple of weeks before the wedding to go

428
00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:26,960
Speaker 2: on a camping trip together for just the two of us,

429
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:30,880
Speaker 2: which I highly recommend to anyone who is getting married. Overall,

430
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,600
Speaker 2: there was a complete flip in my feelings leading up

431
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:37,360
Speaker 2: to the wedding from being somewhat insecure and excited but nervous,

432
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:41,560
Speaker 2: to being completely at ease, excited, and feeling stronger about

433
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,159
Speaker 2: my relationship than ever.

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Speaker 6: Yes, stress out your fiances, good things will happen.

435
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:49,600
Speaker 2: It's going very well. You're gonna get married and have

436
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:50,960
Speaker 2: one hundred babies and live forever.

437
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:54,080
Speaker 6: So you're about to get married, Dakota in this situation

438
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:56,959
Speaker 6: I'm talking about right now, what is the one question

439
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,480
Speaker 6: you're gonna ask your fiance who's currently your girlfriend in

440
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:01,920
Speaker 6: the scenario right now, to stress her out so you

441
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:02,680
Speaker 6: make a breakthrough.

442
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:05,080
Speaker 2: I don't want to spend more than five hundred dollars

443
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:06,800
Speaker 2: on the whole thing.

444
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,560
Speaker 6: Oh god, they're gonna just say flowers.

445
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:14,560
Speaker 2: So secretly we plan a really rinky dinky, five hund

446
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:18,280
Speaker 2: oh wedding, and then I plan a much more lavish

447
00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:20,679
Speaker 2: and extravagant three thousand dollars wedding.

448
00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:24,800
Speaker 6: See what you did there? Yeah, her her expectations yours

449
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:25,560
Speaker 6: meet here.

450
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. So it's like normally be like three thousand,

451
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:31,080
Speaker 2: Like that seems like really low for a wedding, but

452
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,840
Speaker 2: it's like if I already primed her with five hundred,

453
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,840
Speaker 2: she's gonna be like, oh my gosh, this is six

454
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:39,359
Speaker 2: times more than I thought we were gonna have this crazy.

455
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:44,320
Speaker 2: She's like, this is six this is six times better

456
00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:48,760
Speaker 2: than I thought it would be. Wow, Oh my god. Yes,

457
00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:51,040
Speaker 2: I love that. That's how you do it, and that's

458
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:52,720
Speaker 2: how you lie to your partner and make everything in

459
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,920
Speaker 2: your life better. The wedding day itself was really wonderful

460
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,880
Speaker 2: and worth the weight. Kayla and Luke's father had their

461
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:02,159
Speaker 2: dance to lean on me, and I also had a

462
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:05,159
Speaker 2: dance with Kayla's mom and it was very emotional in

463
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:08,000
Speaker 2: a good way. I really felt that the day was

464
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:11,000
Speaker 2: a celebration of our love, and I was genuinely happy

465
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,520
Speaker 2: that Luke's parents were there to celebrate along with us,

466
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 2: because they are very much members of our family, and

467
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:19,040
Speaker 2: I wish I had the space to describe all the

468
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:21,920
Speaker 2: ways they've been there for us through the years. My

469
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,600
Speaker 2: amazing wife is who she is because of all the

470
00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:27,560
Speaker 2: experiences that she's had in her life, and I don't

471
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,520
Speaker 2: want to be the kind of man who asks her

472
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:32,159
Speaker 2: to pretend that she has never loved before me, or

473
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:35,040
Speaker 2: pretend that her grief is something that is or should

474
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:38,320
Speaker 2: be done with forever now that she has me. I

475
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,080
Speaker 2: just want to say how glad I am that we

476
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:43,560
Speaker 2: shared that night together and that the wedding was nothing

477
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:47,480
Speaker 2: but love and celebration. I never thought I could be

478
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:51,320
Speaker 2: so happy. And that's the end of that story. Wow,

479
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:56,320
Speaker 2: we've got a that was a wonderful, happy ending. And

480
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,520
Speaker 2: that's the end of this story. Let's head to the

481
00:22:58,520 --> 00:22:58,960
Speaker 2: next one.

482
00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:02,320
Speaker 6: I didn't want one person at my wedding, but they

483
00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:05,639
Speaker 6: already assumed they were coming, and.

484
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:09,000
Speaker 2: That means you're illegally obligated to have them there.

485
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:12,480
Speaker 6: My fiance and I are getting married soon and her

486
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:16,000
Speaker 6: sister is her bride'smaid. However, sister in law won't come

487
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:20,080
Speaker 6: to the wedding if her boyfriend, Nick isn't invited or welcomed.

488
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:23,639
Speaker 6: I don't know Nick very well, but what I heard

489
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:26,400
Speaker 6: and know about him, I'm not very keen on having

490
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 6: him in our wedding. By the way, this comes from

491
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:31,679
Speaker 6: j d X two and funerals. To me own stories,

492
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:35,560
Speaker 6: you know where to go. My name is Riley, I'm Dakota,

493
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,960
Speaker 6: and I'm Vincent, and we're here to read stories. Goofuy,

494
00:23:39,359 --> 00:23:41,400
Speaker 6: and you're here to come at your own experiences down

495
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:45,280
Speaker 6: below and thoughts. Opie says, when we announced that we

496
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:49,920
Speaker 6: were getting married, and before we invited anyone, Nick invited himself.

497
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:54,439
Speaker 6: That rubbed me already the wrong way. Nixt reason was

498
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:57,000
Speaker 6: that he hasn't been to a lot of weddings yet.

499
00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:00,840
Speaker 6: Context my wedding will be the first wedding ill attant,

500
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,720
Speaker 6: so his reason is not that strong, of my opinion,

501
00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:06,800
Speaker 6: he already tried to come unannounced to our home when

502
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:09,359
Speaker 6: my sister in law was staying there for an internship

503
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 6: she had, and expected us to be fine with it.

504
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:17,840
Speaker 6: In hindsight, I shouldn't be that surprised that he invited himself. Furthermore,

505
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,560
Speaker 6: my in laws don't want him to be left at home.

506
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:24,080
Speaker 6: Their home is also where he lives because they don't

507
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:27,040
Speaker 6: trust him to be left alone there. So when Nick

508
00:24:27,119 --> 00:24:29,520
Speaker 6: comes to my house, I'll have to keep an eye out,

509
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,360
Speaker 6: which will probably cause more stress.

510
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:33,240
Speaker 4: On that day.

511
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,320
Speaker 6: Has anyone talked to the sister in law about her boyfriend?

512
00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:39,919
Speaker 2: I mean, is there can we maybe, like can we

513
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:42,399
Speaker 2: set like a trap for this guy? You know, like

514
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,920
Speaker 2: a little trail of bread crumb's handle and Gretel style

515
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,200
Speaker 2: which just like kind of leads him somewhere else?

516
00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:50,720
Speaker 6: Okay, Okay, hear me out. I like this train of thought. Nick,

517
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:53,720
Speaker 6: we ran out of batteries Can you go to the

518
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:54,920
Speaker 6: nearest store and get.

519
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:57,400
Speaker 2: Some Yeah, oh, what kind of batteries?

520
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,320
Speaker 6: I don't worry about it, Just grab some batteries.

521
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,960
Speaker 2: Oh any batteries.

522
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:04,119
Speaker 6: A hen your car go?

523
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:12,000
Speaker 2: I get in my car? Won't Oh no car accident

524
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:13,680
Speaker 2: orchestrated Batman style?

525
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:13,919
Speaker 4: No?

526
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 6: No, no pop?

527
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:18,800
Speaker 2: Oh tire blown out? Tire blown out?

528
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:22,600
Speaker 6: There we go for my fiance. Family is really important,

529
00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:25,920
Speaker 6: and that's why I'm torn on this question. I know

530
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:28,399
Speaker 6: that it's my wedding too, but my fiance will be

531
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:32,640
Speaker 6: heartbroken if her sister isn't there because Nick isn't invited.

532
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:34,879
Speaker 6: So would I be the A hole if I didn't

533
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 6: invite him, resulting in my sister in law not being

534
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:43,520
Speaker 6: there and therefore ruining my fiance's happiness. Verdict, He's the

535
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 6: A hole, guys, real quick? A hole or not the

536
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:46,480
Speaker 6: A hole?

537
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:52,359
Speaker 2: I mean, this guy just sounds like mildly annoying, Like, yeah,

538
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:55,560
Speaker 2: you should totally just deal with this guy's presence. It's

539
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,280
Speaker 2: not like you have to like just be right next

540
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 2: to him and entertain him alone the entire time.

541
00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:05,359
Speaker 6: I agreed. And Plus, at weddings, even if you're an introvit,

542
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:08,720
Speaker 6: you invite people that's just how it goes. How long

543
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:10,640
Speaker 6: have they been dating, viminating for three months? You can

544
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:12,800
Speaker 6: maybe say you can't come, but if he's already living there.

545
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:17,119
Speaker 2: There is more like egregious reasons why you why he

546
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:21,359
Speaker 2: shouldn't be there. I'd be like, yeah, go ahead, don't

547
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:24,439
Speaker 2: don't invite him, but it's gonna create more trouble than

548
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:28,280
Speaker 2: it's worth. You're gonna end up with bigger headaches if

549
00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:30,080
Speaker 2: you don't invite him, then you would if you just

550
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:32,480
Speaker 2: deal with the headache of him being there for one day,

551
00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:33,480
Speaker 2: that's it.

552
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:37,360
Speaker 6: Some people ask for a little bit more information why

553
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:39,720
Speaker 6: don't want him to be there and what my fiance

554
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:42,240
Speaker 6: is thinking of him. My fiance is on the same

555
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:45,399
Speaker 6: page as me if we're talking about Nick. She also

556
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:48,320
Speaker 6: find it quite impoliite that he just invited himself before

557
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:52,439
Speaker 6: we sent out the invitations. Still haven't sent them. We

558
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:56,119
Speaker 6: did talk about not inviting him. However, her dislike of

559
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 6: him is less than her love for her sister and

560
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:02,919
Speaker 6: one him to be there. If that means that sister

561
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:06,200
Speaker 6: is there, I still haven't made a choice in this matter.

562
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:09,359
Speaker 6: That's why I made this post. We're still thinking about

563
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:12,760
Speaker 6: having no plus ones because of restrictions, so he'll be

564
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,879
Speaker 6: the exception in that case. Yes, he does live with

565
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:20,040
Speaker 6: my in laws. However, he never asked and they never agreed.

566
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:24,320
Speaker 2: So he just kind of like refused to leave.

567
00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 8: I'm starting to get it now. He's an infestation. He's

568
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 8: not a guest.

569
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:32,280
Speaker 2: He's parasitic in nature.

570
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:36,760
Speaker 6: He just slept there one night and never left. It's

571
00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:39,320
Speaker 6: also controlling, like my sister in law has to go

572
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:42,639
Speaker 6: where he's going and the other way around, and you

573
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:46,919
Speaker 6: cannot wear spicy cloth her words. I think he doesn't

574
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:49,159
Speaker 6: trust her to go to a wedding a loan. My

575
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,159
Speaker 6: biggest reason for him not to be there is that

576
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:54,359
Speaker 6: he took stuff from my in laws, and when confronted,

577
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:56,320
Speaker 6: he didn't make a big deal out of it.

578
00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:57,480
Speaker 2: Update.

579
00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:01,440
Speaker 6: Although my post dinner was reve that much attention, dude,

580
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,639
Speaker 6: shut up, we get all the time, all of this

581
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:06,800
Speaker 6: post blew up. Oh all these great things happened, Just

582
00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:09,719
Speaker 6: say what's happening. I wanted to make a proper update

583
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:12,280
Speaker 6: to close it after we got married, and to reply

584
00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:15,040
Speaker 6: to the people that took time to comment on my post.

585
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:17,400
Speaker 6: After I came home that evening, I showed the post

586
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:19,959
Speaker 6: my then fiance as we both had a laugh at

587
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 6: how awful I was in the post. She told me

588
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:25,920
Speaker 6: that I need to work on relying information better. That

589
00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:28,440
Speaker 6: was a big mistake on my part to not better

590
00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:32,080
Speaker 6: describe the problem in my post. She also told me

591
00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:35,080
Speaker 6: that she also doesn't want him at the wedding and

592
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 6: that we're on the same page. However, she said that

593
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:40,880
Speaker 6: she wanted her sister to be there more than she

594
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:42,320
Speaker 6: didn't want Nick to be there.

595
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:46,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the math. That's the math problem On that one.

596
00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 6: I said that I accepted the judgments as people pointed

597
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:53,160
Speaker 6: out that Nick would probably dig his own grave and

598
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:56,200
Speaker 6: that it would cause more drama to non invite him.

599
00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:59,600
Speaker 6: I wanted my sister in law there more too, so

600
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:02,840
Speaker 6: we put him on the guest list, and once the

601
00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:05,880
Speaker 6: invites were ready to send out, we sent one to him.

602
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:08,520
Speaker 6: We got confirmation from sister in law that both of

603
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:10,960
Speaker 6: them were going to be there. We made plans with

604
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:14,480
Speaker 6: him in it and proceeded as usual. But there's the

605
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:19,160
Speaker 6: good part. What good part of the story is there?

606
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:23,720
Speaker 2: The good part is that the marriage happened. The good

607
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:27,800
Speaker 2: part is we're doing the marriage. The marriage is marriaging.

608
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:30,080
Speaker 6: What do you think Vincent, what's the good part of

609
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:30,600
Speaker 6: this story?

610
00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:33,959
Speaker 8: That yeah, that they're continuing to just not let it

611
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:38,920
Speaker 8: destroy their day. I guess I let them have They're

612
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:40,920
Speaker 8: still they're not laying affect them too much.

613
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:44,560
Speaker 6: But here's the good part. Two days before the wedding,

614
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 6: my in laws arrived from France, but Nick wasn't there

615
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:52,520
Speaker 6: with him, Well, where would he be? They told us

616
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 6: he didn't want to get vaccinated and he didn't want

617
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:57,880
Speaker 6: to get tested before they were going. You need to

618
00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:00,880
Speaker 6: show a negative test or proof of vaccination before entering

619
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:03,720
Speaker 6: to the Netherlands. We told them two much in advance,

620
00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:09,040
Speaker 6: and they either were vaccinated or tested, but Nick didn't

621
00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:12,600
Speaker 6: want to. We looked at each other and asked ourselves

622
00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:15,480
Speaker 6: if we should be pissed because we had everything planned,

623
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:18,520
Speaker 6: or happy that he wasn't there. In the end, we

624
00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:21,120
Speaker 6: could give a crap because we were too tired at

625
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:24,040
Speaker 6: that point. We had a lovely sunny day with the

626
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:27,680
Speaker 6: people we loved, including sister in law. Holy kay, he

627
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:29,920
Speaker 6: did his own grave. Holy cow.

628
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:33,440
Speaker 2: Wow. Now he's gonna stay behind, He's gonna steal all

629
00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:36,800
Speaker 2: this stuff out of that house, and he's going to disappear.

630
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 2: That was the long con he was waiting. He's waiting

631
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:42,160
Speaker 2: for a large family get together in which he would

632
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:46,680
Speaker 2: stay behind due to travel restrictions, and he's gonna empty

633
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:51,880
Speaker 2: out the entire house and sell it onst Did they

634
00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:53,960
Speaker 2: have that in Europe? They have European Craigslist.

635
00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 6: I think they were in America and they had.

636
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:59,160
Speaker 2: To travel for a Denmark. I just assumed that the

637
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:02,080
Speaker 2: nether one, I mean France, I mean nether I mean

638
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:06,440
Speaker 2: the nether What what? And then Lens is its own place?

639
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:07,720
Speaker 6: I know? But he said France.

640
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:12,760
Speaker 2: Is he in France? It said, France, Netherlands, France. It said,

641
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:16,320
Speaker 2: maybe it could be like a oh, Netherlands and fence.

642
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:17,640
Speaker 6: Here we go, Here we go, here we go. My

643
00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:23,920
Speaker 6: in laws arrived from France, other French. All right, Well

644
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:25,360
Speaker 6: that's the end of that story, folks.

645
00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:29,280
Speaker 2: My fiance wanted to add people to our wedding, but

646
00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:30,520
Speaker 2: the guest list is full.

647
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:32,680
Speaker 6: Too bad, so sad.

648
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 2: Last night, my twenty seven female fiance twenty nine Mail

649
00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:40,280
Speaker 2: had a nightmare that woke him up. What it was

650
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:45,600
Speaker 2: about is irrelevant, boo, why did you exclude this? So

651
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:48,120
Speaker 2: we were up talking at five am. All of a

652
00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:50,800
Speaker 2: sudden he tells me that his dad started speaking to

653
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:56,160
Speaker 2: his brother fiance's uncle again, but that now we had

654
00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:58,640
Speaker 2: to invite them to our wedding. By the way, this

655
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:02,360
Speaker 2: comes from users throw away six three underscore. If you

656
00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:04,280
Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, whenn't you just go

657
00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 2: to the r slash show gay Storytime subreddit.

658
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 6: I'm Dakota, I'm freaking Riley, and I'm freaking vinced.

659
00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:13,160
Speaker 2: And we're gonna freaking read this story and give good

660
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:15,640
Speaker 2: advice on it. Maybe be a little goofy about it

661
00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 2: because we're not the pros. I don't even know who

662
00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:23,360
Speaker 2: the pros would be. Maybe doctor Phil, but you don't

663
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:25,720
Speaker 2: get him today. You get us, which is great because

664
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:27,640
Speaker 2: we're better than that. And also you can tell us

665
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,239
Speaker 2: what you think in the comments. Okay, tell us how

666
00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:33,040
Speaker 2: much better or worse we are than doctor Phil. And

667
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:36,800
Speaker 2: Op says, we're on a tight budget, so tight it's

668
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:39,680
Speaker 2: unheard of in our area so far, we think we

669
00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:41,400
Speaker 2: can pull it off, but we need to keep our

670
00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 2: guest list under fifty people, so we're considering a micro wedding. Yes,

671
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:48,760
Speaker 2: fifty people is a micro wedding.

672
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:52,120
Speaker 8: I was gonna say, I've heard a smaller sounds like

673
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:52,760
Speaker 8: a lot of people.

674
00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:55,560
Speaker 2: I can imagine imagining fifty people in a room right now,

675
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:56,560
Speaker 2: there's a lot of people.

676
00:32:56,720 --> 00:32:58,200
Speaker 4: Hey, fifty is actually pretty big.

677
00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 2: I've had to cut a lot of people from my

678
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:03,920
Speaker 2: side who we both love and really want there. But

679
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,160
Speaker 2: it's the price to pay if we want a wedding

680
00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:10,200
Speaker 2: and to not just elope. So I accepted it. His

681
00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 2: sister has absolutely tortured me the entire ten years we've

682
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:17,000
Speaker 2: been dating. It makes me sick to my stomach to

683
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:19,240
Speaker 2: be in the same room as her. But he said

684
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:22,440
Speaker 2: she's family, she has to be there. So I gave

685
00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:26,000
Speaker 2: in and reluctantly said fine. Because of how she treats me,

686
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:29,520
Speaker 2: they're definitely not close anymore. But he says she's still

687
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:34,360
Speaker 2: my sister. We're at our fifty person limit. We can't

688
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:36,920
Speaker 2: invite more people. So I told him it's a hard

689
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:40,000
Speaker 2: no to his aunt and uncle and cousin coming. Besides,

690
00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:42,440
Speaker 2: his aunt is just as bad as his sister. She

691
00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:43,959
Speaker 2: doesn't even want us together.

692
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:48,080
Speaker 6: Yeah, don't invite them. The rule for inviting people to

693
00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:50,200
Speaker 6: the wedding is will they bring joy when they're here?

694
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:54,520
Speaker 2: If? Yeah, exactly, if you're If you're not happy that

695
00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:59,720
Speaker 2: we're getting married, you're not gonna be there exactly. I

696
00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:02,640
Speaker 2: don't I want two people who make me uncomfortable there.

697
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:06,120
Speaker 2: This aunt, uncle, and cousin did not congratulate us on

698
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:08,520
Speaker 2: our engagement, nor have they ever reached out to my

699
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:12,439
Speaker 2: fiance to say hello, happy birthday, ask to see him,

700
00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:14,960
Speaker 2: or ask how he is, et cetera, et cetera. There

701
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:17,200
Speaker 2: was no fight between the uncle and his family and

702
00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:20,680
Speaker 2: my fiance's family. They just grew apart over the years.

703
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,839
Speaker 2: So here's why I think I'm not the a hole.

704
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:28,319
Speaker 2: I've already compromised twice. I cut so many relatives who

705
00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:31,120
Speaker 2: mean the world to me and who I can't imagine

706
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:34,839
Speaker 2: getting married without them being there. And I compromised by

707
00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 2: agreeing that his sister could come. Also, I had to

708
00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:41,680
Speaker 2: knock two additional people off so there was a spot

709
00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 2: for his sister and her boyfriend. So I feel like

710
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:47,120
Speaker 2: I've done my share of compromising and losing out in

711
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:50,760
Speaker 2: the guest list department. In addition to my personal feelings,

712
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:52,799
Speaker 2: we have a strict limit from the venue that keeps

713
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:55,560
Speaker 2: us under fifty people. If we go above that, we're

714
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:59,879
Speaker 2: considered a regular sized wedding, which adds thousands and fee

715
00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:03,279
Speaker 2: that would put us too far over budget. This is

716
00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:05,319
Speaker 2: the cheapest venue in our area and they all have

717
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:08,719
Speaker 2: similar rules, so switching isn't an option. I think I

718
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:11,360
Speaker 2: might be the a hole because it is his family.

719
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:14,400
Speaker 2: Maybe I should care less about my own feelings and

720
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:17,200
Speaker 2: cut something else, which would have to be the DJ

721
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:20,560
Speaker 2: or photographer so we can afford to invite them. He

722
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:23,160
Speaker 2: was mad enough that he rolled away from me we

723
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:25,480
Speaker 2: were cuddling and didn't talk to me the rest of

724
00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:28,319
Speaker 2: the night technically morning, and he didn't wake me up

725
00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:30,879
Speaker 2: to kiss me goodbye in the morning. I asked him

726
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:33,759
Speaker 2: to do that. He's not being weener by waking me up.

727
00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:37,000
Speaker 2: That's not a typical reaction from him. So I could

728
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:40,480
Speaker 2: tell he was hurt, and that's an update. He was

729
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 2: hurt that his estranged aunt, uncle, and cousin can't come

730
00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:44,760
Speaker 2: to the wedding.

731
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:50,840
Speaker 6: Well, it's a sensitive subject. I would see this small

732
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:54,960
Speaker 6: mini red flags in your relationship. Probably have more attention. Oh,

733
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:56,160
Speaker 6: so are you doing marriage counseling?

734
00:35:56,800 --> 00:36:01,480
Speaker 2: Sounds like you could probably use some cause this feels

735
00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:05,920
Speaker 2: like strange behavior. He's acting like a Oh, well, you're

736
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:07,799
Speaker 2: not gonna give me exactly what I want, then I

737
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:11,080
Speaker 2: will withhold physical attention and defection from you.

738
00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:14,240
Speaker 6: And guess what's gonna happen. Oh, when you guys get married,

739
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 6: it's gonna happening.

740
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:19,600
Speaker 2: In He's probably gonna keep pulling that crap, and I

741
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:22,319
Speaker 2: hate it. I mean, just me personally one thing that

742
00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:25,360
Speaker 2: will if you genuinely pull a silent treatment on me

743
00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:28,640
Speaker 2: for like a full like couple of days, I'll get

744
00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:33,880
Speaker 2: it's over. But we've gotten update. Some people thought we

745
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:36,239
Speaker 2: should break up over this, or that we shouldn't have

746
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 2: gotten engaged in the first place. Fyonce does protect me

747
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:41,759
Speaker 2: from his sister and aunt and anything else in life.

748
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:46,480
Speaker 2: I need protecting from like yourself, So he tells you

749
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:48,760
Speaker 2: what to do and how to do it. We've steered

750
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:51,520
Speaker 2: Clearvan as much as possible, and he always defended me

751
00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:54,960
Speaker 2: if we couldn't avoid her. Maybe torture was too strong

752
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:58,160
Speaker 2: of a word, but I was upset. She tells him

753
00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:00,520
Speaker 2: to break up with me for being ugly and not

754
00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:09,800
Speaker 2: having big enough chesticles. What dude, dude, Yes, the orbs

755
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:14,239
Speaker 2: on my sternum are too tiny. She told me if

756
00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 2: I loved him, i'd leave. He was a big shot

757
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:19,719
Speaker 2: football player in high school and I was the nerd

758
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:22,759
Speaker 2: who ate lunch alone. We were classmates and for some

759
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:25,120
Speaker 2: reason his aunt didn't want to see us together, and

760
00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:27,920
Speaker 2: apparently some of them are still stuck in high school.

761
00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:30,839
Speaker 2: Having his sister in and out of my life has

762
00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:34,680
Speaker 2: been my decision. She's mentally ill, and before her latest

763
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:38,839
Speaker 2: or biggest decline, we were extremely close. I love her

764
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:42,080
Speaker 2: more than anything and miss her so bad it hurts.

765
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:44,600
Speaker 2: I want her to get help and get better so

766
00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:46,560
Speaker 2: she can be a part of my life again. I

767
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:50,080
Speaker 2: struggle with keeping her away worse than he does. Sometimes

768
00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:53,040
Speaker 2: he never let her do anything or forced me to

769
00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:57,279
Speaker 2: do anything. I'll admit fiance wasn't always perfect about boundaries

770
00:37:57,320 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 2: and such, but that was in the beginning of our relationship,

771
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:03,600
Speaker 2: but when we were both literally children. We've grown since then.

772
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:07,160
Speaker 2: As I mentioned, he had a really bad nightmare, and

773
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:09,440
Speaker 2: this conversation took place at five am, when he woke

774
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:12,439
Speaker 2: up literally crying from it, and he is very much

775
00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:17,000
Speaker 2: not a crier. The nightmare was about his father passing away.

776
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:20,000
Speaker 2: We already lost my mother in law not too long ago,

777
00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:22,680
Speaker 2: and the thought of losing his dad too terrified him.

778
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:26,280
Speaker 2: The comment about his aunt and uncle was one sentence.

779
00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:28,600
Speaker 2: He blurted out in the middle of all that. He

780
00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:30,880
Speaker 2: talked about it the next evening when he got home

781
00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:31,480
Speaker 2: from work.

782
00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:35,120
Speaker 6: Okay, so the silent treatment is over. It lasted probably

783
00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:36,440
Speaker 6: a span of twelve hours.

784
00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:40,560
Speaker 2: Don't silent treatment the people you care about. And also okay, yeah,

785
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:42,640
Speaker 2: makes sense that he was so insistent because he woke

786
00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:46,160
Speaker 2: up and he was like, I just buried my dad

787
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:48,440
Speaker 2: in my dream. We have to invite everyone else. We

788
00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:50,879
Speaker 2: have to invite my anya uncle. We have to do it.

789
00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:53,200
Speaker 6: What happens, what happens.

790
00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:56,200
Speaker 2: Papa, Papa, papasses.

791
00:38:56,880 --> 00:39:02,640
Speaker 6: I'm sorry, I don't I hope, don't invite the ant Come.

792
00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:05,960
Speaker 2: On, at this point, I think you guys should just

793
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:10,880
Speaker 2: find a little, secret, secret place. Go spelunking. Find a

794
00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:14,640
Speaker 2: nice cave that has good sonics in it. You know

795
00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:18,440
Speaker 2: it sounds nice, nice and echoey, nice and reverbi. You know,

796
00:39:19,280 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 2: go do your go get eloped in a cave. You

797
00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:25,440
Speaker 2: know that's a very special thing. And then now you're

798
00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:29,239
Speaker 2: already married, do whatever you want. It's as simple as that.

799
00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:34,160
Speaker 6: And the cave's called Devil's trap, and no one survives.

800
00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:36,759
Speaker 6: Can't get out of it. Go in, can't get out.

801
00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:40,160
Speaker 2: The Devil's never met me before Buddy.

802
00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:42,640
Speaker 6: Cave Diggers, Why do you do it? It's optional?

803
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:45,680
Speaker 2: He brought it up to me first, actually, and said,

804
00:39:45,719 --> 00:39:47,719
Speaker 2: please forget what I said last night. It would be

805
00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:51,040
Speaker 2: really stupid to invite those three. I was just having

806
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:54,680
Speaker 2: a moment. I said okay, and reminded him that his

807
00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:57,399
Speaker 2: dad is okay and asked if he wanted to plan

808
00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:00,520
Speaker 2: a day trip to go visit. He said yes, and

809
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:03,000
Speaker 2: we went the next day and had a great time.

810
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:03,799
Speaker 4: Oh.

811
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:06,120
Speaker 2: I also asked him why he would roll over and

812
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:08,800
Speaker 2: ignore me, and he said his intention was to keep talking,

813
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:12,200
Speaker 2: but he genuinely just fell back asleep, which I believe

814
00:40:12,239 --> 00:40:15,800
Speaker 2: because he was literally snoring moments later. I also double

815
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:18,680
Speaker 2: checked with him that we both agreed the guest list

816
00:40:18,719 --> 00:40:22,359
Speaker 2: was even and we do both feel that way. Some

817
00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:25,080
Speaker 2: friends are mutual and don't belong on one side or

818
00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:28,200
Speaker 2: the other, but are definitely a both sides thing. Everyone

819
00:40:28,239 --> 00:40:30,400
Speaker 2: also said we should have a rule that if we

820
00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:32,480
Speaker 2: want to add someone, we need to take away someone

821
00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:35,680
Speaker 2: who's on our side, and we both agreed to that.

822
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:39,520
Speaker 2: We're happy and talked it out. No toxicity or red

823
00:40:39,520 --> 00:40:44,520
Speaker 2: flags here, and that is the end of that story.

824
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:47,439
Speaker 6: Like you handled it, well, if you like the way

825
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:50,960
Speaker 6: this resulted, then you maybe get together forever. This is

826
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:52,080
Speaker 6: how you guys will work it out.

827
00:40:52,000 --> 00:41:00,279
Speaker 2: Forever together forever. We're together forever. Yay, that was all right,

828
00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:03,640
Speaker 2: and that's the end of this story. Let's head to

829
00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:07,839
Speaker 2: the next one. Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite goofball host here,

830
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:09,919
Speaker 2: and we're gonna get back to the stories. But here's

831
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:12,239
Speaker 2: three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

832
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:15,480
Speaker 6: My boyfriend had a strange new habits and I gave

833
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:16,440
Speaker 6: him an ultimatum.

834
00:41:16,600 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 2: I bet you it's not even that weird.

835
00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:23,080
Speaker 6: Fine, twenty three female have been dating my boyfriend Jake,

836
00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:26,440
Speaker 6: twenty four male for four years. I say we're a

837
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:31,040
Speaker 6: happy couple overall, but lately this argument has come up

838
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:38,200
Speaker 6: that has divided us. He's always had unique tastes cereal

839
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:44,680
Speaker 6: with orange juice instead of milk, Mayo and butter sandwiches

840
00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:49,960
Speaker 6: and raw onions have been the worst culprits I've put

841
00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:53,080
Speaker 6: up with these and we all have our quirks. By

842
00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:56,480
Speaker 6: the way, this comes from Garlic throwaway from the r

843
00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:59,560
Speaker 6: Slish Okay stories. I'm subbred It, I'm Riley, I'm Dakota

844
00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:02,840
Speaker 6: and Vincent and where he'd read crazy goofy stories and

845
00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:06,080
Speaker 6: react to them, and you're here to comment what you want. Hope,

846
00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:09,440
Speaker 6: he says. Well, two weeks ago, he started eating garlic

847
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:13,920
Speaker 6: as his midnight snack, raw clothes of garlic.

848
00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:17,480
Speaker 8: I've heard this in like the bodybuilding community. Is this

849
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:18,960
Speaker 8: is this guy a bodybuilder?

850
00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:22,040
Speaker 6: I can't share a drink with him without it wreaking

851
00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:25,960
Speaker 6: of garlic somehow and kissing him. It's like shoving a

852
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:29,600
Speaker 6: close straight in your mouth. He swears he's only eating

853
00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:32,480
Speaker 6: them because he didn't want them to go to waste,

854
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:35,719
Speaker 6: and that he would stop once he finished the head

855
00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:39,640
Speaker 6: of garlic. But just when I finally thought it was over,

856
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:42,400
Speaker 6: I caught him sneaking a second one into the kitchen

857
00:42:42,480 --> 00:42:45,239
Speaker 6: last night when he thought I was asleep.

858
00:42:45,719 --> 00:42:48,880
Speaker 2: I gotta say, saying you're just doing it just because

859
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:52,880
Speaker 2: is worse than having a very odd and specific reason

860
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:53,480
Speaker 2: for doing it.

861
00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:56,560
Speaker 4: Yeah. I agree with that wholeheartedly.

862
00:42:56,760 --> 00:42:59,239
Speaker 6: We have only two cloves of garlic left. I'm just

863
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:00,799
Speaker 6: I'll be done after this.

864
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:03,760
Speaker 2: I'm just finishing him off before they go bad, babe.

865
00:43:03,880 --> 00:43:05,480
Speaker 8: Yeah, it's about to go bad. Don't want to like

866
00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:08,320
Speaker 8: waste money on this food. Waste is a real problem.

867
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:10,360
Speaker 8: That's even Like even just saying like food waste is

868
00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:16,120
Speaker 8: a real problem is more of a reasoning than just like, yeah.

869
00:43:14,600 --> 00:43:19,959
Speaker 6: I confronted him about his secret grocery trip. He got

870
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:21,839
Speaker 6: really defensive and denying it.

871
00:43:23,080 --> 00:43:26,160
Speaker 2: Dude, Like, honestly, just live your truth. This would be

872
00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:28,680
Speaker 2: fine for me if you just told the truth. But

873
00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:31,479
Speaker 2: now that you're lying about it, that's really weird. So no,

874
00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:32,520
Speaker 2: get out of here.

875
00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:35,839
Speaker 6: I'm trying not to be a nag here, but it's

876
00:43:36,120 --> 00:43:40,359
Speaker 6: really wearing on me. The garlic lee aura surrounding him

877
00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:43,600
Speaker 6: makes me want to avoid him at all costs. Maybe

878
00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:44,840
Speaker 6: he's doing it for a reason.

879
00:43:45,080 --> 00:43:47,680
Speaker 2: Maybe he's doing it because he wants you to break

880
00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:50,880
Speaker 2: up with him, but like, I don't want to do

881
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:52,040
Speaker 2: that because he's my boyfriend.

882
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:54,120
Speaker 6: Am I the ahole forgiving him a ultimatum for eating

883
00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:57,800
Speaker 6: no more garlic? At it? For context? His diet seems

884
00:43:57,840 --> 00:44:00,760
Speaker 6: healthy overall because he's so many wrong onions, of course,

885
00:44:01,320 --> 00:44:02,920
Speaker 6: and he goes to the gym a lot. He had

886
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:05,640
Speaker 6: a doctor's appointment not too long ago, and I don't

887
00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:09,080
Speaker 6: think anything came up, But can I ask him to

888
00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:11,799
Speaker 6: go again? I just feel bad because I did give

889
00:44:11,880 --> 00:44:14,640
Speaker 6: him an ultimatum this morning, which I know isn't good.

890
00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:17,040
Speaker 6: I really love him and I don't want to break up,

891
00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:19,520
Speaker 6: but I just don't know what to do. He hasn't

892
00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:25,719
Speaker 6: come back since this morning. Okay, update real quick? Are

893
00:44:25,719 --> 00:44:30,840
Speaker 6: they gonna make it through this? No, there's no coming back.

894
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:34,680
Speaker 2: It's there over the edge. They're falling down the waterfall.

895
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:37,520
Speaker 2: This is Niagara update.

896
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:40,960
Speaker 6: Thank you all for your advice yesterday. It gave me

897
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:44,480
Speaker 6: a lot to think about. As it turns out, some

898
00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:48,920
Speaker 6: of your comments ended up being spot on. Yesterday evening,

899
00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:51,640
Speaker 6: I tried to text him about seeing a doctor like

900
00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:55,440
Speaker 6: you guys suggested. He never replied. I guess he still

901
00:44:55,480 --> 00:44:58,680
Speaker 6: has me on mutes. I spent the night tossing and turning.

902
00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:01,399
Speaker 6: I kept going over what I was going to say

903
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:04,160
Speaker 6: when he got home, not that it mattered because he

904
00:45:04,239 --> 00:45:08,920
Speaker 6: didn't come back last night. That worried me. So this

905
00:45:09,080 --> 00:45:12,359
Speaker 6: morning I checked his location. He stopped sharing it with

906
00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:15,239
Speaker 6: me through his phone, but I guess he forgot. I

907
00:45:15,280 --> 00:45:19,240
Speaker 6: can still see it on the yellow app. It showed

908
00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:22,080
Speaker 6: him about thirty minutes away on some house off a

909
00:45:22,160 --> 00:45:25,960
Speaker 6: random back road. I was pretty confused and honestly panicked.

910
00:45:26,440 --> 00:45:28,480
Speaker 6: All these friends that I know of live in the city.

911
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:31,440
Speaker 6: I tried to call him again and was sent to voicemail.

912
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:34,120
Speaker 6: So I drove over there to see what was going on.

913
00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:36,239
Speaker 2: Oh, oh my god, Oh my god.

914
00:45:36,640 --> 00:45:38,319
Speaker 6: This is Drea. This is what Drea would do.

915
00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:41,520
Speaker 2: This is you. This is a rookie mistake. Now I

916
00:45:41,520 --> 00:45:42,880
Speaker 2: don't know it's a rookie mistake.

917
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:45,760
Speaker 6: I don't know. Maybe maybe he might be, you know, caught.

918
00:45:45,840 --> 00:45:49,799
Speaker 2: He's clearly never harvested or grown onions before. If if,

919
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:55,160
Speaker 2: if unqualified eyes behold an onion crop before the sun

920
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:59,319
Speaker 2: rises on the final day, they will wither into a

921
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:02,520
Speaker 2: pile of goop. It's just the way it is.

922
00:46:03,239 --> 00:46:05,640
Speaker 6: When I got to the house, I noticed a woman

923
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:09,239
Speaker 6: about my age gardening in the front yard. I was

924
00:46:09,280 --> 00:46:11,640
Speaker 6: pretty upset already, so I flat out asked her if

925
00:46:11,640 --> 00:46:14,919
Speaker 6: she had seen my partner. She seemed surprised and asked

926
00:46:14,960 --> 00:46:17,960
Speaker 6: if I meant Jake. She invited me inside, and there

927
00:46:17,960 --> 00:46:22,319
Speaker 6: he was. Apparently she's into gardening, and they met at

928
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:25,719
Speaker 6: her stand last fall when he went to stock up

929
00:46:25,719 --> 00:46:28,720
Speaker 6: on onions at our local farmer's market.

930
00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:30,880
Speaker 2: What is going on here?

931
00:46:31,600 --> 00:46:34,719
Speaker 6: They hit it off and have been seeing each other

932
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:38,839
Speaker 6: for the past six months and made an official back

933
00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:43,319
Speaker 6: when his busy season started. She said, lately, she's been

934
00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:46,640
Speaker 6: giving Jake the garlic she grew last summer since it's

935
00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:50,040
Speaker 6: going bad soon. That's why he was so insistent on

936
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:54,200
Speaker 6: eating it by himself instead of cooking it into a

937
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:58,240
Speaker 6: shared dish like normal. That's why he's been eating onions

938
00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:00,239
Speaker 6: like an apple instead of letting me use them on

939
00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:04,160
Speaker 6: my sandwiches. He didn't want to give me her presents because,

940
00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:07,640
Speaker 6: in his own words, she grew it with love for me,

941
00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:11,839
Speaker 6: and if you ate them, you would have known. At

942
00:47:11,840 --> 00:47:16,080
Speaker 6: that point, I saw red, so I just left. Since then,

943
00:47:16,160 --> 00:47:18,640
Speaker 6: Jake's been blowing up my phone about how we can

944
00:47:18,680 --> 00:47:22,880
Speaker 6: fix this and that he won't do it again, but

945
00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:24,840
Speaker 6: I'm over it at this point.

946
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:28,920
Speaker 2: Like the scene from The Holes, he can fix this, I.

947
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:30,799
Speaker 6: Was sinking holes of the onion guy.

948
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:34,400
Speaker 2: The onion man. He can fix it. Oh my god,

949
00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:42,480
Speaker 2: the layers. I can fix that. I can fix that.

950
00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:45,200
Speaker 6: Just when I thought my life couldn't get any worse.

951
00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:47,880
Speaker 6: While I was moving his stuff to the curb, I

952
00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:52,319
Speaker 6: found his stash of garlic shoved in the back of

953
00:47:52,360 --> 00:47:55,239
Speaker 6: his closet. It was one pound of garlic and a

954
00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:58,360
Speaker 6: whole depot bucket, along with letters she had written them.

955
00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:03,160
Speaker 2: You stinky garlic letters. She writes them in garlic. She

956
00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:05,520
Speaker 2: doesn't even use a pen. She just smushes a bunch

957
00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:07,880
Speaker 2: of garlic and writes it in like finger paint.

958
00:48:08,640 --> 00:48:09,680
Speaker 4: I'm imagining like.

959
00:48:09,640 --> 00:48:14,120
Speaker 8: A five gallon bucket of garlic, which is like, that's

960
00:48:14,320 --> 00:48:15,600
Speaker 8: so much gars.

961
00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:19,839
Speaker 6: That's literally this is the bucket. It's probably up to hear.

962
00:48:19,840 --> 00:48:23,920
Speaker 2: It's a very cartoony level of garlic. I mean, they

963
00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:27,239
Speaker 2: it's they're they're not even scratching sniff letters. They're just

964
00:48:27,440 --> 00:48:30,080
Speaker 2: sniff letters. You don't have to scratch them. They all

965
00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:33,520
Speaker 2: smell like they smell like garlic already. Yeah, do you're

966
00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:36,000
Speaker 2: gonna smell them whether you want to or not, sop

967
00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:38,759
Speaker 2: He says, I'm keeping the one pound of garlic. I

968
00:48:38,760 --> 00:48:40,840
Speaker 2: don't think we can ever come back from this cheating,

969
00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:44,240
Speaker 2: but I'm going to at least get some good meals

970
00:48:44,239 --> 00:48:45,680
Speaker 2: out of this terrible situation.

971
00:48:46,080 --> 00:48:49,400
Speaker 6: Don't you're gonna taste the cheating. Please send me your

972
00:48:49,480 --> 00:48:53,480
Speaker 6: favorite recipes use garlic. I need a distraction to keep

973
00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:57,040
Speaker 6: my mind off everything. Maybe you should throw the garlic out,

974
00:48:57,440 --> 00:48:59,800
Speaker 6: But guys, that's the end of that crazy garlic story.

975
00:49:00,920 --> 00:49:04,280
Speaker 2: I told my fiance I was not excited about the wedding,

976
00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:06,319
Speaker 2: but I want a life with her.

977
00:49:06,719 --> 00:49:08,840
Speaker 6: Those don't sound like they can be the same sentence.

978
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:12,279
Speaker 2: I feel like this might automatically put me in the

979
00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:13,200
Speaker 2: a whole category.

980
00:49:13,239 --> 00:49:14,160
Speaker 6: But let me explain.

981
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:16,960
Speaker 2: I propose to my fiance in November, and we have

982
00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:20,120
Speaker 2: planned for a wedding in June. From the beginning, I've

983
00:49:20,200 --> 00:49:22,880
Speaker 2: explained to my fiance that I have no desire in

984
00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:25,439
Speaker 2: the wedding planning. I've told her I don't care about

985
00:49:25,480 --> 00:49:28,680
Speaker 2: the date, the colors, who attends. Just give me the

986
00:49:28,719 --> 00:49:31,760
Speaker 2: final number and I will pay it. That's not good,

987
00:49:32,200 --> 00:49:35,120
Speaker 2: By the way, This comes from user nervous Royal six.

988
00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:36,680
Speaker 2: If you want to submit your own stories, go to

989
00:49:36,680 --> 00:49:40,400
Speaker 2: the r slash Okay storytime subpared it. I'm Dakota, I'm Riley,

990
00:49:40,440 --> 00:49:43,239
Speaker 2: and I'm Vincent, and we're gonna read this story and

991
00:49:43,280 --> 00:49:45,840
Speaker 2: give a little bit of advice. It might be goofy,

992
00:49:45,960 --> 00:49:49,000
Speaker 2: it might not be. We don't know if we're right

993
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:53,440
Speaker 2: all the time. Nobody does tell us your thoughts now

994
00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:58,440
Speaker 2: in the comments, and op says, since then, my fiance

995
00:49:58,600 --> 00:50:01,960
Speaker 2: has been doing all the planning and Whenever any of

996
00:50:01,960 --> 00:50:05,000
Speaker 2: my friends ask me about any details, I tell them

997
00:50:05,040 --> 00:50:08,000
Speaker 2: to just ask my fiance the bride, because she's the

998
00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:09,080
Speaker 2: one planning everything.

999
00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:12,000
Speaker 6: I mean, smart, you don't want to get details mixed

1000
00:50:12,040 --> 00:50:13,960
Speaker 6: up and then someone shows up at three when the

1001
00:50:13,960 --> 00:50:15,319
Speaker 6: wedding's actually at one.

1002
00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:16,359
Speaker 4: Oh.

1003
00:50:16,400 --> 00:50:19,439
Speaker 2: This is like a just like making it simple thing.

1004
00:50:19,560 --> 00:50:21,839
Speaker 2: It's not like I'm not gonna help you plan our

1005
00:50:21,920 --> 00:50:25,080
Speaker 2: wedding whatsoever. It's more just like, we just don't want

1006
00:50:25,120 --> 00:50:26,520
Speaker 2: anyone to get confused.

1007
00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:29,080
Speaker 6: Anyone to get confused, and anything I am gonna do

1008
00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:31,279
Speaker 6: it probably won't be as good as you would do it.

1009
00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:32,759
Speaker 6: So I'm just gonna let you do it. I'm gonna

1010
00:50:32,800 --> 00:50:33,279
Speaker 6: mess it up.

1011
00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:38,839
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, And there's you're not doing anything with that incompetence.

1012
00:50:39,440 --> 00:50:44,920
Speaker 2: It's just there. It's not being what we weapanized. That

1013
00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:47,360
Speaker 2: is that a word? It could be. It might be

1014
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:51,440
Speaker 2: the hottest word of the year. Disclaimer, this is not

1015
00:50:51,520 --> 00:50:54,400
Speaker 2: a large wedding At the most. This is like forty

1016
00:50:54,440 --> 00:50:58,000
Speaker 2: five people, so nothing she can't handle. This has not

1017
00:50:58,160 --> 00:51:01,319
Speaker 2: been a big deal for our relationship up until a

1018
00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:05,399
Speaker 2: few days ago, when we were drinking together. I had

1019
00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:08,319
Speaker 2: mentioned to her that my friend who is getting us

1020
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:12,400
Speaker 2: married called me to ask me questions about the wedding,

1021
00:51:12,520 --> 00:51:14,840
Speaker 2: and I told him to just talk to my fiance.

1022
00:51:15,560 --> 00:51:18,440
Speaker 2: She asked me questions like, well, was he asking about

1023
00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:21,440
Speaker 2: when to meet? Was he asking about what we were

1024
00:51:21,480 --> 00:51:24,760
Speaker 2: doing for dinner? All of that stuff? And I snapped,

1025
00:51:25,200 --> 00:51:27,399
Speaker 2: this is your job, babe, don't ask me what he's

1026
00:51:27,440 --> 00:51:34,759
Speaker 2: asking for. Just call him what ooh no, oh, no,

1027
00:51:34,840 --> 00:51:35,680
Speaker 2: you suck.

1028
00:51:36,239 --> 00:51:40,560
Speaker 6: A snappy But honestly, Son new Man.

1029
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:46,080
Speaker 2: From my experience with my girlfriend, and I've had to

1030
00:51:46,239 --> 00:51:50,560
Speaker 2: learn that sometimes a girl really like it when guy

1031
00:51:50,760 --> 00:51:53,920
Speaker 2: make plan. Really mm hmm.

1032
00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:56,360
Speaker 6: Can you break that down for me? What's like the

1033
00:51:56,560 --> 00:51:57,640
Speaker 6: last plan you made?

1034
00:51:57,719 --> 00:52:01,840
Speaker 2: Girl like when guy make plan? Because if guy make planned,

1035
00:52:01,920 --> 00:52:05,680
Speaker 2: girl feel like guy like girl. If guy make no

1036
00:52:05,840 --> 00:52:09,040
Speaker 2: plan and say girl can make plan, girl better than guy,

1037
00:52:09,280 --> 00:52:13,120
Speaker 2: girl feel like why my guy so dumb that that's

1038
00:52:13,120 --> 00:52:15,480
Speaker 2: the whole breakdown. That's the whole breakdown.

1039
00:52:15,520 --> 00:52:19,080
Speaker 6: So what's the last thing you planned? Okay, Vincent's the

1040
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:24,400
Speaker 6: last thing you planned? Oh?

1041
00:52:24,560 --> 00:52:25,640
Speaker 2: What's the last I will saying?

1042
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:27,040
Speaker 4: I will say, I am planning.

1043
00:52:27,080 --> 00:52:30,040
Speaker 8: I am going to plan a trip to Big Sir

1044
00:52:30,120 --> 00:52:31,120
Speaker 8: because our Scott.

1045
00:52:30,880 --> 00:52:33,400
Speaker 6: Oh my god, I am gonna plan Okay, I planned

1046
00:52:33,840 --> 00:52:35,120
Speaker 6: to go to a wedding for a weekend.

1047
00:52:35,200 --> 00:52:36,920
Speaker 4: That's not your plan, dude.

1048
00:52:36,840 --> 00:52:37,600
Speaker 3: Get out of here.

1049
00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:40,400
Speaker 2: Come on. I plan to go to a place where

1050
00:52:40,440 --> 00:52:43,920
Speaker 2: everything was already planned for us. We just have to

1051
00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:48,719
Speaker 2: show up. I'm planning her birthday right now, planning for

1052
00:52:48,760 --> 00:52:51,960
Speaker 2: her birthday. So what's the last thing you planned?

1053
00:52:52,040 --> 00:52:54,520
Speaker 6: Our anniversary that was really great? That was like a

1054
00:52:54,560 --> 00:52:56,560
Speaker 6: big long day, that was a big thing.

1055
00:52:57,160 --> 00:53:01,160
Speaker 2: Okay, let's finish this story. I didn't think it was

1056
00:53:01,200 --> 00:53:03,480
Speaker 2: that big of a deal because I was very clear

1057
00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:06,879
Speaker 2: from the beginning that I was not interested in the planning. Yeah, babe,

1058
00:53:06,880 --> 00:53:08,680
Speaker 2: I made it clear from the beginning. I don't care

1059
00:53:08,680 --> 00:53:11,080
Speaker 2: about our wedding at all. It means absolutely nothing to me,

1060
00:53:11,320 --> 00:53:13,319
Speaker 2: and I'm not gonna help it all because it's just

1061
00:53:13,360 --> 00:53:17,399
Speaker 2: too much to ask. But she started crying and then

1062
00:53:17,480 --> 00:53:19,840
Speaker 2: mentioned that I told her I was not excited to

1063
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:24,239
Speaker 2: marry her, which this is true. Ooo, this was a

1064
00:53:24,239 --> 00:53:27,200
Speaker 2: few weeks ago I mentioned this. I did say I

1065
00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:30,800
Speaker 2: was not excited, but that was mostly towards the planning part.

1066
00:53:31,120 --> 00:53:33,320
Speaker 2: But now she will not stop crying.

1067
00:53:33,840 --> 00:53:34,160
Speaker 7: Dude.

1068
00:53:34,600 --> 00:53:36,520
Speaker 2: Just clarify that, dude.

1069
00:53:36,680 --> 00:53:39,080
Speaker 7: Oh, I am freaking on the inside.

1070
00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:41,319
Speaker 6: There was a simple way to get past those What

1071
00:53:41,480 --> 00:53:43,279
Speaker 6: is this? Number one? Where are you going to buy

1072
00:53:43,560 --> 00:53:44,600
Speaker 6: your flowers?

1073
00:53:45,080 --> 00:53:46,279
Speaker 2: Flowers? First?

1074
00:53:46,800 --> 00:53:49,120
Speaker 6: Number two, Vincent, what are you gonna do?

1075
00:53:49,120 --> 00:53:50,880
Speaker 4: You're gonna talk to her?

1076
00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:54,359
Speaker 6: And number three fellas, what are we gonna say during

1077
00:53:54,360 --> 00:53:54,759
Speaker 6: that talk?

1078
00:53:54,920 --> 00:53:55,799
Speaker 2: I saw.

1079
00:53:58,200 --> 00:54:01,440
Speaker 8: And I've planned a trip, I've planned a dinner, take

1080
00:54:01,480 --> 00:54:03,399
Speaker 8: her out on a date, Peeder, And this.

1081
00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:06,319
Speaker 6: Is why these guys. Yes, And this is why these

1082
00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:08,120
Speaker 6: guys are taking They get it.

1083
00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:11,200
Speaker 2: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to

1084
00:54:11,239 --> 00:54:11,880
Speaker 2: the next one.

1085
00:54:12,239 --> 00:54:16,040
Speaker 1: I spent two years fixing myself and still attract the

1086
00:54:16,040 --> 00:54:16,640
Speaker 1: wrong men.

1087
00:54:16,880 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 9: Well, you know what you do with a half baked turkey?

1088
00:54:19,280 --> 00:54:20,680
Speaker 9: What you put it back in the oven?

1089
00:54:20,719 --> 00:54:22,520
Speaker 7: Exactly looks like it's time for a new magnet.

1090
00:54:23,840 --> 00:54:27,200
Speaker 1: Oh, he says, where did I even begin? I twenty

1091
00:54:27,200 --> 00:54:30,799
Speaker 1: seven female, have only ever had two long term relationships,

1092
00:54:31,239 --> 00:54:35,319
Speaker 1: and both of those men were extremely emotionally unavailable. In

1093
00:54:35,360 --> 00:54:38,279
Speaker 1: the first relationship, I stayed longer than I should, as

1094
00:54:38,320 --> 00:54:40,840
Speaker 1: I was still young and experienced and didn't have a

1095
00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:43,719
Speaker 1: clue what I was doing. I finally got rid of them.

1096
00:54:43,960 --> 00:54:48,280
Speaker 1: The second relationship, he was emotionally unavailable, but in different ways.

1097
00:54:48,560 --> 00:54:51,319
Speaker 1: I stayed because I didn't recognize it at first. Then

1098
00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:53,239
Speaker 1: I came to the curb I got rid of them.

1099
00:54:53,760 --> 00:54:55,640
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from deleted and if you

1100
00:54:55,640 --> 00:54:57,080
Speaker 1: want to spit your own stories, go to the r

1101
00:54:57,160 --> 00:54:58,719
Speaker 1: slash Okay storytime, supared it.

1102
00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:01,120
Speaker 10: I'm Sophia Hello, I'm Orna.

1103
00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:02,560
Speaker 7: Walters, and I'm Matthew Walters.

1104
00:55:02,680 --> 00:55:06,040
Speaker 2: Yes, and I'm Dakota And we do have a couple

1105
00:55:06,080 --> 00:55:08,080
Speaker 2: of special guests with us today.

1106
00:55:08,360 --> 00:55:10,560
Speaker 1: Could you introduce yourselves and tell us a little bit

1107
00:55:10,560 --> 00:55:13,080
Speaker 1: about what you are, who you are and what you do.

1108
00:55:13,280 --> 00:55:17,560
Speaker 5: We're holistic dating coaches and the authors of getting it

1109
00:55:17,640 --> 00:55:20,080
Speaker 5: Right this time break free from your hidden blocks to

1110
00:55:20,160 --> 00:55:20,759
Speaker 5: lasting love.

1111
00:55:20,920 --> 00:55:24,000
Speaker 9: Yeah, and you can find out always more about us.

1112
00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:25,960
Speaker 10: That's love on Purpose dot com.

1113
00:55:25,960 --> 00:55:27,439
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us.

1114
00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:29,759
Speaker 7: Today and yeah, excited to be here.

1115
00:55:30,000 --> 00:55:32,480
Speaker 1: I'm excited Matthew and Orner are going to help us

1116
00:55:32,680 --> 00:55:36,040
Speaker 1: read some stories and give some holistic advice. But Op says,

1117
00:55:36,640 --> 00:55:39,520
Speaker 1: after my last relationship, I realized, in order to be

1118
00:55:39,560 --> 00:55:42,200
Speaker 1: the best version of me for me, I have to

1119
00:55:42,239 --> 00:55:45,640
Speaker 1: remain single, not entertain these men, and work on me.

1120
00:55:46,480 --> 00:55:49,120
Speaker 1: And that's exactly what I did. I never spoke to men,

1121
00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:51,880
Speaker 1: never went on dates or took a guy's number. I

1122
00:55:51,960 --> 00:55:55,640
Speaker 1: focused on me, found things I enjoyed, worked on myself

1123
00:55:55,640 --> 00:55:59,839
Speaker 1: emotionally and mentally. I identified where I went wrong in past relationships,

1124
00:56:00,160 --> 00:56:03,200
Speaker 1: talking stages. I had a bit of counseling. Honestly, it

1125
00:56:03,239 --> 00:56:04,920
Speaker 1: was the best year and a half of my life.

1126
00:56:05,480 --> 00:56:08,000
Speaker 1: The only men I spoke to were colleagues, men and

1127
00:56:08,040 --> 00:56:10,799
Speaker 1: my family, or men serving me in shops. That's it.

1128
00:56:11,480 --> 00:56:14,920
Speaker 1: I revolved my life around me and addressed any issues

1129
00:56:14,960 --> 00:56:17,200
Speaker 1: that I may have had with myself. It was great.

1130
00:56:17,760 --> 00:56:20,719
Speaker 1: I built better relationships with friends and family. I made

1131
00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:23,239
Speaker 1: a couple of new girlfriends along the way. I know

1132
00:56:23,320 --> 00:56:27,160
Speaker 1: it sounds cringe, but life genuinely was blissful. I stayed

1133
00:56:27,200 --> 00:56:29,960
Speaker 1: celibate too. I went just under two years with no

1134
00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:33,640
Speaker 1: spicy sleep and on a detox from men. I'm not

1135
00:56:33,680 --> 00:56:36,239
Speaker 1: gonna lie. There were times it was lonely and I

1136
00:56:36,280 --> 00:56:38,840
Speaker 1: wanted a cuddle or to come home to a boyfriend.

1137
00:56:39,200 --> 00:56:42,080
Speaker 1: But I had my mental health, sanity, and peace of mind,

1138
00:56:42,160 --> 00:56:44,560
Speaker 1: and it was worth more than having a guy for

1139
00:56:44,600 --> 00:56:47,640
Speaker 1: the sake of it. Anyway, fast forward two years, my

1140
00:56:47,719 --> 00:56:49,319
Speaker 1: friends and I are out at a bar and I

1141
00:56:49,440 --> 00:56:52,080
Speaker 1: get talking to this guy and the same bar as

1142
00:56:52,160 --> 00:56:54,920
Speaker 1: us in mine. This is the first guy I've taken

1143
00:56:54,960 --> 00:56:58,719
Speaker 1: interest in since my no man detoxed, and I was

1144
00:56:58,760 --> 00:57:01,960
Speaker 1: loving it. He asked for my number, I gave it,

1145
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:04,920
Speaker 1: and I shortly left the bar. The next few weeks,

1146
00:57:05,040 --> 00:57:06,440
Speaker 1: him and I text daily.

1147
00:57:07,000 --> 00:57:07,160
Speaker 2: Now.

1148
00:57:07,200 --> 00:57:09,520
Speaker 1: Because I had been single for two years and working

1149
00:57:09,520 --> 00:57:13,640
Speaker 1: on myself, texting a guy felt odd at first. Yeah,

1150
00:57:13,640 --> 00:57:16,480
Speaker 1: I feel like you forget how to do that if

1151
00:57:16,520 --> 00:57:17,440
Speaker 1: you're out of practice.

1152
00:57:17,600 --> 00:57:18,360
Speaker 7: Yeah, definitely.

1153
00:57:18,520 --> 00:57:19,040
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1154
00:57:19,160 --> 00:57:21,400
Speaker 1: I forgot how to date. I forgot what it was

1155
00:57:21,440 --> 00:57:24,680
Speaker 1: like to be pursued. But it felt natural. He was patient,

1156
00:57:25,040 --> 00:57:28,880
Speaker 1: kind and funny, and I genuinely enjoyed texting him. I

1157
00:57:28,920 --> 00:57:32,760
Speaker 1: felt very giddy. However, I reminded myself to take it slow,

1158
00:57:33,280 --> 00:57:35,440
Speaker 1: take note of any red flags, and if I'm not

1159
00:57:35,480 --> 00:57:38,800
Speaker 1: feeling him, then I must leave. Cut a long story short,

1160
00:57:38,960 --> 00:57:44,000
Speaker 1: This guy, too ended up being emotionally unavailable. He did

1161
00:57:44,120 --> 00:57:46,040
Speaker 1: end up liking me. I think he liked me more

1162
00:57:46,080 --> 00:57:48,680
Speaker 1: than what he wanted to, but wasn't ready for a

1163
00:57:48,720 --> 00:57:52,360
Speaker 1: relationship and seeing me frequently scared him, which is fine,

1164
00:57:52,760 --> 00:57:55,640
Speaker 1: but I was looking for something more. I explained this

1165
00:57:55,720 --> 00:57:57,240
Speaker 1: to him, and I told him that him and I

1166
00:57:57,320 --> 00:58:00,000
Speaker 1: must leave each other alone as we both want different things.

1167
00:58:00,760 --> 00:58:02,840
Speaker 1: He agreed, but said he wanted to meet up with

1168
00:58:02,880 --> 00:58:05,960
Speaker 1: me in person. I'd met up with him a few times,

1169
00:58:05,960 --> 00:58:08,920
Speaker 1: so this was nothing strange. Are you seeing any red

1170
00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:09,760
Speaker 1: flags so far?

1171
00:58:10,040 --> 00:58:13,080
Speaker 7: There's like dozens of them over the place, right.

1172
00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:17,840
Speaker 5: The first thing is we think texting is so easy

1173
00:58:18,160 --> 00:58:20,120
Speaker 5: and it's so convenient, and we can learn so much

1174
00:58:20,120 --> 00:58:24,120
Speaker 5: about a person texting, But the truth is texting is

1175
00:58:24,240 --> 00:58:27,760
Speaker 5: an imaginary relationship. Yeah, because there's no tone in text.

1176
00:58:28,600 --> 00:58:30,320
Speaker 5: People can type whatever that and they can go I

1177
00:58:30,320 --> 00:58:31,560
Speaker 5: don't like that, and they can delete.

1178
00:58:31,320 --> 00:58:34,320
Speaker 7: It and rewrite it. Right. You can curate who you

1179
00:58:34,480 --> 00:58:36,240
Speaker 7: are through a text.

1180
00:58:36,480 --> 00:58:39,000
Speaker 2: You can even have other people text for you exactly.

1181
00:58:39,120 --> 00:58:41,919
Speaker 7: But when you're sitting across the table from someone, who

1182
00:58:41,960 --> 00:58:42,880
Speaker 7: they are is who they are.

1183
00:58:43,760 --> 00:58:44,000
Speaker 10: I mean.

1184
00:58:44,000 --> 00:58:46,000
Speaker 9: The reality is our You have to understand the way

1185
00:58:46,040 --> 00:58:49,760
Speaker 9: our minds work. So our minds, our subconscious mind is

1186
00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:50,920
Speaker 9: designed to do one thing.

1187
00:58:51,400 --> 00:58:52,560
Speaker 10: It's a very low bar.

1188
00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:55,960
Speaker 9: That bar is to keep you alive, and it only

1189
00:58:56,040 --> 00:58:58,919
Speaker 9: does it one way. The only way your mind keeps

1190
00:58:58,920 --> 00:59:01,919
Speaker 9: you alive is by bringing you more of the same

1191
00:59:01,960 --> 00:59:05,480
Speaker 9: circumstances that are familiar to you, so it highlights what

1192
00:59:05,600 --> 00:59:06,280
Speaker 9: is familiar.

1193
00:59:06,840 --> 00:59:07,480
Speaker 10: It highlights what.

1194
00:59:07,560 --> 00:59:11,600
Speaker 9: Is familiar again and again and again and again and again,

1195
00:59:12,320 --> 00:59:17,280
Speaker 9: so again it will fill in the blanks. You know

1196
00:59:17,320 --> 00:59:19,320
Speaker 9: those we used to play mad libs back in.

1197
00:59:19,240 --> 00:59:20,200
Speaker 10: The day when we were kids.

1198
00:59:21,160 --> 00:59:24,920
Speaker 9: Remember, Okay, great, So our minds fill in the blanks.

1199
00:59:25,000 --> 00:59:28,080
Speaker 9: And so when we're texting, that's the least amount of

1200
00:59:28,120 --> 00:59:30,960
Speaker 9: information we're getting or just words, and we are putting

1201
00:59:31,040 --> 00:59:33,200
Speaker 9: in We're filling in all the subjects. And I'll tell

1202
00:59:33,200 --> 00:59:34,919
Speaker 9: you how your mind does this. Have you ever had,

1203
00:59:34,960 --> 00:59:36,840
Speaker 9: like maybe it's do work or something. You're just talking

1204
00:59:36,880 --> 00:59:39,160
Speaker 9: to somebody on the phone and you know their voice. Yeah,

1205
00:59:39,160 --> 00:59:41,640
Speaker 9: but then you meet them, like the company holiday party,

1206
00:59:41,680 --> 00:59:43,160
Speaker 9: and suddenly you're like, oh, you don't look like.

1207
00:59:43,120 --> 00:59:46,000
Speaker 10: I thought you would, right, Yeah, Well you didn't know that.

1208
00:59:46,040 --> 00:59:48,520
Speaker 9: You thought they looked like something until they didn't look

1209
00:59:48,600 --> 00:59:51,080
Speaker 9: like what you imagined. So your mind is filling in

1210
00:59:51,120 --> 00:59:53,160
Speaker 9: those blanks all the time, all the time. So in

1211
00:59:53,240 --> 00:59:57,000
Speaker 9: the early part of meeting somebody, we're filling in the blanks.

1212
00:59:57,040 --> 00:59:59,880
Speaker 9: And because we have hope and excitement that it turns

1213
01:00:00,080 --> 01:00:04,000
Speaker 9: into something, we're automatically slanting things towards the positive because

1214
01:00:04,040 --> 01:00:07,520
Speaker 9: we want to want it to work. Right, it's unfortunate

1215
01:00:07,600 --> 01:00:09,480
Speaker 9: because then the longer you're with somebody in your mind

1216
01:00:09,480 --> 01:00:11,360
Speaker 9: starts the slant thing towards the negative, like that thing

1217
01:00:11,400 --> 01:00:11,960
Speaker 9: really bugs me.

1218
01:00:12,000 --> 01:00:15,280
Speaker 10: I don't remember that thing before, so you can't believe

1219
01:00:15,320 --> 01:00:15,800
Speaker 10: your mind.

1220
01:00:16,120 --> 01:00:19,080
Speaker 9: So the thing is is going on a detox to

1221
01:00:19,160 --> 01:00:23,760
Speaker 9: work on yourself is different work than working through a

1222
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:26,640
Speaker 9: dating process to date a different kind of person.

1223
01:00:26,720 --> 01:00:28,040
Speaker 10: Those are two different things.

1224
01:00:28,680 --> 01:00:30,960
Speaker 9: It's like saying, oh, I don't know, do I vacation

1225
01:00:31,040 --> 01:00:32,280
Speaker 9: in the Swiss Alps and go skiing?

1226
01:00:32,320 --> 01:00:34,400
Speaker 10: Or do I go to Hawaii and go to a luo?

1227
01:00:34,640 --> 01:00:35,160
Speaker 1: You know what I mean?

1228
01:00:35,240 --> 01:00:36,960
Speaker 10: Those are there's too far apart.

1229
01:00:37,680 --> 01:00:41,120
Speaker 9: So in reality, this working on yourself and being happy

1230
01:00:41,480 --> 01:00:45,360
Speaker 9: as your own person is an amazing experience. To go

1231
01:00:45,400 --> 01:00:47,800
Speaker 9: through a detox and just really be happy with who

1232
01:00:47,840 --> 01:00:49,840
Speaker 9: you are and have a full life. That is a

1233
01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:54,320
Speaker 9: great part to bring into now the dating process. But

1234
01:00:54,360 --> 01:00:57,480
Speaker 9: the dating process is exactly that. It's a selection process.

1235
01:00:57,800 --> 01:01:02,120
Speaker 9: So what happened is this person did work, but mostly

1236
01:01:02,160 --> 01:01:05,800
Speaker 9: they didn't interact with men, so they didn't do anything different.

1237
01:01:05,440 --> 01:01:06,880
Speaker 10: About their strategy.

1238
01:01:08,720 --> 01:01:11,920
Speaker 9: About dating somebody different, so they ended up with the

1239
01:01:11,960 --> 01:01:15,400
Speaker 9: same kind of person, the familiar person and if we

1240
01:01:15,400 --> 01:01:17,280
Speaker 9: were to really dig in with this person, if they

1241
01:01:17,280 --> 01:01:19,360
Speaker 9: say they became a client, I bet we would discover

1242
01:01:19,440 --> 01:01:23,320
Speaker 9: the root of the familiar of that person being emotionally

1243
01:01:23,360 --> 01:01:26,800
Speaker 9: unavailable goes back to their childhood, because that's where it

1244
01:01:26,840 --> 01:01:27,280
Speaker 9: comes from.

1245
01:01:27,440 --> 01:01:29,560
Speaker 5: They would discover that one or both of their parents

1246
01:01:29,600 --> 01:01:30,680
Speaker 5: were emotionally unavailable.

1247
01:01:31,280 --> 01:01:34,800
Speaker 7: Familiar is we haven't backwards though.

1248
01:01:34,800 --> 01:01:37,640
Speaker 5: We think we have this magnet inside of us that

1249
01:01:37,760 --> 01:01:41,480
Speaker 5: is attracting people in situations to us. But truth is

1250
01:01:41,480 --> 01:01:45,160
Speaker 5: this the other way around. We were attracted to certain situations.

1251
01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:49,080
Speaker 5: We're attracted to certain people because, like Irna said, it

1252
01:01:49,240 --> 01:01:53,960
Speaker 5: feels familiar, and so of course the first guy she's

1253
01:01:54,000 --> 01:01:57,000
Speaker 5: going to see again is going to be emotionally unavailable

1254
01:01:57,040 --> 01:02:02,320
Speaker 5: because that feels right, It feels comfortable, even though ultimately.

1255
01:02:01,840 --> 01:02:03,720
Speaker 7: When you're in a relationship with that guy doesn't feel

1256
01:02:03,720 --> 01:02:06,120
Speaker 7: comfortable at all. Yeah, because you don't know what's going

1257
01:02:06,160 --> 01:02:06,840
Speaker 7: on with him.

1258
01:02:06,880 --> 01:02:10,720
Speaker 1: No, yeah, no, absolutely. Anyway, the day him and I

1259
01:02:10,720 --> 01:02:13,000
Speaker 1: were supposed to meet up, I had a weird feeling

1260
01:02:13,000 --> 01:02:15,960
Speaker 1: about something. I never messaged him that day. I allowed

1261
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:20,000
Speaker 1: him to message me first. His ura seemed awe and

1262
01:02:20,120 --> 01:02:22,440
Speaker 1: lo and be old. He told me he was tired

1263
01:02:22,600 --> 01:02:24,880
Speaker 1: and didn't want to meet me that day, but we

1264
01:02:24,920 --> 01:02:29,280
Speaker 1: can just rearrange soon. I just ignored that message, deleted

1265
01:02:29,280 --> 01:02:31,800
Speaker 1: our chat, and deleted his number and never spoke to

1266
01:02:31,840 --> 01:02:35,880
Speaker 1: him again. Well there you go, second guy again. He

1267
01:02:35,920 --> 01:02:39,160
Speaker 1: approached me first, we got speaking. He seemed interested and

1268
01:02:39,240 --> 01:02:42,040
Speaker 1: I was quite interested. I gave him my number. His

1269
01:02:42,160 --> 01:02:45,000
Speaker 1: texts were not consistent, but I put it down to

1270
01:02:45,080 --> 01:02:47,280
Speaker 1: him maybe just not being glued to his phone twenty

1271
01:02:47,320 --> 01:02:51,880
Speaker 1: four seven. But his responses were bad, boring. He wasn't

1272
01:02:51,880 --> 01:02:54,640
Speaker 1: saying particularly much, and he didn't offer to meet up

1273
01:02:54,640 --> 01:02:57,280
Speaker 1: in person. At first, I put it down to him

1274
01:02:57,320 --> 01:02:59,440
Speaker 1: not being a big Texter. I said the same for

1275
01:02:59,480 --> 01:03:01,880
Speaker 1: the other guy I met. But then I realized that

1276
01:03:01,960 --> 01:03:05,800
Speaker 1: I'm making excuses for behavior that isn't compatible with my needs.

1277
01:03:08,240 --> 01:03:10,480
Speaker 1: A good win. That's a great awareness.

1278
01:03:10,720 --> 01:03:11,800
Speaker 10: That's a great awareness.

1279
01:03:11,920 --> 01:03:14,400
Speaker 1: She's like, wait a minute, I think I know what

1280
01:03:14,480 --> 01:03:17,640
Speaker 1: the issue is. Great, Whilst these men have every right

1281
01:03:17,720 --> 01:03:21,040
Speaker 1: to be bad texters, et cetera, it isn't compatible with

1282
01:03:21,080 --> 01:03:24,560
Speaker 1: what I want. So I sent him a text as follows,

1283
01:03:24,960 --> 01:03:28,320
Speaker 1: HI his name, It's been a pleasure getting to know you,

1284
01:03:28,400 --> 01:03:30,200
Speaker 1: and thank you for the laughs. But I can see

1285
01:03:30,240 --> 01:03:32,480
Speaker 1: You're in a different headspace mentally, and I don't think

1286
01:03:32,520 --> 01:03:35,440
Speaker 1: this situation is going anywhere. Thank you for being kind,

1287
01:03:35,520 --> 01:03:37,479
Speaker 1: but this isn't for me, and I do not wish

1288
01:03:37,520 --> 01:03:40,160
Speaker 1: to be in contact with you any further. Goodbye and

1289
01:03:40,160 --> 01:03:44,120
Speaker 1: thank you, he replied two days later, tried to call

1290
01:03:44,200 --> 01:03:46,320
Speaker 1: me a few times. I think that in it like

1291
01:03:46,440 --> 01:03:49,200
Speaker 1: in and of itself, isn't a response if you wait

1292
01:03:49,240 --> 01:03:53,200
Speaker 1: two days later exactly, I ignored him, and then he stopped.

1293
01:03:53,720 --> 01:03:57,120
Speaker 1: What's the point now, I've gone back to not entertaining

1294
01:03:57,120 --> 01:04:02,440
Speaker 1: guys as I'm genuinely picking the emotionally unavailable ones. But

1295
01:04:02,520 --> 01:04:05,000
Speaker 1: it seems like Op's question here is why you know?

1296
01:04:05,040 --> 01:04:05,840
Speaker 1: It seems like she's.

1297
01:04:05,720 --> 01:04:06,840
Speaker 7: Why do I? Yeah?

1298
01:04:06,840 --> 01:04:07,560
Speaker 10: Why do I keep it?

1299
01:04:07,600 --> 01:04:07,800
Speaker 2: Tried?

1300
01:04:07,920 --> 01:04:12,040
Speaker 9: So this was my pattern unavailable, unavailable, and available either

1301
01:04:12,040 --> 01:04:16,800
Speaker 9: emotionally unavailable or like literally unavailable like already with somebody else. Yeah, yep,

1302
01:04:16,880 --> 01:04:18,840
Speaker 9: did that one too, that I play that out. So

1303
01:04:19,120 --> 01:04:22,800
Speaker 9: I know this one intimately and a lot of it.

1304
01:04:24,400 --> 01:04:26,439
Speaker 9: That's why I think that taking the time to work

1305
01:04:26,480 --> 01:04:29,720
Speaker 9: on oneself is so important. But it isn't the same

1306
01:04:29,760 --> 01:04:34,120
Speaker 9: as then adjusting your dating strategy. So you're dating strategies right,

1307
01:04:34,240 --> 01:04:37,280
Speaker 9: how you select a partner, and what most people do

1308
01:04:38,120 --> 01:04:41,120
Speaker 9: is they just sort of figure out whoever shows up

1309
01:04:41,320 --> 01:04:44,800
Speaker 9: is showing up for a reason. And that isn't necessarily true. Yeah,

1310
01:04:44,840 --> 01:04:46,680
Speaker 9: they're showing up for all kinds of reasons. They might

1311
01:04:46,720 --> 01:04:48,400
Speaker 9: find you attractive, that doesn't mean they're a.

1312
01:04:48,400 --> 01:04:49,040
Speaker 10: Good match for you.

1313
01:04:49,360 --> 01:04:51,960
Speaker 9: They might think you're cute, doesn't mean they're a good

1314
01:04:52,000 --> 01:04:53,800
Speaker 9: match for you. You might work in the same place,

1315
01:04:53,880 --> 01:04:55,720
Speaker 9: doesn't mean they're a good match for you. You stumbled

1316
01:04:55,720 --> 01:04:58,400
Speaker 9: into them on the street, at Starbucks, whatever, That doesn't

1317
01:04:58,400 --> 01:05:00,960
Speaker 9: mean they're a good match for you. Have this idea

1318
01:05:01,080 --> 01:05:03,600
Speaker 9: that the person I'm quote supposed to be with is

1319
01:05:03,640 --> 01:05:05,400
Speaker 9: just going to magically show up one day.

1320
01:05:05,960 --> 01:05:06,280
Speaker 2: I don't know.

1321
01:05:06,280 --> 01:05:08,200
Speaker 9: When your dishwasher breaks, do you think it's just going

1322
01:05:08,240 --> 01:05:09,280
Speaker 9: to magically fix itself?

1323
01:05:09,360 --> 01:05:11,320
Speaker 1: I hope so great?

1324
01:05:12,080 --> 01:05:13,760
Speaker 10: But are you are you banking on it?

1325
01:05:13,880 --> 01:05:14,160
Speaker 2: No?

1326
01:05:14,160 --> 01:05:14,400
Speaker 1: No?

1327
01:05:14,520 --> 01:05:16,160
Speaker 10: Yeah, after how many.

1328
01:05:16,040 --> 01:05:17,800
Speaker 9: Days of doing this with my hand, are you going

1329
01:05:17,880 --> 01:05:19,040
Speaker 9: to actually call the repair guy?

1330
01:05:19,320 --> 01:05:21,160
Speaker 1: Two hours? And there you go.

1331
01:05:21,400 --> 01:05:24,160
Speaker 10: I wish people called us that things. Shoot, I keep

1332
01:05:24,200 --> 01:05:25,080
Speaker 10: picking the wrong guy.

1333
01:05:25,240 --> 01:05:28,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, I got a call her. I've got you on

1334
01:05:29,000 --> 01:05:29,560
Speaker 1: speed dial.

1335
01:05:29,920 --> 01:05:30,240
Speaker 2: You see.

1336
01:05:30,240 --> 01:05:33,680
Speaker 5: The thing is, there's there's these extremes of either I

1337
01:05:33,840 --> 01:05:37,440
Speaker 5: go into these long chat conversations with emotionally unavailable men.

1338
01:05:37,680 --> 01:05:39,120
Speaker 7: Or I don't date anybody at all.

1339
01:05:39,360 --> 01:05:41,480
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, it seems like I'm done.

1340
01:05:41,560 --> 01:05:43,200
Speaker 5: It's like it's like if you've gone out and you

1341
01:05:43,280 --> 01:05:46,240
Speaker 5: had sushi and then you got you know, some you know,

1342
01:05:46,280 --> 01:05:49,640
Speaker 5: food poisoning. You said, I'm never eating out again, I'm

1343
01:05:49,680 --> 01:05:52,400
Speaker 5: only cooking at home. Yeah, and then you go three

1344
01:05:52,480 --> 01:05:55,080
Speaker 5: years later, maybe I should eat out again. Yeah, you know,

1345
01:05:55,320 --> 01:05:57,439
Speaker 5: I mean, we don't. We don't think that way about

1346
01:05:57,520 --> 01:06:00,600
Speaker 5: other things in life. Yet once again, and the magical

1347
01:06:00,640 --> 01:06:04,800
Speaker 5: thinking of love and romance says, oh, well, it wasn't easy.

1348
01:06:04,920 --> 01:06:07,320
Speaker 5: It's not meant to be, so I guess I'm meant

1349
01:06:07,360 --> 01:06:07,960
Speaker 5: to be alone.

1350
01:06:08,160 --> 01:06:10,840
Speaker 1: Yeah. I know how to set boundaries, but I also

1351
01:06:10,920 --> 01:06:13,680
Speaker 1: know how and when to be vulnerable. I also know

1352
01:06:13,800 --> 01:06:15,840
Speaker 1: when something isn't for me and when to end it.

1353
01:06:16,080 --> 01:06:19,200
Speaker 1: I don't obsess over the potential of somebody. I focus

1354
01:06:19,240 --> 01:06:21,480
Speaker 1: on what they have to offer currently. I like to

1355
01:06:21,480 --> 01:06:25,080
Speaker 1: think of myself as somebody who is outgoing, extroverted, and

1356
01:06:25,120 --> 01:06:28,360
Speaker 1: I love being around people and meeting them organically. I've

1357
01:06:28,400 --> 01:06:31,160
Speaker 1: never done dating apps, and I don't think I ever will.

1358
01:06:31,720 --> 01:06:34,720
Speaker 1: Why is this happening to me? Am I doing something wrong?

1359
01:06:35,200 --> 01:06:37,720
Speaker 1: My friends tell me they have the same problems with men.

1360
01:06:37,800 --> 01:06:39,840
Speaker 1: But my girlfriends say they wish they could nip it

1361
01:06:39,880 --> 01:06:42,600
Speaker 1: in the bud quickly like I do. Instead they get

1362
01:06:42,640 --> 01:06:45,680
Speaker 1: strung along and get hurt. Am I just a magnet

1363
01:06:45,720 --> 01:06:46,640
Speaker 1: for these types of men?

1364
01:06:47,040 --> 01:06:47,520
Speaker 2: Aha?

1365
01:06:47,520 --> 01:06:50,240
Speaker 1: Which I feel like you guys already answered.

1366
01:06:50,280 --> 01:06:51,840
Speaker 9: We covered a lot of it, but I want to

1367
01:06:51,880 --> 01:06:53,840
Speaker 9: cover them meaning organically.

1368
01:06:54,240 --> 01:06:57,800
Speaker 10: So we grow food in a community garden. So in

1369
01:06:57,800 --> 01:06:59,160
Speaker 10: a community garden, we get.

1370
01:06:59,080 --> 01:07:01,280
Speaker 9: A lot of what we call volunteers, and something just

1371
01:07:01,360 --> 01:07:04,560
Speaker 9: starts growing, but usually a volunteerism. And so right now,

1372
01:07:05,040 --> 01:07:09,080
Speaker 9: dating organically all you're getting your And so maybe you

1373
01:07:09,080 --> 01:07:11,680
Speaker 9: want to actually buy some seeds and plant something on purpose.

1374
01:07:11,760 --> 01:07:13,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's the end of the story. We're going

1375
01:07:14,000 --> 01:07:16,800
Speaker 1: to go on to the next one. My divorce scared

1376
01:07:16,840 --> 01:07:20,200
Speaker 1: me so much I ruined my second chance at love.

1377
01:07:20,320 --> 01:07:22,480
Speaker 7: Well, you get more than two chances, that's true.

1378
01:07:22,640 --> 01:07:26,560
Speaker 1: I forty one male divorced my thirty eight female wife

1379
01:07:26,640 --> 01:07:31,200
Speaker 1: after over a decade of marriage. The VID exacerbated the

1380
01:07:31,240 --> 01:07:34,760
Speaker 1: marital problems. We grew apart, and my ex wife told

1381
01:07:34,760 --> 01:07:36,840
Speaker 1: me she didn't love me anymore. ET cetera, et cetera.

1382
01:07:37,240 --> 01:07:39,760
Speaker 1: No matter what I or we tried, it was a

1383
01:07:39,800 --> 01:07:43,320
Speaker 1: four year slow motion train wreck, a common tale of

1384
01:07:43,360 --> 01:07:46,800
Speaker 1: a good fun marriage, then gradually accelerated towards the abyss.

1385
01:07:47,240 --> 01:07:51,800
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from Throwaway LKJLKJ and if

1386
01:07:51,800 --> 01:07:53,120
Speaker 1: you want to spit your own stories, go to the

1387
01:07:53,200 --> 01:07:54,800
Speaker 1: r slash Okay storytime suppered it.

1388
01:07:55,080 --> 01:07:57,080
Speaker 3: I'm Sophia, I'm Matthew Walters.

1389
01:07:57,200 --> 01:08:01,680
Speaker 9: Hi everybody, I'm Orna Walters, and we are holistic dating coaches,

1390
01:08:01,920 --> 01:08:05,400
Speaker 9: authors of getting it right this time, break free from

1391
01:08:05,400 --> 01:08:07,280
Speaker 9: your hidden blocks to lasting love.

1392
01:08:07,240 --> 01:08:09,440
Speaker 7: And the founders of creating love on Purpose.

1393
01:08:09,600 --> 01:08:11,680
Speaker 1: And thank you so much for joining us. Matthew and

1394
01:08:11,760 --> 01:08:14,440
Speaker 1: Orna are going to help us read some stories and

1395
01:08:14,600 --> 01:08:17,720
Speaker 1: give some advice, and we're going to get into this one.

1396
01:08:17,880 --> 01:08:21,400
Speaker 1: So OP sets fast forward a year and I started

1397
01:08:21,439 --> 01:08:24,200
Speaker 1: dating again. I used the online apps because everyone I

1398
01:08:24,280 --> 01:08:27,320
Speaker 1: knew was basically married with kids, met a lot of

1399
01:08:27,320 --> 01:08:29,679
Speaker 1: women and had a lot of fun. But I didn't

1400
01:08:29,720 --> 01:08:32,840
Speaker 1: really enjoy the casual scene. I want to actually care

1401
01:08:32,880 --> 01:08:35,240
Speaker 1: about my partner. Not sure if this is strange for

1402
01:08:35,280 --> 01:08:35,679
Speaker 1: a guy.

1403
01:08:36,600 --> 01:08:39,200
Speaker 7: No, not strange, pretty normal.

1404
01:08:39,400 --> 01:08:41,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, It's like I don't know if it's a little

1405
01:08:41,240 --> 01:08:43,599
Speaker 1: quirky of me, but I actually want to care for

1406
01:08:43,640 --> 01:08:44,200
Speaker 1: my partner.

1407
01:08:44,439 --> 01:08:47,439
Speaker 2: Am I the only man on earth? Kids?

1408
01:08:49,800 --> 01:08:50,280
Speaker 4: A man?

1409
01:08:51,320 --> 01:08:53,240
Speaker 10: They should have checked out his bill.

1410
01:08:58,000 --> 01:08:58,880
Speaker 7: Check us test Ostria.

1411
01:08:58,960 --> 01:09:04,479
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm met a wonderful, beautiful woman, thirty six female

1412
01:09:04,720 --> 01:09:08,439
Speaker 1: and it turns from the situationship phase to exclusive in

1413
01:09:08,560 --> 01:09:11,840
Speaker 1: a few months. She's gotta be rare, even her mom

1414
01:09:11,960 --> 01:09:12,519
Speaker 1: is still fiting.

1415
01:09:12,560 --> 01:09:13,799
Speaker 7: Maybe like a rare breed.

1416
01:09:14,160 --> 01:09:15,679
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe that's what you're trying to say.

1417
01:09:16,360 --> 01:09:17,719
Speaker 7: Now he's talking about Jennets.

1418
01:09:17,840 --> 01:09:23,920
Speaker 1: Yeah. She loves the same things I do, surfing, mountain biking, skating, climbing.

1419
01:09:24,360 --> 01:09:26,280
Speaker 1: She overcame her fear of heights to climb with me

1420
01:09:26,400 --> 01:09:30,719
Speaker 1: indoors and out. Climbing is great, relaxed lifestyle, video games,

1421
01:09:30,760 --> 01:09:34,439
Speaker 1: similar movies, and music, et cetera. For nine months, we

1422
01:09:34,600 --> 01:09:38,960
Speaker 1: laughed together, cooked together, camped together. We loved to make

1423
01:09:39,080 --> 01:09:43,120
Speaker 1: love with each other. The spicy sleep was intense, athletic, sensual,

1424
01:09:43,200 --> 01:09:45,280
Speaker 1: APIs fire athletic.

1425
01:09:46,360 --> 01:09:48,680
Speaker 11: They're doing what are you guys playing basketball at the

1426
01:09:48,720 --> 01:09:53,920
Speaker 11: same time. They're doing it while they climb at a plank. Yeah,

1427
01:09:54,720 --> 01:09:59,800
Speaker 11: what is it acro yoga or is it hot yoga?

1428
01:10:00,479 --> 01:10:00,639
Speaker 7: Now?

1429
01:10:00,720 --> 01:10:01,360
Speaker 2: It is.

1430
01:10:03,080 --> 01:10:06,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, she wanted me, and I wanted her. Don't get

1431
01:10:06,280 --> 01:10:09,200
Speaker 1: me wrong, No one's perfect. Everyone has a history and

1432
01:10:09,280 --> 01:10:13,040
Speaker 1: baggage at our ages and we handled it okay. She

1433
01:10:13,160 --> 01:10:16,040
Speaker 1: told me she eventually wants kids, a marriage, a house,

1434
01:10:16,360 --> 01:10:19,479
Speaker 1: the normal dream. I had those already in my marriage

1435
01:10:19,520 --> 01:10:21,680
Speaker 1: and lost them, but still have to pay for it.

1436
01:10:22,400 --> 01:10:24,960
Speaker 1: I was afraid, and I started thinking about if I

1437
01:10:25,000 --> 01:10:29,240
Speaker 1: should keep pursuing this new relationship. My logical brain kicked in.

1438
01:10:29,640 --> 01:10:32,799
Speaker 1: I started thinking about divorce rates at fifty plus percent.

1439
01:10:33,400 --> 01:10:35,559
Speaker 1: I looked at all the married couples. I know how

1440
01:10:35,640 --> 01:10:38,760
Speaker 1: many are happy? How many men still get laid after

1441
01:10:38,840 --> 01:10:41,519
Speaker 1: a few years of marriage. Out of kids from zero

1442
01:10:41,600 --> 01:10:44,840
Speaker 1: to six affect the romance in a marriage. The anecdotal

1443
01:10:44,920 --> 01:10:49,599
Speaker 1: and scientific evidence points heavily to unhappiness in marriage, especially

1444
01:10:49,680 --> 01:10:52,599
Speaker 1: my history. I told her I wanted what we had

1445
01:10:52,760 --> 01:10:55,519
Speaker 1: and nothing more. So it sounds like you're like a

1446
01:10:55,560 --> 01:10:56,000
Speaker 1: lot of men.

1447
01:10:56,120 --> 01:11:00,559
Speaker 7: Actually obviously, wow, I found the perfect woman. He screwed

1448
01:11:00,600 --> 01:11:00,880
Speaker 7: this up?

1449
01:11:01,040 --> 01:11:05,880
Speaker 1: Literally, I like, man, I care, actually not so much.

1450
01:11:06,680 --> 01:11:08,679
Speaker 1: I don't know about this. I didn't want to waste

1451
01:11:08,720 --> 01:11:12,920
Speaker 1: her time. Women's clocks are ticking at this age, so

1452
01:11:13,080 --> 01:11:15,000
Speaker 1: I told her she has to find somebody that wants

1453
01:11:15,040 --> 01:11:17,680
Speaker 1: to be a good husband and father. Fast forward two

1454
01:11:17,720 --> 01:11:20,880
Speaker 1: weeks and I'm a wreck. I'm lonely, so I go

1455
01:11:20,960 --> 01:11:22,599
Speaker 1: on a few dates, but the women I meet are

1456
01:11:22,680 --> 01:11:26,200
Speaker 1: meaningless to me. Buddies and families help, but that's different.

1457
01:11:26,840 --> 01:11:29,519
Speaker 1: Yesterday I met with my ex girlfriend to exchange the

1458
01:11:29,640 --> 01:11:31,680
Speaker 1: last of our stuff we found at each other's home.

1459
01:11:32,320 --> 01:11:34,240
Speaker 1: We met at a local lake and sat on the

1460
01:11:34,280 --> 01:11:36,800
Speaker 1: beach and talked. She said she didn't want to leave.

1461
01:11:37,240 --> 01:11:39,000
Speaker 1: I didn't want to leave either, so we just sat

1462
01:11:39,080 --> 01:11:41,519
Speaker 1: there for a long while while the sun went down.

1463
01:11:42,280 --> 01:11:44,439
Speaker 1: Then I drove her home and bit my lips so

1464
01:11:44,520 --> 01:11:46,880
Speaker 1: I wouldn't lose it. You didn't feel like keeping in

1465
01:11:47,000 --> 01:11:50,080
Speaker 1: contact because it hurts too much, and she doesn't want

1466
01:11:50,120 --> 01:11:52,439
Speaker 1: to have hope that we get back together. We had

1467
01:11:52,479 --> 01:11:55,600
Speaker 1: a trip planned ooh, and both bought tickets to go

1468
01:11:55,720 --> 01:11:58,360
Speaker 1: surfing in December. I'm not going to cancel them, and

1469
01:11:58,439 --> 01:12:01,280
Speaker 1: I doubt she will either, since they were pretty expensive.

1470
01:12:01,960 --> 01:12:05,080
Speaker 1: I'm thinking maybe time apart helps us clarify if what

1471
01:12:05,240 --> 01:12:08,920
Speaker 1: we had was real, and compromises can be made on

1472
01:12:09,120 --> 01:12:12,479
Speaker 1: the relationship and that's the end of the story.

1473
01:12:12,800 --> 01:12:17,800
Speaker 5: What compromises can't be made on a relationship because compromises

1474
01:12:18,000 --> 01:12:22,000
Speaker 5: lead both of you disappointed, lead both of you not

1475
01:12:22,160 --> 01:12:25,400
Speaker 5: getting what you want, and nobody wants that. You want

1476
01:12:25,439 --> 01:12:27,920
Speaker 5: to create a win win. He's like, well, maybe we

1477
01:12:28,000 --> 01:12:30,880
Speaker 5: can find it lose lose that we both accept, right. No,

1478
01:12:31,600 --> 01:12:34,040
Speaker 5: the thing is the hardest thing in the world to

1479
01:12:34,080 --> 01:12:38,360
Speaker 5: do sometimes to say, you know what, I made a mistake. Yeah,

1480
01:12:38,600 --> 01:12:40,880
Speaker 5: I let my fear of what happened to my last

1481
01:12:40,960 --> 01:12:43,600
Speaker 5: relationship get in the way of what could happen in

1482
01:12:43,680 --> 01:12:47,479
Speaker 5: this relationship. And in these last two weeks I realized

1483
01:12:47,800 --> 01:12:49,639
Speaker 5: how much I miss you and how much I want

1484
01:12:49,680 --> 01:12:51,640
Speaker 5: to be with you. I want to figure out how

1485
01:12:51,680 --> 01:12:54,200
Speaker 5: to make this work. How hard would that have been?

1486
01:12:54,479 --> 01:12:54,719
Speaker 6: Yeah?

1487
01:12:54,960 --> 01:12:55,120
Speaker 2: Right?

1488
01:12:55,520 --> 01:12:57,800
Speaker 7: And she already said she was on board with that.

1489
01:12:58,120 --> 01:13:00,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, she seemed like she still want I mean, he

1490
01:13:00,240 --> 01:13:03,040
Speaker 1: was the one who I think started that break. Yeah, process, he.

1491
01:13:03,800 --> 01:13:05,879
Speaker 7: Ran the whole thing right, he started.

1492
01:13:05,960 --> 01:13:09,080
Speaker 5: He started mentally getting in his own way, created all

1493
01:13:09,120 --> 01:13:11,680
Speaker 5: the evidence for why it wouldn't work, and then is

1494
01:13:11,840 --> 01:13:14,560
Speaker 5: rationalizing why he shouldn't pursue it.

1495
01:13:14,800 --> 01:13:15,000
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1496
01:13:15,080 --> 01:13:17,200
Speaker 10: I don't think that he wants those things.

1497
01:13:17,320 --> 01:13:21,680
Speaker 9: I don't I think And the compatibility on the companionship

1498
01:13:21,960 --> 01:13:25,400
Speaker 9: was great, and so he's you know, oh, the beginning,

1499
01:13:25,920 --> 01:13:28,639
Speaker 9: the beginning set up the end. So he started with, oh,

1500
01:13:28,720 --> 01:13:31,720
Speaker 9: I want to care for my partner, but he doesn't want.

1501
01:13:32,439 --> 01:13:34,400
Speaker 9: What he didn't say is I want to find a

1502
01:13:34,439 --> 01:13:36,360
Speaker 9: partner who wants the same things in life that I do.

1503
01:13:37,040 --> 01:13:39,479
Speaker 9: And so I think the compassionate thing to do is

1504
01:13:40,720 --> 01:13:43,920
Speaker 9: don't like it is not his job to reach out

1505
01:13:44,000 --> 01:13:46,400
Speaker 9: to that, you know what I mean? Like, well, like,

1506
01:13:46,600 --> 01:13:49,240
Speaker 9: let this person go to heal her heart and find

1507
01:13:49,280 --> 01:13:51,519
Speaker 9: the right person who wants the same things that she does.

1508
01:13:52,280 --> 01:13:55,200
Speaker 9: Because if he's asking her to compromise on having kids,

1509
01:13:55,280 --> 01:13:57,599
Speaker 9: that's not that's not a compromise you can make because

1510
01:13:57,600 --> 01:14:01,360
Speaker 9: you're not sharing the same values. And it is important

1511
01:14:01,800 --> 01:14:04,479
Speaker 9: again if you're going to talk yourself out of it.

1512
01:14:05,200 --> 01:14:08,320
Speaker 9: He's not using his past experience to say, I have

1513
01:14:08,560 --> 01:14:11,519
Speaker 9: the experience of why it didn't work, and now I

1514
01:14:11,640 --> 01:14:14,639
Speaker 9: have the experience to not let that happen again. Right,

1515
01:14:14,800 --> 01:14:16,720
Speaker 9: that's what we learn. What do we get when we

1516
01:14:16,840 --> 01:14:21,400
Speaker 9: don't get what we wanted? Experience, knowledge, He doesn't want

1517
01:14:21,439 --> 01:14:23,600
Speaker 9: to take the knowledge and experience to go, let me

1518
01:14:23,720 --> 01:14:25,560
Speaker 9: look at myself to make sure I don't do this

1519
01:14:25,680 --> 01:14:26,759
Speaker 9: again again.

1520
01:14:26,880 --> 01:14:28,200
Speaker 10: He's not looking in the mirror.

1521
01:14:28,640 --> 01:14:33,240
Speaker 9: He's saying, maybe she'll miss me enough to compromise on

1522
01:14:33,479 --> 01:14:36,320
Speaker 9: these things that she wants that I don't, so we

1523
01:14:36,400 --> 01:14:38,879
Speaker 9: can need in this mediocre middle and have a mediocre

1524
01:14:39,000 --> 01:14:42,040
Speaker 9: relationship where we both aren't getting the things we really need.

1525
01:14:42,800 --> 01:14:46,200
Speaker 9: So it's the difference again. You cannot compromise on needs.

1526
01:14:46,439 --> 01:14:48,200
Speaker 9: You can only compromise on one.

1527
01:14:48,200 --> 01:14:50,559
Speaker 1: Absolutely, And that's the end of the story. We're going

1528
01:14:50,640 --> 01:14:53,320
Speaker 1: to go on to the next one. Hey, it's Angie,

1529
01:14:53,439 --> 01:14:57,479
Speaker 1: your favorite fake redhead host here, and we're going to

1530
01:14:57,520 --> 01:14:59,639
Speaker 1: get back to the stories. But here's a three minute

1531
01:15:00,080 --> 01:15:04,240
Speaker 1: break from our sponsors. I spent my whole life avoiding rejection.

1532
01:15:04,840 --> 01:15:06,960
Speaker 1: Now I've never been loved.

1533
01:15:06,880 --> 01:15:07,600
Speaker 7: You succeeded.

1534
01:15:08,400 --> 01:15:10,920
Speaker 1: I'm a forty year old guy who's never been in

1535
01:15:11,040 --> 01:15:14,160
Speaker 1: a romantic relationship. Is isn't this just a movie with

1536
01:15:14,200 --> 01:15:18,320
Speaker 1: Steve Carell. I think he's perfectly gas for that to start.

1537
01:15:18,439 --> 01:15:20,320
Speaker 1: I'm not the best looking guy in the world, but

1538
01:15:20,400 --> 01:15:24,000
Speaker 1: I don't think i'm ugly either. I consider myself well groomed.

1539
01:15:24,160 --> 01:15:26,879
Speaker 1: I've worked out pretty religiously since I was around eighteen.

1540
01:15:27,520 --> 01:15:30,240
Speaker 1: And while I'm not cutting edge, sheeh by any means

1541
01:15:30,720 --> 01:15:33,040
Speaker 1: I buy and wear nice enough clothes. I have a

1542
01:15:33,080 --> 01:15:36,519
Speaker 1: decent job and make a decent living too. Not rich,

1543
01:15:36,680 --> 01:15:38,599
Speaker 1: but I do all right. I also have a small

1544
01:15:38,760 --> 01:15:42,479
Speaker 1: but tight circle of friends outside of romance. I'd consider

1545
01:15:42,560 --> 01:15:45,720
Speaker 1: myself pretty normal when it comes to socializing. Really. By

1546
01:15:45,760 --> 01:15:47,760
Speaker 1: the way, this comes from right at home, and if

1547
01:15:47,760 --> 01:15:49,160
Speaker 1: you want to spend your own stories, go to the

1548
01:15:49,280 --> 01:15:53,280
Speaker 1: r slash okay storytime subreddit. I'm Sophia and we've got

1549
01:15:53,600 --> 01:15:55,040
Speaker 1: two guests here with us today.

1550
01:15:55,320 --> 01:15:55,960
Speaker 10: Hi, everybuddy.

1551
01:15:56,000 --> 01:15:59,000
Speaker 5: I'm Orna Walters and I'm Matthew Walters, and we're the

1552
01:15:59,120 --> 01:16:02,160
Speaker 5: authors of adding It Right this Time, Break Free from

1553
01:16:02,200 --> 01:16:03,799
Speaker 5: your Hidden Blocks to Lasting Love.

1554
01:16:03,840 --> 01:16:06,840
Speaker 10: And we're also the co founders of creating Love on

1555
01:16:07,040 --> 01:16:08,000
Speaker 10: purpose dot com.

1556
01:16:08,240 --> 01:16:10,080
Speaker 1: Thank you, and Matthew and Orna are going to help

1557
01:16:10,160 --> 01:16:12,880
Speaker 1: us read some stories and give some advice, and we

1558
01:16:12,960 --> 01:16:13,760
Speaker 1: also have to go to here.

1559
01:16:14,680 --> 01:16:16,360
Speaker 3: Hi and op sex.

1560
01:16:17,080 --> 01:16:20,320
Speaker 1: I think my biggest problems are I'm introverted, have a

1561
01:16:20,560 --> 01:16:23,479
Speaker 1: generally low self esteem for most of my life, and

1562
01:16:23,600 --> 01:16:26,120
Speaker 1: I'm just kind of boring. I'm a pretty big nerd too.

1563
01:16:26,760 --> 01:16:29,560
Speaker 1: Even at forty, I still enjoy playing video games and

1564
01:16:29,680 --> 01:16:32,639
Speaker 1: watching anime. I also read a fair amount and write

1565
01:16:32,680 --> 01:16:35,080
Speaker 1: as a hobby, and I aspire to become a published

1566
01:16:35,120 --> 01:16:39,360
Speaker 1: author someday. Oh yeah, not exactly the most social or

1567
01:16:39,479 --> 01:16:42,600
Speaker 1: interesting guy. I guess. I'd also add that I just

1568
01:16:42,640 --> 01:16:44,679
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm up for the competition that I've

1569
01:16:44,680 --> 01:16:47,200
Speaker 1: come to think of dating hats. What I mean is,

1570
01:16:47,400 --> 01:16:49,560
Speaker 1: when I was younger, I had my fair share of

1571
01:16:49,640 --> 01:16:53,000
Speaker 1: opportunities to date. There were girls that I liked, got

1572
01:16:53,000 --> 01:16:56,200
Speaker 1: along with, and pursued to a point, but what always

1573
01:16:56,280 --> 01:16:59,240
Speaker 1: happened was some other guy would come into the picture,

1574
01:17:00,000 --> 01:17:02,880
Speaker 1: so that point I would just defer. I was just

1575
01:17:03,040 --> 01:17:06,599
Speaker 1: never up providing for a girl's attention against somebody else.

1576
01:17:07,200 --> 01:17:09,559
Speaker 1: I guess sometimes I felt that I didn't deserve them,

1577
01:17:09,760 --> 01:17:11,720
Speaker 1: that they would probably be better off with the other

1578
01:17:11,800 --> 01:17:15,599
Speaker 1: guy anyway. Again low self esteem. But at other times

1579
01:17:15,640 --> 01:17:17,639
Speaker 1: I admit that I just didn't want to be bothered.

1580
01:17:18,080 --> 01:17:20,200
Speaker 1: I always felt that if a girl really liked me,

1581
01:17:20,800 --> 01:17:24,040
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have to compete and pursue, that they would

1582
01:17:24,120 --> 01:17:26,040
Speaker 1: choose to hang out with me over the other guy.

1583
01:17:26,600 --> 01:17:29,479
Speaker 1: It never shook out that way, though, So now here

1584
01:17:29,560 --> 01:17:33,280
Speaker 1: I am at forty, lacking inexperience in pretty much every

1585
01:17:33,400 --> 01:17:37,479
Speaker 1: way imaginable, with regards to romance and women, and while

1586
01:17:37,520 --> 01:17:39,759
Speaker 1: I sort of want to give dating a genuine shot,

1587
01:17:40,280 --> 01:17:43,080
Speaker 1: I'm also unsure if I'm even up for it. I've

1588
01:17:43,160 --> 01:17:45,560
Speaker 1: looked at online dating sites before, and I've come to

1589
01:17:45,600 --> 01:17:48,280
Speaker 1: the conclusion that it's just not for me. It just

1590
01:17:48,360 --> 01:17:51,880
Speaker 1: seems too competitive for an introvert like myself, so that

1591
01:17:52,080 --> 01:17:55,320
Speaker 1: leaves meeting people through friends and family and dry approaches.

1592
01:17:56,000 --> 01:17:58,639
Speaker 1: Problem is, all of my friends are married, some more

1593
01:17:58,680 --> 01:18:00,760
Speaker 1: than once at this point, and they don't really know

1594
01:18:00,880 --> 01:18:04,120
Speaker 1: any more single women than I do. As for dry approaches,

1595
01:18:04,200 --> 01:18:07,360
Speaker 1: my lack of experience is already a hindrance, but it's

1596
01:18:07,400 --> 01:18:09,560
Speaker 1: made worse by the fact that I really don't go

1597
01:18:09,640 --> 01:18:13,120
Speaker 1: anywhere except work and the grocery. I work out at

1598
01:18:13,160 --> 01:18:15,360
Speaker 1: home too, but I've heard Jim's are a no go

1599
01:18:15,560 --> 01:18:18,559
Speaker 1: zone when it comes to approaching women. Anyway, I'm sure

1600
01:18:18,600 --> 01:18:20,719
Speaker 1: you can see by now that I'm kind of hopeless.

1601
01:18:21,479 --> 01:18:23,320
Speaker 1: I really don't even know where to begin as far

1602
01:18:23,360 --> 01:18:26,479
Speaker 1: as improving my dating skills goes. As I said, I

1603
01:18:26,640 --> 01:18:29,160
Speaker 1: like to read so naturally, me being me, I bought

1604
01:18:29,160 --> 01:18:32,759
Speaker 1: a copy of the Game by Neil Straus and planned

1605
01:18:32,760 --> 01:18:34,840
Speaker 1: to see if any of the info in there can help,

1606
01:18:35,120 --> 01:18:37,479
Speaker 1: but it seems like it may be geared more toward

1607
01:18:37,520 --> 01:18:39,280
Speaker 1: a younger audience than I.

1608
01:18:39,760 --> 01:18:40,000
Speaker 7: Wow.

1609
01:18:40,200 --> 01:18:43,479
Speaker 5: I mean, yeah, this guy's really kind of built himself

1610
01:18:43,520 --> 01:18:46,880
Speaker 5: a little cage that he's very comfortable in, and I

1611
01:18:47,040 --> 01:18:50,280
Speaker 5: get that, you know, he is justified it through lack

1612
01:18:50,320 --> 01:18:52,880
Speaker 5: of self esteem and not a lot of confidence. But

1613
01:18:53,600 --> 01:18:58,080
Speaker 5: confidence doesn't come by waiting around for confidence. Confidence comes

1614
01:18:58,120 --> 01:19:01,960
Speaker 5: by going out and trying things, failing and then trying

1615
01:19:02,000 --> 01:19:06,240
Speaker 5: again and failing, and then trying again and succeeding. Right,

1616
01:19:06,560 --> 01:19:08,000
Speaker 5: That's how you gain confidence.

1617
01:19:08,720 --> 01:19:08,880
Speaker 6: You know.

1618
01:19:09,080 --> 01:19:13,599
Speaker 5: Some people are naturally more confident than others, are naturally

1619
01:19:13,760 --> 01:19:19,400
Speaker 5: more extroverted than others, but none of those are inherently

1620
01:19:19,479 --> 01:19:21,440
Speaker 5: a reason not to find a relationship.

1621
01:19:22,479 --> 01:19:23,800
Speaker 10: I find this so fascinating.

1622
01:19:23,880 --> 01:19:27,719
Speaker 9: We hear a lot about the women who have themselves

1623
01:19:27,720 --> 01:19:30,760
Speaker 9: secluded up in the castle tower and expecting some guy

1624
01:19:31,080 --> 01:19:33,120
Speaker 9: to not just you know, get through the mode of

1625
01:19:33,200 --> 01:19:35,679
Speaker 9: alligators and break the castle door down and then figure

1626
01:19:35,680 --> 01:19:38,040
Speaker 9: out which the tower she's in and then find her,

1627
01:19:38,320 --> 01:19:38,479
Speaker 9: you know.

1628
01:19:38,880 --> 01:19:40,920
Speaker 10: And this guy's got himself locked in the tower, and.

1629
01:19:40,960 --> 01:19:43,960
Speaker 9: He's expecting a woman to do all that, swim through

1630
01:19:44,000 --> 01:19:47,400
Speaker 9: the mode of alligators and to get the she is

1631
01:19:47,479 --> 01:19:48,400
Speaker 9: not even equipped.

1632
01:19:48,720 --> 01:19:48,840
Speaker 2: Right.

1633
01:19:49,520 --> 01:19:53,280
Speaker 9: So the reality is is this idea of being afraid

1634
01:19:53,400 --> 01:19:57,880
Speaker 9: of rejection is actually a self rejection problem. So the

1635
01:19:58,000 --> 01:20:00,000
Speaker 9: rejection is actually coming from the inside.

1636
01:20:00,280 --> 01:20:03,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean he said he's hoping, right, yeah's coming

1637
01:20:03,800 --> 01:20:04,840
Speaker 1: from inside the house.

1638
01:20:04,920 --> 01:20:05,080
Speaker 11: Yeah.

1639
01:20:05,560 --> 01:20:10,679
Speaker 5: He's spent a lot of time explaining his external physical appearance,

1640
01:20:10,760 --> 01:20:15,160
Speaker 5: his external circumstances, his skills right in the since his resume.

1641
01:20:15,439 --> 01:20:18,280
Speaker 7: But what's not on his resume, which is what the

1642
01:20:18,400 --> 01:20:19,280
Speaker 7: honest most.

1643
01:20:19,160 --> 01:20:23,480
Speaker 5: Women will tell you they're looking for, is emotional awareness

1644
01:20:23,720 --> 01:20:27,559
Speaker 5: and emotional availability. That's the thing he's There's no mention

1645
01:20:27,720 --> 01:20:30,679
Speaker 5: of that in there. The only where he talks about

1646
01:20:30,720 --> 01:20:35,800
Speaker 5: it is is anytime he feels any competition, he withdraws.

1647
01:20:36,560 --> 01:20:40,320
Speaker 5: And so he's presenting as emotionally unavailable yet not emotionally

1648
01:20:40,400 --> 01:20:42,120
Speaker 5: unavailable in an interesting way.

1649
01:20:42,360 --> 01:20:44,760
Speaker 1: Now, And it does seem like he's very I don't know,

1650
01:20:44,840 --> 01:20:47,200
Speaker 1: he talks. He talks down about himself a lot, like

1651
01:20:47,240 --> 01:20:50,160
Speaker 1: he was saying, I'm boring and stuff, And I think

1652
01:20:50,280 --> 01:20:53,760
Speaker 1: that is for a I mean for myself, and I'm

1653
01:20:54,120 --> 01:20:57,720
Speaker 1: sure other people very unattractive quality. And I feel like

1654
01:20:57,800 --> 01:21:00,880
Speaker 1: you have to you can't sell yourself short before you

1655
01:21:01,080 --> 01:21:01,240
Speaker 1: you know.

1656
01:21:01,960 --> 01:21:04,120
Speaker 7: I mean to say, there's a wid for every pot.

1657
01:21:04,320 --> 01:21:07,040
Speaker 9: There is absolutely a lid for every pot. And as

1658
01:21:07,120 --> 01:21:10,160
Speaker 9: a senior Swift, ye, I'm gonna make another Taylor Swift reference.

1659
01:21:10,200 --> 01:21:12,240
Speaker 9: I also want to tell this guy and everybody else

1660
01:21:12,280 --> 01:21:14,560
Speaker 9: who's looking for love, who feels like they're boring or

1661
01:21:14,640 --> 01:21:17,240
Speaker 9: they don't have confidence or whatever is go watch the

1662
01:21:17,320 --> 01:21:21,080
Speaker 9: opal Lite video. It's Taylor Swift's latest video. I don't

1663
01:21:21,160 --> 01:21:23,280
Speaker 9: get any plug from Taylor for this. I just think

1664
01:21:23,360 --> 01:21:28,000
Speaker 9: she's amazing. She's a brilliant lyricist and songwriter and business

1665
01:21:28,080 --> 01:21:30,200
Speaker 9: person and I have so much respect for her. But

1666
01:21:30,600 --> 01:21:34,240
Speaker 9: I mean, the video itself proves the point we've been

1667
01:21:34,320 --> 01:21:36,240
Speaker 9: making over and over and over again is that there

1668
01:21:36,360 --> 01:21:39,960
Speaker 9: is a lid for every pot, and it doesn't mean

1669
01:21:40,760 --> 01:21:42,560
Speaker 9: like I think when we talk about the leader and

1670
01:21:42,640 --> 01:21:44,880
Speaker 9: the responder. I want to give people an image about

1671
01:21:44,880 --> 01:21:46,800
Speaker 9: what we mean about that. So, if you've ever seen

1672
01:21:46,880 --> 01:21:50,280
Speaker 9: two ballroom dancers or any kind of partner dancing, one

1673
01:21:50,360 --> 01:21:53,479
Speaker 9: person is leading in the dance and the other is

1674
01:21:53,640 --> 01:21:56,679
Speaker 9: responding in the dance. And if both people are trying

1675
01:21:56,720 --> 01:21:58,960
Speaker 9: to lead, you're now in a pirate struggle. If both

1676
01:21:59,000 --> 01:22:01,320
Speaker 9: people are responding, you don't have a dance. You're stepping

1677
01:22:01,360 --> 01:22:03,639
Speaker 9: on each other. So it's a mess. So one person

1678
01:22:03,720 --> 01:22:05,840
Speaker 9: has to be leading while the other responds. And so

1679
01:22:05,920 --> 01:22:08,639
Speaker 9: when you think of the dance of dating and mating

1680
01:22:08,800 --> 01:22:12,240
Speaker 9: in that same way, even though you may start with

1681
01:22:12,439 --> 01:22:15,640
Speaker 9: those dynamics, it doesn't mean that you're forever stuck in

1682
01:22:15,760 --> 01:22:19,080
Speaker 9: that dynamic because it becomes more fluid the longer you're

1683
01:22:19,160 --> 01:22:22,880
Speaker 9: with somebody. And so it's really important for people to

1684
01:22:23,000 --> 01:22:25,120
Speaker 9: understand the way you want to date, the way you

1685
01:22:25,200 --> 01:22:29,200
Speaker 9: want to mate. And so most women are making the

1686
01:22:29,320 --> 01:22:32,840
Speaker 9: mistake of coming out as the leader, going, well, you

1687
01:22:32,920 --> 01:22:35,160
Speaker 9: know it's twenty twenty six. I can do everything a

1688
01:22:35,240 --> 01:22:36,960
Speaker 9: man can do. And you know what, we believe in

1689
01:22:37,080 --> 01:22:40,080
Speaker 9: equal pay for women. And you know there's there isn't

1690
01:22:40,160 --> 01:22:42,360
Speaker 9: like feminine task and masculine tasks like working on the

1691
01:22:42,439 --> 01:22:45,160
Speaker 9: car is not masculine, and making dinner or doing the

1692
01:22:45,240 --> 01:22:47,280
Speaker 9: laundry is not feminine. You know, that's not what we're

1693
01:22:47,320 --> 01:22:51,840
Speaker 9: talking about. We're talking about the dynamic that makes the

1694
01:22:52,120 --> 01:22:56,599
Speaker 9: spicy sleep more fun, right, because in that there's also

1695
01:22:56,800 --> 01:22:59,559
Speaker 9: a leader and a responder. So we're bringing that into

1696
01:22:59,800 --> 01:23:02,719
Speaker 9: how the dynamic in which you move through the world together,

1697
01:23:03,400 --> 01:23:08,280
Speaker 9: and that most women are they don't feel satisfied in

1698
01:23:08,360 --> 01:23:11,559
Speaker 9: the leadership position in a relationship, so they may ask

1699
01:23:11,640 --> 01:23:14,120
Speaker 9: a guy out a few times and then they're like, oh,

1700
01:23:14,160 --> 01:23:15,599
Speaker 9: when is he going to step up for me? They're

1701
01:23:15,640 --> 01:23:18,600
Speaker 9: wanting it to change, and it won't. So that's what

1702
01:23:18,760 --> 01:23:21,880
Speaker 9: I really want to caution women about. And I want

1703
01:23:21,920 --> 01:23:24,240
Speaker 9: to say to this guy, like, step up. If you

1704
01:23:24,360 --> 01:23:26,160
Speaker 9: really want something, you would put in the offer.

1705
01:23:26,400 --> 01:23:29,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely great advice, And there's a little bit left

1706
01:23:29,439 --> 01:23:31,639
Speaker 1: of the story. I also have doubts if I'm even

1707
01:23:31,760 --> 01:23:34,600
Speaker 1: dating material. Oh just gets worse. I just worry that

1708
01:23:34,680 --> 01:23:36,519
Speaker 1: I'll put on all of this time and effort to

1709
01:23:36,560 --> 01:23:39,960
Speaker 1: meet someone, but even if I do, we'll never reciprocate

1710
01:23:40,040 --> 01:23:42,400
Speaker 1: in a lasting way because of what a late bloomer

1711
01:23:42,439 --> 01:23:44,880
Speaker 1: I am. I'm just kind of a bummer deep down.

1712
01:23:44,960 --> 01:23:47,240
Speaker 1: I really would still like to meet someone, fall in love,

1713
01:23:47,360 --> 01:23:49,600
Speaker 1: get married, and maybe even have a family of my

1714
01:23:49,720 --> 01:23:52,920
Speaker 1: own someday, which is why I'm here posting this. But

1715
01:23:53,040 --> 01:23:55,160
Speaker 1: I also fear that it's just too late now for

1716
01:23:55,240 --> 01:23:57,200
Speaker 1: any of that. At my age, it seems like all

1717
01:23:57,200 --> 01:23:59,439
Speaker 1: the good ones are already taken, which I realize is

1718
01:23:59,479 --> 01:24:03,040
Speaker 1: as much commentary on myself as anyone else. I always

1719
01:24:03,120 --> 01:24:06,080
Speaker 1: come back to wondering then if there's even any point

1720
01:24:06,200 --> 01:24:07,799
Speaker 1: in trying now, which.

1721
01:24:09,640 --> 01:24:13,679
Speaker 5: No, it's not like a little baby as they're learning

1722
01:24:13,760 --> 01:24:17,200
Speaker 5: how to walk, they stumble and fall down and go, oh,

1723
01:24:17,680 --> 01:24:19,400
Speaker 5: I guess I'm not supposed to walk.

1724
01:24:20,240 --> 01:24:21,920
Speaker 4: I came up trying.

1725
01:24:22,000 --> 01:24:24,240
Speaker 7: I guess I'll just crawl for the rest of my life.

1726
01:24:24,360 --> 01:24:27,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, And it feels like, oh, P's already given up,

1727
01:24:28,680 --> 01:24:31,880
Speaker 5: which is kind of sad because there's a lot going

1728
01:24:31,920 --> 01:24:34,680
Speaker 5: on there. I'm sure there's there's a person out there

1729
01:24:34,680 --> 01:24:37,720
Speaker 5: who'ld find him very interesting if he just would find

1730
01:24:37,800 --> 01:24:38,839
Speaker 5: himself interested.

1731
01:24:39,800 --> 01:24:43,200
Speaker 9: I'm sure there is a woman out there who would

1732
01:24:43,280 --> 01:24:47,640
Speaker 9: absolutely relate and they would click. And the lid for

1733
01:24:47,720 --> 01:24:50,040
Speaker 9: every pot thing is all. I keep coming back to that,

1734
01:24:50,160 --> 01:24:52,559
Speaker 9: if you're not willing to risk, it's not something you want.

1735
01:24:52,800 --> 01:24:53,000
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1736
01:24:53,160 --> 01:24:55,120
Speaker 9: I mean I wasn't willing to risk for a long time,

1737
01:24:55,240 --> 01:24:56,759
Speaker 9: and I was on my own, and then I realized,

1738
01:24:56,760 --> 01:24:58,200
Speaker 9: oh my god, I'm married to my work and I

1739
01:24:58,240 --> 01:24:59,880
Speaker 9: didn't want that to be my life. I decided the

1740
01:25:00,080 --> 01:25:03,320
Speaker 9: had to be something more, and I'm glad because I

1741
01:25:03,400 --> 01:25:04,120
Speaker 9: have a whole.

1742
01:25:04,000 --> 01:25:05,800
Speaker 2: Different life now. Yeah.

1743
01:25:06,080 --> 01:25:09,800
Speaker 1: Absolutely bored. Yeah, yeah, no, And I wish this guy

1744
01:25:10,040 --> 01:25:10,680
Speaker 1: the most of luck.

1745
01:25:10,760 --> 01:25:14,280
Speaker 10: I hope he realizes now love requires risk, absolutely, and

1746
01:25:14,560 --> 01:25:14,840
Speaker 10: that's the

1747
01:25:14,920 --> 01:25:15,479
Speaker 1: End of the story.