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Speaker 1: Am I the a hoole for not letting my son

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Speaker 1: go to his bio dad's one year sober ceremony just

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Speaker 1: so we can show off what a great daddy is?

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Speaker 1: What does he deserve some kind of metal for sobriety? Wow?

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Speaker 1: Never heard of that before? And as you shouldn't. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's that's true. That's a good thing. I shouldn't. This

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Speaker 1: is one of those stories. I feel like it could go.

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Speaker 1: It could go two ways. I twenty three female, have

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Speaker 1: a son three with a man twenty three male. Just recently,

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Speaker 1: his biodad asked for him to be at his one

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Speaker 1: year certificate ceremony. I expressed how uncomfortable I was going

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Speaker 1: with him, And I've asked multiple family members on their thoughts,

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Speaker 1: and they said that I'm being selfish for not allowing

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Speaker 1: my son to go.

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Speaker 2: So the biodad is the twenty three year old. She

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Speaker 2: just has a kid with him, but is not with

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Speaker 2: him right now yet.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So the man she's with right now is not

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Speaker 1: the father of the kid. The kids she's not with

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Speaker 1: the kid's dad anymore.

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Speaker 2: No, I don't know if she's with anyone right now.

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Speaker 2: She says a kid.

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Speaker 1: Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, okay, yep, that makes sense.

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Speaker 1: So a little backstory. I got pregnant with my son

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Speaker 1: twenty nineteen when I was nineteen years old. His biofather

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Speaker 1: that is early. That is early. His biofather was a

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Speaker 1: closeted alcoholic and hid it from me until the time

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Speaker 1: my son was born, and in twenty twenty I eventually

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Speaker 1: left him before my son was born and I moved

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Speaker 1: in with my parents. Everything went downhill from there. Since

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Speaker 1: the start of COVID, my parents were really strict with

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Speaker 1: COVID rules regarding holding my son. My son's biodad did

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Speaker 1: not like those rules, and that's when the yelling and

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Speaker 1: screaming at me would begin. In twenty twenty one, I

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Speaker 1: met someone else and moved out of my parents' house.

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Speaker 1: The original biodad and I have ended things a while ago,

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Speaker 1: and my current partner still helps me raise my son.

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Speaker 1: He does everything a dad is supposed to do. But

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Speaker 1: my son's biodad legally abandoned my son after starting to

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Speaker 1: drink and he started using substances. Legally abandoned.

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Speaker 2: I like that, Yeah, I guess do they sign the

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Speaker 2: paperwork just like, Hey, this is not my kid and

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Speaker 2: I'm literally abandoning you. I mean, so, have you legally abandoned?

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Speaker 2: Is that when you have to try to pay child support?

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Speaker 1: I'm guessing legally abandoning is basically completely waving your right

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Speaker 1: to the child kind of I would ade you still

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Speaker 1: have to pay child support. Probably, I don't know. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's probably like like if he came back and let

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Speaker 1: you specifically agree on not doing that. I think it's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I want to see him for the weekends. No, you've

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Speaker 1: waived your right as a dad. He as of last year,

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Speaker 1: went to a program to help him get his life together,

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Speaker 1: But anytime I have a conversation with him, he's only

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Speaker 1: wanting to talk about how much he misses being with

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Speaker 1: me and how much he regrets taking my love and

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Speaker 1: kindness for granted. I've tried to make ways for him

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Speaker 1: to build a relationship with my son without my son

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Speaker 1: getting confused, as my son does not understand that his

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Speaker 1: biodad is his dad, but he calls someone else dad.

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Speaker 1: I'm guessing her current partner. Hmmm, that's confusing for the kid. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it is right. He asked me to let my son

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Speaker 1: go to his ceremony to show off how great of

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Speaker 1: a dad he is when he knows nothing about my son.

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Speaker 2: So basically the biodad is like, hey, I'm a year

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Speaker 2: or sober. Let my son come so I can have

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Speaker 2: a relationship with him. But yeah, he waived his rights

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Speaker 2: as a parent. He legally abandoned.

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Speaker 1: Legally abandoning. I'm guessing that's waving the rights right, and

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Speaker 1: I'm guessing he's not paying child support. We don't know.

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Speaker 1: We don't know. He keeps telling me how great of

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Speaker 1: a dad he'll be and that he's worthy to be

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Speaker 1: in my son's life as a dad. His actions don't

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Speaker 1: allie with his words, and when I ask him how

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Speaker 1: he's going to back his words up to match his actions,

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Speaker 1: he just says the same thing of how he'll be

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Speaker 1: a great dad. I mean, a year sober is a step,

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Speaker 1: definitely a big step step. Yeah, there's definitely a lot

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Speaker 1: other stuff that needs to happen, but a year sober,

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Speaker 1: like I would look at that if I was the

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Speaker 1: mother and be like, hey, like, you know, there's there's

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Speaker 1: some progress here. It's totally a big step. And I

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Speaker 1: do think that a big step like that definitely deserves

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Speaker 1: some real, like, you know, a positive response that a

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Speaker 1: little token. Probably the challenge here is I guess the

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Speaker 1: trust has been broken of like having him as like

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Speaker 1: a father figure because he legally abandoned so and I

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Speaker 1: mean we know this much. Yeah, I'm sure there's more under.

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Speaker 2: This, probably a nice word, more that he's not doing

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Speaker 2: good and good and bad that we that we don't know.

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Speaker 1: I've recently told him that he can't just say he'll

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Speaker 1: be a dad. He needs to show me and not

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Speaker 1: tell me. And when he doesn't get his way, he

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Speaker 1: stops contact for months at a time.

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Speaker 2: Okay, bro, you're not ready, get the fuck out of here.

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Speaker 2: Throw your coin in a fucking ditch.

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Speaker 1: So am I the a hole for not letting my

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Speaker 1: son go to his biodad's one year certificate update? I

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Speaker 1: realized that I need to add some context here. My

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Speaker 1: son's biodad will only contact me when he wants to

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Speaker 1: be praised for being a dad. Yes, he got sober,

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Speaker 1: but he chooses not to be a part of my

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Speaker 1: son's life. He only wants to see him when he

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Speaker 1: knows he gets praise out of it. I've been raising

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Speaker 1: my son without my son's biodad since the day that

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Speaker 1: my son was born. When he doesn't get his way,

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Speaker 1: he stops responding, He stops communicating. Last time I had

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Speaker 1: contacted him in regards to the ceremony, he had wanted

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Speaker 1: his mom to take my son, and I was not

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Speaker 1: comfortable with that. My son does not know his grandma

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Speaker 1: very well, and we do try to get him to

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Speaker 1: know her, just our schedules don't always line up, as

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Speaker 1: I work and I go to school and she runs

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Speaker 1: her own business. And number two, he'll be around a

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Speaker 1: lot of people he doesn't know and would get overwhelmed.

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Speaker 1: And when I expressed how uncommfortable I was with that,

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Speaker 1: he stopped communicating. Only message I got from him was

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Speaker 1: have a blessed day. Previously, he hadn't texted me after

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Speaker 1: my son's third birthday, which was in April, and then

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Speaker 1: he didn't text me until before Father's Day with a

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Speaker 1: message saying how since his Father's Day? How is my

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Speaker 1: kid doing? He's never asked what my son is into,

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Speaker 1: what his likes are, his dislikes, how school's going for him.

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Speaker 1: My son is super smart, and I love being able

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Speaker 1: to brag about that. He never takes any interest unless

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Speaker 1: it's going to allow him to get praise for not

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Speaker 1: doing anything. Just simply claiming that he's a dad and

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Speaker 1: that's not what being a dad should be. He hasn't

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Speaker 1: changed just because he got sober. He's the same inconsistent

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Speaker 1: person that he was before he got sober. So am

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Speaker 1: I the ahole?

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Speaker 2: So basically the question is is she the a hole

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Speaker 2: for not allowing this biological dad who legally gave up

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Speaker 2: rights to the child from entering into the child's life. Yes,

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Speaker 2: And also on top of that, he's like not really

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Speaker 2: making an effort besides wanting praise for certain things.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it seems like he's like wanting to get back

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Speaker 1: with op now and he's kind of like, oh, hey,

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Speaker 1: like let me try to look good in her eyes

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Speaker 1: by like, yeah, doing things with He's not even really

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Speaker 1: trying to make something work with the sun exactly. It

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Speaker 1: feels like performative. I think that's exactly thing it is.

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Speaker 2: I think, like, yes, the soberness is a step towards

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Speaker 2: the right direction. I think I think there needs to

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Speaker 2: be consistency. The fact that he's not responding for months

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Speaker 2: at a time, it's crazy, red flag, that's absolutely insane.

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Speaker 1: I want to know what everyone else would do. Put

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Speaker 1: your answers below. Oh and This is also submitted by

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Speaker 1: an incredible o kop fan global based nine three five nine.

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Speaker 1: If you want to submit your stories, you can go

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Speaker 1: to our slash okop show. That's where this one is from.

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Speaker 1: Three your stories in there. We love reading them, so

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Speaker 1: sentnim in thank you for the submission.

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Speaker 2: We love when our community submit stories directly here absolutely sentiment.

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Speaker 1: We might just read it on the next one. See then,

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Speaker 1: am I the a hole for leaving our vacation after

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Speaker 1: I found out that my hubby first class for himself,

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Speaker 1: but put me in economy like a pig.

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Speaker 2: You are a pig, hey, economy belong an economy, baby.

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Speaker 1: That's right, Get back in your your pig pen. Hey

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Speaker 1: have you ever been in first class? I have been

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Speaker 1: in first class? Okay, I will, I will admit it.

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Speaker 1: We were in first class. My dad bought that one.

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Speaker 1: I've never purchased first class for myself. Okay, hell fucking

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Speaker 1: I had an ex girlfriend.

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Speaker 2: Rich ex girlfriend purchased my first class ticket.

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Speaker 1: What airline, dude? Champagne.

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Speaker 2: Oh it was champagne. Yeah, we got chain row. I

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Speaker 2: was like eighteen. That is incredible. Yeah, it was so sick,

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Speaker 2: it was. I got so drunk on that plane.

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Speaker 1: Hey, let's go. So my husband and I are in

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Speaker 1: our thirties and we haven't been on a trip out

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Speaker 1: of the country four years, while he goes every year

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Speaker 1: with his best friend.

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Speaker 2: All right, red flag, already here, already here. I'm not

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Speaker 2: treating your wife, but you're treating your bud. What are

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Speaker 2: you really doing on that plane? Were you really doing

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Speaker 2: first class? Give me each other handies or the seats,

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Speaker 2: or we take it, we take it all the way.

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Speaker 2: And it's like, why not just you're you're taking one trip,

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Speaker 2: You're abandoning your wife once a year. Why don't you

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Speaker 2: just completely abandon your wife? Why doesn't he commit to it?

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Speaker 1: Moved to another country, find like an Italian wife, change

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Speaker 1: your name, change your name, get a like, get a

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Speaker 1: job making spaghetti.

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Speaker 2: Hey, I make this spaghetti and I build my meat

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Speaker 2: sack into this Italian meat game.

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Speaker 1: Why does he just do that? Why not? Now? His

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Speaker 1: reasons for not doing that, for not doing that? No, No,

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Speaker 1: his reasons for going on the trip with his buddy

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Speaker 1: is because they want to go attend sporting events like

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Speaker 1: real misores. This year, my husband told me that I

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Speaker 1: could go with him and his best friend since they

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Speaker 1: were visiting a new destination. How is it?

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Speaker 2: What is the stipul Like, Hey, since we're going somewhere,

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Speaker 2: no and not just like the old the old place

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Speaker 2: that we always would watch sports, I guess you can

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Speaker 2: tag along now.

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Speaker 1: You know, typically we would do sports. So your estrogen

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Speaker 1: filled vagina, ye can't couldn't handle it, can't go. But

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Speaker 1: now we have a new destination that could potentially your

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Speaker 1: your vagina might be able to handle, might be able

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Speaker 1: to handle, you know what. I think.

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Speaker 2: I think that the places that they were going, like

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Speaker 2: they went to the same place every year because they

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Speaker 2: had mistresses over there.

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Speaker 1: Bingo, that's it. That's like I like that theory.

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Speaker 2: And then something fell through with the mistresses, so they

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Speaker 2: had to change locations completely.

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Speaker 1: Our ghosts will bring my my old vagina, my wizard sleeve.

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Speaker 1: He paid for my ticket and everything else. Since I'm

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Speaker 1: a stay at home mom and I have no job

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Speaker 1: and the kids were left with his mom. That would

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Speaker 1: make sense.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So but she she was she was happy with

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Speaker 2: the ticket that she got.

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Speaker 1: Initially, well she just we don't know what ticket was now, Okay,

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Speaker 1: she's just like a ticket. However, when I found out

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Speaker 1: that he booked first class for himself and his friend,

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Speaker 1: while I got economy whoa bro for his friends? So rude,

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Speaker 1: you fucking idiot. I just could not hold my tongue.

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Speaker 1: I confronted him about it, and he refused to discuss it.

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Speaker 1: When the argument got heated, he yelled, I paid for

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Speaker 1: your ticket for f's sake. Isn't that enough? Yeah? But dude, like,

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Speaker 1: I mean, she's taking care of the kids. Bro, you

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Speaker 1: should you gotta get it. It's it's it's a rule.

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Speaker 1: You have to get the same. First of all, you

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Speaker 1: gotta get the same like class or whatever as your wife.

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Speaker 1: Second of all, you gotta get the seats next to

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Speaker 1: each other. You fucking get it.

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Speaker 2: But you know what he should have done, Like, let's

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Speaker 2: say he shortened money, give up the seat, or let

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Speaker 2: the friend fucking sit in the conomy literally.

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Speaker 1: Put the friend in in the put him in the back.

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Speaker 2: Such a put him in the luge, have a like

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Speaker 2: hold on to the wheels.

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Speaker 1: Dude, Like what I mean? All right, but.

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Speaker 2: Opie's husband, it might be a terrible husband, a fucking

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Speaker 2: great friend, though.

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Speaker 1: My god, the greatest friend. Honestly, give me the first

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Speaker 1: classic and I want to go somewhere treat me to

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Speaker 1: a good time, and he kept going on about how

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Speaker 1: I should stop acting like I was royalty. You bro,

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Speaker 1: this guy's a dick. Books first class for yourself. Then

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Speaker 1: I needed to stop acting like royalty. And then, if

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Speaker 1: I come to think about it, even economy is fine

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Speaker 1: for me since I technically don't work anyways. Wow, this

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Speaker 1: guy is digging himself. I know, not to say something.

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Speaker 2: Stupid that's so shitty to like, it's very misogynistic and

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Speaker 2: also like just devaluing the work that a mother like.

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Speaker 1: Oh you like you know all you do is like

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Speaker 1: raise our children. Yeah, just like the next generation. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's like no big deal. You can take this shiit seat, right,

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Speaker 1: I mean, you're not just doing nothing anyway, taking care

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Speaker 1: of shit sacks. You can take care of this shit seat,

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Speaker 1: care for a shit sack, sit on a ship sack.

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Speaker 1: What's the difference.

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Speaker 2: By the way, John and I lovely refer to children

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Speaker 2: as shit sacks.

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Speaker 1: Now, we really need to create a vocabulary for all

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Speaker 1: the words. Sausage cave juice is a classic. We need

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Speaker 1: to bring that one back. After he said that, I

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Speaker 1: cried because of what he said, but decided not to

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Speaker 1: go all together. Because he's an asshole, because it's a

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Speaker 1: big butthole, big he's a shit sack. Yeah, bro. He

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Speaker 1: changed his tone and started begging me to go with

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Speaker 1: like he had planned, but I declined, honestly, good for

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Speaker 1: good for op, Yeah, extend for yourself.

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Speaker 2: Sending up for yourself. They like, don't don't take this

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Speaker 2: shit sack exactly.

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Speaker 1: I went to go pick up the kids from my

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Speaker 1: mom's house and came back three hours later, huffing and

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Speaker 1: puffing about what had happened. His friend sent me a

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Speaker 1: text calling me entitled, Bro, you're the one sitting in

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Speaker 1: first class. You're the entitled one. Yeah, how about how

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Speaker 1: about you be the humble person you are and give

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Speaker 1: up your first class seat?

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Speaker 2: That's what I paid your own way, Ye can't. The

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Speaker 2: husband's paying for his friend, bro.

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Speaker 1: Literally. And his friend also said and this is the

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Speaker 1: reason why he didn't want my husband to take me

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Speaker 1: with them, And I just proved his point. Wow, this

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Speaker 1: friend's a shit bag as well. I did not respond,

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Speaker 1: but I blocked him since he's gotten increasingly rude over

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Speaker 1: the past few months. Yeah, geez, he my husband said.

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Speaker 1: I kept crying about being excluded, and this is what

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Speaker 1: happens when he finally decides to include me. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: this husband is a piece of shit. Dude, final I'd

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Speaker 1: finally give you what you wanted, and now you're just

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Speaker 1: so angry he was a god. Am I the a

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Speaker 1: hole for not sitting in economy? By the by the way,

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Speaker 1: he's perfectly capable of financing the whole trip, and I'm

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Speaker 1: assuming that means three first class tickets.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think she's the a hole. I mean, like,

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Speaker 2: it's just such an asshole move to not to get

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Speaker 2: your friend a first class ticket and not your wife.

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Speaker 2: Like if they all sat economy, it would have been fine,

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Speaker 2: right if like, but if he's having him and his

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Speaker 2: friend that first class and his wife not, like like

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Speaker 2: your wife should take priority, bro.

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Speaker 1: Literally like like it would still be terrible if it

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Speaker 1: was like he was in first class and then the

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Speaker 1: friend and her were back there. But it's like doubly

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Speaker 1: worse that the friend has the first class ticket and

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Speaker 1: she does.

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Speaker 2: It's like it's like a total like f you to her, like, hey,

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Speaker 2: my friend is more important than you.

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Speaker 1: Also like you, it sounds like he doesn't enjoy spending

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Speaker 1: time with his with his own wife It's just like,

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Speaker 1: there's so many red flags here, so many red flags.

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Speaker 1: Why would you marry somewhere if you don't want to

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Speaker 1: do that divorce? It makes no sense.