Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Speaker 1: Today's tip is about carving out small amounts of time
Speaker 1: to fully focus on another person. Often, these small bits
Speaker 1: of time can have an outsized positive effect on the relationship.
Speaker 1: Long Time Before Breakfast listeners know that I have four children,
Speaker 1: and in larger families, it can be difficult to spend
Speaker 1: one on one time with each of the kids. So
Speaker 1: for the past few years, each summer, I've scheduled what
Speaker 1: I call Mommy Days with each of the children. I
Speaker 1: take the day off work, and the child and I
Speaker 1: go to an activity of the child's choosing. My children
Speaker 1: are all very different from each other, and so we've
Speaker 1: done varied things, playing combat games and laser tag, for instance,
Speaker 1: or going to the American Girl Place. We visited the
Speaker 1: National Zoo in Washington, d C. And gone to the
Speaker 1: Police Touch Museum here in Philadelphia. These activities are all fun,
Speaker 1: but the activity itself tends not to be the main draw.
Speaker 1: When I took my daughter to Hershey Park a few
Speaker 1: summers ago, it was just so fun to watch her
Speaker 1: little face as she realized we could do whatever ride
Speaker 1: she wanted. She didn't have to consult with all her brothers.
Speaker 1: If she wanted to eat at a particular restaurant, it
Speaker 1: was fine, no negotiation involved. There are upsides to being
Speaker 1: in a big family. I mean, life is a constant
Speaker 1: play at my house, but it was also really lovely
Speaker 1: to spend the day fully focused on her Mommy days
Speaker 1: are special, but in fact, even shorter amounts of full
Speaker 1: focused time can have a huge positive effect on any relationship.
Speaker 1: The best investments are time when you enter the other
Speaker 1: person's world at their pace and participate in it without
Speaker 1: trying to instruct them in any way. I think a
Speaker 1: lot of us naturally resist this sort of thing. It
Speaker 1: can feel unproductive. We might also feel incredibly busy and
Speaker 1: worry that once we start entering the other person's world
Speaker 1: for a bit, building those lego towers or playing that
Speaker 1: board game, we'll have to stop at some point and
Speaker 1: it will all be unpleasant. But I read something encouraging
Speaker 1: about this and Julie Morgenstern's new book, Time to Parent.
Speaker 1: She's divided the job of parenting into four parts, which
Speaker 1: actually spell out the acronym part P A R T.
Speaker 1: There's providing doing the physical care and also providing financially
Speaker 1: for our kids. Then there's arranging all the schedules and
Speaker 1: logistics and the like. Then there's relating, which is what
Speaker 1: we're talking about with this fully focused one on one time,
Speaker 1: and finally teaching all the instructing and discipline we naturally
Speaker 1: do to make our children into decent citizens. The good news,
Speaker 1: she writes, is that relating and fairly frequent but small
Speaker 1: chunks of time, it's just fine. Indeed, kids have incredibly
Speaker 1: short attention spans. Many children can only focus on something
Speaker 1: for about one minute per year of age. That means
Speaker 1: if you agree to build a lego castle with your
Speaker 1: eight year old, it is quite possible that inside fifteen
Speaker 1: minutes your child will be done and you can be
Speaker 1: done too. But in the meantime, agreeing to do those
Speaker 1: few minutes without whining about it, and I mean the
Speaker 1: whining from you, the adult, not the kid, can make
Speaker 1: the child feel acknowledged and understood. Even adults don't need
Speaker 1: a huge amount of focus as long as they get
Speaker 1: some pure focus. If you get home from work after
Speaker 1: your partner or your partner is home with your kids
Speaker 1: during the day, there's much to be said for walking
Speaker 1: straight to that person and focusing fully on him or
Speaker 1: her for a few minutes, asking about the day and
Speaker 1: what's going on. You can deal with email, chores and
Speaker 1: whatever else later. Likewise, when you ask a colleague about
Speaker 1: his weekend, there's much to be said for actually listening
Speaker 1: to the answer. If the person can talk for three
Speaker 1: minutes without you trying interrupt or look at your phone
Speaker 1: or sigh about all you have going on, the relationship
Speaker 1: will feel completely different. And let's face it, all you
Speaker 1: are going to do in those three minutes is delete
Speaker 1: newsletters from your inbox that you can't remember subscribing to. Anyway,
Speaker 1: people are a good use of time, especially since people
Speaker 1: often don't need that much time. They just need to
Speaker 1: feel for a few minutes like they truly matter. When
Speaker 1: you can do that for someone, that's a real gift.
Speaker 1: In the meantime, this is Laura, Thanks for listening, and
Speaker 1: here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody,
Speaker 1: I'd love to hear from you. You can send me
Speaker 1: your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with
Speaker 1: me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at before Breakfast Pod.
Speaker 1: That's b E the number four. Then Breakfast p O d.
Speaker 1: You can also shoot me an email at before Breakfast
Speaker 1: podcast at i heeart media dot com that Before Breakfast
Speaker 1: is spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much,
Speaker 1: I look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is
Speaker 1: a production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts from
Speaker 1: my heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.